0:21🔗
Voiceover
Hey, everybody, this is Dr. Drew. Phone number, indeed, is 1-800-LOVE-191. And I am delighted to welcome into the studio tonight Ben Stein.
0:33🔗
Drew
Well, it is such a pleasure. Ben is a prolific author, How to Ruin Your Life, How to Ruin Your Love Life, How to Ruin Your Financial Life. And as I recall, all written to try to give something to your son. Isn't that right?
0:45🔗
Ben Stein
No, no, actually not. Not at all. As a matter of fact, I've written a lot of things encouraging my son to study harder, but no books yet.
0:57🔗
Ben Stein
Girls fall madly in love with my son. He doesn't have any problem with love life and he doesn't really have any investment decisions to make at this stage. So he doesn't have to worry about that. But I'm trying in these books to make people realize what they do wrong, to ruin relationships. I'll give you an example, Dr. Drew. I have a friend in Washington, a beautiful young girl, and she's desperate to get married. She can't understand why she's not married. She's almost 30 and she does things like, when she was riding around with me a little while ago, telling me that she hates dogs and because dogs eat poopy. And I love dogs more than anything else in the world.
1:43🔗
Ben Stein
Both of my dogs are with me out in the car, right outside the studio. And so to tell me that who loves dogs, that she thinks dogs are dirty and dogs eat poopy is the height of insanity and is a perfectly good way to ruin a relationship. In fact, one, I'm going to write a book or maybe an article, a long article soon called How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship. And that's one way is to tell someone who loves dogs, you think dogs are dirty because they eat poopy. Another good way is to go out on a date with somebody and in the middle of the day say, you know, I like you a lot and I'll have sex with you, but I'm really madly in love with the guy I was dating just before you because he treated me really, really bad and that made me fall in love with him. And that's a good way to ruin the relationship. I see a lot of that. I see a lot of that.
2:31🔗
Drew
I kind of thought how to ruin your life. It sort of sounds like sort of paternalistic to a son. You know, it sounds very...
2:37🔗
Ben Stein
No, no, no, it's really not aimed at him. It's aimed at grownups, a lot of grownups that I know.
2:42🔗
Drew
Well, but by the way, a lot of grownups, of course, can be benefited from that, you know.
2:46🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, no, my son is a special case. He's so incredibly good looking and physically fit that he sort of defies categorization because he's so smart and so physically fit that things come too easily to him. And I think it's not enough of a challenge. But anyway, I don't want to talk about my son. My son has a bad cold and I want him to go to sleep and get a good night's sleep.
3:16🔗
Ben Stein
Well, my son is an incredibly, unbelievably smart kid. He's really too smart for me.
3:22🔗
Drew
Nice. Now, I was reading something about your bio. And by the way, if people want to learn more about Ben Stein, it's www.benstein.com. Can they buy the books there?
3:39🔗
Ben Stein
Barnes and noble.com. I'd be honored if they did, especially How to Ruin Your Love Life. That would be a good one for people listening to this show.
3:53🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, we were having our house in Beverly Hills renovated. And I pulled in after doing an episode of Win Ben Stein's Money, actually four episodes. And I noticed as I got out of the car that two guys were walking into the garage. And I thought they were workmen who were working on the house. And then I noticed they were wearing masks. And I noticed one of them had a gun. And he said, give me your wallet. And I did. And he said, give me your watch. And I did. And then I said, please don't take my car because it has my dog in it. He said, but you can have the car as long as you don't take the dog. So then he said, get in the car and just stare straight ahead, which I did. And then they went away. But, oh no, at one point they said to me, you don't sound scared enough. And I said, I said, believe me, I'm plenty scared. And they said, well, you don't sound scared. And I said, well, I am scared. What would you like me to do to show that I'm scared? I'm scared. Anyway, and so then I went inside the house after they left to tell my wife and she started laughing.
4:55🔗
Ben Stein
I know. Well, my wife is fearless. To her, it's nothing. She has no fear of this danger.
5:08🔗
Ben Stein
I didn't like it at all. But that night, Tommy and I slept at my house, at my apartment. I have a lot of property in LA. We slept at one of my apartments in West Hollywood and with a GUN very close by.
5:27🔗
Ben Stein
Well, the dog was in the car and she didn't know. I mean, the dog doesn't know if somebody's got a gun. For all she knows, it's a sandwich.
5:39🔗
Ben Stein
I do. Oh, boy, do I do a lot of work. I am the spokesman for Clear Eyes. I'm a spokesman for Town and Country Mortgage, which is a very big mortgage lending company. Wow. I was until very recently doing commercials for Mercury, and that may be renewed. I am the spokesman for... Yeah, it's great, for the National Retirement Planning Coalition, which is a group of people concerned about the retirement of us baby boomers. And I'm also the spokesman for... What's the other thing? Oh, for a spokesman for an investment management firm called Lucia, Ray Lucia. So, and I do a lot of speeches and I keep busy, but I doubt if I earn as much money as you or your former co-host Adam, but I earn a good living.
6:26🔗
Drew
He's been saying he's a millionaire. He said he's a millionaire. Now he's officially rich.
6:34🔗
Ben Stein
Well, wait a second, wait a second. Howard Stern got big money because he was on all over the country and Howard and Adam isn't and Howard Stern had demonstrated power to draw a huge audience, which Adam does not so far. Although I will say Adam is about 1,000 times smarter than Howard Stern.
6:58🔗
Drew
And as I recall, last time you were up here, that's Anderson putting his two cents in. Last time you were up here, we had a call where we were sort of going on and on with the abuse history. Remember this? It was sort of an extraordinary call. I can't remember what the call was, but I know you were very impressed by it.
7:13🔗
Ben Stein
I can't get over your callers generally. I mean, your callers generally seem to come from another planet. On the planet I live in, a bad day is when the maid doesn't show up. But these people come from a different planet. But let's keep going.
7:29🔗
Ben Stein
I know. Well, I spend a lot of time out in the Corps of America. I travel all around the country speaking. I'm going to Monroe, Louisiana on Thursday. I spend a lot of time in North Idaho. I spend a lot of time in Rancho Mirage. I guess that's not the heart of America. But anyway, so I want to hear from some people.
7:46🔗
Drew
All right. Here we go. Let's get some of them going here. This now is Jessica's 23. For some reason, this isn't coming up. So give me one second here. One second. We're having a little bit of...
8:08🔗
Drew
Jessica? Jessica? Anderson, what's happening there? We can't get Jessica. I can't hear her if she's going.
8:19🔗
Let's try somebody else.
8:31🔗
If you don't get Deanna, we've got big problems.
8:34🔗
Drew
I have to start my whole system over again. So anyway, we can talk about you some more though.
8:42🔗
Drew
Yes, I can do that. That's what I'm doing in fact. Booting, when I was in college, booting meant vomiting.
8:56🔗
Ben Stein
Boot it means shoot heroin or else take some other kind of drug. I have never taken heroin and never will, but that is what it means. Remember the first time you booted heroin, how great you felt? No, that's sort of like what that means.
9:10🔗
You're a heroin addict.
9:12🔗
Ben Stein
That's if you use that phrase a lot, it certainly means that. I would never use heroin in a million years, never have and never would. Or methamphetamine. I still can't seem to get my cocaine or any other drug.
9:30🔗
Drew
Ah, is she on the phone? She's up. She's up. No, Jessica? Jessica? No, I depend. Can you hear Jessica?
9:56🔗
Ben Stein
Well, when I have sex with this one guy, after I orgasm, I get so tight that he can't get back in, you know, and he gets pushed out.
10:14🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, and then he can't get back in. He can't even, like, finger me to get back in.
10:29🔗
Ben Stein
Maybe it doesn't hurt you, but it might hurt him. I doubt if he likes it. Maybe he does.
10:38🔗
Ben Stein
What's the cure for this, Dr. Drew? I would think the cure for this would be booting up.
