Monday, February 12, 2001

1:00🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13🔗 Voiceover Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854. Oops, 310-840-4051. That is the new fax number. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. All right. We're ready to rock here, Drew.

1:34🔗 Drew Let's go.

1:34🔗 Adam Tonight, our guests are from the LA Extreme. Josh Wilcox is here. He's a tight end. Jerry Crafts, big daddy. Jerry Crafts is here. He's an offensive tackle. Jerry, Jerry, what do you go? Let me take a size guess. I'm going to say six and a half, three, three point eighteen.

1:59🔗 Very generous on the way. Right on time, right on the target on the height.

2:03🔗 Adam Six, six and a half on the height?

2:05🔗 Yeah, about three sixty, three fifty-eight. But it's a pretty three fifty-eight if it's possible.

2:09🔗 Adam Most of that is scrotum and I couldn't tell to be fair to me, he's wearing sweatpants.

2:13🔗 Drew I heard some... I got it. Yeah, I heard that there was some fame there.

2:16🔗 It's the Batman.

2:17🔗 Adam Yeah, I heard it.

2:17🔗 That's the nickname, the Batman. We'll have to get into that later. Maybe we'll get a question on that.

2:21🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. I mean, when you're three sixty-plus, you've got to figure at least eighteen pounds of scrotum.

2:27🔗 Absolutely.

2:27🔗 Adam There. And, wow. Man, what's the average size of the offensive line on the LA extreme?

2:33🔗 Caller I think we've got all but one guy over three hundred. We've got one right there straddling the mark. Got a guy left tackle, maybe three twenty. Myself over there on the right side, another guy. He's probably three twenty.

2:45🔗 Drew I have a question. How old are you when you cross that three hundred mark?

2:48🔗 Caller I've been the same size, minus maybe fifteen or twenty pounds since high school.

2:53🔗 Drew But you're not fourteen.

2:55🔗 Caller Well I breastfed when I was twelve. What happened was I just kind of stuck with that nice lacto-milk weight since I've been about fourteen.

3:03🔗 Adam Really? I mean at age seventeen, eighteen, are you six-six and up above three bills?

3:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

3:09🔗 Drew Can you imagine that?

3:10🔗 Adam I'm from Oklahoma.

3:12🔗 Drew Can you imagine that?

3:13🔗 Adam Yeah, that's a, I mean, you know those desks that are attached to the chairs?

3:18🔗 Drew Oh, forget it.

3:18🔗 Adam You must be wearing that like a mini skirt around. Just, for your first period desk, you just walk around with it the whole school year, right?

3:24🔗 Drew Right.

3:25🔗 Adam Just wearing it like Judy Jetson wears her skirt. This game, by the way, and let me just tell you something. I watched the game on Saturday. I don't read the sports page. I didn't do my research. I just watched the game. And LA, who went in as a preseason favorite, lost last week to Frisco. That was a close one, right? And this week was basically down a couple of touchdowns, the entire game, until their last couple of drives. And they tied it up. And I mean, it was really, it was really exciting. Now, the thing that always breaks my heart is your kicker missed a couple of field goals. And it always kills me because they go, three days ago, he was on a roof of a condo in San Bernardino laying tar.

4:10🔗 Guest Now, he's on the field of the LA. Coliseum, and he's kicking for his life. He just missed a 22-yard chip shot.

4:17🔗 Adam And I'm thinking, oh, my gosh, guys, going back on to the roof. Are you, is the guy going back to the roof?

4:23🔗 Caller I have no control over that, I'll let you know.

4:26🔗 Guest I don't know if he's a jumper.

4:27🔗 Adam Tommy Maddox, Tommy Maddox was yelling, he was yelling obscenities, we shouldn't let him kick. Then they, like, interviewed Maddox while he was walking into the locker room at halftime and they're like, Tommy, you had difficulty putting points on the board.

4:42🔗 Guest What? We moved the ball fine.

4:43🔗 Adam He started yelling at the sports guy. And he must be hopped up on the Royd, said Maddox.

4:48🔗 Caller I don't know. He's kind of buff.

4:50🔗 Guest Oh, yeah, you know, locker room, he's pretty intimidating. He's a fourth grader.

4:55🔗 Adam Well, he's fiery. He's a fiery leader and that's what you want.

4:59🔗 Caller He's an outspoken quarterback.

5:02🔗 Adam In your quarterback. And speaking of outspoken, he'll be calling us up a little bit later in the show. But, Drew, they had to score in their last couple of drives. I believe you had to get the extra point in on your last touchdown to send it into OT.

5:17🔗 Guest Is that true? Yeah, and then we had to get it in overtime also.

5:21🔗 Guest I mean, the, the, the, oh, just.

5:23🔗 Guest A lot of pressure in that last 20 minutes.

5:25🔗 Adam The extra points have been going about 30, 35 percent, as best I could tell. So, the point is, is the last time they had the ball, they had to drive the length of the field, score, and make the extra point, which, like I said, is about 30 percent, just to get it to OT. They managed to do that, and in OT, the other team got the ball, scored on the third play, and now they had to score from the 20 on the third play. Otherwise, it wasn't going to work.

5:53🔗 Caller I'm confused, but, but just kind of related to- You can leave the hell out of me. Who was talking about the Sproit of a Game?

6:00🔗 Adam You guys just lost like six times within that game.

6:04🔗 Caller Exactly. We were behind. We came back and fought hard. The thing is, is that, you know, to kind of relate it to the show, if you go on the hustler's scale, we were fully erect for most of the game. And then we went down to like a quarter erect, and then when the overtime period came, we were back up and ready to roll again.

6:19🔗 Adam Yeah. You were semi-flaccid for most of the game, and then rock-hard diamond cutter by the OT. So anyway, however they figure out the preseason stuff, at least they're one, you guys are one-in-one now. Now how does it work? You get $100,000 to divvy up between the team if you win bonus money, and it comes out to be like, I don't know, $2,500 a guy or something like that. Really, is the kicker getting the same amount Tommy Maddox got? Because that's bad times right there.

6:50🔗 Guest Actually, Tommy gets paid a little bit more.

6:52🔗 Adam Yeah.

6:53🔗 Guest Kickers get paid less, but in the win bonus, yeah, so...

6:56🔗 Adam In the win bonus?

6:57🔗 Guest I just split it up among the 38 active and then... Because there's a practice squad deal. It's all messy. Right. So...

7:04🔗 Adam So everyone has their own contracts, and then you divvy up the win money on top of that. So for some guys, it's chump change, and for other guys, it's a pretty good piece of change.

7:16🔗 Caller Well, $2,500 a week, no matter how you look at it, it's not really chump change, you know? Tommy kind of enjoyed that this week. I know he had to move his girlfriend out and his wife in in the past couple of days.

7:24🔗 Adam Oh, sure, yeah.

7:25🔗 Caller So I mean, you know...

7:26🔗 Adam After the win.

7:26🔗 Caller Right. So, yeah, his wife came into town, so I'm sure that $2,500 will come in extra somewhere.

7:32🔗 Adam All right. So...

7:33🔗 Guest It's a good tip in money also, the late night bars.

7:36🔗 Adam Yeah, sure, yeah.

7:37🔗 Caller Or the stands, if you look around close enough.

7:39🔗 Adam $2,500, if you're in LA., that's four and a half lampdances. That's a lot of the math right there, if you compress the song Cherry Pie by Warren. All right. So what were you guys up to before before you got into the LA extreme?

7:54🔗 Caller I was a stripper. And there's a market up in Upper State New York during the winter time for overweight strippers.

8:02🔗 Adam No, I know. I've seen those Bear magazine issues.

8:06🔗 Caller No, I've been playing football. I just got done up in Canada and I'm rolling in about, what, my 11th year's crazy game.

8:12🔗 Adam What brought you from Canada out here? Well, it's just in Canada.

8:15🔗 Caller It's in the off season in Canada and this is another way to make some money and try to keep it halfway decent shape.

8:21🔗 Adam Are you planning when this season's over in LA to go back to Canada?

8:25🔗 Caller Absolutely.

8:25🔗 Adam Oh, really?

8:27🔗 Caller Just like, I'm 33 and I'm going to ride it till it will fall off, you know?

8:31🔗 Adam Well, it seems to me following football to some degree that offensive linemen seem to be able to last a little bit longer than some of the other positions.

8:41🔗 Caller Tight ends also, you know, the kind of guys that don't do anything most of the game, don't have taking the major hits and are lazy by nature. That's us.

8:48🔗 Guest Especially the slow white tight ends.

8:49🔗 Caller Right.

8:50🔗 Adam No one guards you.

8:51🔗 Guest They don't bother.

8:52🔗 Adam It's just a bump in release.

8:55🔗 Guest Let's say, you know, he's not going to beat the linebacker down the field, so it doesn't really matter.

9:01🔗 Adam All right. We will take some calls. Like I said, Tommy Mannix. I know Drew is excited because he's a big Bruins fan. Tommy Mannix will be calling in later on in the show. And until then, we'll hop on the phones.

9:14🔗 Guest Corey?

9:15🔗 Adam Yeah. You're 25. Yeah. What's up?

9:18🔗 Caller All right. My question is, me and my girlfriend were going together for, you know, about a year. And she was the first one ever to go down on me, actually. And my problem is, I cannot get off on it. I mean, she could be down there for 45 minutes, an hour, two hours, and nothing.

9:37🔗 Drew Corey's one of those guys, Adam.

9:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

9:39🔗 Adam And your pants are down, right?

9:40🔗 Caller My pants are down.

9:41🔗 Adam I see. And she's the first one to go down there?

9:43🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

9:44🔗 Adam And probably the last, just judging from your voice. And why is she the first one? You're 25 years old. Why?

9:52🔗 Caller I just probably never really interested in it.

9:54🔗 Drew He's not into it, is he?

9:55🔗 Adam Really? Yeah. I couldn't hang out with you. No, no, no, no, no, no. I was like a Jew and a Shiite Muslim. We just couldn't get along. We have fundamental differences. It would never work. No.

10:06🔗 Caller I mean, when she did it, it was like, oh my God, what have I been missing out on? But I just love it and I want more of it.

10:16🔗 But nothing I can do.

10:19🔗 Adam Okay. It doesn't do it for you.

10:21🔗 Yeah.

10:22🔗 Adam Okay. There's a certain amount of guys who do that, who work that way. I don't know any. I don't trust them. But we do hear about that, don't we, Drew?

10:33🔗 Drew Absolutely. And that's just that he's that guy. It's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't mean there's anything we have to really address. It's just that's you.

10:39🔗 Oh, there's nothing wrong with it.

10:41🔗 Drew You're otherwise okay, right?

10:42🔗 Caller Oh, I'm perfectly fine.

10:43🔗 Drew You're fine, Corey. All right.

10:45🔗 Caller Can I tell you about one of my younger experiences? Sure. Growing up, I don't know actually how it happened. I'm sure it had a chemically induced or alcohol induced evening. And I kind of slipped 50 cents into a vacuum cleaner at one period of the car wash. And I got the old seven second blast off there. And it's kind of a dangerous thing. I wouldn't really suggest it for anybody because after a few years of doing that, I kind of got the sack involved there and it racked myself about 30 times in about half a second before I yanked that out. But it was good for the, to find out if it was a sucking thing that really helped me out with this problem.

11:20🔗 Adam No, because those things are like 250 PSI to take your bladder out to your urethra. You did not put your dork against it.

11:28🔗 Caller Absolutely, I did. For years, I did.

11:30🔗 Adam Those things sucked the mats out of your car and into the bin.

11:34🔗 Caller It's the best 50 cents investment I've ever had in my life.

11:38🔗 Drew That is the batskin.

11:40🔗 Adam This is... Oh, on the sack. You know, you would like this. You ever hear of Rex Cabo, Mr. Elastic Scrotum? It's an actual porn star who can stretch his scrotum up over the chick's head.

11:55🔗 Caller Oh, I've got to see that.

11:57🔗 Guest I think I've found my new hero.

12:01🔗 Adam Sure, he can fly.

12:02🔗 Drew He doesn't play the core of the game.

12:05🔗 Adam Julian?

12:06🔗 Yeah.

12:06🔗 Adam You're 17? Yeah. What's up?

12:09🔗 Caller Well, I have a problem with my girlfriend. I eat her out and it's really nasty, you know what I mean? I don't want to do it, but I do. I want to know if there's anything I can use.

12:24🔗 Drew Maybe she has a problem with an infection.

12:26🔗 Adam I think she's full of crap.

12:28🔗 Caller No, I really want to do it, but it's just nasty, you know?

12:31🔗 Adam What's wrong with it?

12:33🔗 Caller I think it's like, the sweat, you know, during the day it's wet and stuff down there, you know?

12:38🔗 Adam Sure, it's got a whole ecosystem.

12:41🔗 Caller There's a great lather build up, is what he's saying.

12:44🔗 Adam Yeah, can't you guys get in a tub or something before you do this? Well, that's the thing.

12:48🔗 Caller I'm trying to...

12:48🔗 Adam I mean, do you have to catch her on the way home from volleyball practice?

12:53🔗 Drew Maybe she has an infection. It shouldn't be unpleasant, really.

12:57🔗 Caller Well, yeah, I noticed like right after she takes a shower, it doesn't... it's not as bad, you know what I mean?

13:03🔗 Adam Yes. But I mean, you're a genius. Listen, use that stuff. Drew, what is that stuff called the corners use when they pull a body out of the river? You know, something... Yeah, they put it on their upper lip there. You know, remember in Silence of the Lands, they pulled that chick from the morgue, from the bog, and they were like cutting her open, and they all put that stuff, that mental adum stuff on their upper lip.

13:25🔗 Drew And jaws, they put that in there.

13:26🔗 Adam Yeah, don't you think a guy could use that? And a chick might get some kind of tingly sensation out of it.

