1:20🔗
Voiceover
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Hard to speak with that in the background.
1:33🔗
That is scary.
1:34🔗
Adam
It is Loveline, we have a very ghoulish Halloween edition. Fiona Horn is here, almost an apple. Fiona Horn is here. She's a bonafide witch. When I say bonafide, I mean you'd like to boner. She's hot. Don't believe me? She's in Playboy this month. Or last month or whatever month they're in. I mean, we're in October, but Playboy is in November 2011. Yes, they inch up three weeks every month. Looking good, looking naked. Welcome to the show, Fiona.
2:04🔗
Fiona Horne
Thank you. It's sky-clad, actually. Clad by the sky in a pure and perfect state. We consider the naked body to be a sacred expression of the divine force. So we call it sky-clad, not nude.
2:28🔗
Adam
Little chi relief. Chi waist gait, that's what I call it. Blow off a little of that extra steam. Fiona is a Wiccan, and that's why we have her in here. But every time I talk to the Wiccans, it always ends up just being about recycling.
2:49🔗
Adam
No, there isn't. But they should be called husky lesbians who recycle, not Wiccans. You know what I'm saying? I'm looking for some eye of newt, wing of bat kind of thing.
2:57🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, I actually just call myself a witch. The books I write are sort of based in the philosophy and teachings of Wiccan traditions and I guess lessons and stuff. But I'm more eclectic than that. I think witchcraft is something that honors nature as sacred. We recognize a goddess as well as a god. The spells and rituals we do are to help and heal, which makes it all very relevant in current days. But I like getting a little bit magical and a little bit messy with my magic.
3:22🔗
Adam
You know, it strikes me that the witch and the Wiccan thing is sort of like the... Well, I was trying to think about it. It's sort of like the Arab religions where it's like you guys do a lot of... Well, you know, here's what I'm saying is there's sort of like the Muslims, which is you're like, hey, man, quit blowing people up. And then when you talk to them, it's like, hey, man, we're just about unity and brotherly love. And the Wiccans are the same thing. It's like, you know, I picture you guys, you know, with the big iron brew kettle and riding a broom and doing all that stuff.
4:00🔗
Adam
Just saying when you talk to them, then it gets disappointing. They're not about blowing people up. You know what I mean?
4:07🔗
Adam
Yeah, I'd like you to be evil. Well, just one day out of the year, at least, Halloween. Can you do any potions, any things? Come on, Drew the Stink Eye or something, would you? Put a pox on him?
4:21🔗
Adam
Make his penis fall off and run around and I'll chase it with Fly Swatter. Yeah. I mean, if you wanted to get a guy to like you, well, not you, because you're attractive, but I mean, if one of your...
4:35🔗
Fiona Horne
It makes it worse if you're attractive, because guys think they're intimidated by you, and I've been single for so many years now. It's quite extraordinary.
4:47🔗
Fiona Horne
I thought I'd definitely pick up when I was in Playboy, and I didn't. Not for the whole month.
4:51🔗
Adam
A lot of hot chicks talking about guys being intimidated by them. And you could make that argument like saying, well, a guy just want to drive a Ferrari. It's too nice. You'd be worried it'd get scratched. But that doesn't mean there's not a waiting list for Ferraris.
5:12🔗
Fiona Horne
The odd thing is I didn't actually put it out there that they're intimidated. They've told me recently when it's like, well, you're single. Why are you single? And I'm kind of like, I don't know. I focus a lot on work, you know, and I prioritize that. And they say, oh, you probably intimidate guys because, you know. And I used to sort of put myself down and think, oh, there's something wrong. But then I just decided I'm over qualified for 90 percent of the guys in Hollywood anyway.
5:38🔗
Adam
Well, all right. So you're single. And could you if you say, let's say you want to Drew to fall in love with you and fall under your spell. Is there something you could do to him?
5:48🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, I'm going to be really boring. So that breaks one of our laws, which is you don't need to fear with another person's free will. But you can certainly do spells and put energy out there to attract something to you that you want.
5:58🔗
Fiona Horne
By defining it with your will. Magic works with the intent you feel it. So you focus on a goal and then you use certain objects of the natural world, whether it be crystals or certain herbs, certain colors or certain phases of the moon. And you understand the alignment of all this. And in putting together a spell or a ritual, it becomes like a magnet that draws you to your goal. Or you...
6:26🔗
Adam
No, that's why we invented roofies. We don't have time for stars to align. We got to knock the chick out and get to hump it.
6:33🔗
Fiona Horne
I'm amazed, actually. I teach for the Learning Annex quite a bit. Like, I do courses in witchcraft, especially this time of year. And I'm surprised at the amount of men that attend the classes now.
6:41🔗
They're trying to get laid.
6:43🔗
Adam
They know there's feeble-minded, attractive women there that care. Well, easy prey, easy prey. All they have to do, all that guy has to do is go to Learning Annex class. And I think guys are finally starting to understand that if you want to get laid, don't be the captain of the football team. That's a bunch of dudes. Go take the dance class. It'll be you and 30 chicks. It'll be you a gay guy and 30 chicks. And you'll get, you have your pick of the litter. It's finally starting to dawn on guys. So this is the strategy. Go down learning. If I have a night, if I have like an 18 year old son, I'm just going to be like, son, you need to get laid. Go down to learning annex and go, no, no, you're not, no, you're not taking how to turn wooden balls with Rob Reiner. Go down to the, take the hot witch class, sit there. And then all you got to do is sit behind some chick and pretend to cry halfway into something. Believe me, guys, you'll be, you'll be drinking coffee at the end of the next scene. There'll be numbers exchanged and then I have Newt and Seaman of Nutt.
7:55🔗
Fiona Horne
No, I just, I avoid that word. Spiritual meaning I, I, I don't sort of have a, a system of beliefs that's fixed in one, one way or one approach. There's no one book written about witchcraft, in my opinion. Some relate to witchcraft as a religion and particularly Wicca, which is considered the religion of witchcraft.
8:14🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, it's the origins. It's quite nebulous and vague. I mean, really sort of Gerald Gardner in the late 40s, early 50s, when it started to forge.
8:22🔗
I thought 3000 years ago.
8:24🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, some, some people say the, the origins of what we do draw on the Celtic traditions and the, you know, the, I guess, shamanic and spiritual practices of the Teutonic tribes of Northern Europe. And we're going back, you know, pre-Christian times now into the Pagan era. But again, it's all, I don't really think the origins of what we do is so important as much as what the spiritual path of witchcraft and Wicca is doing now. And it's answering the questions people are asking now. And it's, like we're saying, it's environmentally aware, it honors the feminine, as well as the masculine principle of divinity. It reveres sex as sacred, the naked body is nothing to be ashamed of. If God managed to be naked, we would have been born that way.
9:00🔗
Adam
That's right. That's what I say. We would have been born in a jumpsuit with waiters on. Yeah. Now that's all that's all rap the guy's using when he's sitting in there amongst the wiccan chicks. Hey man, it's natural. You're not uptight, are you? Certainly. You're not born again, are you baby? Of course not. Let's get it on. I'll see you in hell.
9:19🔗
We'll meet in hell.
9:20🔗
Adam
Let's get nude. Yeah. Now that's a great, I mean, if you're just looking for a segment of the populace to see if you can bring home and screw, I think, the witch segment over at the Learning Annex is the way to go. Yeah. To the Learning Annex is crazy. You're thumbed through the back of the penny saver and they have big name people and they're just teaching these little classes out in Recita. I think what it is is I think people are flattered. Like if you said to me, hey Adam, we want you to give a little symposium on what it's like to be funny. I'd be like, okay, where is it? Well, it's at the Hawthorne Y. It's Sunday. It's got to start at 6 a.m. and you have to pay $20 to be 11 people. But it's a symposium. I have to tell people how come I'm funny. And they'll be like, yeah, okay.
10:10🔗
Adam
I'll be there. There's in there an element, not with the wic in. But I'm talking about, they really do get like Rob Reiner to sit down and talk to eight people about directing.
10:22🔗
Adam
And all these people, by the way, are not other filmmakers or anything. Just, you know, a guy works at the pottery barn out in Canahoe and he just wants to check out Rob Reiner, see how fat he is in real life. And they just do it. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. Drew, anyone ask you to do a learning ad? They do? What are you looking? You want to know what the big is? What are you looking for?
10:52🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, you know what? It actually is, especially as an Australian, and the Learning Annex has, you know, not to put too much of a plug on it, but it has a reasonably prestigious reputation because it does get those very high quality speakers and people that have accomplished great things, and it's an opportunity to just, you know, bypass the really expensive courses and really get to people who maybe don't have the opportunity to, you know, hear people at this speak or whatever. I mean, when I do my witchcraft, if I help someone with a spell or a ritual, I don't charge. No, I say it's a privilege to help people, not a job.