10:43🔗
Drew
Booting up is one way, I'm sure, that could get over this, but the reality is that when you... It's normal after an orgasm or during an orgasm to have vaginal contractions, okay? And some women, that can be quite powerful. In your case, there's some post-orgasmic spasm of the floor, the musculature of the pelvis, and that needs to give... You need to give some time to relax. Basically, you're overstimulated. Your body doesn't want any more stimulation at that point. How long do you think it would be before he could make another attempt at it?
11:49🔗
Ben Stein
That will create relaxation throughout your whole body. I was not going to say you should take them illegally. I was going to say you should see your sex doctor and get him to prescribe them.
12:00🔗
Drew
I don't think they would go down that path. I think just a little bit of time. I think it's a natural reaction. I think you got to give it a little time. Just like when he sometimes...
12:16🔗
Drew
Well, let me just say women have to wait for men to get their erection back. What's the big deal if he has to wait for her to sort of relax a little bit?
12:42🔗
Ben Stein
Why don't you... Have you ever thought... All right. I have another suggestion for you. All right. Do you know who Al Gore is?
12:49🔗
Ben Stein
He ran from it. Think about him while you're having sex, and that should allow you to delay the orgasm long enough for him to reach completion. And then, and then you'll be all set.
13:02🔗
Ben Stein
Well, part of the reason he lasts so long is he has a spinal injury. Oh, my. Nerve damage. And I'm actually the only person to make him come in the last two years.
13:40🔗
Ben Stein
How do you know he's not? It sounds like he is. How do you know he's not in love with you?
13:59🔗
Ben Stein
We'd like to apologize to the Federal Communications Commission for saying that. We are very sorry and we respectfully apologize to the FCC. And I've known many commissioners of the FCC in my life and they're all fine men and women and we apologize to them.
14:22🔗
Drew
Okay. But we want to talk to why she, I'm sure she wants this to be more than just friendship. Can we bring her back Anderson? She's on.
14:40🔗
Ben Stein
I don't understand this. Why are you having sex with him if you don't like him? That to me sounds like a problem.
14:45🔗
Ben Stein
I like him as a friend and I like him as a person. I'm just not really big into relationships.
14:53🔗
Ben Stein
Why? Why are you not big into relationships? I think Dr. Drew, I think here we're getting to something. You're not big into relationships, but you like to do the wild thing with him. Yet when you do the wild thing, you experience some kind of physical revulsion at doing it and are symbolically casting him out of your body while you claim that you like doing it. And yet maybe if you loved him, you would not cast him out of your body like a child casting out demons.
15:23🔗
Ben Stein
Like in The Exorcist. Why don't you fall in love with him and see? Well, wait a second. Have you ever been in love with anyone?
15:41🔗
Ben Stein
He was my first real boyfriend, I guess. I dated like three other guys, but we went roller skating for goodness sake.
15:52🔗
Ben Stein
I, well, I knew him since I was like a little kid because he was best friends with my brother.
16:04🔗
Drew
So let me sort of put the pieces together here. You were not traumatized growing up. You weren't physically or sexually abused.
16:13🔗
Drew
But I'm just going to make sure that that's not part of this because it does affect sort of how she would come to relationships.
16:19🔗
Ben Stein
All right. Will the witness will answer. Were you traumatized when you were a child?
16:56🔗
Ben Stein
Those are great stories. That has been an incredible stock. Anyway, well, let's see.
17:03🔗
Drew
Well, look, here's the deal. Something's up with her dad. That's usually what creates...
17:49🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah. He had a daughter long before I was born. And she died. I'm sorry. We were never really close, but we had like... I really liked horses and so did he. So he got me a horse.
18:05🔗
Ben Stein
Okay. Okay. Wait a second. Let me just tell you... All right. Here we go. Let me just tell you something. Your name is Deanne? Okay. Let me just tell you something. I am probably one of the oldest people you've ever talked to. I'm older than... How old is your father?
18:30🔗
Ben Stein
Well, I'm not older than your father. But I find, generally speaking, that women... Like, she just said he died.
18:38🔗
Ben Stein
Don't tell me you think that her vaginismus is going to be relevant to the cause of her father's death.
18:45🔗
Drew
No, no, no. I'm just trying to get a picture... No, no. Why she can't feel close to people. Why that's overwhelming to her. And if her dad was an addict and a truck driver, never available, that would be...
18:55🔗
Ben Stein
Well, people can feel very close to addicts. I mean, I've had many addicts in my life that I've been very close to and so have we all.
19:02🔗
Drew
Absolutely. But if it's your dad, you'll tend to only feel close to people like that. You'll tend to go for people that aren't available to you.
19:10🔗
Ben Stein
But she's not saying that he's not available to her. She says she doesn't like him that much. Let's ask this question. Why do you like horses so much? What's so great about a horse?
19:34🔗
Ben Stein
Well, I have never known a woman who was really, really into horses who was able to form a genuine attachment to a man. Oh, interesting.
19:43🔗
Ben Stein
And not only that, my psychiatrist, whom I've been going to now for 25 years, is probably the best psychiatrist in the world except for... I know you're not a psychiatrist.
19:53🔗
Ben Stein
He has said that if you find a woman who is really into horses, she's never going to be able to form a strong attachment with men. So I think you've got to choose, Deanne.
20:14🔗
Ben Stein
Okay, well then I think you've made your choice. You want men. I don't understand why you can't fall in love with this guy.
20:20🔗
Drew
Right, and this is the bottom line. Does he have bad breath? That closeness is required, you know, to be able to be in love, you have to feel comfortable in closeness and proximity to other minds, other people, to have intimacy and to be happy and fulfilled. Well, she feels close to his dick.
20:41🔗
Ben Stein
She's not feeling close to his... Anderson? Anderson? She's not feeling close to him psychologically.
20:50🔗
Drew
No, right. And that's the point. No, no, that's the point. And she had dad was unavailable, whatever, maybe or maybe not that it's something to do it. But the fact is she needs to make a commitment to finding ways to take herself into closeness because... All right, I'm putting her on hold. Still not working. Because that's what people need to be happy, right? I mean, is that simple enough?
21:10🔗
Ben Stein
I couldn't... No, it's too complicated. I could not agree more, but first she's got to just get those horses out of her mind altogether.
21:24🔗
Ben Stein
All right. Well, we love talking to you, DeAnn, and we hope that you have a good life.
21:28🔗
Drew
All right. Let's talk to line three, Anderson and Veronica. You want to go to commercial now?
21:38🔗
Bad phone line.
21:43🔗
Drew
No, we can take commercial if you want. Okay. All right. Here we are. Ben Stein with us tonight. You know him from many projects, not the least of which is Ferris Bueller, Win Ben Stein Money, Turn Ben Stein On. He is a prolific author. How to Ruin Your Life, How to Ruin Your Love Life, How to Ruin Your Financial Life are books to live by. God bless you.
22:36🔗
Drew
The phone number here is 1-800-LOVE-191. With us tonight, Ben Stein. And a lot of people know that Ben Stein is a smart guy and a prolific author, but I'm not sure everyone knows that he was a speechwriter for Richard Nixon.
22:49🔗
Drew
And Gerald Ford went to Columbia. And then Yale Law School. Did you become an attorney? Did you?
22:53🔗
Ben Stein
I was briefly a trial attorney, but I hated it. I don't like arguing. I really do not like arguing.
23:00🔗
Ben Stein
I was doing what's called trade regulation, which is a false and deceptive advertising law. And it was all, almost all of it was about a very, very large fruit flavored drink called Hi-C. And we were alleging that the advertisements were not factual. And we did not win the case. And I don't think I should have won.
23:22🔗
Ben Stein
No, I think Hi-C is good for you. As a matter of fact, I was sort of ordered to proceed with the case. I myself have always been a big fan of Hi-C, but it was a typical example of government overreaching and meddling.
