Monday, January 17, 2005

1:27🔗 Adam Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, what, Drew?

1:31🔗 Drew What, what, Adam?

1:32🔗 Adam Never stop helping, that's all. Ian Somerhalder's here tonight, along with Maggie Grace. They are the brother and sister team on Lost, one of my favorite new shows. I think one of everyone's favorite new shows. I don't know why it's more watchable for me than all the other hour-long dramas, the CSIs and things like that. I don't know if it's the action, I don't know if it's the location.

1:55🔗 Drew I don't know if it's in the cast.

1:57🔗 Adam Yeah, it is definitely a good-looking cast. When I told the guys over at Kimmel tonight that I was going over there to see the brother and sister team, they all said that Maggie was the hottest chick on the island. They're not stupid. No, they're not.

2:11🔗 Drew That's why the brothers are pissed all the time.

2:14🔗 Adam Yeah, I like, I mean, all the women on the island are great-looking. The pregnant one is hot too, but I feel sort of bad, I feel dirty, you know? Now, you know, it's all shot in Hawaii, right?

2:28🔗 Guest All of it, yeah.

2:30🔗 Adam Where are all these beautiful places that you never get to go to or see? You know what I mean? Is it Kauai?

2:35🔗 Guest Kauai is unbelievable.

2:35🔗 Adam Kauahu. Is that a wahoo? And were you guys, they put, how far?

2:41🔗 Guest Oh, you mean the show?

2:42🔗 Adam So get in your mic a little bit, then, right? Just lean it, you can move it toward you. There you go. You guys shoot, the scene, the whole, where's the beach camp? What island is that?

2:53🔗 Guest The North Shore of Oahu.

2:54🔗 Adam That's North Shore. And you guys are staying at a hotel down the road?

2:58🔗 Guest No, we all live there now.

3:00🔗 Adam Oh, everyone just has a condom.

3:01🔗 Guest We've been shooting almost a year now.

3:02🔗 Guest Yeah, we're all buying houses out there.

3:04🔗 Adam Really?

3:05🔗 Guest Yeah.

3:05🔗 Adam Oh, that is awesome.

3:07🔗 Guest It's a good life.

3:07🔗 Guest It's pretty cool.

3:08🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah.

3:10🔗 Guest We have no idea how we got there.

3:11🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, just, you know, if you think about all the places, I mean, you know, most sitcoms are filmed in like Beirut these days.

3:18🔗 Drew Or Vancouver at best.

3:19🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

3:20🔗 Guest Yeah, I think our lucky stars every day have been shooting in Barstoke for the last year.

3:24🔗 Guest Yeah, there's nothing wrong with Barstoke, by the way.

3:26🔗 No, we have Barstoke.

3:28🔗 Guest We also really love Oahu.

3:29🔗 Adam Yeah. So everyone's going to buy a house there. And and everyone's been there for about a year.

3:35🔗 Guest Well, off and on since.

3:36🔗 Guest So well, yeah, we sort of had a soft march, but but we all kind of back there in July, which, by the way, you know, Hawaii in the summer as we all lived in LA for a long time, you know, the summers can be really hot. Yeah, but that beach stuff on the North Shore, no wind, beautiful waves, but no wind. Ninety five degrees to Tropical Island. Sometimes almost one hundred degrees.

3:56🔗 Drew I thought Hawaii always had a breeze.

3:58🔗 Guest Prada.

3:59🔗 Adam Way to the way to the surf gets going on the North Shore too.

4:02🔗 Guest It's now.

4:03🔗 Adam It's going.

4:03🔗 Guest Yeah, we have the biggest waves that they've had in Hawaii for, I think, eight years.

4:07🔗 Guest A 40 foot rogue wave hit our set about, what, three weeks ago, and it went two hundred and ten feet inland.

4:14🔗 Adam Really?

4:15🔗 Guest And it was strange because it kind of coincided with a story line about the waves.

4:18🔗 Drew Or a story line that I heard in Indonesia.

4:21🔗 Guest Yeah, a big story line.

4:22🔗 Guest Well, we shot that wave before the tragedy.

4:24🔗 Guest I know, which we, you know, I think everyone really truly understands how that feels, and we should all be helping those people over there.

4:32🔗 Adam Well, we are. I gave three grand. I don't know what Drew gave, but I gave three grand. But somebody has donated fifteen grand to come in on the show. Oh, good for them. And sit in and hang in with us, and that money's going to the fund. You guys are gonna want several hundred dollars by the time we get to 11 o'clock hour, so it's gonna be bizarre to you to think that somebody's-

4:51🔗 Guest But you took the money and ran, didn't you?

4:53🔗 Adam I said to Drew, and I gotta be honest, I'm gonna be upfront, Drew. Here we go, here we go. I said to Drew, we're fifteen thousand dollars, all right? Here's all I'm saying. I don't want ten, I want five. I just wanna wet my beak. You know, I just want a taste. And I'm saying, if we had the former host of the show, we'd probably be up two grand. Let's call it twenty-five hundred bucks.

5:11🔗 Drew You just wanna be compensated for the...

5:14🔗 Adam I come in here, I bust my hump. Every goddamn night, I bust my hump.

5:18🔗 Drew The rich price you pulled in, you want a piece of that.

5:20🔗 Adam Well, here's basically what I'm saying. If you had another host, it would be twenty-five hundred bucks. He wouldn't get a cut, but that would be it.

5:26🔗 Drew Right, nor would the station get their seven or eight thousand that they're gonna get, or ten thousand.

5:30🔗 Adam Right, right. Now, I'm taking the five, that still leaves ten, which is still seventy-five hundred more than you would have had with me.

5:37🔗 Drew Like I said, I believe Diana Ross uses that kind of math when she does the charity event. I believe that's how it works.

5:42🔗 Adam No, it's like your agent works, you know what I mean? He gets you an extra hundred grand on that Senka commercial, Drew, and then, happily, you give him his ten percent. You would have never seen that money.

5:52🔗 Drew Understood.

5:53🔗 Adam Okay, all right, why do I gotta play the heavy? I do have some bad news. Remember I said if we got to fifteen, I was gonna bump it up to seven grand?

6:01🔗 Drew Yes.

6:02🔗 Adam We did kind of get to fifteen, and I'm sorry.

6:05🔗 Drew You didn't say that.

6:05🔗 Adam It's still seventy-five hundred dollars going to those Sumatran's. That's my point.

6:09🔗 Drew Here we go.

6:10🔗 Adam We're raising money. So how many episodes did you shoot and then you got picked up and how many more do you have to do and all that stuff? Like what's the schedule like? You guys are obviously here now.

6:22🔗 Guest We just got lucky. We had the Globes last night and it's Jorge Garcia's episode this week, the big guy, big funny guy. So Maggie and I get about a week or so off, which doesn't really have to do with television. But we're on 116 now.

6:36🔗 Guest 116 of ensemble drama.

6:38🔗 Guest Exactly. We shoot 23 episodes a season.

6:41🔗 Adam You know what's amazing too? There's 20 people on the beach, but they all seem to have a significant role. I mean, it's sort of like some championship football team where you know everybody and everyone has their role players, but there's not one necessarily. I mean, there are a couple of stars. Obviously, Evangeline Lilly, I could screw that up or I get that right. And what's it? Matthew Fox? Yeah, they're the lead guys, but everyone else gets a fair amount of camera time, and by the time you get to them, you've been missing them a little bit. And you guys, I love the fact that you guys hate each other most of the time.

7:15🔗 Guest It's life imitating art perfectly, art imitating life.

7:19🔗 Adam Yeah, but in real life, you guys are the best of friends, right? No, yes.

7:23🔗 Drew They never speak. How do you know?

7:24🔗 Adam Yeah. Really?

7:25🔗 Drew Oh, no.

7:25🔗 Adam Shut up, Drew. Are you ready? Maria?

7:30🔗 Hi, how are you?

7:31🔗 Adam You're 17?

7:32🔗 Caller Yep.

7:33🔗 Adam What's happening?

7:35🔗 Caller Well, I never thought I'd ask this question, but I was with my boyfriend the other night, and he wasn't in me, but he came between my thighs.

7:45🔗 Adam Yeah.

7:46🔗 Drew Near you.

7:47🔗 Caller Yeah, near me. And my period was just ending like that morning. I thought it was over, but then later that day, I began bleeding again. And so I'm like 90% sure, or 99% sure, I couldn't be pregnant, but I feel like I once heard Dr. Drew saying that it didn't travel up, and if you get pregnant, you might start bleeding right away.

8:10🔗 Drew Well, you put together some interesting facts.

8:12🔗 Adam Yeah, and not up your thigh.

8:14🔗 Drew Not up your thigh. No, it's not going to, I know where off the ground and travel and jump off the furniture.

8:20🔗 Adam Yeah. These aren't carpenter ants. No. You understand?

8:23🔗 It would be great if they were.

8:24🔗 Adam You see the sperm carrying the leaves across the canopy of the rainforest? Awesome. Yeah. Maria.

8:33🔗 Yeah.

8:34🔗 Adam We don't want you to have kids for a good long time.

8:36🔗 Drew Take it easy.

8:37🔗 Adam Maybe you should. No homeschooling when you do.

8:39🔗 Drew Are you a virgin?

8:40🔗 Caller Yes, I am. I really want to stay that way.

8:42🔗 Drew Good. Let's stay that way. Virgin, you're having difficulty sort of defining what that means and I think it's coming too technical.

8:49🔗 Caller I have to slow down.

8:51🔗 Drew Yeah.

8:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

8:51🔗 Drew That's all right.

8:53🔗 Adam Who's your boyfriend?

8:55🔗 Caller A boy. He's a really wonderful person. He'll slow down if I ask.

8:59🔗 Adam He sounds like a delight by the way. Sir Walter Raleigh. How dare you? I miss the comforter, my lady. Here's a wet net.

9:10🔗 Drew Why did you laugh when he said your boyfriend?

9:13🔗 Adam Yeah.

9:14🔗 Caller I mean, I like him. I mean, I don't care if you make fun of him. You don't know him.

9:17🔗 Drew But we were the one that laughed when we said boyfriend.

9:18🔗 Adam Oh, I know him. Believe you me. I know him. I've been doing this job for 10 years. I know this guy.

9:23🔗 Drew I know. All right.

9:24🔗 Adam Listen, Maria, you have to... You should use some birth control if you think you're going to cross the line. No.

9:31🔗 Drew Okay.

9:32🔗 Adam Well, then don't cross the line.

9:33🔗 Drew Back it down. Back it down a little bit.

9:34🔗 Adam You're fine.

9:35🔗 Drew All right.

9:36🔗 Like, I'll be pregnant, though.

9:39🔗 Drew Well, if SEMA does not get into you, no, you're not going to get pregnant.

9:42🔗 Adam Was the ceiling fan on?

9:45🔗 Caller No, there was none.

9:46🔗 Adam No, okay.

9:48🔗 Caller All right.

9:49🔗 Adam You know the thing about ceiling fans, I was just thinking about, there's a fine line between them not making any noise and them making too much noise. You don't want them completely silent.

9:56🔗 Drew Why not?

9:57🔗 Adam Because a little hum will put you to sleep.

10:00🔗 Drew What's with that weird brain you've got? You need that hum, not me.

10:03🔗 Adam That weird brain has got us up to 15 grand.

10:05🔗 Drew I know, I understand.

10:06🔗 Adam I was 7,500 down.

10:07🔗 Drew Maybe I should use the word weird. Special brain.

10:09🔗 Adam Gross, 15 grand, 75. But here's the point, a little hum is nice, right? During the summer and your feet are hanging over and all that kind of stuff. Right, but sometimes you get that rattle and then you're completely throwing off your game.

10:25🔗 Guest It's not really a rattle, it's a...

10:27🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drew, no? You want nothing?

10:30🔗 Drew Nothing.

10:31🔗 Adam It's almost, it's weird feeling...

10:32🔗 Drew I want the air moving, I want the air moving.

10:34🔗 Adam Yeah, but air moving minus sound is sort of... It's...

10:37🔗 Drew It's called wind.

10:38🔗 Adam It's eerie. No, it's like would be like flying in a prop plane and not hearing the engine. It's unnerving.

10:44🔗 Drew Whatever.

10:46🔗 Guest Do you find unnerving to be alone in your own company with nothing else making noise?

10:50🔗 Adam I like something, I will often just deal, mmm, just so I can do something.

10:56🔗 Drew Be honest, what happens if you're sitting by yourself with no distractions?

10:59🔗 Adam I have to masturbate.

10:59🔗 Drew Right, there we go.

11:01🔗 Adam No, I'm saying it. I'm making the announcement now.

11:04🔗 Drew Right now, okay, that's fine.

11:05🔗 Adam Jenny?

11:06🔗 Yes.

11:07🔗 Adam You're 21?

11:08🔗 Caller Yes.

11:09🔗 Adam What's up?

11:11🔗 Caller I'm kind of seeing this guy a little bit. We're not really dating, but he has a gigantic dick.

11:19🔗 Drew Where'd she say she went to fishing school? Where?

11:21🔗 Adam I think it would be Zurich.

11:23🔗 Drew Zurich is her mom. Okay.

11:25🔗 Caller Can I see that on the radio?

11:26🔗 Adam Well, I guess. I don't know. We'll go with yes. So he's giant.

11:32🔗 I have a really big dick.

11:34🔗 Adam Well, I guess we can say it. Blink 182? And, yeah.

11:41🔗 Caller My question is, what is this doing to me downstairs? Nothing.

11:47🔗 Adam It's like a wrecking ball hitting an old apartment building. I'm the big boy.

11:51🔗 Drew Probably nothing. Are you having pain or problems?

11:53🔗 Caller No, just like the term loose.

11:56🔗 Drew No, Jane, don't be ridiculous.

11:58🔗 Adam Oh, she thinks she's being groped out. Yeah. Well, here's the thing.

12:04🔗 Drew The Adam hates your boyfriend.

12:05🔗 Adam It's fine as long as you go bigger for the next guy, but you have to keep going bigger like the-

12:10🔗 Drew Graduated cylinders.

12:11🔗 Adam Yeah, I was thinking of those old Russian wooden dolls.

12:12🔗 Guest Right, right.

12:14🔗 Adam The opposite doll.

12:15🔗 Caller Does it do anything or does it always stay the same size down there?

12:19🔗 Drew Jenny, that area of your body is designed to handle a child's head.

12:24🔗 Caller Well, yeah, I have two, so.

12:26🔗 Drew Yeah. They did a little more down there than your boyfriend.

