Tuesday, February 17, 2004

0:54🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:00🔗 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06🔗 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew for certified physician, addiction medicines, blah, blah, blah.

1:14🔗 Drew's tired, boy.

1:15🔗 Drew How'd you know?

1:16🔗 Adam I heard you complaining about it when I came in, but I also knew that you had to get up at 3 a.m. This morning. Although, Drew, Dr. Drew claims to go to bed by 1230.

1:30🔗 Drew 1240.

1:31🔗 Adam He used to claim 1230.

1:34🔗 Drew Yeah, 1240.

1:35🔗 Adam And here was the math that I would do with Dr. Drew, though he stood by his 1230 guns, which is, the show ends at midnight, although not really, because I'm usually yammering until about 1201. 25, 50 seconds. Yeah, I mean, we go a minute and a half to two minutes after midnight every night. Drew lives and has lived a solid, well, with no traffic, and there's not too much at the time we're traveling. What seems to be 20 minutes and change, 22. 22. Normal driver. Well, my dad would still be driving on his first commute, his first night here. He would actually still be on the road. You know, when they settled the west and the wagon trains would leave the east, that's how long it would take for my dad to still be on the road. But Drew drives like a maniac, and rightfully so. He's a doctor. He can get there about 22, 23 minutes. Now I'm still doing that math, which is that puts us about 1225, possibly 1226. But Drew stood by his guns that he is asleep at 1230. How do you have time to beat off?

2:52🔗 Drew Don't do that.

2:54🔗 Adam Floss?

2:55🔗 Drew Don't do that.

2:56🔗 Adam Brush?

2:56🔗 Drew Brush. Brush and number two? We're still drinking coffee all the time.

3:03🔗 Adam Right, right.

3:03🔗 Drew And then dive into bed. And what I told you was, I go out around 12, I don't remember hitting the bed at night. I cannot remember hitting the bed. I'm like, it's crazy, isn't it?

3:14🔗 Adam Oh, lucky.

3:15🔗 Drew Now, well, the reason it's 12.40 now is I let the dogs out at night now. So it's five minutes with the dogs.

3:22🔗 Adam But the fact that at least you can get to bed in the 12s when you got to do these crazy hour things is a plus because.

3:32🔗 Drew Oh yeah, I know, as God is my witness, I rarely, rarely see 12.50. I mean, that would be like something more weird night.

3:40🔗 Adam Now, now I don't see 12.50 because I'm not five o'clock. I'm in the bathroom or I'm pouring myself another glass of wine. But but here's the thing. Yeah, when you got to do these ungodly things, like when we got to, you know, leave for LA. X, catch a seven a.m. flight somewhere and the car's picking you up at five fifteen and stuff. My minimum is two a.m. So I whenever I got to do Stern or something like that, it's two a.m. to three fifteen. Yeah, it's a two a.m. to whatever. That's my jumping off point. And so what? You go to bed at twelve thirty and you get up at four four o'clock or you go to bed at two and you get up at four o'clock. You're still you're still left. You're aft, but it is a hundred percent more sleep almost or seventy five percent. Or depending on how you whack it up, it's a difference between aft and then the penis turning in your a or just a straight effing. I get the turning. I get the barbed penis with the twist twist. But anyway, Drew goes to bed at twelve thirty, twelve forty, twelve forty, twelve forty. Gets up at three fifteen through today.

4:47🔗 Drew The car took me out of there at three twenty, three twenty.

4:50🔗 Adam The car takes him out. And got to do Good Morning America.

4:55🔗 Drew Yeah. So that is the view from the satellite place. So thank God I got to go to New York. But here's the beauty of television. We want you there at four because we think we're going to air it. You know, it's scheduled right now for seven thirty seven. We think we might put it on at seven oh two. Yeah. So seven. So I get there at five minutes to seven or whatever. Quarter to four. Put it right up on. Sitting there. And what do you guys think? Seven o'clock? No. Seven thirty. No. Eight o'clock. Eight fifteen.

5:21🔗 Adam Oh, sure.

5:21🔗 Drew That's sitting there for an hour and a half.

5:23🔗 Adam I know. That's that's all TV is. And the good news is, is you don't remember any of it.

5:27🔗 Drew I know.

5:28🔗 Adam Because it's like one of those phone calls you get in the middle of the night. You can be completely lucid.

5:34🔗 Drew Absolutely.

5:35🔗 Adam It's it's like your phone could ring at four thirty in the morning. You'd pick up the phone. Hello. We sleep and do it. No. Well, what's going on? Listen, I got I hate to bother you, but I got some problems. You could talk somebody through a suicide.

5:48🔗 Yeah.

5:49🔗 Adam You know, divorce, a suicide attempt, drug addiction. Talk for an hour and 50 minutes. Hang the phone up. I wake up next morning. That's some sort of vague recollection. Rick Cole.

5:59🔗 Drew I had a dream.

6:00🔗 Adam I had a dream. I had a dream. You can get up, put makeup on, sit in front of a camera, answer questions, do a whole satellite media tour, get back, go back to bed as the sun's coming up, wake up at 930 in the morning and be like, I wonder what happened. Wait a minute, I'm wearing black socks and there's makeup all over the pillow. I wonder what happened. Maybe maybe I banged a transvestite. What happened? You become like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. You go out of town, you kill people, you come back, there's a little there's flesh under your fingernails. You're not sure. But you know, something bad, something horrible. But you don't feel right.

6:37🔗 Drew You don't feel right.

6:38🔗 Adam That's right. All right. So Drew got up the crack of ass and and went out and did his thing on Good Morning America. And how was that? Good.

6:49🔗 Drew It's good.

6:49🔗 Adam It's good. All right.

6:51🔗 Drew All right.

6:52🔗 Adam Diane, who's that? That's right. It's good people.

6:54🔗 Drew Yeah, good.

6:55🔗 Adam She knows who you are.

6:57🔗 Drew As of today, I guess. Although she actually see me.

6:59🔗 Adam What do you speak on? What they want you for?

7:01🔗 Drew They Mel Gibson did an interview with her on Sunday night or Monday. But that's the other thing about being up. Anyway, that talking about this new movie about Jesus Christ that he made. And he was talking a lot about his addiction. And he was apparently a severe addict. And the specular he was people are speculating that some of this new sort of spiritual preoccupation is the result of his recovery.

7:24🔗 Adam Shocking. Well, that's the other thing, too, when people become addicts, they like to they like to kind of mix it up with a lot of stuff. Like I talked to him. I mean, I heard him. I heard him talking to a dancer or a clip or whatever. They always do this thing. They go, oh, listen, man. I mean, you name it. I'm into it.

7:45🔗 Drugs, coffee, cigarettes, cigarettes, whatever, computer games.

7:50🔗 Adam You know, they always sort of pad it down with three or four. It was really the heroin. That was the real problem. That's the problem. The diet soda, the TiVo, the computer games, the coffee, all things, even cigarettes, all things you could have lived 50 years with. It was really the heroin that we need to focus on. But it's always funny when people sort of package it.

8:16🔗 Drew It's market. It's spinning. They're spinning it.

8:19🔗 Adam Yeah, they're spinning it. But the thing that they're spinning it in a way that's truthful, which ends up being in a way, it's sort of worse. Like no one ever goes, look, I had a problem with speed, a serious problem with speed. They go, hey man, you put it in front of me. I do it. And I was that way with diet. I was that way with cars. I was that way with coffee. I was that way with women. I was a heroin. I was that way with diet soda, you know, the video games, you know, they just sort of stuff it in front of everything.

8:47🔗 Drew And you know. They sort of stop with studying and working.

8:50🔗 Adam Yeah, I know.

8:50🔗 Drew Although sometimes that gets in the way.

8:51🔗 Adam It ends up, you end up thinking, oh, this guy was just a liver of life. He was a passionate, passionate man like Dr. Drew. No, he was a junkie.

9:01🔗 Drew So anyway, it was interesting.

9:02🔗 Adam All right, good time. So you shed a little light on that. Now he's a crazy zealot, religious.

9:07🔗 Drew I know that's true if he is.

9:09🔗 Adam Oh, he's nutty with it. I mean, he doesn't come in a nutty package. Most religious guys have like such a whacked out comb over. It's hard to get past the religious zealotry.

9:20🔗 Drew But I'm not sure he's not a book thumper. You know what I mean? He's not preaching.

9:23🔗 Adam No, but he's telling you, look, my God told me, God makes the bed in the morning for me when I get up, you know?

9:33🔗 Drew You know what that means?

9:35🔗 Adam What?

9:35🔗 Drew It means really severe. He was way down the road.

9:41🔗 Adam Yeah, well, that's when you find your salvation. You gotta bottom out.

9:44🔗 Drew You need that much too.

9:46🔗 Adam You don't find Jesus when you're celebrating after a Super Bowl victory. You gotta bottom out. He's in jail.

9:53🔗 Drew But right.

9:54🔗 Adam He's not at the penthouse at the Ritz-Carlton.

9:56🔗 Drew No, or if he was, he was doing good stuff.

9:58🔗 Adam He is, and maybe doesn't, God needs a publicist, gotta get on that list. All right, so anyway, God bless Mel Gibson.

10:07🔗 Drew He's kind of one of my heroes, so I like him.

10:09🔗 Adam But look, what's going on? I was saying to Kimmel today, you know, you got Schwarzenegger running in California, Mel Gibson has found Jesus Christ. Who's gonna?

10:20🔗 Drew Who's gonna be the screw up?

10:22🔗 Adam No, no, where's the action guys? Where are they? All we got is that damn Vin Diesel. He's not worth anything. Someone's gonna have to step up.

10:31🔗 Drew You're right.

10:31🔗 Adam Van Damme's getting all along in the tooth. God knows Seagal packed on a little weight, ponytail's not looking as good as it used to. You're right. You know what I mean? Like some guy's gonna have to step up. And I don't want the sensitive Ben Affleck type either. Yeah, I want the rock.

10:47🔗 Drew Yeah, so it's gonna be.

10:48🔗 Adam All right. We look forward to that. Jennifer? Laughing time is over. I really just begun with him. Good, Jennifer, you're 21. 21.

10:59🔗 Caller Okay, I'm a lesbian. And I have pretty much known since I was about nine or 10 years old. And I was talking to a friend of mine a few months ago and she told me that something may have happened when I was much younger. Like I may have been sexually abused by my father or something like that. I don't know. Yeah. I don't really remember anything like that happening.

11:27🔗 Adam Well, she was just saying that, quiet. She was just saying that based on the fact that you were a lesbian?

11:33🔗 Caller Yeah. And the fact that I've known since I was so young. And she said that pretty much you can't base an opinion on what your sexuality is when you're that young. So something must have happened to bring her to that point.

11:48🔗 Adam No, no, no.

11:49🔗 Drew That's not true.

11:50🔗 Adam As much as I'd like to go along with that now.

11:52🔗 Drew Yeah, I agree. It's not true.

11:53🔗 Adam Most gay and lesbian folk who weren't the subject of any abuse or anything, just say they felt different when they were nine and 10.

12:01🔗 Drew And some clearly knew there was something, some attraction.

12:04🔗 Caller Well, I mean, I had my first experience with a woman when I was nine.

12:08🔗 Drew Oh, that's sexual abuse. That is what she's talking about.

12:11🔗 Caller Well, I mean, but even before that, I mean, I guess I was just, I was just.

12:18🔗 Drew Then she's right. So that's what I was gonna tell you is you can tell whether there's been some abuse by how you conduct yourself in relationships. If you just are attracted to women and you dated monogamously and you had stable relationships, then okay, that's it. You're just wired that way. But you're having, you're at nine, you find an abusive criminal to act out on you sexually, you know, child abuser.

12:40🔗 Caller It was somebody that was my own age.

12:42🔗 Drew Again, that.

12:43🔗 Caller That I kind of like just experimented with.

