1:07🔗
Adam
Hopefully neither one of us are here because it's the Best Of. And we're all winners when we do the Best Of. We get to stay home. For me, I get to stare at the TiVo and get drunk.
1:19🔗
For Drew, he gets to follow his kids around and live his life vicariously through the eyes of three young, beautiful triplets.
1:33🔗
The Best Of Loveline.
2:03🔗
Adam
And I'm going to work on this. So forgive me, I'm going to be distracted for the next show and a half while I attempt to get my drawstring through my sweatpants here. All right, Drew, let's go now. We're at the halfway point. Let's break it down. Let's get a hand in. Break it down. Come on, gather around now. Grab a knee. Your helmet's not a chair, gentlemen. Brian. Oh yeah. Phone screener Brian does a little JV football coaching. He knows how to break it down. All right, let's go. Let's get started now. No, it's not a chair. The helmet is not a chair, gentlemen. They use that term loosely. Come on, ladies. That's right.
2:50🔗
Adam
Oh, people are not hearing that. Brian reminds me that if the helmet hits the ground, your head better be in it because it's not a chair. And by the way, that chair, not a helmet. No one ever tells you that. It's not like you're sitting around in science class and the teacher's like, hey, son, that chair.
3:13🔗
Adam
No, I mean, if they're, you know, it only stands to reason. If they're going to tell you that the helmet's not a chair. All right, let's go. Let's talk to Lynn. Yeah, what's going on?
3:25🔗
Break it down now.
3:33🔗
24 months now.
3:36🔗
Let's go.
3:39🔗
She was nine months.
3:40🔗
Nine months, beginning of life.
3:43🔗
Hospitalized for MRI pneumonia, intubated.
4:03🔗
Drew
She should be fine. I don't know of any evidence that suggests, in fact, even when babies are exposed to methadone in utero, like when they're still in the uterus, or even opiates, I know of no evidence that they're at a risk of opiate addiction later on.
4:15🔗
Okay, so my question is, is there something we're gonna have to worry about later on in life?
4:19🔗
Drew
I mean, it's a reasonable thing that people are trying to study these sorts of things, because one of the things that happens from opiates and benzodiazepines, like Versed, is that addict's brains change in response to these drugs. They change in ways that are permanent.
4:37🔗
Drew
But I don't know any evidence that it changes that early in life after limited periods of exposure, so I think you're all right, okay? And by the way, and by the way, is someone, is you or your husband an addict or alcoholic?
4:49🔗
No.
4:52🔗
Well, there's genetic history, but I think we'll be.
4:57🔗
Family members have been alcoholics.
5:08🔗
Yeah. All right, all right.
5:32🔗
Try to get the fluid out of your lung?
5:37🔗
Drew
It's breathing on behalf. If the child can't, well they'll be dead without a respirator. It supports their breathing.
5:54🔗
All right, good orgasm with all 75 previous partners.
6:01🔗
75.
6:02🔗
And?
6:07🔗
500.
6:07🔗
I think it's more than 600.
6:16🔗
Caller
Well, I'm having a problem with my current relationship. I've been with this guy for three months and I absolutely love him. I think he's the most wonderful thing in the world.
6:29🔗
And I'm having a problem.
6:33🔗
Caller
Everything is great except for our sex life. I've had more than my fair share, I should say, of sexual partners.
7:04🔗
Drew
I were to put the puzzle together here, okay? One of the things that starts to happen when people are sexually compulsive is that they, particularly women in my experience, will have a piece of themselves sort of split off, a piece of themselves, they feel sort of bad and sort of dirty. And they can only experience that part of themselves when they're with bad guys in these sort of sexual encounters. And they can function well sexually in those circumstances, but when they're with a good guy, they feel split off from that bad self and are ambivalent and can't really function sexually. They can't be sexual with a good guy. Is that sort of how you're feeling?
7:41🔗
Caller
I mean, the men that I've been with in the past, I mean, my father was just astounded that he didn't have any tattoos or piercings or anything.
7:53🔗
No, no, he's absolutely not.
7:55🔗
Drew
You've got to withhold, you've got to withhold from a good guy. And then you'll eventually start feeling resentful because that bad self won't have a chance to emerge. So you have to find a way to integrate these things and experience the total and with this person. And it also suggests some pretty heavy trauma growing up.
8:14🔗
Caller
I mean, I've, I kind of already knew that. When I was young, my dad left and didn't, pretty much didn't know how to be a father or no, or didn't want to be a father basically. But my mom married a man who, who had his own idea of perfection.
8:41🔗
Caller
Meaning sort of that my mom is very beautiful, as is my sister and myself. We're all very attractive family and, and he was very concerned with sort of having the trophy wife and the trophy daughters. And about a year ago, he decided that he didn't, he told me, he sat my mom down and said, I love you, but I don't want to be married anymore. It went out and got himself a 30 year old girlfriend. Mind you, I'm 25. My sister's 27. And, and sort of has now become this executive playboy, if you will.
9:21🔗
Drew
That's not about, yeah, that is nothing with perfection. That is the fact that he does not have relationships with women. They are merely objects for him to sort of act out upon. Yes, he's narcissistic for sure.
9:41🔗
Adam
Let me get the current story about stepdad running off with his secretary when she's 25. She's already been through 75 Patsy's at this point. We want to know something about when she was nine, but.
10:02🔗
Drew
And understand that that bad self needs to be integrated. You need to present the bad self to your present partner. He will accept it. He'll be fine with it. That bad part of her that feels bad and dirty, she needs to share with her new partner. He'll love it. He'll be fine with it.
10:51🔗
Caller
What do I do about our current sex life though? I mean, when we were together, he would last longer and now he doesn't. And he used to perform oral sex more often and now he just wants to have sex. And I don't really know sort of how to.
11:08🔗
Drew
No, I think it's also his head spinning. He doesn't know what to think here. He's all over the place. Look, and work hard in your therapy. Think about that part of yourself that you feel is dirty and will be rejected by him. Presenting that to him. Present that to him and see what happens. He'll be fine. So it's his problem. He's like, I've got oral sex, something happens. I have sex. Let's just have sex. You know what I mean? He can't seem to get his groove here.
11:44🔗
Hello?
