Episode 1000577698780

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Voiceover Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Oh, this heat, Drew. It is driving me berserk.

1:18 Drew I hope the rest of the country appreciates that we sort of telegraph what was gonna happen in this part of the country. We were talking about the heat for 10 days and then the place just caught on fire.

1:27 Adam Yeah.

1:27 Drew It was so hot.

1:28 Adam I look at it as God trying to put us out of our misery. You know what I'm saying? You know when you pull up on some roadkill, there's a deer, it's got a couple of broken legs, it's bleeding through the ear. What it needs is a bullet in the head.

1:44 Drew Yes.

1:44 Adam It doesn't need a pillow.

1:45 Drew It needs a bullet. That's what these fires are for.

1:47 Adam I think that's what God's doing with these fires.

1:48 Drew Well, if you notice, they've ringed us, they've created a ring with no roads out of Los Angeles now.

1:53 Adam I'd like to hurry up and close in so we can get this over with. I'm going insane. I was 85 in my house when I got home, and look, listen everybody, I'm not using any hyperbole. There's no exaggeration here. I'm just telling you the number, the digital readout that's on, not the thermometer that's out in the sun, not the one that's on the roof, just the thermostat right my entryway. And believe me, when it's cold, it says it's cold. And when it's hot, it says it's 85. That's six o'clock this evening, 85. Open every window, turn on every fan. When I leave tonight at 930, which is, no, 83, which is really 1030. It's gotta be well into the 80s, indoor, in the house, well into the 80s. God damn air doesn't work downstairs. And everyone says, oh, get the guy out, get the guy out, get the guy out. But I keep thinking, listen, what have we got, another day of this, day and a half, and then it'll go on?

2:50 Drew That's what drives me so crazy.

2:51 Adam Are my jinks in it? Oh yeah.

2:53 Drew If you get the guy to come out, they'll end it.

2:54 Adam Yeah, but I think it's like, the guy must be busier in hell right now.

2:57 Drew But just think, if bringing him out ends the heat wave. Oh yeah.

3:02 Adam That's what it is.

3:02 Drew We'll bring him out.

3:04 Adam Can't we do some cloud seeding or get some Indian to do some dance or something?

3:08 Drew By the way, if there ever were a case for cloud seeding not working, we threw a few billion tons of smoke into the air here. It didn't do much for the clouds, right?

3:20 Adam Well, I don't know. I think they put sulfur, aluminum something. I'm not sure what they seed with. Yeah. I'm gonna think about that. Silver nitrate or something like that or sulfur nitrate. But here's the point. I get in my car at 78 degrees. I mean, it is, and the wind blows and it's like you think someone's holding a hairdryer in front of you. It's the middle of the goddamn night.

3:44 Drew In the middle of the fall.

3:46 What? Halloween.

3:47 Adam I'm seeing pumpkins out on, their pumpkins are catching on fire.

3:52 Drew Exploding.

3:53 Adam Candy corn is melting. Do you hear me? Like what is going on? Can we get some goddamn weather? Can we get something? Anything but just, here's what we get in Southern California. We get no weather or novelty hot. We don't get anything. We don't get, I swear to Christ, I gotta just look at a picture of lightning to remember what it looks like. There's no thunder. Once in a while you hear a car backfire or a gang banger fires off a couple rounds into the air. But that's about it. There's just nothing. I want something. I wanna see a goddamn cloud move.

4:27 Drew That's right, after the fires come through this year, we'll get a downpour.

4:29 Adam Listen, I'm excited just to see smoke in the air. It's like I look up and go, hey, usually there's just that burning orb that's searing my brain. But now there's something else floating around in there. I guess that's smoke. Oh, well, at least it's something. At least there's something to see. Jesus Christ, it's driving me nuts. All right, Drew.

4:51 Drew Yeah, I'm with you.

4:54 Adam Can't find my ID card. Plus, I know I brought this up three or 400 times, but I swear to Christ, if somebody invents a car and says, look, this car's 20 grand too much, it's way underpowered, it's not put together very well. A lot of it was put together in a Polish factory. A lot of people were drunk on rye and vodka. But let me tell you one thing this car does have, a seat gutter. The passenger seat gutter. Anything, keys, little thin little ID cards, cell phones, whatever. It's just all gonna, you think all that, you're just mashing. I think how many hours you got it, you're just mashing your hand in between the seat of the car. Maybe we ought to just slide it under the back.

5:36 Drew Maybe the simple thing is just to develop a seat gutter sweeper. Just a little instrument that sweep it all to the back seat.

5:44 Adam I can't get it. It's got, the seats, you know, the power seats, they got all kinds of screw drives and motors and gears and solenoids. It's too much. You can't get your, back in the day you used to be able to get your hand under there. Now you try to wedge your hand in the side, you're not quite sure where stuff's hiding back there. Drew, you got a four door, you get a two door with no back seat, you can't get your hand back. There's nothing back there. Now I don't know where my ID card is. Now I got to really get in there and look at it. And here's the thing about the seat gutter. It's not that a bunch of stuff falls down in there, it's that you know it's not in there. Whereas when you don't know it's in there, you swear it's in there. See, that's where it is. Everything is under my car seat until proven otherwise. Right? Any of your jewelry, watches, keepsakes, stuff that was looted from Jews in World War II, if you can't find it, I think it's under my seat. That's my point. And it very well could be.

6:45 Drew That's some of the Baghdad looting.

6:46 Adam All under there. The museum stuff, baguettes, it's under my seat. Tiffany? You're 17? What's up? You're calling from Dallas. What was the temperature like in Dallas today?

6:59 Caller Today it was a little warmer. Yesterday it was in like the 50s, I think.

7:06 Adam Oh.

7:07 Caller But today it was around 60s, 70s.

7:09 Adam Oh. Weather. I swear to F in Christ, Drew. It's 1030 today. I'm standing at my house. I'm working on my house. I'm standing out front with a couple of my Latino brethren. I'm pointing at some stuff. I'm looking. And all of a sudden I just like look up and it's like feel one lone drip of sweat go down the back of my neck and into my shirt. I'm thinking to myself, what is this? It's painfully, oppressively, brutally hot. And we're almost into November now. It's just a way. We can't have anything in the goddamn 80s? It's gonna be 96 with the, which is it just feels like I'm standing behind a jet engine. I'm just miserable, every night the fans going, the air's going, the windows are open, everything's going. Oh, just something. Here's what I want. I want to put on some long johns. I want some long johns. I want a sweatshirt. I want the one with the hood built in.

8:07 Drew Oh yeah.

8:07 Adam Pull that hood up.

8:08 Drew Remember that caller we had a couple of months ago that said she was wearing a hoodie?

8:11 Adam You know what I want to do? I want to go to bed with socks on because my tootsies get cold when they stick out from the comforter. Jesus Christ. I have to sleep. You know my position is like Christ on the cross. I have to spread out. You know I have to spread out and I told them to take a number two pencil and wedge it. My cheeks don't keep them open otherwise I produce too much heat in the ass cheek area. Feet sticking out, cover flopped open, cotton mouth all night. There's been dry wind blowing everywhere and I'm walking around like this all day. Spitting up cotton balls, this is it, can we get something? I'm mad at the weathermen.

8:54 Drew Tiffany, what's going on? You're 18. 17.

8:58 Caller Well, I don't know exactly what I'm doing wrong I guess I could say. Because I have a boyfriend and he's 19.

9:05 Drew How long has he been your boyfriend?

9:08 Caller For three or four months now, two, three, four, I don't know.

9:12 Drew How'd you meet him? He's 19.

9:14 Caller We met at a bowling alley.

9:16 Bowling, of course, of course.

9:18 Adam What's your average?

9:20 Caller What's my average?

9:22 Adam Yeah.

9:23 Caller What do you mean?

9:25 Adam I knew she wouldn't know what that meant even though they met at a bowling alley. I should never talk to anyone at a bowling alley. I don't bowl. Okay, I know. I knew you wouldn't know for some reason.

9:36 Drew It would be unsatisfying. But go ahead, so you met him there. What's happening with him now?

9:40 Caller Well, we've been together for a while and I've been trying to get him to have sex with me and he won't.

9:45 Adam Do you know what an average is?

9:47 Caller I guess my score.

9:52 Adam Just say I don't bowl, right?

9:54 Caller Well, I don't bowl.

9:55 Drew But you must have sex with a boyfriend.

9:57 Adam You said it as a response to the What's Your Average show.

10:00 Caller I didn't know what you meant at the time.

10:02 Adam So, you're having sex with them.

10:05 Drew Wait, wait, wait. Asking what their average is is like asking somebody who doesn't golf regularly what their handicap is.

10:10 Adam Yeah, they're just going on golf.

10:11 Drew Yeah. That's what she said I don't bowl.

10:14 Adam Ten minutes into it, she did.

10:15 Drew You're right.

10:16 Adam That's what I'm complaining about.

10:18 Drew So, she has a boyfriend who will not have sex and you don't know why, right?

10:21 Caller And I don't know why. He tells me that because he has it before and I have it before. And he tells me that he wants it to be special and I try to make situations special. Like, I don't know.

10:31 Adam League night?

10:32 Drew What does special mean to a guy?

10:34 Adam What is special?

10:35 Drew A guy is special if you're having sex with him. That's special.

10:40 Adam He could meet you to dump.

10:41 Drew And that'd be special.

10:42 Adam Hey, Drew, we're doing on a soiled box spring that's out in the back alley. Perfect.

10:47 Drew Special.

10:48 Adam How romantic.

10:49 Caller That's how every guy I've been with before has been, you know, wherever, you know, however. But him, I don't know.

10:54 Drew How many guys have you been with before? And any sense of what's going on with this guy?

11:02 Caller I, I really, really don't know because he's been with people before and I mean, he's like thrown down in the middle of school before.

11:08 Adam He's thrown down. Well, you see, you see, I can extrapolate. He's had sex in the middle of school, right?

11:17 Caller Yeah.

11:17 Adam Well, I can tell what the context is.

11:20 Drew There's something very, very wrong. Yeah. Something does not add up. He sure is your boyfriend?

11:25 Caller Yeah. Well, like the first two weeks we were together, he was like, well, I don't want Tyler. I don't want Tyler. And then eventually he was like, well, yeah.

11:34 Drew Here's my guess.

11:35 Adam Yeah, he's not that into you.

11:35 Drew No, here's my... No, no, it's worse. He has another girlfriend.

11:38 Adam Probably.

11:39 Drew That's my guess.

11:40 Adam Yeah.

11:41 Caller Well, no, because we spend like all day, every day together. He works and he gets off work and he comes over to my house around seven or so.

11:48 Adam Where does he work? What's... What do you do with him? What's... What do you do physically?

11:53 Drew How far have you gotten?

11:54 Caller Well, we've...

11:55 Adam How come I... How come I'm supposed to know what throwdown means but you don't know what do I do with him? Why is everything so confusing for you?

12:03 Drew What do you do with him?

12:04 Caller Everything but have sex.

