3:20🔗
Adam
Well, I was a virgin a week ago. And it just scares me. Whenever the guy calls me, I don't want to talk to him and stuff. Before that, I was always kind of afraid. I didn't like kind of afraid of guys in general in a way. But I don't know. I'm just like not, I don't know why I'm afraid.
3:40🔗
Drew
Sammy, I'm not getting anything from you. You had sex for the first time a week ago, right? Yes. Was that a bad experience?
3:56🔗
Adam
No, there's not in that case. But like right after it happened, I threw up. Like I was that nervous.
4:01🔗
Drew
Wow. Well, there can be various forms of social phobia that can be kind of subtle. Sometimes people are just very anxious around people, their own age, anxious around crowds, anxious from people who have the opposite sex. But is there anything we should be concerned about in your past? Anything that would make it impossible for you to have a stable relationship? Or difficult?
4:25🔗
Drew
A lot of people deal with that and still are able to kind of break through and have intimacy of various types. And if you listen to this show, it does sometimes battle chaos in their relationships.
4:35🔗
Drew
All right, Sammy, I think it's just one of those things. Unless you're completely incapacitated, it's not like I'd recommend medication or therapy or anything. Since you're 18, you're trying to negotiate who you are in relationships. God's sake, everybody's anxious at that age about people for the opposite sex. I was a mess. Lisa, 18.
4:53🔗
Adam
Well, I just have a question. I would really like an objective opinion. My husband and I...
5:10🔗
Drew
There's about three different things that sort of struck my ear. First of all, you're 18. How old is your husband?
5:35🔗
Drew
What is it about you? What should I know about you that makes it difficult for you to take care of yourself?
6:24🔗
At school?
6:41🔗
Drew
Presumably, this guy is still teaching. Why not try to intervene or at least build a case so if he's going to harm anybody else, you could be there to maybe sort of begin the process of helping other people. You know what I'm saying?
6:57🔗
Drew
First of all, I think you ought to report that. Secondly, why were you such a good victim? Why already did this guy know he could get away with this and that you were reporting it?
7:19🔗
Adam
Not that I can remember. I guess if I tried to put a bobby pin in a light socket, my mom would slap my hand away.
7:27🔗
Drew
But nobody ever smacked you, grabbed an object, or hit you with anything like that? No. What was the nature of your relationship with your parents?
7:42🔗
Drew
They were psychologists. That's interesting. Very interesting. Were they available to you?
8:18🔗
Drew
Well, listen, the point is you were victimized at 12. Something sort of made you a good victim for this guy because you didn't report him. You thought it was an appropriate choice for you. And it sounds like you've made those sorts of choices in your relationship with men since. Now, you've got a husband who's victimizing you again. He's got his own notions of how to sort of spice up his sex life without any concern for how it's going to affect you. I promise you, I promise you, it's going to have an adverse impact on the intimacy, if there is any, in this relationship with your husband.
8:47🔗
Drew
Well, if you want to preserve it, just don't do this. It's a very bad sign that he's pressuring for this. And by the way, you were 18 or what? How long have you been married?
8:58🔗
Drew
He was 21, you were 17. I mean, already. This guy may not have some of this stuff out of his system yet. He's not ready to give you a husband, perhaps. Or he's just the kind of guy who is going to treat women this way. And you're the kind of person who expects that from men. Let's stop that whole process. It's time. Stop. Stop. Listen, ladies, assert yourself. Women have fantastic instincts for relationships, fantastic instincts for intimacy. Listen to those instincts. Don't read what's in the magazine, what's in Red Book and Cosmo. It's not what's good for you. What's good for you is tuning into what you think that relationship needs, asserting that and making sure that's what guys deliver before you think about what guys are interested in. Because guys are just interested in stuff that can really destabilize relationships, particularly at this age. Mike 17. Mike?
9:50🔗
Drew
Hang on a second. I just wanted to say I'm looking at this relationship chat room at drdrew.com. It's one word, drdrew.com. Nobody's asking any questions and people have an opportunity to come in here and put questions up and I can bring up on the air if they're interested. So take advantage of that. Go ahead, Mike.
10:07🔗
Guest
Okay. Okay. Let's see. There's me and my best friend and we each have a girlfriend and like I don't know what the thing is, but we both sort of want each other's girlfriends and I don't know what to do. We don't know what to do. Yeah, I don't know.
10:34🔗
Drew
And by the way, I'm going to show an amazing restraint. My whole gig is not judging people and feeling sorry if people are prepared to make bad choices, but I'm closing in on being judgmental to you, Mike. How about breaking up with your boyfriend? Your girlfriend, rather.
10:49🔗
Drew
No, your girlfriend. My bigger part. My mistake. But you break up with her, your friend breaks up with his girlfriend, and then you guys date each other's girlfriend.
10:58🔗
Guest
Oh, well, that would be intense, but it's like, I've been with my girlfriend for like six months, and we're sort of like attached to each other.
11:08🔗
Drew
All right, then commit yourself to that relationship. Yeah, you do smoke a little pot, don't you, Mike?
11:35🔗
Drew
Okay, that's what I figured. All right, Mike, come on. Either get with this relationship or, I mean, you swap, you're going to hurt these girls, and you're going to lose your friendship.
11:49🔗
Drew
All right. I'd say lay off the weed. I know Adam loves saying that, but I know it's not realistic. If somebody's addicted to pot, the thing about addiction is you can either stop or you can't. If you can't, you're addicted, and then you need help or you'll switch to something else. So lay off the pot. I'm almost creating a recipe for somebody switching over an alcohol or speed or something else. Got a question in the chat room finally, which is similar to the first call we had tonight, which is a question about being very nervous in front of other people, whether there's medication available for that. And there is some of the serotonin reuptake inhibitors like Paxil have been advocating for that. But I don't know, young people, some of the deal here is struggling with negotiating development, you know? Doing what you're supposed to do in the developmental process, not looking for medication to diminish the experience unless you're paralyzed. Bobbi's 21.
12:42🔗
Adam
Hi, I'm 39 weeks pregnant and I've had high blood pressure since I was 8 months. And I'm taking medication for it.
12:54🔗
Adam
Meclodopa and it seems to work all right, but I wanted to know if there's any risk when I go into labor.
13:12🔗
Drew
Well, it's interesting. That's not bad. Alameda or Alfa-Methyl-Dopa, which is what that is, is an old time medication been used for a long time, used in pregnancy. And yeah, they will be monitoring your blood pressure very carefully. You will be considered a risk pregnancy. And I'm sure they talked to you about eclampsia, preeclampsia, those kinds of things, right?
13:33🔗
Adam
Well, no, I, they've, they've been checking for protein in the urine. And she said, and like, and my blood pressure goes up and down. It's not always high, but it's been high a few times. And with the medication, it's, they're controlling it. Yeah. And I wanted to know, is there a big chance for me to have, to have a cesarean because of my blood pressure?
13:57🔗
Drew
Not being an obstetrician, I can't tell you if they would necessarily, they would necessarily increase the risk of that. I would expect not frankly, because they're so, it's, you know, on top of it, it's so easily controlled usually. So unless this starts running out of control, it doesn't respond to treatment, I would expect not.
14:14🔗
Adam
Okay. And one more question. Okay. And we've got castor oil. And someone's, and a lot of people told me I should take it.
14:31🔗
Adam
Oh, the lady in my Lamaze class, she didn't tell me to take it. She told me not to take it.
14:42🔗
Drew
I don't know that it does much of anything, frankly, but you talk to your opposition, will you?
14:52🔗
Adam
Oh, hi. Oh, I'm sorry. Actually, that's an understatement. It's very awkward. I've been like... I've gone with two guys.
