11:12🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.
11:36🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody. It's Love Line. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Jason Bateman is back in the studio tonight.
12:08🔗
I've got a good cocktail going tonight.
12:11🔗
Jason Bateman
It's mostly aspirin and some of the stale coffee you have here at the station. These are okay things to take, yes?
12:21🔗
Adam
Yeah, congratulations on Arrested Development, by the way, because the last time you were here, you and Will Arnett were here from Arrested Development, wasn't any big whoop.
12:52🔗
Adam
Drew refuses to believe. And here's the problem. I got to tell you something, Drew, when you try to gaslight me that way, Drew does no drugs, he smokes no pot, he doesn't have a drinking problem.
13:01🔗
Jason Bateman
I love how you separate that from the drug category. He doesn't do any drugs and he doesn't smoke any pot.
13:06🔗
That counts as a drug, Adam.
13:12🔗
Adam
He's not had the head trauma that I've suffered over the years. He does none of these things. So of course, when I say, I don't think those guys have been in for a year or so, and Drew goes, oh, I guarantee they've been in the last four months. Who do you think is right? Who are you going to go with? Who's the smart money on?
13:28🔗
Jason Bateman
The guy who drinks a bong water. Every time is going to be a little bit smarter.
13:32🔗
Adam
And I question myself. I really do. And you make me question myself. And let me tell you something, Drew, as a performer, that's all I have. That's all I have. Jason, back me up. When you go out on that stage, it's the blowhardiest thing to do. When I go out there, the only thing I bring with me is my confidence.
13:50🔗
Thank you. You don't have like a leather man or anything, nothing else.
13:57🔗
Only thing.
13:58🔗
Adam
You're just going out there with your confidence. That's all you bring out there, interesting. That's all I have. And as a performer, I like that one, too. Let me explain.
14:04🔗
Jason Bateman
The confusing part, though, in Drew's defense is that we did do a little too much show last time.
14:10🔗
We did do two shows worth of material.
14:18🔗
Adam
No. I'll tell you what it was. It was a bouillon cube of show. You understand? If we added a cup of hot water to it, we could have fed a whole army, yeah. Yeah, just kept going.
14:29🔗
Jason Bateman
We're gonna even it out now because sweet little Will Arnett is a little under the weather today. So it's just me.
14:45🔗
No, it's actually GMC.
14:52🔗
He's trying to get the gig. No, he is GMC Trucks. He's professional grade engineering, it's not more than you need, just more than you're used to. Right. See, that's, I can't do it. I still got, you know, a cheesy sitcom voice, but he, my God, does he have pipes?
15:11🔗
No, Will and Grace, getting his gay on.
15:13🔗
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:16🔗
Adam
Yeah, I look at it as he plays a good straight guy, because I look at him as gay most of the time, and then he plays the role of a straight man.
15:24🔗
I mean, he's married to that Amy Poehler girl, but she's a beard.
15:34🔗
Jason Bateman
That was quite a shock, but it doesn't mean poop unless you nice, pleasant listeners tune in and keep us all employed.
15:44🔗
Adam
It's gotta mean something to Fox, though, if the show is that highly regarded or that critically regarded.
15:51🔗
Jason Bateman
Well, yes, they over there at Fox have some programming over there that is less than Emmy material, shall we say.
16:01🔗
Jason Bateman
That stuff. So you would think that they would like to balance out their programming schedule with something that is a bit more Emmy-ish, if that's the word.
16:11🔗
Jason Bateman
Hopefully, that's what's getting us to sleep at night as we pull in our low ratings.
16:15🔗
Adam
And obviously, the Emmys, the multiple Emmys, including Best Comedy Series, must have given a bump to the ratings, right?
16:24🔗
Jason Bateman
A bit. We premiered last week for the first time since the Emmys, and they put us in a new time slot, which is after The Simpsons. So we did do better than we did last year, but still not good enough. We need to come up still more, but we're building.
16:43🔗
Adam
I forgot the fact, like, you know, you see the Emmys four months ago or whenever it was, and you're like, oh my God, it's gonna give a great boost to the show, but then you strike four months later. You strike while the iron is sort of warm, but not really hot.
17:02🔗
Adam
I do too, but not great for everyone in their sitcoms. All right, you ready to rock here, Drew? Jason, by the way, I gotta say this about Jason. It's nice to see good things happen to good people. I was just sort of looking at Jason's resume. Jason, career-wise, probably got out of the gate pretty good. And then somewhere around, somewhere between. And I would say the home stretch, but after the first corner, maybe...
17:40🔗
Jason Bateman
I got through the years where I probably should have called Drew, but here I am. I haven't had a drop since Christmas, Drew.
17:50🔗
Jason Bateman
Dr. Drew. And things are much better. I highly recommend that to you listeners out there. There's a lot to be said for the early hours of the morning.
18:01🔗
Jason Bateman
Oh yeah, and I don't mean staying up till the wee hours of the morning. I mean getting up for the wee hours of the morning. Yeah, that's very nice.
18:08🔗
Adam
All right, Drew, you're looking at Jason's resume? It's quite plentiful, isn't it? Impressive, yes it is. Jim?
18:15🔗
Yes.
18:20🔗
I've been dating my girlfriend for just under five years and she's been on birth control for three of those years. And the first two years we were together, we were having sex like two, three times a week, you know, pretty average. But a couple months after she started taking the birth control, she, we have sex like maybe two, three times a month.
18:45🔗
Drew
So you're equating it, you are blaming it, so to speak, on the birth control pill, right?
18:50🔗
I think so. She's put on some weight.
18:57🔗
No, she doesn't say that it's the last four months.
19:01🔗
Clipboard, clipboard.
19:11🔗
Well, I don't necessarily complain about it. I just ask her, I say, well, what's wrong? Or it was okay? And she's like, no, I don't feel like it, that type of thing. I'm wondering if it's the pill or if it's the fact that-
19:26🔗
Drew
No, or it could be the fact that you're 21, you've been in relationships since you were 16.
19:43🔗
Adam
Yes, yes, chubby chubby and husky. Now listen, Jim, I don't think it's, look, I don't know, Jason, where were you at 16? Did you get hooked up with somebody and stay with them?
20:10🔗
Jason Bateman
Yeah, I think there's a change there. You know, people do a lot of changing in those years and perhaps what happened with me is happening with you, caller. Maybe you guys have become brother, sister and there's not a whole lot of sexual attraction between siblings or the ones I know.
20:29🔗
Drew
Or she sort of was winding down and gets anger, resentful and stuck. And 21, things are supposed to kind of wind down.
20:35🔗
Adam
You should though, it sounds brutal, but if you've been in a relationship since 16 and you're now 21, you should almost be forced to break up by the government because in another 18 months, you're gonna get married.
20:52🔗
You think that's a mistake, huh?
20:54🔗
Adam
I do, no matter how great the person is, the idea that you're marrying the person you're in the 10th grade with is not a great plan.
21:07🔗
Adam
Yeah, I mean, if you're like, you know, you get like banging Nicolette Sheridan when you're 16, like a life Garrett was, you hang on with both hands. You never let go. I swear to Christ, I was looking through one of those like magazines and like people, us people, you people or whatever and there's a picture of like 17 year old Nicolette Sheridan with like 15 year old Leif Garrett and I wanted to build a time machine and go back and strangle it. I was like, you son of a bitch.
