Episode 1000576447451

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:59 It's Loveline.

1:00 I'm Adam.

1:06 Voiceover Caller phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician.

1:12 Drew Yeah, how's your weekend been?

1:14 Adam Ugh, I'm gonna kill myself.

1:16 Drew Why?

1:17 Adam It's so goddamn hot.

1:18 Drew Yes.

1:19 Adam It's killing me.

1:20 Drew Yes, yes.

1:20 Adam It's killing me, why? It's killing me.

1:22 It's killing me.

1:23 Drew I know.

1:24 Adam It's killing me.

1:25 Drew Yeah, it's taunting you.

1:26 Adam It's killing me.

1:26 Drew Yeah, it's not 88 degrees, it's 98, 101.

1:30 Adam It's killing me. It's killing me.

1:32 Drew It's killing me. Yes, I feel your pain.

1:33 Adam It's killing me. It's killing me, Drew.

1:35 Drew I'm so sorry, I really, I feel it. I know.

1:38 Adam I started heading down to the garage, I had to go down to the garage and get something about seven o'clock tonight. I opened the front door, blast of hot air hit me, my sweat dripping down the side of my face. I just turned to my wife, I just said it's killing me. It's killing me. I can't take it anymore.

1:55 Drew It's killing me.

1:57 Adam I'm going insane.

1:57 Drew It's meant for you.

2:00 Adam Went a big concrete pour at my house on Saturday. I was out in front of the truck, I'm cold in the hose and stuff, I'm sweating, sweat pouring down my face. I'm thinking it's killing me. It's killing me. It was 101 goddamn degrees yesterday.

2:14 Drew Yes.

2:16 Adam Oh.

2:16 Drew Yes, I'm with you.

2:18 Adam I'm so miserable. I, you know, it's, oh, it's so, it's just, I'm sweating everywhere I go, I'm sweating. I've had, I've had a horrible sore throat and like congestion all week. And the problem is, is I gotta have a fan blowing on me constantly so I'm inside and I'm, you know, the ceiling fan. Here's what, I'm a mouth breather, Drew.

2:45 Drew No.

2:46 Adam Yes.

2:47 Drew I'm shocked to hear that.

2:48 Adam You didn't know that about me.

2:48 Drew No, I guess, I thought that feeding you went through, that feeding phenomenon was some piece.

2:53 Adam Mouth breather. That's why I make a lot of noise when I eat. Because I gotta breathe and I gotta eat and sometimes even gotta talk. That's breathing, talking and eating at the same time. So Drew loves me on a plane.

3:05 Drew Through one orifice.

3:06 Adam Oh, so here's how I get a sore throat, which is I got the air blasting, I got the fan going and I have my mouth wide open. I sleep with my mouth like I'm trying to catch flies in there. That's why I don't, and I just get this horrible cotton mouth. And so when I get a sore throat, I'm screwed because I got to keep the fan going and I got to keep the air going because it's 82! Because it's 82 degrees outside! Oh, in the house, it's hotter than that. Upstairs, facing west, yes, 86 degrees up there. Got to keep the goddamn fan going. My mouth is wide open the whole night.

3:38 Caller It's like, it's too hot in here now.

3:42 Adam It's too hot now. I'm going nuts. I'm driving here. I got the air blasting in my car. I'm actually looking forward to getting in my cars. I walk from my house to my car at 9.30 at night. Oh, I can't wait to hop in the car. Cars from in the garage can be a little cooler. When's Halloween? What am I going to have to dress as? I'm going- A surfer. No, Britney Spears. I got to just wear a thong back and a tube top because it's going to be so goddamn hot. It's driving me insane. And it's musing with my mind. That's the thing.

4:17 Drew It's punishing me. Yes, yes.

4:20 Adam It mocks me. The sun mocks me.

4:22 Drew Yes. You try something. It's for you.

4:24 Adam It's so loud. I'm sweating now. And look, here's the thing, everybody. Some people are horny more than other people. Some people have bad breath and BO. Others don't smell bad. Some people have a vertical leap of 42 inches. Others, 12 inches. Some people are good at math.

4:42 Drew Yes.

4:42 Adam Some people are hot. I don't know why we don't, why can't people accept this and why can't this be a disease? I should be getting time up. I should be home collecting disability right now. You know, there's little, you know, there's people that are cold all the time, cute girls always with their nose or feet and everything. I'm hot all the time.

5:00 Drew Do you have the, do you have the pussy body temperature syndrome that I have? Which is when it's hot outside, I'm hot, it's intolerable, but when it's cold, I got to be in 85 degree heat.

5:09 Adam Well, I can do something about the cold. It's the heat and I'm working on my house and it's just sweats pouring down my face. So we're in the valley yesterday. It was a hundred and some odd. I visited my grandma. I got out of the car. It was like a hundred and two. She's sitting in a house. The Corollas don't believe in air conditioning because I'm just sitting in front of my grandma, spitting out cotton, schvitzing like a maniac. You know, you want to know what the ultimate white trash maneuver is. I'll tell you, this is the Corollas. The ice cube in front of her. Now, here's how you know. Here's how you know who's white trash and who isn't. How do they control the temperature of their environment? Now, super, super smart people make a lot of money, super elite. They heat the tile and cool the tile, like their towel racks are heated in their bathroom. That's at the top of the heating and cooling chain. You know what I'm saying? When I build my bathroom, I'm going to have a heated towel rack so that my towel, my monogram towels made out of the Egyptian cotton that come off hot. That's the top of that. The Corollas are the bottom. The Corollas are the ones that hook up the mini-oscillating fan that clamps onto the dashboard and plugs into the cigarette lighter because they can't afford air conditioning in their piece of crap car. That's the bottom. You know what I mean? That's the white trash. You see? You see? The Corollas have the indoor fan that sits up. You know, it's a 1995, it's the ones they advertise in front. It's not even in the store. There's a pile of them. There's like a pallet of them out front of the home center. They put them out there when it gets hot. All the stupid people can buy those.

6:42 Drew They buy those when they're sold at the...

6:43 Adam They buy those second hand. After, yeah.

6:46 Drew The sales, the garage sales.

6:48 Adam After the Mexican family torched the house because they're putting the hibachi in it for heating, that was the only thing left at the yard sale my mom could buy was that crazy oscillating fan that sits... And by the way, they don't sit right. They're always a little cockeyed. They got the three legs. You put them together. They're modular. They're six feet tall, but they come in a basket the size of a tackle box. You have to snap everything there. They make a weird noise. They make more noise than they do air. There's always the little... Here's what it is. It's the little badge on the front of it. It's a little piece of sheet metal that never sits right. It's always rattling, rattling, rattling, and it's oscillating. It's got big push buttons, big goofy push buttons. And here's the old thing about the oscillating fan. Too big a swath. Too big. Don't need to go 300 degrees on that. Just here. Keep it here. Boom, boom. Keep it right on me. Don't... No. Not cooling someone over there and cooling someone on that side of the room. Just keep it small. Turn down... But anyway, rattling. No air conditioning. Going insane. Going nuts, Drew. Spitting up oysters, sore throat. I'm just sitting on my sofa tonight and just like sitting there, I gotta motivate. That's all. That's all I do. This is my... When it's hot, I just sit on the sofa and I go, I gotta motivate. I gotta get something going. I gotta get something going. Then I start thinking. Cold shower. Cold shower. That'll do it. That'll get me going. Then I'm too weak to get off the sofa now. Everything sounds bad, too. Dinner sounds bad. You know, cooking, hot. No, don't turn the stove on. Honey, let's just have a smoothie for dinner. Let's have a nice ice cream. Let's get some ice cream and some papaya. Put some ice in there. It's going. It couldn't get any hotter. Here's the deal. Is this a record? Was yesterday a record?

8:44 Drew I can't imagine it wasn't.

8:46 Adam Over a hundred degrees? Deep October.

8:51 Drew Where are we going for Thanksgiving? I spent it at night.

8:57 Adam I spent it at night. I spent it at night. I spent it at night.

9:00 Drew I spent it at night. Oh, OK, OK, got it, got it.

9:03 Adam Going nuts!

9:03 Drew I wasn't exactly clear, but now I got it. I was with the Day Nuts Berry Farm.

9:07 Adam No, 180 degrees.

9:08 Drew 180 degrees, yep, had a delightful time. And I want to thank the people at the Day Nuts Berry Farm for making my kids' birthday fantastic.

9:13 Adam No, plus the kids.

9:15 Drew Well, listen, is that Halloween Haunt thing? They scared the S out of me. But it's kind of weird where you're going through these fun houses, which are elaborate. I mean, they're amazing and scary and can hold my kids. And the people with, like, with fox heads on and weird, crazy clown heads. They're just sweating in those things at that time. And I'm like, huh, they're starting to me. I'm walking over going, are you Dr. Drew? The crazy clown. What's the clown talking to you about?

9:40 Adam You can't go there during the day, can you?

9:42 Drew I went during the day. We did every single rollercoaster. And I wanted, yeah, you know, rollercoasters have gotten intense. Or maybe I've gotten old, but I wanted to vomit. My kids were like, oh, more, more.

9:53 Adam Drew, what are you wearing?

9:55 Drew This is what?

9:56 Adam What's stuck to your chest?

9:58 Drew Oh, I had dinner over there at Knott's Berry Farms. They let you in early.

10:02 Adam They give you the date?

10:03 Drew If you wear this little sticker, you get in early. Big buffet dinners.

10:08 Adam There had really no good ending to that story. Oh, wait a minute, hold on.

10:11 Drew Anyway, I want to thank Lupita. I think it's her last name. She would just set us up just fantastically.

10:16 Adam Yeah, all right.

10:16 Drew Very happy.

10:17 Adam Listen, we got to do this 28 days later promotion. Imagine, you think it's hot in Vegas? It can't be this hot.

10:26 Drew Well, you can.

10:26 Adam It's not as hot as here.

10:28 Drew It must be hotter. Just got back. It was 95. 95.

10:30 Adam Well, 95. It was 101 in the Valley yesterday. Okay, so here's what we're doing. All callers who get on the air tonight, and that's not going to be a lot of you because I'm not done talking about how hot it is. I'm really, I'm going nuts. Horrible. We'll get a DVD of the horror film 28 Days Later, which is a spectacular piece of filmmaking, Drew, yes? Yes.

10:55 Drew Different endings.

10:56 Adam Yeah. It's available on October 21st. What is that, tomorrow?

11:00 Drew The day after tomorrow.

11:02 Adam The day after tomorrow, Tuesday.

11:03 Drew Depends where you're listening to us.

11:04 Adam Yeah, it's got three alternative endings. Plus you'll qualify to win a room at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas from the time you arrive until 28 days later. You gotta be over 18 and we're gonna do, the promotion's gonna start on October 15th. Wait a minute, we already did that.

11:21 Drew We started it. How do they write that?

11:22 Adam Am I supposed to say that?

11:23 Drew No, Andy, Andy, it's transferable. Anyone you want to stay with you or in that room on your behalf can stay there. One plane ticket to get there. And Adam, it needs at least two days to chain the strip for up.

11:34 Adam Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, but this ends on October 26th, which I guess we should say.

11:41 Drew No, we're gonna announce it on October 26th.

11:43 Adam Well, but when does it end?

11:46 Drew 23rd.

11:47 Adam Oh, really? Oh, sorry, buddy. Hey, good times. All right, so you only have a few more days for this because 23rd's gonna be, I don't know, Thursday? Oh, that's so hot. I'm still hot. I'm hot from yesterday. You know, I'm like a piece of metal that isn't cooled. It's brutal. Nydia?

