1:04🔗
Adam
I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOV-E191. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Dr. Drew is in Syracuse, New York, tonight, yes?
1:21🔗
Adam
Yeah, you know, I used to say yes. Uh-oh. And sort of have my tongue in my cheek, but now I realize I'm doing it intentionally.
1:38🔗
Drew
It's the weather, fog. And goddamn it, it took me like 14 hours to get here because of the fog in Chicago.
1:45🔗
Adam
Yes. Well, Drew, Drew only does gigs that involve three or four flights in a mule. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, yeah, there you go. Drew, seriously, what time did you leave LA this morning?
2:11🔗
Drew
I think I left the air, I left the terminal at six o'clock. I was at the airport at 5.30.
2:19🔗
Drew
No, it was six. It was like six o'clock, 6.15, but don't worry. I stayed out of the tarmac for three hours.
2:26🔗
Adam
Don't worry. Of course, of course, of course. All to go pick up a nickel in Syracuse. What a strategy. Note nothing direct to Syracuse either, right? Got to fly to Chicago. Just one fogged in flight to Chicago. Fantastic. All right, buddy, enjoy. When are you coming home?
2:53🔗
Drew
I was at Syracuse University and I was in the room that you and I spoke in many years ago. Remember that?
3:01🔗
Drew
Yeah. Adam used to go around, travel with me. He gave a crap about people and kids and wanted to talk to them.
3:08🔗
Adam
That was the old Adam and do anything for a nickel. Now I got a couple of bucks. Screw those kids in Syracuse. Okay. Here's, here's the point. First off, Puddle of Mudd is coming on the show tonight or are coming on the show tonight. Wesley is going to be here, the lead singer from Puddle of Mudd. I don't know where he is. So he'll be here in classic rock rock. Well now Chris has picked up the phone. He's distracting me. What's going on over there, Chris? 10 minutes. Okay. I fear that's something to do with with us. This is a first, Drew. Someone's late for the show. Oh, never. We've got to push it back to 1030. Here's the point. He's coming in here from Puddle of Mudd. That's good. They've sold, you know, their last album sold five million copies. Wow. Yeah. You know, Puddle of Mudd, like we're doing this with Lincoln Park a few days ago. Like you think of Lincoln Park is, yeah, those guys, nice guys, what they do. They sold eight million records. You know what I mean?
4:08🔗
Adam
Puddle of Mudd. You're like, yeah, this guy, what are they doing? Playing. What are they doing? Like, proms and stuff like that. They're making a living, aren't they? I mean, you know, they travel in the fan, but they're out of their parents' house, aren't they? Five million records. Drew, we got to get him to the scene. You understand? Yeah. Because I know you. I asked him what he thought the biggest seller of 2002 was. He said Burt Bacharach. Is that true, Drew?
4:49🔗
Adam
Me. While you're chasing a nickel in Syracuse, I'm chilling with the Oz Man over at the Oz Four in the state. MTV was doing some kind of something or other over there, some kind of Christmas extravaganza, and they wanted me to come over and do a little something, something. So I came over and did a little something, something. You know, the thing about I've seen the Osbournes a thousand times on TV. It's a great show. I enjoyed it. I love everybody. But the house is really impressive in real life. I bet. I mean, it's a it's a substantial house. You want to know? Let me tell you, Drew, let me tell you how you know it's a serious, serious house when the hardware is custom made. I'm talking about the hinges, the handles, you know what I mean? You think, Drew, in your penny ante life, you wouldn't think anything could get better than just the best hardware, right? Like if you're if you're willing to step up to the Baldwin, that the Baldwin polished brass, that's the best money can buy. That's the best life has to offer. But you don't realize that when people who have super mega bucks build a house, they forge their own hardware.
6:00🔗
Adam
I didn't know all Ozzie's locks have like the cross on it and the front. The hinges for the front doors are two wrists clenched in a fist holding the hinge pins, you know, the size of real hands made a solid brass sticking out. Like it's like, you know, normally you just want to sort of ignore, you know, you hope you don't see the hinges when you go to a really nice house. There's thousands and thousands of dollars just of the hardware, just to the decoration stuff out there. Oh yeah, very nice. Nice.
6:33🔗
Drew
I did. Yeah, I just didn't know. You don't even think about those options, didn't really know they existed, you know.
6:39🔗
Adam
Oh yeah. Oh yeah, when you're doing the big stuff, you got like your initials and stuff forged into all the doorknobs. That's the big boxes. All right, Drew, Brown Rock.
6:48🔗
Adam
Yeah, anyway, he had had snow put down there and it was nice. Yeah, got a little snow around, I think they went down there.
6:58🔗
Adam
I just did a little bit. You know what? I was telling people how to make cranberry sauce. You know how I like cranberries?
7:13🔗
Adam
All right. And let me just say one thing real fast about the Oz house and anybody involved with any kind of city planning or anything. I know this is something I've brought up before, but naturally I got the horrible directions, you know? Yeah. Directions said, you know, take Sunset down to Doheny and then take Doheny down to this way, right? Well, there's Doheny and then there's Doheny Road and then there's Doheny Place and then there's Doheny Canyon. You know what I'm saying? Yes, yes. And which street, which Doheny do you turn on? I'll tell you which one. The first goddamn Doheny you see when you're driving along a main road and you're like looking for a street and you see that street, you turn on it. And then the one that says Canyon is the next block, but it's too late. You've turned on the first one. Do you see what I'm saying?
8:16🔗
Adam
Yes. What kind of retarded logic is it to name three goddamn streets the same name and put them in the same effing place?
8:23🔗
Drew
I know. Look, and then there's North and South, as though they're entirely different streets.
