Episode 1000754888120

0:05 Voiceover Welcome to Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

0:08 Voiceover Would you sleep with sick women?

0:10 Voiceover I may be pregnant, but I'm still a man. Spank the unruly ones.

0:14 Voiceover It's indecent, it's vulgar, it's blasphemous.

0:16 Voiceover I'm going to write you that you can't stand up.

0:18 Voiceover Come on, come on, let's go down.

0:20 Voiceover All right, all right, keep your shirt on.

0:22 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:24 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

0:27 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

0:28 Here's Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

0:33 When I tweezle, I have this magnifying mirror.

0:38 My groin hurts.

0:39 Adam Why did my groin hurt? Anytime a pain gets too excruciating, it goes right to my groin.

0:44 It doesn't hurt though.

0:45 Drew Oh, please.

0:45 It'll bleed for like two seconds and then that's it.

0:48 And then it's done and it doesn't hurt.

0:50 Drew It's not a good idea.

0:52 Do they grow back or I mean, I don't do it like every day.

0:55 Adam Oh, you better hope that wasn't the bacon taste bud. You're screwed sister. Better hope that was like the liver taste bud or the lime jello taste bud because if that's the bacon or the cheddar cheese, you're aft. Drew, do different taste buds work for different foods or they all work on the same one?

1:13 Drew They, well, no, no, there's certainly enough salties, there's enough sweets.

1:16 Oh, do they grow back though?

1:19 Drew I suppose they must unless you really injure the area or, you know, I mean, at some point it will not.

1:26 Adam Couldn't you just get a tattoo or something, Amy?

1:29 Drew Aren't you worried about getting that area infected? I mean, you're just using a tweezer. I mean, a nail clipper. Yeah. That's a much more sterile instrument. What can I say?

1:38 What is? Oh, the nail clippers?

1:40 Drew Yeah.

1:41 Adam Yeah, many doctors use that.

1:42 That's what I thought.

1:43 Adam They use that over at the Mayo Clinic.

1:44 Drew They do that when they take the appendix out, typically.

1:46 Adam They use a nail clipper and some guy will go scalpel, forceps, nail clippers, Swiss Army knife.

1:54 Drew Toe nail clippers.

1:55 Adam Toe nail clippers. All right, Amy.

1:58 So they won't go back or you don't know?

2:00 Drew I don't know. I imagine they will. But I think if you recurrently injure the area, eventually it will not.

2:08 All right.

2:09 Adam Don't monkey.

2:10 Okay.

2:10 Adam Okay.

2:11 Thank you.

2:11 Adam We've got to bring that term back. It covers everything. You know, like when dads used to say to their kids, like when they're in the garage, hey, hey, don't monkey.

2:18 Drew Don't monkey your arm.

2:19 Adam Just don't. But it got shortened to don't monkey. All right. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Facts number 310-854-4455. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. God Lives Underwater is our guest tonight. The band will be in here in about 17, 18 minutes or so. And tomorrow night we'll have Tim Meadows from Saturday Night Live interested in meeting him. Drew, you've never met the man?

2:51 Drew Never.

2:51 Adam Never watched Saturday Night Live?

2:53 Drew Not in a long time.

2:54 Okay.

2:56 Adam Not since I got rid of like Gilda Radner?

2:58 Drew No, for a couple years after that. That's about it.

3:00 Adam Okay. So anyway, the band will be in. Tim Meadows tomorrow night. And it's back to the phones. We go.

3:07 Caller Tim?

3:08 God Lives Underwater Yes.

3:08 Adam That's a coincidence. You're 19. How's it going?

3:12 Caller Good.

3:12 God Lives Underwater Okay. I have a couple of questions. The first is about my penis. When it starts to become erect, there's an area about a little short, a halfway down, maybe about a quarter down. This doesn't always happen, but it won't start becoming erect with the rest of it.

3:31 Drew Right. That's normal. Kind of like blowing up one of those long balloons. Sometimes there'll be a stretch that...

3:36 God Lives Underwater Exactly, yeah. You know, if you were to take a little ring around it, above it and below it, it will...

3:40 Drew The ring, right.

3:41 Adam Above it and below it, but not in the middle? Yeah, yeah.

3:43 God Lives Underwater It's just like a little ring around it.

3:45 Drew Adam, this is hard.

3:46 Adam It's like when you have one of those straws with the little accordion section in the middle so you can bend it toward your mouth.

3:51 Drew Yeah. You have to have a long enough balloon for this to happen. Yeah. I'm sorry, but...

3:56 Adam Yeah. I don't have that.

3:59 God Lives Underwater I've also found, too...

4:00 Adam My penis, if it was one of those balloons they were using to twist in animal art, couldn't make... It would be like the nose of the dog, but it really couldn't make a whole bunny out of it or anything.

4:14 Drew That's normal, Tim.

4:15 God Lives Underwater Okay, but I find, too, that if I grab the top and squeeze the larger portion, that it will like even out the whole thing.

4:25 Drew Practice on a long balloon and you'll see that does the same thing.

4:28 God Lives Underwater Okay, so that's...

4:29 Drew It's a function of just pressure dynamics.

4:32 Adam Hold on, Tim. When you say a quarter of the way down the penis, where does the penis begin? I mean, I'd like to straighten this out for a second, Drew. Like, you know, when I used to teach traffic school, they'd say the number one lane, and even though I taught traffic school, I couldn't figure out the number one lane was the fast lane or the slow lane. And where do you start counting from? And I guess it's left or right, but when you say a quarter, you know, a quarter of the way up the penis, are you starting from the scrotum, or do you start at the head and work your way down?

5:02 God Lives Underwater I'm talking from the base.

5:05 Adam Uh-huh, up.

5:05 God Lives Underwater The quarter closer to the base.

5:07 Adam So about a quarter of the way up.

5:09 God Lives Underwater Yeah.

5:09 Adam All right, for me, that'd be about a quarter inch, actually. Yeah. About three-eighths.

5:13 Drew Or, yeah.

5:14 Adam That's fair.

5:14 Drew Or in your case, it could be the full length.

5:16 Caller All right.

5:18 Adam All right, so Tim?

5:19 Drew Yes?

5:19 Adam You have a follow-up penis question?

5:21 God Lives Underwater No, this is not a penis-related question. But I have a history of going out with girls that I choose to be, to try to get serious with. They generally tend to be really wholesome type of girls. The girls I end up having sex with tend to be a little bit easier, I guess. And when I get...

5:49 Adam Hold on, Drew. Let's do the math here. The ones you go out with are wholesome, but the ones you nail are a little easier.

5:57 God Lives Underwater Well, there's a little bit more than that.

5:59 Adam You can't figure this one out for the life of me.

6:02 God Lives Underwater Well, there's a reason why these other girls... Well, okay. The girls I do end up trying to get things going with, like I don't have thoughts of having sex with them, like at all.

6:14 Drew The nice girls?

6:15 God Lives Underwater The nice girls, yeah. If it starts to come into my mind, I kind of put it out. And these girls, like generally, it never really gets past kissing or...

6:26 Drew Is there a way you can kind of bring it together?

6:28 Adam I'm done with this call.

6:28 Drew No, no, but we never really addressed this specifically. Is there a way we can sort of bring it together in one person?

6:33 God Lives Underwater Well, that's the thing.

6:34 Adam Maybe that's the section of his penis that doesn't want to go along.

6:39 God Lives Underwater I try to envision that, and I just don't... they don't work together so well in my mind. I mean, I see girls at the extremes. They're really easy girls, and that's all we do. And then I don't really talk to them much after that.

6:50 Adam Right. All right. Here's what's going to get you in a trouble, gents, is the categorizing of women. You know what I mean? You do that when you're younger. You get a little bit older, they're all women. You don't... I mean, they're either nuts or sane. But you get into that good girl, bad girl, nice girl, daddy's girl, slutty girl. There's a lot of that going around. I don't know why it is, but it didn't seem like when you were 18, 19, 20, even in your early 20s, women had... It was like you're making some bad movie. Some teenage movie and there was like the gang chick who rode on the back of the motorcycle. And then there was the studious one and the horn rim glasses and the ponytails. And as you get older, they just all sort of become women. I hope none of your friends got them and that's about it.

7:37 Drew Certainly a healthier way to look at people is to see them as the whole person but he still has them sort of compartmentalized, to split. And that's his issue. We'll see if we can bring it together.

7:47 Adam Nothing you can say to help.

7:49 Drew No, just that he's aware of it, that's great and that he should try to find somebody that he can sort of connect on both levels with.

7:56 Caller Bob?

7:57 Hey, how you doing?

7:58 Adam Good, you're 19. What's your question?

8:00 Caller All right, me and my friend, she's a girl. She thinks that girls live longer because they get rid of stress easier.

8:07 Drew How do they do that? How do they get rid of stress easier?

8:10 Caller I think because they cry a lot. They tell their problems to girls, guys, but I'm still not sure about that.

8:17 Adam Women live longer because, listen, here's, I'll tell you why women live longer. You ever see those movies, like, you ever turn on the arts and entertainment channel or the science fiction, the science channel or something and they show...

8:30 Caller The learning channel.

8:31 Adam What channel?

8:32 Caller The learning channel.

8:33 Adam All right, you turn on the learning channel, wise ass, and they have some footage from the NASA control room, like circa 1972, and there's a bunch of bald guys with their collars loosened and their sleeves rolled up and their chains smoking. There's about 75 guys in there who, you can see their hair falling out while they're looking at some big monitor. Not one woman in there. They're home getting a pedicure. That's why women live longer. Men stress out more, but they have more stressful jobs.

9:04 Drew Well, that's one of the theories.

9:05 Caller Or maybe because that guys don't talk about their problems enough.

9:09 Drew Yeah, I suspect that may have a little bit to do with it, but most people, nobody knows for sure, Bob, and it may just be a genetic thing, ultimately. But one of the things that epidemiologists are looking at is now with women coming into the workforce and taking on these more stressful jobs, whether or not we'll see a decline in the...

9:26 Adam I think we will. So, hey, and I was...

9:28 Drew Because now you look around the control room and mission control, you see women.

9:31 Adam Right.

9:31 Drew They're there.

9:32 Adam Getting coffee, and no. I was saying to Drew the other day, I believe it was, on some airplane somewhere, that since women...

9:40 Drew It's the only time we talk, by the way, sitting in the air.

9:42 Adam How long do women live? How much longer do women live? Eight years?

9:46 Drew Yeah, six or eight years.

9:47 Adam What's the average guy die at?

9:49 Drew I think it's like...

9:50 Adam Seventy-eight?

9:51 Drew Yeah, I think this might be up to 80 now, is it?

9:52 Adam 80?

9:53 Drew Yeah.

9:53 Adam The hell do I know? It seems too long.

9:55 Drew Maybe 78, yeah, you're right.

9:56 Adam Okay, let's say 78. Someone knows they can fax it in. Average woman's dying at 85, 86.

10:02 Drew Yeah, something like that.

10:03 Adam We gotta narrow... To me, there's a seven, eight year gap here that we gotta narrow, boys. Not only that, but most men marry women that would... I would say the average is about four or five years younger than they are. Maybe three, four, five years. So you take that three, four, five years, you tack it on to the six, seven, eight years that they're out living us and you got a nice ten, eleven years of them being widows and just spending your money. This is a horrible idea. Now, of course, the solution would be if men went ahead and married older women, but that doesn't sound like much of a plan from my perspective.

10:39 You know what it is? It's payback for us having to deliver.

10:42 Adam Of the kids? Having babies.

10:43 Drew Yeah, and by the way, I think the extended life expectancy of women is a relatively new phenomenon. I mean, women used to die at childbirth about one, one out of three or four times. I mean, it was very, very common. That's not right. It's more like about one out of eight times they would die.

10:57 Adam Okay, but they're back with a vengeance now. My point is, is we got to even it up. It should be equal. So I say we cut off all funding to breast cancer and put it all in the prostate cancer until we can even the playing field. And then when it evens...

11:10 And I see you get pregnant and deliver a child.

11:13 Adam Oh, baby, I've been trying.

11:15 Oh, yeah, that would be a sight, you big baby.

11:18 Adam It would be.

11:18 You just like curl up a little ball in the corner.

11:21 Caller Make it go away.

11:22 Adam No, no. Engineer Mike and I have been trying for a while now. All right, Ann, Ann, you don't have any kids.

11:35 Caller No.

11:36 Adam All right, so quick complainer, please.

