0:51🔗
I had some technical problems.
0:56🔗
KROQFM, Pasadena, Los Angeles.
1:02🔗
Voiceover
Yeah, it's Loveline. A Madam Carolla that is Dr. Drew over there. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. And tonight, our guest is one of our favorites on a very long list of favors. David Alan Grier is here tonight.
1:34🔗
Drew
You know the deal with Adam is somebody is like at least a bit sensitive or vulnerable, he's got to go at it.
1:39🔗
No. Yes.
1:43🔗
David Alan Grier
I'm here with a purpose. You know, a lot of times, Dr. Drew and I would gang up on you.
1:51🔗
How dare you?
1:52🔗
David Alan Grier
No, how dare you? Physician, heal thyself. Now, Adam and I talked in the parking lot. We're going to have a lot of your family members coming in here. I think you're addicted to work, my friend. Hold on. I think you're right. Hold on. That is a... You're right.
2:07🔗
Yeah, yeah.
2:14🔗
David Alan Grier
It's true. He has triplets. They call him uncle daddy. Because they never see the man.
2:27🔗
David Alan Grier
Please tell my therapist the following points I'd like to bring up in therapy this week.
2:38🔗
David Alan Grier
Dr. Drew, that's damaging. What are we going to do? What are we going to do? I see you rubbing your eyes. Look at me. Eye contact. Stay focused.
2:53🔗
Yes, I'm in Three Strikes.
3:17🔗
I know, I know.
3:24🔗
David Alan Grier
Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, if we get an order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also have a show on Fox Family, Random Acts of Comedy, but enough about me.
3:34🔗
David Alan Grier
I play a Secret Service agent in the White House, and he was jailed, wrongly accused.
3:40🔗
No, I wasn't.
3:41🔗
David Alan Grier
I wasn't. I actually, someone attempts to assassinate the president, and I run away from the bullets. So, that's where it starts. I'm demoted.
3:59🔗
No, I'm just kidding.
4:01🔗
It's a sitcom.
4:05🔗
Adam
I really enjoy David Alan Grier. I really do. Thank you so much, Adam. He's smart, he's brash, he's funny. I always enjoy his visits here.
4:17🔗
Interesting.
4:18🔗
Wow.
4:25🔗
David Alan Grier
Hey, listen, I can call my reverend friend, Mr. Sharpton and the NAACP at the drop of a hat. We will pick at you and put you out of business if you push me.
4:43🔗
David Alan Grier
Okay. Well, let's make a list of the changes that Dr. Drew needs to make in his life before the end of this night.
5:07🔗
Caller
What's up, my man? Hey, Dr. Drew and Adam, I had a question for y'all. Adam, you're probably going to rag on me, you know, knowing you. But I'm working in Stockton, California. I'm from San Antonio, Texas. And I've been out here for a little over a month and a half. And I called a stripper in my room last night and she showed up.
5:45🔗
Caller
Yeah, I called the stripper. She shows up and she's doing her little show, you know, her little dance and stuff. And then she comes on to play what she calls a game. She called it the lollipop game. Anyway, she's doing this dance. And anyway, she sticks a lollipop in her vagina. Right. And then I was supposed to bite the stick of the lollipop, pull it out of her vagina. And then she put it in her mouth. Sucked on it for maybe a second at the most. And then stuck it in my mouth. And my question is, can I get a disease? And if anybody like the girlfriends I have in San Antonio, can they get anything if I was to be able to catch something?
6:40🔗
Adam
No, that was just an old reference to an old commercial. You called a stripper over to your place alone?
6:52🔗
Caller
Well, I thought about calling, you know, getting the five of the guys I'm out here working with to come and watch the show, too. But I thought, you know, at 140 bucks an hour, I might as well get my money's worth.
7:50🔗
David Alan Grier
Let's use a proper term. She put the lollipop in her Twinkie Hole and then what happened?
8:04🔗
Drew
I mean, these are both theoretic possibilities. It's very unlikely to get anything. Herpes, you get that way, but all very unlikely.
8:12🔗
Yes?
8:14🔗
Caller
That's right. Well, I'm wondering what to do about my feelings for an older co-worker of mine. He is 50. I understand why I'm interested in him. Actually, it's because he kind of reminds me of my father, who I didn't have a relationship with.
8:37🔗
Adam
And because we were going to get to that. And are you having a relationship with the 50-year-old?
8:42🔗
Caller
No. No. I'm just not sure if it's the right thing to do. I mean, I have a boyfriend now, and he's like 23. And I don't know. And all of a sudden, they just started just really kind of digging this guy.
9:00🔗
David Alan Grier
Why don't you think it's the right thing to do? What's telling you it's not the right thing to do?
9:04🔗
Caller
Well, one, I've got a boyfriend. And I just, and as far as the relationship with the older guy, it just wouldn't be right because I wouldn't be sure if I really, you know, had feelings for this guy or if it was just because, you know, he's kind of a father figure to me.
9:29🔗
Drew
You know, he's just not been available to you. And this guy reminds you of him, but he is available. It's too much to turn down, huh? Don't do it, Tiffany. It's all built on fantasy. It's not built on who this person is. It's built on, it's built on nonsense.
9:48🔗
David Alan Grier
Wait a minute. You're saying that all older guys with younger women, it's all a father-friend?
10:04🔗
Caller
Oh, well, see, the thing is, is like I, I, I'm always going after kind of like the wrong types of men, and it's usually just for like sexual purposes.
10:15🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, what's wrong about this guy other than his age? Is there something else in his personality that you know is wrong?
10:23🔗
Caller
No, I mean, I've, I've, I've seen like, kind of like this duality kind of thing going, like, like one, one moment he'll be, you know, he'll be really nice to like caring and really considerate, and then the next he's really withdrawn. And it's just like my mother.
10:43🔗
Hi, excuse me?
10:46🔗
Oh, the thing is he's great. I mean, he's...
11:10🔗
I've only had one orgasm and it was in a dream.
11:16🔗
Adam
I've had two when I got home at 7.45. Maybe you're awake. Yeah. We're proud of you. I just really decided to surprise myself tonight.
11:25🔗
Drew
Did your penis still attach to your body? Did you worn it down to a nub? That's why it's so small. Maybe that's worn it down.
11:39🔗
Caller
Anyway, I'm in a year and nine months' relationship with my boyfriend. We have sex regularly, but nothing happens.
11:45🔗
I mean, I enjoy it, but...
12:00🔗
And as a person?
12:02🔗
David Alan Grier
Oh, he's saying, how is he at the oral sex, baby? Is he hitting the love button or what? You know we're talking about. Yeah. Is he pushing your doorbell, Mama?
12:10🔗
Yeah. Yeah. It's good.
12:15🔗
Yeah, very much so.
12:24🔗
David Alan Grier
That's right. Have you tried like the bath thing, you know, with the shower head and all that? Yeah.
12:31🔗
David Alan Grier
Have you tried, what is that, that weed whacker? Have you tried one of those?
12:43🔗
David Alan Grier
Gone down to Hustler, tell him Davey sent you. It's in the back in the corner.
