Sunday, August 1, 2004

1:02🔗 Voiceover This one is a chant. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:09🔗 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:12🔗 Hey, call us a little slower tonight, guys, because we have the end of the show on here until about ten minutes.

1:18🔗 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:26🔗 Adam Can't get over the new opening. Show 80s.

1:29🔗 What's not?

1:31🔗 Adam So Max Headroom. Phone number, yeah. I don't know, I always think, I have these theories about a lot of things in life. One of it is, nobody likes this music. Nobody, nobody.

1:46🔗 Drew Yeah, but it immediately says 84.

1:48🔗 Adam And it just says, guy with the bad skin, bucket head with the bad bang haircut. Yeah, all right, please, I will, I'm gonna have an epileptic seizure if I hear that crap anymore.

2:01🔗 Drew It ran out of the zone.

2:02🔗 Adam Oh, thank Christ.

2:03🔗 Drew It's a limit to it.

2:05🔗 Adam All right, everybody, it's Loveline. No one hates their own show more than Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew. No, we don't hate show, we hate the beginning though.

2:16🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, you hate the callers, you hate the callers.

2:19🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't like the callers, I don't like a lot of listeners, I don't like the opening now. And I'm sort of iffy on Chris.

2:25🔗 Drew You like yourself on radio.

2:27🔗 Adam Engineer Chris, I'm all right with, I like him. I like him at 10 bucks an hour.

2:32🔗 Drew He's an okay kid.

2:32🔗 Adam If he was getting like 11.75, I'd be pissed. But as long as he's just cracking the double digits, I'm fine, you know what I'm saying?

2:41🔗 Drew Right.

2:41🔗 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dick's Medicine Specialist. You get new frames on your glasses?

2:47🔗 Drew Oh yeah, I had to change my whole prescription.

2:51🔗 Adam Oh yeah, that's right.

2:53🔗 Drew Did I tell you my ophthalmological freak out I had one day?

2:55🔗 Adam Drew went to the eye doctor.

2:58🔗 Drew Yeah, I haven't been to one.

2:58🔗 Adam Turns out he couldn't see.

2:59🔗 Drew Yeah, there you go.

3:01🔗 Adam Then he went home and got a divorce.

3:03🔗 Drew Ha ha. No.

3:06🔗 Adam Tell you something about Drew's wife. Not a high school girl, but attractive. I don't want to say older woman, but I'll just say attractive woman who's the appropriate age to be married to Drew.

3:18🔗 Drew She's been attractive at whatever age she's been.

3:20🔗 Adam Yeah, nothing.

3:21🔗 Drew Which is nice.

3:22🔗 Adam Nothing happened to her, yeah.

3:24🔗 Drew Even triplets, through triplets, imagine that.

3:25🔗 Adam Through triplets. And all, yeah, that pushes your belly out and stuff. Got it right together. All right, where are we going here, Drew?

3:35🔗 Drew Take some calls.

3:35🔗 Adam Going to the phones?

3:36🔗 Yeah.

3:36🔗 Drew Well, you want to talk about my book?

3:38🔗 Adam Let's talk about Drew's book. Andrew?

3:41🔗 Yeah, I was wondering what's the title and where can I purchase it?

3:45🔗 Drew Pretty much anywhere, certainly Amazon, and it's called When Painkillers Become Dangerous. And it's actually pretty good. What's that?

3:53🔗 I went on Amazon tonight and I searched up your name and I didn't see.

3:57🔗 Drew It's When Painkillers Become Dangerous. I saw it on Amazon. It's there. I don't think they've even put up a picture yet, but it's there. It's like only like nine bucks, I mean.

4:04🔗 Adam Well, it sounds expensive.

4:06🔗 Drew Hold on a second, it's nine bucks.

4:08🔗 Adam Chris, you only have to work four hours to get it.

4:10🔗 Drew But it's actually a pretty good book.

4:12🔗 Adam Yeah, rich guy making fun of a guy that doesn't make money. That's good radio. That's great radio. All right, Andrew, are you worried about painkillers taking over your life?

4:23🔗 No, I just like to crack, so I thought it'd be...

4:28🔗 Drew This one's much more specific, just if you have a problem, here's why it works.

4:33🔗 Adam How many pages, Drew?

4:35🔗 Drew It's not that long, it's probably 150 pages.

4:37🔗 Adam 150.

4:38🔗 Drew It's small, it's a paperback. Paperback. Like maybe our first book, kind of like that, where they call those...

4:44🔗 Adam The book we wrote was like almost 300 pages.

4:46🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, but it's like that same size, that kind of thing.

4:49🔗 Adam I don't know what they call those. They seem to be about six inches by nine inches, or maybe eight inches. And do they have that at the place where they keep the books, where they lend them to people?

4:59🔗 Drew They will one day, I hope. I hope they'll be at the library.

5:02🔗 Adam What's that again?

5:03🔗 Drew Library.

5:04🔗 Adam That's the place where they lend you books?

5:05🔗 Drew Why don't we just call it the Bibliotheca?

5:07🔗 Adam Bibliotheca.

5:08🔗 Drew Because that's got a book in it.

5:10🔗 Adam Bibliotheca sounds like there's a mirror ball swinging from the ceiling.

5:14🔗 Drew But isn't Bibliotheca a book?

5:15🔗 Adam I guess it is.

5:16🔗 Drew You took Spanish.

5:18🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, let me tell you how I know I, let me just say this about me taking Spanish. I had to get a D on the final in order to graduate high school. I had failed just enough classes and screwed up just enough so that when it came down to the final end of my senior year, if I would have failed Spanish, I wouldn't have had enough credits to actually graduate or participate or whatever it is. And as it turns out, in LA Unified, they do, I don't even know why I went to school. I went to school to play football and hang out with people, but they do finals and they'll do like, your homeroom final will be on Tuesday and then second and third period will be on Wednesday, whatever, however it worked out, finals for Spanish were on the last day and then graduation was like the next day. So as it turns out, the one class I was probably gonna fail if I didn't pull off a D, a miraculous D in Spanish would have been Spanish and would have been at the last day. So I really didn't know if I was gonna be able to graduate or not. As it turns out, by the way, 20 years later have never been asked and have never had a job that involved it.

6:35🔗 Drew Just for the record, did you get the D?

6:36🔗 Adam For the record, I got the D.

6:39🔗 Drew Good job.

6:39🔗 Adam I did two things. I actually studied, but just to play it safe, I cheated almost verbatim from the Asian chick who was in front of me. I didn't want to go to summer school. Now little did I know that I would immediately launch into a career of carpet cleaning, then segue into carpentry, then ditch digging, and then boxing, and then trainer, and then comedy. As it turns out, I've never had to fill out an application my entire life.

7:12🔗 Drew Well, good, because not only would you have nothing to put down, I'm not sure you could actually do it.

7:16🔗 Adam I'm not sure I could actually do it either, but so far the whole, and here's the deal, everybody. I don't even know that anyone ever really checks. I swear to Christ. As a matter of fact, you know what y'all, everyone over 22 ought to do? Just pick a good college, learn three or four things about it, and you're covered for the rest of your life. I could tell you, learn where Amherst is. I could go to, listen, I'm done. I just tell everyone I went to Amherst, it's in Boston, Lord Jeff's are the name of the thing. Name a couple, find one pizza place on campus and name it. Find the name of the football team. Remember the name of the dorm. You say learn five to eight beats about any college, and you're done with 99.999% of people you're gonna run into unless for some reason there's somebody who went to Amherst and has a bone to pick with you and doesn't believe you.

8:12🔗 Drew While you were advocating this deviant behavior, I want to remind you that I will bring up with you that I ran into a couple of people this week who have taken your recommendation towards civil disobedience.

8:23🔗 Adam Yeah, turning left.

8:24🔗 Drew Two people now have spoken to, both with tickets for turning left and right.

8:27🔗 Adam But they're heroes.

8:28🔗 Drew And they're stopping. They're martyrs.

8:30🔗 Adam They're martyrs.

8:30🔗 Drew Now they're gonna stop.

8:32🔗 Adam They're gonna stop.

8:32🔗 Drew Yeah, they got tickets.

8:34🔗 Adam Okay, let me just.

8:35🔗 Drew The man got them.

8:36🔗 Adam Let's tell you a couple of things here in Southern California. I'm not gonna launch, I'm not launching a tirade. Just when the arrow turns red, which it should never do, and the signal's green, and there's no cars coming, turn. That's what I do, that's what I continue to do, that's what I always do. Look for cops and then turn. They didn't talk to two people that got tickets. No, I did. Really? They're heroes. They're martyrs.

9:00🔗 Drew They weren't from this town.

9:01🔗 Adam They weren't.

9:01🔗 Drew No.

9:02🔗 Adam Where are they from?

9:03🔗 Drew Other affiliates and things.

9:04🔗 Adam Oh, really? Other parts of the country?

9:06🔗 Drew I did a radio. Heroes.

9:08🔗 Adam Heroes and martyrs. I need to picture them so I can burn a candle.

9:13🔗 Drew I think one of them was, do you remember the Danny Boy we met at the Axe Party?

9:17🔗 Adam Yep.

9:18🔗 Drew I think he was one of them.

9:18🔗 Adam Good. Hero. Hero and martyr now. Now martyr. Hero while he's doing it. Martyr. Fight it. Everyone should fight it. Fight every ticket, by the way. Just do that.

9:28🔗 Drew Hey, I'm trying to fight mine.

9:30🔗 Adam Drew.

9:30🔗 Drew Drew, yeah. And I cannot figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. You go online, it says, I'm sorry, you can't do anything more online with this.

9:36🔗 Adam Drew, you're a hero and a farter. Figure it out, Drew, and fight the man, would you? Everybody, fight every ticket they get, especially in Los Angeles. If you get them in other cities, I assume you earn them. LA., you don't earn them. I had to go to a meeting early Friday morning. I was driving down the hill, 8.30 in the morning.

9:55🔗 Drew On Beachwood?

9:56🔗 Adam Yep, down Beachwood, and four-way stop sign. Anyway, saw some Prius pulled over, cop car behind it, way up the hill. And I thought to myself, first off, should we even be pulling over hybrids? Shouldn't we cut them a little slack? Like once in a while, I see a guy pulled over on a bike, see a guy pulled over on foot, see a guy, you know, here's the whole thing. If you're jogging, if you're on a bike, if you're in hybrid, come on.

10:19🔗 Drew Move along.

10:19🔗 Adam We got some global warming going on out there. Cut the guy some slack. The car barely does 70. Yeah, I mean, it is possible to speed in a Prius, but the car's got a sewing machine engine in it and 10-speed tires. Give the guy a break. It's not exactly a Nova with a shaker scoop and some torque thrust tires on it. It's a chick driving a Prius. She's got to be like a 55-year-old woman. Looks to be of a... She looks like a single Mexican mother driving a Prius, probably some sort of secretary trying to make it to downtown, probably rolled through a four-way and the man's giving her a ticket. That's what we need. Perfect, perfect, yeah. Never enough guys, by the way. By the way, in LA., if you call the cops, we get your house robbed, you call the cops, unless the guy's there and he's currently sodomizing you, they don't show up. They don't show up for hours and hours and hours. Give it a try. I mean, if you live in Beverly Hills, maybe, but not in LA. County. Have fun. No, never enough manpower. Always enough for the chicken-ass tickets. Never enough to actually come over. And here's the way we ought to do it. Why don't we just do it this way? Let's just start giving them money. You know what I mean? Just go, look, obviously you guys are motivated by money. That's why you're handing out all the chicken-ass tickets, especially in Burbank, or as I like to call it, Rape Bank. You guys are motivated by money. Here's the deal. Someone ransacked the house. Looks like they're gone. I'm gonna need a guy over the next four hours. Here, there's a hundred bucks in it. Yeah, I'll give you a hundred. I'll write you a check for a hundred, come on down. It's worth it to me. Bring, what do you charge for the fingerprint guy? 175?

11:59🔗 Drew Send him two. How about just your insurance when they have to give it to you?

12:03🔗 Adam Yeah, send them down. We'll pay you. How about that? Just call Spade a spade. We need money. We need, that's what motivates us. It's fine. You've turned it into a business. Fantastic. But then we get to stop paying taxes. See, here's the deal. Either we stop paying taxes and you get to continue your shakedown or you knock off the chicken-ass shakedown and we'll keep paying the taxes. But it can't be both.

