3:20🔗
Adam
Yes, indeed, indeed. Well, the hour of truth is almost upon us. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-A-V-E-191, fax number 310-854-4455.
3:35🔗
Adam
Dr. Drew, if I shake my ass fast enough, my nuts will sound like a cowbell. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Well, for those of you who haven't been listening to the show recently, tonight is the night. Let me just set this whole thing up, starting with the genesis of tonight's expedition. Drew and I have talked for years, probably been more than one year, couple of years about genital warts. Drew has always said that in urban centers, which means people live in populated areas, that it was an amazingly high percentage of people that had genital warts. And the percentage that he quoted always seemed a little bit too high to me. And you've said, I know you've downgraded a little bit. And by the way, Drew, you're not fooling me with these percentages. You're all over the map with these things. You really need to do some research on this. But the point is, and I think even if you do do the research, I mean, we're living in a society where I drive in, I hear PSA for the tobacco companies, and 55,000 Americans died of secondhand smoke last year. So, who the hell knows what the percentages actually are of anything? But the point is, is Drew says it's amazingly high percentage of people who have genital warts, and he was saying 40%, something up around that range. I said that sounded way too high, and he then said, well, the thing is, as many people have them and don't know they have them, including yourself. And I had two things to say to that. How dare you? And how dare you? So it went back and forth, and it was nothing but a sort of argument for at least a year until we finally, with the help of producer Anne and Dr. Marcel, decided to put our money where our mouths were and really get down to this. Now I have never had a wart or lesion on my penis that I did not cause myself, by the way, through a little rough trade on the zipper or by my own hand.
5:47🔗
Adam
Literally, yes. I refuse to believe that I have genital warts, but Drew says that I may be harboring the virus, not know it, and there's only one way to find it because it may not be accessible to the human eye, and that is something called the woods light. Ironic that you're shining the woods light on one's penis, isn't it?
6:20🔗
Drew
I'm going to have to have you put your thumb in your mouth and blow real hard. I know that's what's going to happen.
6:24🔗
Adam
Yeah, you do some blowing and something's coming out of that. I'll tell you that right now. Now, the woods light is basically a device. It has a little handle on it. It's probably about six inches by eight inches. It has a magnifying glass in the center of it, and fluorescent bulbs on each side of it. It sort of resembles one of those lights you might plug in to your cigarette lighter in your car and shine on the swamp when you want to dump the body. But it has a black light in it as well. When you turn the black light on and you dump this one-quarter acetic acid on the area in question, if there is anything that was not accessible to the human eye, it will be with the combination of the acid and the black light. That's what Drew was counting on. Now, our favorite plastic surgeon, Dr. Marcel, has joined us tonight in full surgical scrubs, by the way.
7:20🔗
Well, I figured this was quite the medical procedure. I needed to be dressed for action. It's how it's been today.
7:29🔗
Stayed into the work clothes all day.
7:31🔗
Adam
Dr. Marcel brought in, was nice enough to bring in the acid, the woods light, some gloves, some eye protection.
7:41🔗
Adam
Drew's also wearing a blacksmith smock too, a big thick leather smock that goes over his chest.
7:46🔗
Are you kidding?
7:49🔗
Are you going to double glove?
7:56🔗
Adam
Yeah, but she's not coming in here. I think he's just trying to get in her pants. She wants to ride in the Porsche. I know how that line goes. Marcel. Oh, and a hair net. Yes, put that hair net on, Drew. Marcel. Now, Marcel, what did you... Marcel's an excellent plastic surgeon. He took some offense to me calling plastic surgeons the pimp of the doctor world. But if not plastic surgeons, then who?
8:20🔗
Well, you do have a point there.
8:21🔗
Adam
All right. And I noticed he was wise to take off the pinky ring and gold nugget watch that he bought off the QVC before he came in here tonight.
8:32🔗
I don't even wear a watch.
8:37🔗
Did start off with some liposuction, some breast surgery, then just had clinic.
8:45🔗
Adam
All right. And do you understand that Drew resents you because he gets 35 bucks for looking up an old Jew's ass, and you get 15 grand for like 20 minutes of work on some Hollywood bimbo? Do you realize how much he loathes you?
8:59🔗
That's what managed care is done to medicine. It's made us the golden boys.
9:11🔗
No, the cosmetic end. I mean, most plastic surgeons do cosmetic surgery and then they do reconstructive surgery.
9:17🔗
Adam
Right. And I know you guys cling to that, but 99 percent of your work is boob enhancement, right?
9:22🔗
Now, a lot of it is, but-
9:30🔗
Those are usually covered by insurance, but managed care has also changed the criteria for that too. You have business people that are making decisions saying, well, we won't cover it anymore because we don't think it's necessary.
9:42🔗
Drew
The person has to be crippled. Yeah. Right. Yeah, they're paralyzed below the neck. Okay, now it's time.
9:47🔗
Adam
That'd be my policy too, by the way. Anything under the G cup is a stand, or at least I'm not going to have any part of paying for it. So anyway, Drew is here, Marcel is here. We're going to take a couple of calls, and in the next break, we'll then...
10:08🔗
You're going to shoot your wad off that early?
10:15🔗
Adam
I was going to say that Molly Sims, who's the model, the new model, who hosts House of Style, will be in here at the 11 o'clock hour, and I'm hoping to get my penis back in my pants before she arrives.
10:35🔗
I was going to say, in its shrunken state.
10:40🔗
Adam
You can... Listen, I'll dump the acetic acid on my penis. I've done it a thousand times.
10:51🔗
Adam
Oh, you are such a cheap hebe. My God. Drew, you're going to get a check out? You son of a bitch.
10:59🔗
Drew
Let's go to an ATM. All right. Is there an ATM right here? Adam, I'll run out the break.
11:16🔗
Adam
Okay, because if you write me a check, it's for 120, not for 100. It's going to, hey, gas, time, you know what I mean?
11:23🔗
Drew
I'll run out to an ATM. I'll probably get murdered out there. It's Culver City, for Christ's sake.
11:27🔗
Adam
You can go 120 on the check. You want to go 120? And if you write the check, you can probably write it off. It's a business expense.
11:35🔗
Adam
All right, 120 on the check. I got 100. The tax man will never know about this. So I'm going to put my $100 down here because after all, that was a bad on top of the... Wow, Marcel, you really...
11:46🔗
You really brought some money.
11:48🔗
Adam
You don't? Jesus, spent it all on the porch and the golden nugget watch. All right, so take a couple of calls and then...
12:07🔗
Adam
Yeah, I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous. I really do. Thank God I rarely ever get laid or I'd really be nervous. Crystal?
12:14🔗
Yeah.
12:15🔗
Well, sometimes right before we have sex, we just, you know, put it in just to get things going. And sometimes we...
12:23🔗
What?
12:25🔗
And sometimes we overdo it, but we never let it go all the way. I was just wondering how big of a percentage could you get pregnant from just doing that?