12:49🔗
Adam
All right. Get on a plane. Go down the Sunset Strip. Go to the Hustler Store. Get yourself a vibrator.
12:54🔗
David Alan Grier
Don't you think that this whole thing about the orgasm thing, it's all in your head, you know, when you start sweating going, I'm supposed to have an orgasm every time.
13:02🔗
Drew
I had an interesting experience that day. I was in Northwest University. I was giving a talk and this woman started, people asking questions, one says something goes, why are women not allowed to talk about masturbation? I don't understand. Masturbation is something that women can't talk about it. When I try to masturbate, I said, you're standing up in the room of 1200 people and you're talking about masturbation. Of course you can talk about masturbation. So we had a little give and take. And we realized what she was actually saying was that there's no language that helps women understand on female terms what they need to do to understand how that function occurs. It's not a male expression. I meant it's not how does it work. It's where they shouldn't do it. Not grandpa's funeral, right?
13:47🔗
Drew
David, you screwed up. We established that. But aside from that, but the point of the...
13:51🔗
Adam
I had a good eight years under my belt before I actually was with the company of a woman. Easily. Under my belt's really the...
13:58🔗
David Alan Grier
I once knew a kid. I once knew a kid who masturbated 21 times in one day. Really? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And if you saw the guy, you'd believe it. Absolutely.
14:10🔗
21.
14:13🔗
Drew
The point is that women need to be able to figure out a way to find sort of an emotional place. That's why they always talk about lighting candles and relaxing and drawing a banner. A man, that doesn't even make sense. It's over before they even light the first candle.
14:26🔗
Adam
It's so different. I could whack off with a strobe light going in the footage of a Vietnam, you know, the strobe light and the Tet Offense of going off in the background. You know, napalm and, you know, ten-year-old Vietnamese girls running naked down the street on fire. I'd still get one off.
14:45🔗
Adam
I have that kind of focus. On the other hand, if I'm sitting in the airport trying to write something on a scratch pad and the guy next to me is, you know, messing around on his laptop, it's too, it's too distracting for me to go on.
14:56🔗
David Alan Grier
You know, I think you're partly right, but the other part is every woman is different.
15:10🔗
David Alan Grier
But you know what? Most of the girls I talk to, I go, if you sleep with a guy and he's bad in bed, they don't tell them. They just don't call him back.
15:19🔗
Drew
They don't tell the guys anything. They don't tell them when they're good, when they're bad.
15:35🔗
David Alan Grier
In this world. But all you chicks out there, it's chocolate big daddy talking.
15:44🔗
I just had a thought.
15:58🔗
Adam
Well, that's something that a guy does to a girl. But a girl could do it to herself. But girls have to masturbate. They don't have, you know, they can't whack off. They can't toss off. They can't smack the baloney. You know what I'm saying?
16:13🔗
David Alan Grier
Can I make a suggestion? Do it in front of your boyfriends, because I know they'd appreciate it.
16:36🔗
Caller
Actually, I just had, I was just calling in with some information. Drew and Adam, you guys are always talking about the morning after pill.
16:53🔗
Caller
Well, I'm calling from the Twin Cities in Minnesota, and I've heard ads on the radio for the morning after pill, and for that you can get them at Family Tree Clinic. Yeah.
17:07🔗
Drew
Well, we know you can get them at clinics. We're just talking about Washington, you don't need a prescription. You go to a drug store and just walk out with it.
17:21🔗
All right.
17:23🔗
Good.
17:24🔗
Adam
Listen, it's progressive that they're advertising. We just don't think there should be a prescription necessary.
17:39🔗
Caller
Hey, I just had a question, man. I was with my girlfriend, like, sometime last week on Thursday.
17:45🔗
Caller
And we were having, we were doing it in the car, and, like, she was trying to, she was keeping track of her orgasms. And I was wondering if it was possible for a girl to have 13, 13 orgasms.
18:04🔗
Drew
Some women don't have any refractoriness and can have literally dozens and dozens or maybe even hundreds.
18:14🔗
David Alan Grier
I've cheaped this girl for a while, my man, because it may be many years before I've done anything like that.
18:20🔗
Caller
So, that's completely normal, because I mean, I was kind of shocked when she told me, you know, and I didn't know what to think of it.
18:30🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, but the deal is, it's mostly unique to her. It's not really what you're doing. I mean, you're helping her, but it's usually the way the girls are putting together.
18:39🔗
Adam
No. She could pull the corpse of a drifter on top of her and probably squeeze four or five off.
18:48🔗
Adam
And you know what's weird too? I don't know why this imagery just came to mind, but it's like a woman keeps the orgasm in the vagina, and some are in there and they're like a crate with nails, and you need a crowbar and tools to get at it, a flat bar, and then others, it's just all bunched up in there. As soon as you pop one out, the rest come rolling out behind it.
19:12🔗
David Alan Grier
I met a woman who said if she were exercising and she squeezed her knees together tight enough, she could have an orgasm. You guys, when we work out, everybody knows it.
19:22🔗
Adam
Right, and that's what I mean. It's like some women, most, I'd say 95% of women have one up in there somewhere. Some just have one and you need a welding torch to get it out of there. Others have 13 and there's nothing even holding them in, just the weight of themselves. As soon as you rip the cord on the tampon and they all come flying right out of there.
19:49🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, but that one that has that one locked in there, if you get it out, that could be scary.
19:53🔗
Adam
Yeah. No, I mean, it's really, it's like trying to get a pearl out of an oyster or something.
20:04🔗
Adam
Thank you, man. Jonathan. Jonathan. Oh, boy. You scared them off. You know, it's always funny. I think we're talking about this a few weeks ago, but men never do this, but women do. You know, the woman that has it locked way up in there, and it's kind of hard to get to, you'll get at it every third or fourth session, but you won't see it every day. And then there'll be those days in between where it's like, you're going to town, you're going in and she's there. She's getting close. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She's getting close. You're thinking, oh, if I can just keep this up, now my calf muscle is going to give out. My nuts are going to explode. If I can just hang on for another 30 seconds, here it comes. Here it comes. And then it's like, okay, okay. Nope, ain't going to happen. They'll just sit right up. Sorry, it's not going to happen.
20:48🔗
David Alan Grier
And you're like, it's like two runners. You're like, all right, baby, I'm going for the finish line.
20:52🔗
And they're like.
20:54🔗
Adam
And then once they once they lean up and go, it ain't going to happen, they ain't going to happen. It's like, hey, you want to watch TV, want to detail the van, want to do what everyone do? Just go do it. It ain't happening. Sorry. And you go. How could a guy do that? I'm always like, honey, you were so close. We were right there. You sure you don't want to, I mean, we're there. Let's just finish up. No, no, not going to happen. Not today. Sorry.
21:16🔗
David Alan Grier
But sometimes having you been making love to a woman and you can stroke all right, but you know, you never really make it to home plate.
21:25🔗
Caller
No, it's not like, oh my God, oh my God, ah, oh, I missed the box. No, it's never that.
21:37🔗
Adam
They don't know, there's a, they get to this, they get to this threshold, it's like 10%, 20%, 30%, critical, wah, wah, wah, 40, 50, 60, 70, 90, 94%.