12:07 Yes?

12:08 Adam You're 17?

12:09 Yes. Okay, I have a question for Dr. Drew. I wanna know, like, ever since I had my daughter, that was like a year and a half ago, I've been getting like-

12:17 Drew When you were 15?

12:18 Adam Well, pregnant at 14. Give her a break.

12:20 No, I was pregnant at 15.

12:21 Adam Okay, she says with pride.

12:24 Yeah.

12:24 Adam She says with a shred of dignity.

12:26 But anyways, like, I've been having like bladder infections, kidney infections, and like yeast infections, and now I have like, I have the symptoms of a kidney infection, but they said it's nothing, so I wanna know if it could be something else.

12:39 Drew Did you tear during the delivery?

12:41 Yes.

12:42 Drew Yeah, so this might be some residual trauma from, how long was the delivery? A year and a half ago?

12:46 Yes, and I had one vaginal and one C-section.

12:51 Drew You had the same delivery, like a set of twins? So one came out and you had to go after the other?

12:57 Mm-hmm.

12:58 Drew Wow, scary.

12:59 Adam You had twins at 16 or 15?

13:02 16, yeah.

13:03 Adam 15.

13:04 Drew Yeah, you couldn't have cared for twin goldfish in those days, think about that.

13:07 Adam Where are these kids now? They're in jail?

13:11 Drew What?

13:12 Adam Incarcerated? Are they incarcerated yet?

13:14 Caller Yeah.

13:15 No?

13:17 Caller I have two girls, they're good.

13:18 Adam Oh, strippers. It's gonna be great. All right, where's the dad?

13:22 Oh, he's not around.

13:23 He's not a good person, though.

13:25 Adam Oh, no, really? Went from stripper to porn. They're just that fast. Oh, yeah.

13:30 No, he's not a good person, but I am.

13:33 Adam Is anyone yelling at you not to have any more kids?

13:36 Yes, everybody is.

13:38 Drew Are you on birth control pill now?

13:39 I'm not. I'm gonna be on it. I'm not having sex or anything, so I haven't. Like, getting pregnant scared me, so I stopped, but I'm gonna get on birth control again.

13:48 Drew Are you on any medication or anything?

13:50 No.

13:51 Drew You might want to see a urologist if you possibly can. The fact that you're having persistent pain without evidence of an... You're having persistent pain when you urinate and you're in a frequency and all that sort of stuff.

14:02 It's not just that, but it's like my lower back hurts and like my right side and stuff. And that's how it was when I was pregnant, and that's how they knew I had a kidney infection, but now they said it's nothing.

14:13 Drew Have they done an ultrasound to see if you have an ovarian cyst or something like that? No. All right, it's time to get back in and just check it out. And that back pain, flank pain is, yes, it can be something, you're an infection, but not specifically. There's many other things.

14:25 Okay, because also they did a Pap smear like a year ago, and they came back abnormal. All right, well they had to do a colposcopy, and they said that they were just gonna like, see how I was doing to see how I was doing.

14:36 Drew Right, every six months. Did you follow up at six months?

14:38 Yeah. And they had me come back to do another one, so.

14:41 Drew All right, but it's time to follow up again. All right, it's been a year. So get in there. All right, this time, get it, ask for an ultrasound, okay?

14:46 Adam Nidia, no man in your life?

14:49 Good.

14:50 Drew But you got the HPV, though. He managed to live, live with that.

14:53 Is that bad?

14:54 Drew Well, it's cervical cancer, causes cervical cancer. And thank God you got in there in time to cure this thing. But you gotta stay on top of it, cause it will come back.

15:01 Adam Hey, Nidia, we've, since you got on the air tonight, you're registered for that 28 days promotion. So, God willing, you'll be banning your... Oh, that's right.

15:11 You got the two kids, but you can't go to Vegas.

15:15 Adam Alright, here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'd like to do. I'm done with this age thing. It's like, look, if you got a couple of kids and you're a junkie or whatever, you qualify for anything that's over 18. I'm not saying Nidia's a junkie. All I'm saying is, you've killed somebody, you get to qualify for all that. We'll figure out. And by the way, there's some 19 and 20 year olds who wouldn't qualify for the 18 stuff. You know what I mean? Some of those nerdy guys who are in the yummy phase, can't finish a full beer. Stryker. Stryker. Stryker, local mothership DJ out here, K-Rock. Go ahead, Drew. I'll just follow behind you and clean up all that stuff on your point and do stuff like that.

16:05 Drew Nicole, 15.

16:07 Caller Hello.

16:08 Adam Hello.

16:09 Caller Okay, I just want to say I love you both and Adam, you are hilarious.

16:14 Adam Thank you. I'm very, very perturbed tonight.

16:17 Caller Yeah, I noticed you weren't in too good of a mood. Okay, but my question is, I'm bisexual and I've known I was bisexual since I was probably like 12.

16:29 Drew Since you were sexually abused at 4.

16:33 Caller And my parents don't know, my mom knows, but my stepmom and my dad don't know. And I don't know if I should tell them or not. Because my dad is like an extremely religious person.

16:45 Drew So why would you want to do that? Why would you want to put yourself in harm's way like that? What would that accomplish?

16:55 Adam Not making them feel bad?

16:56 Drew What would that accomplish? Do you do drugs? Do you do any drugs?

17:04 Caller No.

17:04 Drew You never have?

17:06 Caller I've tried pop before, but...

17:08 Drew Do you feel bad not telling them about that?

17:10 Caller Oh, not really.

17:13 Drew Oh, why not about that?

17:15 Adam They should know. You should be honest.

17:19 Drew Why is that different?

17:20 Caller Because my dad would shit me off to boarding school. And I don't want that.

17:24 Or military camp.

17:26 Drew And how do you know something like that's not going to happen?

17:27 Adam Know what you've threatened before. Okay, well listen, let's just talk about the real issue. Why do you hate your dad? Not that you don't deserve to hate your dad. He may be a bad guy.

17:36 Caller Oh, he is. He's a bastard.

17:37 Adam All right, well it's payback time now.

17:40 Caller Oh, he is. He's very abusive and stuff.

17:44 Adam Is your dad racist at all? Bring a black dude home.

17:50 Drew Black girl.

17:51 Adam Bring a black girl home. Yeah, bring a dad. I want to introduce you to Nachilla. 1,700 pound black woman. Hello, I'm Lucius. All gold teeth.

18:05 Caller I went to a guy.

18:07 Adam I went to high school with a black chick named Nachilla. And I thought, Dad is the best black chick name I've ever heard in my life. Nicole.

18:17 Caller Mm-hmm. Okay, good.

18:18 Adam Get yourself a nice black chick. Bring her home. Tell your dad you're lezing off with her.

18:23 Drew Realize all of this.

18:24 Adam He clutches his heart. That's great.

18:26 Drew All of this is because of your anger towards your dad. Every bit of it, including needing to tell him. If you weren't angry, you wouldn't need to tell him.

18:34 Adam Would she even be bi?

18:36 Drew No, but that's a different issue.

18:37 Adam You don't think so?

18:38 Drew No.

18:40 Adam Why are you so angry at your dad, besides he's an a-hole?

18:44 Caller You know, it's just because my step-mom basically, because he's still married to her. I hate him so much just because he's married to her.

18:53 Adam Why do you hate your step-mom so much?

18:55 Caller Oh, my step-mom is the biggest jerk in the world. She cheated on my dad like four times, and he's still married to her.

19:05 Adam What about your real mom?

19:07 Caller Oh, I love my mom. She lives in Ohio, actually.

19:09 Drew Why don't you live with her?

19:12 Caller Because she can't afford me, really. That's the main reason. She's living with her fiance, but he makes her pay all the bills and stuff, so she can't afford to have another child there because they already have two kids.

19:26 Drew Oh, your mom's great.

19:27 Adam Your mom sounds like a delight.

19:28 Drew She puts you as a priority in her life.

19:30 Adam What again? It's a shame you can't be with her in Ohio. Yeah, listen, your mom's a piece of ass. Let's face it. I mean, look, you know, we usually... Nicole, here's what we usually do. We usually talk to a bunch of young girls. It's always girls. I don't know why. And we tell them... Yeah, we talk to guys, too. And we say, look, your mom hung in there. Your dad split. Stop taking it out on your mom. You're glorifying the parent that left, and you're demonizing the one that stayed and is trying to create a home. And yeah, even if they're not the greatest, they're putting a roof over your head and they're putting a meal in your mouth. This is one of the rare exceptions. And listen, I would never argue with you that your dad's an a-hole and that your stepmom's a witch. But your real mom, who you're sort of glorifying, sounds like a real piece of work, too. Living in Ohio with a guy who's probably abusive, cranking out a few kids, making her pay all the bills.

20:30 Drew Leaves Nicole behind.

20:31 Adam Leaves Nicole behind with the a-hole, by the way. And has moved all the way to Ohio, which I don't know how far that is from Florida, but you ain't driving there in your moped.

20:43 Caller Yeah, that's where we originally lived in Ohio, and then they got a divorce when I was three. And my dad moved away after about a year. He left Ohio to come down here.

20:55 Adam And you went with him?

20:58 Caller Yeah, we had to. Me and my brother and my sister.

21:02 Drew Why did you have to?

21:02 Adam Why couldn't you stay with your mom?

21:04 Caller Well, because my dad got custody because my mom was working like three part-time jobs at like one of McDonald's.

21:11 Adam No, your mom had a couple of DUIs, took a swing at a cop or something. Yeah, your mom was into drugs.

21:18 Drew Of course.

21:18 Adam That's why she got custody. Didn't get custody of you because your mom was a super hardworking, dedicated parent. Why do I have to cut through all this crap all the time? We talk to people all the time. Whenever somebody loses custody, why do they lose custody? Well, she worked so much, and she was so involved with religion, her work, and community service, helping underprivileged kids. And she cooked up a little meth. Your mom's a bad person. Your mom's bad.

21:51 She's an alcoholic.

21:54 Adam Your mom's an alcoholic. Okay, so here's the deal, Nicole. You have two bad parents.

22:01 Drew But one is worse.

22:02 Adam But one of them is sort of hanging out and trying to at least put a roof over your head. Yeah, so quit kicking the crap out of the one bad parent who's marginally less bad than the other one. Just leave your dad alone. And leave your stepmom alone.

22:19 Caller It's not acting out.

22:21 Adam Get your grades up and go away to college.

22:23 Drew Yeah.

22:24 Caller Get your feet squared.

22:27 Adam Yeah, I plan on it. Meanwhile, don't rattle your dad's cage and don't rattle your stepmom's cage.

22:32 Drew It's not going to work for you. Go to college, have a relationship, male, female, whatever you like, but have a real relationship.

22:39 Adam Be angry at your mom, too.

22:42 Drew God, do we have to sort through a lot of crap. And you know what? In the general public sort of media, that would have passed as like, oh, really, your mom's a great person?

22:51 Adam We've got to figure out a way to get you out to Ohio with her so she can smother you with kisses and cash. Please, mom's a piece of crap. Working three jobs. And by the way, don't try to pull that working three jobs crap on us. Because the more jobs, working 20 jobs, is that better than working one job? Do you know what I'm saying? How many jobs does a doctor or a lawyer have? A thousand jobs or just doctor or lawyer? Dean at a college. You know what I mean? What electronic engineers that work for Lockheed, what do they have? 30 jobs? No. The more jobs you have, the worse your life. Please, who are you kidding? Especially if you're going to weave in that McDonald's one. Alright, let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

23:44 Caller See time.

