Sunday, September 4, 2005

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content.

1:07🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:17🔗 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21🔗 Adam Here's to your lucky star.

1:23🔗 Caller Hey, everybody, it's The Love Line, man.

1:25🔗 Adam That's Dr. Drew.

1:26🔗 Voiceover Oh, no, 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

1:29🔗 Drew And by the way, those things weren't on anybody's radar screen when we were growing up.

1:32🔗 Adam Yeah, Drew and I were just having a conversation while we were taking a wee-wee.

1:37🔗 After probably nothing.

1:38🔗 Adam Brian?

1:39🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:40🔗 Adam You're 19?

1:42🔗 Caller I am. All right, so you wanna know about furries?

1:45🔗 Caller Go ahead.

1:47🔗 Adam All right, what do you wanna know?

1:49🔗 Adam Well, tell us everything.

1:51🔗 Drew Start at the beginning.

1:51🔗 Adam Give us the bullet point.

1:52🔗 Drew How did you become a furry?

1:54🔗 Caller Well, I ran into him on the Internet, right? Because I thought he was cool, so I ended up in this chat room online and everyone was furry.

2:04🔗 Adam All right, don't tell us your personal story. Give us the broad strokes of being a furry.

2:09🔗 Caller All right, so everyone chooses a character, right? Like an animal of a certain type.

2:16🔗 Drew Is it like, wait a second, is it like Pokemon? We have to pick your character or is it just you make it up?

2:19🔗 Caller Well, I mean, you make it up. People make up all sorts of crazy stuff.

2:23🔗 Adam What are the, what are some of the-

2:24🔗 Caller Crazy? How do you read?

2:25🔗 Adam Well, now, like, could I say I was a koalipus, part platypus, part koala bear, and I make my own sort of costume?

2:33🔗 Caller Absolutely. I think weirder stuff than that.

2:35🔗 Drew And what is the goal in making the elaborate costume to be attractive to other furries?

2:40🔗 Caller I guess that's only part of it.

2:42🔗 Caller It's sort of two separate groups. There's furries and fursuiters. The fursuiters actually dress up and do the whole thing. And most of them are having sex with each other at the conventions.

2:53🔗 Drew The fursuiters.

2:54🔗 Caller Right.

2:55🔗 Adam Do the suits come off?

2:57🔗 Caller Oh, the suits come off. And you're wondering how you get your dong through the hole.

3:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

3:02🔗 Caller Well, they have these things called SPHs. It stands for strategically placed hole. I'm completely serious.

3:10🔗 Adam Oh, no. You can make that up.

3:12🔗 Caller In the front and back, which is, you know. Oh.

3:16🔗 Best Of Using the suits.

3:17🔗 Drew So is this a gay or not gay thing?

3:20🔗 Caller Oh, it's totally gay.

3:22🔗 Drew Oh, it's a gay thing.

3:23🔗 Adam Yeah, it's very gay.

3:24🔗 Adam All the checks and holds still.

3:26🔗 Caller Pretty much 95% of the male furries that I know are gay.

3:31🔗 Adam Yeah. I would hold on to say, Drew, you know what I would go as? I would go as a road sloth, which is road kill meets a sloth.

3:40🔗 Drew I'd just go with an armadillo.

3:41🔗 Adam I would just fall over and just lie there and sleep the entire time. I'd climb up in the tree and just sleep. I wouldn't mind being an animal not to have sex with, but just one that slept a lot.

3:51🔗 Best Of You know what I mean?

3:52🔗 Adam That's my fetish. I'm going to lick my genitalia and then I'm going to take about a 22-hour nap, and then I'm going to move around a little, lick a little more, and then take another nap.

4:02🔗 Drew Nice.

4:02🔗 Best Of All right.

4:03🔗 Adam So are you gay, Brian? I am. All right. And so if you go to a convention, how do you pair up and how do you know what's underneath the costume?

4:17🔗 Drew Are you just attracted to the costume?

4:19🔗 Adam Yeah. And does it matter?

4:20🔗 Caller It's a roll or die. I mean, well, I've never fursuited. I've never done that thing.

4:24🔗 Drew But do you think they're just attracted to the costume, or they want to have sex with that costume? That costume turns me on.

4:31🔗 Caller Animals, you know?

4:33🔗 Drew Do furries prefer oral sex or anal sex?

4:36🔗 Caller I don't think they have a preference. The more sex, the better.

4:39🔗 Adam Sex is any kind. And if you went to one of these conventions where you're dressed up and you had these strategically placed holes, might you have sex with somebody and never know who they were?

4:53🔗 Caller That's entirely possible.

4:55🔗 Drew Is that part of the gig?

4:57🔗 Caller Like a lot of the suits are pretty unique, you know? So people are identified by their suits.

5:01🔗 Drew Another thing is that you never see them with their head off.

5:03🔗 Adam Hold on. I just came up with a great idea for a movie. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, both furries, both banging the bejesus out of each other through the glory hole at the conventions, but working right next to each other in the same office and on longing for love.

5:19🔗 Drew E-mailing.

5:20🔗 Adam E-mailing each other, never knowing that she's the one I've been banging the bejesus out of through the glory hole in the furry outfit.

5:27🔗 Drew Ah, so romantic.

5:28🔗 Adam You know what I mean? But meanwhile, they're falling in love and they're actually humping at a romata, you know, but they don't know it.

5:36🔗 Drew I'm just trying to think of what we're going to call this film.

5:38🔗 Adam Oh, uh, Happy Trail?

5:45🔗 Drew Happy Trail Highlights?

5:46🔗 Adam Hamster Wheel? I'm going to think about it.

5:49🔗 Drew You've got, you've got tail?

5:50🔗 Adam You've got tail.

5:51🔗 Drew There it is.

5:52🔗 Adam That's good.

5:53🔗 Caller Brian? All right.

5:55🔗 Adam Sorry.

5:56🔗 Caller So another thing is that no one uses their real names. So, uh, yeah, I think it could definitely work.

6:01🔗 Caller And and now you've got tail.

6:03🔗 Adam You're you're not into dressing up.

6:07🔗 Caller No, no, I think that's pretty lame.

6:09🔗 Adam Yeah. But then how does your fetish manifest itself if you don't actually get into the outfit?

6:15🔗 Caller Well, you know, when I do have sex, it's kind of animalistic, which I think I mean, it's not too freaky, really.

6:21🔗 Drew You know, a lot of people, if it's furries or furries seem like lovable, soft animals, not aggressive.

6:27🔗 Adam Yeah, you never see squirrels humping.

6:29🔗 Adam Yeah.

6:31🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, what, I mean, here's what I'm saying. You know, so you, so plenty of people just get someone in doggy position, go to town. They don't label themselves a furry.

6:41🔗 Drew Do you bring stuffed animals into the action?

6:43🔗 Caller Well, that's called plushophile. A plushophile is a person that humps stuffed animals. That's real popular.

6:51🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

6:51🔗 Drew That's like your buddy that...

6:52🔗 Adam Listen, I'm not, I know. Look, I'm not a religious man. I don't follow, you know, biblical text too much, but it's time for the cleansing.

7:00🔗 Drew You think?

7:00🔗 Adam Whatever that is.

7:02🔗 Drew Time for the rapture to hit?

7:03🔗 Adam The rapture. We need to be cleansed. We're now, people are plushophiles.

7:08🔗 Drew Why do the poor Indonesians get it? Why didn't it just, the tsunami hit?

7:11🔗 Adam It really, this tsunami needs to wash over the Western world. I mean, you know, like I said, I don't agree with everything the terrorists offer, but a couple of points, a couple of points. We are spinning out a little bit over here.

7:23🔗 Adam They may be over doing it the other direction.

7:24🔗 Drew They may be playing tapes of this show. See?

7:26🔗 Adam See? Yeah.

7:27🔗 Drew Join us.

7:28🔗 Adam Brian?

7:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

7:30🔗 Adam All right. So you're a furry, but you're not a dress furry.

7:34🔗 Caller Right.

7:35🔗 Adam And-

7:36🔗 Drew You called it a flushophile?

7:37🔗 Adam Plushophile.

7:38🔗 Drew Plushophile.

7:39🔗 Caller Like a plushie, you know, a plush toy. Yeah. Yeah.

7:42🔗 Adam And so you would have an engage, you would encounter with another furry. And what would make it, how would we know it was furry? Well, how would we know? Like two gay guys having aggressive sex.

7:57🔗 Adam Yeah.

7:57🔗 Caller You use like a, maybe like a leash and collar.

8:00🔗 Adam That's not furry.

8:01🔗 Drew That's S&M now. Now that's S&M. What does S&M have to do with being a furry?

8:06🔗 Caller Well, you know, some people wear ears and tail.

8:09🔗 Adam Oh, really?

8:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

8:10🔗 Drew I've never worn a tail before.

8:12🔗 Adam Have you worn a tail?

8:14🔗 Caller Yes, I have.

8:15🔗 Drew Have you ever pulled a wagon like Cinderella's? Because it's going that direction too. You know what I'm saying?

8:24🔗 Adam Yeah. You know, if I was gay, I'd just wear a tail all the time and tail up like hot dog from the Archies.

8:32🔗 Drew You present.

8:33🔗 Adam Meant game on. Tail tucked in meant game off. You know what I mean?

8:38🔗 Drew So recovering.

8:39🔗 Adam Forget about the bandanas in different colors. No, it'd just be, I'd be cruising the bar. You saw the tail up in the air.

8:46🔗 Drew I'm just saying, I'm imagining what you would be like. The tail would only be down when you were recovering.

8:49🔗 Adam Yeah, but no, it would depend on how attracted I was to the specific dude, to the certain dude.

8:54🔗 Drew Oh, you'd go up and down as you moved along. I thought you'd just walk through the bar with your tail up.

8:58🔗 Adam No, no, no. What I would do is, I would have, here's what I would do if I were gayer. I would have a belt and I would have a dog's tail and it would be spring loaded. And when it's just left alone, hands off, it would just be tucked in. Right in between my leg. But I would have a piece of fishing string onto it and I would pull it over my shoulder. And so when it popped up, that meant that it was game on.

9:21🔗 Drew So as you walked by a guy you liked.

9:22🔗 Adam And when it let go, it snapped back down again.

9:24🔗 Drew So as you walked by a guy you liked, you'd pull it up.

9:26🔗 Adam I'd pull it up.

9:27🔗 Drew And then it snapped down again.

9:28🔗 Adam I let it snap if it was a dude that had bad skin or something that wasn't attractive to him.

9:34🔗 Drew It's very interesting.

9:35🔗 Adam Yeah, it's the way I want it.

9:36🔗 Drew Again, I'm interested in what motivates humans. I still don't know what motivates the furry thing. I do know.

9:42🔗 Adam Well, look, it's mostly gay. Here's the thing. Gay guys interested in pushing the sexual envelope. I would say most part because it's guy on guy. Therefore, guys in charge of guys.

9:55🔗 Drew Game on.

9:56🔗 Adam Yeah, it's like criminals deciding what to do with a found wallet. What do you think? Think that's going back to the rightful owner? Do you know what I'm saying?

10:04🔗 Drew Yes.

10:04🔗 Adam Now, look, I know it sounds a gay phobic or a homophobic or whatever. No, I'm not saying that. If you took Drew, who's a man of exquisite passion, and you took me, who's, I'll get a boner for you if we have to, and we're into each other and you said like, I don't know, should we be doing it at work or should we do it in the car? Do you think it would be okay to invite your friend Mark from the School of Counting over at USC? It became a yes to everything all the time.

10:35🔗 Adam Because the woman slows things down.

10:38🔗 Drew I had a long discussion, I did a segment for Discovery Health Channel about attraction stuff. I really got into it with this group of people and I realized that one of the things, never know who ever talks about this, it was kind of interesting, that men are kind of always scanning, always ready, ready, ready, ready. They come across a woman who is sort of available, opens the gate and they have like an arousal moment together, that moment of sort of attraction is really mutual arousal. And if she's at the right, you know, it's just timing for her and she's, you know, happens to be kind of attracted to that guy, but kind of, the gates kind of peek open, the guy's going through.

11:09🔗 Adam Right.

11:10🔗 Drew So the women really are determining whether things are going to go forward. Most of the time the gates are closed.

11:16🔗 Adam Yeah.

11:16🔗 Drew And the gates open here and there, because the guys' gates are always open.

11:19🔗 Adam It's like the Panama Canal. We're a cargo ship and we're trying to get through.

11:24🔗 Drew Right.

11:25🔗 Adam And if the gates close and we got to just sit there and if you open it, we move forward.

11:29🔗 Drew Right.

11:29🔗 Adam And eventually we get the other we get around the horn. I don't know.

11:34🔗 Drew The next set of locks.

11:36🔗 Adam The point is, the point is, is when you got guys humping guys deciding on how often, when and where and what we should do, eventually that leads into furries because they just keep going and they burn out a little bit. You know, what's next? We got to keep going. People keep pushing the envelope. Yeah, they're like, they're like anal test pilots. You know what I mean?

12:00🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:00🔗 Adam The gays. Write that down, Drew.

12:03🔗 Drew I'll never forget it.

12:04🔗 Adam Angelique?

12:06🔗 Yes.

12:06🔗 Adam You're 20?

12:08🔗 Caller Yes.

12:09🔗 Adam What's up?

12:11🔗 Caller I've been married for almost a year and I just don't like sex and I'm a bitch sometimes. I was just wondering if you could tell me what to do.

12:20🔗 Drew Well, what does that mean?

12:21🔗 Adam First off, I have trouble believing you're a bitch sometimes.

12:24🔗 Drew What do you mean?

12:25🔗 Adam I'm a pretty good judge of a person's voice.

12:27🔗 Drew Let's examine what you're talking about here. What do you mean you don't like sex?

