Episode 1000754887381

9:16 Voiceover Buzz KQBC Seattle. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

9:39 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 3108-54-4455.

9:48 Drew Welcome back to Food Channel. More cranberries all the time. We wasted so goddamn much time last time. We wasted so damn much on cranberries and yams.

9:58 Yeah, yeah.

10:01 Adam You guys will be thanking me tomorrow when you're eating fresh cranberry sauce instead of that canned stuff, the animals that you are. Cranberry, not canberry, Drew. That's my saying for next season. It's a little late to get started this year. All right, hey, Drew, go dim the light a little. I can't relax in here with this kind of lighting, this sort of media lighting. At the Drive-In is our guest tonight. Hi, guys. Good to see you. Hello. Sorry, I'm running a little bit late. I, uh... La Brea. Yeah, a little trouble on the freeway. I should have known. Everyone was heading for the airport. And quite frankly, it's my fault because my attitude has really gotten lax over the... about the last three years. I used to leave my... It takes me 25 minutes to get here, okay? 23 minutes to get here.

10:54 Drew Which is why you leave 24 to 25 minutes.

10:57 Adam I leave my house at 9.33. So I allow myself a nice three-minute margin. And if somebody slows down in front of me or has to change lanes or even adjust the radio in the car in front of me, it can really throw off my very delicate timing. I'm like a Swiss timepiece. So I had to get off the freeway and I ran a little late. I'm a little bit scattered, but let's not let that affect us. Let's get past that. Let's get over that. Paul, Omar and Tony are all here from the band and we're going to hear something off the CD. Letterman on the 15th. Is that what this says?

11:34 Yes.

11:36 Adam That's what? Three weeks from now? Who's going to remember that?

11:39 Two weeks. All right.

11:41 Adam Well, I'll mention it on the 14th if we're still on the air at that time. And we'll listen to hear a few cuts off the CD and all that stuff. But tell us about yourself because I didn't read the bio. I walked in 10 seconds ago.

11:57 Drew They're from El Paso.

11:58 Adam Thank you, Drew.

11:59 We're from El Paso.

11:59 Adam Drew, you want Drew to do it or you?

12:02 Come on.

12:02 Go ahead.

12:03 We're from El Paso. We've been together since 94. And we're basically just a punk rock band that's been touring in a van and playing all ages venues and eating free food at People's Park and things like this. And in the past year, we've had a lot of attention come our way. And so we've been able to pay bigger venues and go on to sell out.

12:23 Adam So what?

12:24 Yeah, we're selling out. Exactly.

12:26 Adam Well, to the man. Let's be fair. Sure. You lost your edge. We understand. But I'm curious.

12:33 Drew What's the matter of the recent Fantasy Club musical ballets?

12:37 Adam I'm curious on the on the all ages shows. Are there does that mean nine year olds could be there? Is there some sort of cut off? No, I mean, seven year olds could be there.

12:48 Seven year olds. We have plenty of little children who come out to our shows at some places and infants.

12:55 Is it better all their way there?

12:58 Adam I mean, is it better when you look out and see 14 year olds?

13:01 Definitely.

13:02 Adam Then it is when you see 26 year olds.

13:05 Definitely.

13:05 They're not worried about getting drunk right before the show and they want to be loud and nauseous. These kids actually have an appreciation for what you do sometimes. You know, right.

13:14 Adam It's not a chemical induced excitement or frenzy.

13:17 Exactly.

13:18 Adam Which, by the way, is great. But it hits a peak and then it drops pretty fast. You go from sort of, I love you man, to kick your ass and it can be like 10 minutes. You know what's happened to me, speaking of booze, quite honestly, is I've walked into a few parties because of this radio show. I come into parties at 1230 at night. People go, oh, it's going on all night. It's going to be great. I go, I got to do the radio show. Oh, no, no, to swing by on the way back from the show. It's cool. We're starting at 830. We're barbecuing and we'll be going all night. You just swing by. You ever walk into a party sober when everyone is loaded? You don't notice it when you're in with them getting loaded with them. I think it's like sitting in a jacuzzi where they're slowly turning up the heat. You don't feel it, but you just fall into something that's 120 degrees and you scream. You start walking into places when people are preloaded already and everyone's coming up and spitting on you and slapping on you and want to fight you. That's why I now get drunk on the way over to the parties. That's my new thing, Drew. I do a little heroin. I keep a beer bong in my glove box.

14:27 Drew I thought that was hanging off your ceiling there.

14:29 Adam Well, I got pulled over. They said I had to put it in the glove box. I can't hang it off the garter belt off the rear view anymore. I have to keep it in the glove box apparently. All right, so we will hear something from At The Drive In. You want to hear something soon? You want to take some calls?

14:43 Drew A couple of calls, then we'll hear it.

14:44 Adam Oh yeah?

14:44 Drew Yeah.

14:45 Adam Drew, you really set a cadence for the show tonight.

14:47 Drew I just want anything to avoid you to get into a food discussion.

14:51 Adam Hey, am I right though about this cranberry sauce? They open the can of cranberries when they could easily cook up some fresh cranberry sauce each year. I'm saying it's not okay. And I know the band agrees, even if it's quietly.

15:03 Bob?

15:05 Yeah.

15:05 Adam You're 14. What's up?

15:07 Caller Earlier today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. Yeah.

15:14 Yeah.

15:17 Adam How many times is that now that she's busted you?

15:21 Caller About zero.

15:23 That's the first time.

15:24 Adam I see.

15:25 Drew So what does she do?

15:26 Caller She just walked away. She's like ran out of the room and I just closed the door and I haven't spoke to her since. I just stayed in my room all night.

15:38 Adam Did she run out of the room?

15:40 Caller She just ran like she turned around and just she can't she doesn't only run but just speak.

15:47 Drew That's actually the right reaction is just get the hell out of there.

15:50 Caller Yeah.

15:50 Drew That's the appropriate reaction.

15:52 Adam I see.

15:53 Drew And whether or not they talk about it is gonna be true.

15:55 Adam You try to talk your kid down. This is healthy. Put the penis down.

15:59 Drew Are you kidding? I walk away from smacking him. Are you kidding?

16:02 Adam Walk away from the scrotum. No one gets hurt.

16:05 Drew Are you kidding? It's a male.

16:07 Adam All right. Is she is your dad around?

16:10 Drew Oh, yeah.

16:11 Adam Yeah. You think maybe she'll talk to him. He talk her down. You know what I mean?

16:17 Drew When she says she should go to dad and dad to decide what to do with this.

16:21 Adam Why dad? Well, because dad's been there. Dad's been a 14 year old male. Theoretically.

16:27 Drew It's a little less weird. It's a little less weird for Bob.

16:30 Adam Yeah.

16:31 Caller Go ahead, Omar. I was just going to say females masturbate too. Yeah.

16:35 Adam They don't normally get to it as quick and as often as guys do. You know, Drew, by 14, you'd had a black belt and jack it off, right?

16:43 Drew Jack belt.

16:44 Adam Jack belt.

16:45 At The Drive In Third degree.

16:46 Drew Yeah.

16:47 That's right.

16:48 Adam No, I mean, the thing is, is if she says to the husband, I saw Bob touching.

16:53 Drew In fact, it would be very usual.

16:55 Adam Bob should say, relax, I was doing it at 14 too. It's no big deal.

16:59 Drew Most women, if they masturbate, don't get to that till they're well into their late teens and 20s.

17:04 At The Drive In Right. All right. Bob?

17:05 Caller Yeah.

17:06 Adam Yeah. It's one of those uncomfortable rites of passage that everyone goes through.

17:11 Caller I know, but tomorrow's Thanksgiving, so.

17:13 Adam Yeah. I see. Wash your hands. All right. What are you going to do? Mount the turkey or?

17:20 Drew I just don't see. I don't see any upside to having a big discussion about it.

17:23 Caller I really don't.

17:24 Drew Yeah. Just let it go.

17:25 Adam I don't know. I've been caught. You guys been caught? I've been caught a couple of times.

17:29 Drew I've never been caught. A couple of times.

17:30 At The Drive In Couple of times.

17:32 Drew That means you wanted to be caught.

17:33 Adam No, I never. I never. I got. See, my dad knew he didn't want to see me jacking off. He still doesn't. I asked him the other day when I was drunk.

17:42 Dad, you want me to jack off?

17:45 Adam Really? Come on. And we're men now. Come on. No, he didn't want. So in my stepmom didn't either. So it was always that little tap on the door. You know, code word, you sleeping with your hand feverishly moving in your underpants. One time, my dad or stepmom or someone just stumbled into the room kind of thing. And there was, you know, the cover pulled up around my neck and, you know, shoes hanging out, shoes and bunched up pants hanging up. I'm sleeping. Yeah, I'm too tired to take my shoes and pants off. You know, sometimes you're taking a crap and you just walk with your pants down around your ankles in your bed and take a nap. Another time, though, this is my worst one. Really, I never told the story. It was humiliating. I was probably 18 and a half. My good friend, John Tyler, was one of those obnoxious guys, you know, was always shooting you with a BB gun. This is a guy took a full sack, a five pound sack of gold metal flour and threw it into my industrial fan, which was on high next to my bed while I was asleep. Took a full sack of flour and just disintegrated it into this fan. I had weevils in my room from the flour. I mean, the flour never stopped. You'd wipe it down and a week later it settled again. It was on everything. But anyway, I was going at it pretty good. And he was one of these guys who made like these Kramer type entrances. You know what I mean? He didn't tap on the door or even walk in. He walked in like it was a cartoon. You know, he'd come busting in. He'd come bounding it. And I was going at it and I was right there. I mean, something was coming out of me when he busted in the room. And it was like, there's nothing you could do with that. He was like screaming. It was just bad timing.

19:37 Drew What did he do?

19:38 Adam He just started cackling and howling.

19:40 Drew He ran down the street announcing it to everyone to get a megaphone out.

19:43 Adam You know that threshold.

19:45 At The Drive In Yeah, I forget where you were.

19:46 Adam Once you cross that threshold, it's like, sperm, get back in there. No way.

19:50 Drew What did he do in response?

19:51 At The Drive In He just started screaming.

19:53 Adam He just, yeah, basically, I think he went out and tried to rent a bullhorn. He didn't have one on him. I was screaming down the street and I was like, I was kind of in shock and I didn't know what to do.

20:04 At The Drive In And I was like, everything was a mess.

20:05 Drew How did it resolve?

20:08 Adam It's not as if people didn't suspect. I was having an affair with myself.

20:13 Drew Were you able to go out and carry on that evening? Or did you hide a shame?

20:16 Adam No, he was relentless. I saw him, but he never stopped.

20:20 Caller Oh my God.

20:21 Adam Never stopped. This is the same guy, by the way. This is the second most embarrassing situation of my life. I had a big crush on his sister, Phyllis. Of course, she didn't like me. She was a year older than me. I was like 15. I was really into her. I was sitting on a rocking chair in their living room one day. I was friends with the family. Phyllis came in and sat on my lap. It was rocking on this rocking chair. I was 15. I was going insane. Hormones popping. I was going nuts. He was in the next room. There was a little curtain type thing. He was spying on us a little bit. She was sitting on my lap. I was going, Oh my God. Oh my God. And she goes, and like the phone rang or something. And she goes, Oh, hold on a second. She got up and I was like, Holy Christ. So I got, and I stood up and I was like adjusting myself and stuff. And I was kind of pacing around. I was nervous and didn't know what to do. And I heard her hang up the phone and I like dove back into the rocking chair, started running for the rocking chair, slid back into it. So she'd get back on my lap. And sure enough, she came in, she sat back down on my lap. And then John walked in and he said, Phyllis, he was walking around, pacing around, checking his junk. And soon as he heard you coming back, he dove back in. I was so humiliated. That and the jack, yeah. Oh my God.

21:36 Drew Bad times.

21:37 Adam Bad times.

21:38 Drew Why do you hang out with a-holes like that?

21:40 Adam Bad times. Drew, everyone I knew was an a-hole.

