Sunday, May 1, 2005

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:17🔗 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20🔗 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician in Dixon Medicines Bibbler. What did you do? Drew, did you go to the premiere tonight?

1:33🔗 Drew No, I didn't.

1:34🔗 Adam Oh, you a-hole.

1:35🔗 I know.

1:36🔗 Drew Did you?

1:36🔗 Adam No.

1:37🔗 Drew Yeah, you're an a-hole, too.

1:38🔗 Adam What's wrong with you?

1:39🔗 I know.

1:39🔗 Drew Same thing is wrong with you, I guess.

1:40🔗 Adam We were supposed to go to the Family Guy premiere.

1:42🔗 Drew I was at a charity event for Sober Living. And I didn't get out of it until about 8-15 or so. And that was that. And my plan was, my big plan, I knew I had to go to that. My plan was, well, then I'll run over there. We'll broadcast from there. See, that was why I was pushing the broadcast thing.

1:59🔗 Adam So, so hard.

2:00🔗 Drew So hard. Yeah. Obviously, we're not there now.

2:04🔗 Adam You got to know nothing's ever going to. Here's here's my thing. If if you want to get something done, go ahead. But then it ain't going to happen. So what about that, Drew? You ever think about that?

2:15🔗 Drew Let me do stuff.

2:16🔗 Adam Well, you're an effective guy.

2:17🔗 Drew I do some stuff. This one wasn't this one wasn't important to me. Evidently.

2:20🔗 Adam All right, all right, all right. You brought up one time.

2:24🔗 Drew Yeah. And I kind of looked into it in the cell. I thought that was never going to happen.

2:28🔗 Adam All right. Well, that's all thing. This show less is less.

2:31🔗 Drew Would you have wanted to do that?

2:33🔗 Adam Here's here's there.

2:35🔗 Drew By the way, there's no place to broadcast there unless we let's care. I brought their van and they weren't willing to do that.

2:40🔗 Adam I would have come out the Family Guy Premier Party that we both got invited to tonight, but didn't attend, which is how bizarre is it that you didn't go and you're picking on me for not having gone? No, no, I'm not picking on you for not going. I'm only picking on you for for making the proclamation that we were going to broadcast.

2:59🔗 Drew I looked into it. I did look into it more than you think. Just wasn't something people were up for.

3:04🔗 Adam Allie?

3:05🔗 Yeah.

3:05🔗 Adam You're 21?

3:06🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

3:07🔗 Adam What's up?

3:08🔗 Caller Well, me and my fiancee, we were just having a discussion about a penis pump. And he was kind of thinking about enlarging his penis.

3:18🔗 Drew Surgically?

3:19🔗 Adam Oh, oh, oh. I thought this was just like a bike pump shaped like a penis, like a kid would use to blow up a rat.

3:26🔗 Drew Or maybe you could just stick it right into the penis, just ffff.

3:29🔗 Adam No, no, no. I'm talking about a penis pump.

3:31🔗 Drew Yeah, I understand.

3:31🔗 Adam Shaped like, you know, that.

3:32🔗 Drew Right, they used to have those bike pumps that were sort of a tube.

3:36🔗 Adam Instead of the kid spending all afternoon blowing up the big Barney float in the pool, let him use the penis pump.

3:42🔗 Drew That was a nice motion you've got going there, too.

3:44🔗 Adam The shaft is the body of the thing, you know.

3:47🔗 Drew And it handles the corona.

3:49🔗 Adam The head is just the only part that comes up and down. Yeah, there's little Bobby pumping away, sweating out in the yard.

3:55🔗 Drew Or it's a hot summer day.

3:56🔗 Adam It really be stroking.

3:58🔗 Drew Yeah, stroking.

3:59🔗 Adam Yeah, it's not two-hander. It's a one-hander. Yeah. Once in a while, he uses his abdomen as leverage when it got tight. He pushed the base up against his stomach and he used two hands. Yeah, it'd be awesome.

4:12🔗 Drew By the way, the family guy was very funny tonight.

4:13🔗 Adam Yeah, it was.

4:14🔗 Drew Very funny. It was all-

4:16🔗 Adam Go write that down, the penis pump.

4:18🔗 Drew Got it. Done and done. But it was so refreshing, it's not a strong enough word. Relief to see it back on the air?

4:25🔗 Adam Nice to see it back on the air. I like there was a disclaimer before the family guy tonight about animated nudity. No, not the one you're talking about. I'm talking about the actual disclaimer.

4:34🔗 Drew Animated nudity and sexual content.

4:37🔗 Adam Wouldn't know what to do with the kids when it came to animated nudity. And if it's animated nudity and there's no ding-a-ling showing, then what is it?

4:49🔗 Drew I mean, this is everybody running scared with the FCC. Right, right. We're going to cover everything.

4:53🔗 Adam Peter Griffiths standing there sort of profile with a huge gut and just a couple of legs. He couldn't see anything. He couldn't see anything else.

5:01🔗 Drew And what's the wife's name? I was going to call her Karen Lois. Lois in sort of a Barbie doll configuration.

5:06🔗 Adam Yeah. Animated nudity. Allie?

5:08🔗 Caller Yes?

5:08🔗 Adam Sorry. So you want to get him a penis pump.

5:11🔗 Caller Well, he wants to get a penis pump, but I am perfectly satisfied with the size of his penis.

5:18🔗 Drew Well, I am all up on this stuff now. I did a show for Discovery Health Channel about penis enlargement.

5:23🔗 Adam How much?

5:24🔗 Drew $11,000 for the widening and the lengthening, just for you, sir. For the widening and lengthening procedure. But the pumps really don't...

5:31🔗 Adam Take SAG or afterimelaniline?

5:33🔗 Drew No. That's not covered by insurances.

5:34🔗 Adam How about if I argue that because of my small penis, I don't have the confidence that I should have when I go out on auditions?

5:41🔗 Drew You give it a try. Why not? I mean, SAG will make the case for you.

5:44🔗 Adam All right.

5:44🔗 Drew And the pumps...

5:45🔗 Adam Speaking of SAG, get that SAG lift.

5:47🔗 Drew Well, there is a SAG lift. I found that out. That's another thing I discovered this weekend.

5:51🔗 Adam All right. So it's 11 grand for the lengthening and the girthening of the Johnson.

5:56🔗 Drew The Johnson. And they do use the pumps and things to stretch this. Listen, they stretch...

6:08🔗 Caller I know. Hello?

6:11🔗 Adam Hello?

6:12🔗 Drew Yes.

6:12🔗 Caller Sorry.

6:13🔗 Adam Okay, baby. Hang on.

6:15🔗 Drew The pump is used... What was that? That's the white translucent trash move there, wasn't it?

6:20🔗 Adam It's on national radio. She's having a conversation with her husband. I'm sure her husband's yelling at her.

6:26🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:27🔗 Adam Yeah, still. It's not gonna work.

6:29🔗 Drew Anyway, the pump is to stretch the skin out on top of the waffle. They suture down there. They do use the pumps. They also use weights. I mean, you gotta see these weights, Adam.

6:39🔗 Adam Oh, I've seen them.

6:40🔗 Drew They're like 20 pounds.

6:41🔗 Adam I've seen them.

6:41🔗 Drew Crazy.

6:42🔗 Adam I've seen them.

6:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:43🔗 Adam No, I know.

6:45🔗 Drew If you dropped it from ages off your leg, you'd get a huge bruise. I mean, it's a heavy weight.

6:51🔗 Adam On your foot.

6:51🔗 Drew On your foot or on your thigh or something.

6:53🔗 Adam Right.

6:54🔗 Drew Yeah. Yeah, penis weights. But yeah, that's 11 grand to get your penis bigger. And the pumps and things really don't work very much. Although I also found out that they were Indian gurus, like, you know, the 12th century, 800 beast AD or something that started this whole thing of hanging weights.

7:08🔗 Adam And you've got to figure it's been going on.

7:10🔗 Drew Since Matt's found his penis.

7:11🔗 Adam Longest time, yeah.

7:12🔗 Drew But they got them really long.

7:13🔗 Adam All right, so he wants the penis pump. There's guys I know who swear by the penis pump. Actually, there's one guy I know I don't talk to anymore, but his dad would hook himself up to the thing for hours on end and swore that with continuous use, over the course of years, you'll get some whatever.

7:31🔗 Drew I've heard you get a little bit from it. I have heard that.

7:33🔗 Adam Well, yeah, it's like, look, if you just tugged on it all day, every day, and you just grabbed it and pulled on it for four hours a day, I imagine you get a little extra something out of it.

7:44🔗 Drew But here's the case in point that who's he doing it for? She's fine. As is the case with women with some of their plastic procedures, they're doing it for other men.

7:52🔗 Adam Right.

7:53🔗 Drew It's for a gym dick.

7:54🔗 Adam All right. That's right. It looks good in the gym. I don't want to take another wiener call. Let's see, got another one we can take him. Still wets the bed?

8:02🔗 Drew Six.

8:03🔗 Adam Yeah, six. All right.

8:05🔗 Drew Amber.

8:05🔗 Adam Oh, let me just say something. Speaking of talking, having the old man yelling while you're on the phone, I ran into a little problem today because my mom's having her choir, LA Valley College Choir thing tonight.

8:22🔗 Drew Yeah.

8:22🔗 Adam You know, and it's today, this evening.

8:26🔗 Drew Oh, you were supposed to go.

8:27🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. She wanted me to go. And I'm going to New York tomorrow. No more kitties. I'll be broadcasting from New York.

8:34🔗 Drew But can I just give a guess? Did Pop Warner Football enter into this discussion?

8:39🔗 Adam No, it was not a bad conversation. What it was is my mom left a message on my machine, you know, and my wife got home today. She started talking to me. Now, I called my mom beforehand and said, yeah, I won't be able to make the choir tonight. I'm leaving in New York tonight. Oh, it's still a fudge factor. You know, I got to leave tomorrow morning. I just said, I just made it tonight, make it a little easier. Same difference. I still got to pack. I got my crap together. Well, my wife's on the, now I walk into the den, I realize my mom, my wife is leaving a message on my mom's machine. She's like, yeah, sorry, Chris. I just got back from Vegas and now Adam is, and now I start to frantic, singling, no, no, no.

9:25🔗 Caller He's going to New York tomorrow.

9:29🔗 Adam Left it on the machine.

9:31🔗 Drew But also, too, I must have had some weird beat before it too, so it's going to be extra obvious. He's not leaving, but he's going to.

9:39🔗 Adam What's the semi-4-4? What are you doing? You're saying last, he's stuck in the well? It's like, I should have just ran over and hung up. Yes. But I know, I saw her and it was like, she was like, yeah, I could tell she was leaving that message tone and she hadn't got to me or was unclear whether she was going to get to me and I just did the, I did to me, no, no, no, no, no, he's slaying it tomorrow. And I just realized chicks don't have an ounce of that, like, you know.

10:15🔗 Drew The semi-4.

10:16🔗 Adam Let me tell you this, if chicks were like.

10:18🔗 Drew They didn't invent Morris Code.

10:20🔗 Adam They did?

10:20🔗 Drew Mr. Morris.

10:21🔗 Adam If they were, that's right, that's right. Mr. Morris. That's right. Well, actually Morris's last name was Code. The point is, no, no, I'm just screwing with you. Here's the point. Codeberg, he just shortened it. He wanted to work in the business. All right. Here's the thing, like if chicks were in a seal unit and you did that move that you see in the Commando movies where you point at your eyes, you know, you do that too, or you do the fist, you know, stop. Chicks would just keep walking out in the fire. They'd be yelling, what? Why are you pointing to your eyes? Two fingers to, shut up. What? You cut your throat? You'd just be all mowed down. You'd be mowed down. My wife will stand there while I back my car up and watch me back into trash cans and just stand there and go, why are you backing in it? I'm looking at you in the rear view. You don't want to raise your hand at some point?

11:15🔗 Drew I don't know what you're doing. This is another difference between men and women. They can't current turn language into symbols. It's just words. It has to be words or it's not coming.

11:23🔗 Adam It's an interesting, interesting point.

11:26🔗 Drew We can physicalize things. We physicalize our words. That's why I said.

11:30🔗 Adam If you start backing out of a driveway and there's a guy anywhere within 100 yards of the driveway, the guy immediately starts directing traffic. He'll do the whistles, hold it, no, a little more. He'll do that thing where he holds his hands out and he starts shrinking it. Two foot, one foot, good.

11:48🔗 Drew Hold the hand. These guys?

11:50🔗 Adam Yeah.

11:50🔗 Drew With the airplanes?

11:51🔗 Adam Semi-four. Yeah, the guys on the carrier decks.

11:53🔗 Drew Is that ever a woman?

11:54🔗 Adam No.

11:55🔗 Drew But even at the airports, the guys who's bringing the jets in.

11:58🔗 Adam Listen.

11:59🔗 Drew That's interesting.

12:00🔗 Adam If I had a pyramid of Fabergé eggs in my driveway and I was backing the car down the driveway, my wife was leaning on the table that the pyramids were on and staring at my reflection in the rear view. She would remain motionless.

12:15🔗 Drew She would talk. She's, what are you doing? What are you doing?