12:08 Adam He's into that?

12:09 Drew What kind of work does he do?

12:15 Adam That is worse than...

12:16 Drew Nineteen year old welder?

12:17 Adam That's worse than roofer.

12:18 Drew What's such a thing about that?

12:20 Adam His dad has a business.

12:22 Drew His dad has a business. There you go.

12:23 Caller And he works with his dad and...

12:25 Drew By the way, no reaction to that on Tiffany's part.

12:28 Adam No.

12:28 Drew No.

12:29 Adam I can go ahead and say his dad before she does.

12:32 Drew And she's not impressed.

12:33 Adam Well, because it is his dad.

12:35 Drew Yeah, of course. It's her boyfriend's dad's work for her.

12:37 Adam All right. Tiffany.

12:39 Caller Yes.

12:40 Adam Why don't you just ask him? You just have to come out and ask him.

12:44 Caller I ask him why he doesn't want to and he says, well, because I want it to be special and I don't know if it's maybe...

12:49 Drew You tell him that's BS. You tell him that's BS. You just tell him that in no way. You've talked to a lot of your guy friends and they tell you that doesn't... No way.

12:56 Adam How long has he not been humping you? Well, tell him he has a limited amount of time to make a special night for the two of you.

13:09 Drew Right.

13:09 Adam To plan a special night.

13:10 Drew He's got two weeks.

13:11 Adam Yeah.

13:11 Drew Give him two weeks and that's that.

13:12 Adam And see him in slow motion.

13:14 Drew Because if not, it means something really bad about this relationship. He's just got somebody else who's not into it or something.

13:19 Adam She's lying on the bed on the futon. He comes in, slow motion now, pulls the welding mask off, tosses it.

13:27 Drew Not toss it. Just flips it up.

13:28 Adam Flips it up. That means he's business. He only flips the welding mask up for two things. He's pulling off the big brim leather gloves.

13:37 Drew I'm just imagining the oral sex with the big leather smock. How does that work?

13:40 Adam Hey, I think I get used to that. You know the problem with those... I don't want to get into welding. You can't see anything through the thing unless you get your arc started.

13:50 Drew Oh, really? It's that dark.

13:52 Adam Oh, it's dark. Yeah, it's not like sunglasses. They have to get it started and then they do that head flip and it pops down.

13:58 Drew Oh, so you burn your eyes and then you flip over the sun.

14:01 Adam Yeah, but if you're no good at it, you can't get the arc going and then flip the welding mask down. But yeah, you can't see through that thing. But good times, right? Hunt?

14:12 Yeah.

14:13 Adam You're 20?

14:15 Caller 20.

14:17 Adam You have a Germany or Florida for us?

14:19 Caller Yeah, I do.

14:22 Adam Here's the thing. I figured out, well, I didn't figure this out, but we figured it out, me and the other writers at Jimmy Kimmel Live, figured out that the essence of all bizarre, all weird, the macabre, the occult, all the f'd up things in life either come from Florida or Germany.

14:42 Drew Period.

14:43 Adam Period. And so, we started playing Florida or Germany at the writers' meeting. Once in a while, someone brings in a piece of paper, says something f'd up like somebody taught their schnauzer to do the Heil Hitler, and then we have to decide whether it's Florida or Germany. And it's good fun and we've been collecting them. I don't know if Jimmy's ever going to do it on the show, but it's been a number of months and it hasn't come up yet, so I'll do it on this show.

15:08 Drew I saw a headline and I knew immediately it was Florida, an alligator got loose in an airplane. Florida.

15:15 Adam Could have been one that departed from Florida that was over Germany though.

15:20 Drew Oh, good point.

15:21 Adam Alright, so Hunt.

15:22 Drew Yeah.

15:23 Adam So, we'll guess. You go ahead. Now, I was three for four last night.

15:27 Drew You would have been four for four.

15:29 I would have been four for four.

15:30 Adam I would have been four for four. These guys talked me out of it.

15:33 Caller Okay, you ready? Yeah. Okay, a woman ran over her husband or crushed him with her SUV, and she was only sentenced to two years of probation because she was able to prove by releasing videotapes of her crushing small animals that her and her husband had a crushed fetish, and that he was consenting that they were just doing it. Okay.

15:59 Drew Let's read this out. The fetish speaks Germany.

16:02 Adam Yeah, it started in Florida and went to Germany for me.

16:05 Drew Okay, because interpersonal violence, Florida.

16:07 Adam SUV, white domestic violence, running over, it all smacked Florida.

16:13 Drew Fetish.

16:14 Adam Then it got into fetish.

16:16 Drew Weird fetish, too.

16:17 Adam Weird crushing fetish.

16:19 Drew They do have that out here. Let's make it real here. Now go up to an F'd up legal system, we're back in Florida. Yeah.

16:26 Adam We may have went from Florida to Germany and back to Florida. Yeah, because she only did a couple of years and Germany seems like they would have given her more than a slap on the head.

16:35 Drew They would have seen through the BS.

16:36 Caller There was community service too.

16:39 Adam So, are we going to make a guess?

16:41 Drew Yes. What are we going to call it? It's a hard one.

16:46 Adam Well, community.

16:47 Drew Does Germany have community service?

16:49 Adam I don't know if Germany has, but it's no fair if you get it that way. I thought it was Germany, but Hunt has sort of led me to believe it's Florida. I don't know why. I don't think it's that smart. Let's go Germany. Want to go Germany?

17:03 Drew No.

17:03 Adam No, you want to go Florida? All right.

17:05 Drew But I don't want to talk you out of it. I'll go whichever way you want to go.

17:08 Adam Well, we'll play against each other.

17:09 Drew All right.

17:09 Adam All right, you go Florida. I'll go Germany. All right.

17:13 Drew You're wrong.

17:14 Adam It was Florida.

17:15 Drew Oh. Just f'ed up legal system. Where else? Germany has a rational social system.

17:20 Adam But the crushing fetish sounds so true.

17:23 Drew Well, they may have been Germans in Florida.

17:25 Adam Oh, interesting. Yeah.

17:27 Drew What was their last name?

17:29 Adam The installer.

17:30 Caller It only has the first name.

17:33 Adam He's such an idiot. True.

17:35 Drew True.

17:36 Adam Drew's such an idiot. He thinks he can wheel himself into the right answer.

17:40 Drew I go, no, I got the right answer. I said Florida.

17:42 Adam I know. He goes, what was their last name? And then he puts his finger up like, haha, here we go. Mine Schneiderbrau. Here it comes. And it's like, and they didn't have. Drew, do you know that you queuing, you queuing it jinxes it. You understand that? Don't put your finger up. Ha ha ha. I don't know why you think, do you think that you control it?

18:02 Drew No, I'm saying, wouldn't it be funny, listen.

18:06 Adam I know, but no, you're saying, aren't I right, no, it's never going to be. Drew, you jinx it. All right, but you're still up one nothing. We'll have to keep going.

18:14 Drew But which is a more rational thought, believing you're controlling it or believing you jinx it by putting your finger up?

18:20 Adam They're both, both things you think.

18:22 Drew Irrational.

18:22 Adam Both things. Kelly?

18:24 Drew Yeah?

18:25 Adam You're 20?

18:26 Caller Yep.

18:27 Adam What's up?

18:29 Caller I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We've been sexually active for almost a year now. And unless I like dress up or tie him up or get rough with him.

18:39 Adam Germany. Germany. Germany?

18:41 Caller No. Austin, Texas. Like during sex or oral sex, he does not have an orgasm. He'll get close, but it just doesn't happen.

18:50 Drew Yeah.

18:51 Caller And I was wondering if maybe, like he was really into pornography like for a long time, like I'm his first, so like before that was just, you know, porn and righty.

19:02 Drew And what?

19:03 Adam Righty.

19:04 Drew Oh, righty.

19:05 Caller Always righty. But I was wondering if maybe just like his exposure to so much really weird pornography.

19:12 Drew No. No way. Not unless the exposure began when he was six.

19:15 Caller No. It's been a recent thing. His Catholic friend exposed him to it.

19:23 Drew First of all, Kelly, your denial and way of thinking about how he was working is all sort of screwed up.

19:28 Adam Yeah. You've got to effed up boyfriend. It's not his Catholic friend's fault. It's his parent's fault or his fault or God's fault.

19:34 Drew He's a trauma survivor. It's trauma.

19:36 Adam He's a mess.

19:37 Caller Well, he actually had a really kind of normal, straight-laced child.

19:40 Drew Yeah. But something happened along the way there. It may have all been good, but something got him, something traumatized him along the way.

19:47 Adam Yeah, you sure you want to put up with this guy?

19:50 Caller Well, I mean, he treats me really well. Like, he's the first boyfriend I've had who's not, you know, cheated on me or hit me or lied to me.

19:59 Drew So, she's attracted to that kind of guy.

20:03 Adam Yeah, but aren't you going to start craving that, a little chaos pretty soon?

20:07 Caller I'm not really.

20:10 Caller I mean, we've had like one fight and that's because I was working like, you know, 60, 70-hour weeks and I had one day off that month and he forgot we had plans and that was it.

20:20 Drew What did he do for a living?

20:23 Caller What do I do for a living?

20:25 Drew You and he, both of you.

20:26 Caller I'm a chef and he does tech support. Mm-hmm.

20:31 Adam Nerd. Super nerd.

20:33 Caller He's an Asian nerd, Asian computer nerd.

20:36 Adam Oh my God. I don't know if you're a nerd if you're an Asian who's good at computers. It's like, are you a nerd if you're an Asian who plays the cello or the violin or the piano?

20:46 Caller He plays the violin and he has a 4.0 GPA.

20:48 Adam Shocking. I think that just makes you an Asian, not a nerd. You have to play the cello, the piano, the violin simultaneously to be an Asian nerd.

20:59 Drew He'll have to play that while you ice skate.

21:01 Adam All right. So what does he want you to dress up like?

21:05 Caller Different things. Like I have a bunch of like dominatrix kind of stuff, corsets, sweaters.

21:11 Caller I have a couple of little schoolgirl outfits, a girl scout outfit.

21:15 Caller I mean it runs the gamut really.

21:18 Adam And you can't just have a straight night. You got to put something on. You got to put on a show for him.

21:24 Drew He can't function without it?

21:25 Caller Well, he enjoys sex without all of that. He just doesn't have an orgasm.

21:30 Drew Well, that means he can't function without it. That's true fetish. That's true fetish. And so something did happen to him. He was used. Yeah.

21:37 Adam Wow. All right. So, I don't know. Can you wean a guy off of this? What do you do?

21:42 Drew They're in.

21:43 Adam I mean, if you're just... If he's just having sex with you for a long period of time, nothing, huh? I mean, unless you're in a schoolgirl's outfit?

21:52 Caller Yeah. Something like that. Or if he's tied up. Like I have... I have like an old house...

21:57 Adam Oh, he's tied up.

21:58 Caller Yeah.

21:58 Caller I have an old house with like big rafters in the living room and I have a suspension and then he likes that.

