Episode 1000576965968

1:10 Adam Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dixie Medicine Specialist, and Super Anal Queen.

1:15 Drew The Queen?

1:16 Adam King. King. Drew and I are having a little fight. It's true. It's so goddamn anal. I come walking and just shut up. Don't give me that.

1:27 Drew Mm-hmm. Listen, I'll tell you what. Right now, I'm back sort of in stride. I'm doing 4,000 things every day. I got to get things taken care of. I can't be disturbed with your crazy stuff.

1:36 Adam Yeah, my crazy stuff. Here's what happens. Here's what drives me nuts with Drew. If somebody puts something in front of him, he has to do it the second they put it in front of it. I may never have to do it, quite honestly.

1:51 Drew Therefore, I'm bad, you're good.

1:52 Adam No.

1:53 Drew I'm wrong, you're right.

1:54 Adam No, I'm right because here's the deal. I've got to sign this effing book of yours, right? When's it going out?

2:00 Drew I don't know, but I'd like to move away.

2:02 Adam When's it getting picked up? Tonight? Or is it going in the mail tomorrow?

2:06 Drew Perhaps. But the nice thing would have been just to spend four seconds and do it and get it and put a signed me down with it.

2:11 Adam Because here's what happens. I walk into the studio. I like to get here earlier. Early and prep for the show. Yes, Drew. I get here early and I prep for the show.

2:23 Drew Look, Chris cracking up.

2:24 Adam Where's my water? Lauren, where's my water? Jesus Christ.

2:29 Drew Where's your coffee?

2:30 Adam I know, but hold on a second. Lauren, and this makes me the greatest prick of them all. And Drew.

2:37 Drew I know, but I'm behind on this one.

2:38 Adam Please, if I ever, if I said this before.

2:41 Drew Water every night.

2:42 Adam I want a water and a coffee. Before the affidjoe starts.

2:46 Drew It's hot outside. Oh, it's hot.

2:51 Adam It's just.

2:51 Drew It's hot.

2:53 Adam I know. Let me explain how the show works. Let me explain. And then I'll get into Drew, and then I'll get into the heat. We're not taking Colton.

3:00 Drew No.

3:01 Adam Here's how the show works. I often, I have like some very simple requests. Like super simple requests.

3:09 Drew Two waters, one coffee.

3:10 Adam I want, no, well, water for you too.

3:13 Drew That's for me?

3:14 Adam I would like a water and a coffee on the desk before the show starts, before the mic heats up.

3:20 Drew Usually they give you two cups.

3:21 Adam Now, sometimes you get a water, sometimes you get a coffee. Oftentimes we get a coffee. Things have been better. It's taken about six years to really work the bugs out of this crazy Madonna-like demand I've had. Then, oftentimes, the water or the coffee will show up. Soon.

3:38 Caller Soon.

3:38 Adam Just after the mics heat up, in which case you have to hear the door open and close and the things clank around and Drew has to acknowledge, thank you, thank you, into the microphone. No one knows what he's talking about. This happens on every other night. Then, so, I scream, is this that big a deal to put the water, to have the water and the coffee out there? Then when I scream, everyone walks away and goes, God, that Adam's such a prick. What's wrong with him?

4:03 Drew That's how the show works.

4:04 Adam Can you believe? Yeah. That's how the show works. I make a super simple request, I make it over and over and over and over again, it gets effed up seven times out of ten, and if I say something, I'm a prima donna prick. Prima donna. I'm getting some water.

4:20 Drew But let's talk about the way you are, prima donna, the heat there. All right. This is Cynthia Adams, left, Chris. Chris, you can heat your mic up if you want. It will be you and I just tonight. Cynthia, 22. What's going on? Yeah.

4:35 Thanks for taking my call.

4:36 I love your show.

4:37 Drew Thank you.

4:37 I was wondering, do you think that I just got done reading your book and it's great.

4:43 I love it.

4:44 Drew Thank you. Oh, by the way, somebody came to my defense on Amazon tonight. Whoever that person is, God bless you. It made me feel so much better.

4:51 Chris, stop reading that Amazon crap, please.

4:53 Drew I know. I really have to. But I check up on it once in a while and this one woman sort of came to my aid and said, look. Because I was so frustrated that people were missing the fundamental reason that I wrote the stories I wrote. I was trying to make points and teach people about something. And people thought it was some sort of self-serving and self-indulgent diatribe I was going on. But it was to make specific points and to help people come to terms with this disease we call addiction. So Anderson, you and Chris are going to help me out tonight because Anderson is over here just still cracking up that Adam got up and left the room. Yeah. That's cool. So go ahead, Cynthia. What's up? Well, thanks. I appreciate that.

5:29 Did you think that all addicts were trauma survivors?

5:34 Drew No, I don't. But the point, and maybe I didn't make it explicit enough in the book, was A, for my inpatients. I run an inpatient chemical dependency program for the inpatients.

5:45 The detox or what?

5:46 Drew It's just an inpatient psychiatric program. Essentially, very nearly 100% of those patients have trauma histories. And then number two, I was interested in exploring trauma histories and how people who have been victimized make caretakers feel and explore my own history of having needed to rescue these people from their feelings, thus keeping them victims.

6:07 Adam Well, good times.

6:08 Drew Good times, though.

6:09 Adam Lauren had a pretty valid excuse with the water. It was almost empty. The spark was. It's like she's born into the thing. She's like, yeah, well, this is almost empty. I'm like, yeah, but that that's, ah, oh, I didn't know that. A thousand pardons, a thousand. Jesus effing Christ. Now, where was I, Drew?

6:35 Drew Heat.

6:36 Adam Oh, no, no, I wasn't done with you. As you know, I like to get here early and prepare for the show.

6:41 Drew Yeah. Oh, yeah.

6:42 Adam I was making very important call when I walked in. And as I walked in.

6:47 Drew I heard it was a true four by you needed or one by two or whatever.

6:51 Adam I needed it. I needed it. I needed a one by two, but not a one by true one by two. Yeah. One by two is one inch. It's three quarters of an inch by an inch and a half. You want to true is one inch by two inches.

7:02 Drew Can you get a one by?

7:03 Adam Can you?

7:03 Drew How do you get a one by two when no one cuts them that way?

7:05 Adam You can mill it. You got to kind of mill it.

7:08 Drew That's all right. Easy.

7:09 Adam Well, it's no big deal. You can.

7:10 Drew How weird is it, though? You have to go out and mill your own one by two.

7:15 Adam Well, you can. You can go to a hardwood place and like order it and stuff. You can't get a true one inch.

7:19 Drew That's incredible.

7:20 Adam Yeah. I wonder what a retard my dad is, by the way. I told you I was cutting blocks and putting doing stuff. Big stack of two by fours and all that kind of stuff. Told him I needed a block of two by fours, about fourteen and a half. He asked me, he wanted to know if I special order it. I got a big ten inch chop saw there and a big stacks of two by fours and all sorts of blocks, you know, scrap blocks sitting around there. Yeah. Yeah. It comes in from Malaysia, dad. It's a rainforest. They take a whole tree down. It's a fourteen and a half inch tree. It's going to take weeks, maybe months.

7:51 Drew Oh, just grow the tree.

7:52 Adam Now imagine building this house block by block that way. These tools, these saws, useless. Just just for show. They don't work. That's a styrofoam blade. So I came in and I was talking on the cell phone, it was about 30 seconds before the show started and Drew did, someone wants us to sign Drew's book. So Drew, now this is in Drew's, this is in his wheelhouse. When someone sets something in front of Drew, he's got to do it now. And Anne will say, and I know you think that's a good thing, you're going to give your kids an eating disorder. Yes, it's a good thing to get things done. It's also a good thing to understand parameters and the clock and all sorts of things. And Anne will set stuff down in front of Drew and say, yeah, we've got to get these liners for our Bakersfield affiliate. And I'll get up to take a leak and Drew will go, and I'll go, listen, I've got to take a leak. And I'll go, look, we're going to be here for eight more breaks. We can do it during one of the seven. It's going to take 30 seconds and he gets all spastic and I can tell he's a mess. I can tell he's a mess until it's actually checked off. Now here's the deal, Drew. There are certain things in life you need to get about, but that's not everything. It's not everything that's put in front of you.

9:00 Drew My policy is everything.

9:03 Adam You know why? I'm talking about your personal crappy policy. I'll tell you why. Because I think you're scared. I think you're scared that if you use.

9:10 Drew No, not me. I'm scared of you.

9:12 Adam No.

9:12 Drew I'm scared of the 11 to 12 o'clock air rolling around you going, tomorrow night.

9:17 Adam Listen.

9:17 Drew Tomorrow night.

9:18 Adam Look. Here's the thing. You're scared that if you start distinguishing between what's important and what's sort of trivial or could fall in the back burner that you're going to fall apart.

9:27 Drew Your structured world is going to come tumbling down. I forget.

9:32 Adam You're going to forget. You're going to forget there's a book sitting in front of you with a thing that says signing.

9:35 Drew No, something else I'll forget because I'll have that still. Right.

9:38 Adam You have to treat everything like it's a 10 alarm fire.

9:40 Drew You've got to get out of the way, yeah, done, boom, everything. Yeah, right.

9:43 Adam But that's a ridiculous way to go through life because there's certain, there's certain lights like you need to get the brakes changed on your car and somewhere in the next 5,000 miles, but you need to get the gas put in it in the next five miles. You know what I mean? That's all life is.

9:56 Drew I'm not.

9:56 Adam That's all those things are presented.

9:57 Drew I'm not disagreeing with you.

9:58 Adam Thank you.

9:59 Drew That's not my policy.

10:00 Adam So Drew Slitt, I know, and here's what I'm saying. You, in your own snide, passive, aggressive way, are making your policy somehow, like, yeah, well, yeah, I'm that way, but my policy is superior because I knock down everything that comes in front of me.

10:15 Drew No, no, no, no. I'm not saying that.

10:16 Adam I'll change your policy then. That's what I'm saying. I'll forget. No, you won't. So look, I come in and he says, he slides me his book while I'm on the phone and he points at it, you know, sign the book. Get over it. Yeah, get over it. Well, here's the thing. I don't want to just sign my name on. I want to read the little sticker that there's a bunch of little stickers on it about Adam sign here and here's the person's name and that kind of stuff. And there's a little note. I'm on the phone. I know I'm going to be sitting 14 inches from this book for the next two hours and I'll sign it at my leisure probably during the show when I'm pretending to listen to one of you pukes. That's what I do. And then I hang up the phone and I hang up the phone the second before the show starts because I like to prepare for the show with that three and a half seconds before it starts. And then Drew, right before the mics get hot, slides it to me again, sign the book, sign the book. And then that's when I get angry, which is, relax, I'm not signing the book. I'll sign it when I'm going to sign it.

11:07 Drew Or not.

11:08 Adam See, that's the point, Drew. The book gets signed. Your fantasy, your fearful fantasy is that the book is not going to get signed.

11:16 Drew I'm going to sit here for two hours and not sign the book. Or as many nights as we roll on the top of the aisle, this is where I've learned this and you go, I'll forget I'll do it tomorrow, I don't want to be bothered.

11:25 Adam Not when it's shoved in front of me.

11:27 Drew So I'm trying to slip in, trying to get you to do it before you.

11:30 Adam Many nights, many nights. Yeah, if there's a stack of junk that can go out anytime in the next two weeks, I say to Ann, yeah, I'll do it tomorrow.

11:39 Drew We got Ann going, it's got to be tonight, it's got to be tonight.

11:42 Adam No, listen, Ann slides us stuff and says the affiliate needs it tomorrow. And I say screw the affiliate because either if the affiliate needed it tomorrow, if they needed it on a Friday, they should have gotten it to us before Thursday. Or Ann F'd up, which is what I suspect, and gave it to us the last second. Either way, you can't shove a pile of ass in front of somebody and say, oh, they need it tomorrow. No, you should have given it to me on a Monday if they need it on a Friday, if they're so desperate for it.

