Thursday, January 1, 2004

0:54🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00🔗 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06🔗 Voiceover You cannot call in because, well, you can, but there's gonna be no one to answer the phone, Brian. We're all home enjoying ourselves. First guest, a beloved, beloved man. He's got himself a TV show on. I'll give it a plug. It's on at 1206 on ABC. It's called the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Who? Jimmy Kimmel. Number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jimmy Kimmel's just entered the studio. The great Jimmy Kimmel.

1:33🔗 Best Of Thank you. So happy to be here. So happy to meet you guys. I love the show. I listen to it every night.

1:37🔗 Adam I'll tell you, I'll tell you, and don't think it's the wrong way. You look better in person than you do on TV.

1:41🔗 Drew He does, doesn't he?

1:42🔗 Adam I think it adds a couple of pounds or something.

1:44🔗 Best Of By the way, I got, did you see that thing I got from that guy today where I'd work? I got some photographs of a guy who looks exactly like me. But better. Everyone, he's exactly like me, exactly like me. And he's amazed at how many people come up to him and think that he's me. And he's about at least 50 pounds every night. And he's, I mean, it's really, it's humiliating. It is.

2:05🔗 Adam Whenever somebody looks like you, it's always a bad thing.

2:09🔗 Best Of It's never a step up.

2:10🔗 Adam It's never a step up. Or if it is a step up, people qualify it. They go, this is the handsome Adam Carolla. They don't realize that's insulting.

2:21🔗 But he's like you, if you were like, if you look like handsome, if you're like a better looking person.

2:26🔗 Adam She may always do that with Pete Sampras. Adam, you're like, you're like, you're like, he's like the handsome version of you.

2:32🔗 Best Of He's like, if you're good like him. Adam's like, a less attractive version of Pete Sampras. Although I think you've now passed him because he's gone bald and he looks weird now. He looks like his hair is falling out in patches.

2:43🔗 Drew Really?

2:43🔗 Adam It always amazes me where guys who make, you know, $60 million a year have hairs fall out in handfuls and never do anything about it.

2:54🔗 Drew And why should they?

2:56🔗 Adam Why should they? Cause you're just, because we're talking about him right now. Now I'm better looking than he is, but his dad I've overtaken him.

3:02🔗 Best Of His wife is spectacular.

3:04🔗 Adam But I could have her now. Because I'm better.

3:06🔗 Best Of Bridget, what's her name? Bridget Hall? Is her name Bridget?

3:10🔗 Adam Bridget Hall, yeah.

3:10🔗 Best Of She's absolutely spectacular. She was in, she's like the only thing, the reason to watch tennis really is because they might go to a shot of her.

3:18🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, it's like when Jason Sehorn plays once in a while, they cut up the Angie Harmon up in the stands and you can, if you're quick, you can squeeze one off. It's only a matter of seconds and you'll have to get started. But if you time it just right, it's spectacular.

3:33🔗 Best Of When do we go on? Oh, we're on? Oh, good time.

3:36🔗 Adam So let's talk about Windy City Heat.

3:38🔗 Best Of It is something, there's a man named Perry that we've been screwing with for 11 years. These guys, Don Barris and Tony Barbier have been screwing with him and they've made tapes of all sorts with the guy and there's some hilarious stuff. And we decided to make a movie out of it. Now, Perry thinks he's the star of a major motion picture called Windy City Heat. He plays Stone Fury, a sports private investigator, and he gets the girls and he gets to fight the bad guys. But what he doesn't realize is the whole movie is the behind the scenes of the movie. It is like The Truman Show if The Truman Show was filled with pranks. In other words, there's one guy that the whole world is watching. There are at least 100 people involved with the production of this. Perry's the only one that doesn't know what's going on.

4:26🔗 Adam It's The Truman Show if Jim Carrey was actually Truman, the character, and had no idea what was going on.

4:33🔗 Drew Is it like Joe Schmo?

4:35🔗 Best Of No, it's not exactly like that. It's much deeper than that.

4:39🔗 Adam It's more layered. That's a bagel.

4:41🔗 Drew That's the way Adam is a less true looking version of Pete Sampras.

4:45🔗 Best Of It's even more dramatic than that.

4:47🔗 Drew It's like a bagel?

4:48🔗 Adam All right, I was gonna say it's like a bagel and this is a croissant. But you just kept rolling right along.

4:54🔗 Best Of Yeah, yeah.

4:55🔗 Adam You keep talking, you keep talking. All right, where are we?

4:58🔗 Best Of Watch it anyway, it's funny, it's really funny. It's a classic. We already have some very famous people that are big fans of it. Eminem is a very big fan of the movie. He's watched a million times. A million times, Robin Williams, Pete Sampras loves the movie, he and Bridget Hall.

5:14🔗 Adam Fred Savage, huge fan of it.

5:17🔗 Best Of Who's vowed to destroy me and claims the two of you were booed off the stage at Stanford University.

5:24🔗 Adam Yeah, you know, it's funny, I was just talking to Drew about this before the show, which is like, I've gotten many bad reviews over the years and unfortunately, Drew, almost like Hitler's dog, gets lumped in with a lot of this bad stuff. Like, Drew's just sitting around trying to keep the kids off the heroin, but when they bring me up, they'll take a few jabs at him too, just because we sit in the same room every night.

5:47🔗 Drew I remember smugly preening.

5:49🔗 Adam Smugly preening, that's right, during one of the interviews. It started off as a bad interview for the Man Show, or bad review for the Man Show, and just turned into a quick knee in the groin for Drew too, which is funny. But yes, it's Fred Savage, who obviously has a bone to pick with Jimmy Kimmel, who's now attacked me as well.

6:09🔗 Best Of Where did that come from? He doesn't like Ben Stein either, and Ben was on the show with him on the Wonder Years. Apparently I made a joke about him on Letterman, which is a very mild joke. I barely even remember saying it, and he's never forgiven. He remembers every word of it, which is the sign that it really traumatized somebody, when they recount it, and I was like, I don't think so, I don't think, he's like, oh yes, yes, yes, yes. And he goes into the details of it. I tried to apologize, he wanted none of it, but I was snickering the whole time. I think he was, I'm not sure if he was, I don't know, he was about 70% serious and 30% kidding.

6:49🔗 Adam This is at the Playboy Mansion.

6:51🔗 Best Of But he's vowed to destroy me.

6:55🔗 Adam He's probably one of these guys, by the way, that's like a fifth degree black belt in Taekwondo or something, little guys always get into that, but it's always kind of cute when you find out that Webster is a sixth degree in Shotokai or something. They're like, all right.

7:11🔗 Best Of Imagine how humiliating I get my ass kicked by Kevin from Wonder Years.

7:15🔗 Adam It would be good.

7:16🔗 Yeah, it would be good for you.

7:17🔗 Adam It'd be a good story. Michael?

7:20🔗 Yeah, I can't never really get my wife past the tip of the finger as far as anal, anally said.

7:29🔗 Adam What century are you calling from, Michael? Do they have phones in your century? I think we have a math problem here. He's calling from the 1700s.

7:38🔗 Best Of This is the guy from The Simpsons, I think.

7:40🔗 Adam Yeah, the guy with all the kids. Hey, Cletus, what's up? So you can't never give your wife what?

7:47🔗 Well, she can't really get past just the tip of the finger anally. I mean, some women, you know, they can get pounded. You know, how do you, how do you get past that?

7:55🔗 Adam What Michael is not saying is that he's leading with the elbow. So it's a real tall order to get past that second knuckle, you know, that's what we call the hard way. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to bring you up to my knuckle, but I'm going with the elbow.

8:08🔗 Drew He's got that gentleman's twang. He's undoubtedly a Cotillion boy.

8:12🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, maybe that's just her.

8:16🔗 Best Of Does she want to?

8:17🔗 Oh yeah, she wants to, but I guess I get, you know, I'm not hung like a small pony or anything, but she just can't get past the, I guess the size of her back there.

8:26🔗 Drew This is as a Mason George Oaken.

8:28🔗 Adam Yeah, Michael, you're really, you're not real, are you?

8:31🔗 No, I'm serious.

8:33🔗 Best Of What's her name?

8:34🔗 Her name's Linda.

8:38🔗 Adam You're calling from Georgia?

8:40🔗 Uh-huh.

8:41🔗 Adam What part of Georgia?

8:42🔗 Canton.

8:43🔗 Adam What station do you listen to us on?

8:45🔗 96 Rock.

8:46🔗 Best Of Ah-ha. Well, those are questions that he can answer. You know what I did when I had this problem with my lover, Adam, now, what you need to do is-

8:57🔗 Drew You have to shave him first. You can find his anus.

8:59🔗 Best Of Remember my penis hole almost closed up?

9:01🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

9:02🔗 Drew I was there.

9:02🔗 Best Of Yes, you were more than just there. You were there.

9:06🔗 Adam We all remember where we were. It's like Kennedy being shot.

9:08🔗 Best Of Well, what they did was they put a series of rods graduating in size to enlarge the opening.

9:15🔗 Drew Right, the spikes, though, I believe, in your case.

9:17🔗 Best Of Yeah, so what you gotta do is start small and then stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch until she looks like a tent.

9:24🔗 Drew Right, and they have little devices, I guess, you can get, but it doesn't sound like somebody who would enjoy this. I don't think she really wants it as much as Michael suspects she is.

9:31🔗 Adam They have those loose-sized, graduated in size, anal, anal in his trunk. They're sort of a shape of a bishop or something that just keeps getting bigger.

9:42🔗 Drew I've not seen the kid.

9:44🔗 Adam They have them for the vagina, though, yes?

9:45🔗 Drew They have them to make vaginas kind of thing when they were trying to make a vagina when the male, female.

9:52🔗 Best Of They look like little plastic Christmas trees.

9:54🔗 Adam I tried that, too, with the thing and the vagina, but the ground beef wouldn't hold its shape. I found.

10:00🔗 Drew I'll switch back to cantaloupes.

10:02🔗 Best Of Yeah. All right, so I learned something about my friend, Adam Carolla. I thought I knew everything about Adam, especially the disgusting things.

10:10🔗 Adam Jim and I, as it turns out. Did not know that.

10:13🔗 Best Of Yes, but something, well, his friend Ray revealed this to me.

10:17🔗 Drew Ray claims to have lots of stuff on Adam that we would never imagine.

10:22🔗 Adam And I think you could imagine.

10:23🔗 Drew That's what I said.

10:24🔗 Adam That's what I said. And what I did, kill the man and then blow him.

10:28🔗 Best Of Apparently has moved his bowels in the shower and pushed it down the shower drain hole with his heel. Packed it down in there.

10:38🔗 Adam Heel and toe, like a good race car driver works a clutch. Yeah.

10:43🔗 Drew Yeah, no surprise.

10:44🔗 Adam No surprise.

10:45🔗 Drew Did Ray mention what he did to Adam?

10:47🔗 Best Of I don't know. There were many things.

10:50🔗 Drew Ray borrowed a sock cap from Adam. And when Ray gave it back to him. Well, those cap, you know, like my cap.

10:56🔗 Adam My beloved Rams beanie.

10:57🔗 Drew Beanie, yeah. Right. When he gave it, it was time to give it back. Adam asked for it and Ray said, here, have it back. And he filled it with Duke, his own, and gave it back to him.

11:05🔗 Adam He handed it to me like it was a, like a mother handing a lunch set to a young son.

11:11🔗 It's great.

11:13🔗 Adam Jeez, what is this weight at the bottom of my, what could it be? Let me think.

11:18🔗 Best Of How did it happen? Did, I mean, did you have your tails surgically cut off or did they just wear off as pant from pants?

11:27🔗 Adam I don't know why I took a crap in the shower, to be honest with you, but.

11:31🔗 Best Of That one's hard to figure.

11:32🔗 Drew Well, you know, we're used to his, used as a toilet, you understand, he lived in a garage.

11:37🔗 Adam That is true. And his, I crapped in a decorative popcorn can for many a month that my cousin gave me. And by the way, no greater gift for an 18 year old than a decorative tin of assorted popcorn.

11:51🔗 Five gallons of cheap popcorn.

11:52🔗 Adam Oh, it's great. But caramel corn, one is done in 10 minutes and then you slowly peck away at the cheddar cheese one for the rest of the month.

12:00🔗 Drew It was not like a cat box where you clean it out regularly. He accumulated.

12:04🔗 Best Of Right, well, you can't just, you know, what are you gonna do?

12:08🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:08🔗 Best Of The shower.

12:09🔗 Adam I think that's what my uncle Vince had in mind when he gave me. It was unspoken, but understood when he handed it to me.

12:16🔗 Drew So the shower.

12:17🔗 Best Of Empty it, then fill it.

12:18🔗 Adam That's right. All right. Well, here's why I crapped in the shower is because.

12:23🔗 Best Of Well, your feet away from the toilet. I mean, you're not gonna, you know.

12:26🔗 Adam I didn't want to, I had to take a dump and I realized I don't want to take a dump with my fresh shower body and have the, you know, dingleberries down there. I don't want to get out, you know. And by the way, a lot of accidents happen in the bathroom. Drew, back me up on this.

12:40🔗 Drew Trying to crap in the shower or for going from the shower to the toilet?

12:43🔗 Adam No, getting cocky and tempting fate by getting out of the shower to Duke and then climbing back into the shower. It's a very dangerous terrain to negotiate. Very dangerous, very dangerous. Many of my own family members went that way and I'm not gonna make the same mistake.

12:58🔗 Drew And so you've always been a man for efficiency and so, you know.

13:02🔗 Adam I'm sure it was a rental and I'm standing behind my decision.

13:06🔗 Best Of And it happened more than once though, did it not?

13:09🔗 Adam More than once, but way less than 500 times. Way less than 500.