23:37🔗
Ben Stein
Yes, I do. I have people ask me legal questions and I give them answers. I don't get paid for it, but I just give them advice. And I had a great time in law school. Wifey and I were in law school together, and Wifey and I used to have a lot of fun. We would get incredibly high and play bridge and cheat at bridge and just be riotously, unbelievably high. We were there at the same time as George Bush, as a matter of fact, and that was sort of the fashion then. We had a lot of fun. I had more fun in law school.
24:08🔗
Ben Stein
I met him once or twice because I was one of the people who ran the Yale Law School Film Society, and he used to come to our movies on occasion. He was a funny guy.
24:20🔗
Ben Stein
Hillary was a first year when I was a third year, and I knew her slightly, and my wife knew her a little bit. And Bill came the year after that and I didn't know him. I've never met him. He did send me an incredibly kind letter when my father died. I had a prominent father. And so I do not share the anger against him that many Republicans feel. I think he was basically a pretty good guy.
24:45🔗
Drew
Yeah, it's, and I'm not sure people around the country appreciate, Yale Law School is, that's, particularly in that period of history, top of the heap. I mean, that's where everybody wanted to go.
24:54🔗
Ben Stein
It was a very, it still is. Very, very good law school. And I had nothing but smart people around me, many much smarter than I was.
25:21🔗
Ben Stein
Okay. I like this guy and he looks at porn and he masturbates and stuff like that. And like he knows that I like him and he thinks I'm like some like innocent kind of girl and stuff like that.
25:37🔗
Ben Stein
Like I masturbate and look at porn and stuff like that too. You do? But he doesn't know that.
26:15🔗
Ben Stein
Well, what's the point of telling him? Because you want him to be your boyfriend, want him to know that you're sexually experienced, at least to some extent.
26:30🔗
Drew
Crystal, here's my basic take. It is absolutely fine that you do that. It is normal. It is healthy. It's good that you're understanding, learning about yourself. Don't get lost in all that. It can get overstimulating and your brain is still... Well, I don't know about that. Think about it, Ben. We don't really know the impact of all that pouring down on 12, 13, 14-year-olds. It may not be a big deal, but we don't know. So it's fine.
27:01🔗
Ben Stein
Are you able to help your mother clean up from dinner? Well, I mean, are you basically a responsible human being?
27:11🔗
Ben Stein
Of course she is. You get the most psych of bitches in the world calling in here. Well, that's true.
27:15🔗
Drew
We do. But Kelly, we sort of, you get the feeling, you know, when people are really sick, that you feel a certain way and she doesn't give you that feeling certainly. But here's the deal. I don't want her to feel ashamed for masturbating. Women should do that. It's fine. It's healthy. So be it. Great. But Ben, consider this. Let's take a bunch of adolescent primate chimpanzees and let's stimulate them in all kinds of crazy images that make them excited and know... And do you think that might change the trajectory of their neurobiological development? I don't know. We don't know that.
27:45🔗
Ben Stein
I don't know either, but I'm a little more puzzled by the next thing. Do you want to have sex with this other 13-year-old boy? Is that why you want to... You're thinking of telling him that you are sexually active, at least with yourself. Is that the point of it?
28:03🔗
Ben Stein
Well, so that's the real issue. I think 13 is a little old to start out. Wait, no, wait a second. I got that backwards.
28:11🔗
A little young.
28:18🔗
Ben Stein
No, they don't. They won't be listening to this. They're very sober people who got a better life. They... 13 is too young to start having sex with this guy, don't you think? I mean...
28:29🔗
Drew
Absolutely. I mean, it's really pretty young. Yes, yes. It's really pretty darn young. One thing that the current research suggests is that really the brain cannot handle until about 16 the effects of intimacy and it becomes traumatizing. It's overwhelming prior to that age. It really leaves effects. I've never met a woman who had sex before the age of 16 that didn't wish that she'd waited longer.
29:04🔗
Drew
That's a different issue. But you rarely meet a woman who says, I wish I had lost my gender earlier. Lots of guys say that, but you'll never meet a woman who will always say, I wish I had waited.
29:16🔗
Ben Stein
I have met women who wish they'd had sex earlier. I certainly met women who wish they'd had more sex. But Crystal, what do you think will happen to you if you have sex with this man? What do you think, how do you think your life will change if you have sexual intercourse with this other 13-year-old person? How will your life be different?
29:43🔗
You...
29:59🔗
Ben Stein
So you want to torture him with your young body? Is that it? I mean, what is the point?
30:15🔗
Drew
Yeah, they're seeing all these sexual images that are adult in nature, that have meaning to adults, and they're making their own meaning of it based on very primitive understanding, and it leads to trouble. Let's go to Veronica, who's 25. Veronica?
30:36🔗
Ben Stein
Yes. All right. I've been waiting to get on your show for quite some time. Every time I call, it's always busy. But anyway, I need some insight on something.
30:50🔗
Ben Stein
Well, it seems like every guy that I come across and I end up making friends with, I have to have sex with them.
31:01🔗
Ben Stein
You mean they make you do it at gunpoint or what? What do you mean you say you have to do it?
31:18🔗
Ben Stein
I was just there giving a speech. It's a really nice place. And there's a good place for ribs there, I think.
31:25🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah. Well, let me ask you a question. Give us a scenario about how the friends into lovers thing happens. I mean, you're out going to a movie, say, or having a hamburger with the guy, and then how do you next find yourself having sex with him? How does that work out?
31:47🔗
Ben Stein
Well, this weekend I went to a friend's house, went to a house party, and there was this guy that I saw from a previous party and we ended up having sex that night.
31:55🔗
Ben Stein
I know, but you didn't, and it didn't, like, stop making those noises. They're really distracting.
32:04🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, and you talked to him, did he say, like, I dig you, I want you, I need you, or did he give you drugs, or what happened? And so what drugs did he give you?
32:17🔗
No, we...
32:34🔗
Ben Stein
Wait a minute, you don't know how it happens? Are they giving you... Are they giving you... Oh, are they giving you Rohypnol? I mean, what, you don't know how it happens?
33:03🔗
Ben Stein
This is a recent thing, but it centers around like drinking. Um, that's usually how it happens.
33:21🔗
Ben Stein
I was kidding, I was making fun of Dr. Drew. So you're waiting to see your father didn't abuse you, and yet you're having sex.
33:40🔗
Ben Stein
Oh, well that's another form of abuse. That's called quiet abuse. Dr. Drew knows a lot about that. Why don't you... Okay, so I have an idea. Why don't you try not drinking for a couple of weeks and see what happens? I bet you will find you don't have quite as much sex.
33:59🔗
Ben Stein
What do you mean maybe not? Have you ever had sex with somebody you met the same night without either having the chronic or some other drug or else alcohol ever?
34:25🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, it was a college team. It wasn't a party, you were just hanging out in the dorm room.
34:33🔗
Ben Stein
You were hanging out in the dorm room, none of you was high, and you just said, let's come on dudes, let's get it on, and you proceeded to tear that hotel down. I don't get that. How did that work? That you're sitting there, you're watching a football game, and the next thing you know the guy is doing you, and you don't know how it happened?
34:52🔗
Ben Stein
You know, it could be anything from watching a movie, and then we start getting sitting closer together, and then he puts his arm around me, then we start kissing, and...
35:13🔗
Drew
Let's get to it here. Is there alcohol in your family? Are you likely to have inherited that genetic potential?
35:53🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, Friday or Saturday night. But then I go for the first of it, like I'll like go out like crazy for three months and then I won't go out. And I get this like feminazi mood. It's really weird.
36:17🔗
Drew
Yes, yes. And she acts them out sexually and then she hates them for participating with her.
36:21🔗
Ben Stein
Do you hate them for helping to humiliate you? Do you feel like you've been humiliated?
36:45🔗
Drew
Oh, absolutely. Well, you want to put it on hold? Because I've got to take commercial break.
