Episode 1000589310590

1:03 Drew Locked in here, Drew. Macy Gray is in the studio tonight. The Trouble With Being Myself is the name of the CD. Also is involved with a compilation CD for Christmas. Yeah, see, you know, I- I always think about, right, you know what you should, I don't have any talent. What you should do, you know, how they write, like-

1:26 You're good at going off on tangents, though, that just taking one little thing, just talking for hours, and nobody knows what you're talking about, but you're completely happy with yourself.

1:36 Drew That's what we're talking about.

1:37 That's really good.

1:38 Drew Yeah, I'm happy with myself. That's the important part, even if no one knows what I'm talking about.

1:42 Yeah, you lost me just about 10 minutes ago.

1:44 Drew You see, Macy's been hit by the compliment bug around here, too.

1:47 Adam Yeah, well, Lauren's a coach here in the break.

1:50 Drew Here's what you need to write a song about.

1:52 Caller She told me you went out 40 for 40 minutes one time. I didn't take any calls and you didn't talk to the guest.

1:58 Drew 40 minutes.

1:59 Adam You can talk about traffic and weather for.

2:04 Drew But let me say something. 40 minutes is an exaggeration because we never go where breaks breaks wouldn't go across the break.

2:10 Adam What do we talk about?

2:11 Drew 20 minutes.

2:13 Caller No, no, no.

2:15 Drew Now, look, I was trying to give you a little career help here, but you jumped all over.

2:18 Caller No, no, I was just trying to boost your ego because you say you don't have any talent.

2:23 Drew Well, nothing makes a guy feel better than when someone says he's got good at waxing on about stuff that no one else understands except for him or cares about or cares about except for him. But here's what I want you to do. You need to write a song, not a Christmas song.

2:37 Caller Yeah.

2:37 Drew And a birthday song has been done, too. We need to pick a subject like Alice Cooper did Schools Out for Summer. And it gets played all the time because it's the only Schools Out song.

2:48 Caller All right.

2:49 Drew You see what I'm saying?

2:50 Adam Maybe another Schools Out song.

2:51 Drew Another Schools Out, Veterans Day, Yom Kippur. Yeah, Columbus Day. Once a year. Ramadan.

3:02 Ramadan.

3:05 Drew Ramadan, baby. Yeah, and it's a whole, Ramadan is a whole month. So it would get played. I don't know if we get a whole lot of airplay out here. Probably not the country.

3:14 Caller How about the day after Groundhog Day? This is the day after Groundhog Day.

3:20 Drew Whatever it is, it gets played on that time of year, all the time. And it's always out because the crappy Schools Out for Summer has been played for 35 years every time. It starts getting into June, right?

3:32 Adam Absolutely.

3:34 Caller All right.

3:35 Drew You do that. That makes sense.

3:37 Caller The day after Groundhog, February 3rd.

3:39 Drew Let's not nail ourselves down to the day after Groundhog Day. I'm just saying.

3:42 Caller As soon as I can, you know, like, punch it out.

3:45 Drew So you know when Groundhog Day is. Let's get back to Ann, who's 20. Who, well, all your talk about Groundhog Day. Ann.

3:58 Adam Ann had a foursome.

3:59 Drew Annie's 20 and she had herself a foursome, but now they just got naked and made out.

4:05 Yeah.

4:05 Adam Don't think for a second. How dare you, Adam.

4:08 Drew No sex, no oral sex.

4:09 No.

4:10 Drew Did you did you touch a penis?

4:13 No, actually, I didn't. I mean, like, he was touching my breast and stuff like that. But like.

4:18 Drew How'd you guys all get naked? Was there a jacuzzi or hot tub involved?

4:22 Well, we were just really drunk and we thought it would be fun to play, like, stripping games.

4:28 Adam OK.

4:29 They did.

4:30 Adam The guys had that mapped out in a little war room. They had a little mock up of the room before they before they started the game.

4:45 Drew So, Anne.

4:46 Yeah.

4:46 Drew So the question is, is what? You're you're ashamed.

4:50 And I'm just it's happened over a month ago and I just keep obsessing about it.

4:55 Drew Because it's weird at work?

4:56 Caller Because she wish she would touch the penis.

4:58 Drew Yeah.

4:59 Well, yeah.

5:00 Drew Do you like one of the guys?

5:03 No, they were actually kind of gross, but I was kind of strangely attracted to them for some reason.

5:09 Adam In their grossness?

5:12 Drew I don't know.

5:13 But I guess it's just like one of them was married and like, I don't know, I just feel like such a home wrecker.

5:18 Drew Well, you didn't do anything. You just frolicked about and had a little drunk fun.

5:23 Adam This guy's an asshole and it's his responsibility. Yeah.

5:27 I know.

5:27 Drew You didn't cheat though. This is a little frolicking. Nothing wrong with that.

5:31 Caller Did you have fun?

5:33 Drew Did you like it?

5:35 At the time. But when I woke up the next morning, I was pretty upset.

5:39 Drew Do you see these guys at work every day?

5:41 Well, actually, I just saw them for the first time today and I just like totally freaked out and I just get so nervous and can't talk to them really and I haven't served them.

5:52 Drew Do you work at a place that's big enough where you don't have to see them?

5:55 No, I work at a really small restaurant and I like have to serve them.

5:59 Drew Oh, you serve them. I thought you said you worked with them.

6:02 Oh, no, I met them through work.

6:05 Adam These guys are idiots.

6:07 Drew Well, so what? Just relax. That's cool. You're 20. You get drunk. You screw around. You didn't have sex with anybody. You didn't have oral sex. Yeah, you're fine. I don't understand what your problem is.

6:20 Adam She has a conscience.

6:21 Drew Well, she didn't do anything. These guys are screwballs.

6:27 Adam Yeah, the guy, believe me, these guys are doing other stuff. These guys are idiots. They're assholes.

6:31 Drew No, no. Please. They're just screwing around. There was no sex involved with them.

6:36 Adam The married guys.

6:37 Drew We've heard a thousand times worse than this. A thousand times.

6:40 Adam Yes. Way worse guys. Yes.

6:42 Caller What about the other girl?

6:45 Drew What about the girl? You into the girl?

6:48 Caller Does she feel bad?

6:50 Yeah. The other girl, she's like a friend of mine and I don't know. She feels really bad about it, too, and she's really scared.

6:57 Drew Okay, and listen, baby, you're 20. Get over it. You partied with a couple of guys. You're a waitress. You had no sex. Get past it. All right.

7:04 Caller Okay, thanks, man.

7:05 Drew Get a boyfriend, would you?

7:08 Adam Is that going to be a problem?

7:10 Caller Kind of.

7:11 Adam Why?

7:12 Caller I've never had a boyfriend before.

7:14 Drew See, something's going on with you.

7:16 Adam Why?

7:17 Caller Why? I don't know. I don't know.

7:21 Drew You're...

7:21 Caller Because I usually just end up...

7:22 Adam You're fat.

7:23 Drew Drew, please.

7:24 Adam You end up what?

7:26 Caller I end up just like... I don't know. I think my problem is I have like sleep with them right when I meet them, so it kind of ruins it.

7:31 Drew I think you have way too many ideas about that. You're too skittish. You got to relax a little bit.

7:37 Caller No, every girl is a hoe at some point.

7:39 Drew Yeah.

7:40 Caller Especially when you're 20. That's the best time.

7:42 Drew That's right.

7:43 Caller To be a hoe? Yeah. Now's the time to do it, babe.

7:47 Drew Ann, you got to get a little more comfortable in your own skin.

7:51 Caller I know.

7:52 Drew All right.

7:52 Caller You should still have a boyfriend. You can be a hoe and have a boyfriend.

7:55 Adam Her dad must be in a hole. That's why she's attractive.

7:57 Drew Yeah. You're skittish. You're calling from Minnesota. You do any ice fishing up there? No, I don't. I got to get into that ice fishing. That's one of my new things. You get a little shed. You drag it out in the lake and you just sit there and get drunk.

8:11 Caller Have you ever tried to not do it on the first night?

8:14 Drew Ann? Have you ever not had sex on the first night?

8:18 Caller No, not since I've been like 16.

8:22 Drew Well, why don't you hold off? Hold off and just find a guy. I don't know.

8:26 Adam So you get, you get absolutely, she gets overtaken by other, by other people.

8:30 Drew She's can't, here's, here's, here's what it is. Ann is confused by life and by men especially.

8:36 Adam It's, it's severe code of conduct.

8:37 Caller You feel like you can't tell them no.

8:40 Adam She, there's something.

8:41 Drew Something's wrong.

8:42 Adam The alcoholic there.

8:43 Caller She's scared to say no.

8:46 Drew Well, look, her from Minnesota.

8:47 Caller Well, just try, try not doing it with the mom first night and see what happens with the other guy that you like, the other guy that's not gross.

8:54 Drew Do you have an alcoholic, Dan?

8:56 Caller Um, no, I don't.

8:58 Drew See, Drew, you're a regular, you're a press kid. Wait, wait, wait.

9:00 Caller You're retired.

9:01 Adam Why the, why the caretaking? Why can't you come to your own defense? Why can't you be present in a relationship? So what happened to you?

9:12 Caller I don't know.

9:13 Drew All right, listen, two choices. Your parents made you feel like crap or you're fat. Which one?

9:18 Caller Well, I'm not fat, but...

9:22 Drew How much do you weigh?

9:23 Caller I'm 170 and I'm 510.

9:26 Drew Okay. That's a lot of Norwegian woman there.

9:29 Caller I am Norwegian.

9:30 Drew Yeah, let me do the radio math. Ask him. I get 5'7, and 13-16's 183. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

9:53 Caller I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to.

10:02 Drew I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

10:32 Caller When you meet a guy, you like to make him wait for a while.

10:35 Adam She can't. She gets completely lost in anybody else's desires.

10:39 Drew Yeah.

10:39 Adam And she has to perfectly please them.

10:41 Drew And she's got just a little of that fat chick syndrome.

10:43 Caller Plus, you're only 20 back, really.

10:45 Adam Some of that is codependency, that's fine.

10:46 Drew Whatever.

10:46 Caller She's 20.

10:47 Adam Dependency.

10:48 Caller Yeah.

10:49 Drew Let's keep going, I'm getting depressed.

10:52 Caller Hey, what's going on, Adam?

10:54 Drew Let me say something, too, Macy. I don't mean to sound, this is gonna be good, really. This might sound mildly racist, but super white Norwegian chicks that are fat look bad. You know what I mean? You're dark skinned, you're an ebony princess, you can carry a couple extra pounds on you, you just look good. White chicks, especially the real white ones from Minnesota, they get naked, it looks like you ran to a snow drift. You understand? Black women just look younger when they pack on 40 pounds, they look younger. They don't really look heavier, they look younger, it just pulls the wrinkles out of them, they look good. White women, they don't carry it well.

11:29 Caller I don't know how to say anything about that.

11:31 Drew Yeah, no, it's true. It's better.

11:32 Caller But 5'10, 170 isn't bad.

11:35 Drew No, it's not bad.

11:36 Caller Mm-mm, it's not fat, for sure.

11:37 Drew It's not fat, but it's not good. See what I'm saying? But you gotta stand, 5'10, 170, that's over the radio.

11:45 Caller Over the radio.

11:46 Drew She's telling us over the phone.

11:47 Adam She's giving an idealized version.

11:48 Drew If I put her on a scale right now, she'll be 189. See what I'm saying?

11:52 Caller Yeah.

11:53 Drew That's what it says, 5'10, 170 on her license. You know what I mean.

11:57 Caller See, I'm learning something now.

11:59 Drew That's what I like.

11:59 Caller Yeah.

12:00 Drew Yeah.

12:00 Caller She's great. Oh no.

12:03 Drew Yeah, it's funny. A star? You're 21? You like being-

12:10 Caller I just want to say something real quick. I am 174 pounds and 5'4, so she ain't fat, sorry.

12:18 Adam You're fat.

12:19 Caller You're good looking, dude.

