Sunday, March 27, 2005

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13🔗 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17🔗 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20🔗 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. Nay, the best of Loveline.

1:24🔗 Our favorite Loveline.

1:25🔗 Adam It's better than Loveline. You know why, Drew?

1:27🔗 Because we ain't here.

1:28🔗 Adam No, because it's the best of Loveline.

1:30🔗 Drew Yes, of course, the best. That's what I meant.

1:33🔗 Adam No, we do thousands of shows before we get one like tonight.

1:36🔗 Drew Of course.

1:36🔗 Adam And you guys either didn't hear it the first time around or were too stoned and too drunk to remember it.

1:41🔗 Drew And we carefully edited together all the best moments.

1:44🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:45🔗 Drew Just the pearls only.

1:47🔗 Adam Yeah, I'll give you an example of something that wouldn't make the show. Watch, I'll give a beat of silence. Anderson would have taken that right out. That's what the best of is all about. So who's on tonight, Drew?

2:00🔗 Drew Jennifer Schaft.

2:01🔗 Adam That's right. She is the bachelorette.

2:03🔗 Drew Papa Roach.

2:04🔗 He is...

2:06🔗 Adam Oh, no, that's a band. That's right.

2:08🔗 Drew Ty Pennington.

2:09🔗 Adam My arch nemesis. Patton Oswald and Brian Poseyne, two very short and very tall and very funny comedians. Maroon 5. Jenny McCarthy.

2:18🔗 Drew Whoa, whoa, hold on.

2:19🔗 Adam Oh, that's tomorrow night. Yeah, I'm getting ahead of myself. We have 26 guests tonight. Anderson, you're mazel tov. All right, so let's get started with the bachelorette, Jennifer Sheft. Yeah, it's Loveline. That's what I'm saying. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Yeah, Jennifer Sheft here tonight. She is the bachelorette. And are there, now, let's see, if guys did this, for the most part, or when guys do this, I imagine they just sort of keep the most attractive women, provided they're not just crazy psycho bitches, you know what I mean? They just go from least attractive to most attractive, and that's who makes the cut. But I imagine as a woman, there are some guys you cut that may have physically been more attractive than some of the other guys.

3:14🔗 That is very true. Because somebody could be really great looking, but then you talk to them for a minute and you just can't even carry on a conversation. So yeah, I definitely agree that, but I think the three men that I have remaining are very good looking. Mm, mm, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially Mr. X.

3:32🔗 Drew Well, Mr. X transcends appearance.

3:35🔗 Adam That's right, he's a deity. Mr. X is like, the reason, yeah, you know, I explained to you that the reason I spend so much time with the sea, sea turtle and with my three legged horse is because I feel sometimes like everyone wants something from me. You know what I mean? Everyone's pulling me, but they're pulling me in so many different directions. You know, my dad, he wants me to come, he wants me to work at the firm because, you know, I do have a law degree. I will let that go.

4:08🔗 I do, and I'm a doctor.

4:13🔗 Adam I'm a physician. I'm a cardiologist. I'm 40. Yeah, I'm a cardiologist. I'm a successful, renowned, but I walked away. I walked away.

4:23🔗 You can't be bought.

4:24🔗 Adam You don't need it. So my dad wants me to go to the firm, but that's my whole thing. I'm not a, you know, I'm not a tie guy. I'm not a button down world. I like wearing a collar, but I like rolling up my sleeves. That gets you going. That's intriguing. I want to work with my hands. At the end of the day, I got to look in the mirror. You know what I'm saying?

4:45🔗 Drew Then think of all you could show her about home improvement.

4:48🔗 Adam Oh my God. Yes.

4:49🔗 Oh, yes.

4:50🔗 Drew She's into that. I know.

4:51🔗 Adam Are you into home improvement?

4:52🔗 I am.

4:53🔗 Adam Oh, really?

4:54🔗 I'll tell you. Yes.

4:55🔗 Drew You're in, dude.

4:56🔗 Adam Oh, boy.

4:58🔗 You're inching your way up.

5:00🔗 Adam Shirts off, tool bags on, muscles glistening in the sun. You're wakened every morning by the noise of a hammer. Just what is that? What's he up to now? He's up on the roof. Yeah, don't talk. And I could even do it from the roof. You know, I could shush you from like 30 feet. You're like, what are you doing?

5:20🔗 Shush.

5:23🔗 Shush.

5:24🔗 Adam You're like, huh?

5:27🔗 Don't talk.

5:29🔗 Adam And you're like, what?

5:30🔗 And I'm like, shut up.

5:34🔗 Adam And I'm up on the roof. Here's it. It alternates. Every morning, here's it. You're woken one morning by the sound of a hammer striking a nail. Next morning, it's the smell of Canadian bacon coming from the kitchen. Oh, something I whipped up. Yeah, that's what Mr. X does.

5:53🔗 Caller That's great.

5:54🔗 Drew Got the gas again? I love that.

5:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

5:56🔗 Caller I love that.

5:59🔗 Sarah?

6:00🔗 Yeah?

6:01🔗 Adam You're 19?

6:03🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

6:04🔗 Adam But I don't eat meat myself.

6:06🔗 Caller Because of the animals.

6:07🔗 Adam Yeah, because of the because of Barney, the turtle. Jericho, my three legged horse.

6:17🔗 Caller Now I know his name. What's the turtle's name?

6:20🔗 Adam Barney.

6:20🔗 Caller Barney. OK.

6:21🔗 Adam Jericho is the horse. And I haven't told anybody. Nobody knows that. Don't talk.

6:27🔗 Caller Be quiet.

6:28🔗 Adam Don't even say be quiet. No talk. Sarah.

6:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

6:33🔗 Adam You're 19.

6:34🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

6:35🔗 Adam What's up?

6:37🔗 Caller Um, well, I'm dating a guy who's a little bit older than me. And. We've only been dating for like seven months now, and I really am in love with him and he's in love with me and whatever.

6:52🔗 All that good stuff.

6:54🔗 Caller And I want to have sex with him. And he is not a virgin, but I am. And he doesn't want to have sex with me yet because. I'm not really sure why, because, well. Basically, someday in the future, distant future, mind you, he wants to marry me and he'd like me to be a virgin when he marries me. But I don't really want that.

7:18🔗 Adam Is he a religious guy?

7:20🔗 Caller No, no, not not at all. No, actually.

7:23🔗 Adam Hold on, hold on, we got to talk about him behind your back. Listen, when you're religious and you have these kinds of beliefs, that just means you're sort of quasi-retarded and sort of stupid and believe in the fairy tale stuff and that's fine. But at least you have an excuse. When you're this kind of guy minus the religion, now it's creepy. Now you're just controlling, it's a Bengali type. It's weird, right?

7:46🔗 Drew Well, it makes me wonder if he's really that into her. Sometimes when a guy is not willing to sort of step up to take the Virginia, sometimes it means, I don't want to be that guy. I'm not really into her. I don't want to take that responsibility. I don't want her to get too attached to me. But then he gives the BS on the other side of that Mr. X. He gives you this business about, oh, well, I want to wait till you get married. That's just cool if in fact he's not that into her.

8:12🔗 Adam Mmm-hmm. Sarah?

8:18🔗 Caller Yeah?

8:19🔗 Adam Do you think he may possibly just be using this as an excuse not to create that bond with you?

8:28🔗 Caller No, I don't think that.

8:29🔗 Adam You don't? He's truly in love.

8:32🔗 I believe so, yes.

8:34🔗 Adam What have you guys done physically?

8:37🔗 Caller Um, basically everything but sex. But the thing is that, like, he feels really, really horrible because I can give him an orgasm and he can't give me one because I've never had one.

8:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

8:52🔗 Caller And I don't enjoy masturbating and I don't enjoy oral sex, getting oral sex.

8:57🔗 Adam Oh, you don't? Do you have a sister? Yeah.

9:03🔗 Caller And so, and he wants to give me oral sex because he wants me to be satisfied, but I don't really enjoy it. And so.

9:12🔗 Adam Well, wait a minute. Is it you don't enjoy it because you're uncomfortable or you don't enjoy it because, you know, it's like it tickles or you're sensitive or something?

9:19🔗 Caller Right. I think it mostly has to do with uncomfortable.

9:24🔗 Drew Like it's too intimate, you know, you can't relax?

9:27🔗 Caller Yeah, kind of.

9:29🔗 Caller But then how can you have sex with him if you can't, you know, that's intimate as well.

9:35🔗 Caller I mean, yeah, but there's just something about oral sex that just really bothers me somehow.

9:45🔗 Adam All right. Something's something's going on. And by the way, my velvet Zoro mask, that's the only thing it comes off for oral sex.

9:53🔗 Yeah.

9:53🔗 Adam When you see the velvet, when you see me reached on tie, that's it. The X to C train is leaving the station.

9:59🔗 Yeah.

10:00🔗 Adam Yeah. Good to know. Yeah. It is. No, it is. No, it is. Sarah, anything we need to know about something weird, somebody do something to you out of control, molestation, any, any of that stuff?

10:16🔗 Caller Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't really remember most of my childhood, but I do remember when I was like, five or six, my older brother and sister showed me a lesbian porno and they had me take pornographic pictures of them. But I was most positive that I was never touched or never sexually abused physically.

10:36🔗 Drew That needn't be. I mean, that's an uptrade. That's strange.

10:41🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, it also speaks of the family that you're living in the same room with.

10:47🔗 Caller Well, that's actually my first stepfather. So he's him and his family is out of the picture now. That was just for a short period of time. One of my moms was married to him.

10:57🔗 Adam This is creepy stepdad and stepkids?

11:01🔗 Caller Yeah, kind of.

11:02🔗 Adam All right. That's kind of weird.

11:04🔗 Caller They're gone now.

11:05🔗 Adam I know they're gone now, but it's like saying the fire that burned 80% of my body is out now.

11:11🔗 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

11:12🔗 Adam You still got scars all over you though.

11:14🔗 Drew Absolutely.

11:16🔗 Adam I don't know what else went on, but it seems like there's something going on with you, Sarah.

11:22🔗 Drew All right.

11:23🔗 Adam So here's the thing. We believe you when you say this guy loves you. You got some intimacy issues. You guys are nowhere near ready to get married. I think you guys, if you're 19 and he's, I don't know, how old is he?

11:40🔗 Caller He's 20.

11:41🔗 Adam How old, goofball?

11:43🔗 Caller 22.

11:45🔗 Adam All right. You can't say 20s in his 20s. Yeah, I know. Thank you for that 10-year span, you retard. All right, just to grow up and talk to him, would you? In his 20s, how dare you? Everyone wonders why I hate them. Yeah, the mask, just for the oral. And then it's right back on. And you never get a look at me. Because your eyes roll the back of your head. Back arch, you're staring at the headboard inverted, even though you're on your back. It's like, yeah, all the way back like that. And then immediately, once you regain your composure, and that's been for a little while. It's back on. It's back on.

12:26🔗 Drew How about when you're receiving Mr. X?

12:28🔗 Adam I leave it on for receiving, and that's where I really shine. True.

12:33🔗 Tell her.

12:34🔗 Drew Tell her. He's world class receiving oral sex like no one else. There's no one that receives Mr. X.

12:43🔗 Adam A lot of guys brag about what they can do to a lady. What about what I'll let a lady do to me? You know what I'm saying?

12:50🔗 Drew Oh yes. Oh yes.

12:51🔗 Caller That takes a certain change. And we know it is one lucky woman.

12:53🔗 Adam Yeah.

12:54🔗 Caller Or a number of women, right?

12:55🔗 Adam Could be. Could be. Into the teens. He'll never let you know. You never know. But you'll feel like you're the first and the only. I'll tell you that right now. But seriously, a lot of guys brag like, oh boy, I'll rock your world. I'll do things for you. You never forget about that. My thing is like, I will let you do things to me that you've never done to a man. And nobody receives like I do. Nobody.

13:20🔗 Caller And that's part of the mystery.

13:21🔗 Well, just give her a glimpse.

13:23🔗 Adam It's just shot like might be super taste. Yeah.

13:28🔗 Oh, my God.

13:29🔗 Caller You got me.

13:30🔗 Adam Yeah. Every once in a while I'll do a, oh yeah.

13:34🔗 Drew Now think of Jericho. Jen, think of Jericho.

13:39🔗 Adam Think of my horse with three legs.

13:41🔗 Caller Barney.

13:42🔗 Adam Barney still got a little that dirty weight crude on him. Yeah.

13:48🔗 Caller This is what will come off.

13:49🔗 Adam Wow. No. And I think that's sort of that's sort of life. You know what I mean? It's like it's like those memories I'm running from. No, no amount of turpentine could ever scrub those memories away.

14:00🔗 Caller No way.

14:01🔗 Adam Wow.

14:02🔗 Drew Like Barney's shell.

14:03🔗 Adam Like Barney's shell. Still going to have a little little faint oil residue on there.

14:07🔗 Caller You're kind of like a turtle with the hard shell.

14:10🔗 Adam Hard exterior. Gooey, soft inside. Nougatty inside.

14:14🔗 Drew And no amount of turpentine will clean it up.

14:16🔗 Adam That's right. Wow. Yeah. It's deep.

14:18🔗 Drew Powerful.

14:20🔗 Caller Yeah?

14:21🔗 Adam You're 19?

