Episode 1000754887227

1:50 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

2:06 Adam Well, we're back. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

2:22 Drew Actually, I had fun without you the last time before you left.

2:24 Adam Yeah.

2:24 Drew Before the holidays.

2:25 Adam Me too. Thank you.

2:26 Drew Where'd you go?

2:28 Adam I was at a Michael Ovitz Christmas party.

2:32 Drew Oh my goodness.

2:33 Adam Judging a talent contest that never ended.

2:36 Drew What?

2:37 Adam Oh, it was painful. Yeah. Very long. Yeah.

2:41 Drew Christmas party?

2:42 Adam Yeah. It was a business thing.

2:45 Drew Interesting.

2:45 Adam You know what people do at Christmas parties? I think the number one mistake of employees at Christmas parties? They-

2:52 Drew Put on a show.

2:54 Adam That's the number two mistake. Number one mistake actually is combined with the number two mistake, which is have a few too many high balls and chat up the boss. You know what I mean?

3:05 Drew Yeah.

3:06 Adam Because the work environment is a fairly structured environment with a hierarchy. People know their place. The sun is shining, there's phones ringing, there's fax machines going off, people are wearing suit and tie sometimes, and there's a certain protocol. And then the Christmas party rolls around, and the employees have a couple of cocktails.

3:29 Drew They lose their ass.

3:30 Adam And they start laughing it up a little, they smoke a little weed in the bathroom or something, and then they go talk to the boss. And what they don't really realize is they're still kind of on the clock. I mean, I think as a boss, you never really stop evaluating somebody who's working for you. Even if they're wearing sweatpants, and even if it's at a TGIF Fridays or something, and it's a Saturday night, and you guys are tilting a few beers, there's still certain rules that apply. I think people make a mistake in their business, in their career, by getting a little heated and going and chewing the fat with the boss sometimes, telling them a few things that maybe they didn't need to know.

4:11 Drew Did you say something, or were you standing there while somebody said something to him?

4:13 Adam No, the whole, who would I say this party was? Mike Obitz? Yeah, he's a pretty big wheel in this town, and it was a Christmas, well, it was his new company, and it was a Christmas talent show, and me and my partner Jimmy were judging the talent show, and then they'd started to turn into a little bit of a roast at a certain point. You know, and after a while I just thought, hey, you guys, you guys going back to work Monday, or what's going on? But it was about four hours long, and...

4:48 Drew How was your Christmas?

4:49 Adam That was fine, no problems at all.

4:51 Drew Cranberry sauce? Excuse me, I didn't mean to say that.

4:54 Adam Let me tell you, the Corollas eat in a sort of deli buffet style for Christmas, which I never...

5:02 Drew It's baloney cheese.

5:04 Adam I swear to God, it might as well just be a Superbowl party.

5:10 Drew My wife made a beautiful goose.

5:12 Adam Oh my, I went to my dad's house last night, he had like some, I swear to God, like a pimento loaf spread out, and some turkey, some Lewis Rich turkey, and some beans, and it was, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't Thanksgiving. I mean, it wasn't Christmas. I was looking at this spread, thinking to myself, for Christ's sake, I go down the street to the subway, I get this, in March. The hell do I need to drive across town to look at these cold cuts for? But the Corollas are simple people. So we had that, and it was anticlimactic. I didn't go anywhere, I didn't get too many great gifts. Although, I'll tell you, now that you're, you know, when you're in the business, gifts start showing up at your house. You know what I'm talking about, Drew?

6:02 Drew I know you had that Panasonic CD, DVD player last year.

6:06 Adam That's right. Know what I got? I got a digital camera this year. From whom? The Mike Ovitz people. Nice.

6:13 Drew What?

6:14 Adam I don't know what the hell to do with it, but it's good. Figure I can sell it for a lot.

6:18 Drew Oh my God.

6:20 Adam Just sit around like Nintendo games and stuff showing up.

6:22 Drew What have you guys done for him? Nothing.

6:24 Adam Well, we judged his Christmas party.

6:27 Drew Oh my God.

6:28 Adam Yeah, it was nice. Oh my God. Yeah, that was about it. All right. So we're back. I was thinking all last week, man, do I miss Loveline? Because not only did I miss last week, but I missed the last day of the last week before. So it felt like a long time for me. But then tonight about nine o'clock when I was on the sofa, I said, Jesus Christ, I got to do that piece of ass show again. Although I'd been chomping at the bed all week. So I'm ready to rock and roll here, Drew. Drew, you had a good Christmas.

6:55 Drew Very nice.

6:56 Adam You went skiing. Everything was good.

6:58 Drew Yeah, wonderful.

6:59 Adam All right.

7:01 Drew Amanda.

7:02 Adam Amanda, you're 17.

7:04 Caller Yes, ma'am.

7:04 Adam What's up?

7:05 Caller OK. First of all, I was wondering if the morning after pillow is available in Oregon.

7:12 Drew I'm sure it is. It's available everywhere.

7:14 Caller Oh, it is? OK, that I didn't know. And also I was wondering, do you know about how much it is?

7:19 Drew I think it's about $20.

7:20 Adam You need a prescription, though, right?

7:22 Caller Oh, you do?

7:23 Adam Yeah, that's what she's talking about.

7:24 Drew Oh, you mean, can you get it without prescription?

7:27 Caller Can you? I don't know. That's what I'm wondering.

7:28 Drew I doubt it. I think Oregon had some sort of pilot program going, but I don't think you can routinely get it available. You might try, they have a sort of non, what is it, a toll-free number, 1-888-not-NOT, number 2, late, L-A-T-E, 1-888-not-too-late. Do you understand this works by, it's not an abortion pill, right?

7:49 Okay.

7:50 Drew You understand it just suppresses ovulation. Another article in the, I think it was doing the journal, no, it was, Annals came out today.

7:56 Adam Yeah, I got that.

7:59 Drew About how safe this is and how the reduction in pregnancy rates are extremely, extremely high.

8:04 Adam Yeah, I read a similar article in JAMA over the weekend. That's nice, I appreciate that. Bob, I mean Rob.

8:10 Drew Glad you're keeping up on your reading.

8:11 Adam You're 14, what's up?

8:13 Caller First of all, I want to tell you, first, long-time listener, first-time caller.

8:17 Adam Thank you.

8:18 Caller And I got a question.

8:19 I got your book this Christmas.

8:21 Caller And I saw that Drew said that meeting girls on the internet was no good.

8:26 Adam You got our book as a gift?

8:28 Caller Yep.

8:29 Adam Really? Oh, yeah. Wow.

8:31 Caller Oh, yeah.

8:31 Adam What a caring, thoughtful gift. Very much so.

8:35 Drew I'm not sure I'd say it was a bad idea so much as that it was infused with fantasy, and I'm concerned about it. And that you never know who the hell you're dealing with the other end of the line, and people sort of project so much of their own crap onto those internet relationships that there should be a sort of a specified period of time during which people interact in the internet before they meet in person, and it should be relatively short, like a few days or a couple weeks maybe. Because beyond that, it's not a relationship, it's a fantasy. Two people aren't actually meeting.

9:03 Adam Rob, did you meet somebody on the internet? Yeah, I met a couple girls. Yeah? How's that going?

9:09 All right.

9:10 Caller The first one was kind of a nut job.

9:12 Drew The other thing, well, you didn't know that, and they would suppose you kept that relationship going for years and built it into something more than it actually was. The other thing, people need to be near each other. If you're outside of a one-hour radius, off limits.

9:24 Adam Especially at 14.

9:25 Drew Yeah.

9:26 Adam I mean, that's the problem. Here's the inherent problem with the internet as far as I can tell. I think most people are going to take the path of least resistance. I know they will. That's human nature, especially at 14. I mean, do your own homework or have somebody finish it for you, hand it to you Monday morning before you head in. What is every single 15-year-old or 14-year-old going to do? What is anybody going to do? You know what I mean? I mean, you'd never do it. And if I had any alternative other than look a girl in the eye and ask her if I could go over to her house and mow her lawns sometime, which was my way of asking them out.

10:06 Drew Detailing the car, too, right?

10:07 Adam Detailing the car. Those who had a permit. Sometimes I have to do the folkscock. The point is, is anything other than go through that gut-wrenching experience, I would have done it, but there was no other way to do it.

10:19 Drew Now you've got the internet.

10:20 Adam Now you have the internet, and I don't blame all the awkward, shy, and whatever 14, 15-year-olds for going that route. It's just an easier, it's less resistance.

10:29 Drew And ultimately, it can't be that healthy. Ultimately, you have to learn the social skills, right? Necessary to date and meet people.

10:36 Adam Yeah, but maybe you can be eased into them a little better that way.

10:40 Drew Yeah, yeah, anyway.

10:41 Adam Dustin?

10:42 Yeah?

10:43 Adam You're 15?

10:44 Caller Yeah.

10:44 Adam What's up?

10:45 Caller Well, first of all, I want to say that I seen Dr. Drew on TV Guide Channel.

10:50 Drew Recently? Yeah. Really?

10:52 Caller Yeah. Christmas Eve. Wow.

10:55 Drew Those interviews were done like over a year ago.

10:58 Caller Yeah, they showed that.

10:58 Drew That's interesting.

10:59 And my question is that I called in a couple of weeks ago.

11:02 Adam Yeah. Let me say something. Once in a while, I catch Drew on some show. Drew doesn't talk much about his career. He complains about it, but he doesn't really talk much about it, in a sort of back and forth dialogue kind of way.

11:14 Drew I don't talk about the big parties I go to. Drew could...

11:18 Adam Yes. You don't brag about...

11:19 Drew The important people I know.

11:20 Adam I was doing Blow with Ovitz in a van a week ago, Thursday. No, Drew does Politically Incorrect. He comes in here that night, and he doesn't say he did it, or he does a phoner with the Jenny Jones or something. He doesn't say what he does, but sometimes I turn the TV on late night, and there's Drew, part of a panel somewhere on TV. And I always think, oh, hey, Drew's on, I better watch this. And then about a minute goes by, and I go, what the F do I care what Drew has to say? I'm going to see him later. And then I change it.

11:51 Drew I don't think... They seem to play this stuff over and over and over again, too, which is really bizarre.

11:55 Adam All right. Go ahead now, Destin.

11:56 Okay.

11:58 Well, I called in about how I crack my penis.

12:01 Drew Yeah.

12:01 Adam Right.

12:02 Yeah. Well, it went from a cracking to more like a popping sound.

12:05 Drew Yeah.

12:05 Adam Same thing.

12:06 It is?

12:07 Adam Yeah.

12:08 And well, it's starting to hurt now.

12:10 Drew Yeah.

12:11 Adam Well, get off it for a little bit.

12:14 Drew Are you sort of intentionally making it make that noise?

12:16 Caller No.

12:18 Adam Well, how is it making that noise?

12:19 Caller I...

12:20 Drew It just happens automatically.

12:22 Adam Well, you have to have an erection, right? And then you have to apply some downward pressure on the penis?

12:28 Caller Sort of, yeah.

12:30 Adam All right.

12:30 Drew Avoid that for a while.

12:31 Adam Can you avoid that?

12:32 Caller Uh, yeah, I guess.

12:33 Drew All right. It's a tendon.

12:35 Adam Thank you, genius.

12:35 Drew It's a ligament, rather. It can get inflamed just like any other ligament or tendon, so don't overuse it.

12:40 Adam You can't avoid trying to tuck your erect penis between your legs. Do you know what I'm saying?

12:46 Drew Yeah.

12:46 Adam Of course you can. Hey, Drew.

12:48 Yeah.

12:50 Adam I want you to be perfectly honest. Have you ever got an erection? Now, just watch me.

12:55 Drew No, I don't want to watch. I really don't want to.

12:57 Adam Have you ever got an erection and taken your... I'm going to take my shoe off because I want you to see my heel. Oh, man.

13:03 Drew My feet.

13:06 Adam Take your erection and hold it down with the heel of your foot.

13:09 Drew Honestly?

13:09 Adam Yes.

13:10 Drew No.

13:12 Adam Really? You've never had an erection and took your heel up, tucked your heel up and pushed it down on the end of your penis and held your penis.