12:20 Drew You're both fat. That's how it works. It's not that she ain't or you ain't, it's you both is.

12:25 Caller I don't think so, but whatever.

12:28 Drew Well, look, here's the deal. The mark keeps heading up. I mean, the country keeps getting heavier and heavier and heavier. Yeah, so it's kind of good. What was yesterday's morbidly obese is today's husky. Mm-hmm, all right. That's my, like, you're, my kid, by the time, like, our kid's kids, you know, 10 and 250 pounds is to be average.

12:53 Adam Perfect.

12:54 Perfect.

12:54 Drew All right, so anyway, Star, you're 5'4, you're 174, and you're not fat. What else is going on?

13:01 Caller I'm having this problem because every time, like, I really like the guys that I always end up with. I really like them, but they're really chill and mellow and, you know, really nervous and really caring people. But I wanna be hinky and I don't know how to bring it up to them because it's like-

13:21 Drew What do you want? Do you wanna be tied up?

13:23 Caller Tied up, yeah.

13:25 Drew Tied up, well, maybe they don't have enough rope.

13:27 Caller I wanna tie them up, you know.

13:29 Drew And tie them up.

13:30 Caller Anything they're, like, I can't figure out how to, like, bring across anything kinky because I'm into a lot of kinky stuff and I always have been.

13:39 Drew Yeah, well, here's the thing with guys. Guys, 90% of guys just want good old fashioned straight sex with someone they're attracted to.

13:48 Adam But they'll cooperate.

13:49 Drew They'll go along with stuff. But here's the thing, too. The more you weigh, the less cooperative guys are.

13:56 Caller Oh, stop it.

13:58 Drew No, it's true.

13:58 Caller That is so bad.

13:59 Drew No, okay, but let me, look, I know it sounds horrible and I know everyone thinks I'm a prick. I know, and I'm gonna catch it and scoop it right back into you. Not through your mouth, though. Yeah, but here's all I wanna say. If Claudia Schiffer says, I wanna be tied up and I want you to walk on me and I wanna tie you up and I wanna beat you with a cat of nine tails, 99% of guys are cool with that. It's like, hey, hottie, you should start. Yeah, whatever, game on. No problem. If a chick's 5'4 and 175 and she wants that stuff, guys are like, yeah, I don't know. How about you give me a BJ and I think about it? You see what I'm saying? So that's... Yes, yes, guys are much less cooperative when you're stocky. It's true. Right. No, you're not. No, look, look.

14:54 Caller I like a girl with a big butt.

14:57 Drew Listen, 54175 is considered stocky by most standards.

15:04 Caller You just got to find a guy that likes doing that with you.

15:07 Drew Now, it doesn't mean there aren't guys who ain't into that and ain't into stocky and ain't into being tied up. They're out there. You just got to find them like Macy said.

15:15 Caller But everybody has to find a guy that likes to do what they want to do.

15:18 Drew Yeah. On the other hand, you really want that guy. I mean, think about that guy. Do you know what I mean?

15:24 Caller That likes getting tied up?

15:25 Drew Yeah, or likes tying up. It's the guy with the ZZ top beard and a couple of warrants out for some parking tickets he hasn't taken care of.

15:34 Caller Tied up when you're, like tied up where? On your bed?

15:39 Caller You know, I've thought of all sorts of different things. I just haven't been able to do it with anybody.

15:44 Adam Well, you gotta be not quite so ashamed of it and bring it up a little bit. But it's true fetish we're talking about.

15:50 Drew How about a nice boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? How about that?

16:02 Adam Macy was smacked around. That's why she's big, to keep people away and then she's finished to keep guys away too.

16:06 Drew What did you say, Macy was smacked around?

16:07 Adam No, I mean, Star. I beg your pardon.

16:12 Drew Hey, A-Star?

16:14 Adam Yeah.

16:15 Drew Yeah, did your dad smack you around? Yeah, well, take that as a yes. All right, that's why I need all this stuff. But look, here's what you need to do. You need to not get pregnant and go on the Internet and just find some guy.

16:29 Adam We gotta play my sweet song.

16:30 Drew I never would do that. We're not playing it now. It's too late. We'll play it the next break. Yeah, it's 23.

16:37 Caller What did you tell your boyfriend?

16:42 Caller We can try something new and they're always bringing up threesomes and it's like you know, that's guys.

16:50 Drew He's doing a two and a half as is. Listen, Star, find a guy on the Internet who wants to tie you up. There's plenty of nut jobs out there. Listen. Okay. Find Jesus Christ. Would you please? All right. Macy Gray is here. Macy, you got to stay one more break. You thought you were staying the first hour, but you showed up late. So now you got to make up the 15 minutes.

17:09 Caller I was in the house. I was in there learning from you.

17:12 Drew Just like you weren't late at Camp Ohio many years ago. Well, now you should know that I'm a disciplinarian. You have to stay for one more break. Thanks, baby doll. We'll be right back. I'm Adam Carolla. He would be Dr. Drew or he'll be around actually. He's just not in the studio this second, but we will bring him back through the magic of magnetic tape. And speaking of magic, this next guest is a dear, dear, dear friend who I have nothing in common with, but always have an interesting time talking to, Tori Amos.

17:59 It's Loveline.

17:59 Drew I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Tori Amos is our guest tonight. The new CD is Tales of the Librarian. Tori also has started an organization called RAINN. And if you want the information about that organization, you can go to www.rainnwittowens.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE. That's 1-800-656-HOPE. All right. Now, Tori, I know you're a big fan of the show.

18:34 Adam She just can't listen to it because she's in England.

18:36 No, but you know I love this show.

18:38 Drew Yeah. She's a fan. One unlikely couple, me and Tori.

18:42 Adam I thought you were...

18:43 Drew What?

18:44 Adam Sympathetic.

18:44 Drew We're kindred, sympathicated spirits. But to the outside world, and we don't care about the outside world. That's one of the things we have. You know what I'm saying? Let them talk. That's what I say.

18:57 We never cared about the outside world.

18:59 Drew And that's what happens. You see, if you start listening to the everyone whispering in your ear, it can screw up a relationship. But we know what we have. We don't even want you here right now, Drew, quite honestly.

19:10 Adam The last time you got rid of me, pure gold.

19:12 Drew Oh, did I get rid of you?

19:12 Adam I was in Minnesota.

19:14 Drew Oh, that's right. It was just me and Tori. Yeah. I was wondering, because my style feels a little cramped tonight, and I was wondering what that was.

19:20 Adam As I told you, this time she grabbed me and said, do not leave the studio.

19:23 Drew Oh, because she was scared. Scared? She's a woman of great passion.

19:29 Adam Scared what might happen.

19:30 Drew She doesn't trust herself.

19:32 Adam Those boundaries.

19:45 Drew We got this game here, Tori. It's called Germany or Florida. All bizarre evil comes from either Germany or Florida. Figure this out on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

19:57 Adam And the Macabre.

19:59 Drew People call in. They give us the bizarre story and we guess either Germany or Florida. Darren?

20:07 Caller Hello?

20:08 Drew You're 17?

20:09 Caller Yeah, I'm 17. Hey, Adam. You're hilarious. Dr. Drew, you're a good man. All right. Germany or Florida. A 34-year-old auto worker was rushed to the emergency ward this weekend when his genitals started to suffer from necropsy. The unidentified man had a strange fetish for an extreme form of genital chastity which stopped the blood flow to his testicles and penis for more than four days. The married father of the four claimed he enjoyed the constriction caused by the pipe fitting rings he used in valves at the assembly plant where he worked, and his wife had no idea about his strange liking. He is quoted as saying he would leave them on for days at a time and usually had no problem removing them. Unable to get the device off, he would, ah, where is it?

20:53 Drew We were on a roll.

20:54 Adam I'm embarrassed. Yeah.

20:56 Caller All right.

20:57 Adam You couldn't get a saw around.

20:58 Drew All right. So Germany or Florida?

20:59 Adam This is Florida. You think Germany?

21:01 Drew Oh, yeah. Wow.

21:03 Adam Really?

21:03 Drew Toriko said Germany, Drew, Florida. We've never had this kind of discussion in Germany or Florida. Well, all right.

21:07 Adam Let's think about it. Not a lot of auto manufacturing in Florida.

21:09 Drew Well, was it auto manufacturing or just manufacturing? Auto.

21:13 Adam He said auto, yeah.

21:14 Drew It did say auto. Yeah.

21:15 Adam And there's a lot of precision parts in Germany, all over the place.

21:19 Drew Yeah. They do a lot of waffle hunts in Germany.

21:20 Adam A lot of weird sexual stuff in Germany. Yeah.

21:23 Caller Why is that?

21:24 Adam I don't know.

21:25 Caller Tell me why.

21:25 Adam It's got to be some residual...

21:30 Drew You know what it is, is whenever you take societies that are sort of buttoned down, they explode at some point and it always goes, it always takes a turn for the sick or the bizarre. It's like the Japanese, you know, too much bowing, too many ties worn, too much reverence for your parents equals, I got to get some bear pancreas in me so I can get a boner and then I'm going to eat sashimi off a virgin. You know, see what it turns into, it goes weird. Whereas like places like, you know, South, you know, like Rio de Janeiro, I think they're just sort of moderately sexual all the time, but it doesn't seem to take the perverse turn.

22:10 Adam Right.

22:12 Drew Yeah. You don't hear anyone from Rio out slaughtering rhinos to get some horn so they can make an aphrodisiac. They don't do anything. They just hump each other.

22:21 Adam They look around.

22:22 Drew They're so busy humping. They're so tired from banging all day, they don't have time for all the weird, bizarre, ritualistic stuff. So I think Germany suffers from the sort of button down stuff. All right. So we're going to Germany.

22:34 Adam But it's such a white trash move. The whole thing is, it's not just sexual, it's a white trash move and that's why I went to Florida.

22:40 Drew Well, that's why you play, that's why you have to play Germany or Florida.

22:43 Adam So what are we doing here?

22:45 Drew We gotta, I gotta break the board. The kindred spirits have to stay together. All right, Germany. We're all going Germany? All right. Where was he? Line five?

22:53 Caller Darren? Yeah, you're going Germany? Yeah. All right, you're right.

22:58 Adam Okay.

22:58 Drew Yeah.

23:00 Adam Guy loses. Janitorial Germany.

23:02 Drew Oh, man, Tori, what can't you do?

23:04 Adam Let's take one more crack at it. Hey, Anderson.

23:07 Drew Germany or Florida.

23:09 Adam We need a new song.

23:10 Drew We need, we need something new.

23:11 Caller Can we get Tori to do one?

23:12 Drew Well, we, we, we had, and I hope she's not listening. We had Pink.

23:17 Caller Don't even talk about that. No, shh.

23:18 Drew Well, I'm just saying, we had Pink sing the Germany or Florida song, and it really, it didn't, it didn't come out as good as we would have liked it to. So in it, and there's no real theme other than the Germany or Florida word.

23:34 And I don't want to play it.

23:35 Caller Don't even say it, because it's just a letter.

23:36 Drew Yeah, we don't want to poison your mind with the, with the actual bad theme we have. You see what I'm saying? That would taint you.

23:43 Dr. Drew, I'm on the spot.

23:44 Caller Yeah.

23:45 Adam Give her, give her a melody.

23:47 Caller No, no, no melody, no.

23:49 Adam No melody? She comes up with her own.

23:51 Caller Just the words, Germany or Florida, that's all we have.

24:04 Drew Wait a minute, that's Ebony or Ivory.

24:06 Caller But that's good.

24:07 Adam That's Germany or Florida, we got that. That's all we need.

24:09 Caller All right.

24:09 Adam We're good.

24:10 Drew Nice. One take Tori, they call her. Or we're not going to do any more take story. It's one or the other. That was great. Pink, you're out. Tori, you're in. I don't want to take another Germany or Florida. What about this one?

24:28 Adam That's fine. That's fine.

24:28 Drew Yeah. Line two over here. This is Nicole.

