Wednesday, August 8, 2001

1:01🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, coast to coast.

1:12🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. I got confused. I started calling him an internist for a while.

1:27🔗 I'm back. You're all right.

1:28🔗 Voiceover All right. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm glad to welcome back to the program one of the nicest guys in show business, Seth Green.

1:37🔗 Thanks.

1:38🔗 Adam Who I really enjoy because he's really nice guy and he just has a relaxed way about him. Makes you feel comfortable. Right?

1:46🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:47🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:47🔗 Seth Green I can tell we're all really comfortable.

1:49🔗 Adam Yeah, we're very comfortable.

1:50🔗 Drew Yeah, we don't want to talk.

1:50🔗 Adam I'm not wearing underpants or socks. So yes, I'm very comfortable.

1:55🔗 Drew How old were you when you first came on this show? I was trying to figure that out last time.

1:58🔗 Seth Green When I first came on this show?

1:59🔗 Yeah. I don't know.

2:00🔗 Drew Fourteen?

2:01🔗 Seth Green At least, yeah.

2:02🔗 Drew Yeah. See what I said?

2:03🔗 Adam Yeah. I just found out-

2:04🔗 Seth Green I've been with every host.

2:06🔗 Adam I found out you like I'm like in the middle though, right? I mean, I'm not the worst.

2:11🔗 Seth Green The worst? Oh God, no.

2:12🔗 Adam No, I'm like the middle, right?

2:14🔗 You're good. You're good.

2:14🔗 Seth Green You handle people well.

2:15🔗 Adam Yeah, you're all right.

2:16🔗 You're okay. Yeah.

2:18🔗 Adam I like to think of myself as the middle, you know?

2:21🔗 Drew In everything.

2:22🔗 Adam It started early in junior high when I would strive to get Cs.

2:26🔗 Drew No, I know if somebody considers you the best, you figure you got to back off a little bit.

2:30🔗 Adam Who needs that pressure?

2:31🔗 Drew Right.

2:31🔗 Adam Right. I'd be pissed off because I'm not getting paid enough. You know, if I was the best, I don't want more money. The Rat Race is the name of the new movie. Is that coming out this Friday?

2:42🔗 Seth Green No, next, I believe.

2:44🔗 Adam A week from this Friday.

2:45🔗 Seth Green That would make... Yeah, that sounds right.

2:47🔗 Drew Why when I see previews for this movie, do I think about Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World?

2:51🔗 Seth Green Because it's got similar qualities to it.

2:56🔗 Drew Is it consciously a takeoff on that?

2:57🔗 Seth Green No, not intentionally.

2:59🔗 Adam But it's about time someone did something that felt that way.

3:02🔗 Drew Yeah, I was thinking that myself.

3:04🔗 Adam Tons of cameos.

3:05🔗 Drew Stars.

3:06🔗 Adam Basically, a group trying to get from point A to point B.

3:09🔗 Seth Green Yeah.

3:10🔗 Adam And who's hunting you?

3:11🔗 Seth Green Nobody is. It's just each other. It's against each other. And nobody's really got any morality. There's got to be a bad guy in there. There is no bad guy. The bad guy is the guy who put everybody up to it.

3:20🔗 Drew Oh, I see.

3:21🔗 Adam Has there been a trend I've noticed on TV and now in movies just in the last couple of weeks or months?

3:27🔗 Drew No bad guy.

3:28🔗 Adam No. Would you shut up, Drew? Shut his mic off. That's not my point. My point is get from point A to point B and see who can get there first. I think that's called a race. I think we had some of those movies with all the cannonball runs and all that kind of stuff in the 70s.

3:45🔗 Drew Yeah, they're reality versions of that.

3:47🔗 Adam Right. All right.

3:49🔗 Seth Green I think he's kind of getting out of hand though. A lot of the reality programs are really just gross and scary.

3:55🔗 Adam Yeah, people it's like, yeah, here's a cow testicle. You gotta eat that bull testicle and then there's a lamb's eye and we're gonna cover you in snakes.

4:05🔗 Seth Green Yeah, but did you watch, do you ever watch?

4:06🔗 Adam We got a guy with AIDS, he's gonna pee on you.

4:09🔗 Seth Green There's that camera type show except what they're doing is freaking people out. It's not like, hey, you come in for a job and the secretary has a club foot. It's not like that. This episode that I saw, these women came in to get their bridal gowns because their wedding was tomorrow. And the people tell them, oh yeah, we ruined your gown. And they show them like a gown horribly burned. And the women start crying and it's really upsetting. And then they go, you're on the candid TV. And the women are just like, wow, that's so not funny.

4:39🔗 Adam That can shave years off your life too.

4:42🔗 Drew This guy, this MFer, narrated a show where he was caught on tape or something.

4:48🔗 Adam Oh yeah, but I did that for money.

4:51🔗 Drew Yeah, but there was some awful stuff that went down to that show. Remember that?

4:54🔗 Adam Yeah, it was abusive.

4:56🔗 Drew He had guys who would send in a stripper or something and see how the guy would respond while his girlfriend watched.

5:01🔗 Seth Green There's a general mean-spiritedness to television these days that I don't approve of.

5:04🔗 Adam There is. And I'll tell you something, just a little career advice, Seth. Not that you would stoop to doing something for the money like when I did Red Handed, but it was a great moment. They said to me, we'll give you like 10 grand an episode or something like that. All you got to do is get to Loveline an hour, maybe 45 minutes early, couple days, two days a week, and do some quick voiceover work. Your name's not on it. It's not like Adam Corolla presents Red Handed or anything. You don't get a writer or producer's credit. You just get your money and you go home. So I remember telling Daniel Kelson, the executive producer, the manager, yeah, I'm doing this Red Handed. He's like, you idiot, you'll ruin your career. I said, look, my name's, I'm not on camera and my name's not even on the thing. No, so you don't understand. That ruins careers. I said, what do I care? I'm just going to make some money. My name's not on anything. I'll take the check. I'll go home. No one will know it's me.

6:00🔗 Seth Green And that's what David Duchovny thought with Red Shoe Diaries.

6:03🔗 Adam Yeah, a week later, he comes in to the office. He has it Xeroxed. It's posted all over the place. It's a big picture of me in like the New York Times or something. Corolla embarrasses himself. It says, I'm like these big letters. And then the whole article basically goes on like I had written, produced, conceived and dreamt of the show. I got total credit for this piece of ass. And you've just never seen a better example of In Your Face, I Told You So Crap. Big picture. Corolla embarrasses himself. Fantastic. But, Seth, you're not going to embarrass yourself with Rat Race, right?

6:37🔗 Seth Green There's nothing I can do about it now. It's already done.

6:39🔗 Adam Just say no.

6:40🔗 Drew You're not worried about it being an embarrassment. It's a good joke.

6:42🔗 Seth Green Yeah, it's a very clean, fun movie.

6:44🔗 Adam Seth is also in my favorite TV show, The Family Guy.

6:48🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

6:49🔗 Adam Yes. I love that show.

6:51🔗 Seth Green Thanks.

6:51🔗 Adam Man, do I love that show.

6:53🔗 Caller Me too.

6:53🔗 Adam And Seth does... What is it, Brian?

6:56🔗 Seth Green No, I do the...

6:57🔗 Caller What's...

6:57🔗 Adam Stewie.

6:58🔗 Seth Green The son, yeah.

6:58🔗 Adam No, Stewie's the...

6:59🔗 Seth Green Stewie's the baby.

7:00🔗 Adam Right.

7:01🔗 And I think to myself, my God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?

7:09🔗 Adam Yeah, it's Seth MacFarlane. Yeah, you do Brian, right?

7:12🔗 Seth Green No, I do the...

7:12🔗 Adam What's his name?

7:13🔗 Seth Green Chris, the son, Chris. Oh, Chris.

7:14🔗 Adam Who the hell is Brian? Do a little... Give me a shot of Chris. I love that guy. Come on.

7:21🔗 Drew Yeah, be funny, Seth. Yeah, hang on a second. Let me work it out.

7:24🔗 Adam You don't have to say anything funny. I'll tell you what you can do. You can just read some of your bio.

7:29🔗 Seth Green Okay.

7:30🔗 Drew That'll be comfortable.

7:31🔗 Adam Well, at least he's got some copy there.

7:33🔗 Drew Women weep, men shudder.

7:35🔗 Caller Seth Green has worked non-stop since he began in the business.

7:41🔗 Seth Green That's Chris.

7:45🔗 Adam I love that Chris. I love that Family Guy. I love that show.

7:49🔗 Caller I'm glad.

7:50🔗 Adam That show's funny as hell. I'm so glad it's back on. All right. This ain't the last of your Chris, by the way.

7:59🔗 Okay.

7:59🔗 Adam This is the first hour, Chris. We're going to need a second hour, and then we're going to need my outgoing message.

8:04🔗 Okay.

8:05🔗 Adam Give me just a little taste.

8:07🔗 Drew Outgoing message.

8:10🔗 Adam Adam's not home, but could you leave a message? Something like that.

8:13🔗 Drew Why don't you create a spinoff show for him?

8:15🔗 Adam Just quiet. Let me hear. Hi, this is Adam.

8:18🔗 Please leave a message.

8:20🔗 Adam See, that's my regular message. There's nothing to it at all.

8:23🔗 Seth Green It's pretty on the news though.

8:25🔗 Adam But let's hear you. Give me a little taste.

8:27🔗 Seth Green Can I get the phone ring?

8:28🔗 Adam Yeah. Lead him in with the phone. Would you Anderson?

8:33🔗 Caller Hi. Adam. I'm not here. Sure. You could just go back another time.

8:51🔗 Adam You don't know Chrissy. You got to see Chris. You got to see him. You have to see him in your mind's eye.

8:57🔗 Drew Jen, do you see Chris?

8:59🔗 Yeah, that's awesome.

9:00🔗 Drew Okay, what's going on?

9:01🔗 Adam You're 16.

9:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

9:04🔗 I just think whenever a guy fingers me or something, I can't get an orgasm. I get really close, but then I just don't get it.

9:15🔗 Adam Well, maybe you just haven't met the right finger.

9:18🔗 Drew I don't think that that whole behavior...

9:22🔗 Adam The fingering?

9:22🔗 Drew Yeah. It's not so usually object-directed, goal-directed, you know what I'm saying?

9:28🔗 Adam You mean orgasm-directed.

9:30🔗 Drew Yeah. That's not usually a goal, that behavior.

9:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

9:33🔗 Drew There is no goal in it, really. That's why it sort of goes away.

9:36🔗 Adam Yeah. The finger is just sort of to make room for the penis. I mean, it's sort of like, you know, before you put on a pair of boots, you grab them and you pull the laces apart. Like before you put on some high-top shoes and you move it around a little and you loosen up. Well, it's not because you're going to put your hand in there. It's because you're going to put your foot in there. But you've got to get your hand in there and move it around a little so your foot will fit better. You see what I'm saying?

9:58🔗 Drew Yeah, you like being equated with a boot?

10:02🔗 Adam Well, a high-top sneaker. Hey, Jen? Yeah? Yeah, because most women need a little clitoral stimulation and that kind of thing.

10:09🔗 Yeah, but if a guy goes down on me, I can't get one either.

10:13🔗 Seth Green How old are you?

10:14🔗 I'm 16.

10:15🔗 Drew Do you have orgasm when you masturbate?

10:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

10:18🔗 Drew And how do you do that? How do you achieve that?

10:20🔗 Oh, I just kind of rub myself.

10:23🔗 Caller I don't really...

10:24🔗 Adam Yeah, that's right. You do the rub thing.

10:26🔗 Yeah.

10:26🔗 Adam Nice. So you need the guy to do the rub thing. Know what I'm saying? Yeah, you need to relax a bit. How much better? And by the way, for a woman, you never ask this question, but how much better is an orgasm when you're with a guy than when you do it yourself? You know what I mean? Well, you may not know.

10:46🔗 Yeah, I don't know.

10:47🔗 Adam Have you been with a guy and had an orgasm?

10:50🔗 No.

10:51🔗 All right.

10:53🔗 I'm virgin, but it's...

10:54🔗 Drew All right, but the fact that you're able to achieve orgasm by yourself, you're already ahead of most of your peers, okay? Being able to do it with someone else will come in good time.

11:04🔗 Adam Yeah. Now, what percentage, what do you think an orgasm with a woman is compared to masturbation for a guy? 50% better?

11:14🔗 Drew A male 50% better?

11:16🔗 Adam Yeah. We were talking about this the other day. Wacking off is fine, it's not quite as good. You know what I'm saying?

11:23🔗 Drew Yeah.

11:24🔗 Adam There's no way to quantify it.

11:25🔗 Drew I said it's like an existential question, it's like an unanswerable.

11:28🔗 Adam Yes. If I whacked off in the force, would you hear me? I'm just curious, I'm curious for women, if you think that gap's any wider or closer?

11:39🔗 Drew I think it's a lesser experience for them. Because men, first of all, are into the whole visual thing, they're into it.

11:45🔗 Adam Right.

11:45🔗 Drew They're getting that gratification. Women are into the emotional connection with it, they don't get that. They're by themselves.

11:51🔗 Adam But maybe that gets them further into it, or fantasy. You know what I mean? Close your eyes and fantasy. Candy?

11:59🔗 Caller Who?

11:59🔗 Adam Candy?

12:00🔗 Candy.

12:02🔗 Adam Is that you?

12:03🔗 Yes, that's me.

12:05🔗 Hi Adam, I love you.

12:06🔗 Adam Hey baby. You're 16.

12:09🔗 Caller You're hot too.

12:10🔗 Adam Hey, what about Seth Green here? He's super hot.

