Episode 1000754887597

0:00 Voiceover This is the Loveline One Minute Warning. Sex, drugs, disease, and addiction, served up fresh in 50 seconds. Adam's occasional humor and Drew's plethora of knowledge unleashed in 40 seconds. The world's dumbest callers can be heard coast to coast in 30 seconds. And life gets just a little bit better in only 20 seconds. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6.

1:02 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:05 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:10 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew. I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:15 Voiceover Loveline.

1:16 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-E-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician in addiction medicine special.

1:32 Drew Why is that funny?

1:33 Adam I just like the post you have on at the beginning of the show. You just shot me. Oh, Christ. Another show. Look, it looks like we never leave this goddamn studio, isn't it, Drew?

1:44 Yeah. Yeah.

1:45 Adam It's way too much of each other, isn't it? All right. Our guest tonight is Vertical Horizon. We have Keith Kane, Matt Scannell and Sean Hurley, all from the band. And Ed, I believe, is going to be coming in here a little bit later on. And there will be a rare live acoustical Loveline performance tonight, which we're looking forward to. Yeah, you guys go. Yeah, thanks.

2:12 Vertical Horizon Oh, yeah.

2:12 Adam Thanks a lot. We're going to do it.

2:14 Vertical Horizon Woo-hoo.

2:17 Adam Well, that's confidence. I like that. No, I mean, I know the answer wasn't real confident, but we don't have too many. I mean, Drew, how many live performances have we had here in the last four or five years?

2:30 Drew Six, five, something like that.

2:31 Adam Yeah, maybe. Well, Andy Dick, nine times.

2:34 Drew Andy Dick, four times, yeah.

2:35 Adam And then the verve pipe once four years ago.

2:37 Drew Jewel.

2:37 Adam Oh, Jewel, yes. Oh, yeah?

2:39 Drew Yeah.

2:40 Adam Oh, that's right. That's right. What is that?

2:42 Drew What is that?

2:43 Adam Then there's, of course, John Popper. There's me and you jamming with, of course, John Popper on it.

2:48 Oh, here it is now.

2:50 Adam Yes. That's Drew on the bass guitar. And what am I playing this time, Drew?

2:54 Drew Bass guitar.

2:55 Adam Oh, I'm playing bass? Wait a minute.

2:58 Vertical Horizon I thought I was... Mythical terms.

2:59 Adam I thought you were playing the bass.

3:01 Vertical Horizon All right.

3:01 Adam Well, anyway, the point is, we've done our share of jamming, but not tonight. We're going to let you guys fly solo. I hope you're all right with that. So did you guys meet in college at Georgetown? Did I hear that?

3:17 Yeah. Keith and I met our senior year at school, and he had a show, a weekly coffee house gig, and I just sort of came down with him and sat in for a couple of gigs, and it just started to go well.

3:29 Adam And playing at a weekly coffee house, just doing what? I mean, like just playing acoustically?

3:40 Yeah. You know, cover songs, the originals that we had written at that time, it was mostly just a way to quickly make 40 bucks and have a place where our friends could come down and drink free beer.

3:50 Adam You couldn't just salvage some dignity and blow guys for the 40 like I did?

3:55 Well, I don't know about Matt, but I did.

3:57 I mean, don't discount it.

3:59 Adam Don't discount it, man. And did everyone finish college then and then go off, as far as you just go screw it, we're forming a band.

4:07 Keith and I finished college because it was the right thing to do. And our good friend Sean here did his stint with the Berklee College of Music in Boston. Fine institution.

4:19 Adam They have a Berklee College of Music in Boston?

4:21 Vertical Horizon It's not really a real school. Certainly no Berklee like out here. They spell it wrong.

4:26 Drew But it's hardcore.

4:27 Vertical Horizon Oh, yeah.

4:28 Drew Hardcore. I flew out when I came back from Minneapolis last week. I flew out next to a woman who went to the Berklee School of Music. I don't know what her instrument was, but her degree was in like recording art, which I thought very bizarre because I thought it was a fine art school basically. Music school. It's everything.

4:43 Vertical Horizon Yeah. It's everything. It's real up to date too. They have MIDI. They've got everything there, but they also let anybody in. If you got 50 bucks and you want to go.

4:54 Adam Well, Drew went to SC, so it's the same thing at least for grad school. Speaking of Boston, Dicky from the Mighty, Mighty Ballstones will be in here tomorrow night. It doesn't say it up there, but I'm just doesn't say it up there.

5:08 Drew Is it just Dicky?

5:09 Adam I know all the Ballstones are in town. They're shooting a video. They got a new CD coming out. He's going to bring it with him tomorrow and we'll debut it because it's not coming out for a few months.

5:18 Drew But I will debut the video.

5:20 Adam No, we're going to debut the music, goofball. Got a new CD. I know I said they're in here shooting a video. They got a new CD coming out. It's audio.

5:28 Drew Got it.

5:29 Adam Right, right. Well, we can show the video here if they haven't cut together fast enough. So Vertical Horizon tonight, Boss Tones tomorrow night. I think we'll go to the phones. I'll give you guys some locations where you can find Vertical Horizon, some tour dates and things like that. Remember, they're going to play live at the beginning of the next break. So about 20 minutes from now and until then, we'll hop on the phones. Mike, you're 16. What's up?

5:58 Caller Well, I heard, always heard that smoking causes impotence, right? Smoking cigarettes.

6:02 Drew Smoking cigarettes, yeah.

6:03 Caller Well, I am a smoker, but nine times out of ten when I have a cigarette, I get an erection.

6:09 Drew Yeah, but you're 16. How many hours during the day is that not happening?

6:13 Caller Yeah, but I mean, it's-

6:15 Drew You know what I mean?

6:15 Adam Good point, yeah.

6:17 Caller Because I mean, yeah, honestly, he'd get a muller at this age. Yeah. I mean, that's not helpful. But it's most noticeable when I'm having a cigarette.

6:25 Drew Well, your heart rate goes up and I suppose there could be some, I think, other physiological-

6:31 Adam All I can think of when we talk to these 16-year-olds that are getting these unwanted erections all over the place is it's too bad you can't bank those. You can't just squirrel them away.

6:41 Drew Right.

6:41 Adam Like I would have a good 2,500 from my 10th grade year of high school, just floating around that I could call on when I'm in my 70s and my prostate is inflamed that I've lost my will to live. First off, you get interest because it's been 50 years. Secondly, I don't even know if I can have one of those anymore, one of those erections. Sure, I get an erection. I'm not even sure whose it is. I may have dipped into someone else's vault.

7:11 Drew Do you mean the diamond cutting thing or the...

7:12 Adam Yeah. I get a sort of erection now where my penis is kind of like, all right, I'll have an erection. But I'll give you about 75, 80 percent, but it's not going to be one of those on the bus on the way into high school when you wore the sweatpants. It's not going to be that erection.

7:33 Drew Some people get some erections with stimulants and nicotine is a stimulant. So it makes some sense to me that you might be getting it now. But the most significant issue with tobacco and impotency is a narrowing of the arteries, arterial damage as you get older. So it takes many decades for that to happen. And that's when it goes bad.

7:49 Adam An interesting study you've done on yourself, Mike. Drew, you'll publish that next month's JAMA?

7:55 Drew Sure.

7:56 Caller You constantly see this in here, but then it's like, whoa, this is different than what they tell us.

8:02 Vertical Horizon Right.

8:02 Adam It's a very mixed message.

8:03 Vertical Horizon You're 16.

8:04 Adam You're 16, Mike.

8:05 Drew It's going to go bad.

8:06 Adam Do anything you want. All right.

8:08 Drew There you go.

8:08 Caller Just keep loving it, Mike.

8:10 Adam Greg?

8:11 Drew Yeah.

8:12 Adam You're 18?

8:13 Caller I'm 18.

8:14 Adam What is up?

8:16 Caller Thing is, man, like, okay, in my sexual experience, first of all, I have to say, me and my friends, we enjoy the man show.

8:24 Adam Good.

8:25 Caller We like it very much.

8:26 Adam Thank you.

8:27 Caller We're starting to win the women over towards it. They're becoming immune to it now.

8:33 Drew It's different. They're becoming immune to it. It's not winning them over.

8:36 Adam They're like roaches after the nuclear holocaust.

8:39 Caller It's starting to sink in to their minds.

8:41 Adam Well, thank you.

8:42 Caller Now they expect it. Summer is starting to look forward to it.

8:45 Adam Well, don't worry. We're working on a new season that's going to repulse them even more. It'll push them out to the finish line.

8:51 Caller That's good. I like that. More beer.

8:53 Adam What's up there, Greg?

8:54 Caller Okay. Basically, I started going out with this girl that I didn't really know too well. We talked about it before we had sex. It was one of the sporadic nights where…

9:06 Drew Hold on. You talked about what?

9:08 Caller Well, okay. Well, basically, we met up one night through some friends. We didn't say a word to each other the whole night that we were out. But then somehow she ended up sleeping on one couch. I ended up sleeping on the other. And we ended up having sex out of the blue. It was the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.

9:25 Drew I thought you said you talked about it beforehand.

9:28 Caller Well, I mean, like right before we were about to have intercourse.

9:32 Adam I am in you now. Please stop screaming.

9:37 Drew And why, Greg, did you include that?

9:38 Adam I'm putting the pillow over your head now.

9:40 Drew Why did you include that in your story?

9:42 Adam Because we are the world's dumbest callers.

9:45 Drew What was the importance of that little fact in your story? We talked about it beforehand. Meaning you went, do you have anything? I don't know, do you have anything? Okay, let's go.

9:54 Adam I'm in.

9:55 Drew I'm done.

9:56 Caller Like, I mean, I'm good friends with the people that she was like closest to, like, she...

10:01 Drew I forget it, I forget it, Gregg, please. You're not listening.

10:04 Adam Okay, so you had Sackler and what?

10:07 Caller And basically some swords showed up, she said she had nothing, they went away...

10:15 Drew The majority of women that have herpes don't know they have it. Majority.

10:21 Adam And the rest are in denial.

10:22 Caller I talked to some other people and they said, well maybe it's just like a yeast infection. I didn't even think you guys could get that.

10:28 Drew No, guys can, but it's just basically sort of a red irritated skin, it's not scabbing.

10:34 Adam What do you have? Because I had one of those yeast things once.

10:37 Drew Gregg, you gotta get this checked out, it could even be syphilis can do this, LGV can do this, there are various illnesses, but herpes being the most common.

10:43 Caller Because the first one was four scabs and they were almost in a square, and then it went away for about two weeks and it came back and it was almost like a circle with like a little line coming out of a part of the circle.

10:55 Adam First one was the big dip or second was Orion's Belt.

10:58 Caller Wasn't it a crop circle?

11:00 Caller Yeah, Adam, you are a funny, funny man.

11:03 Yeah, alright, thank you.

11:04 Drew When you get an outbreak, you gotta get a doctor to look at it, okay? You do, Gregg, you do.

11:09 Adam Alright, there you go, Gregg.

11:12 Drew Probably herpes.

11:13 Adam Peace.

11:14 Drew Ulcers, recurrents.

11:16 Adam Yeah, because they went away and then they came back, right?

11:19 Caller Yeah.

11:19 Adam Alright, Gregg.

11:20 Alright, there you go.

11:21 Drew Sort of atypical how fast they came out of it, how fast they went away, how fast they came back.

11:25 Adam Yeah, what is it?

11:26 Caller Can herpes, in certain situations, doesn't it, isn't it mild for some people and harsher for others?

11:33 Drew Absolutely.

11:34 Adam That's right.

11:34 Drew Why do you ask?

11:35 Caller Okay, alright.

11:36 Adam He doesn't want to go to the doctor.

11:38 Caller Well, I mean, I'll go to the doctor. I mean, that's not really a problem for me. I'm not scared to get tested or anything like that, but it's just the fact that I'm just hoping it's mild if that's what it is.

11:49 Drew Well, it's clearly mild, but if that's what it is based on what you're describing, it is very mild.

11:53 Caller Yeah, because I mean, it didn't really, only the second time did it itch at all.

11:57 Drew I understand. It's mild if that's what this is.

12:00 Caller Don't they have medicine now for that?