24:31 Caller Nicole?

24:33 Drew You're 20? What's up?

24:37 Caller Well, my fiance and I just moved back from Utah about two months ago and we moved in with my parents temporarily just until we can get back on our feet with the new baby and everything. My dad has been snooping through our stuff and we pay him rent every month. We pay him rent and tonight, for instance, since we got back to Utah and my fiance works with my dad's company and my dad was called this evening from like a check cashing place just to verify the number and my dad started telling him that he wasn't able to cash the check because my dad was the king of the castle and my fiance didn't live there, he only slept there.

25:27 Adam He's the fiance but you're living together? Dads could freak out about that.

25:36 Drew You mean pre-marriage living?

25:39 Adam In the same house with them?

25:41 Caller We are.

25:41 Adam Pumping in the same house with dad?

25:44 Caller Well, probably.

25:45 Caller Yeah, personally.

25:47 Drew How do you know he's snooping through your stuff? Oh really?

25:52 Adam Yeah. You gotta either get married fast or get out of there. He's not gonna get over this.

25:58 Drew You being married and living there is not the answer either. No.

26:01 Adam He'll get over it. He'll be so weird.

26:04 Drew Kindred Tori agrees. No, this guy's a pain in the ass. He's intrusive. They're calling from Riverside. That's a disaster.

26:12 Adam Every time we try to leave what?

26:13 Caller Every time we try to leave, he'll call the cops and tell them that we stole the car. And the car is mine. It was a graduation gift from him and my mom.

26:23 Drew All right, look.

26:24 Adam Is he alcoholic? Yeah.

26:26 Caller No, he smokes pot and I just found out on Thanksgiving that he used to do coke.

26:33 Adam As I say, I think he may be doing stimulants now. That is sort of a drug addict move that call the police on the stolen car.

26:39 Drew But Nicole, get out of there. You guys can't scrape together first and last for a crappy apartment.

26:45 Adam You're paying him rent anyway.

26:47 Caller We've been working on it and my dad is pretty much his boss at work and he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll get your ass. And then he's like, what kind of work?

26:57 Adam What kind of work?

26:58 Caller It's construction.

27:00 Adam It's the first time Adam was making the universal hammer move.

27:03 Drew Yeah, I know. I know. I know construction workers when I hear them. First off, you're no excuse not to get an apartment in Riverside because I believe they pay you to stay at apartments in Riverside.

27:15 Adam But Nicole's dad is Mike Stramat. Stramat.

27:19 Drew Yeah, my old foreman. Hello, look, Nicole, let me say what's going on here. First off, I'd love to hear your dad's version of this because it just it sounds like you're leaving stuff out. He calls the cops when you take your car somewhere. I'm sure he would have a version of that story that made a little more sense to us. That being said, there's no doubt he's an asshole. But then there's no doubt you're an idiot for living with the guy. And we hear this night after night. It's like, oh, the guy's a tyrant and he's horrible and he's abusive. But I live with him and we work with him and we share our lives 100 percent. Even good parents. You shouldn't be doing this.

27:56 Adam No, that's a bad boundaries, bad boundaries.

27:58 Drew You're an adult. Your fiance is an adult. He should get a job somewhere else. If he's a decent carpenter, he can get a job on any other crew. You guys save up a couple hundred bucks and get the hell out of there. Until then, you just lay low.

28:12 Adam The reason you haven't moved out yet is you really don't want to. You're engaged in a dance with that and you got to just stop.

28:17 Caller Every time we try to move out, he calls the cops on us.

28:21 Caller What the hell does that mean?

28:22 Adam Excuse me, Nicole, you're not allowed to walk outside of a house?

28:27 Caller No, we're allowed to go places, but if we don't come back, he'll call the cops. He'll say that we're mistreating the baby and all that kind of crap.

28:34 Adam So what do you care? So let him call.

28:36 Drew Let me tell you something, Nicole. You guys are engaged in a endless white trash dance with this guy.

28:45 Adam Oh, and in your world, those are the 911 calls. These people would be eliminated.

28:49 Drew I know, because you get three and then we put you down. The fourth one, we put you down. Yeah, listen, Nicole, please, for the sake of your kid, you do have a kid? Just get out of there. I know it's easier. It fuels your fire to stay there and blame him for everything. He's an idiot, but you're an idiot for hanging with an idiot.

29:07 Adam Yeah, there's nothing. There's nothing.

29:09 Drew Just get out of there.

29:10 Adam That's wrong. So what do you care if he calls the police? I can't believe it.

29:13 Drew Oh, the husband. Jesus Christ. Oh, I can't. These people, it's like the more effed up you are and the worse your relationship is, the more you're drawn to it. It's like some tooth that is exquisitely painful and you can't stop playing with it with your tongue.

29:29 Let me ask you something, Dr. Drew. So in her situation, just say he's threatening doing this all the time. Call the cops. What can she do to protect herself? Can she say when the cops come, if she's there trying to get the kid into the car? Look, my father is disturbed. He needs to be...

29:48 Adam The truth is your protection. What does she care if the police show up at her house? Thank you for coming.

29:53 Thank you for coming and my father has severe problems and we have to go.

29:57 Adam They should be. That's why I brought up Adam's 911 policy. They should be looking at the data with the jaundiced point of view and have him evaluated for nuisance calls to the cops.

30:05 Drew It's just anybody who uses the police force is their own personal bodyguard or home enforcement, home security. Yeah, the people use the cops to like screw with their neighbors and they do it, they use the cops for like preemptive strikes. You get an argument with your neighbor so you get a restraining order against them. So it's on record. You know, the people just think the cops are sort of there to settle their crappy family disputes. Like I said, you get the cops. Here's the thing, when I'm in charge, Tori, first off, you get you get three lawsuits over the course of your lifetime. So two.

30:43 Adam All right.

30:45 Drew But if you make it to 80, you get one more.

30:47 Not in the music business. Oh, well, you should be given 80.

30:52 Adam Well, 80 lawsuits.

30:53 Drew People can sue you till they're blue in the face. You can't initiate lawsuits. Counter lawsuits are fine. That's a push.

31:00 How many can you initiate?

31:02 Drew Three in a lifetime.

31:03 OK, that's fine. OK, I'll go with three.

31:04 Drew And you get three 911 calls every eight years. That's the fourth one. They put a bullet in your head. Pow. I don't care what happened. I don't care if a guy's cut a hole in your roof and he's lowering himself down in your living room naked with a Bandolero ammunition belt.

31:20 Adam The cops will take care of him after they shoot you.

31:22 Drew They got to shoot you first. That's right.

31:24 What about the guy that calls and says, I wrote Corn Flake Girl?

31:27 Drew Oh, really?

31:28 Oh, yeah.

31:29 Drew Lawsuit, huh?

31:30 Well, it didn't get that far.

31:32 Drew Did he call your record label and say he wrote Corn Flake Girl?

31:34 He called my dad. Your dad? He handles my publishing.

31:39 Drew But it was your brother, right?

31:40 No, it wasn't my brother.

31:41 Drew Really?

31:42 But the good thing is my dad, you know, they had to walk through it. He said he would pray for him.

31:48 Drew Your dad said he would pray for a corn flake boy or?

31:51 Yeah, for a corn flake boy, yeah.

31:53 Drew Wow. True.

31:55 Adam Welcome to the United States. There's no way you can be rendering a service and not get sued.

31:59 Drew That wouldn't count. That wouldn't count on your record because he was going after you. And I'm sure he's had multiple other weird things. Yeah. I put him down. Personal favor to you. Tori Amos here, corn flake gal.

32:13 Caller We'll take a little break.

32:15 Drew We'll be right back.

32:17 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

32:22 Caller My dad started telling him that he wasn't able to cash the check because my dad's so and my dad was the king of the castle and my fiance didn't live there. He only slept there.

32:35 Caller All right.

32:39 Adam He's the fiance, but you're living together. Dads could freak out about that.

32:46 Drew You mean pre-marriage living?

32:48 Adam In the same house? In the same house with them? Pumping in the same house with dad?

32:53 Caller Well, probably.

32:54 Adam Yeah.

32:56 Drew And how do you know he's snooping through your stuff? Oh, really?

33:01 Adam You got to either get married fast or get out of there. Yeah. He's not going to get over this.

33:08 Drew You being married and living there is not the answer either.

33:10 Adam No, he'll get over it. He'll be so weird.

33:13 Drew Kindred Tori agrees. No, this guy's a pain in the ass. He's intrusive. They're calling from Riverside. That's a disaster.

33:21 Adam Every time we try to leave what?

33:23 Caller Every time we try to leave, he'll call the cops and tell them that we stole the car. And the car is mine. It was a graduation gift from him and my mom.

33:32 Drew All right, look.

33:33 Adam Is he alcoholic?

33:37 Caller And I just found out on Thanksgiving that he used to do coke.

33:42 Adam As I say, I think he may be doing stimulants now. That is sort of a drug addict move that called the police and stole a car.

33:48 Drew But, Nicole, get out of there. You guys can't scrape together first and last for a crappy apartment.

33:54 Adam You're paying him rent anyway.

33:56 Caller We've been working on it and my dad is pretty much his boss at work. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll get your ass. And then he's like, oh, well.

34:06 Adam What kind of work?

34:07 Caller It's construction.

34:10 Adam Adam was making the universal hammer move.

34:12 Drew Yeah, I know. I know. I know construction workers when I hear them. First off, you're no excuse not to get an apartment in Riverside because I believe they pay you to stay at apartments in Riverside.

34:24 Adam But Nicole's dad is Mike.

34:27 Drew Mr. Matt.

34:27 Adam Mr. Matt.

34:28 Drew Yeah, my whole foreman. Hello. Nicole, let me say what's going on here. First off, I'd love to hear your dad's version of this because it just it sounds like you're leaving stuff out. He calls the cops when you take your car somewhere. I'm sure he would have a version of that story that made a little more sense to us. That being said, there's no doubt he's an asshole. But then there's no doubt you're an idiot for living with the guy. And we hear this night after night. It's like, oh, the guy's a tyrant and he's horrible and he's abusive. But I live with him and we work with him and we share our lives 100 percent. Even good parents, you shouldn't be doing this.

35:05 Adam No, there's a bad boundaries, bad boundaries.

35:07 Drew Yes, you're an adult. Your fiance is an adult. He should get a job somewhere else. If he's a decent carpenter, he can get a job on any other crew. You guys save up a couple hundred bucks and get the hell out of there. Until then, you just lay low.

35:21 Adam The reason you haven't moved out yet is you really don't want to. You're engaged in a dance with that and you got to just stop.

35:30 Caller What the hell does that mean?

35:31 Adam Excuse me.

35:32 Drew He calls the cops on you.

35:34 Adam Nicole, you're not allowed to walk outside of a house?

35:36 Caller No, we're allowed to go places, but if we don't come back, he'll call the cops. He'll say that we're mistreating the baby and all that kind of crap.

35:43 Adam So what do you care? So let him call.

35:45 Drew Let me tell you something, Nicole. You guys are engaged in a endless white trash dance with this guy.

35:54 Adam In your world, those are the 911 calls. These people would be eliminated.

35:58 Drew I know, because you get three and then we put you down. The fourth one, we put you down. Yeah. Listen, Nicole, please, for the sake of your kid, you do have a kid. Just get out of there. I know it's easier. It fuels your fire to stay there and blame him for everything. He's an idiot, but you're an idiot for hanging with an idiot.

36:16 Adam Yeah, there's nothing. There's nothing you're doing that's wrong. So what do you care if he calls the police? I can't believe it.

36:22 Drew Oh, the husband. Jesus Christ. Oh, I can't. These people, it's like the more effed up you are and the worse your relationship is, the more you're drawn to it. It's like some tooth that is exquisitely painful and you can't stop playing with it with your tongue.

36:38 Let me ask you something, Dr. Drew. So in her situation, just say he's threatening, doing this all the time, call the cops. What can she do to protect herself? Can she say when the cops come, if she's there trying to get the kid into the car, look, my father is disturbed.