21:46🔗
Jason Bateman
It's sad what's going on with that caller though because that's a tough relationship to get out of.
21:51🔗
Drew
That's why they're in it, it's hard thinking. It feels like a family member or something.
21:54🔗
Adam
Right, so now they're on life support essentially and they're in a holding pattern and whatever other cliche and no one's going anywhere. All right, I say you extricate yourself, yes?
22:11🔗
Yeah.
22:16🔗
Caller
Well, basically, I met this girl that I was, well, I've just met her and I have started on those last months.
22:27🔗
Adam
Talking about weaving a yarn. And by the way, do you think something else is coming when you set things up that way? I met this girl that I, a dirigible? No, I just met her. Like, you expect something exciting to jump in, right?
23:03🔗
Adam
And by the way, you can't just make up things to start with Dell. Dell computers, Del Monte. No, I think Delbert would be what Dell would be short for. Let's go with the girl, buddy. Let's go, let's get it on now.
23:19🔗
Caller
I cut myself. And obviously that's not such the great habit. And she, I'm not too cautious. I don't really care about hiding them. So people will notice and obviously she did and she questioned me about it. And it turns out that she had been or used to from sometime when she was in high school or whatever, she used to do the same thing. So it turns out that we both cut each other. Well, not each other, not sorry. We cut ourselves.
23:51🔗
Adam
Really? And so now we're seeing each other. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, you're the first guy named Dell who has a self mutilation problem. Never, cause Dell's your dad's friend. Who sells insurance and enjoys watching billiards on like ESPN5.
24:21🔗
Drew
You're right though, it does tend to be more women than men, but when men do do it, it's just-
24:25🔗
Drew
Well, quite a bit. I think of it as something that people use as a way of trying to manage feelings. They have deficiencies in their ability to regulate their feelings. They feel overwhelmed, and this sort of helps them master some of those awful feelings, and it's usually in abuse survivors.
24:38🔗
Caller
For me, it was, I mean, I was telling myself it was a test of willpower at first. Because, and then obviously-
24:44🔗
Drew
Anything you're thinking while you're doing something crazy, I mean, the thoughts don't count.
24:51🔗
Drew
I understand, but the thought, the thinking you're having are really sort of epiphenomenal. They're artifacts.
25:04🔗
Adam
Well, what'd your parents do to you besides name you Delphonic, or what the hell they call you? Delio?
25:24🔗
Adam
Well, you're calling from very progressive San Francisco. If you move out to Riverside or Lompoc or something, that's where my dad lives, actually, Lompoc.
25:40🔗
Caller
I'm just wondering, me seeing her, we're trying to help each other stop. We've created a system that whenever we feel like we wanna do it, we just call each other. And that way we try and talk. Say she wants to cut herself. She'll call me up and say, I really wanna cut myself or whatever. And I'll just say, don't do it. It's so far so good. Neither of us have done anything.
26:02🔗
Drew
My concern is that you're both sort of fragile and early in this game. And it's kind of like two alcoholics early in sobriety is trying to support somebody, each other, through staying abstinent. You end up sort of being a life preserver for one another and kind of both going down.
26:18🔗
Adam
All right, a little therapy for your dad living in Lompoc. Or Lompoc. By the way, when there's no one can figure out how to pronounce your city name, that's a bad thing.
26:31🔗
Adam
Yeah, unless con and can. That's the only exception I'm gonna make. Jason Bateman and Tuesday Night, what a trooper. He's sick.
26:40🔗
Adam
Coughing into a sweater. Not like that Will Arnett. Weak, weak-willed Will, they call him. Weak-willed, they call him.
26:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's what we offer. Yeah, Will Arnett did not see fit to make it in. Well, maybe the success of the Arrested Development went to his head. Zach? 16. What's up, champ?
27:19🔗
Adam
Oh, no, that was something else. This is some other show on... Do you want to check them for TB? Man, tuberculosis.
27:47🔗
It comes out on the air, it comes out Tuesday.
27:54🔗
No, but you didn't look too happy on the commercial.
27:57🔗
Adam
Well, okay. Here's... Okay, let me just say something. Celebrities are such a pain in the ass. It's really... They're horrible people. They call me and say, you want to come down and play some cards? I have some blackjack. I say, fine, that's great. I'm sitting in between people that worked with a coach...
28:15🔗
Adam
Who, by the way, freely admit it. Go ahead and do all the work you want. Read the Poker for Dummies. Play some fake hands in your garage all week long in preparation. Don't spout out about, well, my coach told me... You sound like a blowhard when you do that.
28:36🔗
Jason Bateman
Oh, yeah, exactly. So we were doing it with Jenny Garth and her guy, Peter Fettinelli, and they hired a poker tutor and actually brought him into the venue.
28:53🔗
Jason Bateman
He was flashing... they had it all worked out. He was flashing them hand signs all the way through it. And we had to have him escorted out. I mean, it was disgusting.
29:02🔗
Adam
It's the craziest thing in the world. I've played... I've done a handful of, you know, celebrity whatever, car races, softball games, poker, whatever. And they're so brutally serious that it sort of borders on obnoxious because you're supposed to be raising money for charity and it's supposed to be a good time. And all of a sudden, everyone gets their game face on. It gets really weird about everything. And I'm laughing it up. I'm having a good time. Here's my whole thing about playing for charity. If I make them money, fine. If I don't, they'll make it. They're not going under.
29:36🔗
Adam
Yeah, you got the whatever. You could give them 25 grand, but they're at least going to get like 2,500 or five grand or whatever. And fine, that's more than they had before you played the tournament. Let's have a cocktail and enjoy ourselves, everybody. Everyone's freaking out, really serious. And I find it obnoxious when people get really serious about non-serious stuff. I don't know why that is. I don't know, it rubs me the wrong way, but to see the guys really get their game face on for nonsense.
30:02🔗
Drew
It's sophomoric. It's like, it's immature. It's like, we're back in high school. And you can't differentiate between serious and not serious.
30:10🔗
Adam
How insecure are you that you have to beat a couple of seedless celebrities in a game of chance?
30:19🔗
Jason Bateman
We're a very insecure bunch. It's not a good group to hang with. Man. I'm in here with you guys.
30:45🔗
Adam
Oh, all right. What's going on? So I guess the, anyway, I guess the poker celebrity thing I did didn't air. I thought it aired and I just missed it. Go ahead, Eddie.
30:56🔗
Adam
Well, oh, that one in like City of Commerce, I think we both got tossed out so early. Drew and I, here's the other thing too. Like we did one of these things like in the City of Commerce, 7,000 people sat down to play poker for 2200 hours. And Drew and I are the same way, which is after about three or four hours of card playing, I'm ready to go home.