11:38 Drew Wait till she does, though.

11:39 Caller Oh, you think I'm bad around my period.

11:43 Adam Can you imagine that? Nine-month period with Ann.

11:46 Drew Well, wait till they come, the kids. Then it's even worse.

11:50 I'm out of here then.

11:51 Adam Annie, Annie, another Annie.

11:53 Yeah.

11:54 Adam You're 22. You have any kids?

11:56 Caller No.

11:57 Adam So what's going on?

11:58 Caller Um, recently had a very crushing death in my family, okay. My mom died about a week ago. And, um, I had just started seeing this guy. And, uh, it seems like things have been going. I don't know. We have gotten, like, really, really close. And I don't, I just want to make sure it's not because I'm holding on to him to deal with.

12:22 Drew Was this an unexpected death?

12:23 Caller Very much.

12:24 Oh, boy.

12:25 Caller What happened?

12:26 Caller Um, she just, like, um, massive heart attack.

12:30 Oh, my God.

12:30 Drew Did she smoke her?

12:32 Caller Huh?

12:32 Drew Cigarettes?

12:33 Caller Pardon me?

12:34 Drew Was she a smoker?

12:34 Caller No.

12:36 Adam She had a smoke. How old was she?

12:38 Caller She was 55.

12:39 Drew Wow.

12:40 Oh, boy.

12:41 Adam And where's your dad? Was he, is he still around?

12:43 Caller Yeah.

12:44 Adam Was he with her?

12:45 Caller Yeah, we were both there.

12:47 Adam Mm. I'm so sorry. And, um, you mean you were present when she died?

12:51 Uh-huh.

12:52 Adam Would she die right there on the spot?

12:54 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

12:56 Adam What, what were you doing?

12:58 Caller Um, I was cooking dinner.

13:01 Adam Oh, my God. And she just fell over right there?

13:04 Caller Pretty much.

13:05 Adam Oh, boy. And you called the ambulances up, but it was too late?

13:09 Caller Uh-huh. Pretty much.

13:10 Adam Wow. Listen, um, there's always a tragedy, but I'll tell you, if I'm going to go, that's the way. It's just pow.

13:18 Drew Yeah.

13:19 Caller Boy.

13:20 Adam Okay. So now you're with a guy for how long before this happened?

13:24 Caller Like about two weeks. And all of a sudden things are like in, in like high gear.

13:29 Drew Do you think maybe it's that you were more emotionally open because of your emotions being so close to the surface?

13:35 I don't know.

13:36 Drew I can't tell. Can you? What difference does it make?

13:40 Huh?

13:40 Drew What difference does it make?

13:41 Caller I just don't want to hurt him or, or like see myself like weeks down the road thinking what in the world did I do?

13:48 Adam You know, is he getting weird?

13:50 No.

13:50 Drew Is he an okay guy?

13:52 No, actually he's been, he's been great.

13:55 Adam Maybe this is good.

13:57 Drew Yeah, I can't see any big downside to this. I mean, as long as you, are you talking to him about this?

14:01 Caller Well, I'm going to.

14:02 Drew Yeah, just, just stay open about it. Talk to him and just say, look, I just, you know, he has to understand this a very, very tumultuous emotional time for you. And you can't tell what you're feeling from one to the next, but that you are enjoying the relationship and you're feeling close. But in this setting, you don't know what that means.

14:18 Adam This is a nightmare, though. I have no idea how to act around people in general, but when somebody passes away, my impulse is to like...

14:27 Drew Avoid them.

14:28 Adam Yeah, well, that's the first impulse. Yeah, the second impulse, like, slap them on the back and go, come on, that's, come on, shake it off now. That's, you all right? Wanna play some ball or something? I don't know how to act.

14:41 Drew Yeah, you just told us that. You've shown us that.

14:44 Adam No, I'm horrible at these events, funerals and whatnot. Very sad. But anyway, the guy, I thought the guy was gonna freak out that she was kind of, you know, coming on, and he's not, which makes us a little suspicious of him.

15:00 Drew Yeah.

15:00 Adam I hate, I hate to say it, but I don't know, maybe this is good.

15:04 Drew Maybe it's okay.

15:05 Adam Maybe this is the kind of event that brings people together. Cheryl.

15:09 Yeah.

15:09 Adam You're 21.

15:10 Caller Yes.

15:11 Adam What's up with you?

15:12 Caller Okay. My question is, what else, besides being molested, would make a person have problems with intimacy?

15:18 Drew Well, I mean...

15:19 Adam Being born into a Western civilization.

15:23 Drew Yeah, really. Growing up in the latter part of the 20th century. And I don't think that's an overly facetious statement. I think that that's true. However, certainly on this show, we talk to people that have often experienced or survived some form of abuse. It doesn't have to be sexual abuse. It can be physical abuse, emotional abuse.

15:42 Adam Well, listen...

15:43 Drew Just improper, non-empathic handling by the people that are responsible for your development. Do people understand what I said?

15:50 Adam No. Here's what happens. You get disappointed once. It's a big disappointment. Usually mom or dad does it to you. And then you'll be damned if you're going to be disappointed again. And you can never get that close. I think that's about it in a nutshell.

16:05 Drew That or you have unfinished business with people like that. And so you'll seek out people like that to try to bring it around, make it better this time.

16:12 Adam Why? What's your boyfriend doing?

16:14 Caller I don't have a boyfriend.

16:16 Drew Did you ever have one?

16:17 Caller Not really, no.

16:18 Adam What are you doing?

16:21 Caller Not much. Just go to school.

16:25 Adam Okay. Should I try to rephrase this question? What classes you taking?

16:29 Caller Psychology classes.

16:30 Adam All right. Got to listen up then. Are you having some difficulty with some intimacy, Cheryl?

16:37 Caller Yeah.

16:37 Adam Oh, okay. There you go.

16:39 Caller I don't know. It's the guys that I like. Somehow I just won't wear myself close enough to them, but the guys that I don't really care for are the ones I'm just comfortable with.

16:51 Adam Right. Did your dad dump on you when you were a kid?

16:53 Caller No, not really, no.

16:56 Adam Who did? Nobody?

16:58 Caller No.

16:58 Adam Where is your dad?

17:00 Caller He's still around.

17:01 Adam He is?

17:01 Caller Yeah.

17:02 Adam You know him? Your mom and dad still together?

17:05 No.

17:05 Adam What time did he cut out?

17:07 Caller My mom left my dad when I was 13. Why?

17:10 Drew Why?

17:13 Caller He cheated on her a few times. All right.

17:15 Adam Well, you lived with a guy who was... Who's a cheater? Who's a cheater. And somewhere in the back of your head, about eight or nine, you're still living with a cheater. Even if he hadn't cheated yet, you're living with that guy.

17:28 Drew And that relationship, whatever was going down in that relationship affects sort of a template for your relationships.

17:34 Adam Man, it's not that this kind of stuff does irreparable damage, but it's that you saw mom get cheated on and you'll be damned if you're going to be cheated on and that's preservation. I mean, that's the way the mind works, right?

17:46 Drew One of the ways.

17:48 Adam All right. So Cheryl, you're 21, you're fine. You're taking psychology classes at the junior college? Yeah.

17:54 Drew Yeah.

17:55 Adam So go ahead. And I know it. I smell junior college. I get to. It's a it's a combination of a hemp, wet peachy folders and granola bars. Yeah. And it smells like junior college. It should really make junior college air fresheners hang from your airfield.

18:13 Drew It's like a hacky sack.

18:15 Adam Something you can kick around. All right. Cheryl, you're 21, you'll be fine. Take that psychology. Work your way up to a nice four year university.

18:24 Drew That's right. Grow a little.

18:26 Adam You're fine. That's all right. Hey, good news, everybody. You don't have to be the same at 25 as you are at 21. And you don't have to be the same at 21 or 25 as you are 30 or 32. That's the beauty of life. Although you can get worse sometimes. Rachel.

18:44 Yeah.

18:44 Adam You're 25.

18:46 Caller What's going on there, Toots?

18:48 I've had unprotected sex with a guy I know twice. And since the last time I've found out more about him and that he pretty much sleeps around quite a bit and with some particularly trashy women.

19:02 Adam That's what they're saying about you, too, Rachel, you know.

19:04 Huh?

19:05 Adam You know, they're saying that about you, too.

19:07 Well, not many people know about me and him.

19:08 Caller Oh, yeah.

19:09 Okay. But anyway, now, thinking now that there's, okay, that it was pretty dumb.

19:17 Drew Did he wear a condom? Oh, unprotected. I see. Okay.

19:21 Yeah. Thinking that that was pretty dumb, well, with anybody, but now particularly dumb with him. I'm wondering if it's best, you know, like if I got something from him, that I should go get checked out the sooner the better.

19:34 Adam Better let it fester for a few years and really take hold of your immune system.

19:37 Drew What do you think, Rachel? Come on.

19:39 Well, or I've also heard that sometimes it takes a while for some things to even show up.

19:44 Drew Yeah, some things, but other things would be detected. I mean, I think it's worthwhile to be evaluated now since you have some questions and then probably get it in six months to see if anything has turned up. And I suspect your risk is relatively low of anything serious, but better to be safe, huh?

20:01 Adam All right, Rachel. You're 25 now, right?

20:04 Drew Yeah, I think you're going to get warts or something like that. I mean, that's what you get from this kind of thing.

20:08 Adam Really? Oh yeah. Well, not necessarily.

20:10 Drew So common.

20:11 Adam Rachel, go get yourself checked out. You're 25. You ever been to the girl doctor?

20:19 Caller Oh yeah. I go like once a year so I can get pills and stuff, but I've always been healthy.

20:24 Drew OK. Get checked out now, just to be sure.

20:26 Adam You all right?

20:26 Caller OK.

20:27 Adam You got any kids?

20:28 Caller Nope.

20:28 Adam Really?

20:29 Caller Nope.

20:29 Adam OK.

20:30 Drew Do you smell anything?

20:30 Junior college?

20:33 Adam There's a faint hint of junior college coming off of you, Rachel. Did you go or did you know somebody?

20:39 Caller I went to a big four-year state university.

20:41 Adam Really? You transferred from the JC.?

20:43 Caller No. Never went to junior college.

20:44 Caller All right.

20:46 Adam They didn't teach you to put on a little condom there, huh?

20:49 Caller Well, yeah, but you know, there wasn't any around.

20:51 Adam I understand.

20:53 Drew Carry them with you.

20:54 Adam Take care of yourself.

20:55 Drew OK. Replace them when the shelf life has been exceeded.

20:58 Adam What is that shelf life?

20:59 Drew Depends where they are. I've done the glove compartment on a hot summer August. It's about a week or two.

21:05 Adam Really? Yeah.

21:06 Drew You're supposed to change it in a couple weeks. And your wallet, again, it's only supposed to be a couple weeks.

21:10 Adam Really?

21:10 Drew That's what I've heard.

21:11 Adam Every couple of weeks.

21:12 Drew Yeah.

21:13 Adam And then those things are no good?

21:14 Drew Well, not as good.

21:16 Adam Jesus Christ, I wouldn't use a condom every couple of weeks. I mean, I'd just be constantly rotating the stock in my glove box without ever using one.

21:24 Drew I know. A year is a long time.

21:30 Adam No, you put one in there, what about like under the seat of your car? Would that be good?

21:35 Drew Depends if it's middle of February in Ohio or...

21:38 Adam All right. Someone's got to start working on this.

21:40 Drew August in North Hollywood.

21:41 Adam All right. God lives under waters here. And two of the young gods are going to be in here. And then we'll bring the other two in after this.

21:51 God Lives Underwater Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191.

21:54 Caller Loveline, Love, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

21:57 We'll be right back.

21:59 Caller W-E-B-S.

22:08 Caller Not hard to swallow. We've got a frog in our throat. Lick it up. It's Loveline.

22:14 Caller W-E-B-N.

22:25 Hi, this is Rodney Dangerfield.

22:26 I'll tell you, the guys here at Loveline are the greatest.

22:28 Caller They're the best, the best in the whole world.

22:31 Caller Now, will you please untie me?

22:33 Adam Hey, a friend of mine was just asking me what guests I've hated over the years, and Rodney Dangerfield was right at the top of the list.

22:41 Drew He wasn't a bad guy, he just wasn't a good guest.