36:56 Adam Yes, the truth is your protection. What does she care if the police show up at her house? Thank you for coming.

37:02 Thank you for coming and my father has severe problems and we have to go.

37:06 Adam That's why I brought up Adam's 911 policy. They should be looking at the data with a jaundiced point of view and have him evaluated for nuisance calls to the cops.

37:14 Drew It's just anybody who uses the police force is their own personal bodyguard or home enforcement, home security. Yeah, people use the cops to screw with their neighbors and they do it. They use the cops for like preemptive strikes. You get an argument with your neighbor, so you get a restraining order against them. So it's on record. People just think the cops are sort of there to settle their crappy family disputes. Like I said, you get the cops. Here's the thing, when I'm in charge, Tori, first off, you get three lawsuits over the course of your lifetime. All right, but if you make it to 80, I'll give you one more.

37:56 Caller No, not in the music business. You should be given 80.

38:01 Drew Well, people can sue you till they're blue in the face.

38:04 Caller That's right.

38:04 Drew You can't initiate lawsuits. Counter lawsuits are fine. That's a push.

38:09 Caller How many can you initiate?

38:11 Drew Three in a lifetime.

38:12 Caller OK, that's fine. OK, I'll go with three.

38:13 Drew And you get three 911 calls every eight years. The fourth one, they put a bullet in your head. I don't care what happened. I don't care if a guy's cut a hole in your roof and he's lowering himself down in your living room naked with a bandolero ammunition belt.

38:29 Adam The cops will take care of him after they shoot you.

38:31 Drew They got to shoot you first. That's right.

38:33 Caller What about the guy that calls and says, I wrote Cornflake Girl?

38:36 Drew Oh, really? Lawsuit, huh?

38:39 Caller Well, it didn't get that far.

38:40 Drew Did he call your record label and say you wrote Cornflake Girl?

38:43 Caller I called my dad.

38:44 Your dad?

38:46 Caller Who handles my publishing?

38:48 Drew But it was your brother, right?

38:49 Caller No, it wasn't my brother.

38:50 Drew Really?

38:51 Caller But the good thing is my dad, you know, they had to walk through it. He said he would pray for him.

38:57 Drew Your dad said he would pray for Cornflake Boy?

39:00 Caller Yeah, for Cornflake Boy, yeah.

39:02 Drew Wow.

39:04 Adam Welcome to the United States. There's no way you can be rendering a service and not get sued.

39:08 Drew That wouldn't count. That wouldn't count on your record because he was going after you. And I'm sure he's had multiple other weird things. Yeah. I put him down. Personal favor to you. Tori Amos here. Cornflake Gal.

39:22 Caller We'll take a little break.

39:24 Drew We'll be right back.

39:26 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

39:31 All of a sudden he just goes, we're talking about sex and like, you know, all that kind of... And he goes, you know what? Last weekend I broke my dick bone. Everyone just broke out in a spontaneous laughter. Like, there ain't no dick bone, buddy.

39:44 Adam You can rupture your penis, though.

39:47 How do you rupture blood?

39:48 Adam Well, it's held in two cavernous bodies. That's what swells up and they can rip and tear and you got a big problem with that. But that's not what this guy's talking about.

39:56 How do you do that?

39:57 Adam You just have somebody land on it the wrong way.

39:59 So what's this guy talking about then?

40:00 Adam This guy's talking about popping...

40:02 Like pop it like you can go like crack your knee...

40:04 Adam .of the tendon that holds the penis up.

40:07 Oh, sort of like you got like... I know, like you got one of them double jointed out.

40:11 Adam I said that. I mean ligament. There's a ligament there that holds it.

40:13 That's where the crack is, when you crack your knee or something. That's your ligament.

40:17 Adam That's right.

40:17 Moving around.

40:18 Drew Is that it? And what's your knuckles?

40:21 Adam Ligaments. Ligaments hold the joints together.

40:22 Is that what you're talking about?

40:23 It's all about Dr. Mark.

40:25 Adam But that's between the ligaments, basically.

40:27 Drew So the point is you can crack your penis. Yes? I like to crack my penis and and usually what I'll do is I'll take my young assistant, tell her to light a cigarette, stay in profile to me, and then whoosh. Pow! Knock that thing right out of her mouth. Have you seen me do that?

40:47 Adam Of course. You're the hit of the party.

40:49 Drew It's awesome. Then I put her on a spinning wheel, and I put balloons around her. It's awesome.

40:56 You're not a real Dr. I, man.

40:59 Drew No, he's not. Oh, me?

41:02 I'm not talking to the real duck.

41:03 Drew I barely went to junior college. Louis or Louise? Uh-oh. He's calling from Washington, DC and it's one minute and a half. He's calling from Washington, DC and it's one minute and a half.

41:37 What's his name?

41:38 Drew His name is Louis.

41:39 Hey, listen, listen, I'm talking to him. Hey, Louis, Louis, hey, Louis, wake up.

41:45 My questions are going to my picker.

41:46 Drew All right, this is great. I hope he stays here all night.

41:51 There was someone else.

41:52 There was you.

41:57 Drew Guys are great.

41:58 Caller Has that ever happened before?

42:00 Adam Oh yeah, when the girls are in fall sleep, they don't make this kind of.

42:05 You know what, man? I'm getting sort of depressed about this. Every time I talk to you...

42:09 Adam Is it your father? Is it your father?

42:11 All you do is snore and I don't know if it's working out between us anymore.

42:15 Drew All right. I think what we're going to have to do is I think we're going to have to gamble on Lewis.

42:22 Adam Gamble on what?

42:23 Drew Well, we'll go back to him like after the commercial.

42:26 Adam Yeah.

42:27 Drew And we'll see. We'll see how long.

42:29 Adam Because eventually he's going to be that it will, you know, they tip over the phone falls out. Yes, you're right.

42:34 Drew They get call waiting.

42:35 Adam This sounds like wedged in there, though. This sounds like well securely positioned. This guy's.

42:41 Hi, Doc.

42:42 Adam Farrings. Yeah.

42:44 Do you find anything on dick puffing in the book?

42:46 Adam I'm just trying to show you a piece of the picture.

42:48 Oh, can I come look?

42:49 Adam It's right here. There's a ligament that attached to it.

42:58 Drew Jet is here. We're going to take a quick break. We'll check back in with Lewis.

43:03 Adam It's called the suspensory ligament of the.

43:05 Drew Wait a minute, Drew.

43:07 Adam Yes, baby.

43:09 Drew I'll check back in with the.

43:10 Lewis.

43:10 Drew No greater compliment can be paid to a talk show host than having a guy saw on logs. He's been, by the way, listening to the show the whole time. We'll take a quick break.

43:20 All right, guys. Here's the deal.

43:21 Caller Looking to hook up.

43:22 Call the Dateline.

43:23 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

43:25 Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. One eight seven seven eight eight nine.

43:32 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead.

43:59 Drew Hey, yo, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, or Man A's is our next guest that calls me. That's Man A's with a Z. Dr. Drew is not in studio tonight, but who needs him? Because you will have him in a second, because this is the best of Loveline. And I'm gonna bring on the man that was the predecessor to David Alan Greer in the main man category, Snoop Doggy Dogg.

44:28 Caller That's my main main man names.

44:33 Drew Hey, everybody, Loveline. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

44:40 Caller Dr. Drew, that almost sounded like Dr. Dre. Dr. Drew.

44:44 Drew That's why he called himself Dr. Drew.

44:46 Caller That is-

44:46 Adam Trying to pick it back in on that.

44:47 Drew Yeah.

44:48 Caller Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Drew was at your door.

44:54 Drew Anderson's gonna put that on the card.

44:57 Adam He just immediately reached for the tape.

44:58 Drew Get some mileage out of that drop. No, he was taping it.

45:02 Adam He's got it.

45:03 Caller We got it live on the system, you dig?

45:05 Drew Snoop, well, let's see. I've not seen since I was at the Bishop Don Juan's house.

45:11 Caller Yeah, the Honeycomb Hideout. That's what we call it. Thank you, sweetheart. I appreciate that, love.

45:16 Drew One of the bigger name pimps in town. Not as big as Snoop Dogg, of course, but Bishop Don Juan, quite a dichotomy. He lives in a crappy two-bedroom apartment, but has a Rolls Royce parked out front. He's a man who has his priorities.

45:32 Caller Be hard on my homie. That's cool.

45:33 Drew Oh, no, I love him. He showed us how to dress. Showed me the proper way to hold a gold chalice and drink champagne. That's quite a day. Put his shoes on. I've showed you that video.

45:47 Adam No, I never saw that one.

45:48 Drew That was a great, great man show.

45:49 Adam I saw you and Jimmy getting high with Snoop.

45:51 Caller Oh, I don't remember that.

45:54 Drew But you know what was funny? Then we got high again. And then I got high. We were standing out front of Bishop Don Juan's apartment and Snoop was inside and we had to wait for the bishop to come on down and fire up the rolls before we rolled with him, which took about two hours. But luckily an ice cream truck came by and we were stoned. And Jimmy, when he gets stoned, he goes nuts. You know, and I convinced Jimmy that he was just putting the finishing touches on his ABC deal. And I said, Jimmy, the deal is not complete unless they throw in the Snoop DeVille, which is Snoop's Cadillac, which I don't know if it's come out yet. It is out. I've not seen a lot of them on the road.

46:42 Caller No, because, you know, Cadillac acting like they don't want to do it now, but it's all to the good. Yeah, so I'm probably going to do it myself. So I'm going to leave y'all a number that y'all can hit me at if y'all want y'all personalize Snoop DeVille's, you know, through my system, you dig in a real way.

46:54 Drew Well, I think Snoop or one of one of the posse members pulled up in what was like a prototype Snoop DeVille, right?

47:04 Caller Yeah, it was.

47:05 Adam Is it Escalade or Escalator?

47:06 Caller No, it's the car.

47:07 Drew It's it's the DTS. DTS.

47:10 Adam Oh, nice.

47:11 Drew Right.

47:12 Caller Right.

47:12 Drew And it's it's nice. It's got some fur in it and some leather and it's clean.

47:17 Caller Diamond in the back, sun rooftop.

47:19 Drew Yeah, it's really was nice. I could see you driving that, by the way. True.

47:23 Caller Yeah, you get a lot of girls, baby.

47:25 Drew Little gold anodizing where it counts. Anyway, Jimmy was so stoned that I had him absolutely convinced that he was going to tell ABC that they needed to throw a car in on the deal because that's a power move. That's the kind of move Snoop would do. He'd say, I need the cash, I need the contract, I need this, I need that. But you've got to throw in something.

47:44 Caller Yeah, something that makes me feel like the deal is worth doing.

47:46 Drew Right, right. So Caddy is backed off the Snoop DeVille.

47:50 Caller Yeah, they backed off. So maybe Chrysler, GM or somebody like that would get involved. You never know.

47:55 Caller Yeah.

47:56 Drew I think GM makes Cadillac, though, which is probably a problem.

48:00 Caller Might want to jump over Cadillac's head, you know what I'm saying?

48:03 Caller Right.

48:03 Caller That's right. Instead of talking to the underboss, I go talk to the real boss.

48:06 Drew That's right.

48:07 Caller All right.

48:07 Drew I don't want to want to. Oh, Snoop, by the way, is coming out to do some phone calls in Vegas with us this weekend.

48:15 Adam So I'll be out there.

48:16 Drew And Drew's going to be out there, too. So, yeah, we'll we'll roll on that show, too. That's my show.

48:23 Caller Yeah, it is.

48:24 Drew Yes.

48:24 Caller That's a great show, man.

48:26 Drew You like that show.

48:26 Caller I love it. I let my kids watch it, too. It's fly.

48:28 Drew We're going to make a puppet out of you.

48:30 Caller You might as well, man. You know, they counsel me off the Muppets because of Bill O'Reilly.

48:34 Drew Really?

48:34 Caller Yeah, I did a segment with him and then he started talking and they took me off. So it's all cool.

