Episode 1000754887376

3:19 This is Outrageous Talk Radio, KUBC, CS 100.7, The Buzz.

3:25 Voiceover Loveline, this makes for an adult audience.

3:33 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

3:45 Voiceover Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist. Oh, thank God I can do that ramp of my sleep.

4:02 Shawnee Smith You know what would be nice, Adam, is if you could explain to our guests what our show is all about before we throw up in the mics. Watch, I'm trying to go up.

4:09 Drew I'm just happy you're an addiction specialist. I got some questions.

4:12 Adam Shani Smith is our guest tonight. You know her from her role in Becker. She's Ted's assistant, Linda, and Becker 930 Monday Nights, CBS, on its third or fourth season.

4:28 Drew Third.

4:29 Adam Almost home to syndication.

4:32 Drew Oh, we're so close.

4:33 Adam Yeah, that is good times.

4:35 Drew Yeah.

4:35 Adam Because that's it.

4:36 Drew Yeah.

4:36 Adam You just start doing heroin full time.

4:39 Drew That's right.

4:39 Adam For the mailbox, as long as you can get to the mailbox and hammer those checks, you're fine. That is good times. Also, Shani was in Armageddon. What was your role in Armageddon?

4:52 Drew Are you ready? I'm glad you're sitting down. I was bimbo at the bar. On my trailer, I got there that morning and I had a little piece of tape on the trailer that said bimbo.

5:03 Shawnee Smith Nice.

5:05 Adam At the bar that the guys from the Roughnecks, from Armageddon, like went to before they headed out?

5:13 Drew It was that big montage where they were collecting the big strapping guys that went out into space and Steve Buscemi was telling me my diamond was fake.

5:26 Adam That's the part of those ensemble movies I like, when they go out and get the experts. And here's the thing about the guys, you know, it's like he's drunk, he's antisocial, he's in jail right now, but he's the best god damn demolition man there is. And we work with him. He's reliable. We work with him. So we gotta go get him.

5:46 Drew Remember that moment with the bimbo at the bar. He's gonna go into space, be a hero.

5:51 Adam Steve Buscemi can throw knives. We gotta go get him. Ever since the Dirty Dozen laid the groundwork for this sort of ensemble, everyone's good.

6:00 Shawnee Smith Of bad guys.

6:01 Adam Yeah, there's never one guy who's good at two things. Where one guy could be eliminated. Hey, I can throw knives and do a demolition. Herb, you're out.

6:09 Shawnee Smith Good guys and nice guys.

6:11 Adam No, they're just bad antisocial guys. They put them all together and put them in a rocket ship. They got a mission to do and they got to come together to do it. All right, so also Leaving Las Vegas, which was a great movie.

6:23 Drew Yeah.

6:24 Adam True, did you see either one of these movies we're talking about?

6:27 Drew No, he has kids.

6:29 Adam He didn't, but I say this to Drew all the time. There is a list as long as a landing strip at LAX of movies that Drew has not seen.

6:39 Drew Right.

6:40 Adam One of them being The Shining, which is a movie. What? That's what I say.

6:45 Drew Oh my God.

6:46 Adam I love The Shining and I say to Drew, and no one understands this, but I go, you're very lucky. Everyone goes, what are you talking about? Because I've seen The Shining eight times and I can't really enjoy it anymore because I know exactly what's going to happen at each turn. Drew, you could get yourself a nice bottle of red wine, a tub of popcorn, a DVD of The Shining and sit home one Saturday night and really enjoy that movie for the first time.

7:13 Shawnee Smith I would have to be though literally a millionaire like you and sit in a home theater that I have. I don't have anything like that.

7:18 Adam You don't have a home theater?

7:19 Shawnee Smith No.

7:20 Adam What do you got?

7:21 Shawnee Smith TV.

7:22 Adam You got a TV that also has an eight track player in it or something? Yeah. Well, that's bad times.

7:27 Drew You don't spend much time at home, do you? What?

7:30 Adam What? You don't have a DVD?

7:32 Drew My Lord.

7:32 Adam Jesus.

7:34 Drew What the hell's the matter with you?

7:36 Adam I was cruising a Salvation Army thrift store yesterday, and I haven't been in a thrift shop in a while. And you know you're getting old when you're going to the computer section in the thrift store. Wow. And you're seeing, you know, DVD and laser disc and junked equipment like we would have seen. The equivalent to this would have been like a Victrola or an old eight track or something we would have stumbled across 15, 20 years ago. Wow. There are actually tons of VCRs. There are tons of DVDs. There's like a there's a whole computer section in thrift stores now.

8:15 That's nuts. Yeah.

8:16 Adam It means you're getting old. Yeah.

8:18 Drew Ouch.

8:18 Adam Didn't go to the hovercraft section. But anyway, Shani, are you ready? You know, you know, you know this show. Do you know how the show works?

8:27 Drew Of course I do.

8:28 Adam Oh, you do?

8:28 Drew Yeah.

8:29 Adam Oh, that's good. You've heard it on the radio or seen it on the TV?

8:32 Drew Yes. All the above.

8:34 Adam Oh, great. All right.

8:35 Drew Well, let's pretend to solve people's that's right. Problem.

8:39 Adam That's us. We're actors, right? Playing people who care. That's exactly right. Alex, you're 20. What's up?

8:48 Caller I got this girlfriend that I've been dating for a while and she's now currently living with me and come to find out through my cousin's girlfriend. She has a friend that works with this girl. Come to find out the girl's like somewhere between 29 and 31.

9:04 Shawnee Smith How old are you?

9:05 Caller 20.

9:06 Shawnee Smith And what do you think she was?

9:08 Caller She told me she was 19 when we first started going out. Wow.

9:11 Adam And you couldn't figure that one out?

9:14 Shawnee Smith Off by a decade?

9:15 Caller She doesn't even look like she's barely 18. Huh.

9:19 Adam Yeah.

9:19 Caller All right. I guess she's blessed or something. I don't know.

9:21 Adam She's a keeper. So what's the problem?

9:23 Drew Sounds like you're in luck.

9:24 Caller Yeah. No, she's like turning bipolar on me. It's what she's doing.

9:27 Shawnee Smith What does that mean to you?

9:29 Caller She's like going crazy. She's getting obsessive and.

9:32 Drew All chicks are crazy.

9:33 Caller Oh, not like her.

9:35 Shawnee Smith What does she do?

9:36 Caller Within the last two months, she's been controlling all my phone calls, my cellular phone. She checks all the messages I get on there. My internet, she checks all the emails I get. Yeah. She checks all the messages on my pages.

9:50 Shawnee Smith And what is it that she believes you're doing that she needs to check on?

9:53 Caller She thinks I'm cheating on her or something.

9:54 Shawnee Smith Have you ever cheated before?

9:56 Caller Not on her. I mean, there's nothing about my past that she needs to know about or does know about.

10:01 Shawnee Smith Have you cheated on her before?

10:03 Caller No, never. We've only been together for maybe five months.

10:06 Adam I see. And did you say you're living together?

10:09 Caller Yeah. She moved in with me about two months ago.

10:12 Adam Yeah.

10:12 Caller And then come to find out about two, three weeks ago, I found out, you know, that her age is not what she told me.

10:19 Adam Right. Well, when you went to the mailbox, saw that Social Security check in there, you were immediately alerted to her real age. Tripped over a walker on the way to the mailbox.

10:29 Shawnee Smith Medicare EOBs.

10:30 Adam The Meals on Wheels van was out there honking the horn. Hi. Detective Alex. Alex, why'd you move in? You didn't know anything about her.

10:39 Caller No, no, no. She moved in with me.

10:40 Adam Okay, why?

10:41 Caller Because she was living with her sister. All right.

10:43 Adam Well, that explains it. I lived with my sister once. It means we got to move in together too.

10:48 Caller She lived with her sister and her brother-in-law, they kicked her out. Why?

10:55 Drew That's a good question to ask.

10:57 Caller That is. I mean, I don't know the full story. They say she wasn't helping out around or nothing.

11:03 Shawnee Smith Is she a drug addict?

11:04 Caller No. I mean, she's totally clean. She works at a school during the day.

11:10 Shawnee Smith Doing what?

11:10 Caller Her job is like children's services or something.

11:13 Drew I'm scared.

11:14 Caller Yeah. All right.

11:15 Adam Listen.

11:16 Caller She's going crazy.

11:17 Adam All right, Alex.

11:18 Caller Yeah.

11:18 Adam You need to lay the law down with her and she possibly needs to move out.

11:23 Caller I need to pull a bullet in her head or something. All right.

11:26 Adam Well, fair enough. Whatever it's going to take.

11:29 Shawnee Smith Alex, look. Look, you just set some limits. Be firm. If it doesn't work out, then the relationship doesn't work.

11:35 Adam Hey, listen, you're not doing anything wrong, then you just lay the law down.

11:39 Shawnee Smith But don't back battle, but enjoy the sex while she's there and don't get violent aggressive. That's ridiculous. I mean, she doesn't deserve that either. I get strong a whole vibe.

11:50 Caller Oh, yeah.

11:51 Adam Why? Just because he wants to put a bullet in his girlfriend's head? Because she's checking his cell phone.

11:57 Caller Yeah.

11:57 Drew Five months. He's feeling the pressure.

11:59 Adam Yeah.

12:00 Caller Listen, there's not a little bitter here.

12:03 Shawnee Smith She's accurate.

12:03 Drew I'm a realist.

12:04 Shawnee Smith Yeah. Very accurate.

12:05 Adam Yeah. What happened to you, baby? Who let you down?

12:09 Drew Everyone since Daddy and the Disney movies.

12:11 Shawnee Smith We've been here for three minutes with her. We all get the whole vibe going.

12:14 Caller Yeah.

12:15 Shawnee Smith But she's a realist. I'll give her that.

12:17 Drew It makes life good when you know what the game is.

12:19 Adam Did you do Politically Incorrect with my Emmy Award winning partner, Jimmy Kimmel?

12:25 Drew Yes.

12:25 Adam Yeah. I was talking to him tonight. He said, you're a real handful. A real ball of fire. He liked you.

12:29 Drew He was pretty funny.

12:30 Adam Yeah. He liked you, too. He said, you're cute and you're funny. Andrea, you're 15.

12:37 Caller I'm 15.

12:38 Drew Why are you calling us?

12:39 Caller Okay. Well, I had this sex ed class and the teacher told me that or she told the whole class that if a guy fingered you with the slightest bit of semen on his hand, it was possible for you to get pregnant. I just want to know, is that true? Hello.

12:52 Shawnee Smith Well, yeah.

12:53 Drew It just takes one.

12:53 Shawnee Smith Yeah. However, the semen gets there. But most guys, since they walk around with semen on their hands, are.

13:00 Caller Okay. My boyfriend, my boyfriend, I stroke it for him and he got some on his hand, but he wiped it off and then he figured me, could it be possible that I might get pregnant from that?

13:09 Shawnee Smith Well, look, your judgment about that, your assessment that is as good as mine.

13:14 Adam This is something you have to bring up with your priest or rabbi. You were stroking him, you got some goo on your hand, then he fingered you. See, that's why when I'm with the ladies, I do this move. I take the hand, I put it in the opposite armpit and I do that wipe move. It's a class move.

13:30 Shawnee Smith It farts out as it goes?

13:32 Adam Sometimes it does on its own. It's never intentional, but it lets the ladies know that I care enough to wipe before I give them the finger.

13:40 Caller Oh, Andrea.

13:42 Shawnee Smith Well, at least, are you sexually active with him? Are you having sex with him?

13:45 Adam No.

13:46 Shawnee Smith All right, so you know you're not ready for that. And it would be sort of awful if you got pregnant sort of accidentally.

13:51 Drew Yeah, that would suck.

13:52 Shawnee Smith Trying to be responsible. How long ago did this happen?

13:55 Caller It was during New Year's.

13:57 Adam No, listen.

13:58 Drew Happy New Year.

13:59 Shawnee Smith You can still get the morning after.

14:01 Adam Oh, no, no, no. Listen.

14:02 Shawnee Smith I'm highly unlikely.

14:03 Adam If you got pregnant because this guy gave you the finger, this child is going to be... this is the next Messiah.

14:10 Drew I say he's a great guy. If he shot his wad and he still fingered you.

14:14 Adam Yeah.

14:14 Drew After the fact.

14:15 Adam That's a very valid point.

14:16 Drew That's a good point, yeah.

14:18 Adam Yeah. Either he's a wonderful guy or he has horrible self-esteem.

14:22 Caller Shawnee.

14:23 Adam It's one of... Maybe both.

14:25 Shawnee Smith Shawnee, are you channeling Adam Corolla or...?

14:28 Adam No, Shawnee is right because most guys, when they're done with that, that's it for the night.

14:34 Drew Well, especially at that age.

14:35 Adam Yeah, it's like popping the batteries out of the remote.

14:38 Caller It's just...

14:39 Adam It ain't there.

14:40 Shawnee Smith It ain't working.

14:41 Caller Right.

14:42 Adam Hey, Andrea?

14:43 Yeah?

14:43 Adam You're fine. Just... You do... You carry like some wet naps or something with you.

14:48 Okay. All right.

14:50 Drew That antibacterial hand.

14:51 Adam Boy, you're... Now, when you're giving him the hand, how long does it...

14:54 Shawnee Smith It was called stroking.

14:55 Adam Stroking him off. How long does it take him?

14:58 Drew You were effective, obviously.

15:00 I don't know. Like a little bit more than 15 minutes, I guess.

15:04 Adam Wow.

15:05 Drew That's pretty good.

15:06 Adam That's a decent technique, though, on your hand......behave. I don't think... I've never been stroked off by another, I'm proud to say.

15:14 Shawnee Smith That's one of the words of a love song.

15:17 Caller I've never been stroked off by another.

15:22 Drew Just do a hole in the peak show. Just do a hole in the...

15:25 Caller My, uh, stroked off by another, feel like a fool. Loving both of you is breaking all the rules.