11:48🔗
Caller
Well, basically my girlfriend and I, I have two other roommates, and whenever she and I have sex, we like them to watch, or we like somebody to watch. And we generally only have sex if there's somebody watching.
12:07🔗
Caller
Initially it was my idea because my ex and I sort of like to do it in public places where people could see, and I've kind of always wanted to do it where people did see.
12:18🔗
Adam
Yeah, well now, hold on a second. What, first off, when you say see, you mean just sitting on the sofa with their legs crossed or do you want them sort of peeking around the corner?
12:29🔗
Caller
No, basically just sitting like on a chair or anything where we're at the display and they're watching.
12:55🔗
Caller
Well, I was wondering why, like that's the only time we ever really have sex is when someone's watching. Otherwise it's kind of, you know, boring or just dumb.
13:10🔗
Drew
Well, here's what it means to me. And again, this can mean a lot of different things, but more often than not, this means that you need high levels of arousal in order to feel sexual. So, opiate addicts, or marijuana addicts even sometimes, when they're off their drug but not in recovery, will do this kind of thing. Physical abuse survivors will do this kind of thing because the arousal standards get kind of burned out. They get sort of diminished by physical abuse and by drugs. And so in order to feel the arousal, you have to have to create these extra situations. And so it's one of those two things.
13:46🔗
Adam
Yeah, I don't know, you know, to me, I had roommates who got laid every once in a while.
14:01🔗
Drew
And by the way, people who haven't been listening for an hour would wonder where that came from.
14:06🔗
Adam
Yeah, they would. Well, that's why you gotta listen to the whole show. Yeah, I'd hear them going at it in the living room every once in a while and just come down the hole and peek my head around the corner. But I'd be uncomfortable, I think, if they just asked me to sit down and just, you know, take notes. It'd be weird. You know, I don't mind the fly on the wall kind of thing, but when you just, you know, hunker down in between the two of them, they're going at it.
14:39🔗
Adam
I had a roommate that got a lot of action, you know? What am I going to do? It was one bedroom apartment, you know, 20 years old. We had the Murphy bed where the, it was a sofa that folded out. And by the way, let me say this to anyone who manufactures sofas that fold out into beds because I happened to purchase one a few years back and the only problem with it is the giant steel arched bar that goes through the center of it. That, it's not enough that it just technically folds out in a bed, you have to be able to sleep on the goddamn thing. I mean, some of those fold out sofas, really it's like pieces of metal and stuff that are going through, going through the thing. Plus the sofa's weighs like, weighs as much as like iron side.
15:31🔗
Adam
Like someone put a tortilla on a bear trap and told you to go to bed. But anyway, the one at my house is comical because it literally has a bowed bar that just goes down the center of the thing with the tortilla thickness mattress over the top. But anyway, yeah, what you end up doing is just pull the mattress, put it on the floor and then OK. But but it took you 45 minutes to unfold the thing. Here's what I'm saying. One of the legs on the fold out sofa that fold down those two legs sort of fold out, go down. Yes, it didn't sit right.
16:07🔗
Adam
Yeah. So this guy get a little head of steam going. It was like somebody was taking a mop handle and banging it on the floor.
16:14🔗
Adam
The guy underneath us, Al. He always knew what was happening in there. He anyway, he we so, you know, you'd hear that. It's a dinner bell was ringing. Me and the wheeze head out in the hall, see what was going on. Sure. Why not? Remember one time old Al who lived beneath us. It was just one of these creepy, weird dudes that you seem to run into when you're young. And now if you saw him, you just go to the other side of the street. But you're stuck with the weird guy with the weird dog and the windbreaker, sat out there with the beer koozie and the Coors watering the lawn every day. And I like the guy, by the way, who has the 50 cent Coors foam beer koozie that he's had for 22 years. I mean, you could see the guy's fingerprints carved out of the sink. You could barely read what kind of beer it was. It was like a 50 cent item that he ain't parting with. That's a class move. Yeah, this guy, weird dude, weird dude. Anyway, he once showed up one day at the door with a box filled with dildos and butt plugs and crazy stuff. I mean, big novelty stuff with cranks on it, big spade butt shaped butt plugs and a big box is a bounty of butt plugs. And we're like, what's up, Al? And he's like, yeah, neighbor from down the hole moved out and turned out it left all this stuff behind. So I thought you kids might. Yeah. And he's also one of these dudes, too, who would always do this one. Hey, listen, you got a lot of girls, a lot of pretty young girls going up to the apartment. Send one down my way. I was like that one. Send one down. Yeah. Like some super smoking hot 19 year old from Encino. Hey, Tammy. Yeah, I know our 62 year old chain smoking weirdo underneath us just wearing the pomade with. Yeah. Yeah. The blue windbreaker and the mangy dog. That should go down there and F him. Yeah. I told him I'd send you down. Give him some oral, maybe. Weirdo, dude. What's everyone a weirdo for? Kept the hose. He was the manager. He got to be managed, you know, so he probably had his rent cut in half, but he policed the place, you know, and he would just sit around with his skipper and his dog, his dog skipper, and he had his prized possession was the 100 foot hose on the PVC rack that rolled up. You know, he kept that inside of his house, kept it. I want to borrow it one day to hose off the porch. You wouldn't lend it to me. I've been living above the guy for three years like, no, I'll do it.
19:17🔗
Adam
I didn't kill Skipper. I want to kill myself ten minutes into Al's, you know, beer fueled. The guy doesn't talk to you for three years and then he's got to open up. I should I should borrow that kind of kill myself.
19:34🔗
Adam
Weirdo. Oh, my God. He's carrying tucked into his pants all the time. Yeah. So is his patrolling. He'd show it to me. It's really weird, old, weird loner dudes, you know, and his son used to come over and his son like more the windbreaker and had the same glasses like an SNL sketch. You know, like the junior version of him. Yeah. Maureen. I'm having a flashback. Maureen. You're twenty one.
20:06🔗
Caller
Well, you know, in the morning I wake up, I say hi to my husband and my kids and stuff. And all throughout the day I give him subtle hints that, you know, I want to make love to him that night and then, you know, all throughout the day. And then all of a sudden at nine o'clock he's out.