13:16🔗 Drew But Adam has regaled this, Jimmy, with the story of the bathtub and you and he and the.

13:23🔗 Adam I mean, Jimmy Benoist.

13:24🔗 Best Of Well, that was done intentionally to punish. It wasn't just done.

13:27🔗 Adam Think about, by the way though, like when you have, whenever, and I know you think about this, when you think about like Schwarzenegger running for office and it was like there was a polaroid of a partially nude woman that was put on the ceiling of a makeup trailer and he used to look at it while he was getting his makeup on. Think how that sounds next to beating off in a half full tub or slinging some duke at your buddy.

13:51🔗 Laughing time is over.

13:53🔗 Adam Taking a magic marker and drawing a huge penis on him when he's drunk and passed out. I mean, think about how bad.

14:01🔗 Best Of I did it to my younger brother and he was sleeping.

14:03🔗 Drew I understand you guys are high up the hierarchy of ABC. This is why we have this guy running for governor.

14:08🔗 Best Of I guess we're not.

14:09🔗 Drew And we can accept this without any trouble.

14:11🔗 Best Of Hold political office. I know.

14:13🔗 Drew No, that could be the next day.

14:14🔗 Adam My only problem is getting myself into trouble through not reacting enough to the horrible things that other people have done. I remember when my friend's mom said, I was driving in my car on my way home from work. She was very disturbed. She's very disturbed. This just happened today. I looked to my right. We were at a stop sign. A man was masturbating in his car. I was exposed to it. I don't know what kind of maniac. And I'm thinking, she's been off the car a hundred times. I drove a stick and I beat off on Rambla Pacifica in Malibu for Christ's sake. I could have died. They would have found me there.

14:51🔗 But you won't get out of the shower.

14:55🔗 Adam That's why I should have a cologne named after me. You understand? Enigma. Enigma, that's what it should be called. This cologne is fashioned after a man who will mash his own feces down with his heel, yet beats off in his Nissan mini truck on Rambla Pacifica. Enigma, are you that kind of guy with an enigmas for you? Or maybe you just want to be that kind of guy. Yeah, that kind. For every guy who is that guy and for every future one of those guys, enigma.

15:32🔗 Best Of I like that.

15:36🔗 Adam Mary? You're 24? What's up?

15:42🔗 Best Of You smell like enigma. Yeah.

15:45🔗 Adam You ever crap in the shower?

15:47🔗 No, not recently.

15:48🔗 Adam Really?

15:53🔗 Drew Your shirt works too, do you mean?

15:54🔗 Adam Well, la-dee-dah, your highness.

15:56🔗 Drew This is the way-

15:57🔗 We're all impressed.

15:58🔗 Drew That's how your shirt works?

16:00🔗 Something like that.

16:01🔗 Only without all the fun.

16:03🔗 Adam What's up there, Mary?

16:05🔗 Well, for the past couple weeks or so, me and my girlfriend, like we've been having sex and it just stopped. I can't orgasm.

16:14🔗 Drew Is it a new girlfriend? Ooh, interesting. Are you interested in sex at all with her?

16:21🔗 Yeah, I love it.

16:23🔗 Adam Yeah, she goes down on you?

16:25🔗 Oh yeah.

16:26🔗 Adam Do you have a vibrator? You don't, no strap on?

16:31🔗 We haven't tried that. She's not really into that kind of stuff.

16:33🔗 Drew Oh yeah, are you okay, Adam? You're right.

16:34🔗 Adam And it just seems to sort of Yeah, it seems like you'd get to that. Take the wind out of the lesbian sail for me.

16:40🔗 Drew Just like with the males, the oral sex is the main thing, I think.

16:43🔗 Adam That is weird.

16:44🔗 Drew Yeah.

16:44🔗 Adam Yeah.

16:44🔗 Drew Yeah, and it was upset to find out that most gay men don't engage in anal sex.

16:48🔗 Best Of Yeah, I found that out a couple years ago also.

16:51🔗 Adam And I just, I was really worried that it sort of hurt comedy a little bit to find out there was no real corn holeing going on.

16:58🔗 Drew No, it goes on. It's just not as pervasive as you might've thought.

17:02🔗 Best Of It's not as much of it as we'd like.

17:04🔗 Adam Right, that's what we're saying. We'd like to see them step it up a little.

17:06🔗 Drew Mary, you want any medication?

17:08🔗 No, I'm not.

17:08🔗 Drew Anything else going on that might be affecting you physically?

17:11🔗 No, I mean, it's just really, it's really stressing me out.

17:15🔗 Best Of Is your vagina tired?

17:16🔗 Drew Is the relationship okay?

17:18🔗 Oh yeah, it's great.

17:20🔗 Adam So is it that you're not into her or that you've just sort of, you're a woman, you're in a long-term relationship. Drew always says that a lot of these lesbian relationships just sort of settle into this semi-platonic cuddling relationship, this partnership.

17:35🔗 Drew They stop having sex.

17:35🔗 Adam Sort of like what happens with a lot of women in long-term marriages with men.

17:40🔗 Drew When, yeah.

17:42🔗 Adam Could this be happening?

17:43🔗 I'm very physically and emotionally attracted to her.

17:47🔗 Drew And so is the orgasm important to you? Or you're not gonna have sex with her if you don't feel you can orgasm?

17:52🔗 We've been trying. I mean, this happened a week, or I'm sorry, two weeks ago or so. And it really just scared me because this never happened to me before.

18:00🔗 Drew You're usually pretty easy to orgasm?

18:02🔗 Oh yeah.

18:03🔗 Drew And now all of a sudden you can't.

18:05🔗 Yeah, it's like a light switch. It's just, I get close to, you know, the orgasm and it just like turns off.

18:10🔗 Drew Have you had a medical evaluation?

18:12🔗 Are you sure you don't need any?

18:15🔗 Drew No medication, no vitamins, no nothing. Birth control pills?

18:18🔗 No.

18:19🔗 Drew Nothing.

18:20🔗 Hold on a second, Drew.

18:21🔗 Adam What, she need birth control pills?

18:23🔗 Drew For regulating her period or endometriosis or something. I mean, she might be on something and not be thinking of it as anything.

18:27🔗 Best Of Maybe she just likes the taste.

18:31🔗 Adam Hey, Mary?

18:32🔗 Drew She's a lesbian, she still has periods, all right?

18:35🔗 Best Of Why don't you guys try out a vibrator?

18:37🔗 Well, I mean, she's a little bit older than I am and she's really conservative. How old is she?

18:44🔗 Adam So what? She's 30?

18:45🔗 Best Of Conservative.

18:45🔗 Adam Yeah.

18:46🔗 Best Of How conservative can she be when she's down, when they're facing between your legs there in the sheets?

18:52🔗 Adam She's an NRA, she's very uptight. Real Nancy Reagan type.

18:56🔗 I think so.

18:57🔗 Adam All right, so let's see.

18:58🔗 Drew I think she would be okay with something.

18:59🔗 Adam Let's just see her with wearing like a Jackie Kennedy pill hat and some pearl beads going down on her.

19:08🔗 I think the effects of her working with 60 plus age women for so long really kind of got to her.

19:15🔗 Adam What'd she do?

19:16🔗 She works in an office.

19:19🔗 Adam With old women?

19:21🔗 Yeah.

19:23🔗 Drew Why do I feel like we're going bogus all of a sudden?

19:25🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't know what that, I'm not sure how germane that information is either. All right, just look. Here's the thing too, everybody. Sometimes you can get a little sexual slump. Can you not, Drew? There's not always a problem. You just need to push through it.

19:37🔗 Best Of Yeah. Here's what you should do. Next time you guys are engaged. Whatever you call it. Engaged. Smack her right across the face and say, try harder. Yeah, and then see what happens.

19:48🔗 Adam Put some pressure on her or let some wind go. Women don't do that enough. I eat chili over Jimmy's house yesterday and was blowing tremendous gas.

19:59🔗 Best Of I've been just crazy.

20:00🔗 Adam Yeah, no, I was blowing the gas later that night.

20:03🔗 Best Of It took like a good 12 hours for it to catch up to me.

20:06🔗 Yeah, it did kick in too.

20:07🔗 Yeah, oh yeah.

20:08🔗 Best Of And everyone too, everyone at the show.

20:10🔗 Adam Good food. I mean, gas takes, like we're talking about- We're talking about how food poisoning takes about 12 hours to kick in. And good gas after something you ate, six to 12.

20:22🔗 Drew That's to cure, yeah.

20:23🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah. So try that. Yeah. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Glad we could help. Jimmy Kimmel here tonight from Jimmy Kimmel Live, ABC. Take a quick break, we'll be right back.

20:37🔗 Hello, this is your radio.

20:52🔗 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Well, Jimmy Kimmel let the door hit him in the ass on the way out, and we're moving on to bigger and better things. That's true.

20:59🔗 Drew Yes, that Kimmel guy. Is that, is that?

21:02🔗 Adam Kimmel. Kimmel.

21:04🔗 Kimmel.

21:05🔗 Adam There was an admiral by his name, I believe. That's how I can pronounce it. All right, everyone, please enjoy Puddle of Mudd.

21:19🔗 It's always like, it's kizzer. It's always like, my zoom, my zoom, my zoom zoom zee.

21:26🔗 Adam Yeah. Wesley's here from Puddle of Mudd.

21:30🔗 Everybody get up, come on.

21:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

21:33🔗 You gotta hear what Drew was doing during the break.

21:35🔗 It's good stuff.

21:37🔗 Adam Let's listen to it. Did you record it?

21:39🔗 Drew Come on. That's right, that's right.

21:40🔗 Drew, come on, it's good, I got the good stuff. Oh, you can't hear it.

21:58🔗 Adam Drew playing the piano during the break.

22:02🔗 Drew Oh, come on.

22:04🔗 Adam Drew, what is it? Are you in a shaky, Drew? What's going on? I got a piano in the studio.

22:14🔗 Drew Yes, there's a guy, there's a guy, does AM morning shows here locally in Syracuse and he plays the piano while he's doing his morning show. Is that funny?

22:22🔗 Adam I could, I could dig that.

22:23🔗 Drew That's awesome, I think.

22:24🔗 Adam You know, I thought what was one of the coolest jobs ever when I was growing up. Remember when you'd go to the mall and there was a guy who played the organ out front of the mall. He just sat there in front of the organ store playing, you know, high yellow ribbon on the organ. And I just walked by that guy and go, wow, this guy's set for life, right? I mean, he's got it made. He's the king of the mall. First off, everyone bows to him. The guys at Hot Dog on a stick, the Orange Julius guys, they all kiss his ass. And he's just out there and it's sort of for everyone to hear. It's not just the people that are in front of the piano store. I mean, it echoes. The entire mall echoes with the sounds that come from that guy's 88s. That, Drew, I can see you getting into that.

23:07🔗 Drew That'd be me.

23:08🔗 That piano sounded really out of tune, man.

23:10🔗 Drew Yes, it is.

23:11🔗 Adam Is it a, what do you got in there? An upright?

23:14🔗 Drew It's a little old upright. It doesn't have a name on it.

23:17🔗 Adam Drew, get over there and play something.

23:19🔗 Drew It's called the nameless.

23:19🔗 Adam No, come on.

23:20🔗 Drew That's, no.

23:21🔗 Adam What do you got? Can you do chopsticks? Yeah. What can you do, Drew? Yeah, do something. We'll do a little Scott Joplin for us or something. What the hell?

23:41🔗 Drew Et cetera, et cetera.

23:42🔗 Adam No, Drew.

23:42🔗 Drew Working it, man.

23:43🔗 Adam Drew, for 10 years, never seen him touch a piano. Drew, what else do you do, buddy? You speak French? Don't tell me you speak French.

23:51🔗 Drew No, no, may know.

23:55🔗 Adam Drew, sing in French while you play the piano.

23:58🔗 Drew Okay, I need to. Let's hear a Puddle of Mudd song.

24:03🔗 Adam But you got talent, you know what I mean?

24:05🔗 Drew Yeah, thanks, buddy. That's what you always told me. I think the words you used, I think instead of talent, I think the words you used were boring, wooden.

24:13🔗 Adam No.

24:14🔗 Drew What were the other words?

24:15🔗 Adam Not when you're playing that Scott Joplin on the piano.

24:18🔗 Drew I see.

24:18🔗 Adam All right, get on the piano and make with the tickling of the keys, would you?

24:22🔗 Drew Enough, enough.

24:28🔗 Adam It sounds like a pigeon landed on it.

24:30🔗 It's a pianist.

24:33🔗 Adam All right, let's go back. Drew, guess what I did while the song was playing, besides bang my head.

24:38🔗 Drew You went pee.

24:39🔗 Adam No, I looked to see what calls I wanted to take next. Ooh, wow. That's right.

24:45🔗 Drew Wow, you're a pro.

24:46🔗 Adam All business. I'm gonna start with Terry over here, who's 19. Terry. Hi.

24:52🔗 Hey, Terry, what's up?

24:53🔗 Adam Just married. Calling from Alaska.

24:57🔗 Yes.

24:58🔗 Adam Nice.

24:58🔗 Damn, she's cold.

25:01🔗 Adam You got a question about waiting to have sex?

25:05🔗 No, I waited until I was married to have sex. And now I don't know what an orgasm feels like or what I'm supposed to do or anything. I'm completely in the dark.

25:19🔗 Drew How old are you now?

25:20🔗 19.

25:22🔗 Drew And you have a boyfriend?

25:24🔗 Adam Oh, she's married.

25:24🔗 Drew Husband, I'm sorry.

25:25🔗 Adam Just got married.

25:26🔗 Drew And he's not telling you what he likes or what's the problem?

25:30🔗 No, no, me.