21:42 At The Drive In I had no choice but to hang with a-holes.

21:44 Adam You guys know, you guys hung with a-holes. That's right. Yep. Yeah.

21:48 At The Drive In You guys.

21:48 Adam And you, you abuse back. That's what you do. That's the code of the a-hole. You hung around with guys with the monograms and smoking jackets. You guys who had those.

21:58 Drew Different kind of a-hole.

21:59 Adam Yeah. One of those dogs that looked like women, those skinny dogs that British royalty has, the curled up tail and the long hair. These are your friends like bread doughs. Yeah, the head Afghans, right? Using like an extension on their crazy straw that was made of pewter. They're very upper crust kids, right?

22:22 At The Drive In Yeah.

22:23 Adam Air bag on the big wheel.

22:25 At The Drive In Sure.

22:25 Adam Yeah. I didn't hang around with those kids. No.

22:28 Drew Shirley 25.

22:29 Caller Hello.

22:30 Adam What's up?

22:31 Caller I have a question. I would like to know if there is a procedure, women can go through kind of like a circumcision? If there are...

22:40 Drew Well, circumcision would be of the clitoris, right?

22:42 Caller Well, okay. Well, maybe not that. The inner lips, if they are too long...

22:49 Drew They come out.

22:50 Caller Yeah, they're just hanging there too much and you want to cut them down.

22:54 Drew There is such a thing.

22:55 Caller There is. You can get that done.

22:58 Adam Yeah, they have a vagioplasty or something. I heard somebody talking. Have you guys heard about this?

23:03 At The Drive In Never.

23:06 Adam They do cosmetic vaginal work now. Yeah, they do like hymen restoration.

23:12 Caller Why would you want to do that?

23:14 Caller Because they're awful.

23:15 Adam Yeah. You don't want your crotch looking like it threw up.

23:18 Caller It's just, you know, it's not pretty.

23:21 Adam No, I know. No, listen, I know it's easy for us as guys to go, ah, you're beautiful the way you are, just as long as we don't have to see you. But I mean, the reality is, if you're 25, this stuff doesn't usually start happening until later in life, right? You've seen an 80-year-old vagina, right?

23:37 Drew Yeah. Well, it starts going away by then.

23:40 Adam What happened?

23:40 Drew It started receding a little bit.

23:41 Adam The vagina?

23:42 Drew Yeah. What do you mean?

23:43 Adam Like, floppy and coobs are hanging out?

23:45 Drew It becomes atrophic. No, that happens too.

23:47 Adam What happens to it?

23:48 Drew It becomes atrophic.

23:50 Adam It just goes away?

23:51 Drew It shrinks.

23:52 Adam It's just like, no use for this anymore. No? Really?

23:55 Drew Yeah.

23:56 Adam And then this doesn't stuff hang out?

23:58 Drew Yeah, it can happen to it. Prolapse stuff can pop out.

24:01 At The Drive In Surely?

24:02 Caller Yeah.

24:02 Adam Yeah, you'll have a head start on all the other 80-year-olds.

24:06 At The Drive In Yeah, you'll be dragging it out of the ground.

24:08 Drew Have you had any children?

24:10 Caller No.

24:10 Drew Okay. All right, somebody can look into it if you want.

24:13 Adam How about lengthening the outer lips instead of shortening the inner ones?

24:16 Caller Have them stretched.

24:17 Adam Yeah, he's hanging the weights off it. Now, they have this procedure. Are you married? Do you have a man?

24:23 Caller Yes, I am.

24:24 Adam Oh, really?

24:25 Caller I'm married. Yeah.

24:26 Drew Does he care?

24:28 Caller No, he doesn't, but it's just more for me. You know...

24:32 Drew What's that again?

24:33 Caller You know...

24:33 Drew So I feel sexy.

24:34 Caller I've seen... Yeah, you know...

24:35 I feel sexy for...

24:37 Caller And, you know, vaginas are much prettier with the smaller inner lips, to me, anyway.

24:42 Adam I know, but listen, you're married to a guy who does not care about this. All right?

24:47 Caller Yeah.

24:48 Adam All right, so you shouldn't care about it either, because that's his part now. It's his vagina. It's no longer yours. You get married, you give your vagina to your partner. And listen, I wouldn't want some guy working on my wife's vagina for any real period of time, you know? You know what I mean? Cutting and snipping and, you know, sewing and things can go wrong. You're fine, Shirley.

25:11 Caller Oh, well, thank you.

25:11 Adam Why don't you just grow the hair out?

25:13 Caller No, that's ugly, too.

25:15 Adam You grow that little dwarf's beard down there, you know, a little coati, tease it out toward the bottom.

25:21 Drew Very nice, Adam. Okay, well, thank you very much. Pambri is a far more appealing discussion somehow.

25:28 Adam I don't know.

25:28 Drew Let's take a song, huh?

25:30 Adam Oh, you want to hear a song? Drew is really set, really set in the cage. All right, this is At the Drive In. You cute up there, Anderson? What are you saying now? This is called One-Armed Scissor.

29:30 Yes, indeed.

29:32 Adam At the Drive In is the name of the band. Relationship of Command is the name of the CD. We'll hear something else off it before the...

29:41 Drew Maybe right now.

29:43 Adam Oh, I see.

29:43 Drew I'm sorry.

29:44 Adam Before the night is through, the guys are all here. I've been told we have some pumpkin pie. So we're gonna get into that. Should we take one more call?

29:57 At The Drive In Yeah, one more.

29:58 Caller Break here.

29:59 Adam Is that Kabir?

30:01 At The Drive In Hey.

30:02 Adam Hey, Kabir.

30:04 At The Drive In Hey, I called a couple of weeks ago for System of a Down.

30:07 At The Drive In Yeah, Kabir, yeah, hey, yeah.

30:10 At The Drive In I filtered my name there for a while. Right. I actually have a question for At the Drive-In.

30:15 At The Drive In Here they are.

30:16 At The Drive In Yep, big fan, you guys. Good to see you guys have out. I was wondering if you guys have a really fresh new sound. I was actually wondering who your inspirations were and what kind of band you want to be in the next couple of years or so.

30:32 Caller Well, our inspirations, I think, go into anything from dub reggae to death metal. We listen to everything. We like everything. Our van is full of any kind of music. We are five individuals that all write music and like a whole bunch of different stuff.

30:50 Caller As far as we want to be, I don't think any of us have any goals or try to look too far into the future because we just want to keep evolving with our music and finding other music or books or comedians that turn us on to new ideas. So I think it's all about keeping an open mind to new concepts.

31:10 Adam Yeah, there's a song you should cover. Hey Kabir, the band told me during the break that they wanted a Saturday morning cartoon.

31:18 At The Drive In That would be great. Actually, Adam, you are...

31:20 Adam They're all like superheroes, super drummers, super bass players. They use their instruments to fight crime.

31:26 At The Drive In Sweet, that sounds pretty cool actually. Adam actually sent...

31:30 Adam I mean, for the money. They weren't going to do it in the voices or anything.

31:32 Caller Just money. Yeah, just money.

31:35 At The Drive In You're the funniest man alive, you are the oddest. And actually, I was wondering if you could do my voicemail.

31:40 Adam Yeah. Did we try this?

31:42 At The Drive In I got it all set up and stuff.

31:43 Adam Did we try this three weeks ago?

31:45 At The Drive In Yeah, but you had to call the person that's all messed up. I've got it all set up for you.

31:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah, people are great. People are like...

31:51 Drew We'll get to do it now.

31:51 Adam I will. Hold on. People are like, well, could you do my outgoing message? And I go, yeah, okay. And I go, okay. Well, can you, you want to come by after the show? No. Well, you said you're going to, if it's easy, yeah. Kabir?

32:06 At The Drive In That's correct.

32:07 Adam Yeah. Is it pronounced Kabir? Yep.

32:09 At The Drive In You pronounce it wonderfully.

32:11 Adam And wait, would you have your own phone line?

32:13 At The Drive In No, I got to ask you a cell phone.

32:15 Adam Oh, you son of a bitch. Cell phone. We didn't know from cell phones when we were 16. I taught, you know what I had talked into when I was 16? A shoe. I didn't know any better. You understand? A sweaty tennis shoe. That's how we communicated. Drew, back in the day, used, you were still using smoke signals, weren't you?

32:37 Drew Coconuts would hit the...

32:38 Adam Oh, yeah, tap coconuts together, Drew. Drew had a tom-tom drum. He would beat out messages to his friends in the Pasadena area.

32:48 Drew You were 14 once.

32:49 Adam No, we didn't have, we didn't have even a rotary phone. We had to, I had to climb the telephone pole like green anchors in order to talk. Yeah, now you kids with your cell phones and your pagers and your wireless internet, you don't know how good you had it. You know what I had to play with when I was a kid?

33:07 Drew Just put your answer down as a machine. Let's get on with the pumpkin pie.

33:10 Adam One of those evil, can evil. Motorcycle wheelie things that you'll wound up, you break, I got Corporal Tunnelson from Whine in there. Oh, we got pumpkin pie?

33:18 Drew Yeah, leave the message.

33:19 Adam All right, Kabir, are you ready to go?

33:21 At The Drive In I'm right now.

33:22 Drew Three, two, one, action.

33:25 Adam Hi, this is celebrity Adam Carolla of television, radio, and theater, legitimate theater. Kabir is not here. He's away. He's masturbating. Leave a message on the phone his parents paid for and he'll get back to you when he's done masturbating.

33:43 At The Drive In Thank you. All right, we'll see if we can edit that.

33:49 Adam All right, At The Drive In is here. We're gonna eat some pumpkin pie and we'll be back after this.

34:27 Adam Yeah, Loveline, I'm the Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Paul Omar and Tony are all here from At the Drive-In. We just got ourselves some pumpkin pie, some fans brought by, along with some homemade cranberry sauce. So, we're sitting pretty, really, we're in the cat bird seat. No, the cat seat. What do they call that, Drew? Whatever. That's what's beautiful about you. Omar will not eat the pumpkin pie because he's a vegan. But I was thinking about it while I was peeing. Oh, I see. No, this has like some eggs and some milk and some butter and some stuff like that. But how does that, what can you eat? Because if you, there's like vegetarian, right? And that eliminates some of the obvious stuff. But when you go full animal product, I mean, you're really painting yourself into a culinary corner. That's good alliteration because everything's got some eggs in it or some milk in it or some fat in it or some butter in it. But what do you, what will you eat or what can you eat?

35:35 Caller There's plenty of like Middle Eastern dishes that don't have any animal products in them or Puerto Rican and Cuban dishes that don't.

35:42 Adam Really?

35:42 Caller Yeah. Like plenty of food. There's there's you know, there's plantains and rice and vegetables and griffins and burritos of course. Right.

35:52 Adam Now, is he getting enough protein, Drew? Can he eat those legumes? Uh-oh.

35:57 Caller Here we go. Is he all right?

35:59 Adam Because his hair is sore. Something happened to his hair. No, you got you eat you eat so I'm getting enough protein and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. What do you know about all this? You know, you know, whenever they talk about if people stopped eating cows and started eating plants that we save the world like, uh, and Drew didn't know about all this methane stuff, about how much cows fart. That's why they're my favorite animal. I'm sure they fart so much that they're actually destroying the ozone with their ass, which is something in a way and I'm not happy about, but I respect in a certain way, you know, any animal that can fart up the, wouldn't it be ironic if cows ended up killing us? You know what I mean? It's like, I could just see some other, some other intelligent beings on some planet telling a tale about the, well, they raised them and they ate them. They ate them for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and they killed them in horrible ways and they enslaved them. But the cows had the last laugh. They farted up the entire planet. They burned the ozone away. And the, the population was killed. Do you know anything about that stuff, Omar?

37:07 Caller No, not really.

37:08 Adam You don't look into methane? No.

37:09 Caller Okay.

37:10 Adam It's good. It's a good ramp when people are giving you crap about eating cows. You started with the farting, it really shuts them up. All right. So where are we going here, Drew? Destiny? Destiny?