12:18🔗 Adam Yeah. She'd say, where are you going? And then I would back into the Fabergé eggs and she'd say, why'd you do that? What is that with women? And where's the guy? I've said this before, Drew, but I swear to Christ at a concentration camp, a Jew that was working out in the field of Hitler, six wheel Mercedes was backing out. He would drop his rake and start, here we go. Here we go, Führer, a little more. No, you got it. You got it. You got it. Yeah, very good. Good. Yeah. Chicks don't have that, so anyway, my frantic arm waving and my neck slash dang and all that all just translated into. And here's the thing, then you get the, I don't know what you were saying. I don't know. I just don't say it. Don't evoke my name then. Just leave me out of the mix. Then when I'm doing the slash and the no.

13:07🔗 Drew This is the equivalent to the woman of Charlie Brown's teacher.

13:10🔗 Adam Yeah, that I'm down here. It's confusing. It just gets, it's zero. You're more.

13:14🔗 Drew When she says, I don't know what you mean. She means it.

13:16🔗 Adam You're more on the radar than you would have been before because you start flapping your arms around.

13:20🔗 Drew Right, then you're just some weird, I'm making weird physical movements.

13:23🔗 Adam Yeah, but you may not have been brought up before.

13:25🔗 Drew All right, then you're on the mind.

13:26🔗 Adam Now you're on. Yeah, top of mind, top of mind. So they could be talking about sanitary napkins. Your name's gonna get woven in now because you're flapping, you're doing that don't bring my name up move. It's awesome. All right, where were we Drew?

13:38🔗 Drew Five, six, six.

13:39🔗 Adam Amber. Amber?

13:42🔗 Yes.

13:42🔗 Adam 21?

13:43🔗 Yes, I am. Adam, can I first say that I love you?

13:46🔗 Adam Oh, thanks.

13:47🔗 Drew Wow, that was a good passion.

13:49🔗 I've been Loveline since I was like 11.

13:51🔗 Adam Whoa.

13:52🔗 Drew Do you see how she sort of moved into that I love you?

13:55🔗 Adam Yeah, I know.

13:56🔗 Drew And sort of accelerated into it, like who?

13:58🔗 Adam All right, baby. So it's like you feel like you know me, right? Yeah.

14:01🔗 Drew Well, now she does, right this moment.

14:03🔗 Adam All right. What's up?

14:04🔗 Drew Here we are.

14:06🔗 Well, I have a crush on my chemistry professor.

14:10🔗 Caller Hmm.

14:11🔗 Drew College?

14:12🔗 Yeah, junior college.

14:15🔗 Drew She knew to alert you to that.

14:17🔗 Adam I was thrown because I didn't even know the hand chemistry in the junior college.

14:21🔗 Well, I'm transferring to state for their nursing program, so it's nice.

14:24🔗 Adam That's what I like.

14:27🔗 Drew So you've met Adam's criteria.

14:29🔗 Adam Yeah. Now you just need some weird flesh-colored shoes that have hook-and-loop belts on the top of them to freak everyone out when you're coming down the hall.

14:37🔗 Drew All right. Here's the deal. You cannot date a teacher. When you've left the school, that's fine. You're both adults, whatever. But when you were at that school, he is your teacher. No way. No way.

14:48🔗 Caller But what about at the end of the semester when he's not my teacher?

14:51🔗 Drew I would...

14:52🔗 Adam All right. If you're gone, are you leaving the school?

14:55🔗 Caller Not for another six months.

14:56🔗 Drew No. If you're still at the school, I think you'd be putting his job in jeopardy.

14:59🔗 Adam How do you know he's in India?

15:02🔗 It's just kind of weird.

15:03🔗 Caller We just flirt with each other a little bit. I don't know.

15:06🔗 Adam How old is he?

15:07🔗 He's in his early thirties.

15:10🔗 Adam You're 21. Is he single?

15:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

15:12🔗 Adam You know that?

15:14🔗 Caller I'm pretty sure yes.

15:16🔗 Caller He doesn't have a ring on his finger.

15:17🔗 Caller He doesn't talk about anything like that.

15:20🔗 Drew That doesn't mean anything. But look, I think you'll be putting his job in jeopardy. Most schools will have things against students dating teachers. And it's very unhealthy for you to maintain what's called a dual relationship, where you have a relationship with somebody, particularly an authority who is your teacher, doctor, whatever, and also somebody you date. You can't have that. When you're out of the school, that's fine.

15:40🔗 Adam But she graduates from his class. I know what you're saying.

15:44🔗 I've had him for like a year, right? I've had him for a whole year.

15:47🔗 Caller And now, in three weeks, he'll never be my teacher again.

15:50🔗 Drew Have you done stuff like this before, where you've dated people? Have you been victimized with people in authority before?

15:55🔗 Caller Never.

15:56🔗 Adam Well, something's up. She wants to get into nursing. Someone's got to be a little nutty. Alcoholic dad?

16:03🔗 Caller Oh, jeez.

16:05🔗 My dad was an alcoholic when I was a child, but he's no longer a king.

16:11🔗 Drew But the alcoholism leaves an imprint on you.

16:13🔗 Adam No, that's the nursing part. Here's the reality.

16:18🔗 Drew By the way, so that puts this guy in suspect, because the guy in the position of authority who she's attracted to...

16:24🔗 Adam We know there's trouble, but realistically, she's 21. She's not even 19. She's done with this class in three weeks and just becomes one of the many other flunkies that drag their lifeless corpses into the junior college and waste taxpayers' money every year.

16:39🔗 Drew But let's just say that the school has a policy against this and this guy violates that policy. That's saying something about him. So not a good thing.

16:49🔗 Adam You know, I was watching, like, I don't know, 2020 or 48 hours or whatever last weekend, or I think it was like Friday, and they did that thing where they did that story about the warden's wife who was allegedly abducted by a prisoner and had been gone for 10 years.

17:08🔗 Drew What?

17:08🔗 Adam Yeah. And then it was like, did she leave willingly with him? And all things seem to indicate that. But then she says he thinks if she thought they would kill her family, blah, blah, blah. It all seems to seem seems like she split with him. But during, you know, I'm sitting there with my buddy, and we're just watching. It's a wild speculation. What do you think? What do you think she believed? Maybe she this and maybe she that. I said, look, we could get all our answers. Just let me poke around her family.

17:37🔗 Drew Right.

17:37🔗 Caller Of origin a little bit.

17:39🔗 Adam We get our answers. We'll see if her mom took off, if her mom abandoned her, if she was raised by or there was alcoholism or whatever. We could get our answers really easily. All we'd have to do is scrape around a little in the past. Now they interview, you know, guys who write writing books on the subject, the psychologist, the police, police chiefs, you know, forensic, this and that. Everyone has these wild, crazy speculations. Whether it's this or whether it's that. Nobody says, look, I'll get you the answer. Let's find out. I know what her mom is.

18:13🔗 Drew Of course, they probably did talk to that person because it's a pretty easy equation to fill.

18:17🔗 Adam Never makes it to the end. Never makes it to the end. That's it. And basically, she took off with this guy or was abducted by this guy when she had a five year old and like a nine year old and was gone for ten years and never contacted him again. And I just said to my buddy, I guarantee we'll find out that her mom took off.

18:37🔗 Drew Did we?

18:38🔗 Adam No, no, no, no. They never, they never get, no, it's neither here nor there.

18:42🔗 Drew It's gonna be even worse than that, I betcha. It's gonna be something hideous.

18:45🔗 Adam No, but one of the things is, we'll find, look.

18:48🔗 Drew Mary Dill Warden.

18:50🔗 Adam If her parents are together and they loved her very much, she was abducted.

18:53🔗 Drew Absolutely.

18:54🔗 Adam If her mom split with the telephone man when she was six or whatever like that, then she split with the dude.

19:00🔗 Drew Absolutely.

19:00🔗 Adam Now, all I gotta do is, you give me ten questions, no, give me three questions with these guys. I'll get to the answer. I'll give you your answer in five minutes. But they never work that angle. It doesn't exist. And as far as I know, this is the only program or show or radio program that it ever, ever seems to come up on.

19:17🔗 Drew I know.

19:18🔗 Adam It's just doesn't exist for other people.

19:20🔗 Drew Right. It's bizarre.

19:21🔗 Adam Whereas in any other facet of life, if you're trying to figure out a criminal, you immediately just sort of, you go to the past. Let's go see. Let's go find out. Yeah. Troubled in and out of detention centers or juvenile hall or whatever it is, they start piecing things together. So easy.

19:38🔗 Drew So easy.

19:39🔗 Adam And the media especially just not with a 10-foot pole. But here's the thing. And here's one of the clues. They kept interviewing her best friend.

19:49🔗 Drew Not her.

19:50🔗 Adam No, no. Well, she went, no, not her mom.

19:52🔗 Drew Not her family.

19:53🔗 Adam Not her dad. Just kept with the best friend. Never stopped with the best friend. Mom, normally it'd be mom and dad. Jenny would never do this. And never any discussion of them. To raise the kids or the kids had to be raised by their grandparents.

20:09🔗 Drew Where were the grandparents?

20:11🔗 Adam One whole hour of talking to everybody in town. Neither one of them ever popped up. So either deceased or something. But that's where your answer is. All right. Yeah.

20:23🔗 Drew Deep cleansing breath. People make me crazy.

20:25🔗 Adam Yes.

20:25🔗 Drew Me and the media.

20:27🔗 Hi.

20:28🔗 Adam You're 18.

20:29🔗 Caller Yes.

20:30🔗 Adam What's up?

20:31🔗 Caller Well, occasionally. My first one say you guys are great.

20:35🔗 Drew You're gay.

20:36🔗 Adam True. Please.

20:37🔗 Drew Thank you.

20:37🔗 Adam Thank you.

20:38🔗 Caller Your wife.

20:39🔗 Drew You're gay.

20:41🔗 Adam True. Please. Go ahead.

20:43🔗 Caller Occasionally, my penis will smell. Now, I.

20:47🔗 Drew He's gay.

20:49🔗 Caller I really talk to many people, you know, ask guys like, hey, you know, doesn't smell or anything. But like, I just want to know, is that like normal that there is a smell to the penis?

20:59🔗 Adam Like, are you gay, by the way?

21:02🔗 Caller No.

21:02🔗 Drew Are you heavy?

21:04🔗 Caller No.

21:05🔗 Drew And you're how old?

21:06🔗 Adam He's 18.

21:08🔗 Drew Do you.

21:09🔗 Adam Circumcised?

21:10🔗 Caller No.

21:11🔗 Drew Well, that's where the little funk can come in.

21:13🔗 Adam Yeah, you gotta keep that area clean.

21:15🔗 Drew The smell is nothing there. No, it doesn't have to be anything visible. The smell is anaerobic bacteria, bacteria that do not use oxygen for metabolism.

21:23🔗 Adam Ooh, is that what anaerobic means?

21:25🔗 Drew Yeah, and they live without, without oxygen under those folds at the head of the penis.

21:30🔗 Adam You need to.

21:30🔗 Drew If you gotta pull that down and dry it off with a hairdryer.

21:33🔗 Adam Hit it with a hairdryer.

21:35🔗 Drew And the same.

21:35🔗 Caller That's gonna be a little painful.

21:37🔗 Caller Why?

21:40🔗 Drew Now you become bogus. Yeah.

21:41🔗 Adam Sorry, Mike. Bogus.

21:43🔗 Caller Okay.

21:44🔗 Adam Yeah. Sorry, brother. You know, I got a weird little scent. Could have been the pre-pews, but I got a little scent of bogus right when he first opened his mouth. And now I'm real, now I'm real bogus. Yeah. Yeah. You can't do that yet. Look, you can't. It's the same way you can't use a hairdryer on your head without catching your hair on fire.

22:02🔗 Drew Right. You can't.

22:03🔗 Adam Impossible.

22:03🔗 Drew But it just hurts. It burns your head. That's why no one ever uses a hand-held hairdryer.

22:07🔗 Adam No, no, you're frying.

22:08🔗 Drew You get into your skin, it turns black.

22:10🔗 Adam It's like a, it's real. It's like a torch.

22:12🔗 Drew It's a torch.

22:12🔗 Adam It's a jet blast on a carrier deck. Yeah. Your cornea will pop right off. It hits you in the eye.

22:18🔗 Drew Or it's just a gentle breeze of warm air. It's dry.

22:21🔗 Adam Well, he thought the doctor was saying to actually shove the penis inside the heating coils, actually pierce the side of the hairdryer.

22:28🔗 Drew Yeah, I mean.

22:29🔗 Adam And then throw it into the tub.

22:30🔗 Drew With you. Yeah, you attach.

22:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

22:32🔗 Drew Yeah. Yeah. All right.

22:33🔗 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. Oh man. I got bedwetting solutions when we come back. Regrets, dumping girlfriend. Don't get that very often. Boyfriend never has a boner when he wakes up. I know where it is. I got it.

22:47🔗 Drew Every time?

22:48🔗 Adam I stole it from him.

22:49🔗 Drew At your age. Pretty good.

22:50🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh yeah.

22:51🔗 Drew Well done.

22:52🔗 Adam Oh yeah.

22:52🔗 Drew Oh yeah. Good times. Good times. Oh yeah. Even with all the masturbating you do, that's amazing.

22:57🔗 Adam Oh, wait a minute. I am masturbating. That's why I have the butt.

23:01🔗 Drew All right.

23:01🔗 Adam You're right. I'm drunk and I haven't gone to bed yet. That's what it is. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

23:08🔗 1-800-LOVE-191.

23:11🔗 Caller With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

23:14🔗 Caller We'll be right back.

