Wednesday, July 28, 2004

0:57🔗 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience.

1:00🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:10🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:20🔗 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Didn't that go out with Max Headroom in like 1989? Oh, Drew. Drew's mic's on. I thought we agreed we weren't going to have Drew's mic on. It's retro 80s. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew. Board certified physician, Dixon medicine specialist. Dear, dear, dear friend, Alex Borstein is here tonight.

1:48🔗 Alex Borstein Dear, dear, dear friend, I got three. That wasn't a Max Headroom remix. That was real.

1:54🔗 Adam It was a real three, except for I go as high as in the low 30s.

1:58🔗 Alex Borstein Really?

1:59🔗 Adam Yeah. So, I mean, it's good. It's a hell of a lot better than Dear Friend, but like I said, I've gotten up, I think with David Allen Grier, I got to 34, 34, yeah, and then like six My Main Man's. Good for you and Dag. Yeah. I do that with the blacks. I call them My Main Man. I think they like that. That's My Main Man name. That's My Main Man Snoop. Alex, I have, Alex is in Catwoman, by the way, which is in theaters as we speak, and also more notably for Dr. Drew, the family guy. And then of course, Mad TV for all those seasons. What's going on with Mad TV?

2:42🔗 Alex Borstein What's going on with it? It's still on the air. I'm no longer on it, but it's in syndication constantly now on Comedy Central.

2:49🔗 Adam Yes, it is.

2:49🔗 Alex Borstein It's kind of like I'm still on it.

2:51🔗 Adam You know, we always tell this story, but I think we went on the air about the same time Mad TV got started on MTV.

3:03🔗 Drew When we were on MTV.

3:05🔗 Alex Borstein Oh, the TV show, correct.

3:06🔗 Adam Right. And so we would always have the cast of Mad TV. I think they even shot on the same lot for many seasons. And we'd always have them on. And everything was always great, but during the commercial, they'd always lean over and go, this is our last season. We won't be back.

3:20🔗 Alex Borstein We were really neurotic and scared. And they keep you like that at Mad TV.

3:24🔗 Adam They must have done something because people were... I mean, you don't have this with actors. We usually have people lean over, tell us everything's going great, and then we read that the plug was pulled three weeks later. This is just the opposite. Everyone's saying, oh, no, we shan't be back for another season. And then year after year after year, that would come on. And then cast members would change, but it would just keep going along.

3:47🔗 Alex Borstein The people at Mad TV, they're like the Rick James of the comedy world. They'd like beat you and tie you up and into submission and keep you in your place.

3:55🔗 Oh, their radio.

3:56🔗 Adam Do Coke Off, yeah. Yeah, radio's great. Radio's like, us pay you, you should be paying us.

4:04🔗 Alex Borstein Exactly.

4:05🔗 Adam It's your voice that's being heard out there. You're advertising yourself. You can yell your name as many times as you want, Drew. And did you hear the new opening? It was like 45 times. All right, so now Alex, I've known from my experience at Acme. I'm going to call it Acme TV.

4:24🔗 Alex Borstein Acme Comedy Theater.

4:25🔗 Adam Acme Comedy Theater, where we met many years ago, as well as her ex-donor husband, Doug, who once helped smoke out of like a nine-foot bong.

4:36🔗 Alex Borstein Doug, a.k.a. Jackson.

4:38🔗 Adam Doug actually had a shopping cart in his room for a while, and he was on the third floor of an apartment building.

4:44🔗 Drew With the shopping cart.

4:46🔗 Adam With the shopping cart.

4:47🔗 Drew In the room.

4:48🔗 Alex Borstein I'm sorry.

4:49🔗 Adam Here's the thing. Here's the thing about shopping carts. And by the way, you know things aren't going well when you're at the market that has the stick duct tape to the shopping cart so you can't get it out the door. That's bad, because you're in a neighborhood where there's no...

5:04🔗 Alex Borstein Bumper cars.

5:05🔗 Adam There's no loading up the SUVs. Yeah, it's like you're on the pier. That powers the cart. See the sparks coming off the top of it? It's on that grid. No, but it's like you're in a neighborhood where people push the cart four miles back to the apartment. That's a bad sign. You don't see that stick at Gelson's.

5:22🔗 Alex Borstein It's a mode of transportation in some neighborhoods.

5:24🔗 Adam That's right. You know what you see? You know what you see at the nice markets? The little handicap scooter thing.

5:29🔗 Alex Borstein Or now they have them for kids so you can start training little girls early to shop.

5:33🔗 Adam Really?

5:34🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah, you see the little tiny ones.

5:35🔗 Adam Shopping carts. But I'm talking about the motorized ones.

5:39🔗 Alex Borstein Those are nice for women with large rears.

5:41🔗 The little larks, yeah.

5:44🔗 Adam That means you're at a good market. All right, so good market, little motorized handicap cart.

5:49🔗 Drew And tiny, tiny vehicles.

5:50🔗 Adam And tiny ones for the kids. Bad market, piece of a rigid conduit duct taped to the side of it so you can't get out the front door.

5:58🔗 Alex Borstein Safety hazard.

5:59🔗 Adam By the way, talk about indignity. You got to like offload the bag in the threshold of the door, like in the jam, and then drag the stuff out to the car if you have one.

6:09🔗 Drew What's the point?

6:11🔗 Adam I don't know, but it's a bad sign you go to that market. Alex Borstein is in Not Only a Catwoman and coming back as...

6:21🔗 Drew Karen.

6:22🔗 Adam As who?

6:23🔗 Drew Is that the voice name?

6:24🔗 Alex Borstein Lois.

6:24🔗 Drew Lois, I beg your pardon.

6:25🔗 Adam Karen.

6:25🔗 Drew Where'd I come with Karen?

6:26🔗 Adam I don't know, Drew, but that's why you can't talk on the show.

6:29🔗 We've talked about this many times.

6:30🔗 Drew Trisha Takanashi.

6:31🔗 Adam Yeah, he's your reporter. That's you too, right?

6:34🔗 That is also me, Adam, yes.

6:37🔗 Adam Alex has a gift for voices.

6:39🔗 Oh, something you share with her.

6:41🔗 Drew Oh, no, that's right. You didn't get one.

6:44🔗 Adam I wasn't there that day.

6:44🔗 Drew You didn't get the first voice.

6:46🔗 Adam You didn't get the first personality, so shut up.

6:48🔗 Alex Borstein Adam got all the looks.

6:50🔗 Adam That's right. Look at the matinee idol, Good Looks, that's why I'm on the radio. Yeah, so what is going on with Family Guy? Because let me say this about the Family Guy. I love the Family Guy. I announced to everybody what a great show the Family Guy was right out of the gate.

7:04🔗 Alex Borstein You did. We were on at the very beginning. You had Seth and I on.

7:07🔗 Adam This was a great show. I love this show. What was Drew? Drew, what did you say?

7:10🔗 Drew I just sat like a grouper.

7:13🔗 Adam You just sat there.

7:13🔗 Alex Borstein He said kids and their rock and roll music.

7:15🔗 Adam Yeah, he didn't understand it at all. Grandpa Drew didn't understand it at all.

7:20🔗 Drew So the baby talks and they understand.

7:22🔗 Adam Didn't understand. But now he understands, does he?

7:25🔗 Drew Now I am one with it.

7:26🔗 Adam Yes. And you know the errors of your ways.

7:29🔗 Alex Borstein We are going to have Dr. Drew on the show, actually.

7:31🔗 Adam Well, he hits up everybody.

7:34🔗 Alex Borstein I think we're going to do it. I also write on the show.

7:37🔗 Oh, good.

7:38🔗 Adam He made an ass with himself with Mila Kunis.

7:41🔗 Alex Borstein Mila has no power.

7:43🔗 Adam That's what I was telling him. It's like, here's the thing. She's too young. She's too skinny to have any power. Leave her alone. She's drunk. She's trying to enjoy a party. Drew's like, can you get me on? Can you get me on?

7:56🔗 Drew It was pretty funny.

7:57🔗 Adam Oh, I said, it's like bugging a Dalmatian to get a job as a fireman. Why don't you ask Shatner if you can get a ride on the Enterprise, you retard. It's just a set. She has no juice over there. She's happy to have the gig.

8:15🔗 Alex Borstein She's cute as a button.

8:16🔗 Adam Sweet pea.

8:17🔗 Alex Borstein I'm thinking maybe I'll write an episode where Lois maybe goes to Dr. Drew for advice and they end up having a tort affair.

8:24🔗 Drew That would be awesome. Wouldn't that be great? Who?

8:27🔗 Adam I know they have a crack, a staff of writers on the show, you're amongst them. And Seth, does he see the head writer or how does that work?

8:37🔗 Alex Borstein Seth, Seth sits on a golden throne in a soundproof chamber. We hold notes up to the glass. We're not allowed to talk to Seth.

8:46🔗 Adam And he does thumbs up or thumbs down?

8:53🔗 Alex Borstein He's really active with the writing of the show. He's in the room as much as he can be pitching jokes. He's really the backbone. I'm not just kissing butt here. It's his bizarre, warped sense of reality that we all kind of glom on to. But there is otherwise an incredible staff.

9:08🔗 Adam Is everybody back to work? Is it how many episodes? I know they have to be animated, but how many have been recorded?

9:17🔗 Alex Borstein We have recorded seven so far.

9:19🔗 Adam How many planning on doing?

9:21🔗 Alex Borstein Well, there's definitely a whole season order, which is twenty five, something like that. And really, I have plans for thirty five.

9:27🔗 Drew Was in Cape Cod a couple weeks ago and had a kohok.

9:31🔗 Adam Oh, really? You were in kohok?

9:34🔗 Drew It's a clam dish.

9:35🔗 Adam Oh, you ate kohok. Oh, really?

9:37🔗 Alex Borstein Kohok is a type of clam.

9:39🔗 Adam No, it's the name of the town in the Family Guy. And let me ask if you know anything about this. I just got a semi-urgent call from maybe Seth and his people, must have been a month and a half ago saying, hey, we need you to do voiceover like tomorrow. And then I said, oh, great. And then I got a call later in the day or early the next morning saying, I forget it. So any know what that was?

10:03🔗 Alex Borstein I think it was we had death because I think you are the voice of death.

10:06🔗 Adam I am now. I've replaced Norm MacDonald.

10:09🔗 Drew They got John Stewart to fill in it too.

10:11🔗 Alex Borstein That's right.

10:12🔗 Adam Gilbert finally, finally caved in.

10:17🔗 Alex Borstein I think we had death written into an episode and I think he was removed from the episode. I think that's what happened.

10:22🔗 Adam All right. Well, I'm waiting.

10:24🔗 Alex Borstein You have not been replaced.

10:25🔗 Adam Thank you.

10:26🔗 Alex Borstein So that's death. Sit tight and know that.

10:28🔗 Adam Has not been replaced and Drew must, must end up on this season's episode somewhere. Oh, he will.

10:35🔗 Alex Borstein So kind.

10:35🔗 Adam And here's the thing. And I say this to anyone who's listening in the Hollywood community. No bang for your buck like kissing a little loveline ass. I mean, because we talk about it. Well, here's the thing. Look, I mean, OK, it's a step down in the acting department. Drew over here, admittedly, I mean, I don't know if anyone saw New York.

10:57🔗 Drew You sure didn't.

10:58🔗 Adam I didn't see it.

10:59🔗 Alex Borstein No, but I said a man's capable of playing something other than himself.

11:03🔗 Adam He can't even do himself. Really?

11:05🔗 Drew I do myself.

11:06🔗 Adam You do yourself.

11:06🔗 Drew Well, I figured that one out.

11:08🔗 Adam All right. The point is, is Drew is not the hardest role, you know, Drew's not what you call rangey. But if you give him enough takes, one of them will be usable. I can promise you that it's going to be a step down from a, you know, character actor. Don't get me wrong. But then as the show approaches, we're yapping about it. We're talking about we have a big national audience. People are coming to the television to watch Dr. Drew's episode. So what I mean, we'll make it happen.

11:36🔗 Drew It's a marketing. It's a marketing ploy.

11:38🔗 Adam Oh, absolutely.

11:39🔗 Alex Borstein Really, before I came tonight, I asked Seth if he would join. He had to record a song. They're doing an album, a Family Guy album this year. So he was busy. Otherwise, he would have he would have been here. And he said as I left, he's like, you know, Dr. Drew wants to do he he he would like to blink, blink, blink, blink.

12:00🔗 Adam Does everyone who's talented have to be a weirdo? I'd have to be like, I'd have like a form of Down syndrome where they're genius, but they can't communicate with humans. Like how does that work?

12:10🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah, I think so. I think I think there's something terribly wrong and wired incorrectly.

12:16🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that's us. Well, but it's I like the way you wove yourself in into the genius retard category.

12:24🔗 Alex Borstein Thank you.

12:24🔗 Adam Yeah.

12:25🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah, I like to put myself on a shelf next to Seth MacFarlane.

12:28🔗 Adam I like to think that I'm just at the top of the genius retard thing where I'm not quite genius enough, therefore not quite retard enough. I can actually have conversations with strangers. I don't have to look at my feet. I can participate in sports and things like that.

12:42🔗 Alex Borstein You're right. That is the cutoff. I am not genius because I too can hold a conversation.

12:46🔗 Adam You have a husband, you communicate, you go to the market, doesn't have the stick on the shopping cart.