8:36🔗
Adam
We don't care. We're fine. We're glad that you're here now. That's what I'm saying. But I'm saying, why name a street, why name a street the same name three times and then give it the place, the road, and the way? You know what I'm saying?
8:52🔗
Adam
It's very confusing. Anyway, I turned down Doheny and drove all the way down to Wilshire before I realized I was heading in the wrong direction and made it back up to the Osborne place in one piece. Still had to wait around for an hour.
9:09🔗
Adam
It's cool. It's like the TV show, but it smells weird and Ozzie ain't moving around like Peter Pan anymore. He slowed down a little bit. The Oz man has. I'm not sure, Drew. You probably, by the way, every third person I ran into in the Osborne house, pulled me aside and said, tell Drew I'm doing good. Thanks. So evidently a lot of drugs going around in that place.
9:55🔗
Adam
Well, you're not going to see him tonight either because you're in Syracuse instead of doing your job out here.
10:02🔗
Adam
You like Drew? Really? Yeah. He's all right. You guys can come. You know, I'm here. That's important.
10:09🔗
Adam
Yeah, people think that. But what do you see? It's not that it's not that impressive. It's like it's like a chick. He always thought was hot. And then you see her in real life. She's kind of short and she's got thick ankles. That's Drew with the knowledge. You see what I'm saying? You think he's smart.
10:23🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Then you see him and it's kind of we should all go swimming with bowlegged women, women too.
10:30🔗
Yeah.
10:32🔗
Yeah.
10:32🔗
Adam
OK, buddy. Just checking with you. All right. Now, don't fade off on me, because I know it's like a 130 where you are right now, right?
10:38🔗
Drew
It's 130. And I'm just I'm just like a punching bag. You're taking taking abuse from you. What do you want me to do? Jump in and take a chill, take a chill pill, brother.
10:54🔗
Adam
No, I'm not. How dare you? How dare you? I had a glass of champagne over one glass, one glass that was many hours ago.
11:08🔗
Adam
Leslie's had a few nips, so I can smell that on her. Nothing wrong with that. It's part of the rock style. It's part of the lifestyle. So the new CD comes out Tuesday tomorrow, right?
11:20🔗
Adam
The 25th. We're going to hear something off the new CD. It's called Life on Display. I was I don't know if you heard me talking about, but I can't believe that five million copies have come clean were sold in 2001. And it's just it's just it's amazing.
11:42🔗
Puddle of Mudd
It's it's it's a crazy experience, you know, but you got to move on and and, you know, write more songs.
11:55🔗
Puddle of Mudd
It's a factor. But, you know, I'm trying not to look at it like that. I'm just writing, you know, writing music.
12:02🔗
Adam
Good. You're keeping it real. That's what we call it, Drew. Hey, by the way, the band, are you guys from San Diego? No, because the band played a free show to raise money for the fire victims in San Diego.
12:16🔗
Adam
Nice. That's nice. I thought you only do that for your hometown kind of thing. Right, right, right.
12:34🔗
Adam
Well, do something, maybe a race ride or something, whatever it is, then Puddle of Mudd comes in and heals the city. That's what I'm talking about. All right, we're going to take some calls. Drew, you ready to take some calls?
12:47🔗
Adam
Let me tell you what a science this show is. You know, last night you put your Post-It sticker next to the call you wanted last at the end of last night's show.
13:19🔗
Hello.
13:21🔗
Yeah. Hey, Dr. Drew.
13:23🔗
It's fun to say how big of a fan I am. I've been listening to you guys since I was, like, 14. I think you guys are so wonderful. Okay, so I have two questions. First question is regarding my fiancé, and he's kind of into necrophilia.
13:41🔗
Who?
13:50🔗
He likes for me to lay down and pretend that I'm dead and not move. And at first it was a joke because we just thought it was cute, and now he's asking me to do it on a regular basis, and it's really freaking me out, and I don't know how to deal with it in an appropriate manner because I don't want to make him self-conscious.
14:06🔗
Drew
I wonder if he's calling it lay down and pretend you're dead when the reality is he just wants you to lie down and be still. You know what I'm saying, Adam? The guys may have screwed up ways of getting their sort of needs met, like, let's play a game, let's pretend you're dead. And the reality guy's just like, I need you to hold still.
14:24🔗
No, no, no, but I really, I really try and fulfill his sexual prowess.
14:33🔗
Well, I know, I mean, in other ways, like in a neural fashion or...
14:38🔗
Adam
Well, I know, but like during the necrophilia portion of the sexual ride, you have to lie motionless, right? And so you can't really do much for him, right?
14:53🔗
Uh-huh.
14:57🔗
Adam
No, I don't know, but does he... All right, well, wait a minute. Does he say necrophilia?
15:03🔗
Yeah, he said, we're going to play necrophiliac.
15:08🔗
Drew
He's just role playing. But is he talking about those things? Is he into death and death images? Does he talk...
15:16🔗
No, not at all, no.
15:21🔗
No, he's totally normal.
15:25🔗
Puddle of Mudd
I was just going to say, the next game that he's probably going to make you play is like maybe jumping on a trampoline, like naked or something.
15:36🔗
He just wants me to lie there and be still. I don't know.
15:39🔗
Drew
See, Adam, I really think this is the way he gets her to lie still, because she's so busy, she's so busy satisfying him, she can't get her to relax. Just be still, let him do his thing.
15:51🔗
Adam
Drew, you have a lot of hairbrain schemes. I'm on board with most of them, but I don't think you risk creeping her out and freaking her out by saying this, although let's find out what he does when you pretend you're dead.
16:05🔗
He just, you know, he makes me lie still and goes at it until he, you know, goes to orgasm and you know, and then it's over.
16:18🔗
Yeah.