12:29🔗 Adam I pray they did.

12:30🔗 Drew And did you have a cesarean section?

12:32🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

12:33🔗 Drew Did you have a C-section?

12:34🔗 Caller No.

12:35🔗 Drew Okay, so you had a vaginal delivery, and you understand what went through the canal there was bigger than what your boyfriend's offering.

12:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

12:42🔗 Drew And things went back basically to normal, right?

12:45🔗 Caller Yeah, I've heard that they go back to how you were before you lost your virginity. You know, does it ever change down there?

12:53🔗 Drew Well, the babies will change it a bit, but that's about it. And it changes a little bit after you lose your virginity, but that's about it.

12:59🔗 Adam Wait a minute.

12:59🔗 Drew There's all kinds of little changes.

13:00🔗 Adam It goes back to how...

13:02🔗 Drew No, don't even go there.

13:03🔗 Adam To before? And by the way, before you lost your virginity, you could have been three years old. There's no way.

13:09🔗 Drew I know. So don't...

13:11🔗 Adam All right. Jenny. Jenny, are you going to a junior college right now?

13:16🔗 Caller No, I don't go to college, actually. I work in a factory.

13:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

13:20🔗 Caller See?

13:20🔗 Adam But I see...

13:21🔗 Drew He's one of your people.

13:22🔗 Adam I see it as sort of a heart, sort of real hot, like flash dance sort of situation where you do like welding, but you're hot, and you dance and all that.

13:30🔗 Caller Actually, I'm a press operator.

13:31🔗 Adam But you're hot, right?

13:33🔗 Caller Oh, I'm definitely hot.

13:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

13:35🔗 Caller Especially after two babies.

13:37🔗 Adam If the kid, yeah, if the kid didn't stretch you out, then how's your new boyfriend?

13:44🔗 Caller What do you mean?

13:45🔗 Drew This is the point. If the child didn't cause any stretching or change down there...

13:50🔗 Caller Well, that rips and tears, and then you heal afterwards.

13:54🔗 Drew Yeah, but the point is...

13:55🔗 Caller The term loose...

13:58🔗 Drew No, forget it, Jane. No such thing. Forget it. Yes, a bunch of crap.

14:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

14:02🔗 Drew It's something some of your fortune-old boys talk about.

14:04🔗 Adam Stop talking to people you work with. That's number one. Number two, you don't have a saltwater taffy down there. It doesn't get yoked out and never go back. Please. Hey, Jenny. Where is the father or the fathers of the two children?

14:19🔗 Caller Actually, it's one father for the both of them.

14:21🔗 Adam Wow, refreshing.

14:23🔗 Drew A husband?

14:24🔗 Adam Old fashioned.

14:25🔗 Caller No, we were going to get married, but...

14:27🔗 Drew Going to get married. That was a commitment, though.

14:28🔗 Adam Right.

14:29🔗 Drew Kids are one thing, but marriage, that's a commitment.

14:31🔗 Adam Where is he now?

14:32🔗 Caller He actually is in jail.

14:33🔗 Drew Okay. Well, now we're back. Now we're back. Come to the focus. We're in Loveline again.

14:37🔗 Adam Yeah. So, what's he doing in... Why is he in jail?

14:42🔗 Caller He had a couple of DUIs. A couple of hit and runs. Yeah.

14:50🔗 Drew So...

14:50🔗 Adam He moves to Paris.

14:51🔗 Drew Jenny, I'm looking at my crystal ball. Your dad was an alcoholic.

14:55🔗 Caller Oh, big one.

14:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

14:56🔗 Drew How did I know that magically? All right.

14:58🔗 Adam But, Jenny, by the way, do you have to crank out two kids at 21 with this kind of chaos in your life?

15:05🔗 Caller Actually, I was on birth control for the first one, and I was using condoms with the first one and then birth control with the second.

15:11🔗 Adam Eesh. Hold on. Let me talk to God for a second. What goes on here that we have the women we talk to are dutifully taking their birth control and somehow God overrides that because they think a 17-year-old former victim of sexual abuse needs to crank out another kid so she can eff them up and we can take care of them.

15:31🔗 Drew Here's what that is. That person is not the most diligent person at keeping the schedule with the pills.

15:36🔗 Adam Yeah, they're not.

15:37🔗 Drew They may think they are, they may be close, but they're not.

15:39🔗 Adam But then what about the loving couple where the woman's the orthodontist and the guy plays the cello with the Philharmonic who have been trying their brains out for eight years to have a kid and they have to go to like Vietnam to get some kid missing a middle finger. What is that? They can't have a kid?

15:56🔗 Drew The Asian kids need somebody to take care of them.

15:58🔗 Adam Guys, the people who drive Range Rovers with airbags on the airbags and they can't have it, but the one with the trailer with the duct tape holding the door closed, they have seven kids. They can't stop having kids. How does that work? Why is that? What's the plan?

16:16🔗 Drew How dare you question God's plan? How dare you?

16:19🔗 Adam You're right. You're right. You're right. He's a genius. All right.

16:23🔗 Drew Ian Somerhalder. Yo, Grace. Come on. Reset here.

16:26🔗 Adam That's right. Let's reset. All right. Let's break it down now. Lost.

16:30🔗 Drew Everybody hand in. Here we go. Here we go.

16:32🔗 Adam Wednesday Nights, ABC. Best new show on television. Now, you know, on ABC especially, the Desperate Housewives gets a fair amount of ink, but Lost better.

16:44🔗 Drew The same in the same breath.

16:45🔗 Adam Just better. People at work talking about it. Want to know what's going on. What could it be? What's happening next? It's really exciting. Rochelle? Yeah. Rochelle?

16:57🔗 Hello?

16:58🔗 Adam What's happening? You're 29.

17:00🔗 Caller Holy crap. I can't believe I'm up. This is awesome. Hi, guys. Well, my husband and I are having a lot of challenges having sex.

17:11🔗 Drew And? Keep going? What's the problem?

17:13🔗 Caller Well, for a long time, I wanted a lot of violent sex. Like, that's what I asked him to try. He wasn't really into it. But finally, we kind of did a lot of that. And it just kind of scared me. I thought it would turn, you know, I thought it would like it, but it...

17:26🔗 Adam How do you get him going if he doesn't want to do it? And how do you inspire him?

17:31🔗 Caller Well, he didn't mind, like, the holding down and tying up and all that kind of stuff.

17:37🔗 Adam Yeah, I think secretly a lot of guys could get into it. Drew, if we ever unleash you, we'd just be, we get a call from the cops. Where's Drew? He opened a can, he should have never opened.

17:48🔗 Guest God forbid.

17:49🔗 Adam God forbid. Passionate man. Ian, a little rough trade is alright, right? I mean, you know.

17:56🔗 Guest You know, I don't know, I'm not that into it.

17:58🔗 Adam Not your thing.

17:58🔗 Drew But here's the sort of...

18:01🔗 Adam Maggie's giving me a knowing notch. It, not...

18:04🔗 Guest You made an awful lot of fun of me that day I had to be strapped to that tree.

18:08🔗 Guest She was strapped to a tree in the jungle once. And I had to go and cut her. And it was...

18:12🔗 Guest The ropes.

18:13🔗 Adam You made a lot of sexual jokes, right?

18:15🔗 Guest Well, yeah, but it...

18:18🔗 Adam I think women will admit to a little tug on the hair, a little tamp on the ass. Yes, Maggie? Hello?

18:26🔗 Guest Women in general?

18:27🔗 Adam Yeah, women in general. Not you, not you personally. You know, I think you do speak for all women. I really do.

18:33🔗 Guest Oh, thank you. Well, I've always thought so.

18:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

18:36🔗 Guest Isn't it something with, sensorially, that the pain of somehow reverses the sensor?

18:42🔗 Drew Well, there's some heightening, yeah, heightening of arousal. But the reality is, something like Rochelle, though, had whistled beat, never abused physically, and that makes that attractive for the sources of trauma in childhood become attractions in adulthood. And as soon as they reenact, and they compulsively reenact those, those things that were so traumatizing, and when they do, they get re-traumatized and they shut down. And that's what Rochelle did.

19:02🔗 Guest Is it like an attempt to resolve problems with parents? I mean, that's the theory.

19:07🔗 Drew Well, that's what people, when they try to understand the things, will say, well, it's trying to regain mastery over things that were just so power, we feel so powerless and helpless. The reality is, I think it just sets a wiring in the brain that just compulses us.

19:17🔗 Guest So it's a sort of twisted regression therapy.

19:19🔗 Drew Self-induced regression. This is why people get in bad relationships over and over again. It's all the things that makes people nutty in relationships. A lot of it harkens back to early childhood trauma.

19:29🔗 Adam Rochelle? Did you have some abuse in your past?

19:33🔗 Caller I was raped when I was four several times.

19:36🔗 Drew So there you go.

19:36🔗 Adam Who did that?

19:37🔗 Caller A neighbor. He was actually a boy. He was only 12, so.

19:41🔗 Adam Did you report him?

19:43🔗 Caller Yes, I did.

19:44🔗 Adam And how was your dad? Was he around?

19:47🔗 Caller Oh yeah. My dad, well, actually they got divorced when he was six and I would be with him during the summer with my mom during the year.

19:54🔗 Drew So you need some treatment, Rochelle. You need to deal with this.

19:56🔗 Adam Well, was your dad a good guy?

19:58🔗 Caller He's awesome. He's my mom has some problems. She's a little, she's a little off, I think.

20:03🔗 Drew Alcoholic.

20:05🔗 Caller But the thing is, see, I, I tried very hard to decide that I didn't want to like have violent sex. I wanted like the, you know, like the soft.

20:15🔗 Drew Rochelle, that's exactly what humans do. They are attracted to that. In fact, they sometimes can only experience themselves sexually in those highly arousing situations. But when you re-create them, they re-traumatize and then you go and shut down. You need to re-integrate. It's really what therapy would be about, about putting all the pieces of that.

20:33🔗 Caller Here's the thing. So I finally just like stopped being interested in that. Are you guys still there?

20:40🔗 Adam Yeah.

20:40🔗 Caller Oh, okay. I stopped being interested in that, but now I have no interest in sex whatsoever.

20:45🔗 Drew Listen, Rochelle.

20:46🔗 Adam Do you have kids?

20:47🔗 Caller No.

20:48🔗 Adam Oh, that's good.

20:49🔗 Drew Therapy, therapy, therapy.

20:49🔗 Adam You gotta get some therapy.

20:50🔗 Drew Therapy is who's used to doing with trauma survivors.

20:52🔗 Adam Yeah, you're abused. I mean, you're raped when you're four.

20:54🔗 Drew And this is highly treatable, by the way. Highly treatable, okay?

20:58🔗 Caller Highly treatable?

20:59🔗 Drew Yes, what you've got is true, but it's not like we can talk you out of it or teach you out of it. You have to have an experiential process in therapy and go take care of it.

21:07🔗 Adam Let me say this. It's Martin Luther King Day. He had a dream. I have a dream, too. This country would get a little therapy that 30-year-old people wouldn't be like cavemen in terms of their mentality. It's like, what? Huh? I mean, we're getting pretty sophisticated with lots of things. We understand how things work. Why are we not moving in this department? Why will we not understand or accept that these things that happened in the past affect us as adults in very predictable ways?

21:37🔗 Guest Because it's not talked about.

21:38🔗 Adam It isn't. And why is it stigmatized? Why couldn't a president see a therapist? Why do they have to pretend they're religious and see their effing clergy all the time?

21:48🔗 Guest Because there is no difference, you know, there's no separation between church and state. It's not taught. It's not implemented.

21:55🔗 Adam I think that as far as the society goes, as far as the government goes, it's not looked at. It's not discussed. I think it's considered a weakness if a leader says, yeah, I'm going to get a little counseling. I think it's sort of a cop-out or a weakness.

22:10🔗 Drew You know what it is? I just think about this, that religion has been so much the fabric around which society has been built that we're still living under that rubric. It's devolving, but the people that lead a society still need to harken back on that very, very ancient glue. It's always been there, and they're fearful of doing otherwise.

22:29🔗 Adam Yeah, and I think they're sort of freaked out about what they might find in therapy.

22:33🔗 Drew The only thing is we don't have a new myth to replace the old one.

22:35🔗 Guest Right, and it's going to take a while for that to sort of take shape.

22:38🔗 Adam Yeah, it seems like society is, by definition, just made up of human beings who basically respond the same way to the same stimuli. We could correct many of the things we're trying to avoid.

22:52🔗 Guest Yeah, but based on what? Faith. Based on sort of one stream consciousness that...

22:58🔗 Drew No, but the point is, just like if we were a group of polar bears...

23:01🔗 Adam We would figure out what makes this group of a hundred polar bears react in certain ways, and then we would fix it.

23:06🔗 Drew What makes them healthier and make them... Give them the stimuli and the lifestyle that makes them healthier.

23:11🔗 Adam It's pretty straightforward that someone like Rochelle got abused as a four-year-old and needs a certain amount of help at a certain department.

23:19🔗 Drew And by the way, not some sort of... It's not shattering voodoo. Yeah, it's just a very simple, simple... Spending time with another person.

23:26🔗 Adam Very straightforward.

23:28🔗 Guest Yes, your question, Dr. Drew. Do you have one author or a series of books maybe that you can have these people read?

23:35🔗 Drew No, that's actually a problem, because the stuff gets pretty technical when you start reading about how this stuff is managed by the brain and on psychological terms. Well, give something. But it doesn't really matter. That's the point, because there's nothing you can read about this or learn about it that will change it.

23:50🔗 Guest Well, when you're in the situation, it's so hard to self-diagnose and apply what you're reading.

23:54🔗 Drew Even if you could, you can't. The only thing that helps it is an interpersonal experience, an emotional experience, not an intellectual experience, an interpersonal experience where you change in relation to another person. You're literally using another person's central nervous system to re-regulate your own. Reading about it does nothing except convince you that you need to get treatment.

24:14🔗 Adam Yeah, well, it couldn't hurt to read about it, but you end up just sort of intellectualizing.

24:18🔗 Drew Right.

24:18🔗 Adam And you say, well, I'm doing all I can by reading when you really need to get in and start working on it.

24:23🔗 Drew It's like the alcoholic, well, I really understand my disease now. Right. Here we go, I don't need to go 12 steps anymore because I understand I'm an alcoholic and I understand how that works.

24:30🔗 Adam Yeah. You making fun of me, Drew? Yeah, you. How dare you? How dare you show me up in front of the big screen?