12:52🔗 Alex Borstein All right.

12:53🔗 Adam Catwoman, by the way, is a husband does a shopping cart in his apartment.

12:57🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

13:00🔗 Alex Borstein I had a shopping cart when I was in ninth grade in my room. So really we share this common bond. Why?

13:06🔗 Adam You know, by the way, why?

13:08🔗 Alex Borstein I thought it was cool. I stole it from the market and I took it home and I knew it was illegal.

13:13🔗 Adam And was it actually in your room?

13:15🔗 Alex Borstein It was in my room. I flipped the inside that part that you put the kids in up over and up. Over and up. Right. And then put some cushions in there and used it as a seat in the corner of the room.

13:27🔗 Drew Where were we living? What city?

13:28🔗 Alex Borstein This was after we moved from Chicago to Los Angeles.

13:33🔗 Drew It's a form of defiance for having moved here, you see.

13:36🔗 Adam Talk about just a, you know, bizarre kismet. Like you end up hooking up with a guy who had a shopping cart. Isn't that interesting?

13:43🔗 Alex Borstein Did you know that, honey?

13:44🔗 Adam And by the way, I've been to, you know, dumps and flop houses. I've never seen, I mean, I grew up in the valley. Everybody I know lived lived in some, you know, one bedroom dump and van eyes. Never seen a shopping cart. Thank Christ that building was destroyed by an earthquake.

14:02🔗 Alex Borstein This is how middle class Jewish kids with no other vices rebel.

14:05🔗 Adam Yeah.

14:06🔗 Alex Borstein Well, start with that. Then it was like a series of shoplifting events.

14:08🔗 Adam That and a bong that actually went to a different time zone. I would actually light it at an Eastern time and Doug would get stoned in in Pacific Daylight time. Yeah, I'd be lighting it at noon. He'd be in stone at nine in the morning. Yeah. It was awesome. Seventy four like like a whole sprinkler system worth a PVC pipe going. I don't know. You got to be stoned just to just to think just to conceive of that bong. But the idea that you also can have like I've never seen a shopping cart 40 feet off the ground. Yeah. You know, the guy was on the third floor. It's it's it's eerie. It's eerie. I tell you. How do you ever get is the curb.

14:47🔗 Alex Borstein It was probably handy.

14:49🔗 Adam No, no, no.

14:51🔗 Drew Another weird defiant act.

14:53🔗 Adam That apartment. Oh my God. All right. And and ultimately the earthquake hit in 94 and I think they just yellow taped the whole place and the cart probably just went down with the wrecking ball. But by the way, when you kids thinks it's a great idea to take those carts home, you know who pays for that?

15:08🔗 Alex Borstein The taxpayers, I'm sure.

15:10🔗 Adam That's right. We all do.

15:11🔗 Alex Borstein I'm sure we do. We all pay.

15:13🔗 Adam We all do. And then and then the other people pay even more because they get the stick on the cart because these guys think it's a hamper and a chair. You understand? Not a modality for moving groceries.

15:25🔗 Alex Borstein It was artistic license. It was creativity.

15:27🔗 All right.

15:27🔗 Adam Well, stop it.

15:30🔗 Hey.

15:31🔗 Adam You're 16.

15:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

15:32🔗 Adam What's up?

15:33🔗 Caller Well, I just want to say I love this show. Actually Family Guy and Loveline are my two favorite shows.

15:38🔗 Adam Oh, thanks.

15:39🔗 Caller Yeah. So, yeah, I got a question. I'm uncircumcised and I don't know, I was just wondering like how you think that like could affect me sexually or I don't know, I'm kind of worried that like a girl might see it and like think it's weird or whatever.

15:54🔗 Drew In the United States, it's amazing how sort of squeamish young women can be with this. It's no big deal. There's going to be certainly more men without having had that procedure as time goes along. It doesn't affect your performance, it's not going to affect you any, but some women may have had some difficulty getting used to it, but it's not a big deal.

16:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

16:11🔗 Alex Borstein Do you want me to speak? Yeah, please.

16:13🔗 Adam From my experience?

16:14🔗 Alex Borstein I will, I'm going to be completely honest. I have never been in the same room as an uncircumcised man.

16:19🔗 Drew Oh well. Show her, Drew.

16:22🔗 Alex Borstein Wow.

16:22🔗 Adam You got to find a foreign exchange student to bang Jay.

16:28🔗 Drew Then they won't even notice it.

16:29🔗 Alex Borstein Here's the thing. But I'm not, if I wasn't married, I'm not opposed to it. I don't have any...

16:35🔗 Adam Yeah. It's a little freaky because we've spoken to a lot of women. I don't think it's freaky for 30-year-old women. I think it's a little freaky for 16, 17-year-old women who are sort of freaked out by girls, young ladies who are sort of freaked out by the whole package anyway. It could never get uglier than the ball sack though. That's the good news. The penis' neighbor, the sack, it's like having Quasimodo live underneath you in an apartment.

17:03🔗 Alex Borstein Here's a newsflash, guys, though, circumcised, it's not that pretty either.

17:06🔗 Adam None of it is that great.

17:07🔗 Alex Borstein It's not a pretty organ.

17:08🔗 Adam It really isn't.

17:09🔗 Alex Borstein No.

17:09🔗 Adam No.

17:10🔗 Alex Borstein It's not like a breast or anything.

17:12🔗 Adam No. Truly, it's not meant to be drawn. It's meant to be embraced. Close your eyes and get on it, but it's not a bowl of fruit. You see what I'm saying? You don't draw it. Just get busy with it. That's what I'm saying. All right. So here's the thing. You're fine, and I think women are a little bit above that stuff, too. For the most part.

17:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

17:34🔗 Adam It's not going to be a deal-breaker. You find someone who's into you, it will be a deal-breaker. Little freaked out, but not deal-breaker.

17:41🔗 Caller Right.

17:41🔗 Adam Find someone who's in love with you. You'll be fine.

17:43🔗 Drew Joe, 23.

17:46🔗 Caller Yes.

17:47🔗 Adam What's up?

17:49🔗 I'm 23 and I have a problem with erectile dysfunction. I've been with a girl for about a year and a half now and everything works, just not as well as I'd like it to, you know. I want to see if that's something I know.

18:12🔗 Drew Tell us exactly what happens.

18:14🔗 Well, it's hard to get aroused. It takes a long time and it's hard to maintain an erection. Sometimes it'll just go limp.

18:23🔗 Drew During intercourse?

18:25🔗 Yes, in the middle of everything.

18:26🔗 Drew Are you on any medication? Do you have any medical problems?

18:30🔗 Not that I know of.

18:31🔗 Drew Are you in a monogamous relationship?

18:34🔗 Yes.

18:36🔗 Drew And that's been going okay?

18:38🔗 The relationship, yeah, she's been real good about everything.

18:43🔗 Alex Borstein Do you drink? Do you drink?

18:46🔗 Drew Or do drugs?

18:48🔗 No.

18:49🔗 Drew Have you been depressed or anything of that sort?

18:52🔗 I've had, no, I haven't been clinically diagnosed with depression or anything like that, it's a possibility.

19:03🔗 Adam Is there, what's something going on in the background we need to know about?

19:07🔗 Nothing really, pretty normal childhood.

19:10🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, I mean, eight feet from you.

19:15🔗 Wait, run that by me again?

19:16🔗 Adam Is there TV on or something?

19:18🔗 Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

19:19🔗 Adam All right, Jack, off. Jesus Christ. It's so loud that it becomes distracting to us. Let's turn the TV down, you idiots. How much time you guys spend on national radio? I got to hear Sports Center in the background blaring.

19:34🔗 Alex Borstein You're tough, but you're fair.

19:35🔗 Adam I'm tough, but I'm fair. I really am.

19:37🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah.

19:37🔗 Adam And that's why I think I'd make a fantastic politician. You know, it's weird. Whenever, whenever the elections come every four years, I start getting fired up because I see too much of it. I'm running for something. It's like when I see the Olympics, I'm going to start picking up the pole vault. I'm going to start picking that up.

19:55🔗 Alex Borstein I'm guessing the admission of the 30 foot PVC pipe might, I don't know, make color that. Not anymore.

20:01🔗 Adam Yeah. And like I said, I was I was merely the big man. I didn't actually I didn't actually take a draw off it. I was just it took three guys to operate it.

20:11🔗 Alex Borstein Right.

20:12🔗 Adam I was I wore the yellow vest. It's like a carrier deck. We'd have there's a flag guy who actually ran who'd actually would clear traffic who ran was at the end. I wore the yellow vest. I was in the middle. And then we had a fourth guy work the carb. So it was actually it was actually a four man, four man job. I just learned. Yeah. And I would try to talk Doug out of it, but he'd had none of it. One time he backhanded me and said, that's insolent.

20:37🔗 Drew Hey, we finally got a useful e-mail got a referred us to a website that is about airplane from the FAA regarding airplane turbulence.

20:45🔗 Adam Oh, really?

20:45🔗 Drew Turns out in the last 20 years, it's been three deaths, two of which airplane turbulence, 70 injuries, two, three deaths, two of which, two of the three had their seatbelts on.

20:55🔗 Adam Oh, really?

20:56🔗 Drew Had their seatbelts on.

20:57🔗 Adam So it's actually worse. Two of the three had the seatbelts on.

21:00🔗 Alex Borstein What? What? They were pulled?

21:02🔗 Drew I don't know. Did they squeeze their spleen?

21:04🔗 Adam Yeah, here's my... Well, I mean, you can die in a car crash with your seatbelt on. It's a deceleration thing. The valve pops off your aorta, like pops off your heart, and if you're old, that's what happens. I mean, isn't that what happens, by the way, with most accidents involving sudden deceleration?

21:23🔗 Drew It's that or head.

21:25🔗 Adam That or your head smacks something. Here's what happened. There's a public service announcement that talks about airplane turbulence and how we need to wear seatbelts in commercial aircraft. It drives me insane because it's a colossal waste of the taxpayers' money doing a public service announcement and repeating it over and over on this radio show to remind you to buckle up when you're in a commercial airplane, because when you're in a commercial airplane, obviously, you're reminded over and over to buckle up. And how many people die from turbulence each year? Well, three in the last 20. So I guess it's a waste.

22:02🔗 Alex Borstein But what is curious to me is that a little less than those seatbelts on school buses. I don't know.

22:08🔗 Adam And those things are like, first off, three quarters of the people that drive school buses. Here's your choices. Yeah. You're either. Right. Three choices. Four choices. Four choices. Drive a school bus. Pedophile. X-con. X-con. Pedophile. That's a combo. Variations. Guy who's cooking up math and has got to get back to his place. Or the guy who wore the green vest when we're operating Doug Spong, which is the number four man. I think, again, the carb. The guy worked the carb. He would actually use, I think they use him, I call him bellow. They would actually stoke it and then he would go work the carb. It was a real ballet going on out there.

22:51🔗 Alex Borstein I took a school bus to Hollywood High in 10th grade every day.

22:55🔗 Adam Yeah. No seatbelt, right?

22:56🔗 Alex Borstein No seatbelts. Our bus driver was named Mr. White and he drove like a crazy man.

23:00🔗 Adam Ironically, black guy.

23:02🔗 Alex Borstein Black guy named Mr. White.

23:03🔗 Adam I love that. I always love that.

23:04🔗 Alex Borstein You want to hear another interesting school bus story? In Chicago, our school bus driver at a Jewish private day school was John Malkovich.

23:11🔗 Adam Oh, wow.

23:12🔗 Alex Borstein Fun story. Isn't that neat?

23:14🔗 Adam The John?

23:15🔗 Alex Borstein The John Malkovich.

23:16🔗 Adam Wow.

23:16🔗 Alex Borstein At the time at the Steppenwolf Theater was clean as bills driving Jews to school.

23:21🔗 Wow.

23:21🔗 Drew We thought that was just his name. The guy's name was actually him.

23:24🔗 Alex Borstein It was actually him.

23:25🔗 Drew Was he as weird then?

23:26🔗 Alex Borstein I was very little. I don't remember. It's just a cool couch story now.

23:30🔗 Adam The fact that I'm going to go ahead and take that as one of my stories too. Every once in a while I hear a good story.

23:37🔗 Alex Borstein It's yours.

23:38🔗 Adam Yeah, no, I'll adjust it. I'll say it was over at North Hollywood High. Eventually, our paths will cross because someone will say, I talked to Alex Borstein, said he was out in Chicago. He drove a bus. He got around.

23:48🔗 Alex Borstein I'll let you have that one.

23:50🔗 Adam Yeah, it is bizarre that no seatbelts like that. If you're in a plane, you will get arrested if your seatbelt is not on when you're taxing. Yet the school bus filled with nothing but kids and in the back of the school bus, nothing but a curved metal bar. Pretty much. I mean, perfect for brain damage. I mean, they really worked it out. So 12 year olds forehead would would just about straddle that bar and cause enough brain damage just so we could keep alive with with a ventilator for next 60 years. No, no seatbelts for that kids, for Christ's sake, no, no plan for that. No zero. They have them turning over all the time. I like now they have the bus cam, by the way, they have the lipstick cam so we can see the guy get the crap beat out of him in the background when the bus driver does nothing.

24:33🔗 Alex Borstein Do they have a bus cam?