12:35🔗
Drew
If you get pregnant that way, it's 100 percent. We don't know. You can't give a number on what the probabilities are.
12:41🔗
Adam
What's your boy? I can factor in some probables. So what's your boyfriend do for a living?
12:49🔗
He works at a grocery store.
12:50🔗
Oh, hi.
12:52🔗
He's 17.
12:55🔗
No.
12:56🔗
Adam
No. I see. And how are your parents? Are they together? No. No. All right. There's a high likelihood that eventually you're going to get pregnant. Well, here's the deal. Even if it's 10%, you guys are boffin 10 times a week, right?
13:20🔗
Adam
All right. Still, it's only going to take you six months to get to 10 times. Do you know what I'm saying? Actually, five months.
13:39🔗
Not out of the way.
13:40🔗
Adam
Okay. Listen, screwball, you're going to get pregnant and by the way, you've just cursed yourself by making this phone call. Now, you're definitely going to get pregnant if you continue with this. All right?
13:58🔗
Yeah, that's me.
14:19🔗
Adam
Yeah, you're very passive aggressive, Drew. Drew, you do have your checkbook though, right?
14:25🔗
Drew
Yeah, but some of the drama of this money sitting here just isn't quite as a, you know what I mean? If I could.
14:39🔗
There's a B of A across the street.
14:47🔗
Drew
Let me just quickly. I want to hear what he wants to say about this, then I'll go do it.
14:51🔗
Caller
Yeah, I was watching The O'Reilly Factor today, and they were talking about a male birth control pill, and they didn't mention the name of it or what it was called or when it would be available, and I was kind of wondering about it.
15:05🔗
Drew
There are a few of the things being tested out there. One of the things I read about that I thought was intriguing is the medication nifedipine turns out paralyzes sperm. They can't move. They came upon this serendipitously when they noticed at a fertility clinic, multiple men who were presenting with difficulty with sperm motility happened to be on that medication.
15:29🔗
Drew
No, they were going to fertility clinic, though. No, but the point is, I don't know the first. No, they'd be on just for high blood pressure.
15:46🔗
Adam
I'm not sure the way it works. They have some of the elements than the female birth control pill or in this pill apparently. They say it's been very effective and it should hit the streets in five years. That's what the news is, so I don't know exactly how it works.
16:04🔗
Drew
It's hard to turn off sperm production and all of it without really screwing around with the male's endocrine system, really screwing around with it.
16:11🔗
Adam
That's always been my argument. All right, Drew, go to the ATM, get 100 bucks, and then hustle back in here. Marcel, you hang out here, you pick the phone calls. You've done this before, just like old times. Marcel, can you believe how cheap Drew is? The first thing he said is, I'll cut you a check. As soon as I told him that check was going to be for 120, I tell him to go to the ATM.
16:43🔗
Adam
Yeah. There's cobwebs, big dust cloud comes out. There's an old church mouse was running around in his wallet last time he opened it up, and it was blind. It had not seen sunlight in so many years. Beth?
17:01🔗
I have a question about ectopic pregnancy.
17:04🔗
Dr. Drew, I had a friend who had an ectopic pregnancy and she had an abortion because of it. Her doctor suggested that. Is there any possible way she could have had some sort of a surgery to move the developing fetus into her uterus?
17:18🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on. Marcel, ectopic is where the egg starts developing in the fallopian tube?
17:28🔗
It could kill the mother. But could it have been possibly surgically removed and put into the uterus rather than aborting the embryo?
17:37🔗
Caller
I don't think that the technology for fetal or very young infant type surgery like that has been advanced to the point where you can transplant the fetus and the growing placenta and put it somewhere else in the uterus where it will take.
17:51🔗
Right. So pretty much she had no choice. She had to get an abortion. Otherwise, she could have killed herself.
18:00🔗
Oh, I'm not obsessed with it. I'm just curious.
18:06🔗
I'm not a Bible beater. Calm down.
18:07🔗
Adam
I know. But I'm saying if the doctor said, hey, this is the procedure you need to do and she followed her doctor's orders, why would you question it after that?
18:16🔗
Well, she wanted to have a baby. She's 23. She's married. She wanted to have a child. She really didn't want abortion to be her option.
18:22🔗
So, I mean, I'm thinking if there's any other way, I mean, we could have funded. But if there's no way, then that's how it goes.
18:30🔗
All right. Thank you.
18:31🔗
Adam
All right, Beth. Take care of yourself there. Again, my penis will be checked under the black light with the one quarter acetic acid. And what would 100... What is this acetic acid I'm dumping on my penis?
18:47🔗
Adam
I try to... I try to keep acid away from my penis. It's one of the few things my dad taught me.
19:01🔗
Adam
All right. But don't worry. You just ripped it off from the supply. Yeah. Good. All right. And Drew is going to the ATM to get his $100 out because we have $100 on the line. And my penis will be coming out probably about 10 minutes now, right, in the next break. Sarah.
19:28🔗
Caller
Okay. I have fantasies about like 14 to 16 year old boys being abused sexually and physically by other men.
19:40🔗
I know you're going to say that.
19:47🔗
Caller
Like it like like that's what I like to think about. Like if I'm going to like sit there and not do anything, I like to think about that kind of stuff. Like I feel bad for like the boy or whatever.
20:00🔗
Adam
Yeah. You don't see this is why women are different than guys. When guys sit around and think about something, they whack off. You don't masturbate to this, do you?
20:20🔗
Adam
Well, that sounds like something. Why do you think you think about boys though being abused?
20:36🔗
Caller
No. I was a little bit, I guess. I was a little bit physically abused and a little bit sexually abused.
20:50🔗
Caller
Like it wasn't like a whole bunch. Like it wasn't like, I don't think it really damaged me that much. Like I don't sit and cry about it.
21:09🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. Drew, I know we're talking about how cheap you were when we left. When you put your ATM card, when you put the card in the machine, doesn't it say like, are you sure? Doesn't you have that encoded in your card encrypted somehow?
21:25🔗
Adam
Yeah. Drew's dad was telling me, sending him to the poor house. All right. So Sarah was physically, sexually, I should say, abused by her babysitter who was a female. Now she sort of fantasizes about guys getting physically sexually abused, I should say. Sarah?
21:53🔗
Caller
Well, no, because I know her. I see her every day, almost, not every day, but she is now all grown up and she works at a record and tape creators.
22:06🔗
Adam
Good times. All right. Listen, if somebody did this to you, you need to talk about it, you need to talk to a counselor, you need to get some help for it.
22:14🔗
Caller
Well, I told my mom and she was really upset about it, and that's why I didn't want to tell her.
22:17🔗
Adam
I know, but you need to talk to a counselor about it, and don't worry about the fantasies, that will all clear itself up, you have to sort of start at the source of the problem, which is you. Don't examine the-
22:44🔗
Caller
Well, after the abuse segment that you guys are about to perform, you know, that'll change her way of feeling about this.
22:52🔗
Adam
I don't know why she called. You're 13, you're sexually abused by your babysitter. It's important that you talk to someone.