16:23🔗
No, I don't orgasm during sex.
16:46🔗
Adam
Are his parents alive? Did he, did he see any death? Anything weird? Was he a NAM? Anything?
16:52🔗
Both of his parents are, I mean.
16:54🔗
Drew
Adam, every, every single time she mentions necrophilia, she goes, he just wants me to lie still. That, that's not, it's not, he doesn't want her sort of, you know, draped in a, you know, in a shroud. He just wants her to lie still. And he calls that, let's play necrophilia.
17:15🔗
I have another question.
17:19🔗
I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome when I was 16.
17:24🔗
And my doctor last year suggested that I go on glucophage, which is a medication that makes you super fertile. Right.
17:34🔗
Right. But it's used to treat women with polycystic ovarian syndrome because it, because we can't deal with insulin properly.
17:42🔗
Drew
Right. It's may, it has nothing to do with the ovarian function or fertility. It just helps you with your insulin resistance. It decreases, it theoretically may even decrease your risk of developing diabetes, but it certainly helps you, your sugar metabolism just generally.
17:57🔗
Um, my doctor had told me that we don't put women on this unless we're trying to actively get them to have a baby and I got engaged to him in December and I'm getting a lot of flak from my family because they all want me to go on, on it so I don't damage my system any further than it already has been by this disease. So I'm wondering if I should go on it and risk having a baby.
18:20🔗
Drew
What, Drew? Wait a minute, you got this all screwed up. First of all, your system has not been damaged by Polycystic Ovarian Disease, okay? Are you overweight?
18:29🔗
No.
18:30🔗
Drew
You may not even have the insulin resistance if you're not overweight associated with Polycystic Ovarian Disease, but as a sort of a safety, people often, many particularly gynecologists, were advised patients to go on glucophage to help with the insulin metabolism.
18:44🔗
Adam
Oh, wait a minute, hold on a second, Drew. Wait, let me just say one thing. Everybody, you can't ask a crazy necrophilia question that's going to last four minutes and then follow it up with a Polycystic Ovarian question. You got one goddamn question.
19:06🔗
Drew
Just to say, the reason to treat the diabetes is they get gestational diabetes. They get diabetes during the pregnancy. If they get pregnant, the glucophage really, to my knowledge, does not affect fertility per se. So don't worry about that.
19:21🔗
Oh, oh.
37:05🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, little Puddle of Mudd for you. Wesley's here tonight, representing. And the new CD, Life on Display, is out Tuesday, one week from tomorrow. Jon Stamos, the 26th Beach Boy, is on Line 7, or so it says. We'll find out. Jon?
37:38🔗
Puddle of Mudd
He's good and he's funny, but I wanted to talk to you because I haven't, I've been dying to do your show.
37:47🔗
Adam
Because producer Ann has been dying to get you in here for ever since you were blacky on Days of Our Lives.
37:56🔗
Adam
Nobody's asked you? Well, see these, these are what publicists do, Jon. They get in between the artists.
38:08🔗
Adam
Let me tell you how evil publicists are. They even keep their own clients away from each other. They're that evil.
38:38🔗
Puddle of Mudd
And the greatest thing is he's got a midget thing, I guess whatever the reverse of fetish is. And the kryptonite, at the end of the night, they were sitting up on the bar and one of the guys said, hey, who's gonna help me down? And he extended his, I wouldn't say hand, more of a paw.
38:55🔗
Puddle of Mudd
He extended his paw and Jon and I, and Jimmy was like, hey, help him down to make out with him.
39:00🔗
Puddle of Mudd
And then we did that thing you do with kids where you take a one, two, three, swing. We just kept doing it. Yeah.
39:12🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Here's the honest truth. I've had an issue with little people, like the last 10 or 15 years. Everywhere I would go, like to Disneyland or to like anywhere in public, little people would kind of show up like at dinner, like a family of little people. And people thought I was crazy. Like, you know, you're, you know, and then my friends would go out with me and say, oh my God, you're right. But then I met Rebecca and they kind of disappeared.
39:37🔗
Puddle of Mudd
No, but that's one of the reasons why I married her. A lot of people think it's all, you know, she's cool. But that was, you know, I couldn't talk about it in my vows, but-
39:52🔗
Adam
No, we don't like midgets. I'm with you. And why should someone as physically perfect as you or Rebecca have to put up with anybody that's less than that? I totally agree with Stamos. The beautiful people do not need to talk to the warts on the ass of society.
40:12🔗
Adam
You chill with the Olsen twins and the Beach Boys. You leave the midgets and the ugly people to me and Kimmel. We know how to handle it.
40:18🔗
Puddle of Mudd
You know what freaked me out? When I met you and I was so excited to meet you, because I'm such a fan, your wife was like, told me that you watch Full House all the time.
40:30🔗
Adam
I love Full House. It's good family entertainment. And I'm also was a big, I was a big TGI Friday fan too.
40:43🔗
Adam
Yeah. And I loved, I loved Full House. I loved you. You were, you were, you were, you were a tough biker with a heart of gold. You know what I mean? You really were. You love those kids.
40:57🔗
Adam
I'm sure you don't talk to any of the cast anymore. But I mean, on the show, you were fond of them, right?
41:34🔗
Adam
Listen, Jon, I'm telling you guys, hey, Jimmy, I think there's going to be some swinging going on.
41:50🔗
Puddle of Mudd
I really would, because I'm such a huge fan of the show and I want to talk sex. I want to keep Rebecca off the show because she's a little loose-lipped.
43:09🔗
Adam
He's calling from Pasadena, which is your hometown, by the way. Maybe he knows something about you. George?
43:15🔗
Adam
You're 26. Why does Drew, other than low self-esteem, why does he prefer powdered creamer as opposed to milk in his coffee?
