Monday, October 3, 2005

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04🔗 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:08🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13🔗 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and it takes you page by page. Oh, for the love of Christ, I got up at 7 this morning, came to this very same goddamn studio to do morning radio.

1:38🔗 Drew You got up at 7 or you got here at 7?

1:41🔗 Adam I got up at 7, but I go to bed at 2. I don't go to bed at 1230. Like you're squirrely ass. Jenna Fischer is here tonight from The Office. Drew loves The Office.

1:49🔗 Drew I do like the show.

1:50🔗 Adam Everyone loves The Office. I'm not seeing The Office, but everyone loves The Office.

1:54🔗 Drew What's the matter with you?

1:55🔗 Adam It's one of these things where it's become a battle now. Everyone says, you will love The Office. You've got to see The Office. And if the hand, if I didn't feel like the man was putting so much pressure on me.

2:07🔗 Drew You can go watch it.

2:07🔗 Adam Yeah, cause then I get home.

2:09🔗 Drew Let me straighten it all out for you. Do not watch The Office. Do not watch it. I command you never to watch that show.

2:15🔗 Adam You think you're the boss of me? Go get me a tape of The Office. I watch it right now.

2:20🔗 Drew See how it works?

2:21🔗 Adam Go get it! No, but you know what it is when people, people, especially funny people you work with are constantly telling you, you need to do it, you need to, then you get home and you think, screw it, I'm watching Face Off for the fifth time.

2:34🔗 Jenna Fischer I was like that with Arrested Development. I like refused to watch it for a whole year and now I do. It's great though. I mean, totally worth it.

2:42🔗 Adam But don't you feel, I mean, is there a part of you with like Arrested Development or just as a creative person, it feels like I want to discover my funny shows. I don't want them posted on me.

2:53🔗 Drew Not only that, you always want to discover them for everybody else. Need I mention the Family Guy, which I can't enjoy because you discovered it.

3:00🔗 Adam I claimed the Family Guy five years ago when Drew wasn't interested in the Family Guy.

3:03🔗 Drew Yeah, but I got the Office. So you won't enjoy that? You just won't watch it. That's all. All right.

3:08🔗 Adam I'll watch the Office. You watch Arrested Development. I'll watch Arrested Development and we'll both watch the Family Guy. So anyway, Drew, why don't you you know, kiss some heinie here?

3:19🔗 Drew Yeah, I mean, what was the last time I said I'm excited about a guest? Like, let's see, this is a Monday, Tuesday, three years, 1987, 18 years, everybody. No, it's just a funny, funny show. Where do you guys film it?

3:30🔗 Jenna Fischer We film in Van Nuys, California.

3:32🔗 Drew Beautiful, beautiful.

3:34🔗 Adam Oh, you close your eyes. You're on the French Riviera.

3:36🔗 Jenna Fischer We're next to you at like a gun and ammo store.

3:39🔗 Yeah, well, who is anywhere?

3:41🔗 Adam That's everyone who lives in Van Nuys. Oh, impound.

3:44🔗 Jenna Fischer Line up at six in the morning to get their cars, to claim their cars.

3:47🔗 Drew You don't see Adam there?

3:50🔗 Jenna Fischer Did I see you there?

3:51🔗 Adam I've been to that one. I've been to almost every goddamn impound lot. Impound lot is the ultimate. We got something you want. You don't have it. And now you want to start digging deep, kissing ass and jumping through fiery hoops for us, because there's that there's that great. There's that piece of, you know, there's that sheet metal with the holes in it. And you're talking to the person who's got your car. The one I always like to do is like, we need to see registration. It's like, it's in the glove box of the car. We can't let you go there. Okay. We got what you call a little Tijuana standoff here. We got a little one of these things. It's going to be, it's going to be possible for me to liquefy myself, go sneak under the gate, crawling through the exhaust pipe and pop up in the goddamn glove box. Well, we can't let you. I like those kinds of things. Yeah. That's what I do. I keep the registration on my person. So when my car gets impounded, I have it right, right in my lapel pocket. I keep it rolled up and put in my lapel. That's where I keep my registration.

4:48🔗 Drew Where you're like, there's like a scroll.

4:50🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, I keep it like a scroll.

4:51🔗 Adam And then I have my squire come in. Hear ye, hear ye. The in the date of 1985 said Celica was purchased by Lord Adam from Cal Worthington. Yeah, that's have you ever, Jenna, have you ever had things impounded?

5:04🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, I had my car impounded once.

5:06🔗 Adam Awesome.

5:07🔗 Jenna Fischer It was awful.

5:07🔗 Drew No, wait a minute. That's a that's a purely Los Angeles experience. You must be from out here.

5:12🔗 Jenna Fischer No, no, I'm from St. Louis, Missouri, originally. But my car was impounded here in Los Angeles. Yeah, when I was here. Yeah.

5:17🔗 Drew Well, the police departments, other cities have too busy fighting crimes and things.

5:21🔗 Adam Right. We do tons of impounding. We do we do more more impounding in this city than all other major cities put together. I I'm the only guy I know who said four motorcycles impounded motorcycles. Motorcycles impounded, baby.

5:40🔗 Jenna Fischer My the charges to get my car out of impound were more than what my car was worth. Because they charge you by the hour and there's a minimum 48 hour stay.

5:48🔗 Adam Yeah.

5:49🔗 Jenna Fischer Like, I don't know what your car has to be there for for 48 hours. But then after 48 hours, you can claim your car.

5:54🔗 Adam Well, that's the beauty of the impound lot, too, because they have a clock that is not on the Geneva time or wherever the atomic clock is. They have their own clock, which is they towed my motorcycle on a Thursday night about 1130 at night and I showed up Friday morning at 7. That's two days. Right. That's two days because we got it on a Thursday and now it's Friday. No, I'm like it's seven and a half hours. No, no, it's two days. And I was saying to them, why don't you charge three days? Like, you know, go for broke, baby. You got the bike. No one can do anything about it. You hold all the cards. Just, just here's what I'm saying. If you're going to rape, don't just do that thing where you grab a boob and French kiss me. Start pounding my ass. If you're going to rape me. I mean, as long as you're in rape mode, start raping. That's the whole thing about this city. I want to just tell all the fine folks who wear the badge here in Los Angeles and especially in Burbank, Glendale area. You guys are not living up to your full rape potential. You're only half raping your citizens at this point. Sure, you're writing them chicken ass tickets for jaywalking and burbank. Sure, you're impounding everything that has four wheels. Sure, you're pulling people over and writing them tickets for no front license plate and nothing else and tickets that don't even exist in other cities. You're writing. But I say you could do better. I say first off, why pull people over? Why don't you just show up at their house and start writing tickets when they're in their bathrobe? They could do that. Another thing you guys aren't doing, I don't see you sifting through the car, emptying the change thing like a bad valet. You could be ripping off Thomas guides. You could actually be holding the citizens and shaking them by their feet until change in their wallet fell out. Yeah. Why wait to be paid when the guy gets to the courthouse? Why not take what's in the wallet there and then give them the ticket? All I'm saying is, you're sort of in half-rape mode. That's all I'm saying. You guys really want to raise money.

7:44🔗 Drew What to make it the violent crime it is?

7:46🔗 Adam Really? Just go with it. Just start ripping things out. Rip the spare tire out of the car. Steal that. Just strip the car when you pull it over. Just pretend you're Mexican police now. Just start going insane. Because we're sort of in this purgatory of being half-raped by the cops in this city and not completely penetrating.

8:05🔗 Drew It's kind of insulting.

8:06🔗 Adam Yeah, it is insulting. It really is. It makes you feel like I'm not attractive as a rape victim and a citizen. And by the way, do they even call them citizens or are they just perps and rape victims now?

8:16🔗 Drew Well, survivors.

8:18🔗 Adam Oh, the city. More chicken ass. I just had to have my front license plate. I just had to spend 70 man hours on finding my front license plate and affixing it to the front of my car where there's no place to put it because we have that law.

8:32🔗 Jenna Fischer There's a new law.

8:32🔗 Adam In this city where we don't have it in other cities.

8:35🔗 Drew The reason we have it, of course, is so you can get your picture taken as you move through.

8:38🔗 Jenna Fischer The red lights.

8:39🔗 Drew The red lights.

8:39🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah.

8:40🔗 Adam Right. Awesome. Awesome. Still haven't figured out a way to synchronize the lights at all, but they got those cameras and strobe lights up.

8:48🔗 Drew So how do you like being on the office anyway? Oh, yeah.

8:50🔗 Adam The office.

8:50🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah. I love being on the office. It's like a total dream job. I mean, it's exactly as much fun as you might think it is.

8:58🔗 Adam Really?

8:59🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah. It really is. Yeah.

9:00🔗 Adam You feel lucky?

9:01🔗 Jenna Fischer I feel, yeah, I feel lucky and blessed and-

9:05🔗 Adam That's the key to happiness.

9:06🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah. Luckiness.

9:08🔗 Adam Feel, feel. No, not luckiness. Blessness.

9:11🔗 Jenna Fischer Feeling blessed?

9:11🔗 Adam Well, look at it this way. If you wake up, well, listen, listen, let me get philosophical for a second. Oh, please. If you wake up in the morning and your husband or your, you're not, you feel like you could have done better than your husband or your wife. You feel you could have done better than your house that you're living in or the car that you're driving that's being impounded. Or the job that you have. Like if you have, if you show me a guy who goes to work and says, wow, I'm getting paid more than I deserve, I'll show you a happy guy. You show me a guy who goes to work and goes, wow, I'm getting paid less than I deserve, I'll show you an unhappy guy even if it's the same amount. Right.

9:45🔗 Drew You're right.

9:46🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

9:47🔗 Drew Very philosophical.

9:47🔗 Adam Well, that's the key to happiness.

9:49🔗 Drew Kierkegaard would be proud.

9:50🔗 Adam Thank you. Yeah. So you're happy.

9:54🔗 Jenna Fischer I am happy. Yeah. This is the happiest I've ever been.

9:57🔗 Adam Right. Do you have weird dark moods though, where you cry and punch things?

10:01🔗 Jenna Fischer On the set? No.

10:02🔗 Adam Privately.

10:03🔗 Jenna Fischer Of course, privately. Never at work. I'm very professional.

10:07🔗 Adam All right. We're back. I resent people that enjoy their work.

10:12🔗 Drew Yeah. I know. You had to break her down.

10:14🔗 Adam I had to break her down.

10:16🔗 Drew That was the most backdoor I've ever seen you go at that.

10:18🔗 Adam As long as you have those dark moments of doubt and despair, I'm fine with you.

10:22🔗 Jenna Fischer Yes, definitely.

10:22🔗 Drew Yeah.

10:23🔗 Adam You know the one I hate? I hate when people do, they always do it in those games too. They do it in sports where they go, the day you're not having fun, it's time to quit. If you're not having fun out there, if you're not having fun and they do it like athletes do that, where they go like, you know, I went out, I started playing ball and I realized I just wasn't having fun anymore and that was time to hang up the cleats, time to quit.

10:44🔗 Drew Translation.

10:45🔗 Adam Thirteen million a year didn't keep you out working four months out of the year and not having fun. What do you think people drive garbage trucks and meter maids? Do you think they have fun? Guys who do roofing and scrape asphalt, is that fun? What is that part? Who likes their job besides Jenna?

11:00🔗 Drew Well, I like my job, but that's a translation that requires interpretation, which is, he was sucking, he was in the twilight of his career, and he wanted to go out swinging and like that.

11:10🔗 Adam And it's a steroid allegation coming up in a couple of days. That means stop having fun. All right, we stop having fun, it's time to quit. Jessica?

11:19🔗 Yes?

11:20🔗 Adam I gotta go, I'm not enjoying this anymore.

11:22🔗 Drew 22.

11:23🔗 Adam It's okay, but I'd rather leave.

11:25🔗 Drew What's up?

11:25🔗 Adam Not having fun.

11:27🔗 What was that?

11:28🔗 Adam Go ahead, 22, go ahead baby doll.

11:31🔗 Okay, so, you know that machine at the gym, it's more like a contraption, you get on it with your upper body, you hold yourself up and you bring your legs up to your stomach.

11:42🔗 Drew Yes, that abdominal crunch machine. Yeah.

11:45🔗 Adam Right.

11:46🔗 So, if I do that enough times, I orgasm.

11:52🔗 Jenna Fischer Really? Yeah. Tell me more about the machine.

11:56🔗 Adam Do they have a home edition?

11:56🔗 You have to do it a whole bunch. But...

11:59🔗 Jenna Fischer Like how many repetitions?

12:01🔗 You have to do a few sets and then maybe...

12:06🔗 Drew Well, listen, there are some women... Listen, Jessica, there are some women that can have that experience just with leg lifts or with, say, hanging from a bar and lifting their legs up a few times.

12:15🔗 Same thing.

12:16🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

12:16🔗 Adam And there's others, conversely, that I could get on top of for two hours straight in nothing.

12:21🔗 Drew Nothing.

12:22🔗 Nothing.

12:22🔗 Adam Not with a flat bar, could you get an orgasm out of them?

12:25🔗 Drew Jessica would have the same experience if she were to work on her.

12:27🔗 Adam I would be very angry if I found out about how pliable you were at the gym and how unforgiving you were with me.

12:33🔗 Drew I even spoke to a male that had this experience, which I found very bizarre. At the gym?

12:38🔗 Adam Hold on a second. That's gay, brain tumor, what's going on?

12:42🔗 Drew You worry about spinal tumors and stuff, right.

12:44🔗 Adam What's going on with that?

12:45🔗 Drew I don't know. It was one guy. Gay? No, no. The whole thing with the ab workout thing was...

