Thursday, October 16, 2003

1:06🔗 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, coming to us tonight from Florida. Right, Drew?

1:14🔗 Drew That's right, Adam.

1:16🔗 Adam All right, Drew, what are you doing over there? Someone dropped a nickel, you had to hop on a plane. What are you doing over there, buddy? What's up? Pushing the book?

1:24🔗 What's happening?

1:25🔗 Adam Talking to college kids?

1:26🔗 What's going on over there?

1:27🔗 Drew I'm refusing to speak to him. Talking to college kids. University of Central Florida was great.

1:31🔗 Adam Fantastic. All right, buddy, when are you coming home?

1:34🔗 Drew Tomorrow.

1:35🔗 Adam All right, buddy. Well, I'll see you on Sunday.

1:39🔗 Drew That's right, Adam.

1:40🔗 Adam All right, but we'll talk tonight.

1:42🔗 Drew On the way home, yes.

1:44🔗 Adam Eric Balfour.

1:44🔗 Drew What do we got to talk about? What do we got to talk about? Something happening? No.

1:51🔗 Adam You know, speaking of that, I hate it when people do this, like where they go, hey, listen, Frank, don't leave without seeing me in my office. And it's like 10, 15 in the morning. It's like, what are you going to cut out about 7 o'clock? Yeah, don't leave without swinging by the office. I hate that. I hate that we'll talk when we get back. I hate...

2:10🔗 Eric Balfour It's the... You know, I got to talk to you later, though.

2:13🔗 Adam Yeah.

2:13🔗 Drew Isn't that what you just pulled on me?

2:15🔗 Eric Balfour I'll talk to you about it later. I'll talk to you about it later.

2:17🔗 Adam This is what women do...

2:17🔗 Drew That's what you just pulled.

2:18🔗 Adam Oh, shut up, Drew. This is what women do at parties. Where you go, honey, what's the matter?

2:23🔗 Eric Balfour I'll tell you later.

2:23🔗 Adam Yeah. And you go... I'll tell you later. You go, no, no, seriously. I mean, what's going on? What did I say? I didn't do anything, did I? And they go, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you now.

2:31🔗 Eric Balfour They'll only cop to it 24 hours later. That's what I've pretty much learned is the rule.

2:34🔗 Adam And you go, honey, I can't enjoy the party. Just now? Just finish the rest of the party and we'll talk on the ride home.

2:40🔗 Eric Balfour But I'll give you an attitude the whole evening, otherwise.

2:42🔗 Adam That's Eric Balfour, by the way, who's in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This is a remake of the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre, right?

2:51🔗 Eric Balfour That it is. Welcome to the revolution.

2:53🔗 Adam And there was a one, there was a, although they didn't call the one one.

2:57🔗 Eric Balfour Okay, don't, so you're going to start already.

2:59🔗 Adam Well, no, I'm trying to get my lineage right. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That would have been 78, 79?

3:06🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, it was 70, yeah, something.

3:08🔗 Adam Maybe earlier, maybe 74, I think. That early?

3:11🔗 Eric Balfour I think so, yeah.

3:11🔗 Adam Well, maybe it was one of these, one of these horror movies that had like a crazy shelf life or something because it was around for a while. And it was when I was like in junior high and high school and stuff. It was sort of a rite of passage that at a certain point you had to see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

3:28🔗 Drew Texas Chainsaw Massacre sort of became a euphemism for any violent crime. Remember that?

3:33🔗 Eric Balfour Yes.

3:33🔗 Adam Yes.

3:34🔗 Drew In the 70s, it was like, oh, it was a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Oh, it was. What was that?

3:37🔗 Adam Yeah, a kid got shot with a pellet gun. I don't know who that is. I think it's David Allen career. All right, but here's the point. First one, original, mid to later 70s, let's just say.

3:50🔗 Eric Balfour That's fair enough.

3:50🔗 Adam We'll get the exact date on that. That was around for a while. Then they didn't do a number two for a long time.

3:56🔗 Eric Balfour Okay, the number two and whatever happened with Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey, those don't count.

4:02🔗 Adam They don't count.

4:03🔗 Eric Balfour They don't count.

4:04🔗 Adam But they still took place in like ten years later or something or nine years later or something.

4:10🔗 Eric Balfour Ours is a remake of the original set in the early 70s.

4:14🔗 Adam Yes, 1974 was written right on my piece of paper. See kids?

4:18🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, that's fancy.

4:19🔗 Adam I don't read. I don't cheat. And speaking of not reading, let me just say this that 28 Days Later is doing a promotion. That's another horror movie. All callers who get on the air tonight will get a DVD of the horror film 28 Days Later available on October 21st, now with three alternative endings. Plus, you'll qualify to win a room at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Las Vegas from the time you arrive until 28 Days Later.

4:47🔗 Eric Balfour See, they're scared of us.

4:48🔗 Drew No, no, no.

4:49🔗 Adam 18 and over only.

4:50🔗 Drew That is just living proof that Adam cannot read.

4:52🔗 Adam I don't read.

4:53🔗 Drew You say I can't act. You cannot read.

4:54🔗 Eric Balfour You're doing a 28 Days Later promotion during the Texas Chainsaw. I'm here to promote Texas Chainsaw.

5:00🔗 Adam I know, I know, but I got this thing. I got to do it at the top of the thing.

5:04🔗 Drew I know.

5:05🔗 Adam Hey, Jackass Drew, I was I was being a bad reader. Yeah, you're right.

5:09🔗 Drew Sure.

5:14🔗 Adam Listen, you ding bad, if you had a sense of comedic timing, I announced that I don't read on the air just before I read badly. How dare you?

5:20🔗 Eric Balfour It's like third time's always funny.

5:22🔗 Adam That's right. Except for there will be no third time for me and Drew because this is it, my friend. Don't bother coming back from Florida. You just stay there with all your deadbeat dads and your devil's triangles. All right, Eric, so anyway, then they did a number two and then somewhere along the line, maybe they did a number three. I don't know. Well, here's the point. I'm leading to something good, which is instead of doing a crappy number four, you went back and did the original masterpiece done right because the original probably had a budget of like 45 grand or something.

5:55🔗 Eric Balfour I think even less.

5:56🔗 Adam Really?

5:57🔗 Eric Balfour I think even less. Bobby Hooper used a broken camera that he called, I think he called it the mule or the pig or something and it was the same camera that he used forever. And Daniel Pearl, who was the original DP on the first film, came back and did ours.

6:10🔗 Adam And the thing is, the first one, all it was really, they had an old shack, a guy with a leather pillowcase on his head in a van. That was about it.

6:20🔗 Eric Balfour And that's kind of where Michael Bay came in on this one. Michael Bay produced this one with his two partners, Brad Fuller and Andrew Forum, who were amazing, by the way, and I want to say that to all of the world. Brad Fuller and Andrew Forum rock. But the biggest difference between ours and that one is that there's real characters in this one. You kind of get to know them and you get to care about them before they start getting chopped up.

6:41🔗 Adam Well, when you do a remake, how true or how close to the script, I mean, do you take the original script and just start scribbling things out, writing stuff in, or how different is it or do you know?

6:53🔗 Eric Balfour I think the term that we've come up for that actually works is more of an update of the original. You know, because there's a lot of things that we wanted to keep true to that we really liked about the original, but we wanted to make it our own. We didn't want to do that shot for shot, you know, crappy psycho remake.

7:07🔗 Adam Who's Leatherface?

7:09🔗 Eric Balfour Leatherface is played. He's played by this psychotic gentleman named Andrew Bernarski. You know him from all the football movies. He's always the crazy, big jawed white guy.

7:17🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

7:18🔗 Eric Balfour He's nuts.

7:19🔗 Adam Yeah, the guy with the roid rage. He's destroying the locker room.

7:22🔗 Eric Balfour That's the one. He's the one.

7:24🔗 Adam I know. Something about that. There's something great about the two good things about, well, there's three good things about chainsaws in terms of weapons. A, they got the word chain and saw right in the title.

7:34🔗 Eric Balfour There's no confusion.

7:35🔗 Adam Right. This is to me like tiger shark. Hey, man. It's got tiger and shark and bull shark. Stay away from the animal. It has the name bull and shark in it, but it's got the word chainsaw right in the title. It smokes because they run off that two stroke and they make a crazy sound. So there's just that smoke blowing around.

7:53🔗 Eric Balfour And it has that rattlesnake effect. You know, where they warn you, there's that first initial vv.

8:16🔗 Adam Is the true event the first one?

8:18🔗 Eric Balfour It was based on some rumors that I think someone heard. No, it was based on a guy named Ed Gain, who was real, who was actually from Wisconsin, though.

8:24🔗 Adam Right.

8:25🔗 Eric Balfour And he committed a lot of murders and did actually make...

8:27🔗 Adam Making a lot of lampshades and things.

8:29🔗 Eric Balfour Lampshades and, you know, armchairs made out of actual arms. Don't get any ideas, kids.

8:34🔗 Adam But we can't judge. These are cultural things.

8:36🔗 Eric Balfour Well, it was, you know, some people... You know, I don't want to use the word art, but kind of.

8:41🔗 Adam Yeah, hey, if Maple Thorpe can take a whiz on Jesus, why can't this guy make himself a literal armchair?

8:48🔗 Eric Balfour I love his shoes.

8:49🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. Where are we, Drew?

8:51🔗 Drew This is Annie, 22.

8:53🔗 Adam Annie.

8:54🔗 I just wanted to ask about female ejaculation.

8:57🔗 Eric Balfour Fascinating.

8:57🔗 And, like, are there any side effects or, like, changes to the urethra or anything?

9:04🔗 Eric Balfour Only if you get into some design.

9:06🔗 Drew Have you heard of something?

9:07🔗 No, no.

9:08🔗 I've just been looking online and haven't really come to a definitive...

9:12🔗 Drew Can you do it?

9:14🔗 No, I haven't done it.

9:15🔗 Drew Are you trying to decide if it's ejaculation or incontinence, is that what you're trying to figure out?

9:20🔗 Yeah, exactly.

9:21🔗 Drew Yeah, there is debate about it. And it's pretty clearly both, frankly. Some women have incontinence and some women have ejaculate. And it's an easy thing to test for. If you're someone who does it, you know, take some asparagus or vitamins and you know it's urine of its urine.

9:35🔗 Adam Yeah, just have a little bee.

9:38🔗 Drew And exactly which glands are discharging is a little unclear, whether it's bartholins or skeins, but some combination of these glands in some women.

9:45🔗 Eric Balfour Is your boyfriend in the room with you while you're getting all this lovely information?

9:48🔗 Adam No.

9:49🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, good.

9:50🔗 Adam I'm going to, you know what I'm going to do, Drew? I'm going to market a test kit because we get this question every other night. People don't know what's coming out of them. I'd like to make some sort of alkaline swatch or something where you could just rub it on the...

10:04🔗 Eric Balfour Like the $100 bill marker in the market?

10:06🔗 Adam Yes. Yeah, the Korean guy holding it up to the light, shaking his head, keeping an eye on you and the Slim Jims simultaneously.

10:13🔗 Eric Balfour Annie, what color is it? Just out of curiosity.

10:16🔗 It's clear. I haven't ever done it, but I was just reading about it.

10:20🔗 Eric Balfour This is pure fascination for you. There's no...

10:25🔗 Drew Go ahead, sir. We interviewed a bunch of women one night that had this, that did this, and it was funny. Some of them said it was only during extremely intense orgasms. Some said it was, no, just kind of all the time. Some said, no, it just happened sort of randomly, but different for different women.

10:41🔗 Adam If she was going to have it, she probably would have had it by now, and now she hung up. All right, Drew, who we got next?

10:47🔗 Drew Ashley.

10:48🔗 Adam Drew, how come I don't do the board from out here? I should just do it from out here.

10:52🔗 Drew You want to do it?

10:53🔗 Adam Yeah.

10:54🔗 Drew Next break.

10:55🔗 Adam All right, buddy boy. How old's Ashley?

10:57🔗 Drew Ashley's 19.

10:58🔗 Eric Balfour Hey, Ashley, how you doing?

11:00🔗 Good, how are you?

11:01🔗 Eric Balfour I'm fine, thank you.

11:03🔗 Oh, good. This is great, I'm so glad I'm on. Am I supposed to talk?

11:06🔗 Adam Yes.

11:10🔗 Actually, I have a lot of problems, but I'll start with the biggest one. I am a small person, and I have big boobs, and I hate them.

11:19🔗 Eric Balfour Life's rough.

11:20🔗 Adam Yeah, you hate them?

11:21🔗 I hate them. If I could make them go away, I would, and I've tried.

11:27🔗 Eric Balfour You can get a breast reduction.

11:28🔗 I tried to duct tape them once, and that tore my skin, and I had these really weird, unexplainable bruises.

11:34🔗 Eric Balfour Just find a good plastic surgeon and get a reduction.

11:38🔗 Adam Wait a second. What do you mean you tried to duct tape them? You tried to strap them down? What size are you? What size are the breasts?

11:46🔗 Eric Balfour Haven't you ever heard of an Ace Bandage?

11:48🔗 I'm like 5'4, and I have like 34 double D breasts.

11:52🔗 Adam And you don't weigh too much?

11:54🔗 No.

11:55🔗 Adam That is a great combination.

