Episode 1000576327355

0:59 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:01 Voiceover Hey everybody, it's Loveline. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, makes an appointment with Dr. Drew. Yeah, no guests tonight.

1:14 Drew Yeah.

1:17 Adam Oh, such a nuisance, those guests, Drew.

1:20 Drew Kelly was good, though.

1:21 Adam Kelly's good people.

1:23 Drew But still a nuisance as a guest, just because she was a guest, not because of her.

1:27 Adam They're all troublemakers.

1:29 Drew Right, that's right.

1:29 Adam You know how I look at them.

1:30 Drew Yes, I know.

1:31 Adam You know.

1:31 Of course it's weird, you have someone's dick in your.

1:38 Adam She's not real good at editing herself.

1:40 Drew No, no.

1:41 Adam Her bosom is heaving as well.

1:44 You know, the government invented AIDS.

1:46 Adam Oh, did, oh yeah.

1:47 Drew Did she say that?

1:48 Adam Did she mention that?

1:48 Drew That's right, she did, yeah.

1:50 Adam I stopped listening after the first hour, but she is a delight. And let me say this, there was one thing though, we got in a conversation with her about fashion and she was quick to point out that she doesn't dress for anybody, that she has her own style and that's for her. And I just don't know why women must cling to this. I mean, here's all I'm saying.

2:11 Drew Must be their perception of what they're doing. You know, they must really believe it because that's all I'm saying.

2:17 Adam Here's the whole thing about life in general. It's okay to do stuff for other people or to attract other people. It's okay to kiss your boss's ass if you think you're going to get a raise. You're kissing his ass. He's giving you a raise. There you go. It's not a bad thing. A kuna matata. That's what I say. A kiss of my ass is what I say and it's same with women. Look, you want to look good. The reason you want to look good is A, it feels good to look good and B, guys look at you more and you win. You beat the women. The guys are attracted to you. That's fine. I've never spoken to a woman who admits a piece of lingerie so her guy gets horny. It's all makes me feel sexy. Really? You got that piece of lace going up your ass for eight hours at work. That's makes you feel sexy. You can have a hash mark on a piece of yarn makes you feel sexy. What is that? And look, here's all you need to know. Women just left out on some deserted island. Boob jobs, thong back, Fredericks of Hollywood. Would they do anything?

3:31 Drew Would they?

3:32 Adam No, they wouldn't do anything.

3:33 Drew What if there were other women there?

3:34 Adam They might do other things.

3:36 Drew If no man, other women.

3:38 Adam Probably would form some form of competition. But women would not, women don't want to get up and put makeup on in the morning. They'd like to go to work in sweatpants. They don't want to do all that. All that plucking and puke grabbing and tanning. It makes them feel good. It's for them. I know, it's for them. But the second the male element is removed and they're on some island alone, they don't do it ever again there. So how much for them is it? And let me tell you something about me. Like I beat off for me. Put me on the island doesn't interrupt things at all. Actually, probably pick up the pace a little bit.

4:12 Drew If there was an electric outlet, that'd be scary.

4:15 Adam I think that's understood.

4:17 Drew Yes, Drew. Speaking of competition.

4:20 Adam Yes.

4:20 Drew We have a competition on our little program here. For the first time, somebody has thought it wise to put a competition on our show.

4:28 Adam Drew, let's go now, buddy.

4:29 Drew So we got to pick it up. The 28 Day Later movie is, right?

4:33 Adam 28 days.

4:34 Drew 28 days later.

4:35 Adam Yeah.

4:36 Drew It's going to be out on DVD and we're going to be giving DVDs. I'm looking when it comes out. October 21st, it'll be available. We're going to give out DVDs to everyone that gets on the air on our show between now and October 23rd.

4:50 Adam Really?

4:51 Drew Really. And if anyone...

4:53 Adam I'm going to filibuster then.

4:54 Drew All right.

4:55 Adam I'm going to talk all night. I won't take any calls for two days. So what is October 15th?

5:02 Drew It's today.

5:03 Adam Well, you said between today and October 15th.

5:05 Drew And October 23rd. Yeah.

5:08 Adam Boy, you screwing this one up.

5:09 Drew Maybe. All right. And then all of them will be put into a hopper. We'll pull out a winner.

5:14 Adam Did he say between today and October or that's me?

5:16 Drew That's you.

5:17 Adam I was just reading. You said October 23rd? October 23rd. So then what happens? We give away one.

5:21 Drew And we'll give away DVD of the 28 days later, but out of all the people that get on the air, the one will be picked that will get a 28 day stay at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas.

5:32 Adam Do we pick that one?

5:33 Drew And you're going to pick that one? And producer and I'll pick it. That's going to be my cousin. There's one plane ticket from wherever you are.

5:40 Adam And then two plane tickets, one, just one.

5:44 Drew And anyone you want can use that hotel room during that 28 days. Right.

5:47 Adam They got to get themselves there.

5:49 Drew They got to get themselves there. And they can use it until 28 days later. No, no. See how that works.

5:54 Adam I go out there. I get myself a hooker the first night and a chainer to the radiator in there. Right. People don't know where hookers are. They don't look for them. Society does not miss a hooker. 28 days, I make her my slave. See what I'm saying?

6:08 Drew I'm listening.

6:09 Adam I disappear. No one knows where I am.

6:11 Drew You're with her for 28 days?

6:12 Adam 28 days. She watches me watch spectrovision and masturbate for 28 days.

6:18 Drew And afterwards, when she's totally-

6:20 Adam I release her back into the wild. That's what I do, because I have a catch and release program with prostitutes.

6:26 Drew She's gonna need three years of intensive psychiatric care.

6:28 Adam Yeah, but she's a prostitute. You know what I mean? She's already wrecked. This is like entering a junk car in a demolition derby.

6:35 Drew There's one-

6:36 Adam It's already in bad shape. You see what I'm saying? No court in the land would convict me either.

6:41 Drew Yeah.

6:41 Adam You do a little psychiatric evaluation. We work that up.

6:45 Drew Yeah, you must be thinking like the guys that go out and kill prostitutes.

6:48 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's how I'm thinking.

6:50 Drew One catch or a little competition, you must be 18 years or older.

6:54 Adam There you go. So we're gonna start with the first person, isn't it?

6:57 Drew Yeah, and that person will get the-

6:59 Adam I have seen half of this movie.

7:02 Drew Really? Why only half?

7:04 Adam Because I got drunk and I fell asleep, but it's captivating. No, it's good. I don't know if you heard about this movie when it came out. It has alternate endings.

7:14 Drew Yeah, I saw all of the advertisements for it and people were talking about it. It's on video too, right?

7:19 Adam Yeah, I don't know how they shot it, but it's one of those Omega Man kind of movies where it's the end of the earth and there's only a handful of people left and they're running through the streets of London, there's nobody there. I don't know how they got rid of people.

7:33 Drew Eva? Yes.

7:35 Adam You're 22? Hey, you got yourself a DVD, baby doll. Yeah, I'll give one to my dad. Another 30 years when he gets a DVD player. He can enjoy it. He'll be 111. What's up?

7:53 Hi, well, thanks for having me. Um, well, I had a question. I can't orgasm. It doesn't, I can't, I just can't do it. And I don't know what's going on. I have a nurse, I mean, a friend who's a nurse and she said she heard it was some sort of medical condition. I was wondering if Dr. Drew could help me with that.

8:15 Drew No, it's not a medical condition.

8:16 Adam Not being able to orgasm?

8:18 Drew Most women under 18 have trouble orgasming. And around your age, they usually find some means whereby they can do it, but not intercourse.

8:27 Adam Yeah, I've found, to me, I've had difficulty with women under 18, over 18 and then 18.

8:33 Drew And any age. Well, no, no. And 62 also.

8:36 Adam No, I said under 18.

8:39 Drew Over 18.

8:39 Adam Over 18.

8:40 Drew And 18.

8:41 Adam And 18. That's not all women.

8:43 Drew Got it, got it.

8:44 Adam Jesus.

8:45 Drew Ava, are you expecting to have an orgasm during intercourse?

8:50 Um, no, the thing is, I try mostly when my boyfriend gives an oral sex and it just kind of seems like I'm getting there, but it just gets too intense.

9:05 Adam You lost your 22. You lost your virginity three months ago, it says on the screen. I find women have difficulty who are under 22 and then and then over 22 and then I've had trouble with the 22 year olds as well. Yeah. Why did you lose your virginity so late in life?

9:26 Um, I just didn't really find anyone who I really wanted to do it with. I mean, well, physically, well, yeah, but not not emotionally tied to anyone, you know?

9:39 Drew Any any issues? You feel bad about your sexuality?

9:44 No, not really. Well, I do feel a little guilty only because, you know, you're brought up one way, religiously or whatever.

9:52 Drew All right. Listen, you're only three months into this. Your boyfriend's got to sort of work this out with you. I'm sure you'll find a way and maybe get practice by yourself kind of thing. I know that's probably something doesn't make a lot of sense to you.

10:08 Adam Yeah, she got a late start.

10:09 Drew But again, the difference between men and women, ain't no drive to do this.

10:12 Adam Right.

10:13 Drew Man is just waiting till 22, just biding his time. No, no, just waiting for the right moment. Sure. And then women will also say that masturbation like doesn't make sense, doesn't feel right.

10:22 Adam Yeah, some of them.

10:23 Drew Well, I'm sure it was in that category.

10:25 Adam Yeah, she got a slow start. She's a religious family.

10:28 Drew She'll figure it out.

10:29 Adam Any religion in your family grown up, Drew?

10:32 Drew Not really.

10:32 Adam No church, synagogue.

10:34 Drew I went to Passover Action. There wasn't like about eight.

10:39 Adam You did what? Jew stuff? That's funny. It's always funny.

10:45 Drew Yeah.

10:45 Adam What'd you do?

10:46 Drew I went to Saturday school.

10:47 Adam Oh, really? I think we could have been into religion, the Corollas, but it would have been something.

10:54 Drew Yeah. Something weird.

10:55 Adam No, it would have been something.

10:57 Drew Oh, you're not into anything.

10:58 Adam My family's not into anything. That would have been movement. That would have meant, I mean, think about it. You join a religion. You got to go somewhere. Right. On Sunday, you got to put a bonnet on. You have to get up. You have to get dressed. You have to go to church. It would have been something. Yeah.

11:11 Drew You put a bonnet.

11:11 Adam Michelle.

11:12 Drew You don't put a bonnet on on Sunday?