12:02 Drew To decrease the duration and frequency of outbreaks, that kind of thing is pretty effective.

12:06 Adam Graham? Yes? Drew, tilt the screen down, would you? All right. 27, yes. What's up?

12:12 I assume you guys might have some notes on what I told the person earlier, but...

12:15 Adam I don't.

12:17 The basic story is of an Indian girl for three months. She got pregnant and neither of us are in a position in our lives where we can afford to have a child. And basically she sat down and she decided to terminate the pregnancy. That's been what my call was all along. And basically, I guess I was a little adamant in my position, I guess you could say. And now basically she's just... she's not very happy that she's going through this. And I don't know whether she sees my point of view or not. And you know, now she's beginning to start in with the, you know, when you're giving something, you have to deal with it. And she's telling me I'm selfish, I'm immature. And basically I'm just trying to figure out a good way to make her see my point of view.

13:08 Drew How could she ever call you selfish?

13:09 I don't understand that.

13:11 Adam Is she done it yet or not?

13:13 It's probably going to happen Friday or Saturday. And I guess what I've offered to do is, I mean, it's pretty much a given thing that this is going to be over with when we're not going to be able to date anymore.

13:27 Adam You're not going to be able to date when this is done?

13:29 Yeah, I think it's gotten to the point where...

13:31 Drew She's seen his true colors.

13:33 Yeah, maybe that's it. I've seen her true colors. And, you know, it's gotten so bad that basically it's uncomfortable for us to even be in the same room. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to go with her to the counseling session. I guess that happens beforehand. And I don't know whether she's going to want me to go with the procedure or not, but I'm just trying to get her to see my point of view.

14:00 Adam But hey, but listen, Graham, you're 27, you haven't learned anything about women. First off, you have to pretend like everything's their idea. Kind of like our program director over here, K-Rock. You have to pretend like everything was their idea. And there's no use, I mean, they're going to resent you. It's a very difficult situation for them. They're going to have a lot of mixed emotions. If you're sure this is something she's going to do, then I would just completely be supportive and tell her you know what she's going through, explain how you didn't want to talk about, but you had an abortion in high school that you've never discussed before. I've done that. They'll go along with it if you start crying. No, just, you know what I mean?

14:42 Caller Like, if I had it from several, so many different angles, it's not even funny.

14:46 Adam Yeah, but listen, Graham, she's getting the abortion, right?

14:52 Caller I'm hoping so. I mean, she's gone as far as to make the appointment.

14:54 Adam Well, we'll assume that she's getting the abortion. So your work is done. Now your job is to pretend like she can do whatever she wants. You're completely supportive. You know what I'm saying? Why? It's not a class assignment. It's not a speech and debate class. It's not something you have to win or lose. Your job is to try to keep the relationship intact.

15:20 Caller Well, the point is I'd still like her to go through with this.

15:25 Adam She's going to do it.

15:26 Caller Well, at this point, it looks like she is. She could get halfway there and say, no, turn around.

15:32 Adam All right. Well, if she does that, you drive the car off the cliff. That's what I do.

15:36 Caller I've considered that thought.

15:37 Adam All right. Wow, Graham, you really hate kids. God bless you. I wish more of our callers hated kids as much as you do. I respect that.

15:46 Caller I know I'm not in a position to raise a kid.

15:49 Adam Ironically, you're probably in a better position than three quarters of the people who call the show who have gotten their girlfriends pregnant. But still not a good enough position, and that's fine. Here's the deal. Don't argue with her too much. Be nice. Be supportive.

16:03 Caller Basically, I'm just shutting up and letting her vent on me.

16:06 Drew She is going to feel a lot of pain and loss. A lot.

16:10 Adam Graham, you're kind of a dick, right?

16:13 Caller I'm kind of a dick?

16:14 Adam Well, I mean, you're turning this whole thing into a war of wills. Who's going to win? Okay, so I just shut up and she vents on me?

16:21 Drew Yeah.

16:22 Caller It's not so much a war of wills as much as it is that I know I'm not prepared at this point in time.

16:27 Drew But everything we say gets back to me and I. Everything.

16:32 Caller It is about me. It's about...

16:33 Drew It's not about you. That's the point.

16:35 Adam That's what she gets and that's what your colors are and that's what you've shown. That is the hand you've shown and that's why she's pissed at you.

16:43 Drew She would be absolutely violated by that point of view.

16:46 Adam Graham, you need to swallow a little pride and bite your lip and do one or two other cliches and just say, I know what you're going through, I'm sorry, it must be horrible, I want to be there anyway I can. She'll get the abortion and you won't come off looking like what you really are. All right? All right. Just shut up and nod your head a little bit.

17:07 Caller All right, man.

17:08 Adam All right. I tell you, it takes a while to figure that out with women, but guys, right? Shut up and nod. It's a lot of, oh man. All women want you to say is, here's your mantra, man, it must be horrible what you're going through. Whatever it is, whether it's work, period, abortion, whatever. Their friend Tammy, once in a while you have to change around, oh it's horrible what Tammy's going through. But just a lot of head nodding and a lot of, oh that is tough, that is horrible.

17:41 Drew You get clipped that way too though. There's got to be something a little more to it.

17:44 Adam Yeah, but that's a good start.

17:45 Drew It's a start, yeah.

17:46 Adam Yeah. Yeah, no, because-

17:49 Drew Most of the world how they get at you too when you be swear that it still becomes your problem.

17:55 Adam Just nod your head, say that's horrible and you feel for them.

18:00 Caller I think the bottom line too is we don't have to go out and actually have it done to us, so.

18:04 Adam Yeah. The reality is we would be much better with it emotionally than they would.

18:10 Drew Except-

18:11 Adam You know what I mean?

18:12 Drew It's a non-sequitur because-

18:14 Adam It's a catch-22.

18:15 Drew It's catching a separate system.

18:17 Adam I agree with you, but I think guys look at it that way. Guys look at, all right, it's, hey, I grant you, it's not pretty and I wouldn't want to do it, but I could handle it. I don't want the kid anyway. We don't have all the hormones raging and the mothering and all these instincts, thank you, that they have. Saying Graham really doesn't have it. Well, when I say they, I mean them. Sarah, you're 19.

18:46 Caller Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm still trying to get over that jerk.

18:49 Okay.

18:51 Caller Oh, he hit a spot. Anyway, I'm sorry. First, I want to say, Dr. Drew, we're talking about you tonight at work and everybody just adores you.

19:00 That's right. I just all think you are such a great guy. You are. We all look up to you.

19:05 Caller I just look up to you so much. You just don't know.

19:08 Drew I've had anal sex.

19:09 Adam Oh, no. How much you look up to him.

19:14 Drew I apologize for my friends.

19:16 Caller That's okay.

19:17 You're such a great guy.

19:18 Caller Adam, you are so funny.

19:20 Caller You are cute.

19:22 Vertical Horizon I look up to you. Thanks, dude.

19:25 Caller Oh, he's such a good guy.

19:26 Caller All right. Wait a minute. The reason I'm calling is because my boyfriend and I have been together just for about a month. He has three kids and I love kids.

19:40 Drew How old are you?

19:41 Caller I'm 19.

19:41 Drew How old is he?

19:42 Caller He's 29.

19:44 Drew How did that happen?

19:45 We worked together.

19:46 Caller It just happened.

19:48 Adam Does he look up to Drew?

19:50 Caller No, he doesn't even know Drew is.

19:52 Caller I make him look at it, but I don't think he really looks up to him.

19:55 Adam Not everyone you work with looks up to Drew then, right?

19:57 Caller Well, all the girls do.

19:59 Adam I'm sure he has a 17 year old that looks up to Drew.

20:03 Drew Where do you work? What kind of place?

20:05 Caller I work for a travel agency.

20:07 Adam All right.

20:07 Drew And he's a travel agent?

20:09 Caller No, no, no. We work in the marketing department.

20:11 Adam Because there's no, all male travel agents are gay, right? It's true, right? Sarah, do you work with travel agents?

20:24 Caller Yeah.

20:24 Adam Aren't they horrible women? They're horrible, despicable people, aren't they?

20:28 Caller No, they're not.

20:29 Adam Yes, they are. What happened to the marriage? I worked at one for two weeks. I want to kill all those old bitches.

20:35 Drew What happened to his marriage?

20:37 Caller Well, he had two children. He wasn't married with this one girl. She didn't want to get married.

20:45 Drew I'm sure not. What do you mean she didn't want to get married with two kids with him?

20:50 Caller She didn't want to get married.

20:51 Drew That is a bunch of crap.

20:52 Adam Well, I'll put it this way. Either he's putting a spin on it or worse, it's true.

20:58 Caller She really is independent, though. She's a person.

21:01 Adam No, no, no. It means like he took a swing at her or something. Listen, if you're a woman who has two kids with a guy and you don't want to marry him, either he's strung out on heroin or you have some serious issues.

21:18 Caller Oh, that's so scary.

21:20 Adam Well, you think he may have that potential?

21:23 No, I don't.

21:24 Caller I really don't.

21:25 Drew Do you come from any history where you might have picked somebody like that?

21:29 Caller Well, I guess.

21:31 Drew What was your dad like?

21:33 My dad?

21:33 Caller Oh, man. My dad was like the world class loser.

21:37 Drew What was his deal?

21:38 Caller He was, well, which one?

21:41 Drew Which dad?

21:42 Caller Well, my mom's remarried.

21:45 Drew You're a biological dad.

21:46 Caller My biological dad? Well, he was a nice guy. He was just an alcoholic. He was just a non-functioning alcoholic.

21:54 Drew So he never worked?

21:55 Caller Well, he did. He had a degree and everything, but he just stopped working all of a sudden. He just worked at a bar now, I guess. He just totally vanished out of my life.

22:04 Drew How old were you then?

22:07 Caller Well, they got divorced when I was four.

22:09 Caller I've seen him when I was six. I've seen him like twice since then.

22:13 Adam I see you have the capacity to hook up with a guy who might have a substance abuse problem, right?

22:17 Caller Oh, yeah.

22:20 Drew So does this guy have a substance problem?

22:22 Caller No, not really. I know he smoked hot on occasion. We've gone to parties before. But that kind of bothers me too. I mean, he got three kids. Get over it.

22:33 Drew Why did this marriage end?

22:35 Caller His last marriage end, they just both decided that it didn't work.

22:39 Drew Oh, that's more spinning. He's just blowing so much smoke at you.

22:42 Adam Who's this guy's publicist?

22:45 Vertical Horizon Can we get them on board?

22:46 Adam Yeah.

22:46 Caller Very, very good.

22:48 Adam Hey, well, listen, Sarah.

22:49 Caller Yeah.

22:50 Adam Okay, here's the deal.

22:51 Caller I just don't know if I want to meet him. He wants me to meet the kids, and I don't know if I want to get it.

22:54 Drew Don't. No. Don't do it. That's the best instinct you've had. This entire phone call, that's the one clear, healthy instinct you've had. Oh, good. Unless you're going to marry this guy, do not get involved with the kids.

23:04 Caller Oh, God, no. No, not that.

23:07 Caller I didn't have a relationship with them.

23:09 Adam Okay. Listen, don't be momma number three.

23:12 Caller No, that's the thing. I don't want to be like them.

23:14 Adam Well, listen, nobody wants to be, but you all turn out that way, don't you?

23:17 Oh, God, no.

23:19 Drew By the way, is it number three only?

23:22 Adam Technically, you could be momma number four. No, he had two kids with the one woman who didn't want to get married.

23:27 Caller He got married, and then he's getting, he's, I don't know if he actually, I don't know if the divorce went through.

23:33 Adam Oh, Sarah's there, baby.

23:34 Love it, love it. A 19-year-old.

23:36 Adam Princess, you're 19, come on. You're 19, you're free, you don't have any baggage. Why don't you just find yourself a nice 21-year-old guy and date him?

23:45 Caller Yeah, you don't have any babies.

23:46 Adam Right.

23:47 Caller Thank God.

23:48 Adam All right, Sarah?

23:49 Caller Yeah.

23:49 Adam What's up with you? How can you be desperate at 19?

23:52 Caller I don't know.

23:53 Caller It's not that I'm desperate.