23:51 Adam There, buddy, it's the Loveline, Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E, shut up, Drew. 1-9-1. Go ahead, Drew.

24:00 Drew I just said, speaking of phone numbers, I want to thank again the people at Knotts, the other Knotts Gary Farm. If people want to go to that, the Knotts, Halloween Hotline, 714-220-5000, or Ticketmaster Hotline, 213-365-3535. I was, it's amazing how elaborate this thing is, really. I was, we had a great time. That's how you go.

24:19 Adam They didn't pay you to say that, huh?

24:21 Drew They did not, but they made my birthday, my kid's birthday memorable. One of them was like, can we do this again next year?

24:27 Adam No.

24:28 Drew Tell them no. Yes.

24:29 Adam Tell them no. Next year we go to Corolla's house and watch him complain about the heat. You know the other thing about this crazy hot weather we're having in this godforsaken city is all these weird bugs come out. Everything's alive. Weird ants and bugs and everything's moving around. I got these weird, I got the weirdest bug in the world at my house. Nobody's ever seen it before. Nobody knows what it is.

24:55 Drew Your new house here?

24:56 Adam Both. There's this weird bug. I showed it to pest control guys and they don't know what it is. I don't know what it does. But it struck me, it's big and it's ugly. And it's, there's some bugs that don't monkey, they don't go inside your house. And then there's other bugs that want in. But the ones that want in don't want in because they want to eat something. It's not like ants want in because they want to eat something. And then there's spiders. Spiders don't want in to eat something, they just want in.

25:27 Drew What does this one want?

25:28 Adam It wants in. But it don't want nothing else, just wants in.

25:31 Drew What does it look like?

25:32 Adam It looks like a, I don't even know what it is. No, no, I'd kill myself and move if it's a potato bug. But there's those big spiders, those big outdoor spiders, but they don't want in.

25:46 Drew They'll be in. You know the real big ones? No, they're coming in.

25:47 Adam No, they're not coming in.

25:49 Drew The big brown ones?

25:50 Adam No, no, not that one. The ones with the big thorax or torso or whatever that big bubble is on the back of them. The big outdoor ones that do the big webs, only like two months out of the year.

26:02 Drew Yeah, those huge webs in the summertime.

26:04 Adam Yeah, they don't want to come in.

26:05 Drew No, they don't want in.

26:06 Adam I don't know why.

26:06 Drew And how the hell do they get the one, the securing line?

26:10 Adam The one that goes from your chimney that's 40 feet in the air all the way across your hedge.

26:15 Drew The hedge across the street to another tree.

26:17 Adam How do they do that? They sit up there and they drop and the wind blows them while they're shooting this stuff out of their ass. And they go to it and the next thing you know, you got the Brooklyn branch.

26:30 Drew Huge.

26:30 Adam And then everyone thinks you're some kind of retard because you're walking up the stairs at night and the thing hits you in the face, you're flailing around.

26:37 Drew Oh, you go nuts too.

26:38 Adam Yeah. Help me. Weird hands flying in the face. Of course, your neighbor's just looking at you. He doesn't know what you hit. You don't see anything. You just look like some kind of retarded maniac throwing punches in the air. All right, where are we, Drew? I'm just saying, I don't mind the bugs that like to hang outside. They got them. Those pill bugs.

26:58 Drew Oh, they're nice.

26:59 Adam They hang out. Their whole thing is, hey buddy, I just want a rock to crawl under and we're cool. And my thing is fine. Those big, scary, weirdo spiders, they just want to hang out. They want to go outside. And then there's the indoor box. And now we got a problem, my friend. I show no mercy to those indoor bugs. No corridor, Drew. Makayla?

27:22 Yes?

27:22 Adam You're 13?

27:23 Caller Yes.

27:24 Adam What's up?

27:24 Caller Okay, Adam, I absolutely adore you and Drew, your book was amazing. I loved it.

27:28 Oh, thanks Makayla.

27:30 Caller Okay, my question is for Drew. Over the past few months, I've been huffing like a lot, a lot of inhalants.

27:35 Adam Yeah, that's why she loves the book.

27:37 Drew How do you, she would huff and read. It makes it seem that much better. How do you get the inhalants? What are you, what are you using?

27:43 Caller I've been using like bathroom sprays and Glade plugins and Sharpies and glue.

27:49 Drew So, using propellants and sort of just, just hydrocarbons, things that are liquid, right?

27:56 Caller Yeah.

27:56 Drew You're just soaking liquids and putting it in a bag or something.

27:58 Adam How do you, how do you get a buzz off those Glade plugins?

28:01 Caller You just put them in a Ziploc bag and then you put it in your mouth and you take it in through your nose and not in your mouth.

28:06 Adam That'd be funny. It's like somebody farts and it smells like a, it smells like a pine.

28:12 Drew Because they've been huffing so much? Yeah.

28:14 Adam Like, like you start farting air freshener.

28:17 Drew You tell these guys, they'll make their semen taste differently. That's what they'll start doing.

28:20 Adam Oh really?

28:21 Drew But listen, Mikaela, this is a really serious deal. Inhaling hydrocarbons damages the brain very profoundly.

28:29 Adam Don't you just get a headache from that?

28:31 Drew You do because basically the oxygen supply has sort of gone to your head and it kills brain cells quite effectively. And I've seen a lot of people that have done this a bunch in their adolescence and they do not survive into their, even young adulthood, with intact brains. They're obviously impaired. Their cognition, their ability to think is impaired. Their personalities are changed. Their moods are off. It's a really an awful thing to see. So please don't become- Well, if you need help with it, if there's something else you're trying to manage, some awful feelings or trauma issues that are sort of left unresolved, go get help with that. Don't stick your face in a baggie.

29:08 Caller Okay, but recently I've been having shortness of breath and coughing.

29:13 Drew Yeah, you can get some stuff with that too.

29:15 Caller I know it's from the inhaler, but I was just wondering what exactly it's doing to me.

29:20 Drew You can get an inflammation of the small air sacs in the lungs, and it can actually be quite serious, but usually it's a pretty mild thing. But yeah, you can get a serious what's called pneumonitis, which is like a non-infectious pneumonia basically.

29:33 Adam No, huffing is such a crappy high.

29:36 Drew Well, I know they say it's a good high, but it's a crappy behavior.

29:40 Adam I'll try that. Half that huffing is the huffing part though.

29:45 Drew Just breathing hard?

29:47 Adam Yeah. I mean, look, I swear to Christ, if I put a bar of soap in a bag and I told somebody, hey man, this really going to F you up, dude, but you got to kind of hyperventilate, and you got to do it, and then just sit back on the sofa and close your eyes, seven-eighths of the retarded teens I did this to would say they got a good buzz off it. I mean, it's just part is the hyperventilating part of the huffing. All right, don't do that. Nothing worse. Corinne?

30:16 Caller Yes?

30:17 Adam You're 23?

30:18 Caller Yes.

30:19 Adam What's up?

30:22 Caller Thanks for taking my call. It actually bothers me, but I've thought about, or fantasized, I guess is a better word, about people wetting their pants since I was a little, little kid. I have no idea why, or if anyone else is into this, or what it is.

30:46 Drew The interesting thing about fetishes is there's always somebody else that's into it, and they can have any variation under the sun.

30:52 Adam And they're so into it that they publish a magazine, or a website, you can masturbate to.

30:58 Drew It's true.

30:59 Adam It's usually, Germany or Florida would be where you would find this person. I don't know what happened to Germany either, by the way, but it turns out that country's is F'd up, is Florida is a state. I don't know what went on in Germany.

31:13 Drew They're still surviving the traumas of the war, I bet.

31:17 Adam No, you know what it is? Here's what happens. This happened to the Japanese, too, which is, it's like, listen, we're going to make it illegal for people in apartment buildings to put wind chimes up out on their balcony unless they pull a certain permit because we have ordinance against that. So you do that. You live in that kind of society where you need to pull a permit to put a wind chime up on your balcony. You're into fecal smearing porn. That's how it comes out. And with the Japanese, you get a little too much into bowing and a little too much into the servitude and everything and the reverence. And the next thing you know, you're eating sushi off some virgin and raping her with a rhino horn that you bought off the black market for 25 grand. You see what I'm saying? It snaps, it goes the other way.

32:06 Drew But you could also say that the society where they have those sites of more is also sort of abusive.

32:11 Adam Yeah, I don't know what happened to Florida, by the way. I have no explanation for that. Go ahead.

32:17 Drew It's gravity.

32:17 Adam Corinne? I think it's the oppressively hot, humid weather that does it. You know how I'm going insane?

32:24 Drew But nobody starts in Florida. They all go there.

32:26 Adam And then they go insane. Go ahead, Corinne.

32:29 Caller Seriously, like why would it have been since I was a little, little kid?

32:34 Drew I would guess it has something to do with how you were potty trained, some sort of trauma.

32:39 Caller I thought of that and I heard from my mom that I was like really, really easy and really young and I don't remember having any problems, so.

32:47 Drew Well, it's funny about fetishes. Nobody really knows for sure exactly what triggers this and whether maybe there's some genetic sort of constitutional factor that sort of turns on if the right environmental influence is there. But it is usually something pretty subtle. For instance, why young boys get preoccupied with feet or shoes. You know, what was happening then that really got them at that moment? It's usually a displacement for some other heavy feeling, some other difficult feeling you were having at the time in terms of being intimate or feeling overwhelmed by closeness, something was going on. Needn't be a horrible thing, doesn't have to be a horrible trauma, but it's just something.

33:22 Adam Well, what are you going to do now? You're 23, are you single?

33:26 Caller Yeah.

33:27 Adam And if you find a guy and you have a relationship with him, does he need to wet himself?

33:32 Caller No, I don't even want to mention it to anyone because I'm embarrassed. I think it's...

33:36 Drew Which is true, most true fetishes people are ashamed of.

33:39 Adam Yeah, I know, but for the fellas, they need to have sex. They need to incorporate them into the bedroom. You don't need to incorporate this?

33:47 Caller Um, I don't think I need it, no.

33:49 Adam Alright, well then you're fine.

33:50 Drew She's just curious about it.

33:52 Adam Yeah, it's not dangerous. What do you mean?

33:54 Drew Has she ever had a relationship? Has she ever had one? Have you ever been able to have a successful relationship?

34:02 Caller Um, well I haven't gotten married or anything, but I've had...

34:06 Drew Boyfriends?

34:07 Caller A boyfriend, yeah.

34:09 Adam Did he have to wet himself?

34:10 Caller No, I didn't even mention it to her.

34:12 Drew Do you expect them to like pee on you, that kind of thing?

34:14 Caller No, no, no, that's gross. I just, I don't even know.

34:17 Adam What if he pees in the sink? That's a turn on, right? That'd be a turn on?

34:21 Yeah, turn on.

34:23 As long as he cleaned it really good.

34:25 Adam Yeah, well what do you mean really good? I mean, he runs a little water. Yeah, yeah. Disinfectant.

34:32 Drew With sterile.

34:33 Adam Listen, people are a little nutty with all this stuff, all this soap's disinfectant, and I got this stuff I keep on me, it's disinfectant, Erin's disinfectant, my ass. Believe me, if you knew what, just follow the journey of what goes in your mouth, by the way, at the fast food place, at almost any restaurant, the stuff you buy at the market, follow that journey. You'd never put another shot of that Purell disinfectant in your hand after you shook hands with a stranger again. Who cares? All right, thank you, Drew. Dustin.

35:06 Hey, what's happening, Adam?

35:08 Adam What's happening?

35:09 What's happening?

35:10 Adam What's happening?