15:36 Adam Excuse me. I don't think someone else could do it. I think it would be too confusing for my penis. I wouldn't mind letting them try, but I think eventually I'd have to jump in.

15:46 Shawnee Smith Maybe this could be the real, real thing for you. I mean, maybe this...

15:50 Adam The real hand?

15:51 Shawnee Smith Yeah, maybe this is what you've been rehearsing for all these years.

15:54 Adam Yeah, you mean I could, I could take my love of masturbation and actually...

15:59 Shawnee Smith And your love of laziness and snapping and combine them.

16:02 Caller Right.

16:03 Adam So I could actually have an orgasm with my hands behind my head. Yes.

16:07 Shawnee Smith Interesting.

16:09 Drew Or on the remote.

16:10 Adam That's interesting.

16:11 Caller Oh, think about that. Wow, baby.

16:14 It gets better.

16:17 Caller Sarah?

16:18 Yeah.

16:18 Adam You're 19.

16:19 Caller Okay.

16:20 Caller I've got fibrocystic disease.

16:22 Shawnee Smith Breast. Breast disease, yeah.

16:24 Adam You got those lumps in there?

16:25 I don't have any right now.

16:28 Caller But my doctors told me to take vitamin E.

16:31 Shawnee Smith Don't eat chocolate and watch your caffeine. Exercise, balance your diet.

16:36 And that's about it. That's the hard part.

16:39 Shawnee Smith And you realize how common this is, right?

16:43 No, I didn't. I was just wondering. My grandmother was thinking that young people don't get it.

16:47 Shawnee Smith No, they do. And it's extremely common. Are your periods irregular?

16:51 Caller I don't have them. I take Depo-Provera.

16:53 Depo-Provera.

16:54 Shawnee Smith Have that made the cyst worse or better?

16:57 Caller I've never had them before. And I've been taking the Depo for over a year.

17:02 And we decided that's not what it was from.

17:04 Shawnee Smith That's possible it is. And before you started taking Depo, were your periods irregular?

17:09 No. Not very irregular.

17:11 Adam How tough is the diet? What do you have to do with your diet?

17:14 Caller Well, I've also got fibromyalgia.

17:17 Adam You should kill yourself.

17:18 Drew What do you mean how tough? She can't have chocolate or caffeine.

17:20 Shawnee Smith Let me tell you.

17:22 Adam That's tough. But then she sort of intimated that it was even more.

17:26 Shawnee Smith Let me give you a tip on fibromyalgia. In my opinion, in my humble opinion, that is a sleep disorder.

17:33 Well, I'm starting to take melatonin.

17:35 Shawnee Smith Alright, but I'm telling you, you've got to focus on sleep hygiene. Make sure you have adequate sleep. Make sure the kind of sleep you get is proper. Anyone who doubts that, try not getting sleep even for about a couple of weeks and see how your bones ache.

17:49 Sleep deprivation is not fun.

17:50 Shawnee Smith Yeah, and you may be sleeping eight hours, but the kind of sleep may be not restorative and be such that it predisposes you to the fibromyalgia. So please take a look at that. How do you get proper sleep? It depends on the cause of the sleep disturbance. Whether or not it's getting up and urinating frequently, you have a partner that thrashes around all night, you're depressed, whatever it is, the sleep is disturbed.

18:12 Adam Vicodin in a bottle of red wine.

18:14 Shawnee Smith You're usually drinking too much alcohol.

18:16 Caller Too much.

18:17 Caller Not enough.

18:18 Drew They told me not to put it with the Vicodin.

18:20 Adam I now keep a flask in my pajamas.

18:21 Shawnee Smith Yeah, sleeping pills will make it worse.

18:23 Caller That's why you told me to take a little nip in the middle of the night.

18:27 Shawnee Smith Sometimes, that's a good advice, but sometimes some of the antidepressants that are sort of good for sleep hygiene are useful, like Trazodone or Serizone.

18:35 I've been extremely unlucky in finding a good antidepressant.

18:39 Shawnee Smith Did you try Serizone?

18:41 I've tried Wilbutrin, Remeron, Depakine. I also have a ton of problems. I have manic depression also.

18:49 Shawnee Smith Yeah, I hear that. Manic depressive do get chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia real, real commonly.

18:56 Adam Baby, you're 19 for Christ's sake.

18:58 Drew Try singing in a rock band.

19:00 Adam Yeah, you need to find Jesus or be dipped in something or something. I mean, my God.

19:06 Drew What do you do for fun?

19:09 Cook, clean, take care of my cats, trying to get a job.

19:12 Shawnee Smith You're 19, right?

19:14 Yes.

19:14 Adam You a big gal?

19:16 Caller I'm 180 pounds.

19:18 Adam How tall are you?

19:19 Five-five or five-six.

19:21 Adam You're fat. Oh, hey, hey, listen, it's funny. Whenever whenever I hear, tend to my cats, it's like I had 50 pounds for whatever I was picturing. It's like cha-ching. You have, how many cats? Two cats? It's a hundred pounds. Tend to the cats. Listen, let me tell you the cats, you should be tending to the nice young men at the local watering hole. Those are the cats you should be swinging with. Forget about your, your calico.

19:50 Drew When's the last time you had some fun? Besides cleaning and tending the kitty, kitties.

19:54 I go out, but it's, when I go out, my friends want to go out to clubs and drink and they're not very supportive of everything I get.

20:02 Shawnee Smith You're an alcoholic?

20:03 Huh?

20:04 Shawnee Smith Supportive of everything, meaning your recovery or?

20:06 Drew No, I mean she doesn't.

20:07 I can't keep up with them.

20:09 Shawnee Smith I see.

20:09 Drew Maybe you should try drinking more.

20:12 No.

20:12 Adam Yeah, sometimes you gotta break through. You hit that wall, you gotta keep pushing. That's what I did.

20:18 Caller I drink to that.

20:20 Adam All right, Sarah. Listen, baby, you're 19. Whip it up a little bit, would you?

20:24 Drew All right. I have to say, though, as you get older, like your living gets better.

20:28 Adam Yeah.

20:28 Drew So, you know, like give it time.

20:31 Adam You know what living's like? It's like traveling. You know, your first couple of trips to the airport and you get on the plane and you don't know where your eye shade is and you forgot your earplugs, you didn't bring your portable CD player.

20:42 Shawnee Smith Oh, and Adam. Oh, my God.

20:43 Adam Yeah.

20:43 Shawnee Smith Oh, that's all the drama. Yeah. Oh, my God.

20:47 Adam Now, I really, I went from not knowing, you know, which one was my ticket and where it was and what, what I should check and what I shouldn't check to getting the captain of the plane to sort through my mixed nuts and pick out the peanuts.

21:02 Shawnee Smith True story.

21:02 Adam True story.

21:03 You are an asshole.

21:04 Adam Yes. He actually separated the pretzel sticks from the smoked almonds for me. That's quite a move up. Talk about a learning curve.

21:14 Caller It's only been a few years.

21:15 Adam I'm proud of myself. But life is that way too. It's true. You know, like here's what I want to say to everybody. Get a can opener that feels good in your hand. It's worth it. You know what I mean? They make those Buck 99 can openers that hurt your hands when you use them and use them five times a week.

21:34 Drew You know, I totally, totally agree with you.

21:36 Adam Drop six bucks on the ergonomic ones with the big fat black plastic handle on it.

21:41 Drew It is the quality of life in those tiny moments.

21:44 Adam Yeah, you know, buy, go ahead and buy yourself three or four nail clippers. Throw one in the car. You'll never be without them. They're 99 cents.

21:53 Drew Oh, so true.

21:54 Adam Buy an extra stick of deodorant and toss that in the trunk of the car too. Do you know what I mean? Live it up a little.

21:59 Drew Throw the cats in the microwave.

22:01 Adam That's right. Put the cats in the microwave and put the nail clippers in the glove box and live it up. It does. Because it takes... I'm going to write a book on how to live. Go ahead. From the comfort and safety of my own basement. Everyone listen to me. It's something that... I drove a truck for many years that needed to be bump started. I had to push it every morning. The cranks on the windows were broken off. The windows were half up. I had to use a pair of vice grips to get the windows up and down.

22:33 Shawnee Smith That guy lived in the valley where it was...

22:35 Adam Yeah, thank God it was 115 degrees in the summer and 22 degrees during the winter. It really worked out for me. The point is, it took many years for me to realize I needed a car that actually had cranks on it and that I could turn a key in and would start. And same, like I said, with the can opener. Go ahead, everybody. Treat yourself right.

22:55 Drew Well, there's a thing, though, with women. Like we're not... Like men aren't allowed to express their feelings. Women aren't allowed to enjoy themselves, have fun, indulge. And it takes...

23:06 Shawnee Smith What is that? What do you mean by that is?

23:08 Adam No, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who's at the spa all the time?

23:12 Drew Well...

23:13 Adam You know what I mean? Here's the problem with women, as I see it.

23:16 Drew I'm sure our last caller has not been to a spa yet.

23:18 Shawnee Smith You're not allowed to indulge in mechanical stuff.

23:20 Adam No, here's the problem. Tools. Here's the problem with women.

23:23 Drew I'm talking about fun.

23:24 Adam There are...

23:25 Drew I'm talking about doing what gets you off and having no second thought about it.

23:29 Adam Well, that is true. They don't do that as much. One of the problems is that women don't like their own. So they got no one to have fun with. And then there's guys and guys don't like hanging out with them. So they're screwed. They don't have buddies. See what I mean? If women, see guys have a good time because here's what guys do. They want to blow off some steam. They want to have a good time. They get 10 of them together. They go play paintball and they scream for three hours out in some fields shooting each other. They have a great time.

23:56 Shawnee Smith Oh hell, they just go play ditch.

23:57 Adam Women don't do that.

23:58 Shawnee Smith They go do ditch.

23:59 Adam Yeah, women pick up the phone and complain about the other friend of theirs who ain't on the line. But here's the thing about women I've thought about in the spa. There's the 95% of women who should go to the spa who don't and then there's the 5% who go all the time and always talk about why they need to go again when really the only thing they're tired from is driving back from the spa.

24:21 Drew Are you dating someone who goes to a spa a lot?

24:23 Adam Yes, I've always dated women who go to the spa a lot.

24:25 Drew Well, there's your bra.

24:26 Adam And they'll sit around too and it's funny, people don't go to the spa. When women go to the spa, they feel as if they need to justify it a little bit. They go, oh man, I couldn't, this holiday season has been, I couldn't, first, first it was grinding of the nutmeg and then I put a wreath on the door and I need.

24:45 Drew The mistletoe really wore me out.

24:47 Adam I need the spa. You never hear guys talking about needing to go to the spa unless something happened like they rolled their jeep or something like that. But women, it's.

24:56 Drew What kind of man's man wants to go have like go to a spa? Come on.

25:00 Adam They don't, they don't. But I do agree with Shawnee that you women need to love each other a little more, get together in a group.

25:09 Drew I don't think it's about that. And go out and have a good time.

25:12 Adam No, it is, it is because let me tell you something about having fun and blowing off steam.

25:15 Drew Right.

25:16 Adam I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you an amazing example of having fun and blowing off steam. This weekend, here's what I got going for myself.

25:25 Shawnee Smith This coming weekend?

25:26 Adam This coming weekend, I have the auto show on Friday night. And then Saturday, it's the Super Bowl of Motocross in Anaheim. Tickets still available. Now, I'm going to pack up a car full of my idiot buddies from the Valley. And we're humping it out to Anaheim. And we're going to go chug some beers and watch these guys try to kill themselves on the dirt bikes. And it's going to be the greatest time ever. I got a boner for it already.

25:53 Shawnee Smith Humans, humans, we're not meant to have that much fun. Humans weren't meant for that.

25:58 Adam No, you're a chick, Drew.

25:59 Drew You're absolutely right, Drew.

26:00 Adam See, Drew doesn't understand this because he's a chick. And he don't get it up for guy stuff.

26:05 Shawnee Smith Okay, man.

26:06 Adam He's really a woman, man.

26:08 Caller I mean, gal.

26:09 Adam Because he doesn't understand it.

26:11 Drew And what will your chicks be doing while you guys are at the Motocross?

26:14 Adam We don't care. They're going to be individually sitting in their own crappy places and complaining that we're out.

26:21 Drew Okay. Well, you need to get your phone numbers before you go.

26:24 Adam Yes. You women need to band together and go out and have a good time yourselves. See? See, Drew, if your wife would go out and have some fun with her chick friends, then maybe you could get out and have some fun with your guy friends. But you don't really have any guy friends. You're just a bunch of guys with ascots talking about the day trading and things like that.

26:44 Adam I'm telling you, I'm so pumped up about this auto show and the Super Bowl of Motocross. I mean, it's like a one, two.

26:50 Shawnee Smith Yeah. I noticed you didn't invite me to the auto show. That's something I would have liked.

26:53 Adam Where would you go?

26:54 Shawnee Smith I'm not going to tell. Sorry. Thanks for inviting me.

26:56 Adam Yeah. Good times. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Shawnee Smith is our guest tonight from Becker. CBS, Monday nights at nine thirty. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be back after this.

27:08 You know what I'm saying, Adam?

27:28 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

27:43 Adam Yep, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Shawnee Smith is our guest tonight. She's from Becker. 9.30, Monday nights, CBS. One more series, one more season, and they're in the syndication, and that is good times. I did want to say, actually, talking about this Super, Supercross, and Jeremy McGrath, the king of Supercross, is gonna be in, he was gonna be in, yesterday, and settle over there, baby. But now he's gonna come in next week, because I got a whole bunch of dates over in Anaheim, but I'm gonna be at the Anaheim Stadium, coming up, what do they call it now? It's not the Anaheim Stadium anymore, it's the Edison Field, yeah. The Edison Field this Saturday. I'll be the drunk guy with my shirt pulled up, showing everyone my boobs.

28:38 Drew As long as you're having a good time.