12:47🔗 Drew So you went after her?

12:47🔗 Caller No, I would say it was the other way around, but I mean, she was my own age. It wasn't like an adult doing it to me.

12:57🔗 Drew It's, child on child sexual abuse is a very common form of sexual abuse as well. And it occurs when a child has first been abused.

13:03🔗 Adam This is a nice farce.

13:05🔗 Drew Has first been physically or sexually abused by an adult.

13:08🔗 Adam Nothing.

13:08🔗 Drew Oh, that's good.

13:09🔗 Adam Nothing.

13:09🔗 Caller Thank you.

13:10🔗 Drew But then one of you had been sexually abused.

13:13🔗 Adam You always do this, but no way. Sometimes, but not that often.

13:17🔗 Caller It would be like I would go the opposite way.

13:19🔗 Adam Kids go at it all the time.

13:21🔗 Drew Not in overtly, not to.

13:23🔗 Adam Well, you don't know what they were doing. But listen, Jennifer.

13:28🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, but then at the same time it was.

13:32🔗 Adam Is there something weird about talking to Jennifer?

13:35🔗 Drew The cadence.

13:37🔗 Adam Yeah, it's a little.

13:39🔗 Drew She has to, it takes her a second to start.

13:42🔗 Adam Is that what it is?

13:43🔗 Drew You go, well, in any case. Yeah, but.

13:47🔗 Adam Yeah, like you wouldn't want to enter a three-legged race with Jennifer.

13:50🔗 Drew No. Well, I just wouldn't. You wouldn't want to be pushed. You wouldn't want her to be pushing the sled that your coach was using the ball to activate the offense. She'd be the one that would hang back.

14:02🔗 Adam Yeah, that's true. That's yesterday's analogy. Jennifer, listen to me, because I'm going to continuously speak so that we do not run into this problem again. Okay, okay, listen, you are 21, you like women. I agree with Drew that if you are not having chaos in your current relationships, then it is academic. You can go ahead and enjoy your lesbian life, okay? And the fact that you were screwing, yeah, which came first, the chicken or the egg? You were screwing around with the chicken at nine, she was nine, it's much different. If you told me she was 39, we'd go, ho, ho, ho. And if you said that she forced it on you, it might be another thing. But the fact that it was sort of mutual, you're both nine, I don't know all the details of what you guys did, and this does depend on how nasty it got, how graphic, and how sexual it got. If you're comfortable with being a lesbian, fine. Are you able to have a relationship that's consistent?

15:02🔗 Caller No, I mean, I'm definitely terrified of relationships, so.

15:08🔗 Adam That's not a good sign. Have you ever had a girlfriend?

15:12🔗 Caller Not one that was, I mean, I've had, obviously, I've been with one before, but I've never been able to find one that, you know.

15:20🔗 Adam Just say no, just say no.

15:22🔗 Drew Do you have lots of physical pain where doctors can't quite figure out what's going on with you?

15:27🔗 Caller Not really.

15:28🔗 Drew So you're not going to doctors all the time with pain complaints and headaches and abdominal pain?

15:32🔗 Caller No, no, I mean, when I was 12, I had, it happened a few times that my father abused me. And so like I have really bad back problems from that and stuff like that, just from some of the events that occurred and jaw problems. Other than that, I mean, I really don't have any kind of physical problems.

15:50🔗 Adam Back problems from your dad abusing you? Like, did he like blindside you, like a blitzing linebacker when you're at the refrigerator or something?

15:59🔗 Caller No, no, I mean, I was laying on the floor on my stomach and I kind of pushed up with my arms. And so, I mean, I was kind of, you know, I mean, just my legs were all on the floor and everything, but my back was arched up and he basically took my, my head and put it against the back of my heels. So, I mean, my body was going in the exactly opposite position that it should have been. And so, I mean, I have like really bad back problems from that now.

16:26🔗 Adam Okay, hold on, I got to talk to Drew. Okay, this is, all right, she's not, she's not. Bad times and nutty and abuse and all that kind of stuff. All right, Jennifer, therapy, get some therapy.

16:36🔗 Drew Tons of therapy. Really? You're a trauma survivor.

16:41🔗 Adam Just do it, you got to do the therapy. But look, anyone who has back problems under the age of 30, who wasn't on the rodeo circuit or the motocross circuit, go to therapy, or wasn't a horrible construction accident. No, go to mental therapy.

16:57🔗 Drew Well, she nearly affects, you know, a reproduction of a construction accident with the way her dad's twist. But really, here's the deal.

17:05🔗 Adam I mean, listen. I mean, maybe I'm just being an a-hole, but I swear to you, I did everything you could do to myself before the age of 20 and have no back problems. You know, I mean, I played 10 years of football and jammed my head into a million things and effed my back up a thousand times, I'm fine. I mean, kids, I don't know if you can screw up a kid's back at age 12 unless you drop an anvil on him or something, you know what I mean? I'm not saying, I'm not excusing what your dad did. I would bet there's no physical problem with your back.

17:38🔗 Drew It is exactly what I was saying, that she's having what's called somatoform disorder. Her body is the only way she has to tell her tale of woe.

17:47🔗 Adam Drew is right. Go to a therapist, not a physical therapist. Chevelle? You're 17?

17:56🔗 Caller Yeah.

17:58🔗 Drew As if you didn't know, Adam.

18:00🔗 Uh-huh.

18:00🔗 Caller What?

18:02🔗 Uh-huh. What? Oh, whatever. All right, what's up?

18:15🔗 Caller I've called in before and I wanna tell you guys thank you because you guys helped me with some problems.

18:23🔗 Yeah.

18:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

18:24🔗 Drew We probably bet on your voice, I bet.

18:29🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. My question is, a while ago, you guys were talking about fetishes. And like, I have a fetish, I think, and I wanna know like what it's caused by. It's like different fetishes for different things are caused by different things. I have a hand fetish.

18:54🔗 Drew Well, nobody really truly definitively knows what fetishes are from.

18:57🔗 Adam Hand fetish can be too much exposure to sock puppets as a young child, you know?

19:03🔗 Drew Yes, yes.

19:04🔗 Adam People have Fran and all. No?

19:05🔗 Drew No. How dare you?

19:08🔗 Adam How dare you, man? You don't feel you're overexposed to sock puppets growing up, that it was just a sort of normal, healthy amount of sock puppetry that went on? Uh-huh, deprivation.

19:22🔗 Drew Traumatized by the Adams family.

19:24🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, the hand, yeah, the thing, that's right. Hey, Chevelle, so what do you mean? What do you do? You like a guy with nice hands?

19:33🔗 Caller Yeah, it turns me on, I don't know why.

19:37🔗 Drew Well, just that.

19:38🔗 Adam That doesn't mean that you have a fetish.

19:40🔗 Caller I know, but I get horny when I see like nice hands. I just like, ugh, I don't know why.

19:48🔗 Adam Chicks do, by the way, hands and feet. Selling point for women.

19:54🔗 Drew Oh, really? What makes a nice hand, Chevelle?

19:57🔗 Caller I don't know.

19:58🔗 Adam Three Aces, like King Hai or something.

20:00🔗 Caller No, like, I don't know, like Big Knuckles.

20:03🔗 Drew Oh, Adam, that's, you're there.

20:06🔗 Caller I like Big Knuckles, and I don't know why. I just don't know what triggers it.

20:11🔗 Drew Well, again, you've, there's all various theories about why this happens, but basically, it's focusing arousal on symbols or objects as a way of distancing yourself from trauma and feelings that might be activated by the potential of physical intimacy.

20:29🔗 Adam All right, well, Chevelle. How's everything going in your life, beside the hand thing?

20:34🔗 Caller Okay, it's better.

20:36🔗 Adam Are you going to high school?

20:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

20:39🔗 Drew Where do you live?

20:40🔗 Caller In Visalia, like a half hour away from Fresno.

20:43🔗 Drew No, but do you live like in your parents' house or in a boarding care?

20:46🔗 Caller I, well, like before, I called you guys about my parents and stuff. And so afterwards I called social services and they put me into a foster home.

20:57🔗 Adam Nice. All right, and plenty of young hands to look at in that foster home. Now be careful. I don't trust those other kids in the foster home.

21:07🔗 Drew In their hands.

21:10🔗 Adam Yeah, you'd be on the business end of one of those knuckle busters, in a vigorous finger blasting session by some young delinquent. You know what I'm saying?

21:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

21:22🔗 Adam Is there any worse idea than just taking kids who have been physically, sexually abused to the point where they have to be taken away from their abusive parents, taken out of the house, and then just put them all under one big roof together?

21:35🔗 Drew Yeah, what's the logic?

21:36🔗 Adam Let the debauchery begin.

21:38🔗 Drew Antics ensue. It's like a movie here, Adam.

21:41🔗 Adam If we give enough love.

21:42🔗 Drew Get Adam Sandler in love.

21:43🔗 Adam But show them enough love. Once they know they're loved.

21:47🔗 Drew You know, the only time that kind of thing was actually portrayed on film was when Woody Allen, remember that film he did that was a musical, and they bring the criminal into the house, they're reforming him.

21:54🔗 Adam Bullets Over Broadway.

21:55🔗 Drew Bullets Over, and he ends up stealing everything and scaring the women. Show them with love.

22:02🔗 Adam Don't act out. Listen to what everyone older than you has to say unless they want to have sex with you.

22:08🔗 Drew Then don't listen. Then you don't listen.

22:10🔗 Adam So the answer is yes to everyone older than you, except for the sex, and the answer is no.

22:15🔗 Drew In fact.

22:16🔗 Adam Everybody. That's what all.

22:18🔗 Drew That's the Corolla corollary.

22:19🔗 Adam All you guys got to do. All you got to do to stay out of trouble. I don't care if the person is three days older than you. They give you some advice, you listen. Answer no.

22:29🔗 Drew For that matter, the ones that are younger too, no sex. Yes, no, older, no, no, younger.

22:35🔗 Old?

22:35🔗 Adam No, it's maybe.

22:37🔗 Drew Maybe.

22:37🔗 Adam Younger's or maybe?

22:39🔗 Drew You got to take a break.

22:40🔗 Kyle?

22:41🔗 Adam Hey, Adam. Is that Kyle? Yeah, what's happening, Kyle?

22:46🔗 Adam, first I want to say you are my idol. Whatever. Whatever.

22:51🔗 Adam Thanks, buddy. Well, listen. Yeah.

22:54🔗 You should write a book about your life. I would buy it.

22:57🔗 Adam I'm thinking about it.

22:58🔗 Yeah.

22:59🔗 Adam Yeah. One of the things that makes me cool is not writing books. So I go to the symphony. And listen, Kyle, you can watch that Crank Yankers tonight at 10.30 if you think I'm cool. Yeah, Comedy Central.

23:13🔗 Drew Keep the sound down.

23:15🔗 Adam Keep the sound down. Keep this radio show on. Ativo, the Crank Yankers. They've got the new season coming out. You have a Germany or Florida for us, yes?

23:24🔗 Yeah, yeah.

23:25🔗 Adam All right. You give it to us and then we'll take a break. We'll come back and we'll do either Germany or Florida. Go ahead.

23:32🔗 So this guy was skinny dipping in a lake or pond or something. And then his penis got bitten off by a turtle.

23:42🔗 Drew Snapping turtle.

23:43🔗 Adam Snapper. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

23:46🔗 And he wouldn't let the people take him away to the hospital until they found his penis.

23:52🔗 Hold on a second. Hold on.

23:53🔗 Drew Because they're going to erect a statue in this guy's honor.

23:56🔗 Adam Yeah. He has the luck of a Floridian, but the tenacity of a German. It's going to be tough. We'll take a break. And by the way, snapping turtles, one of the freakier animals in God's kingdom, you don't really get much credit for it, but you see those big snapping turtles? You put like a two-inch-dick tree branch in front of its nose, it snaps it right in half.