24:34🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, they'll put the they have the little lipstick cam pops up on the news every once in a while. Not so much on the Jewish buses, but some of the more inner city buses where people are just beating the crap, just 12 year olds beating the snot out of each other in the bus driver like saying, I imagine saying, cool it, you know, don't make me closing over. Yeah. Or flip the flip the dome light on and off. Alex Borstein is in studio tonight. She is Halle Berry's buddy and cat woman.

25:03🔗 Alex Borstein Yes, I play Halle Berry's best friend and best friend, best friend. We're so close that I have no idea she's cat woman.

25:10🔗 I mean, how was she?

25:12🔗 Adam Oh, wait, we got to talk, when we get back, we got to get the real skinny on whether she was aloof or nutty or tried to pull a diva thing or.

25:19🔗 Alex Borstein I'll give you the skinny.

25:20🔗 Adam Please, after this.

25:31🔗 Caller The summer's never been hotter.

25:32🔗 The Olympics begin August 13th on the networks of NBC.

25:45🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Alex Borstein is here tonight. Alex, you know, is the voice of Lois from The Family Guy.

26:00🔗 No toys at the stables, do we? A little something, something.

26:06🔗 Adam And Trisha.

26:06🔗 Drew Stewie back.

26:07🔗 Adam Takenani.

26:08🔗 Caller And Trisha Takenawa.

26:11🔗 Adam Yeah, Asian news reporter and also.

26:14🔗 Drew You're more Stewie too there, Anderson.

26:16🔗 Adam Yeah, there are more. There is more.

26:19🔗 Caller There's a homosexual, and I think to myself, my God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?

26:25🔗 You know what's funny is he said that on the show, and then I saw it on that show.

26:29🔗 Drew On the cartoon, yeah.

26:31🔗 Adam Well, you hear it here first. Also, yeah, I think Seth did some voices for us on Crank Yankers, too.

26:40🔗 Alex Borstein Oh, that's right.

26:41🔗 Adam And was fantastic as the 40s announcer guy and many other, many other characters.

26:48🔗 Alex Borstein He's a talented boy.

26:49🔗 Adam Talented, but again, social retard. That's the price you pay.

26:53🔗 Alex Borstein Yes, I know he's working right now.

26:55🔗 Adam We're good, but not so good that we can't establish eye contact with others.

26:59🔗 Alex Borstein Yes.

26:59🔗 Adam You see?

27:00🔗 Alex Borstein That is an issue.

27:01🔗 Adam Yeah, it's nice. It's a bouncing actor.

27:04🔗 Drew Don't be too much of a talent.

27:05🔗 Adam No, I mean, listen, Howard Hughes, he's walking around with the Kleenex boxes on his feet, a beard down to the ground, fingernails out to here.

27:13🔗 Drew Very talented.

27:14🔗 Adam With people like through a garden hose that was stuffed under the door. You know what I mean? Talented guy, genius.

27:20🔗 Alex Borstein Yes.

27:21🔗 Adam There you go. Dying of syphilis in Vegas.

27:23🔗 Alex Borstein Nick Nolte.

27:24🔗 Adam Yeah.

27:24🔗 Alex Borstein Margot Kidder.

27:25🔗 Adam Talents, all talents, all talents. Yeah, sad. See, we're not that talented, but look at us. We're having a good old time.

27:33🔗 Drew Balance.

27:33🔗 Alex Borstein We are.

27:34🔗 Adam Listen, all I need is one of them. One of them paddle ball things, you know, and things that it's paddles, got the rubbery thing on it. That's right.

27:43🔗 Drew Yesterday.

27:44🔗 Adam What, what?

27:45🔗 Drew Love and death on TV.

27:46🔗 Adam Oh, really?

27:46🔗 Drew This morning or yesterday, I can't remember now.

27:48🔗 Adam Drew, what are you doing? All right, so a couple of things. First, oh, so Family Guy coming out. When is Family Guy coming out again, then?

27:56🔗 Alex Borstein You know, they first scheduled us June 2005, but it may be sooner. It may be as early as March.

28:01🔗 Adam Ooh, got to strike while the iron is hot, Drew.

28:04🔗 Alex Borstein Yes.

28:05🔗 Adam Alex is also Halle Berry's best buddy in the new blockbuster, Catwoman. And what's the dirt on her? How is she?

28:14🔗 Alex Borstein How is she? You know, you're gonna think it's boring, but she actually was so nice.

28:19🔗 Adam Nice.

28:20🔗 Alex Borstein I almost wanted to kill my, like, so nice. I kind of could not believe it. Like, upon getting there, she got me a wonderful welcoming gift basket.

28:28🔗 Adam Really?

28:29🔗 Alex Borstein Yes.

28:29🔗 Adam I would never do that.

28:31🔗 Alex Borstein It was very sweet, hugged me, invited me to dinner in her penthouse.

28:36🔗 Adam Really?

28:36🔗 Alex Borstein Yes, apartment. I had dinner with her and her trainer.

28:40🔗 Adam Will you?

28:41🔗 Alex Borstein And some other friends.

28:43🔗 Adam Will you ever see her again?

28:45🔗 Alex Borstein No. Probably not. I make no mistake of thinking that she would actually She wants to chill. consider me a real friend or anything like that.

28:52🔗 Adam Right, but she was cordial, she was friendly.

28:56🔗 Alex Borstein Wonderfully cordial. She actually, way back when, did a guest spot on MADtv. So I had barely met her then and she recalled it and said that to me. You know, she was really, really nice and also going through a divorce right at the time that we started shooting the movie, so.

29:10🔗 Drew Oh, that's right.

29:11🔗 Adam Right, so.

29:12🔗 Alex Borstein Not so much fun for her, but.

29:14🔗 Adam Right, she wasn't, and that could go a couple of ways. Either they could be lashing out all the time or they could just have some of the wind taken out of their sail.

29:22🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah.

29:23🔗 Adam I think she was married to a guy who was maybe a sexaholic.

29:27🔗 Alex Borstein Whatever that means.

29:28🔗 Adam Yeah, whatever that means.

29:29🔗 Drew Well, it means what you think it means.

29:30🔗 Adam He felt that.

29:31🔗 Alex Borstein In his latest article, he says, I did have affairs, but I'm not a sexaholic, which just makes him an ass. Right.

29:38🔗 Drew But people cannot be admitted to programs for addictions without meeting specific criteria.

29:44🔗 Alex Borstein In Hollywood?

29:46🔗 Drew Was he? You can't be an accredited facility unless you have specific admitting criteria.

29:51🔗 Alex Borstein I don't know, both my parents are shrinks. I'm not buying it.

29:53🔗 Drew I run a program.

29:55🔗 Adam Touche.

29:56🔗 Alex Borstein Thank you.

29:57🔗 Adam Yeah, your parents are shrinks. You have a shopping cart in your room. What are they on?

30:00🔗 Alex Borstein Isn't that neat?

30:01🔗 Adam All right, and Alex also has a one-woman play, yes?

30:05🔗 Alex Borstein I am doing a show. It's a comedy special that is August 14th at the Alex Theater. Isn't that neat?

30:12🔗 Adam Mm-hmm.

30:13🔗 Alex Borstein In Glendale, California. And it's called Drop Dead Gorgeous in a down-to-earth bombshell sort of way.

30:19🔗 Adam And that will run for how long?

30:22🔗 Alex Borstein It's one night.

30:23🔗 Adam One night.

30:24🔗 Alex Borstein One night only at the Alex Theater.

30:26🔗 Adam And what night is that, the 14th?

30:28🔗 Alex Borstein Saturday, August 14th. You gonna be there?

30:30🔗 Adam Oh, we gotta do the show that night.

30:31🔗 Alex Borstein Maybe you could broadcast live from the show.

30:34🔗 Adam We'll do it, Drew.

30:35🔗 Alex Borstein In the lobby?

30:36🔗 Adam Yeah. You guys are the best. Actually, we don't broadcast that night. So I'm gonna be there.

30:40🔗 Alex Borstein All right. I'm gonna wait for you. I won't start till you show up.

30:44🔗 Adam As your husband, Doug, knows, I don't like to support the arts. So I can't pay if I actually show up. I will spiritually support the arts, but not monetarily.

30:55🔗 Alex Borstein You're the best.

30:55🔗 Adam I'm not a big fan. Like everybody always says, hey, all those years that, you know, act me, growling, stuff, don't you miss the, are you kidding? And they're like, well, don't you want to get up and do? Why don't you say, how much? And they go, oh, no, no, they're not paying you. And I'm like, oh, screw yourself, I'm not going back there.

31:10🔗 Alex Borstein It's a different animal.

31:11🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't need that. I'm not one of them Malkovich types. It's gonna be- Show me the money.

31:15🔗 Alex Borstein It's like a standup special and we're shooting it on film and then-

31:18🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

31:18🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah, gonna have a little, hopefully a little theatrical release, if not right to DVD.

31:23🔗 Adam Alex is exquisitely talented, by the way, for those of you who haven't heard. Jess? Yes, you're 17. All right, you have a Germany or Florida for us? Here's how the game is played. It's sweeping the nation, by the way, even though no one's heard of it. It's called Germany or Florida. All bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. You tell us the story, we guess. Is it Germany or Florida?

31:52🔗 Caller Things are sick and twisted. Sex, meth, and death fetishes. Both of them have got these.

31:59🔗 Guaranteed not to bore you.

32:00🔗 Germany or Florida.

32:02🔗 Adam Go ahead, Jess.

32:03🔗 Caller Okay, two people, a boyfriend and girlfriend, age 18, savagely slaughtered a homeless man. After the man died, the now incarcerated couple proceeded to burn the man's corpse. The only reason the couple was caught was because the man bragged about beating a helpless person to pulp in a guest house.

32:23🔗 So is it Germany or Florida?

32:25🔗 Drew I've heard this story a while ago, and it must be in the US., and the guest houses are not typically German things, are they?

32:33🔗 Adam I don't know if they call them guest houses. Yes, Alex, you have a thought?

32:38🔗 Drew Zimmerhaus, I think.

32:39🔗 Alex Borstein I think the Germans tend to not burn their bodies. Being a Jew and a huge fan of the Holocaust, I'm going to go with Florida. The Germans don't burn the bodies. They like to slowly let them rot.

32:53🔗 Adam They did put up a couple of them ovens back in the day, but I'm going to go Florida as well. Drew?

33:05🔗 Alex Borstein Florida.

33:06🔗 Adam We all say Florida. Jess?

33:08🔗 I'm so sorry, it's Germany.

33:13🔗 Caller I change the stuff so it's not saying like all the German town names and stuff. So it was against how it's in like Schnitzelville, Germany.

33:22🔗 Alex Borstein Schnitzelville. It's my favorite place.

33:25🔗 Adam Yeah. I think dogs dream about Schnitzelville.

33:29🔗 Drew What's that, Jess?

33:29🔗 Caller I got to see Catwoman and that movie like kicks butt.

33:32🔗 Adam Oh really?

33:33🔗 Alex Borstein Well, thank you.

33:34🔗 Caller And you are hilarious.

33:35🔗 Alex Borstein Aren't you sweet.

33:38🔗 Caller Like an understatement.

33:39🔗 Adam All right. We're not going to send you out a windbreaker. Here's the way this show works. If you win and stump us, you don't get a prize because you've shamed us. You made us feel bad about ourselves. It's only if you intentionally roll over and lose when we're sending you out something.

33:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

33:56🔗 Adam I think that should be our policy. I give people some incentive to let us win. Paul?

34:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:02🔗 Adam You're 16?

34:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:05🔗 Adam What's happening, buddy? You depressed?

34:07🔗 Drew It's a little down there, Paul.

34:11🔗 Adam Sure. You're 16.

34:13🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

34:15🔗 Adam You got a lot of the way to the world on you, right? Yeah. You got to remember your locker combo.

34:21🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:24🔗 Adam It's tough. All right. You ride that bus with no seat belts on it?

34:30🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. Bad times.

34:31🔗 Adam Madman Malkovich at the wheel. Call him from Chicago, by the way.

34:35🔗 Drew Call me Malkovich.

34:36🔗 Adam What's happening, Paul?

34:37🔗 Caller Yeah. My girlfriend has taken birth control and I was wondering, is it safe to have unprotected sex?

34:44🔗 Drew One month.

34:45🔗 Caller One month.

34:46🔗 Drew Second?

34:48🔗 Adam And that's, by the way, six years to us.

34:50🔗 Drew Second.

34:51🔗 Adam You got a boner and you're 16 and one month, it's between four and six years for adult males. For people our age, that is four years.

34:59🔗 Alex Borstein You're saying after waiting, after she's on it for a month, it's safe to have unprotected sex.

35:04🔗 Drew Right. Then in terms of pregnancy, you're safe.

35:07🔗 Adam You know, they have-

35:07🔗 Alex Borstein I thought it was 99%.

35:09🔗 Adam What's that?

35:09🔗 Alex Borstein I thought it was 99% effective.

35:11🔗 Drew 99.97.

35:13🔗 Alex Borstein Ah.

35:13🔗 Adam You know, they have dog years. There's a 16-year-old with boner years. And one month is five years.

35:21🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:21🔗 Adam It really is.

35:22🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

35:22🔗 Adam It really is.

35:24🔗 Drew I remember that sense of time.

35:26🔗 Adam You get older, you know, like if something happened, a tax evasion or maybe I pushed one of those shopping carts out of a thing that had the stick on it or something and I got five years in the joint, I'd be like, I'll do that stand on my head. Let's go. Should we do it this weekend? Let's go. I'll use a break. But when you're 16 and you got a boner, forget about it.