23:37🔗 Adam Yeah, everybody, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Loveline. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Newfound Glory in tomorrow night. Be Real from Cypress Hill is gonna be in here on... Drew, put the bong down, trying to move forward.

23:53🔗 Drew When is he coming in?

23:54🔗 Adam He's coming in Wednesday.

23:56🔗 Drew All right, Newfound Glory tomorrow?

23:57🔗 Adam Newfound Glory tomorrow, and Be Real from Cypress Hill on Wednesday. Let's see, you wanna talk to Brittany's boyfriend doesn't get a boner?

24:05🔗 Drew Sure.

24:06🔗 Adam Let's see, Brittany?

24:09🔗 Yeah?

24:09🔗 Adam You're 18?

24:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:12🔗 Adam What's up?

24:13🔗 Caller Yeah, my boyfriend thinks he has a problem. Some people have been telling them that it's regular. You're supposed to get an erection every morning when you wake up, and he doesn't get them very often, and he thinks something's wrong.

24:24🔗 Drew But he does get them some of the time.

24:27🔗 Caller Yeah, some of the time, but not very often.

24:29🔗 Drew Not everyone has to waken with a boner. Sometimes it happens earlier in the morning. So he may be having them without getting up. Does he sleep long, like 10 hours a night kind of thing?

24:40🔗 Caller Yeah, he sleeps pretty long.

24:41🔗 Drew Yeah, so it's probably happening earlier. Does he get up and pee in the middle of the night?

24:44🔗 Adam Well, yeah. Most people get up after 7 hours, and they have their boner. For him, it's the middle of the night, in an hour 7.

24:50🔗 Drew Right. And so his boner is happening earlier before he wakes up.

24:54🔗 Caller Okay, and sometimes, like, when he does wake up with an erection, it stays hard.

24:58🔗 It doesn't hold up for anything.

25:00🔗 Caller Is that normal?

25:01🔗 Drew It stays high the rest of the day?

25:03🔗 Caller Not the rest. It just stays hard for pretty long. I mean, it's...

25:06🔗 Adam Well, until... He urinates. And then it goes down again, right?

25:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

25:12🔗 Drew Right. That's what everyone... Brittany, Junior College?

25:16🔗 Adam Brittany, Junior College or heading for Junior College?

25:19🔗 Caller Heading for actually St. Louis University.

25:22🔗 Adam Oh, really? Go Owls. What's St. Louis University?

25:28🔗 Caller It's a university in St. Louis, Missouri. I'm going to be a marketing major.

25:33🔗 Adam Okay. All right. All right. And your boyfriend and you have regular relations? Everything's fine?

25:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

25:41🔗 Caller Everything's fine.

25:42🔗 Caller Relax.

25:43🔗 Caller I was wondering how long is it normal for a guy to last, like, in having sex? Is there, like, a normal time or...

25:51🔗 Drew I think 10 minutes is the...

25:54🔗 Adam I would say this. I would say 10 minutes, but I would say... 10... Well, here's quite the problem. Remember, we're talking about women with their ability to a spatial judgment and time and stuff like that. 10 minutes seems really short to them, I think. But 10 minutes is a continuous intercourse, is sort of 10 minutes of running hard on a treadmill without stopping. It's not going to feel that short when you're on the treadmill or hitting a heavy bag or doing whatever for 10 minutes. So 10 minutes, but 10 minutes means 10 minutes. It will go down in your head as 20 minutes.

26:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

26:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

26:32🔗 Drew Yeah. So is 10 minutes too long as an average? Maybe eight?

26:38🔗 Adam For actual intercourse. And then what about interruption? I mean, you know, switching positions and stuff.

26:46🔗 Drew Yeah.

26:46🔗 Adam Actual intercourse.

26:49🔗 Drew Eight minutes?

26:50🔗 Adam Couple of long, you know, a couple of fairly long, you know, songs.

26:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

26:55🔗 Adam Stairway to Heaven.

26:56🔗 Drew It's eight minutes.

26:57🔗 Adam That's Seven and Change.

26:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

26:59🔗 Adam Yeah. Let's say somewhere like in there. All right. Still wet.

27:02🔗 Drew But no more than 10 and most women get irritation.

27:04🔗 Adam That's right. Cause they want to watch their shows. Dan?

27:09🔗 Caller Yes.

27:09🔗 Adam Year 20?

27:10🔗 Caller Correct. I live with my girlfriend. I am 20 years old. I have my major job and we support each other. My girlfriend is going to college full time. She's 35. And we are in a debate right now as in whether or not for a couple of times, I've been living with her. I've wet the bed. And I don't know what to do in regard to taking any medication for it.

27:38🔗 Drew Hold on. Now, Dan, Dan, you just tossed out very casually. Your girlfriend's 35?

27:43🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:44🔗 Adam But she's in college, so it evens out.

27:47🔗 Drew What's she doing in college at 35? What went wrong?

27:51🔗 Adam Not studying.

27:52🔗 Caller She has had numerous health problems to where she's had her college longed out.

27:59🔗 Drew Her what?

28:00🔗 Caller She's had cancer.

28:01🔗 Drew What kind of cancer?

28:03🔗 Caller Lymphoma in the intestine.

28:05🔗 Drew Wow.

28:06🔗 Adam Wow. And so what does she have to do?

28:09🔗 Caller She's had, she's going through chemo.

28:12🔗 Adam Right now?

28:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:14🔗 Drew You're not bringing this into focus. Why did she, so the chemo-

28:18🔗 Adam That's right now.

28:18🔗 Drew Right now. Why didn't she go to college when she was in her twenties?

28:21🔗 Caller Because she's had cancer and had heart problems her whole life. She had an artificial heart valve in her chest.

28:29🔗 Drew Right.

28:30🔗 Adam Wow.

28:31🔗 Caller Well, anyways, she's going through, she's going through psychology, right? And when this issue came up, she thinks that it's psych- that is, um, that the, um, bed writing is in my head as in something happened wrong, right?

28:45🔗 Drew Well, hang on, put it on Dana Holder.

28:46🔗 Adam It's happened.

28:47🔗 Caller Hold on.

28:47🔗 Drew Dan clearly is regressive, right?

28:50🔗 Adam Yes. Dan sounds like he's not.

28:52🔗 Drew In Dan's case, there is a regressive quality to it. The question, though, is the solution a psychological solution or behavioral solution? Adam and I believe that basically trying to manage the behavior is part of a more efficient way to go.

29:05🔗 Adam Well, there's an interesting theory that I've sort of put into action. Drew and I have kicked about and argued about. Then it becomes a chicken or the egg sort of thing, which is most people have tendencies psychologically and they have beliefs and hurdles, stumbling blocks, repeated behavior that gets in their way. I think we all do. My feeling is sometimes you just have to sort of power past it. Drew argues, well, then you're cured. Then you're cured. In a certain sense, if you can not deal, you know.

29:39🔗 Drew Not have that problem, that symptom.

29:41🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean, you could go to, you could read a thousand books and talk to a thousand therapists or you could just set an egg timer to go off two hours after you go to bed and take a whizz in the sink in the middle of the night and it would stop. But on a broader, bigger picture here, Drew, there's a lot of things in general that people have that they do that they end up just sort of powering through.

30:07🔗 Caller You know what I'm saying?

30:08🔗 Drew And that's not a good thing or that is a good thing?

30:09🔗 Adam No, it is a good thing. I believe it's a kind of therapy that people don't involve themselves in often times.

30:16🔗 Drew Didn't I brought in an article for you here about the egg timer thing that you published?

30:20🔗 Adam Oh, well, Drew, listen, I'm Da Vinci in Nostradamus put together when it comes to this stuff. Dan?

30:27🔗 Caller Yes. Well, I agree to a certain extent. I am currently going to counseling and I have been since my father died when I was 11. But I have been running the bed my whole life.

30:41🔗 Adam Well, good. Hey, Dan, I know this sounds rhetorical, but I'm going to be in a hole anyway. Are you interested in stopping?

30:50🔗 Caller Yes, correct.

30:51🔗 Adam Yes, you are.

30:52🔗 Caller All right.

30:52🔗 Adam Now, here's the deal, Dan. I'm sure you're not going to do what I'm going to tell you to do, but I will tell you how to stop and it will work. You can choose to do it or not.

31:04🔗 Drew I suspect Dan will have to set the timer twice a night.

31:07🔗 Caller Possibly.

31:09🔗 Adam I will tell you how to do this. Okay. What time do you go to bed at night?

31:15🔗 Caller About 10.30 every night.

31:17🔗 Adam About 10.30? About nine hours early or night?

31:20🔗 Caller I have to get up for work at 7.30 in the morning, so I wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning to get up ready for work.

31:26🔗 Drew All right. So basically 10 to 6.

31:28🔗 Adam How do you take your eggs? Basted, sun-side up, or you're scrambled?

31:31🔗 Drew Soft-boiled. Soft-boiled?

31:33🔗 Adam Medium. Not runny though. No.

31:35🔗 Drew You said medium.

31:36🔗 Adam You like medium. All right. Dan, listen with all three of your ears. Next time you're at the supermarket or even make a special trip to the drug store or to the supermarket, go down that little aisle where they have the little meat thermometers and the turkey basters and the duct tape and all that stuff and get yourself a kitchen timer. Not the ones that have sand in it. The ones that take batteries. Okay? By the way, that hourglass, is that the worst invention ever? Because you go to it, it's empty, you don't know when it stopped. I know. All right, so Dan, get yourself that kitchen timer. It's a little digital kitchen timer. It'll say hours, it'll say on and off, and it'll say minutes. I want you to start, and do you have any idea when you wet the bed or do you sleep straight through?

32:23🔗 Caller I actually sleep straight through, I've actually sleep through fire alarms going off.

32:28🔗 Adam All right, oh, so it's a sleeping thing.

32:30🔗 Drew But so he may not be able to wake up with the right timer.

32:33🔗 Adam Dan, we're gonna try this. You're gonna have to get this timer. You have to get a couple of door cell batteries. It's only gonna take one AA. And I need you to put it out of reach because you're gonna reach over in your sleep and slap this thing and shut it off.

32:49🔗 Caller My girlfriend wakes me up.

32:51🔗 Adam Okay, okay, here's the thing. First night, let's go for three hours. Set the thing for three hours and when it goes off, your girlfriend's gonna get you up and you're gonna go to the bathroom.

33:03🔗 Drew And then again, three hours.

33:05🔗 Adam We'll try it one time. We're gonna try it one time for three hours the first night. If you wake up and there's a big pool of stuff that smells like vinegar in your pants, the next night, set it for two hours.

33:16🔗 Drew Okay.

33:17🔗 Adam You see what I'm saying?

33:17🔗 Drew And if you set it for two, keep it down louder and do it more than once.

33:21🔗 Adam But now, here's the thing. If you set it for three hours and you get up and you don't even feel like you have to go to the bathroom, next night you can try it for four hours. We're gonna try to get it just a little bit before you would have wet. And I would imagine it's about the same time, because I used to wet the bed. My grandfather figured this out with me. He woke me up. I whizzed in a bucket. I never wet the bed. It's pretty easy. What it is is you wouldn't wet the bed if you were taking a nap, but you can't make it eight hours without doing it. So wake yourself up in three, four hours, evacuate the bladder, and then you make it. It's simple, super simple, easy stuff. Or you could just sit in the Shrinks office and try to wrap your head around it for the next 400 years. All right. Get that egg timer. And let me say this, everyone. Oh, I just bought one today. I bought my fifth one today. And that's not lifetime. Lifetime's sort of 35. I probably bought about 10. I bought one today. I bought one for my buddy, the Wheeze, too. And here's what-

34:22🔗 Drew Did he wet in the bed again?

34:23🔗 Adam No.

34:23🔗 Drew No.

34:23🔗 Adam He goes number two in the bed.

34:24🔗 Drew Oh, okay, good, good.

34:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:26🔗 Drew Corporal, yeah.

34:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:27🔗 Adam If the good news is he sleeps on his back. So his stomach, I should say. So his wife is able to remove it with a pitching wedge. Should get it right off. Doesn't get messy. Now, here's what I want to say. I beg everyone to get these timers, because I'll tell you why. The Wheeze, he likes to go home sometimes at lunch, get out from his work, take a nap. And I know that take a nap at lunch thing. You sleep with one eye open. You never get, pam, you set this thing for 18 minutes. You go to bed. You set it for 22 minutes. You go to bed. I've been begging this idiot to get it for the last five years. I finally bought it for him and threw it in the stupid basket today. Alright, everyone, get one of these. Do. Alright. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

35:09🔗 Drew I'm with you.

35:11🔗 Adam Sabrina?

35:12🔗 Yeah.

35:13🔗 Adam You're 20?

35:14🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

35:15🔗 Adam Here's what I'm saying, Drew. What percentage of your naps, hell, whenever?

35:22🔗 Drew 10%.

35:22🔗 Adam It's rare that you're just like, well, I'm going to bed down and if I wake up, if I wake up at an hour, fine. If I wake up tomorrow morning, so be it.

35:29🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:30🔗 Adam You know, you don't have that. You have that, like, I gotta, I gotta recharge the batteries, but I gotta get going in about 40 minutes.

35:35🔗 Drew Yep.

35:35🔗 Adam And you never get a restful nap because it's a constant looking over at the clock. Get this thing. It's five bucks, everybody. Get it. And never set your alarm again. Your alarm, let's say, goes off normally at 730 in the morning, but you've got a situation where you got an early flight and you got to get up at five. Don't redo the alarm. Set this thing for five hours or six hours or do the math.