13:32🔗 Drew Maybe hold it on the market for that, Adam. I mean, it's nice that you're thinking of this.

13:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

13:36🔗 Drew I think he needs to be sure that he doesn't have an infection because that's where some of the smells come from.

13:40🔗 Adam All right. And listen, if the shower works, that's where you got to bring it.

13:45🔗 Drew I was down at UC Irvine before I came over here tonight. Todd spoke to a bunch of kids down there.

13:49🔗 Adam Yeah.

13:50🔗 Drew A lot of microbiology questions.

13:52🔗 Adam Oh, really?

13:52🔗 Drew A lot.

13:53🔗 Adam What's that mean?

13:54🔗 Drew I mean...

13:56🔗 Adam Oh, you Woody Allen all of a sudden. What are you talking about?

14:00🔗 Drew Bacterial overgrowth.

14:01🔗 Adam Oh, you're talking about the smelly fufu?

14:04🔗 Drew One of the things.

14:05🔗 Adam Interesting. Oh, I'm glad the college kids are finally prioritizing. Yeah, I mean, forget about protesting against the government or the draft. We got a smelly crotch to deal with. Wait a minute. We just talked to him. Allen?

14:19🔗 Yeah.

14:20🔗 Adam You're 20.

14:20🔗 Caller Yes.

14:21🔗 Adam What's up?

14:22🔗 Yeah, I have this problem with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now, and every time I spend a night at her house or something, and we have sex, she likes her dog to lay next to us, and it just bothers me.

14:34🔗 Drew What do you mean she likes it?

14:36🔗 She calls her dog on the bed before we have sex and has it lay next to it.

14:40🔗 Drew Have you told her that it bothers you?

14:42🔗 Adam Yes.

14:44🔗 She's just wondering why it bothers me, but I don't know. It just kind of grosses me out.

14:49🔗 Adam What kind of dog is it?

14:50🔗 It's a Golden Retriever.

14:52🔗 Adam All right. You might bury your nuts out in the yard if you don't be careful. Really? Does she really do this?

15:00🔗 Drew Just because they're going to bed. What's a dog in bed?

15:02🔗 Guest It's the Air Bud, the porno.

15:03🔗 Adam But when you're getting it on, it's there? Yes, it's there. Oh, man. I think that might help.

15:11🔗 We'll all be going down on her or something and she'll just be there panning her dog and stuff.

15:16🔗 Drew You know, that's weird. That's like a talking to something animal.

15:20🔗 Caller That's good.

15:24🔗 Adam Yes. Maybe you should just tell her you don't go for that. All right? Yeah.

15:28🔗 Caller Unless you do, of course.

15:30🔗 Adam Yeah. You don't go for that, do you? No, I don't. All right. Are you nervous about her?

15:35🔗 Just when we get together and stuff like that.

15:38🔗 Adam Yeah, but I mean, you don't think she has a biblical relationship with the dog, do you?

15:42🔗 I don't think so.

15:43🔗 Adam You never know. They stay. All right, Alan. Just tell her you don't want the dog in there or drug the dog. Okay. Do what I do. All right.

15:52🔗 Caller In my collection of videos over the years, I have seen some young ladies when they're going through their experimental times spread a little peanut butter down that region and let the dog have at it.

16:01🔗 Adam Most gals will go through a stage where they're into animals.

16:04🔗 Drew These guys are all class.

16:07🔗 Adam I don't... I've never seen one of those videos, but I did talk about it. Who was... We had a guest in here. Were you here that night?

16:15🔗 Drew And what? We were talking about that?

16:17🔗 Adam I talked about it at length with, I think, a caller. Who, you know, they have like rhino stuff and bull stuff and... He said giraffe stuff. For what? I'm believing. For what? They have sex. These women have sex with all these animals. Exotic ones, too. Spotted owls and endangered animals.

16:35🔗 Guest And endangered animals.

16:37🔗 Adam And muskrats. Oh, yeah. That's good. All right. Let's talk to Jason. Jason is 20. Jason?

16:45🔗 Hey.

16:46🔗 Adam What's up?

16:47🔗 Well, I had sex with my boss. She's about ten years older than me. And it started off we were working together and we would just talk about whatever. And we eventually got to the topic of her family life and her husband and how unhappy she was. And I really wasn't attracted to her and I pretty much did it just to make her happy.

17:17🔗 Adam Sure. You like that. Jerry Lewis.

17:21🔗 And it became a regular thing probably about two or three times a week.

17:27🔗 Adam You know what I love about guys, by the way? This is what I love about guys. Yeah, I got this boss and I'm not really that into her and I'm not attracted to her. And anyway, so I had sex with her this one time and I've been banging her pretty good now for about eight years.

17:40🔗 Guest She's a good person.

17:41🔗 Adam She's a good person. She comes down and locks up and banging her like three or four times a week now.

17:44🔗 Guest She does my laundry.

17:46🔗 Pretty fair.

17:47🔗 Adam So why are you having so much sex with her if you're really not that into her?

17:53🔗 That's probably a good question.

17:55🔗 Drew Whoa, Adam, that's stumper.

17:59🔗 Caller I'm just wondering how to get out of the situation. She's married and has a couple kids.

18:04🔗 Drew Well, just realize that for women, when they run to a guy's arms because they're unhappy in their relationship and they give you that line, it's because they're unhappy in their relationship. When a guy tells a woman that, it's because he wants to have sex with the girl. That's all. Right. So in your case, Jason, the reality is she's miserable in her marriage. You need to get her to focus back on her relationship. Let her know that she's got a family to take care of, and this can't go on. She knows that. You're just there as a stopgap measure to help her try to feel good in the moment. Get out of it. Tell her to go back and work with her family. It's easy.

18:35🔗 Adam How do you do it? She's married and has a bunch of kids.

18:38🔗 Drew Go back and work on your kids, your family.

18:39🔗 Adam You just tell her it's not right. I love it when guys get real moral. That always means they're not attracted to the chick. Listen, I'm really into your great gal, but you are my step-sister. I think it's time that... Whenever a guy gets moral, it's always because he's not attracted to the chick. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like I'm turning myself in because I like prison food. That's why they do it. But he's got every excuse in the world. She's married. What the hell? LA Extreme. We have Josh Wilcox and Jerry Big Daddy Crafts here tonight. You guys are going to be in Vegas playing the gambling-addicted guys. What's the name of the Vegas team?

19:22🔗 Guest Maniacs. Nightmares.

19:24🔗 Adam Automizers. What is that team?

19:26🔗 Guest Outlaws.

19:28🔗 Adam Now, are they 1 and 2 or 2 and 0?

19:31🔗 Guest 2 and 0.

19:32🔗 Adam Yeah, because they won their first game in pretty convincing fashion. I can't remember what they did last week.

19:41🔗 Guest They just only allowed 3 points all year or something.

19:44🔗 Adam So well.

19:45🔗 Guest So for us, that means we better pull our heads out of our crannies.

19:49🔗 Guest Well, I don't know.

19:50🔗 Adam You guys put, what, 20, 26 points on the board in the regular or 20... What did you put on? You scored 4 touchdowns in the regular game, right?

20:02🔗 Guest There was one.

20:03🔗 Yeah, right.

20:04🔗 Adam I mean, you guys can score against them. They're from Vegas. You're going to kill them. Come on. Hopefully. Go over there. Remember, you're representing LA when you go over there and all the hundreds and hundreds of diverse people who don't care. That's really what LA is.

20:18🔗 Caller I think some of the critics are right.

20:20🔗 Guest We're representing Jim Rohn.

20:22🔗 Adam Listen, I... Why, did Jim Rohn hate it?

20:24🔗 Guest He's a big fan of Vince McMahon and the XFL.

20:27🔗 Adam Oh, is he? Oh, yeah. Oh, good.

20:29🔗 Guest Good and terrible. No. Evidently, we're nobodies in cast offs.

20:33🔗 Adam I got to tell you, Drew, please stop me if I'm wrong here, but I've been saying before I knew these guys were coming in, before I knew what began, I weighed 700 pounds. It could fit me inside of a scrotum and smugly over the border. I've been saying I've been really enjoying these games.

20:52🔗 Drew Likewise.

20:52🔗 Adam And I have no idea what people were expecting, but it's fulfilled all of my football wishes thus far, which is...

21:00🔗 Drew Hey listen.

21:01🔗 Yes.

21:01🔗 Drew I'm very grateful because usually he goes into a depression that lasts about two months when NFL season ends.

21:07🔗 Yeah.

21:07🔗 Drew We skipped right past that. That's right. You didn't have it. That's right.

21:10🔗 Guest Until figure skating season started.

21:11🔗 Drew That's right.

21:12🔗 Adam And I call it ice skating. Ice skating.

21:14🔗 Drew Ice skating.

21:14🔗 Not figure skating.

21:16🔗 Adam That was 80s.

21:17🔗 That's so 80s.

21:17🔗 Guest That's so 80s. Tonya Harding's.

21:19🔗 Adam Yeah, that's so Harding's.

21:20🔗 Drew The water dance.

21:22🔗 Adam That's so Harding.

21:23🔗 Guest But really, I mean, I made a very smooth transition from the NFL to the XFL.

21:28🔗 Adam And the last four or five or six NFL games have sucked, which is kind of nice. And I'm guessing the XFL folks were pretty happy that the Super Bowl wasn't too great. The playoff games weren't all that exciting this year. And it went right into some real good XFL games. And like I said, including last week when the LA. Extreme won and it was as exciting a fourth quarter in OT as I've seen in a long time. So we'll take ourselves a little break. Tommy Maddox is going to be calling in from his hot tub inside his limo. What? What do you got there? Oh, hold on a second. Someone had anal sex. We'll have to bump Tommy for a second. We'll be back after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Tonight we've got a couple of players from the LA. Extreme. Josh Wilcox plays a tight end in Jerry Crafts. Looks like he ate the Kraft Macaroni Cheese Truck. I guess he's probably heard that one before. Let's try not to anger him. He's a huge, huge man. Six and a half, three sixty-five.

22:34🔗 Drew You got the six and a half by how he had to duck under the door jamb, right?

22:37🔗 Adam No. I just saw this mountain standing out in front of the building. And I thought, originally I thought he was just part of the building. And I was going to get under it because it was raining pretty good out there. And it turned out he started breathing. He broke wind, I think, when I was hiding under his legs.

22:53🔗 They scampered in. He just scampered in there, yeah.

22:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

22:56🔗 Guest It's okay.

22:57🔗 Adam A Disney movie. But anyway, these guys are here from the LA. Extreme who had a huge win on Saturday. I watched the entire thing from my pajamas at my home. And Tommy Maddox is on the line. And Tommy Drew is from his UCLA playing days and then his days in the NFL and now quarterback in the LA. Extreme. Let's punch Tommy up. Tommy?

23:24🔗 Caller Yes.

23:25🔗 Adam Hello, Tommy.

23:26🔗 Caller How are y'all?

23:27🔗 Adam Good. You're on Loveline.

23:29🔗 Caller It's good to be here. How are the fellas doing?

23:31🔗 Guest Good.

23:32🔗 Adam How are you feeling?

23:33🔗 Caller Oh, we're doing feeling good. We're feeling a lot better than if we lost the game. I tell you, winning cures a lot of things. So, we feel good after that one. Yeah.

23:42🔗 Adam Tommy was fired up. There was a thing on him at the half time cussing at the coach for putting the kicker in. He wanted to go for the touchdown. Even though, come on, Tommy, it was like he had one player on like the 12 yard or something. He had to kick. He had to get the points going into the locker room, didn't he?

23:59🔗 Caller No, I wasn't. The whole conversation obviously wasn't caught. I wasn't saying that. I was just, you know, people forget there was 12 seconds left and it was fourth and one. All I was saying was, you know, we did have a chance to get the first down and the clock stopped. So, but that wasn't the whole thing. I just know that Jose was struggling a little bit. And it was important for us to try to get points there because we got the ball coming out in the second half. We get points there and score on our first drive. We're right back in the ball game.

24:28🔗 Adam Well, I'll tell you, he misses some more chip shots. He's going to be struggling with a hot mop and a chance work on some condo.

24:36🔗 Caller Well, I tell you, kickers are in a tough position that they're put in. No kidding. And nobody really notices them until they miss it. But, you know, heat of the moment, things are set and that's part of the game.

24:49🔗 Adam Sure, I know. Tommy's cussing at his own player. You know what? Then Fred Rogan tried to interview him coming off the field and Fred told him the offense was sputtering and Tommy yelled at him too.

25:00🔗 Caller Well, you know, I don't know what game he had been watching. First two drives, about 13 play drives, and he comes and says that we're struggling a little bit.

25:08🔗 Guest Yeah, well, I know you guys have been moving the ball, but yet going in still down two touchdowns, right?

25:15🔗 Caller Yeah, now if he had come up to me at the end of the third quarter and said we were struggling, I would have agreed with him. We were struggling in the third quarter and really couldn't get anything going, but something clicked and that's why you play four quarters and that's why you keep playing. Everybody kept fighting and playing hard and nobody quit. So that's what makes those ones even more special.

25:36🔗 Adam Now you scored, like I said, on a pretty amazing play in OT., which was, you're still on the 20, right? And for those of you who don't know the rules, it's just the same as college. Except for in college, I don't believe you have to score in as many plays. You have your four downs, right?

25:56🔗 Caller Yeah, it's the first game in college, too.

25:57🔗 Adam Right. This is even tougher, which is they had to score on the third play. And you guys were on the 20 and everyone knew you were going into the end zone. I don't know how you got that one in there.

26:12🔗 Caller Well, to tell you the truth, I don't either. But sometimes you just feel like games were meant to be won by your team. And, you know, Copeland made a great catch to help us tie the game late.