15:05🔗
Drew
Rose, hold on a second. For some reason, you're barely comprehensible. Slow down. Speaking of that phone.
15:15🔗
Adam
Well, my relationship with guys hasn't been too much of anything because I don't feel anything like when we kiss or touch or anything like that. It's just like...
15:35🔗
Adam
No. No. Not that I recall. No. I just thought there's probably something wrong because everyone else around me can talk about it.
15:52🔗
Drew
Anything ever happened to you that you should know about? Any worth stuff happened to you growing up?
16:10🔗
Adam
I mean, yeah. I liked them in the beginning. Yeah. I think they're handsome and whatever. But every time I kiss them, I don't feel anything. It's like I'm supposed to, but I don't.
16:34🔗
Drew
I would think you'd want to get a medical evaluation just to check out to make sure that everything is functioning. But your periods are normal?
16:47🔗
Drew
Well, I can't know, Rose, okay? I can't tell what's going on. But if I were a betting man, I would bet it's that you haven't really connected with the right person yet.
17:02🔗
Adam
It's probably so. I wouldn't know because, I mean, at first I think guys are, you know, I think they're handsome or whatever, but whenever I get into a relationship with them...
17:10🔗
Drew
But maybe handsome, being sort of attracted at a distance and being intimate with somebody can be two different things. And again, guys, you know, women to a varying degree, women are very, very mixed bag. And I understand that they are sometimes not responsive to the way our culture would lead them to believe they should be. That is to say, you know, the way guys are. The way guys are turned on by images and pictures and sort of symbols of sexuality. Guys are into that. Guys respond to that. Almost to that exception. Women may not respond to that. Women may not think that is the thing for them. Or if they do respond to it, it may only go so far. It is much, much, much more about the connection, much more about the relationship. And God bless them for being that way. David, 17. David?
17:59🔗
Guest
Yeah. I had my first pledge on like about a month ago and it was a really good moment. She did it pretty well but I didn't organize them and I was wondering like what's wrong with them.
18:18🔗
Drew
And maybe it was just the anxiety at that moment. But you know most guys, here's another little known fact, most guys, I wouldn't say most men have the right word, a lot of guys, a big percentage will have difficulty function this sort of first time out in the sexual experience. Whether it's with a woman that they were involved with or not, it's very common for there to be some difficulty.
18:38🔗
Guest
Okay. I didn't know if it was like I was masturbating too much. Are you? I don't know how much is too much. Like every day.
18:49🔗
Drew
That's about average. If you have some concern about that, you can always slow down. All right. I got some questions in the chat room here. Problems with boundaries with my girlfriend. I got to ask questions that I can answer easily. This is very interesting. I got to get this thing to scroll up here. I was raped so many times I can't seem to stop putting myself in those situations. I'm Medicaid, I'm bipolar, post-traumatic stress, I'm a servant, I want to stop. You know, that's sort of an overwhelming question. How does somebody who has been victimized their whole life develop a completely different sense of themselves and how do you learn how to regulate an internal world that has been disrupted by other people rather than been developed or structured by having the availability of an empathic other? It's staying in treatment, it's your medication. Let's see here, we've got Greg, Greg is 17. Yes, hi, Dr. Drew.
19:50🔗
Guest
I've got a question about my sperm. Whenever I masturbate sometimes it will come out, it's never perfectly white. It will sometimes be light shade yellow, sometimes it's clear, there's a little bit of back and left, you know, when I was like, yes, in junior high, late junior high, if I wouldn't do it for more than a week, sometimes I would see a little brown in it. I was wondering, you know, what's that all about? Yikes.
20:20🔗
Drew
Brown, that sort of color is usually old blood. And for men to have a certain discoloration, a certain amount is normal. I think you just described it as sort of normal discoloration. I wouldn't worry about it. This is Ed 22, Ed.
20:43🔗
Guest
Yeah, good news, huh? I'm 22 years old and since I've been out, I didn't really, I was 17 when I got locked up. I didn't really had a whole lot of experience dating or anything like that.
20:57🔗
Guest
I beat somebody a little worse than I planned on doing. Well, what I've noticed is since I've been out, I've dated a few times, I had a couple of offers, but it seems like the girls that are attracted to me and the ones that I seem to end up hanging out with or doing anything with, are kind of on the nutty side. It's not exactly what I was looking for.
21:32🔗
Guest
The girls that seem to be attracted to me and the ones that seem to be able to take out and do whatever with, they're not stable emotionally for the most part. I'm really not too sure on what stable would be so much because I don't have any experience with women.
21:52🔗
Drew
So you keep attracting unstable women and you keep responding to them too, right? You go out with them.
22:03🔗
Drew
Alright, this is a pretty complex problem. I'm going to put you on hold for a second. We're going to go on to commercials here. It is Dr. Drew, it is Loveline, the number is 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm here by myself. Adam is out at one of the awards, Academy Awards parties. God bless him. I hope he's having a good time because I love these nights when I'm here by myself just with the callers and then we will burn through a bunch of calls. We'll get back to Ed just after this. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew. Adam is out, and I'm by myself, and it's my favorite word to use. Strangely enough. The number, 1-800-LOVE-191. The facts, 310-854-4455. Thank you for the coffee. Any facts coming in? Danielle's doing a great job tonight, trying to keep up with me with the calls. We actually get food calls when I'm by myself, strangely enough. In the chat room, it's drdrew.com. I'm right now in the relationship chat room, but I'm going to start scanning the other chat rooms. What I'm looking for is questions. Actually, I was able to go through some of the stuff that people have posted during the commercial break. Indeed, there were some interesting questions there. Very simply, somebody asked about what a varicocele is, which is basically a cyst in the test. It feels like a growth in there. They do potentially impact on fertility and can cause pain and symptoms. They're often surgically simply removed. Repressed memories was another question. People sort of asked my opinion on repressed memories. I don't believe in digging repressed memories. I think you can end up with a lot of artifact that way. I think in the process of just sort of properly done connected psychotherapy, the memories that can be tolerable will come up and they'll be processed in that context. Dredging something up through hypnosis or God knows what other means, I think it does much. There's someone named Nina who was talking about feeling abandoned after having left a boyfriend. Her boyfriend left her when he found out she was pregnant and that was sort of, I want to know more about that but it kind of falls under no duh. Ed, 22, Ed.
24:15🔗
Drew
Thank you. That's my hairy ass. He still looks around here though. I actually expect he'll call in if we get a little too carried away with gloating his absence, gloating at his absence.
24:32🔗
Drew
Listen, the deal is you've been out of prison, you were in prison for five years, four years.
24:37🔗
Drew
Right? And you're tracking women you think are unstable. Are you sort of tatted up and pierced up and that kind of stuff?
24:43🔗
Guest
Not at all. Not at all. I dress kind of on the conservative side for some of my age. Hello?
25:05🔗
Guest
Well, it's pretty much, don't worry about anything like that while I'm working, especially bartending. A lot of it seems to be social.
25:15🔗
Guest
Yeah. I mean, I made sure I'm in a totally different area than I was before I got locked up.
25:20🔗
Drew
And how are you sort of feeling about yourself and other people? It really sounds like you have sort of an antisocial streak going there, right? You're really pissed off all the time and No, no, not really.
25:33🔗
Drew
That's what I mean. You probably had difficulty with authority and angry and pissed. Were you, I just had a curiosity, were you sort of manhandled when you were a kid? Oh, yes. People beat you up. Somebody beat you up.
25:48🔗
Guest
Well, I'm an army brat. And, you know, I got smacked around quite a bit when I was younger, you know, until I got a little bit big enough to start throwing back.
26:12🔗
Drew
You know, it's a tough thing to change when you have those sorts of traumas etched into your brain chemistry.