35:58🔗 Drew Hour and a half in your case?

36:00🔗 Adam Hour and a half.

36:00🔗 Drew What's it going to be tonight? Seriously, what's it going to be?

36:04🔗 Adam Oh, no, I'm taking a later flight tomorrow. I was going to do the Tuesday thing at the crack of half an hour now. I know. So nice.

36:13🔗 Drew You can't go that late because of Loveline. It's hard to get in from out, you know.

36:16🔗 Adam I got it. Don't you worry. All right. Let's take a break, Drew. Regret Stumping Boyfriend. Yeah. We're just checking. Serena.

36:24🔗 Caller Yes.

36:25🔗 Adam It's a hot name, Serena.

36:27🔗 Caller Thank you.

36:28🔗 Adam Yeah. People ever call you Bree?

36:32🔗 Caller No, but they do tend to use the whole Serena the Teenage Witch, but call me Serena the Teenage Witch.

36:38🔗 Adam Oh, must be hot. Yeah. You know what you got. You dumped your boyfriend?

36:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:46🔗 Drew You were radio off.

36:48🔗 Adam You dumped your boyfriend? Yeah.

36:50🔗 Caller Yeah. I broke up with my boyfriend because I was under the impression that he was cheating on me, and I didn't think about talking to him about it first, and I let my friend push me into breaking up with him because I was so upset. I was hysterical.

37:06🔗 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

37:08🔗 Drew You know those friends are up too.

37:09🔗 Adam Yeah. They're on TomFim right now.

37:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

37:11🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break. Get back with Sabrina, The Possible Teenage Bitch after this.

37:18🔗 Caller Hello. What is it?

37:40🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew. Newfound glory in tomorrow night, and be real, from Cypress Hill on Wednesday night.

37:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:53🔗 Caller What?

37:54🔗 Adam I'm gonna ask, who should we ask? Is there a dude on here? John?

37:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:59🔗 Adam John's 25. Let me just ask John a quick question before we get back to Emily, dumpster boyfriend.

38:05🔗 Drew John?

38:05🔗 Adam John?

38:06🔗 Caller You ever heard of?

38:07🔗 Adam Have you ever heard of the auto race Le Mans?

38:12🔗 Caller Not really.

38:13🔗 Drew Who?

38:14🔗 Adam Never heard of it?

38:15🔗 Caller No.

38:16🔗 Drew That's Justin, the Germany or Florida guy.

38:17🔗 Adam All right. Let's see, Justin 25. Justin.

38:22🔗 Caller What's up?

38:23🔗 Adam Have you ever heard of the automotive, the car race Le Mans?

38:27🔗 Caller Yeah. I'm a straight male in America. Sure. Yeah.

38:31🔗 Adam You know what country it's in?

38:34🔗 Caller France.

38:35🔗 Adam There you go.

38:36🔗 Drew Do you know what the sort of tour is, what the name of the tour is Le Mans is a part of?

38:43🔗 Caller Nope.

38:43🔗 Adam No, that's a weird question.

38:44🔗 Drew It's a weird way to ask it.

38:45🔗 Adam Grand Prix is just everything now.

38:48🔗 Drew But it's a tour. It's a tour. It's a racing tour.

38:50🔗 Adam All right.

38:51🔗 Drew Here's the deal. I think you and I were raised in a day in which the Grand Prix had a much greater appeal and a lore.

38:57🔗 Adam The Grand Prix stuff isn't the part of it. LeMans is the biggest race in the world.

39:01🔗 Drew But it had a lore, an appeal in the 60s. It was a big deal.

39:05🔗 Adam Maybe it did. No, it's the biggest race in the world.

39:08🔗 Drew I know that.

39:10🔗 Adam Let's put it this way. Go try to get tickets for LeMans in the next five years.

39:14🔗 Drew But it's like saying, you know who's going to be in the World Cup, in the semifinals or something. That's the biggest thing in the world and Americans are clueless about it.

39:24🔗 Adam Serena?

39:24🔗 Caller Yes.

39:25🔗 Adam You're 20?

39:26🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

39:27🔗 Drew All right.

39:28🔗 Adam So you regret. Are you hot?

39:31🔗 Caller I think I'm hot.

39:33🔗 Adam And you dumped your boyfriend because you thought he was cheating?

39:36🔗 Caller Yes, I did.

39:39🔗 Adam And it turns out he wasn't cheating?

39:41🔗 Caller As far as he told me, he wasn't. He said that they were just friends and I kind of analyzed our relationship. We were together for six months and we were together every single day. I was practically living in his house. I would sleep there all the time.

39:55🔗 Drew Keep going.

39:56🔗 Caller Keep moving.

39:59🔗 Drew What number of boyfriend is this for you?

40:02🔗 Caller I've dated a lot of guys, but as far as relationship wise, this is my third.

40:07🔗 Drew Seattle, your third.

40:08🔗 Caller This is my third real relationship. I've dated guys, but never gotten into relationships with them.

40:14🔗 Drew It just feels to me like you're not ready for a relationship yet. It's just you're just sort of, you're kind of get cling on, you get a sort of joint at the hip with the guy, but you don't know who he is, you're not really committed, you're sort of like a thoroughbred, you run off if it looks like you're looking at another woman. You're not ready.

40:33🔗 Adam Spook.

40:34🔗 Drew Yeah, you're spooky.

40:35🔗 Caller All right.

40:36🔗 Adam Spooky.

40:37🔗 Drew Witchy woman.

40:38🔗 Adam Yeah, then put a spell on that guy. Got them cat eyes, devil woman. Yeah, but always hot. Never, never fat assed, witchy woman with a hook nose.

40:50🔗 Drew But I worry about the friends telling you to leave the guy. That's a little bit suspicious.

40:54🔗 Caller Like I've never, like, well, there's a lot of, like his fraternity brothers, there's a lot of them that don't like him. And it was one of the guy's girlfriends. And I'm really concerned.

41:03🔗 Drew All right, let's move along, Sabrina. Move along.

41:05🔗 Adam It's just not the Tiger B to come.

41:08🔗 Drew Kind of keep dating people, meet some new people.

41:10🔗 Adam Move along. You broke up with him. That's fine.

41:13🔗 Drew Keep moving.

41:13🔗 Adam Trust that instinct.

41:14🔗 Drew Yeah, when you're in 20 or so, it's hard to leave, but trust your instincts. I agree.

41:18🔗 Adam All right. All right.

41:19🔗 Drew These things aren't supposed to last a long time.

41:22🔗 Adam Here's the thing, everyone, we're just playing the odds here.

41:25🔗 Drew Yeah. That's right.

41:26🔗 Adam I don't, I know.

41:27🔗 Drew And the way she feels, she feels like...

41:29🔗 Adam Yeah.

41:30🔗 Drew It doesn't feel like somebody is ready to just have a... Right? She feels sort of...

41:36🔗 Adam Zoe?

41:38🔗 Caller Hello?

41:38🔗 Adam You're 20?

41:39🔗 Caller Yes, I'm 20.

41:41🔗 Adam Have you heard of the car race, Le Mans?

41:44🔗 Caller No, I haven't.

41:46🔗 Caller Wow.

41:47🔗 Adam All right. Chris is breathing a sigh of relief. What's going on?

41:52🔗 Caller Um, so...

41:54🔗 Caller Just one second.

41:58🔗 Caller Hello, can you hear me?

41:59🔗 Adam Yeah.

42:00🔗 Caller What was that?

42:01🔗 Caller So, I...

42:02🔗 Drew If it were Adam doing that, I would have expected like a giant fart when she said that.

42:07🔗 Adam Did she switch phones?

42:08🔗 Drew I don't know.

42:09🔗 Caller No, it's easier to hear you on speakerphone.

42:12🔗 Adam Oh, all right. Sorry.

42:14🔗 Drew No. Speakerphone when you're on radio?

42:17🔗 Adam Why is it easier?

42:19🔗 Drew It certainly isn't easier for the listening public.

42:22🔗 Adam No, it sounds like hell. Let's talk through what Justin's got Germany or Florida for us.

42:26🔗 Drew What is that impulse? I don't know.

42:28🔗 Adam Justin?

42:29🔗 Caller How's it going, guys?

42:30🔗 Adam 25. What's up, brother man?

42:32🔗 Caller What's going on, man? Hey, Adam, I just want to let you know that I ran my first red turn left arrow...

42:37🔗 Adam Oh...

42:37🔗 Caller .out of town the other day. Nice. I've never seen him anywhere around here, and I pulled up to it, and I thought of you immediately, went right through it.

42:45🔗 Adam Thank you. I did two today, actually. One in Fabulous Rape Bank.

42:52🔗 Drew Oh, you'll receive a picture, a photo of yourself doing that.

42:56🔗 Adam You guys know this Burbank, but I know this Rape Bank. I saw a police recruitment poster up in Rape Bank, California too, and I thought to myself, it really should just say what it is. Help us rape our public. Hey, everyone, you can give your dad a jaywalking ticket. Join our chicken-ass force over here. Hands out chicken-ass tickets all day long to people trying to cross the street. Fantabulous. Here's what the Burbank recruiting poster should just go, hey, don't worry about getting shot at. You'll be handing out chicken-ass tickets and drawing a nice salary, by the way. That's what we do here. We hand out chicken-ass tickets here. That's our gig. That's our job. We're Rape Bank and proud of it. Yeah. Would you people just start doing what we tell you to do, by the way? And I have not gone on this jag in at least 20 minutes, but thank God, Justin, if we have just one person can ignore one of those. He is it.

43:54🔗 Drew He is just that one person.

43:55🔗 Adam One of those red arrows and just drive through. Now, everyone, please listen to me. Please drive through those red arrows. I do them every single day. I'm not exaggerating. There's one on the hill that I live at. I go through it every day. There's one at the bottom of the hill. There's ones on the way to work. I drive through them every day. Here's the deal. The arrow is red. The signal is green. If there's no cars coming, turn left.

44:21🔗 Drew Justin, Germany or Florida.

44:23🔗 Adam Same way you would do it 20 minutes ago when the arrow wasn't there.

44:29🔗 Drew Justin, here we go.

44:30🔗 Caller Adam, you can't spread the news enough about that.

44:32🔗 Drew Justin, go.

44:33🔗 Adam Let me say this.

44:34🔗 Drew No!

44:35🔗 Adam Let me say this to you. No! Let me tell you what cops look for. They look for movement. You can drive through those arrows. You're not going to get a ticket unless the guys park behind you. Because if he's in any other vantage point, it's not going to look suspicious. It's going to look like a citizen turned left when it was safe to turn left and the signal was green. If you think about it, think about what cops look for. Think about what catches their eye.

45:02🔗 Drew Well, now they can't prove that it wasn't green because some of them are electronic where they'll turn green when there's no oncoming traffic.

45:08🔗 Adam Well, if he's right behind you, he's going to see it.

45:10🔗 Drew I mean, any other location, you can tell.

45:12🔗 Adam Yes, everyone, just do it. Just turn.

45:15🔗 Drew I don't necessarily advocate what Adam does, which is there's a line of 18 cars. He speeds around them with his tires screeching.

45:22🔗 Adam No, tires aren't screeching. Just a little e-brake action. Look, if you Lemmings, if you sheep want to line up behind the man over there and take a look through history, take a look at all the noble people have lined up and done what the man has told them to do. Think how they're doing right now. Yeah. If you Lemmings want to line up at the light like idiots, fine. I'll just drive around you. There's no traffic coming. Just turn. Just turn like you do at every other intersection. All right, Drew, where are we? We're going to take a break. No, we can do it fast. We got it. Justin.

45:54🔗 Caller All right.

45:55🔗 Adam Go ahead.

45:55🔗 Caller Germany or Florida. A woman was arrested for allegedly forcing her 12 year old daughter into prostitution and then and trading Florida and trading her 14 year old daughter for a car.

46:07🔗 Adam Oh, we had this one. We had this one. Sorry, Justin. We do believe it's Florida, right? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, buddy. And listen, God bless you for turning left through that red arrow. And please everyone, continue the good fight. Drew, I hope you're doing this. No, you don't do it. No, a little bit.

46:24🔗 Drew I don't go around the big lines and stuff.

46:26🔗 Adam No, no, but when you're sitting at a signal and it turns right. Good. Everyone do it, please. You won't get... Listen, Drew, how long have I been yapping about this?

46:33🔗 Drew Quite a while.

46:34🔗 Adam Four years.

46:35🔗 Drew No ticket yet.

46:36🔗 Adam No tickets. I do it every single day. Just look around for cops. They're not around. Just do it. They're not looking for you. I will take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. What number? 1-800-LOVE-191-er. What's happening there, Drew?

47:20🔗 Drew Not much.

47:21🔗 Adam You ready to rock?

47:21🔗 Drew I'm ready to go. Don't you dare drop Trowell, though. I swear to God. I was thinking about that today. You are our man. We'll drop. I've seen him do it.

47:27🔗 Adam You know how close I am to dropping Trowell?

47:29🔗 Drew How close?

47:31🔗 Adam Well, it's Trowell dropping time, I'll tell you that right now. So, I didn't want to tell you.

47:36🔗 Drew I'm shocked. I'm scared. You will drop Trowell.

47:39🔗 Adam Yeah.