31:23🔗
Adam
I think we're all probably the same way in that if I make it into the last five, I'll stay. But I've sized up the competition, just taking a look at the numbers. And by the way, I'm a Corolla, I'm cursed. It's not like I'm gonna get good cards. I may make it to the top 400 people. That's gonna get me home about about 8.30, nine at night. I'm gonna fight in traffic all the way. I'm going all in. I'm getting out of here. It's 2.30. I'm gonna miss the traffic. Kimmel doesn't know where I am. I'm gonna go home, beat off, and watch a little TiVo, call of the day. Screw the charity. So, Drew does the same thing. So, we're like going-
32:01🔗
Adam
Right, in that order. Right, different order. All right, the point is we're going all in on every hand, trying to get the hell out of there now. Everyone else is freaking out. What's going on? What are you doing? It's like, I'm trying to get out of here. Well, you're gonna lose. Well, I'm gonna lose in five hours anyway. If I lose now, I miss traffic. Oh my God. And then when we left, it was like the walk of shame. It's like, sorry, buddy. Are you cool? Or should we talk? There's counselors out in the hall. You can talk to a guy wearing reflective sunglasses and a weird cowboy hat with the big chunks of turquoise around. He's a poker counselor. You need to talk to him. You need to talk you down. And we're like, no, we're cool. We had fun. We're ready to go home. Wow, you're really keeping a stiff upper lip. It's like, oh, why do you guys have to win so badly? What goes on with that with celebrities? Why do you think the competition is one of the things that drew them to it in the first place? Or is that in the personality? So it's like they're 10 year old, right?
33:06🔗
Jason Bateman
It's called the rest of development. And speaking of which, there's a great show on.
33:15🔗
Jason Bateman
Yeah, we're all retarded. Actors, celebrities, celebrities are worse than actors. Actors are just want to be celebrities.
33:31🔗
Adam
They just have hygiene problems and self-esteem problems. They're not like celebrities. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Jason Bateman, Trooper Jason Bateman.
33:46🔗
Adam
Well, evidently it is for Will, Will Arnett that is. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
33:57🔗
Okay, wait, wait, my hair, my hair.
34:01🔗
Loveline is brought to you by the Sony Network Walkman player with up to 30 hours battery life. Sony, like no other.
34:15🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jason Bateman, Trooper. Jason Bateman in studio tonight. Success has not changed Jason. He was an ass before, arrested development.
34:31🔗
Adam
Came around. He remains one today. And if I know Jason a year from now when he comes in.
34:49🔗
Adam
That's my favorite. Dog can't smell his own ass. Really? Spending 20 minutes sniffing it. Think he's looking for something that's not there. I would have walked away after 10 if I got nothing. I think he smells it. Oh yes. He wouldn't spend so much time hovering over it. I like that move though. I like the foot move after the dog eats me. The back legs. I do. I'd like to start incorporating that into my own BM session where I just legs, feet slide on the tile. Wife having to explain other people's instinct.
35:29🔗
Jason Bateman
Yeah, he leans back as if he's in like a bark-a-lounger and then he's a front wiper too. That's weird.
35:36🔗
Jason Bateman
Yeah, like a woman wipes herself. That's how he does it after he's done doing number two. It's just like, really, like is that easier for you?
35:55🔗
Adam
Also, here's one of those things, as long as we're on fecal matter, we can only do about 20 minutes. I, by the way, quick fecal matter story, I told you. I had one of my grandmother's friends explain to me once that she heard me somewhere. She didn't know if it was on TV or on the radio. Talk about fecal matter for 40 minutes straight. And I said, well, it's impossible. They talked about for 40 minutes because eventually we have to go to commercials. He's like, 40 minutes. And I'm like, I don't. For his God is my hand to God. How old is the woman? 82. It's possible.
36:38🔗
Adam
Could have combined the two. Could have done 20 on each. All right, let's stay on fecal matter though.
36:46🔗
Adam
Let's not digress, yeah. The hand wipe, you go with the good hand or the bad hand? You know, left, you're right-handed, right? You're right-hander? Right? Oh, great, the hand you shake with. With the right hand. Jason?
37:14🔗
Jason Bateman
I'm the same way, but I'm kinda ambidextrous. I write with the left, wipe with the right, shake with the right, throw with the right. I bat righty, I kick lefty, I eat lefty.
37:34🔗
Jason Bateman
Yes, I do, well, I do most things extremely well. Oh, no, no doubt about it. No, I'm quite good with both hands.
37:43🔗
Adam
It's to, I know people get the legs mixed up and all that kind of stuff, but kicking, I mean, throwing and writing is pretty unique with different hands.
37:53🔗
Adam
I throw with the left, I wipe with the right. I feel, I feel, you know why I like, I like my left, I feel like I want my good hand free in case there's trouble when I'm on the pot.
38:05🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah, I mean, if there was some sort of situation, Disturbance. Like my right hand was caught in a bear trap and I was on the, I was on the crapper, I could probably, I wouldn't want to, I'd probably call Drew in to wipe, but if I couldn't dial the cell phone with my nose, I would definitely wipe with my left, but I feel like I want my good hand free, you know what I mean? If I have to ward off a troublemaker, to fight somebody off, I want the strong hand ready. You, Drew, are gonna have your business hand up your toke is when, when the killer comes in to the bathroom.
38:44🔗
Drew
I've thought this through very carefully. And I want to get the business taken care of as fast and efficiently as possible so there's a limited period of time.
39:04🔗
Adam
Well, keep going. And I won't tell you about the ants I urinated on that were near the sink today. Let me tell you. Yeah, last night. Let me tell you what the problem with ants are. Once in a while, please be, everyone be honest. Once in a while, there's nothing better than whizzing on ants. There is, it's cathartic. It's strong. It's visceral. You've never whizzed on ants.
39:29🔗
Drew
Anim is the thing about ruining civilizations and things. You have to take snow globes and hold it next to his penis. Whoa, the city is afraid. Penis coming down.
39:42🔗
Adam
Here's all I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. Once in a while, there's some ants crawling on your toilet or on your sink or something and you want to whizz on them. You want to whizz them down, right? All right, now here's where the problem comes. When they're right on the part of the toilet where you hit them and it washes them in the toilet, it's fine. Once in a while, you get one that's just around the cusp. It's on the rim and it looks like it might go outside. You pull the trigger with the whiz. That's dangerous because it gets outside of the toilet. Never whizzed on ants.
40:11🔗
Jason Bateman
The problem is that you have ants crawling around your toilet bowl. So you might want to look into your diet. Probably not fully digesting your food. You're leaving a little something for the ants.
40:41🔗
Adam
All right, but if you don't train at home, how are you gonna be ready when you're in a crowded bar?
40:52🔗
Yes.
40:56🔗
Caller
My girlfriend and I both have herpes, and I just found out recently that she's pregnant and we're gonna try to keep the baby. We wanna know what kind of risks are involved for the baby as far as getting herpes or what we have to do as far as maybe if there's a way of preventing the baby from getting it or whatnot.
41:31🔗
Caller
We had to go to another doctor for the blood test and she just got her referral to the doctor.
41:43🔗
Drew
Herpes are far less of an issue during pregnancy than we used to think. There are medication that can suppress it and obviously a C-section, a C-section can reduce the risk. So it's not as big of a deal as we used to think.
41:54🔗
Adam
Is, are you more likely, if you have vaginal or genital herpes, are you more likely to break out during the time that's close to the time you deliver because of stress or pressure?