25:31🔗 Drew I know, but what do you mean you're not...

25:33🔗 He's fine. He's fine. I just don't know how I'm supposed to have an orgasm or anything like that. I've never been...

25:42🔗 Adam Yeah, well, you need to just basically wait about 15 minutes and then fake it.

25:49🔗 Drew You're gonna have to probably start masturbating and trying to figure it out for yourself and then telling him what it is you want and what you need. It's not gonna happen during intercourse. You can forget about that.

26:00🔗 Adam For now. Does he give you oral sex? Have you tried it?

26:05🔗 He must not be very good.

26:07🔗 Adam Not so good at the oral sex? He's gonna have to improve his oral sex technique and you're gonna have to help him if you want an orgasm.

26:19🔗 I don't know how you couldn't be good at that though.

26:22🔗 It's not that hard.

26:24🔗 Adam You know the promise?

26:25🔗 Pretty simple.

26:26🔗 Adam Let me tell you the problem with the young guys and this guy's a young guy?

26:29🔗 Yes, he's 19, 20.

26:31🔗 Adam They push a little too hard. They try too hard. The thing about oral sex is a smooth, consistent pace. Here's what you gotta be like with oral sex. You gotta be like, if you take a guy and you take him a mile off the coast, you drop him out in the middle of the ocean, if he starts flailing and flapping and kicking and making a fuss, he's never gonna make it to shore. He's gonna drown. Best way, smooth, even stroke. Barely make a ripple as you're going through the water. Nice and smooth, consistent, rhythmic. That's good. Guys, they shove their face down there and they go sick. They have a spaz.

27:12🔗 Caller Yeah, they like freak out.

27:14🔗 Adam Yeah, they go nuts. And then the chick starts responding like she's not too comfortable. So they go double time. And now you're in trouble. Nice and smooth, yes?

27:23🔗 Cause the lady's gonna kinda, they kinda gotta flow into the whole system.

27:27🔗 Adam I think it's time to get my cat analogy.

27:29🔗 Drew Yes, yes, perfect.

27:31🔗 Adam Let's see. Man would like his penis treated like a nine-year-old treats a Labrador. You know what I mean? Just dive on and work it, man. Just come here by grabbing the ears, rustling it down, pulling the paws out, flopping it down, shoving the face in the belly. Rustle that penis down. Now, you try, but a woman, woman, she needs to be treated like a cat. You can't just go bounding across the limo and pounce on the cat, goes right under the sofa or on top of the refrigerator. Cat, you put that hand out. Cat'll come by sniff around. Cat'll rub on it a little bit, put a little pressure on it. Cat will create its own pressure, just like the vagina will. Put a little pressure on the vagina. If it feels good, it'll push back a little bit. If you feel it pushing back, that's a good sign. If you feel it pulling away, that's a bad sign, but smooth, even strokes. If you want that cat to stay on your lap, you don't start grabbing on it and twisting its ears and going at it from every direction. Smooth, consistent, even stroke. Just a little loving. That's right, that's right. And the cat, the cat, when it starts finding something it really likes, it'll start pushing, start leaning, start rising a little bit.

28:40🔗 Drew Show you that part.

28:41🔗 Adam That's right, that's right. And then.

28:43🔗 Right on, got it down.

28:45🔗 Adam Then it's TV time.

28:48🔗 Drew It's football time.

28:49🔗 Adam Yeah, you get to the TiVo, that's the final destination, fellas. All right, so she need, and as a woman, as a cat, don't be scared to tell that nine-year-old that's treating you like the Labrador, hey, slow it down a little, Sparky. Just nice and smooth, nice and even. All right, we have a Germany or Florida here, Drew. Yeah?

29:11🔗 Oh, good.

29:11🔗 All right, this is Zach.

29:17🔗 Adam Now, be prepared to be underwhelmed because it's a 14-year-old Zach. Zach?

29:23🔗 Caller All right. All right, a six-year-old boy has been torn to death by two fighting dogs in school. Two of the children are reported to have been hurt by the rampaging dogs, a pit bull and a stafford terrier. The boy who was in Turkish origin died of his injuries soon after the dogs attacked him. It's a school yard playground, where there's children who are taking part in games, laughing, and some of them rushed to the scene, shot the dogs, and killed them.

29:50🔗 Drew Shot the dogs. We would have hurt them. Well, first of all, in Florida, they wouldn't shoot the dogs.

29:54🔗 Adam No, they give the dogs the key to the city in Florida.

29:58🔗 Drew Right, right.

29:58🔗 Adam If you kill someone under 10, you're considered royalty in Florida as a dog. All right. Number, yes, and also they like their dogs over there in Germany and the Turkish descent, that could be a German thing. We could also just be a push because, no, Lord knows, Florida is just a mixed bag of crayons. You never know what you're gonna get over there ethnically. We say in Germany here? I'd say Germany. Well, it says Germany. We all go Germany. Germany, Zach. German Shepherd. Are we right? Yeah. Thank you. All right, we're really 17 out of 18 in the Germany or Florida. Yes, Drew?

30:38🔗 Drew Yes.

30:39🔗 Adam All right.

30:40🔗 Drew We're fantastic at this.

30:42🔗 Adam John Stamos, the 26th Beach Boy is on line seven or so. So it says, we'll find out. John?

30:53🔗 Caller Hi, Adam.

30:54🔗 Adam It goes by the name. John Stamos? Adam? What's happening, my brother?

30:58🔗 Caller I just did your boy Jimmy's show.

31:01🔗 Adam That's right. He's good people, isn't he?

31:03🔗 Caller He's good and he's funny, but I wanted to talk to you because I've been dying to do your show.

31:09🔗 Adam Really?

31:10🔗 Caller And talk about sex and such.

31:12🔗 Adam Because producer Anne has been dying to get you in here for ever since you were blacky on Days of Our Lives.

31:19🔗 Caller Nobody asked me.

31:21🔗 Adam Nobody's asked you? Well, see, these are what publicists do, John. They get in between the artists.

31:27🔗 Caller Well, you got your boy Louis who would never, you know.

31:30🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Is my publicist your publicist?

31:32🔗 Caller Yes.

31:33🔗 Adam Let me tell you how evil publicists are. They even keep their own clients away from each other. They're that evil.

31:39🔗 Caller There's Dr. Drew there.

31:42🔗 Drew Yes, John.

31:43🔗 Adam Hi, doctor. Talk to John.

31:46🔗 Caller Jimmy just jumped on.

31:47🔗 Caller Hi, guys.

31:48🔗 Caller How are you?

31:48🔗 Adam Hi, Jimmy.

31:49🔗 Caller What's happening?

31:50🔗 Caller We're having a party afterwards.

31:52🔗 Adam How'd the show go tonight?

31:53🔗 Caller The show went well. Very well. We had a midget kiss band.

31:57🔗 Caller Freaked me out.

31:58🔗 Adam Nice.

31:59🔗 Caller And John, actually, he's terrified of midgets.

32:02🔗 Adam Smart.

32:03🔗 Caller And the greatest thing is he's got a midget thing, I guess whatever the reverse of fetishes. And the kryptonite, at the end of the night, they were sitting up on the bar, and one of the guys said, hey, who's gonna help me down? And he extended his, I wouldn't say hand, more of a paw.

32:20🔗 Caller He extended his paw, and John and I, Jimmy's like, hey, help him down to make out with him.

32:25🔗 Caller And then we did that thing you do with kids where you take a one, two, three, swing. We just kept doing it.

32:32🔗 Drew Were these dwarfs or midgets?

32:35🔗 Caller Dwarfs.

32:36🔗 Caller Here's the honest truth. I've had an issue with little people like the last 10 or 15 years. Everywhere I would go, like to Disneyland or to anywhere in public, little people would kind of show up at dinner, like a family of little people. And people thought I was crazy. And then my friends would go out and they'd say, Oh my God, you're right. But then I met Rebecca and they kind of disappeared.

32:59🔗 Caller So she's very tall. They're afraid they'll get stomped.

33:02🔗 Caller No, but that's one of the reasons why I married her. A lot of people think that's all, you know, she's cool. But that was, you know, I couldn't talk about it in my vows, but.

33:09🔗 Caller What garlic is to vampires, Rebecca, is to midgets.

33:12🔗 Caller Kryptonite.

33:14🔗 Adam That is a.

33:16🔗 Caller But no, I'm kidding. These guys were great.

33:18🔗 Adam No, we don't like midgets. I'm with you. And why should someone as physically perfect as you or Rebecca have to put up with anybody that's less than that? I totally agree with Stamos. The beautiful people do not need to talk to the warts on the ass of society.

33:33🔗 Caller No, no, no, it's not about looks. It's about money.

33:37🔗 Adam You chill with the Olsen twins and the Beach Boys. You leave the midgets and the ugly people to me and Kimmel. We know how to handle them.

33:43🔗 Caller You know what freaked me out?

33:45🔗 Caller When I met you and I was so excited to meet you because I'm such a fan, your wife was like, told me that you watch Full House all the time.

33:52🔗 Adam Yes. Constantly.

33:55🔗 You're gay.

33:56🔗 Adam I love Full House. It's good family entertainment. And I'm also was a big TGI Friday fan too.

34:04🔗 Really?

34:06🔗 Caller I like the Fred Savage's brother and everything, right?

34:10🔗 Adam And I loved Full House. I loved, you were a tough biker with a heart of gold though. You know what I mean? You really were. You loved those kids. I'm sure you don't talk to any of the cast anymore, but I mean on the show, you were fond of them, right?

34:27🔗 Caller When I need money, I talk to the twins.

34:29🔗 Adam Fantastic.

34:30🔗 Caller Who else is on the show tonight? I hear another voice.

34:33🔗 Adam Oh, Wesley's here from Puddle of Mudd.

34:35🔗 Caller How you doing, brother? Hi, Wesley.

34:38🔗 Adam We can't.

34:38🔗 Caller Okay, sex, go sex.

34:39🔗 Adam We gotta take a break. Can you guys hang on?

34:42🔗 Caller I'm gonna let John hang on. No, hell no.

34:44🔗 I can't hold on for sex.

34:46🔗 Caller We're interrupting Puddle of Mudd though.

34:48🔗 Yeah, man. What's up?

34:49🔗 Caller What's up?

34:49🔗 Caller I'm sorry, guys.

34:50🔗 Adam Are you guys in, are you in Jimmy's dressing room?

34:53🔗 Caller Yeah, it's great, it's great.

34:55🔗 Adam Is Rebecca over there? Oh, Sarah's over there?

34:57🔗 We went over here with her shirt off.

34:58🔗 Caller John Favreau's here.

34:59🔗 Adam Listen, John, I'm, you guys, hey Jimmy, I think there's gonna be some swinging going on. Well, we'll see.

35:06🔗 Caller I'm gonna try to get Favreau out of his pants.

35:07🔗 Caller Favreau just walked in, he's naked.

35:11🔗 Adam All right, listen, John, come in and talk to us in person as soon as you can.

35:15🔗 Caller I really would, cause I'm such a huge fan of the show and I want to talk sex. I want to keep Rebecca off the show cause she's a little loose-lipped.

35:22🔗 Adam Fine, we don't need any midget, hatin trouble makers on this show. God bless ya. All right, Adam. See you tomorrow. John, I'll see ya in...

35:33🔗 Drew Oh yeah, you like that?

35:34🔗 Adam What's that?

35:35🔗 Drew His meat cutting board.

35:37🔗 Adam All right, we gotta take a quick break. We'll be right back.

35:40🔗 Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

35:46🔗 Call 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

35:59🔗 Adam I'm Adam and that's Dr. Drew. We move forward with the best of Loveline.

36:03🔗 Drew Oh, the very best. Yeah. Really? It's gonna be a let down when we come back, actually.

36:07🔗 Adam Yeah.

36:08🔗 Drew Yeah. For more than just us.

36:09🔗 Adam All right. Bachelor, Bob Guiney. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Bob Guiney, our guest tonight. Bob is The Bachelor, ABC. See, the group date starts this way. Now, it must be nice to relive that.

36:34🔗 Caller Yeah, it is nice. It's hard watching it. The first episode I watched with my mother. So at the end of it, I ended up in, you know, curled up in the fetal position, freaking out. But episode two will be a lot better, I think.

36:45🔗 Adam Yeah, mom won't be gone. Break out the tub of Nivea and the brawny towels. They're just a couple of Mickey's Tall Boys and just, just, just hunker down, you know what I'm saying? Hunker's the operative word there. Yeah, that's gotta be nice. And you know what's nice? I was saying to Drew that the women become very competitive and, and Bob, nothing wrong with you, buddy. I mean, you're a dynamite individual and a delight, I must say, but once it's game on, it's game on. And they're all, they're all in love with you. The first day they, they met you. And they're beautiful young women who aren't, you know, it's not like, oh, she's homeless. She's a junkie. She just, she was working one of those ranches out in Nevada. And now these are like school teachers and dental assistants and stuff like that. They're 24 and they're hot. And the first day they're all in love with Bob. And it is, I think it's the competitive spirit that has been flamed.

37:48🔗 Drew What we'd say is that women, it doesn't matter what they're competing for, the fact that one wants it badly, now they go into a frenzy.

37:57🔗 Adam He's right here.

37:57🔗 Drew He's right here.

37:58🔗 Adam He's sitting right there.

38:00🔗 Drew They gotta really want what's at the other end and they'll kill each other to get that. But if they don't, if they don't really, after that.

