Episode 1000754887898

0:01 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion advised. Now, here's Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

0:14 Voiceover What are you insane?

0:29 Adam Wow, that's pretty good.

0:30 Drew And he's the nice guy I ever met.

0:32 Adam He really is a nice guy. We just, I met him for the first time at this Dodger Celebrity Baseball game, Hollywood Stars Night, as they call it. Yesterday, Drew's met him before that. Right?

0:45 Drew What, last year?

0:46 Adam Did you get him in here though, last year?

0:48 Drew I tried. We worked on it. I worked on it. But then he's coming now.

0:52 Adam All right. Well, it'll be...

0:53 Drew Must be because he knew you were just such an illustrious and active member and supportive member of his team.

0:58 Adam It'll be nice to talk to him tomorrow.

1:00 Drew Want to share about that experience?

1:02 Adam The Hollywood Stars thing?

1:03 Drew When you told your coach to kiss your ass?

1:05 Adam Well, okay. You drug it out of me, Drew. I had a tough day yesterday. Anyone who knows me knows I'm all about this sports. I really enjoy it. As a matter of fact, it's really what I grew up doing and wanting to do.

1:20 Drew You really hit a couple of good, long, you almost hit the ball out of Dodger Stadium there warming up.

1:24 Adam Oh, well, thank you, Drew. An unsolicited compliment.

1:27 Drew I did. A couple of nice hits.

1:29 Adam Yeah, let's talk about batting practice for a minute. You could see I knew my way around the plate there, right?

1:35 Drew Yeah.

1:35 Adam I was hitting the ball pretty hard, wouldn't you say?

1:37 Drew Yes, I'd say.

1:38 Adam Would you say harder than most?

1:40 Drew The guy that was pitching, was he a professional athlete?

1:44 Adam Oh, yeah, that was, I think the guy who was pitching was Willie Gault.

1:48 Drew Was Willie Gault pitching? He was impressed. He thought he wanted to keep you out there because he was having fun tossing to you.

1:52 Adam Yeah, I was swinging the bat pretty good.

1:55 Drew Yeah.

1:55 Adam Well, why not? I batted clean up on my high school team, Drew. I know where, where did you go to high school? The Little Lord Fauntleroy School for Albino Hema Felix. You guys played six and a half man baseball.

2:07 Drew But I couldn't, I couldn't keep up with that.

2:09 Adam So, but I was a decent ball player. I struck out quite a bit, but hit with a lot of power and was a pretty good outfielder. And in the years since high school played a little, you know, a couple of softball leagues, that kind of thing. But always kind of maintained the swing and the throwing arm and everything. So it was a thrill for me, especially growing up in Los Angeles, to get out to Dodger Stadium and see what I could do. And I really thought if I got the right pitch and I pulled it down the line, I might have a shot at getting it out of the park, a long shot. But I felt it was with...

2:40 Drew You got close in your batting practice.

2:42 Adam I had hit balls that far before. It was in my youth, but I was looking forward to that. So there's a lot of stars there. You know, Alan Thicke was there, and Norm MacDonald I had a nice time talking to. And who, by the way, we got to get to do the show because he came running up to me and I told him we were going to put him on the show. So let's get Norm MacDonald on the show. But Ray, who the hell? Ray Romano and lots of guys, lots of celebrities. Saw Stephen Baldwin there and a bunch of guys like that. All nice guys. Good to see those guys. And the game got started a little bit late. We were supposed to start at 11, I believe. But we started about 11.30.

3:24 Drew 11.40, something like that.

3:25 Adam We had less than an hour to play this ball game. And anyone knows, that's probably good for about three, maybe four innings. And I was pumped up about playing. I'd been there since 8.30 in the morning. I was taking batting practice. I went to the batting cage the day before. Had the smell of pine tar in the air. And I was going for the rosin bag. I was pumped up. I had my cleats on, my mitt. I was ready to go. And it sort of struck me that we had, and it takes nine guys to field a team. And we must have had 17 guys on our team. And I did the math and I realized, hey, I may not be out on that field. And I thought, well, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go up to our coach. Now, it wasn't Tommy Lasorda or anything like that. It was a guy. I don't know who the coaches were.

4:13 Drew Jelardi.

4:14 Adam Jelardi. I don't know if he's a batting coach. I don't know what his position is over there. And Drew had another guy who was a coach. I don't know where he fits in.

4:23 Drew Same guys were out last year. Nice guys.

4:25 Adam Oh, good. Now I'll never be there again. That's true. So the thing is, is these guys, well, they're not really nice guys.

4:32 Drew Your guy may have been nice. I had him last year. I had your guy last year.

4:35 Adam Didn't seem like a nice guy. He really didn't. All right. So here's here's what happens. The game's going to start in 10 minutes. And I decide, you know what I had to do? I had to go up and talk to the guy because there's some guys here like Drew. Don't mind if you play or not. Right.

4:51 Drew Couldn't care less.

4:52 Adam Couldn't care one way or the other. There's a handful of guys that are out there to sign some autographs, do a little schmooze and take a few pictures and basically wave to the crowd. But not me. I didn't want to do any of that. I just wanted to play. So I decided I better go up to my coach before the game and tell him that, hey, A, I got some game and B, I'm more than happy to hit that field. I'm looking to play today. So we got off on the wrong foot. I went up to him and I said, he was busy sort of making a lineup out. And the problem is, is he knew some guys from last year and was sort of making his lineup up. Jonathan Silverman, guys like that, you know, Stephen Baldwin, Gary Marshall, guys he knew. Corbin Bernstein, what else? Corbin's, Corbin Bernsen, right? Yeah. So I decided I better go up to him and just let him know I like to play. So I came up to him and I said, hey, coach, we haven't met before, but I'm telling you, I'm a good player and I'm really looking forward to playing. And I know there's some guys here that may not care either way, but I care. I'd like to play. And he said, listen, I'm busy. And there's guys here that I know. And he started digging into me a little bit. And I thought, oh, this is bad because I'm pissing him off now. I'm really not going to get a chance to play. And he gave some sort of half baked story about Billy Crystal one year. I didn't exactly follow it. But the point is, is he was like a mom that had been driving along the way, listening to kids, arguing in the backseat. You just come up and go, hey, could we pull over to rest stop at some point? And they bite your head off. Yeah, he was pissed off. So at the end of the thing, I realized the guy was pissed off. And I said, this sucks because now he's going to be pissed. So I said to him, Coach, listen, I'm not telling you what to do. You just do what you want to do. Take the pressure off to tell him right to hang out. And he said, no, I'll do what I got to do. Oh, and I thought, wow, that's kind of weird. And the other thing that's weird is, even though he doesn't know me, I'm probably a bigger celebrity than at least half the guys on the team, because I didn't recognize half the people. And some of the guys were like, they're like, from my mother, the car in 19 and Car 54, where are you? Which went off the air in 1959. Here's Fred Gwynn. It's like they were announcing people who haven't been on the air in least 17, 18 years. And they were naming their sitcoms from the 70s, which is kind of weird. But anyway, he didn't know me and I knew he didn't know me. And I thought I'd just go over and extend the olive branch. But he got really testy and really weird. And I thought, geez, that's kind of weird. And then I thought, hey, why is he chewing on me? Technically, I'm a celebrity. I wouldn't be here. And why is he bitching out the celebrities? I just went up to talk to him to basically tell him I wanted to play. Keep in mind, I was in ass kiss mode because I want to get out on the field. So I thought, all right, well, that's not a good thing. I hope he doesn't hold it against me. Well, sure enough, the game starts. He makes the line up and gets everyone out on the field. And I'm sitting on the bench. And for the most part, these guys are what I would call average at best with some bad, a couple of good players, a couple of medium, and the rest basically suck. If you're around sports, you just watch a guy swing a bat once or throw a ball once. You can tell if the guy knows what he's doing or not. Most of our guys were fair to poor, I would say, with the exception of maybe two or three guys. I was probably had more skills, doesn't guarantee anything, but probably better player than most of those guys.

8:39 Drew We've got that piece.

8:40 Adam You got that part. OK, well, I just want to let people size up the competition here.

8:44 Drew OK, it's getting too cathartic.

8:46 Adam OK, so what happened? So, Drew, let me get to the story here, please.

8:50 Drew You've got another story, too, we've got to tell.

8:51 Adam No, we'll get to that. We'll get to that tomorrow. So I'm sitting there on the bench, and now an inning or two has gone by, and he's starting to work some people into the game. So, Drew, would you shut that line?

9:02 Drew It was an accident.

9:03 Adam So what he does is he starts picking everyone on the bench around me, but he ain't picking me. He's putting the guy to my right, the guy to my left. Literally, I'm sitting in between two guys I was talking to the whole time. He puts this guy in, he skips me, he puts that guy in. He's starting to put everyone in, and I'm just sitting there. And I'm realizing, hey, there's about 12 minutes left because I'm looking at the big Dodger-Tron screen there, and the game's ending at 12.30. It's like 12.18 or something. And I ain't getting in this ball game. And I'm sitting there, and then we come up the bat, like, for a second to last at bat, and he's yelling for Steven Baldwin. Steven, you're up. Now I'm thinking, well, where's Steven? Steven's not around. Steven's like, I don't know, he's doing Blow in the Locker Room, or he's doing an interview with E. I don't know where Steven is, but Steven ain't around. And he's yelling, Steven, Baldwin, you're up. Get up there. So I grab a bat, and I go up to the guy, and I say, hey, it doesn't look like Steven's here. How about I hit? And he says, sit down. And I say, well, I don't think the guy's here. And he's Baldwin, where are you? I say, I don't think he's here, coach. I got a bat right here. How about I hit? He says, sit down. I said, you know, coach, Steven Baldwin, he's already hit today. He's already had a time at the plate. I've not been up yet and doesn't look like I'm going to get up. How about I hit? Sit down, he says. So I say, hey, kiss my ass. And he says, what you say? And I don't know who this guy is, but apparently he's used to people being nice to him. And I said, hey, kiss my ass. He's you want some of this? I said, I absolutely do. Bring it on. Bring it on. The guy was, I would have taken great pleasure in pummeling that guy's ass. I really would have. I really would have.

11:03 Question.

11:04 Adam Yeah.

11:04 Were the guys on the bench watching all this go on?

11:06 Adam Yes, they were. It was not a morale booster for the team. But Anne, seriously, I'm telling the story exactly how it unfurled. I've been at this goddamn Dodger Stadium since 8.15 in the morning taking batting practice. It's now 12.15, and I'm really flirting with just walking back into the showers, you know?

11:29 It seems like this guy was taking this game so seriously. It doesn't really matter who wins.

11:32 Drew They do take it seriously. They take it very seriously, as was Adam taking it, by the way. But number two...

11:37 Adam I wasn't taking the game seriously. I just wanted to play.

11:40 Drew But the thing was cut short by an hour.

11:43 Adam No, not an hour.

11:44 Drew There should have been three more innings.

11:46 Adam The game was supposed to start at 11 and it started at like 11.35 or something like that. Okay, it was cut short. But the irony of the whole thing is Baldwin, and I'm sure he'd tell you this, if he was here, didn't have a whole ton of game. Not a slouch, but I think he either struck out or grounded out his first time up. And I probably had a little more bad in me than Baldwin did. But be that as it may, I hadn't batted yet. And there were three or four guys or four or five guys on our team that hadn't been up to the plate yet. And he was having the guys who'd hit already hit again.

12:22 And they weren't good hitters.

12:23 Drew So how did you end this thing? Did you actually get face to nose with him?

12:26 Adam Yeah, we got nose to nose. And I told him he can kiss my ass. And if he thinks if he's got a problem with that, bring it on. And so he starts looking around again. And he sends Morales in, Mucho Morales. What's the guy's name? He's the guy we had on Love Line, had his own on the TV show, had his theories about AIDS and that kind of stuff. That genius. Yeah, Isai Morales, right? Who are, you know well from La Bamba, 1974 movie. Played Richie Valens' brother, you know. So he says, Valens, I mean, Morales, get in there, you know. So Morales gets in there and Morales promptly trickles one back to the pitcher that the pitcher all but underhands to the first baseman and throws him out. So I said, hey coach, nice call. That's that strategy, brother. Now he's pissed. Now he comes back at me again. I say, hey, kiss my ass and bring it on. And so he starts going a little nuts. So I went over.