43:23🔗
Caller
Well, actually, this is a scientific explanation here. Milk creates phlegm in the voice, which when you talk on a microphone, makes you sound kind of, you know, I don't know, you kind of get that whole...
43:37🔗
Puddle of Mudd
You know, he's absolutely correct about that. Dairy, all dairy affects the vocal cords.
43:47🔗
Caller
You're not even supposed to drink milk on a hot day because, you know, you'll poo cheese, so.
43:54🔗
Adam
Yeah, if it's good. And if you can, if you can, if you can aim it just right so it lands on the cracker. Great shape. So so George, George's hypotheses is that Drew is such a pro. That's why he doesn't put the dairy products in his in his coffee. I would argue that if he was really that much a pro, he wouldn't sock the mic three or four times a night when he's moving around, whacking it every night, the Zelba talking to people off the microphone, saying things like thanks when people walk in and hand him stuff and then taking the guests out of the out of the hall and talking to him for five minutes. Yeah.
44:35🔗
Adam
How about the other night when the show started and Drew was out chatting the guest up in the hall, someone had to go get him. That is not the mark of a professional, my friend. So these all would poke gaping holes in George's professional idea. But but a worthwhile try. And in Drew, a supporter of Drew, obviously. Wes, who do you want to talk to? You want to talk to someone about condoms, parents constantly fighting. What about this guy's just been on hold for 79 minutes? Maybe we should talk to him.
45:59🔗
Adam
Yeah, ten years. My mom remarried and so did my dad also. And I'm going to homeschooling because I don't kind of credit the graduate. I graduated and I was like 20.
46:13🔗
Adam
And so they homeschool me so I can graduate in time with my friends. My mom and my dad, before they got divorced, they had a credit card and they both had their names on it. And then ten years later, my mom told my dad and there's like $20,000 spent on it.
46:33🔗
Adam
All right. It's going to take more than just a couple of seconds to sort out. I like that, by the way, at the rate you're going, you would graduate high school at 26. But we'll homeschool you. We'll give you a diploma in three weeks.
46:48🔗
Adam
I'd like to do some home college and then some homework and then some home marriage. How about that? Yeah, just go home, get everything you need.
46:56🔗
Adam
We'll take a quick break. We'll get back with Alex after this. Alright guys, here's the deal.
47:03🔗
Caller
Sick of wasting time with the wrong person? Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make.
47:41🔗
Adam
Loveline, Fast, Grown, Outlaw Radio, North America. Drew is over there at Syracuse Repersuit.
48:06🔗
He'll do it.
48:11🔗
We'll drop it together. Okay, we've dropped it.
48:13🔗
Adam
The trowel's officially dropped. Yeah. All right. Now I gotta head back down to reality. Everybody, Wesley's here from Puddle of Mudd.
48:28🔗
Adam
CD is coming out one week from tomorrow. And let me let you kiddies in on a little something, something that Puddle of Mudd is doing. One lucky person will have the opportunity to go out on tour with Puddle of Mudd on the tour bus, hang backstage, hang with the band. Is this for one week?
48:46🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Receive free guitars, free just all kinds of stuff. Get cash, party. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be insane.
48:53🔗
Adam
Now here's how you do this. You buy the CD and if the CD has the lucky prize in it, what is it?
49:02🔗
Puddle of Mudd
And you know, when you open the CD, it's gonna just grab it and then you call in and you know, you get your own tour bus.
49:11🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Come hang out with us. Get, you know, we're gonna give some free guitars away. We're gonna sign a bunch of stuff. It's gonna be, it's gonna be off the hook.
49:27🔗
Puddle of Mudd
They're gonna just fly out, get their own bus. And we're just trying to like give back to the, you know, give back to the fans, interact with the fans and have a good time.
49:41🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Yeah, definitely. I mean, you know, when I was growing up, and I'm sure, you know, when you were growing up, you couldn't just kind of walk into a store and go, hmm, I'll take that, that, that, that, and that and roll out, you know?
49:57🔗
Adam
Listen, we had eight track cassettes. Reel to reel. Drew would actually have to have the band in his car if he wanted music in his car. Drew, back in the day.
50:18🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Hey, I'm still going old school with the acoustic guitar. You know, that's how they played most of my songs, so.
50:26🔗
Adam
They didn't have microphones either. Drew's band would sing in one of those megaphone things. Oh, don't you be my melancholy baby. Guy in a straw hat.
50:49🔗
Adam
All right, let's... Now, who were we talking to? Oh, we were talking to Alex up here. Yeah, he's fighting.
50:57🔗
Adam
Had some trouble. Alex? All right, parents have been divorced for 10 years. Credit card with both their names on it. $20,000 bill.
51:10🔗
Adam
Yeah, and I go to school with my dad, where my stepmom actually teaches me. And now I'm very pissed and they want my mom to pay this money. And she just got recently divorced, so she's not financially steady or whatever.
51:25🔗
Adam
All right, let me interject here, Alex. Your parents are, they're embarrassing disaster. That's fine. You're going to home school. Forget about this home school. So what? You get a home school diploma. What do you do with that?
51:41🔗
Adam
You can't lay that into anything. You're not going to college. You need to start looking for a job, my friend.
52:14🔗
Puddle of Mudd
You should probably like, you know, pick up some guitar or something, man, and you know, release some of that aggression you got inside of you, man, and probably come out pretty cool.
52:26🔗
Adam
Do you play music? You interested in music, Alex? All right, screw that then. Look, it's not for everybody. Not everyone can be an artist, Wes. All right, Alex, here's what you need to do. You need to focus on your job. Don't worry about the homeschooling. Get a friend, get a roommate.
