Episode 1000580824310

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:04 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew. Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. Peter Gallagher and Adam Brody are here tonight from the OC. Wednesday nights on Fox. And I would say a big hit of the new fall season. Absolutely. And now that skin's gone, you're the only game in town for the, you know, sort of hour long, show a little tale, have a little drama, fantasy, yes?

1:35 Guest Yes, it's true. And a couple of laughs.

1:37 Adam Yeah. I, you know, I definitely, you know, is unimportant. And this is gonna sound bad at first, but it's gonna get better.

1:46 Guest Hold your breath.

1:47 Adam People make certain TV shows. I, you know, the, when the Melrose Places and the 90210s. When they were gone. There was a void there. Yeah, and this is, I mean, not nearly as corny or schmaltzy, but more the millennium version of that, that ilk of show, would you say?

2:07 Guest We're doing our best to fill that void, I think.

2:09 Drew And Adam, you're from San Diego, right? Yeah. Does this microphone sound funny?

2:12 Adam Yeah.

2:12 Drew It sounds like hell. I hate to say it.

2:14 Adam It sounds like fried hell, too. Something wrong? Anderson, you got to push a button or something?

2:20 Drew It's all good. Chris is that.

2:21 It's nothing to do with me over here, man.

2:24 Drew All right. So you're almost from Marsh County.

2:26 Guest Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, I grew up in San Diego and I've lived in LA for the last five years. So I've sandwiched it my whole life.

2:33 Adam Adam was in The Ring, by the way, which is that movie I had that experience with when I saw The Ring on a Sunday night. Then we had a big windstorm and I came about four in the morning. I was awoken by my television, which had magically turned on because I got one of these plasma screen TVs and it's a gateway one. And for some reason, if you cut the power and then turn the power back on, the TV comes on, even if it was off when the power was on. So the TV came on at 435 in the morning in the living room. And it was the 50 year old evangelist who was just sitting there screaming into his microphone. And I just woke up to hear the sound of some scary old man that was in my living room. And I'd seen the ring just about six and a half hours earlier. And I stumbled down the stairs. Still had a buzz on probably. And I walked down and all I could see was the glow of the TV set in the living room because I was sort of behind it. And I was disoriented. It was a big windstorm outside and I thought this is it. The ring has come to get me.

3:41 Guest This is how I'm going. I was in that movie and it still scared me.

3:45 Adam Did it scare you to watch it?

3:46 Guest A little bit more like it scared me later when I was at home. And I think that similar experience would have happened with my TV maybe a week later and it scared me. It should have because I was in it.

3:54 Guest But it did.

3:57 Adam Well, that either means it was a very good movie or you're incredibly stupid.

4:04 Guest No, it wouldn't be a combination.

4:06 Adam It was an incredibly good movie. Of course, Peter Gallagher, everyone's a fan of and kind of a has had a career that has spanned, what, 20 years now?

4:20 Guest More.

4:21 Adam The good news is you look the same.

4:22 Guest It's true.

4:23 Adam As you did when you first landed on Plymouth Rock. I mean, you look exactly the same, which is nice. Probably do you take care of yourself or just strong genetics?

4:34 Guest You know, it's really the genetics, I think.

4:36 Adam Of course.

4:37 Guest I don't do anything extraordinary.

4:39 Adam Good. There's nothing worse than one of these blowhards that explains that, well, I do some Tai Chi once a month and that gives me my... No, it's not enough.

4:48 Guest My mom's, you know, in her 80s and she looks, you know, she looks good. I really can't take any credit for any of it.

4:54 Adam Good. It's better just to just give it to your parents and God. Yeah. And ultimately, in a way, even more narcissistic to say, this is it, baby. Smoked three packs a day, I just finished a bottle of wild turkey and look at me, I look great.

5:10 All right.

5:11 Adam So OC, now has it been, let's see, has it been picked up for more or where? I can't figure where we are in TV seasons anymore because of all the cable and all the stuff that goes on.

5:22 Guest Ours is a little weird because we started in the middle of summer.

5:25 Right.

5:26 Guest So, I don't even know necessarily, we went and then we went off like for a month and a half for baseball. So everyone thought it was like the second season when in reality it was just kind of the relaunch of the first season, just picking up where we left off. And I mean, we got picked up for the rest of the year, we're going to do 27 of them.

5:39 Adam Oh, 27.

5:40 Guest Which is more than, yeah, yeah, yeah, which you obviously know, but it's a lot, yeah, I know, it's a lot, so we'll see.

5:46 Guest It's hard keeping track. I mean, we just, we've been in production since the end of May and sometimes you think, oh, well, you're not quite sure which episode you're doing.

5:55 Adam Is shooting an hour-long show like this, it's in a way, it's like shooting like a movie, more, certainly more than like a sitcom, right?

6:04 Guest Yeah, yeah, yeah.

6:05 Adam I mean, you just film it. I mean, you're essentially making a smallish movie for each week.

6:10 Guest We did make a little movie in eight days.

6:12 Drew Well, we did out in North Carolina.

6:13 Adam Oh, yeah. Drew doing a little name dropping. We did a little something called Dawson's Creek.

6:18 Guest Oh, yes, we did. Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

6:20 Adam We're the final nail in the Dawson's Creek paulia. Yep, that was it. Probably one of the last episodes.

6:26 Guest Well, we'll know who to call when it's time.

6:29 Drew Call or quits.

6:30 Guest Well, the good news is it's an ensemble. So I mean, it's hard because it's, you know, for what 14 hour days every day. But if, you know, you were like Sarah Michelle Gillard on Buffy, it'd be a lot harder because you're in every scene. The good news is we have a big cast and get to rotate.

6:42 Adam I'll tell you who to call when it's time to go, Ted McGinley. This guy, when he steps in from the bullpen, that means it's time to go. He he did it on did on Happy Days. He slid in there, married with children.

6:56 Guest He was married for a while, though.

6:58 Adam It's true.

6:58 Guest And he was an Avenger of the Nerd.

6:59 Guest So he's kind of like the Grim Reaper.

7:01 Adam Ted McGinley, when you're going to the that's the bullpen.

7:04 Guest Is he in like Hope and Faith this year or something like that?

7:06 Adam He slides in about season three and a half of almost every show. I remember when we were on the fourth season of the Man Show, contractually, Ted McGinley had to join us. I think we paid him off. That's an after thing. I don't know how it works, but McGinley has to enter episode 85, 86 of any production. It's a great deal he has. All right. So OC, Wednesday night, it's 9 o'clock Fox and I work over at the Kimmel office and a lot of the guys are cuckoo for OC. Oh yeah. Absolutely are.

7:40 Guest Oh, you know, it's great. There's a lot of guys are watching the show.

7:42 Adam Yeah, they are.

7:43 Guest And you'd think it would be just young girls and so on. But a lot of guys, you know, 18 to and on up. And it was a big surprise.

7:52 Drew Yeah. Not all.

7:54 Adam No, some are bi.

7:55 Guest Yeah.

7:56 Adam But mostly gay.

7:57 Drew All right.

7:58 Adam Let's hop to the phones and speak to Mark, who's 20.

8:03 Mark.

8:04 Adam What's up?

8:06 Drew All right.

8:06 Well, the past couple of days, actually, my penis has been leaking out some sort of, I don't know what it is, but it just happens all day long. And I look in my underwear and I have little spots and it's almost like a lime green type of color.

8:21 Drew Are you new sexual partners? Anything like that?

8:24 No, I've had the same girlfriend for over a year.

8:29 Drew She had an infection ever or she been complaining of anything?

8:32 She's had like a yeast infection and a UTI, but that's about it.

8:36 Drew And when was that?

8:39 Months ago.

8:40 Drew Months ago. And you were having no other symptoms other than the discharge? No pain or burning when you urinate or anything like that?

8:45 Well, yeah, actually when I pee, you know, it does hurt a little bit.

8:48 Drew All right. Well, it's definitely an infection, I would suspect. And so you for sure have to be seen about it. Why you would get it is sort of mysterious. Women can get vaginal infections without new sexual contacts sometimes.

9:02 Adam Yeah.

9:02 Drew It could be.

9:03 Adam All my girlfriends say that. I've always said that.

9:06 Drew It's been their excuse?

9:07 Adam Yeah, they've always used that one.

9:08 Yeah.

9:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

9:10 Hey, Mark.

9:12 Adam Is it really? Is it green?

9:13 Yeah.

9:14 I got a bunch of green spots that wear white underwear. Look in there. There's a bunch of green spots, man.

9:19 Adam I switched to black underwear at a certain point in my career. I'm like, I don't have to prove anything anymore. Give me the black stuff. I get a few days wearing out of it.

9:26 Guest Nobody knows the better.

9:28 Drew And so why didn't you get this checked out?

9:30 I don't know. I thought it would go away after. And I was wondering also, it happened I think after the night I had sex with her when she was on her period. Do you think that would have happened?

9:40 Drew No, that really shouldn't. The great thing about guys, that's how people get secondary tertiary syphilis is they get these lesions, they go away. It's gone, thank goodness. And the syphilis goes inside and starts eating up your brain.

9:53 Adam It also feels like you should be able to pee anything out of you that's down there. You know what I mean, it just seems like you could nail it with a good dose of asparagus whiz and just shove it, blow it right out.

10:06 Drew No.

10:07 Adam No.

10:08 Drew It seems like it, but no.

10:08 Adam It does seem like it. Where is it when you get an infection like this?

10:12 Drew In the urethra. In the lining of the cells, the urethra.

10:15 Adam It goes up the urethra?

10:16 Drew It goes into the, yeah.

10:17 Adam How far in?

10:18 Drew To the bladder.

10:20 Adam Oh, so it climbs the ladder.

10:22 Drew But most importantly, it penetrates into the tissue.

10:26 Adam So, it's a long, your penis.

10:28 Drew Yes, but inside the body, in the tissue.

10:31 Adam Is your urethra from the tip of your penis is where it ends?

10:35 Drew This is why we have anatomy textbooks here.

10:38 Adam How far does it go in? How far past your penis on the anus side does the urethra go?

10:43 Drew I don't even understand how to answer that question.

10:46 Adam Well, how far in? Does it go in like five inches? Because most people just think the urethra goes in the penis. Oh, so it's all the way up.

10:54 Drew Through the prostate, all the way down, all the way through here, all the way up there.

10:57 Adam All right. Well, then I do have a long urethra.

11:01 Drew All right. Peter's going to vomit.

11:03 Guest Oh, it's a pretty good track, that urethra. A lot can happen.

11:07 Drew All right.

11:07 Adam So he's got to see the doctor, right? Are they going to give him the suave?

11:10 Drew Probably. And they both should be treated for chlamydia, I suspect, too.

11:14 Adam That's bad times. Let's talk to Dana, who's 18. Dana?

11:19 Yes, hi. Yeah. Daddy, you're going to wake up Mommy. What movie is that from, darling?

11:29 Drew Quiet, Daddy.

11:31 Guest Seriously?

11:32 Yeah.

11:33 Guest Quiet, Daddy. You're going to wake up Mommy?

11:37 Drew Adam Carolla?

11:38 Guest Oh, thank God. Sorry.

11:40 This is from taboo, too. Don't tell him. I know who you are. I listen to you loyally every night.

11:47 Guest Okay. Thank God.

11:48 Adam What is she talking about?

11:50 She's...

11:51 Adam Hey, Dana.

11:52 Yes?

11:53 Adam Are you nutty?

11:54 No, no.

11:55 I just had... I'm sorry.

11:57 Adam, this is from your favorite movie. Quiet Daddy is Gonna Wake Up Mommy.

12:04 Adam That's taboo, too. All right. Now I got it. Is that a porn? That's taboo, too.

12:09 Guest Yeah.

12:09 Adam That's the theme from taboo, too. It's a movie.