24:35🔗 Drew Have I ever called your medicine alcohol in public before?

24:38🔗 Adam I call it my medicine, a little red wine before I go to bed. You know, helps take the edge off. I come in here, I walk out of here. I'm carrying the burden of everybody who calls this show. I never, I remember every listener, every caller, every question. And I internalize all this.

24:53🔗 Drew I walk in, what was the last call?

24:56🔗 Adam I called him Brada or something. What, the last call?

24:59🔗 Drew Yeah.

24:59🔗 Adam The chick and her areolas were too wide.

25:03🔗 Drew There you go.

25:04🔗 Adam I'm listening. How dare you try to show me up? All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Ian Somerhalder is here tonight. Also Maggie Grace, both from Lost. Wednesday nights, ABC, eight o'clock. We'll take a quick break. When we come back, oh, Lily attracted to gay guys and transsexuals. That's good times. All that after this.

25:27🔗 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

25:39🔗 Adam Yeah, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. Well, that would be Dr. Drew, but he's helping out a listener. Ian Somerhalder here tonight, Maggie Grace, both from Lost. Wednesday Nights, ABC. 8 p.m. Best new show on television. And no signs of slowing down. I don't know how far in advance you guys know. Do you... What? I know you couldn't talk about it if you did know, but how much do they tell you about plot and...

26:08🔗 Guest Not so much.

26:09🔗 Adam That sort of thing.

26:09🔗 Guest We have enough to go on, but not so much that would overburden our performances in any way.

26:14🔗 Adam Do you or have some local apply you with booze and have you spill it all over the place? You know what I'm saying? I mean, if you knew, you could talk, right?

26:26🔗 Guest They know that we're actors and by virtue of that, we would be compelled to tell people like you.

26:33🔗 Guest Well, they tell me things, just not Ian.

26:34🔗 Adam Right. That's what I feel.

26:35🔗 Guest I mean, they're smart guys.

26:36🔗 Guest No, you know what's really kind of interesting? I remember on the pilot, and they do this sometimes as well. If Maggie needed to know, say, A and B. But I didn't, but I needed to know K and F. They would tell us these two separate things.

26:48🔗 Adam Really?

26:49🔗 Guest I knew things about his character that he didn't know.

26:51🔗 Guest Right. And I know things about her that she still doesn't know.

26:53🔗 Adam Interesting.

26:54🔗 Guest But I actually figured them all out on my own.

26:57🔗 Adam But is... I'm pretty sure of it. Do you think they know? How far in advance do you think the writer-producers know?

27:04🔗 Guest When they wrote the pilot, they had it brainstormed through, I think, season six.

27:07🔗 Guest Oh, really?

27:08🔗 Guest Obviously just broad kind of story arcs.

27:12🔗 Guest Kind of broad strokes. I think all the little details sort of fall into place.

27:16🔗 Adam Right. Yeah. Obviously they don't know every nuance, every twist, every turn. But in terms of the broad strokes and the big picture, they know. Sometimes I wonder with a lot of shows if they don't know what... Like everyone's sitting around going, I wonder what's on the island. I wonder what it is. I wonder what's going on. And I sometimes think, well, maybe they don't know yet.

27:35🔗 Guest Well, we definitely don't know that much. And we're only a couple, we're about four episodes ahead of what's airing, which is I guess a significant amount, but you want more. For every resolve, there are five more questions and that sort of makes it crazy.

27:50🔗 Adam So how many more do you have to do before... Are you still in season one? Because I'm getting the seasons broken up now.

27:58🔗 Guest We shoot through April.

27:59🔗 Guest Beginning of April.

28:00🔗 Guest Oh really?

28:00🔗 Adam And how many episodes will that be in total?

28:02🔗 Guest 23.

28:03🔗 Adam Wow, that is a lot.

28:04🔗 Guest Two-hour finale.

28:05🔗 Guest Is she okay, Drew?

28:06🔗 Adam Dr. Drew. Everything cool, buddy?

28:08🔗 Drew Same as cool.

28:08🔗 Adam Take care of business. Let me smell your finger. That's disgusting, Drew. I can't believe you would hold it out to me. Come on, let's try to help the kids. Lily?

28:19🔗 Yeah?

28:20🔗 Adam You're seventeen?

28:22🔗 What's up? Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew. I love you guys. You guys are like superheroes.

28:28🔗 Adam Thank you. Thank you. You know, we raised seventy five hundred dollars for the Sumatra relief stuff.

28:34🔗 Drew Now the superhero and the salvage diving, I keep going back to the Soviet sub cartoon.

28:40🔗 Adam Oh yeah, I haven't figured any of this stuff out yet. Drew, don't confuse everyone. Lily?

28:44🔗 Yeah?

28:45🔗 Adam Sorry, thanks for the compliment. Now go ahead.

28:48🔗 Okay, well, I'm seventeen. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but for some reason, I'm like attracted to gay guys and like cross-dressers. Because I live out in the Bay Area and there's like tons of them, right?

28:59🔗 Drew You're a lesbian.

29:00🔗 True, please. For some reason, like their personalities, everything about them, like I'm attracted to them. I don't know, for some reason, I'm attracted to them and it's really confusing.

29:09🔗 Drew Gay males? Yeah. Well, gay males are a superior version of the male, would you say, generally?

29:15🔗 Adam Yeah, the only part they're missing is the part where they're attracted to your genitalia. They vomit if they see you naked, but other than that, it's great. Good listeners into what you're into, lots of recycling, those people recycle. What utopia we would be living in if everyone was gay? No street crime, nothing but recycling, manicured lawns. You ever see that gay, you see the stretch of Boystown on Santa Monica Boulevard there?

29:42🔗 Guest That's so nice. It's beautiful.

29:43🔗 Adam They're this close to carpeting the place. I swear to God, you throw a piece of gum on the ground, you're tackled by the gay patrol. Drew, you ever been tackled by the gay patrol? No, it's not good.

29:55🔗 I'm parking tickets.

29:57🔗 Adam Here's what basically happened is Santa Monica runs from like East LA to the ocean essentially, and there's one nice strip of it, and that's the gay park. There's three blocks of just pristine, I mean, the thing looks like some sort of five star resort. They're going to open like a driving range and a golf course.

30:17🔗 Guest And what's so excruciating painful is that all the guys are as beautiful as the landscape. I mean, they're all beautiful.

30:23🔗 Adam All they do is exfoliate. That's all they do. Gay guys shine. They shine. They loofa. They scrub themselves down the bone.

30:31🔗 Drew I think Grace can relate to Lily's question a little bit, though, here.

30:33🔗 Adam Yeah. No, yeah. I mean, it must be frustrating.

30:38🔗 Guest I do live in Los Angeles, and yes, I mean, a lot of very attractive.

30:41🔗 Adam Sorry, correction.

30:42🔗 Guest Yeah.

30:42🔗 Adam Now you're in Hawaii. But when you are back home in Los Angeles, you see that beautiful man, shaved, tanned, six-pack abs.

30:50🔗 Guest The grooming is stunning. And also, you know, you might find they're sometimes more sensitive to your needs. Well-read. Very well-read.

30:58🔗 Adam Well-read, great sense of humor.

30:59🔗 Guest But occasionally, you run into a guy you may think has every appearance of being gay and isn't, in fact, straight.

31:06🔗 Adam Really?

31:06🔗 Drew No.

31:07🔗 Guest Yeah.

31:07🔗 Adam Really?

31:07🔗 Guest It can happen, so maybe you'll meet one of those.

31:10🔗 Adam Yeah, but then he turns out to be gay, and then it gets weird because he had sex with him. And it's like, oh my God. You see what I'm saying?

31:17🔗 Drew You're freaking Maggie out now.

31:19🔗 Adam All right, maybe this is happening. But this is an interesting point, which is as guys, we like lesbians, lipstick lesbians, but they don't really exist just in porn where they get two straight chicks, get them high and tell them to go at each other for 500 bucks. They're not truly lesbians. The true lesbians, they're the chicks who work at the feed store, they work at the kennel, they work around animals. Yeah, and well, they're angry. They don't like you, but they're butch and they're stocky and they got that buzz cut and they're into like black powder rifles and stuff like that and you got nothing. You don't need them. So it's not torture because you go, well, look at the hefty chick in the dungarees wearing the burlap shirt with the butch cut and no makeup. I don't need any of that. It's not a waste. But you women, you see the guy who's 6'2, looking like Lucky Vanos, scrubbed, winking, winking with his cheeks are winking at you and he's recycling with his shirt off. And you're like, Oh my God, this guy's how he's got a puppy. Look at the puppy. They do, you know what they do? They're effing with women. Think about a guy. Here's all I do. All I do is sit ups and walk a puppy down a pristine street. That's it with my shirt off and exfoliate. And I like read Oscar Wilde. I want nothing to do with you, honey. Think about it. It's like you're effing with women.

32:40🔗 Drew Yeah, tantalizing them.

32:41🔗 Adam You're screwing with them, right?

32:43🔗 Drew Right?

32:44🔗 Adam All right. And you got time and you're crying and you want a little two-cedar and a smart cocktail. You know, you're taking a me day every couple of days, just going to the beach and reading some more. Right?

32:57🔗 Guest And there's that forbidden fruit appeal.

32:59🔗 Adam Oh my God. You could just turn them out. Just turn them around.

33:04🔗 Drew That's the plan.

33:05🔗 Guest Women do love to change men. There's a big challenge.

33:09🔗 Adam And then here's the real tantalizing part. You're super hot. There's all these slobs that are going after you all the time. And this guy wants nothing to do with you. It's like, he finds you grotesque.

33:19🔗 Drew Uninteresting.

33:20🔗 Guest Not interesting.

33:22🔗 Adam No, he'll vomit if you touch him. Touch him.

33:25🔗 He'll vomit.

33:26🔗 Guest My gay male friends are very physically affected.

33:29🔗 Adam They don't say anything, but if you ever touch them in a sexual way, they would just project the alpha on it.

33:34🔗 Guest I don't know anybody who's not attracted to Maggie.

33:36🔗 Adam The gay guys.

33:37🔗 Guest Even the gay guys.

33:39🔗 Adam They're nice. They're like, all right.

33:42🔗 Drew They appreciate, but not attracted.

33:44🔗 Yeah.

33:45🔗 Guest They're good at kind of taking care of me and going shopping.

33:49🔗 Adam Yeah. But I mean, man, just talk about the project that that would be the ultimate project.

33:55🔗 Guest Isn't there someone on the phone that... Yeah.

33:57🔗 Drew That's what I'm saying. Lily? Lily, here's the only thing I've noticed.

34:00🔗 Guest Sorry, Lily.

34:01🔗 Drew Aside from what we've been discussing, which is that gay men can be just very...

34:04🔗 My mom has the same problem. All right.

34:07🔗 Drew Hold on. Listen, Lily. Aside from the fact that gay men are just appealing in many, many ways, the one thing that I have noticed, the only pattern I have seen with women that hang around with people that are transsexual or gay, and this may or may not be you, it's not been a strong pattern I've seen, but occasionally they are raised with the idea that they should have been the other sex. The dad's always going, I wish you'd been a little boy. I wish you'd been a little boy.

34:30🔗 Adam Interesting.

34:31🔗 Drew Did you get anything like that when you were growing up?

34:33🔗 No. My mom was always happy I was a girl.

34:36🔗 Drew Where was your dad?

34:37🔗 My dad was in Mexico. I never knew him.

34:41🔗 Adam You say you're second generation fag hag?

34:46🔗 Drew Yes.

34:47🔗 It's just my mom was like, my mom's attracted to like gay people too and like trans-gender and stuff. It's weird and like.

34:55🔗 Adam God knows maybe grandma was too. Back in the day.

34:59🔗 But it's just weird because I am too and it's like. All right.

35:03🔗 Adam Well, you know what this means?

35:04🔗 Drew I don't know what your dad means. What happened to your dad?

35:07🔗 My dad, he left or my mom left him when I was a baby. Why? I guess because my mom was abused or my dad was abusive towards my mom.

35:17🔗 Adam Anything that ends up in Mexico is always bad. Canada is a push. South of France means he started his own successful winery or something. That's all right. But if it ends in Mexico, that's a bad sign. Don't delve, Drew. Got it. Lily? Yeah. Here's what it means to me. It means you can't handle intimacy because any guy you're interested in doesn't really have the mathematical chance of being interested in you that way. It's a way of saving yourself. Your dad left, your dad broke your heart, your dad was a horrible guy. You're scared to get close and intimate with a guy. So you just go after guys that are either gay or they're, you know, you're the close cousin of the one who goes after guys that are in prison.

35:58🔗 Drew Right.

35:59🔗 Adam You can't handle an intimate relationship.

36:01🔗 Drew It makes sure that you're not going to be involved with these guys.

36:04🔗 Adam Yeah. And they're guys who just date strippers. It's sort of the same thing, although their logic I understand. Lily?

36:12🔗 Drew Yeah.

36:13🔗 Adam So you got to look into this. And don't just make the announcement, I like gays.

36:18🔗 Drew No, by the way, you may look into it. She may be just one relationship away from this going away.

36:22🔗 Adam Yeah, maybe.

36:22🔗 Drew She was 17.

36:23🔗 Adam You just need a good, you need the right guy.

36:26🔗 So like, how would I go about doing, like looking for the right guy?

36:30🔗 Drew Just being open to the possibility of a relationship, that's all you got to be. Yeah. To be willing to be close to somebody.

36:36🔗 Adam Now.

36:36🔗 Drew Who's not unable to be close to you.

36:38🔗 Adam Now, and don't stand around with your arms folded. It means you're not available. In gay bars. In gay bars. Yeah. Don't do that. Just go places where there's straight guys who like you and try not to be angry.

36:49🔗 Okay.

36:50🔗 Adam Are you gothy? You're dressing black?

36:52🔗 No, I'm not a goth. I dress weird, but it's kind of normal.

36:57🔗 Adam Well, don't dress weird. You're freaking everyone out.

36:59🔗 Guest Oh, weird can be good.

37:00🔗 Adam Yeah. It's good on you. It's not good on Lily. Lily, get some regular nail polish. You're wearing black stuff or is there like a...

37:07🔗 Green.

37:07🔗 Adam Unicorns painted on there or anything ridiculous?

37:10🔗 I don't know. I just like the regular girls out in the Bay Area.

37:14🔗 Adam Okay. All right. Well, good. Now hang out with some regular guys and you'll be fine.

37:18🔗 Okay. You guys are my hero and you guys rock and I love you guys to death.