23:02🔗
Adam
That is our final verdict. All right. Dr. Marcel is here. He's in full surgical scrubs. He has brought gloves. He brought a hockey mask for Drew to put on. He's brought the swabs and gauze. And just last week, I was asking Drew, what happened to gauze? It used to be such an important part of my life and people talked about it.
23:24🔗
Adam
They don't call them gauze anymore. Here's what I'm worried about. Future generations are not going to know what gauze is. I'd like to see gauze make a comeback. That's what I'd like. All right. He has his 25% acetic acid and his black light, all going on my penis after this.
24:21🔗
Adam
That's the sound of my testicles rattling around in my scrotum sack. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Joined tonight by plastic surgeon, extraordinary, Dr. Marcel. Dr. Marcel has brought in a woods light. It is a black light with a magnifying glass built into it. He's also brought in a solution, which is 25 percent acetic acid.
24:59🔗
Adam
Yes, my penis will burn right off. All right. Drew, why don't you start gloving up? Start suiting up. Drew is putting on the mask. Now, Drew, I know you hate that mask. Why don't you put that mask on last? If you hate it so much, you put the gloves on.
25:16🔗
Adam
Really? Listen, people perform surgery with those gloves on. You can't tie a goddamn mask.
25:28🔗
Adam
Yeah. That's why he's laughing all the way to the bank. Speaking of the bank, we have $200 sitting up here. This is the most I've spent on my penis since I was in Nevada. He is now putting on the Leucite, I'm sorry, the latex gloves.
25:49🔗
Adam
I corrected myself immediately, boys. I'm getting ready to assume the position. So Drew, you're up there.
26:09🔗
Drew
Are you going to handle the penis too? Where are the people staring at us? Look at this.
26:13🔗
Get on your knees, scumbag!
26:15🔗
Adam
Marcel, with the camera, by the way. You think you could put the camera down when I get the penis out?
26:26🔗
Adam
Yeah. Now, what I'm doing is I'm taking this acid and I'm dumping it all over this gauze.
26:34🔗
Adam
Right. All over the studio, too. I'm going to douse two of them to have plenty for the penis.
26:44🔗
Marcel, move over. I can't see.
26:50🔗
Adam
Jesus Christ. I've never been so nervous in my life. Drew, put the black light on. Don't put the big light on.
26:57🔗
Adam
Marcel, I swear to Christ, if I see a picture of my crank on the internet, I'll sue your ass.
27:05🔗
Adam
Marcel, you can't take pictures of my penis. Do you understand that? What? Hey, dude, plastic surgeons take a hippocratic oath as well. All right. I'm dropping my pants now.
27:17🔗
Adam
All right. All right. I'm just going to dump it. Let me get a little extra chub going here. Jesus Christ. I'm nervous. All right. All right. The penis.
27:33🔗
Adam
That's just a little lint. Come on. All right. All right. I'm dousing myself with the acetic acid now. Wait a minute. Yes. I'll put a little extra on the nut for you later, Drew. I know you like that.
27:47🔗
All right.
27:51🔗
You ready?
27:59🔗
All right.
28:25🔗
Adam
How about a little a hernia check? All right, now seriously, I can't see anything. Let me see that thing.
28:38🔗
Adam
While you're down there, Drew, I have a hernia down there. Can you see that? Can you check that while you're down there?
28:47🔗
Adam
Oh, jeez, you've got to get Marcel over there. Ann, you better not be looking at my nuts.
29:07🔗
Adam
Jesus Christ, this is humiliating. Where? My ass is hanging out, Ann staring at it. All right, get a good look in there.
29:21🔗
Adam
I'm looking with my naked eye. You can't see that? That's where my penis attaches to my nuts.
29:40🔗
Adam
I feel so dirty, so cheap. I'm going to sit in a tub for two hours tonight, crying in a fetal position.
30:23🔗
Adam
Now, listen, you dump enough vinegar on an area and shine a black light on it, you're going to see something, but you're looking for something specific, right?
30:33🔗
Adam
All right, but let me bring this up, Drew. If one had this virus, wouldn't one see a proliferation of these things on the penis?
30:55🔗
Drew
By the way, what's with the talc and the lint? It's like full decoy outfit going on there. It's like you had a thousand tiny warts when the thing lit up.
31:08🔗
Drew
You knew you were going to- First of all, not put the talc in. How dare you? Put the damn lint in and the talc.
31:37🔗
Adam
That is not warts. You're going to have- Listen, put the stuff on my hand and shine the light on it. You're going to see a certain amount of white stuff on there. Yeah. Yeah, a little yeasty on the peckeroo. All right. So I'm taking this $100. There is no conclusive wardage on that penis.
31:58🔗
Adam
All right. And okay. But if you had a patient, if you were looking at their penis, what would you tell them?
32:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. I mean, it wasn't as if you just took a glance at it from across the room. You were really on my Johnson. I mean, on it, buddy. On. I haven't had a mouth that close to my penis since I worked construction. That was great, Drew.
32:27🔗
Adam
All right. Now, I'm taking this $100, and I'm spending it on what, Drew? Hard candy and crack cocaine.
32:35🔗
Adam
All right. I think we should break a little bit early so I can ring out my penis, find my dignity, and then we'll come back after this.
33:40🔗
Adam
Yeah, it really, it looked like a car that had been put up on blocks, covered, and put in a barn.
33:47🔗
Adam
Very, very low penis. Yes, I have a black penis. Well, it looked a little purple. It's got a decent hang to it, right?
33:56🔗
Adam
Thank you. Drew, I'm willing to go double or nothing on the anus, if you want to check for warts.
34:08🔗
Drew
Here's the more disturbing fact is Anderson goes, nobody believes that you were down there doing that, after hearing that, after just suffering through that, that to marry to think the people don't actually understand.
34:29🔗
Caller
I will swear an affidavit that there was an actual exam. I have never seen Drew so intent ever.
34:40🔗
Adam
Yes. All right. So I'm going to take my hundred dollars and score some crack cocaine tonight at the park on the way home. Thank you. And penis in pristine condition, right? No cuts, no bruises, no lesions.
34:55🔗
Adam
That's right. I keep it in a Crown Royal sack, and I only take it out after the street lights have come on.
35:08🔗
Drew
Really, now coming home, just very clearly, just how deprived you've been. You're a 40-year-old man.
35:17🔗
Hey, my money was always on Adam because you can't get anything from pornos.
35:22🔗
Drew
I understand. I really didn't understand. Seriously, Anderson, his penis had not been used. It's an unused penis. Low mileage.
35:41🔗
Adam
Thank you. I believe in abstinence, even in responsible adults. All right. We will hop back on the phones. And again, I want to thank Dr. Marcel for bringing in his woods light, his equipment, his gauze, his gloves, and all the rest of it. Couldn't have been done without him. And we'll speak to Shelly. Shelly is 24. And again, at the 11 o'clock hour, model Molly Sims will be in here, who's the new host.