23:55 Adam No, I know, but everyone's daddy now. Come on, knock that off, please.

24:00 I just had a really bad boyfriend before.

24:02 Adam I know. I know. Listen.

24:03 Caller You have to get over it.

24:05 Adam Yes, but your antenna's bent. We don't trust this guy. You're attracted to him. That means there's something up with him. Get a little therapy, read a book, take a walk.

24:13 Caller I've been in therapy for three years.

24:15 Adam All right.

24:16 Drew That's why you know not to get married to this guy and why not to meet the kids.

24:19 Adam Good. Another three years and you won't be attracted to him at all. All right. Three more years after that, you'll be a stone lesbian.

24:26 Drew Oh, God.

24:27 Adam That's right. That's what therapy does.

24:29 Okay.

24:29 Adam All right, Sarah.

24:30 Thank you.

24:31 Drew Good luck. Sarah.

24:33 Adam Glad we could help.

24:34 Drew Okay.

24:35 Adam Here's basically what this show is. People call in wanting to do stuff. We tell them why they can't. They're like, I met someone. I think I'm falling in love.

24:43 Drew No, you're not.

24:44 Move out of the country.

24:47 Adam Cut your vagina off. No. Do not talk to that person ever again. Yeah. Cement it over. They're like a well. All right. We are going to take ourselves a little break. Vertical Horizon is going to play for us, right? When we come back.

25:01 Caller Whenever you guys want. We're going to do it.

25:02 Adam I think we're going to do it when we come back and that'll be.

25:05 Drew No, no. I think it was after the top, top of the hour. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. I think the next hour at the top of the hour.

25:11 Adam Am I going nuts?

25:12 Drew Yes. Because I asked that question. I thought they were saying.

25:14 Adam Can Dara say after the first break?

25:16 Drew After the top of the hour they were talking about.

25:18 Caller You know what? If you're going nuts though, I think you're in the right room.

25:21 Adam I think what we'll do is, he doesn't help his own. He just helps arrange his. What we're going to do is, then we'll come back, we'll hear something from Vertical Horizon off the CD, and then they'll play live when we come back. All right. After this. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. Vertical Horizon is our guest tonight. Keith, Matt, and Sean are here. Ed will be in here in the next hour when these guys play live. Everything You Want is the name of the CD. We are going to hear something off of that CD. As a matter of fact, we're going to hear the title cut. Drew, are you all right with that? Such a good record.

26:33 Drew Everything You Want.

26:33 Vertical Horizon The excitement is building.

26:35 Adam Good. Let's hear that, and then we'll be back. That is Everything You Want off Everything You Want. Vertical Horizon is the name of the band, and we just had a conversation with them during the song, which sounds real good, by the way, which is how often should you chime in? And the point is, is I'll go out in the parking lot and smoke right now if you want to.

30:52 Vertical Horizon All right, I got you back. I'm chiming in right here.

30:55 Adam People think that we're gonna take some sort of offense to people chiming in, and the reality is, we'll be here tomorrow night, and then we'll be here the next night.

31:03 Caller Yeah, this is my Loveline appearance. I'm fired up.

31:06 Vertical Horizon I've been waiting forever.

31:07 Adam Get On It.

31:07 Caller All right. Really?

31:09 Adam Make as big a ass yourself as you like.

31:10 Caller Yeah, screw you guys.

31:11 Here we go.

31:12 Adam Next one. The only thing about this show is, as long as it's real, as long as it's organic, and there's gonna be, people say, guests say all the time, oh, man, I didn't want to say anything during that last call because it was so serious. And it's like, well, then don't say anything funny, but you can say something serious if you want. Just be human, and if you have something to say, say it, and if you don't, don't, either way, it doesn't matter, but don't hold yourselves back. And it's all right, we'll shut your mics off, you get too out of hand. We've only had to do it a few times. I can't remember who was in here. It's been a while.

31:50 Drew Since you shut a guest's mic off.

31:51 Vertical Horizon Yeah, yours has been turned off.

31:53 Adam Yeah, mine's been, Drew's been shut off a few times. Mine gets, yeah, I think Fletcher from Pennywise.

31:59 Drew Yeah, Fletcher, but now that I ask him to turn my mic off, he won't do it.

32:02 Adam Yeah, well, because he wants to play on his computer and I won't tolerate that. Melissa?

32:07 Hi.

32:07 Adam Hey, you're 17. What's up?

32:09 Caller Yeah, I have, I've been meaning to call lately. I'm 17 and I've had a lot, I have like a lot of health problems and I was born with spina bifida. I don't know if you know what that is.

32:22 Drew Oh yeah, what kind of spina bifida?

32:25 Caller I don't know, I don't know if there was a difference.

32:26 Drew There's like meningomyelosyles and there's, was your spinal cord outside your body?

32:30 Caller I don't think so now.

32:32 Adam How's that go there?

32:34 Drew It's the last closure area of the neural tube and sometimes it stays open, the spinal cord just floats out.

32:39 Caller Really? I thought there was only one point.

32:41 Drew Are you paralyzed?

32:42 Adam I think part of my penis is buried inside of my body. Is that possible?

32:46 Drew Pina bifida?

32:47 Adam Pina bifida. Pina buttera.

32:51 Drew All right.

32:52 Adam So the spine's in you, right?

32:53 Drew Nice try.

32:53 Caller Yeah.

32:54 Adam There you go.

32:54 Caller Yeah. I had 17 surgeries.

32:57 Drew Are you paralyzed?

32:58 Caller No. No.

32:59 Drew Good. So you're in good shape.

33:00 Caller Yeah. I'm in good shape.

33:01 Adam 17 surgeries.

33:01 Caller I haven't even got out of anything, but I still have been a lot of health problems.

33:06 Adam How's the 17 surgeries work though, and how much do you trust the doctor around like 14? When he's going, we're going to take care of it this time. Yeah, right.

33:14 Drew It's basically creating a bony roof over the spinal cord, I bet.

33:17 Caller Yeah. I've had a lot of surgeries done the same, like, repeatedly, and I just had one, like, a few weeks ago.

33:23 Drew Do you have asthma?

33:24 Caller Me?

33:24 Drew Yeah.

33:25 Caller Yeah.

33:25 Drew I hear you wheezing. You've got to take care of it. Use your inhalers.

33:28 Caller No, I don't really use them very much.

33:30 Drew Well, that's part of the reason you're... I mean, asthma is something you have to take care of. You can get emphysema if you don't keep it under control.

33:36 Caller OK.

33:37 Drew OK. I mean, I can hear it.

33:39 Caller Oh, OK. But I'm waiting for him to have sex after, you know, I get married and stuff, you know, when I'm stable. And I'm allergic to latex. And I was wondering, what do I do about my condoms and stuff like that?

33:56 Drew Polyurethane condoms?

33:58 Caller Huh? I'm sorry, what did you say?

33:59 Drew Polyurethane.

34:00 Caller OK. I've never heard of that name.

34:01 Drew Or animal skin condoms? Lamb skin, yeah.

34:03 Caller OK.

34:04 Drew Animal skin. And what about the pill?

34:06 Caller That's true. Yeah.

34:07 Drew You've got lots of options. Don't worry, latex is not the only thing out there.

34:10 Adam So how's the outlook for you?

34:12 Drew Oh, it's good. Good, good, good.

34:14 Adam She ain't through.

34:14 Drew No, she's going to be fine. I don't want her to feel sort of, you know what I mean?

34:20 Adam Make her feel impaired. Well, is she going to be all right? Is she going to be able to live a normal life?

34:25 Caller Well, I know that I'm going to have to have like a surgery or something before I even really talk to the doctor about anything.

34:30 Drew Before what?

34:31 Caller I guess like before I had like sex or something like that.

34:34 Drew Why is that?

34:34 Caller I don't know. I was only, the last time I went to the doctor like about the sexual matters was like when I was 12 or 13.

34:41 Drew You should talk again about it. It's time.

34:43 Caller I really don't really want to.

34:45 Drew No, I know. It's time.

34:46 Adam Why do you need, I mean, certain positions or something?

34:48 Caller I don't know.

34:49 Adam I think I could have sex with you. It wouldn't be a problem.

34:51 Drew That's the point. I think it's not going to be anything.

34:53 Caller I really don't know.

34:54 Drew You said you had addressed sexual issues when you were 12?

34:56 Caller Yeah, about when I was 13.

34:59 Drew What was the issue then?

35:01 Caller Just the checkup. My first new doctor.

35:03 Drew Yeah. No, no. I don't think this is going to be a big deal at all.

35:06 Caller Okay.

35:07 Adam All right.

35:08 Drew But you do need to talk to your doctor about these things for sure.

35:10 Adam All right, Melissa. Thanks. The Lord is a great one, isn't he?

35:18 Caller Latex.

35:19 Adam Yeah. Well, the thing that's funny is it's like God's like, all right, we'll give her spina bifida, we'll give her asthma and let's throw in allergies to latex too. Why not? Come on, I want to roll with this one. Poor kid.

35:31 Drew You know what's interesting about medical illness? Ten percent of the population has 90 percent of the illnesses. Wow.

35:36 Adam Yeah. Really? They're horned at all. We don't get our share.

35:39 Drew All of us, as we get older, eventually join that 10 percent.

35:42 Adam What is that? I mean, does she have a greater likelihood of being allergic to latex?

35:47 Drew She's asthmatic. She's asthmatic.

35:48 Adam Because of all the other? Is there a weakened immune system that she has?

35:52 Drew Allergic diathesis. People that are allergic are allergic and have asthma. It's sort of a whole syndrome of atopy, it's called.

35:59 Adam Is asthma associated with allergic allergies? Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. Okay.

36:05 Caller I got a question. How much would 17 surgeries cost someone?

36:10 Drew I don't know if it's acne surgery different than neurosurgery.

36:13 Caller Well, I mean, what we're talking about here.

36:14 Drew I don't know. I have no idea.

36:15 Caller A lot? Too much.

36:16 Drew Well, she's in an HMO, zero. It depends.

36:19 Adam Yeah. But we all pay. 17 is too many. Isn't that the right answer for everything? We all pay.

36:26 Drew Except the ones that don't.

36:27 Adam Don't pay. Right. Except for, okay. So all of us pay except for those who don't pay.

36:31 Drew Except when you get the services they don't pay.

36:32 Adam That's right. Kim, you're 16.

36:35 Caller Yeah.

36:35 Adam What's up?

36:36 Caller I'm in love with my best friend.

36:38 Vertical Horizon All right.

36:39 Adam You got that little girl voice. You know what it makes us nervous.

36:41 Vertical Horizon How old are you?

36:42 Caller I'm 16.

36:42 Vertical Horizon All right.

36:43 Adam Yeah.

36:44 Caller I'm in love with my best friend who's all female.

36:47 Adam Oh, we're gambling on you.

36:49 Vertical Horizon What do you think of that?

36:50 Adam Yeah.

36:51 Caller I don't know how to tell her.

36:53 Adam Hey, Kim. We want to gamble on your past, all right?

36:56 Caller Okay.

36:57 Adam Yeah. Are we right to gamble?

36:59 Caller Sure.

37:00 Drew Oh, yeah.

37:00 Adam Do you know the show?

37:01 Caller Yeah.

37:02 Adam Have you heard the gambling before?

37:04 Caller Not really.

37:04 Adam Okay. Big fan then?

37:06 Caller Pulling out the wallet.

37:07 Adam All right. But you know we're gambling on your past because we figure there's something there.

37:13 Caller Okay.

37:13 Adam Would we be right to do that? I don't want to go down a dead end.

37:18 Caller No.

37:19 Adam No, we wouldn't be right?

37:21 Caller I don't understand what you mean.

37:22 Adam Okay. Anything weird? Don't tell me any detail, but anything juicy happened to you in the past? Anything strange?

37:31 Caller Oh, no.

37:31 Adam Grown up?

37:32 Caller No.

37:32 Adam Well, huh?

37:34 Caller No.

37:34 Adam No? Where's your dad?

37:36 Caller Oh, I live with both my parents.

37:38 Adam Oh, really? No one molested you?

37:41 Caller No.

37:42 Adam No one boozes or beats?

37:44 Caller No.

37:44 Adam Oh, I mean, Drew's putting his money back. He's kind of confused, too.