26:26🔗 Adam That's your point, too, right? Somebody's going to grab that guy's bandana, though. The June Rag.

26:32🔗 Caller The June Rag.

26:32🔗 Adam Greg, his ass is now on by it. He's got to tuck that thing in.

26:36🔗 Guest How about throwing the tight ends a little bit more? That's what everyone wants to know.

26:39🔗 Adam Yeah, this is, I want to introduce you to Josh Wilcox, who plays tight end on the team.

26:44🔗 Guest What is that?

26:45🔗 Adam That's Josh.

26:45🔗 Caller He plays tight end?

26:46🔗 Adam Yeah, he's a slow white guy.

26:48🔗 Caller Oh, I thought that was the point.

26:51🔗 Adam You think of him as a third tackle, but he really is eligible.

26:55🔗 Guest I can bench press over 220 and I run the 4-4. In the 15-yard dash.

27:01🔗 Caller I threw one to him on a throwaway.

27:03🔗 Adam Yeah. Right.

27:05🔗 Guest At least I didn't have to jump.

27:06🔗 Caller Hey, the other tight end dropped one. He got one thrown to him, at least.

27:08🔗 Guest Well, it got caught in Leatherwitch's chest hair.

27:13🔗 Adam Tommy, I'm supposed to ask you about the bat.

27:16🔗 Caller No, don't ask me about the bat. You got to ask Creamy about the bat.

27:21🔗 Adam Jerry asked me to ask you about the bat.

27:24🔗 Caller That's Jerry. Jerry is the Batman.

27:27🔗 Adam Now, what do you guys... you guys are underdogs coming up this week, right?

27:32🔗 Caller Yeah, we went from favorites to underdogs in a hurry, so it's kind of fun.

27:36🔗 Adam Did they... what's the line?

27:38🔗 Caller I have no idea.

27:39🔗 Adam Did they set it yet?

27:42🔗 Caller Probably, but I don't know what it is.

27:44🔗 Adam Now, are you guys going to be able to hang out? You're going to Vegas this weekend. Is the game Saturday or Sunday?

27:49🔗 Caller Saturday.

27:49🔗 Adam You're going to be able to hang out Sunday and have a good time?

27:52🔗 Caller No, we're actually coming back Saturday night. And after spending four weeks in Vegas during Manny Camp... I used to love Vegas. Now I can't stand it, so... Right. I'm glad we're coming back right after the game.

28:05🔗 Adam Jesus, you imagine owning a buffet and seeing Jerry's huge ass coming down...

28:10🔗 Caller Three meals a day, right there...

28:11🔗 Adam .like five trays, heading for the Ambrosia Salad. You'd be like, I used to play...

28:16🔗 Guest Animal House, straight out of Animal House.

28:19🔗 Adam All right, hey Tommy, great game. I really did enjoy it, and I didn't even know you were coming in. Well, you didn't come in, you son of a bitch. I didn't even know you were going to call in, and I watched every second of it Saturday and really enjoyed it, and I wish you guys luck in Vegas this weekend.

28:35🔗 Caller Well, I appreciate it. It was good talking to you. And, uh, when the guy's in line up there.

28:40🔗 Caller Yeah, Tommy, I just wanted to let you know that you almost got bumped. It wasn't for me and Josh. You were getting bumped for a guy who just had anal sex right before, right after the break, so you were lucky to squeeze in.

28:49🔗 Guest I thought you were the gerbil guy. I got you.

28:52🔗 Caller Why do you have to come and squeeze me in on the end of the day?

28:55🔗 Adam All right, Tommy, good luck, and come on by and see you soon.

28:58🔗 Caller You got it.

28:59🔗 Adam Take care of yourself. Thanks. Wait, wait.

29:02🔗 Caller Let's go right to the anal dimaceous.

29:04🔗 Adam Did you hear any viking in on his voice, Drew? The smell of a little vulture. Gina?

29:11🔗 Yeah?

29:11🔗 Adam You're 21? Yes. You had anal sex?

29:15🔗 Caller Yes.

29:17🔗 My question is actually... I got a urinary infection, and I was... I believe that I got it because of that, because when we were having sex, when we were having sex, we did it like normally, and then we did a little butt action, and then we went back to like regular.

29:35🔗 Adam Sure. That's my move. Like a regular butt? No, no, wait a minute. I go butt, regular butt, blow.

29:41🔗 Drew Where did she say?

29:42🔗 Adam Blow, butt, regular butt, blow. Butt, blow. What, blow? Yeah, that's what I do.

29:47🔗 Drew Finish in school where?

29:51🔗 Adam Yeah, so you want in the regular place, the place that God and Heaven and then you want to the devil's triangle there and then back in. That's lovely.

30:02🔗 And I think, is that possible?

30:05🔗 Drew Like, is it possible? I didn't know it was, but I guess if it is, yes, certainly you can introduce bacteria that way. Get a vaginal infection, get a pelvic infection, get a urine infection, it's lovely. Was your boyfriend wearing a condom?

30:18🔗 No.

30:19🔗 Drew He can get infections too, it's nice.

30:21🔗 Oh, great.

30:22🔗 Drew And you can get STDs that way. It's a great way to get an STD.

30:24🔗 Adam He didn't give himself a quick wipe with a gym sock or anything?

30:28🔗 No. Would it help to have lubricant?

30:29🔗 Drew Not really. Lubricant?

30:31🔗 Caller No. No.

30:34🔗 Adam What are you guys? Are you trapped down in some desert island somewhere? You don't have a condom, you don't have some lube, you don't have a shower. What's going on over there?

30:42🔗 Nothing. We just didn't have any.

30:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:45🔗 Adam Was there light in the cave? Did you do it during the day?

30:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:48🔗 Guest What's going on over there?

30:50🔗 Caller Don't stop doing it. Just get some condoms, I think. Yeah. It's a suggestion, right?

30:53🔗 Drew I think you can cut them off between cavities.

30:57🔗 Adam You take it off, you turn it inside out, and then you go in the other orifice.

31:02🔗 Okay.

31:02🔗 Adam All right.

31:03🔗 Caller Okay.

31:03🔗 Thanks.

31:03🔗 Adam All right. How old was she? 21? 21. Hey, Gina, you got a sister? No. What a dynamite lady. She should write cards, really.

31:17🔗 Guest Walmart's new writer.

31:18🔗 Adam That's right. Jenny?

31:21🔗 Yes.

31:22🔗 Adam You're 25. What's up?

31:23🔗 Caller What's going on? I have kind of a twisted and dangerous feeling situation. There's a guy who I really like, who I'm friends with, makes me laugh, but he does basically whatever he wants with me. He makes root cracks at me and he's made a lot of advances and he thrust himself on me. He pushes himself on me, but I told him I'm not interested because I don't want to date somebody who I work with. I'd rather keep it professional.

31:49🔗 Drew So why are you even alone with that guy ever?

31:51🔗 Caller Well, that's what I'm worried about because he's got a lot of problems in his past.

31:56🔗 Drew Let me ask the question again. Why are you ever alone with him?

32:01🔗 Caller I have too much of a heart for him. He's got a lot of problems so I just tend to...

32:04🔗 Adam Well, you seem like you kind of like him a little bit.

32:07🔗 Caller Yeah. I mean, he's got a lot of interesting things to say.

32:11🔗 Adam Where do you work?

32:13🔗 Caller I work with the disabled.

32:15🔗 Caller Oh boy.

32:16🔗 Caller So I mean, I'm in this kind of helping field where it's like a very sharing environment.

32:21🔗 Drew Did you have a chronically ill or alcoholic parents, something like that?

32:25🔗 Caller I have, well, parents who drink a lot.

32:28🔗 Drew That's called alcoholism. Yeah.

32:30🔗 I thought that.

32:32🔗 Drew Well, that's where you get that codependency.

32:34🔗 Adam Are you a nurse?

32:35🔗 Caller No. I'm just like a drug care staff. I'm like a case manager.

32:39🔗 Adam Now, what's this guy do?

32:40🔗 Caller He's in a similar position but in another area.

32:43🔗 Adam Does he drive the tarred loading forklift?

32:48🔗 Caller Exactly.

32:48🔗 Adam I see. He loads them up.

32:50🔗 I've got a better radio.

32:51🔗 Drew But look, he's the alcoholic addict that you need to go fix. That's why, just to stay away from the guy, looks ridiculous, Jimmy.

32:57🔗 Caller Well, I know.

32:58🔗 Drew It's not fair to him.

32:59🔗 Caller But I wonder what he'll do because he's like stalking me. He drives by my house. And if I leave my car open, he goes in there and like and takes them to my house.

33:06🔗 Drew If you don't put a stop to this, this is going to escalate and end in some sort of disaster.

33:11🔗 Guest I guarantee it.

33:11🔗 Adam Well, you didn't have any kind of liaison with him, did you?

33:14🔗 Guest No.

33:15🔗 Caller But he's been a lot of advantage, like taking my hand and put it on him, you know, stuff like that.

33:20🔗 Drew And he's going to be breaking into a house and the stock is breaking into a car.

33:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

33:23🔗 Drew I mean, come on. That's what I did with Jenny. Next time I have to call the police.

33:26🔗 Adam Well, why are you leaving your car open?

33:29🔗 Caller I'm learning. I know a lot of people around here, you know. I've got to be able to get in there.

33:34🔗 Adam Hey, Jenny, why don't you just tell your supervisor that this guy is spazzing out?

33:39🔗 Caller Tell my supervisor?

33:41🔗 Adam Yeah, that's the person at work who wears the vest.

33:43🔗 Drew Jenny, you're not frustrating. You've got to set limits with this guy. This is going to escalate and get into really serious behavioral problems if you're not watching.

33:51🔗 Caller Just set limits for them. Should I question him? Should I be like, why are you doing this? Or should I just be like, I don't want you around?

33:56🔗 Adam Hey, Jenny, are you some alien that just landed on the planet and took over some chick's body in Chicago? We have to talk you through life now?

34:04🔗 Caller Basically.

34:05🔗 Adam What's up? You're 25.

34:06🔗 Caller I know, but I tend to be attracted to a lot of these people with...

34:10🔗 Drew Yeah, we got the Irving Severely Codependent. We got it, but you're putting yourself in harm's way now.

34:15🔗 Caller Right. Exactly.

34:16🔗 Drew Well, don't worry about his feelings. He's not worried about yours.

34:18🔗 Okay.

34:19🔗 Drew Just put limits on his behavior.

34:20🔗 Okay.

34:21🔗 Drew Just like if you were doing it with those kids, you need to stop the behavior. Same thing.

34:24🔗 Okay.

34:25🔗 Adam All right? Thank you, guys. All right, there, Jenny. I want to talk about easy pickings. Where was she when I was on the prowl? And this guy... Oh, my God. Oh, all right. All right. Hey, Drew, you don't trust people that work around other people, do you? No. That's true as far as the people that work around other people.

34:42🔗 Drew People that are helpful or care.

34:44🔗 Adam Nurses are all screwed up in their own way.

34:46🔗 On their own dependent way, right?

34:48🔗 Drew Not always, but the people that are in, you know, sort of super giving, sometimes thankless positions, and then are also unable to set limits with people and in relationship with people who are taking advantage of them, that adds up.

35:00🔗 Right.

35:01🔗 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a little bit of a break. Josh and Jerry are both here from the LA. Stream. During the break, I'm going to show Jerry my forearm shiver move. This is one he may not have seen, followed by the swim move that I do.

35:14🔗 The swim?

35:15🔗 Adam Oh, my God. I can't tell. I just got it to move. I do.

35:18🔗 Oh, no.

35:19🔗 Adam And the way I disable the offensive linemen, by going between the fingers with my forefingers.

35:24🔗 Drew This is like a spock move.

35:25🔗 Yeah, spock.

35:26🔗 Yeah.

35:27🔗 Guest Ninja secrets?

35:28🔗 Adam Yeah. Renders them almost unconscious, and then I go for the quarterback. It takes about 15, 20 minutes, but it's something I do over the course of a quarter. Not just one play. See, a lot of guys, when I play ball...

35:39🔗 Drew During the break. During the break.

35:39🔗 Adam Now, let me tell you something about my strategy. Here we go.

35:41🔗 Drew High school football story. Here we go.

35:42🔗 Adam They call me Captain Crunch. I didn't pursue the quarterback on one down. I would do it in a sort of accumulative way. I'd rush a little one down, rush a little more the next down. By the fourth quarter, I had almost a full rush in. Right. And then you were starting to feel the pressure.

35:58🔗 Guest You got to watch for the reverse.

36:00🔗 Adam I didn't want to overcommit. That's right. Head on a swivel. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back. It is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Josh Wilcox and Jerry Crafts are here tonight. From the LA extreme, Josh is a tight end and Jerry is a tackle. I'm guessing strong side tackle. Right, Jerry?

36:27🔗 Caller Well, we don't flop sides anymore back in the old days when you played.

36:31🔗 Adam Sure.

36:31🔗 Caller But we...

36:33🔗 Adam Well, back when I played, they'd go, Corolla, get up, pull my helmet out of my back pocket, fluff it on, pull it on like a baseball cap. I was hell bent for re-election when I went through that line. That's rough. How was that? I'm sorry, Jerry.

36:44🔗 Caller No, I'm just following you now.

36:46🔗 Adam Yeah, I forgot to show Jerry my swim.

36:49🔗 Drew Oh yeah, I see it.

36:50🔗 Forearm, come on.

36:51🔗 Drew Swim.

36:51🔗 Adam Well, the forearm shivers. You know, I come right up on the neck. I mean, you know, I don't care. I don't care. He's got 250 pounds.

36:57🔗 Guest Which neck on Crafts and Get It?

36:59🔗 Caller Double chin. This part or this part?