12:32🔗 Caller It's like, when we're doing it, yeah, I like it, it's fine, but I don't like, I always tell him no or I'm not in the mood. I don't know, I just don't want to.

12:43🔗 Drew Do you, have you always been this way?

12:47🔗 Caller Yeah, I think so, but when we first got together, I was always doing it whatever he wanted because I figured, like after we dated for almost a year, I figured, well, what the hell? We're gonna get married, so why not? So I used to do it all the time.

13:02🔗 Adam Hold on a second. I don't know, I know I'm on a theme tonight, but everyone's just depressed and like they don't, when you're depressed, I don't like my job, I don't like my partner, I don't like sex. I mean, when you're depressed, you just don't like stuff you're supposed to like. That's how they measure it sometimes, right?

13:20🔗 Drew No, that's right, lack of enjoyment in previously enjoyable activities.

13:23🔗 Adam Yeah, and she just sounds like a bummer.

13:26🔗 Drew Yeah, and I wonder if there's something sort of more than just depression here.

13:31🔗 Adam What's up, Angelique?

13:32🔗 Caller No, I love my husband with all my heart. No, I'm not depressed. I don't think I'm depressed at all. I just don't like it. I mean, when we're doing it, it's good.

13:41🔗 Adam All right, not interested. What else is going on in your life?

13:45🔗 Drew Have you always been this way with all men?

13:48🔗 Caller I've only been with my husband and one other guy, and that was one time.

13:53🔗 Adam And what'd your dad say? And what's up? What else is going on? Do you have kids?

14:00🔗 Caller No, I want kids really bad, but I know you have to have sex to have kids, but...

14:05🔗 Drew Do you think you're sort of sabotaging this relationship? Is it hard for you to be in a married relationship?

14:12🔗 Caller Um, I don't think so. I don't know.

14:16🔗 Drew Kind of feels like that.

14:17🔗 Caller But I always get really mad, like, I mean, I get really mad at him at stupid stuff. Yeah.

14:23🔗 Adam Well, listen, hold on, Numbskull. This is why you're not supposed to get married at 19 and a half. Because you get mad at stupid stuff. Barely 20 when you got married. You just get mad at stupid stuff when you're 20, male or female.

14:37🔗 Drew What goes through your mind about your husband? What are you generally feeling about him?

14:42🔗 Caller Oh, I love my husband with all my heart. I really do.

14:46🔗 Drew So what is there to be so mad at then? When he makes you mad, what are you thinking?

14:52🔗 Caller Just how I always have to clean up after him. He doesn't know how to take out the trash.

15:00🔗 Drew So you don't like being his mom?

15:03🔗 Caller Oh, and he calls me. He's like, you're not my mom. When he says that, I want to punch him.

15:10🔗 Adam I can tell there's great love, though.

15:11🔗 Yeah, wonderful.

15:13🔗 Adam What does he do? Does he work?

15:16🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, he works real hard. He works hard, yeah.

15:18🔗 Drew Is he too nice a guy?

15:22🔗 Caller He might be. He is really sweet. Like, whenever we get notified or whatever, he'll just... He's really, really quiet, too.

15:29🔗 Caller So whenever we get notified...

15:31🔗 Drew This sounds like you're running roughshod. The guy that you need to sabotage, because he is nice. It is a very...

15:34🔗 Adam You gotta wake him up.

15:35🔗 Drew Yeah, you need a guy that's chaotic and dangerous and all this stuff.

15:39🔗 Adam Like dear old dad.

15:41🔗 Drew Yep.

15:42🔗 Adam Where's your dad?

15:44🔗 Caller He's probably in bed with my mom right now.

15:47🔗 Adam Yeah? Was he a loudmouth? Was he volatile? Was he an alcoholic?

15:51🔗 Caller No, no, no, no. My mom and dad are ordained ministers.

15:54🔗 Oh.

15:57🔗 Adam So you're a wild child.

15:58🔗 Caller Oh, I was really wild whenever I was growing up.

16:01🔗 Drew Were they... Did they sort of punish you with their stuff?

16:06🔗 Caller With their God?

16:07🔗 Drew Well, what they're punishing with their sort of demands, let's put it that way.

16:12🔗 Caller With their what? I'm sorry?

16:13🔗 Drew Demands upon you. Did you feel like there was sort of...

16:15🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

16:17🔗 Drew Did they become ordained ministers in response to something? Like were they drug addicts at one time or something?

16:22🔗 Caller No, they got married and they just decided to do it mutually like when I was a baby.

16:31🔗 Drew Because why?

16:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

16:33🔗 Caller I don't know. They just found God and...

16:36🔗 Drew Finding God and becoming ministers are two different things.

16:38🔗 Adam Well, even finding God is an adult... Here's the thing about... Okay, let me explain God to everybody. A doesn't exist. So the only way you can believe in them is like you believe in Santa Claus and Easter Bunny and stuff like that. Someone has to feed you a steady diet of it when your brain is soft and it has to get in. If you don't get that, and you're just a right- thinking atheist, and all of a sudden you're 25 and you find God, it usually means the cops found you or you found methadone or heroin or something. You found something and now you find God. Because it's a weird thing. It's like playing the harp, like picking up the harp at 30.

17:15🔗 Drew But then I think I'm going to become minister and me and my wife are going to become evangelists.

17:20🔗 Adam No, unless your parents are both black athletes, in which case it's acceptable because we retire from the NFL.

17:27🔗 Drew Both the husband and the wife.

17:28🔗 Adam She could have played some ball. Yeah. That means something bad. You know what it means to me when you become minister, and I know I sound horrible, but it means you're scared of something that's in you and you're trying to contain it. I'm scared I'm a pedophile. I'm scared I'm lazy. I'm scared I've abused substances or abused kids or abused my kids. I'm going to become this and contain this, and I'm going to read from the Bible three hours a day and try to contain myself.

17:56🔗 Drew Does that sound familiar?

17:58🔗 Caller My parents? I don't really know a lot about my dad's parents.

18:04🔗 Adam All right. You see how the show stops whenever we talk.

18:07🔗 Drew I know, but she's going to tell us about her mom. She's going to tell us.

18:09🔗 Adam Well, when?

18:10🔗 Drew Right now. Here we go. And your mom?

18:13🔗 Caller My mom. She's been married three times to my dad.

18:22🔗 Caller Three times what?

18:24🔗 Caller She's been married three times for my dad.

18:27🔗 Adam Before your dad?

18:28🔗 Drew Before dad is number four.

18:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

18:31🔗 Caller All right.

18:31🔗 Drew So she's bipolar or something.

18:34🔗 Adam Look at this guy's number one for you.

18:36🔗 Drew Wait a minute. So what's up with your mom's past? What else did you find out?

18:42🔗 Caller She has three older brothers, all by different dads. And I know that, well, I don't know. She told me and my brother told me that, like, I guess her first husband beat her real bad.

18:57🔗 Yeah.

18:57🔗 Drew There we go.

18:58🔗 Yeah.

18:59🔗 Drew It's starting to come to focus now.

19:00🔗 Adam Everything's a mess. Angelique.

19:02🔗 Adam Yeah.

19:03🔗 Adam This guy isn't chaotic enough for you. You're freaking out. You got to get some therapy. You're going to destroy this relationship.

19:09🔗 Drew You could respond to therapy, Angelique, if you take advantage of it. Get a therapist.

19:11🔗 Adam You say you love him with all your heart. Why don't you go do some abotigism therapy?

19:16🔗 Drew You can't tolerate relationship. Closeness is very threatening to you.

19:18🔗 Adam Or break it off or do nothing.

19:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

19:20🔗 Adam I don't care.

19:22🔗 Drew Here's what I like. I love when people call our show and go, well, I don't know. That's cool. I love that.

19:31🔗 Adam Well, look, she's nervous. It's late night. She's in Oklahoma. She's having a butt. But yeah, mom and dad are nuts. At least mom is nuts.

19:39🔗 Drew Yeah.

19:40🔗 Adam And by the way, been married four times. She's married at 20. I just start calling the guy number one.

19:47🔗 Caller I wouldn't even call him husband anymore.

19:48🔗 Drew I thought you said call her dad number one.

19:49🔗 Adam No.

19:50🔗 Drew Call her current husband, husband number one.

19:52🔗 Adam Just call him number one.

19:53🔗 Drew Because she's working on it. Yeah.

19:55🔗 Adam Oh yeah. Listen.

19:56🔗 Drew Angelique, this is number one for you. I guess you're planning on three more.

20:00🔗 Adam Well, this is how it works. You get some therapy, otherwise, you're bound to repeat the mistakes your parents made. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

20:11🔗 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline in just a minute or two. Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

20:19🔗 Adam Ready for something new? Try Durex tingling condoms. There's sex and then there's Durex. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

20:36🔗 Caller Oh yeah, I'm Adam.

20:38🔗 Adam That's Dr. Drew. What is it, Memorial Day?

20:41🔗 Drew Yeah, that's what it is.

20:42🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Everyone, give thanks to those veterans that made this country the best in the world. Oh yes.

20:52🔗 Drew By learning something about those wars that they fought in. Isn't that what we've established tonight?

20:58🔗 Adam Could you chicks learn one plane from World War II? One plane.

21:02🔗 Drew Or one battle? Or just adding the axis in the allied force?

21:05🔗 Adam Let me just try something. Jennifer.

21:10🔗 Best Of Yes?

21:10🔗 Adam Jennifer, you're 20?

21:11🔗 Caller Yes.

21:12🔗 Adam One airplane used in World War II.

21:16🔗 Best Of I have no idea.

21:17🔗 Best Of All right.

21:19🔗 Adam There's like 30 to choose from. There's some famous ones.

21:23🔗 Best Of Talk to Mindy. Mindy.

21:26🔗 Caller Yeah?

21:26🔗 Adam One airplane used in World War II.

21:33🔗 Caller I know what it looks like.

21:35🔗 Best Of I can't remember the name.

21:36🔗 Caller It's got the wings and the propeller.

21:38🔗 Best Of Yeah. All right.

21:40🔗 Adam Hold on.

21:41🔗 Best Of All right.

21:42🔗 Adam Is Jamie a dude? Jamie?

21:44🔗 Yes?

21:45🔗 Adam One airplane from World War II.

21:47🔗 Best Of DC-10?

21:49🔗 Best Of No.

21:49🔗 Drew Close.

21:49🔗 Adam Not even.

21:50🔗 Best Of No.

21:51🔗 Drew Well, not DC-10, but.

21:52🔗 Adam No.

21:53🔗 Drew It was a DC plane.

21:53🔗 Adam Look, you were closest and the actual words came out of your mouth. A plane that was invented 30 years later. But that's fine. And it didn't see any action. You know, maybe it's a maybe it's a transport plane, you know, 20 years later. Gina?

22:10🔗 Caller Yes.

22:10🔗 Adam One plane from World War II.

22:14🔗 Caller I'm sorry, history really wasn't my s-

22:16🔗 Best Of All right.

22:17🔗 Adam This is my point, everybody.

22:19🔗 Drew There's one male up there. Want to ask him to see if he can come up with it?

22:21🔗 Adam Well, he's 18 and he's calling from Bakersfield.

22:26🔗 Drew If he knows it, that would prove a point.

22:29🔗 Adam Okay.

22:29🔗 Drew It would make a huge point.

22:31🔗 Best Of Okay.

22:32🔗 Adam Jeff?

22:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

22:34🔗 Adam One plane from World War II.

22:37🔗 Caller J-U-8-8 and a hurricane.

22:40🔗 Caller All right.

22:42🔗 Adam Thank you.

22:43🔗 Caller Oh, my God.

22:44🔗 Adam He's from Bakersfield. So there's obviously some form of mental retardation. He's younger than anybody else we've spoken to. And he called two planes. He called a German plane and an English plane, I believe.

23:00🔗 Best Of Wait a minute.

23:02🔗 Adam Jeff, what do you know so much about World War II aircraft for?

23:05🔗 Caller Actually, right now, I'm reading a book. Roald Dahl wrote it.

23:09🔗 It's about his wife and the RAF. And he talks a lot about them.

23:15🔗 Best Of All right.

23:16🔗 Adam One's a German, one's an English plane.

23:18🔗 Yeah, it was in the War of Greece, I believe.

23:21🔗 Best Of All right.

23:22🔗 Drew Interesting.

23:23🔗 Adam Do you see that? Do you see? By the way, ladies, you know when you guys complain, oh, we get paid 75 cents to your dollar? I'm pissed about that. That ain't enough. I want a buck 25 to your 75 cents. Or maybe we'll just lower yours down to 50. What is it, Drew, what has gone wrong with our educational system? The chicks know nothing about any war of any kind.

23:48🔗 Drew They're not interested in war.

23:50🔗 Adam Okay.

23:50🔗 Drew They're wired differently.

23:52🔗 Adam Who is interested in calculus or statistics or chemistry? Is anyone interested in anything? No, you go to school, you sit there, you absorb a little information.

24:01🔗 Drew No, people are interested in stuff.

24:03🔗 Adam No, nobody in high school wants to take a calculus, a trig or anything. You're nerd ball friends, maybe, but nobody actually enjoys that crap. So hobby, no one practices it outside of high school. It's not like, oh, I got my trig book. So I'm set for the summer. I'm just going to be reading this on the beach. No one's interested. No, you go there, you absorb. Why can't we wedge a little war information to a woman's brain? What goes on with that brain of theirs?

24:32🔗 Drew Maybe we could take a page from their brain and learn something. We not have wars.

24:37🔗 Adam Oh, true. So heavy.

24:40🔗 Caller Who are we talking to?

24:41🔗 Drew Jamie still in Gush.

24:42🔗 Adam Joan Baez.

24:43🔗 Drew Jamie the Gusher.