12:12 Guest It's about a guy. If you listen to the lyrics of this song, let's just listen to the song for a second.

12:17 Adam This song was written about a guy who's having sex with his mom and his sister. But just listen to the heartfelt lyrics of this song.

12:24 Guest Okay.

12:24 Guest Now it makes sense.

12:29 Guest That's kind of a lyrical cop-out when you do that. It's your favorite part now. This is where it takes a turn.

12:39 Adam Maybe you did. But you don't. Yeah, you didn't think he was after his mom and his sister.

12:44 Guest Bet you didn't know that about him, did you? No? And then shows it all.

12:53 Adam And by the way, turn that down Anderson. But why only reveal what he wants you to see and then shows it all?

13:01 Guest It doesn't seem to make sense.

13:02 Drew It's just family members.

13:03 Adam I say.

13:04 Guest So what was he doing in Taboo 1?

13:06 Adam Taboo 1, he was effing his aunt and his grandma. I don't know. I picked it up in Taboo 2. I started in Taboo 2.

13:17 Guest It made sense.

13:19 Adam It worked for me. And I never made it into Taboo 3.

13:23 Drew The real comedy is when you and Ron Jeremy get together and talk about it, it's like you're talking about the making of Gone with the Wind or something. Right.

13:28 Guest Oh, was he in it?

13:29 Adam Having to.

13:30 Drew I would explain what they were doing on various days of shooting and who was there on the set.

13:35 Adam When I'm with Ron Jeremy, I'm like one of these Star Trek nerds who shows up at the convention and is going to tell Shatner, remember in episode 23, Shatner is drunk and he's trying to find a light. He's like, yeah, listen, I just want my 300 bucks.

13:51 Guest I don't know what you're talking about.

13:53 Adam Such your taser, the nerd and just hit the bricks. Yeah, that's what it's like.

13:58 Drew All right, Dana. Oh yeah, Dana.

14:01 I was listening. I enjoy you guys. I've been listening to you since years and years ago from Southern California. And I actually am asking for a friend of mine, however, can you get herpes from using towels or toys from what? Hang on. I'll ask him from two people that have herpes.

14:19 Adam When you say toys.

14:21 And dildos and so forth.

14:24 Drew I'm talking about Mr. Mechanic.

14:26 She said she wipes off with alcohol or the time she used it and then she found a bump, but she used alcohol and then she used dial, dish soap and a lot of hot water.

14:36 Adam Well, they're making them dishwasher safe now, the double toners, at least so the package does.

14:41 Drew You know, towels and things like that can even carry it. Anything that stays wet, it's called a fomite, it'll carry the virus with it.

14:50 Guest Don't share needles and don't share dongs.

14:53 Adam Did you? But what about rubbing alcohol?

14:57 Drew Yeah, it should help, but no, it won't necessarily eliminate it.

15:00 Adam What about this idea I just had, an alcohol-laden patch that you put under your underarm and just works on utensils, works on dildos and vibrators and butt plugs. It's just like you don't have time to run to the bathroom when you're in the throes of some sort of bizarre sexual threesome that's going on, or maybe you're going at it with your lesbian partner or what have you. Just a quick wipe under the arm with my new…

15:28 Drew Well, there you go.

15:29 Adam adhesive alcoholic underarm patch. And I think you're home. Peter?

15:34 Guest Well, I think if you're alone, you could just sort of squeeze that patch and…

15:39 Adam Just drink it?

15:41 Guest There you go. Either way, it's a win-win situation.

15:44 Adam After a couple of wipes, too. Like when you get the soiled patch, the nectar that comes from that, Drew, you catch quite a nice buzz from that.

15:52 Drew We've got a Florida or Germany question.

15:54 Adam Oh. Now, here's how Florida or Germany works. All bizarre evil either comes from Florida or Germany.

16:02 Drew Yes.

16:02 Adam We've figured this out. So what happens is people call in, they give us the bizarre story, and we guess, did it come from Florida or is it out of Germany?

16:12 Drew We're so good at that. I wouldn't call it a guess anymore.

16:15 Adam It's an educated guess.

16:18 Drew We tell them whether it's from Florida or Germany.

16:20 Guest Can't you tell? Is it a story that you read or do they read it? Won't we be able to tell if they're German?

16:25 Drew No, no.

16:26 Adam The story will be out of it, not the storyteller. Here's the theme. Taboo 2 Go ahead, Paul.

16:36 Caller Yeah, hey guys. This is about two robbers who get in a taxi in town and they go to the country or actually the suburbs and they hold a gun to the taxi driver's head and they give him a tube of superglue and they make him glue his hands to the steering wheel, then they take off with his wallet.

16:58 Adam Germany or Florida?

16:59 Drew It sounds very Florida-esque.

17:01 Adam Yeah.

17:01 Drew But he did say take the car out to the country.

17:04 Guest Yeah, it seemed like geography, he didn't know what to call it, suburb or country, where was it? I feel like Germany.

17:09 Adam Yeah.

17:09 Caller There's the countryside in Florida, too.

17:11 Guest What side of the?

17:12 Adam Uh-oh.

17:12 Guest What side of the?

17:13 Drew No one has ever called the outskirts of a city in Florida countryside.

17:16 Adam No, yeah. Here's what you got.

17:18 Drew Swamp.

17:18 Adam Swamp. Yeah, you got your waffle hut, and then there's just putrid swamp. That's all. Ten feet outside of the waffle house, it's swamp. So we're going Germany.

17:30 Guest I'll go Germany.

17:31 Adam We're going Germany? We're going Germany, Paul.

17:33 Caller All right. Berlin last week, so you got me.

17:37 Guest Yeah, Florida, man. They do more than take his wallet and his hands or glue it. Good point.

17:41 Adam Yeah, and it's...

17:42 Drew They wouldn't go through the trouble of taking him out of town, either.

17:45 Adam Yeah, and the whole gluing the hands to the wheel thing sounds too creative for Florida. Florida, they just hit him with their shoe or something and then try to steal his fillings. Got a question for... That's how they do it over there. Harlett?

18:01 Yeah, hi. How are you guys?

18:03 Adam That's your name, huh?

18:04 Yeah.

18:05 Adam All right.

18:06 Well, that's not a real name, but...

18:08 Adam Your 17th.

18:08 Drew It's not a real name.

18:09 Adam All right.

18:11 I wanted to ask Dr. Drew, have you heard about the new birth control gum? I just want to know how effective is it and how does it work?

18:20 Drew I had not heard of that. I'm assuming it's an estrogen-progesterone combination. Adam had heard of it.

18:26 Adam What do I know? I heard of it.

18:28 Drew It's the same thing as other oral contraceptives, yes?

18:31 Adam I guess it's a chewable form.

18:33 Drew Basically they're not going to issue something that's a hormonal contraceptive, unless it approaches 100% of effectiveness. But I don't know much about this. I will look it up during the break.

18:44 Adam This isn't a hormone base. You just have to chew. No. You have to chew enough of it to wrap it around the guy's penis so that no semen can escape.

18:52 Drew So it's like a condom that you create by chewing.

18:56 Adam It's a chewable condom, essentially. You create it and then you spread it over the guy's gums.

19:00 Drew Or a plug.

19:01 Adam Or a plug.

19:01 Guest Or when there's a leak in the boat or whatever.

19:03 Adam Yeah, that's right.

19:04 Drew It's a plug for the vagina or for the tip of the penis.

19:06 Adam It's an epoxy-based product.

19:08 Guest Depends on how much gum you chew, really.

19:09 Adam You chew a resin piece and then once you take the catalyst piece and you chew them together, you have about 15 seconds to fork it up.

19:16 Guest Just don't touch the steering wheel.

19:19 Drew Because your wallet will be down.

19:21 Adam All right, so Drew's not heard of it. He'll look it up. And we'll not get back to you.

19:27 Drew No, we'll talk about it in the air.

19:28 Okay, thank you, guys.

19:29 Adam All right, call them from North Hollywood.

19:30 Yeah.

19:31 Adam That's my hometown.

19:33 I know, you went to North Hollywood High School. I got a poly. Uh-oh.

19:37 Adam You know...

19:37 We talked about this last time, remember?

19:39 Adam Poly is such a dump.

19:41 Yeah, I know it is.

19:42 Adam The people at North Hollywood laugh at poly, and you know what? You know what their mascot is?

19:47 It's interesting about it.

19:48 Adam It's a parrot.

19:49 Guest Oh, good poly parrots?

19:50 Adam Yeah, which is sort of like, all right, we're poly and maybe we should have parrot, but it doesn't seem too imposing, and by the way, because we used to play poly and I used to see their mascot on the side of the football helmet and stuff, it doesn't work for me when you take a pussy mascot and try to buff him up. Like, they have a mean parrot, they have a parrot on roids, you know, no, no, that's a parrot. Parrot can't have biceps and heaving pecs. You just pick, you got to pick a manly mascot and go with it, or if you're stupid enough to pick a pussy mascot, then it's just got to be a parrot. You can't have, yeah, you can't have Schwarzenegger parrot. That's no fair. He's like smoking a cigar, he's got big muscles, he's got a scar and a patch on his eye. No, no. Drew, I know this upsets you.

20:37 Drew Why?

20:37 Adam Because you went to, your school was the Lord Jeffs.

20:42 Drew Oh, yes.

20:42 Adam He went to Amherst.

20:44 Drew He went to Tufts.

20:45 Adam Tufts. What do they have?

20:48 Guest No, elephant. Jumbos.

20:50 Drew See, they used to be, don't worry about mascot.

20:52 Guest He used to be stuffed, actually, in a hall and then burned down.

20:57 Adam That's got to be a rough gig, that mascot gig. You have to keep your identity, you can't be talking to people about who you are and stuff like that. You have to be secretive, you know? People can't know you're Lord Jeff. Really?

21:10 Drew Is that the mantra?

21:13 Adam What do you have, Drew? Did your guy wear like buckled shoes and a powdered wig or something? It wasn't even worth it, huh?

21:21 Drew It's embarrassing enough just having that as the mascot.

21:23 Adam And you know, the Indians are mad about, you know, like the Seminoles and then the Braves and stuff like that. We're a faggity guys named Jeff upset that you guys had the Lord Jeff as the mascot.

21:37 Drew No, but interestingly, Indians are upset about Lord Jeff because what he did was he over here and introduced germ warfare into the Indian population.

21:44 Adam It's great.

21:45 Guest Yeah.

21:45 Drew We gave them, sold them smallpox infected blankets.

21:48 Adam Yeah, that's a good name.

21:49 Guest Oh, that's sweet. And then made a high school where she decided to have the mascot.

21:54 Drew No, my college.

21:54 Guest Oh, college. That's totally.

21:56 Adam Even worse, right? Hey, this guy killed off most of the indigenous population of our land. Let's name a school after him and make him a mascot. Fantastic. All right. Let's take one more.

22:06 Drew In the French and Indian War, that was a big deal.

22:08 Adam One more question. Cheryl?

22:11 Hi, all.

22:13 Adam You're 25. What's up?

22:16 First, I just have to say Dr. Drew, you do great work. You're awesome.

22:20 Drew Thanks, Cheryl.

22:21 And Adam, my boyfriend, just loves Crank Anchors.

22:24 Adam Oh, thank you. That's on, what night is it? Tuesday?

22:28 Drew Tomorrow. Tuesday?

22:30 Adam Tuesday night. It's 10 o'clock. That's right. Comedy Central. Just forget to mention that. What's up?

22:35 I have a very strange question. I'm kind of embarrassed to ask, but I also really need to know.

22:41 Drew We should take a break.

22:43 Adam Really?

22:43 Drew We'll get back to this. Yeah.

22:46 Adam Yeah. And hang on. That's a good place to stop. That's good radio, Drew. That's what we call a tease. Yes? And Drew has to take a leak.

