Monday, July 12, 2004

0:03🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

0:08🔗 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

0:16🔗 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician. Did just that. I tell you what, buddy, I'm this close to dropping trial.

0:33🔗 I'll do it.

0:34🔗 Adam I'll drop, drop, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll drop, drop, right now, 755, 75, 75. Ha, ha, ha, ha, that's five away from 8 o'clock. Yeah, what's going on? We got news and traffic coming up, coming up top of the hour, 755, 75, 75. Really? You're doing that?

0:51🔗 Drew I'm setting up brake lights.

0:52🔗 Adam You're breaking the math down that far? 755, 55 after seven? Ha, how much further can you break the math down than that? Yeah, the four or five, we got a slow and go. Look out for brake lights. Ah, slow and go. Let me get my scratch pad out. Let's see now. 755.

1:15🔗 Drew 55 after the hour.

1:16🔗 Adam 55 after seven.

1:18🔗 Drew Oh, now it's 56 after.

1:20🔗 Adam Yeah, slow and go. They have brake lights. I got some bozos out there that are causing trouble out there. Slow and go, traffic in lanes. In lanes. That's the other one I like. Oh, really? They're not driving on the I-V. They're not up on the I-V embankment. They're actually in lanes. There's something in lanes? Interesting. All right, so we got weather and traffic coming up top of the hour. Got the five day forecast coming up. It's going to be, well, Monday looks like 84 with a low of 64.

1:48🔗 Drew Late night or early morning, low clouds.

1:49🔗 Adam It's a marine layer. It's going to be heading in the morning, then it's coming out. At Placentia, it's checking in 82. We got Garden Grove checking in 82. Who else checking in? Everyone's checking in at 82. Yeah, saw the five day forecast on Monday, by the way. Actually saw the five day forecast yesterday. Saw the news today. They were explaining that it's totally different than whatever it was. I thought, first off, if you're going to give the five day forecast, shut the f up for the rest of the week. You've now given us the forecast. That's it. That's it. You shut up. Hey, hey, hey, Noster Krapis over there. You told us Sunday night how it was going to be all the way until the weekend. Now shut up.

2:36🔗 Drew Unless you're wrong. Could it be?

2:40🔗 Adam Could it be? Seven and a half hours later, maybe you're totally wrong. What? Five-day forecast. Oh, you weatherman. Don't get me going on you weatherman.

2:49🔗 Drew I was thinking about you tonight and how people compliment you or the show. I remember last night you were complimented for being on that ABC show, but you look great. You look great. You look nervous. You look great. You seem nervous. Yeah. Great show, but you didn't look quite right.

3:02🔗 Adam That's right.

3:03🔗 Drew Tonight somebody walked up to the restaurant and goes, I love your show. Thank you so much. But yeah, last night I was listening. I couldn't take it anymore. I turned it off. I never listen really, but I can't take it. It's awful.

3:13🔗 Adam They didn't say awful, but I couldn't take it anymore.

3:15🔗 Drew Then I had to get them to clarify, like, what's awful, Adam and the farting, no, no, the college college.

3:21🔗 Adam Now I do get it. I do. This show gets a fair amount of that. Love your show. Just couldn't take it.

3:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

3:26🔗 Adam Had to change it. Couldn't tolerate it anymore.

3:29🔗 Drew Couldn't bite your tongue right there before I had to turn it off.

3:33🔗 Adam Big fan became physically ill listening to the show. Had to turn the car off.

3:38🔗 Drew I actually don't listen ever, but last time I was listening.

3:41🔗 Adam Huge fan. Been not listening for years now. Big fan of the show. Big fan of you. Big fan of Adam. Had to drive the car into a light because I couldn't take it. I do get a fair amount of that. Here's the thing about compliments. They usually start going south about the 60% mark.

4:03🔗 Drew It's sentence three.

4:04🔗 Adam Yeah. They do well.

4:07🔗 Drew Yeah, it's like, hey, hey, love what you do.

4:09🔗 Adam They start doing good.

4:11🔗 Drew Last night, I couldn't take it anymore.

4:14🔗 Adam No, they usually start turning a little past the halfway point of the actual exchange. I've found. I've found.

4:22🔗 Drew I end the exchange right about the time they start turning.

4:26🔗 Adam I've now decided just to tell people to beat it when they start. It's hard because they start with, hey, eventually, and then it starts getting ugly. All right. You ready to rock here, Drill?

4:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

4:40🔗 Adam Because I don't know. We may have to do a lightning round tonight, Drill. Oh. I mean, we got weather. We got traffic.

4:46🔗 Drew I think you've got lightning round in you.

4:48🔗 Adam I mean, it's slow and go on the 105. I mean, there are things to talk about. We got to get the news in too. There's brush fires.

4:57🔗 Drew Oh, are there?

4:58🔗 Adam Oh, I don't know, but there's got to be brush fires. You got to know about that. We're into the fire season. We're past the dads and grads time. We're into, yeah. Of course, with the bikini season coming up, people fight in the Battle of the Bulge. I like that. I like the news when they just show chest down shots of lard asses fighting the Battle of the Bulge. Really? That passes as copy, I would love just to be in the newsroom and see that come up, the guy right there on the teleprompter, Battle of the Bulge. Phil, I want to show you this. Yeah, let me show you. And then just pick up a folding chair and just start beating it. Just like out of a scene from Goodfellas, just to bloody, to there was brain matter all over the folding chair. And then they throw the folding chair across the room to a stunned group and say, anyone else? Anybody else? Anyone else want to fight the Battle of the Bulge? How about Battle of the Bulge? Or Dance and Grads? Anybody else? Anybody else? Get back to work, you monkeys!

6:01🔗 Drew Sarah 19.

6:02🔗 Adam And not a court in the land would convict me either.

6:04🔗 Drew No, no. Crime of passion. Defense, really.

6:09🔗 Adam Yeah, that's right. I was protecting the viewers against hearing the worn out phrase, Battle of the Bulge, one more time, as it pertained to lard asses. Sarah?

6:20🔗 Yeah?

6:21🔗 Adam 19?

6:22🔗 Yep, 19.

6:23🔗 Adam What's going on?

6:25🔗 I'm wondering what the sexual side effects are for smoking weed.

6:29🔗 I think I may be having some.

6:31🔗 Drew You kind of get shut down. You're not interested in things as much anymore. You can occasionally have trouble orgasming, but mostly it's just sort of the overall syndrome of depression.

6:41🔗 Adam What about the fact that the chicks are all up in their bean as it goes for the big O anyway and that pot really can scramble?

6:51🔗 Drew She asked about orgasm. She asked about libido.

6:53🔗 Yeah.

6:53🔗 Adam Well, she said sexual side effects.

6:56🔗 Yeah. I'm like, I don't get aroused very easily at all.

7:00🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Here's what I'm saying. Guys, it's a mechanical, plumbing, mathematic. You put enough pounds per square inch on my dork, you move your hand up and down enough times and something will come out on the 833rd time.

7:20🔗 Drew Ladies, are you taking notes?

7:21🔗 Adam It is pure math. I could be watching films of the Holocaust with my grandmother's head superimposed into all the Nazis. And something would eventually just leak out. Write that down, by the way, for my art house film. Yeah. The point is women, it's up in their head.

7:43🔗 Drew Well, so the point is that because it's dependent on how they're feeling, weed screws with that.

7:48🔗 Adam Weed can screw with that. So I would say for men, not a huge deal.

7:52🔗 Drew When they get severely depressed, it can be a deal. But for women, yes.

7:54🔗 Adam For women, it could really screw with. They got a whole, they're like cats during a thunderstorm or something. There's too many negative ions in the air or something. And they can't get the pheromone scene going. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Very delicate.

8:13🔗 Drew We're not done with Sarah.

8:17🔗 Adam Sarah?

8:18🔗 Yeah?

8:18🔗 Drew So why don't you do something about the pot since that seems to be finally having an effect on you.

8:23🔗 I like it.

8:24🔗 Drew Well, there you go. It's going to be one of the many losses that begin to accumulate from the drug.

8:30🔗 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

8:32🔗 I have a girlfriend.

8:34🔗 Adam Oh, you're a lesbian?

8:36🔗 All right.

8:37🔗 Adam So is something wrong with you? Did you get molested or anything?

8:41🔗 Drew No.

8:42🔗 Nothing like that. Could be my parents. I mean, I met my dad for the first time. So that kind of had an effect on me.

8:50🔗 Drew When was that?

8:52🔗 Yeah.

8:53🔗 Drew When was that?

8:54🔗 Oh, that was old. I haven't met him.

8:56🔗 I'm 19 now.

8:57🔗 The first time I met him, I was 17.

8:59🔗 Drew My goodness.

9:00🔗 So 17 years of my life, I never knew my dad.

9:04🔗 Adam How's the lesbian relationship going?

9:07🔗 Oh, it's great.

9:07🔗 I've been with her for five years.

9:10🔗 Drew She's a great girl. How old was she when you met her or when you started dating?

9:14🔗 She was 14.

9:14🔗 I was 15. Yeah.

9:19🔗 Adam And this is it. You're not bi. You're lesbo.

9:21🔗 Yeah. Lesbo, yep.

9:25🔗 Adam Well, sometimes, by the way, as Drew says, oftentimes, these lesbian relationships can just settle into a... become a sort of a partnership, right?

9:36🔗 Drew It's a little bit of a sexless partnership.

9:40🔗 Adam But if you ever see the old lesbian couples, it's all short cropped hair and beads and somehow, here's what happens to lesbians. As the hair gets shorter, the earrings get longer.

9:53🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

9:54🔗 Adam Eventually...

9:54🔗 Drew And the necklaces, too.

9:55🔗 Adam Eventually, the back of their head looks like a goddamn Gomer pile. Just buzzed all the way out the back of their thing. They've got a necklace that's dragging on the ground, and they have earrings that hang down lower than their knees. What goes...

10:10🔗 Drew What gives?

10:11🔗 Adam The hair is going this way, jewelry is going toward terra firma. What is that, Drew?

10:16🔗 Drew It's an interesting observation.

10:19🔗 Adam And they love beads. It's the beads. They don't wear gold and silver necklaces. It's the bead and the earrings weigh 70 pounds per unit. It's very folksy. It's like, here's what it is. I'm going to put junk on. I couldn't possibly go down on a chick with this much crap on me. I couldn't get my head...

10:41🔗 Drew It's a lesbian's version of I've Got a Headache?

10:43🔗 Adam Yeah. It's like, yeah. Sweet Pea, yeah, partner of 26 years. I'd love to go down on you, but I'm wearing a metric ton of jewelry and beads and most of the stuff, a lot of Indian crap, a lot of garbage I picked up in Pueblo, Colorado. Remember our last sexless vacation at Grand Canyon? Yeah. I'm wearing tons of beads. I'm wearing tons of junk. I'm like lesbian Mr. T over here. A lot of turquoise. Can't get all this crap off. And by the way, hair not long enough for you to get a handful of anything and force me down there. Keep a close buzz cut.

11:23🔗 Drew Maybe that's it.

11:24🔗 Adam Keep the hair short. Keep the beads fat equals no more oral. Interesting Drew. And by the way, I see anyone in turquoise. When I see the turquoise, I cross the street. When I see the dude with the turquoise belt buckle and even worse, the big turquoise nuggety. You couldn't call it a bracelet. It's too thick to be a band. It's a big band. It's a silver band. He's usually the dude in his fifties with the ponytail. And there's a story behind the turquoise that you absolutely don't want to hear. But you're going to hear it if you establish eye contact with him. And he's some sort of.

12:03🔗 Drew He's wearing a bolo too, usually.