13:33 Drew What did he say at that point? Get out of here.

13:35 Adam I can't remember. He was just pissed. He was really, really pissed. He was pissed like a guy. He reminded me of like, I don't know, it's like some guy had hung out with Sinatra for too long or something. You know, you say he's not used to having anyone say anything to him. But hey, this guy was a prick. I mean, I mean, I swear to God. I mean, I'm there to playing this, this celebrity game and I want to get my hairy ass in the game. All right. So I went over to the, I went over to the opposing side there and hung out with the, Jimmy Kibble and I were hanging out. Yeah. Hung out with some of the guys from Arizona Diamondbacks and all that kind of stuff. And you know, the team was a little freaked out, but I think they knew I was right. And you know, I stick by it. I really do.

14:18 Drew I'm sure it'll be the last, The story you heard about tomorrow night is how Adam discussed his masturbatory habits from national television audience at the Teen Choice Awards tonight.

14:27 Adam All right.

14:28 Drew We'll look for that on August 16th.

14:29 Adam Let's put that in the context, Drew.

14:31 Drew Tomorrow night.

14:32 Adam Okay. We're giving out the best sex scene award for Christ's sake. What do they want? All right. So that was my weekend.

14:40 Drew Okay.

14:41 Adam All right. Ready to go?

14:43 Drew Yeah.

14:45 Adam Nicholas?

14:46 Yeah.

14:46 Adam You're 17.

14:47 Caller Yeah.

14:48 Adam What's going on?

14:49 Caller Well, about three weeks, I noticed I had a hair grown out the tip of my penis, and it's actually growing out the hole in the tip. And I was wondering, do I need to get this checked out?

15:03 Drew Yeah. I imagine that can happen, but I've certainly never seen that. It's just one hair?

15:09 Caller Yeah.

15:10 Drew That's strange. It makes me wonder if there's something else going on in there that's causing the hair to grow in an abnormal place, like a wart or something like that. But be that as it may, I certainly wouldn't do anything with it yourself because yanking that out in that area not only could be terribly painful, it could get infected.

15:25 Caller Yeah. All right?

15:26 Adam Now wait a minute. Yank that thing out. What are you talking about, Drew? Drew, I have done almost what I would consider major surgery on myself over the years and have never had a problem.

15:38 Drew Would you do this?

15:39 Adam Well, I'd yank the hair out of there. Of course I would.

15:43 Caller Here's the deal. Well, the day that I had found it, I did pull it out and it grew back.

15:49 Drew Yeah. Something, something, how fast, real fast?

15:52 Caller It grew back in about four days. Yeah.

15:56 Drew Something, something may be going on in there stimulating that. So I'd have it looked at. All right. Maybe nothing. Maybe just a mole or something.

16:02 Adam Okay.

16:02 Drew But it just, it's just abnormal enough that I would have it looked at.

16:05 Adam Hold on a second. Nicholas? Are you able to look down the business end of your penis? I mean, can you shine a flashlight and take a look down there?

16:16 Drew You have to invert the urethra.

16:18 Adam Yeah, you can squeeze it off a little like one of those plastic change purses, right?

16:22 Drew Yes, yes.

16:23 Adam And you shine a flashlight. You can probably see a half inch down there on a good day.

16:27 Drew Half inch?

16:29 A quarter inch.

16:30 Adam Listen, that's, that's, that's half inch right there.

16:33 Drew I don't know what yours, you gotta trick penis.

16:36 Adam Listen.

16:36 Drew Turns inside out.

16:37 Adam This is not a science. I'm saying if I got a little pen light flashlight, held my penis up and squeezed it together a little bit, shine a light down there, I could probably see a half inch down there.

16:47 Drew Okay.

16:48 Adam Maybe three eights. I would look down there, see where it's growing from. See if you got a mole or something.

16:53 Caller I don't have any other moles or any warts on my body.

16:56 Adam All right. But you got hair growing out of your prick, Nicholas. So look down there, see what you can see.

17:02 Drew Yeah, but how does he know what he's looking at? And get it checked out. All right. Listen, I know you're the master surgeon. I understand that you've had great training. Most of it done on yourself. I understand.

17:11 Adam That's right.

17:12 Drew As with most of your life habits, but be that as it may, other people may not have those same skills.

17:17 Adam Don't you want to look down there, see where it's growing from?

17:19 Drew Your penis.

17:21 Adam Jessica.

17:23 Hi.

17:23 Adam You're 16.

17:24 Caller Yeah.

17:25 Adam What's going on?

17:26 Caller Okay. I'm going to get to this quickly. All right. I was in my friend's house and I found out she was pregnant, okay?

17:33 Drew How old is she?

17:34 Caller She's 16 too, but her boyfriend's 23.

17:37 Drew Beautiful.

17:38 Caller Yeah. And all right, well, she doesn't want the baby and there's no way in hell that she's going to tell her parents. And she's four months pregnant now and her parents still don't know, okay? And she's planning on having the baby, but I don't think baby's too healthy.

17:54 She's not like eating properly.

17:56 Caller She's planning on having the baby and her boyfriend's going to get rid of it for her.

18:00 How?

18:01 Caller It's going to kill it.

18:03 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

18:05 Drew You got to stop this somehow.

18:07 Caller I don't know. Her boyfriend found out that, I know, because he walked in while she was telling me.

18:13 Drew First of all, when she's very pregnant, how is she going to hide this?

18:20 Caller I don't know.

18:20 Drew Does she weigh 300 pounds or something?

18:22 Caller She wears really baggy clothes, but I wouldn't be surprised if her parents didn't know.

18:28 Adam How far along is she?

18:30 Drew This to me, this is the awful consequence of a world in which abortion is okay, I'm sorry to say. Because the logic is perfectly consistent, right? Well, what difference does it make if it's inside my uterus or outside? It's still my body, my thing. I do it as I please. No.

18:46 Adam Oh, no? Listen, I don't care that much. I really don't.

18:50 Drew Yeah, but.

18:51 Adam It's not that big a deal to me. I know it sounds horrible, but to me, if the kid's a day old or seven months old, no, not not a huge difference.

19:02 Caller I'm completely against all this. I'm completely against abortion, but good. But yeah, anyway, so her boyfriend found out that I know. And he said if I told anyone that he killed me, too.

19:13 Adam All right. That sounds good. Listen, I I don't think this is going to happen because she's going to give birth in the hospital. Right, Drew?

19:26 Drew Is that true?

19:28 No, no, no.

19:30 Caller When she's going to go into labor or something, she's going to call her boyfriend and he's going to take her somewhere to have the kid.

19:35 Adam No, that's not going to happen.

19:37 Drew Where is he going to take her?

19:39 I don't know.

19:39 Caller I don't know. She wouldn't. He got extremely mad. She wasn't finished telling me everything, but I haven't seen her about a week and a half.

19:47 Drew And you know that childbirth is a very dangerous potential.

19:51 Adam He's not doing this. He's not doing this. He can't. He's not going to do this.

19:56 Caller Is there somewhere I can call or something? I mean, I feel like I can exactly go to the police and be like, Yeah, I'm going to give you a hotline number.

20:05 Drew It's 1-800-843-5200. 843-5200 and get some advice about this. I don't see how you could not do something myself, although I'm certain you have to take into consideration how much risk you're putting yourself in the way of.

20:27 Adam Yeah. You think these two are going to be together in five months? Of course not. When... Of course not. No. I mean, this plan is never going to happen.

20:36 Drew Oh, I see. I mean, she'll...

20:37 Adam I'm saying it's not going to happen. She's not going to call the guy in five months. He's going to rush over and say, you're going to have your baby out in this woodshed or the old abandoned mine shaft.

20:48 Drew The problem is, both mom and baby will die then.

20:51 Adam Right. Well, I understand we have to do something. I'm just telling you, this is never going to happen. Okay.

20:58 Drew Yeah, but think of the kind of despicable...

21:00 Adam Hey, he's a horrible guy. There's no doubt about it. All right. And well, I'd love to talk to her parents. Where the hell, Drew? Who are we going to sell for? Where are we going? Karen. Karen, she's over here then, huh? Yeah. Karen?

21:14 Hi.

21:15 Adam You're 20.

21:15 Caller Yep.

21:16 Adam What's happening?

21:18 Caller Okay. Well, like last night, my boyfriend and I had sex for like one of our first times together. And he hit a spot and I like suddenly felt like numbness, like overpowering, like really like wow. And then I threw up.

21:35 Drew Where was the numbness?

21:37 Caller In like my whole body, it like went all over, but it was mainly like in my stomach area.

21:42 Adam But he hit a spot?

21:43 Caller Yeah.

21:44 Drew Okay.

21:45 Adam Where was the spot?

21:46 Caller Like inside.

21:47 Adam Okay.

21:48 Caller Yeah, but it was like, it was like, it's like, whoa.

21:50 Adam Okay. And then you threw up?

21:52 Caller And then I threw up.

21:52 Adam Fantastic. Hold on a second.

21:54 Caller Okay.

21:55 Drew Yeah.

21:55 Adam That's, it's, it's considered in many Asian cultures, Drew.

22:04 Drew Yeah.

22:04 Adam It's considered a polite society, you know what I mean?

22:07 Drew To vomit after orgasm.

22:08 Adam Vomit after orgasm. Do you know that?

22:11 Drew I'm learning things tonight.

22:12 Adam Yeah. So big cultural differences. All right, Karen, hang on. We'll get to the bottom of your vomit after this.

22:54 Drew Big discussion about that last call. Not the last one, but the one about the...

22:57 Adam Yeah. Anne's thing was it happens all the time. My thing was like it happened once five years ago.

23:04 Drew Well, regardless, it has happened, and it has to be taken seriously. It's like any other very serious threat.

23:11 Adam Well, you know, how do you take it seriously? Just tell them to call the cops, right?

23:17 Drew Well, we can't tell, yeah, call some number. We can't tell that girl to call the police because then we're putting her life in danger, theoretically. We don't know how bad of a guy this is.

23:26 Adam Well, we know he's not a great guy. He's at least average to below average, I would say. I just think the chances of this guy coming back around in five months when she's ready to give birth and taking her out to the woodshed is slim to none. It may still happen. And hey, to me, if she's going to go out to the woodshed and they're going to toss a kid in the lake, that is just Darwin at work there. I hate to sound horrible and cruel, but listen, think about it. You know what I mean? I mean, anybody, you know, I got this thing with the family. If you want to kill your parents or a few parents, you want to drown your one week old, have at it. I mean it. I really do. I don't blame the Menendez boys. I really don't.

24:17 I don't.

24:18 Adam Listen, their folks raise two people decide it'd be a good idea to shoot them. That takes care of itself, you ask me. Drew, here's my point. You got the triplets. What if 15 years from now, they'd be in their early 20s, right? 15 years from now, all of them got together and said, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna buy a shotgun, we're gonna head in the room, we're gonna blow mom and dad's head off. Wouldn't you just figure maybe you had something to do with that? Nature or nurture? Whose fault is it? Either way, it's your fault, you screwed up.

24:53 Caller Well, that would be a different situation than killing or drowning your, you know, five-day-old.

24:58 Adam That is a different situation, but...

25:00 Caller I mean, that's a horrible thing.

25:02 Adam It's not a good thing. It really isn't a good thing. I'm with you. I really don't, I don't look at it as, is night and day different than a, you know, third or second trimester abortion. That's the problem. Especially third. It's not night and day. It's worse.

25:17 Drew That's why they do this sort of thing, is that they don't see any difference.

25:20 Adam No, they do it because they're idiots. What do you mean?

25:23 Drew Yeah, but that's what allows them to, that logic.

25:26 Adam Well, hold on. I'm going to use your logic. Let's just say that the fact that abortions are legal and used quite often in this country, according to your logic, opens the door to this kind of stuff. It happens twice a year. Is that a big door opening? Do you think if it had any discernible effect on this, it would happen 500 times a year?

25:49 Drew I don't know what the data is. You hear about it in the press once a year. I don't know what the actual data is.

25:53 Adam Well, you hear about it when it happens, I'm assuming.

25:55 Drew You hear about it when people are caught.