36:57🔗
Drew
Yeah, sure, right. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, sure. Anyway, but there's one of the ways to conceptualize what's going on with her, and there are many different psychological issues, obviously, with her. But one is that this is part of an alcoholic addictive process, and one of the things that happens neurobiologically is that sex will activate that same, what's called the medial forebrain bundle that the alcohol does, and when you're in a system, when you're in a sort of a binge, where you're being driven by that system, sex and alcohol go together for some people.
37:28🔗
Ben Stein
Well, of course, because they all make you feel good, they all release that thing, those things in the blood that make you feel good. I mean, there's a reason why people have been drinking for many centuries, and people have been having sex for many centuries.
37:41🔗
Drew
Well, but when it gets out of control, we know that the mechanism in the medial forebrain takes over, and you can't use your volition the way you'd like to, because the drives intensify.
37:51🔗
Ben Stein
Well, she wouldn't be calling us if she were happy with her behavior, so we know there's something wrong. But what I wonder is, why does she get in this mood of anger at the men over something she's done herself? I mean, you've never been raped, have you, Veronica?
38:06🔗
Drew
Well, we're going to find out if Veronica's been raped. We're going to end with Ben Stein. Be sure to check out his books at amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com. It's How to Ruin Your Life, How to Ruin Your Love Life, and or How to Ruin Your Fate. I want to find out if she's been raped. Hang on. Ben, you want to put them in a little, like a threesome packet for Christmas. You know what I mean?
38:32🔗
Drew
When we return, it's 1-800-LOVE-191. When we return, we're going to find out, first of all, if Veronica's been raped. If Veronica's been raped. We'll be right back. I'm a rapist. Yep.
38:59🔗
Drew
Hey, it's Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, a very special Loveline where you are getting the benefit of the wisdom of the great Ben Stein. And in fact, we're sort of breaking one of our rhythmic rules here, which is we try to go call every three or four minutes. We're going like 12, 14 minutes.
39:17🔗
Drew
No, no, that's what I want. No, no, I like it. I'm just apologizing to people. Were you abused as a child, Dr. Drew? No, no.
39:27🔗
Drew
You know, I was abused as a co-host for a long time, and I was abused into certain sort of rhythms and things.
39:50🔗
Ben Stein
That's about right. Let me ask you a question. After you've had these sexual incidents with people who you're not really close to, do you wake up the next morning and say, God, I'm a slut and hate yourself?
40:03🔗
Ben Stein
I used to think that, like, I didn't have sex until I was 18. But I used to go through that and I was like, no, I mean, it should be okay for a woman to have sex, you know, controlled sex, you know, with condoms and birth control.
40:16🔗
Drew
Well, don't, you're convincing yourself of stuff that you weren't feeling is the problem.
40:20🔗
Ben Stein
But you, yeah, do you, that's a good point, Dr. Drew. Do you feel ashamed of yourself right now?
40:27🔗
Ben Stein
Only because my friend said something to me, my friend that went with me at that health party.
40:43🔗
No.
41:06🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, we went out for five years and all we did was have sex. There is nothing else in the relationship. And that's why we're getting divorced now, because we didn't know each other. All we did was have sex. Well, I was really addicted. Like, I've calmed down quite a bit.
41:48🔗
Ben Stein
My brothers, they had, I don't know, molested me one time. And then I had a childhood friend, which I'm thinking this could be the link to all of it. From like the age of five until the age of ten, he would always like, when we'd go over to his, like my mom would go over to their house and I'd see him, and he'd always like try and get me in his bedroom and take advantage of me. And this went on for many years, and I never told my mother about it.
42:14🔗
Ben Stein
I think this is something going on here. You are equating sex and being touched and being entered with being cared about and loved, which is not necessarily the same thing.
42:24🔗
Drew
You know what the extraordinary thing about the human being, Ben, is that when we are traumatized in childhood, we enter our adult life and reenact the same traumas over and over and over again. And of course, our culture tells you, it's cool. Why not? It's whatever you want. You're just into sex. No, it's a highly, highly dysfunctional behavior, and it needs to be treated. You are getting sexually addicted. This is the classic setup for sexual addiction. And everyone who gets into these behaviors is miserable. They're angry with themselves and ashamed. They're angry with the men for participating and reenacting these traumas. And it's a very serious situation. You've already lost one marriage because of it.
42:58🔗
Ben Stein
And the last, let's see, today is November 28th. How many men have you had sex with in the last six months?
43:14🔗
Drew
No, but listen, I'm telling you this, she's got all the earmarks of trouble here, and I suggest that she gets some help with it.
43:23🔗
Ben Stein
It's random, it really depends, like this weekend, I had, well I only had sex with one person this weekend.
43:36🔗
Ben Stein
Well, during like the sexual spurts, it could be, I could have sex with four people, four or five people over the week.
43:43🔗
Drew
Veronica, Veronica, seriously, I deal with this stuff all the time in my professional life, and you've got to get some help with this. You just see, you just see a general therapist or somebody particularly who has a history of helping people with addictions because that is what's burgeoning here. This is going to link into a chemical addiction too, eventually. And you're unhappy with this, you called us about it. Do something about it. If you want to do something that's free, go to a 12-step meeting.
44:07🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, that's just what I was going to say. There is something called Sex Addicts Anonymous. You can go to it. They give you a form to fill out and tells you whether you are, can be considered a sex addict. Do you do it to the point where you feel ashamed? Do you feel that people are making you do it? Have you ever done it when you didn't want to? Do you do it with people just so you can seem to please them? Do you ever do it even though you don't?
44:29🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, I think you should try a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and see if there is one in... Kansas City. I'm sure there is in a big city like Kansas City, which is a wonderful city, by the way. It has incredibly nice people.
45:22🔗
Ben Stein
Well, it's very pleasant down here in Southern California. Maybe you should consider moving in here.
45:34🔗
Ben Stein
I just wanted to say that, Ben Stein, you are amazing. Everything you said so far tonight, I agree with wholeheartedly.
45:49🔗
I'm a student right now.
46:05🔗
I'm thinking about Monterey.
46:07🔗
Ben Stein
Well, Adam Corolla. Well, let me just make, Adam Corolla is one who makes fun of people who go to junior colleges. I don't.
46:14🔗
Ben Stein
We respect people who go to junior colleges. And if you want to really study marine biology and also have a great time, I recommend UC Santa Cruz, which is the coolest place in the world.
46:25🔗
Drew
And by the way, when Adam was in junior colleges in the 70s, when there was sort of a wastebasket there, now some junior colleges, certain midwest and east, are really sort of, it's an honor to go there and they're tracks in the very high levels of education.
46:39🔗
Ben Stein
We have very, very good junior colleges in California. All right. Do you have a sex or love related question?
46:44🔗
Drew
No, no. I can't. I got it. This is a break I have to take on time. But Kathleen, here's the deal. You love Ben Stein so much. Here's what you got to do. How to ruin your life, how to ruin your love life, how to ruin your financial life. Those are the books. You go to Amazon, you buy. And they're now going to come in as a set for Christmas. So you can talk to Ben Stein. Some more after this break. The phone number here is 1-800-LOVE-191. Hey, there, it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, the great Ben Stein in the studio tonight. Ben, anything coming up in television for you in the near future?
47:34🔗
Ben Stein
But no plans. I actually am in the process of trying to sell a show in which I would do all different jobs to see what it was like doing jobs, like being a greeter at Walmart, being a waiter at Denny's, being a information operator, being an ambulance driver, just trying all different jobs.
47:56🔗
Ben Stein
I think we're fairly close to selling that. We shall see. A very smart friend of mine named Judith Friedman thought it up.
48:05🔗
Ben Stein
I grew up in a suburb of Washington, DC called Silver Spring, Maryland. It was a very, very, very pleasant...