12:04🔗 Adam He's wearing a bolo. He's talking about spirituality. He's just lit a menthol cigarette while he's explaining to you about his roots. That jack-off. Listen, all you jack-offs with the turquoise, please. Do me a favor. Throw yourself into the river. You'll go right to the bottom. Eventually, you'll decompose and we'll find the turquoise again. You fall into it because you're wearing literally 70 pounds worth of turquoise and silver. You fall into it. You could drown in four inches of water. Like you land on something. We need a crane. You're like a cop motorcycle. You tip over. We got to get tow truck to get you back up again. Or start selling turquoise. Yeah. So what is it with lesbians, Drew, that all the beads go on and all the earrings go on?

12:49🔗 Drew I don't know.

12:49🔗 Adam The hair just keeps getting shorter. The glasses get bigger.

12:52🔗 Drew Maybe some of our lesbian listeners can call it an enlighten us. I think you're right. I've never really thought about it.

12:57🔗 Adam I really think it's the I'm not going down on you. You can't grab my hair and there's too many beads to get to your vagina. I'm essentially wearing a car tire around my neck.

13:07🔗 Drew We are intentionally looking at stereotypes. Trying to understand.

13:11🔗 Adam Trying to understand.

13:12🔗 Drew I've noticed in terms of a tire, there's the gray sort of tank top t-shirt with the sort of work shirt on top.

13:21🔗 Adam Now that's the fanny pack lesbian. That's not the folk art.

13:24🔗 Drew That's the uniform, but that's her uniform.

13:26🔗 Adam That's the uniform, but that's not quite as folksy as the folk art lesbian.

13:30🔗 Drew I agree, but that is always with a circa 1970 fanny pack. Not anything recent.

13:37🔗 Adam Made it myself. Yeah, yeah. And then there's also just there's my mom's friend who's, there's something women do when they've decided they're not going to be having sex anymore that just has to do with loading up on beads.

13:52🔗 Drew That's the part I have not observed. And I want to hear from our colleagues.

13:54🔗 Adam Oh, you've observed it.

13:55🔗 Drew Well, no, now that you bring it to my attention, I've observed it.

13:57🔗 Adam Yeah, you know plenty. You know what I'm talking about.

13:59🔗 Drew Yeah, now I know what you're talking about.

14:00🔗 Adam Yeah.

14:01🔗 Drew Monica's, 16.

14:04🔗 Adam Yeah, bead lesbians.

14:06🔗 Drew Ask Sarah. Oh, Sarah left.

14:08🔗 Adam No, she doesn't know anything.

14:09🔗 Drew Well, maybe she had to wear beads.

14:10🔗 Adam You gotta wait till they hang out for a few years. She's only been with her gal pal for a couple years.

14:14🔗 Drew So the point we were making was they may have hit a stride where the sex is sort of out of the relationship, which happens sometimes.

14:18🔗 Adam All their sexual energy gets channeled into beads.

14:21🔗 Drew The other thing about lesbian couples is-

14:23🔗 Adam Large beads.

14:24🔗 Drew It's a somewhat heterogeneous group in that there's a certain amount of sexual abuse survivors in that group who are somewhat hypersexual, somewhat bi-polar, somewhat shut down as a part of the trauma.

14:32🔗 Adam Oh, they're shut down by the time they get to the bead phase. They get to the bead in the sandal phase. That's it. They even put the beads on the sandals.

14:39🔗 Drew What's the bead symbol?

14:40🔗 Adam I don't know. Monica, and hold on. Let me just say this too. And this is going to go out to the lesbian couples who have been together for 26 glorious years. This is going out to my mom's goofball friends. This is going out to all you broads. Beads, I don't know who you're doing it for. It ain't for us. Never heard a guy mention the word beads as it pertained to a woman and why he was attracted to her. It's like, she's a five, but oh man, can she wear some beads? That's what drew me in.

15:14🔗 Drew Well, now let's think about adornments in general.

15:15🔗 Adam Huge ass with great beads.

15:17🔗 Drew But generally jewelry and adornments, women wear those for other women.

15:20🔗 Adam They must.

15:21🔗 Drew Because men are not attracted to that. That's the way of marking territories.

15:25🔗 Adam But the beads.

15:26🔗 Drew But think about it. When guys don't buy women beads, women do that for themselves.

15:32🔗 Adam I can see a nice set of diamond earrings or maybe even a slutty little ankle bracelet every once in a while. But the big blue volcanic rock beads my mom's friends wear. No. Not for anybody. Nobody likes that. Basically, you look like a pottery store. Let's keep moving. Monica? You're 16.

16:01🔗 Drew Monica?

16:01🔗 Adam What's up, baby doll?

16:07🔗 I have a question about guys. Do guys get freaked out when girls approach them?

16:15🔗 Drew No. If they like you.

16:17🔗 Adam If they're wearing the beads, we do.

16:18🔗 Drew That might freak them a little bit. But no, they do not. If they like you. If they don't like you, they don't know how to say no and they seem very squirrely and get really freaked out. Guys are not skilled at doing what women do all the time, which is sort of deflecting things, saying no, moving little things along without hurting people's feelings.

16:37🔗 Yeah.

16:38🔗 Adam Is there a guy you like?

16:40🔗 Yeah. I've tried inviting him, not asking him out, but on a date and then he always turns me down.

16:55🔗 Drew There's nothing to do with you asking him out. Just turn the tables. If you were a guy and asked a girl out several times and she said no several times, what do you think the guy ought to do? He ought to stop asking.

17:07🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, here, okay. Here's what-

17:10🔗 Drew And by the way, the guy has a higher probability of bringing a girl around than a girl does of turning a guy's-

17:16🔗 Adam Okay. So, here's what we're saying. It's not the message, it's not how the message is conveyed, it's the message, it's the parcel that's being delivered.

17:28🔗 Drew It's that it's being conveyed.

17:29🔗 Adam No. So, here's what I'm saying. It's not whether it gets thrown in your yard or sent to you via a courier or UPS or hand delivered to you, it's what the package is that guys are interested in. And a lot of times, girls do this thing where it's like, I asked a guy out, but I asked him out in a clumsy way and I think I freaked him out or I asked him to go somewhere that I don't know. No, no, no, no. We don't want to care anything about that. All we care is, are we interested in the package?

17:57🔗 Drew The delivery.

17:58🔗 Adam You are the package. I don't care how it's delivered.

18:00🔗 Drew If they like the package, they're running inside the house going, oh, look what I got.

18:04🔗 Adam Doesn't matter if a stork was carrying it and dropped it into your yard. It doesn't matter if a homeless guy knocked on the door and handed it to you. If it's something you wanted, we're in. And there's no way to screw that up. On the other hand, if we don't want it, it doesn't matter whether it's wrapped in a silver bow.

18:22🔗 Drew Who brought it or how.

18:24🔗 Adam Right. So Monica thinks she's screwing up because she's asking this guy to do stuff he doesn't want to do or whatever. He's just not interested.

18:33🔗 Drew Right.

18:33🔗 Adam Monica? Uh-huh. Sorry, he's not interested in you.

18:37🔗 Caller I figured it out already.

18:39🔗 Drew Okay.

18:39🔗 Adam All right. But there are guys who will be interested in you.

18:43🔗 Drew See, I think I'm realizing that women somehow think that by asking guys out there, distorting or disturbing the sort of ecosystem, the fact is it's a precise situation that men are in. You ask a guy out, you didn't screw anything up when you asked them out. They just ain't wanting to go out. So it's, you know, you put it in your head as, oh, that went down as if I hadn't asked them out, maybe I would have had a chance.

19:03🔗 Adam Let me say this. Too many years of too many bad sitcoms have screwed it up for everybody. And people somehow thinking that, well, this person was the person for me, but circumstances got confused and now we're not going out. You're not going out because they're not interested, not because you were clumsy or because you had a piece of food on the side of your mouth while you were asking them out. You know, there's all this. I mean, that's sort of the classic sitcom thing is, you know, Jack Tripper's out on a date. Everything's going great. There's a knock on the door. There's some confusion. And before he can turn around, his date says, that's it. I never want to see you again. And storms out. That never happens. That happens if she's not into it. If she's into him, she's hanging. She'll go through anything.

19:51🔗 Drew There is an intermediate thing where a guy may not have another girlfriend and may be kind of interested in things. And may, you know, he'll let you know that though. He'll say, Oh, yeah, not right now or whatever. But they'll leave the door open if there's any interest in a man for Monica and Monica.

20:06🔗 Adam There's nothing wrong with you. Just this guy ain't into your scene.

20:11🔗 Drew All right.

20:15🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm sure you're plenty cute. I hope you're cute. Are you? The phone keeps crapping out. Here's the point. Go ahead and ask out whoever you're interested in.

20:25🔗 Drew Yeah, it's not going to freak.

20:26🔗 Adam And if they're interested, they'll go out. And it's not because you asked them out that freak them out.

20:30🔗 Drew The guys are even clearer than the girls. They will be completely in if they're in and completely swirling around with their eyes.

20:37🔗 Adam That's right. Jennifer?

20:39🔗 Drew I love this phone system.

20:42🔗 Hello.

20:43🔗 Drew There we go.

20:44🔗 Adam What's happening? Good.

20:48🔗 I just have a question for you. My boyfriend, he's 34 and he's a diabetic. He just started taking Paxil. When we mess around and stuff, he gets aroused, but he usually loses his erection and can't really ejaculate.

21:06🔗 Drew Well, that is partially the Paxil and partially undoubtedly his diabetes. Male diabetics get erectile dysfunction, orgasm dysfunction, all kinds of sexual dysfunction.

21:16🔗 Okay, so I was kind of taking it personally.

21:17🔗 Drew No, and the Paxil can really make it difficult for them to orgasm.

21:22🔗 We don't fight or anything, but he was just feeling bad the other day because I was upset about it.

21:28🔗 Drew No, it's not about you. This is a biological thing.

21:32🔗 Adam Yeah, well what's he going to do about it?

21:34🔗 Drew He talked to his doctor about switching off the Paxil. There's three antidepressants that don't interfere with sexual functioning, serozone, wellbutrin and remeron.

21:45🔗 Adam Remeron. Yeah.

21:47🔗 Drew Remeron sounds like the one you should be using for sexual prowess, huh? Remeron.

21:52🔗 Adam Remeron sounds like something you would want an angry, like if you were coaching extras in a movie and you're like, like, or the guy said, we need to go to Frankenstein's castle and we need to kill that monster. When you just, you don't want them to actually say anything audible, but you want something to come out, like that mugger mugger sound, you want, I want Remeron. That Remeron is the general sound that I want to come out of the angry torch-bearing crowd.

22:19🔗 Drew Perfect.

22:19🔗 Adam The pitchforks. Remember when people would use pitchforks?

22:22🔗 Drew Pitchforks and torches.

22:23🔗 Adam Torches. And by the way.

22:25🔗 Drew Torches made out of what?

22:25🔗 Adam Sterno? They never screwed up and had them all with pitchforks or all.

22:31🔗 Drew Right. With shovels.

22:33🔗 Adam All with torches. It was always 50-50. One guy had the pitchfork. It must be the guys like, you guys were born on even-numbered dates and I can bring the pitchforks. You guys with the odd numbers, you bring the torch. There was never, they would always work it out where it was even.

22:52🔗 Drew You know, Jennifer, our boyfriend with the sexual dysfunction, that's the only thing I can ever get young diabetics to listen to is when they don't want to take their insulin and they get ketoacidosis and get into real serious problems that it's going to cause nerve damage and their dork won't work. That sometimes gets through to them.

23:05🔗 Adam Speaking of dork, I'm on day, I don't know what, of not beating off.