37:50 Drew No experimentation with your friends when you were like six years old?

37:53 Caller No.

37:53 Adam Well, how did you become a lesbian?

37:56 Caller I don't know.

37:57 Drew Are you a lesbian?

37:58 Caller Yes.

37:59 Adam You ever been with a woman?

38:01 Caller Not really.

38:05 Vertical Horizon What does not really mean?

38:07 Adam Well, the money's coming back out. Hold on a second, Kim. We got to take a break. All right?

38:13 Vertical Horizon Okay.

38:13 Adam All right. This is interesting now because she claims everything's good, but there's something going on.

38:19 Vertical Horizon I've heard that before though from listening to the show that you probe a little bit and you find they say no, nothing happened.

38:26 Drew Nothing happened.

38:28 Vertical Horizon Except that.

38:29 Adam But lately, and this is like the last couple of times we gamble, the last couple of nights have been nothing but snake eyes. Yeah. So we're really going to have to put the gloves on, Drew, and go to work.

38:40 Drew I'm ready.

38:40 Adam You work the body. I'm going to work the bathroom.

38:43 Drew Fair enough. I'm going to join you with that one.

38:45 Adam Vertical Horizon is our guest tonight. We'll come back with some good old fashioned Loveline gambling after this.

38:55 Caller We'll be right back with more.

38:57 Adam Loveline. It's Loveline. Keith, Matt, and Sean are all here from Vertical Horizon. Dickie will be in here tomorrow night from the Boss Stones. I don't know if any of the other tones will be in here.

39:39 Drew What's his buddy's name? I can't remember.

39:41 Adam Joe Gilman?

39:41 Drew Joe.

39:42 Adam Yeah. Joe just dances.

39:44 Drew No, no, no.

39:45 Caller Doesn't Joe just dance?

39:46 Drew He lives with.

39:47 Dickie?

39:49 Adam Dickie doesn't live with anybody.

39:50 Drew Always with the other guy. Joe, right?

39:51 Adam Joe, yeah.

39:53 Drew The dancing guy is a different guy.

39:54 Adam Oh, that's not Joe?

39:55 Drew No.

39:55 Adam I thought Joe danced.

39:56 Drew No, no, no.

39:56 Adam I'll tell you, I love the Boss Stones because they have a guy who just dances.

39:59 Caller Oh, so do we. So do we.

40:01 Adam Ed.

40:01 Caller Ed does that for us.

40:02 Adam Yeah, that's the best gig. It's not like he did a few colleges back in the late 80s and then, you know, they started to sell a few records and go on tour to Europe and left him behind. They take him.

40:13 Vertical Horizon He's in.

40:15 Adam He's probably in for an even cut. He's, I don't know, they must have ten records by now. He's been there the whole time and he dances.

40:24 Caller He like ero-ba sizes. He's like real high, you know, hard-core dancing. And he's kind of a big guy, too, isn't he?

40:30 Adam Yeah, kills me.

40:31 Caller I wonder how that happens, man. He must eat like 80 gallons of rice.

40:36 Drew Glasses, funky glass, some flunky hat, thick, you know, hard, classic glasses, thin tie, plaid.

40:42 Adam And goes out there and dances the whole time.

40:44 Caller I would gamble on his past, for sure.

40:46 Adam Well, tomorrow night, everybody. Anyway, we're here to gamble. That's right. All right. So we want to talk to Kim. Kim?

40:55 Caller Yeah.

40:55 Adam All right. So you consider yourself a lesbian, although you've not been with a woman.

41:00 Caller Well, not all the way, no.

41:02 Adam Not all the way. What base have you gotten to?

41:04 Caller Let's see.

41:05 Adam Yes, because the base is a little different with a woman. What?

41:08 Caller Let's see, second and a half on my way to third.

41:09 Adam Second and a half. But you got caught in a rundown or a pickle or what happened?

41:15 Caller Um, chickened out.

41:16 Adam Are you chickened out?

41:17 Drew And how old were you when this all got going?

41:18 Caller That was last year.

41:19 Adam Last year?

41:20 Drew Before that nothing happened.

41:21 Caller No, not really.

41:23 Caller How about with men, boys?

41:26 Adam Yeah, what basis?

41:28 Caller None.

41:28 Caller No basis?

41:29 Drew No basis.

41:30 Adam Alright, hold on.

41:31 Caller Can I ask a question?

41:32 Adam Well, I don't know. I thought we were going to gamble.

41:34 Drew One question. You ever been treated for depression? You ever been treated for depression?

41:39 Caller No.

41:41 Adam Now, see, this is tough because she said her parents are together. There's never any kind of wholesale abuse. I mean, what the hell are we going to get out of this?

41:49 Drew If I didn't hear her voice and she didn't give me that feeling, I would just say, oh, lesbian. So what?

41:55 Adam Right.

41:56 Drew But the way she presents herself, the way she makes one feel.

42:01 Adam I'm depressed. Yeah.

42:02 Drew You can't escape that kind of, wait a minute.

42:04 Caller She sounds like she's under a blanket with a flashlight with a phone right now.

42:08 Adam There's too much nuance here. I think we ought to screw the gambling with this one. Just try to get to it and gamble down the road. Kim, okay, why do we get that vibe from you?

42:18 Caller Probably because I'm trying not to wake up my parents.

42:21 Drew No, no.

42:23 Adam All right. So what's your dad do for a living?

42:25 Caller He works at a computer place.

42:26 Adam Aha. And does he work a lot? Does he pay attention?

42:31 Caller No, he works till like midnight sometimes.

42:34 Adam Yeah. Has he been there for you?

42:35 Caller No, not really.

42:37 Adam So he neglected you a little bit?

42:39 Caller No. This is my first time really living with my dad. I spent a lot of time with my mom and we moved around all the time.

42:46 Adam But I thought-

42:46 Vertical Horizon Just like I said, there it is.

42:48 Drew Hold on.

42:49 Caller We're gambling.

42:49 Adam Here we go. Didn't she just say her parents were together and everything was great?

42:54 Drew It was perfectly normal.

42:55 Caller What happened to the perfect idyllic parenthood there?

42:58 Caller But they're like in the same town.

43:01 Adam Okay. When did they get divorced?

43:03 Drew I feel so violated when people give me that crap.

43:05 Adam Me too. My answer is nine. They got divorced at nine.

43:09 Caller Yeah. Well, no. See, I don't consider my mom my real mom.

43:12 Vertical Horizon Here it comes. I need to borrow a dollar from somebody. All right.

43:16 Adam Why? And by the way, I don't either. But how come? What's your reason?

43:20 Caller Because she's not a very smart woman. Kind of childish.

43:26 Adam Okay. So that's not... So who would your real mom be? Would that be like Evelyn Wood or somebody who's a little more intelligent?

43:34 Drew Martha Stewart.

43:34 Adam She taught that speed reading. Jocelyn Elder, someone like that.

43:38 Drew When did you start living with your step mom?

43:41 Caller Huh?

43:41 Drew When did you start living with your step mom?

43:43 Caller I said about last year.

43:45 Drew Did you know your step mom before that?

43:46 Caller Oh, no. Not really.

43:48 Drew Did your mom... was she pretty tough to live with?

43:52 Caller She was really annoying because she'd go from boyfriend to boyfriend.

43:55 Drew Were you exposed to some of their behavior sexually?

43:58 Caller No.

43:58 Drew Huh?

43:59 Caller No.

44:00 Adam What... how were the boyfriends?

44:02 Caller They were very like obnoxious and old.

44:05 Drew What did they do to you?

44:06 Caller Nothing.

44:08 Adam Come on.

44:09 Caller Nothing.

44:09 Drew Kim?

44:10 Caller Nothing.

44:11 Adam Why did you dislike them so much?

44:14 Caller Because they were just real obnoxious and thought they could play a role as my father when they weren't even married to her.

44:20 Adam But real obnoxious like buying you things and taking you to the movies or disciplining you?

44:26 Caller No, like telling me what to do.

44:28 Adam Yeah.

44:29 Caller And, oh, I'm your new dad and I'm like, no you're not.

44:33 Drew Did any of them ever hit you?

44:34 Caller No.

44:35 Vertical Horizon Did they do anything to your mom?

44:37 Caller Not that I know.

44:38 Adam Were any of them alcoholics?

44:41 Caller I think one of them, but it was kind of hard to tell.

44:43 Adam Because he was drunk all the time?

44:46 Caller He seemed like it.

44:47 Adam Alright, so let me just get this straight. Boy, this thing's really starting to... It's like throwing an Alka-Seltzer tablet into a glass of water or something. It's really starting to go off.

44:59 Caller There's a pile of money here.

45:00 Adam Now. Yeah.

45:01 Drew We missed it.

45:02 Adam Alright, but see, our instincts were good from the voice and the whole thing, but it's just she screwed us at the top with the, everything's fine, my parents are still together. So Kim, let's just backtrack for one second here.

45:14 Caller Okay.

45:15 Adam Your mom and your dad originally got divorced when you were nine. Is that true?

45:21 Caller Sure.

45:22 Adam Is that true?

45:23 Caller Yes, sir.

45:23 Adam Okay. And then since then, your dad, or sorry, your mom has had a string of boyfriends who you haven't liked.

45:31 Caller Right.

45:32 Adam And you don't even consider her your mom because...

45:35 Drew You were mom.

45:36 Caller Yeah.

45:37 Drew You were the mom. What was it like before your dad skipped out?

45:42 Caller I don't really remember for some reason.

45:43 Caller It was okay.

45:44 Caller He worked all the time.

45:45 Drew Wait a minute.

45:46 Adam Not remembering is a bad thing.

45:48 Caller Well, he worked all the time and my mom was very, like, flaccid.

45:51 Drew Hey, my kids are talking to me about things that happened when they were three and they're seven now.

45:56 Adam Yeah.

45:56 Drew You don't remember anything before nine.

45:58 Adam One of them is a rehab story, by the way.

46:00 Drew By the way. By the way.

46:01 Adam Yeah. Why don't you remember stuff that happened just a few years ago?

46:05 Caller Well, I know that. He was a really good dad.

46:08 Drew Forget about dad. Why don't you remember your childhood?

46:10 Caller Oh, I do. But it's like, I don't know. I don't remember details.

46:13 Adam Okay.

46:14 Drew Was it painful?

46:15 Caller No.

46:16 Adam No. It was a great childhood.

46:17 Caller No, it wasn't great.

46:20 Drew Why wasn't it great?

46:21 Caller Because my mother was a flake.

46:23 Drew Was she a drug addict?

46:24 Caller No.

46:25 Drew What would she do? Give us an example of what was flaky about her.

46:28 Caller She'd waste her money on stupid stuff.

46:30 Adam Like what? Like ceramic stuff?

46:32 Caller Cigarettes or I don't know.

46:35 Adam Okay. All right. Hey, Kim? I don't think we're going to get to the bottom of it, but man, now that we have just a sort of mosaic of what is starting to go on or what had gone on here, we all get the eerie feeling that there may be even more here.

46:51 Drew Yeah. One quick question. Is your girl your best friend? Is she somebody needs a lot of sort of care?

46:58 Caller No, I don't think so.

46:59 Drew Okay.

47:00 Adam All right. How old is she?

47:02 Caller 15.

47:02 Adam All right. Hey, Kim? Mm-hmm. Well, why don't you? All right. Well, do what you want to do. I don't know. I'd take it slow if I were you, because I would bet that a lot of the motivation is not because you're still in love with your friend, but just because of the sort of sketchy past that you've had.

47:18 Drew Yep.

47:19 Adam You know what I'm saying?

47:21 Caller Okay.

47:21 Adam So why don't you just take it slow and be real cautious about it?

47:24 Drew You'd probably have trouble telling the difference between intimacy, friendship and love.

47:28 Caller I don't know, because sometimes she comes up to me and she's like, you know, for some reason I think I like you or something, and then the next minute she's all different.

47:36 Adam All right.

47:37 Caller Make a signal.

47:38 Adam Just take it slow, Kim. You're on the right track with the ladies. I really do. I really do believe that. All right.

47:44 Drew Well, imagine if you get into it with a man.