22:03 Drew Suspension.

22:05 Caller Yeah.

22:06 Caller It's like a harness and like he's in the harness and I'll go down on him while he's in the harness and like, you know, 10 minutes and he has an orgasm. But if I'm just going down on him and...

22:15 Drew Very sporting of you, Kelly. Yeah.

22:17 Adam It's like, well, hold on a second. You take... you're like pulling a Marlin up onto a pier or something every time you want to blow a guy. Taking a picture with you standing next to the Asian kid. Well, that's a nice looking Asian. What do you come in at? About 145, 145. What? But he was a fighter. Oh, yeah. What test line do you use? Just 110 Asian line. What did you get him on? Chovey. The squid and chovey, mainly. You never hit on squid, but I went with chovey. And I fought this kid. I got in a fighting chair. Fought this Asian for a good 45 minutes before we gaffed him on board. She got... What? She got to come along, hang from her rafters, and like a block and tackle? Yeah. Holy Christ. See, here's the whole thing. I'm up for anything. Like the first 10 times I do it, and then I got to slide into that comfort zone, which is... You mean you want me to take my pants all the way off? They're around my ankles, baby. I got to take them all the way off? I got to go to work. Not the socks. I got to go to work in three hours. What do you have on the rafters of your old house?

23:32 Caller It's basically just kind of a pulley system and like a body harness.

23:36 Adam Who put that there?

23:37 Caller I did.

23:39 Adam And what are you hanging it? Are you just looping it over the rafter? Do you have like an I hook or S hook or something?

23:44 Caller Well, they look kind of like, you know, belts. It's like leather straps with buckles, and I have it between two rafters.

23:50 Drew They go over the rafters.

23:54 Adam Yeah. It would be great if this came down.

23:56 Drew You're going to need that service. That's the heavy labor, half labor, half labor, whatever you called it. What did you call that service?

24:03 Adam I'll get into that one second. Rest assured. So, okay. I don't know, Drew, what do you do? Does he get therapy?

24:13 Drew That's the only way that's going to change. Or he just let it be.

24:15 Adam Or he just keep going.

24:16 Drew Yeah. I mean, this is not going to change easily, if ever, frankly. Our concern, though, is that these things don't exist as an isolated phenomenon. It means some other aspects of his personality that might need a little bit of work, to me, it all smacks of trauma. And it's up to him if he wants to get it. If you're okay with performing in the Cat of Nine Tales and the big stage show every time you have sex, fine.

24:43 Adam I gotta tell you, to me, going through life with that fetish, like I can only have an orgasm if someone's crushing a roach in high heels while I beat off, that to me is like I'd rather just be diabetic or I'd rather have to be on dialysis or something. It's like it's just as much work. It's like every time you can't just, you know, you can't just fire up the shower and rub out a quick one before work. It's like, oh no, oh no, I need a half a day, I need a truss, I need a harness, I need a labyrinth system. Yeah, I mean this is garage door opener.

25:21 Drew Bad times.

25:22 Adam Oh, bad times. Alright, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. All right, here's a good call. Yeah. Matt. Matt's 18, likes a classmate who's a stripper.

25:49 Well, yeah.

25:50 Adam Yeah.

25:51 It was, yeah, not cool.

25:54 Drew Not cool.

25:54 Adam Yeah, you're going to junior college?

25:57 Yeah.

25:58 Adam Shocking.

26:00 Caller Funny story, my smoke detector was beeping, like just started yesterday, and I had to remove the battery before I called.

26:10 Drew You know what? We're going to sort of have an impact on the battery industry. I thought people were going to be embarrassed when they hear the smoke detectors run out to get the batteries.

26:20 Adam I, you know, we've done a lot of tracking of, the call the other night broke my heart, which was Thursday night, at the end of the night, we swore that we heard one. I mean, we just did. We just did. And the girl swore up and down she didn't have a smoke detector. And normally you'd think, well, of course you would believe the person that's standing in the room, but not the Loveline callers, because they've had, we've had that happen a few times before, and had them come around from, no, there's no smoke detector, no, I can't hear anything and you don't hear anything too. Oh, that, that's the smoke detector. Sometimes it takes a little while, but we would have gotten her and we ran out of time. Really breaks my heart, Drew. It's the one that got away. All right, but we've figured out that they chirp between 30 and 37 seconds. That's the most important thing I've learned in the last three years on this show. Go ahead, Matt.

27:18 Caller Well, me and a couple of my friends, including a friend of mine who's a girl, we all went to... They kind of like convinced me to go to a strip club that's actually not too far away from my school. And I remember being really excited to go. And then as soon as we got to the door, I became really agitated and nervous. And we walked in and suddenly, as I sat down, I felt the most asexual I've ever felt in my entire life. And when I was coming home, I couldn't even imagine a single girl, like I normally do, I couldn't even imagine a girl I would ever feel attracted to at all. Like the girl sitting across from me, normally would just give me a hard time immediately, but this time for some reason it just didn't, and it scared the, you know, whatever me.

28:09 Drew So it scared you that you went to a strip club and were turned off by it?

28:14 Caller Yeah, like I felt like I didn't, like I felt like I wasn't a guy, I felt like there was no like...

28:22 Drew Yeah, relax.

28:22 Adam Any good looking chicks there?

28:25 Caller Yeah, in fact one of them actually, I'm pretty sure goes to my school.

28:31 Adam Yeah, well all strippers go to junior college at some point in time. So.

28:36 Caller Yeah.

28:36 Adam Yeah, that's most of the population of the school. All right, so have you beat off since then?

28:43 Caller Yes, I have.

28:44 Adam All right, good boy.

28:45 Caller But it wasn't until the next day and I'm usually a three-timer a day.

28:49 Drew Well, you're fine, listen.

28:50 Adam What do you work? Really, is this really what you're calling about?

28:53 Caller Yeah, I mean, and my friend made fun of me because, I mean, I came in there with like $40 and I knew I really wanted to dance and I think about every single girl in the club came and asked me if I wanted to dance and I knew that I would have been attracted to all of them, be they outside the club.

29:11 Drew You mean strippers? We're asking you names?

29:13 Adam Yeah. Well, no, the lap dance.

29:14 Drew Oh, it goes down.

29:15 Caller It was a really nice strip.

29:17 Adam I got to describe everything to everybody. I got to describe the stuff Drew says to the callers and the stuff the callers say to Drew. Hey, Matt, how much for a lap dance at this club? $20. You know my plan, Drew, when I'm in charge? The $15 bill. Remember how I was talking about this?

29:36 Drew I'm really 12, shouldn't it be? 14?

29:40 Adam 12 is pushing it. 15. I'm convinced that now the note that you give out when you get a ride to the airport, the car picks you up, drops you, you got to tip the guy, you got to give him $20. Everything is now $20. Lap dances, $20. If there were a $15 note, you would give the guy who gave you a lift to the airport in the town car $15 and you would give the stripper $15. Doesn't sound like much, but it does add up. Absolutely.

30:14 Drew Keep more people employed that way too, huh?

30:16 Adam Yeah. I'd say we get, see 10 is too cheap for a lap dance and 10 is a little light for the tip to the airport, but the 15, Drew.

30:24 Drew You're just right.

30:24 Adam Yeah. And to me, the town car to the airport in the lap dance has probably always stayed in step. You know, back in 1976, when a lap dance was $5, the town car to the airport was a $5 tip. A hundred years from now, when a lap dance is $45, that will be the tip to the airport. You see, they always stay in step with each other.

30:46 Drew In sync.

30:47 Adam Yeah. Think about that, Drew.

30:48 Drew That's profound.

30:49 Adam Yeah. I don't know what Matt's problem was.

30:52 Drew He became panicky for some reason. He had some sort of panic attack in response to the Yeah. He was in an intense situation and sort of overwhelmed him and he became fearful of sex and women for a short period of time. Then he was back on his feet again.

31:05 Adam Matt's smoking too much weed.

31:06 Drew Could be.

31:07 Adam He's got to start drinking. Matt?

31:10 Caller Yeah?

31:10 Drew Yeah.

31:10 Adam He's smoking pot?

31:12 Caller Um, not for a really, really, really long time, like four months.

31:17 Adam Four months? But just the fact that you say really, really, really and then have it be under half a year. Okay.

31:26 Drew But you're okay now, Matt. You're all right now?

31:30 Adam He's fine. He had a little panic attack.

31:32 Drew Yeah, basically.

31:33 Adam He got a little weird on himself. He'd do that once in a while.

31:36 Drew At that age, you're like, is there something wrong with me? Is my sexuality impaired? You know, guys, at that age, they're doubting themselves.

31:44 Adam Listen, this is what TV is for. Once in a while, I start thinking, like, hey, what's going on? What about my future? What am I doing here? And then I go, ah, TV. Turn on the TV, I forget all about it. I get lost in a world of television, shiny things, lights, colors, movement. It's amazing, Drew. Christina? You're 25?

32:05 Caller That is correct.

32:07 Adam What's up?

32:11 Caller My husband and I have been married for about three years, and for the past, ever since my daughter was born, he has been having this, the only way he can orgasm is if he fantasizes or pretends that other people are like with him.

32:27 Drew How does he go about that?

32:28 Caller Well, he'll go, well, it's so weird. He'll put his fingers in my mouth and pretend like somebody else, I mean, they call him by somebody else's name, and that's the pattern.

32:41 Adam Hold on, hold on.

32:41 Drew His fingers are somebody else's penis.

32:43 Caller Yeah.

32:44 Adam Oh, somebody else's penis. So he's, well, Drew got one on me now. He'll be having sex with you and put his fingers in your mouth and be like, yeah, suck it.

32:58 Caller And it's so awkward. She says that.

33:03 Adam Yeah, it's awkward.

33:04 Caller I've like turned my head a couple of times and he's so adamant about it. Oh, Loveline.

33:13 Adam What's up with these guys? We got to get some kind of reconditioning cam for something to say to these guys.

33:19 Drew We do. They need to be reworked.

33:20 Adam They need a retread put on them. What's he doing? What trade is he in?

33:25 Caller He's in advertising.

33:27 Adam No, no.

33:29 Caller Oh, yes.

33:32 Adam What's he do? Outdoor?

33:35 Caller He's in advertising. No, not door to door or anything like that. He works for a very reputable company.

33:41 Adam It's only funny if he writes jingles.

33:44 Caller No, no. Something like that.

33:47 Adam Well, look. Here's the thing. I'm going to put her on hold because her line is bad but she can hear us. Women are sort of the custodian, referee, gatekeeper of the sexuality.

33:59 Drew Yeah, men will spin out if they let them.

34:00 Adam Everything will spin out. They'll get their mom and their sister in there, the whole camera crew.

34:06 Drew So that is a point we made, is that once you get into those fetishes, the guys are, even for that matter, if women need them, they become the focus of the sex act, to distance the intimacy, and they start needing it in order to function.

34:18 Adam Yeah, and-

34:19 Drew It's a road you don't wanna go down.