37:23 Caller Yes.

37:23 Adam You're 22.

37:24 Caller What's up? I have a problem. One thing is, okay, I just don't seem to be able to have an orgasm. I have a boyfriend and everything and I can get into it, but I've only had one one time and it's like, I don't know if there's something wrong with me or what.

37:42 Adam Yeah. And you say you've had one before with him or you haven't?

37:47 Well, yeah.

37:48 Drew That was with him?

37:49 Caller Yeah, like five, six months ago.

37:52 Adam Well, that's not bad. That's, you know, two and a half a year.

37:54 Drew What was different about that episode?

37:57 Caller Huh?

37:58 Drew What was unique about that episode?

38:00 Caller Well, it's because, you see, I mean, it's not like it's not my first.

38:04 Drew Destiny, why were you able to achieve an orgasm on that one time? What was different about that time?

38:11 Caller I have no idea. I don't know if it's because I got into it more or what it was.

38:15 Drew All right.

38:16 Adam So he didn't pull out any, you know, a cordless drill with a feather duster on the end of it or some double headed something or other. Nothing he did.

38:25 Caller No.

38:26 Adam How about if he does oral sex on you?

38:28 Caller Well, he does that too, but I don't know if there's something wrong with me here.

38:33 Adam Do you like that?

38:34 Caller Yeah.

38:35 Adam How did you have the orgasm the one time? You know, it turns out to be, you know what this show, I realized, we ended up becoming like orgasm interrogators. I feel like we're detectives working for the orgasm detectives. Ma'am, what time did you have the orgasm? Uh-huh. And where was your vagina during the orgasm?

38:57 Drew Any witnesses substantiate that?

38:58 Adam I see. I see. What are those names? I have to write that down. I see. Anything different? Anything peculiar? It would end up like interrogating. I feel like it would be shining.

39:06 Drew The limousine driver was waiting at the door?

39:10 Adam That's right. Cato was where during the orgasm? Destiny, was it oral sex or intercourse?

39:18 Caller No, it was intercourse.

39:19 Drew That's rare.

39:20 Caller I don't know. I think maybe sometimes...

39:22 Caller Do you still like him?

39:23 I'm very curious.

39:24 Drew Great question.

39:25 Adam Do you like him still?

39:26 Caller I like him. Yeah.

39:28 Caller He's started to travel.

39:29 Caller Forget it. He's out of there.

39:31 Adam Let me tell you, when you get that yeah, the trails off, yeah.

39:34 Caller Well, it's like, I don't know, it's two and a half years.

39:38 Caller It's like, damn.

39:40 Drew Your body's telling you something.

39:41 Adam Yeah.

39:42 Drew That your brain's not willing to admit.

39:44 Caller Okay. Because I just thought maybe there was something wrong with me.

39:46 Drew No, you're fine.

39:47 Caller No.

39:48 Drew You did it. You were able to do it that time. You're not a medication?

39:51 Caller No.

39:52 Adam No. I agree with Drew. Your brain's writing checks, your vagina can't cash, sister. It's good tough talk. You may be done with this. That's a good bumper sticker too. You may be done with this relationship.

40:09 Oh, okay.

40:10 Caller Yeah.

40:10 Adam All right. You don't have to kill him or anything. Just break up though, right?

40:14 Caller Okay.

40:15 Adam Yeah. You're 22. You've been in this since you're like 19 and a half. It's done.

40:20 At The Drive In All right, babe.

40:21 Adam This is another great part about this show. People call up with long-term relationships.

40:26 Adam Well, we were going to get married. No, it's over. Well, geez, I'm supposed to be with his family tomorrow. Yeah, that ain't going to happen. No, you stay home and start drinking now. Okay. And then burn his house down. What do you say? Collect the insurance. Carmine?

40:43 Caller Yeah, this is Carmine.

40:46 Adam Is your name Carmine?

40:48 Caller Yeah. No, it's not.

40:50 Adam No, I know it's not because people don't go, yes, this is Carmine.

40:54 At The Drive In They don't say their name like that.

40:56 Caller Hey, I just want to first say to you guys are you guys rock. I love your show.

41:01 Adam Thank you.

41:01 Caller And I would actually pay to hear it every night if I had to.

41:05 Drew All right, that's an idea.

41:06 Adam I've been trying to implement that system for a long time in radio, just a little change slot on the side of the radio that you feed like a meter.

41:14 Caller I would do it, a nickel a night, I swear.

41:17 Adam That's my take, by the way, I don't want to go off too far on a tangent here, but for life support system, you know how people complain like it cost the hospital too much and this guy's been a vegetable for four years and he's not coming back. How about putting a little, Drew, you work at a hospital, like a meter, like a park meter. Let's see if your family loves you. You see, if they're feeding quarters and who wants to wake up in a world where they're not? Do you know what I'm saying? It solves itself and the hospital doesn't have to foot the bill.

41:49 Drew It's basic human behavior. When you give feedback to humans, they change their behavior.

41:54 Adam Yeah, see how much they would argue with the staff of the hospital about keeping their grandpa on that heart machine if they are actually feeding it. I don't think so. Carmine?

42:03 Caller Yeah, I'm still here.

42:04 Adam Thank you. What's up?

42:06 Caller Well, the last couple of weeks I've had a big problem. I've been working out for a little while and I just started taking creatine and it's caused some, when I work out, do really strenuous exercises like bench press or something like that. I tend to, I guess, leak a little bit.

42:26 Drew I doubt that's the creatine.

42:27 Caller No?

42:28 Drew That's just leaking, which is something that weight lifters get and there's even a weird thing that some weight lifters get when it's bad for the prostate, that kind of straining and it irritates it.

42:37 Adam Hold on, you're leaking?

42:40 Caller I don't know, it's even shown through a couple of times.

42:44 Drew Well, and sometimes, what some guys get is something in the prosthetic secretions actually dissolve the nylon in the, like the sweatpants and things. So you get little holes, it's very strange.

42:54 At The Drive In No. Yes.

42:56 Drew Go to a gym, you'll notice guys have a little tiny holes down here.

42:59 Adam Yeah, that's the gay gym.

43:03 Drew No, no.

43:03 Adam Drew, remember when we went to that gay gym, like when we were doing Loveline a couple of summers ago? Yeah. It gets a little weird over there. A bunch of scary guys with veins in their calves and stuff. I feel like yelling at everyone, hey, it's noon, it's Tuesday. What the hell is going on? What are you guys doing? Don't you got jobs? What's going on with gay guys that they don't have to work?

43:23 Drew They work out though.

43:24 Adam I know, they just work and work out, work out. I know they're very savvy in the business world. It must be because they seem to be independently wealthy or they work nights. Carmine, go easy on those heavyweights.

43:37 Drew Breathe.

43:38 Adam Listen, that's for other guys. Chicks don't like that. You understand?

43:43 Drew Adam keeps telling himself this anyway.

43:44 Adam Chicks like bony guys with hair on their ass.

43:47 At The Drive In Well, I got that too, but yeah, good.

43:50 Adam Good guy. Alright, have fun with the penis.

43:53 Drew More cardio.

43:54 Adam More cardio. Alright, I want to ask Omar a question back to the veganism, per se.

44:00 Caller Here you go.

44:00 Adam I've heard that the semen tastes better if it's not like tainted with a bunch of hot dogs and things like that. Do we have, and I know you wouldn't know, have you ever got any compliments or anything?

44:14 Caller Tell them about the pee.

44:15 Adam Anything changed in you?

44:17 Caller I don't think so.

44:18 Caller I wouldn't know.

44:19 Caller We can go find out right now.

44:22 Adam We're going to the parking lot. You're a scientist for Christ's sake. Get out there. Leave the pie. But what about like number one and number two? Does that seem a little better since you switched over?

44:34 Caller I think for me, but I always drink a lot of water and everything.

44:37 Drew It includes mini marshmallows now.

44:39 Caller Yeah.

44:40 Adam They're like the stuff, the lucky charms. The blue diamonds. All right, let's talk to Carrie.

44:47 Oh, hi.

44:48 Adam Hey, you're 20. What's up?

44:49 Caller Oh, that was my question, what you just asked him.

44:52 Drew Really?

44:52 Adam Were you going to ask that to Omar?

44:55 Caller Oh, no, not to him.

44:55 Adam Or just in general?

44:56 Caller But just in general, if it's true that there's any sort of difference between like having a diet with like meat and animal products and one without, if it affects the taste or the smell or texture of ejaculate or anything.

45:09 Drew You would think if it really did, we'd hear about it.

45:11 Adam Well, it may have some impact, but, you know, I mean, like I said, let's, I'm sorry, I'm eating my pumpkin pie, but let's use another, let's use crap as an example. Your crap is going to be bad if you just live off of jerky and cocktail weenies and shrimp cocktail, right?

45:34 Drew How much better you make it?

45:35 Adam But I don't care if a guy ate a watermelon and had a lettuce, I wouldn't get down in that toilet. Right. So it goes from bad to extra bad or horrible to extra bad or whatever it is.

45:45 Drew And I'm guessing it's about the same with semen, which is, it's not going to, Especially as people spend a lot of time and energy trying to make it better, because it is awful.

45:52 At The Drive In Right.

45:52 Drew You really, if somebody figured something out, we'd all know about it.

45:55 Adam Yeah, it's bad.

45:57 At The Drive In All right?

45:58 Caller All right, I just wondered, thanks.

45:59 At The Drive In Yeah. All right.

46:01 Adam Well, I mean, I don't know. They know it's like Eskimos. They just live off of like seal and whale blubber and stuff. You're blowing Eskimo, Drew?

46:09 Drew No, no.

46:10 Adam Oh, you haven't?

46:10 Drew I have to think back.

46:11 Adam You said in college you blew a few Eskimos. No?

46:15 Drew Those weren't Eskimos. They were.

46:18 Adam Totally different. All right. At the Drive-In is our guest. And now we're going to take a little break. I'm going to eat the rest of this pie. What do you say we kill this pie? You guys with me? All right. We'll be back after this. Hey, hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Just gonna, let's all take one bite out of this last piece of pie, what do you say? Because no one wants to say they eat three pieces. I'm finished.

47:19 Drew No, no, no, you're not done.

47:21 Adam You're not done till I say, you're done. Now I'm taking it, well, that's about half.

47:27 Yeah.

47:28 Adam Oh, go ahead. All right, Anderson. Yeah, this is yours, buddy. I got a 32nd of a pie here. You know what's great about pie? It's not a metaphor. It's actually, we're talking about a piece of pie. I mean, you're talking about cutting us an eighth or a sixteenth or whatever it is. All right, at the Drive-In is our guest tonight. We'll hear something else off the CD in the next hour and we'll hop back on the phones, Mike.

47:55 Hey, Adam.

47:55 Adam Hey, you're 15, what's up?

47:57 Caller Oh, not much. I just want to say you guys rule. Thanks. Adam, I'd take a bullet for you, man.

48:03 Adam Would you?

48:04 Caller Not in the chest, though. Are you crazy?

48:05 Adam No. Where, like in the ass?

48:07 Caller Yeah.

48:08 Adam What if I shot you? Would that work mathematically?

48:12 Drew Last guy I took care of, this is God's truth, they got shot in the ass. A bullet came out his penis.

48:16 Adam No way. No, it didn't.

48:17 Drew Yes, it did.

48:18 Adam No, you know, Eli. Adam, it came, it didn't come down out as you read through.

48:23 Drew No, no, it came across. It ricocheted off one of these bones and came out across the penis.

48:28 Adam Did it, did it graze the penis or did it go through the little bit down the shop and came out about the middle of the shaft?

48:34 Drew And then the penis.

48:36 Adam Oh, the penis swelled up. Nice.

48:37 Drew Because all the artery got cut.

48:39 Adam Yeah. My I don't think my penis is wider than an average nine millimeter shell.

48:44 Drew It might destroy it.

48:45 Adam It might just chop it off. There would be bullet hanging out of each side of the penis.

48:51 Drew All right.