22:52 Drew No, no. I want to look up the gun plug.

22:56 Adam You want to look up the gun plug? All right. Peter Gallagher, Adam Brody here tonight from the OC. Wednesday Nights. Big hit on Fox. Nine o'clock. We'll take ourselves a quick break and we'll get back with Cheryl after this.

23:09 Hello. The one and only Live on O5.

23:30 Adam There, buddy, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLVE191. And he's here tonight. Peter Gallagher's here tonight from the OC. That is Fox, Wednesday nights, nine o'clock. Pink is in here tomorrow night. And then Kathy Griffin and Rob Schneider and Blink 182 and Ron Livingston and all sorts. And then Tori Amos just got confirmed too. She, I like her. She's into the fairies.

23:58 These are those gold dust moments.

24:01 Adam She's into those gold dust moments.

24:03 Caller I believe.

24:05 Adam In what? Oh, she just believes. All right, so she'll be in here.

24:09 Caller I believe.

24:10 Adam And let me tell you something. Junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, gonna mess herself. Junior producer, Lauren, who only works here because Tori Amos comes through every 37 months. I don't think she's, she's certainly not here to get me coffee.

24:27 Drew Or to work for you in any way.

24:28 Adam Or to work for me in any capacity. She's here on the off chance that Tori Amos may come by. Is about to just soil herself. So she'll be ready for Tori when she shows up sometime early December.

24:41 Drew So now we were talking to Cheryl.

24:42 Adam Yeah.

24:43 Drew She has something embarrassing to ask. Cheryl, go ahead Cheryl.

24:46 Adam You're 25.

24:47 Caller Okay, just a little background on my question. My boyfriend and I were talking and I had noticed that when I would go in the restroom, the toilet paper had been moved to the other side of the sink. And so I had asked him to place it where I could reach it. And he wanted to know why I couldn't reach it when I stood up to wipe. And so this, we started talking about it.

25:14 Drew Antics ensued.

25:15 Caller And I thought that was strange. He thinks I'm strange, that I don't stand up.

25:22 Drew So we think he's strange.

25:24 Adam Well, yeah. Now girls will stand up and do a number one wipe. Right?

25:30 Drew But even that's rare.

25:32 Adam It is rare. Okay. But a number two wipe is...

25:36 Drew Missing the point.

25:37 Adam Right. He stands up to wipe. Doesn't it just create a cheek Rorschach deep?

25:45 Drew Yeah. Oh, gentlemen. And in Adam's situation, it's a disaster. It's like taking some carpet and rolling it up.

25:52 Adam That's just yeah, that's not going to work. Why doesn't I can't get my cheek spread wide enough? I would like a toilet seat that actually looks. Yeah.

26:03 We have a crambling spreaders.

26:05 Adam As I the hook, grab the cheek about four inches from the lid and from the seat. As the ass got closer to the water, it eventually you just flayed. It just actually the cheeks came around and hit you in the hip. Your lower intestines fell out into the toilet. That's how I would like. Yeah. That doesn't seem right, Cheryl.

26:27 Drew Again, think about Adam. What would he do? How could that? I mean, this Adam, Adam Carolla, it boggles the mind. It's like if you're dog pooed and you just clean it up by folding the carpet in half.

26:39 Adam Yeah.

26:40 Drew And then dump it into his ass.

26:42 Adam Thank you, Drew. Thanks for that picture. Cheryl.

26:46 Guest It just looks funny if you walk in on that.

26:48 Adam Yeah. Guy standing up.

26:49 Drew Yeah.

26:50 Adam Now, once in a while, you do have to do the stand up wipe, like when you're camping or something like that, in which case, you got to do the spread and wipe. You got to grab a handful of cheek. And or for me, I'll use like a scissor jack. If I'm traveling, I'll take my car's scissor jack and put it back there and just actually crank the ass open and then wipe it down. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So Cheryl, this guy's not a keeper. That's what we call a deal breaker, right? It doesn't sound like much, but and then you guys are going to have kids who wipe standing up. You have a whole.

27:25 Guest Is he going to potty train? Yeah.

27:26 Guest It could be a two-role family, though.

27:28 Adam Yeah.

27:29 Drew Oh, there you go. Peter's very, very. Yes.

27:31 Adam Let's be honest. Let me ask. Let me go around the table. When out of toilet paper, have you ever tried to use what was left of the role to sort of get yourself in the best condition you could before you could mobilize yourself?

27:48 Drew Of course.

27:49 Adam Yes. Peter?

27:50 Guest You mean not the cardboard part?

27:52 Adam Yeah, the cardboard.

27:53 Drew Oh, the cardboard.

27:54 Guest I'll see now. I've never.

27:55 Drew You just go with me.

27:56 Adam Me neither.

27:56 Guest That's weird.

27:58 Guest I generally put an eye on the supplies before.

28:02 Drew You can find something.

28:03 Guest Yeah. If I'm out, I'll do like the animal four-legged crawl, go find something.

28:09 Adam Never use the.

28:11 Drew I know where he is.

28:18 Adam Here's how you know you're lazy, by the way. Once in a while, you walk into the bathroom, you see there's nothing left on the roll and still drop it on the pot. And that to me is that that means you lack foresight. Right?

28:31 Guest Either that, you're a gambling man.

28:35 Adam You're willing to roll the crap down.

28:37 Guest You're feeling lucky. You're feeling like.

28:38 Drew Someone's going to drop some toilet paper. This is going to be.

28:40 Adam This is going to be the skylight. What Peter is saying is one out of every 13 or so.

28:47 Guest Exactly, man.

28:49 Guest Lets you off scot-free.

28:51 Adam Like there's that one time when you wipe yourself, you look at the paper and it's like, this isn't better condition than when I pulled out the roll.

29:00 Guest This should go back on.

29:01 Adam This is going.

29:02 Guest Should.

29:03 Adam This is going back on. Honey, get my sewing kit. I got to re-perforate this. And once in a while you get that one and then once in a while you get the one that I'm on my eighth wipe. It's worse than the first. My limit is nine and then I walk. That's it. I can't sit here wiping all day. It's like a mechanical pencil. Like each time you wipe, God takes another half turn with the mechanical pencil, feeds a little more lead out and eventually you just have to pick it up. You got your day. You got to go about your day.

29:36 Guest I don't quit. I finish.

29:37 Adam You don't? No, you don't.

29:38 Guest Yeah.

29:38 Adam See, my thing is like...

29:40 Drew I don't actually have to take a sheer out. You have to cut... I'd have to cut your way out. Please.

29:44 Guest I've probably got up into the 20s.

29:46 Adam Really?

29:48 Guest I can't sit down, but I'm clean.

29:49 Adam I guess... How old are you, Adam? Because I may have had that when I was your age. 23.

29:53 Guest Yeah, you stopped carrying around.

29:54 Adam You got the eye of the tiger. You're hungry.

29:56 Guest Still want to live?

29:58 Adam Yeah. You're on the street. You live the life. You know? And you're my age. You take half a wipe with the sleeve of your cardigan and it's back into the beige Taurus.

30:09 Guest You got a lot to look forward to.

30:11 Adam Brandon?

30:12 Yes.

30:13 Adam You're 30?

30:14 Caller Yes.

30:14 Adam What's up?

30:16 Caller I think I might be able to help Drew out a little bit on that caller earlier about the birth control chewing gum.

30:22 Drew Yeah, I looked it up on the web. There was nothing. The only thing referencing gum was basically an acronym for a sexually related health. There's a chewable tablet, that's all.

30:42 Caller A chewable tablet, right. I guess experiment-flavoured.

30:45 Drew Okay, that's what you're talking about.

30:46 Caller That's probably what she meant.

30:47 Adam You can't swallow. You shouldn't be on the pill.

30:50 Caller That's what I'm saying. They're not very big anyway.

30:53 Drew Right.

30:53 Adam Peter knows what I'm saying. You see that chewable birth control pill on the nightstand. You keep moving.

30:59 Drew That's a deal breaker. Can you get emergency contraception in Arizona without a prescription or without?

31:04 Caller I do hospital pharmacies, so I'm not real familiar with the retail laws and things like that.

31:11 Adam Brandon, can you give me some Quaaludes? I've been dying to try a Quaaludes.

31:15 Drew You've got to help me out, Brandon. You've got to get this guy off my back.

31:18 Adam I've been wanting to try. Quaaludes is described like, well, it's a pill and it's like drinking a six pack of just one pill. That sounds alluring to me.

31:27 Guest Does the same deal as Xanax?

31:29 Caller Adam, you won't come to Phoenix though, will you?

31:31 Adam I'll come to Phoenix. When it gets under 170, I'll come to town. Please. And you know how you know, Brandon, see, they speak English to pharmacists in other states, not out here. You guys ever had a pharmacist in Southern California that spoke in English? You get these guys with these crazy nationalities. Yeah, it's a weird, I don't know what it is about the Los Angeles area and pharmacists, but it's never somebody who speaks clear English and it's not a European accent. It's weird. It's, it's, maybe it's got a little tiny, a little Filipino mixed into it. It's an Asian thing, but it's not your straight Japanese thing either. I don't know what it is. Drew, what are the pharmacists?

32:16 Drew I don't know, but I get very frightened when I'm giving prescriptions to people who clearly don't understand what I'm saying.

32:20 Right.

32:21 Drew It's very, you know, it's a very frightening.

32:23 Right.

32:24 Adam Right.

32:25 Drew And I'm responsible for it. Of course. He said, you have quail. He said quail.

32:31 Caller You have herpy around the eye.

32:33 Adam Yeah. I mean, what?

32:34 Guest Who does this?

32:35 Adam Shouldn't you be able to speak some English? No.

32:39 Guest You're so miserable places, though. It's like the DMV, the pharmacies.

32:42 Adam Yeah.

32:45 Guest Nothing goes right.

32:46 Guest Because you don't really know what they're hearing. They might be hearing you clear as a bell.

32:49 Adam They might.

32:51 Guest But you don't have that reassurance.

32:52 Adam Yeah.

32:53 Drew They repeat it back to me and they are not hearing it. They have to sit and go, no, no, and spell it out, no, okay, and then do it again. Now you tell me, what did you hear?

33:02 Guest But I like the commercials that have the two, like if they mix two, like on their high tech computer or if you mix two wrong chemicals, they'll explode or whatever and it totally is fail proof.

33:13 Adam Well, the commercials are great because he had the kindly old gent with the salt and pepper hair who's coming in, hi, knows you by your first name, hey, Adam, what can I do you? But in reality, you get the angry Johnny Quest villain over there who's still angry about Vietnam or Korea or whatever's going on and he's screaming at you in some weird tongue.

33:36 Guest Well, he has to travel 10,000 miles to get a job.

33:38 Drew They're also usually not men.

33:40 Adam Yeah, yes, yeah, what is that? Yeah, the only further from reality character was Murph from the old 76 commercials. Remember that guy? Red haired guy come running out to the car, hey, it's Murph from Union 76. What can I do you for? You got to check the fluids? When really you get the al-Qaeda members angry at you because you woke them up because you tapped on the bulletproof glass. It's great living here in Los Angeles.

34:12 Guest Peter, why don't you move out here full time?

34:15 Adam You should move out here full time.

34:16 Drew You need to be in the OC because it's different there.

34:18 Adam The OC is a different place. It is, but it's dangerous. I know, why?

34:23 Drew Because you never want to leave. Oh, I see what happened to these kids.

34:27 Adam Don't you know how they do it in the OC?

34:29 Drew That's right. I see that show all the time.

34:32 Adam Let me tell you something. A lot of guys go out there to surf the OC a lot of locals see the vows coming in, and there's trouble. Oh, yes.

34:41 Drew I grew up in the OC. There was a tourist that gave us some pain. Those were vows. The tourist.