37:22🔗 Adam Thanks, Lily.

37:23🔗 Bye, Lily.

37:24🔗 Adam Call us back when you get that new boyfriend.

37:26🔗 Okay. Adam Carolla, are you single? No. No?

37:30🔗 Drew Well, you have that list for 18 year olds. She's coming up on 18.

37:34🔗 Adam I did say that I would and I agreed when my wife agreed with this, that if you were a virgin until you're 18, I could turn you out. Are you a virgin, Lily?

37:45🔗 Yeah.

37:47🔗 Adam When's your 18th birthday?

37:48🔗 November 15th.

37:51🔗 Drew You have a date open then?

37:51🔗 Adam I'll put you on the list.

37:52🔗 Drew Okay.

37:53🔗 Adam Yeah.

37:53🔗 I'll be on the list?

37:54🔗 Adam Yeah. I'll put you on the list. I can't guarantee I can get you on your birthday.

37:59🔗 Okay. Then everything is cool. I love you. You guys rock.

38:02🔗 Adam Okay. I'll see you probably the 19th or 20th.

38:05🔗 Then it's a date.

38:06🔗 Adam All right. Make your moms out of house and chill some champagne.

38:12🔗 All right.

38:12🔗 Drew He's 18 at 21.

38:14🔗 Adam Oh, but no, for me.

38:15🔗 Drew That's for you.

38:15🔗 Adam Yeah.

38:16🔗 Drew You're Madison again.

38:17🔗 Adam You're Madison. I like to take the edge off. So, you know, obviously I've been traveling.

38:22🔗 Guest Teaching about safe sex and how to drink responsibly all in one swoop.

38:25🔗 Adam That's right. That's right.

38:26🔗 Guest Admirable pursuit.

38:27🔗 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

38:29🔗 Drew I love, you remind me of something.

38:30🔗 Adam Maggie, what's your birthday, by the way?

38:32🔗 Guest September 21st.

38:33🔗 Okay.

38:34🔗 Adam Get you that. I can make, actually. Same day. Yes, Drew.

38:38🔗 Drew And how parents always talk. It just reminded me how they talk about, well, we're gonna teach our kids how to drink responsibly. I think like, is there any of your illegal acts you want to teach your kids how to do responsibly? They got it. It's illegal. It's illegal. Wherever they do it, it's illegal. Some other illegal acts we'd like to do. You were to give them some responsible illegal measures. Speeding, pot, anything else?

38:55🔗 Adam Yeah, they're cooking up a H. You don't want to get air in the syringe or anything. Call it an embolism, right?

39:01🔗 Drew You gotta get them to teach you responsibly.

39:03🔗 Adam Yeah, hit it with the gauze. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Drew, don't freak your kids out, by the way. You're gonna give them an eating disorder. You know what I mean?

39:12🔗 With what?

39:13🔗 Adam The booze and the studying and everything. So let them be kids. You know what I mean? They're gonna have like a Mickey's Big Mouth at the park.

39:20🔗 Drew Here's the reality.

39:21🔗 Adam Or 15 or 16. Come on, let them be kids.

39:25🔗 Drew I'm so intense already, they pick up on that. I'm busy telling them to calm down. Oh, you are?

39:30🔗 Adam Yeah, but you're gonna freak on them. What if you find a roach? What if you find a joint roach in like one of the back sacks at 15, 16?

39:40🔗 Guest Show them how to inhale responsibly?

39:41🔗 Drew Right, of course. What do you do with that? Here's the thing, I immediately get help.

39:46🔗 Adam You would get help?

39:46🔗 Drew Immediately.

39:47🔗 Adam You would get help?

39:47🔗 Drew I get assistance. But then I think to myself, huh, what if that's the right thing to do or just start setting limits and boundaries everywhere, and help.

39:54🔗 Adam Don't you think it would freak them out if you got help? Why don't you help them? That's what you do.

39:58🔗 Drew Because I'm the dad.

39:59🔗 Guest Oh, it's way too close to this issue.

40:00🔗 Adam Too close?

40:01🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:01🔗 Guest Oh, yeah. Can you imagine if your dad was a therapist?

40:05🔗 Adam My dad's a therapist, actually.

40:07🔗 Drew Look what will happen. Say no more. Say no more.

40:10🔗 Guest Well, wouldn't you resent him for approaching upon...

40:13🔗 Adam We don't talk. No, it would be weird. It's weird. I agree. But on the other hand, it's weird having some fat bald guy come in with a ponytail and start talking big calves and sandals. Don't hire that blowhard sober guy. December 26th, 1971, took my first sip of single malt scotch. I didn't care what it took at that point. Beautiful family, loving kids. I give it all away. It all went up my nose. There's nothing more important to me than the drug. April 15th, 1984. That's when the house caught on fire. Fell asleep with a tiparilla.

40:51🔗 Guest Been coming to meetings for 20 years, been sober for two hours.

40:55🔗 Adam But you know what? Tomorrow, tonight, later on tonight, I could go off at any time. I like that one. He's like, I've been sober for 126 years, but tomorrow, no guarantees. I got a pretty good feeling. You can't lift your arm anymore. I don't think you're going to be drinking.

41:11🔗 Drew On the other hand, I've seen some.

41:12🔗 Adam Really? What is it about sober guys that turns them into blow hearts?

41:18🔗 Drew Those usually aren't very sober guys.

41:20🔗 Adam Oh, really? Not? They're not sober guys?

41:22🔗 Drew The blow hard narcissist convincing everyone of their sobriety. Not usually that sober.

41:26🔗 Where's my bourbon?

41:28🔗 Drew I can promise you this.

41:29🔗 Adam I like that.

41:29🔗 Drew All that massaging their sobriety may help keep them sober, but that's not true sobriety.

41:34🔗 Adam I like when they do this one. It'd be easy for me to come up here and lie to you, but I'm not going to do it. Really? Could you please lie or just leave? Or how about you lie and leave? Leave and lie. All the way out to the parking lot, just telling fables. Please, go. You know the guy I like, I was thinking about today? The blowhard traffic school instructor. When you get in a car accident, there's two collisions. First one is car with the other car. The second collision, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's your head hitting this, yeah, yeah, right, two collisions, got it. You know the person that said the same goddamn story a million times, you just want to stop them in the middle and just, you want to hit them with a dart-dipping curare in their neck and just have to fall over. Yeah, Drew, you do that. People, you could drive without seatbelts and you might make it to the store tomorrow, but I promise you that's fall over. Ian Somerhalder is here tonight along with Maggie Grace from Lost 8 p.m. ABC, Wednesday nights. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Well, he insisted on putting that in the opening, remember? We wanted to play some, I think, oh, wait a minute, this is Drew's song. Come on, Drew. Come on, you bust a groove or move or whatever you do. Come on, you ready, Drew? Drew does know the words to this one.

43:30🔗 Drew See if I can remember them.

43:31🔗 Adam No, you got them. Don't think. Let yourself go, brother.

43:33🔗 Drew He was accused I sues I'm views I queues I'm views I'm queues act, I sues my kizer. My kizer I z. It's all kizer. It's always like my kizer. It's always like my zoom, my z, my zoom, zoom z. You see, here you go. Doctor says I don't have a- Izzy.

43:52🔗 Adam And by the way, it's Martin Luther King Day. And a lot of guys just remain silent, but not Drew.

43:58🔗 Drew No, I busted out.

43:59🔗 Adam Drew steps up.

44:00🔗 Drew But why don't you got no play, playa?

44:01🔗 Adam Drew, please, let's keep going. Ian Somerhalder's here tonight. Maggie Grace here tonight from Lost.

44:07🔗 Drew You gotta get out there and get your big spunk drunk.

44:10🔗 Adam All right, all right. A little something from a little Crank Yankers episode Drew and I did a couple of years back. Wednesday Nights, Lost. Yeah. Crank Yankers. Oh yeah.

44:23🔗 Guest You haven't seen it?

44:25🔗 Adam Not seen it, Crank Yankers. Oh, it's puppets making prank phone calls. Yeah, you would enjoy it.

44:31🔗 Guest Nice.

44:31🔗 Adam Actual prank phone calls. When is the new episodes? Wednesday Nights, 9 o'clock. You watch Lost first and then you watch my...

44:40🔗 Guest No, then you gotta go to Alias. You have to get to Tivo Crank Yankers.

44:43🔗 Adam No, no, you Tivo Alias and you watch because you get to Twin Tivo and you watch the Crank Yankers on Comedy Central. Perfect. All right, you ready to rock here, Drew? Dave?

44:56🔗 Yeah.

44:57🔗 Adam 19?

44:58🔗 Yeah.

44:58🔗 What's up?

45:00🔗 Well, late in the past month or so, I've been having this... I'm taking a sharp pain in the base of my penis. And when I have sex with him, I mean, with her...

45:13🔗 Drew With him?

45:14🔗 Adam That's all right.

45:16🔗 Well, her. Let's just say her. Yeah. He gets to be the dude. Because I have a problem. I kind of feel insecure about the size that I have. And so I was told by a friend to wear one of those... Where are they? Those penis rings. That by wearing that at the base of my penis for an extended period of time will help increase size. Right. So I've been wearing it for the past month, like, all the time. Oh, really? Yeah. Since I started wearing it, I've been having sex. And right towards the end of sex and after sex, I get this sharp pain in the base of my penis.

45:54🔗 Adam Wait, hold on, hold on a second. I know C-Rings. Yeah. I mean, my grandfather was a pioneer.

46:01🔗 Drew Okay.

46:01🔗 Adam And after World War II, he was smuggled out of Germany to work on C-Rings.

46:07🔗 Drew I've heard of the Corolla C-Ring.

46:09🔗 Adam Yeah. And it's called the Philadelphia Project. And the point is the C-Ring snaps on after you get a wreck, but then when you become flaccid, it should just fall off you. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

46:22🔗 Drew We got to go back to where you can wear that. There's either something bogus about this call, but why would somebody wonder what the problem is if they're wearing something restricted.

46:29🔗 Adam Dave, please tell us this is bogus.

46:31🔗 No, because I was told to wear that because it would help increase size, because I was told it would capture or help me.

46:37🔗 Drew Yeah, okay. Well, now he's convinced me it's not bogus.

46:39🔗 Adam Oh, I am so sorry that I thought for a heartbeat this was a bogus call. I didn't know one of your retard buddies from junior college showed you where the C-rings would capture your essence. Yeah, this is bogus, Dave.

46:52🔗 I don't mean capture, but I'm saying after, when you get an erection, it entraps, like it holds more blood into the...

46:58🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, we understand the philosophy, yes. We understand the basic idea.

47:01🔗 I didn't know.

47:02🔗 Drew Hold on.

47:03🔗 Adam Hold on, Dave. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey there, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Ian Somerhalder's here tonight. Maggie Grace here tonight. They are the brother and sister from Lost, 8 o'clock, ABC, Wednesday night. Drew?

48:00🔗 Drew I'm just sorry the listener's gonna hear that rich enthusiasm that is pouring through the microphone from Anderson. Yeah.

48:06🔗 Guest Three, two, one.

48:09🔗 Adam Sometimes.

48:10🔗 Drew You wanna know why?

48:11🔗 Why?

48:11🔗 Drew Why?

48:11🔗 Caller Because I played that song, and Brian is off to my right singing and dancing to it, and it's very difficult to...

48:17🔗 Drew No, that's weird.

48:18🔗 Caller It's hard. It's hard.

48:20🔗 Drew We feel your pain.

48:21🔗 Caller What does this do?

48:21🔗 Adam Yeah. Please kickstart us, though, Anderson. Come on. I don't even get... The only reason I got in a radio is so I get that pointy finger through the glass. Gone.

48:30🔗 Caller Sometimes I get pumped up and I'll give it to you, and you're like, could you please keep it down?

48:34🔗 Adam No. Well, that's because when you pot yourself up and you're high and you start yelling into the mic, blow my eardrums out.

48:41🔗 Drew I'll still give you the finger, man.

48:43🔗 Adam Yeah. Do you do the point?

48:44🔗 Drew Just now? You get one?

48:45🔗 Caller I just did it.

48:46🔗 Guest I do it every time.

48:47🔗 Adam All right.

48:48🔗 Caller I'd point to the empty studio.

48:50🔗 Adam All right. April?

48:52🔗 Yes.

48:53🔗 Adam You're 24?

48:54🔗 Caller Yes.

48:55🔗 Adam What's up?

48:57🔗 Well, I'm-

48:58🔗 Adam Hold on a second. She was pregnant, she was abused. We're not talking about a wax? Yes, I want to talk about a Brazilian wax. This is not a carnauba wax or paste wax. We're not talking about waxing a minivan. We're talking about Brazilian wax. Brazil, where they invented waxes. Yeah, that's what we're talking about.

49:16🔗 Drew All right, Beth, what's up?

49:17🔗 Guest It can really help people.

49:18🔗 Adam Yeah.

49:19🔗 Hey, guys.

49:20🔗 Drew Hey there.

49:20🔗 Adam What's happening?

49:22🔗 Well, first, I have to say I really, really miss you guys. It's been almost a week. I'm from Maryland and no more HFS, no more Loveline.

49:29🔗 Drew Isn't that crazy?

49:30🔗 Adam Oh, they went to, like, pinata music.

49:33🔗 Yeah, Latin music.

49:35🔗 Adam That's awesome. All right, I'm moving to Canada. I don't know about you guys.

49:39🔗 So no more Adam and Drew for me, so.

49:42🔗 Drew Then we may turn up some, we may turn up on another station there, so.

49:45🔗 Adam Well, you can find us online somewhere, right?

49:47🔗 Yeah, there's a stream somewhere.

49:49🔗 I just don't know where.

49:49🔗 Adam Yeah, I think 91X.

49:50🔗 Drew 91X.

49:51🔗 Adam Do you want to say that?

49:51🔗 Drew Yes.

49:52🔗 Adam All right. 91X, our affiliate out of, ironically out of San Diego, which is right next to Mexico, streams us on the worldwide web. Go ahead, Beth.

50:03🔗 Okay. So I got a Brazilian, and I'm really pleased with the results, but I'm not breaking out or anything like I thought I would, but the skin on the surface is really sensitive.

50:16🔗 Adam What's involved with a Brazilian wax?

50:19🔗 Well, it's similar to a gynecological exam almost.

50:25🔗 Adam What was the nationality of the woman that did you? Something other than white, right?

50:29🔗 She was Russian, yeah.

50:30🔗 Caller Russian?