25:57 Adam Okay, let me ask you this, so Drew, don't hide behind your data. Do you think this is a problem?

26:03 Drew Yes.

26:04 Adam It's a problem. This happens quite a bit in our society.

26:07 Drew I don't know that for a fact.

26:09 Adam Of course, you don't know because you know it's not a problem. This is not a problem.

26:15 Drew You know, I'm reluctant to say it is because most of my impression comes from the press and I know that's the wrong way to get an impression.

26:22 Adam No, it happens. People kill their two-year-olds, they kill their six-month-olds, they do this all the time. But these, I would argue, are screwed up people. And these people are going to do screwed up people are going to do screwed up things regardless of what's legal and what's not legal. I'm just saying there's millions upon millions of people who don't kill their infants even though abortion is legal and two out of every 200 million do something. You can't chalk that up to.

26:53 Drew Let's get the calls.

26:55 Adam We'll make another point. Thank you very much. Karen?

26:58 Caller Hi.

26:58 Adam You're 20.

26:59 Caller Yes.

27:00 Drew This was the vomit after.

27:02 Adam Orgasm.

27:02 Drew Did you have an orgasm?

27:04 Caller I think that was one.

27:06 Drew You just had something that felt good and you became numb all over your body?

27:10 Caller Just like in that region and then like my stomach and my legs kind of just tensed up and then went real numb, like real relaxed. I mean, I hadn't experienced that before.

27:22 Adam I got a theory. Don't you think she just had that hyperventilated?

27:27 Drew Yeah, something like that. That's what I'm trying to figure out. There's a couple of things that occur to you. One is that there's something like an infection or something that he is causing to break loose or pressing on causing some sort of disturbance of the autonomic nervous system. Or whatever he did stimulated caused her heart rate to slow down. And so she sort of almost went unconscious. Or this is just her first orgasm and she hyperventilated.

27:53 Adam Let me do even a little more legwork. He pumped 14 wine coolers into her in order to get her in the jacuzzi. And that didn't help matters either. Karen?

28:04 Caller No.

28:04 Adam Did you have anything to drink?

28:06 Caller No, I did not.

28:07 Adam Nothing?

28:07 Caller Nothing.

28:08 Adam No, I didn't smoke any weed, do any coke, nothing?

28:11 Caller No, I don't do any of that stuff.

28:12 Drew Were you dizzy or anything when this happened? How long after the event did you vomit?

28:17 Caller Um, probably about maybe 10, 15 seconds.

28:21 Drew So almost immediately.

28:22 Adam Have you had other orgasms?

28:26 Caller If I did, I didn't know.

28:27 Drew Do you have pelvic exams regularly? And everything's okay? Yeah. All right. What do you do for your next one?

28:33 Caller Actually, I just had one about two weeks ago.

28:35 Adam All right.

28:36 Drew So it is something about the intensive experience you had. Maybe you didn't hyperventilate.

28:41 Adam I'm guessing she just hyperventilated, got excited.

28:43 Drew Yeah, yeah.

28:44 Adam Once in a while, you throw up anyway.

28:47 Drew What do you mean?

28:49 Adam I just mean, maybe it's not always necessarily connected to what exactly what was going on. Maybe you weren't in such a good way, and then you got in a car and you started driving and that put you over the edge.

28:59 Drew Ten seconds after her orgasm.

29:01 Adam Well, I'm saying.

29:02 Drew Was she driving?

29:03 Adam No, no. I'm saying, here's what I'm saying.

29:06 Caller Yeah.

29:07 Adam Maybe she wouldn't have thrown up if she was just lying there in bed watching TV, but maybe she was a little bit closer to it because of something she ate or what have you anyway, and then she started hyperventilating and then kapow.

29:19 Caller Kapow.

29:20 Adam Justin.

29:21 Caller Yeah. Kabong.

29:22 Adam Kabong, you're 16.

29:24 Caller Yeah.

29:25 Adam Remember L. Kabong?

29:26 Drew Oh, yeah.

29:26 Adam He was Quicks, Quicks draw McGraw, hit you on the head with the guitar.

29:30 Drew Quicks draws other ego.

29:32 Adam Yeah. Boy, that was funny to me. I really loved that one. I was like a kid.

29:36 Kabong.

29:38 Adam Justin. Yeah. Yeah. You're too young to remember L. Kabong.

29:41 Drew No, he's still on Cartoon Network. He's on Cartoon Network alive and well.

29:44 Adam Oh, really? I gotta watch that. All right. What's going on there?

29:49 Well, this is more of a question for Adam. I was over at a party with my friend, Richard, and me and my girlfriend were getting it on, you know, we go into his room and we say it was cool and all. We started making out, right? And right before we got in bed, I had to go to the bathroom. So I said, chill out real quick. I went to the bathroom, right? I was coming back out, it was all ready. She's in bed with my friend, my best friend, who I've been friends with for like three years.

30:16 Adam Perfectly normal and perfectly healthy, right, Drew? He went to the bathroom for a minute? He got home?

30:23 It was like a minute. He walked in, took off his clothes like Superman and jumped in bed with her.

30:29 Drew At his house?

30:31 No, it's not at his house. This is my friend. I don't want to give his name off, though. This is my friend Rich's house.

30:38 Adam Yeah. I think you were saying it was at Richard's house?

30:41 Drew Richard's.

30:42 Adam Yeah. Yeah, okay. You're pretty good about, hey, don't go to work for the government.

30:47 Drew Rich, the guy that got in with your girlfriend?

30:50 Caller No.

30:50 Adam That was a friend's house. His name is not going to give out.

30:52 Caller Yeah. It was at my friend's house, but my best friend was there.

30:55 Adam Right.

30:55 Caller He walked in and just did it right there.

30:58 Adam He just had...

30:58 Caller He was like really drunk and she was really drunk.

31:00 Adam He had sex with her right there.

31:01 Caller Yeah. And when I went walking there, I couldn't even take it. I just took off out the door and just left.

31:07 Adam Hold on a second.

31:08 Drew Why don't I believe this?

31:09 Adam I don't believe it at all.

31:10 Drew Not at all.

31:11 Adam I just don't believe it.

31:13 Drew It just doesn't fit for you. It just doesn't... I don't feel anything for the guy.

31:15 Adam Well, not only I don't feel anything, but mathematically, it doesn't sound right. Me and my girlfriend, we're getting it on. We're about to get it on. I got to go use the bathroom, so I get up, walk to the bathroom, take a quick leak. 80 seconds later, I open the door. He's naked. He's on top of her. He's going at her. And I watch for a while, then I just leave.

31:41 Drew That's not the way these things happen, Justin. Nice try.

31:43 Adam Yeah. Well, I don't know. Let's just say it did. All right. Don't talk to the guy. Don't talk to the girl.

31:51 Drew That's it. We have to talk about the kinds of choices he makes, but that's that.

31:55 Adam Right. Okay. Now, if there's an hour and a half in between the time you went to go to the bathroom and came back, you passed out in the tub or something. I could see that. Either way doesn't matter. She's not your girlfriend anymore. He's not your best friend anymore. Carrie.

32:10 Yeah.

32:10 Adam You're 17.

32:12 Caller Okay.

32:13 Caller Okay.

32:14 Caller My brother-in-law just went in to rehab recently and he's also like my dad.

32:20 Drew What?

32:21 Caller Okay. The beginning of, or sorry, last September, I moved in to my sister and her husband's house and, cause me and my dad don't get along at all. And he, my dad lives with my other sister. So, well, my brother has been like a crackhead since he's 13. And he went, he just recently went into rehab. He's been in and out of rehab. But now he's in like the one in Pennsylvania.

32:51 Drew Your brother or your brother-in-law?

32:53 Caller My brother-in-law.

32:54 Drew Has been on crack since he was 13.

32:55 Caller Yeah.

32:56 Drew Is your dad an alcoholic?

32:57 Caller Yeah.

32:58 Drew Surprise.

32:59 Caller My whole family is screwed. So, I don't know.

33:05 Caller It's like my sister won't tell me anything. I was at the beach when it happened.

33:10 Drew When what happened?

33:10 Caller When he left. I mean, sometimes he'll leave for like a week at a time.

33:15 Drew Well, he's been a crack addict for 10 years, right?

33:17 Adam Yeah.

33:17 Caller And she married him knowing this was going on, you know?

33:20 Adam I know. Because that was what the attraction was.

33:22 Drew Right.

33:23 Adam Your dad was an addict.

33:25 Caller Yeah.

33:26 Caller But it's like, he'll do it in front of me sometimes.

33:29 Caller And like, she acts like nothing goes on.

33:32 Drew Your sister is an awful raging co-dependent. So what's your question?

33:36 Caller Well, she acts like nothing happens. She acts like...

33:40 Drew Well, that's the only way she can manage what she's dealing with.

33:43 Caller Well, she says she can't help him.

33:45 Drew Well, that's true.

33:46 Adam They don't have kids, do they?

33:47 Caller Yeah, she has a son.

33:48 Drew Oh, man. All right. Here's what she has to do. Basically, are you living with them now?

33:54 Caller Yeah.

33:54 Adam Well, he's in rehab now, right?

33:56 Caller Yeah. I think he's coming home in like two weeks.

33:58 Drew Well, it's basically none of your business on one level.

34:01 Caller But the thing is, is they're like my, they're supposed to be like my kids.

34:03 Drew I understand that. So here's what should be happening. One is, she should be going to all the family sessions at his rehab unit.

34:11 Caller And she's going this weekend.

34:12 Drew Okay. You should be going too. Although she may want to go first and get involved in some things, so she feels comfortable opening up before you get there. But the point is, it's best for the patient, if all the important people in that person's life participate in the treatment. It's essential that she participate in the treatment, that she go to Al-Anon. You can do the same thing and that will help.

34:35 Adam Okay. And what's wrong with the society where we sterilize these crazy bitches? Do you know what I'm saying?

34:42 Caller You're on a rampage, Ned.

34:43 Drew Just think as the coach pissed you off.

34:44 Adam What's wrong with that? Do you agree that she should be sterilized? That these two shouldn't be having any more kids?

34:50 Drew No, he shouldn't. I don't know about her yet.

34:52 Adam All right. Let's do him then. All right. Whatever. Do you know what I'm saying?

34:57 Drew Yeah.

34:57 Adam Why do we got the government involved in everything but the good stuff?

35:01 Drew The important stuff.

35:02 Adam The important stuff. I'm on month number nine with my garage. I've got nowhere. Everyone's having crack kids. Jonathan?

35:11 Caller Yeah.

35:12 Adam You're 17.

35:13 Caller Yeah.

35:13 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Oh, we didn't talk to you. Yeah. She about to go down on a girl and you noticed boils on her thighs?

35:21 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering what it was, what kind of disease it is. It's like, you're like...

35:28 Drew Should we go to break or should I answer this?

35:30 Adam Well, hold on. I think leprosy, right, Drew? No?

35:36 Caller No.

35:37 Adam No. On her inner thighs?

35:39 Caller Yeah.

35:40 Adam Was she a big gal?

35:43 Caller No?

35:43 Adam No?

35:44 Caller Not really.

35:45 Adam You know, sometimes the thighs rub together, things get a little irritated, you know?

35:48 Caller Yeah.

35:49 Adam Could have been that.

35:51 Drew It could just be boils on her thighs. People get infected hair follicles and little cysts that can get nasty and that's the way it is. It's normal.

35:58 Adam How many did she have, Jonathan?

36:00 Caller She had a lot. There were like three big ones and a couple of small ones.

36:05 Adam And were those... This is gonna be tough because I can never talk to our listeners. But were they up high like bikini area irritation from shaving or were they down low like in the middle of her thigh?

36:23 Caller Like bikini area.

36:26 Adam I knew this would be impossible, by the way. I thought, you know what, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try to ask one of our bonehead listeners a question, but it's never gonna work. Is it up high like where the bikini area is like from shaving or is it down toward the middle of her thigh?

36:42 Caller Actually where the bikini area is.

36:43 Drew Alright, so it's just in grown hairs. It's nothing. They can get pretty infected though, so it's nothing.

36:50 Caller Okay.

36:50 Adam Alright, Jonathan.

36:51 Drew Although there is something called the molluscum contagiosum that can look like that too.