47:40🔗 Drew It's great that we're doing this in half speed, too. It loses its effects.

47:43🔗 Caller Yeah.

47:44🔗 Adam We had a quail and we're doing morning radio. I will drop her. Emily.

47:49🔗 Yeah, hi.

47:50🔗 Adam You're 16?

47:51🔗 Caller Yeah, I am.

47:52🔗 Adam What's up, baby girl?

47:54🔗 Caller I had my dad arrested for having child pornography.

47:58🔗 Caller Wow.

47:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:01🔗 Caller So, he's out on bail right now.

48:03🔗 Adam How did you do that? How did that work? Did you find it on his computer?

48:08🔗 Caller My little brothers were looking for blank CDs, and my dad's really anal and he hides everything. So, in our den on the top shelf, they found him.

48:16🔗 Caller They're like, oh, score.

48:18🔗 Caller They put him in like nine disks with at least 500 files.

48:23🔗 Drew And above kid porn?

48:25🔗 Caller Oh yeah, little girls that didn't even have pubic hair yet.

48:28🔗 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

48:29🔗 Caller Oh, I saw girls.

48:30🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. And so then what?

48:34🔗 Caller And then so I called the police the next day.

48:38🔗 Adam Nice.

48:38🔗 Caller And they came and my dad works graveyard. And so he goes to work at like five and makes up at four. And they came and got a warrant for a house.

48:47🔗 Adam All the gas, by the way. Yeah. Then right.

48:51🔗 Caller Pardon me?

48:52🔗 Adam That warrant. And they came in at four.

48:54🔗 Caller Yeah. They came in, they got a warrant and they woke him up while he was sleeping. And it was so white trash.

49:00🔗 Adam By the way, let me just explain something real quick. The woke up while he was sleeping and sort of that were engaged to be married.

49:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

49:07🔗 Adam It's all said in the woke up part.

49:09🔗 Drew And so what was white trashy?

49:12🔗 Caller My little brother, I have five siblings and they got home from school while we had seven cop cars in our driveway.

49:19🔗 Adam Wow.

49:19🔗 Caller Yeah. And yeah, so he's out on bail right now. And I talked to him a little bit, you know, and he knows that I was the one that called. And hold on.

49:28🔗 Adam This just sounds like payback time, by the way.

49:33🔗 Caller You know, in a way, I hate to say it, but it is.

49:36🔗 Drew Oh, I'm glad you can admit that. That's nice.

49:39🔗 Adam So, what did he do to you?

49:43🔗 Caller My dad is emotionally and physically abusive. Like, I haven't been able to cry. Like, I'm not allowed to, you know, and our whole family's thing is image. And, you know, I'm an addict, so I go to meetings, so he resents me for that on top of it.

49:57🔗 Drew What kind of meetings?

49:59🔗 Caller NA meetings.

50:01🔗 Drew NA? At 16?

50:03🔗 Caller Yeah, I actually called you guys and you guys are the ones that help me. Wow.

50:08🔗 Drew So you go to Narcotics Anonymous?

50:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:11🔗 Drew Ooh, 16, that's quite a accomplishment at 16. Good for you.

50:17🔗 Caller Thank you.

50:18🔗 Adam Wow.

50:19🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:19🔗 Drew Because most 16-year-olds can't quite, under 18, your brain is difficult to getting, sort of, difficult to understand recovery under 18.

50:28🔗 Adam I didn't know you had a brain under 18.

50:29🔗 Drew Well, listen, the brain, under 18, most people think of the brain as something like your heart. It's just some organs, like, does something, it's like a refrigerator, it sets your temperature.

50:40🔗 Adam It gives you a boner.

50:42🔗 Drew But you don't usually use it for anything.

50:44🔗 Adam No.

50:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:45🔗 Adam All right, so, hey, oh, by the way, I'm, I'm just going to say, I'm going to New York tomorrow for a couple of days for some upfront Comedy Central thing. Don't worry, I'll be on the air and chipper. Do not worry. But here's the thing, I just realized, you know, you know what determines whether I have a DVD player in my room or not?

51:10🔗 Drew What?

51:11🔗 Adam Whether I pack a porn disc or not. That's what determines.

51:15🔗 Drew You pack the porn, no DVD player.

51:18🔗 Adam Don't pack the porn, maybe three or four DVD players.

51:21🔗 Drew Multidisc.

51:21🔗 Adam Multidisc.

51:23🔗 Drew Where you staying?

51:23🔗 Adam Let's get the six pack, the Riga Royale, I think. I swear to God, what happens is, I will get back this. I travel, I see the DVD player and it mocks me. It's like, oh, I'm just locked up my room all night. I could have brought myself a little DVD action, had at myself, this would have been an enjoyable trip. But instead I'm just stare at this thing and mocks me. It's like, I'm sleeping. Trash lights open and LED lights light up like eyes.

51:50🔗 Drew Well, that sounds like Santa Claus. There you go.

51:57🔗 Adam Yeah, it's really, it's like a Fantasia type scene. That's great. And, engineer Chris, you heard of Fantasia?

52:06🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

52:07🔗 Drew Okay. Who, what company, film company, man?

52:10🔗 Caller Disney.

52:11🔗 Adam Yeah, buddy.

52:12🔗 Caller I saw it.

52:12🔗 Caller All right.

52:13🔗 Adam All right.

52:13🔗 Caller We're cool.

52:14🔗 Adam Last summer.

52:15🔗 Caller Nice classical music.

52:16🔗 Adam Yeah, buddy. There we go. Point is, is tomorrow, I'll pack a disc. So we'll be sure.

52:23🔗 Drew Why don't you have those little, you have a little DVD player?

52:25🔗 Adam Yeah, it's too, it's too involved. You know, I have a problem, but I'm not addicted. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yes.

52:31🔗 Drew If you're actually preparing to use it, that's a problem.

52:34🔗 Adam I'm just telling you, I'm, I'm O for like 28.

52:38🔗 Drew I don't think Re-Rolla has it.

52:40🔗 Adam It's 14 and 14. Yeah. But the DVD will pop up in unexpected places, and it'll always be when you don't have anything to watch.

52:48🔗 Drew All right. So, Memily.

52:49🔗 Adam Yeah, Memily.

52:50🔗 Drew So, where are we now with your dad? How are things going?

52:52🔗 Caller Right now, we're still in between. He hasn't been charged yet. They want...

52:58🔗 Adam That's comfortable.

52:59🔗 Caller Yeah, they want his... Oh, God, my mind is not blank. They need his permission to go and check the blank files on our computer.

53:08🔗 Drew They need his permission?

53:10🔗 Caller Yeah. It's kind of weird if he does give them, you know, if he says go and do it, then they'll go through an independent thing. And if not, if the police department just does it, it could take a few more months. But if they go and if he gives them their permission, then it can get out into the newspapers and he could lose his job. And we can't have that. We can't afford it.

53:31🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, he's working Graveyard.

53:33🔗 Caller So yeah, he makes good money. You know what I mean? And we can't lose his.

53:38🔗 Adam He does. What's he do?

53:40🔗 Caller He works for this company called Milgaard. They manufacture windows.

53:45🔗 Drew Is he?

53:46🔗 Adam Is this actually have to give the company name?

53:48🔗 Drew No, I don't feel like once you blank that out, Anderson. But here's the deal. Is this is the result of this that people are referring to? Is there a therapist in your family's direction?

53:59🔗 Caller Yeah, we go and see a therapist every other weekend.

54:02🔗 Drew All right.

54:03🔗 Adam Why do these nutbars crank out six kids?

54:07🔗 Caller Well, my dad, he had four children and then he remarried and so I have two stepbrothers.

54:14🔗 Adam Okay.

54:15🔗 Drew So where's your mom?

54:15🔗 Adam Only four.

54:16🔗 Caller My mom is a methamphetamine addict that I choose to not speak with.

54:23🔗 Adam All right. All right, Emily.

54:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:24🔗 Adam Let me just say a couple of quick things. Okay. This family is a train wreck and not your basic train wreck like we would have here in the United States, but a bullet train, which we've not yet seemed to be able to perfect in this country. A derail bullet train. Even though they've been in use in Japan and Europe since the 60s. We haven't seen fit to put one in this country yet. But this is a bullet train derailment, your family. It is a car stacking up and plowing in the cars. It is a disaster. You are very smart. That doesn't mean you're not f'ed up. It would be impossible not to be f'ed up coming from where you're coming from. You're getting a head start on everything. I feel sorry for your brothers. I feel sorry for society, actually. And secondly, your brothers. Here's what you've got to realize. You're smart. You have a, you were sort of blessed with intelligence and you will overcome this thing known as your family, this cancer known as your family. Sorry about your dad. Your job, keep your grades up, go far away to college.

55:29🔗 Drew Stay with your sponsor, do your steps.

55:31🔗 Adam Do your steps, do your therapy.

55:33🔗 Drew A lot of praying on this one.

55:34🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, imagine though. I mean like, you notice things you find out about your dad. You see him crying when they lose money or something. You see weird things with your dad every once in a while. I see the big nut sack coming out of the shower or something freaky out. But dad with kiddie porn, like I mean picture.

55:52🔗 Drew Well, and she's a recovering narcotic addict. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

55:54🔗 Adam Picture your dad seeing, finding out that he liked the kiddie porn. I mean, would you just be.

56:00🔗 Drew Think about what that does to her feelings about men. Oh, boy.

56:06🔗 Caller Oh, boy.

56:07🔗 Adam I should build a time machine so I can go back and date her. You know, as I go be 17 and just start dating her and get my ass kicked.

56:15🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

56:16🔗 Caller Oh, oh, yeah.

56:19🔗 Adam Thank God my dad is not in a kiddie porn. Yeah, he's only into the midget stuff.

56:25🔗 Drew Stop.

56:26🔗 Adam Now, you want to know how you know my dad's not in a kiddie porn?

56:29🔗 Drew He's not into anything. Right.

56:31🔗 Adam Kiddie porn? Well, bad.

56:32🔗 Drew It'll be something.

56:32🔗 Adam Still technically something. Yeah. Here's how you can figure out if my dad's into something. The same way you figure out what toys I had when I was a kid. If it takes batteries? Didn't have them. That's how you know. If it's something, dad not into it. That's how you know. Laura?

56:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:52🔗 Adam You're 19?

56:53🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:53🔗 Adam What's up?

56:55🔗 Caller I don't have orgasms.

56:58🔗 Caller Well, like, I come, and I pretty sure it's come because it looks just like it does on the porn, but like it doesn't really feel good.

57:06🔗 Adam Mm-hmm.

57:06🔗 Drew What do you mean you come? What does that mean?

57:08🔗 Caller Well, like, I masturbate, and come, come, come back.

57:12🔗 Adam Fluid comes out.

57:14🔗 Caller Yeah.

57:15🔗 Drew It gushes out or just sort of moves out?

57:18🔗 Caller It gushes out.

57:20🔗 Caller Hmm.

57:22🔗 Adam And, and, yeah.

57:25🔗 Caller And when I was younger, I used to like, I'd masturbate by like humping a sock or like a stuffed animal. And I'd have orgasms then, like it felt really good and it was like climax and then it like, and I'd peek and it wouldn't feel good anymore and I'd just like be over with.

57:39🔗 Adam So pent up, you gotta get out of her shell.

57:41🔗 Caller Yeah. I can't even have those anymore.

57:46🔗 Adam Are you in a tuberculosis ward?

57:48🔗 Caller No.

57:49🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Who's hacking away in the background?

57:54🔗 Caller Oh, that's Alex.

57:56🔗 Drew Oh, Alex. Oh, of course.

57:58🔗 Adam Put him on the phone. I got some unfinished business with the Aster over there.

58:04🔗 Caller Alex, can you?

58:05🔗 Adam Yeah.

58:06🔗 Caller Hey.

58:07🔗 Adam Hey, Alex. You got Ace and Dr. D over here. What's happening, brother?

58:12🔗 Caller Another much.

58:13🔗 Adam How's that phlegm doing?

58:15🔗 Caller Oh, the phlegm is great, man. I just actually got done. I was actually cooking something in some hot steam from the from the stove. Mm hmm.

58:25🔗 Drew Yeah, you know, nice oyster to the eggs there. It's good. And Laura is like, stupid. Yeah, like bewildered about life.

58:33🔗 Adam Drew, I know how you never like to call anyone stupid.

58:35🔗 Drew I don't like that word.

58:36🔗 Adam Let's go out on a limb and just call Laura stupid.

58:39🔗 Drew That's about as close you can get to it, I suspect.

58:42🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, when you say, who's that hacking up in the background and the answer with the name, that's Alex.

58:56🔗 Drew Well, it makes me think about less sort of more mental illness stuff, but anyway.

58:59🔗 Adam Oh, really?

59:00🔗 Drew Well, like she's concrete.

59:02🔗 Adam She's quite articulate. All right, hold on a second. Alex?

59:07🔗 Caller Like what kind of psychotic?

59:09🔗 Adam All right, oh, hold on. We'll put him on home scare. He's gonna curse again. Alex, hand the phone back to Laura. Laura's the girl over there.

59:21🔗 Drew Yeah, when you go to him, it's gonna be something a little blurted out.

59:25🔗 Adam Well, we have to go now. Laura?

59:29🔗 Caller Yes.

59:30🔗 Drew There we go. All right, okay.

59:31🔗 Adam Is Alex your boyfriend?