12:29🔗 Drew How about we just have the freedom to go through our life without the shakedowns?

12:32🔗 Adam It'd be nice.

12:32🔗 Drew We'd pay for that.

12:33🔗 Adam It'd be nice. Katie? Yeah, like I said, especially Burbank. Just charge an extra, charge everyone an extra 100 bucks a month so they can go about their lives without being effed with. Go ahead, Katie, you're 16.

12:46🔗 Caller Yeah, my question is that after girls have sex, like after a while, do they tighten back up?

12:54🔗 Adam No.

12:55🔗 Caller They don't?

12:56🔗 Adam No, they become, you know what pizza dough's like when the guy's throwing it in the air?

13:00🔗 Caller Yeah.

13:00🔗 Adam That's what happens. And once in a while it tears.

13:03🔗 Drew And it flies open.

13:04🔗 Adam And it just flies open and it lands on a coffee machine. Actually, it lands on the orange bang dispenser.

13:12🔗 Drew Coincidentally.

13:13🔗 Adam Yeah, maybe it's the orange whip. Did orange whip sue orange bang, or an orange bang sue it's the same product? Once an orange bang. All right.

13:21🔗 Drew So, Katie, listen.

13:23🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Where is orange bang and orange whip? Does that exist anymore?

13:28🔗 Drew Orange Julius? Is that still around?

13:30🔗 Adam I want stuff with orange in it. I want some orange bang or some orange whip. Chris, you know what orange bang or orange whip is? Yes? All right. And people must know what it is.

13:42🔗 Drew I guess I'm afraid to say no.

13:44🔗 Adam Chris, hold on a second. You know what orange bang or orange whip is? You know. Yes, I do.

13:48🔗 Drew What are they?

13:49🔗 Well, it's like orange Julius kind of thing.

13:52🔗 Drew I didn't know that. What orange soda is?

13:55🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

13:56🔗 Drew I've never had an orange bang. Hold on. I've seen the little logo.

14:00🔗 Adam Orange bang or orange whip?

14:02🔗 Drew I've had orange Julius.

14:04🔗 Adam Never had an orange bang or orange whip?

14:06🔗 Drew No.

14:07🔗 I usually get it at Mexican restaurants too.

14:10🔗 Drew Ah.

14:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

14:10🔗 Drew I'll go seek it out.

14:11🔗 Adam Well, now you do. Everything ends up there eventually. Whitey gets tired of it. It's up at the Mexican joint. You get some horchata over there and they say what you want about the rice-based beverage. Put enough sugar in there and enough cinnamon. It actually starts tasting good after a while.

14:27🔗 Drew Horchata's great.

14:29🔗 Adam All right, Katie.

14:31🔗 Yeah.

14:31🔗 Drew All right, Katie, listen. Hold on.

14:32🔗 Adam Do you know what orange bang or orange whip is?

14:35🔗 I have no idea.

14:38🔗 Adam That doesn't mean anything.

14:39🔗 Drew Horchata?

14:41🔗 What?

14:41🔗 Drew Horchata?

14:43🔗 No.

14:43🔗 Drew No. San Diego.

14:46🔗 Adam Who fought in World War II?

14:50🔗 Caller Germany.

14:55🔗 All right, slow down.

14:57🔗 Drew Good. Who else?

15:00🔗 Caller France.

15:01🔗 Adam France, all right, sorta, yeah.

15:03🔗 Drew Who was on German side?

15:08🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah.

15:11🔗 Adam That was good, that was good, that was good. All right, we're gonna send you out of Windbreaker. Listen, here's the whole thing, Katie, and everybody for that matter, do not revel too long in the glow of a very easy, obvious answer. It'll make you seem stupid.

15:28🔗 Drew At least you knew it.

15:30🔗 Adam No, you knew it, I know, I know you knew it, but what I mean is, is like, if you say to me, what's a two times three, and I go six, and you go, you're right, and I go, oh my God, yes, yes, yeah! Eventually, I've got the fifth yeah, you're gonna think I'm an idiot, like I'm pumping my arm and stuff. If I look like I hit a half court shot at the half time of a Laker game, and I'm dancing around like that, you're gonna think I'm an a-hole. That's all I'm saying.

15:55🔗 Drew You're guessing on the obvious.

15:56🔗 Adam I'm just saying, Katie, you figuring out Japan and Germany is good, but not great. Yeah, it's just good.

16:05🔗 Drew Katie, here's the deal. What I normally tell people that are preoccupied with this sort of thing is that part of your body was designed to handle a baby's head coming in down it and then go back to normal.

16:16🔗 Adam That's right.

16:16🔗 Drew A man's penis is not gonna do a damn thing to it. Nothing.

16:20🔗 Adam No.

16:23🔗 Caller Thank you very much.

16:24🔗 Adam Sure. Hey, Katie.

16:26🔗 Caller What?

16:27🔗 Adam Veal and venison.

16:29🔗 Drew Difference?

16:31🔗 Caller What?

16:32🔗 Drew What is veal as opposed to venison?

16:36🔗 Caller I have no idea.

16:36🔗 Drew Do you know what venison is?

16:38🔗 Caller No.

16:39🔗 Adam What about veal?

16:41🔗 Caller Isn't that like baby cow?

16:42🔗 Adam Yeah. All right, Katie.

16:44🔗 Drew We passed all of our tests.

16:45🔗 Adam Good job, baby doll.

16:46🔗 All right.

16:49🔗 Adam I'll see you in junior college. All righty. Take care.

16:53🔗 Drew Whatever.

16:54🔗 Adam Whatever. Well, that's not bad. She was 500 on the V on the Tennyson.

16:59🔗 Drew By our caller's standards, are you kidding? Off the charts.

17:04🔗 Adam Can't measure her IQ. Stephen Hawking, by our-

17:07🔗 Drew By Loveline caller's standards. Why?

17:10🔗 Adam I'm becoming mildly obsessed with the orange bang, orange whip thing. I want to know what happened to it and when it fell off.

17:16🔗 Drew All right, so somebody that can tell us about the orange bang, orange whip, please do it. And Chris, check that on the web.

17:23🔗 Adam Orange bang, orange whip?

17:26🔗 Never heard of it, but I do like horchata.

17:28🔗 Adam All right, she likes horchata. She likes horchata.

17:29🔗 Drew That's good. She's on tempi.

17:32🔗 Adam Mm-mm. It's good, it's probably a bad sign if you know what horchata is. Veronica?

17:39🔗 Drew Ooh, 19.

17:41🔗 Adam When were you molested? When were you molested, baby doll? What happened? Something happened, what happened?

17:51🔗 Drew Can we speak up a minute? We can't hear you.

17:53🔗 Adam Speak up a little, please. Orange bang, orange bang or orange whip? You heard of them? All right, hold on. That is, I am now obsessed.

18:03🔗 Drew And by the way, the fact that she takes that as I was a good girl question is even more disturbing to me. Did somebody abuse you? No, I was a good girl.

18:12🔗 Adam Veronica?

18:13🔗 Caller Yes.

18:14🔗 Adam Okay, let's talk. Let's talk, where's your dad? He's at home?

18:22🔗 Caller Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

18:26🔗 Drew We can barely hear you.

18:28🔗 Caller Can you hear me?

18:29🔗 Drew When you speak up.

18:30🔗 Adam Are you on a cell phone? Okay, can you, all right, hold on.

18:38🔗 Drew You're talking to a caller. Maybe she's not 19, maybe she's 11 or something.

18:43🔗 Adam Maybe she should go somewhere where her reception's a little better or pull over or something. I don't know if she's driving or where she is. Veronica?

18:52🔗 Caller Can you hear me?

18:53🔗 Adam Yes, all right, what's your question?

18:56🔗 Caller My question is, after my boyfriend and I have sex, I have a little discharge and it's kind of milky and it smells and I'm worried that I don't know what it is or why it's there.

19:08🔗 Drew You've had it, you've had this just one time?

19:12🔗 Caller No, it's been going on for probably the past month.

19:15🔗 Drew Okay, is there irritation also with this?

19:19🔗 Caller No, not really.

19:20🔗 Drew Because is there any pelvic pain?

19:24🔗 Caller No.

19:24🔗 Drew Because the milky discharge with irritation is a sexually transmitted disease and that really is. So I-

19:30🔗 Adam Go with a plain-

19:31🔗 Drew The milky discharge is actually the one that are more likely to be an infection.

19:36🔗 Adam Oh really?

19:36🔗 Drew People worry about the thick ones, the stinky ones, and this and that. Those really aren't the ones that are-

19:40🔗 Adam Milky ones.

19:41🔗 Drew The milky-

19:41🔗 Adam Is that pussy? Does that mean infection?

19:44🔗 Drew It does, it tends to.

19:44🔗 Adam The presence of puss?

19:45🔗 Drew It can, yeah.

19:47🔗 Adam All right. So she should go to Plain Parenthood or a doctor?

19:51🔗 Drew A doctor just needs a pelvic exam and a culture.

19:55🔗 Adam Probably should be doing that anyway. She's sexually active.

19:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

19:59🔗 Adam Veronica? What are you using for birth control?

20:05🔗 Caller Orthocycline.

20:06🔗 Drew There we go.

20:06🔗 Adam That's a good girl. Where'd you get it?

20:09🔗 Caller Plain Parenthood.

20:11🔗 Drew Excellent. Get back there and get the discharge checked out.

20:14🔗 Adam Throw, get yourself thrown up on the rack there. That's what they do, put you up on the rack. Boy, this orange bang, orange whip thing is profoundly disturbing to me. The fact that Drew's never had it.

20:27🔗 Drew I've never had it. I've seen the dispensing machine with the orange bang on the plastic. I've seen that.

20:32🔗 Well, I'm on orangebang.com.

20:34🔗 Caller So they got different drinks and stuff.

20:37🔗 Drew Is orange whip one of them?

20:39🔗 Caller Yeah, one of them, too.

20:40🔗 Drew The orange whip. It's a whole thing.

20:42🔗 Olay non-carbonated fruit juice drinks and stuff like that.

20:46🔗 Adam Uh-oh.

20:47🔗 Drew Want some?

20:48🔗 Adam Yeah.

20:49🔗 It's in Sylmar.

20:50🔗 Adam All right, I'm gonna have to get down there.

20:51🔗 Drew So it's a local thing.

20:51🔗 Adam I might have to go there and load up on orange bang.

20:54🔗 Drew So around the country, people might not even know what that is.

20:56🔗 Adam They might not, they might not. Although, you know, we drink Snapple out here.

21:01🔗 Drew Good point.

21:02🔗 Adam Drew's got a candy bar in his mouth, so he's scared to talk.

21:05🔗 Drew No, I'm talking.

21:06🔗 Adam Yeah, sure you are. All right, let's get back to the phone. Listen, orange bang and orange whip is delightful. It's like Orange Julius. It's like that.

21:13🔗 Drew I always liked Orange Julius.

21:15🔗 Adam Let me tell you something about orange. Orange soda alone, not great. You really, it's sort of like grape soda. Grapes are good, grape juice are good, grape soda, not great. Oranges are good, orange juice is good, orange soda, not so great. And there's other things like strawberries good, strawberry soda, crappy. Unless you're some crazy ethnicity and you're stoned off your ass, maybe it's good. But basically for sane people, it's not considered a good beverage. You have to be stupid really to enjoy certain beverages. Yeah, you have to actually be one of these people that prefers Mrs. Butterworth to the pure maple syrup. And there's a handful of idiots out there by the way who like bad. I'll tell you who those people are by the way. They're either kids under nine or stupid adults. Now listen to me, all you idiots out there. The fact that you like certain things, like you like Sunny D better than grape juice, which I found out from Nicole Richie. I almost dove across the console and strangled her to death. She looked me in the eye and she said, I don't like that Welch's grape juice, but I do like Sunny D. I said, okay, that means you're mentally retarded. She has a mental disorder. I don't know, maybe they were a sponsor of the show. The point is, my nephews come over, I make them pancakes, and they like Log Cabin better than the Trader Joe's Pure Maple Syrup. That's because they're six and seven years old. They try to pull that ass at 27. I'm going to take them in for a PET scan. There's got to be a tumor. Those of you who are 25 and like the imitation corn syrup with the brown coloring in it and the fake butter flavor, better than the actual thing that it was actually trying to mimic, the real maple syrup, that's not a taste thing. That means you're stupid. That means you're smart is my six-year-old nephew. The only difference is they get smarter every week and you're pretty much flatlining, probably heading down marginally. It'll be a free fall soon.