50:32🔗 Adam Yeah, thick accent.

50:33🔗 Yeah, very thick.

50:35🔗 Adam You turn over now. Spread cheek. It's good. Use popsicle stick, rub. Rub on goose. I'd be smoking. Call me when dry. Bite wooden spoon. I yank, I pull now. Don't cry like girl. Is that basically what it was?

50:51🔗 Guest You're enjoying the scenario entirely too much.

50:55🔗 Caller That's what it was.

50:56🔗 Adam Yeah, stuff newspaper in there so none gets inside. I know how it works. Yeah, here's the thing. Maybe she's calling from Maryland. Maybe they have Russian women. Here we have Asian women, but you can't have just like one of your mom's friends. You have to have a crazy accent, otherwise it's too intrusive. Like someone is spreading your ass cheeks and dumping candle wax in it. You can't just have some chick named Cheryl from Wisconsin. There you go. Spread the cheeks. Hi, sweetie. How you doing? Oh, you're from Lost. I love that show. Could you? I got a 12-year-old son.

51:31🔗 Drew Cindy, Cindy.

51:33🔗 Adam Geraldine, come in here.

51:35🔗 Caller This is the sister.

51:36🔗 Adam Not the, no, not the convict. Over, for the love of Pete. Just, sweetie, I'm sorry.

51:44🔗 Could you sign?

51:45🔗 Adam Sweetie, I have a nephew. He has a thyroid problem. He's being medicated. He's being medicated. Please, the wait is coming up.

51:53🔗 Would you please leave?

51:54🔗 Adam You're making things worse. Sweetie, he is a virgin. He's clean. He's purest of driven snow. He's great. He's just out from Wisconsin. He's getting some extra work. It'd be fantastic if I could hook you two up. Now, you can't have that when someone's between your legs. You have to have the crazy Asian nationality. And beyond Japanese or Chinese, a crazy deep Chinese question.

52:16🔗 Drew The real comedy is that's the conversation they're having. It's just, it's in Cambodia.

52:19🔗 Adam Same, oh, it's in Cambodia, right, right. Or the thick Middle Eastern, Eastern Bloc, you know, Iron Curtain thing. Whatever it is, they can't register as a full human being to you. Otherwise, it's way too intrusive. I figured all this out, Drew. I know how it works.

52:32🔗 Drew No, I know how you are. Yeah, when you get your waxes, I understand.

52:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

52:35🔗 Drew You just insist on wax.

52:35🔗 Adam Get a wax. It takes six weeks.

52:38🔗 Drew Bad team of Russian women.

52:41🔗 How many Russian women does it take?

52:43🔗 Adam The Russian circus comes in and just, yeah.

52:48🔗 Drew All right, Beth, what's the question?

52:49🔗 Well, my question is for Drew that is there any like certain kind of like lotion or medicated lotion I could put on my skin because it's a sensitive area? It's not, it's the surface. It's not like down where all the, you know, girl piece stuff is.

53:06🔗 Drew The girl piece. Yeah.

53:08🔗 Adam What do they let you wear, by the way? I want to know what you wear.

53:11🔗 Drew Hang on, Beth. I want to see some like 1% hydrocortisone cream, cord-aid, something like that over the counter.

53:17🔗 Okay.

53:17🔗 Drew Okay, that's all.

53:18🔗 Adam Do you wear your bikini?

53:20🔗 They give you like a paper thing with...

53:23🔗 Drew Newspaper, like you said.

53:24🔗 Yeah, they pull it to the side, to either side and just go for it.

53:29🔗 Adam Wow. I mean, you're really up in there.

53:31🔗 Yeah.

53:32🔗 Adam And it's a decent, well, if you're a lesbian, it's a great, it's like ice cream taster or something. I mean, think about it, because who gets bikini waxes? You know, your fat menopausal women or you know what I mean? Like hot, young bikini chicks.

53:49🔗 Drew Oh, there is not, there's not a 19 year old male doing that job anywhere in the world.

53:54🔗 Adam I just thought of a great scam. We do it sort of like, okay, they do these movies like when they did white chicks. Or Tootsie.

54:01🔗 Drew This is the new Tootsie.

54:02🔗 Adam I passed myself off as Helga, heavy set Russian woman. I get the padding, the prosthetic.

54:09🔗 Drew Mrs. Doubtfire.

54:11🔗 Adam Mrs. Doubtfire.

54:12🔗 Guest By the way, guys, we're going to read about this in Newsweek next month. I'm telling you.

54:16🔗 Adam So I'm just going to take this idea and run. And I just show up and I got the whole prosthetics. Yes, the old Mrs. Doubtfire thing, but I play the Eastern black woman and I fall in love with a young bikini model.

54:27🔗 Drew But it's got to be Antics and Sue of all the crazy.

54:29🔗 Guest Maybe Maggie could play her in the movie.

54:31🔗 Adam Maggie, you could play the young bikini model I fall in love with as Helga. And you're strangely attracted to me for no good reason.

54:39🔗 Drew And it's unsettling to you. It's very bizarre. You have to talk to your friends about it.

54:42🔗 Adam You find yourself saying, and you're dating some-

54:44🔗 Guest You're sexually confused.

54:45🔗 Guest You can't figure out the hairy hands.

54:46🔗 Adam You're dating some hot shot, hunky Hollywood type. Oh yeah, it's like Ian over here. But it's like he's always looking in the mirror. You're always looking in the mirror and you find yourself saying-

54:56🔗 Guest Ian, really?

54:56🔗 Adam Yeah, you find yourself saying things like Helga says, and your friend's like, who is this Helga? Can you stop talking about Helga? And for some reason, you have some sort of genetic problem where your pubic hair grows at an amazing rate. And you have to go back twice a week.

55:10🔗 Drew Twice a week back to see Helga. Let's let's how would that interaction go, Helga?

55:15🔗 Caller Oh, you're back. This is so good.

55:18🔗 Adam You're so beautiful. Put the plastic panties on. Oh, wait a minute. Turn Middle Eastern.

55:24🔗 Guest You sounded like indeterminate.

55:25🔗 Drew It's not a Zanku chicken. Yeah, you're right.

55:28🔗 Adam You're right. I have to I have to I have to get more more Eastern block.

55:32🔗 Caller Yeah, you're put.

55:33🔗 Adam No, no way. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. You put the plastic panties on. Yeah, but that sounds like a guy.

55:39🔗 Guest Maggie does.

55:40🔗 Adam I got to go down.

55:41🔗 Guest Very a very good Eastern European accent.

55:43🔗 Do you do you make indeterminate Eastern European?

55:46🔗 Adam Maybe you could play her and I'll play the hot bikini.

55:49🔗 Guest Wait, I played the man posing as a Russian woman. I don't know.

55:52🔗 Adam This is Oscar material. She's telling me play a man posing as a woman who's actually a woman in real life as an actress. I play and this is where I get my Golden Globe. I played the hot young blonde bikini model.

56:06🔗 Guest I would love to see that.

56:07🔗 Adam That would be awesome.

56:08🔗 Guest It's just the kind of multi-layered role I was looking for.

56:09🔗 Adam Your role doesn't change, neither does your motivation, by the way. I'm just saying you have to go to somebody. I imagine I don't want to put you on the spot, Maggie, but I imagine if you're doing a beach show, you got to get one of these things, right?

56:22🔗 Guest One would imagine.

56:23🔗 Adam And I would also imagine that the person had an accent, yes?

56:29🔗 Guest A Hawaiian accent, probably.

56:30🔗 Adam Oh, really? 600-pound woman called Neil Howley.

56:37🔗 Guest If you want the details, you just watch the Sex and the City episode about it and you'll get way too much information.

56:42🔗 Adam I tell you, I would love to get this gig. Even just working the desk would be good. Beth?

56:48🔗 Yeah?

56:49🔗 Adam All right, so they gave you bikini wax and you can rub the hydrocortisone on there now, right?

56:54🔗 Caller Yeah, okay, I'll try.

56:55🔗 Adam You'll recover, right? Yeah.

56:57🔗 Oh, yeah, I'm definitely going back in for another one.

56:59🔗 Caller It's very cute.

57:01🔗 Adam All right. How much does it cost?

57:03🔗 Caller About $60 and you got to tip them really good too, so.

57:07🔗 Drew Because, you know, they just...

57:09🔗 Adam Yeah.

57:09🔗 Guest Otherwise, they might leave the spot.

57:10🔗 Guest That's a procedure you really would probably want to tip well.

57:13🔗 Adam True. How does the...

57:14🔗 Drew I think I said tipping had to do with food.

57:17🔗 Guest How does...

57:17🔗 Adam What's that?

57:18🔗 Drew You decided the tipping has to do with things you eat.

57:21🔗 Adam Well, it has to do with... Bikini wax. It has to. I would eat that when I came off the right girl.

57:27🔗 Drew Okay. There you go.

57:29🔗 Adam Big air ball. Drew, what do they do with that stuff, by the way? It's kind of medical waste, you know?

57:34🔗 Guest It almost should be incinerated from Fight Club.

57:36🔗 Drew Yeah, I don't know if they have any regulation on that. They might.

57:38🔗 Adam If you're a weird dude, you'd hang out by the dumpster. No, I say...

57:42🔗 Guest Don't be giving people ideas.

57:43🔗 Drew This is another episode.

57:45🔗 Adam I'm a weird dude. Yeah, I'm a weird dude.

57:47🔗 Guest You're going to have a sudden influx of what do you call it? Parts, spas, all losers. Splosers, losers, losers. Yes, hang out by the dumpsters and they're going to trace it back to you.

57:56🔗 Adam Yeah, got part of Pam Anderson's patch here. Sell it out. You'd end up on eBay in a heartbeat.

58:03🔗 Guest No, no, no, no, no, no. Cancel, cancel, cancel.

58:06🔗 Adam Baiting through the roof. Jen?

58:08🔗 Yeah.

58:09🔗 Adam You're 19?

58:10🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

58:11🔗 Adam What's up?

58:13🔗 Caller Hi. I was calling because I've heard you guys, I'm a stripper. I was curious to know, I hear you guys talking about strippers and that. I wanted to know your guys' stance on that and considering my age, I hear you guys talking about, you were comparing earlier tonight about how straight girls that like gay guys are compared to guys who date strippers. And I don't know what you mean.

58:39🔗 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no.

58:41🔗 Adam No, there's something, yeah, but it's unavailable, essentially. But here's the thing, Jen. First off, a lot of people don't realize there's shades of gray.

58:51🔗 Drew In the stripping area.

58:52🔗 Adam In the sexuality area. I mean, you got your bikini models. That's fine. Then you go topless. All right, you got some problems. Now you're totally nude. That's the situation. Then you're doing bachelor parties. Now you got someone who's, you know, abused. And then you got porn. And then there's all variations of that. Eventually, you get to publicist. That means you're the worst or the worst society has to offer.

59:14🔗 Caller What I was asking was, I wanted to see, like, how you feel about guys dating strippers. Like if you think strippers can actually have, like, a real relationship.

59:23🔗 Adam I lived with a stripper for, like, a year.

59:26🔗 Caller Oh, really?

59:27🔗 Adam It was good. It was great.

59:29🔗 Caller Awesome.

59:30🔗 Caller Fantastic.

59:31🔗 Adam Yeah, she was a delight. She was from England, though, so she was, you know...

59:35🔗 Drew She smacked you in the face.

59:37🔗 Adam She punched me because I, like, got drunk after a softball game that got cancelled. That's all. I was glad. I was loaded. I was in my cleats. I went to bed in my hero form. It was awesome.

59:47🔗 Caller Soccer in the face. I'm sorry. I know a lot of guys have given me hard times in the past for my job and won't consider dating me because of my job.

59:57🔗 Drew Here's the other thing. Once the guys that are okay with it, once they become your boyfriend, will suddenly want you to stop doing this.

1:00:03🔗 Adam Yeah. That's what happens.

1:00:05🔗 Caller Well, I've had a serious boyfriend that has been able to accept it and everyone says, well, he wants your money.

1:00:13🔗 Drew He is suspect. We immediately don't trust that guy.

1:00:16🔗 Adam Most guys who are sincere about a woman do not want to see her go off to work every night and take her clothes off. It's a turn on for the first eight to 14 years. It eventually gets tiring. No, it's a turn on for a little while, but then they got to stop. But then there's conflict because you're bringing home 300 bucks cash every night and he gets you a gig working as a receptionist at a dentist office. We're making nine bucks an hour and they're taking taxes out and now you're pissed at him because you don't have any money. It's getting a little cathartic there, by the way.

1:00:51🔗 Drew I noticed that.

1:00:52🔗 Caller I lied. I want the guys to understand that it's something that I have to do right now. It's not something I choose to do.

1:00:58🔗 Caller It's what I have to do right now for cash.

1:00:59🔗 Adam You're forced by the government to strip. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the guys you see cleaning up on the side of the freeway. They're forced to. They're not there because they hate garbage. There's community service to do. You have to get in 2,500 hours of taking your clothes off and then you're square. It's either that or you got to wear that home arrest bracelet around your boob. That's a boob one they use. And you have to stay in the apartment all day. Yeah, I know. It's like me with killing hookers. I don't want to.

1:01:25🔗 Drew You just have to. I have to.

1:01:27🔗 Adam Yeah. I need to be stopped before I kill again.

1:01:29🔗 Drew So, Jim, what's the point here?

1:01:32🔗 Caller What's that?

1:01:33🔗 Drew What's the point? What are you getting at?

1:01:34🔗 Adam I want to know what my point is.

1:01:36🔗 Caller Well, I was curious to know your stance. So, obviously-

1:01:39🔗 Adam Why do you have to strip?

1:01:41🔗 Caller Well, I got kicked out of my house when I was 18, and I was pretty much living in my car, and then my car got totaled, and after a while, I was overstaying my welcome at friend's house, and then I need to get out on my own, and that was the only thing that I could think of that would make money that fast to where I could get an apartment and a car within a month.

1:01:59🔗 Adam How much money do you make on a good night?

1:02:02🔗 Caller On a good night, two grand. Sometimes, now it's starting to break down. I usually make 500 to a grand a night, and I work three days a week.

1:02:13🔗 Adam And in cash, and you get to leave when you want, right?

1:02:17🔗 Caller No, actually my club's really strict. They keep you there, and you have to pay a fine to leave. It's like $100 on the weekends and $50 on the weekdays, $200 on holidays.

1:02:28🔗 Drew This is one of the issues in getting stuck into this lifestyle is that it becomes addictive and alluring from the money, too. It's hard to break out of it.