28:40 Adam Oh, I love that. Yikes. I love it. I love it. I'll go, I get in the pit area and I start talking to the head mechanic about the bikes and stuff and bugging him, driving everyone nuts, drinking beer. Oh, it's great. I love it.

28:55 Drew I had my first mosh pit the other night.

28:58 Adam Where, what show were you at?

28:59 Drew My own.

29:01 Adam Oh, you were.

29:01 Drew The Pride All A-Ho.

29:03 Adam You were on stage in the pit with moshin? Oh, I thought you were in the mosh pit.

29:08 Drew No, I've been there too. That wasn't as pleasant.

29:10 Adam Where were you playing?

29:12 Drew At the gig on Melrose.

29:15 Caller Where the hell is that?

29:16 Adam It's on Melrose?

29:17 Drew Yeah, on Melrose. In what? Like La Brea.

29:21 Caller Yeah. How is it?

29:22 Adam Let's talk. Give your band a plug.

29:25 Drew I have a band called Phi Dollar Ho, spelled phonetically, F-Y-D-O-L-L-A-H-O. And Johnny, if you're running tonight, stop. You're sick. Because we're playing at House of Blues on Sunday.

29:38 Adam Oh, really?

29:39 Drew Yeah, 930.

29:40 Adam This Sunday?

29:41 Drew This Sunday at House of Blues.

29:43 Adam Tickets still available.

29:44 Drew Thank you very much. Tickets available.

29:47 Adam Well, that's great.

29:48 Drew But yeah, I had my first mosh pit and...

29:51 Adam How did you get the mosh pit going?

29:53 Drew Well, it just started going, but it so happens that a girlfriend I went to junior high with was the head cocktail waitress and I was ready to like, you know, really roll everybody up and she started trying to like, like definitely tone everybody down and tell them to stop. So being the non-competitive female that I am, I didn't encourage it, but it was pretty, it was definitely a momentous occasion.

30:18 Adam Do we assume there might be some moshing going on at the House of Blues on Sunday?

30:22 Drew Oh, I'm sure House of Blues, it's got a reputation for mosh pits.

30:26 Adam Some mosh capital of the strip there. All right. I think actually we're going to hear a snippet from one of your songs. At some point in the show, I don't know if it's now, I know Anderson was yelling something in your ear, Drew.

30:38 Shawnee Smith Which was, we'll hear a snippet.

30:40 Drew Oh, okay. It turns out it's that Hooker song, maybe.

30:43 Adam Yeah. You want to hear some of it now, or do you want to hear it coming back from the commercial, going in, or now? No.

30:48 Caller All right.

30:50 Adam $5 ho?

30:51 Drew $5 ho.

30:52 Adam $5 ho. How do you spell it again? Let me see.

30:55 Drew F-Y-D-O-L-L-A.

30:59 Adam All right. Good. Here we go. $5 ho. That's you singing?

31:41 Caller Are you playing?

31:42 Drew No, I just sing. I just sing and shake my ass.

31:46 Adam Yeah, I like that. You play the triangle like Tracy from the Partridge family?

31:53 Caller Yeah, it's good.

31:53 Adam It's like throwback retro punk.

31:55 Shawnee Smith Yeah, it's very Bow Wow Wow.

31:58 Caller Oh, Drew.

31:58 Caller Oh, yeah.

32:00 Adam Not Bow Wow Wow? Anderson's got a puss on over there.

32:04 Caller Well, I don't know.

32:05 Adam I mean.

32:05 Shawnee Smith Shawty thought 14.

32:08 Adam What is an early punk chick?

32:10 Caller Joe Jett.

32:16 Drew Pat Benatar, All the Way.

32:18 Adam Yeah.

32:19 Drew Hell is for Children.

32:20 Adam Let me tell you something about Pat Benatar's Hell is for Children. That is my new karaoke number.

32:25 Drew Oh, no, don't do it to the world.

32:28 Adam I hate seeing Hell is for Children like nobody's business.

32:31 Shawnee Smith All right.

32:32 Drew Give us a snippet.

32:33 Shawnee Smith Yeah.

32:33 Adam You know, Hell is for Children.

32:35 Shawnee Smith We can we can. That will be later in the show.

32:37 Drew And you know that their little lives can become such a mess.

32:41 Shawnee Smith I encourage you, Johnny. You will learn. Oh, no, no.

32:44 Adam I mean, I really I mean, the audience tears are coming from their eyes and blood from their ears. By the time I'm done with Hell is for Children. Justina, Justina, Oh, me, Justina.

32:57 Caller Hi.

32:58 Shawnee Smith Oh, no, that'd be no tea there.

33:00 Adam Oh, there isn't. Oh, boy.

33:03 Drew Oh, what is your name?

33:06 Caller Justina.

33:06 Drew Justina. What the hell's the matter with you? Justina.

33:10 Caller I don't know.

33:10 Adam I thought I saw tea in there.

33:12 I can't take it, Adam.

33:14 Caller All right.

33:14 Shawnee Smith What's going on?

33:17 Caller Well, a while ago, my brother was in his bedroom and my best friend was spending the night. And well, we heard some squeaking from his bed and he started screaming at her name. And now my best friend is afraid to come over.

33:33 Caller No, he was just, he was just screwing around.

33:36 Drew Was she with you or with him?

33:38 Caller He was with me.

33:39 Drew Oh, yeah.

33:40 Adam He was screwing around.

33:42 Drew Yeah.

33:43 Shawnee Smith What's your question?

33:44 Caller Well, I don't know. Now she's afraid to come over and that's not the only time it's happened.

33:48 Caller Yeah.

33:49 Adam He's screwing around. He's a screwball, right?

33:53 Caller Not usually.

33:54 Shawnee Smith How old is he?

33:55 Caller He's 28.

33:56 Shawnee Smith What does he ask her out of? How old is she?

33:58 Caller She's 19.

33:59 Shawnee Smith That's a weird behavior for 28 year olds. What's he doing at home?

34:03 Drew Yeah, first question.

34:04 Caller My son is kind of pitiful.

34:06 Shawnee Smith He what?

34:07 Caller I have a lot of people living at home that are older than they should be.

34:10 Shawnee Smith He's pitiful? Is that what you said?

34:11 Caller Yes, he is pitiful.

34:12 Drew Okay. Did you say you have a lot of people living at home?

34:16 Caller Well, let's put it this way. I'm the youngest and everyone older than me is living at home.

34:22 Adam Really?

34:22 Shawnee Smith His pitifulness is a much bigger issue than his screwing around.

34:26 Adam What's your nationality?

34:28 Caller I don't know. I'm a lot of everything.

34:30 Adam I see.

34:32 Shawnee Smith No predominant?

34:34 Caller I don't know. We're probably more Irish and Italian than anything.

34:37 Adam Really? Well, that's probably the Italian side that's still living at home. What's he do for a living?

34:44 Drew He lives at home. He doesn't have to work.

34:48 Caller Actually, he was working at Walmart recently.

34:50 Adam Oh boy. Good time. Oh, yeah. He needs to get out of that house.

34:56 Caller Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

34:57 Adam Yeah.

34:58 Shawnee Smith And so do you. We're talking to her. Why don't we give her some advice?

35:01 Adam Get out of the house.

35:03 Drew Yeah, there you go. Then your friend can come visit you again.

35:05 Shawnee Smith Exactly.

35:06 Drew As long as you don't start squeaking the bed and screaming her name.

35:09 Adam That whole jacking off, yelling out someone's name business is just something from bad 80s movies. But no guy ever does that. No guy ever yells, I'm coming, and no guy ever yells out the name of some girlfriend. Listen, you're tight lipped. I keep my mouth shut. I'm scared something's going to land in it. You know what I mean? I don't want to taste myself. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

35:34 Drew You got him.

35:35 Yeah. Oh, no.

35:36 Adam That's good.

35:37 Caller Yeah, that's good.

35:39 Drew You know, distance thrower.

35:41 I know.

35:41 Adam Don't stop. Yeah, baby. Come on now. Come on. Daddy's coming.

35:44 Caller Daddy's coming. Daddy's coming home.

35:47 Adam Well, that is true.

35:48 Caller I do do that.

35:49 Adam Well, let me tell you something about semen flight.

35:52 Drew At least you know you're practicing safe yet unsafe sex.

35:55 Adam It is a it is a spin of the sperm roulette wheel. Every time you take your penis in your own hand, manchow bed here. It really is because sometimes the stuff dribbles out like a bird just cramped on your belly. And sometimes the stuff goes bouncing off the wall behind your head. You just never know.

36:16 Caller True.

36:16 Adam How does that work? Do you know what I mean?

36:18 Caller I am.

36:21 Drew Let's get clinical.

36:22 Caller Clinical.

36:23 Adam Do you know what I mean?

36:24 Shawnee Smith Do you want to hear about the contractile force of the pubococcygeal muscle?

36:27 Drew I had a lesbian friend that told me that a woman can ejaculate dynamically.

36:33 Shawnee Smith Yep. Quite forcefully.

36:36 Drew How does that happen if you don't have another woman who understands the multiple orgasms so much, she spends the time?

36:46 Adam What is her question?

36:47 Drew Well, I never heard of a straight friend saying, you know, you can projectile orgasm just like a guy.

36:52 Shawnee Smith Not everyone can. We had long discussions about that in this show.

36:56 Adam Let me tell you some about women in actually having a physical orgasm where something comes out of them. 97% of women can't do it. But the 3% who can are doing it for the other 97%.

37:10 Shawnee Smith We've had a show where we...

37:11 Adam Okay, keep going there, Drew.

37:13 Shawnee Smith Well, I thought that was all you were going to say.

37:14 Adam All right, about to just step right on the end and just start rambling there.

37:18 Caller You're very sensitive.

37:18 Shawnee Smith I've got a little point to make, that's all. I thought you made your point. Go ahead and make your next point.

37:22 Caller I know, go ahead there, buddy.

37:23 Caller Come on, big baby.

37:24 Shawnee Smith Point was, the 3% does it for the 90%.

37:27 Adam Yes.

37:27 Shawnee Smith I got that. Okay.

37:29 Drew Okay. But does it feel better?

37:30 Adam I was just trying to finish off a little comedy there, but go ahead, just keep going.

37:34 Shawnee Smith I thought you were just making a point.

37:36 Adam No, just, just, you know.

37:38 Drew Let's talk about, does the 3% who projectile, does that, do they feel it anymore?

37:43 Shawnee Smith They don't do it all the time. Some of them claim it's just a physical phenomenon. We spent a whole show interviewing just those women. And some of them said it was sometimes it was bigger when it happened, sometimes it didn't make any difference, then it would just happen. Others claim they had it all the time, some have never had it.

37:58 Drew Really?

37:58 Shawnee Smith It's just.

37:59 Drew So I was obviously tempted to be enticed into lengthy lesbian sex.

38:06 Shawnee Smith And most of them were not with oral sex, remember? Most of them were during intercourse.

38:11 Adam I don't remember that part of it, but obviously with the lesbians.

38:14 Drew How can you tell really?

38:16 Shawnee Smith A lot comes out.

38:17 Adam Nicole?

38:18 Drew I'm sure the guys love that.

38:20 Adam And they do the first time, but by 135, it's getting a little old. Nicole? Hey, goofball, what's up? You're 15.

38:28 Caller Okay. Um, okay.

38:32 Caller Like, lately, I don't know, I've just like...

38:36 Caller Oh, boy.

38:37 Caller Never mind.

38:38 Adam That's a damn lie and you know it! Nicole, do you have something to say or is that it?

38:44 Caller No, never mind.

38:45 Adam All right, baby. Okay.

38:48 Shawnee Smith Mom's in there.

38:49 Caller Oh, listen. Mom?

38:52 Shawnee Smith Nicole? Is that mom?

38:54 Adam Yeah.

38:55 Caller All right.

38:55 Shawnee Smith Oh, no, wait a minute.

38:56 Adam You want us to put you back on hold and you get rid of your mom?

38:59 Caller What do you want?

38:59 I mean.

39:01 Caller Nicole?

39:02 Caller Uh-huh.

39:03 Adam Can we put you on hold?

39:04 Caller Yeah.

39:05 Adam And then we'll get back to you?

39:06 Caller Uh-huh.

39:07 Adam Mom, mom will. Is your mom still in the room?

39:09 Caller Yeah.

39:11 Drew Mom bringing you down. Yeah.

39:12 Adam Can we talk to her?

39:14 Caller Hello? Oh, there she is.

39:15 Adam Oh, there she is. Oh, is this Nicole's mother?

39:17 Caller Yes.

39:17 Adam Hi. How are you?

39:18 Caller Hi.

39:19 Adam You have a dynamite young lady for a daughter.

39:22 Caller I'm sorry?

39:22 Adam You have a wonderful young daughter. She's called our radio show.

39:25 Caller Yeah. I was wondering what she was calling so late at night.

39:28 Adam Oh, I see. Now, where do you guys live?

39:30 Caller San Pedro.

39:31 Shawnee Smith Hello, Nicole's mom.

39:32 Adam San Pedro. That is in the same time zone we're in, right?

39:35 Shawnee Smith Right.

39:36 Drew How old are you?

39:37 Caller Excuse me?

39:38 Drew How old are you?

39:39 Caller I'm not going to give you any information until I find out who I'm talking to.

39:42 Shawnee Smith Yes, that's the next issue. She deserves that.

39:43 Drew Yes, absolutely.

39:45 Adam This is Menachem Begum.

39:46 Shawnee Smith No, no, no.

39:47 Adam No. This is Loveline, the radio show.

39:50 Shawnee Smith You're on my radio now.

39:52 Adam Yes.

39:52 Shawnee Smith Locally, you're on Care Rock.

39:53 Adam All right. We attempt to help young people who have questions about sometimes intimate problems, but other times just questions that mostly have to do with growing up and being teenagers. You know what I mean? Same questions you had when you were 15, I'm sure. So how old are you?

40:12 Caller Well, again, I'm not going to ask.

40:13 Caller I'm her parent.

40:15 Caller My age is irrelevant.

40:17 Drew You just sound really young. That's why.