22:44 Adam He's just a big blowhard, though. And I think the industry likes him a little too much. He's really not that funny a guy, and he's a real blowhard, and he's not that great a guy, and people seem to like him a lot. So anyway, I'm going to go on record as to saying, I don't like the guy. He's an idiot. We had him on the TV show, and we said, hey, can you do about two minutes' worth of promos at the end? At the end of the TV show, you sit there, and a guy runs up to you and holds a little card, and it says, hi, we're God Lives Underwater, and watch us coming up next on Loveline. You do like two of those, and then you leave. He said, I can't do it, I got to get a haircut. Remember that? And they're like, Ms. Dangerfield, this will take about a minute. You're already sitting in the chair, we got the mic on you. We'll just hold the cue card up, and you say, hi, this is Ronnie Dangerfield, watch me next on Loveline. Not doing it, getting a haircut. Getting a haircut. What an a-hole. And we had him on and plugged his crappy movie that just completely tanked.

23:43 Drew Which he touted as brilliance ever.

23:46 Caller Tanked!

23:47 Adam And that is the kind of karma you get when you don't do ten seconds worth of promos. Alright, God Lives Underwater is here, and they're not looking for bad karma, so they know where their bread is buttered. Oh, yes, yes. First off, let me say that they're going to beat the Tower Records on Sunset tomorrow, three o'clock, for a little live action, because the record is released tomorrow.

24:11 God Lives Underwater Tomorrow.

24:12 Adam And is it released at a certain time, or is it just when the store opens?

24:18 God Lives Underwater I would imagine they got it tonight, and then it'll be coming out tomorrow.

24:21 Adam And you guys will be there playing live?

24:24 God Lives Underwater Yeah.

24:24 Adam Which is kind of cool, because you guys, I was reading the bio from, I don't know where in Pennsylvania, but it's small.

24:31 God Lives Underwater Perky-O-Mannville.

24:32 Adam Perky-O-Mannville?

24:33 God Lives Underwater Perky-O-Mannville.

24:34 Caller Really?

24:35 Drew We couldn't pronounce it, was really the problem.

24:37 Caller Yeah.

24:37 Adam And if Drew can't, Drew pronounces bizarre Latin medicines all day long, and he couldn't even take a stab at that one when he was looking at the bio. So, so it's a long way from Perky-O-Mannville, right?

24:50 Drew Pennsylvania.

24:52 Adam Long way from Penn State.

24:55 Oh, yeah. Long way.

24:56 Adam And you've always dreamt of the sunset strip and the Hollywood lights and all that?

25:01 God Lives Underwater Yeah, it's great.

25:04 Caller That's the way we feel about it.

25:06 Adam We're ready to move to Pennsylvania and do their show. So it's the first full-length-er is released tomorrow. You guys have...

25:14 God Lives Underwater We have another full-length-er before that's on a different record.

25:17 Adam Oh, really? I wasn't aware of that. It's funny. Oh, they kind of do that in small print. Whenever you switch labels, they like to say this is the first one.

25:26 God Lives Underwater They like to say this is the only significant label that we're on. Right.

25:29 Adam It's like if you had a girlfriend that had sex with 300 other guys, but this is the first time she's had sex with you, so she's a virgin. That is sort of...

25:38 God Lives Underwater She's in love.

25:38 Adam That's how record labels like to do it. But it's... How would you describe your music? That's going to be a taller...

25:48 God Lives Underwater Jeff, this one's all on you.

25:49 There you go.

25:50 Adam I don't know what to say.

25:51 Drew We use sequence...

25:53 Adam Why don't we do that? Yeah. Jeff, not that you're not an eloquent man. I'm just think, why not let the music do the talking for you? All right, this would be... I think it's the third cut on the track, and it's one we're playing out here at the Fabulous K-Rock, so if everyone else isn't playing it already, they certainly will soon. From your mouth. That would be From Your Mouth, God Lives Underwater, Andrew, David and Jeff, and Scott is in the other room, and we may rotate the stock at some point, and bring Scott through here. It's just a small studio, and we're always a little short on mics and patience. I was just talking to Andrew, and as it turns out, he grew up or lived near a town that I spent about a year in, as I recall, as a young lad. Wonderful place. That's Sea Cane, Pennsylvania. Lovely. And Cherry Hill, where I was at the Cherry Hill Mall when I was about five. I used to find a lot of stuff. I'm convinced when you're a kid, you find a lot of stuff, just like dogs find a lot of stuff, because you're walking around with your nose dragging the ground. When you're, you know, six-two now. I don't look at my feet when I walk. I found a $50 bill at the Cherry Hill Mall when I'm, it must have been 1971, $50. And I was, you know, five years old. And that was it. I don't know when I was about seven. It must have been 1969 or 70 or something. Anyway, the point is, is I was five, six years old, found a $50 bill, just a bill, no wallet, no billfold, no initials inscribed on it, just the 50 bucks. And my mom said, we'll turn it into lost and found.

32:02 Caller And I said, mom, what kind of message is this to send to a five-year-old, please?

32:07 Adam 50 bucks, we're poor, this is a lot of Tonka. That's a lot of Tonka trucks that 50 bucks would buy me right now. No, that's Matchbox and Tonka. And now we're turning it into the lost and found. I was five, I had more sense of my mom. I said, this idiot, the counter here is making three bucks a day, he's going to pocket this in a second, and who the hell is going to come in and claim $50? It was just a $50 bill that was rolled up, and it was on the floor, and plus that.

32:33 Drew You went through this entire argument.

32:34 Adam Some junkie, yes. Some junkie probably dropped it on the way to, he was pimpin too, and he's on the way to beat one of his bitches when he dropped it.

32:42 God Lives Underwater No junkie has $50 on him.

32:44 Adam Well, if you're pimpin, you've got $50 bucks.

32:46 God Lives Underwater In Jerry Hill, nobody's got $50 on him either.

32:48 Adam So my mom turns the $50 in, and I think she was trying to send a message to me, but then later on in life when we were on welfare, and I said, hey mom, why don't you get a job? And she said, I don't want to lose my welfare. It sort of destroyed all the good work that she'd done earlier with the whole mall experience and turning in the $50. But the point is, is we turn it in and you have a week, I think you wait, before whatever it is becomes yours, which was the longest week of my life. Did you get it? At five, would you let me tell the story please, Drew? No. At five, a week's a long time anyway, but when you're waiting on $50, which, and you know, I'd seen the future with the Corollas. I figured that was the most liquid I was ever going to be. I got that $50 in my hand. Someone claimed it. It was a huge black woman who was a cleaning woman who dropped it. That was like all the money she had. She went over, claimed it, showed up at the house to thank me personally and gave me a $10 reward, which I somehow had to split with my sister. And this sucks when you're a kid. You have to split everything with your sister. And $5, it's been about 25 years, my sister's in town. Do some math and some compound interest there, Drew. But it shows me several thousand dollars now. But anyway, I don't know what kind of message that was. But if you find cash, pocket it. I think that's what the message is.

34:17 Drew I'm convinced, though, that what saved you from total destruction is the fact that you weren't raised your whole life in North Hollywood.

34:22 Adam Right. I just went there after about seven or eight. So God Lives Underwater is here. They'll be in Tower Records tomorrow. And I think we're going to go to break. And then we'll all jump in on some of these calls. You guys know how the show goes, right? Yeah. You're hip to show. We lived in town for a while. Yeah. You guys had some substance abuse problems in Pennsylvania and you moved out here to talk about that. You guys are in a band. You're supposed to talk about that.

34:49 God Lives Underwater I was only mentioning that because there was a doctor in the room.

34:51 Adam Oh, sorry about that.

34:53 God Lives Underwater It understood it. Specialized in addiction consultant.

34:56 Adam So you had a couple of beers in Pennsylvania and you came out here.

34:59 God Lives Underwater That's what it was.

35:00 We heard there was no beer here.

35:01 Adam Right. It's a dry city.

35:04 God Lives Underwater You get away from beer.

35:05 Adam That's right. I got an eating disorder. I'm going to get a job at the Shakey's. All right. We'll be back with God Lives Under.

35:29 Caller We're not keeping you up, are we?

35:32 God Lives Underwater I'm pitching a tent.

35:33 Caller Oh, that's good. It's Love Line.

35:41 Caller Yeah, this is Slash from Guns N Roses and Snake Pit and et cetera, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

35:50 Adam Hey, I missed that Slash.

35:51 Drew You haven't seen him in a while.

35:52 Adam No, we haven't.

35:53 Drew Has he had any mishaps or anything?

35:56 Adam No, he may have lit himself on fire.

35:58 Drew Yeah, he's like a walking... The fire department must come around and check him out.

36:03 Adam He's like Mr. Magoo if Mr. Magoo was really stone and had long hair.

36:08 Drew And had something lit in his hand at all times.

36:10 Adam Slash has to smoke, by the way. Slash gets... I mean, he smoked in this studio, he smoked in the TV studio. I'm sure he would smoke if he was flying in the F in Hindenburg, he would get to smoke in that thing.

36:22 Drew He's smoking, like, this is like...

36:24 Adam He does a lot of smoking.

36:25 Drew He's on fire, I mean, just...

36:26 Adam Well, he was showing me the tattoo on his shoulder, which had a really cool-looking snake on his shoulder during a commercial of the show, and he was smoking, and he pulled his t-shirt up over his back to sort of pry, you know, pry his shoulder free, and the t-shirt hit the cherry of a cigarette, or I think, no, it hit the whole cigarette, and the whole cigarette fell down inside an open motorcycle boot he was wearing, and like a big woolen sock, and he went on, you know, and he's like, yeah, I want you to check this out, and it's like, they slash, hold on, let me check, slash, look at this, I had that done, slash, I think your foot's on fire. Oh, wow, he's like, What are you gonna do about that? Oh, man. He's like, no, so he started reaching for another cigarette, you know, I was like, slash, you better put the first one out.

37:18 God Lives Underwater He's like, what happened to my smoke?

37:21 Adam It's in my boot, hey, it's not bad, I'm gonna pour a little sand in there later, make a nice mobile ashtray. All right, God Lives Underwater is here tonight, they will be at Tower Records out on Sunset tomorrow at three o'clock because the album, Life in the So-Called Space Age will be released tomorrow. We're guessing earlier than three, but the band will be playing at three and until then, what'd I do, punch up Jeremy?

37:46 Drew You're fine, you're fine.

37:47 Adam Jeremy?

37:47 Oh yeah.

37:48 Adam You're 16.

37:49 Caller Oh yeah. My question is, like two months ago, I went to a strip joint and I don't know, they didn't card me or anything, I just walked right in and ever since then, almost every day, I've just thought about naked ladies and like almost every decent girl I've seen, I just pictured her naked and like just wanted to, you know, do the deed, do the deed or whatever.

38:13 Adam Good thing someone didn't sit you down and show you some gay porn.

38:16 Caller Yeah, good thing.

38:18 Imagine the residual effects of that.

38:21 Adam Every guy saw you'd have to picture naked with something in his ass.

38:26 Caller And ever since then, I've just, I've been masturbating constantly. I just wondered if this is like, like a problem or is it normal? Because my age, like, or...

38:35 Drew Why do you consider it a problem?

38:37 Caller Just because it's like unusual for me because it's only started like since I went to the strip club.

38:43 Drew This may be a whole new road for old Jeremy. This may be a new, new, new hobby for him.

38:48 Adam This may be a calling more, a hobby, like the priesthood for certain men.

38:51 Drew Yes. Adam, you might want to welcome into that.

38:56 Adam Is 18 the age for a strip joint that is not serving booze?

39:01 God Lives Underwater Oh, yeah. Depends on where you are in the country.

39:04 Adam Oh, a change around the country. But it seems ironic to me that out here, at least in California, I believe, you cannot have totally naked women and booze, right? And if you have topless women, you can have not hard liquor but just beer. But if you are at a place that was topless, you would have to be 21 to get in because they are serving beer. But you could go to a totally nude place at 18 because they are not serving alcohol. So you get to see the bottom half three years early. That is great. All right, so Jeremy, do you have a fake ID or something?

39:41 Caller No, I don't know. I just don't card me, I guess.

39:43 God Lives Underwater You just look good and get in.

39:46 Caller Ever since then, I've just dreamt of being a porno star.

39:48 Drew Oh, boy.

39:50 Caller I was wondering if-

39:51 Drew Are you serious? Are you serious?

39:53 Adam No, he's not.

39:54 Drew No, you're not serious.

39:55 Adam Jeremy.

39:56 Caller Yeah.