24:44🔗 Adam Jamie the Gusher.

24:45🔗 Best Of That's right.

24:46🔗 Drew I just instinctively think that whatever a female brain does, it's got to be better.

24:50🔗 Adam They don't know anything about war. Jamie?

24:52🔗 Caller Yes.

24:53🔗 Drew All right. So you, Jamie Gush is on command.

24:56🔗 Caller Yes.

24:57🔗 Drew Okay. How does, how do you do that?

25:00🔗 Best Of Um, like, there's two different muscles for me. And one kind of feels like it's in my stomach. And the other one is like the normal one on the, on the bottom by the lips. But when I press like up here by my stomach, it, it comes out.

25:17🔗 Drew You actually press with your hand?

25:19🔗 Best Of No. I mean, press with my stomach muscles.

25:22🔗 Drew Something comes out there.

25:23🔗 Best Of Yeah. And it's not like a little and it's not like once. It's four or five times and it's a lot. We've had it, um, me and my boyfriend, um, are in his suburban, we've had to rip the carpet out.

25:36🔗 Caller It's that bad.

25:38🔗 Best Of I mean, the back is just totally flooded. And we've had to rip the carpet out and redo the carpeting in it.

25:43🔗 Adam How about you kids get an apartment?

25:46🔗 Best Of Um, actually he's married. So that's like our only.

25:51🔗 Drew Oh, that's the only thing. Except for that, everything's great, Adam. How dare you?

25:54🔗 Adam Pardon me. I didn't mean to offend your delicate sense of it.

25:57🔗 Drew I mean, everything's great with this relationship. And we'll just get rid of the wife and it'll be fine.

26:01🔗 Adam Got to sleep in, in, not, not in his suburban, but their suburban.

26:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

26:06🔗 Adam The one, she drives the kids to school.

26:08🔗 Drew The kids to school, right, right.

26:09🔗 Adam Yeah, you better rip that carpet out by the way.

26:11🔗 Drew That's not so good. How old is your boyfriend?

26:14🔗 Best Of 32.

26:15🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. This guy's all class.

26:17🔗 Best Of I can see his wife like the next day.

26:19🔗 Adam Honey, I found a mound of kitty litter in the back of the suburban.

26:25🔗 Best Of What?

26:26🔗 Adam Yeah. The sack busted open.

26:30🔗 Caller We don't have a cat.

26:33🔗 Adam We're the allied powers of the world. Oh, what a class act, Jamie. Do you work with this guy?

26:42🔗 Best Of No, actually we have a race team and so we go out and I met him there and he started dating me and six months later, I found out he was still married.

26:57🔗 Drew And you have no, you don't have any guilt about this?

27:02🔗 Best Of No, I hate her. She's dumb. I mean, she, she knows.

27:04🔗 Drew She's your best friend.

27:07🔗 Adam She's your best friend, right?

27:08🔗 Best Of I mean, I've been around for two years. We go out and we're alone all the time. Whenever we're sitting at his house, I'm sitting next to him. She's not. I mean, it's, it's so obvious.

27:18🔗 Drew Guess what? There's something about, something about a friend is you trust them. That's part of building a friendship. It's part of allowing a friendship to develop. You have a trust in that person.

27:28🔗 Best Of Yeah, but I'm just friends with her. So like we can get along and she'll keep me, she'll let me be around.

27:33🔗 Drew You're just, Jamie, let's, let's be clear. You're just a despicable person then.

27:38🔗 Best Of Oh, pretty much.

27:39🔗 Drew Yeah. Okay. All right. Well.

27:41🔗 Adam Well, it's always been, I've always been curious about how bad people sort of function in their own, and think about their own skin. You just think you just think yourself as a bad person.

27:51🔗 Best Of Do I think of myself as a bad person?

27:53🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:56🔗 Best Of In ways. Yes, I do. And that's okay. I mean, no, it's not, it sucks. And we talk about it a lot. And actually we got into a fight last night and I was going to leave, but I don't know, the sex is good.

28:07🔗 Adam Sit around and ruin the floor mats of the Suburban.

28:10🔗 Best Of Yeah, it's great.

28:14🔗 Adam What kind of racing does this guy do? Formula One? I can see you guys at Monte Carlo right now.

28:20🔗 Best Of It's a late model. It's a Ford, oh gosh, I didn't...

28:25🔗 Drew Is it a Fairlane?

28:26🔗 Best Of No.

28:27🔗 Adam Is this dirt track?

28:28🔗 Drew Comet?

28:29🔗 Best Of It's round track.

28:31🔗 Adam It's round track. Is there dirt on?

28:32🔗 It's a Ford Taurus.

28:34🔗 Adam Ford Taurus.

28:35🔗 Best Of Ford Taurus late model. I think it was a 2000.

28:38🔗 Adam Yeah. It's not even really stock car.

28:40🔗 Adam This is just...

28:43🔗 Adam Is there dirt on the track? Demolition derby?

28:44🔗 Best Of No, it's paved. It's a paved half track. I actually met him there. I was doing some other stuff down there and I met him and he was actually in a different class and we moved up together and I spot for him. And we've taken our engine out. So, I mean, all year this year, I can pretty much do anything under a hood.

29:06🔗 All right. All right.

29:10🔗 Adam What kind of engine are you running in that Taurus?

29:12🔗 Best Of Chevy 350.

29:14🔗 Drew And a Ford.

29:15🔗 Adam And a Ford?

29:16🔗 Best Of Yeah. Well, the body is a Ford. Everything else is a Chevy. We have a Chevy Grand, a Chevy engine, a Camaro clip.

29:25🔗 Best Of All right.

29:26🔗 Adam All right. So, Jamie, aren't you... By the way, does this guy have kids?

29:31🔗 Best Of Yes, he has two. I didn't know about them either before. And actually, I love his older son. His younger son's more of a mama's boy. And his older son loves me to death.

29:42🔗 Adam Well, that's fantastic. You guys are just a few years apart, huh?

29:48🔗 Best Of Yeah, we're a few. We're as long apart as me and his younger son. We're 11 years apart. So his son's 11 years younger than me.

29:58🔗 Drew Yeah, but your older son, his older son, how old is he?

30:00🔗 Best Of Nine.

30:02🔗 Drew Older son's nine. Okay.

30:03🔗 Best Of Yes.

30:03🔗 Drew Okay.

30:04🔗 Adam All right. So anyway, homewrecker, how about you find yourself a real man, get a guy and get a relationship?

30:12🔗 Best Of I don't know if I'm stuck on this one and I'm hell bent to see this one through.

30:17🔗 Drew Oh, boy, it's going to be a disaster.

30:18🔗 Best Of Yeah, it's already been quite a disaster, but something something just wants me to stay.

30:24🔗 Drew Well, it must have been a horrible disaster you came from in your own home. Yeah. Your family of origin.

30:30🔗 Best Of My parents have been together since high school. I mean, they're high school sweethearts. And the only thing bad is my dad's been sick my whole life.

30:38🔗 Drew What's he got?

30:40🔗 Best Of Kidney failure. He had two different kidney surgeries.

30:45🔗 Drew From what? What was his failure due to?

30:48🔗 Best Of He got it when he was born. It was a hereditary disease.

30:52🔗 Drew Polycystic kidney? Yeah. Are you worried about that?

30:57🔗 Best Of Yeah, because he's dying right now.

30:59🔗 Drew No, but I mean, it's a...

31:01🔗 Adam Yourself, yeah.

31:02🔗 Drew It can be passed along.

31:04🔗 Best Of Actually, I'm adopted. I don't know if I...

31:08🔗 Drew How old were you when you were...

31:09🔗 Adam Here we go.

31:10🔗 Drew How old were you when you were adopted?

31:11🔗 Best Of A baby.

31:12🔗 How old?

31:15🔗 Best Of Six months, maybe.

31:16🔗 Drew Yeah, so God knows what she was exposed to in those six months.

31:19🔗 Adam Listen, we all lay on our feet. Everything happens for a reason, Chami.

31:22🔗 Best Of Hey, I thought this was about my gushing. I mean...

31:25🔗 Drew It was. You got to know some other interesting things, too.

31:28🔗 Adam So now you're a bad person.

31:31🔗 Drew All right.

31:31🔗 Adam So go ahead. Now here's the thing, everybody.

31:34🔗 Drew Part of the thing about that early abuse can be a lack of capacity for empathy. We other people don't really exist in an empathic way.

31:41🔗 Adam Let me explain what makes you a bad person. Not what's in your heart. It's what you do. It's your actions.

31:48🔗 Drew And how you do it, right? No, it's only here about what you do to other people.

31:53🔗 Adam Now here's here's what I've had an ass full of in the society. This guy's a really good guy, but he fills in fill in the blank, beats his kids, murders, prostitutes, does whatever, but in his heart, you know what I mean? If you know him, you know him, you love him. It's just the booze. He gets high and he starts killing hookers. You know, look, I hear for me, it's the opposite. Whatever you do, that's what kind of person you are, not what's in your heart. I don't give a rat's ass about what's in your heart. If you're cheating on it with a guy who has a couple of, couple of a wife and a couple of kids and all this, you're not a good person. He's not a good person. You can't be the world's greatest person and do horrible things. In that case, speaking of World War II, maybe Hitler was a great guy.

32:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

32:41🔗 Adam Oh, he's a great guy. Oh, don't, don't, no.

32:43🔗 Drew Don't judge him by his actions, how dare you?

32:45🔗 Adam That's his work. Don't judge him by his work.

32:47🔗 Adam When he got home, you knew him.

32:49🔗 Adam I was vegetarian. He loved animals and the outdoors. Kiss my ass. You are you are defined by your actions. And conversely, you could be the world's worst person that does the world's greatest things. And I will label you good guy. You see what I'm saying? I don't care if your heart is as black as coal. If you're if you spend every weekend down at the orphanage donating playing the acoustic guitar for the kids with the bald heads, you're a good guy. I don't care what you feel like in your heart. You have too many people that feel too goddamn good about themselves and they're horrible people. If you do bad things, you're a bad person. End of discussion. I don't care that it's you. I don't care that you feel great in your heart of hearts or way down deep anywhere. You're an a-hole.

33:35🔗 Drew Many a-holes that don't realize it that way.

33:37🔗 Adam But put that pressure on yourself. If you're cheating, if you're stealing, if you're ripping off money, if you're cheating a spouse, you're cheating on your spouse, you're doing whatever, you're a bad person.

33:45🔗 Drew Cheers. Quickly, Noel knows why women don't know anything about World War II, Line 5.

33:50🔗 Adam No, it's going to be disappointing.

33:52🔗 Drew Noel?

33:53🔗 Caller Hi.

33:54🔗 Adam You're 28?

33:55🔗 Caller I'm 28.

33:56🔗 Adam Why do women know nothing about wars?

33:59🔗 Caller Well, because since the beginning in elementary school, politics have been fabricated. So we choose not to.

34:07🔗 Drew Fabricated?

34:09🔗 Caller Fabricated. For instance, Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims and the Indians.

34:13🔗 Drew Noel, Noel, Axis powers or allied forces? Who is in each?

34:18🔗 Caller Excuse me?

34:19🔗 Drew The facts, just the facts. Who are the allied?

34:21🔗 Adam We don't need any of your crappy flower power rhetoric.

34:24🔗 Drew No interpretation.

34:25🔗 Adam Just tell us why chicks don't know anything about wars.

34:27🔗 Drew Just the facts. Can you tell us who is in the Axis and who are in the allied powers? No. Just the facts. Okay. That's just the point.

34:33🔗 Adam All right. You go try home some tofu, would you?

34:36🔗 Caller Okay.

34:37🔗 Adam And listen, I know you worry about the man and how he's poisoning the land and all that kind of stuff.

34:44🔗 Caller I don't worry about it.

34:46🔗 Adam You don't.

34:47🔗 Drew He's poisoning the mines.

34:48🔗 Adam You don't like the man though, right?

34:50🔗 Caller Don't like the man.

34:51🔗 Adam I know. But just wait till you get something. You're going to need the man one day.

34:56🔗 Caller Okay.

34:57🔗 Adam The problem.

34:57🔗 Drew When you have a problem with a disease or something.

34:58🔗 Adam Wait till you get that hepatitis C and you need your interferon. Wait till you get the HIV. Wait till you get cancer. Wait till you get something. Then you come kissing the man's ass. Until then, you just live in your fairy tale where you drink your green tea and it cures everything because you have nothing. Wait till you get something and then it's time to kiss the man's ass. All right?

35:18🔗 Caller Well, that still doesn't mean that it's not fabricated.

35:23🔗 Adam Women don't know anything about war because it didn't happen or because the man put a spin on World War II or what happened?

35:31🔗 Caller Because men have been lying since the beginning of time.

35:35🔗 Adam About what? Like, what didn't happen in World War II that we need to know about? Please educate us.

35:42🔗 Caller I'm not talking about World War II. I'm not talking about World War II. I'm talking about the beginning of time, history since the beginning of time.

35:50🔗 Adam Yeah, but by the way, no, believe me, I know you're tight. My mom is one of your type. You just go around spouting your isms. You never can back it up and you just walk around miserable. And if you could actually defend any of your posturing, it would be awesome, but you have no defense. You can never back it up with anything.

36:09🔗 Drew Well, there's no doubt that mankind has mythologized history, particularly violence. We do that. And naturally we do that. It seems to be in us. So yes, we do that, we do that.

36:19🔗 Best Of Now, she's not so.

36:21🔗 Adam And by the way, could we be any further away from an answer?

36:25🔗 Drew No, with that.

36:26🔗 Adam Any anything less satisfying in the answer department?

36:29🔗 Drew A rule of thumb for our screeners, when somebody says, I know the reason that Phil LaBlague.

36:32🔗 Adam Ask them why, because they never know.