21:56🔗
David Alan Grier
I gotta rip on you guys. You did a loveline on TV that was like, I guess it was a tribute to Undressed.
22:12🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, did MTV just come to you with guns drawn and said, you've got to do this?
22:17🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, it seemed like it. You guys were like, let's look at another Cliffhanger.
22:23🔗
Adam
It could have been a decent show, but we had to reshoot the opening part for reasons unknown. And then when we were four seconds from ending, Drew started yapping because they were yelling in his earpiece and F that end up. And then I got pissed off and then the whole show sucked. Is that what happened?
22:39🔗
Good.
22:44🔗
Hey, how's it going?
22:48🔗
Caller
I'm getting this girl now and she, like, won't really commit, but she just feels the need to date other guys. She's not really right now, but she's told me that she, you know, she might or whatever.
23:13🔗
Adam
So you're just holding the map. Hold on. That's not a bad line. I'll write that one down. David Alan Grier is here, everybody. He's promoting the David Alan Grier show and the Greer Alan David show. He's in movies, Three Strikes. He's in. He's got one coming up. The hell's this one with the David Duchovny mini driver? He's got a man's got a real career happening. I don't know what he's doing here. He'll be here.
24:13🔗
Adam
It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. You can see me on Politically Incorrect Tonight if you're listening East of the Mississippi because we're on a day delay. Or, you can also watch The Man Show tonight if you're East of the Mississippi. Whatever. It is a hit.
24:33🔗
David Alan Grier
Adam, just rest on your laurels. You don't have to keep pushing. People like you for you, okay?
24:43🔗
David Alan Grier
Can you receive love? I mean, it's not impossible. It'd make Adam feel a lot happier, I think. Okay, let's take a call.
24:50🔗
Adam
Now, David's here promoting Three Strikes, which comes out March 1st. Also, he has a movie called Return to Me, which will be out April 17th. Or, sorry, 7th. And then, he's got himself a new ABC series.
25:11🔗
David Alan Grier
You know, things have really changed. And Dr. Drew, you're letting him get away with a lot more than you used to. You used to challenge this man. You used to hold him in check.
25:27🔗
David Alan Grier
You know, Dr. Drew wants me to do his cheesy little show on the Internet, you know.
25:39🔗
Caller
This girl I'm dating now, she's not really committed to me, but I'm not really, I don't want to give her an ultimatum because, you know, we just, not an ultimatum, but I don't want to tell her, you know, that I want to be serious yet because we just started and she dates other guys. And I was kind of worried. I was just worried because I mean, it's been like picture perfect. Like all the dates we've been on, you know?
26:18🔗
Adam
Let me, let me explain something unfortunately for your situation. Women who are into guys, if they're sane and into the guy, they go on a date with them, they like him, they're in. They want a second date, they want a third date. If they're a little effed up, then they may not, or if they're not really into the guy. So you got two choices here. She's either A, not into you that much, or B, effed up, or possibly both.
26:44🔗
David Alan Grier
But let me put another thing in here. I've, through the David Alan Grier Research Fund, I've talked to several, several women. A lot of women have admitted if a guy keeps calling them, they don't like the guy, they're not attracted to the guy. If he keeps harassing them, begging them to go out, they will go out with him to get rid of him. I've even talked to women who said, I have slept with a man just to get rid of him, to keep him, to say stop calling. Now see, this is something that men don't do.
27:16🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, but you talk to a lot of women who will date a guy just, okay, shut up now. I went out with you, get away from me.
27:21🔗
Adam
Yeah, well listen, we all do that in our everyday lives. I mean, think of the old, well okay, but put it this way. Think of the old friend or the guy you knew from high school that's been calling you for a while. He wants to get together and do lunch.
27:36🔗
Adam
He wants to go out to lunch. And you realize you put him off five or six times. And then he says, how about two weeks from this Tuesday? And you go, oh, f it, okay.
27:45🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, but if a girl keeps calling you and wants to get with you and you don't like her, you blow her off. Most men do that. Men don't go, okay, I'll go out with you to dinner just to shut you up. Women will.
28:04🔗
Adam
Well, don't give me whatever. You've liked her for three years. She's been sort of lukewarm on you. Why didn't you guys get together three years ago?
28:30🔗
Drew
Zach, let's put it this way. Wait a minute. Hang on. If you had a girlfriend, okay, and she groomed you for like three years and finally agreed to go out with her and you made like it was a nice date and stuff, could she have groomed you into liking her? If you didn't like her, really weren't into her that whole three years?
28:48🔗
Adam
You're saying you're confusing him with a hypothetical. Don't ever use those on our callers. Zach, I'm sorry to confuse you with big words. I'm all together in one of those things called sentences. Now, Zach, listen to me. You're in a ton of denial. She's told you after a few dates that she wants to date other people.
29:20🔗
David Alan Grier
Zach, go ahead, man. These guys are so insensitive. Go ahead. Talk to me, baby. Come on.
29:24🔗
Caller
Let me know. It's hard to explain. She just said that she does date other guys. I'm not saying she is right now, but she has in the past. But now she's told me and I seriously believe her because I've talked to like her roommates and everything and she says she's like totally into me and everything. And I really do believe him. But she told me she's never really actually really liked the guy she dated. You know? All right.
29:53🔗
Adam
Hey, now we gave Zach a barge full of crap and now he's sort of downgrading this so we don't get on him quite as much. Zach. Yeah, that is it. Now you're saying that she has dated other guys in the past and now she's dating you. That's not what you're saying. She told you that she doesn't want to exclusively date you, that there are other guys she wants to date. She's not dating them right now.
30:44🔗
Drew
Reality has got to conform with what they need or they can't handle it. They can't even talk about it.
30:50🔗
Yeah.
30:54🔗
Adam
I don't know, but when I was 18, I was still fantasizing about being able to become invisible and go in the girls' locker room and stuff.
31:02🔗
I'm sorry.
31:06🔗
Yeah. I never been with a girl, but I'm masturbating.
31:09🔗
And also I mean, like, do I still have my virginity?
31:16🔗
So like, if I'm masturbating, if I'm masturbating, I still have my virginity though.
31:30🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's my ramp name. What do you think, David Alan? Mayonnaise. You know what I'm saying?
31:37🔗
I like it a lot.
31:41🔗
David Alan Grier
His name is mayonnaise. That's what they call him in the street. His name is Adam Corolla. He like to beat his hay now. Yeah, I like that. That's nice.
31:53🔗
Yeah, you guys keep calling me.
31:57🔗
Yeah. All right. Cool.
32:15🔗
David Alan Grier
You know what? I wouldn't date a virgin right now. I would run from a virgin, like, you know...
32:21🔗
Drew
I don't think you'd have to be concerned about that kind of thing. Because her reaction would be about the same as yours.
32:25🔗
David Alan Grier
I'm telling you. Right now. No, they like it. The virgin chicks like to date the really crazy guys because it's, you know, they want to change you.
32:42🔗
My nuts are extremely large.
32:48🔗
And I'm on the track team.
32:51🔗
And I keep slapping them on my thighs.
32:59🔗
No, just like I'm running long distances.