12:13🔗 He's okay.

12:14🔗 Adam Oh.

12:16🔗 Seth Green That's fine.

12:18🔗 But Drew, you are so hot for your age.

12:23🔗 Adam Drew, it's time to get out. It's time for you to get out of this business. That's the first time I've heard that with you.

12:29🔗 Drew No, I've heard that a couple of times.

12:30🔗 Seth Green Candy, have you ever thought about doing public relations, or maybe being an ambassador to a country? Because you really make people feel comfortable and important.

12:36🔗 Adam You'd be a great PR person for a studio. Like, hey, you're really fat, so you're probably going to laugh really hard at this new movie, because you fat people, when you're not sweating, you really laugh it up.

12:46🔗 Okay, okay.

12:48🔗 Adam All right.

12:48🔗 Adam.

12:51🔗 Drew He liked the age thing.

12:53🔗 Caller Yeah, go ahead.

12:55🔗 Adam What's wrong with Seth, by the way? What's Seth's thing? You know what's wrong with him? Is anything wrong with Seth?

13:02🔗 Um, he, I don't know.

13:06🔗 Seth Green I'm guessing that you called because there's something wrong with you. So why don't we address that?

13:09🔗 Adam Okay.

13:10🔗 Okay. Well, one more thing, Adam. Would you have sex with a 16-year-old?

13:16🔗 Adam Yeah, sure. I mean, not a chick.

13:24🔗 Okay.

13:24🔗 Adam All right.

13:24🔗 My question. I am, like, I get really obsessed with, with guys.

13:30🔗 Seth Green Named Adam Carolla?

13:32🔗 No, actually, I'm really obsessed with Scott Weiland.

13:35🔗 Adam Right. Oh, poor Scott.

13:36🔗 Yeah.

13:37🔗 Adam He, he's, he's... Drew knows Scott Weiland. You have to go, oh dear Jesus.

13:42🔗 Drew No, of course not.

13:43🔗 Adam Oh, of course not.

13:44🔗 Caller All right.

13:46🔗 I love him. He's a god.

13:48🔗 Adam Yeah. He's a, he's a hot guy.

13:50🔗 He's, I don't just like him for his looks either. That's just a plus. I love his music.

13:55🔗 Adam Okay. Fantastic. So what do you want us to do?

13:58🔗 Caller I don't know.

13:59🔗 Adam Thank you.

13:59🔗 Caller Who cares?

14:01🔗 Caller You're so mean.

14:02🔗 Adam Well, what do you want us to do about it?

14:03🔗 Well, I just, I'm like, I get upset with like older guys. Like I had a one night stand like during vacation with a 23 year old.

14:13🔗 Where?

14:15🔗 I was at a bar.

14:18🔗 Drew What were you doing at a bar? You're 16.

14:20🔗 Caller I know. They let me get in.

14:23🔗 Where?

14:24🔗 Caller Mazatlán.

14:26🔗 Adam Oh, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. No rules. All right. Hey, Candy.

14:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

14:30🔗 Adam Where's your dad?

14:31🔗 Caller Huh?

14:32🔗 Adam Where's your dad?

14:33🔗 Caller Oh, he's here at home. He's great.

14:36🔗 Adam You like him?

14:36🔗 Caller He's a nice guy. Yeah.

14:37🔗 Adam You love him?

14:38🔗 Caller Yeah, but my mom's crazy.

14:40🔗 Adam Okay. Well, that's where you get it.

14:42🔗 Drew Why? What's the deal?

14:43🔗 Caller Because she's like she's like a crazy foreign lady. Like like Minka.

14:49🔗 Adam Oh, number one Asian big boob queen.

14:52🔗 Caller Yes.

14:52🔗 What's your mom?

14:53🔗 Adam What's your mom's nationality?

14:55🔗 Caller She's Mexican.

14:56🔗 Adam Oh, that's trouble because you know, when they're crazy, they just go, I and they hit you all the time.

15:01🔗 Yeah.

15:02🔗 Adam And they swat. I, they chase you around like out of the kitchen and smack you in the back.

15:07🔗 Yeah.

15:08🔗 Caller And like, she really hates me and she's like, she's letting my 18 year old brother like beat me up if, if I like say anything.

15:15🔗 Adam Okay.

15:16🔗 Seth Green Is this your birth mother?

15:17🔗 Yeah.

15:18🔗 Adam So everything's a mess.

15:19🔗 Yeah.

15:20🔗 Adam Okay. But you're not going to solve it by, you know, trying to bang Scott Weiland or?

15:25🔗 Caller No, I don't want to have sex with him. I just want to talk to him.

15:28🔗 Drew But Candy, what you generally are doing is you're using arousal, you're using these sort of ex-thrilling environments and circumstances to manage or escape all the feelings you have about this chaotic home environment. So, you know, those traumas need to be dealt with in a more direct way, in a way that's not potentially so self-destructive for you.

15:44🔗 Adam What do you know, old man? I say live. Live. Life is for the young man.

15:48🔗 Drew I look great.

15:49🔗 Adam You do. Drew does look good for an old man, doesn't he?

15:54🔗 Seth Green Drew is at an indefinable age.

15:56🔗 Adam Yeah, he is. He's like, he's Drew.

15:57🔗 Seth Green If you look at him, you can't tell how old he is.

15:58🔗 Adam No, he's like, to me, he's like, remember on the Kentucky Fried Chicken Bucket, Colonel Sanders? He's always the same guy. It's not like he got older as you got older. He's the same dude.

16:09🔗 Drew He's always young.

16:11🔗 Adam Well, maybe that wasn't the most flattering.

16:12🔗 You should try and scope that goatee.

16:14🔗 Drew Should I wear a goatee?

16:15🔗 Adam John? Yeah. And put a little wax in it.

16:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

16:19🔗 Adam John, you're 32. Yeah.

16:21🔗 Caller Hey, how's it going, guys?

16:22🔗 Adam Good.

16:22🔗 Caller Seth, love your work. Thanks. Dr. Drew, I've got a quick question for you. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. My psychologist, psychiatrist, whatever he is, gave me clonazepam, 0.5 milligrams. I take it once a day. I take it before I go to bed. I've read a lot of conflicting things about it being addictive, and I wanted to hear what you had to say about it.

16:39🔗 Drew Well, you're taking a very, very low dose. And it is a long-acting benzodiazepines, and all benzodiazepines and hypnotics have the potential to be addictive, and all, even if they don't cause addiction, can cause dependency.

16:52🔗 Caller Okay.

16:53🔗 Drew Clonazepam is the safest in that whole class, and if you do not have a risk for addiction, if you're not an addict, you should feel free to take it. That's a low dose. It's a good medicine for generalized anxiety. You don't have a family history of addiction. You've never used drugs yourself, you've never been diagnosed with addiction. It's perfectly safe. However, occasionally, I've seen psychiatrists give clonazepam to addicts, and I've never seen an addict stay sober while taking that medicine.

17:16🔗 Adam What's the difference between clonazepam and clonazepam, and why can't they just make the words a little easier? You know what I mean?

17:23🔗 Drew Yes.

17:23🔗 Adam Everyone, so you know what this is? This is so all the laymen look like jackasses when they go, my doctor has me on Mcdouchara, McClase-douche.

17:36🔗 Drew No, there's still a throwback to alchemist. We have to use specialized languages and incantations to try to, part of the drama of being a healthcare provider.

17:46🔗 Adam Couldn't we just give them all numbers? I'm like, I'm on A1, I'm on A2, and go all the way through that, and then you go to the B1s and the B2s.

17:54🔗 Drew How about X, Y, B1, round, blue pill?

17:58🔗 Adam Yeah, or just call them by the shape. Yeah, because these poor people can never do it, and it's embarrassing.

18:04🔗 Seth Green I'm taking the triangles.

18:05🔗 Adam What's that, Seth?

18:06🔗 Seth Green I'm taking the triangles now.

18:09🔗 Adam That's a little odd. See, your lucky charms are vignagular. David, you're 17?

18:15🔗 Caller Yes, I have a question. First of all, I met a girl when I was at the KFC, and I went around, and she said I looked kind of cute, so I just wanted to talk to her, but I got kind of nervous.

18:27🔗 Adam You met a girl at Kentucky Fried Chicken?

18:30🔗 Caller Yeah, when I was in the drive-thru.

18:32🔗 Adam Were you working?

18:33🔗 Caller No, I was going around just to pick up some food for my mom and dad.

18:37🔗 Was she working?

18:38🔗 Caller Yes, she was.

18:38🔗 Adam All right.

18:40🔗 Caller And I just kind of got nervous, and she asked me if I lived around the area, and then she asked about my afro, and then I got kind of nervous, and when it was time to go, I just drove off without asking for a number or anything. I was just wondering.

18:52🔗 Adam Hold on a second. A guy with an afro eating fried chicken? I don't buy it. Thanks for... Drew wrote that down and slid it across the desk. David?

19:01🔗 Caller Yes.

19:02🔗 Adam You a black guy? Yes. That's where you get the afro?

19:04🔗 Caller Yes.

19:05🔗 Adam I got an afro, too, you know.

19:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

19:07🔗 Adam Now, why are you so panicky?

19:09🔗 Caller I'm nervous my mom's going to come in and try it.

19:12🔗 Adam I see. And how old was this lady?

19:14🔗 Caller She's about 17, 18. Uh-huh.

19:17🔗 Adam So she likes you and she works the drive-thru at the KFC.

19:21🔗 Caller Yes.

19:22🔗 Adam All right.

19:22🔗 Seth Green You're upset because you couldn't talk to her?

19:24🔗 Caller Well, I would just, I would just, you know, if an opportunity arise like that again, how would I?

19:28🔗 Adam Well, how do you know she, I mean, she just sized you up when you pulled up?

19:33🔗 Caller No, well, she gave me an extra five hot wings and then she was complimenting me. She gave me extra change.

19:39🔗 Seth Green David.

19:39🔗 Adam Hold on. I don't believe this. Let's just deal with extra hot wings. How about those wet naps? Did she throw some extra wet naps?

19:47🔗 Caller No, she did not.

19:49🔗 Adam I pioneered something called the wet nap in the mid-80s.

19:52🔗 Drew It was a totally different, totally different combination of two behaviors.

19:55🔗 Adam Totally different.

19:56🔗 Drew Yeah. David, maybe you do it while you were napping?

20:00🔗 Adam Yeah.

20:01🔗 Drew It was a nocturnal nap.

20:04🔗 Adam I whizzed on myself in my sleep just the other night, actually, about a week ago.

20:07🔗 Drew Did you really?

20:08🔗 Adam Yeah. Not proud of it, but yeah, in Vegas. Yeah.

20:11🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

20:12🔗 Adam Nice big whiz.

20:13🔗 Drew You were asleep for like two...

20:15🔗 Adam I had to take a whiz. Hey, David?

20:17🔗 Drew You were asleep for like two hours that night.

20:18🔗 Adam I whizz on myself when I'm asleep, I think, more than other adults do. I think other adults do it about every eight years, and I do it about every eight months.

20:26🔗 Drew I've not whizzed on myself in four or two.

20:28🔗 Adam You haven't? Seth?

20:29🔗 Seth Green It's been a little while, yeah.

20:31🔗 Adam Really? You guys not just saying that? No. Okay. I feel bad. David? Go back there and get her phone number.

20:38🔗 Caller Well, it's closed. I'm just wanting...

20:40🔗 Adam No, not tonight. Tomorrow.

20:41🔗 Drew David, here's the deal. There's no way, there's no cookbook, there's no guiding you through this. You just need experience laying it out there a little bit. Yeah. Doing it and doing it and doing it. Pretty soon, it will not be that big a deal.

20:53🔗 Adam Well, and here's the good news. It's drive-through. You're in your car.

20:57🔗 Drew Keep going.

20:58🔗 Adam I wish when I was in high school, I could have driven my car down the halls and asked women out. If you didn't get the right answer, you just step on it or start rolling the window up. It'd be like, hey, you want to go to the movie this weekend? Well, and I just start rolling the window up. Like, my aunt's coming in town. Thank you.

21:17🔗 Drew But you don't feel so insecure, you're not so exposed. You have a car around you.

21:20🔗 Adam Yeah, you're in your car. Don't pay with change and do a move like that. That's not going to work. But just pull up, ask her for a number, and either she says yes or no. And if she says no, you're gone. And then you can't go back there for a few months.

21:36🔗 Drew Maybe we should go out sometime. What do you think? That's it. That's simple.

21:38🔗 Adam Oh, I thought you were talking to me.

21:40🔗 Drew I am.

21:40🔗 Adam You want to hang out?

21:41🔗 Drew Well, that business about you whizzing yourself got me going.

21:44🔗 Adam Seth Green is our guest tonight. Rat Race is the name of the new movie. Also the Family Guy, my beloved Family Guy. We'll take ourselves a little break and we'll be back with a vibrator question after this. Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Seth Green is our guest tonight. Sorry. Seth, you know, because he's a good actor, he's in all those popular movies. He's got another popular one that's going to come out, Rat Race, which is coming out not this Friday, but the Friday after that, the 17th of August, right?

22:52🔗 Seth Green Yeah, we have confirmation.

22:54🔗 Adam And of course, the Family Guy, 930, every Wednesday night. I'm doing it on the TiVo tonight there, Drew. Drew, stop monkeying with your new email.

23:04🔗 Drew You're actually going to TiVo, that's great.

23:05🔗 Adam That's right. I got that TiVo thing, and I'm worried about myself now, because now, instead of averaging like 7.7 hours in front of the TV every day, I'm up to like nine and a half at this point. And it's the same way, but people go, people say to me all the time, you got to get hip with the computer, you got to get on that internet, you should see the porn, you'd love it. There's someone who's like, hey, I beat off three times a day already. What do you want me to do, pull my dick off? Are you kidding? Do you want me to sit and watch, look at more porn? Is that your plan?