26:20🔗
Guest
Yeah, well, I mean, I'm not a violent person for the most part. I've never hit a girl or anything like that.
26:24🔗
Drew
You have that in you. You have that rage in you, that piece of you that can blow up, I'm sure, and you have to find other ways to channel that but be more importantly to realize that the whole world is not your dad.
26:40🔗
Drew
I'm not your dad. Don't call me sir. Okay. But it seems like I suspect that you still carry some of that with you and that's why you're attracting people that like that kind of antisocial sort of instinct in somebody. Okay. And if you really want to change, you have to change the who you relate to, how you relate to people and your willingness to connect and take in some authority and just change your sense of yourself. But I think you're doing. It sounds like you're really there with it, but it takes time. It's not as though it's going to happen all at once. And interestingly, the more you evolve, the more you're able to do that, the healthier the people are you going to attract and the more successful you're going to be in relationships. This is Melissa, 14, Melissa.
27:18🔗
Adam
Hey, I was reading this article in a magazine that said, like, if your parents haven't given you the sex talk, then you're more likely to sleep around and start having sex at younger ages.
27:28🔗
Drew
I don't know that that's been documented, but I do know that if you haven't established some sort of dialogue with your parents by the time you're 12, you probably aren't going to, and then you're going to start relying on things like MTV and the Cosmopolitan to make sure, help you make choices and nothing could be worse.
28:10🔗
Drew
Why don't you start somewhere with somebody that really cares about you and you can trust and you can really begin a dialogue with. So at least someone is helping you negotiate all this.
28:28🔗
Guest
First I just wanted to tell you, this is so funny, but you know how you guys always say about the people who listen to the show and everything, but like doctors and therapists recommend that we listen to you.
28:48🔗
Guest
I had gone through a program, like a partial program, partial hospitalization program, and one of the counselors, one of the psychologists, actually watches your show on MTV because he thinks so highly of you.
29:05🔗
Drew
Well, you know, aside from the fact that it's a huge endorsement, it means that we're accomplishing what I set out to accomplish, which is really just help people.
29:20🔗
Drew
No, I'm the most grateful guy you ever met. I love doing what I do. And how much better is it to get than being able to serve young people, see a need for change, have some information that can help them, practice your craft in interesting environments, meet interesting people, and just have no other goal than to do good. It just doesn't get better. It's precoculous. All right. It's so funny. I have such a characteristic emotional reaction when I hear his voice. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. He may drive me out, but I don't expect him to. But most importantly, this is the other thing I like about what you're telling me, which is that people that work with young people get it. They know what we're dealing with. They know what's going on with young people and they know what's got to be done. That's what I appreciate, is that people that work with young people supporting us and moving out themselves and using media and using print, using whatever they can to help change the culture that you guys are coming into.
30:11🔗
Guest
Oh yeah. They really do. They really push for it. What else was I going to say? My therapist always recommends it. You've helped me so much. Whenever I go on, I was just being a bad guy, I always think he would say really critical things to me. I'd be like, Dr. Drew would say that's bad. He shouldn't be saying that about me if he cares about me.
30:38🔗
Guest
I will. I have a question though. I kind of did make a boo-boo. I had unprotected thoughts last week with my boyfriend who I just broke up with.
30:48🔗
Guest
I was on the Pell and I wasn't really responsible with it. I forgot to take it and I did go to get the morning after pill which I learned from you. They gave me, I got it actually like 28 hours later.
31:05🔗
Guest
They gave me OVRET, O-V-R-E-T-T. OVRET, yeah. Okay. They gave me 20 pills to take and they told me to take 20 and 12 hours from that.
31:16🔗
Drew
But the thing is, the criticism of using those low-dose leave and address pills is that there's so many, you have to take so many.
31:23🔗
Guest
But the thing is, I know my gynecologist knew I was on some medication but she didn't know the new medication that I was put on and I was wondering if I had anything, like if it interfered with it because I'm on so much. I'm on dep coat and lithium and then I have the n-Selec, Sunwell Buterin and also my phenobarbital.
31:58🔗
Drew
You were thinking about getting on meds or something and I was recommending it and you were out of control, right?
32:05🔗
Guest
Well, for a couple of months, I've been out of control. I was abused when I was a kid and Adam was talking because I was really suicidal thinking about jumping off a dam and Adam went off on that. He's like, they don't kill themselves by jumping off a dam. Then I was on medication and my boyfriend is 29, had the kids and I called him and I said that I didn't want to see the kids but he wanted me to meet him. But yeah, it's going okay.
32:36🔗
Drew
Well, here's what's interesting is it may, and certainly it could interfere with the birth control pill taken properly. It's supposed to be taken, right?
32:46🔗
Drew
Okay. But I've never heard of gynecologists making a big issue of it significantly changing the efficacy of the morning after pill. Okay. In other words, when you're trying to go for 100% and something's going to take it down to 96%, that's a big deal.
33:02🔗
Drew
But when you're shooting for 75% and something takes it down to 68%, people may not make a big deal out of that.
33:09🔗
Drew
And the fact that you took it within 24 hours already puts you up in the 80-90% range anyway.
33:24🔗
Guest
Yeah. Hi. I just found out I have ringworm. Eww. Yeah, really. And I don't wrestle or anything, and I haven't been working out recently.
33:54🔗
Drew
Loacherman. Yeah, that's what I need. Loacherman. If it's inflammatory or itchy, you can get some Cortade and alternate Loacherman and Cortade. It goes away. No big deal. Okay.
34:13🔗
Guest
Okay. And also another thing, when I, when I ejaculate, I don't, it doesn't like spray out. It just oozes out. Is that normal or?
34:40🔗
Guest
You can go now. Okay. I've been seeing this guy that I work with for about two months and he finally decided to break off with me after I found out that he had a girlfriend at home. And I'm wondering if there's a way that I can steal him away from her.
34:58🔗
Drew
That's not a molecule. All right Chris, hold on a second. We got to go to commercial break here. I am going to, actually I'm going to go pee Anderson, but as soon as I get back from that I'm going to sit in front of the computer here and look at the chat room at drdrew.com, drdrew.com. I'm trying to get everybody to distribute over the various chat rooms so we don't all get packed into the relationship chat room. If you have questions, post them up there and I'll try to watch for them. I'll try to check them out and bring them up on the show. So far we've had three or four interesting ones and try to keep them at sort of one or two sentences so I don't have to tell an entire miniseries here on the air and I'll try to get your answers and questions. In the meantime, the number is 1-800-LOVE-191. I haven't seen any faxes yet. I don't know if we're getting them again. I'm here in the chat room watching and it's Love Night. We'll be back with Chris after this. Question in one of the chat rooms. Somebody was given ortho-cycling instead of ortho-tricycling, and the pharmacist told them they would take it for a couple of days, which they can do that before they switch to the tricycling, which is the thing that more normally mimics the triphasic cycling of one's menstrual period, menstrual hormonal cycling. So there you go. We're talking to Chris, it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew Adams away at the Academy Awards. Chris. Hello.
36:24🔗
Drew
I'm good. I'm great, actually. I wish we had sort of Academy Award nights once a week or so. Adam, go ahead and take a break. And I love doing this.
36:41🔗
Guest
Okay. I work for a pretty big company. I started working there in the beginning of January.
36:52🔗
Guest
Yeah. When we started talking, he told me that he was living with his baby's mother for the sake of the kid, and that he was sleeping on the couch. Well, I'll come to find out the only time he slept on the couch is when she was met.
37:08🔗
Drew
Right? And one thing about guys that keep other women, they keep other women. You know what I'm saying? You become the main woman, he still keeps other women.