36:23🔗
Adam
Well, I couldn't be better. I have a clean bill of health. I have a pristine penis. I have $100 in my wallet.
37:01🔗
Yeah.
37:16🔗
Adam
Why don't you have yourself a big bushel of asparagus and then pop a few B vitamins, and really get to the bottom of this? Maybe Drew could show up with this woods light, and really see if he could shine some light on this situation.
37:33🔗
Adam
A wood, yeah. This is the thing I use to check bedspreads when I go to motels. It does work. Yes. I saw Satan when I was at Holiday Inn. Satan was written in semen on the comforter.
37:49🔗
Adam
It'd be like the natural when the ball hit the scoreboard. It'd just be sparks flying everywhere from the hamper in the woods light.
37:57🔗
Adam
Yeah. It'd be like roaches in the kitchen when you flick the light on. All right. So, Shelly. Yes. Well, maybe it's urine. Maybe it's... Does it happen during orgasm?
38:22🔗
It's pretty flowing, though.
38:25🔗
.until I realize what's happened.
38:36🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on. Drew, what is it about people? You stand over the toilet for a half hour and then you hop in the sack and something comes out of you anyway. You know what I mean? What is that little urine storage that humans have? That little emergency urine storage that we all have? What is that?
38:56🔗
Adam
Oh, for Christ's sake. I know. I take a leak. I get myself all cleaned out. I get into bed. I shut the light. I put my big padded lovey mask on and turn my Sounds of the Pacific Ocean on and five minutes later I'm back up taking another leak. How does that work? I mean, why? Could there be some kind of suction device that you could put on the end of your penis to suck every drop of it out of there?
39:25🔗
Drew
We'll have any bet we want to make around that. The volume of remnant, how much post-void residual retained urine, what's it going to be?
39:32🔗
Adam
I could not imagine having something put up the urethra. I really couldn't. I don't even like air up there. I put a piece of gum on it before I go to sleep, just so air doesn't get trapped up in there. All right. Rachel?
39:45🔗
Adam
Drew, you've taken one of these swabs and put it up one of those old Jews penises that you work on.
40:03🔗
Drew
I can't believe that Anderson had the tamari to say, people would not believe that you actually did what you did.
40:11🔗
Caller
A quick thing. There are two commercials all over MTV and on HFS down here about Loveline.
40:23🔗
Adam
Not, they say coming up after Daria. Right. Six hours after Daria, tune in for a very special Loveline rerun.
40:41🔗
Caller
No, it's just like a Loveline show and will show like a stupid caller and then you nagging about the stupid caller.
41:10🔗
Drew
Things can go out of whack quicker with the vomiting stuff. The eating disorder, the problems that people get into can be more difficult to reverse from not eating. OK.
41:21🔗
Caller
And will this stick with you forever? Because I've heard once you start, you really can't stop.
41:34🔗
Drew
Thank you very much. You do. Believe me, it has about a one out of five chance of dying.
41:43🔗
Drew
It's actually very much very similar to addiction treatment, that anyone who does the work gets better. And it's a protracted illness. And it's a constant struggle for a lot of people. It depends what you're talking about as successful treatment. It's really remissions. And people still have some of these behaviors.
42:02🔗
Adam
Yeah. I mean, they have like, it's, I've seen this on 2020. Some woman, she has a house. There's like 25 women there. They play croquet during the day and then they try to eat at night. I figure you could really get laid in one of those homes. You know what I mean? All those damaged, wounded women in there with the low self-esteem, you know, models and what not. Don't you think? You know what I mean?
42:43🔗
Drew
A, people don't believe. After having gone through such a traumatic experience, no one understands what I've been through and doesn't accept it. B, the lint and the talc I had to dig through to find your penis was offensive.
42:53🔗
Get on your knees, scumbag.
42:56🔗
Adam
Listen, I want to say something about me, my confidence, my character and my penis. I dumped a quart of this acetic acid on it.
43:04🔗
Adam
I did not dab it on sparingly. I want like an Armenian puts on cologne. I put that acetic acid on my penis. Kristen?
43:20🔗
I wanted to know if there was like a legal way that I could get out of my parents' house.
43:29🔗
Right now, I'm visiting my mom and my stepdad's in Ass.
43:47🔗
Like, oh, you're going to be pregnant by a 16-year-old welfare mom, da-da-da.
43:51🔗
Drew
Now, this is the people you're living with? Or you said you were visiting? What's the situation with the parents you live with?
44:05🔗
Adam
Yeah. He's abusive, but that doesn't sound horribly abusive. I mean, he's not a great guy, but he's not beating you, right?
44:25🔗
Adam
Yeah. How dare you, by the way? How dare you? Sorry, Kristin? Yeah. All right. Drew, seriously, double or nothing warts on the anus. Let's do it right now.
44:43🔗
Adam
It's like trying to find Santa's mouth. You can't find it. Admiral Byrd couldn't find my anus. Did he discover the North Pole? All right. Hey, Kristin?
45:01🔗
Yeah.
45:07🔗
Yeah.
45:17🔗
I have. She said there's no way she'll leave my stepdad.
45:22🔗
Adam
Well, she doesn't need to leave him. She just needs to talk to him, tell him to tone it down a little bit, right?
45:29🔗
She's tried that.
45:37🔗
My brother went through a suicidal period, and he offered to help him.
45:42🔗
Adam
Now, that just sounds like he's being helpful. That's all. Bad guy. All right. I don't know. You can't run away. You have nowhere to go.
45:51🔗
Drew
Do you have any sort of support at school or school counselor or anybody in the community you can go to?
46:00🔗
I have a friend that is 26.
46:13🔗
Adam
Hey, Kristen. Listen, I know this may sound naive and I don't want to make less out of your situation than what it is, but you don't have many alternatives and here's what it is. You got to go to school, you got to get your grades good, you got to get involved with a whole bunch of crap. That keeps you out of the house all the time and then you have to come home, eat your meals, do your homework, and go to bed and stay out of this guy's crosshairs. You got a couple more years of this and then you go off to college.
46:43🔗
Adam
Listen, I don't know why I don't perceive this is real a problem as she says. Maybe it's her attitude. You know what I'm talking about?
46:52🔗
Adam
But it doesn't seem like enough to go to a foster home or to run away or any of that stuff. I'm sorry your mom's a bitch and your stepdad's an a-hole.
47:02🔗
Drew
And the biological dad's ignoring her. She needs to go out and get a supportive group of friends.
47:07🔗
Adam
But listen, I got to give this speech one more time. If you have crappy parents and the situation is not good at home, provided they're not raping you or beating you, they're just bad parents. Maybe they're a little abusive. Maybe they don't care. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Start playing sports, start going to school, start hanging with your friends. Just stay out, and then you come home, you go to bed, you get up at 730 in the morning, you leave again, you don't come home till 830 at night. That's what you have to do. You ride it out for a few years, then you go off to college. Or like me, you enter the fast-paced, lucrative world of carpet cleaning. Or my penis went unmolested for many years.
