Episode 1000576294890

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:58 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:04 Voiceover That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. And we'd like to welcome back to the show Kelly Osbourne. Kelly, good to see you, Kelly.

1:18 Drew It's good to see you too.

1:19 Adam Kelly is, I've noticed the maturity about Kelly that seems seems to become very becoming. Yes. Yes. It fits you well.

1:32 Drew Thank you.

1:33 Adam Yes. And also, her ass has gotten smaller and her rack has gotten bigger. And I don't mean that with any disrespect. I mean, I mean that in a good way. But I mean, that's, that's because I'm growing up as a fantastic.

1:45 Drew It's very weird.

1:46 Adam It's a good direction to head.

1:48 Drew It's only happened in the past like three months.

1:50 Adam Really?

1:50 Drew I went from having like an A B boob to having like a CD boob. And it's very weird. And everyone keeps asking if I've gone on the pill.

1:58 Adam And I'm like, no, no, it's it's a heaving bosom now, which is which is nice. The new CD is called Changes. It is out. It kind of has a Warhol vibe to the front of it. Is that am I right when I say that? Yeah, it's kind of did David Bowie inspire you at all?

2:19 Drew No, I'm a big Warhol fan.

2:21 Adam Oh, you're a big Warhol fan.

2:22 Drew Yeah.

2:23 Adam And what the hell happened? Or when did he die? He's one of these guys where he can't figure out if he died four years ago or 14 years ago.

2:32 Drew He died. Yeah. A year after I was.

2:36 That is interesting. I would have said four years ago.

2:40 Adam I would have said eight years.

2:43 Maybe.

2:43 Adam Yeah, I would have never said coming on 20 years ago. Well, his legend endures. Kelly's going to embark on a European tour starting pretty soon. Yeah. How do you feel about that?

2:57 Drew It's very hard for me to go to Europe because it's so far away. And I'm one of these people that just hates being by myself. And when you're alone in the country that doesn't speak English and you're in such a different time frame. So when I wake up, everyone else that I speak to is asleep. So I have no one to talk to. I can't talk to people from there because they don't speak English. And I'm stuck in a hotel room.

3:20 Adam What can you bring people with you?

3:22 Drew Well, for example, I wanted to bring my best friend with me in the summer, but it is like the most expensive thing. It costs so much money to take someone with you on tour.

3:34 Adam Yeah, splurge a little. I put them to work, get them a roadie or something.

3:39 Drew I know my best friend usually comes with me wherever I go, but she's on tour with another band right now, so she can't come.

3:44 Adam I was thinking about Kelly saying how she, you know, when you get old, as you get older, by the way, you get more and more OK with being alone. And then eventually you learn to hate other people and then they hate you.

3:56 Drew I think that's true, but it's like...

3:58 Adam At 19, it's hard.

3:59 I couldn't stand being alone when I was 19.

4:01 Drew And you're like, you can't watch TV because I think this on the TV is in a different language and you can't make anything of it.

4:09 Adam Yeah, I don't I don't mean even for those small percentage of our listeners who are not going to embark on a European tour, who are 17, 18, 19, early 20s. I just remember being that age and could not be alone. Right. It would freak me out. Once in a while, a Friday night would roll along where no plans were laid. Bad time to be like 1045 and you just start frantically picking up the phone. What are we doing? What will come over here?

4:33 Drew See, that's not the type of thing I got.

4:34 Adam You know, not that way.

4:36 Drew That no, that doesn't bug me.

4:37 Adam It doesn't.

4:38 Drew No, because like I have like in America, I have like three other close friends.

4:45 Adam Can you spend a weekend alone?

4:47 Drew I can. Yeah.

4:48 Adam You don't mind that?

4:49 Drew No, because I'll just sleep and that doesn't bug me. But knowing that knowing that I can pick up the phone is going to meet up with them is fine. But knowing that you can't kills me.

4:58 Adam And how's how's mom and dad doing?

5:01 Drew They're really, really, really good.

5:02 Adam Mom's show's doing good.

5:04 Drew Mom loves her show.

5:05 Adam And so they did a did you see Saturday Night Live last week?

5:10 Drew She was told me about it. And she told me that she'd laughed so hard she peed herself.

5:13 Adam Oh, that's good. That's good. It wasn't really wasn't really bad, but they did a send up on on the show and it was funny. All right. Well, good. Everything's good. We'll hear something off the CD, actually. We'll hear a few things off of the CD and we'll take to the phones.

5:30 Kelly Osbourne Let's talk to you about the Ritter thing you just saw.

5:33 Adam Oh, yeah. I'm wearing a suit. I just was at the John Ritter.

5:36 Drew Smart.

5:37 Adam Thank you. Wait till I start making my fart jokes.

5:40 Kelly Osbourne He actually looks like the Undertaker.

5:42 Adam Yes. Thank you. That is horrible taste. I was at the John Ritter Memorial tonight who John Ritter and I were not best friends, but we did do a pilot together in Florida of some years ago that I completely forgot about, and flew out there with him and spent a lot of time with him, and then just talked to him every once in a while, ever since then. But a great, great spirit and a great warm guy. And I sat there and I thought everyone just got up there just person after person and said that John made people feel good about themselves, and he was such an engaging spirit. And he really had this way of making you feel like you were the star whenever he spoke to you and all this. And I thought, I'm going to change my ways.

6:27 Kelly Osbourne Oh, my God.

6:28 Adam Seconds later, I was in my car riding the horn, yelling obscenities at some guy who was in front of me. But I thought it would last for like nine minutes.

6:37 Kelly Osbourne I'm sort of surprised. It's a breakthrough.

6:39 Adam Yeah. Well, John Rayder, behavioral change. But I'll tell you, just just, you know, you know, there's a lot of celebrities and everyone's whenever somebody dies, someone says nice things about him. But actually, here's how you know a guy.

6:51 Drew Because I'm not exactly going to go to a funeral and be like, oh, I'm glad this guy's daddy sucked.

6:55 Adam Right. Right. Even if you're the world's worst guy, they'll do this. This is and this is how you know the guy was the world's worst guy. They'll go like, well, you know, Drew's Drew and I'm me and John was John. I'll tell you that he was John. But there was another side to him that people didn't know. Like, anytime everyone keeps hitting that, there was a side to him that people didn't know. That meant the side that we did know was an a-hole.

7:19 Kelly Osbourne Right.

7:19 Adam But Ritter was the real McCoy with that. I mean, everybody kissed his ass. Obviously, it's his memorial. But it was all the same tune. Just the warmest, friendliest, nicest guy in the world.

7:31 Kelly Osbourne I'm sure everyone in the audience felt precisely the same way, which is what...

7:34 Adam Yes. Yes. And look at me. I'm not a big fan of everybody. Great guy. Natalie? You're 20? What's up?

7:44 Caller Before I start, I have to tell Adam, I absolutely adore you. You're a genius.

7:52 Adam Whatever. Thanks, Natalie. Now, what's up?

7:55 Caller No, seriously, I love the sarcasm.

7:57 Adam Thank you.

7:59 Drew You just wait till it's directed at you, and I don't think you'll love it so much.

8:03 Caller No, I know. I'm prepared. I embrace myself. Here we go. Good evening, Kelly.

8:09 Drew Good evening to you too.

8:11 Caller I don't have cable, but my cousin loves the show.

8:15 Drew Oh, really?

8:15 Caller She goes to the office every year. She has posters all over her room. When I tell her that I said hi to you, she's going to be so jealous.

8:23 Kelly Osbourne 20-year-old without cable. I didn't know that existed in nature.

8:26 Adam Yeah, not in the United States. Don't we have government programs for people who don't have cable?

8:32 Kelly Osbourne You have satellite.

8:35 Drew I'm too lazy to get it yet. It's not that I care about paying for it or not.

8:39 Kelly Osbourne Natalie, what's your question?

8:40 Caller My question is, I'm calling regarding something that you guys had said, I believe it was last week about how some people say rape is a violent crime and not a sexual crime.

8:52 Adam Yes, most people do. Well, it's become the common wisdom for the politically correct, the failing politically correct wisdom.

9:01 Caller I had, I took a sociology slash psychology class in high school and that's what our teacher said, that it was a violent crime and not a sexual crime. But the point I wanted to make is that I read an article that had some statistics that said rape, the incidence of rape is higher between June and August than any other time during the year. If you look at what people wear during those periods, I mean, it's summer, they're not wearing very much.

9:31 Kelly Osbourne Well, did you hear Adam? Did you hear Adam?

9:32 Adam Well, it's raping season.

9:33 Drew But there's a difference, I mean, if you cannot wear a lot, but you're still covering up parts of your body that needs to be covered up, it's different if you walk around with half your butt hanging out and like a quarter of a nipple and that will work.

9:48 Adam Yeah, if you're dressing like one of the Hilton sisters, that's a different situation. Hey, Natalie, so is this a hypothesis that you're putting together yourself?

9:58 Caller Yeah, it's just an observance also the way people used to dress like in the 50s and 40s. And how much more...

10:07 Kelly Osbourne If your theory were correct, Brazil, Rio de Janeiro should have the highest rape incidence in the world.

10:13 Adam That's right. They all dress like prostitutes over there.

10:17 Drew Do they really in Rio?

10:18 Adam Oh, yeah. Women just wear glitter. That's all they wear over there. They wear pasties and glitter and they like samba.

10:25 Drew But do you want to know, I've been like looking, there are kids that are like eight years old that wear clothes that I would not wear, you know? Like.

10:34 Adam Yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure what you do. I mean, Drew, you got a girl. She's got to be wanting to keep up with the Joneses.

10:41 Drew I met Drew's kids and I didn't get that vibe of them at all.

10:45 Kelly Osbourne True.

10:46 Adam No?

10:46 Kelly Osbourne She likes the craziness on the internet, you know, the I am stuff, but she doesn't like to dress that way.

10:52 Drew See, I just don't get it, like there are kids and they're wearing like tiny, tiny, tiny miniskirts that are like belts and tiny shirts that barely cover what boobs they have. And it's just like, it's gross and I don't understand how, and like platform high shoes, like I don't understand how like parents would let their kids walk out like that because I wouldn't.

11:11 Adam I saw Drew's son wearing just one of those banana hammock thong things. I think he had some side roll up in there. I just, hey, you're the parent, I'm an atheist.

11:20 Kelly Osbourne But tell Kelly your theory about violent versus sexual crime.

11:22 Adam Oh, Drew, I don't want to, I just don't want to get into this. I've just been talking about it enough. But here's the thing, the women, I'm wondering who the women are dressing for. I mean, guys.

11:34 Drew I, being a woman, I dress for myself. I don't dress for anyone else.

11:37 Kelly Osbourne And one another.

11:38 Adam That's right. And one another.

11:39 Drew I don't dress to compete with any other girl because I don't know any other girls that dress like me.

11:45 Adam All right, but.

11:46 Kelly Osbourne But that's a form of competition in and of itself, isn't it?

11:48 Drew I don't think so because I have a very different sense of style to most people that I know. And I don't think about, well, if I wear this, will any other girl have this? Or if I wear this, am I going to look good? I wear what I like and that's it.

12:03 Adam All right, but let's talk about your average 13 year old in America now. Is she dressing to entice men or is she dressing to piss off her dad or is she dressing to compete against women?

12:14 Drew Well, most women or little girls that I see, they dress the way that everyone else dresses so they can get by and not have anyone say, you look stupid in that.

12:24 Kelly Osbourne There is a whole thing about being popular and being cool and all that.

12:26 Drew They dress whatever they can wear.

12:28 Kelly Osbourne There's a social order that they're trying to establish.

12:30 Adam I'm just saying for...