34:20 Adam And they become like- I'm going to put her on hold. Okay. I'm going to put her on hold. Okay. I'm going to put her on hold. I'm going to put her on hold. I'm going to put her on hold.

34:46 Drew Okay.

34:46 Adam I'm going to put her on hold.

34:47 Drew Okay.

34:48 Adam Okay. I'm going to put her on hold. Okay. I'm going to put her on hold. I'm going to put her on hold. I'm going to put her on hold. I'm going to put her on hold. I'm going to put her on hold.

34:57 Drew Okay.

34:58 Adam I'm going to put her on hold.

35:16 Drew I don't know if I can work or not.

35:17 Adam Well, it would work in the sense that the only kind of sex we're going to have is sort of Marcus of Queensberry sanctioned sex.

35:25 Drew Yes, parliamentary rules.

35:26 Adam So there will be none of this.

35:28 Drew And that's about all you can do.

35:29 Adam And guys can't do it, they're not going to cut you off.

35:31 Drew Right, they're workable that way. It's like, okay, all right, whatever.

35:34 Adam Yeah, although they could hop on the internet and start getting weird at some place by the airport.

35:40 Drew That's right.

35:41 Adam All right, but either way, this is what she has to do. Yeah.

35:47 Drew Yeah. I wonder if something's going on in the relationship otherwise, too.

35:51 Adam Yeah. Well, we'll never know.

35:52 Drew Has she changed anything since the baby's been delivered?

35:56 Adam He's got to go back door now. Is that what you're saying? Should we loosen up a little bit, put a couple of pounds on? Let's see. Christina? Anything changed since the baby?

36:06 Caller Other than, I mean, I've gained a couple of pounds. But it's not like anything like... I'm going to put her on hold.

36:27 Adam That's nothing. That's childbirth. Hold on. Let me do some quick math. About 15. 23 pounds you put on. That's fine. 22 pounds? You.

36:40 Caller No, about 15 pounds.

36:42 Adam Alright, baby doll.

36:43 Drew Alright, and sometimes guys get a little weird about their wife becoming mom, too. They need sort of more arousal to overcome that.

36:49 Adam I know, but so they need a gang banger?

36:51 Drew They need to get some more arousal going to overcome their ambivalent feelings.

36:55 Adam Oh, really? Yeah. Not me. I'll be just as passionate. Mom, start sucking. That's my thing. You know what I'm saying?

37:07 Drew Set up the pulleys?

37:09 Adam Yeah. Throw, yeah, it's like you're doing a goddamn barn raising every time you try to get laid with throwing a rope. You get a grappling hook, throw it over, you start scaling. Woman opens her shutters, whatever happened to that? Whatever the gag of the woman, you know, there's always something going on in the ledge of a building or some rappelling or grappling hook going up the side and always some neighbor lady or somebody lived in the building who for some reason had to open the window and air out something and then saw and screamed and slammed the window.

37:44 Drew Remember the Batman gig where the two of them were going up the building and inevitably a celebrity would open the window?

37:50 Adam Yes. It was like that too. Yeah. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Couple of pieces of business. Can't always forget to tell people to watch Crank Yankers on Tuesday nights, Comedy Central. Fantastic show. I don't plug in enough. Also, one of Drew's favorite shows, too, although he's eerily silent. The, yes, Drew?

38:25 Drew I love that show.

38:26 Adam Good times, buddy. Also, we're told by Junior, Producer, Lauren, that our Dawson's Creek re-ran tonight. And I was thinking-

38:37 Drew Triumph.

38:38 Adam It true was recounting the stories of me yelling at him the whole time we were over there that I was mad.

38:43 Drew No, we had to go to North Carolina.

38:45 Adam We had to go to North Carolina and I was just thinking about that day. We had to leave, at least I had to leave on a Sunday because we were gonna start shooting Dawson's Creek on Monday morning. And at least I was gonna start shooting Monday. I think Bruce started shooting on Tuesday. Anyway, still getting over this cold. So they said, well, we'll take, there's a 7 a.m. flight at LAX. You can catch Sunday morning. And I said, really? I gotta leave at the crack of F Sunday morning to get, basically destroys my Sunday and Saturday night for that matter because thinking about getting up at 5.30. There's no later plane I can catch. I said, well, there is one at 2 o'clock, but that's the last. Yeah, I know. That's what I said. I said, that's the last one into North Carolina. And if you miss that, you gotta pay for a charter. Because if you miss that, you gotta get on a charter because we're shooting Monday morning and you're on the shoot schedule and it's gonna cost us thousands of dollars if you're not there. So I said, oh, by all means, sign me up for the two o'clock flight. And they said, seriously, if you're not there, you're gonna have to charter a jet and that could be 10 grand. And I said, sign me up for the two o'clock because that's the way I live. And had the car come pick me up early. Car was gonna pick me up at two o'clock flight, told the car, pick me up at noon, let's play it safe. Well the LA Marathon was running that Sunday. That Sunday. And the guy, the guy called about 11.45, said he's running a couple minutes late. Then called again about 12.15, 12.30, just run a little bit late. Then at about 12.45, one o'clock, maybe called again, said, doesn't look like he's gonna make it. And I just thought, holy F, I'm gonna be paying for a chartered flight.

40:48 Drew Oh my God.

40:49 Adam He couldn't get through the city because the, you know, it's 26 miles. They could have closed off the whole god damn city. And let me say this. Run the marathon. You start the thing. It's, things starts at eight in the morning, nine in the morning. If you can finish in a respectable hour, like three or four hours, God bless you. We'll wrap the whole thing up at noon. I don't want, I don't need the stragglers waiting to come in. You know, they're personally challenging themselves because they're running for diabetes and it's gonna take them 14 hours, but God bless them if it's the last. Meanwhile, the whole city's shut down. And listen, if you can't cover a marathon in a prescribed distance of time, amount of time I should say, you ain't running a marathon. I mean, I could cover 26 miles in four days, just add it up. You know what I'm saying?

41:45 Drew Yeah, it's not running a marathon.

41:48 Adam That's right. And I understand there's special cases. He's a Vietnam Fed. This man's in his seventies. Fine. You want to challenge yourself? See how many pushups you can do in your apartment. But don't close the whole goddamn city down. Here's the marathon. Starts at eight, ends at noon. You don't make it under four hours. You didn't run a marathon. There's some pressure. But nope, the thing goes on well into the night. Still, city's closed off. I jump in my car, I'm driving every direction. Drew, picture where I live, picture LAX, and now picture a marathon going through the entire city.

42:24 Drew Did they try going through the surface streets?

42:26 Adam At first I tried to get on the freeway. There wasn't anything there. I had to double back around, get on the four or five. Driving like a man possessed. Now, I'm a maniac, right? Last words I had, that thing was them like poking me in the chest going, okay. But, if you don't make the two o'clock flight, you have to charter a private plane to take you to North Carolina. Do we understand that?

42:51 Drew Oh my God.

42:53 Oh my God.

42:55 Adam Driving, I got my wife in the car, I'm yelling. Just screaming at her.

42:59 Drew She was in the car?

43:00 Adam Yep, someone had to drive the car back. I was gonna be gone for like two weeks. Oh my God.

43:05 Oh my God.

43:07 Adam LA Marathon. Am I right? What do we give, four hours?

43:12 Drew Give them five.

43:13 Adam Five hours. Marathon, gun goes off, 8 a.m. 1 p.m. Streets are open. You wanna keep going, fine, you could get run over. It could be drive by shooting. That's it. There's your challenge. Five hours. Pros do it in two and change. You got an extra three hours to make it. If you can't, screw it.

43:35 Caller If you're gonna be walking.

43:38 Adam I did it. It took 28 hours. A big deal. Thank you. Ann?

43:44 Yeah.

43:45 Adam You're 20? You have another Florida or Germany?

43:49 Caller Yes.

43:50 Adam Go ahead.

43:53 Caller In bars, instead of doing karaoke, clubs are playing silent clips of porno movies, and the patrons get on stage and simulate sexual acts, and then they give an award to the couple that gives the hottest show.

44:12 Drew Germany.

44:13 Adam Yeah. Now, this is something, I have heard this one. I thought, Christ, I heard it and it's going to screw me up even more. I thought it was Florida because I didn't think you could get away with this in Germany, but then it was Germany.

44:28 Drew You'd actually get disrobed and act out.

44:30 Adam I don't know, but we're both going Germany.

44:35 Drew Yeah.

44:36 Adam Yeah. Germany. All right, thank you. Drew got that one right off the bat.

44:42 Drew Drew, you're batting a thousand tonight.

44:45 Adam Batting a thousand tonight? You're batting about 666 or 750 or whatever the hell you were batting last night.

44:51 Drew From a thousand last night, though.

44:52 Adam Yeah, it would have been batting a thousand, but Drew generally good at the Florida or Germany.

44:57 Caller Yeah.

44:57 Adam Very solid. Ryan?

45:01 Caller Yeah.

45:02 Adam 22, what's up?

45:05 Caller Most of the time when I go to bed, when I think about sex, before I fall asleep, I sneeze twice. And it's only when I think about sex, when I go to bed normally, I just fall asleep. I was wondering what the hell that's all about.

45:21 Drew Well, vessels dilate when you're sort of responding to a sexual impulse. Really? And one of the areas they can dilate is the surface of the nose, and that causes a little fluid to come out, and that irritates and causes a sneeze.

45:31 Adam Plus, once you tell yourself you're going to sneeze, you're going to sneeze, right?

45:35 Drew No, sneezing is not like yawning. Sneezing is not like yawning.

45:39 Adam How much of it? I know, but there's an element to that.

45:42 Drew Listen, the nitric oxide pathways and things that Viagra works through basically works by increasing flow into the penis. That's one of the ways erections occur, like things dilate.

45:53 Adam But let me say this, if you watched a film of a guy grinding a pepper while people were sneezing in the background, wouldn't get you any closer?

46:04 Drew It's not like yawning.

46:05 Adam I know, it's not like yawning, whereas yawning is just straight ahead. Monkey see, monkey do.

46:10 Drew Sneezing could get you going.

46:11 Adam Could remind you.

46:12 Drew Farting, you're more likely to fart here.

46:14 Adam Really? I was hoping to fart. Nah, I didn't do it. I'll tell you though, nothing better than answering with a fart. How you doing, Adam? Don't you agree, honey?

46:30 Caller Oh, is your wife an answer?

46:31 Drew Oh yeah.

46:32 Adam My wife said I farted on her hand the other night, in my sleep.

46:36 Drew And you said, oh honey, it's probably going to impress me.

46:39 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Jason Bateman in here tomorrow night. What's he in here for, Drew? You don't know. No. Is he in Lord of the Rings or something?

47:19 Drew Is he? The upcoming one? I don't know.

47:22 Adam Hey.

47:23 Drew Lauren.

47:23 Adam Lauren. What's Jason Bateman plugging in here?

47:25 Drew She's running, she's running.

47:26 Adam She's on the move.

47:28 Drew The Tars are coming in here next week, Jack Black next week.