11:57🔗 No, it's not. It's like I just don't like, I don't know. I just want to be like a normal girl.

12:05🔗 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

12:06🔗 Drew Do you have an eating disorder?

12:10🔗 I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

12:11🔗 Drew Do you have an eating disorder?

12:12🔗 Yeah. No, I'm bulimic.

12:13🔗 Adam You must say that on the screen.

12:17🔗 Eric Balfour I mean, it's like he's psychic.

12:19🔗 Adam It says on the screen. I'm not a big fan of eating disorders. I'm not a big fan of eating disorders.

12:41🔗 I'm not a big fan of eating disorders. I'm not a big fan of eating disorders.

12:47🔗 Adam I'm not a big fan of eating disorders. I'm not a big fan of eating disorders. I'm not a big fan of eating disorders. I'm not a big fan of eating disorders. Vomiting disorder.

12:53🔗 I'm bulimic.

12:55🔗 Adam What's that mean? Are you vomiting when you're bulimic? Do you have to vomit when you're bulimic?

13:00🔗 Well, I'm not really under... Like I don't really vomit to lose weight. I don't know. It's kind of a... It just makes me feel better. It goes in spells. Like, like all summer, I didn't have any problems. Like last year, I vomited a lot because I was just really stressed out.

13:14🔗 Drew And I don't know what to do. You do actually have kind of a body image disorder though, right?

13:19🔗 Yeah. And then during the summer, I was fine. And then it started back up again. And it's just really I don't like it's not something I I want to encourage because I know it's bad for you.

13:29🔗 Eric Balfour Like have you seeked any counseling for it?

13:31🔗 No, I just don't like it's not something that it's like opening up a really big box.

13:36🔗 Eric Balfour It is. It is a big box, but it's a really important one that you should really handle because it's not something you want to carry around with your whole life.

13:42🔗 Drew Believe me, it's something people die from.

13:44🔗 I know.

13:45🔗 Adam All right. So why don't you do that? And then call us back when you get that under control and we'll focus on the bubs.

13:53🔗 Eric Balfour Really, really, you really should. You should, you know, we've I've seen people, you know, come very close to death and it's not a joke. You should really handle it. It's not like it's not it's it's so easy for you to say that just, oh, tell your parents or tell, you know, No, if you know, if you find whoever you can, you sound like a very sweet girl, you know, you should have a long, wonderful life ahead of you. Don't don't go down like this.

14:15🔗 Adam And you don't have necessarily tell your parents.

14:18🔗 Eric Balfour You're 19. There's lots of people you can talk to.

14:20🔗 Adam There's all sorts of groups and organizations and things like that. You don't need your parents.

14:25🔗 Hi, I'm Katie and I'm bulimic and I hate my boobs.

14:28🔗 Eric Balfour Keep coming back. It works if you work it.

14:30🔗 Adam My name's Adam. I'm not bulimic and I love Katie's boobs.

14:33🔗 Eric Balfour What city are you in?

14:34🔗 Okay, no, you didn't answer my question. There's not any way other than surgery to get rid of them?

14:39🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, you can. Well, no, if she, well, if she, Don't get no courage or if she loses her weight. Yeah. No, if you work out, though, if you, if you do some weight training on your upper body, but you can't work out if you're not eating healthy, but if you do some weight training on your upper body, you will lose some fatty tissue.

14:56🔗 Adam Yeah, how about some flies, baby doll? All right, well, good times. I love those big cans. I can't help it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

15:06🔗 Drew 25.

15:07🔗 Adam Who?

15:08🔗 Drew Kelly. Yes.

15:15🔗 Adam Hey, can you hear me? Yep.

15:17🔗 Oh, yeah. Hey, guys.

15:19🔗 Eric Balfour We are receiving you.

15:20🔗 Adam What's up?

15:22🔗 Well, I got a question for you guys.

15:24🔗 I'm a good buddy of mine.

15:26🔗 We've been having sex for about a year and a half or so. And it's...

15:31🔗 Drew You're gay.

15:32🔗 Adam Drew, please. Let him finish.

15:35🔗 Okay, so yeah, I've been having sex with his buddy, and like, I gotta keep it completely a secret from the rest of our friends and stuff. Nobody knows what's going on. You're gay. Drew, we heard you.

15:51🔗 Eric Balfour He's very gay.

15:52🔗 Adam He may be gay as well.

15:53🔗 Eric Balfour If he's having sex with you, he's gay. I think that's a pretty good educated guess. He's gay.

15:59🔗 That would seem common sense, but he seems really sincere and can explain why he's doing it. He really likes girls.

16:07🔗 Eric Balfour He doesn't really like girls. He's in denial. It's very, very simple. He's in denial and he's gay and he likes your manhood.

16:13🔗 Adam Maybe he's bi or something.

16:15🔗 Eric Balfour I don't believe that very many men are bi. I don't either. I think if you like man-schlong, then you're gay.

16:22🔗 Drew But there are guys...

16:24🔗 His sexuality seems to be just a load of crap in my book. Everyone I've met, it's kind of like their transition phase. They don't want to come out and say that they don't like girls.

16:32🔗 Drew That's often the case. With men though, when they've been sexually abused, they get long periods of confusion about their sexual orientation. So it really isn't that he's got a mature bisexual orientation. He's just confused.

16:44🔗 So it's not really possible then for a heterosexual guy just to, for lack of other options, to hook up with a guy rather than...

16:51🔗 Adam No.

16:52🔗 Eric Balfour Absolutely not. 100% no.

16:53🔗 Adam Definitely not. Maybe in prison. Maybe if the plane goes down and you guys are in the desert for a little too long.

16:58🔗 Eric Balfour Only if you know you're going to be there more than like, let's say, 10 or 15 years. And then even I would be questionable.

17:03🔗 Adam I thought you were going to say days. Yeah, years. That's right, buddy. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. All right. Well, listen, Kelly.

17:11🔗 Yeah.

17:11🔗 Adam Okay. So what are you doing with this guy, by the way?

17:14🔗 Eric Balfour Is the sex that good that you can't just go find the guy who's secure in his sexuality?

17:18🔗 No, I have no problem meeting other guys. The problem is, is I have really strong feelings for this guy. I mean, he's one of my best friends and I don't know what to do.

17:25🔗 Eric Balfour I mean, You have to support him and just, you know, help him, you know, figure his way out through this. What?

17:33🔗 Adam All right, hold on.

17:34🔗 Quiet.

17:34🔗 Adam Kelly, shut up.

17:36🔗 Drew What are you guys doing?

17:37🔗 Adam Crow, shut up.

17:39🔗 What?

17:39🔗 Adam Just shut up. Why, you think it's bogus?

17:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

17:42🔗 Adam You're getting bogus? I kind of get bogus, too. Whenever I get, whenever I get, I just don't know what to do. I always think bogus.

17:50🔗 Drew Don't know what to do, and I've never talked to a gay man who called his partner my good buddy. Good buddy.

17:57🔗 Adam Yeah, except for Alan Hale.

17:59🔗 Eric Balfour Is it possible you are the heterosexual male who's not sure about his gayness?

18:02🔗 Drew That was little buddy, Adam.

18:04🔗 No, no, I have no problems accepting that I'm gay. All right. I guess, I mean, what I'm getting at, though, is I don't want to ruin our friendship. You know, and I don't know if I should quit having sex with him or if I should, like, just wait until he's, you know, secure with himself.

18:23🔗 Adam Yeah, it's too bogus. This doesn't make any sense. Kelly, bogus. You're not having this experience.

18:31🔗 I swear to God this is legit.

18:34🔗 Adam Well, let me ask you, what do you guys do sexually?

18:37🔗 We've done pretty much everything.

18:40🔗 Adam You blow each other? What's a normal night for you guys?

18:44🔗 Usually oral sex.

18:46🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. I don't know why the gays don't... We make fun of the anal sex so much, but they don't really do it.

18:54🔗 Eric Balfour I think it's just a matter of pain threshold.

18:57🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah. I could imagine.

19:02🔗 Eric Balfour As long as what Kelly's telling these stories, you keep your hands above the table. I'm fine.

19:06🔗 All right.

19:06🔗 Adam So, look.

19:08🔗 What about strikes you so high do you guys think this is bogus? I mean, is this so far out there?

19:13🔗 Adam No.

19:13🔗 Eric Balfour You got me hook, line and sinker if it makes you feel any better.

19:16🔗 Drew You're not doing anything to the friendship. The friendship is perfectly intact right now. This guy's happy just having sex with you. You're having feelings for him, but you want to keep him as a friend. You don't know that you want to be involved with him, so don't. There's sort of no question. That's why we think it's bogus. It's like you're setting yourself up with...

19:32🔗 Adam Well, you are.

19:34🔗 Drew Yeah, and you said you don't want to be involved with him because it's not coming out.

19:36🔗 Eric Balfour Putting his penis in your mouth is a pretty heavy involvement.

19:38🔗 Adam I call it a commitment. Kelly, and by the way, Kelly was 25. Kelly, your compass should not be spinning this fast at 25. I mean, you should have been through a few relationships, be a little more grounded, have a little better feel for the lay of the land, you know. And if you want to lay it down with this guy and say, look, I'm India, it's either boyfriend or girlfriend, or forget it, boyfriend or boyfriend, sorry, but one of you has got to play the chick. You can do it. But I always get the feeling that when people don't want to ask a question, it's because they're scared of the answer.

20:16🔗 Eric Balfour Two wrongs don't make a right, but three left-hand turns do.

20:19🔗 Adam That's right. Drew? Yeah? Get rid of Kelly, please.

20:24🔗 Drew Sure enough. This is David, 18.

20:28🔗 Adam What's that?

20:28🔗 Yeah? Hey, you guys don't mind if I ask you guys two questions, right?

20:33🔗 Adam Hurry.

20:34🔗 Now! Are you sure? The second one's pretty short.

20:38🔗 Adam Now!

20:40🔗 My question is, I had sex with this girl and she had general herpes and I wore protection and everything and I made sure she didn't have any outbreaks. She never had one with me. And my question is, if she gave me oral sex, is it possible that she could have gave it to me by having oral sex?

20:59🔗 Drew If she had it in her mouth.

21:01🔗 Eric Balfour If she had it in her mouth.

21:02🔗 She didn't.

21:04🔗 Adam Then she can't do it.

21:05🔗 Eric Balfour But if you're not sure, go get tested. Make sure you don't want to give to somebody else.

21:11🔗 Drew Well, if you haven't had an outbreak, there's nothing to test.

21:14🔗 Okay.

21:14🔗 Drew Have you had an outbreak?

21:15🔗 No.

21:16🔗 Drew Nothing. Now, having said that, people will say, oh, there's a blood test. The blood test I have found to be terribly inaccurate. If you have an outbreak, you can get a culture and that's it. If you don't have an outbreak, you have no symptoms, then there's nothing to test.

21:32🔗 Come on, man. It's something I've been wanting to ask because, you know, I do it a lot. No. Come on. No. Maybe. No. I've been taking it for a while because I have trouble falling asleep.

22:14🔗 Drew A therapeutic dose will not hurt you at all. Maybe create a little urinary retention.

22:18🔗 I mean, I take a Tylenol PM.

22:22🔗 Adam You take one every night?

22:23🔗 No, it's two.

22:25🔗 Drew That's fine. No problem.

22:26🔗 So I can be taking it every night?

22:29🔗 Drew Yes.

22:30🔗 Adam No. You don't want to booze with the Tylenol.

22:35🔗 Get rid of them.

22:37🔗 Adam Get rid of them. Drew, can you put people on hold?

22:40🔗 Drew Anderson, please help out with the hold here.

22:43🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. We never talked to Anderson about that. Drew, why are you taking the calls? I'm going to put them on hold. You're messed tonight, buddy.

22:54🔗 Drew I'm not.

22:55🔗 Adam What time is it over there in Florida? It's like three and a half hours difference, right?

22:59🔗 Drew You were in this studio. You left quite an impression, in fact.

23:02🔗 Adam I did?

23:05🔗 Drew Laws against smoking indoors here in Florida. You exposed a lot of people to secondhand smoke in the studio here.

23:10🔗 Adam I never smoked in a studio in my life.

23:12🔗 Eric Balfour What are you talking about?

23:16🔗 Adam I didn't smoke in any studio.

23:18🔗 Drew When you were with the Dodgers?

23:22🔗 Adam When I was with the Dodgers? Oh, you mean when I went out to Vero Beach? Oh, I had to do that. God forsaken. Oh, my God.

23:29🔗 Drew Came on over to 105.9 O'Rock, remember?

23:31🔗 Adam Oh, you know, we did a thing when we were doing the Man Show, like a year and a half ago, where me and Jimmy went out to train, like did like spring training with the Dodgers. And we like flew in like early, like Saturday morning, went and trained with the Dodgers all the all day, went back to the hotel. And then I had to do the radio from one to three. And the radio station was a good hour away from the hotel. And then we're all meeting down in the lobby at 530 to go to the swamp to shoot another bit with an airboat. I just I just remember wanting to kill myself getting back about 415, knowing that we had to meet everyone in the lobby in an hour to head down to the swamp to get on an airboat with a bunch of toothless guys who used ropes to hold their pants up. All right. Drew's out there in Florida where I used to be. Eric Balfour is our guest tonight. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the name of the new movie. That's coming out this Friday. And again, this is a remake of a classic. It is. A lot of kids. And let me say this, too. A lot of a lot of people, they go and they see these things and they are classics. But at, you know, $20,000 for a budget and not a very professional lighting crew, they don't stay on the test of time too well. But this is the classic feel, updated.