38:06🔗 Adam Well, here's what, here's what guys will do, which is kind of funny. Guys will compete fiercely over nothing. Like I've got, I've done stuff with guys where you take a ball of foil and you see who can throw it into a garbage can that's 20 feet away and a fist fight breaks out somewhere in between this make-believe game that has nothing to do with anything. That, or you have to have a million dollars waiting at the end. But if it's something like, let's say there's a car that guys don't, aren't really interested in, they're not going to kill themselves trying to get it. They'll just say, yeah, go take it. I got a better car at home on it right there. Women, once it's the competition, once the game is on, they're on. I mean, they got 25 women all in love.

38:44🔗 Caller It was definitely an interesting experience. I actually was kind of surprised how much the women actually knew about me, I think from The Bachelorette and from, you know, going on the different shows that I'd been on. And it was very flattering and very humbling. And at the same time, it was also kind of, you know, I felt like a huge level of responsibility that I wasn't expecting to feel that early on. And it was interesting.

39:05🔗 Adam Did you feel any strategy coming from any of the women?

39:09🔗 Caller No, I think I was too naive in the beginning to think that there was anything like that going on. Honestly, I thought- But later? Later on, I started kind of finding myself like second guessing everything I was thinking. Because there was, you'll find as the story unfolds, there's, you know, a few people that aren't getting along as well as others. And there was a lot of things going on there. And I was watching it all unfold from kind of like the outside looking in. I wasn't privy to everything going on behind the scenes. So it was really interesting to watch it.

39:35🔗 Adam Oh, it's great too. He's sitting there talking to a couple of girls and then Cammie comes up and she wants to show Bob something by the fool. And then Bob gets up and leaves. And then you hear the VO of the other two girls going, that Cammie, she's such a backstabbing. They're all going after each other. Awesome.

39:51🔗 Caller It's great.

39:53🔗 Adam All right. So, and do they have any, are there any rules? I mean, do they, does ABC say like, listen, no sex or you can't do this or you can't say I love you to somebody halfway into it or you can't make any secret pacts with anybody or?

40:10🔗 Caller No, there's, there weren't any rules given to me by any stretch, but, you know, I don't know that. I don't know. I think, you know, where I was coming from with the show, I think was a little bit different than perhaps anybody else because I'm actually divorced. And I went into it kind of trying, you know, trying to be as serious as I could, but definitely not trying to make any empty promises either.

40:27🔗 Adam So were you were you looking for a soulmate by the end of the show?

40:33🔗 Caller Towards the end of the show, I was realizing that my might have a soulmate in the mess.

40:38🔗 Adam Really?

40:38🔗 Caller Yeah. Very, very potentially. Yeah.

40:41🔗 Adam Still had to bang this other chick. So just to make sure you got to make sure, Drew, of course, you know. Katie.

40:50🔗 Yeah.

40:50🔗 Adam You're 23.

40:52🔗 Caller Yeah, no, it's Katie. Have you gotten any of my e-mails?

40:57🔗 Adam E-mails?

40:59🔗 Caller The different show all together, isn't it?

41:00🔗 Adam E-mails?

41:02🔗 Caller I've been writing to Q&1 for the past month, pretty much to you and Dr. Drew. Where?

41:07🔗 Drew We don't know. We don't have an e-mail address.

41:10🔗 Adam We don't have an e-mail address. Oh, let's let's let's put it this way. Drew, be honest. What is the last piece of e-mail I've seen on this show?

41:19🔗 Drew Four years ago.

41:20🔗 Adam Four.

41:21🔗 Drew Four, maybe five.

41:24🔗 Adam I'll tell you, I'll tell you truthfully, how many pieces of e-mail and how many letters we look at each year? None. None.

41:32🔗 Drew None.

41:34🔗 Adam Once in a while, someone sends a can of smoked almonds over something.

41:37🔗 Drew Then we read the letter.

41:38🔗 Adam Then we read the letter. We eat the can of smoked almonds. But I never see a letter, never see e-mail, never see anything. I don't even know. I don't even know where it goes. Anderson.

41:48🔗 Lauren reads them every day.

41:49🔗 Adam Lauren reads them every day. Oh, really? Yes. And she says if they're if they're good, she'll give them to us. But it's been five years. And listen, I'm not exaggerating when I say we do a national radio show and never see a piece of e-mail. I'm not blaming anybody. I don't want to see an e-mail, but we don't see a letter or a piece of e-mail ever. Ever.

42:12🔗 Caller Thank you.

42:13🔗 Adam But thank you for. Well, what did they say? What did those e-mails say?

42:20🔗 Caller I don't know that just some personal feelings, I guess.

42:25🔗 Drew About Adam?

42:29🔗 Adam And where were you sending them to Q 101?

42:31🔗 Caller Yeah. And I was just confused about.

42:33🔗 Adam Do you think we're out in we're out in Chicago or do you know?

42:37🔗 Caller No, I know where you read that.

42:38🔗 Adam You think they would forward those e-mails to us?

42:41🔗 Caller Yeah, I just I thought you guys were reading them because it seems like sometimes you'd be referring to them.

42:46🔗 Adam Now, listen, you can send an e-mail that said that you found my my grandfather's Super Bowl ring from the from the the 50s and and that you desperately want to return it to me from the 60s. I didn't have a Super Bowl championship ring. I was trying to work out the grandfather and then a World Series ring. You could say that I found Adam Corolla's grand grandfather's World Series baseball ring from the Yankees from the 30s. I have terminal cancer and it's important that I get the ring back to Adam and the doctors only given me 10 days to live. And I guarantee I would never ever see that letter or anything close to it.

43:29🔗 Caller I'm sorry. I've been wasting my time on. Yes.

43:33🔗 Adam Well, I think I would see that letter.

43:35🔗 Drew No, we don't.

43:37🔗 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

43:38🔗 Drew Go ahead. What's that?

43:39🔗 Caller I got your book. I haven't read it yet, but my mom read it and she said it's really good.

43:43🔗 Drew Oh, good.

43:44🔗 Adam And so, you know, then what do you look like?

43:46🔗 Caller What do I look like? Yeah, I'm 510. I sent a picture and everything.

43:55🔗 Adam We don't get anything ever from anybody unless it's we do get we do get food.

44:01🔗 Drew Katie, do you think we're like we don't get anything?

44:04🔗 Adam I've never seen anything ever except for ironically food. And I think that's only because Lauren thinks it may be poison.

44:10🔗 Katie, do you think we're lying?

44:12🔗 Caller I've been sharing way too much information with the world lately. I just I don't know.

44:16🔗 Drew But do you think we're somehow not telling you the truth about not seeing the mail?

44:20🔗 Adam But by the way, let me ask this. What happens to that crap? I mean, if you if you're just some affiliate station, you get a letter with the address and our name on it or an email, just dump it in the garbage.

44:32🔗 Drew I don't know.

44:33🔗 Adam Is that how it goes?

44:33🔗 Drew I don't know.

44:34🔗 Adam What do you think happens?

44:37🔗 Drew Get something garbage. Katie, it's a warehouse somewhere waiting for us to dig through it.

44:43🔗 Adam There's probably some mountain of topless pictures that have been sent to me over the years that have never seen. I call it Boob Mountain.

44:51🔗 Caller Well, yeah.

44:52🔗 Drew All right.

44:52🔗 Adam So, Katie, yes.

44:55🔗 Drew You guys know, is it?

44:56🔗 Caller You know, you listen, you don't you're like a lot to say.

45:00🔗 Adam Well, look, I'll tell you what. Don't don't speak, my love. You just jot it down in the form of a note. The letters keep sake. Forgive me not to spray a little perfume on it. So the intern at one on one can beat off when he gets it before he wipes himself down with it and throws it away. All right. That's enough.

45:16🔗 Caller No, well, she's fine.

45:17🔗 Adam She doesn't have anything to say. I just never I never I don't want an email, but it's still still peculiar.

45:23🔗 Drew What were you saying before? I'm cut you out.

45:25🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, I have this. I have these really strong feelings for Adam, but I don't want to be. I guess I'm confused about. If he has a wife, you know, yes, he has a wife.

45:35🔗 Drew I'm sorry.

45:36🔗 Caller I'm sorry.

45:37🔗 Adam I'm going out of town now.

45:39🔗 Caller Oh, well, I'm sorry.

45:42🔗 Adam Well, what do you look like just for fun?

45:47🔗 Caller I'm 5'10 with brown curly hair.

45:49🔗 Caller You're fat.

45:50🔗 Adam Drew, please.

45:51🔗 Caller How much do you want?

45:52🔗 Caller I'm I'm of average size, I guess. I think I have a nice body.

45:59🔗 Adam Oh, that's true. That's it. One eighty five.

46:01🔗 Caller Oh, no, not one eighty five. Maybe one.

46:06🔗 Two or five.

46:07🔗 Caller Seventy.

46:08🔗 Adam All right.

46:10🔗 Five, ten.

46:10🔗 Adam That's good. Junior college middle linebacker outside backers.

46:14🔗 Caller I'm really sorry.

46:15🔗 Adam I I just thought because I I there's a misunderstanding and I led you on by answering the phone. And I'm sorry. Well, but we'll work it out. I'm out in Chicago all the time. There's like a weird uncomfortable thing where as if Katie and I had been exchange corresponding for a number of years and I told her I was coming out to Chicago and I wanted to stay with her and then she put her hand on my knee. And I went, listen, I'm I'm in a relationship. And then there was an uncomfortable moment. You've been sending e-mails to some jack off at Q 101 who never forwarded them. That's what do we have something going here, Drew? There was a weird little there was a weird little moment, wasn't it? In Katie's mind, there was a little something going, right? Like she was going to call and we're going to go hook up, right?

47:09🔗 Drew You're going to continue some relationship that had already been established.

47:14🔗 Adam Interesting. You see, Bob, I got it too, buddy, except for I got the hundred and eighty pounders from Chicago. No, Katie, it's good. You're good people. Not really people, but one and a half. Now, you're dynamite, dynamite individual. Next time out in Chicago, we're going to hang out.

47:33🔗 Drew Nice thing is that she's awakened to the fact that whatever feeling she did have about you, she's seen the real you now.

47:38🔗 Caller Yeah, they're firmly gone. Yeah, that's good.

47:41🔗 Drew You've done her a favor. And everyone else is listening for that matter.

47:45🔗 Adam It's good times. We'll take ourselves a little break. Bob Guiney's here from The Bachelor and we'll be right back.

47:52🔗 All right, guys.

47:53🔗 Drew Bottom line.

47:54🔗 Here's the deal. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:58🔗 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:59🔗 Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

48:12🔗 Best Of We'll be right back.

48:30🔗 Adam GIO it's Loveline, the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Hopefully, we're somewhere far away from the studio right now.

48:37🔗 Drew Oh, yes. Yeah.

48:39🔗 Adam You know, I always say, I'm gonna listen to the show.

48:41🔗 Drew No, you don't. In your head, you think you're gonna announce it.

48:45🔗 Adam I always think I'm gonna listen to the show, and I never do.

48:48🔗 Drew Of course not.

48:49🔗 Adam But you people who are listening to the show, otherwise you wouldn't know, I said you people who are listening to the show. This is getting surreal, Drew. This is like when you hold a mirror up in front of you and behind you, and you go into infinity. Yeah.

49:03🔗 Drew And then if you're on mushrooms and you do that, watch out.

49:07🔗 Caller All right, Kelly Osbourne.

49:09🔗 Drew Right now, that's probably where you are, in fact.

49:10🔗 Adam It's a holiday tradition.

49:12🔗 Drew God knows.

49:12🔗 Adam Kelly Osbourne, up next. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Kelly Osborne is our guest tonight. Changes is the name of the appropriately named CD, because Kelly's gone through some changes herself.

49:32🔗 I adore that girl that you're sitting there with.

49:33🔗 Adam Oh, please.

49:34🔗 Caller Oh, please.

49:35🔗 Adam Please, something. She's a more mature woman. She's seasoned.

49:41🔗 Caller It makes me want to cry every time you play that.

49:44🔗 Adam I'm sorry.

49:44🔗 Caller It's horrible.

49:45🔗 Adam I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

49:47🔗 Caller I'm a really strong believer in never saying something you don't mean.

49:51🔗 Adam Yeah, well, get used to it with the love stuff, sweetie. I know, but Drew, how many times? You're a thinking man, but you've said you were in love with a few people that you're not married to now.

50:03🔗 Caller Right, right.

50:05🔗 Adam Yes. Yeah, I want to get in her pants.

50:07🔗 Caller Like Rob Asen, I told him I loved him because I do love him, you know? And we dated, but there's a difference because I wasn't like in love with him. With Bert, I was in love with him, you know?

50:17🔗 Adam But you said you were in love, and Bert may have said he was in love, but he was in love, but not in love. And so he has the same excuse you have with Rob.

50:26🔗 Caller Listen to what he just said. That wasn't like a, oh, or whatever.

50:30🔗 Adam I vowed never to play it again on the air, but one more time, Anderson.

50:34🔗 I adore that girl that you're sitting there with.

50:37🔗 Drew I don't believe him. I hear emptiness when he says stuff like that.

50:41🔗 Caller He's an empty person.

50:42🔗 Adam Yeah. I call him a liar.

50:43🔗 Caller Do you know what it is? He's a very selfish person that when you think to him, oh, he just loves himself, but he doesn't even love himself, so therefore he's incapable of loving anyone else.

50:53🔗 Adam Well, he may be like me, he was in love with the notion of being in love.

50:56🔗 Caller He's not even in love with that, you know, he's a very jaded person. He's very, very jaded, and I think he had a very rough, hard life, so he takes out on everyone else and everyone around him.

51:09🔗 Adam He takes it out on everyone around him with his personal hygiene as well. It's not just an attitudinal thing.

51:14🔗 Caller He's just one of those people that looks like he smells. He really doesn't smell.

51:17🔗 Adam All right, I say where there's smell, there's fire.

51:19🔗 Caller I think Quinn smells much worse than him.