59:33🔗 Caller No.

59:35🔗 Drew Okay, is he the cook at the halfway house you live at?

59:39🔗 Caller He's an idiot.

59:41🔗 Caller No, he's just a friend. They're just hanging out.

59:43🔗 Drew Okay.

59:44🔗 Adam Okay. You speak very openly about your sexuality in front of him.

59:49🔗 Caller Well, I'm on the phone.

59:50🔗 Caller He said, well, I'm on the phone.

59:52🔗 Drew Wait, wait, Adam, take that down. Hold on a second, Laura, hold on. Take that down, Adam, please. She speaks open about the sexuality in front of Alex.

59:58🔗 Adam You say she was speaking into a PA system or blowing into a conch?

1:00:02🔗 Drew Blowing into a phone. Speaking into a phone.

1:00:05🔗 Adam A phone.

1:00:06🔗 Veal venison.

1:00:07🔗 Drew Oh, yes. That is a good idea. Laura.

1:00:11🔗 Caller I'm on my clip here to try to help it.

1:00:13🔗 Adam Okay, Laura.

1:00:14🔗 Drew That's what everyone recommends for your problem, Laura.

1:00:17🔗 Adam Let me ask you a quick question.

1:00:19🔗 Caller What's that?

1:00:20🔗 Adam Veal and venison.

1:00:23🔗 Caller What?

1:00:23🔗 Adam Veal is what kind of meat? Venison is.

1:00:26🔗 Caller Oh, deer, right?

1:00:28🔗 Adam Deer?

1:00:29🔗 Caller Deer, venison.

1:00:30🔗 Adam Which one?

1:00:30🔗 Drew Venison, deer, good. Where's the Idaho?

1:00:33🔗 Adam Right.

1:00:34🔗 Drew How about veal?

1:00:36🔗 Caller I don't know. Oh wait, baby cat.

1:00:39🔗 Adam Redundant, but okay. All right, that's good.

1:00:42🔗 Drew Baby calf.

1:00:43🔗 Adam I think somebody fettered that. I think Alex, between Huck and the oysters, fettered that one.

1:00:48🔗 Drew What was the other way we used to ask? I can't remember. All right. It was about a fish, wasn't it?

1:00:53🔗 Adam It was. We'll figure that out in a second. All right, so Laura, here's the thing. Are you okay? Other than that, is everything going okay in your life?

1:01:01🔗 Caller Are you on medication?

1:01:02🔗 Well, I'm bipolar.

1:01:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:05🔗 Drew Didn't I tell you this? The medication may be affecting how things are working down there. Okay? You need to talk to your doctor about that.

1:01:11🔗 Okay. Well, I never did have one before.

1:01:13🔗 Caller Well, I guess one I was way younger.

1:01:15🔗 Drew Yeah. You had the thing when you were humping the animals and you would have them again. Just talk to the doctor about your medication. The clip piercing is definitely not what's recommended for what you have. It's a neurological. Your spinal cord doesn't receive the same messages, let's say, when you're on these medications and there are ways to adjust the medicine to make it so you can have a climax. So there you go.

1:01:36🔗 Adam Let me ask you something, Drew, as I, yeah, there's a little nutty there.

1:01:40🔗 Drew A new venison. I just imagined her out in the woods.

1:01:42🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, she's calling from Boise. Yeah, she's probably bow hunting with Ted Nugent. Crossbow. Yeah, where her ancestors used to do it. Let me ask you this, Drew. Riddle me this, please. I was walking through the Ikea today. I went to the Ikea.

1:02:01🔗 Drew Shocking.

1:02:02🔗 Adam Yeah, I need a bunch of junk and I hadn't been there in like five years.

1:02:05🔗 Drew Which one do you go to?

1:02:06🔗 Adam This Burbank one.

1:02:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:02:07🔗 Adam Oh, Rape Bank.

1:02:09🔗 Drew That's why you're in Rape Bank. Got it.

1:02:11🔗 Adam That's how to travel through Rape Bank.

1:02:13🔗 Drew And one doesn't spend much time in Rape Bank when travel's slow.

1:02:16🔗 Adam I didn't get a jaywalking ticket. A guy tried to, but I was in my car. He just ran up and said, can I give you a jaywalking ticket? And I said, well, I'm in my car. Oh, yeah. Yeah. OK. All right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess we'll get people on foot. And then I actually saw the same cop in Ikea trying to give people jaywalking days for walking down the aisle. And I explained to him again, no, no, they have to you have to be outside, have to be on the street.

1:02:37🔗 Drew Then he got angry with you.

1:02:38🔗 Adam He got angry. Yeah, because they figure, look, we can just rape people when they're on the street for walking. Why can't we get them for walking down halls like work and stuff like that? As a matter of fact, the Burbank, why don't you guys do that? Why don't you just go into once you go into commercial establishments and stand there in hallways and give people tickets for walking down the hall when it's unsafe? How about that? Really make some money. I mean, you have a decent idea now. You're doing some minor raping of the public. Decent raping, but how about you get an all out cornhole? Show up at the workplace. Get people for walking. What about folks walking down the street, walking down the driveway, crossing the side street? Why don't you start assigning people, start assigning cops to your citizens and that way you can just follow them around writing tickets.

1:03:19🔗 Drew There's an idea.

1:03:20🔗 Adam Yeah, just assign a meter maid and a patrol car to them and just follow them around writing chicken ass tickets.

1:03:26🔗 Drew You wanted your own cop. This could be the city for you.

1:03:27🔗 Adam Yeah, Burbank. Come on. Let's get going.

1:03:29🔗 Drew Let's take a call. Come on. What happened at IKEA anyway?

1:03:32🔗 Adam I was at IKEA and I was looking at the mini fluorescent light bulbs that save 80% or eight times as long. And I was with my buddy, the Wheeze, and I was looking and I always buy a handful of them wherever I go. And I said, why are these things really catching on? They kind of are, but not really.

1:03:56🔗 Drew They emit a weird light. They emit a funny light.

1:03:58🔗 Adam No, they work really good for outdoors. And they're pretty good for everything except for like a chandelier or something. You're fine with them indoors too.

1:04:07🔗 Drew Maybe you need multiple ones. Where we've got them, it's sort of a funky, dull light.

1:04:11🔗 Adam Well, you should put them everywhere you can put them. And then when it comes to interior, no, I have them in like my bathroom and stuff. You don't want them over your vanity. You don't want them in front of your bathroom mirror. But you can put it at the one that's in the ceiling. Here's my point. I don't know here. All we talk about in this country is do we drill into Alaskan wilderness? What about oil tankers being double-hulled? What about our dependence on foreign oil? How about we're lining the pockets of these OPEC nations and giving these these Robert Barron tyrants more money?

1:04:42🔗 Drew I have not seen a conservation movement since 1976.

1:04:46🔗 Adam How about a public service announcement to say shut the light off after you leave the room?

1:04:49🔗 Drew I haven't seen that yet.

1:04:52🔗 Adam It's all about talking to your kids in some sort of broad stroke sort of way. And then it's reading. It's all about reading to your kids. And then there's a fair amount of nonsense on laptop theft at airports and crap like that. But here's the deal, everyone. If you just did this thing where you said, look, I mean, here's how it works. Here's what happens. Once in a while in a city, in Mesa, there's a drought. They get no rain one year. So they do that whole big campaign that says conserve water. Don't hose down your driveway, shut the spigot off and your whatever. And they save 30%. We got a big problem with energy, oil, and all renewable resources and all kinds of stuff. We haven't really done our homework on it. We didn't lay any groundwork for it. How about we just run a campaign that says, go ahead and shut the light off when you leave the room.

1:05:42🔗 Drew We used to do that.

1:05:42🔗 Adam Or go ahead and take that regular inefficient bulb out and put the fluorescent one in.

1:05:46🔗 Drew We used to have tons of stuff like that.

1:05:49🔗 Adam I know, it's weird. It doesn't, and all the way from the top, you never hear the president mention a word about anyone.

1:05:54🔗 Drew You get this feeling.

1:05:55🔗 Adam It's just like all about, hey, buy another Cadillac Escalade. Never a discussion about, always a discussion about the part where we're running out of resources and gas is this much and we don't have enough and nobody wants to build a new dam and no one wants nuclear power, God forbid, and all this kind of stuff. But never a part where someone goes, why don't you just go get a hybrid car and flip the switch off when you leave the room? And what can we save? Do you know what I'm saying?

1:06:24🔗 Drew Yep, yep, you're right.

1:06:26🔗 Adam All right, I just watched the sprinklers going off by the side of the freeway while it's raining. That's it, never any discussion about, never anything.

1:06:35🔗 Drew Except the water crisis.

1:06:37🔗 Adam Although, I will come in and just saw it the other day and show you the picture of my big, beautiful green toilet that was torn off the wall and the crappy white water saving one was put in its place before I bought my house. Oh, they come in and do that. That they do for you. They don't ask any questions. That, I got to show you a picture, Drew. You will freak out.

1:06:57🔗 Caller Freak out!

1:06:59🔗 Adam Are you ready to ride?

1:07:00🔗 Drew Here we go. Thank God the green one was saved.

1:07:01🔗 Adam Brooklyn. Oh, yeah. You're 20?

1:07:05🔗 Caller Brooke.

1:07:07🔗 Adam Oh, is anyone, is everyone named Brooke named Brooklyn?

1:07:10🔗 Caller No, it's Brooklyn.

1:07:12🔗 Caller Right.

1:07:15🔗 Adam There's a lot of people just named Brooke, right?

1:07:17🔗 Drew I think it's just straight Brooke, yeah.

1:07:18🔗 Adam That's not short for Brooklyn normally, is it?

1:07:20🔗 Caller No, it's just not Brooke.

1:07:21🔗 Drew I'm just guessing. You're not called Brooke ever?

1:07:24🔗 Caller No, no, no.

1:07:25🔗 Drew Okay.

1:07:26🔗 Adam All right. Brooklyn's obnoxious.

1:07:28🔗 Drew Here we go.

1:07:29🔗 Adam All right. Go ahead.

1:07:33🔗 Drew Yeah, she is obnoxious.

1:07:35🔗 Caller I just want to say that, uh, Drew, I love you.

1:07:38🔗 Caller And, um, Adam, you're an idiot. Bye.

1:07:44🔗 Drew That was that one.

1:07:44🔗 Adam Oh, there you go.

1:07:45🔗 Drew Feels good. Haven't had one of those in a long time.

1:07:49🔗 Adam Now, did she say that just because I said Brooklyn's obnoxious?

1:07:52🔗 Drew No, I think because you were picking on me earlier.

1:07:54🔗 Adam I'm picking on you?

1:07:54🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:07:55🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:07:55🔗 Drew She came to rescue me.

1:07:57🔗 Adam It's been almost an hour.

1:07:58🔗 Drew I know.

1:07:59🔗 Adam What the hell is she thinking about?

1:08:00🔗 Drew We're taking a break.

1:08:01🔗 Adam All right. Got herpes for the first time.

1:08:04🔗 Drew That'd be the next call.

1:08:05🔗 Adam That's next call?

1:08:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:07🔗 Adam 34-year-old boyfriend's penis won't fit in her. Kind of like that one too.

1:08:10🔗 Drew Then we do that one.

1:08:11🔗 Adam How to get rid of insecurities caused by abusive ex-boyfriend. That's no fun. Let's talk to the penis that won't fit. All that after this.

1:08:20🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline.

1:08:22🔗 Caller Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:08:25🔗 Caller We'll be right back.

1:08:41🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. Newfound glory in here tomorrow night. Cypress Hill, be real, Cypress Hill, in here on Wednesday night. When the left office speaking about Julie, she's 18, her 34-year-old boyfriend's penis won't fit in her vagina.

1:09:02🔗 Drew Wow, how to make it fit, it says here.

1:09:05🔗 Adam Oh, Julie?

1:09:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:07🔗 Adam You have a, oh, I hate this guy.

1:09:10🔗 Caller You hate him?

1:09:11🔗 Adam Yeah, he's on, he's on top of a 18-year-old chick named Julie.

1:09:16🔗 Drew Hey, I am.

1:09:17🔗 Adam Her most of the age and his penis is too big.

1:09:20🔗 Drew I met with Dr. Rosenthal, the urologist, the penis enlargement guy, and he was telling me that 80% of men fit in the five to seven inch range. Yeah, like 85%.

1:09:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:09:33🔗 Drew No, I'm sorry, I mean, 85%. 10% are too big on the upside and 10% are too small on the downside.

1:09:38🔗 Adam Under five and over seven.

1:09:40🔗 Drew Right, 10% are over seven, 10% under five, and most are within five to seven.

1:09:44🔗 Adam Sounds about right.

1:09:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:46🔗 Adam Julie?

1:09:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:49🔗 Adam Yeah, I would have thought, yeah, I would have thought.

1:09:50🔗 Drew That's about right, yeah.

1:09:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:09:52🔗 Caller He's just really girthy, and it's, I mean, we've tried a lot, and we actually tried for like an hour one time, I mean, it just, it hurts too much.

1:10:01🔗 Caller I'm the big boy.

1:10:04🔗 Adam And yeah.

1:10:05🔗 Caller I don't know, I've had sex a million times, so I don't think there should be any problem.

1:10:08🔗 Adam Mm-hmm.

1:10:09🔗 Drew A million times.

1:10:11🔗 Adam That's nice. Hope your dad's listening. Have you, and you've never had sex with him, though?