24:53🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, this is, you know, this is a great ride. It's terrifying.

24:57🔗 Adam This is like a classic muscle car from the 60s with air conditioning and a CD player.

25:02🔗 Eric Balfour This is like when Denzel Washington put, you know, electric windows in the, what was it, a Monte Carlo?

25:09🔗 Adam Yeah, that's right. That's right. Training day. Drew, you saw that. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break and we'll be right back after this.

25:18🔗 Hello, this is your radio.

25:27🔗 Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free, 1-866-344-KNOW.

25:58🔗 Adam Hey, everybody. That's Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew in Florida. Hey, everybody.

26:05🔗 Drew I clarified a couple of things. I clarified some stuff, Adam.

26:08🔗 Apparently, you didn't...

26:10🔗 Adam Drew, hold on a second, buddy. You see, whenever we come back from the commercial, I got to do the thing where I say the guest is and do that kind of stuff, yeah? No, Eric doesn't care, but I care, so I have my pride. Eric Balfour is here tonight, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, name of the new movie, and it is coming out this Friday.

26:30🔗 Eric Balfour I love that I'm now Eric Balfour from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, not just Eric Balfour from Six Feet Under. It's getting very exciting.

26:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

26:36🔗 Drew Very cool.

26:36🔗 Adam Well, yeah. When we did, you were on here talking about Six, we had you on from Six Feet Under.

26:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

26:41🔗 Adam How long ago was that?

26:42🔗 Eric Balfour It must have been a year ago.

26:44🔗 Adam Go ahead, Drew.

26:45🔗 Drew I'm just saying, I clarified things here. It turns out you're right. You didn't smoke in the studio. You smoked in the bathroom here, in the bathroom.

26:51🔗 Adam I was strung out, Drew. I'd been up 24 hours. I had to blow a butt.

26:56🔗 Drew A class act.

26:58🔗 Adam Oh, who cares? By the way, you're not going to convince me that something people used to do on airplanes and on talk shows 15 years ago is all of a sudden, the worst thing you can do in society. Do you know what I mean?

27:13🔗 Eric Balfour What was that little children's book, Eloise, where she would run around New York City drinking Johnny Walker Blacks and smoking cigarettes and bars at seven years old?

27:19🔗 Adam Really?

27:19🔗 Eric Balfour It was like a 50s children's book. This little seven-year-old kid would run around the city, go into bars, drinking Johnny Walker Blacks, smoking cigarettes.

27:26🔗 Adam Turning tricks.

27:27🔗 Eric Balfour Turning tricks.

27:28🔗 Adam Making a buck.

27:29🔗 Eric Balfour But she was like a Rockefeller, so it was okay.

27:31🔗 Drew That's it. All the Eloise books. All the Eloise books are out of my house.

27:34🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, look at it this way, Drew. Look at all the stuff that people aren't allowed to do now as opposed to what they were allowed to do, let's say, 40 or 50 years ago. Do you think people are better now for it? We got a bunch of better people running around out there, or does everyone just have more locks on their doors and more car alarms?

27:52🔗 Drew Point taken.

27:53🔗 Adam Maybe we should get people just a little bit of freedom.

27:56🔗 Eric Balfour Was Michael Moore right about Canada? Is that what you're trying to say?

27:59🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't know. What was his thing about Canada?

28:02🔗 Eric Balfour Basically, they're superior and kinder and sweeter and better than us.

28:05🔗 Adam And there's a lot of pussies in this country that seem to love and glorify every other country, except for the one they live in, yet they'll never move.

28:13🔗 Eric Balfour Canada's like a loft apartment over a really good party.

28:16🔗 Adam I don't understand why they won't just move if they love it so much. Debbie?

28:20🔗 Yeah.

28:21🔗 Adam You're 23?

28:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:23🔗 What's up?

28:25🔗 Caller I want to know if you guys think that I have a dysfunctional sexual relationship with my husband.

28:30🔗 Eric Balfour Absolutely.

28:33🔗 Adam Let's just go, yeah.

28:34🔗 Caller Well, this is the deal. We've been together and pretty much from the onset, gosh, how do I put this? He gets off like when we talk about me having sex with other men. And now it's gotten to the point where that's the only way he can get off.

28:53🔗 Drew Do you have to make up the stories? Do you make up the stories or do they have to be real?

28:56🔗 Caller Well, there's a fine line between that because when it first started, it was before we were married and we were engaged. And I had told them that I wanted to break up because I met this guy and blah, blah, blah. Well, long story short, we ended up still being together. I kicked out the other dude and we were together. But then he would ask me about it. Oh, was he this good? And oh, was he like this? And when he was like that?

29:23🔗 Adam How old is he?

29:25🔗 Caller He's two years older than I am. And so it kind of made me uncomfortable at first. But then, I don't know how it started. We were probably drunk one night or something and drinking. I don't know. Or maybe I was pissed and I was like, yeah, yeah. And I totally gave in and totally like told him the whole thing and stuff. And he just like skyrocketed. He thought that was so, you know what I mean? You can just tell it was just really intense. Well, that was cool for a while and everything. And then I don't feel comfortable with it now. So, you know, we kind of lay off that old thing.

30:00🔗 Eric Balfour The short answer is yes, you have a dysfunctional sexual relationship.

30:03🔗 Caller Right.

30:03🔗 Adam Yeah. And here's the thing, guys, and I don't know how old are you, Eric?

30:08🔗 Eric Balfour 26.

30:09🔗 Adam 26. You're just just getting out of that trouble zone. Guys have a lot of testosterone. They're they they have those. It's like that impulse where you show up at your girlfriend's house. You start flipping through her yearbook. You see some guy with a heart written around his head. You want to know if she went to the prom with him, what she did with him. You have all this energy. And there's a part of you that part of it is a sort of territorial aggressive energy. And the other part is a sort of twisted sexual energy, too. So literally, Eric's nodding feverishly, by the way. He knows exactly what I'm talking about. There's a part. Here's all I'm saying. The part about you being sort of angry at or disgusted with or ashamed of when you're in your early 20s of whoever you're with can easily spin into some kind of weird sexual energy as well. Well put. Thank you.

31:02🔗 Drew And the reason that happens is disavowed aspects of yourself, parts of yourself that you're ashamed of, you can connect with through having shaming experiences in your sexuality with your partner. And thankfully, the good news is that...

31:13🔗 Caller Are you talking like that's for him or is that for me?

31:15🔗 Adam Yeah, for him.

31:17🔗 Drew For him. And thankfully...

31:17🔗 Eric Balfour It means that there's things that he's done that he is not dealing with that he projects onto these other things.

31:22🔗 Drew Well, it may not even be things he's done. It's just things he feels about himself that he's able to sort of connect with. The things that he's not easily able to integrate into himself.

31:31🔗 Caller Because he's very passive aggressive as well in like the whole thing. Because like, you know, he doesn't want to go out, blah, blah, blah. So he'll be like, go out with my friends or go out and do whatever. And so, you know, hey, that comes with everything else. So it's like, okay, fine, whatever.

31:44🔗 Drew Thankfully, as men grow older, testosterone levels fall. All this is washed out of them. They just wait to die.

31:49🔗 Caller What happens if it doesn't?

31:51🔗 Adam Oh, it does.

31:52🔗 Eric Balfour Is your marriage, do you guys have a happy marriage otherwise?

31:55🔗 Caller Well, no, because now it's bleeding over. You know what I mean? Because now I'm like, really, I have a little patience for him. Everything gets on my nerves. Everything kind of boils down to that whole sexual thing.

32:06🔗 Eric Balfour Well, yeah, but basically what that comes down to is that he's doing something that is hurting you and upsetting you. And so every time something else happens, it reverts back to that original thing. So constantly everything gets added on top of that. So until you deal with all of those issues individually, every little thing he does that normally you may just be able to go, oh, no big deal. That's just some BS thing that he does.

32:24🔗 Caller But because he's so passive, he won't, we can't talk about it. We can't like, and then we decide.

32:29🔗 Adam Quiet, quiet, quiet. Do you have any kids?

32:32🔗 Caller Yeah. Do you want to know the truth? Because when I called the first time...

32:37🔗 Adam Hold on a second. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the truth.

32:39🔗 Eric Balfour Was that not the truth?

32:40🔗 Adam Well, listen, here's my thinking. It's Thursday, right? This is the last day we're on this week, right? We can just talk about Chainsaw Massacre. I can give another plug to 28 Days. I'll tell a couple of stories about smoking in a bathroom. We're dying to go home.

32:56🔗 Drew This is what scares me. She's the one that's probably going to win the 28 Day Contest. Yeah, she and her husband are like the hard-wrecked lot.

33:03🔗 Caller Guys, I'm really sorry. It's not a big thing. It's just when I called the first time, I tried to tell your producer, whoever it was, but he asked how old I was, and he said that I was too old. He wouldn't put me on the thing. The second time I called, I told him that I was 23. This is my problem. They're like, oh, sure. I'll put you through. But we're in our 30s, and we're still dealing with this. It's like I have two grown kids.

33:27🔗 Liar!

33:28🔗 Eric Balfour Liar whore! Liar whore!

33:30🔗 And you know it!

33:31🔗 Caller I know, I know, I know.

33:32🔗 Adam You're in your 30s?

33:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

33:34🔗 Eric Balfour What do you mean you have adult kids?

33:36🔗 Caller Well, no, we don't have adult kids. I have kids. I have a 15-year-old and a 9-year-old. And I'm just saying that we're to this point that I'm sick of this.

33:47🔗 Adam All right, wait a second. How old is your husband then? Not in Loveline years, but in real years.

33:52🔗 Caller He's 37.

33:53🔗 Adam Okay, he should be joining me in my waiting to die along with Dr. Drew and soon to be joined by Eric over here.

34:01🔗 Drew But Adam, I still have a few good years. Adam, you know how we kind of read our instincts on these things? I get some, at 37, that's weird. And that means he's doing some other stuff, maybe with other women or something. There's something weird going on with him sexually.

34:18🔗 Eric Balfour Well, that was what I was saying, is that he's got things that he's doing that he's projecting onto you. It's like when you ask a girlfriend if she's cheating on you. It's usually because you have.

34:30🔗 Drew Right. And what you're calling passivity is not passivity at all. It's aggression and it's closed. He's closed off. He doesn't talk to you. He's shut down. That's not passive.

34:39🔗 Adam You guys, you have kids. You need some counseling. And let me say this, all you morons out there. You haven't figured out life well in your 30s. Don't you guys want to get just a little bit better every day or don't you want to be the same retard you were when you were 19 in junior college?

34:54🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, I don't want you to feel bad, hon, but I had life figured out at like 12 or 13.

34:58🔗 Drew And her husband is going to join me down here in Florida.

35:02🔗 Right?

35:02🔗 Adam All right. This is everyone discuss me. Thank you.

35:09🔗 All right.

35:09🔗 Adam Where are we? And by the way, and let me say this. We and when I say we, I mean, Dr. Drew and myself have have never had any problem with anyone's age on this show. There are other people who run this show who think that young people need to be calling the show. And if someone over 25 calls this show, it's like Logan's run. We got to kill him. We never know what the hell who the hell is calling. We don't set any of these retarded precedents. We always just say we just want real callers that are interesting. And by the way, if anyone's listening who does that retarded stuff, I'm glad people talk about it on the air. So you guys look like idiots and liars trying to get people to lie. This happens all the time on this crappy show. We know nothing of it. I don't care how old you are. You want to call this show? You got a problem? I'm fine with it. I can't stand. And I'm not going to pretend like I'm some 14 year old who just got off the Inland Invasion Tour. I'm an adult for Christ's sake. I like to pee in the sink. I'm an adult. You understand?

36:10🔗 Eric Balfour I'm not an adult now.

36:11🔗 Adam That's right.

36:11🔗 Drew And crap in the shower.

36:13🔗 Adam Well, I did that once. Big deal, Drew.

36:16🔗 Eric Balfour Did it all go down the drain eventually?

36:18🔗 Adam I got it to go.

36:23🔗 Eric Balfour If you just keep the water really hot, it melts pretty quick.

36:26🔗 Drew No, he didn't do that.

36:28🔗 Adam It was like stomping grapes. But let me tell you the problem with the hot water. It creates steam. That can be a problem. Pits of corn flying around in there.

36:36🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, but if you're by yourself, everybody kind of likes their own brand.

36:38🔗 Adam Yeah, you do.

36:40🔗 Drew Now we get to smash it with your toes down a drain.

36:42🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah. I hate to admit it, but Drew's right. Drew's right. All right, quick call here. Andrew?

36:47🔗 Yes.

36:48🔗 Adam You're 19?

36:49🔗 Caller Yeah. I had a question. I wanted to upgrade my car. I wanted to just give it a little more oomph, so to speak. Like the torque is just not cutting it for me. I want it to be a little faster. What's the most efficient way I could do that?

37:02🔗 Adam What do you got? You got a four-cylinder?