36:55 Adam That ain't it. You know what goes on with women in the bikini area?

36:59 Drew Pray tell, what goes on?

37:00 Adam I'm gonna tell everybody. The same thing that goes on with me and my beard.

37:04 Drew Your neck.

37:04 Adam My neck.

37:06 Drew Because you still have, even with that light, that laser application.

37:09 Adam Payback time for the broads. See, women, they have that silky, smooth hair on top of their head, but down below, they got the brillo. Now, I got the brillo on top and downstairs. I got the brillo everywhere, you see? And so women, when they shave that bikini line down there, if they were just shaving the hair that they got on the top of their head, for instance, if you took a woman and shaved up around her sideburn or back of her head or something, it wouldn't get that because that's the good hair. But they're shaving the brillo hair and that coarse thick, the black man's hair. And that's the hair that gets the follicles infected. And that's what I got on my neck. That's my curse. See, you guys at least got it where people don't see it. Yeah.

38:00 Caller Your head of hair feels the same as your pubic hair?

38:04 Adam It's not a whole lot different. No. Yeah. Yeah. You want to feel it? Brutal.

38:09 Drew On your head.

38:11 Adam No, I mean, like the hair that grows in on my beard is like what, you know, if I grew my beard out and we, you dropped your pan, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

38:21 Drew Let's go to break, shall we?

38:22 Adam Why is his mouth sideways? All right, we'll take a little break and we'll come back.

38:33 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back on Loveline.

38:36 Caller In just a minute or two, call 1-800-LOVE-191.

38:50 A video that keeps you up at night.

38:59 Adam All right, it is Love Line. The great Gary Marshall will be in here tomorrow night. We'll talk to him, see if I can work my way into another one of his movies, or actually into one of them.

39:10 Drew Yeah, I was going to say.

39:11 Adam Well, I meant another one of his. His, yeah, I said it right, but you know what I meant. But he's got this Julia Roberts, what the hell, Richard Gere thing coming out.

39:23 Drew He was happy with it.

39:24 Adam He was?

39:25 Drew Yeah, he said the opening was good.

39:26 Adam Oh yeah? Yeah, well, how can he go wrong? He got Julia Roberts, and I mean, in terms of box office, at least.

39:33 Drew Yeah.

39:33 Adam Still could suck, but he got Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.

39:37 Drew Right.

39:38 Adam They're redoing the kind of, yeah, what the hell is that other Pretty Woman thing? Yeah, yeah.

39:45 Drew Surprised it took this long to be redone.

39:47 Adam I don't understand, though. I'll ask Gary Marshall this, so I don't want to piss him off, but hey, if you're Julia Roberts, and you got a million, I was gonna say million, and you got a billion dollars in the bank, and you've already done Pretty Woman and all that stuff, I don't know. Why bother? That's my take. I can't wait to make some money and stay home. Regina?

40:08 Drew Regina.

40:08 Adam Yeah, it could be Regina.

40:10 No, it's Regina.

40:11 Adam All right, smart ass, what's going on?

40:14 Caller Well, I have a question regarding that one guy that called her with the warts. How do you get rid of those?

40:18 Drew The warts?

40:19 Adam No, not the warts.

40:20 Caller The little warts thingies?

40:22 Adam Yeah, not the warts, but the bikini bumps.

40:25 Caller Right.

40:26 Drew The ingrown hair?

40:27 Caller Yeah.

40:27 Drew You have waxings or epilite or something, something where you have the hair removed without a blade.

40:34 Caller Right.

40:35 Adam All right, let me give you a few tips, because for once, there's something other than life in general that I know more about Drew than. Hair? Yes, hair and the follicle and how that works, and the ingrown hairs. All right, you ready?

40:51 Caller Yeah.

40:51 Adam There's this stuff, it's called, I think, bump off. It's black guys use it down there. You work, not down there, they use it on their neck, you know? Black guys always get that ingrown hairs on their neck, same thing I got because we got the same hair. That's why the brothers dig me. I don't know if you knew that, Drew. But there's stuff called bump off. There's a whole, there's a few items that are made for this, that they have, if you go into the pharmacy or the drug store and you hit the, you just follow the scent to that Afro sheen and you'll find it. You gotta go into the section for the brothers. Okay. You get that, you put that stuff on down there. That helps you out. Also, that Oxy-10, I'm telling you, that stuff works pretty good too.

41:35 Drew What about having the hair removed?

41:37 Adam You mean like wax or something?

41:39 Drew Wax or the laser?

41:40 Adam Yeah, have the laser.

41:42 Caller Okay.

41:43 Adam Yeah. I don't know, when you wax, I don't know when it grows back, if it still does anything or not.

41:49 Caller When you wax, doesn't it like hurt?

41:51 Drew Yes. But don't those bumps hurt too?

41:53 Caller Well, yeah.

41:54 Adam No, they don't hurt.

41:55 Drew Shaving hurts, that irritation after shaving.

41:57 Caller Right, yeah, yeah, that itching part.

41:59 Drew That's how people do those waxes.

42:00 Adam All right.

42:01 God, okay.

42:02 Thank you.

42:03 Adam You're 30.

42:04 Caller Yeah.

42:04 Adam Gina, where you been? I've been in Europe or something.

42:07 Drew You don't live near the coasts by any chance.

42:09 Caller No.

42:09 Drew No.

42:10 Caller No.

42:10 Adam Yeah, you're inland, huh?

42:11 Caller Yeah.

42:12 Adam Yeah. You don't even have a swimming pool, do you?

42:14 Caller No.

42:15 Drew In the county.

42:16 Yeah.

42:17 Adam Yeah. I can tell the folks that don't spend a lot of time in a bikini. Where do you live?

42:23 I live by Modesto.

42:25 Adam Oh yeah, sure. Okay.

42:27 Okay.

42:28 Adam All right.

42:28 Thanks.

42:29 Adam That's good. Hey, listen, nothing wrong with that. No. She never has to deal with it.

42:34 Drew Right.

42:36 Adam Valerie?

42:37 Caller Hello?

42:38 Adam Hello?

42:39 Caller Hi, my mom was diagnosed with lipodystrophy.

42:44 Adam Yeah.

42:46 Caller I don't really know what it is. The doctors around here, they're not really sure. I was just wondering if Drew knew anything about it.

42:54 Drew How was it manifesting?

42:57 Caller It's just like she lost all the fat in her arms and her legs. They're real thin.

43:05 Drew Is she having motor problem where she can't propagate her limbs in space?

43:09 Caller No. She has carpal tunnel.

43:12 Drew Lipodystrophy, as I recall, some sort of inborn error of metabolism. I don't know if it's heritable. I've never seen a case. It's a neurologic disease where, as I recall, there's a buildup of these byproducts of metabolism in the muscle and nerve.

43:29 Adam What's the lipo? Fat?

43:31 Drew Yeah, but it's lipoid dystrophy, as I remember. It's a very rare condition. I guess an error of fat metabolism, perhaps.

43:40 Caller Do you know if it's treatable?

43:43 Drew You know what? You're asking the wrong guy. I've never seen a case of this. I've certainly heard the name. I was studying at a second-year medical school, and that's the last time I saw it. So I'm sorry. I don't know more than the guys around your area. I would check out the internet.

43:55 Caller OK.

43:56 Drew Let's see if we get some information about it.

43:57 Adam Yeah, that's pretty good, right?

43:59 Drew Can you do that? Valerie, can you check out the internet?

44:04 Caller My mom did when she first got it, and she didn't find a whole lot about it.

44:09 Drew Yeah, it's a pretty rare condition.

44:10 Adam Is there a college nearby, not a junior college?

44:14 Caller UC Davis.

44:15 Drew Is she going to go up there and get checked out?

44:18 Caller No.

44:18 Drew Why not?

44:20 Caller She's at the military hospital right here.

44:23 Drew And they won't let her go to the university?

44:24 Caller I don't think so.

44:26 Adam Well, if they don't seem to know anything at the military hospital, maybe she should go to UC Davis.

44:32 Caller Okay.

44:32 Drew All right, that'd be the best thing. Because this is the kind of thing that a community hospital would rarely see. Okay?

44:38 Caller Okay. All right.

44:39 Adam All right, Valerie. Good luck to you and your mom.

44:42 Caller Okay, thanks.

44:43 Adam All right. You know, I almost went to UC Davis, by the way, Drew.

44:47 Drew Really? They wanted you to play football, right?

44:49 Adam That's right. I wasn't going to, wasn't doing enough to do that though. I had a day with a carpet wand. Oh yeah. Shannon.

44:58 Hello.

44:58 Adam You're 24.

45:00 Caller I am.

45:00 Adam What's going on?

45:01 Caller I was curious how to, like as an adult, navigate dealing with my mom and all of her like emotional and relationship issues when she calls me for help.

45:09 Adam Yeah, don't talk to her. That's what I do.

45:11 Drew What's the matter with her?

45:15 Caller She's just always had like chaotic relationships, problems with men. She's dating her ex-husband.

45:22 Drew And she's still parentalizing you?

45:25 Caller Well, she expects me to be the parent.

45:27 Caller That's okay.

45:28 Caller I wasn't sure what.

45:29 Adam No, that's all right.

45:31 Drew Has it always been that way with you and her?

45:33 Caller Oh yeah.

45:33 Drew Okay. It's a very hard role for you to break out of, I'm sure, because that's been the nature of who you've grown up into is your mom's mom. But I'm sure that this has caused a great deal of discomfort for you. And probably is a lot of rage and resentment at her not being available to meet your needs when you needed them.

45:54 Caller That's strange. I was feeling all of that rage this evening, which is why I called.

45:58 Drew Yeah. And can you express any of that to your mom?

46:01 Caller I've started and I've tried. My fear is that she will take, she'll have my brother take her side.

46:08 Drew Yeah.

46:09 Caller And I will lose control, I will lose access to my needs.

46:12 Drew Okay. And not an unrealistic concern because your mom, listen, mom is mom. Mom's not going to change. Her expressing herself is not going to change what mom's all about.

46:21 Adam Listen, let me tell you how to handle this Shannon.

46:23 Caller Okay.

46:24 Adam I'm telling you, I hate to sound cold, but this is the only way you can go through life. It really is. Tell people what you want, tell them what you don't want. Explain to them. Then that's it, you cut them off. You cut them off.

46:38 Caller I'm worried about cutting her off, I'm worried about cutting my knee.

46:41 Adam Well, that's between you, your brother, and his wife. And you have to deal with that.

46:49 Drew An alternative is for you to get some therapy.

46:51 Caller I'll start that on Wednesday.

46:52 Drew Good, because you have an alternative way of getting through these feelings so you can manage them on without abandoning yourself.

46:58 Adam Well, listen, here's the deal, too. Like I said, I may just be in prick mode today, but if your brother is listening to your mother, and when you call up and say, listen, I'd like to be a part of my nieces and nephews' lives, and he says, screw you, mama said not to talk to me. Well, then scratch him off the list, too. I don't know what else to say.

47:16 Drew Yeah, but then the kids lose out, and I understand.

47:17 Adam Well, you know what I mean? It's just one of those, it's the way it works.

47:22 Drew There is something to that advice, Adam.

47:24 Adam Yeah, that's why you gotta have friends. Okay, take a break, we'll be back. Yep, it's Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout, and we'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds. This is Loveline on Radio Station. Here is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. And it's time to get back to the phones. Richard.

48:34 Caller Hello.

48:35 Adam Hello.

48:35 Caller How you guys doing?

48:36 Adam Good, you're 27. What's going on?

48:39 Caller Well, I'm calling from my girlfriend. We just got kind of a question here. Her nipples seem to be connected to her clitoris. Every time we touch, I don't even have to touch anything but her nipples.

48:55 Oh, really?

48:57 Adam That's a short days work. I like that.

49:01 Caller Yes, it is.

49:03 Drew But, you know, it's going to be difficult when she comes of child rearing age.

49:08 Adam Yeah, it's going to be weird in the restaurant when she starts breastfeeding and orgasming at the same time. Meanwhile, I can't smoke in there.

49:14 Caller Well, she's... Yeah, exactly.

49:17 Adam She's like going through her panties, getting her boobs sucked on. I got to stand out in the terrace.

49:22 Caller Exactly. Well, she's already past that, but...