39:57 Adam What kind of, how big is your penis?

40:00 Caller About six and a half.

40:01 Adam Okay. Well, you're still growing, but oh yeah, he is. You'll go seven if you're lying.

40:07 God Lives Underwater You started seven.

40:09 Adam With like each beer, you had three quarters of an inch. Jeremy.

40:13 God Lives Underwater Yeah.

40:14 Adam Just relax now. You're 16. You saw a naked woman.

40:17 Caller That's what I'm asking you.

40:19 Drew You'll be all right, Jeremy. You'll be okay.

40:21 Adam How often you masturbating?

40:22 Caller About at least once a day.

40:25 Adam That's nothing.

40:26 God Lives Underwater Have fun. That's at least four times a day for the average healthy male.

40:30 God Lives Underwater There you go.

40:30 Adam Yeah, absolutely.

40:32 God Lives Underwater I had a whole pile of, never mind.

40:35 Adam Yeah.

40:37 God Lives Underwater Thanks, Drew.

40:38 Adam Andrew, how old are you?

40:39 God Lives Underwater 29.

40:40 Adam Oh, so you're not a kid.

40:42 God Lives Underwater So he's had at least a few years on Jeremy.

40:46 Adam But when you guys grew up, did you have a video cassette recorder at your house and pornography and all that?

40:53 God Lives Underwater My friend did. My friend had videos. When I was a kid, we had magazines. We found a magazine by the tree or whatever.

40:59 Adam Right. You had like a Wii and stuff like that. Weird.

41:02 Caller Sheik.

41:04 Adam Weird stuff that was, I had like an old, I used to look at those old LA, LA Reporter, LA Express. Yeah. Later named a football team after the-

41:17 God Lives Underwater They got another one called Yank.

41:18 Adam After that. Really?

41:20 God Lives Underwater Yeah. Yank.

41:20 Adam That's good.

41:21 God Lives Underwater What do you suppose they mean by that?

41:22 Adam Well, the point is, is all we had was grainy black and white things on newsprint. That your hand would turn blue.

41:29 Caller Or black.

41:30 Adam Or black and blue. Danielle.

41:31 Yes.

41:32 Adam You're 28. I mean, Danielle.

41:34 Caller Danielle.

41:34 Caller All right.

41:35 Adam What's happening there?

41:37 Caller Well, I am a bisexual and I am in my first relationship with a woman. We've been going out about eight months. And for the last couple of months, I've been sort of curious about dating other women. And the thing that makes me question all of this is that earlier this summer, my father committed suicide. And when I met my girlfriend, I was head over heels in love with her. I was like so excited about her and I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And lately, I've been like, maybe I want to date other people. So I'm not sure if it's normal for me to want to play the field. I played the field with men. I dated men.

42:24 Adam And you never, you see, you weren't bisexual up until a year ago?

42:29 Caller Yeah, I was. I was. I just had never, I had never been in a relationship with women. I had had some run-ins. I had had some, you know.

42:36 God Lives Underwater Was the bisexual stuff right after a dad died?

42:39 Adam Well, what kind of run-in? Just some kissing or something?

42:43 Caller Some kissing and some making out. No. I was about 15.

42:45 Drew So are you wondering whether your dad's passing is influencing your ability to maintain this relationship? Yeah. Is that the question? I don't know that we can answer that. I mean, I certainly, obviously it's a possibility.

42:56 Adam Why'd your dad kill himself?

42:57 Drew Yeah.

42:58 Caller Well, I don't know. What does anybody kill?

42:59 Drew Well, no, what was the nature of his mental condition? Is this a chronic thing that finally ended in a suicide?

43:05 Caller He was depressed for a long time. He was an alcoholic.

43:07 Drew Okay. So you've been dealing with...

43:08 Caller He had a bad marriage.

43:08 Right.

43:09 Drew But you've been dealing with an alcoholic, depressive for your whole life.

43:13 Caller Well, yeah.

43:14 Right.

43:14 Drew And so that's certainly that relationship is going to influence your ability to have relationships. And certainly his passing is going to influence or color the way you perceive your partner, as I suspect. But, you know, we can't really answer those sorts of very complex questions.

43:28 Adam But you might as well bounce around, because my feeling is, is when you announce you're bisexual, that is just your ticket to just screw around. I mean, you can't even be held down to a gender, for Christ's sake.

43:39 Drew Daniel, I get the sense, though, that you generally...

43:41 Adam Every bisexual person we talk to, please, every bisexual person we talk to ends up screwing around. I mean, when you say to someone, like, if I entered a relationship with you, David, and I said, I think you should know I'm bisexual, I'm basically saying, I'm going to go hump a chick, you know, may not be this week, but it's going to be soon.

43:59 God Lives Underwater Right. It doesn't mean we're going to have a relationship, and I might expect that if we break up, you may be with a woman. It means that it will happen.

44:04 Adam It's going to happen at some point. I'll get tired of your penis eventually and move on.

44:08 Drew Otherwise...

44:09 God Lives Underwater Well, not my penis. I'm sure you will not get tired of it.

44:12 Adam No.

44:13 Caller I don't agree with that. I think that I've had relationships with men and I've been happy with them and I enjoy sex with them. And just because I'm dating a woman, which I call myself a lesbian all of a sudden and deny that I ever liked men, even if I'm a nogginist for the rest of my life.

44:28 Adam Well, you're sounding like a bitter lesbian at this point. But you... What you're saying is, though, is this will come to an end. It's like going to college. Maybe you're just a freshman or a sophomore, but eventually you're going to graduate. I mean, if you're bisexual, eventually you got to hop to another sex or you're not bisexual. You must denounce your bisexuality if you plan on being in a long term relationship.

44:54 Caller I don't agree with that.

44:55 Adam Okay. All right. So me and you are in a relationship, Danielle, and you're bisexual.

45:00 Drew You have to denounce it.

45:01 Adam You've got to have sex with a woman in order to keep your status of bisexuality. Eventually, they're going to take your card away, or your golf clubs, or whatever it is they give you.

45:09 Drew All right. But Danielle, so has it always been the case that your interest in your relationships has sort of decayed with time?

45:17 Yes. Yes.

45:19 Drew And it's just happening again. I mean, there's something about your ability to sustain intimacy. It's all very much built on fantasy. When the fantasies aren't perfectly met by your partners, you sort of look for the next fantasy. And you may want to consider going to maybe ACA or Al-Anon and look into some of these co-dependency issues because there's that quality to what you're doing here, okay? And I would suggest you stay in this relationship, that you're just going to go on to the next one, let that one decay too, unless you figure out what it is that's going on that causes you to drift off at this point in a relationship, okay?

45:52 Adam Okay. All right, Danielle. Bye. Good luck. Yeah. I'm going to feel bad for her with her dad and everything, but actually the part I feel worse about is the fact that she lived with this alcoholic, depressive guy and was brought up by this guy because that's probably where the damage was done. And people get pissed off when I talk about the bisexuality, but it is your ticket to cheat. It really is. I mean, come on. Am I right, Drew? Thank you. Shut Drew's mic off.

46:20 God Lives Underwater Not to say that it's weird to be bisexual, but isn't there a lot of bisexuals that call into your show that say one of their parents killed themselves or they had a really bad childhood?

46:29 Adam I tend to believe, and Drew tends to believe, that when rough childhoods and upbringings sometimes breed a little ambivalence sexually, you're not quite sure about who you want to be with or for how long and you're certainly open to a lot of suggestions. It's sort of like, the more your parents screw with you growing up, the more you're open to other people's sexual ideas. Hey, we're going to make a porn film, but fantastic, count me in. Hey, this guy's going to put something in your butt. And it's sort of, it's like, it's degree, it's like if your parents just effed with you a little bit, it's like, okay, we want to take some pictures of you topless, we'll put on the internet, you're like, okay. But you're not going to go into the hardcore porn. But if they effed with you a ton, then you're doing a gang bang film. And your ability to sort of take on all sexual suggestions is sort of based on how many people screwed with you, I think, when you were young. That's my take.

47:29 Drew Drew? That's an interesting simplified way of stating.

47:32 Adam That's Drew for right, but I don't want to get you all that too. Okay, we're going to go to break. We're going to see how open Drew is to sexual suggestion and we'll be back.

47:41 Caller Loveline be right back in a minute.

47:44 God Lives Underwater W-E-B-N.

47:48 Man turns animal for the erotic pleasures of women.

47:52 Caller It's Loveline. All right.

47:55 Caller W-E-B-N.

48:06 Adam Andrew, Dave and Jeff are all in the studio from God Lives Underwater. And Scott, the missing member of the band is floating around somewhere in the... Oh, yeah, we got to go to a little 10-second break and then I'll get everyone on the same page, so we'll be back in 10 seconds.

48:26 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

48:31 Caller We're the G-spots on your radio dial. Loveline on 1027.

48:38 Caller W-E-B-N.

48:39 God Lives Underwater Cincinnati.

48:41 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. God Lives Underwater is the band tonight. They'll be at the Tower on Sunset tomorrow, 3 o'clock, playing live for the kids. And the record will then come out tomorrow as well. And I guess you guys will sign a few, maybe autograph a few of those.

48:59 God Lives Underwater No, we don't do that kind of stuff.

49:01 Adam You won't even put like your paw print on it or anything.

49:04 God Lives Underwater No, we'll do that kind of stuff if people actually want it.

49:07 Adam 3 o'clock. Is there anything else going on over there? Is there any other bands or they have some guy going to spin plates or something? Not that they need to be more than God Loves Underwater playing. I'm just wondering if there's is there anything I'm leaving out? That's it.

49:22 God Lives Underwater I think it's just fair enough.

49:24 Adam Hey, it's a free show, right?

49:26 God Lives Underwater That's right.

49:26 Drew All right.

49:26 Adam So screw that.

49:27 What do they want?

49:28 Drew Are we on Vibe right now?

49:31 Adam I don't know. What time's Vibe start at? Engineer Mike has got to put us on.

49:35 All right.

49:35 Adam No one knows.

49:36 Caller It's important. We never want to turn there.

49:39 Adam Oh, shut up, all you sour grapes. And can't stand us talking about anything other than this. It's kind of redundant to talk about the radio on the radio.

49:50 Caller Wow.

49:53 We can talk about TV.

49:56 Drew It's just so ridiculous to think that somebody who is listening diligently enough to care to switch on is going to then stay away from the radio.

50:04 Adam Well, once you get them hooked on that Sinbad, Drew, they never come back. Once they go to the dark side, they're never coming back.

50:11 God Lives Underwater He is funny.

50:12 Drew He plays himself pretty well.

50:14 Adam He ought to change the name to Funbad. No, yes, we did Vibe today and we had a surreal experience with Sinbad because right before we went out, Sinbad, who I've seen on TV for 10 years, but I've never, I mean, hell, I remember Sinbad when he did Star Search. Right. You know, I was cleaning carpets in 1984 and there was Sinbad. And Sinbad opens the door to our dress room and there's Sinbad. Hey, y'all, what's happening? And you never know how white you are until Drew stands next to you. Drew's like, Hello, Sinbad. What would it be like, Holmes? Sinbad's like, All right. Hey, you guys get a lot of wacky questions. I heard them all. Boy, you guys are wild. You're going to have a good time out there, right? And Drew's like, Yes, we shall. OK, y'all, well, have fun. OK. We're all standing there like a couple of statues. It was kind of surreal. But the point is that Sinbad is Sinbad is Sinbad. The Sinbad you know and love from the Vibe Show is the Sinbad you know and love in the dressing room and the one you want to move down the hall because it was weird. It was a little weird in there, wasn't it, Drew?

51:25 God Lives Underwater Yeah. GIO Nice guy.

51:27 Adam We just didn't know what to do. Because me and Drew, we don't have much of an act. We just sort of stand there.

51:33 God Lives Underwater No dance routine.

51:34 Adam GIO Yeah, I was trying to go to the phones.

51:37 God Lives Underwater Anybody have a question?

51:37 Adam GIO All right. Anyway, so we are on that tonight, but we don't know if it starts at 11 or 1130. So, let's see. What's that name? Seen?

51:49 Drew Seen?

51:50 Adam GIO Seen, you're 18.

51:51 Drew Yep.

51:52 Adam GIO What's happening?

51:54 I heard this rumor that Vizin was like a sexual stimulant deal. Like, it's supposed to be like worse than Axis C if you like drink it.

52:04 Adam Worse or better?