37:04🔗 Caller I have a six.

37:06🔗 Adam Oh, a six? V6?

37:08🔗 Caller Yes.

37:09🔗 Adam You should get a little more torque out of the V configuration. Uh-huh. Yeah. You don't want to spend a bunch of money. No, not really. Get a chip. Cost a few hundred bucks.

37:21🔗 Caller Yeah. And how would I have that at all? Just like a mechanic.

37:25🔗 Adam Yeah. They just put it in. I don't know. What year is your car?

37:28🔗 Caller It's new.

37:29🔗 Adam Oh, they just download it now. It's not even a chip. This is a computer program.

37:34🔗 Eric Balfour Is that just the one that takes off the limiter on the...

37:37🔗 Adam It changes like the advance and stuff and screws around with the cam timing and the air intake and the fuel mixture. And you can do that in your bigger throttle body. You can start changing the exhaust. But all this stuff starts costing more and more.

37:51🔗 Caller So it's only about $200, you said?

37:53🔗 Adam Yeah, it's probably a couple hundred bucks.

37:55🔗 Eric Balfour What the hell is this show called? I thought it was Lovelines.

37:57🔗 Adam Yeah, we love cars.

37:58🔗 Eric Balfour Fair enough.

37:59🔗 Adam Boring bit. Get the chip and if you want to keep going, get like a bigger throttle body or something like that.

38:05🔗 All right, great. Thanks.

38:06🔗 Adam All right, good times. I don't know. I'm tired of talking to screwed up teenagers or screwed up 20-something year olds who are actually 30-something. I like to talk about cars every once in a while. I like to take a home improvement question.

38:20🔗 Eric Balfour Do you ever feel like... I mean, how many years have you guys been doing this show?

38:23🔗 Adam I've been doing it nine and Drew's been doing it 20.

38:26🔗 Eric Balfour My goodness. Are there less of them now? Have you had a positive effect on the whole of society? Not at all?

38:31🔗 Adam Seems to be more. It seems to be more f-ed up. Yes, Drew?

38:35🔗 Drew Yeah, it's like hurting cats. Different problems emerge.

38:42🔗 Adam What happened to Drew? Hurting cats.

38:44🔗 Drew You know what I mean?

38:45🔗 Eric Balfour The virus mutated somehow.

38:46🔗 Adam Yeah, you just take the pussies, you move them around.

38:52🔗 Drew You know, a couple of students from... Yeah, a couple of students from University of Central Florida joined me. They brought me up here to the studio. You guys have any home improvement questions?

39:01🔗 Adam Yep.

39:01🔗 Drew No.

39:03🔗 Not that we know of.

39:05🔗 Caller We'll come over and be right back.

39:06🔗 Adam They live in dorms, you idiot. What do you think they're going to do?

39:10🔗 Drew No, this guy has a house he's got. What? He's a real estate appraiser.

39:13🔗 Adam We're seeing it. Isn't he renting the house though?

39:16🔗 No, I actually bought it and fixed it up. Drew was asking me a couple of questions about fixing up houses earlier.

39:21🔗 Adam Son of a bitch.

39:22🔗 How old are you?

39:23🔗 Adam You go to school and you own a house?

39:25🔗 Drew He's a real estate appraiser.

39:26🔗 Adam Yeah, but he's a student.

39:28🔗 Drew I know. It's crazy.

39:29🔗 It's a good market though. Interest rates are low right now.

39:31🔗 Adam Okay, listen, you think of a good home improvement question for me. I'll tackle it when we come back, all right?

39:36🔗 All right, thanks.

39:37🔗 Adam All right, Eric Balfour is here tonight from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

39:43🔗 Eric Balfour Opens tomorrow night.

39:43🔗 Go see it.

39:44🔗 Adam Coming out Friday. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

39:49🔗 Caller 1-800-L-O-V-E-191.

40:18🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Florida. Eric Balfour is our guest tonight. The Texas Chainsaw Massacree. That is on Friday, tomorrow, almost tomorrow. Cult classic, everybody. This time done right.

40:31🔗 Eric Balfour This is very, very well done. It's the greatest horror movie of our generation.

40:35🔗 Adam I would say Texas Chainsaw Massacre is on a very short list of the biggest and best horror movies of this century, and maybe ones before it. Yes, Drew? Yes.

40:49🔗 I'm going home to watch it tonight, the original. I'm very excited.

40:52🔗 Adam Oh, really? Nice. Let me say this too, because I have to get this second plug in here. 28 days later, all callers who get on the air tonight will get a DVD of the horror film 28 days later. So you call in the show and you get it, and then we pick out that, pick someone's name and they go to the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, and you get to stay there for 28 days.

41:18🔗 Drew Yes, they have to be over 18 and the room can be used by anyone of their choice. They have one plane ticket to get there.

41:24🔗 Adam Right. They don't have to stay there themselves for 28 days. They can stay there for two days and then let everyone else they know stay there.

41:32🔗 Drew At least part of it, Adam is-

41:33🔗 Adam There's going to be an avalanche of semen. Do you understand? That's what I'm picturing. I'm picturing you open the door like in the sitcoms, when they open the closet door and they're buried by the sporting goods.

41:43🔗 Eric Balfour And they get flooded down the stairs.

41:44🔗 Adam That was semen. That's what I'm saying.

41:48🔗 Drew A bowling ball at the end hits you in the head.

41:49🔗 Adam That's right.

41:50🔗 Eric Balfour And everything falls out of the top of the closet on top.

41:53🔗 Adam Mm-hmm.

41:54🔗 Drew But, Adam, aren't you going to chain a stripper to the radiator in this room?

41:57🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm planning on rigging this contest so I can win. I'm going to go out there. I'm going to go across the street to Club Paradise. I'm going to pick me up a low-rent hooker and I'm going to bring her in there. I'm going to chain her to the radiator. I think they have radiators there at the hard rock.

42:12🔗 Eric Balfour It's sort of an homage to like natural born killers or something.

42:15🔗 Adam I'm going to keep her there for 28 days. That's my plan.

42:18🔗 Eric Balfour Duct tape her eyes closed.

42:19🔗 Adam Yeah.

42:20🔗 Eric Balfour Duct tape her eyes closed.

42:21🔗 Adam Yeah. Then I'll peel them off and I'll go, don't look at me and I'll put them back on again. Then she has to listen while I spank it to spectrovision.

42:30🔗 Eric Balfour You know you're going to get letters about this when some kid finally goes out and does it. It's going to be like Drew and Eric Balfour and Adam Carolla told me to duct tape her eyes closed.

42:40🔗 Adam Yeah, I'll just tell them Drew should have known better as a doctor. All right, Drew.

42:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

42:44🔗 Adam You were going to say something or are we cool?

42:47🔗 Drew Well, did you want to have these guys ask you a home improvement question?

42:49🔗 Adam Well, if they got a quick one, sure. But if they don't have one, they don't have one.

42:54🔗 All right. I have a smaller house. It's not that big.

42:57🔗 Adam Oh, I live in a castle, buddy.

43:01🔗 But it's about 1,300 square feet and we put the AC on about 76 and our electric bill is about 200 bucks a month when it's at that winter time when we open up the house in the winter down here. The bill is only like 50 bucks. Is there any way I can improve my electric bill?

43:18🔗 Eric Balfour Upgrade your thermostat so it's reading correctly.

43:22🔗 Adam Well, how about you get, you know what works good? You get a ceiling fan. Put in a couple of ceiling fans. You just kick the ceiling fan on in the room that you're in and it does you pretty good. Like, you know, you got to think about, and this is why I want to get my, thanks, my heated sofa off the ground, which is, why turn the AC on and cool that 1300 square foot palace you live in when you could just turn the ceiling fan on in the room that your ass is in front of the TV set for hours upon hours upon hours? Like, you're not going anywhere. You're not hitting every room.

43:51🔗 You're just planning on the sofa.

43:53🔗 Adam All right, but do you have a ceiling fan?

43:56🔗 Sure.

43:57🔗 Adam You do?

43:58🔗 Yeah, they run too, but it's still.

44:01🔗 Adam You have one in your bedroom and you have one in your den.

44:05🔗 There's no beds in 1,300 square foot houses.

44:07🔗 Adam Here's what you can do. Here's what you can do. You've got a flat roof over there, right?

44:13🔗 Caller No, it's pitched.

44:14🔗 Adam You have an attic in there?

44:15🔗 Caller A small one.

44:17🔗 Adam Good.

44:18🔗 Caller Okay, get up there.

44:19🔗 Adam Put up a radiant barrier. Radiant barrier? Looks like tin foil and you whack it on with a stapler to the inside of the rafters, the roof rafters, not the joists, the rafters, the roof rafters, called radiant barrier. It cuts the heat down quite a bit. Everyone should do that. You guys should be amazed. If you got a roof that's got a pitch on it and you just go up in your attic and you see those open roof rafters and those open bays, the heat just comes pouring through that. You put this, it's called a radiant barrier. It's not an insulation. It's just thin. It's like cardboard, but it looks like aluminum. Yeah, it reflects it back. You just go up there, cut it, put it on with a stapler. All right, radiant barrier. Here we go, Drew.

45:03🔗 Drew All right, good times.

45:05🔗 Adam Kid's a wise ass. I don't trust that kid. Look at that ceiling fan.

45:11🔗 Drew They thought I did a good job tonight, right guys?

45:13🔗 Drew did awesome tonight.

45:15🔗 Adam Please, I hate you to say that.

45:17🔗 Drew Whatever.

45:18🔗 Eric Balfour He's awesome, man.

45:20🔗 Adam All right, Drew, hot chicks in Florida, right?

45:28🔗 Eric Balfour She was only missing a couple of brackets from her braces.

45:30🔗 Adam That means his wife is listening. That's when Drew grunts. Drew, you have any sex with any nurses back in the day? Drew, a lot of hot chicks on the road, huh? Here comes Frankenstein all of a sudden. Fire. All right, go ahead, buddy. Who are we talking to? Oh, I'm picking the calls. All right, let's see. Some guys putting in French doors. Jason?

45:56🔗 Caller Yeah.

45:58🔗 Adam You're 26. You're putting in French doors, huh?

46:01🔗 Caller Yeah, putting French doors in the bedroom.

46:03🔗 Caller They're six foot total width.

46:06🔗 I need to know what size header to put in, a four by six or a four by eight.

46:10🔗 Adam Is it one story building?

46:12🔗 Caller Two story.

46:13🔗 Adam Two story, go with a four by eight. It's a bearing wall, yes, exterior wall.

46:18🔗 Caller Yep.

46:19🔗 Adam Which way the ceiling, which way the ceiling joist running? Are they resting on that wall?

46:23🔗 Caller Yeah, they are.

46:24🔗 Adam They're running that direction?

46:25🔗 Caller Yep.

46:26🔗 Adam Couldn't hurt to step up to a four by eight.

46:28🔗 Okay.

46:29🔗 Adam All right, what do you got on the outside of the house, stucco?

46:32🔗 No, lap siding.

46:33🔗 Adam All right, that's easy to deal with. You're going to drop it in yourself?

46:36🔗 Caller Yep.

46:37🔗 Adam All right, just get yourself some shims and make sure everything's plumb and level and then you just screw it off and use the shims and make sure the doors are swung right before you put the casing on, all right, because you can move that jam around. Boring to the feels, right, you understand?

46:51🔗 Caller Yep, I got it.

46:52🔗 Adam All right, so King Studs and the headers and the trimmers and all that good stuff.

46:57🔗 Eric Balfour Can Home Depot answer some of these questions?

46:58🔗 Adam No, they don't have the time. They're not interested. They don't love the kids like I do.

47:03🔗 Eric Balfour So, I mean, it just amazes me. You waited six, you know, how many hours to ask you about a header?

47:08🔗 Adam Only four minutes.

47:09🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, is that it?

47:09🔗 Adam Yeah, I prioritize all the home improvement calls. We have people that have miscarried and are bleeding that are calling on a cell phone. They've been on hold for 126 minutes.

47:19🔗 Eric Balfour We'll get to them later.

47:20🔗 The call for Eric's been on hold.

47:21🔗 Adam All right, well, we'll get back to the normal format. Drew over there in Florida, me and Eric Balfour are out here from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and we'll be right back after this.

47:30🔗 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:32🔗 Caller Looking to hook up?

47:33🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:34🔗 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:36🔗 Caller Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:43🔗 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead!

47:51🔗 NFL Blitz Pro combines authentic NFL features with Blitz signature fast and furious gameplay.

48:28🔗 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is in Florida tonight. Eric Balfour is our guest tonight. He is from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which is coming out tomorrow, Friday. It's a remake of the original. It's not part four or anything like that. No, we have a question or two for Eric, so let's see.

48:51🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, wait. Can I be totally cheesy for a second?

48:53🔗 Adam Go ahead.

48:54🔗 Eric Balfour Can I say hi to my little sister, Tori, and to Bill Yonah and just say hi to them? I want to just say hi.

49:00🔗 Adam I'm sorry, but that would be impossible, Eric.

49:03🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, maybe next time.

49:04🔗 Adam All right. Yeah, we'll do it next time. All right, you write it down. I'll plug it on Sunday's show.

49:09🔗 Eric Balfour That'd be great.

49:09🔗 Adam Thank you. Craig?