24:18🔗 Drew Really? They're in Florida, right?

24:21🔗 Adam Take your finger right off.

24:23🔗 They are in Florida.

24:25🔗 Adam Yeah. They might have a few German snapping turtles. We'll get back for the answer to this and many other questions after this.

24:45🔗 Caller Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

24:57🔗 Hey yo, it's Loveline, man. It's Dr. Drew.

25:04🔗 Adam Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

25:10🔗 Drew Nice.

25:10🔗 All right.

25:11🔗 Adam I'm good now, buddy. Let's rock. You want to rock?

25:14🔗 Drew Yeah, let's go. You've got to carry it a little bit, though.

25:15🔗 Adam We need to rock.

25:16🔗 Drew Let's go. Germany or Florida?

25:18🔗 Adam Germany or Florida?

25:18🔗 Drew Snapping Turtle Penis.

25:20🔗 Adam Yes. All right.

25:24🔗 Drew So, the question is, are there snapping turtles in Germany? Who bit?

25:27🔗 Adam Yeah, the guy got his penis bit off by snapping turtle, which I sort of question a little bit.

25:33🔗 Drew Whether that could really happen or?

25:34🔗 Adam Yeah, I just don't think the snapping turtle goes after the dork, but maybe it does. Snaps the penis off, and then he refuses to go to the hospital until they find the penis.

25:45🔗 Drew The penis or the snapping turtle?

25:48🔗 Adam Penis. What's the score to settle with the turtle?

25:51🔗 Drew That's what I was going to say. They got to dissect the turtle? Do you swallow the penis?

25:56🔗 Adam Did they find the turtle in the penis before they went?

25:59🔗 No. No. Lake was, I guess, real murky or something, but I mean, it would be pretty hard to find your penis in a lake once you got bitten off.

26:08🔗 Drew Don't get carried away.

26:10🔗 Adam Yeah, my penis would stick out like a periscope. And then start looking around, spotting that merchant marine ship. All right, SS vagina floating by, got a sinker with a torpedo. Okay, we're going Florida.

26:27🔗 Drew Yeah.

26:28🔗 Adam Yeah, you're right. Yeah, thank you, buddy. Here's the old thing about Germany or Florida, when you start working in indigenous creatures or trees or, you know, if he says something happened in the Everglades, we're not going to ever play Everglades or the Autobahn. That's a tip. That tip is off. Yes. Yeah. And let me say something about the auto goddamn bond for a second, by the way, tonight as I was on the Autobahn. Oh, really?

26:54🔗 Drew That is an I think of it all the time when I'm driving my car. Why couldn't we have something like that here?

26:59🔗 Adam Well, we don't have any Hitler. That's Hitler's highway. Hitler thought of that. Yeah, not all bad. I was a Hitler, not a great guy, not going to defend the man, but came up with the Autobahn concept. So you got to give him a little something. I was just thinking a little something for the Autobahn, some props, it's decided would be a good idea if people go 130 miles an hour. And here's the thing, build the road and they will come, meaning maybe it's not a coincidence that Germany is home of the turbo Porsche.

27:30🔗 Drew You know what I mean?

27:31🔗 Adam We tell people, hey, auto manufacturers, we got a road here, 55, that's the max. We get the chevette. We get cars that barely make it to 55. We get a bunch of crappy Pontiacs. Let's see, look, it doesn't matter, as long as a car can go 56 miles an hour, we're cool. Someone just stick on another hood scoop that doesn't work and a stupid decalf, a firehawk on the roof. Oh, I got it. The Germans over there, they're trying to figure out a way to get a couple more pounds of boost out of the turbocharger. We're trying to figure out a way to put, to polster the outside of the roof. That's really what it is. Our scientists in 1978 are going, how can we get padding on the roof of the car? While they're trying to figure out ways to shave a couple ounces of unsprung weight by going to a forged rim, as opposed to a steel rim. You know what I'm saying? They built the road, and then they built the cars that worked on the road, that exploited the road. Think about that.

28:34🔗 Drew Well, what happened in Italy then? Why do they do it in Italy?

28:37🔗 Adam Because there are no roads. They're passionate Italian people.

28:40🔗 Drew So even without the roads to drive the car.

28:42🔗 Adam Yes. They have great passion, those people.

28:45🔗 Drew Those cars are more about the sound and the look anyway.

28:47🔗 Adam Yeah, although, you know, they do they do go pretty good. But OK, but the point is, is on the Autobahn, less fatalities per million miles traveled than LA or the United States traveling at a much lesser rate of speed. So there again, another great argument for people to pick it up just a little bit tonight. Driving here, sitting on a small street that led on to Wilshire Boulevard. Nothing like they stopped it because like they're going to have a parade the next day or or it was like the marathon route was going through there and there's just there's nothing. I'm just sitting there. And of course, I got this one. This is what always happens to me. I honk through cars.

29:29🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:29🔗 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you something.

29:31🔗 Drew I like that guy.

29:32🔗 Adam Let me tell you what a good what a good NFL linebacker will do. Good NFL linebacker. And you see it with Ray Lewis and Lawrence Taylor and these guys. She's do this. Running back comes through the hole. Fullback is leading through the hole.

29:46🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:46🔗 Adam This guy takes them both out.

29:47🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:48🔗 Adam He doesn't try to slip around the fullback and dodge him and do it. He plows into the fullback so hard it shoves that he takes them both out. That's a mean linebacker. That's how I drive. I use my horn like Ray Lewis uses.

30:01🔗 Drew You're doing a favor to everyone else in line.

30:03🔗 Adam I honk through.

30:04🔗 Drew That's good.

30:04🔗 Adam So I'm sitting there. The light is red. But in California, you can turn right on it. There's no cars anywhere. Everyone's got their blinker on. So they're turning right. And I'm sitting there and there's a hon in front of me and we're not going anywhere. So I get on the horn. Nothing. Then again, now I'm leaning on. I'm just sitting on it. Now, the guy is ahead of me. He's got to be thinking, well, what do you want me to do?

30:26🔗 Drew Yeah.

30:27🔗 Adam This guy's not turned. What I need you to do is honk at the guy is not turning for me.

30:31🔗 Drew Right.

30:31🔗 Adam Although I'm sure with you, with you, the guy in front of me can hear it too, but he must be confused. Why is the guy two cars back honking? I mean, now we just sit there and we sit there and it's a small street that runs into a big street, so it's not going anywhere. They just sit there, sit there. And after honking for, you know, what's, you know, I'm on my fifth good, long lean on the horn and I'm thinking, what do they think I am? Some escaped mental patient or something. Who am I honking at? Like, are they think they're smoke coming from the car or the Chupacabras on the roof tearing into it or something like, I always want to know, like, here's what I want to do. I want to, like, stop time, get out of the car and walk over the window and go, look, excuse me, I'm conducting a social experiment. What is going through your mind right now? What do you think? Do you think, I mean, is it A, this guy's a prick, he's got to pay? B, I'm confused. C, I don't hear anything. D, why, you know, why is he honking? I don't know, you know, and if, if and you're not turning when it's perfectly legal to turn, you must be thinking, well, I can't turn. There's a reason why I'm not, anyway, I just sit there honk and honking and honking and honking and nothing. And then eventually the signal turns and they just turn. Now here's all I'm saying. I want to, I want to citizens arrest. You know what I'm saying? We got to get the word out. We got to get the word out to shake your ass in this goddamn town. Get the word out. The word should get out. That is the word. Enough with these goddamn PSAs about secondhand smoke. Enough with the, all the discussions about everything but move your ass. It's always about slow down, look left, look right, look left again. Look out for Caltrans guys. Be careful. Back up. No Jackrabbit starts. Don't do those Jackrabbits. God forbid you do a Jackrabbit start. Why not a Jackrabbit start? Anything wrong with moving? And by the way, why all of a sudden when it comes to cars, we got to frown on people shaking their ass and moving a little bit. This whole country, this whole country is like founded on, hey, this guy's a mover and shaker. Hey, you're talking about Bill Johnson. He gets things done. He makes things happen now. You know, he's up, he's up early, goes to bed late. You want something, he's a guy who gets up early. We built this country on the ability to shake your ass. We get to the moon first. We build the highest skyscrapers. We do it in record time, you know. They didn't think the Golden Gate Bridge could come in under time and under budget, but we did it. We showed them. What about that mentality when you get behind the wheel? Why all of a sudden everyone, hey, take a Quaalude, mellow out, slow down. There's no rush. They call it rush hour. We're in a rush. Let's go. Start going. And how about some tickets? And how about just a general campaign and, oh boy, you better do it in about 30 languages in this city. Turn right when it's red. It's illegal. Go. March now. Underlay. Arriba. All right. I can't find Korean. I'm going to work it hard in the Korean. Drive through Koreatown. Jesus Christ. Bob, play for us.

33:49🔗 Caller And hold on a second.

33:50🔗 Adam I'm a prick because I'm honking the horn. You're not a prick because I'm sitting out here waiting to get carjacked and having a little urine trickle down my leg because I can't get to work. Now, I'll just I'll just sit. Here's what that is. Right. I will I will join you and your slathery. They make that word up. Yes. Thank you. People know what it means. And as I have said, man, I was yelling this at my mom the other day. Look, I honked the horn. I'm a prick. But what if you were just walking down the sidewalk in a very slow clip, doing a little window shopping, and I started to walk past you on the sidewalk, you stuck your arm out. Oh, no, no, no. Where are you going? Get behind.

34:27🔗 Drew Same time.

34:27🔗 Adam I'm going to stop. Yeah, you stop too. Now I'm on your crappy retarded metronome, the one that barely moves, that's the one I'm on now too. All right.

34:39🔗 Drew Have a good time.

34:40🔗 Adam Have a good time. Rob?

34:43🔗 Yeah.

34:44🔗 Adam You're 24?

34:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:45🔗 Adam What's up?

34:47🔗 Caller Well, basically I was dating a girl for five or six years and during that time she cheated on me and gave me genital warts. Well, now we're broken up and I'm curious as to if or how I should bring up the fact that I do have like an STD to...

35:07🔗 Drew Do the warts still visible?

35:10🔗 Caller Well, they kind of come and go. I guess I have it worse than most people.

35:14🔗 Drew Do you treat them, do you take...

35:16🔗 Caller Yeah, I see a urologist and he basically like fries them off.

35:23🔗 Adam By the way, Drew...

35:24🔗 Drew There's a cream called Eldera that might help you out a bit.

35:26🔗 Caller Yeah, I tried that.

35:27🔗 Adam You take that? It ends up beating off.

35:30🔗 Drew Yeah, that's true.

35:31🔗 Adam How much cream could you rub around your genital area before it turned into a world-class spank session? Think about it. No 24-year-old guy is going to apply ointment around his genitalia.

35:40🔗 Drew It's about 30 bucks a million.

35:43🔗 Adam Four to five is a loogie.

35:45🔗 Drew When you said you were starting to say something.

35:49🔗 Adam Is there anything like now there's stuff you can do to suppress like herpes breakouts?

35:54🔗 Drew Yes.

35:55🔗 Adam And no suppression thing for warts?

35:57🔗 Drew There will be a vaccine soon enough.

35:59🔗 Adam A vaccine? No, no. What does that mean? But for those who are already exposed.

36:04🔗 Drew For those who already have it, the vaccine sometimes can reduce the outbreaks.

36:08🔗 Adam How about that? But no pill you can take like that's going to.

36:14🔗 Drew No antiviral that will hit the ward virus.

36:17🔗 Adam Right. It's a virus. I mean, the herpes is a virus too, right?

36:21🔗 Drew But it's...

36:21🔗 Adam They can't isolate it?

36:22🔗 Drew They can't figure it out? It's really in the skin. Herpes goes well beneath that.

36:27🔗 Adam So, you put something in your belly, it's not going to do anything because it's on your skin or in your skin.