51:22🔗 Adam Who's Quinn?

51:23🔗 Caller The guitar player in the years.

51:24🔗 Adam Oh, really?

51:24🔗 Caller Yes, like sometimes when you will pass his bunk, I'd want to throw up because it's so disgusting.

51:28🔗 Adam You can always find someone that smells worse than somebody else, but it doesn't mean that person smells good.

51:33🔗 Drew It also doesn't mean the guy that smells worse isn't bathing consistently.

51:36🔗 Adam Yeah.

51:37🔗 Drew He may just have the funk.

51:38🔗 Adam Yeah, Aaron. Aaron?

51:42🔗 Hello?

51:43🔗 Drew There you are.

51:43🔗 Adam Yes, you're 16?

51:45🔗 Caller Yeah, first I want to say, Adam, you're one of the funniest people ever.

51:50🔗 Adam Oh, thank you, thank you.

51:52🔗 Caller And Dr. Drew, I wanted to know how much your book costed.

51:56🔗 Drew I think it's about, it depends where you get it. I think it's $17 on Amazon, I think $24 out in the retail stores.

52:01🔗 Adam I just got this note, it's down to $3.

52:03🔗 Drew Maybe by now.

52:04🔗 Adam They're looking to move, and it looks like it looks like it's heading down.

52:07🔗 Drew What's that, Anderson?

52:08🔗 It doesn't sound like Aaron can read, though.

52:11🔗 Adam Aaron, can you read?

52:12🔗 Caller That's mean.

52:13🔗 Adam That is mean. So go out and get Drew's book and read it. Can you read without using your finger? Because I can't do that.

52:22🔗 Caller Sometimes.

52:23🔗 Adam Okay, I lose my place. I keep starting again at the same place. All right, so what's your question, Aaron?

52:29🔗 Caller I wanted to know if it was bad, if my girlfriend, when she's on her period.

52:35🔗 Caller That's disgusting.

52:36🔗 Drew Two things, two things, two things.

52:38🔗 Adam Yeah.

52:38🔗 Drew I swear I heard a smoke alarm in the distance there.

52:41🔗 Caller No, we don't have a smoke alarms over there by the computer and the battery's not low at all.

52:47🔗 Adam Not low. Plus they use a smoke, they use a canary. They don't actually have a smoke alarm. Canary dies, that means that there's carbon monoxide in the air.

52:56🔗 Drew Secondly, no girlfriend to go down.

53:01🔗 Adam Do you have a girlfriend, Erin?

53:02🔗 Caller Do you realize that's like egg and blood and that's disgusting.

53:06🔗 Adam But wait a minute, I just, I thought I just heard the smoke detector. All right, now hold on. Let's try to time this thing. Erin? Don't move from where you are. That thing went off at about 53, Drew. So if our calculations are correct, it should be chirping again about 25 or so. Now we can't hear him though.

53:29🔗 Drew Erin?

53:30🔗 Caller Yeah. It could be my cell phone because my girlfriend was trying to call too. I put my cell phone close to the phone and it makes a beepy noise. Watch, you want me to do it?

53:43🔗 Adam Yeah, it sounds like you're in the lab. Now quiet.

53:45🔗 Drew Jacob's ladder in the background.

53:47🔗 Adam Yeah.

53:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:50🔗 Drew I don't know the sound.

53:51🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't know. Drew, how does it work when we announce that we, and maybe this is only, we're like pigeons and this is the only, we're superstitious. But it sounds like whenever we announce, hey, we have to hear what's going on in the background, the sound goes out of the call.

54:04🔗 Drew I really think it's when we stop speaking and listen.

54:09🔗 Never done that before.

54:10🔗 Adam All right, so you're saying that it's blood and egg. Is that egg? What is that coming out of it?

54:16🔗 Caller It is, it's an egg, isn't it? But it's disgusting. Like you not being a girl, like you don't know what it looks like. It is disgusting. And if you want that in your mouth.

54:27🔗 Drew Well, but it's not pouring out, you know.

54:29🔗 Caller I know, but still it's like there and he's gonna get it in his mouth.

54:33🔗 Drew That's not necessarily. He could drip.

54:35🔗 Adam Pulled the plug a few times, yes?

54:37🔗 Caller Yeah, no, I mean, if she's wearing a tampon, then that's still kind of gross, but I mean, that's okay. But if there's like no tampon in there and you're just like.

54:47🔗 Adam How about they start doing tampons for.

54:50🔗 Caller But why do you have to do it? Why can't you just wait until it's over?

54:53🔗 Adam Yeah, like with the string, it's like a honey Dijon flavor. Get a guy, give a guy a little something when he's down there. Yeah, guys like that ranch flavor.

55:02🔗 Caller But my thing is, you're that desperate to like eat pussy. Can you not just wait until like it's over to do that?

55:08🔗 Adam I think I could win that contest for any guy. Like how long can you hold out from eating a girl out? 200 years. How long do you got? Okay, 500 years. Don't eat that girl out. It'd be a competition. And we just wait and die.

55:20🔗 Caller It's like, I mean, like I don't think it's that bad to have sex while people are on the pier. Like I know a lot of people who do that.

55:27🔗 Drew That's more messy, right?

55:29🔗 Adam It can be.

55:29🔗 Caller Yeah, but so it's not in your mouth. You can take a shower and it's gone. Like you're eating that. It's gross.

55:34🔗 Adam Oh, you aren't jesting it. Aaron?

55:36🔗 Caller No, first I got a paper towel and wet it and I wiped it clean.

55:40🔗 Adam Okay, buddy.

55:41🔗 Caller You wiped what clean?

55:42🔗 Drew No, no, no. That's his, you're imagining that's what he did.

55:45🔗 Adam Aaron, you don't have a girlfriend, do you?

55:48🔗 Caller Yeah, really, you.

55:49🔗 Adam Okay.

55:49🔗 Caller If you want, she could call if you want. I can call her.

55:53🔗 Adam Yeah, you know what, I get a feeling it'd be Aaron going, hello, yes, Aaron does a very nice job on me when it's that time of the month.

56:01🔗 Caller He uses a wet nap.

56:02🔗 Adam He uses a wet nap and he's very gentle and thorough. He's good and he's big. He's hung like a paint can down there. Oh yes, shall I put him back on? Hello. That's Aaron's girlfriend. All right, Aaron. Okay, something's going on with Aaron's phone. And I did think I heard a smoke alarm.

56:25🔗 Caller I kept hearing that, that's very weird.

56:27🔗 Adam All right, now see, Kelly doesn't have that problem at her home because her smoke detectors are all hardwired. They don't take the battery.

56:34🔗 Caller No, no.

56:35🔗 Adam That's why trash does battery.

56:37🔗 Caller That's not true, they still do that too. If they're the hardwired, like, hardwires have batteries too and sometimes they'll just beep when you need to read the battery and it's so annoying.

56:47🔗 Adam I don't know, it's hardwired, shouldn't need a battery.

56:50🔗 Drew Maybe.

56:51🔗 Adam Backup battery?

56:52🔗 Drew Maybe they're hardwired.

56:53🔗 Adam All right, but Kelly, you're not up on a ladder fixing that.

56:56🔗 Caller No, I get the broomstick and knock it off the ceiling.

56:59🔗 Adam Smart. Ashley? You're 20? What's up?

57:05🔗 Caller Okay, recently, about a month ago, I found out that I have HPV, human papilloma virus. Drew, you know?

57:14🔗 Adam That's the warts.

57:15🔗 Caller Yes. Well, there are certain strands that are warts. I'm sure Dr. Drew has a lot more.

57:20🔗 Caller Sounds like someone's last name. My name's Mike Papalova.

57:22🔗 Drew And so what's your question?

57:24🔗 Caller My question is, I actually, okay.

57:28🔗 Drew Ashley, Ashley, papilloma means wart.

57:31🔗 Caller Right, but I've done some research on this.

57:34🔗 Caller The thing she really wants to say is warts on my vagina.

57:37🔗 Caller Well, the thing is is that I don't have those symptoms. The symptoms I have when I got my pap smear are the irregular, first it was irregular cellular changes about six months ago. And when I actually was about eight months ago. And then when I went in for my repap, for them to recheck me, suddenly the irregular cellular changes had morphed into what they called lumps on my cervix.

58:00🔗 Drew So those are called, those are warts.

58:03🔗 Caller Yes, they are, but they're in the-

58:05🔗 Caller See, she doesn't want to say she has warts on her vagina. She's using an extensive vocabulary when she can just say it and say, I have warts on my vagina.

58:13🔗 Drew Anyway, so anyway, what's the question?

58:15🔗 Caller My question is, there are external warts that are a symptom of HPV, but since I'm not experiencing those symptoms, could I pass on those symptoms to my boyfriend?

58:25🔗 Drew Absolutely.

58:26🔗 Caller Okay, because he got tested, I got tested before we had sex. We ended up both, you know, when you, I go through a certain agency that they call you if they found anything irregular and they hadn't called me. And so I thought that I was okay with my test.

58:44🔗 Drew Wait, no way, whoa, whoa, whoa, Ashley, Ashley, wait a minute. You have the warts potentially forever and definitely for the next three to five years, whether you have abnormal cells, whether you have visible warts, that virus is there and contagious.

58:58🔗 Caller Right, and I didn't know that until after I had sex with my boyfriend.

59:01🔗 Drew All right, well, there you go, now he has it too.

59:04🔗 Adam Maybe.

59:05🔗 Drew Exactly.

59:05🔗 Adam Well, maybe.

59:09🔗 Caller No, I think it's pretty impossible for him to have sex with her and knock it.

59:13🔗 Adam Now I think you have warts. Who else wants to go for warts?

59:15🔗 Drew I do not have warts.

59:16🔗 Adam Engineer Chris, you wanna pipe up? I'll give you warts too, brother.

59:19🔗 Caller Adam, I can pass on the warts to you.

59:21🔗 Caller Do you want me to pass the warts to you, Adam? Better watch out.

59:23🔗 Adam If you can do it via blowjob, yes.

59:25🔗 Caller Well, my question is, Drew, is this particular type of- Oh my gosh, it's Drew.

59:31🔗 Drew Wait, I wanna talk to her.

59:32🔗 Adam How dare her.

59:33🔗 Caller No, she's like, my question is for you, Drew.

59:37🔗 Adam Cursing me with warts and then singling you out.

59:39🔗 Caller But I love the way she refused it. I had bumps in my surface. Cause she didn't wanna say, I have warts on my vagina. So she talked to this jargon and like all this medical talk.

59:49🔗 Adam And didn't wanna, she said some forms of papilloma are warts.

59:53🔗 Caller Do you know how many times she had pap smear too?

59:55🔗 Drew Anyway Ashley, so what is the question?

59:56🔗 Adam Kelly hates you more than me.

59:57🔗 Drew What's the question?

59:59🔗 Caller My question is, is could I, would he, if he doesn't have symptoms and I'm not showing external symptoms, could he have it? Because we can't, you can't find out if he has it.

1:00:07🔗 Drew Yes, he has it, yes he has it.

1:00:09🔗 Adam He could have it.

1:00:10🔗 Drew He has it. He should assume he has it.

1:00:12🔗 Adam Drew, remember when you bet me $100?

1:00:14🔗 Drew Yeah, but we don't know that you've been with somebody who had the virus.

1:00:18🔗 Adam And you told me that everyone had warts.

1:00:20🔗 Drew 50%.

1:00:21🔗 Adam 50%, way too high.

1:00:22🔗 Caller 50% of people have warts?

1:00:24🔗 Drew No, sexually active.

1:00:26🔗 Adam Drew doesn't know.

1:00:27🔗 Drew It's about 50%.

1:00:28🔗 Adam He's like, everyone in Europe has them.

1:00:29🔗 Caller What do you think I am? Like, I don't want to go around and be like, hey, you look cute, and I come in my dressing room. Like, I'm a boy in a band. I didn't do that.

1:00:36🔗 Adam I'm just playing, just trying to impart a little knowledge before you go to Europe.

1:00:41🔗 Drew That's all.

1:00:41🔗 Caller I'm fully aware, thank you.

1:00:43🔗 Adam If you want me to go along.

1:00:44🔗 Caller And the Europeans are uncut, so I don't go there.

1:00:46🔗 Adam Good.

1:00:47🔗 Drew More higher incidence of wart virus with the uncut.

1:00:50🔗 Caller Well, she's not going there.

1:00:51🔗 Caller I don't go there with the uncuts.

1:00:52🔗 Adam It's gross. Jonathan, but you're family.

1:00:55🔗 You're raised in England.

1:00:56🔗 Caller My brother is cut. Most, it's like it.

1:00:59🔗 Adam Aha.

1:01:01🔗 Caller I think it's because my mother is Jewish. I don't know. And my mother thinks it's cleaner. My dad's cut. My mom says my dad's cut. It's like a thing that like, it's a clean thing. Guys have to get their thing cut.

1:01:14🔗 Adam You should do PSAs.

1:01:15🔗 Drew Really, it's be great. Yeah. Less HPV, less HIV.

1:01:19🔗 Adam Yep, yep, plenty of bracelet.

1:01:22🔗 Caller Public service announcement.

1:01:23🔗 Drew Yeah, it would be.

1:01:24🔗 Adam Jonathan.

1:01:25🔗 Drew You can make rings and.

1:01:26🔗 Adam Yeah, sure. Jonathan, you're 16.

1:01:29🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:01:29🔗 Adam What's up?

1:01:31🔗 Caller Well, number one, I would like to say, Kelly, you are the coolest. I wish you were my own sister. Yes, you're a cool girl. And Adam, you're a sarcastic ass, but it's what makes you, you.

1:01:45🔗 Adam Thanks, Jonathan.

1:01:49🔗 Caller Well, my question is...