33:04🔗
I don't know.
33:12🔗
Just like the nuts. I like slap them across my thighs and they hurt really bad.
33:20🔗
Adam
There's these things, I think they invent them like, I don't know, it was like in the 70s, called underpants, you put them on and then when you run, you just get some ball nuggers in.
34:08🔗
Oh, God. Oh, oh.
34:32🔗
Adam
My grandmother called me tonight and busted my chops about having porn stars on the show. Yeah. She's like, why is that necessary?
34:39🔗
Drew
A lot of people commented that it's hard to talk to them about what they really are all about. What, porn stars? Yeah, because they tell me it off the air and then...
34:53🔗
Yeah, what's going on?
34:58🔗
Caller
Hey, yeah. All right, I got this problem, right? Now, I'm not sexually active. I'm going with abstinence right now until I get married. But my problem is, I believe from wearing non-boxers, the regular underwear.
35:24🔗
Adam
Yeah, but he believes that this is from wearing briefs and getting an erection inside of the briefs.
35:34🔗
Caller
Well, when I was, let's say, I started when I was 13. It went left, then it went right, and now for like the past couple of years, it just goes like a banana.
35:46🔗
Drew
800 units a day may help, but if it doesn't, see a urologist. How much? 800 units a day.
35:56🔗
Adam
You believe a turtleneck sweater could make your neck longer? I mean, if you wore one, let's say, every winter.
36:08🔗
David Alan Grier
This young man called this show because he wanted to get some information, and thank God for Dr. Drew.
36:27🔗
David Alan Grier
You have really changed. You used to be the regular guy. My old girlfriend loved you. She said, Adam sounds like he's really cool.
36:38🔗
Adam
Hold on. Speaking of regular guy, David Alan Grier came on this show, must have been a year and a half ago, two years ago. We were talking about boxing. He gave me his number.
37:14🔗
David Alan Grier
I thought you were going to have like a Golden Gloves flashback and I worked about it, worked about it.
37:30🔗
Adam
Call the guy twice over a couple of months, never call back. I want to go work out with you.
37:41🔗
Adam
David Alan Grier, sir, I guess. I will take a little break. We'll be back after this. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1-2.
38:44🔗
David Alan Grier
Shout out to Jimmy Carey, man. You didn't get nominated. Big deal. You make 20 million a film. Don't sweat it. All right.
39:04🔗
David Alan Grier
Magnolia was the most magnificent movie of last year. It was not nominated for best film, so they can all go to hell.
39:21🔗
David Alan Grier
No, I said, I said, you know, don't sweat it. He's, you know, making movies, making money.
39:27🔗
David Alan Grier
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think he should worry about the Academy.
39:31🔗
Adam
David would have done a little more hanging out with him had he known. Oh, if he had his crystal ball.
39:59🔗
Caller
Hi. My boyfriend wants to have anal sex and I was wondering if there's any permanent damage that could be done.
40:19🔗
Caller
Well, I have an movement like a lot of guys, so I don't have anything to compare it to, but he's not small.
40:31🔗
Caller
Well, yeah. Well, my friend has done it before and one of my friends, she said she liked it and my other friend said she didn't like it, so.
40:48🔗
Drew
If it hurts too much, stop. You can tear the muscles. You can cause abscesses. No, stop. Hemorrhoids.
41:02🔗
David Alan Grier
Sex is a good way to transmit STDs. As a matter of fact, kissing is too. Did you know that if you stare intently at another person, there's vapors from the eyeballs that carry the HIV virus?
41:18🔗
Adam
Did you guys hear that I've yanked about this before? It has nothing to do with the show, but it drives me insane anyway. Did you hear that a judge gave the family of the North Hollywood bank robbers the right to sue the LAPD now? Unacceptable.
41:36🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, because he... But it was the grandmother, because they left him there to bleed. I think they should have left him handcuffed and kicked him. And to bleed. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
41:52🔗
David Alan Grier
A little something, getting to know the people. I went over there to see orangutans.
41:59🔗
David Alan Grier
I saw them in the wild. I mean, it was at the end of the trip, and I was like, Oh my God, they're no orangutans. This looks like a park.
42:06🔗
David Alan Grier
And there it was in the tree, a mama feeding on a tree with her little baby.
42:15🔗
David Alan Grier
They're like, this is the favorite place for the orangutan. This is my favorite place. The little thing. And we go up there and there's like 58 boats full of Japanese tourists, you know? Like eating Clark bars, throwing their cigarette butts over the side.
42:30🔗
David Alan Grier
No. I went to do the show. It was horrible. It took four days to get there and I could only spend three days. It was just constant jet lag and arguing.
42:38🔗
Adam
Wow. I don't go to the zoo anymore because it's like just nothing but paroled felons and their mongoloid kids there.
42:47🔗
Adam
I don't know what the hell happened to the LA Zoo, but Drew, if you hauled your lily white ass into that place in the last five years...
43:02🔗
Adam
All I see there is a bunch of ex-gang members with tattoos on their eyelids and calves pushing around strollers that have eight kids in them. They're all the same age. I don't know how that works. And I'm scared for my life in that place now, LA Zoo. Plus, all the good animals are either sleeping or in their den.
43:21🔗
David Alan Grier
It's very depressing, though. You see like a pygmy hippopotamus, last known surviving hippo.
43:38🔗
Adam
No. Yeah, they're sitting there and they're going, look, I got some guy with a FDLAPD tattooed on his neck looking at me and I'm scared to move.
43:48🔗
David Alan Grier
Let me tell you, I saw two elephants going at it. That is a humbling experience.
43:52🔗
Oh, really?
44:06🔗
David Alan Grier
That's true, that's true. It's not the length, it's the girth, ladies. It's the girth.
44:16🔗
Yes?
44:25🔗
I've been writing this guy for two years. In the last year, we kind of started falling in love. And I want to know if it's possible to fall in love with somebody that you've never met, but you talk to them on the phone and through letters.
44:45🔗
David Alan Grier
No, that's not true. That's not true. But why haven't you seen him? Why haven't you met him?
44:52🔗
Yeah.
44:56🔗
I don't know.
44:59🔗
I have no idea. He's just a really sweet guy.
45:12🔗
No.
45:15🔗
Because he don't rat on people.
45:28🔗
Well, no. I mean, I was married to my ex-husband nine years.
45:34🔗
No.
45:40🔗
Adam
First off, I can hear it in your voice. You're broken. I mean, you've had a tough life, right?
45:46🔗
Adam
You've been kicked around a little bit. Sounds like you swallowed a trash can lid. You know what I mean?
46:00🔗
David Alan Grier
Kelly, what's the kind of guy that you just don't go for? A guy with a good job, never been to prison, probably just wants to love you for who and what you are, and straight as an arrow, you wouldn't go for a guy like that?
46:11🔗
But I'm not saying this guy is bad either.
46:20🔗
He told me he was in there for theft, for somebody else.
46:35🔗
Through a friend that knew him.
46:49🔗
I don't know. He keeps on screwing up and going back.
47:01🔗
David Alan Grier
Let me ask the other question. How many kids you got, Kelly? I say three. I say one.