36:31🔗 Drew It's hard to get the stuff to the skin when skin is not well vascularized.

36:35🔗 Adam Right. And there's just... Here's the part that I find amazing. There's no way to kill it when it is on the skin. I mean, what I'm saying is... What if you made a little dam around the area? You just took some plastic and you bent it and used some dental putty or something. You just stuck it down and then you just filled that area with bleach. And you let it just sit there for three hours. Still not going to kill the wart virus?

37:02🔗 Drew I don't know enough about the virology of that, but you got to remember the entire penis is exposed and the viruses kind of pop out here and there. They're not just localized where the warts are. Although they can be and they can spread.

37:15🔗 Adam When is the wart virus antidote coming out or the vaccine?

37:24🔗 Drew I'd say within three years.

37:25🔗 Adam Oh, Trojan people got to be pissed about that.

37:28🔗 Drew No, that's good times.

37:29🔗 Adam But they're hoping for an AIDS Renaissance?

37:31🔗 Drew They know Mother Nature will take care of them. There will be a new STI.

37:34🔗 Adam There's always going to be a reason. Of course. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Back to the phones we go. Gonna speak to Atassa.

38:09🔗 Drew That's what it looks like.

38:12🔗 Adam Atassa. You're 18?

38:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

38:18🔗 Adam What kind of name is Atassa?

38:19🔗 Drew That's what I wanted to know.

38:20🔗 Adam Be prepared. Atusa. All right. What's it mean? Does it mean anything?

38:30🔗 The name of Winston Churchill's granddaughter and it was a princess of Persia.

38:35🔗 Drew Princess of Persia?

38:36🔗 Yeah.

38:37🔗 Drew Did it mean something? No.

38:40🔗 Adam Well, Winston Churchill named his granddaughter Atusa.

38:44🔗 Yeah.

38:44🔗 It's also the name of Cosmo Girls' editor.

38:49🔗 Yeah.

38:49🔗 Adam Winston Churchill named or he didn't name but his son or daughter named their child Atusa?

38:58🔗 Drew Atusa.

39:02🔗 Adam Yeah. It doesn't make sense, but all right. What's happening, baby doll?

39:08🔗 When I have sex, like partway through it or if I change positions or something, I'll stop being lubricated just randomly. Even though I'm like still in the mood, like it'll just stop.

39:18🔗 Drew Are you taking birth control pills?

39:21🔗 I'm on ortho-Evra.

39:24🔗 Drew Ortho-Evra, I have to look. That's a birth control pill. Do you have it handy by any chance? Do you have it handy?

39:34🔗 Adam Maybe.

39:35🔗 Drew Can you tell me the name of the chemicals that are in there?

39:38🔗 Adam What, I didn't really see it. All right, so what, if it's in the pack, what can you do?

39:45🔗 Drew Well, I just want to break it down and put it in a bunsen burn. No, no, I just want to have a strong progesterone in it because that can dry you out.

39:50🔗 Adam Well, what will the pills say?

39:52🔗 Drew Here you go. You'll hear it.

39:54🔗 It says, oh, where are the ingredients?

39:57🔗 Drew It'll say like ethanol, estradiol.

39:59🔗 Adam On the pill or just on the pack?

40:01🔗 Drew The pack, the pack.

40:02🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Does that keep my pills loose?

40:05🔗 Drew No, no, you shouldn't do that.

40:06🔗 Adam I do. That's my thing. Mm-hmm.

40:12🔗 It doesn't say.

40:13🔗 Adam It's a great radio drill.

40:14🔗 Drew Yeah, I know.

40:15🔗 Adam Where's it going to say on the pack, Drew?

40:20🔗 Drew Norgestril?

40:21🔗 Adam Yeah.

40:22🔗 Nor whatever.

40:23🔗 Drew Or Norcindral.

40:24🔗 Estradil and something with a T dermal system.

40:29🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:29🔗 Adam All right, what about it, Drew?

40:31🔗 Drew Oh, it's using the patch.

40:33🔗 Yeah.

40:33🔗 Drew Okay. So this is the.

40:35🔗 Adam Go ahead and pipe up with that.

40:37🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:38🔗 Adam But go ahead, Drew.

40:40🔗 Drew No, that it might be doing it, but it wouldn't typically do that. Not my experience. But it's possible, that's what it is. Have you been on other pills, other contraceptives in the past?

40:48🔗 Well, before I was on the Depovera and with my ex-boyfriend, I can go on for a while, even if I wasn't in the mood and I'll still be lubricated, but.

40:57🔗 Drew Interesting. All right, in my experience, usually the progesterone is what dries women out, but in your case, that wouldn't happen. In fact, you would be less likely to dry out on the progesterone. And now you're taking a pill that has estrogen in it and maybe the estrogen is drying you out, which is sort of the opposite of, this is how strange women can be. They're each different and can respond differently to these products. So you may want to go back on the progesterone shot.

41:20🔗 Adam Well, how about you keep a little lube on the nightstand too, you know, little water soluble lube.

41:27🔗 Well, with the Depo Vera, I would stop every day, so it was kind of annoying.

41:32🔗 Drew How many times did you take, how many shots did you take?

41:36🔗 I probably went for about six months. I never went for anything longer because at times, I take two different sets.

41:45🔗 Adam How about you get some lube and use that if you need it?

41:48🔗 Caller Yeah, but it only lasts for so long.

41:51🔗 Adam The lube does? Yeah, well, you got to change your oil every five, 6,000 miles too. I mean, eventually the viscosity breaks down. You've seen the Castrol commercials. The point is, yeah, well, when you switch positions, what do you need, another 10, 20 minutes of good humping?

42:08🔗 Well, I don't know, like some names like.

42:14🔗 Drew I know that was her phone, not ours.

42:16🔗 Adam Really?

42:16🔗 Drew Yeah. That's everybody.

42:17🔗 Adam Okay, all right. I'm just missing the good part.

42:22🔗 Drew Yeah, well, well.

42:24🔗 Adam She sounded like a hot Persian chick. And by the way, I don't know what it is, but there's something always strange about women who take charge of their sexuality to me. Like they talk about, well, you know, with my last lover, I was on the Depo Pro Vila, and then I went ahead and got an estrogen boost and when I had it, it trusted. And then I was with my now my second lover. So it's always, there's something sort of-

42:49🔗 Drew Little too matter of fact.

42:49🔗 Adam I appreciate it, but then there's something sort of matter, there's something matter of fact and calculated and cold about it. But on the other hand, it's just as she's a smart woman, obviously, who's sort of, well, not that smart because you have trouble pronouncing what's going on in the patch. But still, I get the feeling she's sharp. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. All right. Let's keep rolling. Suzanne?

43:13🔗 Hi there.

43:14🔗 Adam You're 26?

43:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

43:16🔗 Adam What's up?

43:17🔗 Caller So I only have a husband. I've been married to him for about a year, close to a year. And he has a very, very strong addiction to these very graphic kind of Craigslist, Craigslist Casual Encounters, any type of like...

43:34🔗 Adam Hold on. What kind of casual encounter?

43:37🔗 Caller Like on Craigslist.

43:40🔗 Drew What?

43:41🔗 Caller On Craigslist.

43:42🔗 Drew We're supposed to know what that is?

43:45🔗 Caller It's like, you know, one of these places where you can find jobs in certain cities and they have like relationship section and then they have a subset within the relationship section that's for...

43:56🔗 Adam Not that we wanna plug the website, but I can't believe it's pronounced Craigslist.

44:02🔗 Drew Yeah, we can't even get what you said.

44:03🔗 Adam What is it called?

44:05🔗 Caller Craigslist, like the name Craigs. Yeah.

44:08🔗 Drew Craigslist.

44:09🔗 Adam Craigslist, all right. And so he meets women on that.

44:15🔗 Caller Yes, this website is like a mecca for like having casual encounters. And so you go on there and you like, you know, email them and you say, oh.

44:24🔗 Drew Chris is taking notes, he is writing it down.

44:28🔗 Caller And he's, you know, he does this compulsively. And not only on that, but he, you know, goes on his, you know, on his cellular phone and, you know, goes on the sites that he finds on there, these, you know, new type of sites. And he's just compulsive about it.

44:42🔗 Adam Hold on, he goes on a cellular phone and finds new sites?

44:46🔗 Drew Does he meet women?

44:47🔗 Caller I don't have any conclusive proof that he's actually met them, but he definitely is sending pictures and.

44:54🔗 Drew And phone sex.

44:57🔗 Caller I guess, yeah, cyber sex.

44:59🔗 Adam Well, hold on a second, sending pictures of himself? Yeah. To the ladies he's meeting?

45:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

45:07🔗 Caller Yeah, or the ones that he wants to meet or intends to meet, yeah.

45:11🔗 Drew And then yet you don't know that they actually meet.

45:13🔗 Adam How did you find out about all this?

45:15🔗 Caller Well, I noticed when I would walk by him and he was on his computer, he would click down whatever he was working on and I thought it was rather suspicious.

45:24🔗 Adam Guy's got a lot of way of us doing that right in the house, you know?

45:28🔗 Caller Yeah, exactly. And then I got on his computer one day when he was a little, you know, sloppy and left it on. Right. And I just, I couldn't believe it. I mean, it was just horrible.

45:38🔗 Adam Well, you're fairly casual. I mean, look, it's one thing for the guy to peruse, look, peruse a little porn on the computer. It's another thing to be giving pictures and interacting with people. Interacting back and forth.

45:51🔗 Caller I mean, exactly, exactly what I thought.

45:53🔗 Adam Exactly. And like I said, you're sort of casual about the whole thing.

45:58🔗 Drew Well, let me.

45:59🔗 Caller I've come to terms with it. And I.

46:02🔗 Drew Is there something else about him we should know? Have you had to come to terms with other things about him before this one surfaced? No.

46:10🔗 Caller And the thing is that I don't understand is the reason why he's doing it. When I asked him, why are you doing this? If it's offensive to me and if it doesn't respect our marriage and our relationship and it hurts me, why are you doing this? And he said that he is trying to find out what I am going to do to him, which I find completely, you know, BF.

46:30🔗 Drew Look, here's the deal. He's strung out on drugs. I guarantee it.

46:33🔗 Adam Really?

46:34🔗 Drew I guarantee it. That is the most bizarre, lame, ridiculous, and you know, you can't even muster good to excuse a good lie. He's doing bizarre, compulsive, sexually addictive behaviors. We'll get to more of that.

46:47🔗 Adam I'm gassing it.

46:49🔗 Drew That's great.

46:49🔗 Adam There's no smell to it.

46:50🔗 Drew Suzanne, hold on a second, okay?

46:52🔗 Adam We'll get to the bottom of this.

46:53🔗 Drew I can guarantee there's something else going on here. Guaranteed.

46:56🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

46:58🔗 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:00🔗 You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:03🔗 Adam One call is all you need to make.

47:05🔗 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

47:08🔗 Call the Dateline.

47:45🔗 Adam Something I was talking about today to some guys at the office. I mentioned it on the air, I don't know when, a few nights back, I can't remember. But I don't think you were here, Drew. Tell me if you were. But I was thinking about the eye patch. Were we talking about the eye patch?

48:01🔗 Drew It's come up a few times.

48:03🔗 Adam And how there's a huge chasm between the two types of eye patches. Like the one eye patch, the black silk one, that's the guy who's on the French Riviera. And he's wearing the white dinner jacket. And he's smoking the European cigarette. He has a $7,000 watch. And he's got a couple of hot chicks with him.

48:24🔗 Drew He's a secret agent.