47:46 Adam We could waste it all that time. We have to, now ironically, take ourselves a break. But you can see there was, there's something driving that voice. We'll be back for Vertical Horizon after this.

47:58 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

48:01 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Yeah, this is Loveline. We're going to take ourselves a quick 10-second affiliate time out here, and we'll be back in just 10 seconds. This is Loveline on Radio Station. It's Loveline, I mean, we're all over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. The boss tones will be in here tomorrow night. Vertical Horizon is here tonight. Ed has joined his mates, Keith, Matt, and Sean on the drums or the box as it were. And we're going to hear something off of Everything You Want and what are we going to hear? You can just yell it.

49:21 Caller This is the first song on the record, it's called We Are.

49:23 Adam All right, let's hear it. Wow. Hey, is my mic on? Yeah, that was great. Vertical Horizon, everybody. That, uh, that not only sounded great, but if you knew the conditions in this studio, I mean, there's no sound check. Ed's playing a box stuffed with Drew's porn over there. The mic, we didn't have a mic on a stand. Everyone's just sort of yelling at a group of mics. Uh, Drew and I just took our mics and sort of appointed it in the general direction of the band. I mean, wow, that is really impressive.

54:22 Vertical Horizon That's how we made the album, though, so.

54:24 Adam It, uh, it worked. That sounded great. And that, uh, like I said, that is, uh, we do, we have a lot of bands on the show, and they sell a lot of records, but, um, not a lot of them would sound that good under, under these conditions, I would guess. And partly because they're drunk.

54:43 Caller You are them.

54:44 Adam I'm high, Drew. That's different. We're just like bourbon. You should know the difference.

54:48 Caller We're just getting started.

54:49 Adam Wow, that sounded, uh, that really sounded great.

54:51 Caller Thanks, guys.

54:51 Adam And it's, uh, it's really, you know, I never really, I was trying to, I was trying to, uh, get in the moment, in the middle of the song, and think to myself, you know, the band's great, we're sitting here, two and a half feet from, we're sitting on chairs while they stand in front of us. I mean, how many, how many people get the opportunity?

55:07 Caller I know.

55:07 Adam People wait in line, then they get shoved to the, then they're shoved to the back of some auditorium somewhere, and if they're lucky, they can get up on their boyfriend's shoulders and get a look, but it's nice. Nice to, uh, nice to sit right before him and get this spammed on by the band.

55:21 Vertical Horizon We're glad to share the moment with you.

55:23 Adam Yeah, that was, uh, that was really impressive.

55:24 Caller You guys are good listeners, too, you're very good listeners.

55:27 Adam I'll tell you, it, uh, it, Drew, uh, Drew paid you the highest compliment, he shut his computer about three quarters of the way into it. Maybe the thing went offline, I don't know what it was, but, uh, really, that, that really was, uh, impressive.

55:39 Vertical Horizon Thanks.

55:40 Adam Uh, and just for that, I'm gonna give a couple of plugs, uh, where you can find, uh, the band doing, uh, songs like that and more in a town, uh, near you. They're gonna be in, uh, Lafayette, Louisiana, I'm guessing, uh, coming up on the, uh, 26th of this month, the 29th, they'll be in, uh, Drew's, uh, second home, Minneapolis.

55:57 Drew Last week, second home.

55:58 Adam Last week, second home, uh, 34th, they'll be in, uh, Austin, Texas, and then, uh, 13th, uh, back here in Los Angeles, and, uh, they'll be in some other places. It's just, you can't hear us in those other places right now, I'm assuming. So, for all you know. So screw you. Screw you. There you go. All right. Drew, you, uh, find some, uh, places on there that we're on? That we should alert them to? No?

56:20 Drew Not yet.

56:21 Adam All right. We'll get, we'll get back on the phones then. Freddie.

56:24 Hi, Adam. Drew.

56:25 Adam Hey, you're 20. What's up?

56:27 Caller Hey, uh, hey, uh, Vertical Horizon. How's the, uh, standing performance?

56:30 Adam Oh, thanks, man.

56:31 Caller Thank you.

56:31 Adam Yeah. Bare bones, too, man.

56:33 Caller Um, almost as good as that, uh, Adam and, uh, Drew with, uh, John.

56:37 Adam Yeah, that was, that was, uh, that was rocking.

56:39 Drew Legendary.

56:40 Caller We can only hope to aspire to that.

56:42 Adam If you have, hey, hey, Anderson, do you have just a snippet of us when we're in full effect with John Popper, Drew on, uh, bass guitar, me on, uh, what was I playing, Drew?

56:52 Drew Bass guitar.

57:01 Adam Well, I think he's playing, but I'm playing the guitar and Drew's on the bass here, yeah.

57:10 Oh, yeah.

57:15 Adam I gotta get this on the outgoing message of my phone machine.

57:20 Caller You know, if you carried a big box, like a boombox around with you, when you're trying to pick up a chick, you could just play this.

57:25 This would work.

57:25 Adam That would work. Either that or Malamute. I think this would be better.

57:29 Drew Or a baby.

57:30 Adam Listen to Drew playing the bass. Listen to that.

57:32 Vertical Horizon Can I get some lessons, Drew?

57:34 Caller Oh, yeah, all right.

57:44 Adam Man, listen to Drew Stroman.

57:46 Caller That's me, I'm on a good time.

57:48 Caller Was this here in the studio?

57:49 Adam Yeah, it just says- Bare bones. Bare bones.

57:51 Caller It's fabulous.

57:52 Adam Yeah.

57:53 Caller Thank you. Thank you.

57:56 Adam All right, Anderson. I'm going to start.

58:00 Caller Ready? Hi.

58:02 Adam All right. So what's up with you?

58:03 Caller Well, I've had sex about five times in the last four years, and I've never been able to masturbate ever.

58:13 I know it's really disturbing.

58:15 Caller Are you Adam?

58:16 Adam Yeah, you got to kill yourself.

58:17 Caller Dude, you should come on the road with us.

58:18 We'll help you out.

58:21 Caller And I think it's either because I've just got... Well, I know part of it is that I'm not turned on by any type of porn or magazines or anything like that. I actually need to have a person with me to get...

58:35 Drew You're gay.

58:36 Adam Yeah. I need that too sometimes. I need a person actually holding the porn.

58:40 Caller Oh, okay. Not bad.

58:41 Adam Is that what you're talking about?

58:42 Caller No.

58:43 Adam Then I'm confused.

58:44 Caller And also, I'm not circumcised. And when I've tried to go out myself, I just end up with a red penis and a sore shoulder. I really can't get into it.

58:56 Adam John Cougar song.

58:57 Do you have a penis or a sore shoulder?

58:59 Drew Do you have wet dreams? Nocturnal emissions?

59:02 Caller Yes. Every once in a while, Adam would say, Jesus Christ comes and takes care of me.

59:07 That's right.

59:07 Adam That's when God gives you a hand job. That's basically what the nocturnal emission is. Listen, I know I told you not to whack off, but you are overdoing it, brother. I'm going to help you out.

59:17 Caller They are so quick on the sounds, I got to say, man.

59:20 Adam That's interesting.

59:20 Drew Are you on any medication?

59:22 Caller No. I'd like to get my hands on some if I could, but...

59:24 Drew Do you have any medical problems?

59:26 Caller No. No.

59:26 Adam All right, but don't you think you have... Doesn't have that stenosis of the foreskin or something? Isn't that what it is? I mean, if he's getting a handful of blood every time he masks it...

59:36 Drew Just irritated.

59:37 Vertical Horizon Irritated.

59:38 Caller No, it's not blood.

59:38 Drew It's because it takes him so long and nothing happens.

59:40 Vertical Horizon Right.

59:41 Caller It's just like rubbing it raw.

59:43 Adam So here's the problem. Let me explain something, boys. There is a window to perfect your masturbation technique. For me, it was more of a sliding door. But it's somewhere between 12 and a half and 18. And if you don't take care of it in those crucial formative years, it slams shut, you'll lose... You know what it's like? Once in a while, you get into a softball game, and you're playing with a guy, and you realize he never threw that ball in Little League, he never played. When all the other little 11, 12 year olds were out there playing Pickle and tossing the ball around and stuff, he was inside reading or crying or playing with an Etch A Sketch or something. Now you hit the field with the guy, he's 24 years old, no arm, throws the ball like a chick, he puts the softball. This guy could move in with Ken Griffey Jr. and he'd never have an arm. Because you either get that arm at about nine or ten, or you'll never have it. It's formative. And it's the same thing with the masturbation. He never got it, and now it's a tough road to hoe.

1:00:45 Caller I feel like his biggest problem is that he has a sore shoulder and not like a sore wrist. I feel like he might be doing it wrong.

1:00:51 Vertical Horizon Putting too much into it now.

1:00:53 Adam I wish it would go up to my shoulder. I'm the sister. For me, it's all, I get a sore knuckle. It's all finessed with the fingers. All right. He has problems outside of this. I mean, doesn't he? He's had sex four times in five years, he's never masturbated, he's kind of weird. Hey, Freddie, are you depressed?

1:01:13 Caller I mean, I'm depressed right now, but in general, I think I've got a lot going for me.

1:01:18 Adam You don't have a girlfriend, though?

1:01:20 Caller I just broke up about a month ago.

1:01:21 Adam And why did you only have sex a couple of times?

1:01:24 Caller Well, I mean, I didn't even have sex with her.

1:01:29 Drew That's why I broke up. Is there something biologically going on with you, which is my suspicion? You say you have no medical problems, but this is something that sort of warrants evaluation, I would say.

1:01:41 Caller I'm just not following you, I guess.

1:01:43 Drew I'm just wondering if there's a biological cause for what you're going through.

1:01:45 Adam Maybe you're depressed.

1:01:46 Drew Or maybe psychiatric. But be that as it may, it's something that's sort of amiss.

1:01:51 Caller I'm not working construction or anything. I feel like I'm together in my head.

1:01:56 Drew And you may be. And this may just be you. I mean, some people's biology is just low. Yeah, some people are. And you may argue that there's psychological reasons for it, but whatever it is, it's what it is. You know what I mean? Just like your preoccupation with breasts and whatnot.

1:02:08 Adam That's what it is. That's healthy.

1:02:09 Drew That's natural. You aren't changing that.

1:02:11 Adam No, you're not. You're going to try? You bastard? I'll flatten you.

1:02:14 Drew That's the point.

1:02:15 Adam All right. All right. Get a new girlfriend and have some sex. There you go.

1:02:20 Caller Save your shoulder.

1:02:22 Adam Robert? You're 15.

1:02:24 Caller Yeah.

1:02:27 Caller I've got like five questions.

1:02:28 Adam Okay. Just ask us nine of the five. All right.

1:02:31 All right. I'll do that.

1:02:34 Caller First of all, I have this sore leg in my lip whenever I'm nervous or like under a lot of pressure and it's kind of red and then I scabbed over after a couple of weeks.

1:02:43 Drew Herpes. Herpes.

1:02:44 Yeah.

1:02:45 Caller Is that herpes?

1:02:46 Drew That's herpes.

1:02:49 Caller I'm wondering if I could transmit that to my girlfriend when I kiss her?

1:02:53 Drew Yes.

1:02:54 Caller And does it have to be visible to be transmitted?

1:02:57 Drew No.

1:02:58 Adam No. But on the other hand, it's not every time and there seems like it would be a lot more of it.

1:03:04 Drew Yeah.

1:03:04 Adam You know what I mean?

1:03:05 Drew That is one of the mysteries about herpes is what are the requisites to getting it transmitted. And the most important thing is that you have symptoms. If it's burning and itching or whatever and you feel something coming, then you can assume this virus is, until the sort of crusts fall off, then you're no longer contagious. Or you shouldn't or not as contagious.

1:03:24 Adam Get some medicine for her.

1:03:26 Caller Yeah.

1:03:26 Adam All right.

1:03:28 Caller And if I were to go down on her, then could I give it to her down there?

1:03:31 Drew Yep. That's how it got there. That's how people get it down there. I mean, that's one of the ways it got down there.

1:03:36 Adam That's how they get it down there?

1:03:37 Drew That's probably how it got down there in the first place.

1:03:40 Adam You mean in general?

1:03:40 Drew Yeah.