52:05 Drew You know, there are stimulants in there that are ephedra-like. They can be damaging, cause constriction of blood vessels, potentially high blood pressure and stroke. And if anything, they should decrease your sexual response.

52:18 Adam What if you put it in your bong? Would that stop you from getting the red eyes?

52:21 Drew No.

52:24 Adam Not a bad idea.

52:25 Drew Don't do it. Not a good idea.

52:26 Adam Not a good idea?

52:27 Drew No, this is a good idea, right?

52:29 I dig you guys' music too.

52:31 Adam Thank you.

52:33 Drew Thanks a lot.

52:34 Adam Alright, scene.

52:35 Bye.

52:35 Adam Alright, bye. So, what, is it poison?

52:39 Drew If you took enough of it, sure. I thought it was just saline solution that's there is a visine saline but there's also stuff with these vasoconstrictors in it.

52:46 Yeah.

52:46 Drew That's what makes the red go out because the vessels constrict down so you don't see them anymore.

52:50 God Lives Underwater You don't think a stroke is fun?

52:53 Yeah.

52:54 God Lives Underwater Yeah.

52:54 Adam Okay.

52:55 God Lives Underwater Grand Mal's seizure is one of my favorite time activities.

52:59 Adam Jen, you're 15. What's going on?

53:01 Caller JEN Okay, first of all, Adam, I saw you on Pictionary.

53:05 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Hey, I'll tell you, I got more feedback, not necessarily positive, but more feedback from that Pictionary gig than anything I've ever done. Hey, and you know what? They're going to rerun that whole thing. They're rerunning that whole week of Adam on Pictionary. And as a matter of fact, Wednesday, I was just told today that Wednesday, I have to get up at 6 a.m. to do a radio junket where I sit in my bathrobe and talk to radio stations around the country about what it was like to be on Pictionary and how handsome.

53:39 Drew You're soaked in an all-time low.

53:40 Adam Yes.

53:40 Drew It's meaningful stuff.

53:42 Adam Let me tell you, hey, somebody raised their hand if they wouldn't do this. Someone comes up to you and goes, I will pay you $2,000 for one afternoon of playing a parlor game. Who's not going to go for that?

53:58 God Lives Underwater I got better stuff.

53:59 Drew By the way.

53:59 Adam Two grand and you get to meet Alan Thicke. Oh, you didn't go for that?

54:03 God Lives Underwater You get to meet Alan Thicke.

54:05 Adam Come on, I had a good time. You passed on that? Don't worry. You'll be begging to do Pictionary in a year or so when I leave the show. Your career goes to ruins.

54:15 God Lives Underwater Yeah, you know, Sinbad.

54:16 Adam I'm down with Sinbad and Alan Thicke.

54:17 Drew What makes you think I'm not going with you? Tag.

54:21 Adam Wait a minute. I say we take both guys and put them together and we make Thicke bad. All right, Jen.

54:27 Caller Well, the guys in the group, you know?

54:30 Adam Yeah.

54:31 Who's the lead singer?

54:32 God Lives Underwater I'm the lead singer.

54:34 Caller Oh, I like your voice.

54:36 God Lives Underwater Have you ever heard our music?

54:37 Caller No.

54:38 God Lives Underwater How do you know it? I mean, I talk cool and all, but I sing pretty bad.

54:42 Caller No, no, I like your singing voice.

54:43 Caller It sounds cool.

54:44 God Lives Underwater Oh, so you've heard the music.

54:45 Caller All right.

54:47 God Lives Underwater I believe you. Thanks.

54:48 Caller Yeah. Are you guys coming to Northern California?

54:52 Adam End of April.

54:53 Caller Oh, OK.

54:55 Adam They are.

54:55 God Lives Underwater Can you tell the difference between my voice and Jess' voice?

54:58 Adam Are you going on a tour?

54:59 Caller Yeah, yeah.

55:01 Adam Are you going to do the whole country?

55:02 Caller Yeah, yeah.

55:04 Adam Yeah, I could imagine San Francisco will be a pretty cool place. Is that what you're talking about, Jen?

55:09 God Lives Underwater Yeah.

55:09 Adam Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.

55:10 God Lives Underwater Great American Music Hall.

55:11 God Lives Underwater Yeah, we'll be there.

55:12 Adam But then the rest of the country sucks. So you get to New York. Jen? Yeah. Start forging that ID. All right. OK.

55:21 Drew Good night.

55:22 Adam Right. Because I don't know, maybe it'll be an all ages thing. Do you guys know anything about that?

55:27 God Lives Underwater It was not all ages last time we played there.

55:29 Adam It wasn't?

55:30 Caller No.

55:31 Adam Is all ages, is that 18 or is that 21 when you...

55:34 God Lives Underwater 21 I think.

55:34 Adam Because there's boos.

55:35 Caller It's probably 18. Oh, OK.

55:37 God Lives Underwater All right.

55:38 Adam And they can perform bottomless at 18, but there'll be no boos. Paula?

55:42 Caller Yes?

55:43 Adam You're 30.

55:44 Caller Right.

55:45 Adam What's happening there?

55:46 Caller Oh, I have a question about orgasms.

55:51 Caller I know of two types that a woman can have.

55:54 Caller One is clitoral and one is...

55:56 Drew What, you've read about two types or you've experienced two types?

55:59 Caller I've experienced both. One is clitoral and one is when a man strokes your G-spot.

56:07 Adam There's one other I saw, I learned from the porn movies, there's the retinal orgasm. No, I'm mistaken, that's the guy. That's right, I'm sorry. Go ahead, Paula.

56:17 Caller I was wondering if there are any other types.

56:20 Adam Do you have something in your ass that you could tell Paula about? Is there any other spot that she's unaware of? Isn't that enough?

56:30 Drew What was the difference between the two you had?

56:32 Caller What was the difference?

56:33 Drew Yeah. Why was it so different?

56:36 Caller One was more intense than the other.

56:38 Drew All right. Well, that's...

56:39 Adam But with that one.

56:40 Drew Well, no, no. Okay, so that's just a more intense orgasm, not a different type of orgasm. Some orgasms are more intense than others. Some are just a little different quality, but it had a different experience.

56:51 Adam Which one was better for you?

56:53 God Lives Underwater The vaginal.

56:54 Adam Okay. Stick with that.

56:56 Drew Yeah, so there's that kind of stimulant.

56:58 Caller But nobody's been able to recreate it.

57:00 Drew How was it created for you the first time?

57:02 Caller With a finger.

57:04 Adam Whose finger?

57:05 Caller My man's finger.

57:07 Adam Where is it now?

57:08 Drew The finger?

57:09 Caller Yeah.

57:10 Caller I don't know.

57:11 Drew Is it still attached to the body? Is that what you mean? Pressing shirt.

57:13 Adam Well, where's your man? Because then we'll find the finger.

57:16 Caller Harlequin Lurksiders are on tour right now.

57:19 Adam Is it Metal Lurks finger? Where's your man?

57:24 He's at home.

57:25 Adam Okay.

57:26 God Lives Underwater We don't live together.

57:28 Adam Okay. Wise ass. What the hell? What am I? Creskin over here? I don't have a crystal ball. I'm 30 years old. The guy gave me an orgasm with his finger. The hell do I know where he lives? Well, why don't you go find him and get his finger?

57:41 Drew All right. Put that finger off the remote. All you know, guys, and this is my point about this whole preoccupation with the G-spot, I mean, some women have areas that can be stimulated, if you explore it and figure it out, then people have more intense orgasm. Great. Do that. But don't expect there to be some sort of wholly other experience necessarily.

58:01 Adam I just had an interesting thought. I know women enjoy, women enjoy just about everything more than they enjoy intercourse. And this is something that guys don't know a lot about. No, I mean sexually. They enjoy the oral sex, enjoy the manual manipulation with the hands. And I'm thinking about it now, that in days of yore, guys were probably pretty clumsy with their hands, because they were like Iron Smiths, and they worked on the railroad, and they stack logs, and they didn't really use their hands in any kind of intricate way. Now you got the computer. You got all these kids. You got a five-year-old son, right? He's on that computer right now.

58:38 Drew Been on it for three years.

58:39 Adam Fingers moving a mile a minute.

58:41 Drew He's fine. It's mostly the mouse finger.

58:42 Adam All right, but you got the mouse, you got the typing, then you got the joystick, you got all these little video games that they bring to school that run off batteries. Imagine your kid, Drew, by the time he's like 15, 16, what's going to be able to do with that finger? It's going to be like a Liberace on the vagina.

58:59 Drew Horrible.

59:00 Adam Right. And guys like me, you know, I work construction, so all I can do is like smack women. All I can do is like hit them with the palm of my hand. I don't know what else to do, but I don't have those fingers. Think about that, Drew, that might make a difference.

59:15 Drew Yeah, I got a few other things to think about, though.

59:17 God Lives Underwater Okay. That's why we all play keyboards.

59:19 Adam That's right.

59:20 God Lives Underwater I play guitar, so you know.

59:21 Adam I'd imagine, I'd imagine I kind of feel...

59:23 Drew Follow your logic, musicians should be the ultimate experience.

59:26 Adam Well, they should, but they're usually so stoned and drunk and stuff today.

59:29 God Lives Underwater Hey, that's not true.

59:30 Adam Well, I just meant sexually, not in real life.

59:33 Drew All right.

59:33 God Lives Underwater Well, yeah, we're stoned and drunk when we're having sex.

59:35 Adam When it comes time to be intimate. Yeah, I would think that would help. Who would you rather go out with, though? I mean, a guy who, you know, cleaned carpets or a guy who played the harpsichord?

59:44 Drew You're digging your grave even deeper.

59:46 Adam Okay.

59:46 God Lives Underwater Harpsichord, I'd go with the carpet cleaner.

59:50 Adam Lynn.

59:51 Caller Yeah, hi.

59:52 Adam You're 18.

59:53 Caller Yeah.

59:54 Drew All right. Stop.

59:55 Adam Oh, we're gambling. Oh, Drew picked up a little of the girl voice. You guys got any money?

1:00:00 God Lives Underwater I got a buck.

1:00:01 Adam Uh-uh. I'm reaching for a wallet. Oh, I got 20. Damn.

1:00:07 God Lives Underwater Oh, yeah, I do. You're paying for me, then.

1:00:09 Adam That wasn't the idea.

1:00:10 God Lives Underwater I got a one.

1:00:11 Adam Drew, you got another buck for me? I floated you a buck last, then I floated somebody a buck.

1:00:16 God Lives Underwater All right.

1:00:16 Adam Hey, I like this band. Everyone's got a dollar.

1:00:19 God Lives Underwater We like to bet.

1:00:20 Adam All right. We're going to gamble on Lynn. I have no idea what Lynn's question is, but Drew heard the little girl voice, and whenever we hear the little girl voice, there's usually trouble afoot. Although she's 18, which is not real old, she could be very petite. You never know.

1:00:34 Drew Do you have a couple more bits of information for me?

1:00:37 Adam All right. You read her question. I haven't read her question. Lynn?

1:00:40 Caller Yeah.

1:00:42 Adam What's going on with you?

1:00:43 Drew What's the question?

1:00:44 Caller Well, I just broke up with my boyfriend. We've been going together for three years. It was my first relationship, my first and only sexual. He was very mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive.

1:01:00 Caller Oh, okay. All right.

1:01:01 Adam We can gamble.

1:01:02 Drew Let's see a little more information. In what way was he abusive?

1:01:05 Caller Well, he would hit me, he would scream at me, he would tell me, you know...

1:01:10 Adam What couldn't you figure out about the abuse part?

1:01:12 Drew Well, I just...

1:01:12 Adam They took a feather duster to her and then gave her compliments?

1:01:16 Drew Go ahead. Everybody go first.

1:01:18 Adam Everybody go first?

1:01:19 Drew I'm going to go last. All right.

1:01:20 Adam I'll go first. All right. You guys now... You guys know the game is playing?

1:01:24 God Lives Underwater No.

1:01:25 Adam We're gambling. You guys were pretty quick with those bucks for not knowing how the game is playing.

1:01:29 God Lives Underwater We just love to gamble.

1:01:30 Adam Wow, yeah.

1:01:30 God Lives Underwater You just say gamble.

1:01:31 Adam You guys are impulsive. I like this. We are going to try to figure out what kind of environment that Lynn grew up in that brought her to this abusive relationship that she stayed in for three years. What was mom and papa Lynn like? And what was childhood like for her? I'll start by saying dad was abusive.