48:26🔗 Adam Yeah, he's a man about town. He's a millionaire playboy. The other eye patch is the flesh colored adhesive one. That's the homeless junkie who got a bad load from a John and gave him a little Hepatitis C or Staph infection in his eye when he was trying to blow a guy to make 15 bucks to get a little packet of crack. Easy little gauze peeking through there. And I was thinking to myself, two huge chasms in eyewear. The two patches. And then I thought, if you were a girl, that'd be a tough coin to flip. Like you're getting a date with the eye patch guy. And you're either gonna get the guy who's Rex Dexler, who drives, pulls the cigarette boat up to the shore, throws the keys to the valet and then hops in the Ferrari and heads up the hill into Monaco. Or you're getting the weird homeless guy who's gonna hit you with a little fortified wine and a light raping. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. And you're a desperate single girl. Do you spin that wheel, Drew?

49:35🔗 Drew Yeah.

49:35🔗 Adam You do?

49:36🔗 Drew You go for it.

49:36🔗 Adam You go for it. Even though you could get the flesh-colored adhesive patch guy with just a little gauze poking through the bottom edge. And this is the one where the doctor says, once every three weeks, at the clinic, by the way, or County USC, the county hospital, let's have a look-see at it, starts to peel it back, makes the initial face, and then catches himself. Okay, all right, and then immediately shoves it back again.

50:04🔗 Drew Been there.

50:04🔗 Adam Because he's gonna heave. You been there, Drew? I always like that, let's have a look-see. Let's have a look-see at the festering wound. And you peel the patch back, and it's just like, what roaches, maggots crawling around in there.

50:19🔗 Drew You get the idea, you figure, I know what I see, I get it.

50:22🔗 Adam And your face will show, for just a millisecond, you'll get that face, right, that I'm gonna hurl. Maybe I'm a doctor, but I'm a human first, and then I'm disgusted at this. And then you put your game face back on, right? All right, please stay with the drops, and stay on direct sunlight. Come back and check me. Is that what happens? What happens to the eye? You get infections, and...

50:43🔗 Drew Well, usually you're talking about people that have been enucleated, the eye's gone.

50:47🔗 Adam Eye's gone, that could be another thing. Lost the eye, like a guy gets stabbed in the number two pencil and he fought with another bum.

50:54🔗 Drew Or back to the homeless.

50:55🔗 Adam Yeah, a bad load, yeah, yeah. So I'm saying, now your sister's single. She needs a date badly.

51:02🔗 Drew It's bad times.

51:03🔗 Adam She could be going out with the Barclay man. Or she could get the bum. With the festering eye. It's both patch, guys. Tough choice, huh? Has there ever been a greater chasm between two things, like a watch or cufflinks? No.

51:21🔗 Drew Eye patch can go bad.

51:22🔗 Adam Eye patch, nothing can go better or nothing can go further south. That's my argument. And I said, hey, bring up your underpants, bring up your spats, bring up your sock garters, your cufflinks and your earrings, any appointments. Nothing, hats, scarves, turtlenecks. Nothing can go further south. Nothing has the potential to go further south. Or better, or more right. You could never live up to the silk eye patch guy. No. This guy. He's like the bachelor from The Flying Nun. Who is this man of mystery? And a white dinner jacket. Carnation in the lapel. Suzanne?

52:03🔗 Drew Yes. So, this is the husband that we think may be addicted. Certainly he's addicted to the... He's porn addicted and he's internet porn addicted certainly. And the fact that he is that already puts him at risk for substance addiction. And then the sort of bizarre clandestine quality and the weird sort of excuses. That all suggests more addiction to me. The chemical addiction.

52:26🔗 Adam Why did you marry the guy?

52:29🔗 Caller Well, when I married him, I mean, he was phenomenal. I had no idea he behaved like this. In fact, he told me quite the opposite saying, Oh God, I'm completely not like that and I'd never behave like that. And...

52:43🔗 Adam But let me explain one thing. Just a quick tip to everybody. People that are really good people rarely explain how they're not bad people. Doesn't really... They don't think of it. It's like people like when car salesmen go, Oh, look, can I be honest with you? People that don't lie never say, Can I be honest with you? Because there's no other option. Like as if you weren't. Let me be honest with you. Can I be honest with you? Can I be straight with you? I get a lot of trouble for saying this. Here's the thing. Was anyone in your family addicted to anything?

53:17🔗 Drew Your family of origin? Your parents? Your family of origin?

53:19🔗 Adam No.

53:20🔗 Caller Uh-uh.

53:21🔗 Drew Where are you from?

53:23🔗 Caller Where am I from?

53:24🔗 Drew Where are you from?

53:27🔗 Adam Where?

53:27🔗 Caller I'm from Chicago. My husband's mother is an alcoholic.

53:35🔗 Drew That helps.

53:36🔗 Adam What does he do for a living? He makes commercials.

53:44🔗 Caller He does. He's a producer?

53:46🔗 Adam No, he directs them. Yeah.

53:52🔗 Caller And he's a, you know, he was a complete gentleman. He behaves very properly except for this one very big deterrent. And I'm trying to, you know, figure out if I should somehow salvage this or...

54:04🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. I mean, try to get him some help if he's a smart guy and he's a willing guy and he loves you and try to get him some help for sure.

54:11🔗 Adam But here's, okay, but here's the angle, everybody, whether it's the guys looking at porn or whatever the guy's doing that you don't want him to do, if it's within reason. I mean, step number one, decide is this really bad or do I just feel like it's bad or is it just making me feel bad because of something that happened in my childhood?

54:31🔗 Caller Okay.

54:32🔗 Adam Now we've established this is wrong. This is clearly wrong. This is not him looking at a playboy while he's on the pot. Right. This is him having an interaction with other people. Next part is don't start chasing him. He'll go underground. And I mean, don't come at him. He'll go underground.

54:48🔗 Drew It's not so much about the behavior you're saying. It's about the whole syndrome.

54:51🔗 Adam You need to have a sit down with this guy saying, look, this is unacceptable for you as much as it is for me. I mean, this is unhealthy behavior in a relationship.

55:02🔗 Drew Right.

55:02🔗 Adam I'm going to save you from yourself by not letting you beat off in front of strangers all day. So we need to talk about this. I don't care if you look at a little porn on the Internet. I'm not telling you you have to turn your computer in, but we need to talk about the part where you're having a relationship with people. You need to be honest with me. We need to assess this. And then there's going to be a little therapy after that.

55:22🔗 Drew Suzanne, why don't you hold on the line here? Brian, please keep Brian holding. I will give her a couple of referrals.

55:34🔗 Adam Christine? You're 18?

55:38🔗 Caller Yes.

55:40🔗 Adam I see you're attracted to men 20 years older than her. You've got that little girl voice.

55:49🔗 Caller I was actually, that's the reason why I'm calling.

55:52🔗 Drew Okay, tell us.

55:54🔗 Caller Well, ever since I was about 16, my first boyfriend was 8 years my senior. And the funny thing is that they are willing to have a relationship with me as well. So I don't know if it's just that I'm quote unquote mature for my age.

56:17🔗 Adam Because I'm a little confused because she also sounds like a person of small stature. Christine, you are a small person. Say, more macaroni and cheese, please.

56:30🔗 Caller More macaroni and cheese, please.

56:33🔗 Adam Yeah, but no laughing. Just a straight read. And action.

56:36🔗 Caller More macaroni and cheese, please.

56:38🔗 Adam But do it just a little bit of zest. Like you're hungry and you want that scoop of macaroni and cheese and action. That's tough. Yeah, now that was solid. She sounds young, but then again she goes, you know, 5'2, 110. Alright, so she's also small in stature. Never any abuse when you were younger? Alright. Everything's you love your daddy? Mm-hmm. You do? He was around? And he paid attention to you? He's probably making macaroni and cheese right now. He's had a couple of beers. That kid wants macaroni and cheese.

57:25🔗 Drew We lost Suzanne there. I hope they didn't knock her off.

57:28🔗 Adam Okay, Drew, hold on a second. Please don't react and yell at the screen that way. Who cares? If she's gone, she's gone. That's what I'm saying. Alright, that was our last caller. Drew has to point out. Okay, you're going out with older guys or you're attracted to older guys. Alright, I don't know, Drew, what about it? A 15-year-old.

57:50🔗 Drew Have you ever had a boyfriend?

57:52🔗 Caller Yes.

57:53🔗 Drew How did that relationship go?

57:55🔗 Caller It went quite smoothly, but it's also because they're embarrassed that I'm so young and also throughout the relationship, they seem to be a little, I don't know, they never get quite used to the fact that I am only 18 or that I am so much younger than they are.

58:15🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, maybe it's, and I don't know why, did your mom die?

58:20🔗 Caller You sure?

58:22🔗 Adam Go check on her. I got a bad feeling.

58:25🔗 Drew I don't quite know what to say. It's always problematic when people are in different stages of their life and you're into guys that are much, much older than you, who are not likely to sort of, they're likely to see you as an object. And the fact this business that you're rationalizing, or at least buying their BS, that they can't get used to you being younger, it's more that they can't sort of come to terms with their guilt for having just exploited you.

58:48🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing too. Oftentimes, now look, when you're, you know, when you're 27 and you're dating a guy who's 49, he may be looking to settle down. When you're 18 and you're dating a guy who's 33, he's having some kicks.

59:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

59:04🔗 Adam He's having a good time. And it's easy for him to date a younger woman, all the pressure's off. It's nothing serious about it.

59:13🔗 Drew But the pressure's on because he feels guilty. He's exploiting someone who's so much younger. And that's why he keeps it around and that's why he starts saying, I can't quite get used to you being younger. I don't think this is going to work.

59:23🔗 Adam I'm just saying he always has it in his hip pocket, this excuse that this thing's never going to work out. We talk about women who only date guys that are married because ultimately they have an intimacy issue and it's never going to work out. It's a nice relief for a guy in his late 20s, early 30s who would at this stage of life having to start thinking about marriage. And if this same guy hooked up with a 28 year old chick, it'd be the screws, you know, you make it longer in a year and people are starting to ask what's going on with you two. You know, all the pressure's off. So you may be inherently attracting guys who aren't that interested in anything long term anyway, and obviously they're immature.

1:00:02🔗 Caller All right, stop it.

1:00:06🔗 Adam You love your dad, you sound very lucky, head screwed on straight. And then believe me, there's stuff everyone's attracted to. Just make the proclamation, this is what I like. Look, everyone does that. But they're healthier choices. I mean, look, I want to eat ribs every single night. I want to eat, you know what, someone's got to make a rib breakfast cereal. Oh, yeah. Finally, that Cajun flavor comes. It's smokehouse flavor. And they're making a few different styles. You know, you make the Kansas City variety with sort of the dry rub, and you make the real smoky Texas kind with all the molasses. But listen, I like to eat ribs. I could really, I think I could eat barbecue maybe three, four meals a day. Once in a while you eat a can of tuna and a tomato because you just should. Go ahead, feel free to do that if you're dating everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Amber? Barbecue sounds good right now though, doesn't it?

1:01:02🔗 Drew I had a huge dinner.

1:01:04🔗 Caller Oh, you did?

1:01:04🔗 Drew I'm good.

1:01:06🔗 Adam I ate a bowl of cereal, so barbecue sounded good.

1:01:08🔗 Caller That's why the cereal came to the mix.

1:01:11🔗 Adam Oh, man. And then the milk starts turning into barbecue sauce. Just drinking it out of the... Yeah? And it's great, too.

1:01:22🔗 Drew Have milk or barbecue sauce.

1:01:24🔗 Adam Instead of the Trix Rabbit or the Cuckoo for Cocoa Pot, we have a morbidly obese illiterate black man wearing suspenders with one of them dangling down his shoulder.

1:01:34🔗 Caller You could do that.

1:01:35🔗 Drew Or you could really go the ethnic cartoon route and have the pig being chased by the rooster with a cleaver.

1:01:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:42🔗 Drew That would be good for cereal, right? Yeah.

1:01:45🔗 Adam Yeah. No.

1:01:46🔗 Drew No?