37:22🔗
Guest
So that's the whole thing I asked him if he had ever done anything before to be up and down. He didn't. I still have my reservations on that.
37:40🔗
Drew
I mean, maybe it's an awful relationship or something, but guys don't cheat the way women do. Women cheat because the relationship sucks. Guys cheat because there's an opportunity and they're either a-holes, they feel they can get away with it, they don't care, or they have their own sort of emotional issues, they're acting out. But the predominant thing is they can't, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything about the relationship, though they're going to lead women to believe the relationship sucks. It probably does. Those are the kinds of guys that can't establish good relationships anyway. What is it with you, Chris, that you can't have a good relationship if you want to be the other woman?
38:19🔗
Drew
Your opening volley with me was, how do I get the guy back? How do I steal this guy away? Which, of course, he'll never leave the other woman.
38:29🔗
Drew
It's not worth it. Of course it's not. He's with that woman and that's where he's going to stay. And he's the cheating guy.
39:22🔗
Guest
I don't know about that. I don't remember a whole lot before seventh grade, so I couldn't honestly tell you.
39:28🔗
Drew
Okay, so you understand how you're set up to, your sense of yourself in relation to men is not a particularly, what's the word I'm looking for, not a particularly kind or easy kind of a position to be in.
39:51🔗
Guest
Well, I was kind of back and forth the whole time. They had like visitation or whatever.
40:04🔗
Guest
Because I decided when I was about 15 that I didn't want to live with him anymore. That I wanted to go live with my mom.
40:33🔗
Drew
Something to do with her dad too. The common pattern is people who are parents of alcoholics can either become an alcoholic addict and marry an alcoholic addict or at least just marry an alcoholic addict. So you expect that history to be this. But anyway, you understand that you have some issues. Why don't you work on working those out instead of trying to seek out romantic relationships and basically recapitulate that old sense of yourself in relation to men?
41:08🔗
Drew
Chris, you have to be very skeptical of men you are attracted to. You are going to be attracted to abusive and or unavailable men, period. That's what you are going to find attractive.
41:21🔗
Drew
Treatment. You have to get some sort of therapy. Seriously. Unless you can, you can try walking. Here is the way you break it. I actually have an excellent recommendation for you. Chris, there is a book called A General Theory of Love out there. Okay, go read it. It's an excellent book and there are several good books out there that might help. Another one will be Codependent No More. Okay, go read these books and see if you can establish some friendships with people who are really unconditionally available for you. If you can go into the sort of romantic marketplace and find guys you are not particularly excited and attracted by but guys that you can connect with and have a relationship with and see if you can hang with that. If you are able to, if you are able to deal with the feelings that come with that then you will grow and things will get better. If you can't then you have to move on. You have to get some help. Shelby, 14.
42:17🔗
Adam
Yes, I was wondering if it is normal if guys, like, okay, I had a little sex with my boyfriend for the first time, like this was me, and I was wondering if it is normal if guys twitched a little bit.
42:56🔗
Drew
It's a good thing if you were 19. It would be a good thing. At 14, I can't understand how it could be a good thing. What does that do, Shelby, if you don't want me to push you, what does that do for you?
43:33🔗
Drew
Please? For me? I'm going to have a hemorrhage. If you can, I'm going to start twitching if you guys keep this up. Hey, a question in the chat room. A guy with a screen name Rollman asks, my father just typically tells me that hemorrhagic pancreatitis, what causes that? Well, pancreatitis can be caused by a lot of things, virus medication, but most typically alcohol. Hemorrhagic pancreatitis, bleeding into the abdomen is a complication of certain kinds of pancreatitis. So there you go. Let's get to Willow, I think.
44:01🔗
Guest
Willow? Hi, yeah, what's up, man? Not much. You hear me? I hear you. Alright, cool. One of my best friends has become a really good friend lately. I mean, he just got out of a relationship, everybody was telling me to get out of it because, I mean, the girl was using him, she has bad news, and he just didn't see it. And finally he saw it. Well, he's going out with this girl he knows, and he knows as well as I do that she has HIV. And I mean, dude's like crazy.
44:41🔗
Guest
He's dating her right now. And I mean, it's inevitable that they're going to, you know.
44:49🔗
Guest
He plans on you, but I don't know if that's enough. And I don't know how to tell him because I just, you know, I just basically told him to get out of the last relationship he was in because she was bad news and everybody was telling him that.
45:01🔗
Guest
Yeah, I know. I mean, I don't want to make it sound like, you know, I'm trying to rock him off and stuff.
45:09🔗
Drew
Well, I always hate the idea that you're going to ask somebody to leave a connected relationship with an HIV patient because they don't have HIV. I mean, I'm not in favor of people abandoning people with HIV. On the other hand, it sounds like this guy will sort of go for an important storm and this one just happens to have HIV and he's just going to keep going for it. He's just completely impulsive and doesn't really get the idea of consequences from his behavior and all you can do is really talk to him about it, really try to get him to wake up a little bit. You know, if he's in a relationship with this woman, it's up to him to sort of maintain that relationship and find the risk reduction measures, but he's still obviously at risk. And if it's just that he's, again, sort of acting out, looking for sex anywhere and this just happens to be his latest conquest, he's not doing anything for himself or her in that case. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. The show is Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew and I'm without Adam tonight. He's at the Academy Awards. We are about to take a break. I will be in the chat room, right now I'm in the Relationships at drdrew.com. I'll try to chat a little bit during the break. Then during the show watch the chat rooms. If you have any questions, you can post them up. I'll try to bring them into the show here. Fact number 310-854-4455. I couldn't be happier to be by myself. I hope you guys are having a good time and we'll be back in just a minute. Hey, it's Loveline, 1-800-L-O-P-E-1-9-1. I was just fooling around in the chat room. Someone asked, do you consider Adam a friend? That's like, yeah, Adam and I are friends. We have a very cordial relationship, but we just have different jobs to do in this environment. And it creates conflict. We're kind of like the sheepdog and the coyote. And if you ever saw the old Warner Brothers cartoon, get along, we're off mic. But man, am I relieved when he's on the phone. And I hope you guys are relieved, too, by the fact that we actually get through a few calls. I get to chat in the chat rooms at dr.drew.com. I'm looking through the window here at Anderson and Danielle. They got smiles. They don't have that grouper face on. They have what Adam's here. And it's good talking to people and getting through the calls. So I love Drew. I love Adam. And we have to take our usual customary 10-second break.
47:19🔗
Guest
This is Loveline on Radio Spatial, Zone 105, KZNR Lakeville, KZNZ Cambridge, KZNZ Eden-Paris.
47:30🔗
Drew
This is Zone 105. It's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew. I'm by myself, Adam. Is that the Academy Awards? And I'm using multiple medias here to interact with you guys. I've been fooling around the chat room with Dr. drew.com. I got a question about normal size for a 14-year-old male, incredibly variable, 1 inch to 6 inch, extremely variable. It depends on how far along people are in their puberty. Important message is to know is that all of you are going to continue until you're 21. So just don't stress. I got a fact from a guy named Paul who's thinking about taking a decade of Durantibol and all this incredibly dangerous anabolic and androgenic steroid. The NIDA, National Institute of Drug Abuse and the NIH, National Institutes of Health, got to go on a major campaign. In fact, they're going to film something tomorrow to help educate young people about how goddamn dangerous this stuff is, how common this abuse of steroids is. It ain't worth it. I'm telling you, your sperm production goes down. Sometimes, your erectile function goes away for good. Liver disease, kidney disease, stroke, heart attack, depression, suicide, manic, extreme aggression. I've seen so many consequences from the use of these steroids. I can't even tell you. So let's think about our health and think about the consequences of doing things that are not good for our health. Liv, 31.