48:51 Adam What's up there, Mike?

48:53 Caller Okay. So pretty much the question is there's this really ugly chick who wants to, who's going to go to the, who asked me to dance, right? And it's pretty much a well-known fact around the school that she would probably give me the oral sex if I went to the dance with her, you know, after a party or something like that.

49:08 Adam I see.

49:09 At The Drive In That's nice.

49:10 Drew Her parents are delighted by that.

49:12 Caller Oh, sure they are.

49:13 Caller Yeah.

49:14 Caller And there's another chick who I want to go with, but she's pretty much, doesn't put out at all, but you know, she's hot and I'm embarrassed to be seen with the other person.

49:24 Caller You are an asshole.

49:25 At The Drive In Yeah, I see.

49:27 Adam Right?

49:27 Caller Thank you.

49:28 Adam All right. And so you got the dilemma. Yeah. Here's my compromise. Find a semi-attractive chick that will give you a hand job. I've been that's, you know, that to me is a compromise.

49:43 Caller That's what I've been looking for all my life.

49:45 Caller I just don't know if this guy's trying to be cooler.

49:47 Adam Yeah. He's grown up this way. It's not amused, Mike.

49:50 Caller Not at all, actually.

49:52 Caller I hate this dude.

49:53 Adam OK. Well, let's say.

49:54 Caller Don't.

49:56 Caller I haven't said no or yes or anything.

49:57 Drew I mean, if you if you hate her, don't go out. It's horrible.

50:01 Adam Listen, Mike, women aren't objects.

50:04 Caller You got to remember that.

50:05 Adam No, not at all.

50:06 Caller Just to start off with, let's try with ethics first and then we'll go to the next question.

50:10 At The Drive In Let me.

50:12 Adam She said you guys are a punk band or what?

50:14 At The Drive In Never hurts.

50:15 Adam I've never heard such talk from a band.

50:17 Caller You guys are soft, man.

50:18 Adam Hey, Mike, Mike, listen to me.

50:20 Caller Yeah.

50:22 Adam I'm going to say I'll tell you something. The semi sobering at, you know, it's easy when you're caught up in it, like in high school or junior high.

50:30 Drew I'll tell you about somebody whose demise occurred as a result of this kind of crap.

50:33 Adam Yeah. Well, not anymore because Drew just did. Thanks, Drew. That's good radio. I start to tell a story. Tell a story. Oh, shut up, you idiot. How dare you finish my story. Now, screw you. No lesson for you, Mike. Oh, I want you to abuse unattractive people for the rest of your life. You can thank Drew for it. Ruining my good story.

50:55 Drew When she kills herself blaming Adam for not having really told you what actually went down.

50:59 Adam Drew, what is wrong with you? What's wrong with you?

51:03 Drew Let's fight about it. What's wrong with you? That if I chime in with you, not only that, but.

51:07 Adam I start telling a story, you jump in and finish it.

51:11 Drew Yeah, that's right. And not only that.

51:13 Adam Drew, okay, listen. You start telling a story and I'll go, hey Mike, Drew's about to tell you a story that ends this way. Yeah, that's great radio.

51:20 Drew That's fine.

51:21 Adam Idiot. Go give Anderson the pie. Come on, I'm disgusted with you.

51:26 Drew No, I'll give it to him to break.

51:28 Adam Hey Mike. Yeah. All right, here's the deal. Don't, you will be different 10 years from now, God willing, and you will look back on some of these things and you don't want to have too big a rap sheet. You know what I'm saying? Emotionally. You don't want to have to answer to this. And people, I knew a girl, she killed herself later on in life. And it was someone that everyone made fun of. And I thank God that I did not join the people that made fun of her because otherwise I'd feel horrible. Good.

51:59 Drew You're doing it now, Mike.

52:00 Adam You're getting into it. That's all. Just find someone who looks as good or as bad as you do and get the hand job or go to the dance with someone that you actually whose presence you actually enjoy and you can have good conversations with.

52:13 Caller Maybe the end result isn't getting away.

52:15 Drew You guys are talking to Mike.

52:16 Adam I agree with Omar. You feed him wine coolers and get the hand job.

52:19 Caller I agree.

52:20 Adam Marissa?

52:21 Yeah.

52:22 Adam What's up? You're 19.

52:23 Caller Yeah, I'm 19. Good to see you. I was wondering if there was any physical way for a guy to tell if you're sleeping with someone else like in the same day or something because there's anything going on down there.

52:36 Adam Yeah, I can tell.

52:37 Caller You can tell.

52:38 Drew What's the problem here?

52:39 Adam I got a dog that sniffs that stuff out.

52:42 Drew What's going on?

52:43 Caller Well, I kind of am seeing like two people and like one of them just left and another one's coming at like 11.

52:50 At The Drive In Oh my God.

52:52 Caller I'm wondering if...

52:53 Drew Did he wear a condom?

52:54 Caller They're going to be like, yeah.

52:55 Caller Oh, I have to throw the wrapper away.

52:57 Adam Yeah, and wipe your belly off. That's the important part. If you ever walk around like a dish towel stuck to your belly.

53:04 Drew What do you get out of these two guys? What does that do for you?

53:08 Adam 14 inches of penis?

53:11 Caller That's so vulgar.

53:12 Drew What does that do for you?

53:14 Caller Well, one of the guys lives really far away and he's like my best friend and I'm like over for a really long time, but you mean he's like never here. And so I met this other guy that goes here. Well, he works here. And then so it's kind of like he works there. Yeah, he works at the hospital here. And so I met him and and so we kind of hit it off and I figured, well, I don't have anyone for the week. And well, so I don't know. I mean, am I going to get in big trouble?

53:46 Adam He's not going to know.

53:47 Drew May work on it.

53:48 Adam He won't know.

53:49 Caller He won't know at all. Well, I take your word on that.

53:52 Adam Listen, can you can you keep? You got a good poker face or just just got her face? I mean, can you can you keep a straight face?

54:01 Caller I think so.

54:02 Adam I mean, if if if he goes down on you, can you like not say, oh, Christ, not again or something like that?

54:09 Drew Do do either of them think they're in a committed relationship with you?

54:13 Caller Um, yeah, yeah.

54:16 Drew No, this isn't good. You got to break up with somebody. This is not fair to yourself. It's not fair to them.

54:22 Adam Oh, when he means not fair to herself, she's having a good time.

54:25 Caller Is she?

54:26 Drew She sounds conflicted about that.

54:27 Adam I don't know. Most what's wrong with you? Most women couldn't handle this.

54:30 Caller What's wrong with me?

54:31 Adam Yeah. Oh, what's up with you?

54:33 Caller I don't know. I just I guess I need someone. I don't know.

54:36 Adam Somebody is somebody abandoning you or abuse you or do something bad to you?

54:40 Caller No, not at all.

54:41 Drew It's just you're just why can't you be alone?

54:44 Caller I guess I guess that's what I'm scared of.

54:46 At The Drive In Why?

54:47 Caller Um, self-confidence issues. I don't know.

54:49 Drew Where did those come from? Where was that problem from?

54:53 Caller Long, I don't know, a long time building up. I just I don't want to be alone without somebody.

54:59 Drew And so I figure any eating disorder.

55:01 Caller You know, not at all.

55:03 Adam Yeah. Were you fat in high school?

55:06 Caller No, no, not at all.

55:08 Adam Your dad slapping around? You ever get raped?

55:11 Caller Uh-uh.

55:12 Adam Sexually abused in any way?

55:14 Caller No, I'm pretty normal.

55:15 Caller Physically abused?

55:17 Caller No.

55:18 At The Drive In You a big girl?

55:19 Caller I'm tall.

55:20 At The Drive In Yeah.

55:21 Caller Yeah, that has to do with it.

55:23 Adam Big and husky?

55:24 Caller No, no.

55:25 At The Drive In You're fat.

55:26 Adam Drew, please. She said no.

55:27 Caller I'm not fat.

55:28 Adam Hi Marissa. I play volleyball. All right. Well, have fun with the extra penis. And you know, don't you just pick the guy you like, the one guy you like and stick with him?

55:39 Drew Or not, whatever.

55:40 Adam And the good news is, is guys don't think women do this, so they're not suspicious. No, you're not gonna say anything.

55:46 Drew Wait a minute, night show males are completely focused on these kinds of issues. If you've lost your will to live, you don't think women do this.

55:55 Caller That's true. Yeah.

55:55 Drew Yeah. It's like, no, you don't care.

55:57 Adam I'm this close to not doing the right show because of me losing my will to live. But the point, the point is, is they will believe you. Yes.

56:03 Drew They will believe what you want them to believe.

56:05 Adam Yes, if you tell them, oh please, you think some guy just humped me an hour ago? They're gonna go along with that. They're not gonna believe that. All right. We're gonna take ourselves a break. We'll be back after this.

56:17 Loveline, Loveline, we'll be right back.

57:03 Adam Hey, Loveline, At the Drive-In, Sir. Yeah. I know the yeah is a little comp out, but I squeeze it in there. Very nice, I still think. Paul and Tony are here. I don't know where Omar's doing something on the computer or something, but he should pull himself in here soon. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191 is the phone number. That's Dr. Drew. Here comes Omar. Drew?

57:28 At The Drive In Yeah.

57:29 Adam You ready to get back on the phones?

57:30 At The Drive In I'm sorry, we have something.

57:32 Adam You know, I was thinking about a minute ago at Thanksgiving. Drew, what are you doing Thanksgiving at your house?

57:38 Caller Yep.

57:39 Adam Yeah? What are you guys? You going back to Texas?

57:41 Caller No, I'm just making some Thanksgiving dinner for my girlfriends and friends.

57:46 Adam Well, that's all right. She got a place out here?

57:48 Caller Yeah, we have a place.

57:49 Adam Oh, all right. Well, fine. You guys are good. What struck me about that Thanksgiving is that feeling about, it gets dark at 4.45, 5 o'clock. You've been drinking and stuffing your face since about 3.30. There's that feeling about, it feels like it's been a pretty long night and you go, what time is it? I'm going to head in.

58:14 Caller It's pretty late.

58:16 Adam Yeah, it's 6.15. You go, okay, well, I'll go to bed at 7. It's like what happens when you go camping. You go camping, it gets dark at 5, you're roasting marshmallows, you're sitting around and you go, well, I'm going to turn in and one of your buddies goes, it's 6.30. Okay, I'll rough it till 7, but that's as long as I'll make it. Alright, you ready to go here, Drew?

58:41 Caller Victor? Uh-huh.

58:42 Adam You're 21?

58:43 Caller Yeah.

58:43 Adam What's up?

58:44 Caller I wanted to like say what's up to At the Drive-In and stuff.

58:47 Adam Here they are.

58:49 Caller So, which ones are there? Is it just Tony and Paul and Omar, you said?

58:54 Adam Yep.

58:55 Caller I was just wondering, like, if you guys were ever going to, like, re-release Hell Paso, like, on 7-inch or on CD or something? No.

59:03 Caller No, never.

59:04 At The Drive In Never?

59:04 Caller Never.

59:05 Caller Why not?

59:05 At The Drive In You guys don't like the way it sounds or?

59:07 Caller Just a long time ago and, you know, we've done a lot of things after that, so.

59:12 Caller Uh-huh.

59:13 Caller Yeah. And I was also wondering if you guys ever, like, read the, like, Grand Royal Street Team, like, message board and stuff?

59:19 Caller No, I think we try and stay away from it.

59:21 Caller Excuse me?

59:22 Caller I think we try and stay away from it. It's more for the fans and, uh...

59:25 Caller Well, I was talking about, like, the Street Team.

59:27 Caller Oh, the Street Team.

59:28 Caller No, I never have, personally.

59:30 At The Drive In Oh, okay.

59:31 Caller Why? Oh, just so you know, because I'm, like, part of the Grand Royal Street Team and stuff.

59:35 At The Drive In Wow.

59:36 Caller Well, thank you.

59:37 At The Drive In Oh, you're welcome.