52:46🔗
Adam
And leave all these troubles behind. Do not feel responsible for your parents and their woes and their screwed up relationships and lives. You just get your stuff, get your roommate, get out into the world, get on your own, and start finding your way.
53:10🔗
Adam
Occasionally. All right, what kind of cooking do you do? Short order cook? Oh really, because yeah, he's calling from Minnesota. He wants that good Mexican food. You go to Minnesota, my friend. No better, no finer Mexican cuisine in the United States and Minnesota. Am I right?
53:29🔗
Drew
Of course, the further north you go, the better it gets. It's head north for the border.
53:34🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's right. All right, buddy. Look, okay, let me give my speech. Not everyone's a good student. I was a horrible student. I'm guessing Wes didn't make the Dean's List.
53:51🔗
Adam
That's my point. But you were good at something and you focused on it. And now you make a nice living doing it. And all you people like Alex who just, you know, you're not good students, fine. You're not going to college. Great. You can make a good living as a chef. You go to culinary school, go there, go there for a couple of years. Next thing you know, you're 19 years old and you get a decent job at some four-star hotel.
54:13🔗
Drew
I guess what we're saying here is Adam Carolla is the poster child for not doing well in school and finding something you are good at and becoming literally a millionaire.
54:31🔗
Literally, I'm a millionaire.
54:39🔗
Adam
Let's talk to Anthony, been on hold for 82 minutes. That's what I try to claim for. Hey, Anthony?
54:49🔗
Adam
Okay, my question is, well, I've been having sex with my girlfriend and she's also 14 and I wanna know if I could get in trouble, what are the statutory rape laws and stuff like that?
55:10🔗
Drew
Let's be clear, 14 is young. It is very young. And although for you, you may feel like you're ready, it's young. And for her, it may be.
55:17🔗
Puddle of Mudd
You might wanna move on to like maybe 16, 17. I don't know, man. If you're 18, I mean, I guess that's cool.
55:24🔗
Adam
If it's California, Drew, what is the law now? If it's California and you're both 14, it's illegal because the girl's under 14?
55:37🔗
Drew
In other words, I think the law is that they can be within three years of the woman. As long as she is, if he's over 18.
55:57🔗
Adam
Here's what I'm saying. If the chick is under 18 and you're under 18, it's better for you than you being over 18 and her being under 18.
56:11🔗
Adam
All right. So you've got to deal with that there, Anthony. What are you using for protection? Pez dispenser? What do you use at 14?
56:26🔗
Drew
Fantastic. Wow. Good for you guys. But Adam, I think you can be 17 as long as the guy is not over 20. And you can be 16 as long as the guy is not over 19. The guy can be within three years of the girl if she's under 18.
56:54🔗
Adam
Okay. Again, we do this show every night. People call from all over the country. They want to know the rules on statutory rape. Couldn't we just unify these rules? Does it have to be, well, in Hawaii it's 14, but in Thailand, it's like, it's time. Well, I don't know how much jurisdiction we have over other nations, but at least in the United States, couldn't we just call it 18 or 16 or whatever it is? Does it have to vary from Florida to Nevada to California? It's very confusing.
57:28🔗
Adam
All right, but we agree on certain things. Like we agree on the age to vote and the age to buy liquor, or at least we have recently come to agree on ages, such as voting, the military, things like that. How about just the age of consent? Just call it 17 in a month or something and just move forward.
58:07🔗
Yeah.
58:15🔗
Caller
Well, OK. I've been with my ex. I was with my ex, Beyonce, for four years. She decided to leave me two and a half weeks before we get married. We have a seven month old son together. And she's been like messing around with his other dude. And he's leaving for the military in January. And like lately, she's been coming around a lot more than she has been in the past month or so. And every time we're over here talking, she's like, this is kind of a bad situation. I'm like, why? You know, she says because she'll end up doing something. And I'm just like wondering if I should even like try anything with her or what?
58:56🔗
Adam
Well, let me ask you this. You have a seven month old. She did she leave your seven month old with you or did she?
59:25🔗
Caller
The day she left, she just came home and like got her stuff in the baby and left. But the day before we got into an argument about me writing up a will, I was like, and at the time I was only 19, I was like, I'm 19 years old. My son's four, four months old. I'm not I don't plan on dying anytime soon.
59:45🔗
Adam
You know, and what, by the way, what are you leaving behind? A bong and a moped? No, you're 19 for the love of Christ, some Healy shoes. I got a leather fanny pack, one Harachi, a bong. It was an apple at one point and part of a toilet paper roll and and a moped. Oh, and a zipper scooter.
1:00:08🔗
Caller
Well, now I see I'm a little more established than most 20 year olds. I have I have three cars in my name, three cars that are paid for my own house and a couple about $200,000 in the bank.
1:00:30🔗
Adam
OK, and listen, screw her. I'm moving out there. We'll start it. We'll start fresh, brother. And I can I can I can build a trust myself. You know what I mean? I know I know the difference between a joist and a purlin. You know what I'm saying?
1:01:04🔗
Adam
So yeah, it's all coming into focus now. What kind of wheels you got? What kind of car do you got?
1:01:11🔗
Caller
Well, my daily driver's a 97 Cavalier, little putter car. But I got a 2000 Eclipse GST. That's strictly set up for the drive strip. And then I've got my Montero.
1:01:39🔗
Adam
Right. I don't trust her. She's going to be a very chaotic wife and mother. And then what will end up happening is you think, all right, well, we got a kid and we were in love and blah, blah, blah. Where do you have three kids? And she goes AWOL again four years from now.
1:01:52🔗
Caller
Right. Yeah. I mean, the reason I say anything is because the whole time we've been together, it's on it. We were together on and off.
