1:13🔗
Voiceover
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew, over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist.
1:30🔗
Adam
You see that? How many nights don't I want coffee? That's the question we should all be asking ourselves.
1:38🔗
Adam
Look, it's hard not to look like a prick when you're talking and trying to get somebody to do something that's completely different than what you're talking about. All you got is those hand things. There's no hand please.
2:01🔗
Christopher Titus
It's got an edge to it too and I like about it too. Hey, behind every good man is a woman kicking his butt. Yeah, they don't play around the fox. They push the envelope. And you know, they're the Chuck Yeager of comedy.
2:17🔗
Christopher Titus
You need a brain vacation. Oh, man, I see now the difference between me and you is that I would just do, well, I guess we're not doing that.
2:24🔗
Adam
Oh, to be, and then, Drew, how many times did I pull, oh, not pull you aside, just yelled at everyone, this is horrible.
2:30🔗
Drew
No, you said, you said, listen, give me a couple seconds to get something going here. I will save you from yourselves.
2:43🔗
Adam
Okay, sir. My condescending, I'm going to save you from yourself line, is worn thin with many a Hollywood executive. There could be nothing more insulting really. It's even worse than you suck. It's like you're retarded and you don't know it.
2:56🔗
Christopher Titus
Exactly. Before you hurt yourself with the sharp jokes. You know, let me get in there and help you.
3:17🔗
Because you're like the coolest.
3:19🔗
No.
3:20🔗
You are your king of cool.
3:22🔗
All right, whatever.
3:23🔗
Oh, my God.
3:26🔗
Oh, my God.
3:29🔗
Adam
Okay. All right. Now, Drew, are you done? And Drew, you should not be talking because I was the only person in the room who repeatedly raised his hand and said, What are we doing?
3:38🔗
Adam
Drew, tell Chris what we did in media training. When they tried to give us media training class.
3:48🔗
Adam
Media training. A lot of people don't know about this, but I would imagine you would use it if, hold on, if you became a politician, you were thrust into the limelight without any former experience.
4:00🔗
Drew
Some sort of wood shop for talking? No, you need it where you've got to refine a message. Where you, someone, you guys tell me your message and they refine it for you. Well, this was, no, no, no, this was, we're going to teach you how to talk on camera and answer questions. And you basically told them to kiss your ass, I remember. I think it was something stronger than that.
4:21🔗
Christopher Titus
Kiss your ass is a pretty clean message, though. I mean, they move you over to the next level.
4:30🔗
Adam
Well, anyway, third season, still going strong. Jesus, what a success. And it was a show that, now, it's just not me if I'm wrong, came out of the gates pretty good. Then there was a little question, like, where's this show going? And then back, it's not going to hell.
4:50🔗
Christopher Titus
A lot of promo. They moved us on Monday night. We got successful. They moved us Tuesday. We built an audience. Got successful. They moved us to Wednesday at 9.30. And I think their plan is to slowly kill the show off over five years. We'll make syndication. I won't be able to renegotiate because they'll go, hey, look, what happened? You got no numbers. Please. So it's, I don't know. We're on 9.30 after Bernie Mac, now Wednesday's now. And hold on by our fingertips, frankly. I like you keep saying hit show. Keep saying that.
5:28🔗
Christopher Titus
We get some good episodes about Tommy's. Tommy's. We find out why Tommy. Tommy's not gay, although the character on the show, everybody thinks he is. We come out and find out that his dad is. His dad finally comes out and that's why he was raised by this effeminate guy. You're yawning. What is that? I only talk about my show. Move on. Let's talk about someone's penis right now. Just get the phone. Let's get to someone's penis.
5:43🔗
I'm just tired.
5:51🔗
Christopher Titus
He's brilliant. He's not, like once again, still off the drugs and the coke, which is good. Not drinking. We had David Carradine on the show. Actually, for Christmas episode, we burned down a houseboat and sink it. The Christmas present is basically, Titus' Christmas present to Aaron is to get dad isolated so she could force Christmas down his throat, because he hates Christmas. And what ends up happening is he's out there with his buddy David Carradine, and they're puking and throwing up, so we actually make dad believe that he killed his best friend so he can actually get to Christmas spirit.
6:21🔗
Adam
I love it when something on water burns. I find it ironic but compelling and kind of humorous at the same time.
6:30🔗
Adam
You know, once in a while that happens, stuff in the middle of the ocean catches on fire, a cruise ship or something. I just find it bizarre that something that's afloat is on fire.
6:44🔗
Christopher Titus
The relaxing part is you can watch it because you know nothing really is going to go wrong. It's just going to burn to the water and it's going to go out.
6:49🔗
Christopher Titus
It's not like it's going to catch the next house on fire, the next boat is going to spread to boat to boat, the whole ocean is going to be burning. You can watch it. You can sit back, get a Coke, watch the whole thing burn.
7:03🔗
You should know though.
7:15🔗
Manuel.
7:17🔗
Yeah. I wanted to call to say that I've been with this girl for a year and a half.
7:24🔗
Two weeks ago, she has basketball practice. After basketball practice, I just stopped by there, and I started kissing one of her best friends.
7:38🔗
No, she did.
7:39🔗
Yeah, but I just like made it as an assistant, just like ran. Or not run, but I didn't say anything.
7:49🔗
They were making out.
7:53🔗
No, like kind of like outside the gym.
7:58🔗
No, I don't think she saw me.
8:01🔗
No, is that I have drama practice?
8:12🔗
Yeah.
8:15🔗
We did already. It was called a Brave Look at Terror.
8:20🔗
A Brave Look at Terror.
8:24🔗
Both. No.
8:29🔗
It was about the September 11th thing, a student's response.
8:40🔗
Adam
We were doing plays like about Lincoln and stuff when I was in high school. You guys are doing stuff that happened three weeks ago. All right. So you saw her making out. Well, maybe the chick had a good game and that was just her way of saying that.
8:58🔗
I don't know. It was just like a make out like any like.
9:05🔗
When I saw her, I just couldn't believe it.
9:09🔗
Of us? Yeah. Yeah, it was going great.
9:13🔗
Yeah, it's been good.
9:15🔗
Oh, how long? Like a year and a half.
9:18🔗
Adam
Yeah. He's no good when he gets off script. You know what I'm saying? Hey, Emmanuel, why don't you just ask her about it? About what?
9:28🔗
I don't know. I think I feel weird or something.
9:36🔗
But don't you think I should break up with her or just...
9:43🔗
Drew
I think if this is true, which there's a certain edge of, certain stench of bogosity here in this call. Yeah.
9:52🔗
Yeah, it's been good.
9:53🔗
Drew
Yeah. Go talk to her about it. Give her a chance to explain what's going on and find out what the hell is up with your relationship with her. That's all. Very simple.
9:59🔗
Okay.
10:07🔗
Christopher Titus
Then again, no matter what, if you're a football player and they said, yeah, we're going to do Look Back at Terror and you knew what it was about, you'd be like, hey, I'm in.
10:12🔗
Adam
Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, I'll play on Firefire. Well, they hung up because we got rid of him, Drew.
10:18🔗
Yeah, it's been good.
10:22🔗
Yes, sir.
10:25🔗
Well, I'm involved with a girl, or I was involved with a girl that I met while I was at work several, I mean, that was almost a year ago. She and I got involved, she had another boyfriend that was living in a state where she had originally been born and raised and stuff like that. And he didn't know what was going on between her and I at the time, guilty conscience, whatever the situation was, she told him. So he basically gave her an ultimatum and left me out to dangle in the dust. I was kind of left out as you can't see him, you can't talk to him or anything like that.
11:06🔗
Drew
Yeah. Go to the next question. Next question. Pass. Well, I said it was two sentences, that is the worst story telling I've ever heard.
11:18🔗
Adam
I didn't know what he was saying. I looked down at Christopher's bio and I was reading he had a half pipe in his backyard and I looked back up again and I didn't know where I was. Where were we? What happened?
11:29🔗
Drew
He threw in so much detail that was motivated from a place that he expected us a priori to understand, details about how he was left out in the cold and about guilt and about what was motivating the various players here that were irrelevant to us. We just needed to know the facts, just what is the history here.
12:02🔗
She and I have recently started talking again.