14:23🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

14:24🔗 Adam What's up, baby doll? Sorry for keeping on hold for 98 minutes.

14:28🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, you're just lucky that my phone turns off at like 7 o'clock at night.

14:34🔗 Adam Oh, really? You got, what do you got? Cell phone?

14:36🔗 Caller Unlimited nights at like 7.

14:38🔗 Adam Oh, all right. What's your question?

14:41🔗 Caller Okay. Well, my boyfriend was doing math during the last part, well, not the last part, but he was doing math and the sex is awesome. And he went to rehab and when he got out, we hooked up again and he just wasn't as hard and he didn't go as long. And is that just because of the jog? And if so, is there anything else that he can take?

15:06🔗 Drew Is he on any medication now?

15:09🔗 Caller Maybe something like bipolar disorder, but not really.

15:13🔗 Drew Well, that's, those are very powerful medicines.

15:16🔗 Adam I mean, it's pretty obvious.

15:17🔗 Drew Yeah, those are very powerful medicines and when people come off methamphetamine, they can be depressed. He's bipolar, he's on bipolar meds, that can affect erectile function and the libido. So he needs to get things stabilized. He needs to talk to his doctor about the medication.

15:29🔗 Adam Your concern is touching though, by the way.

15:31🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, your priorities are in all the right places.

15:34🔗 Adam It's refreshing. You know, Drew, Jennifer, just when you look at this world and you say, what are young people thinking? What are we leaving this to? What are they going to inherit? And then someone like Jen calls in and says, my boyfriend's is dork is limp because he's off the trucker's speed and it really snaps it back into focus. And you really, really realize there's a lot of good. There's a lot of good out there. There's a lot of good people out there.

16:03🔗 Caller You know, we're like Mr. X.

16:05🔗 Adam We only hear from the troubled ones, but then someone like Jen calls up. It's like, yeah, he ain't giving to me right because he's sat fresh out of rehab.

16:14🔗 Drew Jenny, you doing speed two or something?

16:16🔗 What was that?

16:17🔗 Drew Are you doing drugs too?

16:19🔗 No, I was done as soon as he was done.

16:22🔗 Caller I was like, oh, no way.

16:24🔗 Drew Well, you know the speed damages brain, right?

16:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

16:28🔗 Drew Yeah, it causes brain damage, it causes destruction of mood center, memory problems. It's a very dangerous drug. Let's support his recovery, okay?

16:37🔗 Caller Okay.

16:38🔗 Adam All right there, sweetie. All right. It doesn't seem like you're in this for the long haul.

16:44🔗 Caller Oh, I, he was in rehab for like eight months. He just now got out and I'm still planning a trip to go visit him.

16:51🔗 Drew Okay.

16:51🔗 Caller Like I love him regardless, you know, but you know, is there anything to help out?

16:57🔗 Drew Well, yes, you can go to Al-Anon.

16:59🔗 Adam Yeah, all right.

17:00🔗 Drew You can just, you will help him by going to a co-dependency recovery program.

17:05🔗 Adam All right, I don't think she's gonna do that. Jen, he lives in a different state. Where is he?

17:10🔗 Caller Um, he is in California now.

17:14🔗 Adam And you're in Colorado?

17:17🔗 Caller For now.

17:18🔗 Adam For now. And are you planning on moving to California?

17:22🔗 Caller Uh, yeah, actually.

17:24🔗 Adam Please? Really? Can't he just come out to Colorado? I got one more idiot who doesn't know it's legal to turn right on a red when the intersection is clear. I got one more of you idiots out here I got to sit behind?

17:37🔗 Caller Yup.

17:38🔗 Adam Alright, please promise me. Here's the thing. Anybody coming to California, especially Los Angeles, would you please promise me you'll shake your ass when you get behind the goddamn wheel of your car? I'm so tired of you guys dragging your asses all over this goddamn town.

17:53🔗 Caller Look, look, it's a Bill Cosby star on the walk.

17:57🔗 Go, go.

17:58🔗 Caller I'm going to work.

18:00🔗 Adam I live here. I hate it. All day long, there's people like, oh yeah, I'm supposed to turn left here. I'm in the right lane. I'm just going to wedge myself halfway across the intersection, come to stop. And all you invisible people, you can just wait because I screwed up. I was supposed to turn left here and I thought I was going right. But since I can't circle around the block because I f'ed up, you guys can all wait because I'm the head A-hole from the town I'm from. You see? This is the kind of, and by the way, this isn't, you know what Los Angeles is treated like? I just realized. It's treated like a bathroom in an airport, which is, this ain't my city. This ain't my bathroom. I'm going to take a dump. I ain't going to flush the toilet. I could take a whiz in the sink and then I'm on a plane and I'm out of here. LA and it's all Los Angeles is. You know it around the Super Bowl. It's like, oh, everyone's a Pats fan. Oh, man, big Pats fan, big Pittsburgh fan, big Philly fan. Everyone's a big fan of everywhere, except for the place they live. And all they want to talk about is the town they're from. And if they were in their beloved town, they would never think about throwing that burger wrapper on the ground or driving like that or doing anything. But this isn't their town. But the problem is they've been here for 14 years and they're never going to leave. But it's not there.

19:20🔗 Caller And then you have to worry about it.

19:21🔗 Adam Oh, oh, please people, could we drive in this town? Could we move? I drive, I work in Hollywood. I gotta go vine, I gotta go vine every day. And it's like the signal's changing. There's two idiots and they're both going 28 miles an hour. And I'm like, let's go, let's go. By the way, you two know each other that you can just drive right next to each other. And is it, what about this? What, you're going back to Chicago, right? Good, there's a town. That's it.

19:53🔗 Caller Good town. Yeah.

19:54🔗 Adam Go there, people drive, people honk a horn when you don't move.

19:57🔗 Caller Absolutely.

19:58🔗 Adam Nobody honks in this city. Nobody drives. And when is the last time you drove next to a car with nothing but hundreds of yards of open real estate in front of you and you're just puttering along next to it? Like, what do you guys think? You're driving the pace car at the Indy 500? Get the hell out of the way. What is that thing where you have to leave the 200 foot buffer zone between you and the rear bumper, the car in front of you during rush hour traffic?

20:27🔗 Caller I have no idea. I would be very upset by that too. You would. I would. I would hate that.

20:32🔗 Adam People in LA, horrible people, right?

20:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

20:34🔗 Adam Horrible drivers. Weird, a weird mixed grab bag of f'd up ethnicities who can't drive mixed with the head a-holes from the rest of the country. So, so here's what we get. All right. Here's what we have. We have the top 5% of a-holes from the rest of the country and sometimes the world. We have the whacked out ethnicities that were actually riding like llamas and mules and things. Only moments. Like the people that came here took a donkey to the airport. You understand? And then flew here. But their last thing they're on were like a donkey or an emu or something. They don't even know what the hell to do with a car. Now, they're uninsured and they're freaked out and they don't have papers. So they don't want to get pulled over anything. And they're just completely out of it. I mean, have you seen more space cases than LA? Just people that were just gone, just out of it. They have no idea when you're behind them. You get on the freeway.

21:33🔗 Caller I have to admit that I probably am really one of those awful drivers in LA though.

21:36🔗 Adam Get out.

21:37🔗 Caller I can't. I don't know where I'm going.

21:39🔗 Adam Shh. Don't talk.

21:40🔗 Drew Shh.

21:42🔗 Adam Yeah. You know, that's what it is too.

21:43🔗 Caller Yeah. So I have to, I'm one of those people that you hate.

21:46🔗 Adam Nobody knows.

21:47🔗 Drew But I think you're probably aware of what somebody's driving behind you and what somebody's driving behind you.

21:51🔗 Caller And I don't stay, I don't drive directly next to someone and...

21:55🔗 Adam About you're on the freeway and it's at night and you're going 46 miles an hour in the left lane. And you got some guy with the Xenon headlights who's four feet behind you and it doesn't register. Now, now I'm going to go 46 in the fast lane. You would move over, right?

22:11🔗 Caller Yes. I wouldn't be driving 46 though. That's right.

22:14🔗 Adam You would be moving, right?

22:15🔗 Caller I would be moving. Okay. Yes, I'm not that.

22:17🔗 Adam All right. How about we reestablish that fast lane? How about we get that going?

22:22🔗 Caller I'm into that.

22:23🔗 Adam How about we get the town moving? How about that?

22:26🔗 Caller How do we do that?

22:28🔗 Adam I want to know how we... Oh, I got plans. You're not going to be able to hear it because you have to leave.

22:31🔗 Caller I have to go.

22:32🔗 Adam But you can get in your car.

22:33🔗 Caller I'll get in my car and turn on the radio.

22:35🔗 Adam Turn on the radio and you can drive. People in this town, they drive like those robot vacuum cleaners. They just keep going. They bump into something and then they change direction. So you can try to find your way back to the hotel and you can hear my answer about this.

22:51🔗 Drew You're fascinated by those robots lately, Adam.

22:53🔗 Adam I really am. I really want to get one of those.

22:56🔗 Drew You don't have one?

22:57🔗 Adam No, I don't have one because I know they don't work.

23:00🔗 Caller Oh, they do work.

23:01🔗 Adam They don't. Do you have one of those?

23:04🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, they're not great, but they'll keep things clean.

23:07🔗 Adam Here's my feeling with that robot vacuum cleaner. It starts off okay, everything's going good, and then I come home one night, it's on top of my wife. Oh, you know what I mean?

23:17🔗 Drew That does happen, yeah.

23:19🔗 Adam Yeah, artificial intelligence, it's taken over. Know what I mean? Yeah? Yeah. Okay.

23:25🔗 Caller Sure.

23:27🔗 Adam All right. You know the key to those things not taking over? I've seen enough movies with the robot kind of things, get over. When you build them, you can't make them look like they have a face at all. You can't put the two red lights, so it looks like their eyes when they light up, and it looks like they're staring at you. Yeah, don't do it that way. That's the mistake people make when these things get smart and try to get you as they end up looking like a face. They have the red things for the eyes. Yeah, you don't want to do that. Make it look like a turtle. That's what you should do.

24:00🔗 Caller Yes, and that's a great idea.

24:02🔗 Adam Yeah, Barney and...

24:04🔗 Caller Jericho.

24:05🔗 Jericho. That's right.

24:08🔗 Adam I know the horse's name, it's just hard to talk about. That's all. He has one, he's missing a leg. But you know what? When I get him shooed, I get full price, full price. I wouldn't have thought of that. It's only got three shoes. I'm sorry.

24:27🔗 Caller You should get at least a 25% discount.

24:30🔗 Adam That's what I'm saying. But you know what? It's not about money. Not with Jericho.

24:33🔗 Caller No, you can't be bought either.

24:35🔗 Adam I can't. He can't either. That's right. All right, Jennifer, God bless you. You stayed an extra break.

24:41🔗 Take a quick break.

24:42🔗 Adam Be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Let's keep on keeping on with a little band known as Papa Roach. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. We're back in business.

25:20🔗 Caller Look out!

25:22🔗 Adam I gotta tell you this, I'm gonna make you this promise, listeners, I'm gonna say this right now, okay?

25:26🔗 Right now, okay?

25:28🔗 Adam It was funny how when cops pull you over, they do that too much talking thing where they go, okay, what do I need you to do for me right now? Okay, son, just go ahead and reach your wallet right now, okay? Go ahead and give me the wallet right now, okay? And I'm gonna ask you to do it this time, just go ahead for me and go ahead and step out of the car right now, okay? Like, how about just license it?

25:45🔗 I've experienced that.

25:46🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't know what it is. I think they might be sizing you up as they're buying time with the words, or I think it's sort of uncomfortable, like they feel bad, like they're screwing you.

25:56🔗 Well, they know you're in a hurry, so they're just...

25:58🔗 Adam And they're kind of dumb. Stupid guys do that too much talking thing. They don't realize it, but brevity, Drew, what?

26:07🔗 Caller This is what?

26:08🔗 The soul?

26:10🔗 Drew Soul of invention?

26:11🔗 Adam Wit.

26:12🔗 Drew Wit.

26:13🔗 Adam Thank you, Drew.

26:13🔗 Drew I didn't know that.

26:14🔗 Adam Brevity.

26:14🔗 Drew College boy. I can see that's true.

26:15🔗 Adam College boy. You all care right now, so what I'm going to need to do right now is go ahead and talk to Papa Roach, okay, for me right now, okay, then? Soul of wit.

26:23🔗 Drew All right. Who said that?

26:25🔗 Adam I don't know. What? You think you're going to know who said that?

26:27🔗 Drew No, I like it.

26:28🔗 Adam I like it. It's good, right?

26:29🔗 Drew Yeah.

26:29🔗 Adam It means brevity is short, right? Okay. Okay, right now?

26:33🔗 Drew Yeah, right now it is.

26:35🔗 Adam Jacoby and Tobin both here from Papa Roach. We'll hear something off the Getting Away With Murder CD. Now there will be no brevity on these phone calls. I'll tell you that right now. I got to talk. I got to, yeah. I'm all pent up from the first break, which we had some technical difficulties. By the way, engineers Michelle, while burning many calories, ultimately did not, although it had an important role of figuring out everything that wasn't wrong with the board. Drew figured out what was wrong with the board simultaneously with engineer Anderson by simply shutting everything off and turning it back on. Yes, Drew?