49:28 Drew Has it been since she's had a child that this happened?

49:33 Caller I'm not sure.

49:33 Drew Has she always been this way?

49:36 Caller Let me think. I've only been dating her for a couple of years, but since we've been together... Well, she hasn't had an orgasm since she met me, and she was married for like 17 years.

49:48 Adam Nice. That's my man. The buck stops with Richard.

49:52 Drew Wait, wait, this is all... The number is all of a sudden...

49:54 Adam It's getting screwy here. She hasn't had an orgasm...

49:59 Caller Since she met me.

50:01 Drew Then how do you...

50:02 Adam With you.

50:03 Drew With me.

50:03 Caller I'm sorry.

50:04 Adam She hasn't had an orgasm with you.

50:05 Caller No, she... Oh, God.

50:07 Adam Not before you.

50:08 Caller Right.

50:09 Adam Good, good angle.

50:11 Drew That was her angle. I like that.

50:12 Adam Wish she had a girlfriend and thought of that.

50:13 Drew Nobody ever dared touch her nipples before that.

50:17 Adam All right.

50:17 Caller The only question is...

50:18 Drew And why was she... How old is she?

50:21 Caller She's 35.

50:22 Drew Married 17 years. Plus two with you, 19.

50:26 Caller Yeah.

50:27 Drew Married at 16?

50:28 Adam No, she could have been married... Oh, I see, yeah. Married at 16?

50:33 Caller No, she got married at 19. Oh, no, she...

50:37 Adam Let's not sweat the details. What is it with the nipples, Drew? And why is this a problem, Richard?

50:42 Caller Oh, it's not a problem at all.

50:43 Adam All right.

50:44 Drew Well, I actually was worried that there might be some endocrine disturbance, whether or not the shoe's always been this way. Could this be some sort of hyperstimulation from God knows what? Some pituitary tumor or something? I mean, it just concerns me that it's well above average and you wonder if it's biologically based. If she has always been this way, you know, she's one of those interesting people.

51:07 Adam Maybe she's always had an endocrine problem.

51:11 Drew No, it would have shown itself by now.

51:13 Adam Oh, I see. Well, is it worth checking it out?

51:16 Drew If it's a new thing, yeah.

51:18 Adam All right, so if it's new, check it out.

51:20 Drew Yeah, especially even if it's new since childbirth, I would just check it out.

51:24 Adam Okay, Zach? Hello? I don't know why we're talking. Oh, I want to talk to Zach. Zach? Yeah. You're 26.

51:31 Caller Yes.

51:32 Adam Yeah, what's going on?

51:34 Caller Well, let's see, this started about two weeks ago, right? I got this like lump or something like in between. I guess you would call your scrotum and your... I guess your ass. You know?

51:48 Drew Very creative words. I guess you'd call it that.

51:51 Caller That little piece of skin down there. Yeah. In between there, it like swirled up and then... I had it for like a couple of days and then it went away. So I wasn't really worried about it, but then it came right back and it like swirled up worse and worse and worse. It got real swirled up and real sore and it hurts really bad. And well, last night though I was at work though and it like popped and like busted or something. I had like, you know, all this like puff and stuff. I mean, I know it sounds really gross, but it like popped in my underwear and it's like all in there and stuff.

52:26 Adam Yeah.

52:26 Caller And it's not as bad, but it's still sore. And it's just really scaring me.

52:33 Adam Carbuncle. I had one. It was the same place.

52:36 Drew Why did you, in Scrotum?

52:38 Adam Between on the border of Enosburg and Scrotumville. Yeah. They both fought over it, claimed it as their own. You know, like the Statue of Liberty, you know, it was New Jersey and New York both claim it.

52:51 Drew Yes.

52:52 Adam Yeah.

52:52 Drew Hatfields and the McCoys.

52:53 Adam That's right. Yeah. I had one. Lansdowne.

52:56 Drew Not there, not between your legs.

52:58 Adam Yeah.

52:59 Drew More near Enosburg.

53:01 Adam Had one, had two in my life. One, let's see, I guess I was living at home. I must have been 18. One 18, 18 and a half, maybe 19, down around right on the border of, like I said, Enosburg and Scrotumville.

53:19 Drew That's where I was access.

53:20 Adam That's where the one was. And then later on in life, jeez, I must have been like 30. I remember I was teaching boxing. I couldn't teach a class. My ass hurt too much. The other one was right a lot closer to Enosburg than Scrotumville.

53:37 Drew Is that the one you lanced?

53:39 Adam I lanced both of them. Hell yes, I lanced them.

53:44 Drew Oh, the humanity.

53:46 Adam It worked like a charm. The only tough part is getting to it. I used and listen, if anyone's squeamish, they may want to just sit down and turn the radio down at this point. But I swear to God, I used a mirror and a flashlight and I was reflecting the flashlight off the mirror so I could see my ass. You know how the, allegedly, the Egyptians would get light into the center of the pyramid by long row of mirrors going back and forth? That's how I got light into my ass and lanced that mother.

54:26 Caller What causes it?

54:28 Drew Well, there are a number of different things that can. In Adam's case, he believes it was a carbuncle, which means it's like a boil, something in your skin that forms, like a little hair follicle or something that gets infected. The thing is, though, in that area, you can get fistulas. These are probably what you had, Adam. These are sinus tracks that come out of your colon and erode through to the skin. And these actually need to be looked at by a surgeon.

54:50 Adam Sinus tracks.

54:51 Drew Little sort of ancillary little burrows that get dug through to the skin. And they need to be looked into.

54:57 Adam This didn't seem to come from the inside out, though. This seemed to be on the skin.

55:02 Drew Yeah, but it's almost impossible to tell the difference.

55:05 Adam All right, but I lanced the thing 15 years ago.

55:08 Drew It hasn't come back, I understand. And that's probably out of control, but Zach, this is... There are various kinds of fish, there's various kinds of things like this that can sort of be caused by other medical conditions. And so it's important you have somebody look at it. It also is going to probably require some antibiotics, and it may require some surgical depreedment and packing and all that kind of stuff.

55:28 Adam Please, I just lance mine, get the flashlight, the mirror, 40 ounce around, and pin, and go to town. I've done a lot of work on myself, Drew, I really have.

55:39 Drew I am just ecstatic about that.

55:40 Adam Thank God I didn't go to the doctor, I'd be up on the stirrups with a guy like a nurse, could you hold the scrotum out of the way? We got to get in there. Oh, Jesus, you couldn't tip a guy enough for that.

55:49 Drew Where's the penis?

55:54 Adam It's out in the car, doc, come on. Yeah, it was beautiful. I got to tell you, the only bad part is I rubbed Preparation H on it for a goddamn week because somebody told me, I said, I said, actually, it was my buddy Ray. I said, I didn't have a doctor, I didn't have insurance or anything. I said, my ass is killing me, you know? He said, you got a hemorrhoid.

56:21 Drew Yeah, it could be a hemorrhoid too.

56:22 Adam I said, well, I never had a hemorrhoid. Well, you got one now. He was so excited over the notion that I had a hemorrhoid. And I was thinking, well, my ass is killing me. I must be a hemorrhoid. Although I hadn't had one before, but I figured, yeah, I was lifting weights or something, you know, I must've done something. And so I'm rubbing Preparation H on my ass for a good week. And I'm going, this stuff does not do jack.

56:44 Drew Well, not for a thrombostemorrhoid or a fistula or a...

56:48 Adam Now, kind of think it's a car.

56:50 Drew Abscesses and things form, all kinds of good stuff. It's a very not so clean area.

56:55 Adam Oh really? Yeah. Yeah, no kidding. So one is, especially on me, one is five years in the grave and another's got almost 15 years in the grave. So I'm feeling pretty good about my ass about now. You know what I'm saying?

57:08 Drew You sure talk about it a lot.

57:09 Adam Yeah, thank you. Never had a hemorrhoid, you know? Never been constipated either, by the way. I'm good ass. Melissa?

57:17 Caller Yeah?

57:18 Adam You're 18.

57:19 Caller Yeah, I am. I kind of have a complicated thing here for you guys. I'm hoping you guys can maybe help me out. Okay, well, I recently about six months ago, I've gotten into a relationship with a girl. It was my first one and everything. And I'm really in love, but it came about in kind of an odd way. And like, okay, what happened was like about a year ago, like, we like kind of experimented, like, I don't even know, I can't really remember what happened, but it wasn't a big deal. And we like talked about it. We're like, okay, you know, we're not, you know, we don't, we're not lesbians or anything. So we thought we didn't do anything for like six months. And then we were around, like this guy, like was like, oh, you guys should kiss. It was at a party, you know, we were pretty drunk and I'm like, yeah, you guys should kiss or whatever. So we did. And you know, we liked it and we talked about, we're like, oh, it's just because a guy was watching, you know, like, oh, it was exciting. And so then like a couple other times, like these guys would be like, oh, go kiss again, you know, at different parties. And we would just like kiss. And it was like no big deal. It wasn't like anything sexual. And then like it kind of got to be where, you know, I started to care about her. And one day she just said, oh, well, you know, I don't even, I've never really liked a guy. I've never really been with one I've cared about. You know, I really love you. And it's, you know, all these things she was telling me. And I was like, oh, you know, and I was kind of feeling them too. And so we've been together ever since. And I've had boyfriends and all, and I've never cared about them like her. And I had never had an orgasm until I'd been with her.

58:49 Adam Yeah, all right.

58:50 Caller And so I think, you know, we've been, we talked about this yesterday. And I was like telling her, I was like, you know, I don't know if I'm, if I'm a lesbian or anything. Cause I was raised in a very Catholic family and this has never occurred to me, you know.

59:03 Drew Interesting. Well, you sound pretty comfortable with it.

59:04 Caller Yeah, I am. I've never had a problem with it. Like I don't really know people like that, but I've never had a problem with it. But it's just kind of freaked me out a little bit, you know, I'm still in love with her.

59:15 Adam Well, let's just say you're a lesbian for now.

59:18 Caller All right.

59:20 Adam Oh, that's all right.

59:22 Caller Yeah. Cause that's like what she's been telling me. Cause like she thinks that I'm going to grow out of it. And like we got an argument about it because she's not like really secure and how I feel about her.

59:31 Drew Well, it sounds like you aren't secure with this as a life choice.

59:37 Caller Yeah, that's what I mean.

59:38 Drew You have sort of other things that you imagine yourself involved with like.

59:44 Adam Sort of penis.

59:44 Drew Well, your previous notion of what a nuclear family was, right?

59:48 Caller Yeah, and it's like, I don't really have a problem with like gays and lesbians. I don't, you know, but I've never been with a guy that I mean.

59:57 Drew But maybe you're gay, maybe that's it. Maybe you have to learn to come to terms with the fact that your life is going to be different than you thought it was going to be. Maybe this is something you're going to grow out. Maybe you need to make some choices that are tough choices to make. But you're not going to make them tonight.

1:00:14 Adam You know, relax. Listen, all you screwy 18 year olds, you don't have to make any decisions for another 10 years. You really don't. Just relax, everybody. You're with a woman, she likes you, you like her. Don't question it for now. You know, it's funny, something I've been thinking about lately. I think we were talking about it last week. I don't know, but women, really, they have a bad experience with a guy and they get off guys. I mean, women treat guys like some people treat tequila or sushi. They have it, they have a bad night, they throw up or they get some food poisoning or whatever. They're like, I'm done with that for a while. And you know, somebody, they drink a bunch of tequila and they vomit all night or something. They may not be with the tequila again for another year. You get hold of some bad sushi or something, you may not ever eat it again. Women get that way with guys. They get a bad guy or a couple of bad dates or a couple of bad boyfriends and that's it. They're on to something else. Guys, we don't think that way. We're in it for the long haul, ladies. I wish you'd think about your commitment to us. Monica?

1:01:32 Caller Hello.

1:01:34 Adam You're 20.

1:01:35 Caller Yes. My question was to Dr. Drew. I was with the guy for two years and he was like my first boyfriend and my first and the thing is we broke up. You know, it's been about five months and I got over him and then the thing is it's like he calls me and then he expects me to always be there. You know, he expects when he calls me that, okay, I'm going to be right there and we're going to go out to the movies, come back over here and make out and then he won't call me for another about two or three years.