1:01:51🔗 Drew You're gay.

1:01:55🔗 Adam Drew, let him finish before you cast judgment. Go ahead.

1:01:58🔗 Caller Oh, by the way, I loved your father, Adam Carolla piece on Carson's bash. Anyhow.

1:02:04🔗 Adam Oh, yes, thank you.

1:02:05🔗 Caller Oh, speaking of that Carson's bashing, did you see what Maya did? Did you see everyone's face in the audience when she was giving him a lap dance?

1:02:11🔗 Adam Yes.

1:02:12🔗 Caller It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen, because you could tell she was like, I'm doing this so people look at me. But everyone was like, what the hell is she doing?

1:02:18🔗 Adam Yes, Maya was giving a very seductive lap dance.

1:02:20🔗 Caller She's gone from being like the sweetest, quiet, like cute girl to like being like, look at me, I wouldn't have sex with anything with a penis.

1:02:28🔗 Adam She's trying to sell product, you know. You wouldn't stoop to that level, though, Kelly. That's what I like about you. Your class and your wartless. That's what I like about you. All right, Jonathan, what's your question?

1:02:39🔗 Caller Anyhow, my question is, I recently had an experience with a male. He's my step-cousin by marriage.

1:02:49🔗 Drew You're gay.

1:02:51🔗 Adam True, we get it. Keep going.

1:02:52🔗 Well, okay, the question is...

1:02:53🔗 Drew Step-cousin by marriage.

1:02:57🔗 Caller I have, up until this point, had been completely involved with girls, never had any experience with a guy ever.

1:03:03🔗 Caller That doesn't mean anything.

1:03:04🔗 Caller I have been very happy with girls.

1:03:06🔗 Adam You've been happy, huh? How old was this guy?

1:03:08🔗 Caller He's 17.

1:03:09🔗 Adam Whose idea was it?

1:03:11🔗 Caller It was his. He instigated it and...

1:03:13🔗 Caller Are you a metrosexual?

1:03:15🔗 Caller Am I a what?

1:03:17🔗 Caller A metrosexual. Do you look like a girl but like girls?

1:03:22🔗 Caller No.

1:03:22🔗 Adam Is that what that is?

1:03:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:03:23🔗 Caller I'm not.

1:03:24🔗 Drew I'm getting more super male stuff. Extra male.

1:03:27🔗 Adam You've gotten... Okay, so you're like a dude in prison.

1:03:29🔗 Drew Right.

1:03:30🔗 Adam Well, I don't know about that either. Okay, so he makes the move on you.

1:03:35🔗 Caller He's the guy who made the move.

1:03:36🔗 Adam Right. He's the guy who made the move. Yeah, but it helps when we're trying to sort of solve this crime, you know?

1:03:44🔗 Caller It's not a crime.

1:03:46🔗 Adam No, it is against God. How? Well, he hates that. It makes him rich. Yes, it does.

1:03:53🔗 Caller It's true.

1:03:54🔗 Adam Don't worry. He'll sort us all out. He'll punish those.

1:03:57🔗 Caller How is it punishable?

1:03:59🔗 Adam Believe me, God will punish. No, no.

1:04:01🔗 Caller That's stupid. Take it back.

1:04:04🔗 Adam But he invented hepatitis and AIDS. He did all these things, Drew. Why would he do that?

1:04:09🔗 Caller I think the government invented AIDS.

1:04:11🔗 Adam Okay. All right. Well, the government is God. That's what I'm talking about.

1:04:15🔗 Drew God gave the government.

1:04:16🔗 Adam God gave the government the test tubes and van aids. Jonathan. So you had... What did you do with the guy? Oral sex?

1:04:25🔗 Caller Yeah. Oral and anal.

1:04:28🔗 Drew Who?

1:04:29🔗 Caller Did you give or receive?

1:04:30🔗 Drew Bogus call.

1:04:31🔗 Adam Now it's bogus.

1:04:33🔗 Caller Oh, okay. Go ahead and think it's bogus. Anyhow.

1:04:36🔗 Adam We do.

1:04:37🔗 Drew Go ahead. Go ahead.

1:04:39🔗 Caller Well, okay.

1:04:40🔗 Caller I have a question. Did you give or receive?

1:04:42🔗 Drew Well, anal sex is not something you do casually first time out of the block.

1:04:47🔗 Caller Well, I know.

1:04:47🔗 Caller It was a bit of a...

1:04:49🔗 Caller It was a really extremely weird experience.

1:04:51🔗 Caller Don't take this as offense, but you sound gay.

1:04:53🔗 Caller I was slightly reluctant in the beginning and I'll be honest, it was weird.

1:05:01🔗 Caller Of course it's weird. You have someone's dick in your butt, like, come on.

1:05:09🔗 Caller So I guess you guys have answered my question, which wasn't...

1:05:12🔗 Caller No, we haven't answered you...

1:05:12🔗 Caller .that make me gay. So, all right, well, I guess...

1:05:16🔗 Caller You sound gay.

1:05:17🔗 Caller Well, thank you, Kelly. Appreciate it. It doesn't...

1:05:21🔗 Caller Lie? Like, no, that doesn't make you gay. You had a penis in your ass, like...

1:05:25🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:05:31🔗 Caller Loveline is brought to you by YJ. Stinger.

1:05:41🔗 Drew Kelly was great. I remember you sort of commenting on how she had blossomed as a woman.

1:05:46🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:05:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:49🔗 Adam Yes. No. She's better. She's much better than she was. Bosom, too. Yeah, bosom. She blossomed. Bosom-y. And it's not that the two she had got bigger. She got a third one, which usually the bosom itself...

1:06:01🔗 Drew It makes it bosom-y.

1:06:02🔗 Adam Yeah. But anyone can pack on a couple pounds and stretch out the rack a little bit, a third.

1:06:07🔗 Drew That's impressive.

1:06:08🔗 Adam Absolutely. Well, now a disappointment for those of you who enjoyed bosoms.

1:06:12🔗 Drew No, he's one of our favorite guests.

1:06:14🔗 Adam No bosom.

1:06:15🔗 Drew Correct.

1:06:16🔗 Adam This is Wilmer Valderrama. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Junior, junior producer Lauren alone for a second now.

1:06:37🔗 Drew We're going to ask a question I need to talk to her about.

1:06:40🔗 Adam You talk to her during the break, buddy.

1:06:42🔗 Drew The answer is going to come from her.

1:06:44🔗 Adam Oh, really? Oh, during the break, it'll come from her. Wilmer Valderrama, Wilbur, I'm sorry, Valderrama here tonight, by the way. Party Monster, name of his movie, and Daisy? Okay, so you're 23, you're bi, your boyfriend is bi. He's okay with you being bi?

1:07:09🔗 Drew As we pointed out, the opening of your call last hour.

1:07:11🔗 Adam Right.

1:07:12🔗 Drew And that's encouraging your action, I imagine.

1:07:15🔗 Adam And now he wants to get, well, this is mostly his idea, he wants to get a girl to be almost a full-time girlfriend for both of you, right?

1:07:26🔗 It's my idea.

1:07:28🔗 Adam It's your idea, right, but you were saying last break that it was kind of more his idea.

1:07:33🔗 Well, I don't know, it's both of our ideas. It'll spice up the marriage a little bit, I guess.

1:07:39🔗 Adam Sure, spice it up. Spice it up, yep, just to say, if you just pull the top off a salt shaker and just dump the entire thing into an item.

1:07:47🔗 Drew That's spicier.

1:07:47🔗 Adam Spices that right up. That's right.

1:07:49🔗 Drew Daisy, how did you feel last time you guys did this? Yeah, I didn't, well, yeah, I realize that's a tough question for you, but-

1:07:57🔗 Adam Did you enjoy it?

1:07:59🔗 Drew Did you like seeing your husband bang another girl?

1:08:01🔗 Adam Yeah, your husband having sex.

1:08:03🔗 Oh, I don't, I like it.

1:08:05🔗 Caller You like it, all right.

1:08:06🔗 Drew Now, were you, what did you witness, your parents having sex or something when you were a kid or-

1:08:10🔗 I don't know, my son's cutting out, what did you say?

1:08:14🔗 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:08:16🔗 Yeah.

1:08:17🔗 Drew And how old were you when that started?

1:08:19🔗 Actually, my cousin kind of did it to me a little bit, but-

1:08:23🔗 Drew Did you have to watch other people having sex too?

1:08:25🔗 No, uh-uh, no. Okay. I was really young, like eight.

1:08:31🔗 Adam All right, well, you're over that.

1:08:34🔗 Drew No, the point is you're not, David. It screws with your brain.

1:08:37🔗 Adam Do whatever you want. It's going to screw. You're just acting out your neuroses that was caused by your cousin, and I'm sorry I did that. This is not the answer. But if you want to do it, go ahead and do it. We can't stop you. Don't have any kids.

1:08:48🔗 We won't. We're using good birth control.

1:08:54🔗 Drew What?

1:08:55🔗 Well, I'm not using anything, but-

1:08:57🔗 Drew Oh, that's good. That's good birth control.

1:08:59🔗 Adam That's good.

1:09:02🔗 Drew Okay, that's not good birth control.

1:09:04🔗 Well, I know, but I can't be on anything right now because- I want something for bipolar, and the doctor doesn't think it would be a good idea.

1:09:15🔗 Adam Okay, but if he heard you say, uh-uh a thousand times, he probably would think it was a good idea.

1:09:22🔗 Drew How about slapping a condom on your boyfriend or your husband?

1:09:25🔗 Yeah, we could probably try that.

1:09:28🔗 Drew Keep the morning after pill around in case the condom doesn't get used properly.

1:09:31🔗 Adam Can you do that, Daisy? We just want you not to have any kids. Please no kids.

1:09:35🔗 We don't want to have any kids. Okay.

1:09:37🔗 Drew You couldn't take your bipolar meds if you're pregnant, too. Right, so you can't get pregnant. And revisit with your daughter, your doctor, whether or not you perhaps ought to be on birth control pill. I suspect you misunderstood what he said.

1:09:52🔗 Adam She's just a free thinker, that's all. Yeah. Yeah, look, everybody, she's her cousin molested her, and that's why she's the way she is. Yes, she's a she's a victim. And her husband's probably victimized her. But who cares? Look, here's my whole thing. It's like, do whatever you do, whatever you want until you start having kids. And then then when you start having kids, you end up unleashing your neuroses on society via the kid who has to leave the confines of your trailer and go out into society.

1:10:26🔗 Drew All you got to ask with my kid to understand that clearly, all you have to do is hear the story of Daisy's mom and her sexual abuse. To understand how this Daisy chain continues.

1:10:37🔗 Adam Oh, Touche. What a twist. Harlett?

1:10:40🔗 Yes. Thanks for taking my call.

1:10:42🔗 Adam Hold on. Your name is Harlett?

1:10:44🔗 No, it's not my name, but I like it and I think it suits me also.

1:10:48🔗 Drew She's from North Hollywood, I mean, anyway, name Harlett from North Hollywood.

1:10:51🔗 I like that name. It's pretty cool.

1:10:54🔗 Drew Do you know what Harlett means?

1:10:56🔗 Prostitute. Okay. Yeah.

1:10:58🔗 Drew It's at North Hollywood High.

1:10:59🔗 Adam Is it prostitute or is it a sort of home wrecker?

1:11:03🔗 It's like the old time prostitute. Like the 20th, from the 1920s, no, 1820s, yeah.

1:11:10🔗 Adam How about you go with strumpet? I'm saving room for my Denver.

1:11:19🔗 Drew Can I have some butter for the strumpet, please?

1:11:22🔗 Adam All right there, Harlan.

1:11:27🔗 Drew But where do you go to high school?

1:11:29🔗 Polytechnic. I know.

1:11:33🔗 Adam Sun Valley, baby. That was my home field when I played for the Sun Valley Falcons. What a cesspool that place is.

1:11:42🔗 Drew Is that true?

1:11:43🔗 Adam It's worse than North Hollywood.

1:11:45🔗 Well, I live in North Hollywood, but the school's in Sun Valley.

1:11:53🔗 Drew She seems reasonably intelligent.

1:11:54🔗 Adam She's a parent. Their mascot is a parent. They couldn't even get a decent wolf or anything? They got to get a parent? How much is a decent mascot these days? Like your self-esteem is so bad as a high school that you actually get a parent? You know, like a bird that does this crap on your shoulder? But ears are a good thing about the good thing about mascots is they make them badass. It's like a buff parrot. You know, it's chest all poked down. It's got a mean look on its face.

1:12:26🔗 Drew With its head down.

1:12:27🔗 Adam It's head's leaning down. Yeah. It's a mean parrot.

1:12:30🔗 Drew Wheels for legs.

1:12:32🔗 Adam Oh, shut up. All right. So anyway, you got a question for Wilmer?

1:12:37🔗 Yeah. Wilmer, how was it like working with Marilyn Manson on Party Monster?

1:12:42🔗 Caller Yeah. You know, working with him was definitely an educational experience because that guy is... He's definitely a great business man, you know. I think he knows exactly what he's doing, you know. And you know, he just... He has it going on, you know. I mean, we're talking to him was unusually normal. That was great to see, you know.

1:13:03🔗 Adam He's a smart guy. I don't think a lot of people are aware of that.

1:13:07🔗 Yeah, because everybody expects him to be like really wild and he's pretty mellow, I... Yeah.

1:13:13🔗 Caller Yeah, he's, you know, to be honest, you know, he's very professional. You know, he knows exactly what he wants to do, you know, and he knows how to do it.

1:13:22🔗 Drew Which is what? What's his big picture?

1:13:24🔗 Caller Well, to be honest, I mean, he's made a huge mark in this industry by doing things that, you know, obviously people don't really expect from him, you know what I mean? And I don't think necessarily he's 100% like that.