11:13 Adam You got to put a bonnet on if you want to leave the house on Sunday. Oh, yes. Even Atheus will put a bonnet on. Engineer Michelle's stepping in for an engineer. Chris, I miss that kid. He's here. Oh, he is?

11:26 Drew He doesn't like us anymore.

11:28 Adam Oh, he's over there? I'll tell you. It's Dynamite Kid. A little Gabby. A little Gabby. I can't focus on my work. You know what I mean?

11:35 Drew I have a lot of listeners here all the time.

11:36 Adam Does a little too much ass kissing, a little too much gabbing. Other than that, I got no problem with the kid. No quarrel at all. You know what I mean? A little chatty for me. Hey, Chris, what do you like about the show? Nothing. Okay. Thanks, buddy. Let's get back to the calls.

11:52 Drew Jeff, what do you learn about radios? It's watching out at work.

11:55 Adam Hello, Reed. Don't prepare and stay away from the Internet. Okay, Jeff.

12:03 Hey, first, I just want to say, guys, I love the show. I'm a long time listener. First time fake caller.

12:08 Adam Well, I'll tell you what. I said fake caller. But let me tell you this, Jeff. Yeah, I got a light. I got a lightning round plan tonight.

12:14 Drew No.

12:16 Adam It's going to be big.

12:17 Drew What are we highlighting?

12:18 Adam Well, I mean, you got to hit the you got to hit the weather.

12:21 Drew Yeah, of course.

12:22 Adam You got to hit the weather in you because that's that changes. You got traffic.

12:28 Drew You know, we got to hit traffic. How many days a week?

12:31 Adam And then there's news.

12:31 Drew Do you think there is an accident in LA freeways every day, every single day? They make a major sort of undertaking a major sort of drama out of each and every little fender bender.

12:41 Adam Well, here's here's here's my ultimate question. How many times have you ever changed or altered your morning commute because of something you heard on the radio? Now, people pipe up. They go, oh, no. I've I've done it. I've done it. You've done it three times in 23 years. You've heard 700 million reports. You've done it three times. Not not a great average. Do you see what I'm saying?

13:09 Drew Yes. Wasting our precious life.

13:13 Adam I look at it that way. And it has it's usually has nothing to do with the direction you're going and you most of the time here when you're at home, I find that as well. OK, where are we talking? Wait, did Jeff say fake question?

13:27 Drew Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

13:30 Adam Jeff.

13:31 Yeah.

13:32 Adam Is this a real question?

13:35 Drew Because you said first time fake caller.

13:37 No, I said first time caller.

13:38 Adam No, you said fake caller.

13:42 Well, anyway, so much.

13:43 Adam All right. I'm tired of him. He doesn't get a 28 Days Later DVD, by the way. He didn't ask a question. Yes.

13:51 Drew Fair enough.

13:52 Adam Controversy. Megan.

13:54 Drew Anderson, get that out where he says first time fake caller. It's like three minutes ago.

13:57 Adam No, I believe us. Megan.

14:00 Drew What? Anderson, what?

14:01 Adam Why not?

14:02 Drew It'd be fun. I know he said it.

14:04 Adam Go ahead. I mean, why not what?

14:07 Drew Get it out so we can hear it. Yeah. I'm gonna go get it.

14:09 Adam I know.

14:10 Drew But just to prove to our listeners in case they missed it.

14:12 Adam OK, Megan, but our listeners missed the entire show. They're going to missed a part where we show them proof to them they missed it.

14:19 And a little prick that we got it and we know.

14:21 Yeah.

14:22 Drew Keep going.

14:23 Adam Megan.

14:24 Drew We're we're cadence night. Yes.

14:26 Yeah.

14:27 Adam You're 15. What's up?

14:36 Caller And I still see things.

14:37 Mm hmm.

14:39 Caller And I haven't done them for quite a while.

14:43 Adam Hmm.

14:46 Yeah.

14:46 Adam Well, you see trailers behind things.

14:50 Caller No, it'll be like it can range from like, if I look at a pattern, it'll start like moving around, you know, kind of like you are on mushroom.

14:58 Drew That could be a residual effect. The mushroom, I can tell you with LSD when people have those sort of leftover effects. Those are the people that tend to have real serious brain injuries from the from the drugs. And we I've always believed that mushrooms would do the same kind of thing if you use a lot of them. And you're certainly one of the people that have done a lot. So and you're having the residual effects. So I'm concerned you're going to end up with a lot of depression and anxiety.

15:24 Caller And then it only got worse once I started using.

15:28 Drew And you're really you're talking about sort of lines moving and that sort of thing. You're not talking about actually seeing faces.

15:33 Caller Yeah, I'm talking seeing things, seeing things.

15:36 Adam How many times did you do mushrooms?

15:39 Caller Around four.

15:41 Caller Four?

15:41 Drew That's not that many.

15:42 Adam Listen, lightweight.

15:44 Drew If you're only when you got a problem, if you're seeing things, you've got to get evaluated. Sometimes there are medical reasons for that sort of thing. Sometimes they're very serious psychiatric problems, but it needs evaluation. Megan, OK? All right.

15:54 Adam But no more shrooms for you, lightweight. Yeah.

15:59 Drew All right.

16:01 Adam I got to get back in a shroom, Stru. They expand my mind, dude.

16:04 Drew Dude, I'm telling you, dude, I'm telling you.

16:07 Adam Now you're the man.

16:09 Drew Oh, that's right.

16:09 Adam That's why you don't have creative juices, man.

16:12 Drew No, remember, I'm like I'm campaigning against pot or something, right? Isn't that it? I don't want people to smoke pot.

16:16 Adam You're very uptight, dude. I got to get into the weed. I get some mushrooms. I get something. I got on a scale that's one hundred ninety eight pounds. Oh, can't lose an ounce. Not an ounce.

16:29 Drew That's your man body.

16:31 Adam I've hit my man body weight and that's it. I watch what I eat. I exercise.

16:35 Drew And my man body, we mean old man body.

16:38 Adam Old man body. It's not it's not moving. Not going anywhere. You spend a whole week, spend a whole week. You back off on the carbs. You skip your rope at night. You get some exercise, you watch what you eat. Pow. Exactly the same.

16:53 Drew You know what? Running.

16:54 Adam You got to run. Why running?

16:56 Drew I don't know. That's got to run.

16:58 Adam Everyone says that.

16:59 Drew When I found my...

16:59 Adam What about skipping my rope and watching my TV?

17:01 Drew You would think, but I don't know. I doubt it would do the same thing for me.

17:05 Adam No. You know my problem with skipping rope? I'm too smooth. I barely move. Barely lift my feet off the ground. I can skip rope and watch TV for 25 minutes. I'm straining, breathing hard.

17:17 Drew That's not the idea. The idea is to work hard for it.

17:20 Adam No, but I'm sweating and I'm getting, I'm feeling it. All right. I hate running.

17:24 Drew I know I do too, but I've sort of found a nice place to run.

17:27 Adam You know what? Nothing worse.

17:28 Drew Look at the lake up there now.

17:29 Adam All right. I'm going to run. Nothing worse than that treadmill.

17:33 Drew I've learned to read on a treadmill.

17:35 Adam You didn't know how to read before you got a treadmill?

17:37 Drew No, I got a treadmill.

17:38 Adam That's what it sounded like.

17:38 Drew This would be good for you. I know. I mean, I can read while I run.

17:42 Adam I sweat too much to read on a treadmill. I would spatter sweat on the page. The ink would come and stick together and be like porn. It would be a disaster. Here's what I don't like about the treadmill. I don't like about the treadmill is it feels like you've been on it forever when you've been on for 11 minutes, number one. And then it's like you bust your hump and you go, how long have I went? 0.7 miles. It felt like I busted my hump. I haven't even made it to a mile. And then I love that calorie burning thing. I burnt 40. Yes. I'm clutching my side. I have a calf cramp. I've lost fluid. I'm writhing in pain. I'm rolling on the floor. I made it 0.7 miles. I burned 42 calories. And I've been on for 11 minutes. And one raisinette, 70 calories. How does this work, by the way? There's no way this works. I mean, mathematically.

18:36 Drew It works, you gotta run for hour and a half.

18:38 Adam You run for an hour and a half and you work off half a grapefruit. Well, what do you mean? How does that work? Everyone should be morbidly obese if that's the equation.

18:48 Drew Because I really think that the biology of your appetite is set by your genetics. And it's just, you're gonna eat.

18:54 Adam What you're gonna eat.

18:55 Drew You're gonna eat. If you run off, you know, for 300 or 400 calories.

19:00 Adam I know, but you do that stupid calorie counter thing and it's like, it's disturbingly low.

19:06 Drew I know.

19:06 Adam All right, I'm done. That's it. Listen, I'm married. I'm funny. Why do I care what I look like anymore? Do you know what I mean?

19:14 Drew You're on the radio.

19:15 Adam I'm on the radio. I'm on the radio now. Talking about it.

19:20 Drew No, that's weird.

19:21 Adam Wow, dude. That was heavy. We like went to where we were. Did you notice that? Freak out, dude. That was a mushroom thing.

19:31 Drew I know.

19:31 Adam Jen?

19:33 Drew Yes.

19:34 Adam You're 20?

19:34 Drew Oh, wait a second. Hold on.

19:37 Adam Engineer Anderson has pulled up where this wise ass said fake call and then denied it. Should we hear this?

19:42 Hey, first I just want to say guys, I love the show. I'm a long time listener. First time fake caller.

19:49 Drew Fake caller.

19:51 Adam Nice work Anderson. Jen? You're 20, what's up?

19:56 Drew We're good.

19:57 Caller Oh, first time. I just want to say that you guys are awesome. Two questions for Dr. Drew. So I just have a question. If you take birth control for a long period of time and you stop, is that going to affect how long it takes for you to get pregnant?

20:16 Drew It can be up to six months, but.

20:17 Caller It can be? All right.

20:20 Drew Why? You want to hurry to get pregnant?

20:23 Caller Well, I was thinking about it, but I wanted to know if I stopped taking it, how long it would take.

20:27 Drew It would take, on average, most people regained their fertility within six months.

20:31 Adam You're 20?

20:34 Drew We don't recommend babies at 20.

20:36 Adam Why don't you wait a little bit longer?

20:38 Huh?

20:41 Caller But I still want, you know, I'll think about it.

20:44 Adam Who's the man? Are you married?

20:46 Yes.

20:47 Adam How long have you been married?

20:49 Six months.

20:50 Adam Six months. You should be able to, why don't you give yourself a couple of years of marriage? See, just make sure he's the right one. Everything works out.