59:38 Adam Where are you calling from, Victor?

59:39 Caller La Mirada?

59:40 Adam Oh, yeah. And where is that?

59:42 Caller It's right there, right?

59:44 Drew Like, uh, Titan Beach.

59:46 Caller No, it's, like, by, um, Whittier.

59:48 Adam Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. It's God's country out there in, uh, La Mirada.

59:52 Caller Actually, it's pretty crappy.

59:53 Adam Yeah, it sucks, right? Whittier. Whittier sucks. Yeah. Yeah. I got trapped in an elevator once, and they say, uh, pick up the phone and, uh, call. Call a guy if you need help. Pick up the phone. I was in Beverly Hills. Pick up the phone, call the guy. I was like, yeah, hey, I'm trapped here between the 7th and 8th floor. Can you get me out? He goes, yeah, it's gonna take a minute. Where are you? In the basement or something? No, I'm in Whittier. Holy Christ. That's when I freaked out.

1:00:20 Caller I just wanted to say, like, what's up, Tata, driving and telling them that their new album is, like, really good and stuff.

1:00:25 Caller Thank you. Thank you very much.

1:00:27 Adam Thanks, Victor.

1:00:28 Caller Best ones and stuff.

1:00:30 Adam We'll hear something off in just a minute if you, uh...

1:00:32 Caller All right.

1:00:33 Adam If you, uh, listen up.

1:00:34 At The Drive In Yeah.

1:00:35 Adam All right, Victor.

1:00:35 At The Drive In Okay.

1:00:36 Caller Take it easy.

1:00:37 Adam Uh, let's talk to, uh... Whoa, is that Fallon? Yep. Fallon.

1:00:43 Caller Fallon.

1:00:43 Adam Yeah.

1:00:44 Caller How you doing?

1:00:45 Adam What's up? You're 16.

1:00:46 Caller Yeah. The last, uh, six or seven months, I'd say, I've had this ex-girlfriend of mine, she's been, like, stalking me.

1:00:55 Drew What do you mean?

1:00:57 Caller Well, like, when I drive to work, I'll see her car, like, a few cars back, and then when I'm going back to home, back home from work, she'll be following me again.

1:01:07 Drew Maybe she works near you.

1:01:09 Caller Well, no, she doesn't. She's only 15. She, she doesn't work. I've talked to her friend of hers.

1:01:13 Adam She's driving a car? 15?

1:01:15 Caller Yeah, she's taking her sister's car.

1:01:17 Adam I see.

1:01:18 Caller And at school, I'll see her, like, staring at me at lunchtime, when I'm just walking around, I see her following me all the time. Then about three months ago, there was an incident. She, she egged my car and put all like a swatch to cause on it with markers and said something about like didn't keep the deal.

1:01:39 Drew Did you sleep with her? Did you sleep?

1:01:42 Caller I just kissed her and that's it.

1:01:43 Adam Oh, really?

1:01:44 Caller Nothing more.

1:01:45 Adam Well, how long did you go out with her?

1:01:47 Caller Maybe about a month.

1:01:49 Adam That's all you got?

1:01:50 Caller Well, yeah, she was kind of nuts.

1:01:52 At The Drive In All right.

1:01:53 Adam All right. Well, yep, she's nuts.

1:01:54 At The Drive In All right.

1:01:55 Caller Yeah, but I've tried to call the cops and they say they have to have physical evidence of her doing that.

1:01:59 Drew Yeah, just document everything. It gets help from the school because they should be able. They should be worrying about her well-being and try to get their hands on her and see if they can get her some help.

1:02:08 Caller I told her counselor about it. She said she talked to her.

1:02:10 Adam Oh, really?

1:02:11 Caller That was about a month ago.

1:02:12 Drew Keep at it. Keep at it.

1:02:13 Adam They'll talk to her again. You sound all right, Fallon.

1:02:16 Drew Are you smoking cigarettes?

1:02:18 Caller Am I smoking cigarettes? Right.

1:02:19 Drew It just sounds like you're exhaling, right?

1:02:21 Caller No, I smoke a lot.

1:02:22 Drew So it's you're smoking right now.

1:02:24 Caller No, I'm not.

1:02:24 Drew Then I'm hearing like an asthma then.

1:02:27 Caller I think I have like a lung thing. I don't know.

1:02:29 Adam Just say you're smoking.

1:02:30 Caller OK, I'm smoking.

1:02:31 Adam Yeah, because he'll bust your ass. He can smell booze over the radio, too. I swear to Christ, you will come in here. Who's drinking? Who's drinking? You're in. Someone drank tonight. Well, I had a glass of wine with my dinner. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Get you in the detox front.

1:02:48 Drew So did you can you guys hear that? He's like 16. He's already short of breath.

1:02:53 Adam No, he's got a lung problem. He usually uses oxygen. Believe it or not.

1:02:58 Drew Smoking through his tracheostomy.

1:03:00 Adam Tracheostomy. Kyle, hello. You're 14. What's up?

1:03:07 At The Drive In Oh, I just want to say what's up to you guys.

1:03:09 Caller You guys are God.

1:03:10 At The Drive In Thank you.

1:03:12 Adam Wait a minute. We both God?

1:03:14 At The Drive In Yeah, both of you. Well, you're like super funny. You're like the funniest guy I've ever heard in my life.

1:03:19 Adam Yeah, yeah. It's good.

1:03:20 At The Drive In Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, I have like an eight-inch penis and like during PE when I like, we have to dress out, it like kind of hangs out and stuff. And like other guys see it and it's kind of weird. I was just wondering if there's anything I can like do.

1:03:36 Adam No, no. That broke my heart when I was in junior high. My dork was so big, it hung out of my gym shorts and it was tough. It was hard. I had to duct tape it.

1:03:44 Drew Because you were two foot three at the time.

1:03:47 Adam I had the shorts pulled up under my armpits. Yeah. And the crotch cut out. Yeah.

1:03:51 At The Drive In I was also wondering, is that like normal? Like I'm only 14.

1:03:54 Drew It's normal for you. It's fine. But what about wearing a jockstrap or something?

1:03:57 Adam Yeah. You really can't keep your... Listen, Kyle, okay, let me just use this as an example. Nobody has bigger penises than the guys in the NBA, right? Yeah. They're black. They're 6'9. They run up and down the court all night long, jumping, dunking, blocking shots. Their dork never comes out of those shorts, all right? You don't think you can make it from the lockers over to the tetherball court without your junk hanging out? Yeah. See what you can do, you idiot. I am the big boy. He's an idiot. He's got a penis hangs out. Listen, I don't mind a guy saying he has a big penis. I'm fine with that. But don't give us that story about you can't handle it. I woke up, my penis was robbed at a liquor store. They fired on it twice, it returned fire. Where is it now? It's in Mexico. It's under assumed name.

1:04:49 Drew With glasses in a beard.

1:04:53 Adam It crossed the border. It says it was a DEA agent. It was posing as an agent. I guess it got a fake ID from its NARD buddies. Don't give us that, I can't control my huge penis. Just tell me you got a big penis. That's fine. Heather?

1:05:11 Caller Yeah.

1:05:11 Adam You're 15.

1:05:12 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:05:13 Adam What's up?

1:05:14 Caller Thank you for taking my call.

1:05:15 Caller Sure.

1:05:17 Caller I have reason to believe that I was molested as a real little kid by my father.

1:05:22 At The Drive In How? Why?

1:05:24 Caller Because I have a really poor relationship with him. I feel very uncomfortable around him for actually no particular reason. And I have a lot of problems committing to any sort of relationships. And I really don't know why. And I was just wondering if this, you know, I... It's not... I don't think these are thoughts that just kind of come out of nowhere.

1:05:47 Drew Yeah, but your dad may just not be a great guy or not been available or tuned to you the way you needed him. And that's enough to screw up your relationships. You don't have to be overtly abused.

1:05:56 Caller Okay. Well, I was physically abused as a child, but I don't...

1:05:59 Drew All right. Well, that'll do it. You're fine. That's the problem.

1:06:03 Caller Okay. Is there any way I can kind of get through this without therapy or counseling? Like, or not necessarily...

1:06:12 Drew You know, the...

1:06:13 Adam How badly did he physically abuse you?

1:06:16 Caller It was...

1:06:17 Caller I don't know. He would... He'd hit me and, you know, slap me around a bit, but it wasn't...

1:06:23 Adam Yeah. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

1:06:26 Caller Yes, I do.

1:06:27 Adam And they do the same thing to them?

1:06:29 Caller Yeah.

1:06:30 Adam What about your other sisters? Are they older or younger?

1:06:32 Caller I have one older brother and he would... He'd get slapped around quite a bit as well.

1:06:37 Adam Right. Right. Yeah, you know, I tend to agree with Drew, which is, you know, if he sexually abused you, you'd probably remember it or know it. But him physically abusing you is bad enough and it's enough for you to have a bad feeling when you see the guy.

1:06:53 Caller Okay.

1:06:53 Drew Because it gets hardwired into your brain.

1:06:55 Adam Yeah. Just stick with the physical part. That's plenty.

1:06:59 Caller Is there anything I can do to kind of overcome this?

1:07:01 Drew Well, it's actually pretty complicated, but a simple thing you might try is to, when you do date guys, try not to be guys you're too excited about, that you're too attracted to.

1:07:15 Caller I love that.

1:07:16 At The Drive In Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:17 Drew And try to make it somebody that looks good on paper to you, some of the kind of guy you should be with, some of the kind of guy you should date and try to form a relationship with and see if you can find some way of connecting with that person.

1:07:28 Adam I agree. See if you can find a guy who nauseates you physically, physically makes you sick and then date the hell out of him.

1:07:35 Caller Okay.

1:07:36 Adam Just be careful for those bad boys.

1:07:38 Caller All right.

1:07:38 Adam You're going to be attracted to those dangerous guys.

1:07:41 Caller Okay.

1:07:41 Adam Because your dad was in a hole and he was abusive and you may get caught up with someone who's abusive. You have a much higher likelihood of getting caught up with someone who's abusive.

1:07:50 Drew Way higher. And that's the one you'll find magically you can connect with.

1:07:54 Adam Right.

1:07:54 Drew And that's not what you want.

1:07:55 Caller So are you saying basically just kind of go for the guy that is the exact opposite of a father?

1:08:01 Drew No. Just somebody that's not so exciting. It should be somebody you're interested in. If you have common interests and...

1:08:06 Adam Find a Jewish. Do you know any Jewish guys? Yeah. Yeah. Date one of them. They're used to being beaten by women. They don't beat as much themselves.

1:08:16 Caller Okay.

1:08:16 Adam Okay.

1:08:17 Caller Thank you very much. Yeah.

1:08:19 Adam That's right. Right, Drew? You're half Jewish, right?

1:08:21 Drew Sonja, she's 20.

1:08:22 Adam No, but a Jewish man is used to being abused by his wife as opposed to abusing the wife. Do you see what I'm saying?

1:08:29 Drew Right.

1:08:30 Adam They don't do...

1:08:30 Drew It's just... It's more of taking abuse, not being abused.

1:08:33 Caller Right.

1:08:34 Drew What would it take?

1:08:34 Adam Right.

1:08:35 Caller Right.

1:08:35 Adam That's what I'm saying. And she needs to vent. That's what I'm saying. Sonja?

1:08:40 Caller Yeah.

1:08:41 Adam What's up?

1:08:41 Caller Hi.

1:08:42 Caller Hey.

1:08:44 Caller I have a question about Depovera. I was actually... I got on it... I put on it like eight months ago, and I stopped taking it because I was gaining a lot of weight. So, but...

1:08:56 Adam That's a birth control shot for everyone who didn't pick up on that pronunciation.

1:09:00 Caller Right. Yes. Okay.

1:09:02 Adam That's all right.

1:09:03 Caller And then... But my sex drive has decreased so much. I mean, before me and my boyfriend used to have, like, a good sexual relationship. But now, I don't even feel like having sex at all or anything in that matter. Like, I don't even like kissing that much.

1:09:21 Drew How long ago was the last shot?