42:13🔗
Drew
They could if the baby would, as it was coming down the canal, and that would be a real big problem.
42:17🔗
Adam
What about a vaginal? What about some sort of liner? Like, you know, trash can liner or something, or some sort of chute?
42:24🔗
Adam
Kid wouldn't have to touch anything. I don't like the idea that I've touched my mom's vagina. You know what I mean? I mean, technically.
42:35🔗
Adam
No, I brushed it. And she liked it. No, I don't like that. You know what I mean? There's no loofah big enough to clean yourself off from that one, Drew.
43:01🔗
Adam
Oh, wiener was in mom. Yeah, and it passed through mom's vagina. I mean, Anderson is right.
43:10🔗
Adam
Yeah, and here's the other thing too. I think this liner could be used for things outside of the hospital room. Do you know what I'm saying? There's other applications for it.
43:22🔗
Adam
No, no, I'm not in the vagina. I'm talking about the finger trap, like Chinese finger trap. You could use it for.
43:36🔗
Adam
And true, remember eight years ago, you were talking about it, and I was saying, are you high? No one's gonna use this. Did anyone ever use it?
44:12🔗
Caller
I was looking for your Hawaiian rant, and I couldn't figure out, remember the big debacle with the Hawaiian rant? Right. I didn't know what to do when it happened, and I went on there, and I asked when it happened, and like within half an hour, they gave me the exact date.
44:24🔗
Adam
It was crazy. We got pulled off our Hawaiian station because I called Hawaiians stupid. And I'm sorry, because it turns out they're geniuses, they really are. Think about all the great inventions, all the great literature. Think about everything that's come out of medicine, you name it, from the arts.
44:43🔗
Adam
Think about the amazing culture Hawaiian is. Not physically, everyone knows. Well, got the huge calves and these are superior people. It's not physically.
45:04🔗
Adam
Yeah, no, no, it's, again, every book in the library was written by a Hawaiian, that's all I'm saying. Every classical song written by a Hawaiian. Just do the math. Hey, this is Shuttle, that's a Hawaiian. Oh, by the way, the thing, the Fat Boy and the whole hydrogen bomb and nuclear bomb, that whole program, Hawaiians.
45:27🔗
Hawaiians.
45:30🔗
They won't realize that.
45:34🔗
Caller
Yeah, two quick questions. What steps should I take to get into the world of broadcasting?
45:39🔗
Hmm.
45:42🔗
Yeah.
45:50🔗
Adam
Oh, okay. That's, could be sooner than you think. You want to, you want to handle a call? All right, Drew, how do we do this?
46:17🔗
Caller
Well, I'm an uncircumcised male, really. And when I have sex with my girlfriend, it's like, we have to use a condom because, you know, the skin pulls back a lot.
46:44🔗
Caller
Well, I was wondering what steps I should take to try to remedy that, for sex without a condom, and would it be wise to have a circumcision?
47:09🔗
Adam
You know, it's funny, we do this once in a while, maybe once a year, and the poor caller always readily talks to the young idiot who takes our place, and they never go, what the F's going on? They call the talk to a 10th grader. All right, God bless both of you. William's doing a decent job at 16. I mean, it's a baptism by fire.
47:33🔗
Adam
Yeah, all right, let's try it. Pot them up again, Anderson. Let's see what we got. Yeah, let's go with both of them. Get William and Eddie. William is 16, he's calling from Paramount. I don't even know where that is. Paramount? Where's Paramount?
48:01🔗
Caller
Well, yeah, I was wondering what I should do about sex with being uncircumcised, like to kind of get around the fact that...
48:12🔗
Caller
Well, if your girlfriend doesn't like it, I say get a new girlfriend. She's gonna have to deal with that, that's her problem.
48:43🔗
Adam
Yes. Hold on a second. I don't know, and I think I put Eddie on, huh? Let's get Eddie back up again. All right, Eddie, sorry. That's a little experiment didn't work.
48:53🔗
Drew
Eddie, Eddie, the deal is, the reason there's irritation is the head of the foreskin, the top of the foreskin kind of narrows, it's called a stenosis, and the more it narrows, the more it tears when you pull it back, and so it scars more and narrows more. It's sort of an inexorable process you get involved with. This is why somebody would have a circumcision. There's no reason you should go through this. Go and have a circumcision.
49:15🔗
Adam
It seems like more people, I mean, let's just say, go back 20 years. The idea of anyone over 15 or anyone over five months getting a circumcision was bizarre and unheard of.
49:29🔗
Adam
Oh really? I just think it was also less popular. I don't know if it's medical science has done something.
49:38🔗
Jason Bateman
Is a circumcision something that he needs to worry about being extremely painful? I mean, what's the procedure with that?
49:44🔗
Drew
Once you're an adult, this age, at age 23, it's pretty painful. You're out of commission for a couple of weeks. It's not nearly as easy to go through as an infant.
50:04🔗
Drew
Yeah, general means you are paralyzed and all your body functions are taken over by the anesthesiologist, especially respiratory.
50:11🔗
Adam
You have three, society has two. Society has local, which means you get a shot in your ding-a-ling and they work on it while you stare at it. And then there's general, which means you're asleep when they work on your ding-a-ling. Drew, there's one in between, which is where you'll be, which is asleep, but not general, it's a technicality. Yes, Drew?
50:31🔗
Adam
No, no, I don't mean that, I just mean when everyone is talking about general, they're talking about being asleep.
50:39🔗
Jason Bateman
Now, is that skin that is lopped off, are there nerves in that skin, or is it just kinda like your earlobe?
50:58🔗
Drew
Well, he doesn't have any troubles functioning sexually, is this a constant problem, why not?
51:03🔗
Adam
And I would argue that doing it on adults is much more commonplace than it was 10, 20 years ago.
51:11🔗
Drew
And I'm saying it's because there is so much foreskin around now in this country. And the other thing is, this thing Eddie's got is gonna get worse.
51:19🔗
Drew
Well, we did it one time. It is gonna get worse, and it's gonna cause more discomfort as time goes along.
51:24🔗
Adam
Yeah, I don't know that there's that much more foreskin here than there was 20 years ago.
51:30🔗
Drew
People obsessing about foreskin in the last 10 years. Oh, somebody took my foreskin when I was a baby.
51:36🔗
Adam
Drew's angry, by the way. Here's the thing. There's these groups that wanna sue their parents because they took their foreskin.
51:48🔗
Adam
Yeah, and then they're trying to recreate it using duct tape and weights and stuff, and walk around feeling like half a man. But it's all the same. And by the way, these are the same guys who write all the letters. It's the same people. They're just, here's basically what happened. So I know we're going to break. Jason Bateman here now. There's a segment of society that was abused by their parents physically, mentally, sexually, and now society becomes their canvas for which they can rub their crap onto.
52:31🔗
Adam
Right, right, right. Anyone say ACLU? The one who, they're suing Logan Airport now for profiling. Yeah, fantastic. So you want to talk about angry? How about we just get those ACLU guys, some foreskins, get them moving, pack it up. Come on, fellas, here's your foreskin, let's go. Move forward now. You got bigger fish to fry. Take a quick break. Get them some huevos while we're at it, too. And we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Adam.