49:11🔗 Caller Hi there.

49:12🔗 Eric Balfour What's up, Craig?

49:13🔗 Adam 24?

49:14🔗 Caller Yeah. I had a question about the movie. I saw it in high school with some guys one night, and the thing that really scared the hell out of me was the way it was actually lighted. That was all dark, and you couldn't really tell what was happening, and then suddenly, and it's coming out of nowhere. And that's what really was kind of scary about it to me. Is this one going to take that and keep it? Keep that in mind?

49:39🔗 Eric Balfour Absolutely. The guy who directed it is a man named Marcus Nisbell, who directed a lot of great videos. He did like the Fuji's Ready or Not video and the No Doubt Spiderweb video. And visually, he is amazing. And he made this film look just dark and beautiful. And you will be really impressed by what he did with it.

49:57🔗 Adam The first one wasn't dark because of the lighting. It was dark because they didn't have lighting.

50:02🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, they just couldn't afford any lights. But you know, actually Quentin Tarantino referred to the original film as one of the first independent movies ever made.

50:11🔗 Adam It's probably, by the way, I mean you always think of that, you know, My Big Fat Greek Wedding and then there's Blair Witch and stuff like that. But over the years, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre with original budget of probably 25 grand, has probably made quite a bit more than its original investment.

50:35🔗 Eric Balfour No, it's true. And you know what's great about this movie is they didn't go for that sort of, you know, what's been very common like the last ten years, this sort of teen horror flicks. Right. They made a really classy movie, you know, something that would stand up against an exorcist or a poltergeist. And it's I'm really I'm happy and proud of it that way because, you know, they didn't put us on the posters doing our lame cheesy smiles or whatever.

50:57🔗 Adam Do you get killed? Can you give it away?

50:59🔗 Eric Balfour You know, it's the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

51:01🔗 Adam Yeah, everyone goes.

51:02🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, you know, it's not a big surprise.

51:04🔗 Adam I wonder how much money the original one has made over like the last 25, 28 years.

51:10🔗 Eric Balfour Bob Shea, who's the president of New Line, gave a speech at the premiere last night that went on for a long time. It was really, it was very interesting, but one of the things he did say was that the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre has helped fund what New Line is today.

51:23🔗 Adam Yeah, gotta be nice. And like I said, how could you not make your money back when you're starting with about 25 grand? All right, let's talk to Jake on line three, who's 24. Jake?

51:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:37🔗 Eric Balfour What's up, Jake?

51:38🔗 Caller All right, here's the deal. There's this girl that I've been seeing. And whenever we're together, I always try to try for anal. And at first, he was not into it at all.

51:49🔗 Adam And lately, he's like, son, stop it.

51:52🔗 Caller What? Oh, nice. Now she's down to at least try it. And every time we try it, she's so tight that we just can't do anything.

52:05🔗 Eric Balfour Okay, I got a secret for you. You have to use lubricant. I don't know if it doesn't matter what kind it is or I mean, whatever floats your boat, my friend.

52:15🔗 Adam Synthetic is nice or multi-gram.

52:18🔗 Drew Not everyone can do this thing.

52:19🔗 Adam Yes. I don't think she's into it, Jake.

52:22🔗 Caller Why?

52:23🔗 Drew Why?

52:24🔗 Adam Why?

52:24🔗 Eric Balfour Because it's painful, I would imagine.

52:27🔗 Caller Was he even trying it? I didn't think she'd loved it.

52:30🔗 Drew Well, you tried it and it didn't work.

52:32🔗 Caller Well, we tried it. It's like trying to stick your fist through.

52:36🔗 Adam All right, you idiot. Jake, I hope for your sake it's a bogus call. Otherwise, you're just an asshole. And here's the thing. We haven't talked about this for a little while, but young guys, guys in their early 20s or late teens, are forever trying to get chicks to do stuff that the chick doesn't really want to do. And then you wear them down and after a couple of wine coolers one night, they actually do do whatever it is they didn't want to do the whole time. And then they resent you for the rest of the relationship.

53:05🔗 Eric Balfour And it's almost always a disappointment. I got guys out there, the anal thing, there's no rhythm to it. There's no, you know, it's just, it's just rough and hard.

53:14🔗 Adam It's a mess. It's a disaster.

53:15🔗 Eric Balfour It's really not worth it.

53:17🔗 Adam Yeah.

53:17🔗 Eric Balfour I mean, unless it's one of these porn star chicks who's just like, you know, a cavern.

53:21🔗 Adam Yeah, she's dilated and you and your buddy are in at the same time. I mean, that's a different situation. You know what I'm saying?

53:28🔗 Eric Balfour And that's, but, you know, that's, that's F in teamwork.

53:30🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean, if you get a bunch of guys, it looks like one of those things where you see those old pictures from the fifties where the guy has like ten cigars in his mouth at the same time.

53:38🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah.

53:38🔗 Adam If it's that kind of thing.

53:40🔗 Eric Balfour I got, I got.

53:40🔗 Adam Yeah.

53:41🔗 Eric Balfour It's weird because my buddy, my buddy Danny, he's a, he's a big fan.

53:45🔗 Adam A Dan, Dan the Ass Man?

53:46🔗 Eric Balfour Dan the Ass Man.

53:47🔗 Adam Yeah, I know him.

53:48🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, he's, I don't know what it is with him, but he really, he's, he's. He said, it's working for him somehow.

53:54🔗 Adam Sorry.

53:54🔗 Drew It's a strange breed of cat that's into that, isn't it?

53:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

53:56🔗 Eric Balfour It is a strange breed of cat.

53:58🔗 Adam It's a certain breed of cat. Yeah. You want to give a shout out to the little sister one more time or?

54:04🔗 Eric Balfour You want to give a shout out to her name is Tori.

54:07🔗 Adam Tori, don't hang out with Danny.

54:09🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah.

54:10🔗 Adam That's my shout out.

54:11🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, there you go. All right.

54:13🔗 Adam Let's get back the phones and we'll speak to Shayla over here. Shayla.

54:29🔗 Caller He went down on me and then a day or two later, a cold sore appeared. Then a week or two later, I had herpes.

54:40🔗 Drew There you go.

54:41🔗 Adam Well, Shayla, you're 16.

54:43🔗 Eric Balfour Simple as that.

54:46🔗 Adam Well, with modern medicine, the way it is, you probably have herpes for another 85 years, maybe 90 years. Tori, you think it will burn itself out?

54:56🔗 Eric Balfour I don't know.

54:57🔗 Drew As usual, the real problem with it is you can transmit it to other people, and you don't really know if that ever goes away, the transmissibility.

55:05🔗 Adam Why doesn't your boyfriend believe you that he gave it to you? Is he embarrassed?

55:13🔗 Eric Balfour Is he embarrassed? I mean, I'm sure he probably feels bad that he gave you herpes and it's uncomfortable, but you know, you just got to tell him that you know he didn't do it on purpose, and he probably didn't, hopefully, mean to give it to you.

55:25🔗 Adam Well, does he have herpes?

55:27🔗 Eric Balfour She said he got cold sores.

55:30🔗 Adam He got it a few days later. I thought she had the cold sore first.

55:33🔗 Caller No, he had the cold sore, and then later on I probably gave it to him.

55:37🔗 Drew On the genitals?

55:41🔗 Eric Balfour It's a vicious cycle. I mean, the only other possibility is that when he went down on you, you already had it. Had you messed around with other boys before him? Well, yeah, there you go.

55:54🔗 Adam All right, how old is your boyfriend? All right, you're 16. Big couple years there.

56:02🔗 Eric Balfour That's illegal.

56:03🔗 Adam I don't know if I like this guy. Is he not a great guy? He's a dynamite guy, just doesn't admit to herpes. Yeah, do your parents love him? Yeah, well, I mean, what's not to love with all the herpes and denial and everything?

56:23🔗 Eric Balfour Is he taking medication for his cold sores?

56:32🔗 Drew But they're both, not really, because they both have it now.

56:35🔗 Adam Yeah, but look, don't get pregnant, would you Shayla? Could you not do that for us?

56:42🔗 Eric Balfour Good for you.

56:43🔗 Adam All right.

56:44🔗 Eric Balfour Good for you.

56:44🔗 Adam Is this guy in your high school? It could be. He graduated or they just kind of kicked him out?

56:55🔗 Caller All right.

56:56🔗 Adam What's he doing now?

57:01🔗 Eric Balfour So he's one of the intelligent elite.

57:02🔗 Adam Oh no. Oh no. That's horrible. All right, baby doll, you got your hands full with the herpes and now with the construction. Yeah.

57:11🔗 Eric Balfour Just get on some medication for it and, you know.

57:13🔗 Adam Yeah.

57:14🔗 Eric Balfour Make sure, you know, if you ever have any other partners that you let them know first and you're careful.

57:18🔗 Adam Yeah.

57:19🔗 Eric Balfour You don't want to spread it.

57:21🔗 Adam Yeah, because, I mean, just a hypothetical, but, you know, there's some location shoot. Maybe they're doing Texas Chainsaw Massacre Five. People are inhabiting a small town for a short period of time. They're drinking some of the local color.

57:36🔗 Eric Balfour Somebody thought we were shooting a porno one day on set. We were down in Austin shooting on this river. And somehow they convinced me to, you know, go running around naked, you know, being goofy. And I was swimming around the water and these people came by on a canoe and they saw me naked in the cameras and they're like, you know, what are you guys shooting, a porno? And it took us a little while to convince them otherwise.

57:57🔗 Adam Do you have to shoot the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in Texas?

58:02🔗 Eric Balfour If you really want to be authentic, yeah, you do. You know, there aren't a whole lot of places that look like that part of Texas. So it really, it lends itself to the film.

58:11🔗 Adam Did you go to where they shot the original or the original site?

58:14🔗 Eric Balfour Some of the locations, yeah, we were very close to some of the original.

58:16🔗 Adam Where is it in Texas?

58:17🔗 Eric Balfour It's in and around Austin.

58:19🔗 Adam Oh, really?

58:19🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah.

58:20🔗 Adam That's nice. Austin's not a bad place to hang out for a few months.

58:22🔗 Eric Balfour Austin's a great town.

58:24🔗 Adam All right, let's talk.

58:25🔗 Eric Balfour It was fun hanging out with all the kids in the movie, too. I mean, Jessie Beals, rad.

58:29🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. She's hot.

58:31🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, not ugly, not at all.

58:32🔗 Adam No, no, I dig her. Steve, and I like the fact you call her Jessie.

58:37🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, I get to call her Jessie.

58:38🔗 Adam Because you shot a movie with her.

58:39🔗 Eric Balfour I shot a movie. I got to make out with her, too. Oh. Yeah.

58:42🔗 Adam Really?

58:42🔗 Eric Balfour It was really a bummer because she's got a really great boyfriend. I like him a lot.

58:45🔗 Adam Yeah, but like when you, I mean, in today's act, like when you got to make out, you got to make out, right? Do you do tongues?

58:53🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, yeah.

58:53🔗 Adam Really?

58:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

58:55🔗 Adam Wow. Let me see your tongue for a second. Wow.

58:57🔗 Eric Balfour Let me see if there's any Jessie left on my tongue.

58:59🔗 Drew Adam wants to touch it.

59:00🔗 Adam I want to smell it, Drew. Don't be gay. Yeah, she's hot.

59:06🔗 Eric Balfour That was metrosexual, not homosexual.

59:08🔗 Adam Do you just, so in the scene where it's like you guys got to make out, do you talk about it in advance or do you just say we're going for it?

59:16🔗 Eric Balfour You know, normally I would kind of talk about it, you know, just to be polite, you know, are you comfortable with this or what not. And we were just, you know, she just went for it. She's a rock star. She really is. She's a rock star.

59:27🔗 Adam Yeah. Making out with tongues and everything. Yeah. Yeah.

59:30🔗 Eric Balfour Rough gig.

59:31🔗 Adam Any finger blasting?

59:32🔗 Eric Balfour No, not that I recall.

59:34🔗 Adam Okay. Because sometimes it's not in the script, but, you know, it's called actors.

59:38🔗 Eric Balfour It's a motivator.

59:39🔗 Adam Well, they ad lib.

59:40🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah.

59:40🔗 Adam Ad lib. All right.

59:41🔗 Eric Balfour Fingers.

59:42🔗 Adam Let's talk to Steve, who's 23. Steve?

59:45🔗 Hey, how's it going?

59:47🔗 Adam Hey, what's happening, Steve?

59:49🔗 Well, Adam, you roll.

59:51🔗 Adam Thanks.

59:51🔗 It's you on the man show.

59:53🔗 Adam Thanks.

59:54🔗 Andrew, you're a genius. And Texas Chainsaw Massacre looks really cool.

59:58🔗 Eric Balfour Wow, you're just a bucket load of compliments.

1:00:01🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:00:01🔗 Yeah. Anyway, I have some questions. First one's for Dr. Drew. I have painful ejaculation. Whenever I have sex or masturbate, right as I get there, it just starts to sting and burn.

1:00:18🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, not like a hernia?

1:00:20🔗 Drew We're at the tip?

1:00:22🔗 Yeah, down the urethra.

1:00:24🔗 Drew Down the urethra. Are you on any medication?

1:00:27🔗 No, I'm not on any medication.