1:13:37🔗 Adam I think he's, no, he's like a performance artist that's conducting, yeah, I know him, he's like conducting an experiment on society and pulling our strings and getting us to react and selling product. Harlett?

1:13:51🔗 Yeah.

1:13:52🔗 Adam All right. All right. So I'm worried about you. You're into Marilyn Manson, you call yourself Harlett and worst of all, you go to Prolly.

1:14:00🔗 I see myself becoming a prostitute.

1:14:03🔗 Adam You do? Well, listen, you got to have goals.

1:14:06🔗 Yeah.

1:14:06🔗 Adam You got to have goals. I remember I wanted to be, I want to get into carpet cleaning when I was your age.

1:14:11🔗 Drew Well, if you heard that last call Daisy, the things that seemed fun and interesting to her are the result of serious trauma in her past. And if being a prostitute sounds and feels like a good thing to do.

1:14:21🔗 I wasn't arrested or anything. It's just, I'm fascinated. Like, one time I saw this documentary on the Moonlight Bunny Ranch or something like that. And I just like want to go there for some reason.

1:14:32🔗 Adam All right. And again, she's just going to Polly where they actually can major in prostitution. Getting kids ready for a realistic preparation, they call it. Not everyone goes to college, Drew. What are your main cross streets you live by, Harlett?

1:14:48🔗 Loewen, Canyons and Stag.

1:14:50🔗 Adam Stag is a small street. Main cross streets.

1:14:54🔗 Loewen, Canyons.

1:14:56🔗 Drew And? Cross streets.

1:14:59🔗 Adam Streets.

1:15:03🔗 Caller The next big intersection.

1:15:07🔗 Drew Roscoe.

1:15:08🔗 Adam Roscoe. All right, baby doll. Okay. All right. Well, if you fit right in.

1:15:15🔗 Drew Isn't that where your strip bars are that you stand on?

1:15:18🔗 Adam You got to get out of there.

1:15:19🔗 Drew Isn't that?

1:15:20🔗 Adam Not Laurel and I'm more of a Lankersham guy. Stargard. All right, baby doll. Don't be a prostitute.

1:15:27🔗 Cheer up.

1:15:28🔗 Adam Are you a big gal?

1:15:29🔗 No. Well, I don't think so. I'm 5'9, and I'm 145, I think.

1:15:37🔗 Adam I'm going to do the radio math. 5'9, 145. I got 5'7, and 3'16, 158. All right, Drew. What are you doing, Drew? You got to go to the bathroom? And living on Laurel and Roscoe, oh, Christ. One summer I killed myself in that air.

1:16:07🔗 Drew One summer. I was looking for a bank on Lancashire, but I came across one of your strip places, like a circus front or something to it. Is it?

1:16:16🔗 Adam Yeah. Where? What street we're on?

1:16:18🔗 Drew Lancashire.

1:16:19🔗 Adam Yes. Star Garden.

1:16:20🔗 Drew Is this Star Garden?

1:16:21🔗 Adam Is this a classy landing? Star Garden. It's a classy place.

1:16:24🔗 Drew They had like, like, like.

1:16:25🔗 Adam Venus Fair.

1:16:26🔗 Drew Like Circus Circus or something.

1:16:27🔗 Adam They got to, they, they, they. People with boners like bright colors. They've tested this.

1:16:32🔗 Drew They're like bees.

1:16:33🔗 Adam Yes.

1:16:34🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:16:34🔗 Adam That's what they're looking for. All right. Amy?

1:16:39🔗 Oh my God. Am I on?

1:16:40🔗 Adam You're 23?

1:16:41🔗 Drew Yes.

1:16:41🔗 He's my first time caller.

1:16:44🔗 Drew Great.

1:16:45🔗 Caller I guess my problem is in my last relationship, it lasted a month and then I got a call last night. He said he had a gut feeling that this relationship wasn't right and he just wanted to be friends, maybe see other people or something. Gut feeling? Actually, I slept with him the second day I knew him and maybe that was the problem.

1:17:03🔗 Adam Well, how long ago was that?

1:17:05🔗 Caller That was, well, we were going out for a month. It would be our one month anniversary.

1:17:10🔗 Drew No.

1:17:12🔗 Adam You weren't going out. You were just.

1:17:14🔗 Caller No, we were.

1:17:14🔗 Drew You were friends with benefits.

1:17:16🔗 Adam You thought you were dating. He was humping with dinner before it.

1:17:21🔗 Caller Thereafter, actually.

1:17:23🔗 Drew Yeah. That's even better.

1:17:24🔗 Adam He was. It was basically he had to shell out 18 bucks for dinner so we could. No, not for his guilt so we could do it.

1:17:31🔗 Drew No, they humped before dinner, she said.

1:17:32🔗 Adam I know, but you can't just get.

1:17:34🔗 Caller We went to the puppy shop and then we saw each other the next day at the beach and then we saw each other again later that day.

1:17:41🔗 Drew Listen, Amy, Amy, this guy, this was not a dating relationship. This was just a.

1:17:45🔗 Caller No, well, I kind of thought it was and I was ready at this point in my life for a boyfriend.

1:17:49🔗 Drew Right.

1:17:50🔗 Caller He wasn't ready to be one, apparently.

1:17:52🔗 Caller Right, right, right.

1:17:53🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:17:53🔗 Caller What was the reason? What was the reason to.

1:17:55🔗 Caller I had to wait like five months in between going out and like looking for action.

1:17:59🔗 Drew What?

1:18:00🔗 Caller So I kind of was ready to do that, but I went to a meeting at a bar that sounds kind of weird.

1:18:07🔗 Adam You want to wait five months before going out and looking for action?

1:18:10🔗 Drew I didn't follow her at all.

1:18:12🔗 Adam Let's get her back.

1:18:14🔗 I'll try to.

1:18:15🔗 Adam Basically, let me explain what our callers are like. It's like when you're a kid and you're playing with slot cars, you go a little to the front corner and spins off the track and rolls under the sofa. I got to go get them and get them back on the track every once in a while. Make sure you clean the brushes and then get them going and take it slow again. Amy? And once while the cat just pounces on them. That's the best part about slot cars. That's where our cat would just freak on her. So Amy. So it would have been your one month anniversary today. But he broke up with you.

1:18:48🔗 Drew He doesn't want to be a boyfriend.

1:18:51🔗 Caller It's pretty good, but he left it open and he said he's going to call me.

1:18:56🔗 Adam He's going to call you.

1:18:57🔗 Caller He's going to call you at midnight or one in the morning.

1:19:00🔗 Adam What's that?

1:19:01🔗 Caller He said he didn't want to have a sexual relationship.

1:19:03🔗 Drew Yeah, that was on that day.

1:19:05🔗 Caller Amy, Amy.

1:19:05🔗 Adam That's because he beat off 10 minutes before he made a phone call.

1:19:08🔗 Caller This is what's going to happen. He's going to be laying down. He's going to look through his phone book and his little cell phone is going to be like, oh, open invitation.

1:19:16🔗 Caller One. The next part of my question. I actually, I went to a Democratic Party meeting that was located at a bar tonight and I show up and nobody's there. So, so I got to talking with this guy at the bar and we exchanged numbers. So I kind of wanted your advice on how to take this new relationship slowly so that I don't mess it up again.

1:19:35🔗 Drew You didn't mess the other one up by going too fast.

1:19:37🔗 Adam You didn't. You didn't.

1:19:38🔗 Drew And he, because he was just not into it.

1:19:40🔗 Adam And secondly, don't refer to this one as anything else. A new relationship. And if you're dealing with 23-year-old guys, you live in San Diego, live in Southern California, in beach cities, if you take your average 25-year-old guy, he's just going to do as much as he can do for as long as he can do it. Sometime about six, seven years from now, he'll either knock somebody up and get married to him, or just settle down and get married. You may be one of the many that's in between him and that final destination known as marriage or settling down. So, you've got to find a guy who's on the same page as you.

1:20:34🔗 Drew You know, it's really like we need to renew courtship rituals of some type for women. So, some procedure where she could sit down and meet a guy a few times, talk with him, have meals with him, but not go right, have sex with him, not hook up, not get joined to the hip, just sort of hang out and figure out, I want this guy, I want to hook up with this guy, I want to...

1:20:50🔗 Adam Here's what the courtship ritual is in place for. Now that it's gone, women are confused because here's the thing.

1:20:57🔗 Drew It's an assessment process.

1:20:59🔗 Adam If you meet a guy at a bar, club, the beach, wherever, park, wherever you meet him, he would gladly have sex with you that afternoon, that day, that evening. He would do it. If you let him do it, he would do it.

1:21:11🔗 Drew Now listen, women, first of all, don't believe that. They don't believe that.

1:21:14🔗 Adam Well, believe it. If he's attracted to you. Now, if you then go have sex with him that afternoon or the following day and you get going, now you're confused because you think you're dating and having a relationship, he thinks he's getting lucky. Now, he may be into you, but we don't know.

1:21:35🔗 Drew There's no assessment occurring.

1:21:37🔗 Adam There's no courtship, which usually separates the wheat from the chaff. Now, this same guy, if he just wants to have sex with you and he's not that into you, wouldn't last the courtship ritual of three or four, five dates, ten dates, whatever it is.

1:21:52🔗 Drew Or the girl might just say, I'll hook up with this guy, I'm kind of been lonely, I'll hook up with him, and that's that and have made that decision to do that themselves.

1:21:58🔗 Adam Right. So here's the moral of the story is, ladies, if you meet a guy and he's a foreign exchange student from Venezuela and he's backpacking through Southern California and you know it's just going to be a one night thing and he's cute and you want to have sex with him, so be it. But if you're looking for a boyfriend, understand that there has to be a little ritual, a little compulsory part of the dating in order to find out where you stand.

1:22:25🔗 Drew Even before you hook up, it would be in your best interest to have a couple of meals, a couple of something, you know what I mean? Who is this person? Do I lie? How will that feel? And then hook up fine.

1:22:34🔗 Adam What I'll do with my ladies back before I was a single man is I would say, I understand you don't want to sleep with a guy after going out to dinner one time. I would shove 13, 14 dinners into one evening.

1:22:45🔗 Drew Oh, that's good.

1:22:46🔗 Adam I would actually order 40 or 50 entrees. And it's like, just take a bite, take a bite out of the lasagna, take it out of the beef stroganoff there. OK, you tell all your friends. And when they say, how long? Oh, we must have had 15, 20 meals before we actually climbed into bed. That's what that's my plan, Drew. All right, we got to take ourselves a little bit of a break. We'll do it on time for a change. Wilmer Valderrama here tonight. Party Monster, name of his movie. We'll be right back after this. Love Line. There, buddy, it's Loveline, the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Drew, you know how I call all black guys my main man? Because I think it endures me to them.

1:23:44🔗 Drew This guy really is your main man, though.

1:23:46🔗 Adam Well, David Allen Grier, as I call him, Dagg, or my main man, really kind of is my main man. But Bill Bellamy, he, I'll tell you, if something should happen to Dagg.

1:23:57🔗 Drew Bill was right in there.

1:23:58🔗 Adam Bill would be my official main man.

1:24:01🔗 Caller Way to go, B.

1:24:04🔗 Drew So here he is.

1:24:10🔗 Adam I'm Adam, Dr. Drew. L-O-V-E-Line is right here. That is Bill Bellamy. Bill can be found.

1:24:18🔗 Drew I wish you could have seen what I just did, making your damn yellow lemon tea.

1:24:23🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:24:24🔗 Drew The plastic piece of the spark that's hot water thing just broke off and sprayed all over the room and me. Oh, yeah.

1:24:31🔗 Caller Are you okay, my dear?

1:24:32🔗 Adam You want me to rub some butter on that?

1:24:34🔗 Drew No.

1:24:34🔗 Caller You sure? Suck it up, Drew.

1:24:36🔗 Drew Some what?

1:24:36🔗 Adam Some butter.

1:24:37🔗 Suck it up, Drew.

1:24:38🔗 Caller He's all burned. He's red.

1:24:40🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:24:41🔗 Caller His hands are tinted.

1:24:42🔗 Drew But imagine me, I can't even screw in a light bulb. I'm trying to fix this thing. Hot water's spreading everywhere.

1:24:48🔗 Adam Yeah, you aren't good with your hands. You shouldn't be working on people.

1:24:51🔗 Drew I don't do certain procedures.

1:24:53🔗 Caller I don't. I'm good.

1:24:54🔗 Adam You stay away, but you put a finger up somebody, right?

1:24:56🔗 Drew Yeah, it doesn't take skill.

1:24:57🔗 Adam Well, I think it does. I think it takes a soft hand.

1:25:01🔗 Drew I got like a feel. I got good.

1:25:06🔗 Adam Like what would you, like if you felt like a golf ball, you know the difference between a golf ball and a light bulb. Like if you put your finger up there.

1:25:12🔗 Drew I agree.

1:25:13🔗 Adam Okay, cause Bill's gonna test you.

1:25:15🔗 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew, did you have to get that, what is that, exam? When you get to a certain age?

1:25:21🔗 Drew A prostate, yeah. Yeah, in the colonoscopy.

1:25:23🔗 Caller I mean, do you get it once a week or do you just get it that one year?

1:25:28🔗 Caller You get it once a year.

1:25:29🔗 Drew Is there any proposal or something to me?

1:25:30🔗 Caller No, I was just wondering cause your boy said you like, Yeah, he said that. Things in your butt, like golf ball in the butt.

1:25:38🔗 Adam We're just bonding during the prayer.

1:25:42🔗 Caller Dr. Drew was like, not like a golf ball in your butt.