47:51🔗
Caller
And every time I have penetration, like deep penetration, I cry. It's not like I cry hysterically, but I tear up and I can't control it. I cry everywhere.
48:14🔗
Adam
Oh, you're crazy, baby. What happened? You get raped when you're younger? What turned you lesbian?
48:51🔗
Adam
All right. So, listen, Sarah, we got to take a break. Here's the deal. I'm still celebrating my penis, by the way. That's why I'm a little bit distracted. You're freaked out, I think, because your stepdad penetrated you.
49:30🔗
Adam
Sarah, listen, you got to get some counseling. You got to talk to your shrink about this. I've told everyone at this time and time. My dad missed a couple of Pop Warner football games. I'm still in therapy.
49:40🔗
Adam
Your stepdad rapes you, you have to go to therapy. Go there, talk to the therapist, and magically, the penetration issues will go away. All right, Molly Sims, who is the new host of House of Style on our fabulous station MTV is going to be in here to examine my pristine penis after this. Oh, yeah. Hey, it's Loveline. There we go.
50:45🔗
Adam
He did it. He stood up and gave a big point to Anderson did. That's why I got in a radio. Second half, a producer, I mean, a engineer pointed me that way. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-LEVE-191, System of a Down. Our old friends will be in here tomorrow night. Last time System of a Down was in here. I drove out to one of the guy's houses to get a porno movie off him during the show, if I recall.
51:14🔗
Adam
Taboo 2. Here's the theme song. All right, Anderson, that's enough. Molly Sims is our guest tonight. She's from MTV. She's from House of Style, which airs on the Fabulous MTV Network, if in fact it is a network, 2.30 and 11 o'clock, twice a day. And also, how does the Mission Makeover work?
51:38🔗
Molly Sims
The Mission Makeover works where we take Southern California kids, because the Beach House is located in San Diego this summer, and we take kids.
52:10🔗
Adam
I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to go home. I'm going to take a victory lap around my house in the nude, and then it's right to the ritualistic masturbation in the basement. Right, Drew?
52:23🔗
Drew
I'm just trying to think. Maybe you actually did pull your penis off looking at Jenna Jamieson's CD, and you attached somebody else's.
52:29🔗
Adam
I did take a look at that DVD. I got my porn DVD back from a guy who brought it to Texas with him the other day. But that's another story. Let's focus on House of Style and Mission Makeover. Yeah. Now, wait, is Mission Makeover separate from House of Style then, right?
52:55🔗
Molly Sims
No, we don't take homeless kids. What do you do? We take kids from Southern California. We make them over. We basically grant them a wish. We give them hair, makeup, stylist, wardrobe.
53:19🔗
Adam
You got to warn me if you're going to have any more of those outbursts. Yeah, I do need a makeover.
53:27🔗
Adam
I need a look. I was reading your bio, Molly, and I saw something that I see in every model's bio, which is, here we go. Yes, Molly's roommate urged her to have her pictures taken and send them to an agency in New York. There's no model working that will admit she is beautiful, looked in the mirror one day and decided she could make some money. Why won't models do that? Why does every publicist have to say that the model was urged by some third party to get into modeling?
54:03🔗
Adam
You must have known you were spectacular looking from the day you came out of your mother.
54:09🔗
Adam
Since you were 12, people told you should be a model. You must have given it some thought.
54:15🔗
Adam
Here's the other part of the story. Wait, tomboy, ganky, too tall, skinny, no dates, couldn't get a date to the prom, right?
54:23🔗
Molly Sims
I had dates. I had a very good looking date to the prom, quarterback of the football team.
54:27🔗
Adam
All right. Finally, we're getting somewhere, some candor from a model. So you were not planning on being a model. You were-
54:34🔗
Molly Sims
Going to Vanderbilt two years, going to spend my junior year abroad at the London School of Economics. And basically she talked me into getting pictures made. And my mom and I were-
54:50🔗
Molly Sims
No, but I mean, yeah, a lot of people said you were very tall, you photographed well, you should think about it. But I was at school, my parents had bust their ass to put me at Vanderbilt, you know, to keep me there.
55:22🔗
Adam
Oh, listen, screw those Vanderbillions. Please, what a bunch of snobs over there. Now, I was looking at this House of Style alumni list, and of course we all know-
55:35🔗
Adam
Well, we see the Rebecca Romaine and Daisy Fuentes, and of course, Cindy Crawford, but Amber Valletta.
56:00🔗
Adam
You heard it here first. No, no, they didn't suck it at all. Molly Sims says, Slomo. Amber of Lennie and Shalom Suck.
56:29🔗
Caller
Okay. My question is, when I was younger and first starting to date and stuff, I was abused by a couple of boyfriends. That was before I was having sex and things. Now that I'm out and I'm sewing oats and whatnot, I like it a little bit rougher. I was wondering if it had to do with one had to do with the other.
56:51🔗
Drew
No. We got to dial the clock back a little bit further into why you chose the abusive guys in the first place.
56:58🔗
Adam
Yeah, but they weren't extremely abusive. They just liked the little ass-slapping, right?
57:03🔗
Caller
Well, no, no, no, no. The abusive ones were when before I was having sex. Like one of them beat me up because I wouldn't sleep with them and then another one was just kind of a dick.
57:24🔗
Drew
No, it couldn't be. And that's why we were not looking for that when we asked you what came before.
57:48🔗
Drew
Well, it has everything to do with why you were victimized and what was going on in your life at that time. What was the circumstance? Was it a neighbor, that kind of thing?
57:59🔗
Caller
Well, my mom and my dad were kind of party animals. And when I was younger, they would take us over to the party house and all the kids would get put in the back room, right? And then one night, one of the dads came into the back room and just started playing with me and a couple other girls.
58:19🔗
Drew
But that's the kind of sick F's that her parents were hanging out with, the kind of parents, the kind of abandoning, inattentive.
58:25🔗
Adam
It is becoming a recurring theme for tonight's show, which is you got to get some therapy after work this out.
58:39🔗
Drew
Yeah, but hang on. The good news is she was aware that she was choosing abusive guys, trying to change those choices.
58:58🔗
Caller
Well, no. I've been in therapy. It's like I'm with nice guys now. It's just that when I have sex with them, I like them to be tied down.
59:18🔗
Drew
As long as she has capacity- As long as she has capacity for intimacy, like you're choosing guys that are not actually abusive.
59:31🔗
Yes?
59:34🔗
Caller
Well, I had a breast reduction recently, and I'm really not happy with the result. And I was wondering if there's any way you can like regain them naturally.
59:53🔗
Adam
Well, it was a problem. I really had to bring it in. I thought I was going to be a ballet dancer.
1:00:03🔗
Adam
I it took a second person to measure it. I was always too coy, too shy to enlist the help of someone else. I never fully was able to measure it accurately. But I did do a water displacement test on it when I was 17.
1:00:20🔗
Adam
Eleven quarts came out of the graduated cylinder. Yes. Erin? Yes. What were you before you got your reduction? What was your cup size? Double D. What are you now?