35:45🔗 Drew You can still have sex with a condom.

35:47🔗 Adam Oh, Paul?

35:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

35:50🔗 Drew What about sex with a condom?

35:51🔗 Adam Have you had sex with her yet?

35:53🔗 Caller Yeah.

35:54🔗 Adam Okay, buddy. We've used condoms, but.

35:57🔗 Drew Well, you continue to use a condom for the month, right?

36:00🔗 Adam How old is she?

36:01🔗 Caller 17.

36:03🔗 Drew How old?

36:04🔗 Caller 17.

36:05🔗 Adam 17?

36:06🔗 Alex Borstein And you guys are solely, only you're monogamous?

36:09🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:11🔗 Adam You're going out, you're 16 and you're going out with a 17-year-old?

36:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:16🔗 Adam That's pretty good. There's got to be something wrong with her because I'm sizing you up, Paul. Yeah.

36:24🔗 Alex Borstein He's got a way with words, I don't know.

36:26🔗 Adam I tell you, my pants are slowly coming off. Just the velvety tongue of his. Paul, what are you saying?

36:34🔗 Drew Why are you so upset about it?

36:36🔗 Adam I don't know, the Bergerac over here.

36:37🔗 Drew Why is that so upsetting to you? Is it just the frustration that you have to be without a condom?

36:42🔗 Caller No, it's just, I don't know. I just always wanted to try.

36:47🔗 Adam All right. I think that phrase captures it all for Paul. He does not? No. Let's take one more call. Before we go to break. Yes? Mary? Yeah, what's going on? This is what I like. And by the way, is there anything worse than that teenage boy who acts like he just took a quail lute and got off a treadmill when he picked up the phone like this? And I called him and he was knee deep in an episode of 24 and he picked up the phone.

37:16🔗 Drew The grassy.

37:17🔗 Adam Hello? It's like, who? Uh-huh. What is that? What is that? Come on. Let's get going. It takes a skin brace or slap it on your hands and do that thing, you know what I mean?

37:28🔗 Alex Borstein All of the blood is engorged in his penis.

37:29🔗 Adam Well, that's maybe what it is. Yeah, they're constantly lightheaded. It's like they're on that blood thinning, they're on Coumadin. There's some blood thinning medication. It's like, Grandpa, he's a little lightheaded. He shouldn't be standing up. Okay. Mary is 21. They can't string a sentence together. Mary?

37:46🔗 Hello?

37:48🔗 Adam 21. What's up? Wow.

37:54🔗 Whatever happened to him?

37:56🔗 Adam I think he's selling cars.

37:58🔗 Drew He did some NASCAR shows.

38:01🔗 Adam He does some stuff on radio sometimes, and I think he does some stuff on some TV sometimes, but he also sells some cars sometimes.

38:08🔗 Drew So you were 11 back then. Good times, Mary.

38:10🔗 I was in junior high.

38:12🔗 Caller Yeah, something like that.

38:13🔗 Here we go.

38:13🔗 Drew What's going on?

38:14🔗 Caller Okay.

38:15🔗 I got a couple problems.

38:16🔗 Caller Um, I have a real issue jumping back and forth to the same people over and over again.

38:21🔗 Drew And the same kind of people, or are they actually the same guys?

38:24🔗 No, actually the same people.

38:25🔗 Caller I was dating a guy in high school for about four years. And then after breaking up with him, dated another guy, went back to him, dated another guy, went back to him.

38:37🔗 Adam While you were dating, hold on, hold on. While you're dating, quiet, well, shut up, shut up. Thank you. While you were dating the other guys, I mean, were you cheating on anybody?

38:49🔗 Caller No.

38:50🔗 Adam Okay.

38:51🔗 Drew You just bounce back.

38:52🔗 Adam Just bounce back when the other relationship's over.

38:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:56🔗 Adam The phone's cutting in and out.

38:58🔗 Drew What is the question?

38:59🔗 Adam I don't know that this is that unusual for anyone you're on the phone with.

39:03🔗 Drew What is the question exactly?

39:05🔗 Caller Well, I just had a really hard time, like, once I break up with people not caring about them and coming back and being, like, hanging around them again, and it just, it's created kind of a barrage of people in my life who still hang around.

39:22🔗 Adam Mary, hold on a second. You say once you break up with them, are you breaking up with them or are they breaking up with you?

39:28🔗 Caller No, I'm breaking up with them.

39:30🔗 Drew How long are you apart before you go back?

39:34🔗 Caller Usually a couple years or, like, a year.

39:36🔗 Drew It kind of feels to me like it's one of those syndromes where you've got to keep a lot of people on the line so you, A, never have to be alone and, B, never actually have to be intimate with any of them because you sort of jump from one to the next.

39:50🔗 Adam It's an intimacy thing.

39:51🔗 Drew Yeah, it's an intimacy thing.

39:52🔗 Adam You're living in San Jose, which is too small a place. If you move out to LA, you can't find people anymore. I don't know where my parents are and they're out here.

40:00🔗 Drew You've been to San Jose lately?

40:02🔗 Adam It's getting big.

40:02🔗 Alex Borstein You don't have your own address.

40:04🔗 Adam I really don't have my own address. I'm literally a millionaire. I don't have my own address. I have to follow a trail of popcorn I threw out of my car when I went to get home tonight. Do you understand that? That's how rich I am. Hey, all right. So, Mary, where's your dad? That's a question.

40:21🔗 He's around. He's, he's there. My parents are married.

40:26🔗 Adam Yeah. Your dad's good. You love him. You respect him.

40:29🔗 Not well.

40:30🔗 Adam He cheated. Did he cheat on your mom?

40:33🔗 No, he's, he's, no, he's.

40:34🔗 Adam Aha.

40:35🔗 Drew What's the problem?

40:35🔗 Caller He didn't cheat.

40:36🔗 Adam I knew it.

40:36🔗 Drew What's the problem?

40:38🔗 Caller No, he's a good guy. He's a college, you know, graduate, good guy, but no, he doesn't, he doesn't do anything like that. They're still married. I don't, I don't like him much, but.

40:48🔗 Drew Why?

40:49🔗 Caller He's just, you know, kind of a stern guy.

40:53🔗 Drew So he's cold and very aggressive and that, that can be, you know, sort of your feelings about yourself in relation to men can be kind of scary.

40:59🔗 Adam But a college grad.

41:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:01🔗 Drew Well, that's, that's makes it all okay.

41:03🔗 Adam Yeah. You see that tassel hanging from his rear view mirror. I mean, that, that makes it all right again.

41:07🔗 Drew Because he wants to be.

41:08🔗 Adam Oh, sexual abuse, physical abuse, as long as he's got that degree. All right, listen, Mary, you sound a little depressed and kind of confused.

41:19🔗 Yeah.

41:20🔗 Adam Okay. Why don't you just slow it down a little? Are you in a relationship currently?

41:27🔗 Caller Not really.

41:29🔗 Good.

41:29🔗 Drew That's good. Stop it.

41:30🔗 Adam Let me tell you something. Mary has my pickup on. Because you know how I always get angry to angry people.

41:34🔗 Drew No, you want to abuse people that have been abused.

41:36🔗 Adam Right. She got abused. She does that thing and she doesn't do it in spades, but she does a thing else. You got to do the radio now. Here's every question. Like, how old are you? One Mississippi, 21. And how long have you been living in the San Jose area? One Mississippi, two Mississippi, four years.

41:53🔗 Drew Yeah, it's a little passive aggressive.

41:55🔗 Adam It's passive aggressive. It's an F you thing. I know everyone thinks I'm nuts. I'm making some out of it, but I hear it every night. Now she doesn't have a two Mississippi. She's got a one and a half Mississippi.

42:05🔗 Drew Every question was.

42:08🔗 Adam Yeah, everything was.

42:09🔗 Drew Everything was like, it's it's I'm not going to give.

42:12🔗 Adam I'm withholding angry people aren't on on the ball. You ask a question and you just you just ask like what's the first defense that they're expecting attack.

42:23🔗 Drew And secondly, they're not going to give not not if you think about it, they can't.

42:27🔗 Adam It's a subtle F you to take a long beat before every answer.

42:31🔗 Alex Borstein Now you're making one go like this every time you say something smart because I want to get right in there. I don't want you to think I'm angry. I'm not mad. I seriously think you're great.

42:37🔗 Adam I want I want dialogue out of a 40s movie. We got to go to work right now. Alex Borstein did do a friend here tonight. Family guy and cap on a quick break, pays the bills. We'll be right back after this. Three now.

42:52🔗 Caller Three now.

42:52🔗 Adam Three. What are women most attracted to?

43:01🔗 Caller Confident guys.

43:02🔗 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

43:06🔗 Drew What do we got?

43:06🔗 Adam You got Axe deodorant body spray.

43:08🔗 Drew Oh my God.

43:09🔗 Adam Spray that on. It's like slathering on the confidence. Hey, everybody. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LE-1-9-1.

43:27🔗 Drew Alex asked a really interesting question up there. She goes, if you ever noticed.

43:29🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Alex Borstein here. I got to do some decent radio for a second. Alex Borstein is in tonight. She plays Halle Berry's best friend in Catwoman. Also know her as Lois from The Family Guy. And all the many seasons on Mad TV.

43:45🔗 Drew And asked an interesting question up there about people experiencing life-threatening phenomenon then going out and sort of ruining their lives after that. And if you take-

43:54🔗 Adam Surviving cancer?

43:56🔗 Alex Borstein Yes, I have a friend.

43:57🔗 Adam Or liquor store. What about a liquor store robbery?

43:59🔗 Drew Take rape as an example. It's amazing how women when they're raped will go out and then act out sexually in sort of rape-like fashion as though they're being abused by men.

44:09🔗 Alex Borstein But what about something like a natural aggressor like cancer, leukemia?

44:14🔗 Drew That the life should fall apart. I've seen, it could be a lot of different things. I mean, maybe the chemotherapy affect their neurological function. They could be affective disturbances. But there's a general thing that people do is when they've been in a highly traumatic situation, they reenact the traumas over and over again.

44:31🔗 Alex Borstein Can it sometimes be after five years?

44:33🔗 Drew He's saying by destroying your life.

44:35🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah, can it be like after five years, after like your five years in remission and then almost to the day of that, you kind of blow everything up?

44:43🔗 Drew Well, I've not seen that.

44:44🔗 Adam Here's the thing too. First off, people can just blow everything up anyway.

44:49🔗 Alex Borstein I just want to know that this guy is just an ass. I don't want there to be any excuse or reason or...

44:55🔗 Adam You don't want it to be... Well, I mean, here's the thing. There's a certain percentage of people that just screw their lives up anyway.

45:01🔗 Drew We'll give it the specifics. What happened?

45:05🔗 Alex Borstein Leukemia.

45:06🔗 Drew And so you had heavy chemo then?

45:08🔗 Alex Borstein Heavy chemo.

45:09🔗 Drew AML, bone marrow transplant?

45:10🔗 Alex Borstein Bone marrow transplant. Wife supported him, stood by him, brought him back to life.

45:15🔗 Adam She's gone now.

45:16🔗 Alex Borstein They took the sperm, put it away for a rainy day. They wanted to have children and they went through it all. They did the in vitro.

45:24🔗 Adam I just made a deposit in the hamper bank, by the way, before I came out.

45:28🔗 Drew Another one?

45:29🔗 Adam I had to play it safe for a rainy day.

45:30🔗 Alex Borstein And you have two twins that are born, a boy and a girl, and then the twins are 10 days old and you find out this son of a bitch.

45:37🔗 Adam Cheating.

45:38🔗 Alex Borstein Cheating for five months?

45:39🔗 Adam With a nurse.

45:40🔗 Drew Yeah, that's not doing it good. That's asshole.

45:43🔗 Alex Borstein Great. Good. Because I just wanted to make sure I was angry and it's not something I should feel for.

45:50🔗 Drew But what occurs to me more is that guys really become colossally holes around the time of children.

45:57🔗 Adam They start acting out.

45:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

45:59🔗 Adam All right.

46:00🔗 Alex Borstein Acting out. I love how that's the word for it.

46:02🔗 Drew We got to go break.

46:03🔗 Adam All right. Well, I don't mean an adolescent acting out, but I just mean- Misbehaving. It reminds them that they're cavemen, I think.

46:11🔗 Alex Borstein Becoming disgusting nonhumans.

46:13🔗 Adam And he could have been an a-hole that you just weren't... It wasn't fully developed or something.

46:19🔗 Drew Plus, because we're busy taking care of him, getting him through this, they felt sorry for him.

46:23🔗 Adam Yeah. And by the way, you look at it as him sort of blowing his life apart. He may look at it as just getting a blow job. I mean, you look at it as a woman, you say he's destroying his life. As a guy, we're thinking if he didn't get busted, he'd be-

46:36🔗 Drew Or now that a guy's thinking, hey, could I... I almost died. Of course I'm... I gotta go for it.

46:40🔗 Adam That's right. I gotta live. I've gotta sing. Alex Borstein here, everybody. We had a quick break because we ran up a little late and we're at the top of the air and all that good stuff. Catwoman and Family Guy, many good projects. A quick break. Be right back.

46:57🔗 Here it is.