27:09🔗 Drew Learned that from my wife.

27:10🔗 Adam All right.

27:12🔗 Drew With the other computers at home. Turn it all off and start over again.

27:15🔗 Adam Fantastic. Why didn't you think of that at the beginning?

27:19🔗 Drew Because you kept yelling at me to stay out of it.

27:20🔗 All right.

27:22🔗 Adam Kelly?

27:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:23🔗 Adam You're 22?

27:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:26🔗 Adam You want to know if it would be healthy to quit masturbating and having sex all together?

27:30🔗 Caller Yeah. Why?

27:31🔗 Adam What are you trying to prove?

27:33🔗 Caller What do you mean? What am I trying to prove?

27:35🔗 Adam Well, what are you doing? What's your plan?

27:37🔗 Caller I just think it leads to addiction as far as like porn addiction and...

27:42🔗 Drew For you.

27:44🔗 Caller What's that?

27:44🔗 Drew It tends to be that way for you.

27:47🔗 Caller I think it's just a natural... If you're going to give something up, I think, at least personally, I say everybody should give it up. So if I don't like it... Well, I'm not trying to force myself.

27:58🔗 Adam Nones fighting in the street.

28:00🔗 I'm fascinated.

28:01🔗 Adam Imagine people, what would be like what the road rage would be like? Everyone should walk around with a sack full of semen.

28:08🔗 Caller Well, let's see, I don't know. That was kind of part of my question is if you would eventually like your sex drive would tone down.

28:15🔗 Drew Yes, it would.

28:16🔗 Adam It would have to.

28:16🔗 Drew It does.

28:17🔗 Adam You would start, you would explode.

28:20🔗 Drew Your testosterone will drop and your libido will drop too. Yes, it tends to raise in response to evocation, in response to stimulation. So what tells about you? What's your plan here? Why are you interested in this? Did you do something the other direction where you got sort of disgusted?

28:36🔗 Caller Well, I just thought about porn and I kind of, I just think it's sort of like proxy prostitution. Like you're paying other people to prostitute girls.

28:48🔗 Drew So you don't like a kind of a world or a society that has that kind of stuff in it that's expensi-

28:52🔗 Caller Right. Like if I'm against prostitution, I think I also have to be against porn.

28:55🔗 Drew So you're a man of intense principles.

28:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:58🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't know. But if you do that sort of breakdown, lowest common denominator thing, then you shouldn't drive your car to the car wash because the guy's down on his knees and he's cleaning your hubcaps. He's only getting eight bucks an hour. But you're enslaving the brown man.

29:13🔗 Drew Doesn't Kelly strike you as someone like the guys that find God in jail? That there's something. Yeah.

29:17🔗 Adam Oh, no. Yeah. Listen, I worked with a bunch of guys like Kelly. It's like they're they're they're born against now because they put a nail file in someone's neck. Right. Six months ago. So now they found Jesus Christ. Right. And it's like I I would I actually had we had more to talk about when you're killing people. Actually, now we can't hang before at least at least I at least now I wish you would kill me ironically with all your Jesus talk, Kelly, are you are you born again?

29:44🔗 Caller No, no, I've never I've never done any drugs or drinking any alcohol or any cigarettes.

29:49🔗 Adam Yeah.

29:50🔗 Caller And I never really had a problem with masturbation.

29:53🔗 Adam It's just sort of a Are you an atheist?

29:55🔗 Caller Yes.

29:56🔗 Adam You're an atheist who won't beat off.

29:58🔗 Drew Do you have girlfriends?

29:59🔗 Caller Yeah, I do have a girlfriend.

30:01🔗 Drew And that's going OK?

30:03🔗 Caller It's kind of OK, I guess.

30:06🔗 Drew What will be what's the problem?

30:09🔗 Caller She just is generally kind of in a bad mood lately. I don't really know why she's depressed. But I don't think it really has much to do with this in particular.

30:20🔗 Adam I couldn't imagine being depressed around Kelly. Let's stop eating. But let's let's let's stop drinking.

30:26🔗 Drew Maybe Kelly is part of a new trend. I'm fascinated. I'm interested.

30:29🔗 Adam I know he's not. Kelly, you're depressed.

30:32🔗 Caller No, no, no, no.

30:33🔗 Adam Do me a favor. Get yourself a Christmas tree first off.

30:36🔗 Drew Do you have a Christmas tree?

30:38🔗 Caller I can't afford a Christmas tree.

30:41🔗 Adam You can't afford not to not be able to afford a Christmas tree.

30:46🔗 Drew They saw a limb off a tree and they leaned it up against the wall.

30:50🔗 Adam That's right. My mom cut a branch off of our half dead tree. It was really we had like a pine tree in the front yard. And my mom cut a branch off it and leaned it against the wall. I would talk more about it. But there's a lawsuit that I have going with my family.

31:08🔗 And I can't really give her a little little little nod for effort.

31:12🔗 Adam No, no, it's nothing. So listen, Kelly, go get a tree. Would you go go down to the Ikea Ikea Ikea? They're like nineteen dollars. And if you bring it back, they'll make it into an armoire. They do everything. But but, you know, decorate it for you. Just go down and get a tree. Would you? That's a bigger that we got to speak to this because the tree, the tree issue. Yes, I have a tree.

31:37🔗 Drew I saw it today.

31:38🔗 Adam Here's the thing, people don't, they really, they do this thing where like, I don't have a good job or I don't make, you need a tree more. Look, I'm literally a millionaire. I don't need a tree.

31:49🔗 Drew Literally.

31:50🔗 Adam I go out, I go out, I look over my my vast land holdings. I look at my beautiful sports cars. I don't need a tree. It's you poor people think you can't afford a tree who need a tree.

32:00🔗 Drew He tells his wife and his assistant to get a tree.

32:03🔗 Adam Go get a tree.

32:04🔗 Drew Get a tree.

32:05🔗 Adam I do this.

32:06🔗 Drew Size of a Christmas tree.

32:07🔗 Caller No, you know what you should do instead of the clap is the snap.

32:11🔗 Adam Yeah, you know, I found that it chapped my fingers.

32:15🔗 Caller Did you do it too much?

32:16🔗 Adam Well, I had my assistant put cream on it and it just it didn't work out.

32:20🔗 But I did a pop pop into the size of a size of a Christmas tree. And that worked.

32:25🔗 Adam No, that's from the Arabian. I didn't want to talk to you about that. Here's my point. Seriously, you can go down to the supermarket for 18, 19 bucks. You get a tree. Yeah, everybody's got. Everyone's got 20 bucks now.

32:37🔗 Drew And there's this cranberry discussion to get into that later.

32:40🔗 Adam But do it this year. Everyone get a tree. I don't know who you guys have. Trees.

32:44🔗 Caller I got a tree at my house.

32:45🔗 Adam It's open tree tree. Yeah. Michelle tree.

32:48🔗 Caller We got trees all around.

32:50🔗 Adam I was got a tree.

32:51🔗 Well, it's a little fake like whatever. Two foot.

32:53🔗 Drew It's good.

32:54🔗 Adam Yeah, but it's a tree. It's a tree. It's a tree. It's trying. Tree. People are putting these fake trees up this year, by the way. Yeah.

33:01🔗 Caller Well, some people got allergies, dude.

33:03🔗 Adam Do you have allergies?

33:04🔗 Caller No, my mother does.

33:05🔗 Adam She has got a fake tree. Really?

33:07🔗 Caller She's got a fake tree.

33:08🔗 Adam She doesn't she doesn't like pine is her. She has no clue. My mom's just look into that. There's something going on.

33:15🔗 Drew Sons of Rockstar.

33:16🔗 Caller Something's up with my family.

33:17🔗 Adam Yeah. What are you trying to say?

33:19🔗 Caller Something's wrong with my mom?

33:19🔗 Adam Yes. Yes. She has an allergy. Let me take this outside. No, no one's allergic to pine, are they, Drew?

33:26🔗 Drew There may be something in the tree. You know, some some mites or something.

33:28🔗 Adam Here's my tree mites. Here's my idea. Don't freak me out, Drew. I got to go home to a house full of tree mites. Couple of things. Everyone get the tree. Make yourself feel better. Number one.

33:39🔗 Caller Number two.

33:40🔗 Adam Here's my plan. I tell you what you guys think of this. Everyone's like 50 percent of the country is going with these realistic-looking fake trees. I realize LA, worst goddamn town for cell phones in the United States. Reception. Yeah. I can't move around without the thing cutting off. Every time you're talking to someone, you're driving over the canyon, you're going through the hills. Boom. Phone cuts off. Now, what if everybody and a lot of people live in the canyons and hills have those expensive imitation trees? What if we made them into cell phone towers and just left them? Yeah.

34:16🔗 Caller Oh, God. Now you're losing it.

34:18🔗 Adam No, I'm getting great reception through the canyon. Now, you're making extra 50 bucks a month because so the kids got a tumor. You know what I'm saying?

34:27🔗 Caller A whole neighborhood's got tumors.

34:30🔗 Adam I think you could do this, Drew.

34:32🔗 Drew Don't you think you could do that?

34:33🔗 Caller Well, you know, you see those, they got those trees with Dr. Schwarzenegger.

34:37🔗 Caller Yeah, I got the trees.

34:38🔗 Caller Arnold, he will put many trees with receptors in them.

34:42🔗 Adam It's kind of like Schwarzenegger meets Vinny Barberino.

34:45🔗 Caller All right. You know, I'm not very good at that.

34:47🔗 Caller No, it wasn't bad.

34:48🔗 Adam No, it was even better. It was two people.

34:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:52🔗 Caller My style.

34:53🔗 Adam Listen, my cell phone tower combination fake Christmas tree idea is a winner. You leave it up all year long, you get a little stipend from the company.

35:04🔗 Caller From outside, inside the house.

35:07🔗 Adam You put it wherever you want. The company pays for it and buys you one.

35:10🔗 Drew They talk about how cell phones are going to replace land phones anyway. This will be a step in that direction.

35:14🔗 Caller Exactly. Christmas tree all year.

35:17🔗 Drew We got the creator of our Germany or Florida song on the line. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. All right, Theo.

35:23🔗 Adam Drew, I think you're jealous of my idea.

35:25🔗 Drew No, I just want to actually talk to people. Theo?

35:27🔗 Caller We lost half the show.

35:29🔗 Adam Well, now we have to talk more.

35:31🔗 Drew Oh, I hate talking to callers. I don't want to talk to any caller.

35:33🔗 Adam You don't want to talk to callers?

35:34🔗 Drew No calls tonight.

35:34🔗 Adam No calls? No calls?

35:36🔗 Drew No, no.

35:36🔗 Adam No calls? You think you run the show? You think you're the boss of me? You don't run the show?

35:40🔗 Drew Whatever you have to do.

35:41🔗 Adam See this finger?

35:42🔗 Drew See this finger?

35:43🔗 Adam I'm taking a phone call.

35:44🔗 Drew What do you think of that?

35:45🔗 Adam Any other requests, Weisenheimer? Theo? How you doing? Thanks for calling the show. Drew didn't want to take calls, but I did, and we do what I want to do. Understand, Mr. Psychology Guy? All right, listen, let's take a break. Let's take a break. Paparocha here. I'm going to get some coffee and we'll be right back after that.

36:05🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

36:08🔗 Loveline will be right back.

36:22🔗 Adam Hey, yo, Loveline.

36:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:27🔗 Adam Get my stool under me.

36:28🔗 Drew I beg your pardon?

36:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:31🔗 Adam No one thought about naming a stool. A stool is, you know, something you sit on, and, you know, it's all very ash related.

36:39🔗 Drew Yeah.

36:39🔗 Adam Yeah, is that how it goes? Any connection?

36:42🔗 Drew No, no, no, no, I don't think so. I don't think so.

36:44🔗 Adam All right. Here we go. 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's talk to Rhiannon, who's very horny. What's happening, Rhiannon?

36:56🔗 Caller I have a severe problem with, like, always wanting to have sex and definitely trying to have sex. And I don't have time to do that. And I have HPD, which makes it kind of inconvenient to be having sex all the time.

37:12🔗 Adam So you got the warts and you're thinking constantly about sex.

37:17🔗 Caller All the time.

37:18🔗 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

37:20🔗 Caller Not anymore. No.

37:22🔗 Drew What happened with that?

37:24🔗 Caller Oh, I met a girl while he was out of town and had a threesome with her and a guy. And I told him about it after the fact, like a week later. They met and they fell in love and left me. That was in like April.

37:39🔗 Adam The girl you had the threesome with?

37:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:42🔗 Drew With the guy, with your boyfriend?

37:44🔗 Caller Yeah, well, I had hooked up with her and a guy while my boyfriend was out of town. And I want to introduce her to my boyfriend and my boyfriend and her fell in love and left me.

37:53🔗 Adam Wow.

37:54🔗 It was very sad.

37:55🔗 Adam You kind of deserve it. Hey, RaeAnn, and you sound nuts.

38:00🔗 Caller Thanks.

38:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

38:02🔗 Caller That's great.

38:03🔗 Adam Well, I talked to a lot of people every night and I always can tell when someone is nuts and you sound nutty.

38:08🔗 Drew Are you bipolar?

38:10🔗 I don't think so.