12:51🔗 Jenna Fischer Really?

12:52🔗 Adam I'd just say gay because it's a different...

12:54🔗 Jenna Fischer Most people hate doing abs. No, I know. It's like the exercise you don't look forward to.

12:58🔗 Drew Jessica does that all day.

12:58🔗 Jenna Fischer Clearly not.

12:59🔗 Drew Yeah. Clearly not for Jessica.

13:01🔗 Adam You know the thing where gay guys say they don't care about looking at guys in the shower at the gym?

13:05🔗 Drew I know that bugs you. Because even you like looking at guys in the gym.

13:08🔗 Adam I'll check a dude out.

13:10🔗 Drew Just imagine if you were gay, there would be a fiesta.

13:12🔗 Adam You talk to gay guys and you're like, wow, it must be awesome. You go to the valleys, you step into the shower, you step into the locker room, there's a whole bunch of nude dudes with great builds on them. Oh, please don't flatter yourself. So I was like, well, what do you mean you don't like looking at nude dudes? You got to go to a stack of gay porn underneath your bed. You don't like looking at nude? That's not a tech, but if I could walk into the woman's locker room and just sort of hang about.

13:39🔗 Drew Which Jenna, sorry, but it's been Adam's secret fantasy. He's always wanted to be invisible. So he could go into women's locker room.

13:45🔗 Adam So I could do that, yeah.

13:46🔗 Drew It's always been his fantasy.

13:47🔗 Adam Yeah, I watched a lot of those 80s movies with Scott Bale. Do that kind of stuff. A lot of shower action going on. All right, you ready to go?

13:56🔗 Drew Are we done with Jessica? Yeah. The fact is, yes, it does happen, Jessica. Some lucky people have that talent and that's you.

14:02🔗 Adam There's gay guys that are to go to the gym three and four times a day, Drew. You know what I'm talking about? Remember we used to go to that gym in Hollywood? There were guys.

14:10🔗 Drew Always there.

14:11🔗 Adam Always. Of course. Like if you, well, not you, but Drew.

14:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

14:15🔗 Adam If every time you went to the gym, you just headed in a ladies locker room instead of the men's. Which tend to do a little less working out at home, a little less working out at home, hitting the gym. Honey, this is the fourth time this after. Don't worry. Getting in shape for you.

14:29🔗 Drew And this Jessica's thing does not tend to be the multi-orgasmic type.

14:34🔗 Adam Oh really?

14:34🔗 Drew Yeah. Which I know you'll find bizarre.

14:36🔗 Adam You're not hearing it in her voice.

14:38🔗 Drew They tend not to be that person.

14:39🔗 Adam Are you multi-orgasmic, Jessica?

14:42🔗 Well, oh, yes.

14:44🔗 Drew No, no, wait a minute. Very easily. But you can have a couple, but you don't know one of these people that has 50.

14:50🔗 Well, true.

14:51🔗 I can have four.

14:52🔗 Right, right. The sequential. And I can do them in pretty short increments of time, too.

14:58🔗 Drew But sequential is different than the repetitive.

15:00🔗 Adam She can have four in a short increment of time.

15:03🔗 Drew I'm telling you, it's a dill different physiology.

15:04🔗 Adam I would count her amongst my multi-orgasmic friends.

15:08🔗 Drew But she's sequential multi. There's sequential and those people that just have no refractoriness.

15:13🔗 Adam All right. Drew, semantics.

15:15🔗 One of my questions is, though, that my boyfriend, I think he's a little offended that I can get it that way. And he claims that I don't really know what an orgasm is.

15:23🔗 Drew No, no.

15:24🔗 I know.

15:25🔗 Drew He's just not... He's not tuned in. Women are so very different one to the other in terms of how they function this way biologically, and he's just not been with somebody like you, and he thinks you must be making it up and lying or whatever. And people get very confused about this because each woman is so different.

15:39🔗 Adam Well, I think a lot of guys also apply their orgasm, their rigorous orgasm standards to the woman. Like you've got to produce something.

15:46🔗 Drew Well, it's what they experience or what they've seen in other women.

15:50🔗 Adam Well, no, I just mean almost their definition of what it is for them.

15:55🔗 Drew Yeah, right.

15:55🔗 Adam You know, once in a while we get those jackoffs in here, like they write those books, the 100 orgasm male or something, and then the guy comes in and it's like, how do you have 100 orgasms every time you make love? And it's like short electrical pulses. Well, nothing's coming out of you, though, right? Well, that happens one time. And then there's these pulses. Oh, shut up. Idiot. For those guys.

16:17🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

16:18🔗 Adam Here's the thing. You have 100 orgasms. That's that's 100 bullets in that clip.

16:22🔗 Drew Yeah.

16:23🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

16:23🔗 Drew You turn inside out.

16:25🔗 Adam Yeah, or die trying.

16:28🔗 Drew Hey, the guy that wrote that book and was in here, he died. I know.

16:30🔗 Adam I know. I know.

16:32🔗 Drew Thanks Anderson for sharing us out.

16:33🔗 Adam That's awesome, buddy. Awesome.

16:35🔗 Drew He's dead.

16:36🔗 Adam Awesome, Anderson.

16:37🔗 Drew Well done.

16:38🔗 Adam Yeah, it's great. Sarah?

16:40🔗 Yes.

16:41🔗 Adam You're 19?

16:42🔗 Caller Yes.

16:45🔗 Adam I just think about Anderson's incredible impulses.

16:48🔗 Drew Where do you go? They don't disappoint. Come on.

16:50🔗 Adam No, they're very predictable.

16:52🔗 Drew Painful death.

16:54🔗 Adam Sarah? Yes. It's funny he's describing his life in a very sad, poetic way.

17:01🔗 Drew I'm going to quit soon. I'm cool.

17:03🔗 Adam Okay. Sarah? What? You're 19?

17:07🔗 Caller Yes.

17:07🔗 Adam What's up?

17:09🔗 Caller I have a textbook for my sexuality and health class in college. It says that the G-spot only exists in some women.

17:19🔗 Drew That is true.

17:20🔗 Caller Is that true?

17:21🔗 Jenna Fischer That's true.

17:22🔗 Drew Yeah. Most women have no special feeling with intercourse.

17:27🔗 Jenna Fischer No special feeling?

17:28🔗 Drew I mean, no G-spot type thing. Nothing that can build the orgasm. They need direct stimulation. About 60% of women have no G-spot experience.

17:36🔗 Adam Well, what is the G?

17:37🔗 Drew For Jenna, that's very confusing. Hold on. Let her absorb that for a second.

17:40🔗 Adam She may be a woman of passion, but you are a man of passion.

17:44🔗 Jenna Fischer Meaning, so like when I've heard women say, oh, I can only have an orgasm using...

17:47🔗 Drew Oral sex or vibrate.

17:49🔗 Jenna Fischer Right. That's because they don't have a G-spot.

17:50🔗 Drew They have nothing in there.

17:52🔗 Jenna Fischer Wow.

17:52🔗 Drew So women, listen, what makes you a woman, two huge X chromosomes, highly diverse genetic information on each chromosome. What makes us males, one little piece of material, kind of like Y chromosome. Simple, very uniform, the same in all the males. Women have all this tremendous genetic diversity, of course, can be very, very different. So 60% of women never have orgasm with intercourse. 60%! 60%.

18:16🔗 Caller Oh, wow.

18:17🔗 Drew Jenny, are you alright?

18:18🔗 Adam In poker, you call that a tell.

18:22🔗 Jenna Fischer Wow. I didn't know that.

18:24🔗 Adam According to my calculations, it's into the high 80s, low 90s.

18:28🔗 Drew In his field work.

18:30🔗 Adam Yeah, from the data I've collected in the field, conservatively 94, 95% conservatively. Yeah. So, but does that have to do with the G-spot?

18:41🔗 Drew You know, people argue what that is all about. Some combination of physical, autonomic, structural.

18:47🔗 Adam Sarah, do you have anything? Do you have a G-spot?

18:51🔗 Caller No, I don't think I do.

18:52🔗 Drew Right. There you go. That's fine. It's just a different genetic biological configuration. We talked to the other girl.

18:58🔗 Jenna Fischer And she would be in the majority.

19:00🔗 Drew She would be in the majority. That last girl we talked to, what was her name? I don't know. Jessica? Unusual, rare. And 10% of women have multi-orgasms. 10% of, like 5% have multi-multi-multi-orgasms. They have no refractoriness and they just keep having orgasms until exhaustion. Jessica is in this phase where they can have sequentially multiple orgasms, but there's some refractoriness in between. And they can do that three or four times.

19:25🔗 Adam Is she is Grafenberg?

19:27🔗 Drew Yeah, Grafenberg's partner.

19:28🔗 Adam I want to spot.

19:29🔗 Drew Corolla spot?

19:32🔗 Adam Yeah, it'll be on the sofa. That's what I was thinking. But still a spot named after me that men go to during sex. Or possibly just after. Honey, I'm going to my C spot.

19:43🔗 Drew How about the refrigerator?

19:45🔗 Adam Well, that's my refractory.

19:48🔗 Drew Yeah, that's the R spot.

19:49🔗 Adam That's the R spot. Yeah. Yeah. And then you go to the R spot, then you go to the C spot. All right. And then let's see. Who do you want to talk to, Drew? Jenny? Did Speed for three weeks. What the hell's... What? Speed is... I've tried Speed. It's not enjoyable. It just isn't. Why? Well, who's into that? Why is everyone so into that?

20:11🔗 Drew It's like saying why do opiates appeal to some people and not to others? Because again, it's a different pilot.

20:16🔗 Adam That part where it's like, yeah, you don't sleep, sounds... It's like, here's a drug. It makes you not like pizza.

20:22🔗 Drew Yeah.

20:23🔗 Adam Why do I want to take that? I like pizza. I love to sleep. It's my life.

20:29🔗 Drew That's why you're fat.

20:31🔗 Adam Jenny? Oh.

20:32🔗 Hi.

20:33🔗 Adam You're 20?

20:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

20:35🔗 Adam You did Speed for three weeks?

20:36🔗 Caller No, no, no. I did it three weeks ago.

20:39🔗 Adam All right.

20:40🔗 Caller I did it three weeks ago and tonight, I just found out I was pregnant.

20:43🔗 Drew All right.

20:44🔗 Adam And did it one time.

20:45🔗 Caller I did it one time.

20:46🔗 And so I was just sleeping.

20:49🔗 Drew Probably gonna be okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, obviously-

20:52🔗 Caller You okay and everything?

20:53🔗 Drew Well, it's obviously not a good thing for the pregnancy, but did you smoke it or shoot it or?

21:00🔗 Caller I smoked it once and then I started it.

21:03🔗 Adam Smoked it. Well, here's the main problem with the child potentially is you're gonna be raising it, not the smaller one.

21:10🔗 Caller Well, it was my first time doing it. Like, I'm not a bad person.

21:13🔗 Caller I don't-

21:13🔗 Drew You smoked? Well, listen, people that do drugs aren't bad people. They just do drugs. And your first time out, you smoke speed?

21:21🔗 Caller Yeah.

21:21🔗 Caller Like, my friend, she just had it. And I was just having a rough week. And she was like, here, do it with me.

21:26🔗 Caller Blah, blah, blah, blah.

21:27🔗 Caller Wow.

21:27🔗 Caller So I did it.

21:29🔗 Adam Yeah, I could see that. You're pliable when you're 20.

21:33🔗 Drew Smoking speed for someone.

21:34🔗 Adam I think I smoked crack once when I was like 19. I came out of my apartment. Some kind of.

21:40🔗 Caller So the effects to the baby. Why be bad?

21:42🔗 Caller Like, it's not going to.

21:43🔗 Drew No. Well, listen, we can't guarantee.

21:47🔗 Adam Where's your dad? And where's the dad?

21:50🔗 Caller Oh, he's we're together. We've been together for five years.

21:53🔗 Adam Oh, really?

21:54🔗 Drew Since you were 15, how old is he?

21:56🔗 Adam He's starting 42.

21:58🔗 Drew How old?

21:59🔗 Caller 26.

22:01🔗 Jenna Fischer Have you been to your doctor yet?

22:03🔗 Caller No, I just found out tonight.

22:05🔗 Caller I just found out.

22:07🔗 Adam Let me do some math here. 15 and 21?

22:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

22:13🔗 Drew Well, that means she was running away from home, really. So are you getting abused at home?

22:17🔗 Caller No.

22:18🔗 Drew Why are we running away to a 21-year-old who's 15?

22:20🔗 Adam Why are you dating a 21-year-old? Yeah, 15.

22:23🔗 Caller I don't know. He was immature and I was mature. And I mean, it worked out because we're still together.

22:28🔗 Caller So.

22:29🔗 Drew Yeah, now you're pregnant.

22:30🔗 Adam What's he doing?

22:32🔗 Caller He's a teacher.

22:35🔗 Drew He wasn't your teacher at the time, was he?

22:36🔗 Caller Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, nothing like that.

22:39🔗 Caller That way before, he's a teacher now.

22:41🔗 Jenna Fischer Were you like trying to get pregnant or?

22:43🔗 Caller No, I wasn't. It was an accident. I mean, we weren't being safe about it, but I mean, it's my own fault, but I just, I just, I mean, mainly my reason for calling was just to make sure that the baby's going to be okay.

22:56🔗 Drew Well, nobody can guarantee you that.

22:58🔗 Adam Well, aren't you guys, are you guys going to get married?

23:00🔗 Caller Yeah, definitely.

23:02🔗 Adam All right.

23:02🔗 Jenna Fischer Well, see, you know, see your doctor and they do a bunch of blood tests for you and they'll give you like prenatal. He had a little bit of vitamins, but did the blood test show anything like that?