40:19 Caller Well, you know, what can I say?

40:21 All right.

40:21 Adam Hey, honey.

40:23 Caller But I heard...

40:24 All right.

40:24 Caller Hey...

40:25 .you guys are showing. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

40:27 Adam Well, can you do me a favor and blow me?

40:30 Caller Thank you.

40:31 Adam Old bag.

40:33 Caller Have fun, honey.

40:36 Adam Please.

40:36 Drew Well, we know what her daughter's problem is.

40:38 Adam Just come over here and blow me, Mom.

40:41 Shawnee Smith Here's the problem.

40:41 Adam Oh, who cares?

40:42 Shawnee Smith No, wait a minute.

40:42 Adam I don't care.

40:43 Shawnee Smith If that daughter had a...

40:44 Adam My age is not relevant. Oh, just go blow me.

40:47 Shawnee Smith Hey, look, that's a compensation, though, for the fact that she had a baby when she was 15 or 16.

40:52 Drew She sounded like it, didn't she?

40:54 Shawnee Smith And now she's hell bent on... But now, if Nicole's problem was real, that mom needs to know what's going on with Nicole, because that's some heavy...

41:01 Drew Well, didn't she start out saying, I really love it when...

41:04 Shawnee Smith No, she has some... She didn't say it. I'm not going to repeat it here. What was on the screen was some very, very heavy stuff.

41:10 Adam Well, here's the point.

41:12 Shawnee Smith If mom's busy compensating and denying it, she's going to miss this kid's need for dialogue.

41:16 Drew You better be talking, mom.

41:18 Adam Well, let me tell you something.

41:20 Drew Or let her talk to someone else.

41:21 Adam Here's the deal. Nicole's problems, and poor Nicole is sitting home with mom next to the radio listening to this, I'm sure. Nicole, if you drink, now's the time to have a shot. Nicole is 15, attracted to older guys. Was that the problem? And into a few things with those older guys, 15 year old gals should not be into.

41:48 Drew Now, let's talk about the older guys that shouldn't be into it.

41:51 Adam Her mom would like to turn a deaf ear to it, and that's fine. And here's my point, Drew. I'd like to talk to people and see if we can help them, but I'm not going to talk them into it. So if they don't want any help, or they want to, you know, go read the Bible and lock the door. Fine. Have fun. Enjoy.

42:09 Drew She won't be having fun.

42:10 Adam I'm going to be at the Super Bowl of Motocross drunk on Saturday, laughing my ass off while you try to raise your wild daughter. So enjoy. We'll take ourselves a little break.

42:19 Drew We'll be back.

42:54 Adam Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, and that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Shawnee Smith is our guest tonight. She's the kooky one from Becker. 930, Monday Nights, CBS. Year, or I should say season number three. What's that on, after Everyone Loves Raymond?

43:14 Drew Yeah.

43:15 Adam Yeah, it's a good Monday night lineup there.

43:18 Drew But nobody knows that Ted Danson actually got nominated, too, for Golden Globe this year.

43:23 Adam Oh, he did?

43:23 Drew Best actor. Yeah, CBS doesn't want anyone to know, but I'm letting the cat out of the bag.

43:29 Adam Are you being facetious when you say that?

43:33 Drew No, it's just bizarre like how little attention that the show Becker gets.

43:39 Shawnee Smith Maybe CBS is the issue, the cloud we've been under all these years.

43:42 Adam Well, let me-

43:44 Drew Are you guys CBS?

43:45 Adam I don't know. We do? We work for CBS? We do. All right. Well, that's why we don't get any attention. Here's the thing, though.

43:51 Drew At least I got here.

43:52 Adam Let me tell you something about this stealth TV show and radio show and all this stuff. There are plenty of TV shows out there that get a lot of attention. They get a spotlight. Some of them are good like Sports Night or whatever, and they get a lot of press and they get a lot of talk and whatever, and then they're gone in three months and they're never heard of again. There's a long list of these shows and I can't remember them right now because they're only around for three months. And then there are shows that are just around and people are, they know the name, but they're not on the cover of TV Guide. You don't hear them talked about on Entertainment Tonight. They don't get much press, but here's the thing.

44:32 Shawnee Smith I think that's good. Those are TV shows that people like, not the people TV like.

44:38 Drew A part of us are like a bit nervous if the cat ever got out that the show is on the air and stuff because we like are off in top 10. We're like the top three comedy, but we never ever get mentioned.

44:51 Shawnee Smith That's the point. If your viewers like it, who cares what people in TV think?

44:55 Adam No, that's not my point. That's not my point.

44:57 Shawnee Smith What's your point?

44:58 Adam My point is I treat this show like an employee and the boss is CBS and your office is very far away from the boss's office and he doesn't come to your side of the factory very often.

45:13 Drew Right, so you just work and work and work and work.

45:15 Adam And you'll never get fired because he doesn't know you're there as opposed to the guy who's always in the boss's office but is always giving ideas to the boss. The boss could not like one of the ideas and fire the guy. I mean there's shows and I don't want to compare you to Full House but here goes. There's a lot of shows out there like Full House like Suzanne Summers and Patrick Devon. That show ran for like eight or nine years. No one even knew it was on the air. I think if someone would have found out it was on the air would have been canceled. I think if they would have went to that.

45:48 Shawnee Smith This is Shani's concern.

45:49 Adam I know. No, this, I think if someone would have found out that Full House and then not Full House but what the hell was that? Maybe it was Full House, just the nine of us, whatever that Suzanne Summer, Patrick Duffy.

46:01 Drew What was that?

46:02 Adam TGI. Friday. No, not she's the sheriff. No, they found out about that and canceled. What I'm saying is I have a theory that there's step-by-step. Who put that in your ear, Drew? Because that wasn't you.

46:17 Shawnee Smith That was not me.

46:19 Adam All right. Step-by-step. The point is, I don't think ABC knew step-by-step was on the air. For at least six of the eight years it was on, if they would have found out about it, someone would have canceled it. You see what I'm saying?

46:33 Drew Were they a top 10 show across the world? I know.

46:36 Adam You guys are actually a good show. So it sounds like I'm insulting you. All I'm saying is-

46:41 Drew No, I hear your point.

46:43 Adam Keep your low profile, make it to season number four, and laugh all the way to the bank with the syndication.

46:49 Drew I hear you. I do. That is a very valid point.

46:52 Adam Don't go into the office of the programmer and start stirring things up. He could focus his attention on you. Next thing you know, he decides he doesn't like the show and cancels you. That's what I'm saying.

47:04 Drew Oh, I should have kept my mouth shut this morning at the read-through.

47:08 Adam Keep a nice show that even your own network doesn't know is on the air.

47:12 Drew Right. Yeah, well, whatever. It's working, whatever.

47:15 Adam You tell Ted if he wins that Golden Globe to send an Indian up there to accept. I don't want to see him up there. Danielle?

47:23 Drew Yes.

47:24 Adam You're 15.

47:25 Drew Please don't be my sister.

47:27 Adam I'm guessing you have a sister named Danielle?

47:31 Drew No, I do.

47:39 Adam All right. There we go.

47:42 Shawnee Smith You must be driving for Francisco City.

47:45 Adam You're 15. What's up?

47:47 Caller I was raped three times over the summer. And ever since then, like, all I want is sex.

47:55 Adam I see. Three times?

47:57 Caller Yeah. Well, one of the times was it was statutory. It was consensual and all, but it was statutory.

48:03 Adam How old was the guy?

48:04 Caller 21.

48:05 Adam I see. And what were the other two times?

48:10 Caller One of the times was also the same night with the 21-year-old, but the other one, I had to go to a-

48:15 Adam Hold on. Same night?

48:16 Caller Yeah.

48:17 Adam All right. So you had sex with the same 21-year-old guy twice in one night?

48:21 Drew No, a different 21.

48:23 Caller No, there was a 16-year-old and a 21-year-old.

48:27 Adam Okay, so the second one was the same night with a different guy.

48:31 Caller Right.

48:32 Adam Well, it's a big, busy night for you.

48:34 Drew How was that rape, the second one?

48:37 Caller Because they put something in my drink.

48:40 Shawnee Smith You were loaded, yeah.

48:41 Adam I see. And you know, Jimmy put his penis in a Snapple that I drank once.

48:49 Caller That's right. That's right.

48:50 Adam Well, he is putting something in my drink. One guy was named Jimmy?

48:54 Caller Yeah.

48:55 Adam Yeah, probably was Jimmy Kimmel. And what was the third instance of rape?

49:00 Caller I had to go to an institution because I tried to commit suicide.

49:06 Adam What was the third case of rape?

49:08 Caller Yeah, that's what I was getting to.

49:09 Adam Oh, at the institution.

49:11 Caller Yeah.

49:11 Caller Oh, baby.

49:12 Caller What happened there?

49:14 Caller I died a friend in my room and pushed me down.

49:18 Shawnee Smith Wow.

49:19 Caller And that was my third.

49:21 Shawnee Smith Did the hospital personnel find out about it?

49:24 Caller Yeah, I told them. Good.

49:26 Adam And what did they do to the guy?

49:29 Caller They kept him in the same place as me. They didn't believe me.

49:33 Caller They didn't believe you. Awful.

49:35 Adam I'm ready to do a little gambling on young Danielle.

49:39 Shawnee Smith It's sort of moot. She's into this trauma, repetition compulsion.

49:43 Adam What happened, baby? Where's daddy?

49:46 Sleeping.

49:47 Adam Sleeping?

49:48 Caller Yeah, I'm adopted.

49:49 Caller Uh-huh.

49:50 Shawnee Smith How old were you when you were adopted?

49:53 Caller Well, I've lived with these people all my life, but I was three. They're really my in uncle.

49:58 Caller Yeah.

49:59 Adam Okay. So when you're torn out of the family at three, that means there's some serious chaos going on there.

50:05 Caller My mom was a drug addict, like every drug.

50:08 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

50:09 Caller She was 15 when she had me. Wow.

50:12 Caller Right.

50:13 Adam Okay. So life's basically been a nightmare thus far, right?

50:16 Caller Yeah.

50:17 Adam Now what are you into substances?

50:20 Caller Um, yeah. Yeah.

50:21 Caller We got to pick.

50:22 Adam Yeah.

50:22 Caller Yeah.

50:23 Adam What are you into?

50:25 Caller Um, pot, acid, E.

50:28 Caller Okay.

50:29 Adam Just pot, acid, and E though?

50:31 Caller And vodka.

50:32 Adam Oh, and vodka.

50:33 Shawnee Smith What's vodka?

50:33 Adam Lee Baca, you see, is running for sheriff out here.

50:36 Caller Well, alcohol.

50:37 Shawnee Smith Oh, I see.

50:38 Adam Okay, hold on a second. Is it Baca? We, we, what?

50:41 Shawnee Smith We're out of it.

50:42 Adam We got to get hip.

50:43 Shawnee Smith All right.

50:44 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. We're going to get back with Danielle over here and sort out her miserable life after this. Loveline, Fast-Growing Outlaw Radio Show in Southern California and the world. Oh yeah, and the nation. All right, yeah, I kind of dropped the ball on that one. Shawnee Smith is our guest tonight. She's from Becker, the Golden Globe-nominated Becker.

51:37 Drew Thank you.

51:38 Adam Ted Danson.

51:38 Drew Congratulations, Ted.

51:40 Adam 9.30, Monday nights, CBS. What is this, his 19th nomination? The guy's been nominated for a few Golden Globes in his day, hasn't he?

51:51 Drew Yeah. Well, I told him like his ass-kissing has raised up now since he's been nominated, but if he loses, like it's going to go down further than where it started.

52:00 Caller Oh, really?

52:01 Adam He has won a few times, hasn't he?

52:04 Drew Yeah, but I think he's been nominated a lot more times than he's... I don't know what it is, man. I think the guy is a brilliant actor and especially like the genre that he does.

52:15 Adam I don't see him on the talk show circuit too often. Am I missing him or am I right about that? I don't know, man.

52:23 Drew Is he kind of a private guy? Like I said to him all the time, like you should be on the cover of, like you should be doing sexy covers of magazines.

52:33 Shawnee Smith But didn't he go through all that? He sort of did that when he was younger.

52:35 Drew Well, you know, he had all those years on Cheers and I think he's kind of been there, done that. But I think he would do it again. But I don't know, like people around him are lying to him, saying people don't. He says to me, oh, they don't want me, blah, blah. I'm like, how can that? Like I just don't buy it. So whoever wants Ted out there, just give him a call and say, Shawnee said to call.

52:56 Adam Well, it may be just that I haven't caught him, but I don't. He seems to keep a fairly low profile for a guy who's fairly well known and the star of a sitcom that's on prime time. I mean, maybe it's just keeping with the pattern and theme of the whole show that he's getting passed over and not getting the recognition he deserves. But I don't see the guy on the magazine covers. I don't see him on the Tonight Show. I just don't see him around.

53:26 Drew Would you like him here on Loveline? Because I'll talk to him.

53:28 Adam Yes.

53:29 Drew Well, that'll be our first test. You know, we'll see, like, if they're not asking or if he's turning him down.

53:35 Adam Well, I'm sure we were turned down by him.

53:37 Caller I know.

53:39 Adam I know that for a fact.

53:40 Drew I think he'd have a great time on this show.

53:42 Adam Well, we'd love to have him. So when you see him, when you see him next.

53:47 Drew Tomorrow morning at nine thirty.

53:48 Adam Oh, you can't talk to him tonight. You'll see him at six thirty tomorrow morning. And it's a ways off. That's what it would be like seven and a half hours away. When you see him tomorrow, tell him we'd love to have him on the show.

54:01 Drew Oh, well, that's a pretty cool guy.

54:04 Adam He seems that way. And I like anybody.

54:07 Drew I don't see too much.

54:09 Adam I like I like people. I like it's the people I don't trust are the people that are coming out with their own waffle makers on on on the on the hawk, your junk channel and the people that are writing books that no one cares about and that kind of stuff. Yeah, like us. All right. Dan. Yeah, like Drew. Daniel. All right. So you're 15. You you you've been getting raped quite a bit. The summer chock full of rape.