48:15🔗
Ben Stein
I don't know. You mean Master Bate? No, I actually went to school with some very famous people. I went to school with Carl Bernstein, the famous Watergate reporter. He lived next door to me. And also the year after me in high school, a close friend in high school, not a really close friend, a friend, was Goldie Hawn. And then right after her was Connie Chung. And in junior high, one of my classmates was Sylvester Stallone, so lots of famous people. But it was a very nice place to grow up. Very, very nice place.
48:50🔗
Ben Stein
Well, Goldie Hawn has always been a very nice, pleasant human being. And for all I know, she still is. I haven't seen her in a few years. I used to see her occasionally at Morton's, but I haven't seen her for a long time there. Carl Bernstein and I are still close friends, and he's a very amusing guy. I mean, I disagree with him politically about as much as a person can disagree, but America is such a great country that people can still be friends, even though they disagree politically. Connie Chung is a wonderful, wonderful young woman. I guess she's not as young as she was, but she's a very lovely woman. Sylvester Stallone was a skinny, gawky kid, and he and I used to hang out at the same pizza place. And he's a great guy. I mean, these are all great people. You know, I am closer to the people I went to high school with than to the people I went to law school or college with. And when my father died, several of them came to his funeral, and they're just really wonderful people. And it was a very close-knit group at Montgomery Blair High School. And we're still close-knit 43 years after we graduated.
49:46🔗
Ben Stein
My father was an economist for a group called the Committee for Economic Development, which is a private businessman's group. And then under President Nixon, he was chairman of the Council of Economic Advisors. And that made him a member of the cabinet. And he was that briefly under Mr. Ford also. And then he became a professor at the University of Virginia. And he was on the Board of Directors of various public companies. And also a columnist for the New York Times. I'm sorry, for the Wall Street Journal for a long time. I'm the one who's a columnist for the New York Times.
50:28🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah. I feel like I'm one of those people that like overly masturbates. And I mean, I should know like if they're in like long-term like health risks, risks or like.
50:42🔗
Drew
No, you're not going to turn yourself inside out or anything like that. Though you can certainly, people do occasionally hurt themselves, their skin. You know, they actually go to the girl.
51:04🔗
Ben Stein
I'm just kidding. That's incredible. How do you have time to do anything else? What do you, what do you, right? Are you in school?
51:38🔗
Drew
Oh, poor Matt. Matt, you know, it's, it's, some male, young male, sixteen to nineteen, will do this a couple times a day. That, that's a, that for some men is a normal rate, some even three. But five times a day, you're getting sort of a compulsive range.
51:53🔗
Ben Stein
This is a drug addiction. He's addicted to the drug that is secreted when he has an orgasm. He might as well be smoking crack. I mean, this, it's not illegal. Well, maybe it is illegal. I don't think it's illegal, but it's a, maybe it is illegal. No, I don't think it's illegal, but it's, but it's, I mean, this is a, this, now Dr. Drew, you are an addiction specialist and I normally make fun of you saying that things are addictions. But this, I think we have, can call a true addiction.
52:22🔗
Drew
Well, it is if it has consequences and if the sort of the right setup is there. In other words, addiction has a genetic basis to it and so is there alcoholism in your family?
52:36🔗
Drew
No, no, you can't have addiction without the gene. And so one of the first questions I was...
52:40🔗
Ben Stein
Well, do you think he's maybe, why don't you ask your father if he's a chronic masturbator?
52:44🔗
Drew
Well, no, that's because it's a different syndrome if it's an addiction as opposed to a compulsion. And so what differentiates the addiction is the genetic potential for addiction. So is there alcoholism in your family somewhere?
53:07🔗
Ben Stein
Well, but how do you know your father is not an alcoholic? Maybe he's doing it secretly, the way you're masturbating secretly.
53:15🔗
Ben Stein
Like we've had this talk before and he said that, like, that I've been caught drinking before. My dad has told me that there is addiction in his family.
53:26🔗
Ben Stein
Dr. Drew, with all due respect to your obvious intelligence and education and experience, do you not think it is possible that he can be addicted to sex without also carrying a gene for alcoholism or drug addiction?
53:41🔗
Drew
In the definition of addiction, this is a 1992 consensus publication that was put out in the medical literature. Addiction required is a genetic disorder.
53:54🔗
Ben Stein
I don't doubt that it does, but maybe the genetic disorder is an addiction to sex and now an addiction to alcohol.
54:01🔗
Drew
Oh, absolutely, but you need to see evidence of some addictive process being passed along.
54:09🔗
Ben Stein
I mean, gee whiz, he's been masturbating five or six times a day. What more do you want to see? Do you want to see him drowning?
54:14🔗
Drew
Well, he could be bipolar. He could be manic depressive, and bipolar's do this. He could be a trauma survivor, and trauma survivors sometimes do this.
54:39🔗
Drew
Just kidding. The deal is, Matt, is you can go ahead and try to stop this if you want to. If you have consequences from it, if you have trouble functioning, if you hurt yourself physically, you said you already have a rash, and you still cannot stop in spite of attempts to do so, then that's something you may want to talk to somebody about and have a more formal evaluation.
55:02🔗
Ben Stein
Think of Al Gore every time you're thinking of masturbating. Think of Al Gore and see how that works.
55:25🔗
Ben Stein
Hi. Okay, I have a question. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about four months, and he always asks me to perform oral sex on him, but for some reason, I get... I don't know if it's I get scared. It's just like, I won't do it. And he, like, wants me to.
56:11🔗
Ben Stein
No, it has nothing, it's not that. I don't know, I don't know, it's just, I have no idea.
56:16🔗
Ben Stein
So when he says to you, when he says to you, go down on me, you think, oh I'm scared I can't do it.
56:27🔗
Drew
Oh, oh, interesting, interesting, interesting. Can you give us, can you tell us anything else? I mean, is there anything that happened to you? Anything you want to share with us?
56:40🔗
Drew
I wasn't going that way so much as did somebody ever force you to do this? You didn't want to?
56:49🔗
Raped.
56:57🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, and they, it was his second offense and they dropped the charges because alcohol was involved.
57:20🔗
Ben Stein
I would take the case, as a lawyer, I would take the case and sue the police who would not pursue the case. I think that's a gross abuse of their duty. I'm shocked at that. Could you go into the details?
57:34🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, the DA said that they couldn't do it because his lawyer would tear me apart. I've already went through so much and they didn't want to put me through anymore.
57:57🔗
Ben Stein
No, that was the only one. But what happened was he was like the all-star water polo team guy. This was in high school and he, you know, I was the slut, I was the whore and I'm trying to ruin his career. Wow.
58:25🔗
Ben Stein
My mom talked about it, but I just didn't want to go through with it. I just wanted to move on.
58:34🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, we went to the same high school, and my mom took me out and put me in a private school.
58:40🔗
Ben Stein
I just think this story really offends me very much. I think you were very badly mistreated. I'm very upset about it, to tell you the truth. I don't like it. I really don't like it. It sounds like you were really, really treated badly.
58:57🔗
Drew
But does oral sex feel like you're being forced into it in the way you were forced into the rape? Is it reminiscent in some way?
59:07🔗
Sometimes.
59:08🔗
Ben Stein
Maybe it has to do with not wanting to actually see the male body part that did the raping and see it up close and personal when you know that's the part that violated you and that's upsetting you.
59:23🔗
Drew
Or the mouth is sort of an outlet for aggression too and you kind of feel like you don't feel right. Well you might or whatever just as it feels incongruous you're feeling all these aggressive feelings.
59:35🔗
Ben Stein
You know I don't think you have to feel bad about it. I would just say to your boyfriend look I mean I'm doing you and what...
59:45🔗
Ben Stein
I'm doing you and that's good enough. Let's just take it slow and easy and we'll work it out and we'll try to explore what the problem is and we'll get through it. But please try to be patient with me. I've had a lot of brutal things happen to me.
1:00:05🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, he knows. He knows that because I've been through a lot in the past two years because I have an addiction.