1:00:29🔗 Drew How long does it take you before you ejaculate?

1:00:32🔗 I'm sorry, I can barely hear you, you're like, cut now? How long? How long does it take? I don't know, about maybe 10, 15? Give or take?

1:00:42🔗 Adam Seconds?

1:00:44🔗 Eric Balfour Way to stay in the game.

1:00:47🔗 Drew Are you using any kind of soaps or lubricant or anything?

1:00:50🔗 No. No, it's just been going on for a couple weeks, maybe.

1:00:53🔗 Drew Are you a Mormon?

1:00:55🔗 No. No, not everyone in Utah is Mormon.

1:00:59🔗 Eric Balfour I eat shellfish.

1:01:01🔗 Adam Well, maybe he has a little urethritis or something.

1:01:04🔗 Drew I don't know. I'm not sure what it is. It's more to be a prostate irritation, I think.

1:01:10🔗 Adam So if he had a STD, there would be pain with urination.

1:01:16🔗 Drew Right.

1:01:17🔗 Adam But if there's just pain with ejaculation, then it's the prostate.

1:01:21🔗 Drew Well, yeah, at the point of ejaculation. So that's more like a prostate thing.

1:01:26🔗 Adam Steve, you have a girlfriend?

1:01:28🔗 Caller A wife.

1:01:29🔗 Adam A wife? Yep. Wow.

1:01:32🔗 Caller Married.

1:01:33🔗 Adam All right. Well, what? Yeah, maybe he's got a little prostate problem. Maybe he needs to go to the doctor and get some antibiotics or something.

1:01:39🔗 Eric Balfour Enjoy yourself, my friend. Nothing like a little prostate exam.

1:01:42🔗 Drew That may go away in a week or two.

1:01:43🔗 Well, you know, I went to a doctor about six months ago because I had painful urination and they said it was an infection, but they didn't give me anything for it. They just said, oh, it will work itself out.

1:01:55🔗 Drew Well, you mean a prostate infection, they told you.

1:01:58🔗 Oh, no. Well, I had a catheter and I had to have a catheter.

1:02:03🔗 Drew Wait a minute. Why do you have a catheter?

1:02:06🔗 No, I had a catheter because I went into a hospital.

1:02:08🔗 Drew Why?

1:02:11🔗 It's long and embarrassing.

1:02:13🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:02:14🔗 Eric Balfour That's what we like here.

1:02:15🔗 Adam Actually, we like short and embarrassing. Actually, we like medium length and humiliating actually.

1:02:20🔗 Drew There's no way I can figure out what's going on here unless I know what's going on. And a catheter changes everything.

1:02:28🔗 Adam I've always said that.

1:02:30🔗 What happened was, a couple months ago, I was on some pain medicine for a bad tooth, some Percocet, and I was doped out on Percocet from the tooth. And I don't really remember, but I woke up and I took a Percocet, and then I went back to sleep for a couple hours and I thought it was later, and I ended up taking like eight Percocets in only a couple hours.

1:02:55🔗 Adam So what, did you OD?

1:02:57🔗 Yeah, it wasn't on purpose. I mean, I was doped up. I didn't know. I mean.

1:03:01🔗 Adam So what sent you to the hospital?

1:03:03🔗 That.

1:03:04🔗 Adam Well, what happened?

1:03:05🔗 Well, my wife came in and she found me like all gurgling and.

1:03:10🔗 Adam Lightweight.

1:03:12🔗 Drew Eight Percocets usually doesn't do that. What else do you take?

1:03:14🔗 I took some aspirin and ibuprofen. And I really have no idea how much of that I took. All right.

1:03:20🔗 Adam But hold on a second, Drew, you can tell by Steve's voice. He's a tremendous lightweight.

1:03:26🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:03:27🔗 Adam Right.

1:03:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:03:28🔗 Adam He has half a Flintstones vitamin in a cap of Robitussin and he's banging off the walls. Right.

1:03:35🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:03:36🔗 Adam All right. OK, Steve.

1:03:38🔗 Eric Balfour Well, so the real problem is maybe you need to talk to your wife. She should have been watching you a little bit.

1:03:44🔗 Drew Yeah, I don't know. That's a very strange story. And then again, what the catheter did to you in terms of inflamming your prostate. You might want to see a urologist. This is all related to complications from the catheterization and that overdose.

1:03:54🔗 Adam You think?

1:03:55🔗 Drew For sure.

1:03:55🔗 Adam Yeah. I had some pain with ejaculation a few months ago, but That's because she was biting you. No, I was alone. I had been turned out. I was using Velveeta with the jalapeno in it for lube.

1:04:12🔗 Eric Balfour It would sting any little cuts or abrasions.

1:04:14🔗 Adam I didn't know at the time, but yeah, I was out of lubricant derm. I was sort of improvising. Well, I've learned my lesson. That's my point. And it doesn't matter how old you are. You can always learn.

1:04:24🔗 Eric Balfour You know, if you plug like keels on the air, they'll send you like all the lotions and stuff. So you can always use it. I hear keels is good for that kind of thing.

1:04:31🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm a dry, I'm a dry, whack man.

1:04:34🔗 Eric Balfour I understand that.

1:04:34🔗 Adam Yeah. Corollas are very thrifty that way.

1:04:37🔗 Sweaty palms?

1:04:38🔗 Adam Dad sat me down. Yeah. You naturally lubricate with your clammy hands. And we don't need you going through a 40-gallon tub of your stepmom's Nivea. So once you get the dry runs done. Yeah. I use a little cornstarch to beat off every once in a while. Little diatomaceous earth. You know what I mean? I like it dry. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:04:58🔗 Eric Balfour There's that bark ground cover that's always fun.

1:05:00🔗 Adam I'll use some of that. I'll use like a pine tar rag. It's really, it's like baseball. It's like somebody heading to the plate.

1:05:05🔗 Eric Balfour Like a silver polishing rag, something?

1:05:09🔗 Adam I'll beat off with Tarnix. Yes. Holy Christ. Let me tell you this. Not funny, no joke, no entertainment value. But for some reason, I happen to work with a whole bunch of guys that are all from the Boston area who are in, who are not, I mean, to call them diehard Sox fans would not do them justice. They live and die. They go into fits of depression and rage and jubilance, depending on how the team goes. They will be a mess when I see them tomorrow. I mean, I was driving in tonight seriously thinking that one of the four or five guys may put himself down tonight. Like they will be that depressed. I mean, devastation depressed.

1:05:59🔗 Eric Balfour Do they have them like on a death watch or something?

1:06:02🔗 Adam Yes, suicide watch. Yeah, go and eat your belt and your shoelaces. Yeah, because I mean, it is going to be like going to a funeral, going into my office tomorrow. The whole, for some reason, and I don't know what it is, but funny guys, and this is going into Jimmy's show and all the writers and all the producers or anything, everyone is from Massachusetts somewhere and mostly from in the Boston area. Like there's nobody funny from Arizona. There's nobody funny from Idaho. There's nobody funny from Montana. Everybody is from that one region of this country and they're all funny guys.

1:06:39🔗 Eric Balfour Or they're Canadian.

1:06:40🔗 Adam Yeah, or they're Canadian. These guys, and they're all the same thing. They're super smart, they're a-holes, and they're sports fanatics. They're crazy.

1:06:50🔗 Eric Balfour These are just a woman's fantasy.

1:06:52🔗 Adam Oh yeah, their wives love them all. Just cursing and pacing in front of the TV set.

1:06:57🔗 Eric Balfour You know, comics by nature a lot of times are almost manic-depressive.

1:07:02🔗 Adam Yeah, so they're going to be a mess. I'll bet you some of them won't come in tomorrow. Ian?

1:07:08🔗 Yep.

1:07:09🔗 Adam You're 23?

1:07:10🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:07:11🔗 Adam What's up?

1:07:12🔗 Caller Actually, I called you guys a while ago when you were first discussing your hobo power system of rating.

1:07:18🔗 Adam Yeah, let's just fill everyone in on that. Including our guest, Eric. There's no definitive way to measure stink or funk. I mean, pardon me, everything else, you got your watts for electricity and you have your horsepower and your BTUs and for everything there is, there's a different unit of measurement. Nothing for stink. You know, people do that like, oh, this guy was funky. I mean, he farted up the elevator, this guy, it was like he hadn't taken a shower in a month, man. But there's no definitive, you know what I mean? It's like if you were talking about a car, yeah, like you want to say, this car.

1:07:55🔗 Eric Balfour You need some kind of frame of reference.

1:07:57🔗 Adam Yeah, you can't just go, oh, this car is peppy. It doesn't work. Okay, so we came up with hobo power. And here's basically how hobo power works. First off, to reach 50 hobo power, you have to vomit. You have to make somebody vomit. And that could be through gas, it could be just through, you know, like Drew. When you used to work over at the county hospital once in a while, you get a bag lady up there for a gynecological exam, right?

1:08:27🔗 Drew Easy 50.

1:08:28🔗 Adam Easy, getting close to 50. That's like autopsy pulled the body from the swamp kind of hobo power.

1:08:35🔗 Eric Balfour Even the thought of that just...

1:08:36🔗 Adam And 100 is as high as it goes, but that's a theoretical.

1:08:39🔗 Drew Theoretical.

1:08:40🔗 Adam No one's ever got to that.

1:08:41🔗 Drew It doesn't exist in nature. It's a theoretical possibility.

1:08:43🔗 Eric Balfour It's like that bag lady plus crap.

1:08:45🔗 Adam Yeah, but we couldn't get there.

1:08:48🔗 Caller Isn't 100 death?

1:08:49🔗 Adam 100 is theoretical death.

1:08:51🔗 Drew It seems absolute zero. It's never been achieved.

1:08:56🔗 Caller Anyway, what I was calling it to know is...

1:08:58🔗 Adam But it could be death. We're figuring that death would be in the mid 70s to high 70s.

1:09:04🔗 Eric Balfour You know, George Clinton told me once...

1:09:07🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, George Clinton.

1:09:09🔗 Eric Balfour George Clinton told me once, You can't be funky if you don't smell funky.

1:09:13🔗 Adam I'll tell you, those are words that that man lives by. Because he came into our very small, unwell ventilated studio one night about four years ago after receiving the NAACP Image Award. And by the way, I found it amazingly ironic and phenomenal that a guy who just received the Image Award smelled worse than any man I've ever smelled in my life. He's wearing three pairs of sunglasses. His hair looked like two drunken raccoons had died on his scalp. And he smells so goddamn bad, my eyes are watering. And he's telling me about his Image Award. It's a very prestigious award given to one African American Asian. I'm not going to go like, I've got to kill myself if this guy keeps stinking up this room. God does he stink. But yes, go ahead.

1:10:05🔗 Caller Anyway, I was calling to let you know that the rating system is starting to catch on at my store.

1:10:11🔗 Drew Oh, really?

1:10:11🔗 Caller Yeah. And the worst I've encountered so far has been probably about a 47 or 48. One of my coworkers actually went into the bathroom and dry heaved due to it.

1:10:22🔗 Drew Oh, really?

1:10:23🔗 Adam Now what caused the 47 rating of Hobo Power?

1:10:27🔗 Caller Probably a mixture of, you know, sleeping in the worst beer you could come up with.

1:10:33🔗 Adam This is a bum that just came into your store?

1:10:35🔗 Caller Yeah, basically we do cans and bottle returns inside the store and when they bring them in, we get a good whiff of stuff all the time.

1:10:46🔗 Adam You got up to the high 40s.

1:10:47🔗 Caller Yeah, actually one of my coworkers did go and dry heave one time.

1:10:51🔗 Drew But Adam, Adam, I have a question. Does Hobo Power actually apply when it's a hobo? That's interesting. You don't really apply horsepower when there's actually eight horses carrying, you know, pulling you. That doesn't count.

1:11:05🔗 Adam That's ironic, Drew, but true. Interesting.

1:11:07🔗 Eric Balfour That was a haiku almost.

1:11:08🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:11:09🔗 Caller But there are different levels of hobo stink as opposed to only one standard unit of horsepower.

1:11:17🔗 Eric Balfour How much time do you spend talking and thinking about this?

1:11:20🔗 Adam Many hours. On and off the air. No, I disagree with what...

1:11:25🔗 Eric Balfour Well, you guys get paid to, but I mean...

1:11:29🔗 Adam Oh, how many does Ian? Well, Ian gets paid to think about hobo power too because he's at work talking about hobo power. But Ian says that there's not different units of horsepower. Briggs and Stratton has three horsepower and a small block Chevy has 300 horsepower. That's just more horsepower. I don't understand what Ian was saying. Ian?

1:11:51🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:11:52🔗 Adam Clarify that.

1:11:53🔗 Caller Well, there's one standard unit of measure for horsepower. And you do have, like you said, different engines have different horsepower. Well, different hobos have different levels of the stink because they don't all smell the same. So you got to be able to judge them in your rating scale. Like you said, a Briggs and Stratton engine might have three.

1:12:14🔗 Adam No, no, no. Listen, Ian, hobo power.

1:12:16🔗 Eric Balfour There's a lesbian who's never screwed a guy on hold and we're talking to this guy about hobo power.

1:12:20🔗 Adam Some more home improvement questions, some more hobo power questions to talk about.