1:10:17🔗 Caller Well, I would have.

1:10:19🔗 Adam No, I understand the heart was willing.

1:10:23🔗 Drew Well, the vagina was not.

1:10:24🔗 Adam The vagina was weak.

1:10:26🔗 Caller I don't know. I think maybe, I mean, I don't know what to do. I need your guys' help.

1:10:30🔗 Adam All right. Well, hold on a second. Is this guy just sort of phenomenally girthy or just a little thicker normal?

1:10:39🔗 Caller He's girthy and big.

1:10:41🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:10:42🔗 Caller He's just really big. He has to wear magnum.

1:10:43🔗 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:10:45🔗 Caller I'm a really like, my hips are really like narrow.

1:10:49🔗 Caller Mm.

1:10:51🔗 Drew And there is such a thing of it just don't work.

1:10:55🔗 Adam And you're 18. What are you dating a 34-year-old for?

1:11:00🔗 Caller He's really cool. I don't know. I like him.

1:11:03🔗 Drew Well, that's not an explanation.

1:11:05🔗 Adam Oh, you really like him.

1:11:05🔗 Caller You guys want to hear it.

1:11:07🔗 Adam Yeah. Where'd you meet him?

1:11:10🔗 Caller Havasu.

1:11:11🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

1:11:14🔗 Adam Look at me. So you look good in a bikini, right?

1:11:17🔗 Caller Hell, yeah.

1:11:19🔗 Adam You got any crazy tats or weird piercings?

1:11:23🔗 Caller I have nipple rings. And I have a couple of tattoos.

1:11:26🔗 Caller I have two.

1:11:28🔗 Adam You got the back one?

1:11:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:11:30🔗 Caller Well, I have one on my shoulder.

1:11:32🔗 Caller And then I have one on my, like, hip.

1:11:36🔗 Adam Mm-hmm. And what's going on? What are you doing? Cocktailing? You're waitressing?

1:11:41🔗 Caller You know, I just grabbed a job as a cocktail waitress and, like, three hours after, like, training and stuff, I just quit. I didn't like it at all.

1:11:50🔗 Drew Why?

1:11:51🔗 Caller I don't know. I don't, I didn't like it. I work for Red Bull right now, so I'm stoked on that.

1:11:56🔗 Adam Mm-hmm. What do you do?

1:11:58🔗 Caller What do I do for Red Bull?

1:12:00🔗 Drew Just stay up on the beach and pass out Red Bull.

1:12:02🔗 Adam Yeah. Hand out key chains?

1:12:04🔗 Caller Yeah, key chains.

1:12:05🔗 Caller No, I just hand out Red Bull.

1:12:07🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Sorry for insulting you.

1:12:09🔗 Drew How dare you? All right.

1:12:13🔗 Adam All right. I could work for Red Bull, too, if I just bought a 12-pack and handed out in front of the station, right?

1:12:18🔗 Drew No. Even you. No.

1:12:19🔗 Adam Okay.

1:12:20🔗 Drew Screw that up. She could do that anytime she wanted.

1:12:22🔗 Adam All right. Julie.

1:12:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:24🔗 Adam I don't, I don't know. Are you in love with this guy?

1:12:28🔗 Caller No. I just think he's really cool. He's down to earth and you want to party with him.

1:12:32🔗 Adam What do you do? Give him, give him a BJ?

1:12:34🔗 Caller No, I haven't done anything with him.

1:12:36🔗 Drew But you tried to have sex for an hour.

1:12:38🔗 Adam He tried to fit his penis in you for an hour.

1:12:39🔗 Caller I mean, we did a little. I mean, you know, but I didn't do anything.

1:12:45🔗 Adam What's your, what's your cup size?

1:12:49🔗 Caller I'm really small boobs.

1:12:52🔗 Adam Boobs? One out of one out of every ten people chicks we talk to, you says boobs. It's a weird thing. Yeah, I like it.

1:13:03🔗 Caller I meant to say like.

1:13:05🔗 Adam Yeah, I know. Yeah. So here's the thing. Lubrication would work.

1:13:10🔗 Caller No, we tried that.

1:13:11🔗 Caller It didn't work.

1:13:12🔗 Adam All right. The condom.

1:13:15🔗 Drew Screws things up a little bit.

1:13:16🔗 Adam Screws things up a little bit, but you definitely want to use it because you met the guy in Havasu. And so Havasu means he may have a have a crab. Havasu means has a crab. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to say. If it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit.

1:13:38🔗 Drew Sometimes that happens. Sometimes that's a deal breaker.

1:13:40🔗 Adam I like the idea that I basically was...

1:13:43🔗 Drew By the way, if he leaves this relationship because of that, he'll be forever grateful to you.

1:13:47🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:13:48🔗 Drew This will be that one.

1:13:49🔗 Adam Yeah. I like the idea that I suggested for a moment that she gives him some oral sex. And she was like, I was like speaking to the queen. How dare you?

1:13:57🔗 Drew I don't do things to him.

1:13:59🔗 Adam Yes. Yes. I mean, just because we tried to stuff his penis into me, like putting a two-man sleeping bag into a one-man sack for an hour does not mean I'm that kind of girl.

1:14:13🔗 Drew Isn't this, this is that attitude, that celebrity thing you've talked about?

1:14:17🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Julie. Yeah, she's hot. Julie, when are you going to see him next?

1:14:22🔗 Caller I don't know. Maybe tomorrow.

1:14:24🔗 Adam Oh, maybe tomorrow.

1:14:25🔗 Drew If you call him. If he visits the Queen.

1:14:27🔗 Adam Yeah. Here's the, here, let me explain something, Julie. Yes. I know it sounds, you know, I just, I just sound like grandpa.

1:14:35🔗 Drew Sounds patronizing, but.

1:14:36🔗 Adam And patronizing and everything. But here's, here's the thing, everybody. When, when you're a hot chick or I'll just rephrase that, a, a unfat chick who doesn't have effed up teeth. It's sad, but here's, here's the deal. If you're not fat, your skin is nice and your teeth aren't bent. You can have a good time for quite some time. You can party with guys, they'll buy you drinks. You can do what you want. It jobs as easy as going in, filling out an application and getting a hostess gig or a cocktailing gig. There's always someone, you can find some guy to lease you a Cherokee or something. You can just sort of screw around. You can really just do whatever you want for like 12 years.

1:15:14🔗 Drew Right. If you are prepared for what comes next, it's bad times.

1:15:19🔗 Adam It's sort of like just being a trust fund baby. You don't have to get a job, you don't have to go to school. You turn 18, you got $1.3 million and you have a party. The problem is you run out of money somewhere about 32, 33 and you're aft. And not only are you out of whatever you had before, you're actually being punished now for it. Because you haven't you haven't developed a career and whatever else was personality, career, education, whatever, however you want to do it, connections, what relationships, whatever it is. Plus, it's actually goes a little further than that because somehow the chicks that were hot and starting to come undone, they've partied a little too hard, they smoked a little too much, they drank a little too much.

1:16:03🔗 Drew It affects their soul.

1:16:04🔗 Adam They didn't exactly stay in shape and do all, they weren't drinking a lot of smoothies, they're drinking a lot of Red Bull and vodka. And when they crash, they crash hard. And then not only do you become sort of a, not have any skills or training anything, society wants its pound of flesh. It's a little bit of payback.

1:16:23🔗 Drew I'm not sure it's society.

1:16:25🔗 Adam It's a weird thing. I don't mean necessarily society.

1:16:27🔗 Drew It's almost our biology is that way.

1:16:29🔗 Adam But now it's like, hey, previously a hot chick, the guy barfed in the bathroom, why don't you clean that up? Get to it. It's a weird, humbling kind of little payback. Hey, I work with guys. I see it. Like guys will go like, some chick will come by and be like, yeah, I bet in her day she had it going on, but not today. And there's a little bit of payback for a lot of the guys who weren't partying with her.

1:16:57🔗 Drew All right. Yeah, you may be right.

1:16:58🔗 Adam They become this sort of symbol for everyone to turn them down or it's sort of, it's humbling.

1:17:04🔗 Drew Yeesh.

1:17:05🔗 Adam People instinctively love that. They love to see somebody who was riding high, not riding so high anymore.

1:17:11🔗 Drew Scapegoating.

1:17:12🔗 Adam All I'm saying is, is that ladies, if you're skinny and your skin's decent and your teeth aren't all bent out of shape, get a little education, get a job.

1:17:22🔗 Drew Well, you know what it goes back to is that we've railed about for some time, which is the delayed gratification. Don't, don't, don't go to town now.

1:17:31🔗 Adam Yes.

1:17:31🔗 Drew Take it easy. Do education and you'll, there'll be a nice long life ahead for you that's good.

1:17:36🔗 Adam It's hard when you're hot not to do that though. And I would have gladly done it if I was hot in a chick or just hot even. I would have gladly done it when I was 19. Alicia? You're 19?

1:17:52🔗 Caller Yes.

1:17:52🔗 Adam What's up?

1:17:54🔗 Caller Okay. I have a question. Okay. I have a boyfriend and we're pretty much already going to be married. We live together. We have a nine month old baby. And well, I mean, we don't call it sex of course. We call it making love.

1:18:14🔗 Caller We do that every day.

1:18:16🔗 Adam Wait till you leave the room. It goes right. Right. When he's talking to his buddies, it goes to porking.

1:18:22🔗 Caller No.

1:18:22🔗 Adam Making love.

1:18:24🔗 Drew Seriously though, she is being serious.

1:18:26🔗 Caller Yeah. He's been, he's pretty serious when it comes to that because.

1:18:29🔗 Drew No, no. Adam's being serious.

1:18:30🔗 Adam I'm being serious. Or, or he says making love to his friends, but he says to his vag bag.

1:18:40🔗 Caller No, he's more like that, though. He's more like that.

1:18:43🔗 Drew If he said that his friends would immediately kick the S out of him.

1:18:46🔗 Caller Yeah, I know. You see, that's the thing.

1:18:49🔗 Adam When me and my lady make love.

1:18:52🔗 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:18:53🔗 Adam If I ever heard one of my friends say make love, when we're talking about pumping their girlfriend, I would, I would, you know, you know what happened to him? You would do that, that, that bad boy's soap in the pillowcase prison beating. One, one guy would grab him, hold him to his cot, and the others would beat the crap out of him.

1:19:08🔗 Drew First, first you'd say, say that again. You'd make him say it again.

1:19:12🔗 Adam Then you'd get the cot beating.

1:19:13🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:19:15🔗 Adam Make love.

1:19:15🔗 Caller But he, like I've said like a couple of times, like, oh well, you know, when we have sex, and he's like, oh, so you have sex with me? I'm like, hey?

1:19:25🔗 Adam All right, thank God you guys are raising a child. Cause you sound like a kid.

1:19:30🔗 Drew All right, here we go. What is the question? Yeah.

1:19:33🔗 Caller We, you know, we're always doing that at least every day. Like sometimes we'll go like every other day, you know? Right.

1:19:39🔗 Adam But at least every day.

1:19:40🔗 Drew Now what's the question?

1:19:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:42🔗 Adam At least every day. It's just, sometimes you'll go every other day.

1:19:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:19:46🔗 Adam True. How often do you work out?

1:19:48🔗 Drew At least every day, except three times a week sometimes, but at least every day otherwise.

1:19:53🔗 Adam Okay.

1:19:54🔗 Drew At least.

1:19:55🔗 Adam At least. Sometimes, sometimes more than once a day, except for sometimes you'll miss a day.

1:20:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:20:02🔗 Adam Exactly. Exactly.

1:20:03🔗 Drew Right.

1:20:04🔗 Adam Okay. All right. So, yeah. Are you using protection now?

1:20:10🔗 Caller Yes.

1:20:11🔗 Drew What are you using for contraception?

1:20:13🔗 Caller Like, we're not having any more kids. That's it. Yeah.

1:20:16🔗 Drew How are you preventing that from happening?

1:20:17🔗 Adam I know you've made that proclamation, but what are you doing to protect?

1:20:20🔗 Caller He's fixed.

1:20:22🔗 Drew Really?

1:20:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:24🔗 Drew He's had a vasectomy?

1:20:26🔗 Caller Yeah. So, sure. I don't want any more kids.

1:20:29🔗 Drew How old is he? How old is he?

1:20:34🔗 Adam How old is he?

1:20:35🔗 Caller How old is he?

1:20:38🔗 Drew And he found somebody to do a vasectomy on him at 23?

1:20:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:43🔗 Adam No, no. Seriously.

1:20:45🔗 Caller He has insurance with Kaiser.

1:20:47🔗 Drew And Kaiser?

1:20:48🔗 Caller They like they paid for it, so.

1:20:50🔗 Drew And you're sure you saw you've seen this car?

1:20:54🔗 Caller Huh?

1:20:55🔗 Adam He had a vasectomy at 22 or 23?

1:20:59🔗 Caller No, they didn't like in the office, like, you know what I mean?

1:21:03🔗 Adam So. Does he hold on? Does he have other kids from other relationships?

1:21:09🔗 Caller No.

1:21:11🔗 Adam He just has.

1:21:11🔗 Drew Especially Kaiser. I wouldn't think we're doing.

1:21:13🔗 Caller He only had sex with one other girl besides me and she was like fat.

1:21:17🔗 Adam She was fat.

1:21:18🔗 Drew Of course. Of course she was. Yeah. She was horrible.