23:08🔗 Drew No.

23:09🔗 Jenna Fischer No, they wouldn't.

23:10🔗 Drew You won't know until the baby's born.

23:11🔗 Adam Oh, look at the kid. Look, first off, all the smoking and drinking that went on in the fifties, forties, the sixties, all the drug taking. First off, women who get pregnant and don't know they got pregnant are usually the ones that are younger, that are ill-informed, that are doing a lot of drinking, they're doing a lot of partying. Half of them got pregnant the night they were high. You know what I'm saying?

23:34🔗 Drew But you could argue that the baby hadn't implanted yet and wasn't getting the stuff out of the mother system.

23:40🔗 Adam I'm saying historically, I don't know what the numbers are, but I guarantee they're staggering the number of women that have smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and ingested drugs somewhere in the first trimester when they didn't know the child was in them.

23:55🔗 Drew Certainly, a single exposure is not that big a deal. Kids make it out okay that their mom's doing speed the whole time.

24:01🔗 Adam What about when people didn't know drinking and smoking was bad for you? Were you giving birth to a lot of kids with no arms and two hands?

24:08🔗 Drew It is amazing how resilient the human body is. Except for the toxins, Adam.

24:14🔗 Adam It's resilient. It's not resilient. It's amazing how much we overblow everything.

24:18🔗 Drew No, no. We need to be careful. But we're resilient.

24:20🔗 Adam Well, we need to be careful so we say if you have one drink, you're going to turn your baby into a junior college student. No, it sounds bad, but that's below retard for me. It's Dullard, Junior College, it's Creighton.

24:39🔗 Drew Idiot.

24:40🔗 Adam Wait a minute, Drew.

24:41🔗 Drew Hold on.

24:43🔗 Adam Imbecile. Yeah, and then Creighton, and then Dullard, and then Idiot, and then Publicist, and then Junior College is at the bottom of that. Yeah, that's what I was trying to come up with in my pecking order. Did I say Publicist? They're on two lists. They're on the A-hole list, too. They're just below attorney.

25:03🔗 Drew Some must just happen again.

25:04🔗 Adam No, I'm just tired.

25:06🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. That's all.

25:07🔗 Adam That's all.

25:08🔗 Drew Let's take a break.

25:09🔗 Adam Jenna Fischer here tonight from the best show on television. So says Drew.

25:14🔗 Drew Two thumbs up.

25:15🔗 Adam The Office, 930 NBC, Tuesday nights. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Want to dress up your sex life? Visit durx.com. Yeah, it's Loveline of Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE. 1-9-1 Disturbed coming in here tomorrow night. Jenna Fischer is here tonight from The Office. Best show on television, except for perhaps Arrested Development, but I have to-

26:03🔗 Drew No, I like Office better.

26:04🔗 Adam Office better? Well, it's one of those shows that was, I guess everyone loved when it was out of Britain, and then usually we take the idea and then we screw it up.

26:13🔗 Drew No, it made it better.

26:14🔗 Adam But it made it better.

26:15🔗 Drew I'm curious how you guys stage and execute all that. Yeah. Because it's so much movement, it seems so natural, how they pull that all off.

26:24🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, it's almost all completely scripted. We do some improv, but a lot less than I think people think we do.

26:31🔗 Drew It looks like it's like 80 percent improv.

26:33🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, it's totally not. It's almost all scripted, and we just have these great guys who do the camera work. They were actually the camera guys on Survivor. And so they're used to kind of like capturing exciting footage, and they just have an eye for like the drama of a scene. It's really cool.

26:47🔗 Drew Do you rehearse this stuff much, or you just go right to it?

26:49🔗 Jenna Fischer No, we rehearse it right before we do it, but we don't rehearse it like play or anything. But you know, we all get there every morning at the same time. We all arrive at 6 a.m., and we stay all day till 6 p.m., and we sit at our desks, and we like fake work all day, because we kind of might be in the scene in the background. And so we kind of like sit in an office all day.

27:09🔗 Drew She loves her job.

27:10🔗 Jenna Fischer Literally.

27:11🔗 Adam Yeah, in time, I'm reading here Types. Drew comes here and fake works for two hours a night. Types 85.

27:17🔗 Drew That could be one of the scenes, you never know.

27:20🔗 Adam Words per minute, 90%. 90% accuracy.

27:24🔗 Jenna Fischer I'm very proud of that.

27:25🔗 Adam I would be too.

27:26🔗 Jenna Fischer It's a skill. Yeah. Some people can do certain things like, I don't know, tap dance or sing, and I can type though.

27:34🔗 Adam Right, some people can do things that can make them millions of dollars a year. Sure, people do things that make them 35,000 a year.

27:39🔗 Jenna Fischer Make them about 35,000 dollars a year.

27:41🔗 Adam But you're still proud. No, but you know what I like about that? You own it, baby.

27:44🔗 Jenna Fischer I own it. I took typing in high school. And you're good at it. Yeah, I went to a girl's school and it was part of our curriculum.

27:51🔗 Adam Hot.

27:51🔗 Jenna Fischer And I was, yeah, really, I was offended by it when I had to take typing class. I thought that was offensive.

27:56🔗 Caller Oh, really?

27:57🔗 Adam Because you're a female being forced to type.

27:58🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, it was a girl's school. Why do we have to take typing?

28:00🔗 Caller Yeah, they don't do it in the boys' school.

28:02🔗 Jenna Fischer No, no. But we did and I got an A. And that was like how I earned all my money for like five years while I was out here trying to be an actress.

28:11🔗 Drew So administrative assisting.

28:12🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah.

28:13🔗 Drew What kind of business did you work for?

28:14🔗 Jenna Fischer I worked mostly in like banking, finance, places like that. I never worked like in the entertainment industry.

28:20🔗 Adam A substantial person. I'll tell you, everyone should learn to type. I cannot type at all. I don't read very well and I can't spell.

28:29🔗 Drew I'm like maniacs now. That's because they're on the internet all the time.

28:31🔗 Jenna Fischer Do they type correctly? Are they learning typing? Or are they self-taught?

28:35🔗 Drew It's all brr-brr-brr-brr-brr.

28:37🔗 Adam It doesn't matter. It's still 70 words a minute. Who cares?

28:40🔗 Drew It's crazy.

28:41🔗 Adam But the thing about typing, I think it's sort of like golf. You can shoot a good game and have bad form, but you never get to the next level unless you really actually do it right, the way they want you to do it. But then, if you're just sitting, I mean, your kids are just going to be sitting in their lonely apartment, shooting their pen pals back and forth.

29:02🔗 Drew God willing.

29:03🔗 Adam Well, they're not writing any books or anything. Let's be honest, Drew, it's going to be a fast free fall after they leave the Pinsky House.

29:08🔗 Drew You're in a horror movie?

29:10🔗 Adam What movie?

29:11🔗 Drew Horror movie?

29:12🔗 Jenna Fischer A horror movie? I am, yeah. It's called Slither and it's coming out in March of next year.

29:18🔗 Adam Do you type in it?

29:20🔗 Jenna Fischer I do type in it.

29:21🔗 Adam There'd be a horror movie for me watching someone type for an hour and a half.

29:25🔗 Jenna Fischer I play a police dispatcher. And I have to do some typing, yeah.

29:29🔗 Adam And you don't have to do the stunt fingers either.

29:31🔗 Jenna Fischer No, no, I really do it, yeah.

29:33🔗 Adam I'll tell you, there's two things I wish I could do. Type and play the trombone. But I would type. You know, when I went to school.

29:41🔗 Drew Why the trombone?

29:43🔗 Adam Why not? It's such a great, happy. It's the only drunk instrument. It's a hot instrument.

29:51🔗 Caller Womp, womp, womp.

29:53🔗 Drew Yeah, you have to do that.

29:54🔗 Adam Yeah, and you could put the mute in it at the end. You know, hold your hand. It's nice when you get rockin. You know, it's nice. It's just off the path far enough to be cool, but not so crazy where you're playing the lute and no one cares. Yeah, you have to explain it to everyone. And it has a cool case. It's a case that looks like what it is. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Okay. So, there, typing.

30:14🔗 Jenna Fischer Typing.

30:14🔗 Adam Someone should have forced me to take that in high school, Drew.

30:16🔗 Drew This should start with reading, though.

30:18🔗 Adam Okay. And then gone. What was the first one?

30:21🔗 Drew Reading.

30:21🔗 Adam Reading. Then typing. What's that place where you keep the books, but people borrow them?

30:27🔗 Drew Library.

30:27🔗 Adam Library. But it doesn't have the word book in it, so it's always, it doesn't stick.

30:32🔗 Drew Terribly confusing.

30:33🔗 Adam Who would want to borrow a book? You know what I mean?

30:35🔗 Drew Yeah, it's weird.

30:36🔗 Adam Joe?

30:37🔗 Drew Yeah.

30:38🔗 Adam You're 24?

30:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:40🔗 Adam What's going on? I'll tell you something. When I'm in charge, I'm going to clean out all the libraries, all the junior colleges, all the places where people, even Starbucks, where people just sort of mill about all day. They just stagnate. Like, I'm going to walk in to libraries and start ringing a cowbell. And I'm going to go, look, it's 1.15 in the afternoon. It's Tuesday. What the F are all you people doing here? And here's the deal. This is a snow globe. I'm shaking it. I need to get you people moving. I don't know what happened. What's going wrong in your life? What's your excuse is for being here, but I don't need to start moving.

31:13🔗 Drew His dad used to go to the library hangout and check out nylon records.

31:18🔗 Adam He actually got records from the library. And not weird stuff. He wasn't hearing impaired or anything. It wasn't any special program. He'd just actually go home and listen to records.

31:33🔗 Drew I want to be on the office. That'd be a dream come true.

31:35🔗 Jenna Fischer Drew, you should be on the office.

31:37🔗 Caller Drew, you cannot act.

31:38🔗 Adam You can't act.

31:39🔗 Drew It doesn't matter. It looks perfect in that environment.

31:43🔗 Jenna Fischer You know, a lot of times we hire people with little or no acting experience because it's more real.

31:48🔗 Adam They're natural, but not true.

31:51🔗 Drew If you need somebody to play a cigar store Indian, that's true, like a wooden Indian. No, I wish my way out of the family guy. I want to wish my way out of the office.

32:02🔗 Jenna Fischer I'll tell Greg.

32:03🔗 Adam You told me to talk to Seth MacFarlane.

32:06🔗 Drew I talked to Mila and I talked to Seth Green also. Please.

32:10🔗 Adam Joe?

32:11🔗 Drew Yeah. First of all, I'm going to beg my way out of the two. Hold on a second.

32:14🔗 Adam I got to say something I remember that was funny. Which was, Jimmy reminded me of it. Mila Kunich, Kunis was in here. She does one of the voices on the Family Guy.

32:26🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, I did. I know her. Yeah, I met her.

32:28🔗 Adam The voice of Meg and Drew was going nuts on her to get her a gig on the Family Guy. Yeah, to get to get Drew a gig on the Family Guy and I said, bugging Mila for a job on the Family Guy is like bugging a Dalmatian for a job as a fireman. You're talking to the wrong person. Now, she wasn't offended because I don't think she knew enough to be pissed off at the time. And she thought it was a dig on Drew, but it really was sort of a dig on her.

33:00🔗 Drew Right, right.

33:01🔗 Adam But it sort of slid under the radar.

33:03🔗 Drew Oh, that's funny.

33:04🔗 Adam Joe?

33:05🔗 Caller Yeah, what's going on, guys?

33:06🔗 Adam All right, sorry, 24, what's up, my brother?

33:09🔗 Caller I got a question. Is it possible to get gonorrhea from oral? Absolutely.

33:16🔗 Drew Yes, yes it is.

33:17🔗 Caller How it is?

33:18🔗 Drew Yeah, well, what's up?

33:20🔗 Adam More difficult to get it from oral?

33:22🔗 Drew No, if you got somebody, if you put your mouth with this active disease, you're going to get it.

33:28🔗 Adam OK, well, what if she puts her mouth where there's? Yeah, yeah, there's no you can't have anything in your mouth.

33:34🔗 Drew Can't I mean, if she had just like a prostate or something, they typically will have that.

33:38🔗 Caller Oh, really?

33:39🔗 Caller Yeah, who knows?

33:40🔗 Caller Oh, because I was having sex with my girlfriend, anal sex, and we weren't using a condom. And then I had oral from another girl. And I'm not sure if I got a diagram of this.

33:49🔗 Drew Hold on a second. You know what I'm saying?

33:51🔗 Jenna Fischer Was this all in the same time? Like the same night? Like a threesome?

33:56🔗 Caller Yeah, one night right after the next.

33:59🔗 Adam Wow. That's two lifetimes for me sexually.

34:04🔗 Drew Not for Jenna though. She didn't seem to flinch at that.

34:06🔗 Adam No.

34:06🔗 Drew No, take her down.

34:07🔗 Adam No, fast fingers.

34:09🔗 Jenna Fischer That sounds like so familiar.

34:12🔗 Adam The oral fecal route.

34:14🔗 Drew Is that you?

34:15🔗 Adam Not a great route to take, yes Drew?

34:17🔗 Drew No, oral fecal is not a good way to do it. That's a way to get other kinds of diseases that are not particularly thought of as sexually transmitted. But all the stuff people were worried about in New Orleans, that's the stuff you can get through the oral fecal route.

34:28🔗 Adam What kind of animal would have anal sex with his girlfriend one night and then oral sex with another girl the following night?

34:35🔗 Jenna Fischer I thought it was the same night.

34:36🔗 Drew Same night.