47:31 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Jack Black, big star.

47:34 Caller He's on a new Fox show called Arrested Development.

47:37 Adam Oh, he's on Arrested Development. Remember we ate lunch with Jack Black about?

47:42 Drew Dinner.

47:43 Adam Oh yeah? See to me it was light outside. It was during the summer or something.

47:47 Drew It was during the summer. It was the welcome back dinner for Loveline season three or something on MTV. I remember that. Lord Keitlinger was there.

47:55 Adam Is it the French place?

47:56 Drew The Bistro Gardens.

47:57 Adam Maybe it was like a 6.30 dinner or something. Light out dinners, whatever, it felt lunchy to me.

48:03 Drew And we couldn't understand who the guy was that Laura brought.

48:06 Adam Laura Keitlinger, our very first sidekick, our second. That's right.

48:12 Drew The one that stuck.

48:13 Adam Yeah, she was there for...

48:14 Drew A couple seasons.

48:15 Adam A couple seasons. Oh, that's right. Chris McGaha was the first one. She was a nutty. Then, the second one was Laura. It was a good comedian, everything.

48:23 Drew Yeah, we went through a whole run of different people.

48:25 Adam Right, but her boyfriend is Jack Black. Has been for a number of years. So anyway, Jack Black was not really Jack Black eight years ago, whenever we had this dinner. And it was like, who's this creepy guy? And I remember her saying, he's kind of an actor, comedian. And I looked at him and I thought, he looks a little bit familiar. Maybe I've seen him in a commercial or something. But he was, everyone else, he's dressed like John Belushi in Animal House. Like it's a festive event. We're at a nice French restaurant.

48:55 Drew Yeah, I remember he had an army jacket on.

48:57 Adam Yeah.

48:58 Drew And he looked like he had a shower.

48:59 Adam He's dressed like a hobo and his hair is all greasy. And I remember thinking, here's an antisocial weird guy. Now look at him. And then I saw him later and did some MTV thing with him. And he is a nice guy and we'll be glad to him. But I wonder if you remember Sam. Oh yeah. Michelle?

49:18 Caller Hello?

49:18 Adam You're 17?

49:20 Caller Yes.

49:20 Adam What's up?

49:21 Caller I want to tell you guys I love your show first off.

49:23 Adam Thank you.

49:26 Caller I wanted to know, this is for Dr. Drew actually, can you block things out of your memory when you're little?

49:33 Drew Yeah, there are things that can happen to you that if they're traumatizing or overwhelming will leave what are called implicit memories or imprints on how your brain works, but there may not be an explicit memory, you may not have an image of what happened. There may be just remnant changes in terms of how you relate to people or how you react to frightening situations, things like that.

49:53 Caller Well, my parents divorced when I was like seven or eight and I hadn't seen my dad in like ten years and last Memorial Weekend out at the lake we just ran into each other like in the middle, well my ex-boyfriend actually like met him and then I don't know we had this big reunion and everything.

50:12 Adam Wait a minute, wait a minute, you just ran into him?

50:16 Caller Well, see we were out at Memorial Weekend and we were all partying and stuff and then my ex-boyfriend like you're somewhere on campsites you know and you meet other people, well he was looking for a cigarette and he was like...

50:26 Adam Yeah, and by the way I'm the guy at the campsite that wants you to get out of my effing campsite.

50:32 Caller Yeah, that was...

50:33 Adam Hey dude, hey camp neighbor, you got any more of them tall boys or smokes? How about some marshmallows? Let me tell you, you can't camp anymore because there's just too much white trash that gets loaded and stumbles into your campsite and tries to do a... they want to hang out, ugh.

50:50 Drew But I want to know how it goes down to your boyfriend.

50:53 Caller I just wanted a cigarette.

50:54 Drew Yeah, but I want to understand how he goes looking for cigarettes and goes, hey, hey, you look like Michelle's dad.

50:59 Caller No, I wasn't even like that. They started talking or whatever because at first my dad's girlfriend was...

51:04 Adam I'm nailing this righteous piece of ass named Michelle, just did her by the creek, going to be doing her in the tent later, you got a daughter named Michelle?

51:13 Drew Wow!

51:14 Caller No, that's not even how it was.

51:16 Adam How'd it go?

51:17 Caller Anyways, they started talking and he's like, yeah, so where are you from? And he's like, oh, I'm from Roseville. And he's like, really? I have a daughter that goes to Roseville High. And he's like, oh really? What's her name? And he was like, Michelle. And then he said my last name. And then he's like, well, it might be changed now, but this is what it used to be. It might be wooden now. And so, I don't know.

51:37 Adam Did he bring him back to your camp?

51:40 Caller Yeah, well, he came back and I was like passed out. And he woke me up and he told me, and I didn't believe him at first, I was like, shut up, shut up. I'm drunk, you know.

51:51 Drew Oh my God. Michelle, I have a feeling Michelle is like, I got a healthy dose of the translucent.

51:57 Adam White trash. Is her boyfriend's got to go camping.

52:01 Drew She's 16, 17. She's loaded and screaming the F word at her boyfriend. He just tries to rouse her at 8 o'clock at night.

52:10 Adam By the way, this is one of the tell-tale signs. This is how you know you're white trash. When someone tries to wake you up and you start cussing at them and throwing stuff, like you throw your teeth at them or something, it's like, Maw, get up. You know when you start doing that? Instead of being able to process information, like what's the problem? Is there something wrong? What's going on? That's how you know you're stupid and or white trash. We don't want to get up. People are shaking and going, the trailer is on fire. You start throwing them. Yeah, you pick up and throw a Jack Daniels bottle at them.

52:48 Drew I figure Michelle actually was not even at the lake, she was at the river.

52:51 Adam Oh, really? Well, now that's albino trash. That's unfair to white trash. Michelle?

52:59 Caller Yes?

53:00 Adam Were you at the lake or at the river?

53:02 Caller No, I was at the lake.

53:04 Adam Okay, so you're just white trash?

53:06 Caller No.

53:07 Adam Oh, okay. Now, your boyfriend, now how old is he?

53:10 Caller He was my boyfriend and he's 18.

53:13 Adam 18. Okay, so he woke you up.

53:17 Caller Mm-hmm.

53:17 Adam And your dad, your dad was there?

53:20 Caller Yeah.

53:20 Caller And then he went down there.

53:22 Adam Well, hold on, your dad who you haven't seen for ten years?

53:25 Caller Yes.

53:27 Adam So you were seven the last time you saw him.

53:29 Caller Yes.

53:30 Adam But he's kept in touch?

53:32 Caller No, because it's kind of, I think my mom kept me from him. Why? I'm not really sure why. She thinks that I was sexually abused when I was little.

53:44 Drew That would be the why.

53:45 Adam Who's your dad camping with, by the way?

53:50 Caller Some of your family? No, not my family on my mom's side, but my family's.

54:03 Drew My mom's. My mom's. My mom's. My mom's. My mom's. My mom's. People you had met before?

54:09 Caller Yes.

54:11 Caller I remember, I have such a good memory of things when I was little, so that's why it's so hard for me to believe that that kind of thing went on.

54:19 Adam All right. So was your mom sexually abused by her dad?

54:23 Caller Yes.

54:24 Caller Not by her dad, but one of my grandma's boyfriends or something.

54:27 Drew Oh boy. Well, it goes both ways with that one.

54:45 Adam My mom's.

54:46 Drew My mom's.

54:47 Adam My mom's.

54:47 Drew My mom's. My mom's. My mom's.

54:49 Adam My mom's.

54:50 My mom's. My mom's.

54:55 Adam What are you doing right now? Nothing.

54:59 Drew Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. Don't let her get away with that.

55:01 Adam What do you mean nothing? What do you mean nothing? I'm just going to hang up on her.

55:04 Drew Don't hang up on her.

55:05 Adam I want to know what you're doing. What do you mean nothing?

55:07 Caller What are you doing?

55:09 Adam You're just sitting on your bed or?

55:14 Caller Okay. You're just trying to...

55:16 Adam You might not let you smoke in your room?

55:19 Caller Yeah. Right now, yeah, because my books, my parents smoke.

55:24 Adam Remember asking back to the hee-haw white trash? Come on, baby. You got to admit you're white trash, right?

55:31 Caller I'm not white trash.

55:33 Adam What? Are you in high school now?

55:34 Caller I'm in high school. I get good grades. I have a job.

55:38 Adam You do?

55:38 Caller Yes.

55:39 Adam Wait. Are you going to go to college? Where are you going?

55:43 Caller I'm going to go to SIA for a year and figure out what I want to do and then I want to go to Sac State or, I don't know, somewhere big.

55:51 Drew You'll go up to Sac State.

55:53 Adam You're eventually going to get to Sac State? Uh-huh. Alright. Alright. Listen, baby doll. Let's just assume you weren't molested. But don't get pregnant.

56:06 Alright.

56:07 Drew She still has a fair amount of hostility.

56:09 Adam I know. She is angry. She does a sort of angry part. Yeah. She's a great student.

56:19 Drew You know, it's funny. We were both depleted by talking to her.

56:22 Adam Yeah. You're just like, uh, yeah, who cares?

56:27 Drew It's a shame.

56:27 Adam Well, look, all I just, just don't get pregnant. And that's got to be nice. You're running a dad. You haven't seen him since you were seven. Hey, you. Uh, hey, uh, you still in Alvin and the Chipmunks? Uh, no, dad, that was, that was 1989.

56:43 Drew I kind of got the feeling that dad might be the nice guy that mom couldn't handle. She made him into the abuser.

56:49 Adam Yeah, but why is dad not around for ten years?

56:52 Drew Because this mom must be really seriously nutty. And he just had to get out of there, you know, probably feels regrets it. Although he's hanging out at the lake.

57:01 Adam It's nice.

57:02 Drew It's nice.

57:02 Adam You know, a seventeen year old sparks up a, sparks up a cigarette in a room all night. Hey, got any butts, mom? It's nice when you can share hobbies with your parents, you know? Your dad's a doctor? You're a doctor. Your dad's a three-pack-a-dare? She's a three-pack-a-dare. That's great. It's wonderful. It's something that's handed down from generation to generation. Mara? Mara?

57:30 Yeah.

57:31 Adam What is it?

57:32 All right.

57:32 Well...

57:33 Adam Is it Mara or Mara?

57:34 Mara.

57:36 Adam What's up, Mara?

57:38 Well, I've known this guy for a few years, actually, but we kind of became friends about a year ago, and actually, he's a really geeky guy. I'm talking chess, money, so... And, well, I've got a pretty good friendship with him.

57:56 Adam Wait a minute, you're 15. How old is he?

58:00 Caller 15.

58:02 Adam He's 15. His parents have a lot of money?

58:04 Caller Yeah.

58:06 Adam That's the same as you having a lot of money when you're 15. Absolutely. Listen, I used to try to hang around people who had a few bucks, too. They'd have money to eat, and they would have cars. Those were the two big things. Friends that had money would actually have food. They had money. If you went to McDonald's, they could buy you something, and then they had the car to get you there. Those are two big issues. Alright. Are you into the guy?