12:31 Drew If with a cool girl wears something, everyone else wears it because they don't want to be that one that people make fun of.

12:36 Adam I'm telling you, guys don't need it. We like it, but we don't need it. We can tell what you look like in sweatpants.

12:43 Kelly Osbourne No, my sons are bewildered by all this stuff. They call it stupid. They go, what? Like, do it.

12:48 Adam Smooth. We'll give them another eight, ten months. They'll be on the internet being bewildered with one hand. Corey? You're 16?

13:00 Drew Sure.

13:04 Adam Corey's going to have to stay on hold for a little while because I don't like his little snot-nose attitude. There's nothing worse than a snotty teen male.

13:11 Drew I hate that when they're like, like when they ask you a question, like, sure, whatever. They're calling to get help. They should at least like shut up and be nice.

13:17 Kelly Osbourne Well, they behave like we called them.

13:20 Adam Yeah. Let's try. Hey, Corey. Corey? Yeah. Sorry we got off on the wrong foot, buddy. I'm going to put him back on hold for a long time. Robin?

13:29 Yeah.

13:30 Adam You're 25?

13:31 Caller Yes, I am.

13:33 Adam What's up?

13:35 Caller Okay, I have a boyfriend that I've been going out with for two years and he, when I met him, I didn't know that his past had been as traumatic as it had been and come to find out through the relationship that he was a heavy drug user for most of his life for about 15 years and he has gotten over that and was two years sober off of heroin and then alcohol was another issue that he had and he's now in a rehab for an incident that me and him had and I guess my question is that he's been in this rehab for six months and he's going to be getting out and we're supposed to start a life and at 25 I need to know if it's possible for somebody to change if he can it is definitely possible but you're unless you're doing a codependency recovery program you're going to pull them back to the old direction unless you go on unless you change substantively to either this relationship will not survive or you will cause him to relapse you can't sit there I mean something that I know because I have given a family where I members of my family are in the program you also have to We have to change, too.

14:54 Drew You can't sit there and talk about the same things that you always talk about and do the same things that you always talk about. You have to change, too. Have you been to therapy with him?

15:04 Caller I go. They have these stupid Tuesday meetings that really don't...

15:08 Drew I don't really think that's stupid. Sounds like it's going to work out. If you want it to work, it's got a lot to do with you, too, because he's made the steps to change his life for the better. You have to also change a little bit, too.

15:23 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, six months is a good crack at, excuse the expression, at doing well. That really gets things off the ground nicely. A structured, intensive program.

15:32 Caller Even though we come from completely opposite sides of the spectrum as far as family, like I have a very close-knit, happy family, and he has a very destructive, broken-apart family.

15:44 Drew That's probably what led him to start doing drugs in the first place.

15:48 Caller Right, no, definitely. I understand that.

15:50 Kelly Osbourne If your family were as healthy as you suggest, you wouldn't be clinging to this, or you wouldn't be so reluctant to change. You have to get a sponsor in Al-Anon, you have to work a program yourself. I'm telling you, if you actually want to help him and you do want to commit yourself to this relationship, it is essential that you do that. Otherwise, then it will not change. He will not change, he will drag him back, or the relationship will not survive.

16:14 Caller I'm not doing the things like I used to do things to appease him because I was afraid of upsetting him.

16:20 Adam All right, listen, hold on. Are you in the program or are you still getting high?

16:30 Caller No, I've never had a problem with any of them.

16:32 Drew You can say you've never had a problem, but that doesn't mean that you're not going to come home drunk or stoned one night when you're with him. And that, to be honest with you, sucks for him to see you like that. I don't like drinking though.

16:45 Caller I don't drink.

16:47 Adam Good. Then then look, would you just get in the program? I mean, not the program for your own recovery, but for his recovery. Just do what Drew told you to do about an hour ago, would you?

16:57 Kelly Osbourne I guarantee you that's what he told me.

16:58 Caller Hey, he's up there.

17:01 Adam Oh, man. Honey, you're nutty. What's up with you? You're baddie. Yes. Yeah, you are. Because here's the other thing. You're trying to work out like guarantees on this relationship. He's from the wrong side of the tracks. You're from a good family. Do we think it's going to work like we have some wheel? We can some slide rule. We can work it all out with. If he's going to stay sober and you're going to aid in his sobriety, then it has a chance to work out.

17:27 Kelly Osbourne I can tell you, having talked to you for four minutes, unless you change, this is not going to work.

17:35 Adam I know. And is it just because she's calling wanting to know what's wrong with him or what is it? What was wrong with her? Because we both felt it. Everyone felt it. Kelly felt it.

17:45 Kelly Osbourne She repeatedly, first of all, she was demeaning his program and was barely willing to participate on a nominal level.

17:51 Drew That's what I think is horrible.

17:53 Kelly Osbourne When you put it on her, any responsibility for the relationship, she's unwilling to take it, it's all about him.

17:58 It's not all about him.

18:00 Drew He's done everything he can to make himself a well person and make sure that the relationship with her works. Now it's up to her to do something. You can't just sit there and blame everything on him because he has the disease.

18:13 Adam I got a feeling once he's...

18:14 Drew That's like saying you just threw up. I don't want to clean it up. Go do it yourself. It's like you're going to help them.

18:19 Adam Once he's sober, he may not like her so much. I'm sober. I don't like her. I need a shot. Kelly and I need a shot to deal with Robin. Let's hear a song from Kelly Osbourne. How about that?

18:31 Kelly Osbourne Perfect.

18:32 Adam This is... What are we playing here?

18:34 Kelly Osbourne Changes.

18:34 Adam Oh, it's written in...

18:36 Kelly Osbourne Pink.

18:36 Adam Highlighter. So the new CD Changes and... Oh, this is a duet with Dad Ozzie, and this is called Changes. Wow, that was nice. Sorry, Drew and I had to argue the entire day.

22:53 Drew But it was all going over nothing. You just argued for the sake of arguing.

22:57 Kelly Osbourne You didn't even want to argue with you.

22:59 Adam The guys do argue for the sake of arguing.

23:01 Drew But that was more old about you. You just wanted to prove your point.

23:04 Adam I did. OK, here's OK. We'll just be very, very quick about it. I love that song sounded great, by the way.

23:11 Drew Thank you.

23:11 Adam Changes, name of the CD, name of the song. OK, I've asked Drew not Drew has been conducting a survey on this show for a year, maybe a little more, and he hands out these survey forms to all the guests. It's two pages. It takes 20 minutes to fill out.

23:28 Drew It does. It takes five minutes.

23:30 Adam You don't know the people come on this show, though. I mean, we got a lot of guys are pretty high and a lot of guys in bands and, you know, rappers, things like that. It takes them. It takes them a little bit. It takes them a little bit to fill it out. It's not something where you go, hey, this is going to take 20 minutes to fill out. But ultimately, if you average the whole thing out of it, take 18 and a half minutes. Most are most are guests. But I say to Drew, Drew, please don't tell them they can't do it on the air because people you were good about. Well, you're smarter, again, than most loveline guests, because they start doing the thing. They get a little bit lost and they're reading the question and filling the thing out. And they're sort of flipping it around and fumbling and sort of they're occupied with the task that Drew's asked them to fill out when there's plenty of time to fill it out during the course of the two hours we're going to be here with the commercial break.

24:15 Drew This is more about you though, it's more because they're not paying attention to you that it bugs you.

24:18 Adam It might sound that way.

24:20 Kelly Osbourne What it is is that he can't accept that other people don't see the world the way he sees it.

24:24 Adam Right.

24:25 Kelly Osbourne The world isn't registering the same way.

24:26 Adam The right way. And that's why I want you to wear these uniforms. No, no, let me finish. Let me finish. So I say to Drew, I said to Drew, this happened a couple of times. I said, Drew, tell make sure you have the people fill out the survey, but make sure and tell them to not do it on the air.

24:43 Just do it during the commercial.

24:44 Drew I would have done it.

24:45 Adam OK. But he would have been off the hook.

24:47 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, I didn't. That's my fault. That was right.

24:49 Adam So I say, Drew, just tell me that. And then it happened five more times over the course of the next two months. And I would get more and more angry and say, Drew, and then we would start coming back from commercial and stuff. And I would see people buried in their homework, as it were. And then I would get angry at Drew by saying, Drew, tell them not to do it.

25:10 Drew And he would say, I would get more angry at the person that's doing it.

25:14 Adam Well, the problem is, is A, they're they're celebrities, B, they're high.

25:18 Drew Who cares if they're celebrities?

25:20 Kelly Osbourne They're getting mad.

25:22 Adam Drew is asking something from them. It's not their fault. It's not part of the criteria of doing the show.

25:27 Kelly Osbourne Not coaching. That's right.

25:29 Adam It happened once again. And then the argument runs deeper than this. But we have to go to break.

25:34 Kelly Osbourne But that's not the problem.

25:35 Adam No, the problem was, the problem was, is we're all going to pee. But the problem was, is Kelly was filling it out during the...

25:44 Drew Hey, but my argument with you is that was I not paying attention and putting my two cents in when someone was asking a question?

25:49 Adam You were present, but it's a percentage thing. You could have had 25 percent of your attention turned to this.

25:56 Drew Even if I had 25 percent, you don't let anyone else speak anyway.

25:59 Adam How dare you? And how? If I don't let anyone else speak, how did you get that phrase out? Aha! You see? How do people know Kelly?

26:09 Drew Because we're having an argument.

26:10 Kelly Osbourne I knew this would bear fruit.

26:12 Adam Speaking of bear... Speaking of bearing fruit, let's go hit the commode. Kelly Osbourne here. Change his name in the CD. I'm gonna continue yelling, Drew, we'll be back after this.

26:21 Hello, this is your radio.

26:35 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, although I wouldn't let him touch me. Kelly Osbourne in studio tonight, who's I think Kelly has a love affair with Drew because of...

26:50 Kelly Osbourne Is it because she's in my defense here?

26:52 Adam Well, Drew, you've been there for the Osbourne family over the months and years. I know Mrs. Osbourne is a big, big fan of yours. Is your mother not a big fan of Dr. Drew?

27:04 Drew She's a big fan of yours, too.

27:06 Adam She's good people. Has she had you on her show yet, Drew?

27:10 Kelly Osbourne I did her second or third pre-show.

27:13 Adam Tess show. Oh, but not good enough. Well, once the B-list guest starts...

27:17 Kelly Osbourne Then I'll get the call...

27:18 Adam .sloughing off, then the phone will start ringing over at Adam and Drew's place. Don't worry. But then once we're on, that's it. It'll be Fridays with Ace and Drew. We're very popular. Kelly's got the CD out changes. We'll hear something else off of that before the night is true. Kelly, are you dating? Are you seeing anybody?

27:37 Drew I'm dating.

27:38 Adam You are?

27:38 Drew Yeah.

27:39 Adam Nobody's special?

27:41 Drew I wouldn't say that.

27:42 Adam He's special.

27:43 Drew Of course. He's anyone who I date's got to be special in some way.

27:46 Adam Sure.

27:47 Drew I'm not the average girl.

27:48 Adam No, no. They got to have that certain je ne sais quoi. Yeah.

27:53 Drew I've had a few.

27:54 Adam Few duds.

27:55 Drew Well, one in particular.

27:56 Adam Yeah.

27:57 Yeah.

27:57 Drew Not too good, but...

28:00 Hey, guys, I dusted off some old tapes.

28:02 Caller Can I play a little like Memory Lane for Kelly?

28:04 Adam Yeah.

28:11 First of all, I just want to say that I love Kelly Osbourne. And second, I want to say that I am in love with Kelly Osbourne.