12:12 Drew Well, then you should say that and not that I do say that. No, you say, oh, I'll get around, I'll get around it.

12:16 Adam No, I tell Ann, what do you mean? I've told Ann a hundred times, I go, look, if they need it tomorrow, they shouldn't be giving it to us Thursday night. If they need it Friday morning. And she goes, oh, that's when they gave it to me. Yeah, which I got to really reconsider because it's probably B-esque. But if they did just give it to her, then screw them. And if Ann F-ed up, then screw Ann. Thank you. Drew, like your book's going to sit here.

12:41 Drew The Heat. Yeah, that's why you're such a mess.

12:45 Adam No, it's you.

12:45 Drew I feel your pain.

12:46 Adam It's you and the book. But oh my god, is it hot?

12:50 Drew Yeah, and I heard a week more of this. A week.

12:53 Adam No, no you did not.

12:54 Drew Oh, I heard that. I swear to god, I don't know if it's true, but I heard that.

12:58 Adam Listen to me. Listen to me, all you pukes. I got back. It is miserable, weird, funky, freaky hot out here in Los Angeles. And it's unnerving hot. It's weird, unnatural, superhuman.

13:15 Drew When are people going to talk about this? Will my house suddenly burst into flames, combust spontaneously?

13:19 Adam I will consider that a huge break for me at this point. I want you to know, and I'm working on a house and it's just hotter than ass. But here's the point. I got back to my house at 6 o'clock tonight. The sun was just basically heading down. 6 o'clock in the evening I got home. I got an upstairs air conditioning and a downstairs air conditioning. Two digital thermostats and they're accurate. They're just digital thermostats and they read out whatever the temperature is at the thermostat is whatever it is. And I've seen it cold and I've seen it hot. Thank you. Downstairs, 90. Nine-oh. Now this is, you know.

14:01 Drew With the upstairs going. The air conditioning going up.

14:03 Adam No. Air conditioning not going. Nothing's been going. I've had everything off. I've had the windows open. The fan in the window kind of thing going all day. Go upstairs, 92. 92 in my bedroom at 6 o'clock at night and I'm exhausted because I got up early and I've been out there and I want to catch a nap. 90 F and 2 degrees. Not outside. In the bedroom. 92. And I'm not talking about 91. I'm talking about 92. Got to sit in a shower and run the water. It's weird. It's like I can feel the... I'm looking at the walls and they're like moving. They're like breathing. I can see things drying up. It's like those sped up films, you know, when summer turns to, you know, autumn and autumn to winter and winter to spring. It's like stuff's moving. I see things drying in front of me. Now the earth's catching on fire. The earth just said, F it. Just caught on fire. Everyone, people just start bursting into flames. But every Mexican is at my house, no shorts. Not a pair of shorts between the ten of them. They all wear jeans and boots with their shirts tucked in and their belts cinched in tight. I swear to Christ.

15:13 Drew They're real men.

15:14 Adam They mock me.

15:15 Drew I bet.

15:15 Adam They're doing it to mock me. They know the gringo's weak.

15:18 Drew The jefe?

15:19 Adam Yeah, the jefe. The cabacha. They know I'm weak. And they mock me with their denim. Their reinforced knees. These guys will not put on a pair of shorts if it kills them. I don't know what it is. I don't know if they got skinny calves. I don't know if they have some shingles on their knees. I don't know what is going on with the Latino workforce that is at my house, but they will not wear. And it's like, when do you bust the shorts out? Yeah.

15:47 Drew They wear those white t-shirts, though.

15:48 Adam No, not these guys.

15:50 Drew Oh, no.

15:50 Adam They wear whatever t-shirt they get, like the OC and stuff, like new t-shirts and, you know, 60, 60 and sexy and, you know, sexy senior citizen and like Cal Jam 79 and stuff. I always love that. But no, these like, here's what I'm saying. It's 104 degrees and you're coring concrete on the south side of a house, you know, dialing in rebar with epoxy. When do you bust the shorts out? At what point do the shorts come out? 130?

16:17 Drew When the house actually catches on fire. When you're actually fighting flames. But then you might burn your legs. No, no.

16:22 Adam 170?

16:23 Drew Never.

16:23 Adam What temperature does a Mexican bust out some shorts?

16:26 Drew Never.

16:27 Adam No, it won't happen.

16:28 Drew No, can't.

16:29 Adam Even at the beach these people won't wear trunks. They wear, they wear, they wear, they wear the same denims just rolled up. Right into the water they go. We got to get those people some shorts. And then when they do finally bust out some trunks, right to the speedo. Nothing in between the pant and the speedo for the Mexican. I'm going to work this out with these guys. I'm going, Chris, are you Mexican? Do you own shorts?

16:55 Yes, I own shorts.

16:56 Adam Do you speak any Spanish?

16:58 No, negative.

17:01 Adam Oh, I want to tell these guys to put some shorts on. They're driving insane. Just thick denim. And it's not that, you know, they're not wearing cargo pants either. They're wearing the super, super denim. Thick the shiny stuff from the 70s.

17:14 Drew Yeah, I've seen them.

17:16 But they can't be wearing shorts when they're working on your house.

17:19 Drew Oh yeah.

17:20 Adam Oh yeah, they can. They can be.

17:21 Drew All the white guys are.

17:22 Adam Yeah, white guys wear shorts. Yeah, you don't need pants. You can get down. They're not on their knees. They're just like a drilling and painting and stuff like that. She won't do it. Yeah, the white guys wear it. White guys nude just wearing like a white guys wearing a handy nap stuck to his balls.

17:38 Drew What does a bolo de queso say?

17:43 Adam Shorts, pants.

17:44 Drew No good.

17:45 Adam All right. Let's Jason.

17:48 Yes.

17:49 Adam You're 22.

17:50 Caller That's right.

17:51 Adam What's up?

17:52 Caller Well, I know you guys call it leaky pipes. It's the clear discharge that you get, right?

17:59 Drew From your penis?

18:01 Caller Well, the problem that I'm having, right, is that I've always had this, of course. But I can't get service on with my girlfriend. And she says until I can get rid of it, it ain't going to happen. So I was wondering if there's anything out there that I could use or I don't know, just something to help it out.

18:20 Adam What can't you get from your girlfriend, a BJ? Yeah. Why? Because of the leakage?

18:27 Caller Yeah.

18:28 Drew Is it a large volume leakage?

18:32 Caller Well, it seems to be about, oh, I'll give it a minute or two and it'll be fine. But then after that it just starts leaking out. It's not real high, but she said it's thick. And I don't really want her doing it because when she tries doing it, she gags on it. That's nice.

18:52 Drew I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop. People have their own sort of biology with this, you know? Adam dries a bone.

19:20 Adam Yeah, especially during this weather.

19:22 Drew Jason Leakey.

19:24 Caller She told me that there was a pill out there at a novelty store that would make it taste like cherries. Is that true?

19:30 Drew No, no.

19:32 Adam No, why don't you just take it and tell her, yeah. Yeah.

19:37 Caller I haven't been out.

19:39 Drew Yeah, slogs call.

19:41 Adam Yeah. You know, women really, I don't know, I've never, I've never spoke to a woman that had a serious issue with the bad gasket. It makes sense that they would, but they don't. You know what I mean?

19:56 Drew It's, that's thin, tasteless fluid.

20:00 Adam In, in the mix, you don't know it.

20:02 Drew Right.

20:02 Adam I mean, it's, it's really, it's, it's like if someone spit in your salad and then mix it all up, as gross as it sounds, you'd never taste it. You would know, yeah. And it's, it is sort of in, in amongst all the other muck that's going on in there. Yeah. It's a good time. Carmen?

20:20 Yes.

20:20 Adam You're 19? What's up? Oh, you're calling from Alaska.

20:27 Caller Oh.

20:27 Drew What's the temperature up there?

20:32 Adam Oh.

20:36 Drew Whatever it is, we wish we were there.

20:38 Adam Let me tell you how to completely and utterly- I'm really obsessed and insane I'm going with this heat. My air conditioning downstairs is on the fritz. So it was 90 in the house when I walked in at 6 and with the windows open and the fans blowing it got down to 85 inside as I left. It's just the slow sort of my brain is cooking in its own juices. But I turned on the TV and I was scrolling through the menu and I saw Behind Enemy Lines which is a movie where the guy gets shot down in his F-15 in like Bosnia and I thought to myself I had seen this movie before I'm gonna keep moving then I thought wait a minute it's snowing there it's snowing in Bosnia I've seen this movie he's I switched it on just to watch Owen Wilson trek through the snow I was like oh look at him he's in the snow oh there's steam coming out of his mouth he's got a jet what's that thing he's wearing honey come in the room what's that thing with the sleeves Jack a jacket he's got a jacket on oh and gloves oh you are so lucky with that 30 degrees oh yes oh Carmen yes thank God it's the only thing I like about Drew he can't stand the heat just like me calls me in the middle of the day and wants to complain about the heat I just want to share the misery and I'm angry with everybody else for not being as upset as we are I understand that I'll I'll tell you the guys I want to take a swing at is people who go, you go, is this heat? Is it driving you crazy? And they go, uh, what? And you go, it's oppressive. This heat's crazy, isn't it? And they go, yeah, it's pretty hot today then, right? Wasn't hot yesterday? You go, no, it's been steaming for five days. Oh, yeah, I've been indoors a lot. Like you go, you just want to strangle the person. Like, what, you haven't noticed? You've been, what are you, a lizard? You haven't noticed that it's miserable? All right, sorry baby doll.

22:38 Drew What's up? That's okay.

22:40 Caller Yeah.

22:41 Drew What's your question? Well, that's irritation of the urethra. And that can be an infection or it can just be a local trauma. But does it keep hurting when you pee after for a few days or do you have to urgency?

23:00 Caller No, it's just like right after I go to the bathroom.

23:04 Drew Yeah, so that's just some irritation of the urethra. Provided it doesn't continue, that's probably no big deal.

23:09 Caller Okay, I also have another question. Okay, is it true that guys get jealous if their girlfriend buys a dildo?

23:20 Drew No, they don't get jealous, they get scared.

23:22 Adam Well.

23:22 Caller My boyfriend says, are you trying to replace me because I bought one the other day because I'm going on vacation.

23:28 Drew He's scared, he's not jealous. He feels he can't keep up.

23:31 Adam Where are you going on vacation?

23:32 Caller Minnesota and Idaho. I'm going to go see my friend in college in Idaho.

23:38 Adam Yeah, getting to some of that balmy 55 degree weather. Oh man. Yeah, your boyfriend's how old?

23:47 Caller He's 21.

23:48 Adam Yeah, it can freak you out a little when you're 21. But look, you stick by your guns.

23:54 Drew Guys are a little afraid of women's sexuality. So women that's actually taking care of their sexuality are like, what else might she do with it?

24:01 Adam 21 year old guys are a little bit freaked out whenever a woman does anything yes that's sexual, that is not directed at him.

24:10 Drew Exactly.

24:10 Adam 100%.

24:13 Drew Like blinders, like focused on him.

24:15 Adam But then also the same guy has a lot of energy about wanting to see you make out with your friend and then can also turn that back on you again. It's a weird mixed message that will just, they're horrible. Alright Drew, 28 Days Later.

24:29 Drew 28 Days Later, the DVD came out today the 21st. Those of you who are hearing us tomorrow, it's the 22nd came out yesterday. So you can get 28 Days Later on DVD with the three alternative endings and as it has been for the last couple nights and up to the 23rd we will be enrolling everyone in a contest who gets on the show who's over 18 and giving each of them one of these DVDs. And on the 26th we will pick the winner and the winner will get 28 Days at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Las Vegas.