20:58 Drew And also enjoy it a little bit if you want.

21:01 Adam Travel. See the sights. Huh? Possibly he's in Colorado. Travel to nearby Utah.

21:11 Drew Just ski.

21:12 Adam How about some skiing?

21:13 Caller Yeah, I don't ski.

21:14 Drew Oh, what?

21:16 Adam You live in Colorado and you don't ski, huh?

21:18 Caller I know, I've lived here my whole life and I've never been skiing.

21:21 Drew What?

21:22 Adam I don't know, I know, cause you're poor, right?

21:26 Caller I'm not poor, no, it just doesn't appeal to me.

21:28 Adam Is your family poor?

21:30 Caller No.

21:31 Adam What did your dad do for a living?

21:33 Caller He owned a construction company.

21:34 Adam Duh-huh, abusive, abusive alcoholic.

21:39 Caller No, no, absolutely not an alcoholic.

21:41 Adam White trash. You were raped by a roofer when you were 13, yes?

21:46 Caller No, no, never.

21:48 Adam Yes, yes. What does your husband do?

21:52 Caller He cleans carpets.

21:59 Adam Who the hell is that?

22:01 Drew That was her.

22:02 Adam Now that's your buddy, right?

22:03 Caller Yeah.

22:05 Adam Yeah, listen, cleaning carpets is worse.

22:08 Caller It's just something he's doing while we're like, right now, teaching right now.

22:14 Adam Telling him to gain admittance to junior college? Telling him to get his roofing gig? Going, oh my God. Listen, you screwballs. Talking about having kids in the same breath as cleaning carpets is sacrilege.

22:29 Drew Yeah, it's criminal. It's criminal behavior. Hey, how about that contest we're running?

22:35 Adam Oh my Christ's sake. I clean carpets, worst goddamn job in the world. The worst. The worst! Make any money. Gotta go everywhere after it's closed. I never got to clean any houses. We only cleaned restaurants. I'm telling you, I was punished, Drew. Punished. Punished by the Almighty. Do you understand?

22:54 Drew You must be a very bad, you must be a sinner.

22:57 Adam I worked for an asshole. He ripped us off. It sucked. He wouldn't pay us until we got to the job. I only cleaned like rib joints in the middle of the night.

23:07 Drew Yeah, but you'd heat up the stoves. You'd fire it all up and cook yourself a meal.

23:11 Adam Yeah, a couple of times when we did like a hamburger hamlet. I got my buddy Ray got on the grill, fired that up. I got on the carpet one, made ourselves some burgers. That's the only decent thing that ever happened to us. All right. Oh, that's a horrible job. That carpet plan.

23:26 Drew Just think now you'd be caught on video doing that.

23:28 Adam Yeah, everything would be videoed now. Yeah, yeah. Hey, but good times.

23:32 Drew Anyway, good times. 28 Days Later is the name of the upcoming DVD.

23:35 Adam Why, we got to do that twice in this break?

23:37 Drew Just this break, yes.

23:38 Adam Oh really?

23:39 Drew If you wish.

23:39 Adam Twice at the top of each one?

23:40 Drew We can do it again next time if you want.

23:41 Adam All right, go ahead, Drew.

23:43 Drew All right, so between now and October 23rd, we will be giving everyone who gets on the air, who is over the age of 18, a DVD of the soon to be available 28 Days Later, which will be out on October 21st. Any of the people that get on the air and receive this DVD will be throwing you all in a bin, pulling one winner out who will get 28 days at the Hard Rock Cafe, God, what cafe? Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. And that is a transferable, in other words, you can use that room with whomever or for whomever you wish, but one airline ticket to get there.

24:13 Adam Yeah, well, I'm gonna sneak my hooker in there. Like I said, chain her up for 28 days.

24:18 Drew But you won't be, whoever wins is gonna have to invite you over to stay there with your hooker.

24:24 Adam I was gonna rig it so I won, but not talk about it on the air. Oh, well. I think I may have screwed up. Let me tell you this. I've watched the first half of this movie. It's delightful and it's a romp, but here's the thing. Here's what I've learned about what happens after the apocalypse. Only the strong survive. It's a very it's a hardy breed. Not a lot of pasty, Zoftic types who have allergies.

24:49 Drew Right.

24:49 Adam It's a scrappy breed. They're never big either.

24:52 Drew Stephen Hawking's not gone.

24:55 Adam All the people that rely on batteries for wheelchairs gone. It's a scrappy breed that's left. And let me tell you the breed. It's not big and hulking. This is if you fit this bill, you may make it past. They're lean and they're scrappy. Chicks, tomboyish, but attractive. We got that to look forward to. Fat chicks, don't make the cut. They don't make the cut. There's no lesbians, there's no fat chicks. There's a multi-ethnicity, but they've all sort of melded into one. They're all one big mulatto hot chick.

25:27 Drew Hot mulatto chicks, that's all that's left. Johnny Quest ethnicity.

25:32 Adam Villain?

25:33 Drew Villain, yes.

25:34 Adam No, no, that's an Asian Indian thing. The guys are white and black.

25:39 Drew Gay males make it?

25:40 Adam No.

25:41 Drew Do not make it.

25:42 Adam Come on, buddy. God has a perfect opportunity to clean the canvas. You know what I mean? You think he's gonna let them buy?

25:48 Drew Send those letters right here.

25:50 Adam I'm just saying. I mean, don't send them to me, send them to God. This is a perfect excuse to take out the garbage. Just listen to me.

25:57 Take out the garbage.

25:58 Adam Here's what I'm saying. I'm just saying the apocalypse is like God shaking the world, like an Etch-A-Sketch, right? He's not gonna let everyone buy. He doesn't wanna make the same mistake twice. You understand what I'm saying? Okay, so here's who he lets buy us. He lets scrappy white guys, attractive but lean, 165 pounds, maybe 5'9, 5'10. He lets attractive, lean and scrappy black men buy. He lets no fat or gay people buy. And he lets attractive, short haired, non-lesbian women buy. This is what's left. I've seen many apocalyptic movies now where there's just a handful of people left. This is who makes it. It's no guy with a double chin and pasty white skin.

26:40 Drew You with your man body, you're done. You're toast.

26:42 Adam My new man body? No, it's not gonna work. Yeah, I'm gone. Me and engineer Michelle, we'll just put our arms around each other and then we'll be incinerated. Fantastic. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, got a big lightning round coming up tonight, kiddies. Oh, it's gonna be powerful. I'm gonna have the temperature and the weather in there, get some traffic going.

27:16 Drew Yeah, Jack Knight tractor trailer, I'm sure of it. There's gotta be one. There's one every morning, so why shouldn't there be one?

27:22 Adam Well, we don't know. We don't know, but I can tell you, you may have to look out for brake lights.

27:26 Drew And the mattresses.

27:27 Adam Slow and go. Cindy?

27:32 Yes.

27:32 Adam You're 25?

27:34 Caller Yes.

27:35 Adam What's up?

27:37 Caller Well, I called because I have problems having orgasms. So, I was wondering if you could help me with that.

27:47 Drew Well, what's the problem?

27:49 Caller It's really difficult for me to have one, and I can only have them when I'm on top, and then not every time. And I've never been able to have one through masturbation.

28:02 Drew How about oral sex?

28:04 Caller No, not that either.

28:06 Drew And how long does it take you when you're on top?

28:08 Caller A while. Like usually, the guy finishes first, and then I'm left sitting there.

28:16 Drew How long does it take you?

28:19 Caller At least 15 minutes.

28:21 Adam 15, that's not too bad.

28:23 Drew But you're able to do it.

28:28 Caller It's really annoying that I can't have one through masturbation because I'm not in a relationship right now.

28:32 Drew Have you tried the vibrators and that sort of thing?

28:36 Caller Yes.

28:37 Adam How about the tub?

28:38 Caller How about the what?

28:40 Adam The bathtub.

28:41 Caller In the bathtub? I've never really tried it. My bathtub is really small, so it kind of is uncomfortable.

28:49 Adam Is it smaller than your hoo-ha? You can work it out. Let's say you try that. Why aren't you in a relationship?

28:59 Caller I don't know. I can't find anyone.

29:02 Adam What are you doing? What's your life like?

29:05 Caller I'm a student right now.

29:08 Adam Uh-oh.

29:08 Drew Right now. I've never heard of a student right now.

29:10 Adam That's what you say when you're going to junior college and you're 25.

29:14 Drew I see.

29:16 Adam Yes? All right. I smell that junior college. And listen, quit that junior college unless you're studying anything but nursing.

29:28 Caller Well, I worked first and then I went back to school. So I kind of had to start over again.

29:32 Adam What are you studying?

29:34 Caller Environmental science.

29:36 Adam What do you expect to do with that?

29:39 Caller Hopefully do something to save the environment.

29:45 Adam Mm-hmm.

29:47 Caller Anything like maybe work for the parks department or something.

29:50 Adam All right. Do you really need to go to school for that? Can't you just get a job?

29:54 Drew Hard to get the jobs.

29:55 Caller I think you do really have to go to school for that.

29:58 Adam How long have you been in?

29:59 Caller Unless you have a degree.

30:01 Adam From junior college? No, no.

30:03 Caller I'm going to transfer.

30:05 Adam Okay.

30:06 Caller Yeah.

30:06 Adam And when are you transferring?

30:08 Caller When? In a year.

30:10 Adam Let's go now. Let's get it going now. All you people in junior college just spending my tax dollar and floundering over there, hanging out at the Snack Shack and hating your parents and scoring weed. Let's get moving now.

30:21 Drew And Sidney, I think maybe-

30:22 Adam Ass her off the pot.

30:23 Drew A relationship. Someone you can work with on this stuff. And I'm surprised you can't use a vibrator or something.

30:29 Adam I'm surprised she hadn't thought of it or had she thought of it didn't work, but she hadn't tried the tub. You got to try the tub. You'll never go back once you try the tub and get the hell out of junior college. I don't know if she's living at home. Things didn't sound right to me with it. Are you living at home, Cindy?

30:46 Caller No, I'm not. I live in an apartment with two friends.

30:50 Adam You're working?

30:51 Caller I was. I'm not right at this moment, but kind of work between jobs. I was working at the phone company.

30:58 Adam Oh, I don't know why, but that sounds bad.

31:00 Caller It is bad. That's why I stopped.

31:03 Adam No. Well, good times. Let's talk to Isaac. Really? All right. Isaac. You're 25?

31:14 Caller Yeah, 25.