34:46 Adam Guys like Adam would come in there with their white socks and cut off jeans. And they'd be like, I'm going to go to the OC and I'm going to go to the OC and I'm going to go to the OC and I'm going to go to the OC and I'm going to go to the OC and I'm going to go to the OC and don't want to take another German or Florida just yet. Let's just take a, let's take an alcohol. Chad? Yes.

35:07 Drew That's a Germany, Florida.

35:08 Adam Yeah. Hang on a second. We're going to take you a second. We're going to talk to Danielle. Danielle?

35:15 Yeah.

35:16 Adam You're 15?

35:17 Caller Yeah.

35:17 Adam You're not sure if you're a lesbian?

35:19 Caller I'm not sure. Like, sometimes I feel attracted to men, but then I feel attracted to women, so I'm not sure.

35:25 Drew Attracted to, but have you been physical, have you had sexual relationships?

35:28 Caller I have been to both.

35:30 Drew So you're not a virgin? And you're 15. You're not a virgin. You're 15. You've been with both men and women, boys and girls in your case. True.

35:39 Adam What's with the horrible phone line? What's with the floor? What do you got? Are you talking into it? You have a landline there? Are you on a cell phone?

35:52 Caller I don't think my phone's working good, but.

35:57 Adam Can you stand closer to the home, to the base unit or something?

36:04 Guest Did you enjoy both experiences?

36:06 Caller Um, yeah. Like when I, when I got with the girl.

36:10 Drew Hang on a second, Danielle. This is a good betting. This, this is a good bet. Yeah.

36:14 Guest I'm going to gamble on this.

36:19 Adam Hang on, Danielle. We haven't gambled in a long time on this show.

36:24 Guest Oh, the history.

36:25 Drew Yeah.

36:26 Adam That's right. Adam, can you front me?

36:27 Guest I need a buck.

36:29 I'm a little light.

36:31 Adam You guys got a buck on you? Here's, we'll go to break before we set our actual bet. We'll place our bets, but here's how it goes. Here's how it goes. Danielle has been with a man.

36:45 Drew I'll cover Adam.

36:45 Adam I'll cover Adam. Been with a woman, has got some chaos and some confusion in her life. What was her history? Broken family? Alcoholism? Sexual abuse? Physical abuse?

36:56 Guest All those all kind of go hand in hand, though. I mean.

36:58 Adam Yeah. Good point.

37:00 Guest You'll explain to me how to categorize it over.

37:01 Adam We'll dial it in. It'll get specific. And another decent bet is nothing.

37:06 Drew No, not in this case.

37:07 Adam Yeah, I know. But she may not admit it. And then you collect. No.

37:12 Drew You're right. The point is to win the bet.

37:14 Adam Right. Adam Brody's here tonight. Peter Gallagher here tonight from the OC. Fox Wednesday nights, nine o'clock. We'll be back to gamble on Danielle's past. After this.

37:25 Guest Loveline.

37:38 Adam I'm Adam Lens, Dr. Drew, Pink in here tomorrow night. Tonight, Peter Gallagher, Adam Brody from the OC. Wednesday nights, nine o'clock on Fox.

37:48 Guest Pink's really made a name for herself. I remember when she first came out, I was like, I get it, pink hair, she's pink, great, one song and we'll see ya. But she's been out for like five years now.

37:56 Adam And she took, came out of the Gates strong, don't tell her I said this, Drew, if you want to. Came out of the Gates strong, then sort of took a little dip for a little while, sort of was off the radar and then pow, the last four, six months or so has just been everywhere. And I saw her perform at the American Music Awards and was really, she's got some pipes. Yeah, she sounded good, just a little acoustic thing. She's got a good voice. All right, so she's in here tomorrow night. Now Danielle, we're gonna gamble on. Danielle is 15, she's been with men, been with women, and she's from Riverside. So you know there's trouble. That's trouble right there. That's, I don't even know if they consider sexual abuse. I don't know if they count that in Riverside.

38:46 Drew By the way, speaking of the crazy names for cities in Southern California, what are they thinking of Riverside in a desert?

38:54 Adam Several million years ago, it's hypothesized. Is they found some fossils from the riverbed side. Yeah, it's been tried for several million years.

39:04 Guest They're optimistic.

39:05 Adam Yeah, it'll be back. It'll be back. Danielle?

39:08 Caller Yeah.

39:08 Adam All right, your phone sounds marginally better.

39:11 Caller All right.

39:12 Adam So you've been with how many men and how many women, do you know?

39:15 Caller I'm not sure, but I know what I've done with men and I know what I've done with women.

39:21 Drew Whatever that means.

39:22 Caller Yeah.

39:23 Adam So you're aware of what you were doing with them?

39:25 Caller Yeah.

39:25 Adam Like- You know what base you've gotten to?

39:29 Caller Yeah.

39:30 Adam All right. Are you a virgin?

39:33 Caller No.

39:34 Adam No.

39:35 Caller No.

39:35 Adam Okay. Hold on a second. All right. Let's start the gambling. Drew, you had a feeling. Yeah. Strong feeling. Yeah. Drew normally goes last, but he had a feeling.

39:45 Drew Do you want me to go first?

39:46 Adam Yeah, go first.

39:47 Drew I got strong, obviously family chaos. Well, it's Riverside. But I'm thinking drug addiction and the family. And as I'm listening here, I was thinking even, well, yeah, dad gone and then weird uncle. Weird uncle did something. Sexual abuse from a weird uncle? To somebody who's called uncle.

40:07 Adam Maybe she was crying uncle because he wouldn't get off.

40:09 Drew Not necessarily overt abuse, but somebody just sort of weirded her out. But definitely.

40:16 Adam Way too vague.

40:16 Drew I'm gonna go specific. Big time drug abuse in the family. Dad took off. Weird uncle touched inappropriately.

40:23 Adam Touched inappropriately.

40:25 Drew It could be wrong. That's the feeling.

40:27 Adam Don't hedge. Peter, what do you think?

40:33 Guest Yeah, I think there's been some kind of inappropriate contact with a guy, older guy.

40:39 Adam Older guy.

40:39 Guest So there's a, you know, so I felt like a.

40:42 Adam First dibs on the calls. You gotta go. Yeah. You can go neighbor.

40:46 Guest I think maybe a grandfather.

40:51 Drew Well done.

40:51 Adam Well done, Peter. We'll keep our fingers crossed.

40:54 Guest Well, they both sound good to me. I mean, I definitely agree that there's some, some of the parents aren't together and there was some touching going on, but I feel like to be different. I want to go with, I mean, I want to go with maybe even like a step brother.

41:05 Adam Step brother.

41:06 Guest Good, good.

41:07 Drew Cheers, cheers.

41:07 Adam Cornucopia of potential abuse.

41:11 Guest But definitely lives with one parent, probably a mother and a step brother sort of thing.

41:14 Adam I am going to twist this kaleidoscope one more turn by saying female babysitter.

41:22 Drew No. Ooh, maybe.

41:24 Adam Maybe a little something, a little.

41:26 Guest That's left. You should get more money for that.

41:28 Adam Because that's. Tougher bet.

41:29 Guest That's Seabiscuit.

41:30 Adam Yeah, it is. It is because my horse is going off 22 to one.

41:35 Drew Yeah.

41:36 Adam Where it's worth us even money, yeah.

41:37 Drew Throw in a little addiction somewhere in there.

41:39 Guest You're like, you just go the plot line from Taboo 2.

41:41 Adam I'm going to throw in, I'm going to throw in Dad Died.

41:46 Drew Here's the thing about Danielle. I bet she's not an addict. She didn't get the gene. All right. I think it's fine now.

41:52 Adam Danielle?

41:53 Drew Yeah.

41:54 Adam All right. So let's break it down here. Your parents, are they still together? Oh, oh. But that's your biological father who's in the bedroom right now? Yeah. You sure? Okay. So no step dads.

42:12 Caller Well, I think my mom has a boyfriend. I'm not sure. And I, you know.

42:18 Adam Why would your mom have a boyfriend if she's still married to your dad?

42:22 Caller Well, let's just say that he's not home all the time. So my mom just like, it's like, she has like, I think occasionally she brings men over.

42:32 Adam Your dad drives a truck?

42:35 Caller Yeah, like he's not home a lot.

42:37 Adam Does he drive a truck?

42:39 Caller Yes.

42:40 Adam Okay.

42:40 Guest Not, I mean, for a job, not like just to get to work.

42:44 Adam He drives a truck for a living. Never, never exciting that I can guess her. I mean, he said he wasn't home, but doesn't mean he's a truck driver. Not impressive to you at all that he said he's a truck driver?

42:59 Caller Peter liked it.

42:59 Adam Okay, all right, you're blown away.

43:00 Guest Yeah, Peter's blown away.

43:01 Caller Okay.

43:02 Caller Keep going.

43:03 Guest That's easy.

43:05 Drew So parents are separated.

43:06 Caller Parent?

43:06 Drew In a way.

43:07 Caller They're separated.

43:08 Adam They're still married. You're dad, when he comes home from a long haul, he comes into your house, right? He sleeps at your house.

43:14 Caller Right, but they don't sleep together, you know, like separate rooms.

43:18 Adam Separate rooms?

43:20 Drew Who's doing drugs there?

43:22 Caller No, I think my brother is, but I'm not even sure.

43:25 Adam Well, dad drives a truck, so he's probably doing a little.

43:28 Drew He lives at Riverside.

43:32 Adam Riverside is one of the few places you can be arrested for not having drugs on you.

43:36 Drew For not doing speed if you're driving a truck.

43:38 Adam Just if they pull you out of a car and they find no drugs on you, you will be brought in.

43:42 Caller Absolutely. I feel pressure from my mom because I think she knows that I like women and I feel attracted to them.

43:49 Drew All right, so we still, we got the kind of chaos.

43:51 Adam Dad's driving a reg, he's out. It's a weird situation. How long have your parents been in separate rooms?

44:01 Drew Okay, brother's doing drugs.

44:04 Adam Brother's doing drugs.

44:05 Drew Nobody's drinking in your house, big time?

44:08 Caller I don't think so, just no.

44:13 Adam Drew can't, doesn't want to give up the buck.

44:16 Drew Nobody smokes a lot of pot?

44:17 Caller My brother does, yeah.

44:19 Drew So your brother, but if the brother's doing a lot of drugs in pot, he's gotta get the gene from somewhere.

44:22 Adam How old's the brother?

44:23 Drew Well, pot's, if he's addicted, though.

44:27 Caller He's 17.

44:27 Adam Peter's stoned now, don't freak him out. He's 17. All right, so, oh, Drew can tell, oh, he knows. He knows, and we know what goes on in the OC. So, you lost your virginity, how old were you? 13, how old was the guy?

44:45 Caller The guy, he was 21.

44:47 Adam 21, all right, that's him right there.

44:50 Drew The older guy thing that Peter was talking about.

44:52 Guest Who was the guy that wasn't one of your mom's boyfriends or anything, was it?

44:55 Caller Well, actually, it was, that's what I mean. Like, she always had these boyfriends that she's always trying to get me.

44:59 Adam With Drew? Wait, who went, Drew went with the-

45:01 Drew I was saying weird guy hanging around the family.

45:03 Guest Yeah, that's pretty good.

45:04 Adam I recall it a little vague, but-

45:06 Drew But I bet there was a guy before that.

45:08 Adam That was, so it was sort of one of mom's boyfriend guys had sex with you when you were 13. He was 21.

45:16 Drew How about before that?

45:18 Caller Before that, no, it was more just like, you know, head, it wasn't as much.

45:23 Adam With who, though?

45:24 Caller It was one of, it was actually one of my friends before. It wasn't one of the boyfriends.

45:29 Drew But did you have adult males doing weird sexual stuff to you when you were a little girl?