1:21:20🔗 Caller I was like a supermodel compared to her.

1:21:22🔗 Drew She was a horrible person, too, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah.

1:21:27🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

1:21:28🔗 Drew You know, I was talking to plastic surgery.

1:21:29🔗 Adam This is a mother, by the way.

1:21:30🔗 Drew I was talking to a plastic surgeon.

1:21:31🔗 Adam Can you mention your mother? This is your mother.

1:21:33🔗 Drew Talking to a plastic surgeon.

1:21:34🔗 Adam Ontario, by the way. We don't give Ontario enough crap.

1:21:36🔗 Drew Predominant reason that women get plastic surgery is for other women. Predominant.

1:21:43🔗 Adam By the way, the fact that you lose your boyfriend pork to fatty, I don't know what that means. Is that a good sign?

1:21:52🔗 Drew I don't know. Anyway, it would move past.

1:21:54🔗 Adam It would be awesome. Yeah. He was a...

1:21:57🔗 Drew Alright, what's the question? What is your question?

1:22:00🔗 Caller Okay, my question is that, okay, we have sex a lot. And I mean, at least every day.

1:22:05🔗 Drew At least, Adam, you got that? At least every day.

1:22:07🔗 Caller I have like a lot of orgasms. I mean, like I go like all the time. And I mean, he lasts way longer than ten minutes, for sure. And I mean, yeah, it does take time. We're like moving positions. But I mean, we'll go for like as long as we can till there's like, you know, till something happens or someone calls...

1:22:25🔗 Adam Right. Kid comes in the room, whatever. Right.

1:22:28🔗 Caller Yeah, exactly. We go for as long as we can. And then like everything's great. You know, it's just like, he thinks that the reason why I have a lot of orgasms is because of the size of his penis. No, no, I tell him it's because he knows, he knows how to move. Like he knows where my spots are, you know? And he...

1:22:48🔗 Drew No, it's not that either. It's not that either.

1:22:50🔗 Adam Well, it's just, that's you.

1:22:51🔗 Drew That's just you. That's the way you are. Exactly.

1:22:53🔗 Adam He can help and I'm sure he does, but it's, it's, it's you.

1:22:56🔗 Drew Women can either do what you've got or they can't, right? Well, women can either do what you do or they can't. You can't turn somebody into what you've got.

1:23:04🔗 Adam Yes.

1:23:04🔗 Drew You're just sort of wired up that way and you know, you went ahead with it and that's fine.

1:23:08🔗 Adam Yeah. I got to give quick, everyone a quick refresher on this. Everybody wants to attribute everything to everything.

1:23:14🔗 Drew Right.

1:23:14🔗 Adam Cindy Crawford is going to tell you how to be beautiful like her. Alicia is going to tell women how to have a multiple orgasm because they got to get with a guy who knows their spots. No. Look, I'm going to, Michael Jordan is going to tell you how to dunk a basketball. It's just, you just are, you just do. That's it. Hey, guys, guys with full heads of hair, should they explain to bald guys how to keep their hair?

1:23:39🔗 Drew Right. Same idea.

1:23:41🔗 Adam Same idea.

1:23:41🔗 Drew Same idea, yeah.

1:23:42🔗 Adam Oh, buddy, I do something, I use something called shampoo, have you heard? Yeah. Do the exact same thing you do.

1:23:49🔗 Drew Well, it must be something wrong. It must be something you're doing something wrong.

1:23:51🔗 Adam Well, yeah, then you're doing something wrong. Yeah.

1:23:53🔗 Drew And it seems to all the women that multiple orgasms always assume that about their friends who can't.

1:23:57🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:23:57🔗 Drew Well, you just have the right technique, Gage, you haven't figured it out. Look, the second he put the penis in, the orgasms came.

1:24:03🔗 Adam It's a weird, yeah. It's a weird native, like superstition almost.

1:24:07🔗 Drew People, you've been doing the show long enough to realize that people are so primitive, aren't they?

1:24:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:24:12🔗 Drew Can you write down to it?

1:24:13🔗 Adam When I get right down to it, yeah, I think we're pretty primitive. All right.

1:24:20🔗 Drew Yeah, that's one of our callers right there.

1:24:22🔗 Adam Let's go chuck a virgin in a volcano so we can have a good harvest this year.

1:24:26🔗 Drew I was watching thinking about Cortez tonight.

1:24:27🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:24:28🔗 Drew Oh, my God. Every day, they pulled someone's heart out.

1:24:32🔗 Adam Yeah, sure.

1:24:33🔗 Drew Every day to make sure the sun came up.

1:24:36🔗 Adam Well, what do you want to do? Otherwise, you'll freeze. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. True. I'm freaking about that phone number. Let's talk to Melissa. She's been on hold for 115 minutes. She's calling from Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh gets a bad rap. It's a nice town.

1:25:19🔗 Drew Great town.

1:25:20🔗 Adam Melissa.

1:25:20🔗 Caller Hi.

1:25:21🔗 Adam Sorry for the hold, baby doll.

1:25:23🔗 Caller Hi.

1:25:23🔗 Adam Yeah, it's funny because her question is really about low self-esteem. Nothing like being on hold for two hours to lower your self-esteem and coming from Pittsburgh. Melissa, what? You were abusive. You had an ex-boyfriend that was abusive?

1:25:40🔗 Caller Yeah. My first serious relationship was about a year, actually a little bit longer than a year. He was emotionally abusive.

1:25:51🔗 Drew What would he do? Give us an example.

1:25:53🔗 Adam Made fun of her for being from Pittsburgh.

1:25:56🔗 Drew Make her wait on the phone for a while.

1:25:57🔗 Adam And stand on holes for so long.

1:25:58🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, I guess I'm not like petite, but I'm like pretty small body figure and he would say I'm fat or I'm ugly.

1:26:09🔗 Adam Well, let me say this, Drew, every once in a while, we always roll everything back to dad and parents and all that. Once in a while, a chick from a semi-normal environment hooks up with a bad guy when they're pliable. They're like 15 or they're 16, the guy's 17 or 18, the guy's manipulative, and they get under his spell a little and they really f them up for like a year slowly. It's like a slow poisoning.

1:26:35🔗 Drew Because a girl feels like she'll never find another boyfriend or it's such an intense bond because it's her first boyfriend, this kind of thing. But they usually won't end up with a post-traumatic stress disorder from that, unless something else happened or first. They usually get out of it and go, oh my God, what the hell was that all about? What's the matter with me? I learned from that. Let's move on.

1:26:51🔗 Adam How's your dad? Is he cool?

1:26:53🔗 Caller This is actually like not just the self-esteem, it's that I kind of took that with me, like the like abusive things and I tend to do that to people now.

1:27:03🔗 Drew Oh, see, that's a bad sign.

1:27:04🔗 Adam Where's your dad? Is he good?

1:27:06🔗 Caller It's a kind of big thing. Like I'm bipolar and my dad is disabled. He's been since he was 17. And my parents like they're together, but it's like a big kind of style.

1:27:20🔗 Adam What happened to your dad?

1:27:21🔗 Caller He had viral encephalitis when he was 17.

1:27:25🔗 Drew And he's able to have a family?

1:27:27🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, it just infected his mobility.

1:27:30🔗 Adam Does it do your heart?

1:27:31🔗 Drew It's the brain.

1:27:32🔗 Adam Your brain?

1:27:33🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:27:33🔗 Adam Affected his mobility?

1:27:36🔗 Caller He had, he went into a coma in the brain when it, well, it only affected the part of the brain that affects your mobility.

1:27:42🔗 Drew Right, that can happen.

1:27:43🔗 Caller Wow.

1:27:44🔗 Adam And when you say mobility, you mean motor function, your legs?

1:27:46🔗 Caller Yeah, like you can still walk and everything, but it's slow.

1:27:51🔗 Adam Okay, but he got this at 17. Shouldn't he have some training where he could have a job?

1:27:56🔗 Caller Well, at the time that it happened, they really didn't know as much about the muscles and stuff. They were telling them to do the opposite of what he should be doing.

1:28:05🔗 Drew No, but the point is, even though he might have not had musculoskeletal rehabilitation, why didn't he have some vocational rehabilitation?

1:28:11🔗 Caller He did. He, he's been, he gets surgeries like every year.

1:28:15🔗 Drew No, vocational work.

1:28:17🔗 Adam No, get a job.

1:28:18🔗 Caller Oh, he did, he was a, he is a psychologist.

1:28:21🔗 Caller Oh, oh.

1:28:22🔗 Adam All right. Well, so he had a job or he does have a job. Yeah. Okay. All right. So, uh.

1:28:27🔗 Drew You have to take care of him a lot, I bet.

1:28:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:29🔗 Caller Um, no, he was, there's only been a few times he was in a quad accident and apparently he almost died and.

1:28:36🔗 Caller Hold on.

1:28:38🔗 Drew Something.

1:28:39🔗 Adam It was an ATV. It's funny when a guy who's a paraplegic gets in a quad accident.

1:28:46🔗 Drew What the? What the?

1:28:51🔗 Adam Hold on. When you say quad, you mean all-terrain vehicle? Yeah. Okay.

1:28:56🔗 Drew He was disabled, but he drove an ATV?

1:28:59🔗 Caller Yeah, for quite a long time.

1:29:01🔗 Adam Well, let me tell you something. Pittsburgh, they get a hell of a winter over there and that electric wheelchair just ain't going to cut it. It's just going to go out there and go out there and I'm pretty big. You can get some of the knobby tire, put some chains on it, and really go to town. Go up a set of stairs.

1:29:14🔗 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:29:16🔗 Adam Do anything.

1:29:16🔗 Drew Wield up back on him.

1:29:17🔗 Adam Yeah, it's a little tough for carbon monoxide when you're doing it indoors, getting around, but it works.

1:29:22🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:29:23🔗 Adam All right. All right, so Melissa, you have somebody to talk to because you're bipolar and all that stuff?

1:29:31🔗 Caller I do. I mean, counseling.

1:29:33🔗 Drew And here's the deal with the abuse thing. People that get in abuse and people that have trauma histories, which you're sort of moving in that direction, will, if they get themselves, will either be the abuser or the abusee. It's the same role, which you'll either take on the one of being the abuser or you'll be the abuser.

1:29:52🔗 Adam Yeah, usually the chicks get abused and the guys become the abusers.

1:29:56🔗 Drew But they'll find, then they'll go out and go, I gotta find a nice guy, and they'll go abuse him.

1:30:01🔗 Adam All right, let's talk to Erin, who's 22, Erin?

1:30:09🔗 Caller Hi, yeah.

1:30:10🔗 Adam Yeah, what's up?

1:30:11🔗 Caller Nothing much, what's up with you guys?

1:30:13🔗 Adam All right, what's going on? What's your question?

1:30:16🔗 Caller Well, let's see, the first guy that I ever had sex with gave me herpes. And it kind of sucks now because we actually stayed together for a while, but it kind of sucks now because I find myself not being able to really get into relationships because I get scared about telling them, because I can't do that to someone like it was kind of done to me. I don't want to be involved in kind of ruining someone else's.

1:30:45🔗 Adam All right, here's the thing, Erin, it's one of those things, and there's many things in life this way, I'm getting a little philosophical now. It's like people are very nervous about having kids or telling somebody to have herpes or having to go for a certain procedure or something, but then you realize almost everyone in America has gone through it or dealt with it or whatever, not necessarily with herpes, but let's say childbirth. There's not a woman that's not nervous about it, but yet it's happened billions and billions of times. Millions and millions of people have herpes, they start new relationships. There's an uncomfortable conversation that has been had by people before you and God willing people after you.

1:31:25🔗 Drew It's not as though there's a huge population of people that can never have relationships because there's lots of people that have herpes. So what you got to do is find some date a little bit longer. In a way this is helping you. It's helping you date a little longer before you have sex with somebody. It's a way of making sure that person is really wanting to be with you because they'll take that risk and wear the condom and reduce the risk and obviously maybe take some antiviral medication like Zilverax or Fambeer.

1:31:48🔗 Adam I was with a chick who told me she had herpes after we were done. She was hot though so I was like...

1:31:55🔗 Drew She didn't care.

1:31:56🔗 Adam Yeah. I didn't really have any thought about it.

1:31:59🔗 Drew Yeah but you have a pulse.

1:32:01🔗 Adam Yeah I don't have any self-esteem. I was like, I'm still thankful you F'ed me.

1:32:05🔗 Drew This hot person.

1:32:06🔗 Adam Does this mean we can't F again? Yeah it was like... I remember it was like I didn't even register. It was like, I guess some people would freak out.

1:32:13🔗 Drew Well also I think most people know they're taking certain amount of risk when they do this with people they don't know that well anyway.

1:32:20🔗 Adam And they were okay. All right, see ya.

1:32:23🔗 Drew But I mean, let's take a break. No, no, no.

1:32:26🔗 Adam Steve? Yeah, Steve.

1:32:30🔗 Drew Come on.

1:32:31🔗 Adam All right Steve, hang on. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Well, that's the show. God bless you for doing it tonight.

1:33:11🔗 Drew Didn't drop trials. Pretty good. I'm relieved.

1:33:13🔗 Adam This close. Newfound glory in here tomorrow night. And then Be Real from Cypress Hill in here on Wednesday. We'll take a little extendo break. And until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:27🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:33:31🔗 Adam The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:33:39🔗 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:33:42🔗 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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