53:08🔗
Adam
You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191, Jason Bateman in here tonight from Arrested Development, Sunday night, 8.30 on Fox. All righty, I got a question for Jason. Ooh, Heidi's got an anal question. Bring it. Yeah, that sounds good. Heidi?
53:35🔗
Yeah?
53:45🔗
Caller
And I had sex with him about four days ago, I think, and he was trying to do the anal thing.
54:11🔗
Drew
Yes, we have an American Indian gynecologist who consults with us. Is he on a pager? He does, no, he comes in once in a while. Because I saw him out in the lobby.
54:21🔗
Drew
Yeah, and he'll come in and I have to translate for him. He only speaks a certain dialect of Choctaw. But he's very helpful in calls like that.
54:41🔗
Is Justin there?
54:56🔗
Guys, we're on the air.
55:02🔗
Drew
We need to get him quick. We only have a minute and a half left. Oh, Chief Thunder Bear, thank you for joining us.
55:35🔗
Drew
Chief, you notice the difference between this engineer and the other one? This one's running to get coffee, she's impressed. And she's running to get coffee.
55:46🔗
Drew
Yeah, BSIs, yes, she's impressed. But I don't know who's gonna conclude the show, but so be it, let's talk to Heidi here.
55:59🔗
Hey, hey.
56:04🔗
Jason Bateman
Chief, she's been dating this guy for two weeks and he tried to punch her in the seat about four days ago and she wants to know what she should do about this.
56:19🔗
Jason Bateman
So she was not clear as to whether he actually succeeded at this, but what do you people do when this situation comes about?
56:38🔗
Drew
First of all, Jason, he's offended. Well, he's afraid that the gods are offended by this question, too. He's having to say a prayer.
57:04🔗
Drew
We have, you can play Tetris during the break, but we'll just take a little break right now. Heidi, we're gonna get back to you in a second. The chief would like to help you with this problem. So this is the area, now that he's appeased the gods, he would really like to dig into your problem.
58:55🔗
Jason Bateman
Well, no, we actually have a package rate. We can come to you in any city as long as you're on the West Coast.
59:10🔗
Drew
Did you have a question for Chief Thunder Bear, the American Indian Chalk Toss Weekend Gynecologist?
59:23🔗
Caller
Well, I puckered up as soon as he started doing what he was doing, and I don't understand how people do that.
59:38🔗
Drew
Basically, he's sort of giving you a litany of means whereby using social lubricants, such as alcohol, or bare fat, or being paid for this activity, I guess, in his culture.
1:00:09🔗
Drew
He used animal gut condoms, but it's something that, really, you want to protect yourself, he says, against sexually transmitted diseases.
1:00:16🔗
Adam
Hey, hey, gee, I'll take you home. No hunt buffalo will take you, yeah, no, yeah, yeah.
1:00:26🔗
Drew
You can get and give, yes, it's the most effective way to give venereal diseases through anal intercourse.
1:00:32🔗
Jason Bateman
You can also, so I hear, get yourself a nice little infection if he goes there and then comes back upstairs on you, and I don't mean upstairs to the top floor, just that one that's, yes, that one.
1:01:14🔗
Drew
Okay, he's done with that. Thank you, Chief, thank you. You were no help tonight, but I mean, you were great help tonight.
1:01:33🔗
Adam
I was wondering what she was doing, hustling down the hall. Chris never gets him coffee unless he must like her.
1:01:51🔗
Caller
Well, the background of it is that I had a really bad family life and I had a really bad relationship with men. So, about a year ago, I started turning to women and I'm wondering if this is a prelude to homosexuality or if it's just the state of confusion. I just, I wanted a second opinion on it.
1:02:27🔗
Drew
And confusion is about going back and forth between men and women. And one of the reasons women do, there are many, some are biological reasons, others, you know, various kinds of trauma. But brutalization by men is a common reason.
1:02:44🔗
Caller
Well, the thing is, I can still be attracted to men, but the thought of actually being with a man, it just, it completely turns me off. It makes my skin crawl.
1:02:55🔗
Adam
All right, well, hold on. Let's try to work this out for a second because when a guy gets sexually abused and then becomes gay, there's no turning back. I don't believe.
1:03:09🔗
Adam
It gets wired into him. Nature or nurture, whether, you know, God made you gay or your uncle made you gay, either way you're gay and that's about it.
1:03:17🔗
Drew
Well, but there's confusion in males too. There are men who have sex with men that are not gay.
1:03:32🔗
Adam
Fridays, my people Sabbath. Brown Sabbath. Here's the point, a lot of ass talk tonight. Here's my point. If I admit it.
1:03:47🔗
Adam
Here's the point. I believe a woman who was abused and turned off to men has a better shot of going back to men than a guy who got turned off to women and is on to men. What do you think of that?
1:04:00🔗
Drew
Well, interestingly though, with males, they're usually sexually abused by males and then turned to males. With women, they're sexually abused by males and turned off to males.
1:04:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. Women do have it right that way. It's the one thing they're right about. Yes, you should hate and be turned off to whatever the gender was of whoever traumatized you. For men, it's like being tortured by Germans and hating Mexicans. What the hell are we thinking?
1:04:30🔗
Adam
Yeah, they wanted to move to Germany. Yeah, but women, they're smart. They get tortured by Germans. They hate Germans. They moved to Sweden. Yeah?
1:04:47🔗
Drew
Well, it's not that they're open. It's that it makes sense that you're doing what you're doing.
1:04:54🔗
Drew
You know, I did not mean to disagree. I'm just saying not only that, but the fact is you're going the way you're going.
1:05:07🔗
Drew
But she wants it to sort of not be happening, and it is happening. It's happening. For whatever reason, it's happening, it's happening.
1:05:13🔗
Adam
All right. So here's the thing. If you're abused, you need to get some therapy. The sexual thing will sort of... Okay, good. Stick with it. You're 17.
1:05:28🔗
Jason Bateman
But I mean, don't feel bad about experimenting with women. And even if you stay with women, that's great, too.
1:05:35🔗
Caller
Well, my issues with men are my father, he left when I was three, my biological father. And my stepfather physically abused me and molested me. And I was seeing my therapist, I lived with my mother in Los Angeles. And about the moment I turned 17, I moved out and I couldn't afford my therapist anymore. And he said that he would continue seeing me for free because he thought I needed the help.
1:06:06🔗
Adam
So not my therapist. When he found out we got to renew for the man show, he wanted more money, a little different. It's a Hollywood thing. He wanted a bump.
1:06:20🔗
Adam
Yeah. When we signed some blank cards too, and I said, who you want me to make it out to? And he just write your name.
1:06:26🔗
Adam
Yeah, really is. Hey, yeah, yeah, good. Stick with the therapist. And as far as, and listen, all you girls, you don't have to declare major sexually, but you don't have to act out either. Right.
1:06:41🔗
Adam
Yeah, just put the vagina up on the shelf. On the shelf for a couple of blocks, a year or so. You just rest it. You know, it's all right. You don't need anybody else.
1:06:53🔗
Adam
No, no, no, it's not like a piercing where if you pull out the penis, it'll close. It'll close out. It's not like a nose hoop or something. Drew won't do that, will it?
1:07:09🔗
Adam
Drew's got two tacks with the wife, the vagina, will grow shut. And by the way, as a doctor, you bring cred to that.
1:07:17🔗
Adam
Right, you got that. So that needs to be yoked out a couple of times a week. And then with the daughter, not yet, but soon you're gonna start working the calorie semen angle, right?
1:07:31🔗
Adam
150,000 calories per eyedropper full of semen. And here's a new angle. It can be absorbed through the skin. Beautiful. Scalp and chest, very porous. Eric, you're 24. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, you got a big fan. What's that? Oh, really? All right, getting close. Next year, you have the talk.
1:08:21🔗
Uh-oh. Wow. How long did you guys get re-signed for?
1:08:26🔗
Jason Bateman
Well, the plan is to do another full season, which is 22 episodes. That'll take us through till March, and airing shows until, I don't know, May, I think, providing you tell enough of your friends to tune in, because we have more viewers.
1:08:50🔗
Jason Bateman
Yeah, hopefully we keep going. Thank you, thanks for watching. It's not a bad show. I'm glad to be a part of it.
1:09:01🔗
Adam
Hey, Eric, it's ironic that you're straight and you sound like a Harvey Fierstein. Is it, you don't find that ironic?
1:09:12🔗
Jason Bateman
You see what my fan base is? This is why I have trouble getting ratings. They can't seem to turn on the TV. They can't find the button.
1:09:19🔗
Adam
I'm your only straight fan. By the way, it's always marginally insulting from a guy who's heard, I'm your only fan or your biggest whatever fan. It makes them feel like there's not a lot of you out there. I'll decide who the biggest fan is. You don't get to dub yourself the biggest fan. People do that all the time. Oh, Pat's, I'm the biggest Pat's fan, biggest Dodger fan, biggest Drew fan, Bateman fan. No, we'll decide, right?
1:10:00🔗
Yeah, but I do think we're getting Piazza, which is a bad move, and I don't think we're getting- And I don't think we're getting Beltray back, so.
1:10:15🔗
Yeah.
1:10:24🔗
Adam
Let's go, let's break it down. Grab a knee, everybody. Don't sit on your helmet. It's not a chair. When I say gentleman, I use that term loosely. All right, let's get back to the phones. Rebecca?
1:10:45🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. I was thinking about Brian Grazer and Ron Howard, right? They're producers of your show, right?
1:10:56🔗
Jason Bateman
Yes, I have. They're both extremely wonderful men. They're both great. And in fact, I'd love to be so lucky as to deal with my career with Ron Howard's done with his. That'd be a nice direction to go.
1:11:10🔗
Adam
Yeah, I've not, he's done all right. As a matter of fact, I think his Saving Private Ryan was on tonight by the way. Great movie.
1:11:24🔗
Adam
Oh, that's right. When we directed, that's right. I don't know what I'm thinking of. Are you ready to rock?
1:11:34🔗
Caller
My question is, cause I'm sure you guys have had anal sex, what's it for the female? Cause my boyfriend is always talking about that. And I mean, I'm kind of willing to try it, but I just.
1:11:51🔗
Jason Bateman
I'm not sure we can let that go by. And let's look, can you preface it with a hypothetically?
1:11:56🔗
Drew
Well, let's, let's, let's register. Let's, let's ring in here. That is a behavior that I do not understand. I cannot get my head around it.
1:12:18🔗
Drew
No, didn't try it, not interested, would never have occurred to me if people weren't talking about it.
1:12:22🔗
Drew
No, no, I'm saying. I'm not saying it's a bad thing I would never do. I'm saying it would never, ever occur to me in a million years.
1:12:34🔗
Jason Bateman
I don't, I don't get it myself. You've never done it? I, yes, I have. Well, first off. I've never received it, let's be clear.
1:13:05🔗
Jason Bateman
Yeah, there's an orifice better suited for that action. I don't get it myself, and Dr. correct me if I'm wrong, but there is no pleasure receptacle up that wall.
1:13:19🔗
Drew
Well, there aren't, however, some women can be induced to have orgasm from that. Particularly when they're multi-orgasmic, tend to have those orgasms with them. What's that?
1:13:39🔗
Adam
Yeah, there's that whole thing of like, well, how do you know unless you've tried it? But it's like, you hear about people eating monkey brains and stuff, and it's like, not for me. And they're like, but how do you know?
1:13:50🔗
Drew
That logic is just so flawed. How do you know if you, do you know what it's like to stick your hand in a fire? How do you know if you haven't tried it?
1:13:58🔗
Adam
Yeah. No, I think people have a pretty good idea of what a lot of things are like, taste like, and feel like that they haven't done and don't want to do.
1:14:11🔗
Drew
Right. And some of that retarded logic is symptomatic of how grandiose we are these days and how differently our brains and bodies function. And the reality is we've all functioned very, very differently. We experience arousal and our sexuality very differently. And it's like, oh yeah, some people, it's okay, other not. And it's not like, how could it not be? Who goes for you?
1:14:30🔗
Adam
Let me say this because I have this weird theory that everyone sort of knows what everything feels like in advance, such as, I remember being like 13 and thinking, what does a boob feel like? And actually I remember being 19 and thinking that too and then 26. But the point is, is for the sake of humiliation, I'm gonna say 13. And thinking, what does a boob feel like? And then you finally feel one and you go, yep. That's what I thought. That's exactly. And it's the same about like, I've never surfed a 20 foot wave. I can feel what it would feel like I've never skydived. I can feel what skydiving feels like.
1:15:12🔗
Jason Bateman
Call her, yeah, don't let this guy be a blowhard, either. And say, well, you know, it feels so much better for the guy, just let me do it.
1:15:20🔗
Jason Bateman
Yeah, it's a whole domination thing and let him go to a therapist and work that stuff out. And not on you.
1:15:28🔗
Adam
Agreed. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that none of us have had an erect penis in our rear end, okay? But don't you think, and it's not gay if we picture it. So let's just picture it for a second. It's bi, but it's not gay. Don't you think you would know exactly what it felt like?
1:16:13🔗
Caller
Hello, how are you? Okay, I just have to say that I think that both of you are amazing and Adam, I agree with everything that you stand for. Thank you very much.
1:16:40🔗
Caller
Yeah, it's been two years and I have a problem with dating people my own age. And I also, I guess my second part to my question is that I have a problem with the whole idea of therapists because I think they all have their own problems also and that's why they get into therapy.
1:17:02🔗
Adam
It's just like mechanics have cars that break down once in a while, doesn't mean they can't fix your car.
1:17:08🔗
Caller
Fix my car, right. No, I'm sure that they would have a lot of input and I'm sure my car needs to be fixed.
1:17:40🔗
Adam
That's, I mean you don't hear about that that often. First off, by 30, usually this is the kind of move you make if you don't make it by 25, you're not making it. Maybe 21. So what drove you toward porn?
1:17:53🔗
Caller
I always really liked the pictorials. Like I always liked Playboy and the magazines and whatnot, but I actually got into doing Girl Girl Porn and I've done lots of different movies with like Jill Kelly, Janine, Chloe, I've been to Spain. I've done the whole awards thing. I've been nominated every year for-
1:18:31🔗
Caller
Where the girls aren't, I've done one. Where the boys aren't, I've done one. What does that mean?
1:18:42🔗
Adam
Oh, I see, I see. Go on, do the penis math, there's nobody there. All right, she's on the Violation series.
1:18:53🔗
Adam
Which violation, hold on, which series ran in the violation? You're in like one through 26?
1:19:20🔗
Caller
And it was the three of us, and it was so weird. Two weeks later, I was watching NBN.
1:19:25🔗
Adam
All right, yeah, you don't need therapy, that's clear. So what else can we do for you?
1:19:35🔗
Adam
I've deemed you not sane, but so insane, therapy couldn't help. There's a difference. It's like when someone says, should we get him a doctor? No. Oh, he's fine? No, he's going to die in about 10 seconds.
1:19:52🔗
Jason Bateman
She's got a problem getting people her own age. What is she like, older or younger?
1:19:55🔗
Adam
She's 39, pulling up in that El Camino, blowing a menthol cigarette in the guy's face, chewing gum, big clamp on earrings. I work with Janine. I was in the Violation Series. All right, Herb just thought we might get along. I'm a widower. Okay, I only go down on women. I have a four-year-old with the Down Syndrome. I'm not going down on him. I'm out of the business. That's great. All right, Jason Bateman is here tonight. We're going to take a quick break. We'll get back with Michelle. I like a salty porn star, yeah?
1:20:58🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Jason Bateman here tonight from Arrested Development, Fox, 830. Sunday night. Drew, Drew, you're quite a drama queen, I gotta say. I was complaining to Drew while we were in the bathroom that we have to do a calendar cycle this Saturday. I was like, well, whole weekend's ruined because we gotta go down a bum aft to sign calendars this weekend. And Drew's like, weekend ruined, season ruined.
1:21:34🔗
Adam
Yes! I start dreading this, you know, the fall, and then the spring comes around and he's barely recovered. The winter's tough. Season ruined because you gotta go to a Best Buy in La Harbra and sign a calendar. Please, I'm dramatic enough. We don't need you with a ruined season.
1:22:05🔗
I don't think it's, people don't like it. Jed had a stamp one year.
1:22:09🔗
Adam
Remember how popular I was the one year when we were at the end of the line, and I kept announcing that this thing was supposed to go on from 9 to 11, to like 4 in the afternoon, and all the other jocks were signing, were talking to everybody in the line, and the line wasn't moving, and I made the announcement that I was leaving at 4.
1:22:33🔗
Adam
Right. And when 4 o'clock rolled around, I stood up to leave. It was almost, it was a little, this short of a stoning, I basically got. But come on, you can't talk to everyone, you got to shuffle them through, right?
1:22:46🔗
Drew
Yes. And every year since, we've been screaming down the line to hurry up. Right. Why aren't we at the front?
1:22:59🔗
Adam
That's right, that's for Drew. Drew Primadonna. Season ruined by calendar signing everybody. All right, Michelle, 39.
1:23:33🔗
Adam
I was going to say last movie, but she said last movie, but it turns out she came out of retirement. Yeah. Michelle?
1:23:44🔗
Caller
I wish that you and Drew were a couple as president of our United States of America.
1:23:56🔗
Adam
We could be president and vice president and we wouldn't actually have to be a gay couple.
1:24:00🔗
Caller
No, no. You both have to be on the same plateau. No one's below you. President as a couple.
1:24:28🔗
Caller
Immature, really good work ethic, but as far as like morality, as far as cheating and lying, immature in that way. And, you know, at any age, I haven't seemed to find a man that doesn't lie and cheat.
1:25:06🔗
Caller
And seriously, the last one that I found was this really spiritual reading hippie guy, but he cheated in life, too. He just like wore different clothes, and I don't understand.
1:25:21🔗
Caller
And I have a problem with therapy because I just feel like I do a lot of reading and I feel that as far as the autobiographies I've read, therapists are just as screwed up as the patients they are treating. But Dr. Drew, I think you are God. I love you.
1:25:44🔗
Caller
I will never, ever have this opportunity to speak to the two of you again, and I'm honored you took my call.
1:25:50🔗
Drew
Are you going to die soon or something? Michelle, read my book, Cracked, and you'll get more of a sense of who caretakers are and what things feel like from a caretaker's perspective.
1:25:59🔗
Adam
And if you want to see Drew in the flesh, you can gas up an airplane and head out to... Are we going to Oregon or is it Portland? Orange. Orange. Orange this year to sign calendars for...
1:26:20🔗
Caller
Now I am a bartender, and I just wrote my first book, and I'm trying to get it published.
1:26:36🔗
Adam
Now I'm saying consonants or... Most books are a compilation of letters, if you really think about it. That's all a book is. You take letters, you compile them. Think about it, Drew. Maybe there's something I'm missing. If I'm missing, it's only, but I just see books, I see letters. Michelle, it's not like I see a bunch of numbers. They're symbols. I see letters. All right, so Michelle, listen. Here's what you need to do. You need to find a guy who doesn't flip your cookie at first glance.
1:27:26🔗
Caller
Well, no, I have never been married and I don't have any kids. And I'm getting to the point where I'm feeling like I've lost that, good for me, lost that ship. Yeah.
1:27:38🔗
Adam
OK, look, just find a guy who's not as exciting. The guys you're attracted to are the guys that are dangerous. And by the way, you not telling them something bizarre or scary about your past is not hiding the truth. Look at it this way. You're going on a date, you got to sit, right? What do you do? You put a little makeup on it, right? Is that hiding who you are? Yeah, you just want to make a good impression, right?
1:28:12🔗
Adam
And by the way, remember there was a time, I think it was a time when people used to dress up to go on airplanes where only certain people could write books, only certain people could record albums, only certain people could release like CDs or release records. Remember that? Like remember, remember when you were growing up, it's like, this guy wrote a book.
1:28:32🔗
Adam
Yeah. Now you talk to people like, I've written 22 books. You guys, you guys are giving you your coffee at Starbucks. You've written books into the thirties now. And by the way, better to have written four books than to have written 44 bucks.
1:28:48🔗
Adam
Or you're just a crazy man who's not really doing anything. But now everyone can record and everyone can write a book. Used to just be, oh my God, if you knew someone who had a record when you're a kid, like when your dad's friends had a, you know, record, had something with his face on or something, crazy, right? Celebrity.
1:29:12🔗
Adam
Right. Yeah. It's that way with TV. It's that way with books and movies. Like everyone's just like, yeah, I can do that. Yeah.
1:29:34🔗
Adam
Packed with letters, chock full of letters. We got letters. It's a virtual alphabet of letters. All right. You ready to rock here, Drew?
1:29:45🔗
I got the CD queued up, Adam.
1:29:50🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. Because as promised, it's time to play for another installment of Aces Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown. All right. Now here's how the game works, Jason. Ranchero music, some of the greatest music in the world. If you live out in Southern California, you probably hear it. Blaring from pickup trucks and job sites and things like that, dumpsters. Here's the thing, we, the accordion is very prominently displayed in ranchero music. Sort of the backbone of ranchero music is the accordion. We take a random ranchero song that engineer Michelle whips up and she fires it up at a random point in a random song and then we decide how long before you hear the accordion music. Drew, why don't you get started?
1:30:44🔗
Adam
When it fires up, first thing you hear, you're hearing accordion, all right? I'm going to put a zero by ears. That's instant, Drew. Jason, what do you got?
1:31:02🔗
Adam
Could go over. Yeah, it's a lifetime. I'm going to go in the middle. I'm going to go five seconds. Five seconds. All right. Now, don't play it yet, Michelle.
1:32:33🔗
Adam
That's what I'm saying, so maybe it was there, and maybe, there's a difference between rhythm accordion and lead accordion, that may have been rhythm accordion.
1:32:41🔗
Yeah, I think it was rhythm.
1:32:42🔗
Adam
All right, now we go. Three, two, one, go. Three seconds, three and a half seconds, all right, three and a half. Three and a half, well, the Ace man wins at three and a half. That's two nights.
1:33:02🔗
Adam
Well, after all, is that called Drew or Jason's Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown? It's called Ace's Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown. What do you get for that? Something called satisfaction.
1:33:20🔗
Drew
You always said since you got all those amazes, it's going to be a blowout to this guy.
1:33:26🔗
Adam
No, I'm not used to that. But seriously, if you could talk to Grazer and Howard about maybe spinning this off in a TV show, like a game show.
1:33:45🔗
Adam
Oh yeah. Let's just really sit back and drink that work. Let's take a little bit of a break. Jason Bateman here tonight from Arrested Development. We'll be right back after this. Love line. You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.
1:34:23🔗
Adam
Love line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Jason Bateman in tonight, Arrested Development, 830 Sunday nights on Fox. Five. Count them. Five big Emmys at the last Emmys. Mm-hmm.
1:34:59🔗
Caller
Recently, I met somebody. I have a six-year-old daughter and at her school, she's good friends with another girl, and the mother has recently started coming on to me, making suggestions, maybe, like we should get together, and I was in a relationship with another woman about 10 years ago for about a year, and then we kind of, you know, drifted apart and we ended it, and then I met and married my husband, and I'm still married right now, and, you know, I told my husband about it, and he doesn't feel that there's any problem with me going, you know, to this woman and, you know, having fun or doing whatever it is I need to do and then coming home.
1:35:43🔗
Adam
Mm-hmm. All right, so, hold on a second. Let's try to examine his motivation. I'm, here, I've got three things. One is... Checked out. Checked out, just doesn't, doesn't care. Probably not, but checked out, doesn't care. Two, sort of turned on, on it, by thinking he's gonna weave himself into the mix at some point.
1:36:06🔗
Drew
Wants to use it to his own benefit. Three, has a little something cooking himself and his son, no, no, no, no, go ahead.
1:36:14🔗
Jason Bateman
Well, what about four? What about if he's just very confident in the relationship and the like, well, you know, listen.
1:36:30🔗
Drew
I know, but it will ruin the relationship unless he's up to something. And if he cares about it all, he wouldn't want to put the relationship in trouble.
1:36:41🔗
Caller
I told him that there's absolutely no way, because when I was involved before with the other woman, I told him, I said, there's nothing in it for me to have a guy in there with it. And if this were to happen, it would just be her and I. And he says, I'm fine with that, because he knew before we got married that I had had this other relationship. And he said, I don't see that there's anything wrong.
1:37:37🔗
Caller
Yeah. You know, we have a lot of fun. We take vacations as a family. We're just happy. I think what I'm ultimately...
1:37:51🔗
Caller
Yeah, he was engaged before me and she cheated on him with another man and he broke off the engagement.
1:37:59🔗
How old is he?
1:38:31🔗
Adam
Just a kid. Okay. Well, Chelsea, you're presenting him as a very sane together guy. There's a part that's sort of missing. We'd rather not chance it. This kind of stuff really destabilizes relationships. Rarely. And you got a kid.
1:38:48🔗
Drew
Yeah, rarely, if ever, have I seen a long-term relationship survive with threesome. Particularly a committed relationship where you're trying to form a family. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work.
1:38:58🔗
Adam
And by the way, you got to look at what could possibly happen. You guys could have the time of your lives. You could start making plans for the following weekend.
1:39:07🔗
Adam
He's going to start trying to horn in on the action. Maybe he's with the guy. I don't know. I don't think any good can come of this. And here's the deal. I don't want to be a prude, but once you have a kid, you've now lost your right to screw around and do this. That's my feeling. Even if you're young, even if you're progressive, even if you're whatever, you have kids, you got to focus on the kids. If you did it, you would call us in six months and tell us what went wrong. Yes?
1:40:17🔗
Jason Bateman
How's your love life, Kara? I appreciate what you're saying, but we're trying to help people in need tonight. Do you have any ailment I could help you with with a song? Maybe Eternal Flame could work something out for you? Close your eyes.
1:40:37🔗
Jason Bateman
I actually put that song, my recording of that song on my wedding CD and didn't tell anybody it was me. I did it. I put on the CD cover, pseudonym Bobby Carmex. Everyone was like, who's this guy Bobby Carmex? It's this great cover of Eternal Sun or whatever it's called.
1:41:29🔗
Jason Bateman
I'll get rid of who? I'll get rid of them. That Will Arnett, he's out. He flaked on us tonight. He's gone.
1:41:39🔗
Jason Bateman
Well, don't say their names, because then that could be embarrassing for them. But you know what, everybody's like really different on the show. All the characters are different. We try to put a little something out there for everybody. So you just focus on the character I play and hide your eyes when it changes. But we need your ratings.
1:42:13🔗
Adam
And let me say this, and really take this in the spirit in which it's intended. You were great in the sweetest thing. But if you're the kind of person that saw Fit to See it 50 times, possibly.
1:42:27🔗
Adam
Well, we call it connoisseur of comedy. 25 times you have a doctorate in comedy, but 50, that's too many. We'll take a quick break. Jason Bateman here tonight. We'll be right back after this.
1:42:42🔗
Caller
Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.
1:43:16🔗
Adam
Well, many people to thank tonight, starting with the great Jason Bateman, Arrested Development, 8.30 Sunday Nights Fox. Always a delight. Thank you for coming in.
1:43:26🔗
Adam
You tell Will Arnett to kiss our hairy collective ass. And not that Drew's ass is hairy, but I got enough for the both of us. They're all rapists. There he is. That's what I hope is happening to him right now. So, I want to thank many people that made the show possible. I want to thank phone screener Brian, and phone screener Zeke or Zach or what? Ziggy, all right.
1:43:49🔗
Adam
I got to meet the man. Yeah, I went to Chief Running Bear. Thunder Bear, yeah. Doing a great job tonight for the H-Man.
1:43:57🔗
Adam
Yeah, engineeress Michelle for laughing and getting coffee for Thunder Bear and being fantastic. Engineer Anderson for doing a fantabulous job on the potentiometers. And of course, Junior, producer Lauren for bringing in some cookies, doing a great job, and of course, producer Ann. So until next time. Oh, who'd I miss? Who'd I miss? Oh, engineer.
1:44:29🔗
Adam
Yeah, God bless you, Shannon. And engineer Chris. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.
1:44:44🔗
Caller
This has been Love Line. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Love Line is Aningold. Love Line is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.