34:37🔗 Adam Oh, I thought it was the following day. Same day? Yeah. But not at the same time?

34:43🔗 Caller No, no, no, no.

34:45🔗 Drew Not simultaneous, but same night.

34:46🔗 Adam I understand. And one of them is your girlfriend or both of them are your girlfriends? How does this work?

34:51🔗 Caller One of them is my girlfriend and another one is just a girl I keep on the side.

34:54🔗 Drew Oh, of course. Mr. Walter Raleigh, you know. Yeah, all right.

34:58🔗 Adam Not dead.

35:01🔗 Drew These guys have the energy and the time for this.

35:03🔗 Adam I don't know. After good anal session, I'm 10. That's my thing. I hit the C spot after. And by the way, after I hit the A spot, I go right to C.

35:16🔗 Drew What was she thinking when he came courting her way? Where are you being, Joe?

35:23🔗 Adam Yeah, I know. Someone eats garlic and I know it.

35:26🔗 Drew Put your mouth here. What?

35:28🔗 Adam What?

35:29🔗 Drew Oh my God.

35:30🔗 Adam No, I'm just saying, like, yeah, you know, Drew, we go to the bathroom. I eat asparagus. I take a whiz. You're like, whoa.

35:35🔗 Drew I fall out of the room.

35:36🔗 Adam You're on the other side of the thing. Imagine one could detect this.

35:41🔗 Drew Yeah. Well, let's, let me get, let's get into some of the nitty gritty, as it were, here with Joe. Why are you, why are we talking about gonorrhea here? How did that even enter into this luscious equation?

35:53🔗 Caller Well, cause I woke up a couple of days later and it really hurt when I went to the bathroom and I went to, I went to the hospital and they took it.

35:59🔗 Adam Good, by the way.

36:01🔗 Caller And there was some discharge and they said it was gonorrhea. Awesome. I got the medicine for it and I'm feeling fine but now I just don't know.

36:09🔗 Jenna Fischer Well, so you're thinking you got it from the girl, you're thinking you got it from the oral, not from your girlfriend.

36:14🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:15🔗 Jenna Fischer Cause your girlfriend is faithful.

36:17🔗 Caller Yeah, well she wouldn't cheat, you know.

36:19🔗 Drew Oh, of course not.

36:19🔗 Adam Yeah, I know this is bogus or not but listen, Joe, why don't you break up with your girlfriend if you're just not interested?

36:26🔗 Caller I mean, I really like her, you know.

36:28🔗 Adam Yeah, but let me just give you a, let me just give, just listen to this, would you? Just put you on hold for a second. Let's give everyone a quick philosophical speech here for a second. It's not about what you can get away with in life, you know. Everyone looks at it this way. Hey, if you don't get caught, it's awesome. Like, hey, if you, you know, if you commit welfare fraud or rob old ladies or rob banks or screw around on your girlfriend and you never get busted and she never finds out about it, you're free and clear. You're not free and clear. You know you do that, thus you are that person.

36:57🔗 Drew You become that.

36:58🔗 Adam You become that. And I don't want to get trite with looking in the mirror and stuff, but that's you. Everyone is so convinced.

37:05🔗 Drew By the same token, if you spend your life doing good things and being virtuous and building, you know, qualities that are useful for people, that's you too.

37:12🔗 Adam That's you too in a good way.

37:13🔗 Drew Yeah. And somehow we know that's, that works.

37:15🔗 Adam But it's strange that we're trying to fool somebody. Someone's yelling out in the hall. It's great, right? So here's the point. Drew, over here, buddy. We spend so much time trying to fool the cops, the girlfriend, the wife, the boss, the government, the whatever. Meanwhile, the one person that has access to all information is you. And you're the one who's really going to be hurt most by this information.

37:43🔗 Drew But people, you know, when you are that way, you think I deserve this. It was the right thing. I was being screwed elsewhere. I'm just making up for it. The people have crazy ways of rationalizing these things.

37:53🔗 Adam Joe, Joe, do me a favor, buddy. Keep doing what's best for you and call us in a few years. Tell us how life's working out for you.

38:01🔗 Drew All right?

38:03🔗 Adam Keep looking out for number one. Keep focusing on Joe and little Joe. And that's not a bonanza reference. And tell us how it goes in about five years. Would you please?

38:14🔗 Caller Well, I don't think. Yeah.

38:15🔗 Adam Just call us back in five years. Tell us how it goes. Because here's another thing. The handful of people I know that are the most generous and work hardest and care most about the others seem to have the most junk.

38:27🔗 Drew And the happiest.

38:28🔗 Adam And the happiest. And the folks I know who look out for themselves the most, they have the least junk, which is weird. It's weird because the guys, the most generous guy I know is probably Jimmy. He's constantly giving it away. He's cooking for everyone. He spends five grand a week on just other people eating food in his house and stuff. He also has the most money. And then my other buddies from North Hollywood, they're constantly looking out for their own crap. They live in apartments in North Hollywood. They're in their 40s.

38:55🔗 Drew Interesting.

38:56🔗 Adam There's a weird equation.

38:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

38:58🔗 Adam All right. Get down with it, brother.

38:59🔗 Drew Very quickly, with Joe on the gonorrhea, it probably actually wasn't gonorrhea because it takes a few days. Who cares? Just for other people. It takes a few days to grow that and to nail that diagnosis. A discharge is either gonorrhea, chlamydia, or something called non-gonococcal urethritis. And given where your PNI has been, it's probably the NGU or non-gonococcal. It's all response to basically the same antibiotic intervention. So I'm sure they gave you a pill and a shot and off you went. Or actually a drink and a shot.

39:25🔗 Adam All right. I want to give a quick plug, not only for the office, Jenna Fischer here tonight, but a competing show, meeting show, competing show. Oh, well, my show is on at 10 o'clock.

39:37🔗 Drew The Carolla Project. 9 Central.

39:39🔗 Adam I don't know when it's, is it 9 Central?

39:41🔗 Jenna Fischer The office is on at 8 Central.

39:42🔗 Adam Oh, well, there you go, Drew.

39:43🔗 Jenna Fischer We're not competing.

39:45🔗 Adam My show is at 10. How much noise can you possibly make? What's on here? 10 o'clock, 9 Central.

39:50🔗 Jenna Fischer Here you go.

39:51🔗 Adam All right. But hers is 9.30, 8 Central.

39:54🔗 Jenna Fischer You can watch the office and then watch your show.

39:56🔗 Adam Yeah. That's TLC tomorrow night. Too late with Adam Corolla night. What's his name? Jeff Probstson from Survivor. Yeah. Good looking man. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

40:08🔗 Jenna Fischer You have five seconds.

40:10🔗 Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

40:14🔗 Drew Back in a minute.

40:28🔗 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline, Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Jenna Fischer, here tonight. A subtly beautiful woman, I must say.

40:40🔗 Jenna Fischer Oh, is that me?

40:41🔗 Drew Yes.

40:41🔗 Jenna Fischer I love that. That's so nice.

40:43🔗 Adam Quietly beautiful.

40:44🔗 Jenna Fischer Thank you.

40:44🔗 Adam You know, not a big cache with the hair and the nails and everything, but... Nice skin.

40:51🔗 Jenna Fischer You are making me blush.

40:53🔗 Adam Well, that makes your nice skin look even nicer. We... You know, it was something Jeff Probst, we were just talking about what a good guy he was, and too late, Adam Corolla. You're gay. He was saying something on the show tonight where he said, you know, people start looking good on the show sometimes.

41:12🔗 Drew When they get emaciated.

41:13🔗 Adam Yeah, well, they get emaciated. No, but the skin, like natural oils and eat a little tan from the sun. And you notice women don't wear a stitch of makeup on the show, obviously, but then they look pretty good and look better than when you see them on like the finale night and they're all like made up.

41:31🔗 Jenna Fischer My husband and I were just talking about this. He was asking me if I thought there were any good looking guys on Survivor this, you know, this year. And I said, not yet, but just in a few more weeks, I think they are going to be very good looking.

41:42🔗 Drew They're not done.

41:43🔗 Jenna Fischer They're not done cooking.

41:45🔗 Adam Yeah, that's it. They're, uh, they're like a pop tart that hasn't popped out of the toaster yet. And, and the same with the women. I mean, everyone gets tanned, everyone gets sort of relaxed, and people, you know, it's like the same thing women do on their wedding day. They take beautiful women and they spend three hours doing their hair all up, and then they get their face all painted up, and they get over done, and they become like a really nice car with crappy rims and too much stuff stuck on it for the one drive.

42:13🔗 Jenna Fischer I totally did that. I totally did that.

42:15🔗 Adam Yeah, like, you, you, you, you know.

42:17🔗 Jenna Fischer I did that. My husband, we got in a big argument. He did not want me to wear my hair up for my wedding day.

42:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

42:23🔗 Jenna Fischer And I said that I was going to wear my hair up. And he was he was furious because he said, you're not going to look like yourself. You never wear your hair up. And I like insisted that to wear my crown and veil, my hair. Sure.

42:34🔗 Drew My tiara.

42:35🔗 Jenna Fischer Exactly. Exactly. And I, you know, I, you know, I looked OK, but I was definitely like some version of myself that wasn't me. Most, most, I was like bride version.

42:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

42:46🔗 Jenna Fischer I totally, I fed into it.

42:47🔗 Adam Most women get a little too curled up with the hair, a little too crazy with the hair and a little too much makeup, a little too much eyeliner and whatever. And they get screwed up. They go nutty. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I had to put all women on an island. Yeah. Let them just, just oil up for a while. Cindy.

43:05🔗 Caller Hello.

43:06🔗 Adam 22.

43:08🔗 Caller Hello.

43:09🔗 Adam Cindy.

43:10🔗 Caller Yes.

43:12🔗 Adam You're on the radio.

43:13🔗 Caller Oh my gosh. Okay. So my question. I want to have like a lesbian affair type of thing with one of my best friends. But I'm not sure how to go about that.

43:27🔗 Adam Is she into chicks at all?

43:30🔗 Caller I don't really know. I don't think so, but.

43:34🔗 Drew Then if she's not, how do you figure that's going to work out?

43:38🔗 Caller I don't know. I like I want to tell her that, you know, I think that we should give this a try, but.

43:43🔗 Drew Yeah, but if she's not, if she's not lesbian in all probability, you're going to freak her out and cause her to push away a little.

43:50🔗 Adam Well, I think I think the message to young ladies is women are so sexually pliable or malleable these days. They can just go any direction. So inside of every woman is a lesbian just waiting to be scratched off or tapped. Yeah, just tap them or like a maple tree.

44:09🔗 Jenna Fischer Do you want to have like a relationship with her? Or do you just want to have like a sexual encounter?

44:14🔗 Caller Just a sexual encounter.

44:16🔗 Jenna Fischer So just once or maybe a few times?

44:19🔗 Drew Cindy, that's not realistic. Is your best friend and you think it's going to stop at just one encounter?

44:23🔗 Adam Sounds like you're in love.

44:24🔗 Drew Yeah.

44:24🔗 Caller There was an incident when we were both drunk and we like kind of made out. So I'm not sure if she is or not. And I don't really know how to go about talking to her about it.

44:36🔗 Adam Well, but you really don't. It sounds like if she's your best friend, if there's a woman who I considered my best friend and I was really sexually attracted to her, I'd be into her as a relationship.

44:49🔗 Drew Right, not only that, but you kind of, I think the reason you're afraid to bring it up, so to speak, is you know what the reaction's going to be. If you felt that there was some sort of reciprocity in this, that she was into it, you know, you've already made out, it'd be easy, you'd say, hey, remember that time we made out? I really liked that. It's all you got to say and see where she takes it. And if she shuts you down, you have your answer. We've been really good at it. You know, that's like, you haven't talked about this in a long time, the drag. This is, you have to do the same thing you do with men with your girlfriend.

45:18🔗 Adam Yeah, we'll see what Jenna has to say about this. I haven't talked about this in a while, but now that I'm married, I know everything about chicks. I could get laid, no problem now. On TV, awesome.

45:29🔗 Drew Strangely enough, though, if you left your wife, all that would shut down, don't worry.

45:32🔗 Adam No, I got nice cars, I got nice houses, and I'm on like five TV shows. I could definitely get laid now. Don't please, Drew, how dare you? Don't make me go out. I'll go out and get laid right now and I blame it on you. It was a bet. It was not intercourse. It was not intercourse. Don't look at his intercourse. Look at his $50 in the bank, baby. Literally become a millionaire by not picking up dropped money. All right. So here's the thing. When women like you, they kind of let you know. They're not aggressive. They're not like, man, they don't come out and say, but if you can pick up just like we're talking about, the tells. A good poker player can look across the table at an amateur.

46:13🔗 Drew Know what's going on.

46:13🔗 Adam Know if he's bluffing, know what his hand is, know if he's batting. Women are much easier to read than that. They can't help it. When they like somebody, they look for excuses to touch them. They're like, oh, you're so funny. They're like, they'll put their hand in your shoulder and then when they pull it off, they'll drag it. That's a lot of dragging. Like they'll hug you. And then as your unhugging drag, or if they don't like you, you get the hug. And then it's like their pride open off of you. And you slide back like some sort of their articulating arm or something like that. A car wash.

46:44🔗 Drew From an ironing board.

46:45🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. I'm going to give you more tips on when ladies dig you.

46:48🔗 Jenna Fischer That's true.

46:48🔗 Adam And Jenna, you help us and back me up on this or argue with me.

46:52🔗 Jenna Fischer The drag is true. I think the drag is true.

46:54🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm going to demonstrate the drag on Jenna during the break.

46:57🔗 Drew But we have to take a break.