46:58🔗 Caller It sucks being single today.

47:00🔗 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:03🔗 Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:12🔗 Caller So get your problems ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

47:18🔗 Adam Experience the Axe Effect.

47:34🔗 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

47:35🔗 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1, Alex Borstein is here tonight.

47:42🔗 Caller Hello.

47:43🔗 Adam She plays Lois in Family Guy.

47:46🔗 Caller I play Lois.

47:50🔗 Adam Also, Trisha Takanawa.

47:53🔗 Caller That's right, Adam.

47:55🔗 Adam Asian reporter. Also, you know her work from Mad TV. Five Seasons, I'm saying.

48:01🔗 Caller Yeah, Five Seasons on Mad If TV. I'm like a seal.

48:05🔗 Alex Borstein I'm like a train-barking seal.

48:07🔗 Adam I love that dance. And now-

48:11🔗 Drew How many was more Lois?

48:12🔗 Adam Now from, hold on, Drew. Get you quiet down over there. Catwoman.

48:17🔗 Alex Borstein Catwoman.

48:17🔗 Adam Halle Berry's best friend on and off screen.

48:21🔗 Alex Borstein Yes.

48:21🔗 Adam And in Catwoman. Yes.

48:24🔗 Alex Borstein And I'm doing a show August 14th at the Alex Theater.

48:27🔗 Drew Glendale.

48:27🔗 Adam Do more Lois for Drew as it leave an outgoing message for Dr. Drew, but not on your home phone. I want it for on your, you know, on your pager. I want your patience.

48:38🔗 Drew My patience to pick this one up.

48:39🔗 Adam Yeah.

48:40🔗 Alex Borstein Well, hello.

48:43🔗 Caller This is Lois for Dr. Drew. He can't talk right now cause his mouth is a little busy. You know what I mean? I'm kidding. Leave a message. He's very faithful to his wife, as am I to my husband, Peter.

49:06🔗 Drew Beep.

49:07🔗 Adam Wouldn't that be good, Drew?

49:08🔗 Drew Awesome.

49:09🔗 Adam Yeah.

49:10🔗 Drew You got that? Oh my God.

49:12🔗 Adam Yeah. Drew's gonna need you to bring, you need to come by his house and talk like Lois for a couple hours to his kid.

49:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

49:19🔗 Adam Do that? And actually like you're staying next to the TV.

49:23🔗 Drew During family guy. Before it cut out, like the kid behind and just be, should be Lois.

49:28🔗 Adam That's right.

49:30🔗 Alex Borstein We'll get you on the show.

49:31🔗 Caller You'll be on the show, Dr. Drew.

49:32🔗 Adam Please, please get back.

49:33🔗 Drew I'd like you to have an affair with Lois, it'll be fine.

49:36🔗 Adam But write him in, please.

49:37🔗 Caller We'll see what happens.

49:40🔗 Alex Borstein But I'm method, that means we'd have to sleep together.

49:42🔗 Drew Yeah. Adam will tell you that there's lots of passion to go around.

49:45🔗 Adam Drew is a passionate man.

49:47🔗 Alex Borstein All right.

49:48🔗 Adam I mean, his passion is like a river that can't be stopped. Really? There's no levy. It will jump, any levy, his passion.

49:57🔗 Alex Borstein That's beautiful.

49:58🔗 Adam He really is a passionate man. So all I'm saying is be prepared for the passion.

50:03🔗 Alex Borstein Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed.

50:06🔗 Adam You may be method, he's passion. Like if it was rock, paper, scissors, method would be rock and passion would be paper. You understand?

50:20🔗 Alex Borstein I think so.

50:20🔗 Adam Paper smothers method, I mean passion smothers. He will smother you with his passion.

50:27🔗 Alex Borstein But when it rains, what is left? The rock is left.

50:30🔗 Adam That's true. Yes. That's true, but you cannot wash his passion down a storm drain.

50:34🔗 Drew The passion will flood and send the rock down the stream.

50:36🔗 Adam Some of that passion does come out in the wash, ironically, but you cannot wash it off of him unless he doesn't use paper towel. All right, let's talk to Krista who's 17. Krista. You're 17, you enjoy the lesbian pornography.

50:53🔗 Caller Yeah, I wanted to say right off the bat that Dr. Drew, you are indeed a man of exquisite passion.

50:58🔗 Adam Yes.

50:59🔗 Caller And Adam, you are a genius and per your recommendations, I have started blowing right through those red turn arrows. Yes.

51:05🔗 Drew 17 year old Adam.

51:06🔗 Adam Thank you.

51:07🔗 Caller And Alex, I love Family Guy and I loved you on MAD.

51:11🔗 Alex Borstein Oh, you're a cool chick.

51:13🔗 Caller Thank you.

51:14🔗 Drew She can join the coach.

51:16🔗 Adam Everything right. And just very quickly, I've launched a one man campaign against all the chicken-ass red turn arrows in this city that have been popping up left and right.

51:26🔗 Drew But Alex will attest to this. In Pasadena, we have the left turn green yield arrows.

51:31🔗 Alex Borstein Yes, we do. And now though, with the gold line, we've got these funny no turn things.

51:35🔗 Adam Here's the thing.

51:37🔗 Drew It's yield though. It's yield to oncoming traffic.

51:39🔗 Adam Here is the dealio. They put these arrows up for people to turn left to alleviate the traffic, which is fine, but then they turn red while the signal is green and you sit there like a retard waiting to get t-boned by a drunk driver or carjacked by a gang banger. And there's no oncoming traffic. You could easily turn left. And as a matter of fact, you have been turning left safely at that signal for the last 20 years. Someone put an arrow up three months ago and now all of a sudden you're gonna get a ticket.

52:11🔗 Alex Borstein All of a sudden it's illegal.

52:13🔗 Adam Drive through every single one of them. And here's all you do. Everybody look left, right, then left again for the cops and then drive through it. I drove through one tonight.

52:25🔗 Drew Go around the line of cars waiting to turn left and jump in front of them and turn left.

52:29🔗 Alex Borstein You should run for office. You really should run for office.

52:30🔗 Adam Just turn left. Just here's the deal. And please everybody, please listen to me. And look, some laws are good. Others were made to be broken. We have talked about Rosa Parks. Yes, black people were supposed to get in the back of the bus, but she didn't.

52:50🔗 Alex Borstein Sodomy.

52:50🔗 Adam There was a law. There was a law against sodomy. There may still be.

52:54🔗 Alex Borstein I'm not sure.

52:55🔗 Adam But as we know-

52:56🔗 Drew You're saying blow right through that, Adam.

52:57🔗 Adam Blow right through that, that brown arrow. No, sodomy is like nature's hard candy. It's a treat. It's a treat meant to be enjoyed by all. And yet there are laws against it. And if Rosa Parks had not performed sodomy on that bus, I think I agree with what Alex is saying. Where would we be?

53:19🔗 Alex Borstein That's right, it's all about the back.

53:20🔗 Adam They had a no sodomy law on that bus. They said the blacks have to perform sodomy in the rear.

53:28🔗 Caller All right, but she said, no.

53:30🔗 Adam No, I'm moving to the front of the bus. Ironically with no seat belts and performing sodomy behind the driver.

53:36🔗 Alex Borstein Hallelujah.

53:37🔗 Adam And now look at us. And I say, we perform the same sodomy on the man when he tells us to rot in front of his red arrows. Not our red arrows, not God's red arrows.

53:50🔗 Alex Borstein Oh, Krista, you have.

53:51🔗 Adam Not Buddha's red arrows, the man's red arrows. He put them there to slow you down, man. Well, let me tell you something. I got an arrow for you. You see this finger, everybody? Look what I'm pointing. This is my arrow. You understand? That's the middle finger to the man. You want the ace man's arrow? There it is. And I drive right through every one of them and I do it on a nightly basis and a daily basis.

54:15🔗 Alex Borstein The man is trying to keep you there longer, make you late from work, cause you to lose your job, and get on well.

54:20🔗 Adam Let's go. Let's go. Let me ask you hypothetically. We sit, they come out with these statistics to drive. I'm convinced USA is trying to get the population to kill themselves when they do these statistics. The average resident of Southern California spends four years, every year, and I don't know how it works mathematically, sitting in traffic. Like they come to the city, so literally you spend six months out of the year in traffic, or breathing carbon dioxide. Do we need to make it another month in traffic, sitting at these goddamn hours? Everyone just drive through them, please. Just drive through them. Have some balls. Stand up. Take a stand.

54:58🔗 Alex Borstein The average American spends 16 hours a year reading statistics about what the average American does.

55:03🔗 Adam I'm on USA Today, Snapchat.

55:05🔗 Drew I'm stopping immediately.

55:06🔗 Adam If we all drove through the arrows, they couldn't punish us.

55:09🔗 Drew I thought to Krista, come on.

55:10🔗 Adam Let's do it. Let's all do it. Here we go. Now here's the deal. Make sure there's no traffic coming. Be safe. Make sure the light is green, and then pretend like you're- And look for cops. Look for cops, and pretend like you're at an intersection that doesn't have an arrow.

55:23🔗 Caller Right.

55:24🔗 Adam I will sometimes hold my finger up and block the arrow.

55:27🔗 Alex Borstein Put your sun visor down.

55:28🔗 Adam Put your sun visor down and turn left. Everyone, please.

55:31🔗 Caller Wait a minute.

55:32🔗 Drew That will be an intersection for adults.

55:34🔗 Adam Please do it. And let me tell you something, percentage-wise. Percentage-wise, thank you, Drew. I have driven through thousands of these things now. Because I've been harping about this for how long, Drew?

55:45🔗 Drew Six years.

55:46🔗 Adam And I average at least three a day. No tickets yet. The chances of you getting popped are nil. Go ahead, everybody. Drive through them, I beg you.

55:54🔗 Drew Krista, 17. So Krista, you've started something here, but what's up?

55:58🔗 Caller Well, I recently became very interested in lesbian porn. And I enjoy it. And I've seen heterosexual porn, and I don't enjoy it. I just enjoy the lesbian porn. That's what gets me off. And so I was wondering if that could be indicative that I am either bisexual or a lesbian.

56:17🔗 Drew Are you attracted to women, I mean, in real life?

56:20🔗 Caller No, I'm not. In just a normal, everyday context, I'm not attracted to women. I'm attracted.

56:25🔗 Adam Here's the thing. If a guy called and said he watches nothing but gay porn, we would label him as gay. Yes, because heterosexual guys, you should vomit if they see gay porn.

56:36🔗 Drew Not vomit, but they have a visceral reaction.

56:39🔗 Adam Yeah, you should have a visceral reaction.

56:41🔗 Drew That's unpleasant, an unpleasant visceral reaction.

56:44🔗 Alex Borstein There's nothing wrong with lesbian porn.

56:46🔗 Drew Well, I think women sort of prefer that. And I suspect, because I think the aggression and misogyny that's sort of implicit in the way the males have sex with women is kind of disturbing to women.

56:59🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah, I think so. And like I said, I think the female body is just a much more attractive figure.

57:04🔗 Hear, hear. Hear, hear.

57:06🔗 Adam And also, and Drew.

57:10🔗 Alex Borstein Not mine, not mine.

57:13🔗 Adam Drew brings up, what her name's Alex.

57:15🔗 Drew What are you saying?

57:17🔗 Adam She'd go by Alexander if she was straight. Here's the thing, I hope she didn't hear that. Here's the thing. And Drew, you bring up an interesting point, which is straight porn is a little misogynistic, usually.

57:29🔗 Drew And women already are sensitive to that because there's no story and they're not really interested in just the visual, which all the guys want anyway. So everything's missing for what they need.

57:37🔗 Adam All right, but if you're, so if you're a little, but the lesbian porn's a little misogynistic too because there's two guys standing out just outside of-

57:47🔗 Alex Borstein Shooting it in the valley.

57:48🔗 Adam Shooting the pants around their ankles, throwing a, you know, a dildo the size of a large baguette onto the bed and telling them to get busy with it.

57:58🔗 Drew And here's another above of coke. That's a function of this all being creative for the male. Right.

58:03🔗 Adam All right, all right, so anyway, the point is, is women can watch lesbian-based pornography and be fine with it.

58:10🔗 Drew And offer for it.

58:11🔗 Adam You're fluid that way. All right, and you like guys?

58:13🔗 Caller Yeah, I do.

58:15🔗 Drew And you've never been sexually abused or anything like that? That would create confusion.

58:18🔗 Caller I was wondering if I could make a comment on the circumcision issue. I have a Norwegian friend, and he's a foreign exchange student. He told me that in Norway, it is very uncommon to be circumcised, and most of the males there are not. So if the first caller wants to move to Europe, I'm sure he would.

58:39🔗 Drew Oh no, Adam suggested that.

58:40🔗 Adam No, I said get a foreign exchange.

58:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

58:44🔗 Adam Yeah, if you get a foreign exchange check, she's used to it.

58:47🔗 Caller And I've also heard, and Drew, correct me if I'm wrong, I've also heard that the foreskin can stimulate more nerves along the vagina.

58:54🔗 Adam No, more nerves? I mean, you get an extra 3.36 of an inch down there.

59:03🔗 Drew See, all that kind of nuanced stuff, that kind of finding the exact location, the G-spot, or having a couple of microns more of foreskin, that doesn't really figure significantly into sexual responsiveness.

59:14🔗 Caller No.