1:00:53🔗
Adam
I don't know. Wait. Hold on. Are you telling me you're 120, 5'7, with a double D cup? You know, me and my pristine penis and you could have started a colony of super pristine people somewhere in Canada had you not undergone this surgery.
1:01:21🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. Why does every god damn caller calls this show tonight sound like they're chewing cud? Do you know what I mean? It's like, well, well, it's like I'm asking an old minor for directions in some ghost town. You people are 17 years old. You should be able to speak clearly by that age. Now, please spit it out. Try me insane. You know, it's a new attitude of the pristine penis.
1:01:51🔗
Adam
You spit out your dip, right? All right. So you got the thing done because it hurt your back and you think he took too much off.
1:02:05🔗
Drew
Most people are reduced to the C-cup and going above that would not have taken care of your back problems. Okay.
1:02:11🔗
Adam
Okay. So here's the good news. You're 5'7, you're 120 and you have a nice healthy C-cup. All right?
1:02:21🔗
Molly Sims
And a C-cup is still, I mean, for her frame and her size, it's still a good size.
1:02:28🔗
Adam
Yeah. I wish I had a C-cup too. It'd be great. It's my own C-cup at home. You know what I mean? Probably keep it under the bed, pull it out.
1:02:45🔗
Caller
Okay. In the past, I can have really intimate friendships, but I can't have intimate relationships. Once a guy shows interest in me, I pull out.
1:03:02🔗
Adam
Listen, Drew, I'm done solving people's problems. I'm looking for sheer entertainment tonight, so keep going, Brittany.
1:03:13🔗
Caller
Just when I was little, growing up, I was always taught, like, my parents were really religious and I was taught, like, to wait, and we would have classes on, like, how you couldn't trust older guys and stuff like that.
1:03:39🔗
Adam
Yes. Yeah. Hey, Dad, send me to catechism to learn not to hang out with old guys, and guess what? I'm dating grandpa. Yeah.
1:04:01🔗
Adam
Men payback other men by smashing their cars, though. They don't do it in a long, slow, cancerous way, like women do.
1:04:21🔗
Caller
Yeah, because I can have a relationship with him. I can't have a relationship with someone my own age.
1:04:53🔗
Adam
Oh, boy. This guy is flawed. Really? Unless a guy has psoriasis, he should not be hanging around in a tan salon. Does he wear any jewelry, this guy?
1:05:34🔗
Caller
Because my dad knows it all. He knows everything that I think and he's always right.
1:05:42🔗
Adam
All right, so you're angry at dad and now you're going to pay him back by getting on with this 38-year-old guy.
1:05:48🔗
Drew
That's the drill, Brittany. Break loose of that. Do something that's good for you and not that pays back dad.
1:06:02🔗
Adam
All right. Yeah. See, listen, it's a bizarre life, but everyone just goes through it on some kind of payback autopilot. Well, not everyone.
1:06:10🔗
Drew
It's like they're so united. They're so sort of fused to their relationship with the parent, that they don't realize that their self is caught in that dance, and what all their behaviors are in response to some dysfunction in that relationship.
1:06:26🔗
Drew
They don't realize it. It's just, hey, I'm my own person. I'm going out of 38 year olds. Wait a minute. You're going that way because of how dad pisses you off.
1:06:36🔗
Adam
Melissa? Hi. And by the way, all you people call up who claim not to be angry and then we get it out of you. The reason we get it out of you is because you sound angry. You sound very, Drew, isn't that the first thing you pick up? Yeah. When someone is angry, calls in. I mean, not necessarily angry at us and not, it may not even involve their question, but you can hear it. It's like they're grating their teeth while they're talking. Melissa?
1:07:10🔗
Caller
My question is about a drug, ecstasy. I've done it in the last four months. I've experimented with it on five different occasions, and I find myself now, I mean, I don't do it anymore, and I don't ever want to again. I find myself having slight anxiety and mood disturbances I've never had before.
1:07:38🔗
Caller
Yeah, enough for where I would notice it, because I'm a really happy person, and I find myself like pissed off sometimes.
1:07:45🔗
Adam
It's a little obnoxious hanging out with you, isn't it? You're being, you know, perky.
1:07:58🔗
Caller
Is there any, my question, is there anything I can do to reverse the effect of what it's already done?
1:08:04🔗
Drew
After five exposures, there's a reasonable probability this will get better by itself, okay?
1:08:13🔗
Drew
Yes, there absolutely are medication that will help with this, but you need to see a psychiatrist who has experience in dealing with the injury from ecstasy. And if it's not really-
1:08:21🔗
Adam
All right. Well, hold on a second, Perky. You're supposed to have some ups and some downs in life. If it's not really- It's all right. You're not thinking about suicide, are you?
1:08:29🔗
Caller
No, it just kind of gets intense and I can feel the anxiety. I can feel it. I just don't like it. You can feel it. I'm not always happy, so-
1:08:39🔗
Caller
I don't know. I find myself like depressed moments. They just like off and on. I mean, I did it on five different occasions. I took like maybe two at a time though, so-
1:08:52🔗
Drew
Not a bad idea to get treated, frankly. If it's a critical period in your life, if it's affecting your productivity, and you're happy.
1:08:58🔗
Adam
Listen, if my mind was going because of taking X, I would just start taking more X and just call the line.
1:09:14🔗
Adam
That's why I got off the runway. Couldn't do too much heroin going. I saw what was going on behind that curtain. I didn't want any part of it.
1:09:26🔗
Adam
I said, no. I can't condone this. I'm going back to carpet cleaning. They said, at least leave your pristine penis. I said, absolutely not. It's coming with me.
1:09:37🔗
Adam
Yeah. It drew after looking at the junk, I could model underpants, right? Have I put like a sock or something in there?
1:09:58🔗
Adam
All right. You know, you catch me at the right angle. I look pretty good in my underpants. Not the baggy ones, not the ones where the legs are loose.
1:10:16🔗
Adam
I have a Spider-Man number that's pretty hot. It's a size three. Pack myself into that.
1:10:23🔗
Adam
Yeah, very tight. That's how the ladies like it. The European ladies, mainly, but some states. Right, Drew? All right. Tara?
1:10:53🔗
Caller
If you don't mind. I was actually wondering how you, like, apply to be on, like, Mission Makeover.
1:11:00🔗
Molly Sims
Um, basically, they took kids from all over Southern California because, like I said, the Beach House is located there, so they actually, um, did, like, a casting and asked people who wanted to have a makeover or whatever they wanted to do, and they auditioned, and basically, when we surprised them with the Mission Makeover, they had no idea we were coming. So, um, just right to MTV, and I don't really...
1:11:28🔗
Adam
Now, listen, she's... Who cares to her, please? She's a model, you understand? She's not some grunt that's pushing, licking envelopes in the back of the MTV building.
1:11:41🔗
Adam
Is there a person in the United States beside us? Yes, two of us. Yes, who's not been to the Beach House?