28:18 Adam Oh, good young love, great, Drew. Burtman smoking a little weed?

28:24 Kelly Osbourne Just a little.

28:27 Drew He hasn't.

28:28 He has that weed in Alabama, man.

28:29 Kelly Osbourne He has that weed laugh. That's what we were clowing into.

28:32 Yeah, I'm in Alabama.

28:34 Adam Yeah, Lord knows you're trying.

28:37 Drew I will say it.

28:37 Adam That's the horrible, hateful Burt, yes?

28:39 Drew Do you know what? I can't honestly say whether I can, he may have loved me, but he's just a person who loves himself way much more.

28:48 Kelly Osbourne Well, he said some things to you that you would never say to someone that you even liked.

28:55 Drew When he broke up with me on Valentine's Day.

28:58 Adam On Valentine's Day?

28:59 Drew I know. He said-

29:00 Adam You want me to have him killed?

29:01 Drew No.

29:02 Adam I'll snap that kid like kindling, I will.

29:06 Drew He said, people don't take me seriously because they date you. My music means more to me than anything.

29:13 Kelly Osbourne He said this about him.

29:14 Drew And all I want to do is rock. And I wanted to laugh when he said that, but it was like in between tears, so I was like, I didn't understand.

29:23 Kelly Osbourne Those weren't the horrible things he said.

29:24 Adam And were you in love when he said that? I mean, at that time?

29:27 Drew He is the only person I've ever been in love with. Oh, that's brutal. But that sucks because I have such a jaded perception of guys now.

29:38 Adam Well, how long ago did this happen? Was this last Valentine's Day?

29:42 Drew About Valentine's Day, yeah.

29:43 Adam In about eight months or so?

29:44 Kelly Osbourne Healthy. Keep that jaded perspective.

29:46 Drew I got like a serious like black heart now.

29:49 But you know what, your parents, your parents are so in love.

29:54 Adam I mean, your parents have been together for so long and they're so in love. I mean, that had to have rubbed off. I mean, it's no better than being a product of a broken family.

30:02 Kelly Osbourne She was expecting that and it got smashed.

30:04 Drew Could you imagine like everything's fine one day and like it's all, oh, I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you and it's like the only person hands on I can truly, truly like I've loved people but I've never been in love before. Like and I really was in love with him and it's still very hard for me to see him. Because he truly, truly, truly broke my heart and really hurt me. It's weird because I mean, everyone has their reasons for what they do. But I think it was more of a, it was more like I'm a kind of hard person to date, you know? But-

30:48 Kelly Osbourne You're blaming yourself?

30:49 Drew No. No, I'm a hard person to date because it's like I'm a celebrity, you know? And also, he's not like a nice person in that way.

30:58 Adam I think that's probably what we should focus on.

31:01 Drew He's not a nice person. He's very selfish. He'd rather have sex with five girls a day and then use them for what he wants and then leave them. Make the effort in having that one person that you call every day. And that's just not the kind of person that he is.

31:18 Kelly Osbourne You may need to learn to figure out who those guys are that are what you're looking for, as opposed to the guys that aren't like that.

31:25 Drew No, I know.

31:26 Kelly Osbourne They aren't the same guy.

31:27 Drew You can't help who you're falling in love with, though. They can show one person to you and then as soon as like you're together, completely change. And that's how it was with him.

31:40 Adam True. And I fell in love with Linda Carter in 1978.

31:43 Kelly Osbourne You never got over that.

31:44 Adam Oh, I'm still not.

31:46 It takes, you know what?

31:48 Drew As much as I sit here and turn and say, like, I'm over it, there's certain things that I am over it, but then why does it hurt every time that I see him?

31:56 Kelly Osbourne He burst the idealized bubble you had of who he was. And one of the reasons we perceive you as more mature is that you're much more connected to reality.

32:04 Drew And could you imagine, like, trying to call someone and be like, I don't understand why you don't want to be with me. And getting no explanation, getting no anything, and then having him avoid you and then never call you and then call you maybe two months later to tell you that he'd slept with a Japanese person in Japan and that he still loved me, he wanted to be my friend, but didn't ever want to talk to me again. And then it was just like weird.

32:30 Adam Like, why do you leave the Japanese person in there?

32:33 Kelly Osbourne He's just he's just abusing.

32:35 Adam All right, Kelly, let me let me float an idea. And I just want you to listen for a second and don't judge and don't rush any conclusions. Drew has two sons. OK, now just listen. They're 11. Yes. And we think of Kelly Osbourne. Well, it's Kelly Osbourne. Kelly Osbourne is only 19 years old. I know.

32:52 Kelly Osbourne They're 19. She'll be only 26, 27. Yeah.

32:57 Adam These are good. First off, look at the stock here. He's good. Look, he's dumb as a stump, but he's a good looking kid. You know what it is? It's like nature and nurture.

33:06 Drew I'm one of those girls that likes like the bad boys, if you know what I mean.

33:11 Adam One of them's bad. I'm going to make it that way.

33:15 Drew I'm not into little boys. I'd rather be someone a lot older than me.

33:19 Adam Someone like myself.

33:20 Drew No, absolutely not.

33:22 Adam Well, listen, I don't know what to do. I've offered me. I've offered Drew sons. That's it. I've scoured the globe.

33:27 Drew I think that I'm too mature for my own good in so many ways that when it goes to the dating department...

33:34 Adam How about a regular guy? How about you?

33:37 Drew I'm dating a regular guy.

33:38 Adam Oh, a regular guy? He's not a record exec?

33:41 Drew No.

33:41 Adam He's just a regular? Is he in the business at all?

33:45 Drew He wrote used for a band Bleeding Through sometimes, but usually he just works at the Paul Frank store in his mall.

33:52 Adam He works at the mall and he's a regular guy. How old is he?

33:56 Drew Twenty one.

33:57 Kelly Osbourne Perfect. That's good.

33:59 Adam Now, is there, but you're 19, you grow up in a lot of chaos. You have a sort of fast paced life. Do you feel that the chaos is missing from this relationship? The intrigue, the edge, the danger? Good.

34:14 Drew He's a nice, fun guy. Good.

34:15 Adam All right. Well, get over Burt.

34:18 Drew That's what I'm saying.

34:21 Adam I mean, the hurt is still there.

34:23 Drew The hurt is still there, but I don't want anything to do with him. Good.

34:27 Adam Smart.

34:29 Drew Can you please stop playing that?

34:30 Adam Please, burn that tape, would you? And listen, close your eyes and picture Burt, Drew. Can you picture a gentleman like this ever doing anything like that?

34:37 Drew Do you remember when he was on your show last time?

34:39 Adam Delight.

34:39 Drew He had me waiting in the car to pick him up because he wouldn't let me come in because he didn't want to show to any of his band that he was like hanging out with me and he drove me. Now, I drove him to my best friend's birthday party and he ruined the birthday, stood there and made out with someone in front of me and I wanted to just die.

34:57 Adam Oh, Burt. Burt is so wrong.

34:59 Drew I wanted to die and then he just said, get over me.

35:04 Adam Drew, maybe you can set your daughter up with Burt in a few years. Maybe that's what I was thinking about. No?

35:08 No.

35:09 Adam You'd have him killed, wouldn't you?

35:11 Drew Do you remember when he was trying to say magnificent? It was embarrassing.

35:16 Yeah, well, all right.

35:17 Drew Women are making magnificent creatures or whatever he said.

35:21 Adam You made a mistake. You got past it.

35:23 Drew But you know, I don't think it was a mistake.

35:26 Adam Yes, you've learned.

35:26 Kelly Osbourne Perfect.

35:27 Drew Because it really, I did learn a lot and I believe that everyone does need to get their heart broken to become a human being.

35:34 Adam How many showers would it take to get Burt off you? Do you know what I mean?

35:37 Kelly Osbourne It's sort of a hypothetical.

35:39 Adam I know. I have to ask Mr. Al. Yeah. Oh, that stinking Burt. Monette? Monet? Monet? What is that? You're 14? I know there is a Monette name though. Is there? Yeah.

35:57 Kelly Osbourne But you never know with our.

35:58 Adam Yeah.

35:58 Kelly Osbourne Go to five, I guess.

36:00 Adam Let's talk to Melina.

36:06 Kelly Osbourne Melina.

36:08 Adam How do you spell your name?

36:10 M-E-L-I-N-A.

36:13 Drew You sound sad.

36:14 Adam That's Melina.

36:16 No, I'm, I guess, tired.

36:19 Adam What's up? Calling from Mississippi? Yeah. Who knew? What is your question, Melina?

36:27 My boyfriend really, really, really wants me to try anal sex. Mm-hmm.

36:34 Kelly Osbourne By the way, Melina is, it's still Melina, but in Mississippi, it's Melina.

36:39 Melina.

36:42 Adam Yeah, but if we were from somewhere other than Mississippi.

36:45 Kelly Osbourne How old is she?

36:45 Drew Is she 14?

36:47 Kelly Osbourne I'm 19.

36:47 Drew She's 19.

36:49 I was like, wow.

36:50 Adam That's way too old for not having anal in Mississippi.

37:00 Drew When you're with someone like, I really want to do that, if you don't want to do it, don't let them pressure you into doing that. Because I know somebody, well I kind of knew somebody that, boyfriend, they pressured her into doing that and she was really small and he like ripped her butthole and she was in like hospital for a week. It's a sensitive area down there. It's really not.

37:25 Kelly Osbourne I've been saying that.

37:27 Drew I don't really think that. If you're not gay, don't do it. A gay man. I mean, that's their way of doing it.

37:39 Kelly Osbourne No, they don't do that very often.

37:40 Adam That's their way of showing love.

37:41 Kelly Osbourne They don't do that.

37:43 Adam Most of them do mutual oral.

37:46 Kelly Osbourne Hold on. Kelly's right.

37:47 Adam Hold on. Mel- Melaina? Melaina. I can't. I don't know where you get the, it's M-E-L-I-N-A. But anyway.

37:57 Kelly Osbourne You know what?

37:57 Drew I just don't think like, that's just not, to me that's like an in-air, it's exit only.

38:03 Adam That's right. I don't even use it for an exit.

38:06 Kelly Osbourne I crap out my mouth.

38:06 He says that he's been with girls that really liked it there.

38:09 Drew Hold on. Do you know what? I'm sure there are some girls that really like it, but I wouldn't even go there if I were you.

38:16 I was just thinking, would I get anything out of this?

38:19 Caller He says I would.

38:20 Adam Yeah, so one way trip to the morgue.

38:22 Kelly Osbourne Some girls do, but most don't.

38:24 Drew Yeah, most don't.

38:27 Okay, but hold on.

38:29 Adam Just hold on. Quiet down for a second. There's many things I haven't done and there's many things we all haven't done, but we can sort of imagine like when someone says, have you ever done it to a girl on the butt? Yes, but it's disgusting. I'll let you smell me later. I still haven't showered.

38:44 It's been a number of years. It is a disgusting thing. Here's what I'm saying.

38:47 Adam Here's what I'm saying. I've never been windsurfing, but I could imagine I would like it. You know what I mean? But then I've never eaten monkey brain and I could imagine I wouldn't like it. In this, I've never been corn holed. I can imagine that I wouldn't like it. I believe you can sort of feel like I've never been windsurfing, but I can feel what it would feel like. You know what I mean?

39:09 Drew Imagine it. I do agree with you on that.

39:12 Adam So, Melina, that's how you figure out what you want to do and what you want to eat. You just close your eyes and picture it. And if you go, you put a puss on, then don't do it. And by the way, trust it. If you decide, whatever this isn't for me, fine.

39:28 Kelly Osbourne We've decided that is a rule for anything that goes in. Mouth.