1:02:07 Drew Why do you make yourself available when he calls?

1:02:10 Caller It's because I guess, because I feel like I don't, because I don't know, I feel like I need him for some reason.

1:02:18 Drew So there's nothing to do with him.

1:02:20 Caller Yeah.

1:02:20 Drew It's about you.

1:02:21 Caller The thing is too, is that we have a Godchild together and we baptize the baby and so that's kind of hard for me too because I'm always constantly seeing him at get-togethers and it's so hard for me.

1:02:36 Adam Hold on a second. What do you mean you have a Godchild together?

1:02:39 Caller Okay. Well, we baptize the baby together.

1:02:41 Adam Whose baby?

1:02:43 Caller It's his best friend's baby.

1:02:44 Adam All right. That's his Godchild. You're the old girlfriend.

1:02:48 Caller Yeah. But still, I mean, I'm not going to diss my Godchild.

1:02:51 Adam It's not your Godchild.

1:02:53 Caller It is my Godchild. We baptize together. I'm the Nina. They chose me as the Nina.

1:02:58 Adam I don't care if you're the Pinto and the Santa Maria.

1:03:00 Drew You just need to not be around that child and that family at the same time. That's all, period.

1:03:05 Adam Listen.

1:03:05 Drew They have to cooperate with that.

1:03:06 Adam Hold on a second. You went along for the ceremony, but this is your ex's best friend. He is he and fill in the blank, whoever he happens to be with, is the godparents of the kid, not his old girlfriend. He's, it's his best friend.

1:03:25 Caller Okay, I understand you.

1:03:27 Adam I mean, you know what I'm saying?

1:03:29 Caller And so...

1:03:30 Adam I know, but hold on a second. You're, you're doing a lot of clinging here with the, well, we got a god, you know, we got a godchild to think about.

1:03:36 Drew You're making all kinds of excuses to try to keep this thing together. It is not, it is gone.

1:03:40 Caller And the reason why it didn't work out was because all he wanted to do was like, go to the movies and stay home. And I'm the type, I want to go, you know, out camp, you know, go out like, baptizing, whatever.

1:03:52 Drew Whatever. You guys aren't meant for each other and it's over. And he, he comes back for sort of a servicing once in a while, but he is gone. He is done and you need to protect yourself from this. So you have a chance to get over this relationship.

1:04:05 Adam You're not over it. I mean, you're in it.

1:04:07 Drew You're still completely in it.

1:04:08 Adam Yeah.

1:04:09 Caller Yeah.

1:04:09 Adam You got to get out of it.

1:04:10 Caller You got to give yourself a six, how do I get over it?

1:04:13 Drew Six months with no, six months. Yes. Six months with no contact. Really? Absolutely.

1:04:19 Caller And is there such thing as friends?

1:04:22 Drew Not for the, not for the, not, not, not for at least 12 months. And even then it's risky.

1:04:29 Caller Because it's like, even when I go out to clubs, it's like I'm so picky when it comes to guys.

1:04:34 Drew Okay, that's fine.

1:04:36 Adam That's fine.

1:04:36 Drew Don't go out to clubs even. Do something else. Make guys other ways.

1:04:39 Adam Don't do all that camping and ice skating you love so much.

1:04:42 Drew Right.

1:04:43 Adam I like to get this guy's phone number. He just likes to stay home.

1:04:46 Caller That's all he does. He just wants to like stay home.

1:04:49 Adam This could be my gay partner, my life partner. What kind of shapes this young guy has?

1:04:55 Caller For some reason, I just feel like I still love him.

1:04:59 Drew We got that, Monica. We understand that.

1:05:01 Adam Two minutes ago, you were over the guy.

1:05:02 Drew Yeah, it was his clinging. He's calling me back and making me go out with him.

1:05:06 Adam Now you're in love with him.

1:05:07 Drew You must stop, Monica. Hold on.

1:05:08 Adam Why stop? Maybe you guys get back together.

1:05:11 Drew He is not in love with you, Monica.

1:05:13 Adam How do you know? Who broke up with who?

1:05:15 Caller Well, we both decided at the same time that it just wasn't working. He just wanted to do his thing and I wanted to...

1:05:21 Drew Monica.

1:05:21 Caller Yes.

1:05:22 Drew He's done, right? Is that right? He wanted to see other girls and stuff?

1:05:26 Caller Well, I don't want him to see other girls.

1:05:28 Drew Monica, why did he want to break up? Of course, that's why he wanted to break up.

1:05:31 Adam Yeah. Man.

1:05:33 Drew Denial, denial, denial.

1:05:34 Adam Man, I wish I had some chicks who weren't into me as much as Monica claims, not to be into her ex-boyfriend.

1:05:42 Caller Wow.

1:05:42 Adam Jesus. It started off with six months ago, I was completely over the guy.

1:05:46 Drew He keeps calling me back to make him go out to movies.

1:05:49 Caller Yeah.

1:05:49 Adam Hold on. I got to light the candle for the shrine. Wow. I'll tell you, whenever I broke up with someone, actually whenever someone broke up with me, man, that was it. They were done. I'm one of these guys, apparently you get your feel pretty quick with, and there's nothing left to examine. It's like, they're just, you know, like-

1:06:10 Drew I think you dragged a couple of them back in. They're lifeless carcasses back into your home, and then they regained consciousness and kicked the crap out of you and left you.

1:06:18 Adam Yeah. That was really only one. I mean, I was really only able to talk one of them into it. I'm not like-

1:06:24 Drew You started your ass right up again, didn't you?

1:06:26 Adam Oh, yeah. Of course. I'm like- I think for women, I wouldn't be like Magic Mountain or Six Flags over Maryland or something like where you couldn't see it all in one day. I'd be like one of those carnivals that rolled into town with everything on the back of a semi truck. Spend like an hour and a half, you make a lap around it, you see the zipper and the Tilt-A-World and then you're ready to go home. That was kind of me. They never wanted to come back and really finish exploring. They were always done. I can't blame them. Jenny?

1:07:04 Caller Yeah.

1:07:04 Adam You're 16.

1:07:05 Caller Yeah.

1:07:06 Adam What's going on?

1:07:07 Caller Well, last Saturday, a week ago, well, my boyfriend and I had anal sex and ever since then it's been like hurting.

1:07:18 Adam So, has it been over a week now?

1:07:21 Drew You're 16?

1:07:22 Caller Yeah.

1:07:24 Caller Well, see, the thing is, we're trying like we're both virgins and we just.

1:07:28 Drew Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Okay. Hold on a second. I gotta stop.

1:07:32 Adam This is Drew's favorite. This is Drew's favorite call. God bless Jenny for calling in. Another makes Drew's night like the I'm Still a Virgin call. Drew loves this.

1:07:45 Drew I can't, it's like, it's indescribable how intense the denial has to be on this one.

1:07:50 Adam Why, Drew?

1:07:51 Drew I hate denial. It bugs me.

1:07:52 Adam Wait a minute, Drew. This is, listen, it says in the Bible. I mean, listen, I'm no theologian, but I know that either someone has penetrated your vagina and if they have, you've been had, and if they haven't, you're a virgin, right? I mean, isn't that how it works?

1:08:12 Drew This is how many of our callers have reserved the right to call it.

1:08:16 Adam All right. Well, listen, let's take a break and then we'll get to the bottom of this. Because I, and you know, I'm an atheist, so I don't know much about this stuff, but I'd like to know if...

1:08:26 Drew We're God-watching.

1:08:27 Adam Yeah.

1:08:27 Drew How do you think you'd feel about this?

1:08:30 Adam I don't know. I don't know if he's an ass man or not. Jesus.

1:08:33 Drew If he had a sense of humor, he'd be laughing his ass off, that's for sure. But I don't think it's such a funny thing.

1:08:38 Adam The anal sex in order to maintain the virginity?

1:08:41 Drew Anal sex, oral sex, whatever sex, but no genital penetration.

1:08:45 Adam Okay. Well, we'll talk to Jenny with the anal sex and the virginity after this.

1:08:51 Drew I feel so liquidy.

1:08:53 Adam Really? Loveline will be right back.

1:09:19 Drew More importantly.

1:09:20 Adam Yeah, more importantly, why they need three people going out there. Hey, it is Loveline there. Talk about that award ceremony after this call.

1:09:33 Drew Yeah, I actually have a call about that award ceremony after this call.

1:09:36 Adam Oh, we do?

1:09:36 Drew Yes, we'll go to that.

1:09:37 Adam Well, good enough then. Jenny?

1:09:39 Drew Yeah. So you're a virgin.

1:09:42 Caller Yeah.

1:09:43 Drew You're 16. But, I mean, except, I guess I should say.

1:09:49 Adam You've had anal sex.

1:09:50 Caller Yes.

1:09:51 Adam Okay. And the reason you had anal sex was to preserve your virginity.

1:09:57 Caller Yes.

1:09:57 Drew You understand how bizarre that is, right?

1:10:03 Caller Not really.

1:10:03 Drew Virginity really is about chastity, not so much about the penis entering the vagina. It was an old sort of economic term, let's say, that was necessary for a woman to be a virgin in order for a transfer of properties to go on.

1:10:18 Adam Well, go look up virginity. What did you draw?

1:10:20 Drew We did this once, didn't we? And it did say something about intercourse. I don't know.

1:10:24 Adam Honestly, I got stoned a hundred times between then and now. So it did say something about, it probably said something about both. They don't have a dictionary here.

1:10:32 Drew But everybody is choosing to define virginity in their own terms today. And I find that quite bizarre. But anyway, so let's put it this way.

1:10:43 Adam Forget about God. Let's just talk about your next boyfriend. Now, what do you think he'd be more excited to hear about? You being with a guy and having intercourse, or you taking it in the ass?

1:10:53 Caller Right. I understand.

1:10:54 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:10:55 Drew All right.

1:10:55 Adam Forget about your next boyfriend. Let's talk about your dad. Mom.

1:10:57 Drew Yeah. Dad.

1:10:58 Adam Let's talk about grandpa.

1:10:59 Drew Oh, God.

1:11:00 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:11:01 Drew Yeah. Think how they would look upon it. Which is really what this is all about. It's trying to help you have the opportunity to develop emotionally and physically and biologically to the point that these experiences can be managed in a healthy way. That's all. That's what it's all about. That's why those mores are there.

1:11:19 Adam What's your religion?

1:11:21 Caller I don't have one.

1:11:23 Adam Oh, you don't have one?

1:11:24 Caller No.

1:11:25 Adam Why are you so worried about keeping the virginity then?

1:11:28 Caller Well, we've only been going out two months.

1:11:30 Adam Oh, okay. All right. Well, that's different then. So, did it get you in the ass in the first date or how did that go?

1:11:38 Drew What's your question? What is your question?

1:11:40 Adam Her ass hurts. Yeah.

1:11:42 Drew Well, it's not a healthy thing to do. You can tear it. You can cause hemorrhoids. You can get infections. These fistulas we were talking about and abscesses. You can do that.

1:11:49 Adam Keep the fistula away from that part of the region. I'm telling you.

1:11:51 Drew Why is everything a double entendre when we're talking about the rare end?

1:11:54 Adam It's not about the ass and the fistula. All right. So, Jenny? Well, Drew, how long should she hang before she sees somebody?

1:12:01 Drew You need, how long will this happen?

1:12:03 Adam A week.

1:12:04 Caller A week? A lot?

1:12:05 Drew I think it's about time. You take some hot baths for tonight. That will help.

1:12:10 Adam You take a, you know, those, is it a sitz bath? Just sit in there?

1:12:14 Drew Yeah, sit in the hot bath. Really, it will help, Jenny. I'm serious. No matter what's going on there, that will be helpful. And get to your doctor and just let him take a look. Make sure there's nothing serious going on here.

1:12:25 Adam Oh, that's good.

1:12:26 Drew I feel bad, we really love you.

1:12:27 Adam No, okay, we're just having a good time with Jenny.

1:12:30 Drew But it's not something funny. I mean, we're joking around.

1:12:33 Adam It's kind of funny, yeah. But not that funny. All right, so Jenny, sit in a nice warm tub. See if it gets any better.

1:12:41 Drew Virgin, an absolutely chaste young woman.

1:12:44 Adam Chaste?