59:14🔗 Alex Borstein It really doesn't. You could just put an old dirty sock on the tip too and get the same effect.

59:20🔗 Adam You really could. Oh, no, no, no, you can't. And I find dress socks don't stay on.

59:26🔗 Alex Borstein No, they have to be 100% cotton.

59:28🔗 Adam They gotta be cotton. Otherwise, they get the toxic shot thing.

59:31🔗 Caller I've learned the hard way.

59:33🔗 Drew Support hoes are the best for you.

59:34🔗 Adam I started with a dress sock and a garter.

59:37🔗 Drew Don't have to show us, Adam. Every time he versus a junkie, she's gotta take it out and act it out. We might start pulling it out next time. Just actually show us what we're talking about.

59:45🔗 Caller You guys are cute.

59:47🔗 Adam I can't help it. I can't talk about masturbation without my hand moving.

59:51🔗 Drew It's true.

59:52🔗 Adam I can't help it.

59:53🔗 Drew Aren't you offended?

59:54🔗 Adam She's fine.

59:55🔗 Alex Borstein I work in the writer's room at Family Guy. I am immune to any masturbation reference possible.

1:00:02🔗 Adam Yes.

1:00:02🔗 Drew That's good.

1:00:03🔗 Adam Mary? You're 19? What's happening?

1:00:08🔗 Caller I've barely gone out with this guy. He's 24. And it's only been like two and a half weeks. And he's already saying, I love you and stuff.

1:00:18🔗 Drew Have you had sex with him?

1:00:20🔗 Caller You did?

1:00:21🔗 Adam Mm-hmm. Did you use any protection?

1:00:24🔗 Caller Yes.

1:00:25🔗 Drew What's wrong with him?

1:00:26🔗 Adam What'd you use?

1:00:27🔗 Caller Condoms. All right.

1:00:29🔗 Adam Well, maybe, you know, when it's right, it's right. Is it freaking you out?

1:00:36🔗 Caller I don't know. I love it because like it's barely happening, you know?

1:00:41🔗 Adam Well, you're into him though, right?

1:00:46🔗 Drew Just, oh. Well, think for a second. But he doesn't know. Two thoughts occurred to me. Who are the two guys that will say this? Just thinking, do you care?

1:00:54🔗 Adam I love you.

1:00:56🔗 Drew In this situation, there's an older guy.

1:00:57🔗 Adam Okay.

1:00:58🔗 Drew He's older than she is.

1:00:59🔗 Adam Okay, there's a low mileage guy, hasn't had a lot of luck with the ladies. Whole nerd. Super clingy.

1:01:03🔗 Drew Super clingy nerd.

1:01:04🔗 Adam And then there's a guy named Mark.

1:01:05🔗 Drew Who's manipulating her.

1:01:07🔗 Adam No, it's just he's Mark. You don't know him. You don't know that guy.

1:01:09🔗 Drew You're a guy Mark.

1:01:09🔗 Adam You thought I was gonna give an example of another type of guy. I'm giving a specific guy named Mark. He lives in Reseda. You don't know him. Okay, so one is a type of guy. The other is a guy named Mark.

1:01:20🔗 Drew Mark is sort of a sociopath manipulator.

1:01:22🔗 Adam I'm not gonna describe Mark to you. I'm just gonna tell you that there's one guy who's a very clingy guy who didn't do very well with the ladies in high school, another guy named Mark. How old is she?

1:01:31🔗 Drew 19.

1:01:32🔗 Adam She's 19. He is either he had, I would have initially guessed that he said this to get in your pants.

1:01:38🔗 Drew Well, that's where I was going.

1:01:39🔗 Adam But since he'd already arrived in your pants before he said this, I'm gonna say now he's just a guy who hasn't had a lot of girlfriends.

1:01:47🔗 Drew Plus she's already, she's started stepping out and stuff and he's-

1:01:51🔗 Alex Borstein And he doesn't know, she says, that he doesn't know she's single.

1:01:55🔗 Caller He's kind of bringing a lot of extra baggage. He's still kind of married and he has a kid. Whoa.

1:02:02🔗 Drew All right, so back in the sociopath back there. Yeah, so the mark bucket. Married.

1:02:07🔗 Alex Borstein Well, I mean sort of married.

1:02:08🔗 Caller They're what?

1:02:10🔗 Caller They're not like together together. They're just like kind of in the process of breaking up or-

1:02:16🔗 Drew Whatever.

1:02:17🔗 Adam And by the way, we'll talk to you in five years. They'll still be in the process of breaking up.

1:02:21🔗 Drew Let's stay focused on marrying, who's dating married guys.

1:02:23🔗 Adam Hold on, let me say this for a second, by the way. The married guy who's married and trying to bang other chicks is in the process of breaking up. He says, you know, look, I'm married, but think we're on the rocks, we're about broken up. The guy who's in the process of breaking up says he's not even married. Do you know what I mean? Go ahead and he'll downgrade to single.

1:02:44🔗 Alex Borstein Right.

1:02:44🔗 Drew And strangely enough, those guys are usually kind of genuinely upset and don't step out so much.

1:02:49🔗 Adam Right, you know what I mean?

1:02:49🔗 Alex Borstein But this is what upsets me, is that on the other side of every jerky guy cheating on his wife is a woman that's doing it with him. And then it gets involved and it just pisses me off.

1:02:58🔗 Drew Those women are usually women that have had unavailable relationships, men who are supposedly unavailable or distant or abusive, that kind of thing. It's the only kind of male they can feel close to.

1:03:09🔗 Alex Borstein I think it's because women hate other women.

1:03:10🔗 Drew That is true too. Nothing's more satisfying than that.

1:03:13🔗 Adam Competition. Yeah. Mary. Uh-huh?

1:03:18🔗 Drew So wait, wait, wait, Alex is about to sum up very, very profound. So there's all this desire to empower women. Why don't women let go of that competitive streak? Because that is the source of all, really, so much of the trouble that women suffer at their own hands.

1:03:33🔗 Alex Borstein We'll never be president because women hate each other.

1:03:36🔗 Drew Yeah. But it's intense, it's like an innate biology, right?

1:03:41🔗 Alex Borstein It is, and it's gotten worse and worse with media and magazines and imaging of women and what you see. I think it's gotten worse and worse.

1:03:50🔗 Drew Did you see Mean Girls?

1:03:52🔗 Alex Borstein I did not. I lived it, Drew.

1:03:54🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, I understand.

1:03:55🔗 Adam Mary?

1:03:56🔗 Alex Borstein Yes?

1:03:56🔗 Adam All right, Drew. Easy over there. You're getting all esoteric tonight, relax. I've got a bunch of stone 14 year olds.

1:04:03🔗 I've got a smart person.

1:04:03🔗 Adam You're speaking Japanese. You've got another one, you're right, buddy. And he's paying, yeah.

1:04:10🔗 He's signing your paycheck.

1:04:12🔗 Adam Yeah, this is cash register, something after this. Whole show closes down, you understand? 10 folds up, leaves town, you understand?

1:04:20🔗 Drew Yes, sir, Mr. Corolla.

1:04:21🔗 Adam All right, Mary?

1:04:22🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:04:23🔗 Adam Look, I don't know what's going on with you or where you grew up or who you grew up with or where your dad was or wasn't, but somebody did a piss poor job raising you. And now you're gonna need to not become a statistic because you're dating a bunch of guys, you're young, you're stupid and you're gonna get pregnant.

1:04:41🔗 Drew Are you on the pill?

1:04:42🔗 No.

1:04:43🔗 Adam Marry?

1:04:44🔗 Uh-huh.

1:04:45🔗 Adam You're on the birth control pill?

1:04:47🔗 No.

1:04:48🔗 Adam How about you get on the birth control pill? Cause you're dating too many guys not to get pregnant. Can you do that? And as far as this guy, you're not into him, fine. You're not into him. And besides, he's got a kid and a wife.

1:05:01🔗 Drew I love you.

1:05:02🔗 Adam Yeah. Listen, you don't leave people that are married. You stop seeing them, you understand? He leaves his wife, you stop seeing him, you understand? You can't leave him. He lives with a woman and a kid.

1:05:14🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah. But you really, really, tomorrow, go to Planned Parenthood and get yourself on birth control.

1:05:20🔗 Adam And then that leaves the other five guys you're dating, right?

1:05:26🔗 Drew Pick some of you actually like and develop a relationship.

1:05:29🔗 Adam Here's the thing, Mary. Once I say Mary's been to Mary. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, you don't need to have all these guys make you feel alive to do something for yourself. Stop depending on guys.

1:05:44🔗 Drew Yes.

1:05:45🔗 Adam Stop it. You don't need to do this. There's this whole sort of the populace of a population of women that just all they are is whatever they're worth to a guy's whatever they're worth.

1:05:56🔗 Drew That's the whole definition.

1:05:57🔗 Adam Even if guys adore them, then they're worth something.

1:06:00🔗 Alex Borstein And then the guys, the type of guys they pick are indicative of what they really think they're worth.

1:06:04🔗 Adam Right. What was that word, Drew? I don't know. Trisha Takenashi.

1:06:10🔗 Caller Trisha.

1:06:11🔗 Adam Wait a minute. Takenashi.

1:06:14🔗 Caller Adam, I'm standing here today coming to you live from Loveline.

1:06:20🔗 Adam Leave an outgoing message for me, please. All right. Let's talk to Laura, by the way, who's... Oh, we gotta take a break.

1:06:30🔗 Drew Right now, Anderson.

1:06:31🔗 Adam Anderson, come on.

1:06:32🔗 Caller We're in between calls, and we're on time.

1:06:34🔗 Adam Come on, buddy.

1:06:34🔗 Caller Why start a new call right at the time to go to work?

1:06:37🔗 Adam You're right, you're right.

1:06:37🔗 Drew All right, look. Excuse, take a break. We're fine.

1:06:40🔗 Adam Drew brought in this data from the FAA. Three people died from airplane turbulence between 1981 and 1997.

1:06:50🔗 Drew I guess one had the seatbelt on. I was wrong, I said two.

1:06:53🔗 Adam Yeah, that's.18 a year. It's not a whole person a year. It's like your arm dying every year. For those of you who don't know what we're talking about is my favorite public service announcement on the show. Please play it Anderson, I gotta hear it. I gotta hear it now.

1:07:08🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm trying to play it. I'm trying to go to break.

1:07:10🔗 Drew No, no, no, we don't wanna hear it for the-

1:07:12🔗 Adam We wanna hear it now.

1:07:12🔗 Caller What happened last night, I gotta find it.

1:07:13🔗 Adam All right, go find it.

1:07:15🔗 Caller When we come back, we'll play it.

1:07:17🔗 Adam When we come back. All right, Alex Borstein is here. Two hip for the room, Alex Borstein. We will, in a good way. She's got herself a one woman show that's on the 14th of August. Yep. Down at the Alex Theater, Glendale. Also, Catwoman's best buddy, family guy, all sorts of stuff. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. We'll be right back. Hey there, buddy, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Alex Borstein is here tonight. Dear old friend, dear old friend. I think I've known Alex for, well, let's put it this way. We probably met three, four years before I got into showbiz.

1:08:14🔗 Alex Borstein About 10 years ago? Longer?

1:08:17🔗 Adam I got into showbiz about 10 years ago. So this had to be more like 13, 14 years ago.

1:08:23🔗 Alex Borstein Huh, because I started at ACME probably around 95.

1:08:27🔗 Drew There you go.

1:08:27🔗 Adam Well, then I must have met you right about then. And I probably met your husband three, four years before I got into showbiz.

1:08:36🔗 Drew When were you last on this show?

1:08:38🔗 Alex Borstein This show was way, way back, the TV show with MADtv and then with Family Guy, I was on the radio show.

1:08:44🔗 Adam Family Guy, a new episode's coming out soon. Also Catwoman out in theaters as we speak in a one-woman show. And then Alex Stater and Glendale on the 14th of August.

1:08:56🔗 Drew All right. You're good.

1:08:57🔗 Adam I am obsessed with, here's what I'm obsessed with. I've realized, I'm obsessed with waste of time and resources. And I think this is where my red arrow obsession has come from.

1:09:10🔗 Drew Isn't it really what's most sort of awful or most upsetting is how other people's issues, when they are their own, have to become everybody else's. You know what I mean, that my banner, I must rub that stink all over everyone. Or I'm not happy. So if I don't like secondhand smoke, you're all gonna suffer with that.

1:09:30🔗 Adam That's right. And if I have to make a point, by the way, which is I don't like secondhand smoke, if I have to say 53,000 Americans die of secondhand smoke every year, I'll just say that even if eight Americans die of secondhand smoke every year. Doesn't matter, I got a point, I got agenda. And by the way, it's for the greater good. I mean, look, you should sit at this red arrow, you could get hurt. That's true. Yes, you should not be able to smoke a cigarette on the beach or could be a family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But where do you stop? Why don't we have helmet laws for people that drive automobiles? Why not wear a helmet? Be safer. Why not start giving tickets to people who aren't wearing helmets and cars?

1:10:05🔗 Drew Why not get rid of cars?

1:10:06🔗 Adam Why not get rid of cars? Why not bring the speed limit down to 10 miles an hour?

1:10:10🔗 Alex Borstein Well, you gotta move. How would you tell the difference between kids on a short bus?

1:10:14🔗 Adam If we brought-

1:10:14🔗 Alex Borstein The helmets, the helmets.