11:23🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, if someone approaches me, I don't advertise, but sometimes if someone has a problem, like I've been approached to help sell houses, help mend marriages, all sorts of things, and I consider it a privilege, like I said, so I don't charge money, but when what I do helps the person, I ask them to make a donation of charity, or if they don't have money, to donate some of their time. But I've helped some fairly high-profile people, and their donations have been quite sizable.
11:52🔗
Fiona Horne
Yes. Well, actually, I work as, I mean, if I get a royalty for a book or a television show, I'm in, or a movie I've done as an actor, I get paid, sure, but I don't charge to do my witchcraft.
12:12🔗
Fiona Horne
Do you think it's haunted or spook? I mean, it's Halloween, so we should be talking spooks and ghouls. I mean, I help people with exorcisms and things like that. Do you think that would help solve your house?
12:26🔗
Adam
No, no, this is... It's my dad's old house, so whoever moves in there is bound to lose their motivation, their energy, and their will to work and live. I could see the lawsuit. The guy was a bustling, busy, motivated attorney, and then he moves into an ex-pop Corolla's house, and all of a sudden all he wants to do is read books and sit in his underpants on the sofa all day. Imagine that, not attend his son's football games. Imagine that. Drew, do you think there's such a thing?
13:03🔗
Yeah.
13:17🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, various herbs that we think when we burn them, the smoke can work to cleanse the space. And actually growing up in Australia, I had the privilege of spending some time with the Australian Aborigines in Arnhem Land and they would burn eucalyptus leaves if someone died or there's a bad energy around and there's a very heavy dense smoke would be sensed to congeal to the energy and you could blow it away.
13:39🔗
Adam
You got to look at that Aborigine culture and go, they're winners. Look at them. Almost not a two story hut between the 20 million of them over there.
13:49🔗
Adam
It's awesome. Here's all I'm saying. Why do we look at cultures that don't do anything and go, wow, they really got it nailed.
13:55🔗
Fiona Horne
Because they don't need to do anything. They just exist. They are. They're kind of at peace the way they are.
14:00🔗
Adam
It's called being stupid. They sleep on dirt. That's all I'm saying. Like we do that, oh, it's the wisdom of the Orient. No, no, they're just a couple of thousand years behind. You see, they don't use modern medicine and tools. I know, because they don't have it. That's why. They don't use it because they're stupid. They're way behind. You see, they believe they can heal with herbs. Yeah, because they don't have Upjohn and Pfizer and all the companies that make stuff that works. They got a bunch of old crap. You understand? It's really like looking at somebody. It's like looking at Amish people and go, they don't have internal combat. I know, they got wagons and donkeys. That's what they got and weird beard.
14:41🔗
Adam
Yeah, they got good cheese. I'll give them that. But all I'm saying is, I'm just tired of all these other cultures being held up as sort of goals. We could attain those goals if we just, you know, knock down every power plant.
14:55🔗
Fiona Horne
I think it's interesting to give a nod to the kind of the origins of where we're at now. That's what I find really interesting about witchcraft, that you can kind of embrace an archaic sense of the past, a natural approach to healing and a spiritual approach to life that isn't bound by a religious kind of doctrine. And still enjoy technology and the internet, and there's more online covens than offline covens now. The witchcraft community is really active on the internet.
15:31🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, again, magic works with the intent you fuel it, so you would have to be prepared to suspend disbelief, fear, and even cynicism, Adam, just for probably ten minutes while I did the ritual, and be prepared to accept something extraordinary happening. And if that was possible, then maybe, indeed, it could be. The world answers according to the questions you ask of it.
15:48🔗
Adam
The last smudging in that house took place in 1983 when my stepmom kicked me out of the garage.
15:58🔗
Drew
That's when she kicked your ass out, you landed on your ass, you bounced a couple times.
16:01🔗
Adam
There's a bad energy in this house. Yeah, it's your son. He's in the garage. All right, let's get him out. Awesome. Dad's such a puss. Jason?
16:13🔗
Hello?
16:19🔗
Hey, what's going on? Oh, Jesus Christ, it's the first time I've ever gotten through the year.
16:26🔗
Just do it! My question for Dr. Drew. I guess you could kind of say I'm into necrophilia. And I just wonder what causes that? What happened? What would have to happen to me when I was younger that I would be into?
16:47🔗
Okay, well, when I have sex with my girlfriend, you know, sometimes I like to, you know, have sex a little rough, you know, I'll grab her face or I'll put my hand around her throat. And there's a time where I just start to strangle her or smother her and I can just, I can kill her and I can honestly say that I would just keep going at it even after she's dead and I have absolutely no problem with that. Just the idea of there being a motionless lifeless body and I'm just like taking over and controlling it. Just something about that.
17:18🔗
Drew
The simplest way to understand that is sort of unregulated aggression. That's really the best way to understand. They're the simplest way to understand that and I would imagine that that degree of aggression expressed through sexuality would suggest some sort of violence perpetrated against you.
17:39🔗
Yeah. I've been with my girlfriend for about three years and eight months now.
17:50🔗
Nothing that I can remember. I mean, when I was younger, I was hit with a belt for discipline reasons.
17:57🔗
Yeah, but I can never think of a reason that I didn't deserve it. I might have hit my sister, pushed my brother down.
18:02🔗
Drew
Absolutely. When an adult strikes a child, to the degree that he or she feels that they are in danger, that has a profound effect on the development of the brain.
18:15🔗
Drew
There's no such thing as a circumstance where a child deserves or benefits from being hit.
18:22🔗
Adam
Well, you said yourself, if they run out in the street or do something that puts themselves in danger.
18:27🔗
Drew
To get their attention, it's okay to give them some aggressive, very, very aggressive sort of physical manhandling, but not continued aggression to the point that they feel like they may not be able to go on being because of your aggression.
18:56🔗
Drew
Beating, hitting the child will only make things worse. You got to have severe consequences for that child.
19:04🔗
Drew
Severe. But actually having, meeting aggression with aggression will only escalate the child's internal aggression.
19:15🔗
Drew
No, the aggression on kids really works. It works to change the behavior short term, long term worsens the behavior.
19:27🔗
Adam
They never raised anything really. Never raised their ass off the sofa, never sat up. Dad had to use both his hands just to move his head. Like my dad wanted to say no, he would have to pick his hands up and move his head.
19:43🔗
Adam
Couldn't actually speak. Yeah. I feel like my parents would have beat me had they been able to summon the energy or been interested.
19:52🔗
Drew
See, that's why you like marijuana so much, that saved you from your mom doing that to you.
20:12🔗
Yeah.
20:17🔗
No, I knew you would say that, but I have been a long time listener and I have to say this is not a bogus call. I know the rules of a bogus call and if you call a bogus call, I would call it that this is not a bogus call.
20:27🔗
Adam
All right, well now I'm truly frightened. Here's why I'm frightened, because you sound like a person, you sound like a retarded giant who could snap some eight-year-old's neck and not even know what you were doing.
21:03🔗
Drew
All right, good. That's a good place to start. Focus on not... Focus on regulating your aggression. Don't give in to these things. I know the sort of prevailing wisdom is, hey, it feels good. Do it whatever you want. It's all good. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. This is a situation where regulating those things will actually bring you closer to the person you're with physically and make it such that you will not hurt somebody. What the hell is Ray doing here?
21:36🔗
Adam
I went to Junior High with a guy named Dane. You met Dane earlier. And Dane has a bit of a medical condition and Ray gives people medical conditions.
21:49🔗
Adam
And Ray was assigned to protect Dane from all the people, all the cruel kids that do horrible things to kids with medical conditions.
22:05🔗
Adam
I don't think it's made up for it. Certainly, it would be an argument he could use not to get into hell.
22:15🔗
Adam
Purgatory for a weekend and it's off to hell. But I think him protecting Dane might give a little purgatory reprieve for Ray. But the thing about it is, is kids are cruel and kids are really just how animals are because they're like people. People are sort of like animals that have to be taught to be human beings. Some don't get taught that, by the way, and that's what you have when you take a look at the prison populace. And that's why it's the parents' fault. But kids are sort of like animals in that coyotes waiting around the bushes waiting in the brush when the gazelles are running by. The lame one that's got a little hitch and it's giddy up, that's the one they hop on.
22:54🔗
Adam
They hop on the one that's dragging behind the pack. That's the way the animal kingdom marks. And it takes a long time to train the coyotes. Look that gazelle was born with one hoof that was...