23:13🔗 Drew Just it's not working?

23:15🔗 Adam I just, it's black and blue down there. I'm scared something's going to come out. Like magenta is going to come out of me and I'm going to freak out, you know? Is it okay?

23:29🔗 Drew You're good times.

23:30🔗 Adam Can I get the green light from you, Doc?

23:32🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. You may unleash the gods.

23:36🔗 Adam Can I get a little help?

23:37🔗 Drew No.

23:38🔗 Adam Huh? I just kind of want to pro there, even if it's just holding my hand.

23:42🔗 Drew Yeah, holding what?

23:45🔗 Adam What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, is I just need a spotter. You know what I mean? I can lift the weight. I can lift it, but in case the knee goes out, I'm going to need somebody there. You know, I'm squatting. Do you want to lift? I can lift. I just need, I haven't beat off. It's been like over a week now. I just want a spotter. I want someone who understands the HIPAA laws. Someone who's certified. Someone I know I can trust not to talk about, be confidential and discreet about this. Someone who could administer some CPR if something should go wrong. I'm just saying, during the break, let me see if I can get something going.

24:32🔗 Drew And that's fine.

24:34🔗 Adam And I'm not saying, I don't want to put a magazine on your back or anything like that. I'm just all going, I'll discreetly go into the stall. I'll leave the door open. I just want you to hold my good hand, my free hand. If you feel the grip tighten and then loosen very quickly, I'm going to need you. If you hear me hit tile, I need you to come in there. Because it's been too long and it's musing with my mind. You know what I'm saying?

24:58🔗 Drew Yeah, I can see that.

25:00🔗 Adam We'll take a Chris. I'm going to need you there too, buddy.

25:04🔗 Drew Chris, you'll be wearing the magazine on your back.

25:06🔗 Adam Yeah. Bring a squeegee and a couple. Go find the party patrol van and get some extra t-shirts. And a calendar too, actually. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

25:20🔗 Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

25:53🔗 Adam Ha ha, Adam Carolla. Let's go back to 7-Eleven. Dr. Drew in the hizzy. I gotta tell you what over here right now. That's what I'm gonna say. All right, everybody, 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven, 7-Eleven. 7-5, 5, 7 o'clock. Check it in. Drew, when the traffic weather coming up, that 7-Eleven?

26:12🔗 Drew That was a bit of a... Yeah, a bit of a...

26:14🔗 Adam All right, let me do, let me just get a little weather. Let me just check in. Pomona checking in at 64, Irvine coming in at 64, Fountain Valley 64, Sulvang 64, Chatsworth 64, Yuccaiba 64 degrees, Redlands checking in at 64, Rancho, Santa Margarita 64 degrees, Bain and Carson area 64 degrees, New Hall 64, Corona 64, Yorba Linda 64, Redondo Beach and Lakeview Terrace coming in 64 degrees. We'll be checking in with weather traffic at the top of the hour again. It's coming up 7-55.

26:41🔗 Drew I used to like Lakeview Terrace. That must be a beautiful city. I can just imagine what Lakeview Terrace looks like.

26:46🔗 Adam Yeah, it's nice. It's a Hawaiian gardens dump. How many times do I have to say this? We need to start assigning cities numbers instead of names because you're living in Michigan and you're moving out to Los Angeles area and you think, hmm, where should I live? Sherman Oaks or Hawaiian Gardens or Lakeview Terrace or Sunland or Panorama City.

27:19🔗 Drew That must be a view.

27:21🔗 Adam Experimental futuristic city. Perhaps Walt Disney built it. No, it's a bunch of guys cooking meth. Sofa's out on the lawn and El Camino's up on blocks. Now, obviously, if I'm living in like a Beaver Falls Pittsburgh, if I'm in Beaver Falls, PA and I'm moving out to LA and I find out that the rent in Hawaiian Gardens is twice as cheap as the rent in Toluca Lake, I'm moving to Hawaiian Gardens.

27:50🔗 Drew Of course.

27:52🔗 Adam Send me to Hawaiian Gardens. No, here's what, Hawaiian Gardens needs to be replaced with 1157. That's its number. Now, I find out that the Sherman Oaks rent, well, Sherman Oaks, number six. See what I'm saying? Yeah. That's what we can start telling because otherwise, when you're moving here, like I said, actually, here's how you know. The better the sound, the worse. It's sort of like strippers. When they say, Velvet Chastain is coming to the stage, it's always some scary broad. You show me a chick just named Cheryl. I'll show you a chick with a nice hand. Yeah, don't need to compensate. Yeah. You get the Hawaiian Gardens and like I said, yeah, the Sunlands. What a dump Sunland is. Just a bunch of white trash bikers out there. And then Panorama City, just a bunch of gang bangers, just a dump, just a pure dump. But again, also, by the way, when you're Hawaiian Gardens, why change? You're Hawaiian Gardens. Where's your incentive? You've got idiots coming from around the country just to visit you, thinking they're going to, you know, pick up a ukulele, I'll see the waterfalls, I'll go to the Magic Ponds. It'll be huge. No, it's a dump. You get carjacked. But when you're 1157, now you've got some motivation. And here's my other thing, too. Your city got to have the number, its ranking posted on the sign that you enter. And when you're in the phone book or anything that has to do with your city, your number is right under it. That's it. That's incentive. I mean, look, yeah. And I don't know, you know, Drew, you live in Pasadena. That's a nice city. You'd probably be probably somewhere in the top, you know, top 10, maybe top 20, no prom. You know, I don't know, Malibu. Maybe maybe maybe the colonies would be number one, maybe Beverly Hills, maybe number two, number three, but the point is incentive, incentive. And if you're the mayor of number 927, you're like, hey, people, break it down. Let's go now. Let's get a hand in. Hey, pick up that cigarette butt. You, you. Yeah, don't be dumping that motor oil out in the street. Let's go. Let's go to the recycling center. Let's go. Let's get let's let's get this graffiti cleaned up here.

30:17🔗 Drew Yeah, that those statements just remind me of to hunger to know the city we've to hunger. Oh, dump.

30:24🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying, I talk to people who do nothing. Everybody everybody in this industry just relocates out here and they have no idea where they're moving to. And like I said, well, Hawaiian Garden sounds a hell of a lot nicer than Sherman Oaks does. And they are in CINO, they are Studio City, just just moved there. All right. But you put the number in there and now you got accountability. And by the way, everything should have that airlines, everything, everything, politicians, everything just have a number to the ranking, everything, everything just just gets a ranking, gets a number and that's it. We'd be in trouble.

31:07🔗 William, hey, Adam, number one, I just want to say that you're my god and Drew, you're a very passionate, passionate man.

31:13🔗 Adam That's right. Number one. You see, call me number one. Go ahead.

31:17🔗 All right. I have a comment and a question. My comment is, Drew, I love your book, and I got finished with it in about three days. It was just great. I recommend it to all Loveline listeners.

31:28🔗 Drew Thank you, Adam.

31:29🔗 And my question is-

31:30🔗 Adam It's called Cracked. It's called Cracked.

31:32🔗 Drew It's coming out in paperback in the fall, as a matter of fact. Yeah.

31:36🔗 And my question is-

31:36🔗 Adam I thought it was coming out in pulp.

31:38🔗 Drew Pulp, yeah. Well, Papyrus, we decided. But I have another book coming out called When Painkillers Become Dangerous.

31:44🔗 Caller Okay, my question is-

31:45🔗 Adam I always thought you didn't sell any copies of KROQ.

31:49🔗 Drew This one really lights up when you read it. That's a good one. This one's about people that have a problem, a family member or something.

31:56🔗 Caller All right.

31:56🔗 Adam Go ahead.

31:57🔗 My question is, can I go out on a date with phone screen or Brian? Can I go out on a date with phone screen or Brian?

32:04🔗 Drew Yes.

32:04🔗 Adam I said yes.

32:05🔗 Yes?

32:06🔗 Adam Yes.

32:06🔗 All right. Great.

32:07🔗 Adam It's going to cost you, though. It's not a cheap date.

32:10🔗 Oh, really?

32:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

32:11🔗 Oh, OK.

32:12🔗 Drew He insists on bottom, too.

32:13🔗 Adam How much? Yeah. He's not a top. You know what I mean? Are you gay, William?

32:22🔗 Yeah, sure.

32:24🔗 Adam All right. All right. Because, you know, here's the whole thing about phone screen or Brian. First off, he's an intellectual giant and he's really, really working in a kid's school, intellectually. I mean, he's an Olympic-sized swimming pool of talent in a kiddie pool of retards. And there's going to be stimulating conversation, I can guarantee you that.

32:51🔗 Caller Oh, OK.

32:53🔗 Adam He's a lonely man, as far as I know.

32:56🔗 Caller At least he doesn't live alone with his mother.

33:00🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. He's wondering when that was going to happen.

33:04🔗 Caller Hey, watch it, buddy.

33:05🔗 Drew Hey, William, by the way, from Paramount.

33:07🔗 Adam Yeah. This kid plays his cards right. He can get some action tonight. Yeah. And let me tell you this, by the way. You make fun of engineer Chris just because he lives at home and he's 27, but, oh, I kind of ran out of steam. Maybe it should.

33:22🔗 Drew All right.

33:23🔗 Adam Thanks for the proposition. My only complaint about phone screener Brian is I don't get to see him enough. I love that kid. You know what I'm saying?

33:34🔗 Drew Yeah.

33:34🔗 Adam Great guy. Great guy. All right, Drew, stop writing. What are you writing?

33:38🔗 Drew I'm giving you lots of city names here.

33:39🔗 Adam Oh, OK. You ready to talk to someone else? Stephanie? Let's talk to Stephanie, 14. Stephanie?

33:47🔗 Caller Yeah?

33:48🔗 Adam What's up?

33:51🔗 Caller I'm 14 and I'm bisexual. I like this girl and I've known her for about a year and I've liked her since I've known her. And OK, I've asked her out a couple of times and she said no, all of them.

34:10🔗 Adam All the times.

34:11🔗 Caller What?

34:12🔗 Adam Yeah. What happened? Anything happened to you? Molested? Physically abused?

34:18🔗 Caller Not that I know of.

34:19🔗 Adam Where's your daddy?

34:20🔗 Caller He's at work.

34:22🔗 Adam He's at work?

34:23🔗 Yeah.

34:24🔗 Caller He works third shift.

34:25🔗 Adam Third shift.

34:27🔗 Yeah.

34:27🔗 Adam Because you're calling from Maryland.

34:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:31🔗 Adam It's got to be like five in the morning in Maryland.

34:34🔗 Caller It's 1.40.

34:35🔗 Drew What does he do?

34:37🔗 Caller He works at a printing company.

34:39🔗 Adam Oh, that is just bad times.

34:42🔗 Drew Yeah.

34:43🔗 Adam That third shift. Yeah. And people are like, hey, these guys are salt of the earth. But it's, no, these guys are losers. People that start the job at 8 o'clock make fun of you, people. Think about that.

34:57🔗 Caller Yeah, well, he gets paid more.

34:59🔗 Adam Oh, he does?

35:00🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:01🔗 Adam Oh, wait a minute.

35:02🔗 Drew Combat pay.

35:03🔗 Adam Well, we start our job at 10. I didn't think about that. I got to think before I start mouthing.

35:08🔗 Drew Good point.

35:09🔗 Adam All right. So anyway, Stephanie, your dad's a good guy. No one molested you. You're never physically or sexually abused. And you just buy...

35:21🔗 Drew Is that a definite no?

35:22🔗 Caller I don't know.

35:25🔗 Adam You don't know or you weren't? You weren't. You sound depressed. You sound depressed. I don't know why you sound depressed. Well, you don't sound happy, I guess is what I'm saying.