1:03:41 Adam Oh, the bastard. It's like the monkey that caused AIDS.

1:03:44 Vertical Horizon Yeah, exactly.

1:03:45 Adam Like that one gay fly, the tenant, who got everyone infected.

1:03:49 Vertical Horizon Right.

1:03:49 Adam Son of a bitch. I'd like to find that guy and string him up. Huh, fellas? Yeah. I got a posse going tonight. Drew, get the torches and the pitchforks. We're going out.

1:03:58 Caller We're going out, kids.

1:03:59 Adam Get a fifth of Jim Beam. Run this son of a bitch down.

1:04:03 Caller Don't worry, Robert.

1:04:04 Adam We'll get him. All right. That's it. Go to the doctor. Tell him what's going on. He gets some medicine, right?

1:04:10 Drew Yeah.

1:04:11 Adam All right. That's enough.

1:04:12 Drew I'm sure that's what it is.

1:04:13 All right.

1:04:13 Adam We're leaving. All right. Drew, you got another? David?

1:04:18 Hello.

1:04:18 Adam Hey, you're 16. What's up?

1:04:20 Caller Yeah. I got a question for Adam and Drew. Yeah. Drew.

1:04:25 Caller What about us, man?

1:04:26 Adam Yeah. What about Vertical Horizon?

1:04:27 Drew Who are these guys? Next call. All right.

1:04:29 Caller We are so like, we'll help you out, man.

1:04:31 Drew What's up, David? 84 minutes.

1:04:33 Caller When we get together, we have each other pass out.

1:04:38 Drew How?

1:04:39 Caller We bend over and hyperventilate, and then we stand up and they press on our necks.

1:04:43 Drew Oh, that's got to be good for you, huh?

1:04:44 Caller Yeah. Totally. And then you're out for like five seconds, but it seems like you're out for like three hours. And then you wake up, and it feels really cool.

1:04:56 Drew Well, the reason it feels cool is you're cutting off the blood supply to your brain, and it's very difficult to sort of control cutting it off transiently to going a little too far and causing a stroke. And just like just before you die, people see a white light and feel very euphoric. That's the kind of thing you're inducing.

1:05:15 Adam Isn't that the paramedic, though? There's a little flashlight seeing if your pupils are dilated.

1:05:20 Drew Could be, but it's the euphoria. When the brain oxygen is cut way down, people feel euphoric. That's why people have dry asphyxiation when they're orgasming and they try this kind of crap. It's not a safe thing.

1:05:32 Caller A while ago, you said something about when you urinate, you hold it in and then you can shoot it farther or something like that.

1:05:39 Adam It was a part of my past.

1:05:40 Drew What did you call that again?

1:05:41 Caller The John Holmes technique.

1:05:42 Adam It's called brewing. I used to be able to urinate on a buddy from like at least 15 feet. Oh yeah.

1:05:51 Drew How do you get to be the buddy? Behind your back though too, right? This is a real amazing thing. It was like a pimp going to the basket.

1:05:56 Adam Well, I was taking it to the hole so to speak. Truth be told, it's something people find bizarre, but it was really... One friend of mine figured out how to do it. He would actually sort of pinch the end of his penis off, and then right at the right second, he'd let it go, kind of like a garden hose. Now, the confusion is, is people think you pinch it like you put your thumb in front of a garden hose and have it go with a continuous stream. That's not the way it goes. You pinch it off completely, and then you sort of jerk your hips at the right time, and this guy would send a salvo of urine flying, and I'm not exaggerating at all because we have measured it before, 1920 feet. He'd hit this ceiling in the studio, which is about 11 feet, no problem. He used to pee on the bathroom ceiling at the school all the time. That's right. Chris. Well, I don't want to mess with you. Chris got it started, and all of us had-

1:06:50 Drew Who was the master, though?

1:06:51 Adam Well, it was Chris. Chris was the master, and it was sort of sink or swim, pardon the pun. Either we learned how to do it, or we just got decimated. I mean, you'd get killed.

1:07:00 Drew Could he like send out Morse code across the room?

1:07:02 Adam He could.

1:07:03 Drew Long, short, short.

1:07:04 Adam He would do. I mean, these guys would sit in the passenger seat of the car, roll down the window, and shoot one over the car hood of the car that was parked next to them with the stoplight. I mean, it was really bizarre and amazing stuff, and so we all learned how to do it. But let me tell you, when you squared off with one of these guys, you duck, and it'd go over your head. I mean, it wasn't like the guy would hit you in the shin or something, and this was from 10, 12 feet away, it'd go flying over your head. So it was interesting, and we had some good times.

1:07:35 Caller I thought collecting baseball cards was fun.

1:07:37 Adam No, no, until you've brood, you really haven't lived. Once in a while, someone would get it who we didn't even know. The teacher. That's a bad scene, but we're not gay. We're not gash.

1:07:52 Vertical Horizon Totally healthy.

1:07:54 Adam Very, very clear. And Drew, that can't be good for your system, can it?

1:07:58 Drew No.

1:07:59 Adam Holding stuff off it.

1:08:00 Drew You're going to pop right out your rear in about three years.

1:08:02 Adam Really?

1:08:03 Caller Yeah, but you'd have really good distance though, wouldn't you?

1:08:05 Adam Yeah, I mean, I think I'm far from a prostitute. You could brood from the other end. All right. Let's talk to Jackie. Jackie?

1:08:12 Caller Hi.

1:08:13 Adam Hey, what's up?

1:08:14 Caller What's up, Jackie? Oh, you guys, I'm so excited to be talking to you right now. Everybody, but mostly the band.

1:08:20 Vertical Horizon Finally.

1:08:21 Caller I have been calling for an hour. I love you guys. I don't know you, but I love you.

1:08:26 Caller Thanks.

1:08:26 Drew Just from that song they played?

1:08:27 Caller Oh, when We Are came out on the radio up here in Santa Barbara, I bought the CD and it has never seen the inside of my house. Because it's always in my car. I have to play it all the time.

1:08:38 Caller Thank you.

1:08:38 Caller It's like you guys wrote it for me.

1:08:40 Caller Actually, we did.

1:08:41 Vertical Horizon You did? We got the memo and we wrote it up for you.

1:08:44 Adam Jackie from Santa Barbara wants something to listen to when she tools around.

1:08:47 Caller Yeah. I was supposed to go to your show with Stroke 9 and one of the lovely affiliates up here was supposed to give me tickets and they didn't give me the tickets. They ended up going themselves.

1:08:59 Adam What a surprise.

1:09:01 Caller Typical.

1:09:02 Adam They smoke a lot of pot over there. I got news for you. I think that may be the problem.

1:09:07 Caller Yeah. I love hearing your stories about Santa Barbara.

1:09:10 Adam I think we had, Stroke 9 was on the show two months ago.

1:09:15 Caller The real jerks, the total, those guys.

1:09:18 Adam Hey, Jackie, you want to come see Vertical Horizon in Los Angeles?

1:09:24 Caller Are you kidding me? I'm dying. I feel like I'm 15 right now. I'm sorry. I'm 28, but I'm like, Oh my God. Oh, that's cool.

1:09:31 Vertical Horizon We love it.

1:09:32 Adam They'll be here, what is it, the 13th? Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:36 Caller I think so.

1:09:36 Vertical Horizon Yeah. Lucky 13. Yeah.

1:09:38 Caller Of course, my radio went out of tune when you were giving up the dates, and then all I heard was Los Angeles. I'm like, Oh man, I got to call and find out.

1:09:46 Adam They're going to be here the 13th of next month, and they'll be at the House of Blues, which is a real good venue.

1:09:51 Caller Oh my God. Have your first two albums. Are you guys going to do any songs from those?

1:09:55 Caller Yeah, we'll do some old stuff too for sure. I don't know what songs we'll do, but we'll put some old stuff in there.

1:10:01 Caller I wanted to know why, Keith, how come you don't have more songs on this album? I mean, how come you don't sing more?

1:10:07 Caller Because he's a jerk.

1:10:08 Caller Because your shackles is like, ugh, it kills me. I mean, I love all of them, but that song just wrecks me.

1:10:17 Caller Well, thanks. I think Matt started out in an electric band, more of a rock band. I think when we started writing for this album, he sort of went back to his roots and was writing more rock songs. I had really just grown up writing sort of folk rock songs. So when we sat down with all our tunes, just Shackled seemed to be the only one that really fit with a lot of the ones that Matt was writing. So that's what we went with. But there are a lot of songs that we have still that we haven't recorded, and those may someday pop up. And now that I've been playing the electric and all that stuff, I've been working at writing more rock songs so you can expect more in the future.

1:11:00 Caller I love your voice and I love you guys. And Dr. Drew, I've been listening to you since I was in junior high. I actually have a tape of you and the poor man with the cast of Herman's Head.

1:11:08 Drew Oh my God, that was a great show. I remember that. Oh yes, I do.

1:11:12 Adam All right. Hey, Jackie. All right. So you come in the 13th and go to the House of Blues and see Vertical Horizon. Thanks a lot, Jackie. Thank you. All right. Take care of yourselves. Well, there you go. That was sweet.

1:11:23 Vertical Horizon That was beautiful.

1:11:24 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be back. Drew, don't monkey on the computer too much, buddy. You're doing so well.

1:11:32 Caller So well.

1:11:33 Adam We'll be back after this.

1:11:37 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:12:14 Caller All right.

1:12:15 Adam Soundtrack from Shogun has now become one of the bumpers.

1:12:19 Caller Oh, it's Metallica.

1:12:21 Adam I got to hiping myself up. Sound like Shogun. Drew, that's enough for the computer now, buddy.

1:12:27 Caller Yep.

1:12:28 Adam You always learn your lesson. That's what I love about you. Drew, seriously, shut that computer.

1:12:32 Drew Seriously, you said 10 minutes.

1:12:34 Adam 10 minutes? A night?

1:12:36 Drew That's what you said.

1:12:37 Adam Yeah.

1:12:37 Drew That was the agreed upon.

1:12:39 Adam Yeah, but Drew, we got to reestablish those ground rules because you're out of control.

1:12:43 Caller Looks like he's being spanked right now.

1:12:44 Adam Unacceptable. Thank you. Ed Toth is the drummer for Vertical Horizon. He has joined us. Keith has made his way out of here. I said, he's like, well, I guess Ed comes in and I guess I got to leave now. I said, no, no, no, Keith, just you can just hang out because my girlfriend wants me to leave.

1:13:02 Caller Well, that's different.

1:13:03 Adam Don't put it on me, brother.

1:13:05 Caller Yeah. You're making him leave.

1:13:07 Adam Right. Allison.

1:13:08 Caller Hi.

1:13:09 Adam Hey, you're 17.

1:13:10 Caller Hey, Allison.

1:13:11 Caller What's up?

1:13:12 Caller Well, I'm on orthotrycyclin, the pill, and I'm also on antibiotics because I had strep throat. Right. I know that antibiotics make the pill not work. That's what I heard.

1:13:26 Drew It could potentially affect its performance. Yeah.

1:13:28 Caller Okay. Because I was using a condom on a Saturday night and it broke, so, you know, I was wondering if I took the morning after pill, if that would not work.

1:13:40 Drew But you're already on the pill.

1:13:41 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:13:42 Drew When you're on the pill, you don't take the morning after pill. Yeah, but what if it's... Just hypothetically, what if you weren't on the pill and you wanted to take the morning after pill?

1:13:50 Adam No, you're on the pill, but it's maybe rendered ineffective because of the antibiotics. Yeah.

1:13:55 Drew But you're on the pill. When you're on the pill, morning after pill is not an option. Not an option.

1:14:02 Adam Okay. How long does an antibiotic stay in your system affects something like the pill?

1:14:09 Drew Well, the whole month is out basically.

1:14:10 Adam Really? Because you've... Okay, but as it pertains to the morning after pill...

1:14:16 Drew Yeah, we don't know. I'm just thinking, I've read a lot of literature on it and nowhere was that addressed. I actually worked with the American Medical Women's Association. We did a bunch of promotion about this and we didn't talk about that. My suspicion is, you're looking for 99.99% efficacy from the oral contraceptive pill. So if it drops down to 98% because you're taking antibiotics, that's a big deal. But if you go from 75% to 73% effective in the morning after pill, people aren't going to make a big deal out of that. You should discuss with your doctor whether or not you should hold the antibiotics or not. You may be able just to hold them for that day that you take the pill, if it's appropriate, given whatever you're taking the antibiotics for. But you're not in that situation because the morning after pill won't do anything for you.