12:06🔗
Drew
Let me make sure I got the history straight. You dated a girl who had a boyfriend. She told him about whatever. This is the whatever part.
12:17🔗
Drew
He found out. She told him. He said make a choice. She chose him. Right. That's all we needed to know, okay?
12:24🔗
Drew
Where they were living, what their zip code was, all that stuff. I know it's important to you. Not important to us.
12:33🔗
Well, and then they broke up.
12:39🔗
Several months now, about two months.
12:40🔗
Drew
So it would be kind of natural that you guys might get back together. Maybe this is a chance for this relationship.
12:45🔗
Well, and see, that's the thing is after having discussed it, she wants to kind of play the friend's angle.
12:55🔗
Well, yeah.
12:56🔗
But my problem is, is I want more to happen.
12:59🔗
Drew
I understand, but you've been waiting patiently as the friend waiting for this moment to pounce and here you are.
13:07🔗
Drew
She may not be interested and or there is a slight chance that she is just not ready because she just come out of a relationship that she had good intention.
13:15🔗
Adam
No, no, no. She had a shot at him a while back. She chose another guy instead. Then they broke up. She was in a bad place. She thought about it for a heartbeat. When she's just not that interested in DJ. So DJ.
13:30🔗
Yes, sir.
13:30🔗
Adam
Here's basically what you're doing and it works sometimes. I know Christopher loves cars, so I'll work that angle.
13:39🔗
Adam
Sometimes a car rolls off the showroom out of the factory that you're really in love with. You just can't afford it. So you got to wait for it to put on a few miles, get a little rust, maybe go from one owner to the next owner to the next owner, and then eventually you slide in because you can get a good deal on it because it's got a couple of things in it. It's got a few miles on it. That's right. Now, what happens is she came out of the factory. He was in to her, went to the first owner, still didn't drop enough. The blue book was still a little too high.
14:10🔗
Adam
This guy only had her for a year and a half, only put a few miles on her, and she still got pretty good resale value. Not low enough for DJ yet.
14:18🔗
Adam
She can go to a few more owners. Hopefully, she gets pregnant or something or loses a limb somewhere in there. Yeah, that's like being totaled out or being driven into a lake or something.
14:28🔗
Christopher Titus
She'll pick the wrong guy, get some sort of deformity, bam, boom, she's right in your league.
14:33🔗
Adam
I got it. I get what you're saying. That's what I'm saying. She loses a limb to tuberculosis or something. All of a sudden, the price is right.
14:44🔗
Adam
She's 22, 23, probably cute, riding high. We've all done this. I know Drew doesn't like talking about this on the air, but we have all, as a guy, it's one of the greatest things you can do, especially as you go on in your career, if you make a few more bucks and you get a few nice toys and things like that, you will eventually run into some chick that you were hot for just out of high school or maybe in high school, or in my case, up until I was like 29 and a half, because I still was living with a bunch of roommates and doing nothing. They didn't give you the time of day, but now you see them six, seven, eight years later, things are going a little better for you. They got a couple miles on them and the worm has turned. Do you see what I'm saying?
15:27🔗
Christopher Titus
I had a girl that I dated. Her father took me aside once and said, you're going to be a stand-up comic. Two percent of people in show business make it. You're done. You can't see my daughter anymore. Boom, she broke up with me. I get a letter at my office at the studio.
15:39🔗
Christopher Titus
Like three weeks ago. Basically from her friends. Yeah, Lynn would like to talk to you. Maybe be on your show. Maybe you could like. I was like, yeah. I showed my wife. I was like, ah, there is a joy. I got to admit, there is a joy.
15:52🔗
Christopher Titus
Her dad owned a company, like a coffee machine company and he was a big shot guy and he said, I was stupid. He goes, you're throwing your life away. I thought about that when I was driving my Viper.
16:10🔗
Adam
You get drunk and start yelling for everyone to kiss your ass and pounding your fist on a console. It's great. It's a great feeling. Once in a while, what happens is, when they're on the way down and you're on the way up, you cross. And you can date for a while, as long as you're crossing. But if you let too much time go by and they're too low, or they're still too high and you're too low, however it goes, it's not going to work. I would bet you, DJ, all you can do right now is work on your own ass.
16:46🔗
Christopher Titus
DJ, the reality is, blow her off, man. A lot of chicks want to hold on to that one guy. My brother just had this happen for a year. It took him 14 months to get over this girl. And basically what she's doing right now, man, she's hanging on to you because she knows that whatever guy dicks her over, she can go right to you and you can pick up the pieces and you can smooth the rough edges and then she's going to go, oh, we're just friends. She's going to move on, man. Blow her off, get a little bit in your price range, get some finance and do what you can.
17:10🔗
Adam
You become like some sort of mash unit. You put them back together, give them a few days rest, get some plasma in them and then send them back out again.
17:24🔗
Caller
That's good. Okay. I'm just going to give you the facts, okay? All right. Today, my girlfriend and I, for the first time we had sex, I wore a condom and we didn't go all the way because she said it was too sore for it, so I quit. I'm not certain if I came or not.
17:46🔗
Drew
And when males have a condom on, a receptacle there, there is usually evidence of a gene.
17:51🔗
Caller
Confetti. At the end, I knew it was there, but during the whole thing, I couldn't tell.
18:16🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah. The whole point of the condom is to retain the sperm so they don't get pregnant. Christopher makes a very good point. Is that on the package?
18:28🔗
Christopher Titus
It just seems odd that you would find some sexual aid that actually took the feeling away and put that on. It does stop pregnancy. Right. Right.
18:37🔗
Adam
Well, I'm not saying you're wrong, but for me, I like the extra width I get out of it. I get about 25, 30% more width out of my penis.
18:45🔗
Christopher Titus
If you double, triple them up, you get a lot more longer. You can go longer.
18:47🔗
Adam
Well, what I'll do is I'll take the extra three, four inches at the end and double it back over, like some guys wear their socks.
18:53🔗
Drew
Why don't you discuss a little bit, too, the guys that don't like to wear condoms or who lose erection with condom, what your solution is.
19:04🔗
Adam
Put it on. I know this sounds retarded. Like many of my ideas such as the venereal sniffing dogs and things like that all sound retarded. But this one, I think, makes sense. If you have difficulty getting a condom on and you have trouble in that little interim between the time it's time to put the condom on, the time you're going to have sex and a lot of guys lose it in that period and they're not used to it. I mean, if you think about most squirrely 17-year-olds, you put a condom on twice a year. You've got a couple of Mickey's Big Mouths in you. The only thing going in the room is like a strobe light and your focus is all off. You need to grab a handful of condoms in practice, putting them on alone. I know it sounds ridiculous, but why not? You can get a handful of them at the Planned Parenthood or wherever you go. Probably the, I think, like video stores. Every place has them. Just grab a handful in the fish bowl on the way out and burn a few of them when you're alone.
19:59🔗
Christopher Titus
And also do scenarios, too, because pretend you're at your buddy's house at a party and his parents could be home at any moment. You got to have this mental scenarios on top of it. There you go, a little bit of stress. Practice condoms. That's good.
20:16🔗
Adam
That's a good point. You get one of your buddies stand outside the door and start banging on it.
20:20🔗
Drew
I see a new product here, the Delta Condom, Delta Force, with the bullseye on the packet.
20:27🔗
Adam
You do a whole training thing. You get to the point where you can hear a shotgun pump and still squeeze one off.
20:41🔗
Adam
It is true because these guys are fumbling around, they're all distracted, they're freaked out. You just get your penis used to that condom and it kind of takes a little figure out sometimes.
20:50🔗
Christopher Titus
It would also make you look a lot cooler to the woman guys. Although Adam is joking and very funny, Adam, may I add?
20:59🔗
Christopher Titus
If you got smooth with it, if you got smooth with it, that would impress chicks too.
21:06🔗
Christopher Titus
My wife laughed a lot at the beginning. At the beginning, we've been together 15 years now, at the beginning she was like, what are you doing? Give me that and she'd handle it. Right. I didn't think any further than that.
21:22🔗
Christopher Titus
I had a beautiful woman playing with my private areas, and I don't lose erections at that point.
21:35🔗
You really are.
21:39🔗
Caller
I tried to call in last night, but I didn't get through. You guys were talking about how long you wait when a girl tells you, she'll give you a certain thing at a certain point.