45:34 Caller No, not when I was little. It was more when I got, you know, cause I have big boobs, so I don't know. I just, men are just like attracted to me, older men.

45:46 Adam Well, I'll tell you who's attracted to you. The scumbags your creepy mom brings home.

45:51 Caller Right.

45:51 Adam That's not all men. I'm gonna stare at this chick's boobs. Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

45:57 Drew All right, so let's sum it up.

45:58 Adam All right, so any, when was your first female contact?

46:02 Caller When I was like, when I was 13.

46:05 Adam Who?

46:05 Drew Who was that?

46:06 Caller It was one of my friends.

46:08 Adam All right, so no weird babysitter, sex, right? No grandfather?

46:15 Caller No.

46:17 Adam Where's your grandfather, you don't know?

46:18 Caller No, I don't know.

46:19 Drew Was your mom sexually abused?

46:21 Caller I don't think so, she never said anything.

46:23 Adam Hold on, I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Riverside, creepy parents, trucker dad, Jewish family. These are Jews, I know Jews, this I gotta be right on. Danielle? Of the Jewish faith, yes? Yeah.

46:41 Drew Yeah, if you say so.

46:42 Adam Hanukkah, right? You guys celebrate Hanukkah's coming up, right?

46:45 Caller All right, yeah.

46:47 Guest Wait, no, I don't know if that's clear. Wait, were you raised Christian or Jewish?

46:52 Caller I don't know, like, I'm not sure, like, I know I have to, like, Jewish came through my family, but I'm not really.

46:58 Adam No, no, someone tried to sell the insurance who was Jewish once, but that was it.

47:02 Drew You're Mormon?

47:02 Adam That's as close as the Jews got to the family.

47:04 Guest Yeah.

47:05 Drew Yeah, all right, look, but this impulse to have sex with men and women, impulse for you to have sex with anybody right now is really from an unhealthy place. I'm sure you feel attracted to all kinds of people, but the attraction that you feel is from a source of trauma, all these things. You were sexually abused at 13 by an adult. All right, we got to break.

47:26 Adam All right, well, we'll launch into the rest of this. We'll be right back.

47:30 Here it is.

47:30 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:33 Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:35 Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

48:08 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Adam Brody here tonight, Peter Gallagher here tonight, both from the OC on Fox. Nine o'clock, they're gonna hang out with us for this one last break, and they're nice enough to do that because they were just gonna stay for the first hour, but we got too caught up in Danielle. We couldn't say proper goodbyes to the boys.

48:31 Drew Right, and nor did we finish with Danielle, which was, again, this is a horrible choice as a young person, getting yourself involved in very chaotic relationships, sexual identity confusion, and needs help. I mean, she really does. The basic advice we would give you is cool down, stop having relations with anybody for a couple years. Thank God she doesn't, fairly clear doesn't have the gene for addiction.

48:53 Adam But what do you do when you're from where Danielle's from, you have big boobs in the fellas like you?

49:00 Drew And you have low self-esteem, and the only thing you want is their validation.

49:03 Adam And daddy's sleeping on a army cot on the service porch after he pulls the rig in every four months. I mean, you just, you should find Jesus Christ. Should you, should you just get immersed in softball? I mean, you just, you gotta, Danielle, people like Danielle have to get involved with stuff at school and just stay with it. And Drew, a new twist on you punching the mic. Yeah, Drew whacked it with his glasses this time. He usually doesn't use a tool. He's like primitive man. Now he's, now he's entered a new age where he's actually using tools against his foe. What, the deuce? The microphone, yes. All right, so Danielle, please. Okay, don't get pregnant. That's what you need not to do. Okay, let's move forward. We got a question for Adam Brody here. Tanya? 21? What's up?

50:00 I have a question for Adam.

50:02 Caller I was wondering, I read somewhere that you ad-lib a lot of your lines as Seth, and I was just wondering if, how much of you is actually infused into the character of Seth now as opposed to the beginning of the series?

50:17 Guest He's a lot more like me now, but more, less from me throwing lines in than Josh the kid of the show. He's become a good friend of all the cast, and he knows us really well, so he writes, everyone I think has become more like their characters.

50:32 Drew Did he grow up in the OC?

50:34 Guest No, he's just from Providence. He went to USC, I guess there's a lot of new importance there. He's only 27, and he was kind of on the show. I guess he was the youngest kid I've ever had in a drama. But anyways, he knows us really well, so he ends up writing a lot of the stuff we say just naturally. It's kind of like the Easter egg hunt, you'll flip through the script, and you'll just see things that you didn't know he was gonna, you weren't even talking about characters, you were talking about music or something, and he just threw it in the script. That's great, everyone, that happens to everyone.

51:01 Adam Is he write every episode?

51:03 Guest He either writes, I mean he's executive producer slash writer, so I mean he has a hand, he sometimes, there's a team of writers, but he's always in the hand.

51:11 Guest Sometimes he writes an episode from beginning to end, and he has his hand in I think every episode.

51:16 Adam Oh, I hate guys like that. Hi, Tonya. You're cool, right? You watch that OC tomorrow night. Thanks, Tonya. 9 o'clock, Fox. All right.

51:30 Drew Depends where you're listening to us. If you're hearing us east, it's tonight.

51:34 Adam Yeah, on a day delay, right? Except for it's after the show.

51:37 Drew Except you're right.

51:38 Adam Thank you.

51:39 Drew Next week.

51:41 Adam You catch it next week. Michael? You're 20?

51:46 Caller Correct.

51:47 Adam What's happening?

51:50 Caller Actually, I got a question for Dr. Drew. When I was seven years old, I had a brain tumor. So I'm kind of disabled.

52:03 Adam How are you disabled?

52:05 Caller I'm legally blind and legally deaf. And you can probably tell by my voice too, you know.

52:16 Drew You hear seemingly fairly well, right?

52:18 Caller Yes. I was diagnosed in March 1st of 91. So it's been a remission for 13 years.

52:27 Adam How do you get to be legally deaf? Cause I'd like to go for that. Do you do, what's the test like? I mean, we're conversing over the telephone. You seem fine.

52:38 Caller Well, see, I can't hear anything out of my left ear. And I'm talking to you with my right ear.

52:44 Drew Okay, all right, so he's deaf in his left ear.

52:45 Adam Okay, deaf in your left ear. And legally blind pretty much means you can see stuff, but like you can't get your driver's license?

52:53 Caller No, I have, it just barely, my site just barely where they won't let me get my license.

53:00 Drew What kind of tumor did you have? What kind of tumor did you have?

53:04 Caller Called with a medulloblastoma brain tumor.

53:08 Drew Medullobastoma, okay. Those are in the cerebellum usually, right? So Adam picked up my mic-sogging hands.

53:14 Adam Yeah, a lot of blame, yeah, your bad influence on the kids. These OC kids especially, they're very impressionable.

53:20 Drew Was it in the back part of your brain?

53:22 Caller Yes, it was on my optic nerve.

53:23 Adam Drew, are you a real doctor or just a love doctor? All right, so they took it out. Yeah?

53:31 Caller Correct.

53:32 Adam Right, and because of the tumor, you have the problem with the seeing and the hearing.

53:37 Caller Right.

53:38 Drew They hit the optic nerve when they took it out.

53:40 Caller But that wasn't my question.

53:41 Adam All right, but what other problems do you have?

53:46 Caller Nothing really.

53:47 Drew Did you have radiation also?

53:55 Caller The doctors have been saying, I haven't been tested yet, but the doctor's been saying I might not be able to have kids because of all the chemotherapy and radiation. So, and I was wondering, the radiation staunched my growth. Stopped my spines from growing when I was seven. So I was wondering if that had anything to do with the reason why I have a small penis.

54:21 Drew Yeah, it sounds like everything kind of stunted at that point. Did you ever see an endocrinologist?

54:27 Caller No, I haven't.

54:28 Drew Make sure the pituitary is functioning normally because that's sort of the main gland in your body that drives the rest of them.

54:34 Adam Well, how big are you?

54:36 Caller I had a growth hormone shot for three years.

54:40 Drew Good, I wonder.

54:40 Caller And I'd go in all the time and they'd check that.

54:43 Drew Was that the neurosurgeons did that or do the endocrinologists do that?

54:47 Caller Endocrinologists.

54:48 Drew Okay, so it must.

54:50 Caller But they never told me if I could have a kid or anything like that.

54:56 Adam Well, how big are you in stature? Not your penis size, but we'll get to that.

55:02 Caller I'd say about four hard.

55:04 Drew Four feet?

55:05 Adam No, four hard.

55:06 Drew Four, you know, he's back to the penis.

55:08 Adam Yeah, he went to, yeah, I begged you to stay away from the penis, but you couldn't help it. You went right to the underpants. All right, so you're four hard.

55:15 Drew That's why chromosome is functioning just fine.

55:17 Adam That, yeah, so you get a good erection.

55:19 Caller Sorry?

55:21 Adam I could do damage with four. To me, it's a small blade, I still kill a man. I mean a woman. Well, you know what I'm saying.

55:27 Drew Whatever.

55:28 Adam Yeah, you gotta hit the jugular. You can't hit the fatty tissue and I can't hit the butt cheek or anything like that. You gotta go right, you gotta pierce the ribs, get right in there.

55:36 Drew They call you the butcher.

55:37 Adam That's why I call myself the butcher, yeah. They call me the baker, the candlestick maker. So, Michael, how tall are you? Not your penis.

55:48 Caller Oh, how tall am I? I'm 5'2.

55:50 Drew 5'2, all right.

55:51 Adam 5'2, and how much do you weigh?

55:53 Caller 140.

55:55 Drew Do you have normal body hair distribution, that sort of thing?

55:57 Caller Sorry?

55:58 Drew Do you have normal body hair?

56:04 Caller It fell out because of the chemotherapy and all.

56:08 Adam Are you a virgin?

56:10 Drew Do you have orgasms, do you have semen come out? Okay.

56:17 Guest Oh, when you jack off.

56:18 Adam Okay, good. So it's not like your fountain. You just walk around like a rain bird all day, just spraying semen everywhere. Oh, thank Christ. Zach, that can be, that can slow you down.

56:29 Drew But that's good.

56:30 Adam That'll keep you in the house.

56:31 Drew So what you need is a sperm count to see if there's a potential for fertility. So you're making semen normally, you have sexual functioning and that will remain to be seen, I guess.

56:40 Adam Four inches at five two is, eh, about what you like to be.

56:44 Drew Yeah.

56:45 Adam I mean, you know, if you're looking at it this way, a guy who's six two is coming in at six inches.

56:50 Drew Less of a, more of a problem.

56:53 Adam Yeah?

56:53 Drew For me.

56:54 Adam You trying to make me feel bad? No, I mean, it's proportionately. You don't want some big elephant schvanz for a guy who's five two. That's gonna scare the ladies. There's, I think when a woman agrees to be with a smaller guy, that's part of the unspoken deal they have too. Like if she's gonna be with a guy who's small in stature, she's thinking, okay, this guy doesn't have a forearm between his legs.

57:19 Guest I think he didn't get out of jail free card with that.

57:22 Adam Hey, Michael. Here's what you gotta focus on. Performing oral sex. Not on yourself, but on the ladies. You get good at that. And all is forgiven. Okay, so focus on that. Don't talk to your doctors about that. That'll be our little secret.

57:41 Drew But bring this up with the doctors. It's totally appropriate for you to be talking about these issues with them. And now it's just fine.

57:46 Adam Yeah.

57:47 Drew So back to the endocrinologist and see what, get an assessment and see if there's anything further they need to do, which probably not. It sounds like things are functioning well.

57:53 Adam And what technology, the way it is these days, you'll be able to have kids one way or the other.

57:58 Drew There are certain chemo's that knock that out.