47:08🔗
Adam
I would say get a basket and put it down the river. It would be raised by baboons that have a better chance.
47:17🔗
David Alan Grier
And immediately get impregnated by this man. And marry him and you'll live happily ever after.
47:28🔗
She's seven years old.
47:29🔗
Adam
Seven years old. All right. You want you have she has three possible employment opportunities right now. Stripper, crack whore, welfare mom. Now, you can start doing your job, raising her, stop obsessing about guys in prison, and start focusing on your god damn kid. Would you please?
47:51🔗
My life revolves around my daughter. It revolves around my daughter.
47:54🔗
Adam
Good. Listen, if your life revolves around your daughter, you wouldn't be thinking about hooking up with a guy who's in the joint.
48:10🔗
David Alan Grier
You know, Adam, I like when you get angry. You get excited, don't you? Bring some of that to the ring, my man.
48:22🔗
Adam
Well, it's worth hearing. Yep, oh, it's Loveline. All right, we're gonna take a quick 10 second time out, we'll be back in just 10 seconds.
49:02🔗
Adam
David Alan Grier, let me do what we call a radio reset in the show. David Alan Grier is our guest tonight. He's promoting an upcoming role.
49:28🔗
Adam
Also, he'll be in Return of Me with Minnie Driver and David Duchovny, which is coming out April 7th. And an NBC show called DAG.
49:39🔗
Adam
That's an acronym for David Alan Grier. And that you can look for sometime in the fall of 2000.
49:58🔗
David Alan Grier
Did you think something was going to happen on a millennium? I really thought so. I did.
50:07🔗
Caller
How are you doing, Dr. Drew? I mean, I'm just kind of nervous, because it's my first time on Loveline. All right, Michael. Go ahead. Go ahead. OK. When I was born, I was born with one testicle. And as I got older, I realized that I couldn't produce a lot of sperm.
50:26🔗
Caller
Well, I masturbate sometimes, because I'm a Jew. And as a Jew, I can't have sex till I'm, you know, married.
50:34🔗
Adam
Wait a minute. As a Jew, you don't get sex after you're married, but you're allowed to get laid before.
50:39🔗
Caller
But, you know, as a Jew, I abide by my own religion, because that's what the law is. Wait a minute.
50:55🔗
Drew
Michael, did you, how did you know how much sperm is in your semen? Did you have a sperm count?
51:00🔗
Caller
You know, I masturbate once in a while at a porn movie, and I saw there was only little semen coming out.
51:09🔗
Caller
I went to check myself out in a doctor, and they said already that, you know, you have a problem. And I'm also kind of skeptical.
51:17🔗
Caller
Well, you know, if I get kind of older, I don't know if I'm going to have kids or not, or maybe you know.
51:30🔗
David Alan Grier
Hold on. Let's correct this, because a lot of the kids out there need to know. Now, Dr. Drew, if I'm not mistaken, a sperm count is when you're jizzing a cup.
51:36🔗
David Alan Grier
And there's a little guy there with tweezers and a microscope, and he counts those little tadpoles.
52:10🔗
Drew
How many times have I opened the wallet? Here's the problem, Michael. Michael, here's the problem. Cut them off. Did you say something about having just one testicle? Yeah.
52:17🔗
Drew
Okay. The other one is inside your abdomen. It can become cancerous. It has to be taken out.
52:27🔗
Drew
All right. Take that. That's got to come out. That has got to come out. And it has nothing to do with your sperm count, your sperm production. You can function fine with one testing.
52:37🔗
David Alan Grier
Hey, let me ask you a question, man. When you're hanging out in the old steam room, is it lopsided down there? Can't you get a marble or something put in there to make it hang right?
52:44🔗
Caller
Well, I mean, you know, the doctor once told me that you can have another fake one put in there. But then I said, you know, I'm too young. I'd rather not do it.
52:57🔗
Caller
When they did a test, they couldn't detect where it is. I mean, they couldn't detect it at all. They did, you know.
53:02🔗
Drew
That actually could be a bad sign. They become what's called streak. And that can be bad.
53:09🔗
David Alan Grier
Michael, what Dr. Drew is trying to tell you, you may have six months to live. Go out and get laid.
53:12🔗
Drew
No, I'm not saying that. Go make sure you get this taken care of as per whatever the assertions tell you. Do it.
53:32🔗
Caller
It's like she would like drive up in front of my house and like call me on her cell phone.
53:44🔗
Caller
No, like she would like drive in front of my house and like call me up from the cell phone and like say that she's there and then just like drive off.
54:03🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, you know what, guys? I think I need to talk to both of you knuckleheads. You know, when I first came to this place, this was a sacred place, you were energized, you were excited by talking to these sick, deranged young people. Now, I see Dr. Drew's rubbing his head, you're picking your nose, you know, telling people, shut up. Oh, get rid of your disease, your knuckleheaded ex-wife.
54:27🔗
Caller
Let's try and give these young people some love and some caring the way you used to do four or five years ago when you weren't big shots with your books and your man show and your computer talk thing.
54:41🔗
Adam
Before it became mayonnaise. All right, David is right. Drew, I'm willing to recommit to the show for the next 10 minutes. What about you?
55:43🔗
Adam
The penis is all white. Well, I don't know. There could have been a prison break. You're right.
55:52🔗
Adam
Well, listen, a black guy gets a neck rash. It's no problem. You don't have the pink skin like I have. It doesn't show up on him.
56:06🔗
David Alan Grier
You got to get the laser or the funky face will get you a real cool girlfriend to pick your ingrowns.
56:19🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, but you know what? You got to find the right doctor because I have a dermatologist here in town. They specialize in ethnic skin. That's not only African-Americans, Mediterranean, Hispanic, Asian people. Yeah, and scarring. They can really hook you up. It's going to cost you thousands of dollars, brother. So you might want to, you know.
56:38🔗
David Alan Grier
I don't. Why not? Well, among other blessings, God has chosen not to give me that.
56:48🔗
Adam
All right. Marvin, I have done extensive experimentation in this department, and I'm going to tell you how to correct this problem.
57:13🔗
Adam
Marvin, forget all that over-the-counter junk. They talk about bump away and bump off and bump yourself and all that other stuff. Now, that's no good. Here's the way to get rid of the neck rash. Now, you're never going to get rid of it. You're just going to control it.
57:33🔗
David Alan Grier
No, you can't do that. You cannot shave with that. Here's what I shave with. I shave with an electric shaver.
57:39🔗
David Alan Grier
No, but listen to me. Hold on, brother. Hold on. What it is is a clipper that's used to edge your neckline. What it does is it doesn't take the hair follicle all the way down to the skin. You're not going to get as close a shave, but you want to keep that hair follicle just...
57:57🔗
David Alan Grier
I can shave twice a day. But it doesn't bring the hair follicle down so you get an ingrown hair. That's what you need. Yeah. Look at this. Smooth and lovely. The ladies love it.