23:42🔗 Drew No, they want you to pull your dick off, Adam.

23:44🔗 Adam Is that what you think?

23:45🔗 Drew That is the plan.

23:46🔗 It's the only way to kill the beast, is to separate its head from its body.

23:52🔗 Drew Do you want me to pull my dick off?

23:55🔗 Adam All right. Anderson wants another shot of Chris. You love Chris too, right? Anderson, you love the Family Guy Anderson?

24:03🔗 Drew I love that show.

24:04🔗 Adam I love that show too.

24:06🔗 Drew I hated Red Handed a lot.

24:07🔗 Adam He hated Red Handed, but he loves the Family Guy.

24:11🔗 Seth Green That's the difference between doing something for love or money.

24:13🔗 Adam I think whatever episode I guess starred in some episode is Death, which should be airing eventually too.

24:20🔗 Seth Green That was really funny.

24:21🔗 Adam Oh, good. But not as funny as Chris.

24:23🔗 Seth Green Wait, did you ever see it?

24:24🔗 Adam No, did it air?

24:25🔗 Seth Green I thought it did. Oh, you know what? Because we had that whole period of time where we recorded everything and then didn't air.

24:31🔗 Drew Another lost episode.

24:32🔗 Adam I did a little bit as the Grim Reaper, but I did a whole episode and that should come up. Give me a shot of Chris. Come on.

24:41🔗 Seth Green It's so awkward when you ask.

24:43🔗 Adam Come on, go back and read the bio. Keep reading the bio. It's real funny when you read the bio.

24:47🔗 Seth Green It's extra special.

24:50🔗 Caller At eight years old, Seth Green landed his first film assignment and coaxed John. These words are outscrewing.

25:05🔗 Seth Green My favorite thing is that you're just laughing. It doesn't matter what I say.

25:09🔗 Adam That's right. You could open the phone book as Chris and I would be laughing my ass off. Anderson, go get a phone book for the 11 o'clock hour.

25:19🔗 Drew Chelsea, 17, what's going on?

25:22🔗 Caller I was curious. Well, first of all, I want to say that I disagree with that one girl and I think you guys are all very sexy, including Seth. You're pretty hot, too. OK, but my question was that I've been using a vibrator for about a year and I was wondering if it desensitizes you or makes it harder to retrieve orgasm during sex.

25:42🔗 Drew It could a little bit. Some women complain about that.

25:45🔗 Caller Really?

25:45🔗 Drew For the most part, it's not a big deal.

25:47🔗 Adam OK. How often do you use it?

25:50🔗 Caller Like probably twice or three times a week. I'm not like obsessed with it or anything.

25:55🔗 Adam No, but you see, this is how women are. If man found a device that felt sensational on their penis, you think they'd just pull it out twice a week or would it be three or four times a day?

26:06🔗 Caller Yeah, it'd be three or four times a day.

26:07🔗 Adam Yeah, they'd have one that plugged into the cigarette lighter in the car so that they could get it on the way to work.

26:13🔗 Seth Green But you got homework and studying and stuff to do too, so you gotta make room for your daily activity.

26:18🔗 Adam She can use a vibrator while she's studying and I hear they're marketing one that has a pen on the back of it too.

26:25🔗 Caller No, but they do have the panty ones that you could just wear all day. You're shopping in the grocery store or something. Yeah.

26:33🔗 Seth Green I think when you get to the place where you're demanding that kind of stimulation, you're really missing out on the rest of your life.

26:40🔗 Drew How is it at 17 you come to have such a knowledge?

26:44🔗 Caller Well, me and my friend when we were in 6th grade went through her mom's door and we found all this stuff.

26:51🔗 Seth Green So to all the parents that are listening, so to all the parents that are listening, think carefully about what you leave of them.

26:58🔗 Caller We found the key. It was locked.

27:00🔗 Drew Oh my god. You must have gone on a whole mission to get that key and open it up.

27:05🔗 Caller We knew something was in there.

27:07🔗 Adam Listen, here's the whole thing about locking stuff, whether it's bathroom doors or drawers or whatever. I would say a full 90 percent of stuff that locks can be broken into quite easily by a novice. You know what I'm saying?

27:20🔗 Drew Yeah. Motivated, motivated.

27:21🔗 Adam Motivated, novice. So that the lock itself only acts as a motivator for the person who realizes there's got to be something good in this drawer, but it's an old cabinets, 90 years old, it's got 50 cents worth of lock, I can pick it with a hairpin and I'll be fine. But I'm going to have a safe when I'm a parent.

27:39🔗 Seth Green To keep all your vibrators in?

27:41🔗 Adam Vibrators, drugs, what have you. Hookers, bodies, whatever it is.

27:47🔗 Seth Green You're a portrait parent, Adam.

27:49🔗 Adam And I'm just going to keep it. Oh, here, we got a phone book. All right, now, we won't do it this break, but when we come back, Seth Green, as Chris, from the Family Guy, is going to read a page of the phone book.

28:05🔗 Caller Oh, boy. I know. Wink at the kids.

28:10🔗 Wonderful.

28:11🔗 Adam Lauren?

28:12🔗 Caller Yeah?

28:13🔗 Adam You're 13?

28:14🔗 Caller Yeah. I have a question for Seth. I wanted to know if he was going to do any more movies that are like reality TV. Like, in the future.

28:25🔗 Drew Reality TV shows.

28:26🔗 Caller Yeah, like, that are similar to it.

28:28🔗 Drew Are you making fun of reality TV?

28:30🔗 Caller Um, yeah.

28:31🔗 Caller Sort of. Kind of like that.

28:33🔗 Seth Green Um, I don't... I haven't read anything just yet that was like that. But if something...

28:39🔗 Drew That would be a no, Lauren. Where did you get the idea that he was doing something like that?

28:42🔗 Caller Um, from Rat Race. And I was just listening.

28:44🔗 Drew Oh, I see. I don't think Rat Race... We were equating it with the reality TV stuff.

28:49🔗 Seth Green Well, because it's like that where you have sort of semi-real people. But it's not based on reality.

28:53🔗 Yeah.

28:53🔗 Drew Not a reality TV thing.

28:55🔗 Caller Well, yeah. It's not based on reality because it's a movie.

28:57🔗 No, no.

28:57🔗 Drew But it's not about television.

28:59🔗 Caller Yeah, I know. But it's similar to it because it's like a race and a whole bunch of people trying to get one place.

29:04🔗 Seth Green Sure.

29:05🔗 Yeah.

29:06🔗 Seth Green I usually just... I mean, if I read something that I like that they want me to be in, and I can do it, I do it. But I haven't read anything like that to answer your question.

29:16🔗 Caller I also wanted to say that I think all of you are really, really nice looking.

29:22🔗 Adam Thank you, Lorne.

29:23🔗 Drew This is a living example of the psychology of the female human. One says that they all got to...

29:30🔗 Adam Oh yeah.

29:31🔗 Drew Now we're hot.

29:33🔗 Adam Yeah. As opposed to high school.

29:35🔗 Seth Green When you got three insecure guys sitting around microphones, it's every once in a while nice to be validated if that's what you're looking for.

29:41🔗 Adam It does feel good. All right. Let's talk to Stephanie, who's... It's funny, Lauren was banging away on Seth and his reality scripts, but it wasn't that interested in the answer that he gave. You read everything? Yeah. That seems like a lot of work to me. That seems like too much.

30:02🔗 Seth Green If something comes my way that is timed correctly. I'm doing a lot of stuff, so it's not even worth reading stuff because I can't do it.

30:09🔗 Drew Adam will not read, he will not try out.

30:11🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's how I got where I'm not.

30:15🔗 Seth Green But also the stuff that I get sent, that gets sent directly to me usually is pretty.

30:20🔗 Adam Pretty bad?

30:21🔗 Seth Green Yeah.

30:22🔗 Adam I mean, if your basic script is, let's say, 110 pages and it's junk, I mean, you'll know it in the first 10 pages?

30:33🔗 Seth Green You can tell pretty early. Just in the way that it's written and if it's trying to make a point early on, or if it's just kind of.

30:41🔗 Adam So you don't have to read cover to cover every crappy script that comes your way.

30:45🔗 Seth Green If I start reading, unless I find it offensive, unless it's just really offensive and I know right away that it's something I wouldn't want to do.

30:51🔗 Adam Like my KFC Afro joke?

30:54🔗 Seth Green Sure, if that had been on the first two pages, I probably would have stopped at three.

30:58🔗 Adam Stephanie?

30:59🔗 Caller Yeah, well first off, I'd like to say that girl is a complete moron, that I love Seth Green and I think you're really hot.

31:06🔗 Adam Yep, true, he is. Yeah, especially when he does a Chris voice, I start getting wood.

31:11🔗 Drew Stephanie, what's going on?

31:13🔗 Caller Okay, well lately, like the past month, every time I go to the bathroom, like I bleed.

31:21🔗 Drew Hmm, why don't you get that? Is it from the rectum, not from the bladder, right?

31:25🔗 Caller No, not from the bladder.

31:26🔗 Drew Why don't you get that checked out? It's a pretty serious issue.

31:30🔗 Caller What could it be?

31:32🔗 Drew Well, adults generally worry about polyps and diverticulitis and tumors, and it can be hemorrhoids, it can be problems with your blood clotting system. You can become iron deficient and anemic.

31:43🔗 Seth Green How serious is the bleeding?

31:44🔗 Drew Well, the 16-year-old, it can be very brisk and they can pass out very quickly.

31:50🔗 Adam What do you mean? Because you're putting too much kicking blood out?

31:53🔗 Drew Yeah, you can bleed to death. You can't reach in there and put your finger on it.

31:56🔗 Seth Green Well, that's what I mean.

31:56🔗 Adam You like cramp yourself to death?

31:59🔗 Seth Green How bad are you bleeding?

32:01🔗 Caller Well, it's not like that.

32:01🔗 Caller It's just like every time I go, I'll bleed.

32:05🔗 Caller But it doesn't like...

32:06🔗 Drew All right. Stephanie, you have to promise me you're going to get this checked out.

32:10🔗 Adam It can also be something not necessarily in the stool. Could be something from the anus, right?

32:15🔗 Drew And it could be something wrong with her blood clotting, that she's just spontaneously bleeding.

32:19🔗 Adam Hey, Stephanie. You know, I got to take one of these tests where I crap in an envelope and send it back to the lab. I can't eat red meat for like five days on day number four. Drew, tell me what to do. Anyway, you may have to take one of these tests yourself. But the point is...

32:36🔗 Drew She's got blood. We know there's blood there with her.

32:37🔗 Adam Big radio star like myself can crap an envelope. Surely you can.

32:41🔗 Caller Can it be like something else?

32:44🔗 Adam It can be a million things.

32:46🔗 Drew Stephanie, it can be a lot of things. But why won't you get it checked out? It's very significant that you do this. No one can tell you what it is or isn't until you get this checked out. And some of the things are serious.

32:59🔗 Caller Well, can it be just something not serious?

33:01🔗 Drew Yes it could.

33:02🔗 Yes it could.

33:03🔗 Adam But you don't know that.

33:05🔗 Caller What could have caused it though?

33:07🔗 Drew Let me go through the list again.

33:08🔗 Adam Hold on. Let me yell at her for a second. Hey, listen screwball. What the hell is going on with you? Are you going to school?

33:15🔗 Yeah.

33:15🔗 Adam I'd like to find your biology teacher and kick him right in the nuts. How the hell do we know what's going on with your ass? It can be something bad. Do you understand that?

33:24🔗 Yeah.

33:25🔗 Adam And if it is, it's important to get it early. All right?

33:28🔗 Caller All right.

33:29🔗 Adam Now, blood in the stool is a serious thing and you must go to a doctor and have this checked out.

33:34🔗 Caller Okay.

33:35🔗 Adam It's not like there's going to be some dude from gym class sitting in there laughing while this guy's checking you out. People are paid to do this. All right?

33:43🔗 Drew How often do you have a bowel movement?

33:45🔗 Caller Just like once in a while.

33:48🔗 Drew Once a week?

33:48🔗 Adam Let me write that down. Maybe three times a week.

33:51🔗 Drew Three times a week?

33:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

33:53🔗 Drew Are you constipated? No. You have diarrhea?

33:56🔗 Caller No. Well, kind of the first one though.

34:01🔗 Adam The first one which was the constipation or the first one a week?

34:04🔗 Caller Kind of. Sometimes.

34:06🔗 Adam Okay.

34:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:08🔗 Adam Listen, you'd make a lovely eyewitness. Could you imagine her in court?

34:13🔗 Drew Did they have gray hair?

34:15🔗 Adam Sort of. Kind of. Maybe.

34:17🔗 Drew Tall?

34:17🔗 Adam Sort of. Maybe. Sort of. Sort of tall, rangy, fat, medium shirt. It's kind of a black Chicano, sort of Asian American Indian Eskimo white guy. All right. Listen, Goofball, you go to the doctor. Don't mess around.

34:34🔗 What do you mean, don't mess around?

34:35🔗 Adam Go to the doctor. Oh. Stop trying to rationalize. Go to the doctor.

34:40🔗 You need to go to the doctor.

34:42🔗 Adam That's right.

34:43🔗 Caller And get checked out.

34:45🔗 Adam You know who that is. That's Warren G. Really? Wow. He's crazy, that Warren G. When was he in here?

34:54🔗 Drew A while ago.

34:54🔗 Adam All right. Oh, he was high?