1:25:46🔗 Adam How about that? How often you get the finger in your butt after 40?

1:25:49🔗 Drew Yeah, after 50, it's really important.

1:25:53🔗 Adam Once a year, how about you do a thing where instead of the finger every year, they do the fist every 10 years. I just take it once every 10 years, but a good fist.

1:26:03🔗 Caller But it's going to be, boom.

1:26:04🔗 Caller It's going to be bad.

1:26:05🔗 Caller Oh yeah, you're going to holla.

1:26:06🔗 Adam You're not going to feel it for another 10 years.

1:26:08🔗 Caller But you got 10 years before you see my fist again.

1:26:10🔗 Drew I had a good time. I talked to a surgeon friend of mine tonight and said, no, that hernia, we're going to have to open it up this time.

1:26:14🔗 Adam Oh yeah, Drew got a hernia surgery about three, four months ago. They're going back in.

1:26:20🔗 Caller How did you get it? From lifting?

1:26:22🔗 Caller So it was going back in.

1:26:23🔗 Caller Straining and crying over all them kids.

1:26:25🔗 Adam Bad genes. It going back in.

1:26:26🔗 Caller Got a tinder stomach.

1:26:27🔗 Adam Bill, how old are you?

1:26:29🔗 Caller 38.

1:26:29🔗 Adam 38, you're going to get the finger in a couple of years. Yeah.

1:26:33🔗 Drew Oh yeah.

1:26:34🔗 Adam Oh yeah.

1:26:34🔗 Drew Well tonight if you want to.

1:26:35🔗 Adam You get it tonight. You get it tonight.

1:26:38🔗 Caller But Dr. Drew stick his finger in everybody, but I don't want my butt stuck up.

1:26:41🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:26:42🔗 Caller About 10 years.

1:26:43🔗 Adam They're all special.

1:26:44🔗 Caller He said at 50.

1:26:45🔗 Adam No, no, we got to get the first one at 40, don't you?

1:26:48🔗 Caller Good idea at 40. Really? Yeah.

1:26:50🔗 Adam Because I got one at like 38. You know what was funny? The guy was putting his finger up my ass.

1:26:56🔗 Drew I beg your pardon.

1:26:58🔗 Adam It wasn't you. It was some other doctor. I think he was a doctor. And he said, he was smoking.

1:27:04🔗 Caller He had a jacket on.

1:27:05🔗 Adam He was smoking. He was wearing a leather members only jacket. All right. So he's putting his finger up my ass. And Rice, he's putting it up. He goes, you know the routine. I'm sure you've had this before. And I was like, no, no, no, I haven't.

1:27:19🔗 Caller What if you fart on him? Is that rude? Is that bad? Is that bad?

1:27:24🔗 Adam No, it's considered a sign of respect in many cultures. All right, so Bill, you got to get the finger in about two years.

1:27:33🔗 Caller Yeah, I guess so.

1:27:34🔗 Adam Okay, that's all right.

1:27:35🔗 Caller The fist in 10.

1:27:37🔗 Adam Fist, but then you don't need it again until you're 60.

1:27:40🔗 Caller He's stupid, man.

1:27:41🔗 Caller It's crazy as hell. How do you work with this guy?

1:27:44🔗 Caller He gets, why?

1:27:45🔗 Adam We split the money. Are you kidding? And I don't look at it as us getting paid the same. I look at you as taking half of my money. You understand? There's a difference. Malia?

1:27:55🔗 Yes.

1:27:56🔗 Adam You're 19?

1:27:57🔗 Caller I am.

1:27:58🔗 Caller What's up?

1:28:01🔗 Caller Last year, I broke up with my ex because he cheated on me with a bunch of girls. And now I've met somebody new who I really like and I can't seem to get past the trust with thinking that he's gonna do the same thing.

1:28:15🔗 Drew Given that you're attracted to him, I might say that's a reasonable bet.

1:28:19🔗 Adam Meaning you're attracted to the kind of guys who cheat.

1:28:21🔗 Drew Yeah, you're attracted to him.

1:28:23🔗 Adam Well, has this happened before or just the one guy? That was the only guy who's cheated on you?

1:28:29🔗 Caller Yeah. Was he caught in the act or was it really a tragic?

1:28:33🔗 Caller No, actually, one of his girlfriends called our apartment.

1:28:37🔗 Drew Oh, your apartment. You were living with him?

1:28:39🔗 Caller That's so awesome.

1:28:40🔗 Drew You're 19. How old was he?

1:28:43🔗 Caller 33.

1:28:44🔗 Drew You're fast.

1:28:45🔗 Adam That's great, Drew, please. And what happened? Did you answer the phone?

1:28:49🔗 Caller Yeah, I answered the phone and...

1:28:50🔗 Adam And what'd you do? Did you do that thing that chicks do where they get the information and they sit on it for a while and they go, somebody interesting called today. And you go, yeah, and you start hearing that music, like it's a movie, you start hearing that music. Say they were a friend of yours. Tell me some very interesting things about it.

1:29:07🔗 Caller I got all the details like most women would and then sat on it for a good five minutes. I threw all of his clothes out of the house and then I gave him two black eyes at work.

1:29:15🔗 Caller Oh, you went to work and just socked him?

1:29:17🔗 Caller Yeah, in front of all of his coworkers.

1:29:21🔗 Drew Now how old is he?

1:29:22🔗 Caller He has fast hands.

1:29:23🔗 Drew How old is your new boyfriend?

1:29:24🔗 Caller 36.

1:29:26🔗 Drew 36.

1:29:26🔗 Adam Now, was it one good pop in the nose that gave him the two black eyes? Or was it a quick left right combo?

1:29:32🔗 Caller No. I hit him pretty hard.

1:29:35🔗 Adam Wow.

1:29:36🔗 Caller I mean, he's 6'6 and I almost knocked him down, so.

1:29:39🔗 Drew Answer the question.

1:29:40🔗 Adam One good shot in the nose?

1:29:42🔗 Caller No, two. I hit him twice.

1:29:43🔗 Adam Oh, that's what I'm saying. A left right?

1:29:45🔗 Caller What, what? How do you hit a man twice that fast so you don't have a chance to block?

1:29:49🔗 Drew Maybe got one and then a few minutes later got another good one on the other side.

1:29:52🔗 Adam And also, when you know you've been busted, like I had a girlfriend punch me out once and I was happy. Cause this then gets you off of whatever it is she was punching you about.

1:30:02🔗 Caller So it's over.

1:30:03🔗 Adam Well, it's not quite over, but she then is apologizing to you theoretically when you should be apologizing to her and all you got was a whack in the head. I mean, you'll get over that.

1:30:13🔗 Drew Malia, though, is a violent person. So we got some more.

1:30:15🔗 Caller I take it you were very, very hurt. You trusted this person a lot.

1:30:19🔗 Adam Malia, what's your nationality? Italian, Mexican, Armenian? What do you got?

1:30:25🔗 Caller No, I'm Native American and Scottish.

1:30:28🔗 Adam So you like to do a little drinking, do you?

1:30:31🔗 Caller No.

1:30:31🔗 Adam No?

1:30:32🔗 Caller No.

1:30:33🔗 Adam Really, no boozing?

1:30:34🔗 Caller No.

1:30:35🔗 Adam Just punching?

1:30:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:30:39🔗 Drew No boozing because dad was-

1:30:40🔗 Adam Well, but heading down, by the way, finding out your boyfriend cheated and looking over at him on the sofa after having a couple of glasses of wine and whacking him one is one thing, but driving down to his work and punching him out.

1:30:53🔗 Caller Yeah, that's crazy.

1:30:54🔗 Adam That's crazy times.

1:30:55🔗 Caller That's premeditated.

1:30:56🔗 Adam Right.

1:30:57🔗 Drew You should have gone to jail for that.

1:30:58🔗 Caller Yeah, that's premeditated. You should have killed him. Not killed him, but you should have hit him the moment you call, because now you got time to think, how can I embarrass this guy? I'm gonna let him know, I mean, you could have just put all his clothes in the tub and poured bleach on him.

1:31:12🔗 Adam That's right.

1:31:13🔗 Caller I've heard of that.

1:31:13🔗 Drew It's an assault.

1:31:14🔗 Adam Are you violent? Are you a violent person? No. No, you're defiant.

1:31:18🔗 Caller Yeah, of course not. Now you come.

1:31:20🔗 Adam Okay, so you don't have any weird problems here. Nobody was alcoholic in your family or did any violence or anything? Of course.

1:31:27🔗 Caller My mother is an alcoholic, yes.

1:31:29🔗 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:31:30🔗 Adam All right, is there violence in your family?

1:31:32🔗 Caller No.

1:31:32🔗 Drew Mom was never violent, please. Come on, of course she was kind of out of control.

1:31:35🔗 Adam Somebody had to do something, otherwise there's just something up, right?

1:31:39🔗 Caller Is that what she gets the rage from?

1:31:40🔗 Caller No, my mother had issues with her relationship with her boyfriend.

1:31:45🔗 Drew With a lot of fighting and violence.

1:31:47🔗 Caller Yeah, they yelled a lot, but it was never.

1:31:49🔗 Adam You had to be around a lot of chaos and live this kind of life. So, Malia, we don't trust the guy you would choose. That's our problem. It's not that all guys cheat, it's that the guys you choose cheat.

1:32:01🔗 Drew The ones you're attracted to, the ones you really are into, those are the guys that are gonna cheat.

1:32:06🔗 Adam You like to dance, you like to mix it up, you like some chaos.

1:32:09🔗 Drew Because of your chaos, because of the trauma, you gotta learn not to go after guys you're super, super attracted to. You gotta go to guys that are a little more boring.

1:32:15🔗 Adam Some of the guys are a little more boring, and he won't cheat.

1:32:17🔗 Caller That guy, I'm not super, he's not one of the guys I'm like, oh, what happened to me?

1:32:21🔗 Adam You're not super into it?

1:32:22🔗 Drew Good, good, good.

1:32:22🔗 Adam Good, he won't cheat.

1:32:24🔗 Caller How do you go out with somebody that's like, okay?

1:32:27🔗 Adam You gotta drink.

1:32:28🔗 Caller Why would you do that?

1:32:28🔗 Drew You have a choice.

1:32:29🔗 Adam You gotta boost.

1:32:29🔗 Drew You can be into somebody that really makes you excited and be miserable, or you can have a pleasant life, a real true intimacy with somebody. So, you're saying to me, I should date.

1:32:39🔗 Caller I'm just saying.

1:32:39🔗 Drew No, no, I don't know. You're a trauma survivor. That's for people that have real serious trauma histories.

1:32:43🔗 Caller Whoa.

1:32:45🔗 Caller So, when you date, you shouldn't have a lot of information in your head so that you could figure out what you're dealing with.

1:32:51🔗 Drew We should put together a handheld device.

1:32:53🔗 Caller You need some kind of, you need a questionnaire, basically, when you meet a new chick.

1:32:57🔗 Adam I'll tell you what we need. You see the quarterbacks in the NFL wearing those wristbands with all the little, just tuck in. It'd be like, how's your dad? What do you think your dad? That son of a bitch. I'll kill him if I ever see him again.

1:33:12🔗 Drew See also, algorithm of the use of father.

1:33:16🔗 Adam She orders a Long Island iced tea and you guys are out for lunch and she just shotguns the thing. That's another wristband thing to check. She's a, yeah, but let me tell you, all this stuff adds up to great sex.

1:33:29🔗 Drew Oh, the sex is incredible.

1:33:30🔗 Adam But you gotta pull out because you get pregnant and then you get married and then you're crazy.

1:33:35🔗 Drew You actually have a stable relationship, then no sex.

1:33:38🔗 Adam Oh yeah, that happens too.

1:33:40🔗 Drew Shuts down.

1:33:40🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:33:41🔗 Caller What would you say? When you have what?

1:33:44🔗 Drew If you have somebody like that who's super, super sexual, more often than not, when you actually establish a true intimacy, the sex completely shuts down.

1:33:50🔗 Caller Because they can't do it.

1:33:52🔗 Drew They can't handle intimacy at sex.

1:33:53🔗 Adam And then when things start going smoothly for a little bit, they gotta stir it up. So they can go nail one of your friends and somehow let you know about it. And then you go flying. Then you get the bleach jug out.

1:34:04🔗 Caller Then you get to go push somebody and get them to black out.

1:34:06🔗 Adam Right, they're right in the middle of it. That's just where they like it.

1:34:09🔗 Caller Good time.

1:34:09🔗 Adam All right, let's take ourselves a little break.

1:34:11🔗 Caller That's a great weekend.

1:34:12🔗 Adam Lessons with Bill Bellamy. Learning all about the ladies.

1:34:16🔗 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:34:21🔗 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:34:23🔗 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:24🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:25🔗 Caller The Dateline.

1:34:26🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:32🔗 Caller Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:34:33🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:50🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:34:51🔗 Drew 2004, looking forward to it.

1:34:53🔗 Adam Yeah, well, Drew.

1:34:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:34:55🔗 Adam We just taped this, you know.

1:34:57🔗 Drew We're still looking forward to 2004.

1:34:59🔗 Adam Yeah, but not if that dirty bomb hits.

1:35:00🔗 Drew Oh yeah, you're right, good point.

1:35:02🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:35:02🔗 Drew Interesting. Well, it could be a eventful New Year's Day, then, I guess.

1:35:06🔗 Adam Well, it doesn't have to happen on New Year's Day. It could happen before. It's just somewhere in time we tape this and the time this is supposed to air.

1:35:13🔗 Drew Yeah. Nice thought.

1:35:15🔗 Caller Happy New Year, hey!

1:35:18🔗 Adam And God willing, we'll see you back with live shows. And until then, this is Adam Carolla with Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:28🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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