23:08🔗
Adam
How would you feel if you were the gazelle? They don't want to hear any of that. They just want to pounce. Later on, God willing, people get that message and they stop pouncing on the weaker gazelles. Once in a while, you got to get a gorilla to protect the weaker gazelle from the coyotes.
23:24🔗
Adam
That was Ray, killer ape, killer ape Ray. So now, 25 years later, everyone's back for a little reunion, but it turns out Dane is a fan of the show and just shot me an email. You know, I hopped right on that. And here he is, he's gonna make dreams come true.
23:43🔗
Adam
No, got right on it. And Ray came down to say hi to Dane, too, because, you know, he's that kind of guy. Gorilla hanging with the gazelle.
23:52🔗
Adam
Take a break? All right, Fiona Horne is here tonight. She is, she's in this month's or October's edition of Playboy. I have too much pooth to look at in front of her, but I'll be bringing it to the bathroom with us.
24:18🔗
Fiona Horne
The article is actually really good. Not that many people read the article, but actually they do sort of read the articles in Playboy. But it's not a bad piece about modern witchcraft. It's pretty positive.
24:37🔗
Adam
Yeah, Drew's not going to do that. Unless they come out on cassette, they come out on cassette? No. Take a quick break. Drew will ask us three questions.
24:46🔗
Adam
I know what you do. Believe me, I've smudged your place. Well, Drew will talk Fiona about witchcraft and witchcraftery after this.
25:22🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Poe number 1-800-LOVE-191. Fiona Horne is here tonight. She's a witch from Australia. Birthplace of witchcraftery. You know, you think Australia, you think witches.
25:39🔗
Fiona Horne
It's actually one of the fastest growing spiritual paths in Australia. We have a census where every single resident of Australia has to answer for the governments like every six years. And in the last two census reports, it's noted that witchcraft, Wicca, other nature-based religions or spiritual paths has increased like over 300 percent.
25:59🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, the way I relate to that is religion is fixed in some kind of dogma, some fixed opinion, some tradition that's not flexible. And with Wicca and modern witchcraft, it's evolving quite rapidly now and it's expressing the input of the various individuals that are involved.
26:20🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, sacrament or sacred? Sacred. Well, depends. It's anything is with the intent. You feel it when we talk about magic, we spell it with a K, M-A-G-I-C-K, to differentiate the kind of magic where you're pulling rabbits out of hats or it's a sleight of hand. And we it's a spiritual approach to magic. So it's creating change with will. It's seeing the universe as an unfolding miracle, not to sound too sort of esoteric or, you know, the new age, but definitely, and you can create the life you want.
26:46🔗
Adam
What is the difference, how long between magic and tomfoolery? I spell it with three M's by the way.
26:52🔗
Drew
But the Egyptians didn't distinguish between religious ritual and magic. It was all the same?
26:58🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, it was all the same. And I think again, you know, it's much like science and religion seem to be converging again now and to a degree. And when we, I tend to take a, I mean, magic to me is an expression of my spiritual life in the sense that it's a celebration of being alive and seeing difficult times, not there's so much to stop you, obstacles are there to guide you. It's about sort of making the most of the one shot you have on this planet.
27:27🔗
Fiona Horne
And in parts, I do. I think that in science and spirituality, maybe to be more specific. In quantum physics, there's very much a lay person who has read The Tao of Physics by Fritjof Capra and books like that. And even some of the more popular titles like, oh, the guy, now I'm having a blank for his name, Deepak Chopra. Yeah, that kind of stuff. It's interesting that reality can conform based on how you perceive it to be. And that's how we work magic. We create change with will. So I find that quite interesting that the two cross over.
28:05🔗
Drew
Oh, no, I didn't dress. I just sat on a friend's porch and watched hundreds of kids come by.
28:15🔗
Drew
And her son was a... Are you sure? Wait, wait, wait, this is a good one. One son was a whoopee cushion. One of the best costumes I've ever seen.
28:37🔗
Drew
And then there was a sort of a ghoul. He was a cloaked, like, skull, crazy looking thing, and he scared the hell out of me. He sat in the grass of our friend's house, just jumped at people.
28:46🔗
Adam
What do you do with the candy? They get to eat as much as they want, take as much as they want, who cares?
28:51🔗
Drew
We've always tried to control it, but they've all been really... They were, like, managing their own diets much better these days, and so they went to town.
29:12🔗
Fiona Horne
My friend was trying to do something good for the kids, and so she decided to give out chicken skewers instead of candy, but it didn't work yet.
29:20🔗
Adam
Look, my mom gave out raisins, and I like this smudge of house just for that. I feel like, here's your thing, I'll give you a choice. You get the mini peanut butter cups. You can get the...
29:39🔗
Fiona Horne
We don't have them in Australia, so they're special to me, especially the fruit-flavoured tutsi rolls.
29:49🔗
Fiona Horne
Oh, I love vegemite. We realize it tastes like crap. I'll bring over boxes of that when I'm going to Australia. And Tim Thames.
29:58🔗
Adam
I know vegemite. I've had vegemite. I used to work with a guy from Australia. It's horrible. It's their poi. Every, I believe every, every place like Hawaii, every place that's surrounded by beautiful ocean invents one horrible indigenous dish to keep foreigners from settling. See Australia's like, I was thinking of moving to Australia until I got to taste that goddamn vegemite. Now we're staying here in Idaho, honey. That's how it works. And same with Hawaii. I was going to move there, but then I got to taste that poi. And now we're staying, now we're staying. See what I'm saying? I think they actually do it. I mean imagine, imagine if Hawaii substituted poi for fudge.
30:41🔗
Adam
It's some sort of tasteless paste of a root that only people in huge camps could enjoy. It's horrible. And that's horrible. But not as bad as vegemite. But let me just say this. Tootsie roll is OK once you've devoured what's on top of it in your plastic pumpkin. And that's all that's left at the bottom. Drew actually almost took a spill. I like to get a cat scan, Drew. I'm scared you may injure yourself. Put a hockey helmet on when you go out to the parking lot tonight. I would like one day just to go ahead and break down the rankings of the the mini size, you know, the fun size candies. Yeah, I let's see if we can work this out. I'm going to go ahead and put peanut butter cups.
31:37🔗
Drew
Now there's air. Yeah, I'm with you. Now they've got these little Hershey's like gourmet chocolates and little like thick chocolates with almonds. Awesome. Dark, light, almonds, nuts. Forget it. Okay. The game is game on. Dove has old things now.
32:03🔗
Adam
Mars. Right. Okay. Speaking of that, the little Mars bars, the little Mars with the almond in there. But no, Drew says no. No to Nougat.
32:25🔗
Adam
Almond Joy, darling. Hi, let me, okay. Let's just, let's see if we can get on the same page here. The Mars bars are good. What's your beef with the Mars bars?
32:35🔗
Adam
Okay, but it still could be good. You didn't see a naked lady tonight, did you? But you still enjoy them, right?
32:53🔗
Adam
Snickers better. I'll say Snickers better, but you've eaten a few more of them than you have the Mars bars. Welcome to a little change of pace.
33:10🔗
Adam
I don't know what nougat is. I say that nougat is to chocolate bars what balsam is to shampoo.
33:20🔗
Adam
Something that somebody invented that you want more if you don't even know what it is. And you can't buy it separately. No one can go to the market and pick up some balsam and nougat. You can only get the products they come in. That's when you're winning.
33:32🔗
Adam
You're on top of the game. I say a Three Musketeers bar is nice every once in a while. I thought I grew out of it, but I'm sort of back on them. Yeah.
33:50🔗
Fiona Horne
That reminds me. Oh, the reality show that I did, Mad Mad House, last year for Sci-Fi Channel. They re-ran it today on Fox Reality 24-7, and there was a scene in it because the grand prize was $100,000, so it was down to the last three finalists. And there was an interview sort of behind the scenes today, and as the guy, he was saying, I didn't know this, he said as he walked off, the producers went up to him and said, we loved you. You were such great TV. We're going to give you the $100,000 anyway. And he's like standing there thinking, oh, my goodness. It was the bloody candy bar that I handed over. He said I nearly punched them. That was cruel. He was one of the last finalists.
34:32🔗
Hello?
34:52🔗
Fiona Horne
I was wondering about Fiona's point of view on love spells, because I've been told not to meddle. I'm just getting into the whole witchcraft thing.
35:01🔗
Drew
That's the free will issue. Why not? Why not meddle with free will? Does free will exist? Who knows?