1:02:36🔗 Adam It gets dark if you leave early.

1:02:39🔗 Drew So she really likes you if she leaves with the early items. Wow.

1:02:41🔗 Adam See, yeah, I have this stereo shirt, Ian, which is... You always know when strippers like you because you go, what time do you get off of work? And they go, I can leave whenever I want. That means they're in you.

1:02:53🔗 Drew That's the only thing I find.

1:02:55🔗 Guest Now I know this.

1:02:57🔗 Adam Yeah, you probably did know that. But if they say, I can leave whenever, that means they're ready to go. If they go like, what Well, my boyfriend gives one honk off. He has a lift kit on his F250. Anyway, gives one honk on the young Uncle Henry Hoogahorn about four in the morning and I come running out. He's got a Rottweiler. He's with throat in the back. It's a super cap. That means you're not getting late. But if they do that, well, whatever. I can do whatever I want. The next one is, we got a party. You know what I'm saying?

1:03:26🔗 Guest Yeah. Yeah.

1:03:28🔗 Adam Just tell me.

1:03:28🔗 Guest It's a very Vegas-y thing.

1:03:29🔗 Adam It's a Vegas-y thing.

1:03:30🔗 Guest It's a Vegas-y thing.

1:03:31🔗 Guest Vegas-y. Just coin that word.

1:03:33🔗 Adam Yeah. Vegas-ask.

1:03:34🔗 Drew That's where Adam learned this technique.

1:03:36🔗 Adam Learn this technique in Vegas, yeah. You learn a lot in Vegas. You really do. It's not all just in those books that tell you how to play 21. You gotta hit the streets. Learn on your own. Yes, sir.

1:03:46🔗 Drew Here we go.

1:03:47🔗 Adam Where are we talking?

1:03:47🔗 Drew Break it down.

1:03:48🔗 Adam Jen? I'm not done with Jen.

1:03:49🔗 Drew I know you're not.

1:03:50🔗 Adam Jen, $2,000 a night?

1:03:53🔗 Caller On some nights, yeah.

1:03:54🔗 Adam On a good night? Yeah. And what is it on creepy Arab night, by the way? It's two grand. Let's face it, I know what you guys are thinking.

1:04:03🔗 Caller We get a lot of those.

1:04:04🔗 Adam I know what you're thinking.

1:04:06🔗 Drew You're in Garden Grove. Where's your club?

1:04:07🔗 Caller No, no, no, no, no. I live in Santa Ana. I live in Huntington.

1:04:11🔗 Adam Does it have a ridiculous, novelty, insulting name like Bob's Classy Lady or Thirsty's or something?

1:04:18🔗 Caller It's a drug, actually. It's ecstasy.

1:04:20🔗 Adam Oh, ecstasy. So it's just topless?

1:04:24🔗 Caller No, no, it's fully nude.

1:04:25🔗 Adam Fully nude?

1:04:26🔗 Drew Yeah. We didn't establish that name.

1:04:28🔗 Caller Oh, I thought she sort of said she meant 18 and over is fully nude because they don't serve alcohol and 21 and over is topless.

1:04:35🔗 Adam So no booze. How much is a lap dance?

1:04:38🔗 Caller 50 bucks for one song. What? Yeah.

1:04:40🔗 Adam What am I, one of the Rockefellers?

1:04:43🔗 Caller Because they're fully nude dances.

1:04:45🔗 Adam How about you put that napkin that the Vietnamese chick gives you at the Pinky Cheeks and it's back down to 20.

1:04:55🔗 Guest How about that? You have had them done.

1:04:57🔗 Adam Pinky Cheeks.

1:04:58🔗 Drew That's the name of the film.

1:04:58🔗 Guest You do get them.

1:04:59🔗 Drew That's the movie.

1:05:00🔗 Adam Pinky Cheeks. I'm Pinky Cheeks.

1:05:02🔗 Guest Oh, you guys better write a treatment right away.

1:05:04🔗 Drew Okay, immediately.

1:05:05🔗 Guest Get your names.

1:05:05🔗 Drew Someone's going to steal this. Pinky Cheeks.

1:05:09🔗 Guest You heard it here first folks.

1:05:10🔗 Adam Oh, Pinky Cheeks. That's my name.

1:05:12🔗 Drew That's the film I have to see. Oh yeah.

1:05:17🔗 Adam So Jen, you're totally nude. It's 50 bucks a lap dance.

1:05:20🔗 Guest We'll be there in 10 minutes.

1:05:21🔗 Adam Yeah. How many lap dances do you average on an evening?

1:05:26🔗 Caller Average, averaging about like 10 to 20 on a normal night, 20 to 30 on a good night.

1:05:33🔗 Adam Good night. And a creepy Arab guy night? 30 to 40?

1:05:37🔗 Drew I said it's still not too grand.

1:05:39🔗 Caller Yeah. A lot of the guys sometimes they come in there and they'll just hand you money and they won't even dance with you. They'll say, hey, here's 500 bucks. You're beautiful. And they'll walk out.

1:05:48🔗 Adam Wow.

1:05:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:49🔗 Adam They're partying with those guys.

1:05:51🔗 Caller It's a classy club, so.

1:05:52🔗 Adam 500, I want to anal. That's my policy, Drew. I know. I know. I'm blessed.

1:05:56🔗 Drew You've always said that.

1:05:57🔗 Adam You've always said that.

1:05:59🔗 Drew I mean, you're an old fashioned guy.

1:06:00🔗 Adam That's my thing.

1:06:00🔗 Drew 500.

1:06:01🔗 Adam You should have asked for 450. It would have been cool. Just a handshake as soon as it gets passed.

1:06:06🔗 Caller A 50th song, it's not even a full song though. It's like two minutes, right?

1:06:09🔗 Adam Yeah. And by the way, who are they kidding over there? That they'll take, like, Enigada de Vita and get it down to minute 29. They really will. Like, they cut those songs. I'm going to look into that. I'm going to do some. I'll get my investigative team over there.

1:06:23🔗 Guest Yeah, they'll probably edit it.

1:06:32🔗 Drew What's your name at the club?

1:06:33🔗 Adam Crystal coming to the stage.

1:06:36🔗 Guys, quit your credit, drop your limits.

1:06:40🔗 Adam Becky, stage five, stage five. I like they do a little air traffic, too. They're moving around. Business man's lunch. Creepy Arab guy night, Monday night. Open buffet. Jen, what is your stripper name? Cass? That's the other thing. When the stripper gives you her real name. That's a big... That's huge. Here's what scoring is with the stripper. When you get the real name and I get to leave whenever. You get the real name and I get to leave whenever. Pow.

1:07:12🔗 Drew Is it polite to ask for the real name? Kiss on the lips as well. Do you ask for the real name?

1:07:16🔗 Adam No. Well, you could. I think you could.

1:07:18🔗 Drew There's a break in the Geneva Convention.

1:07:19🔗 Adam How good are you feeling? You know what I mean?

1:07:21🔗 Drew How confident? If they give you a name because you asked, is that the same as if it's offered?

1:07:25🔗 Adam I don't know. Jen, Jen, what's your policy on the real name?

1:07:29🔗 Caller I wouldn't... I don't normally tell a guy my real name just because of the whole creepy stalker factor. Right.

1:07:35🔗 Adam But what if a guy came in like Drew? Glass is all fogged up. Medically induced boner. Yeah. Drew, you're an older man.

1:07:47🔗 Drew I'm a rapist.

1:07:49🔗 Adam Drew, please, let her finish.

1:07:51🔗 Caller I dance for 80, 90 year old men who look like they're gonna die below me and they start pinching my cheeks, telling me how darn cute I am.

1:07:58🔗 Adam Really?

1:07:59🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, I dance with them all from...

1:08:02🔗 Drew Doesn't that, Jen, doesn't that distort and affect your feeling about men?

1:08:08🔗 Adam Oh, yes.

1:08:09🔗 Caller Yes. Very, very much so. I've looked at guys completely different from me.

1:08:13🔗 Adam Yeah. You love them even more now, right?

1:08:15🔗 Caller No, no.

1:08:16🔗 Drew Shocking. What tends to happen is you start feeling resentful towards men and hating them for participating in this whole thing and getting kind of grossed out by them.

1:08:25🔗 Caller I understand. I understand how white guys would go. I mean, it's just for fun, but I mean, when guys get really serious into it, it's a little creepy.

1:08:34🔗 Adam All right. I don't want to cross the line here. But I think I did with the anal comment, so I'm cool.

1:08:40🔗 Caller Not at all.

1:08:41🔗 Guest The line's a little behind you.

1:08:42🔗 Adam I'm just, yeah, it's a little, it's a little south of where I am right now.

1:08:45🔗 Drew Where are you going now?

1:08:46🔗 Adam I'm, I'm, what? I was surprised. I was surprised to hear that a fair amount of guys had an orgasm during a lap dance. Yeah. Really? Yes. Yes, I've never been able to pull this off.

1:08:57🔗 Drew Very common.

1:08:58🔗 Adam Is that weird? Very common. What percentage, by the way? And don't tell me 50 percent.

1:09:03🔗 Caller Oh my God, you would be surprised. There's actually guys who wear condoms under their pants so that they don't burst all over their pants.

1:09:10🔗 Adam True.

1:09:10🔗 Drew How do you know that?

1:09:11🔗 Caller That's why, because we look at the trash cans when they come out, like the... Oh, wow. You'll find condoms...

1:09:19🔗 Drew This is way too much information.

1:09:20🔗 Adam No, it is not. Drew, how dare you run from the truth? You're a physician. You're supposed to seek the truth. So, you think it's half the guys...

1:09:28🔗 Drew You can't handle the truth.

1:09:29🔗 Adam You think it's half the guys? Is that common?

1:09:32🔗 Caller Yeah, very much so. I've had guys who say they're going to dance with me all night and then I get them back there for one dance. I don't even do anything, like anything, like touching, whatever. I don't ever do anything like that. But just like rubbing, you know, like rubbing the leg.

1:09:45🔗 Adam I heard this. I was shocked.

1:09:47🔗 Drew Well, that's touching. You're touching them there.

1:09:49🔗 Adam Well, they're rubbing. Yeah, they're...

1:09:51🔗 Drew They're rubbing themselves?

1:09:51🔗 Adam No, they're having... She's having contact on their genitalia. Yeah. That's enough for a passionate man like Drew. I like the preloaded condom.

1:10:02🔗 Drew That's interesting.

1:10:03🔗 Adam Yeah. And how do you keep it on? I mean, you get it on when you're flaccid, and then you got to use like a popsicle stick to shove yourself into this condom. How does that work? Yeah, and then you just have like a piece of elastic with a couple of alligator clips on it, you wrap it around it and snap it onto the end. Like, whoa.

1:10:21🔗 Guest You've given this a lot of thought.

1:10:22🔗 Adam I really have.

1:10:23🔗 Guest You do it that too.

1:10:24🔗 Adam I have a garter. I'm wearing one now.

1:10:26🔗 Oh, I got to change it.

1:10:29🔗 Adam We got to go to breakthrough. I got to change. I got to talk to you in the bathroom. Pronto. Pronto. You understand? Yeah, let's go.

1:10:35🔗 Drew Come on.

1:10:35🔗 Adam Bring the wet naps. Ian and Maggie, both here tonight.

1:10:38🔗 Drew Go to Pinky Cheeks on the way.

1:10:39🔗 Adam Go to Pinky Cheeks from Lost. All right. I wasn't done with Jen. It's shocking how many guys...

1:10:46🔗 Drew She said more than half.

1:10:48🔗 Adam Crazy, right? You know what? I'm like disgusted by those guys, but I'm sort of jealous. Well, because... let me just say this. First off, a guy who can go in there and have an orgasm can have a couple of lap dances, and then it's like, this is gross.

1:11:05🔗 Drew Oh, God, I got to go home.

1:11:06🔗 Adam What am I thinking? Never again. Never again. A guy who never has an orgasm...

1:11:11🔗 Drew Can't get to that point. The disgusting point.

1:11:13🔗 Adam It's infinite, right? As long as there's an ATM in there and the drinks are flowing, it's never going to end, right?

1:11:18🔗 Drew I guess you're right.

1:11:19🔗 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:11:30🔗 Hey, everybody.

1:11:32🔗 Adam Back with Loveline, Maggie Grace here tonight, Ian Somerhalder here tonight as well, from Lost, Wednesday Nights, 8 o'clock, ABC. Yes, Drew?

1:11:42🔗 Drew ABC, yes, Adam.

1:11:43🔗 Adam Yes.

1:11:45🔗 Drew Good to have you. Should we talk to Janet Gilmore or are you done with her?

1:11:47🔗 Adam Nah, I think I'm done.

1:11:48🔗 Guest Jen, change your name at the club. You're gonna have like 5,000 men there tonight.

1:11:52🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:11:52🔗 Caller I'm sorry, what?

1:11:54🔗 Adam Yeah, you gotta change your stripper name. No, seriously, John.

1:11:57🔗 Guest It's a very large syndicated show. It's security questionable.

1:12:02🔗 Adam All right, are you working tonight, Jen? No. Okay. Once you're working, that's good times.

1:12:07🔗 Guest Have a nice night.

1:12:08🔗 Adam Yeah, and here's the thing. Here's the thing too, how do you get, now these people, they're 19, they got a semester of junior college under their belt. They're making a thousand bucks a night. Cash, they work three nights a week. How are you supposed to convince them to take some $10 an hour gig?

1:12:24🔗 Drew Plus the allure of the arousal and the reenactment of all the stuff we talked about earlier, they're attracted to that stuff. It's very difficult to get them out of that. It's not usually the up to the bottom, like an alcoholic, these things start happening. Bad things.

1:12:37🔗 Adam Drew and I having a spirited debate over a nice whiz session in the bathroom about how a guy gets a condom on when he's flaccid. Drew had a very interesting hypothesis, yes, Drew?

1:12:48🔗 Drew Yes.

1:12:48🔗 Adam Chubbing up and then putting the thing on in the bathroom?

1:12:51🔗 Drew It must be that.

1:12:53🔗 Guest Otherwise, you can't get it on.

1:12:55🔗 Adam You can't get it on, can you?

1:12:56🔗 Guest No.

1:12:58🔗 Drew They can stay on after it goes down, they can kind of stay in there.

1:13:01🔗 Adam But like taking a piece of yarn and trying to thread it through a needle, it's just not going to work.

1:13:06🔗 Drew From like a foot away.