13:19 There's so many other ways to push it down.

13:20 Why your heel?

13:22 Adam Let's say your hands were tied up.

13:24 Drew If my hands were tied up, I would consider my heel.

13:26 Adam Let's say you're on a potter's wheel.

13:28 What?

13:29 Adam You're like throwing a vase on a potter's wheel and you're handing erection. Not me. I'm just... I never did... Please, the temerity to accuse me of doing this.

13:40 Drew Never used a potter's wheel.

13:41 Adam So you've never taken your heel and put on your wrecked penis?

13:44 Drew No. I don't think my legs could do that.

13:46 Adam You don't think you'd get your heel to your wrecked penis? Or you think so? I think you could.

13:51 Drew I'd have to be like...

13:52 Adam Hold on. Listen, I saw your penis in that airport in Cincinnati, in Wisconsin. Yeah. You don't have to bend your knee that much to get to it. Believe me. Drew's hung, everybody. Shanna?

14:06 Yeah?

14:07 Adam You're 21.

14:08 Caller Yes.

14:08 Adam Yeah. What's up?

14:10 Caller I'm a junkie. I'm starting out on heroin. And I have been for like almost four years. And I've tried everything to get off it. I mean, everything from like the lowest of the low, like methadone maintenance, all the way up to like the ultra rapid detox. And nothing works.

14:27 Drew What do you mean nothing works?

14:29 Caller I mean nothing works.

14:30 Drew Well, you go, you use again. What do you think is going to happen?

14:34 Caller Well, I mean, I'm still sick. Even when I got out of rapid detox, I went to Chapman. And when they woke me up.

14:42 Drew I've had a lot of experience with rapid detoxes.

14:44 Caller Well, yeah. Well, they woke me up. You probably heard about my case. Because they woke me up. And I tried to stand up. And this was like a few years ago when it wasn't that common before, you know. I tried to stand up and I couldn't walk. They had to keep me there for like 12 days. And they said that never happened to anyone.

15:01 Drew Well, it happens all the time. Yeah, it's a very common people. The rapid, this is a sort of every opiate addict in the world is trying to find an easier, sort of softer way off the drug. And they're very focused on the notion that getting off the drug will end their addiction, when of course it never does. People who get off obits are still left with this incredible empty pain, a feeling of loss.

15:21 Adam Well, they want to figure out a way to get off it without the withdrawals.

15:24 Drew Without the pain, but there is no way.

15:26 Adam But they look at that as a barrier or a hurdle. Like if they can just get over this week or two, or whatever it is with the withdrawals, if they could get past that phase, then they'd be home free.

15:38 Drew Yeah, and it's not like that. In fact, that's the easiest part.

15:40 Adam How does the rapid withdrawal work?

15:43 Drew They put you under anesthesia and they basically saturate your system with an opiate blocking agent. That if you were awake would give you such awful withdrawal. I mean, we don't even know what would happen. It would be just horrible withdrawals. People could not tolerate that. But in the state of anesthesia, they can take over and shock the system into a rapid withdrawal, which is theoretically what's happening, that the receptors are reconfigurating from the saturation with an opiate blocking agent. You wake up and supposedly you're off to opiates, but I've had a lot of experience with these now, and I basically don't treat them anymore, because they end up just like Shanna. They can't walk. They're confused. They feel awful.

16:18 Adam How many days is it normally?

16:20 Drew Normal heroin withdrawal is five to seven days.

16:23 Adam That's normal heroin withdrawal? Yeah. Meaning the day after I quit, 12 hours after I stopped, eight hours, depending on how it was, after I stopped doing heroin.

16:34 Drew You start detoxing, yeah.

16:35 Adam I mean, almost immediately.

16:36 Drew Yes.

16:37 Adam It would take about five days.

16:39 Drew Five to seven days to get through the heat of it, yeah.

16:42 Adam Right. But this way, when they put you under, how long does it last?

16:45 Drew Four hours, but believe me, people aren't right for at least a week afterwards.

16:49 It's so awful.

16:50 Adam So the opiate blocking stuff or the stuff they inject in you, it just sort of accelerates the whole process.

16:57 Drew Theoretically, but really, it doesn't work that well. There's a lot of controversy about it, not just whether or not it works and what happens to people afterwards, because of course, they still need a very intensive treatment program in order to actually remit this disease. The people who invented this process in Israel believe that people are doing it incorrectly over here. There's all kinds of issues pertaining to this. I am not impressed.

17:18 Adam They have this for pornography?

17:21 Drew With ultra rapid porno withdrawal?

17:23 Adam Yeah.

17:25 Drew I don't think so.

17:26 Adam I've been looking to cut back a little bit later. Why? I've been chipping. Oh, whoa. Chipping on my own penis.

17:31 Drew What is motivating you? What kind of bottom have you reached here? Why?

17:35 Adam Just been thinking of cutting back.

17:36 Drew But no, no, no. Wait a minute. This doesn't happen without a reason. No, no, no. Consequence. What happened?

17:40 Adam No, nothing. I'm just-

17:41 Drew I'm buddies, the law.

17:43 Adam I've been getting a little out of control because I've been working much. I've got a lot of time at home.

17:48 Drew The money span.

17:49 Adam Weather's a little colder, gets darker earlier. So that's an extra three times a day.

17:53 Drew I stand out of control.

17:54 Adam Do you understand?

17:55 Drew Yeah, but what is the-

17:56 Adam It's dark at like 445 now.

17:58 Drew What is the consequences motivating you?

18:00 Adam Who, what, where? Nothing. Just been looking to cut back.

18:04 Adam So what's Shauna got to- Wait a minute, who are we talking to?

18:06 Drew Two, one, two.

18:07 Adam Oh yeah, Shauna. What's she got to do?

18:09 Drew Shauna?

18:10 Caller Yeah?

18:10 Drew You got to go somewhere and spend some time.

18:13 Caller What about, what about buponics?

18:15 Drew No, please. There is no easy way off opiates.

18:19 Caller Oh, man.

18:20 Drew Okay, you know you've been on methadone. That doesn't work either, right?

18:23 Caller Well, no, but that's different.

18:25 Drew It's not different. That's another easier way off. You got to go somewhere, a very highly structured environment where you put yourself for a couple months. That's what you got to do.

18:34 Caller Where can I go?

18:36 Drew Check out, where do you live?

18:39 Caller I'm kind of between places, but I guess in the valley.

18:42 Drew Check out Impact House in Pasadena. A lot of opiate addicts. Impact, okay?

18:46 Caller Impact, got it. Thank you.

18:48 Adam Alright, Shannon, good luck.

18:50 Drew And also on my website.

18:51 Adam And try Drew's website, www.

18:55 Drew drdrew.com. We have a bunch of resources there in the sort of sites we like and the resources we like area.

19:01 Adam Let me tell you something, Drew, about pornography for a second. And explain how this monster works. You know, I was, now what band did we have in here about two or three weeks ago when we were singing the theme to Taboo II?

19:18 Drew Oh.

19:20 Adam What the hell band was that? Oh, that was System of a Down.

19:26 Drew Oh, yeah.

19:26 Adam Right. Okay. I'll tell you, I'm a quick thinker tonight, Drew. System of a Down was in here three weeks ago. And we were talking about Taboo II. We were even singing the theme song.

19:38 Drew I remember.

19:39 Adam Feels so good.

19:39 Drew No, I remember. Once was enough. Thank you.

19:41 Caller Whoa.

19:44 Adam I mean, I know that song better than I know, like, Happy Birthday. And and this is a this is a porno movie that I got that my buddy the Wheeze had.

19:54 Drew No, you waxed poetic.

19:54 Adam The first porno movie I ever saw. And let me tell you, we got a lot. A lot of you kids listening 15, 16, 17. There's some porn movie that you're wearing out right now. It's your older brothers or it's yours or you have one or two. You don't have much in your arsenal and you're using it. You're abusing it. And one day you'll trade it away for next to nothing because you'll be tired of it. But I swear to God, that thing, it's like an old Duesenberg that they find in a farmhouse. You know, when you turn 35, that thing is going to be worth more than gold to you. And I've been looking for this taboo too.

20:28 Drew Is it because it was your first notion of woman? Woman.

20:32 Adam Other than my mom, yeah. And I know I just, I miss it. My scrotum misses it.

20:39 Drew You had a real relationship with it.

20:40 Adam It was my first real relationship. And all relationships have paled in comparison since my relationship with taboo too at 18.

20:48 Drew The toothbrush.

20:49 Adam In a half.

20:50 Drew Taboo too.

20:50 Adam That's right. So, no, this is even a few years after that because you got to understand, I grew up in a house, I didn't, we didn't have VCRs. I grew up in a time we didn't have VCRs. No one had a point, like my buddy Ray, his brother had a stag movie on eight millimeter. Ray said to me the other day, hey, remember we watched that stag movie on eight millimeter? I said yeah. He said whatever happened to that? I said, well, I kept the film and he said, why did you keep it? You didn't have a movie projector. I said, I held it up to a light. Eight millimeters, eight millimeters everybody. Eight millimeters is less than two thirds of an inch. Eight millimeters is 15 sixteenths.

21:35 Drew You probably went on a quest for a magnifying glass.

21:38 Adam I held that goddamn eight millimeter black and white movie up to the light in my bathroom. That's how starved for porn. That's how tough it was. I'm going to tell my kid that story. Eight millimeters is this much, Drew, the thickness of a pencil.

21:54 Drew Yeah. Why am I such a loser?

21:57 Adam That's what I did, a closing one eye, trying to hold still. So anyway, I thought about the Taboo 2. I realized that I think John from System of a Down told me that if I gave him a buzz, he'd get that Taboo 2 out.

22:13 Drew Yeah, he did say that.

22:14 Adam Yeah. I'm pissed off because I called him like two weeks ago. I left him a message and I said, John, this is Adam, I left my home address, my phone number, send that Taboo 2 out. I mean, because I need it. And then once it was like pizza, you know, I was like, once you decide that that's what you're going to eat that night, then there's nothing that can talk you out of it. And if you can't get it, you're just damned. Like you feel like you want to kill yourself. So a couple of days went by, I figured it's going to take three or four days to get this movie in the mail. Then it was like a Thursday night. It was like one in the morning. It was freezing outside. I was in my underpants. I was in my bed and I decided I'm not having myself tonight. I'm going to bed. I'm turning in. This is it. I'm tired. I got a big day tomorrow.

23:03 Drew A story from Lake Willbegon.

23:05 Adam A lot of it has to do with the laundry schedule too. I got all my laundries down in the basement in the washing machine. I got no hamper. I got a barren hamper. It's freezing cold. I'm in the covers. I'm going to bed. A very rare decision to go to bed. Then I started lying there and I thought, when did I call John? I called John on Monday. When I checked the mail last, man, it's been like two days, I thought to myself. I checked the mail on Wednesday. Jesus, that thing could have showed up today. I didn't look at the mail today, I was thinking to myself. I called him Monday and I'm doing this Colombo type math. He probably got the message Monday late in the evening, and sat on it for a day or two, but then got it out to the mail probably on a Tuesday or Wednesday. Now, it takes a couple of days to get to the house. Thursday, Friday, it's Friday. I'm Ben, I haven't checked the mail for two days, and I'm lying there. Now, I live, I'm upstairs, and my mailbox is a good 475 stairs before I am, and it's practically snowing outside. And I've got the alarm turned on, and I'm in my underpants, and the lights are all off and everything.

24:14 Drew You go down.

24:15 Adam I lay there and wrestle with it for about 40 seconds, and then I'm up with the slippers and the bathrobe, and deactivate the alarm and get the flashlight and everything. And I'm trucking down the stairs at 1 in the morning. Get to the mailbox, fling the mailbox open, pull out a few flyers from Home Depot, and then feel that emptiness, that void of porn, that hollow, that hollow empty feeling when there's no porn in the mailbox.

24:45 Drew I feel like I'm being off heroin, too. Same feeling.

24:48 Adam Remember?

24:48 Drew Remember we talked about that?

24:51 Adam Now I'm out in the freezing cold with my bathrobe and bunny slippers and there's nothing in the mailbox. Son of a bitch. All right.