57:59 Adam But you know, what I'm saying is, is you find a woman, you're, you're in love. You want to start a family. There's some problem with your sperm count. You borrow a little from your brother, Dr. Drew, whatever you buy a little on the internet. It's all good. Okay, buddy.

58:15 Drew Are you working?

58:18 Adam All right. Anything you want to do?

58:28 Drew Are you meeting girls? Are you meeting women?

58:35 Adam Yeah, it is, but there's a certain breed of chick that'll go for that. And if you find that you're in great shape. You got to find one. Know what I mean? Get involved with some of those groups and do that stuff. And then just go to school and be a biologist. Animals don't judge. That's what I like about them. Except for certain lap dogs.

58:56 Drew Little ones.

58:56 Adam Yeah, little dogs. I think they judge.

58:58 Drew I think so too. They certainly behave like they're judgemental.

59:01 Adam Yeah, they do pass a lot of judgment. All right, so, hey, but good times, Michael. You'll be fine.

59:07 Drew Question for the guests. Oh yeah, question for the guests here.

59:09 Adam Let's see. Monique? You're 16? What's up?

59:16 Caller I have a question for Adam Brody.

59:18 Adam Here he is.

59:20 Caller Hello. Okay, first off, your show is great. There's not much great TV anymore. And it's a great show. I love it.

59:28 Guest Thanks, thanks for that.

59:30 Caller I was wondering what you think about playing somebody so much younger than you really are.

59:38 Guest Yeah, no, go on, sorry.

59:40 Caller Oh, I was just wondering like how much of it is your idea of what a 17 year old guy is and what the script is?

59:49 Guest I mean, you know, it's probably more the script. I mean, for the most part, I have to say, I end up playing him kind of, I'm 23 and I end up playing him more like me, but you know, in high school, I play him a little bit more, a little bit smarter and a little bit more literate than I actually was at 17. But I just think that's for the benefit of all the viewers.

1:00:06 Adam All people who are young on TV are like playing older.

1:00:11 Guest Most, most. I mean, Nisha's on our show. She's Barton. She's playing 17. She is 17. But in general, and that has to do more with, I mean, I think the working laws. And you know, if you're under 18, they can't work you quite as long.

1:00:24 Adam I'm just saying, like, if you turn on a TV show, there'll be some 15 year old guy who'll like pull a switch blade on another kid and go like, man, I don't even know you anymore. And it's like, when you're really 15, you're like, huh, right.

1:00:39 Guest Right, right, no, exactly, exactly, which is why I think it works fine. I do feel, to answer your question though, I do feel sometimes I don't mind and then sometimes I just feel ridiculous. Like when we're, sometimes we'll go to a location to a real school and I strap on a backpack and I'm like lowering at these short drinking fountains and I just feel ridiculous. But other times when I'm walking around the house and I don't even, it's fine.

1:01:02 Adam Listen, when that check shows up, you don't feel so bad anymore, yes? Hey, Monique. Yeah? All right, you just keep watching the show.

1:01:13 Guest Thanks.

1:01:13 Guest Bye.

1:01:15 Adam And Peter, what's it like for you as an actor to play a guy exactly your age? Is that difficult to stretch? Your character's exactly the same age you are?

1:01:25 Guest You know, I never even thought about that. Yeah, I guess he is exactly the same age.

1:01:31 Adam Do you know how old your character is? Is he older than you? Is he younger than you?

1:01:36 Guest Is he supposed to be six? No, I'm 48. He's probably about the same age. Yeah.

1:01:40 Adam Did they bother telling you how old your guy is?

1:01:42 Guest No, it's not really, it's...

1:01:44 Adam I'd wanna know.

1:01:45 Guest It's really not an issue. As long as I'm old enough to be a father of a 16 year old.

1:01:49 Guest 17, we changed it.

1:01:51 Guest 17.

1:01:51 Guest Yeah, clear with Josh.

1:01:52 Adam Tomorrow, you march in in demand to know how old you are.

1:01:56 Guest I will. I'm gonna put my foot down tomorrow.

1:01:58 Adam Put your foot down, it's important.

1:02:00 Guest You're 32.

1:02:01 Adam Let's talk to Jason. Jason, you're 26?

1:02:07 Caller I am.

1:02:08 Adam All right, do you play a 26 year old at work?

1:02:13 Caller Yeah, I do.

1:02:14 Drew Good, he tries to.

1:02:15 Caller Yeah, this is the deal. From the time I was about 19, I was in a relationship with a girl pretty much throughout my whole college experience. And I went ahead and we moved and we moved in together, et cetera, et cetera, everything was fine. Some problems happened. We ended up breaking up.

1:02:37 Drew What were the problems? What was the problem?

1:02:41 Caller Well, it was a communication problem. She kept on becoming really good friends with guys who I knew were madly in love with her. And I just, I couldn't handle it.

1:02:54 Drew So you became wildly jealous and sabotaged the relationship, got it?

1:02:59 Caller Why would she sabotage the relationship?

1:03:02 Adam Hold on, Drew, don't talk to the callers. Yeah, you're right. So I told you about that. Keep going, Jason.

1:03:07 Caller Well, I mean, are you saying that I was sabotaged in the relationship or she was?

1:03:12 Adam Well, Drew's saying you were because of your jealousy.

1:03:15 Caller Okay, well, this is the thing is if I know that another, and every, all of her friends, all of our friends, all of our mutual friends knew that she was being great friends with these guys who were madly in love with her. And she was the only one who neglected that. So, I mean, I was the one who was putting up with the fact that she was hanging out with guys who were really into her. So is that me or is that her?

1:03:38 Adam Well, is your girlfriend hot?

1:03:41 Caller Yeah.

1:03:42 Adam Yeah, hot chicks.

1:03:43 Caller Hot and Asian.

1:03:45 Adam Ooh, that's nice. That's hot and hairless. Yeah, that's like one of those specials.

1:03:52 Guest I guess it's a case by case basis.

1:03:54 Drew But you're saying for that woman, she can't have any friends because all the guys are going to be into her, so therefore she can't have any friends.

1:04:00 Adam Well, you know what?

1:04:01 Caller I mean, for the most part, yeah.

1:04:03 Right. Oh, well.

1:04:04 Adam Well, no, wait a minute, hold on. Put Jason on hold for a second. I think what Adam was going to pipe up and say is, she can have friends like, you know, guys she's known for a while and friends of the family and all kinds of stuff. But when she just meets some new dude at the office and she's hanging out with him, that new dude at the office is interested in her. I mean, if you have a very attractive 23 year old Asian woman is poking around the office and there's some new jack-off.

1:04:31 Guest I mean, just because, you know, in the parameters of the relationship, just legally you can, like I'm allowed to have friends and you are, you know, everything, you know, is a case by case basis and sometimes doesn't mean that it's not, you know, kind of inappropriate. I don't know. I mean, I've been on both sides of that.

1:04:46 Adam Jason? Yeah, I'm here. So now what's happening?

1:04:52 Caller Well, now, I mean, we've been broken up for a couple, year and a half or so, but we still have connections because we're still really great friends. And, and I'm finding it hard for me to date anybody because, you know, how am I going to explain to somebody? Yeah, I'm best friends with the girl I was with for, you know, six, seven years.

1:05:11 Adam Most actually do that.

1:05:12 Drew Yeah.

1:05:13 Adam He could do that.

1:05:14 Caller I can. I mean, what kind of girl is going to put up with me hanging out with a girl that doesn't think like you?

1:05:20 Adam I mean, Ooh, that was heavy.

1:05:22 Drew And in fact, women are much more likely to accept that kind of thing than a guy is.

1:05:26 Adam Yeah.

1:05:27 Drew Women understand that you're still going to be friends.

1:05:29 Adam At some point, they're going to like each other more than you. That's where it gets bad.

1:05:34 Caller You know, that's what I'm looking forward to, but it's just in my dreams.

1:05:37 Guest I wouldn't even worry. I mean, I wouldn't worry about that before you meet the girl, because the truth of the matter is this. If you meet the girl and you really are that crazy about her, and it might not even be a purposeful thing, but just subconsciously, you're gonna stop hanging out with your ex-girlfriend a little bit and start hanging out with this girl every day, and it won't be a problem, I don't think, if you like the girl enough.

1:05:53 Drew Jason, you're 26, you're behaving like a 17 to 19 year old.

1:05:59 Caller Yeah. You know what, that's exactly what I needed to say. Who said that? Which one of you guys said that? You know what, that's exactly what my little sister said. That's kind of funny.

1:06:10 Adam She's a labyrinth.

1:06:11 Drew But what is that?

1:06:12 Adam Jason, there's a certain sort of cocky insecurity you have that is gonna be tough in relationships.

1:06:19 Drew But why is it, why are you like that?

1:06:22 Caller What's the problem? You know what, I've got some weird, well, here we go. I've got some weird sexual insecurities. I've always loved women. I mean, since I was like five years old, I loved women. And well, yeah, but I-

1:06:37 Drew Curious about men?

1:06:39 Caller No, not curious. I have no interest in dealing with men on a sexual level. Okay, thanks for the little replay. But, you know, the idea sometimes kind of excites me, but I've never had, I've never like met a guy who I would think like, okay, I'd like to be with this guy.

1:07:00 Adam Well, way do you see this Peter Gallagher?

1:07:02 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:07:03 Adam I didn't think that way until about an hour and 20 minutes ago myself. And I know Drew is having the exact same thought.

1:07:08 Drew I gotta stand up.

1:07:09 Adam Drew's gotta stand up. I gotta dump some water down my pants. I never thought that way. That is a compliment, Peter. Please don't take this the wrong way. He's an attractive man. And I think as artists, both are sort of more flexible that way.

1:07:23 Guest Yeah, I've worked in the theater.

1:07:25 Adam Yeah. We'll blow a doobie out in the parking lot. It'll be cool. Don't worry about it. All right, so, hey, Jason, are you seeing anybody now that you're interested in?

1:07:36 Caller Well, hey, I keep on asking a couple of girls out. It doesn't turn out quite the way I want to, but yeah, I'm trying to.

1:07:42 Adam You're not seeing anybody?

1:07:43 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:07:45 Adam Okay, so just say no. Are you still in love with the Asian girlfriend?

1:07:49 Caller I love and more like a sisterly way, yeah.

1:07:53 Drew No, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. What I'm sort of picking up on is these super intense relationships. And this girlfriend was pretty chaotic too, wasn't she?

1:08:05 Caller Chaotic in an oddly normal sense.

1:08:07 Drew But a handful.

1:08:08 Adam Stop talking to Jason.

1:08:09 Drew But here's the deal.

1:08:10 Adam I've had an ass full of that retard. Ah, are you seeing anyone now?

1:08:18 Drew Huge abandonment stuff.

1:08:19 Adam All right, Jason is why chicks hate guys. He really is a pain in the ass, this guy. He's a smart guy, he's probably an attractive guy, he's got a decent job, but he's all over the map. And I agree, he's closer to 17 than he is to 30 and he's 26 years old. How about a little therapy? And don't, just go to the goddamn therapist, would ya?

1:08:41 Drew I think there's something really.

1:08:42 Adam There's something, there's issues. But just be, just be open and look.

1:08:47 Drew A couple questions, let me just go. Jason, were you adopted or something?

1:08:52 Caller No, no, my parents were divorced when I was about 13. My mom was, like, probably had sex with more guys than me and my brother.

1:09:02 Drew Right, mom is crazy.

1:09:03 Caller All right, crazy mama.

1:09:04 Drew Okay, and was she just, I just got abandonment from mom. Big time abandonment.

1:09:08 Caller Okay. Crazy mom, abandonment from mom, yes.

1:09:10 Drew Oh, okay. Yeah, okay, well, that's, I get big time.