34:56🔗 Oh, yeah. All right.

34:58🔗 Adam Seth Green's here, who's not high yet, but I think he's going to go blow a doobie in the parking lot because he's freaking out over your kids. Let me tell you a thing about Seth. He's an actor. An actor's care. You see? Do you know what I mean? I don't mean that in a bad way. But Drew's a doctor and I'm a carpenter. We don't care that much. Actors are concerned and Seth is horrified because he's hearing about all these people and all these problems.

35:24🔗 Seth Green I just forget what it's like.

35:25🔗 Adam You forget what it's like.

35:26🔗 Seth Green When I haven't been in here in a while.

35:27🔗 Adam Right. Yeah.

35:28🔗 Seth Green And then I come in and you get...

35:31🔗 Adam You're warming up now, right?

35:32🔗 Seth Green Yeah, I'm figuring it out.

35:33🔗 Adam Okay. When we return, Seth will read from the Pacific Bell Yellow Pages...

35:40🔗 Drew Smart Yellow Pages...

35:41🔗 Adam .as Chris from The Fabulous Family Guy.

35:46🔗 Drew Hello? Is this Loveline?

35:48🔗 Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

36:27🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Seth Green is our guest tonight. Rat Race is the movie he's in. Cuba Gooding Jr. is in that. John Cleese is in that. Who else is in that?

36:38🔗 Seth Green Rowan Atkinson.

36:40🔗 Adam Yeah, he's funny.

36:40🔗 Seth Green And Whoopi Goldberg.

36:42🔗 Adam She's not funny, but he's funny.

36:44🔗 Seth Green She's really funny. And Vince Villalph and Breckenmire, and Amy Smart.

36:50🔗 Adam So it's an all-star lineup.

36:53🔗 Seth Green Yep. We got three Oscar winners.

36:56🔗 Adam Wow.

36:56🔗 Seth Green Kathy Bates.

36:58🔗 Adam She's in it too?

36:59🔗 Seth Green She is, yeah.

36:59🔗 Adam Jesus Christ.

37:00🔗 Seth Green Yeah. Kremsley Krem, my friend.

37:02🔗 Adam This is coming out and I smell Oscar for Seth on this one. I haven't seen it yet, but I got a feeling.

37:07🔗 Seth Green You're so wrong.

37:09🔗 Adam It's high time you're recognized by the Academy. Been in this business for 28 years. You're 25 years old, and it's high time you'd be recognized. This is coming out a week from this Friday. Also in, of course, The Family Guy, which is a show I love, which is on Wednesday night, 9.30, right, Fox? It's on tonight. Yeah, I think it is. I set the old TiVo for it. Greg the Bunny, which is coming out on Fox. When?

37:36🔗 Seth Green It's going to be mid-season, like fall.

37:38🔗 Adam What is that?

37:39🔗 Seth Green It's really cool. I'm very excited about it. It's-

37:43🔗 Adam Animated?

37:44🔗 Seth Green No, it's live action and it's like Roger Rabbit, where the cartoons were alive.

37:48🔗 Adam Right.

37:49🔗 Seth Green Only it's puppets and the puppets are alive, and have lives outside of television show.

37:54🔗 Drew Puppet stuff or Lydsville, if you were talking about it.

37:56🔗 Seth Green But it's different than that because it's like as if puppets lived in your normal society as a minority and had racism, and alcohol addiction, and divorces, and job.

38:07🔗 Drew It shakes the clown meets Lydville.

38:09🔗 Adam So, but the puppet is within, is interacting with actors and human beings.

38:15🔗 Seth Green Multiple puppets.

38:16🔗 Adam And you do voice?

38:17🔗 Seth Green No, I'm just a guy. I'm just, I'm, Greg the Bunny is my roommate.

38:22🔗 Adam Greg the Bunny is a puppet?

38:23🔗 Seth Green Yeah.

38:23🔗 Adam And you're, Seth, you're his roommate.

38:26🔗 Seth Green Yeah.

38:27🔗 Adam Right, so it's not voiceover gig?

38:28🔗 Seth Green No, no.

38:29🔗 Adam Do you do that Chris voice anyway?

38:31🔗 Seth Green No.

38:32🔗 Adam You should do that.

38:33🔗 Seth Green I'll give it a shot.

38:34🔗 Adam Yeah, talk to the producers.

38:36🔗 Seth Green See if we can't work that in.

38:38🔗 Adam All right. And later, Seth is going to do read from the phone book, as Chris. Jared?

38:44🔗 Drew Where's the phone book?

38:45🔗 Adam I got it right in my lap.

38:46🔗 Seth Green Keeping it warm for me.

38:47🔗 Drew What's up, Jared?

38:48🔗 Not much. I'm just like two hours ahead of you, because I'm in the Midwest.

38:53🔗 Drew All right. Go ahead. Whatever.

38:55🔗 Adam Go ahead.

38:57🔗 So there's this girl, she's my best friend, and we've known each other for about four years really well. We're best friends. I've basically been in love with her the whole time, and I couldn't tell her because I didn't want to ruin the friendship. Then I went off to college last year.

39:16🔗 Adam Well, you couldn't tell her because you were scared.

39:18🔗 Well, yeah.

39:19🔗 Adam Right.

39:19🔗 Drew Yeah. The dynamic there always is, is a reason you're in Friendville. You know you belong in Friendville. You know if you tell her, you may be ejected from Friendville, and you certainly aren't going anywhere else.

39:28🔗 Adam You got a gut feeling she's not into you.

39:30🔗 But no, I finally told her.

39:32🔗 Adam Oh, good.

39:32🔗 You didn't let me finish the story.

39:34🔗 Drew But I'm sure nothing happened.

39:35🔗 Adam Oh, well, leave him alone. Okay.

39:37🔗 So in January, I told her how I felt.

39:39🔗 Adam Right.

39:40🔗 And she told me she felt the same way. But at the time, she didn't want to do anything about it because she was still a senior in high school, and I was a freshman in college, and we were both kind of in two different spaces in our life, which I agreed with. And I didn't want to do anything at the time, but I felt I should tell her how I felt.

39:58🔗 Adam Well, how far away were you from her when you told her?

40:02🔗 Like miles?

40:03🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean...

40:04🔗 We were face to face when we talked about this.

40:06🔗 Adam Right, and you...

40:08🔗 But I only lived at the time like 30 miles away from her house.

40:12🔗 Adam And did you say you went off to college, though?

40:15🔗 Yeah.

40:16🔗 Adam But you didn't go out of town?

40:18🔗 No, I did. It was a really weird situation I went to. She used to live in the same town I did, and I had already gotten accepted to my private school and everything that I went to, and she ended up moving to the town that was only like 20 minutes away from there.

40:31🔗 Adam Okay, so distance wasn't a factor.

40:34🔗 No.

40:35🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, that's bad. Like, the only way I was going to let this one go is if you were in another... shut up... in another state, and she was like, I don't want to start dating a guy who's out of state.

40:46🔗 Yeah.

40:46🔗 Adam But if you guys lived, you know, in fairly close proximity to each other, and she said, I feel the same way, we just can't do anything because you're great above me.

40:55🔗 Well, there was no way for us to see each other, though.

40:57🔗 Adam Why not?

40:58🔗 Because I didn't have a car.

41:00🔗 Adam You're 30 miles away?

41:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:02🔗 Drew Does she have a car?

41:03🔗 Caller No, you're not allowed to on campus.

41:05🔗 Seth Green Are there any trains in the state?

41:06🔗 Drew Did she have a car?

41:08🔗 Caller Not really.

41:10🔗 Adam Not really.

41:10🔗 Caller Family shared car.

41:13🔗 Drew She had access to a car.

41:14🔗 Adam If she was Indian, she could find a car.

41:16🔗 Drew You bet she would.

41:17🔗 Caller Yeah, and well okay, since I've told her this now, like ever since then she's been extra flirty and basically I've been talking to my friends and we basically have a relationship just without her admitting to it and I don't know what to say to her.

41:33🔗 Adam It's the same one I had with Adrienne Barbeau growing up. She just wouldn't admit it, but I knew she was into me. Hey Jared, here's one of those things and this is how every one of these questions go. I'm going to put Jared on hold for a second. This is a strictly male fantasy.

41:51🔗 Seth Green Have they been intimate? Is there any kind of genuine connection?

41:54🔗 Adam No, I'm going no.

41:55🔗 Drew Let's just ask.

41:56🔗 Adam Jared, have you ever been intimate with her?

42:00🔗 Caller No, I won't allow it until we're actually in a relationship.

42:02🔗 Drew Right, hold on. I think you were in a relationship.

42:04🔗 Adam You won't allow it. Here's how every one of these goes. Guy calls and says, I was into a chick. I've been into her for four years. I didn't want to make a move because I didn't want to jeopardize a friendship. Then I chime in and say, you didn't want to make a move because she don't like you. She's not into you that way. She's into you as a friend. They go, no, no, no. Let me finish the story.

42:25🔗 Drew Yeah, always let me finish too. You jumped in too fast. Right.

42:28🔗 Adam Then they go on to say exactly, make my point, maybe even stronger than I could have made it because sometimes I'm high or drunk.

42:35🔗 Drew No, they tell the story in a way that's almost more touching, poignant, painfully poignant.

42:39🔗 Adam They spin it their own way. But here it is in a nutshell. They've known each other for four years, been best friends. He's been madly in love with her for four years. She felt the same way, although magically nothing ever happened. How often does that happen? I mean, it happens in movies, but not in reality. Two people really into each other, four years, age 15 to 19 or whatever, something hits. Then he confronts her and she says, I felt the same way about you or feel the same way about you, but since you're great above me and I don't have steady transportation, let's just hold off on it. Listen, if she was really into him, when he told her they would have started making out for Christ's sake.

43:21🔗 Drew Of course.

43:21🔗 Adam Now, Jared's a smart guy, but smart hurts you when it comes to trying to get laid. It's really like being a smart boxer.

43:29🔗 Drew Yeah, it's rationalizing.

43:31🔗 Adam It doesn't work. It doesn't help. Jared?

43:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

43:34🔗 Drew All right.

43:34🔗 Adam So we got to get you into reality here.

43:36🔗 Caller All right.

43:37🔗 Adam This one ain't working out. You spend too much time thinking about this. Meanwhile, keeps you out of the game. There's a million. There's, I'm sure there's a million factors, but they all point in one direction, which is zero land. You get nothing. Okay. You keep rationalizing and spinning it and twisting it. What do you mean she feels the same way about you, but you're not going to see her? Why not?

44:02🔗 Caller Because we just couldn't. I mean, why not?

44:05🔗 Drew If she felt the way you did, you'd be, you guys would be all over each other that moment. You're ready. You're in the starting blocks waiting to go.

44:14🔗 Caller I guess, but I'm not that kind of a person, though.

44:16🔗 Adam That kind of person who what? Has a relationship?

44:19🔗 Caller No. I mean, I just, I don't, I don't know.

44:23🔗 Seth Green I hear what you're saying, that you want to have a relationship with her. I don't want it before you're going to be like physical with her.

44:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

44:30🔗 Seth Green And she's not committing to you in any kind of relationship. So you don't want to, so you don't want to be physical with her.

44:34🔗 Caller Exactly.

44:34🔗 Seth Green There's nothing wrong with that. But, but the point is, you're kind of torturing yourself.

44:39🔗 Drew She's not having a relationship with you, Jared. You've got to come to grips with her.

44:42🔗 Adam You're having a relationship with her.

44:44🔗 Seth Green If you guys had a good friendship and that's, and that's what it was and in the distance or during whatever extenuating circumstances there are, you guys can be friends, be happy with that. Don't try and make it more than it is when it can't be that way.

44:57🔗 Drew It can't be that way or it would already be that way.

45:00🔗 Seth Green If you give them the benefit of the doubt and say, all right, there's something else going on, just assume that we don't know everything about it.

45:07🔗 Adam No, I know everything. There's a reason why you have four years of nothing. Yeah.

45:11🔗 Caller Well, also you have to remember for three and a half of those years she thought I was gay. There you go.

45:17🔗 Adam She may have been on to something. Why did she think you were gay?

45:22🔗 Caller Because it was a long story.

45:24🔗 Adam All right. Well, Jared, you're blowing this guy. She saw some pictures. I know. Jared, you're a virgin, right?

45:31🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

45:31🔗 Adam Okay. This is why you'll be a virgin till you're 40 if you keep banging away at her. There's nothing there. Are you straight?

45:38🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

45:39🔗 Adam Okay. Then go find yourself a girl. You're in college, right?

45:42🔗 Caller Yes.

45:43🔗 Adam Find a nice college girl for yourself.

45:45🔗 Caller All right.

45:46🔗 Adam She ain't into it. You know it in the back of your mind. It's not even in the back. It's in the middle.

45:52🔗 Caller Well, if it was though, I mean, I think I'd have enough brains to know that though.

45:56🔗 Adam Hey, Jared, you're a smart guy, but like I said, that never helps you get laid. It hurts. And if you want, if you're sure of this and you got way of us, we can call her up and get to the bottom of this right now. But I'm guessing you'll never go for that.

46:09🔗 Caller She's on vacation right now.

46:10🔗 Adam That's right. You have no way to reach her, right?

46:13🔗 Caller Well, no. I mean, I have the number, but I'm not going to.

46:16🔗 Drew That's what he's. This is that same reasoning. That was that reasoning in Living Gala right there.

46:20🔗 Adam You got a million.

46:21🔗 Caller Well, the thing is, like yesterday, she calls me from vacation and she never calls anyone from vacation with her family. And she's just like, oh my God, I miss you so much and I love you so much. She tells me this.