39:32 Adam Right. Let me ask a quick hypothetical before we go to break, just to open all or expand everyone's mind here. What really has been different than what you thought it would feel like? You know, there's all those things like, I remember, oh, what does a boob feel like? When I was like 28, I remember thinking, what does a, no, when I was like 13, 14, it's like, what does a boob feel like? And then I felt the boob and I went, yep, that's, that's about what I thought it would feel like. It's that way for 99% of the things that are in this, in this world.

40:03 Drew I know this is really weird, but shrimp, when you eat shrimp, I never expected it.

40:07 Adam Shrimp surprised you?

40:08 Drew To be like that, yeah.

40:09 Adam For me, it was king crab. Drew, you got seafood? Prawns?

40:12 Kelly Osbourne Trout.

40:13 Adam Trout.

40:13 Drew Ew, you hit trout.

40:17 Adam He's, uh, he didn't, he's not actually, he doesn't think we're talking about eating seafood, he thinks we're talking about sex, that's a euphemism for going down on a nurse. Alright, we're going to take ourselves a little break. Kelly Osbourne in the studio tonight. Change his name of the CD. We'll hear something off it in 11 o'clock hour and we'll be right back after this. That's Dr. Drew. Kelly Osbourne here tonight. Change, name, sorry, change is the name of the CD. We'll hear something else off it. Drew and I were having a fascinating, we stopped arguing about that 10 minutes ago, and now we've moved into a realm of.

41:07 Drew I know you went a very, very intellectual conversation that I kind of kept out of because I didn't know what you're talking about.

41:12 Adam Well, I've been thinking.

41:15 Kelly Osbourne A dangerous thing, I might add.

41:18 Adam Okay, a couple of things, they just did this experiment. Just I just heard about a couple of days ago where they hooked electrodes up to a monkey's brain. They ran and they've been doing this for a lot of years, but they now ran the cord from the electrodes to a robotic arm. And for the first time, the monkey was controlling the arm.

41:40 Kelly Osbourne With its thoughts, basically.

41:41 Adam With its thoughts, with its brain. It's great for people that are, you know, handicapped or quadriplegic or something and don't have use of their arms or don't have use of their legs. One day we'll put some chip in their brain and they'll control mechanical arms and they'll rule the world. Probably end up getting more tail than me. But here's the point. I said to Drew and we were talking about this before we went to break, which is everything is sort of a feeling. Like you can feel what it would be like to windsurf even if you've never windsurfed and I can clearly feel what it would feel like. You can feel what things would taste like sometimes too and that sort of thing.

42:20 Drew And then I said, I guess it's more you can imagine you can't feel it.

42:24 Adam Yeah, well, you can imagine the feeling, I guess, is what you can do.

42:28 Kelly Osbourne I know imagine experience.

42:29 Adam If I ever got up on a windsurf board when I got off it, I would say this is exactly what I thought it would be. I could still enjoy it. But I have the suspicion it would be exactly what I thought it would be.

42:40 Drew Human beings have this obsession with being able to fly. But they can feel what it would feel like. And that's probably they can imagine what it feels like. So that's probably why it's so intriguing to them.

42:50 Adam I told Drew during the break that he could ride a unicycle. I can ride a unicycle. He could ride it if I could make him feel what it was supposed to feel like.

42:59 Kelly Osbourne I can't inject your experience into my brain.

43:01 Adam Yeah, he doesn't need any more muscles or anything any different. He just needs what my brain in his head and he could ride the unicycle. And then I said, do you think in the future we'll be able to download these things? Meaning if Drew could play the piano and I couldn't play the piano, is there any way to get that knowledge downloaded into my brain so that my fingers would play a sonata? And Drew said in the future.

43:26 Kelly Osbourne I said the experience could be done.

43:29 Drew I think, yeah, I believe maybe the experience, but I think it's more than the knowledge. It has to do with rhythm. It has to do with if you have a piano playing hands. It's so it's so much.

43:40 Adam Well, Drew said, what about muscle memory? And I said, but what is muscle memory? I mean, that's your that's your brain.

43:46 Drew Remembering what to tell your muscle to do. It's dancers have muscle memory.

43:51 Kelly Osbourne I was saying I was saying the development. You really have to deal about the independent function of the different things.

43:56 Well, let's just say you can't because it's like that's a spinal cord.

44:00 Drew The upper keys and the lower keys, it's like a whole different.

44:03 Adam I'm not saying you'd be with the Philharmonic. I'm just saying we might be in a place one day where information and or experiences and abilities to some degree.

44:14 Drew You're sounding like Bill Gates now.

44:16 Adam It's crazy, but I might be able to download Spanish into your brain. That'd be good times, right? If you spoke Spanish, yes. I'm optimistic about the future. I don't know about you two naysayers. I look forward to it.

44:33 Drew You know, it's like whatever.

44:35 Adam I want to download some goddamn Spanish into my brain so I can get some guys at my house to work. That's my plan. Let's let's take one call. So we said we did it. Corey.

44:46 Yeah.

44:47 Adam Oh, yeah. We talked to Corey about an hour ago and we didn't like his attitude. Let's see if it's changed.

44:52 There you go. It's changed.

44:53 Adam Okay. You're 16. What's up?

44:56 Caller Pre-recently, I was fling around the girl and I started to go down on her. She almost immediately pushed me away, complaining of a ticklish clit. I was kind of confused as to what to do about it. I'm not sure if the feeling was too intense or what.

45:11 Kelly Osbourne Yes, it's too intense.

45:12 Caller When I asked her about it, she just kind of got pretty defensive about it, kind of put up a wall and we don't really discuss it.

45:18 Drew Well, no one really wants to talk about the embarrassing things. I don't think she really wants to sit there and talk about her clit with you.

45:24 Adam Yes. Part of it could be a physical sensation and part of it is how old is she?

45:30 Caller 17.

45:31 Adam 17. She's young. I mean, it could be she could be an older woman.

45:35 Caller Part of it could be.

45:36 Adam Of course, she could be a little ashamed. You may have like a whoopee tongue or something. You may have one of those tongues that comes out like a party favor makes it noise and then rolls back.

45:44 Drew It's also I think it's different for guys like guys love it if a girl will give him head like whatever. But it's more it's way, way different for girls. It's more of a serious thing. It's more like your face is in my vagina. You know, it's like it's different.

46:00 Adam Yes. Yes, it is.

46:01 Drew It's really different. It's like you get like no more. I think it's more intimate. It's more of like a serious thing. I know a lot of girls that would will have sex with a guy a day over letting them go down on them because it's more if like that's what they do people who they who they really like.

46:17 Adam God bless them, by the way. And and also I do believe if it's a young person, there could be nerves at work here too. It couldn't just be purely a ticklish reaction.

46:27 Kelly Osbourne Sometimes though women that are multi-orgasmic through intercourse have this experience more also.

46:31 Adam So why it's never happened to me. All right. We're going to take a quick break. Kelly Osbourne in studio tonight. Here's something off to change his CD after this. Hey everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Kelly Osbourne is our guest tonight. Changes is the name of the appropriately named CD because Kelly's gone through some changes herself.

47:29 Caller I adore that girl that you're sitting there with.

47:31 Adam Oh, please.

47:32 Drew Can you please stop playing that?

47:35 Adam She's a more mature woman.

47:36 Drew Mm-hmm.

47:37 Adam She's seasoned.

47:38 Drew It makes me want to cry every time you play that.

47:41 Adam I'm sorry.

47:42 Drew It's horrible.

47:43 Adam I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

47:44 Drew I'm a really strong believer in never saying something you don't mean.

47:48 Adam Yeah. Well, get used to it with the love stuff, sweetie. I know. But Drew, how many time? You're a thinking man, but you've said you were in love with a few people that you're not married to now.

48:01 Drew Can I tell you something?

48:02 Kelly Osbourne I meant it at the time.

48:03 Adam Yes. You want to get in her pants.

48:05 Drew Like Rob Asen, I told him I love him because I do love him. We dated, but there's a difference because I wasn't in love with him. With Bert, I was in love with him.

48:14 Adam Yeah, but you said you're in love and Bert may have said he was in love, but he was in love, but not in love. And so he has the same excuse you have with Rob.

48:24 Drew Listen to what he just said. That wasn't like a OK.

48:27 Adam We vowed never to play it again on the air. But one more time, Anderson.

48:32 Caller I adore that girl that you're sitting there with.

48:35 Kelly Osbourne I don't I don't believe him. I hear emptiness when he says stuff like that.

48:39 Drew He's an empty person.

48:40 Adam Yeah, I call him a liar.

48:42 Drew He's a very selfish person that when you think him, oh, he just loves himself. But he doesn't even love himself. So therefore he's incapable of loving anyone else.

48:51 Adam Well, he may be like me, he's in love with the notion of being in love.

48:54 Drew He's not even with that. You know, he's one of those he's a very jaded person. He's very, very jaded. And I think he had a very, he had a very rough, hard life. So he takes out and everyone else and everyone around him.

49:07 Adam He takes it out on everyone around him with his personal hygiene as well. It's not just an attitudinal thing.

49:12 Drew I don't think he just one of those people that looks like he smells. He really doesn't smell.

49:16 Adam I say where there's smell, there's fire.

49:17 Drew I think Quinn smells much worse than him.

49:20 Adam Who's Quinn?

49:20 Drew The guitar player in the years.

49:22 Adam Oh, really?

49:22 Drew Like sometimes when you walk past his bunk, I'd want to throw up because it's so disgusting.

49:26 Adam You can always find someone that smells worse than somebody else, but it doesn't mean that person smells good.

49:31 Kelly Osbourne It also doesn't mean the guy that smells worse isn't bathing consistently. He may just have the funk. Yeah.

49:36 Adam Aaron. Aaron.

49:40 Caller Hello.

49:40 Kelly Osbourne There you are.

49:41 Adam Yes. You're 16.

49:44 Caller First, I want to say, Adam, you're one of the funniest people ever.

49:48 Adam Oh, thank you. Thank you.

49:49 Caller And Dr. Drew, I wanted to know how much your book costed.

49:53 Kelly Osbourne I think it's about, it depends where you get it. I think it's $17 on Amazon. I think 24 out in the retail stores.

49:58 Adam I just got this note. It's down to $3.

50:01 Kelly Osbourne Maybe by now.

50:02 Adam They're looking to move and it looks like it looks like it's heading down.

50:05 Kelly Osbourne What's that Anderson?

50:05 Caller But it doesn't sound like Aaron can read though.

50:08 Adam Oh, Aaron, can you read? That's mean. That is mean. So go out and get Drew's book and read it. Can you read without using your finger? Because I can't do that. Okay. I lose my place. I keep starting again at the same place. So what's your question, Aaron?

50:27 Caller I wanted to know if it was bad, if my girlfriend or not, when she's on her period.

50:32 Drew That's disgusting.

50:33 Kelly Osbourne Two things. Two things. Two things.

50:36 Adam Yeah.

50:36 Kelly Osbourne I swear I heard a smoke alarm in the distance there.

50:38 Caller No, we don't have a smoke alarm over there by the computer and the battery is not low at all.

50:45 Adam Not low. Plus they use a smoke. They use a canary. They don't actually have a smoke alarm. Canary dies, that means that there's carbon monoxide in the air.

50:55 Kelly Osbourne Secondly, Aaron, no girlfriend to go down.

50:58 Adam Do you have a girlfriend, Aaron?

51:00 Drew Do you realize that's like egg and blood and that's disgusting?

51:05 Adam Wait a minute. I just I thought I just heard the smoke detector. All right. Now, hold on. Let's try to time this thing. Aaron, don't move from where you are. That thing went off at about 53, Drew. So, if our calculations are correct, it should be chirping again about 25 or so. Now we can't hear him, though.