54:38 Shawnee Smith You was abandoned as a child.

54:39 Adam Yes. You come from this horrible family. You're into substance abuse. And where are you living now? Are you back home?

54:46 Caller Yeah.

54:47 Adam Okay.

54:47 Caller I was in a hospital. I just got out in October, like the middle of October.

54:51 Shawnee Smith Have you ever been involved in recovery at all?

54:54 Caller In what?

54:54 Shawnee Smith Recovery. Drug addiction.

54:56 Adam We'll take that as a no. In what?

54:59 Shawnee Smith You really need to look into some recovery, right? Some addiction treatment. You need to do that. And realize that, I was telling Shawnee during the break, that what happens when somebody has the sort of usual fabric of safety of the normal social structure ripped away and they're rendered completely powerless in some sort of traumatizing situation, the arousal of that etches into the brain, a pattern that caused them to go out to try to master that by reenacting it over and over and over again. And so, while this awful rape thing was, you know, something you would ultimately avoid, the acknowledgement of the powerlessness is more painful than actually pushing that away by trying to master it by repeatedly engaging in the same behavior.

55:41 Adam I'm sure she absorbed all of that, Drew.

55:43 Drew Well, like, simply put, like, if you follow your feelings and where your feelings kind of naturally take you, you're gonna, like, they're just gonna kind of keep leading you down the same road and if you check out some, maybe, some recovery things, they might give you some different tools which will feel totally weird at the time and, like, foreign and not as arousing as what you know, which is what you're repeating.

56:08 Shawnee Smith And the arousal is where the attraction is, but you know you have that little voice inside you that goes, jeez, why am I doing this? This is not right for me. That's your real instinct. That's really where you want to be. And the attractions and the arousals associated with that is all just side effect from having been traumatized so badly.

56:23 Caller Okay, well, I go to like three counselors right now. One is a drug addiction.

56:29 Shawnee Smith Go ahead.

56:30 Caller The other one is a rape crisis.

56:31 Shawnee Smith Well, why don't you get with this? You've got lots of treatment at your disposal. Get with it.

56:36 Caller I'm bipolar.

56:37 Shawnee Smith Look, no excuses. Get with it. Do the program. Follow the direction.

56:41 Caller Okay, but see, I put myself in the places. I...

56:44 Shawnee Smith Right...

56:45 Caller .it's my fault because I...

56:46 Shawnee Smith No, no, that's what's common to blame yourself. Again, it's avoiding the powerlessness. It's more or less painful to take responsibility for these things that you had no control over. A guy ran into your room when you were in the hospital and raped you. Somebody put something in your drink and raped you.

57:00 Caller Well, wait a minute.

57:01 Adam She is taking responsibility for it.

57:03 Shawnee Smith No, no, no, no. But these were random things that were not her responsibility. The point is, rather than experience the powerlessness, which is the more painful issue, you should rather say, no, it's my fault.

57:12 Drew Right. I put myself there and then you get this whole, you know, period of...

57:17 Adam Well, let's work with her logic and say, don't put yourself there anymore. Can you do that?

57:21 Drew Well, you're not thinking... Your mind's not functioning logically when your brain and this like feeling or sensation is overpowering, especially when you're so young. I mean, it seems like until you get sick and tired of ending up in the same place enough, are you willing to like do behave differently or try different things that are totally new that just aren't familiar, like seems like human beings are creatures of habit and we like what's from what we know, even if it sucks and it hurts.

57:51 Caller Okay, but see, you have to realize this is really hard for me. The medicine that I'm taking, none of it works for me.

57:57 Adam Yeah, all right. Well, why don't you talk to your counselor, your psychiatrist about that and see if you can get it adjusted.

58:04 Caller Well, we've been doing that and nothing works.

58:07 Adam Well, listen, nothing's going to work if you just keep declaring nothing works.

58:12 Caller Right.

58:12 Adam I mean, here's the deal, because we're out of time and I'm going to close this up by saying this. Danny, I've talked to a thousand of you in the five years I've been here and the future is not bright unless you really make some effort to make some change. Going on instinct and just kind of floating with the flow, the way the wind blows, it's going to blow you right into hell. You understand? You're going to have to work and it's sad.

58:39 Drew Not the way the wind blows you, but the way every feeling in your body and mind is driving you to go.

58:45 Adam Easy, baby.

58:45 Drew Sometimes.

58:46 Adam Getting a little cathartic for Shawnee over here.

58:48 Drew No, but sometimes it's true.

58:49 Adam What I'm saying is, is because of your past, and I'm sorry to happen to you, but it does happen to people, you're going to have to work harder than most people in order to have the kind of life that they didn't seem to have to work so hard for.

59:03 Drew That's well put.

59:04 Adam It's going to be a full time job for you to stay out of trouble, to stay straight, to not get loaded, to not get raped, to not get pregnant. It's going to be an effort. But you know what? You have no alternative. That is it. It's either that or be, you know, pregnant junkie at 16. So, you're in the hands of some people who can help you. Let them help you and work with it. That's it. It's going to be slow, but you're 15, you're young, you started early, you can still have a great life, all right? But you got to work. I mean, let me, you know, this is the way life is in many, many respects. I mean, there's some people that don't start off with all the advantages. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's mental or emotional. And for those people where sometimes reading doesn't come easy to people, sometimes...

59:52 Caller Oh gosh.

59:54 Adam Now I'm getting cathartic. Math doesn't come easy to some people. Some people have difficulty. They're not the smartest, they're not the tallest, they're not the best looking. There's some people that eat half a baked potato and put on 20 pounds. Those people... And then there's some people that go to Carl's Jr. stick their head in the deep fryer and don't put on an ounce. The people that put the weight on are going to have to work. They got to work harder. That's it. It'll probably make you a better person in many ways. But you're going to have to work at it. All right. Alex, I'm going to go home and check off a nap after this, by the way.

1:00:33 Drew Keep your mouth closed.

1:00:35 Adam Oh, yes. Nice.

1:00:36 Caller Wear those goggles.

1:00:37 Adam Don't need any of my seed planted in my own soil.

1:00:40 Caller You know what I'm saying?

1:00:42 Adam Alex?

1:00:42 Caller Yeah.

1:00:43 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:00:45 Caller It's like I think I'm attracted to guys, but I want to be straight because all my friends are straight, you know?

1:00:51 Adam Right.

1:00:51 Caller Like pressuring.

1:00:53 Adam Sure.

1:00:53 Caller I don't know what to do.

1:00:56 Adam Why do you think you're attracted to guys?

1:00:58 Because.

1:00:59 Adam I just mean, you know, have you ever had an encounter with a guy?

1:01:03 Caller Yeah.

1:01:04 Adam You have?

1:01:05 Caller Yes, I have.

1:01:05 Caller How old were you?

1:01:06 Caller I was 13.

1:01:08 Shawnee Smith How old was the guy?

1:01:09 Caller He was 15.

1:01:11 Adam And do you like have like gay erotica you like to look at?

1:01:17 Caller I'm not sure.

1:01:19 Adam You're not sure?

1:01:20 Caller No.

1:01:20 Adam Well, those are the ones where the guy's corn holing the other guy.

1:01:23 Caller You know what I'm talking about?

1:01:26 Adam When a guy's wearing like a leather cap, and he's corn holing another young gent. You've seen those?

1:01:32 Drew Obviously, you have.

1:01:33 Adam Yeah. Fantastic. It's art. It really is what it is. I don't look at it as pornography. I look at it as an expression of art and love.

1:01:42 Shawnee Smith Sure.

1:01:43 Drew They're popular at the motocross.

1:01:45 Adam Sure. Alex, you ever get on the Internet and look at, you know, guys doing stuff to guys? Yeah. Yeah. All right. So that's probably what you're into.

1:01:56 Drew Have you been with a woman? Did it do anything for you?

1:01:59 Caller Um, no.

1:02:01 Drew No and no or no and no? You haven't been with a woman?

1:02:05 Caller No.

1:02:06 Drew Had no desire to.

1:02:07 Caller Right. All right.

1:02:09 Adam So you're gay. Drew doesn't really... Drew, what's what's...

1:02:11 Shawnee Smith I don't get the right feel for it.

1:02:13 Adam Like a bogus vibe there?

1:02:14 Shawnee Smith Yeah, definitely a bogus vibe.

1:02:15 Adam Having trouble answering the questions.

1:02:17 Shawnee Smith But also no feeling. And this is a very painful thing for a young guy to deal with.

1:02:20 Adam Sure, getting in the ass?

1:02:22 Shawnee Smith No, which is, gee, I want to be heterosexual. I expect to be heterosexual. I'm ashamed of these same sex feelings I'm having. I would, I want to wish them away. How do I deal with this? And most guys at 15...

1:02:35 Adam Anderson, put that on a cart, by the way, if you could, about Drew wishing he was heterosexual and wishing he wasn't attracted to men. Yeah, go ahead and mark that one down.

1:02:44 Shawnee Smith And most guys who are calling with that will call with, how do I wish that away? How do I make that go away? Because they still cling to a belief that they can. And just grappling with that is a very painful process. And what most, I recommend most kids that age, whether male or female, dealing with same sex orientation, is get in touch with the Gay and Lesbian Youth Center in your area and deal with people who've been through this so you can get some support with what it's like as you sort of dig through this experience. All right.

1:03:12 Adam Well, that's what he should do, right?

1:03:13 Shawnee Smith Absolutely.

1:03:14 Adam All right.

1:03:14 Drew All right.

1:03:17 Adam Jason.

1:03:18 Yes.

1:03:18 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:03:20 Caller Adam, I just want to say that you're a genius.

1:03:22 Adam Oh, thank you.

1:03:23 Caller And I'm kind of worried about testicular cancer a little bit. I've kind of had like a, I think it's called the vast difference from what I learned in health class.

1:03:33 Shawnee Smith Why don't you go have somebody who knows the difference take a feel?

1:03:38 Adam Well, let him finish, please, Drew.

1:03:39 Caller Sometimes it kind of feels like it's swollen a little bit and then it kind of goes down, but it's just like really, really sensitive, kind of like really big in circumference, like a big cord running from my testicle.

1:03:52 Shawnee Smith I can tell them what that is, but it doesn't make my different mind.

1:03:54 Adam Well, go ahead, tell them what it is.

1:03:56 Shawnee Smith Some, there's nothing to do with testicular cancer, right?

1:03:59 Caller Okay.

1:03:59 Shawnee Smith You probably have Epididymitis, which is inflammation of the cap that sits on top of the test, and the somatic cord will thicken and get inflamed in the reaction of that. But you need to see a doctor. I don't know why you're messing around with this on your own without letting someone take a look at it and treat it.

1:04:14 Caller Okay.

1:04:15 Adam All right.

1:04:15 Caller All right.

1:04:16 Adam All right, there, Jason. All right.

1:04:18 Caller Later.

1:04:18 Caller All right.

1:04:19 Caller That was easy.

1:04:20 Adam Well, Drew, don't come down on the kid.

1:04:23 Shawnee Smith Why, you're very frustrated with people.

1:04:24 Drew Especially when he loves Adam so much.

1:04:26 Caller He thinks I'm a genius.

1:04:27 Shawnee Smith Yeah, that's the thing. I think that's what triggered him.

1:04:28 Adam Which makes him a genius. By the way, if any of you want to be labeled with the genius tag, all you have to do is proclaim me a genius or a savior and I'll immediately label you a genius. You see how easy it is? Well, go ahead, Drew.

1:04:45 Shawnee Smith You're my personal savior.

1:04:46 Adam You're a genius.

1:04:47 Drew Okay.

1:04:48 Adam Go ahead. Did you want to finish that thought?

1:04:51 Shawnee Smith No.

1:04:52 Adam No, not the genius thought. The thought about this man doing his own.

1:04:56 Shawnee Smith No, just in general, it frustrates me when people do their own, I mean, do their own care, you know, do their own health care. So what are you waiting for? You have a problem?

1:05:07 Adam But understand when you're a teenager and there has to do with your nether regions and you're a little bit tentative about having somebody take a look at that area, you'd like to sort of suss it out for yourself, like the time I lanced the carbuncle on my anus.

1:05:22 Shawnee Smith You know, you had no problem with people looking.

1:05:25 Drew What's a carbuncle?

1:05:27 Adam Well, see, I didn't know either till I lanced it.

1:05:30 Drew I mean, I could probably guess, but...

1:05:32 Adam Yeah, close your eyes.

1:05:34 Drew I'd rather not.

1:05:34 Adam You're picturing my anus? Now picture a giant carbuncle on it.

1:05:39 Drew It like has arms and legs.

1:05:40 Adam Carbuncle is one of those words that's like slinky. You know what it means just by the word.

1:05:45 Caller You know what I'm saying?

1:05:48 Adam Carbuncle, slinky.

1:05:49 Shawnee Smith Everyone loves a carbuncle.

1:05:51 Adam It's carbuncle, it's carbuncle. For fun, it's a wonderful toy.

1:05:54 Caller For carbuncle.

1:05:55 Adam Yeah, it's fun for a girl and a boy. Jessica.

1:05:59 Caller Hi.

1:06:00 Adam You're 13. What's up, totes?

1:06:03 Caller Okay, like you're a god.

1:06:05 Adam Oh, you're a genius.

1:06:06 Drew Oh, you're a genius.

1:06:08 Adam Very smart.

1:06:09 Caller Okay, well, I can't talk that loudly because my parents are in the other room. And I like sleeping.

1:06:13 Shawnee Smith We've had one parent encounter tonight, that was enough.

1:06:15 Adam That's right.

1:06:16 Caller Yeah. And she would freak out.

1:06:18 Adam What's your problem, baby?

1:06:21 Caller Well, people are sexually harassing me and like, like offering money to like give them BTs and why?

1:06:26 Shawnee Smith Why?

1:06:27 Adam Well, wait a minute. How much?

1:06:28 Shawnee Smith Why?