24:55 Adam Yes. Yeah. And you can use them all yourself or you can have someone else use them.

25:00 Drew And a plane ticket to get to that hotel.

25:02 Adam Yeah. Or you can use, so what I'll do is I'll alternate. I'll use like all the odd numbers.

25:07 Drew Just for the person? Or if you win?

25:10 Adam If I win, I'm going to win.

25:12 Drew That's right.

25:12 Adam We already agreed. Not talk about it in the air but we're going to draw my name out of the thing. I'm going to win and then I'm either going to use all odd numbers of the 28 days or I'm going to sell off my stuff. I'm going to book it. Okay buddy. Let's take a little break. What do you say?

25:28 Caller Yeah.

25:28 Adam All right. We'll be back right after this.

25:37 Caller Every hour two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free 1-866-344-KNOW.

25:46 Love Line on 947-NRK.

26:06 Drew Hey, buddy, let's burn through some calls here, huh?

26:08 Adam Hey, buddy boy. Phone number, 1-800-L-L-V-E-1-9-1. Oh, it's cold. Kayla?

26:19 Caller Yeah?

26:20 Adam You're 16? What's up?

26:23 Caller Um, I'm all screwed up, and I think it has to do with my past, but I need to know how to stop what I've been doing. What are you doing? Well, um, I've like, slept with like a lot of guys.

26:44 Adam How many?

26:46 Caller Um, I stopped counting at like 13.

26:49 Adam Yeah, now you didn't. How many? You're stinking hot!

26:54 Drew Well, it's not that you didn't stop. You're going to start counting tonight.

26:56 Adam Yeah, every chick knows how many guys she's been with, especially 16-year-olds. Now, how many?

27:09 Drew So you stopped counting two guys ago?

27:14 Adam All right, I'm putting you on hold until you give me the exact number, all right? Everyone knows how many people they've slept with, especially 16-year-olds. They know.

27:25 Drew Yeah.

27:26 Adam You don't want to answer. That means you're painting the ass. I'm in a bad mood tonight. I don't go for these snot-nosed kids bothering me, Drew.

27:33 Drew I know that.

27:34 Adam Do you know what I'm talking about? All right.

27:37 Drew You'll feel guilty soon enough.

27:39 Adam I don't care. Skye?

27:40 Hi.

27:41 Adam You're 24?

27:42 Caller Yeah.

27:43 Adam What's up?

27:44 Caller I am curious about female genital reconstructive surgery because one of my left labia minora hangs down a little far and it causes discomfort in some clothing or if I don't wear underwear and so I was wondering if I were to get it trimmed down.

28:02 Adam Well, why don't you wear underwear, by the way, if this is a problem?

28:06 Caller Well, even with underwear, it can cause some discomfort.

28:10 Adam Maybe your left leg's shorter. That happened to me with my sack.

28:14 Caller I don't know.

28:15 Adam Turn out the sack was fine. I was just leaning to that side.

28:18 Drew I thought the sack was pulling you to that side.

28:19 Oh, wait a minute.

28:21 Adam That's what it was. I knew something was up. Yeah. How much is it? Like, if I'm just looking, if I kneel down and I'm eye level with your vulva, how much lower?

28:33 Caller Well, it's just a little bit lower than the outer lips, but it's definitely visible.

28:43 Drew And just the one side?

28:47 Adam But one side is lower.

28:49 Caller Yes.

28:50 Drew But both sides are visible.

28:52 Adam I know, but why would she answer with, it's just a little more visible? How much lower is the one side?

28:58 Caller Well, I've never really measured, but it's noticeably lower.

29:04 Adam All right, hold on.

29:06 You're going to have to go to a third call.

29:09 Adam Just want to know.

29:12 Drew All right, we'll go back and read the rest.

29:13 Adam I don't mean a prick. I just want someone to give me a number. I want a number. That's all. I said I've squatted down. I said, I'm eye level. I'm looking straight at it. How much lower is it?

29:24 Drew You've always made the point that women can't...

29:25 Adam You can see the part from the inside sticking out, too.

29:28 Drew You always made the point that women can't give measurements, though.

29:31 Adam They do give measurements. They're just all over the place. They're crazy measurements. This is why they can't park or drive. This is why when they have five feet on each side of their car and they could just go through on the right turn lane, they don't do it because they don't think they can make it. Because the five foot on each side looks like five inches to them and they're going to scrape their mirrors. You see what I'm saying? They don't have size perception or aspect ratio or whatever it is.

29:59 Drew Some people.

30:00 Adam Yes. Who me? Drew?

30:04 Caller Eric?

30:04 Adam Yeah. Hold on a second. I'm just using you as a- Yes. You're just a pawn in our game to try to attempt to get numbers from women. Kayla? How many guys have you slept with?

30:17 Caller Thirteen, exactly.

30:19 Drew Oh. Interesting.

30:21 Adam All righty.

30:22 Drew You were right for stopping counting at thirteen.

30:24 Adam You should have stopped counting at thirteen. Drew stopped counting his kids at three.

30:28 Drew Amazing the way that works.

30:30 Adam Yep.

30:31 Drew All right.

30:31 Adam So Kayla-

30:32 Drew Kayla, what happened growing up?

30:34 Caller Well, my mom told me that when I was between six months and two years of age that I was molested by one of her boyfriends.

30:44 Adam Oh, Drew, now I feel bad.

30:46 Drew Fabulous.

30:47 Caller I don't remember any of it. I remember some incidents, you know, like going to the bathroom and him being in there. But other than that, I don't remember anything.

30:59 Drew Did you have any bad dreams or anything?

31:01 Caller No, not really. But I've also, I've been raped three times.

31:07 Drew Yeah, that's all part of having been a victim.

31:09 Adam Sorry about the whole part, baby.

31:11 Drew All right. So what is your question? Do you want to do something about this?

31:14 Caller Yeah, I, I, every time after I sleep with a guy, I feel really bad.

31:22 Drew Do you have any, do you have a decent experience ever? Do you like being sexual with a guy?

31:26 Caller No, not really. It doesn't ever do anything for me. I just lay there and take it.

31:30 Drew Don't you think it's weird that you would do something like that, that does nothing for you?

31:34 Caller Yeah.

31:35 Adam What, what, oh, hold on a second, Kayla. What about this like component to, this horrible component to the human psyche, where if you feel bad, you have to make yourself feel worse. And we always look at it as a sort of behavior that can't be stopped. But I just mean, you know there's times when you eat some, you're on a diet and you're trying to do well and then you have a slice of pie and you feel like an idiot and you're full. And so you eat another piece. Like, what is that pounded in part?

32:03 Drew I don't know.

32:03 Adam People do it with food. Kayla does it with sex. People do it with drugs. I mean, they'll do it. You're trying to quit smoking or drinking, whatever. You actually will, you'll feel ashamed. You'll get in this like shame spiral. I hate to say it. You'll get, and you'll have to sort of almost keep it going in a horrible negative way.

32:22 Drew It's exactly one of the theories to why people do that. That shame is what motivates it.

32:27 Adam Why do you have to pile on yourself?

32:30 Drew Cause you're punishing yourself for being bad. You're shaming. You're so shaming. You're trying to manage the shame.

32:35 Adam All right. And so it's like, you're doing something about it and that you're punishing yourself?

32:39 Drew Yeah, it's somehow gratifying and deprivation and sort of self abuse becomes an expression of self loathing when you feel shame. But listen, Kayla, go get a book by a guy named Patrick Karnes, okay? Start with one call, I think it's called Don't Call It Love. And read some of his stuff about sexual addiction, sexual compulsions. I think it'll speak louder to you.

33:03 Adam I like to recommend The Phantom Tollbooth cause it's the only book I've ever read. Yes, there's a dog with a clock in its stomach it's called Tock. Yeah, I thought that was clever when I was 11 but now, not so funny anymore. All right.

33:22 Caller Hey Kayla. Uh-huh.

33:23 Adam All right, a little therapy, huh baby doll? You sound relatively well put together considering what's happened to you though.

33:30 Caller Is it, lately I've just, I don't know, I've been going through what my friends say. I've been going through depression.

33:38 Adam Yeah.

33:39 Caller Because like, I haven't, my dad, he's an alcoholic and he moved to Reno.

33:47 Adam Uh-oh.

33:48 Caller I haven't seen him but a little bit and my mom was a really big drug addict and.

33:56 Adam Yeah. Yeah, anytime I hear guys move to Reno or Florida or Nevada, there's trouble.

34:02 Drew Germany.

34:03 Adam Yeah, Germany. All right, listen, Kayla, I swear, you may feel depressed, you may feel insane, but the fact that you're calling and asking these questions, speaking openly about your past and being just sort of wanting answers to questions that a lot of people won't even ask for most people for another five or eight years is a good sign.

34:27 Drew Go read some of these books.

34:28 Adam Patrick, you gotta heal yourself but read these books and do what Drew says and get some therapy and don't act out, then just stop yourself and get strength from not.

34:37 Drew Again, the amazing difference between men and women, men are having sex because they really want to. Women, most of the time, are kind of, oh boy, yeah, whatever.

34:48 Adam Well, 30% of the time it's because they want to and then there's the other 70, which is anywhere from I was repeatedly raped by my stepdad to just I just want the guy to hold me and tell me he loves me after he drops his load on my belly. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, it's a good time.

35:09 Drew Do you want to talk to Skye, see if she has a labial measurement for you?

35:11 Adam Yes. I'm going to give Skye a chance here. Skye. One of your labias hangs down lower than the other. I am kneeled down. I am eye to labia on you. We're standing on level ground.

35:27 Okay.

35:29 Adam It's the right side or the left side?

35:31 Caller It's the left side.

35:32 Adam Left side. How much further does it hang down?

35:36 Caller From the other one or from the outer lip?

35:40 Drew From the other one.

35:41 Caller I'd say about four to five centimeters.

35:45 Drew And how much from both of them?

35:47 Adam I got to get the metric. We're in the United States. We don't deal with the metric system here.

35:53 Drew Two thirds of an inch.

35:54 Adam Standard, standard.

35:56 Caller An inch. Probably approximately an inch.

36:00 Drew And how much do they both hang out?

36:02 Caller Well, only the left one hangs out. Okay, got it.

36:05 Adam Okay, but wait a minute. If only the left one hangs... Why does she keep saying...

36:10 Drew Lower, lower, lower, yeah.

36:14 Adam Why does she keep... She's saying that her left labia hangs low. I keep saying how much lower and she says inner or outer. Why does she keep saying that? And then goes on to say only the left side comes out. What does that mean?

36:34 Drew She's growing.

36:35 Adam And then with her god damn centimeters, like a communist.

36:40 Drew She wants a surgery, maybe Dr. Alter.

36:42 Adam It's not an inch. Inch is a lot.

36:44 Drew Yeah.

36:45 Adam Inch is healthy.

36:45 Drew I was thinking two thirds of an inch, probably what she was.

36:50 Adam Sky, inch is real healthy.

36:51 Caller Well, you know, I'm talking about the inner lips and then the outer lips, right? There's like the outside the vulva and then the inner lips.

37:00 Drew Yes.

37:01 Caller So from the outer vulva, my left inner lip only hangs down like a centimeter, maybe a centimeter or a little more. But my other inner lip, it's, you know, it's quite a bit longer than that. I'd say maybe close to an inch.

37:18 Drew If you remember, we had a plastic surgeon on here a couple months ago and he's named Dr. Alter and he does the reconstruction of this area and he claims very good results, very minimal side effect.

37:28 Adam He can turn you into a dude too while you're there. I mean, let me tell you one, an inch is you sticking your tongue out of your mouth about halfway.