46:33🔗 Adam She likes the attention. She loves the attention.

46:35🔗 Drew She's tormenting you.

46:36🔗 Adam Jared, we'll call her tomorrow if you want to call, if you want to get her number.

46:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

46:40🔗 Adam Yeah, you're not going to do it because you know what the answer is.

46:43🔗 Drew You don't want to know.

46:43🔗 Adam Here's the thing about all these guys. They know what the answer is. If you thought the answer was yes, you would go ask. It's like this. If you go into your boss's office and you think you're this close to get fired, you're not going to go in there and ask for a raise. If you think you deserve a raise, you'll march right into the office. It's all about you'll know what the answer and it's fantasy that Jared is living in. And Drew and I have done that in our lives. Seth has too for the sake of argument.

47:10🔗 Seth Green Sure.

47:10🔗 Adam And we're giving you tough love. We'll be back.

47:16🔗 Caller Um, back in a minute.

47:54🔗 Adam Hey, Loveline everybody, I'm Adam, that's Gru, phone number 1-800-LOV. Seth Green is our guest tonight. Seth, you know, from all the Austin Powers movies, and is there going to be a third one of those?

48:07🔗 Seth Green That's what I'm hearing.

48:08🔗 Adam But no, really?

48:09🔗 Seth Green Yeah, there hasn't been any kind of official. I haven't read anything. So I hear it the same as everybody else here.

48:14🔗 Adam But you figure you'd definitely in if they do it, right?

48:18🔗 Seth Green Cross my fingers.

48:19🔗 Adam Then you hold out for some more money. Rat Race is the new movie. That's an all-star lineup. Three Academy Awards in that. And that's just in the talent department. I'm sure there's more in this cinematography and directing and stuff like that. That's coming out a week from this Friday. Greg the Bunny coming out on Fox this fall. And of course, the Family Guy.

48:39🔗 Seth Green Hey, you know, I actually wanted to mention something else. I'm producing this stop motion series on the Internet at screenblast.com.

48:47🔗 Adam And how does that work?

48:48🔗 Seth Green It's great. My friend, Matthew Senrash, and I produced this show with this company, Shadow Machine. And we made, you know, like Nightmare Before Christmas, that kind of animation only with toys. So we did 12 of them. And they're going to show them on this website, Screenblast.

49:04🔗 Adam And it's, well, I don't think of Nightmare Before Christmas. I think of Davey and Goliath.

49:09🔗 Seth Green Yeah, it's that same style of animation.

49:11🔗 Drew Gumby, to get really specific.

49:13🔗 Adam Gumby.

49:14🔗 Seth Green Yeah, it's a little bit more refined than that. And we just use all old toys.

49:18🔗 Adam Hey, Goliath, I bet if we stole dad's car, we'd get to church faster. I don't know, Davey.

49:25🔗 Seth Green It was great.

49:25🔗 Adam I used to watch that show as a kid. You kids, you goddamn kids, you got it so good, we had nothing when I was growing up. I was forced to watch shows that were sort of religious parables, you know, out of clay. I'm some atheist kid sitting in Philadelphia at eight years old, watching things with like strong moral messages in them. And the worst, just the worst. I mean, David, the lion.

49:47🔗 I really liked it too, yeah.

49:49🔗 Adam Yeah, look at me, I'm a mess. When we just watch these things about this little religious kid who's very religious, but he strays from the flock a little bit, you know, he has his own ideas. Never, never anything juicy, just certain stuff. Like one time we made fun of a blind. I remember one episode, there was a deaf person. And the deaf person was like crossing the street and a bus was coming. And he was yelling, get out of the way, get out of the way. And then, you know, they just made it out of the way and he started yelling at him. And I'm like, you idiot, didn't you see, didn't you hear that bus coming or whatever? And like Dave went, he's deaf. And then he was like, oh, I didn't know. What would God want me to do and all that stuff? I sat and endured that. Did you watch that, Drew? You didn't watch Dave Engelard?

50:31🔗 Drew I've seen it. I remember seeing it. Because isn't there like two of them in like a sunset at the end kind of thing? Almost like that. They walk away in the sunset at the end. Yeah.

50:40🔗 Adam I don't know, baby.

50:40🔗 Drew I never watched a whole episode. I never watched a whole episode.

50:43🔗 Adam All right. So this is going to be- give the web address out one more time.

50:47🔗 Seth Green It's screenblast.com. And there's the first episode is up now, but the rest of them are going to start in September.

50:52🔗 Adam And is it claimated?

50:54🔗 Seth Green No, it's all stop motion using like toys and old toys.

50:58🔗 Adam Oh, once you recognize them.

51:00🔗 Drew That looks like incredibly work intensive.

51:03🔗 Seth Green It's really intensive. We had a team of animators and we had like six stages going at the same time. So they were producing- I mean, they were generating an unbelievable like, you know, 30 to 40 seconds a day, which is huge.

51:17🔗 Adam I think the guy who did Gumbi was really high, by the way. I think I heard about that. All those black heads and everything, crazy tinkered toys. Okay. And also Seth is going to read from the phone book as Chris from the Family Guy.

51:33🔗 Caller I love that you're touting it.

51:34🔗 Adam After the next call.

51:35🔗 Drew Promoting it.

51:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:36🔗 Adam Well, listen, I rarely enjoy myself here. This is some real enjoyment for me and Engineer Anderson who really enjoys that too. Katrina?

51:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:46🔗 Adam You're 24?

51:47🔗 Caller Yeah. That's me.

51:48🔗 I have to set the record straight.

51:50🔗 Caller First of all, Seth, I've seen you in person and you are totally hot.

51:53🔗 Adam Yeah.

51:55🔗 Seth Green Thanks.

51:56🔗 Caller Once and for all. I saw you on Politically Incorrect and your intellect totally adds to your aesthetics. You're totally right up there.

52:03🔗 Seth Green I appreciate that.

52:04🔗 Caller But my question is...

52:05🔗 Adam Right. If he was a doofus or a racist, he'd be butt ugly.

52:09🔗 Caller No. Hotness totally adds to... You have to be intelligent.

52:12🔗 If you can't be big word...

52:13🔗 Seth Green I do like a world that qualifies people by their intellect and intelligence, though.

52:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

52:17🔗 Drew Too bad we don't exist in that world. What's up, Katrina?

52:19🔗 Yeah.

52:21🔗 Adam When you take a rocket ship there, take me with you. Go ahead, Katrina.

52:24🔗 Caller Working on it. I am allergic to latex and I've always wanted to do the one-night stand thing, but I've been totally afraid to because I don't have protection.

52:33🔗 Seth Green Why do you want to do that?

52:35🔗 Caller Huh?

52:35🔗 Seth Green Why do you want to do that?

52:37🔗 Caller Well, I just never have and I don't, not to say I'm ready to do it, but if that's ever going to happen...

52:40🔗 Seth Green I've never cut my hand off. I don't have a burning desire to.

52:43🔗 Caller What?

52:43🔗 Seth Green I've never cut off any limbs, but you know, I don't have a burning desire to...

52:46🔗 Drew Well, she's not talking about making a habit of this. She just wants to experience it.

52:49🔗 Caller Well, not even... No. I mean, I'm not going to go out looking for it, but if something happened, I've always not been able to, or even just I'm really afraid to get into relationships because I am allergic to latex.

52:59🔗 Drew Huh.

52:59🔗 Caller Like to get into sexual... Because I don't want no funkies, you know. I kind of like what I got going on. So, I bought some.

53:05🔗 Seth Green But there are alternatives.

53:06🔗 Drew Yeah, lots of alternatives.

53:09🔗 Adam This is keeping you out of a relationship?

53:12🔗 Caller Huh?

53:12🔗 Seth Green Wait, you said you bought something?

53:14🔗 Caller Yeah, I got this product by Durex called Duvanti, and I'm pretty sure it's polyurethane.

53:18🔗 Drew That's fine.

53:19🔗 Caller But I didn't know if... It says on the package that, you know, things as small as viruses like HIV cannot pass through, but yet there's not testing. I didn't know...

53:29🔗 Drew There actually was recently some testing that showed that HIV was well protected against by condoms. And I just think this whole kind of thing sounds more like an excuse for you.

53:39🔗 Adam You know, what's up? Where's Daddy?

53:41🔗 Caller Where's Daddy?

53:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

53:44🔗 Caller Daddy's in another state, but that's, I mean...

53:46🔗 Adam What's up?

53:48🔗 Caller Nothing's up. I just was totally curious. I...

53:50🔗 Adam You talked to Daddy?

53:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:52🔗 Adam You love him?

53:53🔗 Caller Of course.

53:54🔗 Adam Was he there for you growing up?

53:56🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:56🔗 Adam Anyone die?

53:58🔗 Caller Anyone die?

53:58🔗 Caller Is that what you said?

53:59🔗 Adam Anyone die on you, yeah.

54:00🔗 Caller Oh, no. I mean, normal things happen.

54:03🔗 Adam Drew, don't punch the mic, you idiot. What about Mom?

54:07🔗 Caller Mom's... Mom. Mom's just like a normal mom. I don't know.

54:12🔗 Caller I was just really curious about...

54:13🔗 Adam Parents still together?

54:15🔗 Caller Huh?

54:15🔗 Adam Parents still together?

54:16🔗 Caller No, uh-uh.

54:17🔗 Adam When did they break up?

54:18🔗 Caller Oh, when I was a kid. I had no idea I was going to be psychoanalyzed.

54:23🔗 Your dad moved away?

54:25🔗 Drew Your dad moved away?

54:26🔗 Caller Well, he moved away because, you know, they've been divorced for a while and he wanted to get away, but that's... I mean...

54:32🔗 Drew Yeah, how old were you when he moved away?

54:34🔗 Caller Oh, not till maybe almost 18 or something like that.

54:39🔗 Adam So, you visited him and he paid attention to you, took care of you? All right. Any boyfriends?

54:46🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, I'm not afraid to get in a relationship to the point where I don't get in them. I just am really careful and cautious because I really respect my body and want to keep it healthy.

54:58🔗 Adam Never get molested?

55:00🔗 Caller No, uh-uh.

55:01🔗 Adam When did you lose your virginity?

55:03🔗 Caller Like 14.

55:05🔗 Adam How old is the guy?

55:06🔗 Caller 21.

55:07🔗 Drew Ooh.

55:08🔗 Caller Oh, boy. I know it's awful.

55:10🔗 Adam What's up?

55:11🔗 Caller What do you mean, what's up?

55:12🔗 Adam Well, what happened there?

55:13🔗 Caller I'm 24 now. It's been a long time and I'm a lot smarter and wiser to not...

55:16🔗 Drew Yeah, but that happened to you, though.

55:19🔗 Caller Yeah.

55:20🔗 Adam Yeah. What happened?

55:21🔗 Caller What do you mean, what happened?

55:23🔗 Adam Well, was this guy your boyfriend or...?

55:25🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, he was like my boyfriend for like a year and a half.

55:28🔗 Drew 21-year-old boyfriend?

55:28🔗 Caller Now looking back, I don't even have a clue what was going on in his head.

55:33🔗 Drew Yeah, he was an asshole. What was going on in your head?

55:37🔗 Caller I was very naïve and ignorant.

55:40🔗 Seth Green What about your folks? Where were they? If he was your boyfriend for like a year and a half, they had to know him.

55:47🔗 Drew Or did you hide it?

55:48🔗 Caller I hid it a lot of times for a while. I was kind of a mischievous youth.

55:54🔗 Drew Why?

55:55🔗 Caller Why was I mischievous?

55:56🔗 Drew Yeah, did you have any sense of what was going on with you?

56:00🔗 Caller I think I just was really rebelling against structure. I was raised in a really religious family, and I just wasn't into that and was kind of like black and white instead of being able to do gray. You know what I'm talking about? So I think that's what was going on at the time. So I mean, that's way back in the day.

56:18🔗 Adam Well, there's more here than meets the initial eye or ear. That's what I'm saying. We both got a little energy vibe off of you.

56:26🔗 Caller Well, you hit me by shock. I didn't know I was going to be psychoanalyzed. I was looking at this purely a medical perspective.

56:32🔗 Adam I know, but that's fine. It makes it a more pure discussion. I mean, you want to prepare for this.

56:38🔗 Caller I'm sure I've got issues. Everyone's got issues.

56:40🔗 Adam That's right.

56:43🔗 Caller I'm enjoying life and going through those and developing as a woman, so...

56:47🔗 Adam Okay. Well, you just seemed a little preoccupied with the disease and the condoms. When's the last time you had a long relationship?

56:56🔗 Caller I just got out of one a couple weeks ago, actually.

56:58🔗 Drew What did you use for birth control with that one?

57:01🔗 Caller I just used the pill because I didn't want to get pregnant.

57:03🔗 Drew I waited. We both got drained for STDs. So you're able to do that. You know how to do that. Stay with the polyurethane. I think that's absolutely fine. Don't worry.

57:12🔗 Adam Maybe I'm a guy who flings fecal matter at my friends and would sleep with like a bisexual African bison. Right. Right. And not think twice about it. So it's always peculiar to me when somebody worries a little too much about it.

57:35🔗 Seth Green When somebody's got respect for their body.

57:38🔗 Adam What was that word he used?

57:39🔗 Seth Green Respect.

57:39🔗 Adam Yeah. That's the word. That's it.

57:42🔗 Seth Green Somebody treats themselves.

57:43🔗 Adam I've heard that one before. Matt.

57:46🔗 Oh, hi.

57:47🔗 Adam Matt, you're 14.

57:48🔗 Caller Hi. Yeah. I'm feeling insecure. So I'll say you're all really hot too.