38:12🔗 Drew Has that ever been discussed with you or?

38:15🔗 Caller I got tested when I was in like 10th grade and they decided that the diagnosis was that I was severely depressed at the time, I think, was the diagnosis.

38:28🔗 Drew And are you an abuse survivor?

38:30🔗 Caller Yes.

38:31🔗 Adam What happened?

38:35🔗 Which time?

38:37🔗 Drew What's the first time?

38:37🔗 Adam What got it started? Well, the very beginning was being named Riannon.

38:41🔗 Drew Yeah, well, that was the abuse. And the spelling, too.

38:44🔗 Adam First below struck.

38:45🔗 Drew Then it spelled it in some kind of weird way.

38:47🔗 Adam Is that like that Fleetwood Mac song?

38:50🔗 Caller It's true.

38:51🔗 Adam It is? I thought that was Riannon.

38:54🔗 No.

38:55🔗 Adam It's Riannon?

38:56🔗 Caller Yes.

38:57🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

38:58🔗 Drew This is where the hippie parents got the name.

39:00🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm sure of it. Well, I brought it up, Jacko.

39:03🔗 Drew Yeah, I know.

39:04🔗 Adam But what I'm saying is, is when you listen to that Fleetwood Mac song, it's Riannon. They don't say Riannon.

39:12🔗 Drew What you're saying, if you look at the back of the album, you can see it written in Riannon.

39:16🔗 Adam Oh, I'm sure it's spelled that way. You don't hear them saying none. Oh, shut up. Brian yelled, they do in my ear. Go, someone go to The Arrow, go get that song. They don't say Riannon. All right. No one knows what I'm talking about. Go ahead. So they say Riannon.

39:34🔗 Drew What was the first abuse situation?

39:36🔗 Caller I was seven and I had a boy who was 12 teaching another boy how to have sex.

39:44🔗 Adam On you?

39:45🔗 Caller Yes.

39:46🔗 Drew Oh, that's good times. That's great.

39:47🔗 Adam Well, then who abused you? The guy who was instructing the class or the guy who was actually?

39:52🔗 Caller Both.

39:53🔗 Adam All right.

39:54🔗 Drew And what was going on at home at that time?

39:58🔗 Adam Smoking weed, listening to Fleetwood Mac.

40:00🔗 Caller At a particular time, it was a New Year's Eve party with, like, like my aunt and uncle had decided to babysit for all the rest of their, like...

40:10🔗 Drew No, I mean, what kind of home situation did you live in?

40:13🔗 Caller What kind of home situation?

40:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:15🔗 Caller Okay. I have my mom and my dad that raised me and my biological father, who I found out I had when I was eight.

40:24🔗 Adam All right.

40:24🔗 Drew All right.

40:25🔗 Adam So anyway...

40:25🔗 Caller That was a whole life story. And then I was off to college, just graduated, excited. All right.

40:30🔗 Adam All right. Listen, Brianne, on. You're smart, you got plenty of IQ, but you got abused and you're spinning a little bit. So how about a little therapy?

40:40🔗 Drew Or some psychiatric care, too. I mean, you may be bipolar. You're definitely an abuse survivor. That's going to affect... You're a sex addict now, it sounds like, or at least sexually compulsed. And sexual addiction, from a definitional standpoint, is about the consequences. It is not a cool thing. It makes you do things, lose relationships, have consequences that are not great. Go see somebody who knows how to treat that. That's what you got to do. You got to do that because this is going to continue to progress, which is another feature of sexual addiction. It gets worse.

41:12🔗 Adam All right. Yeah, but good times.

41:14🔗 Drew Yeah, but good times, huh?

41:15🔗 Adam All right. You're smart. Get a little therapy.

41:18🔗 Drew Yeah.

41:18🔗 Adam Take care of yourself. All right. Well, here's the deal, everybody. Feel free to fix yourself. Go ahead. Fix yourself. I mean, do what it's going to take. You got a car that's not running right? Don't just stare at it. Go take it to somebody who knows more than you do. Get it running and do it for you, by the way. Do all this for you.

41:42🔗 Drew Yes.

41:42🔗 Adam All right, I'm going to give you a speech here.

41:44🔗 Drew Not for the man.

41:45🔗 Adam No, it's not for the man. It's you. Here's the deal. You are look at yourself as some laptop that you travel with. Everywhere you go, that's what you got. That's all you got. That's I don't care if you're in Tokyo. I don't care if you're in Geneva. I don't care if you're on the plane or in the airport. That's all that laptop. That's all. That's all you got. Don't you want to load that with information? Don't you want it not to have a virus? Don't you want it to be as many gigabytes as humanly possible? That's all you got. That's all you got is your brain. And then everything else, by the way, you straighten that part out and that's it. You can have good relationships. You can make money, whatever it is you're into. What's your thing? You want to start a business? What are you into? You into music? Whatever you're into, get your head right, then you get to go do it. I don't know why anyone would fight that. Why is there a stigma in our society against getting your computer? Let's not call it a brain.

42:43🔗 Caller Let's not even call it an emotion.

42:45🔗 Adam People get freaked out when you start talking about emotional well-being and stuff like that. Let's just call it a computer. And let's face it, that's all your brain is. It's essentially a computer and the guys who are a little smarter got a little better computer. That's all. Just like, you know, a lot of folks. I know I got that that Tandy one from Radio Shack.

43:06🔗 Drew You can put the software into the less powerful one to make it work quite nicely.

43:09🔗 Adam It's flesh colored.

43:10🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

43:11🔗 Adam You know that one?

43:11🔗 Drew Nice.

43:12🔗 Adam Wasn't that creepy, by the way? Who decided all our computers had to be like weird flesh color, beiges and stuff like what? I'm just doing this thing or trying to do a spreadsheet. What the hell?

43:21🔗 Drew All right.

43:21🔗 Adam The point is, is yeah, that's all you got. That's your computer. So why wouldn't you get that computer? Why not download what's some?

43:30🔗 Drew Lots of software, some software.

43:31🔗 Adam And all of a sudden, oh man, you can play chess, you can speak foreign languages, you can spell. Why not? Why not just get that this powerful as you can? And then once your computer gets power, then you just go through your life computing and being successful. What's wrong with that? There's a stigma to that. And by the way, all we ever talk about is we look up at everyone who betters themselves, but you gotta be doing pushups or you have to be donating your time to the homeless. You can never, therapy, oh please. What's wrong, Puss-O?

44:02🔗 Drew That's touchy feely.

44:03🔗 Adam Yeah, that's weird. No, no, yes, you better yourself go, you climb the mountain. You always say, Scott, one arm, he's climbed K2, oh my God. Yeah, but by the way, these people are all just basically alcoholics. That's what these people are. These thrill seekers are the people you see on Oprah and all that stuff. They're really just, they're just reckless alcoholics.

44:22🔗 Drew Yeah, they're gratifying that same biology.

44:25🔗 Adam Right.

44:25🔗 Drew The one that got them in the motorcycle in the first place. Motorcycle accident.

44:29🔗 Adam The reason they lost their arm. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. So, get the computer right and then go conquer the world.

44:34🔗 Drew Yeah, you're right.

44:36🔗 Adam Thank you.

44:36🔗 Drew Here's the thing. I'm going to go one step further with this. Is that the process, and this is what people frequently apply, is an interpersonal process.

44:44🔗 Adam Therapy.

44:44🔗 Drew Yeah, it's about what makes us different than a computer. In other words, why isn't a computer an intelligent being? Why doesn't it have a soul? It's that part that gets worked out. It's that part that makes us uniquely human, that gets worked out in therapy, which makes the computer work properly, by the way. It makes the computer useful.

45:05🔗 Yeah. All right.

45:08🔗 Adam Hey, Chris.

45:09🔗 Drew Yeah?

45:09🔗 Adam Yeah, you're over at junior college, so don't think computer. Think chicken playing tic-tac-toe. Like when you picture what's in the brain, what's in the skull of the people you're working with. Picture that chicken at the county fair that beats you at tic-tac-toe. In a form of a crude computer. Yes, yes. But when you're sort of looking at people's thought bubble, don't picture computer. Picture that chicken.

45:33🔗 Caller Got it.

45:34🔗 Adam I don't want him to get pumped up. See what I mean?

45:37🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm not sure he knows what you're talking about.

45:39🔗 Caller All right.

45:40🔗 Adam You ever heard of the chicken that plays tic-tac-toe?

45:42🔗 Caller Sure.

45:43🔗 Drew Yeah, I see.

45:44🔗 Adam Ironically, his chicken right now is going, no, I don't know.

45:49🔗 Drew Never learned that.

45:50🔗 Adam The chicken and Chris's skull scratches the foot once, that's no. No, you haven't heard of me.

45:56🔗 Drew Let's move on.

45:56🔗 Adam All right, let's move on. Let's keep it going.

45:59🔗 Drew Take it down.

46:00🔗 Caller We got to get it on.

46:01🔗 Adam Let's get it on, buddy. All right, Michelle?

46:05🔗 Caller Hello.

46:06🔗 Adam You're 18?

46:07🔗 Caller I am.

46:08🔗 Adam What's up?

46:10🔗 Caller Okay. I recently broke up with, well, not really my boyfriend because he didn't want to be considered my boyfriend, but he was 25 and he was my first.

46:24🔗 Now, I think I'm still very available for him.

46:27🔗 The relationship is pretty much a booty call type deal.

46:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

46:32🔗 Caller He really doesn't talk to me more and I always try to contact him. I'm just wondering why.

46:39🔗 Adam I'm hanging up or putting her on hold, A, because her phone line is banned, B, because this is all we've talked about tonight. Like, forget it. He ain't interested, it's a booty call. Friends with benefits walk away.

46:50🔗 Drew Realize that even though you have all these crazy intense feelings, he has none. Zero. And it's hard to get that through your head when you're feeling the way you feel. He has none.

46:59🔗 Adam All right. Phone screener Brian, if I get another one of these dizzy chicks wanting to know why the unrequited love from the older male who just wants to have sex with me and how come he doesn't share the same feelings I do, I'm going to shove my wallet in my mouth and choke myself. See this, Walter? I'll do it.

47:14🔗 Drew Oh, what is that thing?

47:16🔗 Caller You think my wallet is good?

47:17🔗 Adam It's a shiny wallet. You know why? Yes. All right. Come on, Wiseacre. No more of these scooby calls. I want some big jug calls. All right?

47:26🔗 Drew Look at that thing.

47:26🔗 Adam Look at that, Drew.

47:27🔗 Drew Crazy.

47:28🔗 Adam Yeah. That's black, buddy. All right. Should we take a break?

47:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

47:31🔗 Adam All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. It's a love line. The best of Loveline, that is. Don't Bother Calling. Don't Bother Calling when we come back, either.

48:10🔗 Drew No, no, I do like them calling. All right.

48:12🔗 Adam All right. That's Dr. Drew. I'm Adam Corolla. We keep on keeping on with a guy I like to make fun of because he wears multiple chokers and rarely has a shirt on.

48:23🔗 Drew Master Carpenter. And funniest guy ever.

48:27🔗 Adam Ty Pennington from what name is that show?

48:31🔗 Drew Stream Home Makeover.

48:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

48:33🔗 Drew I like that show.

48:34🔗 Adam Me too. Hey, everybody.

48:39🔗 Caller It's Loveline.

48:40🔗 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Ty Pennington is our guest tonight from Extreme Makeover Home Edition. My favorite new show, ABC, 8 o'clock Sunday night. I believe I have seen all four episodes.

48:54🔗 Drew BattleBots?

48:55🔗 Adam Well, BattleBots is not on the air anymore. Oh. I was a big fan, especially that Zigo and Vladeen Paylor. But my favorite part of BattleBots is when the dizzy hot chicks like Carmen Electra, who they just put out there as eye candy, to interview the guys after the championship rounds would know nothing about it and just stand there. And here's the thing about hot chicks, they don't even try. Like she would just go, you did good against the other robot? Like they wouldn't even bother to know the names of the two that were going at it in the finals. They would just say the other one. No one would say anything. It would just be like, all right. She couldn't have been. By the way, must have needed, like Carmen Electra, after being in that sea of nerds, you know, the sort of gear head nerd guys. She was like one season, must have just went home and taken like a loofah nerd bath. Like, you know, the movies, the rape scene, they're in the bath, they can't get clean.

49:54🔗 Caller Like, oh, I got some nerd on me.

49:57🔗 Caller Where's Dave DeVarro?

50:01🔗 Adam You know what I love? I love that it's like, I don't care. Those guys could have degrees in mechanical and chemical engineering from MIT. It doesn't, they would have, see, repulsed by them.

50:13🔗 Drew Zero.

50:14🔗 Adam Big, fat zero. One tattoo, one goatee from some dude down the street with, dropped out of the fifth grade, pow, in her pants faster than those guys. Just repulsed by them. Like, sort of interviewing them, trying not to, like, like how you, you know, basically how you hug a homeless person, like, hey, buddy.

50:31🔗 Drew This guy is going to be responsible for putting people on Mars. No.

50:34🔗 Caller Yeah, nothing.

50:35🔗 Adam Oh, everything. The GPS system in a Mercedes, that's, they invented that. Now, disgusted by them. Would wear, would wear a gardening glove to get my hand job. Disgusted. Oh, you women, you make me sick.