25:00 Drew Hey, you notice we don't have our coffee tonight.

25:01 Adam Yeah. We're going to have to get that.

25:02 Drew Let's go take care of that.

25:03 Adam All right. And still, the movie is not showing up. So if anyone from System of a Down is listening, or John, or anybody from the band, please, please get that movie. We can run it over to the studio now, would you please? I mean, this is a form of torture. It really is. Okay. We'll be back after this. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. And let's get back to the phones, because that is the show. Steve?

26:03 Caller Yeah?

26:04 Adam You're 14.

26:05 Caller Hey, what's going on, man?

26:06 Adam Wow. You sound old for 14.

26:08 Caller All right, thanks.

26:09 All right.

26:09 Drew Just a compliment, you're 14.

26:11 Caller Well, gotta say, love The Man Show, man. It's awesome.

26:14 Adam Thank you.

26:15 Drew How's it doing?

26:16 Adam I don't know. It's doing good.

26:17 Caller Yeah.

26:17 Adam I guess. All right. It's doing good.

26:20 Caller This site's great, man.

26:21 Drew Oh, you saw it. Thanks. Yeah. Well, log on to those. You gotta check out, the thing I'm most excited about, besides the fact we have this amazing staff, is these...

26:28 Adam Is Asian Investors.

26:30 Drew No, the webcast. We do these, we do this once or twice a week, these live broadcasts where I get to interview celebrities and they talk about all kinds of stuff.

26:38 Adam This week, they're gonna have the sock puppet that Bobcat Goldthwait does the voice for on Happily Ever After.

26:45 Drew No, no.

26:46 Adam No?

26:48 Drew No.

26:48 Adam Worse booking than that? OK, Steve.

26:51 Drew It's a musician. I don't know these people very well. John Ozakai?

26:55 Adam John Ozakai. I don't know who that is. Steve?

26:59 Caller Yeah.

27:00 Adam Go ahead.

27:01 Caller All right, well, like two weeks ago, my mom walks in on me and my girlfriend making out. And we weren't doing anything really. We were just kissing and stuff. But since then, my girlfriend just completely avoided me.

27:15 Drew Have you talked to her about it at all?

27:17 Caller I can't. She just, I mean, she just completely avoids me.

27:20 Drew Was your mom awful to her in some way?

27:23 Caller No, I mean, because my mom, my mom really didn't know her all that much. We'd only been going out for like a month or so.

27:28 Drew Well, maybe this was just an excuse. You think that would, if she were into him, you think this would be a date breaker? No.

27:34 Adam No. This doesn't have that much to do with your mom walking in.

27:38 Caller Well, I mean.

27:41 Drew In other words, there's something else going on in this relationship.

27:44 Adam Let me give you a little example, Steve-O.

27:46 Caller All right.

27:47 Adam Steve-O Reno. When I was young, I had my baby teeth and they were falling out, just like everyone else's baby teeth fall out. I don't know when you start losing them at nine or 10 or whatever.

28:00 Drew What did you bit into an apple?

28:01 Adam No. Rice Krispies. Oh, yeah. When the tooth came out. So I figured the reason the tooth came out was the Rice Krispies. So each time after that, when I got a loose tooth that was about time to come out, I ate Rice Krispies. Naturally, no more teeth fell out because of the Rice Krispies. It just happened to be timing that I was eating Rice Krispies when it fell out and I needed to attribute it to something.

28:27 Drew Make meaning.

28:28 Adam Your girlfriend may have been done with you in the relationship and you may have made meaning out of this by connecting it to your mom walking in on YouTube Making Out. But the fact that she won't talk to you anymore just because your mom walked in on YouTube Making Out suggests that she was done with the relationship more than she was freaked out by mom.

28:48 Caller All right.

28:49 Adam You know what I'm saying, Steve? I think you know that, don't you?

28:53 Caller Sort of.

28:53 Adam Well, what did your mom do? Did she throw something at her?

28:57 Caller My mom, I don't know, she just did a real quick turnaround.

29:02 Drew Which wasn't awful to her. No, it wasn't.

29:04 Adam Your mom didn't do anything.

29:05 Drew Did your girlfriend run out of the room crying and never look back?

29:08 Caller My girlfriend freaked after my mom left. I mean.

29:13 Adam Were you violating her with a bowling pin or something? Or were you just making out?

29:17 Caller No, like I said, we were just kissing or something.

29:19 Adam All right. So there's no logical reason why your girlfriend would end this relationship based on that event.

29:25 Caller No.

29:27 Caller Like I said, I talked to her friends and they're not giving me any answers or anything.

29:31 Adam Yeah. Okay. It's over, Steve.

29:33 Caller All right.

29:34 Adam You got to leave her alone. I'm sorry, brother, but that's the proof.

29:37 Drew That's your only play, right?

29:37 Adam Yeah.

29:38 Drew Whether she's done or not, that's your only move.

29:40 Adam It's your only strategy. Yeah. You know, remember when relationships could end and you wouldn't talk about it and you wouldn't know why?

29:49 Drew Right.

29:49 Adam Those were the good old days. You mean like my first girlfriend, Esther Chilidenko. When our relationship, you know, like I was like in the seventh grade or something.

30:05 Drew She was just gone.

30:06 Adam People are like, so what happened? I was like, I don't know. Well, what? Why did you guys break up? I don't know. I don't know if we broke up. I we still could technically still be together. We could possibly be going together for the last 27 years. I didn't know it, but I don't even know. I don't remember having a conversation. It was just that was it. That was the one, by the way, who said it was between me and my friend, Chris, and she chose me, and all her friends thought she was nuts.

30:34 Drew But she did it anyway.

30:35 Adam I really don't know why she had to tank that on, you know? Jessica?

30:41 Drew Yeah, hello?

30:42 Adam Near 16, what's up?

30:44 Drew Yep.

30:44 Can I ask Dr. Drew a quick question first?

30:46 Drew Yep, go ahead.

30:47 Adam All my friends think I'm nuts. What kind of decorum is that?

30:50 Drew What is that out of it-ness that we deal with so often here, right, isn't it?

30:53 Adam Does anyone want to hear that?

30:54 Drew No, they have no awareness of the impact they have on other people.

30:57 Adam I just had to make you my boyfriend, all my friends think I'm nuts.

31:01 Drew Jesus Christ. She's honest anyway.

31:03 Adam I know, my man.

31:05 Drew Jessica?

31:07 Okay, well 500 milligrams of tetracillin turn your teeth yellow? That's what my uncle said.

31:13 Drew Yeah, if you're at a young age, tetracycline, if you're sort of developing, if you're growing your permanent teeth.

31:20 Well, would that turn my teeth yellow?

31:21 Drew It certainly can. How old are you? 16, all your teeth are in, so not likely.

31:26 Not likely?

31:27 Drew In fact, it's used as a treatment for acne in your age all the time.

31:30 Okay, so, but it won't turn my teeth yellow.

31:32 Drew No, it's actually permanently incorporated, or at least long term incorporated into bone.

31:36 Adam Why did you take it? Well, so here's the deal. If you take the tetracycline before your big teeth, your old teeth, your permanent teeth, your grandparent teeth come in, then they could turn yellow as they're coming in.

31:52 Drew Yeah, they're growing.

31:54 Adam Uh-huh, but if they're already in and you take it, it won't do it.

31:57 Drew It's not likely to do it, no.

31:58 Adam Interesting, and it's stored in your bone?

32:00 Drew Yeah.

32:00 Adam In your penis?

32:02 Drew No, bone, not boner.

32:03 Adam Oh, okay, yeah, I feel stupid. Jessica?

32:07 Yes?

32:08 Adam Yeah, do you have an eating disorder?

32:10 Drew Yeah.

32:11 Oh, I wouldn't really call it an disorder. I'm just trying to lose weight because I tried running and exercising and that wasn't working too well.

32:18 Adam Right.

32:18 But I'm just wondering, one of my friends said you could die from making yourself vomit.

32:23 Drew About 20 percent of the time.

32:25 Adam So you're running, exercise, running, and diet weren't helping so you're into purging and laxatives now?

32:33 What do you mean pills? No, I don't take pills for it. Those pills are just so I don't have to ever deal with the zit.

32:39 Adam I see. Well, I guess everyone's concerned with their looks at 16, aren't they? But she is sort of overly, excessively concerned. Are you throwing up?

32:50 Drew Yeah. How often? That is a profound eating disorder then, right?

32:54 After eating every meal.

32:56 Adam Every meal?

32:57 Yeah.

32:58 Drew Jessica, why would you not have considered that an eating disorder?

33:02 Well, because it's an eating disorder if you do it for a real long time. I've only done it for like a week and I'm only going to do it until I lose some weight.

33:08 Adam That's what I said 14 years ago.

33:11 Drew This is a very serious deal.

33:12 Adam Do you understand?

33:14 No, it's not a serious deal. I'm not going to be one of those really 102 skinny girls.

33:19 Adam OK. Well, what are you weighing in now?

33:22 130.

33:23 Adam Yeah, how tall are you?

33:24 Caller 5'6.

33:26 Adam That's perfect, right?

33:28 No.

33:28 Adam What do you want to get down to?

33:30 115.

33:31 Adam 5'6, and 130 is good.

33:34 Drew That's right.

33:35 Adam Yeah, that's nice. Little light for the black guys, actually. But that's perfect for the, you date white guys? Yeah. That's perfect. Perfect. Listen, 115 and 5'6, that's a little spindly. You understand?

33:51 Drew You're not going to sustain that weight, and then what you're going to do is keep vomiting as a way of sustaining it.

33:56 Adam Let me explain something to the ladies out there. This whole getting skinny thing, this is for fashion designers and homos and other chicks. It ain't for what I like to call red blooded guys. It ain't for us red blooded guys. It ain't. Every guy I know likes a woman with a little ass on her, and a little hip on her, and a little penis in her.

34:26 Drew Momma number five?

34:28 Adam They do. Smaller guys, even small guys like that. You see a guy who's 5'7, a 125, 130 pounds, he's with a 145 pound woman and digging it. He's climbing that mountain every night. Guys like, now I don't necessarily say they like 170 pounds, but they do not mind a little ass on him at all. This whole 5'6, this whole sort of built like a teenage boy thing, this sort of the beginnings of puberty, teenage boy thing, not attractive to guys.

35:07 Drew Well, theoretically, it's not sort of a child bearing weight. You're not weighing in a child bearing sort of range at that point. And if we are biological beings, we should be more attracted to the potential reproduction implied by somebody with a little bit more...

35:25 Adam No, well, listen, guys are... Here's the deal. Listen, if I want that, I'll rape one of my friend's kid brothers. Again. Yikes. Do you know what I'm saying?

35:37 Drew Again.

35:38 Adam I mean, guys want a little hip on a woman. Yeah, yeah.

35:41 Drew They got it. They got it. They got it.

35:46 Adam Not me, though. I like that broomstick with the fake boobies.

35:48 Drew You're getting a little bit of a heart attack here. Wow.

35:51 Adam But I'm saying that most guys like that.

35:53 Drew Yeah.

35:54 Adam All right. So knock it off, you crazy broads. Brandy. Hello.

35:57 Drew Also, let me be really clear about it, Jessica. That is how eating disorders start. That is an eating disorder.

36:02 Adam Throwing up after every meal.

36:03 Drew That's a good start. And you can do yourself irreparable harm in a very short order.

36:08 Adam Brandy.

36:09 Hello.

36:09 Adam You're 17?

36:10 Caller Yeah.

36:10 Adam What's up?

36:12 Caller I'm a longtime listener, first time caller.

36:15 Adam Great.

36:15 Caller I want to say I love you guys.

36:16 Adam Thank you.

36:18 Caller My question is, is my mom is menopausing? And it's making my life hell.

36:23 Drew It's a new verb we created. It's good.

36:24 Adam It's menopausing.

36:25 Caller I like that.

36:25 Drew I like it. Yeah.

36:26 Caller Yeah. So.

36:28 Drew Yeah.

36:29 Caller Anyways. But it's just like, my question is like, it's, in a way it's affecting me is like my mom just like, she just yells at me and tells me, oh, I can't do this and whatever.

36:41 Drew So she's very, very irritable.