1:01:47🔗 Adam No. I like the morbidly obese black man with the third grade education. And we could still work in some good ethnic stereotyping. I think we could have our barbecue and eat it too. Amber?

1:02:00🔗 Yeah.

1:02:01🔗 Adam You're 18?

1:02:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:03🔗 Adam What's up?

1:02:04🔗 Caller Okay. My question is recently I've a lot been bleeding during sex and I'm wondering why that is basically.

1:02:13🔗 Drew So that has never happened before?

1:02:16🔗 Caller Not. No. Not at all. The guy I've been with for, we've been having sex for like eight months.

1:02:22🔗 Caller It didn't even happen like when we started dating at all.

1:02:25🔗 Drew Is there any chance you're pregnant? On a new birth control pill or anything like that?

1:02:31🔗 Caller No, no.

1:02:32🔗 Caller I've been taking the same birth control for over a year, a year and a half now.

1:02:35🔗 Drew And how long has it been spotting?

1:02:39🔗 Caller I'd say like three to four months.

1:02:40🔗 Drew When was your last pap smear?

1:02:43🔗 Caller Oh, like last month.

1:02:45🔗 Drew And they didn't find anything?

1:02:46🔗 Caller No. Well, yeah.

1:02:49🔗 Caller But it was not like pregnancy or anything like that.

1:02:51🔗 Drew What did they find?

1:02:53🔗 Caller I have HPV.

1:02:55🔗 Adam That's warts.

1:02:56🔗 Drew Did they do a...?

1:02:57🔗 Caller No, it's not. There's like 70 different strains of it.

1:03:03🔗 Drew Yeah, it's all warts, though. And is it...? Did you get...?

1:03:06🔗 Adam That sounds better than warts, but it's all warts, right?

1:03:10🔗 Drew Yeah. Yes, it's all warts. You may actually cause a wart, but it's all the wart virus. HPV, it's all warts.

1:03:17🔗 Adam But you don't break out with warts.

1:03:19🔗 Drew Right.

1:03:20🔗 Adam Okay. Well, then you don't have to call it warts.

1:03:22🔗 Drew Did they have to do anything to your cervix?

1:03:25🔗 Caller I have to go back in for like the rest of it. Like I have to do the treatment and stuff for... Because basically there's the kind of strain that I thought that at least what my gynecologist told me I have is like the changes in the cervix that causes cervical cancer.

1:03:42🔗 Drew Okay, that's the wart virus and that's the worst kind of wart virus. So I don't know what you're thinking you don't have warts. You have it, you're contagious. Now look, you do. That's it. Period. Now what kind of procedure do they do on you?

1:03:55🔗 Caller They haven't done anything yet but I don't totally know.

1:03:58🔗 Caller I don't know what it's called but I have to go in and I don't know.

1:04:01🔗 Drew Did you have a colposcopy?

1:04:05🔗 Caller I'm going in for that next month.

1:04:07🔗 Drew Why are you waiting so long to do this?

1:04:10🔗 Caller Because I'm at school and I have to go back home.

1:04:13🔗 Caller I just found this out like last week.

1:04:17🔗 Drew You need to take care of it right away. It may have something to do with this. It's possible.

1:04:23🔗 Adam You got bigger fish to fry, right?

1:04:25🔗 Drew Yeah. There can be an instability of the lining of the uterus. From the birth control pill or even just with sexual activity. Some people can get bleeding just because you've never had it. It doesn't mean it's abnormal. You have it now. But you know you have cervical disease and we don't know how bad it is. If it's in the endocervical region inside the cervix, the little hole that goes up to the uterus, that's a pretty serious thing.

1:04:45🔗 Adam Wait a minute. Is that another one of those words that pisses me off? That Indo versus...

1:04:50🔗 Drew Well, Endo is inside. There's no Indo in medicine.

1:04:54🔗 Adam There's no Endo.

1:04:55🔗 Drew There's Ecto.

1:04:56🔗 Adam Ecto. That's in. Out. So there's...

1:05:00🔗 Drew And Exo.

1:05:00🔗 Adam There's... Wait a minute. Endo?

1:05:03🔗 Drew In.

1:05:04🔗 Adam Ecto?

1:05:05🔗 Drew Out.

1:05:06🔗 Adam Yeah. We got to get them further apart.

1:05:08🔗 Drew I was thinking about other languages don't have it quite... You know, in French...

1:05:11🔗 Adam Push and Pull.

1:05:13🔗 Drew French, Push, Poussey. Pull, Tire.

1:05:18🔗 Adam Listen, I hate to side with the Frogs, but they have a point here. I have argued for years that push and pull should not start with the two first goddamn two letters that are matching. I mean, it's a ridiculous idea. I've whacked it.

1:05:35🔗 Drew It's English, though. It's just English. Not everybody else.

1:05:37🔗 Adam Okay, good. Nothing more humiliating than hitting a diner on a Sunday morning, a crowded diner with the old aluminum door and the aluminum door frame and the glass. And the one thing that makes it worse is the ones that has the bell hang on. And by the way, everybody with your with your bells and chimes swinging off the door. You don't know when someone's coming in your place to get something to eat. And by the way, it's always packed. Why is it? How does it? Point is, you're coming in, you got you got some momentum. The thing says, Paul, you whack the thing, smack it on the thing. It's that great aluminum on aluminum with the glass shaking and the bell, the residual belting. Everyone in the restaurant say, Hey, Jack, off. Hey, look at Jackass. Hey, look at retard girl over there. Can't read and walk at the same time. Fantastic. I say they both start with the PU. And PU that stinks.

1:06:31🔗 Drew Fair enough.

1:06:32🔗 Adam I'm just saying, spread them out.

1:06:34🔗 Drew Maybe we should at least make a press and pull.

1:06:37🔗 Adam Push and yank. They shouldn't start with the same two letters.

1:06:41🔗 Drew We just need a new word for pull.

1:06:42🔗 Adam And that is the other one. I'll tell you the one that really...

1:06:45🔗 Drew Tug.

1:06:46🔗 Adam Tug. Okay, pull and tug. No, no, push and tug. Yank is fine, too.

1:06:51🔗 Drew Yank's a little crass.

1:06:52🔗 Adam Okay. Teenagers are beating off in front of the diner. All right, push and tug.

1:06:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:59🔗 Adam Okay.

1:06:59🔗 Drew Well, tug can get bad, too.

1:07:02🔗 Adam Here's the other one that the macro and micro is the other one that just really needs to be further apart.

1:07:09🔗 Drew How about inter and intra?

1:07:12🔗 Adam That's my third on my list. Nothing, there's nothing. You know my chasm between eye patches? Even bigger between micro and macro. Yes?

1:07:23🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:07:24🔗 Adam Micro means...

1:07:25🔗 Drew Tiniest.

1:07:26🔗 Adam Seen with an electron telescope, macro means the universe. Yeah. Right?

1:07:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:07:32🔗 Adam Again?

1:07:33🔗 Drew Different by letter.

1:07:33🔗 Adam I'm going to take a little break here, but I'm angry. It's just once in a while you hear guys, every time someone's talking, they go, well, you gotta be able to listen, you gotta think, you gotta look at the macro picture. It's always like I have to stop and process for a second. No, wait a minute, is it we focus on the small thing or we gotta look at the big... It's always a little confusion.

1:07:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:07:55🔗 Adam I'm gonna take a break. Take a micro break.

1:07:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:07:58🔗 Adam All right, we'll be right back.

1:08:14🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191 Hey, everybody, Loveline.

1:08:19🔗 Adam Oh yeah, I'm Adam.

1:08:21🔗 Caller That's my partner, Dr. Drew, the love doctor.

1:08:23🔗 Adam He's on the phone. He's talking to somebody. Somebody paged him. Any problems, Drew? Cool? That wasn't your wife, was it?

1:08:32🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:33🔗 Adam Oh, the love of Christ. She's just doing a show.

1:08:36🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:39🔗 Adam Listen, Drew.

1:08:39🔗 Drew My assumption is there's an emergency when somebody calls when I'm doing the show. And how can I assume otherwise, you know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? I have no alternative.

1:08:50🔗 Adam Listen, if your wife calls during the two hours that this show is on the air, you should naturally assume that the house is on fire and that she's calling from the lawn.

1:09:01🔗 Drew And everybody's fine.

1:09:03🔗 Adam No.

1:09:03🔗 Drew No.

1:09:04🔗 Adam No. That there's been a dirty bomb exploded in your driveway. And that's it. She got nothing. And yeah. All right. Listen, a little back hand when you get home. That's all I'm saying. For our own good. Just to settle her. All right. Listen. Drew's wife. I'm not going to use your name on the air, but Susan, don't call during the show unless something's on fire. Sarah? You're 20? Uh-huh. Or at least time the commercial, right? Here's Pager went off the second we came back there. Sarah, go ahead, baby doll.

1:09:42🔗 Drew She can't control that thought.

1:09:43🔗 Adam You're 20. All right. Maybe she tried earlier. What's up?

1:09:48🔗 Caller I'm about four and a half months pregnant and I've been having really odd dreams off and on.

1:09:56🔗 Drew Like what?

1:09:57🔗 Caller And like revolving around sex mainly. Like I had to dream that there was this duckbill platypus in a river and it turned into a guy and he and I went off in the woods and had sex. Kind of odd, you know? And I had a dream that I was in the woods and had sex with this elf and this other elf came up and killed me because I was a human and how dare I have sex with this elf?

1:10:22🔗 Drew By the way, how dare you?

1:10:23🔗 Caller Yeah, I know. I feel ashamed. I do.

1:10:27🔗 Adam You've been watching Lord of the Rings. You know, here's the other thing too.

1:10:31🔗 Drew And Crocodile Dundee.

1:10:32🔗 Adam You can't listen to any Jethro Tull before you go to bed or you'll have these bizarre elven country type dreams.

1:10:41🔗 Drew That's fantastic. All right, well. Yeah, pregnancy is an altered, you know, it's a disease state basically. It's the ultimate sexually transmitted disease. And as you get, yeah, you like that? As you get more pregnant, you're gonna have probably more sexual urges and they may be, when you dream, they'll be more bizarre possible.

1:10:58🔗 Adam What, hey, do you have a husband?

1:11:02🔗 Caller I'm engaged.

1:11:02🔗 Adam Oh, well, that's nice.

1:11:06🔗 Caller Well, we're planning the wedding and everything and trying to get a lot of all of that done. So I was thinking it may be just stress too, cause we're trying-

1:11:15🔗 Drew Are you generally more sexually aroused now that you're pregnant? Or at least the second trimester?

1:11:19🔗 Caller You know, I haven't really noticed a difference between, you know, before I became pregnant and after I became pregnant.

1:11:28🔗 Drew Do you have a history of weird dreams growing forever?

1:11:31🔗 Caller I do. I mean, I've always had very strange dreams, but I haven't had sexual-

1:11:36🔗 Drew All right, that's cause you're pregnant.

1:11:38🔗 Adam That's just fine. I'm a little muscle tough. I was trying to think of-

1:11:43🔗 Caller Muscle tough. Oh, what?

1:11:48🔗 Adam Oh, another fart go.

1:11:49🔗 Drew You have not lit a fart in like two years. I am really kind of disappointed.

1:11:53🔗 Adam I do it at home.

1:11:54🔗 Drew Oh, okay.

1:11:56🔗 Adam You know why? Ever since I started wearing pajamas to work, something done on me about two, three years ago, why wear pants to work when you don't have to wear pants? Yeah.

1:12:08🔗 Drew These are barely pajamas.

1:12:09🔗 Adam Drew's wearing underoos, the feet are built in, the flaps hanging open in the back. It's only a matter of time before I just come in with just a sock around my penis, like during the summer months. I'm already at the point where I'm literally coming here in pajamas. The only thing that's keeping me from getting into less than the pajamas, which is I gotta have a pocket or two for the keys. But if I break down and get that fanny pack, like I've been talking about, that suede fanny pack, have you been eyeing for a few years? Then I just start showing up. Actually, better plan.