1:13:08🔗 Adam Well, for me, about a foot away.

1:13:10🔗 Drew Not quite happy with it yet.

1:13:12🔗 Adam Thanks for the foot, nobody. Appreciate that. Foot away.

1:13:17🔗 Drew I wasn't thinking about you.

1:13:18🔗 Adam Okay. All right. Drew, passionate man. People don't realize that Drew is a very passionate man. Maggie, are you picking up on Drew's passion?

1:13:27🔗 Guest I think that monotone is a little cover for the surging fire underneath.

1:13:34🔗 Adam Yes. Yes. There's this smoldering volcano of passion and we're ready to erupt at any moment.

1:13:39🔗 Drew Unfortunately, Maggie's sarcasm wasn't a cover for anything.

1:13:42🔗 Guest It generally is not.

1:13:44🔗 Adam Steven?

1:13:46🔗 Yeah.

1:13:46🔗 Adam You're 18?

1:13:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:48🔗 Adam What's up?

1:13:50🔗 Caller Hey, I just wanted to say that you're a genius. I want to know, how do I get into the radio business?

1:13:57🔗 Obviously, you know something about that.

1:14:00🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, not really. I mean, I got into the radio business through a very unconventional manner.

1:14:05🔗 Drew I think a lot of people do it with the radio.

1:14:07🔗 Adam Most people do. Jimmy Kimmel was doing the morning show, and I was working as a boxing trainer and a trainer in the box for some morning event. We made friends and he got me on the radio. God bless him. I now repay him by going to his house every Sunday, watching football, drinking his beer, and eating his food. That's how generous I am. I give back. I give back. And so, okay, you should intern. You should go to whatever the local radio station is and just go there, start driving the van, start interning.

1:14:38🔗 Caller All we have here in Tucson is ranchero music.

1:14:41🔗 Drew No, that's not true.

1:14:42🔗 Adam No.

1:14:43🔗 Drew But here's the deal. Tucson, unfortunately, is too big a market for you. You got to go to some little tiny market somewhere.

1:14:48🔗 Adam Really?

1:14:49🔗 Drew Yeah, find your way on to like-

1:14:50🔗 Adam I started in Los Angeles.

1:14:51🔗 Drew I know, so did I, but this was in the days when you could do that, is that you can't do that anymore. No, true, true.

1:14:56🔗 Adam I believe they were listening to an old Zenith when you were on the air.

1:14:59🔗 Drew You started like AM I started in LA, though.

1:15:02🔗 Adam This is the voice-

1:15:04🔗 Drew Voice of America.

1:15:05🔗 Adam Yes, to all the ships at sea. Yeah, brought to you by Chesterfield for the cool, smooth smoke. Mmm, Chesterfield.

1:15:15🔗 Guest Was your job to like make the sound effects in the background of the live play?

1:15:21🔗 Adam He would shake the sheet metal for the thunder. A horrible storm rored outside the universe. Yeah, no, Drew, this is not the Dumont Network.

1:15:29🔗 Drew No, I understand. But Stephen, the, everyone I see that gets on radio now does it for free for a while in some tiny little market. Usually in the late night slot they figure out some kind of show and they develop an audience and a program and they throw the tape around and they move to larger markets.

1:15:42🔗 Adam You don't have to figure out a kind of show. Just get in at the radio station.

1:15:45🔗 Drew But eventually you get on the air somewhere. It's not going to be in Tucson. It's actually too big for a radio market.

1:15:50🔗 Adam Really? Tucson is huge.

1:15:52🔗 Drew Unless you do a radio station. Unless you do a college radio station.

1:15:55🔗 Adam All right. What number of market do you think Tucson is? You have no idea.

1:16:00🔗 Drew I don't know, but I'm sure it's...

1:16:00🔗 Adam Top 20? Top 30.

1:16:03🔗 Drew Top 30 probably.

1:16:03🔗 Adam Well, here's the crazy thing. The markets go to like 500 or more. You think top 50 or something like that? Oh boy, we're huge in 178.

1:16:13🔗 Drew Right? Right.

1:16:14🔗 Adam Yeah. Chris, get on the computer. Find out what Tucson is, which market. All right, buddy? And this time tomorrow, we're going to need an answer. You understand? Okay. Chris, not fast. The computer's fast. Not Chris.

1:16:27🔗 Caller Leslie?

1:16:28🔗 Hi.

1:16:29🔗 Adam You're 26?

1:16:30🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:16:31🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:16:33🔗 Caller I'm calling you guys.

1:16:34🔗 Caller Actually, I listen to you guys in San Francisco.

1:16:35🔗 Caller But I'm in, actually, in Arizona now.

1:16:39🔗 Adam Great.

1:16:39🔗 Caller I'm happy to call you guys. But as far as it goes, I'm calling you guys regarding Viagra and what is age that you need to start using it, because my boyfriend, he's like 29.

1:16:51🔗 Adam Is that working?

1:16:52🔗 Caller Every time we have any kind of thing.

1:16:54🔗 Drew Why does he do that?

1:16:55🔗 Adam He uses it or he loses it?

1:16:57🔗 Drew He uses it every time they have sex.

1:16:59🔗 Caller Why?

1:17:00🔗 Drew Does he need to?

1:17:03🔗 Caller I didn't ask him that, but it seems like, yeah, I guess so. Because it seems like every time we're in any kind of romantic something, he's popping a pill.

1:17:14🔗 Drew You're fat.

1:17:14🔗 Adam True, please.

1:17:15🔗 Caller And I finally figured out what it was.

1:17:17🔗 Adam Maggie, you would take that as a slap in the face, right? I need to pop a Viagra before, you know, the Lacta.

1:17:23🔗 Caller I can't compare you guys' last conversation, but yeah, kind of.

1:17:27🔗 Adam You're insulted. He's a 30-year-old man.

1:17:29🔗 Caller I'm from California to Arizona, and I've only been here for three months now, and I kind of learned that just recently.

1:17:34🔗 Adam Well, here's the question. I know you sort of answered no, but was he having any difficulty in the erection department, which is right next to sporting goods, by the way?

1:17:44🔗 Caller Mom and I knew of, but we've only lived together, we've been dating for about a year. We've only lived together for three months.

1:17:51🔗 Adam All right, so you don't know if he was using this recreationally before this or something?

1:17:56🔗 Drew Before, actually, yeah. It is meant to be used exclusively for a political medical indications, medical reasons for erectile dysfunction, whether it's side effect from medication or blood sweat.

1:18:06🔗 Adam Well, it's how all drugs start, and then they start to find the good time people.

1:18:10🔗 Drew So we don't know the long term effects of people, young people without any medical problems using it over a long period of time. We have no idea.

1:18:17🔗 Adam In Drew's story, I disagree with Drew about almost everything, except for his passion.

1:18:22🔗 Caller As far as being 29 years old.

1:18:23🔗 Adam Quiet down. I was about to say something important.

1:18:26🔗 Drew You forgot, though.

1:18:27🔗 Adam No, it's just not really that important. No, Drew says there are no free lunches in medicine. In nature. If you want a boner, and you can pop a pill and get a boner, that's fine for a while.

1:18:40🔗 Drew There will be a price. But eventually, there will be a price.

1:18:42🔗 Adam You have to pay the fiddler a little bit. And that's basically how it is with almost everything, right?

1:18:46🔗 Drew When it comes to human physiology, that's generally the case.

1:18:48🔗 Adam But isn't it... I don't want to get too cosmic on everyone, but it's that way with almost everything. It's like you could buy a new car, and you could drive it as long as you wanted, and you could neglect it, and you could never do anything, but eventually it falls apart. You should have stopped and changed the oil and had it serviced. It's a pain in the ass. No one wants to do it. It's not glamorous, but ultimately you can abuse things for a while. Your body's like that new car. You can kick the crap out of it, especially when you're younger. Zero to 40, but eventually the wheels start coming off the wagon. So you taking Viagra every time you get it on could have long-term consequences.

1:19:19🔗 Drew I have a question for her about what goes on with the sex. Does he feel like he has to go on for a long time?

1:19:26🔗 Caller Actually, I'm quite surprised as far as...

1:19:29🔗 Guest No.

1:19:30🔗 Caller I don't want to say it, no, not really.

1:19:33🔗 Drew So he's quick and even with the Viagra.

1:19:36🔗 Caller Yeah, kind of, yeah.

1:19:38🔗 Adam This guy sounds like a keeper.

1:19:39🔗 Drew Is he doing drugs?

1:19:41🔗 Caller I'm not sure.

1:19:43🔗 Drew Well, it sounds like a drug addict thing.

1:19:45🔗 Adam Hey, Leslie, what's wrong with you that you moved from a beautiful San Francisco to crappy Arizona to be with the Viagra king?

1:19:51🔗 Caller I'm in the middle of nowhere right now. I am the king. Oh my god, what am I doing with this guy? Yeah, probably.

1:19:56🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, is your self-esteem... What's wrong with your... Listen, you can hear me stop talking when I'm talking, which is almost all the time. I agree. Did she do it again? Yes. Okay. Here's the thing. I'm going to give you two choices, or C, A, you got a big ass, B, your dad was bad to you, or C, all the above.

1:20:18🔗 Caller None of the above.

1:20:19🔗 Adam None of the above?

1:20:21🔗 Caller None of the above.

1:20:21🔗 Adam You love your dad, he was good to you, he made you feel good about yourself.

1:20:25🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm actually best friend of my dad's house tonight.

1:20:28🔗 Drew Alright, and you were growing up, it was that way.

1:20:31🔗 Caller Yeah, it was good.

1:20:33🔗 Adam Alright, and you're ass, if I gave you a five-gallon bucket, you'd say, would you get stuck? That's how I test all my ladies. Sit in the bucket. Now you can't come in the house then. I'm worried, underpats, sorry sweetie, rules are rules.

1:20:46🔗 Caller Rules are rules.

1:20:48🔗 Adam Alright, no, I don't like this guy then.

1:20:52🔗 Drew What is she saying? I can't hear her.

1:20:53🔗 Adam She talks only when I talk.

1:20:54🔗 Drew I know.

1:20:55🔗 Adam You know what she's like? Hold on a second. She's like, what are they? I don't even know what I'm saying. She's talking so much. She's like one of those things you get on on the late night TV that like dances when you talk. I don't know. It's like some kind of fake plant or something. It moves when you run in a room. Right. Well, you shut up, it stops. All right. Let's see how she must be trying this kind of thing. Yeah.

1:21:26🔗 Caller Why would you have to use this at 29 years old?

1:21:29🔗 Drew No good reason unless there's a serious medical problem or is doing drugs.

1:21:32🔗 Adam We're going to find out what size Tucson is.

1:21:33🔗 Caller Tucson is 62.

1:21:35🔗 Adam 62.

1:21:36🔗 Drew Wow.

1:21:36🔗 Adam All right. Not too big a market. Anderson has it at 73.

1:21:40🔗 Drew Whatever. Still too big for the last guy we talked to.

1:21:42🔗 Adam True. Who are we going with? Anderson or Chris?

1:21:44🔗 Caller Well, I got it over here. You can see it.

1:21:46🔗 Adam Okay.

1:21:47🔗 Drew He's in the middle of the room with us. All right.

1:21:48🔗 Adam We'll go with Chris. Sorry, Anderson. But anyway, it's not that big a market. They can go down and intern at the radio station. Leslie. What? Okay. Move back to San Francisco. I don't like this guy.

1:21:59🔗 Caller Me too, really.

1:22:00🔗 Drew There you go. What?

1:22:02🔗 Adam This is going to be difficult. But what does he do for a living?

1:22:06🔗 Caller He's medical management.

1:22:08🔗 Adam Medical management.

1:22:09🔗 Drew What does that mean?

1:22:10🔗 Caller He's in medical management. He's a buyer seller for medical supplies.

1:22:15🔗 Guest Like Viagra?

1:22:18🔗 Caller I don't know. They're not in his name.

1:22:21🔗 Guest There's nothing in his name.

1:22:22🔗 Drew He's selling medical supplies, right? Leslie. Leslie.

1:22:27🔗 Caller What?

1:22:27🔗 Drew He's selling medical supplies. Is that correct?

1:22:29🔗 Caller Yes.

1:22:30🔗 Drew What kind of medical supplies?

1:22:32🔗 Caller All kinds of them.

1:22:33🔗 Drew What kinds?

1:22:34🔗 Caller He does all kinds.

1:22:35🔗 Adam Hold on. She must be either a fine artist or a poet because she paints such a vivid picture using words.

1:22:43🔗 Drew Cicero. Rhetorician.

1:22:45🔗 Adam Oh my goodness. I just close my eyes and I'm transported to a different place, a different time, a different world. Unicorns, babbling brooks. There's rainbows and a pegasus. It's crazy what she weaves. It's like a Jethro Tull song. Incredible.

1:23:07🔗 Drew Poet.

1:23:07🔗 Adam Yeah. He's a medical salesman.

1:23:11🔗 Drew What kind of medical salesman? What kind of medical salesman?

1:23:14🔗 Adam Sells supplies.

1:23:15🔗 Drew What kind of supplies?

1:23:15🔗 Adam Supplies, supplies.

1:23:17🔗 Drew All kinds of supplies?

1:23:18🔗 Adam Supplies, supplies, supplies.

1:23:19🔗 Drew What kinds of supplies?

1:23:19🔗 Adam Medical salesman. She'd be a great, you know, she'd be great. She would be a great person to be captured. You'd want her captured by an invading force.

1:23:30🔗 Drew She wouldn't be able to give any information.

1:23:32🔗 Adam What's your rank? Rank!

1:23:34🔗 Drew Well, no. She said all kinds of medical supplies four times in response to what kind of medical, all kinds of medical supplies. All kinds of medical supplies.

1:23:41🔗 Caller All right.

1:23:43🔗 Adam What about prosthetics? Does he sell prosthetic legs?

1:23:47🔗 Caller He doesn't sell...

1:23:48🔗 Adam Aha, so it's not all kinds.

1:23:51🔗 Drew Egg crate mattresses?

1:23:52🔗 Adam Egg crate mattresses.

1:23:57🔗 Caller Mostly we have...

1:23:59🔗 Adam How about this paper under pants I sell at Pinky Cheeks?

1:24:01🔗 Drew She's about to tell us what does she... what is his supply?

1:24:05🔗 Caller We have stacks in our garage of booties for babies and... oh my god, needles at the ingang, gloves.

1:24:13🔗 Adam All right. I don't trust this guy.

1:24:15🔗 Caller We're for a very well-known company, but I don't want to say...