1:09:12 Adam You gotta hit, you got, Jason, you're a smart guy. You gotta hit the therapist.

1:09:16 Drew You really do, cause you, you cannot flexibly move in and out of relationships. You're choosing women you need to fix. You got the crazy woman that you're with that was very chaotic and hard and, you know, very, very interesting, but hard to hang on to. And then you're stuck with her. You can't let go of that relationship now that it's gone.

1:09:32 Adam You don't trust the guys who chase the Asian tail either, do you, Drew? I know, it's a certain breed of cat.

1:09:37 Drew It is, it is. He just got, he, his, and he's empty. In fact, he's the kind of guy I would expect to be with animals and stuff like that.

1:09:44 Adam Animals? You talking about ugly chicks?

1:09:47 Guest You talking about actual animals?

1:09:49 Drew Like, it's people, people and animals.

1:09:51 Caller Jason, where are you making the animal Asian connection?

1:09:55 Adam Have you ever humped a raccoon?

1:09:58 Drew No, I get the thing where people and animals or animals just easier kind of thing.

1:10:03 Adam Would you rather have sex with a badger or a woman?

1:10:08 Caller I'm going to say a woman.

1:10:09 Drew But Jason, wait, wait, wait, wait. But is there anything going on that way? Nothing going on that way? No weird fetishes or anything?

1:10:20 Caller Aside from the Asian fetish, not really.

1:10:23 Adam Are you chasing, do you like Asian women exclusively?

1:10:26 Caller Not exclusively, but I mean, they definitely have their positive attributes.

1:10:32 Caller Who is number one?

1:10:33 Adam That's Minka, the number one Asian big boob queen. You know what I like about Minka? She used to play tennis, but not anymore.

1:10:42 Caller Don't play tennis no more.

1:10:47 Adam Listen, I've always seen, I've always seen the advantages of the Asian woman. You got the small boobs, that's a drawback, but you got the hairless, that's a plus. You got that dark skin, you got that subservient thing going for you. That's all, these are all pluses, but the Asians never been a big fan of the ace man, Drew. You like the Asian women? No, Peter?

1:11:05 Drew I'm just thinking about Jason.

1:11:06 Guest You know, I've always admired him from afar. I've never been there.

1:11:09 Adam Yeah, yeah, see, I just get the feeling that underneath that kimono all held, there's just a dragon between those legs, yeah? That's what Drew says anyway. All right, we are gonna take ourselves a little break. Peter and Adam from the OC are gonna have to head back to the OC, because they have a big day of filming tomorrow, yeah?

1:11:28 Guest It's true.

1:11:29 Adam All right, well, it was a delight meeting the two of you.

1:11:33 Guest It was, great seeing you.

1:11:35 Adam You're welcome to come back as a couple or as individuals, any time you like, any project you have, come back, give it a nice big plug and spark up that doobie, we'll blow it out of the parking lot. And again, I just want you to go and open-mind it.

1:11:54 Guest Just like Vikings on a long voyage, that kind of thing.

1:11:57 Adam Don't judge until I'm done, that's all I'm saying.

1:11:59 Guest All right, we'll be back.

1:12:17 Adam You know what I like about Peter Gallagher, Drew?

1:12:21 Drew What's that?

1:12:21 Adam It shows that a guy with a big brow can make it in the business, you know? There's hope for you. He doesn't have quite the brow I have.

1:12:30 Drew No, his doesn't join in the middle.

1:12:32 Adam Oh, Drew.

1:12:33 Drew No, I mean, it's just a compliment.

1:12:35 Adam The point is, there's a pronounced brow there, and yet it has not held him back in his career.

1:12:40 Drew That's good.

1:12:40 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying, you know, there's a fellow Thespian that gives me hope. I look up to him. All right, let's hop back the phones. Oh, we got a Germany or Florida. Is it a Florida or Germany?

1:12:55 Drew Germany or Florida.

1:13:02 Adam Chad?

1:13:04 Yeah.

1:13:04 Adam 29, Chad called in an hour ago, had a Germany or Florida and we put him on hold. What's up, buddy?

1:13:11 Hey. Hey guys, thanks for taking my call. Drew, I bought your book. I really enjoyed it.

1:13:16 Drew Thank you, Chad, I appreciate that. No, don't get money for Cracked.

1:13:21 Adam Oh, yes he does.

1:13:22 Drew No, no.

1:13:23 I love Cracked. Okay, Germany or Florida. Its form or genre of heavy metal music known to its cult following as death metal, which is the most brutal, morbid, grotesque, satanic music on the planet, emanates from this region.

1:13:40 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna, this is tough.

1:13:43 Drew Isn't Germany?

1:13:44 Adam I'm going Germany. I'm going Germany on this one. This would be two Germanys in a row, by the way. Would it not, Drew?

1:13:50 Drew It's kind of rare for us. Mostly it's, most evil comes from Florida in reality.

1:13:55 Adam Yeah, it's-

1:13:56 Drew It all comes from either Germany or Florida, but most of it from Florida.

1:13:59 Adam I would guess it left Germany in the first stop it made here in the US is Florida, death metal. Let's go Germany, Chad.

1:14:07 Through Germany also? All right, well, I stumped you guys. It's from Florida. The first band actually from that area that did this type of music was actually called Death. And then the next group was like Obituary and then other groups like Deicide, which means the death of God came from that area. And it actually came from Florida.

1:14:29 Adam And it also-

1:14:29 Drew Inspired by German bands though.

1:14:30 Adam Deicide must mean a death of a God, not necessarily a-

1:14:34 Yeah, a death of a God, you're right.

1:14:35 Adam All right, Chad. God bless you, buddy. You stumped us. And for that, we're gonna send you out nothing.

1:14:40 Windbreaker?

1:14:41 Adam Oh, send you out a windbreaker.

1:14:42 Guest Oh, thank you.

1:14:45 Good time.

1:14:46 Adam We're not gonna put you on hold or take your address or anything like that. Well, Drew, stumped.

1:14:51 Drew I almost don't believe it. Doesn't seem like that should have come from Germany.

1:14:54 Guest You know a little funny sidebar to that?

1:14:56 Drew Yes.

1:14:57 Guest Because in Germany, there's actually gangs, or I read this a couple of years ago, there were gangs that were all in death metal and they actually killed each other over death metal in different bands.

1:15:05 Adam Yeah, it did seem like more of a Germany thing, but it began in Florida. Germany picked up on it very quickly.

1:15:13 Drew I guess we have to accept that.

1:15:14 Adam Yeah, and Drew, we were wrong once in a while.

1:15:16 Drew I guess so.

1:15:17 Adam Hey, but you know what I like about being wrong once in a while? Proves I'm human.

1:15:21 Drew Keeps it real.

1:15:21 Adam No, it makes me human. Sometimes I think I'm more than human, you know?

1:15:24 Drew You still go back to thinking that way, of course. But for a moment, you think. At this moment, I've recovered.

1:15:31 That's good.

1:15:31 Adam Ready to move forward? Let's talk to Becky. Becky? You're 20?

1:15:38 Caller Yes, I am.

1:15:39 Adam Pink's coming in here tomorrow night.

1:15:42 Caller Oh, yeah?

1:15:43 Adam Yeah.

1:15:44 Caller I'm a little bit of a fan.

1:15:48 Adam I thought I'd hold on a second. Well, once in a while I try. Once in a while I try, you know, it just, someone's go, hey, big fan or hey, that's nice. You're great for the show. Look forward to listening to that. I try. Things coming around. Uh-huh.

1:16:03 Drew I try to be the fan. I try to get excited.

1:16:05 Adam A little bit of a fan. Just say I won't give it up. Why is it? Are you not cool if you give it up? Is that what's going on? Or is it just horrible coincidence that everyone we talk to every time there's someone on this show is completely unimpressed with whoever's either on the show or gonna be on the show? Or does that make you a geek if you get excited? I think, I think it makes you a nerd if you get excited.

1:16:27 Drew You gotta get into that thought process.

1:16:29 Adam Well, here's what you gotta do. You gotta BS a little bit. You gotta go, hey, great. I'll be listening. You move forward. It's like when someone gets a haircut. Yeah, it looks great. Look 10 years younger. Anyway, what's up? See what I'm saying?

1:16:39 Drew Yeah.

1:16:41 Adam Should I punish?

1:16:42 Drew No, no, no, no. You may punish her.

1:16:43 Adam You may punish her.

1:16:44 Drew She's on hold for 82 minutes already.

1:16:45 Adam 82? Where is she? Up here? Yeah. Becky? I'm gonna take someone who's been on hold for one minute. For one minute. Sarah? Pink coming in studio tomorrow night.

1:16:57 That's cool. I'm not too big of a fan of Pink, though.

1:17:00 Adam All right, and then, not a big fan.

1:17:02 Drew Oh my God, they can't let it go, can they?

1:17:04 Adam No, just can't, just, can't just go along. Okay, who's been on hold the second least?

1:17:10 Drew There you go.

1:17:10 Adam 17 minutes over here in Deanna. Let's see how this works. Hey, Deanna? Deanna? Diana?

1:17:18 Guest Yeah.

1:17:19 Adam Okay, hey, guess who's coming on the show tomorrow night? Pink. That's exciting, yeah? No, not really. I hope Pink's not listening. She's gonna kill herself.

1:17:33 Drew Oh my God.

1:17:34 Adam She's gonna put a gun in her mouth and call herself Red.

1:17:36 Drew Line two.

1:17:37 Adam Line two, second, third or fifth longest hole.

1:17:39 Drew We'll take some of these around for a while.

1:17:41 Adam No, no, no. Julie? You're 24?

1:17:45 Caller Yes.

1:17:46 Adam Big news, tomorrow night in studio, Pink.

1:17:52 Caller But you know what? I would listen anyway because I love you guys.

1:17:57 Drew That's good enough. Well, that's... All we want them is to be positive.

1:18:01 Adam Do you like Pink? All right, baby doll, go ahead. By the way, Miss Attitude, who was on hold for 81 minutes, is hung up. All right, go ahead, baby doll, or whenever her phone's going to show up on it. I like the scenario. Go ahead, Julie.

1:18:18 Caller I'm finally ready to deal with what I think, I think, what I think is my real, my real issue. I've had some problems with depression, but I think what's at the core is, there, something sexual happened between my brother and I when I was like four or five.

1:18:38 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:18:43 Caller He's seven years older than me.

1:18:45 Adam All right, so it's like 12 and five?

1:18:48 Caller Yes, so I don't know how to look at it, if it's abuse or incest, and I just want to get rid of the shame, and I just want to, I just want to deal with it, and I don't know if I should.

1:19:02 Drew What happened?

1:19:03 Caller It was just touching and like playing doctor, and there was no like sexual intercourse.

1:19:15 Adam All right, and what do you chalk that up to on his behalf? Is he a troubled person?

1:19:23 Caller What?

1:19:23 Adam Is he a troubled person?

1:19:25 Caller No, no, he's married now. He has a daughter. I think he has anger issues, but I mean, he gets by.

1:19:38 Drew Did he do this over and over again to you?

1:19:42 Caller A couple of times, and I knew it was wrong because I lied to my mother about it.

1:19:50 Adam Why do you think he stopped?

1:19:54 Caller I don't know.

1:19:56 Adam Okay, so this happened a couple of times in your five. There was no oral sex or penetration?

1:20:03 Caller No, not that I remember.

1:20:05 Adam Okay, but some inappropriate touching. He was 12, and now you feel sort of shamed about it. But what else? Anything else in the family? I mean, was it mom and dad?

1:20:24 Drew Well, sometimes kids will do this when there's just a lot of chaos in the family, pain and things are not going well, there's sort of emotional abuse.

1:20:30 Adam 12-year-old, I would say 12-year-old boy, almost all bets are off in terms of them just sort of acting out in wacky ways. But now if a girl did this to you, she would have been sexually abused.