1:00:14🔗
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1:00:22🔗
Drew
Okay, you need to go, that is paramount. Nothing else matters, okay? All, everything else we've been talking about pales by comparison with your heroin addiction.
1:00:29🔗
Ben Stein
I must, must, must know, do you mean to tell me that in Laguna Beach, one of the more affluent communities in California, kids are using meth?
1:00:45🔗
Ben Stein
There's nothing else to do. Well, you seem to be having sex. That's something else to do.
1:00:49🔗
Drew
I'm not going to name institutions, but I consult at the institutions in and around Los Angeles area, and they have, at the highest level institutions, huge problems of methamphetamine.
1:00:59🔗
Ben Stein
That stuns me. I am really, really shocked at that. Well, I would like to say that if you go into the 12-step program in a wholehearted, enthusiastic way, and really, really, really turn your will and your life over to God, and really, really do ask him to find the answers for you in your heart, you will get to the point where either you're comfortable doing it, or you're comfortable not doing it, and you'll just be comfortable, period.
1:01:25🔗
Drew
Tiffany, please just talk to your sponsor every day, go to meetings every day, and focus on that, okay?
1:01:33🔗
Drew
Now the way you said that, Ben, it leads me to conclude that you know lots of recovering people, because you've seen people go from caught in their disease to how comfortable they become.
1:01:48🔗
Ben Stein
The feeling of being in the program is the best feeling there is. It's an unbelievably great feeling.
1:01:56🔗
Drew
Okay, let's see. I have an interesting question. If sex addiction equals abuse, then what about people who don't have sex? All right, do you want? Yeah, I'm going to take that.
1:02:03🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, it's too complicated. That sounds like some French existentialist question.
1:02:28🔗
Ben Stein
No, I do want to talk to him. I do want to talk to him. Go ahead, Brad. We're listening very intently.
1:02:34🔗
Ben Stein
All right. My girlfriend's parents, which they're her guardians because it's her aunt and her uncle, are literally, they do not want me near her for any reason. They forced her to break up with me.
1:02:59🔗
Ben Stein
Well, I made a very foolish decision. I went to her house, like, because my parents were out in Laughlin and, you know, parents are gone. I'm going to do what I want. So I leave the house and I go to her house instead. And her parents don't know anything about it. So I'm with her. We go to her bedroom. Nothing happened. We just like we're sitting there in the bed. I was hugging her because I'm that kind of person. We're watching TV. Her aunt walks in, kind of glares at me. So we have to go to the living room. Basically, I made a really bad impression at first. And then my parents came home that day and I was still there. And they called me up and yelled at me. And I turned my phone off because I was upset with them.
1:03:46🔗
Ben Stein
My son is a very, very good boy. So I'm just pointing out that the fact that someone does that doesn't make him a bad boy. My son's a good boy and he does that.
1:03:57🔗
Ben Stein
My parents actually somehow found where I was, picked me up and took me home, which since I disrespected Allora's guardians, which that's her name, Allora, by...
1:04:13🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, Allora is her first name. I defied her, my parents in their house, it's a major show of disrespect, which I understand. And then the very next day, me and Allora decided to start dating and she came to my house just because like she didn't want to go home yet. So she came to my house, we talked about it and we kind of got all the details worked out because like we knew that her parents were not going to be happy with me.
1:04:50🔗
Ben Stein
Well, it sounds to me like you're behaving very respectfully. I don't get it. What's the problem?
1:04:55🔗
Ben Stein
I don't get it either. But what I need to know is how would I regain any small amount of trust with her parents? Because at this point, they want to move her to a different school to get her away from me. Wow.
1:05:07🔗
Ben Stein
I would write them a letter and I would say, Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jones or whatever their name is, I know I made a bad impression on you. I'm terribly, terribly sorry. It means more than anything else in my life right now to make that impression better. Please tell me anything I can do. Whatever it is, I will try to do it if it's within my power. And I totally apologize for whatever I've done in the past. And please be in touch with me. I want to be respectful to you. I do respect you. And I would like to get that across to you.
1:05:40🔗
Drew
I hope you're recording this. You grovel like that. But one question I have, in addition to apologizing like that, is there anything we should know about you that they're reacting to? Do you have tats? Do you have long hair? Do you present yourself in a way that makes them frightened? Do you have a reputation in town? What's going on?
1:06:07🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, I've been in a lot of fights, but I haven't been in a fight in three years. No, never in jail.
1:06:21🔗
Ben Stein
I've been trying to stay out of fights. I nearly got one recently, but stupid pressure.
1:06:38🔗
Ben Stein
You know, Dr. Drew is making a very good point, Brad. I think if you actually made yourself look better, changed your appearance so that you started looking like an Ivy Leaguer and looking like a straight shooter, then I bet they'd start respecting your authority.
1:06:54🔗
Drew
Walk the walk a little bit. And then also I hope you record everything Ben said because that will get through to them. Ben Stein in here tonight. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE191. We're going to talk to somebody after the break who wants to thank Ben for bringing up University of California Santa Cruz. So we will talk to them. We'll talk to them. In the meantime, I want everyone to run to Amazon and order either or all of How to Ruin Your Sex Life, How to Ruin Your Love Life.
1:07:32🔗
Drew
God bless you. This is 1-800-LOVE191 and we'll return with Ben Stein. That's right. It's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE191. Ben Stein in studio. We're hawking books tonight. How to Ruin Your Life, Ruin Your Love Life, Ruin Your Financial Life. Get that trilogy. Modern Day Hobbit, I tell you.
1:07:50🔗
Drew
Better. Hey, you know, people don't know or may not remember that I was on your show, Turn Ben Stein On.
1:08:01🔗
Drew
Oh, no kidding. And we still have a tape of singing on your show. Here it is. Remember this?
1:08:20🔗
Drew
That's good, you did sing. It was the only time I've ever sung publicly, at least on the media.
1:08:28🔗
Drew
You gave me that great pianist. It worked out. I think that was awesome. You did great. All right, enough of that. Enough. Okay, enough. Dr. Drew in the hissy. Thank you. Here's somebody who says we gave horrible advice. You want to take that one?
1:08:46🔗
Drew
Well, let's first talk to Ben, Carly rather, who's a junior at University of California Santa Cruz. Carly?
1:08:52🔗
I'm a junior, actually.
1:08:55🔗
Sophomore. It's okay, then.
1:08:59🔗
I love you both. You're both pimp. Anyways, I was at Kresge back in the day.
1:09:05🔗
Yeah, I actually got kicked out.
1:09:10🔗
It was just a bunch too much partying.
1:09:11🔗
They got really strict at Santa Cruz.
1:09:19🔗
No, I'm not in housing any longer.
1:09:24🔗
Ben Stein
Let me tell you what it was like when I... I used to be a teacher at UC Santa Cruz. Did you know that? And I was in Porter. It was then called College Five. We used to have every Friday night the slip and slides. Do you know about the slip and slides?
1:09:37🔗
No, what's that?
1:09:38🔗
Ben Stein
Well, you know, the dorms there have long, narrow halls and a guy named Larry Wilson would take these big, enormous sheets of plastic and make little river beds in the halls and then he would fill them with warm water and mineral oil and then we would all get naked and slip and slide around in them. And then some kids would drop acid and go down to the mud baths down near Big Sur. What?
1:10:07🔗
The cave?
1:10:09🔗
Ben Stein
No, down near, I think they were called the mud baths. I don't know if they're there anymore. Down near Big Sur and watch the sunrise while tripping their brains out.
1:10:20🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, that's the way it was there. In those days, when I was there, there was so much reefer being smoked that the dorm would be like in a constant haze of reefer smoke. And I was constantly going from room to room telling people to stop smoking the joint. And they would put it out. And then as soon as I left, they'd light it up again. I mean, it was just incredible. Everybody there was high all of the time.
1:10:45🔗
Caller
Actually, that just really sparked what I was going to ask you is that I know that you, well, what I've heard is that you're conservative.