37:41 Caller Well, maybe a little less than an inch.

37:43 Adam Shocking.

37:44 Caller Maybe three quarters, but it is a pretty big difference. I'd say between three quarters and one inch.

37:49 Drew Yeah, but it's not that there's a difference is that one side's hanging out. Yeah, that's what it is.

37:53 Adam Right, but I still can't figure out the part where she...

37:55 Drew I know, I know. Don't do it, your head'll explode. It'll combust. Talk to Orion about the heat. You'll feel better.

38:04 Adam Okay, I gotta talk to someone about something other. I, I, what?

38:08 Drew Don't, don't.

38:09 Adam What, what's the?

38:11 Drew Stop, stop it. Next call, 94. Real quick.

38:17 Caller Adam.

38:18 Adam What's happening?

38:20 Caller Dude, I totally feel you on the heat, man.

38:23 Adam Oh my God.

38:25 Caller You have no idea. You have a pretty good idea actually, because when you're explaining it, I understand.

38:32 Adam 92 degrees in my bedroom, it's six this evening.

38:35 Caller Dude, in my car, it's 120 in my car, man.

38:40 Adam I'm going insane in a pox on all those who aren't bothered by it. May you be bothered by something like cancer.

38:47 Caller Dude, I came from San Francisco, up north. And it's like right now, I'm wishing I was back home so bad.

38:57 Drew You're in the valley, you're in Pasadena. I'm over it.

39:00 Caller Like I'm in Pasadena, but I live out of my van, so it's just killing me right now.

39:07 Drew It was 102 today in Pasadena.

39:09 Adam But it was hotter and a weird like misery factor index. The S index was through the roof. I don't know what it is.

39:22 Drew Well, the wind blows in the wrong direction, and it's like up in the air, doesn't get down.

39:26 Adam We haven't got a drop of rain in this filthy dusty city for like seven months, and it's just, I'm ready to go nuts. I just, I want weather, I want something, I want a light, I want some lightening.

39:39 Drew Come travel with me, let's go do some colleges.

39:40 Adam I'm traveling.

39:41 Drew Come on.

39:41 Adam I'm doing some colleges.

39:42 Drew Let's do it.

39:43 Adam All right, that's it. Yeah, let's go. Best of from this point on, let's go do a college. What's the nearest college that's north?

39:51 Drew Alaska.

39:51 Adam Let's go to Alaska. Let's just go to Humboldt or UC Davis or something. All right, we'll be back after this.

40:00 Loveline, Loveline, Loveline.

40:09 Loveline, on 94.7, in RK.

40:28 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. We just found out they're giving out iPods here at the radio station.

40:35 Drew Really?

40:36 Adam I don't know. I haven't gotten so much as a T-shirt.

40:40 Drew You do, you do.

40:41 Adam Been here nine years, I got a knapsack three years ago.

40:44 Drew Yeah, a knapsack and a T-shirt.

40:46 Adam I thought I was supposed to be getting mountain bikes and stuff, you know what I mean? What about the Paola and the Graff and all that good stuff?

40:53 Drew I went to Knott's Berry Farm, it was great.

40:55 Adam I know, but you gotta mention Knott's Berry Farm 40 times in the air and blow the guy who fixes the zipper.

41:04 Drew Extreme, yeah.

41:06 Adam Yeah, in order to get a couple of passes for you and the Tykes. I mean, that ain't no big deal. I'm talking about stuff, you know? Like a Jeep and a mountain bike or something. What about all that stuff where someone, there's promotions, a DJ gets the car for six months and he reports how much he likes it?

41:23 Drew You do that kind of crap.

41:25 Adam Oh yeah. All right.

41:27 Drew Let him for your own show, for somebody else's show. You wanna talk to Orion again? You're done with him.

41:31 Adam I'm done with him, other than Orion. Oh, wait a minute.

41:35 Drew Oh, he's gone.

41:37 Adam I feel his pain. Let me tell you how crazy I am. I'm walking around the house. My house is so mother effing hot inside that I'm shutting off. I shut the little light on the hood above the stove because as I'm walking around, I'm thinking. You feel it. That's a source of heat. That produces heat. That's burning a couple of watts an hour. I gotta flip that thing off. That is some form of heat. I'm going nuts, Drew. I'm going insane. I want some weather. I want something. I wanna put on some god damn sweatpants just once.

42:12 Drew I know.

42:12 Adam I wanna see some steam kinda out of my mouth. I want some weather. What's going on with this crap? I'm moving.

42:19 Drew We gotta move, yeah.

42:19 Adam That's it, we're moving.

42:20 Drew We gotta move.

42:21 Adam We're outta here. Tonight, we're going to Humboldt. Who's with us? I'm with you. Toby, you with me?

42:26 Caller I'm with you.

42:26 Adam Oh, you're in Santa Barbara. Cry me a river. What was it? 73 there today with a nice offshore breeze.

42:35 Caller Hey, you know, I can't complain.

42:36 Drew Although they get a lot of smog when we get to Santa Ana. Good.

42:39 Adam I hope you get acid rain.

42:42 Caller You don't like the heat.

42:42 Drew No, smog.

42:44 Adam Yeah, I hope you get our acid rain. I heard about that guy who went over Niagara Falls today. I was jealous. Well, I really was. Picture Niagara Falls with that mist of water, that constant, that flowing water. And this is, we got hot and cold running dirt. That's all we got is sand and dirt and grit. So it's like, this whole thing, this whole goddamn scene is turning into like a Gatorade commercial for me. Like I just felt like I'm starring in my own Gatorade commercial. I'm just walking around, I'm mopping my brow, I'm looking out, I'm seeing the heat coming off the asphalt, I'm seeing the dust blow around, I mop my brow again, I look up at the sun. I'm waiting for some director to just yell cut and get me out of this Gatorade commercial. What happened to Toby? Toby? All right, go ahead.

43:36 Caller All right, well let's see, Adam, maybe you've run into this before. All right, on a good week, like, you know, when I'm getting some, I'll masturbate two times, three times a week. The dry week is more like five or six. But one out of pretty much every seven times, I'll finish and I'll go to bed, you know, all proper. I'll wake up the next morning and my cock is inflated to the size of a small sausage. Like the foreskin just swelled up.

44:06 Drew Was that not the strangest series of expressions?

44:09 Adam I thought it was.

44:09 Drew The way he said it was like, huh?

44:11 Adam Yeah.

44:12 Drew Shocking.

44:12 Adam And by the way, this heat, can't emasubate. Not because I'm so depressed. Oh. I'm depressed.

44:19 Caller You're despair.

44:20 Adam I'm despair. I should be on suicide watch. Come over and watch me commit suicide.

44:26 Drew So Toby, are you uncircumcised?

44:28 Caller I am not.

44:29 Drew Yeah, so you just inflame things, flame the foreskin and you know, it swells. That's what happens. Really?

44:35 Caller Pretty normal?

44:35 Drew It's not pretty normal. Ooh, did I hear something?

44:38 Adam I thought I heard a smoke detector go. Yes. Toby?

44:41 Caller No smoke detector.

44:42 Drew What did we just hear?

44:43 Caller I don't know, the phone's kind of fuzzy. I'm kind of far from where it's connected to the jack.

44:50 Adam Where do you live? And you live in a house, apartment? Your parents' house?

44:58 Caller Yeah.

44:58 Drew Are you walking around right now?

45:00 Caller No, sitting down.

45:02 Adam Do they change the smoke detector batteries over there?

45:04 Caller Yeah, we've only got one and it's on the far side of the house.

45:11 Drew Oh, that's what we heard.

45:12 Adam Yeah, that's the phone, right?

45:13 Drew Yeah, that's the phone, yeah.

45:14 Adam All right. All right, so maybe he starts sleeping on his back or something.

45:19 Drew No, just stop, just working himself over.

45:22 Adam Just beating off for it five times a week, it's nothing in 19.

45:24 Drew Yeah, but he's doing something, maybe he's using the wrong lubricant or something. He's doing something to inflame himself.

45:28 Adam He's gotta step up to a quality lube. He can't be using a shaving cream or Prel or.

45:35 Drew I've been working with these Trojan people and they're coming up with a new thing that's, it's like warm, but it's a lubricant, but it's very like aqueous, like water. It's really interesting.

45:47 Adam It's like the, it's not very viscous.

45:50 Drew Not very viscous, but lubricating.

45:52 Adam Stays on.

45:53 Drew And warm.

45:54 Adam And warm.

45:55 Drew Yeah. But not burning, like heat without burn.

45:58 Adam I want something cold though, Drew. I want to pack my dork in ice. I want to just walk around and take a bucket of ice and drop it down my pants so I can get through the day. Yeah.

46:09 Drew Let's go to break.

46:09 Adam You want to know what a retard I am? Yeah. I was at work today and I'm wearing the shirt I'm wearing now. And now, you know, I go on these Jags where I go, there's certain shirts that seem like they have a breast pocket or they should have a breast pocket. Certain cuts, button up shirts with a collar and stuff. They just 99 percent of them have one. And then once in a while you get one that doesn't. You're free to accept it. You take your sunglasses off. You keep sliding it down your nipple, trying to grab and it's not there. I did that today. I was like, I don't understand why this shirt doesn't have a breast pocket. It's got the buttons. It's got the thing. It's short sleeve. It's cotton. Why do they do this? There should be some kind of law. And somebody pointed out to me that the shirt was on inside out and then I turn it right side in and lo and behold, the pocket.

46:54 Drew Hey, quickly before we go to break, I got to mention again that the 28 Day Later's promotion still goes on tonight. And those of you who are over 18 to get on the show, we'll get a free DVD of 28 Days Later. And then you'll be enrolled in the contest to see who wins the 28 Days at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Las Vegas. We will pick the winner on the 26th and this contest will run through the 23rd.

47:15 Adam I can't think anymore of the heat. We'll be back after this.

47:20 Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:21 You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:25 Adam One call is all you need to make.

47:26 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

47:41 NFL Blitz Pro combines authentic NFL features with Blitz signature fast and furious gameplay.

47:47 Caller Love Line on 94.7 NRK.

48:10 Adam Hey everybody! That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right. Ready to rock here, Drew? Yeah. Let's go, buddy. All right, let's go. Stick together. We're stronger together. Eric?

48:29 Hey.

48:30 Adam You're 16?

48:31 Caller Yeah.

48:32 Adam What's up?

48:33 Caller Sorry, I had to put on the tape recording thing, and I walked out.

48:36 Adam Yeah.

48:37 Caller I'm still, I still tape Family Guy.

48:42 Drew Which show is it tonight?

48:43 Caller It's the one where Adam, like, or like, not Adam, Peter is like, he is, he embarrasses Meg, and so Meg leaves the family, and then they make a whole stupid, whole TV show about it.

48:58 Adam All right, don't talk. Hi, buddy. We'll watch that one when we get home, okay, Drew?

49:05 Drew Yeah, I haven't seen that one.

49:07 Adam All right, what's up, buddy boy?

49:10 Caller I've been having trouble with like chicks. I don't know what to do. I have like no confidence.

49:15 Adam I gotta scrape you up off of the carpet. Get up, buddy. Come on, you're flabbergasted, aren't you? I can't believe it.

49:23 Drew Especially the way he spins those yarns, the way he uses command of language.

49:27 Adam Silver tongue devil like yourself, I can't believe that you don't have the ladies eating out of your hand.

49:32 Drew Just poetry just pours forth.

49:34 Adam Yeah. So Eric, what's the problem in your estimation?

49:38 Caller I don't know. Like this one chick, I gave her like two letters, like I can write freaking poems like you would not believe. I could-

49:45 Drew Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

49:46 Caller Come up with poems, like just right at the top of my head that would make chicks fall in love with me. And-

49:51 Adam Well, no, hold on. Now let me see if I can put, hold on a second there.