50:51🔗 Caller All right.

50:51🔗 Adam Ty Pennington here, buddy.

50:53🔗 Caller His shoes, woo.

50:55🔗 Adam What were we talking about? I was going to tell you a story.

50:58🔗 Yeah. OK, so a couple of years back, actually, I bought a warehouse in downtown Atlanta with my brother and these two other guys, and we were renovating it into like, you know, seven apartments.

51:08🔗 Drew Can you speak right into the microphone?

51:10🔗 Oh, yeah. Let me get right up in this.

51:11🔗 Adam Just pull it up in you.

51:12🔗 Yeah. So anyway, years ago, I bought this warehouse in downtown Atlanta, renovated in seven apartments, right? And so basically what happened is I actually macked out an apartment for myself. So I lived there with these other tenants who were running for us. So pretty much I became a landlord, right? Right. But in the middle of the night, we had phone calls, like, dude, come over here. My toilet's all backed up and whatever. You're a landlord? Yeah. So we'd flip coins. My brother lived down the street as well. And I was like, I'm not going to be the only one that has to go for a deal with that. So it's funny, my brother, would actually be the one who ended up always getting the plumbing gigs because he couldn't really do any carpentry, but he was really pretty good with a snake. Yeah, exactly. And actually, that's what it leads me to, the plumbing snake story. This is when I first found out that you should always wear protective eyewear. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So he's got the plumbing snake down there and like, you know, it's just banging back and forth in the old clay sewer pipes and it just comes whippin out and it just is crashing. It destroys the toilet and like just sewage goes flying across his face in the whole nine yards and then anyway, and he's standing there going, you know, this is an expression of help me pretty much throw me a towel and that's when I knew, my God, you know, wear protective eyewear. To this day, I wear protective eyewear every day. Just thinking of the smell. Anyway, that's my story.

52:24🔗 Adam Ty's brother died of hepatitis some months later. That's very sad. Yeah, the snakes, the power ones, they build up a lot of it.

52:31🔗 Yeah, yeah, you know, you gotta get dirty. It's a dirty job, plumbing. It really is.

52:34🔗 Adam It is disgusting, the tampons and God knows what else comes out of there, big hair balls. All right Ty, come on, think of some stumpers for me. We're getting back to the phone.

52:43🔗 Caller Okay.

52:44🔗 Adam I'm gonna need to, I'm gonna need to, I'm gonna need to be stumped before the night is true.

52:48🔗 Caller Stumpy questions.

52:49🔗 Adam Adam?

52:50🔗 Yeah, how's it going?

52:51🔗 Adam You're 19, what's up?

52:52🔗 Caller Yeah, I've been having white dreams lately and I heard it's like we're supposed to have it when you go through puberty.

52:59🔗 Drew That certainly is what it's most common. And for the most part, that's because young males sort of don't know how to keep the lines clean. Speaking of plumbing.

53:08🔗 Adam Yeah. They don't send the snake down their snake and they don't clear the snake. Yeah. I mean, look, it's okay. By the way, let me just say this. Kids crap themselves when they're two.

53:22🔗 Drew Because they don't know how to control it.

53:24🔗 Adam They don't go, hey, before I bed down, I'm going to get up and go to the bathroom and make, and then go back and, no, they just crap themselves.

53:32🔗 Drew Right.

53:32🔗 Adam That's like, that's what the wet dream is.

53:34🔗 Caller Some of us still do it, you know, just, you know.

53:36🔗 Adam That's because you're boozed up, you're coked up, you're passed out.

53:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:41🔗 Adam But what I'm saying is, yeah, no, I'm saying you get up, you go, oh, if I gotta go number two, I go number two before I take a leak before I get in bed, I'm gonna wet the bed. This is the equivalent of that.

53:52🔗 Drew A little bit different is it, cause you're not concerned with not having a wet dream, you're just concerned with getting rid of the flood.

53:58🔗 Caller Yeah, but as you get older, you don't know how to clean the pipes.

54:00🔗 Drew That's right.

54:01🔗 Caller Right.

54:01🔗 Drew And so what's going on with Adam? What's happening? This Adam.

54:04🔗 Caller Oh yeah.

54:05🔗 Drew Adam?

54:06🔗 Caller It's just because my pipes are backed up.

54:08🔗 Drew Well, are you not masturbating?

54:09🔗 Caller I do it regularly, you know, about four times a week.

54:12🔗 Drew And anything else, sort of, are you on medication? Are you starting to take steroids? Is there anything weird like that?

54:19🔗 Caller No, not at all.

54:20🔗 Adam All right. So you're getting, you're still having them at four times a week?

54:24🔗 Caller Oh no, I have wet dreams about probably three times a month.

54:27🔗 Adam Right. But I mean, if you're having it during the weeks, you got the four, you're squeezing four out.

54:32🔗 Caller Is there a recurring girl that's, or whatever, someone that's recurring in the dream constantly? Or is it just a different dream every time?

54:38🔗 It's actually my ex-girlfriend. That makes a difference.

54:41🔗 Drew In the dream? What's so distinctly bogus?

54:45🔗 Adam Yeah, there is something very bogus about this.

54:47🔗 Drew Yeah.

54:47🔗 Adam All right, Adam, either this is bogus or you just have that sort of bad acting thing.

54:53🔗 Drew Yeah. What we'd say is that pick up the pace a little bit.

54:56🔗 Adam Yeah, you know, Keanu Reeves always just sounds like he's acting badly. It's just always, the tone of his voice just sounds like bad acting.

55:03🔗 Drew Yeah, but no one would talk about having wet dreams to their ex-girlfriend on the radio if he, does he have a current girlfriend?

55:11🔗 Caller You know, my mom keeps showing up in mine, guys. I don't know what's going on.

55:13🔗 Adam No way. Yeah, yeah.

55:15🔗 Drew Oh, that's funny.

55:15🔗 Adam She made an appearance in one of mine, too.

55:17🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

55:18🔗 Adam I got her out of there. I said, no, that's disrespectful.

55:21🔗 Caller Oh, no, you haven't met her. She probably did show up there. She's, she's a, yeah.

55:24🔗 Adam I could see her being an attractive woman.

55:27🔗 Caller What happened? No, my mom's a, my mom is a wild human. She's funny, man. She's, well, she's a psychologist, much like yourself. So, but yeah, I'm always afraid I'm going to check her out on HBO's Real Sex. She's into, she's into tantric sex and stuff, so I'm thinking about coming out with a video called.

55:40🔗 Drew Why do you know that?

55:41🔗 Adam Yeah, how do you know that? I don't even know why mom has a vagina.

55:44🔗 Caller Yeah, but no, I'm thinking about coming with my own video called Tantrum Sex, which is when you really let out all your anger.

55:50🔗 Drew Tantrum is a mom, shut up. Stop talking about that crap in front of me.

55:55🔗 Adam Really, she really into it?

55:56🔗 Caller I'm not really sure.

55:57🔗 Adam Good.

55:59🔗 Drew Yeah, don't ever be sure.

56:01🔗 Adam Don't ever be sure.

56:04🔗 Caller Wow.

56:05🔗 Adam Shannon? Yeah. You're 20?

56:09🔗 Caller Huh?

56:10🔗 Adam Yes, you're 20 years of age?

56:11🔗 Caller Yes.

56:12🔗 Adam You have a Germany or Florida for us?

56:14🔗 Caller After my Florida or Germany, can I ask Dr. Drew a quick question?

56:17🔗 Drew Why don't you ask that first?

56:19🔗 Adam It is Germany or Florida, by the way, so the game is played.

56:21🔗 Caller Okay. I don't know if you remember me, but I called about two or three weeks ago about my dad. He, I just found out he has like six months to live.

56:30🔗 Drew Right, I do remember that.

56:31🔗 Adam I do remember that.

56:32🔗 Caller Okay. I was just wondering like a quick question about chemo.

56:36🔗 Drew Yeah.

56:36🔗 Caller Does that like get worse as he has more treatments? Because he's doing like really well right now.

56:41🔗 Drew Does what get worse?

56:43🔗 Caller Like, well, him throwing up and like losing his hair and stuff because I just don't want to get my hopes up and.

56:50🔗 Drew I'm not sure I understand what you're asking.

56:52🔗 Adam Well, just because he's doing well in the chemo doesn't mean.

56:55🔗 Drew What are you asking?

56:56🔗 Adam Getting rid of his cancer, does it?

56:57🔗 Drew No.

56:58🔗 Caller Well, no, I know that, but like he's not been nauseous or really sick or.

57:02🔗 Drew Do you know what the chemo is he's taking?

57:04🔗 Caller No.

57:05🔗 Drew It depends the kind of chemo. Some chemos are well tolerated. Some make people very, very ill.

57:10🔗 Adam And as you know, dad's got one foot in the grave. She's got a Germany or Florida quiz for us.

57:15🔗 Drew God bless her.

57:16🔗 Caller But now that's the spirit.

57:17🔗 Drew If people want to pursue increasingly aggressive chemotherapy is to see if they can get some sort of response. So they're trying to squeeze out extra weeks from from a bad cancer. Yeah, the chemo's tend to be increasingly toxic.

57:30🔗 Caller Okay, because I know the first one, they only give them half a dose, but...

57:34🔗 Drew Have you just found out what kind of cancer it is?

57:37🔗 Caller Well, it's in the esophagus and in the liver and in the stomach, and then there's lymph nodes.

57:45🔗 Drew Still, the esophagus, to save absolutely six months, six weeks even, and they said that that's a bizarre...

57:50🔗 Adam This is six months.

57:52🔗 Drew Six months? Six months, all right.

57:54🔗 Adam Well, anyway. Hey, Shannon? Yeah? I, you know, I don't know, obviously it's a horrible time you're going through, and we'll keep our fingers crossed for your dad and you just be there for him.

58:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:06🔗 Adam All right, now Germany or Florida?

58:08🔗 Caller Okay.

58:08🔗 Drew I'm told tie-out works yet?

58:09🔗 Adam Oh yeah, well, all bizarre stories either emanate from Germany or Florida. All the macabre and the occult, all those crazy crimes, all the guys getting their penis cut off.

58:19🔗 Drew So our callers call with the stories we tell them, was this Germany or Florida? Yeah.

58:22🔗 Caller Germany or Florida?

58:26🔗 Drew I think that was Tori Amos, wasn't it?

58:28🔗 Adam I think it was.

58:28🔗 Drew Yeah. Go ahead, Shannon.

58:30🔗 Caller Okay. A high school student jumped out a window to win a bet with a science teacher. While discussing evolution, the student claimed he would not be injured jumping out the second floor window of the school. The teacher bet him 20 bucks he would be injured. He jumped out the window and he wasn't injured but the student or the teacher got fired.

58:52🔗 Adam Well, the 20 dollars instead of the Deutschmarks.

58:55🔗 Drew Pretty much gives it away.

58:56🔗 Adam Makes me think Florida.

58:57🔗 Drew It makes me kind of hint at Florida anyway.

59:00🔗 Adam Yes.

59:00🔗 Drew Yeah. Unless she's a really diabolical and she's a...

59:03🔗 Adam Then she could just have said 20 dollars when it said 20 Deutschmarks.

59:07🔗 Caller Would that be 40 or 10 Deutschmarks?

59:09🔗 Adam I don't know.

59:10🔗 Drew I don't know but our college are not sophisticated enough to do that.

59:12🔗 We're going Florida.

59:13🔗 Adam Ty, you're here in Florida?

59:14🔗 Caller I guess I'll go Florida, yeah.

59:16🔗 Drew Plus the firing teacher is on us now.

59:18🔗 Adam Florida.

59:19🔗 Caller Yeah. Florida.

59:20🔗 Yeah.

59:21🔗 Adam See, I'm a genius with the dollars. See, I know currency. Ty Pennington here tonight from Extreme Home Makeovers or Extreme Home, the Makeover Edition or the Home Edition Makeover. It's Sunday night. It's ABC. It's really a great show. I've seen all four of them. I've seen everything that goes on in that show.

59:39🔗 Caller Have you cried yet, man?

59:40🔗 Adam No, I've not.

59:41🔗 Caller Do you cry? Do you cry?

59:42🔗 Adam I've not cried. Oh, yeah. If I see Brian's song, I might cry. Also on one episode, a guy dropped an 18-volt Panasonic cordless drill off an A-frame ladder and it just busted. I broke down when I saw it was a keyless chuck, it was a half-inch chuck. The thing had 10-clutch settings on it, it was a two-speeder. I broke down. I broke down at that point.

1:00:05🔗 Caller I can understand that.

1:00:06🔗 Adam All right, Ty, come on, stump me, buddy. What do you got? You got a tool? Stump me with a tool. Oh, okay. Boring bit.

1:00:14🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm just like...

1:00:16🔗 Adam Ty, you got a pen there, write it down, figure it out. Take your time. Think of a tool. Ask me a blade question.

1:00:24🔗 Caller Okay.

1:00:25🔗 Adam All right.

1:00:25🔗 Caller All right.

1:00:26🔗 Caller Here we go.

1:00:28🔗 Caller A blade question. Let's see, if I'm cutting through metal with, let's say, a drill bit, is there something I should put on the metal to make sure that...

1:00:41🔗 Adam Well, it's just some cutting oil.