35:11 Hey, I had a question.

35:13 Adam Yeah.

35:14 You're always talking about the people that go to JCs and they're the losers, you know?

35:21 Adam Sure.

35:21 Whatever you say.

35:22 Drew You don't say they're losers.

35:24 Adam No, I'll tell you, I have my criteria. I will let the Asian cultures, here's my junior college criteria. Anyone who's in a program such as nursing, you know what I mean? You go there to do your two year nursing program.

35:41 Drew Program to go into four year college, right? That's not a program?

35:44 Adam No.

35:44 Drew Because a lot of people do that.

35:46 Adam No, not a lot. Here's the deal. I'm gonna let Asians in there because they excel. You don't see any 43 year old Asian guy who's been going there on and off for 27 semesters hanging around at the snack shack. No, Asians get in. Indians get in. They're the new Asians. I now count them and I mention them in the same breath. All sort of foreigners who come in who basically couldn't go to regular college because they came in from some different country.

36:19 Drew They couldn't speak English.

36:20 Adam Yeah, there were doctors in their country that come in here for a couple years, don't worry. They'll be out of there in a second. Basically, here's what I don't want. Here's what I'm not looking for. I'm not looking for old people and I'm not looking for white people in there unless they're in the nursing program. Here's what I don't want in the junior college. And I don't want the 19-year-old who was a perpetual F-up in high school and in junior high and is basically enrolled so a stepmom doesn't boot him out of the basement. That's what you get.

36:51 Drew You'd rather he...

36:53 Adam He needs to go to work. Right. Right. And this guy, you take this guy, this guy's a horrible student all through high school. Now he gets to go to a place where they don't take a role and nobody cares. They don't call your folks if you don't show up. No grade checks. Please. All right. And then they're the perpetual... Then they're the hanger-on guys. I know guys who went to junior college on and off like 13 years. Just sort of roll in and take a couple of classes. You're wasting everyone's time. All right.

37:20 Go ahead. What about the JC. Athlete? Can you make an exception for that?

37:25 Adam Yes. I'll make an exception for them. Really? Yes. They're fine JC. Athletes. Thanks. Yes. They never get brought up, but they can go. They can transfer. The JC. Athletes are there because athletes are notoriously stupid, of course. They want to get to a four-year.

37:42 Drew But it's somewhat of a farm league of sorts, isn't it?

37:45 Adam Yeah. And it also, like I played a year or about a half-year of JC. Football, it's a lot of good players. All the guys who were all league and they all league roster were ended up at Valley College. So they're too stupid. Well, not all of them. Some of them went to major universities. But football players especially, basketball, yeah. Sports guys are dumb. So they got to go a couple more years and then they transfer. But it's good times. So Asians, Indians and nursing programs, students and athletes, all right with them. All right, good looking people don't belong at a junior college, by the way, 19 year old hot chick, horrible student, going to get married in a couple of years. It's, it, waste everyone's time. They never transfer.

38:34 Drew Did you get them?

38:35 Adam Drew, if you, who, everyone who was a good student knew, I knew it by the time they were 14.

38:41 Drew Yeah.

38:41 Adam Then you got another chance when you're 30, yeah, after you've loved and lost like I have. Then you might be able to be a good student. But some, between 14 and 30, you're going to be crap. Those will drop out of high school. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. That's Dr. Drew, phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Hey, Adam. Go, buddy.

39:25 Drew Aside from me kissing the rear of knots for the great time they gave me this time, we also have to mention the 28 Day Later promotion. And anybody who gets on The Earth Night is over the age of 18 will get a DVD of the horror film 28 Days Later. They will then be placed in the Hopper and qualify to win a room at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Las Vegas. And we will be, this runs through this Thursday, and we will be pulling the winner on the 26th. And you will have that room for 28 days.

39:38 Adam And we're gonna pull the winner?

39:40 Drew Somebody here is, yeah. Probably producer Ann.

39:43 Adam All right. And 28 days and they can use it themselves or they can farm it out to their friends.

39:50 Drew One plane ticket to get there, wherever you are.

39:52 Adam As you know, my plan, if I win, then I'm gonna win.

39:56 Drew Well, you're gonna go either way because they're gonna give you a few days. Again, you have this elaborate plan.

40:00 Adam I'm gonna make sure I win. I'm saying it right now. I know a lot of people when they cheat don't like to announce it on the radio, but I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna win this contest. And you know, not through any skill or luck or anything. I'm just gonna make sure that when...

40:13 Drew You just gonna put your name in and then pull it out.

40:15 Adam I'm just gonna pull it out. I'm not even gonna put it in. I'm just gonna hand it to Ann on Thursday.

40:19 Drew Is this your name?

40:19 Adam I don't even gotta hand it to her. I'm just gonna say, say my name. And she'll just say it. I don't see any reason, you know, say myself a step and drop it in the hopper now.

40:27 Drew Who's gonna know?

40:28 Adam Yeah, so I'm gonna go there for 28 days. I'm gonna stay there myself, but I'm gonna...

40:32 Drew Allow some callers to come? Some listeners? No.

40:35 Adam Gonna abduct a hooker and chain her to the radiator.

40:38 Drew But you could do that even if somebody else goes because they can transfer it to you.

40:42 Adam I'll keep her alive with Cheetos and Diet Pop. And she's gonna have to watch me while I spank at the spectrovision. That's my plan. Nothing sexual with her. I just want her there. You know what I'm saying?

40:54 Drew That would be a sexual crime, that would it?

40:56 Adam No, no, no, wouldn't be, wouldn't be. All right, you ready? We cool? 28 days. Eva? You're 22? What's up?

41:07 Caller Okay, my question is, I'm just wondering if some guy finger bangs you and he possibly has HIV, how likely you are to get that from him? If he has like maybe a cut on his finger or something?

41:18 Drew If he were gushing blood, if there was spurting blood out of his finger, yes, that's a way you could contract it.

41:23 Adam First off, we don't refer to the digital manipulation as finger banging, we call it finger blasting.

41:31 Finger blasting, okay.

41:32 Adam Finger blast, okay.

41:33 Drew 22 finger banging? Really?

41:36 22?

41:42 Drew Yeah, and yet you're concerned this guy has HIV, you've chosen.

41:46 Caller I don't know that much about him, I'm just kind of paranoid.

41:48 Drew He's a heroin addict?

41:49 Adam Oh, Drew, I've seen the public service announcements, it can be, it doesn't discriminate. It does not discriminate. It doesn't matter if you're Haitian or you're gay, everyone is just as likely to have this.

42:02 Drew Well, listen, condom use is really important worldwide, huge epidemic, everyone should still be sort of systematically, routinely practicing safe sex. However, I was watching a sort of a television show where they were making a big deal out of this. If you had sex with 10 people, and they had sex with 10 people, and then 10, and then 10, and then 10, and then 10, you could have had sex with 100,000 people. I thought, wait a minute, that is so wrong. That means for each contact there's 100% transmission of whatever that person has to offer every time.

42:32 Adam Right.

42:34 Drew Not rare remote transmission in all of them. It's such a crazy kind of logic, but yeah. It's safe sex, and God knows worldwide, that's a huge problem.

42:44 Adam Well, here's the whole thing about these folks that come up with all these statistics, like the second hand smoke killing 55,000 people a year. It's okay to lie in their mind because they're doing the Lord's work. There's a worthy cause that's behind it. And it's okay to lie.

43:01 Drew The problem is people our callers age, then go, hey, this ain't true, screw this, I'm not listening to anything.

43:08 Adam Yeah, it's just like when the man talks about, you know, it's like the whole reefer madness thing. It backfired on everybody.

43:14 Drew 30 years. I can't have a reasonable discussion with people about pop because they're still reacting to the over, the overstatements about pop.

43:21 Adam Right, right.

43:22 Drew Oh my God.

43:22 Adam God willing, same backlash comes with Ace in second-hand smoke.

43:25 Drew No, please, wear your condoms, come on.

43:27 Adam All right, Eva.

43:27 Drew Trojan condoms.

43:28 Adam All right, tell him to put a condom on his blasting finger.

43:32 Drew No, it's fine. Don't worry.

43:35 Adam Drew. I want you to look at my hand and guess which one my blasting finger is.

43:40 Drew But you held up these two, you held the...

43:41 Adam Well, then I put them all up. Which one do you think my blasting finger is?

43:45 Drew The one with the big knuckle on it? It's like a ribbed?

43:47 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, look at that. I call that my blasting cap.

43:53 Drew Yeah.

43:54 Adam I got a hump. That's ribbed for her pleasure.

43:57 Drew That sure is.

43:57 Adam That's just my F finger.

43:59 Drew Nice.

43:59 Adam That's my blasting finger.

44:00 Drew Nice.

44:01 Adam You want to smell it? Be cool?

44:03 Drew Do you know, listen, I was talking to the Trojan people over the weekend. Do you know that Magnum is not their biggest condom? They have an XL condom.

44:09 Adam Really?

44:10 Drew And Magnum is not really that big. It just sort of tapers out apparently. I was like, you guys should advertise this.

44:15 Adam Yeah, and give me that hand.

44:17 Drew And they said the reason they don't is they're afraid every guy's gonna grab for the XL and it's gonna slip off.

44:23 Caller Uh-huh.

44:24 Drew It was interesting.

44:25 Caller Mm-hmm, wow.

44:26 Adam Now I mean, what is, that XL is made for 2% of the population? I mean, do they know or?

44:33 Drew Didn't ask that question.

44:35 Adam What do you think?

44:35 Drew I should go get, yeah, I bet that's about right.

44:38 Adam All right, Layla?

44:41 Hi.

44:41 Adam What's up, girl? Our pleasure.

44:46 Okay, here's my question. I have like a rash and it looks like I get things that kind of look like pimples and they like swell up and then they break and they have like dead skin and they're gathered at my elbows and then I have them like scattered all over the rest of my body like randomly.

45:06 Adam They're inside your elbow or outside?

45:08 On the outside.

45:09 Drew The tip of your elbow.

45:11 Yeah, and then they're scattered all around there and like I never have like ashy elbows or anything. They're never like irritated so when I noticed them I was like oh how weird and I started putting lotion on it but then I noticed I had them all over and they got worse.

45:23 Drew Do they occur like on your knees too?

45:27 There's like a couple on each knee but not gathered like they are on my elbow.

45:31 Drew Unfortunately I cannot really accurately figure out what you're describing but things that occur on extensor surfaces like knees and elbows is psoriasis.

45:41 Well I was going to ask because also I don't know if it's STD related because I just had to be tested for one. I don't know what I have but they think it's chlamydia. And then I also have a cyst like in my right breast.

45:57 Drew But that's normal. That's normal.

46:01 And then you had a caller last week and the main thing I have that's been there for a long time is like a big red thing like right in the crease of your breast. Yeah, for like six months but the rest of it just showed up.

46:15 Drew That could be yeast.

46:16 Adam Could be the end of my penis broke off.

46:18 Drew But you got wedged in there.

46:20 Adam This is Laila from Pasadena.

46:22 Drew Oh yeah, that's where it is. That's where you left your penis.

46:24 Adam I need that back.

46:25 Drew You're going to need to see a dermatologist later because again you're not able to really describe to me this rash in a way that I can make sense of it. Just the distribution makes me worry about.

46:32 Adam Alright, see a dermatologist. Yeah, alright, good times. We'll be back after this. Loveline, Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LAVE-191. All right there, buddy, what's happening?

47:07 Drew I don't know, how you doing? Feel a little hot?

47:11 Adam Got down to ice box in here.