49:58 Caller Do you want to hear one?

49:59 Adam What about we get Zoe on the phone and see if-

50:02 Drew No, we need to at least get a 16 year old.

50:03 Adam Maybe get Tara?

50:05 Drew Tara? No, we need, we need, line five, put us, get her on a 16 year old, line five, 15, 16 year old.

50:10 Adam Yeah, well let, we'll see, we'll see if we can get a love connection. But, and then we'll let you, you know, bust a little rhyme for whoever we get on there. All right, so there's a girl at school you like?

50:21 Caller Yeah, I've liked her for a long time, seriously. First time she, like, she's following me like that and she goes, I don't, she goes, no, she goes no to my friend like that because he came up and talked to her for me and like put down the bus.

50:34 Adam She's probably scared of the feeling she has for you.

50:38 Caller I don't even think she hardly knows me like that.

50:39 Adam There you go. Yeah, that's what I meant, actually. So what's up?

50:43 Caller No, because, yeah, because I go over there and I can't talk to her but she's like the shy person so, and then her friend.

50:52 Adam You wrote her a letter, though, right? Yeah, a poem.

50:55 Caller Like three of them.

50:56 Adam Do you have any? I mean, you remember them?

50:59 Caller No, I tossed them away. She gave them back to me like in class. She had one of her friends give them back to me so I wanted to stop them.

51:05 Adam Bad sign.

51:06 Drew What is your question? What is your question?

51:08 Caller I don't have no, I have like no confidence. I don't know what to do but she, because she told like.

51:13 Drew All right, give me the top top.

51:14 Adam All right, let's try to break, let's break it down now, buddy. Hey, get a hand in, okay?

51:19 Caller Yeah.

51:19 Adam Let's get that hand in. All right, now look, you're 16, you're spaz on wheels. I mean, there's no doubt about it. I've heard you for the last 30 seconds, you're super spaz. But that's all right. That's good. Yeah, you know that. That keeps you hungry. The day I don't look in the mirror and see a spaz staring back is the day I lose the eye of the tiger. Do you understand me, Eric? Yeah, yeah. That's how I keep my edge. That's how I stay hungry. And that's gonna be the same for you now. What are you good at, besides writing really crappy poetry to chicks who don't care?

51:54 Caller It's like weird because I'm really like special ed at school and I have like a lot of special ed classes, but when it comes to instrument, I picked up on guitar like Yngwie Malmsteen and Stephen Vye like in three years and I'm playing when I play drums, I can do anything John Bonham can do. Really? I'm playing for like one year.

52:10 Drew They call it Asperger's Syndrome.

52:12 Caller With like music and stuff.

52:16 Adam That's perfect. Perfect because the Brainiac guys, they couldn't get their finger wet in a whore house. Whereas a guy, a retard can play the drums like a chimp and there's more poon hang than he knows what to do with. Right Drew?

52:31 Drew There you go.

52:32 Adam That's how God works by the way.

52:34 Drew That's in your new book too.

52:35 Adam Yes. Alright so Eric, you need to focus on those things. Like the guitar. How about starting a band?

52:41 Caller I've been trying to start a band. I can sing great too so.

52:44 Adam Oh really? Like what kind of songs do you do?

52:47 Caller I do a lot of like, like if you ever heard of like Ben Harper and Jack Johnson, like soft music.

52:51 Adam Sure. I know Ben Harper. Go ahead. Sing a little Ben Harper for us.

52:57 Caller I don't really know his songs. I only know like.

53:00 Adam Well no, I know you wouldn't know somebody that you mention as an example of an influence of yours musically.

53:04 Caller I just don't know hardly his words because I don't really listen to him more than I listen to Jack Johnson.

53:08 Adam Alright how about some Jack Johnson?

53:09 Caller I know like Jimmy Buffet's song.

53:11 Adam How about some Jimmy Buffet?

53:27 Caller A little Margaritaville.

53:28 Adam I'll tell you, nothing.

53:41 Caller Wets a 16 year old's panties like a little Jimmy Buffet.

53:44 Adam Yeah a lot of parrot heads running around in the 10th grade these days, you know what I'm saying?

53:48 Caller Not familiar with that one.

53:52 Adam Do you do? Alright, do you have the guitar nearby?

53:56 Drew Little Houses of the Holy.

53:57 Caller It's a piece of crap. It's all broken and crap.

54:00 Adam Alright, hold on a second, let me talk to Drew.

54:04 Caller Alright.

54:05 Adam Okay.

54:06 Caller Let him be.

54:06 Adam No, it's fine. I'm just wondering, how good is he on the drums and the guitar?

54:13 Drew If the singing was what it was, is that what you're sort of judging?

54:16 Adam Buffet's tough. Buffet is, anyone who's been S-faced and tried to knock out a little, you know, stepped on a pop rock and blew out my flip-flop knows how difficult Buffet can be. Buffet, yeah, Buffet's tough to do sober. What is it with those people that love Buffet, by the way, like the fat bald guy in the Hawaiian shirt just banging out these sort of trite, well-traveled cliches, like, huh, no, now he's going to write books? What is that? Is there stupid people that are in their 50s who want to act young or something? Like, I never could figure out the Jimmy Buffet thing. All right, so this guy's got billions of dollars. Who are we talking to, Eric?

55:01 Drew Zoe. Keep moving.

55:03 Adam I know. Eric.

55:04 Caller Yeah.

55:05 Adam I'm going to give you a chance to talk to Zoe and bust a little freestyle rhyme, all right? All right. A little love poem? All right, so hold on a second. Hey, how do we do this?

55:18 Drew I'm not entirely sure. Let's try this. Or that.

55:21 Adam If we hang up on Eric.

55:22 Drew No, it didn't work.

55:24 Adam Do we hang up on Eric?

55:25 Drew Yeah, that means we can't do it.

55:26 Adam All right, no big deal. I'm over that. I don't know. Let me do it.

55:30 Drew I'll do it.

55:31 Adam I understand.

55:32 Drew I'll do it.

55:33 Adam Here's the thing. All you spazzy 16-year-old guys out there, the only advice anyone can give you on how to get chicks is to get better at something that you're good at.

55:44 Drew Just worry about your own ass. Develop it.

55:47 Adam Yes. If you focus, if you look at how can I get more chicks by focusing on more chicks, it'll never work.

55:54 Drew One of the advantages though that men have in being men is that they can improve their number as it were.

56:00 Adam Right.

56:00 Drew They can improve their lot in life and thereby be more attractive.

56:04 Adam That's right.

56:04 Drew It's unfortunate that women can't do the same thing. Right. They can to a certain extent, but men really can change things dramatically that way. In terms of how they appear to women.

56:15 Adam Thank you.

56:15 Caller All right. Eric?

56:17 Adam Is Eric still there?

56:17 Drew Yeah, he's there. So is Zoe.

56:19 Adam Zoe, you there?

56:20 Caller Yep.

56:21 Adam All right. You have open relationship boyfriends. All right, Zoe, you're a 19-year-old woman.

56:27 Caller Yep.

56:27 Adam You like boys, do you?

56:29 Yeah, I kind of like boys.

56:32 Adam I don't know if you've been listening to the mysterious musically-inclined Eric. Even though he's in the retard classes, it doesn't mean he doesn't know what the ladies like.

56:42 I definitely was listening to the vocal stylings of Eric over here.

56:45 Adam He's good. He's real good. And as a 19-year-old, I know you love Jimmy Buffet.

56:50 He's great.

56:51 Adam All right. So Eric?

56:53 Caller Yeah.

56:54 Adam How about, Mayor, you're telling us at the top of the call that you can bust a little freestyle rhyme.

57:00 Caller Yeah.

57:00 Adam A little poetry. Off the cuff, as it were, for the ladies. Obviously, they eat it up with a fork and spoon. So how about a little something for Zoe?

57:08 Caller All right. Let me. Thanks. You're the beautiful girl. So I'm going to call her Princess. Oh, my princess, I give my heart so true. As I rest my lips upon yours, my love belongs to you. But I fear one kiss is not enough. I give my I hope to give my whole world to show thee my love. Where's the fragrance sky above?

57:28 Adam Okay, that's enough. Now, keep going. Keep going.

57:32 Drew The fragrance sky. You're good.

57:33 Adam You're doing good.

57:34 Caller Like the beautiful ground below or the fragrance sky above when like the angel when it meets the dove's eye.

57:39 Drew He's gay. Wow. Maybe we got to do a little little.

57:43 Caller Yeah. Little.

57:43 Adam Now. Now. Here's what I want you to do, Eric. I want you to do the exact same thing, but don't put a question mark behind each word. Do you know what I mean? I want you to underline each word. I want you to sell it because I think Zoe is starting to soften up just a little bit. I want you to try it again and I want you to really sell it. All right? Like what? I want you to sell your words. I don't want you to put a question mark behind it. No.

58:13 Drew No.

58:13 Caller No.

58:13 Adam I mean what I want you to do. Some feeling, some passion.

58:16 Drew Music cues, I soothe, I abuse.

58:19 Adam Listen to what Drew does. Go ahead, Drew.

58:22 Drew I'm going to be underlining every word.

58:25 Adam What? I want you to really feel it and believe it this time. Yeah. Okay. Hang on one second.

58:47 Drew Just recover from my thing here.

58:48 Adam Eric? Go ahead. One more time.

58:52 Caller I don't understand what you mean. Like, just like.

58:54 Adam Well, look, I want you to do it with feeling, you idiot.

58:56 Caller How will that help? So like, like if, if you give me a chance, I know this will work, that I'll.

59:08 Drew I won't prove to be such a jerk?

59:12 Caller Yeah. I'll be true to you no matter what, as long as you be true to me.

59:15 Adam Yeah, but Eric, do you hear what I'm saying? Which is he doesn't.

59:18 Caller He doesn't hear it.

59:20 Adam All I'm hearing is the words come from you. I'm not feeling it. I want to feel it. And act. And action.

59:29 Caller I know this will work. I know this will work like that.

59:33 Adam You understand what I'm. What are you? How old are you? I'm just saying I want the feeling. I want the emotion. That's what women respond to. Hold on. Zoe, you respond to the feelings, right? More than the words.

59:44 Caller Oh, for sure.

59:45 Adam One more time, Eric. And action.

59:48 Caller I know this will work. If you just give me the chance.

59:51 Adam Yeah.

59:52 Caller You will see how great a man I am. It's not just me saying crap. It's true.

59:58 Adam Let it out.

59:59 Caller If you give me that chance, I will show you the damn world.

1:00:03 Adam Yes.

1:00:04 Caller I lose the rhyme, though.

1:00:05 Caller I will show you anything you want. Anything you desire. Anything your heart desires. And you have to give me that chance like that.

1:00:13 Adam Yeah. That's good. Don't end with like that and make it rhyme again.

1:00:16 Drew Back to the poetry.

1:00:17 Caller Yeah.

1:00:17 Adam You get back to the rhyming part. Now you're just begging to get laid at this point. Come on, baby. Let me get your pants. It's been 11 years.

1:00:26 Caller All right.

1:00:27 Adam Come on. One more. One more with the rhyme and the feeling. Maybe we can get through the show, Drew. All right. The phones are cut out. Go ahead, Eric. One more time. Ready? And act. That was pretty solid.

1:00:43 Drew Good job.

1:00:43 Adam All right. Get rid of Eric. I hope that was important, Eric. I hope you learned something. The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is.

1:00:52 Drew You see that? It's your oyster.

1:00:54 Adam But I said it with passion. Zoe?

1:00:56 Yeah?

1:00:57 Adam What's your problem, baby doll?