23:19🔗 Drew It's sort of like retarded animals eating stuff, not discriminating.

23:21🔗 Adam Yeah, eating their own fecal matter, really. And that's all I'm saying. And as a society, let's stop doing, let's stop chalking everything up to personal preference. There's bad music, there's Sunny D, there's fake maple syrup. If you like that kind of stuff, you're dumb. That's it.

23:38🔗 Drew But maybe dumb is not the right word, it's a problem because it's deficient. How about that?

23:44🔗 Adam Let's put it this way. Everyone else is smart and you're not.

23:47🔗 Drew Because everyone knows.

23:48🔗 Adam How about that?

23:48🔗 Drew But everyone knows like the computer is crazy, computer nerds that like the orange soda or something weird like that, you know? It's like the yummy stuff.

23:55🔗 Adam I'll allow everybody their own bizarre thing. It's just that you can take a couple of zigs and zags.

24:02🔗 Drew Not everything though.

24:04🔗 Adam Not everything. When it comes down to the syrup.

24:05🔗 Drew Yeah.

24:07🔗 Adam Really pure maple.

24:09🔗 Drew You don't like that big wheel at the International House of Pancakes?

24:12🔗 Adam I do. But if in the middle of that wheel was some Vermont pure maple syrup, that would be going on first. Yeah. Unless you're high. If you're high, then you go with the boysenberry. And you actually keister the balls of butter.

24:27🔗 Drew But listen, you bring up an interesting point.

24:28🔗 Adam I like the balls of butter.

24:29🔗 Drew Because the scoops of butter.

24:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

24:31🔗 Drew Because what people do when they're high is they tend to see things. They revert. No, they see things as novel. Everything's novel.

24:37🔗 Adam Yeah. They're nine again, too.

24:39🔗 Drew It's like, oh my God, it's strawberry syrup. That's so cool. And there you go.

24:44🔗 Adam This one's purple and this one's kind of brown. I'm going with purple.

24:47🔗 Drew So novelty rather than discrimination becomes the motivator.

24:50🔗 Adam All right.

24:51🔗 Drew Interesting, huh?

24:51🔗 Adam I just want to. It should be. Yeah. I just want to. I'll take a break. I'll tell you who. Chicks tend not to know things. That's what makes them good moms. They don't know nothing. They just spend time with kids because they know the same amount as the kids do. Guys. I want to talk to some guys.

25:09🔗 Drew Who what?

25:10🔗 Adam Orange Bang, Orange Whip.

25:11🔗 Drew Who know about that or who like it?

25:13🔗 Adam Or don't. I got a question. I got a quiz. I don't trust the women. Anderson, you know Orange Bang or Orange Whip? You do?

25:21🔗 Drew Yeah.

25:22🔗 Caller It's like, you know, I always see it like in the food courts.

25:23🔗 Drew But if you had them both? I've had neither. See, it's something.

25:29🔗 Adam He knows who Huel Hauser is, at least. You grew up in the city.

25:32🔗 Caller I got to have it to qualify?

25:34🔗 Adam No, you don't. You don't. Just you have to recognize it. Let me tell you, we got to go to break. Everyone hates this kind of talk, but I'll tell you the gene chicks don't have. They look at the Orange Bang label at the food court 3000 times just like we do. It doesn't stick. Guys got the stick gene with that. Women, I'm telling you, it makes them better parents. It makes them better humans. Whatever that gene is that makes a thing stick in your head, they don't have it. It makes them better at other things.

26:03🔗 Drew They tend to be less detailed, more global, more holistic.

26:07🔗 Adam That's right. That's why they're like Oprah. She's round. We'll take a quick. Yo, he was steaming piss. I'm like, I don't know. Seemed all right to me. I couldn't tell.

26:28🔗 Drew Well, the guy tells me he's cursing at the monitor while I'm on the air.

26:32🔗 Adam Well, he's out of line. There ain't no doubt about that. It's a question of degree.

26:37🔗 Drew Yeah.

26:38🔗 Adam And what is the difference between a nine and a seven?

26:41🔗 Drew Whatever.

26:46🔗 Adam So, and then it hit. Two. Your mind's a nine. His mind's a five. Hey, everybody. Hey, it's Loveline. Whoo! It's Loveline. Yeah. Just driving in today. Tonight, I should say, listened to a little radio, heard a little weather report. It was 68 out in Encino and 68 in Orange, and then 68 at the Civic Center. I just thought, Jesus Christ, it's art imitating life, life imitating art. Sounds like me reading the tent. And by the way, people may not know the Southern California area. If it's 68 in Encino and 68 in Orange, shut your pie hole for the third one, because everything is somewhere in between. It's like saying on one end of the pier, it's 68, and on the other end of the pier, it's 68. We don't need the middle temperature. It's that side, that side, and everything in between will be 68.

27:42🔗 Drew I wonder if other cities give reports of the surrounding suburbs.

27:45🔗 Adam They just can't.

27:47🔗 Drew That are eight miles away.

27:48🔗 Adam They can't. They can't. And here's the deal. Every car that was made after 1997 has a temp meter inside the car.

27:57🔗 Drew By the way, if you're going to stop at Yucaypa, why don't you go on into San Diego, Palm Springs, Tempe.

28:02🔗 Adam Go into San Diego, have that go into Mexicali and Calexico.

28:07🔗 Drew Then it will make a difference, by the way.

28:09🔗 Adam Go up Baja, and let's just start floating into Central America. You know, in Panama, 68.

28:15🔗 Drew We might learn something then, Adam. We might actually have a difference in the ambient temperature.

28:18🔗 Adam Yeah, hey, here's a news flash. In Guatemala, 67.

28:23🔗 Drew Oh, and raining.

28:25🔗 Adam And some precipitation, yes. Yeah, there you go. Just keep going. Keep spreading out. Here's the deal. Keep going until change is 2 degrees. That would be. That's news. Now that's news. 68 on one end of the valley, 68 on the other end of Orange County, 68 somewhere in the middle. Fantastic. Keep that news coming, everybody.

28:44🔗 Drew I was talking to a friend tonight. He goes, where is that bullet train? I came out of his mouth spontaneously. He's not listening to the show.

28:52🔗 Adam And he goes, what is that bullet train in Vegas?

28:53🔗 Drew And he goes, and why don't we have trains in this town, underground trains, transportation? I mean, within three minutes, both those things came out of his mouth.

29:01🔗 Adam Good.

29:01🔗 Drew Oh, great.

29:03🔗 Adam LA is falling apart. Let's keep on keeping on and get to a more upbeat topic.

29:08🔗 Drew You want to do Orange Whip? Orange Whip.

29:10🔗 Adam Oh, someone knows Orange Whip. OK. He works at a hot dog stand and sells orange whips. Jacob. Yes, you guys sell orange whip?

29:21🔗 Yeah, we sell orange whip and we have like a soda fountain, but the most popular drink is an orange whip.

29:29🔗 Adam What's the difference between orange whip and orange bang?

29:34🔗 Well, orange whip is in this big glass thing and it's constantly being...

29:40🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, those things.

29:41🔗 Drew That's the orange bang. With the stuff flowing down the sides.

29:44🔗 Adam Yeah, Drew's saying bang on that one.

29:47🔗 Drew That's where I've seen orange bang.

29:49🔗 We call it an orange whip because it's constantly being...

29:53🔗 Drew Oh, is that this one? That's this one.

29:55🔗 Adam No, no, that's that tank. That's the hopper on top that's just... Oh, it looks good.

29:59🔗 Drew With the stuff coming down the sides.

30:00🔗 Adam Yeah, it's just kind of hopping around up there. I miss that.

30:04🔗 Drew Oh, yeah, that one.

30:05🔗 Constantly moving.

30:06🔗 Adam Yeah.

30:06🔗 Drew Right, right, right.

30:07🔗 That's how that whip...

30:10🔗 Adam All right. So I'm starting to put them on hold because this line is horrible. Who buys them? People that love the great frothy taste of orange.

30:19🔗 Drew Is there any trend of young people, older people?

30:23🔗 Adam Let's try to figure that. Jacob, who buys orange whip? Who? What group? The phone's all jacked up. Drew, what do you want them to say? I was curious. No, no, no. Everybody loves orange. Here's who can't drink orange whip. People on diets. Other than that, you should dig orange whip. And here's the thing. Orange whip is really, it's not good. It's Twinkie not good. It's its own thing. Here's the whole thing. Let me explain something. The real McCoy is always good. Once in a while, something gets so bad, it's good. And then it just becomes its own thing.

31:03🔗 Drew Twinkie. Twinkie good.

31:05🔗 Adam Twinkie is its own thing.

31:06🔗 Drew Now they have fried Twinkies.

31:11🔗 Adam They have fried Snickers by the way. Big Mac, it's own thing. There's a couple of things that are their own things. Those are the things, by the way, that if the Shiites got you and held you captive for three months, that'd be what you'd want, because it would remind you of your country.

31:28🔗 Drew Right, that's why when they take those things away, like the Enchirito, you get so mad.

31:33🔗 Adam I was angry over the Bell Beaver when Taco Bell took that away.

31:36🔗 Drew That's only Bell Beaver.

31:37🔗 Adam That was my thing. Jasmine?

31:40🔗 Yeah?

31:41🔗 Adam You're 14?

31:42🔗 Caller Mm-hmm.

31:44🔗 Adam What's up, baby doll?

31:46🔗 Caller About three or four years ago, I was being sexually molested by my mom's ex-boyfriend.

31:51🔗 Drew Great.

31:53🔗 Caller And currently he's in prison back in California.

31:57🔗 Drew Because of what he did to you, or?

31:58🔗 Caller Mm-hmm.

31:59🔗 Drew So you reported it?

32:01🔗 Caller What?

32:02🔗 Drew You reported what had happened?

32:04🔗 Caller Yeah. Okay, good. And I was wondering, do you think, like, what he did to me, like, my experiences with him, do you? I think it would have any effect on my future relationships.

32:16🔗 Adam Well, what did he do to you?

32:18🔗 Caller Well, when he thought I was sleeping, he would come into my room and he would touch me inappropriately. He was just very manipulative.

32:33🔗 Adam But you reported this or somebody found out about it?

32:37🔗 Caller It kind of, well, somebody else found out about it.

32:41🔗 Drew How?

32:43🔗 Caller They kind of did the reporting for me.

32:45🔗 Adam Well, you told somebody?

32:48🔗 Caller Yeah, it was kind of by accident, though, but I'm glad it happened.

32:52🔗 Adam Yeah.

32:53🔗 Drew It wasn't like she stood up and defended herself.

32:55🔗 Adam No, but listen to everybody who has been or is sitting on a secret or is currently being molested or those of us who are going to be molested. I put myself on that list, God willing. God willing. You will feel better if it gets out, things get handled. I mean, you want to avoid it, but it will feel better.

33:16🔗 Drew It's even better when you're the one that stands up and says, hey, this is happening to me. It's mobilizing defense on your own behalf.

33:23🔗 Adam Yeah.

33:23🔗 Drew And to be able to do that, to be able to break free of that frozen situation where you're just chronically being victimized, to break out of that, what I call a freeze response, is very important. So, but Jasmine, the deal is that you've had a very significant trauma, and of course that's going to affect lots of areas of your life and how you feel about men and your relationships. Of course it has to affect that. Just like if you had nothing but positive experiences, that would affect how you deal with men too. So this is an opportunity to get some treatment. There are treatments that work for this. Go ahead and avail yourself of that.

33:55🔗 Adam And look, it's not a death sentence by any stretch of the imagination. It's really one of those things where it's like you suffer an injury early on in life. If you rehab that injury, you can actually be stronger and more healthy sometimes than somebody just doesn't do anything. So Jasmine, the fact that you're asking the question is a good thing. It makes me confident about your future or at least optimistic about it. But by the same token, you can't just hang up and do nothing now. You got to do the work. It's all right. Do a little therapy, a little classical music, some long walks. It's good for your brain.