58:35 Caller But the thing is, I'm not sure if he's into me, and if I went for it with him, I wouldn't want to mess up any kind of...

58:45 Drew She almost looked it out.

58:46 Adam She almost dropped it.

58:48 Drew The S-bomb and the F-bomb, but she caught herself.

58:51 Adam I don't know if that F-bomb sounded... Certainly wasn't a person that heard it that didn't think it was... Didn't remind them of the F-bomb there, right?

59:05 Drew So anyway, she wants to know, should she go for it? He'll be amazed.

59:10 Adam I'm sort of angry at Mara for almost the S, and then she caught herself. It's like, alright, we straightened that out. Now I'm going to drop the F. They just really can't put it. Like, what happens when you're talking to the principal at school, or the cops want to question you?

59:28 Drew Or let's say... Consider it a compliment. You're not the man. They don't feel like they're talking to the man.

59:32 Adam Let's say, like, if you went on a game show, and like, Bob Barker said, what are you going to do if you win the Dynette? Dynette said, I'm going to F in a party like it's Mother F in 1997. Really? Like, do you not know where you are? I mean, this is... Drew, I always say this is the difference between smart and stupid. You just don't know where you are. No matter what you do, you can't contain it. Mara? Yeah? You can go ahead and date the guy.

1:00:08 Caller Well, there's like another thing going on with that.

1:00:11 Adam Now speak very slowly so you don't drop an F or S bomb.

1:00:16 Caller Well, I always end up with the guys that are really horrible. Like, they pretty much use girls a lot. And they're just in it for fun.

1:00:30 Adam Yeah.

1:00:31 Caller And, well, also if you have lied to me and stolen money from me and stuff.

1:00:36 Caller Well, this guy, I think he's lying.

1:00:38 Adam How much money do you have at 15?

1:00:40 Caller Not much. And that's why I get mad when people steal money from me. Because $10 is a lot to me.

1:00:46 Adam That's a never satisfactory answer. So really, $10? Yeah. They reach into your purse and steal it?

1:00:54 Caller No. Like, go up to my room and steal it.

1:00:59 Adam All right. Well, these are bad guys.

1:01:01 Caller Yeah. Well, this guy, he told me that he's not going out with anyone. And well, I've talked to his friends and some of my friends that go to his school, and they say that he's dating this girl. It's an ugly girl, but it's a girl. And I'm not sure that I want to get into another type of thing like that.

1:01:24 Adam Well, I'll tell you what, you've had some bad luck with guys and you're only 15 years old.

1:01:29 Caller Yeah.

1:01:30 Adam Maybe you give yourself a little break.

1:01:32 Drew No guys for a couple years.

1:01:34 Adam Well, a couple months at least.

1:01:36 Caller Yeah.

1:01:37 Adam Pull yourself, pull out.

1:01:39 Drew So to speak.

1:01:39 Adam Pull out of that race. Take it easy.

1:01:45 Caller Yeah.

1:01:45 Adam Yeah, can you do that?

1:01:47 Caller Yeah.

1:01:48 Adam All right, then do that. Listen, everybody, if things aren't working out too good, like in the application part, go back to school. If you're trying to do something and it's not really working out, stop doing it for a little while. Get your bearings straight. Learn a few more things about it.

1:02:06 Drew The whole idea of just being alone for a while. You learn a lot.

1:02:09 Adam Yeah. I just think the more, well, women have more trouble, the more a woman's dad or a young girl's dad wasn't there, and whatever, the less they can do that. You know what I'm saying?

1:02:22 Drew The less they can be alone. Yeah.

1:02:25 Adam My sister, I think my sister had a boyfriend from the age of like 13 to like the time she got married. She had a boyfriend like, she would, they're back to back. They're like butted up against each other. Probably overlapping. But I mean, it's just like being a two year relationship, going to a two year relationship, going to a three year relationship, going to a two year relationship. And they're always, I mean, just, they were just always, always a boyfriend. They never stop. Because I think that's because my dad wasn't around that much. Or she wasn't around. Shiver was. She actually split from him, I think. All right, because good times. True.

1:03:06 Drew Just thinking years past, that would have been five different marriages.

1:03:10 Adam Oh, 25. All right, let's talk to Alex. He's 21. Alex?

1:03:16 Caller Yes.

1:03:17 Adam What's up?

1:03:17 Caller I called about, I don't know, three or four weeks ago. I'm going to talk to the guys. I came back from Iraq and I had the combat PTSD. You guys said, Adam, you were kind of just totally in A, holding me in, and I loved it.

1:03:36 Adam Oh, well, I was not.

1:03:38 Caller No one else could have told me anything. And so I heard from you guys. I don't think I had a drinking problem before, but I was still drinking. And you told me to just knock it off all together and I did. And it drastically changed everything. So I would like to thank you guys for telling me to stop drinking. Yeah.

1:04:04 Adam Hey, you're calling from... Speaking of a post-traumatic stress disorder, I have that. Drew diagnosed me as that.

1:04:14 Drew Yes, heat induced.

1:04:15 Adam Heat induced. Am I right? I do have that. I grew up with such a sack of incredible goddamn losers that nobody had air conditioning in their car or their house or anything. We grew up in the Valley. I played football for ten years back when they thought water was bad for you.

1:04:32 Drew Bad for football players, yeah.

1:04:34 Adam Bad for everybody, I think. People who exercise could not drink water. They're going to cramp up. My whole childhood, all I could think about is just wearing pads and a helmet and dying out in the sun while some a-hole blue whistle and then going home and dying in a crappy house with no air. Now when heat comes, I go out of my mind. You're calling from Seattle. What's the temperature like there?

1:04:59 Caller Right now, it's in the 50s. When we were in Iraq, we hit 142 at peak.

1:05:08 Adam Really?

1:05:08 Caller What?

1:05:09 Adam Is there any more evidence that God is punishing those people? Is there any greater example of the Lord imposing His will on a people than saying, yes, your land? There will be no plants. There will be no water. There will be no wildlife. Here is what you get. You get 140 degrees. We will give you a sandstorm and some scorpions.

1:05:33 Drew He said 140.

1:05:34 Adam 140.

1:05:35 Drew Were you in a tank or something?

1:05:38 Adam No.

1:05:38 Caller This is out in the middle of the sun. 142.

1:05:42 Drew I have never heard of that.

1:05:44 Adam 140.

1:05:45 Caller The water was boiling in our containers. It is like you see somebody walking around. One of the locals is just wandering around in the middle of the desert. There is no water anywhere.

1:05:59 Adam I don't blame those people. Of course, you see how angry I have been over the last two weeks? These people. It is in the 90s. I can barely contain myself. I am about to just ram people in my car. That is why these people, their brains are fried. That is what it is. We have to start air conditioning that place. Give them a Chia Pet. Give them like an avocado pit. You know with the toothpicks in it in the water. Grows a little vine there. We got to grow something over there. All that sand and sun is fried to people's brains. They are going insane.

1:06:31 Drew 140. I have been 115, 116 and I thought that was incredible.

1:06:36 Adam I have probably been in like 120, 122.

1:06:38 Drew 140 is equivalent in terms of survivability to 50 below zero.

1:06:45 Adam Yeah, you know what I am saying.

1:06:46 Drew It is 40 degrees away from 100.

1:06:49 Adam Okay, well I guess we are lucky. It is only into the high 90s, low 100s out here. It is cool, it is bombing. All right, so Alex, you are feeling better?

1:06:58 Caller I am.

1:07:00 Caller Everything has totally changed for me.

1:07:01 Adam And you said you didn't see combat over there, did you?

1:07:08 Caller Yes, I did.

1:07:09 Adam What did you do?

1:07:09 Caller I was the driver.

1:07:12 Adam A tank driver or what did you drive?

1:07:16 Caller Just a big vehicle driver.

1:07:18 Adam Oh really? What kind of big vehicles?

1:07:22 Caller Seven tons, five tons, Humvees.

1:07:25 Adam Just moving around troops and equipment?

1:07:28 Caller Right.

1:07:29 Adam All right, so you guys saw some action?

1:07:32 Caller Yeah. I had a few accidents and stuff like that.

1:07:37 Adam Just hotter than hell out there?

1:07:40 Caller Yeah.

1:07:41 Adam All right, all good. So you have stopped drinking. A real success story.

1:07:45 Drew The alcohol will make the PTSD symptoms worse, so that's good.

1:07:49 Adam I got the the month of the Holy Holy Month of Ramadan coming up. But by the way, you religious nut nut tarts over there need an entire month. Isn't your whole life just about facing Mecca and squatting down on your knees? Is that isn't your whole life? Really got to set like it's like, hey, hey, hey, Drew. Yeah. For me, I declare February official jack off month. That's where I really beat off. Like, haven't you been beaten off your whole life? Is it sort of sort of your life? And if you're going to be on February, February, that's when I really doubled down on the jacket.

1:08:26 Drew Maybe I even do more. Just pay attention to it.

1:08:28 Adam Holy month jacking for me. You guys don't get enough religion over there. You got some guy blowing a conch at five every morning, waking everyone up, reminding them to get down on their knees and bend Allah. And you guys got set a month apart. Set this month aside. I think it would be a great mood over there, by the way. Fasting all day. It would be delightful.

1:08:50 Drew And the heat.

1:08:51 Adam Yeah, it's 140. I've missed breakfast and lunch. I'm in a great mood. Fantastic. Allah has been so generous with those people, by the way. So generous. It's now time to give something back. It all makes sense. It makes perfect sense. And here's what I like. We got Tiptoe around it. It's their month. It's Ramadan. It's their month. We got we got to take it easy. Take it easy on them. You got to observe certain things. Don't do this. Don't do that. Here's what I'm wondering. Let's just say. Let's say they took over here. Let's just say they are occupying the United States. Hey, yeah, Abdullah, Easter is pretty important to us. You guys can't take it easy. Is it Lay Low on Easter and Yom Kippur and Christmas and Flag Day? We need you to lay low. And then you explain to your troops that you need certain sensitivity toward us on Easter. Yeah, you think that would happen? I just figured they'd be effing our wives and girlfriends right now, walking around with our heads on a stick. What did you think? Do you think that way is a more likely scenario? A little more likely? I think so. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be right back. 1-800-LOVE-191 Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Again, I know it's the holy month of Ramadan over there in the Middle East. Everyone, again, just picture them as an invading force in this country, and close your eyes. Picture us explaining to them about how Easter works. Yeah, that's when our God, so we, you're into Allah. You see, no, no, we're not into that. We're not into your God. It's not, not into our, how long before they cut your head off, by the way? Now see, our guy's called Jesus Christ, and Easter, I think it's when he, is that when he resurrects? Is that when he, yeah, that's when we believe, well, actually we kind of know, that our God, our God, he go, oh, you think they're just gonna stand back? Oh, okay, fantastic. Well, we'll teach you some. I mean, that's what makes this world so great. And I know a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of the P-whipped people out there saying, well, they wouldn't be in our country. Yeah, they would if they could. You kidding me? Please. If they had, if they had our army and we had their army, they would have been here years ago. Hell yeah. It would have been like playing of the apes. It'd be cracking the whip. We'd be all enslaved. And you know, when you become a slave, you can't wear like sweatpants and a T-shirt. You gotta wear like a slave outfit. Yeah, wear like a leather tunic. And then like a studded strap that goes across your back and sandals. And then, and your back has to be open. So when they whip it, we can see the whip marks on there. Yeah, yeah.