47:12 Drew That's good. I put it there.

47:14 Adam Good work, buddy.

47:15 Drew No, that's good. I had my ass scared off and my roller coaster down.

47:20 Adam Drew was on roller coasters all day today.

47:22 Drew That's Barry Farman.

47:23 Adam Yeah. I don't go for those roller coasters anymore.

47:26 Drew I thought I did. I thought I did until I went about eight of them today. I thought, okay, I don't care if I ever see another roller coaster again.

47:31 Adam Yeah. Well, let me give you my take on that. I believe that there's a very small portion of your brain that realizes you paid admission and went to an amusement park. Or if you're like Dr. Drew, hoard out a couple of favors, mention a couple of names on the air and got some free tickets to an amusement park. But either way, I want to mention a name again, Drew.

47:53 Drew Lupita Suda, you're talking about that?

47:55 Adam Yeah.

47:55 Drew Not Sperry Farm, yeah. Not Scary Farm.

47:57 Adam Not Scary Farm, that's right.

47:59 Drew Halloween Horror.

47:59 Adam But the majority of your body, 714-220-5000. The majority of your body when you go on a roller coaster, just reacts as if your car busted through a guard rail and went off a cliff.

48:12 Drew In fact, it becomes a little bit of an exercise in deep breathing and trying to, they have one ride that is so insane. You go from zero to like 80 in four seconds and it goes like a rocket ship and then down the other side.

48:25 Adam Yeah, I don't believe it's good for you. Only time will tell. But like I've done that like free fall at Magic Mountain. And the free fall at Magic Mountain is you go all the way to the top of this like 13 story monolith and then it slides you out front. And now you're really just out there blowing in the wind and you know it's going to drop. And it does a little hitch thing for a second and then you're just waiting and then when it drops your heart and lungs just come out of your mouth as you scream. But I realize there is a part of you that realizes, OK, this is contraption. It's run by some stoner. This thing this thing runs been running successfully with no fatalities for 30 years. Blah, blah, blah. There's another part of you, like I said, tell that to your asshole who thinks your car busted through the railing and is heading off the cliff. Into the surf, you know what I mean? Yeah, tell that to your asshole.

49:20 Drew I tried, it didn't work.

49:21 Adam That's what I'm saying.

49:22 Drew I'll talk to your asshole. You better because you can listen to me.

49:26 Adam I'll have my finger blasting finger.

49:29 Drew Talk to my asshole?

49:30 Adam Talk to your asshole. Straighten him right out.

49:31 Drew That would scare me even more.

49:32 Adam I'll straighten him right out. Believe me, it's talk to many a-holes. Straighten them all out.

49:37 Drew So I don't want you to have a deep breathing like, OK, I'm going to make it through this.

49:42 Adam No, very painful. Vance?

49:45 Caller Yeah.

49:45 Adam I want to talk to Vance. He's 23.

49:48 Caller Yeah. I have a pretty bad weight problem and I was wondering what you guys thought of the Atkins diet.

49:55 Drew I think it works. I don't think it's the healthiest thing and it's shown to have difficulty keeping weight off. Here's my thing about diets. I've been done some thinking about this and I'm angry when I hear Dr. Phil say, I have the answer to the obesity problem in this country. That makes me angry because it's such a complicated problem. And each person almost needs to be worked up for a specific diagnosis. And then given your specific circumstances, specific interventions, of which diet may be one and an important one, but some people may need surgery, some people may need medication, some people may need psychotherapy, some people may need behavioral intervention.

50:33 Adam Some people got a thyroid problem.

50:34 Drew Some people have a thyroid problem or a testosterone problem. There's all kinds of things. And some people have genetic issues where the relationship between the stomach and the pituitary is sort of off, and so the biology is off and they can't control their appetite. These things need to be intervened upon.

50:47 Adam Let's put it this way. Does anyone look any different than they ever did?

50:51 Drew I walked around Knott's Berry Farm today and they're bigger.

50:53 Adam Well, they're bigger. No, here's what I'm talking about. People, people, well, Knott's Berry Farm people and amusement park people in general are a hearty breed. First off, they're people that like a churro and a corn dog at that 930 in the morning. That's number one. Yes, they're simple people who enjoy a simple high carb sugar filled oily diet, but here's all I'm saying. No, everyone you've known in terms of who you've grown up with, their shape, your basic shape. I'm arguing that your shape doesn't change any more than a car shape changes as it gets older. It gets a little worse just like a car, but there's sports cars, there's trucks, there's flatbeds. Basically, I don't know, anyone's shape has changed significantly.

51:39 Drew But that's not to say the shape should be left alone.

51:42 Adam Right.

51:43 Drew It may have medical issue, malical realities associated, medical consequences, and it should be intervened upon like any other medical condition like high blood pressure or whatever. Some people need a surgery in order to handle it.

51:54 Adam Okay, so here's the deal, most people are the way they are because that's them. Some people have a serious problem and they overeat, they don't work out, they whatever.

52:08 Drew They're depressed, they're eating disorder, they have trauma issues.

52:16 Adam All that doesn't mean as compared to how the hand you get down. Okay, so I would say that Vince, rather than deciding he's a good candidate for the Atkins diet, I mean obviously you got to exercise, you got to take it easy on the carbs.

52:31 Drew Exercise, okay.

52:32 Adam But, yes, sort of.

52:33 Drew Well, at 23 you'd give it a try and maybe meet with a dietician and go over a more substantial long-term plan. You must exercise. And at 5'10, 280, he's about 60 pounds off, really.

52:44 Adam Yeah, something like that.

52:45 Drew Medically speaking, I'm concerned with medical problems. Maybe 80 pounds. And he could lose that pretty effectively at 23 if he gets with it. And the question is can he keep it off? And by 30, if he's still struggling with it, people may want to intervene more aggressively. But I really have been upset about that lately. I was talking to the E-dietes people about this. And I was like, you guys, they've basically perfected what we can do with diets. Everybody's fat.

53:09 Adam Right.

53:10 Drew What's going on? What?

53:11 Adam Yeah. I was talking to my buddy, my buddy Chris, who... I...

53:20 Drew Chris, whose forearms are the size of my thighs.

53:22 Adam Yeah.

53:23 Drew And he eats... What? He's like...

53:25 Adam No. Listen. I started talking to him. I started talking to him at night. And I would notice that he was ordering in and out Henry's Tacos and drive-through places, you know, for regular, for dinner. And then the other night I spoke to him and he was eating cereal. And I said, what are you eating at 10 o'clock or 9.30? And he said, ate a big bowl of Crunch Berry cereal every night before I go to bed. And I said, every night? Yeah, big bowl of Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries. Every night? Yeah. That's my ritual.

53:58 Drew And he eats a big bowl. Yeah, he's like a soup bowl or a popcorn bowl.

54:02 Adam No, he'll pour the milk in and then do that thing where he keeps dumping the milk and then keeps dumping the cereal in to balance it out. But every night, the guy won't get fat and doesn't exercise. And I thought…

54:14 Drew He doesn't exercise. It's unbelievable. The guy's got 160 pounds of muscle.

54:19 Adam Yeah, no, I just… No, I love it. My two oldest buddies drink… Now, Chris is off it now, but that's because he used to do a lot of it.

54:30 Drew Well, he did some other things.

54:31 Adam drink, smoke, and eat like crap and refuse to exercise. And they both have to explain to people that they don't work out. People argue with him. Ray plays a little basketball once in a while. Doesn't exercise any more than anybody else. Well, no. No, I shouldn't say that. He exercises less. Yeah. Picture those two guys doing something they don't want to do. You know what I'm saying? They're not what you call disciplined guys. My friends aren't a disciplined group. That's why they didn't do homework.

55:01 Drew Everyone is shocked.

55:02 Adam Yeah. Imagine. Okay. It's the same guy who doesn't want to do homework. It's the same guy who doesn't want to run on the treadmill. Yeah, of course. It's about not... What's a diet? The diet is, hey, eat some broccoflower. I want crunchberries. Yeah, but you should eat broccoflower. Yeah, but I'm doing what I want to do. We'll go run on the treadmill. No. I don't want to do that. I want to watch TV. I want to eat crunchberries. How about doing some homework? No. How about learning a different language? No. I don't want to do it. I don't do anything I don't want to do.

55:30 Drew What is that?

55:31 Adam But should these guys write books?

55:34 Drew Videos.

55:35 Adam Here's how to drink and do drugs and smoke and eat bowls of crunchberries every night. Here's it. You get big forms, big calves. Get no fat on it. It's great. Write a book. Sure. We should write. We should listen to their book. Here's what their book should be. How to crawl up inside my mom's vagina and have you spit out of her. That's what their book should be. Same with Claudia Schiffer's exercise tips. It should all just be how to climb inside my mom's vagina. That's the title. Then I would buy the book. Other than that, no different.

56:10 Drew That's it.

56:12 Adam I don't know why we got to keep punishing people.

56:14 Drew That's the thing. Humiliating.

56:16 Adam You got a double chin. You got a male pattern baldness. It's all you got no calves and a big ass. Whatever it is, whatever your thing, good or bad, that's it. That's what you got. You didn't do anything. A couple of guys work out, do a little something, but no. Darryl?

56:36 Caller 22.

56:39 Drew Darryl. Yeah, Darryl.

56:41 Caller Oh yes, my question is, I have a, I want to have sex, I get a cramp on my penis, like in the shaft part.

56:50 Drew A cramp?

56:53 Caller In the shaft part.

56:54 Drew Yeah.

56:59 Caller Yeah, I get it right, like right in the shaft part.

57:01 Adam You get it, where do you get it?

57:04 Caller In the shaft, like in the long part.

57:06 Drew In the shaft part?

57:07 Caller Right.

57:08 Adam So that, the shaft part is, that's the round part with the hair, the saggy bag on the bottom with the hair on it?

57:16 Caller No, the long part.

57:17 Adam Oh, the long part. Right in the middle of that part?

57:21 Caller Mm-hmm, between the middle and the, between the head and the hairy part.

57:26 Drew Between the head and the hairy part.

57:27 Adam Between the head and the hairy part, alright.

57:29 Caller Mm-hmm.

57:31 Adam And you get a cramp.

57:33 Caller That was the feel like, but I'm not sure.

57:36 Drew How long into sex before this happens?

57:40 Caller Um, like half an hour.

57:44 Adam You're going too long.

57:46 Drew You may just be irritating your urethra or something or God knows, traumatizing the thing.

57:50 Adam Yeah, but...

57:51 Drew You can break your penis. You can hurt your penis. It's not made of titanium.

57:56 Adam I know. I tried launching a ball of tube socks toward the hamper once.

58:01 Drew Recently?

58:01 Adam A good morning erection. No, it's been a while. It's been about three months. I did some damage, though. You can only bend it so far down when you have a good erection.

58:09 Caller You know what I mean?

58:10 Adam Yeah.

58:11 Drew And it tears.

58:11 Caller Mm-hmm.

58:13 Drew That's the...

58:14 Adam So, Daryl needs to not hump quite as long?

58:17 Drew Right.

58:18 Caller Let's talk to...

58:19 Drew To unhurt the shaft part.

58:21 Adam Michelle? Is it Michelle?

58:24 It's Michelle.

58:26 Drew Michelle.

58:26 Caller Mm-hmm.

58:27 Drew A name I've never heard.

58:28 Adam Never heard it either.

58:30 Drew Made it up.

58:35 Adam What's up?

58:36 Caller Love you, Michelle.

58:38 Adam Love you, baby.