36:35🔗 Adam What was her answer? Here's what the screen says, knows why girls don't know anything about WW2.

36:44🔗 Best Of Since the dawn of civilization.

36:46🔗 Drew We need a break.

36:47🔗 Best Of The man has been lying to the children and to nature. And to sheep.

36:54🔗 Adam What the F is she talking about?

36:57🔗 Best Of All right.

36:58🔗 Adam Oh, you all disgust me. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

37:04🔗 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

37:05🔗 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

37:19🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm telling you, it's like big country.

37:23🔗 Drew His intros sound retro.

37:25🔗 Adam What band is that?

37:27🔗 Drew The Killers.

37:28🔗 Adam Ah, The Killers. I like that song. They were in here recently, weren't they? Yeah.

37:33🔗 Yeah. Yes.

37:34🔗 Adam They had good times. All right, let's keep rocking.

37:36🔗 Adam What's the difference between a magpie and a crow? Chris gonna hop right on it? What do you got, buddy?

37:42🔗 Drew I'm gonna get on it.

37:44🔗 Caller OK.

37:45🔗 Adam Anderson, figure that out, would you, buddy?

37:48🔗 Drew As it stands, it looks to us like the magpie lives in England.

37:51🔗 Adam And the crow's out here.

37:52🔗 Drew Yeah. But then again, all we have is UK info.

37:55🔗 Adam Drew, you remember when they laughed at me when I talked about my cancer and venereal sniffing dogs?

38:00🔗 Drew No, no one's laughing now.

38:01🔗 Adam They ain't laughing so hard anymore, are they?

38:03🔗 Drew That's right.

38:04🔗 Adam Jerry?

38:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:06🔗 Adam One day when my tacro units hit the streets.

38:12🔗 Adam Jerry?

38:14🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:14🔗 Adam Your girlfriend squirts when she has an orgasm?

38:17🔗 Caller Yeah. Real quick, Adam, magpies, black and white.

38:21🔗 Drew Yeah, we saw that.

38:23🔗 Adam All right. What's the beat color on the magpie?

38:27🔗 Caller Black.

38:28🔗 Caller Black.

38:29🔗 Adam But Heckel and Jekyll, the two magpies in the old cartoons, they had an orange beak.

38:34🔗 Caller Yeah. I don't know what to tell you.

38:36🔗 Adam Hey, Drew, remember when we did Vibe or whatever and Sinbad was hosting?

38:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:43🔗 Adam We're going to find out. Chris, find out what happened to Sinbad too. Anyway, he was hosting and he was like, man, you guys are totally different. You're like Heckel and Jekyll. And it was funny because he's talking about two identical birds. I think he meant Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Heckel.

39:04🔗 Adam I think that's probably right.

39:05🔗 Adam But he ended up with ironically two twin cartoon birds.

39:09🔗 Adam All right.

39:10🔗 Drew Nice.

39:10🔗 Adam Go ahead, Jerry.

39:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:14🔗 Adam Jerry?

39:14🔗 Adam Go ahead.

39:15🔗 Drew What's up?

39:16🔗 Caller So yeah, whenever me and my girlfriend are having sex, you know, she comes and she squirts. And I've heard you guys talk about this before and it's not peace. I want to know what the fluid is.

39:28🔗 Drew It's from the multiple glands in that area, just like you have a prostate that produce fluids. The women have glands there that can produce stuff too.

39:35🔗 Mm hmm. You dig in it?

39:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:38🔗 Yeah.

39:39🔗 Adam It's your scene.

39:40🔗 Drew Yeah.

39:40🔗 All right.

39:41🔗 Drew Every time does she do this?

39:43🔗 Caller Yeah, every time.

39:44🔗 Drew Wow.

39:45🔗 Caller Every time she comes. I mean, yeah.

39:47🔗 Adam Talk about satisfying. That's something.

39:51🔗 Caller Every time she comes, though, I look around and she's got an asthma mason jar.

39:56🔗 Oh, but yeah.

39:58🔗 Drew They got us.

39:59🔗 Adam Focus call. Good job, Jerry.

40:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:03🔗 Adam Thanks for bringing back the A-hole, the size of the mason jar. Yeah.

40:07🔗 Caller Shout out to Loveline Companion.

40:09🔗 Adam All right. Thanks, buddy.

40:10🔗 Caller See ya.

40:12🔗 Adam I listened. For those of you who don't aren't young enough to remember, the oldest Loveline bogus thing would finish with A-hole, the size of a mason jar. And I guess Drew now tells me it's something I started.

40:28🔗 Drew Yes. You said something about it.

40:30🔗 Adam That somebody picked up.

40:31🔗 Drew Right.

40:31🔗 Adam It's funny. I always liked it. And I was like, I never liked the bogus part of it. But I gotta give him credit for the A-hole size of mason jar. And then I realized the reason I like it is because I thought of it.

40:41🔗 Drew Now, the way to do it is to really savor it. Really hang us out to dry a little bit and then drop the mason jar.

40:49🔗 Adam Yeah. And then there's a guy out in Arizona that started it. Yeah. I don't know where he was. Hopefully dead or in jail. Possibly both. Yeah. But I remember seeing him when I went out to Arizona to do some scary driving. Hockey jersey.

41:04🔗 Caller Goofball.

41:06🔗 Adam All right. You ready to rock?

41:07🔗 Drew Here we go.

41:07🔗 Adam Let's talk to Nick.

41:10🔗 Adam Nick. Oh, you have something on crows?

41:13🔗 Caller Crows, magpies and ravens.

41:15🔗 Drew All right.

41:15🔗 Adam Let's hear it, buddy.

41:16🔗 Caller Okay. They're all from the same family, corvus. The only difference is that magpies actually pica pica, which is essentially the same. They're all corvus. But crows actually hoard nuts and food. Whereas magpies will just eat it. Ravens are scavengers. They've got different sorts of wing structures, so they're able to ride thermals.

41:39🔗 Adam Now, who does the thermal riding?

41:41🔗 Caller Ravens.

41:42🔗 Adam Ravens. I think I have those around my house. Me too. I wonder if I could use attack ravens. I think I could work those too.

41:49🔗 Caller Well, they're protected species, so you couldn't keep them in your home. All corvus are protected.

41:53🔗 Adam Oh, crows are protected?

41:55🔗 Drew Yeah, it's one of the things they're saying. They used to be open season on them, and so farmers and things would kill them.

41:59🔗 Adam All right, but enough's enough. I got a million of those things buzzing around my house every day.

42:03🔗 Caller The thing is, you can actually train them. You're not supposed to. It's illegal. But hey, you do have the ability to train them. Crows can actually speak. What? The ability to hoard. They can use nuts as currency. You've got crows that are high Don Corleone's of the crow world.

42:19🔗 Caller Wow.

42:20🔗 Adam So let me get this straight. The crows go out and collect nuts or whatever they want. And then they would use that as a form of currency. For what? Prostitution. To hang other crows.

42:35🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, of course.

42:36🔗 Adam How about a beak job?

42:37🔗 Drew The oldest job, Adam.

42:39🔗 Caller Profession. No, they just use it among themselves, among other corvus.

42:44🔗 Adam Right, but what do they use it for?

42:46🔗 Caller It's to pay off to watch the horde, to find food, to essentially find new breeding grounds.

42:53🔗 Adam So, one crow would give another crow a nut to go do something?

42:59🔗 Caller Essentially, more of a permission to find out where the horde is, or because since they have a language of their own, they have words for man, they have words, or rather they have cause for man, cause for car, cause for what they request.

43:12🔗 Drew Oh, now we have to train one of these. Now I'm totally into this.

43:15🔗 Adam They talk. I mean, I can hear them all, I can hear them yelling at each other all day long.

43:20🔗 Adam They make that weird, that weird, They do that one, and then they just do the weird caw.

43:25🔗 Caller Right, they caw, caw.

43:26🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, I've heard them. That's awesome. You can. Hey, hold on, Nick, do you do any other birds?

43:34🔗 Caller Let's think of one.

43:35🔗 Adam Drew does fish. Drew, do your mag, do your walleye.

43:39🔗 Drew I would do a grouper.

43:40🔗 Adam Do grouper. Yeah. Drew does a grouper. Drew does an amberjack. Go ahead, do that one, Drew. Nice. Nice, buddy. And this last, last but not least, do your fly under call.

43:56🔗 Adam Awesome.

43:57🔗 Adam That's awesome. Skipjack.

43:59🔗 Adam Skipjack.

44:00🔗 Adam Do skipjack.

44:01🔗 Adam I'll do it again. I love that one.

44:03🔗 Adam That's my favorite one.

44:04🔗 Adam All right.

44:05🔗 Adam Now do a drunk skipjack.

44:07🔗 Best Of Awesome.

44:09🔗 Adam Awesome. Now do a skipjack from the south.

44:12🔗 Drew Mexican, Mexican skipjack.

44:13🔗 Adam Mexican skipjack.

44:15🔗 Adam Yeah, nobody does fish like Drew. And that's not it.

44:19🔗 Adam He doesn't come close.

44:21🔗 Adam He does starfish, too. Do your giant starfish. Go ahead. Sweet.

44:28🔗 Adam Abalone?

44:28🔗 Adam Abalone does abalone, too. Yeah. Tell you what doesn't this guy do. He, he, he, see, I got to, I got to, if I was honest, if I was to be honest, your barnacles are five.

44:39🔗 Drew Oh.

44:40🔗 Adam It's, uh. I'll work it.

44:41🔗 Drew I'll work it.

44:41🔗 Adam Nowhere near one of your anemones. All right. Go ahead, Nick.

44:45🔗 Caller No, if you want to know more information about the language that crows use and the hoarding and everything for their currency, that was in the October 2004 news scientist or rather science magazine.

44:54🔗 Adam Nick.

44:55🔗 Caller That has most of that information in it.

44:56🔗 Adam It's too bad all this information in your high intelligence doesn't translate into one ounce of puntaic.

45:02🔗 Caller Oh, that's negative.

45:03🔗 Adam Really?

45:04🔗 Drew Or get them out of San Bernardino.

45:05🔗 Adam Are you getting laid?

45:06🔗 Caller Not currently.

45:08🔗 Drew Well, but right now.

45:09🔗 Adam Hold on.

45:10🔗 Shocking.

45:11🔗 Adam Shocking.

45:12🔗 Caller I'm at home tonight reading Science Magazine.

45:14🔗 Adam All right. So, Nick, are you telling me that if I trained my crows that I could come out of my house and be like, and that would mean we're going on a car drive as opposed to, which meant I was going on for a walk, you know, going out for a walk or was trying to, you know, get a hand, get a wing in.

45:36🔗 Caller They haven't sat down and done research like that. It's more like you could teach them to say things like corn. They're a little bit more interested in what they want to do. Kind of like that.

45:43🔗 Adam They would understand corn.

45:44🔗 Drew Oh, they'll heading.

45:45🔗 Caller Exactly. You know, you show them a treat, you say corn and they're going to be like, oh, corn.

45:49🔗 Adam Yeah, they'll understand. Well, listen, look, thank you, Nick. You're a genius by the way.

45:54🔗 Caller Well, thanks. Oh, I had one more thing for Drew. I called in 10 years ago because I had a three day erection. I was 13 at the time. Wow. It was because it was my asthma inhaler. I was taking it incorrectly alongside a different one. So I just wanted to say that worked out. I had the asthma inhaler mixed up with the wrong medication.

46:12🔗 Drew Priapism.

46:12🔗 Adam Calling all nerds. Let me tell you something. Calling all nerds. It was, thank you. It was bothering Drew too.

46:18🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm so glad we're leaving now.

46:20🔗 Adam 10 years, plagued. Finally, he can rest.

46:23🔗 Caller All right. It didn't bother me too much. Just that I was in marching band. Yeah, there goes with the nerds.

46:28🔗 Adam Thanks, motor boy.

46:29🔗 Caller I wasn't able to march right.

46:31🔗 Adam Listen, you know, you could just put that long furry hat over. I like you, Nick. What's going on with your life?

46:40🔗 Caller Just chillin.

46:41🔗 Just in school.

46:42🔗 Best Of Where?

46:43🔗 Drew Kelsey Riverside?

46:44🔗 Caller No, Cal State San Bernardino. I wasn't there at the time.

46:47🔗 Adam Desane Junior College, by the way.

46:49🔗 Caller No, that's correct. Cal State.

46:50🔗 Adam Chris, hold yours for a second. Everyone, you know how I shout Junior College every 10 minutes to all the ideas to call the show? You want to know what the difference is? You don't hear it. You don't hear Junior College in this guy's voice. Thanks, Nick. If we had mugs or windbreakers, that's any out one.

47:05🔗 Caller Cool. Have a good one.

47:05🔗 Adam All right, buddy. Thanks.

47:06🔗 Drew Thanks, man.

47:07🔗 Adam It's a good boy. All right. So what did we learn?

47:10🔗 Drew The crows are smarter than we even thought.

47:12🔗 Best Of Look.

47:13🔗 Drew A little heady.

47:14🔗 Best Of Look.

47:15🔗 Adam Dog. You can teach a dog. You know, my dog, when I yell my dog, where's the squirrel? The dog goes nuts. My dog's stupid. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Brain to body. Mass. You know what I mean? That a dog weighs 80 pounds, brain weighs as much as a matchstick. Crows. Probably train those peps.

47:37🔗 Adam Yeah.

47:39🔗 Adam All right, Drew, it's coming together.

47:41🔗 Drew I'm looking forward to this.

47:42🔗 Adam If I'm not here tomorrow, it's because I'm out recruiting.

47:45🔗 Drew We need a big butterfly net to catch a couple of crows.

47:48🔗 Adam And they don't need to be on anyone's endangered list anymore. There's billions of those things. They drive me nuts. They wake me up every morning.