35:05🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, I know it's subjective, isn't it? Well, it's love spells we say that you should never cast a spell on someone else, but you can do a love spell to bring love to you and let it be the best love that's for you. And if you were to focus your desire on some specific person, they may not be the right person for you, but you can look at the qualities in them that you're attracted to and then do a spell to bring those qualities in the person that's right for you. And it may be that person you originally set your sights on.
36:47🔗
Drew
Well, here's the deal. He was people in recovery don't generally get murdered. They get murdered when they go back out again. That's what he probably was using again. Secondly, whatever he perpetrated against you that caused you to be so attracted to disturbed men is what we need to worry about in you, Kelsey.
37:04🔗
Adam
Well, hold on, Kelsey, we got to take a break, but I want to get to the bottom of this because you're 16. I don't want you ruining your life. You've already done enough damage. And here's the thing. Let me just say this, by the way, though, if you put two days together of sobriety and then you get killed, I say it goes to perpetuity.
37:24🔗
Adam
You know what I mean? Dad's still sober. You know what I mean? I was just saying it should count. I said I think I should get a chip for like a five year chip or cake or something in a few years. Okay. That's one positive. It's positive. Kelsey. Here's the problem with our society. We do not judge. We do not do nearly enough judging. We see someone who's into vampires and it's like, yeah, that's their thing.
37:48🔗
Adam
Day's a necrophiliac. This one's into vampire. This one likes to drink blood. That's fine. That's their thing. They're goth. They're just expressing themselves. This one's into aggressive piercings and aggressive tats. Look, when you're 16 and you're into that, it means you were horribly abused or your dad got murdered or you're ritualistically abused or you're sexually abused. There's something wrong with you. We need to intervene.
38:12🔗
Adam
Yes. And or then the lives around you. Hey, you know, I don't understand. It's like, you see the kid just walking around, and he's just in the goth. He just thinks he's a vampire. Really? No, nobody wants to step up.
38:26🔗
Adam
Of course it's a symptom. We don't realize that, you know, A and B equals C. When you see a guy walking around dressed as Count Chocula and it's in March, there's a problem. And that's your whole job as adults and as a society is to intervene. And I don't care if the kid doesn't like it or the kid says he's doing his thing or the kid says he's expressing himself. It's up to them to decide. The kid could say he's expressing himself by lighting fires.
38:59🔗
Adam
I'm a pyromaniac. I like to set things on fire. That's the only time I feel free when I'm dancing and setting things on fire.
39:05🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's what I do. That's when I was a woman trapped inside of my body. That's what I do. I'm a vampire. That's what I do. That's my thing. Okay, now we're going to intervene. I don't understand. We have to wait until the guy brings a gun to school. We have to wait until the person commits suicide. We have to wait until they stab their stepmom. We have to wait. Why do we have to wait? Who said we had to wait? Do we want to live in a kind of society where we just wait for stuff to happen? Well, you can't. I knew, you know, we knew all the guys were terrorists who were getting on the plane, but we surely couldn't pull them. Couldn't stop them in security before they got on the plane. We have to wait until they do something. What is that part we have to wait, especially law enforcement? Well, we pulled the North Hollywood Bank robbers over two months before they did it. We found police scanners and, you know, banana clips and shotguns and body armor in the trunk of the car and ski masks. But we got to wait.
39:56🔗
Adam
We had brought a man, we had to give the stuff back because we got to wait. Why do we have to wait? What's everyone waiting? Waiting? Waiting? You may be on that plane. You may be in that bank. You may be at that school. What are we waiting for? Let's do something now. This is what the adults are supposed to do. This is what the law enforcement community is supposed to do. This is what the sane people are supposed to do. We're not supposed to wait for crazy people to do stupid stuff. We're supposed to nip it in the bud. A vampire over here needs to be intervened upon for her sake and society's sake now. All right, now we got to wait. We got to take commercial.
40:32🔗
Adam
We got to wait. We got to do that. We got to do an intervention. Do a little smudge on them. I know you can't change wills, but this would be a good will to change.
40:40🔗
Fiona Horne
I'm just wondering how much of it's just a fashion statement or if it's really a little.
40:57🔗
Adam
Sure, no, it's not like, oh, 40% of guys end up killing people. Yeah, they're mostly angry nerds.
41:16🔗
Drew
No. Everyone. We treat lots and lots and lots of them. I don't treat a lot of the football players, except for the steroid abuse treatment. Adam's got a problem with alcohol and he used to play football. But I don't treat the depression and the character stuff and the abuse survivorship and all that. That all gets expressed through these styles.
41:38🔗
Drew
There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it. That's the whole point. People think, you're saying something wrong with it. I have nothing wrong with it. I don't care. What do I care? It's a wonderful thing to go expression of. It's a style, but it's a symptom also. It's like saying all jocks are alcoholics, though. A lot of them are. A lot of them are thrill seeking.
41:55🔗
Adam
Don't argue with Anderson. Anderson, push some buttons. What do you have? Push the one that kills your mic. Please, please, pot yourself down. All right, we'll be back after this. Number 1-800-LOV. Fiona Horne is here tonight. She's a bona fide witch. Oh, yes, she will put a spell on your ass. Drew is looking at the Playboy she's in right now, October.
42:43🔗
Fiona Horne
If anyone would like to know what I look like, they can check out my website. It's fionahorne.com.
42:57🔗
Fiona Horne
No, but there's a lot of information about my books and my television work and various other things that people might find interesting as well as, you know.
43:21🔗
Adam
All right. So you're you're getting into the wiccan thing. You're into this vampire guy. It's school.
43:45🔗
Fiona Horne
No, not really. But I bet you know, she didn't do anything to stop it, though, you know, she's just angry at mom.
43:53🔗
Fiona Horne
Can I ask Kelsey a question? Why are you interested in Wicca and witchcraft? What do you like about it?
43:58🔗
Fiona Horne
It needs to be a really strong question. And it just didn't like really fulfill me. And like I, I about 15, I started cutting and I just mean really bad. And I met a friend who was a witch and she got me into it. I just felt so spiritual and so complete and I didn't have to cut anymore. I just like that hole that was like filling me just like was completed.
44:20🔗
Fiona Horne
That's, that's really good to hear. Do you think it's because of witchcraft placing an emphasis on the feminine and helping you kind of honor yourself a little bit?
44:28🔗
Fiona Horne
Yeah, I mean, I just like, I don't know, like I believe in like a lot of mind power to you. You know, it's like, I think you can do anything with your mind.
44:36🔗
Fiona Horne
And it's just like, it just made me happy, you know, and it's being able to do that for the world.
44:41🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, I'm glad there's something really positive in your life out of that, because it's, you know, it's good to hear.
44:46🔗
Adam
What's going on with our society, though, where one has a retarded belief, I believe that everything happens, I believe, when did that?
44:54🔗
Adam
Yeah, when did it become sort of socially okay for people to just make these sort of sweeping I believe statements and everyone just sit back and nod their head.
45:02🔗
Drew
Well, it's become, everything's become relative. Everything's just another point of view.
45:10🔗
Adam
No, and by the way, what evidence? I believe that everything happens for a reason. Everyone just nods their head. No one says, what the F does that mean? Idiots. What's everyone doing? I can't believe, what year are we living in? Everyone's got something. Everyone's clinging to some stupid religion. Put it put in place a few thousand years ago because people are dying at 14 and no one knew why. Now we have microscopes and vaccinations. We don't need it anymore everybody. Everyone makes it till 85. Go ahead and drop your retarded religion.
45:40🔗
Drew
If you ever think of it, here's one thing I will tell you. Is that science explains things. Okay, the domain of God and the devil has shrunk because science has explained that. However, one thing that science will never explain is the thing in itself. Why? Why do subatomic particles attract and work the way they do? We'll never be able to do that with science. So there's a space for faith and religion.
46:06🔗
Adam
Well, how do you think the sun got in the sky then, wise guy? You don't think someone put it there? I like that's the catch-all argument. Oh yeah? Well, then how did Saturn get its rings? Yeah, you're not so smart anymore, are you? Obviously, someone put a big belt around Saturn because he was huge. Yeah, I like that argument. Oh yeah? How did it get there, then? Did you get a windbreaker that says A-hole on it? That's your argument. How did we get here, then? Tell me, how?
46:39🔗
Fiona Horne
You know what? I think one of the things I like best about Witchcraft and the ritual...
46:48🔗
Adam
Somebody must have put you here, okay? Because I believe everything happens for a reason, by the way. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, although if I tell anyone I spoke to Jesus Christ, they'll lock me up. That's one. How many people you have a personal relationship with you don't get to talk to? And if you do, people hit you with a big butterfly net. Ever think about that one? All right, let's take a quick break. Fiona is here tonight. She is a witch, everybody. A good witch. She's not that green one from the east or the west or the north. Where is a good one from?