49:06🔗
Adam
My question is, I take lithium and I drink volumes of water a day. When I have sex, I make puddles and the sheets get all wet.
49:35🔗
Drew
I bet it's just female ejaculation. It's a good thing. Guys are happy when they get women to do that.
49:40🔗
Drew
Okay. Don't be embarrassed. It probably doesn't have anything to do with your medication. Bobby, 19.
49:48🔗
Adam
My question is I kind of am afraid of being abandoned. My fiance died in October. Now we have two children together.
50:10🔗
Adam
No. The thing of it is, is that one of my children isn't biologically his, but he raised him. His father was a heroin addict and I knew it.
51:00🔗
Drew
It just has to be. You don't form relationships with people that are that far into that disease unless you've been engaged with somebody who is an alcoholic or an addict since early childhood.
51:12🔗
Adam
See, my fiance had passed away. I had knew him from way back in my childhood. He was like, you know, your first boyfriend-girlfriend relationship thing. He was it. And then we broke up. And I moved on and I got with my oldest son's father and I was with him for a long time. And when we broke up, me and Robbie got back together. And Robbie knew that if I had ever found out about it, like I could tolerate weed, I could tolerate that. And I could tolerate-
51:43🔗
Drew
Robbie, you're missing everything. I'm sorry. You're getting all kinds of fragmented issues here. The deal is you've been engaged with an alcoholic your entire life. You are the person, your sense of yourself is the person who is relating to an intimate with an alcoholic addict. You go for those kinds of people. They go for you. You're two for two. You're going to keep doing that unless you make some real serious change. The only way that's going to happen, I swear to God, is if you work a program of recovery in Al-Anon or do some therapy. But Al-Anon is free, be very effective. You're going to keep attracting addicts and you're going to keep being attracted to addicts unless something changes in you, because that's now who you are. Right.
52:25🔗
Drew
I know you don't care about that. But if your life is going to change, that's the only way it's going to change. No, I really do care because I understand that if it doesn't change for me, then it's not going to change for my children either. There's a good chance that when your kids will be alcoholic, they'll have the gene anyway.
52:48🔗
Drew
She's an alcoholic. That's where this came from. God is my witness. Please do something about this. All right, go ahead.
53:07🔗
Adam
I am in total fear. I am so beyond fear when that subject comes up. It's like when I'm with somebody, I feel like I kind of smother them in a sense.
53:29🔗
Drew
Listen, it's not as swear to God, Bobby. You must hear these words and this must get through to you somehow. None of this is going to change unless you make change, unless you do something.
53:41🔗
Drew
You can change your person. That's the only thing you can change. If you engage in a program of recovery, you will have people available for you unconditionally. The problem is you may make some bad choices in sponsors. Make sure it's somebody who has been in SOTA for at least 15 years and who ain't going anywhere.
54:05🔗
Drew
What do you mean you're only 19? You have nothing but your life ahead of you and if you don't make some change.
54:27🔗
Drew
Of course. Abandoned you with drugs, abandoned you actually physically like your dad. Right. Your whole sense of yourself is stunted by that. Until you engage in intimate relationships with people who are genuinely available, which is what 12-Step is all about, this piece of you is not going to grow and that stunted piece is going to keep looking for fixes and these people who are also looking for fixes themselves but in rather different kinds of fixes. Looking for heroin fixes and you, of course, create relationships with people who are either abandoning you by drugs, abandoning you physically or abandoning you by dying. This ain't going to change. Please. Your whole life does not have to be lived out like this. I understand people. Why we can't all sort of acknowledge what's going on, how human work is. Bobby is suffering from something incredibly human. Bobby's not a bad person. We should all feel sorry for Bobby that she has to make these choices. She has to be doomed to acting out the sort of vestiges of her upbringing rather than going, you know, taking direction and doing things that can make real change for her.
55:35🔗
Guest
Hi. For a sleep ache for years, I had the insomnia problem, and I just recently started taking Thorazine. Yeah?
55:51🔗
Guest
Yeah, because that's why I had been using it. The first couple of times I used it, I just wake up in the morning and I didn't feel tired like I do every morning all the time.
56:06🔗
Drew
Well, you need a diagnosis first. Thorazine is not a sleep medication. So, nathorazine has the potential of causing all kinds of interesting problems like Parkinson's and something called tardic dyskinesia which are repetitive abnormal movements of the mouth, lips and face. So you better be taking that for a specific reason other than a sleep disturbance because that is not what it is created for. So now, 19.
56:30🔗
Adam
Yeah, my big toe has been numb for like the past three days and it's not actually the whole toe. It's like the upper right part of it and I was wondering.
57:27🔗
Guest
Because of you, I convinced my friend to take the morning after pill, which I never would have known about.
57:32🔗
Drew
You warm my heart with that one. I get so excited. I get choked up. Thank you. As I look around for ways to make a difference, here I have this thing, this microphone at my disposal. What kinds of recommendations or changes in behavior can really make a difference? Man, that's one. It really is.
58:02🔗
Guest
My question is, I have a bunch of guy friends and stuff, but none of them seem to be any more interested than just friends, except for the handful of them that want to be friends with benefits. But nobody ever seems to like me as more than a friend.
58:20🔗
Drew
What is that all about? Is that maybe, are you maybe misinterpreting? Maybe they want to have a relationship?
58:27🔗
Guest
No, because they pretty much have said that they're not interested in me like that. They just want to be friends.
58:36🔗
Drew
Well, how are you sort of, you know, are you presenting yourself a certain way? In other words, do you go out, do you date, do you sort of...
58:44🔗
Drew
What about doing that? What about finding guys that are more interested in relationships?
58:50🔗
Guest
It's just like I'll meet somebody like through work or at school. I'll just meet new people, start like talking to them and stuff, but they just never seem any more interested in friends.
59:04🔗
Guest
No. It's like we go out, but it just feels like kind of friends and nothing ever happened.
59:12🔗
Drew
You sound really great. I mean, can you give me a hint as to what might keep you stuck in friend-ville?
59:17🔗
Drew
It's easy with guys. Guys get stuck in friend-ville all the time, but women don't have to do that usually.
59:25🔗
Drew
Nothing. There's no hint you can give. There's nothing about you that might. The guys are obviously trying to do sexually because they want to have sex with you, but they want to be your friend.
59:33🔗
Guest
Yeah, basically. If I had any idea as to why, I could maybe try and figure it, but I have no idea.
59:43🔗
Guest
They're just as confused and they swear that some people like me when I know they don't.
59:51🔗
Guest
Well, they swear with this one guy specifically that he likes me, but he doesn't because he has a girlfriend and he's chasing another girl at the same time.
1:00:08🔗
Guest
Yes. To quote Adam, he's a douche novel. But other than that, I mean, they're pretty much just as confused as I am about it.
1:00:19🔗
Drew
I'm not seeming to be very much help because I can't help with anything unless there's something you can tell me. Do you ever worry about the kinds of choices you make, the sort of way you socialize? There's got to be something about the way you go about your socializing.
1:00:34🔗
Guest
I mean, I don't go out every weekend and I don't go get trashed every weekend. I'm, you know, let's just go hang out, go play mini golf or let's go do a movie or go get coffee.
1:00:49🔗
Drew
You know what, I think I'm unfortunately not much help to you. I think you have to rely on your female friends and I hope you have good friends who can give you sort of an objective. You have to sit them down. Maybe there's something difficult to hear or difficult for them to say that they're not telling you and I don't know what that would be but you've got to sit them down and say, look, you have to help me. I'm looking to make change. Where do I have an opportunity to do it? Where is there room for improvement for me? Mike, 43.