1:00:43🔗 Caller Cutting oil. That's a great idea. Thanks, man.

1:00:46🔗 Adam Thank you. Let's talk to Annika. Now, come on. Pull out the heavy guns and stump me. What's going on with Annika? Annika?

1:00:55🔗 Hello?

1:00:56🔗 Adam You're 22?

1:00:57🔗 Caller Yes. Hi, Adam. Hi, Drew.

1:00:59🔗 Adam What's happening? Say hi to Ty Pennington.

1:01:01🔗 Caller Hi, Ty.

1:01:02🔗 Caller That's what I was going to say to say hi to.

1:01:04🔗 Caller Oh, right on.

1:01:05🔗 Caller Hi.

1:01:05🔗 Caller Hi. I just called to say that Ty, I love you.

1:01:10🔗 Caller Awesome.

1:01:11🔗 Caller And I've watched your show mostly for you.

1:01:15🔗 Caller Nice.

1:01:16🔗 Caller And also to tell Adam to stop bothering you tonight because I would much rather hear about your sex life than, you know, about tools.

1:01:26🔗 Caller Right. Or the same thing.

1:01:28🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:29🔗 Caller Right.

1:01:29🔗 Drew They go together in Ty's case.

1:01:30🔗 Adam Dare you.

1:01:31🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:33🔗 Caller Do you have any battery-operated tools at home yourself?

1:01:37🔗 Caller As a matter of fact, I do, but I would much prefer you.

1:01:40🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm calling from the Los Angeles. You know, Ty is one of People magazine's most eligible bachelors.

1:01:49🔗 Caller You read about that.

1:01:49🔗 Caller I agree with that.

1:01:51🔗 Adam Right. Yeah. Well, no, it says that right here. Are you still eligible bachelor?

1:01:54🔗 Caller No, I actually wrote that myself. I came up with that whole scenario.

1:01:57🔗 Adam Yeah. I had to do that, too. Get myself on like a 50 best looking, eligible bachelor.

1:02:03🔗 Caller I'll make some calls. We'll hook it up for you, man. We'll get you out there.

1:02:05🔗 Adam Are you a single guy? Do you have a girlfriend?

1:02:09🔗 Caller I'm, as far as you know, yes.

1:02:12🔗 Adam You're single. What does that mean? Like, this chick's name is, is it Annika or Annika?

1:02:17🔗 Caller Yes, Annika.

1:02:18🔗 Adam Annika. She's 22. She's from Los Angeles. Annika's a hot chick name.

1:02:23🔗 Caller Yeah, that's very Euro as well.

1:02:24🔗 Adam Yeah, it's no Gertrude.

1:02:26🔗 Caller Yeah, from Sweden.

1:02:27🔗 Adam Are you?

1:02:28🔗 Caller Yes.

1:02:29🔗 Adam Are you hot? Yes. See, I bet, see, here's what happens.

1:02:33🔗 Caller Ty's in a bad position. What would you answer there?

1:02:36🔗 Adam No, no, because-

1:02:37🔗 Caller I know, what am I supposed to say up there?

1:02:38🔗 Adam No, I'll, ah, big something.

1:02:40🔗 Drew They'll go, yeah, well, I think I'm pretty good looking.

1:02:43🔗 Adam Yeah, listen, if you're a train wreck, there'll be a little hiccup before you say yes. I mean, let's be honest.

1:02:51🔗 Caller Oh, my God.

1:02:52🔗 Adam Ty, I mean, Ty's on top of the world because Ty's not only good looking, but he has a-

1:02:57🔗 Drew A skill.

1:02:58🔗 Adam Alleged knowledge of woodworking.

1:03:00🔗 Drew Well, it's a skill anyway.

1:03:00🔗 Adam And a skill, and women see him coming into homes, whipping the shirt off with the six pack abs, going to work on all the downtrodden people's houses, you know, these making the dreams come true.

1:03:12🔗 Caller I love the action, the six pack abs.

1:03:14🔗 Adam Six pack abs. They're going nuts. Yeah. You understand? That's what the women are just did, pow, right through the panties and onto the sofa. They got to flip the sofa cushions on because Ty, oh, one day he'll take his shirt off and come to my home and remodel me.

1:03:30🔗 Caller You got to flip the sofa cushions. That's good.

1:03:32🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, Ty. Now, but see, now here's what I suspect is happening.

1:03:36🔗 Caller Right.

1:03:36🔗 Adam Ty's on. He's no longer no longer a basic cable man. He's on network now.

1:03:41🔗 Caller Right.

1:03:41🔗 Drew Right.

1:03:41🔗 Caller Right.

1:03:42🔗 Adam Yeah. Much like my ex friend, Jimmy Kimmel.

1:03:45🔗 Drew Your ex friend.

1:03:46🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:03:46🔗 Caller Your ex friend.

1:03:48🔗 Adam Made the switch to network. Forgot about the Ace man.

1:03:50🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. Really interesting.

1:03:52🔗 Caller You said that would never happen.

1:03:53🔗 Adam Same thing Ty did to his old friends over there at TLC. He's too big now. Yeah. He's a network man. He's over there. He's on network. He's got the national exposure. He's not getting the big bucks yet, but those are coming. That's coming season two when they start negotiating because the ratings have been good. Very good ratings.

1:04:10🔗 Caller I'm glad you're following my path, man.

1:04:11🔗 Adam I'm squeezing him like a bar rag. Because here's the thing. He knows he can't go in there and start playing hardball first season. He's on TLC. Guys, you know, not a proven entity.

1:04:23🔗 Drew Commodity.

1:04:23🔗 Adam But now, pow, look out.

1:04:26🔗 Caller When you stay in touch and let me know when I can, buddy.

1:04:28🔗 Drew What he's saying, Ty, is go in there and just highball him.

1:04:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:04:32🔗 Drew And then lose the job and he'll step in and take the job.

1:04:34🔗 Caller That's what he's going for there.

1:04:35🔗 Adam That's what will happen, though. I guarantee. Here's what will happen nine months from now. They'll be negotiating with Ty. I'll get a phone call and they'll say, hey, they're interested in you stepping in and doing that. Now, they're not interested in me telling that.

1:04:47🔗 Drew They're backing out.

1:04:47🔗 Adam They're interested in telling Ty that Adam Corolla's interested in doing it and he'll do it at half of whatever you're asking for. And then eventually, Ty will get the gig. He'll get about three-quarters of the money he's asking for. I'll just be worked in there to put a little heat under Ty. Let's take Ty's gonna come up with a stumper for me before I ask that question. All right. Jerry?

1:05:07🔗 Caller Yes.

1:05:07🔗 Adam You're 27?

1:05:09🔗 Caller Yes, I am, Adam.

1:05:10🔗 Adam You got a drywall question?

1:05:11🔗 Caller Yes, I do. First of all, I think you're a comic genius.

1:05:14🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:05:15🔗 Caller And Drew, I just finished reading Cracked about two weeks ago. I thought it was a great book.

1:05:20🔗 Drew Thank you, Jerry.

1:05:21🔗 Adam How about Ty's tricks? National bestseller, by the way.

1:05:24🔗 Drew Why don't we stay back with Cracked.

1:05:25🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:05:25🔗 Drew Nice.

1:05:26🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:05:27🔗 Drew What did you say about Cracked?

1:05:28🔗 Caller I thought it was a very helpful book and very insightful. I was wondering if I could ask a quick question about that before drywall question. All right, go ahead. You mentioned the 12-step programs. I was wondering, are there any alternatives? Is a structured group therapy environment just as good as a 12-step program?

1:05:45🔗 Drew No. The 12-step has nothing to do with religion. Nothing. The only reason there is even a higher power concept is to get you to let go of needing to control your environment and just having faith that in spite of capitulating and letting go, you can relax, things will be okay. Have faith in the tree, in nature, whatever, whatever your sense of something that you can have faith in that's more powerful than yourself, that's the whole concept, period. If you want to develop something more evolved, you can.

1:06:15🔗 Adam Come on. We got a very important question.

1:06:18🔗 Caller Absolutely. Adam, I bought a fixture upper. I want to know what's the best way to get rid of the popcorn ceiling and also have orange peel texture. It looks like they used orange peel in a can to fix some holes and it's like dripped all down the wall. I want to skip trowel it. Do I have to prep the surface at all? It's got a semi-gloss paint on it.

1:06:35🔗 Adam All right. Well, Ty, you jump in as you want. You want to get rid of the acoustic ceiling, that popcorn ceiling. Sometimes it has traces of asbestos in it. So there's two ways you can do it. You can either wet it down, like real good, with like a warm water and a spray bottle. Use one of those Hudson sprayers, you know, and just really wet it down and then take it off with a broad knife. Or you can just skim over the whole thing with joint compound. Meaning, it's textured, the dips are about an eighth or three sixteenth deep. Just skim coat the whole thing. You don't unlock any of the asbestos particles that way or anything. So you could probably just skim it. You know what I'm saying? You don't need to hang a new lid on there. Just skim it.

1:07:21🔗 Drew Ty says yes.

1:07:22🔗 Caller You can skim it or you could pop that too if you wanted to do another texture like a Venetian whatever. You could do that as well.

1:07:29🔗 Adam All right. There you go. And oh, and the other question was about the walls.

1:07:34🔗 Caller Orange peel.

1:07:34🔗 Adam If you got semi-gloss paint on there and you want to repaint or whatever, here's what you want to take some TSP, trisodium phosphate, and hit it real good. Clean the sheen off it before you repaint it. Then of course prime it first.

1:07:54🔗 Caller All right. Just some kills or something like that.

1:07:56🔗 Adam Yeah. For the primer.

1:07:58🔗 Caller All right.

1:07:58🔗 Caller Open a window, though. Definitely open a window in the kills.

1:08:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:08:01🔗 Adam No, they got the water based stuff. All right. Good times there, buddy. All right.

1:08:06🔗 Caller I painted a stairwell one time in early. Oh my God. All the doors were shut. They came and got me for lunch. I was like, stairwell's done. They're like, I'm out. They had to wait me up, take me to lunch. Nice.

1:08:16🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:17🔗 Adam There's a lot of fumes in the carpentry troughs.

1:08:19🔗 Drew Oh boy.

1:08:20🔗 Adam Yeah. It's a good time. Stretch your brain, lacker.

1:08:22🔗 Drew Maybe that's why Ty can come up with any questions.

1:08:24🔗 Caller Yeah. That's what it is.

1:08:25🔗 Drew Frontal lobe is fucked up.

1:08:26🔗 Caller I've got a good one, but he'll never know.

1:08:28🔗 Drew Go ahead. Go ahead.

1:08:28🔗 Adam It's got lacquer.

1:08:29🔗 Drew Come on. We got one minute.

1:08:30🔗 Adam Come on, Ty.

1:08:31🔗 Caller Okay. How many days did it take to build the Brooklyn Bridge, my friend?

1:08:36🔗 Adam Brooklyn Bridge. It took, let's see, probably about a, I say 1,443 days.

1:08:48🔗 Drew 1,237. Go ahead.

1:08:51🔗 Caller Well, you're both wrong.

1:08:53🔗 Caller I'm shocked.

1:08:55🔗 Adam How many days?

1:08:57🔗 Caller It took exactly somewhere between 1,100 days. And I have no idea. I was hoping you were going to tell me. That's why I asked you the question.

1:09:06🔗 Adam All right. Ty, come on, buddy. Let's go. He's got lacquer brain this kid. So that, you know, he doesn't, you know, I told you when you surf a lot, you get that weird water in your ear, starts to seep into the brain. Starts seeping into the brain. Yeah, he's got saltwater on the brain. Ty Pennington is here tonight. Ty, before the night is true, you come up with a stumper.

1:09:28🔗 Caller Okay.

1:09:28🔗 Adam I'm going in.

1:09:30🔗 Caller I'm going in, guys. I'm going in the vault.

1:09:32🔗 Adam Convene with your staff, whatever it's going to take. Ty is here from Xtreme Makeover Home Edition, my new favorite show. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:09:45🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready.

1:10:00🔗 Adam It is the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, and it's time to push forward with two guys. I'm not quite sure if they're a comedy team, although they do seem to be teamed up quite a bit.

1:10:12🔗 Drew Aren't they?

1:10:13🔗 Adam Well, they're together a lot, but then they do independent things as well.

1:10:17🔗 Drew True.

1:10:18🔗 Adam One of them is tall and funny, and the other one is short and funny. Patton Oswalt and Brian Posehn.

1:10:29🔗 Caller All right, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:10:31🔗 Caller I almost said poop.

1:10:34🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, two hot young comedians currently work in the LA scene in studio.

1:10:38🔗 Caller Making the scene.

1:10:40🔗 Adam Yeah, making the LA scene. Brian Posein's here tonight. Pat Noswalt also here tonight. You know, from King of Queens and Just Shoot Me. And of course, the Cranky Anchors, the fabulous, beloved Cranky Anchors.

1:10:54🔗 Drew And his new CD, which we're going to hear.

1:10:56🔗 Adam Yes.

1:10:56🔗 Drew If we do one more call, then we'll hear him.

1:10:57🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Don't cut me off, Drew. I was doing a Cranky Anchor plug there. God damn it. Tuesday Nights on Comedy Central, new season coming up very soon here in July. All right. Yes. Feeling Kind of Paten is the name of the new CD. We are going to hear a little nugget off of it. And then we have to cut it real fast because he drops like the MF.