57:52🔗 Drew Great.

57:54🔗 Adam Hey, you ever watch a Family Guy, Matt?

57:56🔗 Caller Yeah. It's great. I love that show.

57:57🔗 Drew Oh, it's maybe a-

57:58🔗 Adam That's why I think Seth's going to have to read the phone book right now. It's Chris. And ironically enough, I opened it up. I just cracked it open.

58:06🔗 Seth Green I'll tell you why don't I just try and counsel Matt.

58:09🔗 Adam Hold on. I just cracked it open and it was right to AIDS and abortion.

58:12🔗 Drew Family planning right there.

58:13🔗 Adam Yeah. Great. So I saw an ad for the woman's center of- in Westwood or something at the bottom. And I just thought it might be interesting to read. You don't have to read the phone number or anything, but just- just take a look at the ad. I put a little arrow to it there, might kind of- kind of interesting.

58:29🔗 Caller At the Westwood Women's Center, we help you with outpatient same day surgery. You can walk in and have a free pregnancy test. If someone put a baby inside you, you're going to know about it.

58:47🔗 Adam I think you went off script for that one. One more line, come on, one more.

58:52🔗 Caller We give you local or general anesthesia, so they numb you up and make you not feel things.

59:04🔗 Adam Hi there, Matt. Hi.

59:06🔗 Caller Yeah, that's good times. I don't want to be a douchenozzle to you, Adam, but-

59:11🔗 Drew Douchenozzle, whoa, we haven't heard that word a long time.

59:14🔗 Adam Yeah. You want to know what's it? Okay, hold on a second.

59:17🔗 Seth Green That's a specific device based in fact.

59:22🔗 Adam Here's the thing that I find interesting in life. We were talking on the air about Kentucky Fried Chicken. I compared Drew to Colonel Sanders in the first hour. Then a guy called up about three and a half, four minutes later and told the story about going through Kentucky Fried Chicken. He had been on hold for about 20 minutes. It's not like he heard us talking about it and then called up. Tonight, I was taking a little walk around my neighborhood. I got a call today and they said, you want to go on Kilbourne on Friday. I thought, all right. I was walking around the neighborhood and I was thinking to myself, jeez, what am I going to talk about on Kilbourne? Then I thought, what's the last time I was on Kilbourne? What did I talk about? I thought, you know what? I talked about douchenozzles. I was talking about how you hear about the douchbag all the time, but what about the nozzle? What about the nozzle of the douchbag? Isn't that a better name? You shouldn't call guys an old douchbag. You should call a guy douchenozzle. That's a better term.

1:00:23🔗 Drew Why do we pick on the bag?

1:00:25🔗 Adam Leave the bag alone. Let's focus on the nozzle for a moment. I was thinking about that as I was walking around, and I've not said douchenozzle on this show in 18 months.

1:00:36🔗 Seth Green It's kind of marked on the calendar.

1:00:37🔗 Adam And no one else has mentioned that, but here we go. Here's Matt bringing up douchenozzles. I was thinking about it hours ago as I walked.

1:00:47🔗 Caller Yeah, it's just that ever since you used that, me and my friends have called each other that for like ever.

1:00:53🔗 Adam I would like to replace douchbag. It's good for cabbies. Hey, douchenozzle, move your ass. You old douchenozzle, what do you know? You could even go like, I could give two douchenozzles for your opinion.

1:01:08🔗 Drew Here's the way it really rolls off your tongue. That douchenozzle is such a jackhole.

1:01:13🔗 Adam Yes, thank you. All right, go ahead, Matt.

1:01:19🔗 Caller I wanted to ask Dr. Drew, you were a doctor before you got into radio, and I wanted to know how you could be a full-time doctor and still get into radio and basically like how did you do that?

1:01:32🔗 Drew Total accident.

1:01:33🔗 Adam Blew the program, director.

1:01:35🔗 Drew I still am a full-time doctor. So radio has always been something I've just kind of done. I did it for 10 years for free, thinking I was just doing community service. I just thought I was doing something interesting and just trying to help people, and did it for years and years and years, and then all of a sudden, actually it wasn't until they decided to put this thing on Five Nights a Week here in Los Angeles, it was the week they decided to do that, was the week my wife got pregnant with triplets.

1:02:01🔗 Adam Right. Did you ever find that dude, by the way?

1:02:03🔗 Drew No, I haven't found him yet. She literally said, that's it. If you're going to go out of the house, it's no more community service. It's a job. You go down there and have them pay you for this. So I went down and...

1:02:13🔗 Adam Right. What did Tripp Reeve, the general manager of K-Rock, agree to pay you? $15 a show?

1:02:20🔗 Drew $50.

1:02:21🔗 Adam $50 a show. That old douche nozzle. He'd hop in his turbo Porsche and he'd be like, we can only afford $50 a show because I got to build another house in the Palisades.

1:02:33🔗 Drew But then there was a contract.

1:02:36🔗 Adam Right. That was next to nothing. All right, Matt. There you go. Good times there, buddy. Right. His initial proposal to me was I will pay you. You will be the highest paid part-time employee on the radio station. It's like a booger man was getting like $175 a week for driving a van part-time. I was going to get like $185. That's where I came out with my good line, which is one of my only few good lines in life, which I said, look, Tripp, I'll do this show for free. I'm not interested in the money. But I'm also not interested in getting anyone else. I'm not interested in getting rich, but I'm not interested in making anyone else rich. I just want whatever my cut is. And I figure now I'm almost up to 1%. I want to talk to Daniel, who's 14, he's got a question for Seth. Daniel?

1:03:30🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:03:30🔗 Adam What's up?

1:03:31🔗 Caller Yeah. Seth? Yeah? What was your favorite movie you ever done?

1:03:35🔗 Like favorite project?

1:03:41🔗 Seth Green Uh, I had a really good time on Can't Hardly Wait. Had a lot of fun doing that. Had a lot of fun doing Austin Powers too.

1:03:46🔗 Caller You did?

1:03:47🔗 Seth Green Yeah. But honestly, I mean-

1:03:49🔗 Adam But you gotta choose one.

1:03:51🔗 Drew Austin Powers looked like fun.

1:03:52🔗 Seth Green It was a lot of fun. The thing that I've had the most fun on to date was this animation thing that I did, just because my friend and I, it was all us as friends making this thing.

1:04:02🔗 Drew No, wait a minute. That's just something you just completed though too.

1:04:05🔗 Seth Green No, we did it. It was all last year. It was all last year. That's what we did. It was the coolest thing that I got to do just because we literally got together and made this thing. We were going to finance it ourselves before somebody else gave us money to do it.

1:04:16🔗 Adam You're talking about the stop motion?

1:04:18🔗 Seth Green Yeah. It was nobody else. We were the producers of it. We were the people calling the shots, and we just got a bunch of people together. It was a really friendly, really fun atmosphere instead of feeling like a job or like work.

1:04:30🔗 Adam Right.

1:04:31🔗 Seth Green I had a great time doing that.

1:04:32🔗 Adam Hey, Daniel.

1:04:33🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:04:33🔗 Adam Thanks for the question.

1:04:34🔗 Caller All right.

1:04:35🔗 Adam Take care.

1:04:36🔗 Caller All right. Thanks, Clay.

1:04:37🔗 Adam All right. Good time. Let's talk to Keith. Keith?

1:04:40🔗 Yes, sir.

1:04:41🔗 Adam You're 37.

1:04:42🔗 Caller That is correct.

1:04:43🔗 Adam What's up?

1:04:43🔗 Caller I've got a problem. It's recently become more intense as the heat of the summer. Basically, I'll come right out and say it, about approximately two minutes into intercourse, the head of my penis becomes so large and it stays that way until even after I climax, that pulling out is actually difficult.

1:05:15🔗 Drew This is commonly known as the Jimmy Kimmel Mushroom Penis.

1:05:20🔗 Adam How dare you attack my partner and sometimes lover Jimmy Kimmel.

1:05:24🔗 Caller Am I right about that?

1:05:25🔗 Adam Well, he irritated his penis from beating off too much when he was 15.

1:05:31🔗 Drew Until he described himself as very similar to what Keith got going on here.

1:05:36🔗 Caller There's actually a medical term?

1:05:37🔗 Drew No, no.

1:05:38🔗 Adam Yes, it's called the Jimmy Kimmel Beat Off Theorem. So, listen.

1:05:44🔗 Caller What got me was the call screener. He actually asked me, you wait till 37 to ask about this. And I thought, well, what would I do at age 19? Hello, Dr. Yep.

1:05:54🔗 Adam Well, that's what you could have done. It's always been this way?

1:05:59🔗 Caller It's, yeah.

1:06:01🔗 Adam So you got like a mushroom for a dork?

1:06:06🔗 Caller Well, the problem is, not that it gets big. The problem is that it will not go down until after, and, you know, here I am in Southern California with this heat wave.

1:06:18🔗 Adam Listen, hold on. You're in Bakersfield. I don't count that as Southern California. What does the heat have to do with it? That's not what people think about it. Yeah. But what about the heat?

1:06:27🔗 Drew What does the heat have to do with anything?

1:06:29🔗 Caller Well, when you're forced to lay on top until everything goes down.

1:06:33🔗 Adam You're sweating?

1:06:34🔗 Caller Correct.

1:06:34🔗 Adam Right.

1:06:35🔗 Drew It's uncomfortable.

1:06:35🔗 Adam Sometimes the hooker will charge you for a second session.

1:06:40🔗 Drew How long does it take to go down?

1:06:41🔗 Caller I'd say probably seems longer. I'd realistically about four minutes.

1:06:47🔗 Adam All right. That's long though. Let me get something straight, Keith. If you were masturbating and I walked in on you, and I saw your wrecked penis, and let's say I dropped my pant, no, I saw your wrecked penis, would I go, oh my God, what's up with that thing?

1:07:10🔗 Caller It's definitely ratio-wise compared to the, I guess, what would you say, the shaft? Yeah, you probably would.

1:07:17🔗 Adam I mean, the average penis, let's try to figure this out, Drew. The average penis head is probably sticks out 20% more, wider than the shaft.

1:07:30🔗 Drew 10 to 20%, yeah.

1:07:31🔗 Adam I mean, it's pretty nominal.

1:07:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:07:33🔗 Adam All the way around.

1:07:34🔗 Drew But Keith sounds like he's like a 50% or something.

1:07:37🔗 Caller Well, even that's not the problem. The problem is with it reducing its size afterwards.

1:07:42🔗 Drew I understand.

1:07:43🔗 Adam Right, but no, no, that's not the problem. Because if the thing, and you see, here's what I can't hold on.

1:07:49🔗 Drew It hangs up. That's the problem.

1:07:51🔗 Adam Let me put Keith on hold here because here's what he's saying. He's saying, well, my penis swells up when I'm inside a woman. I have to wait for it to go down to get it out of a woman. And then we say, well, you have this sort of freakishly large head. And he's like, no, that's not really the problem. The problem is that it won't go down. But why does it have to go down if it's not freakishly large?

1:08:11🔗 Drew Right, because it goes in and come out.

1:08:13🔗 Adam Yeah, just like your penis. I don't wait for my penis to deflate before I pull it out.

1:08:17🔗 Drew Yeah, I've been asking you to, but...

1:08:20🔗 Adam No such luck. That's what I say when we're on the road. Drew, I agreed to having the TV on. Now that's enough. Just focus. And please, hang up with your wife. It's very distracting. I can hear her through the earpiece. Yeah, I mean, if your penis, if the head of your penis was not 50% larger than the shaft, then why doesn't it just slide out?

1:08:45🔗 Drew Exactly.

1:08:46🔗 Adam And by the way, it's a fairly aerodynamic shape and that area is accommodating. Right. It's not like it's all full of sharp ridges in there. And you have the-

1:08:56🔗 Drew Barbs.

1:08:56🔗 Adam Yeah, you're one of the blockheads. You have this geometrically shaped penis that you're trying to pull out of a squared off space and it's getting caught up on a corner. I don't know if I buy this. I mean, I think it's just weird. Keith?

1:09:12🔗 Caller I don't know what to tell you.

1:09:13🔗 Adam Well, you're going to have to tell me that the head of your penis is quite a bit larger than the shaft, for me to understand this.

1:09:21🔗 Caller Initially, I guess you would say the insertion point can be a little bit awkward or it could take a while, sure.

1:09:31🔗 Adam I'm asking you, does your penis look like a plunger? Is the head quite a bit bigger than the shaft?

1:09:41🔗 Caller It's quite a bit bigger.

1:09:42🔗 Drew Okay. Thank you. Just don't have to have that.

1:09:45🔗 Caller Do you have any solutions? No. It's quiet.

1:09:48🔗 Adam Is it like a ping pong ball on a mop handle?

1:09:55🔗 Caller I don't know about that analogy. Ping pong ball on a mop?

1:09:58🔗 Adam A broom handle and a ping pong ball be a little bit bigger.

1:10:01🔗 Drew No, he's going to be like a plunger on a mop.

1:10:04🔗 Seth Green Like a tennis ball on a pencil.

1:10:05🔗 Adam Go see a urologist and what's up with guys? Everyone is so disappointing to me on the show.

1:10:10🔗 Seth Green Obviously, it's caused him some kind of discomfort.

1:10:13🔗 Adam I don't buy that he can't get it out if a woman is lubricated and he got it in, just pull right out. I don't think it's bogus but I don't know if Keith is like retarded or he can't explain himself.

1:10:28🔗 Drew Sometimes the middle area deflates before the head. It's pretty uncomfortable trying to pull.

1:10:35🔗 Adam If the woman is lubricated and you had an orgasm, why can't you just yank it right out?

1:10:41🔗 Caller She climaxes before I do and she dries up.

1:10:46🔗 Adam Oh, is this the same? You've had this with just this one woman or most women?

1:10:51🔗 Caller I'm engaged to be married.

1:10:52🔗 Adam I see. Be married. Okay.

1:10:54🔗 Drew Is this the only woman you've slept with? Oh, no. Adam asked a question. Ask it again.

1:11:00🔗 Caller I mean, prior to the engagement, I mean...

1:11:03🔗 Drew Have you had this with other women or just with this woman? The same problem.

1:11:07🔗 Caller I'd say it's more pronounced with this one.

1:11:10🔗 Drew Some might be her lubrication.

1:11:10🔗 Adam You've got a little anatomical problem. Why don't you use some lubrication?

1:11:15🔗 Caller That's an idea.

1:11:16🔗 Adam Yeah. There's your answer. Use the lube and then try that. And then after she has her orgasm, pull it out and let her polish you off with the mouth. That's my move. That's a class move.

1:11:29🔗 Drew She doesn't even have an orgasm.

1:11:31🔗 Adam Yeah. She's like, I got to get mushroom dork off of me. So let me fake one. All right, Keith. And I don't think there's anything a urologist would do about this. I mean, there's no brace or splint.

1:11:43🔗 Drew I don't think he needs to see anybody.

1:11:45🔗 Seth Green Is there such a thing as a reduction?

1:11:46🔗 Drew No.

1:11:48🔗 Adam He just needs, look, that area, Drew says it's made for, you know, baby's head. I like to think of it as being made for a fist, you know, but, oh no, that's the ass. That's right. I'm sorry. Yes. That is for a baby's head.

1:12:01🔗 I think you're a sick bastard.

1:12:03🔗 Adam The ass is made for the fist to accommodate the fist. But this can accommodate. He just needs some lube and he's going to finish off. Let's go to break. All right.

1:12:11🔗 Caller All right.

1:12:12🔗 Adam I'm sick of all of you.

1:12:13🔗 Caller I really am.

1:12:13🔗 Adam Except for Seth Green. When we come back, he's going to read the Bible as Chris from the Family Guy. All right, Loveline. I love this riff. Nice and simple.

1:12:59🔗 Seth Green What does that mean?

1:13:01🔗 Adam Is this 741? Yeah, good riff. Seth Green is our guest tonight. He's here talking about Rat Race, which is star-studded. Three Oscars. And did they bring the Oscars on set?

1:13:14🔗 Seth Green Did they carry them with them? Yeah, it was mandatory.

1:13:16🔗 Drew Where are my other neck?

1:13:19🔗 Seth Green Like Mike D used to wear that.

1:13:20🔗 Adam Giant clock or the VW thing?

1:13:22🔗 Seth Green One of those in a big rope chain.

1:13:25🔗 Adam What did he win his Oscar for?

1:13:27🔗 Seth Green Jerry Maguire.

1:13:28🔗 Adam Oh, that's right.

1:13:29🔗 Seth Green He was great, wasn't he?

1:13:30🔗 Adam Yeah, show me the money. That's right. Yeah.

1:13:33🔗 Seth Green And they've continued to ever since.

1:13:35🔗 Adam And this is coming out a week from this Friday. Also, Greg the Bunny, which coming out on Fox and my beloved Family Guy. And later he'll read from the Torah. As Chris from the Family Guy. All right. Let's talk to Jose.

1:13:54🔗 Caller Yeah, what's up?

1:13:55🔗 Adam Who's 20. What's up?

1:13:57🔗 Caller Yeah, I transmitted an STD to my girlfriend a couple of months back. And she got cured for it and I got cured for it like four times already. Because like it's supposed to be like a two week period after you get cured. And I have sex and we just kept on having it. And so now we're cured. We don't have it. But she has a constant smell and she's had pap smears and coprosha peas I believe it's called. And she still has a smell. Usually it's really bad after we have sex. Like not that like right after but a couple of days.

1:14:31🔗 Drew Have you cheated with someone else?

1:14:33🔗 Caller No.

1:14:34🔗 Drew How did the chlamydia get transmitted?

1:14:36🔗 Caller Well, we had broken up and I had sex with another girl and like the condom had broken.

1:14:40🔗 Adam Right.

1:14:41🔗 Caller And so then when we got back together, I didn't know. I didn't show any symptoms. And then she, her body showed symptoms. She had like discharge.

1:14:47🔗 Drew And since then, there's been no, nobody's been fooling around.

1:14:50🔗 Adam No. How long, how long after you broke up did you find the new babe?

1:14:55🔗 Caller We were broke up for like five months.

1:14:56🔗 Adam Oh, five months. Yeah.

1:14:58🔗 Drew She was on a third boyfriend by then.

1:15:00🔗 Adam So yeah. And you went and got yourself a STD, then you got back together. Yeah.

1:15:06🔗 Drew You've got papilloma virus too going on, right?

1:15:08🔗 Caller I'm sorry.

1:15:08🔗 Adam What was that?

1:15:09🔗 Drew You have the wart virus going to?

1:15:10🔗 Caller No.

1:15:11🔗 Drew Why did she have the colposcopy?

1:15:13🔗 Caller She just got a colposcopy because that's what the doctors had. They just wanted to figure out why because she wasn't showing up for any type of... I would show up with chlamydia on my STD test, but her STD test showed up as not having it.

1:15:26🔗 Drew I see.

1:15:27🔗 Caller But we were intimate, so there's no way.

1:15:29🔗 Drew Okay. Well, the smell most often is still an infection in the vagina, and there's a little protozoan called trichomonas or bacteria, Gardnerella. Both would be helped with a cream called Metrogel Cream.

1:15:41🔗 Caller Metrogel?

1:15:42🔗 Drew Yeah. And you yourself might need to be treated also. They might try an antibiotic on you at the same time.

1:15:46🔗 Caller What is it, like a pill or a cream?

1:15:48🔗 Drew For you, it would be a pill.

1:15:50🔗 Adam For her, it's a cream, right?

1:15:51🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:52🔗 Adam You wouldn't eat the gel.

1:15:53🔗 Drew Flagyl is a medication.

1:15:54🔗 Caller She took a Zithromax or something like that?

1:15:56🔗 Drew Yeah, but that's for the chlamydia.

1:15:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:15:57🔗 Drew But Flagyl is the antibiotic we use for these other things.

1:16:01🔗 Caller Okay. So what's the stuff called one more time?

1:16:03🔗 Drew Well, Metro Gel Cream for her and maybe Flagyl for you.

1:16:07🔗 Caller Okay.

1:16:07🔗 Adam Metro Gel, to me sounds like a shave cream.

1:16:12🔗 Seth Green It sounds like something you put on a subway.

1:16:14🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, we were talking earlier in the evening about the weird things that happen.

1:16:22🔗 Drew What do you mean?

1:16:23🔗 Adam Coincidences.

1:16:23🔗 Drew Yeah, lately.

1:16:24🔗 Adam Strange things. They mean more to me than they would to someone else because it's not that big of a deal.

1:16:29🔗 Drew What we keep noticing is things that happen in series.

1:16:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:16:32🔗 Drew You know, random series that clump together.

1:16:36🔗 Adam Let me give you one more today as well. Again, not over the top eerie, spooky, crazy stuff, just little stuff. Interesting. I was over at my house and woke up this morning and I said, I got to shave. My beard is itching me. It's been like five days. I got to shave. I was running late. I was meeting a friend of mine over at the party house, over in Sherman Oaks there. I was going to play some basketball in my second home. Yes. I said, jeez, I got to shave though. So I thought to myself, what the hell am I going to do? I don't got a razor over at the party house. I'm really into this Gillette, the triple edge blade now, this new thing.

1:17:18🔗 Drew Me too.

1:17:18🔗 Adam It's great. What are you into it for? You're like a chick. You don't have hair.

1:17:22🔗 Drew I got tough stuff.

1:17:22🔗 Adam You use like the Apple lady or something, don't you?

1:17:25🔗 Seth Green I only use the Apple stop and spray.

1:17:27🔗 Adam This Gillette twin blade thing is the most amazing thing ever. It was like billions of dollars in research and technology and everything. So anyway, I think that myself, Drew, you're listening here? Come on. I need your focus.

1:17:38🔗 Drew I'm reading something on the wall here, on the board. What are we supposed to do with that? There's things about something Jose said.

1:17:45🔗 Adam All right. Listen, you retards, I'm telling a very riveting shaving related story. I don't need your crappy messages during this course or this show. So I'm in my home this morning, about 9.30 in the morning, and I think, well, what should I do? Bring my beautiful triple edge razor over to the new house and shave over there. If I do, what if I forget it? Leave it there. I'm not sure what to do, then I won't have it here. I'm thinking to myself, I got to get a second one of these razors. I got to pick one up and I'll leave one at the new house. I bring the one over there, I shave, then I come home, I open the mailbox, free Gillette Triple Edge, I got it in the mail today. I've never got a razor in the mail before, and especially my razor, this Triple Edge, which is a very expensive one. Well it's the most, you know, it's not a disposable one.

1:18:34🔗 Seth Green I got sent one of those too.

1:18:35🔗 Adam The point is, this morning I had her, I sat in my room and I thought, I sat in my house and I thought, I got to get another one of these Triple Edge Gillette razors. And where am I going to find one? And how much are they? And I should pick up another one. And I opened the mailbox and there it is.

1:18:48🔗 Drew Now I see how you fill your time when you're not watching Tommy Vu.

1:18:51🔗 Adam That's right.

1:18:52🔗 Drew It's very, very elaborate and...

1:18:55🔗 Adam Well you got to admit that's kind of weird, isn't it?

1:18:58🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, that is very odd.

1:18:58🔗 Adam Have you ever got a Triple Edge razor sent to you in the mail?

1:19:02🔗 Seth Green If you could hone your psychic powers and use them for good, I think we might be on to something.

1:19:07🔗 Adam As soon as I do hone them, I will use them for evil. Immediately. We have a passage from the Bible here that we actually have for Seth to read us, Chris. Yeah. Oh, yes. I take your Chris very seriously. Opal? Opal?

1:19:25🔗 Drew Opal asleep?

1:19:27🔗 Adam Opal who's 15 and who's bisexual? All right. We'll hang on a second there. It's a chick. Chicks never snore. Josie?

1:19:40🔗 Hello?

1:19:40🔗 Adam Hey, you're 19. What's up?

1:19:46🔗 Caller I had sex about the middle of my cycle. But if I put on the calendar right, I should have conceived like the day after ovulation. And actually, I don't even know if I've conceived. I've had a few symptoms of pregnancy, but only like three. I got really worried about it, talked to some people, took one of those home pregnancy tests, and it came up negative. I still experience some of the symptoms, like...

1:20:15🔗 Drew How many weeks into this are we here?

1:20:17🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

1:20:18🔗 Drew How many weeks pregnant should you be?

1:20:20🔗 Caller Well, if I can see what I thought I did, if I can see it all, about... I should have conceived on the 14th of July.

1:20:28🔗 Drew And you just had a pregnancy test recently?

1:20:30🔗 Caller Yeah, like I just took it about three weeks ago, but I...

1:20:36🔗 Adam Wait a minute. Three weeks ago?

1:20:39🔗 Caller Not three weeks ago. I'm sorry. Three days ago.

1:20:41🔗 Drew Okay.

1:20:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:42🔗 Drew That's still only right at two weeks. You need to take another one.

1:20:45🔗 Caller Okay.

1:20:46🔗 Adam Well, it's a little more in two weeks.

1:20:47🔗 Caller Well, I took two of them.

1:20:49🔗 Adam But I know, but you took them at the same time.

1:20:51🔗 Drew You need to take another one about a week.

1:20:53🔗 Caller But what I'm asking, what I want to know is, it came up negative, and I called the, the, whatever, the 800 number that they put on the little pamphlet, and I called in and I asked her what kind of things would affect the accuracy. And she said that certain medical conditions that prevent you from producing that hormone, I think it's CHC or something.

1:21:15🔗 Adam Like what?

1:21:16🔗 Caller Like, she didn't tell me, and that's what I would like to know.

1:21:18🔗 Adam Well, do you have that? Any medical conditions?

1:21:21🔗 Caller Well, I was actually wondering if anorexia was one of them.

1:21:25🔗 Drew I wouldn't think so, no.

1:21:26🔗 Caller Okay.

1:21:27🔗 Drew I wouldn't think so.

1:21:28🔗 Adam What's up? And were you having unprotected sex?

1:21:30🔗 Caller No, we, um, we used the spermicidal condoms.

1:21:35🔗 Adam Okay.

1:21:35🔗 Caller And from what I've read, there's a very small chance, and...

1:21:38🔗 Drew They broke? They break or something?

1:21:40🔗 Caller I, you know, I don't know, but the only symptoms I had was like, on the day I'm...

1:21:44🔗 Drew Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

1:21:45🔗 Adam Hold on, you idiot. I'm so tired of our stupid callers glossing over very important questions. Did the condom, did the means of contraception not work? Oh, I don't know. But anyway.

1:21:55🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:21:56🔗 Adam Well, that's the...

1:21:57🔗 Drew You wouldn't know if the condom broke.

1:21:58🔗 Adam That's the question. That's the main question.

1:22:01🔗 Caller Well, that's, well, I'm not exactly, I don't exactly have sex like every week.

1:22:04🔗 Drew Yeah. Did the condom break?

1:22:06🔗 Caller No, I, how would I know?

1:22:08🔗 Drew Because it would be broken. It would be broken.

1:22:10🔗 Adam How do you know when your car tire goes flat?

1:22:11🔗 Caller I guess it wasn't.

1:22:12🔗 Drew Okay. Then you're not going to get pregnant. Relax.

1:22:15🔗 Caller Okay.

1:22:15🔗 Adam All right. But what's up with the anorexia?

1:22:17🔗 Caller Well, I'm a very poor college student and I just don't always make, I'm a very serious, serious student and I don't always make as much time for...

1:22:28🔗 Seth Green Well, there's a big difference between not eating something and having anorexia.

1:22:32🔗 Caller Well, I'm not saying that I'm necessarily, I've never been clinically diagnosed with anorexia.

1:22:37🔗 Adam Well, because you haven't asked the doctor.

1:22:39🔗 Caller Well, I don't have health insurance right now.

1:22:41🔗 Drew But you go to college, right?

1:22:43🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

1:22:43🔗 Drew You go to college?

1:22:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:22:45🔗 Drew Well, I'm sure they have health services there for college students.

1:22:49🔗 Caller Yeah, I just never...

1:22:50🔗 Drew That has nothing to do with your insurance. You need to go take care of yourself.

1:22:54🔗 Caller Yeah, but...

1:22:55🔗 Adam Well, wait a minute. Hold on a second. What's up with the, I'm a very serious student, I spend a lot of time studying so I don't eat?

1:23:03🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

1:23:03🔗 Adam You spend so much time studying that you don't have time to eat?

1:23:07🔗 Caller I... No, not necessarily.

1:23:10🔗 Caller I just...

1:23:11🔗 Caller I feel like I'm sounding like an idiot right now because I hate watching, I hate listening to your show and listening to people just ramble on.

1:23:17🔗 Adam Oh, right.

1:23:18🔗 Caller I'm afraid that's what I'm doing. However, I just don't take as good care of myself as I should.

1:23:25🔗 Seth Green Why not?

1:23:27🔗 Caller I just, it's not, it should be and it's just not my first priority.

1:23:31🔗 Adam Well, let me, let me ask this.

1:23:32🔗 Caller All the time.

1:23:34🔗 Adam Are you, are you underweight?

1:23:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:23:37🔗 Drew Are you anorectic?

1:23:39🔗 Caller What is, is the anorectic the same thing as anorexic?

1:23:42🔗 Drew Yes.

1:23:44🔗 Caller Like I said, I've never been diagnosed, but I don't, I just don't.

1:23:47🔗 Seth Green How under, how underweight are you?

1:23:49🔗 Caller About 20 pounds.

1:23:51🔗 Adam How tall are you?

1:23:53🔗 Caller Six feet.

1:23:54🔗 Adam Six feet?

1:23:54🔗 Drew How much do you weigh?

1:23:56🔗 Caller I weigh about 120 pounds.

1:23:57🔗 Adam That's six foot?

1:23:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:23:59🔗 Seth Green That's too thin.

1:24:00🔗 Adam That's thin.

1:24:01🔗 Drew 30, 40 pounds.

1:24:01🔗 Adam I don't know how to do that. But that's thin.

1:24:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:24:04🔗 Adam Yeah. But here's what I'm, here's what I'm responding to. You're kind of nutty.

1:24:07🔗 Drew Well, the denial is so profound. Yeah. Everything we ask you, you have some weird sort of oblique rationalization for it, but don't give us a straight answer.

1:24:14🔗 Adam What's your major over there?

1:24:16🔗 Caller Music education.

1:24:18🔗 Adam And are you going to, you do music or are you going to teach it or?

1:24:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:24:23🔗 Seth Green Was somebody in your family really overweight?

1:24:25🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

1:24:26🔗 Seth Green Was somebody in your family really overweight?

1:24:28🔗 Caller A lot of somebodies.

1:24:30🔗 Adam Well, maybe it was just one big super fat guy and you thought it was more than one person.

1:24:34🔗 Drew But why can't you answer, I'm forgetting which answer she...

1:24:37🔗 Caller Well, let me try again.

1:24:39🔗 Adam Josie, here's the deal. Here's the thing. You're having an eating disorder and there's some other energy going on in your life that's a little funky emotionally and it's time to start looking at that. You got a good mind, you're smart, you direct it towards school, now you need to direct it towards yourself.

1:24:54🔗 Seth Green Yeah, just get real with yourself.

1:24:56🔗 Adam Okay, all right, take care. Thank you. All right, good times.

1:25:00🔗 Seth Green Didn't she call about a...

1:25:02🔗 Drew Pregnancy test.

1:25:03🔗 Seth Green Right, but because why?

1:25:05🔗 Adam She was anorexic and she wanted to know if that would affect the pregnancy test.

1:25:09🔗 Drew But then we asked her if she was anorexic. Well, people would say I'm underweight and that's nonsense.

1:25:14🔗 Adam Well, she said she'd never been clinically diagnosed, but if you never go to a clinic, you won't get diagnosed.

1:25:20🔗 Seth Green Who else we got?

1:25:20🔗 Drew That's right.

1:25:21🔗 Adam All right, we will take ourselves a break. When we come back, Seth Green reads from the Bible.

1:25:28🔗 Caller Hello, this is Loveline.

1:25:30🔗 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

1:25:58🔗 Adam Yep, Loveline. I saw your finger. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Seth Green is our guest tonight. Rat Ray is the name of his movie. I love him. And the family guy is Chris, the lovable son, and that's why we got a passage from the Bible for him to read, is Chris.

1:26:20🔗 Seth Green Odd choices in the passages.

1:26:23🔗 Adam Well, don't think about it too much. Just let yourself go. You see anything that strikes you fancy?

1:26:30🔗 Seth Green No, there's something that really lends itself to the format.

1:26:33🔗 Adam Well, that's the point. It's-

1:26:36🔗 Seth Green No, I can't get the point.

1:26:37🔗 Adam Read the top. Just start at the top.

1:26:43🔗 Seth Green I found this one that made a little bit more sense.

1:26:45🔗 Caller We have sinned. We and our fathers have committed crimes, and we have done wrong. Our fathers in Egypt considered not your wonders.

1:27:03🔗 Seth Green I think of Chris as reverend.

1:27:05🔗 Adam Yeah, it would work.

1:27:06🔗 Seth Green Yeah, it would make sense. Maybe we'll make him a preacher.

1:27:07🔗 Adam Tell Seth MacFarlane to write up a nice...

1:27:11🔗 Seth Green I'll pass it on...

1:27:12🔗 Adam .nice preacher episode. All right, let's go to the phones and speak to Emily.

1:27:21🔗 Caller Hey, how's it going?

1:27:22🔗 Adam Good, you're 16. What's up?

1:27:24🔗 Caller Well, I was reading in a magazine today that you can get STDs through oral sex.

1:27:30🔗 Adam Yep.

1:27:31🔗 Drew All the usuals.

1:27:33🔗 Caller And I've given it, and so I was wondering how likely my possibility is of getting it.

1:27:38🔗 Seth Green Well, you'd know if you got it.

1:27:40🔗 Adam Yeah. AIDS is probably only about 75 percent, but hepatitis is probably up around 110, 120 percent.

1:27:47🔗 Caller Oh my.

1:27:48🔗 Adam All right.

1:27:49🔗 Seth Green Drew and I, you and I, every time we talk, every time we see each other, we talk about that, just how shocking, like how much younger and younger people giving and receiving oral sex.

1:27:59🔗 Drew Yeah. Actually, that's gotten a little better lately. That was bad last time we talked, that's gotten a little better. But now there's this complete unwillingness to accept that that's a potential means by which people can get STDs.

1:28:10🔗 Adam Emily?

1:28:11🔗 Seth Green It's really freaking me out just how flippantly people in it.

1:28:14🔗 Adam You have exactly the same chance of getting AIDS from any group, whatever color they are, whatever they are. But you didn't blow any gay guys, did you?

1:28:23🔗 Caller Oh my God, no.

1:28:24🔗 Adam Okay, well then you're fine.

1:28:26🔗 Caller Well, I mean, and most of the guys I did it with were virgins. It was their first time anyway.

1:28:31🔗 Adam Well, where would they have gotten the AIDS from? Mattel?

1:28:34🔗 Caller You're fine, baby. But the other guys were like they've been around, so I was like, oh God.

1:28:39🔗 Drew Most of the guys but the other guys.

1:28:41🔗 Caller How many?

1:28:43🔗 Adam 30 of the dudes were virgins, but 26 of them had been around a little while?

1:28:48🔗 Caller No, no, no, nothing like that. Can I give it to my boyfriend by making out with him or anything?

1:28:52🔗 Adam No. No. You're fine. How many guys?

1:28:55🔗 Caller I've only given head to four different guys.

1:28:57🔗 Caller Four different guys.

1:28:59🔗 Drew Most of them were virgins, but the other guys were not?

1:29:02🔗 Caller Well, two of them were virgins and two of them weren't, so I guess half.

1:29:05🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, by the way, you're really doing the Lord's work as far as blowing virgins. He did work with lepers and a blue virgins, I think, was also part. I don't know if that's in the Bible, but I read between the lines.

1:29:17🔗 Caller That's the fun part, to watch their faces.

1:29:21🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:29:22🔗 Drew What?

1:29:22🔗 Caller Hilarious.

1:29:23🔗 Drew What?

1:29:24🔗 Caller To watch their facial expression.

1:29:25🔗 Adam Right, you see how their eyes, like, you know when it's like, oh my God. You know, like when a shark bites, you know, how their eyes roll back, that little membrane comes over. Yep.

1:29:35🔗 Drew You like to, you.

1:29:36🔗 Adam Well, I mean, wouldn't you? It's hilarious.

1:29:39🔗 Caller I mean, if you, I don't know, if you just look at it.

1:29:41🔗 Drew No, wait, stop. Let me just time for a second. There is nothing a guy does to a woman because it's hilarious. Adam, would you agree with that?

1:29:49🔗 Adam One time I stuffed my girlfriend's vagina with those with those spring snakes that come out of the coffee can, and she opened her legs and I made that thing, and that was funny as hell.

1:30:01🔗 Drew No, but guys do nothing. They don't do stuff because it's hilarious. They got the game face on.

1:30:07🔗 Adam Right. Listen, I'm happy that you blew virgins. I'm going to put that on your tombstone. Take care of yourself and slow it down a little. I'm trying to. All right. See what you can do.

1:30:19🔗 Seth Green Do or do not. There is no trying.

1:30:21🔗 Adam Well, look at it this way. Not that we don't discuss this ad nauseam every night, but think about a young girl whose daddy may not be around, who's maybe working a lot or maybe got divorced, moved out of the house, and nobody's paid them any attention, and all these years, you know, daddy moved out when they were eight, and five years goes by, and six years goes by, and nobody pays attention to them, and then all of a sudden, you have the power. I mean, you are a celebrity. You know that if you gave this poor virgin sap over here, who's in the 10th grade of BJ, that it would just rock his world.

1:30:57🔗 Seth Green Yeah, but it also labels you as the girl who does that, and it makes that part of the solicitation for anybody that comes to you.

1:31:05🔗 Adam It ain't healthy, but psychologically, what a rush it would be. I mean, I'm not encouraging people to do it, but I understand that all the years of not being paid attention to, all of a sudden-

1:31:21🔗 Seth Green Suddenly wielding some kind of power.

1:31:23🔗 Adam All of a sudden, there's a line forming.

1:31:24🔗 Seth Green But it's not really promoting healthy relationships. I mean-

1:31:28🔗 Adam No, not at all. But I'm not saying I encourage it, but I'm saying that I understand the psychological dynamic behind it. I mean, as a guy who grew up with not a whole lot of attention paid to me, I sure as hell at 16 would be real happy if I had a nice group, half the guys at school who were really interested.

1:31:53🔗 Drew That's why you blew all those guys, isn't it?

1:31:55🔗 Adam I didn't blow. First off, how dare you? I did not blow all of those guys. The 10th grade is not all of those guys. We had three grades.

1:32:04🔗 Drew 10th grade soccer team, 11th grade football.

1:32:07🔗 Adam Still, I came from a school of 2,500 students. You blow 250 of them and that's all those guys. It's not even the majority of them.

1:32:19🔗 Drew You have the temerity.

1:32:21🔗 Adam You have the temerity to come on to my radio program and make these accusations in front of Seth Green, who you know I adore and look up to. Not physically, but emotionally. Emotionally look up to. All right, let's take a break.

1:32:39🔗 Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:33:18🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. That's Seth Green over there.

1:33:24🔗 Drew Who's talking about zoophilia in some weird way. Go ahead.

1:33:29🔗 Adam I'm going to have, just shut up, Drew, please. I'm going to, Seth, you ride home with me. I got a car manual. I want you to read this, Chris.

1:33:38🔗 Drew All the way home.

1:33:39🔗 Adam And I'll send a car.

1:33:40🔗 Caller We'll have you in the car. The metal fitting in through the buckle.

1:33:45🔗 Drew You'll laugh like a hyena all the way home.

1:33:47🔗 Caller Seatbelt assembly.

1:33:48🔗 Adam All right. Rat Race, everybody. Coming out a week from Friday. And Greg the Bunny is coming out soon on Fox. And of course, the Family Guy, Wednesday Nights, 9.35. So Seth, when Greg the Bunny comes out.

1:34:04🔗 Drew Come back.

1:34:05🔗 Adam Or whatever show else.

1:34:08🔗 Drew We need to sort of break in a little bit here. You've been away too long.

1:34:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:34:12🔗 Seth Green I know my face blushes and I drive home in shock. Yeah.

1:34:15🔗 Adam Come back whenever you've got something new coming out. Please. We always enjoy it. So until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:34:23🔗 Caller Seth Green has worked nonstop since he began in the business.

1:34:29🔗 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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