20:45🔗
Adam
Hold on. Hold on. Newsflash seven, seven thirty. That's getting up in the morning, by the way. Yeah. I mean, you may not be milking, milking the cows at sunrise, but getting up at seven, seven thirty is I don't consider that's not really sleeping in, is it?
21:02🔗
Drew
No, but but it's also not, you know, you still could hang out till ten, eleven o'clock at night.
21:10🔗
Adam
Yeah. So what's wrong with you? You're twenty one. You're calling from Bakersfield. There's got there's trouble.
21:31🔗
Drew
Well, because you're always Adam about it. But how often do you think he'd want it? Oh, well, that gives me a very clear answer.
21:41🔗
Adam
Maureen just sounds like albino trash, just super white trash. Here's the thing, too, by the way, husbands and wives. One person becomes the chicken and the other becomes the chicken hawk. And that's just how it is. Don't expect the chicken to ask the chicken just sort of on the run from the chicken hawk. It's a strange thing.
22:04🔗
Drew
But this is because this is what happened because the one is always good to go. And the other one is stepping up beyond their comfort zone to try to meet up with the chicken hawk.
22:15🔗
Adam
But even even that, even just sort of emotionally, psychologically or or or or dynamically, it's just one person becomes the person that wants sex and the other person is the person that sort of puts them off. And then they both get into the role. And the person that wants sex probably wants sex more than they normally would have wanted sex because they're sort of that's the role. And the person that's sort of not wanting sex at a certain point is is turning them away and they don't even know why. It's just like, oh, here you come again. So it's almost they take that role. And I think certainly when the woman becomes the aggressor, this is one thing that happens. I think it happens with women too. So this guy's probably plus he's 42 could be starting to slow it down a little. A man of Drew's exquisite passion couldn't understand that. But at age 42, he's whining in a little, whining it up. And Maureen sounds nutty. Maureen.
23:11🔗
Drew
He's not drinking at night and going to bed drunk or something like that? And why don't you go to bed with him since you know he's going to go to bed around nine o'clock. Why don't you get the kids in bed early and plan for that?
23:29🔗
Drew
Why don't you plan for him going to bed early? You plan with him. You get up extra early and do your work in the morning.
23:54🔗
Caller
Because if the kids are asleep, I can clean the house and get things done. If they're not.
24:03🔗
Caller
Well, that's the thing. After the kids go to sleep, that's when I try to get my work done. But if it's not done then, I have to get up early.
24:12🔗
Adam
Listen, idiot. You just said you got up at 4.30. It's the only time you could get your stuff done. And then you just went ahead and said, well, you got to get the kids to bed because the only time you can get anything done is at night. So which is it?
24:25🔗
Caller
It depends on how early they wake up because, let's see, one is only a year old and he wakes up about, well, 5 o'clock.
24:45🔗
Caller
The thing is, I'm very disorganized so I'm having a real hard time getting organized because every second I got to take care of the kids or something's going on.
25:20🔗
Adam
Yeah, because you don't want, you don't want, the kids don't want to be around depressed around me.
25:28🔗
Drew
No, not therapy. How about some, you may, you may be a medication candidate. You may need something pretty simple here.
25:54🔗
Adam
Listen. People are like, they're almost held bent on their life not working out. We got to take a break. But OK. Look, what? I don't know what to do. Then do nothing. Do nothing. All right. I'm going to yell it more. We got to get back.
26:23🔗
Caller
Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast. No matter where you are, if you drive under the influence, you will be arrested. You drink and drive, you lose.
26:49🔗
Adam
I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, 10 hours and 40 minutes from Los Angeles to De Gaulle in France, and 3,600 miles from New York to Paris, and 2,400 from LA to New York. Seems short, but I buy it. All right, now we settled that.
27:30🔗
Hi.
27:34🔗
Now, I just got off work.
27:56🔗
3,452.
28:09🔗
I looked at the wrong thing, I'm sorry.
28:11🔗
Adam
That's all right, that's from JFK to Paris. And then what about Los Angeles to JFK? Do you know what that number is?
28:21🔗
Adam
All right. All right. No help. Other than we did, we did shave almost 200 miles off of that one. Then that's actually making a little more sense. Back to the phones we go. I'll speak to Parker, who's 23. Parker? What's up?
28:44🔗
Caller
I've got a six-year-old girlfriend that starting to have a little stronger feelings for me than I'm having for her.
29:13🔗
Adam
By the way, I can't believe she got to be some kind of desperate to be into Parker. He must be some good-looking guy.
29:25🔗
Drew
It's funny how when you just have the voice, you don't get encumbered by any of that stuff.
29:50🔗
Caller
No, not really. Actually, generally, I've dated people, girls that have been like one or two years different from me.
30:14🔗
Adam
So Parker, I don't understand. She's getting serious. You're not that into her or you are into her?
30:22🔗
Caller
Well, I'm not into her. I think that she's kind of developing feelings really fast. I don't know if it's just something I should stay away from because she's getting feelings really fast. I'm not saying that I'm not going to develop those feelings.
30:36🔗
Adam
Here's the, it's got a bad line. So I'm putting them on hold, but you can hear us. Here's the thing. To me, 23, 36, 17 year old daughter sounds like, I don't know, I just think when you're a 23 year old guy, you should just be a 23 year old guy.
30:56🔗
Drew
Right. He's closer to a peer age of the daughter than the mom. The daughter is six years younger, the mom is 13 years older. Right. This is going to be trouble for mom, no matter what. He's kind of not into it. It's kind of like, you know, sort of exploiting her. She's really getting involved fast and he doesn't really care about that. What are you going to do?
31:14🔗
Adam
She's in a position where she's 36. She's probably feeling like the clock is ticking a little in terms of getting married a second time or doing whatever. She's, you know, 40s around the corner. And Parker just seems like he's not that into it. And here's the whole thing. When you're 23, you can dick around with a hot 19 or 20 year old. They're made of silly putty. They bounce right back. They got no problem. They don't have a care in the world, these people. When you got the mom that's been through a couple bad relationships, has got a kid or two and is looking a little long in the tooth, you can't screw around with that.
31:54🔗
Drew
And by the way, mom was pregnant by 18, so daughter is right about on course now. And Parker could be the one served up for those purposes.