1:10:16🔗 Caller If everyone wore a helmet?

1:10:17🔗 Adam Well, because we would wear a NASCAR style helmet and they would wear the traditional hockey, the crown of the retard, the hockey helmet. All right, so then we come up with PSAs in order to protect people. This one, my favorite waste of time and resources. Go ahead, Anderson.

1:10:38🔗 Caller What a tough thing your body is. It's built to withstand bending, pinching, tattooing, swimming, bumping, tickling, shaving, loud noises, childbirth, football, bad cooking, rollerblading.

1:11:05🔗 Adam Hold on a second. First off, they've already wasted half their lot of time and you have no idea what the goddamn PSA is for.

1:11:16🔗 Alex Borstein Right, it's like an ad for a mystery drug.

1:11:18🔗 Drew However, they have made points that have been erroneous. That your body's meant to withstand football, no one's ever done football, rollerblading, food.

1:11:28🔗 Adam The average guy, if he's not crippled at the high school or college level, lasts in professional football about two and a half seasons.

1:11:35🔗 Drew But your body's meant to withstand that, right?

1:11:37🔗 Adam And then has severe arthritis, probably has to have knee joints replaced. Yeah, ask the-

1:11:42🔗 Drew Childbirth, one out of five historically died in childbirth. Rollerblading, rollerblading. No one's ever broken into that.

1:11:48🔗 Adam Everyone's meant for that, yeah.

1:11:49🔗 Drew Foodborne pathogens, food is not, no risk there.

1:11:51🔗 Adam No problem.

1:11:52🔗 Drew These are the things that your body's meant to withstand.

1:11:53🔗 Adam Let's find out what you're not meant. Let's find out what the body's not meant to withstand.

1:11:58🔗 Caller Even company meetings.

1:12:01🔗 It's nothing worse than what we're talking about.

1:12:02🔗 Caller But there's something the human body isn't built to withstand. Unexpected turbulence. Happily, though, planes are built to withstand that really well. All you have to do is wear your safety belt the entire flight. So next time you fly, stay buckled up the whole time. Because after all, turbulence happens and you're just not built for it.

1:12:24🔗 Not built for turbulence.

1:12:26🔗 Adam I got it. You're built for football, not for turbulence.

1:12:29🔗 Drew Childbirth, not turbulence. What is that device he mentioned?

1:12:33🔗 Adam I think he called it a lap harness.

1:12:35🔗 Drew Lap harness.

1:12:35🔗 Alex Borstein Here's the flaw in the argument, technically we're not meant to fly. So maybe don't buy tickets and don't support airlines.

1:12:41🔗 Adam I'm not sure if your body, I'm not sure if you're meant to go 550 miles an hour, 35,000 feet off the ground and into another time zone. And here's the other thing too, by the way, according to this statistic, three people have died from 81 to 97 from airplane turbulence. That's three people. That's less than like 0.2 a year.

1:13:02🔗 Drew Me and Ty, a third of my life has been taken from me listening to crappy PSNs.

1:13:05🔗 Adam I guarantee more teenagers have died at the high school level playing football in those 16 years.

1:13:11🔗 Alex Borstein No, no, but Adam, those are reported. There's a lot of shame in turbulent death. So so many of them go unreported.

1:13:19🔗 Adam I mean, anyone who's flown commercially knows that just about every flight, they're carting a corpse off just behind you. Just behind you.

1:13:26🔗 Alex Borstein Heart attack my foot.

1:13:28🔗 Adam This is where your hard earned tax dollars are going, everybody. This and Red Arrows. These are these are where the this is where the money's going. What can we do? And so Rob Reiner can tell everyone we can't smoke on the beach. Let's do something about it.

1:13:43🔗 Drew Let's take a stand. That's all I'm saying. There's another issue along the same line when I was trying to explain tonight there my wife and her friend about rape and it being a violent crime and Adam has a very, very fun dinner conversation. Well, Adam is a very clairvoyant, clear way of thinking about rape.

1:13:58🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing that people don't know about rape.

1:14:06🔗 Caller It is not a sexual crime.

1:14:07🔗 Adam It's a violent crime where you come at the end. But it is not a sexual crime. It is a violent crime, but you come and it's no different than if you're walking down the street and someone just takes a bat to you and assaults you, I mean, if they came, but at the end, but there's or walks into a liquor store and attacks the owner and comes and it's not a sexual crime. It is a violent, violent crime where you come, but it's not a sexual crime, although you do orgasm. You often have a large orgasm.

1:14:42🔗 Alex Borstein There's no orgasm. No conviction.

1:14:44🔗 Adam It is not a sex, no orgasm.

1:14:46🔗 Alex Borstein Right.

1:14:46🔗 Adam It is a violent, violent crime, no different than airplane turbulence. As violent as if you came during the turbulence, it would be no different than that. That's what rapists do.

1:14:57🔗 Alex Borstein What are the numbers on that?

1:14:58🔗 Adam Right. Coming during... Let me get on the FAA website there and see if we can pick something up. The point is it is not a sexual crime, it is a crime of violence where you come at the end.

1:15:13🔗 Alex Borstein That's right.

1:15:15🔗 Adam All right.

1:15:16🔗 Alex Borstein I think it's a lack of communication.

1:15:18🔗 Adam It's important that people know what it is.

1:15:19🔗 Drew That it's not violent.

1:15:20🔗 Adam Right.

1:15:21🔗 Drew When you talk to it.

1:15:22🔗 Adam Right. I just... Yeah, that's one. We're making light of it. It's not a good thing, but I really do think the guys who do rape get a sexual charge out of it.

1:15:31🔗 Drew Of course they do.

1:15:32🔗 Adam That's why they do it.

1:15:33🔗 Drew That's why they...

1:15:35🔗 Adam And they're sick. And when straight guys, I shouldn't say straight guys, but when guys who wouldn't think of doing that, I mean, you think of like, how could you even achieve an erection? Like, we talk about this all the time, how could a sane man achieve an erection?

1:15:49🔗 Drew The same motivational systems apply to what sick people do to children. It's the same impulse in a different direction.

1:15:57🔗 Adam What about pedophilia? Act of violence?

1:15:59🔗 Drew It could be a no more violent, degrading kind of a thing than that. Where you come? Not sexual. Of course it's sexual.

1:16:07🔗 Adam It's not sexual.

1:16:08🔗 Alex Borstein It's sick sexual. I guess a woman technically can't rape a man. If he's being forced and can't have an erection, that's why we're powerless and we'll never be president.

1:16:20🔗 Adam That's right. Well, you'll never be president because one of your friends will rat you out like halfway into the campaign. She went down on a chick and she was wearing the same shirt and she went down on me. It's just great. They'll just rat you out. I love it. And guys, we're smart. We're like, oh yeah, oh no, wink, wink. No, no, no, no. I got, I'm not going to say anything.

1:16:40🔗 Alex Borstein There's no girls club. You're right. There's no club.

1:16:42🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm just going to need, and here guys are smart. They're like, listen, Bob, I'm not going to say anything, but if I could get that contract in Fallujah, it would be a good thing.

1:16:50🔗 Alex Borstein Become an ambassador.

1:16:51🔗 Adam Help me keep quiet.

1:16:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:53🔗 Adam Let's get back to the phones. We got to help the kids, Drew.

1:16:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:55🔗 Caller We got to help the kiddies. Laura.

1:16:57🔗 Adam Laura, who's 22. Laura? How are you guys doing? Good. I want to find the guy who did that PSA. I want to track him down. I want to find out what I want.

1:17:06🔗 Drew I think he's the same guy that does the party with the basketball, whatever that is.

1:17:10🔗 Adam I want to find out the agency. Engineer Chris, get on, get on the, always wake him up by the way. It's like I got to poke him with a stick. Get on the Internet. Find out who does these, who is the government body that does these public service announcements? Think Pueblo, Colorado.

1:17:27🔗 Drew Anderson must know.

1:17:28🔗 Alex Borstein Now you're the menace, though. I hadn't heard it until you mentioned it five times and played it.

1:17:33🔗 Adam Oh, really? I brought attention to it.

1:17:35🔗 Alex Borstein I think you're a PSA.

1:17:36🔗 Adam I brought attention to it. You're right. I'm as guilty as they are. Laura?

1:17:41🔗 Yes.

1:17:42🔗 Adam Alex makes a very stirring point. So stirring, she's going to have to leave. Go ahead, Laura.

1:17:48🔗 All right. Actually, this question is for, I guess, all of you, mostly Dr. Drew, though. I have been cutting lately and I'm not sure if it has to do, like, I don't know if I'm depressed. I don't know. I feel like I'm bipolar or I don't know.

1:18:05🔗 Drew You're 22 and you just started cutting?

1:18:08🔗 Caller No, I've been cutting since I was 14. Well, I started cutting when I was 14 and then I haven't been cutting since then and then I started again.

1:18:15🔗 Drew Are you doing any drugs or alcohol now?

1:18:17🔗 Caller No.

1:18:18🔗 Drew Any trouble relationship-wise?

1:18:21🔗 Caller No. I've been with my boyfriend for like almost two years.

1:18:23🔗 Drew And you just started cutting. Do you have history of an eating disorder?

1:18:27🔗 Caller No, not at all.

1:18:28🔗 Adam It's weird that it fired up this late.

1:18:30🔗 Drew Yeah, so I'm trying to figure out. Well, it started at 14 which is more typical. It just says resurfaced now. It does tend to be a chronic recurrent kind of a thing, especially when people have not been treated. Have you had any treatment in the meantime?

1:18:40🔗 Caller No, I haven't.

1:18:41🔗 Adam What kind of cutting, sorry for jumping in, but what kind of cutting do you do? Where do you do?

1:18:48🔗 Caller Right now, there's scratches. They're not deep cuts. They're scratches and they're welts and stuff on my eyes.

1:18:53🔗 Drew You use your fingernails?

1:18:54🔗 Caller No, I use a box cutter. Yeah. All right.

1:18:58🔗 Drew Well, basically what this is is your brain attempting to master overwhelming feeling states that you can't regulate them on your own. And there's some deficiencies in your regulatory systems and you sort of feel overwhelmed and incapable and as a result, maybe not sort of worthwhile. People that can't regulate tend to have low self-esteem also. And so your body just urges you to do something to manage. Now people will do things like vomit, purge, they will do drugs and alcohol, they'll get involved in chaotic relationships.

1:19:31🔗 Caller And the funny thing is, is I've always seen myself as like a really confident person. But like, that's when I'm, you know, in public or with other people, but I'm like, Yeah, competency.

1:19:40🔗 Drew Yeah. That kind of competency may not sort of correlate with what's going on inside. It's certainly a strength, a set of resources that you'll be able to call upon, but it sounds like you need a little help with the inside. And that's what therapy would do. These are common problems. You should take advantage of help.

1:19:56🔗 Adam So do that. Or stop.

1:19:58🔗 Drew No, it sounds like you need a little help. And I think in establishing a stable relationship, which is really all therapy is, you'll get some objectivity about what's driving some of these behaviors and there you go, you'll stop it.

1:20:11🔗 Adam Speaking of box cutter, and we're talking about this wacky statistics, I did read one that was interesting probably a few months ago that, you know, like since 9-11, they've confiscated like, you know, 200,000 box cutters at airport security.

1:20:28🔗 Drew And I think to myself, try to pull something off to see what they can do or?

1:20:32🔗 Adam Well, I don't know, but the notion, first off, you're not heading to work at the loading dock of the Albertsons. You're getting on a flight and you're going to Phoenix. So first off, like, I've never really felt the need to travel with a box cutter. I've used box cutters at my home, but the idea, like, yeah, I'm heading out to the East Coast. Let's see, what do I got? Toiletry bag, extra pair of underpants, box cutter. All right, yeah, we're cool. So just the notion, like, just the idea that jackoffs, that people are this goddamn stupid, that they're going to, like, there wasn't enough box cutter talk, that they're going to hop on a plane with a box cutter, at least attempt to hop on a plane with a box cutter, times into the thousands is just is a very scary notion to me.

1:21:23🔗 Drew To me, it seems like just Yahoo's trying to get away with something to say, hey, I got a guy to go to run.

1:21:27🔗 Caller Even that.

1:21:28🔗 Alex Borstein Just to have a story to tell once they get to Phoenix.

1:21:31🔗 Adam Even the point in a minute.

1:21:32🔗 Drew Weird enough.

1:21:33🔗 Adam I'm guessing the lion's share of this came from Southwest because these are folks who fly cut off sweatpants, flip flops and wife beaters, wearing the foam variety of baseball hat.

1:21:47🔗 Drew With mesh.

1:21:48🔗 Adam I'm always amazed. Like you're you're leaving the state. You don't want to wear anything with pockets, you know, you're just going to kind of hold the wallet all the way to all the way to Flagstaff. Flip flops. No, don't want to put some socks on. Just just go flying cut off. How about what do you do during the summer? Find your underpants. So this is the story.

1:22:09🔗 Alex Borstein The stewardesses are in shorts.

1:22:11🔗 Adam It's hardly a it's that's a dangerous precedent.

1:22:14🔗 Alex Borstein Yes, it's a casual affair.

1:22:16🔗 Adam Yeah, you yeah, they're dressed like the chick used to come on Carson with the animals. You guys are dressed like junior zookeepers. Yeah, what do you want them? Joan Embry.