36:43 Caller Yeah. Very.

36:44 Drew Well, mood disturbances during menopause are very common. What? Go ahead. She just walk in the room?

36:53 Caller Huh?

36:54 Drew She just walk in the room?

36:55 Caller No. But I met my friends. The thing is like, if I ask my mom to, my mom thinks I'm too old to spend the night with friends and. She, I don't know. I think it's just part of that because this sounds really dumb. But it's, it just, I don't know. She just started.

37:12 Adam Hey, Brandy. Yeah. Listen, we got junkies on hold. You understand?

37:17 Drew Yeah. Well, let's talk a little bit about menopause though, because your mom may have a real significant mood disturbance. And first of all, why isn't she going on estrogen replacement? People don't go through menopause anymore. We only get put on estrogen and their bodies, normal estrogen levels get restored. That prevents heart disease, Alzheimer's, stroke, osteoporosis. Absolutely no reason, it's absurd for women not to take estrogen replacement.

37:40 Adam What about that primarin?

37:42 Drew That's estrogen replacement.

37:43 Adam That's the one they take?

37:44 Drew Yeah, that's one of them. And if that doesn't restore her mood, then she should have her depression treated. And this irritability is really one of the most significant features of depression we're seeing these days. So there you go.

37:55 Adam Yeah, okay.

37:57 Drew Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah.

37:58 Adam Hey, Michelle.

37:59 Caller Yes.

38:00 Adam You're 23?

38:01 Caller Yes.

38:02 I have a question for Dr. Drew.

38:03 Adam Yeah. Oh, hold on a second. Hold on. I need a little more of a tease going into the break here. Victoria?

38:11 Yes.

38:11 Adam You're 19?

38:12 Caller Yes.

38:13 Adam And your boyfriend's never had an orgasm during sex?

38:16 Caller No, he's not my boyfriend. He's just a really close friend.

38:19 Adam Oh, okay. Your, your buddy.

38:21 Caller Well, because the first time we had sex, he didn't come. So, and I was just like, okay, well, maybe he's nervous. Then we had sex again and he didn't. And by like the fourth time, I started asking him what's going on. And then I'm not pleasing you. Is there something wrong? And he was just like, no, you know, I've never been able to come while having sex with, you know, with having intercourse with a girl. And I was like, well, have you ever been with a guy? And he said, no. He said that he masturbated like too much before he lost his virginity. And that was like one of my questions to wonder if like the reason why, if the reason why he can't come during intercourse is because he masturbated so much before he lost his virginity.

39:06 Adam He siphoned off his chi before he got with the chi.

39:09 Caller Yes.

39:10 Adam Hold on a second, Victoria. This is interesting because I suffer from the same thing. And maybe it was the excessive pre-cherry-popping masturbation that caused this.

39:25 Caller Alright.

39:27 Adam We'll get to this after this.

39:33 We'll be right back with more.

39:54 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Andy Dick will be in here tomorrow night.

40:01 Drew Yeah.

40:02 Adam Yeah.

40:03 Drew From News Radio. What did you see him on? He's playing a mad scientist. Gadget. Inspector Gadget.

40:11 Adam Oh, yeah. Andy's done a ton of work. What the hell was that about? I saw him at Kathy Griffin's Christmas party when I was hobnobbing with the stars a couple of weeks ago.

40:23 Drew Yeah, when you were talking to... Brooke Shield. Yeah, Brooke.

40:27 Adam Yeah.

40:28 Caller Yeah.

40:28 Adam Brooke called me over. We had a little discussion.

40:31 Caller I called her Brooke.

40:33 Adam No, just Brooke.

40:34 Drew Brooke.

40:35 Adam Brooke. Yeah. So I was hobnobbing with Brooke, but I was also hobnobbing with Andy Dick, who was sitting there with his band, the Bitches of the Century.

40:46 Drew Oh, my God. Those poor guys.

40:49 Adam Had a head of steam because I had just done the Billboard Awards with Kathy, and he'd done the Billboard Awards the year before. So he figured I'd somehow jockeyed into position and took his place.

41:01 Drew Oh, boy.

41:02 Adam You know, Andy's very paranoid. Yeah.

41:05 Drew So funny. He was telling me, he did the webcast, my webcast, at drew.com, and he... www.drew.com, yet again. And he was saying how he was feeling very upset that he'd been pigeonholed on Saturday Night Live as a gay heroin addict. I said, God, the temerity. After all, he's a bisexual opiate addict.

41:23 Adam Right. It's true. His attorney should sue Lauren Michaels.

41:30 Drew So far off the mark.

41:32 Adam Please, heroin.

41:33 Drew Tomorrow night.

41:34 Adam Victoria? So you're 19. And I know I called this man you're having sex with your boyfriend, but it's not your boyfriend.

41:44 Caller No, I have a boyfriend. I've, I, the person that I'm talking about right now, we haven't, we just fold around a couple of times and this was a while back, but we're still good friends.

41:52 Drew Before you had the boyfriend? Before you had the boyfriend?

41:55 Caller Before I had the boyfriend.

41:56 Drew Just checking to see how weird the situation is.

41:57 Adam Okay. And, so anyway, this guy cannot have an orgasm via intercourse.

42:02 Caller Exactly.

42:04 Adam How about oral sex? Hold on now.

42:06 Caller Um, I never did that, Tim.

42:08 Adam Oh, you bitch. What the hell? What kind of sex is that? No oral sex?

42:13 Drew You just revealed something very interesting about yourself. You said you had this problem early on only or you still have this problem?

42:17 Adam Uh, well, here's the deal. And Victoria asked, well, maybe he masturbated too much before he lost his virginity. That was her statement, and maybe that had an effect on him.

42:31 Drew But first of all, every male knows that whatever his pattern was before he lost his virginity, if anything doubles down afterwards.

42:38 Adam Yeah, but is there an argument that one could make with too much time with yourself before you're actually with a woman where your penis almost gets trained to a different kind of stimulation?

42:50 Drew That's a possibility, but I think she's concerned that his chi has been flowing out in the wrong directions.

42:54 Adam Yeah, no.

42:55 Drew That's not the case.

42:55 Adam That has nothing to do with it.

42:58 Drew And a compulsive masturbator does not stop at the point where they lose their virginity, so you can guarantee he's still doing that. That may be the big issue right there.

43:05 Adam No, I don't think that's the issue.

43:07 Drew Could be.

43:07 Adam And that's not the argument.

43:09 Drew I understand yours is.

43:10 Adam Here's the hypothesis.

43:11 Drew Yeah, I understand yours.

43:12 Adam You begin masturbating at 14 and a half, then maybe you don't lose your virginity until 17 or 18. Now you have three, four years of going at it yourself with a handful of lubriderm in the shower. Or whatever is going on, porn movie playing. You have your situation set to a certain way. Next thing you know, you're in a different position, in a different room with some scary live human being strapped underneath you, albeit probably passed out from the sock full of ether you gave her out in the parking lot. But the point is, it's a totally different environment for your penis and sometimes it cannot achieve orgasm.

43:54 Drew That's reasonable, but if that were such a universal truth, why don't all males experience it?

43:58 Adam 75% of men would have this.

44:00 Drew But they don't.

44:01 Adam No, they don't.

44:01 Drew Very few do.

44:02 Caller Okay.

44:02 Drew So I think it has to do with compulsive or excessively sort of intense masturbation.

44:08 Adam Well wouldn't you say this, Drew?

44:09 Drew And by the way, if you're masturbating intensely, you need to get your own thing going in order to make it happen, right?

44:14 Caller All right.

44:15 Adam Let me make this hypothesis. Tell me if you think this is a fair statement. X amount of men cannot have an orgasm via oral sex. I don't know, 15 percent. Okay. Does it sound reasonable? A 12 percent is a decent amount of guys can't do it though. It's probably-

44:32 Drew Or would choose not to. You can't or would choose not to.

44:34 Adam Can or choose not to. Let's just say can't. Let's go with the can't. 10 percent of guys cannot have an orgasm from oral sex. I don't trust them. I don't want to hang out with them. I don't want to converse with them. But 10 percent of guys cannot do it.

44:48 Drew Opposite track, Adam.

44:49 Adam Then there is 2 percent, 5 percent, 12 percent or something who cannot have it during intercourse. So maybe there's just some guys who can't have it just like there's some women who can't have an orgasm during intercourse or through oral sex or whatever it is. Michelle?

45:07 Caller Yes.

45:08 Adam You're 23.

45:09 Caller Yes, I am. Okay. You'll have to excuse me, I have a very bad cold. Okay.

45:13 Guest Dr. Drew, I have a question.

45:15 Caller I think it is called polycystic ovarian disease.

45:17 Drew Right.

45:18 Caller Is that correct?

45:19 Drew Yep. Well, that's a condition.

45:22 Caller I haven't been diagnosed with it. I was told I may have it. Okay. I was just wondering some of the spin-offs or symptoms or whatever you want to call them that could kind of mean that maybe I do have it.

45:33 Drew Irregular periods?

45:34 Caller No.

45:35 Drew Sometimes some excessive hair growth, painful periods?

45:39 Guest I don't really have periods at all.

45:40 Drew Well, that's irregular periods.

45:42 Caller Okay. And what I think you said something before about diabetes.

45:45 Drew Yeah. Insulin resistance. So sometimes a little bit of weight excess and a propensity to develop diabetes.

45:54 Caller Okay.

45:55 Drew So if you have PCO, you need to know it. And it should be treated. What do you do?

45:59 Adam Go to the gynecologist? Yeah. All right. I see some up here says taboo too.

46:03 Drew Oh.

46:04 Adam Hey, Mike.

46:06 Guest Yeah.

46:06 Adam Wait, 28?

46:07 Guest Yeah, that's right.

46:08 Caller Yeah, I know where I can, like, where you can get that movie at, Dr. No, I don't want that damn thing.

46:14 Adam Oh, please, you want it. You need someone with your life to find it. Hey, where can I get it?

46:18 Caller Yeah, it's at the taboo video number four up on Aurora, Seattle. I always pass it up when I'm looking for the...

46:25 Drew Well, Adam, head on up there. You're probably going to fly out this evening.

46:28 Adam Hold on a second. I need taboo too.

46:32 Yeah, you're willing to go to any length, right?

46:34 Adam Well, I gotta have it tonight, though.

46:39 Caller You understand? I understand.

46:41 Adam Listen, if anyone within the sound of my voice has taboo too, please get it to me. I need it. I want it. I mean, I have to have it. Okay? That'd be the greatest Christmas gift of all. Let me say something to you ingrates who listen to this show. I bust my ass on a nightly basis coming in here. Two hours I work in here, slaving away over a hot mic, striving, always striving to get better, always striving to improve, sometimes showing up as much as four minutes before the show begins and oftentimes burning the midnight oil a minute, two and a half minutes depending on whether I have to go to the bathroom or take a picture with the band after the show before I actually get my car and speed home. I bust my ass and at no charge to you, the listener. I don't ask for anything in return except for now. I want that taboo too. And if any of you have a shred of decency, someone will get me that movie before the night is over. Okay, we'll be back.

47:38 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.

47:42 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It is Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

48:09 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

48:13 Caller KNRK, Camas, Portland.

48:15 Caller Intercom Radio Station.

48:24 Adam It is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LE-1-9-1, forget about the fax number. Andy Dickel being here tomorrow night. Well, see, it's good to be back. I made a couple of notes during the break here, Drew, because being away from the show for a week, of course, us being on vacation last week, few things happened. I want to make a mention of it. You know, I complain a lot about the show.

48:53 Drew The show?

48:55 Adam My grandma's Christmas party that my mom and stepdad met at a primal scream therapy class in 1973, which is something I wasn't aware of, that I thought, Jesus, I got to get on the air. I got to get on the air and mention that one. And you know, my stepdad, John, is like, you know, he's a, he's an electronics engineer at Lockheed at the Skunk Works Division, the top secret division at the Skunk Works Division, the top secret division.

49:32 Drew That primal scream might have kept him from opening up with a little AK-47 or something.

49:37 Adam I don't know if it's hope so. Because the guy, you know, he's got like a pocket liner and his pants get higher and his belt gets tighter every year.