47:26🔗
Drew
Wicked witch of the west, Glinda the witch of the... Just the wicked witch of the east. The wicked east and the west. Or maybe Glinda was the north.
47:35🔗
Adam
I don't know. Look that up. We're going to eat some candy here. Look at this bounty. This is my messiah right here.
47:53🔗
Fiona Horne
Alright, guys, here's the deal. You looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?
48:35🔗
Adam
Hey, buddy. Love Lime. It's a little coffee. It's a little chocolate. You know what I'm saying, a peanut butter cup.
48:45🔗
Adam
Oh, man. Fiona Horne is here tonight, she's a bona fide witch. She's so hot, they put her in Playboy. She is in the, I think it's the Girls of the Pack 10.
48:59🔗
Fiona Horne
It's funny, everyone else is 20 years younger than me in that magazine. I'm 39 this year, and so good to kind of, interesting to think, well, Hef said, do you want to be in the college issue? And I was like, mm, well, Tommy Lee can go back to college.
49:13🔗
Adam
Hef said that. Yeah, but that's it, that's enough. I mean, you look great, don't get me wrong, but I don't need any of that thing where the chick's in her 60s and she's trying to prove something to people.
49:26🔗
Fiona Horne
I'm not trying to prove anything. I just think as you don't get older, you get better. I think it's a really positive message to send out to women because we're always encouraged to have a sense that we have a use-by date and as someone growing older, I think life is still fascinating and wonderful.
49:40🔗
Adam
Yeah, everyone gets into that message as they get close to 40. You don't hear it so much when you're 19 and banging 40-year-olds. Now, for chicks, let me explain something, ladies. Here's how, let me explain my universe. This is how it works, the great magnet. You chicks don't get to have it both ways. You don't get to be smoking hot at 18 and 19 and have a bunch of rich guys courting you and be smoking hot at 60. It doesn't work that way.
50:11🔗
Adam
Here's what I'm saying. You don't get to be the belle of the ball for 40 years. You get to be the belle of the ball for about 10 years and then it's time for someone else to be the belle of the ball. This is what women do. How about guys? Well, women, let me, I'll address that in a second, but women are trying to convince people that, you know what, you're just, you know, you hear Sharon Stone talking about, you know, you get more beautiful when you get, yeah, when you're 55, that's because you're closer to 55 than you are to 25. And I didn't hear anything out of your mouth when you're 25. And don't tell us what's hot, we'll decide. We'll use our, the divining rod in our inner pants, we'll decide what's hot. And I'm sorry, weighing into 65 year old women. That's how it works. Doesn't matter how much logic you try to throw at us, we're always going to err on the side of the 19 year old.
50:57🔗
Fiona Horne
What I like about growing older is that men's opinion of me is increasingly less important. It's all about my opinion of me.
51:05🔗
Adam
Right, but the more you say that, the more it makes me think you're worried about what guys' opinions are.
51:14🔗
Adam
Well, here's the thing about guys. And this is the way it should work, by the way. When you're, no, looking at the nudity here, Drew.
51:23🔗
Adam
It's guy cladness. Here's the thing. When you're a 19-year-old guy, and there's a 19-year-old chick, and the chick's hot, you really don't have a chance as a 19-year-old guy.
51:35🔗
Adam
90% of guys have not come into their own professionally or emotionally or whateverly, and they don't stand a chance. They just don't.
51:52🔗
Adam
That's right. Although I do make a little, oh yeah, you know, it's not totally silent. And I will go, yeah, come on, Ace, let's go now.
52:03🔗
Adam
Break it down. Guys will pay their dues, and then it's time to pay the fiddler. It's no different than any other facet of life, which is you want to go to law school, you want to go to medical school, you don't get paid.
52:16🔗
Adam
You don't get paid. It costs you money. You may have friends that are out working that have cash in their pocket, you don't have any, you're 26, you're in your 18th year of school, but there will be a payday. Pay me now or pay me later. Pay me with interest. That's the way it works. And that's what guys have. So women can't have...
52:37🔗
Adam
Yeah, they get that part where they're out, whatever, they're successful, they're getting successful in their business or whatever.
53:03🔗
Adam
But here's the thing. It's a window that you've deemed creepy, but it doesn't mean that successful guys in their 40s and 50s can't date hot 22-year-olds. They do all the time. If they're successful, the window didn't slam. You slammed it. You've decided that you didn't agree with it.
53:27🔗
Adam
You're looking at it as somebody who wants to meet quality singles and start a family, not somebody who just wants to party and keep the party going. You know what I'm saying? Here's all I'm saying. Women have themselves a little window. Some window stretches out a little further than others, but it would be an unfair universe if a chick got to be just hot. Well, she's totally hot and totally desirable at 16, and now she's 56 and she's on her 40th year being totally hot and totally desirable.
54:00🔗
Adam
I'm talking about what men want from you and how they would judge you and what number they give you. You can feel however you want to feel inside. I'm just telling you how society feels.
54:15🔗
Fiona Horne
One of the greatest things about growing older is that other people's opinion of you is increasingly less important and it's a good thing. Is that okay to say, Dr. Drew?
54:27🔗
Drew
No, one of the things that drives me crazy about how young women define themselves by men.
54:31🔗
Fiona Horne
Yeah, exactly. And that's what I really try and promote in my books and being like someone who's perceived as attractive by patriarchal society, but I'm out there encouraging women to sort of step outside of other people's opinions and the roles they play in this society.
54:45🔗
Adam
No, I totally agree with that message. I'm just not buying this whole part where you get sexier as you get older. That's just a line of crap that women sell each other. It's not for men. They don't feel that way at all.
55:08🔗
Adam
They take a 19-year-old. Sure. Now look, there's a definition of attractive and that's a certain age. It inches up as you get older.
55:18🔗
Fiona Horne
What's all about procreation, reproduction, rural animals, aren't we? So men would look at women and think it can, you know, it's that very kind of primal pulse in them of like, will that, you know...
55:30🔗
Adam
When you're 25, your idea of, you know, piping hot is 19 and when you're 65, it's 20. And it's 19 and a half. It just goes up six, seven months.
55:39🔗
Drew
But when you were 20, I'm sure you find 40-year-old women attractive and desirable now. When you were 20, no way.
55:56🔗
Fiona Horne
What's the explanation then of, like, say, a 25-year-old getting married to, like, a 42-year-old female, like, a 25-year-old male? Is there some kind of psychology behind that?
56:05🔗
Drew
You know what that is? It's 42-year-olds who use surgery and other things to make them look like a 19-year-old.
56:10🔗
Fiona Horne
And it fits, it fits, it fills the genes. So, they're still triggering that primal response, right?
56:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, like Demi Moore, she's 42, she looks like she's 30, and there you go. Yeah, looks good. Look, if you have a really good hand, Deltia, from a gene standpoint, or you go under the knife a couple times, you can stretch to party out until the wee hours of the morning, but eventually the sun's coming up, street lights are turning off, and you gotta go home. Do you understand?
56:38🔗
Adam
No, but let's be honest. We know people, they're women where the party ends sooner than others. They're chain smokers, they drink, they abuse substances.
56:50🔗
Adam
They crank out a few kids, they've had, you know, written hard and put away wet, and they're 29 or 30, and it looks like the world's caught up to them. There's other women where it's like, wow, the woman's 48, still looking pretty good, but even that woman eventually is going to have a 55th birthday, and that'll be that. That's all I'm saying. I'm not trying to be sexist or cruel, that's just how the world works. I'm explaining it to everybody. It's all right. Yeah? You all right? Look, it should be that way. We got our asses kicked when we were 19. Now it's time to pay the fiddler. Christina?
57:36🔗
Caller
Well, see, I recently got diagnosed with HPV, and the general of the warts and everything, and I've had the procedure done.
57:56🔗
Caller
What I was asking about, I have two younger children, and the thing is, is that I've looked on the internet with my mother and found out that HPV has so many types of it, and the diagnosis, I'm not sure. I've talked to my doctor and I've asked things like, you know, if I let this stuff go, how long would it be until I get cervical cancer or can I get cervical cancer?
58:23🔗
Drew
They can't tell you. You could probably get cervical cancer. They can't tell you for sure, and they can't tell you how long it will take. In the meantime, you just got to take off those suspicious lesions that look like they could turn into cervical cancer.
58:36🔗
Caller
Well, see, you know, some people my age, they go to the doctor, get diagnosed with STD or whatever, and then they let things go.