1:15:01 Caller Okay, so I can't do anything?

1:15:03 Adam No, but you're not pregnant.

1:15:05 Drew Yeah, you're fine.

1:15:05 Adam You're fine. All right, take care. Talk to Angel.

1:15:11 Hi.

1:15:12 Adam You're 20.

1:15:13 Caller Yeah, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and he still has not told me that he loves me and I wanted to know, you know, should I stay with him or, I mean, can I leave him? Because he won't say it to me and I don't...

1:15:29 Drew Maybe he's not capable of that.

1:15:31 Adam You got to get pregnant.

1:15:32 Drew How old is he? How old is he?

1:15:35 Caller He's 21.

1:15:36 Adam He's 21.

1:15:37 Caller Have you told him that you love him?

1:15:39 Caller Yeah.

1:15:40 Caller And what does he say?

1:15:42 Caller He knows. That's what he says.

1:15:48 Drew Why would you go for a guy that's emotionally unavailable?

1:15:53 Caller Well, I mean, I think he acts like he loves me.

1:15:57 Drew Why won't you go... Answer my question. What is it about your relationships, family relationships, that causes you to go after a guy who's not available emotionally?

1:16:07 Caller Why is he emotionally unavailable?

1:16:09 Adam Well, he won't commit. He won't say he loves you.

1:16:12 Drew He's not available.

1:16:14 Caller But won't he ever say, I mean, if I wait, like, he might say it or something?

1:16:19 Drew Why do you need to be with somebody who you have to try to win over, try to become available to you? Why can't you have a relationship with somebody who is available? Where did that come from?

1:16:28 Adam Is he unavailable in other ways?

1:16:31 Caller He lives an hour away from me.

1:16:34 Adam Yeah, but emotionally, not transportationally.

1:16:39 Drew All right, where's your dad?

1:16:41 Adam Listen, I wanted to gamble as soon as I found out her name is Angel.

1:16:43 Caller Oh, man.

1:16:44 Adam I'm going to gamble on everyone. You name your kid Angel, you're asking for trouble.

1:16:47 Vertical Horizon His first stripper.

1:16:48 Adam Now, where's your dad?

1:16:50 Caller Where's my dad?

1:16:51 Adam Did he leave you?

1:16:52 Caller My parents are divorced.

1:16:54 Adam Did dad sort of abandon?

1:16:56 Caller I've never lived with my dad.

1:16:58 Adam Okay.

1:17:00 Drew How old were you when he left? Like five, six?

1:17:01 Caller No, well, they got divorced when I was nine.

1:17:04 Caller I lived with him for about three months, I guess, when I was 15.

1:17:07 Adam Yeah.

1:17:08 Drew How old were you when they divorced? Five or six?

1:17:09 Adam Nine.

1:17:10 Drew Nine.

1:17:10 Adam Nine.

1:17:11 Drew That's a big deal.

1:17:12 Adam So you're with this guy from zero to nine, and then he's completely out of your life?

1:17:17 Caller I would see him on weekends sometimes.

1:17:20 Adam Sometimes.

1:17:21 Drew That is a massive, massive deal.

1:17:22 Adam Yeah, that's a big deal.

1:17:24 Caller Well, I see him now. I mean, he lives far away from me.

1:17:29 Drew There's no way to overcome it.

1:17:30 Adam Now doesn't matter at 20.

1:17:32 Drew Doesn't matter anymore.

1:17:33 Adam All the good stuff happens when you're... Remember I said about throwing a softball? Yeah, same thing.

1:17:38 Caller Masturbation.

1:17:39 Drew Why did he leave?

1:17:40 Adam Thank you.

1:17:40 Caller Why did he leave? Well, they got divorced because my dad was having an affair.

1:17:44 Adam Oh, all right. One more reason not to trust guys. Listen, Angel, we worry that you're hooking up with guys that aren't as giving as they could be.

1:17:55 Caller But this is like...

1:17:57 Adam How is he in every other department beside not saying I love you?

1:18:00 Caller He's great. I mean, he doesn't... he's not an alcoholic. He's not a drug addict. He does not physically or verbally abuse himself.

1:18:07 Drew Like a previous boyfriend?

1:18:08 Adam Right.

1:18:08 Caller Yeah, as my previous boyfriend. So I'm doing way better than I ever have. Right.

1:18:11 Adam Okay, so he doesn't do stuff, but there's not a lot of stuff he does do.

1:18:15 Caller Yeah, what does he do?

1:18:16 Caller He's very considerate of me.

1:18:18 Adam Okay, well good. Then stop being so insecure.

1:18:21 Caller But I mean...

1:18:21 Adam There you go. You're done. Listen, guys, a lesson that's tough to learn, but I have learned it personally. Just say you love him. Just say it on the first date. For God's sake. It really doesn't... Guys, I remember. I mean, do you guys remember when you had your first girlfriend or your second girlfriend, maybe you're like 19 or 20, and there was that whole I love you thing, and you're like, but I'm not sure if I love you. Oh no, I never did that. But I don't want to say anything unless I do actually love him, but I got to search my soul to make sure that I love him. Now it's like, yeah, I love you, baby. Don't stop, I love you. I mean, I'm not saying you should lie, but here's the reality. Yeah, you may be in love with them, and then you may be in love with their sister six months from now. I mean, you'll be in love with a lot of people. Just say you love them.

1:19:06 Caller At least he's got to come up with a better line than I know. You need a better line than that, kid.

1:19:11 Adam Just say I love you. Just say it.

1:19:13 Caller Who cares?

1:19:13 Drew This is one of the guys that three years from now, she'll come up when he starts beating the crap out of her. But he was perfect. I don't understand. How could this happen? He was the perfect guy.

1:19:22 Adam He said I know.

1:19:24 Caller What happened to I know?

1:19:27 Caller The guy that said I know.

1:19:28 Adam You told me I know. What happened to that?

1:19:30 Caller Jill?

1:19:31 Caller Yeah?

1:19:32 Adam You're 13?

1:19:33 Caller Yes, I am.

1:19:33 Adam What's up?

1:19:34 Caller Well, um, I know my boyfriend for, like...

1:19:37 Adam What, are you living at home?

1:19:39 Caller Yeah.

1:19:41 Adam Whatever. Why is there a 13-year-old college around the house by now? All right. Well, you're old fashioned. I like that. Saving up for college or something. All right.

1:19:50 Caller Well, um, we've only been together for, like, a week and a half. And, um, like, he's... I really like him, but when it comes...

1:19:57 Caller He's not a very good kisser, and I don't know how to bring it up.

1:20:00 Caller I don't want to make him feel self-conscious or embarrass him or anything. And I don't know how to, like, talk to him about it.

1:20:05 Adam What's he do? What's his technique?

1:20:07 Caller Well, like, he doesn't open his mouth enough, and, like, he's loud sometimes, and that's, like, that's a turn off for me.

1:20:18 Drew Loud with what?

1:20:18 Caller Like, smacking a lot, like, smacking a lot.

1:20:22 Vertical Horizon Chewing his curd?

1:20:23 Drew Like when Adam's eating?

1:20:24 Caller Yeah.

1:20:25 Vertical Horizon Oh!

1:20:25 Adam I have a deviated septum, so I can't, it's hard for me to make out for prolonged periods of time without going up.

1:20:31 Caller I'm like a porpoise, you know, I gotta, I gotta make out for a while, and then it's like, It's kind of quaint now, there.

1:20:38 Drew It's actually quaint that you're discussing it in the context of making out. Last time you brought that up, there was something else going on.

1:20:43 Adam I'm talking about Orals. She's 13.

1:20:47 Caller No, no, no, not that guy.

1:20:48 Adam Yeah, I understand. So he doesn't open his mouth enough, and he makes a lot of noise like he's like a fat guy eating.

1:20:56 Caller Oh, yes.

1:20:57 Adam Right? You know how fat my loud fat people are when they, you've seen those comedies. Fat guys always eat.

1:21:04 Caller I can't believe I'm talking to you guys. Oh my god.

1:21:05 Adam Alright, listen, Jill, it's your job as the woman, and he's 13 as well?

1:21:11 Caller He's 14.

1:21:12 Drew Guys love instruction.

1:21:13 Adam Yeah, they really do.

1:21:14 Caller That's what I was going to say.

1:21:15 Adam Break him right in.

1:21:16 Caller You know, if a woman will tell the guy what she wants.

1:21:20 Drew He's appreciative.

1:21:21 Caller Oh, god bless you.

1:21:22 Drew He'll never forget you.

1:21:23 Caller He's never had a girlfriend before. I'm his first girlfriend.

1:21:25 Caller Oh, there you go.

1:21:26 Caller All you need to do is use the words, let me show you, and he'll do whatever you want.

1:21:31 Adam Come to the light.

1:21:32 Caller It's like a puppy. He'll be like a puppy.

1:21:34 Drew Let me show you. That's good.

1:21:35 Vertical Horizon Positive reinforcement.

1:21:37 Adam And furthermore, kissing is one of the few things you actually have to sit down and discuss verbally. You can begin kissing and then you can subtly guide him along the way. And as you get older and into other forms of debauchery, you can also use that same technique. People will let you know where you're at physically by their cadence and the pressure they put on you and a million other little indicators. And he's nervous and he's 14 and he's never been with a woman before. And so his heart's beaten like a rabbit's and he's lost a little control. But Gio, you just guide him. And if you want to work it out verbally, fine. But I would start by just trying to actually guide him. You do the kissing.

1:22:24 Caller I try to do it for like, he doesn't open his mouth enough.

1:22:28 Caller I can't do anything, you know? You give us a quick text and I want to do more than that, but you just...

1:22:34 Drew Let me show you.

1:22:35 Adam You'll have to, let me show you. That's right.

1:22:37 Drew There you go.

1:22:38 Caller Thank you.

1:22:38 Adam That's right. Say, uh... That's it. You'll be fine. Very quaint. Very nice.

1:22:46 Caller All right.

1:22:47 Vertical Horizon Cute.

1:22:48 Adam She's a sweetheart.

1:22:49 Drew You have no patience for that, do you?

1:22:52 Adam I think it's nice. I just don't, I don't consider it a real problem. But you know the reality, you know it's funny. I'd love to see this guy, he's 14, we're hearing this question. I'd love to fast forward 10 years. He's got some Vietnamese hooker down on all fours, a handful of hairs. Who's papa son? Come on, baby.

1:23:08 Caller Come on, give me some of that ass.

1:23:10 Adam How's it feeling? Feels good. Feels good.

1:23:12 Caller Yeah.

1:23:12 Adam You want to taste?

1:23:13 Caller Yeah.

1:23:14 Adam Yeah. Smell the finger.

1:23:15 Caller Yeah.

1:23:16 Adam You know this guy's going to get into something eventually.

1:23:21 Caller It'll be funny the day he does.

1:23:23 Adam I'd love to hear this playing in the background over the video of him, like I said, banging away. That'd be great. We'll take ourselves a break. We'll be back.

1:23:34 Caller Back once again with the Loveline.

1:23:36 Caller Loveline, the Adam Carolla, and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:24:14 Adam All right. It is Loveline. The Bossstones are going to be here tomorrow night. At least, digging from the Bossstones will be in there. That's Drew Sneeze in the background. We got Ed, Matt, and Sean all here from Vertical Horizon. Great guys. We're glad we met them. They played live. They sounded great. And hey, guys, I'd like to come back on the show.

1:24:35 Vertical Horizon Let's do it.

1:24:36 Adam Tomorrow night.

1:24:36 Vertical Horizon We're here.

1:24:37 Adam All right.

1:24:38 Caller Actually, I want to come back when the Playboy, Playmates are here. Yeah.

1:24:42 Adam When are they?

1:24:44 Vertical Horizon Playmates.

1:24:46 Adam They got something called like a sex court or something. Every once in a while, Playboy tries to launch a new show, which is basically an excuse for chicks to just get naked and mince around. But it's under the guise of, well, this is a judge whopper meets a guy with a whopper or something. You know what I mean? Listen, fellas, I don't want to offend any of you folks, but the sound isn't even up. Just get the chicks naked and have them mince about. Because what part of the sex court are you waiting on? It's the part when the verdict is delivered and Rusty, the bailiff, goes in there with their pants around her ankles. That's what you're waiting. Just do it. Just call a spade a spade. Let's do it. It's Playboy.

1:25:29 Caller All right.

1:25:31 Adam Jose?

1:25:32 Caller Yeah.

1:25:34 Adam Was that you? That wasn't you, was it? No. You're 12 years old, Jose.

1:25:38 Caller Uh-huh.

1:25:38 Adam Okay. What's up?

1:25:42 Caller My girlfriend for the first time performed all sex on me.

1:25:45 Adam Oh, at 12.

1:25:46 Caller Good job. Excellent work.

1:25:48 Adam All right, man. Well.

1:25:50 Caller Excellent work.

1:25:51 Adam Yeah, but where do you go?

1:25:52 Vertical Horizon It's all downhill.

1:25:55 Caller Then she said that when I left, she threw up.

1:25:58 Caller She threw up?

1:25:59 Caller I'm just wondering like why.

1:26:01 Drew How old is she? Probably she's freaked out about what she's getting into.

1:26:06 Adam Well, did something come out of you, Jose?

1:26:09 Caller Yeah.

1:26:10 Vertical Horizon Who did it ever?

1:26:12 Adam Yeah, and maybe you just didn't agree with her.

1:26:15 Drew No, no, I bet you just freaked out about what she's doing. I hear about that one so I want to get really intensely emotional.

1:26:22 Adam For me, the women just say they take like a four hour bath and they scrub themselves raw with a loofah. It's like a set of after someone.

1:26:29 Drew They bar it too, they just forgot about that part.

1:26:31 Adam After the woman gets raped in the movie and she's at home. Oh man. More of that feeling. Women, that's ex-girlfriends of mine, but can't get clean, that feeling. So Jose, listen to me. You're Catholic, right? Yeah. Yeah. What's it say about getting blown at 12? Is there anything in the Bible about that? No. Okay. I just want to know if there's a chapter there. Maybe the pages are stuck together. Look into that. Jose, here's what I'm worried about, because I worry about you Catholics. I really do. You're going to get this chick knocked up. I mean, if you're doing this at 12, 14 is sort of outside. I mean, two years from now, I mean, you're going to get her pregnant in the next eight months. You're going to give birth to someone who's older than you are, Jose. You understand?

1:27:21 Caller Yeah. That's one thing I was like, wondering like, can she get pregnant by falling?

1:27:26 Drew No. But insofar as you continue to believe that, don't engage in any sexual activity, okay?

1:27:33 Adam I mean, when are you going to have sex?

1:27:35 Drew Until you're 12.

1:27:37 Caller Don't have sex now.

1:27:39 Adam All right. Okay. So here's the question. Here's the answer. Jose? Yeah. Slow down, buddy. You're moving too fast, brother.

1:27:46 Drew Until you understand how all the parts work and what they're there for and how that operates and how to prevent things from going to pregnancy.

1:27:52 Adam Jose.

1:27:53 Drew Lay back.

1:27:53 Adam Okay. But don't get anyone pregnant. Okay. Okay? Please.

1:27:57 Vertical Horizon Get some Pokemon cards and go to town.

1:28:01 Caller Oh, man. I was reading comic books when I was 12.

1:28:04 Adam Yeah.

1:28:05 Caller I mean, I don't even think I talked to girls when I was 12.

1:28:08 Adam I called my penis my dingling.

1:28:12 Vertical Horizon I was looking out for cooties.

1:28:13 Caller Yeah.

1:28:13 Adam Looking out for cooties. I would wet my pants like every other day. Are you kidding? Blowjob at 12? I wouldn't know what to do. Oh, my God. Okay.

1:28:29 Vertical Horizon All right.

1:28:29 Adam Dan? Dan?

1:28:33 Drew Dan's gone.

1:28:33 Adam Oh, Dan's gone?

1:28:34 Vertical Horizon See you, Dan.

1:28:35 Adam He couldn't take it anymore. We'll talk to Charity?

1:28:39 Drew Yes.

1:28:39 Adam You're 17. What's up?

1:28:43 Caller I'm like really, well, first off, I want to say that I love Vertical Horizons.

1:28:47 Adam Wow.

1:28:48 Vertical Horizon Thank you.

1:28:49 Caller I bought your CD after hearing your Everything You Want song. I just fell in love with that song and I fell in love with the CD.

1:28:55 Caller Thanks, Charity.

1:28:56 Caller You're welcome. My problem was that I'm really kind of stressed out. I was learning if there's like any methods I could be less stressed out.

1:29:04 Drew What do you mean stressed out?

1:29:07 Caller I think I take too many things on. I don't really want to give anything up, but it's like.

1:29:12 Drew What kinds of things?

1:29:14 Caller Well, I'm a straight A student, and I'm like leader of various clubs home at school.

1:29:23 Drew Do you have an eating disorder? Did you ever have an eating disorder?

1:29:26 Caller Oh, no. I love food.

1:29:27 Adam You got to start smoking, Pat.

1:29:29 Drew No, no. No?

1:29:31 Adam That wouldn't mail her right out.

1:29:34 Caller I don't believe in taking drugs.

1:29:35 Adam Well, boy, one of them with the straight A's. What do you do at school besides, what kind of leadership stuff do you do?

1:29:43 Caller I'm president of a club and I'm also captain of another club. And I'm basically an officer in any of the clubs I participate in.

1:29:54 Adam What club are you president of?

1:29:56 Caller FULA.

1:29:57 Adam The what?

1:29:58 Caller Future Business Leaders of America.

1:29:59 Adam Oh, Christ.

1:30:00 Caller Wow.

1:30:01 Drew Well, here's the ol charity.

1:30:02 Adam That sounds like a real shindig.

1:30:03 Drew You gotta figure out a way to create more balance in your life. Certain things you have to give up. You have to be realistic. You can't be perfect in all spheres all the time.

1:30:12 Caller I'm not really a perfectionist, though.

1:30:14 Drew No, you are.

1:30:14 Adam Yeah, you are. You get a straight A's, you're in all those clubs.

1:30:17 Drew Not a perfectionist in the sense that everything has to be in exactly its place, but perfection in terms of what you're expected to be for other people.

1:30:24 Adam Perfect.

1:30:26 Drew That's perfect. You have to admit what your limitations are. You have to let certain things go, and you have to create balance in other ways in your life. Have time, quiet time, have time for exercise, have time for friends. You've got to have that time, or this race you're on is going to be cut short. You're not going to be a future business leader. You're going to be a future business leader.

1:30:45 Caller Well, I actually don't even plan to be in business.

1:30:46 Drew Huh?

1:30:47 Caller I don't even plan to be in business.

1:30:48 Drew Would have been a future leader in any field.

1:30:51 Adam Well, why don't you get out of that crappy club? I mean, you're the president of the Future Business Association. You don't plan on having your own business.

1:30:59 Caller No. I know that business skills are very essential for various things in life.

1:31:03 Adam Yeah. But let me tell you what skills are essential in life. Life skills. You know what I mean? I mean, it's good to learn a few things, but also, quiet down over there. You got to experience a lot of things. You'll turn out like Drew. Mr. Roboto over there. You ask him what he wants for dinner, he has to open up a textbook, thumb through, get to the right chapter. That's right. Look at him. Wooden like a cigar store Indian over there. No soul. No soul. He's the devil.

1:31:36 Vertical Horizon He's killed me.

1:31:37 Adam He raped me. He killed his parents. He hates me. He doesn't like life.

1:31:42 Vertical Horizon Hey, Charity, don't worry about other people's perceptions.

1:31:44 Caller Just do what you want and the money will come.

1:31:46 Vertical Horizon If money is your concern.

1:31:47 Caller I want to do all these things.

1:31:49 Adam No, you don't. You don't even want to be in business for yourself. No, no, no.

1:31:54 Caller But I'm not even too sure what career I want to be in.

1:31:57 Adam That's fine. Good. I thought I was going to be a pirate when I was 17. You understand? I was like, I sat down with my guidance counselor. I said, listen, I said, here are my options, pirate, astronaut.

1:32:10 Caller Fighter pilot.

1:32:12 Adam Then he said, fighter pilot. All right. Pirate, fighter pilot or astronaut. He said, how about janitor? Yeah, scale it down.

1:32:19 Caller Scale it down.

1:32:20 Adam What's that pay? Nine bucks an hour? I'm in. He suggested I become a ceramics major in high school, everybody.

1:32:29 Caller Two ceramics references in one night.

1:32:31 Adam That is as bad a student as I was. Ceramics as a major. Well, yeah.

1:32:36 Drew Mike.

1:32:37 Adam Parlay that into millions, ladies and gentlemen.

1:32:40 Drew All right, Mike. Yes, I'm here. What's going on?

1:32:44 Caller Yeah, I'm asking you a question about anal sex.

1:32:48 Drew I've been married for about eight years now.

1:32:50 Caller Are you skydiving right now?

1:32:52 Adam I think he's shaking paint.

1:32:56 Caller No, I'm just in a car.

1:32:57 Drew Close the windows.

1:33:02 Adam Are you in a Fred McMurray's car from a son of Flubber or are you in a car that was made post World War II? What the hell is going on? You got to get those tires balanced, buddy.

1:33:15 Caller No, I don't think that's it.

1:33:17 Adam Do you have like a two-stroke motor in that car?

1:33:21 Caller Yeah, something like that.

1:33:22 Adam What kind of car is that? I want to know.

1:33:24 Drew I've got a bad connection on the cell phone here.

1:33:27 Adam Oh, okay. All right. So, I'm reading your question. You want to know anal sex? You want anal sex, but your wife says it hurts too much. Ouch!

1:33:36 Caller Yeah, that's correct.

1:33:37 Adam Okay. Do you have a large penis?

1:33:42 Caller Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

1:33:43 Adam Good God. This is going to cut them off. Is that really his car?

1:33:47 Vertical Horizon It's a bad cell phone connection.

1:33:49 Adam It's like Columbo's car there. All right. Listen, don't talk your wife into stuff she doesn't want to do sexually.

1:33:56 Drew She will resent you.

1:33:57 Adam She will make you pay. You may juice her up and get her to slip up or whatever, but don't worry. Ultimately, she'll have the last laugh.

1:34:05 Vertical Horizon How do you do it?

1:34:06 Drew Show them at the breakout.

1:34:06 Vertical Horizon How do you get the girls to?

1:34:07 Drew Go ahead, Sean.

1:34:08 Adam Well, I don't have a big penis, so it's like, what I do is I go, hey, how about some butt love? And they're like, no, no, no. And I go, hey, look. And they go, oh, all right, all right. I can see that. Let me know when it's over.

1:34:18 Caller Yeah.

1:34:19 Adam Can I watch Murphy Brown's on Lifetime? And then they're like, are you in? I'm like, yeah, I'm done. And they're like, oh, that's nothing.

1:34:28 Caller That's not so bad.

1:34:28 Adam All right. Do it whenever you want. Don't even tell me next time. All right. Just make sure I'm not at work, okay?

1:34:33 Caller Because I had a problem last time.

1:34:35 Adam All right.

1:34:36 Caller We'll be back.

1:34:39 Caller Love Line, LeBanachrol and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:35:17 Adam All right. Well, there you go. That is it. Everyone go out and get that Vertical Horizon CD, Everything You Want. You guys sounded great. It was a pleasure meeting you, and we appreciate you coming in. Thanks for having us.

1:35:29 Vertical Horizon Pleasure was all ours.

1:35:30 Adam We expect plenty of big things from the band and that you guys will be around for a long time. So please come back and visit Drew, because I'm not going to be here. All right. So, diggy from the Boston's, everyone. Tomorrow night and until next time, this is Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:47 Drew I'm homosexual. I'm freaked out about it. I'm trying to be heterosexual, but I have this overwhelming homosexual feeling.

1:35:55 Adam Well now.

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Monday, March 20, 2000