1:01:31🔗
Drew
Long acting... .I'm taking off of the drug for a year and a half. Long acting oral opiate. You have to be treated, Mike. There is no way around it. Opiates basically throw a switch in somebody if you have that switch to be thrown which undoubtedly you do. It ain't going to go away. When you come off drugs it is going to be extremely unpleasant, not just the detox process which by the way I don't take people off hydrocodone or oxycodone outside of a hospital because it never works in my experience. Do not get a methadone whatever you do. It is a nightmare and you will get addicted to methadone. You can try a 21 day or 14 day detox on methadone if you want but I have yet to see somebody actually successfully conclude that and you have to get treated. You have to because the state that you are left in after you come off the opiates is extremely unpleasant after the withdrawal is over there are drives left over and there is a sense of emptiness and loss that is profound and really contributes to the probability of relapsing and the way your brain will work the kind of thinking that will go on will be distorted and you will need some kind of treatment in order to prevent that from leading to going back to the drug of choice. Check out Narcotics Anonymous if there are any local hospitals nearby. You want a physician who is board certified in addiction medicine by the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Dayon, 22.
1:02:51🔗
Guest
Hi, how are you doing? Good. What I have got is a bit of a social problem. I consider myself a really sociable person. I am a university student and I have to be around people all the time. I think that is leading to my question is when I am not around people, like I was at an Oscar party tonight, I am a student filmmaker and I had a great time while I was there and as soon as everybody leaves and as soon as I leave and I am on my own again, I get incredibly depressed.
1:03:24🔗
Drew
That is why people keep other people around or compulsively keep other people around is to avoid feeling. To avoid feeling. That is why people use drugs, that is why people have sex, that is why people do a lot of things and they have feelings that they don't want to have or they can't handle. Boredom is a great way to avoid feelings. If you are bored, it makes you go do something before you have a feeling.
1:03:45🔗
Guest
I am always doing something. I am a workaholic. I live alone. I just got out of a pretty bad relationship, but I know I am going to jump into another relationship before I am actually ready for one.
1:04:04🔗
Guest
When I was younger, when I was still in high school, I was in a little bit of therapy and I was on lithium, things like that.
1:04:23🔗
Drew
Why don't you get some treatment? Why do you talk to me miserable? It's one thing if you just feel a little blue or you're just dealing with the negotiations of development in life, but you have a diagnosable condition. You've been on lithium. Yes. Hey, you're making a mistake not to be treated. It will affect your ability to be productive. It will affect your choices.
1:04:42🔗
Guest
See, that's the thing. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I'm high. I don't do drugs or anything. I hardly drink, but I'm always high on life. I'm a very nice person to be around.
1:04:51🔗
Drew
You may be manic half the time and then you crash down into depression and you may cycle rapidly. Look, you've got to get treated. Damn, why be miserable?
1:04:59🔗
Guest
Well, that's the thing. Most of the time, I'm not miserable and most of the time, I manage.
1:05:03🔗
Drew
You told me you always have to be with other people. If I'm not always doing something, all these other people are miserable.
1:05:11🔗
Drew
Let's get on with it. Let's get back into treatment. It may not even be therapy. It may just be something to stabilize the biology. Sarah, 19.
1:05:23🔗
Adam
Hi. Okay. I just want to say it's great with you just there answering everybody's questions. You get through them a lot faster. Thank you.
1:05:31🔗
Guest
But okay, I've known this guy for two years, and we dated at the beginning like when we first started knowing each other, and then it just kind of went as friends, and so I'm just recently the past three months, we started talking again and hanging out, and we slept together like five times over the past three months, and when he hangs out with me and my friends, it's fine, and when we hang out together alone, he's fine, but every so often we'll hang out with a bunch of his friends, and he's totally distant, and I don't know what to do.
1:06:28🔗
Drew
I get the distinction that he's covered for something. Maybe it's just that he doesn't want to... He doesn't really like you, and he just doesn't want to... Seem like he's dating you for some reason. God knows what it would be to let his friends in on the fact that he is. Or he's hiding something. And I get the feeling he's hiding something.
1:06:50🔗
Guest
I can hang out with him and some of his friends that I know really good, and they know something's going on between us. But it's like if we hang out with a big group of some people that I don't know, it's like that's when you start acting distant.
1:07:03🔗
Drew
But that's fine. His close friends may be protecting him, and they may know what he's up to.
1:07:16🔗
Drew
Well, maybe not. Anderson said something in my head, one that was interesting, he said, maybe it's just like Greece, where he has a certain image to maintain, whatever that image is, and you're not consistent with that. Whatever it is, whether it's just that he doesn't want the guys to think that he's been taken away by a woman, or maybe you're of a different sort of, I don't know, some different style than he is, and it would make him feel uncomfortable, whatever it is. You don't seem like movie Grease or the play Grease? Maybe, do you think he would be something like that?
1:07:41🔗
Guest
No, not really. I mean, like, we're into the same things and, like, it's nothing like he's total, like, opposite.
1:07:47🔗
Drew
Well, it's something, and I get the real sense that he's hiding something. I can't tell you exactly why, but it just sounds very suspicious, sneaky. It sounds sneaky. It sounds more than usual, because usually when people are uncomfortable around somebody, maybe that's why I'm thinking this way. When somebody doesn't really want, isn't really comfortable being in a relationship with somebody else, whenever they're out in public, they're distant. When they're around everybody's friends, they feel kind of awkward. But when they're specifically okay around certain people, people that they're closest to and maybe know what he's up to, and when the group gets bigger and he's out of control, then all of a sudden, he has to pretend he's not dating. It's suspicious. Loveline, I'm Dr. Drew. Adam is out at the Academy Awards. The number is 1-800-LLV-E-191. I gotta pee again, so I'll be doing math, and then I'll come back and sit in the chat rooms at drrew.com, drdrew.com. I'm looking for questions here for you guys to bring up on the air. I haven't really seen a lot. Here's one. Okay, sometimes when I have sex, one of my testicles disappears into my stomach. That is a common thing. That is when they're, particularly around the time of ejaculation, there's a cremasteric response that pulls the testicle from the inguinal canal. It will come back down. It doesn't hurt anything, so don't worry about it. We'll be back with more calls after this. We have Dr. Drew Loveline. Adam is away, smoozing, choosing with the stars at the Academy Awards, and I'm having the time of my life here with you guys. I hope it's a cool hangout, and we got a short few calls here. It's good. It breaks the sort of log jam we have with my illustrious partners with us. So we were talking to, we were talking to anybody actually. I was in the chat rooms chatting with people, and some of the rooms are kind of out of control. It's drdrewoneword.com, and I'm in the relationship chat room. I'm about to get there anyway. Just a second. In the meantime, let's go to Brittany, 13th. Brittany.
1:09:51🔗
Adam
I was wondering exactly how could I deal with that, because it's like really bothering me lately.
1:10:07🔗
Drew
So you're not really involved. He's not involved in your life in any way. Do you have any older siblings or anybody that you can get in touch with to help you out?
1:10:18🔗
Drew
Yeah. So that's no good. How about at school? Are there any teachers or anything you can talk to?
1:10:26🔗
Adam
Well, not really because it's kind of embarrassing to talk about that kind of stuff with teachers and stuff.
1:10:32🔗
Drew
Well, not really. It's a common thing. I would think they'd be available to help you. If you can't make a contact with some adult, you really got the only other option unless you have a doctor you can talk to is to go to Alateen.
1:10:45🔗
Drew
It's a place where kids your age, people 12 to 20, with alcoholic parents get together and support each other and help each other deal with having alcoholic parents.