58:28🔗
Adam
You guys give me 45 seconds alone with Brother Marvin over here. Marvin, listen, David is right and I will give you a technique as well. He is right. You don't want to shave against the grain. A number one. Now, here's a problem. Your hair grows in many different directions. You have to find out which direction is where. It may grow one direction on your cheek and one direction on your neck. It grows a little different direction around your anus apple, and that's why everyone gets that along the neck. You must shift the razor and go the direction that the hair is growing. That is A, number one. B, number two, before you shave, and even once a day, you got to get yourself some of that crushed up pumice scrub stuff, that apricot seed stuff. Put it on a wash rag and scrub that neck. You scrub off all the dead skin cells and the hair gets freed up. It doesn't get buried under there. It doesn't grow in. And here's the last thing. Before, shave before you go to bed at night, and then take a nice big dallop of oxy-10 and just take it on that area. It dries it up. It doesn't let it get all weird and infected. I don't know why this worked. No one told me about it. I just stumbled onto it myself. Just take a nice big blob of that zit cream, benzoyl peroxide, and just rub it in that area and go to bed at night with that crap on there. I'm telling you, it'll decrease it markedly.
59:58🔗
Adam
Shave every other day. All right, Marvin, call us back. Tell me how it went. Cool, man. Wait a minute. If it doesn't go well, don't call back. Oh, I will. All right. Thanks, Marvin. Take care. Let's see who else we can help tonight. Drew, what do you say?
1:00:20🔗
David Alan Grier
No, it's not bad. But actually I'm calling because one of my best friends lives in the building next to me. We live on the first floor and one day I was cleaning and I was doing an intense cleaning, like taking blinds and stuff off. Apparently she didn't have her shades closed down enough. I saw her dog going down on her. Okay. Looking there. Now I'm actually grossed out and I mean like, how could I go about telling this woman, you know, do you have to say something to her? I don't know, but it's just like, I don't want to be her friend now because I saw her doing that. It's like I feel awkward and she comes to my house often. Children.
1:01:12🔗
David Alan Grier
But wait a minute. Yeah, what Dr. Drew is asking is, did you stand there long enough to really see exactly what the dog was doing?
1:01:20🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, if she's sitting right across from the window on her couch with her legs open and the dog was in between them.
1:01:31🔗
Adam
Well, you saw close to enough. And listen, by the way, if I scratch my ass, I'll draw the blinds.
1:01:39🔗
Adam
I mean, I'll close the curtains. I'm not going to open the... I mean, why would the curtains open when the dog is going down on you? That's not you. I mean her. That's a little weird.
1:01:54🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, you know what I would do? And before you cut her off, maybe you have to find out really what's going on. Because it sounds like...
1:02:08🔗
David Alan Grier
Hey, guys, maybe I'm from planet Mars, but on my planet, we have a thing called truth.
1:02:20🔗
Adam
Listen, you'd have a better chance of getting it out of the dog than you would getting it out of her. Now, is she a single woman?
1:02:36🔗
David Alan Grier
Look, I'm gonna tell you right now. You told somebody else about this. I could tell it in your voice. No, she doesn't.
1:02:52🔗
David Alan Grier
Just, you know what you have to do? I'm gonna give you some advice. If you want to know what's really going on, be a little deceptive. You know, you start the conversation like it's cool. You're very open-minded. You wouldn't, you know, you know, hey, what's going on? You get her in a trust situation and find out what's up.
1:03:14🔗
David Alan Grier
How did you know? If you don't know she even had underwear on, if this was an illegal act, you couldn't call the police.
1:03:23🔗
David Alan Grier
She's the type of person, sometimes we're talking through our bathroom windows cause our bathroom windows are like tall, are high.
1:03:44🔗
David Alan Grier
Actually, she was born with a male organ and I know that they operated on her when she was smaller and stuff.
1:03:58🔗
Drew
No, wait a minute here. Wait a minute. Was she a male that they converted to a female or did she?
1:04:41🔗
Drew
This is fascinating. Listen to me. So, now, wait a minute. So she may have been a male. You know, what is she genetically?
1:05:18🔗
Drew
And in the old days, they used to sort of pick whichever one was most there and convert to that and not really pay attention to the genetics.
1:05:30🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, she's hairy, I'll tell you that much. She's a pretty woman, but she is hairy.
1:05:38🔗
Adam
Hey, Susan, you know, I told you I had at myself twice before I left for the show tonight. You what? You just killed the hat trick.
1:06:22🔗
Adam
Listen, Marie, I know this is going to sound weird, but you're a good friend. I think I can confide in you. I once blew a parrot. And then just give her a beat. And if she did something with the dog, she'll say it.
1:06:36🔗
Drew
Susan seemed to indicate that she had some weird stuff she could trade off. Did you hear her say that?
1:06:39🔗
Adam
Yeah, trade off something or make up something. If you want to get someone to admit something, say something really bizarre and embarrassing about yourself, then they'll come forward with that and then you laugh and yell you're lying. There you go. Alright, we'll take a little break. David Alan Grier is here tonight and we'll be back after this.
1:07:06🔗
Adam
It's Love Line. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew. David Alan Grier is our guest tonight. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. David can be seen in Three Strikes, which is coming up March 1st and then another movie, April 7th, which is called Return to Me. Is that dramatic?
1:07:26🔗
David Alan Grier
Well that's what we call, that's a date movie, brother. That's a romantic comedy, you know. I play the best friend, you know, the black guy going, if you don't date her, you're crazy.
1:07:35🔗
Caller
Would you get out of the house? Come on man, there's a great girl there and she loves you.
1:07:50🔗
David Alan Grier
He does, he falls in love with her and stuff. And she doesn't use that limey accent either in this movie. She's like all Americanized acting and stuff.
1:07:59🔗
David Alan Grier
We filmed it in Chicago. Beautiful, beautiful Chicago. During the summer it was great. Yeah, but it was so great.
1:08:10🔗
David Alan Grier
You know where I'm from? I'm from a town called None of Your Damn Business.
1:08:16🔗
David Alan Grier
We are, and I'm going to call you back. The world is my witness. I'm very hard at making friends. It's very hard. Don't you agree, Dr. Drew, the older you get, people calling you, hey, man, what's the thing out? You're like, who is this man? Well, you are because you're addicted to your work.
1:08:36🔗
Yeah?
1:08:39🔗
Caller
Well, okay. Yesterday, I had just got a sample of the new Trojan Superconductor condoms because I figured out that the normal latex condoms, they burn and sting me. And my boyfriend tried it and it started burning and stinging him. So we-
1:09:08🔗
Caller
I've tried the nor plant that really screwed my system. I don't want to get on birth control because I have heart problems and I smoke.
1:09:29🔗
Drew
All right, so you need to have that evaluated to see if you still have any valve dysfunction, but that does not preclude you from taking the birth control pill.
1:09:36🔗
Drew
You're under 35, so smoking obviously is not a good idea, but it doesn't add the added risk that you have to worry about over 35.
1:09:45🔗
Drew
But you need to stop smoking. You need to stop smoking, provided you get the echocardiogram to make sure your heart valve is-
1:09:51🔗
Caller
Yeah, and I promised Adam, my boyfriend Adam, that I would tell Adam that he loves your show, he loves everything you do.
1:10:26🔗
David Alan Grier
She's crazy. Listen, let me ask you something. My favorite condom was Ramsey's.