1:12:23🔗 Eric Balfour Can we talk to the lesbians who never screwed a guy instead of the hobo power guy?

1:12:27🔗 Adam Let's see.

1:12:28🔗 Drew Time for a break, dude.

1:12:30🔗 Adam She's super hot. Her partner's inside of her right now with a strap on. Yeah, no, that's boring. I want to talk about header size and hobo power. Eric Balfour is our guest tonight from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Ooh, hobo power massacre. Guy comes in, really got a bad funk, kills people with scent. Think about that, Drew. You're next movie.

1:12:55🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah, you know what?

1:12:56🔗 Adam Not going to work. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:13:00🔗 Caller Loveline.

1:13:01🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:13:06🔗 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom. The most trusted for over 80 years.

1:13:11🔗 Caller Cheers.

1:13:29🔗 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LEVE-191. Dr. Drew in Florida tonight. Beautiful, balmy, deadbeat, dead, riddled, serial killer, infested Florida.

1:13:43🔗 Caller God bless that Florida.

1:13:45🔗 Adam Eric Balfour is our guest tonight, by the way, from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

1:13:49🔗 Drew By the way, Adam, going around down here in Florida, people are saying, what do you got against Florida? What do you guys got on Florida? It's not me.

1:13:58🔗 Adam No, it's Drew. Drew hates Florida.

1:14:00🔗 Eric Balfour You told us out there you just really didn't like it.

1:14:02🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:14:02🔗 Drew No, it was the guys that would drive us around, Adam, if you recall. That's where we got our notions from. Remember?

1:14:07🔗 Adam Yeah. No, I got my notions from reading the paper and finding out that every weird thing goes on in Florida. As a matter of fact, at the Jimmy Kimmel Show, we have this game called Florida or Germany. It's like somebody brings in a headline, and man taught his German shepherd to do the Heil Hitler. Everyone's like, Florida, Germany, Germany. All the weirdest, most effed up things in the world either take place in Germany or Florida. That's a game. It's called Germany or Florida. It's like a guy uses his four-year-old for chum so he can catch hammerhead shark. Florida. That's how you know. You think any of this happens in Virginia?

1:14:48🔗 Eric Balfour It's really the northern part of Florida.

1:14:52🔗 Drew Yeah. That's right. There's a big difference in north and south.

1:14:56🔗 Adam You show me a place that has more waffle huts than mosquitoes.

1:15:01🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, waffle houses.

1:15:02🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah, waffle houses.

1:15:03🔗 Eric Balfour Those places are scary.

1:15:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:15:05🔗 Eric Balfour That's it.

1:15:06🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's hop back to the phones and I'm just going to go for poor Dan who's been on hold for 104 minutes over here. Dan?

1:15:17🔗 Caller Yeah, this is Dan.

1:15:18🔗 Adam You're 25?

1:15:20🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

1:15:21🔗 Adam You went limp when you were with your wife.

1:15:25🔗 Caller Real quick, can I comment on your Florida or Germany game?

1:15:28🔗 Adam Yes.

1:15:29🔗 Caller Really quickly, a young woman has a heart attack causing starvation of oxygen to the brain. Her husband abandons her, gets a girlfriend, has one child and another one on the way.

1:15:44🔗 Adam Florida.

1:15:45🔗 Caller That's right.

1:15:46🔗 Adam That's a Florida move. Germany is just more bizarre.

1:15:51🔗 Eric Balfour Germany is more like porn when they crap on each other.

1:15:54🔗 Adam Yeah, it's smarter stuff.

1:15:57🔗 Eric Balfour Wagner, Hasselhoff, crap on each other.

1:16:02🔗 Caller I wanted to ask you guys specifically, Drew and Adam, what do you think about that Chiavo case? That's what I was referring to.

1:16:09🔗 Adam Yeah, we don't know about it. Is it a local Indiana case?

1:16:13🔗 Caller Oh no, that's in Florida.

1:16:15🔗 Adam Oh, I'm sorry.

1:16:16🔗 Caller The woman that was disconnected from her feeding tube yesterday.

1:16:23🔗 Adam Yeah, okay, let's go on a quick check about that.

1:16:25🔗 Eric Balfour Hasn't she been in a coma for like 10 years?

1:16:27🔗 Caller Yes, 13 years.

1:16:29🔗 Eric Balfour I think, you know, God bless, but I think you have to let her go at this point.

1:16:33🔗 Adam I agree with that, although somebody had brought this up at my office, and I sort of agreed with them, which is disconnecting you from your feeding tube just means a slow, sort of drawn out death, doesn't it, Drew?

1:16:47🔗 Drew Yes, but if somebody is already comatose, they don't register death or thirst or anything.

1:16:53🔗 Adam Yeah, but she seemed to be sitting upright and like blinking and stuff.

1:16:57🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:16:59🔗 Adam She didn't have her eyes closed and she wasn't in bed. She was like sitting in a wheelchair.

1:17:03🔗 Drew She was like, put it this way, if it were me, no tube feeding. If it were you, Adam, I'd pull the tube for your sake.

1:17:10🔗 Adam Yeah, but here's what I want you to do. I want you to remove the tube and insert a bullet.

1:17:15🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:17:16🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:17:18🔗 Eric Balfour Well, I'm sure she's on a respirator, so they probably took her off that too.

1:17:21🔗 Drew No, no, no, no. She's not?

1:17:23🔗 Eric Balfour She can breathe on her own?

1:17:24🔗 Adam Yeah, here's what it is. We'll pull the tube and for the next two weeks, you can slowly dehydrate until your tongue swells up and then you'll choke on that. Yeah, I don't understand why we can't give a little dignity with them.

1:17:37🔗 Eric Balfour Well, what was the point spread on it?

1:17:39🔗 Adam The over-under? 11 and a half days.

1:17:42🔗 Drew But I'm sure they were able to give her opiates and things like that and sedate her and things.

1:17:49🔗 Adam Look, here's the deal. Who are we kidding? Let me just go on a quick jag here. Every once in a... You know, Michigan spent millions and millions of dollars trying to get Kevorkian behind bars. Look, people have the right to die in a dignified way. And you pussies out there, you sanctimonious religious pussies over there that are so scared of everything. He's playing God. He's playing God. What do you think hooking someone up to a breathing tube and a feeding tube and an IV is? Someone should have been dead 13 years ago and you've artificially kept them alive? Isn't that playing God? Pulling the tube out is playing God? You retards! Jesus Christ!

1:18:28🔗 Eric Balfour What are you thinking of?

1:18:29🔗 Adam God damn it, I'm so tired of these stupid religious tards always with this God playing stuff. And then your next argument when you're not playing God card is the slippery slope card, which is this more pure retardism where it's like, well, if we make it OK for guys like Kevorkian to put people in advanced cases of Lou Gehrig's disease out of their misery, what's going to stop your local doctor from killing your teenager when he's going in for a checkup for his high school football team?

1:19:00🔗 Drew Perfectly legal. The slippery slope we're on is where everybody's got to be sustained forever no matter how much misery they're put through.

1:19:09🔗 Adam Let me explain the slippery slope. It's just the same as if it makes sense, we'll do it. If it doesn't, we'll stop. It's just like the NRA. They collect our AK-47s, next thing you know, they've got to take in our butter knife.

1:19:26🔗 Eric Balfour When you think about it, in this country, we spend more money on the last three months of life than we do on a person's entire health, their entire life before that. And no other country in the world does this. We try to keep them alive the last month, but we don't keep them healthy their entire life before that. We just let them go to McDonald's and stuff their face.

1:19:44🔗 Drew The dying process has become what should be comfortable and dignified in a few weeks has become a few years.

1:19:50🔗 Eric Balfour It's big business.

1:19:51🔗 Adam And this is not fueled by atheists, by the way.

1:19:54🔗 Drew No, Eric, it's not big business. It's the law. You're required to make it that way.

1:20:00🔗 Eric Balfour But the question is who's lobbying for those laws?

1:20:04🔗 Adam Yes, I agree with Eric. All I'm saying is I think we can all figure out when someone is basically dead and we're keeping them alive with modern technology as opposed to a 13-year-old who's getting a physical for his little league tryout.

1:20:18🔗 Eric Balfour Are you making reference to your screener?

1:20:20🔗 Adam I just love that slippery slope argument. They do it every time. It's like, let's just stop doctors from killing perfectly healthy patients then. Uh-huh. What are we supposed to say? Oh, touche. What an argument. You're so right. I never thought about that. Dr. Drew is a doctor.

1:20:40🔗 Eric Balfour If we ban strip joints in Los Angeles, no woman will ever get raped again.

1:20:44🔗 Adam That's right. Six-foot radius. Drew, as a doctor, I want you to admit right now that if they made this dignified assisted suicide legal, you would then start snuffing out your younger, healthier patients, yes?

1:20:59🔗 Drew All my peers would. I'd think about it, of course.

1:21:02🔗 Adam You'd think about it, of course. You're tempted. The guy sedated to put a pillow on his head because he had his tonsils out, right?

1:21:08🔗 Eric Balfour I don't know so much about your hobo-masker idea, but I think that could be the film idea for you.

1:21:13🔗 Adam Oh, yes, we've legalized the physician-assisted suicide.

1:21:18🔗 Eric Balfour And then he just goes on a rant and starts killing everyone's children.

1:21:21🔗 Adam And the law can't touch him.

1:21:23🔗 Eric Balfour The mom brings the kid in, she's like, well, he's got a little bit of a cough.

1:21:26🔗 Adam Kill him! You just go into your waiting room and start mowing people over with a machine gun.

1:21:34🔗 Eric Balfour I think my daughter's dyslexic.

1:21:37🔗 Adam Killer!

1:21:38🔗 Drew Why delay the inevitable?

1:21:39🔗 Adam Yeah, she's going to die another 80 years anyway.

1:21:41🔗 Eric Balfour My son would like to have this mold removed.

1:21:43🔗 Adam Off with his head. Lethal injection. I'm going to shoot some air into his bloodstream. Ha ha ha ha. Drew, this is what would happen, right?

1:21:52🔗 Drew Oh, of course.

1:21:53🔗 Adam I mean, it's a very slippery slope.

1:21:55🔗 Eric Balfour Drew is a loose cannon.

1:21:56🔗 Adam You know why? Because you guys can't stop playing God, you doctors.

1:21:59🔗 Eric Balfour Why are you looking at me? I'm not a doctor.

1:22:01🔗 Adam No, but you could play one in a movie. And then you would be playing a doctor who was playing God.

1:22:05🔗 Eric Balfour But I didn't play one in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

1:22:07🔗 Adam Dan?

1:22:08🔗 Eric Balfour It comes out tomorrow night.

1:22:11🔗 Adam Look what you did, Dan. You got me started, you son of a bitch. All right, good. Now, what is your question? You came too fast?

1:22:19🔗 Caller No, no.

1:22:20🔗 Eric Balfour We were talking about Dan being a loser. I mean, limp.

1:22:23🔗 Adam Oh, he went limp.

1:22:25🔗 Caller No, this is mostly for Dr. Drew. I've been married a year and four months. I'm 25. My wife is 23. This has happened twice. And it's only happened on days where I had masturbated earlier in the day. And then while having sex with my wife, I lost my erection.

1:22:45🔗 Drew All right, so don't do that.

1:22:47🔗 Okay.

1:22:48🔗 Drew Why is that so shocking to you? You're out of steam?

1:22:52🔗 Well, okay.

1:22:54🔗 Caller I thought I'd heard you say that if anything, that would make you better.

1:22:59🔗 Drew We're talking about...

1:23:00🔗 Eric Balfour Clearly not in your case...

1:23:01🔗 Drew .that ejaculate too quickly. You guys ejaculate too quickly.

1:23:05🔗 Eric Balfour There are some really good books on Tantra you might want to read.

1:23:07🔗 Adam Yeah, you have to figure yourself out. But if you're a guy whose gun goes off too quick, you may want to remove a bullet from the chamber before you hit the range. You see what I'm saying? But this is not Dan's problem. So Dan needs to not do that.

1:23:22🔗 Eric Balfour Dan, do you get disinterested?

1:23:25🔗 Adam Dan?

1:23:26🔗 Caller I'm here. No. Whenever you guys talk one time about some guys can save it up and it seems more sensitive and pleasurable if they don't have sex for a while, I'm more like that.

1:23:38🔗 Eric Balfour I'm a little uncomfortable with you talking about sex.

1:23:40🔗 Drew That's what we were talking about.

1:23:41🔗 Adam That's what you need to do then. Save yourself. It's all right.

1:23:45🔗 Eric Balfour Save your servant.

1:23:46🔗 Adam Yeah. Let's see. We gotta take a break. We got a lesbian here, Michelle.

1:23:52🔗 Eric Balfour I've been trying to get to this lesbian for days now.

1:23:54🔗 Adam Never had sex with a guy.

1:23:55🔗 Eric Balfour It's been like seven days I've been waiting for a lesbian.

1:23:59🔗 Adam Lesbian? Lesbian caller, Michelle?

1:24:02🔗 Yes.

1:24:03🔗 Adam You're 26.

1:24:06🔗 Caller 26, right.

1:24:07🔗 Adam You've never had sex with a guy.

1:24:08🔗 Eric Balfour So you're a lesbian.

1:24:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:24:10🔗 Caller Through and through.