58:40 Caller Thank you. Okay, I've been dating this guy for about four months now, and whenever we start fooling around, when we get to a certain point, he just pulls away, you know?

58:52 Drew How old is he?

58:53 Caller He's 28.

58:55 Adam 28.

58:56 Drew And has he maybe got another relationship or married or something?

59:01 Caller No, he's not married. And I don't think he's dating anybody else.

59:04 Drew How long have you been seeing him?

59:05 Caller About four months now.

59:08 Adam You're saying when you get to a certain point, physically he pulls away?

59:11 Caller Yeah.

59:12 Drew What point?

59:16 Caller We're not completely naked or anything. Just fooling around, touching, kissing, you know?

59:23 Drew What does he do exactly? Like leave the room?

59:26 Caller He just stops, pulls away, and moves away, and you start, you know, and I ask him what's wrong or anything, and he says, oh, I gotta get up early for work in the morning, I gotta take my car to the dealership, just always, and I don't know what's wrong, you know?

59:42 Adam All right. Let's do a little investigation here. What's he do for a living?

59:49 Caller Oh, he's a security guard.

59:52 Caller Uh-oh.

59:53 Adam That could mean a number of things.

59:55 Drew Right. How did you guys meet?

59:58 Caller I met him at a store.

1:00:00 Adam At a store. Did he pick up on you?

1:00:03 Caller Yes.

1:00:05 Adam Now, does he have an erection when you guys are screwing around? Most of the time. You can see that coming through his pants or feel it?

1:00:17 Caller Feel it, yes.

1:00:19 Adam Has he ever, has he been to his house or his apartment, I should say? Security guards don't have houses. A couple of times. Has he ever seen a pornography around the house, any movies or anything? And he's had other girlfriends? Now, I guess the question is, is he one of these guys, and once in a while you find one of these guys, they're chronologically 28, but the reality is, is like they're 15. They just haven't been around a lot of women. They get nervous around women. They're uncomfortable when they get put in sexual situations.

1:01:01 Drew Is that him?

1:01:03 Caller He, okay, I guess to answer that question, he did tell me that he had had a lot of girlfriends. Like, he's only had three relationships with girlfriends, I guess, and I haven't dated in a while or been sexually active in a while, and when I met him and we were talking about that, he said he hasn't had sex in a while, and I thought, well, maybe we, you know, it's been a while, like four months now, and I thought I was ready, I thought he was ready since we've been...

1:01:34 Drew There are only a couple things that occur to me, that here's where my head goes immediately. He's really not into her and doesn't want to get sort of involved to the point that he's sort of responsible. A, B, he has some sort of STD he's ashamed of and can't sort of bring himself to tell her, or it's herpes, HIV, something.

1:01:54 Adam Right.

1:01:58 Drew I can't even think of something.

1:01:59 Adam I'm not going gay though.

1:02:01 Drew No.

1:02:01 Adam Drew's not going gay. Neither one of us are going gay.

1:02:04 Drew No, it's something...

1:02:05 Adam Tell later. Then I'm going gay.

1:02:10 Drew Something he cannot bring himself to tell you. I mean, maybe we're kind of a responsible guy.

1:02:15 Adam So here are the three options. There's some sort of bizarre problem where like his penis got caught in a shop press or something and it just looks like a chicken wing. Like a chicken wing that had been attacked by... It worked over by a seagull, you know, just hanging from between his legs. So there's some sort of bizarre penis thing.

1:02:36 Drew Or infection.

1:02:37 Adam Or... What's that?

1:02:39 Caller The man-made penis.

1:02:41 Drew Yeah, right, yeah.

1:02:42 Adam So there could be a penis problem. There could be... And for some guys, it depends how self-conscious he is or something. It could just be he's uncircumcised or something.

1:02:53 Caller All right, you're right.

1:02:54 Adam All right. So there's... I have a chicken wing that was attacked by a seagull for a penis. Penis, yes.

1:02:59 Drew Number one.

1:03:00 Adam Number two is I have a STD.

1:03:04 Drew That I'm ashamed of. I don't know how to tell you.

1:03:05 Adam Probably some kind of warts or something like that. Herpes, something like that.

1:03:09 Drew Herpes is behind the list.

1:03:10 Adam Or, then, and then C, I'm not really that into you.

1:03:16 Drew Yeah, and I can't, I don't want to get into, that's a rare, but that happens.

1:03:20 Adam It happens.

1:03:20 Drew You guys are hanging out, but you don't want to get all the way in.

1:03:23 Adam And then D is I'm just, I'm squirrely, I'm a squirrely guy.

1:03:29 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:03:32 Adam I'll come in my pants the second you put your hands down there.

1:03:35 Drew I was, that's several things that wrapped in one, it could be I'm super religious and have all kinds of conflicted feelings about being sexual, or I can't be sexual without having screwed up performance.

1:03:44 Adam Yeah, but if he's super religious, he says something.

1:03:47 Drew Well, you're going to have to give him prompt them. You're going to say, hey, if you have an affection, you know, this is the time to tell me. We can work with that.

1:03:55 Adam Yeah, if you have, tell them, you know, you're willing to deal, you're going to bargain.

1:04:01 Caller Can I bring this up when we're not fooling around?

1:04:04 Drew Yes, yes, absolutely. Bring it up at a good moment. It's always sort of screwed up. You don't want to ruin happy moments with that, but just at a quiet moment.

1:04:12 Adam Yeah.

1:04:13 Caller It's always weird.

1:04:17 Drew My vocal is not strongly on infection.

1:04:19 Adam Really? Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed.

1:04:21 Drew Because she seems together, so she's not going to be with a screwed up guy, although she's calling our show.

1:04:27 Adam Yeah, and he's working as a security guard, so he's not too choosy. Jonas?

1:04:38 Hello.

1:04:38 Adam You're 18?

1:04:39 Caller Yes, I'm 18. Thank you so much for taking my call. Well, the thing is that I'm 18 and I'm still a virgin, which I think is great, but the thing is that I can't seem to really get physical with anyone, really, well with a guy, of course. I masturbate and everything, and I mean I can orgasm like perfectly and everything, but I just can't touch it bare. You know what? I can't touch, skin on skin, there you go, and so I don't masturbate.

1:05:23 Drew You can't touch yourself or you can't touch it?

1:05:25 Caller Yes, I can't touch myself like underneath my panties or anything.

1:05:29 Drew But you can rub up against things and masturbate.

1:05:31 Caller Yeah, and when I'm with a guy, it's like, I've tried, but I just get so rigid out by it that I just don't even want to go through with it.

1:05:42 Drew About you…

1:05:43 Caller Tried what?

1:05:44 Drew Tried what?

1:05:44 Caller To make me orgasm.

1:05:47 Drew Wait, it's the problem. You can't have him touching you or you can't touch him?

1:05:50 Caller I can touch him fine, but I just can't have another guy touch me.

1:05:56 Drew You just need a relationship. You need somebody you trust. Build the trust. This will kind of…

1:06:00 Adam What are you doing to him? You give him a BJ?

1:06:04 Caller Yeah.

1:06:06 Drew She's okay.

1:06:06 Adam What kind of girl?

1:06:07 Drew She's all right.

1:06:08 Caller But see, the thing is just like, I can't even masturbate like there on my own.

1:06:13 Drew Why is that? Why do you think that is?

1:06:15 Caller I don't know. I've tried to figure out what it is, but…

1:06:20 Drew You know, I have found that women have this sort of history. We're not necessarily given a bunch of negative messages about their genitalia. It's something funny that they just…

1:06:29 Adam It's like it's so sensitive that they can't contact it.

1:06:33 Drew I don't know what it is. It's almost some biological thing.

1:06:35 Adam No, any… No abuse, no reason, no problems.

1:06:39 Caller Then I find myself like I'm really, really, really kinky, but I still can't touch myself like that. It's kinky. I don't even want to say certain words because I can't really say it, but other really dirty words I can say just perfectly fine. But then when it comes to having a guy show me affection, I think about it too much I guess, and then all of a sudden I...

1:07:07 Adam All right. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Getting over a cold.

1:07:14 Drew You can be kinky in terms of what you say or what you do.

1:07:19 Caller Both. I mean, yeah.

1:07:21 Drew But you can't be touched.

1:07:24 Caller Yeah. I mean, I can, but then I'm just kind of like, oh, okay, we'll stop now, and then I just get really girly and just kind of turn...

1:07:30 Drew Squirrely. How can you be kinky and not be touched?

1:07:33 Caller I don't understand that. I don't know, I can say some things, I mean, stuff that gets me off when I'm alone is really kinky. But then I can't...

1:07:42 Drew Things you think about?

1:07:43 Caller Yeah.

1:07:44 Drew Like, what does that include?

1:07:45 Caller Just a broad...

1:07:50 Caller I mean, the kinkier is better, I guess, when I'm with...

1:07:53 Drew We don't know what that means.

1:07:54 Adam You mean like you're having sex with somebody and they're smacking you around or something?

1:07:58 Caller It's never me, though. I never think about myself.

1:08:00 Drew You're looking at... you're imagining other couples.

1:08:03 Caller Yeah.

1:08:04 Drew And what are they doing?

1:08:05 Caller Well, I don't know. I really like... I don't really watch porn, but I've been into like a girl and just like a few guys or...

1:08:21 Drew So you need sort of extreme arousal in order to feel sexual.

1:08:24 Adam I'm stumped.

1:08:26 Drew There's a lot going on.

1:08:28 Adam She's fine. She's 18. She's not really acting out.

1:08:30 Drew Right, that's the best news is she's having all the conflicted feelings and intents and there's something there, but she's able to contain them. It's called effortful control by attention. She's able to have these impulses and identify them and go, I shouldn't do that. That's probably not a good thing for me to do. That's a very, very important thing to be able to do. You and Chris and Ray couldn't do effortful control by attention. Somebody would go, hey, do your homework, and you go, I don't want to, but I could choose a sub-dominant impulse because it's better for me. I can delay gratification. I can do something I don't really want to do.

1:09:03 Adam Well, let me explain.

1:09:04 Drew That's what Zona's going to do.

1:09:05 Adam She can do something. The cornerstone to all losers, all losers, and that's all who I hung out with, is they, we haven't talked about this in a long time, they don't do things they don't want to do.

1:09:18 Drew Can't delay gratification.

1:09:25 Adam Yeah, somebody says, look, you could do this homework and get an A on the test Monday, or you could go out and throw the football around and whatever it is they want to do. I also wonder if they want to do the other thing more than the other people. Like, I know people who would probably enjoy studying more than throwing a football around. And for the people who really hate studying and really love throwing a football, it's torture.

1:09:53 Drew You're right.

1:09:54 Adam And we never really do that. I mean, there's a lot of people out there who probably should get out and do something, like throw a football around, who can't really do it. But the point is that you don't get graded on how you throw the football, so you just go fail. But everything these guys, and I include myself in this group, all we ever did was all we ever wanted to do, which never turned out to be anything because no one had any money or any cars or anything. But all we did is not do homework and I mean, I never brought home a book. These guys never did any homework, they never took a test, they never did anything. They never did homework. I've done homework since, I don't know, I probably wrote a report in the seventh grade.

1:10:32 Drew Anyway, in Jonas' case, she got a lot of energy.

1:10:34 Adam No, that's about me, Drew.

1:10:35 Drew I know, I got to finish with Jonas, though.

1:10:37 Adam She's fine.

1:10:37 Drew A lot of energy, but a lot of sort of, and she probably would benefit from somebody kind of looking into things with her and putting things out.

1:10:44 Adam She thinks she's crazier than she is.