1:24:18🔗 Caller Okay.

1:24:19🔗 Adam All right. I think you need... I think you can talk to him about this, but he's a... Look, don't get confused with the medical part. He's a salesman. Salesmen are dicey, deceptive, horrible. Maggie, don't you ever end up with a salesman. Do you hear me?

1:24:36🔗 Drew You go out to those gay guys you like. It's much better.

1:24:39🔗 Adam Stick with the gay posse you're running with. No salesmen.

1:24:43🔗 Drew Much better.

1:24:43🔗 Adam By the way, no gay salesmen.

1:24:44🔗 Guest The guys have to get through all of us to get to Maggie.

1:24:48🔗 Guest Gay friends.

1:24:49🔗 Drew Just saying.

1:24:49🔗 Guest You stick...

1:24:51🔗 Drew We're just saying.

1:24:52🔗 Adam No salesmen. That's all I'm saying. Nobody in the business, either. No, no.

1:24:57🔗 Guest Well, that's a given.

1:24:58🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah. None of these producer guys, none of these guys, none of these agents. Stay away from the agents.

1:25:04🔗 Guest Also salesmen.

1:25:05🔗 Adam Publicists, all gays. We don't have to worry about them.

1:25:07🔗 Guest Dealers of human flesh.

1:25:08🔗 Adam Yeah, stay away from all of these guys. I like to see you guys. You know the guy I like to see you guys? Guy who owns a business that cleans aquariums. Comes to your house. Comes to your house in a van. Got a little net, comes in there, puts the fish, does saltwater and fresh.

1:25:23🔗 Drew But in reality, he's trained as a marine biologist.

1:25:25🔗 Adam He knows something.

1:25:26🔗 Drew He's been trained as a marine biologist.

1:25:27🔗 Adam He talks a lot. He's very environmentally driven.

1:25:28🔗 Drew Environmentally driven.

1:25:30🔗 Guest Data entry.

1:25:31🔗 Adam Yeah, he doesn't know.

1:25:32🔗 Guest Sounds dependable.

1:25:33🔗 Adam I like the aquarium guy. This guy's got a van. He's doing his own thing.

1:25:36🔗 Drew Eventually has a team of people that goes out.

1:25:38🔗 Adam Couple guys.

1:25:39🔗 Guest Listen to Loveline.

1:25:40🔗 Adam Couple fans. Listen to Loveline. Where's a condom in case?

1:25:44🔗 Caller Just in case.

1:25:46🔗 Guest With a popsicle stick and some yarn.

1:25:48🔗 Adam That's right.

1:25:48🔗 Drew We need to come up with a new product for the condom loading. The Strip Club Condom Loader.

1:25:53🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:25:54🔗 Drew The Strip Club Condom Loader.

1:25:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:25:56🔗 Caller Right?

1:25:57🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:25:57🔗 Caller Oh.

1:25:57🔗 Adam What do they do?

1:25:58🔗 Drew They use it to go in your underpants or something. They fit in your...

1:26:00🔗 Adam They go to the...

1:26:01🔗 Guest Maybe you could use Jen for the infomercial.

1:26:03🔗 Adam Yeah. She's a delight. All right.

1:26:06🔗 Drew Let's go to break.

1:26:07🔗 Guest Break it down.

1:26:07🔗 Drew Let's go to break. All right.

1:26:08🔗 Adam We got to take a little break here.

1:26:10🔗 Drew Wait.

1:26:10🔗 Adam Was I done?

1:26:11🔗 Drew I wasn't done. We don't know if we're done. Because every time we talk, she talks.

1:26:15🔗 Adam All right. Leslie needs to confront this guy.

1:26:18🔗 Drew She's winding down. She's winding down.

1:26:20🔗 Adam She needs to say to him, Look, it's weird to me that you're taking the Viagra. I understand, you know, birthday, holidays, whatever. But you take it every time. That's weird.

1:26:28🔗 Drew She is suspicious that something is up with this guy. She doesn't understand him. She doesn't understand why she's taking Viagra. There are all kinds of secrets. Bad sign in a relationship. He may be an addict. He may be doing all kinds of things. He may have medical problems you're not aware of. You don't know. You don't know him. He's lying. He's deceitful. Okay. That's not a relationship.

1:26:43🔗 Adam All right. Let's take a little break. Ian and Maggie both here tonight from Lost Wednesday Nights at 8 o'clock ABC. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ian Somerhalder here tonight. Maggie Grace here tonight from Lost 8 o'clock ABC. Yes, Drew.

1:27:08🔗 Drew Maggie was really, she left out, she lost out on something like the 70s when people really cared.

1:27:13🔗 Adam How old are you, Maggie?

1:27:14🔗 Drew I tried to explain to her it wasn't how it was.

1:27:16🔗 Guest I just turned 21.

1:27:17🔗 Adam Just turned 21. You didn't miss anything. You really?

1:27:20🔗 Guest Nothing.

1:27:20🔗 Adam No, it seems cool, but people really depressed and angry.

1:27:25🔗 Drew Look at the architecture of the 70s. Just look at what they did to buildings. And that's what they did to people.

1:27:31🔗 Caller Look what they did to cars.

1:27:32🔗 Drew Look at the cars, cottage cheese on the ceilings.

1:27:36🔗 Guest Yeah, but that was, that seemed, wasn't it later on in the 70s? Weren't the early 70s, you were just coming out of this sort of sexual revolution and...

1:27:45🔗 Drew The 60s was basically a sham, wouldn't you say?

1:27:48🔗 Adam I don't know, Drew, I'm not 70 years old.

1:27:50🔗 Drew Well, you were rounded in that.

1:27:51🔗 Adam In the 60s?

1:27:52🔗 Caller What's your teenager?

1:27:54🔗 Adam A teenager in the 60s? I was born in 64.

1:27:56🔗 Drew You were almost... You're right, 70s.

1:28:00🔗 Adam Yeah, I was 6 when the 60s ended. What do you think I was doing, getting laid at a Grateful Dead concert?

1:28:07🔗 Drew I'm just saying, you were exposed all of a sudden.

1:28:09🔗 Adam Burning your draft card? I burnt my bra, I burnt my walker, my hoppity-hopper thing that goes in the door jam, and then I nailed some chick at Fremont Park over there and went taking in the dead. I also saw Hendrix at the Altamont. Yeah, I did it all when I was 6. How dare you? What teenager in the 60s? What do you hide?

1:28:29🔗 Drew I mean, you were a young, what, teenager, you hit teens at what, 73?

1:28:33🔗 Adam I hit, no, I hit teens in 70, when are you 13?

1:28:38🔗 Drew 13.

1:28:39🔗 Adam 78.

1:28:40🔗 Guest See, I was born.

1:28:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:42🔗 Drew He was 17. He doesn't remember anything.

1:28:44🔗 Adam I was 13.

1:28:46🔗 Drew 77.

1:28:46🔗 Adam 77? Yeah, 77. Well, it depends what part we're in, you know? Yeah, all right, I didn't know what was going on.

1:28:53🔗 Drew So I was in college by that point.

1:28:54🔗 Adam I didn't masturbate till I was 16.

1:28:56🔗 Drew That's weird.

1:28:56🔗 Adam Still making up for it.

1:28:57🔗 Guest Are you kidding?

1:28:58🔗 Drew He was like, oh my god.

1:29:00🔗 Guest Wow.

1:29:01🔗 Guest Did you go to Catholic school?

1:29:02🔗 Adam No, I barely went to any school.

1:29:04🔗 Guest Were you afraid you'd go blind?

1:29:06🔗 Adam No, it was just one of those things. It's just, I didn't take them.

1:29:09🔗 Drew Again, you can't...

1:29:10🔗 Guest That's what they tell you.

1:29:11🔗 Drew I know, but you can't, no matter what you tell a male, you can't stop from doing that.

1:29:14🔗 Adam No, no, you can't.

1:29:15🔗 Drew That's the difference in the male system.

1:29:17🔗 Guest Double amplitude.

1:29:18🔗 Adam No, I had too much respect for ladies.

1:29:19🔗 Drew Oh yeah, of course.

1:29:21🔗 Guest Kevin?

1:29:22🔗 Adam Oh, there you go.

1:29:24🔗 Guest It's refreshing.

1:29:25🔗 Adam That's what I was looking for.

1:29:25🔗 Drew You know what the ladies like.

1:29:26🔗 Adam That's right. They like me not masturbating. Show of hands. Anyone want to see me masturbate? No. There you go. Kevin?

1:29:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:36🔗 Adam You're 16?

1:29:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:37🔗 Adam What's up?

1:29:38🔗 Caller Well, okay. I went to rehab for six months, or actually a year and a half, came back for six months, started using cocaine for a week and a half, got arrested with possession, and now I'm getting tested, you know, 43 days sober, and I'm still showing up positive.

1:29:57🔗 Drew For coke?

1:29:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:59🔗 Drew And you're getting blood tests or urine tests?

1:30:01🔗 Caller I'm just getting urine, and I got a saliva, and it said I use, I guess saliva is 24 hours.

1:30:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:30:07🔗 Adam Well, coke's not supposed to show up.

1:30:09🔗 Drew Well, cocaine, what's measured in the urine is something called benzoyl echinine, and it's absolutely specific for cocaine. We usually think of it being out in about 72 hours, but I have seen people for which it's stayed around for a couple of weeks, and I always am highly suspicious that they're using when I see that, but there may be something funny going on.

1:30:25🔗 Adam Is there something in the way they process it, in the way they process it's different?

1:30:28🔗 Drew I don't know enough about it to really answer that one, but are you not using, Kevin, really?

1:30:32🔗 Caller No, I swear, and that's the thing. It's like, you know, I come back and I get caught using coke, and of course what shows up on the drug test? Coke, you know? It's kind of hard.

1:30:40🔗 Drew Persistently.

1:30:41🔗 Caller Hmm. Yeah. So.

1:30:43🔗 Yeah.

1:30:44🔗 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:30:45🔗 Drew I don't know what to make of it. I have seen it for a few weeks. I've never seen it for six weeks like you're describing, and I don't know quite what to make of it. It should really be out in about 72 hours.

1:30:53🔗 Adam Pot sticks around for a while.

1:30:55🔗 Drew Pot can stick around for a long while. Benzodiazepines, Librium-like drugs can stick around for a long while. Coke occasionally does.

1:31:00🔗 Adam Yeah?

1:31:00🔗 Drew Occasionally does, yeah.

1:31:01🔗 Adam Maybe it's really good coke.

1:31:03🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:31:04🔗 Drew It doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit with my understanding of the biologist.

1:31:07🔗 Adam Kevin, you're 16. You're not supposed to be doing coke until you're like 17 and a half.

1:31:11🔗 Caller Yeah. What are you thinking? Before I went to rehab, I wasn't even doing it. And when I come back, it's like, you know, whatever. Like, no one was doing pot around here anymore. It was all coke, so it was just kind of like...

1:31:20🔗 Adam Really? How much is coke? How much is it for a gram now?

1:31:23🔗 Caller I was getting it for like 25, 55.

1:31:26🔗 Adam Oh, man. I'm going to get in a coke. You realize when I was making nine bucks an hour swinging a hammer, coke was like 120 bucks a gram. Now, literally a millionaire, by the way. And coke, well, it's true. I mean, literally. Literally. A lot of people say millionaire, but literally a millionaire. You know, let me tell you, Rich Andrew, I didn't know, like I would pay for things in bundles, you know, the bundles of money.

1:31:50🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:31:50🔗 Adam Someone just told me they came apart, that you could actually pull the single bills out.

1:31:55🔗 Drew You just would hand the bundles?

1:31:56🔗 Adam I would hand bundles. And you know, like, you know, a car would be like 10 bundles, but nothing was less than one bundle. A thing of gum was a bundle. Now, somebody told me the band that goes around the bundles comes apart.

1:32:08🔗 Drew Okay, Thurston, now let's go.

1:32:09🔗 Adam You pull the individual paper and you give it to them for something like some mince, and they give you this metal money back.

1:32:16🔗 Drew I know. The metal you've never had any time for.

1:32:18🔗 Adam I think it may be worth more.

1:32:20🔗 Drew No, you just start throwing it.

1:32:21🔗 Adam It looks like it's silver.

1:32:22🔗 Drew You skip it like coins on Lake Hollywood.

1:32:24🔗 Adam I'm just saying, I didn't even know money came out of the bundles. That's the kind of money I have, and now at $20 a gram, Drew, it seems like I got to start doing Coke.

1:32:35🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:32:35🔗 Adam I got to get into the blood. They pay you for an 8-ball now. Yeah. Seriously, did you guys know that the bundles came apart?

1:32:44🔗 Guest I do now.

1:32:44🔗 Adam You do now. And it's really, it's going to save you more bundles, because a bundle, now you could break it up, goes a long way.

1:32:50🔗 Guest Another thing we'll read in Newsweek next month.

1:32:52🔗 Drew Oh yeah.

1:32:52🔗 Guest Adam Carolla.

1:32:53🔗 Drew Next to Pinky Cheeks.

1:32:54🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:32:54🔗 Guest In jail for... All right.

1:32:56🔗 Adam Greenspan, they call me. Yeah. Okay, Drew, I'll explain to you the bundles theory. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Chris gave me the finger. Yeah, sweet, buddy. All right, that's the show. Wow, took a heavy walk down memory lane with Dr. Drew. Angry about the past. Hopeful about the future. Bitter about... Drew's thing is he wants to embrace the future, but gang rape the past. Is that...

1:33:38🔗 Drew I want retribution.

1:33:40🔗 Adam You want...

1:33:40🔗 Drew Compensation for the past.

1:33:42🔗 Adam I agree. I wanna thank Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhalder for coming in here tonight from one of my favorite shows. Thank you guys. And Ian said during that break, dude, you really watch Loss? And I said, oh, yes. Yeah. It's a great show. Wednesday night at 8 o'clock on ABC. Continued success.

1:34:00🔗 Guest Thank you.

1:34:00🔗 Guest Oh, thank you.

1:34:01🔗 Adam I'm back anytime.

1:34:02🔗 Guest It's a lot of fun.

1:34:03🔗 Adam This is going to...

1:34:04🔗 Guest You guys are great.

1:34:05🔗 Adam This is going to springboard you into many other projects and you come back and plug those as well. Love to. God bless you. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Sit in the bucket. Now you can't come in the house. I'm wearing thick underpants. Sorry, sweetie. Rules are rules.

1:34:27🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:31🔗 Adam Opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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