1:09:24 Caller I only got one shot and then I stopped taking it.

1:09:27 Drew How long ago was the shot?

1:09:28 Adam Anything but the question.

1:09:30 Drew The answer.

1:09:30 Caller Sorry, I didn't... Sorry.

1:09:32 Adam No, I know. It's not you. It's everyone. It just adds up. How long ago did you take the shot? I only got one shot. Oh, I see.

1:09:39 Caller I think it was around...

1:09:42 Caller June.

1:09:43 Drew Oh, it's been a while. You've been depressed since?

1:09:47 Caller No, not so much.

1:09:49 Caller I mean, I was going through a lot too, but...

1:09:51 Drew Yeah, I wonder if there's something else going on, like a depression, something else.

1:09:54 Adam What have you been going through?

1:09:56 Caller Oh, like this whole thing with my family.

1:09:59 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah. We know all about it. We read the papers. I understand.

1:10:04 Caller Well, I come from an Asian family. So, or half Asian, or my mom's side. And so...

1:10:10 Adam Me too.

1:10:11 Caller They're really, like, strict on rules. And then my boyfriend is white.

1:10:17 Adam He's white?

1:10:18 Caller He's not used to that.

1:10:19 Adam Yeah. Do they mind that he's white?

1:10:22 Caller No, my mom really doesn't care. I guess, like...

1:10:26 Adam Well, they're mixed, your parents, right?

1:10:29 Caller Well, my mom's Asian. My dad's white.

1:10:32 Adam Yeah, but she can't have a beef because that's the relationship they have.

1:10:36 Caller Yeah, so she's not really racist or anything. I mean, she doesn't have a problem that he's white. It's just like where he's from because, you know, all Asian cultures want their children to be from, like, a really good, or their spouse or whatever, to be from a really good background.

1:10:49 Adam Right.

1:10:50 Caller So it doesn't, like, really meet her standards.

1:10:53 Adam Yeah. Where is he from?

1:10:56 At The Drive In La Mirada.

1:10:57 Adam Where?

1:10:58 Caller Canada.

1:10:58 Adam Oh, well, that's more than white. That's too white. It's alcoholic.

1:11:02 Caller Yeah.

1:11:04 Adam No, that's wrong. Yeah, they have a good point. Oh, he's from Canada. Yeah, those Canucks. You can't trust them.

1:11:12 Caller Does that mean, like, because I think it's because of the depo that my sex drive decreased, but he thinks it's, like, a psychological thing.

1:11:19 Drew I agree with him. I agree with him. The problem from the depo should have worn off within three months unless it triggered some sort of depression, which it can do that, but it can also screw with your hormones a little bit. Have you been menstruating normally?

1:11:32 Caller I just started menstruating, like, normally.

1:11:34 Adam Did the Asians menstruate?

1:11:35 Drew You may want to go on a birth control pill for a while, something to really get things cycling again. It could be a hormonal change, but I also worry that the stress involved in your life could be affecting it as well.

1:11:49 Adam All right. Sonia. Is your name Sonia?

1:11:52 Caller It's actually Sonia.

1:11:53 Adam Better. Okay. Sonia, that's a whole different culture there.

1:11:57 Caller Yeah.

1:11:58 Adam All right, baby. You're fine. I like that half breed thing, that half Asian, half white. That's good. That's a good mix.

1:12:05 Caller Thanks.

1:12:05 Adam It's one of the better mixes.

1:12:06 Caller Ciao. Ding dong ding.

1:12:10 Adam You have a good time. There you go.

1:12:12 Drew Enjoy.

1:12:13 Adam I like that little perky voice on the depot, trying to please her man. That mix, it's a great mixture, that half white, half Asian thing. It's good. The full Asian, little too much Asian. Full white, missing some of the good stuff that the Asians have. But the 50-50 mix, that's nice. You guys know what I mean? Real smooth skin.

1:12:36 Drew Maybe, Adam, you ought to just stream up the proper mix of human. Like, you get a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

1:12:40 Adam Yeah, it's like the guys who mix the custom colors at the paint store. You start with the white base, and then you just start adding little bits. You know, I start with a nice big bucket of white. They're mixing a little Asian. I could really, yeah, I could really cook up a nice woman in the lab. I really should. You're right. I'm going to work on that over the long Thanksgiving break. Ed?

1:13:02 Yeah.

1:13:02 Adam You're 37.

1:13:03 Caller Yes, I am.

1:13:04 Adam What's up?

1:13:05 Caller Before I get to it, I got one comment. Okay. In a perfect world, Drew, you'd be my doctor and Adam, you'd be my drinking buddy.

1:13:14 Adam Thank you.

1:13:15 Caller No problem.

1:13:15 Adam Well, it can still happen. Where are you calling from?

1:13:19 Caller Sacramento.

1:13:19 Adam No, it can't happen. I'm not going to Sacramento.

1:13:22 Caller I know. I know.

1:13:23 At The Drive In All right.

1:13:24 Caller Yeah, okay. I'm 37. I've been diabetic for 10 years. About three years ago, I gave up getting an erection.

1:13:36 Drew You developed diabetes when you were 27?

1:13:38 Caller Yeah.

1:13:39 Drew Are you overweight?

1:13:40 Caller No.

1:13:41 Drew Are you alcoholic?

1:13:42 Caller No.

1:13:45 Drew You're on insulin now?

1:13:46 Caller Yeah, I am.

1:13:47 Drew You develop insulin deficiency at 27. That's kind of a weird time to develop that.

1:13:51 Caller I don't know. For quite a while, I didn't take care of myself like I should have, but...

1:13:57 Drew What is that? That's what I'm asking about. What does that mean?

1:14:00 Caller Well, I was pretty much neglecting that I had diabetes.

1:14:06 Drew For how many years?

1:14:07 Caller God, probably about five. I would half-assed take care of it.

1:14:11 Drew All right, so that's where the complications came from. You may have had type 2 diabetes.

1:14:17 Caller Oh, yeah, I was on pills for about a year.

1:14:18 Drew Okay, so you had adult onset diabetes and didn't take care of it, and now you're getting neuropathy, which is the juvenile onset diabetics, that's how I get their attention is by helping them understand that this is what will happen to them if they don't attend carefully.

1:14:33 Adam Why does that happen?

1:14:35 Drew Well, there's byproducts when your sugar is elevated all the time, there's byproducts of sugar metabolism that start to damage the nerves. And it causes vascular damage first, and so the blood supply of the nerve gets cut off and the nerve dies.

1:14:46 Adam And is it, why that nerve?

1:14:49 Drew Because it's a complex, delicate nerve, fair distance from your heart.

1:14:53 Adam Right.

1:14:53 Drew And it's dependent on a lot of microvascular charity to function right.

1:14:57 Caller Yeah, what I was wondering is, is there a way of getting it back?

1:15:02 Drew No.

1:15:03 At The Drive In Oh, boy.

1:15:05 Adam Come on, we got the holiday.

1:15:06 Drew Yes, Viagra will help. But in terms of getting it back, I mean, no, but you can treat it. And certainly Viagra, nowadays, you have that as an option. Muse, suppositories, and people do get implants still, too.

1:15:17 Adam When is the last time you had an erection?

1:15:20 Caller Oh, God, it's been probably three and a half years.

1:15:24 Adam It's funny because he's 37 and he, he sounds like he's in his 80s. That's what the penis does. You lose the penis, you become like a burl-eyes. I remember when I used to have a penis.

1:15:38 Caller Tell me about it.

1:15:39 Adam Phone calls were a niggle.

1:15:41 Caller Yeah.

1:15:42 Adam Yeah, yeah, it really takes, it robs you of your youth.

1:15:47 Drew Diabetes does that, too.

1:15:48 Adam Yeah.

1:15:48 Caller Makes you feel old.

1:15:49 Adam All right, well, listen, what do you do for a living, Ed?

1:15:52 Caller Well, I'm disabled because I had heart surgery, what, two years ago.

1:15:57 Drew For your coronary disease.

1:15:59 Caller Yeah, I guess that helped bring it on, yeah.

1:16:01 Drew You smoking also?

1:16:03 Caller Not anymore, no.

1:16:03 Drew But you did.

1:16:04 Caller I quit when I had my heart surgery.

1:16:06 Drew Yeah, a combo of tobacco and diabetes is equals heart disease, also equals rectal dysfunction.

1:16:12 Caller Yeah, yeah, I gave that up two years ago. That's what I'm asking about biopsy.

1:16:15 Drew There is, Ed, if that's the source, if you have severe vascular disease, even the medium-sized vessels, there are people that are doing, believe it or not, bypass surgeries on the artery of the penis. Yeah. Yeah, and if you could prove that that was a major cause of erectile difficulty, not nerve, the nerve problem doesn't get better, but the vascular problem can get better.

1:16:37 Adam Well, how do you prove that?

1:16:38 Drew Probably, I've never been involved with a carious where they did this, but I imagine an angiogram of that area.

1:16:43 Adam Hey, Ed? Yeah. You know, also, Drew, couldn't he use some sort of pump device, suck the blood into the system, then snap that band on?

1:16:51 Drew Yeah, they can do that.

1:16:52 Adam Well, he can do it.

1:16:53 Drew But you need to see Urologist Ed about what's going on here and see if there's more stuff.

1:16:56 Adam I don't know, Viagra, I don't think Viagra is going to do this one, do you?

1:17:01 Drew Yeah, well.

1:17:01 Adam You do?

1:17:01 Drew It will help.

1:17:02 Caller The reason why I'm asking about that is, should I take that chance with my heart? I had bypassed it.

1:17:08 Drew I was thinking about that. Are you on nitrates? Indoor or something?

1:17:11 Caller De-doxin.

1:17:12 Drew No. Are you on Indoor?

1:17:13 Caller No.

1:17:14 Drew Nitro patch?

1:17:14 Caller No.

1:17:15 Drew You carry nitroglycerin, though?

1:17:16 Caller Yeah, I carry nitrates.

1:17:18 Drew Yeah, and that's the no-no. You can't take nitrates with a diagram.

1:17:23 Caller Oh, okay. So that wouldn't be an idea.

1:17:24 Adam Is that nitroglycerin, nitroglycerin?

1:17:27 Drew Yeah, people blow up routinely.

1:17:28 Adam No, I mean, seriously.

1:17:29 Drew They explode.

1:17:30 Adam It's the same as...

1:17:31 Drew I don't know.

1:17:32 Adam It is, isn't it?

1:17:33 Caller If you don't throw it on the ground, it won't explode.

1:17:35 Adam And it was a little capsule.

1:17:37 Drew No, it was pills.

1:17:38 At The Drive In Tiny little pills.

1:17:39 Adam Yeah, if you have a heart attack, is it going to take it?

1:17:41 Drew Yeah.

1:17:43 Caller Yeah, I'm supposed to suck on them or I'll put it under my tongue and...

1:17:47 Caller I used to carry them around for about a year.

1:17:49 Caller Really?

1:17:49 Caller Yeah.

1:17:49 Drew What do you got going?

1:17:50 Adam Hold on, Ed. We got an important person with a problem. Hold on. No. Ed, you look into the pumps, look into the implants, look into everything. Talk to your own. There's a million things out there. I talked to a guy in a wheelchair a couple weeks back. He said you give the penis a shot with this syringe and pow. You understand? It's out there, buddy. Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself.

1:18:14 Caller I'll give you a needle down there.

1:18:16 Adam And listen, if you do...

1:18:17 Drew Remember I brought the prosthesis in for you to practice on?

1:18:19 Adam No, you can do it. And when you do it, when you climb on that hooker, you put that nitrile pill under your tongue because you may pop something.

1:18:28 Caller Well, I'm still having sex and stuff, just not...

1:18:30 Drew Not with an erection?

1:18:31 Caller Yeah, not... What do you call it?

1:18:35 Adam Having fun?

1:18:36 Caller Oral sex and everything else.

1:18:38 Adam Yeah.

1:18:38 Drew Oh, good, good.