1:12:45 Drew Chastity.

1:12:46 Adam Uh-huh, I see. So what's that mean?

1:12:49 Drew Then it goes down, the fourth definition is a virgin, a person who's not had sexual intercourse.

1:12:55 Adam Right, so the first one is just a woman and hasn't been penetrated in any way.

1:13:01 Drew Chaste.

1:13:02 Adam Well, what's...

1:13:03 Drew Let me go virginity.

1:13:04 Adam What's the difference between chastity and penetration of any kind?

1:13:07 Drew Chastity means that you're overall very...

1:13:10 Adam That's what I'm... Okay, that's what I mean. All right, wise butt.

1:13:15 Drew Wise butt.

1:13:16 Adam Stacey, I don't like the swear in the air. My kid's listening. Stacey? Hello. Hello. Hello, you're 25. What's going on there?

1:13:25 Caller I went... I saw you guys at the show tonight.

1:13:27 Adam Oh, you did?

1:13:28 Caller Yes.

1:13:28 Adam Fantastic.

1:13:29 Drew Why don't you tell people what the show was?

1:13:32 Caller The Teen Choice Awards?

1:13:33 Adam We did the Teen Choice Awards and I'm... I gotta tell you, thank God I went and put something else on. I'm like... I'm all screwed up.

1:13:44 Caller I don't know. I saw you disappear with Daisy for a while. I'm dying to know what happened then.

1:13:48 Adam Oh, I gave it to her right in the ass. It was great.

1:13:50 Caller Yeah, I'm sure.

1:13:53 Adam No, Daisy scares me a little bit, actually. She's a sly woman. She's beautiful, but there's no date-raping her.

1:14:02 Caller I don't think I hear you admit she's too much for you, though.

1:14:04 Adam Yeah, I think she is. I like someone who makes my penis look big. And that ain't Daisy.

1:14:11 Caller Although, you know, Drew, I have to say you were funnier when you were alone at rehearsal.

1:14:16 Drew Funnier?

1:14:17 Adam That's nice.

1:14:18 Drew All I did was read the script.

1:14:21 Caller No, you guys were good.

1:14:23 Adam All right. Thanks there, Stacey.

1:14:24 Caller You're welcome.

1:14:25 Adam Yeah. How's it going for you? Everything all right?

1:14:27 Caller Yeah.

1:14:28 Adam Okay.

1:14:28 Drew Well, now, what did you think about Adam's comment at the end there?

1:14:32 Caller Which comment? See, I was backstage during the show, so I...

1:14:35 Drew Okay.

1:14:35 All right.

1:14:36 Caller It was hard to hear, although he didn't like the Woody line.

1:14:40 Drew Yeah, he changed it.

1:14:41 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:14:41 Adam Well, let me explain...

1:14:44 Oh, boy.

1:14:45 Adam Let me explain why I changed the Woody line.

1:14:49 Drew What was the line was?

1:14:50 Adam The line was on the Teen Choice Awards, the award was a surfboard.

1:14:57 Drew Actually a surfboard.

1:14:58 Adam An actual surfboard, five and a half foot surfboard. And one of the writers who wrote this whole script that Drew and I didn't do a word of, said, listen, I really like the n-line where you present the award and say, basically it said a Woody.

1:15:19 Drew Now the Woody goes to, that's what they call this thing, right?

1:15:22 Adam The Woody goes to, I thought that's just what surfers called it, sort of alluding to the penis with the Woody and the surfboard and the double entendre. The problem with that is a surfboard is not a Woody.

1:15:37 Drew Anymore, yeah.

1:15:38 Adam No, it never was. A Woody is a station wagon that surfers carry surfboards in, but if you're just holding a surfboard and saying, look how big my Woody is, it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense because, as Jan and Dean would say, we'll throw the wetsuits and the Woody and all that kind of stuff, but it didn't make any sense, so I realized that and I dropped that line too, but it was fine.

1:16:05 Drew And the line you delivered was?

1:16:07 Adam I'd mentioned that I'd masturbated to all of the movies that were nominated in our category.

1:16:15 Drew And I want you to feel proud of them.

1:16:16 Adam Actually, I said personally masturbated, which I realized later didn't make a whole lot of sense.

1:16:21 Drew No, I think you said you have the personal distinction of having masturbated to every one of these.

1:16:27 Adam Well, it was something like that. I just was trying to spice up the show a little bit, it felt like it was dragging, but you know, it was a fun awards show.

1:16:35 Drew That was very good.

1:16:36 Adam Here's my thing, and oh boy, this is why I need like a handler. I didn't go to the rehearsal because rehearsals-

1:16:43 Drew Because you didn't want to.

1:16:44 Adam That's for suckers. Seriously, they told me be there at one o'clock in Santa Monica, I live in Hollywood, be there at one o'clock and then come back again at 5.30. I said, what, I'm supposed to spend the entire day driving? What's going on in rehearsal? Nothing's going on in rehearsal. I'll show up once at 5.30, just tell me what you need me to do, and I'll do it, or maybe I won't, but the rehearsal's not going to help. Drew, because he's...

1:17:08 Drew Obsessive compulsive.

1:17:09 Adam Obsessive compulsive, empathetic compulsive, went to the rehearsal at one o'clock, then turned around and went home at two o'clock, then sat home for two hours, then got back and went back to Santa Monica again, from Pasadena, by the way, and not, this is deep Santa Monica, this is the Santa Monica airport. I mean, you spent the entire day on the road for nothing, Drew. You didn't do anything in that rehearsal.

1:17:33 Drew No, I was glad I went. I really was.

1:17:35 Adam I had no idea what was going on on this thing. So I put on a pair of jeans and just one of my button-down shirts, but it had been in the hamper. I mean, it was like wrinkled and I hadn't shaved or anything, and I thought, well, I'll just go to this Teen Choice Awards. I mean, it can't be anything. If they're asking me and Drew to show up, I mean, hell, we don't get to go on stage on MTV Awards. This thing, they're asking us to go on stage. This can't be anything. And then I thought about it, and I thought, well, wait a minute, I don't know. This may be something. I better put a jacket on. So I put a jacket and some slacks on, and thank God.

1:18:06 Drew This thing is huge. It's huge.

1:18:09 Adam Who was there?

1:18:10 Drew Everybody.

1:18:11 Adam Tyra Banks and Mini Me, Everybody. And Ninesync and 98 Degrees, and who that?

1:18:18 Drew All those movie stars.

1:18:19 Adam I mean, every-

1:18:20 Drew It was huge. And well done. Really a well done event. I mean, gigantic productions and things, and then us walking out and Adam going to the wrong side of the stage. First thing.

1:18:30 Adam Well, I missed rehearsal. I started heading for the other podium. There's two podiums, one on each side of the stage. And they were like, yeah, hey, go out there. And I started walking out. I was walking out first. And the way the way you hit the stage is there's one podium on the right side and one podium on the left side. And we were entering on the right side and they pointed. And I just kept walking straight. And I was walking right for that podium. And I needed to hook a left and backtrack and go to our podium. But Drew, did they tell us which one we're going to?

1:19:03 Drew No. Now that you've been at the rehearsal.

1:19:05 Adam That's all right. So they went and got me. And then we just proceeded to fumble over ourselves. And it was funny because I said, we went out and presented with Daisy Fuentes. And I was said to Daisy, listen, we're not doing the script. She freaked. The teleprompter. And she said, what are we doing? And I said, well, not the script. And she said, well, what are we doing? I said, I don't know exactly. She said, what do you want me to do? I said, just relax, have a good time.

1:19:33 Drew Oh, enjoy.

1:19:34 Adam Enjoy yourself out there. She said, don't you think we had to read the teleprompter? I said, no, no. She said, what if we just read parts from the teleprompter? I said, no, that's not going to work. You're either on or you're off the teleprompter. We're off. We're going to have a good time. She said, you two work together all the time. I don't know what to do. I said, just, just relax. Don't worry, we won't leave you. We have a good time out there. What are we going to say? I said, don't worry, I'll start talking. And then like, Drew, you say something. And then Daisy, you just chime in. She was like, I don't know what we're doing.

1:20:05 Drew My favorite part is Adam goes, hey, we want to do something that's meaningful, don't we? When you look back on this in 10 years, don't you want to at least have something you've done meaningful? And she goes, I just want to look back five minutes from now and be done with it.

1:20:19 Adam So I told Drew, let's talk about this morning after pill. That'd be a good thing.

1:20:23 Drew So we did.

1:20:24 Adam Yeah, we're doing the, you know, Teen Choice Awards, we're in the sex category, so let's talk about the morning after pill.

1:20:30 Drew Which I was all on board for.

1:20:31 Adam And it was great because Daisy was like, that was a great pitch to Daisy. Daisy, I know you've read what's going to be on the teleprompter. We're not going to do that. Okay, what are we going to do? Drew wants to talk about the morning after pill. And she was like, yeah.

1:20:52 Drew Hey, I don't know if you really picked up what the real problem was, but the script was all organized around her.

1:20:57 Adam Oh, it was?

1:20:58 Drew Yeah.

1:20:58 Adam Oh, wow.

1:20:59 Drew And then you scratched that off and organized it all around us.

1:21:03 Adam Well, I told her she was delivering the, you know, she got to open the envelope, right? She was fine. She had a good time.

1:21:11 Drew She did, I think. I'm fine when she wasn't saying anything. Adam goes, So is there a life after MTV?

1:21:18 Adam She's like, huh? That's out on stage. You know, it's funny, too. Drew goes, Drew said that right before we walked on stage, he goes, How long you known Daisy? I said, I just met her tonight. But I struck up immediate rapport with her, right, Drew? Did you fire in here, by the way?

1:21:36 Drew No, by the way, I didn't.

1:21:38 Adam Robert?

1:21:39 Yes.

1:21:40 Adam You're 30?

1:21:41 Caller Correct.

1:21:42 Adam What's going on?

1:21:43 Caller Oh, nothing. My partner and I were driving back from work this evening listening to your show. And we heard that girl call up talking about her friend who's 16, pregnant by the guy who's 23.

1:21:55 Drew Right.

1:21:56 Caller Well, we're sitting there discussing this. And I hope this girl's listening, because what she needs to do is go to her local PD or Sheriff's Department and break the story down to him, because we can put this guy away for at least two counts. First one is sex with a minor and the second one is extortion.

1:22:13 Adam Nice.

1:22:14 Drew Yeah, but when he gets out and tries to kill her, you know, here's my problem.

1:22:18 Adam That's when they step in.

1:22:20 Drew Is my problem, when he tries to kill her.

1:22:21 Adam I'm at the corner.

1:22:23 Drew My problem, Robert, is that I have grave difficulty giving people specific advice where I could be putting them in harm's way. In other words, I hope they're listening to you and I hope she understands this is one of her options. But when we're giving direction, I really feel like we're responsible for anything that happens. Oh, okay.

1:22:44 Caller So the reality is behind that.

1:22:45 Drew Yeah. Well, and the ethics, too. I mean, she has to make up her mind what she's going to do. I can't imagine putting her in harm's way, but I think she has to do something.

1:22:55 Caller Right.

1:22:56 Drew Would she be guilty of commission if she doesn't do something?

1:23:02 Caller That's a fine line because, again, you can see the extortion comes from the fact that the boyfriend is threatening her with grievous bodily harm up to and including death. Right. So being a co-conspirator or anything like that, probably not.

1:23:19 Drew Okay.

1:23:20 Adam Are you a cop, Robert?

1:23:22 Caller I work for the Department of Corrections.

1:23:24 Adam Where does that mean you work in a prison?

1:23:26 Caller Right.

1:23:26 Adam Which prison?

1:23:28 Caller Revenotes, say, on the air.

1:23:29 Adam All right. What state is it in?

1:23:33 Caller California.

1:23:34 Adam All right.

1:23:34 Caller One of the 33 prisons we got here.

1:23:36 Adam Wow. We got 33.

1:23:37 Caller Correct.

1:23:38 Adam That's good.

1:23:40 Caller All of them at maximum capacity.

1:23:42 Adam Yeah. God bless us. Putting everyone away. Yeah.

1:23:45 Caller It makes a retirement with no problem.