1:11:55 Drew The slave outfit.

1:11:56 Adam Yeah, they'd have our, they'd have our military, all the force and might of our military. We had their military. Yeah, they wouldn't, they wouldn't come out this way. No, they'd just stay on their own ashtray. Own little ashtray with the sidewinders. That's right, they got the sidewinders and a couple of, couple of tarantulas. That's a good.

1:12:17 Drew Hey, we need some more Germany or Florida questions. A couple more of those.

1:12:21 Adam Amy?

1:12:22 Caller Yeah.

1:12:23 Adam You're 24?

1:12:24 Caller Yeah.

1:12:24 Adam What's up?

1:12:26 Caller When I was in high school and in college, I did kind of a lot of drugs and now that I'm a little bit older, I can only feel the effects. And I was wondering if it's at all reversible or if there's anything that I can do to be how I was before I did all the drugs.

1:12:39 Drew What's your primary drug?

1:12:41 Caller Well, I smoked a lot of pot, but I'm more concerned about the ecstasy and the acid.

1:12:45 Drew Yeah, the ecstasy, how much ecstasy did you do?

1:12:49 Caller Maybe like 15 pills.

1:12:52 Drew And how long ago did you stop smoking pot?

1:12:54 Caller About six months ago.

1:12:56 Drew The pot should be reversed after about six months. No speed?

1:13:01 Caller A tiny bit, but not enough to be worried about, I don't think. I didn't get a lot of ecstasy, well, 15, I don't know if you can consider that a lot or not.

1:13:11 Drew Well, 20 is, 15 you're getting there.

1:13:14 Adam Nah, do you know it's 15?

1:13:16 Caller About there, I mean, somewhere between 15 and 20.

1:13:19 Adam You should be fine.

1:13:21 Drew Well, really, around 20 is where I start to see problems most commonly, and the kinds of problems we see are memory difficulties and mood disturbance.

1:13:29 Caller Yeah, I have that.

1:13:30 Drew Yeah, and that is a permanent problem.

1:13:33 Caller So there's no way to restore my memory at all, you don't think?

1:13:36 Drew Well, there's a way to restore the mood with a mood medication, and sometimes that helps with your concentration.

1:13:41 Adam Oh, what about this, though? Doesn't everyone sort of spaz out with their memory? Doesn't everyone think they have a bad memory?

1:13:47 Drew At 19?

1:13:48 Adam No, she's, how old is she? 24?

1:13:51 Drew 24.

1:13:52 Adam Ah, just me when I was 24. Whatever, my whole life, you know, you can't think of stuff.

1:13:58 Drew The problem, though, is that the memory stuff that's measured from speed and ecstasy is quite substantial. It's really a measurable drop, and my patients complain about it a lot. It's like a short-term memory. They can't find their keys. The learning is difficult.

1:14:12 Caller And you don't think that'll ever come back?

1:14:14 Drew You have to kind of compensate for it. You know, you have to learn to learn.

1:14:18 Adam What about energizing your brain or working out a little by doing some math equations or something like that?

1:14:24 Caller I'm not doing math equations, but I'm kind of trying to read more, like read the newspaper more and educate myself and learn a little more, but it doesn't work that well.

1:14:32 Adam Well, I'll tell you, if you listen to the show and you start listening to the Florida or Germany segment, I think that can really educate you.

1:14:39 Drew But it will get better. It will get better, Amy.

1:14:41 Caller Okay, how long do you think it'll take?

1:14:43 Drew Well, no, it's not gonna be the way it was, but it will get better because you're gonna work at it.

1:14:47 Caller Right. Do you think I'll ever be as smart as I could have been?

1:14:52 Drew That's hard.

1:14:53 Adam What were you gonna do anyway? What was your plan?

1:14:56 Caller I don't really have one right now.

1:14:59 Adam Well, what are you missing? You weren't gonna do anything.

1:15:02 Drew And it really, it's a memory too. It's not cognition.

1:15:05 Adam What are you doing right now? Are you working?

1:15:08 Caller Yeah, well, I just graduated college, so I'm not working. I'm looking for a job right now.

1:15:12 Adam Where'd you graduate?

1:15:13 Caller Right now.

1:15:13 UC Davis.

1:15:14 Adam UC Davis? That's a decent school.

1:15:17 Yeah.

1:15:18 Adam What was your major?

1:15:19 Caller Well, design.

1:15:20 Adam All right. So you wanna do dresses or something?

1:15:25 Caller I designed some clothes and other weird assignments that they gave us.

1:15:29 Adam Yeah. Was that what you wanna do?

1:15:31 Caller It was at first, not anymore. I'd kinda like to do something that's a little more meaningful, I guess.

1:15:39 Adam Good times.

1:15:40 Caller Thanks.

1:15:40 Adam Yeah, it should be fine. I just say, you know, some of this drug stuff is damaged from the drug. And the other part, I think, is people getting inside their head a little bit and freaking themselves out.

1:15:51 Drew All I know is we do the tests and it measures out quite substantially.

1:15:54 Adam You're freaking them out, dude. And also, man, there are days when things aren't working as well as other days. I wonder how that works.

1:16:03 Drew Yeah, that is interesting, particularly with expressing yourself with language and things. Isn't that interesting?

1:16:08 Adam Yes. Yeah. I don't know what's up with that.

1:16:10 Drew Well, I think you and I notice it because we have to do it right on the radio. And sometimes things come, and I do it when I'm speaking publicly. Sometimes things just flow out very clearly and sometimes I can't make sense.

1:16:19 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:16:20 Drew No, I know.

1:16:21 Adam Sometimes you're funny and sometimes you're not. I don't know how that works. Yeah. Drew told, when were you funny, Drew? Were you ever funny?

1:16:33 Drew No.

1:16:34 Adam But Drew likes to laugh.

1:16:36 Drew Yeah.

1:16:36 Adam That's what I love about Drew. Josh. And that he's a man of extreme passion.

1:16:43 Drew Laughter and passion. That's what it's about, man.

1:16:45 Adam Josh, you're 19.

1:16:47 Caller Yep.

1:16:47 Adam What's up?

1:16:48 Caller I was wondering if the way that my parents disciplined me growing up could affect how I act, I guess, today.

1:16:54 Adam Absolutely not.

1:16:56 Caller Not?

1:16:57 Adam What happened? What did they do to you?

1:17:00 Caller Well, I was like a bad, wetter cleric for like seven or eight years old. I guess they kind of got fed up with it. I mean, I couldn't really change what I'd hit, but they would rub whatever I did the night before in my face the next day.

1:17:15 Adam Yeah, what would they do? They would ridicule you?

1:17:18 Drew They actually rubbed his face in it.

1:17:21 Adam Oh, really? Rubbed your face in your own urine?

1:17:24 Caller Urine and anything else that came out, yeah.

1:17:28 Adam Oh, you know, you don't, you hear about the bedwetters, you don't hear about the number two that often. You drop a biscuit in your bed?

1:17:40 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:17:41 Adam Really?

1:17:41 Caller I don't know how it happened, it just did.

1:17:45 Drew And copresis.

1:17:46 Adam How often would that happen?

1:17:49 Caller Most, I guess, a lot of nights out of the week, and then I don't know what happened, I don't even remember when.

1:17:55 Adam Well, how old were you when you duped in the bed?

1:17:58 Caller I'd say up to about seven or eight years old.

1:18:01 Drew All right, well, that's not them discipline you, and that's not them being fed up with you. That is them being over-the-top, abusive people. Over-the-top, out of control abuse.

1:18:13 Caller Because I never really saw them, is that, I mean, they were-

1:18:15 Drew Well, let me tell you, that's the- No, no, they weren't, they may have had their moments.

1:18:20 Adam What else did they do? Did they hit you with a belt or anything like that?

1:18:24 Caller Oh, yeah, just, I mean, not very often. That probably happened like twice in my life.

1:18:30 Adam You're calling from Colorado. What's the temperature out right now?

1:18:33 Caller All right, I think it's like 40, 45.

1:18:36 Adam Oh, look at the rest of the country. You're turning the page. Get to have a season.

1:18:41 Drew Why are you doing that to us?

1:18:42 Adam It must be nice, you just get to have seasons. We just get hot, dry air blowing through our ass cheeks. Tired just nine months out of the year, that's all we get. All right, so your parents were tough on you and that screwed with your self-esteem.

1:18:59 Drew I'd imagine not only would you have low self-esteem, but you'd have trouble sort of even getting along. You fight a lot and get in trouble a lot, that kind of thing.

1:19:07 Caller Yeah, I also wondered, like whenever I'm intimate with any girls, like somebody I've just met or something, like sitting on the couch watching a movie, I'll have to get up like every five minutes and go to the bathroom. I didn't know if that was part of it.

1:19:23 Adam A little nervous, a little nervous bladder.

1:19:26 Caller Yeah.

1:19:27 Adam Now what do you do now? Construction? You're going to college? What college?

1:19:33 Caller I'd rather not say, you know where to leave that.

1:19:37 Adam Yeah? It's in Colorado?

1:19:39 Caller Yeah.

1:19:40 Adam All right, so listen, oh, 40s, it's in the 40s. Like if you went outside right now, you could see your breath, right? You got a little steam out of your mouth? Oh, that's nice. Imagine that, Drew. You ever see that?

1:19:54 Drew I've seen movies. I kind of remember.

1:19:55 Adam I've seen it in movies once.

1:19:57 Drew Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember I think I've seen it.

1:19:59 Adam I think I went to the snow when I was a kid and I saw that once.

1:20:01 Drew It's been so long now with the heat.

1:20:03 Adam All right, maybe Josh got to get a little therapy.

1:20:06 Drew Yeah, Josh is going to have some issues. I mean, if he doesn't have real antisocial qualities about him, I'd be surprised.

1:20:14 Adam He sounds all right, but yeah, he's the kind of guy who has a few drinks and then goes nuts on somebody.

1:20:18 Drew Yeah.

1:20:19 Adam Also, here's the thing. I was thinking about this a lot today because they were talking about the profile of the arsonist and they were saying that there were bedwetters who, which I take great umbrage with that. I do take exception to that, Drew. That's an attack on my people. That, that they're bedwetters, that they tortured pets and animals. And by the way, let's just, here's the deal. You see some 11 year old trying to force an M80 up a squirrel's ass. Let's go ahead and mark that kid. Let's keep an eye on him. Just tag him, keep an eye on him. You have to wait for him to stab some coed with some scissors while he rapes the gash he put in her neck some 10 years later. Can we just go ahead and keep an eye on him? That's all. And the other one was some antisocial thing. I can't remember what the hell it was, but it made me think about it. And then it made me think about me wetting the bed and how to get rid of it, which is set your alarms, everybody. Don't-

1:21:30 Drew That you're gonna talk about your antisocial qualities.