31:15 Adam What's up?

31:16 Caller Oh, I just wanted, I figured out, me and my partner, I'm at work right now. We figured out a way that you could have one of your goals in life set or accomplished. You wanted to have like a robe or a cape taken off for you?

31:28 Adam A cape.

31:29 Drew A cape. A big red satin interior and a big high collar like dragon.

31:34 Caller Nice.

31:35 Adam Yeah. I'm flexible in the cape. Yeah.

31:37 Caller I was thinking like one of those celebrity boxing matches.

31:40 Adam Oh, that would be nice.

31:44 Caller Yeah. There's got to be like.

31:45 Drew Isaac. That's that's that's thinking.

31:48 Caller Yeah.

31:49 Adam I was I wanted to do that. And then they wanted me to fight China, China, who's I don't know if you know is a chick.

31:59 Caller I think I had to put my money on China.

32:01 Adam Yeah. A lot of people would do a lot of people would do that.

32:05 Drew You didn't think about the Cape coming off.

32:06 Adam I didn't think about that.

32:07 Drew Well, that's the road.

32:08 Adam That's the road coming off.

32:10 Drew But that'll put you in the ring.

32:12 Adam Hey, Isaac.

32:13 Caller What's that?

32:13 Adam Would you really put your money on China?

32:18 Caller She's that's a big girl.

32:20 Adam Yeah. This is people don't know anything about boxing. But here's the thing. They were trying to get me to fight China and that celebrity boxing thing. And I said, no, just get me a guy. And they're like, oh, she's bad ass. She's talking smack. She's big girl. Yeah. She's a big girl. She's she's five, eight and a half and she's one hundred and seventy five pounds. That's and she's all muscle. That's that's a big girl. But I'm six, two and I'm two hundred pounds. I'm not a muscle.

32:49 Drew But you're a trained boxer.

32:50 Adam Yeah. I mean, the whole you're working the big angle, which is an interesting angle, except for I still weigh 20 pounds more than she does. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a weird angle to work. However, she's a big muscular girl.

33:02 Drew Could have gotten two of your life's goals in one event. Could have gotten your hands registered as a result of what you did to her.

33:08 Adam Yeah. Would have been great. Just beat the crap out of a chick. That's great. Instead, Joey Budafuco beat the crap out of her and he really came off looking like a jackass. It was like throwing her around and everyone is like, oh, why are you hitting her? And he's like whacking her in the head and knocking her down and cheap shot and he just came across like the biggest ass in the world.

33:28 Drew And you can't win doing that.

33:29 Adam You want to fight a chick? Please. All right. Let's talk to Rachel, who's 17. Rachel.

33:38 Caller Yeah.

33:38 Adam What's up, baby doll?

33:41 Caller I had like, I was at a party with my boyfriend and one of my friends and we had sex and I was on my period and I didn't use protection and all like two of my friends, I told them about it.

33:57 Adam Hold on a second. I was at a party with my friend and I had sex with my boyfriend and I may have gotten pregnant because he didn't pull out, but I didn't finish him with my hand and then one of my friends said I might be pregnant, but I don't believe them because I don't feel pregnant and I know when I'm pregnant because I have a rich history of being pregnant. I was pregnant when I was nine and I was pregnant again when I was 11 and I'm pregnant now and I'll be pregnant tomorrow and I'll die pregnant and I'll give birth to a baby in my coffin and I'll have to dig it out. She sounded like a delight didn't she? No, You are, are you drunk or high right now? Were you drunk or high or both? Both.

35:09 Drew When?

35:09 Adam Yeah, baby. I like to party with you. You sound hot.

35:10 Drew Rachel.

35:10 Adam We're gonna pick, we'll clean up this whole call in editing. We'll tighten it up.

35:11 Drew When did this happen, that you had this in front of you? So pretty soon, you can go get a pregnancy test over the counter and find out if you're pregnant. You were on your period when you had the contact though, right? Did he ejaculate?

35:27 Caller Yeah, like once or twice.

35:30 Drew Once or twice. In you?

35:33 Adam You know, she may be counting two ejections twice and then three is three, yeah. He had three and a half ejaculations and a dribble. Rachel. Let's talk a bigger picture. All right. First off, where are you calling from? Stanford, somewhere in the Bay Area? Missouri. I'm always wrong with that stuff. You're 17. Are you in high school? Are you going to graduate?

36:09 Caller Actually, I'm not in high school. I'm in like a alternative school.

36:14 Adam Why is that? Because you're a troublemaker?

36:17 Caller No, because my mom put me in there because I missed too many days at the other school.

36:22 Adam Oh, okay. Well, it was your mom's fault then.

36:24 Caller Yeah.

36:25 Adam Okay. And what do you do at the alternative school besides call your teachers by the first name and decide whether you want to attend alternative classes and smoke?

36:36 Caller We can't smoke at school, get in trouble for it.

36:39 Adam You got to step out onto the sidewalk.

36:40 Caller But we have group and we talk about smoking weed and drinking and stuff like that.

36:47 Adam Do you get to call your teachers by the first name?

36:49 Caller Uh-huh.

36:52 Adam You know your teachers?

36:53 Drew Have first names and last names?

36:54 Adam I don't know. Maybe they don't call them teachers at alternative schools. Maybe they call them adult helpers or something.

37:00 Caller I only have two classes, though.

37:03 Adam What are they just for S's and giggles?

37:07 Caller 21st century English and Geometry.

37:11 Adam Wow. That's a good alternative school curriculum. Are you learning anything?

37:18 Caller But I don't like my English teacher because I don't know.

37:23 Adam Yeah, because he's a guy named Ken who wears sandals and he has a scraggly beard and he freaks you out because you know he wants to hump you. Aha. I knew it.

37:33 Drew Could be the same description.

37:34 Adam Same description, though? Sandals, beards, scraggly hair, wants to kiss you. That's...

37:41 Drew Yeah.

37:43 Adam Unless I know. Let me tell you something about the alternative schools, Drew. It's basically, it's the liver of schools. It's all the stuff that gets passed through and it gets caught up in there.

37:55 Drew Yeah.

37:55 Adam It's the filter, OK? But it's not only... It's sort of the bottom of the funnel. It's the lint trap of academics. This catches all the... You know, when you watch a pack of matches or somebody's business card, it gets all scraggled and frayed. This is where it ends up. This is where it ends up, OK? And it's not only the students, it's the faculty. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Think about, think about who ends up there. These are teachers that have a little difficulty getting along in the system as well. They end up there. We had an alternative school over at North Hollywood High. It was called Amelia Earhart. They always give it some crazy euphemistic name, you know? It should just be called Dunst Academy, but it should be like Hesher Lane or something. They carve out a corner of the school, they put a couple of plants around it, and they take kids who really need to drop out of school and go to work. They just warehouse them for about a year and a half, and then they cut them loose on a society.

38:57 Drew How did you avoid that?

38:59 Adam I played football and baseball.

39:01 Drew That qualified you for not having to go?

39:05 Adam I had to not. I couldn't get thrown out of school because if I got thrown out of school, I couldn't play sports. So it kept me going in school. Good times, though, right? Yeah. I carried a D average.

39:19 Drew Did the F people go to alternative?

39:22 Adam The Fs? Yeah. The people who would end up at the alternative school were the people who were into drugs, cut amazingly.

39:31 Drew Everything.

39:31 Adam Wildly. Yeah. Who cut class every day and who now you just you had to have a 10. You had to like take a swing at a teacher, smoke a lot of weed and cut class all the time. That's how you ended up there. But then once you got there, you just sat there. You sat on a picnic table, smoked, smoked camels until the bell rang and then you went home and now we're going to take a quick break. That's how alternative school works. It's an alternative to school, but it's it's just like a Wiener schnitzel is an alternative school. It's it's not school. It's it's an alternative, something else. But it's it's not school at all. Geometry doesn't take the place of school.

40:08 Drew English.

40:09 Adam Go to work. Everyone's got to go to work. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's get back the phone. So I'm.

45:22 Caller By Or though ever. And I was wondering, the week that you're not wearing the patch, do you still have to use condoms?

45:31 Drew No. It's just like the birth control pill.

45:34 Caller So you don't?

45:36 Drew No, not once you've been using it properly, no.

45:40 Adam That's not funny. Okay, baby doll.

45:43 Drew The idea is April, it suppresses the pill, excuse me, it suppresses the egg from being released.

45:49 Adam Mm-hmm.

45:49 Drew So during that week when you're menstruating, there won't be any ovulation that week.

45:53 Adam All right, well that's a good week for everyone. We take a break?

45:56 Drew Yeah.

45:59 Adam Who we talk to when we get back? Scoring boyfriend for four years, ways to spice things up, kind of boring now.

46:06 Drew So there's a guy. I'm not screwing.

46:09 Adam Oh, girlfriend, sorry. Phil up top, married two years and can't stop looking at porn, wants to stop. How can he stop?

46:18 Drew You're gonna give him a piece of your mind, I bet.

46:19 Adam Yeah, he's calling from Utah. So I don't know if they allowed porn there, but we'll talk to Phil. I'll give him a stop after this.

46:27 Caller Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today. Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline.

46:59 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. It's Dr. Groove on number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Well, Drew, I've just been in the newsroom. I'm collecting some weather, some traffic, some news from around the city and around the countries. We've got a lot of work coming up ahead of us in our lightning round.

47:17 Drew Excellent.

47:18 Adam Yeah, all right, you ready to rock here, Drew? Now, a lot of you don't know what temperature it is outside.

47:25 Drew I don't know.

47:26 Adam Let me explain something though, just very quickly about temperature. There's two things about temperature and this is why I don't get too caught up in it. One, don't need to know what the temperature is. I mean-

47:38 Drew It is what it is.

47:39 Adam I could go out, it could be 69, it could be 64, it could be 71. I might not know. Do you understand? See, let me explain something about modern man. We built cars, they have windows that roll up. We have houses with furnaces in them and air conditioning. Not my parents' house, but other people, I imagine. We can actually control our environment by putting on extra sweater, maybe a sweat jacket, or perhaps even taking one off. See, it works both ways. Let me give you an example. Hot day, go out in a T-shirt.

48:11 Drew Well, by cracky.

48:13 Adam Cool day, you might go out in a sweater. See how that works?

48:16 Drew Fascinating.

48:16 Adam Yeah, so you knowing what the temperature is, not ultra important. Secondly, nothing you can do.

48:24 Drew About the weather.

48:25 Adam Can't affect that.

48:26 Drew That's right.