1:11:16🔗
Adam
I just have a question to ask you. I just got into bodybuilding. I'm taking a creatine supplement, ATP, and I've been taking it every other day, and then they had a loading process, and ever since then, I've been having really, really bad breakouts.
1:11:39🔗
Drew
I don't know of creatine doing that. That's not something I'm familiar with. But working out more can cause an acne breakout.
1:11:48🔗
Drew
Creatine shouldn't really do that much. But yeah, it can have something to do with that or it can do the way you're sweating or the, you know, putting your, people get these acne around the chin strap from the football helmet or the helmet can cause an acne outbreak. So it may be more to do with the breaking out from the creatine. Though I don't think people should be taking supplements, particularly you, where I don't think it's a healthy thing to do necessarily. Lisa, 22. Lisa?
1:12:13🔗
Guest
I've been feeling kind of physically under the weather in the past week or so and the past few days I've just been getting hot out of nowhere and I've had to go to bathroom constantly and I've been kind of bloated and I, today I couldn't eat. Like I would start, I tried to eat something and I felt nauseous and I felt sick all day and I was talking to a girl.
1:12:59🔗
Drew
Lisa, let's just use common sense for a second. Do you have any idea what the symptoms of pregnancy are?
1:13:04🔗
Guest
Do you have anybody who ever talked to you about pregnancy? The only thing I only know about is morning sickness. I'm just feeling nauseous and that's the only thing.
1:13:13🔗
Drew
Just about anything under the sun. You can feel just about anything under the sun when you're pregnant. Fatigue, drowsiness, just you name it, you can feel it. But if you're only two weeks pregnant, is that worth saying here, you'll only be two weeks pregnant?
1:13:33🔗
Drew
Not likely. But a bladder infection can be fatigue, bloating, chills, everything you're talking about. So get that checked out, okay?
1:13:46🔗
Adam
Hi, Dr. Drew. We've been kind of on a journey. We've been on a journey together. We've been kind of on and off this whole entire time I was with him. I got pregnant. I had a little boy five months ago.
1:14:08🔗
Adam
Since I was 13. It's been about ten years. He's been actually the only one I've ever been with. Well, when we're together, we're so abusive towards each other. We get into these fights and they turn into, I mean, we get into arguments, they turn into physical fights and we were verbally abusive.
1:15:00🔗
Adam
I pay everything here. Anyhow, it's so weird because when he's not with me, I need him to be with me. And he smokes a lot of weed. He has really bad mood swings. I think that's why, because of the marijuana. And my father was an alcoholic, a really bad alcoholic.
1:15:29🔗
Adam
Actually, my father was verbally abusive. He never hit us. He never touched my mom. He was just always putting us down. You know, a few days I was his. I was biologically his, a few days I wasn't. And I was always trying to, you know, gain his. I always wanted him to like me and he always favored my sister. And I'm thinking, you know, does that have something to do with it? And it's hard to be.
1:15:59🔗
Adam
Yeah, and then when we're not together, like we've been separated for months and, you know, I'll go out with other people and really nice guys with good jobs, you know, that treat me really well.
1:16:16🔗
Drew
You're addicted to them. You've got to have this guy, which is basically a recreation of that I want dad to like me scenario. You've lived with your whole life. There it is. And the guys you're attracted to are going to be just like this guy.
1:16:29🔗
Adam
I want to get rid. I don't want this because when we're together, it's like, I hate you. I don't want to be with you. And then it's, I want to get over this. And it's impossible. It seems impossible.
1:16:42🔗
Drew
It's impossible in this relationship. Ain't going to happen because he isn't going to change. He's an addict. He's what he is. He's not going to change. So, if you want to get stuck in this ferris wheel that you're on, be my guest. But if you want to change, I've talked to a lot of people like you tonight where there is potential.
1:17:00🔗
Adam
I don't want to change so bad. I mean not just for me and for my son because now I've got him involved. He's here.
1:17:21🔗
Adam
You know and it's just these guys are perfect that I meet. I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with them but it's just the next like we'll be talking for days and all of a sudden I want nothing to do with the new person that I met.
1:17:36🔗
Drew
Yeah they don't attract you. They don't create that sense of yourself that need to be the little girl in relation to the abusive alcoholic dad who's not available. That you have to bring them around to make them love you once and for all. There's a compulsion that's got to stop. Your sense of yourself must change. You have to grow past that stuck piece.
1:17:59🔗
Drew
Well, you can do it, I've said it a couple of times tonight to people. You can go to Al-Anon and get a sponsor and work the program diligently for many months in your case or you can get a therapist.
1:18:12🔗
Adam
That's so expensive. I've always thought of going to see someone but I think I don't need to see someone. I can get over this on my own. I just need to have something to do with it.
1:18:22🔗
Drew
Well, the only way that you even have a remote potential, which I don't think you have much of one based on what you're telling me, is by getting one of these perfect guys and getting in a relationship and hanging out and seeing what feelings come up. Staying in that relationship.
1:18:42🔗
Drew
Yeah, but I'm saying when you want to have nothing to do with them, hang in. Contain that. Stay with it. See what kind of feelings come up as you stay with a relationship with somebody who's actually available for you. Yeah. It will be horrifying. You'll act out in all kinds of ways again. Somebody will push them away probably. And if indeed you do that, you have to get treatment because it ain't going to change otherwise.
1:19:05🔗
Adam
And it's so weird because when he's not around, I feel so depressed and I'm like, gosh, we can work things out.
1:19:14🔗
Adam
We should change. He can change. And I feel like, and all my friends tell me, you're such a nice person. I only act like an animal with him and I hate it because.
1:19:25🔗
Drew
I know we're going with this, Ann. It ain't going to change. He's not going to change. He's not going to change.
1:19:31🔗
Adam
And also, does the marijuana have a lot to do? Because he is so moody. I mean, he'll be.
1:19:37🔗
Drew
Absolutely. People that smoke tons of pot get profoundly depressed. And it takes several years sometimes for that depression to come on. Boy, watch out if he stops. The depression becomes very serious. There's actually a substantial incidence of suicidal depression in the first six months of marijuana abstinence, and people are really on it like this. And please, people, do not let's get into arguments on whether this drug is addictive or not. It is profoundly addictive for a small subset of people, primarily alcoholics. I have to treat them every goddamn day of my life, and it is a serious condition. And when it gets going, most marijuana addicts, before they come to treatment, have switched to speeder alcohol because the marijuana stops working, they get depressed, they increase the dose of marijuana, they get more depressed. And if you're an addict used to using substances as a way of managing your emotional world, of course, you're going to switch to something else. Don't let it get that far. Go get treatment. Check out MA. Do something. Recognize that this thing can be quite serious for a small subset of people. Not for everybody. For everybody else, something they want to use occasionally. No big deal. Not a big deal. No more than alcohol, except for being illegal. It's Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew, 1-800-LOVE-191, the drdrew.com chat room. We're kind of breaking down. There are people sort of repeating themselves and being retards. I want to look around the various other rooms within drdrew.com and see if I can find somebody with a functioning neuron and get some questions for the show. We'll be back in a second. Hey, it's Loveline, Dr. Drew here, Adam with the Academy Awards. Pretty good shirt and all. Do you like it, Anderson? No, I don't like it. I like American beauty, and I really like Kevin Spacey, so I was glad to see that going. I still haven't yet seen Center House Rules, but I intend to. And so it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Got some interesting facts here. Got some, finally some rational questions on the chat rooms at drdrew.com. A woman is asking about, she apparently has some confusion about multiple orgasms. Her question is, have you ever heard of a woman having more than a few orgasms? Some women can have hundreds in a sexual encounter, and it's because of a lack of refractoriness. They just go to plateau climax and go back up again. And for some women, it's not a big deal to go over and over and over again until they're just fatigued. For some women, multiple means five times, for some it means fifty times, for some it means twice. And for some it's just one like males. Males really are just a one timer. To go back to the phones, it's Michael 19.