1:01:51 Drew In what way? We have a real specific.

1:01:53 Adam Yeah, we got a real specific. Dad abused mom and didn't abuse her, but abused mom. Can I say that?

1:02:03 God Lives Underwater Yep.

1:02:04 Adam Is that good?

1:02:05 Drew Just that dad was violent towards mom.

1:02:06 Adam OK, Andrew? Alcohol is a nice one.

1:02:11 God Lives Underwater I like that. I'm going to add alcohol to the mix, but I kind of bet that maybe the mom was a little abusive too.

1:02:16 Caller Oh, toward her?

1:02:18 Adam OK. David?

1:02:20 God Lives Underwater I'm going to say they were a lower middle class family, and the mother and father were very unhappy with their livelihood and abused each other verbally all the time.

1:02:29 Adam But not physically?

1:02:30 God Lives Underwater Yes.

1:02:31 Adam Becoming a little cathartic for you? Is that going on in your family?

1:02:34 God Lives Underwater Well, I think that there may be some physical things, but I think the verbal thing was going to take place.

1:02:39 Adam Very solid band here.

1:02:40 Caller That doesn't leave much for me, but parents split up, mom was alcoholic abusive.

1:02:46 Drew Everyone is the real positive.

1:02:47 Adam You're all wrong by the genius. Drew has some real good thoughts on this one.

1:02:52 Drew All this was stuff that occurred to me, so I'll go, dad.

1:02:56 Adam You didn't know. You thought when you let the techno band go first, you're in for an easy ride.

1:03:01 Drew No, I actually wanted to see if I could pick it up.

1:03:04 Adam She was kicked by a horse.

1:03:09 God Lives Underwater She couldn't find school.

1:03:12 Adam Laptop. She missed health that day.

1:03:16 God Lives Underwater The teeter-totter hit her in the head.

1:03:18 Drew Dad is the alcoholic, physically abuse it to mom, chaotic, died when she was in danger.

1:03:24 Adam Oh, died, died.

1:03:26 Drew And then some siblings, a bunch of siblings.

1:03:28 Adam Oh, Drew sees lots of channels when he does that. It's through another guy, he was really boring. Lynn.

1:03:36 Caller Yeah.

1:03:36 Adam All right, so what happened?

1:03:38 Caller Well, actually, you're all wrong. I mean.

1:03:41 Adam Don't worry, we'll get it out of you.

1:03:42 Caller So, middle class, my dad was gone, whole life.

1:03:48 Adam When did he split?

1:03:49 Caller Nothing to do with me.

1:03:50 Adam Nothing is abandoned?

1:03:52 Caller Yeah.

1:03:53 Adam Who was that? Was that Jeff with the parents split up?

1:03:56 Drew Yeah.

1:03:56 Adam All right.

1:03:57 Drew Tell us more. Did you know him at all?

1:04:00 Caller Well, I didn't know him until about 93.

1:04:04 Drew When you were a young teenager.

1:04:05 Caller When I finally met him. It seemed like he wanted to have a relationship, but then he didn't call, he didn't write. No, he didn't have nothing to do.

1:04:16 Drew How old were you when he left?

1:04:18 Caller I wasn't even born. He left when my mom was pregnant.

1:04:22 Drew What kind of relationship did your mom have after that? Did you see any other guys that she was with?

1:04:27 Caller She dated, not a whole lot. She was mainly working and taking care of me. I think she did a pretty good job.

1:04:34 Caller Okay.

1:04:38 Adam Let's see, so mom was good.

1:04:40 Caller Yeah.

1:04:40 Adam Mom didn't drink.

1:04:42 Caller No.

1:04:42 Drew And you never saw her with guys who were abusive towards her?

1:04:46 Caller No. Okay.

1:04:47 Adam And dad, as far as you know, is not a boozer.

1:04:51 Caller No, not that I know.

1:04:52 Adam He's just an abandoner.

1:04:56 Caller Just an a-hole. Right.

1:05:01 Adam Well, how was it when you reunited with him?

1:05:04 Caller Well, when I met him, we went to a restaurant, you know, he seemed really nice. He seemed like he was, you know, really excited to meet me. And then after that, nothing.

1:05:14 Adam Right. Did you guys go Dutch or did he pay?

1:05:18 Caller I don't remember.

1:05:19 Adam All right. So there's abandonment here. No one ever got hold of you before your boyfriend.

1:05:25 Caller No.

1:05:25 Adam No molestation.

1:05:26 Caller No.

1:05:27 Drew Why did you put up with the abuse?

1:05:29 Caller Well, he controlled everything I did. He threatened me if I left him. But I loved him too. But I think, I don't know, I was afraid to leave him for fear of what might happen to me.

1:05:46 Drew What might happen to you?

1:05:48 Caller Um, honestly, I was afraid that he would kill me.

1:05:52 Adam Right. But you got rid of him now.

1:05:54 Drew It's really a classic abusive wife or abusive girlfriend situation. I mean, you were a classic abused woman.

1:06:00 Adam Yeah. Although I don't know what predicated the abuse. I mean, you gotta abandon.

1:06:07 Drew You can abandon. I mean, there are always some issues, but they don't have to be overt abuse in the past for someone to get trapped in this sort of thing. I mean, you can see how women get...

1:06:14 Adam Did you watch Sinbad on Star Search?

1:06:16 Caller No.

1:06:17 Drew But you can see women get...

1:06:17 Adam I decided to go on a therapy.

1:06:18 Caller I was on Pictionary today and I saw Dr. Drew on Jenny Jones.

1:06:21 Drew Oh, my goodness. Is your day with us.

1:06:22 Adam Who was on Pictionary? You. Oh, for Christ's sake. Someone should call me. Drew was on Jenny Jones. What a disaster.

1:06:31 Caller I wanted to watch Vibe tonight, but I missed it.

1:06:32 Drew Wait a minute. Adam called Jenny Jones a disaster. How was that?

1:06:36 Caller It was good. It was a disaster. I liked it, but I listen to the show every night, and I like you guys. You're pretty cool.

1:06:42 Adam All right.

1:06:43 Drew That's a disaster.

1:06:45 Adam All right, Lynn. You're fine. I don't know what your question is.

1:06:49 Drew You got to get it. You're out of the relationship. She's compelled to reunite was the thing.

1:06:53 Adam No, stay out of this, please. Stay out of this.

1:06:55 Drew He sucked back into that old nonsense.

1:06:57 God Lives Underwater He'll never go back.

1:06:58 Adam That may be a push. Jeff, Jeff may want some money.

1:07:02 Drew Yeah, I think Jeff.

1:07:02 Adam What was Jeff's call?

1:07:04 Caller He said split.

1:07:05 Drew I want the dollar back that I let Adam, that's all.

1:07:08 Adam Come on, you cheapo. Give him the dollar, please. Give him another dollar for that. You said you said dad split early and that was around. Take the money.

1:07:19 God Lives Underwater That's good.

1:07:20 Adam Taking all your money. No, it's cool. We make a ton of money here.

1:07:24 God Lives Underwater Right.

1:07:25 God Lives Underwater Two thousand bucks.

1:07:26 Adam Two grand. You guys are rolling in it over there. Come on, you naysayers.

1:07:30 God Lives Underwater Take that two thousand to Vegas. Turn it into ten.

1:07:33 Adam That's right. That's right. And that's free money. It is.

1:07:36 God Lives Underwater That's right. See?

1:07:38 Adam You get paid to draw stick figures. You know that's free money. But waiting a lifetime for my career to get to the point where I could draw like a stick figure next to a log cabin and get two grand. Please.

1:07:49 Drew What was it?

1:07:50 Adam I don't know what it was. Well, what was my first clue, though? What was my first? I got to think of this. All right, we're going to go to break.

1:07:57 Drew It's about an elephant or something, wasn't it?

1:07:58 Adam Yes. Yes. You know what the first thing I had to draw in picture was? And I get up there. I've never drawn a thing in my life. I'm a retard when it comes to this. I'm a little nervous. I've never played the game before. I've never watched a thing. Adam Corolla, come up here. I'm standing next to Alan Thicke. He holds a little three by five card to me and goes, okay, reset the clock. And he shows it to me and it says, an elephant never forgets. Go. So I draw an elephant. I immediately draw an elephant. Never. Alan, can I just yell out the word? No. Can I write the word? No. So I start drawing an arrow to the elephant's head. Elephant yarmulke, elephant beanie, elephant titis, elephant helmet. I stand up there for what feels like about 25 minutes and then pass on to, I think it was Chris Hardwick or something like that. Anyway, God Lives Underwater is here. If you're not, we'll be back.

1:09:01 Caller The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:09:03 Caller We'll be right back.

1:09:05 Caller W-E-B-N.

1:09:15 Caller It's Loveline, only on WEDN.

1:09:25 Caller Hi, this is Shirley.

1:09:26 Caller And this is Steve. We're from Garbage, and you're listening to Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:09:32 Adam Yes, you as Andrew, David, Jeff, and now Scott are here. That is the entire band. Yes, that's the first thing I've said. God Lives Underwater. You can, well, the name of the CD, Life in the So-Called Space Age, is gonna be out tomorrow, and the band will be out tomorrow, promoting the fact that the record will be out tomorrow at Tower Sunset, 3 o'clock. I have some dates here. I'll get to those. This is places that the band's gonna be when they go out on tour.

1:10:08 Drew Oh boy, look at that schedule.

1:10:10 Adam Oh, hold on. Let's look at that. Drew and I go out for three days. We have to get on like dialysis when we come back. Let me just go through this, and we can all groan collectively. New York, they'll be April 9th, April 21st. So far, we're okay. That's Santa Ana. San Jose, the 22nd, Seattle, the 24th, the 25th of April, Portland, Eugene, Oregon. They'll be in there on the 26th. Sacramento, 27th, San Francisco, 28th, Los Angeles, 29th. Don't go to that LA show, the 29th. Their band's gonna be a mess.

1:10:50 Drew If they're surviving members.

1:10:51 Adam You guys should charge half price for that show. It's only gonna be half a cent.

1:10:54 Drew What are you saying?

1:10:55 Adam Yeah, I know how it is.

1:10:56 Caller That's just a start right there.

1:10:57 Adam You guys are gonna shoot your wad in Portland. It's gonna be all downhill from that.

1:11:00 God Lives Underwater That's just the beginning.

1:11:01 God Lives Underwater There's nothing going on in Portland.

1:11:03 God Lives Underwater You got all of May and then June.

1:11:06 Adam Couldn't imagine. Drew and I have gone out, done a couple of these college lectures, maybe four or five days, tops and ready to die. I start complaining immediately.

1:11:16 Drew Immediately.

1:11:17 Adam Before I even leave my house, the complaining begins.

1:11:19 Drew Yes.

1:11:20 Adam It doesn't end till like three days after I'm home. Nikita?

1:11:24 Caller Yeah.

1:11:24 Adam You're 20.

1:11:25 Caller Yes, I am.

1:11:26 Adam What's going on?

1:11:28 Caller My boyfriend and I went to the doctor like four months ago, and he was with me, and he, I went to go get an ultrasound because I thought I knew something was going on, and he, he was all, you know, I got my pregnancy test. I was pregnant and everything, you know, we got in the car, and he was all, no, don't even tell me, don't even tell me, you know, and I was scared to tell him, so I was like, no, I'm not, you know, I'll hide it from him for four months. He noticed me, my stomach's growing, and I'm eating more, and he, you know, he's all, are you pregnant? And I finally told him yes, and he got mad at me, and you know, that's not, that's expected, you know, but.

1:12:13 Drew What's expected? That somebody should be angry that you're pregnant?

1:12:16 Caller Yeah. Well, he's angry at me for hiding it, you know, because he, you know, I felt threatened when he said that, you know, and he, I don't know, he, he, he, one night he drank and he got all mad at me, and I tried to call him, you know, and he kept hanging up on me and saying that he did so and so and so, and they've never gotten pregnant before, you know.

1:12:37 Drew That's nice.

1:12:38 Adam He does it by the girl.

1:12:39 Drew What?

1:12:40 Adam What's he doing? He's blaming your reproductive system?

1:12:43 Drew He's alleging that he's infertile, and maybe it's somebody else.

1:12:47 Caller Makes the excuse that he's in shock.

1:12:49 Adam Oh, so, you mean, was he implying that you were cheating when he said that?

1:12:54 Caller Yeah. Oh, okay.