48:27 Adam Now, there are some American Indians. They can do that. But not the white man. Not the round eye. Let's go to the phones. We'll talk to Phil. Phil?

48:37 Caller Yeah.

48:38 Adam 24?

48:39 Caller Yes.

48:39 Adam What's up?

48:41 Caller Well, I have a question which, first of all, Dr. Drew, I saw you when you came here. I saw you, me and my wife totally enjoyed you. You're very intelligent, Adam. Love you too, man.

48:50 Adam Thanks, buddy.

48:51 Drew Thanks, Phil.

48:51 Adam What's up? Oh, yes, you were married for two years. No, wait a minute. Yeah, can't stop looking at porn.

48:57 Caller Well, tell the truth, I really don't look at a lot of it, but the need and the want is they're like crazy, and for religious reasons, I don't want to, and I've listened to this show long enough to know that, hey, you know, I'm probably asking the impossible, but is there any way to tone down that switch that I have?

49:17 Drew How often do you look at it?

49:19 Caller Um, no, just once every other month, maybe.

49:23 Drew And do you go on, like, a binge, where you look for hours and hours, or just a few minutes?

49:27 Caller No, no, no. I feel bad about it, and then I just stop.

49:31 Drew You pansy! Do you masturbate? Do you masturbate?

49:34 Adam Well, that's how he knows when to stop.

49:37 Caller No, actually, I don't.

49:40 Drew Wow. And so that bothers you?

49:43 Adam Are you Mormon?

49:44 Caller How'd you guess?

49:45 Adam Yeah. What about the whole polygamy thing? Are you into that at all?

49:49 Caller No, no. Can barely handle one.

49:52 Adam Yeah. That's what I say. You know, they always do that. Like, hey, you get to have five fat, toothless, birthing vehicles that have a fourth grade education and that long religious hair. You know that weird religious hair, which is you never cut the back of your hair, but you got to cut your bangs every 20 minutes so you look like a retard? It's the female religious mullet. Like, super long ass. Yes, it is ass-length hair with those weird short bangs.

50:21 Drew Well, it's just something you do with the cutting shears.

50:24 Adam Yeah, I'm picturing them doing it with like a magnifying glass out in the sun or something. And now, so, here's what you got. You got a bunch of fat asses with a fourth grade education who are all fighting over you, and then you got 30 kids. Is this a good life? Good times. Yeah, hey, good times. Good times with the polygamy. Harem, I could get behind. So, harem, you know what I'm saying?

50:47 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

50:48 Adam Yeah, that's a party. Polygamy, that's a nightmare.

50:51 Drew Phil.

50:51 Caller Yes, sir.

50:52 Drew Trying to figure out what's going on here. So, your expectation of yourself is you should never have an impulse to look at this stuff or you should be able to contain the impulses you have?

51:00 Caller Um, no, I know that's just natural. That's humanity. I mean, that's just the way that we're programmed.

51:06 Drew Yeah, someone male, yeah.

51:08 Caller I have a penis. All I'm saying is, is there any way...

51:12 Drew Hold on, Phil, hold on a second. Hold on a second.

51:14 Adam Uh, Phil, uh, did he say he didn't have a penis?

51:18 Drew No, he's got one. It's what he announced it.

51:21 Adam I thought he said no penis.

51:23 Drew No, no.

51:23 Adam He said has penis?

51:25 Drew In reference to being male, has penis.

51:26 Adam Let me check that. Phil?

51:28 Caller Yes.

51:29 Adam Yes, with penis, yes?

51:30 Caller Yes, yes.

51:31 Adam Alright, alright. And scrotum?

51:34 Caller Yes.

51:36 Drew Anything in the scrotum?

51:37 Caller Yes.

51:38 Adam Tessie's in scrotum?

51:39 Caller Yes, yes.

51:40 Adam Left and right?

51:42 Caller Let me check.

51:43 Adam Alright.

51:44 Caller One, two, yes, yes.

51:45 Adam Beautiful. Completed my paperwork. Alright, so Phil, don't be so hard on yourself. You're really knocking yourself around a little too much.

51:56 Drew I want to understand, he understands he's going to have the impulse, he just wants to be able to contain it and never look at pornography. Right, Phil, you want to never look at pornography?

52:05 Caller Yeah, that would be the goal and I think it's achievable, but yeah.

52:10 Drew Yeah, it is.

52:12 Adam Let me tell you something, who's the Mormon guy? John Smith?

52:15 Who is he?

52:17 Adam Joseph Smith. Let me tell you something, if they had the internet back then, those guys would be beating themselves to death. Believe you me, those guys are all high and mighty over there because our elders, our founding fathers, they didn't have porn. They didn't have internet gambling. There's no temptation. There's no liquor stores. They didn't have any of that stuff.

52:38 Drew You understand?

52:40 Adam Listen, they had to beat off to a fat chick and a smock. They had nothing. If those guys had liquor stores, like they have out here with the big 40 ounces and all the pornography and the video games and buying scratchers and lottery tickets and cigarettes and Milky Way bars, none of this religion would have ever got off the ground.

53:03 Drew I think you're making a case to get rid of all that.

53:06 Adam The religion?

53:07 Drew No.

53:08 Adam I'm just saying these guys would have been effing up way more than Phil.

53:12 Drew Yeah, Phil, you're doing pretty good here, buddy. And really, it's really, it's not that you, a 12-step process of therapy. He's fine. I imagine the church, the clergy would have recommendations for things you could do. They have all kinds of ways of sort of modifying your behavior.

53:29 Adam Well, Les, you pick a ridiculous religion, it sets up this criteria that no one could adhere to, and then you fight yourself the whole time.

53:38 Drew Well, he could do it. He could do it. If he really wants to, he could do it. I can't imagine. We have to focus a lot of energy on it.

53:44 Adam You know what this religion is like? It's like a haunchy woman getting a ridiculous small pair of ski pants, like a size 2, and saying, I must fit into these, and then beating herself up constantly because she never gets into them. You're never going to make it in this religion. All it does is tell you to do stuff you don't want to do. You're 24. You've got to do stuff you want to do. Right, Drew? Right. Ann?

54:10 Caller Yeah.

54:10 Adam You're 20?

54:11 Caller Yes.

54:12 Adam What's up?

54:14 Caller First of all, I love you guys. You guys are great.

54:16 Adam Love you, baby.

54:19 Caller I wanted to know if you can get a yeast infection from antibiotics. I've heard that you can get repeat yeast infections, but can you get the first one ever from antibiotics?

54:34 Drew Absolutely. Got to get yourself some over-the-counter cream for that. That will take care of it. Which antibiotic were you on?

54:44 Caller It was a generic of, I think, Keflex.

54:47 Drew Keflex. So that's a penicillin or a cephalosporin type antibiotic. And if you were on those again in the future, you should plan to get yourself some of the yeast medication and prepare for it. Because it will happen again.

54:57 Caller Do what now?

54:58 Drew It's normal. It's normal. Get the yeast medication over-the-counter. And if you need to take a cephalosporin, probably penicillins too, in the future, get yourself some of that yeast medicine and start it up when you start the antibiotic.

55:11 Adam Drew's on his feet, by the way.

55:13 Drew I'm tired.

55:13 Adam Is that why you get up? It's good.

55:15 Drew Also, I took a huge run today. My ache.

55:18 Adam Alright, stop banging the chair around, would you?

55:20 Drew Sorry, I'm sorry.

55:20 Adam I'm going to stand up, too.

55:23 Drew It improves your attitude.

55:25 Adam Yeah, let's get it going. I'm not sure if the mic stays up with me, though. Alright, let's squat down. Alright, I'm up now, baby.

55:33 Drew It's like the mirror next door.

55:35 Adam Yeah, for Christ's sake. We got the bathroom next door to this studio. It's set up, I think it's a handicapped bathroom.

55:45 Drew Oh, it is, definitely. It's got bars all over the place. It's male or female.

55:48 Adam Right.

55:49 Drew It may even say it on the door that it's handicapped.

55:52 Adam It's got like a chin-up bar next to the crapper.

55:55 Drew Men or female wheelchair?

55:56 Adam Oh, yeah, okay. It is the wheelchair. It is the wheelchair crapper in there. And it's got the, that means the light is in the toilet. I mean, the mirror is down around, it's down on the floor. Because handicapped people aren't that rangey, I guess. They don't get that tall or something. Or they're in the wheelchair, whatever it is. But every time I come in there, I have to stare at my chest. Not that I want to, but I have to squat down to look in the mirror. Because I like to check my look. I mean, I know it's radio. Anyone who's worked with me knows I like to check my look. I have a lot of pride in my dress. Anyone who knows me knows that. Is that true? You've never seen me wear this shirt before, have you?

56:35 Drew Not prior to the last 20 times.

56:39 Adam I'm dapper, if I'm anything.

56:41 Drew Which was the last 20 days you've been here.

56:42 Adam Here's the point. I have to squat down and practically take a dump just to see my beautiful mug in that mirror. And then I thought, I guess everyone who does use this bathroom who's able-bodied has to sort of get on their knees to freshen himself up in the mirror. And then I started thinking, how many handicapped employees do we have here? Zero. Yeah. K-Rock, and they've asked me repeatedly not to say this on the air, has a strict unwritten policy about hiring GIMPs, Drew. They will not hire the handicapped. I've heard it's all the way from the top down to the lowest van driver. That is what they do here.

57:19 Drew Glass ceiling for women here, too.

57:21 Adam It's not glass. It's corrugated steel, baby. They don't rise. Producer Anne's been working 20 years, still minimum wage. And she has to punch out when she goes to the bathroom. They have a time clock right there. Anne, when she goes to number...

57:37 Drew She has to reach down for it because it has to be set up for the handicapped.

57:40 Adam Number two, she's got to punch out. Number one, they'll let her go. And this is just recent. She had to earn it. That's called seniority over here. You pull a T-shirt out of the closet, an alarm goes off, and a bunch of guys tackle you. They don't have a lot of money around here. But the point is, is no handicapped people work here. So everyone who does work here, who's not handicapped, has to squat down and blow themselves in order to see themselves in the mirror, which is amusing to see yourself blowing yourself that way. But you have to squat down and look in the mirror for the handicapped people. There's nobody who's handicapped here. And then I start thinking, this is really what life is turning into. This is what I'm worried about.

58:19 Drew This country.