34:31🔗 Drew Turning left on headlight signals?

34:33🔗 Adam Once you get your permit, baby. I'm guessing Arizona doesn't have a bunch of them left turn signals.

34:41🔗 Drew Not really.

34:42🔗 Adam No worry. They're coming. I blame our former city that we were in, which was Culver City, which was, again, a Spanish word meaning home of the arrow, which we used to do Westwood 2, actually Westwood 3. Some people call it Westwood 1, but I have trouble calling a place with... Looks like a stoner tried to build a 77 ski chalet and came up woefully short. I have trouble putting 1. Out of scrap. Yeah. 1. Now, if you're talking about number 1, like urine, maybe. Still Westwood 2. Oh, I'll tell you. Our old studio we used to work in, as a former carpenter, I was insulted.

35:24🔗 Drew Well, it would drive you nuts every night.

35:25🔗 Adam It would drive me nuts. It would drive me insane. The door jams came out further than the wall did. Bad rough sawn cedar T&G 1x6 everywhere. It was really, I would like to find the guy who built that place and cut his hands off. And I know the guy. It's Mr. Do-It-Yourself or Hack. Oh, I was insulted.

35:48🔗 Drew How about you get hired to do it?

35:50🔗 Adam No, no, no, no.

35:52🔗 Drew Somebody had to hire him to do that?

35:53🔗 Adam No, no.

35:54🔗 Drew What do you mean?

35:54🔗 Adam I don't think anyone was hired.

35:56🔗 Drew I mean, that's like somebody who was working at Westwood One. Or built the space out for them.

36:00🔗 Adam Maybe Anderson can get to the bottom of it, but whoever built that place owned that place. Nobody was hired with those, I was going to say those kind of skills, but those are zero skills.

36:10🔗 Drew Westwood One was moving in and this guy owned the space.

36:13🔗 Adam Ty Pennington from Extreme Home Makeover.

36:15🔗 Drew He's the guy.

36:16🔗 Adam Better carpenter than the hack that built that place.

36:17🔗 Drew No, no, no, no.

36:18🔗 Adam Yes, yes, yes.

36:20🔗 Drew Well, by Ty's admission, as he described himself on this show, didn't know how to do anything. He would just know how to get the guys to do the jobs for him.

36:27🔗 Adam Yes.

36:27🔗 Drew Isn't that what he said?

36:28🔗 Adam He, I gave him a little quiz when he was on the show. He didn't have, Drew, if I'm being unfair, please stop me. Didn't have many answers.

36:36🔗 Drew If you consider one, not many, I guess that's all right.

36:41🔗 Adam Well, it's TV. No one really, the cast of LA Law, really attorneys?

36:48🔗 Drew Of course. Oh no, wait a minute.

36:49🔗 Adam That's my point. Yeah, that's right. All right. Where are we, Drew? Let's not, let's not get sidetracked. We got to wait. Let's break it down. Hey, let's get a hand in now. Come on, grab a knee now. Hey, gentlemen, gentlemen, use that term loosely. Hey, helmets, not chairs, gentlemen. Let's go now. Let's break it down now. Let's grab a knee. Chris, grab a knee. Break it down now. Get in a circle now. Get a hand in now. Let's go.

37:15🔗 Drew Chris just gets into it.

37:17🔗 Adam Yeah, he goes nuts. All right, where are we going? Hooked up with an Army buddy's ex-girlfriend? Take a break?

37:23🔗 Drew No, no.

37:24🔗 Adam Got circumcised three weeks ago? All right, let's sell one. Let's sell one.

37:29🔗 Drew All right, Nathan, I'm six. I'm six.

37:32🔗 Adam Nathan.

37:33🔗 Caller Hello?

37:34🔗 Adam You ever heard of Orange Bang or Orange Whip?

37:37🔗 Caller No.

37:38🔗 Adam Okay, fantastic. What's up, buddy?

37:42🔗 Caller Just wanted to say, long time no see. First time calling.

37:45🔗 Adam Thanks, Nate. What's happening, my man?

37:47🔗 Caller Love the show. Yeah, like, about three weeks ago, I got circumcised, and, yeah, great, and...

38:01🔗 Adam Worlds?

38:02🔗 Caller What? About two weeks ago, I, you know, it was when I could, I mean, about one week ago, I'm sorry, is when I could masturbate again, and when I did, it, the comb was really late.

38:19🔗 Adam All right, hold on, hold on. Yeah, hold on. Now, I know, you feel the sensation and the electric shock, and then ten minutes later, it's like a seagull crapped on your forehead. Crazy. Yeah. It's weird. You're up, you're walking around, you're heading into the kitchen, and you get slimed. Ever happen to you, Drew?

38:40🔗 Drew No.

38:40🔗 Adam Never have it. No. It's crazy. Oh, it's embarrassing when you're having a conversation. Sometimes, you'll actually be out talking to somebody.

38:45🔗 Drew You put a towel on when you go to go to the door to talk to the maid during one of those fold down episodes.

38:52🔗 Adam All right, hey, circumcised at 17. Either an infection or the world's laziest Jews, procrastinators.

39:04🔗 Drew No, no, no, no.

39:05🔗 Adam No, no. No, something happened.

39:07🔗 Drew Stenosis.

39:07🔗 Adam Stenosis. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. We'll get back with Nathan. Like I said, I'm more curious about the part about getting the circumcision at age 17. What would that, what that was like? Which pain was involved? Why did it?

39:23🔗 Drew Are you mad at your parents for not doing it the moment you were born and didn't feel it?

39:26🔗 Adam Who gets to keep the foreskin? Oh, no, no, you feel it and it gets buried deep inside and you resent women.

39:32🔗 Drew Oh, I forgot that.

39:33🔗 Adam Or moils. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

39:37🔗 Caller Love Line.

39:38🔗 Adam Okay, wait, wait.

39:51🔗 Caller One, two, one, and go.

39:53🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Tomorrow night, one of the stars, one of the hottest shows on television, Randy Jackson from American Idol is gonna be in here. Over under on him using the word dog, time-wise.

40:11🔗 Drew Three minutes.

40:11🔗 Adam Three minutes?

40:12🔗 Drew Yeah, he'll be right away.

40:14🔗 Adam Three minutes is, that's a lifetime for Randy Jackson. What do you think it'll be, like 20 seconds?

40:22🔗 Drew Really?

40:24🔗 Adam Because it could be in the greeting.

40:25🔗 Drew Well, it's three minutes of you going, hey, welcome to Love Lines, what I have to say.

40:30🔗 Adam I can fill a bus for like 20 minutes. We'll just go to the first break. When we get back, we say hi to Randy Jackson, who's been sitting here listening to me talk about parking enforcement for 25 minutes. Now we gotta go to our break. Now word for max. We gotta pay some bills. Yeah, I like that. I like we gotta pay some bills. All right.

40:49🔗 Drew Then we got Ron Lemmingston coming in here and then we got Seth Green coming up next week.

40:52🔗 Adam Great guys. You know, I'm always wondering, you know, the great magnet's always an interesting one. And I know everything seems this way for everybody. It's no big deal. But I sat home last night and watched the Italian job and I watched Seth Green and I thought, yeah, he's good in that. And I thought, yeah, I haven't talked to Seth in a... It's been a while. When's he on the show last? Been too long, I thought to myself. And then I came in here and saw the new schedule and there's his name on it. All right, let's get to the phones here, Drew. And...

41:24🔗 Drew We're talking to Nathan and his clipping.

41:26🔗 Adam He was circumcised at 17. Yeah.

41:30🔗 Drew Sounds like a ballad.

41:31🔗 Adam Beginning of a Johnny Cash. Yeah. And why so late in life, Nathan?

41:41🔗 Caller Well, cause it got to the point where I could not pull the foreskin down.

41:45🔗 Drew Stenosis, that is stenosis.

41:47🔗 Adam Stenosis.

41:48🔗 Drew That's one of the more common complications of not having had a circumcision. It can bleed and crack and rip and be a lot of fun.

41:54🔗 Adam Strikes one in every 10 million.

41:56🔗 Drew No, no, it's not that uncommon.

41:58🔗 Adam Right, all of Europe. All right, so you had it done. Now, did they put you under? Were you asleep?

42:04🔗 Caller Yeah, I was asleep for about three hours. The procedure only took like a half hour, though.

42:08🔗 Adam Okay, lightweight, we call that, where I'm from. I would have been driving home, working on my house, coming home, getting under my belt by then. But that's your thing. So, okay, then you wake up. So procedure takes half an hour. They give you the thing. You wake up, what's it look like down there? Stitches?

42:22🔗 Caller Well, it was wrapped in like a bunch of gauze.

42:26🔗 Drew Huge, surprisingly big dressing.

42:28🔗 Adam Really?

42:29🔗 Drew Yeah, novelty.

42:29🔗 Adam Probably leave that on for a few years.

42:31🔗 Drew It's like something out of a Buddy Hackett movie from the 60s, novelty dressing.

42:35🔗 Adam Yeah, it's like, hey, can we get that in beige? Make it a little purple at the end? Just leave it. Yeah, it looked like a club. And how do you whiz through that dressing?

42:45🔗 Caller They leave the very top of the head open so you can still go to the bathroom. But there were stitches and it was nasty.

42:51🔗 Adam All right, so how's the first whiz feel?

42:54🔗 Caller The first whiz burned a little bit.

42:56🔗 Adam Burned a little.

42:56🔗 Drew That's more because they had a catheter in probably for the procedure.

42:59🔗 Adam Oh really?

42:59🔗 Caller I don't know really, but.

43:00🔗 Adam Really catheter?

43:01🔗 Drew Maybe, gotta keep it clean.

43:04🔗 Adam You mean they can't let anything get back in there?

43:06🔗 Drew I would think they'd probably catheterize, but I don't know.

43:09🔗 Adam I bet they wouldn't. All right, so Nathan, did you have a catheter in or not?

43:13🔗 Caller I don't think I did.

43:14🔗 Drew He wouldn't know.

43:14🔗 Adam No, you would know.

43:15🔗 Drew No, they'd do that while they were in the sleep.

43:17🔗 Adam They would give you a little heads up and you'd probably be pretty sore.

43:20🔗 Caller Yeah, I didn't.

43:22🔗 Adam So anyway, I had that, actually last time I had a cavity filled, the guy insisted on it. I thought it was a little out of line, but it felt good.

43:33🔗 Caller Adam, my surgery was a day after yours.

43:35🔗 Adam Oh really?

43:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

43:37🔗 Adam Good times.

43:37🔗 Caller So I could relate to the gown thing.

43:42🔗 Adam Yeah, oh yeah, ass hanging out again. At least your junk was getting worked on.

43:49🔗 Drew How is it they didn't catheterize us for our hernia operation? We were completely under general, things relaxed.

43:54🔗 Adam What?

43:55🔗 Drew How do they keep stuff from coming out?

43:57🔗 Adam I'll tell you what they do is, well first off, I don't know what there is to come out because they give you that nothing after midnight.

44:05🔗 Drew But then they open an IV up right away as soon as you get in there.

44:07🔗 Adam It starts, it's dripping. I mean, it's just barely enough to keep your eyes from not drying up, they're not coming out. And you take that nervous whiz mostly so you can blast a nice fart off.

44:18🔗 Drew By the way, I was there to witness that, you remember that?

44:21🔗 Adam My whiz? Yeah, you walked in, I think, as I was whizzing.

44:25🔗 Drew Trying to, yeah, and you were telling off a nurse about something.

44:28🔗 Adam Well, they say you couldn't, well now did you walk in on my second can't go home until you whiz?

44:33🔗 Drew I got that one, but I got the first whiz before the procedure when you were talking about how uncomfortable it was that you'd said to my friend the neighbor that the neighborhood had gone south because he was moved in. You were pissing with your ass hanging out in the pee. I beg your pardon Anderson, with your butt hanging out.

44:49🔗 Adam Drew, the anesthesiologist was from where, Drew? Where's the guy from? East Jamaica or something. He has a crazy nationality, this guy. And he said, you know, Dr. Drew lived in my neighborhood, but then he moved out. He started it. He said, Dr. Drew thought he was too good for our neighborhood, so he moved into a big house, somewhere else. And I said, well, actually, it's cause you're ethnicity. He told me, you know, when those breeds start moving in, it's time to move out, bring down the property value. The guy started looking at me like, all right, now you're gonna die, and I'm gonna make it look like an accident.