1:21:31 Adam No, don't use your clock alarm. Get one of those timers.

1:21:37 Drew Egg timers.

1:21:38 Adam Just the kitchen timer. Just a little digital kitchen alarm clock. It's for putting the pastries in the oven for 33 minutes or whatever. Just press a couple hours. When it goes off in the middle of the night, get up and take a leak. I guarantee you won't wet your bed.

1:21:55 Drew Thank you.

1:21:56 Adam Thank you. And now Drew says this science is back me up on this, right?

1:22:00 Drew Yep.

1:22:00 Adam What do they call that thing? I got some device that costs the- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, what's it, what's it cost? Costs HMOs $750 for one unit? Yes. Yeah, okay. Drew, why don't you tell me you read an article or something about it?

1:22:15 Drew Yeah, no, and I can't, I brought it in to tell you you've been vindicated.

1:22:17 Adam Thank you.

1:22:18 Drew We're gonna break.

1:22:19 Adam All right, we'll be right back.

1:22:31 Caller Love, Love, Live, Love Learn, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:22:53 Adam Hello, it's Loveline. Now, I'm Adam, the smart one. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Jason Bateman is gonna be in here tomorrow night, and we'll hop back to the phone.

1:23:09 Drew Feeling of resentment, Umbridge.

1:23:13 Adam We're looking up Umbridge. What else does it say? Just a feeling of resentment?

1:23:17 Drew Yeah.

1:23:19 Adam Well, then I used it the right way.

1:23:20 Drew An indistinct indication, vague or peak or resentment, often at some fancied slight or insult.

1:23:27 Adam Yes, okay. So it's like, um...

1:23:30 Drew I take exception to that.

1:23:31 Adam You take exception, yeah. I was laughing at the work today because we always do that back in the day when you were insulted, you would say, good day. You would say, and then you would say, I said good day. And that was the ultimate slap in the face. Good day, sir. What? I said good day. Now you might have to duel because the guy said good day. Right. Sarah?

1:23:56 Yes?

1:23:56 Adam Good day.

1:23:57 Caller I said good day, sir.

1:24:01 Adam What's happening?

1:24:04 That's my problem.

1:24:05 Adam Yeah. You're 25. You've never orgasmed?

1:24:08 Caller Never.

1:24:10 Adam Never by yourself? Never with a guy?

1:24:12 Caller Never.

1:24:13 Adam What about no oral sex, anything?

1:24:17 Caller Oral sex actually is kind of annoying to me.

1:24:22 Adam All right. So you've never had one through oral sex?

1:24:25 Caller No.

1:24:26 Adam Wow.

1:24:29 Drew You on medication?

1:24:30 Caller No.

1:24:30 Drew Do you have any medical problems?

1:24:33 Caller No.

1:24:35 Adam Any abuse?

1:24:36 Caller No. You just... I'm a pretty normal person. Or, well, I don't know.

1:24:42 Adam You just got one of those slot machines that doesn't pay off.

1:24:45 Caller Yeah.

1:24:46 Adam Well, it's true. It's like some slots are looser than others.

1:24:50 Drew Oh, God.

1:24:51 Adam And she's just one that doesn't matter how many nickels you feed into it, it's just never going to pay off.

1:24:56 Caller I think so because I, you know, I masturbate and I've been doing that.

1:25:01 Adam Believe me, I've dated a few of those slot machines.

1:25:04 Drew You masturbate and nothing happens, huh?

1:25:06 Caller Um, no, I mean, I come somewhat close, but it never pays off.

1:25:12 Drew Are you, do you menstruate normally?

1:25:14 Caller Yes.

1:25:14 Drew Are you normal weight?

1:25:16 Caller Normal weight.

1:25:16 Drew Do you have any other problems, eating disorders, anything like that?

1:25:20 Caller No.

1:25:21 Drew You have relationships?

1:25:23 Caller I haven't had a relationship in two years.

1:25:27 Adam Why not?

1:25:28 Caller I just haven't found someone I was that interested in.

1:25:32 Adam You're not depressed?

1:25:34 Caller No.

1:25:36 Adam That's just I mean, okay, so how about a vibrator?

1:25:44 Caller I have one.

1:25:45 Adam Yeah.

1:25:47 Caller The only way I come close to it is through penetration.

1:25:53 Adam Do you enjoy sex?

1:25:54 Caller Yes, very much.

1:25:57 Adam Look, just find a guy and fall in love.

1:26:00 Drew Yeah, might do it.

1:26:01 Adam Well, here's the thing. Drew, tell me if you think I'm off base here. But, you know, I talk about this all the time where we say, look, some people are tall, some people are short, some people are fat, some people are thin. I think we do way too much as a society to explore these things. And then we write books, you know, how to have an orgasm, how to lose the weight, how to this, how to that. The people that don't have the orgasms, to me, that's almost as determined as, you know, from a predisposition standpoint, is the color of your eyes or your height. I mean, it just seems like there's a percentage of women that are multi-orgasmic and there are those who just don't have orgasms.

1:26:47 Drew There are guys that are too quick and those that can't after two hours.

1:26:51 Adam Guys bust a nut in 10 seconds and guys who don't do it for 10 hours. Is there, how much of that can we change? Do you know what I mean?

1:27:02 Drew Even if you were able to sort of determine how it gets wired in, if it's some sort of gene environment interaction that results in that wiring, you probably aren't gonna unwire it.

1:27:14 Adam So she enjoys guys, she enjoys sex.

1:27:18 Drew So that whole experience of receptivity that women have, I don't think enough is made of. Cause a guy, if he were not having an orgasm, he would not be enjoying sex. Right. While women have this sort of receptive experience, the estrogen-based feeling of receptivity being a sexually gratifying experience. And that's something we don't even, it's not in our lexicon, we can't understand it.

1:27:40 Adam It's sort of why they can watch soaps. Because guys are like, what's going on with this? And they're like, well, there's Dr. Dex Rexler, and he's dating Nurse Tammy. And it's like, are these people real? No, no, no, these are just actors. You're going to a convention? Like how into something can you get where there's really nothing in it for you?

1:28:03 Drew Certainly.

1:28:03 Adam Although guys have sports and the rotisserie, baseball and all this nonsense.

1:28:07 Drew Well, similar parts of the brain light up with guys when they're thinking and looking at sex as women when they're having emotionally significant conversation.

1:28:14 Adam You know, everybody I work with over at the Kimmel Show, it's this whole, all the writers are just a bunch of nerds. Super. Super But they're all in all that rotisserie, they all have the fantasy football leagues and all this kind of stuff. And they spend the entire day arguing and trading players and going nuts. And I'm always looking at, these guys are in their 30s and early 40s, and I'm always looking at them like, how much time do you guys have for this stuff? And they're like, oh no, that's their life, this rotisserie, rotisserie and fantasy football. And there's a great line, and they get into heated arguments, and they start screaming at each other about like, you, I can't believe you put couch on the bench and you started leave. Oh my Christ. And they start screaming at each other, and they get angry because one won't trade someone for the other. And one of them got it right, Tony. And he yelled at his partner who wasn't pulling his weight, and they have teams or something, his partner wasn't doing enough. And I just heard him, he's going, when are you gonna wake up and realize you have a fantasy football team? And he did it.

1:29:28 Drew Straight.

1:29:30 Adam As straight as you could do it. He meant every word of it. When are you gonna wake up to the fact that you have a fantasy football team? Wow, that's powerful. Vanessa? You're 14? You want to tell your mom you're ready for sex with your 15 year old boyfriend?

1:29:54 Drew Yeah, you're not. We're declaring you're not ready.

1:29:55 Adam When are you gonna be 15?

1:29:57 Drew When are you gonna be 18?

1:30:02 Adam Yeah, I think it's still on January 2nd, right? Is this a few years up the road?

1:30:07 Drew Yeah.

1:30:08 Adam Is that how that works?

1:30:09 Drew Yeah, that's how that works.

1:30:09 Adam Okay, so Vanessa? Where's your dad?

1:30:13 Caller I haven't seen him.

1:30:15 Drew Quite some time.

1:30:18 Adam And why do you want to, are you that open with your mom?

1:30:22 Caller No, like I can tell her things like today I'm like, today I was going to tell her like, I think I'm ready to have sex, you know? Cause I've been going out with this guy for about a year.

1:30:34 Adam About a year.

1:30:35 Caller About a year.

1:30:38 Drew Well, I think it's a great idea that you do talk to your mom when it is time to do this. But we're discouraging you from having sex, but if you decide you're going to, then you talk to mom.

1:30:49 Caller Like if I tell her, then she'd be like all freaked out. Cause you know, my sister is only 16 and she like had sex when she was 13. And my sister had sex like a lot of times, like with guys.

1:30:59 Drew Once again, living, growing to torment the mom who's been doing the parenting.

1:31:05 Adam Yeah.

1:31:05 Drew And the A-hole dad is in Florida.

1:31:07 Adam Where's your dad?

1:31:08 Caller He's here in Arizona, but I haven't seen him. He like pays child support, but that's it.

1:31:15 Drew Yeah, he's in Florida.

1:31:16 Adam He's a delight. I'm sure his heart's in Florida, even if his ass is in Arizona. All right, so your dad's a bad guy. Do you give your mom a hard time?

1:31:26 Caller No, no, no.

1:31:27 Drew Of course she does.

1:31:28 Adam No, maybe they just communicate.

1:31:29 Drew I'm dying to tell my mom.

1:31:30 Caller She thinks like I'm like a goody good, you know? Like I'm gonna get straight A's and she thinks I'm gonna wait till I get married when I have a child.

1:31:37 Drew Are you?

1:31:38 Adam Are you gonna get straight A's?

1:31:40 Caller I don't get straight A's, but I always do get good grades, like A's and B's.

1:31:44 Adam All right, well, that's good. Listen, Vanessa. Is this guy pushing for sex or do you wanna have sex?

1:31:50 Caller No, he's waited like a year and I, you know, guys I've dated before always want it like three months from now.

1:31:56 Adam All right, listen, you're 14. And I know you grew up in an environment where it's like you're 48 because of all the wretched crap you've seen and you're screwed up a sister and all this thing, but you're gonna be a mess just like your sister. All right, well then, if it's the guy, I'm gonna make him wait a little longer. Exactly. This is why, by the way, if you hook up with someone at 13 and everything's going great and next thing you know, it's 18 months later, it's like, hey, what are you, you know what I mean? I got the internet, what's going on? All right, we'll take a break, we'll be back. Well everybody, that's the show. Thanks for listening. Jason Bateman tomorrow night. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:04 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Engeld. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:33:58 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Monday, October 27, 2003