46:59🔗 Adam We'll come back and we'll finish. Listen up guys. I'm going to tell you how you know, or don't know more importantly. We'll be back after this.

47:06🔗 Jenna Fischer All right, guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:11🔗 Drew One call is all you need to make.

47:13🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:14🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:16🔗 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:21🔗 The Dateline will be right back.

47:35🔗 Adam Yeah, it's the Loveline. Woo, bang your head and get it on. You know what I'm supposed to do in true.

47:42🔗 Drew Oh my God, Marcus, he's going to drop Trout. I will drop Trout. Jenna Fischer will drop Trout.

47:50🔗 Adam I will drop Trout. Jenna Fischer. The Office 930, NBC Tuesday nights. Drew's favorite new program. I'll drop it. I'll drop some Trout.

48:05🔗 Drew What's the weather, Ace?

48:07🔗 Adam Well, I'll take McCoy and check it in. 71 degrees Van Nuys, 71 degrees New Hall, Saugus area coming in, 71 Valencia, 71 degrees Sherman Oaks, 71 Encino, checking in 71 big degrees out in Harbor area, San Pedro area, 71 degrees Santa Monica, 71 degrees Hawthorne, 71 Encino, 71 degrees, 71 degrees. I'll tell you, I did the morning show. Traffic, look out, slow and go on the 405, look out for brake lights, got a SIG alert on the 118, mattress in lanes on the 110 and watch out, Bay got a Jack Knight big rig, hit a moped, a retarded guy on a moped, I was going to go out and clean that up out there. Back to you, Troy.

48:49🔗 Caller Spilled load. Spilled load.

48:52🔗 Adam Mattress in lanes, it's never box spring.

48:54🔗 Drew No, mattress.

48:55🔗 Adam It's only the mattress. Sometimes, the people that carry the mattress, they're not box spring people.

49:00🔗 Drew No, no.

49:01🔗 Adam More people, I had a mattress on the floor for a long time, a box spring, that's who are the Rockefellers? Yeah, I was sitting, I did the morning show, I did the morning show out here at K-Rock today and my fantasy, every time I turn the goddamn radio on, it's a traffic report and then I started thinking to myself, how many of these goddamn traffic reports have I heard and not been in my automobile? Forget about the amount that I've heard just nowhere near where I was going. Out in the Seamute at the DeVore Pass on the Zizek, watch out the Zizek side of the 114, we got to spill load lanes.

49:35🔗 Drew It's like Barstow.

49:36🔗 Adam What? Out in Barstow. Yeah, those that are going on the Baker exit on the way to Barstow out there over the great creek out there. I'll tell you what, we got Manchester Lanes. I live in Hollywood. I'm going to North Hollywood.

49:48🔗 Drew They're talking about something 300 miles away. 300 miles away.

49:52🔗 Adam Oh, round trip. Yeah, 150 each way and then back. Yeah, those are Barstow, Vegas, check it over there. They did Vore Pass. Just nowhere near any of... So what percentage of traffic reports have you heard where you've actually just been in your car? Like I've heard thousands where I've been in a room, a bedroom, a bathroom. I've been on the pot listening to thousands of them. And then the other half is, is how many of you have been in your car, but had nothing to do with the direction you were going or where you were going? Like what percentage of those goddamn traffic reports have anything to do with you? And even if they did, aren't you stuck in it already? What do you think you're doing? You think you're the only guy who's getting off the 405 when all five lanes are on fire? You think the only guy's going to take Sepulveda to the airport? That's you. That's you?

50:39🔗 You heard it.

50:40🔗 Adam You heard it. You're the one guy smart enough. Everybody else was listening to a Loggins and Messina, an 8-track, but not you. Thank Christ you were listening to morning radio, which was cutting in with this useless traffic every eight seconds. And you're the one guy, you're doing 140 sailing down Sepulveda. Everyone else just out of their cars on the 405 as a parking lot. Slow and go. So my fantasy is I want to jump through the radio and start strangling the people that are giving this useless report that everyone just passes off as important. But it does. No, no one uses it. Like people argue all the time. I say, let's get rid of these traffic reports. Who gives a rat's ass? Let's just have more radio.

51:20🔗 Drew Oh, how dare you?

51:21🔗 Adam I don't know. I get real. First of all, everyone gets defensive, like their father did traffic reporting and his father from the old country was a traffic reporter. Giuseppe Marconi from the old country was a was a traffic reporter. Who you? What do you care? What's your precious traffic report? People get real defensive. They're like, oh, no, no, I listen. I listen. You listen because you're stuck in your car and it comes on the radio. It's nothing to do with you. And then I asked her the question, when is the last time you heard one and did anything about it? When is the last time you actually did a preemptive move where you're like, oh, my God, this is coming up five exits ahead of where I'm getting off the freeway. I'm going to take a side street. When is the last time? How many times a year? How many times a decade? Answer about once every six to eight years. Now that saved you 11 minutes max. Now how many minutes have you wasted listening to what's going on on the goddamn DeVore Pass? Useless information, just piled, just piled, that you never just sitting around. So Lisa May was giving the traffic.

52:24🔗 Drew Oh.

52:25🔗 Adam And she was sitting as close to me as I am to you.

52:28🔗 Drew Did you have nuts on her?

52:29🔗 Adam I just sat there and she was support girls. She was piling through it. I just want to start, because she's all over the place. Of course, Southern California is 700 million nautical miles. Like it just, it's so big that no traffic report could ever really pertain to you. There's cities, I could name you 35 cities you've never heard of. They're in the greater Los Angeles area. I mean, you go to this map that's hanging in the hallway over there, Jack, and you haven't heard of half the cities.

52:58🔗 Drew Stanton.

52:58🔗 Adam Stanton. Look out. Yeah. Mantras and Lanes.

53:03🔗 Drew You Kuiper.

53:04🔗 Adam Just pleased with the traffic reports. I know, I know they get sponsors and people, you know, what it is, it's a commercial that people don't know is a commercial. Because they have sponsorship and everyone listens tentatively, intently like, oh, something's happening.

53:18🔗 Drew Here's the deal. We're going to take one call. And then you're going to get.

53:21🔗 Adam Can't stay in the traffic report.

53:22🔗 Drew And you're going to finish your discussion for all men out there about how to read women.

53:26🔗 Jenna Fischer Oh, OK.

53:28🔗 Adam Let me ask you something, Drew. Yeah, I came up with this equation. We talked about it before. What do you think you've heard more of in your life in minutes? You have to break it into minutes. Collective combined minutes. Jenna, I'll open this up to you, too. Traffic reports that you didn't act on.

53:45🔗 Drew Yeah. Or?

53:46🔗 Adam Or the backup beep from the street sweeper, the dump truck, the city truck, the pickup truck that you didn't have to move out of the way of. Most of these things I hear from my bedroom. I sit in my bedroom all day and just hear meep, meep, meep, meep. And then the mattress and the lanyard's over in the sizzle section, meep, meep, meep. How many of that, how much combined? What do you think's more?

54:11🔗 Drew The traffic.

54:13🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, I think the traffic.

54:13🔗 Drew Traffic.

54:14🔗 Adam Because it's been going on longer. I think the beep's is catching up.

54:17🔗 Drew The beep's catching up and I don't come across that as much.

54:21🔗 Adam You don't, you've tuned, Drew, you tuned out.

54:23🔗 Drew I couldn't tune out.

54:23🔗 Adam You don't know, you're out and about. Believe me, there's a garbage truck coming down the street.

54:27🔗 Drew No, that's the point. I don't hear my garbage truck and stuff. You hear that all the time.

54:30🔗 Adam But I'm counting you was hearing it because I could hear it.

54:32🔗 Drew No, mine is coming at the 6th of the morning. It comes when I'm at work.

54:34🔗 Adam Oh, God damn it. Now I'm furious. I'm beside myself.

54:39🔗 Drew I do know that they do beep when they do come because I've heard them coming.

54:42🔗 Adam You're making it worse. Emily?

54:45🔗 Caller Hey, what's up guys? How's it going?

54:48🔗 Adam What time's your garbage man come? Seriously?

54:50🔗 Drew Three in the afternoon.

54:52🔗 Caller Hey.

54:53🔗 Drew Hey, what's up?

54:54🔗 Caller How are you guys? How you doing?

54:56🔗 Adam I'm doing fine until I found out Drew's garbage man came at 8 or 3 in the afternoon. Go ahead, Emily.

55:03🔗 Caller By the way, it's 56 degrees and 1000 oaks, my friend.

55:06🔗 Adam Check it in, 56 degrees.

55:08🔗 Drew Sure would, 56. Westlake Village.

55:12🔗 Adam Check it in, 56 degrees. Yeah. Let me get a little early morning clouds burning away to sunshine, 70s at the beaches, 80s inland, 90s in the valley. I got to write this down. Wow. This is awesome stuff. Awesome. Because I have no idea, no idea what it would be. I would cover myself in Vaseline, wrap myself in foil and leave the house.

55:36🔗 Drew For people that are from around the country, as you understand, in Southern California, the weather is the same every day.

55:41🔗 Adam Yeah.

55:41🔗 Drew So, there we go.

55:42🔗 Caller It's 102 degrees here.

55:43🔗 Drew I know. All right. It's a summer, it's 100 in the winter, it's 75. Here we go.

55:48🔗 Caller Okay. So, to pick one problem, let's see. I guess it's the one I called about. My boyfriend found out he had genital herpes and he found out because they became physical. So, we went-

56:00🔗 Drew Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop.

56:01🔗 Adam They manifested themselves.

56:03🔗 Drew He developed a rash.

56:04🔗 Caller Yes, he did. He had these bumps. He actually felt weakened and lethargic before it became physical.

56:13🔗 Drew That's interesting. Is there any chance your boyfriend is cheating?

56:15🔗 Caller Now, here's the thing, right? I absolutely trust him and neither one of us have been unfaithful to one another.

56:22🔗 Drew Let me ask you this. Did you have any sores in your mouth or anything like that?

56:25🔗 Caller No, that's the thing. He developed these things and I was so scared. We both went in right away.

56:33🔗 Drew Here's why I'm making an issue of this. Is that the initial outbreak of herpes is usually the one associated with the flu-like syndrome where you feel weak and crappy for a couple of weeks and that's the initial outbreak. The subsequent outbreaks usually have no constitutional symptoms associated with it.

56:50🔗 Adam So we're thinking this was the first one.

56:52🔗 Drew Yeah.

56:53🔗 Adam But now how many, he what?

56:56🔗 Caller He's thinking that he used to work at like a hooters and do really dirty stuff and he's like from Texas so he's not all...

57:05🔗 Drew Like take blow jobs from the waitresses?

57:07🔗 Adam Well, he'd go down on a horse once in a while.

57:11🔗 Caller A guy in the world, you know, like doesn't wash his hands after he goes to the restroom and...

57:16🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Well, hold on, hold on a second, Emily. Did this guy have girlfriends before you?

57:21🔗 Caller He hadn't dated in a long time and I hadn't either and that's why we bonded.

57:26🔗 Drew Why hadn't he dated in a long time?

57:28🔗 Caller Because we both had, you know, every teenager has bad relationships and we just both were disciplined and didn't date for a long time.

57:38🔗 Drew How long ago was his last bad relationship before he met you?

57:41🔗 Caller He hadn't dated in about two years.

57:47🔗 Adam How many women has he been with?

57:49🔗 Caller Get out of here. I thought the same thing, but honest to goodness, he hadn't had sex with anyone in the time that he hadn't dated.

57:58🔗 Drew That's not the question. That isn't the question.

58:00🔗 Adam All right. Let's try to figure out Emily. First off, Emily is one of these people that goes up on her lines. You know, like, you got like, one was like, get out of here. Like, she hops on stuff. She pounces. She's a conversational puma. And here's the, she's nutty. Emily's like nutty and offensive. And it's like, you would never, you would never need to, yeah. Like, I don't know what her family background is, but something's up.

58:25🔗 Drew Well, whenever people in their young 20s need to take a moratorium, that's a bad sign.

58:30🔗 Adam Yeah. Emily, where's your dad? What happened to you?

58:33🔗 Caller Dude, I'm on effects there right now. I decided to finally go and treat myself, because I know that I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life if I don't. So I'm seeing a psychologist and I'm taking a small dosage of effects.

58:46🔗 Drew Okay, that wasn't the question.

58:48🔗 Adam So far, we're about 0 for 5 on our questions. Where's your dad?

58:52🔗 Caller My dad and I, I'm sorry, my mom and my dad are still married. They're from another country, so they're strict.

59:00🔗 Adam Where is that?

59:01🔗 Caller From Argentina.

59:03🔗 Adam They're strict over there?

59:05🔗 Caller It's a pain in the butt. It's a pain in the butt.

59:08🔗 Adam Really?

59:09🔗 Caller Oh yeah.

59:10🔗 Adam I'll put them on my list. I didn't know. I didn't know Argentina was, I thought that they just all camped and cooked beef over an open fire.

59:17🔗 Drew There's a large Jewish contingency down there.

59:19🔗 Adam Oh really?

59:20🔗 Caller There's a lot of Germans too after World War II that fell there. So that's why we're so white.

59:24🔗 Adam Yeah, boys from Brazil.

59:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:29🔗 Adam Okay, so your family is very strict. Did your dad hit you?

59:32🔗 Caller All the time. Oh my gosh.

59:34🔗 Adam Oh yeah.

59:35🔗 Drew Okay.

59:35🔗 Adam All right. So you're physically abused.

59:37🔗 Caller There we go. I'm battling it every day of my life.

59:40🔗 Drew Okay.

59:41🔗 Caller Got it.

59:41🔗 Adam You're just trying to get to that.