1:12:45🔗 Drew That's a great look.

1:12:45🔗 Adam I show up in a diaper. I show up in a diaper with just a blanket and get draped around my back like a shawl. And that way, I don't have to wait for commercial breaks to go do my business. I just start peeing and crapping myself right there.

1:13:01🔗 Drew Let's wear togas.

1:13:02🔗 Adam I could go for that. There is a little boner factor.

1:13:07🔗 Drew No thanks. Let's not wear those. Oh, with the diaper though. Diaper and toga.

1:13:10🔗 Adam Yeah. I would like a sort of tunic sort of thing. Or even, I'll tell you what I need. I'll tell you what I need. I need a terry cloth towel, but long with a hole cut into it. Like a poncho.

1:13:25🔗 Drew Yeah. Terry cloth poncho.

1:13:27🔗 Adam And two snaps on the side. And so what I do is, you know, the thing's like eight feet long, but it's got a hole right in the middle.

1:13:34🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:13:34🔗 Adam I just snap my head through the hole. It drops down on each side of me. And I put the two snaps by my hips together.

1:13:40🔗 Drew Sure.

1:13:41🔗 Adam And then I'm done.

1:13:41🔗 Drew In good times.

1:13:42🔗 Adam All right. Let's talk to Will who's 16. 16, Will. What's happening, my man?

1:13:51🔗 Caller First off, Adam, for words that sound the same, there's immigrate and emigrate.

1:13:55🔗 Drew Oh, that's a good one. That's coming into a country versus exiting.

1:13:59🔗 Adam Okay. That is great. Yeah. That needs to be changed immediately.

1:14:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:14:04🔗 Adam Yeah. People emigrating. Yeah. Who the hell knows what even said it? And by the way, I didn't even know there was an emigrate. Yeah, I didn't either. I thought I was just hearing immigrate each time.

1:14:14🔗 Drew Well, in this state, that is what you're hearing.

1:14:17🔗 Adam Yeah, I know.

1:14:17🔗 Drew People only come into the state.

1:14:19🔗 Adam They tunnel into the state, actually. But yeah, immigrate and emigrate, that's horrible.

1:14:24🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:14:24🔗 Adam That's worse than micro and macro.

1:14:27🔗 Drew That's in and exit. You can kind of remember that, but you can't hear the difference.

1:14:29🔗 Adam All right. And then there was intra and-

1:14:34🔗 Drew Inter.

1:14:34🔗 Adam Inter.

1:14:35🔗 Drew That's bad.

1:14:37🔗 Adam Now what? Intra is-

1:14:38🔗 Drew Within.

1:14:39🔗 Adam Within and inter?

1:14:41🔗 Drew Between.

1:14:44🔗 Adam Keep going, Will. What's up?

1:14:46🔗 Caller Well, I was wondering if you go, if a girl goes on the patch, if that makes her gain weight.

1:14:52🔗 Drew If, yes, certainly could.

1:14:53🔗 Caller Oh, oh.

1:14:55🔗 Drew Oh, dude, why?

1:14:57🔗 Caller Does anything for a girl not make her-

1:15:00🔗 Drew The progesterone, the mini-dose pills and the progesterone shot tends to not gain weight. But each woman is different. She's got to try what, you know, start with something and see what happens.

1:15:12🔗 Adam It's emigrate and emigrate?

1:15:13🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:17🔗 Adam Listen, I didn't even know those were two. I just, I thought I was hearing this, I just, you know-

1:15:21🔗 Drew You only hear emigrate in the States.

1:15:22🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing though. You turn on the TV, you hear, you know, Barbara Walther saying Kelly Ripper. And you know, everyone's got their own spin on everything. I work with that guy who's called Sandwich a Sandwich and stuff like that. So how the hell are you gonna know when it's a different word or someone's just, you know, tripping on their tongue a little bit? Yes? All right. What is his question? He's good. He's cool? All right. Let's go to five then.

1:15:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:15:50🔗 Adam You're 26?

1:15:52🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Got a problem, man. My sexual stamina has gone down from when I was younger and I've tried everything, you know, beating off before sex, using a condom. And it's gotten to a point sometimes where it's discouraging to me. And if it's discouraging to me, I could just imagine how my partner feels. You know what I mean?

1:16:17🔗 Drew You don't know how your partner feels.

1:16:19🔗 Caller Is he complaining?

1:16:20🔗 Adam Has he been complaining, Joey?

1:16:22🔗 Caller Well, yeah, I've heard some complaints that, you know, she's barely getting into the mood and I'm already done. You know?

1:16:29🔗 Adam By the way, hold on. He and she could be a little further apart too.

1:16:32🔗 Drew Yeah, that's true.

1:16:33🔗 Adam If you just start, you know, as long as we're on the topic.

1:16:35🔗 Drew As long as we're changing the language.

1:16:39🔗 Adam All right. So how long have you been with this partner, Joey?

1:16:43🔗 Caller I've been with my partner for about four years now.

1:16:46🔗 Adam Four years.

1:16:46🔗 Drew And how long you last?

1:16:47🔗 Adam Call her your girlfriend. Partners like you guys are traveling in a patrol car together.

1:16:53🔗 Drew It also makes me-

1:16:53🔗 Adam Or you're gay.

1:16:54🔗 Drew Yeah, same sex as partner.

1:16:55🔗 Adam Either gay or on patrol or possibly both. Because a gay man is always on patrol.

1:16:59🔗 Caller No, no, no.

1:17:01🔗 Caller I'm very straight, very straight.

1:17:04🔗 Drew And so, how long do you last?

1:17:09🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. I've never actually timed it, but you know, it's, I don't know, it's less than, I'd say probably 10 minutes. Sometimes I'm barely in a couple times and-

1:17:23🔗 Adam All right, let's, let's, let me ask you this, Drew. Is there anything historically or from a nature standpoint? You know, I guess what I'm trying to say is we try to look for sort of-

1:17:35🔗 Drew Evolutionary reasons.

1:17:36🔗 Adam Motivation for people living. And I was sort of thinking to myself like, you no longer have to impress your woman. This partner you hook up with the first time or the second time or even the first 20 times. You have to sort of, there's sort of impress them. And then as you guys stay together longer, it becomes more about procreation. I mean, from a bizarre evolutionary nature kind of thing. This is, I have theories. I have theories that unattractive guys have huge dorks as an evolutionary thing. This is what gets them. This is how they're able to keep their genes going. The goofiest looking guy I know has got the biggest dork I know.

1:18:21🔗 Drew That's good.

1:18:21🔗 Adam It does break your heart when a really hot guy has got a huge penis.

1:18:24🔗 Drew That's not fair.

1:18:25🔗 Adam Now you want to put a bullet in his head, right? But when he has a macro penis instead of a micro penis. So do you think this just starts going that way as a guy? Like here's the thing. What if he got with a new chick? I bet if he was with a new chick, it would go back to where it was. I mean, there would be a discomfort level that might set it back there.

1:18:46🔗 Drew And yet he's going kind of the opposite direction of most. Most you get with a new chicken and things are going to happen quicker.

1:18:52🔗 Adam Oh, you're looking to impress.

1:18:54🔗 Drew But you're more aroused. Not everyone is the ninja penis that you have.

1:18:58🔗 Caller Thank you.

1:18:59🔗 Drew Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

1:19:00🔗 Adam All right, so Joey.

1:19:02🔗 Drew You can pot him up there.

1:19:04🔗 Adam I don't know what to do. He's tried everything. What can we do?

1:19:08🔗 Caller You know.

1:19:08🔗 Adam Oh, no, he's got to start going down. Joey.

1:19:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:12🔗 Adam You go down on your woman?

1:19:16🔗 Caller I go everywhere.

1:19:19🔗 Caller I go up, I go down.

1:19:20🔗 Drew That's probably what she's interest. That's probably more what she's interested in anyway.

1:19:24🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:19:24🔗 Caller Yeah. You know, it's funny that you say if I were to get with another girl, a new interest, I've even considered that theory that, you know, maybe if I were to get with someone else, like I'll last longer, I'll be more into it. But then at the same time, it's like.

1:19:42🔗 Drew So for you being more into it makes you last longer. So you're sort of casual and not in, you don't have the eye of the tiger with your current girlfriend.

1:19:50🔗 Caller You think that's what it is? It's just.

1:19:52🔗 Drew Well, I'm wondering. You sort of, those were words that came out of your mouth. And maybe you're just not, maybe this is four years and this thing's run its course.

1:19:59🔗 Adam Yeah. You guys aren't married.

1:20:02🔗 Caller No, no.

1:20:03🔗 Adam Why not?

1:20:03🔗 Caller We live together and everything.

1:20:05🔗 Adam Why aren't you married?

1:20:06🔗 Caller We're in those new age marriages where we just live together.

1:20:12🔗 Drew Maybe this thing's run its course.

1:20:13🔗 Adam Joyce, sounds like a cheech from Cheech and Chilock too, which I find delightful. But listen, Joey, okay, here's what you do. Look, here's the thing. It's like a plumber when he comes to your house to clear your drain. You pay for drive time.

1:20:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:20:31🔗 Adam It's not like he shows up, clears the drain, 20 minutes and leaves. Here's what I'm saying and charge you for 20 minutes.

1:20:37🔗 Drew When you go down, the clock's running.

1:20:39🔗 Adam You go down on a check, you set the meter, like in the old time cabs. Pow, you pull that flag down. You're on the clock. You understand?

1:20:47🔗 Drew So if he's feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of time.

1:20:50🔗 Adam Get on down.

1:20:51🔗 Drew Spend more time down there.

1:20:52🔗 Adam Yeah, if you're only lasting 10 minutes when you're on your check, start off with a nice 13, 15 minutes of Vigorous Oral. And now you got 25 minutes.

1:21:01🔗 Drew There you go.

1:21:01🔗 Adam All right.

1:21:02🔗 Drew It's good times.

1:21:02🔗 Adam Yeah, good times.

1:21:04🔗 Drew Betsy?

1:21:05🔗 Adam Has it never, uh-huh, I'll talk to Clayton.

1:21:09🔗 Drew Who? Clayton?

1:21:11🔗 Caller Hello, yes.

1:21:13🔗 Caller Uh-oh.

1:21:14🔗 Caller I'm here.

1:21:15🔗 Adam Now I don't wanna talk to Clayton. Clayton, you're 23, what's happening, buddy?

1:21:20🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm with a woman who's 29 and she has a eight-year-old daughter. And I've noticed that a theme on your show lately has been girls who have missed their father figures, have had trouble with their relationships later on in life. And I'm wondering what I can do to help her get a positive male role model.

1:21:43🔗 Caller All right, well, no raping.

1:21:46🔗 Drew Yeah, here's the problem. She will always be affected by the dad not being in her life. So you can't ever take it away completely. All you can do is be a positive empathic to it.

1:21:56🔗 Adam Well, that's what he's asking.

1:21:57🔗 Drew Wait a minute, forcing in her life from now on through the rest of her life. The problem is her mom is into guys who are abandoning and she will be sure to sabotage this relationship with you because you're an available guy, right, Adam?

1:22:14🔗 Adam No, OK, I do get a little nerd in Clayton's voice.

1:22:17🔗 Drew She's going to sabotage that. And so the mom's going to make sure that her daughter...

1:22:22🔗 Adam Let me poke around just a little bit. How old is your gal pal, Clayton? Twenty-nine. Twenty-nine. So you're twenty-three. She's not a ton older. She's got an eight-year-old. So she got pregnant fairly early. And the guy she was with, is he in the picture at all? So where is he?

1:22:44🔗 Caller She doesn't know. He was very abusive and she just left him.

1:22:49🔗 Adam What?

1:22:49🔗 Drew I don't know what you're talking about.

1:22:52🔗 Adam And were you a co-worker of hers?