1:11:01🔗
Ben Stein
I didn't go. I was a teacher there, but I was the only Republican there. I was there during the 1972 election, which you don't even dimly remember. And there were 1497 votes cast for McGovern and three for Nixon. One was me, one was my girlfriend, and one was a Vietnam vet. And after a while, they started persecuting me so much for being a Republican that I left and went back to Washington. Wow. But I do love it. I was just there. I was just there less than 10 days ago. I drove up to Porter, walked across the footbridge over to the team in science buildings, walked down the path to McHenry Library, walked up to the art buildings, walked through the drama buildings, walked back to Porter.
1:11:46🔗
Ben Stein
At midnight, at midnight, while the full moon streamed down, I had a great time. It was one of the happiest nights of my life.
1:12:05🔗
Ben Stein
All right. Well, thank you, Carly. You know what's the coolest place in Santa Cruz? It is besides the University of Ome, which is an incredibly good Chinese restaurant.
1:12:12🔗
Where is it?
1:12:24🔗
Drew
And this now is... Here's Shannon, who has issues with some of the advice we gave. Shannon, 23. Good. What's up?
1:12:31🔗
Caller
Hey. Yeah. The little kid that... Oh, he was sad with his dad or mom or girlfriend's parents or whatever it was.
1:12:40🔗
Caller
And you told him to cut his hair, become Ivy League and whatever. What do you think? The girl liked him for being all punky and he had anger issues and he was all cute and whatever. Now, when he changes and she leaves him for changing into an Ivy League guy, he's going to go crazy and...
1:13:04🔗
Ben Stein
So she'll still like him. I mean, she'll know that he's still psycho inside. And she'll still like him.
1:13:11🔗
Ben Stein
Well, he's 15 too. I mean, he asked us a question, Shannon. How could he improve his appeal to our parents? We answered the question. The answer clearly is not to remain as he is, because the parents detest him as he is. So that's not an option. The only option is to change.
1:13:29🔗
Caller
It's not going to happen at 15. I liked your idea of a letter. I think that was really sweet. He changes as a parent. She's just like, oh my God, all of a sudden, what is he now? He's an Ivy League little guy and it's no longer fun for her. She's 15, it's all the rebels.
1:13:43🔗
Ben Stein
She hasn't even done him. I mean, for gosh sakes, she hardly knows him. She can still learn to like him even if he's... Look, there's many, many, many mass killers look to Ivy League, so she can still like him.
1:14:15🔗
Oh.
1:14:28🔗
Caller
Oh, you're thinking of sex now? You're in Southern California. You're thinking of politics?
1:14:37🔗
Drew
But, Shannon, I'm concerned about how you sort of perceive man and what way you think about man.
1:14:41🔗
Ben Stein
Yeah, you think that they have to be bad boys in order to like them. They don't have to be bad.
1:14:50🔗
Ben Stein
I know, but he can still be a bad boy and look like a good boy, so that way he gets all the bases. He gets the parents to like him.
1:14:58🔗
Drew
And by the way, you have a grave misconception, Shannon, about what it means to be a bad boy. The perception, the misperception that young women have is that that's a man that's going to be powerful and protect you when, in fact, all that chaos and aggression gets turned on you. That's always the way it plays out. I'm sure you know that if you've been in these relationships.
1:15:18🔗
Caller
No, I'm not attracted to bad boys. I just know that what kind of boys are you attracted to? I'm attracted to girls.
1:15:29🔗
That is really rare.
1:15:32🔗
Ben Stein
You're attracted to girls and you're calling up to yell at us men, and you're in Northern California. Something really wacky is going on. I'm going to guess you're a Democrat. Am I right? Am I right about that? Or are you a big?
1:15:46🔗
Caller
You're probably a huge fan of George. I'm actually a little agnostic in the political arena.
1:16:07🔗
Ben Stein
My question is, when I have sex, it doesn't do anything for me. I don't get off sexually. I mean, I don't even want to make any noise. I just want to lay there and get it over with. I want to know what I can do to try to maybe change that. I mean, it's like, I don't even have the thought really of even wanting to have sex. I just do it because, you know, I'm in a relationship and I know that he wants it, even though I don't really want it.
1:16:39🔗
Ben Stein
A lot of what I do remember as a child, cause I really like blocked it out, is everything bad. My mother was a meth addict.
1:16:50🔗
Ben Stein
Oh my God. And, well, small wonder you've learned to totally suppress your feelings. It must have been unbearable to have a methadone addict as your mother. I am very sorry. Melissa, is that your name? Yes. I am really sorry. That is a really, really tough, tough road to hoe. I am very, very sorry.
1:17:31🔗
Ben Stein
She was married to my father. He left when I was little. I guess he wasn't very nice to me anyways. He was always saying that me and my brother weren't his children.
1:17:42🔗
Ben Stein
Oh, Melissa, you have really been through the mill. I am very, very sorry. That is really, really bad stuff.
1:17:52🔗
Drew
And when you've been through stuff, it's awful. I'm glad that it's sort of offering you some empathy.
1:17:57🔗
Ben Stein
I'm very, very sorry. Do you belong to any kind of group or therapy program where you get support?
1:18:04🔗
Ben Stein
No. I've thought about going before, but I feel like a total nut job myself mentally.
1:18:13🔗
Ben Stein
I feel like if I talk about it to somebody, they might go, oh wow, she's really crazy.
1:18:18🔗
Ben Stein
I want to give you a suggestion. You qualify very richly to be a member of Al-Anon, which is an organization for people whose parents or other, someone close to them, doesn't have to be a parent, is an alcoholic or drug addict. And the amount of support you will get and the amount of comradeship and sharing of people who are telling you that they've been in the same place you're in will really bring tears to your eyes. And after you've been doing it for a while, you'll feel like you're part of a very, very big fellowship.
1:18:49🔗
Drew
And please get a sponsor there and work the steps so you can learn to be close and open with another person. And then with women, especially, intimacy is sort of, for many women, a necessary part of feeling sexual. And if you can't tolerate closeness, it's very hard to be sexual. On top of that, if you again can't regulate your emotions, one of the things that gets caught up or sort of disintegrated from your emotional system is your body. And so the body becomes disconnected. You can't feel things. You don't connect up with it. And it's very hard to feel sexual. And so it becomes very important that you do this.
1:19:21🔗
Ben Stein
May I ask you a question? I want to ask you a question. This is a serious suggestion, Melissa.
1:19:30🔗
Ben Stein
I recommend... No, cat is a good idea. I think you should get a good sized dog, like a German short-haired pointer or a Dalmatian or a... And hug that dog a lot, sleep in bed with that dog like that. Stop that, stop that, stop that. Seriously, lying in bed, hugging the dog, and little by little, feelings of warmth and able to connect will come to you. I'm not kidding, I'm seriously not kidding.
1:20:04🔗
Ben Stein
I'm a bit of an obsessive compulsive when it comes to animals. I don't really like them anymore, cause every animal I had died of some sort of weird illness, and I get where I don't like the hair around. It's like I stress out, I have lint rollers everywhere. I don't like stains on my clothes. I mean, I went through a lot of stuff as a child, including being shoved under an oily car, cause my mother was like tripping out, thinking that people were after her and different things like that.
1:20:30🔗
Ben Stein
Oh God, Melissa, I am so sorry. I am really, really, really sorry. May I ask your occupation?
1:20:39🔗
Ben Stein
I am really sorry. You have really been through the mill and my heart goes out to you.
1:20:47🔗
Drew
You can. You can get better with this. It doesn't, you don't have to suffer with something.
1:20:57🔗
Drew
Let's take a break about this part. We've got someone coming up who always hooks up with married men like that one, don't you, Ben? That's a good one. Addicted to porn, but that's a male. You won't like that, Ben. So, okay, we'll go to the girl that's hooking up with married guys. Alright, Ben Stein's in with us tonight. How to Ruin Your Life, How to Ruin Your Love Life, How to Ruin Your Financial Life and it says several others. What are your other books, your other titles?