1:20:47 Drew Let's be really clear about this. We're not saying, hey, just a 12-year-old male could have sex with his sister and it's no big deal. No, that means that he was sexually abused, but he's just sort of, this is not really, he's not really violating you, he's just sort of violating boundaries and inappropriate. It suggests there was a lot of emotional pain in your family.

1:21:06 Adam A little recondition, that's all.

1:21:08 Drew But he was probably trying to manage something, but.

1:21:11 Adam Whatever, listen, guys, I don't know if you remember what it was like to be a young lad, but you have a lot of really bad ideas.

1:21:19 Drew Mostly go out and like stomp insects and things.

1:21:21 Adam Yeah, you wanna like burn ants.

1:21:22 Drew Right.

1:21:23 Adam I took a hammer to some bullets until one went off, just sat there and beat on it until it actually blew up.

1:21:29 Drew What?

1:21:31 Adam I was.

1:21:31 Drew What was the plan?

1:21:32 Adam Well, I was over at a kid's house, his dad was a hunter or something, had some shells, some cartridges up in the, it was up in the garage. Somehow we got, we found them, we got hold of them. We grabbed them. They were like bullets, you know, they're bullets. So spread them out in the garage and kind of drove our bikes around them, like, oh, you gotta miss the bullet, gotta miss the bullet, bullets gonna explode. But after a while, it got kind of boring.

1:21:56 Drew You needed it to explode.

1:21:57 Adam Throwing the bullets around and chucking them onto the ground and hit them with rocks and stuff.

1:22:01 Drew Oh my God.

1:22:02 Adam And then didn't go off. So eventually just set the bullet down on the side of the house, on the cement and beat on it with a hammer.

1:22:10 Drew Until it went off.

1:22:11 Adam Yeah. I took some shrapnel in the head, but I think I'm fine. No, I don't know where the bullet went. And I don't exactly know, I was beating the center of the bullet. I wasn't hitting the primer and the back of it. And the casing probably shot out further than the slug. If there's nothing holding the back of the thing, who the hell knows where the thing went? It just beat on it with a hammer. I had good parents. It was good times. Look at me, I'm literally a millionaire. So anyway, Julie, here's what you need to do.

1:22:44 Drew You need therapy.

1:22:44 Adam You need therapy, but you need to not, I'm gonna absolve you of some of this stuff, which is A, you didn't do anything wrong. I don't know, you feel a little dirty and you feel shamed and everything. This is your wacky brother who's probably going through some hard times and acting out. We've heard a thousand times worse on this show, a thousand times over. There's some inappropriate stuff going on, but no wholesale sexual abuse. This isn't what's destroying your life. There's some depression or something that's growing out.

1:23:16 Drew There's also, somebody working with you would make out of this what they call a cohesive narrative, a way of understanding and making it digestible to you, making it sort of giving forgiveness, letting go of the shame, and sort of having that experience with another person. It's a very treatable thing.

1:23:32 Adam Fine.

1:23:36 Drew No.

1:23:36 Adam Your brother? No. No. You're not going to get any satisfaction out of that. You could get drunk and pull it out during Thanksgiving though. That would be a good one. Video tape it for me. That's the show I would like to forget about these wacky video shows. How about most uncomfortable confrontations? Start the video camera up on Thanksgiving and just set it in the corner on the bookshelf and just point it toward the camera and then watch everyone get loaded and then have the daughter stand up and start yelling at the granddad you effed me when I was 11. You effed me and then mom starts pointing at him and yelling he did me too and then that just turns into a huge uncomfortable free for all.

1:24:19 Drew That's television.

1:24:21 Adam If you think about it, if you think about truly uncomfortable viewing.

1:24:25 Drew Yes. That would be. We're probably headed there.

1:24:27 Adam The guys on Survivor eating the blood clams and then heaving, yakking into a, into a fern, right? All right. But here's what we're saying. Was this Natalie we're talking about? Julie's relationships aren't going as well as she would want them to. I'm guessing there's some things like that. Don't blame, don't focus at all on this one incident. The overall, look at the totality of the situation. Your family situation was not great. Don't focus at all on this. I don't know why everyone wants to do this, although I understand it. You like to take whatever's gone wrong with your life and channel it all into one or two incidents that happen at some point.

1:25:06 Drew When there's really a serious trauma, you should be doing that.

1:25:09 Adam Yeah, if your car went into the lake.

1:25:11 Drew Sometimes the preoccupations are a diversion from what really is bothering you.

1:25:16 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Loveline. Everybody, it's Loveline. Oh yeah. I'm Adam. That's my partner. And on and off again, lover, Dr. Drew, just now is ramming his stool into me.

1:25:45 Drew That could be taken a lot of different ways.

1:25:47 Adam I'll be ramming your stool back into you in just a couple of few. All right. Peter Gallagher and Adam Brody. Two delights, by the way. Yeah. Good guys.

1:25:58 Drew Oh, see.

1:25:59 Adam And don't worry, we know who the good ones are. And the bad ones. These are the good ones. Yeah. Pink coming in here tomorrow night. Apparently, people are going crazy for this pink. They're lukewarm that she's coming into the studio. All right. We have Young Jordan. Jordan?

1:26:15 Yeah, hey.

1:26:16 Adam Hey, you're 15. What's up, buddy?

1:26:19 Caller I was listening and I heard about the hobo power. And I really like it.

1:26:25 Drew That does remind us, though. We were intrigued by the fact that somebody called from the UK last night.

1:26:29 Caller Oh, yes, I heard about that.

1:26:31 Adam We had a guy call from London last night, or at least England, and wanted to know about the hobo power. And we're glad to hear a call come in from overseas.

1:26:40 Drew We need to get more of that. We had to develop that somewhere.

1:26:42 Adam Yes, go ahead, Jordan.

1:26:44 Caller All right, well, I had an idea for a system to rate how hot a chick is. And I was hoping to get some input from you, Adam.

1:26:52 Adam All right. All right.

1:26:55 Drew A system?

1:26:58 Adam Yeah. A one to 10. Yeah, that seems to be the way, guys. It's stood the test of time. Let's not mix it up. Yeah, one being worst and 10 being best. You don't run into too many ones and you don't run into too many tens.

1:27:13 Drew And it's a universal unit of measure. Everyone-

1:27:15 Adam Go anywhere.

1:27:16 Drew There's very much like Fahrenheit or Centigrade. People know exactly what you're talking about.

1:27:21 Adam Canada, as far away as Riverside.

1:27:22 Drew In fact, right, it's even more transportable because there's no metric and there's no conversion factors. Yeah. In all languages.

1:27:29 Adam I don't want to out think ourselves on this one. Hobo power, somebody needed to come up with. And if not me, it would have been somebody else. We just beat them to the stink. But the chick hotness meter, that's one to 10. That's been around for a long time. Tristan. Yeah. You're 17? You want to know my cranberry recipe? All right. It's a little early, but I'm going to give it out.

1:27:54 Drew Okay.

1:27:55 Adam Because I was over at the Osborne's yesterday, giving it out. Really?

1:28:00 Drew Is that yesterday?

1:28:01 Adam It was yesterday. That's part of my mission, by the way, to get the entire world making fresh cranberry sauce and none of that low rent, white trash, canned crap that everyone goes for and thinks is okay, by the way. That by the way, I think I got a Drew's. No, I didn't get that at Drew's house. But the old lady still bought the cranberry sauce. There's nothing better than the cooked cranberry sauce. It's still just a little bit warm when you serve it. Oh yeah. Very nice. Okay, here it is everybody. And you'll see when you hear how easy it is to make this sauce, you'll realize what fools you all have been for opening cans over the years. You'll feel foolish and you'll want to apologize to me. You take a sack of whole cranberries, they come in those sacks and buy them early by the way, because they will sell out, get a sack of cranberries, one sack of cranberries, one cup of sugar, one cup of water, you're done. That's it. So here it is. You get a saucepan, you put a medium flame under it. You pour one cup of water into that saucepan, then one cup of sugar. And you bring that to a little bit of a boil because it dissolves the sugar. Then you empty one sack of cranberries and don't wash them. I don't know why you shouldn't wash them. I just thought it sounded right. Dump one sack of cranberries into that pot, stir it a little bit, lower the flame just a little bit, put a lid on it. Six to eight minutes later, you got cranberry sauce.

1:29:36 Drew That's after you stop stirring?

1:29:39 Adam Six, eight minutes after you stop stirring.

1:29:40 Drew Six, eight minutes after you pour the bag in.

1:29:43 Adam Oh, who cares? You stir for eight seconds, Jack. Don't screw with me. You just, you have fresh cranberries now. That's the point. And that's it. And it's delicious. And you can't do any better. And you're done. It's as easy as you can do. I make it every year and I bring it around with me to my relatives' house who are angered by it, but screw you. You're gonna open a can? How dare you? All right, Natalie. I mean, Tristan, you're cool?

1:30:08 Caller Yeah.

1:30:08 Adam That's it. You want to repeat it back to me real fast?

1:30:12 Caller Bag of cranberries, cup of sugar, cup of water.

1:30:14 Adam That's it?

1:30:15 Caller Yeah.

1:30:15 Adam You're done. All right, please do that. Please, everyone within the sound of my voice do this.

1:30:21 Drew Do the Osbornes eat your cranberries?

1:30:24 Adam Jack did.

1:30:25 Drew Do you like it?

1:30:26 Adam Of course he liked it. It's delightful. What's not to like? You can also put a little zest of lemon in there too.

1:30:33 Drew Orange peel.

1:30:33 Adam A little orange peel isn't bad too. Just actually put a little orange peel in there. A little lemon peel, orange peel. And the next day it's good, it's good cold. You know, it's nice when you're making a sandwich, making a turkey sandwich. You get the dry white meat on there. Put a little dollop of that, that helps it go down. Oh, Drew, we're looking forward to this Thanksgiving. Stuffing's good. And let me say this too about Thanksgiving. Don't outsmart yourself. If people get a little, they get a little cool. You know what I'm saying? Where they're going, you know, this year we're going with pheasant. No, no, don't do that. Well, by the way, what are we eating? Fully dressed Thanksgiving dinners every goddamn week that you got to make something different the one year we can't eat it. You know what I mean? Like people try to get slick. Oh, we went with a quiche this year, or we went with this, or we went with the pasta. No, no, no, no. Turkey. That's what we want. We want the turkey. We want the gravy. We want the stuffing. We want the, ooh, candied yams. The sweet potatoes and the yams. Yeah, it's a good time. Oh, that is great. And that's what we want. Why? Well, we don't get it the rest of the year. And we want the leftovers that come from that. You get, is your mouth watering?

1:31:44 Drew Yes, I want to go eat. Let's go take a break.

1:31:46 Adam Picture, picture cranberry. Close your eyes and picture biting down into an equal parts cranberry, turkey and stuffing bite right now. It's, you're salivating, right?

1:31:58 Drew I'm pissed.

1:32:00 Adam We'll be back.

1:32:02 Alright guys, here's the deal. Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person? Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

1:32:15 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead!

1:32:36 Adam Hey everybody! Well, that's the show. I want to thank Adam Brody for coming in here, Peter Gallagher for coming in here. Pink, by Semi-Popular Demand coming in tomorrow night.

1:32:48 Drew Nice.

1:32:49 Adam Yeah, then Kathy Griffin. You know what I call her, right?

1:32:53 Drew Red.

1:32:54 Adam Orange.

1:32:54 Drew Orange.

1:32:56 Adam He's a good actor. He's in a new movie coming up, Office Space and Swingers and Sex and the City. And you'd know him if you saw him. But it's not gonna help because it's on the radio. So until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. I'll be ramming your stool back into you in just a couple of few.

1:33:18 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, November 18, 2003