59:43🔗 Drew Okay. It's coming into focus for us.

59:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:47🔗 Adam You're so what?

59:47🔗 Caller I'm really concerned about, I'm at a time now where I'm so concerned about my future because the way I developed growing up with my family really stifled me and I see it in my relationships and my friendships and how I deal with people and-

1:00:04🔗 Drew Stay with the therapy, Emily. You're doing all the right stuff.

1:00:07🔗 Adam And look, if your boyfriend's not cheating and you believe he's not cheating, fine.

1:00:13🔗 Drew And I will tell you the greatest single thing you're showing is a trust and a willingness.

1:00:17🔗 Caller Is there one?

1:00:19🔗 Drew You have trust and willingness. You have a problem, you go see a doctor and trust what they tell you and you do something about it. You go see a therapist, you're willing to sit there and trust their presence. That's all very positive. I know it's a struggle for you. It has to be when you've been abused like that. But the fact that you're doing it is a very, very positive sign. So just stay with it. Don't worry about the herpes. It's possible that you cannot get it even though he's got it. You certainly do not want to have intercourse when he has an outbreak. You want to wear condoms very meticulously. And there you go. And he may want to get on antiviral medication that suppresses the virus from being produced.

1:00:52🔗 Adam How does he get genital herpes from his hands?

1:00:55🔗 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no.

1:00:59🔗 Adam You know, I...

1:00:59🔗 Drew Listen.

1:01:00🔗 Caller What?

1:01:01🔗 Adam Yes.

1:01:01🔗 Drew Guys, guys, a screw up. He's a sociopath or something and he's having lots of relationships. Screwing a lot of girls. I got to take a moratorium. Things are getting so out of control. Guy works at a Hooters. Come on. It's like a heroin addict working in a pharmacy. It's like... You know what I mean?

1:01:15🔗 Adam Emily?

1:01:16🔗 Caller Hey, boys. I'm still here. I have a question for you.

1:01:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:01:19🔗 Adam He has genital herpes, right?

1:01:21🔗 Caller Yes, he does. It's so sad. It's so sad.

1:01:25🔗 Jenna Fischer How long have you two been going out?

1:01:27🔗 Caller We have been together for a year now around the holidays. We started going out last year.

1:01:32🔗 Adam Where does he work now?

1:01:33🔗 Caller He works at just local restaurants around the area. He just moved here at about the same time we met.

1:01:40🔗 Adam What does he do at the restaurant?

1:01:43🔗 Caller He's a server.

1:01:44🔗 Adam Is he a good looking guy?

1:01:46🔗 Caller Yeah, I think so. I think he's very handsome.

1:01:49🔗 Adam Does he aspire to act or model or anything like that?

1:01:55🔗 Caller I don't think so. I think he doesn't think it's a...

1:01:58🔗 Adam He just wants to believe...

1:02:00🔗 Drew What do you think? He hasn't talked to you about what he intends to do with his life?

1:02:03🔗 Caller He doesn't have a degree.

1:02:06🔗 Drew What does he want to do?

1:02:08🔗 Caller He doesn't know.

1:02:09🔗 Adam Okay, that's fine. All right, you're cool. Here's the whole thing. Somehow, waiter and waitress got turned into server, which I think is more degrading.

1:02:18🔗 Drew Yes. Servant. It's very close to servant.

1:02:21🔗 Adam It's derivative of servant. Yeah. It's like, how dare you? I'm not a waiter. I'm a server. And it's like, I'd rather be a waiter. Waiter suggests I'm standing around. Server means you're ringing a bell and I'm running. You know what I mean? My name's a Jeebs or Giles or something.

1:02:36🔗 Drew All right, so tell us about women now. Come on.

1:02:38🔗 Adam I don't like them. What do you mean?

1:02:39🔗 Drew No, besides that, except for that.

1:02:42🔗 Adam Oh, oh, oh, okay. I'm sorry, Drew. Caught me off guard.

1:02:45🔗 Drew I know.

1:02:45🔗 Adam Caught me off guard, buddy. Yeah, my tips, my tips for the young, young fellas. I hate women. Jenna, you jump in. Okay. You tell me, you tell me yeah or nay on these things.

1:02:56🔗 Jenna Fischer Okay.

1:02:57🔗 Adam So we were talking before Drew went on his crazy traffic rant, uncomfortable by the way. We were talking about sort of tells that women won't verbally or oftentimes won't verbally come out and tell you, hey, I'm into you or I'm attracted to you, but they will let you know in subtler, unverbal ways.

1:03:18🔗 Drew And they're very good at letting you know when they're not in. And you gotta read those.

1:03:21🔗 Adam I'll take it a step further and say that I don't think women do it consciously. I don't think most women can even control it.

1:03:28🔗 Jenna Fischer If they're attracted.

1:03:29🔗 Drew These behaviors.

1:03:30🔗 Jenna Fischer If you're attracted.

1:03:31🔗 Drew No, no. The way you react if you're not attracted or are attracted. Is it a conscious thing or just something automatic?

1:03:39🔗 Jenna Fischer Well, if I'm, when I was dating, if I was not attracted to someone, I would try to be very polite. Maybe it's just because that's how I was raised. And so I would try to control my impulses to do things that were very telling of my non-attraction.

1:03:55🔗 Drew But that gets you to trouble though, right? It did.

1:03:57🔗 Jenna Fischer It would get me into trouble. And so then what would happen is there would be sort of this build up of like misread signals or very subtly communicated signals that were not picked up on. And then it would end in some sort of very uncomfortable direct dialogue.

1:04:12🔗 Drew All right, so that's why we need to-

1:04:14🔗 Adam You're more evolved than most women.

1:04:15🔗 Drew Also, I bet you were giving signals that if a guy had half a brain- They weren't picking it up. Yeah, they would pick it up.

1:04:20🔗 Adam That's right. We're telling you now, fellas.

1:04:22🔗 Drew Yes, here it is. So, recreate one of those things so these guys can understand this.

1:04:26🔗 Jenna Fischer Well-

1:04:27🔗 Drew Like, for instance, if a guy was at-

1:04:28🔗 Adam Don't just throw it in your lap.

1:04:29🔗 Drew No, no, I'm saying, for instance, I was gonna follow on. For instance, if a guy was calling you up, ask your-

1:04:34🔗 Adam Don't raise your voice to me. Go ahead.

1:04:36🔗 Drew Gonna ask you out to dinner.

1:04:38🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

1:04:38🔗 Drew Or out to a movie or something, you would say-

1:04:40🔗 Jenna Fischer And I wasn't interested? Well, let's do it.

1:04:42🔗 Adam Let me just play along here. Watch. We'll do the interested in uninterested in the movie department.

1:04:47🔗 Drew Yes.

1:04:48🔗 Jenna Fischer Okay.

1:04:48🔗 Adam Yeah. She's-

1:04:50🔗 Drew Bring.

1:04:51🔗 Jenna Fischer What's first? I'll surprise you.

1:04:53🔗 Adam Surprise me.

1:04:53🔗 Jenna Fischer Okay. You'll try to pick which one. Yeah.

1:04:56🔗 Adam Hey, Jenna. Hey, it's Ace. I saw a trailer for that Flight Plan, that Jodie Foster movie. It looks fantastic.

1:05:06🔗 Jenna Fischer Oh, yeah.

1:05:07🔗 Adam Big Jodie Foster fan. I haven't seen her in a while. I'd like to check out that film. Have you seen that one? Yeah.

1:05:14🔗 Jenna Fischer I saw the trailer for that. I don't know. It wasn't really. I wasn't really that interested.

1:05:18🔗 Adam But yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, you know.

1:05:21🔗 Jenna Fischer Tell me if you like it, though. I mean, yeah, right.

1:05:24🔗 Adam Right.

1:05:24🔗 Drew Right.

1:05:24🔗 Adam That would be that would be my. No, no, but that's that's that ain't interested.

1:05:29🔗 Drew Now, if if if I'm but that's not subtle, a guy should be able to read that immediately as opposed to give the opposite.

1:05:35🔗 Adam OK, now I'm a dude you're really interested in. You've seen Flight Plan.

1:05:39🔗 Jenna Fischer OK.

1:05:41🔗 Adam Bring. Bring.

1:05:43🔗 Jenna Fischer Hello. Jen says, hey, hey, how are you? Good.

1:05:50🔗 Adam What's going on?

1:05:51🔗 Jenna Fischer Not much. What are you doing?

1:05:52🔗 Adam Just playing with my cell phone.

1:05:55🔗 Jenna Fischer I'm so glad you called me.

1:05:57🔗 Adam Yeah, you know, I just sit in here watching TV. I just saw a commercial for that flight plan. It looks it.

1:06:02🔗 Jenna Fischer Oh, my God, I saw that.

1:06:03🔗 Adam Did you see it?

1:06:04🔗 Jenna Fischer It's awesome. Oh, it's awesome.

1:06:05🔗 Adam It's too bad because I wanted to go check it out.

1:06:08🔗 Jenna Fischer I'll see it again. You haven't seen it?

1:06:10🔗 Adam Awesome. I was going to check it out.

1:06:11🔗 Jenna Fischer No, seriously, I'll see it again because it's so good.

1:06:13🔗 Drew Jenna, whoever told you you were subtle? Where did that where that idea come from?

1:06:18🔗 Adam Well, you thought this stuff was improvised on the office. It's scripted. No, that's that's what do we mean? That's all it is. If a chick is really into a guy and she calls and brings the movie up, it's like they're in. And it's also like anything that can be connected. Like if you go like, hey, have you ever been mountain biking? If you haven't or you're not into it, doesn't matter. It's like, yeah, I'd like to try it. I've always been wanting to try it as opposed to it's dangerous, I did it once, I didn't like it.

1:06:46🔗 Drew It's continuing to kick doors open as opposed to continuing to shut.

1:06:49🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

1:06:49🔗 Drew And it's a very simple matter. If the guys see a couple doors shut, they should just cease and desist.

1:06:54🔗 Adam Right. I'll tell you, if you're talking to some chick who's bartending or waitress or server or stripper and you say this one, what time do you get out of work? What time do you get off work? And they go, I can leave whenever I want. We're doing it on the table now. As opposed to my boyfriend's picking up in the El Camino at 3 a.m. He's got the Uncle Henry hookah horn. That's how I know it's in the airport.

1:07:24🔗 Jenna Fischer Who are those guys that like don't like, don't give up? I was in the airport and I was stuck in line. You know, you're stuck in line and he was coming on so hard. And I said, I just said, I said, I'm married. And he said, I don't see your husband here.

1:07:39🔗 Adam Wow.

1:07:40🔗 Jenna Fischer Like that was like, I'm only married when I'm next to my husband.

1:07:44🔗 Adam Wow.

1:07:44🔗 Jenna Fischer What is that? What is that?

1:07:47🔗 Drew That's usually a bad guy.

1:07:48🔗 Adam That's just not a good guy, but that guy, but that guy gets laid every once in a while.

1:07:52🔗 Jenna Fischer Well, that's a numbers game. I mean, he's hitting on me and every other woman that he sees that day.

1:07:57🔗 Drew Other disturbed people.

1:07:59🔗 Caller That is right.

1:08:00🔗 Adam If he finds an abuse victim, he'll do it with him in the smoking lounge. He'll run across everyone.

1:08:07🔗 Drew Borderlines, people with severe trauma history are exquisitely attracted to sociopaths.

1:08:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:08:12🔗 Jenna Fischer To people who are just that. All right.

1:08:13🔗 Adam Let's keep going with the attraction thing. So there's, there's that sort of doors opening as opposed to doors closing.

1:08:19🔗 Drew And then also the standing around stuff.

1:08:21🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah.

1:08:21🔗 Adam The other thing is, is like if you're at a party or you're anywhere and you do that thing where, you know, you're standing in line at the bar, you're standing by the pool or something. And you have to do that. You'll do that conversation where it takes one lap, where you're like, Hey, how are you doing? Hi, I'm Adam. How are you doing? I'm Jenna. Nice. Nice to meet you. How do you how do you know Bert? Oh, we work together. Oh, awesome. I know I know from school pause and then, OK, well, I'll check you later and you split. Now, if the chicks into you, she'll hang for the second lap because there's that second lap of the conversation. Now, it's both you sitting here, sort of one, one thousand, two, one thousand. I hate these things. You know, it's always uncomfortable. I don't know who. And then they're like, yeah, yeah. You know, I never know who knows who. And then you see these guys in there, you know. And so if they sort of hang for that, because you know, as a girl, if you stand there after the initial whatever, because you do have to say hi. We have to be polite if you're at a party or whatever, and someone introduces themselves. But if you stay stationary, now the picking up may begin.

1:09:23🔗 Caller Right. You've opened the door.

1:09:26🔗 Adam It's possibly game on. And if you don't like the guy, you ain't going to stand and get in his crosshairs and have that uncomfortable thing where he's talking to you about flight plan.

1:09:35🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

1:09:36🔗 Adam You're just, you're moving on. You know, I got some drinks for my friends. I got to bring it back to them or whatever.

1:09:40🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

1:09:41🔗 Adam So there's that there's that second lap of the conversation part. The other one is we're talking about was the hug, the drag or the excuse to touch. When a chick likes a guy, I don't even know if she can control herself. It'll just be that she knows she's doing it. She was like, oh, you're funny. You're always calling the person's attention by instead of going, hey, over here, they're always like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Corolla, let's go. Front center. Let's go. Focus down. Yeah, they do. They do like you do a lot of touching and a lot of sort of dragging and a lot of laughing a little too hard at things that aren't that funny. And then touching again with a little drag, sort of drags and touches and hugs. People that aren't into you don't want to give you a hug. And if they do, they patch your back using a wide open palm, like they just spread their fingers and just start banging you on the back. Like a guy hugs another guy, say, dude's good and whacking you on the scapula there. Just pow, pow, as opposed to that little, and then just the drag, the drag, right?