1:06:29 Caller $5.

1:06:30 Shawnee Smith Why is this happening to you?

1:06:32 Drew Well, what's a $5 ho?

1:06:35 Shawnee Smith Where did this come from?

1:06:36 Caller I seriously take offense to it.

1:06:38 Shawnee Smith Yeah. Why did this happen to you? What are they? Where did that come from?

1:06:41 Caller Well, like, I thought like I could trust this guy.

1:06:44 Caller And like, a what?

1:06:46 Caller Okay. Well, in the summer, like I did.

1:06:48 Caller And like, I told this one guy because like I thought I could trust him and stuff.

1:06:51 Shawnee Smith You told him what?

1:06:52 Caller That I gave these two guys BJs.

1:06:55 Shawnee Smith I see. So the fact that you did that is something that sort of made you the object of these guys' ridicule, huh?

1:07:02 Caller Yeah, but I only told one person. I told them not to tell anybody.

1:07:05 Shawnee Smith Well, you obviously did.

1:07:07 Adam For free? You gave this guy some BJs?

1:07:10 Caller I like them.

1:07:11 Adam Oh, I see. So you give a free beef if you like the guy? That's pretty...

1:07:15 Drew Let me tell you something about men. You tell one, they can't wait to tell the next, tell the next, tell the next, tell the next.

1:07:21 Caller I know. Well, now I realize that.

1:07:23 Adam That's why the one wants to...

1:07:24 Drew That's a crappy way to learn that lesson.

1:07:26 Adam That's why he wants to know. He wants to tell other people.

1:07:29 Shawnee Smith He wants to gain stature by delivering the messages.

1:07:31 Drew Right.

1:07:32 Shawnee Smith But imagine how awful that would feel, 13. Your whole school is objectifying you and treating you like crap for something you...

1:07:39 Drew Of course, if it was a guy doing it, he'd be a hero.

1:07:42 Adam That's the beauty of that double standard, but listen...

1:07:44 Drew You're a genius.

1:07:45 Adam Thank you. Jessica? Here's the deal. The good news is there's probably plenty other gals at the school who have been handing these out, too, if I know America today. So it's not like you're the only one who's done it.

1:08:00 Caller Oh my God. Okay.

1:08:01 Caller My brother's listening.

1:08:03 Adam Okay.

1:08:03 Caller But... Oh boy.

1:08:05 Adam That's going to kill his jack for that.

1:08:06 Drew Is he older? Can he kick some...

1:08:08 Caller No, he knows.

1:08:09 Shawnee Smith How old is he?

1:08:10 Caller He's 16.

1:08:11 Drew We'll have him take care of the guys.

1:08:13 Adam No, no, no, no. Listen, Jessica. Yeah, he would. Jessica.

1:08:16 Caller Yeah?

1:08:16 Adam Listen, all you have to do is not respond and it'll go away.

1:08:21 Caller Yeah, he's right.

1:08:21 Adam Very shortly.

1:08:22 Drew He's right. Adam?

1:08:23 Adam Yes?

1:08:24 Caller You're all over my notebook.

1:08:26 Adam Oh, are you kidding? This is the best day of my life. Is my name on your notebook?

1:08:31 Caller Yeah, Adam. It says Adam Corolla, Loveline. And you and Dr. Drew are like all over and like, oh my God, I love you so much.

1:08:36 Adam Wait a minute. What kind of notebook? The peachy folder or the blue denim kind of?

1:08:40 Caller No, no, it's a big one and it's, it's you are the only person in it. Yeah.

1:08:44 Adam How do you spell my last name?

1:08:46 Caller Uh, it's, it's on my password also. And my, my ins messenger is Adam C's Juggie.

1:08:53 Adam Really? Wait a minute. What password?

1:08:56 Shawnee Smith What's a password for the computer?

1:08:57 Caller Um, Adam 3636.

1:08:59 Adam Nice. And, and now is my last name on your notebook too?

1:09:04 Caller Yeah. Hold on.

1:09:05 Adam Do you spell it C-O-R or C-A-R? Cause a lot of people misspell it. Yeah. See it's C-A-R.

1:09:11 Caller Oh.

1:09:11 Adam A lot of people misspell it. And you got it C-A-R? Yeah.

1:09:15 Caller That's what I meant.

1:09:16 Adam O-L-L-A, right? I have put some hearts by it, right?

1:09:20 Caller I will.

1:09:21 Adam Yeah.

1:09:22 Caller And I have the picture like, it's like a passion picture and it has a kiss on it. Like.

1:09:26 Shawnee Smith What's a passion picture?

1:09:27 Adam I don't know. What's a passion picture?

1:09:29 Caller I don't know. It's on your website or something like that.

1:09:31 Shawnee Smith On your website?

1:09:32 Adam I don't know.

1:09:33 Caller What website?

1:09:34 Caller Whose website?

1:09:35 Drew That one you have to pay to see.

1:09:37 Caller No, I thought it was an unofficial or something. My friend Sasha called because she's bulimic and she told you to say hi to me. And you did. And I was like freaking out that whole week.

1:09:45 Adam Okay, babe. Well, let's get back to the oral sex problem.

1:09:48 Caller Okay. Sorry.

1:09:49 Adam Now, listen.

1:09:50 Drew What they all say.

1:09:51 Adam Here's the deal. These guys are like seeds and they need watering. And if you don't water them, they'll never grow. They dry up. And blow away. So, just just keep walking with the references. Yes, blow away. They'll just just keep walking and just keep looking forward and just stare at the name of your God and Savior, which is on the front of your notebook as you walk and hold it next to your bosom as you walk down the hall and gain strength from now. Do you? Good.

1:10:21 Caller Good.

1:10:22 Adam I will always be with you.

1:10:25 Caller Is it right if I visit you?

1:10:26 Adam Yes.

1:10:26 Caller I'm coming down in February.

1:10:28 Adam You're going down in February?

1:10:30 Caller I'm going to see you with Sasha and we're making a movie for you.

1:10:32 Adam Okay. Where are you calling from?

1:10:36 Caller Washington.

1:10:37 Adam Okay. You're going to be 14 in February because 13 is a little... When are you going to be 14?

1:10:46 Caller October 27th.

1:10:48 Adam All right. Well, listen, I'll make an exception just this one time.

1:10:53 Caller Thank you. I love you so much.

1:10:55 Adam All right, Jessica, you come visit us when you come down here.

1:10:59 Caller Okay.

1:11:00 Adam Bring that notebook with you, would you? All right. Good times.

1:11:03 Caller I'm going to make a second one. All right.

1:11:04 Adam Now listen, don't give oral sex to anybody until you see me. Okay. Well, no, I don't mean she was going to perform on me. I just meant in that time period.

1:11:15 Shawnee Smith You're trying to have...

1:11:16 Drew He's just trying to set goals.

1:11:17 Shawnee Smith A positive influence over the time period.

1:11:19 Adam That's right.

1:11:20 Drew Finally.

1:11:20 Adam I'll tell you, being on someone's notebook means you've arrived. It really does. I really feel good about that. Because I remember...

1:11:29 Drew Didn't you get that when you were 13?

1:11:31 Adam When I was 13, people had Jethro Tull under a notebook and...

1:11:36 Shawnee Smith Cat Stevens.

1:11:37 Adam No, that's when you were 13. Now they had like Tull and Zeppelin and Aerosmith, and that's what they would write. And then once in a while, you might get like a chick with a Leif Garrett or something like that. Right?

1:11:51 Shawnee Smith Yeah, I'm just trying to think in my time what that was.

1:11:53 Adam Well, you went to a different kind of school than I did. You had like Bella Abzug written on your... on your notebook. Then she drove ahead of your crowd you ran with, right?

1:12:02 Shawnee Smith Yeah, she was.

1:12:03 Adam All right. Jasmine?

1:12:08 Shawnee Smith Jasmine?

1:12:08 Caller Yeah.

1:12:09 Shawnee Smith Hi.

1:12:09 Adam You're 20. What's up?

1:12:10 Caller Um, can you hold on a second?

1:12:13 Shawnee Smith We're gonna put you out of hold anyway. We are gonna put you out of hold.

1:12:15 Adam We'll take a little break, all right? All right, baby. Hang on.

1:12:18 Shawnee Smith Remember his parents are hanging out with him. That's good.

1:12:21 Adam Yeah, people can't talk tonight. It's great. Like, they're all calling and the awarding is coming down the hallway.

1:12:27 Drew Quality time.

1:12:28 Adam Shawnee Smith is our guest tonight. She's a delightful young gal.

1:12:33 Drew Consistent applause.

1:12:34 Adam Jimmy was right about you. He had a good feeling about you. She's from Becker. That is 9.30 on Monday night, CBS. Don't tell anyone about it.

1:12:45 Drew Yes.

1:12:45 Adam They're keeping a low profile and sliding right under the radar.

1:12:48 Drew Don't blow our cover.

1:12:51 Adam We will take a little break. We'll be back with Jasmine after this.

1:12:56 Caller This is Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:13:07 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio.

1:13:19 Adam It's Loveline and Pearl Duck Drew over there. Shawnee Smith is our guest of night. She's from Becker. She plays Becker's assistant at the office there, the contangorous Ted Danson. Who's up for another Golden Globe, by the way, but nobody cares. Ted will be on the show next week, though, when Shawnee weaves her magic tomorrow morning by convincing him to come on the show and make a rare appearance, right?

1:13:43 Drew Yeah, it shouldn't take much. A couple of sexual favors.

1:13:46 Adam 9.30 on who's who would be handing, who would the favor be? Will that be you providing a favor?

1:13:53 Drew No, I let him give me a couple favors and it's easy.

1:13:57 Adam 9.30 Monday nights, CBS. You can also find Shawnee in her band, Five Dollar Ho. Five Dollar Ho?

1:14:05 Drew Five Dollar Ho.

1:14:06 Adam Five Dollar Ho. www. That would be Sunday night at the House of Blues 9.30 too, right?

1:14:14 Drew Right. Or on the website. You can see pictures, reviews, gigs.

1:14:18 Adam Really?

1:14:19 Drew Yeah. I don't have a book, but I got a website.

1:14:21 Adam fivedollarho.com?

1:14:23 Drew www.

1:14:25 Adam fivedollarho.com? Yeah. Spell that one more time.

1:14:28 Drew F-Y-D-O-L-L-A-H-O.

1:14:31 Shawnee Smith One word.

1:14:32 Drew One word.

1:14:33 Adam All righty. All right there, Druski. I know there's some, I think there's some, like, unofficial Loveline websites and the fame things, stuff like that, but I have never seen one of them, ever. And I have no idea where they are, how you find them, or what pictures are on there, or what kind of lies they're telling about us. Jasmine?

1:14:55 Caller Yeah.

1:14:55 Adam So you're 20. You can talk now?

1:14:58 Caller Yeah.

1:14:59 Caller All right.

1:15:01 Caller Um, I have a, well, it's not really a problem, but I'm attracted to older married men, and I want to know why that is.

1:15:13 Shawnee Smith That sounds like a problem to me.

1:15:15 Caller I'm sorry?

1:15:16 Adam Daddy?

1:15:17 Drew Daddy.

1:15:18 Caller Um, he's home.

1:15:19 Adam Yeah. You love him?

1:15:22 Shawnee Smith No.

1:15:22 Adam He didn't pay enough attention growing up?

1:15:24 Drew Or too much.

1:15:25 Caller Alcoholic?

1:15:26 Caller Um, not really.

1:15:29 Adam What did Daddy do?

1:15:30 Caller Uh, has his own business.

1:15:33 Adam Yeah.

1:15:33 Shawnee Smith What does that mean?

1:15:35 Drew Not around.

1:15:36 Caller Not really. I'm not too close.

1:15:39 Shawnee Smith How come?

1:15:43 Caller I don't know. We don't get along.

1:15:44 Shawnee Smith How come?

1:15:47 Caller I don't believe her alone.

1:15:48 Shawnee Smith Just see if we get some of it.

1:15:49 Adam Well, how much silence can we tolerate on this show?

1:15:52 Drew You can't tolerate much.

1:15:54 Adam Well, for Christ's sake.

1:15:55 Caller She took a breath.

1:15:56 Shawnee Smith She's breathing.

1:15:57 Adam All right. Jasmine, how come you didn't get along?

1:16:02 Caller I don't know. Just because.

1:16:04 Adam Okay. Hold on. Where's my scratch pad? Just because. You said because? Yeah. Hi, Drew. You satisfied? Hi. I think we now have enough information that we can...

1:16:15 Caller I don't really approve of my friends or anything I do and I'm not...

1:16:20 Shawnee Smith You kind of want to piss them off, don't you?

1:16:22 Caller I'm sorry?

1:16:23 Shawnee Smith You sort of want to piss them off, don't you?

1:16:25 Drew No, I see where you're going with this.

1:16:26 Caller Well, I think like everything I do does anyway.

1:16:27 Caller Right.

1:16:28 Adam Well, you're not going to disappoint him by not disappointing him. Yeah. You're angry at him now, right?

1:16:33 Caller Yeah.

1:16:34 Caller Huh?

1:16:35 Caller Yeah, but I'm not.

1:16:37 Adam Okay. Can you move out of the house?

1:16:41 Caller No, not really.

1:16:42 Caller Why?

1:16:43 Shawnee Smith You're 20. You're 20. Why not?

1:16:47 Caller Just because of cultural differences.

1:16:50 Adam Where are you from?

1:16:53 Caller Not from here. I grew up here, but I wasn't born.

1:16:58 Shawnee Smith Where were we born?

1:16:58 Adam You weren't born here? I see.

1:17:01 Shawnee Smith Where were you born?

1:17:02 Adam Not born here, right?

1:17:04 Caller Eastern Europe.

1:17:05 Adam Oh, you're so, Drew, you're so lucky that Drew asked you where you were born because I was so close to hanging up on your boring ass.

1:17:14 Shawnee Smith The European family tends to be very, very tight and mashed.

1:17:18 Adam Good, stay home and live with Dan, date 50 year old guys.