32:13🔗
Adam
Look, if this woman is the woman of your dreams and you're very much in love with her, Mazel Tov.
32:20🔗
Adam
If you sort of got one foot in and one foot out, I'm telling you, pull the other foot out and get going.
32:28🔗
Hello?
32:32🔗
Caller
I've been married for about a year and a half, and I said we haven't had sex, but actually I haven't had much sex since we've been married. Our sex life was great before we were married.
32:44🔗
Caller
I don't know. I think we just got used to each other too much, or we did everything we possibly could.
32:49🔗
What's that mean?
32:52🔗
Drew
Before you got married, you did? Or you tried to in order to try to get things rekindled?
32:57🔗
Caller
So now it's just really dropped off. To the point now ever since probably January, we haven't had much sex at all.
33:05🔗
Adam
Well, listen, Drew is a man of exquisite passion. I barely have a pulse, so I should probably take this one.
33:17🔗
Adam
Drew, go give me some volume and quiet down. Let me handle this thing. All right. Who do you think has initiated the no sex zone? Do you think it's you or do you think it's her?
33:39🔗
Adam
Right. You've slowed down. It's like, here's what it's like. It's like when you start starving yourself, your metabolism slows down in order to deal with it. Because if you were just, if it was moving like it was, it would just start, you'd start eating your own bones. Yeah. Which, by the way, if Jim could get to his own bone, he would take the edge off. So she did this. And you don't have any, any. And she was hypersexual before. We both were. Ooh.
34:05🔗
Adam
Well, you're, well, you say, you say, hold on a second, Drew. You say you both were, but that you would be that way now if she was that way again. You're just going along with it.
34:14🔗
Caller
No, we both just kind of fell off. And now I think we're to the point where we're OK not having sex.
34:34🔗
Drew
No, I don't either. But this is all the earmarks of those bipolar qualities and people are sexually compulsive.
34:42🔗
Caller
Um, there are some possibilities of when she was younger, her stepfather might have molested her a little bit.
34:54🔗
Caller
Well, some of the stories he tells me aren't exactly molestation stories, but they're hearsay. Here and there, he touched me here. He may have touched me there.
35:04🔗
Adam
Creepy stepdad, to say the least. That's enough. Yeah, that's enough. And by the way, just having. We've talked about this a bunch of times, but the idea of you're getting out of the shower and making your way to the bedroom, creepy stepdad lowers his sports page and is leering at you. Just living under the same roof with that a-hole.
35:25🔗
Adam
Imagine that kind of constant pressure. You're a 12 year old girl. How freaky is that got to be? It's like, I know he's probably not going to try to F me, but I know if I let him, he would feel my boobs. How freaky does that have to be? And by the way, how must it shape your opinion of men?
36:08🔗
Adam
Never? Can she get some therapy? You guys are, you know, newly married. How about you? You're going to work on a little bit. Yeah. And here's the thing, everybody.
36:20🔗
Adam
Got to draw a metaphor here. Everything worth having takes a little upkeep and a little maintenance. You want a nice house. You got to get the gardener. You got to paint the place every so often. You got to exterminate the, you know, you got to get rid of the termites. A nice car. You got to put a coat of wax on. You got to change the oil. There's, there's upkeep. Everything worth having in life has a certain upkeep aspect to it.
36:44🔗
Adam
A boat. Whatever. Whatever it is you want, boat, car, house, you name your thing. I'm going to, hobby, sport, whatever, there's going to be some work involved with keeping it running right. Whatever. Relationship, no different. If you're lucky, you get a nice reliable, uh, Camry that doesn't really take too much. Even the Camry, you got to drop off over at the Jiffy Lube every once in a while and change the oil and rotate the tire. Okay?
37:13🔗
Adam
20 or four year old, new relationship or newlywed, put a little in, put a coat of paint on it. Yes?
37:42🔗
Drew
Wow. Boy, that's, that is, she needs to, we need to wake her up and get a sleep study done. She needs a CPAP.
37:50🔗
Adam
Sounds like a big gap. Sounds hot. I mean, so what will the beast eat her and fell asleep on the sofa? If I was like thinking about robbing the house, I heard that coming from under the front door. I just I'd go to the next town. Like there's a troll or bear or something.
38:27🔗
Adam
By the way, they have all these things, these theft deterrent things, dogs barking and sirens and stuff. How about just the sound of 500 pound biker drunk and knotted off on the sofa? You can picture a guy in a leather-
38:43🔗
Adam
Picture a guy in a leather vest with a sawed-off shotgun in his lap and a beer in his hand and he just dozed off. You'd go to the next house, right?
38:58🔗
Adam
She's been on hold for 76 minutes. Probably fell asleep about the time I started with Chief Thunderberry.
39:17🔗
Adam
Yeah, it doesn't suggest petite. Now, now, if she has the �phone up around her face, it probably means that the receiver, the ear part, is ive never near her ear. Right?
40:01🔗
Adam
It seems like it caused a little movement. Let's take a break. We'll get back with Mary. It sort of, it shut her up. As somebody who's the world's lightest sleeper, I'm constantly amazed at those who can nod off in the upright position with phones of theirs and stuff. She must have heard her, obviously heard her name on some level. She heard something or she wouldn't have stopped, right? All right. Thanks for that commitment, Drew. We'll get back with Mary and then you and me and us all after this. And we move forward with the show, Drew, yes?
41:03🔗
Drew
Yes. Well, we're sort of moving forward. We're going to go back to Sarah and move forward.
41:13🔗
Adam
Maybe junior, junior college. Is there a one-year college that's like an annex of a junior college?
41:27🔗
Adam
A trailer that's up on pier blocks like out in the parking lot of the junior college. Sarah.
41:37🔗
Adam
Well, look, I didn't want to get into this anymore. I don't like your stepmom, but I understand why she doesn't like you as well. So here's the thing. Here's the deal. Are you living at home?
41:54🔗
Caller
Well, no, it's just like whenever I call my dad's house, he wants me to acknowledge her and I don't acknowledge her at all. And I don't think I deserve, I don't think I have to do that.
42:04🔗
Drew
And you harken it all back. You, it's all that is, is a hard feelings you have about her yelling at you about something kind of goofy when you were six years old.
42:14🔗
Caller
Well, she, she used to, she used to kick me and my sister's ass. Okay. And then before we left for the weekend to go back to my mom's house, we would have to kiss her.
42:34🔗
Adam
All right, Sarah, I'm sorry you have an evil stepmother. I do believe she's a bad person.
42:44🔗
Adam
And you can not acknowledge her. And if your dad can't respect or acknowledge that, then you may have to cut him off for a little bit too.
43:02🔗
Adam
All right. Well, now let's talk about you now. A, let's turn down the goddamn radio. B, what is going on? You're going to junior college. That's a disaster. What else?
43:41🔗
Adam
Really? Are you using one of those buffers? Oh, and not interesting to you that I knew the equipment that you were using?
43:51🔗
Kind of.
43:58🔗
Yeah.
44:34🔗
Drew
But this grandiose, what happens when you've been physically abused? You gotta be, as I've said before, you've asked me to bring up my patients that have been sexually or physically abused feel like a piece of ass around which the whole world revolves.
44:50🔗
Adam
Okay, Sarah, everybody. Let me just take a moment and give you some words to live by. You owe nothing to your parents if they weren't good parents. You owe everything to them if they were great parents. And then it's whatever's in between. I mean, quite honestly, if your parents were a four and a half or a five on the parenting scale, and you gotta be honest, you gotta stand back and look at it, then you can be a four or a five on the child.
45:21🔗
Adam
No, my, listen, my parents know that by their own admission, they were like, three, three and a quarter. Now I give them about a two and a half.
45:31🔗
Adam
Everyone's happy. I got a little interest for all the therapy I'm going through. And there you go. If your stepmom was a one or a minus one, then that's what she gets. Your dad was a three, you give her a three. That's what he has. He doesn't have a daughter, he has a three. It's about a third of a daughter. Fine. Work hard, get your crap together, and punish them by being successful. Not by getting high and having to move back in in the garage.
45:58🔗
Caller
Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?
46:52🔗
Adam
Hey everybody, Love Line. I'm Adam. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, let's speak to Sasha, who's 14.
47:08🔗
Drew
Well, she has to write a paper. Yeah, she wrote a paper tonight, and she's waiting for us to get to her.
47:13🔗
Adam
Yeesh. What do you have to do with those oral reports? Do you get to bring up, like, three by five cards?
47:32🔗
Caller
Yeah, I tried, but it's, like, not applicable to the topic that we're doing right now.
47:55🔗
Adam
No, no, I know, I know you got to, yeah, right, anyway, I don't know why, I don't know why by talking to people.
48:12🔗
Drew
There's a book called The General Theory of Love that's about 200 pages that goes through a systematic discussion of what the brain mechanisms are possibly, probably, related to this phenomenon, a general theory of love. And there are... Yes, they've terribly... Listen, first of all, all the literature, all the world's literature is packed with discussions about, at least the sort of romantic literature about what this thing is, an exploration, the philosophical explorations. The reality is now they're zeroing in on certain brain mechanisms. Really? And there are functional MRI scans, and there's differences in terms of how men and women experience these things. It's experiences at different phases of life, different, the different kinds of relationships, different depending on your history of your close relationships and whether you've been traumatized. So it's a terribly, terribly complex topic. But I would think the web would be a source for this, at least for the MRI, sort of, you know, look up the cingulate gyrus in the brain. That's one of the areas where these, and the anus.
49:13🔗
Drew
These are where these sort of attachment phenomenon occur, and attachment is thought to be a critical issue in the love experience.
49:19🔗
Drew
Yeah, it's actually very, it can be very boring if you really break it down to what the brain's doing.
49:34🔗
Drew
Well, here's the deal. Did you look on the web? No, not applicable. What have you got so far? Well, open the dictionary.
49:58🔗
Adam
Everything was sort of like... She was one of these... There's these people out there. You get halfway into your thing and they start shutting it down. You know, you start going, well, and they just start going... They have two modes. Either they misunderstand or they just sort of don't listen or they just sort of...
50:24🔗
Adam
Well, did you look... They don't have anything. Well, good luck. But here's the thing. Sasha called the show looking for answers about love. Instead, I think she learned very important answers about attitude. Ah. That's what she needed. All right. And we don't have a good answer anyway.
50:54🔗
Drew
She's got to go to the Web and actually do some research. Actually do it. And start with the general theory of love. Maybe there's a synopsis of the book online.
51:42🔗
Caller
Well, we're from Russia, so we just moved here like three years ago, so she doesn't have the right visa to have a right to work.
52:16🔗
Caller
Well, I remember a lot of stuff, but not really enough to have a very big emotional attachment to it.
52:24🔗
Drew
Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. You couldn't have a bigger emotional attachment. Those are when emotional attachments are very terribly intense.
52:32🔗
Drew
11 and under, of course. Those are the most powerful imprints on your brain during those years.
52:40🔗
Caller
Well, but I was like a lonely kid when I was in Russia, but when I moved here, I got lots of friends.
52:49🔗
Caller
Well, because that's just like my homeland. You just like it better than the one you have now, I guess.
53:00🔗
Caller
Well, not crappy, and not, like, not no friends at all. I had friends. I have more friends here because people are friendlier.
53:10🔗
Adam
Are they? And by the way, she doesn't really have any accent. Shouldn't you have some accent?
53:31🔗
Caller
Well, it's like you walk down the street and people are smiling at you. I don't see a reason for people to smile. And in Russia, people don't smile at you randomly.
53:43🔗
Caller
It's like right in the middle where Europe and Asia meet. It's like the city is called Yekaterinburg.
53:52🔗
Adam
Oh, now Drew's been there. He went there on a sex story he was telling me about during the break. Hold on a second, Sasha. Sasha's smart, but she's angry. And that's what I think I sensed the first time around.
54:06🔗
Drew
But it's almost a, it's like it's something out of a Woody Allen film or something. Like she's some sort of character out of it. Like people should not smile. It's like, what's the smile for? Why are you smiling?
54:35🔗
Adam
And there's not many 14-year-olds that talk about, you know, why people are smiling and how they don't smile.
54:40🔗
Caller
Well, it's just scary when you're walking down the street and people just look, randomly smile at you. It's not something you'd expect, usually.
54:52🔗
Caller
Well, I guess, but... Well, I went back during the summer and I kind of got very acquainted with everything.
55:22🔗
Adam
All right, listen, let me give you some sage advice and forget about this. By the way, in this country, I'm looked at as a deity. I'm a bit of a god. So maybe you hadn't heard of me in Russia, but I'm huge over here stateside.
55:43🔗
Adam
So listen, here's the thing, Sasha. You're super smart. I bet you're cute. You got a lot going for you. But sometimes being smart doesn't mean being happy. As a matter of fact, smart is not the friend of happiness. Often times it turns on happy and beats the crap out of it. Because smart looks at happy and says, you think you're happy? Where'd you get that haircut? And look at you. You're 10 pounds overweight. And you know, you got some friends, but you don't got that many. And they ain't that smart. And they ain't that happy. And actually, you know, happy don't feel too good about himself. Right. That's what smart does to happy. You know, let me tell you.
56:27🔗
Drew
Because he would have kicked happy's ass. And would have upset the balance of the whole thing.
56:31🔗
Adam
Sasha is real long on smart and kind of short on happy. And ultimately, whereas the smart people walk around passing judgment and letting everyone know how much smarter they are than everyone, ultimately jokes on them because they went through a life without any happiness. So, eh.
56:51🔗
Drew
I think you're giving a very, very important message to the American youth, which is don't be smart.
56:55🔗
Adam
That's right. And don't crack, don't crack wise. No, there's, it's, it's one thing to accumulate knowledge. That's fine. That's an important thing. You should go out and experience and learn as much as you can. But when you put the, when you put a bigger emphasis on smart than you do on happy, people need to focus on happy. If people are smiling, you should smile back. It's a better, it's a better life.
57:23🔗
Drew
You know what, so qué interesting that ĺ the whole notion of love for Sasha is something terribly mysterious and confusing. It's like, what could they possibly mean?
57:32🔗
Adam
I looked in the dictionary Sasha's smart and a little bit angry. Icy cold and drum and icy cold colder than the Russian front that they used to threaten I'm threatened to send Colonel Clink to all the time. Colder than a-
57:51🔗
Adam
I was going to say a Siberian parking block. All right, so here's the point. Oh, you can't tell or not. It's never going to work. I just don't know what to do. What do you do with Sasha? Center space camp?
58:11🔗
Caller
You know, he was writing the music for that new band or whatever and that they had pretty good.
58:21🔗
Adam
God forbid we put one of the Loveline callers on the air for more than four words without them knowing it. The S, the S-bomb gets dropped.
58:35🔗
Adam
Well, I'm sure we missed out on six F-bombs and three S's in the time and maybe an N word in the time we put her on hold. All right, but that's not her fault. So we're not going to punish her. We're going to go back to her, Drew.
58:50🔗
Best Of
Why is it not her fault? It's not her fault because she didn't know she was on the air. Oh, yeah.
59:03🔗
Caller
Oh, come on. When do you think that you'll get to talk to her next or? I wouldn't push it if he wants to. He's totally disregarding you. And you guys have had this really.
1:00:01🔗
Adam
Let me explain something, Drew. 30 seconds, a lifetime to someone who has profanity flying from their mouth constantly.
1:00:15🔗
Adam
Man, when you said 30, I immediately, I mean, Chris, your witness, I went under. I said go under.
1:00:22🔗
Adam
Oh, no. And that was, that was a little, I would have put it more at about 16, 17 seconds, but that was literally four and a half seconds. Now Anderson, did you?
1:01:05🔗
Caller
Like, and he's like, yeah, there are things that I also want to do for you. Yeah. Like, what? You're the one that, you know, want to do. Like, that's what guys do. It's so annoying. Like, that's what guys do.
1:01:28🔗
Adam
Yeah. The f-word came about 21 seconds into it, although it was only her third word. Her friend was doing most of the talking. Yeah. So, it was hard to figure out where to start the clock there because, you know, her friend was talking the whole time.
1:02:36🔗
Caller
If her friend is talking, as soon as she starts talking, I'll play the clock ticking and we'll know. Look.
1:02:47🔗
Adam
I got to put them on hold the second I hear the first one. And Anderson's got to dump it.
1:03:19🔗
Adam
I'm going to I'm going to push the button when the clock gets to straight up at 11 17.
1:03:47🔗
Drew
Well, you know, Dr. Page, we noticed a certain meter and quality to your speech, and we'd ask you to refrain from using some of the great embellishment of speech that colors your language every about fifth word while you're on the air.
1:04:07🔗
Adam
Nice prep place to send the kids. That's all right. Now, how did it happen that we could hear you, but you couldn't hear us?
1:04:16🔗
Caller
You know, that's really bizarre. I was kind of thinking the same thing. I'm totally embarrassed right now.
1:04:35🔗
Caller
That was the most random thing. Like, I just had an old friend, like, stop by, and it was absolutely crazy, and I was like, you know, I finally got through. By the way, sorry.
1:05:15🔗
Caller
I don't know. I don't, I don't think I'm really skinny, but that's probably just a girl thing to say. You know, thank you, Adam. I do have a big nose.
1:05:29🔗
Drew
Ooh, dude, Paige. Didn't we just ask for the, to hold the, hold the color down? Rhetoric, not elocution, rhetoric. That's what she majors in.
1:06:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. What did that, but she, she sound like an articulate, I know, no, I know, I know you're laughing, but I mean, once she was aware she was on the air, she, she can only hold together for so long.
1:06:13🔗
Adam
Well, it's true. It had been a whole 36 seconds. We could have dropped the f-bomb. All right, Paige, you got to hang on a second because we're going to have to.
1:06:47🔗
Adam
I'm scared whenever she starts talking that she's going to let the F-bomb fly. All I said was chicks that are designers, I got skinny. I didn't say tall. Just skinny with a big schnoz.
1:07:12🔗
Caller
Well, I was basically, I'm curious to see if I masturbate a lot. Well, you know, like some days I do, like every other day, I probably don't. But when I do, I do it like four or five times. I don't touch myself, though I use a vibrator. I've never had an orgasm during sex. So, I want to know basically, ever since I lost my virginity at a very young age, and it wasn't the best experience, of course.
1:07:57🔗
Caller
It was my brother's best friend. He's been a friend of the family for several years. We'd grown up together. He was really cool and always made my brother be nice to me.
1:08:37🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. My rule is, is when I hear no comment from one of the callers, later on that night, I go home, I beat off and I drink red wine.
1:09:00🔗
Adam
Because I'll get home and I'll be like, wait a minute. Did I hear no comment? I'm going to pour some wine and pull my junk out. You're going to cover myself. You don't know. You could get burned.
1:10:24🔗
Adam
That's right. I would say that too. Money, but you can't buy, can't buy the love kind of thing. Dad all over the place, mom professional.
1:10:36🔗
Adam
And so you grow up smart, you kind of grow up fast and a little angry. So she's like smart, little angry.
1:11:31🔗
Adam
It's Loveline. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, Alana is 22. Fiance likes porn. She wants to watch with him. He wants to do it alone.
1:12:04🔗
Drew
We were sort of hit with the little girl voice when you started talking to us at the very beginning.
1:12:08🔗
Caller
I know a lot of people always mistake me on the phone. They always ask me, well, is your mom home?
1:12:22🔗
Caller
No, well, there was this thing with this when I was 15, with this guy that was 30, but I had therapy and stuff for that.
1:12:39🔗
Caller
Well, when I was 15, I was working one of my first jobs as a grocery bagger. Pretty much that's the only job that 15-year-olds can get. And there was a guy that worked there who was 30. And it just started out as kind of like flirting and stuff. And then eventually we ended up having this. I basically lost my virginity to him and what not.
1:13:07🔗
Caller
Well, I lost my virginity to him and had a weird nine-month relationship. And then I broke it off and then I started feeling really weird about it. And I started dating this one guy a couple of months after I broke it off with the older guy. And he's the one guy kind of, you know, I opened up to him and he got me to go to the rape crisis. And I did a whole police report on him.
1:13:28🔗
But that's what happened.
1:13:30🔗
Adam
That's nice. And did the guy get weird, the 30-year-old guy, when you broke it off with him?
1:13:35🔗
Caller
Well, I mean, of course, you know, when you're 15, there's all that drama like, oh, you know, I really love this person, but you have no idea what love is when you're 15. And so there is all that kind of drama. But he got over it, and I ended up finding out with the police department that he had something like this similar, like this happened with him and a 12-year-old that they couldn't have given enough evidence to prove it.
1:14:12🔗
Caller
No, I'm being real with you guys. I watch your show, and I wouldn't try and hide something.
1:14:17🔗
Drew
We're just checking. There were times we wouldn't believe that, and there were times we would.
1:14:28🔗
Caller
No. My parents went through a divorce last summer after about 20 years together, and he wanted me to pick sides, and I refused to, and so he kind of has shut me out of his life now.
1:14:47🔗
Caller
Well, the question is, my fiance, he likes to, you know, with this new internet age and everything, downloading is really convenient, and he downloads, I mean, I'm not kidding, like 900 or 1,000 videos of porn, and some of it's really offensive, like we're talking freaky, weird stuff that I wouldn't even mention. Just think of whatever the grossest thing you could think of and times that by 100.
1:15:18🔗
Caller
No, no, no, thank God, no, no. I would be running away screaming at ouselves what the hell is going on.
1:15:23🔗
Adam
Yeah, she wouldn't do that. All right, so he's downloading all this sort of deviant porn. And sharing that with you at least. Well, not sharing the actual porn, but at least the knowledge that he's downloading the porn with you.
1:15:39🔗
Caller
Well, no, I kind of, since we share a computer, he didn't really try to hide it. And I found it and was like, you know, I approached him. I said, well, is this the kind of stuff that you're interested in? And he was like, well, no, I'm just curious. Like, I just know. And I asked him, well, you know, some of it's really offensive. Why don't you just delete it when you see how disgusting it is? He's like, well, I don't know. He just kind of avoids the whole conversation. Well, like weird insertion stuff and weird, like, like ten guys with one girl, you know, fill every hole.
1:16:19🔗
Drew
Strangely, you could hang with this guy, but couldn't hang with the guy that was up during the oral session.
1:16:23🔗
Adam
We could hang. Look, here's the thing. Guys feel a little weird about the porn thing. And it's sort of like when their dad says, like, come on, son, I'll take you to a strip joint. It's kind of like, I want to go to a strip club. I like you, dad. We can go to a ball game. But this feels weird because this is this is kind of my own thing.
1:16:50🔗
Adam
Yeah. And so do not try to get involved with him and his his his hobbies. But but here's the thing. By all means, you can you can set some limits and you can tell him the way certain things make you feel. And you know, you're very even keeled about this stuff. Most are our callers and listeners would not be spinning about this.
1:17:12🔗
Drew
And you sounded very appropriate. You call this disgusting and inappropriate. And then so be it. It is. Just ask him to kind of keep it.
1:17:27🔗
Adam
Take it. Slow it down just a little bit. No need to get married. And by the way, all this stuff is a misdemeanor before you get married. It becomes a felony later on when you start having kids and you get locked in. And the guys mincing around in your underpants, you know, you come home early from work one day, he's wearing your underpants. He's telling you, he's just curious. You know what I mean? Here's what it is. Men and women, this courtship stuff, this is a test drive that's got to go on over a few years. Yeah. Or you got to be older, in which case you got to know a little more about how the car works. Because you don't want to get a lemon six months into it. And a lot of stuff doesn't present itself for a while. You know what I'm saying? Right. And for a lot of people, when you get married at 19 or 20 or 21, they're just beginning to get into their ass at 20, 21. It's not hit its stride. For some people doesn't hit their stride until it's like 26, 27. It's like they're not busy growing and effing up. You want to know that all the eff up is out of them before it's time to actually put them in action.
1:18:37🔗
Adam
Yeah. Males especially. Males still got plenty of energy left. They'll still be spinning off in a certain direction. You may just caught them at the very beginning of the spin cycle. Yeah, yeah. Emily, oops.
1:19:02🔗
Caller
Well, I actually called last week about the chances of getting pregnant if you take the pill continuously.
1:19:09🔗
Caller
Anyway, so that weekend was not the first time that I slept with this guy. But then that particular weekend, he voluntarily packed a bag and drove down to hang out with me. And he stayed Friday night and Saturday night and left on Mother's Day.
1:19:27🔗
Adam
He voluntarily did that, huh? Are you sure it's not part of, you know, some sort of proclamation from the state where he had a work off certain amount of community hours or something? It was a community service thing. That's happened to me.
1:19:44🔗
Caller
But I just said, you know, come down and hang out. And he ended up, I mean, he was like, OK, I'm going to pack a bag and come down. And that surprised me, you know.
1:20:01🔗
Drew
That's like, you know, I've got shepherds at home. It's like saying, hey, guys, come over here and hang out with these rib bones here. Just hang out, hang out. And I'm gonna be surprised when they come running.
1:20:11🔗
Adam
Yeah, guys, guys pack the bag. They, you know, give a good loofah to the under sack area.
1:20:46🔗
Drew
You have to understand that males' brains work terribly differently than yours. Their motivational priorities, different. Different. To share an intimate weekend means zero. To many men under the influence of testosterone, it means sex. And when the sex ends, the weekend ends, and they go about their business. Yes. And that's it. It's a very specifically, oftentimes, physical experience, or even just visual.
1:21:17🔗
Drew
And it doesn't mean he doesn't like you, it doesn't mean he doesn't... He's appreciative.
1:21:21🔗
Adam
Yeah. No, it doesn't mean he didn't enjoy himself as much as you enjoyed yourself for that weekend. It just means it doesn't mean to him what it meant to you.
1:21:32🔗
Caller
But the weekend before, I would have thought that I wouldn't hear from him again after that because that was like the first time that I slept with him. And so then now, after he just comes down, I mean, it just surprises me that he would come...
1:21:50🔗
Caller
I don't know, because I just think that seems like something that would be more likely to happen, not...
1:22:11🔗
Adam
Look, everybody. You know, here's the thing. You cannot just deconstruct the course of events that took place in your short relationship. Well, you're trying to force it into something that it wasn't. Yeah, I go, well, why would she say this and then do that? You know, she meant this. Why did she say that? And plus, she said to me or he said, now, why would he call? I never called.
1:22:44🔗
Adam
It's like, it's like, it's really, it's like combing over Princess Di's accident, you know? I mean, you can do it a thousand times. You know, if he hadn't been drinking, if she had left the hotel just moments later, if the paparazzi hadn't changed, do whatever you want. Do it a thousand times.
1:23:09🔗
Adam
If we can prevent further accidents from happening, fine. And that's what we should be doing.
1:23:17🔗
Adam
But not trying to figure out why he's not calling. He's not calling because he's not interested.
1:23:22🔗
Drew
We're not saying that all men are this way. We're not saying that men are bad because they're this way, even when this is the way they behave. But there's a motivational set of motivational priorities in play that are different than yours. They just make the brain operate differently.
1:23:42🔗
Adam
I mean, this is the other thing that women look at. What I do. Which is, if a woman found a guy that she was attracted to, that she wanted to have sex with, that she really liked, and then somehow had to fling with him over the weekend and dump them, they would think, well, something's wrong with this guy.
1:24:00🔗
Adam
I found out something. We don't find out anything horrible. Once in a while, a little smelly foo-foo or something like that. We don't find anything out. It's just we're 23. We're moving on. You know what we found out? We found out we had a good time. We also found out we could do this again with somebody else this time. Maybe more than one person. You know what I'm saying? Got a little power. Now we're moving on.
1:24:30🔗
Drew
Maybe he didn't really. No, he really did. He had the experience you thought he had. And it meant something different.
1:24:40🔗
Adam
We'll be right back. Just heard phone screener Brian telling someone never to call again. That's a good thing. I like that. That's what's my son. All right, phone number. I give that 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. over there, Adam Carolla over here. And it's time to go back to the phones.
1:26:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, well, he has some specialties too. And I think the ear, nose, and throat may come in here. Also as a sleep specialist as well.
1:26:21🔗
Drew
Oh, he does, good, good, good. I didn't know about that training, but that's excellent. He's an amazing gentleman, amazing.
1:26:31🔗
Drew
Chris, he's still mad to you from last night. He wants more coffee. Come on, this time. Please, really, Chris, don't embarrass us. Not tonight.
1:26:58🔗
Caller
When I'm about to orgasm, I feel like I can't get enough oxygen, like I'm suffocating.
1:27:48🔗
Drew
Easy, chief, easy, easy. More coffee. Chris, Chris, Chris, go, go, go, go. Come on, Chris, come on. Look, this guy carries on every night. This guy's graced us with his presence. He's been good enough to come in here with his wide ranging expertise. Yes, yes. Please don't embarrass us like this, okay? I'm sorry, don't worry. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. He'll get coffee. He wants it. He wants a rum in the coffee, too.
1:28:34🔗
Drew
Okay, and he's also这个 gathering the spirits, and is sort of like 一個德靈 Qo Moscou Ha Boeth 콩. You have one boyfriend?
1:29:10🔗
Caller
No, I'm not. I've had other long-term relationships, and it always happens, and I can't, like, I get so worn out that I can't, like, I want them to stop because I feel like I can't get enough oxygen, and I get, like, He understands that.
1:29:45🔗
Drew
Chief, no, Chief, he's confusing, I understand, he's confusing you giving oral sex, you receiving oral sex, and he wants to be sure that it's not that you can't breathe because you have something, yeah, you got something occluding your airway. He's confused, the Chief is confused. He's basically saying, who doesn't get a little short of breath when you're, especially early on when you're in your sexual relationship, when you're not sort of used to being sexually active, you can get nervous and get uptight and you got to learn to, you got to literally breathe. And breathe and attune to the spirits.
1:30:54🔗
Drew
I may have to talk to you a little bit more off the earth. So Elizabeth, hang on, please. Would you like to take another call?
1:31:08🔗
Adam
Chief just says that. Well, first off, Chief, you just hear the wind chimes and the dream chaser blowing, dream catcher blowing around and he's gone.
1:31:28🔗
Drew
Didn't help Elizabeth very much, but he was good. I'm going to talk to her off the air.
1:32:12🔗
Caller
So get your problems ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.