1:10:43🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah.

1:10:44🔗 Adam Yeah. Will you do that?

1:10:45🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, I would do that.

1:10:47🔗 Adam If you're into it.

1:10:47🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah. Yeah.

1:10:48🔗 Adam Yeah. Anything else we're missing?

1:10:51🔗 Jenna Fischer When a woman's interested.

1:10:52🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:10:53🔗 Drew Or not.

1:10:54🔗 Adam Or not. I got another one.

1:10:56🔗 Drew We're educating American.

1:10:57🔗 Adam I think the other one is the open-ended, I'm not going out with you and I'm not making a makeup date either.

1:11:03🔗 Drew What?

1:11:03🔗 Adam Like that. Well, it's like we do that thing where it's like, let's say you had a first date. Right. And you do that thing where, what about next weekend? What's going on next weekend?

1:11:13🔗 Drew Busy.

1:11:15🔗 Adam And the person's like, well, I have some friends coming in from out of town next weekend. And they leave it at that. When they're really in to you, A, they'll rearrange things. But B, it'll be, I got friends coming in next weekend.

1:11:27🔗 Drew At night, but.

1:11:27🔗 Adam They leave Sunday afternoon. If you want to get together Sunday night, grab some dinner. That's what you will get from the person that's interested, not the, I got friends coming in. Everyone, think how you would act when you're interested. That's how you know.

1:11:40🔗 Drew I think a lot of guys, though, think they're stuck in that sort of in-between world where they're going to court someone and convince someone. You may not be in now, but the door is a little crack in the door there.

1:11:53🔗 Adam Women sometimes bend over backwards to be polite. They'll go, oh, I'm so sorry. I have some friends coming in from out of town. I'm taking them around this weekend. There's really nothing I could do about it. Is that where you got into trouble?

1:12:05🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, that's where I would get into trouble. I would say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, but my sister's coming in town. I promised her it would be sister's weekend.

1:12:14🔗 Drew Just a lot of lie upon lie.

1:12:15🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, exactly. It's just going on and on and on.

1:12:19🔗 Adam Yeah, you feel bad, you overcompensate, you tell too good a story.

1:12:23🔗 Jenna Fischer And then just my bad improv skills on top of that, they'll be like, well, what about Tuesday? And I'll have one more lie and I'll be like, oh, I can't Tuesday, I have this class. And then they're like Wednesday and I'm like, and then I got nothing, you know, I'm like, oh, yes, Wednesday then maybe. And then, but then, you know, but then I would probably, like if that happens and then like they call like Wednesday morning to confirm and there's like an excuse for Wednesday night, you should stop calling.

1:12:51🔗 Adam Yeah, that's it. You know what I mean?

1:12:53🔗 Jenna Fischer If there's a lot of canceling, cause like the girl may not be able to be good on her feet, but then given time, most things in life, you got three strikes.

1:13:01🔗 Adam Yeah, but this is, this is two.

1:13:03🔗 Drew I mean, look, if, if, if, if, if, there's two excuses and then a final strike.

1:13:07🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah.

1:13:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:13:08🔗 Adam All right. I'm saying Drew Tafferson.

1:13:10🔗 Drew All right. No, but, stop talking about it.

1:13:13🔗 Adam If a mission gets scrubbed, that's it. Yeah. Like if you're going out Wednesday night and you, especially if it's under flimsy or last minute, yeah, like, well, busy Monday, busy Tuesday. How about Wednesday? And you get that phone call Wednesday afternoon saying, Oh, I totally forgot.

1:13:29🔗 Jenna Fischer I can't go out tonight.

1:13:30🔗 Adam Scrubbing the mission.

1:13:31🔗 Jenna Fischer I have something to do.

1:13:32🔗 Adam I'm telling you, unless there's a BJ at 7 a.m. the following day, it is considered off.

1:13:38🔗 Drew Right.

1:13:39🔗 Jenna Fischer When you really like someone, you're like crazy about them. And you want to see them like all the time. Like if someone's crazy about you, you'll know it.

1:13:46🔗 Adam You act like you would act or they act like you would act when you're into them.

1:13:50🔗 Drew It's not always the case that two people are crazy about each other, though. Someone's kind of in and the other person's very in. And they're trying to bring somebody along. And so, you know.

1:13:58🔗 Adam Let's just put it this way. If they, if they and you keep moving, they don't have to worship the ground and walk on, but at least go out on the second date.

1:14:06🔗 Drew You want somebody who's enthusiastic and excited about being with you.

1:14:10🔗 Adam So Jenna, you're married or you're married married? You know what I'm saying? Because I'm an atheist. You know, I believe people. I got enough love from, you know, you know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:14:22🔗 Drew Even talking about it all night. All right.

1:14:23🔗 Adam Let's let's take a break. I'm going to I'm going to work Jen a little bit during the break. We'll be right back after this. And I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LO- Jenna Fischer here tonight from The Office, Tuesday nights, 9.30 on NBC. Ready to go back to the phone?

1:15:04🔗 Drew You're right there, Adam.

1:15:05🔗 Adam I'm trying to undo my cans.

1:15:08🔗 Drew You're going to have to pull that out from there.

1:15:11🔗 Adam They're tangled up.

1:15:11🔗 Drew All right, let's go to calls. Here we go.

1:15:13🔗 Adam Go to calls.

1:15:13🔗 Drew This is Mike, 23.

1:15:16🔗 Caller Adam Corolla.

1:15:18🔗 Adam Yeah, what's up?

1:15:20🔗 Caller What's up?

1:15:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:15:23🔗 I have suspicion that I was abused, probably sexually, but I don't remember anything, and you guys are pretty good at asking the right questions. I thought you might be able to help me.

1:15:32🔗 Drew Well, what led to your suspicion?

1:15:35🔗 A couple of clues. One, my mom was sexually abused by her brother. I'm sort of sexually deviant in a way. I don't have much sexual identity. I'm sort of attracted to underage girls. I guess I'd say I must have.

1:15:51🔗 Adam When you say underage, what do you mean?

1:15:55🔗 Probably around 13, maybe. I don't act on it. I have enough self-control, at least now.

1:16:01🔗 Adam I know, but the whole thing is, there are many attractive young women, 16, 17 years old, but they look like women. 13, you're not looking for a young-looking woman, you're looking for a girl.

1:16:16🔗 Well, that's post puberty.

1:16:19🔗 Adam Post puberty.

1:16:20🔗 Drew But just barely.

1:16:21🔗 Adam 13, yes.

1:16:22🔗 Drew What was that period of your life like when you're 13, 14? Yourself.

1:16:25🔗 Caller I don't really remember much of it. I remember something that I don't know if it's significant or not, but it sort of seems like it. When I was 12 or 13, a girl need me in the groin, and I remember sort of just curling up in the fetal position, but I don't remember anything. After that, why did she do that? I made some comment that I thought was pretty innocent, but I guess it wasn't.

1:16:47🔗 Drew All right, so were you sort of a social outcast growing up?

1:16:50🔗 Caller No, the opposite, really. I've always sort of fit in. I sort of.

1:16:55🔗 Adam All right, well, let's talk about your dad. Any weird babysitters? What about brothers and sisters? How are they doing?

1:17:01🔗 Caller I have an older sister who's doing great. She's a doctor.

1:17:04🔗 Adam When your dad's a good guy?

1:17:06🔗 Caller Yeah, he's a great guy. He's a doctor also.

1:17:10🔗 Adam All right. And any suspicious family members, weird uncles that no one talks about anymore?

1:17:15🔗 Caller Well, my mom has a brother who suffers from cystic fibrosis, who I guess exposed himself to her. And I don't know if anything else, but I guess he was around when I was younger, but I don't know if I was ever alone with them and I don't remember anything happening.

1:17:28🔗 Adam All right. We're going to, we're going to go with Noah on this one.

1:17:32🔗 Drew Yeah. I'm getting much more. Were you using drugs or something for a while?

1:17:37🔗 Caller I actually went through rehab.

1:17:39🔗 Drew Yeah. I guess.

1:17:40🔗 Adam That's what it is.

1:17:41🔗 Drew Yeah. I get much more of the alcoholic drug addict thing. All right. And, you know, addicts get some peculiar sexual preoccupations too. And do you have a sponsor currently?

1:17:53🔗 Caller No, I'm not working the program. I'm sort of dry right now.

1:17:57🔗 Drew Yeah. You need to work the program, Mike.

1:17:59🔗 Caller I didn't really hit a bottom. I sort of.

1:18:01🔗 Drew Well, is your bottom going to be when you act out on somebody who's 13 or when you kill yourself? When's your bottom? When are you going to do something about this?

1:18:09🔗 Caller I can intellectualize it. I need to go to meetings and get a sponsor, but I don't really feel it and it's kind of hard to grasp it and emotionalize it.

1:18:16🔗 Drew Yeah, I know. I get that. But the fact is, if you want to change any of these things and you're right, it's very hard to motivate to do that if you don't have a sense of the urgency and the need. And especially when you've got a personality problem. I mean, this is what that is. Is that what you're hearing? Yeah, yeah. When people talk about the character problems of addiction, this is what they're talking about. And the 12-step will take care of that for you if you're willing to do it. If you don't throw yourself into that, you're going to continue to have some rough times ahead and you will use it again, for sure.

1:18:48🔗 Adam All right. I'm going to get Brett off the phone here. He's been on hold for an hour. Brett?

1:18:53🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:18:54🔗 Adam You heard that a cigarette dipped in an embalming fluid gets you high?

1:18:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:00🔗 Drew Yeah, I had heard stuff like that once. Really? Yeah, from aldehyde. But it also causes damage too, like brain. I forget. I'm not up on this right now. But I remember remit brain damage or something.

1:19:10🔗 Adam If you don't smoke, just smoking a clove cigarette will get you high. I mean, just the act of sort of that inhaling. Do you smoke?

1:19:18🔗 Yeah.

1:19:19🔗 Caller All right.

1:19:19🔗 Adam Well, then you're cool.

1:19:20🔗 Jenna Fischer Is this something you want to try or you just were wondering if it was true?

1:19:23🔗 Well, this kid at my work gave me one.

1:19:26🔗 Caller And I've got it.

1:19:28🔗 Caller I'm wondering if I smoke it, what's going to happen to me?

1:19:30🔗 Drew Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.

1:19:33🔗 Adam Here's the whole thing there, Brett. Your brain, that's like the air traffic tower of the airport, of your airport known as your body. You know what I mean?

1:19:45🔗 Drew It's-

1:19:46🔗 Adam Don't monkey.

1:19:47🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:19:47🔗 Adam Do not monkey. Unless you're a genius like me, in which case you can afford to burn a few brain cells. Then it's okay. People don't deliver this message enough. Smart people can experiment with drugs. Cause if you're a genius, you just go down to smart. You're smart, you drop down to average. If you're average, you go to stupid. If you're stupid, you go for unemployable. And then you go to junior college.

1:20:07🔗 Drew Problem I have though-

1:20:08🔗 Adam After that.

1:20:08🔗 Drew Doesn't just affect, and after that, become a publicist.

1:20:12🔗 Adam Be publicist, yeah.

1:20:13🔗 Drew So, and it's like according to Corolla, it's that it affects mood centers, memory centers, other parts of brain function that really can affect your experience of life. And that's what concerns me as much. Psychiatric symptoms are common after these medicines.

1:20:28🔗 Adam I feel like if people knew what you knew about the brain, they would just wrap their head in bubble wrap, they would put a dust mask on, and they would never go near cough syrup. And these people are huffing gasoline and thinking they're going to get out of this, god free.

1:20:48🔗 Drew Right, but they don't even comprehend, there's no association between their subjective experience of living and this organ, the brain. They can't put those things together.

1:20:57🔗 Adam Right, and I think, and stop me if I'm wrong, but what you're basically saying is, is people think, look, if I get some food I like, I'm going to be happy. And if I get a car I like, I'm going to be happy. And if I find some pornography I like, I'm going to be happy.

1:21:11🔗 Drew Right, and it's me, and me is never going to change. Me is just always me.

1:21:15🔗 Adam I grew up that part where you look at life, either through these sort of rose colored glasses or the foggy seagull covered crap that I, goggles that I have, everything can be miserable.

1:21:28🔗 Drew Everything can be miserable and your very sense of self can be altered.

1:21:31🔗 Adam Right.

1:21:32🔗 Drew That thing you know as me becomes.

1:21:34🔗 Adam Oh, and baby, once you alter that sense of self, there is no conquest great enough, there's no gold medal that makes you feel good enough. I mean, you hear these stories over and over again about these people winning gold medals, getting Oscars, inheriting $10 million and then just two days later in a heap of tears and all that. You know, whenever they do these stories, they're always miserable after the experience oftentimes if they're unhappy people.

1:22:02🔗 Drew That's it.

1:22:02🔗 Adam Or if they have this problem.

1:22:03🔗 Drew In fact, it's all the accolades stands out in bold relief against how they feel about themselves.

1:22:09🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

1:22:09🔗 Drew Makes that feeling even more intense.

1:22:11🔗 Adam Yeah. Sad.

1:22:13🔗 Jenna Fischer I wouldn't smoke that cigarette.

1:22:15🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:22:16🔗 Jenna Fischer That's good.

1:22:16🔗 Drew Listen to Jenna.

1:22:17🔗 Adam That's good.

1:22:17🔗 Jenna Fischer It really just, you know.

1:22:18🔗 Drew Great show that office.