48:38 Drew Well, wait a minute. Now, now we were talking last night. We heard that you gave up weed. Is that true? How long has it been?

48:45 Caller About one hundred and fifteen days.

48:47 Drew Really? Drew, you want to do a urine test or you believe it?

48:50 Adam It would still be positive.

48:51 Caller So yeah, yeah. You got to give me what? One hundred and twenty days. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm five or six days away.

48:57 Drew No weed. Nothing for one hundred and fifteen days. That not even a roach.

49:04 Caller No, I just been walking through. I've been walking through clouds of weed. You know, my homies still smoke, so I walk through the clouds.

49:09 Drew So you just stand up and you get high?

49:11 Caller No, I just, you know, walked to the other room.

49:13 Drew And you just you just quit cold turkey? There's no patch. No, no, no, no, no, nothing. Jesus Christ. True.

49:21 Caller What do you think? That can happen, right, doc?

49:23 Adam You can have them, but you get pretty irritable and depressed when you stop.

49:25 Caller You know, you know what I substituted it for? I substitute it for my kids. I started spending time.

49:32 Drew Start smoking your kids.

49:33 Caller I started spending time with them. I would spend the time with them. I was always smoking weed instead of spending time with them.

49:38 Adam That's good.

49:39 Drew That's nice.

49:40 Caller That's a good thing, doc.

49:41 Adam Eventually, the weed stops working for you, too, right?

49:43 Caller Yeah, it didn't get me high.

49:44 Adam That's right. And then but the problem when you stop when you're at that point is you can get really depressed for a few months after it. So watch out.

49:49 Caller Oh, so depression time?

49:51 Adam Yeah. And for, you know, I'm troubled remembering things and stuff.

49:55 Caller But if I'm if I'm busy, I'm like stuck to the script by now. That's good. That's good.

49:59 Adam You're sort of you're sort of maintaining or managing.

50:01 Caller Yeah, I'm a maintainer. I like that word.

50:04 Drew All right. Let's let's take some calls. Snoop Dogg here tonight. Let's talk to Michael, who's 19. Michael, hey, what's up? What's up?

50:14 Caller Being a fan of the show. What?

50:18 Drew Why is that?

50:18 Caller I'm a big fan of your show. Adam, I think you're really cool.

50:24 Drew What kind of condition do you have?

50:26 Caller I'm in a wheelchair. I have a spinal muscular atrophy.

50:33 Drew Spinal muscular atrophy.

50:35 Adam We'll check. Do you know the other name for that?

50:38 Caller Weirnick-Offman.

50:39 Adam What is it?

50:40 Caller Weirnick-Offman. Weirnick-Offman?

50:44 Drew What is it?

50:45 Adam Spinal muscular.

50:45 Caller Weirnick-Offman.

50:48 Caller I thought it was... Weirnick-Offman?

50:51 Adam I thought it was Kugelberg-Wielander syndrome.

50:53 Caller No, I'm...

50:54 Adam You're the more severe form. Spinal muscular atrophy is usually a Kugelberg-Wielander.

50:59 Caller Sure.

50:59 Drew The guy's... Hold on a second. The guy's operating his wheelchair with a crazy strong. You're busting his chops like a chefer.

51:06 Adam I want to make sure it wasn't somebody just goofing with us.

51:09 Caller All right.

51:10 Caller Okay, that's good, doc. You do understand, and doc, know the terminology for that.

51:16 Caller I am the...

51:17 Drew You're the real McCoy. Are you in a wheelchair?

51:20 Caller Right now, I'm lying down.

51:23 Adam Let me ask...

51:23 Drew Normally, you're in a wheelchair.

51:25 Yeah.

51:25 Adam My patients with spinal musculatrophy... Tell me if this happened to you, too. I felt that as their disease got worse, their intelligence increased. Did that happen to you? That was one of my patients reported that.

51:39 Drew I got more time to read. Are you able to work or do anything like that?

51:47 Caller I'm in college right now.

51:49 Drew In where? In college. Okay. You're calling from Berkeley. You're going to Berkeley?

51:57 Caller Cool.

52:01 Drew You should be like Stephen Hawking. What's that?

52:08 Caller I'm a film major.

52:10 Adam What do you want to do?

52:11 Caller I want to direct.

52:14 Caller You want to direct ghetto movies, like gang violence movies?

52:20 Caller Anything that sounds good.

52:21 Drew They'll do anything. So what's your question, Michael?

52:27 Caller Well, I was here still like a month ago. And Adam, you said no one wants to cast you in any movie.

52:42 Drew No one wants to put me in any movies.

52:47 Adam Yes, I'd like to be in some movies. One of the reasons is that he won't talk to a casting director, won't go to a casting director. He insists on being called and given instructions where he turns up for a role without reading for it.

52:58 Drew I feel as if they should come to my house and take me to the set.

53:04 Adam He has a reputation for being a pain in the ass.

53:07 Drew Oh, please. Snoop, we've worked together many a time. Do you find me to be a pain in the ass?

53:13 Caller You find the work with him.

53:14 Drew That's right, a complete professional. I come over to Snoop's house, I get baked, and then I start eating.

53:19 Caller He's a complete professional. Not a professional, but a puff-fessional.

53:23 Drew There's no problems whatsoever.

53:25 Caller That's my main main main name.

53:26 Drew Hey, Michael. Listen, I appreciate your interest. Don't worry, I'll get in the movies if Snoop has to put me in one of his own himself.

53:38 Caller All right. It might sound a little bit odd, but I wrote my own stream play.

53:48 Drew Right.

53:49 Caller And I think there are two doctors in the film and I was thinking it would be really cool if you could play one of the doctors.

54:02 Drew One of the what?

54:03 Adam Doctors?

54:03 Drew One of the doctors? The doctors?

54:04 Caller And you can play the other doctor.

54:08 Drew Alright, I'll do it.

54:09 Adam I'm in.

54:10 Caller Alright.

54:11 Drew Hey, listen. What are you going to do? Send me the script?

54:16 Adam But then you can't read it, right? Isn't that how that works?

54:18 Drew No, I can't read it. It's illegal to read it and I can't read. Which is really the reason I can't read it. But listen. You ever out in the LA area?

54:29 Caller I'm afraid not, no.

54:32 Drew Alright, good. Then stop by. No. Never out here, huh?

54:35 Caller Um. I can come now.

54:37 Drew Alright, listen. This is the time in the show. And I'm telling you, we gotta get some T-shirts made up because this is the point in the call where I'd go, listen buddy, we're gonna send you out a T-shirt. What do you say? You know what I mean? Like, or like a official Loveline cowbell, Dr. Drew and Adam mootastic cowbell or something. We need some swag to hand out so when it gets uncomfortable in minute four the calls that aren't going well with the guy in the wheelchair, I can just say, hey pal, we're gonna send you out with a windbreaker some lovely parting gifts. Yeah. Michael, I'm sorry, I guess I can't read the script because then there's all kinds of legalities and stuff, but you're going to Berkeley, you're fine. Just keep on top of that. Alright, let's talk to Jesse who's 19. Jesse?

55:23 Caller Hey, how you doing?

55:24 Drew What's up?

55:26 Caller Not much. I was wondering about consensual age. I have a girl who's 19 and a girl who's 17 who really like me and I'm wondering if it's legally okay to go out with them and have sex with them and all that.

55:44 Adam You're how old? You're how old?

55:47 Caller I'm 19.

55:48 Adam Well, what I've got here for the state of Colorado, which it says you're calling from, 17 is age and consent in your state. You might want to check, this is somewhat old material, ageofconsent.com. In fact, Ann, why don't we get up that site and reprint stuff, get it updated.

56:03 Drew They have ageofconsent.com?

56:05 Adam Yep.

56:06 Drew And that's it? You just check it, figure out what it is for the state you're in and that's it? And that never varies within the state, does it?

56:13 Adam No.

56:14 Drew It's a statewide date.

56:15 Caller The same age no matter what you ask. So I thought 18 was legal.

56:19 Adam Each state is different.

56:20 Caller Oh, stairs?

56:22 Drew Yeah, see, what's I always say sounds dumb. We ought to just decide on one, like one age for the draft, one age to drink, one age to buy cigarettes. Why not one age to get laid?

56:32 Caller Yeah, 18 would sound like a cool number.

56:34 Drew If you, cause you live in Hawaii or Arkansas, I don't know where the low ones are.

56:39 Adam Spittes is back on Sesame Street. Boom, he's on.

56:43 Drew This is his bit. He's going to explain the age of consent.

56:46 Adam That's 18, baby. That's a good thing. That's why I can complain about that.

56:49 Drew A kid's gotta learn how to count. Why not count to the age of consent with Snoop Dogg?

56:54 Caller Can you count?

56:55 Drew All right, Jesse. It seems like you're okay, but get on that Internet and find out for sure.

57:02 Caller All right. Thank you.

57:03 Drew Don't get anyone pregnant.

57:05 Caller Give them a couple of months. Wait till their birthday before you really give it to them, Jesse.

57:09 Caller No problem. I will. Adam, I want to say you're a guide and thank you so much for all the knowledge that you give to everybody.

57:15 Drew Thank you, Jesse.

57:16 Caller Thanks to Dr. Drew and to Snoop Dogg.

57:19 Caller What's up, man? I got to do it.

57:21 Drew Take care, Jesse.

57:23 Adam I want to answer like that.

57:24 Drew See, listen, Snoop has good answers. People say, hey, Adam, I think you're a guy. And I go, hey, gee, thanks a lot, pal. Snoop's like, hey, you got to do it? When are they going to do that Starsky and Hutch movie? Do you know?

57:42 Caller We're supposed to be shooting in March, April and May.

57:47 Drew Yeah, that was made. Who was that? Antonio Vargas?

57:50 Caller Antonio Vargas, David Soule.

57:53 Drew And Paul Glazer. Paul Michael Glazer.

57:57 Caller He had a middle name, yeah.

57:59 Drew Jeff?

58:00 Yeah.

58:01 Drew You're 30? What's up?

58:03 Caller Well, I've got a question for all you guys. Well, first, have you seen the movie Bowling for Columbine?

58:09 Drew No, I haven't seen it yet. I heard it was good.

58:12 Caller Yeah, it's awesome. It's basically a documentary where Michael Moore investigates the prevalence of violence in American culture.

58:21 Drew Right.

58:22 Caller And he goes through the typical arguments about because guns are so widely available here in America, whereas in England, they don't have guns so they don't have murders. But then he looks at Canada, and Canada, they have millions of guns in all their households, and yet they don't have many, you know, gun murders that are going on.

58:45 Drew Yeah. Well, let me say this, because we got to go to break. We do a lot of this. You know, like, we do that thing where, like, they have no, almost no breast cancer in Japan, so we should start eating this, and then, and in Greenland, they have this, but they don't have that, and then here we have this, but we don't have that. It's just starting to turn out that certain places, they have this and they don't have that, and we should just accept it. It doesn't always have to do with diet or climate or guns in the household. Certain cultures, all cultures are a little bit different, and it's not the fact that there is stuff available, it's the fact that that's what the culture chooses to use. Do you know what I'm saying?

59:22 Adam Yeah, let's continue this discussion.

59:24 Drew Alright, Snoop Dogg here tonight. Yeah. We will see, see, people should say to Snoop, Snoop, look at you. You got six pack abs, you have five percent body fat. How do you do it? And Snoop would say, well, in my culture, we drink orange soda, we eat fried catfish, and we'd be riding feverishly. Okay, we got to do that. Well, we wouldn't want to do that, would we? We'd work for us.

59:46 Caller Drink an occasional 40 ounce of smolding.

59:48 Drew Yeah, before you go to bed.

59:50 Caller Yeah, right before.

59:51 Drew We'll be back.