1:12:56 Adam Were you cheating?

1:12:57 Caller No.

1:12:58 Adam No, okay.

1:12:58 Caller No, definitely not. I love him with all my heart.

1:13:01 Adam Well, what's not to love? He's losing, he's yelling, he's denying.

1:13:07 Caller And he, after that, you know, he, you know, we haven't been making love as much, you know, and, you know, I want it all the time, you know, not all the time, but, you know, I want it. And he won't, you know, he'll still say, honey, I'm in shock, I don't know, you know, and all this other stuff.

1:13:23 Adam How long do you get to be in shock for before you get to get kicked in the nuts?

1:13:27 Drew Yeah, the shock doesn't mean anything. Is he anxious? Is he depressed? Is he angry with you? Or something else?

1:13:32 Caller Well, he hasn't told his parents yet. And I told my parents, and they...

1:13:35 Drew Have his feelings changed about you? Is he wanting to leave this relationship? And what the hell is going on here?

1:13:39 Caller No, he doesn't want to leave it.

1:13:40 Drew Well, forget the... Don't let him get away with, I'm shocked, that has no meaning.

1:13:44 Caller Yeah, exactly, I don't feel it has no meaning.

1:13:46 Adam I can see this guy, it's like 10 years down the road, the kid's in the ninth grade. Hey, can you pick him up? I can't, I'm in a state of shock.

1:13:54 Shock is the thing.

1:13:56 God Lives Underwater Did you see Jenny today? I'm shocked, I can't do anything.

1:13:59 Adam Can you attend his graduation? I can't, I'm in a state of flabbergasted.

1:14:05 Caller And he's 15 years older than me.

1:14:08 Oh, yes. Oh, geez.

1:14:11 God Lives Underwater He hasn't been shocked one time.

1:14:15 Caller But he was like, you know, I'm too old to start off kids this and that.

1:14:18 God Lives Underwater He should have thought of that, maybe.

1:14:20 Adam Too old to start. This guy's got some great logic. He's shocked that you're pregnant five months into it and he's still riding the shock train. And the other one is he's 35, he's too old.

1:14:32 Drew Which is by the way right in the age that we should be allowing pregnancy to go on. People should be allowed to be a parent around between 32 and 35.

1:14:39 Caller But I'm 20, but I act like I'm more mature though. And I don't like younger guys, you know.

1:14:47 Adam You don't like younger men?

1:14:48 Caller No, I don't.

1:14:49 Adam Right.

1:14:49 Caller Not at all.

1:14:50 Adam And why bother? Because you already got a 35-year-old that acts like he's 15. Why bother going younger?

1:14:55 Caller Yeah, sometimes I think I'm 35 and he's 20, so.

1:14:59 Adam No, I think you're 20 and he's still 15. He's 12.

1:15:02 Caller All right.

1:15:03 Adam So what is your question?

1:15:04 Caller My question is, what can I do, you know, to help him? You know, we only got till July and you know, I don't know what to do to help him get out of this mode.

1:15:14 Adam Where? I got to find me a woman like this. Where I just get to be like a colossal a-hole and they call up looking for ways to help me get involved with my kid and get more.

1:15:26 Caller You know what? I keep him in line. I tell him what I'm blunt. I tell him what I want and what I need. And I'm the one doing most of the talking and he don't.

1:15:36 Adam Right.

1:15:36 God Lives Underwater You know, because you're going to be doing the one doing most of everything it seems like.

1:15:41 Adam Yeah. Way to the diapers begin. That's when the shock really kicks in over Dr. Can't change his diaper.

1:15:47 God Lives Underwater It's too shocking.

1:15:48 Adam My towel can is shaking like a leaf. Come on, woman.

1:15:51 Caller And before then we were fighting about because he's an alco... I think he's an alcoholic at least.

1:15:56 Drew Yes, at least.

1:15:57 Caller At least he's a big alcoholic. I know this.

1:15:59 God Lives Underwater All right.

1:16:00 Caller Now.

1:16:00 Adam Why, why?

1:16:01 God Lives Underwater He's not dead on that.

1:16:03 Caller Well, he hit it from me for a while.

1:16:04 Drew Was your dad an alcoholic? Your dad? Was your dad an alcoholic?

1:16:09 Caller No. You know, I'm adopted. I have 28 people in my family.

1:16:12 Caller Oh, gosh.

1:16:13 Caller And I did all of my natural parents.

1:16:17 Adam How do you have 28 people?

1:16:19 Caller My parents adopted from all around the world and stuff.

1:16:23 Caller Sheesh.

1:16:23 God Lives Underwater Yeah.

1:16:24 Caller I have 28 brothers and sisters.

1:16:25 God Lives Underwater Oh, my God.

1:16:25 Caller We all grew up in the same house.

1:16:27 God Lives Underwater That's a lot of love, though.

1:16:28 God Lives Underwater Oh, God.

1:16:29 Caller Is that like in the south of Louisiana?

1:16:31 God Lives Underwater No.

1:16:32 Caller This is Utah.

1:16:33 God Lives Underwater Oh, boy.

1:16:34 Adam That's what I was going to say next, Utah. What was it like living in that house? I mean, did they have barracks? Was it like living on a submarine or something where you guys were stacked ten high?

1:16:43 God Lives Underwater Someone cooked, someone cleaned?

1:16:44 Caller No privacy.

1:16:48 Adam Imagine the poor boys trying to masturbate with the 30 guys in the room.

1:16:52 Caller No. My parents were abusive sometimes, but they, you know, how parents think they're not wrong all the time. They're always right and you're wrong.

1:17:00 Adam What is the impulse to adopt 29 kids and then be a little bit abusive to them?

1:17:07 Drew You know, with that many kids, how can you not be a little bit out of control sometimes?

1:17:10 Caller All the kids came with problems. Like me, I was abused when I was little. By whom? I was bounced from foster home to foster home, and I've had to go to therapy for a couple years for this, but I'm out of therapy now, and I was molested a lot by the foster people in between, and it just made me an angry child.

1:17:30 Drew This alcoholic boyfriend now is looking to be a pretty good selection for him.

1:17:34 Caller Oh, no.

1:17:35 Adam Yeah, he's quite a step up.

1:17:37 Drew He's Sir Walter Raleigh compared to...

1:17:39 Caller I don't know why we women do this. You know what I'm saying?

1:17:42 Adam Yeah, but here's what we're saying about this 35-year-old Mr. No Count Boozer. I could go into a holding tank of any court, any prison around here and scrape out a guy who was probably better on paper than this guy is. Now, it's sad that this guy happens to be the father of your child, but I'm not so sure that this guy is going to be around to raise it. Show of hands. Does it seem like the kind of guy is going to be around?

1:18:08 Drew Or that he could perpetuate the cycle of abuse that you've lived through, Nikita.

1:18:13 Caller Yeah, I've told him about it, but he doesn't understand.

1:18:15 Adam You know how they're like, here's a good idea. How about giving the kid up for adoption?

1:18:22 Caller No, you know what?

1:18:23 Drew What could happen to her though?

1:18:24 Caller I will not do that because I went through the foster homes and stuff.

1:18:28 Adam Well, why don't you just put like a 20-person limit on the family that adopts them?

1:18:35 Caller Oh God, it was hell.

1:18:36 Adam I know. Listen, I...

1:18:37 Drew You could select your own adoption parents nowadays. Yeah, you can really be really careful about that.

1:18:42 Caller I tried to call that because I can't... You can't send the papers over without the father's thing.

1:18:48 Drew Well, he's... But he probably will jump at that chance, I suppose.

1:18:51 Caller Well, I asked him about it.

1:18:52 Caller He's all, no, you know?

1:18:54 Caller But I called and I called...

1:18:55 Adam Are you sure he wasn't drunk and thought you're talking about adopting him to another family or something?

1:19:00 Caller No, he wasn't drunk. I called the lady and I told her that I was half black Indian and the father was white. And she goes, I don't know about them Negroes, you know?

1:19:09 Drew What?

1:19:09 Caller Yeah, she said that.

1:19:11 Caller And I was so offended that I just told her to go to hell.

1:19:14 Drew How bizarre is that?

1:19:16 Caller She sounded like she was from the south, the deep south.

1:19:19 Drew That is bizarre.

1:19:20 Adam Yeah, it sounds like you got some phone line into like 1952 or something.

1:19:27 Caller People are ignorant like that, just ignore them.

1:19:29 Adam Well, look at this Sinbad. He's like half something. And look at him, he's doing good.

1:19:33 Caller What's your guys' trip on Sinbad tonight?

1:19:35 Adam Hey, we're hanging with Omi, that's all. We like Sinbad.

1:19:39 Caller Fun, Funbad.

1:19:40 Caller All right.

1:19:41 Caller All right.

1:19:43 Adam That's one of my questions on my parenting guy checklist. You like Sinbad? Oh, that's trouble.

1:19:48 Caller Well, you guys are really cool on our list.

1:19:51 Caller All right.

1:19:52 Adam I would see if you could give the child up for adoption.

1:19:55 Caller Really?

1:19:56 Adam Yeah. Because you got to get on with your life. You don't want to be connected to this guy and you don't want this guy hanging around.

1:20:03 Drew And you don't want to perpetuate the cycle of abuse that you've been through. You have an opportunity to halt this. And one of the ways you can do it is by selecting a quality adoption.

1:20:11 Adam And by the way, not everybody... I mean, just because you had a bad experience with something does not mean that's the way it is. And I'll use the whole racial thing as an example. If some black guy holds you up, that doesn't mean that every black guy is going to hold you up. And it's unfair and stupid to think that way with any race or anything. And if you got bad foster parents, it is unfair to a lot of loving couples out there who would like to adopt a child to think that they're all abusive when it's really only about 50, 60 percent, right, Drew? I don't know what the numbers are. But the point is, is I would take a chance and adopt this guy. Wouldn't you figure?

1:20:55 God Lives Underwater Yeah, this guy, I mean, is not going to take responsibility for anything, obviously.

1:20:59 Adam Oh, nobody get pregnant. That is going to be my policy. All right. God lives underwater here. Drew's leaving. So we'll take a little break and he'll be back. Drew, you come back?

1:21:11 Caller Yeah.

1:21:11 Adam Okay.

1:21:11 Caller We'll be back.

1:21:12 Drew I feel so liquidy.

1:21:14 Caller Really?

1:21:19 Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:21:21 Caller W-E-B-N. Loveline, David EBN.

1:21:44 Caller Hey, this is Iggy Pop, and you're listening to Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

1:21:51 Adam Yes, you is. Hey, Ann, what is the next song that we're gonna play from God Lives Underwater?

1:21:58 Caller Rearrange.

1:21:59 Adam Rearrange? Is it rearranged or rearrange?

1:22:02 God Lives Underwater Rearrange.

1:22:03 Adam Rearrange. All right. I wanna finish off with my tirade with the group, so why don't we hear something from the CD, which will be out tomorrow, called Rearrange. Hey, that'd be God Lives Underwater. Wait, what was that called again? Re-Range? Yeah. Yes.

1:25:38 Caller Yep.

1:25:39 Adam Drew, you're into that, right? Sure. You like the techno? Is that techno?

1:25:43 Caller No.

1:25:43 Adam What is that?

1:25:44 God Lives Underwater It's technically enhanced rock music.

1:25:47 Drew I don't know what I like because I'm not a techno.

1:25:49 Adam Techno short for technically, is it?

1:25:51 Caller Electronica.

1:25:52 God Lives Underwater No, that's good. It's not electronica.

1:25:56 Adam You do all that from your bedroom?

1:25:58 God Lives Underwater Yeah, from a couple of bedrooms.

1:26:01 Adam Right. Connected by one big hall?

1:26:04 God Lives Underwater I have a satellite studio that's a few miles away from his, then we transfer disks.

1:26:10 Drew Oh my God.

1:26:10 Adam Do you have to soundproof everything and all that?

1:26:15 God Lives Underwater No.

1:26:15 Caller Our neighbors hate us though.

1:26:17 Adam They get headphones?

1:26:18 God Lives Underwater Well, I use headphones when it's late at night, but I don't have neighbors at my house. Oh, my neighbors, they don't complain, do they? My neighbors.

1:26:28 Adam Your neighbors.

1:26:29 Caller Let's talk about my neighbors.

1:26:32 God Lives Underwater My neighbors are running from the cops.

1:26:35 Adam Yeah, they're not going to call the cops.

1:26:37 Caller Too busy, right?