51:27 Kelly Osbourne Aaron?

51:27 Caller Yeah. It could be my cell phone because my girlfriend was trying to call, too. I put my cell phone close to the phone. It makes a beepy noise. Watch. You want me to do it?

51:41 Adam Yeah. Sounds like you're in the lab. Not quiet.

51:43 Kelly Osbourne Jacob's ladder in the background.

51:45 Adam Yeah. OK.

51:47 Kelly Osbourne I don't know what the sound.

51:49 Adam I don't know. Drew, how does it work when we announce that we need maybe this is only we're like pigeons and this is the only we're superstitious. But it sounds like whenever we announce, hey, we have to hear what's going on in the background. The sound goes out of the call.

52:02 Kelly Osbourne I really think it's when we stop speaking and listen.

52:06 Adam I've never done that before. All right. So you're saying that it's blood and egg. Is that egg?

52:13 What is that coming out of it?

52:14 Drew It's an egg, isn't it?

52:16 Kelly Osbourne Yes, it's a cell.

52:17 Drew But it's disgusting. Like, you know, being you know, being a girl, like you don't know what it looks like. It is disgusting. And if you want that in your mouth.

52:25 Kelly Osbourne Well, but it's not pouring out, you know.

52:27 Drew I know. But still, it's like there and he's going to get it in his mouth.

52:32 Adam He could.

52:32 Drew Drew, you've pulled the plug a few times. If she's wearing a tampon, that's still kind of gross. But I mean, that's OK. But if there's like no tampon in there and you're just like.

52:45 Adam How about they start doing tampons for.

52:48 Drew But why do you have to do it? Why can't you just wait until it's over?

52:51 Adam With the string, it's like a honey Dijon flavor. Get a guy, give a guy a little something when he's down there. Yeah, guys like that.

52:59 Drew But my thing is you're that desperate to eat pussy. Can you not just wait until it's over to do that?

53:06 Adam I think I could win that contest more than any guy. How long can you hold out from eating a girl out? Two hundred years. How long have you got? Five hundred years. Don't eat that girl out. It would be a competition. But you know what I mean?

53:18 Drew It's like... I don't think it's that bad to have sex while people are on the pier. I know a lot of people who do that.

53:25 Kelly Osbourne That's more messy, right?

53:26 Adam It can be.

53:27 Drew But so it's not in your mouth. You can take a shower and it's gone. You're eating it.

53:31 Adam That's true. You are ingesting it. Aaron?

53:34 Caller No, first I got a paper towel and wet it and I wiped it clean.

53:37 Adam Okay, buddy.

53:38 Drew You wiped what clean?

53:40 Kelly Osbourne No, no, no. He wiped that clean. He's imagining that's what he did.

53:43 Adam Aaron, you don't have a girlfriend, do you?

53:45 Caller Yeah, really. You. She can call if you want.

53:51 Adam You know what? I get a feeling it would be Aaron going, Hello.

53:55 Yes, Aaron does a very nice job on me when it's that time of the month.

53:59 Kelly Osbourne He uses a wet nap.

54:00 He uses a wet nap and he's very gentle and thorough. He's good and he's big. He's hung like a paint can down there.

54:07 Adam Oh, yes.

54:08 Shall I put him back on?

54:09 Adam Hello. That's Aaron's girlfriend. All right, Aaron. Something's going on with Aaron's phone.

54:19 Kelly Osbourne No good.

54:20 Adam And I did think I heard a smoke alarm.

54:22 Drew I did, too. I kept hearing that. That's very weird.

54:25 Adam Now, see, Kelly doesn't have that problem at her home because her smoke detectors are all hardwired. They don't take the battery.

54:32 Drew No, no.

54:33 Adam Yeah, that's white trash, those batteries.

54:34 Drew That's not true. They still do that, too. If they're the hardwired... Like, hardwires have batteries, too, and sometimes they'll just beep when you need to redo the battery, and it's so annoying.

54:44 Adam I don't know. It's hardwired. It shouldn't need a battery.

54:48 Kelly Osbourne Maybe...

54:48 Adam Backup battery?

54:49 Kelly Osbourne Maybe they're hardwired.

54:51 Adam But, Kelly, you're not up on a ladder fixing that.

54:54 Drew No, I get the broomstick and knock it off the ceiling.

54:56 Adam Smart. Ashley? You're 20?

55:00 Caller Yes, I am.

55:01 Adam What's up? Okay.

55:04 Recently, about a month ago, I found out that I have HPV, human papillomavirus. Drew, you know...

55:12 Adam That's the warts.

55:13 Well, there are certain strands that are warts. I'm sure Dr. Drew...

55:18 Drew My name is Mike Papalova.

55:20 Kelly Osbourne What's your question?

55:22 My question is, I actually... Okay.

55:26 Kelly Osbourne Ashley, papilloma means wart.

55:29 Right. But I've done some research...

55:32 Drew You don't actually really want to say what's on my vagina.

55:35 Well, the thing is that I don't have those symptoms. The symptoms I have when I got my pap smear are the irregular... First, it was irregular cellular changes about six months ago. And when I actually was about eight months ago. And then when I went in for my repap for them to recheck me, suddenly the irregular cellular changes had morphed into what they called lumps on my cervix. Those are called...

55:59 Kelly Osbourne those are warts.

56:01 Yes, they are. But they're...

56:03 Drew See, she doesn't want to say she has warts on her vagina. She's using an extensive vocabulary when she can just say it and say, I have warts on my vagina.

56:11 Kelly Osbourne Anyway, so anyway, what's the question?

56:12 My question is, there are external warts that are a symptom of HPV. But since I'm not experiencing those symptoms, could I pass on those symptoms to my boyfriend?

56:23 Kelly Osbourne Absolutely.

56:25 Because he got tested, I got tested before we had sex. We ended up both, you know, when you... I go through a certain agency that they call you if they... if they found anything irregular and they hadn't called me. And so I thought that I was okay with my test.

56:46 Kelly Osbourne You have the warts potentially forever. And definitely for the next three to five years. Whether you have abnormal cells, whether you have visible warts, that virus is there and contagious.

56:56 Right. And I didn't know that until after I had sex with my boyfriend.

56:59 Kelly Osbourne Well, there you go. Now he has it too.

57:02 Adam Maybe. Well, maybe. I just hear you have the warts.

57:06 Drew I think it's pretty impossible for him to have sex with her and knock it out.

57:11 Adam Now I think you have warts. Who else wants to go for warts?

57:13 Drew I do not have warts.

57:14 Adam Engineer Chris, do you want to pipe up? I'll give you warts too, brother.

57:17 Caller Adam, I can pass on the warts to you.

57:18 Do you want me to pass the warts to you, Adam? Better watch out.

57:21 Adam If you can do it via blowjob, yes.

57:23 Well, my question is, Drew, is this particular type of...

57:27 Kelly Osbourne Oh my gosh, it's Drew.

57:29 Kelly Osbourne I don't want to talk to her.

57:30 Adam How dare her.

57:31 Drew No, she's like, my question is for you, Drew.

57:34 Adam Cursing me with warts and then singling you out.

57:37 Drew But I love the way she refused it and then had bumps in my cervix because she didn't want to say, I have warts on my vagina. So she talked all this jargon and like all this medical talk.

57:46 Adam And I didn't want to... Some forms of papilloma are warts.

57:50 Drew Do you notice how many times she had pap smear too?

57:52 Kelly Osbourne Anyway, Ashley, so what is the question?

57:54 Adam Kelly, it's you more than me.

57:56 Caller My question is, is could I, would he, if he doesn't have symptoms and I'm not showing external symptoms, could he have it?

58:05 Kelly Osbourne Yes, yes, yes, he has it. Yes, he has it.

58:07 Adam He could have it.

58:07 Kelly Osbourne He has it. True? He should assume he has it.

58:10 Adam Drew, remember when you bet me $100?

58:12 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, but we don't know that you've been with somebody who had the virus. He knows she has.

58:16 Adam And you told me that everyone had warts.

58:17 Kelly Osbourne 50%.

58:19 Adam 50%, way too high, but true.

58:20 Drew 50% of people have warts?

58:23 Kelly Osbourne Of sexually active and... It's about 50%.

58:26 Adam Okay, but Drew, this Drew has warts. But Drew was telling me that I had warts and we made a bet. $100.

58:34 Kelly Osbourne There was.

58:35 Adam I poured acid on my pepe.

58:37 Kelly Osbourne Acetic acid on his penis.

58:38 Adam And hit it with a black light to see if there's anything. Nothing.

58:43 Kelly Osbourne We saw some suspicious lesions.

58:45 Adam No, you saw nothing.

58:46 Kelly Osbourne Suspicious.

58:47 Drew Is that how you see them? They don't actually raise? Like you just pour...

58:52 Adam No, if you had warts, most of the time they would raise. But if you're trying to settle a hundred dollar bet, and that's like a million dollars to you for Drew.

58:59 Drew Are they like the same kind of warts that are on your finger?

59:01 Kelly Osbourne They look about the same.

59:02 Drew But they're on like...

59:03 Kelly Osbourne Yeah.

59:04 Drew That's so disgusting.

59:05 Kelly Osbourne Sometimes they're little tiny ones. They're different sort of appearances.

59:08 Adam Yeah. Be careful when you're on the road.

59:09 Drew But it's the type of thing that like...

59:10 Adam Everyone in Europe has them.

59:11 Drew What do you think I am? Like I don't want to go around and be like, hey, you look cute and I come in my dressing room. Like I'm not a boy in a band. I didn't do that.

59:18 Adam I'm just playing, just just trying to impart a little knowledge before you go to Europe.

59:23 Drew That's all. I'm fully aware. Thank you.

59:24 Adam All right. If you want me to go along.

59:26 Drew And the Europeans are uncut. I don't go there.

59:28 Adam Good.

59:29 Kelly Osbourne More higher incidence of word virus with the uncut.

59:32 Drew I don't go there. I don't go there with the uncuts.

59:34 Adam It's gross. Jonathan, but you're from England.

59:37 Kelly Osbourne You're raised in England.

59:38 Drew My brother is caught. Most... It's like...

59:41 Adam Aha.

59:43 Drew I think it's because my mother is Jewish, I don't know. And my mother thinks it's clean. My dad's caught. My mom says my dad's caught. It's like a thing that... It's a clean thing. I have to get their thing caught.

59:56 Adam You should do PSAs.

59:57 Kelly Osbourne Really? It would be great.

59:58 Adam Yeah.

59:59 Kelly Osbourne Less HPV. Less HIV.

1:00:02 Adam Plenty of bracelet material.

1:00:04 Drew Public service announcement.

1:00:06 It would be.

1:00:06 Adam Jonathan.

1:00:07 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, sure.

1:00:09 Adam Jonathan, you're 16.

1:00:11 Caller Yes, I am.

1:00:11 Adam What's up?

1:00:13 Caller Well, number one, I would like to say, Kelly, you are the coolest and I wish you were my own sister. Yes, you're a cool girl. And Adam, you're a sarcastic ass, but it's what makes you, you. Well, my question is...

1:00:33 Kelly Osbourne You're gay.

1:00:37 Adam Drew, let him finish before you cast judgment. Go ahead.

1:00:40 Caller Oh, by the way, I loved your father, Adam Carolla piece on Carson's bash. Anyhow.

1:00:46 Adam Oh, yes. Thank you.

1:00:47 Drew Oh, speaking of that Carson's bashing, did you see what Maya did? Did you see everyone's face in the audience when she was giving him a lap dance?

1:00:53 Adam Yes.