1:22:26🔗 Alex Borstein Joan Embry.

1:22:27🔗 Adam You guys are dressed like Joan Embry. And you're wondering why I'm sitting in the opposing seats looking at the nut sack of the guy with the cut off sweats.

1:22:36🔗 Alex Borstein Please we prefer brain. The brain.

1:22:39🔗 Adam Can we have, I really, I don't look at myself as a stodgy at all, but can we have some, just like you have to wear sleeves when you fly.

1:22:50🔗 Alex Borstein You want to go back to the 50s and 60s where people wore traveling suits.

1:22:53🔗 Adam An Ascot, a monogram Ascot. I had women wear gloves.

1:22:57🔗 Alex Borstein How comfortable did that look, huh?

1:22:59🔗 Adam Okay, forget about that, but how about, here are the two rules. Your shirt has to have sleeves and I can't see your sack.

1:23:06🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. I don't like seeing a sack.

1:23:09🔗 Alex Borstein I'm on board.

1:23:09🔗 Drew Or smelling the funk of the sack.

1:23:11🔗 Adam And I can't be staring down, oh, jeez, you're missing a nail on your small toe and the one on your, the big nail is black. Yeah, close shoes. Yeah, I don't want to see what's up with your feet.

1:23:24🔗 Drew Just to sort of contain any potential impulses, no suspenders.

1:23:29🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:23:30🔗 Drew Because they seem to go bad, the suspenders seem to...

1:23:33🔗 Alex Borstein Feet for me are the worst.

1:23:35🔗 Adam Yeah, and I think it should be done like a restaurant. Like, not fine dining, but they're just restaurants where it's looked. Sorry, no t-shirts and no tennis shoes.

1:23:45🔗 Drew Shirt with collars.

1:23:46🔗 Adam Yeah, just a little of that. A little of that.

1:23:48🔗 Alex Borstein I'll see what I can do.

1:23:49🔗 Adam Be nice, isn't it? We'll take ourselves a little break. Alex Borstein in the Hizzy tonight from Catwoman and the Family Guy and Mad TV. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:24:06🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:24:07🔗 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Adam.

1:24:08🔗 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

1:24:09🔗 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:24:11🔗 Drew Yes, sir.

1:24:12🔗 Adam You spray that on, you give Stink the Axe. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Alex Borstein is here tonight. Hello. Dear old friend. And she is co-starring in Count Woman, and gonna be coming up. You'll be able to see her soon in Family Guy, and also One Woman Show on the 14th August, Alex Theater. Yes, Glenda.

1:24:56🔗 Drew And I find out Alex and I have 100 friends in common, and go to the same restaurants.

1:24:59🔗 Alex Borstein That's right.

1:25:00🔗 Drew And live in the same neighborhood.

1:25:01🔗 Alex Borstein We're in the same hood, me and Drew. We throw the same signs, you know what I'm saying?

1:25:04🔗 Adam You guys may have done it. Drew's a passionate, passionate man.

1:25:07🔗 Drew We will in the upcoming series, in the upcoming Family Gap episode.

1:25:10🔗 Adam That's right.

1:25:11🔗 Drew That's all part of the method acting that we're gonna get in.

1:25:14🔗 Adam Alex's method, you're passionate together. That's right. It's a very volatile mix. All right, let's-

1:25:20🔗 Alex Borstein I would break him. He's a tiny little thin thing.

1:25:29🔗 Adam He's not that thin. I saw him at a urinal at the airport once.

1:25:33🔗 Alex Borstein All right.

1:25:33🔗 Adam He's not thin.

1:25:35🔗 Alex Borstein All right.

1:25:35🔗 Adam He's rather on the girthy side. Elliot?

1:25:42🔗 Yeah.

1:25:43🔗 Adam You're 13?

1:25:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:25:45🔗 Adam You have bad acne? And the doctor said to wash your face?

1:25:52🔗 Drew No, come on.

1:25:53🔗 Adam No.

1:25:56🔗 Caller I even have that one stuff where you just put water in and you just squeeze it on and that other stuff.

1:26:02🔗 Adam Oh, well, that settles it. You got that stuff.

1:26:07🔗 Drew That stuff and that other stuff. Where you put it on. You spray it on.

1:26:09🔗 Adam All right, well, forgive us. What's the name of the stuff?

1:26:15🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:26:17🔗 Adam All right. And did you go to a dermatologist?

1:26:20🔗 Caller No.

1:26:21🔗 Adam You just went to a regular doctor?

1:26:23🔗 Drew He lives in Bakersfield.

1:26:26🔗 Adam Imagine all they have is like veterinarians over there. There's a lot of agriculture.

1:26:31🔗 Drew And shamans.

1:26:32🔗 Adam Oh, gotta shake it sticks at you. And that is it, and that's it, and that's it. All right. So Elliot. You got a lot of zits.

1:26:45🔗 Drew Here's the deal, Elliot. In this day and age, you shouldn't have to live with bad acne.

1:26:50🔗 Adam Yeah, that's this day and age. He's calling from Bakersfield, it's 1974.

1:26:54🔗 Drew But you're calling this day and age. You may be calling from another time, but in this day and age, when you get to this point in history.

1:27:00🔗 Adam I'm telling you, Ford is president.

1:27:02🔗 Drew I'm just saying, once he gets to our day and time, once he gets to this day and age.

1:27:06🔗 Adam Well, when he gets to our, if he stays in Bakersfield, when he gets to this stage, he'll be 39.

1:27:11🔗 Drew You'll find that people will not be allowed to have acne, that it's something completely treatable. There's many different ways to go at it, whether it's antibiotics on your skin or through your system or certain kinds of retin-A type solutions or creams.

1:27:25🔗 Adam Go to a dermatologist.

1:27:27🔗 Drew Redle peroxide and even Accutane sometimes.

1:27:29🔗 Adam All right, let's talk about it. Let me tell everybody. Here's the thing in life I figured out. First off, I figured out that 99% of everyone is an idiot, even the so-called experts. Even they're even bigger boobs most of the time. And I figured out that I have to figure out the answer to almost everything. And this goes from everything to zits to theories theories involving certain-

1:27:54🔗 Drew Energy resource, energy conservation-

1:27:56🔗 Adam Mostly ethnicities, mostly ethnicities. Let's be honest. I won't share those with you just yet, but the point is I'm working on a lot of you and it's not gonna be a good time. Okay, the zit. Here's how you get rid of the zit. First thing you don't do is you don't traumatize it. You can't be poking it and squeezing it.

1:28:13🔗 Alex Borstein Don't rape it.

1:28:13🔗 Adam Do not rape it.

1:28:15🔗 Alex Borstein Don't rape your zits.

1:28:16🔗 Adam It will not. Here's the thing. Here's what you do with the zit. Drew can't stay in this talk. He thinks it's very responsible. I lance them. You gotta get a pin. You need a sharp pin, not a safety pin type pin. Go to the store and get a needle. Get a needle and thread type needle. Get a very fine one. A very fine one.

1:28:37🔗 Alex Borstein Make sure it's a clean, non-used needle.

1:28:39🔗 Adam A fresh needle.

1:28:40🔗 Drew Do you fire it up, Adam, before you do?

1:28:41🔗 Adam Turns out the old sterilization thing, not what it's cracked up to be. I've never sterilized mine. I just keep it on the bathroom shelf. But here's the thing. Your zit has an epicenter. It has a pore. There is a bad pore. And when that very fine needle finds that bad pore, it will drop in, as if you're piercing a grape. Like you're pushing a little on the outside skin, and then pop, it drops in. And when it drops in, that means you've hit it. Once it drops in, now you have to drain the evil juice out of the zit. But you can't be, again, wrenching on it. You can actually pull it apart, and it'll sort of drain a little bit. Is it evil juice? Juice, juice, but that is part of another theorem. I'm gonna get to that at the one o'clock hour. We, well, the evil juice out of it, and then oxy-10, and oxy-10, by the way, all time, dabs, big, just globs of oxy-10. If you're going to bed and there's a little red mark and something starts, just finger full oxy-10 on it.

1:29:42🔗 Alex Borstein I'm a fan of hydrogen peroxide.

1:29:44🔗 Adam Oh yeah?

1:29:44🔗 Alex Borstein Yeah.

1:29:45🔗 Adam Does that work? I don't know, I've never used that.

1:29:47🔗 Alex Borstein It bubbles, it frothes, and it feels like it's working, Adam.

1:29:52🔗 Adam It does seem like it's doing something, but I'm not sure, and rabbit dogs froth, too, and I'm not sure it'd be good if you put them on your head.

1:30:00🔗 Drew Oxy-10 is a great antibacterial.

1:30:01🔗 Adam Okay, the oxy-10 will burn it, will knock it down.

1:30:06🔗 Alex Borstein But hydrogen peroxide's 89 cents for like a gallon.

1:30:09🔗 Adam I know, and oxy-10 is really, it's like eight bucks for a spoonful.

1:30:15🔗 Alex Borstein It's like crack.

1:30:15🔗 Adam It's crazy, it's crack cocaine.

1:30:17🔗 Alex Borstein It is, it's face crack.

1:30:18🔗 Drew But peroxide, the topical, like that's all peroxide type agents that you can get over the counter are a very good place to start.

1:30:24🔗 Adam Yeah, and again, use that pin, pierce it, lance it, and drain it out.

1:30:30🔗 Drew I'm just too tired and broken to fight.

1:30:32🔗 Adam And Drew, and let me, what's up with everyone going nuts with the rubbing alcohol and everything? I've had rubbing alcohol, everyone's just like sterilizing everything. I've had the same pin, it sits in my bathroom. I urinate my sink, my bathroom is disgusting. It's been the same one, it's been sitting there in a cup. I never do, I wipe it under my armpit once in a while, literally just knock things off and stick it in there. It's really, there's nothing on it. How does that work?

1:30:58🔗 Alex Borstein You can't see him right now, but his skin, it's like porcelain.

1:31:01🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm like a China doll.

1:31:02🔗 Drew Hey, let's take Jason's call. He's been on hold for 115 minutes.

1:31:05🔗 Alex Borstein Thank you, Alex.

1:31:07🔗 Adam Alex has lovely skin as well. Oh, you're sweating. Will you talk to Jason?

1:31:10🔗 Drew Yeah, please.

1:31:10🔗 Adam All right, Jason.

1:31:12🔗 Caller Adam, hey man, how you doing?

1:31:14🔗 Adam You're 14. You don't sound 14.

1:31:17🔗 Caller Yeah, I know. I get that a lot.

1:31:20🔗 Caller All right.

1:31:20🔗 Adam Well, sorry you've been on hold for 114 minutes. What's your question?

1:31:24🔗 Caller I'm listening to the show on hold.

1:31:27🔗 Adam What's that?

1:31:28🔗 Caller I've enjoyed listening to the show.

1:31:29🔗 Caller You got that as a thank you when you're on hold.

1:31:32🔗 Adam God bless you. What's going on tonight?

1:31:35🔗 Caller Well, I got on the motorcycle. I told the guy to call screener, whatever you want to call him. It was about a month ago.

1:31:42🔗 Drew We got about 30 seconds here, Jason.

1:31:45🔗 Caller It was about two or three weeks ago.

1:31:48🔗 Caller Hand the bar, nailed me in the groin, can't get an erection. What should I do?

1:31:53🔗 Drew 14. I used to beat off twice a day, dude. Did your testicle swell?

1:32:00🔗 Adam No, it bruised a little.

1:32:03🔗 Drew Sometimes I've been seeing situations where just a trauma to the area without significant injury can reduce your sex drive and responsiveness for a few weeks. Obviously, you can fracture the testes, you can rupture them, all kinds of things. Wonderful things can happen.

1:32:18🔗 Adam But how's that gonna affect this erection?

1:32:21🔗 Drew I don't understand quite what the physiology is, but I've heard of this before. Whether it just changes the way the blood supply is responding or whether the testosterone levels transiently drop, I don't know. But I've certainly seen this.

1:32:33🔗 Alex Borstein It scares me.

1:32:34🔗 Adam Jason.

1:32:35🔗 Drew Yes, sir.

1:32:36🔗 Adam You may have to see a urologist.

1:32:38🔗 Drew It would be a good idea. Let's make sure you haven't fractured anything or hurt anything. Your testes can die if they're hit hard.

1:32:44🔗 Adam Well, we got it in the penis too.

1:32:46🔗 Drew Yeah, that could fracture too.

1:32:48🔗 Adam Good times. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:32:51🔗 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? 877-889-DATE. This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

1:33:35🔗 Adam Well that's the show everybody. Alex Borstein. Dear, dear, dear friend, Catwoman, everybody, and One Woman Show at the Alex Theater, August 14th in Glendale, and look forward to her as the voice of Lois coming out in the Family Guy.

1:33:54🔗 Drew And the upcoming affair that I will have with her.

1:33:56🔗 Alex Borstein That's right, look for Dr. Drew on Family Guy.

1:33:59🔗 Adam Or to get on the show.

1:34:00🔗 Alex Borstein And you can find out about my show at alexborstein.com.

1:34:02🔗 Drew That's at the Alex Theater.

1:34:03🔗 Alex Borstein At the Alex Theater.

1:34:04🔗 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying, mahalo.

1:34:08🔗 Caller This is Lois for Dr. Drew. He can't talk right now, because his mouth is a little busy. You know what I mean?

1:34:23🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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