59:53 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:00:11 Drew Thank Hey, everybody, it's the best of Loveline. I'm Adam. He would be Dr. Drew, except for he is skiing while I am here. The point is, is do not pick up your phone because we will not be here. This is the best of Loveline. And speaking of the best, a really, really good band came by here. British guys, you may have heard of them. Not pretentious, not snobs, just good guys. And now there's a phone ringing. I screw it, everybody. I'm going to kill Dr. Pruess for not shutting his phone off. Coldplay, everybody. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Jonathan and Chris are both here from Coldplay. Fatty, fatty. You go by the name of fatty in your 18 years of age. Maybe it's fatigue. How do you spell fatty, Drew?

1:01:07 Adam We'll put a Y on it.

1:01:09 Caller What happened, ACP?

1:01:11 Drew All right, hang on there, all right? All right, let's talk to Ashley. I always feel compelled to apologize for Americans whenever English, whenever in front of any English people because they're such horrible people. They're uneducated and they're sort of boorish and they're horrible people, let's face it. I wish I was English.

1:01:33 Best Of You're right, really.

1:01:35 Drew Yeah, they're horrible. They're horrible.

1:01:39 Best Of We have a, you guys seem all right.

1:01:40 Drew We're okay, we're the only two good ones. Ashley?

1:01:43 Caller Yeah.

1:01:44 Drew You're 17 years old?

1:01:46 Caller Yep.

1:01:46 Drew What's up?

1:01:48 Caller Okay, me and my cousin, see, we were planning on giving this guy head, right, at the same time because he really wants it from both of us. And some people told us that was incest, but we're not touching it at all, we're just giving it at the same time.

1:02:00 Adam It's a little bizarre, isn't it, somebody you're this close with, a family member? I mean, imagine you're 25 and coming back for Thanksgiving to visit your family and you have to think about some of the craziest stuff you did when you were 17.

1:02:11 Caller Yeah, it's just my cousin. Like one of my really good cousins.

1:02:14 Adam I understand.

1:02:16 Drew That's kind of Drew's point, but wait a minute, Ashley, are you black?

1:02:20 Caller No, I'm white.

1:02:20 Drew You're white. So this is more hillbilly stuff than it is hip hop stuff. Really?

1:02:29 Adam Yeah.

1:02:29 Drew You know, here's the thing about whether you're hillbilly or not, that's not for you to decide. That's for me and society to decide. We cast a vote toward hillbilly.

1:02:40 Adam Well, I'm moving towards trailer too.

1:02:42 Drew Trailer trash?

1:02:42 Best Of I saw you both being a bit cruel.

1:02:44 Drew You may be right.

1:02:45 Best Of I think Ashley sounds too nice to share. Just find your own fellow.

1:02:50 Drew Her mouth is too purdy to share with you, with another penis.

1:02:53 Adam What's going on Ashley? Come on, that's ridiculous. Do you like this guy?

1:02:57 Caller Well, we're like really good friends with him. And he's, you know, trying to get us both, I guess.

1:03:02 Adam Yeah, listen, don't think that by being with both of you somehow it's gonna throw both of your hats in the ring and maybe he'll go along with one of you. It will close out a relationship with him. You'll never have one, promise.

1:03:14 Drew Do you want a relationship with him?

1:03:16 Caller Oh no, it's just something crazy to do.

1:03:18 Adam You don't like him, you don't like him.

1:03:22 Drew She doesn't like him. How old is your cousin?

1:03:24 Caller She's 18.

1:03:25 Drew Okay.

1:03:26 Adam Well, now I'm thinking this is bogus.

1:03:28 Drew Why? Because why would she do this?

1:03:30 Adam Just something crazy to do. Just tossing it off to, not hillbilly, not trailer.

1:03:34 Drew Yeah, but if young, well that's what she says. If young girls are getting navel piercings and nipple piercings and tats and things like that, just because, just for the hell of it, why not this? It's less permanent.

1:03:45 Adam Because people do that, but she doesn't give me the right feel.

1:03:49 Drew Ashley? Why should we believe you?

1:03:54 Caller Why shouldn't you?

1:03:55 Drew Touche.

1:03:57 Best Of When I was 11, I kissed my cousin. Can I say that? Yeah.

1:04:00 Adam Oh, hey, call the police.

1:04:02 Best Of But it was, you know, we didn't really know what we were doing.

1:04:04 Drew No, I mean, your cousin.

1:04:05 Best Of We didn't give anyone head.

1:04:06 Drew That's the whole thing about the cousin that's sort of sexual trouble for a lot of kids, which is they become like a sort of sexual tackling dummy. They're an experimental person that it's like, they're close enough so that you can have a few cracks at them, but they're not exactly your sister. So it's not totally taboo. I imagine there's a lot of this going on. I mean, I did this with my cousin, Greg. Oh, no, I probably, I'm sure many cousins have done this.

1:04:34 Adam Yeah, I do, but this is not this. This is something different.

1:04:37 Drew Okay, Ashley, we cast our vote against this. All right. And why don't you find a guy you like and have a relationship?

1:04:48 Adam She's not doing, this is the show she just made up. I guarantee.

1:04:51 Drew Okay, all right. Just tell Drew you made this up so he can feel right.

1:04:55 Caller Well, I didn't, but I'll just say I did just to make him feel better.

1:04:59 Drew Yeah, I'm not sure if that's exactly the same. I know technically, if we had a stenographer here, it would almost sound the same, but I don't think Drew feels as good as he would.

1:05:09 Adam I can accept that they were kind of goofing and thinking about it, but that she was intending to do it, I don't buy it.

1:05:14 Drew All right, but where were these girls when we were in high school, by the way?

1:05:18 Best Of I think that the guy is onto a winner, though. He's got girls debating that problem.

1:05:24 Drew It would be great if they somehow, when I was in high school, I wish somebody could have worked my penis into a dare. Do you know what I mean?

1:05:32 Adam Yeah, dare Susie to touch Adam's penis.

1:05:35 Drew I dare you two hillbillies.

1:05:36 Best Of It's like Kiss Chase Gone Mad.

1:05:39 Drew Kiss Chase, what's that?

1:05:40 Best Of It's a game we play in England, in the, I guess you call it the recess of school.

1:05:45 Drew Kiss Chase, I like this.

1:05:46 Best Of What, you explain it, Johnny.

1:05:48 Caller Well, you just kind of chase around.

1:05:51 Best Of You chase girls, it's like a polite form of rape, I suppose.

1:05:54 Caller Oh, really?

1:05:54 Drew It's English man's rape.

1:05:56 Best Of Yes, but in a very polite and decent way.

1:05:58 Adam Is there, is it like, are there rules? There's like, you've got a pack of hounds, and you're on horseback?

1:06:03 Best Of What do you do? You just chase someone and give them a peck on the cheek.

1:06:06 Adam Yeah, I see.

1:06:06 Best Of But this was, this was what, 10 or 12 years ago when we were doing this, the time has changed.

1:06:11 Drew See, we have a version of that where we rape girls in public swimming pools here in the United States. I think it's basically the same thing. Can't remember what it's called though. Kayla? You're 15?

1:06:23 Caller Uh-huh.

1:06:24 Drew You got a question for Coldplay?

1:06:26 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:06:27 Best Of Go right ahead.

1:06:28 Caller Oh, I just want to know, is it better, or is it worth playing here or back at home? Or, you know, what's the difference? How do you like it?

1:06:38 Best Of We, well, it's, to us, it's all pretty great, you know?

1:06:41 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:06:41 Best Of It's, it's, when we were at school and when we were at Europe, well, I don't want to say your age, but when we were your age, you know, one concert a year was a great thing, you know? And now we get to do it every day or every two days in somewhere new and somewhere cool. And so we, we like it wherever, you know.

1:06:57 Drew Is there a difference in, between the audiences in Europe, the United States?

1:07:01 Best Of There's a lot more whooping and hollering over here. The whoop level.

1:07:03 Caller Really?

1:07:03 Best Of The whoop level is a lot higher. A lot more people go, yeah! Whoop. Even in the quiet songs.

1:07:09 Caller Really?

1:07:09 Best Of You can play a tender ballad in halfway through, someone go, yeah, you tell them!

1:07:14 Drew But you know what's weird?

1:07:15 Best Of But we like that.

1:07:15 Drew Once in a while, C-SPAN runs like your House of Parliament or Lords or whatever. House of Parliament. Yeah, House of Parliament. And some guy with a powdered wig starts talking. Everyone starts yelling at him while he's halfway in North Korea. And I think, really, you guys with the powdered wigs and the robes are screaming, but the audience is sitting on their hands. How did, what kind of backwards country is this? How does that work? Are they save it all up for that one parliament meeting?

1:07:43 Best Of It's odd. It's odd. Everywhere's a bit weird, isn't it?

1:07:46 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sorry.

1:07:49 Caller Remember the rat problem you had?

1:07:50 Drew Yeah, I had a rat in my house. Yeah. Nice. Really?

1:07:55 Caller That was pretty scary.

1:07:57 Drew Yeah, probably worse than a rat.

1:07:58 Best Of Bats are fine, you know. Bats are very intelligent creatures.

1:08:02 Drew Yeah, you hear about that. I mean, there's a few things you hear with animals. You hear, oh, they're smart. And then you hear, they eat the bad ones, although I never really see them eating the bad ones. It would help their cause if I could see them eating something bad just once. You know, people... I was talking about spiders the other week where people go, spiders eat the bad insects. Really? I just see them loafing around my house, scaring me. I never see them actually attacking or stalking any of the so-called bad insects. So that I would like to see. Like I like to see a spider eat some of the ants I have in my kitchen.

1:08:34 Best Of Because I met someone the other day who found a scorpion in her room eating a spider.

1:08:41 Drew It still doesn't help the spider's cause, but maybe a scorpion was in her room.

1:08:49 Best Of Who was it?

1:08:50 Drew I would move.

1:08:51 Best Of Someone went to a show. I know they just said, I was just talking about pets or something and they said, well, I found two scorpions and one of them was eating a spider.

1:09:00 Adam Was it Arizona?

1:09:01 Best Of No, it wasn't. I don't know where it was. It wasn't anywhere in the locality of here, so I don't know.

1:09:06 Drew If I saw a scorpion in my house, I would set the house on fire. I would. And then I would move to a different country. Country free of scorpions where I could start a scorpion free YouTube. I think let's just do Canada.

1:09:19 Best Of I don't think they are. Okay.

1:09:20 Drew No offense. No offense. I'll just go back and forth into like Detroit and hang out and then go back into my scorpion free environment of Canada. Actually I might branch into England. That's all I'm saying. I had a girlfriend from Hounslow.

1:09:35 Caller Did you have any? Yeah.

1:09:36 Drew She said it was by the airport. I never, I never been there. I don't know.

1:09:40 Adam By Heathrow.

1:09:40 Best Of You can't have been that close then.

1:09:41 Drew She was a stripper. She has a great accent.

1:09:45 Adam Hounslow.

1:09:45 Best Of Stripper. Yeah. We don't spend a lot of time there.

1:09:50 Caller Not in Hounslow.

1:09:51 Drew But you've heard of it?

1:09:52 Caller Yeah.

1:09:52 Best Of Oh, good.

1:09:53 Drew She wasn't lying. I thought the whole accent thing was fake too for a while.

1:09:56 Best Of Really?

1:09:57 Drew Brandon?

1:09:58 Yeah.

1:09:58 Drew You're 15?

1:09:59 Caller Yep.

1:10:00 Drew What's up?

1:10:02 Caller Well, I got a girlfriend and she gave me a blowjob and it took me a long time to orgasm, yes.

1:10:14 Adam You've never had sex, right?

1:10:16 Caller No.

1:10:17 Adam Do you masturbate?

1:10:18 Caller Yeah, I masturbate quite a bit.

1:10:20 Adam Does it take you a long time? We'll find out more about that in a minute.

1:10:23 Caller Right.

1:10:23 Adam Does that take you a while?

1:10:25 Caller For the masturbation? Well, yeah, it kind of seems that-

1:10:29 Adam How long does it take then?

1:10:32 Drew What do you think he has, an egg timer?

1:10:35 Adam He's dying to tell a story here and I'm just trying to get some answers before he goes into it. Is it five minutes, ten minutes, one minute?