1:00:54 Drew It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen because you could tell she was like, I'm doing this so people look at me. But everyone was like, what the hell is she doing?

1:01:00 Adam Yes, Maya was giving a very seductive lap dance.

1:01:02 Drew She's going from being the sweetest, quiet, cute girl to being like, look at me, I want to have sex with anything with a penis.

1:01:10 Adam She's trying to sell a product. You wouldn't stoop to that level though, Kelly. That's what I like about you. You're class and you're wartless. That's what I like about you. Alright, Jonathan, what's your question?

1:01:21 Caller Anyhow, my question is, I recently had an experience with a male. He's my step-cousin by marriage.

1:01:31 Adam You're gay. True, we get it. Keep going.

1:01:37 Caller Well, okay, the question is, I have up until this point been completely involved with girls, never had any experience with a guy ever.

1:01:45 Drew That doesn't mean anything.

1:01:46 Caller I've been very happy with girls.

1:01:48 Adam You've been happy, huh? How old was this guy?

1:01:50 Caller He's 17.

1:01:51 Adam Whose idea was it?

1:01:53 Caller It was his. He instigated it.

1:01:56 Drew Are you a metrosexual?

1:01:57 Caller Am I what?

1:01:59 Drew A metrosexual. Do you look like a girl but like girls?

1:02:04 Adam Is that what that is?

1:02:06 Kelly Osbourne I'm getting more super male stuff. Extra male.

1:02:09 Adam You've gotten, okay, so you're like a dude in prison.

1:02:11 Kelly Osbourne Right.

1:02:12 Adam Well, I don't know about that either. Okay, so he makes the move on you.

1:02:16 Kelly Osbourne Right.

1:02:17 Drew It doesn't matter who made the move. You still did it. It's not like you were willing to do it.

1:02:21 Adam Yeah, I know. But it helps when I'm trying to, we're trying to sort of solve this crime, you know?

1:02:26 Drew It's not a crime.

1:02:28 Adam No, it is against God. How? Well, he hates that. No, he's not.

1:02:32 Drew He really does.

1:02:33 Adam It makes him rich.

1:02:34 Drew No.

1:02:35 Adam It's true.

1:02:35 Drew That's stupid.

1:02:36 Don't worry.

1:02:36 Adam He'll sort us all out. He'll punish those.

1:02:39 How is it punishable?

1:02:41 Adam Believe me, God will punish. No. He does that. He's a vengeful God.

1:02:43 Drew That's stupid. Take it back.

1:02:45 Adam But he invented hepatitis and AIDS. He did all these things, Drew. Why would he do that?

1:02:51 Drew I think the government invented AIDS.

1:02:53 Adam OK. All right. Well, the government is God. That's what I'm talking about.

1:02:57 Kelly Osbourne God gave the government.

1:02:58 Adam God gave the government the test tubes and vanades. Jonathan. So you had what did you do with the guy? Oral sex?

1:03:07 Caller Yeah. Oral and anal.

1:03:11 Drew Did you give or receive?

1:03:12 Caller Yeah.

1:03:13 Adam Now it's bogus. Now it's bogus.

1:03:15 Caller Oh, OK. Go ahead and think it's bogus. Anyhow.

1:03:17 Adam Yeah, we do.

1:03:18 Kelly Osbourne But go ahead. Go ahead.

1:03:20 Adam Go ahead.

1:03:21 Caller Well, OK.

1:03:22 Drew I have a question. Did you give or receive?

1:03:25 Kelly Osbourne You know, sex is not something you do casually first time out of the block. Gee, I don't know if I'm gay or not.

1:03:29 Caller Well, I know. It was a bit of a... It was a really extremely weird experience and I...

1:03:33 Drew Don't take this as an offense, but you sound gay.

1:03:36 Caller I was slightly reluctant in the beginning and I'll be honest. I just... It like... It was weird. I mean, I'm, you know...

1:03:43 Drew Of course it's weird. You have someone's dick in your butt. Like, come on.

1:03:51 Caller So, I guess you guys have answered my question, which was that make me gay. You sound gay. Well, thank you, Kelly. Appreciate it.

1:04:01 Kelly Osbourne It doesn't...

1:04:04 Drew Like, no, that doesn't make you gay. You had a penis in your ass.

1:04:07 Kelly Osbourne Well, listen, as Adam mentioned, guys in prison do that kind of thing and are not gay.

1:04:12 Adam Well, what side of the penis were you on?

1:04:14 Drew That's why I keep asking. Did you give or receive? I gave.

1:04:18 Adam You gave. See, that makes you super straight.

1:04:22 Drew No, I don't know something. I don't think you know what you are. And if you have to ask…

1:04:26 Kelly Osbourne Except for being a bogus caller.

1:04:28 Adam Yeah, except for it's bogus. We don't buy it, Jonathan. It's not holding together at all. It's just it's missing major vital components.

1:04:37 Kelly Osbourne All right.

1:04:38 Adam We're labeling this as bogus.

1:04:40 Kelly Osbourne And if you want to answer the question, the hypothetical, no, it doesn't render you gay. Just, you know, the experience.

1:04:46 Drew I mean, it's experimented, but I think he sounds gay.

1:04:48 Kelly Osbourne It's highly suspicious.

1:04:50 Adam I think he's gay.

1:04:50 Kelly Osbourne It's suspicious that a 16 year old would have a very spirited gay experience that he was into.

1:04:56 Drew But you know what I love? Like he calls up and he, what am I going to do? Like him? And I tell him the truth. He's like, well, thank you, Kelly.

1:05:02 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It was bogus.

1:05:05 Kelly Osbourne It was bogus.

1:05:05 Adam And also here's how you know you're not gay. Gay guys don't make bogus calls. Think about that. Chicks and gays. Look, as gays are kind of like chicks, they don't make bogus calls. They don't have the bogus F with gene in them. You know what I mean? They torment each other, but they don't do it over the phone. Kelly Osbourne is in studio night. We're going to hear something. Too late to hear something off the new CD. I thought you were going to break. Oh, don't worry about it. I know it sounded like I was going to break, but I'm going to break and hear a Kelly Osbourne song. Another one off the CD known as Changes. And this one is called...

1:05:38 Drew On the Run. I hope they chose a live one.

1:05:40 Adam Oh, it's live.

1:05:41 Drew It's live, yeah.

1:05:41 Adam Where did you record it?

1:05:42 Drew I don't know. On the last tour I did over America.

1:05:45 Adam Oh, good. This is On the Run Live. Live from Budokan.

1:09:44 Kelly Osbourne Concert from Bangladesh.

1:09:45 Drew It's weird because we always I always talked about like doing live stuff because the album doesn't give my songs justice. I think it's quite crap the way that they recorded the songs.

1:09:58 Adam On this one or the last one?

1:10:00 Drew No, on the last album, it's basically the same album. It's just got live stuff in the song I did with my dad. It's so poppy and I don't really like the kind of music that's on it. But when they're live, it's so different.

1:10:13 Adam Well, it's good that you could capture that and put on the CD.

1:10:16 Drew They recorded every single show and they chose the best ones. I was bummed because it was not to go back in and fix my mistake. Like, no, it's live. You can't do that.

1:10:25 Adam Oh, really? Because I know a lot of live albums.

1:10:27 Drew Can I tell you something? You want to hear a little secret?

1:10:30 Adam Yes.

1:10:30 Drew Whenever they do live, um, Ausfest stuff, like the bands, most of the bands request that they have the audience louder for them. And it's so cheesy. Oh, you mean so they turn up the volume for the audience. A lot of the bands do that. And I think that's the worst thing ever.

1:10:51 Adam What bands?

1:10:52 Drew I can't remember. Let me think.

1:10:54 Adam Oh, how democratic of you.

1:10:55 Kelly Osbourne During the break.

1:10:57 Adam We're going to take a quick break. Kelly Osbourne, the new and improved Kelly Osbourne in studio tonight. Change his name of the CD. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:11:44 Kelly Osbourne The guy was like, oh, how am I supposed to react to this?

1:11:48 Adam He's hot. The Kelly Osbourne here tonight changed his name of the CD. Going to start the European tour. We haven't really even talked about the Osbournes at all. Now that you're not sick of her to talk about that next month to start again. Start and this the fourth season. And they start. Let's just figure out the schedule here. They think that they invade your house starting when?

1:12:16 Drew I think next month.

1:12:17 Adam Next month.

1:12:17 Kelly Osbourne For how long?

1:12:19 Drew Until they get everything they need.

1:12:20 Kelly Osbourne Like six months, five months.

1:12:22 Adam Five, six months.

1:12:23 Drew It can go if a lot of stuff happens, it can have a month.

1:12:27 Adam Oh, really?

1:12:28 Drew But if it's kind of slow, it can take six months, you know?

1:12:30 Adam You mean if you have a fruitful and eventful crisis filled month, they can be out of there in a month and a half?

1:12:39 Drew Yeah. It depends on what goes on, you know, because they film 24-7, you know? And it's like if we're just sat on the couch, they're just filming us out on the couch and no one wants to watch that, you know, Kelly sat on the couch from right, you know?

1:12:56 Kelly Osbourne That Osbourne film, I mean, the Mary Kate and Ashley film is coming out like in May, April and May. So that'll be in the new one.

1:13:04 Adam Oh, yeah, because Drew did that and Jackson did as well. Now, what movie was Jack working on on season number two when he went off and they filmed something?

1:13:14 Drew He was doing Dawson's Crack.

1:13:16 Adam Oh, wait a minute, we did that.

1:13:18 Kelly Osbourne Yeah. Same episode?

1:13:19 No, no, no.

1:13:21 Kelly Osbourne He was coming like right after us or something.

1:13:22 Adam He was.

1:13:23 Kelly Osbourne I remember hearing about it.

1:13:24 Adam I remember seeing it on the Osbournes and then I remember seeing us on the Osbournes. I think we've been on the first couple of seasons when they're in studio here. But anyway, so there's guys sleeping in your house.

1:13:38 Drew They have no, they don't sleep there. They're usually in the garage and they there's different shifts. There's three crews, so every eight hours there's a turnover, you know what I'm saying? Right. So it's like no one actually sleeps there.

1:13:53 Adam So they're there 24 hours.

1:13:55 Drew Basically, yeah.

1:13:56 Adam And is there, I mean, I'm sure it gets old pretty fast, but what do you dread most? I mean, is there a certain, I guess there's a certain situation that you dread.

1:14:05 Drew I have a whole thing where I hate being outside of the house with the cameras. Right. I hate it. I freak out. If I'm not in a familiar surrounding with them, I can't do it and I freak out because I hate like being pushed out of the way by some kid who wants to get in front of the camera to say, hi, mom, you know, it's like, it's annoying. Because like you're just trying to go about your life and do your thing, you know? Right.

1:14:29 Adam And, and so I couldn't imagine. And there's cameras set up in all the rooms too, right?

1:14:35 Drew Most of the room.

1:14:36 Adam And I mean, what about your privacy?

1:14:38 Drew I know what privacy, but I have nothing to hide, so I don't care.

1:14:45 Adam But what about when you get out of the shower?

1:14:47 Drew Oh, they're not there.

1:14:48 Adam And you're in your bathrobe. I mean, you're in the bathroom and you want to walk into your room.

1:14:52 Drew Then I'll just like, give me five minutes. They won't be like, they're really, really good about that kind of stuff.

1:14:56 Adam And there's no. But there are fixed cameras that are set up about the house, right?

1:15:01 Drew Yeah, I refuse to have one in my room.

1:15:02 Adam So not in your room?

1:15:03 Drew No.

1:15:04 Adam OK.

1:15:05 Drew Because it's like, that's weird.