21:48🔗
Adam
Yeah, someone was calling in last night saying they promised a BJ to their boyfriend at the nine-month mark of the relationship. I would involve myself in another relationship for eight and a half months and then come back.
22:04🔗
Caller
Right. And I don't know if this is the game that they come up with, but I got this girlfriend who everything is good about her, except she doesn't lubricate well and she won't let me go down on her.
22:18🔗
Adam
Does she have a zert fitting? Yeah, some sort of. Little car humor for Christopher over there.
22:41🔗
Wow.
22:44🔗
Adam
Hold on a second, Joel. This may not be good, by the way, so just. I see someone who's been victimized here.
22:57🔗
Drew
Little energy, but it may be someone who does care and wants to take it systematically, wants to make sure the relationship's going.
23:03🔗
Adam
34-year-old women do not stop guys from going down on them. They could be at Wimbledon. They would let a guy go down on them.
23:12🔗
Adam
Okay. Christopher Titus is our guest. Titus. I was trying to think of a well-lit, regal place. Well-lit level surface. Yeah. Titus on Wednesday nights, 9.30 on Fox. We'll take a little break and we'll be right back.
24:02🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Who's that? Uva-Snank? Is that them? Yeah, that's right. That's right. It's my theme. I forgot who sung my theme song. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus. Morning. 930 Wednesday nights on Fox. And Drew, why do you keep calling here?
25:14🔗
Adam
No. When people hear factual information come from the show, they attribute it to Drew immediately. But a 34 year old woman who doesn't want to be gone down upon.
25:58🔗
Adam
And this kind of thing is, this leaves scars that go on. They don't go away unless you work on them. And if she's not going to work on them and you as her partner, you're going to be in for a tough road to hoe with this woman. Right. So you can, and you got two choices. I mean, if you think you're going to be in for the long haul and sort of become a father figure to the kids and all that kind of stuff, you got to encourage her to get a little help.
26:44🔗
Caller
Yeah, you know, I thought that going in but then things kind of went good real quick, you know?
26:53🔗
Christopher Titus
My question is, is that have you talked to her about this at all? Is it because of the molestation that she's not let you do this?
26:59🔗
Caller
I don't know. She just kind of, she kind of blows it off when we kind of go that, when I, you know, start that and then, you know, I mean, you know, that's usually in the heat of passion and everything else heats up after that, you know.
27:17🔗
Christopher Titus
So you're fine after she grabs your head and throws you off the bed and then you go back to whatever you can get away with. Is that what you're saying?
27:23🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, let me tell you how I treat oral sex with a woman. I treat the same way I treat a check when I go out to eat with a few guys, which is I reach for it and if somebody says, no, I got it, I go, it's all yours, buddy. Now, start blowing. Yeah, but I'll make that first move, but I'm not going to fight the guy over the $45 check, let him pick it up, but you should make the move. I think a lot of guys will do this. They'll go, you want some of this? No, thanks. All right, fine. We'll get back to humping.
27:53🔗
Christopher Titus
But now you're actually emotionally involved and you're actually concerned about it a little bit.
28:04🔗
Adam
It's the same way at the four-way stop sign, which is I'll give the guy the go ahead and if he gives me the go ahead, I'm gone. I don't get into that bidding war with the guy. No, you go. No, you go. Then you both inch out and stop.
28:18🔗
Christopher Titus
Well, then you get mad. Then it's like, we'll get out and then you want to fight the guy.
28:26🔗
Hi.
28:29🔗
I was just wondering if Dr. Drew had heard anything about drug use affecting, having birth, causing birth defects in genital, in like little boy's genitals.
28:46🔗
Actually, my sister has two little boys and both of them have been born with defects. The first son, and I know this isn't terribly uncommon, his testicles were not descended, but what they were actually concerned with was his, I think his pituitary gland does not function correctly. His penis was extremely, extremely small, and he's on growth hormone because apparently he wouldn't necessarily grow at the normal rate. And you think, okay, that must be a fluke and what have you, but then she just had another son in August, and his penis seemed normal size, but I don't have any little boys, so I really don't know, but it did seem normal size.
29:40🔗
No, no, no. That where the, the pee does not come out the top part.
29:47🔗
The pee comes off another director.
29:49🔗
Drew
Alright, so he's got a phimosis. So, non-descent testes and phimosis are probably the two most common disorders that young boys get, and they could easily be random. I mean, those are extremely common amongst the genital abnormalities in males.
30:05🔗
Adam
You think, you don't think it's a drug related? My mom did, she was hooked on something called small c*** when I was, you know.
30:26🔗
Yes.
30:30🔗
Well, I have babysat them, but I really don't.
30:33🔗
But just discussing it with my sister.
30:48🔗
Caller
Oh, no, no, no. I meant that we just, obviously she's concerned because she feels like her sons are going to have a lesser quality life, that they might not be able to find.
30:56🔗
Drew
The phimosis is going to be a zero. That's going to be nothing. The non-descended testes, they're going to have to bring them down, and they're going to have to be supplemented if he has some damage of the testes. The pituitary thing that you're talking about is interesting, but that's the thing that's the major thing here. I don't know what that is.
31:14🔗
Adam
You know what this is like? This is like saying I'm worried about the social implications of a mulatto child being brought up in this world, and what the school board and the kids would say when the mixed couples showed up, and it's like, oh, is your family? No, no, no.
31:46🔗
Caller
Oh, somebody said something a few weeks ago like, well, does her husband do drugs? Because they had heard that there was a medical study indicating a link, and I blew it off, and I was like, no, no, not at all.
32:02🔗
But then I remember my brother.
32:14🔗
Caller
But he may, because you start recalling things later, it's like, well, wait a minute, he was talking about one of his really good friends from work and how they do drugs, and then I remember my brother saying years ago that he knew that at one point my brother-in-law did do drugs.
32:36🔗
Adam
No, no, Heather. No, you can't. We spent too much time talking about drug addicts. It never were. You squandered that.
32:47🔗
Caller
Okay. I was at the grocery store with my husband the other day, and he was putting our baby on the carousel. And he highly respects Adam and his opinion to this. And I asked him to please stop putting the baby on the carousel because it is a safety issue.
33:03🔗
Caller
Yes. And two, that I feel like if you allow a child to continue doing a behavior, you're showing them it's okay. Then when they're four or five and they're crawling up there and you're mad at them and going, what the hell are you thinking?
33:23🔗
Caller
And I said, well, I don't... He said that I need to lighten up and I said, you know, I don't think that you should... What's a carousel?
33:40🔗
Caller
Rolls up there. As she gets closer, he picks her up, puts her back. I said, I don't think that's very safe for one. Secondly, I think it's teaching a child that it's okay to misbehave like that in public. Then when they get older, you're going to scold them for doing exactly the same.
34:02🔗
Drew
Okay, you're going to have to really lay off when the potty training comes around, okay?
34:07🔗
Drew
Because she's going to be convinced that this child is going to be pooing in his pants when he's 16. She's going to insist that he get his potty training out of control now. I mean, his cousin puts her on a conveyor belt and lets her goof around. That is not a volitional behavior prior to the child towards some evil doing.
34:22🔗
Adam
Well, listen, the conveyor belt misconduct is going to pale in comparison to the kid's goth and the eating disorder life.
34:32🔗
Christopher Titus
And the die mom die written in a room in her own blood. That's me. Lighten up, mom.
34:45🔗
Adam
Sending a message to the child that it's okay to ride upon adults as a form of transportation.
34:54🔗
Adam
Yeah. Jumping on strangers yelling, mosh. Thinking that that is a reliable form of transportation. Hitting her head on door jams. Lighten up, baby. All the drugs in the conveyor belts. Carousel. Rich?
35:12🔗
Yes.
35:14🔗
Hey, yeah. I had a question for Dr. Drew, actually. I have to take a drug test. Last weekend, I did several different drugs.
35:26🔗
Last weekend, as in a couple of days ago.
35:29🔗
In about a month.
35:35🔗
Caller
My question was, I've been smoking pot for probably about the last five years, kind of on a daily basis.
35:42🔗
Right.
35:45🔗
A urine test.
35:58🔗
It's for a driving job.
36:02🔗
A library.
36:08🔗
All right.
36:09🔗
Christopher Titus
I picked you up in a town car, kind of stalled out of his mind, got the job, then he started again.