58:45🔗
Drew
And they die, they get pelvic inflammatory disease, they get fertility problems, and they die of cervical cancer.
58:53🔗
Adam
I know, but hold on. When I say, what do you mean, let it go? I mean, I know there's some people that don't get treated. I understand that.
58:59🔗
Drew
Why would you be contemplating letting it go, is what Adam's asking. Why does that even enter your lexicon?
59:35🔗
Adam
Letting it go is what it means not to take care of a disease or syndrome in a punctual fashion.
59:46🔗
Adam
All right. Now that we have your definition of letting it go, why would you let it go, Christina?
59:54🔗
Caller
I wouldn't let it go. It's just a question that you question when you're scared, you know, the first thing you find it out and you're like, what do I do?
1:00:03🔗
Drew
You follow your doctor's direction. You just do what they tell you to do. It's a very simple thing. You get it taken care of. You watch carefully and that's it. It's taken care of.
1:00:11🔗
Adam
Scariest thing about this whole thing is not the HPV. It's you cruising the Internet with your mom looking about.
1:00:16🔗
Drew
Do you think his doctor has never treated this or that he treats it 40 times a day? It's a very common thing and it's very easily controllable and you get taken care of.
1:00:33🔗
Fiona Horne
Some babies are born with HPV, aren't they? Babies? You can be born with the wart virus.
1:00:43🔗
Drew
But the issue is the cervical cancer risk and there's a vaccine coming out within the year. This whole thing is going away as a big problem anyway.
1:00:50🔗
Adam
Christina, I'm going to bet you have bigger fish to fry than little warts on the surface.
1:01:00🔗
Caller
They're brothers as a matter of fact. It wasn't a Jerry Springer thing. It was just something that had happened.
1:01:36🔗
Drew
The herpes, the wart virus is a wart on the cervix or the wart on your ass compared to the more serious issues here of the meltdown that is your life. The wart virus is what we call rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
1:02:06🔗
Caller
I guess through him having alcoholism. Psychological problems and stuff, he has schizophrenia as well.
1:02:15🔗
Caller
He takes care of his self, his self. The person and health problems start to progress. You know?
1:02:24🔗
Adam
I'm writing this down. You got to take care of what? Yourself? You let it go. This is what happens. Hey, Christina, could you please not crap out any more, kids? For the love of Christ. Please, baby.
1:02:38🔗
Caller
Wow. I understand. I've looked through my life and seen what's going on. You know, I have to slow down.
1:03:04🔗
Adam
No, each other. The one-year-old and the five-year-old. Are they in each other's lives? Yeah, the fathers.
1:03:13🔗
Caller
Oh, um, they come and go. One pays child support. The other one denied the second one because of, he was embarrassed and about the whole deal about me having the second one.
1:03:48🔗
Caller
I've made up a team of rushing things and things back up. Right. You've got to slow it down. You know? Okay.
1:03:53🔗
Adam
That's right. Okay. It's like interviewing an athlete after a game. Well, I'll tell you right now, I'm taking a one kid at a time. First of all, I want to thank Jesus Christ for giving me these two illegitimate kids. Right now, we're not looking ahead to the fourth kid. We're focusing on Sunday's kid. That's their third kid. I gotta take one step. Wow. It's like one sort of retarded ism after the other out of Christina. Now look, what would you say, Drew, just from a thinking standpoint, where did you put Christina at?
1:04:30🔗
Adam
Yeah. Somewhere between a rock and a lizard. Like where? Where? Where did you put it? I'm just being harsh because I don't want these idiots raising kids. These are the problems of the future, these kids. Here's the thing. Be as stupid as you want. Just don't drive a school bus. Don't fly an airplane. Don't have any kids. Be as dumb as you want. Leave everyone else out of it. Make all the bad decisions you want. Don't have kids. That's all. You know, people think we don't have the right to critique these people's lives. We do because we have to take care of their kids.
1:05:04🔗
Fiona Horne
What is it, what is it when, like, as a society or as a species, like, once it was survival of the fittest, you know, and now as a species we encourage the, often the sickest and most, Yes, we do. you know, we encourage them to reproduce and we support them and enable them. So what does that mean as a species, Dr. Drew? What's going on with us?
1:05:24🔗
Fiona Horne
I know. It's like, it's almost like we're breeding ourselves out. And then, yeah, I mean, as a witch, I see that, like, because we honor nature as sacred and I look at what we're doing in our natural world and I think, hmm, interesting.
1:05:33🔗
Drew
So if you want to say, as we go to the nursery, we kill all the people that are, you know, just sick and unproductive.
1:05:43🔗
Drew
But your point is well taken, is that we, is that we, we don't have a consistent, we don't know what it means. That's the reality.
1:05:58🔗
Adam
All right, baby. So you focus on not effing up those kids any more than they're already effed up, yeah?
1:06:11🔗
Drew
And just get your warts taken care of, get the cervical procedures done, just keep an eye on it.
1:06:21🔗
Drew
The other more interesting thing is why, when kids are severely traumatized, you know, when they're damaged, when their brain is not working normally, the first order business is reproducing.
1:06:32🔗
Drew
What was God's plan for that? That those are the people that produce quids early, kids early and young and rapidly.
1:06:45🔗
Fiona Horne
Yeah. I mean, you know, I'm 39. I haven't had kids and my genes are all right. And I don't think I'm too maladjusted, but I'll let you decide that. Dr. Drew, as I sit here.
1:07:04🔗
Drew
Let's quickly talk, Jen. Let's get some calls down here. All right. I can roar through a couple of these. Let me do it. All right.
1:07:12🔗
Adam
Come on, come on, come on. Just go. Going with your gestation period. I got a gush for the gush. Well, you want to take these HPV calls all the time.
1:07:35🔗
Caller
Okay, I had unprotected sex on early Saturday morning and I got my period today. And I'm just wondering, like with the gestation period, is it still possible for me to be pregnant?
1:07:53🔗
Drew
Fertilization takes about three, up to three days, that the sperm waits for the egg in the fallopian tubes for up to three days. And the way you can prevent that egg from becoming available is taking the morning after pill. I think even though you're having your period, you should still go ahead and take that myself.
1:08:06🔗
Caller
Because... I got the pill, but I called Planned Parenthood today, and I asked them the same question, and they said, no, you're fine, you don't need to take the pill.
1:08:15🔗
Drew
Well, they're not wrong. They're not wrong. I just like... That morning after pill is an extra protection.
1:08:26🔗
Drew
You don't know it's a period. It just adds a little, the whole idea is to suppress the egg from being released. So the sperm sit there and wait and go away.
1:08:35🔗
Drew
If the egg is released, if it gets released, whether you're on your period, whether you've taken the morning after pill, you get pregnant most of the time. That's that percentage where that morning after pill doesn't work. The egg comes out, they implant, no big deal.
1:08:47🔗
Adam
Well, I haven't talked about it in a while, but most women ovulate like 14 days after the end of the period. Oh yeah.
1:08:53🔗
Fiona Horne
You count 14 days and then that's right. And you've got like a, roughly a three day window that you're most fertile.
1:09:02🔗
Fiona Horne
Only one day. But it's like the sperm can live for three days. So you've got to kind of, yeah, you got to watch out for that. And you got to be careful of ectopic pregnancy. And I'm actually someone that experienced that in my twenties and I had a period thinking I wasn't pregnant and I was, and it was growing in the tube. And then I was very sick. Painful, painful, I lost a phallopian tube.
1:09:35🔗
Caller
Yeah. A question along with that. If I take the morning after pill while I'm on my period, is that going to like mess it up? Is it going to be different at all?
1:09:56🔗
Adam
Here's the thing. A lot of this breaks down to this kind of thing with doctors and with you, Drew, is somebody says, well, I don't want to go downstairs and see if the light's off in the garage. And you go, well, there's a 2% chance it's on, so why don't you go downstairs and do it? Now, the person doesn't want to go through the work because there's 98% chance you're going to get to the garage and the light's going to be off. But you, who's not walking down to the garage, and who works for the power company, or who pays the bills, says, yeah, just go do it.
1:10:26🔗
Drew
I'm the one who's responsible if the, you know, the robber comes in and catches on fire. It's my responsibility and I am all accountable for it.
1:10:35🔗
Adam
Well, I don't think you're accountable when someone calls in a show and you say, and you say, look, here's the reality.
1:10:43🔗
Adam
Right. But that's why, and this is what doctors do, they don't go, well, there's a 2% chance that they just go, just go down and shut the line.
1:10:51🔗
Drew
Right. Because you know what happens? They get pregnant and they sue you. And they have a right to.