1:22:56🔗 Caller No.

1:22:57🔗 Adam How did you two meet?

1:22:58🔗 Caller Through mutual friends.

1:23:02🔗 Adam All right.

1:23:03🔗 Drew On the Internet.

1:23:04🔗 Caller No.

1:23:05🔗 Adam Both are friends with Mr. McIntosh. And you guys met and you went out and you hit it off. And how long have you been going out with her?

1:23:15🔗 Caller About five, six months. And I've known her for three years.

1:23:20🔗 Drew How's it going?

1:23:21🔗 Adam Three years. Now, wait a minute. How does this work that you've knew her for three years?

1:23:25🔗 Caller Well, I knew her for three years and we're friends and...

1:23:29🔗 Drew You see what I'm talking about?

1:23:31🔗 Adam Did somebody set...

1:23:32🔗 Drew But you said you were just waiting around for her. He was into this.

1:23:35🔗 Adam I know, but you said you were set up through a mutual friend.

1:23:38🔗 Drew Yeah, finally, finally, he cracked the code finally.

1:23:41🔗 Adam Well, but wait, I'm just confused. Were you initially introduced three years ago by the mutual friend?

1:23:47🔗 Caller Yeah, so we just knew this person, introduced these, and we just started hanging out through this friend and then after a while we just kind of hooked up.

1:23:59🔗 Adam Well, after a while, I mean, you liked her for two and a half years, right?

1:24:06🔗 Caller Well, I was finishing school and I didn't want to start anything, and I finished school.

1:24:12🔗 Adam No.

1:24:12🔗 Drew Who are you talking to here?

1:24:13🔗 Adam She was in a throw zone abusive relationship and she couldn't start anything.

1:24:17🔗 Caller No, no, not at that time. Her abusive relationship, she ended before her daughter was two years older.

1:24:29🔗 Adam So she was just free and clear for like six years, five years?

1:24:33🔗 Caller She dated guys off and on, of course.

1:24:37🔗 Drew But not Clayton?

1:24:37🔗 Adam But not you?

1:24:38🔗 Caller No.

1:24:39🔗 Adam Why not you?

1:24:41🔗 Caller Because I just met her three years ago.

1:24:43🔗 Drew Oh Clayton, did you go to Harvey Mudd or something?

1:24:46🔗 Caller No.

1:24:47🔗 Caller That's Harvey Mudd.

1:24:49🔗 Drew Which?

1:24:50🔗 Caller At the graduate university.

1:24:53🔗 Drew Claire Mudd, what do you speak to Claire Mudd men's?

1:24:56🔗 Adam Oh, I see, he's calling from Claire Mudd. Hey, Clayton. Here's the thing.

1:25:03🔗 Drew Clayton, you are rationalizing things and these are things that don't follow rational patterns. The humans follow specific patterns, but they aren't to be rationalized. You know what I'm saying? They don't make sense. And what is happening here? I can tell you what's happening here. You were into him from the moment you met her. She was not available. She wasn't so into it. But she finally sort of succumbed to this or she had a weak moment or she got tired of these abusive guys or unavailable guys and decided to be with a guy who was available. But she will not continue in that, not unless she's getting a lot of therapy. And don't BS yourself with, well, I was too busy in school. No one's ever had a relationship when they're busy in the graduate school.

1:25:42🔗 Adam Come on. He had to beat off and pop sits and doodle on PG folder for a while until he was ready. Yeah, Clayton, you liked her the day you met her.

1:25:52🔗 Caller Well, of course, or else I wouldn't be there.

1:25:55🔗 Drew Yeah, well, you haven't told. You haven't admitted that we had a five minute conversation. You've been denying that.

1:25:59🔗 Adam You're too busy going to school.

1:26:00🔗 Drew All right.

1:26:01🔗 Adam Well, anyway, listen, Clayton, is she getting any therapy?

1:26:05🔗 Caller She has already done that.

1:26:07🔗 Drew And she no, no, she'd have to be in it for a long, long, long time. And that's the only chance. No, not was not was.

1:26:14🔗 Adam Oh, look, I don't know. I'm tired of crapping on Clayton Clayton. And here and by the way, we're going to help you real fast. But I'm just saying what Drew and I are reacting to is Clayton's voice.

1:26:24🔗 Drew Not so much the circumstances, the defensiveness and the distortions, the intellectuals.

1:26:28🔗 Adam I know. But here's what I want to say. People listen to the show and they go, the poor guy called. They ask a legitimate question. You guys jumped all over him. Where do you get that? Now, you're just listening to the question. We're listening to the voice. And for us, there's alarm bells going off in our head to everyone who's just casually listening to the show. We're a couple of a-holes that are jumping on a guy with a legitimate question. And by the way, who's given us no real hardcore stuff for us to believe otherwise. Now, as we start scratching around, it starts to come out and all we need is a spoonful to fill a dam for us. I mean, we know what's going on.

1:27:06🔗 Drew We see this.

1:27:07🔗 Adam But we do have to explain it to people that are listening every once in a while, who don't feel or know what we know.

1:27:12🔗 Drew Clayton has been in love with this girl since he met her. She is someone with an abusive history who needs an abusive man in her life or an unavailable man. She, for whatever reason, finally has developed a relationship with someone who is available, but she's not gonna be able to tolerate that. She will sabotage that. So the question of how to be a father figure to the child becomes moot because she's gonna pull the guy out of the child's life. And that's the unfortunate thing because to be a good father figure, you need to be intimate and attuned to this child. Now, forever. That's what she needs.

1:27:39🔗 Adam Clayton, treat the child as best you can while you're around her. Do not, we, at the six month period, do not bond with the child. Don't take them out on outings alone and that kind of stuff. And yes, we are waiting for the wheels to come off of this thing when she needs.

1:27:57🔗 Drew And you gotta stop BS-ing yourself about these racial situations.

1:28:01🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be back. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. My wife freaks out during sex.

1:28:28🔗 Drew Which one do you want, that one or this one?

1:28:30🔗 Adam That's...

1:28:31🔗 Drew This one?

1:28:32🔗 Adam Let's talk to this one here. Oh, man, there's some gas in it, right?

1:28:36🔗 Drew Oh yeah, I noticed. You know, the other problem here, we don't have the mics we used to hold that you could take down to your...

1:28:47🔗 Adam I'm gonna cry. That's done. The piston is at the end of its compression stroke.

1:28:52🔗 Drew That's good.

1:28:53🔗 Adam Richard, it's at the end of its stroke.

1:28:54🔗 Drew 25.

1:28:55🔗 Adam That's exhaust stroke, actually. The four stroke engine, you know, it's got four strokes.

1:29:00🔗 Drew Whatever.

1:29:00🔗 Adam It's got the, you know, it's got the intake, the compression.

1:29:04🔗 Drew Richard, what's happening, buddy?

1:29:05🔗 Adam Power stroke.

1:29:05🔗 Caller Hey, how's it going, guys?

1:29:06🔗 Adam What's happening, Richard? Hey, he's calling from Detroit. You know about cars, you're calling from Motor City, right?

1:29:12🔗 Caller Oh yeah, calling from the D.

1:29:14🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:29:16🔗 Caller I'm having a problem. Me and my wife, I've met her, I've known her since high school. And she was attacked when we were younger. She was raped actually. And, you know, I knew what had happened and everything, but not every now and then when we're intimate, she just, she has like a flashback or something and just.

1:29:43🔗 Drew Well, here again, yeah, like our last caller, this sort of means stuff to us. You know, a teenager that gets raped.

1:29:49🔗 Adam Maybe.

1:29:49🔗 Drew Well, when you start having flashbacks, that's post-traumatic stress disorder.

1:29:53🔗 Adam Well, if you're attacked.

1:29:54🔗 Drew Yeah, but if you keep having them, it means that something happened long ago that got reactivated by the recent attack.

1:30:00🔗 Adam Probably what?

1:30:02🔗 Drew We would say sexual abuse.

1:30:03🔗 Adam Well, what happened with the attack?

1:30:07🔗 Caller The guy broke in the house and then just had his way with her.

1:30:13🔗 Adam While she was at home in her parents' house?

1:30:16🔗 Caller Yeah, while she was living at home.

1:30:18🔗 Drew And did they prosecute?

1:30:19🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:30:21🔗 Drew They got the guy.

1:30:22🔗 Caller Yeah, they got him. He was fully prosecuted and everything.

1:30:25🔗 Adam How did they get the guy?

1:30:26🔗 Caller It was a friend of the family, one of his cousins. Yeah, she knew who it was.

1:30:36🔗 Adam And she knew at the time?

1:30:37🔗 Caller No, she knew the guy.

1:30:40🔗 Drew When it happened.

1:30:40🔗 Adam Yeah, I know. At the time?

1:30:41🔗 Caller Yeah, at the time, she knew him, too.

1:30:45🔗 Adam I just mean, I don't know why in my bizarre way of thinking, although my guy likes to fart into microphones. To me, a stranger breaking a house and you waking up the guy on top of you is the most traumatic thing in the world. If for some reason it's Cousin Stewie from the barbecue two years ago, it's confusing, but at least it's not that crazed. I mean, it's effed up, but it's not effing effed up.

1:31:11🔗 Caller Unacceptable.

1:31:11🔗 Drew But again, this is the family she comes from.

1:31:14🔗 Adam Yeah. What's up with her family?

1:31:16🔗 Caller Oh, her family's fine. It wasn't from her family. It was one of her brother's friends, a guy from his family. And, you know, he came around a few times when...

1:31:27🔗 Adam One of her brother's friends. Yeah. And she got, she was, no, no, no, quiet down, Drew. And this is the middle of the night.

1:31:35🔗 Drew We have one minute. I got to solve it.

1:31:36🔗 Adam Is she able to...

1:31:37🔗 Caller It was in the afternoon. It was in the middle of the afternoon. She came home from school and...

1:31:42🔗 Adam Oh, no one was home?

1:31:43🔗 Drew No one was home. Did he have a weapon?

1:31:46🔗 Caller Oh, he just, he kicked in the door.

1:31:48🔗 Adam He just kicked in the door?

1:31:50🔗 Caller No, he just beat her.

1:31:53🔗 Drew He beat her?

1:31:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:56🔗 Adam What does that...

1:31:56🔗 Drew You don't know that, do you?

1:31:58🔗 Caller No, I know. She's... I've talked to her about it, you know.

1:32:02🔗 Adam Did she get some counseling?

1:32:03🔗 Caller She's not through... Yeah, she's been...

1:32:05🔗 Adam What does her dad do?

1:32:08🔗 Caller He works for a county. Okay. He's a county worker. All right.

1:32:14🔗 Drew Well, here's the deal. She's suffering from a post-traumatic stress disorder. It would be normal, given the severity of the trauma she went through. People that have a sustained persistent post-traumatic stress disorder syndrome usually often have some other trauma in the remote past that gets re-triggered by the trauma in the present. In either case, she needs treatment, she may need medication. There are doctors that specialize in this. And if it's something that's affecting your ability to have a relationship, it's causing mood problems, panic attacks, that sort of thing. She really should get a treatment.

1:32:45🔗 Adam God bless Richard for hanging in there and caring enough.

1:32:49🔗 Drew It's okay. It's good.

1:32:50🔗 Adam All right, buddy.

1:32:51🔗 Drew Treatable.

1:32:51🔗 Adam It'll work out. It's all good.

1:32:53🔗 Drew How's the talk? But ask her about trauma in her childhood because if that trauma is there, then she really has got to get treatment.

1:32:59🔗 Adam We'll be back.

1:33:01🔗 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

1:33:02🔗 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:06🔗 Adam One call is all you need to make.

1:33:07🔗 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:33:08🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:11🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:36🔗 Caller Well, there you go.

1:33:38🔗 Adam Show is over. I'm gonna thank everyone who made it possible. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:54🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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