1:00:58 All right. So I got this boyfriend, for lack of a better word. I've been with him for a little over a year, maybe like a year and three months or so. And when I hooked up with him, he was with his ex-girlfriend, his now ex-girlfriend.

1:01:11 Drew So he cheated on his ex-girlfriend with you?

1:01:14 No, no, no. It was a total like hippie open relationship kind of thing.

1:01:18 Drew As far as he was concerned, we don't know what her version of that was. No, no, no.

1:01:21 We were very aware of what her version was because she was right there.

1:01:25 Drew Oh.

1:01:25 Yeah. For a while, we were doing the like sharing a bed thing and that was really interesting. But then it got ugly and we went our separate ways.

1:01:34 Drew That is not a hippie thing. That is crazy f'd up relationship.

1:01:38 Adam Oh, hippies are crazy f'd up. Were you getting it on with her too?

1:01:41 No, but yeah, not no, no.

1:01:45 Adam Yeah, a little bit.

1:01:46 You would have liked to.

1:01:48 Adam I would have liked to? He would have liked to.

1:01:50 She would have liked to.

1:01:51 Adam She would have liked to.

1:01:52 Yeah.

1:01:52 Adam You're hot.

1:01:53 Drew Yeah. That is crazy stuff.

1:01:55 Adam Oh, you're calling from San Francisco?

1:01:57 Yeah.

1:01:58 Drew How's the weather?

1:01:58 Adam What was the weather like today?

1:01:59 Oh, it's great. It was like 60 something degrees.

1:02:04 Drew Oh, Zoe, stop.

1:02:07 I have a hoodie on and some flip pants, Adam.

1:02:12 Adam I have to sleep nude with my ass cheeks pried apart with a number two pencil. Do you understand?

1:02:21 Drew With a fan blowing on it.

1:02:22 Adam I have the ceiling fan going. I have the air going. I have my cheeks spread apart with a number two pencil that's bending and making that sound where it's about to snap. And I have to have I have a pulley on my ceiling with a piece of fishing string that keeps my sack up off my thighs. Otherwise it will spot well to them. It is so goddamn hot in this city. Sixty something degrees with a nice, nice wind breeze, nice big wind blowing.

1:02:53 Drew Look at that pack bill you're going out.

1:02:55 Adam Oh, you're wearing them sweatpants, huh?

1:02:57 Drew And a hoodie.

1:02:58 Adam Hoodie. Hoodie. Probably using a muff. All right.

1:03:03 Drew Oh, smoke a little pot.

1:03:04 Adam Smoke a little pot.

1:03:07 Drew Sorry?

1:03:07 Adam The phone keeps cutting out. Do you smoke a little weed?

1:03:12 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:03:13 Adam It's too hot to even smoke pot. I had to drink a pot.

1:03:16 Drew Strangely, it's a little more than hearing those, Zoe, because we hear it on you.

1:03:18 Adam I had to drink a pot smoothie today to get my weed.

1:03:25 Anyway, so there's a little bit of the background. So then after we hooked up and became officially boyfriend and girlfriend and all that.

1:03:36 Adam Zoe had to drop the S-bomb on the air.

1:03:39 Drew We were doing so well, too.

1:03:41 Adam We were. All my talking and her listening. And see what happens when you let people talk to her? They disappoint.

1:03:47 Drew Yeah, always.

1:03:47 Adam How many times have I got to tell you?

1:03:49 Drew Yeah, you're right.

1:03:51 Adam I kind of feel bad for Zoe. She's like a stoner. She's from San Francisco. She doesn't know the S-bomb is bad.

1:03:55 Drew Bad boundaries. Bad boundaries.

1:03:57 Adam Really?

1:03:58 Drew Let's finish it.

1:03:59 Adam Let's talk to her. All right. So Zoe, no more cussing, please.

1:04:02 I promise I will never do it again.

1:04:04 Adam All right. So now you're with the same guy. And what's the problem?

1:04:09 Well, he's bringing up the open relationship thing again. Except this time it's more like he wants me to date other people. And so far throughout our entire relationship, you know, I've been monogamous because that's the way I am.

1:04:21 Drew Zoe, here's... Let me translate. What he's telling you is, I'm done with this relationship, but I'd like to keep having sex with you. That is what he's telling you. I as God as my witness, that is the message.

1:04:35 Well, at the same time, we're about to move in together.

1:04:38 Drew He would like... Don't do that for you. It's a bad plan. But he would like to keep having sex with you.

1:04:43 Adam Well, no, yes, there's two things. I would like to start banging other chicks and continue banging you. Or, or B, I'm kind of done with this relationship.

1:04:55 Drew Yeah. Nobody's kind of done and he'd like to continue.

1:04:58 Adam Yeah, but I'm also just kind of done. Like I'm doing the kind of thing that's going to get you to pipe up and go, oh, well, mister, you can take and pack your bags.

1:05:06 Drew Yeah, but he's used to these crazy relationships. He's had this with that last girlfriend.

1:05:10 Adam All right. That's enough. What does this guy do to wear a choker? I don't trust this guy.

1:05:16 Drew What does he do for a living?

1:05:18 Various artistic endeavor.

1:05:20 Adam One of those fags.

1:05:22 Yeah.

1:05:22 Adam I don't like this guy. He's probably got some sort of gay choker necklace he wears.

1:05:27 He has his nipple pierced, does that count?

1:05:30 Drew With a chain between.

1:05:32 Adam Can't stand these guys. You can be fag. You can be a fag and, you know, be with chicks. One of these guys, super skinny, right?

1:05:42 No, he's actually really well built.

1:05:45 Adam Oh really? No, I really hate him.

1:05:47 He played football a lot when he was little.

1:05:50 Adam I know. There's this, well we've talked about this before, like you can have tremendous calves. We played a couple years of Pop Warner from age nine to age 11. And you're in your thirties now. Why do you have such nice calves, man? I played some Pop Warner. Oh, wow, I've been working out for years, can't get them to move. Yeah, should have played that Pop Warner ball. For 12 months. All right. I hate this guy. Break up with him. Yeah, yeah, well, nothing. If you have an ounce of dignity, you'll break up with him. It's not going to work. Are there other options? What?

1:06:21 Drew Are there other options? Yeah, you can keep having sex with him and dating him and be miserable. Yeah, he'll break your heart. But do not move in. Do not. People like this...

1:06:29 Well, what if I'm not miserable in an open relationship? I just want to consider... No, you are.

1:06:33 Adam You wouldn't even call us. You will be. You will be, because you're not as effed up as many of our callers.

1:06:40 Oh, I am. I just don't show it.

1:06:41 Adam All right. We'll just get... I'm telling you, you're heading for fall, and you guys moving in is a horrible idea, especially since this guy is one of those artsy guys who doesn't do anything. You're going to have to... He just doesn't do it on the... You were going to be supporting the two of you.

1:06:57 No, he supports me, actually. I don't do anything. I go to school. All right.

1:07:01 Adam Well, soak this sap dry, then. Don't bother us, then, if you're just going to do what you're going to do. But believe me, here's the problem. Okay, here's what I'm going to say. There's a lot of just a-hole posers in this world. They like you to think you're this kind of guy. I got a tribal tattoo.

1:07:21 Drew That's the problem, is that our world allows people like that their BS. It's like they're raps, they're, oh, really? Oh, you into open relationships?

1:07:29 Adam Oh, that... Yeah.

1:07:30 Caller Nice.

1:07:31 Adam I got this tribal tattoo here. This means strength. This second band means unity. Oh, shut up, you homo. Who you kidding with your racks on the roof of your car and your goddamn mountain bikes and your tribal tattoos? I'm really into this. I'm really into spirituality. Want to do a bump of Coke? You want another cigarette? Really into this. Oh, shut up. I hate you posers. And yes, everybody buys your crap and your rap, by the way. That's the problem. But here's the part. It never works in a relationship because you don't have to convince anybody. You know what I mean? These people, their whole life is about convincing people that they're artistic, that they're deep, that they're interested, that they're troubled, that they're spiritual, and it does because people are half interested and they're half stupid and it's easy to sell them all this crap. But then you get in a relationship and it doesn't work. You can't pass it. And the chicks try to do it, too. Hey, I'm from San Francisco, I'm Zoey, I like to smoke the weed, it's all cool, I'm a tractor of the artist. No, man, I mean, I'm open. I'm not uptight. It won't work. Try to fool yourself. You can't do it. On the outside, you may be the hippest, coolest, most progressive, most left-wing sort of transsexual, what do they call it now? Metrosexual. You may be everything. On the inside, everybody in a relationship is just super nerd. That's all you are. And you can't fool yourself. You try. It works for a couple months. You talk yourself into it. It doesn't work. Then you call this show, you try to talk us into it. Not going to work. Have fun. Move in with him. He'll start banging the neighbor. You'll see how long you last. Enjoy. Remember where you heard it. All right. We're taking a break. We'll be right back.

1:09:30 Caller Love Line is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom.

1:09:33 Caller The most trusted for over 80 years.

1:09:42 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

1:09:50 Drew That's a nice effect.

1:09:51 Adam Wasn't it this time last week I announced to you I never get sick?

1:09:54 Drew Yes.

1:09:55 Adam Drew said-

1:09:56 Drew And you wouldn't give me the flu shot.

1:09:57 Adam Drew said, let me give you a flu shot. I said, I don't get sick.

1:10:01 Drew Ever, never. When was the last time I got sick?

1:10:03 Adam I never get sick. Yeah, but the flu shot wouldn't have done any good for what I have. I don't have the flu.

1:10:11 Drew Branch Davidians.

1:10:13 Adam Now the Branch Davidians.

1:10:14 Drew Ray-Lions.

1:10:15 Adam Ray-Lions. Yeah, Drew and I were just talking about all these cults and the David Caresh's and the Jones's and the Branch Davidians and the Ray-Lions now. And whenever they do a little bit of scratching beneath the surface, the one through line of all these cults is it's always a dude who's running the thing. It's always a dude. The guy's never, the guy's not 19.

1:10:39 Drew No, never. He's not in college.

1:10:41 Adam Never.

1:10:41 Drew And he's never.

1:10:42 Adam He's never anything.

1:10:44 Drew Yeah, he's never a servant of an alpha male type.

1:10:45 Adam Not much to look at. Yeah, he's a guy who's in his later 40s, early 50s, kind of narrow around the shoulders and kind of rolled and skinny arms. The kind of guy got picked on a little bit in high school. Never was much with the ladies. It wasn't banging the captain of the cheerleaders. And so now the guy's in his 40s and he's taking a look at his life and he says, well, let's see, I'm a bus driver. I make $31,000 a year. I got a fat wife. I don't get laid much. How am I gonna get laid? How am I gonna bang an endless number of runaways? I gotta bang runaways. I gotta bang 14 and 15 year olds. How am I gonna do it? Ah, start a cult. Every one of these cults, the through line is the one dude banging basically disenfranchised women. So here's the deal. You were in an abusive relationship because your dad abused you. You flee your abusive husband. You and your 13 year old and your nine year old daughters. Ah, we welcome you into the cult with open arms. For your know, I'm teaming you and your daughters.

1:11:51 Drew It's all the way back to Rasputin.

1:11:53 Adam That's how it works, yeah. I got a boner, I gotta start a cult. I got a full sack, I gotta start a cult.

1:12:00 Drew Please put that on a reel.

1:12:02 Adam That's how they do it. And then every time they do one of these news stories, they sorta talk, oh yay, he banged my 13-year-old daughters. But anyway, let's get back to the part where he's preaching the gospel. You really don't wanna just focus on the whole reason, the motivation behind the cult, which is, find me a cult that was a chick leading it. Find me a cult that was a good-looking, strapping 22-year-old college quarterback type. Find me a cult where it wasn't just some-

1:12:30 Drew You and Charles Manson, that's all he was doing.