47:53🔗 Drew That explains why they've been spreading so much, too.

47:55🔗 Adam Yeah, everyone's been leaving them alone. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

48:02🔗 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

48:04🔗 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

48:07🔗 Adam One call is all you need to make.

48:09🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

48:10🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

48:15🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

48:17🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

48:38🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-R. Dr. Drew is in New York City. Why, Engineer Chris?

48:49🔗 Because somebody dropped a nickel.

48:51🔗 Best Of That's right.

48:52🔗 Adam Yeah, always funny. Engineer Chris, I told him, well, I announced to the world, and you heard it here first, that I want to replace the kids' pool game, Marco Polo, with Adam Corolla. You know, again, an Italian last name, but a little more contemporary. It's something that kids can identify with.

49:14🔗 Drew Yeah, but not a big deal.

49:15🔗 Adam No, no, I disagree. I disagree.

49:18🔗 Adam I disagree.

49:19🔗 Adam I disagree.

49:20🔗 Drew Oh, really?

49:21🔗 Adam I disagree. I disagree.

49:22🔗 Adam Go ahead.

49:23🔗 Adam I dis...

49:24🔗 Adam uh?

49:24🔗 Drew Huh? Yeah, okay.

49:26🔗 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. Oprah has a magazine. It's not called Marco Polo. It's not called Polo.

49:32🔗 Caller You know what I'm saying?

49:34🔗 Drew What's the last name?

49:35🔗 Adam Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil has a show. It's not called Marco.

49:41🔗 Caller You know what I'm saying? Larry King.

49:43🔗 Adam Larry King. The Larry King Show. You think his real name is Marco Polo and he calls it the Larry King Show? Or you think his name is Larry King?

49:52🔗 Drew Good times.

49:53🔗 Adam I'm just saying I'm not I'm not asking to put my name on a car.

49:57🔗 Best Of You know what I'm saying?

49:59🔗 Adam I'm just want to I just want a kids game. Let's try it. Let's try it.

50:03🔗 Drew Marco. Oh, Adam.

50:05🔗 Adam Corolla.

50:07🔗 Drew Adam.

50:08🔗 Caller Corolla. Slop out of water.

50:12🔗 Drew Slop out of water.

50:13🔗 Adam Slop. Slop.

50:14🔗 Drew Slop. No, no, no.

50:16🔗 Adam It's got to be like Adam's masturbating in the jacuzzi.

50:21🔗 Best Of Yeah, that's kind of a mouthful.

50:23🔗 Adam Let's try it. You got to do the masturbation.

50:26🔗 Drew It's got to be something better. It's got to be something better.

50:28🔗 Adam No, just try it. See if it sounds good.

50:30🔗 Drew Adam. Adam.

50:31🔗 Adam No, but you gotta do it sing-songy.

50:33🔗 Drew Adam.

50:40🔗 Adam In the jacuzzi. In the jacuzzi.

50:41🔗 Drew In the jacuzzi.

50:43🔗 Best Of No, just one.

50:44🔗 Adam Let's try it one more time. Adam.

50:47🔗 Caller Corolla.

50:48🔗 Drew Adam's masturbating in the jacuzzi.

50:50🔗 Adam All right, that's good.

50:51🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:51🔗 Adam That's good.

50:52🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:52🔗 Adam Okay. You see, that could work.

50:56🔗 Adam You have a pool, right, Drew?

50:58🔗 Adam Yeah.

50:58🔗 Adam You have kids, right?

51:00🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:00🔗 Adam They have friends?

51:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:03🔗 Adam Okay. That's the place to get it started.

51:06🔗 Drew My kid.

51:06🔗 Adam Okay. Okay.

51:07🔗 Drew Yeah, I'll do it, I'll do it.

51:08🔗 Caller I'll work on it.

51:09🔗 Drew The catch covered.

51:11🔗 Adam And so Adam's masturbating in the jacuzzi is equivalent to fish out of water.

51:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

51:16🔗 Adam That's all I'm saying. Okay.

51:18🔗 Drew Adam's grabbing his junk. How about that?

51:22🔗 Adam I know it's bumpy, but I'm, you know, and maybe I just heard it first, but I've really grown attached to Adam's masturbating in the jacuzzi.

51:28🔗 Drew In the jacuzzi. Yeah, you're right.

51:29🔗 Adam Okay. Let's talk to Susan or Suzanne. Susan?

51:36🔗 Caller Hi.

51:37🔗 Adam Twenty-seven?

51:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:38🔗 Adam What's up?

51:39🔗 Caller Well, first I wanted to tell you, they did a survey about parking spaces. And when someone's waiting for your space, the average time that the person takes to back up goes up.

51:50🔗 Drew When you're waiting? Except with Adam and I, we kick it at a high gear.

51:55🔗 Caller Right. You're the only ones that know. But most people, when they know someone's waiting, they take their time. Why?

52:01🔗 Drew That's such a bizarre impulse.

52:04🔗 Adam It's weird. Like, I couldn't think of a more uncomfortable position to be in than have somebody waiting on me. If I go to the supermarket and I was going to pay with a check, but somebody pulls in behind me, I'll just pay with cash.

52:21🔗 Drew Me too.

52:22🔗 Adam Right. Or if I have three items and, you know, this guy's got three items behind me, I got a cart full of crap, I'll always just let him go for it.

52:29🔗 I think this is something different, though, guys.

52:31🔗 Adam It is different.

52:32🔗 Drew Why?

52:33🔗 Adam It's not because we're nice either. It's just because I can't... I don't want the attention. I don't want someone staring at me, waiting for me to do something.

52:39🔗 But it's like the whole impulse of I have something you want and you can't have it just yet.

52:43🔗 Adam Yeah. I will be profoundly disappointed in how evil humanity is, if that's true. Like, I always think of people as super out of it and sort of narcissistic but out of it. I don't look at them as intentionally evil. I just look at them as out of it and stupid. They still need to be eliminated. Don't get me wrong. But I never look at it as volitional.

53:06🔗 Caller I think it's the weaker F's in society, too. I see it happen all the time. And I think it's because they're not in a position like that very often, and they relish it.

53:12🔗 Caller Exactly.

53:14🔗 Drew That's still a bizarre impulse, even so. It's hard to even understand it.

53:18🔗 Adam All right. Well, anyway.

53:19🔗 Caller Anyway.

53:21🔗 Adam Go ahead, Susan.

53:21🔗 Caller Okay. So you were talking to the girl earlier who she said she masturbated when she was young and she had this alcoholic family. But I seem to be attracted to those alcoholic guys all the time, but I had a total normal family life.

53:34🔗 Drew Well, sometimes it's a little more subtle than you realize.

53:39🔗 Caller I mean, my dad was kind of, he traveled a lot for his work, right? So, you know, I know Adam always talks about that, like, pay attention to your kids and all that.

53:48🔗 Drew Were you a caretaker in your family? Were you like the oldest or something?

53:50🔗 Caller No, I'm the youngest and all my other siblings are totally normal and two degrees and all that, and I seem to be the one that's just like chaos.

53:59🔗 Drew Well, hang on now. Let's examine what you're doing here. Are you just, are you sort of in, how old are you? Are you sort of into the bad guys or are you specifically attracted to alcoholic addicts?

54:11🔗 Caller It just always ends up that way.

54:13🔗 Drew I know, but some, very often the bad guys, the sort of dangerous guys that you want to try to tame and all that stuff.

54:18🔗 Caller Well, I mean, even when people fix me up with someone, they end up being alcoholics. It's the weirdest thing.

54:23🔗 Adam Well, hold on. Let's see if this cut on. Adam, Susan.

54:27🔗 Caller Corolla.

54:28🔗 Adam Okay. All right.

54:29🔗 Keep going.

54:31🔗 Adam Just want to see if, you're calling from Vegas.

54:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:33🔗 Adam It's pretty hot there during the summertime.

54:35🔗 Caller It just got hot today.

54:37🔗 Adam Yeah. You got a swimming pool?

54:39🔗 Caller In the complex. Yeah.

54:41🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Oh, good. Okay. There's what? There's many units in the complex?

54:45🔗 Caller Yeah. And there's five pools.

54:46🔗 Adam Oh, you got to go from pool to pool to pool, getting the Adam Corolla replaced with the Marco Polo.

54:52🔗 Caller Right. That's why I left LA. You can't do that there.

54:55🔗 Adam Smart. All right. So, Drew, what is it? What's going on?

54:59🔗 Drew Well, I don't quite know. You know, there's sometimes you may have in your family someone who is an alcoholic but doesn't manifest disease. And alcoholics are sort of a unique biological makeup. And as a result, you may just be feel very attached to people that have that kind of feeling about them. That's about the best way I can describe it. So you're not attracted to the disease so much as the kind of person that is prone to developing the disease.

55:23🔗 Caller I mean, my dad, we don't have the best relationship. You know, it was always like, you've got a B. What about that B instead of great? You got all A's except for that B.

55:34🔗 Drew You know what I mean? I got to watch out here. So anyway, Be careful.

55:39🔗 Caller It was always emphasizing the bad and not all the other good things, you know.

55:43🔗 Drew And at least that's the way you experience it. Who knows how he experienced it. But I've just been defending the dads here for a second.

55:48🔗 Caller Sure, why not?

55:50🔗 Drew But were his parents alcoholics? One of his?

55:54🔗 Caller I don't think so. I mean, his dad died before I was born heart disease.

55:58🔗 Drew Well, it may be something to look into, because then maybe that would give them a probability that that sort of genetic quality has been passed down into your dad, even though the disease has not.

56:07🔗 Adam And she knows what she's doing, she can stop.

56:10🔗 Drew Right, and that's the other thing. Just go ahead and kind of avoid that. If you find that very, very attractive, know that maybe that's not such a healthy thing and find guys that are sort of less powerfully attractive to you.

56:18🔗 Adam Let me tell you what engineer Chris found on the internet about Marco Polo. By the way, this is anything you ever need to know about the great explorers, all contained in this sentence or this paragraph here. Marco Polo was a great explorer. He was very brave. Marco was not scared at all when they left to go on the trip. He was also very determined. When people would not believe his stories of his discoveries, he was determined to make them believe him, period. Marco Polo was very courageous too. He wasn't scared of the people in the different countries he visited. Marco Polo was a very brave, determined, and courageous explorer.

57:01🔗 Drew I think that's some of the fourth-grader put up on the web.

57:03🔗 Caller I know.

57:05🔗 Adam What is engineer Chris' batting average on pulling up this stuff that has... I actually know less about Marco Polo now. Do you understand that when engineer Chris pulls something on the Internet, hands it to you, whether...

57:21🔗 Drew It's 50-50. It's 50-50. Be fair. We learned about crows and magpies from him.

57:26🔗 Adam Not really. He told us crows and magpies were the same bird after looking at the computer.

57:31🔗 Drew But he actually printed some stuff for us that sorted that out. A half of it helped us out.

57:35🔗 Adam I am saying...

57:36🔗 Drew The rest of it became toilet paper.

57:38🔗 Adam Whether it's an ex-president, a volcano in Fuji, or Marco Polo... Fiji, sorry. I actually know less about the topic after I read the first page. I know less about Marco Polo right now. I've actually had Marco Polo information sponged from my brain.

57:57🔗 Caller But I've read more stuff for you, though.

57:59🔗 Adam Alright, more. Now, if I read more about them, I'm just getting back to where I was before I read this first page. I'm actually absent Marco Polo information now. I'm in the hole. You understand? Right. Okay, now I owe Marco Polo knowledge.

58:13🔗 Drew Right. You're below zero.

58:14🔗 Adam I'm below zero. I'm in negative Marco Polo line. I knew something about him before this page. Now I owe. Alright, true.

58:21🔗 Drew Not good.

58:22🔗 Adam But anyway, evidently, he wasn't a chicken ass explorer like the ones you always hear about.

58:26🔗 Drew He's very brave.

58:27🔗 Adam Yeah, most explorers, pussies.

58:29🔗 Caller Chris, turn yourself off, please.

58:31🔗 Caller No, leave himself off.

58:33🔗 Best Of Okay. All right.

58:34🔗 Adam Like Ponce de Leon, puss. Ponce is French for pussy. You didn't know that, did you?

58:42🔗 Best Of No.

58:43🔗 Adam All right, Drew.

58:44🔗 Drew Yeah.

58:45🔗 Adam What's happening?

58:46🔗 Drew Just waiting for you guys to finish.

58:47🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

58:48🔗 Caller All right.

58:48🔗 Adam Must be non-crisis. Mary?

58:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:52🔗 Caller You're 20?

58:53🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm 20.

58:54🔗 Adam You have an odd fetish?

58:56🔗 Caller I do. I have a very odd fetish. I'm came on by weight gain, but not like in real life. Does that make any sense?

59:06🔗 Drew Well, I think this, yeah, that's sort of like you like being filled up kind of thing, right?

59:11🔗 Caller But I don't like myself gaining weight.

59:16🔗 Drew No, I know. But you like the idea of things being filled up.

59:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:21🔗 Adam Who do you like gaining weight? Your boyfriend?

59:23🔗 Caller No.

59:24🔗 Caller I'm not attracted to people who are heavy or anything. Like, I like it. Like, I kind of like pretend like in my head, like, I'll imagine like somebody like gaining weight and like overeating and stuff. But it's all like make believe. Like, in real life, it doesn't turn me on.

59:38🔗 Drew Okay. You just, you know, you know how we always talk about how things that are traumatizing become very attractive in adult life? You heard that on our show? Well, one of the things that's rather unusual, but it can happen, and actually to some degree or another, it happens to everybody. But to have it carry over into your sort of adult life is unusual. Is there's trauma around the relationship with the breast, with breastfeeding and that sort of thing, or the bottle, if that was the bottle. And there's a lot of aggression and tear. When you, well, let's, for instance, when you eat, when you eat food yourself, what is the most enjoyable part about it? Is the tearing and swallowing more enjoyable or the taste of it? What part of the eating process do you enjoy?