1:02:17🔗
Adam
So listen, Andrew, you may know steel trusses, but I know the ladies. All right. You do the do the truss work, do you not?
1:02:50🔗
Adam
All right. You're an independently wealthy man. You got you got a couple hundred grand. Your grandparents left.
1:02:58🔗
Adam
You got a nice house in Missouri, probably worth 18 grand. You got you got a sweet cavalier to tool around in. You got yourself the you got a Mitsubishi that'll run under a you got an eclipse that'll run under a 12 second quarter mile. Probably got the nitrous. What's it run?
1:03:25🔗
Adam
Yeah. See, that's a good father. 136 grand under the hood. What do you got into that engine?
1:03:58🔗
Adam
All right. That's healthy. I like guys who just pour every penny into their $4,000 Japanese car to shape another tenth of a second in a quarter mile. This is all. And believe me, he's got a hundred and... What do you say at 136 grand in it? That car's gone from $4,000 to $4,800 now. Bone stock. Bone stock.
1:04:29🔗
Adam
With the Fast and Furious engine in it, it's worth another 800 bucks. You get one penny for every $7,000 you spend on that engine back.
1:04:42🔗
Adam
Oh, I'm sure he's blown many. Here's the deal. If you got a girl, and you don't know this when you're 20, well, you got a girl who comes from chaos or maybe her dad was abusive, alcoholism, people beating on each other. Chaos. OK, you get hooked up with that chick. You might have a couple of smooth months. Don't worry. There will. There will be chaos and it'll be a storm that blows in a couple of times a year. She'll leave. It'll come to head. She'll split. She'll go off some other guy. She'll be back six months later. Everything will be smooth for a while. Then more chaos. It is a it is a never ending chaos circle of ass. Yes.
1:05:22🔗
Adam
All right. He's got to. And he's going to build them trust. Not impressed of my my trust knowledge.
1:05:40🔗
Adam
I'll bet you this. I bet he builds trusses for a living. I know more about trusses than he does. That's my commitment to you, Andrew, and the listeners. Let's hear something from Puddle of Mudd. That's what I think we should do. We're going to play a second song. How are you doing there, Chris?
1:05:59🔗
Adam
You're looking good. You want to go to a place? You went to a prom. Oh, did you? See, if I had hair like yours, I'd do the flow-bee.
1:06:17🔗
Adam
Do you want to come back? We can't play it right now before we go to break? We're pretty late already. All right. We're going to take a... I'll let the baby have his bottle over there. Anderson got a rain on our parade. He had to interrupt my very important flow-bee jag I was having with engineer Chris. We're going to take a... His favorite drop. We're going to take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll hear a little something off the new Puddle of Mudd CD all after this. Yeah, that's deep too, buddy. Yeah. He'll be back tomorrow night, then.
1:07:23🔗
Adam
Really? Nice. Okay, quiet down now. Pink is gonna be in here tomorrow night. No, Wednesday night, then Thursday, Kathy Griffin, and lots of good people, Rob Schneider, Blink 182, and Ron Livingston from, let's see, you know him from- Office Space. Office Space. What else? Anderson Swinger.
1:07:59🔗
Adam
When you see him, yeah. And then, oh, all sorts of big names rolling through here in the next few weeks. Hey, Adam. Yeah.
1:08:38🔗
Adam
Drew, what is it? Are you in a shaky, Drew? What's going on? They got a piano in the studio?
1:08:48🔗
Drew
Yes. There's a guy that does AM morning shows here locally in Syracuse and he plays the piano while he's doing his morning show. Is that funny?
1:08:59🔗
Adam
You know, I thought it was one of the coolest jobs ever when I was growing up. Remember when you'd go to the mall and there was a guy who played the organ out front of the mall? He just sat there in front of the organ store playing high yellow ribbon on the organ and I'd just walk by that guy and go, wow, this guy's set for life, right? I mean, he's got it made. He's the king of the mall. First off, everyone bows to him. The guys at Hot Dog on a Stick, the Orange Julius guys, they all kiss his ass and he's just out there and it's sort of for everyone to hear. It's not just the people that are in front of the piano store. I mean, it echoes. The entire mall echoes with the sounds that come from that guy's 88s. That, Drew, I can hear you getting into that.
1:09:55🔗
Adam
Can you do chopsticks? What can you do, Drew? Yeah. Do something. We can do a little Scott Joplin for us or something. Really? Drew, what the hell?
1:10:17🔗
Adam
Drew, for 10 years, never seen him touch a piano. Drew, what else do you do, buddy? You speak French? Don't tell me you speak French.
1:10:39🔗
Drew
Yeah, thanks, buddy. That's what you always told me. I think the words you used, I think instead of talent, I think the words you used were boring, wooden. What were the other words?
1:10:53🔗
Adam
Okay, Drew, we're going to hear something from Puddle of Mudd. And then later when we come back, you're going to do the theme from the movie, The Sting.
1:11:06🔗
Adam
This is a new song off the new CD, which is coming out in, well, one week from tomorrow, the 25th, it's called Life On Display. And the song is called Heel Overhead. Good song. Life on Display is the name of the CD. It is out starting one week from tomorrow, and you may just get that Platinum Ticket, which allows you to go out on tour with the band. And you only know if you buy the CD and open it up.
1:15:51🔗
Adam
It sounds like a pigeon landed on it. It's a pianist. That is a good song. You know what's nice is Wes is here from Puddle of Mudd. And he was enjoying the song because he's not heard it on the radio before. It's probably the first time you've heard it on the radio. And it's nice because a lot of times bands come in here and we end up playing their song that it's two years old. They've heard it a thousand times. And quite frankly, they're tired of it. So it's nice to see the enthusiasm.