58:20 Adam Yes. Now, I'm not interested in punishing people that are handicapped, but we can't let the person that does not represent anything close to the majority dictate policy to the majority. That's what I'm saying. Here's all I want. If there's ten people in the room and nine of them are one way and one of them is the other, we go the direction of the nine, whatever that is. And if the nine of them are handicapped, then that's the direction we go. See what I'm saying? We've got to have some curbs. They've got to be able to make it around and all that stuff. But we've got to get some handicapped people over here. Radio is the one thing you can do when you're handicapped. Do you know what I'm saying?

58:57 Drew Yeah, we should have more.

59:00 Adam Yeah, do you need legs or like a hindrance when you do radio? You're sitting there, Drew, your knees falling asleep, you're flopping around, you're kicking stuff all the time. Now you're up on your feet because your ass is sore. You could be leaning back in a wheelchair.

59:14 Drew Not feeling anything below my waist.

59:15 Adam Not feeling anything. I could be playing jokes on you by like putting a cigarette out on your thigh. You wouldn't even know it.

59:21 Drew Tie a knot in my catheter.

59:22 Adam Not your catheter, the actual penis.

59:24 Drew Oh, tie a knot in my penis?

59:26 Adam Yeah, that'd be great.

59:27 Drew That'd be cool.

59:27 Adam Use your scrotum like a speed bank. Yeah?

59:32 Drew We'd be laughing like mad.

59:33 Adam Oh, man, that'd be funny. All right, now I'm tired. Let's sit down.

59:36 Drew I agree.

59:39 Adam Whoo, that was good.

59:40 Drew That was tough.

59:41 Adam That was tough.

59:42 Drew That showed commitment.

59:44 Adam Sydney?

59:44 Yes.

59:45 Adam You're 21?

59:46 Caller Yes.

59:48 Adam What's up?

59:48 Drew Here we go.

59:53 Caller Like I've been in a room with a guy and like we go to have sex and I just like I freak out. And I make him stop. Like my heart starts to pound really hard. And like I'll start to breathe really heavy. And I'm like I'll just freeze. And then I'll be like you need to slow down. And I don't know why.

1:00:07 Drew Freeze. Okay. Now it's interesting to use a freeze description because freeze response is a very, very specific response to trauma. When people say under the age of 10 have had an experience of having been rendered powerless or neglected at the hands of important relationships, they tend to develop a tendency to freeze. So, what happened to you?

1:00:31 Caller I can't think of anything that did. And that's why I don't know.

1:00:35 Drew No one ever hit you?

1:00:37 Caller Well, like I was emotionally abused, but like not long ago.

1:00:41 Adam What is that?

1:00:42 Drew Describe what happened.

1:00:43 Caller Well, like when I was a kid, like my mom used to just like tell me how like overweight I was and like she'd yell at me and make jokes and like it got like. Like I got a lot better with myself, but.

1:01:06 Drew Do you have some therapy? No. And I'll tell you what, when you've been emotionally abused like that, you also become a very good sort of victim to other people in your life. Yeah, you attract bad guys and then the real victimization goes on and now you've got a good freeze response.

1:01:23 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

1:01:26 Caller Well, like we're not together anymore. Like it only lasted like a few weeks.

1:01:29 Drew Is he a bad guy? Well. Yeah.

1:01:33 Adam What do you do? You go to college? Yeah. And you're a four-year girl. You're not one of those junior college gals, right?

1:01:42 Drew I always hear it.

1:01:43 Adam I always hear it.

1:01:44 Drew What are you studying? Oh, at University of Arizona? Mm-hmm. What are you studying?

1:01:52 Adam That's crazy.

1:01:53 Drew Well, she was emotionally abused when she said that.

1:01:55 Adam Nurses are all crazy.

1:01:57 Drew They're codependent.

1:01:59 Adam Drew's banged several thousand of them. He can tell you firsthand, crazy. Not enough to get him to quit banging them, but still crazy. Not enough to make him think about stopping, but it's crazy. They're crazy women and men.

1:02:13 Drew Codependent.

1:02:14 Adam Codependent. That's right.

1:02:16 Drew A lot of trauma history amongst them. I had a nursing student somewhere that came up the other day and went, you know, all my peers, they all have trauma histories.

1:02:22 Adam Yeah. All right. So, and then you want to fix. God bless.

1:02:26 Drew So, Sydney, there's a reason that you would have difficulty or intense feelings, freeze reactions in response to real close intimacy. So what we would sort of recommend is you develop a relationship slowly with someone. Don't go for somebody you're super attracted to because that guy is likely to be an abuser. Somebody that's kind of boring but you kind of like, spend a little time with them and build into the closeness. You'll tend to want to sabotage it, run away, feel bored, all kinds of good things. Hang in with it.

1:02:51 Adam Yeah. That's good times. I couldn't do the nurse thing. I would vomit every day.

1:02:58 Drew You, I never thought about this.

1:02:59 Adam People complaining.

1:03:00 Drew There could not be anything further away from you than nurse. If I put you in that role for 10 minutes, you'd kill somebody.

1:03:08 Adam I would, I would eat their food. Number one, I would always change the TV channel.

1:03:12 Drew First thing.

1:03:13 Adam First thing. Yeah. Probably.

1:03:16 Drew Oh my God.

1:03:17 Adam Yeah. I know. Oh, no, it's bad times. Whoa. It's bad times. But the nurses are scary. You go, by the way, crazy nationalities with them nurses too, at least out here. They're almost as bad as pharmacists. Can't figure out what's going on.

1:03:33 Drew I can't wait till you like need an operation or something. You'll be appreciative of nurses. Just because people have pathology that they suffer for, you can benefit from it.

1:03:43 Adam They can help you and be your slaves and change your pants and stuff like that. I just want to keep my underpants. That's all. I want to go to the hospital. I just want my underpants.

1:03:53 Drew Dude, how embarrassing that was.

1:03:54 Adam I just want my goddamn underpants.

1:03:56 Drew There was a crowd around him and he was holding court and yelling about his underpants. He went in for an outpatient procedure.

1:04:02 Adam Outpatient? Hand surgery, for Christ's sake. You got to give me your underpants.

1:04:08 Drew All I hear is I'm walking down the hall and I hear the screaming Adam Carolla about his underpants.

1:04:12 Adam What do you need my underpants for?

1:04:14 Drew Those were the words that came out of his mouth coincidentally.

1:04:17 Adam Listen, here's the other thing too. Okay, let me explain. Let me just explain the underpants thing. I had hand surgery. In order to get the hand surgery, they strap you down to like a six foot sandwich board. Because they don't want you to be working on your hand. They don't want you flailing around. They just take you and they lay out like Christ on the cross. They really do. I remember, that's one thing I remember, hands spread out wide. My palm could not have gotten farther away from my junk.

1:04:46 Drew Farther away from his junk. Did you see? Adam cannot talk about his hand and his junk without making the masturbation movement.

1:04:55 Adam Alright. Don't mock, Drew. You understand a very dangerous surgery? That came through? So here's the point. Here's the problem, because when you're done with the surgery, they give you a gown when you're in the hospital. And the gown, of course, ties in the back in some freakish way, like the bathrobe, the sweat suit. They've all been around for thousands of years. The hospital gown, no improvements there. No Velcro, no zippers, no nothing. Just a weird sort of unisex, papery gown that ties in the back with two weird sewn-in pieces of cloth string that no one can figure out. You're high as a kite, okay? You just got knocked out for two hours. I got a cast on my hand that's novelty size. I mean, I got a club for a hand. Now I'm walking around. I got one hand that works. I'm high as a kite on drugs. My ass is hanging out. My sack's everywhere. I can't get the thing tightened up. There's a lot of hopping up on tables and shifting from gurneys into wheelchairs. Sack everywhere. Sack all over the goddamn hospital. But no underpants. It's important that the entire cast and crew need to see your sack.

1:06:12 Drew They're still laughing about it, by the way.

1:06:13 Adam Yeah, and I said...

1:06:14 Drew Not that you couldn't have had your underpants.

1:06:16 Adam Give me a worst-case scenario for me keeping one shred of my dignity in my underpants. You know, the guy said... The guy said, Well, there could be some nylon in those, and those could catch on fire. I said, Really? Is that a big problem? I've been doing pretty good so far. Couple of underpants flare-ups over the years, but not a big problem. I mean, you know, one time when I was jogging, they burst into flames. And then, of course, another time I took a nap, I think it was during the summer, and they spontaneously combusted. Other than two or three times. And then my grandfather went that way. Underpants burst into flames.

1:06:55 Drew There was a reflection out the window.

1:06:56 Adam Yeah, does this happen where underpants burst into flames? The guy's like, well, we got you hooked up to some electrical stuff that could cause it. I said, okay, where do I sign? Where is it? Where's my piece of paper? Everyone's worried about getting sued for everything. Everyone needs everyone's underpants. You can't go in there. No, you can't carry the bottle. No, you got to put the glass. No, we got to dump that. No, we got to dump that in. No, you can't take it outside. What about a waiver? How about a dignity waiver? How about some sort of universal waiver that I can just sign that says, look, I want to keep my goddamn underpants. I want to be able to carry an alcoholic beverage outside of the door of the bowling alley to blow a butt and then go back in. I'll tell you what, if I chuck it at somebody or I smash a cop with it or I perform a hate crime with it, then I sign my waiver. You've impunity. You've no copability at all for this. Underpants go up in a blaze. Nope, can't sue the hospital. I've signed my dignity waiver. Where is that waiver? Why not a choice? That's all I'm saying. What I'm saying is, is if I wake up with just a smoking smoldering patch where my pubes used to be, I can't sue because I've signed the underpants waiver.

1:08:12 Drew Maybe we need to have like a parallel society where you can enter if you agree, I will not sue anybody for anything under any circumstance, and we can have a reality.

1:08:21 Adam You know what that society is called? It's called Europe. In Europe, you get a bottle of beer, you get to keep the bottle. When you walk outside of the venue or whatever, you don't have to dump it into a Dixie cup, like some kind of retard. It's like, hey, you can't be trusted with that bottle. Jesus Christ, what is going on with this crappy society? You pussy attorneys, taking the blood out of this society. You pussies. You should just kill yourselves, you crappy pencil-pushing attorney F'ers. Killing me. I swear to Christ. We had the man show wrap party. We had a bowling alley. It was 100 feet from the boulevard. Had a few cocktails and went out to blow a butt about midnight. The guy was like, what's in the cup? I'm like, water. It's like, it looks like a drink. Yeah, I'm just going to sit here on this bench and smoke a cigarette right outside the door. You got to leave the cup inside. Listen, pal, it's my party. I can't sit next to the door on the bench, have my cocktail and blow a cigarette. Now you got to put the cups got to go inside. Really? What am I? Ninth grade? Tenth grade? I got to take the cup and set it on the floor inside the thing and then step four feet out the door to smoke the cigarette. Yeah, you can't have the cup outside.