1:11:21🔗 Caller I get a little Dick Cheney.

1:11:23🔗 Adam He's got a potty mouth.

1:11:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:11:25🔗 Adam And you know, speaking of Cheney, found out he was doing a little cussing on the Senate floor or whatever last week. If you think that makes me not like him, you're talking the wrong guy. Like he always just like, he told another Senator to blow him. And it's like, yeah. Like, you know, once in a while they do stuff like that. And you think, who's this, this don't, now I didn't like him before. Now I finally got a check on the good side.

1:11:51🔗 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:11:53🔗 Adam That was nice. I'm coming around.

1:11:55🔗 Caller Throwing down the Wu-Tang style. All right, good.

1:11:57🔗 Drew A human after all.

1:11:58🔗 Adam Yeah, that's all you want. Yeah, like, I don't know why, whenever they try to make news out of someone, especially a politician being anything other than a robot and actually having some feeling or emotional or crying or swearing or something, I don't know who that hurts them with, but no one I know. You know what I do, when you find out that the guy shed a tear over something or freaked out, blew up on somebody or in a little bit of rage.

1:12:23🔗 Caller I remember when the Republicans try to make a big deal about how Kerry called a Secret Service guy a douchebag. Really? He called it, he was like, a douchebag, and then they're like, oh, is it? And then people like Kerry even more.

1:12:33🔗 Caller I call people douchebags all the time.

1:12:35🔗 Caller That's a great name. That's one of my favorite names to call people.

1:12:39🔗 Caller I call my friends douchebag. Hey, douchebag, what movie are we going to?

1:12:43🔗 Drew Adam calls them douche nozzles.

1:12:44🔗 Adam I was trying to get the.

1:12:46🔗 Caller You got that douche nozzle. Yeah.

1:12:48🔗 Adam Yeah. Because I love that. Because to me, that's a Baltimore phrase. You focus on the bag, but the nozzles really the business end.

1:12:56🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:56🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:12:57🔗 Caller Yeah. You dump douche nozzle.

1:12:59🔗 Adam Yeah. It's great for behind the wheel. Shake your ass, you douche nozzle. Sounds good. Yeah. And it also works like, Jesus, Frank, you're still framing the house. You got a bunch of these Union douche nozzles, taking a break every 10 minutes. It works that way.

1:13:21🔗 Caller Yeah, it's the best.

1:13:23🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's nice. All right. So let's try to work douche nozzle and douche bag, and let's try to work the entire douche apparatus into our next phone call.

1:13:32🔗 Caller Douche receipt.

1:13:33🔗 Adam But we want to... I don't know if that technically counts. We want to hear a little something from Pat Oswald.

1:13:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:39🔗 Drew After the next call.

1:13:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:40🔗 Adam After the next call? Yeah. Where are they?

1:13:42🔗 Caller All right.

1:13:43🔗 Drew All right.

1:13:45🔗 Adam What's wrong?

1:13:45🔗 Caller What's wrong with laughing now?

1:13:47🔗 Drew Should we laugh now? All right. Now. Chris, what do you think?

1:13:50🔗 Adam You're cool? Anderson, you queued up there?

1:13:53🔗 Drew You ready to jump in at the MF'er?

1:13:55🔗 Adam Yeah. Get ready. Their swearing comes at the end.

1:13:58🔗 Drew Yeah. Great setup here, guys. When does that happen? Exactly. Why wasn't it fixed over there? Chris is going on. Chris has got it. He's got it.

1:14:05🔗 Adam Chris has it. Here we go.

1:14:06🔗 Caller How does Chris have it? He has no edit over there.

1:14:09🔗 Drew He's going to stop it.

1:14:10🔗 Adam He's going to he's going to throw a cup of coffee on the board.

1:14:13🔗 Drew That's right.

1:14:13🔗 Caller Here we go. Here we go.

1:14:15🔗 Adam All right.

1:14:15🔗 Caller Here we go.

1:14:16🔗 Adam Here we go. Laugh it up, everybody.

1:14:18🔗 Caller Here's some facts about midgets. A lot of you probably don't know. I read this in Discover magazine. Don't dispute me. If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. You know that 40 glittering gold coins you can take to the market and buy a fine fat goose for your goodly wife. Also, if you throw a midget into a tub of hot water, he makes sleepy time tea. Oh, isn't that great? A big tub of chamomile. Thanks, Mr. Scoops. And then I start cursing.

1:14:54🔗 Adam Oh, I see.

1:14:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:14:55🔗 Adam Oh, and then you go into the, you say the N word?

1:14:59🔗 Caller Yeah, it's a very racist album. If you don't like black people, you should get this album. Black people, women and cripples, I don't like them. And that's why I put this album out.

1:15:10🔗 Adam I don't dislike black people, but I do consider myself intolerant. So would I like it?

1:15:16🔗 Caller Oh, you'd listen to it on the treadmill.

1:15:19🔗 Adam Wow.

1:15:19🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:15:20🔗 Adam Wow.

1:15:21🔗 Caller It'll get you to your target heart rate, I'll tell you that.

1:15:23🔗 Adam Well, I was really enjoying that. Did you have any other midget facts or trivia by the way?

1:15:28🔗 Caller Yeah, what was the third one? It was, that was something, Brian and I actually were riffing that in the office one day and then I took it for my own because I'm greedy and I only care about myself.

1:15:36🔗 Adam And I was like, I wanted it.

1:15:38🔗 Caller And I said, you know what? But I rushed onto Conan and did that bit.

1:15:41🔗 Adam Yeah, but it wasn't the other one.

1:15:43🔗 Caller The third one.

1:15:44🔗 Adam If you kick a midget in the nuts, he turns into eight squirrels.

1:15:46🔗 Caller Turns into eight squirrels and they run off. But then and then our friend Jerry said, but be careful because if you lose a fight to a midget, you become one.

1:15:54🔗 Adam Wow.

1:15:54🔗 Caller Yeah, it's true. Because at the beginning of time, there was only one midget and everyone's like, come on, dude. And I look around, they're everywhere.

1:16:00🔗 Adam It's a good point.

1:16:01🔗 Caller And I go, just walk away.

1:16:03🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:16:03🔗 Caller Be the bigger man. Literally.

1:16:05🔗 Adam Yeah. How else could there have got more have been gotten here, you know?

1:16:09🔗 Caller I mean, people kept picking fights and midgets can kick your ass.

1:16:12🔗 Adam Well, I've seen their cat.

1:16:14🔗 Caller They are just there. They they can stop bullets. Yeah. You can't drown them. They can live 14 days underwater.

1:16:21🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:16:21🔗 Caller Yeah, they can.

1:16:22🔗 Adam Do they? Do they?

1:16:23🔗 Caller 14 days.

1:16:24🔗 Adam What's the life? Did they live longer?

1:16:27🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

1:16:27🔗 Adam Much, much like in the hundreds of years.

1:16:29🔗 Drew Hundreds and hundreds.

1:16:30🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, there's there's like midgets from The Wizard of Oz that are 600. Yeah. Still walking around.

1:16:35🔗 Adam Just medieval midget. Oh, that's a UPN show.

1:16:38🔗 Caller And they all guard magic shields. If you can get them to tell you where their magic shield is, though.

1:16:43🔗 Adam I know. I was I was thinking about the midget. I was thinking about midget years. Yeah, probably should have stopped at a certain point.

1:16:50🔗 Drew Pat.

1:16:52🔗 Adam That's all right.

1:16:52🔗 Drew We're ripping. That's why I want to take a call.

1:16:54🔗 Adam Well, let me just say this. Let me just say this. I was thinking I was thinking about midget years when we're talking about this. And then I was thinking about dog years. And I was thinking about, you know, well, you were gone, Drew. Schwarzenegger had this idea about taking from six days to like three days. That is the amount of, it's not, by the way, it's not one of the six days. He wanted to take dogs and cats that were in, you know, kennels and put them to sleep earlier. Yeah, not hamster around for six days, put them to sleep in three days. And by the way, sort of like Cheney swearing, it's such a crazily unpopular stance. I sort of liked him for it. Like I thought to myself, wow, that's a horrible unpopular stance. And that took balls. But anyway, I sort of liked him just for taking a crazy stance. And by the way, he's given up on it. I think Betty White put some pressure on him. The very next day, he changed his mind.

1:17:47🔗 Caller Yeah, he caved.

1:17:48🔗 Adam The next day, yeah, because somebody told him, come on, give me a break.

1:17:50🔗 Caller Well, because they reprogrammed him to be a Terminator for good. You know, he protects the dogs and cats.

1:17:55🔗 Adam But here is my argument, and it's the argument I think I would have used if I was Schwarzenegger, which is, listen.

1:18:02🔗 Drew Yeah, but still.

1:18:03🔗 Adam Well, yes, there is, yeah, but still. But I keep that in my hip pocket for the very end of the game.

1:18:07🔗 Drew For the press conference.

1:18:08🔗 Adam Yeah. I would have said, look, it's not, first off, it's not six days. It's like 36 days or 42 days, because dog years are seven years to one year. So that ain't six days. I mean, if you got years, you got days. You know what I mean? It breaks down into dog hours and dog minutes. It's not just dog years. It's not like they got a 24-hour day, they got a seven-day week, but seven years equals one.

1:18:35🔗 Caller But they live in our world.

1:18:36🔗 Adam But they got dog years. They got dog years. Do you understand? They sleep six times in a day. A 12-year-old dog is 85.

1:18:47🔗 Caller You see what I'm saying?

1:18:48🔗 Adam If I'm sure, I'd be like, don't look at it as six days. Look at his 42 days being cut down to like 31 days or something like that. You see what I'm saying? That's the smartest thing that Arnold's ever said. It would have been insane.

1:19:01🔗 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:19:02🔗 Adam It would have been great if he said that though, and he was dead serious about it.

1:19:07🔗 Caller Didn't Hitler put forth Jew years or something along the same lines?

1:19:11🔗 Adam I don't know, but I'll tell you right now. He's probably up there in heaven just looking down at us. Again, he made it on a technicality. We talked about it earlier in the show.

1:19:20🔗 Caller Getting the background from Amelia Earhart right now.

1:19:22🔗 Adam That's right. Brian, not this Brian, but caller Brian.

1:19:28🔗 Caller Hello?

1:19:29🔗 Adam Caller Brian, you're 24.

1:19:31🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm calling because this is a question for Dr. Drew, basically. Yeah. I met a girl online in March, and it's a dude. Hello?

1:19:41🔗 Drew And go ahead.

1:19:42🔗 Caller Yeah, we got together and we got into an hotel and stuff like that. And I kind of I was rubbing around on her kind of like down there, you know, before I actually did the deed. But I put a condom on before we actually had sex, right? But a few days later, I had the burning sensation when I was peeing and stuff like that. And I went to the doctor and it turned out I had chlamydia.

1:20:07🔗 Drew What do you mean you're rubbing around on there? What does that mean?

1:20:09🔗 Caller I was rubbing around down there without the condom on.

1:20:11🔗 Adam It was hanging down there.

1:20:12🔗 Drew No, no, with your penis?

1:20:14🔗 Caller With my penis.

1:20:15🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:20:15🔗 Caller Yeah, before I put the condom on. I didn't put it in. I just kind of rubbed around.

1:20:20🔗 Adam Yeah, no, it's a class move.

1:20:22🔗 Caller It's a classic move.

1:20:24🔗 Adam And it turned out I got chlamydia once in a while.

1:20:26🔗 Caller From that, you know.

1:20:27🔗 Drew Well, if the tip, if the erythra tip touches any secretions, you're in.

1:20:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:32🔗 Drew That's it.

1:20:32🔗 Adam Yeah, that's it. It's a Petri dish. I usually do that when they're sleeping.

1:20:36🔗 Caller Well, I was kind of surprised that I got chlamydia.

1:20:38🔗 Adam That's more of a rummaging, isn't it, Brian? It's not rubbing. And it's not my penis either.

1:20:44🔗 Caller No, but it's more normal.

1:20:46🔗 Caller It's a penis he stole from the morgue.

1:20:49🔗 Adam It's more the raccoon in the dumpster, right?

1:20:53🔗 Drew So Brian, what is the question?

1:20:55🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, the question is, I was kind of surprised that I got chlamydia. And the doctor told me that, well, it was obvious that something got in there. So it's possible that I had HIV also.

1:21:07🔗 Drew Yeah, but that's unlikely. That's hard to find.

1:21:09🔗 Caller I was wondering what the statistics were on men. Cause I know it's harder for males to get HIV.

1:21:15🔗 Adam All right, listen, Brian, you're fine. You're a straight guy.

1:21:19🔗 Drew You're cool.

1:21:19🔗 Caller No, no, no, no, no. But they told me that I could have it, you know?

1:21:23🔗 Drew Yeah, they are. We all could have it.

1:21:26🔗 Adam Did you get a test?

1:21:27🔗 Caller Oh, I haven't had a test yet cause I'm kinda, you know.

1:21:29🔗 Adam Okay. Let me explain something. And this is one way to find out. This is why I don't like all the...

1:21:34🔗 Caller That's a fun two weeks...