1:18:39 Adam Well, you're doing it on a woman. Do you get oral sex?

1:18:42 Caller Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm married. So, it's in your stans.

1:18:45 Adam But you can't have an orgasm, can you?

1:18:48 Caller I feel everything, but nothing comes out.

1:18:50 Adam All right. Well, forget it.

1:18:51 Caller It's like all the fun without the mess.

1:18:53 Adam Ah, good. He's fine then.

1:18:55 Drew Nothing coming out. All right.

1:18:56 Adam Tony, what's up with you?

1:18:57 Caller Um... Just when I was 21, I was feeling a lot of palpitations and stuff and... So, I was in college and... I'm just a stress case in general, so I went in for an EKG and...

1:19:10 Drew They gave you nitroglycerin?

1:19:12 Caller Yeah.

1:19:12 Drew You saw an idiot.

1:19:13 Caller Yeah, I did. Yeah. He was a friend of the family, too.

1:19:15 Drew Oh.

1:19:16 Caller It wasn't a great thing. Well, I never took it.

1:19:18 Adam He was a trucker. He had some on him.

1:19:20 Caller Yeah.

1:19:21 Adam It wasn't physician.

1:19:22 Caller I bought it off a guy off the street.

1:19:24 Adam And you just... Would you keep it in your wallet or something?

1:19:27 Caller I would carry it. I never actually took one, but they said if you feel these are...

1:19:30 Drew Oh, that is so ridiculous.

1:19:31 Adam Drew, what if you took one? What if I took one right now just to pop a butt?

1:19:35 Drew You make your head feel light-headed. That's about it. You feel uncomfortable.

1:19:39 Adam What if I wash it down with 40 ounces or something?

1:19:42 At The Drive In Would that be cool?

1:19:43 Drew For you? You don't even notice that.

1:19:45 Adam Yeah, I don't feel that stuff. Hey, but give me some.

1:19:50 Drew Some nitroglycerin? Why?

1:19:52 Adam What if I have a heart attack?

1:19:53 Drew I'm not kidding you. Take an aspirin. Aspirin.

1:19:56 Adam What are those called?

1:19:57 Drew Aspirin.

1:19:57 Adam Could you give me one?

1:19:58 Drew Yeah.

1:19:58 Adam Okay, that was over the counter now?

1:20:00 Drew Damn it.

1:20:05 Drew I had asked Adam to get tickets so we could go see the Dixie Chicks. So I get a call, I'm busy, I run to the phone, I think here it is. He calls me up, hey, could you give me some of that Ambien? The sleeping pills. Now? Can you get it now? Here's the phone. Can you do it right now? Yeah. And then I thought, how about the Dixie Chicks? Oh yeah, I did that. I found the phone number. Did you call them? No.

1:20:25 Adam Yeah, I wanted sleeping pills instead.

1:20:26 Drew Yeah, give me the pills now.

1:20:28 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break at the Drive-In is here and we'll be back.

1:20:34 Caller Hello, what is it?

1:20:36 Caller This is Loveline.

1:20:55 Adam It's the Loveline of Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Paul O'Mearn. Tony, you are all here from At the Drive-In. Relationship of Command is the name of the CD. We'll take one call, and then we're going to hear something off of it.

1:21:13 Drew I can't read the Brown Bomber article here?

1:21:15 Adam No, you can't.

1:21:16 Drew Oh, come on.

1:21:18 Adam Why do you want to read that, Drew?

1:21:19 Drew Because it's disgusting, and it's about you.

1:21:22 Adam How do you know it's about me?

1:21:23 Drew Because your name specifically. Oh, really?

1:21:26 Adam Give me that.

1:21:27 Drew Look.

1:21:27 Adam It's my name on there? He got hold of a school newspaper.

1:21:31 Drew From 1981.

1:21:33 Adam From 1981.

1:21:34 Drew Yes, suspects at large are Adam Corolla, Chris of Chip and Dale, Chris Beam Beam, is that his name?

1:21:40 Adam No.

1:21:40 Drew And Ray Plop Plop Old Hopper.

1:21:44 Adam Listen, that's all, this hearsay and speculation is what that is.

1:21:48 Drew There's great detail about your technique in flinging poo.

1:21:51 Adam How dare you bring that up?

1:21:53 Drew Hey, it's your friend Zeb.

1:21:55 Caller Okay.

1:21:56 Adam Listen, this is all, this is a fictional characterization of some guys who may have crapped up a bathroom once in high school.

1:22:03 Drew And thrown it, and terrorized the rest of the school.

1:22:05 Adam How dare you.

1:22:06 Drew Could you fill us in?

1:22:07 Caller We're all in the dark.

1:22:08 Adam Yeah. There was a school newspaper that my friend Zeb used to write over at North Hollywood High called the Extruder. And he used to write a lot of articles. One of them had to do with some guys who crapped up a school bathroom once. And I'm named in here with some other guys. But like I said, it's all hearsay. And Drew believes into it because there's a very fertile imagination.

1:22:34 Drew All I know is he once said that he crapped into someone's hand.

1:22:39 Adam How dare you. I never said that, Drew. How dare you bring that up.

1:22:45 Drew I know. No wonder when Fletcher was in here, he felt so comfortable. Poo-Poo City was like some place you visited routinely.

1:22:54 Adam All right. He's talking about Fletcher from Pennywise, who I think he was going to attempt to crap on us that night.

1:23:01 At The Drive In That's what he was planning to do.

1:23:02 Adam Yeah. He wanted to take us to Poo-Poo City. Matt. Yeah, I told him I'd been to Poo-Poo City. I used to go there every summer. Matt, you're 21.

1:23:12 At The Drive In Yeah, I had a question about Booville, whatever happened to it.

1:23:15 Adam Yeah, I don't know. Like everything, many other things I've thought of in my youth, I lost interest in it.

1:23:22 At The Drive In Oh, I wanted to be one of the checkers for the breast cancer.

1:23:25 Adam All right, well, I'll put you down for that. Matt, is it?

1:23:29 At The Drive In Yeah.

1:23:29 Adam Okay. All right, thanks. I'll spell your name with three T's.

1:23:33 At The Drive In All right.

1:23:34 Adam All right, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. That was good. Kim, that wasn't, I don't count that as a call. That wasn't a question. Kim? Hi. You're 16.

1:23:42 Caller Hi.

1:23:42 Adam What's up there, Pergy?

1:23:43 Caller I was wondering, I've been sexually active for about a year and a half or so, and I've been with about four different people, and I'm going to sound like a total nympho, but I've had sex only about 300 times, and...

1:23:56 Adam Oh, at 16? Yeah. Well, I mean, when I was 16, I had sex...

1:24:02 At The Drive In Let's see, what day is it, baby?

1:24:03 Adam Uh, once.

1:24:05 Drew At 16 and once, or was it zero?

1:24:08 Adam 16 and three-quarters or something. I mean, what part of 16 are you in? I may still be a virgin.

1:24:13 Drew Oh, that must have been quite an experience for the young lady.

1:24:16 At The Drive In Oh, yeah.

1:24:18 Adam Yeah, I was good. Yeah. Oh, here's... There's something in the ham.

1:24:28 At The Drive In Ray? Yeah. Hold on.

1:24:30 Adam I got to come real fast so I can call my buddies.

1:24:32 Caller Here we go.

1:24:34 At The Drive In You okay?

1:24:35 Adam Did you come? No?

1:24:37 Caller Oh, okay.

1:24:39 Adam I still got to call my buddies. I'm going to tell them you came. Is that cool? Thanks. Could you leave the room? I got to talk to them pretty graphically. Kim? 300 times.

1:24:51 Caller Yeah. I stayed with my boyfriend over the summer one time and we were just like rabbits.

1:24:56 Adam It was fun. How do you swing staying with your brother, sorry, brother, your boyfriend at 15 and a half or 16 for summer?

1:25:06 Caller Well, I only stayed with him for a couple of weeks because my parents had to go to Canada and my heat was supposed to be at his dad's in Falejo, but him and his dad got in a big old fight so he ended up having to come home and it was a big old messed up story.

1:25:21 Adam Falejo?

1:25:22 Caller Yeah. But him and his dad got in a fight so he got to come home.

1:25:25 Adam Hold on a second. Drew, write this and don't ever let your daughter date a guy who hails from Falejo. You know there's going to be something going on. And, hi, Mr. Pinsky, I'm from Falejo. I'm Phil. Whoa, wait a minute. Sorry. Get out. Get out. From Evan Falejo. What is that? What's Falejo?

1:25:47 Caller So anyway.

1:25:48 Adam What's Falejo?

1:25:50 Caller What?

1:25:51 Adam Falejo.

1:25:51 Drew What is that?

1:25:53 Caller It's the-

1:25:53 Adam Yeah.

1:25:54 Caller By the coast or whatever.

1:25:55 Drew You mean Vallejo?

1:25:56 Caller Yeah.

1:25:57 Drew Vallejo.

1:25:58 Adam With a V.

1:25:59 Drew Okay.

1:26:00 Adam Okay, man.

1:26:01 Caller Okay.

1:26:02 Caller So anyway.

1:26:02 Adam I like this Kim. She just keeps moving.

1:26:04 Caller I know.

1:26:06 Drew Nothing bothers her.

1:26:06 Adam Right.

1:26:07 Caller Okay. Okay. So I've had sex like all these times and whatever.

1:26:11 Adam Oh, okay.

1:26:11 Caller And these guys, they would come in me.

1:26:14 Caller And like I wasn't on birth control or condom or anything.

1:26:17 Caller And all these times, merrily, I never got pregnant.

1:26:20 Drew You're very lucky.

1:26:21 Caller So am I-

1:26:22 Adam The world is lucky.

1:26:23 Caller And so am I just really lucky or-

1:26:26 Drew Yes.

1:26:26 Caller Am I like infertile or-

1:26:28 Drew I doubt it's a fertility problem.

1:26:30 Caller Okay. That's good. Because like I was all worried and like, well, that just doesn't add up.

1:26:35 Drew Are you getting pap smears regularly?

1:26:37 Caller I've gotten one.

1:26:38 Adam Yeah.

1:26:39 Caller I got one my first of the year.

1:26:41 Adam Seems like you should have had about 250 by now.

1:26:44 Drew If you're worried about your fertility, why don't you get appropriate care and get on some contraception, all right?

1:26:49 Caller Okay.

1:26:49 Adam So give that vagina a weekend off too, would you? Let it rehab a little, you know?

1:26:55 Caller Okay. And I want to say hi to my ex-boyfriend, Richard, who lives in YLP.

1:26:59 Adam Yeah.

1:27:00 Drew Well, I'm sure he's moved by this story. Yeah.

1:27:03 Adam Yeah, I had all these guys.

1:27:05 Caller Got it too.

1:27:05 Adam Yeah. They all came and they buckets.

1:27:07 Caller Buckets.

1:27:08 Adam Buckets have come.

1:27:09 Caller All right. Thank you guys very much.

1:27:10 Adam All right.

1:27:11 Drew Look at that vomit. Look at that vomit drop.

1:27:13 Adam Dad is driving a truck and heading home right now.

1:27:16 Drew Oh, don't.

1:27:19 Adam Hey, but listen, do you understand the difference between six-year-old girls and six-year-old boys is if a six-year-old girl wants to do this, she can do it. Or in Kim's case, 14 and a half or 15-year-old girl. I mean, you want to get laid every night, go ahead. I mean, you can pull it off. Whereas we wanted to do it. At least I did. I didn't do it. Drew, you got a lot of trim though.

1:27:44 Caller Oh, it's just tons.

1:27:44 Adam At 16?

1:27:45 Drew Tons.

1:27:46 Adam Drew, you want to tell the story about going to the pharmacy in Chinatown to buy condoms?

1:27:52 Caller How dare you?

1:27:54 Adam Drew's dad was a doctor in Pasadena. And back then, you couldn't get condoms everywhere. You had to go to the pharmacy to get them. But he was going to be goddamned if he was going to some pharmacy in Pasadena. So the pharmacist would rat him out to his dad who was probably going to be in there an hour later.