49:45 Drew Anderson doesn't know what primal scream therapy is.

49:47 Adam Primal scream therapy.

49:49 Drew This is in the 70s. There's a lot of weird stuff like that going on in the 70s.

49:52 Adam There was a whole movement in the 70s. There's a whole lot of retarded movements. I think a lot of it was just based on smoking way too much weed and thinking too much. But there's a lot of movements in the 70s. One of them was, you know, the man is trying to poison you with fluoride. And there's just all sorts of 70s. Most of it had to do with the man keeping you down. But one of the popular notions in the 70s was that we were all very angry. And we all had a lot of rage in us. And that we needed to vent this rage.

50:24 Drew Well, we needed to be actualized. The whole actualization movement and the me, the me generation, remember that whole thing?

50:29 Adam Yeah, but part of the problem was is that we were not letting our hostility out. Like we were filled, seething, we're seething cauldrons of anger. And if we could let this out in a sort of healthy way, then it would be like purging ourselves of all these toxins we had in our bodies.

50:50 Drew Thus the Bataka Bat.

50:51 Adam Thus the Bataka Bat. Now, the Bataka Bat was a...

50:54 Drew You know what that is either. Oh, man, we're old.

50:57 Adam How old are you, Anderson? The Bataka, you're lucky. The Bataka Bat is essentially a bat that has about 8 or 9 inches of foam rubber padding around it. And the whole idea was to just beat the crap out of your friend, your neighbor, your parent with this thing and purge yourself of all this rage. Pound the pillow. You know, I remember my mom used to say, you know, if you're angry, if you're upset, whatever, go get the pillow and just beat the crap out of it.

51:28 Drew Now you know where that came from.

51:30 Adam Yeah. And as you know, that most of this is nonsense because, you know, you take a look at Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson works, works, you know, 50, 12 rounds on a heavy bag, five rounds on a speed bag, four rounds on a double-ended bag, then does some shadow boxing, then does six rounds of sparring, then gets in his car, drives down the street, rear end, so on, and beats the crap out of a couple of tourists.

51:54 Drew And mind you, your parents would not like you playing football. Because that was the man's game.

51:58 Adam That was the man's game, right. Yeah, my idiot parents, they didn't want me to play football, but it was okay to beat the crap out of like an imaginary foe that was on a pillow. Well, I think that was just smoking too much weed.

52:10 Drew But the primal scream there was this notion that you could get the right intensity of scream, that all this sort of the cry of a baby being born was sort of the notion that you would return to a state of pristine health.

52:24 Adam The whole plan was to just crawl back up your mother's vagina where it was safe and before you were soiled by the man and society and the toxins and pollutants in the environment. So I never went to one of these things, but I'm guessing it was just a bunch of people in their thirties sitting around just going, Mom, I'm so mad at you.

52:43 Caller I am so mad at you, Mom.

52:47 Adam Would you make me uncomfortable to do? But I think I'd be equally uncomfortable from guy I didn't know next to me was like crying and yelling. It is babysitter. You know what I'm saying?

52:59 Drew Yeah.

52:59 Caller Yeah.

53:01 Drew It was an awkward yucky time.

53:03 Adam Yeah. All right. So anyway, that's where...

53:06 Drew Why we would have anything... Really, those times should be sort of exposed, the seventies, for what it was.

53:12 Adam Jesus Christ.

53:13 Drew Let's let it be ideal.

53:14 Adam I just can't believe my mom met my stepdad in a primal screen class. Where are we going? Six?

53:19 Drew Is there anything else that happened you want to talk about?

53:22 Adam No. Yes. Well, just quickly, I was at a shoe store today and saw like a 285-page book sitting there on the counter and it said, walking. And I thought to myself, you got to read 285 pages on walking? I thought, who the hell... I was yelling at the guy, who buys a book on how to walk? And by the way, doesn't everyone... The store is in a mall. So theoretically, everyone has then walked, you know, to get the book. I mean, Jesus Christ, walking. There's like a companion book, which is 173 pages on breathing. Actually, that's on inhaling and there's another 210 on exhaling. Nonsense. And maybe if you carried the book while you're walking, I think that may have been what it was. It was just that it was way to 80 pounds.

54:12 Caller All right.

54:13 Adam Where am I going here, Drew?

54:13 Drew Seven.

54:15 Adam Hello.

54:16 Caller Adam.

54:16 Adam John.

54:17 Guest What's up?

54:18 Adam Is this John from System of a Down?

54:20 Guest John from System of a Down. Oh, brother. Hey, I got your tape, man.

54:25 Caller I have you an original copy of it. Yeah.

54:26 Adam Don't play dumb with me, though, John. I gave you a phone call two weeks ago.

54:30 Caller I know.

54:30 Guest And as soon as I got your phone call, I went out and picked it up from a friend of mine.

54:33 Caller And I've had it ever since.

54:34 Adam Oh, a lot of good that's doing my penis.

54:37 Guest Okay. I'll tell you what, bro. If you want it, you can have it tonight.

54:39 Adam Yes.

54:41 He's going to cry.

54:42 Adam I'm going to end the show early. Hold on. Can I get a VCR and install my car?

54:46 Just do it right now and then come by.

54:49 Caller I forgot where your studios were, man. Otherwise, I would have dropped it off.

54:51 Adam We're in Culver City. Where are you? You're in, like, the Valley, right?

54:55 The Valley, dude. I'm in your hood.

54:56 Adam Yeah. You're in, like, Burbank or Glendale or something?

54:59 Caller No, I'm the other Armenian.

55:00 Caller I'm in North Hills.

55:02 Drew North Hills?

55:03 Caller Yeah.

55:03 Drew Like, Granada Hills?

55:04 Guest By North Hollywood, bro. It's cool.

55:05 Adam You're by North Hollywood?

55:06 Guest Yeah, it's very close.

55:07 Drew Are you gonna drive over there tonight?

55:08 Adam I have to. Oh. I'm gonna have to leave the show early, though.

55:11 Whenever you get off, we're, we're, I'm over at my base tours right now.

55:14 Caller We're chilling.

55:15 Adam All right.

55:15 Guest Whenever you get off, just call myself.

55:17 Caller You still have that number, right?

55:18 Adam Oh, jeez, I gotta check my wallet. I'll tell you what, give it to our phone screener.

55:23 Guest Jessica and Jamie have the number.

55:25 Adam Oh, they do?

55:26 Guest Yeah.

55:26 Adam Okay, so you're over, how close to, like, North Hollywood High are you?

55:30 Guest North Hollywood High? I'm about...

55:31 Adam North Hollywood? What's that?

55:33 Caller 15 minutes on the freeway to North Hollywood High.

55:36 Adam Yeah, you guys, you're not heading into Hollywood for any reason, are you?

55:40 Guest If you want, bro, if you can wait till tomorrow.

55:42 Adam No, no, no.

55:43 Caller I'll bring it out.

55:44 Adam No, no, I appreciate it, but no, it's too... You understand, my testicles are like a time bomb, and I started...

55:52 Guest I got number three coming for you, too.

55:54 Adam That's great, but I'm gonna spend the first couple of weeks on number two.

55:57 You might need a couple of months on that one.

55:59 Adam Oh, my God, this is gonna be... You wanna sing just a little bit of the theme?

56:03 Caller Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da.

56:06 I need Drew to see it, man, just so he knows what we're talking about.

56:09 Caller Ooh, baby, I wanna be...

56:13 Adam No, you know, there's two theme songs. There's that one and then there's... Oh, that one was, Gotta Get It On.

56:22 Caller That's a classic.

56:22 Well, I mean, you can make a whole album just for the tap of the tongue.

56:25 Adam Oh, this is gonna be great. All right.

56:27 Caller So, give me a call when you got it.

56:28 Adam All right, all right, we'll put you on hold and I'll call you before the show's over.

56:31 Guest Cool.

56:31 Adam Thanks, John.

56:32 Guest Later, bro.

56:32 Adam All right, see ya, cause I'm gonna have to leave the show a little early.

56:36 Caller I'll take it, I'll take it.

56:36 Adam That's cool. Sorry, yeah. You don't mind doing like the last 45 minutes or something.

56:40 Caller No, I'm fine.

56:42 Adam That's funny when he said, I can get it by tomorrow.

56:46 Caller He was just joking.

56:47 Adam Let me tell you something about my testicles, everybody. Here's the testicles. I think all guys will find some truth in this statement. It's like, you know how spaceships in these sci-fi movies have a self-destruct system and it's a sequence and you push it into a keypad and then once the countdown begins, it's over. It's locked.

57:12 Drew It's like urinating.

57:13 Adam That's it.

57:13 Drew Urinating is the same thing, right?

57:15 Adam Yeah.

57:15 Drew Once you're going to urinate, that's it.

57:16 Adam It's like when you're driving home, you think you got to pee real bad, you start rolling down your off-ramp that's closest to your house and the clock has been set. And if your key breaks off in the door, you're pissing in the mail slot. That's it. You're pissing on your porch because the countdown has begun. Sperm will come out of my penis at 1227 tonight.

57:40 I'll wear another.

57:41 Adam I could be jogging. I could be driving.

57:45 It wouldn't matter.

57:47 Adam I could be like at a liquor store hold up. It wouldn't matter.

57:49 Drew But what if you weren't in front of this movie? What a disappointed let down. You'd be depressed. You'd kill yourself.

57:54 Adam Let me explain something, Drew. Let me explain how I got where I am today.

57:57 Drew Go please.

57:58 Adam That's not an option. Understand? I don't think that way. Losers think that way. You understand me? I refuse to think that way. Dave?

58:07 Hello.

58:07 Adam You're 18.

58:08 Caller Yes. Love your show, guys.

58:10 Adam Thank you.

58:11 Caller I kind of got a problem. It's kind of this strange thing. Like every time I do a number two, I have a little bit of pre-ejaculatory fluid come out of my penis.

58:23 Drew Every time he poops, he has some...

58:26 Caller It's like from the pressure of doing it.

58:28 Drew Yeah, yeah. Is it clear?

58:31 Caller Yeah.

58:32 Drew It may just be...

58:34 Adam Maybe he's turned on.

58:35 Drew It's not the...

58:35 Caller Maybe he's gay.

58:36 Drew It needn't necessarily be a pre-ejaculate. There are other fluids emitted, sort of seminal type fluids emitted from the prostate. When the pressure of the stool and the bearing down, all kinds of stuff comes through, you might have a little bit of lubricant come out, so to speak.

58:51 Caller Well, it doesn't feel good or bad. It just kind of...

58:54 Drew I know, but it's not... The point is, the question is, does it have sperm in it, really? And it may not. The seminal vesicles are really what release the sperm. I doubt that would necessarily have sperm in it at that point.

59:04 Caller The other thing is, sometimes I get kind of like a sharp pain, like in my paint. You know what that is?

59:09 Drew Yeah.

59:10 Caller Like, you know, paint, ball of paint, you know. Well, it's, you know, is that anything to worry about?

59:15 Drew Is that after you ejaculate?

59:16 Caller No, no, just sometimes like when I'm walking around, I'm like, ow, like, you know, right?

59:21 Drew It all just sounds like prostatic inflammation, but nothing worrisome.

59:26 Adam That's a little disturbing at age, the tender age of 18 when you're offloading, you got something dribbling out of the front of you. You know what I'm saying? I mean, you know, I was like, yeah, but that's what you get a nose bleed too. You know what I mean?

59:44 Drew I don't, I wasn't kids have lots of questions, right? All kinds. This is just one of them.

59:50 Adam Should we go to break now? Cause I got to hit the road.

59:52 Drew No, no, you got to finish up the segment.

59:56 Adam You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking I hit the road a little early. Yeah, get on the cell phone. Yeah. We'll end the show that way. Unacceptable.

1:00:03 Drew No, no, that's all right.

1:00:06 Adam Lauren?

1:00:07 Caller Yeah.

1:00:07 Adam You're 17? Oh, you're depressed.

1:00:09 Drew Depressed, yeah. They're very sleepy.

1:00:12 Caller What?

1:00:13 Adam Okay. What's up?