1:10:44 Caller Twenty.

1:10:45 Adam Twenty minutes.

1:10:46 Best Of You want him to win it, man. I don't know what he's worried about.

1:10:48 Drew Twenty for masturbation?

1:10:51 Adam All right. Well, how long did it take when she was giving you oral sex?

1:10:55 Caller I wasn't really looking at the clock, but it seemed like quite a while.

1:11:00 Adam More than twenty minutes.

1:11:02 Caller Yeah.

1:11:03 Drew Hold on. Brandon?

1:11:05 Caller Yeah.

1:11:05 Drew I'm going to put you on hold too, all right?

1:11:07 Caller No.

1:11:08 Drew I'm finding I hate guys. There's nothing worse than teenage boys. They're so unrewarding to call. They call this goddamn show and they act like we called them at home and they're watching TV and we're bothering them. Like I called Brandon up in Montana. Hey, Brandon, it's Adam. I do a radio show. What about beating off? And he's like, oh, it's embarrassing.

1:11:26 Best Of It's embarrassing.

1:11:27 Drew Don't call the goddamn show then if you don't want to talk.

1:11:30 Best Of Can I say something to Brandon? I know that you guys are in control, but that is a, it sounds like a good problem to have.

1:11:36 Adam Yes, of course.

1:11:37 Drew They can't orgasm or takes a long time.

1:11:39 Best Of I mean, in my experience, I think girls would really appreciate that.

1:11:43 Caller Apart from the sore jaw.

1:11:45 Best Of No, no, no. I don't mean I don't mean like when you're having oral sex, but I mean when you get down to the actual proper, you know, 400 meter track race, if you see what I mean, right?

1:11:54 Drew Yeah, right. And but but see some guys aren't cut out that way. Some guys have a fast orgasm through intercourse and a very slow one or none at all through oral sex.

1:12:03 Adam But that's not the guy that takes 20 minutes to masturbating.

1:12:05 Drew Yeah, this 20 minutes to masturbate.

1:12:08 Adam Reflexing, Adam, you okay? You're disturbed by that.

1:12:12 Drew I was trying to work my schedule out thinking, she says four hours a day. Wait a minute, nine times 20, I'm going to work this out and then this weekend, I'd never see daylight.

1:12:24 Adam Grant has a very simple solution.

1:12:25 Best Of Can I tell you an English joke?

1:12:27 Drew Yes.

1:12:27 Adam Wait, just for Grant, he's got to cut back on the masturbation and he will have no problem. That's his deal. English joke.

1:12:34 Best Of Can I tell you, there's a guy, I once had this guy say, you know, I just recently stopped smoking and masturbation, which was difficult because I was a 20 a day man, and I smoked a lot too. Which is basically what you just said, but funnier.

1:12:48 Drew That was Dudley Moore's last joke before he got on the plane. No, I got it. That was good.

1:12:53 Best Of Thank you.

1:12:54 Drew 20 fags per pack, Drew.

1:12:56 Best Of Got it. Got it.

1:12:57 Drew See what I'm saying? Is it a pack of fags or is one cigarette is a fag in England, but what is a cigarette pack? Is that a cluster of fags? A gang of fags?

1:13:07 Adam A carton. It's a carton of fags.

1:13:10 Drew A herd of fags.

1:13:11 Best Of What is it, John? Do you smoke?

1:13:12 Caller Yeah.

1:13:12 Best Of Carton.

1:13:13 Drew Carton of fags.

1:13:14 Best Of Package.

1:13:15 Drew Pack of fags.

1:13:16 Caller Yeah. We got told when we come to America never to ask to bum a fag, you know, because it just means to borrow one, you know. Take someone else's.

1:13:25 Drew Marie? You're 21?

1:13:30 Best Of No way. I can't believe it.

1:13:32 Caller What do you guys think of people downloading your songs off the internet?

1:13:35 Best Of Oh, it's cool, you know.

1:13:36 Caller So you guys have no problem?

1:13:37 Best Of No, not at all, you know. It's good and it sometimes takes a long time.

1:13:42 Caller Can I ask one more question? Do you guys ever go on your website?

1:13:46 Best Of What, us as a band? Yeah. Very, very occasionally when we're being really foolish because going on your own website is to me a bit perverse. It's a bit like videotaping yourself having sex or something because the reason is just a bit dangerous because you can either get a massive ego or you get really depressed and neither of those two things are really that healthy.

1:14:07 Drew Yeah, it's true. People love you and then people hate you.

1:14:09 Best Of Yeah, because I read one message and it's like, you guys are the best thing ever. And I think, yeah, we are. And then it says, the next message says, you guys are the worst thing ever. And I go, oh, yeah, we are. And then I ring Johnny up and get really upset and then we will cry.

1:14:24 Adam I'm not the only person who does that, Adam.

1:14:26 Best Of Drew does that too. You shouldn't do it.

1:14:29 Drew Drew reads the stuff, he gets very upset. But Drew, if he reads a thousand, you're the greatest ever, and one, you guys are so-so, he pouts for weeks.

1:14:37 Best Of That's like us, you know.

1:14:38 Drew There's no pleasing, there's no pleasing. There's no compliment that's great enough to make you feel good enough to counteract the one bad one you're going to read, Drew. That's why you shouldn't do it.

1:14:50 Best Of That's sick.

1:14:50 Drew I know, I don't know what's wrong with you.

1:14:52 Best Of And you mustn't get depressed, like, because when your book comes out, would you like to mention your book?

1:14:56 Adam Yes, please.

1:14:57 Best Of But I'm sure there will be, because we're going through this at the moment, and we're going through daily, you know, psychotic depression.

1:15:03 Adam In fact, I was thinking about that. It's something you're so invested in.

1:15:06 Best Of Because every review, you know, you wait on it like you're waiting for, you know, a goods train or something, and it's bad to do that. And I'm giving myself advice as much as you, even though you're a bit older.

1:15:17 Adam Cheers.

1:15:18 Drew Coldplay in the studio. Marie? That's fine, right?

1:15:22 Caller And good job staying away from the groupies.

1:15:24 Best Of We stay well away.

1:15:26 Drew Yeah. There's three of them out in the parking lot right now. Are there?

1:15:32 Best Of Thanks, Marie.

1:15:33 Drew I walked in and they said, would you tell Coldplay we're here? And I said, who's where? And they said, us. Yes.

1:15:44 Best Of I like Marie.

1:15:46 Drew Let's take a little break. Hello? I'm Adam. Where's Dr. Drew? That's right. The lazy spaz is skiing while I'm here busting my hump, putting together the very best of Loveline. Now, don't bother calling in because we'll not be answering the phones. Instead, we've assembled a cavalcade of stars from the, what the hell's that show hers called, The Simple Life? Yeah, yeah, that's what it's called. Her and the hotel heiress, Paris Hilton. Getting together, this is Nicole Richie.

1:16:42 Caller Hey, yo, it's Loveline.

1:16:45 Drew I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. Nicole Richie is here tonight from The Simple Life. Nicole was just saying during the break she heard sex didn't get good until you were 60.

1:16:57 That's what my figure skating coach told me.

1:16:59 Adam Oh, you're a figure skater too.

1:17:01 Drew Good for you.

1:17:01 Adam For you.

1:17:02 Drew Yeah, but not for the fellas.

1:17:04 Adam No, guys, guys starts dropping off about 20.

1:17:07 Drew Yeah, if you, if you were to, if you, let's, let's just say you drew a chart, Drew. Let's just say, let's just say.

1:17:15 Adam For guys, it's purely the intensity of the physical experience, purely.

1:17:18 Drew Yeah.

1:17:19 Adam Right? There's really nothing else on the scale.

1:17:22 Drew All right. So it goes something like this and, you know, maybe hits its zenith and then, and then it, it sort of, sort of does this. You're like, come on, let go of my pen here.

1:17:32 At 20?

1:17:33 Drew You're like, you're like 35. It's just, it's just, then all of a sudden it's just free fall.

1:17:37 Let me ask you guys a question.

1:17:38 Drew Well, hold on a second. Then it actually curls in on itself. That's when you tuck your junk between your legs and you nail yourself in the ass. Yeah, but you're about 37.

1:17:48 Adam Ask us something.

1:17:48 Drew About 37 occasion.

1:17:49 Let me ask you a question. Is it true? One of my guy friends told me that once you start dating a girl, as soon as you have sex with her, right after, you become 50% less attractive.

1:18:01 Adam The girl does?

1:18:02 Yeah.

1:18:03 Drew No, not, not.

1:18:04 Adam Depends on the situation.

1:18:06 Is she just brutal afterwards?

1:18:08 Drew No, no, no, no, no. No, she doesn't become 50% less attractive the day after you have sex with her. It's a year after the first time you had sex with her, or six months. You mean, there's a stock drop somewhere in there.

1:18:24 Adam If you were really into that person to begin with, that will stay for a while.

1:18:29 Drew If you're in love or really into the person, it can be glorious and it can up things, depending on how they experience when.

1:18:36 I heard a whole dinner conversation with these young guys. I mean, these guys were 18 to 22.

1:18:41 Adam They're just getting laid.

1:18:42 Drew They're retarded.

1:18:43 Adam They're retarded. And they're assholes and they're just getting laid. They don't really care who they're... No, they're big assholes, they're big idiots. But they don't really care.

1:18:52 Caller And who wore these?

1:18:54 Drew Listen, don't take this the wrong way.

1:18:56 No, I was just at dinner with friends and I was hearing these conversations.

1:18:58 Drew I don't trust these guys. Okay, here's what it is. Yeah, these guys are assholes and no. Now, it is true that at a certain point in the relationship, it sort of slides into a different kind of thing.

1:19:10 Adam If a guy is just trying to get laid and has now done that, the attractiveness of the partner could drop off 90%.

1:19:18 Drew If that's his only motive.

1:19:20 Adam That could drop off 90%.

1:19:21 Well, that could happen with a girl also. That's not my question. I'm just saying like a guy, let's say he's really, really into a girl and then he sleeps with her.

1:19:28 Caller No.

1:19:28 Okay.

1:19:29 Caller No.

1:19:29 Drew Unless she's got a smelly hoo-ha.

1:19:32 Caller You know what I'm saying?

1:19:33 Drew If the box. If the box.

1:19:35 Caller Crusty box.

1:19:36 Drew Yeah, if there's some crust on the box, that can be a deal breaker.

1:19:39 Adam Vomit, please.

1:19:40 Drew But I'll be back. You know, that's how I am. Cause you know what? I'll give them a pass. Maybe they ate Thai or Mexican. Maybe they didn't.

1:19:51 I really don't believe there's any excuse for that. And I'm saying this as a girl. There is no excuse.

1:19:56 Drew For the crusty box?

1:19:57 For the crusty box.

1:19:58 Drew What if you just took a spinning class or something?

1:20:00 Then don't go over to the guy's house. Go take a shower. Take care of yourself.

1:20:04 Drew And you're clean down there, right?

1:20:06 Just respect yourself. It's a matter of self-respect, in my opinion.

1:20:10 Drew Right. Use the big rubber glove with the loofah hand on it.

1:20:14 I take the same glove that I used to pre-test the cow and wash the box with it.

1:20:19 Drew Sweet. You know, let me say this, what wouldn't be a bad thing. You know, they got these, and I'm sure you got this at your house. You live in a nice house. They have the showers that have just more than... Here's how you can judge how you're doing in life. How much water hits you when you get in the shower. When you go, when you live in some crappy apartment, Van Nuys, you got the showerhead, you got the water saver. It's like a dwarf.

1:20:51 Caller I've heard that. It was the hard water. What is hard water?

1:20:53 Drew No, not hard water.

1:20:54 Adam Just no water, dribble.

1:20:56 Drew This is the state issued water saver showerhead. It's like a dwarf's pissing on you. It's just like some drunken dwarf is standing on the edge of the shower, taking a leak on you. It's like nothing. But when you got a few bucks, you get better showerhead. But if you got real bucks, like the coal over here, you get it coming from all sides. You get the whole thing. You get the cascade from the left and the right, from the top. What about a little action from the bottom?