1:23:47 Adam Yeah. We got plenty of idiots are selling drugs in there. Meanwhile, we let the molesters off on good behavior.

1:23:55 Caller We got plenty of molesters in there, too.

1:23:57 Adam All right. Well, that that feels good. You know, Robert, I was watching, you know, this, you know, I watch it, E True Hollywood Story every every Sunday night. And I don't know if I was ranting about it on the air or not. It seems to me I somehow neglected to mention anything. But you know how I went berserk, I think it was about a month and a half ago when I realized I was watching a thing on Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy has a kid since he was incarcerated. Ted has taken out 35 coeds basically, but he's got a 19-year-old daughter because we cannot, even though you've taken out 35 school-age girls, still you got the right to F when you're in prison, right? He got married so he has himself a kid. The other, Tex Watkins from the Manson family. Tex has three kids, all sired in prison.

1:24:56 Caller Right, he's up at the Mule Creek State Prison I believe.

1:25:00 Adam Listen, here's my take on this, and why don't you bring it up at the next meeting, Robert. Really, as long as we're infringing on these guys' rights, as it were, I mean, as long as we're taking some privileges away from them, and listen, you want to walk into a house and brutally stab pregnant women and their houseguests. I'm all for taking away rights. Let's go ahead and check screwing off that list, too.

1:25:25 Caller Well, we tried that once before, and the, I believe it was the ACLU was hired for this, and basically after lawsuits and whatnot, we had to give them back their boneyard visit.

1:25:37 Adam Right, yeah. Well, ACLU does have a valid point. There's no reason why a guy is convicted of mass murder shouldn't be able to sire a few kids from inside the house, you know, the big house, even though there's no possible way he can support or take care of those kids. It's important that the gene pool of a guy like Ted Bundy, a guy who pretends to have his arm in a goddamn sling and hitchhikes by the side of the road so he can brutally rape and attack and kill 17-year-old women, it's important that we have his gene pool pushed along. I think that's important. I swear to God, every time I hear about one of these guys, all I hope is that one of these guys gets out and does something to these ACLU, one of their daughters, one of their granddaughters, one of their nieces or nephews. You know what I mean? It's absurd to me that Tex Watkins has three kids. Three kids. He walked right into the Tate and LaBianca house with a knife and just started stabbing away. Sharon Tate was eight months pregnant, stabbing away. All her guests, her, the whole thing. But he's got three kids. Please. We got, listen, let's snuff these guys immediately. Robert, would you do some mercy killing? Why is all the mercy killing going on in the hospitals? Why don't you guys do some mercy killing in prison?

1:27:02 Caller Well, unfortunately with our use of force policy, we can't get away with that.

1:27:06 Adam Oh, I swear to God. We got it all screwed up. Every other male nurse who works in a hospital is putting a pillow over somebody's head. Meanwhile, these guys are dying at 90 in prison. Why don't you start snuffing these guys? Be like the angel at death.

1:27:21 Caller Help, poor Robert.

1:27:22 Drew Don't beat on him.

1:27:23 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:27:24 Adam No, I'm with Robert. I'm just saying, I want you to be my sandman. You know what I mean? My inside man.

1:27:30 Caller Well, tempting as it may be, I don't want to be dressed in blue myself.

1:27:34 Adam All right, all right. So now how many, are you going to be a sheriff? You put a few years in in the can and then you hit the streets?

1:27:43 Caller No, I work for one of the state prisons. Do some time there and possibly even just retire as being a correctional officer is good pay.

1:27:53 Adam Not a bad gig. What do you pull down a year doing that?

1:27:58 Caller See, CO tops out at just under 50 grand a year.

1:28:03 Adam That's bad. And you can work some OT, right?

1:28:06 Caller Right. Full benefit package. Great retirement plan.

1:28:10 Adam All the pepper spray and ass on a shingle you can eat, right?

1:28:14 Caller Definitely.

1:28:15 Adam And do you go home every day or do you do like a fireman where you put on a few days?

1:28:21 Caller You do eight-hour shifts, five days a week. Wow. Working one of the three watches because you got to keep an eye on these turds for at least 24 hours a day. And then you just go home at the night, bring home a good paycheck and laugh about these idiots on the other side of the fence.

1:28:39 Adam What about the guys who work the guard tower? That seems to be the Kush detail, the guard tower.

1:28:44 Caller That is pretty good up there. Depending on which tower you're in.

1:28:47 Adam Right. Yeah. You know, because I don't want to get down and turn a fire hose on anyone or anything like that. You know what I mean? I like to be up in the guard tower. Nice TV. Maybe a chair that recline.

1:28:59 Caller You sit there in your tower. Watch them. Depending on which tower you're in, you might be listening to them on their phones when they call home. Get to monitor their phone calls.

1:29:06 Adam That's pretty. Do you have, and seriously, are these conjugal visits going on? They have trailers to have sex in?

1:29:14 Caller Correct.

1:29:15 Adam How are they monitored when they're in the trailer?

1:29:19 Caller We don't go in there, but what they have to do is throughout the time that they're spending in the family visiting units, depending on which institution you're at, the HV institution has their own program. Basically, at certain times, a little alarm goes off inside, almost like a doorbell. They have to come outside, we have to visually check them, make sure it's still the same individual, and then they go back in and continue whatever it is that they're doing with their guests.

1:29:50 Adam How often do they get those conjugal visits?

1:29:53 Caller It depends on if the inmate has earned time off from his job inside the prison, because we try to make all the prisoners work, and if he's got enough time off and it's his turn, they have to schedule it in advance.

1:30:12 Adam Here's the reality. The guy probably gets more tail than we do, Drew. Seriously. You think so? Probably. Alright, hey, one last question, Robert.

1:30:20 Caller Knock yourself out.

1:30:20 Adam What do you got up there in that tower? Is it a shotgun or an M16 or what do you got?

1:30:25 Caller It's a Mini 14. It's chambered with a 5.56 millimeter round. Same round that goes through the M16.

1:30:32 Adam Okay. And how many rounds does it hold?

1:30:36 Caller We have 20 round magazines and we, most towers have at least 50 rounds up there.

1:30:42 Adam Do you get to shoot to kill?

1:30:44 Caller If the, if it calls for that, someone's life is in jeopardy and there's no turning back, then you have to.

1:30:52 Adam Good. Alright, you shoot away. Don't think twice.

1:30:57 Caller No thinking twice over here.

1:30:58 Adam Alright, good man. Alright. Hi, Robert. I don't know if he had a question or not, but I had some for him. Alright, we'll take a little break and when we come back, I'll tell you what else is wrong with the system after this. All right, we're gonna try to hustle through some calls here. Ricky.

1:31:39 Caller Hey.

1:31:40 Adam Hey, you're 15.

1:31:41 Caller Yeah.

1:31:42 Drew What's going on?

1:31:43 Caller Well, Adam, you can make fun of me while I ask Drew.

1:31:47 Drew What's the question?

1:31:48 Caller About my problem.

1:31:49 Drew Go to it.

1:31:51 Caller At the bottom of my penis, around the base, there are these bumps.

1:31:57 Drew Right, they're kind of whitish?

1:31:59 Caller Yeah, they don't protrude out, but they're right under the skin, and they're really annoying.

1:32:03 Drew Well, they're the pearly penile papules and they are normal.

1:32:06 Caller They're normal?

1:32:07 Drew Normal.

1:32:07 Adam That's right.

1:32:08 Drew They start coming on around your age.

1:32:10 Adam Adam.

1:32:11 Yeah.

1:32:12 Adam You're 17.

1:32:13 Caller Yeah, hey, what's up?

1:32:14 Adam Hey.

1:32:15 Caller Okay, I have a problem. About two months ago, me and my dad got in a fight. It was over something stupid, like the phone, right? And it got out of hand. He threw me across my room, and I called the police, and they told me it was my fault.

1:32:28 Drew The police told you it was your fault?

1:32:29 Caller Yeah, the police told me it was my fault.

1:32:33 Drew Something's wrong with the story.

1:32:34 Adam Missing parts. We don't believe you. Go ahead.

1:32:37 Drew No, not that we don't believe you. It's something you're not telling us.

1:32:40 Caller Okay, what part would you like to know?

1:32:42 Drew Well, you called the police and said what?

1:32:44 Caller I called the police. I called 911, and I told them. I was like, you know, my dad just like thrashed me, and they're like, okay, well, we'll send cops out. Police came, and they talked to me outside, talked to my dad inside, and they were just like asking questions, like what happened, and they were like, well, you have a bad attitude, and I was just like answering their questions. I was like, okay. And it was like, it was a scary experience. It wasn't fun. And they were, it was, I don't know. And like my hair was long, and it was red, like fire engine red, and they were like, well, maybe you should die and cut your hair. And I was like, right?

1:33:20 Adam I don't know, probably had a point there.

1:33:22 Caller Yeah, but still.

1:33:23 Adam All right, so anyway, you're sort of antisocial.

1:33:27 Caller Antisocial? Yeah. No.

1:33:30 Adam Well, you just walk around, you're one of these idiots who wants, you want a bunch of attention, but you don't want attention, and then you get pissed off and people categorize you, yet you look like a freak, right?

1:33:40 Caller No.

1:33:41 Adam Well, why is your hair fire engine red?

1:33:44 Caller I liked it.

1:33:46 Adam All right.

1:33:46 Caller I thought it was an interesting thing to do.

1:33:48 Adam All right, all right. Why don't you just smear some dog crap on you or something? I mean, that's interesting, that's different.

1:33:53 Caller That wouldn't be appealing.

1:33:54 Adam All right, so listen, you know, here's what I'm saying, Adam. You know, it pisses your dad off, it pisses other people off sometimes, and that's why you do it.

1:34:04 Drew Your dad probably threw you around before, huh?

1:34:06 Caller He threw me out.

1:34:07 Drew No, he's throwing you around before this.

1:34:08 Caller No. First time he's ever done that, but he's had like a history of violence though, like he used to like beat up my mom.

1:34:14 Drew All right, so that's the point. He's been violent before, and that's why you are the way you are. And so your dad is ultimately at fault here. And there does need to be some sort of intervention other than the police coming out there every few nights.

1:34:26 Adam Where's your mom, by the way?

1:34:27 Caller My mom is, yeah, she's here, too. My mom was just standing in the door, waiting to know what to do.

1:34:31 Drew Does your dad drink, too?

1:34:32 Caller And when the police told me it was my fault, my mom, she was paranoid, and she was hiding in the back of the house, and she was going to come out, and he was like, no.

1:34:41 Adam Does your dad drink?

1:34:43 Caller Yeah, he does, but he wasn't drunk at the time.

1:34:44 Drew Yeah, he was.

1:34:45 Caller Really, wow.

1:34:46 Caller He was mad at my mom when this happened.

1:34:48 Adam I understand.

1:34:50 Drew Something needs to be intervened upon here. Hopefully the Department of Social Services or somebody can help me.

1:34:54 Adam Let me give Adam a tip. You sound like an intelligent guy.

1:34:58 Drew Get out.

1:34:58 Adam I can hear in your voice.

1:34:59 Drew Get in the college.

1:35:00 Caller Thank you.

1:35:00 Adam Yeah. Get your grades up as high as they can be. Take your SATs and go off to college somewhere.

1:35:06 Caller Already done.

1:35:07 Adam Already done?

1:35:07 Drew Beautiful.

1:35:08 Adam Beautiful. And in the meantime, stay out of your dad's crosshairs.

1:35:12 Drew And don't be surprised when people have feelings about how you project yourself to other people. There's a reason. And you're doing that not because it looks good. There's a reason.

1:35:21 Adam There you go.

1:35:22 Caller All right. The phone number for Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:35:30 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:35:51 Adam All right, well, there you go. Another successful Loveline episode in the can, as they say. Gary Marshall, the world's nicest yet most powerful Hollywood, Hollywood producers. Yeah. Okay, Drew, you're done. He's going to be in here tomorrow night. We'll get to him, we'll talk a little baseball with him, and a little runaway bride with him as well, and we'll get to that tomorrow night. So until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:20 Caller This is Adam Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management, or the sponsors of this radio station.

1:36:29 Caller And you're probably not the views of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:36:31 Caller Loveline is produced by Anne Wilkins Engel. Now, please listen to this station longer.

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Sunday, August 1, 1999