1:00:17🔗 Caller The taste.

1:00:18🔗 Drew The taste. So how about the texture?

1:00:21🔗 Caller Yeah, texture. Like, I like eating. I'm not, I'm definitely not a...

1:00:25🔗 Drew Yeah. Do you like trying to biting and tearing at things too a little bit? Like, the... Yeah. Yeah. That sort of goes a... And now that we're sort of...

1:00:31🔗 Adam Well, who doesn't?

1:00:32🔗 Drew Right. I know.

1:00:33🔗 Adam Right.

1:00:34🔗 Drew You're right, Adam.

1:00:34🔗 Adam Adam Corolla. OK.

1:00:38🔗 Adam Just a second. Just a second. Mary, you want to try?

1:00:40🔗 Caller Let's try it real quick.

1:00:42🔗 Adam No, no, no, no, no.

1:00:43🔗 Adam I'll do it. I'll lead you.

1:00:44🔗 Caller I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1:00:45🔗 Adam Adam Corolla.

1:00:48🔗 Adam Nice. Nice. I think this is happening.

1:00:51🔗 Drew And just imagine that echoing off the tile, you know.

1:00:55🔗 Adam Oh, imagine just hot summer day. I'm walking down the street and I just hear it echoing from the neighborhood.

1:01:01🔗 Caller Adam Corolla, masturbating in the jacuzzi. Adam's masturbating in the jacuzzi.

1:01:06🔗 Adam Oh, awesome.

1:01:08🔗 Adam Awesome.

1:01:09🔗 Adam There's nothing better than the laughter of children.

1:01:11🔗 Best Of You know what I'm saying?

1:01:14🔗 Drew But anyway, so this so this has this is sort of a remnant of your past. It's not a huge deal. It's something that may or may not, you know, sort of have other expressions in your relationships. Yeah, it's something that you really were interested in. You can get involved with it. Do you have an anxiety disorder? Do you have a lot of anxiety or panic?

1:01:31🔗 Caller A little bit.

1:01:32🔗 Drew Yeah. So if, you know, You have a boyfriend?

1:01:34🔗 Adam You have a boyfriend?

1:01:35🔗 Drew What goes wrong with it?

1:01:36🔗 Caller No.

1:01:37🔗 Adam No.

1:01:38🔗 Drew Are you, do you masturbate a lot? Are you so sexually preoccupied?

1:01:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:42🔗 Drew Yeah. You like that color, that first color we had when I finally got on the air?

1:01:46🔗 Caller No. No. Not that much.

1:01:48🔗 Drew All right.

1:01:49🔗 Adam So what should she do?

1:01:50🔗 Drew Just, just sit and... I would nothing.

1:01:52🔗 Adam Don't make a big deal out of it.

1:01:53🔗 Drew It's not gonna be a big deal. I think it'll get integrated into other experiences. It's just an interesting observation and it doesn't necessarily have to mean anything gigantic. You know, the psychoanalyst listening, you might go, oh my God, there's a big pathology, but the reality is it's not always associated with those symptoms. People can have stable relationships and there you go.

1:02:10🔗 Adam Drew, do you really think we have anyone with a degree listening to this show?

1:02:14🔗 Drew I fantasize about that. Adam.

1:02:17🔗 Adam Corolla. Works every time. All right, so here's the thing. It seems like people can be broken off into two portions of society. One are the folks that question too many things, things that are healthy and normal. They think they're nuts. And then there's everyone else who is doing horrible things and thinks nothing of it.

1:02:38🔗 Drew And they're like an animal. Yeah.

1:02:39🔗 Adam Right. So I don't know. The best is to be the third group, which is by far the minority, which is realize it and recognize it when you're actually up to something that's destructive to you or somebody else. And give yourself a break when you're just having sort of a normal fantasy.

1:02:57🔗 Drew Don't paint yourself with a crazy brush. Or not even right. I'm not even normal fantasy so much as the human, the human brain, the part of our emotional systems is filled with very bizarre fantasies. We have a weird fantasy life before we have language. And there can be remnants of that. And we have this giant structure that sits on top of that, a cognitive system that we constantly override that fantasy system with. And so we make sense of it. So there you go.

1:03:23🔗 Adam We had a whole group of people that won some sort of competition that they're now sorry they entered, who are here tonight watching them. And one of them actually fell off the chair during that long-winded discussion.

1:03:35🔗 Drew What are you talking about? What is this?

1:03:37🔗 Adam I don't know. So we got kids here, Drew. They won some sort of breast cancer competition. And they're here tonight to watch a show. So far it just means shorts and flip-flops make a retarded masturbation jokes. Must be horribly disappointing for them.

1:03:54🔗 Drew Yeah. And that's different why? That other night?

1:03:58🔗 Adam Because normally they'd get to see you too.

1:04:00🔗 Drew I see. Okay.

1:04:01🔗 Adam Now they're just there wishing they never showed up. Well, what are you going to do? Let's talk to Allie who's 16. Allie?

1:04:10🔗 Caller Hi.

1:04:11🔗 Best Of Yeah.

1:04:13🔗 Caller Okay.

1:04:13🔗 Best Of So last night I had sex and everything was fine. And then when he pulled out and we were done and he was about to get his clothes on, I felt something and I didn't know what it was. And the condom slipped off of him and like the tip of it stayed inside me. Inside me.

1:04:34🔗 Drew Oh, is this upsetting her? She had gulps during the middle of that story.

1:04:38🔗 Adam I've gotten gulps before. Well, that's you do it when you're nervous.

1:04:41🔗 Drew And I liked the way she said it, and it slipped inside me.

1:04:45🔗 Adam And so the end stayed.

1:04:47🔗 Best Of Right, right.

1:04:48🔗 Drew That's actually better, that's actually much better than it having slipped off during sort of penetration and the whole thing stayed inside.

1:04:55🔗 Best Of Right, right.

1:04:56🔗 Drew Then it would spill its contents inside you.

1:04:58🔗 Best Of Right, that's what I'm thinking. But I'm just kind of paranoid about the fact that what if anything...

1:05:06🔗 Drew All right, here's the deal. Here's the deal. Right. There's two lessons to be learned here. One is, gentlemen, when you have a condom on and you're pulling out, you are supposed to grab it around the base, because it could slip out very easily. A. B. Morning after pill, any question at all, take it now. 85, 90 percent probability of increasing the risk of pregnancy. It works by what? Only?

1:05:28🔗 Best Of My only problem is because today, like the clinic's closed, tomorrow I have no way to get it before the clinic closes.

1:05:39🔗 Adam No, she's 16. What?

1:05:41🔗 Drew Well, what? What clinic are you talking about?

1:05:44🔗 Best Of Like, I don't know. I think I called Planned Parenthood and their hours are like-

1:05:49🔗 Drew No, listen, why don't you call, just call this number, 1-888-NOT-TOO-LATE, and they will get, send you to a pharmacy locally where you can get that without a prescription.

1:05:58🔗 Best Of Okay.

1:06:00🔗 Drew 1-888-NOT-NUMBER-2-LATE, 1-888-NOT-TOO-LATE, okay?

1:06:03🔗 Best Of Okay, thank you so much.

1:06:04🔗 Caller All right, good luck.

1:06:06🔗 Adam All right, good times.

1:06:07🔗 Drew Good times.

1:06:08🔗 Adam Yeah, you gotta hang on to that condom base. I'll actually use two hands and a heel. I'll let you bring my foot up.

1:06:16🔗 Drew That's good. Well, you have to start holding during the...

1:06:20🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:06:20🔗 Drew Why don't I get into it? Adam?

1:06:22🔗 Adam Corolla! Yeah. All right, where are we going here, Drew? Let's see. We'll talk to... Well, let's talk to Jet, who's been on hold for a million years. But Jet... Somebody named Jet called a couple last week, right?

1:06:41🔗 Drew Right.

1:06:42🔗 Adam Is this the same Jet who called in last week?

1:06:45🔗 Caller This is.

1:06:47🔗 Adam Yeah. Dig that name, Jet.

1:06:50🔗 Drew Meow?

1:06:51🔗 Caller Meow?

1:06:52🔗 Caller Meow.

1:06:54🔗 Caller What? What?

1:06:56🔗 Adam Jet, are you meowing, or is that from last week?

1:06:58🔗 Caller I am meowing, yes.

1:07:01🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Yeah.

1:07:05🔗 Caller So, yes, you have the same Jet.

1:07:07🔗 Caller Right. Right.

1:07:08🔗 Adam I remember we played the song last time, and I was thinking of Paul McCartney's Jet, which may seem very old.

1:07:14🔗 Caller Very old.

1:07:18🔗 Adam All right.

1:07:19🔗 Adam So, why are you meowing?

1:07:22🔗 Caller Well, I'm just kind of wanting a little feedback on the whole oral section.

1:07:27🔗 Drew Come on, don't be such a pussy.

1:07:29🔗 Adam Drew, please. Oh, yeah.

1:07:30🔗 Drew The whole oral section.

1:07:31🔗 Adam But what was the meow part? What am I missing on the meow part?

1:07:36🔗 Caller On part feline?

1:07:38🔗 Drew Whatever. So, what is the...

1:07:40🔗 Adam I'm sorry. I was confused for a second. I thought you're full human.

1:07:43🔗 Best Of I didn't know you were actually. Yeah.

1:07:45🔗 Adam That's a can in you.

1:07:46🔗 Caller I bet she loves Disney films. She's that type of chick.

1:07:49🔗 Adam Part...

1:07:49🔗 Caller You know, I'm sorry I didn't mean to confuse you. I thought you had the perception that all women had multiple personalities. And you were just...

1:07:55🔗 Drew Let's stay focused. Stay focused. Focus. Hold on. Focus.

1:08:00🔗 Adam Focus. How much do you weigh now, Jett? Because that part feline thing just packed 30 pounds on it.

1:08:04🔗 Drew You're fat.

1:08:06🔗 Caller I weigh 140.

1:08:07🔗 Best Of Mm-hmm.

1:08:09🔗 Adam How tall are you?

1:08:10🔗 Caller I'm 5'9.

1:08:11🔗 Drew Okay.

1:08:12🔗 Adam Mm.

1:08:14🔗 Drew I think we went through this last time she called.

1:08:16🔗 Best Of Yeah. Feline. All right.

1:08:18🔗 Adam So keep going.

1:08:19🔗 Drew What did you call about?

1:08:21🔗 Caller I called about the whole oral sex thing.

1:08:24🔗 Drew What does that mean?

1:08:26🔗 Caller Well, I'm a little curious about why some, I know it's okay for a guy to go down on a girl, but when a girl swallows, he doesn't want to kiss her or vice versa. What, I mean, what's the whole attraction to, say, your own bodily fluids as opposed to somebody else's, as opposed to all of that?

1:08:51🔗 Drew Put Jetta on hold for a second.

1:08:52🔗 Adam Jetta's angry.

1:08:54🔗 Drew Oh, man.

1:08:54🔗 Adam What the hell happened to her?

1:08:56🔗 Drew All right. Here's the deal. Nobody likes any fluids in the mouth of any cut buddies.

1:09:00🔗 Adam I don't even like my own spit. I try to get my own spit out of me all the time.

1:09:03🔗 Drew So I don't know what she's talking about. I don't know what she's talking about. Some people will just sort of make an extra effort. What is that?

1:09:10🔗 Adam I'm trying to drain my own spit.

1:09:13🔗 Adam I don't even like my own spit.

1:09:16🔗 Adam Do you realize what kind of torture this life is for me, Drew?

1:09:20🔗 Drew You don't like your spit. You can't sleep. You can't breathe through your nose.

1:09:23🔗 Adam Adam.

1:09:25🔗 Adam Corolla. That's the only thing that saves me is hearing those kids shout my name in the swimming pool.

1:09:30🔗 Best Of What?

1:09:33🔗 Drew Look, I don't know what she's talking about. She's angry. But I think some people will make the effort and sort of try to ignore these things the way of sort of to be in the moment.

1:09:43🔗 Adam Look, all I heard was angry, angry, angry. Chat, what's up? Where's your dad? What's going on?

1:09:50🔗 Caller What do you mean, where's my dad?

1:09:51🔗 Adam Where is he? Why are you angry at men?

1:09:54🔗 Caller I'm not angry at men.

1:09:55🔗 Caller All I said is I love to swallow.

1:09:58🔗 Adam Where's your boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?

1:10:01🔗 Caller I don't have a boyfriend. I'm divorced.

1:10:04🔗 Adam What happened?

1:10:05🔗 Drew How old are you?

1:10:07🔗 Adam Shocking. Thank you.

1:10:10🔗 Drew Why are you divorced?

1:10:11🔗 Caller I know. This is where you get to evaluate me. I came from the...

1:10:14🔗 Adam Hold on. That happened a long time ago with me and you. This is where the listeners get to evaluate you. I already made my decision five minutes ago.

1:10:27🔗 We're not going to come over.

1:10:30🔗 Adam What the hell was that?

1:10:32🔗 Drew I think we're getting somebody else's phone call bleeding in there.

1:10:36🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, let me ask you guys something.

1:10:40🔗 Drew You guys?

1:10:41🔗 Adam Am I the only guy this happens to, Drew? Let me ask you this.

1:10:43🔗 Drew What?

1:10:44🔗 Adam Your cordless phone, not cell phone, but cordless phone at home.

1:10:48🔗 Drew At home, yeah.

1:10:49🔗 Adam Not the range that the ones 10 years ago had?

1:10:52🔗 Drew What?