1:11:52🔗
Adam
Five years on that godforsaken network. We've never been to the Beach House, and we live out here. All right. Hey, Tara?
1:12:03🔗
Molly Sims
I should say, how do I get on Mission Makeover? What? Just ask, how do I get on Mission Makeover?
1:12:20🔗
Caller
Okay. My question actually was, I've only had sex three times, but it seems like every time I do, well, it doesn't seem like it is, because I have itching down there, and it's not exactly like a yeast infection, but that's what it feels like, and then I'm always late on my period, like always, like two months late, and I don't understand why, if it's sex, that's making me do that.
1:12:45🔗
Drew
I think the late business, I don't know what that's about, but the itching kind of concerns me, because that occasionally can be herpes. People don't really recognize it as such, but it can be that.
1:13:13🔗
Adam
Yes. Manatee is something that's a creature that's indigenous to Florida that swims around so it can get run over by drunken Florida guys in boats.
1:13:28🔗
Drew
All right. Vaginitis is another thing to be concerned about sometimes. Again, these things are not a big deal, but you should get this checked out. You are sexually active. It's time to getting regular pap smears. Cervical cancer is an issue in people your age. Let's find out what this is.
1:13:40🔗
Adam
All right. Go to the gynecologist, get yourself checked out, right? Right. Molly Sims is our guest tonight from House of Style. We'll take ourselves a little break. Drew, why don't you have a cup of coffee, brother? You're running out of steam.
1:13:58🔗
Adam
I know. I know. And it's the 100 bucks that left your count that really is killing you.
1:14:10🔗
Adam
Maybe he's a rameen and a rammer. That's right. I may receive. You know what I'm saying?
1:14:15🔗
Adam
Yeah. Maybe my boyfriend has warts. You see what I'm saying? We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back after this.
1:15:02🔗
Adam
It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Molly Sims is our guest tonight from House of Style. You can find her on MTV at 2.30 and 11 o'clock. She's so good, they put her on there twice a day. And also, she'll be doing a little post-wrap-up celebrity interview at the MTV Music Awards, which goes down September 7. You can also find her sitting at the MTV Beach House in our chairs. Never, ever been invited to an MTV Beach House.
1:15:53🔗
Adam
Played in a celebrity baseball game last year at this time at Dodge Stadium. Got into an argument with my manager.
1:15:59🔗
Molly Sims
And you're getting into an argument. I find that difficult to believe. Shocking.
1:16:03🔗
Adam
I've not been asked back this year, even though, ironically enough, my two partners, Drew and, of course, the Emmy award winning Jimmy Kimmel, have both been asked to play. All right. So where are we? We're getting to sports illustrated swimsuit issue. I just saw down there. Was that last year's?
1:16:21🔗
Molly Sims
That was last year. We're just about to start shooting again for this year, for 2001.
1:16:41🔗
Adam
All right. So I saw that. I must have seen you. Hold on. Let me ask my, yes, my pristine penis is yes. I got a big, big nod. We did see you in that. It's an imposter. And you're doing another one this year, right?
1:17:14🔗
Adam
You could shoot it in the back of one of those above ground pools in the back of a trailer park, one of those doughboy pools, and no guy would care.
1:17:25🔗
Drew
Now, you know what? The attractive women in the media, you see how they attract crowds out in the back here and stuff?
1:17:38🔗
Adam
I thought they were here to greet my pristine penis on the way in an offer support, but as it turns out-
1:17:46🔗
Yeah.
1:17:50🔗
Caller
Oh my God. I don't think I have been so interested in a man's block and tackle. You and Dr. Drew duke it out over the fancy moritz on your lightsaber.
1:18:08🔗
Drew
No, because you told me you were going to sue him. Leading up with the woods light and everything there.
1:18:17🔗
Caller
I just want to say congratulations. We look forward to every night out here in Massachusetts. And right now I had to call and find out because this show won't be on until tomorrow night here.
1:18:31🔗
Adam
You had to find out how the penis test turned out. You bet I did. Because you wouldn't find out until tomorrow night.
1:18:49🔗
Adam
Oh, okay. All right. So you do know. I just didn't want to. I thought you might use this to your advantage, gambling with guys at work over my penis.
1:19:07🔗
Drew
This is the first caller in the history of Loveline who wanted to be left on hold for an hour and was.
1:19:15🔗
Adam
Okay. So you have no question. You just want to congratulate me and my penis. You've got it. Thank you.
1:19:25🔗
Oh, hi.
1:19:34🔗
Caller
When I was younger, I was molested by my sister. But she was only three years older than me, so that's still molestation.
1:19:43🔗
Drew
Yeah. Child on child sexual abuse is a very common form of sexual abuse, but it means also typically that an adult got to her.
1:19:59🔗
Caller
I was getting another dose of it from someone else at the same time. Like my mom babysat this kid and he did the same thing to me.
1:20:08🔗
Drew
Well, he did the same thing to your sister too, and that's probably where your sister got going.
1:20:24🔗
Caller
Yeah. Yeah. Around the same age. It's weird because I brought it up because I blocked it out, and I started getting flashbacks. I guess I was kind of neglected too. I was little, and so it's like everything just started coming back to me.
1:20:40🔗
Caller
I asked her about it, and I asked her, did anything happen to you? She said that my cousin had done stuff to her.
1:20:49🔗
Adam
I'm calling in an airstrike, Drew. There you go. To eliminate this entire neighborhood. Listen, when your dad gets out of prison, I want you to kick him in the nuts for me.
1:21:12🔗
Adam
Okay. Janice, you're 14. You sound like you're 28 and a nurse in Vietnam. I mean, it just seems like you've, you sound like you've seen it all.
1:21:23🔗
Adam
All right. So again, we keep getting back to this, but you got to get some therapy now, right?
1:21:28🔗
Caller
Like, what happened is, in, I think, in February and March, my mom tried to put me in a mental situation because my mom has depression bad. And so it's like she stopped taking her medicine. She's just a bitch. And like, then I started, and they, and I would have freak outs because I was on speed too. Like, I used to pop pills a lot.
1:21:52🔗
Adam
All right. So now it's time to take a little control over your life and not turn out like the rest of our callers.
1:21:57🔗
Caller
Yeah, I settle down so much. Like, this woman I met totally saved my life. I went to a counselor.
1:22:06🔗
Caller
It's like I've, I've, I've, I've like blocked off friends. I've lost so many people.
1:22:19🔗
Adam
Here's my problem with friends now. I don't know if they're with me because of me or my pristine penis now.
1:23:05🔗
Adam
You know how you ever see a new car tire still has the little plastic, little nubs on it from the pressing at the factory? That's what my penis has. It still has those little spikes on it.
1:23:21🔗
Adam
How dare you? How dare you attempt to humiliate me in front of a high fashion model? Stacey?
1:23:33🔗
Caller
Me and my boyfriend have been having sex the past two times with a lotion, just a regular lotion like Suave.
1:24:13🔗
Adam
Suave is just a brand that makes knock off cheap versions of shampoo and everything else.