45:25🔗 Drew And then, so we come back, he grabs me in the hall. I happen to be out in the hall two minutes later. Guy grabs me, pulls me over to Adam, and Adam basically denied what he'd said, but said, well, what I actually said was, Drew didn't like the way the neighborhood was going. Didn't like the direction he was headed.

45:39🔗 Adam Please, I was clearly busting the guy's chops.

45:41🔗 Drew And you were urinating at the time, with your tush hanging out, which I find upsetting, just dramatic.

45:47🔗 Adam Here's the thing, why the gowns? Why the gowns that tie in the back when you, by the way, in your life, how many bows do you think you tie in between your shoulder blades and behind you? Do you got some blouse that you wear? Is there a summer dress? As a male, especially. Is there a bra you're putting on? Look, most males can't touch their hands behind their shoulder blades, much less tie a bow. And the mirror doesn't help. That makes it worse, by the way. And so what ends up happening is, and they don't put it on or anything. What they do is they just go, here you go, put this on. Yeah, what they really need is like in the old, in days of yore, they would have like hermaphrodites floating around, people with like no genitalia, who would just coat, they should just go around.

46:34🔗 Drew Unix.

46:34🔗 Adam Unix, yes. They should have unix going around and tying your thing for you. So that, you know, they're getting no sexual charge out of it, but there's no female that you're gonna embarrass by. It's in their 20 minutes. I pulled the whole goddamn gown around me and started tying, I almost strangled myself. It's like, what happened to him? He hung himself. No, no, no, he just, he was trying to get his goddamn gown tied and he died in the, he died waiting to urinate. And make ethnic jokes about the anesthesiologist. It's very sad, but that's the way he would have wanted to go. All right, let's take a break. I'm fired up now. Listen, I got two words. It's called Velcro. You understand it? How about a little Velcro strap? And it's rope too. It's rope, you can't tie it, it comes untied immediately. Okay, all right, we're taking a break. Now I'm fired up. We'll be back. Right. Right. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. When we were talking last night, Drew, I should say last, Drew got me going. Actually, when the callers got me going, recently had a little surgery on the hospital gown. And those of you who have not donned the hospital gown, first off, gown, not great name for the fellas, robe, much stronger. Gown, nice for the ladies, evening gown.

48:21🔗 Drew But then gown doesn't even come close to describing what this thing is.

48:25🔗 Adam No.

48:25🔗 Drew No. So robe would be good, hospital robe.

48:27🔗 Adam That's called a robe. And secondly, it's that one size fits nobody size thing. There's nothing worse than being a good size male for one of these hospital gowns, by the way. They tie in the rear, there's four inches worth of doubled over cloth that's the kind of thing that if you did manage to tie it into a bow, two and a half steps, the thing blows open, the sack comes flying out, basically. Basically, and your sack doesn't just come out like it normally does, it's spring loaded at this point. It's really, when you think about the hospital, and you think about, like I said, when I had hand surgery, I had a 10 minute argument with them about why they needed my underpants. But look at it this way, let's just look at it this way. We're performing surgery on your left hand. We're gonna have you laid out on a six foot sandwich board and strapped down so you don't move like Jesus on the cross. We're gonna need your underpants. We're giving you this flimsy piece of material with a couple of small pieces of yarn that you're not gonna be able to tie in the back and suck on this until you go to sleep. It's like, okay, are you guys here to put me in weird positions and film me? Like, do you wanna see my sack? I'll just show it to you, you wanna see anus?

49:43🔗 Drew I'll show you ass now. Well, it's second anus rounds.

49:45🔗 Adam It really is, it's like, it really seems like a ploy to see your scrotum. It really does, like, give me the underpants, take these drugs, put this gown with no back on it on, and go to sleep. We're just, you're just working on my hand. Give me the underpants!

50:05🔗 Drew They might explode. They're gonna catch fire.

50:08🔗 Adam Oh, Christ, here's all I said.

50:10🔗 Drew Let's think about it for a second. Why have they not just relinquished the open to the back thing? Because you're not going for the back action. You're usually working on the front.

50:19🔗 Adam And by the way.

50:20🔗 Drew Why not just have a robe? A robe that goes around like a bathrobe.

50:23🔗 Adam Let me explain something too. People are used to the concept of donning the robe in foreign places, such as if you go to a hotel and you go down to the workout club and you want to take a sauna, you get a robe. You know what I mean? You're used to sort of putting the robe on. There's many places outside of your home where you're used to the robe. It wraps around, tie the thing in front. The assless robe, and by the way, hospitals. Why don't you just start handing out chaps at this point? Essentially, just turn yourselves into a gay bar. Put some sawdust down on the floor and start handing out chaps. It's really what you are. You're turning into a gay bar with tongue depressor.

51:03🔗 Drew All kidding aside is that if you needed to get all clothing off somebody and they're on their back getting work done, you can slip it off the front. It comes off the arms forward, as opposed to rolling somebody over and off and get the arms cut off or whatever.

51:15🔗 Adam Here's all I want. Here's all I want out of life. This is all I want out of life, Drew. You understand?

51:20🔗 Drew At least I got it here.

51:21🔗 Adam I don't want things to change. All I want is the voucher. I want the piece of paperwork that says, look, Mr. Corolla, we're doing surgery on your left palm. You want to keep your underpants. We would love to stare at your ass and sack and by the way, nothing greater than the half-drugged up coming out of the coma transfer from the gurney onto the bed with the sack flying 10 ways to Sunday. It was like a sack tidal wave. You understand? Three nurses were killed by my, buried by my sack. There's no possible way that, first off, you have been drugged up to the point where you really don't know, you're a Twilight Zone.

52:07🔗 Drew Probably set the scene here, your sack has been affected by gravity more than most. Gravity has had it, taken its toll.

52:15🔗 Adam Father time, along with the gravity, has taken their toll on my sack. And the point is, is when you're coming out of surgery, it's like a movie where people are leaning over you, talking in slow motion. It's like a bad dream. Now it's time to transfer you from one gurney to the next sort of clumsily.

52:35🔗 Drew And what they do with you, they throw the sack first and you follow. It was great.

52:39🔗 Adam Separate gurney for the sack. Trailer, trailer ball on the gurney, sack on the third wheel behind me, a fifth wheel, I think. All right, the point is, here's my point. Let's give people ropes like dignity. I ain't giving some dignity, but here's all I'm saying. Give me the voucher. Let me sign the thing. Give me the piece of paper that I will gladly sign for everything that says, yeah, here's the deal. I'm gonna keep my midway briefs on, my cotton briefs, while you guys work on my palm, which is nine feet away from my groin. I'm gonna go ahead and keep my underpants on. And if my groin bursts into flames halfway into it, here, wait a second, right here, there you go. Initial here, there you go, you're off the hook. I'm gonna take my one in a billion chance my nuts catch on fire during the course of this procedure. Okay, there you go.

53:30🔗 Drew You should ask my friend, what about all that?

53:33🔗 Adam Oh, I do, I do every time, I do every time.

53:36🔗 Drew The anesthesiologist this time?

53:38🔗 Adam I ask everybody at the hospital, I bug the hell out of them.

53:41🔗 Drew Oh man, they looked very happy, by the way, when I came marching up. Mind you, they grabbed me and took you over to your room, you realize.

53:48🔗 Adam Listen, I had to do about 20 minutes of why nothing but saltines, what's going on here.

53:55🔗 Drew They did mention the saltine thing, that's the first thing the nurse said.

53:58🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's all they got to eat there, saltines.

54:00🔗 Drew He likes the saltines.

54:01🔗 Adam Yeah, he likes the saltines. I once heard a nutritionist say there's no worse food than saltines, it's salt, processed flour, lard and sugar. It's taking the four worst things you can put in your body and shoving them in the way. I bet someone's springing for some triscuits or some wheat thins, for Christ's sake, give me a little peanut butter. That's all I'm saying. Here's some fruit punch and some saltines. What grade we in? Or what am I, 170? Okay, here's the point, I'll pack my own basket like I'm going to the Hollywood Bowl next time with some underpants. All I'm saying is, all I'm saying in life, everybody, is where's the thing we get to sign? I was over at the Galpin Ford this weekend, looking at the Aston Martins, one of the most beautiful cars ever produced. $170,000 automobile. This car, handmade in England, made like fine coachwork, made like a fine Italian shoe. The interior's impeccable. You look upon the top, big yellow iron-on sticker that says, warning, airbag deploys. Put the kids in the backseat. This car that has no backseat, by the way, essentially. Beautiful Connelly leather, beautiful leather suede headliner, beautifully. I mean, this car is the creme de la creme. It is a work of art. It's 170 grand, handmade in England. And then comes the big yellow, yellow, big three by three sticker that's sewn on to the beautiful hand stitched suede visor, which probably cost you 3,500 bucks, warning you that there's in fact an airbag in the automobile and it's ironed on. So you need a razor to get it off. Really? You're gonna take a big yellow warning sticker and iron it onto my beautiful $170,000 work of art. That's it. And by the way, I don't want it there. I don't want the goddamn sticker there. So who do I talk to about it? And who do I sue, by the way? I got, I didn't buy the car, but hypothetically, I got a $170,000 automobile. I don't want your goddamn yellow sticker on it. So who do I sue? Where's the paperwork? I don't want your sticker on my car. It's a beautiful work of art. Stop it. I don't have a kid. I'm not a kid.

56:17🔗 Drew No backseat.

56:18🔗 Adam No backseat. I don't want the sticker. Put the sticker on the other side of the visor. I don't want to stare at it. By the way, you never see it anyway. And no one ever sees it. Thanks lawyers. Thanks for effing everything up. You retards. Oh, Jesus Christ. If we could get these lawyers and these publicists to just ball themselves up and throw themselves into a ocean, it would be great. It would ruin the ocean, I've realized. Ocean couldn't stand that. We wouldn't be able to fish the ocean anymore, but it'd be worth it. Just to get you buzzards out of our lives. Stickers all over everything, warnings sewn on to everything. Everything's etched into everything. You got a beautiful handmade work of art automobile. Got a big yellow, and here's the thing too. Headliner's brown, it's not brown. It's canary yellow.

57:10🔗 Drew Every other country in the world has millions of deaths because they don't have the stickers, and they have millions of inadvertent incidences from people having glassware out on the street or walking with alcohol out on the street. It creates chaos. No other country has functioned because of that.

57:24🔗 Adam Oh, I swear to God. I swear to Christ, what lawyers are doing to this country and what we're all doing, and everyone's just sleepwalking through everything. Everyone, you guys, all of you, just sit at that red arrow at the green light and stare at your warning sticker. Do me a favor, stare up at it. Next time you sit there like a retard at that red arrow, just waiting to get T-boned by drunk, just stare at your yellow ugly warning sticker that was sewn on to your sun visor. Just stare at it. All of you who don't have kids, all of you who don't have back seats in your car, all of you who basically have enough sense to put the stupid kid in the back seat because you've heard 300 stories on it. All of you, just stare at that big ugly vinyl, iron-on sticker on your sun visor while you're waiting at the red arrow with the green light and no traffic coming. Just enjoy, enjoy your America. Daniel? What's happening, baby doll?

58:18🔗 Caller Hi, I was just wondering, since Dr. Drew is an addiction specialist, what's the cure for an addiction?

58:27🔗 Drew Well, that's an interesting question. Is a full-blown addiction that's out of control?

58:32🔗 Caller I don't, like, it's like a mild addiction because I keep on becoming addicted to something and then I find something to replace it, like.

58:38🔗 Drew Yeah, so you're just crossing over from one addiction to the next.

58:41🔗 Caller Yeah, like, cigarettes, gambling, sex.

58:45🔗 Adam What kind of gambling you do?

58:47🔗 Caller Party poker.

58:51🔗 Adam What is party poker?

58:53🔗 Caller Oh, it's like Hold'em.

58:56🔗 Drew Texas Hold'em.

58:58🔗 Adam Do you go down to City of Commerce or something and play that?

59:03🔗 Caller No. Well, I have been to Vegas like twice this summer.

59:05🔗 Drew All right, the deal is, though, Danielle, it primarily sounds like sex is a big part of all this. And when sexual addiction occurs, you have to think about trauma. And if you're a trauma survivor and you're getting addictively, you're heading in the addictive direction, yes, you can get involved in it.