1:21:24🔗
Drew
Well, I've actually read your books and they're very funny and very rich and I do recommend them. So I hope people will, in fact.
1:21:35🔗
Ben Stein
The one that people should get is called Ludes. It's about quailhood addiction and I think it's a pretty strong book about why people become drug addicts.
1:21:43🔗
Drew
Oh, interesting. All right. It's 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. It will be right back with Ben Stein. Ben Stein in the studio tonight. Win Ben Stein's Money, Turn Ben Stein On, and of course, Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
1:22:03🔗
Ben Stein
Well, I do that about every third week on CBS Sunday morning with Osgood and I love that show. Thank you. Yeah, I get a tremendous response for that. I also do a commentary on the stock market on Saturday mornings on Fox News.
1:22:42🔗
Drew
Well, they're putting money up for me right now. I want to see if it's a girl. So I want to keep you happy tonight. And there's a young male we're going to talk to first.
1:22:58🔗
I was raped by my dad about six months ago.
1:23:03🔗
I was raped by my father.
1:23:11🔗
Well, he, he, he's in the circus in this vocal circus. And he has this persona, like a clown character he plays, that he calls Benny Stufi.
1:23:25🔗
Drew
Okay. This is some bogus. This is some bogus thing. You want me to let him finish it? Should we let him finish it or do you? No. Okay. That was too wild. All right. Now we got somebody named Jody, who is 21. Jody, what's up?
1:23:41🔗
Caller
Hi. I was on a dirt bike a couple weeks ago and I crashed and I got some really bad road rage or road rash and I was just wondering, is it normal to get like an infection, like a bunch of pimples coming out? I mean, is that a normal infection or is that something else completely?
1:24:05🔗
Drew
If there is infection, that needs to be treated, right? That means a staff or a strap has gotten in your skin.
1:24:19🔗
Drew
You have to have a doctor take a look at this. If your abrasion has become infected, that's a very serious thing. Very serious. Flesh-eating bacteria, that's how that gets going. So you need to go see somebody right now. I mean, like maybe tonight, you have fever, chills or anything like that. Well, hang on, a fever, chills, anything like that?
1:24:42🔗
Ben Stein
I think you better go to the doctor right away and have him give you lots of antibiotics.
1:24:46🔗
Drew
I agree. Unfortunately, one thing I've learned by doing this show is that people do not understand how to describe rashes. So red dots and all that. Where are these?
1:24:55🔗
Caller
It's actually on my back. Basically, it's like a bunch of scrapes and stuff. I was on a dry lake bed and I-
1:25:02🔗
Drew
I understand that you have abrasions on your back, but you called about something that's sort of an epiphenomenon, something that's around that.
1:25:14🔗
Ben Stein
I don't see what this has to do with Lovelines with all due respect, with the greatest possible respect.
1:25:19🔗
Drew
It needs to be examined by someone immediately. A pustular reaction again, that's infection to prove it otherwise.
1:25:27🔗
Aaron.
1:25:30🔗
Caller
I had this girlfriend for a little while and when she would come over, I never get any sleep because we just do it all night.
1:25:40🔗
Caller
Yeah, after about three or four days of her being here, though, the skin below the head of my penis was dry and scaling off.
1:26:04🔗
Caller
Well, I'm just wondering what that was because I pretty much, I'm not seeing her now, just it didn't work out, but I know she's been to the gynecologist. So I'm wondering, is that just from too frequent or?
1:26:19🔗
Ben Stein
How old are you? How old are you? My God, you have a lot of stamina. What's your job?
1:26:42🔗
Caller
I clean them and feed them and just basically haul them around to schools and he runs a nitty-gritty program.
1:26:59🔗
Ben Stein
I don't know what... I don't see what the problem is here. I mean, you might have an infection. You should see a doctor.
1:27:07🔗
Ben Stein
I think you should be very, very grateful that you have such incredible sexual stamina.
1:27:13🔗
Drew
I guess maybe sounding and acting and living like a teenager, you keep the physiology going. Laura, eighteen.
1:27:27🔗
Ben Stein
I've recently been with a couple of guys, and all three have had the same problem, and that is that while we were doing stuff, be it sex or just fooling around with clothes on, they've lost their erection. And I can't help but think it's me. They've all told me that they're used to having sex with condoms, or to sex without condoms, and condoms are like preventing them from maintaining their erections.
1:27:58🔗
Ben Stein
I don't think they're lying. I will just tell you, since I'm older than Dr. Drew, I don't know how old are you, Dr. Drew?
1:28:05🔗
Ben Stein
I'm 13 years older than, 14 years older than Dr. Drew, that it is a commonplace among men that condoms make them lose their erection, and I know that they're incredibly important for the prevention of sexual disease, but these guys are not lying when they're telling you that condoms take away their erection. This is not true for all men, but it is a commonplace, and I don't think they're lying to you.
1:28:30🔗
Drew
I actually tell those men, because there are those guys that have this effect, that they need to, first of all, practice putting condoms on, because sometimes just the fact of stopping the rhythm of the flow of sex is enough to cause a guy to lose erection. So you gotta practice putting them on quickly, but also masturbate with it on, so you get used to the feeling of it, and really start to understand what kind of stimulation needs in order to reach climax with a condom on, because it is something that guys need. As you know, they aren't gonna have sex with you unless they have a condom on, right?
1:28:58🔗
Ben Stein
Now, are they, is there something going on there? Are you like saying something to upset them, like get that condom on, you loser, or something like that?
1:29:18🔗
Ben Stein
You know, it's even in two of the occasions, you know, sex has, you know, gotten underway, and then all of a sudden, you know, switch of position or something, and it's...
1:29:28🔗
Ben Stein
Well, you know, you shouldn't... I wouldn't switch positions. I think that's a mistake. Why did you feel you had to switch positions?
1:29:48🔗
Ben Stein
No, actually, I'm not. I kind of learn that from you guys. I deal with it, but certain positions do feel better than others.
1:29:55🔗
Ben Stein
Well, why don't you... Why don't you try this? Why don't you not ask them to change positions? Just wait till they have reached their climax and then have them play with you till you come and then you'll be all set and they'll be all set.
1:30:12🔗
Ben Stein
Sounds like a plan. And I'm definitely going to suggest the masturbating thing. Thank you, guys.
1:30:17🔗
Drew
Yeah, I think that's a good idea for guys. Yeah, and practice putting them on drilling, drill putting the thing on. I mean, that's really what the guys need to do. And the whole business of it.
1:30:33🔗
Drew
They have to jump down a pole and put the thing on and go back. No, I think it's just something that guys need to sort of not talk out of.
1:30:44🔗
Drew
But they got to actually practice this because it is such an important thing. And it's just to cop out on it and say, well, it's not for me.
1:31:09🔗
Drew
All right, man, we got to take yet another break. Ben Stein with us tonight. The trilogy of How To Ruin Your Life, How To Ruin Your Love Life, How To Ruin Your Financial Life are the must haves for Christmas this year. So go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble. You can also check out more about Ben at www.benstein.com. Look for him on CBS, Sunday Morning, CBS Sunday Morning, and also on I was just on this past Sunday.
1:31:31🔗
Drew
All right, look for him on that show. That's a good show. And we'll be right back. Well, Ben, that about does it for Loveline. Thank you very much.
1:31:53🔗
Drew
Let's bring you right back. I would love to have you back soon and maybe spend a few nights with us. It'd be fun.
1:32:02🔗
Drew
I hope Loveline listeners will all show him a little love and buy some of his books because they're well worth the investment both of time and money. They really are. They're really quite full of wisdom. And so I have to say good night at this point, Ben, and it's been good spending time with you.
1:32:23🔗
Ben Stein
Did you smoke the Kronik? What did you smoke? The Kronik? Huh? Did he have a good stash?
1:32:31🔗
Ben Stein
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.