1:15:07 Kelly Osbourne Are you and Jack fighting less?

1:15:08 Drew Pardon?

1:15:09 Kelly Osbourne Are you and Jack fighting less?

1:15:10 Drew We actually are since he has been through the program and stuff. I mean, he's really changed and he's great and he doesn't fight with me anymore. We get along usually really well. And it's been it's been really great. You know, I have my brother back.

1:15:27 Adam This can be the last season, then, if they're not fighting. One has got to get hopped up and go at each other. I'm telling you, that's the best part.

1:15:33 Kelly Osbourne Is Amy going to be in this season?

1:15:35 Adam Oh, yeah. What about the third sis?

1:15:38 Drew I don't have a relationship with her.

1:15:39 Adam Oh, really? What happened? She's she's she's bitter.

1:15:44 Drew She's a very bitter person. Yeah. She's not very nice.

1:15:47 Adam She starts dating.

1:15:48 Kelly Osbourne You know what?

1:15:49 Drew She can I tell you something?

1:15:50 Kelly Osbourne She would be perfect for him.

1:15:51 Kelly Osbourne But no, really, I have made her and as to for a friend, I will, you know, a civilian outside of your family, she's delightful.

1:15:59 Adam Really?

1:16:00 Drew She comes across delightful to people that she doesn't know.

1:16:02 Kelly Osbourne No, I'm just saying.

1:16:03 Adam That's just what a bitch would do.

1:16:04 Drew That's that's that's what it's like. She's she won't be rude to you.

1:16:08 Kelly Osbourne I mean, she is like, but you know what it is? She's one of those people. I mean, that's how she comes across.

1:16:15 Drew She's like one of those people that like I'm perfect. And I wear khaki pants to speak with a very, very proper English accent. And I don't do anything bad because she's embarrassed of us.

1:16:27 Adam I feel like she thinks she's better than you.

1:16:29 Drew She thinks she's so much better than us. But ask her, have you ever had a job? Have you ever done anything to help anyone else? And she couldn't, she couldn't say yes.

1:16:39 Kelly Osbourne Does she have a relationship with Jack now that he's sober?

1:16:42 Drew My brother does not. My brother just likes him more than I do, I think.

1:16:46 Adam That's saying a lot. Is she, do you think she's jealous?

1:16:50 Drew I think that she is. Yeah.

1:16:52 Adam So it was one of these things where something came up.

1:16:54 Drew She's a very insecure person, so she would never do it.

1:16:56 Adam All right. But an opportunity came around. She was asked to be included on it. She sort of said, no, this is not for me. I would lower myself to that level.

1:17:05 Kelly Osbourne No, she said that they're exploiting you.

1:17:08 Adam Whatever it is, it turned into a runaway hit. Everyone has recording contracts now.

1:17:14 Kelly Osbourne But she could stop anytime she wants.

1:17:15 Drew Like, for example, this is the type of stuff she does. She's like, she's like, Mom, I want you to buy me a house. Mom, I want you to buy me a house.

1:17:21 Kelly Osbourne Please buy me a house. They're pretty conflicted, your mom and Amy. Yes?

1:17:25 Drew Yeah. But my mom seriously loves her more than anything in the whole entire world and will do anything for her.

1:17:35 Adam More than you? More than you and Jack?

1:17:38 Drew I think she has a different kind of love for my sister.

1:17:40 Kelly Osbourne Don't create more trouble.

1:17:41 Adam Drew likes one of his three kids better. I can't say who.

1:17:44 Drew That's true, though. She does. She she doesn't love any or smaller, but she will do more. I go out of her way to do more things for her than any of us, because she knows that we'll be fine. You know, she feels like, for example, this is like this is what I'm saying. My mom, she's like, I want a house. Buy me a house. I want a house. Buy me a house. My parents buy her a house. Then she goes around to all of her friends saying, my parents only bought me a house because they feel guilty.

1:18:05 Adam Oh, I see.

1:18:06 Drew Guilty for what? You like you're nuts.

1:18:09 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:18:10 Adam Yeah. It's tough. I know.

1:18:12 Drew And also, whenever she tries to create, like I'm the Cinderella.

1:18:15 Adam When you do things for people, when you give them houses and stuff, it always ruins. They ironically are more angry at you than if you hadn't given them a house.

1:18:24 Kelly Osbourne Right.

1:18:25 Caller Right.

1:18:26 Kelly Osbourne That's like the mom that stays behind when the dad leaves. The mom's the one that the kid is mad at.

1:18:30 Caller Right.

1:18:30 Adam All right. Is she moving forward with a singing career?

1:18:34 Drew She doesn't do anything.

1:18:35 Adam Does nothing.

1:18:36 Drew Nothing. She did one movie.

1:18:39 Adam We can hang.

1:18:39 Drew And she hated doing it because she had to do something.

1:18:42 Adam Right.

1:18:43 Drew And she said she never wanted to do it again.

1:18:44 Adam What'd she do in the movie?

1:18:46 Drew She was in The Weathering Heights. She played a bitch.

1:18:49 Kelly Osbourne Oh, really? She was up. I met her in Vancouver. Is that what they did?

1:18:53 Drew No.

1:18:54 Kelly Osbourne She said she was doing a movie up there when I ran into her.

1:18:58 Adam She might have been ice fishing up there.

1:19:00 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, that's a fact.

1:19:01 Adam You say she was a delight, but as it turns out, you were wrong.

1:19:05 Drew No, she is very, very nice to people who she doesn't know. You know, and she's but when, for example, when she feels uncomfortable around somebody, she'll just switch on to bitch mode and will not say a word. And I'll just be like, just be like, what happened to you? Like, why are you being like this? Because no one has ever done anything to her. It's like all in her head.

1:19:27 Adam Well, good times. Making me feel better about my family. Rachel. You're 21. You've been on hold for 122 minutes and 22 seconds. God bless you. What's up?

1:19:43 Caller I have a question, I guess, for Dr. Drew. Last night, I noticed that I have a vaginal rash and I get like, I guess, vaginal itching occasionally every maybe every month or so. It lasts for a couple of days and kind of goes away. But this is an actual rash and it's red all over. And it's actually.

1:20:04 Kelly Osbourne And it's on the outside or the inner inner areas?

1:20:06 Caller It's on the outside and it goes all the way up. If I look on that, even the sides of the lobby, I guess it's called.

1:20:14 Drew I don't mean to be rude and don't do this to offense or anything, but do you shower every day?

1:20:19 Caller Oh, yes, yes.

1:20:19 Kelly Osbourne Have you had a new sexual partner recently?

1:20:23 Caller No, not at all. I've had the same boyfriend for and I've been sitting with him for about a year.

1:20:27 Drew Are you using like weird soap or something?

1:20:30 Caller No, no, I haven't done anything differently. It's also got it. The skin is peeling to a little bit.

1:20:36 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, it makes me worry about herpes. I got to tell you. And sometimes a guy may have it and not know it and become active and transmitted.

1:20:43 Adam Yeah, what about the tanning beds? I like the picture of that.

1:20:46 Drew Do you go in tanning beds?

1:20:48 Caller No, no, I don't.

1:20:50 Kelly Osbourne Or this maybe he strayed and gave you something that way. Or maybe this is just some, as Kelly, the past, she's going down some sort of irritation or allergic reaction.

1:21:00 Drew Like a soap or like a laundry detergent or something.

1:21:03 Kelly Osbourne But it does. It's very hard to evaluate rashes over the time.

1:21:07 Drew I've never really had peeling skin around that area. So I really wouldn't give it.

1:21:11 Kelly Osbourne Peeling just means inflammation. It's just an inflammatory reaction. And the question is, is there some sort of virus causing it?

1:21:16 Adam Well, what about what about your boyfriends? He been stepping out on you?

1:21:21 Caller No, I know.

1:21:23 Drew You say no because you don't know. You should say I don't know.

1:21:26 Adam Is he the cheating kind?

1:21:27 Caller No, no.

1:21:29 Kelly Osbourne How dare you?

1:21:29 Adam Well, I just mean, is he kind of nerdy? You know, you girls know.

1:21:32 Kelly Osbourne Look, nerdy.

1:21:34 Adam Well, I just mean, there's guys who can get laid and oftentimes will. And then, you know, there's the guys who only you are merciful enough to actually get down with it.

1:21:42 Drew So I have a question.

1:21:43 Adam That's Rachel's case.

1:21:44 Drew It's appealing because she has a swollen vagina.

1:21:46 Kelly Osbourne Inflamed, the surface of the skin inflames and sloughs the top.

1:21:50 Adam Good times, though.

1:21:53 Caller I looked it up on the Internet, too.

1:22:00 Kelly Osbourne Vaginitis?

1:22:01 Caller Yeah.

1:22:02 Drew There's really something called vaginitis?

1:22:05 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:22:05 Caller I got one.

1:22:06 Kelly Osbourne It's very common. And vaginitis, again, yes, it can be a sexually transmitted disease, can be candida or yeast. But that's just on the inside. That wouldn't typically cause an eruption on the outside. Though sometimes yeast can. So, yeah, it could be.

1:22:19 Drew I would go get tested for STDs if I were you, because someone could tell you instead of just asking.

1:22:23 Kelly Osbourne You could also quickly go get the yeast kit over the counter and start that, see if it helps, and then get a better.

1:22:28 Drew No, if you have something wrong down there, instead of just like testing to see if something is going to help, but just go to a doctor and they'll tell you. So you'd have to sit there and wonder if you have something wrong with your bits.

1:22:38 Adam Yes. What about what? Do you have a bits, Dr. Rachel?

1:22:43 Kelly Osbourne We refer to Adam as a doctor for your bits.

1:22:45 Adam Do you have a doctor for your bits? Do you have a specialist?

1:22:51 Drew Get one.

1:22:52 Kelly Osbourne That's the thing about it. We're so jaded by our college we know.

1:22:55 Adam Yeah. Do you have a regular doctor, you say?

1:23:00 Kelly Osbourne Talk to her.

1:23:00 Adam Got to be a thrill for the regular doctor. Doesn't get to see a lot of veg to have that pop in 21. I've been knowing you since you were 11. Oh, I see. Problem where? Hold on my calls, nurse. Let me wash my hands and slap on a little Aquavella. It's going to be great. I mean, there's got to be an element of that. Yes, Drew? No, no, no. Yes, yes. Yes, because as a gynecologist you burnt out on the snatch.

1:23:24 Drew Yes. I just think that it's kind of like a doctor is so used to seeing that.

1:23:30 Adam You've got to think that. Keep thinking that.

1:23:33 Drew That's why I would never go to a male gynecologist because I think male gynecologists are just perverts.

1:23:38 Adam Absolutely. 100% everyone except for the Asian and Indian guys. Those guys aren't. They have no feelings. The robots who look at your vagina.

1:23:48 Drew It's true.

1:23:48 Adam It's true. That's been bred out of them. But the white guys and the black guys, you got to keep an eye on them. Sure.

1:23:54 Drew I just think it's kind of like, it's like any doctor that says, OK, I'm going to be a vagina doctor.

1:24:00 Kelly Osbourne They're surgeons, though. They're surgeons. They deliver babies.

1:24:02 Adam Yeah, they're porn surgeons. And they stare up young women's skirts for a living and they get paid and they touch and they fondle and they feel. And some guys are like, how many cases have you seen like a right about in the papers of guys who just like molest the potions, probably gynecologists, there's a lot of them. Hundreds of billions.

1:24:21 Drew There really is.

1:24:23 Kelly Osbourne But there's lots of, you know, all kinds of doctors that do that stuff and that kind of teachers and they've done it. I hate them all.

1:24:28 Adam Schillions of kazillions.