1:24:12🔗 Adam And you want to know, what's your question?

1:24:15🔗 Caller My question was for Dr. Drew. I've heard that if you haven't had sex with a man that you're more likely to end up with like uterine cancer or ovarian problems. And I wonder if that was true.

1:24:26🔗 Adam Wow.

1:24:27🔗 Drew You want to answer that after the break or answer it now?

1:24:29🔗 Adam Well, we'll take a break because we'll get into strap-ons and stuff like that. And again, it's a very slippery slope. Once you start having sex with guys, then next thing you know, you're putting fire hydrants up you and then you're moving into heavy equipment and next thing you know, you're putting small cities in your vagina.

1:24:46🔗 Eric Balfour And then you're killing small children, sticking them up inside you. And that's the real problem here.

1:24:50🔗 Adam You're educating healthy children by putting them in your vagina.

1:24:53🔗 Eric Balfour I know it's going to happen. That's why lesbians are dangerous.

1:24:56🔗 Adam We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back with our lesbian Michelle after this.

1:25:02🔗 Drew Hello, what is this? This is Loveline.

1:25:05🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:32🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. That's Dr. Drew in Florida, everybody.

1:25:38🔗 Eric Balfour How y'all doing down there?

1:25:39🔗 Adam Yeah, it is good times. Texas, The Texas, Chainsaw Massacre, which is coming out tomorrow, is a remake of the original.

1:25:50🔗 Eric Balfour Yes.

1:25:51🔗 Adam And this is, for those of you who haven't seen the original, very gritty movie, dark and gritty.

1:25:56🔗 Eric Balfour And the funnest part about this movie that I've been seeing is once you go see it once, you know, all the parts that you jumped out of and scared you, the best thing is taking your buddy or your girlfriend or whoever and going to see it again, because then you get to watch their torture and their torment. That's a really good time.

1:26:11🔗 Adam You know, movies like, like to me, there's the whole startling thing, which is the scariest part of any scary movie. A lot of movies have left behind, like Halloween was one of those movies.

1:26:23🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah.

1:26:24🔗 Adam Just, that guy would come jumping out from around every corner. That part where Jamie Lee Curtis was like sitting on the sofa and thought it was all over and then he popped up from behind the sofa. Texas, at least the original Texas Chainsaw Masker had a whole bunch of that pop out stuff where you just crap yourself.

1:26:41🔗 Eric Balfour I would sit around with Michael Bay and Andrew Foreman, Brad Fuller, the producers, while they would sit and go, the entire theater jumped out of their seats. I mean, that was the, that was their biggest thrill, was getting entire audiences to just lunge out of their chairs. Those are some really good ones.

1:26:55🔗 Adam I went on a, I was with a chick named Phyllis in, in high school. I liked her. She didn't like me, but for some reason we were at Halloween, the movie, and one of those scenes where, what's his name, Jace Freddie. What the hell's the holiday?

1:27:10🔗 Eric Balfour Michael Myers.

1:27:10🔗 Adam Michael. When Michael jumped out from the helmet, she ripped a fart. And you know what it's like when a 16 year old chick just rips one in a, in a packed theater, like me and that 11 people in our circle, everyone is like, oh Phil is just blew in.

1:27:30🔗 Eric Balfour It's something about being 16. I was 16.

1:27:32🔗 Adam Ultimate compliment for a scary movie though, Rippin Gas for a woman. Tampon Flying. Tampon Flying Out would definitely be great. That's one of the highest compliments.

1:27:40🔗 Eric Balfour I'm gonna see if we can, you know what we've been doing is watching the audiences with night vision goggles.

1:27:45🔗 Adam Oh really?

1:27:46🔗 Eric Balfour It's really fun. If I see any tampons I'll call you.

1:27:49🔗 Adam It's like Haley's Comet. They got a tail.

1:27:51🔗 Eric Balfour You know when I was 16 the first time my buddy took me to a strip joint and it was this broke joint place. Where? It was over on near Western and Sunset, it's not even there anymore. And one of the strippers shed like brackets missing from her braces.

1:28:05🔗 Adam Jumbo's Clown Room?

1:28:06🔗 Eric Balfour It wasn't Jumbo's, it was even before that.

1:28:08🔗 Adam I don't know it, I just hear.

1:28:09🔗 Eric Balfour This girl was doing like the butt dance in her face thing and just literally farted right in our face. It was the worst thing, I couldn't believe it. And we tried to pretend like it didn't happen at first until she turned around and put her hand over her mouth and was like, oops. Ruined it for me.

1:28:27🔗 Adam Yeah, I know, that's Fartlina, that's her thing.

1:28:30🔗 Eric Balfour Yeah.

1:28:30🔗 Adam That's what she does.

1:28:31🔗 Eric Balfour It's like Bridget the Midget.

1:28:32🔗 Adam The Asian dudes dig that big time. All right, now we were going to talk to.

1:28:36🔗 Eric Balfour We were talking to a lesbian who never screwed a guy.

1:28:37🔗 Adam Michelle, that's right.

1:28:38🔗 Eric Balfour Which by definition would make, well I guess would make her lesbian if she never screwed a guy.

1:28:42🔗 Adam Michelle?

1:28:43🔗 Caller Yes?

1:28:44🔗 Adam Yeah. Never been curious about the guys?

1:28:48🔗 Caller No, not really. Just dated a couple of guys but never went all the way.

1:28:54🔗 Adam Did you have some horribly abusive father?

1:28:57🔗 Caller No. No, my dad's cool. We get along fine. You're a lesbian.

1:29:00🔗 Adam You guys wrench on cars all day and lament about the cubs.

1:29:05🔗 Caller I did take out a shop in high school.

1:29:06🔗 Adam Shocking. Shocking.

1:29:08🔗 Caller I was the only girl in class.

1:29:09🔗 Adam Shocking.

1:29:10🔗 Drew So this thing about uterine and ovarian tumors, I've never heard of such a thing. I wonder if you're confused.

1:29:16🔗 Eric Balfour Wouldn't the biggest risk, Drew, be from HPV or something like that?

1:29:19🔗 Drew No, no, no. Well, that's not being lesbian. She's saying somehow by not having sex with a male, I can't imagine how that would be the case, how you put yourself by not having sex at risk, except women that don't have pregnancies or don't have them at an early age or at higher risk for breast cancer.

1:29:36🔗 Eric Balfour The sliding slopers would be safe.

1:29:37🔗 Drew So maybe that's the thing that got translated into ovarian or uterine cancer. I've never heard of anything else, though.

1:29:44🔗 Adam You have you have a girlfriend, Michelle? Yeah, I do. You guys have a strap on?

1:29:49🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:50🔗 Adam You do?

1:29:50🔗 Eric Balfour You do. Really?

1:29:51🔗 Adam I'm guessing you're wearing it.

1:29:54🔗 Caller Now we trade off.

1:29:55🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:29:56🔗 Caller Sure. It's a very balanced relationship.

1:29:59🔗 Adam 50-50 on the strap on.

1:30:00🔗 Eric Balfour You know, I have a question.

1:30:01🔗 Caller 70-30.

1:30:02🔗 Adam Yeah. You're on the 70 side, right?

1:30:04🔗 Eric Balfour Michelle, I got a question.

1:30:06🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, because you're the dude.

1:30:08🔗 Eric Balfour Wait, I want to gain some knowledge here. Of what I've seen in film and in cinema of the strap ons, how do they stay kind of, like erect, basically? I mean, I understand they're fairly hard, but they just, they seem, how do you get any real timing going with them? They just don't seem to stay up very well in place. Do you have to kind of hold on to them, or what do you do?

1:30:32🔗 Caller You can hang on to it. They have some ones that just strap on to your leg, onto your thigh, so that's a pretty solid base.

1:30:39🔗 Adam They got the belt and double thigh.

1:30:41🔗 Eric Balfour Oh, belt and double thigh, kind of like the Han Solo hip holster.

1:30:44🔗 Adam That's what it is.

1:30:45🔗 Eric Balfour That's right. Nice. What do you look like, Michelle?

1:30:49🔗 Caller About 5'6, 124.

1:30:53🔗 Eric Balfour Beautiful blonde hair.

1:30:54🔗 Adam Yeah. You ever forget and wear the strap on into work? Like let's say you guys have a little early morning lovemaking session, and you're in a rush, and you hustle out of the house, you got this big black dildo strapped to you, and you're just going about your way.

1:31:08🔗 Eric Balfour Why is the dildo black? Just out of curiosity.

1:31:10🔗 Adam Because they're bigger. Oh. They don't have the technology to make the white ones big enough yet.

1:31:16🔗 Eric Balfour But she's a lesbian. She has no firm reference to that.

1:31:19🔗 Caller My strap on has never had to call into a radio show about going limp.

1:31:24🔗 Adam What color is your strap on?

1:31:26🔗 Eric Balfour Just put us all out of business, Michelle. Thank you.

1:31:28🔗 Drew Blue.

1:31:30🔗 Adam It's either pink, purple, or black. Which is it?

1:31:33🔗 Caller One's pink and one's purple.

1:31:35🔗 Adam All right.

1:31:36🔗 Caller I guess I haven't moved up to the black one yet.

1:31:39🔗 Drew Where do those colors come from, Adam? What is that?

1:31:40🔗 Eric Balfour We'll get to work, damn it.

1:31:42🔗 Drew Is it the universal strap on colors? What was it?

1:31:44🔗 Adam The pink and the purple because they like the notion of a penis, but they don't want to make it too penis-like or it'll freak them out because lesbians, part of it is being freaked out by guys. I mean, part of it is digging chicks and then part of it is being freaked out by penis. So if you actually took a flesh-colored phallus and you painted veins on it and stuff and then you strapped it to a chick and she had a couple of mindful issues, she could freak on you.

1:32:06🔗 Eric Balfour But have you ever seen that on HBO Real Sex when the little Spanish ladies are painting the veins on the dildos? Oh my god. This one is very nice.

1:32:13🔗 Adam Do you see the... I have been to a serious dildo sweat shop in the San Fernando Valley.

1:32:21🔗 Eric Balfour Dude, there's all these little Spanish ladies just painting dildos all day and they like rubbing them and...

1:32:26🔗 Adam It's comical because they're like Guatemalan women who are in their 60s and they're just putting fake pubes on cyberskin snatches, you know, as they go down a conveyor belt. It's like, it's a living, that's the bubble over all their heads. And like, I always figured it was like Swedish chicks in nurses' outfits that were testing each one. Uh-uh. I mean, it could be just knock-off Gucci purses coming down there, it could be anything. It could be anything. Here's the deal, everything that's under, everything that's smaller than a toaster and has more than three components is made by some small third-world women in their 60s. That's all you need to know. So before you strap it on or put it in your mouth, figure its journey.

1:33:12🔗 Eric Balfour Michelle, just make sure you think, you know, next time you see a Guatemalan woman on the street, say thank you.

1:33:17🔗 Adam Yeah, that's right. Or you do what I do. Peel off a five and give it to her. Nice job. The pubes are staying, cyber skin feels great.

1:33:25🔗 Eric Balfour That's true.

1:33:26🔗 Adam It's not chafing. It's adjustable. It's nice. All right. Well, uh, Drew?

1:33:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:33:32🔗 Adam Yeah, good times.

1:33:32🔗 Drew I'm just so proud of the show tonight.

1:33:34🔗 Adam Just proud. Eric brings out the best in me.

1:33:37🔗 Eric Balfour I thought the header was really the high point.

1:33:39🔗 Adam We're gonna take ourselves a little break. By the way, that was not a sexual reference.

1:33:44🔗 Eric Balfour No, it was not.

1:33:46🔗 Adam We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

1:33:48🔗 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:33:51🔗 Caller So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:33:54🔗 Caller Why can't I meet anybody?

1:33:55🔗 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell? So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:33:58🔗 Caller And I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:34:01🔗 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:34:03🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:41🔗 Adam Well, that's the week and that's the show. I want to thank Eric Balfour for coming in here tonight.

1:34:46🔗 Eric Balfour Thank you for having me.

1:34:47🔗 Adam You are a delight. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre coming out Friday.

1:34:52🔗 Eric Balfour Friday night. Go see it. Go see it five times.

1:34:54🔗 Drew It's a great movie. You're really incredible. Adam, we haven't had enough time to talk, so we'll have a little less time on the way home.

1:35:00🔗 Adam Yeah. You call me on my phone, Drew. We'll get caught up.

1:35:03🔗 Drew Good time.

1:35:03🔗 Adam Yes. You will blast out a tampon even if you're a guy.

1:35:07🔗 Eric Balfour Even if you're a guy and you happen to have one up your butt, it will come out. It's coming out.

1:35:12🔗 Adam I want to thank Engineer Chris for doing a great job here. I want to thank Engineer Michelle for doing a great job filming for Engineer Chris. I want to thank Engineer Anderson back at Home Base at Westwood 1 over there, the Magic Fingered one. I want to thank Junior, Junior Producer Lauren for doing a fantabulous job all week and Senior Producer, and until next time. This is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew. Oh, wait a minute. Phone screen of terror, don't call me Tara, god damn it. And Skinny Brian for doing a great job on the phones all week long. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Don't bother coming back from Florida. You just stay there with all your deadbeat dads and your devil's triangles.

1:36:00🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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