1:21:18 Caller Well, they have bidets for that.

1:21:19 Drew I know, but why bother hitting the bidet when you're in the shower already? How about a little upward shot?

1:21:24 Caller That's actually a good idea.

1:21:26 Drew You could dial it in, pow, right in the box.

1:21:28 Adam That's the point of the removable shower.

1:21:31 Drew Why should an important celebrity?

1:21:33 Caller He doesn't want to do it manually.

1:21:34 Adam He doesn't want to move his hands.

1:21:35 Caller He doesn't want to move his hands.

1:21:36 Drew Here's all I'm saying. Once you get it, and I could use one for the backside of the box.

1:21:41 Adam Oh man, could you?

1:21:41 Drew Oh yeah. Once you get those things going the right direction, you get a couple of ones in there.

1:21:46 Caller So it goes up from the bottom and then the lower half of the side to get the crack.

1:21:51 Adam Adam, you'd have to go to one of those veterinary places and see what they use to hose the animals in.

1:21:56 Drew I need to be dunked. Let's face it. But here's what I'm saying. You get hit, you got the shower coming down on top of your head. You want to clean the crack or the sack or the trunk or the chunk or the p-ks of the c-ks off. You got to, it's coming down your head. You got to do that weird hand scoop thing and like kind of scoop it up, yeah. You're giving yourself a mild enema. You know what I mean? Just scoop it. Wouldn't it be nice just to have something shoot up from the, you know, 45 degrees?

1:22:23 Caller But that might be uncomfortable. It's like something shooting up your box.

1:22:26 Drew But you can control it.

1:22:28 Caller And then there's girls like that that won't get an orgasm because they'll just stand in their shower and get water shoved up their box all day. I wouldn't leave my shower.

1:22:35 Drew No, you wouldn't. Oh.

1:22:37 Adam And that's a bad thing?

1:22:38 Drew That's a bad thing, yeah. Look how clean you'd be. You'd never leave. I'm just saying you get your box and your lunch, too.

1:22:46 Adam Another one of your genius ideas.

1:22:47 Drew I just said, shoot it up. Let's have it going up. I don't mean directly underneath. It's an angle.

1:22:53 Caller And then you should have a button that someone comes and licks it after you're done.

1:22:58 Drew Your box.

1:22:58 Caller They're like, test it out, dear.

1:23:00 Drew Yeah, sampler. Yeah.

1:23:03 Caller And feeds you pizza. You eat the pizza and they lick the box.

1:23:06 Drew This is why we need to get together.

1:23:08 Adam Oh my.

1:23:09 Caller We should invent it.

1:23:09 Adam You guys have been married.

1:23:10 Caller We should invent it.

1:23:11 Drew Yeah. I'll just stay home thinking of new ways to clean the box.

1:23:15 Caller And then call me.

1:23:16 Drew Yeah. And we get some hermaphrodite.

1:23:18 Adam Is this what the simple life is about? Is this what you guys talk about?

1:23:21 Caller Yeah.

1:23:22 Drew A servant.

1:23:23 Caller Clean the cow's box.

1:23:24 Drew A hermaphrodite servant. You know, no sexuality.

1:23:27 Adam Yeah, that's the eunuch. Unicorn.

1:23:28 Drew Unic, eunuch. Yeah. And then just taste the box. We'll get a food taster too, just in case.

1:23:34 Caller All right.

1:23:35 Drew Rose, I need my own entrance. Rose, you're 55.

1:23:40 Caller Yes.

1:23:41 Drew What's happening, baby doll?

1:23:43 Caller Well, I just got married to this guy from Colorado, a little town in Colorado, and he cross dresses.

1:23:52 Caller And-

1:23:52 Caller That's so hot. I love it.

1:23:56 Caller Oh, you like that?

1:23:57 Caller I like that.

1:23:58 Caller And he makes videotapes.

1:24:01 Adam Of the two of you?

1:24:02 Caller No. We had domestic violence and we were in jail. And while he was in jail, he met this whore from Denver.

1:24:11 Drew Whore from Denver.

1:24:14 Caller And made a videotape with her.

1:24:16 Drew In the joint or when he got out?

1:24:18 Adam Did he go in as a female or as a male?

1:24:21 Caller Oh, he had his flip on.

1:24:23 Drew All right, hold on a second. Rose, you need to turn your radio down.

1:24:27 Caller Oh, I don't have a radio on. I have a TV. Let me turn it off.

1:24:33 Drew Hold on a second. First off, how effing retarded do you have to be- How loud does your goddamn TV have to be when you're on a national radio show? Do you know what I mean?

1:24:43 Adam Yes, you've got to be able to hear it while you're talking, right?

1:24:46 Drew Good, we have the stupidest callers in the planet. Rose, Rose.

1:24:51 Caller I guess you haven't had any calls from Akron, Colorado. You'd have stupider people.

1:24:56 Adam Is that your husband you're talking about? Your violent, violent cross-dressing, no-count husband.

1:25:04 Caller I don't know if he's a pervert, homosexual.

1:25:07 Adam No, you know that he met a woman who's actually a prostitute?

1:25:11 Caller Yeah, a whore.

1:25:12 Adam While in jail and made some films with her?

1:25:15 Caller Right, made a video.

1:25:17 Drew Okay, but let's ask a couple of quick questions. How does he get to meet the female population of the prison?

1:25:24 Caller Because we were just in holding cells.

1:25:27 Adam You were there too?

1:25:28 Caller Yeah, I was there too.

1:25:29 Caller What did you guys do to each other?

1:25:32 Caller Domestic violence.

1:25:33 Adam What did you do?

1:25:33 Caller What, what? Just be, it's fine.

1:25:37 Caller He broke windows of a car and I went in and saw him and shook him. It was-

1:25:46 Caller Well, that's not-

1:25:47 Drew She shook him with a tie around her. All right, so listen, Rose, still they put everyone in a holding tank and they don't break you up into sexes?

1:26:01 Caller We weren't in the same holding tank, but it's just a little hit town.

1:26:05 Drew All right, well, you weren't in the same holding tank, but he was with the chicks and you-

1:26:10 Caller Right.

1:26:11 Caller How did he get a video camera in the holding cell?

1:26:14 Caller He didn't have the video camera. The officers had the video camera.

1:26:18 Caller The officers-

1:26:20 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:26:21 Caller Took your husband, who cross-dressed with a whore.

1:26:24 Caller No, no, we don't. I swear it, it's true.

1:26:29 Drew Well, first off, you're borderline retarded and insane. So whatever you swear on doesn't mean anything.

1:26:36 Caller Well, I wasn't gonna swear.

1:26:37 Drew All right, but here's the point.

1:26:39 Caller And I'm not borderline, I'm retarded.

1:26:41 Drew All right, then you're fully retarded. You're actually in the middle of Retardville.

1:26:45 Caller No. I ain't retarded and I ain't retarded.

1:26:52 Drew Okay, now listen. What do you guys do for money?

1:26:56 Caller What we do for money?

1:26:59 Adam Hold on a second.

1:27:00 Drew Always a bad sign.

1:27:01 Adam I'm gonna answer your question with the same question.

1:27:04 Drew Yeah, now the only thing worse than what do we do for money is? Right now. Yeah, right now. Right now, okay, I predict multiple jobs.

1:27:14 Caller He works on his mother's ranch.

1:27:16 Drew Works on his mother's ranch.

1:27:17 Caller Yeah, he's a little mama's boy too.

1:27:19 Drew All right, and her ranch is, you're familiar with it.

1:27:24 Caller Does he preg test the cows? Does he cross-dress while on the ranch? Is his mom okay with that?

1:27:32 Caller She don't know it. What'd you say about the cows?

1:27:35 Drew Why did you marry this guy?

1:27:37 Caller Cause I didn't know it then.

1:27:39 Drew You didn't know anything about the abuse, the cross-dressing?

1:27:42 Caller We met on the computer.

1:27:44 Caller Well that's dangerous.

1:27:45 Adam Do you have some disability or something?

1:27:47 Caller Why?

1:27:48 Caller Why?

1:27:48 Adam Do you have some disability or something?

1:27:50 Caller I'm on disability.

1:27:51 Adam For what?

1:27:53 Caller I have a few problems, an aneurysm.

1:27:58 Adam That doesn't put you on disability. Why are you on disability?

1:28:00 Caller That's why I'm on disability.

1:28:02 Adam What kind of aneurysm?

1:28:05 Caller Aortic.

1:28:06 Adam Thoracic, abdominal?

1:28:08 Caller Which? Right, aortic, abdominal, aneurysm.

1:28:10 Adam That does not put you on disability.

1:28:12 Caller My kidney stopped and I had stents, but I didn't call about my...

1:28:17 Adam You had an aortic replacement and you went into kidney failure. Are you on dialysis now?

1:28:22 Caller No.

1:28:23 Drew Hold on a second.

1:28:25 Caller My only question...

1:28:26 Drew Don't they need her back at NASA? Well, we got a launch coming up in a few months.

1:28:30 Caller What's the point?

1:28:31 Adam JPL's been looking for her.

1:28:33 Drew Rose, listen to me. I want you to get a divorce from this guy. He just wants... You know why? Why? Because he's an abusive, alcoholic, cross-dresser, mama's boy.

1:28:48 Caller I never said he was abusive. How'd you know that? Because he is.

1:28:50 Caller You just said domestic violence. So that would be categorized as abusive.

1:28:56 Caller You mean a go-no-go for launch?

1:28:58 Adam No head injuries or anything like that, Rose, in your past?

1:29:01 Caller No.

1:29:02 Drew No, but what happened? Were you abused as a child?

1:29:05 Caller Not that I know of.

1:29:07 Drew Really?

1:29:07 Adam What did you do for a living before your aortic replacement?

1:29:10 Caller I was a supervisor for a bank.

1:29:13 Drew Really?

1:29:14 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:29:15 Drew A piggy bank or a full-size bank? I'm picturing a small bank.

1:29:19 Caller No, a big bank. One of the major ones, yes. I have a brain.

1:29:25 Drew You're capable.

1:29:26 Caller Except when it comes to love, I think with my heart. And I'm an asshole.

1:29:31 Drew All right, but look, look, Rose, I'm feeling bad now. We don't want to beat you up anymore, but here's the thing.

1:29:37 Caller Oh, you're not getting me.

1:29:39 Drew Listen, you're a capable person. You managed a big bank. There's no reason you should be with this guy. And by the way, being without somebody's, and here's something that all you ladies need to hear. I think guys know it pretty good, but women don't know it is better to be alone than to be with an abusive, alcoholic, cross-dressing mama's boy. It really is just better to be on your own. And I think the thought is, is, well, I don't want to be on my own because maybe no one else will have me. Well, if no one else this bad has you, then so be it. You know what I mean?

1:30:15 Adam Absolutely.

1:30:16 Drew All right, so Rose, you're better than this. You just find a normal guy who can appreciate you. That's it.

1:30:22 Adam Just move on.

1:30:24 Drew And listen, the guy's like 10 years younger too. That's when you step up, get a nice 65 year old guy.

1:30:29 Adam You get an older guy.

1:30:29 Drew Heavy smoker.

1:30:31 Adam Won't have that will to live anymore. Won't be going at you with a baseball bat, your car windows.

1:30:36 Drew Fine.

1:30:36 Adam For the 46 year old, the car is still a emblematic of Rose. Right. He's beaten the crap out of the car. Yeah.

1:30:43 Drew As though it were. Yeah. This guy, this guy just seems like very, very defective to say the least. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Nicole Richie's here from The Simple Life. We'll be right back after this. All right guys.

1:30:58 Here's the deal. Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person? Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

1:31:26 Drew There, buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. God bless you for listening to the best of Loveline, more of the best tomorrow night. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo. And now, there's a phone ringing.

1:31:47 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, January 21, 2004