1:00:15 Caller Um, okay. My best friend wants to have a threesome with some guy that she just met recently and I don't know, I kind of want to do it. Why?

1:00:26 Drew Why do you want to?

1:00:27 Caller I want fun.

1:00:29 Adam Do you like her?

1:00:30 Caller Yeah.

1:00:31 Drew Are there other ways you can have fun other than these sorts of extreme behaviors?

1:00:37 Caller Well, I'm sure there are.

1:00:41 Adam Hey, Lauren?

1:00:42 Caller Yeah.

1:00:42 Adam Um, have you ever been with a woman?

1:00:45 Caller Um, sort of. They gamble.

1:00:48 Adam It's usually my answer. Yeah. Hey, Lauren, we'd like to gamble on you.

1:00:53 Caller Okay.

1:00:53 Adam Is that all right? It's my sister's name, Lauren. L-A-U-R-E-N. She tried to spell it L-A-U-R-Y-N for like 10 minutes in 1985.

1:01:04 Drew You kicked her.

1:01:05 Adam I said, are you kidding me?

1:01:06 Drew Let's go.

1:01:07 Adam Please. My wallet's not on me. All right.

1:01:10 Caller Here you go.

1:01:11 Adam Didn't I front you a buck last time?

1:01:13 Drew No.

1:01:13 Adam Oh, please.

1:01:14 Drew What do you mean no? I gave it back to you.

1:01:17 Adam I don't remember that at all. I'll have to check my notepad. Lauren is 17. Sounds like she's 28. Sounds depressed. Sort of been with some women. What are you going with, Drew?

1:01:29 Drew Me first?

1:01:30 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

1:01:31 Drew She was abused by a peer when she was like 10. Just meltdown chaos at home, just you name it. She may not have been sexually abused, but violence, drugs, whatever.

1:01:43 Adam Yeah, I'm going, I'm going, didn't know, dad out of the picture, stepdad in there, no overt abuse, doesn't like the guy drinking, just downtroddenness, but no overt abuse.

1:01:58 Drew General, you know, because I'm going to, but I'm going to pure abuse at age 10.

1:02:03 Adam I'm not going to any kind of sexual or physical abuse. I'm going, real dad's not around. She doesn't know why, but mom, mom shakes her head every time she brings it up. And there's been like stepdad slash boyfriend is an idiot, doesn't really like her. Okay.

1:02:20 Caller Yeah.

1:02:20 Adam Okay. What's your home life like?

1:02:23 Caller Well, you both are kind of right.

1:02:25 Caller Because, okay, my parents separated when I was two and they got divorced when I was four. And then I think when I was around three or four, a family member, a female family member sexually abused me. And then throughout elementary school, there was some sexual activity with my peers.

1:02:48 Drew Other females?

1:02:50 Caller Mostly.

1:02:51 Adam That is tragic. I mean, not that you're sexually abused, but that I lost another dollar.

1:02:56 Drew That's the truth.

1:02:57 Caller Well.

1:02:58 Drew Horrible. And then what, I still get that things at home were pretty awful.

1:03:02 Caller Home? Well, my mom has had a boyfriend for the past eight years.

1:03:08 Drew Yeah.

1:03:09 Caller When I was around seven to nine, he kind of did stuff to me.

1:03:17 Drew So that's where I was getting at. I was getting like nine, ten. That's the age-old bad stuff.

1:03:20 Adam How long did that go on?

1:03:22 Caller About two or three years.

1:03:25 Adam What's up? Oh, boy.

1:03:27 Drew So there's all kinds of awful things.

1:03:28 Adam Oh, Lord. I mean, see, it's so amazing. But you know, hold on a second. You know how you can tell what a dog has been through by how a dog walks?

1:03:43 Drew Yeah. How it hangs its head.

1:03:44 Adam You know what a dog just walks? Some dogs' tails flapping in the air and their heads up.

1:03:49 Drew And even how their coat looks.

1:03:50 Caller Right? What kind of coat? Their fur.

1:03:52 Drew Oh, I'm telling you, man, like the parka.

1:03:54 Adam All right. Hold on. Let's not do, you know, who you... What else is his name? Perkins. Lawrence. What's his name? Perkins.

1:04:04 Drew Forget it. We're doing it ourselves again. Marlon. Marlon.

1:04:06 Adam Marlon Perkins. Isn't that the Wild Kingdom over here? Oh, they're used to air Sunday nights. But the point is, is you know, you can tell just a dog by just the way it walks, where its tail is, its demeanor is, just how it's walking, like whether it was beat or whether it's scared or whether it's angry or whether it was raised by loving whatever. Man, people, I mean, I could just hear Lawrence first two syllables. I knew there was something bad going on. She's 17. It just seems like she's hasn't slept in five years. That's what she sounds like. She's been like driving a truck for 15 years and it's just so sad and it's so pathetic and I know this is my anger maybe misplaced but I'm not as angry at the boyfriend as I am at the mom. I'm really not. As I understand, there's pedophiles and abusers out there. I mean, that's a given to me. The fact that you bring them into the home, set them loose on your daughter and then let it go on for years is the thing that's most disturbing to me. This is a mother and her daughter. And I mean, this guy who she brings in her home is just some guy who did a little time for selling pot and doesn't give a rat's-hiney about anybody, but this is mom and daughter. Hey, Lauren, don't you hate your mother for bringing this guy home?

1:05:24 Caller Well, actually, I don't know if you remember, but I called a while back because I was having fantasies about killing my mother.

1:05:33 Adam Oh, yeah. I just had one of those, actually.

1:05:36 Caller No, but like from when I was little, like three or four, I would have like sexually oriented fantasies about killing her.

1:05:44 Adam Sexually oriented?

1:05:45 Caller Yeah.

1:05:46 Adam How'd that go?

1:05:48 Caller Well, I don't know. It was like I would strangle her and then do stuff to her after she was dead.

1:05:54 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:05:56 Drew Didn't we talk about you getting some help?

1:05:58 Caller Yeah, and I did. I told her about it and she got a therapist for me. Then there was a problem with the insurance, so I haven't been in a while.

1:06:07 Adam Hey, Lauren, is the step, is the boyfriend out of there?

1:06:10 Caller No.

1:06:11 Adam No, he's still around?

1:06:12 Caller He's in the other room right now.

1:06:14 Adam Does she know what he did to you?

1:06:16 Caller Yeah.

1:06:17 Adam And she's all right with that?

1:06:19 Caller I guess so.

1:06:21 Adam Oh, boy. Hey, Lauren?

1:06:23 Caller Yeah.

1:06:23 Adam Listen, please, and I'm going to make this quick because I got to drive across town to get some porn. But we all have problems. Don't ruin it for me. Jesus Christ, I was going at myself the other week and our manager Howard called to wish me Merry Christmas. My penis is still in my hand. I thought, oh, let me put his wife on the phone. I almost want to kill myself. I'll tell that story in a minute. Hey, Lauren, listen, honey, please, don't do this threesome. Just chill out. You've had some horrible things happen to you. You got to get your grades up. You got to get out of the house. You got to take care of yourself. You just have to, and don't act out.

1:07:05 Drew I know it's the only way you can feel whole, the only way you can feel valid, the only way you can escape some of these awful feelings you walk around with. But don't get focused on escape. Get focused on nurturing yourself, taking care of yourself, taking things slow and easy, one step at a time. Realize although there's some positives to making this choice, there are a whole lot of negatives, and it certainly is all in line with the current merry-go-round you're on. And the only way to step off is to not do this sort of thing, and to really think about what you can do to take care of yourself better.

1:07:31 Adam I know this is not the kind of thing I should be talking about on the radio, but yesterday I was, you know, I spent a lot of time at home, like a lot of time, a lot of time. And I was going to hit a little little afternoon delight, you know. I just thought, well, it's noon, I should be hunkering down for a nap. I mean, I have been up since 10, 15, and, you know, I think I'm going to take a nap. And then I thought, well, maybe I'll have that myself before I take a nap. So I started in on myself a little bit, and the phone rang.

1:08:07 Caller You never answer the phone.

1:08:08 Adam I know, I never answer the phone. And I was like staring at it. And I have this caller ID thing, right? And there's two times, like if it's a phone number I don't want to talk to, if it's a person I know, I won't pick it up, obviously. If it's someone I do want to talk to, I'll pick it up. But once in a while, I get that private thing. It's always intriguing to me. It's the grab bag of phones, you know? Maybe it's Publishers Clearing House. Maybe it's Satan, you know? But I don't know. Then I see the private, and I was like, and I always bite on the private, because it just could be anybody.

1:08:38 Drew Does that mean they don't identify with it?

1:08:39 Adam It'll just say private, yeah, on the phone. So I hit the thing, and it's our manager, Howard, you know? And I just want to wish you, oh, no, it's his wife. It's his wife, Maria. And Maria has been ill, and she's been going through a tough time, and she's been home recuperating and whatnot. And the pants are around the ankles, and the penis is out, and she's like, you know, it's been a real tough time, and, you know, I've been ill, and she started to tear up a little bit, and I was like, oh, my God, my penis. Then I started crying. No, I was like, I just thought it was the most, and I was, you know, I was trying to have a conversation. Well, I know it's been a tough time, but, you know, you're tough, you get through it. I mean, meanwhile, I was talking to my penis, and I was just thinking to myself, this is surreal. I got to get my, I got to pull my sweats back up. It's getting weird now, even for me, you know, I'm an atheist. And then she said, I was like, okay, but you're all right. You're okay, you'll do better. Well, Merry Christmas to you. Okay, she said that.

1:09:45 Drew She was Howard.

1:09:46 Adam So I started going back to my penis. She was like, let me put Howard on. I said, oh, Christ, my penis looked up. For Christ's sake, come on, turn the TV on. There's something, I got to do something. So Howard got on, we talked about the Buffalo Bills for an hour and 45 minutes. And then, you know what? I said, forget it. That was enough. I didn't go to bed. I didn't have myself. I screw it. I put some socks on, I put some shoes on, I went outside. I got to get outside. So it was probably a blessing. But bad when someone calls up and starts crying on the other line when you're masturbating, right?

1:10:21 Caller Good.

1:10:22 Adam Not good.

1:10:22 Caller All right.

1:10:23 Adam We're going to take a little break. And when we come back, we'll speak to. All right. It'll be a surprise. Surprise caller when we come back. Hey, it's the Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1, fax number. Oh, forget about that. That's Drew, I'm Adam. Listen, I gotta get that video.

1:11:21 Drew You're still here?

1:11:21 Caller I gotta get that taboo, too.

1:11:23 Adam I'm gonna cut out after this break. I'll do the rest of the show from the cell phone, all right?

1:11:27 Drew Perfect.

1:11:27 Adam I got a new cell phone. It should work good. You know what I like? It would stop me if I talked about this on the air, but now when you get a new cell phone, this thing's got like three lines on it and speakerphone and you can get email off it. I, of course, know how to do nothing and will never, but it came with a tutorial video. Oh, wow.

1:11:51 Drew What kind of phone? Motorola?

1:11:53 Adam Yeah, I think so. I'll have to take a look at it. Now, here's the point. It comes with a video. A lot of stuff comes with a video now, computers, word processors, things like that. And this phone comes with a video. Now, for guys who can't read and don't like to read, like myself, the video is a godsend, because instead of going through a thick manual that was translated from Japanese, I can sit down and enjoy video. Here's the problem. And if anybody from the Motorola company is listening or any of these companies are thinking about putting out one of these videos that highlights and teaches you how to use all of the functions on something, whether it be a word processor or a computer or a cell phone. Here's the deal though. Go ahead and take the plot line out of the goddamn video.

1:12:44 Drew I've heard you say this about porn films too.

1:12:47 Adam I didn't have the sound up so I don't know what that's about. But I don't want to see... Here's what I want in the tutorial video. Here's your phone. See this button? You push this button and this happens. I don't want the setting to be at an ad agency and have Herb be the new guy. You know what I mean? It's like... I swear to God this tutorial video is... We're over at Jenkins and Jenkins Architecture Company. Bob Jenkins is the Senior Vice President. Herb Jankowicz is the VP of Marketing. And I want you to meet Trudy. Trudy is going to explain to our new employee, Ted, here who's eager to start, how Jankowicz and Jenkins work. Now, we got a big client down the street. You'll want to take your motoroad cell phone with you. And they're going through this whole... I'm getting lost in the story at this point. You know, I'm cheering, I'm weeping. The part of Bob Jenkins was played with pathos. And I'm thinking to myself, what the hell do I need a goddamn story to learn how to work the goddamn phone for? I'm driving me insane.