1:28:10 Drew In the 70s, it was even worse. It was, you had to wait in line with the people waiting for their prescriptions. You had to call back to the pharmacist behind the counter there. You had to go back where the pharmacist was. You had to get it back where the Vicodin was. He'd pull these things out. Right. They'd be like, what? Son, how old are you?

1:28:27 Adam I'd use my reverb effect if it had been working for the last three goddamn years in this piece of ass hell hole we work in. But the point is, is Drew used to have to go down to Chinatown to score.

1:28:39 Drew Now it's working.

1:28:39 At The Drive In Thank you.

1:28:40 Adam So just get in line with the round eyes where they don't recognize you, right?

1:28:44 Caller Drew.

1:28:46 Adam You want condom? You were here last week. You hump a lot.

1:28:49 Caller You hump like a rabbit.

1:28:51 Adam I sell you case last week. What happened? I went through them. You go through 26 condom in four days? I got a nice piece of ass. How about you hump once a day? How about you get BJ once in a while?

1:29:08 Caller We're out of stock.

1:29:10 Adam We can't keep these condoms. Here. Here are a hundred. Don't come back. I tell you, daddy.

1:29:18 Drew Let's hear a song, yeah?

1:29:19 Caller All right.

1:29:20 Adam This one is called Invalid Litter Department. All right, that is At the Drive-In. Dr. Cruz over there. I'm over here. We're going to take some questions, take some calls, do all that. But first, we're going to take a break.

1:36:02 100.7 The Buzz Hey, bloodline!

1:36:23 Adam I'm Adam Perola. That is the good doctor, Dr. Drew over there, Paul Omar and Tony are all here from At the Drive-In. We have ourselves a few more phone calls to get to. What do you say we talk to...

1:36:36 Drew Don't even try.

1:36:37 Adam Okay.

1:36:37 Drew Ask him, ask him how to pronounce his name.

1:36:39 Adam What's your name?

1:36:41 Caller Rajiv.

1:36:42 Adam Rajiv.

1:36:42 Caller Yeah, that's right.

1:36:43 Adam You're 21, what kind of name is Rajiv?

1:36:46 Caller It's an Indian name.

1:36:47 Adam Fantabulous.

1:36:49 Caller Never heard it before, I'm assuming.

1:36:50 Adam Rajiv?

1:36:51 Caller Yeah.

1:36:52 Adam No.

1:36:52 Drew Not spelled that way.

1:36:54 Adam No. Is that how you spell it?

1:36:56 Caller Sometimes it's with the I, but my parents opted for the two E's instead.

1:37:01 Adam Oh, well this is spelled, there's a D in here, I think.

1:37:04 Caller They might have messed it up.

1:37:05 Adam Yeah, sorry sir. Go ahead.

1:37:08 Caller I wanted to say hello to At the Drive-In.

1:37:10 Caller Hi.

1:37:10 Caller Hello. I've been a big fan for a few years now. I actually met Omar and Paul Sunday in San Francisco. It was a great show.

1:37:18 Adam Thank you.

1:37:20 Caller My question was, I was wondering if you guys have a girlfriend back home and if so, if it's difficult to maintain that relationship on the road.

1:37:28 At The Drive In You're gay.

1:37:30 Caller Especially with.

1:37:31 Adam True, please. Go ahead. I'm sorry for my partner. What about it, guys? Well, Tony, you got a girlfriend.

1:37:39 Caller Yeah, I have a girlfriend and yeah, it's tough, but at the same time, you-

1:37:43 Caller She complains all the time.

1:37:45 Caller All the time, yeah. I'm actually, I consider myself really lucky because I get a lot of support and no, it's hard sometimes, but you have an expensive phone bill and you go through motions and we're all living our life. We all want to have our dreams and aspirations and when you stop each other from doing things like that, you shouldn't be together.

1:38:06 Adam What's your girlfriend do, Tony?

1:38:09 Caller Got her degree in speech pathology and is now going after a dream of acting.

1:38:15 Adam Speech pathology?

1:38:16 Caller Yeah.

1:38:17 Adam Does that have anything to do with acting?

1:38:19 Caller No, not at all.

1:38:20 Adam What do you do? Would you work with kids out of speech impediment or something?

1:38:25 Caller Exactly.

1:38:26 Adam She's going to be an actress now?

1:38:28 Caller Yep.

1:38:29 Adam She's going to find more screwed up people in acting than she'd find with the retarded kids. I guarantee you that. Alright, Rajiv?

1:38:36 Caller Yeah.

1:38:36 Adam You're good? You want to talk to Paul and Omar?

1:38:40 Caller Sure, I'll talk to them.

1:38:42 Adam Alright, do you guys want to talk to Rajiv?

1:38:44 Caller No way, man.

1:38:45 Adam Not really. No, no.

1:38:46 Caller I'm just kidding. Go ahead, Omar. I was in a relationship for five years and I think it took its toll, you know, being gone all the time and not being able to meet the other person's needs. And so, you know, I pretty much lost my faith in trying to really build a serious relationship at this point. So I'm kind of just, you know, I mean, I'm seeing someone right now, but I'm kind of just focused on music and that's what comes first.

1:39:09 Adam So, hey, Paul, I mean, Paul, what do you think?

1:39:15 At The Drive In I have a girlfriend as well.

1:39:17 Caller I mean, yeah, it's, it's tough, but I mean, I got a cell phone. I mean, you just try to find a way.

1:39:24 Adam Rajiv, hold on a second. The same rock line, you understand? You're not Uncle Joe Benson or ever a host that piece of crap now. I'm hanging up on you now, right? I'm glad you like the band, but all right.

1:39:37 Caller Bye, Rajiv.

1:39:38 Adam All right. There you go. That's good. Keep on rocking. Now on guys who like the band, just call up and yell, keep on rocking. And then hang on. Jason.

1:39:47 Drew That's going to be your new closing. It's no longer Mahalo.

1:39:49 Adam Keep on rocking. Jason.

1:39:51 Caller Yeah.

1:39:52 Adam You're 17.

1:39:53 Caller Hey, I love you guys.

1:39:54 Adam Thank you.

1:39:56 Caller I'm all nervous.

1:39:57 Drew You're gay.

1:39:58 At The Drive In Please, Drew.

1:40:01 Caller Yeah. So my foreskin is kind of stenosed. I mean-

1:40:04 Drew One second, Jason. Before the foreskin. Adam, you did try the cranberry sauce.

1:40:07 Adam Oh, yes. Delightful.

1:40:09 Caller Okay.

1:40:10 Adam Why?

1:40:11 Drew Because we're almost at a show and you haven't mentioned that.

1:40:13 Adam Oh, delightful cranberry sauce given to me by the good folks.

1:40:16 Caller I brought you pumpkin pie.

1:40:18 Adam Right. Thank you.

1:40:19 At The Drive In That's a plug there, Drew.

1:40:21 Caller Yeah.

1:40:21 Adam Thanks. Thanks for doing this.

1:40:23 At The Drive In Very important.

1:40:24 Adam Go ahead, Jason.

1:40:26 Caller Yeah.

1:40:26 Adam Your foreskin is stenosed, right?

1:40:28 At The Drive In Yeah.

1:40:30 Drew That happened spontaneously or?

1:40:31 Caller I guess. I mean, for about as long as I can remember.

1:40:35 Drew So the head doesn't come out, basically.

1:40:36 Caller Well, that's the thing. I mean, I can retract my foreskin when I'm flaccid, but not when I'm erect. Right.

1:40:42 Drew OK. The head doesn't come out.

1:40:44 Adam We'll pull it out and then get the erection.

1:40:48 Caller It kind of gets cut off and uncomfortable.

1:40:52 Adam I see. You got to stretch that out.

1:40:54 Drew What about getting a circumcision?

1:40:56 Caller I guess I could do that.

1:40:57 Adam How about just stretching it out?

1:40:59 Drew It'll tear and then scar and then stenose more.

1:41:02 Adam How dare you? You can stretch anything out.

1:41:04 Drew Yeah, you can. But what tends to happen is it tends to tear and then scar and then stenose more.

1:41:09 Adam Right. But wait a minute. Wait a minute. He's not going to... If he stretches it out using the jaws of life, it's going to tear. But how are you going to tear it when you're just trying to stretch it out?

1:41:19 Drew I'm just telling you what happens. Usually, it can dry. I mean, sometimes it'll work.

1:41:22 Adam Let him try. I mean, he's 17 for Christ's sake.

1:41:24 At The Drive In It doesn't work in circumcision.

1:41:27 Adam Well, how can he try to stretch out? Is there anything topical he can put on it? Vitamin E, something like that?

1:41:33 At The Drive In Maybe, but that's not it.

1:41:34 Adam Yeah, Drew, you're not going to rest until everyone has their dork chopped off, are you? Drew had his two sons circumcised, and now it's become a mission that not only people who are having kids get them circumcised, but those of us who have not been circumcised need to be circumcised according to Drew.

1:41:50 Drew And you're amongst the foreskin abacusies.

1:41:52 Adam Well, but Drew, I can tell when you get on to stuff that you, I can see when you have a little mission. You've always had a mission with circumcision.

1:42:01 Drew No, my mission is, no, no, my mission is, let's not worry about it either way. It's who cares, either way, no big deal. But this kid has got a really good reason to have a circumcision. Why not get it?

1:42:12 Adam But this kid is, if this person, if he wanted a breast reduction, and you tell him to lose a few pounds before he went under the knife, you'd attempt, you'd say, when we talk about breast reduction, you say, this is an operation, there will be some bleeding, there's always the chance of complication. You could say the same thing about this.

1:42:32 Drew In my experience, the stretcher doesn't work.

1:42:34 Adam How many poor skins have you played with outside of college?

1:42:37 Drew Millions.

1:42:38 Adam Outside of those drinking games. With the gay fraternity house you used to run with. Listen, tell them to rub some vitamin E on there. Rub some vitamin E and try to stretch it out. See if we can work with it a little bit.

1:42:51 Drew That doesn't work.

1:42:52 Adam How dare you?

1:42:53 At The Drive In Why wouldn't it work?

1:42:55 Adam I bet you could stretch that thing out 8 inches if you did it right. I know guys who have... Yeah, I mean, a native can stretch his lip out, a chick can put a whole... You see what those guys do to their ears? Put those progressive cylinders in their ears. The next thing you know, they got a hubcap hanging off their head. You could stretch out the foreskin. Probably.

1:43:19 Drew Possibly.

1:43:19 Adam What would be the difference between that skin and your lobe skin? Would you know?

1:43:23 Drew It's a lot more delicate down there.

1:43:25 Adam Yeah, you could stretch that out. I think it would take to it. All right, well, he's 17. Give him something to do over the summer.

1:43:31 Drew He's been trying forever.

1:43:33 Adam He's not been trying. He's been trying to poke his dork through.

1:43:36 Drew That's stretching.

1:43:38 Adam He needs to rub oil on it.

1:43:40 Drew Okay. Oil.

1:43:42 Adam I like to think about the teenage boys rubbing oil on their penis.

1:43:46 Drew It's come to this. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. You're gay.

1:43:49 Adam We'll be back. Back in a minute. Oh, thank you very much. There you go. Another fantastic show in the ground. Relationship of Command is the name of the CD. At the Drive-In is the name of the band. Thanks for coming in, guys. Thank you. We do appreciate it. And whenever you're around, come back and see us again. We would always welcome you here. I want to thank, because we're doing the best of tomorrow night, I want to thank Sarah for doing a great job on the phones this week. I want to thank Lauren for doing a great job on the phones. I want to thank producer Anne for producing the show and doing a great job, putting her feminine stink on it. And of course, the one who slides the potentiometer is coming in tomorrow night.

1:44:56 Drew So we don't have to.

1:44:57 Adam God bless him. He goes by the name of Anderson. Engineer Anderson to you. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew Sayin.

1:45:05 At The Drive In Mahalo.

1:45:09 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, November 22, 2000