1:17:21 Shawnee Smith Look, you're pissed whether you realize it or not. You need some nourishment that helps you individuate and be a separate whole person and then you're not getting it from your family.

1:17:31 Adam See about moving out of the house. Could you do that? Your dad wouldn't care. Just move out. All right, baby, good times. Boy, I'll tell you, she was very forthright. I'll tell you, she must have been some sort of auctioneer.

1:17:49 Drew I assume they're like 13, 15, but she's 20.

1:17:52 Adam She's 20.

1:17:52 Drew If you care, just get out, date who you want. If you want to give those older guys the pleasure, then...

1:17:57 Adam She's angry at everyone. Listen all you a-holes. I understand you're mad at the world and every male's daddy and you got a problem except for you don't have a prom but you want to call but you don't want to talk about it. Screw you. Go rot in your own hell. I don't want to talk to you. Don't call this show you idiots. If you can't talk, if I'm asking you if there's cultural problems about your family's origin and I ask you where you're from and your answer is not from here, blow me. Get rid of you a-holes. Don't call this show. Mindy?

1:18:29 Caller Yeah?

1:18:29 Adam You're 17.

1:18:31 Caller Yeah.

1:18:31 Adam I've had it up to here with you already. What do you want?

1:18:34 Shawnee Smith What's up Mindy?

1:18:36 Caller Well, see, when me and my boyfriend have sex.

1:18:39 Adam Yeah.

1:18:40 Shawnee Smith Nice. All right.

1:18:41 Adam You're back. You're back in my good graces by the way.

1:18:44 Caller Well, like he pulled out just one time and I looked down there and his balls like shrunk. They were like shrunken.

1:18:51 Shawnee Smith They pull up like landing gear.

1:18:53 Adam That's right.

1:18:54 Shawnee Smith And that's called the cremasteric response.

1:18:56 Adam Yeah. They want to be protected during the sex.

1:19:01 Shawnee Smith Some guys, some guys, that's the question.

1:19:02 Drew I'm going to cremasteric.

1:19:04 Shawnee Smith I'm going to cremasteric. There was a period of the dinosaur evolution.

1:19:08 Adam Right after the Bronze Age. It was a cremasteric.

1:19:10 Shawnee Smith Jurassic, cremasteric, then the Bronze.

1:19:12 Caller What's it called?

1:19:13 Shawnee Smith Cremasteric.

1:19:14 Drew Cremasteric. Oh, excuse me.

1:19:16 Adam Hey, Mindy, you ever watch those nature films? You see where the shark attacks and that little membrane goes over the eyes. The eyes roll back. You know why? It's so the shark doesn't hurt its eye when it's eating something. And that's what the nuts do. They don't want to be injured during sex.

1:19:32 Caller Baby, don't look.

1:19:35 Shawnee Smith And here's, we get this...

1:19:37 Adam My nuts are long. I get going sexually, I get wedged in an asshole.

1:19:40 Shawnee Smith You're long in the nuts?

1:19:42 Adam Yeah, I'm long in the nuts. Short in the penis, long in the nuts. I get going fast enough, it has a sort of pendulum effect.

1:19:49 Shawnee Smith Yeah, I thought it was a piston.

1:19:52 Adam It slaps back and forth.

1:19:54 Caller They were like the size of a little bigger than marbles.

1:19:57 Adam Yeah, it happens.

1:19:58 Shawnee Smith Well, I often get called to question these colleges I go and speak at by guys whose testes sort of rolls up into the inguinal canal, like it gets up into where the body joins the leg, and they actually feel it suck up into there.

1:20:11 Adam But that's not what this is.

1:20:12 Shawnee Smith It can do that, and that's part of the cremasteric response, too. When guys ejaculate, some guys get one side or the other where that will roll up.

1:20:18 Adam He's fine, Minnie. I'm more concerned with the part about him pulling out and you being 14.

1:20:26 Caller Well, I didn't want him to cry.

1:20:28 Adam Yeah. Well, enough said.

1:20:31 Shawnee Smith Mindy, you can still get pregnant without the pulling. Even though he pulled out, you can still get pregnant.

1:20:36 Adam She thought I was concerned about the fact that he pulled out.

1:20:38 Shawnee Smith Yeah, I know.

1:20:39 Adam Yeah, how come he didn't just come in you or on you or up you? I'm very concerned about the fact that he pulled out.

1:20:47 Drew What's my mouth? What's the problem?

1:20:50 Adam Well, I didn't want him to come. You want to hear, yes, that is the IQ of our listeners in a nutshell. That is the answer.

1:20:58 Drew No pun intended.

1:20:58 Adam I'm more concerned about this 14-year-old who's having sex with you and pulling out, response, well, I didn't want him to come in me.

1:21:06 Drew Right.

1:21:07 Shawnee Smith Concrete.

1:21:07 Adam That's what I like. Hey, Mindy, listen here, goofball. You're going to be pregnant by your 15th birthday.

1:21:15 Shawnee Smith Do you understand that you can get pregnant even though he pulls out?

1:21:17 Caller I'm not worried about it.

1:21:19 Shawnee Smith Mindy?

1:21:21 Caller Yeah, I'm on birth control.

1:21:23 Shawnee Smith All right. Well, what are you taking?

1:21:24 Caller Huh? The shot.

1:21:26 Shawnee Smith Depo-Provence.

1:21:27 Adam Who puts you on that?

1:21:28 Caller My mom.

1:21:29 Adam Wow. That's a real hillbilly move there, boy.

1:21:32 Caller My mom was like a hippie. Oh, yeah.

1:21:34 Adam That's great.

1:21:35 Drew What about, like, does no one worry about STDs at 14 or?

1:21:39 Shawnee Smith You know, the 14-year-olds are absolutely not going to get STDs.

1:21:42 Adam They're impervious.

1:21:43 Shawnee Smith Yeah, they have a special barrier. We're trying to figure out that barrier.

1:21:47 Drew Is that herpervious or impervious?

1:21:49 Adam Man, I'll tell you, this boyfriend of hers really hit a goldmine. Hippie mom shot her up with a depot, and now he's just humping away.

1:21:58 Drew Go, mom.

1:21:58 Shawnee Smith Need to get a condom. You still can get STDs, of course.

1:22:01 Adam Yeah.

1:22:02 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:22:04 Adam Yeah. I was thinking about that. You know what's interesting about that cremasteric response, and I think that's the same thing we're talking about. No, no. The sac skin actually gets 200 times thicker.

1:22:19 Shawnee Smith The dartos tunic.

1:22:20 Adam Is that what that is?

1:22:21 Shawnee Smith Pulls in.

1:22:21 Adam Yeah, it pulls in, but I mean, it seems like it...

1:22:26 Shawnee Smith Becomes tough as a buffalo hide.

1:22:28 Adam But, I mean, it goes from this long, elastic, elongated origami-type substance to this thick, very thick skin.

1:22:41 Shawnee Smith Yeah, it's like a tissue paper to like the surface of a triceratops.

1:22:45 Adam No, it looks like a squirrel's brain.

1:22:48 Shawnee Smith Yeah.

1:22:49 Adam It's attached to the other side of your Johnson. Look at the brain. It's like a walnut-sized brain, isn't it? And the skin goes from paper thin to like light coming through it thin to super thick.

1:23:03 Drew That's kind of hot.

1:23:04 Adam How does that work?

1:23:05 Shawnee Smith That is the dartos, the magic of the dartos tunic.

1:23:07 Adam Where else is your skin thicker? That is some male stuff.

1:23:12 Shawnee Smith How about that?

1:23:14 Drew I heard you cuss.

1:23:15 Shawnee Smith Give me the...

1:23:16 Adam Now listen, that book doesn't illustrate anything.

1:23:18 Shawnee Smith I'll show you the...

1:23:19 Adam Yeah, but it's not going to explain how it works. It's just going to show me a guy's nuts.

1:23:22 Shawnee Smith It'll help you understand it.

1:23:24 Adam I don't want to see any more nuts.

1:23:25 Drew Well, it must thicken up to protect the sperm, right?

1:23:28 Shawnee Smith Well, it protects the... No, not the sperm, but the factory.

1:23:31 Drew The factory, yeah. I mean, those future babies.

1:23:35 Adam Yeah, it's like when they...

1:23:36 Drew You know what's crazy is that each one of us is the winning sperm of like how many billions, right? Like more people than on the planet.

1:23:45 Adam Quite a...

1:23:46 Drew Esoteric.

1:23:47 Adam We want to get high after the show. We should really freak ourselves out.

1:23:51 Drew We're still recovering from the years.

1:23:53 Adam On TV, man.

1:23:54 Drew Me, too. Me, the sperm.

1:23:56 Shawnee Smith The one sperm that lived...

1:23:57 Caller The one sperm...

1:24:00 Shawnee Smith He fought his way through.

1:24:01 Adam A show with the dude, Sammy, who owned the bar, man.

1:24:08 Caller Bro.

1:24:09 Adam All right. We will take ourselves a break. We're back, Shawnee Smith.

1:24:12 Shawnee Smith We've got to pee, don't you?

1:24:13 Adam We're not taking a break yet?

1:24:14 Shawnee Smith What are you so early for? It's four minutes early.

1:24:16 Adam Four minutes early? We're breaking.

1:24:18 Shawnee Smith Let's break. I've got to pee. There's a break now.

1:24:19 Adam How dare you? Anderson, what do you want?

1:24:21 Shawnee Smith We just confuse everyone every night.

1:24:23 Adam I break late every night. Now I'm trying to break on time. So shoot me.

1:24:28 Shawnee Smith Let's pee.

1:24:28 Adam Let's go. You're always complaining I don't break on time. Aren't we supposed to break at 38? It's not 37? What is it, Anderson? What is the official timer supposed to break? 38?

1:24:39 Drew And you worry about a chick taking a breath?

1:24:42 Adam Yeah. All right. You want plugs for the show or you're OK on your own?

1:24:48 Drew You mean Becker, 930, Monday nights?

1:24:51 Adam No, I was talking more about the House of Blue show.

1:24:54 Drew www.fightallajoe.com, House of Blue Sunday, 930.

1:24:59 Adam Yeah. You want me to give those plugs or not? Yeah, please.

1:25:01 Caller All right.

1:25:01 Drew You're a genius.

1:25:02 Adam All right. We'll be back.

1:25:05 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:36 Caller Get It, Loveline.

1:25:37 Adam I'm Adam Corolla, he's Dr. Drew, Sean E. Smith is our guest tonight from Becker. CBS, 9.30, Monday nights. Golden Globe nominated Becker. Well, actually the actor plays Becker. He'll be on the show tomorrow night, right? You talked to Ted for it.

1:25:53 Drew I'm gonna get Ted here.

1:25:55 Adam Tell him we're fans, we like to see him. Seems like a laid back guy. What day do you guys film?

1:26:00 Drew Tuesday.

1:26:02 Adam So, your schedule is you have like the table read on like Wednesday or something and then it's it's a good life.

1:26:10 Drew It's a tough life over a half hour.

1:26:12 Caller It's a sitcom life, right?

1:26:13 Drew Yeah, it's like another universe from an hour show.

1:26:16 Adam The only, I mean the tough days are the tape days and the day before the tape day. Yeah, but there's a couple of easy days in there too, right? The table read day is pretty easy day, right?

1:26:27 Drew Yeah, well, if you do any like one film any day on a half hour show is not like even film day, especially when Andy Ackerman is directing it.

1:26:36 Adam Is Andy Ackerman due back? Who's Andy Ackerman?

1:26:40 Drew He did Seinfeld.

1:26:41 Adam Oh, so what does that mean?

1:26:43 Drew It means he's fast.

1:26:45 Adam Oh, really? That's good. So how long is the tape day for you?

1:26:48 Drew It's like 11 hours.

1:26:50 Adam Well, that's a pretty long day.

1:26:51 Drew Yeah.

1:26:52 Adam But I mean, table read day is a couple hours, right?

1:26:55 Drew Table read is like an hour.

1:26:56 Adam Hour. So that's Wednesday.

1:26:58 Drew That's Wednesday. Thursday and Friday are like 930 to 430.

1:27:02 Adam I mean, it's just kind of walking around, though, right?

1:27:05 Drew Yeah.

1:27:05 Adam They call you when they need you, right? Yeah, it's a good gig.

1:27:09 Drew Yeah. It's a bit like we were having lunch today after the table read and I was looking around the table and I'm like, it's like I have two bands. I got my band and then I have like my cast of Becker.

1:27:19 Caller Yeah.

1:27:20 Drew And it's kind of like, I mean, half-hour comedy is a bit like music, you know? You work off each other, it's fast, you rewrite it every day, you fine-tune it, and then you like perform it for a live audience.

1:27:31 Adam How much input do you have in the writing?

1:27:34 Drew Oh, as little as possible.

1:27:36 Caller Yeah.

1:27:37 Adam You're so lucky. And thank God you have people of handy stuff that's not garbage.

1:27:42 Drew Yeah, those writers were pretty spoiled. I don't know if I will leave in Las Vegas was pretty amazing. But if you think of all the hours we've put together on three seasons of Becker of Half Hours, it like blows away any two hours of movie I've ever done. The writing's like that good.

1:27:59 Adam You've done some pretty crappy movies.

1:28:01 Drew Well, yeah. Hey, man, I did the blob.

1:28:04 Adam Oh, yeah, you did?

1:28:05 Drew Screw you.

1:28:06 Adam You did the blob, really?

1:28:07 Drew Yeah, the remake, of course.

1:28:09 Adam You did the one that came out like 15 years ago blob, or is there another blob?

1:28:14 Drew There was a remake, yeah.

1:28:16 Adam Well, there was a remake of the blob that came out in the 60s, right?

1:28:20 Drew Oh, was that the second one? What did Steve McQueen do?

1:28:23 Adam Well, there was...

1:28:24 Shawnee Smith Early 60s.

1:28:25 Drew Apparently, I really researched this movie.