1:10:46 Drew Yeah, and is anxious and stuff, and all that stuff probably makes her uncomfortable, could be dealt with, but the fact that she can't contain these things is a very positive sign.

1:10:53 Adam Yeah, but good times.

1:10:54 Drew Good times.

1:10:54 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. There, buddy. Loveline. Adam, that's Dr. Drew. All right, buddy, what do you say?

1:11:14 Drew Good time.

1:11:15 Adam We're gonna keep a-rockin? Let's keep a-rockin now. Amber?

1:11:18 Yes?

1:11:19 Adam You're 23?

1:11:20 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:11:22 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:11:23 Caller No, I just wanna know how come I shake in the morning after drinking?

1:11:28 Drew That's alcohol withdrawal, the shakes.

1:11:30 Adam Oh, really? It shakes.

1:11:32 Drew And if you don't return to your drinking, that shaking can become seizures and DTs eventually.

1:11:38 Caller Because I drink every night.

1:11:40 Drew Yeah, well, you're getting sick now from it.

1:11:43 Adam Yeah, well, they'll let that be a lesson to you, not to stop drinking.

1:11:46 Drew Alcohol withdrawal is one of the only withdrawals from a drug for which the withdrawal is commonly fatal. So if it really gets going or if you were to get an infection on top of the withdrawal, this thing can really spiral out of control very quickly and very dangerously.

1:12:02 Caller Yeah, I don't like it, but I can't not.

1:12:09 Drew Can't not drink?

1:12:09 Adam That's correct, you need to get treatment. How much are you drinking?

1:12:14 Caller I drink about a 12-pack every night.

1:12:18 Drew This is, why don't you at least just call AA and have someone come pick you up and take you to a meeting and you'll find a lot of people there whose sole purpose is just to stay sober and to help people who are trying to get sober.

1:12:29 Caller The last time I went to AA, all I did was color.

1:12:33 Drew Color?

1:12:33 Caller Color.

1:12:35 Drew They have a, A, Were you nine when you went?

1:12:39 Adam They have an AAR for the retards that maybe got thrown in a short bus. 17?

1:12:46 Drew Was that Alateen? I suggest you go and give a call.

1:12:51 Adam You went to AA when you were 17?

1:12:55 Drew Either that, Amber, or get in a hospital right away. That's really the only choice you have.

1:13:00 Adam What kind of beer do you drink?

1:13:03 Caller Whatever beer is in my fridge.

1:13:06 Adam I know, but how does it get to your fridge? You go out and buy it, right?

1:13:11 Caller I do, or some guy does and he brings it over.

1:13:14 Drew Some guy?

1:13:16 Adam The beer fairy?

1:13:17 Caller What?

1:13:18 Adam What kind of beer do you drink?

1:13:21 Caller Any kind of beer.

1:13:23 Drew When you go to the store to buy it? You just, whatever the beer section?

1:13:27 Caller Whatever I can afford, basically.

1:13:29 Drew And what would that be?

1:13:30 Caller Well, tonight it was Red Dog.

1:13:36 Adam I just say, you know, I love our listeners that even someone who drinks a 12-pack of beer every night for the last several years, if you ask them, what kind of beer do you drink, you ain't gonna get an answer.

1:13:48 Drew They wanna argue.

1:13:49 Caller They wanna argue.

1:13:50 Adam Whatever's in the fridge. Like, you buy a refrigerator that has a unlimited number of 12 packs in it of the manufacturer's choosing. Like, really that's, whatever's in the fridge is your answer. And then when you start scratching beneath the surface, it's whatever the guy brings over. And then it turns into whatever I buy, but that's whatever's cheapest. Wait, you know, there has to be a theme. And yes, I understand you're not drinking Sam Adams. You're there buying, you know, old Heidelbrau, whatever generic bad canned beer that the market has on sale at the time. But I would say a pattern would be established after a certain number of years. But anyway, Amber.

1:14:40 Caller It hasn't been the past couple of years. It just started in February.

1:14:45 Drew Anyway, you need to get yourself some help, Amber. As you say, you can't stop. And stopping, in fact, could be dangerous unless it's medically supervised.

1:14:52 Adam All right. How about it, baby? You have a... Who's the man who brings the beer by? I'd like to swing by my place.

1:14:59 Caller My baby's daddy.

1:15:01 Adam Your baby's daddy. And how's he doing?

1:15:06 Caller He's not doing very well, either.

1:15:09 Drew He's drinking.

1:15:10 Caller Our son died.

1:15:12 Adam Oh. What happened?

1:15:16 Caller Bad times.

1:15:17 Yeah.

1:15:18 Drew So... Is that what escalated your drinking?

1:15:20 Yeah.

1:15:22 Adam How old was your son when he died?

1:15:24 Caller He would have been five months the day after.

1:15:29 Adam That's horrible.

1:15:30 Caller And then, um... No, the pills they gave me, like, trazodone, they gave me that to sleep, but that doesn't work.

1:15:36 Drew Yeah, I understand, but listen, the alcohol is just gonna block the potential for you actually doing some grieving here. And when you finally do stop drinking, you're still gonna have that same pain to contend with. Mm-hmm. And, uh, let's get on with it. Let's go. You're just on behalf of your child. The child doesn't want you... wouldn't have wanted your mother to be sick.

1:15:57 Caller Yeah. Maybe the kid took its own life.

1:16:00 Adam I know it sounds horrible, Drew. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I'm thinking, had I known about my parents, I think I would have taken myself out at five months.

1:16:11 Drew I think so.

1:16:12 Adam Rolled over, put the pill on my head.

1:16:13 Caller Yeah. It would have been a better life.

1:16:17 Drew Start over.

1:16:17 Adam No, I wouldn't want to take my life. I just wouldn't want to put myself in a coma for about...

1:16:22 Drew Just to burden your family?

1:16:23 Adam Let's just say 18 years, but let me make it 30.

1:16:25 Drew To burden your family?

1:16:26 Adam No.

1:16:27 Drew Just so you missed all that.

1:16:28 Adam Yeah.

1:16:30 Drew Get that.

1:16:30 Adam No.

1:16:31 Drew No, no, no.

1:16:32 Adam Listen, if I was in a coma, I'd die in the first few days.

1:16:35 Drew Because no one would take care of you.

1:16:36 Adam One of my family, it was in charge of feeding and wiping my ass, they'd screw that up almost immediately. No, I'd have to be in some sort of county hospital where I was perpetually plugged into something. Haley? You're 19? What's up?

1:16:56 Caller My dad had abandoned me sort of, he kind of walked out when I was about one, I think, and then kind of sporadically came in and out. You guys had, when you guys have girls who call and you guys ask them a lot of questions about their dad and if their dad had ever been in their life or what type of a person he was. You guys refer him to like a 12-step program type of a thing, but I was curious like what the specifics were on it just because I tried looking on the internet and stuff like that.

1:17:26 Drew Wait a minute, I didn't follow this.

1:17:29 Adam We don't, we don't refer to any 12-step program that has to do with their dad leaving.

1:17:33 Drew No.

1:17:34 Caller What do you guys normally refer them to?

1:17:37 Drew If somebody has residual feelings of abandonment because of what happened in their relationship with their father, that's time for therapy. Individual therapy.

1:17:50 Adam Yeah, oftentimes their dad was around, he was an alcoholic, we tell him to go to Al-Anon.

1:17:55 Drew Right, if dad was an alcoholic, that Al-A-Teen and Al-Anon can sometimes be helpful.

1:17:59 Caller Where's my bourbon?

1:18:00 Drew But if it's really...

1:18:01 Caller The thing that I had found, but it wasn't, and I was like, alcoholic, my dad's an alcoholic, so that's what I'm used to about.

1:18:06 Drew If it's not purely the abandonment issues, but the abandonment feelings are something that individual therapy is best for.

1:18:11 Adam Did you have a stepdad?

1:18:15 Drew Oh, well that's more abandonment.

1:18:17 Adam How'd that work out?

1:18:19 Caller Um, my mom had just kind of got married a couple times and, um, it's difficult because she wasn't happy in any of the marriages, and so it's kind of like I had to grow up very, very fastly, and, um, it kind of, actually, became more best friends.

1:18:35 Adam Didn't have time to go to grammar class. Yes, go ahead.

1:18:39 Caller Um, but yeah.

1:18:41 Adam Okay, well, hold on a sec now.

1:18:43 Drew So it's a lot of trauma.

1:18:44 Adam Yeah, did you, uh, you didn't get along with your step-dads?

1:18:49 Caller Um, no, didn't like them. I told my mom when I was ten years old that she shouldn't marry the guy that she married. She ended up divorcing him, I think, four or five years ago.

1:18:58 Adam He didn't like them, but he didn't abuse you or anything?

1:19:01 No, he never, no.

1:19:03 Adam Yeah, see, this is what I'm saying, and I know this sounds like a horrible message, but you might as well just, uh, sexually abuse your step-kids, because they'll hate you anyway. You know what I mean? Here's the thing. You can sexually abuse your step-daughter, and, you know, at least get something in it for yourself, or you can just keep paying the rent and have her hate you. My step-dad, my sister hates him.

1:19:29 Drew No matter what.

1:19:31 Adam Yeah, she always hates him. Girls hate all steps. Boys would care if they cared, you know, they'd hate them too if they cared more. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:19:41 Drew Yes, yes.

1:19:42 Adam Girls have the capacity to hate much more than guys. Step-parents for girls is horrible. My sister hated my step-mom, hated my step-dad. As it just turns out, they're both... Well, she may have had a point. But the point is... No, here's the deal. My step-dad was just a zero. Never spoke, never said anything, never did anything.

1:20:03 Drew He never did anything to you. It was the step-mom that took all the action on you.

1:20:06 Adam She was a bitch, yeah. She was horrible. Yeah, but it was just my pussy dad, my spineless puss of a dad who would never stand up to her. But the point is, is my step-dad didn't do anything to my sister. My sister still hated his guts, you know. He didn't do anything good either. He just was sort of around, you know. She figured out a way to hate him, whereas I just realized he was who he was. He was an alright guy. Didn't have any problem with him. Hung out a little bit. You know, what the hell? It's all good. I mean, that's all I'm saying. Alright, so what do I mean? Haley, how about some therapy? Alright, baby doll.

1:20:40 Drew Fantastic.

1:20:41 Adam Good times. Listen, is a stepparent prepared to be hated? That's all I'm saying. Why should, and is a stepchild prepared to be hated by the stepparent?

1:20:52 Drew No.

1:20:53 Adam Yeah, because who the hell wants some effed up 15-year-old that resents you living in your house? You know what that's like? You're paying for everything. You can't be, you're not my dad. No. That's horrible. No, listen, here's what you got to do. If you have a daughter and you're going to remarry, and she's like 13 or 14 years old, you have to put her in one of those drug-induced comas like they do to rehab people now. Just put them down.

1:21:23 Drew You mean talking about the rapid detox?

1:21:25 Adam The detox thing, yeah.

1:21:26 Drew And just keep her suspended there for a few years?

1:21:28 Adam I was talking about like 12 to 14 years. I'm talking about she's in her early 30s.

1:21:36 Drew When you wake up.

1:21:37 Caller Yeah.

1:21:37 Drew Bigger times.

1:21:39 Adam Because if you think that chick's going to be in the house with you from 13 to 19, she's got to hate your guts.

1:21:45 Caller Hate.

1:21:46 Adam The only one they hate more in stepdad is stepmom.

1:21:48 Drew I love these stepparents going with these idealized notions. We're going to be a family.

1:21:54 Adam They hate everybody.