1:10:53🔗 Adam Mine doesn't, mine, mine, the new ones don't have the range that the old ones had.

1:10:58🔗 Drew I wish I could agree with you on that. I may, because we bought a bunch of new, you can expand the bases, you know, you get a bunch of-

1:11:04🔗 Adam I got that one. I can't make it to the crapper with the goddamn phone.

1:11:07🔗 Drew It's got to be something to do with your house, those big thick walls or something. Really? Yeah, because I think you would got that new house, a new mansion you live in. By the way, I went up there to see the garage and you weren't home.

1:11:18🔗 Adam When? When?

1:11:19🔗 Drew Friday. Friday afternoon or something. I came by.

1:11:21🔗 Adam I was working.

1:11:23🔗 Drew Well, at least the net could be there. Well, ring the thing.

1:11:26🔗 Caller Somebody should...

1:11:27🔗 Drew I did it. I rang it like 12 times.

1:11:28🔗 Caller Yeah. What time?

1:11:30🔗 Adam Middle of the day?

1:11:32🔗 Drew 12.30 or something.

1:11:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:11:33🔗 Adam Everyone's getting lunch. Jet?

1:11:35🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:11:36🔗 Adam Does your phone work better?

1:11:37🔗 Caller All right.

1:11:38🔗 Adam Your dad, what did he do to you?

1:11:40🔗 Caller My dad? My dad did nothing to me. I had a wonderful father.

1:11:45🔗 Adam What about mom?

1:11:46🔗 Drew Till he left.

1:11:48🔗 Caller I had a wonderful mother. I mean, both my parents were out of the home growing up.

1:11:54🔗 Drew Hippies.

1:11:55🔗 Adam They're out of the home?

1:11:57🔗 Caller Yeah. But they set a wonderful example for me to follow.

1:12:01🔗 Adam Well, why didn't your marriage work?

1:12:05🔗 Caller Because I think I did it backwards. I think I intended to kiss the toad and he turned into Prince Charming. And unfortunately, when we kissed, he turned into a toad instead of Prince Charming.

1:12:18🔗 Drew Oh, so that makes crystal clear now. Yeah.

1:12:21🔗 Adam There's a scientific basis for this divorce. I see. He actually turned into a frog. All right. Well, that's fine. I didn't know. I didn't know he'd transformed into a frog.

1:12:29🔗 Drew I need to I need now to know more to know more about what you mean. Your parents were out of the home. What were they?

1:12:32🔗 Adam Yeah. What does that mean?

1:12:36🔗 Caller I don't know. I was the youngest of four children. I guess I was kind of sheltered from reality and the truth of everything between mom, dad, brothers and sisters.

1:12:46🔗 Drew Okay. Here's the deal. Stop speaking in riddles. Just tell us exactly what you mean. Why were the parents out of the home? What were they doing?

1:12:54🔗 Caller Oh, they just worked. Both my parents were two and three jobs to make ends meet.

1:13:01🔗 Drew So they were never home. How did you take care of yourself during the day as a child?

1:13:05🔗 Caller My brothers and sisters and I took care of each other.

1:13:08🔗 Drew How old was the oldest child, say, when you were four years old? What was the oldest child doing the caretaking?

1:13:14🔗 Caller Four-twelve.

1:13:16🔗 Drew So the twelve-year-old was taking care of you when you were four?

1:13:19🔗 Caller That's the most important thing.

1:13:24🔗 Drew That's child abuse, basically. You can't do that. Here's the thing.

1:13:30🔗 Adam We both smelled a nutty fart coming out of jet, right?

1:13:34🔗 Drew Yeah. But again, she's so full of BS. Well, they said a wonderful example. It's okay, guys, to have ambivalent feelings about everything. I remember sometimes I give these presentations at colleges in the first 10 minutes. They want to tell me how things should be and how men are and how women are. No, guys, just talk about how you feel. Yeah. How are you feeling? How do you feel about those things? How does it make you in the present? Don't tell a fairy tale. Don't talk in riddles and hyperbole. Just how do you feel about what happened? It's all fine. Look at it realistically, honestly.

1:14:06🔗 Adam Well, the society has just eroded into one big, long BS yarn where everyone says things like, everything happens for a reason. No one across from them says, shut the F up, you retard. What the hell do you mean by that?

1:14:20🔗 Drew Right.

1:14:20🔗 Adam I can't stand this. You're supposed to kiss a toad and marry a prince. I kissed a prince and got the toad. Fantastic. Now I know all the dynamics of your relationship. You know what the problem is, is the person sits across from them and nods their head.

1:14:35🔗 Drew Absolutely.

1:14:35🔗 Adam You ended up with a toad.

1:14:37🔗 Drew Thanks for being so honest. It's very courageous of you to be honest about a bad marriage.

1:14:40🔗 Adam Just snapped into focus.

1:14:42🔗 Drew Please.

1:14:42🔗 Adam Everyone with your BS, please drop it or use it, but don't bring it here because it infuriates us.

1:14:48🔗 Caller Adam Corolla.

1:14:51🔗 Adam Adam Asprey, The Jujicuzzi. We'll take a quick break.

1:14:55🔗 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:15:00🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready. Ready for something new?

1:15:06🔗 Adam Try Durex Tingling Condoms. There's sex, and then there's Durex. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in New York City.

1:15:27🔗 Drew And I'm staying at that Regal Royal. I think that's where you were staying last week, right? Two weeks ago. I've forgotten how nice those rooms are. And I visited the the ass-squirting toilet seat.

1:15:36🔗 Adam You got the ass-squirting toilet seat?

1:15:37🔗 Drew Yeah, very nice. Has a pulsating setting on it, too.

1:15:40🔗 Adam Yeah, I was there like a week ago enjoying the ass-squirting I got, but it was offset by the monster-size hash mark on the white towel. I mean, there was a white towel that had a hash mark on it the size of a human liver.

1:15:57🔗 Drew Oh, that's very nice.

1:15:59🔗 Adam And I mean, it was so blatant. Let's just put it this way. If I'd taken the thing down to the front desk and said, yeah, this was very visible in my bedroom, and when I came into my room, I would have gotten a week for free. It was that bad. As it is, I just stared at the hash mark for three days and went about my business. I am the best guy to have a check in your hotel or park in the space that you want or any of these things. I'm perfect for all these. I don't say anything. I get the F out of there as fast as I can. That's how I work. Yeah. All right. Where are we, Drew? Ass-sporting. Husband wants her to stick. Oh, got some of the finger in the ass. Yeah, I imagine that. Lori.

1:16:47🔗 Hello.

1:16:48🔗 Adam 27?

1:16:49🔗 Yes.

1:16:50🔗 Adam What can we do you for?

1:16:52🔗 Well, me and my husband have been together for like five years. And I'm just wondering, is it normal for him, for the past, I guess, maybe two months, he's been wanting me to stick my finger up his butt. And also I have a G-spot vibrator.

1:17:14🔗 Adam What's going on?

1:17:15🔗 And you want me to put that up his butt too.

1:17:17🔗 Drew You want us to put that up your butt?

1:17:19🔗 Adam No, up his butt.

1:17:21🔗 Drew First of all, it sounds like, what was that last caller's name?

1:17:24🔗 Adam Jet.

1:17:25🔗 Drew Jet, like Jet's visiting their house.

1:17:27🔗 Adam Laura, I hear a lot of cats in the background. Or is that a kid?

1:17:31🔗 It's one cat.

1:17:33🔗 Adam One cat?

1:17:34🔗 One cat and a dog.

1:17:36🔗 Adam Wow. All right. And do you guys have any kids?

1:17:38🔗 Yes, we do.

1:17:40🔗 Adam Calling from Bakersfield. That's trouble. What went wrong? Something had to go wrong if you're in Bakersfield. What went wrong? Well, and that would be, by the way, if I if I was the mayor of Bakersfield, I would put that on the sign.

1:17:55🔗 Drew What's it doing here?

1:17:57🔗 Adam Bakersfield, what went wrong?

1:18:01🔗 That's what I'm wondering.

1:18:02🔗 Adam Yeah, something obviously has gone wrong. And I would actually have that in the front of every junior college, Joe, it would say, Pierce Junior College, what went wrong? That would be right on the side, because I would shame people into moving on or graduating.

1:18:18🔗 Drew Nice.

1:18:19🔗 Caller All right.

1:18:19🔗 Adam Yeah. Bakersfield, what went wrong?

1:18:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:18:26🔗 Adam And then, and then if I had a Riverside one, I'd say Riverside, at least we're not Bakersfield. That would be the one under. There's a lot of crappy places to live around this area. And I don't know why people, number one, all right. And I don't know why you people live there though. That's my question.

1:18:43🔗 Caller Just cause.

1:18:44🔗 Adam That there you go. That's the number one.

1:18:47🔗 Drew I love that reason.

1:18:48🔗 Adam That's the number one answer. It's also the number one answer a dog gives when he asks why it's lying out in the dirt.

1:18:53🔗 Caller Corolla!

1:18:55🔗 Drew Yeah. There you go.

1:18:56🔗 Adam All right. What does your husband do over there in Bakersfield?

1:19:00🔗 He installs shower doors and shower enclosures and mirrors.

1:19:05🔗 Drew I need some help with that guy.

1:19:07🔗 Adam He's a regular James Bond.

1:19:08🔗 Oh, yeah.

1:19:09🔗 Adam Talk about life in the fast lane.

1:19:12🔗 007.

1:19:13🔗 Best Of Yeah.

1:19:14🔗 Adam All right.

1:19:15🔗 Drew Here's the deal. First of all, I get the real sense your husband put you up to this call.

1:19:18🔗 Caller No.

1:19:19🔗 Adam He's not even here.

1:19:20🔗 Drew All right. Secondly, there are guys that like that sort of internal stimulation. They are rare. But if he's that guy, he's that guy. You know, some guys like that.

1:19:32🔗 Caller Most guys, I mean, what I'm thinking is, is he gay or what?

1:19:35🔗 Drew No, it really doesn't have anything to do with sexual orientation. Has he ever had any gay feelings?

1:19:40🔗 Caller I have no idea.

1:19:41🔗 Drew No, it's not that.

1:19:43🔗 Caller He wouldn't tell me if he did, I don't think.

1:19:45🔗 Drew Oh, fine. Whatever. He likes that stimulated. Some guys like the outside stimulated. I actually did a little piece on this for Discovery Health Channel.

1:19:53🔗 Adam Something you want to tell us?

1:19:54🔗 Drew No, I didn't actually try it, but it makes sense to me that like, okay, that makes sense. But the inside, 95 percent of guys, no way. But there's a few percent that do like it, and he's one of those guys. So what are you going to do?

1:20:06🔗 Caller Well, what bothers me is that he'll want it while we're doing it. And then afterwards, he says, don't do that anymore. And then he'll do it again. I mean, he'll be, he'll want it again.

1:20:18🔗 Drew That's a little more disturbing.

1:20:20🔗 Adam You got kids now. You got to stop doing that.

1:20:22🔗 Adam It's got to be, I don't know.

1:20:25🔗 Adam That's the only answer I have. It's going to be great for Laurie to have this guy come home every day.

1:20:32🔗 Caller Oh man.

1:20:33🔗 Adam Oh, work. Boy, let me tell you. I went and did this job. Guy went and used, well, first off, he put the old door in with screw shields instead of expansion anchors.

1:20:47🔗 Caller Next thing you know, the guy's going to be using Tapcons.

1:20:50🔗 Adam And anyway, he didn't go with the Bondurize caulk. He went with the latex-based stuff.

1:20:55🔗 Adam Oh my God.

1:20:57🔗 Adam She's just going to sit there like, oh my Christ. I mean, your husband installing shower doors and shower curtains just sounds like a novelty boring job. It's the punchline. It's the guy.

1:21:10🔗 Drew Maybe he does high-end shower doors.

1:21:13🔗 Adam It's the guy I sit next to on the airplane. What line you in? Shower doors, shower rings, and curtains.

1:21:20🔗 Drew By the way, I had like a sort of supermodel type person sit down next to me on an airplane today.

1:21:24🔗 Adam Oh my God.

1:21:26🔗 Drew I never had that happen before and didn't utter a word. This person would not speak.

1:21:30🔗 Adam I'm so angry at you, Drew.

1:21:32🔗 Drew I know, but it's worse. It's worse. We'll not have a conversation. We'll not like... You know, you're on the plane. You just want to, you know, sleep or whatever. So I urge you to not wish for that.

1:21:43🔗 Adam I'm angry because I've flown to New York and back a hundred and fifty times.

1:21:51🔗 Drew I thought it would have happened.

1:21:52🔗 Adam I never sat next to a model.

1:21:53🔗 Drew No, I know.

1:21:54🔗 Adam First class. And I always thought, I grew up thinking if you fly to New York, if you're flying to Manhattan and you're flying first class on airplane, there's going to be some kind of famous rock star or model or beautiful something. Never.

1:22:09🔗 Adam I don't even get chicks.

1:22:11🔗 Drew I think they all fly on private stuff now.

1:22:13🔗 Adam Is that what it is?

1:22:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:22:16🔗 Adam How about, I don't know, what is some B or C Lister still kind of cute?

1:22:23🔗 Drew Well, that was David Angrear. I did that.

1:22:27🔗 Adam So was this chick was clearly a model?

1:22:29🔗 Drew No, no, but it was somebody clearly very, very attractive and actually sort of more our age, not like somebody in their-

1:22:38🔗 Adam Not a spring chicken.

1:22:39🔗 Drew Right. But still, I thought of you immediately. I thought that, oh, here I'm finally getting what Adam always wished for and not, not one word.

1:22:48🔗 Adam Did you, did you try to strike something up?

1:22:50🔗 Drew Yeah. A little bit. Nothing. Nothing.