1:12:32 Adam Yeah, every cult leader is a male who's interested in banging the bejesus out of multitudes of women and their daughters. That's what it is. How come, by the way, how come there's not much focus on that? Yeah, it's like, well, they believe that Martians came down. He believed he liked to bang people. In this other cult, he believed he was the prophet Jeb, who was then born into- Yeah, he liked to bang 13-year-olds.

1:13:04 Drew Jebediah Johnson.

1:13:06 Adam Yes, he liked to bang the bejesus out of underage chicks. That's his belief system. Stop focusing on whatever retarded smoke screen he put up to get the chicks in. The rest of the stuff is just him getting chicks in there. It's always the same dude. It's 40-something-year-old guys who bang the bejesus out of underage. And look, they all get a bullet in their head, or they die, or they burn. Good, good, good, good. Ryan? Rapists, retards, please. And why is it when someone cracks a Bible and starts spouting some nonsense from it, somehow there's some validity there? Well, in his belief system, and what about his belief system? A guy had a tumor the size of a dodo egg in his head that just made him bang 13-year-olds and spout the narcissism. I wish they had a tumor. Grandiose crap from the Bible, please. Someone should have put a bullet in his head years ago. Should have put it in his head when he was in high school, all those idiots. Thank you. Go ahead, Ryan.

1:14:06 Caller I got two quick questions. My girlfriend forgets to take a pill one day.

1:14:11 She what?

1:14:13 Caller If she forgets to take the pill. Yeah.

1:14:15 Just one day.

1:14:16 Drew She's on birth control pill.

1:14:17 Right, right.

1:14:18 Drew And if she skips a pill.

1:14:19 Caller Should we be using, what's that?

1:14:21 Drew She should double up the next day and you should use a condom for the rest of the month.

1:14:25 Caller For the rest of the month?

1:14:26 Drew Yeah. But she doubles down, doubles down on the pill the next day.

1:14:30 Adam So the rest of the month, though, it's just like nine days. How many days in October? The other one?

1:14:36 Drew She doesn't necessarily start on the first of the month, you know what I'm saying? Started the pill once she started the pill.

1:14:41 Adam Is it sad that I'm 39 and I don't know, there's 31 days in October?

1:14:45 Drew No, it took me until about 39 to figure that out.

1:14:48 Adam Really? Nice. What else did I look forward to learning?

1:14:52 Drew Spring forward, fall back.

1:14:54 Adam What was that? Yeah, Ryan?

1:14:57 Caller Yeah, I'm moving to Canada soon.

1:15:00 Adam Yeah, oh man, it was probably cool there today.

1:15:03 Drew Look where he is now. Oh yeah. Why are you moving to Canada?

1:15:09 Caller What?

1:15:09 Drew Why are you moving to Canada?

1:15:11 Caller I'm going to college at the end.

1:15:12 Adam Once it jumps and falls.

1:15:14 Drew Is he going to McGill or something?

1:15:16 Caller I'm going to go to a specialty school for graphic design and visual effects.

1:15:21 Adam Huh, nice. How hot was it in Tucson today?

1:15:25 Caller A hundred, probably, near a hundred.

1:15:28 Caller It's pretty damn hot.

1:15:29 Drew It's hotter here.

1:15:30 Adam No, yeah, more miserable here than in Tucson, but please, you gotta be, you gotta be retarded to live in Arizona. Horrible hot state. All right, move to Canada, like a human being.

1:15:41 Caller There's Loveline on up there.

1:15:43 Drew Is it on up there?

1:15:44 Caller Yeah.

1:15:45 Drew In Vancouver. Did suddenly Ryan come from Australia?

1:15:50 Caller No.

1:15:50 Drew Suddenly in Australia?

1:15:51 Adam No, I thought he came from Canada. He sounded Canadian.

1:15:54 Caller I came from Virginia.

1:15:56 Adam Okay.

1:15:57 Caller My question, they're going to my PECA.

1:15:58 Caller Yeah, that's right.

1:16:00 Adam Hey, I don't know where we're on in Canada.

1:16:04 Drew Vancouver, Vancouver.

1:16:05 Adam Vancouver? And maybe you could...

1:16:06 Drew That's where we got in trouble.

1:16:09 Adam Oh, because of the Holocaust thing. Yeah.

1:16:15 Drew Yeah, don't.

1:16:17 Adam Do we want to get in it?

1:16:18 Drew No.

1:16:18 Adam No. Okay, we got into trouble because of somebody... Oh, who cares? It's something to do with the Holocaust, but as usual, we're making fun of the...

1:16:26 Drew Well, we're making fun of people for not understanding how horrible this was, not having any understanding. And industry.

1:16:31 Adam And of getting us in trouble in Vancouver. All right, no other part of Canada?

1:16:35 Drew Well, it was the Canadian Broadcasting Group.

1:16:38 Adam Can't you pick stuff up from, I don't know, Detroit?

1:16:41 Drew Yeah, you can come maybe over to...

1:16:43 Adam Where are you going in Canada? Toronto. Vancouver. What happened, what happened?

1:16:50 Caller My question... They're going to my PECA.

1:16:52 Adam Listen, Mick, what's going on with that dialect of yours?

1:16:57 Drew Say Vancouver, Vancouver.

1:17:00 Caller Vancouver, I'm going to Vancouver.

1:17:04 Adam Okay, something happened, something happened. All right, all right, so go there and try to find us. And if you can't find us, what do you go, on the internet or something?

1:17:15 Drew I guess, yeah.

1:17:16 Adam What can you do on the internet?

1:17:17 Drew I think Portland has something on the internet. Can RK?

1:17:19 Adam Do something on the internet. All right, buddy.

1:17:22 Drew Good times.

1:17:23 Adam Good times. I think there's like some websites you could hear like drops and stuff. Oh. No, once in a while my wife comes home and tells me there's internet stuff.

1:17:39 Drew How does she know about it?

1:17:41 Adam She looks for it or something.

1:17:43 Drew She looks for our show on the internet?

1:17:44 Adam This is all these websites and stuff. Like unofficial stuff. Quotes and audio drops and all that kind of stuff.

1:17:50 Drew She's pretty busy over there at ABC, I guess. So she's looking around for...

1:17:53 Adam Oh, believe me. Look, I don't know how to get into it, but here's where all sources of arguments happen with men and women, you know. My wife's in New York a couple weeks ago. For some reason, here's, by the way, why chicks don't get paid as much as guys, either. Every chick I've ever known can just sort of magically take off work whenever she wants. Have you noticed this, Drew? Like, they stay up too late, there's some bridal shower on a Wednesday night, like Thursday, every girl in my house is like, yeah, I'm not going in. What do you mean you're not going in? I went to bed at 2.30, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna stay in. Oh, don't you have to go to work? I know, I got sick days, I got personal days. So I was like, I don't know what that is. Like, we haven't caught up to busting, maybe they don't have balls to bust. Maybe we can't bust vulvas or something. But my wife's always like, yeah, I gotta go to a funeral for some distant, some friends, distant relative. It's like, ah, it's a little bit of a drive. I don't think I'm going in. I said, you just missed a week like last week. Yeah, I got personal days. Look, don't you have to show up at work eventually? I got days. Okay, all right. That 70% for each dollar we get should be less. I don't know a woman who hasn't cried at work. Women cry at work, do you understand that? Frequently, I would reckon to say that most women have cried multiple times at their job. Like probably an average of like 3.6 times a year.

1:19:34 Drew And it's not about their work, they get overwhelmed or something about something that comes through to them while they're at work or whatever.

1:19:40 Adam It could be a whole host of things.

1:19:41 Drew Whatever, yeah.

1:19:42 Adam A fair amount of crying and definitely a fair amount of like me days. Yes, that's why you guys get paid less. It's fine. Like I said, you're angry that it's 70 cents on the dollar? So am I. I'm thinking more like 55, 60 cents. I know Drew feels the same way. Joe, it's an outrage. I agree with you guys. You should be getting less. Joe, you're 25, what's up?

1:20:07 Caller Hey Adam, by the way, did you remember Bogwan Sheree in Oregon? That was another cult that was going around. He drove around these Rolls Royce and had a big, big.

1:20:17 Drew Oh yeah, yeah.

1:20:18 Caller Oh yeah, yeah.

1:20:19 Adam Yeah.

1:20:19 Caller It's just like you were saying, had all the girls all the time.

1:20:23 Drew The Rolls Royce's with like the sky paintings on the side stuff, right?

1:20:26 Caller Exactly.

1:20:27 Adam Yeah. And all they, and it all just heads, every one of the, all their beliefs, they have a multitude of different beliefs, it all heads to the sack.

1:20:37 Drew The Johns, the Schwoz.

1:20:38 Adam It all heads to the Schwoz. It's like over here, it's like one of those family trees. All of the Branch Davidians believe this, and the Rayleans believe that, and David Koresh believes this. All heads right to their dicks. That's all their belief.

1:20:54 Caller Pow!

1:20:55 Adam Right in the balls. Please, how come no one ever talks about this?

1:21:01 Caller And I want to make another comment for you and Drew too, is I think you guys would do an awesome PSA if you would start some PSA commercials regarding smoke alarms and batteries instead of the ones that are on airline turbulence that I hear every now and then on the radio. Oh yeah.

1:21:16 Adam Well, what's a bigger problem? I mean, Drew, tell me, how many millions of more people are killed from airline turbulence each year than home fires?

1:21:26 Caller Well, I know a lot of people that make fun of that nowadays because of the way you guys make fun of it. So, we'll do a better job on that.

1:21:33 Adam Yeah, God forbid, I'll tell you what I'd do a PSA, we were talking about this last night on auto-erotic asphyxiation. Yeah. I mean, there's gotta be thousands of teenage boys who die each year choking themselves and beating off.

1:21:45 Drew It's true, and women too.

1:21:46 Caller And how many die from turbulence?

1:21:48 Drew That's right.

1:21:49 Adam Well, I mean, if you took the numbers that die from secondhand smoke and turbulence, airplane turbulence, I mean, it's well into the millions.

1:21:56 Drew It would dwarf everything else.

1:21:57 Adam Yeah, I mean, who doesn't know a person who either directly or indirectly hasn't been touched by airplane turbulence? I mean, everyone knows someone who's passed that way.

1:22:08 Drew Profound loss.

1:22:09 Adam Some people, entire families have gone that way. Yeah, it's bad.

1:22:14 Drew Oh, Joe's up down at Portland. You know it's 65 degrees up there too.

1:22:17 Adam What's it like there?

1:22:18 Caller We're having a really heat wave here too in the Springfield, Eugene area too. It's like 75 here.

1:22:23 Adam It's really 75, 75. Oh, you poor dears. What's up, Joe?

1:22:30 Caller You know, I got this girlfriend that I've been seeing for about a year and we were just talking and she thinks, you know, I mentioned that I've masturbated too since we've been together and she just thinks that's like totally weird and wrong. And I don't know, she almost thinks like that I'm doing that because I don't want to be with her or you know, I'm not cheating on her or something like that.

1:22:53 Drew Women do not appreciate what that is for a male. Now, strange enough, I was thinking about this one.

1:22:59 Adam One more reason they should get 50 cents on the dollar.

1:23:01 Drew I was thinking to myself, you know, women do have pretty good instincts about relationships and I wonder if in a perfect relationship, a guy wouldn't do that. You know what I mean? If he was getting his every need met, he wouldn't masturbate, you think?

1:23:12 Adam If she was on a mechanics, hold on.

1:23:15 Drew Hang on, hang on.

1:23:16 Adam If she was on a mechanics creeper on her knees, under his overcoat, blowing him as he pushed her along the sidewalk and went to work and had a van customized to accommodate her, or he worked the brakes and the clutch on the steering wheel because she was constantly sucking him. I think in that, if that's what you're talking about, then she should understand, yeah, then he wouldn't need to.