37:02🔗 Adam I'll just, I'm sure to hit something. And the swim move is where, you know, I come over the top. You know, actually, it's a swimming. It's a freestyle swim type move, and that's where I take my inside line for the quarterback. All right, let's go back to the phones to speak to Megan, who's, how old's Megan? Megan? Yeah. What's up?

37:24🔗 Caller Okay, at the beginning of January, I got a period that lasted for 10 days. And mind you, I'm on birth control. I've been on it for like over a year. And then like not even five days later, I got a period again, which was really heavy and it hurt. I've never had cramps like that before.

37:40🔗 Adam Yeah, 10-day period.

37:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:42🔗 Drew Had you missed any pills prior to that?

37:44🔗 Caller No, I'm like religiously taking them.

37:46🔗 Drew Had you had sex a couple weeks before that?

37:49🔗 Probably, yeah.

37:51🔗 Drew Did you talk to your doctor about it?

37:53🔗 Caller Yeah, because when I got it the third time toward the end of the month, I called my doctor.

37:57🔗 Drew I was really concerned. What did they tell you to do?

37:59🔗 Caller I didn't talk to her, but I talked to the nurse and she called in a prescription for me for estrogen.

38:07🔗 Adam No, you don't like that one, Drew.

38:08🔗 Drew Well, that will stabilize things. What pill do you want?

38:11🔗 Birth control pill.

38:12🔗 Caller Estiline.

38:13🔗 Drew No, Estiline is a nose spray.

38:15🔗 Caller No, it's actually a pill.

38:16🔗 You have to take it once a day.

38:18🔗 Drew What birth control pill do you want?

38:23🔗 Guest Okay.

38:23🔗 Adam If I had a period that went on 10 days, I'd start building an arc by the ninth day.

38:29🔗 Guest I really would.

38:30🔗 Drew So on the Estiline, you're talking about a gestin?

38:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:33🔗 Drew Not Estiline, which is a nose spray?

38:35🔗 Yeah.

38:37🔗 Caller It made me feel really weird. Like I've been getting really bad hot flashes.

38:41🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

38:42🔗 Caller Is that common or?

38:43🔗 Drew Yeah. The estrin will stabilize things and stop the bleeding, but you still need to figure out why the bleeding. I would think a pregnancy test would be in order. Maybe I will very insist. Maybe this is not the right pill for you right now. Maybe there's a thyroid problem. There's some things that need to be done to check this out. So it's nothing to be alarmed about. Certainly, it's extremely common. I mean pretty much everyone gets this at some time or another, but since it's so unusual for you and you are in the pill, it ought to be checked out.

39:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:09🔗 All right, Lisa.

39:10🔗 Adam I mean, I'm sorry, Megan. We're going to hop over to Lisa over here. All right, baby.

39:15🔗 Caller Thank you.

39:15🔗 Adam Take care of yourself.

39:16🔗 Bye-bye.

39:18🔗 Adam Hey, you guys, Jerry, you think the average weight of the, like let's say, NFL offensive line will be over 400 pounds within 10 years?

39:26🔗 Caller 10 years, maybe.

39:27🔗 Adam Really?

39:28🔗 Caller I think there's a couple of guys coming out right now that are getting their push in the four-bill mark.

39:32🔗 Adam I saw a guy there today. I saw a story on some dudes and a guy in high school was like five and change.

39:37🔗 Caller Yeah, but you got to be able to move, you know what I mean? It's just another time before it all equals out. But right now, there's quite a few 350-pounders, 360-pound guys, and if it wasn't five, six, seven years ago, it wasn't to me, though.

39:50🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean, that was five, six, seven years. It wasn't like it was, you know, the ever-loved dawn of man. It wasn't 30 years ago. 30 years ago, the average NFL line was, mm, 245, 255, something like that.

40:03🔗 Drew Alex Karras was a huge offensive line.

40:05🔗 Adam Yeah, you guys ever met Alex Karras?

40:06🔗 Guest No.

40:07🔗 Caller I could kick his ass.

40:08🔗 Adam I'm going after the show. You guys want to come with me?

40:10🔗 Guest No, we're right behind you.

40:11🔗 Adam All of fame, huh? Yeah.

40:12🔗 Guest I'm a pussy.

40:13🔗 Caller I'm going to watch.

40:14🔗 Guest He can punch a horse, but he can't throw you a horse.

40:17🔗 Adam Alex Karras is 6'2.35 or something. He's a stocky guy, but he's not a load by any stretch of the imagination.

40:29🔗 Drew When I was a kid, I loved the movie Paper Lion.

40:31🔗 Adam That's right.

40:32🔗 Drew George Plunkett. Remember, there's a huge deal in that film with the guys getting on the scale, the one guy being over 300 pounds, he was going to lose weight. It was ridiculous that he was over 300 pounds.

40:41🔗 Adam Right. He probably had lead in his pockets, because I didn't think there were too many guys in the NFL that weighed that much in the 60s. Lisa?

40:49🔗 It's Liza.

40:49🔗 Adam Liza?

40:50🔗 Hi.

40:50🔗 Adam You're 19. What's up?

40:53🔗 Caller I've got a boyfriend, and I've been with him for about three months now. In like two weeks after we had gotten together, I had cheated on him with three different guys.

41:03🔗 Drew All right. That's not a boyfriend.

41:07🔗 Adam Three guys? In what period of time?

41:10🔗 Caller In about three weeks.

41:12🔗 Drew Well, why are you even telling yourself?

41:13🔗 Adam So, like, one guy a week?

41:15🔗 Drew Trifecta.

41:15🔗 Adam Yeah.

41:16🔗 Drew Where's your other time to have a boyfriend?

41:19🔗 Caller I don't know what was wrong with me at that time, but I want to know the nicest way to tell him.

41:26🔗 Adam Wow. You've got to get one of those singing telegrams.

41:30🔗 Drew There's email greetings.

41:32🔗 Adam Yeah. Hey, Liza, why do you want to tell him?

41:36🔗 Caller Because I like having truthful relationships.

41:39🔗 Adam Now you know. Now you're a sloan. You want to destroy the relationship by freaking the guy out.

41:45🔗 Drew I think you were cheating at him for having the temerity to care about you. And now that you didn't respond to that, you're going to have to really nail him. You might throw that on his face.

41:54🔗 Adam What's up? Why can't you handle a relationship?

41:57🔗 Caller I don't know.

41:58🔗 Adam All right. Was there some chaos in your family?

42:01🔗 Caller A lot.

42:02🔗 Drew Abuse?

42:02🔗 Adam There you go.

42:03🔗 Caller Not abuse. There's no abuse.

42:05🔗 Adam Well, what was it?

42:06🔗 Caller I have alcoholic parents and my parents are divorced.

42:11🔗 Drew You're an alcoholic too?

42:12🔗 Caller No.

42:13🔗 Caller You don't think you have the gene?

42:15🔗 Caller I probably do, but I don't drink at all.

42:18🔗 Adam Three guys in three weeks and no boozing, huh? Just Quailoads?

42:24🔗 Drew No, but she's got the gene.

42:25🔗 Caller That's that behavior.

42:26🔗 Adam All right. Hey, Liza, listen, don't tell him. Okay. I know you're freaking out a little because this is a good guy. And you can't handle it. And it's too intimate. So you want to sabotage. And you want to do it under the guise of, I got to tell the truth.

42:42🔗 Drew That's be truthful.

42:43🔗 Adam It would be truthful. My relationship, that's crap. You understand me? Are you going to do it anyway?

42:50🔗 Caller Uh, probably not.

42:52🔗 Adam I think you're going to do it. But if you do it, just realize why you're doing it, not because the truth is for all, but because you can't handle an intimate relationship.

43:00🔗 Drew And I suspect if she doesn't tell him she's going to go have a few more swings at the plate.

43:05🔗 Adam Okay.

43:06🔗 Drew Just to really try to screw this thing up as best she can.

43:08🔗 Adam Oh, she's 19. I don't know. Hey, Liza?

43:12🔗 Caller Yeah?

43:12🔗 Adam Is he a good guy?

43:13🔗 Caller Yes.

43:14🔗 Adam Yeah. You can't take it, can you?

43:16🔗 Caller I can, I think.

43:18🔗 Adam No. You're not turned on by him, are you?

43:21🔗 Drew That's the next stage.

43:22🔗 Adam Not really.

43:23🔗 Drew That's the next stage.

43:24🔗 Adam Pretty soon, he'll become physically repulsive to you because he's not beating on you or calling you a whore or anything. He's got to, right?

43:32🔗 Caller No. I like a really nice guy, so.

43:35🔗 Adam Yeah, but you're not attracted to him, are you?

43:37🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm too. That's why I'm with him.

43:38🔗 Drew No, she's still in the attracted phase, but she's got to screw that up.

43:41🔗 Adam She's going to wear off. All right. So listen, get yourself some help, would you? Stop sleeping with the strangers.

43:49🔗 Caller Okay.

43:49🔗 Adam Go to like an Al-Anon or something.

43:51🔗 Caller Okay.

43:52🔗 Adam And don't tell them about this.

43:54🔗 Caller All right.

43:54🔗 Adam All right. All right. Good times.

43:57🔗 Drew Use condoms.

43:59🔗 Adam People are so predictable. You know, the thing that's sad about this show is I've realized that human nature sucks for the most part. Even the ones that want to tell the truth are only doing it so they can freak somebody out. Even the truth isn't a noble cause anymore.

44:13🔗 Drew Right.

44:13🔗 Adam People go, yeah, you know, I want to tell the truth because I want the relationship to be on an even ground and I feel like, you know, I owe it to him, blah, blah, blah. It's not that at all. If she really loves this guy and is scared to lose this guy and wants to hold on to this guy at all costs, there's no way she wants him to find out about this because it could jeopardize the relationship. Alright, let's talk to Dave as an XFL question.

44:39🔗 David?

44:40🔗 Adam David?

44:41🔗 Yeah?

44:42🔗 Adam You're 13, what's up?

44:43🔗 Caller I don't know, like, what the new rules were for the XFL.

44:48🔗 Adam You want the entire?

44:50🔗 Caller No, just like the the big ones, the big changes.

44:55🔗 Drew No afterpoints kicked?

44:57🔗 Adam Yeah, they got to run everything in or pass everything in.

45:01🔗 Drew Did you get one point better too?

45:02🔗 Adam They get one. So there's no such thing as a two-point conversion. No. It's essentially two-point conversion where you only get one point. Yeah. There's no fair catches on the puns.

45:14🔗 Drew Just cameramen standing behind every backfield. There drives me insane.

45:18🔗 Adam There's a 12th man with a helmet and a camera that I think he's legally can throw at guys if they break away on a kick return. What else?

45:28🔗 Caller Josh will know one that kind of pertains to Tommy never throwing to him, but receivers are allowed to only have one foot in bound.

45:34🔗 Adam Oh, really?

45:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

45:35🔗 Guest Because he catches himself, too. Slow white tight ends are not eligible receivers.

45:39🔗 Caller Yeah. One foot in bound. What they're trying to do is they're trying to make it more attractive offensively, more power action, as if the stands weren't enough. You know what I mean?

45:49🔗 Guest Right. There's no... the punter, or when they kick, punt the ball, no one can leave till the ball is punted.

45:57🔗 Adam Oh, really? I see.

45:58🔗 Guest And you've got to give them a five-yard hay, though. So, I mean, there's no fair catch, but...

46:02🔗 Adam Right, but they seem to have space to retrieve the ball.

46:05🔗 Guest Yeah.

46:05🔗 Adam Yeah, I was wondering about the release off the line of scrimmage, because those guys do seem to have room to catch the ball. I was wondering where everyone is, and they're not giving them the quick release.

46:15🔗 Guest They use the swim move.

46:16🔗 Caller All right.

46:17🔗 Adam I'm going to demonstrate that now.

46:18🔗 Caller We'll take a little break.

46:20🔗 Adam We'll be back after this. It is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Josh Wilcox and Jerry Big Daddy Crafts are both here from the LA Extreme, coming off a big, big win on Saturday, trying to carry that momentum into Vegas. Sunday, no, going home on Saturday, going home Sunday.

46:44🔗 Caller What's the game? Saturday.

46:46🔗 Adam And playing the 2-0 Vegas team, which is now looking like probably the best team in the league so far, which is Vegas.

46:55🔗 Guest Vegas and Orlando. I think it is.

46:57🔗 Adam Yeah. So they got their work cut out for them, but I think the consensus with the LA Extreme is they're coming around. They've woken up a little in that Tommy Maddox is a fiery leader. All right. Let's hop back to phones and we'll speak to Becky who's 19. Becky.

47:17🔗 Caller Hey, how are you doing?

47:17🔗 Adam What's up?

47:19🔗 Caller I have a question for you.

47:20🔗 Caller I've been with my boyfriend for over two years now and like the other night I was giving oral and we were totally going through and then he came and it was all clumpy.

47:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

47:32🔗 Caller He was complaining like.

47:33🔗 Drew Oh, Jerry's had a seizure.

47:34🔗 Adam Yeah. It was clumpy.

47:37🔗 Caller Yeah, he was complaining that his left testicle was hurting and it's like he won't go to the doctor and he's scared.

47:44🔗 Caller He just doesn't know what to do.

47:46🔗 Drew I doubt the clumpiness has anything to do with the pain. Clumpy is kind of normal.

47:50🔗 Caller Oh, it is? Yeah.

47:51🔗 Caller Because like I have never ever done that before. It's like ever.

47:56🔗 Drew Jerry's tapioca Jerry.

47:58🔗 Caller Chunky Tapioca Jerry.

48:00🔗 Drew Batman Tapioca Jerry.

48:03🔗 Adam You've seen that chunky soup commercial with Jerry in his mouth.

48:08🔗 Drew With the scrotum being held up.

48:11🔗 Caller Right.

48:12🔗 Adam A scrotum like a windshield.

48:15🔗 Caller All right.