1:22:52🔗 Adam I want to say weird, I would probably be less apt to talk to the attractive woman than I would to the schlubby guy.

1:23:00🔗 Drew Well, you kind of feel like I feel sorry for him. You know, people are always trying to talk to him.

1:23:03🔗 Caller Yeah, it's got to be rough and you're beautiful.

1:23:05🔗 Drew But listen, what do you want to do when you come on that plane? It's just you want to put the noise canceling phones on and just zone out.

1:23:11🔗 Adam Yeah, I know, but a little howdy do to your neighbor is always a good idea. Plus, I'll oftentimes eat their warm nuts.

1:23:20🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:23:22🔗 Adam All right, should we keep rocking here, Drew?

1:23:24🔗 Drew Yes, let's take some calls.

1:23:25🔗 Caller Boyfriend fingers, sir.

1:23:27🔗 Drew What do we have come up this week, by the way, guest wise?

1:23:30🔗 Adam Oh, man, we got Marco Polo coming in here.

1:23:33🔗 Drew Oh, fantastic. He was a very courageous man.

1:23:35🔗 Adam Yeah, he was a brave man who was not scared and oftentimes brave because he wasn't scared. What website do you have? One for like retarded fourth graders?

1:23:46🔗 Adam I just Googled it and that's it.

1:23:47🔗 Adam I don't want stuff that got translated from crayon.

1:23:50🔗 Caller I Googled it and that's what came up.

1:23:51🔗 Adam All right, well, stop Googling around. Ann says that Motley Crue may come in here toward the end of the week, but we'll see. I don't have the list. I don't have the list of guests up here just yet. Christine. Yeah. You're 26. Yes. And you're, it tickles when your boyfriend drops a finger on you. All right, hold on a second.

1:24:19🔗 Drew The hell's that mean?

1:24:20🔗 Best Of I don't know.

1:24:22🔗 Adam At 26, though, you got to get past that, right?

1:24:25🔗 Drew Well, I don't know you're still doing that at 26.

1:24:27🔗 Adam Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla, Adam's masturbating the jacuzzi.

1:24:38🔗 Adam It never gets old. It does not ever get old.

1:24:43🔗 Drew It's like farting for you.

1:24:44🔗 Adam It's funny every time. All right, we'll take a break. We'll get back with that Christine who laughs every time she is on the business end of a finger blasting.

1:24:55🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

1:24:55🔗 Adam And Dr. Drew over there in New York City Night. We'll be right back after this.

1:25:03🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:25:11🔗 Adam Yeah, everybody.

1:25:12🔗 Caller It's Loveline.

1:25:13🔗 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Stabbed in the gut. Can't get a boner. Happened six months ago.

1:25:20🔗 Best Of Anthony from Modesto.

1:25:22🔗 Adam Anthony?

1:25:23🔗 Caller Yo.

1:25:24🔗 Adam What's up?

1:25:25🔗 Caller Not much. I just it's been a while. That's how direction of my girlfriend's kind of getting pissed off by it.

1:25:30🔗 Adam Who stabbed you?

1:25:32🔗 Caller This drunk guy.

1:25:34🔗 Adam Did you know the Buck Knife?

1:25:37🔗 Drew Everybody ever I treated got stabbed by a buck knife.

1:25:39🔗 Adam A buck knife. I don't think people know this. Too many knife names.

1:25:42🔗 Caller I'll become Buck Knife.

1:25:44🔗 Adam Besides, steak knife makes you look like a wuss. And butter knife, that means you're gay.

1:25:49🔗 Adam Where in the abdomen?

1:25:51🔗 Adam What did he stab you with? What kind of knife?

1:25:54🔗 Caller Just a small little pocket knife that had ridges on it.

1:25:57🔗 Adam Ooh, serrated. Bad times.

1:25:59🔗 Drew And where in the abdomen did he hit you?

1:26:02🔗 Caller Lower. It's pretty close to the crotch, but when I went to the doctor, they said it shouldn't affect anything. I've been there a couple times. They said I'm fine down there.

1:26:09🔗 Drew Were you operated on?

1:26:11🔗 Caller No, because he didn't go that deep. I tried to jump back and so he only like poked me in a little bit.

1:26:19🔗 Drew Did they put you on any medication?

1:26:24🔗 Caller No. They just stitched it up and that's it.

1:26:26🔗 Drew Well, you're taking no medication now?

1:26:28🔗 Caller Right now? No.

1:26:29🔗 Drew Right now. No pain pills?

1:26:31🔗 Caller No. I didn't want to take any pain pills.

1:26:33🔗 Drew No pot?

1:26:34🔗 Caller No.

1:26:35🔗 Adam Why didn't you want to take any pain pills?

1:26:37🔗 Caller Because it wasn't hurting that bad.

1:26:38🔗 Adam That's the best part about getting stabbed.

1:26:41🔗 Drew The only good part, right?

1:26:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:26:43🔗 Adam Well, showing the scar at the swimming pool and saying that's where you got before you play a rousing game of Adam Carolla. Showing the scar and saying that's where I was stabbed. No, I was cut. I was cut.

1:26:55🔗 Drew I can't understand how the stabbing could have anything to do with your erection. It didn't get into your abdomen. It barely broke the skin. What are we talking about here?

1:27:03🔗 Caller Well, I don't know, but just ever since then, I can't get into erection when I'm having sex.

1:27:08🔗 Drew When you're having sex, but you get them when you wake up in the morning?

1:27:12🔗 Caller No, I haven't had erection in six months, basically.

1:27:16🔗 Adam Alright, go back to the doctor.

1:27:17🔗 Drew Yes, something's wrong. I can't figure out what it would be, and it doesn't seem like it. Were you traumatized by this whole thing? Is that you're depressed? You're not sleeping? Is it something related to that?

1:27:28🔗 Adam I don't know.

1:27:28🔗 Drew Even then, it sounds so biological.

1:27:30🔗 Adam Yeah, but not having erection in the middle of the night, not having one in the morning when you have to urinate?

1:27:36🔗 Drew Maybe he actually got some other problem along the way here. Let me ask him. Have you been thirsty a lot?

1:27:43🔗 Adam Thirsty?

1:27:43🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:27:45🔗 Drew You're not drinking a lot of water and peeing a lot?

1:27:47🔗 Adam I'm thirsty for knowledge, but you're talking about water?

1:27:49🔗 Drew I'm just wondering if he's diabetic or something else happened in the meantime and he's a primitive man. Well, this happened, therefore maybe you're just getting sick and you didn't notice it and you're equating it with the stabbing. Do you drink a lot?

1:28:03🔗 Caller Beer, yeah, kind of.

1:28:05🔗 Drew How much?

1:28:07🔗 Caller Um, I get drunk on the weekends a lot.

1:28:11🔗 Adam Anthony, if you attempted to masturbate tonight, could you achieve an erection?

1:28:17🔗 Caller Probably not.

1:28:19🔗 Drew Alright, go back to that.

1:28:19🔗 Adam Hold on, probably not?

1:28:21🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, you've got to. I've tried it before and I've done it for at least like five, six minutes and nothing ever happened.

1:28:30🔗 Drew No erection?

1:28:31🔗 Caller No.

1:28:31🔗 Adam Six months of this?

1:28:33🔗 Caller Yeah, it's been horrible. Alright, go back.

1:28:35🔗 Adam Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1:28:36🔗 Drew Do you know what we mean by erection?

1:28:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:38🔗 Drew What do you mean?

1:28:39🔗 Adam Wait, wait.

1:28:41🔗 Drew What do you mean by that? What do you mean by erection?

1:28:45🔗 Caller I get it to come out.

1:28:49🔗 Adam Oh, Drew, they have stumbled on to something.

1:28:55🔗 Drew What's he doing for five minutes without an erection?

1:28:57🔗 Adam Well, he's trying to get one.

1:28:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:59🔗 Adam Now, erection is college, it's city talk, city folk talk for boner.

1:29:05🔗 Caller Oh, okay.

1:29:07🔗 Drew So you don't have an orgasm.

1:29:09🔗 Caller Okay.

1:29:10🔗 Adam But do you get a boner if you try to? I'm not even going to say masturbate, that's a big word too. If you try to-

1:29:17🔗 Drew Loveline has hit a new low on it.

1:29:18🔗 Adam If you try to fiddle with your Pepe, do you get a boner?

1:29:24🔗 Caller Yeah, but I haven't had an orgasm.

1:29:28🔗 Adam No orgasm, but you do have an erection.

1:29:32🔗 Caller Okay.

1:29:33🔗 Adam Okay, well, you see they're very different things.

1:29:37🔗 Caller All right, I'm sorry.

1:29:39🔗 Adam That's all right.

1:29:39🔗 Drew Don't be sorry.

1:29:40🔗 Adam Don't apologize.

1:29:41🔗 Drew But don't-

1:29:41🔗 Adam Apologize to your penis.

1:29:44🔗 Drew Because when you talk to-

1:29:45🔗 Caller I mean do it.

1:29:46🔗 Adam Right now.

1:29:48🔗 Caller I'm sorry.

1:29:49🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. So still can go to the doctor. Drew, when Drew said, I want to know if he knows what erection means, I looked at him cross-eyed.

1:29:59🔗 Drew How dare you?

1:30:00🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:30:01🔗 Drew I think one of our callers cannot understand basic English language.

1:30:04🔗 Adam Right. And when he said he'd been playing with himself for five, six minutes, I thought he was just trying to nurse it.

1:30:10🔗 Drew No, a guy wouldn't do that.

1:30:11🔗 Adam Well, but I also figured five, six minutes was a minute. Instead of him trying to get it going. So he's not having an orgasm. I think we have had people mistake or confuse the orgasm with the erection before.

1:30:27🔗 Drew We've had people confuse all kinds of things.

1:30:28🔗 Caller All right.

1:30:29🔗 Adam Back to the doctor.

1:30:30🔗 Drew Yeah. But don't talk about the stabbing. The stabbing has nothing to do with this.

1:30:35🔗 Caller Right.

1:30:35🔗 Drew Talk to the doctor about this lack of orgasmic function and then see if they can figure that out.

1:30:39🔗 Caller All right.

1:30:40🔗 Drew Well, that's nothing to do with the stabbing.

1:30:41🔗 Adam Let's talk to Chris. Chris?

1:30:44🔗 Caller Yes.

1:30:45🔗 Adam You spend a lot of money on hookers?

1:30:48🔗 Caller Yes. Actually, the last three, four years, it's been pretty bad.

1:30:53🔗 Adam How much is it? What do you get? Do you get sex? Do you get oral sex?

1:30:58🔗 Caller No.

1:30:58🔗 Caller Usually just, you know, hand job.

1:31:01🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:31:03🔗 Drew What's that old-fashioned?

1:31:04🔗 Adam What does that set you back?

1:31:08🔗 Caller More than I could even count.

1:31:11🔗 Adam No, how much per episode?

1:31:12🔗 Adam How much per pop?

1:31:15🔗 Caller About 150.

1:31:17🔗 Adam 150 for a hand job?

1:31:19🔗 Caller Right.

1:31:20🔗 Caller Wow.

1:31:21🔗 Drew Do you know what a hand job?

1:31:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:24🔗 Adam Man, back in the day, we used to get them for like a buck 75.

1:31:28🔗 Caller Right.

1:31:30🔗 Adam 150 bucks for a hand job? Yeah. I think you're getting played. I could give you, I get you the same hand job for 75. Same job. Same hand job. Same one.

1:31:41🔗 Drew Anyway, this is sexual addiction, Chris. This is it. When you start using hookers compulsively and don't want to.

1:31:47🔗 Adam What do you do? Do you do it in your car?

1:31:49🔗 Caller Well, no. Usually at my place.

1:31:52🔗 Adam They come over. Oh. Well, if you're going to bring them over, you got to pay.

1:31:56🔗 Drew Right.

1:31:58🔗 Adam Same girl?

1:31:59🔗 Caller No.

1:32:00🔗 Caller It's always different.

1:32:02🔗 Adam It's a different girl every week.

1:32:04🔗 Caller And sometimes, you know, it's two to three times a week, depending on how much I work.

1:32:10🔗 Adam And what do you do?

1:32:12🔗 Caller I do asphalt.

1:32:14🔗 Adam Does asphalt?

1:32:15🔗 Caller Oh.

1:32:16🔗 Adam What are you doing? You raking or you driving the steamroller?

1:32:20🔗 Caller Actually, I run the paper.

1:32:22🔗 Caller Oh, nice. All right.

1:32:23🔗 Adam Heavy equipment.

1:32:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:32:25🔗 Adam That's a good smelling job, too.

1:32:28🔗 Best Of Yes.

1:32:29🔗 Adam All right, Chris.

1:32:31🔗 Best Of Yes.

1:32:32🔗 Adam What should he do? You're getting compulsive about it.

1:32:34🔗 Best Of Yeah.

1:32:34🔗 Drew You either stop and get a relationship and try to get out of this, or you may have to look into SA, sexaholics, sexatixdontics.

1:32:41🔗 Adam Again, how about some exercise, some activities, get into something? I really do believe that a lot of this stuff would at least curtail if you were tired or invigorated. You came home from-

1:32:55🔗 Drew It's a little bit though of sort of diverting the attention from the real work that needs to be done, because that stuff will surface in some way later.

1:33:01🔗 Adam Let's take a break. We'll be back. Yep, well, there it was, the best of Loveline. I'm Adam Nads, Dr. True World.

1:33:59🔗 Drew We'll be back live tomorrow.

1:34:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:34:02🔗 Drew It's great. I just get my evening going, and I'm already done with work. It's fabulous.

1:34:05🔗 Adam We'll be back in the studio live tomorrow, and until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew is saying, mahalo.

1:34:14🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:34:26🔗 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:34:28🔗 Best Of Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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