1:21:35🔗 Adam .the rhetoric around the HIV stuff. Look, the straight guys rarely get it in the United States. You see all these commercials where it's like, yeah, everyone can get it. Everyone has just as great a chance as getting it as the next guy. It doesn't matter if you're working a glory hole in Africa or just a white insurance adjuster in Omaha. You have the same statistical chance. Yeah, so now all that serves to do is freak the guy out in Omaha. Meanwhile, the guy working the glory hole never hears a goddamn commercial. So we're all walking around freaked out like idiots. You're not going to get it. They just say it's like secondhand smoke. They just make this stuff up. You're fine. You're a straight guy. You're hooked up. You had some nice straight rummaging around with your penis. You're fine.

1:22:19🔗 Drew Here's the deal. Wear a condom or religiously.

1:22:21🔗 Adam And here's the thing, too. Don't bother rubbing your dork all over the vagina and then putting the condom on. This is like wearing a shower cap and putting your head in the toilet before you get in the shower. What are you doing?

1:22:34🔗 Caller The only thing I just took from that is I'm going to Africa. That's right.

1:22:38🔗 Drew With a condom.

1:22:41🔗 Adam You're going to work at Glory Hall.

1:22:43🔗 Drew Get the HIV test.

1:22:43🔗 Caller Man the Glory Hall.

1:22:45🔗 Drew And learn something about the people you're going to bed with, too. Because certainly the way you do put yourself at risk is by sleeping with IV drug users. And who knows who this woman is.

1:22:52🔗 Caller Wait a minute. I can get AIDS by putting my head in a toilet?

1:22:54🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. That's what we say. Without a condom.

1:22:56🔗 Caller You lost me in the middle of it.

1:22:57🔗 Drew Without a shower cap.

1:22:59🔗 Caller Here we go.

1:23:00🔗 Adam Moving along. There's a great billboard in West LA that's got a couple of gay guys on there and it said we didn't come out to smell your second hand smoke and it's like 1-800-no-butts or whatever. First off, the no-butts with the gay billboard. Someone really needs to think this through. They need one straight guy on the panel to raise his hand. Actually, to be laughing like a maniac. By the way, there's a great hand up while laughing posture. Head down, just... You got to get a straight guy on there. Then secondly, listen gays, don't worry about our straight guy second hand smoke. You guys got bigger fish to fry than that, in the name of your parents. You deal with your parents first, then worry about second hand smoke, all right? Worry about hepatitis C, and then worry about your parents, and then worry about second hand smoke, all right? Just focus on that, would you? Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm going to... Oh, yeah. Now, I'm going to call the gay cigarette hotline to rat out my buddy who was smoking on Santa Monica.

1:24:10🔗 Caller Yeah, he's medium height, medium weight guy.

1:24:13🔗 Adam I think he may be straight. Yeah, look for him. He'll smell like cigarettes, smell his hand. Just give him a good beating. Jesus Christ. What's going on in this city? There's nothing?

1:24:23🔗 Caller We got no bigger fish to fry than this?

1:24:25🔗 Adam How about the goddamn graffiti that's everywhere?

1:24:27🔗 Drew What the f***?

1:24:28🔗 Adam How about the traffic? What about the graffiti? How about the particles? By the way, Los Angeles has a airborne particle problem that is second to Calcutta, and that's about it. I mean, we got serious airborne particle things. We're all going to die of lung cancer because of that. Listen, homos, don't worry about the second hand smoke. It's the least of your problems.

1:24:48🔗 Caller Can you even see us right now, Adam? Are we even here right now?

1:24:51🔗 Adam Sorry, I mean...

1:24:52🔗 Caller Are you like on a level of doom that you're just yelling at demons?

1:24:55🔗 Adam I can't take any more talk about a second. Here's what's going on in this. Swear to God, there's what goes on in Los Angeles. There's graffiti everywhere, there's crime everywhere, and there's dust particles the size of frisbees, nine-year-olds are inhaling. And yet we got to have a press conference because we're going to outlaw smoking on the beach. Really, it's just this overcompensation. We have no problems. We have three of the most congested intersections in the world within a five-mile radius, and we're having press conferences out on the beach because guys are lighting up cigarettes in an 80-knot wind out at 100 yards from the shore. Really? This is where our focus is? This is it? What are we doing? Let's get it going. Let's go. Let's break it down. Let's get a hand in. Let's prioritize, people.

1:25:44🔗 Caller Am I right?

1:25:45🔗 Adam And listen, grab a knee. That helmet, not a chair. All right, gentlemen, here's that term loosely. All right, we got to take a break. True, quiet down. I'm fired up. That's all right, ladies. We'll be right back after this. No, stop. I told Drew, I don't know the name of the hotel I'm staying at in New York, so I told him to guess, but there's 70 hotels in Manhattan, and Drew's not struck a chord yet. Yes.

1:26:49🔗 Drew The one I stayed at last week, that- Which one? Meridian.

1:26:52🔗 Adam Meridian. Yeah.

1:26:53🔗 Drew Yeah, nice.

1:26:54🔗 Adam Good hotel, yeah.

1:26:55🔗 Drew Yeah, good location.

1:26:56🔗 Adam Beautiful, buddy.

1:26:57🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:26:58🔗 Adam All right, everybody. So, Loveline. Yeah, I go to New York next week. I'm going to go in and do a stern on Thursday, and called Alec Baldwin because he's doing a play out there.

1:27:13🔗 Drew No, cool.

1:27:14🔗 Adam Yeah. What about this, by the way? Tell me what this is. So, I called his secretary, his assistant, and I said, you want to come out and see Alec's play? And we get a couple of tickets, and they said, yeah, they don't give the cast any tickets.

1:27:28🔗 Drew No house tickets.

1:27:29🔗 Adam Yeah, you got to buy it. And I believe it. I just, what's up?

1:27:34🔗 Drew Is it a real small theater? I mean, maybe pure economics. They have to support the thing. They have to sell all the seats.

1:27:41🔗 Adam I guess so. If you're Alec Baldwin and you're starring in a Broadway play, seems like they cut you a couple of tickets.

1:27:48🔗 Drew You would think.

1:27:49🔗 Adam You would think. You could probably pick up, get on the horn and figure it out. Then it's like, all right, how much? Hey, like 80 bucks. It's like, yeah, I don't even really want to see the play. I just want to go, hey buddy, what's happening? You know what I'm saying?

1:28:03🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:28:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:28:04🔗 Drew I worked with, last time I was out there, worked with a guy who originated one of the roles in Mamma Mia. He said, I'll call us, set you up, no problem.

1:28:10🔗 Adam Oh, really? See, Drew's got some juice.

1:28:12🔗 Drew But you know what I mean? That's a bigger production, bigger theater and they seem to have no problem.

1:28:17🔗 Adam Yeah. This is that nutty and haze in it. It's probably one of the serious like avant-garde things that I'm going to hate. Like, I'm corny, like I go to play, just give me a phantom and just have some big sort of thing with smoke blowing around and big organ music and stuff. I don't need any statements. I don't want to be entertained. I want a spectacle. I just want to see stuff flying around. You know what I mean?

1:28:45🔗 Drew Why don't you go to Cirque du Soleil or something?

1:28:46🔗 Caller Yeah, that's all I want.

1:28:48🔗 Adam I don't like people being smart with words. I got an ass full of that. Joe?

1:28:53🔗 Caller Yes.

1:28:54🔗 Adam Using them words. You're 24?

1:28:56🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:28:58🔗 Adam You got a Germany or Florida?

1:28:59🔗 Caller I do. Here we go. Here you go.

1:29:03🔗 Adam Is it Florida or Germany?

1:29:04🔗 Caller Germany or Florida.

1:29:06🔗 Adam There it is. I'm tired tonight. What's up?

1:29:09🔗 Caller Okay. A 63-year-old retired man was convicted of maligning the memory of the dead after he was seen celebrating the death of his gay neighbor by setting off fireworks and seen with extreme joy as the corpse was being carried away in a coffin.

1:29:24🔗 Adam Setting off fireworks?

1:29:28🔗 Drew First of all, multiple things here. The whole idea of desecrating the dead, there's a little bit of a German feel to it. I don't know of any state in this union where people are carried out of their house in a coffin.

1:29:43🔗 Adam Well, maybe just in a body bag or something. I don't know as a neighbor how you get the heads up. Even if you see the ambulance pull up front, how do you know the neighbor is dead? How do you prepare with the fireworks?

1:30:00🔗 Caller He said that he had a history of fighting with his gay neighbor.

1:30:03🔗 Drew How do you set off fireworks without getting in trouble in this country?

1:30:08🔗 Adam Well, Florida feels like fireworks, Florida feels like gay. Setting them off feels like Germany. The coffin feels like Germany. I'm going Germany.

1:30:16🔗 Drew Germany.

1:30:17🔗 Adam Germany. Germany it is.

1:30:21🔗 Caller We are back.

1:30:22🔗 Adam We are back.

1:30:23🔗 Caller Are you kidding?

1:30:25🔗 Adam We are so far back, we are front. You know what I'm saying, brother?

1:30:29🔗 Caller I hear you.

1:30:31🔗 Adam Let me tell you something. Yeah, we hiccuped a little bit last week. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie to you people. You listen to the show, you've got radios, you've got ears, you've got minds to process the information that's passed from the radio through your ears. Okay, we're not 100%. I never said we were. This is one of my time killing filibustering speeches. I like the guy who said, I never claimed to be perfect. We never say, Drew, did you ever hear me say I was perfect? No, I never said I was perfect. I'm damn good. Damn good. Never perfect. Never perfect. And the thing about it is, is yeah, like any great, like any, any, any, any great sports figure. Yeah, we stumbled. There was a little, little hitch in our giddy up. But you know what we did? We did whatever great one does. We did what the champions do. We got up. We got off the canvas and we dusted ourselves off. And we went out for the 15th round and we conquered. You understand? I hear you. Lesser man would have stayed down on that canvas. Lesser man wouldn't have gotten up, would have thrown in the towel. But no, like a champion, we got back to our feet. We dusted ourselves off and we came back to play Germany or Florida and really prosper. And I think we gotta be four out of the last five now, Drew.

1:31:51🔗 Drew And here we go, time for a break and a little traffic. And what time is it now?

1:31:55🔗 Adam Well, it's 11.51. That's nine minutes away from the top of the hour. That's 12 straight up. Yeah. You ready to go? We got a virgin here. Derek?

1:32:08🔗 Yeah, that's me.

1:32:09🔗 Adam You're 19?

1:32:09🔗 Caller Yep.

1:32:10🔗 Adam I gave myself a little headache with that speed.

1:32:13🔗 I know. It was pretty great though.

1:32:14🔗 Adam Very inspiring. Yeah.

1:32:16🔗 Drew What's the question?

1:32:17🔗 The question is, I'm 19. I'm a virgin. And for spring break, we're going to Tijuana. And a lot of my friends, they know that I'm a virgin. And they're like, all right, man, we're going to get you un-virginized, you know, we're going to. And I just want to know, do you think that's a good idea? They said whether it's some girl that's there or comes down to a hooker.

1:32:38🔗 Adam All right. Here's the whole thing. You have a hard time picking up hotties in TJ. I mean, non-prostitute hotties. Yeah.

1:32:49🔗 Drew And the press is not a good idea.

1:32:50🔗 Adam The whole part about, well, Mexican horse, fine. There's no disease there. The whole part about the buddies who get obsessed with you losing your virginity. They're more obsessed with letting you know that they are not virgins than they are in you losing your virginity.

1:33:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:33:06🔗 Adam And I love when guys do this. Yeah. Here's the deal. If it's if if if if you're a virgin and your buddy isn't, even if he only time he got laid was with one of his friends with sister's fat friends, he's still he's a million miles away. He is a he is a he's a four star general. And you're private.

1:33:28🔗 Drew Yes.

1:33:29🔗 Adam You understand he's a genius. And the more he can rub that in, the better. Now, the reality is he doesn't really want you to get laid because then all of a sudden you're both private.

1:33:36🔗 Drew Right. Exactly. Or you're both.

1:33:38🔗 Adam No, no, no. You're both privates. Now, I got a general. He just drops down from general to private.

1:33:42🔗 Drew I was kind of interested in the guys and just seeing you loaded and making fun of you.

1:33:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:46🔗 Drew It really is about humiliating you.

1:33:47🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:33:48🔗 Drew Yeah. It's not about you getting excited.

1:33:49🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:49🔗 Adam None of my friends would have actually they would have made fun of me, but they would have never dug in and kicked over the 15 bucks, you know, that it would have taken collectively.

1:33:58🔗 Drew Not unless, again, if it had been up on a stage somewhere, and really is something that they could take pictures of and bring home to some of the school stuff.

1:34:04🔗 Adam Yeah. Okay. So, head out to Ensenada, by the way, you find some chicks camping on the beach. You go Ensenada, you'll start find some chicks, Rosarita, Ensenada, St. T. Wine, just get the whole course. But plenty of good strip joints.

1:34:17🔗 Caller Oh, good times.

1:34:18🔗 Adam All right, good times.

1:34:18🔗 Caller Quick break.

1:34:19🔗 Adam We'll be right back.

1:34:36🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:35:02🔗 Adam Well, that is the program, everybody. I want to thank all our fantabulous guests for coming in tonight, and joining us for the best of Loveline. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:16🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:20🔗 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:35:35🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

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