1:09:47 Drew I think how minor that is.

1:09:49 Adam What's going on?

1:09:50 Drew Major things.

1:09:51 Adam All right. But here's what I want. Here's the pact I want. I want everyone just to sign this waiver. I will not participate in a frivolous lawsuit. My underpants catch on fire. I spill some alcohol on somebody outside, four feet outside. Just stop, because we don't realize what's going on.

1:10:10 Drew We're adults. What if you relinquish the right to sue altogether? You could enter into a utopia. A truly free society.

1:10:18 Adam 38-year-old man trying to enjoy his rap party for his multimillion-dollar TV show in the last season. I got some $4 an hour jackass and a windbreaker telling me I got to set the cup inside, put it on the ground. What's going on? Does anyone else see this? Does anyone else feel this? What about a revolt? What about people just standing up going, screw you? ABC had their annual lecture on what's appropriate, what's inappropriate. Sexual harassment meeting. I'm not going to this. Everyone had to stop work. 200 people had to go into a room and then sit there and watch some idiot who never got laid explain to you what's inappropriate. We know what's appropriate, what's inappropriate. Don't worry about it. Someone gets out of line that they're told to stop and then they get fired. That's it. We have to stop everything and have a goddamn meeting and watch an effing film strip on everything. Handing you literature. Here, take this home. Learn how not to rape on the workplace. Jesus F. It's enough. Everyone just stand up. Next time you have a sexual harassment meeting, a mandatory, don't go. F you. I'm going to work. I'm an adult. You can figure out not to finger bang anyone in an elevator at work. All right? Do that in a parking lot. It's my business. You know what I'm saying? When are we going to stand up? When are people just going to F you? Next time your company has a sexual harassment awareness meeting, don't go. Nobody go. You sit at your desk and you go, listen, here's the deal. You want to use attorneys? I'll show you attorneys. You cannot fire me for doing something that I didn't do. I sexually harass somebody, then you fire me. No, you get fired for not going to the meeting. Adults, Drew, adults, give me your underpants. Don't finger bang any employees. Take that beer, pour it into a Dixie cup. No going out. Are we going to get our dignity back? Are we going to step up? Are we going to stand up? Are we going to just roll over like pussies? All right, Drew.

1:12:27 Drew I'm with you.

1:12:28 Adam Let's go to the bathroom.

1:12:31 Caller If you need help, hang up and then dial...

1:12:36 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:12:40 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom.

1:12:43 Caller The most trusted for over 80 years.

1:13:05 Adam Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Eric Balfour is going to be here tomorrow night from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's just called Texas Chainsaw, but I'm guessing there's a massacre in there. It must be-

1:13:26 Drew Dave's on career? Must be. Harlan Williams.

1:13:30 Adam It sounds like, I think it's going to be Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, maybe 4.

1:13:35 Caller It's a remake of the original.

1:13:36 Adam It's a remake of the original. Does that still make it 3? They had the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and then they had Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and I'm not sure if there's 3, and then it's a remake of the first one, which still has got to be still 4. But it says based on a true event or something like that, which is, here's what I think, Drew. I think that if you make a movie and 20 years goes by and you remake it.

1:14:04 Drew That's the event.

1:14:05 Adam That's the event. It was true that we made a movie about this in 1979.

1:14:10 Drew Based on a real event.

1:14:11 Adam But by the way, that Texas Chainsaw Massacre was supposed to be one of the hairiest movies ever. I remember.

1:14:17 Drew Really? Yeah.

1:14:18 Adam You're a little bit old. When I was like in the ninth grade when it came out, I was like, oh, man. No, no. If you see that. No, my cousin died watching it. They have nurses stationed at the aisles. Like you could die. You could die. You could. It's like, you know, when you have a dream that you die.

1:14:33 Drew You'd really die.

1:14:33 Adam You do die.

1:14:34 Drew That's why you never have that dream. Unless you die.

1:14:37 Adam Well, they have documentation. But you've seen it. Drew, you're a doctor. You've seen on the death certificate cause of death. Trempt of death.

1:14:44 Drew Of course.

1:14:45 Adam Right?

1:14:45 Drew I write it all the time.

1:14:48 Adam That secondhand smoke, two huge killers. Huge killers. All right. Wait a minute. I got to say one more thing.

1:14:56 Drew I was going to say something about Spanish Fly and I just remember that scene from Winnie City Heat. Yeah.

1:15:01 Adam Yeah.

1:15:02 Drew Winnie City Heat.

1:15:03 Adam Oh, yeah. That's the name of the movie.

1:15:04 Drew He has a big Spanish Fly packets.

1:15:08 Adam It's a very important film. One of the most important films of our time. You know, I was watching one of these anti-tobacco spots that they run now and paid for by the tobacco companies, ironically. And they always do this thing where they go, sponsored by the truth. And they do it in writing. They do it. It's something like that. And then I thought, really, sponsored by the truth. 55,000 Americans die of second hand smoke each year. Really? You got some paperwork? You can pack that up? Really? The truth. Where's the data? You ever see any data, Drew? Drew, you did read something in the New England Journal of Medicine.

1:15:48 Drew The Annals. I brought that one in.

1:15:49 Adam Yeah. How many people?

1:15:50 Drew Five.

1:15:51 Adam Oh, five? You must mean 50,000. Oh, five?

1:15:55 Drew Yeah, five proven, yes.

1:15:56 Adam Five proven? Sponsored by the truth, huh? All righty. Well, they're only off by 54,000 people and change, Drew. It's not bad. It's a little slick. They just put the decimal in the wrong place. That's all. Sean?

1:16:11 Yes.

1:16:12 Adam You're 21?

1:16:12 Caller Yes. Oh, God.

1:16:15 Adam Those anti-smoking pussies. These are the same people who make us have the sexual harassment meetings. The same band of Birkenstock pussies.

1:16:22 Caller It's not me. I'm with you.

1:16:24 Adam What's up, buddy?

1:16:25 Caller Okay. I had this girlfriend from before that was getting into anal sex. And she was okay with me and then after a while she actually kind of liked it when I did ejaculate in her.

1:16:41 Adam In that area.

1:16:42 Caller Okay. That's what I was curious about because the next, my current girlfriend, we haven't done it successfully yet but she wants me to ejaculate in her so I'm curious, is that?

1:16:52 Adam In the rectal area?

1:16:54 Caller Yeah.

1:16:55 Adam Oh, that is bad times.

1:16:56 Drew I'm just curious if it's what?

1:16:58 Caller Is that a bad, I mean, is that, can that cause any damage, is that a bad idea?

1:17:02 Drew If you had an infectious disease, it's a bad idea, that's a way to transmit it.

1:17:06 Adam And if she farts, it can make a bubble. Break off and flow it off and you pop it in your finger. Big jizz fart bubble.

1:17:16 Caller Yeah, but is that bad or?

1:17:18 Adam I think it would be funny.

1:17:20 Caller No, I know, but I mean, I claim good.

1:17:23 Drew The bad is from the local trauma, what you do to the sphincter and the, you know, you can. Yeah, you can traumatize the sphincter. I'm overcome with the fact that that woman that sits on, Del Lea sits on TV and talks about sex.

1:17:36 Caller She-

1:17:37 Adam Who is that lady?

1:17:38 Drew I don't know, but she was talking about women getting rectovaginal fistulas from anal sex, which is so rare, so unheard of.

1:17:44 Adam Really?

1:17:45 Drew Really caused by a perineal abscess that erodes through into the vagina. And then I heard-

1:17:49 Adam What channel is she on?

1:17:50 Drew It's like HBO or something. I don't know. Oxygen, maybe. And then she goes- She was talking- Somebody wrote a letter. Hey, can women transmit AIDS to her child? I'll have a look into that. Like, really? You don't know the-

1:18:01 Adam She's Dr. Drew.

1:18:02 Caller Is that the old lady?

1:18:03 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:18:04 Caller Yeah.

1:18:04 Adam I tell you, there's nothing more grotesque than old women that insist on talking about sex. Especially- That's a little weird. The grandma does this. They wear the big beads.

1:18:13 Caller She has a phallic thing, and she shows people what to do with it. It's funny.

1:18:18 Adam Listen, I was throwing out once in a while, I clean my garage out. Every time we- on this show, we have people that come on the show all the time. And it's like great sex for life with your mates, big book, and all this, you know, how to have a five-hour orgasm and all this nonsense. Always buy some funky-looking person you'd never want to have, you know? Anyway, it always goes- here's what happens. I never leave it in the studio because I would feel bad throwing it in the garbage while the guest was here. And I always end up carrying it out and throwing it in my car and then it floats around my car and then I clean out my car and throw it in my garage. I never bring it in my house. And then once a year, I either throw it away or I give it to all the Mexicans who work on my house. Which is always bizarre. It's like- I'm giving some guidance-

1:19:04 Drew Who wants Ron Jeremy's penis?

1:19:05 Adam I just make a look at English and give them a thing about a four-hour orgasm. They must think I'm insane. But the point is, I have a big pile of these things, I just toss them in the garbage. Really? Does anyone really sit down and read this junk?

1:19:17 Drew I hope not.

1:19:18 Adam Really? Okay. We have these people on the show because they're always crackpots and they're good to talk to.

1:19:24 Drew But does anyone- You push my buttons now because now I'm sort of fighting people's reading habits. I want them to read a book I've written I think is substantial and the reading just asks.

1:19:35 Adam Do you ever just sit down and listen to some old bag with those big novelty Wilma Flintstone beads and the clamp-on earrings? They're always into some sort of weird American Indian crap. It's all that Southwest stuff. They got a turquoise brooch on and they're telling you about how the anus is an erogenous zone. Does anyone ever listen to this? Do you get turned on? They say, hey, this is a nice tip. Bring this into my bedroom. I'm reading the books. Even those videos. Does anyone look at this? I understand beating off to it. You know what I mean? No, that's my point. She's no good for that. Maybe those erogenous... Some guys can pass that off as non-porn porn.

1:20:21 Drew Like Phil who's worried about religious reasons.

1:20:26 Adam You get the Cindy Crawford yoga video and you just spank yourself to that. Meanwhile, when the cleaning lady comes by, she just thinks you're involved. Look at him. He's doing yoga. Right? All right. That's good times. All right. What was Sean's deal? It's good times? Ivan?