1:28:27 Adam Yeah, there was a blob in the 60s, right? And then there was a remake in the mid 80s or somewhere around there. And then they had a third blob?

1:28:37 Drew No.

1:28:39 Adam Who decided that was scary, by the way, the blob? You know what I mean? It sounds like your fat aunt from Poughkeepsie came to stay the weekend or something at the blob. That doesn't instill a lot of fear in people, does it?

1:28:52 Drew No.

1:28:52 Adam What is it? What do you mean, what is it?

1:28:54 Drew How about the movie poster in Mexico, El Blob?

1:28:58 Caller El Blob.

1:29:00 Adam Emily?

1:29:01 Caller Yeah.

1:29:01 Adam You're 16.

1:29:02 Caller Yeah.

1:29:03 Adam What's up?

1:29:03 Caller Well, I start getting horny at 1 o'clock in the afternoon and it goes on to 10 o'clock at night.

1:29:11 Adam Nice. Where were you when I was in high school? And do you have a boyfriend?

1:29:17 Caller Nope.

1:29:18 Drew I'm like, and this is a problem because...

1:29:20 Caller It's annoying. It annoys me.

1:29:22 Adam And what do you, how does it annoy you?

1:29:24 Caller It just, I get, it just is annoying to me. It bothers me.

1:29:28 Caller Hold on.

1:29:28 Adam Why? I can grab my pad again.

1:29:30 Caller How is it annoying to you?

1:29:32 Shawnee Smith It's just annoying.

1:29:32 Adam Is that your thing? Remember that. I got to find a pen.

1:29:35 Caller Because there's nothing I can do about it.

1:29:37 Adam I see. But is it to the point where you can't get your homework done because you're so distracted? Do you constantly masturbate?

1:29:46 Caller No, I never masturbate.

1:29:46 Adam You rub up against guys in the hallway?

1:29:49 Drew You never masturbate? Why?

1:29:51 Caller It just does nothing for me at all.

1:29:54 Drew Well, you got to do it to get something.

1:29:56 Adam I see the difference between men and women. Women are so stupid. They're like, I'm starving. I'm starving. I want you to eat something. No. No, never.

1:30:02 Shawnee Smith It does nothing for me.

1:30:02 Adam It doesn't do anything for me. That wouldn't do it. What do you mean? I think it would. I think a big pizza would probably help.

1:30:08 Shawnee Smith No, no.

1:30:08 Caller No, it wouldn't do it.

1:30:10 Shawnee Smith That's too weird.

1:30:11 Adam Yeah, I can't go to that pizza place. That place in myself.

1:30:14 Caller No wonder you're annoyed with yourself.

1:30:17 Adam The place in myself where I eat the pizza. I have to go to that place. I can't find that place.

1:30:21 Shawnee Smith I have to light some candles.

1:30:22 Adam I have to light some candles or I'll get in the tub. I'm going to talk about this to somebody.

1:30:27 Shawnee Smith Then I might be able to eat the pizza, but it still would be weird.

1:30:29 Adam You understand why women are such a pain in the ass. She's horny. She refuses to masturbate. And will not even consider it.

1:30:36 Caller What is wrong? No, I've tried it.

1:30:38 Caller It just doesn't work for me.

1:30:40 Drew Well, how long did you try it for?

1:30:42 Caller I tried it on several occasions. I don't get pleasure from it.

1:30:49 Adam Have you been with a man?

1:30:50 Caller Yeah.

1:30:51 Adam And did you get pleasure from that?

1:30:52 Caller Yeah.

1:30:53 Adam And did you have an orgasm?

1:30:54 Caller Yeah.

1:30:55 Adam Wow. Through intercourse?

1:30:57 Caller Yeah.

1:30:57 Adam Oh, baby.

1:30:59 Drew Wow.

1:30:59 Adam Sixteen.

1:31:00 Drew Sixteen.

1:31:00 Adam And where is this man?

1:31:02 Caller Oh, I just, I was abused when I was a child. I don't know.

1:31:06 Shawnee Smith Oh, you were sexually abused? Ah. This is that.

1:31:10 Caller I was raped for three years by my older brother.

1:31:12 Adam Well, just three years?

1:31:14 Caller Yeah.

1:31:14 Adam Okay.

1:31:15 Shawnee Smith Well, what happens then is that, like we talked about earlier about people...

1:31:18 Adam Hold on a second. By your biological older brother?

1:31:22 Shawnee Smith It means somebody abused him.

1:31:24 Adam Okay. But hold on. You had sex with your biological older brother?

1:31:29 Caller Well, not by choice.

1:31:31 Adam I don't want to mean... It's not your fault.

1:31:33 Caller Uh-huh.

1:31:34 Adam But what I'm saying is, for three years, you had intercourse with your older brother. And how old were you when this started?

1:31:43 Caller Nine.

1:31:44 Adam And how old was he?

1:31:46 Caller Uh, 11.

1:31:48 Caller Oh, boy.

1:31:49 Adam And what is...

1:31:50 Drew How do a nine and 11 year old...

1:31:52 Adam What's he doing?

1:31:53 Shawnee Smith That's the point. For the 11 year old who initiated this to know how to do this, he had to have been sexually abused by an adult.

1:31:58 Drew Yeah.

1:31:59 Shawnee Smith Or another child who had been sexually abused.

1:32:00 Drew What's your brother's story?

1:32:02 Caller I don't know. He's asleep in the room next to me.

1:32:05 Shawnee Smith Right.

1:32:06 Caller I still live with him.

1:32:07 Adam I see. And what's the family's story?

1:32:10 Caller Nothing. My parents have been married for 20 years.

1:32:12 Adam And did they ever find out about this?

1:32:14 Caller I just told my mom in November.

1:32:16 Shawnee Smith And how did she take that?

1:32:18 Caller She just thinks he...

1:32:21 Drew Well. That's about as far as it went.

1:32:24 Shawnee Smith Did she already know he was messed up?

1:32:26 Caller No. But he's always been physically abused.

1:32:29 Shawnee Smith Did anybody work on getting some treatment for you guys?

1:32:32 Caller No. He doesn't know that I even remember.

1:32:36 Shawnee Smith Yeah, but your mom knows now. And so it's about time you guys get some professional help. Because this is... But what happens again, as we talked earlier, is people getting these repetitions where having been highly aroused in a, you know, power situation, you go out and try to reenact those things. The other thing is that all your feelings become sort of sexualized. And that's why it's so distracting to you. Everything becomes converted into sex.

1:32:55 Caller Yeah, that's the odd thing about my friends get so annoyed.

1:32:58 Adam Hey, listen, Emily, this is not the kind of thing that's going to be able to be swept under the carpet, psychologically.

1:33:08 Shawnee Smith Biologically.

1:33:09 Adam You will have to either deal with it in counseling, or it will be with you and run and be the guiding force in your life for your entire life, whether you know it or not.

1:33:20 Caller You really think so?

1:33:21 Drew Yes, absolutely.

1:33:23 Adam I don't think so. I know so.

1:33:26 Caller I've been put on medication because I thought I was depressed.

1:33:29 Shawnee Smith Well, you probably were, but be that as it may, you've got some serious sort of dynamic issues.

1:33:34 Adam I'm sorry this happened to you, but it has to be dealt with. And your brother needs to be looked at and evaluated as well, because this is the kind of guy who could do a lot of damage.

1:33:46 Caller Everybody thinks he's normal, he's going to the Air Force Academy.

1:33:49 Caller He's going to be in charge of our government.

1:33:51 Adam Well, they don't promote you from private to in charge of the government for at least 18 months, so we don't have to worry about that.

1:34:01 Caller It makes me nervous.

1:34:02 Adam Yeah, thank God he'll have a gun in his hand. Hopefully he'll get hit by some friendly fire or something.

1:34:07 Caller Yeah, I just hope he kind of crashes on the airplane.

1:34:10 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute. That stuff costs taxpayers a lot of money. Let's hope he's stabbed in a bar.

1:34:15 Drew Okay, please, why roll the airplane? What about the 11-year-old that started this?

1:34:19 Adam Million-dollar aircraft.

1:34:21 Drew Like, what about that? I mean, there's not many just purely evil 11-year-olds that like to rape their sisters, right? Like, what happened to him? What started it?

1:34:30 Caller I don't know. I think he found a book or something.

1:34:35 Adam No, unless it was one of those books that was, you know, possessed by spirits.

1:34:39 Caller I've never really thought about it. I honestly don't...

1:34:43 Drew I wonder who did it to him. He's never gonna talk about...

1:34:46 Adam What's up with your dad?

1:34:48 Caller He's completely normal.

1:34:50 Drew Is he in the Air Force?

1:34:52 Caller No.

1:34:52 Adam Is he a very strict guy?

1:34:54 Caller No.

1:34:54 Adam What's he do for a living?

1:34:55 Caller He works at a hospital.

1:34:58 Adam What's he do there?

1:34:59 Caller He's in charge of the materials.

1:35:01 Adam I see. The fabric, paisleys, things like that.

1:35:04 Caller Supplies. He orders like x-ray machines and computers.

1:35:07 Adam I see. All right. Maybe he got a little dose of radiation and did something to his brain and did something weird to the kid. All right. Listen, Emily, you got to talk to your mom and tell her, here's what you have to tell your mom. I know this is painful. I know it's not something you want to hear, and I know it's something you wish would go away, but you know what? It needs to be addressed. And unless, if it's not, if you don't address this and if you don't help me address this, you are being negligent as a parent.

1:35:34 Shawnee Smith I completely agree.

1:35:35 Adam It is, it is, it is, you might as well give you a handgun and tell you to, and a flask.

1:35:41 Shawnee Smith And who knows what else?

1:35:42 Adam And tell you to go out in the woods and go jogging.

1:35:44 Shawnee Smith The older brother may abuse other kids, and Adam, the radiation exposure, everyone knows that makes you grow into a giant.

1:35:49 Adam Oh, oh, not a molester?

1:35:50 Shawnee Smith No.

1:35:51 Adam That's right, so right. Steven?

1:35:55 Shawnee Smith Hello?

1:35:56 Adam You're 15?

1:35:57 Caller Yeah.

1:35:58 Adam What is up?

1:35:58 Shawnee Smith I'm sleepy.

1:36:00 Adam Wake up, buddy.

1:36:01 Caller Yeah, well.

1:36:01 Adam It's been a hole for 90 minutes.

1:36:04 Caller Oh, you're my savior.

1:36:05 Adam Oh, really? You're a genius.

1:36:07 Caller Oh, thank you.

1:36:08 Adam You shaved your pubic hair?

1:36:10 Caller Yeah, and I got like temple.

1:36:12 Adam I see.

1:36:13 Shawnee Smith Ingrown hairs and folliculitis.

1:36:14 Drew Oh, I know what you do for that.

1:36:16 Adam What do you do for that?

1:36:17 Drew It's a, oh, what's it called? It's the stuff in a blue bottle with a gold top razor.

1:36:23 Adam Yeah, you know what it's, no, no, you know what it's called? It's called Ten Skin.

1:36:27 Drew Ten Skin, yeah, T-E-N-D-S-K-I-N.

1:36:31 Adam Yes, Drew was about to spit that out.

1:36:32 Drew Now, why do you know about it?

1:36:33 Adam Because I get a neck rash down here, well, on my neck. That's what I call it, the neck rash.

1:36:39 Drew That stuff really works.

1:36:40 Adam And it works, it works pretty good. You put it on your vagina area?

1:36:44 Drew I try to keep away from there, but...

1:36:46 Adam It sometimes wanders.

1:36:47 Shawnee Smith It's hard, yeah. It's difficult.

1:36:48 Drew Sometimes I just can't stop myself from tingling all over.

1:36:51 Adam It drips from your nipples, gets down there.

1:36:54 Shawnee Smith Nice.

1:36:55 Drew Well, it doesn't start all the way up there.

1:36:57 Adam Tell Ted we'll treat him with more respect.

1:37:00 Shawnee Smith So we're going to get the 10 Skin.

1:37:02 Adam Yeah, I don't know. The stuff all...

1:37:04 Drew This is www.10skin.com.

1:37:07 Adam Oh, with the computers already. Some people like to leave the house on occasion. Steven.

1:37:12 Caller Yeah.

1:37:13 Adam You shaved how long ago?

1:37:14 Caller Like two weeks ago.

1:37:16 Adam Okay. Just give it some time.

1:37:18 Drew Why did you shave your pubic hair?

1:37:19 Adam He's 15. He's full of pit and vinegar.

1:37:21 Drew Just for fun?

1:37:22 Shawnee Smith Just warm water, clean, maybe, you know, endometrial scrubs, physiohex.

1:37:27 Drew No, I'm telling you, this 10 skin works like magic.

1:37:31 Adam Listen, listen, listen, goofball. The 10 skin works if you're going to constantly shave an area. If you shave it and it was two weeks ago and you're not going to shave it again, it's not going to do anything for you.

1:37:44 Drew Then you better just scrub hard.

1:37:45 Adam Yeah, just ride it out. The hairs will grow in, you'll be fine.

1:37:49 Drew Yeah, we'll scrub.

1:37:50 Adam All right, we're going to take ourselves a break. We'll be back after this. All right. Well, there you go. Another fantastic show. I want to thank Shawnee Smith for coming in. You can see her and her band, 5.0, down at the House of Blues on the favorite Sunset Strip Sunday night, 9.30. Then the next night, you can turn on the TV at the same time, 9.30, and see her on Becker, right?

1:38:33 Caller Perfect.

1:38:34 Drew You're a genius.

1:38:35 Adam No. Yes, I am.

1:38:37 Caller Thank you very much.

1:38:39 Adam All righty, y'all.

1:38:40 Shawnee Smith Thanks, Sarah and Anderson.

1:38:42 Adam Yeah, because everyone will be back tomorrow night.

1:38:44 Caller With Tess.

1:38:45 Adam With Ted Danson. So, until next time, Adam Crawford, Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:38:51 Shawnee Smith The same sex feelings I'm having, I want to wish them away.

1:38:55 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, January 3, 2001