48:15🔗 Adam So, they're two separate things, Becky.

48:19🔗 Drew Yeah. The pain is probably some epididymitis or something.

48:22🔗 Caller Because he said that, like, he said it feels like a blue ball all the time.

48:26🔗 Drew Yeah. It's probably epididymitis and it's not a big deal, but it could be an infection and it's something that should be treated. So have them go, have it checked out. Tell them it shouldn't be alarmed. It doesn't mean it's anything serious, but it's something that needs to be treated.

48:37🔗 Caller Okay.

48:38🔗 Drew If you want some relief.

48:39🔗 Adam Tell him no more oral until he gets it checked out.

48:42🔗 Caller Oh, I've told him that already.

48:43🔗 Adam Good. Well, that's nice. That'll help with the blue balls. All right, Becky. Thanks. You stick your guns, right? Oh, yeah. You want to see a note from the doctor?

48:55🔗 Caller Oh, yes.

48:55🔗 Caller That's what I want to see.

48:56🔗 Adam All right.

48:57🔗 Caller Okay.

48:58🔗 Adam Good times there, Becky.

48:58🔗 Guest Thanks. All right.

48:59🔗 Adam Let's talk to a lot of oral going on. It didn't seem to be going on when I was 19, by the way. It's all the rage now.

49:08🔗 Caller Girls are different. They're a little bit different now.

49:10🔗 Adam We talk to girls all the time. I went on a date. The guy was kind of gross. I wasn't really into him, so I just came oral.

49:15🔗 Guest Yeah.

49:17🔗 Adam Wow.

49:18🔗 Caller Where was I during all this?

49:19🔗 Adam Where was I? That's my question.

49:22🔗 Guest Yeah. I mean, I felt bad.

49:24🔗 Adam The guy bought, we went to Arby's. He bought me a couple of clubs.

49:27🔗 Caller Curly fries.

49:29🔗 Adam And the curly fries. But I wanted to give him sex, because he was kind of gross. I just came oral.

49:34🔗 Drew The guy was down in Houston talking to a group of 14-8 girls, and I said, hey, help me to stand, bring out the baseball time. Where does this fit on the baseball time?

49:42🔗 Adam The oral. Where is it now?

49:43🔗 Drew They discussed it for about a minute and a half. Second base.

49:47🔗 Adam Really? Or else now second base. Short stop, yeah. Soon it will be a drag bunt. I predict that oral will be a drag bunt, and all offensive linemen will be over 400 pounds within the next ten years. That's my premonition. I hope society advances that far.

50:04🔗 Drew Alex?

50:07🔗 Adam Second base will be when I defecate on my partner. And she likes it. That's right. Third is she liking it. Second is just defecation. Alex, you're 17. What's up?

50:18🔗 Caller Yeah. What's up, you guys?

50:19🔗 Caller Oh, we have to go there?

50:23🔗 First time caller. I think I'm a sex addict. And the problem is that I just got two girls pregnant.

50:32🔗 Adam Two?

50:34🔗 Caller This girl received and this other girl.

50:36🔗 Drew Why is it important to tell us their names?

50:38🔗 Caller Oh, my bad. My bad. But anyway, they're probably not listening, I hope. But I just want to know what causes this? Like, why am I a sex addict? Like, it's like something I have to do like 24-7 or like I just don't feel right.

50:55🔗 Drew Just with girls?

50:56🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

50:57🔗 Caller Like, no, no, no.

50:58🔗 Caller No gay stuff.

50:59🔗 Adam No gay stuff? Never think about guys?

51:01🔗 Caller No, no, no.

51:03🔗 Caller Like, I turn away when I see a penis on a porn movie.

51:05🔗 Adam Oh, really?

51:06🔗 Caller Yeah, big time.

51:07🔗 Adam Let's not go overboard. That's the integral part of the porn experience. Also, I just hold my finger over it and keep it moving in front of the screen and then realize my finger shots seem at a certain point to be confused.

51:21🔗 Caller But like, maybe like, Dr. Drew can help me with this. Like, maybe I have something in my past.

51:25🔗 Drew Were you sexually abused?

51:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:28🔗 Drew Well, there you go.

51:29🔗 Adam I don't believe, Alex.

51:30🔗 Drew I don't either. Something kind of weird.

51:31🔗 Adam Now, first off, he sought your advice specifically. Maybe, Dr. Drew can help me with this. I'm not a sex act, yeah. I was abused, yeah.

51:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:39🔗 Adam Don't believe you.

51:40🔗 Caller Why not?

51:41🔗 Adam Hey, you just, you just, my spidey sense is tingling with you.

51:46🔗 Caller Really?

51:47🔗 Adam Yeah. Now I know you're full ass. I just, he's BS'ing. He's copping everything.

51:53🔗 Drew So, the deal is if you had a history of sexual abuse and if your sexual behaviors are becoming destructive, they're getting away with your work or your school or you're having health problems or you're hurting people because of it, then that's sexual compulsivity and there's treatment for that.

52:06🔗 Adam Did you believe in Drew?

52:07🔗 Caller No.

52:08🔗 Adam Me neither. Cedric?

52:09🔗 Caller Yes.

52:10🔗 Adam You're 21.

52:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

52:11🔗 Adam What's up?

52:12🔗 Caller On the underside of my penis, I have a white bump and it looks kind of like a whitehead and I actually thought it was so I tried to pop it.

52:21🔗 Adam Those are called your balls. Don't do that. I tried that once.

52:26🔗 Caller But popping your balls?

52:28🔗 Adam No, I didn't know. I didn't know anything. What's that?

52:32🔗 Caller Whatever is in the bump is like solid. Nothing will come out when I try to pop it and I haven't had sex in like forever. And this bump has just come up like in the past year and a half. So I don't think it's like an STD or anything. I was just wondering what it is.

52:45🔗 Drew Well, it could be a wart that needs to be checked out. It's resected.

52:49🔗 Adam But it seems like a whitehead, right?

52:51🔗 Caller It looks like a whitehead, like tiny, tiny.

52:53🔗 Adam Remember I showed you that thing on my nuts once? Seriously? I never showed you that? No, really?

53:00🔗 Guest I remember in the bathroom when I showed that to you.

53:02🔗 Drew No.

53:03🔗 Adam I'm serious.

53:04🔗 Caller I don't remember.

53:05🔗 Adam You were pretty high at the time. We were doing those amyl.

53:09🔗 Caller Was it the blue oyster?

53:11🔗 Caller Some whippets.

53:11🔗 Adam We were doing some whippets in the bathroom. I mean, it was during the top of the hour break. Yeah, absolutely. You know, what we were going to do.

53:18🔗 Guest Dr. Drew, didn't I show you, like, you know, you get this like little white, you know, their, you know, they don't seem like little calcium deposits.

53:26🔗 Caller It's like an ingrown hair thing.

53:26🔗 Adam Yeah, it's like a zit, but you can't really pop it. It's kind of hard, hard, hard white. It's like a little piece of white plastic and put it right under your skin.

53:34🔗 Drew Usually, that's moluscan contagiosum, which is a little virus. So it might be that. It might be warped. It might be pearly penile papule. It might be nothing. It might be a cyst of some type, but he's not going to know. He's got to get a look at it.

53:48🔗 Guest Well, can't you lance it?

53:49🔗 Drew No, I can't.

53:50🔗 Adam Why not? I've lancet myself a thousand times.

53:53🔗 Drew But not everyone has the great surgical skills that you do.

53:56🔗 Adam Why? You just get high and then you sit home and you put a flashlight between your legs and you lance it with a pen.

54:01🔗 Drew You hold it in your mouth, don't you usually?

54:03🔗 Adam The flashlight? It depends. I'll tell you one time, I don't want to tell this story but I had to get to an area that could not be reached by a mortal man. I had to use a full length mirror, put my legs up against the mirror and then bounce the flashlight beam off the mirror and on to the ass just to find my way. It was a big night. Oh yes.

54:25🔗 Caller Yes.

54:26🔗 Adam Oh yes.

54:26🔗 Caller It felt good, didn't it?

54:27🔗 Adam I high-fived my own reflection. I got up on the mirror.

54:30🔗 Guest Sixty-nine yourself?

54:31🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:33🔗 Caller All right.

54:34🔗 Adam Hey, I said, Rick.

54:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:36🔗 Adam That is a big deal. I can't just kind of live with it.

54:39🔗 Caller Well, it just kind of freaks me out. I mean, I want it to go away. I mean, it doesn't hurt.

54:42🔗 Adam How big is it? Is it the size of a big zit or a small zit?

54:46🔗 Caller Like a small zit. You couldn't even see it, like, unless you were looking for it. It just freaks me out, you know? Right.

54:51🔗 Adam You're saying, like, if I went to a restaurant with you, I wouldn't see this thing on your sack.

54:55🔗 Caller Unless you were eating on my back.

54:58🔗 Drew Is it on your sack or on your penis?

55:00🔗 Caller It's right on my penis, like on the scar, where you get your circumcision, like right under the head.

55:04🔗 Adam Oh, it's on the penis. I thought it was between the sack and the penis.

55:07🔗 Caller No, it's like on the, on the shaft, right under the head.

55:09🔗 Adam I see. I see. Well, Drew, what do you think?

55:12🔗 Drew I can say, cyst? Curly penile papules?

55:15🔗 Adam So, if it bothers him, he should go to the doctor. What?

55:18🔗 Drew He ought to go check that out.

55:19🔗 Adam All righty.

55:20🔗 Drew It's no big deal. Listen, people come to the doctor all the time with that stuff.

55:23🔗 Adam And you guys hate it. David? Hello? You're 18?

55:27🔗 Caller Yep.

55:27🔗 Adam What's up?

55:28🔗 Caller Well, I had a girlfriend, like, about a year ago, and she wanted to do the oil sexing, and I honestly couldn't do it. Not more than four or five days later, I dumped her.

55:39🔗 Drew So she kind of freaked you out by being so sexual? Huh? Freaked you out that she wanted to be sexual with you?

55:44🔗 Caller Well, that was part of it, and I'm thinking it had something to do with me growing up, but I'm not too sure.

55:52🔗 Adam What happened?

55:54🔗 Caller Well, I lived in Arizona. My daddy is like a diehard alcoholic and stuff. He had different girlfriends, and I remember sleeping in a couch bed and the walls banging and panting and stuff like that and seeing the silhouette of my dad getting a blowjob.

56:09🔗 Caller I knew it was like...

56:10🔗 Adam No. What do you have, rice paper off? What do you mean a silhouette?

56:15🔗 Caller They were in the kitchen doing their stuff. The day before, a guy like stuck a red rooster in his hand.

56:25🔗 Adam There we go. A silhouette. Listen, if you... You should be able to sue your parents if you spent one night on one of those full-ass sofas growing up. Most of them have a big bar that runs right down the middle of them. Oh my God. Jerry, what happens when you got to go on an airplane? What do you do? Travel by blimp? Travel by dirigible?

56:48🔗 Caller They think it's better to put you by the bulkhead so you have more leg room. But actually, you know, my weight, I'd rather have the width than the length, you know? So I put me right in the middle of the two skinniest people on the airplane. I'm happy. They're not real happy, but I'm happy.

57:02🔗 Adam My God, could you imagine having...

57:04🔗 Caller Me and you on an overseas flight.

57:06🔗 Caller Oh my God.

57:08🔗 Caller I just want to...

57:08🔗 Drew I would like to have Jerry's, a Jerry's-eye view, walking down the aisle of the plane, just watching people walk.

57:13🔗 Adam The horrifying... You got a duck from the little TG. Please, God, do not let this load sit down. Please, oh dear God, no. And so what are they going to do? Complain? And what happens if they got to take a leak and Jerry's falling asleep on the aisle? They got to, like, tunnel through his ass and go out as you re-throw them, and then crawl down the aisle. How do they get out when this guy... What are you going to do? Wake him up? Pee on him.

57:35🔗 You might like to actually.

57:36🔗 Caller I might enjoy the Golden Shower airborne.

57:39🔗 Adam But you have to go first class, don't you?

57:41🔗 Guest I mean, can you travel coach?

57:43🔗 Caller Sure you can.

57:44🔗 Guest Really? Sure.

57:45🔗 Drew Do you have two seats? Sometimes they'll give you two seats because it's discriminatory if they don't give you two seats.

57:49🔗 Caller It's very rare that the planes are just totally packed, anyway. You know what I mean? I can usually find a spot and most of the time I can just, you know, take off and I go stand by the stewardess, flirt for a while, come back for the landing, sit back down. That's how it works.

58:00🔗 Guest The new hot stewardess is in heaven.

58:02🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

58:03🔗 Caller Well, there's some kind of code where they had to be a certain weight or something. That's gone out the window lately as far as I'm concerned.

58:08🔗 Adam Well, they're moving up just like the offensive linemen are moving up. Average stewardess in 1864, yeah, 132.

58:15🔗 Caller In 10 years, they'll be 300.

58:17🔗 Adam Yeah, they're 186 now. They'll be over the two bells by the year 2005. That's the way it's heading.

58:23🔗 Drew They've got like models working on their flight to Alaska.

58:26🔗 Adam Oh, yeah? That's where you got to go then. Hop on those Alaska flights. Yeah, like you guys will be flying to... Now, how will you guys go to Vegas? Do they have a charter?

58:37🔗 Guest Commercial.

58:38🔗 Caller Commercial.

58:38🔗 Guest Commercial.

58:39🔗 Adam Southwest?

58:40🔗 Caller United, I think.

58:41🔗 Guest So those late night gamblers sitting next to Crafts on the way home.

58:44🔗 Caller Right. That's right.

58:45🔗 Adam Trying to guess his weight. 100 bucks. Allison? You're 15?

58:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:51🔗 Adam What's up?