1:26:39 Adam Listen to this and tell me how bizarre this is. Dave, the guy I went to high school with who got thrown out of the Navy at work, is on my house. He lives in a small apartment in Santa Monica. I called the neighbors, called the cops on him because he was listening to his headphones too loud.

1:26:57 Caller Oh my God.

1:26:58 Adam Now he likes, granted, I mean he likes some pretty hardcore punk music, but how loud do you have to have your headphones up and how drunk do you have to be before somebody calls the cops and you just had the headphones on?

1:27:13 God Lives Underwater Wow. Or how enhanced is the neighbors' hearing have to be?

1:27:16 Adam Now I know this guy, he was drunk and he was playing like the Plasmatics at 15 on the stereo. But still, can you imagine that cops banging on the door and you got your headphones on?

1:27:27 God Lives Underwater He didn't notice the blood running down his ears.

1:27:29 Drew You pull the headphones out and it gets real loud and play it back in.

1:27:31 Adam I thought about that. I was asking about it. They said, no.

1:27:34 Drew Just the headphones.

1:27:35 Adam And even that, if that happened, you wouldn't call the cops if it was loud and then it all of a sudden got out of control. It would have to be prolonged before you call the cops. Man, that's loud.

1:27:46 Caller Alex.

1:27:48 God Lives Underwater Yes.

1:27:48 Adam You're 19.

1:27:49 God Lives Underwater I am, indeed.

1:27:50 Adam You're on with God Lives Underwater and Tim Meadows from Saturday Night Live will be in here tomorrow.

1:27:54 God Lives Underwater Cool.

1:27:55 God Lives Underwater What's up?

1:27:56 God Lives Underwater Well, I've been seeing a woman for about three weeks. I don't know if you can call her my girlfriend or not. But she's asking me to have a threesome with her and her daughter. She mentioned this to me yesterday and...

1:28:13 Drew How old is she?

1:28:14 God Lives Underwater She's thirty-two.

1:28:15 Drew How old is the daughter?

1:28:16 God Lives Underwater She'll be fifteen in two weeks.

1:28:18 Drew Oh, for Christ's sake.

1:28:19 God Lives Underwater That's illegal.

1:28:21 Drew Why don't you just turn tail and run from this person?

1:28:24 God Lives Underwater Well, I don't know. I mean, I see a lot of promise in the relationship.

1:28:27 Drew Oh, please.

1:28:28 Adam Sure. She may have another kid soon. You have an orgy. Unless you're in Denmark.

1:28:35 Drew Where did you meet this woman?

1:28:37 Adam At work.

1:28:38 Drew Where do you work?

1:28:39 God Lives Underwater At a casino.

1:28:40 Drew Casino. Don't go to the store.

1:28:41 Adam There's a woman like that working at a casino.

1:28:43 Drew She work at the casino or she a customer there?

1:28:45 God Lives Underwater We both work there.

1:28:46 Drew And where are you calling from?

1:28:49 God Lives Underwater Escondido.

1:28:50 Adam Oh, what do they got there? That pan poker? Whatever that nonsense is?

1:28:54 God Lives Underwater Well, they've got the casinos out on the reservations.

1:28:56 Adam Oh, they do? Yeah. Because like in the city of industry or when a Gardena, they have that they have that gambling, which is like, oh, you can gamble, but you can't play 21, but you can play pan poker? That's ridiculous, a-holes. Look, either you're gambling or you're not. You ask for brains. Please, what the hell's going on with this country?

1:29:15 Drew Alex, this is a very disturbed situation.

1:29:18 God Lives Underwater This woman wants to have sex with her own daughter.

1:29:21 Drew Think about that. Her daughter's underage.

1:29:23 God Lives Underwater She's done that before, huh?

1:29:25 God Lives Underwater Yeah, I'm sure it's happened before.

1:29:27 Drew This is as disturbed a situation as I can imagine, if it's real.

1:29:32 God Lives Underwater Well, I mean, I'm just, I'm not sure what I can do. You know, I mean, she didn't go into detail about it. I don't know exactly what she's asking.

1:29:39 Adam Have you seen her daughter?

1:29:41 God Lives Underwater Pardon?

1:29:42 Adam Have you seen her daughter?

1:29:43 God Lives Underwater Oh, yeah.

1:29:44 Adam You attracted to her?

1:29:46 God Lives Underwater I don't know if I could say attracted. I mean, she's a beautiful little girl, but, you know, keyword little girl.

1:29:53 Drew I would notify the authorities. I mean, you may be saving this young girl from, I mean, the mother, and she doesn't even deserve that title. It's a despicable person.

1:30:05 Adam But after, behind it, I think she could use the title.

1:30:09 Drew What's that?

1:30:09 God Lives Underwater Apparently, the daughter is down for it.

1:30:11 Drew I mean, it's the way it was. The daughter is not of age to decide. Look, Alex, Alex, Alex, please. The daughter is not of age to be able to understand what she is or isn't down for. And she, in fact, may have been being abused since she was three years old. Who knows? It was a mess.

1:30:24 Adam And by the way, this whole notion that people can consent to things when they grow up in such a horrible environment is ridiculous or recocculous, as we like to say. You know what I mean? I mean, she doesn't even know which way is up, this 15-year-old or this 14-year-old.

1:30:40 Drew Not with a mother like that.

1:30:42 Adam Did she proposition you in no uncertain terms? What the hell was that, Drew?

1:30:48 Drew He went off.

1:30:49 Adam Oh, well, he's getting laid. Could you imagine?

1:30:54 God Lives Underwater I don't know.

1:30:57 God Lives Underwater Maybe that mother is the authorities. She set him up.

1:31:01 Adam How many times do you want to do that before I throw something at you?

1:31:03 God Lives Underwater Are you going to be calling somebody?

1:31:05 Adam No.

1:31:05 Caller All right.

1:31:07 Adam I would steer clear of that kind of insanity. That karma don't wash off for quite some time.

1:31:14 Caller You know what I mean? Yeah.

1:31:17 Adam You are officially a victimizer. You get involved in that kind of stuff. I don't know what the hell I'd do. At least she's working at a casino.

1:31:24 Drew You do?

1:31:26 Adam I mean, you report the thing to the chief over at the casino.

1:31:33 God Lives Underwater You tell the pit boss, security.

1:31:35 Adam Who do you think they have as a greeter there? The guy who cried by the side of the road when they threw garbage out? All right. I can't understand this. Is it? You want a break now?

1:31:49 Why?

1:31:50 Caller All right.

1:31:51 Adam Mike's got something. Mike? Oh, okay.

1:31:58 Caller All right.

1:31:58 Adam We're going to go to break. I know it sounded a little cryptic, but we have our reasons and we'll be back.

1:32:07 Caller W-E-B-N. Suck on this. Loveline.

1:32:16 Caller All of my most sensitive areas were inflamed.

1:32:19 Caller Oh yeah, it's a good one.

1:32:30 Adam Hey, God Lives Underwater is here, and Life in the So-Called Space Age is the name of the CD. It will be out tomorrow on, well, it will be out everywhere, but they'll also be out at the Tower Sunset playing a live gig. Freebie, get there early, though. You want to get a good seat or a good space. Oh, yeah.

1:32:51 God Lives Underwater Playing at 4 o'clock.

1:32:52 Adam Oh, 4 o'clock? This is 3 o'clock.

1:32:55 God Lives Underwater This is 3 o'clock. Yeah, it is 3 o'clock.

1:32:57 God Lives Underwater I'd be there at 3.

1:32:58 Adam Right, better get there. Better get there now, as a matter of fact. All right, let's see if we can't shotgun through a couple of these calls. Let's find the people who have been on hold for the longest. Oh, this poor bastard's been on hold for 85 minutes. George, 22, his penis curves when it's hard.

1:33:18 Caller Yeah, poor bastard.

1:33:19 Adam Can they fix this? Yes, they can, but it involves shortening the penis, so it better really look like an effing boomerang. I mean, it better stick in your own anus. It's kind of a lot of curve before I'm going under the knife.

1:33:33 Drew It's really only important when it doesn't work right.

1:33:35 Adam All right, and it's painful. Heather, you're 15, boyfriend left her and turned her friends against her. She's at the breaking point. Yep. Listen, I got 10 seconds here. This turning friends against friends, I think it's BS. If your friends are your friends, they know you, they're going to listen to you, and if they're not, they're not. So it's a problem that solves itself, because if they're turned against you, then you don't want to hang out with them anyway. I know it sounds right, but it's true. Jenny, you're 21, been at home for 97 minutes. Yes. Some girls flirted with her because, wait, flirted with her and her boyfriend?

1:34:12 Caller No, they flirted with my boyfriend.

1:34:13 Adam Oh, okay.

1:34:14 Caller At a party the other night, at his house, and he didn't do anything about it. In fact, he went along with it, kind of, and I think that he kind of disrespected me by not stopping it from happening.

1:34:26 Adam They flirted with her? No. With you? No, with him. Sorry, I'm reading this stupid screen, it's screwing me up.

1:34:32 Caller And they came up when I was dancing with him, he called them over, like a group of them, like to dance as a group, and they came up and cut me off, like totally out of it.

1:34:40 Drew So she's wondering why he didn't stand up for her.

1:34:42 Caller Yeah.

1:34:43 Drew In the sand.

1:34:44 Adam Because these other chicks wanted to dance, right?

1:34:46 Drew I mean, that's very much.

1:34:48 Caller But I get freaky with them when we dance. I dance way better than they do.

1:34:52 Caller Oh, boy.

1:34:53 Caller She's getting jiggy with it.

1:34:54 God Lives Underwater She's going to get jiggy with it.

1:34:56 Adam All right, Jenny, you're going to have to lay the law down to this guy.

1:35:00 Caller I kind of did.

1:35:01 Caller All right.

1:35:01 Adam Well, if you lay the law down and they don't obey the law, then you move on. That's it. You tell people what you want in a relationship. And if it's within reason and they cannot comply to your demands, then you move on because you can't keep telling them. And if this guy's going to do it, imagine what this guy's doing when you're not around, by the way, getting jiggy with the sister Sleigh over there. Sledge. Sleigh, that's a better, that's a good name for a hard rock band. Raymond, you're 17.

1:35:29 Caller Yeah, I had a question for the band.

1:35:32 God Lives Underwater What?

1:35:33 Adam It's regarding the progression of their music, and we got about 30 seconds.

1:35:36 Caller Yeah, I just wanted to know how you guys felt that your music progressed from when you toured with KMFDM, because I saw you guys, and it was absolutely kicked ass, all the corn stopped. But, of course, I hate corn, but...

1:35:49 Adam All right, listen, Rambler, how does your music progress from that point?

1:35:53 God Lives Underwater Well, on that tour, unfortunately, nothing against KMFDM, because we like them, and their music is fine. But I think that we were grouped in with a band that wasn't similar to us.

1:36:07 Adam Right.

1:36:07 God Lives Underwater In fact, no bands we've ever really been on tour with, except for Floor Scene, have ever really been appropriate. And now we're headlining ourselves and going out and playing like that. And I think more people understand our music. We don't have to go on tour with bands like KMFDM.

1:36:23 Adam So you canceled the gig with Country Joe and the Fish. Uriah Heap. Uriah Heap. Oh, I just know him as the Heap. All right.

1:36:34 Drew No, no, we got to go.

1:36:35 Adam Oh, Drew, you go. Get out of here.

1:36:36 Drew No, Adam.

1:36:37 Adam Just shush up. Veronica, you're 21, married only a year and is having sexual dreams about other men.

1:36:45 Caller Yes.

1:36:46 Adam OK. Ignore those dreams. You're married now.

1:36:49 Caller OK.

1:36:49 Drew Your man isn't and your man isn't delivering something you need. He's something emotional and he needs to be more available.

1:36:55 Caller I don't blame it on the guy.

1:36:56 Adam And listen, if you're having sex with the guys you dream about, you'd be dreaming about the guy you're not having sex with right now. Sleeping next year.

1:37:02 Drew That's right.

1:37:03 Adam All right. The penis is always bigger on the other side. My grandmother used to say, All right. God lives by God lives underwater. Thank you guys very much.

1:37:13 God Lives Underwater Sure.

1:37:13 Adam I'm out of time. And until next time, it's Adam Crawford, Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:37 Caller We now return you to your highly tested, regularly scheduled programming. The following program is closed captioned for the thinking impaired.

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Monday, March 23, 1998