1:24:29 Drew Because they have pussy in their face all day.

1:24:31 Adam That's true. And you know what? Once you get a taste for it, Drew, you become like an animal. You can't get it out of you.

1:24:36 Kelly Osbourne Can I go to finishing school?

1:24:37 Adam Where did you go to finishing school? Back in England?

1:24:40 Kelly Osbourne There's a British thing.

1:24:41 Adam On the East Coast.

1:24:42 Kelly Osbourne There's definitely a British, British tone to this.

1:24:44 Adam Could have been in Massachusetts area.

1:24:46 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, yeah, could have been New England.

1:24:47 Adam All right. But look, Dennis, what about Dennis, these guys are the number one guys for feeling chicks up.

1:24:53 Kelly Osbourne While they're asleep.

1:24:54 Adam Yeah.

1:24:54 Drew I know.

1:24:55 Adam You can't go to the dentist.

1:24:56 Drew See, I'm terrified of dentists.

1:24:58 Adam Yeah.

1:24:59 Drew When I got kicked out of my dentist, he won't refuse to see me because I kicked him when he tried to stick. I freaked out. I'm terrified of the dentist.

1:25:05 Adam What did he try to put in your mouth?

1:25:07 Drew Like needles. Because he was pulling my teeth and I hated it.

1:25:10 Adam No.

1:25:11 Drew And I was crying. Because that's my biggest fear, is that people did in my face, you know?

1:25:16 Adam Yeah, no.

1:25:17 Drew And they, he's like.

1:25:19 Adam Yeah.

1:25:20 Drew I don't even bother.

1:25:21 Adam I don't know.

1:25:22 Drew It's just like your dream thing, like anything that can, like, be turned towards, like having penis in mouth.

1:25:27 Adam No, I'm not. No, that's Drew's thing. That's not my thing. But what I'm saying is, when you go to the dentist, you got to figure at some point someone's going to put something in your mouth.

1:25:36 Drew I don't think that I would ever go and be put to sleep if I didn't.

1:25:38 Adam Did have a guard there.

1:25:39 Drew Yeah, if I didn't have someone like watching, make sure that you was doing the right thing.

1:25:42 Adam Oh, really? I swear to Christ, I go to the dentist, I get put to sleep. I pray I wake up with the guy's balls in my mouth instead of both his hands and one foot. You know what I'm saying?

1:25:51 Kelly Osbourne Yes, you'd rather have the crowbar.

1:25:52 Adam I'd rather get the tea bag than the crowbar, than the power drill. All right, let's take a little break. Kelly Osbourne in studio tonight. Doesn't like the gyno, doesn't like the dentist. That doesn't leave much. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Kelly Osbourne is our guest tonight. She's going to be running in here in just one second. We have a call coming up. Last time- That's all right, Kelly. We got a call that's going to be germane to what I'm about to say, which was last time Kelly was in the studio. Maybe it was the time before I was explaining to her how chicks don't know anything about war, and guys too. Then she went on to yell at me about studying war, but then didn't know who was fighting in World War II. So I claim that as a victory.

1:27:01 Drew I know. No, that's not what I said.

1:27:03 Adam I claim that as a victory. What did you say?

1:27:06 Drew I said that was such a generalization.

1:27:08 Adam A generalization. But then you said you knew a lot about World War II.

1:27:14 Drew I said I knew quite a bit because of my dad.

1:27:17 Adam All right.

1:27:18 Drew All right.

1:27:19 Adam Do you know more than you did before?

1:27:22 Drew I don't know. As long as I'm sitting there and study the war.

1:27:25 Adam We're not going to put you to the test.

1:27:27 Kelly Osbourne We got to call it.

1:27:27 Adam But we do have a call.

1:27:28 Drew Hey, that's not true that I didn't know who fought in World War II.

1:27:31 Adam Well, who did fight?

1:27:32 Drew It was a world war.

1:27:34 Adam So that's everybody. But Mars not included? No, but who was on the good side?

1:27:40 Drew But that's the stupidest thing you've ever said. Mars wasn't included because Mars is not the world. That would be the universe.

1:27:49 Adam Who was on the good side? Who was on the bad side?

1:27:51 Drew America and England. Like the good side. The bad side was Germany because the Nazis took over Sweden. Not Sweden. Sweden was neutral.

1:28:00 Kelly Osbourne But Germany and who? Germany had two friends.

1:28:03 Drew It wasn't Russia.

1:28:04 Adam Alright, true.

1:28:06 Drew I know this is going to drive me nuts now.

1:28:11 Adam Switzerland is a neutral one by the way.

1:28:13 Drew I thought, no, Sweden wasn't neutral. Amsterdam wasn't neutral either.

1:28:18 Adam Not sure about that. We're digging deep into the No, because think about it.

1:28:22 Drew That's where Anne Frank was in Amsterdam.

1:28:26 Adam That's a good point. Alright, so Poland. Poland, good or bad?

1:28:31 Drew Bad.

1:28:33 Adam Why would Germany invade Poland first thing if they were bad?

1:28:38 Drew Because they took it over. That's the thing.

1:28:42 Adam Okay, alright. Germany and who else? Japan. Alright, we're good. I stand corrected. You got Germany, Poland and Japan. What about Italy? What side are they on? Good, bad? Samantha?

1:29:00 Kelly Osbourne Yes.

1:29:01 Adam What's up?

1:29:01 Kelly Osbourne You're 22.

1:29:03 Kelly Osbourne Just to start off, Russia was initially in Axis power. They were almost.

1:29:09 Kelly Osbourne They were almost, weren't they?

1:29:11 Kelly Osbourne Up until 41 actually.

1:29:14 Kelly Osbourne They were in Axis power and See girls do know about war too.

1:29:18 Kelly Osbourne Well, Samantha is a history major. She's called the Challenge Adam.

1:29:21 Kelly Osbourne No, I'm actually an international relations major and my emphasis is strategy and war theory. I'm a philosophy major as well.

1:29:30 Kelly Osbourne What?

1:29:31 Adam I'm a philosophy major.

1:29:33 Kelly Osbourne What kind of philosophy?

1:29:34 Adam Doesn't matter. You never end up doing anything.

1:29:36 Kelly Osbourne You're fat.

1:29:38 Adam You just argue with people.

1:29:39 Caller Drew, please.

1:29:41 Adam I'm sure she's just husky. Alright, go ahead.

1:29:45 Drew What makes you think because she's smart that she has to be fat?

1:29:49 Adam You don't have to be, but it helps.

1:29:50 Kelly Osbourne So, Samantha, you're going to challenge Adam?

1:29:53 Kelly Osbourne Yeah, I'm wondering what question you could ask me about World War II or really any war that I can't answer.

1:29:59 Adam Any war? Who?

1:30:01 Kelly Osbourne Go for it. Anything since about let's go 900 BC.

1:30:07 Kelly Osbourne Wow, we're impressed.

1:30:09 Adam Alright, let's see.

1:30:10 Kelly Osbourne The tactics I'm especially good at and strategy, of course.

1:30:15 Adam Tactics, alright. Let's see. Okay, I'll ask you something.

1:30:23 Kelly Osbourne What was the first major battle of the Civil War? American Civil War.

1:30:28 Caller Oh, the first political battle?

1:30:31 Kelly Osbourne No, first military battle.

1:30:34 Kelly Osbourne The first military battle should have been.

1:30:36 Adam Should have been.

1:30:38 Drew If she doesn't know this, I'm going to feel so bad.

1:30:43 Kelly Osbourne Let's go back to World War II. What were you specializing in?

1:30:46 Adam Let's go World War II.

1:30:48 Kelly Osbourne The specialties are actually this century.

1:30:50 Adam This century.

1:30:51 Kelly Osbourne And then the minor skirmishes. My real specialty is things mainly guerrilla warfare.

1:31:00 Kelly Osbourne I'm looking at like El Salvador, Nicaragua, Panama, look at What was the name of the famous road in Vietnam that the I hope so.

1:31:11 Adam Famous road that all the services, all the goods were brought down.

1:31:14 Kelly Osbourne That the Viet Cong is I can hardly hear you guys.

1:31:19 Adam What was What was the famous road that what? Who were we allied with, north or south in Vietnam?

1:31:27 Kelly Osbourne I'm sorry?

1:31:29 Adam I can hardly hear you. In Vietnam?

1:31:32 Kelly Osbourne Yes.

1:31:33 Adam In Vietnam, who were we allied with?

1:31:36 Kelly Osbourne North or south?

1:31:37 Kelly Osbourne It was initially the French that fought the war.

1:31:39 Adam It was the Ho Chi Minh Trail that was the major road.

1:31:42 Kelly Osbourne If that was what you were saying. What was the name of the ship that Senator McCain blew up with.

1:31:54 Adam His A-4?

1:31:57 Kelly Osbourne Does this really have to be brought to this point?

1:31:59 Adam That was a big, huge event of Vietnam.

1:32:04 Drew Can we just tell everyone that he's really, really smart so we don't have to sit here and waste our time talking about this?

1:32:11 Kelly Osbourne Who's smartest guy in the entire world?

1:32:13 Kelly Osbourne I do, I remember just his major that wasn't so important as Well, it was a pretty big deal.

1:32:21 Adam Alright, you got the Ho Chi Minh. Alright, we're fine with that. Give me three planes that we flew in Vietnam.

1:32:35 Kelly Osbourne Goodness, you ask every question that I can't get.

1:32:37 Kelly Osbourne You ask Adam something, see if he can answer it.

1:32:40 Adam Alright, I'm just asking basic questions.

1:32:44 Kelly Osbourne Samantha, you ask a question, see if Adam can answer it.

1:32:46 Kelly Osbourne I have so much hardware that I'm good with. Let's see, who were the...

1:32:49 Adam You knew everything a second ago.

1:32:51 Kelly Osbourne Who was, okay, here's a world war II question for you. Who were the... It was an SS that both led battles and were responsible propaganda along the line...

1:33:07 Adam Brown shirts, the brown shirts.

1:33:10 Kelly Osbourne Wrong.

1:33:10 Adam Thank you.

1:33:12 Kelly Osbourne Try again.

1:33:13 Adam Who? I don't know.

1:33:18 Kelly Osbourne Tell us the answer. That's an easy one.

1:33:22 Adam That's such an easy one that no one has ever heard of it. Probably another word for the brown shirts, by the way.

1:33:28 Kelly Osbourne You're fat.

1:33:30 Adam How is that spelled?

1:33:31 Kelly Osbourne I'll look it up on the web.

1:33:33 Drew Why do you have to insult it by calling her fat? Because you couldn't get a question.

1:33:36 Adam Drew did that.

1:33:37 Caller We'll take a quick break.

1:33:38 Adam We'll be right back. I want to thank the delightful Kelly Osbourne for coming in here tonight. You've really blossomed as a young lady.

1:34:20 Kelly Osbourne It's a delight having you in. She takes all the awful things she was thinking about.

1:34:24 Adam Takes them all back, doesn't she? You come back anytime you like changes. Name of the new CD, go out and get that. You can see, Kelly, if you're one of our European listeners in the next few weeks.

1:34:36 Kelly Osbourne Do you really have European listeners? No.

1:34:39 Adam Some internet people.

1:34:40 Drew Do you really broadcast this on the internet?

1:34:43 Kelly Osbourne No, but it's alright. Somebody does, I'm sure.

1:34:45 Adam People do send tapes around. Come on, Drew. Don't take the air out of my bubble.

1:34:50 Drew I just popped it, I'm sorry.

1:34:52 Adam So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:34:56 Drew Of course it's weird, you have someone's dick in your asshole.

1:35:03 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Engeld. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, October 14, 2003