1:10:59🔗
Drew
We are held to the absolute highest possible standard in all times and every decision. I know you hate it. We're not allowed to go say, well, if you really want to, it's probably okay. You're not allowed to do that.
1:11:10🔗
Adam
Right. You've got to say, if you're allowed, you're allowed me to do this show and that. Well, the person from Planned Parenthood is allowed to do it.
1:11:16🔗
Drew
Yeah. I said they're not wrong. They're not wrong. I personally, I just think it's be extra careful is the way to go.
1:11:22🔗
Adam
I all I'm saying is, is I would like to get rid of these attorneys and work it out somehow where you actually could find out from the doctor what the truth was. Is it a five percent chance or is it a fifty five percent chance? That I'll make my informed decision.
1:11:38🔗
Fiona Horne
As a female though, thinking about getting pregnant and the responsibility that actually having the baby and doing the whole thing, it's like even if there's only a five percent chance, you still want to be certain. You don't want that five percent chance.
1:11:55🔗
Adam
Wow. Look at that. What a team. We'll take a quick break. Performance enhancing positions you would suggest. What?
1:12:15🔗
Adam
Oh, it did say potion. Yeah. Yeah. What about? Well, let's figure that out when we come back.
1:12:32🔗
Adam
All right. Will you tell us where to get that? How I can make it into a tea after this?
1:12:40🔗
Fiona Horne
Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline in just a minute or two. Call 1-800-LOVE-191.
1:12:48🔗
Adam
Ready for something new? Try Durex tingling condoms. They're sex. Then there's Durex. Look out. It's hard to tell.
1:13:02🔗
Adam
It's hard to tell if this music would be scary if it wasn't associated with the movie.
1:13:23🔗
Fiona Horne
I'm going to plug my website again, fionahorne.com, if you want to find out more about me other than the fact I'm a witch.
1:13:30🔗
Adam
Yeah. You also can go to Playboy. Let's go to look at the last issue of Playboy and you can find out all you need to know about her running around with the stars and clouds.
1:13:40🔗
Drew
Here's a great question on your books. Have you ever done a spell that you regret now?
1:13:43🔗
Adam
She doesn't spell. I mean, doesn't do the spell. I can't spell, but she won't make spells. Do you make spells?
1:13:49🔗
Fiona Horne
I've done lots and lots of spells. And you regret? No, because I've got to that point as a mature woman that I don't regret anything anymore. Mistakes aren't mistakes as much as lessons and experiences.
1:14:00🔗
Adam
How about the one you put on that 747 of her locker beat? Oh gosh. You don't regret that at all?
1:14:04🔗
Fiona Horne
Actually, Richard Branson asked me to bless his A's airline and I didn't have any accidents.
1:14:09🔗
Adam
Why don't you bless one of his balloons so you can make it more than 10 feet without hitting power wires? That's one of those things. We should all get rich enough that we can make an assault on certain records that only rich guys can make an assault on. That ballooning around the world record, it's not like you have to be in great condition or good with balloons or navigations or you just have to have the S load of money.
1:14:37🔗
Drew
Yeah, you know I'm looking at the books and look at all the pictures and it's all women with women.
1:14:42🔗
Fiona Horne
There's not a lot of pictures in there but the few that there are. Well that's Mike, you're looking at the Coven Making Magic Together which is about the group of witches I work with in Los Angeles. Actually if you go to my website and join the online club you can get that book for free.
1:15:01🔗
Fiona Horne
Well it's and it's not there so I mean there are male witches, we don't have warlocks but the fact that we emphasize the role of the feminine is empowering and it is addressing the imbalance of a predominantly patriarchal culture for the last couple of thousand years. Yeah.
1:15:24🔗
Fiona Horne
Well actually there's a lot of women celebrating their sexuality and going to learning annex workshops that the guys can hit on.
1:15:29🔗
Adam
That's what's in it. We talked about it earlier, earlier in the evening. And it should be brought up again that guys need to understand where the women are and go get them. And that's where they are. Drew, stop looking at the book because you cannot do two things at once.
1:16:07🔗
Drew
That is how guys think about witchcraft. Right. They want a Spanish fly for a woman and they want something to make their junk go longer.
1:16:27🔗
Adam
What are you looking to do? What are you looking for? Bob, what do you need it for? You're 19, you're 17. What do you care?
1:16:32🔗
Caller
Well, I'm trying to condition for my wrestling team. And I've been working out a lot, but it's just not doing it for me. I need to gain about 20 pounds.
1:16:43🔗
Adam
Sorry. Sorry about the boner talk. Finally, a good kid calls in, and we throw him out with a bath water. One of the good ones. Look at him. God fearing, trying to condition himself. He's going to go off to college one day.
1:16:56🔗
Adam
I feel dirty. Drew, take a good look in the mirror, would you? I don't think you're going to like what's looking back at you. I just don't.
1:17:15🔗
Drew
See, this is something. There's no male equivalent of this. What picture I'm showing, Adam.
1:17:19🔗
Adam
Yes, there you go. From Fiona's book. All right, stop, Drew. Put the book down because you always check out. Here's the thing, Drew. If you were to give a tip to someone who was on the high school wrestling team from a nutritional standpoint, what would it be? Is there anything you can say?
1:17:38🔗
Drew
It depends on what the kid's needing. I mean, some of them are drop weights, some of them are gain weight.
1:17:55🔗
Drew
And he has to sort of balance. You know, there are excessive aerobic exercising will lean you out and decrease your strength as opposed to weightlifting which will raise testosterone level, increase your strength. And you know, he's got to figure out that balance based on what his performance needs.
1:18:13🔗
Adam
I don't- in our school didn't have wrestling. We didn't have anything really. We said football, baseball, basketball, but maybe swimming. We didn't have gymnastics or wrestling or anything. Too poor, too stupid or too depressed. But I always hear about guys talking about high school wrestling. And it's always a guy who's walking around, weight is 155, but he's got to wrestle at 137. And the guy's wearing a hefty bag trying to sweat off the weight. And he's spitting into a cup and he hasn't eaten in three days. And the guy's 16. It doesn't sound very healthy. And no one ever intervenes. We do it with chicks all the time, like, sweetie, you got an eating disorder, you got to go to a hospital. Nothing wrong with a guy who's an athlete, who's trying to make a team, who's walking around 20 pounds lighter than he should be, who's trying to stun his growth essentially by not eating.
1:19:04🔗
Adam
And the guy's running on a treadmill in a shopping bag trying to sweat the weight off. What? Making diuretics, that kind of stuff. I mean, does it seem healthy to anybody?
1:19:27🔗
Fiona Horne
Yeah, well, the situation is I'm not actually on my team. I'm trying to get on the team.
1:19:35🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, I mean, if you wanted my witchcraft-based opinion, my magical opinion, I mean, you always act practically as well as magically. If you wanted to act magically, I would suggest doing a spell that would bring this opportunity to you if you're interested in trying it.
1:19:55🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, because it changes the way they help you. They ritualize a way for you to change the way you view the world and your place in the world.
1:20:03🔗
Adam
Yeah, but if there's only 12 guys who can make the team and you use a spell, that means a guy who deserved to make the team didn't make the team, because you put a spell on yourself.
1:20:11🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, if you're genuinely asking for a spell, the best things about doing spells and rituals is that they can, like I said, create change in your life by allowing you to perceive something else as possible other than your current course. So, you know, I think acting practically and magically, you could do a spell to manifest change in your life.
1:20:31🔗
Adam
Here's the thing. Once in a while, you watch these inside sports shows, and they got the high school wrestler with no legs and no arms, and he's winning all his matches. And everyone's, he's like, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I compete. I'm always like, I feel sorry for the poor bastard as a wrestler, you know? You have your choice. Either the guy with no arms and no calves is going to kick your ass, or you take the guy out of his wheelchair, dump him down and put him in a figure four and beat the crap out of him. You know what I mean? They always do that story. It's like, he has no legs, but that didn't stop him from playing nose tackle on his high school football team. It's like, what about the poor guy had to block the guy? You know, the center? He's just some 17-year-old guy. He's 240 pounds. He's a nice kid. It's like, I got the guy in front of me. He's got no legs. I'm just going to have to pancake him every time into the dirt. It's raining. I'll drive him into the mud.
1:21:25🔗
Adam
Or I'll sort of get out of his way and let him go trip up the back. It's weird. People are always like, these people should be allowed to compete. I always think they should, but I feel sorry for the dude who's wrestling them or whatever. I know we're all just supposed to get over it, but this is psychologically weird when you're a 16-year-old and you signed up for wrestling or football or something. There's a guy with no arms. He's beating the crap out of you. By the way, you lose to an able-bodied guy with a six pack. That's one thing. If a guy with no arms and no legs pin you in ten seconds, that's going to leave a mark. That's therapy. That stays with you. Imagine what people with actual hands could do to you.