1:23:40 Drew Then that relationship would not have to match.

1:23:41 Adam Not in my mechanics creeper relationship.

1:23:46 Drew Yes, the ever blow relationship.

1:23:49 Adam Yes, for the perpetual circle of blowing. But Joe, you're an honest guy, you're a smart guy, and you're girly, well, here's what you gotta do, lie.

1:24:02 Caller But they tell you they want you to be honest with them. They want to know everything deep about you, so you do that and then you get screwed in the end.

1:24:10 Adam No, they don't want you to be honest with them. They want to be the kind of person who makes the proclamation, I want you to be honest with me, but they don't actually want you to be honest.

1:24:19 Drew I think that she needs to come to terms with how a male's brain works. And she needs to accept that and she needs to understand that it is a normal and natural thing for a guy to do that in any relationship. And although I was trying to reason it out this morning whether or not there are perfect relationships where that wouldn't happen, guys have such a need for diversity and they're so visually inclined that their brain will require them to do this kind of thing a certain amount of times.

1:24:44 Adam Yeah.

1:24:45 Drew Regularly. They will. That's just the way your brain is wired.

1:24:47 Adam Well, I mean...

1:24:48 Drew There's a book out there now called What Could He Be Thinking? Or something like that. A guy named Grain or Gurian wrote it and it's a nice little primer on these things. Get her to read that.

1:24:59 Adam Yeah, well let me say this Drew. Don't you think it's healthy? I mean, if you take a guy and you sort of try to contain him, a guy who's maybe biologically wants to spread his seed around, best to spread his own seed on his belly or perhaps the Ottoman Walls watching a video.

1:25:19 Drew Thank you, Drew.

1:25:20 Adam That's all I needed. I am, okay, I'm done. I got it now. All right, we'll be right back after this.

1:25:28 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:35 Caller Love Line on 94.7 NRK.

1:25:40 Caller Get it!

1:25:40 Adam Get it?

1:25:40 Caller Let's.

1:25:52 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. All right, buddy boy, what do you say? Jump back into the phones, let's go now. That was everything. Mike.

1:26:05 Hello?

1:26:06 Adam You're 23.

1:26:07 Caller Yes.

1:26:08 Adam Ooh, you're calling from Palo Alto.

1:26:10 Caller Yeah.

1:26:11 Adam What was the temperature like there today?

1:26:12 Caller It was like 76 today.

1:26:15 Adam Oh.

1:26:15 Caller No, no, I'm from LA, so I understand what you guys are going through. Yeah.

1:26:18 Drew You going to Stanford or something? What are you doing?

1:26:20 Caller Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

1:26:22 Adam Yeah, but not, by the way, not this deep. I mean, you know what it's like in LA when it's hot, but you don't know what it's like a week away from Halloween and burning.

1:26:32 Drew We figure, we actually-

1:26:33 Caller No, no, I grew up in LA.

1:26:34 Drew No, no, no, but Mike, we did too. I know, so do we. We've never seen anything like this. We decided, the problem is that the summer has been so long and so hot that the sort of heat capacitance of the ground has changed. And there's really, there's no more water in the ground, there's no more water in the mountains here, we scorched the earth. There's no more sort of, no more snow in the Sierras to kind of bring some water down to the, some sort of.

1:26:57 Adam And the God is punishing us.

1:26:58 Drew It's like this radiant heat coming off the ground now in addition to what it is.

1:27:01 Adam It's really, this is, it's like, it's crazy hot. This is like Atlanta and Sherman has just passed.

1:27:08 Drew Scorched earth, yeah.

1:27:09 Adam Scorched earth. Go ahead, Mike.

1:27:11 Caller Well, I have a question about open relationships. I was wondering if in your experience or experience of other people that you know, if they've ever worked.

1:27:18 Adam Never, never.

1:27:19 Drew They work for short periods of time, but they never stay working.

1:27:23 Adam But they work depending on what you want. Like if you're a dude and you're in college and you want to get laid for a good six months and have a little bit of a romp. It'll work. And you're not particularly in love with either one of the girls, it's great.

1:27:36 Drew And if you have no conscience, because eventually somebody's going to get stuck on you and going to get hurt.

1:27:41 Adam Right. Or if it's like one of those things where there's some foreign exchange chick and she's staying for one semester before she goes back to Greece, you know, that's the, you know, but if it's a situation and it works much better for guys than it does for girls. But why is that?

1:27:57 Drew And it doesn't necessarily, because I think the guys are just about as likely as the girls to get hooked in a real intimate relationship like that.

1:28:05 Adam I think guys have that capacity, especially young guys, but guys are able to, if they're not in love, heading in.

1:28:14 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:28:14 Adam No, I mean, you could find two girls, perpetually swing with them and never have feelings for them if you didn't have them in the beginning. You're right. And then the women will grow into it and develop into it. And that's why it makes them more susceptible to it. What do you got going, Mike?

1:28:29 Caller Well, I'm in a long distance relationship right now. We've been together for over two years, and then I'm on this coast, and she's on the East Coast working.

1:28:39 Adam Where's your lady? What city?

1:28:41 Caller She's in DC.

1:28:42 Adam Oh, I wonder what it was like there today. Probably cool, right? It's cold.

1:28:47 Caller It's like in the high 40s.

1:28:49 Adam Drew, you hear that? High 40s.

1:28:51 Drew I'm going to our nation's capital.

1:28:51 Adam They're mocking us in the nation's capital. So you're saying you're in the 70s. Yeah. And this other girl, where's she from? What's her climate like? She in the 70s?

1:29:03 Caller Oh, no, no, no. I haven't started.

1:29:05 Adam Are you looking for another girl?

1:29:06 Drew No, you're trying to decide what to do with this one.

1:29:08 Caller No, no, actually I'm not. She brought it up.

1:29:10 Drew Oh, bad sign.

1:29:11 Caller She brought it up. Bad sign.

1:29:12 Drew She's already dating somebody.

1:29:14 Adam She's blown a senator.

1:29:15 Caller No, no, no, I really don't think she is. The reason is being that she has asked about it maybe like three weeks ago and she can be sort of iffy as far as the, she sort of, not flip-flops, but yeah, I guess flip-flops on how into the relationship she is.

1:29:35 Adam She gets lost sometimes. She's flopped.

1:29:37 Caller She comes back into it.

1:29:38 Adam She's not that into it, not that into it.

1:29:40 Drew Yeah, you're torching yourself.

1:29:42 Adam Yeah, sorry, buddy.

1:29:43 Drew These long distance relationships.

1:29:44 Adam She's in DC you're in Palo Alto, you're up north, it's not gonna work.

1:29:48 Caller What are you studying?

1:29:52 Adam I can't say, it's a small department, so. Here's the thing. He's majored in PWIPT. Emphasis on ass kissing. No, here's the thing, Mike, I'm telling you, I know you're going to Stanford, you think you're smart. And you are smart. Quite down, Drew. But we know, you got a girl that's in DC and she's telling you, I'm thinking about, what do you think about open relationship? That's it. If she's not seeing somebody, she's got her eye on somebody.

1:30:23 Drew The bullpen is, she's made the call to the bullpen already.

1:30:26 Adam Yeah, and all you gotta do is say, yeah, how about an open relationship? She'll hang up the phone with you, hang up the phone, pick up the phone with the guy. It's done. I'm telling you, it's all right. You're going to Stanford at 70 degrees. Got a nice cool breeze blowing in off the bay.

1:30:43 Drew Mike will have the last laugh, I suspect.

1:30:46 Adam Hey, even if he doesn't, he's going, he's in Stanford, he's got those chicks around. Just enjoy, don't get caught up. Nobody get caught up in that long distance thing.

1:30:54 Drew Not at that age. It just keeps yourself tied up at a time when you shouldn't be tied up. You need to be living life in the vicinity where your life is.

1:31:03 Adam Right.

1:31:04 Drew Now, so Adam, remember how we started this show? Have you signed the book yet?

1:31:08 Adam Yeah, I did, Jack. Yeah, why, you want to look? Yeah, open that up. Look at Drew. Drew's got a point to make.

1:31:16 Drew Good times.

1:31:17 Adam Yeah, see you there, jackass. Now, where are we? One more call, Drew, what do you say?

1:31:22 Drew How about the one that's been on call for 123 minutes that you were writing, line six.

1:31:25 Adam Line six?

1:31:26 Drew Look at line six, 123 minutes.

1:31:27 Adam Holy crap. They're calling from Oklahoma. I think it might be warm there.

1:31:31 Caller Matt? Yeah.

1:31:32 Adam What is the temperature in Oklahoma?

1:31:35 Caller Man, it's about, probably about 68 degrees.

1:31:39 Drew Oh, the humanity.

1:31:40 Adam Oh.

1:31:42 Drew What's the question?

1:31:43 Caller It feels pretty good here. I've recently been seeing a girl for about a week and a half and she received a call a couple days ago from her boyfriend, from me, that her boyfriend is bisexual and that he's HIV positive. Now me and her have been sexually active but we've been using condoms. I need to know what my chances are of actually having it or what I should do because I don't know.

1:32:09 Drew First you gotta find out if she's got it and if she doesn't have it, your chance of getting it is zero. If she does have it and you've been using condoms, particularly latex condoms, your chances are relatively low.

1:32:20 Adam Yeah, yeah, you're cool, buddy.

1:32:22 Drew But you gotta find out if she needs to be tested obviously.

1:32:26 Caller Can, with us sleeping together within a week and can we find out that quick if we have it or not or?

1:32:33 Drew Yes, she can find out if she has it very quickly, you can't.

1:32:36 Adam She can get a DNA test, right? Or he can get a DNA test.

1:32:39 Drew He doesn't matter, she needs to know if she has it.

1:32:41 Adam Yeah, first her. And you say it was in the 60s, during the day, is that the low, the high?

1:32:46 Caller It's night here right now. During the day, it's hot days, cold nights.

1:32:51 Adam In the 60s now, though?

1:32:53 Caller Yeah.

1:32:54 Adam Nice.

1:32:55 Caller It feels really good.

1:32:56 Adam Yeah, enjoy that. Shut up. Even if you have AIDS, I'm still envious.

1:33:00 Caller I really am. Yeah, I really mean it.

1:33:03 Adam No, I don't. I would trade AIDS for a little 60 degree weather.

1:33:07 Drew Nice. You know this way in the media right now, it's like, I didn't say AIDS, I said HIV infection.

1:33:12 Adam Yeah.

1:33:12 Drew They make a big deal out of that.

1:33:15 Adam Here's what I'd do. I'd give myself polio for about three days of rain.

1:33:21 Drew Yeah.

1:33:21 Adam Cancer for some snow. Oof. AIDS would be just a good, stiff, offshore breeze, bringing it down in the mid-60s, you know?

1:33:32 Drew Keeping it there. All right, let's go to break.

1:33:34 Adam I like to put a cap on, you know what I'm saying? And a muff. Let's start using a muff. Know what I'm saying, Drew? Ear muffs, hand muffs.

1:33:41 Drew A little muff thing like a little girl has.

1:33:43 Adam Yeah, it's just, mummy, this white flake's falling from the sky, that's called snow, dearest. Oh, what a joy. I must get a secondary muff. That's all right, I'll be back.

1:33:57 Caller Here it is.

1:33:58 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:34:01 Drew Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:34:03 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:04 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. LoveLine will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:34:45 Adam That's it, everybody.

1:34:47 Drew Back into the heat.

1:34:48 Adam Back to the heat. Into the oven, Drew.

1:34:50 Drew I'm ready.

1:34:52 Adam All right. Thank you all for putting up with us tonight. And until next time, this Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:16 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, October 21, 2003