59:21🔗 Caller Well, I've been abstinent for like six months. So I'm over that.

59:26🔗 Drew Well, you're not over that. You're what they call this bipolar phase, where you go from very, very active to very, very shut. All right, so you're also bipolar.

59:33🔗 Adam Well, wait a, how much money do you lose when you gamble?

59:37🔗 Caller I've actually blown like 300.

59:40🔗 Adam You've won 300?

59:41🔗 Caller Blown 300.

59:42🔗 Adam Blown 300. That's a lot of guys. Now let's talk gambling.

59:47🔗 Drew Dollars.

59:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:48🔗 Adam How many dollars have you won? Thanks, baby doll. All right, that's all right.

59:56🔗 Drew Deal or venison?

59:57🔗 Adam No, no, this is smart gambling. So you've blown $300 and what do you do for a living? Something with restaurants?

1:00:04🔗 Caller I'm a student.

1:00:05🔗 Adam Student, where at?

1:00:07🔗 Caller I'm not gonna say. Uh-oh.

1:00:10🔗 Caller It's not community college.

1:00:12🔗 Caller I go to school on the East Coast.

1:00:14🔗 Drew What are you doing out here?

1:00:15🔗 Caller Oh, I'm from here. I'm here for the summer.

1:00:20🔗 Adam Here's the thing. East Coast. All right, so you're gonna drive Drew nuts with the college, he loves colleges. I don't care.

1:00:28🔗 Caller I actually saw you, Dr. Drew, on like a video from my abnormal psychology class.

1:00:34🔗 Drew Oh, that's interesting.

1:00:35🔗 Adam Wow.

1:00:35🔗 Caller That was like fires of the mind. It was like bipolar. It was about bipolar.

1:00:39🔗 Drew Interesting.

1:00:39🔗 Adam We're getting out there. Okay, so listen. Can you stop this stuff? And if you can't, then that's addiction, right?

1:00:50🔗 Drew Well, it's hard to know. You're bipolar, so some of this may be mania, too. So I think the important thing is to make sure your bipolar illness is treated by a psychiatrist who also has some experience with addiction and in addition to your biology being handled, that you get a therapist and they begin to talk about some of the trauma issues that it sounds like you may well have had. And if you were motivated, a 12-step program would do you an awful lot of good and it's free. Yeah, 12-step, just go to Gambler's Anonymous or Sex Addicts Anonymous, the SA, or if you get going with a chemical, that particular chemicals group. But you're in the early phases of all this and the fact that you're thinking about it, wanting to, you know, picking up on it is very positive. The fact that you're bipolar increases the risk that it's gonna go out of control. So you really need to be, just like you've had any other chronic condition, you know, if you had some orthopedic problem, you'd see an orthopedist, you'd see a physical therapist, and you might even see somebody that's specific to whatever sports you like to do. I mean, you gotta deal with your mental health the same way.

1:01:43🔗 Adam Yeah, and here's the thing. Gambling, as we've learned from the government, is just plain wrong unless it's a pair of mutual betting horses or it's a Texas Hold'em or a PyGow or a Pan Poker or lottery, which of course makes perfect sense because once you put your grandkids' birth dates in, we all know that ship's coming in. I mean, so you go down to the liquor store and drop your, hammer your welfare check and do it that way. Gambling, just plain wrong. I mean, if it's Blackjack or betting on football.

1:02:17🔗 Drew Or a slot machine.

1:02:18🔗 Adam Or a slot machine, right, right, right.

1:02:20🔗 Drew Or poker, video poker, but not card poker.

1:02:24🔗 Adam Once you cross the imaginary line that someone drew in the Mojave Desert 200 years ago, it's okay to actually feed money into the machine. It all makes perfect sense. Don't get me wrong. It's wrong unless you're 230 miles north. Let's see, let's see, go and eat. Or. A little southeast of here.

1:02:47🔗 Drew Or if your foot gets off of dry land and on to a barge.

1:02:51🔗 Adam Right, right, if you're on a cruise ship.

1:02:53🔗 Drew Not even a cruise ship, but just on the barge.

1:02:55🔗 Adam Just on the water.

1:02:56🔗 Drew The barge can be tied to the land.

1:02:57🔗 Adam You can be on a boogie barge.

1:02:58🔗 Drew Yeah, but that's fine.

1:03:00🔗 Adam Yeah, if your feet are in water, yeah. Or if you're on some land that's owned by indigenous people. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. So it's wrong.

1:03:10🔗 Drew But then it's extra good.

1:03:11🔗 Adam Yeah, and then if you're like in Florida, you can bet on dogs. But you can't do that out here in California. That's wrong. And then of course it's wrong to bet on chickens. Although on horses, it's fine. And dogs, it's not good. Yeah, okay. So the point is, is football, no.

1:03:30🔗 Drew Worst, that's about.

1:03:31🔗 Adam No, football's bad. 21 bad. Texas hold them good.

1:03:35🔗 Drew Roulette, horrible.

1:03:36🔗 Adam Roulette, horrible. Dogs, good in Florida. Bad in California. Horses, good. Yeah, but it's just good.

1:03:44🔗 Drew In New York.

1:03:44🔗 Adam In New York.

1:03:45🔗 Drew In Kentucky.

1:03:45🔗 Adam In Kentucky. Lottery, good, great.

1:03:48🔗 Drew Everywhere.

1:03:49🔗 Adam It's great everywhere. In casinos, good, and cockfighting bad.

1:03:55🔗 Drew But the casino, again, is bad.

1:03:57🔗 Adam And high-lie, bad, but good in Mexico.

1:03:59🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:04:00🔗 Adam Oh, in Florida.

1:04:01🔗 Drew Yeah, good in Florida.

1:04:02🔗 Adam Okay, all right. So, listen, it all makes sense. It's a very consistent stance.

1:04:06🔗 Drew It's a philosophy. It's a philosophically consistent position.

1:04:09🔗 Adam Very consistent, yeah. I love when the government does this and everyone goes, screw you. Like, they wanna know why people keep doing something. You guys have no stance on it. You have a ridiculous stance. It's really, it's like you're the government and if you're a parent and you have five kids, and you're like, okay, your curfew is 10 p.m., yours is 10 p.m., yours is 4 a.m., yours is nine, and it's like, hey, the one is 4 a.m. is eight years old and the one is 10 p.m. is 14. How's that? How are you gonna tell a 14-year-old not to come home after midnight? You know what I mean? It's like, we're so all over the goddamn map with all this stuff. It's no wonder no one listens to that. You guys don't have a stance.

1:04:51🔗 Drew But the common thread in all of this that it's the laws.

1:04:54🔗 Adam Oh yeah.

1:04:54🔗 Drew The laws are always very consistent.

1:04:56🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:04:57🔗 Drew And they're good because without the laws we'd be on a slippery slope.

1:04:59🔗 Adam Very slippery.

1:05:00🔗 Drew Slippery slope.

1:05:00🔗 Adam Very slippery, yeah. If I didn't have to travel down to Gardena to play some Pygow Poker, if I could just do it out in Studio City it would be a totally different.

1:05:10🔗 Drew Slippery slope.

1:05:11🔗 Adam Very slippery slope, it's very. This is, that's why we gotta have Kevorkian locked up because we say it's okay for him to do his mercy killing and the next thing you know.

1:05:21🔗 Drew Who's betting on dogs?

1:05:22🔗 Adam Drew's taking healthy patients in this room and then stabbing them with the needles and injecting air into their heart and killing them. And you know what? There's nothing we could do.

1:05:30🔗 Drew Nothing you could do because it's a slippery slope.

1:05:32🔗 Adam Nothing to stop them, by the way, as if they'd be motivated, family practitioner, killing all his patients. Hey, what's the stop? I always like that argument too, that retard argument. Well, what's the stop? What's the stop? I guess he wouldn't have, I'm guessing he wouldn't have went to medical school if he's planning on just mercy killings. 14 year olds, perfectly healthy. Nothing to stop and nothing we could do. Really? I'm guessing a decent attorney might be able to get this guy to do some time. Maybe a fine. Derek? 17? What's happening, baby dog?

1:06:10🔗 Yeah, I wanted to know how long sperm lasts outside of like a body, like outside of a body.

1:06:16🔗 Drew Basically until it dries.

1:06:17🔗 Adam I got some in some Tupperware from the ninth grade. And that's outside. Yeah. I flash-frizzed it in my grandmother's freezer.

1:06:26🔗 Drew Is it with just by itself? It's made of fresh, it's fast-frozen?

1:06:30🔗 Adam It's mixed in with some gazpacho my grandfather whipped up in 78.

1:06:35🔗 Drew Uh-huh.

1:06:36🔗 Adam Yeah. Don't tell her. Break her heart. Yeah, Derek.

1:06:40🔗 Yeah, because I got, I was with my girlfriend and I think I got some on my hand and then like a minute or two or three later, we kind of, I went to her with my hand and I don't know.

1:06:50🔗 Adam Right. Where, whoa, whoa, whoa. How did it get onto your hand?

1:06:54🔗 Caller Uh, because we were messing around and I kind of just...

1:06:57🔗 Adam Yeah, was it your hand working your junk or was it her hand?

1:07:02🔗 Caller A little both.

1:07:03🔗 Adam A little both.

1:07:04🔗 A little both.

1:07:07🔗 Caller I just, I was just curious, I, you know, I heard you say that like if there's anal and it kind of drips down, it can go in and...

1:07:13🔗 Drew Yeah, of course, if something's on your hand, you can transport it into the vagina. That's a possibility, but it's highly unlikely. And, you know, if you're worried about this, there is the morning after pill. And you know what? I just love the morning after pill stuff now because finally a consensus is emerging in the medical community where people are saying, you know what, we've been looking at this thing for years and it's fairly clear now this thing works almost exclusively by preventing ovulation.

1:07:36🔗 Adam It's an abortion pill, I tell you, Drew.

1:07:37🔗 Drew No, it isn't.

1:07:38🔗 Adam Pure and simple, an abortion pill.

1:07:40🔗 Drew Prevents ovulation just like any other birth control. You take before sex, this one you just happen to take after sex.

1:07:47🔗 Adam I've always tried to explain to you because Drew has always been confounded by this. Why it's not an abortion pill, this could prevent many potential millions of abortions.

1:07:58🔗 Drew Maybe all the abortions used properly. I mean, nearly, really get rid of abortion in this country. This is how you do it.

1:08:04🔗 Adam Why wouldn't the good folks that are against abortion doing all the protesting and shooting the doctors and blowing up the clinics, why wouldn't the right to lifers embrace this new piece of technology?

1:08:16🔗 Drew Get behind it like crazy.

1:08:18🔗 Adam Well, that would be embrace. Why wouldn't they be on board with it instead coming out and putting pressure on a postage like Walmart or Kmart or something with the Mart on the end of it and getting them not to carry it and making a prescription and-

1:08:35🔗 Drew Not letting it be over the counter, even though there's 100 million prescriptions worldwide, not a single adverse event. You can't say that of Tylenol, Aspirin, anything else.

1:08:45🔗 Adam So, Drew perplexed as to why these people would not get behind this. Answer-

1:08:50🔗 Drew Not perplexed, I think you need a stronger word.

1:08:52🔗 Adam Well, angered and dumbfounded.

1:08:55🔗 Drew Dumbfounded.

1:08:55🔗 Adam And outraged.

1:08:56🔗 Drew Outraged.

1:08:57🔗 Adam Although I did provide your answer many times, did I not?

1:09:00🔗 Drew Yes.

1:09:01🔗 Adam They like to complain. They're not so interested in abortions going away. Let me tell you something, out of the movement, 10% of them would like the abortions to go away. The other 90 want to get out and write letters and run people's lives.

1:09:13🔗 Drew Well, you said they don't want young people having sex.