1:20:46 Yeah.

1:20:47 Adam What's up? You're 21.

1:20:49 Caller Yeah. How's it going, guys? I'm a big fan.

1:20:52 Adam Good. Got a big lightning round coming up. It's going to be exciting for you.

1:20:58 Caller Yeah. I was just calling to ask you guys about my wife. Ever since she had a kid, every time we try to have sex, it's really hard for her to get wet.

1:21:11 Drew Is she on birth control pills since she had a kid?

1:21:14 Caller Yeah, she is now, but at first she wasn't, and I really haven't noticed the difference from then and now.

1:21:21 Drew Do you know what pill she's on? Alright. And no other medication?

1:21:29 Caller No.

1:21:30 Drew Has she seen the gynecologist to talk about this problem?

1:21:34 Caller Yeah, she never mentioned it to them.

1:21:37 Drew Did she never mention it to them?

1:21:39 Caller No, she never mentioned it to them. She tells me that she thinks it's normal and doesn't want to say anything to her doctor.

1:21:46 Drew There can definitely be changes after pregnancy. Changes in sexual arousal, changes in orgasm function, changes in lubrication. And it may be something that's just natural, but it may be something they can do something about. And certainly there are lubricants they can use to overcome that.

1:22:03 Adam Yeah, water soluble lubricants. Alright, what's up, Drew? You got something? Want to talk to line five here? Jeremy? Yeah. You're 25?

1:22:14 Caller Yeah.

1:22:15 Adam Your girlfriend has gas?

1:22:16 Caller Yeah, I wanted to ask Dr. Drew about that, man. It's like this girl, you know, I started dating her and this girl has like extremely, extremely bad gas. And I'm like wondering what the hell is the deal with it, man? You know, she does it in public and it's like, I don't know, man.

1:22:34 Drew But Jeremy, there's no question here.

1:22:37 Adam He's full of crap. Alright, we'll see you in hell, Jeremy. Let me tell you something. Jeremy's a jerk off guy name too.

1:22:45 Drew Yeah.

1:22:47 Adam Jerry, not so bad. Jeremy, jack off. What is that? Jeremy, is it because it rhymes with jack off? I'm trying to think of the names of the guys I can't hang around with. I think Jeremy's up there. Jeremy McGrath, though.

1:23:00 Drew No, he's fine.

1:23:01 Adam I like him.

1:23:02 Drew Probably would have been a jack off if he weren't a pro.

1:23:04 Adam If he didn't get into Supercross. By the way, that's Supercross coming up.

1:23:08 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:23:08 Adam I gotta check into that. It's the Super Bowl of Motocross coming up. Oh, yeah. I like that. Get my white trash on. Adriana?

1:23:17 Caller Yeah?

1:23:18 Adam You're 20?

1:23:18 Caller Uh-huh.

1:23:21 Adam We gotta gamble. Yeah. I don't have my wallet on me, Drew. Gentlemen's bet. All right. I have a... I'm looking at a question. Chance of praying to see... Okay, nothing. I mean, it doesn't have to do with what we're gonna gamble on. Just good old fashioned sexual abuse.

1:23:37 Drew I'll get the good old fashioned neglect. Like, Romanian orphan neglect.

1:23:41 Adam Romanian orphan neglect. Adriana?

1:23:45 Drew Yeah?

1:23:46 Adam Oh. What?

1:23:48 Caller Neither of those.

1:23:49 Drew Wait, somebody else took the phone now.

1:23:51 Adam Your voice completely changed.

1:23:53 Caller Did it?

1:23:55 Drew Well, a little bit.

1:23:55 Adam Well, now it went back a little bit. Had everything good on the home front?

1:23:59 Caller Yeah.

1:24:00 Adam Parents together?

1:24:03 Caller Well, yeah, kinda.

1:24:05 Caller My real dad left when I was three, but... Did he say three?

1:24:10 Adam I don't know if we said three, but she sounded three. Why did your real dad leave?

1:24:16 Caller They just got divorced.

1:24:17 Drew Why?

1:24:17 Caller They had me when they were young.

1:24:18 Adam Did he just abandon the family?

1:24:20 Caller He didn't really leave. My mom, I don't know, it just didn't work out, so she got a divorce.

1:24:26 Drew Well, what happened in those three years?

1:24:28 Caller I'm not sure exactly. They had me when my mom was a senior in high school, and then...

1:24:37 Adam Did you ever know? Did you know your biological dad?

1:24:40 Caller Yeah, I still do.

1:24:44 Adam When did you lose your virginity? No sexual abuse? No physical abuse?

1:24:50 Caller Nope.

1:24:51 Adam Well, good times. You want to know, does your chance of pregnancy go down the longer you're on birth control?

1:24:59 Caller Yeah. I've been on birth control since I was 16 and my current boyfriend and I use condoms.

1:25:06 Adam Use condoms.

1:25:07 Drew You're fine. Your pregnancy risk remains the same.

1:25:12 Adam Really?

1:25:12 Drew As if you've never used birth control.

1:25:13 Adam And then once you get off after a certain period, that's it.

1:25:15 Drew It's all back to normal.

1:25:17 Adam Ten years, ten minutes, all the same.

1:25:19 Drew Ten minutes might take a little less time to restore normal cycling, but it's all good.

1:25:24 Adam We got to take a break because we got the big lightning round coming up.

1:25:27 Drew Yeah, right now.

1:25:28 Adam You know that lightning round works?

1:25:30 Drew No.

1:25:30 Adam It's fast and furious, brother.

1:25:33 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:25:34 Adam Yeah. I could tell you how it works, but it'd have to kill you. Get ready, baby. This is going to be good radio, real radio. We don't do a lot of real radio on this show.

1:25:46 Drew No.

1:25:47 Adam You know what I mean? We sit here and gab. We talk about stuff. I go off on tangents. You complain about other doctors, but this is going to be real radio.

1:25:54 Caller All right?

1:25:55 Adam So buckle in. All that after this.

1:26:01 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:26:51 Adam Hey, Drew, you know what this guy's doing?

1:27:27 Drew He'll do it. Yeah, I know he'll do it.

1:27:28 Adam I've seen him. You see me drop down. Let's check the time real fast. 8.45. That's a big 15 minutes away from the top of the hour straight up. Of course, top of the hour, news and weather and traffic coming up. Remind you of traffic. Let's do traffic now to get that out of the way. The El Toro Y. Singular to El Toro Y. 91 slow and go. Look out for brake lights on the 405. 110. Check that Bobcat over there. Mattress and lights on the 605. On the four level debris in the number three line. Let's check the weather real fast here, Dr. Drew, before we get back in the red line. Carson checking in 63. Corona Del Mar, 63 degrees. Banning checking in 63. Wapping, 63 degrees. And Altadena. Norco, 63. Chula Vista, 63. Chatsworth, 63.

1:28:08 Caller Ontario, 63 degrees.

1:28:10 Adam Panaroma, 63. El Cajon, 63 degrees. Whittier, 63 degrees. And Gardena coming in at the big 63 degrees. That's the weather. Let's get back to traffic. We got news coming up top of the hour. I'll tell you, it's 810 right now. It's 10 minutes away from the top of the hour. 10 minutes to nine o'clock straight up.

1:28:25 Drew Ace, let's take some calls.

1:28:26 Adam I'll tell you what we'll do at the top of the hour.

1:28:27 Drew We've got calls lined up.

1:28:28 Adam At the top of the hour, we've got weather and traffic coming up. Traffic, news and weather coming up. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. L-T-R-Y, sing alert on the L-T-R-Y. 91, slow and go, 405. Look out for brake lights. All right, ready to hop the phone? Or should I drop Drow?

1:28:43 Drew I'll drop Drow.

1:28:44 Adam Shh, shh, shh.

1:28:44 Drew I'll drop Drow.

1:28:45 Adam Don't make me drop Drow. Anyone who listens to the show, don't drop Drow. I will drop Drow.

1:28:49 Caller I will drop Drow.

1:28:51 Adam No. Carson coming in at 63, Corona Del Mar 63, Panic 63, Altadena Chili 63, Norco 63, Chula Vista 63, Chatsworth 63, Ontario 63, Panic 63, El Cajon 63 degrees. When you're checking in at 63, Gardena coming in at a big 63 degrees. El Toro Y, look out singular. I'll drop Drow. I will drop Drow. Don't make me drop Drow.

1:29:15 Drew You know I'll drop Drow.

1:29:19 Adam Let's hop the phones real fast. We get some weather traffic in there coming to the top of the hour.

1:29:22 Drew It's five minutes, nine o'clock.

1:29:24 Adam It's five minutes away from the top of the hour. Straight up. Let's talk to Mike. Mike, you're 16 years old. You know, when I hear 16, anything with a 16 reminds me of numbers. Numbers remind me of what? 63 coming in Carson. Corona checking in 63. Banning coming in 63 degrees. Altitude 63. North Coast 63. Trillium 63. Cheshire 63. Ontario 63. Patarsky 63. Elk Island 63. Winter 63. U 63. B 63. The world 63 degrees. Mike, coming in with Jeff. What's going on? Hey, Mike, we got to speak fast, buddy. I got to squeeze some traffic in around this conversation. And again, news coming up the top of the hour along with weather. What's up there, Mike?

1:29:59 Caller Hold on a second, Mike.

1:30:01 Adam Got to break away from weather. Corona checking in 63. Carson 63 degrees. Banning 63 degrees. Tammy, stage five. Tammy, stage five. Altenina 63 degrees. Narco 63 degrees. Businessman's lunch. Asians eat free at the buffet. Chula Vista 63 degrees. Chatua 63 degrees. Alcohol.

1:30:20 Caller Whittier. Chard Garden Grove.

1:30:22 Adam Chula Vista. All 63 degrees. Mike, what's up there, buddy? They got to check in with weather and traffic coming up the top of the hour.

1:30:30 Caller Orgy!

1:30:30 Caller Fight with three other guys, me and her.

1:30:34 Adam I'll tell you what I would do if I were you, I would drop Drow.

1:30:37 Caller I would drop Drow.

1:30:38 Adam Sherry, stage four. Well, that's Loveline. I want to thank you all for listening. And say, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew.

1:33:51 Drew Don't drop Drow, dude. Don't do it.

1:33:52 Adam I'll do it.

1:33:53 Drew Don't do it.

1:33:53 Adam I'm saying, Mahalo. I'm sorry, babe, we're out of time.

1:34:05 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Andy Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2003