1:10:33🔗
David Alan Grier
Was it? Is it Ramsey's? It's like in a silver box and all of a sudden, they're gone.
1:10:47🔗
David Alan Grier
Those fit, because you got to get the right thickness. And you know what I mean? The thickness, because some of them feel are thicker than the other. And some of them are so thin, it's like putting on cellophane.
1:10:55🔗
Adam
Now, see, a lot of guys want the thinness for the sensation, but I want the thickness for the width.
1:11:02🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, I want something thin enough that I can feel something, but not so thin. Literally, I've put on condoms that were like, they just like crumple in your hair, all like balled up in your hand. You can't make them work.
1:11:32🔗
Adam
Yeah, what I'll do is I'll pull it all the way up to the reservoir and just tie the rest around my ass.
1:11:41🔗
Caller
Yeah, my boyfriend, when he broke up with me, he said it was because I was like too overweight, but it's like I'm 5'3, and I weigh 120, and my bra size is C38, so I didn't think I was that overweight, but then he kept telling me that I was. So, I went on a like a star diet, and when I'd eat, I'd throw up, and now, like when I throw up, I have a lot of blood.
1:12:11🔗
Drew
Yeah, it's probably from a tear in your esophagus, and you can bleed to death in a few minutes with that. So, if that happens, you have to go to the emergency room.
1:12:36🔗
Adam
And what is up with your boyfriend that he said, I'm breaking up with you because you're fat?
1:12:40🔗
Caller
Well, he didn't say it straight out. He was like, he was such a jerk. I hated him so much, like after, because he was really sincere at first, and then after that, it was like when he broke up to me, he told my best friend, he's like, Oh, don't tell her this, but you know, I broke up with her because she was overweight, and like, you know, I'm really in love with you.
1:12:58🔗
David Alan Grier
Asshole. So hold on. So hold on. You hate him so much that now you're starving yourself and puking?
1:13:02🔗
Caller
No, I mean, it's like, it's like, you know, I, I was like, okay, I had something really good with him. And it's like, it, it was so bad that something that good could like be over because of that. It was like, I didn't want it to happen again.
1:13:20🔗
Adam
Hey, Sarah. Uh-huh. You got to get yourself checked out because blood came out when you vomited. All right?
1:13:28🔗
Adam
And number two, you got to stop doing this. And number three, you have to sort of get your life in order a little bit.
1:13:37🔗
Adam
Nah, there's something, there's something going on. A guy broke up with you, told your best friend you were chubby and now you're spinning out of control. I mean, something's, you're not on solid ground here. Something's up.
1:13:49🔗
Caller
Well, it's not like really bad. It's like, you probably think it is, but it's not like that.
1:14:04🔗
Drew
Plus, she's gonna have electrolyte problems, could get heart problems, kidney problems from this.
1:14:08🔗
David Alan Grier
Guys, can we deal with my medical problems? Dr. Drew, I think I'm coming down with the flu now. I saw on TV that little thing that you spray in your mouth.
1:14:17🔗
David Alan Grier
Can you kick me down a prescription? Because it just started today. Come on, it's not addictive. Am I gonna get high off of it?
1:14:27🔗
David Alan Grier
What's wrong with it? Could you give me a prescription, please? And while you're at it, give me some Dilaudid, please.
1:14:37🔗
Adam
Drew, why stuff for a flu, though? Why is that a prescription? Because it's powerful, because what? What's the danger?
1:14:46🔗
Drew
They actually started having some problems this year. It created problems with people with asthma and lung disease.
1:15:10🔗
Caller
And I was wondering if, like, lately for the past couple of weeks, I've been kind of depressed and my boyfriend thinks it might be because of all the ecstasy I've done.
1:15:27🔗
Drew
It's just, mood disturbances, panic attacks, they're very common. And they can be persistent and severe sometimes. Right.
1:15:45🔗
Drew
MDMA, which is an amphetamine that's been altered to give it hallucinogenic properties.
1:15:59🔗
David Alan Grier
What about their new, they have Viagra, but they have this new one. I just was watching.
1:16:04🔗
Drew
Well, there's a few coming out there yet. What's the difference? It's just going to be other medicines that affect the nitric oxide pathways.
1:16:18🔗
Drew
It has some effect on women. There's anecdotes of women being able to have multiple orgasms, but it really, all it does is dilate arteries going into the penis.
1:16:46🔗
Caller
One of my aortas on my heart got torn off in a wave running accident, and so my legs were without blood for about, I'd say...
1:16:54🔗
Drew
Oh, so what happens is you get a tear in the aorta and it clips off the vertebral artery to your back.
1:17:06🔗
Caller
But since, my question is, since I've become paraplegic, I've become a lot more sensitive and I can ejaculate a lot more. I mean, sometimes, you know, eight, nine times instead of like once and then I'm done for the night, and I can sustain sex a lot longer. I'm wondering if that's normal.
1:17:41🔗
Caller
I can't move them, but I can feel them. And the feeling is a little bit numbed, like when your legs are coming out from being asleep.
1:17:52🔗
Adam
And, but you get an erection, you have an orgasm, and you have more than you did before.
1:17:59🔗
Drew
That's not the routine thing. We were in Kentucky last week, and a kid in a wheelchair was saying he had erections, but no orgasms, so he didn't even try to have an orgasm, it seemed like.
1:18:13🔗
Adam
Maybe you just have more orgasms because you've got more time on your hands now. You're hanging around the house.
1:18:23🔗
Caller
Yeah, during sex with another person. I mean, sometimes even just like, you know, in the foreplay.
1:18:32🔗
Drew
Well, the system is quite different. I mean, a lot of this is mediated through spinal reflexes, so it makes sense that it would still.
1:18:54🔗
Drew
No, look, it's spinal. It's to your spinal cord is the problem. If it had been to your legs, your leg would be black and gangrene.
1:19:00🔗
Drew
Okay. It's a hip. It's an artery midway down your aorta that hits the lower part of the spine, that if it gets torn, the aorta gets torn, it can clip off that artery.
1:19:12🔗
Adam
Hey. Hey, you know, it's rough, though. I mean, you know, being in a wheelchair and everything is clean up, isn't it?
1:19:26🔗
Adam
No, you do. But what I'm saying is I'll squeeze one off in the shower every once in a while when I don't want to deal with the mess. You know what I mean?
1:20:04🔗
Adam
My buddies, the great Jimmy Kimmel and Daniel Kelson from The Man Show, Daniel's one of the executive producers for Christmas, ordered me a toilet seat that you hook on to your, you get rid of your old toilet seat, you bolt it on. It has buttons, it has a water feed, it has a bunch of devices.
1:20:26🔗
Adam
It squirts that water right where it counts. Really? Nice and clean. You could eat off of my asshole.
1:20:37🔗
Adam
I said it's like trying to get peanut butter out of shag carpet. But... Hey, well, you'll see when we hit the line. After we work out, David, when we hit the line...
1:22:46🔗
Adam
I'll have to use a moist towelette or something, you know, to really, really get in there or a bottle brush.
1:23:45🔗
David Alan Grier
Boy, am I embarrassed. Guys, please, I can't. Hang on a second, man. Hold on a second.