1:09:15🔗 Adam They want people, no freebies. They weren't getting laid in high school. Why should you? It's really what it's about. And as far as their religion goes, Drew and I have talked about this many times. I don't believe they're as into it as they say they are. They wouldn't become as violent when you told them they were idiots. So they're not interested in stopping abortions. They're interested in controlling people. And they're interested in people not having free sex. The idea that somebody can have sex at 15 or 16 or 17 and not have to pay the price of an abortion or taking the child at full term is not something that is palatable to them. And therefore, it's not the abortions they hate. It's the stuff that got you there. And they don't never talk about that because they're hypocrites. And they work on one subject, but it's really the other that they're talking about. And they're just a handful of fanatic letter writers who everyone needs to tell to shut up. And by the way, please, please, please, anyone who writes a letter. And by the way, when are we going to look at religious fanaticism as a form of a mental disorder? Please, please, can we stop respecting these people? Born-again Christians, Shiite Muslims, whoever it is, let's please start disrespecting them. Can we please, for the majority of sane people, can we start telling the Hasidim and the born-agains and the Shiites to shut the F up and go back to the F and cave they came from and get their ass out of our face? And look, whatever retarded policy you guys want to do on the kibbutz or in the cave or up on the mountain when you're waiting for the second coming, just like everyone who was born before you, by the way, who follows your religion was waiting for the second coming. Oh, the rapture, it's coming, go up to the mountain, get the cooler, fill it full of sunny D-tards and wait for the rapture, just like your dad and dad's dad and your dad's dad's dad and the dad, all of them that were in it. Oh, sure, sure he was coming on their watch. Oh, he's coming. Yeah, get up, get up there and get a good seat. And we'll see you at work on Monday. All right, Ham and Job, good times. Yeah, go back to your crappy caves and shut your effing pie holes.

1:11:25🔗 Drew You're not saying they can't practice their faith.

1:11:27🔗 Adam Do it from the safety of your own cave and let the same people make the policies. Cause I don't need anyone's waiting for the Rapture or waiting for the 72 Virgins or waiting for any of this promised stuff that only retard would buy, by the way. I don't need any of those guys setting any policies. Bush a little scary in that department too. I think he believes it. That's the problem. Clinton, he didn't believe it. Clinton's full of crap. I mean, Clinton's just a sociopath when he get a BJ and once in a while had to evoke the name of the Lord so he could not get people PO'd.

1:12:01🔗 Drew Right, to get a buy.

1:12:02🔗 Adam Right, when it keep the votes coming out.

1:12:04🔗 Drew That's the stuff that makes me mad. Why don't we call people out on that?

1:12:07🔗 Adam Clint, Bush, he believes it. Little scarier. Actually, I don't know which one is scarier. Hmm. Hmm. All right, we'll think about that. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

1:12:20🔗 Caller Drew.

1:12:24🔗 Adam Guess how many terrific scents, acts, deodorant, body spray comes in? No, it needs a pin, though.

1:12:30🔗 Drew It needs a knife.

1:12:32🔗 Caller No, no.

1:12:32🔗 Drew I'm telling you, the knife, no, no, knife. I'll take that thing out in three seconds with a knife.

1:12:37🔗 Adam No.

1:12:38🔗 Drew I'll bring a scalpel in here, I'll do it.

1:12:40🔗 Adam Listen, you tried to drain my palm once. I almost had to cut my hand off.

1:12:46🔗 Drew Two, one, go.

1:12:48🔗 Adam There. Hey buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Drew just threatened me with a scalpel, everybody. Said he should go get a scalpel, come in here and I'll do it. You heard him, Chris, right? Is that what he said?

1:12:59🔗 Drew Give me three seconds, I'll get it done. That's right, that's right. I got a big old cyst on his neck.

1:13:03🔗 Adam Something on the back of my neck. I don't know if it's like ingrown hair.

1:13:06🔗 Drew I don't know what it was, a cyst now.

1:13:09🔗 Adam Well, how does something turn into a cyst?

1:13:12🔗 Drew It's either a gland that gets walled off and just starts expanding or.

1:13:15🔗 Adam Oh, you've got glands in the back of your neck? Where don't you have glands? I'm moving there. I'm moving to Glanville, anti-Glanville. All right, so it starts as like, here's why I'm suspicious with the ingrown hair. It's right at the point where.

1:13:32🔗 Drew Give me a needle, let's do it now.

1:13:35🔗 Adam Listen, Chris.

1:13:36🔗 Drew Chris, give me a needle. Oh, he's upset. What do you mean?

1:13:44🔗 Adam Chris can't find his belly button. You think he's gonna find a needle? And find a needle.

1:13:51🔗 Drew We're gonna do this.

1:13:52🔗 Adam And believe me.

1:13:52🔗 Drew And some paper towels.

1:13:54🔗 Adam Okay, please go at it. It's driving me insane. Here's the thing. It's right at the line where when the barber buzzes your neck and gives you the buzz, cleans up the neck, so to speak. Drew, do you even get that by the way? Are you so hairless that they're gonna clean up your neck?

1:14:12🔗 Drew They actually use a blade on that.

1:14:14🔗 Adam Straight edge? Yeah. Sweet. Yeah, they clean up your neck, they'll buzz it around the back, and when the hair comes back, sometimes it'll get a little stubbly. Like I got a little bump on my belly where I had my hernia surgery and they shaved my belly off. You know, it comes back like a bikini line or something. Anyway, point is, is I got some kind of zinger back there. I'm going on week three, it's driving me insane. I can't see it, I can't get to it. Now, normally I'm a surgeon. I drop that pin, I lance something, I drop it right in, I drain that thing right out. But my stuff is tough. I mean, my stuff don't come easy. You gotta work it. You gotta work it hard and you can't just press on it. You gotta cut it. So if we get a pin, Drew, you drop it in the back of my neck, we'll get this thing out. But you know what? I wouldn't be as confident as you are right now. You're very confident, Drew. Remember when you tried to drain my palm?

1:15:07🔗 Drew Yeah, that wasn't fun.

1:15:08🔗 Adam That was painful for me and painful humiliating for you.

1:15:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:12🔗 Adam It didn't work, now did it?

1:15:14🔗 Drew Well, I kind of know what I'm getting into here.

1:15:15🔗 Adam Okay, feel like you do. Producer Ryan is looking at the pin. Here's my guess.

1:15:20🔗 Drew I didn't see you go running.

1:15:22🔗 Adam I saw her get up and move. Now she's entering the studio.

1:15:25🔗 Drew She's actually delighted by this.

1:15:27🔗 Adam Now I know what.

1:15:28🔗 Drew Oh, tack.

1:15:29🔗 Adam Tack. All right, let me see. No, that's good. No, I was about to predict we're gonna get something that's not quite what we need but close enough, which is, that's the disaster. That's like jumping out of a plane with, it's not quite a parachute but yeah, I'm getting some paper towels and, all right, there you go. Here's a tack and we need some light too. Turn the light up, Drew. And please get something out of there. It's been bothering me now for three weeks. I'm gonna take some calls. Wow, Ann's got some paper towels, got a little wet nap, little alcohol on there. Now the white thing you see on there, Drew, is just dried skin, that's what I'm saying. Drew's now putting it into the hole in the back of my neck. All right, that's going on there, Drew. You don't got a mic, but tell me. Yeah, all right, Drew is now, you want the paper towels? All right, Drew is working on the carbuncle on the back of my neck. They see, hold on a second, Drew, now hold on. Now see what was on there was a little piece of dried skin that you thought was like a white cap, right? You think you're in? All right, all right, if it hits my brain, you tell me. Anything coming? Not white, white? Get it, baby. Go, you bastard. I swear to Christ, I'm gonna get a divorce. We're getting married, Drew. I told my wife, I said, would you go at this thing? You know what I yelled at? I said, what kind of chick doesn't wanna go at a man's zit on his back? And no, hold on, Drew, what are you doing with the pin?

1:17:05🔗 Drew I thought it came.

1:17:06🔗 Adam Let me see what you got. You got, ow, ow! What do you got? Relax, you're drilling into my spine. What do you got? Let me see the white, I don't trust you. It's just a little bit. Yeah, Chris, you see anything? No, did you see anything before? Ow, ow, do you have to hit me or can you just wipe it off? Hold on a second. I'm moving, you gotta stop. Now what did you get?

1:17:33🔗 A little bit of white.

1:17:34🔗 Adam A little bit of white or is it? Little toothpaste or was it just dried skin? You sure you got something?

1:17:40🔗 Blood's coming out of it now.

1:17:41🔗 Adam Well, I know blood's coming out. Anytime you bore into a man's neck, blood will, if he took like a sprinkler keen, stab me in the neck, it would have been. All right, let's go, let's go. Get it going there. All right, I'm gonna take some calls. Drew is taking a pin, by the way, a thumb tack that producer Ann produced. That's pretty serious. And that's producing, by the way. You got a thumb tack in here. I got an ingrown hair or something in the back of my neck. Drew is going at it. He swears it's gonna pop. Ow! I'm telling him it's not. Get your mic on. Yeah, I might just fall asleep. I don't go to the phone. Drew's drilling a hole in my spine. Maybe you need some Vicodin. Nell, ow! You're 20?

1:18:24🔗 Caller I am 20.

1:18:25🔗 Adam All right, what's up, baby doll?

1:18:27🔗 Drew This thing needs to be completely fixed.

1:18:28🔗 Caller Oh, a while ago, I think it was over a month ago, a girl asked how she could give her boyfriend better head. And you and Dr. Drew told her to take, whenever she brushes her teeth, to brush further back on her tongue.

1:18:40🔗 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, that does, Drew just endorsed that, but maybe Drew didn't say it. I probably said that helps you with the gag reflex a little bit if you can get that thing. Speaking of head, Drew's giving me neck right now. You tried doing it?

1:18:56🔗 Caller I did, and it actually helped me a lot. I can take more of my boyfriend in now. Really? Yeah, so I thank you very much for that.

1:19:04🔗 Adam Well, you know where we end up.

1:19:06🔗 Caller But I was actually wondering if it's bad for your gag reflex at all.

1:19:10🔗 Adam Well, I'm trying to think, and Drew, I know you're absorbed in my neck bunkle right now, but what about the gag reflex? Obviously, it's something that God gave you.

1:19:21🔗 Caller Well, I mean, after I had started doing it, because it started, I can't think of it, but it worked within a week, and I could take more of it then, but I got really wasted after that, and then I had to throw up, and I couldn't throw up as easily as I normally would have.

1:19:39🔗 Adam Uh-huh. So you started brushing your tongue, you started brushing back of your tongue and getting down in there. It softened up your gag reflex, but then after a hard night of partying, and when you got the spins, you couldn't just put your pinky down your throat and heave because you'd worked on your gag reflex. Well, let me tell you, it's something that... Let me tell you something, as Drew says, no free lunch in nature. Yes, Drew? That's correct.

1:20:09🔗 Drew This thing needs to be excited solid.

1:20:11🔗 Adam All right. Well, okay. All right. Good times there now. What did I get done? What did I say to you, Drew?

1:20:16🔗 Drew There was a little core in it.

1:20:18🔗 Adam No. I told... Listen, 10 minutes ago, you said, if you gave me a pin, it would come out. What did I say?

1:20:24🔗 Drew Impossible.

1:20:24🔗 Adam Impossible.

1:20:25🔗 Drew But I think...

1:20:27🔗 Adam What is that on my neck and how come I've been living with it for three weeks? What's going on? If it's a zit... Like, here's what I wanna scream at my neck. Show yourself. If you're a zit, come on. Bring it.

1:20:39🔗 Drew It's like a solid zit. It's like a bunch of glandular material in there.

1:20:42🔗 Adam What do you do with it?

1:20:44🔗 Drew It may, what I just did, may make it go away.

1:20:47🔗 Adam Or I may die in my sleep.

1:20:49🔗 Drew You might. That's the other possibility.

1:20:51🔗 Adam That's actually more probable that I die in my sleep than I do.

1:20:54🔗 Drew No, no, it may, because I disrupted the architecture there.

1:20:57🔗 Adam Yeah, you could have just hit me with a slipper. Disrupted the architecture. You stabbed me.

1:21:04🔗 Drew But it may also reform it.

1:21:05🔗 Adam You saw bones.

1:21:05🔗 Drew It may need to be actually cut out with a knife, like I said, a knife. Yeah, it's not one of the things you can be, listen, I explored all around there with that needle.

1:21:14🔗 Adam Oh, see, I'll tell you, you give me some oxy-ten and a sewing needle.

1:21:19🔗 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:21:20🔗 Adam There's nothing, I can do a heart transplant with some oxy-ten and a sewing needle. Do you understand? I can separate conjoined twins.