1:13:58 Caller Just tell me how the damn thing works.

1:14:00 Adam I don't care if they lose the big account.

1:14:04 Drew I'm totally with you.

1:14:05 Adam Oh, this guy's carrying plans. And he's taking them down the street to the big project. How are we going to get in touch with you once you get there? We'll use the two-way walkie-talkie activation.

1:14:18 Caller Good, yes!

1:14:19 Guest Yes, let's talk about that.

1:14:22 Adam Jesus Christ, what do they want? A Golden Globe?

1:14:25 Caller Just say how it works!

1:14:27 Drew This is taking the extreme, the silliness of people believe that other people want to hear stories. There's a public speaking action, right?

1:14:34 Adam Please just say, I got the phone, not for the video. I got the phone, you know, it was wonderfully lit, the score was amazing, I don't know who did the score on it, but I mean, the cinematography was great, but it's just, just say, just show how the phone works.

1:14:54 Drew Hey Adam, some bad news. You're not going anywhere. Read that.

1:14:57 Adam John from System of Down is playing poker in Burbank and is not going home, sorry.

1:15:03 Drew Home where the video is.

1:15:07 Adam No, no, it's a lie. Unacceptable.

1:15:11 Caller It's a lie.

1:15:12 Adam It's a lie. Is it a practical joke, right?

1:15:14 Drew I don't know.

1:15:15 Caller They're laughing in the room.

1:15:16 Adam I don't believe it. Add some kind of practical joke.

1:15:19 Drew No, you gotta get him on the phone again then.

1:15:22 Adam Get John on the phone.

1:15:24 Caller Oh, poor Adam.

1:15:26 Adam You don't do this to a man, by the way.

1:15:29 Drew A red-blooded man.

1:15:30 Adam A red-blooded man. Thank you. Trying to get my Taboo 2 video from John. Here's John's excuse, by the way, for not getting me the Taboo 2 video. I got your call. I got the video out. That's it.

1:15:45 Caller Yeah. Yeah?

1:15:46 Adam Where's the part about you getting run over by a truck on the way to the post office? That is not an excuse, you getting the video out. And then I, then he took it out. Oh, I should take some solace that he's got it at his house. At least it's safe.

1:16:01 Drew Your own copy.

1:16:04 Adam Julian?

1:16:05 Guest Yeah, this is Julian. Hey, Dr. Drew, Adam. This is Julian calling from Beautiful Van Nuys. Dr. Drew, before I ask the question...

1:16:12 Adam You're close to my Taboo 2 copy, by the way.

1:16:15 Guest Before I ask the question, I just wanted to mention, Adam, guess who this is? I was the guy today that sold you the underwear at Bloomingdale's.

1:16:23 Adam Oh, you were? Yeah, I bought those for producer Anderson.

1:16:27 Guest Oh, you got those for producer Anderson?

1:16:29 Adam Yeah, I'm engineer Anderson.

1:16:31 Drew You just handed off to them at the beginning of the show and lectured me on how important, how nobody ever buys underwear and what a great gift it is.

1:16:38 Guest I was going to say hi, but I thought you might get sort of annoyed because they're not supposed to talk to the celebrities which come into the store.

1:16:43 Adam Well, I just couldn't believe the packages on some of those underwear ads. I mean, my God, they sell underwear. I was offended. Yeah, guys with stuff packed in, you know, talk about no wonder they sell the socks in the underwear in the same department because the guy had like a 12 pack of tube socks shoved in the front of his underwear. The Calvin Kleinman, they have these like speedo briefie, you know, single band only gay guys. And I don't know if this is your experience, Julian, but only gay men buy these underwear, the kind that just have the strap going along the side and then the front pouch in the rear. The rear sort of sack, please, there's not a straight man alive who's bought a pair of those, is there?

1:17:25 Guest Rear sack? What are you talking about?

1:17:27 Drew I thought you bought underwear in chub packs.

1:17:29 Adam It was, it's a three pack.

1:17:31 Guest Chub pack?

1:17:32 Drew I imagine the kind you put like a...

1:17:33 Adam I'd buy myself underpants in the chub pack. Anderson, he just gets a three pack.

1:17:38 Guest Anyway, I'm working in men's designers. I work from 1 to 930 tomorrow. Come by, I'll give you a discount, okay?

1:17:43 Drew Bloomingdale's?

1:17:43 Adam What happened to my discount today?

1:17:45 Drew Which Bloomingdale's? Which one? You're gay.

1:17:47 Guest Sherman Oaks.

1:17:48 Drew Oh, boy.

1:17:49 Guest All right. No, I'm not gay. Hey, my question is about the penis.

1:17:53 Adam Hold on, hold on. Julian, your hair is two different colors, though, isn't it?

1:17:57 Guest Yeah.

1:17:58 Adam All right. That's a little gay.

1:18:00 Guest No.

1:18:00 Adam There's a little frosting going on on that hair.

1:18:02 Guest That's just how you do it down here. It's a smog.

1:18:05 Drew Julian.

1:18:05 Guest All right. Okay. Anyway, my penis is uncircumcised and...

1:18:11 Adam I knew it.

1:18:11 Guest I wanted to... I'm starting to be scared. But anyway, I was just wondering, what are the health risks, too, of not being circumcised? Because I know that urine gets caught down there, and it's...

1:18:24 Drew There's not really any significant health risk. Most of the world spends their life uncircumcised, okay? And you can imagine if this were really a significant health issue, we would be doing something about it. Yeah.

1:18:34 Adam But most of the world smells, too, if you think about it.

1:18:37 Drew Yeah. And so it is kind of a hygiene issue, perhaps. And we're sort of fastidious about that kind of thing in this country. It acquires a little more care than without the crop time.

1:18:47 Adam I can't focus anymore with this.

1:18:49 Drew I talked to John. He's there.

1:18:50 Adam Is he on?

1:18:50 Drew Anyway, but theoretically there may be a slight reduction in the risk of penile cancer. Okay.

1:18:55 Adam Listen, these are all pale in comparison to me not getting hold of my taboo too.

1:18:59 Drew One other thing we hear about these foreskin narrowing and getting painful and tearing and that kind of stuff, and that's avoided by circumcision. Go ahead.

1:19:06 Adam Let me just catch everyone up. I started the show by explaining that when System of a Down was in here about three weeks ago, they had taboo to a movie that I've been looking for for about 16 years and that they were going to send me out a copy. I called John from System of a Down about two weeks ago, gave my address and asked him to send me a copy, and I've been chomping at the bit to get this tape ever since. I decided I needed it tonight. He called in and I'm coming over there. I don't care whether you're home or not. I'll drive the car through the front door like Darryl Gates and tear that place apart until I find that video. John?

1:19:45 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:19:47 Adam Now we talked to John a half hour ago on the air, and he said that I was going to come over tonight and get this Taboo 2 from him.

1:19:54 Caller It's still happening.

1:19:55 Drew What's up?

1:19:55 Adam Oh, it is?

1:19:56 Caller Yeah, I'm just over at my bass player's house.

1:19:57 Guest We're playing poker right now.

1:19:59 Drew Well, Adam's on his way out there now.

1:20:01 Adam Yeah, I'm coming out a little early.

1:20:03 Caller You're already on your way there, huh?

1:20:04 Drew No, I'm not, but he was going to leave the show. I was going to finish him because he can't work in this condition.

1:20:09 Adam I can't focus.

1:20:10 Caller I think it's cool, man.

1:20:11 Caller Suffer a little bit and you'll appreciate it that much more.

1:20:13 Adam No, no, no. I started suffering two weeks ago when I put the call in to you.

1:20:18 Caller You got to understand, man. We went to Europe and we played the Sabbath shows and everything.

1:20:21 Caller You know about that.

1:20:22 Adam Yeah, I know. But you know how many times I've heard that we went to Europe and played with Sabbath excuse?

1:20:28 Guest All right, dude, look, as soon as you get out of there, call me. And I'll run over to my house.

1:20:32 Caller I'll give you the tape.

1:20:33 Adam OK, listen.

1:20:33 Guest I'll put you out of your misery in another week.

1:20:35 Caller I'll have you part three.

1:20:37 Adam John, John, listen to me. How long is it going to take you to get from your bass player's house to your house?

1:20:44 Caller It'll take me less time than it will for you to get there from where you're at.

1:20:47 Adam I don't I want I want I want in minutes of time. I want minutes because I drive tops.

1:20:53 Guest Fifteen tops extra fast.

1:20:55 Caller Just for you.

1:20:55 Adam Well, no, no, no, I don't want you to get an accident. I mean, before you get the tape after that, you become expendable. Well, don't get me wrong. I don't wish any harm upon you. I'm just saying if something happens, it happens. Oh, my God. I can't control things. All right. So you're you're what city you in right now? I'm in Burbank. You're in Burbank. And you've got to go to West Hills, North Hills, North Hills.

1:21:17 Guest Yeah.

1:21:17 Adam What are you doing living out there?

1:21:19 Drew You know, it's going to take you 25 minutes.

1:21:20 Adam So, you know, OK, I'm going to call you from the car during a commercial.

1:21:25 Guest You got it.

1:21:26 Adam All right, John. And, you know, stay near the phone, right?

1:21:29 Guest Well, I got my cell phone.

1:21:30 Adam But it makes sure the battery is good and everything. We got your cell phone number, right?

1:21:33 Guest Yeah.

1:21:34 Adam OK, John.

1:21:35 Guest All right.

1:21:35 Caller I'll see you in a few.

1:21:36 Guest All right.

1:21:36 Drew You got to help me out, John. Help me out here.

1:21:38 Caller I'm doing what I can for you.

1:21:39 Guest I feel your pain.

1:21:40 Drew No, no, it's not. My pain is I got a partner here that can't function.

1:21:43 Caller Hey, John.

1:21:44 Caller I might have it messaged over to you right now.

1:21:47 Adam John, don't tease him. Don't do it.

1:21:49 Drew I'm the one who'll take the punishment for it.

1:21:51 Adam Say, let me ask.

1:21:52 Caller Now you have to go out and see this tape. It's a must.

1:21:54 Adam I'll bring it in tomorrow. And at the shake case, handcuff to my wrist.

1:22:00 Caller You may not be able to walk tomorrow.

1:22:01 Adam I may have to phone in the show tomorrow. Hey, John.

1:22:04 Drew I always saw the penis back on.

1:22:05 Adam John, seriously, let me just ask. It's going to take me at least 15 minutes to get from your place in North Hills back to my place in Hollywood. So, do you got some paper towels?

1:22:19 Drew The NVCR.

1:22:19 Caller If you want, dude, I have a ground-down system.

1:22:21 Guest You can just chill in my room and I'll leave.

1:22:25 Caller No.

1:22:25 Drew Don't tease him.

1:22:27 Adam I have very delicate sensibilities. All right, John, I'm going to call you from my car in about five minutes.

1:22:33 Guest All right, cool.

1:22:34 Adam All right, be ready. Thank you. Okay. Well, for a minute, I thought this wasn't going to go down. Dear Stan, people talk about, you know, what's exciting. You know, is doing a TV show exciting? It's doing a radio show. So what about that billboard show? That was a big show. Is that exciting? No, that's work. This is exciting. This is good. All right, what I'm going to do, Drew, is I'm going to I'm going to run to my car.

1:22:59 Drew First, you're going to call John.

1:23:02 Adam I'm going to call him from my car. Yeah. And I'm going to slap that siren on the top, like Starsky and Hutch.

1:23:07 Drew The red light.

1:23:08 Adam Yeah. The one where I just reach around and slap it on the top. And I like drive through trash cans and down alleys and, you know, chase hobos down and they're going to dive into cardboard. It's a lot of cardboard to dive into.

1:23:21 Drew Yeah.

1:23:22 Adam All right. This is good. Let's just take just take one last call before I hit the road.