1:22:20🔗 Adam Yeah. Jenna looks like she's experimented with her fair amount of drugs in her day.

1:22:26🔗 Jenna Fischer Not too much.

1:22:27🔗 Adam Speed balls, things like that. Smoking a lot of coke. Just injecting. Yeah. You really.

1:22:33🔗 Jenna Fischer You called it.

1:22:34🔗 Adam It strikes me so much. Let me see your arms. I want to see some tracks.

1:22:38🔗 Jenna Fischer I'm not going to show them to you.

1:22:39🔗 Adam All right. Well, you know what that means.

1:22:40🔗 Drew Oh, she was cutting them for a long time. Oh, cutting.

1:22:43🔗 Adam Tracks and cutting.

1:22:44🔗 You're a heroin addict.

1:22:45🔗 Adam Yeah. Any yin yang tattoo. We'll take ourselves a quick break. Drew, what would you rather see if you're dating a new chick? Track marks or the yin yang?

1:22:54🔗 Drew Yin yang.

1:22:54🔗 Adam Tattoo. Really? Are you sure? Because it's a different kind of pain in the ass.

1:22:58🔗 Drew I got it.

1:22:59🔗 Adam I'm one quarter Cherokee. This gives me, this is my spirituality. This gives me my strength, my chakra centers. Heroin, maybe they just did a little heroin for a while. They're screwed down.

1:23:08🔗 Drew You can't do this with Hepatitis C. La la la la la la la. You know what I'm saying?

1:23:12🔗 Adam All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:23:16🔗 Drew Loveline.

1:23:17🔗 Jenna Fischer Okay, wait, wait.

1:23:19🔗 Caller My hair, my hair.

1:23:20🔗 Adam We'll be right back. Yeah, it's Loveline, and madam, that's Dr. Drew. Call in with your home improvement questions. Jenna Fischer's here tonight from the office, NBC. 9.30, Tuesday nights. My show, The Adam Corolla Project, tomorrow night, TLC, 10 o'clock, everybody. Oh, it's gonna be good. Oh yeah. See me, see my actual guys have been, you know, Oswaldo, who I've been speaking about all these years on the show, from Nickadar.

1:24:04🔗 Drew Does he do a barbecue on the show?

1:24:06🔗 Adam He barbecues, he barbecues his ass off. Ray, Billy, all Gary, all the retards I work with. He shows up later on, maybe Episode 7 or 8. Yeah, all those guys I grew up with and talk about all the time, you'll see them in the flesh. Amy?

1:24:24🔗 Jenna Fischer Hello?

1:24:25🔗 Adam Year 28?

1:24:26🔗 Jenna Fischer Yes, hi.

1:24:27🔗 Caller What's up?

1:24:29🔗 Jenna Fischer My husband wants to say he loved your article in the FHM magazine.

1:24:34🔗 Adam Oh, what was it?

1:24:36🔗 Jenna Fischer What's that?

1:24:37🔗 Adam Do you know what it was on?

1:24:40🔗 Jenna Fischer Not Living in LA.

1:24:42🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, that thing.

1:24:43🔗 Caller Yeah, I remember that.

1:24:45🔗 Jenna Fischer Anyways, my question for Drew is, I used this product called The Keeper, which is made of soft gum rubber, and it's like a little cup.

1:24:57🔗 Drew Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.

1:24:59🔗 Jenna Fischer And I'm just wondering how safe that is to keep in for, say, like 24 hours.

1:25:04🔗 Drew You put that over the cervix, sort of?

1:25:07🔗 Jenna Fischer Just right inside the vagina, and I kind of pull it down, you know, and...

1:25:12🔗 Adam At birth control, or is that like wearing an elbow pad?

1:25:15🔗 Jenna Fischer No. It's to catch my moon flow.

1:25:19🔗 Drew It's like a, yeah.

1:25:20🔗 Jenna Fischer It's like an alternative to other F&M products.

1:25:23🔗 Adam Oh, it is.

1:25:23🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah.

1:25:24🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

1:25:24🔗 Jenna Fischer I've heard of that.

1:25:25🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Is that new?

1:25:28🔗 Jenna Fischer I don't know.

1:25:29🔗 Jenna Fischer It's at least a few years old, yeah.

1:25:31🔗 Adam Who do you think, who do you think is more prevalent? Guys that roll their own cigarettes or chicks that use that keeper?

1:25:37🔗 Drew Keeper.

1:25:38🔗 Adam More prevalent than guys who roll their own?

1:25:40🔗 Drew Yeah, probably.

1:25:41🔗 Adam Really? It's a pretty big industry. Papers, tobacco sold loose, you know what I mean?

1:25:46🔗 Drew Well, which one is cooler?

1:25:47🔗 Adam I think rolling your own, especially as a dude.

1:25:50🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:25:50🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:25:51🔗 Caller All right.

1:25:53🔗 Adam So, so are you in?

1:25:55🔗 Drew If it would be the Keister keeper.

1:25:57🔗 Adam Is this, let's be fair. Is this an environmental issue with you or what's up?

1:26:02🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah. I'm curious about this too.

1:26:04🔗 Jenna Fischer Sure. It's about that. And, you know, I have to buy it once. It says it's good for 10 years.

1:26:10🔗 Drew You wash it. You wash it out.

1:26:12🔗 Jenna Fischer Is it messy?

1:26:12🔗 Jenna Fischer Cleanse it, sterilize it when you're done, you know.

1:26:15🔗 Jenna Fischer You sterilize it.

1:26:16🔗 Jenna Fischer Really?

1:26:16🔗 Drew Like a dishwasher or something? What do you do?

1:26:18🔗 Jenna Fischer Like, no, just make like a bleach solution and roll it around in there.

1:26:22🔗 Jenna Fischer Well, how long does how long do you have to bleach it? Like between uses?

1:26:27🔗 Jenna Fischer I don't know, like five seconds.

1:26:30🔗 Jenna Fischer Oh, OK.

1:26:30🔗 Jenna Fischer Ten minutes. You know, let's send their 10 minutes. I guess it's about 10 minutes.

1:26:34🔗 Adam Let me let me just let me just figure this out. Say you're a moon flow, your menstrual period, right?

1:26:40🔗 Jenna Fischer Moon flow.

1:26:41🔗 Adam Moon flow. Are you? What's that moon flow crap? You just pull out like one of those checks. Yeah.

1:26:47🔗 Jenna Fischer Right.

1:26:48🔗 Adam OK. All right. So are you like vegan and stuff like that?

1:26:51🔗 Jenna Fischer No, no.

1:26:53🔗 Adam OK. So here's the thing. Instead of using a tampon, right? Use a cup, a bucket, a bucket. And and is it absorbed into this thing or is it actually hold it like a dixie cup?

1:27:08🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, it's cool. Like you can see it, you know, you dump it out, right? Save it. Fertilize it.

1:27:13🔗 Jenna Fischer That's so and that's save it for what?

1:27:17🔗 Adam Well, how long do you hang hang? Well, here's the whole thing. OK, how often do you have to empty the bucket?

1:27:29🔗 Jenna Fischer That's what that's what I'm saying. Like at the beginning, you know, like two times a day probably. But like at the end, you know, I don't believe that much. So, you know, I could easily leave it in there 24 hours.

1:27:40🔗 Drew And what does it tell you on the instructions?

1:27:43🔗 Jenna Fischer It says that it doesn't really say how often, it just says you menstruate.

1:27:48🔗 Drew Well, I can't believe it doesn't say, well, I don't know off hand what the recommended interval with this, but I worry whenever there's an occlusive product in the vagina, there's always the risk of toxic shock.

1:27:59🔗 Jenna Fischer That's what I, that was my question. Yeah, that's my main thing. And I'm wondering about TSS, and I'm wondering if that had come from the cotton in Tampon or is that something inside of you?

1:28:08🔗 Drew No, it comes from the bacteria in your body being occluded. In other words, you have a spotty space, like you can do a nasal pack in your nose and get toxic shock. So you have a place where bacteria grows, that gets cut off from oxygen, the bacteria proliferate and they produce a toxin and that causes a toxic shock.

1:28:26🔗 Adam True, I saw-

1:28:27🔗 Drew By the way, that's a toxin.

1:28:28🔗 Adam I saw the instructions on one of these boxes at the-

1:28:33🔗 Drew Look it up.

1:28:33🔗 Adam It's a store, yeah.

1:28:34🔗 Drew Marcus.

1:28:34🔗 Adam It says, it says, it says, Dear user slash overweight earth mama.

1:28:40🔗 Jenna Fischer That is that. That, like-

1:28:44🔗 Drew I would be very, I would be very concerned about leaving it for 24 hours.

1:28:47🔗 Jenna Fischer All right.

1:28:48🔗 Drew I would.

1:28:48🔗 Adam All right, and-

1:28:49🔗 Drew We're gonna look it up. I'll see if I come up with something for you.

1:28:51🔗 Adam You just break down and get yourself some tampons. Like, look. The keeper. Here's the thing. I'm, I'm, I, look, I worry about the environment too, but I don't wipe my ass with a sock and then clean it every day. No. You know what I mean? I just actually use toilet paper. I'm willing to admit there's certain things I can throw out. You burn in a tampon or two, it's not going to, not going to harm any landfill.

1:29:11🔗 Drew Maybe over that reader right now?

1:29:12🔗 Jenna Fischer She noticed it in the trash can. It's not a good thing.

1:29:15🔗 Adam All right. So you really, is it really environmental?

1:29:18🔗 Jenna Fischer Well, yeah, because you're not throwing anything out. You're just reusing something over and over and.

1:29:22🔗 Adam I like that. But you drive a car and stuff, right?

1:29:25🔗 Jenna Fischer I do. I drive a 79 Volkswagen camper.

1:29:28🔗 Adam All right. And that thing gives out more more, puts more carbon and more pollutants into the atmosphere than a fleet of new Hondas.

1:29:38🔗 Jenna Fischer Do your other friends use this? Like, is there a group of you? How'd you hear about it?

1:29:42🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah. Yeah. My friend had heard about it from another girl at a festival and she happened to have one.

1:29:47🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Let me just do it. Let me just do it. Let me give you the weight map here. I knew we were going there. First is, I'm calling in with the keeper. That's my badge cup. That bought you 20 pounds right there. I started everyone off at 125, got to 145. Then I found out she's calling from Oregon. Now, she went from 145 to 165. I went ahead and tacked 20 pounds on for that regional.

1:30:12🔗 Drew Let me add something. You can use your own urine to wash it. This is on the little article here.

1:30:17🔗 Adam I just added 20 pounds. Now, we're at 20. Now, drives a VW camper van. I put 30 on for that with Drew's. What'd I add? 20 from the wash it with your own urine?

1:30:28🔗 Drew Easily.

1:30:29🔗 Adam We're 205 now and then heard about it at a festival. We're up to an even 250. I'm rounding down till I'm being kind. Amy?

1:30:41🔗 Drew It's a giant plunger by the way.

1:30:42🔗 Adam Oh my God. Amy, Amy, listen, seriously, God love you for worrying about the environment. I really think that's cool. I really wish more people would, but I swear to Christ you're driving a 79 VW van that gives out more pollutants than 100 2005 Honda Civics. Or if you want to drive an Element, an Element. You ever drive behind an old VW or an old car now and you're going up a freeway and your eyes are watering after all the windows up? You don't realize it. Drew, you have no idea the difference between cars from the 70s and cars from now.

1:31:21🔗 Drew Yes, I do.

1:31:21🔗 Adam I mean, let's put it this way. Remember when your dad would fire up the Pontiac in the garage with the door closed for a second or something's like smoke. You couldn't breathe. You can take a Honda and basically fire it up and be standing next to it in the garage for 20 minutes talking to your husband and nothing. Yes?

1:31:38🔗 Drew Yes. All right.

1:31:39🔗 Adam Drew's Consume with the with the computer. We're going to take a break.

1:31:42🔗 Drew It's just saying it, but the Vegetarian Times, by the way, says that hold on, I got tacked 30 more pounds on it. Says that toxic shock is lessened by this product, but then it doesn't say how frequently to change.

1:31:53🔗 Adam How is it less than using a tampon?

1:31:55🔗 Drew Well, they're saying that the it may be the case that's because the tampon is more occlusive or more occlusive in some way.

1:32:01🔗 Adam Okay, the this device is than the tampon.

1:32:06🔗 Drew Yeah. Okay.

1:32:07🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:32:28🔗 Jenna Fischer 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:32:51🔗 Adam Yeah, disturbed in here tomorrow night. Wanna thank Jenna Fischer for coming in here from the office Tuesday night.

1:32:56🔗 Drew A show that will be seen by the next time he sees you.

1:32:58🔗 Adam NBC, I guarantee it. My show, Too Late Tonight, Comedy Central, Jeff Probst on from Survivor, and Drew's show Wednesday night, or by Discovery House.

1:33:08🔗 Drew Wednesday, and then I got that Lance Armstrong special coming out on Sunday.

1:33:11🔗 Adam Not so interested in that one.

1:33:13🔗 Drew Why not?

1:33:13🔗 Adam Okay, I'll watch it.

1:33:14🔗 Drew You saw it, it looked good, right?

1:33:15🔗 Adam It looked good, it really looks good.

1:33:17🔗 Jenna Fischer Lance Armstrong's like a superhero.

1:33:19🔗 Adam Yeah, dreamy. Ride's a bike. Yeah, he's a deity, pedals a bike. All right, ready to keep rocking?

1:33:27🔗 Jenna Fischer Yeah, let's go.

1:33:27🔗 Adam All right, so until next time. It's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:33🔗 Jenna Fischer This has been Loveline.

1:33:38🔗 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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