1:21:28🔗 Drew You could probably get-

1:21:29🔗 Adam Bring me some twins from Guatemala that are joined at the skull.

1:21:32🔗 Drew You saw Dateline tonight?

1:21:33🔗 Adam Yes. Give me a pin and some oxy-ten. I will fix those girls. They will lead normal lives. Do you understand?

1:21:42🔗 Drew By the way, that story about the twins, what's the outcome they're alluding to with those two?

1:21:50🔗 Adam I watched Dateline tonight along with Drew and I fast-forwarded through the twins because here's the whole thing with me. Conjoined twins, stuck together at the hip, I can stomach, stuck together at the head is tough. I can't watch it. And it's like stuck together at the hip, tough to watch, but can make my way through it. Stuck together at the head, not gonna make it.

1:22:16🔗 Drew But these kids are severely neurologically impaired. I mean, they're gonna look forward to a life of maybe ambulating, maybe talking.

1:22:23🔗 Adam Well, in the country they're from, they'll probably be president and chancellor.

1:22:27🔗 Drew But the point is, they don't need, oh, what are they doing? The implication was, in the story, Where are they from? They're on their way to recovery. They're gonna be like, they'll be riding their bike.

1:22:33🔗 Adam Where are they from?

1:22:34🔗 Drew Guatemala.

1:22:34🔗 Adam Yeah, what are they gonna do? They hang out and have babies, chase chickens around. That's all they do in this country, and they're not doing anything. That's fine. You need a brain, just hang out. Yeah, they have it better than we do. Take naps, they relax. And by the way, on anyone's terror list.

1:22:54🔗 Drew Hammocks?

1:22:54🔗 Adam They're gonna blow up a few cinderblock houses with thatched roofs and a hammock or two.

1:23:01🔗 Drew By the way, let's switch topics. That terror thing, I just keep hearing city building, city court building, city court building. That's the one they're going for. I just know it.

1:23:09🔗 Adam Well, why are they talking about it?

1:23:10🔗 Drew What do you mean?

1:23:13🔗 Adam Well, I mean, they're not gonna do it now that we're aware of it, are they? You're talking about the city court building in Manhattan. Anyone who's been to the city court building in Manhattan realizes when you stand out on the sidewalk that what it looks like is a chair with three legs. And it basically looks like if you can pop that third leg, that chair's coming.

1:23:39🔗 Drew Right, and that's what I keep hearing. That's what I just hear.

1:23:41🔗 Adam And that is one hell of a chair. And that chair may catch a couple other chairs on the way down.

1:23:47🔗 Drew And Fifth Avenue while it's there.

1:23:49🔗 Adam And it looks like, I mean, it's really, it's a marvel of engineering when you stand under and you look up 12 stories and you're looking at the bottom of the first floor essentially. And like I said, just one stilt holding up the whole south side of the building or whatever it is.

1:24:07🔗 Drew I mean, isn't that, if you were okay with that, the one you'd go for?

1:24:10🔗 Adam I, it seems like a rider truck with just a little manure in it, double parked at the right spot would take out that thing and bring it down. On the other hand, as they've learned with the trade centers and their car bombs, these buildings were engineered more so for those sorts of events and less so for stuff like jet fuel burning, melting I-beams and causing a pancake effect of the floors. They are meant for serious winds, they're made for hurricane type forces, made for earthquakes and natural anomalies and things like that. So structurally, it's like bones, you're bones not breaking but acid, you're not made for acid, you know what I'm saying? And that the jet fuel was the acid. And nobody made anything for it. They were meant to withstand the force of an airplane but not the hundreds and thousands of gallons of burning fuel which ended up taking them down. So the bomb, and you realize the first World Trade Center bomb was a fairly significant bomb. I mean, it took out a couple levels of parking. I mean, it's- 12 levels or something, crazy. It's as much bomb as you could squeeze into a panel truck basically, barely move the, you know, barely rock the building when he damaged any of the floors. So I'm not so sure, even though it looks very tempting, I'm not positive if that building would even come down necessarily if that-

1:25:47🔗 Drew But you know they'll be thinking about melting steel and stuff this time.

1:25:50🔗 Adam One would assume. All right, here's the point.

1:25:54🔗 Drew And I'll beat note.

1:25:55🔗 Adam We can't judge.

1:25:57🔗 Drew Everyone's good.

1:25:57🔗 Adam All cultures are the same.

1:25:59🔗 Drew They're all good.

1:26:00🔗 Adam And we should embrace every culture and every religion. And they're all the same. And everything's, and there's no judging. There's zero judging because everyone's right.

1:26:08🔗 Drew Can't judge.

1:26:09🔗 Adam Listen, unless if everyone's not right, then everyone's wrong. World War II, everyone right. World War I, everyone right. Civil War, North-South, both right. Can't judge, all the same. All right, always remember that, everyone. Always remember you cannot judge and therefore you should never do anything. Take a quick break, we'll be right back. So when it falls again into the ocean...

1:26:47🔗 Drew There's a nut job too. Of course. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Jack DeGee over there, Randy Jackson from American Idol in here tomorrow night. Saw Paula Abdul on the airplane going to New York a week ago, handed me her cellphone. I was sitting down in a first class where I like to reside. I wanna hear her version of the story of you're helping yourself to the champagne and the stewardess yelling you down.

1:27:20🔗 Adam That was on the way back.

1:27:21🔗 Drew Oh, damn.

1:27:22🔗 Adam On the way out, I was a perfect gentleman, plopped down in the seat, Paul Abdul plopped down in the aisle across from me and walked over to me and just handed me her cellphone. Said, there, start talking to this person. Then it turned out it was a guy I knew named Mike. Yeah. Now here's the part I can't figure out. How does Mike know that Paul Abdul must have done that thing? She must have come on the plane and while she was talking on the phone said, hey, you know that Brillohead guy? Yeah. The guy looks like Drake Brady. I can't think of his name. Yeah. He's on the phone. The guy probably just put him on. Let's talk to Jessica who's 21. Jessica?

1:28:06🔗 Caller Hello.

1:28:07🔗 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

1:28:09🔗 Caller I'm having some problems. Every time I have an orgasm, I end up having these really, really bad cramps.

1:28:18🔗 Drew Where are the cramps?

1:28:19🔗 Caller It feels like my uterus just clamps up into a big ball.

1:28:24🔗 Drew Interesting.

1:28:25🔗 Caller It stays like that almost all day.

1:28:27🔗 Adam All day?

1:28:28🔗 Yeah.

1:28:29🔗 Drew Is there any chance you have infection or if you had a pelvic exam recently?

1:28:33🔗 Caller I just went about a week ago and they said that they saw nothing wrong and they did all these tests. They said they didn't find anything.

1:28:42🔗 Are you on any medication?

1:28:46🔗 Adam That's from orgasm but not from sex without an orgasm.

1:28:53🔗 Caller Uh-uh.

1:28:54🔗 Adam So we'd be okay.

1:28:57🔗 Drew Do you have repeated orgasms? Multiple orgasms?

1:29:00🔗 Caller Yes.

1:29:01🔗 Adam Oh, we could really hang now.

1:29:04🔗 Drew Is it only after a certain amount of activity that this starts to cramp? Can you hold off at a certain point?

1:29:10🔗 Caller Um, like, it's even when I masturbate, it's just, it just happens.

1:29:15🔗 Drew No, I understand, but can you limit the number of orgasms, so to speak?

1:29:19🔗 Caller Um, yeah, I could, I suppose.

1:29:21🔗 Drew Can you hold back a little bit and maybe not take to the point that you're cramping?

1:29:27🔗 Caller Yeah, but...

1:29:28🔗 Adam Jessica, you know how many orgasms are in a baker's dozen?

1:29:33🔗 Caller Wouldn't it be like 13?

1:29:34🔗 Drew Yeah, see?

1:29:35🔗 Adam That's why you get the big bucks, baby Don. Yeah. All right, Drew, what about it? Just keep getting back. How about how about orgasm via oral sex?

1:29:44🔗 Drew She probably like that so much.

1:29:46🔗 Adam Do you like the oral sex? But you don't love it? Boy, can we hang. Boy, can we hang. Do you like giving oral sex? Sure. I'm coming out to Seattle. Me and Paul Abdul will be in the front of the next Planet, Lance.

1:30:06🔗 Drew It's probably just really a muscular spasm, quite literally.

1:30:09🔗 Adam All right.

1:30:10🔗 Drew And you got to hold back.

1:30:10🔗 Adam All right. I feel sorry for poor Ariel. She's been on hold for 117 minutes now. Ariel? Uh-oh. Ariel fell asleep. 14. You there, Ariel? All right. See? I tried. Lord knows I tried. Tony. Female Tony? You're convinced your meth use is affecting your dog?

1:30:36🔗 Caller Well, I mean, OK.

1:30:37🔗 I know it sounds stupid.

1:30:40🔗 Caller I know it does affect, it probably affects any living thing that's around you.

1:30:44🔗 Caller Speak up.

1:30:45🔗 Adam Speak up, please.

1:30:47🔗 Caller I've noticed recently that she's become more and more aggressive towards my other dog. I mean, she is very possessive of me and all that.

1:30:58🔗 Adam All right. Well, Tony, we don't do a pet show.

1:31:04🔗 Drew How about stopping the speed?

1:31:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:08🔗 Caller You know what?

1:31:08🔗 Caller That's another thing. I think I'm going to be putting myself in 30-day.

1:31:12🔗 Caller It's called the Elbe House out here.

1:31:16🔗 Drew Excellent.

1:31:16🔗 Caller Excuse me?

1:31:18🔗 Drew Excellent.

1:31:19🔗 Caller And I don't know if that would, I don't think that's really going to help me.

1:31:23🔗 Adam Well, why don't you try it? Here's the thing.

1:31:25🔗 Drew It will.

1:31:26🔗 Adam I'm going to turn it on hold because there are connections so bad. I've had some horrible connections tonight. Go in with whatever attitude you want to go in with, just go in.

1:31:33🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:31:34🔗 Adam How about that?

1:31:35🔗 Drew There you go. And some of your paranoia and preoccupation may just be from the speed itself. It will make you perceive all kinds of things about people and relationships close to you. I've not had people complain about their animals, but I could see where they could get preoccupied with the animals too.

1:31:48🔗 Adam Well, you know.

1:31:49🔗 Drew Because the aggression is always directed at them. You know what? I'm sorry.

1:31:53🔗 Adam My cat thinks he's a person who's covered with hair and has an exposed anus. So in paws and who licks his own genitalia and eats off the floor, you know, out of a bowl on the floor. But she does think she's a person.

1:32:15🔗 Drew Literally.

1:32:16🔗 Adam Literally. By the way, if you're one of those people that thinks your animal thinks it's a person, here's number one, your animal don't think. That's number one. Your animal doesn't think you're a person. Forget about what it is. Animals don't think about stuff. That's why they fall asleep in the street and get run over by UPS trucks. They ain't long on thinking. They do a little reacting. They don't do so much thinking. That's a person. I always like that one. It's like, no, they think they're a dog. They think you're an a-hole. And that's about as far as they get.

1:32:51🔗 Drew Two quick answers. Anna wants to know if she can get pregnant from dry humping. And somebody wants to know which book of mine they should read.

1:32:57🔗 Adam The new one.

1:32:58🔗 Drew Well, Cracked is pretty good. Cracked came out in paper back in about a month.

1:33:01🔗 Adam Cracked's coming out in Banana Leaf.

1:33:04🔗 Drew Papyrus.

1:33:04🔗 Adam Papyrus. Yeah. A couple steps lower than paper. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:11🔗 Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? 877-889-DATE. This hour brought to you in part by AXE.

1:33:36🔗 Caller Experience the AXE Effect.

1:33:48🔗 Adam Well that's the show everybody. Randy Jackson in here tomorrow night for American Idol. Again, the over under on him calling someone dog.

1:33:56🔗 Drew Three minutes. And for me.

1:33:58🔗 Adam I say nine seconds. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo. Something in the back of my neck. Drew is going at it. He swears it's gonna pop.

1:34:09🔗 Caller Ow!

1:34:13🔗 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:34:21🔗 Adam The producer for Love Line is Annie Gold.

1:34:24🔗 Caller Love Line is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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