1:23:26 Drew I mean, I've got some medical calls I can go through there while you're I'm going to get on my phone. I know. But you're going to have a few minutes to get together and settle direction with John and you five minutes.

1:23:35 Adam OK. North Hills. That's off the 170 out there.

1:23:39 Drew Yeah. And you know the hotline number here. You got to go up to 405. You're going to be on you're going to be on freeway for a while anyway.

1:23:45 Caller OK.

1:23:45 Adam So all right. If any of our friends from the Culver City PD are listening, I could use an escort to the outskirts of town. I could trim about 35, 40 seconds off my commute.

1:23:55 Drew If I could do that right now.

1:23:56 Caller All right.

1:23:57 Caller We'll go to Bright.

1:23:57 Adam We'll be back.

1:23:58 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:24:00 Adam OK.

1:24:01 Caller Let's do it.

1:24:02 Guest Call Loveline.

1:24:03 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, we'll be right back. Well, here's how it's made.

1:24:35 Drew And welcome back, it's Loveline, I'm Dr. Drew. Adam Corolla is on route to meet with John from Systems of the Down to retrieve his beloved Taboo 2. What is with that? Can you have that, why am I such a loser drop handy, will you please? No, no, give me the one I want.

1:24:54 Caller Why am I such a loser?

1:24:57 Drew That's right. Anyway, he'll be calling in on his car phone, and what's funny, we were saying as he was leaving, that people were probably thinking that he's sitting in another room pretending to be on his car phone, or pretending to be in his car. He's in his car heading for the 405. He's not listening to us right now because he's actually speaking to John from Systems of a Down. But we got some interesting calls I'm going to get through here. This is Sean 25. Sean?

1:25:15 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew.

1:25:16 Drew Hey, sir, what's up?

1:25:17 Caller Nothing much. I got a best friend of mine who just graduated college and she's tried Ecstasy for the first time, and she really enjoyed it. And we were talking about it and I was kind of curious as to what it contains and what are some of the long-term effects of short-term usage?

1:25:36 Drew It's a stimulant, an amphetamine basically, that's been altered to give it hallucinogenic properties. And it's one of the scarier drugs out there right now. It's, boy, I wish I could, we were talking about this during the break, interestingly, but I wish I could give people my perspective on these drugs. Now I'm treating all these 40-year-olds for depression who were using stimulants and hallucinogens in their 40s, in their 20s, excuse me. It's such a common syndrome these days. The brain gets injured, gets depleted of serotonin, and you need to be on antidepressants. And it is a very unpleasant experience. Acid being the worst drug in terms of causing this syndrome, ecstasy being one of the drugs I worry about has perhaps number two or three behind acid. Jeff is 14, Jeff?

1:26:17 Caller Yeah.

1:26:19 Drew What's going on, real quick?

1:26:20 Caller Huh?

1:26:21 Drew What's up?

1:26:22 Caller I have a question. I've heard you say that, like, genital warts go away by themselves after a while.

1:26:28 Drew Sometimes.

1:26:29 Caller Sometimes?

1:26:29 Drew Yeah.

1:26:30 Caller Do they totally go away?

1:26:31 Drew Sometimes.

1:26:32 Caller All right, because what a lady told us from public health service at our high school is that they don't go away at all.

1:26:41 Drew Well, this is a, I'm not surprised that they would teach it to you that way. This is actually a controversial issue. The medical literature is replete with discussion about this right now. And there is good evidence that in many cases it will go away in 3 to 5 years. But for those people for whom there is persistent viral infection, with women that have the persistent infection, those are the ones that are going to get cervical cancer. And you can't predict for whom it's going to be persistent or which virus is going to go away. So assume they're going to stick around. All right?

1:27:09 Guest Thank you.

1:27:09 Drew All right.

1:27:10 Guest Bye.

1:27:11 Drew Hey, Adam.

1:27:12 Guest Drew.

1:27:13 Drew Yeah, where are you?

1:27:14 Guest I'm on the 405.

1:27:16 Drew Oh, man. You all right?

1:27:18 Guest Yeah.

1:27:19 Adam I'm good.

1:27:20 Drew All right, cowboy.

1:27:21 Adam It's like smoking the bandit.

1:27:24 Drew All right. We'll take some calls, all right?

1:27:27 Caller Sounds good.

1:27:28 Drew You sound unusually sort of exhilarated.

1:27:30 Guest I'm alive. For the first time in my life, I'm alive.

1:27:34 Adam Are you...

1:27:35 Drew Do you have both hands on the wheel?

1:27:36 Guest No.

1:27:37 Drew Please? You got to get...

1:27:40 Adam I have one on the phone and the other on my penis.

1:27:44 Drew Great. John 16. John.

1:27:46 Adam Drew.

1:27:47 Drew Hey.

1:27:47 Caller Hey, you guys are great. Adam.

1:27:50 Adam Hey, John, where do you live?

1:27:51 Caller Maybe I can stop by your house and pick up some porno.

1:27:54 Caller Yeah, I got a bunch of tapes you can have, man.

1:27:57 Drew He's 16, Adam.

1:27:58 Guest He would be 16 year old's half today.

1:28:01 Caller I live in the old way, man.

1:28:03 Drew And this is all... This whole quest tonight for you is all about reliving your youth, isn't it?

1:28:07 Caller Yes, it is.

1:28:07 Drew No, no, for Adam.

1:28:08 Caller Oh. Right.

1:28:10 Drew All right.

1:28:11 Guest So what's the question?

1:28:13 Caller Yeah, can I... I got a Planner's Ward on my hand.

1:28:15 Drew Yeah.

1:28:15 Caller And I was wondering, like, can that be transferred to my penis through, like, masturbation?

1:28:19 Drew I've never heard of such a thing. In fact, it's kind of unusual to get one on your hands. Are you in manual labor or something? Do you use those?

1:28:26 Caller I don't know. I've had it all my life. So, I mean, I've gotten it frozen, like, 18 times. Wow.

1:28:30 Drew That's interesting.

1:28:31 Caller It won't go...

1:28:31 Caller Is that a Planner's Ward, he says?

1:28:33 Drew Yeah.

1:28:34 Caller What's the difference a ward and a Planner's Ward?

1:28:37 Drew A Planner's Ward are deep. They go in.

1:28:41 Caller And why do they call them Planters' Ward?

1:28:42 Drew I don't know. Good question.

1:28:45 Caller And is it a ward that a guy who's planting would get, or is Planter the name of the guy who discovered the ward, or are they deep planted in your skin?

1:28:54 Drew I don't know. All right. How about that?

1:28:56 Caller You still don't know. Even with all those possible scenarios, you still don't know.

1:29:00 Drew I don't know. I know what they are. I know how to treat them. This is Sean, 22.

1:29:04 Caller Yeah. This is sort of a two question thing. I was with a girl last night, and she was around about 5'3, 5'4, and I'm a big guy. I'm about 6'4. And first of all, this never happened before to me. When we were making out, she used to pull out my unit, and she started massaging it, right? And it sort of grew larger and larger, and I was like, wow, I can't believe it. And she was like, no, I can't do this. There's no way. It won't fit. I was like, oh my god, this is not happening. It's never happened to me like that before. I was like, you know, I like small girls, and I was wondering if this would give me a problem down the road.

1:29:47 Drew Adam, you've had lots of...

1:29:47 Caller I've always liked that.

1:29:48 Drew You've had many experiences like this, right?

1:29:51 Caller Yeah, this happened to me once, except for instead of the phrase, this won't fit, I got the phrase, is it in? I have no idea. This has never happened before. Are you exceptionally wide? Yeah, I'm wide here right now, man. This sucks. You know, I was like, all fit to go and everything. It's like, wow.

1:30:13 Drew What do you want? What do you exactly asking us?

1:30:16 Caller I mean, is this a problem with a lot of small girls? Because we are like small girls.

1:30:20 Drew Yes, there is such a thing as a disproportion anatomy.

1:30:24 Caller Really?

1:30:25 Drew Some people just don't work together. And in fact, we get more complaints about this kind of disproportion than Adam's kind of disproportion. It seems to be more of a significant issue. And Mark, 20. Mark?

1:30:39 Guest I got a problem.

1:30:40 Caller Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. And she's 18.

1:30:48 Caller And we're both from here in LA.

1:30:50 Caller And Drew, I heard you give a lot of advice to people in my situation in the past. I just never really listened, so I'm calling today. It turns out that we're both broke.

1:31:02 Caller And she decided she wants to have an abortion.

1:31:05 Caller And she's not insured either. And I don't know what to do.

1:31:09 Adam It is insurance cover and abortion?

1:31:12 Drew I would think they would. I think Medi-Cal does, too, in fact.

1:31:14 Caller I mean, I'm insured, but she isn't.

1:31:16 Caller I don't know if that helps.

1:31:17 Drew No, I don't think so. I really believe you're going to have to check out Planned Parenthood or a county facility. You can check out either LA. County Women's Hospital or Planned Parenthood. What's the, it's 1-800-PLAN, P-L-A-N-N-E-D.

1:31:31 Caller I know Planned Parenthood.

1:31:33 Guest What happens there? Do they do it for free or is it like expensive?

1:31:37 Drew No, I think, I don't know. I believe most places, it's different, different. Each Planned Parenthood is run separately. I believe they would do it differently in different centers and I suspect most places would do it for essentially whatever you can pay.

1:31:49 Guest Oh, really?

1:31:50 Drew But I don't know that.

1:31:51 Guest How much is an abortion?

1:31:54 Drew If you're paying?

1:31:55 Caller Yeah, I mean, what is the, I know a lot of it is pay what you can, but how much would it be?

1:32:01 Drew I don't know, because I presume you'd have to pay for an operating room and you have to pay the doctor's time and the hospital room time and the medications.

1:32:08 Caller Didn't it used to be about 400, 500 bucks?

1:32:10 Drew That's what I was thinking, but I don't know. I can't say that accurately now. So, but he really, you need to check out some, check out the county facilities. There's lots of available services over there for, again, a very limited fee. And Planned Parenthood has options available. In each community in Los Angeles, there are usually resources available. I don't know where he's calling from specifically, so I can't give you a specific direction. But make sure it's something she wants to do. Make sure you get a good deal of counseling so she can make an informed decision about this. And Adam, we're out of show here.

1:32:39 Caller No, we're not.

1:32:40 Drew Well, you've got a whole show ahead, I understand.

1:32:42 Guest That's right.

1:32:43 Caller I have like the 4th of July in my bedroom.

1:32:45 Drew Oh, God.

1:32:46 Caller This is great.

1:32:47 Guest I'm just heading over the hill into the beautiful valley. Never looked so beautiful.

1:32:53 Caller Drew?

1:32:54 Drew Yeah, we'll be celebrating on your behalf.

1:32:56 Adam Thank you very much.

1:32:57 Drew And I'm going to let you go now, okay?

1:32:59 Guest All right, fantastic. Andy Dick tomorrow night.

1:33:01 Drew Andy Dick. And yes, it's interestingly that he would be tomorrow night's guest, isn't it?

1:33:06 Adam That's right.

1:33:07 Caller Very ironic.

1:33:08 Adam And you'll be back, Drew, to say good night, won't you?

1:33:11 Drew Yes, absolutely.

1:33:12 Adam All right.

1:33:13 Caller Thank you for holding down the ship.

1:33:15 Adam And I love all of you very much.

1:33:18 Drew And we'll be back in just a minute.

1:33:19 Caller Bye-bye. Loveline will be right back.

1:33:53 Drew Indeed, another Loveline has come to a close in a rather auspicious way. I'm Dr. Drew, Adam Corolla is speeding his way down the 405 freeway. Godspeed, my good man. He's in a relentless pursuit of some bizarre pornography that I guess I'll hear. We all will have to be subjected to again tomorrow night, so we'll see what happens. Again, I appreciate your calls tonight. We'll be here again, Adam and I. Tomorrow night, Andy Dick is our guest, and on his behalf, I'm saying this evening, mahalo.

1:34:18 Caller Why am I such a loser?

1:34:20 Guest Well now, this has been Loveline.

1:34:22 Caller The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Sunday, December 26, 1999