1:23:51🔗
Adam
David Alan Grier is our guest tonight. He's composed himself. We've cleaned up and aired the studio out.
1:23:56🔗
David Alan Grier
Thanks a lot, guys. Apologies all around, guys, because that has never happened to me before.
1:24:01🔗
Adam
He's in Three Strikes coming up on March 1st. What I was saying is my toilet seat finally came in. The one that gives you a little jet of water in the coolie there to really help you freshen up.
1:24:21🔗
Adam
Now, I literally got it this afternoon at the office. It's in the trunk of my car and I've not hooked it up yet.
1:24:30🔗
Adam
I sat on it out in the car, put it on my car seat. Obviously, there's no water hook up to it.
1:24:38🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah. You can adjust the whole thing. Oh, no. Toilets. If you go to Japan, you can purchase a toilet that has hot air, a music, sound systems. They got scents that are dispensed after you do your business.
1:25:02🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah. Just to watch out. No, no. If the water is too hot, you'll pucker right up there, buddy.
1:25:13🔗
David Alan Grier
I'm going to step out, guys, because I can't go through what just happened here.
1:25:17🔗
Adam
You fire up that soft swirl machine down there, and it's like running it through a dwarf's beard, and it gets a little messy down there.
1:25:38🔗
Nice talking to you guys. Got really messed up last couple of days I came along here. Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and my girlfriend, who I've been thinking about dumping, told me she's pregnant.
1:25:51🔗
No, I've been thinking about doing it, and...
1:25:56🔗
Adam
Well, that's all right. You believe in reincarnation? I know you'll come back as something smarter.
1:26:03🔗
What's that?
1:26:06🔗
She doesn't quite know. She thinks around about six weeks.
1:26:10🔗
She says she thinks she is.
1:26:12🔗
David Alan Grier
All right, let me ask you one question. Did you have a talk with her and tell her, yeah, I think I want to dump you before she told you she's pregnant?
1:26:20🔗
No, I haven't had that talk yet. It was Valentine's Day and all, and she hit me.
1:26:23🔗
David Alan Grier
Well, hold on. Let me ask you one more question. Did you tell your friends?
1:26:26🔗
No, I didn't tell my buddies.
1:26:27🔗
David Alan Grier
So there's no way she could have found out that you were thinking about dumping her?
1:26:31🔗
I don't think so.
1:26:36🔗
Not really.
1:26:36🔗
She's pregnant.
1:26:46🔗
Adam
All right. Well, don't get into the whole breakup stuff. Just have a talk with her. See where she's coming from. But for now, put that whole breakup business on hold. You don't want to freak around and you don't want the baby to sort of become a bargaining tool.
1:27:00🔗
David Alan Grier
As a matter of fact, you know what you need to do? You need to go to the other extreme. You need to say, look here, baby, I love you so much. I can't wait to have children with you. But hey, let's do this right. Let's get this abortion and let's get married. I'm serious, dude. You better lie your butt off to get her to do something.
1:27:23🔗
Caller
Well, real quick, Mr. Grier, I think you're an extremely entertaining entertainer. Sorry to repeat myself. I vote for you to replace Adam because I have a feeling Adam's not going to bring him around much longer on the show for some reason. That's just my gut feeling. So my problem is I got together with this girl this past weekend and I had unprotected sex with her. And I proceeded to ask her if she would take the morning after pill. And she hasn't done so yet, but she seems to think that she can take three standard birth control pills birth control pills in place of a morning after pill.
1:28:34🔗
Caller
Actually, I need to call her right after I talk to you to find that out. But I believe she has.
1:29:04🔗
Drew
Low-ovral. Low-ovral is four tablets, and then repeat in 12 hours. O-vral is two tablets, and then repeat in 12 hours.
1:29:11🔗
Adam
I like those pain-relief commercials where the guy goes, I can take one Aleve once every 10 years, or I can take 28 Tylenol every 15 minutes. And again, it holds a handful of them out there.
1:29:29🔗
Drew
Yeah, it's ridiculous. They're equating pharmacology with effectiveness and it doesn't make sense.
1:29:47🔗
Caller
I was raped about a month ago and I don't know how to tell my mom. The reason why is because when I was a child I was severely molested nearly every day for about six years straight and I told her and she went into a deep depression and tried to commit suicide.
1:30:08🔗
Adam
Oh yeah. I've been raped in Vegas a few times too. You know, I got like a 19 and the dealer's got 16 and they have to hit.
1:30:30🔗
Caller
Because there's a lot of problems with my mom and not knowing who my real father is and everything. So at the time, my godfather was the one who was there for her.
1:30:56🔗
Caller
Um, I was waiting for a friend to come get me. And they showed up late, and this guy grabbed me, and I don't even know where he took me.
1:31:18🔗
Caller
Uh-huh. And he just left me there. Thank God. I mean, I'm so scared, like, for my life and everything, but...
1:31:29🔗
Caller
Yeah, he just left. And luckily, because I was... I know Vegas really well, I was able to get back to busy streets and find my way back to my friend's house, but I never said anything. I just told him that I got lost.
1:31:46🔗
Adam
Wow. Oh, boy. Well, Shannon, we know from doing this show that when someone gets victimized for a long time early on in life, somehow victimizers then sniff them out later on in life, and I'm sure that's what happened to you. Now, your mom is a real piece of work here, and your problem is, is you're shouldering a lot of burdens here. You have your step... What your step, I should say, Godfather did to you, then you have, you know, you don't want to tell her about this guy, and your mom is so precariously balanced emotionally that you're scared to treat her like a mom.
1:32:19🔗
Drew
Like an adult, right, but she's not going to be of much use to her either if she does tell her.
1:32:25🔗
David Alan Grier
Yeah, I don't really... I think what she needs to do is go to a doctor, get checked out, find out if you're pregnant, worry about telling your mom later. What you first need to do is worry about yourself and your health.
1:32:39🔗
Adam
Shannon, you have to get some therapy, you have to get with a group, you have to talk to people, otherwise this stuff's going to keep happening.
1:32:46🔗
Caller
Well, actually, it's fine that you said that though because I just recently, three months ago, was my last therapy session for the last thing that went on for six years.
1:33:07🔗
Adam
Shannon, I've said this a bunch of times. Here's what happened to me in my childhood. My dad missed a couple of Pop Warner football games. I've been in therapy for seven years. Tell that brother. Still need another seven. Do you know what I'm saying? If I'd been molested as many times as you had, I'd probably move in and just have all my meals sent to the therapist's office.
1:33:30🔗
Adam
Well, there you go. Shannon, you need to get involved with groups. You need to talk to counselors. You need to get back to that. Absolutely. And you need to get yourself checked out at the doctor because of what happened. All right. We'll be back after this.
1:34:15🔗
David Alan Grier
I said let's take the next caller. I'm not done. Jill, you're 19. What's your problem? Jill, we lost her. Hit that button. Hit that button. Joey, Joey, you're 27. You're in prison. What's what seems to be the problem? You're having problems with your boyfriend. What? Go ahead.
1:35:13🔗
Caller
The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else. Including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.