1:21:55 Drew You're right. It's normal for them to do that.

1:21:57 Adam That's great. No, it's a good time.

1:21:59 Drew That's fantastic.

1:22:01 Adam Mike?

1:22:02 Yeah.

1:22:02 Adam You're 20?

1:22:03 Caller Yes, I am.

1:22:05 Adam What's up? You live with a suicidal mom?

1:22:07 Caller Yeah. She's having really hard times right now. She's on a pexor and I don't think it's working. It hasn't worked for a while. I think she's on 300 milligrams now.

1:22:15 Drew That's a big dose. Yeah. Is she on the XR?

1:22:20 Caller I'm not sure. I think it is.

1:22:22 Adam Does she tell you she's suicidal?

1:22:26 Drew She's currently?

1:22:27 Caller She's currently. She threatens to kill herself sometimes. She's just really, really depressed.

1:22:35 Drew Does she have a plan?

1:22:36 Caller Yeah. I've read…

1:22:38 Drew Mike, listen. She's been on a bunch of antidepressants, right?

1:22:42 Caller Right.

1:22:43 Drew She may need shock therapy. For people that do not respond to antidepressants that have persistent suicidal thinking, it can be life-saving.

1:22:51 Adam You've got to get to Not Scary Farm with her, and now.

1:22:54 Drew The Halloween Haunt is shocking.

1:22:56 Adam She'll forget about her problems. She'll be thinking of ghouls.

1:23:00 Drew No. Listen, Mike. All kidding aside, this can be quite... It's a life-threatening condition she has. She's not responding to the usual measures, so she has to be willing to go to whatever lengths are necessary to correct this, or she will die of her depression. Again, that is the time when electric shock therapy can be absolutely life-saving.

1:23:20 Adam She has a suicide plan, did you say?

1:23:22 Caller I've found notes of hers that seem like suicide notes that you would leave, and before she's talked about running her car into a tree as opposed to a post because the tree is rooted.

1:23:34 Adam Ah, I see.

1:23:36 Drew That's suicidal ideation, that's not a plan. The plan is at 8 o'clock tomorrow night, I'm going to run my plan.

1:23:42 Adam Well, it's a crappy plan.

1:23:44 Drew It's an ideation. But you should turn those notes over to a psychiatrist or somebody who's used to dealing with these things, because they're very serious.

1:23:52 Caller I've been trying to convince her to go back to her doctor because...

1:23:55 Drew Well, you call him, you call him or her. And you tell him what's going on, because at a certain point, the thinking associated with depression is so profoundly sort of rigid and dangerous that they don't have the opportunity to sort of make decisions on their own. Somebody's going to make it for them.

1:24:11 Adam Okay.

1:24:12 Drew And people are not allowed to kill themselves, so...

1:24:14 Adam All right. Hey, Mike, sorry about that.

1:24:18 Drew Hang in there. It sounds like you're on top of it, so hang in.

1:24:20 Caller Yeah, I'm trying to help her out.

1:24:22 Drew Do you have any other siblings? Do you have a support for you?

1:24:25 Caller No, I'm on my own. I just got back from the Navy. Wow. All right.

1:24:30 Adam Well, look, try not to let her destroy your life.

1:24:34 Caller Yeah, I'm trying to make a separation.

1:24:37 Adam Please do.

1:24:39 Drew But also intervene in ways that you can.

1:24:40 Adam Hey, but good times, you know. Good times. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey there, buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

1:24:55 Drew Reliving the traumatic Adam Carolla childhood once again during the commercial breaks.

1:25:00 Adam Ugh, pain in the ass.

1:25:06 Caller It's all good.

1:25:07 Adam It's a good time, sir. I mean, you know, everyone landed on their feet, you know?

1:25:11 Drew Yeah, amazing.

1:25:12 Caller It all worked out.

1:25:14 Adam So I tell Drew when he always freaks out with his kids and college and everything, it's fine, look at me. Look at me, buddy.

1:25:20 Drew Yeah, good times.

1:25:21 Adam Millionaire. Literally, literally a millionaire. I didn't do any college and I didn't do any homework. I don't know any second languages.

1:25:28 Drew You may have a lot of Corolla jeans, but the Pinsky jeans, not funny.

1:25:33 Adam They're not funny.

1:25:34 Drew Not entertaining. So we don't have access to all that big money you make.

1:25:41 Very funny.

1:25:43 Adam She's Ruth Buzzi.

1:25:46 Drew On a bad day.

1:25:48 Adam Oh, there's no, my mom is minus funny. Minus funny. Here's why my mom can't be, you can't say anything funny in front of her because of your goal.

1:25:57 Drew She sucks it up.

1:25:58 Adam What all these Asians driving so slow for? That's unfair. You cannot say that all Asians drive slowly. Maybe a larger percentage of them, but that doesn't, no way. No, no.

1:26:14 Drew You're making a point.

1:26:15 Adam Rebecca?

1:26:17 Drew Oh, she's sleeping?

1:26:18 Adam It's possible.

1:26:19 Drew 120, 115 minutes.

1:26:21 Adam Oh yeah, she's got to be asleep. Rebecca? Rebecca's 15. She has to watch her four-year-old sister after school because her mom works and her dad is no help.

1:26:35 Drew So we'd pretty much kick the crap out of the dad.

1:26:40 Adam Yeah, dad should be shouldering that burden. I don't know what to tell her to tell anybody else and she's asleep now anyway so. Maybe she had SIDS while she was on the phone. When do you get to stop having, can you be 15 and have SIDS Drew? I'm going to try for that.

1:26:57 Drew 15?

1:26:58 Mm-hmm.

1:27:00 Adam Dylan?

1:27:02 Yes, sir.

1:27:03 Adam You're 23?

1:27:04 Caller Yes, I am.

1:27:05 Adam What's up, buddy boy?

1:27:06 Caller Adam, I got a question for you.

1:27:09 Adam Sure.

1:27:10 Caller I've been listening for a while now. It's all, okay, the good times things. Now Drew has caught on to it. I've heard Jimmy say it. I know it's facetious. I know you're sarcastic. Where did that come from?

1:27:24 Adam I don't know.

1:27:26 Drew You were all Man Show crew started saying it, like season two.

1:27:30 Adam I don't know.

1:27:32 Drew It was that community that picked up. Then I started hearing it on The Simpsons, which I found bizarre.

1:27:38 Caller That seems to be very self-deprecating. Isn't that kind of apathetic, just accept the bad situation?

1:27:47 Adam Yeah. I don't know. I don't give it a lot of thought. I don't know where it came from. I'm unclear as to stuff that I've come up with and the stuff that other people have come up with. I don't understand how many of them are.

1:27:58 Drew I watched it because I wasn't part of your whole Man Show world. I watched it grow out of that group, like season two.

1:28:04 Adam I started saying it a lot, season two, and it did catch on, but it's unclear to me as to where I heard it and why I decide to say it a lot, although I periodically say things like it takes all kinds, and then other people say it, and another one is, yeah, but still, which is turned into everyone just saying it at the Jimmy Show, YBS, someone will go, listen, we got to do a story on Norman Fell, or something, we got to do a joke, and someone will go, what do you mean, no, someone will go, we've got to get such and such as a guest, and the other guy will go, hey, he died six months ago, and then you say, yeah, YBS.

1:28:48 Drew Yeah, but YB.

1:28:50 Adam YBS, yeah, but still. Yeah, it sounds like there's even a Yeah, but Still song written.

1:28:58 Drew Wow, YBS. It's all the way down to three letters.

1:29:01 Adam Yeah, yeah, but still.

1:29:03 Drew Yeah, but still, it sounds a little more poetic, at least.

1:29:05 Adam Yeah, because YBS sounds like Y bullcrap, yeah.

1:29:09 Drew It sounds retarded.

1:29:10 Adam Well, we know it, but we know we're, you know, yeah.

1:29:13 Drew It's a little too inside.

1:29:15 Adam Yeah, well, it's all right, because everyone is inside who we're talking to, but you try to use, yeah, but still, it works almost every time. It really does. Drew, let me just try a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a yeah, but still, I go like, um, Drew, you know what? I'm tired of you driving around those SUVs. You're, you need a nice hot four-door sedan, and I, and you're an idiot, because you keep driving those SUVs.

1:29:43 Drew I took care of that about six months ago, three months ago, that other SUV.

1:29:47 Adam You drive an M5? Yeah, yeah, but still.

1:29:51 Drew Perfect.

1:29:51 Adam You see? It's, it's when you're wrong, but you don't want to admit you're wrong.

1:29:56 Drew It just disarms.

1:29:57 Adam And it ends the conversation with you sort of being right. There's no, no comeback to yeah, but still. I, I use it all the time.

1:30:05 Drew It's a little bit I'm serious.

1:30:06 Caller Yeah.

1:30:07 Adam Yeah. Adam, I heard you talking on the radio about taking a crap in the shower.

1:30:12 Caller Did you do that?

1:30:14 Drew Your wife said that to you?

1:30:16 Adam Yeah, but still. James. You're 25. What's up?

1:30:24 Caller Oh, hanging in there. I've got a question for you. My girlfriend, she is, she's on birth control.

1:30:31 Caller She started taking antibiotics on Thursday.

1:30:35 Caller Last night, we had a sex, the condom broke. My question is, do we need to get the morning after a pill tomorrow morning? Or can she double up on her birth control?

1:30:48 Drew No, no, no, she shouldn't double up. Unfortunately. What is she taking? What birth control pill is she taking?

1:30:53 Caller It's the Tri...

1:30:55 Drew Triphasic? And she's been taking it properly? What antibiotic is she on?

1:30:59 Caller You know, I don't know. It was basically, she was like a chest cold, flu symptoms kind of thing.

1:31:07 Drew She ought to call the doctor who's prescribed the birth, both the pill and the antibiotic, whichever one of them, and hopefully it's the same person. You're on the birth control pill already, so morning after pill does nothing. Doubling up does nothing. I don't know... Yeah, I don't know if anything you can do...

1:31:23 Adam Get the morning after.

1:31:24 Drew No, no, no, no, no. That will do nothing. Why? Because she's already on birth control. The question is whether or not the antibiotic has somehow affected the effectiveness of the birth control pill. And boy, I don't know of anything else you can really do to intervene once the condom is already broken. So you really have to talk to your doctor about that. Richard.

1:31:43 Caller Yeah.

1:31:44 Adam Yeah, round of time, buddy. You got a black girlfriend. Your dad's a racist. You want to know how to introduce the two?

1:31:51 Caller Yeah.

1:31:52 Adam Don't do it. Don't introduce them. Now, you're 18. You're almost out of the house.

1:31:57 Drew Back to James.

1:31:58 Adam I'm going to freak your dad out.

1:31:59 Drew I'm thinking there are, if you don't have any philosophical problem with abortive pills, there may be something the doctor can do with RU-46, that sort of thing.

1:32:06 Adam Yeah. Or YBS-46. That's yeah, but still.

1:32:10 Drew Yeah, but still.

1:32:11 Adam We'll be right back.

1:32:26 Drew Oh yeah, I'm reading another two hours. We just broke into a new topic.

1:32:28 Caller Yeah, well we'll figure it out.

1:32:30 Drew We'll drive on the way home, talk about the way home.

1:32:31 Adam All right, well good times. Something Corporate, the band Something Corporate, is in here tomorrow night. We'll talk to them, and until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala.

1:32:42 Caller The last time I went to AA, all I did was color.

1:32:46 Drew Color?

1:32:46 Caller Color.

1:32:48 Drew Were you nine when you were?

1:32:52 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 19, 2003