1:16:25🔗
Adam
Well, it was a good song. And so far everything on the CD is great. So it's coming out again one week from tomorrow. All right, let's go back. Drew, guess what I did while the song was playing? Besides bang my head.
1:17:05🔗
No, I waited until I was married to have sex. And now I don't know what an orgasm feels like or what I'm supposed to do or anything. I'm completely in the dark.
1:17:20🔗
19.
1:17:30🔗
No, no, me. He's fine, he's fine. I just don't know how I'm supposed to have an orgasm or anything like that. I've never been.
1:17:42🔗
Adam
Yeah, well, you need to just basically wait about 15 minutes and then fake it. That's what my lady's doing.
1:17:50🔗
Drew
You're gonna have to probably start masturbating and trying to figure it out for yourself and then telling him what it is you want and what you need. It's not gonna happen during intercourse. You can forget about that.
1:18:00🔗
For now.
1:18:03🔗
Have you tried it?
1:18:07🔗
Adam
Not so good at the oral sex? He's gonna have to improve his oral sex technique and you're gonna have to help it if you want an orgasm.
1:18:29🔗
Yeah, he's 19, 20.
1:18:31🔗
Adam
They push a little too hard. They try too hard. The thing about oral sex is a smooth, consistent pace. Here's what you gotta be like with oral sex. You gotta be like, if you take a guy and you take him a mile off the coast and you drop him out in the middle of the ocean, if he starts flailing and flapping and kicking and making a fuss, he's never gonna make it to shore. He's gonna drown. Best way, smooth, even stroke. Barely make a ripple as you're going through the water. Nice and smooth, consistent, rhythmic. That's good. Guys, they shove their face down there and they go sick. They have a spaz.
1:19:14🔗
Adam
They're like, oh, yeah, they go nuts. And then the chick starts responding like she's not too comfortable. So they go double time. And now you're in trouble. Nice and smooth. Yes?
1:19:23🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Because the lady's gonna kinda, they kinda gotta flow into the whole system.
1:19:31🔗
Adam
Let's see. Man would like his penis treated like a, like a nine year old treats a Labrador. You know what I mean? Just dive on and work it, man. Just come here by grabbing the ears, rustling it down, pulling the paws out, flopping it down, shoving the face in the belly. Rustle that penis down. Now you try, but a woman, woman, she needs to be treated like a cat. You can't just go bounding across the living room and pounce on the cat, goes right under the sofa on top of the refrigerator. Cat, you put that hand out, cat'll come by sniff around, cat'll rub on it a little bit, put a little pressure on it. Cat will create its own pressure, just like the vagina will. Put a little pressure on the vagina. If it feels good, it'll push back a little bit. If you feel it pushing back, that's a good sign. If you feel it pulling away, that's a bad sign, but smooth, even strokes. If you want that cat to stay on your lap, you don't start grabbing on it and twisting its ears and going at it from every direction. Smooth, consistent, even strokes.
1:20:32🔗
Adam
That's right. That's right. And the cat, the cat, when it starts finding something it really likes, it start pushing, start leaning, start rising a little bit.
1:20:49🔗
Adam
Yeah, you get to the TIVA. That's the final destination, fellas. All right. So she need and as a woman, as a cat, don't be scared to tell that nine year old that's treating you like the Labrador. They slow it down a little Sparky. Just nice and smooth. Nice and even. All right. We have a Germany or Florida here, Drew. Yeah.
1:21:11🔗
Oh, good. All right.
1:21:12🔗
Adam
This is Zach. Now be prepared to be underwhelmed because it's a 14 year old Zach. Zach.
1:21:25🔗
A six year old boy has been torn to death by two fighting dogs in school. Two other children are reported to have been hurt by the rampaging dogs. A pit bull and a stafford terrier. The boy who was in Turkish origin died of his injuries soon after the dogs attacked them. The school yard playground, where there's children who are taking part in the game's lesson. He rushed to the scene, shot the dogs and killed them.
1:21:55🔗
Adam
No, they give the dogs the key to the city in Florida. If you kill someone under 10, you're considered royalty in Florida as a dog. Number, yes. And also they like their dogs over there in Germany. And the Turkish descent, that could be a German thing. We could also just be a push, because the Lord knows, Florida's just a mixed bag of crayons. You never know what you're gonna get over there ethnically. We say in Germany here?
1:22:30🔗
Adam
Are we right? Yeah. Thank you. All right. We're really 17 out of 18 in the Germany or Florida. Yes, Drew?
1:22:41🔗
Adam
Let's hop to the phones. And to be fair to us, they usually slip up and work in Deutschmark or Goostep or something. And it keys us. Jared, you're 14?
1:22:58🔗
Adam
Oh, really? Did I want to talk to you? Why do guys take longer? Wait, why does it take longer for girls to orgasm than guys? Yeah.
1:23:20🔗
Adam
Jared, you gotta, yeah. Not every one of them. Once in a while, one buys it on a motorcycle or something, but by and large, they live like seven, eight years longer than guys.
1:23:33🔗
Adam
Yeah. You got that to look forward to, Jared. Well, here's the trade-off. You get to have four or five orgasms for every one the chick has. On the other hand, you're in the ground 10 years earlier. You know what I mean? It's a fair trade. I take my life. I take my multi-orgasmic, my life where I leave a trail of semen right to the grave.
1:23:53🔗
Drew
A little bit of your chi leaks out with every orgasm and that shortens your life, see?
1:23:59🔗
Adam
Just a couple cc's of your soul is spilled into the hamper each day. That may be true, Drew.
1:24:08🔗
Adam
I'm backing off. I'm now backed off. I'm now three times a day. All right, good times. Drew, you hop on that piano and make like a...