1:24:27🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People defend junior college vehemently. How come I can always tell the people who attend junior college?
1:24:38🔗
Adam
I know because no one else is that dumb. There's no four year university person that's going to put that scented hand lotion up their kazoo.
1:24:49🔗
Caller
Well, yeah. I just I. OK. After like yesterday, actually, I was going to the bathroom and in my underwear there was like a discharge and it was.
1:25:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, you're now your vagina is like a dispenser now. It's going to be coming out for another 10 years.
1:25:08🔗
Drew
There could be there could be old stuff coming out. There could be vaginitis, either a chemical irritant or actually a bacteria that overgrows. Now you upset that environment and bacteria will overgrow that don't belong there. And it's again, time you're sexually active, time to get regular pap smears.
1:25:24🔗
Adam
It is like a that you explain the vagina. It's true. I've learned so much about the vagina over the years. What goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina. Who knows what goes on in the old vagina. That's my vagina theme song. It's like a, it's really like a little ecosystem in there.
1:25:57🔗
Adam
It's why in places, island places like Australia, they don't, they check, they don't want you bringing any fruit into the country or any pets. They quarantine things because they could, some frog could get loose and eat up all the vegetation and really throw off the whole flora and fauna situation over there. And the vagina is no different. And you start introducing things that aren't pristine into that environment. I underline the word pristine. A little yeasty. And you get a little yeasty. That's right. Little yeasty on the pecker. That's going to be the name of my autobiography by the way. He had a little yeasty on the pecker-oo. Thank God Anderson sits there every night. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Molly Sims is our guest tonight from House of Style on Twice a Day on Fabulous MTV. And when we come back, Drew, we will talk to no one. Now, we will talk to Jay. He says sex hurts girlfriend every time. He wants to know what he is doing wrong. I will give him some tips after that.
1:27:44🔗
Adam
All right. Got a little more Loveline to go. That's Dr. Drew over there. I'm Adam, Pristine Penis Carolla. You know how, remember Bob Hope, he used to call himself Bob Texco Hope, back in the 70s when he'd do those crappy specials. I think I'm going to pick up Adam Pristine Penis Carolla. That would be my rap name. Actually, wait a minute, my rap name is Mayonnaise. I can't switch it from that. You have to work this out. Molly Sims is our guest tonight. She hosts House of Style, also Mission Makeover where she goes to the mythical Beach House that MTV claims to set up every year in our backyard, although we've never been there before. You can also find her at the MTV Music Awards on September 7th conducting interviews with some of the big celebrities. Hey, isn't doing interviews, doesn't that suck?
1:28:39🔗
Adam
I really, it's really the only part of this job I don't like is the part where I have to talk to other people about them. You know what I mean?
1:28:49🔗
Adam
I know, I know. I'm trying to work that out. And then I would always be scared to death to do like some red carpet interviews because-
1:28:59🔗
Adam
I would, every single person, and Drew, you do this to, who walked up the red carpet, you go, I know that dude. I know that dude. That's the guy. Hey, hey, hey, hey. He played the wacky neighbor from. You'd never get the guy's name. And I know they must have an earpiece. They have an earpiece. And some spotters and some guy-
1:29:18🔗
Adam
Right. Don't know Chris Klein. I see. That's where I'd be. That's where I'd be in trouble.
1:29:33🔗
Adam
Hey, listen, when we had, who do we have in here? Janine, who am I trying to think of?
1:29:47🔗
Adam
She did the TV show and the radio show twice, I think. Right? Yeah. I went up and introduced myself to her before the third time she did the radio show. Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Adam. Thanks for coming up. I've done both of your shows a bunch of times. Asshole. I know. So I stopped that. Jay?
1:30:05🔗
Yeah.
1:30:07🔗
Caller
Alright. I've had sex with my girlfriend maybe four times and she was a virgin the first time. It hurt her the first time, of course. But the second time and third time she said, she told me it hurt worse than the first time and it's really frustrating because every time she stopped short of, you know, before I can...
1:30:27🔗
Adam
Right. Alright. The reason it hurt more is because it hurt the first time and she's freaked out for the second.
1:30:41🔗
Drew
Yeah. That most commonly is being uptight, frankly, and having spasm of the muscles down there.
1:30:57🔗
Adam
Yes. At summer camp. Yeah. It was a very painful experience. But after I learned to sort of just relax and go with it, no problem.
1:31:28🔗
Adam
Yeah. Just get a big thing of generic shampoo and dump it on your penis. All right. Jay, yeah, she needs to relax. All right. She needs to feel more comfortable. So you just need to slow the whole thing down.
1:31:45🔗
Adam
All right, Jay. Yeah. Now you stick with the oral sex, right? All right. All right. Jesus Christ. I couldn't imagine performing oral sex on a woman when I was that age. I wouldn't know what the hell was going on.
1:32:05🔗
Adam
Hypothetically, yes, although my penis may not be as pristine at the ripe old age of 36 had that been going on when I was in high school. Right, Drew? Yeah. That's right. Shannon?
1:32:30🔗
Caller
My question is that my boyfriend's penis is curved downward. I was just wondering, is that normal? Is it possible to have sex like that?
1:32:45🔗
Drew
Because sometimes scarring from circumcision can pull the penis one direction or another.
1:33:00🔗
Adam
Yeah, he doesn't feel good about himself. If his penis was pristine like mine, it would go up.
1:33:21🔗
Adam
This always adds five minutes to my masturbatory session when I see these animatonical pictures here.
1:33:39🔗
Adam
It goes that way. Yeah, but listen, it's at an angle that way, do we? Yeah. If your penis is going that way, you're going to have a crucifix.
1:33:50🔗
Adam
Wait, this is the front now? Yes, yes. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm no wonder. No wonder I've been having all these problems. Exactly. You don't go in from the belly button there. You're going from the other end? Seriously, tell me, Drew, because you go in from the smelly part? Are you serious? Really? You guys do that?
1:34:55🔗
Adam
Take care of yourself. All right, Drew, I got to bring that movie in for you, that Brooke Shields movie. We got to go to Brooke. We do? Really? Yes. Real fast. Hold on. Let's talk to Molly. I think she thinks I'm cute. You think I'm cute, Molly? I think you're cute. Finally. It's about time. We never get anyone in here who thinks I'm cute. Am I lying, Drew?
1:36:07🔗
Adam
All right. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break and we'll be back after this.
1:36:59🔗
Adam
House of Style, of course, on MTV, 2.30 and 11 o'clock every day. See how beautiful she is for yourself.
1:37:09🔗
Adam
I want to thank Dr. Marcel for bringing in the woods light, the black light, the acid that he was generous enough to give to me so that I could dump it on my own penis.
1:37:19🔗
Adam
I'd like to apologize for Dr. Marcel for calling him a pimp. Thank all of you for tuning in tonight. Thank you. Most importantly, my pristine penis. Now, I'm going to take that $100. I'm going to the border and get myself a filthy Tijuana whore. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.
1:37:45🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.