1:22:13🔗
Drew
What's therapy so far on a male? Well, it can look like blisters, or it can look like kind of a streak, like a red streak. What, do you mean like up in your pubic hair? Could be, could be.
1:22:29🔗
Drew
Not typically. Are these small little, little white hard things on top of a red base? Yeah, real tiny. Real tiny? That's probably molluscum contegiosum. That's typically in the pubic area. It's these little sort of, almost look like zits, except the top, if you peel them off, these little hard balls kind of shell out, and that's molluscum contegiosum. It could shell the dermatologist, which shell all those little guys out, and the thing tends to go away. It's a virus. And it's a sexually transmitted disease. Kat, 18.
1:23:00🔗
Adam
Yeah. I had this problem where I had a boyfriend for like a month, and we'd break up. And I followed your advice because, you know, I was abused and all that, and I found a guy that I wasn't attracted to at first.
1:23:22🔗
Adam
Mentally, yeah, my mom's an addict, my dad's an addict, my stepdad's an addict. I was raised around speed. And so I followed your advice and found somebody I wasn't that attracted to, and I've known him since July. And I got attracted, I was starting to be attracted to him after a while, just got to know him real well. And now we've been seeing each other for two months. I'm afraid that it's going to end up like all my other relationships and-
1:24:00🔗
Adam
I, I don't know. It's just like guys just can't be, can't stand being around me for very long or something. I don't know.
1:24:17🔗
Adam
I don't get chaotic, no. I'm a normal person. I mean, I'm actually quite very normal considering what's gone on in my life, but it's just, you know.
1:24:59🔗
Drew
And there's a pattern here about you, and there's certainly plenty of pasture to create difficulty in relationships. So you probably bet that it was about you.
1:25:38🔗
Drew
Okay. Well, let's face it, 18-year-old relationships do not last a lifetime, typically. So the probability is you're going to end this relationship at some point, but that doesn't mean you should hold back from getting involved. You've been so abandoned so badly and so abused that that prospect of connecting and disconnecting has been so painful, that you don't want to go there.
1:26:05🔗
Drew
It may be unrealistic to get to that point that you can do this on your own without some real help.
1:26:16🔗
Guest
I want to let you know, man, I like the way you run that show, but I got an ad in the defense. He's pretty damn funny, too, man.
1:26:27🔗
Guest
I just started Effexor and Adderall. Yeah. Lately, I've been having some crazy dizziness and some bad head throbbing and I also have this chronic sleeping thing where I can't get less than 12 hours of sleep a night. I had to drop all my classes. I work a night job, which is cool, but it's just screwing my life up.
1:27:04🔗
Guest
Well, I used to do not a lot of drugs, but I used to smoke a lot of weed, I used to drink a lot, and I quit everything. I did some hard drugs back in high school, but nothing within the last three or four years. I don't drink that much anymore. I don't smoke weed anymore.
1:27:18🔗
Guest
It seems like from listening to your show, you have a lot of information on the medications. Would any of those medications be causing this?
1:27:28🔗
Guest
The dizziness and the head throbbing, it's really bothering me. I have that more than anything.
1:27:32🔗
Drew
It's Effexor, Adderall, and what's the other one? Zephyr coat. Zephyr coat. Well, it's a pretty interesting combination. Effexor and Adderall, I would think together could cause all kinds of funny symptoms like headaches and dizziness, and God knows what. Have they reduced your Effexor dose lately?
1:27:47🔗
Guest
No, I just started. So this was the trial period, but I can't go getting 12 hours sleep every night.
1:27:59🔗
Drew
So Depco is not the problem, right? No. Which I wouldn't expect if it gets more stable. But there must be something about that combination of Effexor and Adderall. Adderall doesn't typically make people drowsy. Okay. So it's a stimulus. Although with Effexor God only knows what that interaction could cause. So I would be thinking more in terms of the Effexor and the Selexa did not make you drowsy?
1:28:22🔗
Guest
Tell me about this. I'm going to see an herbal doctor on Wednesday because I'm just trying to get any help I can get right now. Do you think that might have any kind of help whatsoever?
1:28:35🔗
Drew
And these herbs can really change the way your medications are metabolized. You must tell your psychiatrist that you're doing this.
1:28:43🔗
Drew
And they may have to check the levels to be sure that they're okay. But you're not on appropriate combination of medicines because you're having intolerable side effects. You need to go back to the doctor at prescribing it and work on it until you find a combo that works. Angela, 20.
1:29:02🔗
Adam
My problem is that I basically break, well, not necessarily break up, but I cheat on guys that are perfect. I go and I find these guys and I date them. In every way that I can imagine that they're perfect guys and girls, they are out there. But I don't understand why I turn around and I don't break up with them. I go and see other guys behind their backs.
1:29:31🔗
Adam
Well, really, I mean, in the Perfect Girls, I could blame everything on my mother. She's on husband number four.
1:29:43🔗
Drew
She had the same pattern. Shocking. Amazing. A daughter sharing out the same pattern as mom. Never happened before.
1:29:52🔗
Guest
But she broke out of it. She is now with this husband that I would never imagine her with, but that's okay.
1:30:01🔗
Adam
She's been with him for several years now and doing fine. But I'm wondering how can I break the cycle? Because I know that's not healthy.
1:30:20🔗
Adam
Go ahead. Well, my parents obviously split up when I was, I'd say about eight. I lived with her and not with my dad, but I had a very good relationship with my father. But with her, it was really bad. She started seeing someone almost immediately and married them within a year. He didn't get along with me at all and that really caused relationships with the two of them. I'd say two years after their marriage, they split up and my mom was really, basically, she neglected me. She didn't, it's not necessarily that she wanted to have anything to do with me.
1:31:06🔗
Adam
Well, yeah, it just, after things got, after a while, I moved in with my dad and she really resented that from, and she was like, for like a year and a half, she didn't even talk to me or she would, we always fought and we fought so long.
1:31:23🔗
Drew
So, based on all these old patterns, these old concepts, you're not going to be able to talk to her. Is that right?
1:31:29🔗
Drew
So, you can't talk to her to see how she broke out of this. So, you have to figure out a way to break out of yourself. Why you have to act like mom, be like mom, reject guys, why being connected with guys in a truly intimate way and being available for a real relationship is too painful for you. It's very simple to say, but a very complex and very serious issue. Okay. If you can, I've given this advice out several times tonight, if you cannot hang in with the relationship and see what feelings are evoked, but hang in anyway, you can't do that. And you've got some serious problems here. Get some serious stuff with being available for intimacy. And the only kinds of people you're going to be available for are those that are not available for you. Try to make available just the way you tried to make dad available. And you're doing that by becoming mom. And that ain't going to work. Okay. It's not going to work. You can either get treatment or you can keep doing this. There's really unfortunate we're out of time here, but there's no sort of easy way out of this. And or you can see how you do by trying to act accordingly appropriately in a relationship with someone who's really available. Keep close relationship with your friend when you try to do that. Sometimes friends can help you sort of shore up the emotional consequences of staying in a relationship. We got to take a break. Well, another show in the can. Dr. Drew, I want to thank Adam for not being here tonight, and I want to thank all of you for joining me. I think we got through some interesting calls, and more than the average number, I'd say, without my illustrious partner here. Come on out, it is Goldfinger. Adam will be back, I'll be here. Goldfinger, good guys, friends of the show, we look forward to seeing them. So in the meantime, this is Dr. Drew on behalf of Adam Corolla saying mahalo. Ha ha. Well now.