58:52🔗 Caller Okay. I think I have a problem because I'm never happy unless I have a boyfriend. And I've been this way since I was like 12. And I'm so desperate that I'm willing to have monogamous sex with an ex just to keep them around. And I want to know what's up. And I don't know why I'm like this.

59:09🔗 Drew Why can't you deal with loss?

59:13🔗 Caller I've always had a problem with it.

59:14🔗 Caller Why?

59:15🔗 Adam I'll tell you also has a problem with it. Tommy Mannix of the Ali Extremists has a winner. He really came back in the fourth quarter.

59:21🔗 Drew Not losing. Loss.

59:22🔗 Caller That's a loss.

59:23🔗 Adam Yeah.

59:24🔗 Caller He's a real competitor. Yeah.

59:26🔗 Adam What's up with that, Allison?

59:28🔗 Caller I'm really not sure. It's really kind of bugging me because it gets so hard that I start, well, I'm a diagnosed cutter.

59:36🔗 Drew So abandonment is your big thing, huh?

59:38🔗 Adam Where's your dad?

59:39🔗 Caller My dad is sleeping right now.

59:42🔗 Adam Where, in jail?

59:44🔗 Drew No, he's here.

59:45🔗 Caller He's actually out. He's in the military, so he's been gone off and on my whole life, but I got used to that.

59:50🔗 Drew Well, but didn't I just say, where is the abandoning person in your life?

59:54🔗 Adam Yes.

59:54🔗 Guest There it is.

59:55🔗 Adam Yeah, your dad.

59:56🔗 Caller I can't say he's abandonment because...

59:58🔗 Drew Well, you experienced his abandonment. It wasn't like he left your life, but the feeling was he was abandoning. And I would bet that in addition to that, you had a mom that was sort of intrusive, who didn't really sort of nourish you, but rather sort of needed you to be a certain way for her.

1:00:16🔗 Caller Yeah, I've always actually been like her little helper. I remember because she had back surgery and I was like always there. I was like at her feet every time she gave me, so yeah, that could be helping.

1:00:27🔗 Adam Pain pills, right, Drew?

1:00:28🔗 Drew Yep.

1:00:29🔗 Adam Was your mom strung out on pain pills?

1:00:31🔗 Caller Oh, not anymore. I don't think. I would not know. I don't really...

1:00:34🔗 Adam No, but at the back surgery...

1:00:36🔗 Drew Crucial time.

1:00:38🔗 Adam Everyone who had back surgery under the age of like 70 got strung out on Vicodin or some sort of pain pill.

1:00:44🔗 Caller I am a crack baby.

1:00:46🔗 Drew You're a crack baby.

1:00:47🔗 Caller I do believe so, from what she told me.

1:00:49🔗 Drew Alright, well she was on pain medicine too.

1:00:50🔗 Adam That's nice. You sure that wasn't just a children's book you guys were reading when you were young?

1:00:56🔗 Drew I was a crack baby.

1:00:58🔗 Guest Yeah, I mean, did your mom really need to tell you you were a crack baby?

1:01:01🔗 Caller Well, it wasn't like that. It was just something that came up because we have to talk now. It's required through what's been going on because the military, after my third suicide attempt, kind of made me go to psychotherapy, but I don't feel comfortable talking about relationships with my psychologist. And I'm on medicine and everything, but like...

1:01:24🔗 Adam Wait a second, we got a few questions. So your mom was a crack addict then, right?

1:01:29🔗 Caller On uppers and stuff like that, yeah.

1:01:31🔗 Adam Okay. And so, but for lack of a better term, a crack baby, even though it wasn't crack per se, but your mom was on drugs when you were a nater, right?

1:01:39🔗 Caller I believe so. She stopped doing them around her second trimester.

1:01:43🔗 Adam Right.

1:01:44🔗 Caller I'm not under sized or anything, but...

1:01:46🔗 Adam Okay. You seem to have a pretty good handle on yourself. What... Why won't you talk to your therapist about relationships?

1:01:53🔗 Caller He bugs me, my psychologist. I just don't like him very much.

1:01:57🔗 Drew Do you tell him that you don't like him?

1:01:58🔗 Caller Yes. He asked me because I can't be open with him. I just don't really trust him because...

1:02:04🔗 Drew The more you can tell him that and talk about that, the better off you are.

1:02:07🔗 Adam You get in the military like Dr. Bellows or Major Healy. Like, who is the... I picture like Dr. Bellows from My Dream of Genie. Like, is your military psychologist?

1:02:19🔗 Caller Psychiatrist.

1:02:19🔗 Adam I mean psychiatrist?

1:02:21🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, yeah. He's more like Santa Claus, but more of an asshole.

1:02:27🔗 Adam More of an asshole than even Santa Claus? I find that hard to believe.

1:02:30🔗 Caller No. He looks like him and scary and everything, but he's a big asshole.

1:02:35🔗 Caller Big asshole.

1:02:37🔗 Caller He tells me every time I see him, he just asks me the usual questions. He really doesn't care.

1:02:42🔗 Adam Yeah, but okay. Listen, Allison.

1:02:45🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:02:45🔗 Adam Listen to me, dear. That is your perception about everyone in life. I'm sure he does care. You understand? I mean, you're going to have that claim about everybody who tries to help you, that they don't really care, that they...

1:03:00🔗 Drew They don't want to get the money from me.

1:03:01🔗 Adam Yeah. They have to... That's not true. I'm sure he does care about you, and he does want you to get better, but you got to help him.

1:03:10🔗 Caller Right.

1:03:10🔗 Adam And you have to go through the therapeutic process with him. I mean, you understand, you know, you're 15, but you're wise beyond your years. You understand what you've been through in life.

1:03:20🔗 Caller Yeah. And that's another problem because I am wise beyond my age, and that helps me. It's what kind of like sucks because a lot of my boyfriends and relationships are with very older men.

1:03:32🔗 Adam Uh, that's not good. Hey, hey, Allison.

1:03:34🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:03:34🔗 Adam Listen, here's the deal. You have to sort of throw yourself on the mercy of the court down because the process, because you've had a lot go on in your life and you can't figure it all out yourself. You understand?

1:03:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:03:47🔗 Adam Now, you want to get better, right? I mean, you want to have a good life? You don't want to end up like a screwball mom? You don't want to give birth to any crack babies?

1:03:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:03:57🔗 Guest You know what I mean?

1:03:58🔗 Adam All right. Go to St. Ahull, your psychologist over there. And start trying to open up with the guy. Just do it. Just let yourself go. Just let it go. Okay. Just sit in there and let yourself go. Tell him what you think.

1:04:11🔗 Drew Follow direction.

1:04:12🔗 Guest If you think he doesn't care, tell him.

1:04:14🔗 Adam Tell him. If you think he doesn't care.

1:04:15🔗 Drew But follow direction. Be open.

1:04:17🔗 Caller Okay.

1:04:18🔗 Adam All right?

1:04:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:04:19🔗 Adam And it's just, you got to work at eating yourself better.

1:04:22🔗 Caller Yeah, I do.

1:04:23🔗 Adam You can't just sit there hating everybody and being skeptical and thinking that they're only there for a buck. All right?

1:04:29🔗 Caller Right.

1:04:30🔗 Adam All right. So let yourself go. Next time you go in there and just put your cards on the table.

1:04:34🔗 Caller All right?

1:04:35🔗 Adam All right. Take care of yourself. All right. He's like Santa, but a bigger a-hole. Even Santa. All right. Boy, these horrible, horrible, horrible parents. That's what I've really learned from this show to hate the people over 20 and under 20, actually. Between the ages of 13 and 40, those are the people I really hate from doing this show. With kids, yes. Screwball, drug-addicted moms and abandoning dads. Mark? Oh, yeah. Year 18, what's up?

1:05:07🔗 Caller What's up? I have a question. I want to know if it's possible if I come on the Come, done come. Isn't that what it says?

1:05:14🔗 Adam It's done come. It's not come.

1:05:16🔗 Caller Uncome?

1:05:17🔗 Adam If I've done come, that's how I put come in a sentence.

1:05:23🔗 Caller Sorry, okay. Well, I did that on My Girl Is A Magina and I want to know if it's possible. You know, she cleaned it up and stuff and I want to know if it's possible if I can get her pregnant just by getting on top. Just right there on the clean stuff.

1:05:37🔗 Drew Yes.

1:05:38🔗 Caller It is? Even though if we cleaned it up and washed it, it's not likely that it's possible.

1:05:43🔗 Adam Well, did you use the abrasive side of the sponge? Because if we did that, yeah, if you cleaned it up pretty good.

1:05:49🔗 Drew A little Mr. Clean wiping.

1:05:51🔗 Adam Did you get something out of the drawer or the hamper? It makes a difference.

1:05:55🔗 Caller Well, see, we were having oral sex and then, like, I combed right on it.

1:05:59🔗 Adam Done. Combed right on it.

1:06:01🔗 Caller I'm sorry. Sorry.

1:06:02🔗 Drew And what prompted that?

1:06:05🔗 Caller Well, I was taking it out of her mouth and it just blew out. Just, you know, I couldn't control it.

1:06:14🔗 Adam How close is her vagina to her mouth, by the way? How close is this girl's set up? Is it in her trachea?

1:06:19🔗 Caller No, it went down, right? So, it just went off.

1:06:21🔗 Adam Hold on a second. I've just designed a new woman here. Why the vagina? Why's that vagina got to be three feet away from the mouth? The perfect woman. Well, put that thing right where the Adam's apple was, right? They don't have Adam's apple, do they? Just some of those tall black chicks I dated. The girls don't have an Adam's apple, right?

1:06:40🔗 Guest Put the vagina right there.

1:06:41🔗 Adam You go pop, pop it in there, pop it back in there, pop it around.

1:06:45🔗 Caller Don't forget the anal, too.

1:06:47🔗 Adam Let's put the anus right where the collarbone is.

1:06:49🔗 Caller They have all three holes within a couple of minutes and I got a bacterial infection there. Can I do something about it?

1:06:54🔗 Adam So, he done come on the vagina because the thing just exploded when he pulled it up to his mouth.

1:06:59🔗 Caller He said, boom. Right.

1:07:00🔗 Adam Pow. All right. But they mopped up pretty good.

1:07:04🔗 Guest With the scrub brush. Did he wipe?

1:07:05🔗 Adam Yeah. Mark, what did you use to clean up?

1:07:09🔗 Caller Just like a towel with water.

1:07:11🔗 Adam I see.

1:07:12🔗 Caller Really deep.

1:07:13🔗 Caller Just like clean it deep.

1:07:14🔗 Drew What are we doing with our life?

1:07:15🔗 Adam You did the deep cleaning with the towel?

1:07:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:07:18🔗 Adam I see. And was this warm water?

1:07:20🔗 Caller I think it was cold.

1:07:21🔗 Adam Cold water? Will that kill the sperm and the towel on the crotch, Drew?

1:07:27🔗 Drew No.

1:07:27🔗 Adam No. All right. So what should she do?

1:07:29🔗 Drew Get a morning after pill.

1:07:31🔗 Adam When did you duncombe on her?

1:07:33🔗 Drew Duncombe.

1:07:34🔗 Adam Duncombe on her. No, but if I put it in a past tense, when did you duncombe on her?

1:07:39🔗 Guest Duncombe on her.

1:07:40🔗 Adam Yes. On the potstickers, the kung pao chicken, the duncombe rice. Yeah.

1:07:51🔗 Guest Yeah. Make the duncombe noodles.

1:07:53🔗 Adam Duncombe noodles.

1:07:55🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:07:55🔗 Adam Make a mile. I got a little gas the last time I was in here. Tastes like bleach.

1:08:00🔗 Drew Mark, when did this happen?

1:08:01🔗 Caller When?

1:08:02🔗 Adam Yes. When?

1:08:03🔗 Caller Three days ago.

1:08:04🔗 Drew Three days ago. Because you may have hours with which to get the pill.

1:08:06🔗 Adam No, it's not going to do it. Just don't do it again. All right? All right. I don't want anyone who says duncombe having kids. You understand me?

1:08:15🔗 Drew Or near kids.

1:08:16🔗 Adam Right? All right. Well, what, Drew?

1:08:18🔗 Guest What, Drew, did you want to hit that thing while I wasn't looking? Wow.

1:08:21🔗 Adam That's good.

1:08:21🔗 Drew Every morning after, guys, two days, three days, with which to get that pill and you can prevent pregnancy.

1:08:26🔗 Adam That's right. We're going to take ourselves a little break when we come back and speak to Chris. His 27th wife abuses him. This is some Jerry Adam. Good time with this. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Josh Wilcox and Jerry Crafts are both here from the LA Extreme, the XFL.

1:08:47🔗 Guest Off to a good start.

1:08:50🔗 Adam As far as I know, I mean, it feels to me like things have been going pretty well according to plan. Is Vince McMahon and the powers that be happy with the first couple of weeks?

1:09:01🔗 Guest I think so. I mean, the first rating they had was way beyond what they thought when they dropped this week to what they assumed. Right. They gave their advertisers a 4, I think, an estimate of 4 and it's still 5. If we get the games exciting like they have been, I think it will stick around.

1:09:18🔗 Adam The attendance has been somewhere in the 30-40 range for most of the teams, right?

1:09:24🔗 Guest Yeah, you know, they were estimating they won at least 25,000, all of them.

1:09:30🔗 Adam I was thinking when I was watching guys in the Coliseum, and I guess there's about 30 or 35,000 that showed up at the Coliseum, that probably, you know, Anaheim did that when the Rams were in here in the last few years, as idiots with the watermelons on their heads. But I was thinking, you know, and then I was thinking of Vegas, and I think the first game they showed in Vegas, they had a pretty big crowd out there, and I thought, well, they don't have anything going on. I mean, they don't have professional teams out there, really. You know what I'm saying? And I would assume that in places like Vegas, it did not have a professional football team, that you'd probably have more fans coming out because they don't have the 49ers in their squad.