35:42🔗 Drew I'm not clear on what the question was.

35:46🔗 Caller Should I like just forget about her or should I just like try to like impress her?

35:52🔗 Drew Do you know that she's a lesbian? No. She has said no. Don't beat yourself up. Go on to somebody who actually does want to be with you. This is this is the advice we would give to any male or female asking any respective male or female, whatever the combo is. Don't don't listen. People tell you no. You become a stalker at the fourth time.

36:13🔗 Adam Yeah. Look, if they're not interested, they're not interested. And the more you ask, the less interested they get. They get rid of it out. This is another one of those things that TV and movies have sort of perpetuated, which is every love story starts off with the guy hating the girl or the girl hating the guy.

36:33🔗 Drew Or somebody wins them over.

36:34🔗 Adam They're always won over at some point. That rarely happens. I'll go as far as to say never happens. Here's when it happens. It happens.

36:48🔗 Drew Stockholm Syndrome.

36:49🔗 Adam Well, here's what happens. Here's a few scenarios in which it happens. Dick craps out a few kids, has a couple divorces, gets a few stretch marks and a couple of tats, puts on a couple of pounds.

37:01🔗 Drew He's a life saver.

37:02🔗 Adam And down the road, Mr. Nerd Guy, who wasn't looking so good when she was 19 and in her prime, now that she's 33 and her boobs got a little angle to the dangle and a couple of stretch marks around the ass, and this guy's got a steady gig, now it's not looking so bad. Basically, what happened with that, now that's what happened is, I'm a new sports car. You can't afford me. Now that I've been passed around a couple owners, got a few miles and a rebuilt transmission on me, and I've been hit in the rear end a few times, now I think you can afford to drive me. But be prepared. I will burn some oil and break down.

37:41🔗 Drew So that's one scenario.

37:42🔗 Adam That's number one, which just goes down. The other scenario is exactly the same. It's rarely, are there two scenarios? There's two scenarios, but they're both the same. Actually there's three.

37:53🔗 Drew But all three of them.

37:54🔗 Adam All three are the same. No, the other one is somehow the chick finds out something about you that you didn't know, such as you own a sports franchise or something. Once in a while this happens where it's like you ask the chick out and it's like, hey, you know, you come over the table.

38:11🔗 Drew And here's how that happens. Here's how that happens.

38:12🔗 Adam Her friends clue her in and say, are you kidding me?

38:15🔗 Drew And she hears her friends talking about the guy.

38:17🔗 Adam Yeah, that guy owns the Phoenix Suns. You understand? Or that guy's a brain surgeon or that guy's one of them.

38:23🔗 Drew I don't care. And then they hear eight girls talking about him. That's for me.

38:26🔗 Adam Because it's one of the most successful produced, that guy produced Armageddon and Seinfeld and every action movie and every sitcom that's ever been. Well, yeah, once in a while they get clued into your resume and then the thing changes too.

38:42🔗 Drew Yeah, it has to be with other girls into it.

38:44🔗 Adam Yeah, the other girls have to glue you into it. Yeah, they find out.

38:48🔗 Drew But just if they read the resume in the newspaper, they're like, huh, oh well. As compared to hearing ten other girls cackling about it.

38:58🔗 Adam Now if a guy turns the chick down, it's over. It doesn't matter if he finds out who they are, what they are, what they've done.

39:07🔗 Drew Now Adam, what about, I'm going to get very cynical here.

39:11🔗 Adam She's just close to curing cancer and she has six hymens, all unbroken. I don't care.

39:17🔗 Drew How about there's two different scenarios. What about in the day of makeovers now? Different person walks out.

39:23🔗 Adam You mean like had nose job and a tummy tuck and an old boob job and that kind of thing? From like high school, just had a serious high school reunion kind of thing? It can help, but you know what? I think guys, I think when they see it how it was, I think it gets burned into their psyche a little bit.

39:46🔗 Drew Okay. Then how about guys that sort of come to their senses as the testosterone falls, they're more interested in people doing interesting things.

39:53🔗 Adam Yeah, that's usually they've lost a little hair, put on a few pounds and things have shifted.

40:00🔗 Drew The guy's number has to drop though.

40:02🔗 Adam Testosterone, yeah.

40:03🔗 Drew We can't just be the following testosterone. His number actually has to drop too.

40:06🔗 Adam A little bit, yeah. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

40:13🔗 Dude, you got issues. 1-800-LOVE-191. Oh yeah, it's Loveline!

40:53🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm Ace, that's my good partner over there, Dr. Drew. Hey Dr. Drew, you know what I'm this close to doing? Oh my god, no, don't do it. Chris, he will not do it.

41:01🔗 Drew I swear to God, Chris, you've seen him do it.

41:04🔗 Adam I will drop, drop, drop. All right, we gotta check him. We gotta check him with some weather there. Blah, blah, blah. Weather here, Dr. Drew, we gotta check with him. Pomona, checking in 64, Lahara, Linwood, 64, Found Valley, 64, Irvine, 64, Solvac, 64, Chatsworth, 64, Yucayba, checking in 64 degrees. Redland, 64, Rancho Santa Margarita, 64, Panic, 64, Carstens, New Hall, 64, Corona, checking in 64, Yorba Lin, 64, Redondo Beach, 64, Lake Futura, 64 degrees. Monterey Park, Drew, you wanna guess? 64 degrees. 64 degrees. Point of Vista, 64 degrees. Doughty, 64 degrees, Big Over Verde, 64 degrees, Baltimore Park, 64 degrees, Valencia, 64 degrees, Fontana, checking in 64 degrees, Tahunka, 64, Santa Ana, 64, Covina, 64, Sousa, 64, Irwindale, 64 degrees, Corona, cool, cool, 64, Eagle Rock, checking in 64, Glendor, 64, Rosemead, 64, St. Gabriel, 64, Temple City, all, 64 degrees, 75, 55, 75, checking in in weather traffic, more weather! It's the top of the hour. Because it's checking in.

42:06🔗 Drew I can't wait.

42:07🔗 Adam There's just no way you would know what the temperature would be if you just went outside. There's no way. There's no, Drew, do you ever know?

42:13🔗 Drew Never.

42:14🔗 Adam Do you ever know?

42:15🔗 Drew Not without the reports.

42:16🔗 Adam Like when you're in your car and you're driving.

42:19🔗 Drew And I see it's raining.

42:21🔗 Adam Would you know what was going on outside? Well, would you know the current temperature?

42:25🔗 Drew You only have to listen to the radio.

42:27🔗 Adam Yeah, you gotta, I mean, you do have that thing in your car that digitally tells you what the temperature is.

42:32🔗 Drew Oh yeah, you mean it's in every effing car on the road?

42:35🔗 Adam Yeah, that thing, yeah, that might tell you. That might tell you, but you may be in, let's say, Irvine and you wouldn't know what it was in Rancho Santa Margarita.

42:46🔗 Drew Never, never.

42:47🔗 Adam Or New Hall.

42:47🔗 Drew Tornadoes. Or Carson.

42:49🔗 Adam Yeah, there could be, you could be in Linwood and in La Habra, there could be a twister touching down.

42:55🔗 Drew You know, it's only, what is about weather that makes people sort of retarded? The only thing that bothers me more about than the weather being announced every 10 minutes on the radio is the wind directions when I'm listening to my pilot talk to the passengers on the airplane.

43:09🔗 Adam Yeah, it's coming at seven, seven and a half knots on the north or five square, currently.

43:13🔗 Drew Currently at the LAX, the weather is 60 degrees wind south by southwest, so it's only two knots coming out of the south. They expect the wind change.

43:20🔗 Adam By the way, what's up with the currently, too? It's like, what do we expect? This time yesterday it was, yeah, yeah, currently. Yeah, I know, I know.

43:29🔗 Drew Currently there's a breeze.

43:30🔗 Adam Currently there's a breeze.

43:31🔗 Drew What's that?

43:31🔗 Adam Look, here's the thing, here's the thing, pilots. I don't want to know about anything that's not, if there's hail hitting the plane, go ahead and get on the blower.

43:40🔗 Drew The wind must be very important to them, must be.

43:42🔗 Adam Obviously it's a factor to you. The four knots coming out of the southwest.

43:47🔗 Drew And the offshore breeze expecting by the time we're landing.

43:50🔗 Adam By the way, I fully expect to get off the airplane and feel some air. I just feel like I entered a biodome or something. Yeah, so if I feel, I'm not gonna feel, by the way, it's like I'm not gonna see somebody's hair move and go, wait a minute, there's a three knot wind.

44:07🔗 Drew Why do you tell me this?

44:08🔗 Adam Just go and sock the pilot. Yeah, for sure put a shawl and a scarf on had I known. And do you actually ever get outside? You just walk through the tunnel and then next thing you know, you're at the baggage carousel.

44:20🔗 Drew Then you're in a car.

44:20🔗 Adam All right, that's 64 degrees. Check it in, check it in. Kara? You're 15.

44:32🔗 Caller Yeah, I've been with this guy for a while now and things have been getting pretty serious. But the problem is I may have an STD from this other guy who attacked me a while ago.

44:45🔗 Adam You say attacked you?

44:47🔗 Drew What happened?

44:49🔗 Caller He caught me in the basement by myself.

44:52🔗 Drew How old the guy was this? How old the guy was this?

44:57🔗 Caller He's probably, I don't really know him exactly, so.

45:02🔗 Adam Well, who's basement?

45:05🔗 Caller It was at this activity at a rec center.

45:08🔗 Drew Like it was another kid or was it an adult?

45:11🔗 Caller It was another one of the kids.

45:12🔗 Drew How long ago did this happen?

45:14🔗 Caller Initially two years ago.

45:16🔗 Drew Initially? So it's kept happening?

45:19🔗 Caller I didn't see him for one year, but since then I've been seeing him.

45:24🔗 Drew The guy that raped you?

45:25🔗 Caller Technically, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not quite sure what would count as that. I mean, as far as intercourse, it didn't quite really happen. Like he stuck it in real quick, but then.

45:42🔗 Drew Cara, do you understand our confusion? Well, you're talking about a guy that attacks you and then you said, oh yeah, well I kept having sex with him.

45:49🔗 Adam Well, I guess, did you keep having encounters? And by the way, the new hole, Corona and Yorba Lindahl.

45:55🔗 Drew 64.

45:55🔗 Adam They checked in. Yeah, 64.

45:57🔗 Drew Let's take a break. Cara needs a reload and a long screw in the air.

46:04🔗 Adam OK, we do got to get to traffic because.

46:06🔗 Drew Yeah, that's what I figured. So I thought you might want to just.

46:09🔗 Adam It is slow and go in the 405, and you got to look out for brake lights.

46:12🔗 Drew So far. In the fourth.

46:14🔗 Adam Yeah, there's a mattress in lines, in lines. All right, we'll figure out what's going on with Cara. Nothing good, but we'll hopefully fix it. And again, there's going to be more weather. You're going to need that weather. We'll get to that after this.

46:51🔗 This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

47:32🔗 Adam That's growing right over there, right now. 755.55 Pacific clock, five way up to the top of the hour. Checking in with traffic, we got news, we got weather, we got traffic, we got news, we got weather, we got traffic, weather, news, news, traffic, weather all coming up. First, we gotta get to the weather, Drew. Drew, we gotta get to the weather, so just settle in. St. Demas checking in at 65 degrees. 65 over in Lawndale, Laverne checking in at 65, Hacienda Heights, 65 degrees, Linwood, 65, La Havre, 65, Pomona, 65, Irvine, 65, Fountain Valley, 65, Fuselva, Salvangas, 65, Chatsworth, 65, Yucca, 65 degrees, Redland, 65 degrees, Rancho, Santa Margarita, checking in, 65 degrees, Panning, Carson area, checking in a combined 130 degrees, but if you break them apart, 65 degrees apiece, New Hall, checking in at 65, Corona, 65, Chili, 65, New York, Belinda, Redondo Beach, 65, Lake Viterra, 65, Corona, 65, Eagle Rock, 65, Glendale, 65, Roadspeed, 65 degrees, San Gabriel, 65, Temple City, checking in, 65 degrees, Azusa, 65 degrees, Irvendale, 65, Covina, 65, Santa Ana, 65, Tunga, 65, Fontana, 65, Baldwin Park, 65, Veronica, 65, Valencia, 65, Monterey Park, 65, Buena Vista, 65, Downey, and Pico Rivera, oh, and San Fernando, checking in. Oh, oh, and just now, Yorba Linda checking in at 65. Just got this late update. There, oh, North Hollywood, my hometown, just calling in. They're checking in. They're coming in at 65 degrees, too, Drew. All right, so straight 65 across the board there. All North America, 65 degrees. All right, we're gonna be checking in with more weather, more traffic coming up top of the hour. What do you say, Drew?

49:10🔗 Drew Let's go.

49:11🔗 Adam All right, you guys will leave the house now?

49:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

49:14🔗 Adam All right.

49:15🔗 Drew I need to know the direction of the wind, though, before we get out.

49:21🔗 Adam It's three knots coming out south southwest.

49:23🔗 Drew Right now.

49:24🔗 Adam Yeah, right now, Sloan-Going Lanes, traffic. Oh, I got a weather report here, Drew. One year ago today, one year ago today, Drew. What do you think it was in San Dimas?

49:35🔗 Drew 65 degrees.

49:36🔗 Adam 65 degrees, Laverne, 63. One year ago today, Laverne, this is 2003, 2003. Same date, 2003.

49:43🔗 Drew Oh, it says here, records set in 1888.

49:45🔗 Adam Haasian Heights.

49:46🔗 Drew 68 degrees.

49:46🔗 Adam 65 degrees, Linwood, 65. One year ago, La Harbour, 65. Pomona, one year ago, 65. One year ago, Irvine, 65 degrees. Fountain Valley, one year ago, 65 degrees. Uh-huh. You know, hey buddy, I got a crystal ball. You know what it's gonna be in 2005? One year from now?

50:00🔗 Drew No.

50:01🔗 Adam La Harbour, check it in, 65 degrees. Shatworth, 65.

50:04🔗 Drew You are clairvoyant.

50:05🔗 Adam 65. We're gonna be more weather, top of the hour. Five minutes away from the top of the hour. Right at the top of the hour. Weather and traffic, traffic and weather. Traffic and weather, weather and traffic. Top of the hour. Top of the hour, Kara. Top of the hour.

50:18🔗 Drew Kara.

50:19🔗 Adam We're gonna be checking in. Hey, here's the thing, there's some A-hole that you don't wanna hear from. We're gonna be checking in with him at the top of the hour. You know the A-hole that we checked in with six minutes ago? Checking in with the same asshole. Top of the hour. Top of the hour, we're checking in with him. He'll be checking in. He'll be telling us about weather and stuff. Yeah, the guy with no personality, yeah, we'll be checking in with him. Yeah, the guy you guys don't like, we're checking in with him. We'll be checking in. A lot of checking in. Checking in. Irvine's checking in. Everyone's checking in. We'll be checking in top of the hour. Everyone's checking in.

50:48🔗 Drew You were attacked by some guy two years ago?

50:52🔗 Caller Yes. Right? And when I said seeing him, I didn't mean as in dating. I meant I would run into him sometimes and he would continue to harass and threaten me.

51:03🔗 Drew And why didn't you tell somebody?

51:07🔗 Caller I told one of my friends.

51:08🔗 Drew No, no, why didn't you tell an adult?

51:12🔗 Caller Well, actually, I didn't really tell an adult. I told one of my friends who went to my parents. They didn't tell him everything, but they know.

51:21🔗 Drew Why didn't you tell an adult?

51:22🔗 Caller I don't know, I didn't.

51:26🔗 Drew So that, to me, believes, that suggests that you've been a victim before this. So were you physically abused or something growing up?

51:33🔗 Caller No.

51:34🔗 Drew What?

51:35🔗 Caller No.

51:36🔗 Drew Well, how did you, how did you?

51:38🔗 Adam All right, okay, let's reset here, and again, we got to get to it because at the top of the hour we're going to be checking in with a guy we don't want to talk to. But you were physically or sexually assaulted at a rec center.

51:55🔗 Drew At the age of 13.

51:56🔗 Adam Which I know is short for recreation, but rec center doesn't sound like a great place. You were in the basement of this rec center, some community center. There was nobody around. There was no supervision. This guy who was about your age, who frequented the rec center, essentially raped you in the basement of this establishment.

52:20🔗 Drew And has harassed you since, and you didn't tell anybody except a friend who eventually told your parents. Is that about to summarize it?

52:28🔗 Caller Yeah. He was one of the older kids there, and by now was probably about 18 or 20.

52:37🔗 Drew All right. So he was 15, you were 13 or 16 or something. But the point is you were raped, you didn't tell anybody. And that suggests you didn't fight it off, you didn't call the police. You didn't call the police. And so usually that means that you sort of think of yourself as a victim.

52:53🔗 Adam Well, I don't understand the part where you're in a public place and you scream for help and they're going to be supervisors. Aren't there tons of people playing caroms? Isn't it nonstop carom playing at those? It's all they do is play caroms there, Drew. Is there a carom tournament nearby where someone could hear your screaming?

53:12🔗 Caller No, it was pretty far in the basement by that time. Everyone was in the higher levels, but I came back down because I left my bag.

53:22🔗 Adam Well, I think you've definitely got to get some counseling for this. And there's something that makes us nervous. And I'm putting her on hold because the goddamn phones just keep cutting in and out, and I know you people at home can't hear this, but we can't hear the caller.

53:36🔗 Drew But I've got to find out from her what STD could she be harboring for two years.

53:40🔗 Adam Well, then you've got to fly to Ohio, Drew, because it's not going to be possible to do over the phone. And plus, I've got some more cities checking in.

53:49🔗 Drew Kara? What sexually transmitted disease are you concerned you've been harboring for a couple of years that has not been identified? If you had a pelvic exam?

54:01🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm waiting on the results.

54:04🔗 Drew And you just recently had your first pelvic exam?

54:07🔗 Caller Mm-hmm.

54:08🔗 Drew Is that right?

54:09🔗 Caller Yes.

54:10🔗 Drew The doctors say you look like you had an infection?

54:12🔗 Caller They said that I could possibly have that.

54:14🔗 Drew Yes, of course you could possibly. Yes, of course you could. And you told them what happened, of course?

54:18🔗 Caller Yes.

54:19🔗 Drew Yes, of course you can harbor chlamydia for a long time. But they might see evidence of it. Did they suggest that there was anything going on?

54:25🔗 Caller Not that they said anything.

54:29🔗 Drew Okay. So you're planning to have sex immediately with your boyfriend? Before that, it takes two days to get it, you know, some of it faster than that. The chlamydia results will be back tomorrow, right?

54:41🔗 Adam All right. Listen, go to, everyone go to counseling. The phone, I know you guys can't hear it at home. I know it sounds ridiculous that a national radio show would have a phone problem where only the host couldn't hear the answer of the guest or the people that were calling the show. But we're going on month number 14 of this. And evidently, there's nothing we can do about it. On a happier note, I can tell you that San Dimas has checked in 65 degrees.

55:10🔗 Drew Oh, what? Not 64?

55:12🔗 Adam No, they've checked in at 65. Also Lawndale and Laverne have checked in at 65.

55:17🔗 Drew The whole world has shifted on that.

55:19🔗 Adam So we're going to keep everyone. And again, at the top of the hour, we've got news, we've got weather, we've got traffic. There's going to be more of that. Okay. Should we speak to Rob?

55:30🔗 Drew Let's just wrap up, KROQ. The deal is, yes, good thing you're taking care of your biological health. Yes, you need to perhaps marry. Yes, you need to be seen regularly if you're sexually active. You're 15. You're, I guess, preparing to have sex with your current boyfriend. I'm not sure that's a great idea, given that you're just recovering from a rape and you had no treatment for that. That needs to be addressed. Then, with your therapist, kind of think about when you want to begin getting sexually active, if at all, with your current boyfriend.

55:53🔗 Adam Do kids still play carroms?

55:56🔗 Drew No.

55:57🔗 Adam They don't play carroms anymore?

55:58🔗 Drew That thing with the little ball with a plastic rim around it?

56:01🔗 Adam Carrom is basically pool for people that have no money, no space, and no self-esteem. It's the rec center game. It's like a square piece of plywood the size of a folding table, like a poker table. It has pockets in four corners.

56:25🔗 Drew But isn't a carrom a little...

56:26🔗 Adam A carrom is a little wooden sort of checker, almost.

56:32🔗 Drew I thought there was a little ball in the middle.

56:34🔗 Adam No, no. There's a hole in the middle with a little hump that you have to... Chris, carrom, have you ever... Nope.

56:42🔗 Drew Never heard of it?

56:45🔗 Adam Never heard of carrom?

56:46🔗 Drew Never heard of something carrom-ing off of something?

56:51🔗 Adam Shut your mic and hold your ears.

56:52🔗 Drew I guess you're careening off nowadays.

56:53🔗 Adam Shut your mic and hold your ears for a second. It's tough around here to try to get a gauge because we'll go like... You heard of the movie Pepe on, have you ever seen it?

57:07🔗 Drew No.

57:07🔗 Adam Have you heard of the movie Carrom? No. Have you ever heard of something called a wheel? No. How about President Reagan? Have you heard about Reagan?

57:20🔗 Drew Bright red.

57:21🔗 Adam No, can't say it.

57:22🔗 Drew You need to witness this.

57:23🔗 Adam Look, look. There's something... Don't listen. Cover your ears. Cover your ears. This is what I'm saying. This is the problem with the radio. There's something called fire. Have you ever heard of it? No, I don't know. So then it's hard to tell whether to gauge. At first you think, well, maybe only I've heard of Carroms but then you realize quickly... There's a global problem. Yeah, when you realize... Have you ever experienced something called gravity? No, never. Have you been on an airplane? What was that word?

57:52🔗 Drew What's the wind when you land?

57:53🔗 Adam That's what I'm saying. No, Chris, I don't mean to embarrass you but here's the thing about Carroms. You have to have bad parents in order to know what Carroms are because you have to spend time after school killing time. Carroms are a game. Carrom is what you do when you got an hour to kill but you don't want to do anything that's too entertaining. Don't get the kids all beat up playing something exciting. Just have them cool down, play some Carroms. Folks will pick them up when they get off of work. Drew, you grew up. Did you have Carroms when you were growing up? Also, here's how you would set up a Carrom table. You would turn a trash can over and set it on top of the trash can. Yeah, all right. Now I'm obsessed. Do people, does anyone under 25 know what Carroms are?

58:44🔗 Drew Probably not.

58:45🔗 Adam No?

58:46🔗 Drew Why should they?

58:47🔗 Adam I don't know. I'm thinking about suing the people that made, forced me to play that horrible game.

58:52🔗 Drew It could be a source of, a significant source of trauma in my life.

58:54🔗 Adam All right, never did. Let's say, Chris, your parents love you. You had places to go.

58:59🔗 Drew Right, right. Now we're home.

59:03🔗 Adam Now let's, now Tony's a female. She's not gonna hear Carroms. Should we ask, now Rob?

59:09🔗 Drew Sure.

59:09🔗 Adam Rob is 17. You think Rob knows Carroms, huh? Kyle?

59:14🔗 Drew No, no, Rob's better.

59:15🔗 Adam Okay, should we ask Rob? Okay, plus Rob's been on hold for like three days. Rob? Have you heard of the game Carroms?

59:24🔗 I have never heard of that game.

59:26🔗 Adam You've never played that game?

59:28🔗 Nope.

59:29🔗 Drew You had a quick question, we'll help him.

59:31🔗 Adam That's a good thing. It means, again, it means you had something to do after school.

59:36🔗 Drew What's your question?

59:38🔗 I have man boobs and I was wondering what, if anything, I could do about it.

59:43🔗 Drew Are you overweight? No. How much do you weigh?

59:47🔗 I weigh about 155.

59:48🔗 Drew And you don't smoke pot?

59:50🔗 No.

59:51🔗 Drew And no medication?

59:53🔗 No.

59:54🔗 Drew Well, the plastic surgery procedures.

59:56🔗 Adam It's not gonna do it anyway.

59:57🔗 Drew Relax. Their plastic surgery procedures can remove these. You're 17, they should be going away by now.

1:00:02🔗 Caller That's right, and it's kind of a genetic thing. My father had it, my brother had it, but they went away by the time they probably went to high school.

1:00:10🔗 Drew You kept them. Yeah, you might wanna see a plastic surgeon. There are surgeons that will do the procedure, remove the breast tissue from behind the man boob, as it were.

1:00:19🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:00:20🔗 Caller Would that be expensive?

1:00:21🔗 Drew That's, I don't know, but that's really the only thing I know of that can correct this.

1:00:25🔗 Adam I can't put a number to it, but we've had plastic surgeons in here, and it's one of your cheaper procedures.

1:00:33🔗 Drew Sometimes they do just liposuction, sometimes they take the tissue out, or sometimes both.

1:00:38🔗 Adam Yeah, and here's the thing, folks. Diets, enemas, exercises, nothing. If you've got man boobs, you've got man boobs, and it's going to take a surgeon to make that right, especially if you don't have any extra weight on you.

1:00:52🔗 Drew 155.

1:00:53🔗 Adam That's just a tough genetic hand, and if you have it, don't live with it. Go consult the-

1:00:59🔗 Drew Right, so simple.

1:01:00🔗 Adam Yeah, and I don't know if HMOs or anything would cover something like that. I really, and I know they don't cover cosmetic surgery, but man, one could argue that there could be some pretty deep, am I boring you, Drew?

1:01:15🔗 Drew Yes, just your voice.

1:01:17🔗 Adam There could be some pretty deep psychological wounds from a guy in high school who basically needed a training bra.

1:01:24🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:01:25🔗 Adam All right. Now I'm become obsessed with carroms.

1:01:31🔗 Drew Okay, we'll take it through all the calls and see if any of them hurt.

1:01:34🔗 Adam Yeah, but now we have chicks, and chicks are famous for never hearing of anything. How does that work, by the way, where women just never hear of anything?

1:01:42🔗 Drew Let's ask if they know what their dad did.

1:01:44🔗 Adam I dated a chick once during the height of, remember Zima? Yeah. And they were doing-

1:01:50🔗 Drew Zima the beer?

1:01:51🔗 Adam Zima the malt, yeah, it's called like a malt beverage or something. And this is when they had the Zima guy, once they'd stand up with, he wore like a curly-haired little guy, wore like a little cap, and when Zima came out about 12, 13 years ago, it came out like on all cylinders, like it was a Zima title, like we must have been, it must have been a year into that, two years into that, I brought up Zima, she's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I said, listen, we will drive down the street, we'll pass 10 Zima billboards, you know, every magazine, every commercial, Zima this and Zima, no idea what I'm, and it's at that, she was a hot-looking chick, so I put up with it. But it's at that point, I realized, that women never heard of anything. This is why they never know what you're talking about. They only know what their friends have done. That's what they know. They know what you don't care about. They know about how their friends have effed up, who they've slept with, how they've slipped up, what they did, how they got off their diet. They know all the dirt on their friends, but their brain is so filled with that dirt on their friends that there's no room in it for anything else that's going on culturally. So they have no, this is why, but they have no idea who fought and went to World War II.

1:03:02🔗 Drew Oh, remember the experts calling us?

1:03:03🔗 Adam They have no idea.

1:03:06🔗 Drew Who are the Axis powers? How dare you?

1:03:09🔗 Adam Listen.

1:03:09🔗 Drew Let's talk about the Battle of the Bulge.

1:03:11🔗 Adam Yeah. All right, so now I'm going to talk to Tony, who's a female, who might be Tani. Tony? No, it's Tony. Tony?

1:03:23🔗 Hello?

1:03:25🔗 Adam Tony?

1:03:25🔗 Hello?

1:03:26🔗 Adam You're 20? Have you ever heard of Carams?

1:03:30🔗 Caller Yes, I have.

1:03:32🔗 Adam You have?

1:03:33🔗 Caller Yes, I used to play that in a recreation center in elementary school. Yes, finally. Finally, someone under 25 knows what Carams is.

1:03:42🔗 Adam I stand corrected.

1:03:44🔗 Drew Well, no, you said...

1:03:45🔗 Adam I said females don't know anything.

1:03:47🔗 Drew But you also said that you had to have had a crappy parent.

1:03:50🔗 Adam You had to have bad parents, yeah, who left you, who'd basically, you're what we call latchkey kids. They had to just dump you. This is, yeah, they had to dump you somewhere after school. This is called warehousing. Just take kids and it's like, look, we don't want to educate them, we don't want to stimulate them, we need some mindless something that doesn't involve any money, that doesn't involve equipment that keeps kids busy for an hour and 45 minutes until the deadbeat dad gets off work at the brewery. That's what caroms are.

1:04:22🔗 Caller Well, actually, the deadbeat dad left us when we were younger, so my mom had to work.

1:04:27🔗 Adam I see.

1:04:27🔗 Drew Well, there you go.

1:04:29🔗 Adam Well, I guess that's how you become a deadbeat dad.

1:04:30🔗 Basically, we were latchkey kids.

1:04:31🔗 Drew Deadbeat dad, so therefore, this question must be about a deadbeat husband or a deadbeat boyfriend. Well, yeah.

1:04:37🔗 Caller It is about my boyfriend. I'm 20 and he's 34.

1:04:40🔗 Drew And he's got to be deadbeat like he was older. Perfect. Got to be deadbeat like your dad.

1:04:45🔗 Caller He's actually in jail right now because of an ex-girlfriend.

1:04:48🔗 Drew Oh, it's her fault. It's her fault. He's not deadbeat. No, no.

1:04:51🔗 Caller I'm not blaming it on her or anything because I really don't know if it's true, if these allegations are true. But he's being charged with burglary, burglarizing her car.

1:05:02🔗 Drew He just went back to get his baseball mitt.

1:05:05🔗 Caller Well, stalking her and making terrorist threats. And I was wondering on a preliminary hearing, what is the statute of limitations? Is it like 10 days?

1:05:15🔗 Adam Yeah, it's 10 days. No, it's 9 days.

1:05:19🔗 Caller It's 9 days?

1:05:20🔗 Adam What the hell? First off, who am I? Judge Wapner?

1:05:24🔗 Caller I'm sorry.

1:05:27🔗 Adam Statute of limitations on breaking into a vehicle?

1:05:30🔗 Caller Okay, but we don't know if it's true. They're allegations.

1:05:34🔗 Drew Tony, here's how I know it's true. You have a deadbeat dad. You have a deadbeat boyfriend.

1:05:38🔗 Adam And you played caroms. It's gotta be true.

1:05:40🔗 Drew Played caroms. Of course it's true.

1:05:42🔗 Adam What's in it for her to accuse you of things? What does she say he did? Broke into her car?

1:05:51🔗 Caller Broke into her car and took an address book. How stupid is that?

1:05:58🔗 Adam And these guys were having some sort of nasty breakup or something at the time?

1:06:02🔗 Caller Yeah, actually, he found out that she was cheating on him and he broke up with her and now it came to this.

1:06:12🔗 Drew That he was stalking her.

1:06:14🔗 Adam Well, he did something.

1:06:16🔗 Caller I don't think he was stalking her.

1:06:18🔗 Adam Well, okay, see, I always like the motivation. He finds out that she is cheating so he splits and then she accuses him of breaking into the car.

1:06:33🔗 Drew Right, or he is angry and he is stalking and he is doing things that guys routinely do in these kinds of situations when they are a-holes.

1:06:41🔗 Adam Yeah, when somebody, yeah, by the way, the person who gets caught cheating doesn't go vandalize the other person's car.

1:06:50🔗 Drew No, no, she is alleging that the girl set up some sort of vandalism to entrap him.

1:06:56🔗 Adam To pay him back for cheating on him?

1:06:58🔗 Drew To bring him back in because he split because she cheated. Oh, come on.

1:07:02🔗 Caller Tony, what planet are you on?

1:07:05🔗 Drew Tony, what planet are you living on?

1:07:07🔗 Adam By the way, here is the other one too. Here is the other one. God bless you crazy broads too. It is a real white trash move.

1:07:13🔗 Caller Oh, I am not white.

1:07:15🔗 Adam What are you?

1:07:16🔗 Caller I am Hispanic.

1:07:18🔗 Adam Oh, well, then this is average. This is a status quo for that.

1:07:23🔗 Caller No, but she doesn't live in the greatest place. She lives in shittier.

1:07:26🔗 Adam Oh, I think that was wittier with a, it started with an S-H, but hold on a second, it can't cuss even if it is creative on the phone. Here is the thing. Okay, I don't know what that is. Here is what I am trying to say. Okay, you women who date these guys who dated psycho bitches, what do you think is up with the dude? You know, here is how it goes all the time. It is like, his last girlfriend was an abusive mother, was a pill popper, was a meth head, was a criminal, was a psychopath, was an alcoholic. Yeah, your guy had two kids with her and was with her for seven years. What does that say about him, you idiot? Of course, he is a jack-off. Why would he be with her? Of course, he is a mess. He is probably worse than she is. I love the idea that we are just going to beat the crap out of her. Oh, yeah, he is Sir Walter Raleigh. Yeah, he is a genius. Oh, he is the world's greatest father. He is a great husband. He is a great father.

1:08:35🔗 Drew Did you see Henry Kissinger's first wife?

1:08:38🔗 Adam Yeah. Who are you kidding? You have got to be delusional. Believe me, all the horrible things you say about her, you are just saying about what an idiot he is for being with her. I love that you are rushing to his defense by saying what a horrible person his ex was. That just makes him an idiot, Tony. You understand? All right, now he is in jail. You are in the middle of trauma. Your dad was a deadbeat dad, forced you to play carroms, which I am now realizing causes brain damage. Yes, you can. I am putting together a class action lawsuit against the company in Ohio that made the carrom boards. We are going to clean them up.

1:09:22🔗 Drew Get Milton Bradley.

1:09:23🔗 Adam Yeah, Milton Bradley. All right, listen, Tony, is the guy going to jail? Is he in jail?

1:09:34🔗 Drew And people are only put in jail for spurious, spurious activations.

1:09:36🔗 Adam He is in jail because he used a coat hanger to break into a chevette or because he had a whole bunch of priors.

1:09:41🔗 Caller No, because you know what? He had a court date on Friday.

1:09:47🔗 Adam All right, look, listen to me. Do you have any kids with this retard?

1:09:53🔗 Caller He doesn't have any kids either.

1:09:54🔗 Adam By the way, that means his sperm is bad.

1:09:59🔗 Caller Well, I don't want to have kids anyways.

1:10:02🔗 Adam Okay, look, he's in the joint. Leave him alone. You're 20 years old. You want to get messed up with this thing? Come on, baby doll. You deserve better than this. You're not stupid. I can hear it in your voice.

1:10:16🔗 Drew Put it on hold. I'm upset about something myself now. You remember that ticket I got?

1:10:19🔗 Adam All right, hold on a second. Hold on a second.

1:10:21🔗 Drew She's heard you.

1:10:21🔗 Adam All right, Tony, I'm a genius. This guy's an idiot. Listen to me. You deserve better. Thank you.

1:10:29🔗 Drew So I did a declaration by mail.

1:10:31🔗 Adam Drew got a ticket. I know where Drew got his ticket. Drew got a chicken-ass ticket in the city of Los Angeles. It was one of those no left turn between the time of... You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can park if you have this pass, but not during these hours, or there's a street.

1:11:08🔗 Drew You have to get out and stand and read the signs.

1:11:11🔗 Adam There are places in this city, and if you're marginally. You can. Go in there and read this proclamation that is 70 stories high, just on the side of thing. Cars violate access, penal code 5-3, overnight parking, street cleaning on Tuesday. It's like you got to get a calendar and an abacus out to figure out what day you can turn and when you can park. I'm scared to stay in here. Could I be getting a ticket now? Yes, LA is nothing but that.

1:11:56🔗 Drew So I got a ticket going 10 miles an hour. 10 miles an hour, it says on the ticket. As I began this turn thinking, is it 4, is it not? I look up the street, cops standing there. I go, well, I can't stop this turn now. He's going to tell me, excuse me, of a resisting arrest. So I drive up there and the guy's like, whatever, you got a ticket, that's it.

1:12:14🔗 Adam Right. You turn left between 4 and 6 in a street where you couldn't do it.

1:12:18🔗 Drew And the guys are trapping you there. They're waiting for you. And you can't not turn with a cop. It's like walking in the middle of the street. It's like, yes, this is in Hollywood. So I declared it on a written statement. And I went to check on the website. I figured, this is cool. You pay the ticket, of course. You pay the ticket. You pay before they even let you make your declaration.

1:12:39🔗 Adam If you want to fight the ticket, you must pay the ticket first.

1:12:42🔗 Drew It's genius. But as I made my declaration, I'll check the website, see what the status is. Here's your court date.

1:12:52🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. What? Oh, you got to quit your job, Drew. What?

1:12:55🔗 Drew I just...

1:12:56🔗 Adam You want to fight? You want to fight your ticket?

1:12:57🔗 Drew What's the court date for?

1:12:59🔗 Adam Sell the house. You have to quit your job.

1:13:02🔗 Drew I declared under oath.

1:13:04🔗 Adam Right. Oh, you got to show up. Now, here's the thing. You got to give up your life, by the way. Oh, look. We got to take a break, but we got weather in Triana. We'll come back. I'll go and sing. You know I'll go nuts. Right after this. Hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1-Drew. He's beside himself, he's got a ticket, then he was trying to fight the ticket. Tried to do it online, then he's got himself a court date, and Drew's angry. He's fighting man. But he's gonna fight this ticket. And you're gonna show up at court? When's your court date?

1:14:18🔗 Drew August 3rd.

1:14:19🔗 Adam August 3rd. And-

1:14:20🔗 Drew A continuation.

1:14:21🔗 Adam Show up, stand around. Oh, let me explain something about the court, because I've been to the court system over there in the lovely Van Nuys.

1:14:29🔗 Drew Oh no, LA is downtown.

1:14:31🔗 Adam Oh, by the way, Van Nuys checking at 65 degrees. LA checking at 65 degrees too. Everyone, you know how everyone is innocent until proven guilty? Everyone who walks in there is guilty until proven innocent, and has never really proven innocent. When you're in there, they're angry. They don't like the idea that you're there.

1:14:47🔗 Drew The court.

1:14:48🔗 Adam Yeah, the court. Yeah, I was yelled at many times when I was there.

1:14:52🔗 Drew For like, by the court.

1:14:53🔗 Adam Trying to get some information. Yeah, yeah. And it was because my car was totaled out by some drunk driver, and I was trying to get some money back.

1:15:01🔗 Drew Remember that?

1:15:01🔗 Adam Yeah, those checks rolling in. There's no way they can... I could get going on this kind of stuff, and I've gotten going on it in the past. My head will explode. All you need to know is that everybody in Los Angeles that has to do with automobiles, this is tow truck drivers, this is parking, guys who deal with the parking lot guys, the cops, the meter maids, all of them colossal a-holes that just... They're really out there to destroy your life, and their attitudes are worse than poor, I would say. And you guys want to know why everyone hates your guts, because you're god-awful, wretched people who need to kill yourself. Just please kill yourself. If you're within the sound of my voice, you work at a gas station, you drive, you're involved with parking enforcement, one of those cops who sits there with a radar gun, any of those guys, any of those of the A-hole parking attendant guys, just kill yourself. Please, just listen. Here's what I would like. This would be dignity, like Lemmings. Take all those right-hand drive chevettes, you pussies, drive around and head for the sea. Drive for the ocean, like Lemmings. Drive off, head for the Palisades, go right off the cliff, right in the Pacific Ocean. Wouldn't it be just a massage? And by the way, there are millions of them in Los Angeles. Just herds, just by the millions, by the millions of grotesquely overweight people with high school equivalent degrees, just driving right-hand chevettes into the ocean. Wouldn't it be great? It would be utopia, wouldn't it? But please, have some dignity and kill yourself by driving your chevette into the ocean. That's all, that's all I ask for. And as far as my court situation and the guy who destroyed my car 10 years ago and owes me $5,000. Well, we will never know. There's no way they can pay. There's no way, the court told me there's no way they can get the guy to pay and there's no way they can send the money to me. I have to go find that. It's just, look, just rape. Would you please just rape? Please, please, just grab the citizens and just ring them until change comes out of their ass. It's a more dignified way to raise funds. Or just start, I got a better idea. Instead of calling yourself law enforcement, let's just call it fundraisers. It's better. It's a better title. Rapist slash fundraiser. There you go. So, Drew can quit his job so we can fight his chicken ass ticket and it's August what? Because you got to keep us posted.

1:17:44🔗 Drew Oh, I may continue that.

1:17:46🔗 Adam Yeah, it's going to be good.

1:17:48🔗 Drew Yeah, it'll be very satisfying.

1:17:49🔗 Adam How about my lemmings into the sea idea with the parking enforcement thing? Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't it be great? Just, just, and there are millions of them. There's more. I would like to break down, by the way. There's more of them than we have cops. And by the way, we could get crime under control, but we just can't afford to put the guys on the street. There's not enough men on the street. We just can't do it, Drew. We just can't afford it. We just can't afford to put the guys on the street. We just don't have enough manpower. We just don't have enough guys on the street. We can't do it. We don't have enough money. How much, by the way, what are the parking guys? Are they free? Did, what, and I know, I know, they're earners. You see, that's the whole, that's, that's the whole thing. It's like, it's like, well, we, yeah, yeah, the guy, the morbidly obese guy, yeah, we pay him 37 grand a year, and he drives, drives a $14,000 chevette, but he collects millions. Oh yeah, oh, how do we know? Plaque goes, big, big earner every year. Couple of tickets to Hawaii. All right. Drew, I'd love to get to, oh.

1:18:52🔗 Drew Brooke is 19, Brooke?

1:18:55🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:19:03🔗 Drew Okay, whoa. What do you mean by addicted?

1:19:06🔗 Caller He wants to have sex all the time. He's always, always horny.

1:19:11🔗 Drew How old is he?

1:19:12🔗 Caller He's 26.

1:19:14🔗 Drew That doesn't mean he's addicted. That just may mean he's 26.

1:19:17🔗 Caller I'm sorry? Right.

1:19:21🔗 Drew Brooke?

1:19:22🔗 Caller Hello?

1:19:22🔗 Adam It's, see, it's almost impossible to talk to the caller.

1:19:26🔗 Drew But this is an important discussion, though.

1:19:28🔗 Adam Well, Drew, as a man of exquisite passion, especially at 26, your passion was like a flag in a 70 mile an hour wind. Was it 90? It was just, you could hear it from a mile away. Just laughing, afraid at the end. And I don't know, just violent, whipping. That thing where you actually heard it. I mean, that's what your passion sounded like at 26, yes? We actually hear the rope smacking against the metal pole. Ding, ding, ding. Am I right? That's where your passion was. Brooke?

1:20:08🔗 Drew Brooke? What makes you say he's sexually addicted? There's nothing about what you're describing that suggests that. What's that? What makes you say that he said, no, come on, come on. What makes you say that he's sexually addicted? Why do you say that? Sex addiction means he's having sex in situations that create profound consequences, break up relationships, cost lots of money, create legal problems, health problems. That's addiction in the setting of somebody with a family history of addiction. This is just a guy that likes sex a lot, which is the average 26 year old. You sound like somebody who's sort of not in the normal spectrum, though.

1:20:50🔗 Caller Yeah, I don't really like sex at all.

1:20:53🔗 Drew Right, the average 26 year old male will be on his girlfriend every day.

1:20:57🔗 Adam How many times a week would he like sex?

1:21:03🔗 Caller Well, he wants to have sex like six, seven, eight times a day.

1:21:06🔗 Drew A day, oh, so he wants, he actually would do that if you would let him, or he just sort of at you that way?

1:21:14🔗 Caller Well, I don't really like having sex at all, so like.

1:21:17🔗 Drew KROQ, KROQ, answer my question. Is he just sort of, yes.

1:21:20🔗 Adam I don't know, who knows, who cares? Look, break up with him then. Well, look, here's the problem. If you're someone who does not like sex, and you're with somebody who would like to have sex seven or eight times a day, that is too big an obstacle to overcome.

1:21:39🔗 Drew Even if he wants to have it every day, it sounds like that's gonna be too much for you.

1:21:42🔗 Adam Yes, and I'd love to find out whether you were abused, or sexual or physically abused, or he suffered any trauma or anything, or he'd just have no libido.

1:21:53🔗 Caller When I was younger, I was physically verbally and sexually abused by my older sister.

1:21:58🔗 Adam Sexually abused by the older sister.

1:22:01🔗 Drew That's heavy.

1:22:01🔗 Adam Yeah, for how long were you sexually abused by your older sister?

1:22:08🔗 Caller It started, I was probably about five. And then it kept happening until she was about 16. She's seven years older than I am.

1:22:27🔗 Adam Do we have to get on to her age? You started when you were five and stopped when you were how old?

1:22:32🔗 Caller I was about nine, 10, 11 years old.

1:22:35🔗 Drew Five to nine.

1:22:36🔗 Adam Okay, narrowed it down 100%. All right, and what did she do, oral sex?

1:22:44🔗 Caller I mean, I have like very, very, very few childhood memories.

1:22:53🔗 Adam I know... I can't take this goddamn phone system anymore. I hear every effing third word that's coming out of people's mouths. It's a combination between our incoherent callers, and a sort of snafu that's going to send me into an effing epileptic seizure.

1:23:15🔗 Drew Chris, can we do something about this? This is ridiculous. No, no, no. Somebody has to.

1:23:20🔗 Adam We're not going to ever fix this. Producer Ann, we have to do something about these phones. Every third word cuts out, and it doesn't...

1:23:31🔗 Drew Or multiple sentences before we kick in, and then every third word.

1:23:35🔗 Adam Ann, Ann, it's just, by the way, the anticipation of it being cut out. And then, like I said...

1:23:40🔗 Drew Do you hear it the way we hear it, Chris?

1:23:42🔗 Adam If you mix that with our average caller's inability to communicate, you have a recipe for disaster. You were sexually, physically, and verbally abused...

1:23:55🔗 Drew By a sister.

1:23:56🔗 Adam By your sister for a number of years.

1:23:59🔗 Drew That is a bad time. No wonder you have issues about sex.

1:24:03🔗 Adam You want to stay with this guy? Fine. You are going to have to start having sex with him, by the way, and you are going to need some therapy if you come from a family where your sister sexually abused you and God knows what was being done to your sister who decided it was a nice idea to go at her five-year-old sister.

1:24:19🔗 Drew It must have been horrible. I'm sure. But be that as it may, the fact that this caller, Brooke, is attracted to this guy does make him suspect. Maybe he is some sort of addict or at least sexual compulsive and makes me worry about him. She really should be taking time out from relationships and just doing some psychotherapy.

1:24:38🔗 Adam Again, Drew, my idea and a plea to all the tow truck drivers. I'm including them because these guys are colossal, colossal.

1:24:48🔗 Drew Not all of them.

1:24:49🔗 Adam Tow truck drivers?

1:24:50🔗 Drew Not all.

1:24:50🔗 Adam Colossal a-holes. Criminal, slash a-holes, slash retards.

1:24:54🔗 Drew The guy that helped me find my oil cover camp.

1:24:58🔗 Adam Oh, no. No, the guys who work for AAA, that's a little different breed of cat. I'm talking about your average guy who works at the tow yard.

1:25:06🔗 Drew You mean for the impounding stuff.

1:25:07🔗 Adam Yeah, and by the way, the proudest day of my life, and the proudest, and I don't have any children, but I am married. Now, a lot of times guys will do, you know, proudest day of my life, you know, my marriage, the birth, my, no, it was the day I drove off a tow truck. I had a $45,000 leased BMW M3 in full tow position, three and a half feet off the ground, strapped in, guy was trying to drag me, I was in the car with the brake on, dragging me, skid marks, unlashed the thing and drove off the tow truck. It was the greatest day of my life. Nothing will ever surpass that, and that MF'er can kiss my hairy, fat, black ass. You pussy, yeah, wouldn't take a bribe, would you? Now you go home with nothing, you big pussy. Here's the point, if all you tow truck drivers and parking enforcement pussies could just drive into the ocean, it would be a great, great moment. Not only for us, the motorists, but for your family, for your loved ones, some dignity, you know what I mean? I would see that you got a proper burial. Well, if you could all just start speeding for the palisades right now like lemmings and just launch yourself into the Pacific Ocean in the vehicle, in the vehicle, it would be a great day. And again, what are you going home to? A hot plate? No wife giving you the stink eye?

1:26:34🔗 Drew Hey, sweet, hot plate. Let's get a little lightning round going.

1:26:36🔗 Adam Kid doesn't.

1:26:37🔗 Drew Take a break, huh?

1:26:37🔗 Adam You know, some step kid who hates your guts. Hey, do yourselves a favor. Let's drive into the ocean. Would you please? A little dignity? Take a quick break. We'll be right back. Love Line. You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.

1:26:56🔗 Drew That's true, Adam.

1:26:57🔗 Adam It is?

1:26:58🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. I know how to get that attitude, too.

1:27:00🔗 Adam How?

1:27:01🔗 Drew Axe deodorant body spray. Can't lose.

1:27:27🔗 Adam Hey, y'all, it's the Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Forget about that phone number. Oh, we gotta get some calls in the night.

1:27:35🔗 Drew But look, look, there's somebody from North Hollywood who knows what caroms are.

1:27:38🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:27:39🔗 Drew It's carom cap of the world.

1:27:41🔗 Adam Roger? Yes. You played caroms?

1:27:44🔗 Caller Yes, yes, I have.

1:27:45🔗 Drew Roger's 15.

1:27:46🔗 Caller Yes.

1:27:47🔗 Adam All right.

1:27:48🔗 Caller I played them when I was in elementary school, actually.

1:27:50🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:27:51🔗 Caller After school program.

1:27:53🔗 Adam You should kick your dad in the balls. No, no, no, they're not gonna beat that.

1:27:56🔗 Caller Actually, I was hanging out with my friends who had deadbeat dads.

1:27:59🔗 Adam Yeah. That's a tough crowd, that carom crowd. Yeah. They play fast, they play dangerous, and they play loose. Yeah, carom. Is there a game, I really believe carom was a game that was invented to essentially antagonize children. It was not a fun game. I thought it was a fun game. Well, it's fun like when you're in lockdown and you have a ball of foil and you see who can throw it into the garbage can the most times. It's what you do when you're nuts. So you don't go insane, but it's really just you hitting a little wooden flat thing around with a stick. Yeah. All right. But you're 15, you know caroms. That's good. I was just checking on it. Speaking of checking on stuff. We got weather. There's a couple more cities have checked in. I don't know if you're ready.

1:28:54🔗 Drew Are they checking in on us or are we checking in with them?

1:28:58🔗 Adam We check in with them. They check in with us.

1:29:00🔗 Drew Okay.

1:29:01🔗 Adam I'm going to see if I can get through these things. Well Artesia is coming in at 65 degrees, San Dimas at 65, Lawndale at 65, La Verne at 65 degrees, Hacienda Heights, Drew? 64. 65. Linwood at 65, La Harbour at 65, Pomona at 65, Irvine at 65, Cadet at 65, Norco at 65, Artesia at 65, Verde at 65, Cheshire at 65, Salamang at 65, Kaipa at 65, Redland at 65, Rancho at 65, Santa Margarita coming in at 65 degrees, Banning?

1:29:28🔗 Drew 64 degrees.

1:29:28🔗 Adam 65 degrees. What's going on, Stanton? Stanton? Let me check. Stanton over there. Stanton, Stanton, Stanton. Stanton, 65 degrees. Banning? 65. Carr, 65. New Hall, 65. Corona checking in 65. Yorba Linna, Kevin, checking in 65 degrees. Yorba Linna, actually Spanish word meaning 65 degrees. Redondo Beach, 65 degrees. Lake Futera, 65. Corona, 65. Eagle Rock, 65. Glendora, 65. Rosemead, 65. San Gabriel, 65. Temple City, 65. Zoo, 65. Irvendale, 65. Cavita, 65. Santa Ana, 65. Toronto, 65. Fontana, 65. Baldwin Park, checking in 65 degrees. Valencia, 65 degrees. Downey, 65. Pico Rivera, 65 degrees. Buena Vista, 65 degrees. Monterrey Park, coming in at a controversial 65 and San Fernando, coming in at 65 degrees, Dr. Drew. Again, at the top of the hour, we will be checking in with more traffic, more weather, more checking in, and we will be checking in with more a-holes you don't want to talk to.

1:30:25🔗 Drew All right.

1:30:26🔗 Adam We got to get another guy to tell us. Usually there is another guy who tells you what the weather is, you know, checking in with him. He is going to check in. How is it going? Good. Lisa?

1:30:36🔗 Yeah.

1:30:37🔗 Adam Well, let's check in with you.

1:30:40🔗 Well, I think it is about 69 degrees myself.

1:30:43🔗 Adam Yeah, that means you are horny. All right, baby. What is happening, mother?

1:30:53🔗 Oh, nothing.

1:30:55🔗 Adam You got some kitties, do you?

1:30:56🔗 Yeah. Got Pebbles and Bam Bam going on.

1:30:59🔗 Adam I know the sound of them.

1:31:00🔗 Drew Seriously, that is their name?

1:31:02🔗 No, that is not their name. But anyway.

1:31:06🔗 Drew All right.

1:31:08🔗 I do not know. Not much.

1:31:10🔗 Adam All right. So, what is your problem?

1:31:11🔗 Well, I have three nipples. And I am uncomfortable and thinking about getting intimate with somebody, but not wanting to do it because of my third nipple.

1:31:24🔗 Drew Usually, the third one is sort of under the crease of the breast. Is that where it is or?

1:31:28🔗 Yeah, a little higher.

1:31:31🔗 Adam Where is the father of Pebbles and or BamBam?

1:31:35🔗 Well, actually, the father of my children passed away, but.

1:31:39🔗 Drew What happened to him?

1:31:40🔗 Adam Water cycle.

1:31:41🔗 Drugs. Oh, yeah. He was young. And a few years after he passed away, I met somebody and got married and that man that I'm still in love with is in prison, unfortunately.

1:31:54🔗 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you.

1:31:56🔗 Drew A parole violation?

1:31:58🔗 Um, fell on a possession of a firearm. Hmm.

1:32:01🔗 Adam So just. Guy tries to carry a gun for a little protection.

1:32:05🔗 Lock him up.

1:32:06🔗 Adam He's carrying a gun and they locked him up for that?

1:32:09🔗 Um, no, they found ammunition, no gum.

1:32:12🔗 Adam No gun. So they found a couple bullets.

1:32:13🔗 I mean, even ammunition is, was considered bad enough, I guess. Anyway.

1:32:17🔗 Drew Yeah. After you had the manslaughter charges.

1:32:20🔗 Adam So you're telling me, if I pulled over and they found like a cartridge for a nine millimeter and they tried to.

1:32:24🔗 If you had already been convicted of a crime and you're on parole and probation and.

1:32:29🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:32:29🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:32:30🔗 Yeah.

1:32:30🔗 Adam What was he originally convicted of?

1:32:32🔗 Bank robbery.

1:32:33🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Well, there's why. Look at it that way.

1:32:36🔗 Yeah.

1:32:38🔗 Adam And Lisa, boy, I can hear it in your voice, baby. You've seen a lot.

1:32:44🔗 I've been through a lot. If you only knew.

1:32:47🔗 Adam Oh, no, no. The first two syllables came out of your mouth. I knew your mom had been, had the crap beaten out of you for the short 27 years you've been on this planet.

1:32:57🔗 Caller No, I've never been hit.

1:32:58🔗 Adam No, I mean. Emotionally. I mean, life has kicked the ass out of you.

1:33:01🔗 Let's say the least. I mean, I graduated a drug and alcohol program and.

1:33:05🔗 Adam I know it. I know. I know the math sound. I know the cigarette sound. So here's the deal. Your job is to A, not have any more kids. Right.

1:33:14🔗 Drew Focus on these kids. Oh, but I want another one. No. Focus on these kids. Focus on your recovery.

1:33:19🔗 Adam I know. I know you have three nipples, so you want a third kid.

1:33:22🔗 Drew Don't worry about them.

1:33:23🔗 Adam Don't do the nipple math. Oh, man. No. Believe me, you've screwed up these two enough. No more kids. And consult the plastic surgeon if you want.

1:33:30🔗 Drew If you want it off, yeah.

1:33:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:33:31🔗 Drew That's it.

1:33:32🔗 Adam OK. And by the way, the other. Why is this guy going to have a problem with your third nipple? The other two. Mr. Prison, Mr. Dead Guy. Quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:42🔗 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:47🔗 One call is all you need to make.

1:33:48🔗 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Call the Dateline.

1:34:05🔗 Adam Experience the Axe Effect. Well that's the show everybody. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow night, we promise to be here again and do more shows.

1:34:37🔗 Drew We got some good guests coming up.

1:34:38🔗 Adam We got good guests coming up, and we're going to have some weather at the top of the hour. I'll tell you that right now.

1:34:43🔗 Drew Jerry Piven, Mimi Rogers.

1:34:45🔗 Adam All 65 years old. Everything's 65.

1:34:50🔗 Drew All right.

1:34:50🔗 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break, and until next time, I'm Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:59🔗 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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