1:22:13🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, it's pretty easy. Write down on a piece of paper what you want. You want to get on the team, write it on a piece of paper, green for prosperity and abundance and bringing good things to you.
1:22:29🔗
Fiona Horne
You don't need to read it. What you're going to do is write down what you want. Why bother writing it down if it's green on green? Fold it over three times. Kiss it three times and then plant it. Put it in a potted plant and water and nurture the plant. As it grows and its life energy will infuse your goals and dreams and bring them to fruition. You have to be, if you're going to do magic, be prepared to accept something extraordinary as possible. Suspend disbelief, fear and cynicism and do it. And act practically as well. Train hard, eat well, as Dr. Drew said, and throw a bit of magic in and you might get lucky.
1:23:16🔗
Adam
It's gonna be awesome when he's kissing the paper and putting it in the potted plant, and the step mom staring at him out the kitchen window. Holy Christ, Herb, get over here.
1:23:27🔗
Adam
Yeah. He is going to wrestling. He is going to military school. I do not know. This kid is gone. He has done snap to twig now. Now what do I say about this boy? He's kissing that cray paper and he's putting it in a ficus plant. That's it for him. I'm out. Either he goes or I'm out. I'm gone.
1:23:44🔗
Drew
Is there a certain amount of time that that plant needs to be with that paper? Let's see if we can catch them next week.
1:23:49🔗
Fiona Horne
You've made a good point, which is we're currently in the dark moon, we're about to go into the waxing moon phase. When you're doing plants, when you're doing spells to bring things to you, you start them during the waxing phase of the moon, which is the time the moon builds to full. So then by the time there's a full moon, according to our magic, results will manifest.
1:24:14🔗
Adam
Kiss it, put it up my ass. When's the Brazilian waxing moon? That I could watch. Do we have one of those? I'd take a look at that. That's when the moon is just one strip down the center, it's not crescent, it's a Brazilian waxing moon. It'd be nice if we get the moon to break it up a little instead of the same old boring half moon and full orb and crescent. Yeah, but do a landing strip, let's see what that looks like for a change, break it up, surprise us with your orb sitting there doing nothing. You know what I'm saying? Let's go, let's motivate. Let's take a quick break, when we come back.
1:25:00🔗
Adam
Please hold. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Fiona Horne is here tonight. She's a witch. Give that website out, Fiona.
1:25:30🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, the non-commercial celebration of Halloween is actually called Samhain, and it's our New Year. And based on the sort of Celtic way of measuring out the year as festivals of agricultural and astronomical significance. And so this is one of the greatest Sabbaths, Samhain, and it's kind of the time of the last harvest when tribal people used to live close to the earth, when there weren't supermarkets and electricity, and very much living close to, you know, creating your own food or providing your own food and harvesting and storing it. So this was a very important time. And we also saw it as the new year, because at every end is another beginning, and it's a festival of the dead when we honor the dead.
1:26:10🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, that's what it's ghosts and spooks around, but we see it as a time that you can communicate with the dead.
1:26:16🔗
Adam
I want to say this about everyone who has their own goddamn new year. Okay, then you don't get mine too, because I don't use yours, you know what I mean? Jews have their own new year, the Wiccans have their own new year, everyone has their own new year. Oh, this is our new year, this is our new year. Fine, you'll be working on the first. That's how, that's how my, that's my plan. You took your, you Jews, you took your, your new, this year's, that's your new year? All right, ours is the first of January. I'll not be working, I like seeing the office. Because you weren't in on your new year, but you ain't in on our new year either. And I only get the one. I'm gonna start spreading myself around. Wiccan, Christian, Jew, I'm going, I'm going for everything. I'm thinking every new year off.
1:26:59🔗
Adam
Yeah, I'm just saying, declare your new year, and then you have to stick with it. You don't have to work Halloween. The Jews don't have to work on whenever Rosh Hashanah is, a couple of weeks ago or whenever. And but I will see you guys in the office on January 1st.
1:27:16🔗
Adam
I'll not see you there. I'll see you via via the nanny cam I have set up on your computer. I'll be home drunk honoring the new ringing in the new year. You guys will be at work because you weren't here during years.
1:27:32🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, it's a flower that grows. It's actually indigenous to Hawaii, I think, but it's a tropical flower. The beautiful scent has an aphrodisiacal quality. And we also see it as symbolic of honoring the feminine, the goddess. So often in ritual, we will anoint candles with Ylang Ylang oil and then burn the candles, being that the element of fire we see is one of the four sacred elements is air, earth, fire and water. So fire being an element that is a catalyst for positive change. And so we do we do rituals to honor the goddess on the full moon, nude burning candles anointed in Ylang Ylang.
1:28:31🔗
Caller
Yeah. Before my real question for Dr. Drew, I'd like to ask you, Adam, Recycl-A-Rolla, I guess, took off.
1:28:40🔗
Adam
Hmm. You know, I think the name was a little confusing for people. Orphus worked in the mattress. I have a... Look, here's the deal. I would reckon that at least half the males sleep on their stomach. I do just to protect my junk. Most guys sleep on their stomach, right? And most guys, over the course of an evening, get an erection at some point when they're on their belly, right? Now you have the erection and it's sort of, it looks like a rabbit trap. It's now propping up. It's like the stick that's under the crate with the string on it trying to catch the rabbit, right? Put the carrot in it. And I will have to get up and urinate during the, during the evening, oftentimes.
1:29:27🔗
Adam
My medicine after the coffee. Here's my point. If somebody would make a mattress that had an orifice in it, a hole in it, and I would actually-
1:29:40🔗
Adam
I would actually not, I would not just call it a hole. I would actually make it a slot shape. Like I would, I would make it, it, you know, sort of large pill shape. You know, you know what a-
1:30:11🔗
Adam
It's, it's still, it's, it's the Brazilian waning and waxing moon. I, I say this. All I need is three inches wide by nine inches long. That's all, that's all the movement I have. Actually, it would probably be more comfortable because, okay, let me say this. Is everyone listening to this? For, for a hundred years, the bike seat was the bike seat. It didn't change. It was just that stupid bike seat. You sat on your nuts for however long your road. And then, hmm, 10 years ago, somebody decided maybe we ought to take the bike seat and make a right side and a left side and leave the center part kind of open. And now on the high end mountain bikes and 10 speeds and stuff, that's the seat, right?
1:30:52🔗
Adam
Your spin class, that's, that's what you get. Why sit on your own sack and cut off the blood supply to your own unit while you're pedaling your bike? Why not just let it aerate in there, right?
1:31:07🔗
Adam
That's right. As a matter of fact, I'm missing some. I'm going to talk about that later.
1:31:10🔗
Adam
Find some of that. Point is, is when I'm sleeping, why do I have to be sleeping on top of my hardened penis? Why can't you let it drop free? Could I have it drop into the mattress?
1:31:21🔗
Drew
And it could be the same hole that we use to put the condom loader in. So you roll into it, loads of condom attachments.
1:31:32🔗
Adam
Oh my God. Now just listen. Now just listen. Just listen. Let's suppose my penis is in this hole and I'm sawing logs and it's 5 a.m. and I have to tinkle. I have to tinkle. Do I get up? Hell no, I don't. Because there is a gutter. And this thing is just piped right out and just goes right into the sewer system. So whatever.
1:31:58🔗
Adam
And let's just say, Drew is a man of passion and he doesn't have a great gasket down there. And that can, that can.
1:32:06🔗
Fiona Horne
Well, maybe you could put a massage or like an enhancer into the mattress. You know, some kind of vibratory object.
1:32:16🔗
Adam
But this is, here's the thing about this. This is essentially garbage disposal in your mattress. You know, if you got to throw an old condom in there, if there's a beer bottle that needs disposing of, you know, let's just say, or now you got the chute thing, you're Recyclerama, smoking a joint, you're putting Recyclerama to it. Yeah, recycle, you're smoking a joint, and you hear the stepmoms coming up the stairs, and boom, it's all in there, all goes in, all of it.
1:33:22🔗
Adam
We'll take a, take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, hey, well, that's it. I want to thank Fiona Horne for coming in here tonight.
1:34:20🔗
Adam
Thank you for weaving your magical spell on us. Also, you can go to see the last issue, last month's issue of Playboy. You can see the real action. All right, we're going to take a little extendo break, 22 hours worth. Enjoy what's left of your Halloween. Until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.