1:10:12🔗 Guest They had a big festival before their games, too, you know, like just food booths and beer gardens and all that.

1:10:20🔗 Adam Yeah, they seem to know how to do it over there. They know how to get people out of the house. They're pretty good at getting people out of their apartment. So it should be a pretty big crowd coming up this week.

1:10:30🔗 Drew Where do they play? You going to be here or something?

1:10:32🔗 Guest Yeah, at the Sam Boyd Stadium. That's where we have training camp at. So we're in the same locker room we were because we had a training camp in Vegas.

1:10:40🔗 Adam What do they expect? 40,000 or so?

1:10:42🔗 Caller Yeah, they'll fill it out. They'll sell it out. I think the people are just finding it. The demographics were trying to find the 15 to 30 age group anyway.

1:10:51🔗 Guest With the monster truck and the teat-top pair.

1:10:53🔗 Caller And everybody wants to see boobs. You know what I mean?

1:10:56🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:10:56🔗 Caller And they're packing them in. And that's what they were going to do. I think that's what it's all about is giving the fans a good show and not just so much commercialized corporate stuff.

1:11:05🔗 Adam I'll tell you, for me and Drew, you brought this up at the beginning of the show with the withdrawals that go on during... You can actually see the... feel the serotonin levels drop off in me after...

1:11:16🔗 Drew The day after Super Bowl.

1:11:18🔗 Adam The day after the Super Bowl. For me, I'm comforted just knowing there's a game on TV. I'll put a game on on Saturday and walk around the house doing God knows what, just as long as I can hear whistles blowing and commentators and a few good hits, and every once in a while go running back in when some guy ran a punt back all the way. It's just like it's a comfort to me to know that there's actual ball going on out there during this what I would consider the down side of life. I usually just take valium and go into hibernation state. Drew, he puts an IV drip on me, keeps me alive, right?

1:11:55🔗 Caller That was the talk.

1:11:56🔗 Adam Until preseason. Is that what that was? I thought we weren't going to talk about that.

1:11:59🔗 Caller Chris?

1:12:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:01🔗 Adam You're 27.

1:12:02🔗 Caller How's it going?

1:12:03🔗 Adam Good.

1:12:04🔗 Caller Man, I want to start off saying that I have listened to you for so long, for like 10 years.

1:12:10🔗 Adam Great.

1:12:11🔗 Caller Wow.

1:12:11🔗 Caller Since I graduated.

1:12:11🔗 Caller That's great.

1:12:13🔗 Caller Used to hang out. But anyways, my question being is, you know, my wife, like, it started off cool where we would party, you know, going to college up in Washington.

1:12:22🔗 Adam Sure.

1:12:23🔗 Caller And then...

1:12:24🔗 Adam Hey, turn the radio down, brainiac.

1:12:27🔗 Caller All right. Here we go.

1:12:28🔗 Adam There you go. You know, that partying really paid off.

1:12:31🔗 Caller Yeah, recorded in front. That's better.

1:12:33🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, that's a thousand times better.

1:12:35🔗 Caller I've learned from listening to your show.

1:12:37🔗 Adam All right. Yeah. You've learned a very valuable lesson from listening to the show. Radio's up. Now it's on the static line.

1:12:44🔗 Caller Anyways, you know, I started off partying up in college. Now it got to a point where, you know, I have a great job up in Ventura on the beach. And I come home, get drunk, ties me up with my ties. I wear a suit. She'll tie me up.

1:13:01🔗 Adam Right.

1:13:03🔗 Caller I thought I was having a bad dream. You know, just, you know how dreams are so real. And I woke up and I was hurting and the next morning I look around and there's ties on the ground all ripped from me breaking free. We developed like two rolls of film and one of the rolls of film had pictures of me all tied up.

1:13:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:13:22🔗 Caller You see, he's beating on me.

1:13:23🔗 Adam Yeah. Hold on there, Gulliver. I'm not sure if I believe this or not. First of all, who would employ you? What kind of job you have? You wear a tie. What is this job?

1:13:34🔗 Caller We got the embassy suites.

1:13:37🔗 Adam Yeah. So you're parking cars?

1:13:39🔗 Caller Excuse me?

1:13:40🔗 Adam You're parking cars?

1:13:42🔗 Caller No. I went to school up in the Washington for hotel and restaurant administration.

1:13:48🔗 Adam I see. All right. So you got a decent gig and your wife now you come home, you get loaded.

1:13:55🔗 Caller That's the whole thing where I inherited money last year. And that whole $26,000 I inherited just dwindled down from her partying on the drink and just getting verbally abusive. And then it gradually moved to physically abusive.

1:14:10🔗 Adam She squandered your money on verbal abuse is what you're saying? You know those F words cost a lot these days and the mother F'ers like we're up to like 25, 30 bucks a pop. And that goes fast.

1:14:22🔗 Drew They live in Seamans, Seamally, no one does drugs or alcohol out there.

1:14:26🔗 Adam No.

1:14:27🔗 Drew So this is all addiction. This is all addiction, both of them. Severely addicted and this is going to continue to progress if you guys don't do something about it.

1:14:36🔗 Caller So this is my question. She was down here where you know we were kicked out. We moved in on my mom's house. It was a bad situation. We were waiting for money. We were going to move up to Washington again. And it was great up there. Three to one girls to guys going to college.

1:14:50🔗 Drew But you're married, right?

1:14:52🔗 Caller Well, that's a whole thing.

1:14:53🔗 Drew Why the hell is that making a difference to you?

1:14:55🔗 Adam Well, that's one of the odds.

1:14:56🔗 Caller Give me your favorite.

1:14:58🔗 Adam Why not? You're going to move to Dudeville?

1:15:01🔗 Caller You're going to move to a little hick town where there's 2,000 people where there's no employment.

1:15:06🔗 Drew Look, you guys, you guys, listen, I don't care where you go on the map, this addictive process is going to continue to progress and it is a disaster until you do something about it. You can run, but this thing is going to follow you. You have, both of you, need to get into some kind of recovery because this is a mess.

1:15:25🔗 Adam You don't have any kids, do you?

1:15:28🔗 Caller Well, that's another...

1:15:29🔗 Drew Hold my breath, I'm holding my breath.

1:15:31🔗 Adam Drew's getting ready to do a Fred Samford type heart attack.

1:15:35🔗 Caller I was in Denver and I got involved with a girl and we were with each other for five years when we had a child.

1:15:41🔗 Adam I see.

1:15:43🔗 Caller I was the father and she went to school while I was staying home watching the kids and roles were supposed to reverse. But that didn't happen. Since she got down with school, she took off with a girlfriend.

1:15:54🔗 Caller This is a Springer Show.

1:15:56🔗 Adam So what did you do? Sell that kid for a dime bag or where is the kid now?

1:15:59🔗 Caller I stayed out there for another year at least and tried to work and maintain my place and give money to her.

1:16:10🔗 Drew What happened to that child?

1:16:13🔗 Caller Well, the bottom line is her dad is a very rich dad so I cannot overpower his lawyer. My mom even tried to help me.

1:16:22🔗 Adam Alright, he's living in Denver somewhere. Listen, he's not with Chris. That's the good news. Yeah, raised by goats, he'd stand a better chance. Listen, you get stoned and eat him. Listen, Chris, listen buddy, you've got to take care of yourself. You're a mess. And your wife, I can only imagine what kind of shape your wife's in if she's tying you down to the bed.

1:16:44🔗 Drew And you're both going to black out, taking pictures.

1:16:47🔗 Adam Yeah, please, get yourself under control, would you buddy? It's not working out for you. This whole drug and booze thing, you can't handle it.

1:16:56🔗 Caller You okay?

1:16:57🔗 Adam Alright, get yourselves into some kind of rehab, get some help, you and your wife, alright? Stop screwing around, something's going to happen. Don't have any kids, I mean any more kids. Listen, just go to AA, would you just start getting into some help?

1:17:11🔗 Caller Eh, well.

1:17:12🔗 Adam Alright, sorry, party's over buddy. Yeah, this guy's like, holy.

1:17:19🔗 Guest I like to see his van. Wilcox, come on now, Wilcox.

1:17:23🔗 Adam Oh my God, I can't believe this guy's employed anywhere.

1:17:27🔗 Drew Isn't that wild?

1:17:28🔗 Guest It's a birthday party for me here.

1:17:30🔗 Adam Yeah, Mr. Han.

1:17:31🔗 Drew He drives to Ventura every day too.

1:17:34🔗 Adam That's the PA, I know that dude. Ah, I can't believe it. Alright, you never let your kid go to college in Washington.

1:17:42🔗 Drew A number one, B number two, now I know it.

1:17:44🔗 Adam Oregon too.

1:17:45🔗 Drew My rooms are all screwed up every time I go to a hotel.

1:17:47🔗 Adam Right.

1:17:48🔗 Drew I guess it's the Kohli behind the desk.

1:17:50🔗 Adam That's right, it smells like bong water. Your sheets smell like bong water. It's the Kohli, it's the Kohli Major Bed Bill.

1:17:57🔗 Yeah.

1:17:58🔗 Adam You're 28?

1:17:59🔗 Caller Yeah, 28.

1:17:59🔗 Adam What's up?

1:18:00🔗 Caller What's up? Basically, I just graduated from school. I used to be a corporate boy. Wasn't happy, went back to school. And where'd you go to study? I was studying actually what you guys are doing, video and audio production.

1:18:16🔗 Drew And what do you mean you used to be a corporate boy?

1:18:19🔗 Caller I don't think we do. No, I'm saying I used to be a sales and marketing guy. And then I just couldn't stand it. So I went back to school and got a got a degree in broadcasting and film production, that kind of thing.

1:18:31🔗 Drew Where are you from?

1:18:32🔗 Caller I'm from Boston.

1:18:34🔗 Adam Shocking.

1:18:35🔗 Caller Shocking.

1:18:35🔗 Adam Hey, you ever see that Woody Allen movie, Hanner and her Sisters?

1:18:41🔗 Caller No, I don't like Woody Allen flicks whatsoever.

1:18:44🔗 Adam Hanner was funny.

1:18:47🔗 Caller Woody Allen is in New York.

1:18:49🔗 Adam I see, yeah.

1:18:50🔗 Caller Forget about it. But anyways, I finished off my school and I've been having a little bit of a problem with drinking. It seems like when I'm freelancing, I'll come home after the day and I'll be fine and go home and whatnot and have a good night's sleep. Everything seems to be normal. But on a lot of the nights, as you know, freelancers don't get too much work, especially in this industry, unless you get a way to get in. I'm drinking a lot and I feel like I'm drinking because I'm lonely or I'm depressed or something. But I'm having a really hard time controlling it and it's really starting to bother me because there's less work and more bosom for me.

1:19:32🔗 Adam I see. What are you drinking?

1:19:34🔗 Caller The hard stuff. Pretty much the whiskey, the bourbon, that kind of thing.

1:19:39🔗 Adam I drank a Stoli and Gatorade last night when I got home.

1:19:44🔗 Caller Yeah, well that's a good one.

1:19:45🔗 Adam Yeah, I thought, hey, maybe I'm starting to develop a frown there.

1:19:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:47🔗 Adam I've never drank a Stoli and Gatorade before. After work out. Well, why not put some of those electrolytes back in when I'm... Drew, you disgusted at that?

1:19:56🔗 Drew I'm alarmed.

1:19:57🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:19:58🔗 Guest I usually have a glass of red wine when I get home.

1:20:00🔗 Drew Yeah, there was two glasses, then four glasses, then we're up to the Stoli and whatever.

1:20:03🔗 Adam Yeah, right. Hey, come on. I'm an athlete.

1:20:06🔗 Guest No, I didn't have any red wine.

1:20:07🔗 Caller I wanted a nice...

1:20:08🔗 Drew No kidding.

1:20:10🔗 Adam When I'm out of vodka, I just hit myself on the head with a rolling pin when I get home. Hey, Bill?

1:20:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:16🔗 Adam All right, so maybe you're an alcoholic, huh?

1:20:18🔗 Caller Well, I'm wondering if I am, but the thing is, is like, when I'm busy and I'm working or I really don't have a life besides trying to find a job or whatnot, and when I am working, everything's fine, but when I'm not, I'm drinking up a storm.

1:20:32🔗 Drew Well, you're getting momentum and eventually the amount and the sort of pattern with which you use will have its own momentum. In other words, it will continue to progress in spite of whatever's going on in your life.

1:20:46🔗 Caller Right. Now, Drew, come here to me, though. I mean, I'm not getting, like, hammered every night. I'm just, like, I'm drinking a lot. I'm not getting drunk, waking up in my bathtub or something like that. I'm just, I'm drinking a lot.

1:21:00🔗 Adam All right. You're making a great case for yourself.

1:21:02🔗 Caller Let me tell you, let me tell you, because I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I've been sober about five years now.

1:21:08🔗 Caller Okay.

1:21:08🔗 Caller I was kind of like you. I'd never been in trouble, right? But as I look back on 13 years of drinking, that not every time I drank, I got in trouble, but every time I got in trouble, I'd been drinking. Right? Any time something bad happened, I'd been drinking. And that was how my whole life was. But I'd never been arrested, never drunk driving, no, you know, no major things had happened. So there wasn't anything to be alarmed of, right? Wrong. I was slowly, slowly progression. Like Doc said, sooner or later, it catches up to where it just overcomes absolutely everything going on in your life.

1:21:37🔗 Adam What made you quit?

1:21:39🔗 Caller Well, I got thrown out of the NFL for a couple of years, suspended from the league and basically got sent to treatment. I did not know I was an alcoholic or a drug addict until I got in treatment and basically went through a period of detox. I had never put more than maybe one or two days sober together in over 13 years.