36:14🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, there you go. That's what I say. I say smoke to the day. You know why? It'll meld you out. You'll do better on the test.
36:21🔗
Adam
You're at your best when you're baked, Rich. No, Rich, listen. Here's the deal, Rich. You sound like an intelligent guy.
36:29🔗
Adam
But yet, you're 30 years old and you're trying to get a gig driving a town car. Do you know what I mean? That means life is probably not worked out according to plan.
36:47🔗
Christopher Titus
That's a guy who smokes a lot of pot. That's opening up his own business and going to drug test himself.
36:50🔗
Drew
That's marijuana addiction. What Adam is trying to get you to do is motivate you to deal with that first.
37:01🔗
Adam
Good. Fine. Do that. Go to MA and get off the weed, and then you'll take your test in two months and everything will come out great, and you'll have a wonderful life driving around horrible people to the airport. Owning your own business. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus on Fox, Wednesday nights, 9.30 and we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. He stars in the show with his own name, which you know you've arrived. Big billboard up, I see, in Studio City.
38:27🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah, it's better than having your name written on tennis shoes. 9.30, Wednesday night on Fox, and I like Chris because you stomp me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing you're one of these guys, you wanted money and wanted to make some money, not so you could get laid or do a bunch of blow but so you could buy cars.
38:44🔗
Christopher Titus
That's right, buy hot cars and actually get my drag racing license. I actually raced at the World Finals come last weekend. I had to race the DJ, you know, like me on the track, like with the top fuelers, I got some friends that actually race top fuelers, so I raced Super Compu, 175 mile an hour dragster, but I raced the DJ. So we were like the wheelie car, you know, the drag races have the wheelie car, the guy that jumps something while they're waiting for the big rounds to happen. I was like the wheelie car guy. Christopher Titus and Big Joe Benson.
39:13🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, I got a license. I actually have an NHL. I have an NHL competition license signed by Shirley Moldowney and Don Garlett.
39:18🔗
Adam
Oh my God. Shirley Cha Cha Moldowney, Big Daddy Don Garlett. Some go, some blow. I miss drag racing and I miss the commercials where they go, they'll all be there. The Texan, Billy McEwen, TV Tommy Ivo, Shirley Cha Cha Moldowney. Big Daddy says he's taken that trophy on this year.
39:41🔗
Shirley's got other ideas.
39:53🔗
That's right.
39:56🔗
Adam
Wheel pounding, ground, stop and action. He'll blow your socks off. Yeah, and qualification during the day. Eliminations under the lights. And it really gets good when they start weaving in the other stuff. Pop a do-run-run on the infield singing all your favorites.
40:14🔗
Adam
English leather girls will be there, fellas, signing autographs when they get there early. Fox night, too. Come on down. Fox is free. I always wanted that job of the guy who would like, okay, Fox, Fox, Fox, ugly ho. Sorry. No, you're not. Honey, when's the last time you looked at the man? You're not a Fox. You're paying full price.
40:37🔗
Christopher Titus
Now, the reality is that you just ripped on basic sport I love, but it's great. Tony Schumacher is a friend of mine. He's actually went 333 miles an hour is now the record in a quarter mile. These guys are amazing. What they have to do is pretty amazing.
40:48🔗
Adam
I'll tell you, I was down at the winner, no, Summer Nationals last year, this year, yeah, in Pomona. Just going through the pits, they're going to close those things down eventually because they're just blowing nitro everywhere and it's deafening and it's crazy. But here's the thing. Here's what I always say about drag racing that freaks people out. You picture the most exotic car you can imagine, whether it's a Viper, whether it's a twin turbo Porsche, whether it's a Ferrari 360, whatever, the most exotic $200,000, $300,000 super car that is on the road. And you gas it up and dump that clutch and use the Formula 1 style paddle shifter on the wheel and you'll do 0-60 in 4 seconds if it's amongst the super exotic. In that same time period, the dragster is going $300,000.
41:47🔗
Adam
That is freakish because it's not like the twin-turbo Porsche is a dog. Yeah, right. Do you know what I mean? I mean, in the time that it takes the twin-turbo Porsche to get up to 72 miles an hour from standing still, the dragster is going $320,000. That's crazy because $100,000 would be hairy. $200,000 would be amazing because if you sat in the passenger seat of a Porsche while the guy revved the clutch and dumped it and laid rubber to 70 miles an hour, you'd say, geez, that's a thrill ride. But to be up over $300,000 in that same time period is mind-boggling.
42:25🔗
Christopher Titus
That's just great about our country. No one ever invaded our country because we build that kind of stuff for fun. Piss us off and see what we build. We'll build a car that goes zero to $300,000 like that. Make us mad.
42:36🔗
Adam
You want to know, make us mad. Go down and watch one of these specials on the Salt Flats. These guys are like...
42:44🔗
Adam
These Salt Flat guys are like, well, we took a three-wheel Harley. It was a trike. It was three-wheel. Then we took two blown Big Block Mopars in there. We're trying to get the record for rear-end driven. It's $435,000 is the record. We're going to see if we can get up to $450,000. These guys have got helicopter engines, turbine engines and stuff in there.
43:08🔗
Christopher Titus
But Leno's got a bike with a helicopter engine in it. Leno's got a bike with a helicopter engine. He told me that he was pulling up in front of a guy at a stoplight. It's a helicopter. It's like an old Vietnam helicopter turbine. He melted the guy's bumper behind him, in your view, because the guy pulled up real close. The exhaust, 1200 degrees in the exhaust, started melting the bumper on the guy's car, and Leno just took off. That doesn't look good. I'm going, yeah.
43:39🔗
Christopher Titus
Supposedly, there was a guy at Bonneville that actually bought a surplus rocket engine, bolted it to a station wagon, I don't know if it's an urban legend, and actually went across the stoplight. It's not what they were supposed to be, like in midsummer. The rocket just keeps going. He has no control over it. They lit it off. The guy drove the car, and he had a mountain, eventually. He disintegrated them.
44:03🔗
Hello.
44:05🔗
My name is Jack, not Jay.
44:07🔗
Yeah, Saturday night, three of my friends died. The three girls, the 14-year-old girls, that were in the back of that car.
44:18🔗
My radio is in my bedroom.
44:23🔗
All right, hold on.
44:25🔗
Adam
I'm going to save the normal Jackass stuff because of what went on with his three friends. Jack?
44:33🔗
Hello?
44:34🔗
Yeah.
44:40🔗
Yeah, Saturday night.
44:43🔗
Well, they left with this guy named Mike. He's on trial right now for two counts of rape. And he says that he got knocked out and somebody took the keys to his car and killed the people that were in the car. But that's just a bunch of bulls.
45:01🔗
Yeah, they were doing like 115 on 7th Standard Road and hit the dirt shoulder.
45:07🔗
And lost control of the car and ran into a telephone pole or something like that. And the telephone pole trapped everybody but the driver.
45:19🔗
7th Standard is in Oilville.
45:22🔗
Oilville, I'm pretty sure.
45:26🔗
No, 7th Standard.
45:30🔗
Oilville.
45:32🔗
California.
45:35🔗
Well, everybody that I know listens to you guys' radio, Loveline and stuff. So I was just letting them know that there's a car wash for the girls that died on the corner of Roberts Lane and Airport Drive.
45:52🔗
Their funerals.
45:56🔗
It's Bakersfield.
45:59🔗
Adam
All right. So, please, Ange, I'm not going to make fun of Bakersfield during their time of need. This is going to take place where? What time?
46:07🔗
Airport Drive and Roberts Lane at the Yum Yum Donuts.
46:12🔗
I don't know yet.
46:14🔗
They just died yesterday. They said they were holding a car wash either tomorrow or the day after.
46:23🔗
I haven't yet. My friend's supposed to be doing that.
46:25🔗
Adam
All right. Listen, Jack, we want to help, but you got to figure out what day it's going to be on before we tell everybody about it, right?
46:33🔗
All right.
46:36🔗
It could be tomorrow or the day after.
46:42🔗
All right.
46:46🔗
Well, the girls are supposed to be going down there at like 8 o'clock and stay there until school is out.
46:52🔗
Yeah.
46:55🔗
Yeah.
46:58🔗
Yeah.
46:59🔗
Adam
Okay. Well, I'm sorry for your loss, Jack. Give the cross street one more time in the city.
47:07🔗
It's in Bakersfield, some Robert Slane Airport Drive at the Yemem Donuts. All right.
47:12🔗
Adam
All right. So you go down there and pay a few bucks, get your car washed and help pay for the girls' funeral, right?
47:19🔗
Yeah.
47:21🔗
All right. Bye.
47:26🔗
Christopher Titus
So every town has a place. We actually lost Jim Kane, a good friend of mine. We lost him in high school. Same type of thing, man. Just got crazy on her. Actually, Jim actually was a good guy. Got out of the car on the freeway to help this lady and her two kids. I was hit by a drunk driver. But we actually went through so many. There's a place called Niles Canyon. Niles Canyon, where I grew up, was basically a place where you got drunk and you drove as fast as you could through there. Good times. My dad, here's my dad. My dad would actually cut out on Sunday. He'd cut out every article or the kids that he had. Three kids got killed and he'd cut and tape it to my bedroom door. So I'd get up on Sunday, hung over and open it. Now, the Grim Reaper's up. This is good. There'd be some story about my friends who'd get so common.
48:01🔗
Adam
All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. Christopher Titus is here, and I'll tell you about two friends of mine who burned up in a Pinto station wagon when they were 18, after this. He's actually angry. Hey, everybody, I'm Adam, that's Drew over there. Loveline's the show. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. Yeah. Titus on Wednesday nights, Fox 930. And who the hell is coming up on this show here?
49:25🔗
Adam
Oh, David Allen Grier. Funny man. That's right. Yeah, he is funny. And- And a nice guy, one of my only celebrity friends.
49:57🔗
Adam
I love to get him to vomit when he comes in here so well. Look forward to that coming up. Yeah. Who? Alex?
50:03🔗
Yeah.
50:05🔗
Yeah. Living in Oregon. Got a question, concern. Dating this wonderful girl for several months now. Having a great time, great relationship, nothing crazy about it. We were hesitant at first about sex just because I think we both wanted to wait, but jumped in and out too much. It's fine with me. Time came for a deep conversation. Apparently from a monogamous relationship in her past she had a boyfriend that cheated on her. She had herpes.
50:39🔗
Drew
I like the way people with herpes have to qualify. It's not because they're screwing around. Right. It's a monogamous relationship.
50:45🔗
It doesn't necessarily freak me out. We've had a good conversation about if, you know, we're gonna have sex and definitely gonna protect myself is obviously besides abstinence, condom is the best and is that obviously the only option?
50:59🔗
Drew
That she can go on medication to decrease the risk of viral shedding. You can make sure that if she has any symptoms at all, that you guys don't have contact.
51:06🔗
Well, she's already on, yeah, she's Arctic style tracks and all that.
51:14🔗
That was my point. I'm not concerned about if we decide to get married, then that's not a concern. Obviously, that's the person I'm gonna be with. Right. I guess my concern also is risk with children. If she's pregnant at one point, is this something that passes on to the fetus or the child?
51:29🔗
Drew
No, not the fetus. But listen, herpes is a common condition. Have you ever heard of pregnancy disasters around herpes? No, you'd hear a lot more about that. If she has a big old outbreak around the time of delivery, they would probably do a C-section. There is some risk during delivery, but they've been seeing more and more that risk is substantially less than the last time.
51:49🔗
It's been only about three months.
51:57🔗
We've been protected. My concern is that...
52:03🔗
Drew
No, they did wait. They had the big talk. He went ahead. Now he's wondering what it all means.
52:08🔗
Christopher Titus
But the child thing, though, it's only like if it gets really bad. They only do a C-section if it gets bad, like if she looks like a seen enemy or something like that.
52:41🔗
Christopher Titus
We need an apron. We need some sort of, yeah, no. My wife just gave birth, and actually it's very vivid in my mind, August 25th, so it's pretty vivid.
52:53🔗
Christopher Titus
You know, she said she actually did. They had actually given her the morphine, and then the doctor told her, he said, if you don't push, we're going to cut it off. And so I actually just kind of, I did. She actually said without my coaching, she wouldn't have, it would have took her five hours. I mean, from the time I come home after taping, the kid waited till after the taping, we were taping Friday night, boom, kid waited till like 3 a.m. in the morning Saturday. Thank you, kid. Right. So we got the taping done, and I get home, my wife is literally clutching the bed frame going, ah! She says, she goes, I think it's false labor. And I said, I don't think it's false labor. She's actually up on her fingertips and her toes arching across the bed.
53:28🔗
Christopher Titus
I go, I don't think it's false labor. So the doctor, I call the doctor, he says, he says, well, when the contractions get down to 10 minutes, call me and start bringing her in. And the next contraction was five minutes. So all the way, oh, so I get her in the truck, all the way home, she's grabbing the overhead grab handle. Right. And the console above us, and again, just arched all the way to the, all the way to the, it was pretty frightening.
53:52🔗
Christopher Titus
I am, I gotta be honest with you. I was trying to, I laughed because she'd be like, because the contractions were coming and going. And so I was like, it's like, okay, all right. And I was like, I'm like driving, looking out the window, like, okay, don't laugh. She's going to be really pissed if you laugh, don't laugh.
54:09🔗
Adam
Well, women don't know this is the reason why we don't pay attention to half the stuff they say, because we would break out laughing. Like when they go, you know, it's so bad. Tammy, did Giacomo from work? Yeah. Well, you know what she said? Yeah. Well, she, now, she intentionally, I was, she said to me, well, it's not what she said, but it was how she said it. You realize if you start listening, you would just start laughing halfway into it, and then they'd get pissed, so you try not to listen. And yet, then we're criticized for not listening, but it's really for them, right?
54:42🔗
Christopher Titus
I was real proud of her, though. She did it. She did a really good job. And that thing was peaking. If you've seen it, what do they call the meter, the contraction thing? What do they call that? The contraction thing that goes, anyway, peaked it. Like it didn't go like this. It went bink.
54:55🔗
Christopher Titus
It just pegged it like three times. And I said, guys, can we get something in her?
55:14🔗
Christopher Titus
Oh, it's just, I can't, really? Three of them, man. One was just, oh, she's holding the thing. They had a clamp on my wife on her in her private part. I didn't look what it was connected to. I just saw the end of it sticking. Barred clamp?
55:26🔗
Christopher Titus
What kind of clamp? One of the mash clamps that Hawkeye used to use. And she grabs, and the kid, we come out and the kid actually latched on and was grabbing it, wouldn't let go when it came out. The doctor had to literally pry the kid's fingers off the clamp.
55:40🔗
Adam
See, I want to be like Fred McMurray in the waiting room with the cigars and pacing. And where I run into that other guy, hey, Bob, I'm on my fifth. We pass knowing glances.
55:55🔗
Yeah, yeah, that's what I want.
56:13🔗
Hello?
56:16🔗
Caller
Okay, my boyfriend has kind of a rape fetish. I don't know really what to call it. It's kind of a cork with him. He's an artist. He draws it quite frequently. And he-
56:35🔗
Caller
We've had several talks about it. He said that this started when his mom left. It was sort of, you know, he had lack of control of his life.
57:08🔗
Christopher Titus
That was a Cartoon and Weekly reader, wasn't it? I remember in fourth grade.
57:15🔗
Caller
Well, it's gone a little beyond that. It got to the point where the rape was pretty much all he, drawing it got him aroused. It got to that point when I first met him, it was probably, it was coming down from at his worst peak of this problem. We were virgins when we met each other. We were each other's first. And he was having a hard time getting off. So I let him experiment with it a little bit and it got to the, you know, he tied me up and he was just, you know, pretending he was this rapist thing. He was going to kill me and everything. And I, I humored it as long as I could. It got to the point where I just could not stand it anymore.
57:56🔗
Christopher Titus
What, what happened that made you actually kind of cut it off? We did just leave you in a trunk overnight. What, what happened? I mean, I mean, cause I had a girl once that did, that actually was into this and I was like 19 or 18, 19, 19, no.
58:07🔗
Christopher Titus
Yeah, she was into raping me once and I was like, I was so pathetic. I was like, okay, bitch, smack. And it was nothing. And she actually said to me, she goes, it's all right.
58:18🔗
Christopher Titus
So what got to the point that made you, cause you were with her for a while, what pushed it over the edge?
58:23🔗
Caller
It just, it got more and more violent, the things that he'd say. Just he, he would start with just saying, I'm going to kill you. And then he'd start going into detail and stuff like that. And I just finally said, okay, we've got to stop it. And he agreed no more. He agreed it was getting a little out of hand.
58:42🔗
Caller
No, my mom doesn't like him. But, no, aside from this problem, he's a really, he's a very decent guy.
58:50🔗
Christopher Titus
I mean, aside from the wanting to kill you and then go into detail problem, he's a very nice guy. Okay.
58:55🔗
Caller
No, I mean, he's really soft spoken and he's really timid in real life. I think he did this mainly from our talks. What he's said is he's done this just because of lack of control of his life and it just got a little out of hand for him.
59:06🔗
Adam
But let me explain a couple of things. First off, John Wayne Gacy was a clown. You understand? And every time, I'm not saying this guy is a serial killer, but every time they profile these guys, they're soft spoken, they're friendly, they're involved with the community, quiet guys. And then they have this very dark, scary side that rears its ugly head once a month and somebody gets hurt. Now, what are you still with this guy for?
59:35🔗
Caller
Well, it's just, it's something, it's just a thing with him. I mean, otherwise, he's a very...
59:41🔗
Drew
One of the more highly predictive sort of historical qualities in these guys that suggest real trouble is if they hurt animals. Does he have a history of doing that?
1:00:16🔗
Adam
Oh boy. That's bad. Yeah, but he doesn't have a gun, right? No, he just gets a pepper spray.
1:00:23🔗
Caller
But the thing is, this is just, it's a quirk with him and he vents it through the drawing. After we experiment...
1:00:28🔗
Adam
Alright, but hold on. You downgrading the rape fantasies to quirk. Let me tell you what quirk is. Quirk is where... It's like you wear sandals with socks. You know, that's a quirk.
1:00:44🔗
Christopher Titus
A quirk is when you have to, you know, before you go to bat, you touch the fence three times. That's a quirk.
1:00:55🔗
Christopher Titus
Crying, rape pictures. Here's what I think you want. Here's what I think you want from us. You want us to go, you know what, it's okay. I'm sure it's healthy in a way, getting it out. No, no. No, I'm telling you.
1:01:06🔗
Christopher Titus
We're never going to say that. You know what I would say right now? I swear to God, if I was your brother, run. If anything, I'd be at this guy's house. I got to tell you, when you start talking about violence like that, someone is thinking of violence like that, and wanting to just kind of play around with it, you got to, if you like the guy, you like the guy. That's great, but I got to be honest with you, it's the scariest call, I've been on the show twice, this is the scariest call I've ever heard. Everything you've talked about, this guy, goes through every profile I've heard of, Dahmer and all those guys. I'm not saying he is, maybe he does have a quirk, but it's a quirk that scares the living hell out of me, and if my sister was involved in it, or a girl I knew was involved in it, there would definitely be a problem. There would definitely be a problem. You need to be afraid.
1:01:47🔗
Adam
The rest is up to you, but you don't want to get in a position one day, eight months from now, where you're duct taped to something.
1:01:59🔗
That's right.
1:02:02🔗
Drew
She could just have him check that and evaluate it, and somebody could watch this and be responsible for it.
1:02:07🔗
Adam
She could. But here's, I guess, what our message on this show is, is aren't there enough people on the planet where as a 20-year-old articulate, I'm sure, a cute girl, that you have to be saddled with this crazy guy as the security guard who draws the rapist? Do you know what I mean? Couldn't you just go take a class at a junior college and meet a dude the next day?
1:02:31🔗
Christopher Titus
There you go. You know, sit down, make a list. Good points, bad points. Security guard, don't know which category that goes in. Definitely know the drip fantasy cartoon rapist character goes in the bad side.
1:02:43🔗
Caller
Yeah, I am. First I want to say I love your guys' show and I love the man show and Chris, I love the Titus show, man. All the shows rock.
1:02:54🔗
Caller
But yeah, I just wanted to ask, I have this girlfriend that I met at the Michigan Renaissance Festival. I've been dating her for about five months now and she has an extreme oral fetish. I mean, she gets mad if I don't, you know, let go in her mouth.
1:03:18🔗
Adam
Yeah. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. You know, it's really funny. It's funny on your mind when she goes, I met this girl and I was like, okay, 135 pounds. I met her in Michigan. Okay, she's up to 155 at the Renaissance Festival, 205. She's only happy when I orgasm in her mouth. She's up to 316. I just kept hacking the weight on her. It was like piling sandbags onto a scale.
1:03:46🔗
Drew
I had ironic idea of her with the Puff the Magic Dragon cartoon, the puppet show. Right. Then, oh man, here's the boy.
1:04:16🔗
Caller
She's so light. Sexual. Here's the oddest thing that really threw me for a loop. It was one day we were sitting down on the couch and she went and got a bowl of ice cream. When she came back, she just pulled my drawers down, did me off on to her ice cream and then sat down and ate it. Ever since then, it's like every time she eats ice cream or cake or anything, it's got to be on there.
1:05:00🔗
Adam
Well, wait a minute. I'm a little more curious about the Renaissance Festival. What was her gig there?
1:05:28🔗
Adam
How does this... To me, this is... Only the Trekkies confuse me more than the Renaissance folks. So now what's... All right. So she likes this. Does she seem to have deep emotional issues?
1:05:42🔗
Caller
Not that I've noticed, but I mean, it's... Like I said, it's an obsession with her. It's like she can't get enough of it.
1:05:49🔗
Christopher Titus
So here's a question. You have a problem that most, that 99.925% of the male population wouldn't be calling a talk show about. What is your problem with it?
1:05:59🔗
Drew
Well, I'm kind of scared about this one the way you were scared about the last one. Oh, yeah?
1:06:04🔗
Adam
No, I agree with Chris, but she's taken it to such extremes. I think it's spooking in a little way.
1:06:10🔗
Caller
She's so obsessed with it. I mean, it's like every time we're together, she has to have it and it's like she doesn't want to do anything else except that.
1:06:19🔗
Drew
But she's not interested. It's not the act of giving you oral sex. It's the ingestion of the semen. That's what I find bizarre.
1:06:35🔗
Oh, yes.
1:06:42🔗
Isn't it that religion?
1:07:18🔗
Caller
At first, it was kind of like real thrilling and everything, but now it's like she's so obsessed with it.
1:07:24🔗
Drew
All right. Are you kind of a healthy sort of boundary with all this? Yes, you're looking. You're assessing the relationship.
1:07:40🔗
Caller
Yeah. Like I said, I don't say I don't know whether to stay with this girl or not and see where it goes or what.
1:07:50🔗
Adam
I know there's no chance of that unless she like belches in her own vagina or something, but I make sure she's been taking the pill.
1:07:57🔗
Caller
And I make sure I'm there watching her take it and swallow the darn thing and I use the condom and everything.
1:08:03🔗
Adam
Yeah, her pill. Yeah, that's nice. It's like a scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, where the nurse stands over and makes sure she doesn't stuff it between her cheek and gum and then spit it into the toilet.
1:08:20🔗
Drew
Yeah, absolutely. All of a sudden, I'm going to have a different sort of view of those young women lined up along the court there.
1:08:36🔗
OK. All right.
1:08:37🔗
Drew
That's just my imagination. There's a lot of Puff the Magic Dragon and people with pointy hats on.
1:08:49🔗
Adam
Her name would be like Ann Blowin. Remember that word? Good porn name. I got Drew everybody. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Christopher Titus is here tonight. Fox, 930, Wednesday Nights, and we'll be right back.
1:09:38🔗
Caller
Hello, this is Vince DeFiori from the band Cake. Hi, my name is John McCrae from the band Cake, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.
1:10:02🔗
Adam
No, Vince plays the trumpet. It's great, though. I gotta get them back in here. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight.
1:10:13🔗
Adam
That's right. That's a great song. Titus is, of course, the name of the show, Wednesday Night, 9.30 on Fox.
1:10:23🔗
Christopher Titus
Actually, that's the most promo. Actually, just now, I've got more promo tonight than we got in the whole last three weeks. Good job.
1:10:38🔗
Oh, man.
1:10:39🔗
Yeah.
1:10:41🔗
Hey, guys. Thanks for having me on the show. I love it.
1:10:46🔗
Yeah. Well, here's my question. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex or anything, but his penis is really curved. First, I'm wondering, is that normal and is it going to make sex hard?
1:10:59🔗
Drew
Certain amount of curve is normal. It's not reaching all the way back and touching himself. Not a U-turn.
1:11:09🔗
It's probably about 90 degrees or so.
1:11:20🔗
Well, like a square corner. Yeah.
1:11:26🔗
Adam
That is 90 degrees. Well, 180 would be in your ass, right? No, that's not 360. Well, 360 would come back around again. But 90 would just be against one hip. Yeah. Pretty much the same way about. 90 degrees, if you're laying on your bed with an erection and your penis was straight up and that was noon, 90 would be at three o'clock or nine o'clock depending on which way he pulled.
1:11:54🔗
Adam
Right. He can't be at 90. He can't be just straight. I mean, he could be at like 145 or something.
1:12:05🔗
Christopher Titus
I don't think he's the right angle on it. I don't think she's saying there's a square corner. I think it just curves all eight. It ends up at a 90, right?
1:12:21🔗
Oh yeah, it stays, but-
1:12:22🔗
Drew
I might want to give him about 800 units of vitamin E every day. I'm dead serious about this. That if he has Peyronie's disease, the contraction of the tissue that's pulling it over to the one side like that can loosen up and it can straighten back out a little bit.
1:12:40🔗
Well, that's what I'm worried about. I've never had sex before and neither has he.
1:12:45🔗
So I'm just wondering, is it even going to work?
1:12:49🔗
Is it sideways or something?
1:12:55🔗
Christopher Titus
I will say this, I don't think you're going to have the problem. I think he's the one that's going to be in pain, right? I don't think you're going to be the one to worry about it. I think he's the one that's going to have to worry about it.
1:13:04🔗
Okay.
1:13:16🔗
No.
1:13:22🔗
I'm not sure how that would work either.
1:13:29🔗
Yeah.
1:13:35🔗
Two, three inches, probably.
1:13:40🔗
Yeah.
1:13:41🔗
Yeah.
1:13:46🔗
I don't think so.
1:13:48🔗
Okay.
1:13:51🔗
He said that I was the only person who knew about it.
1:13:58🔗
Drew
It's just a fibrous plaque that forms on one side of the penis and pulls it over to that side. And the problem is that in order to get rid of that, other than the vitamin E, they have to cut a pie shape out of the other side and pull it back.
1:14:13🔗
Adam
What about training it? Like, you know, kid wears a headset for his orthodontia. Couldn't you train?
1:14:28🔗
Christopher Titus
Three or four coat hangers, you tie them up together, you strain it out a little bit. You work it. You strain it out.
1:14:35🔗
Christopher Titus
I'll tell you what, if it's that or cut a pie shape out of it, that's like metal work, man. That's like form, that's like a pie shape.
1:14:50🔗
Yeah.
1:14:52🔗
I have a comment on that woman that called about the nephew with a really small penis.
1:14:57🔗
Anyways, we're discussing this in psychology class, the idea between nature versus nurture. In Canada, what they used to do when children are born with extremely small penises, is they cut them off and cut the balls off, do a little constructive surgery down there and raise them as girls.
1:15:15🔗
That's...
1:15:27🔗
It's not like it was a common thing. But if the penis is small enough...
1:15:30🔗
Drew
Well, listen. Relax. No, no, no. Here's what happened. There was actually a penis that was sloughed off in the course of a circumcision accident, and they decided to raise that child as a male, and they studied that child as he grew up.
1:15:43🔗
Drew
And he could not adjust to being a female. And they wouldn't do things they wanted it to do. I mean, it was good evidence of how profoundly different the male and the female is. And there are many other cases where they had ambiguous genitalia, where they were actually going to get a vagina, but it has testes. And they would try to raise that as a female, and it had never worked out.
1:16:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. It was a crazy story. I heard it maybe a year ago on like 2020 or something. It was like the most bizarre thing in the world. They never told the kid. And the kid, you know, obviously, they had the kid on like some hormone therapy and stuff. And the kid then became a guinea pig. And the kid was starting to freak out like having all these feelings and thinking the kid was a lesbian or just like bizarre. I mean, imagine that. Man. You think you're a female your whole life, and you're actually a male. And then at age 15, your mom calls you into the kitchen and has to have a little sit down with you.
1:16:58🔗
Adam
Yeah. They did not remove your genitalia in a botched circumcision. And then like panic and go, all right, I guess we'll make them into a chick.
1:17:07🔗
Christopher Titus
What kind of botched circumcision? How bad? What do they get? A guy with a paper hat? How do you botch a circumcision that bad? And by the way, the word slough off, I'm still in my, I can't even.
1:17:29🔗
Drew
I had a patient where I swear that was her deal. I wanted to test her, I didn't want to even bring her up because she was being treated for other things and I thought, man, this is a male. This is not a female and magically she was on hormones and there was all this weird stuff going on. I thought, oh, this is not a female.
1:17:43🔗
Adam
But also it's one of these things where people always talk about society, man, forcing girls to play with dolls and boys to play with guns and this is all society and the man encroaching on our children.
1:17:58🔗
Adam
BS. You cut the guy's prick off, he's still a dude. Cut his prick off, put him in a dress, hand him a doll.
1:18:06🔗
Adam
Put him on estrogen and try to make the guy, and all you get is the world's most effed up chick. This chick was like goth times ten and just freaking out. I mean, just like lesbian buzzcut. Then it was like into a mental institution and now she's running a studio. So it worked out. Greenlining project. Yeah. She's running a few shows at the WP. I don't know what the hell happened to this person, but my dad missed a couple of Pop Warner football games. I'm not done with him. You know what I mean? I still never forget him for that. Could you imagine this? Jennifer?
1:18:48🔗
Yes.
1:18:51🔗
Yeah, my boyfriend bit a small hole in the side of my nipple.
1:18:56🔗
Yes.
1:19:01🔗
No, not like a hole, but like a nice little dent.
1:19:05🔗
Yeah.
1:19:08🔗
What do I do?
1:19:09🔗
Drew
Keep it clean, peroxide. If it gets swollen or any exudate, any white debris coming off, let's see a doctor immediately. If it swells or gets red, got to see someone.
1:19:23🔗
It just hurts.
1:19:25🔗
Not a lot.
1:19:31🔗
It happened. I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about that.
1:19:36🔗
Oh, it happened five or six hours ago.
1:19:46🔗
I thought he asked, how did it happen?
1:19:49🔗
Christopher Titus
I mean, it's not one of the, it's not a, it's not a, sorry I bumped into you in the kitchen accident.
1:19:52🔗
Yeah. No, I know.
1:19:56🔗
Yeah.
1:20:00🔗
Yeah.
1:20:02🔗
No.
1:20:07🔗
A little.
1:20:08🔗
Adam
You deserve it because you're naughty, right? Little bitch. She's crying now. She's laughing. All right. You're all right? No rape fantasies? No.
1:20:35🔗
Adam
He's going to have t-shirts. I can see the whole thing. All right. We're taking our call here, Drew? We'll take a break.
1:20:47🔗
Caller
I had a tumor when I was 18. Well, when I was 18 and I didn't go through puberty till I was 18. And now...
1:20:59🔗
Caller
And so I find myself now just really depressed and like kind of feeling off a lot. And I don't know when puberty is going to finish because I'm just starting now to get like hair underneath my arms.
1:21:34🔗
Drew
All right. That can make you feel funny, not having had enough of that. How about the thyroid function is normal?
1:21:41🔗
Drew
Okay. So you have thyroid replacement, testosterone replacement, you're going to be in growth hormone replacement. How about prolactin?
1:21:50🔗
Adam
Drew, are you a real doctor? Just a love doctor. I'm just a love doctor. How about the fact that he's been on hold for 75 minutes, this poor kid, Drew? How do you feel about that?
1:22:12🔗
Drew
Greg, you know there's a book out there about a kid with a prolactin secreting tumor, right? Prolactinoma?
1:22:19🔗
Drew
A guy named Ken Baker wrote the book. I think it's called Man-Made or something. It's about how it was growing up and not going through puberty and not being understood. Why this is very apropos of what we were talking about tonight and how he could never sort of excel athletically and he was not really interested in sex. Man, when they took that pituitary tumor out, pow, it was a testosterone storm. He could masturbate 10 times a day. He was like a totally different person.
1:22:53🔗
Christopher Titus
Now, is it a faster thing though? Is he going to go through puberty real fast now?
1:23:09🔗
Drew
Because you need growth hormone for normal. That's not just for growth. You need it for metabolism too. But let me ask you this. So your lactal levels are normal now or not?
1:23:21🔗
Drew
Yeah. So you got to get this adjusted. Are you going to like a university center to get this treated?
1:23:35🔗
Drew
Get that book, okay? It's Ken Baker, B-A-K-E-R. It's a great book about living with a prolactin screening tumor as a young male. You will definitely, just reading that, I think, will make you feel better. And then realize that having elevated levels of prolactin around suppress testosterone function and make you depressed.
1:24:04🔗
Adam
I mean, they're hypochondriacs and they would not settle for anything but the best. That's not a dig, but I would feel more- Drew, if you're taking your child to a hospital, Jew hospital, go ahead. What do you go with?
1:24:26🔗
Christopher Titus
People actually use it. Some of my writers use it in LA. What do you have, baby? Cedars. You feel like, oh, I'm going to Seymour Valley. I feel like a loser. I'm the up to show. I should be going to Seymour Valley. Come on.
1:24:48🔗
Christopher Titus
There was some slowing through the mud a little bit, but there was a clean room.
1:25:07🔗
Adam
Listen, I grew up in the Valley and I'll barely go to a restaurant in the Valley, much less a hospital. Please. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Greg, what? Who? Jennifer? Jennifer had a sex change six years ago. Can she have it reversed?
1:25:38🔗
Adam
Yeah. There's donors dying on motorcycles all the time. We'll be back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. You can find him on Wednesday nights on Fox at 930, doing his show in his third successful season. Drew, you all right?
1:26:41🔗
Hello?
1:26:43🔗
Hi. Is it?
1:26:47🔗
Who is this?
1:26:49🔗
Oh, okay. I thought you were the guy that answered.
1:26:54🔗
He asked me a, it was kind of funny. He asked me a question I didn't think about. He said, isn't it easier now getting laid instead of when I was a man? I was kind of shocked when he said it, but he's right because you have the yes or the no, and the guy has to respect that or not. Anyway, one of the-
1:27:27🔗
Adam
But it's not like you look like Donna Dixon. I mean, you were a dude, right? I mean, you look like B. Arthur, right?
1:27:35🔗
I was a man, and what had happened is I was bisexual.
1:27:40🔗
And I thought that that was- and I know the counselor said that's not true, but the counselor said that, but I thought that bisexuality was just like a precursor to homosexuality.
1:27:55🔗
And so I figured, you know, well, I, you know, don't want to do that.
1:28:01🔗
No. And so I figured, you know, I've always been told that I've been kind of, you know, feminine and feminine qualities and everything. And I thought, well, you know, it just, it seems so natural to change. And so, you know, it took quite a while. I had to go through a lot of counseling and everything. And-
1:28:26🔗
I'm sorry?
1:28:31🔗
Yeah.
1:28:36🔗
Yeah, because what's happened is I-
1:28:46🔗
No, it's not that.
1:28:49🔗
Adam
You know, you know, your auto insurance is going to go back up again when you get that penis. Something to think about.
1:28:57🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. Hold on. Listen, how many times have I said this, that people who the very, to me, the definition of insanity is wanting gender reassignment. There is no greater argument for being insane than wanting your penis surgically removed. And the fact that we need to study these people for a year to make sure they're perfectly sound mentally so that they can go ahead and have the penis cut off is comical to me. And the doctors who do it are insane. And these guys who think they're doing the Lord's work with, they're trapped inside. No, they're trapped inside a nut jobs body. It's not a man trapped in. It's not a woman trapped inside a man's body. It's a woman trapped inside a nut jobs body.
1:29:42🔗
Christopher Titus
I love the moral argument of you know what, I didn't want to go gay. That's bad. So I just wanted to have my body mutilate.
1:29:53🔗
Adam
I always say too, if any doctor is listening or performs this procedure, what if I came in and said that my right hand was possessed and I couldn't stop scratching my ass in public and I wanted you to take it off? Would you say that that would be an ethical procedure?
1:30:08🔗
Christopher Titus
Well, we'd have some counselling, we'd have to have a little bit of 6 months of counselling.
1:30:11🔗
Adam
Then you realize my hand was really possessed, I felt trapped inside a guy who didn't scratch his ass, his body, and I want it removed. Would you go ahead and take that off, you quacks?
1:30:21🔗
Christopher Titus
Yes, we would, and then, you know, chunk flop, bag it up, sew it up, move it off.
1:30:26🔗
Adam
All right, so Jennifer, you want it now, can this procedure be reversed, or what are you going to have?
1:30:32🔗
You guys are funny.
1:30:34🔗
Adam
You got a good sense of humor for someone who wants their penis back. Do you get a new penis, or do they give you the old one back? Where's that, with Disney somewhere?
1:30:50🔗
Adam
Let's see if you can get a black one this time. Who paid for this? Did I pay for this? Did the state have to pay for this? That's the other part I like.
1:31:01🔗
Please, I mean to ask you a question.
1:31:10🔗
Can I ask you a question? I'm having a hard time. You guys are making me laugh.
1:31:18🔗
Okay, but I heard you, when you put me on hold, you said something about the Lord. It's kind of hard for me now because it's really complicated. I became a Christian and mainly the reason that I'm switching back is because what I did, I don't think it's right. I think it's wrong. I want to, I was going to say rectify it. That might not sound right.
1:31:49🔗
Christopher Titus
Well, are you happy? Well, here's just, by the way, we're out of my league even asking this question. Are you happy the way you are now? Well, if you're Christian buddies kind of made, go ahead.
1:32:03🔗
Yeah. I guess the thing I'm having a hard time with is that I like women and, you know.
1:32:16🔗
And, you know.
1:32:18🔗
Adam
You didn't want to be gay before. Now you don't want to be a lesbian because you're Christian and you want to go down on a chick. Oh my god. I'd like to find your dad and kick him right in the sack if he's still got it.
1:32:33🔗
Adam
Yeah. Holy Christ. Look, Jennifer, how much... Let me ask you a couple of questions. Have you slept with any men since you've changed sexes? Do you tell them? Do they know?
1:32:44🔗
Um, well, I'm kind of afraid to tell them.
1:32:49🔗
Well, one of them, um, one of them didn't know, and that's the most recent right now.
1:32:58🔗
No. And that's what I'm kind of afraid of too.
1:33:03🔗
Yeah.
1:33:09🔗
No.
1:33:12🔗
No. Uh-uh.
1:33:13🔗
I've been cheating on him though with women.
1:33:17🔗
He's really difficult.
1:33:22🔗
Drew
You know, let's, let's, Jennifer, what we'll do, let's, we're gonna get Jennifer's phone number and check up on him, her again in the future and just see how she's getting along and what happens. Interesting story.
1:33:33🔗
Christopher Titus
And very well, Elliot, and very well adjusted, oddly enough, for a Christian, for a born-again Christian, penisless, sex change female who wants to go back.
1:33:44🔗
Drew
And a good sense of humor is the key thing here. As always. But I think as we get to know Jennifer, we'll find a lot of interesting stuff, I'm sure. A lot.
1:33:58🔗
Adam
I'd like to talk to everybody. So just get get Jennifer's number and that way we'll put together, we'll pass the hat, see if we can't buy a penis. We'll be back.
1:34:57🔗
Adam
Well, that is it for another interesting Loveline episode. Ubastank will be in here tomorrow night, and then David Alan Greer on Wednesday night, and then the best stuff on Thursday when you're not listening anyway. I want to thank Christopher Titus for coming in here. Always good to see him, and you should come in more.
1:35:22🔗
Adam
That's right. Keep watching, keep that money rolling in. Daddy needs a new blower. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. You got a good sense of humor for someone who wants their penis back. Do you get a new penis or do they give you the old one back? Where's that? With Disney somewhere?
1:35:54🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.