1:24:19🔗
Drew
I haven't touched a piano in like five years. I ain't even played it on national radio.
1:24:22🔗
Adam
Well, why don't you work up a little something for us when we come back, we'll hear it, all right? All right, please, please entertain us.
1:24:30🔗
Adam
Do a little Puddle of Mudd when we come back, all right? All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.
1:24:48🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody. Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Wes from Puddle of Mudd, and then Dr. Drew's out in Syracuse tonight. Drew? Yeah. You work up a number for us on the PNI?
1:25:04🔗
Adam
That's cool. Let's talk to Holly, who comes from chaos and disagrees with my synopsis about chaotic women who come from chaos. Yes. What's up, Holly?
1:25:19🔗
I have a bone to break with you, Adam.
1:25:22🔗
Okay. Well, I think it was like two calls ago. You said that if a girl comes from chaos, I think you should run from them. Is that what you said? Something like that?
1:25:39🔗
Okay. But maybe for a little bit older age bracket, because I'm 25 and I come from a lot of chaos and I work very hard to maintain a healthy adulthood. And if I were to ever have kids that I wouldn't pass it on and to any other little girl right there that's maybe listening, that is going through chaos, you can get out of it. Like even mentally, it just takes a lot more work than anything.
1:26:04🔗
Adam
Well look, here's the whole thing about the chaos survivors, which is really just sort of trauma survivors.
1:26:13🔗
Adam
It's like the person who gains weight easily and has a slow metabolism. If you got somebody who says, hey, screw it, I'm just gonna eat carnie's dogs all day long, then you're gonna be married to a morbidly obese person and dies of diabetes when they're 39. But if you got somebody who realizes there's a problem here, exercises, eats right, works hard at it, then you have a better person maybe than you would have had. So, Holly, yeah, you can be, if you have someone that comes from chaos and they go, okay, I'm gonna get some therapy, I'm gonna get some counseling, I'm gonna really work on my problems, I'm gonna be very conscious not to do this kind of stuff in front of my kids and to my partner and all that, then you probably have a person that may even be better than somebody who never had any chaos and didn't work on anything. Although, if there was real, you know, it depends how bad. Serious abuse, it is tough.
1:27:21🔗
Caller
I do, but that just kind of slipped a little bit. I don't listen to it regularly, but.
1:27:33🔗
Caller
And you know what? I'm probably one of the very few girls that thinks that you're actually hotter than Dr. Drew.
1:27:43🔗
Drew
That's good, I like that. Adam, tell her about the girl that told her friends that she was crazy for picking you. Remember that?
1:27:53🔗
Adam
Yeah, this all started when I was 14 and Esther Chilidenko called up and said, you know, it's between you and your friend, Chris, to see who's gonna get to be my boyfriend. And Adam, I picked you. All my friends think I'm crazy, but I picked you. And I thought, wow, that's nice. But we don't realize, you know, I went into the masonry supply store today and the guy behind the counter's like, hey man, I was listening to you, making fun of them short valet Parkers the other night. And I was laughing my ass off. And I don't normally laugh that much. I mean, I listened to the show and I don't normally laugh that off when I'm listening to the show. But the other night with them valet Parkers, man, that was some hysterical stuff, man. Because I've heard the show and, you know, it's not that funny. Yeah, but the other night, man, it's like you realize like I eventually, I said to the guy, hey, enough with the compliments. You're killing my self esteem.
1:29:07🔗
Adam
Yeah. That's more, more abuse coming from the beautiful Wes over here. It's easy for you blonde Adonises to sit there and talk about inner beauty when you have no problems on the outside. But where do you get that nappy hair and those big teeth? No, Wes, you're into me, right? Yeah, there's nothing wrong with me. All right, Drew.
1:29:47🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Simon, we work shifts and we like to listen to you because we think you're the sunniest.
1:30:00🔗
Drew
I've tried to bring Loveline over to the UK. I was over there last summer. I was trying to get something going over there.
1:30:11🔗
Adam, your politics would work here.
1:30:55🔗
Adam
It's 10 to eight in the morning, yes? All right, so you can work at your job in the United Kingdom. And hold on, kiddies, that's England. You understand? A lot of our-
1:31:12🔗
Puddle of Mudd
You know, England, that tiny little catfart of an island just off the coast of Europe.
1:31:23🔗
Adam
By the way, Drew, it would still be 11 o'clock over there if that what you say is true.
1:31:39🔗
Puddle of Mudd
Is there a reference hobo power? Okay, scale is one to 50. Yeah, no, it's 100.
1:31:48🔗
Drew
100 is like absolute zero. It's a theoretic. It doesn't really exist in nature, but it could. The universe would come to an end if we actually reach 100 hobo power.
1:31:58🔗
Adam
Yeah, now let me explain hobo power very quickly. It is a unit to measure stink. We don't have one. We have kilowatts and BTUs, British thermal units. We can measure almost anything except for stink. So I've come up with hobo power, and here's how it is. So you know, so when you go like, I was on an elevator with this cat that was at like nine hobo power, everyone can go, wow, that's pretty serious. Instead of this guy reeked. You see what I'm saying? So Drew, what is vomiting? Is 50?
1:32:33🔗
Adam
You get to 50 hobo power, you vomit. And 100 again is just theoretical, doesn't necessarily exist. No one has ever seen a hundred or at least lived to tell about it. All right, we got to take a break. Nyab, God bless you for calling from all the way over there in the UK. Yeah, give us a call anytime and we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.
1:34:01🔗
Adam
One week from tomorrow. Go out and get that platinum ticket and go on tour with the band. God bless you, Pink in here Wednesday. Kathy Griffin Thursday. And until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.
1:34:24🔗
Caller
The opinions expressed in the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.