1:21:57🔗 Adam What was your drug of choice?

1:21:59🔗 Caller Well, at the end it was heroin, but obviously alcohol got to the point where it just didn't work anymore. Then pot and shrooms and acid and coke and crack and it just progressively got to the point to where...

1:22:09🔗 Adam Did you fail some drug tests in the NFL and you had a few strikes and eventually...

1:22:14🔗 Caller Well, see, like I said, I had never really been in trouble. They knew. They couldn't really prove it, but they knew I had a problem.

1:22:19🔗 Adam How do they know?

1:22:20🔗 Caller I never showed up not high.

1:22:23🔗 Adam Right, but I mean, you did like a urine test, drug test in the NFL.

1:22:27🔗 Caller Yeah, but they didn't get around those things, you know.

1:22:30🔗 Adam I'm saying when they suspended you or threw you out...

1:22:33🔗 Caller They have a program. You can self-admit yourself into a program, what they call it, the program. And when I did that, then they put you on a kind of a basis where if you fail again, then they're going to kick you out. So what happened to me was is everybody said, well, they kind of basically blackballed you, which is the best thing that ever happened to me because I'd jump right back in and start putting money back in my pocket. I'd probably been off and rolling, but instead I had to go to Amsterdam of all places and play in the World League for a couple of years.

1:23:01🔗 Adam Wow, you had a drug problem. That's a funny...

1:23:03🔗 Caller Well, no, that was six months sober and he sent me to Amsterdam, but yeah, I mean, it worked out, you know. It worked out.

1:23:08🔗 Adam He killed 15 hookers, but he never drank again. Never drank again. Oh my God.

1:23:13🔗 Caller Well, I was like this guy. I was filling up all this, you know, all the time, loneliness, whatever, with alcohol and drugs, and I just kind of related a little bit to the caller, you know.

1:23:22🔗 Adam Yeah, and I appreciate your candor. First off, I don't know, at least a pony keg to catch a mild buzz, I'm guessing, for Jerry.

1:23:30🔗 Caller Well, it got to the point where I couldn't. I couldn't get drunk anymore. And then I got to the point where pod didn't work and coke and crack. I got to the point where I just could not get high anymore.

1:23:38🔗 Adam But I couldn't imagine, you know, how many 300-pound-plus heroin guys are there out there?

1:23:44🔗 Caller I'm the only guy that ever gained weight on crack. I gained 40 pounds.

1:23:50🔗 Adam All right, we will take ourselves a little break and we'll be back after this. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew, Josh Wilcox and Jerry Crafts are both here from the LA Extreme. LA Extreme going to Vegas this weekend to play an undefeated Vegas squad. And like I said, I know it sounds like ass-kissing, but Drew, like I said, back me up. I've been enjoying this XFL since it began and so is my partner Drew. And you know what? We ain't snobs. No, I don't. I'm not Mr. Hype Guy, but I ain't a snob. I'm seeing guys kicking some ass out there and I'm watching some football. I'm seeing some cool camera angles I haven't seen before. And you know, the level of play to me, it doesn't matter. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I just mean like some people go, oh, well, it's not as good as the NFL, but it's better than college. It doesn't matter if it's Pop Warner to me. Just as long as everyone's equal and everyone's out there giving 100 percent and there's some good hitting going on and there's some big plays going on and there's, you know, fourth quarter comebacks and overtime victories on. I'm fine. I'm enjoying the hell out of it.

1:25:06🔗 Guest I'm enjoying the harmless visual stimuli.

1:25:08🔗 Adam Yes, yes, the chicks up in the stands and all the idiots in the Raider jackets at the LA. You guys can get some handsome windbreakers out at the opening of the tunnel.

1:25:17🔗 Guest I'm going to get my cousin to sell some Raider jackets outside and make some money off that thing. There's more jackets there.

1:25:23🔗 Adam Yeah, I saw, every time they cut to the stands, there's some A-hole in a Raider jacket going nuts. Probably Hyne just thought you guys were the Raiders.

1:25:30🔗 Guest They're back?

1:25:31🔗 Caller What?

1:25:33🔗 Adam Eric? Yeah. You're 20?

1:25:35🔗 Guest All right.

1:25:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:25:38🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:25:38🔗 Caller I've been going out with this girl for like three weeks, maybe. And anyway, we were getting kind of intimate, and I had her shirt off, and I reached down just under her pants a little bit, and I felt this patch of hair.

1:25:58🔗 Adam I see.

1:26:00🔗 Caller It's pretty substantial.

1:26:01🔗 Adam That's in the back of her pants?

1:26:03🔗 Caller That's in the back.

1:26:04🔗 Drew Is it in a mole, do you think? No.

1:26:06🔗 Caller It is definitely large.

1:26:08🔗 Drew No. Are you just talking like, you know what I'm talking about, is it just where the...

1:26:13🔗 Adam Oh, you say in a mole.

1:26:14🔗 Drew Like, mole, you can get big dark moles that have hair.

1:26:16🔗 Adam Yeah, but how big? That big? Oh, Drew, not that big.

1:26:21🔗 Guest Yes.

1:26:21🔗 Drew I forget the name for the name.

1:26:22🔗 Adam Like an abalone shell?

1:26:24🔗 Drew Yes.

1:26:24🔗 Adam No way.

1:26:25🔗 Guest Yes.

1:26:25🔗 Adam Well, that's a deal breaker. Who cares? Yeah, it was a mole the size of a hubcap.

1:26:31🔗 Drew You get these big dark birthmarks, they can be very hairy. There's a name for them. I forget the name of it right now.

1:26:36🔗 Adam Yeah, it's scary freak out syndrome. All right. So anyway, Eric, you reach back there.

1:26:41🔗 Caller Yeah, and I felt this pretty substantial hair. It's like maybe an inch and a half long. It goes like four inches across the top and then kind of trails down in a triangle.

1:26:52🔗 Adam Yeah, that's called the vagina.

1:26:56🔗 Caller Yeah, but on the reverse side.

1:26:58🔗 Adam Some women have to. They're like a windbreaker.

1:27:00🔗 Drew You can reverse them, push and pull you.

1:27:02🔗 Guest Reverseable vagina.

1:27:03🔗 Caller Yeah, why not?

1:27:05🔗 Caller Yeah. Anyway, I kind of backed off because I can't deal with it, man. It's a huge turn off for me. I was calling you guys to see if there's some way I can get her to wax it or anything.

1:27:20🔗 Adam Well, I don't know how you tactfully bring this up with her.

1:27:26🔗 Caller Yeah, man.

1:27:28🔗 Caller Tell her you want to shaver a vaginal region and just make a little cartoon out of it and why she's not paying attention, kind of roll over there and shave up on a little bit.

1:27:36🔗 Drew And there's laser now.

1:27:37🔗 Caller It's called not paying attention and roll her over. If you get tired of her, you can send her my way. I like a hairy-ass woman.

1:27:44🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:27:45🔗 Caller Absolutely.

1:27:46🔗 Adam Yeah, they're considered a delicacy today.

1:27:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:27:49🔗 Caller It reminds me of my little boy days.

1:27:51🔗 Guest Are you sure it's her ass that has the hair on it?

1:27:55🔗 Adam Is it the small of her back?

1:27:57🔗 Caller No, it's definitely the ass.

1:27:59🔗 Adam What's her nationality?

1:28:01🔗 Caller She's Caucasian.

1:28:02🔗 Adam I see.

1:28:04🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:28:04🔗 Caller I'm stumped.

1:28:06🔗 Guest I don't know.

1:28:07🔗 Adam How old is she?

1:28:08🔗 Drew Is she a laser for that now?

1:28:09🔗 Caller She's 22.

1:28:10🔗 Adam Yeah. Do you think you could just summon the courage to just talk to her about it? Because I don't see any way you're going to delicately weave your way around this. Do you know what I mean?

1:28:22🔗 Drew Yeah, I know. It's like a whole Chinese shop.

1:28:24🔗 Adam I don't know.

1:28:24🔗 Caller It's hard, man, because I don't see how I could do that without just making her so embarrassed that she won't be able to do it anymore.

1:28:30🔗 Drew Another difference between a man and a woman. Women put up with all kinds of crap and men.

1:28:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:28:34🔗 Guest Disgusting.

1:28:35🔗 Adam Yeah, you got to get loaded. You got to get drunk and just go for broke. Okay. You understand? Yeah. It's like some sort of hot dog eating contest or something. You can't just sniff everything that goes in. You just got to start shoving stuff in your face eventually.

1:28:51🔗 Caller That's what I do with every meal. Yeah, right.

1:28:53🔗 Adam You don't have time to sniff.

1:28:55🔗 Guest I don't know.

1:28:56🔗 Adam I would say just go for broke.

1:28:57🔗 Guest Don't you?

1:28:58🔗 Drew Talk to her.

1:28:58🔗 Adam Talk to her?

1:28:59🔗 Caller Maybe ask her if there's something about you that she really does find disgusting. Let her come off clean first. You know what I mean?

1:29:06🔗 Guest I think you heard that many times.

1:29:08🔗 Caller You don't feel so bad.

1:29:09🔗 Guest Yeah.

1:29:10🔗 Caller I'm that little doll who happens to all the guys, right?

1:29:14🔗 Adam Some people got it. She'll know that's a loaded question. Yeah. I don't even know where to get it.

1:29:19🔗 Caller Well, she's got a hairy ass, right?

1:29:21🔗 Drew You got to just laser.

1:29:23🔗 Adam Yeah, I know, but what's he going to do?

1:29:24🔗 Guest Bring the laser over to her house?

1:29:26🔗 Adam He's got to just cramp it up and get crazy. Well, listen, quite frankly, this is something that her friend should take care of.

1:29:35🔗 Drew Oh, there you go.

1:29:35🔗 Guest Let me talk.

1:29:36🔗 Adam Let me talk. Hey, Eric?

1:29:37🔗 Guest Yeah?

1:29:38🔗 Adam She doesn't have any friends, does she?

1:29:40🔗 Guest Oh, she has friends. What are they?

1:29:42🔗 Adam See, here's the problem with chicks. Guys would be on top of this immediately.

1:29:47🔗 Caller Absolutely.

1:29:48🔗 Adam First off, the guy would be named Ass-to-Pay. He'd be like at a restaurant, and they'd go, Paging, Mr. Ass-to-Pay, Mr. Ass-to-Pay, party of two, you and your hairy ass. My friends would let me know immediately if there was something up that needed to be changed, whether it was bad breath or just a bad earring or some cowboy boots I was trying to pull off that weren't working. They would immediately bring it to my attention. Her friends got to get on her.

1:30:17🔗 Drew Is that why they called you Mr. Merkin?

1:30:18🔗 Adam Mr. Merkin. Mr. Ass-Merkin. Paging, Mr. Ass-Merkin. Yes. Merkin is a patch of hair you strapped here. Drew, explain to Merkin, please. I'd rather not.

1:30:29🔗 Caller All right.

1:30:30🔗 Adam Hey, Eric?

1:30:31🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:30:31🔗 Adam Can you talk to one of her friends?

1:30:33🔗 Caller Yeah, but what am I going to say?

1:30:35🔗 Guest I think...

1:30:35🔗 Caller You're a friend of the hairy ass.

1:30:37🔗 Guest I don't know.

1:30:37🔗 Adam You see, in any way you slice it, this is not going to be a picnic for you. That's why I say you just get loaded and jump in. Shannon?

1:30:45🔗 Drew Yeah?

1:30:45🔗 Adam You're 23?

1:30:46🔗 Drew Yeah, I am.

1:30:47🔗 Adam All right. It scares you that your mom thinks... Your mom sees ghosts or you do?

1:30:55🔗 Caller No, she told me a couple of days ago that she sees ghosts.

1:30:58🔗 Adam All right.

1:30:58🔗 Drew You got to get her to a doctor.

1:30:59🔗 Caller Well, that's the thing. I told her that.

1:31:01🔗 Caller Really? She got kind of offended that I thought she should be seen.

1:31:05🔗 Drew Well, take her on in and then she won't be so offended. Seriously, go with her, take her in. This is something that needs to be evaluated.

1:31:12🔗 Caller Somebody told me that being on antidepressants can cause hallucinations.

1:31:17🔗 Drew Yeah, they could. Is she on antidepressants?

1:31:20🔗 Caller Yeah, she's on Plexa.

1:31:21🔗 Drew Yeah, definitely. At least you got to call the doctor that prescribes that medicine.

1:31:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:26🔗 Drew All right?

1:31:27🔗 Adam All right. Does she have a parent or a family member that's passed on?

1:31:32🔗 Caller Yeah, my grandmother, her mother.

1:31:34🔗 Adam All right. Tell her your mom came back and told her she needed to see the shrink. Fast. All right? Okay. Good times, baby.

1:31:41🔗 Caller We'll take a break.

1:31:44🔗 Adam Yeah, I want to give a birthday shout out to our wonderful, beautiful Lauren who answers the phones on the show.

1:31:51🔗 Drew Who is now 21.

1:31:52🔗 Adam Yes. As of now.

1:31:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:55🔗 Adam So for mom's listening, we're going out boozing tonight. What do you say? Whoring and boozing, boozing and whoring. Oh, we do it at the same time.

1:32:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:32:02🔗 Adam Yeah. What the...

1:32:04🔗 Drew This is... Yeah, yeah.

1:32:06🔗 Adam What the hell. I want to thank Josh and Jerry for coming in here from the LA Extreme. You guys were great. Best of luck to you. I'll be watching when you go to Nevada to whoop a little ass up there. It'll be a tough game. So but now, now I know, now I'm really going to feel connected to the squad. And who knows, next year maybe I'll go out for the team. Get my old square Tom Dempsey shoe out of the closet and start working on that kicking spot. All right, so until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:32:40🔗 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback