Episode 1000754887091

4:32 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

4:37 Adam 100 LLV, E191, fax number 3108544455, Dr. Drew's board certified physician, and addiction medicine specialist.

4:47 Drew I just walked in too.

4:48 Adam No, you didn't?

4:49 Drew Oh, just.

4:49 Adam Oh, really?

4:50 Drew Oh, yeah. I got you, I hadn't gotten you off that freeway.

4:55 Adam Yeah, Drew called me, told me the 10 was all bottled up and to get off, and I have when I first started doing this show, I think I used to leave my house about 830, 845 in the evening. And then I pushed that back to about maybe close to nine. And then it got to about 910. And now it's going to be about 930 and change when I leave my house. And the thing that's good is, is I live over 20 minutes away. I just don't leave much of a buffer zone. I pulled in here about 30 seconds ago and Drew pulled in about 45 seconds ago. And Brian Krause, when did you pull in?

5:36 I was early.

5:37 Adam Oh, you were?

5:38 Yeah, I gave a big buffer there.

5:40 Good.

5:41 Adam I like to hear that. Brian is from Charmed, of course. And where the hell is your bio? What the hell is going on with you? All right. Let's talk about Charmed. Go ahead.

5:54 Oh, Charmed. Gosh, it's a wonderful show on the WB. Three fantastically beautiful, talented women. Their healer, guide, white lighter.

6:05 Adam Yeah. Yeah. What season are you in?

6:08 We just began our third. Our third kicks off tomorrow night.

6:12 Adam And what's that there, Geronimo? Yeah, I know. That was a new show. It means you're getting old, by the way, when stuff's been around for a long time.

6:20 Drew You think it's new.

6:21 Adam Yeah, like you start going to Houston. Well, they were the Houston Oilers just last season, weren't they? I mean, oh, the one that and someone goes like, you know, the Browns left Cleveland in 72. And you're like, huh? Well, no, I know they left a few years ago. But you know what I'm talking about?

6:40 Drew They are back, aren't they?

6:42 Adam I don't know where they are. The point is, is things that you think happened six months ago, happened six years ago.

6:48 Drew That's age.

6:49 Adam That's age.

6:50 Drew Yeah.

6:50 Adam Right. Like for your dad, the Korean War was just last week, right? Still talking about it. Still waking up night and waking up at night and throwing punches in the air.

7:02 All right.

7:02 Adam So I'll tell you what, Brian, you know how this show works?

7:06 I listened to it quite a few times.

7:07 Adam Oh, really?

7:08 Yeah.

7:09 Actually was on the show about 10 years ago.

7:11 Adam Thank God I wasn't here. I was going to be humiliated.

7:14 And again, it seems like yesterday. So, you know, you know what I heard?

7:18 Adam I heard that show you did 10 years ago where you said, Hey, in about seven years, we're going to be doing a show called Charmed. Right now, I'm cleaning carpet. What were you what were you talking about seven years? I mean, 10 years ago? You know what project?

7:33 No clue.

7:34 Oh, and something.

7:35 Your return to the Blue Lagoon.

7:37 Adam Oh, was that you?

7:39 Yeah, a while ago, me and Mila Jovovich.

7:42 Adam We were she was in return to the blue. The Brook Shields didn't make it back to the little girl.

7:48 I'm Brook Shields like son, the little baby they had in the first one grown up.

7:54 Adam Because Christopher Atkins knocked her up at the end of the first Blue Lagoon. That was as close to porn as we had in those days. Oh, yeah. 1979 or whatever. I don't know what the first year first one was. 1979, maybe 80, something like that. I mean, could you remember getting it up for that, Drew? We're going to check out Blue Lagoon. Come on, dude. This is great. Brook Shields is wearing a loincloth, dude. Yeah. So at the very end of the first Blue Lagoon, which for those of you who weren't born then, and a lot of our callers or listeners that weren't born then, Christopher Atkins, don't worry about him.

8:33 Drew Their moms weren't born then.

8:34 Adam And Brook Shields got washed up on some island. They ended up falling in love. Then at the very end of the movie, Brook had a kid. And was it the very end where the kid got like dropped in a rowboat or something?

8:48 Yeah, they all took off in a rowboat and they ate the berries. They were supposed to make a sleep for a while. It killed them. But the kid, which everybody forgets, he spit them out or threw them up or whatever. And he was thinking sequel.

9:00 Adam And you were like, the kid wasn't really, was it you? No, it wasn't you. You weren't the actor by the infant. The kid was like 18 months. And there used to be this real good premise that if you took like a toddler and left them somewhere in the desert or the outback or in the jungle, eventually an animal would come around and raise it. I don't know if people still subscribe so heavily to that theory. I think it's more like just sort of dive exposure eaten by hyenas now. Remember the sort of premise that... Yeah, you left somebody out. Eventually, a kindly animal would come around.

9:35 Drew No, it would otherwise be a dangerous animal. It's a wolf or a bear.

9:40 Adam Took some pity.

9:41 Took some pity.

9:43 I'm not going to eat you.

9:44 Adam Yeah. I mean, you know how... You know when a bear sees a little white 14-month-old, you know, a bear's got a soul. So you were raised and then you were on there with Mila Jovovich, Vond Jovov... Really? That was her? Yeah. Jesus. That was a while ago. All right. So that's what you're plugging. Is that coming out the video now?

10:07 It's been on video, yeah, a while.

10:09 Adam Okay.

10:09 Yeah.

10:10 Adam All right. So charmed, everyone. WB and... Well, you know the routine. It was just 10 years ago. Kim?

10:17 Hi.

10:17 Adam You're 13.

10:18 Caller Yeah.

10:19 Adam What's up?

10:19 Caller I love you. I don't know what to do. Great. On the toilet earlier, I had like water coming out on... I mean like pee coming out on like my butt and like both holes. I just wanted to know like what that was.

10:34 Drew That's diarrhea.

10:36 Adam Yeah. Well, I'm scared to ask, but what was coming out of the front hole? Some solid? Pee. Okay.

10:42 Caller Yeah, it was like pee.

10:42 Adam Oh, both holes. Simultaneously.

10:44 Drew You've never had bad diarrhea like that, right?

10:46 Caller It wasn't. I don't think it was diarrhea because it was like just clear.

10:49 Drew No, that's diarrhea. It's bad diarrhea.

10:51 Adam Oh, really? The clear, the less duke, the worse the diarrhea?

10:56 Drew Unless you haven't had any surgeries or anything like that.

10:58 Adam No.

10:59 Drew I mean, there are rare fistulas, there's sort of connections that can occur to the bladder, but really just a bad diarrhea is probably what we're talking about.

11:04 Adam You mean like when a river jumps its bank and connects with another river? Yeah. Interesting.

11:11 Drew That's the thing that came to the surface in your rear.

11:14 Adam First off, how dare you speak of my rear that way?

11:18 How dare you?

11:20 Adam What happened? What are you talking about?

11:22 Drew This is the outside world here.

11:24 Adam Whose rear is that?

11:25 Drew This is yours.

11:26 Adam Put some more hair on it.

11:27 Drew It's not hair. This is where stuff comes out.

11:28 Adam I know, but I like this.

11:29 Drew The hair is all out here. I agree.

11:31 Adam My hair does not hang down that way, gross, like moss.

11:35 Drew Remember when you had something grow right around here, right?

11:37 Adam I had a carbuncle on my ass.

11:39 Drew Sometimes that's a fistula that comes out and jumps over. I see.

11:43 Adam That was not what was attached to my ass.

11:45 Drew It might have been.

11:46 Adam How dare you? It was a skin-borne thing. It was on the surface. They burrow.

11:51 Drew It burrows down and it comes to the surface here.

11:53 Adam And then what happens?

11:54 Drew Sometimes they heal up.

11:56 Adam Sometimes?

11:56 Drew After you have to surgeries yourself.

11:58 Adam This is 15 years ago. Oh man. I would have been a great soldier. I probably could have pulled a bullet out of my leg right out there in a trench. All right. Kim? Yeah? You have probably diarrhea.

12:10 Caller Can I ask a quick question?

12:11 Adam Did you have upset stomach?

12:13 Caller No.

12:14 Adam You felt fine?

12:15 Caller Yeah. It was just really weird.

12:16 Adam What kind of sound did it make?

12:18 Caller It sounded like a pee coming out.

12:20 Adam Really? Sure?

12:22 Drew Yeah.

12:22 Adam All right.

12:23 Caller And is 13 too young to tell when you're like bi or something?

12:30 Drew When you're bi?

12:31 Caller Yeah. You're not really sure yet.

12:34 Drew You're not really sure yet. That would be normal. I mean, everybody is not really sure yet.

12:38 Adam Oh, most people know they're like boys. Hey, Kim? Why don't you focus on a solid bowel movement, you know, and then work up to the sexuality? Okay. All right.

12:50 Drew First things first.

12:50 Adam One step at a time.

12:51 Drew If you keep having that...

12:53 Adam Let's prioritize.

12:54 Drew Call your doctor. See somebody if that keeps going more than a day.

12:59 Adam I got wee coming out of my ass, Drew. What could that be? But, Drew, is it... What's the worst diarrhea? Do you know what I mean?

13:06 Drew Cholera.

13:07 Adam I know, but what's it look like?

13:09 Drew The secretory diaries are that. Some stuff is being secreted. It's clear.

13:14 Adam It's clear. Clear as... I mean, here's what I'm saying. The solid extrusion is the best, right?

13:22 Drew The best.

13:23 Adam What's... Well, let me answer this. Let's talk about crap identification for a second.

13:30 Drew Crap ranking?

13:30 Adam Well, like, you know, I have a few buddies. You know, they got that, like, composite crap. Looks like you took a bunch of jelly beans and mashed them together. You can actually see like a little jigsaw made up of parts.

13:43 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

13:44 Adam Yeah. It's like, well, you know, the the upper quadrant looks good, but the mid quadrant looks a little off colored. Yeah. You have to do something about it. It looks like something a bunch of smaller crap and worked it together. I don't have that. Well, yeah, that's not my ammo. No, I'm good.

14:00 Drew Yeah. A little squiggle.

14:01 Adam I'm solid.

14:02 No, I'm not.

14:03 Drew I'm solid.

14:04 Adam That's the extrusion crap you're talking about.

14:07 Yeah.

14:07 Adam No, but what is the best one? Soft swirl or what's the best?

14:15 Drew The best is the one you produce.

14:20 You should be proud of it.

14:22 Adam You say there's no difference in health than someone who does it three times a day or someone who does it once a day.

14:29 Drew Or every other day.

14:30 Adam Or every other day. Really? Really? Really? Really? Now, see, this leads me to believe that you only do it twice a week. And that's why I defend that, because everyone else, I...

14:41 Drew Well, don't I seem healthy? Okay, rest my case.

14:45 Adam Seriously, you crap two or three days a week?

14:49 Drew I'm not even... It's certainly not three times a day.

14:50 Adam Oh, really?

14:51 Drew Certainly.

14:52 Adam Now, what is that?

14:53 Drew I have time for that.

14:54 How do you do time for that?

14:55 Adam I got a lot of time. Yeah, I take... I'll take three, sometimes four good ones a day.

15:01 Drew There was time when training, when I had, like, planned, like, a day in advance, because the time was so tight.

15:06 Adam So, like, on your calendar, it might say, um, Faginbaum wedding, take dump, like, the next day, and then, uh, Bar Mitzvah, bring car in for Lube. What?

15:17 Drew No, that's when you're writing on your calendar? You know, you understand, when you always make fun of me for not knowing what happened in the world for, like, ten years, I would not leave the hospital for days and days and days of the time.

15:26 Adam Yeah. You couldn't cry out at the hospital?

15:29 Drew It's because you're going, you're, like, in running shoes the whole time.

15:31 Caller Oh, what?

15:32 Adam That's, uh, no time to duke? Come on.

15:35 Caller You expect us to believe that?

15:37 Drew There's no time to pee.

15:38 Adam Brian, you don't believe that, do you?

15:39 I, I, uh, I can, I mean, I can understand that for sure. I want you busy, busy.

15:43 Adam You know, you work and you gotta hold it. I know you forget about it, but you don't, you know. So, Drew, you only take crap every, like, three days.

15:49 Drew No, no.

15:50 Adam Interesting.

15:50 Drew No, no, no.

15:51 Adam See, Drew, Drew defends.

15:52 Drew Probably every day.

15:53 Adam Whatever he does that's unhealthy, he defends as healthy. Whether it's eating red meat or getting his kids circumcised or whatever it is, right?

16:02 Drew All that's healthy.

16:02 Adam You're telling me the three good ones a day isn't better once every other day?

16:06 Drew Well, what illness are you going to get if it's, name that illness.

16:09 Adam It seems like the factory is running more efficiently, that the parts are going better. Okay, let me ask you this. When you're 80 years old, what's your schedule? What happens to your ass? Does it slow down or does it speed up?

16:23 Caller It slows down.

16:25 Adam So when you're 80, your crap once a month?

16:27 Drew No, then you want to make sure you go every day because if it backs up, you get into trouble.

16:30 Adam That's what I'm saying. So wouldn't it be better?

16:31 Drew That's a different issue.

16:32 Adam How dare you? Wouldn't it be better to go from three days a week, sorry, three times a day down to once a day?

16:38 Drew If there were correlation between that, yes.

16:40 Adam Yes, rather than go every other day and then now you're 80, you got to kick that pace up.

16:46 Drew This show now has no listeners.

16:48 Adam Joe?

16:49 Brian Krause Yes, sir.

16:50 Adam You're 22.

16:51 Brian Krause How's it going, y'all? Nobody's listening.

16:53 Adam I'm trying to learn. What's up?

16:56 Brian Krause Yes, sir. I'm just going to have to pardon me. I'm a little bit nervous here.

16:58 Adam All right.

17:01 Brian Krause I'm in the Army. I'm in the Armed Services. I live on the military base and about a month back, my wife was raped. Someone broke into our house on the base and raped my wife. I'm sorry. A little embarrassing to talk about this, but I know that now she's pregnant and I wanted to ask y'all about the RU-486 pill and if that has any damaging side effects or...

17:31 Adam What happened with this rape? Did they catch the guy?

17:34 Brian Krause No. We don't know who it was. The best guess I have is it was just another private on the base.

17:42 Drew Why wouldn't you want people to identify him?

17:44 Brian Krause You know, she said that she was... It was a traumatizing experience for her. You know, I'm sure you can understand that.

17:51 Adam Well, you know, here's the deal, Joe, GI. Joe. Yeah. And this would be a nightmare for me. And a nightmare for any husband, any man, to have their wife or girlfriend rape. So, you know, I sympathize wholeheartedly. On the other hand, we have to ask the tough questions on this show. And we've been doing this show long enough to know that when a woman is raped under these sort of circumstances, there might be some connection, not that she deserved it, not that she asked for it, not that it's her fault anyway, but that there's still some connection to her and her mindset emotionally. Is your wife sort of, what kind of shape is she in emotionally before the rape?

18:38 Brian Krause Um, she didn't really have that many problems. I mean...

18:41 Adam Had she been raped before?

18:42 Brian Krause Uh, not that I know of.

18:43 Adam Yeah. How was her... Was her dad a good guy?

18:46 Brian Krause Um, I don't personally like the guy.

18:48 Adam Yeah. Does she personally like him?

18:50 Brian Krause Uh, I don't think she feels very good toward him either.

18:52 Adam And why... Why... I mean, this guy breaks in the house. Is she asleep?

18:56 Brian Krause Yes. It was during the middle of the night, I was out on a, uh, service, uh, tour.

19:00 Adam Does he have, uh, a weapon of any kind?

19:03 Brian Krause Um, no. Not that, uh, she saw or knew. She, you know, she was really...

19:08 Adam Was she paralyzed?

19:09 Brian Krause Uh, so she was pretty traumatized by the situation. Uh, from one of, you know, we've gotten out of her in, uh, counseling, uh, she really has tried to, you know, block out the experience the best she can.

19:22 Drew Now, by the way, people have blocked, if this is in fact what's happened, they're blocking because they know how to block because it happened when they were much younger. Adults don't block unless they already learned that as a child. Now, why are you asking about the, are you 46?

19:35 Brian Krause Because, um, I wanted to see, I wanted to ask you all if it was a more effective procedure than a traditional abortion or if it was safer because I've, you know, I've heard occasions of, you know, people are you in favor of abortion? Well, I know the child is not mine because my wife and I always use protection.

19:51 Drew I understand, but people that are strongly against abortion would still consider it not the child's fault and might think about adoption, these sorts of things.

19:58 Brian Krause Well, I'm not against abortion in any form.

19:59 Drew Not at all. And your wife wants to get an abortion?

20:01 Brian Krause Yes.

20:01 Adam Well, how can he be against abortion? He's in the Army. He's got to kill people for a living. What's he care about if he does? And I'm with you, by the way, Joe. I'm right behind you.

20:11 Drew So, the pill is very safe. It's about 95% effective. And it should be, it's not, I don't know that it's out yet, really, but it should be available. And if she chooses to have an abortion, it's probably not as effective as a traditional procedural abortion. But it's a lot safer, a lot more pleasant.

20:27 Adam I heard you have to take a couple of pills over a certain amount of time and visit the doctor and all that kind of stuff. I wonder what percentage of folks in the army are against abortion be an interesting question to pose. I bet higher in the ranks of the enlisted men and the officers than in the general populace. What do you think?

20:49 Caller I think you're probably right.

20:50 Adam Yeah?

20:51 Caller All right.

20:52 Adam And let's talk about bowel movements.

20:53 Drew I was just looking at the clock, realized you spent 12 minutes on bowel movements. Maybe 14.

20:57 Adam Yeah. I figure I should have spent more like 20, right?

21:00 Drew Gleefully. Gleefully on bowel movements.

21:02 Adam I'm interested. I asked the tough questions. What other show would cover your ass so completely? Nick?

21:08 Brian Krause Hello?

21:09 Adam Nick, you're 20.

21:10 Brian Krause Yeah, what's up, man?

21:11 What's up?

21:12 Brian Krause Adam Corolla, man. You should be president, all right?

21:15 Adam Okay.

21:15 Drew Nick, what's your question?

21:16 Brian Krause And I got a question for Dr. Drew. I feel that I'm kind of like addicted to sex.

21:25 Drew Yeah, you sound kind of addicted to everything. Is there bipolar illness in your family?

21:28 Brian Krause No.

21:29 Drew Are you addicted to anything else?

21:31 Brian Krause No.

21:31 Drew You don't do any drugs?

21:32 Brian Krause No.

21:33 Adam Yeah. Where do you pronounce no? Naha, if you're not on drugs.

21:39 Brian Krause I'm kind of nervous, man. I'm sorry.

21:41 Adam Okay. You sure you've been hanging around with goats? No.

21:45 Brian Krause No.

21:46 Adam Okay.

21:47 Drew All right.

21:47 Adam So what? Tell us about your addiction to sex.

21:50 Brian Krause Well, it's kind of like if somebody would want to have sex with me, I would have sex with them.

21:58 Adam I see.

21:58 Drew Male or female?

21:59 Brian Krause Male or female.

22:00 Adam Oh, really?

22:01 Brian Krause Yeah.

22:01 Drew Were you sexually abused as a child?

22:03 Brian Krause Well, see, I had seizures till I was about six years old.

22:06 Drew Yeah.

22:06 Brian Krause And I can't remember my childhood. But I was told that when I was in kindergarten, I was sent home several times for holding down girls and kissing them. And that also I always tend to go to older people, like maybe like 20 years older than me.

22:24 Drew Yeah. I've seen some very strange behavioral manifestations after seizure and neurologic illnesses in childhood. So sort of all bets are off. Our usual patterns don't apply, okay?

22:36 Adam Right.

22:37 Drew But you do sound kind of manicky, among other things.

22:39 Adam It does?

22:40 Drew Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?

22:41 Brian Krause Um, no, I haven't.

22:43 Drew You ever thought about that?

22:44 Brian Krause Um, kind of, yeah.

22:46 Drew Yeah. Why don't you check that out? I mean, this may be part of an affect disturbance, like bipolar, manic depression, something like that.

22:54 Yeah, and I also have another question.

22:56 Brian Krause Um, I found out a friend of mine, her four-year-old daughter was molested.

23:00 Adam Yeah.

23:01 Brian Krause Um, what should I tell her that she should do?

23:04 Adam Who molested the kid?

23:06 Brian Krause She doesn't know.

23:07 Adam How does she know the kid was molested?

23:10 Brian Krause Well, um, she found, um, General Wartz on her, and she went to the hospital, and they said that the only way she could have gotten that was if somebody was fooling around with her.

23:19 Adam Oof. Oh, that's it. I'm going to Canada. You guys with me? Let's get out of here. We'll leave now. Drew, no time for the wife. We got to, we got to make a break for it, buddy. Oh, for Christ's sake. Let's just make ourselves some of that like a Jonestown Kool-Aid and just kill ourselves right now. You man, you got a, you got a four-year-old with that General Wartz. It's like, oh boy. The good news is, is maybe the Warts will burn themselves out by the time the kid hits puberty or something. Oh, who knows? Oh, what do you do, Drew?

23:51 Drew What do I want to do? You go get help. I mean, this is somebody, this child is going to have a lifetime of trauma survivorship.

23:57 Adam You know what I'm going to do with my kid? I'm going to strap a camera, a helmet cam to his head. Like, you know, like the NFL players wear. Like they're wearing the Arena League.

24:05 Drew Sure.

24:06 Adam Yeah, just, I'll see every person that stands in front of him. If I hear any zippers come down or I see any hairy ass. And I'll probably, I'll probably put some sort of cannon or some sort of firing device on top of the helmet. It's triggered by zippers, the sound of a zipper coming down. Jesus. Or velcro ripping. Whichever one in here is first. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, that's it. Let's kill ourselves. Brian Krause is our guest tonight. He's from Charmed. When we come back, Drew, who are we going to talk to?

24:35 Drew Danielle.

24:36 Adam All right. What does she want?

24:37 Drew She wants to get her nipples pierced.

24:38 Adam Fantastic. 15?

24:40 Drew Yeah.

24:40 Adam I'd say it's high time.

24:42 Drew Ouch!

24:42 Adam After this. All right. It's the Love Line of Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. He was just talking about a grandiosity that defies logic, everybody. Brian Krause is our guest tonight from Charmed on the W-B. This show has a bunch of hot chicks on it, and it's in its third big hit season. Do you want to add anything to that?

25:31 Caller Tomorrow night, Thursday, I want everybody to watch.

25:35 Adam Is that the season premiere?

25:36 Caller Season premiere tomorrow night, 9 o'clock.

25:39 Adam Is there any hints, any clues?

25:43 Caller We're bringing in a few different bad guys, I guess. It's going to kind of recur for a while. You know, you got to tune in and check it out.

25:56 Adam How's Alyssa Milano to work with?

25:59 Caller She's awesome. All of them are just, it's a lot of fun to go into work.

26:03 Adam Really?

26:03 Caller Yeah, they're just, they're a lot of fun.

26:06 Drew What's that? What do you think he's going to say now?

26:08 Adam Oh yeah.

26:09 Drew We are on the air now. It sucks. Let me tell you. I know you have trouble remembering that.

26:13 Adam Oh yeah. I don't know, I would, you know me, I'd tell you.

26:16 Drew I know.

26:17 Adam Alright.

26:18 Caller A lot of fun to go into work, really?

26:19 Caller It's a lot of fun. I mean, they're all pros. I would, I'd go for minimum wage.

26:28 Caller Yeah.

26:28 Adam Fifteen?

26:29 Caller Yeah.

26:29 Adam You want to get your nipples pierced?

26:31 Caller Yeah.

26:31 Adam Nice.

26:32 Caller Ouch.

26:33 Adam Yeah? Why?

26:35 Caller I don't know. I just want to.

26:38 Adam What's wrong with you? Anything?

26:39 No.

26:41 Adam Anything else going on? You got any tats or anything?

26:45 Caller My ears are just stretched. That's all.

26:49 Adam Oh, you mean you're putting those... Oh.

26:52 Nice.

26:54 Adam Fifteen?

26:55 Caller Yeah.

26:55 Adam Yeah. What do you do? Hate your parents?

26:57 Caller No.

26:58 Adam A little bit?

26:58 Drew Did they hit you when you were growing up?

26:59 Caller No.

27:00 Adam Well, hold on.

27:00 Drew Maybe.

27:01 Adam Hold on. You're calling from Africa? And you're in a tribe of some kind? We may not know, Drew. This could be a social thing. I mean, you don't...

27:09 Ba-ning-ge!

27:11 Caller Is that your mom?

27:13 Adam Is that Paul Simon? Paul Simon's latest record, everybody. It's great.

27:18 Caller What a talent.

27:20 Adam Everyone's like, Paul was smart. Paul's like, listen, I could find some black guys to sing behind me. No one will say ass. Because if you say anything now, it's like you're racist and a bad person. You don't understand. He's trying to unite the world. So it's like, oh, yes, real good. It's real good. It's excellent music.

27:34 Caller I love that stuff.

27:36 Adam Daniel?

27:36 Caller Yeah.

27:37 Adam I mean, Daniel. Really, why are you blowing up your lobes that way? I don't know. You think it looks good? Do you think that's going to turn a guy on? What do you do it for? And don't tell me for you. I don't do anything for me.

27:52 Caller I don't really care about any of you guys.

27:54 Adam All right. Well, if you don't care, then why are you putting barrels in your ear? Why go through all that work? If you don't care, act like me. Just don't shower and wear the same sweats every day. That's not caring.

28:05 Drew That's not caring.

28:06 Adam You want to see someone who doesn't care? Drew, how often I wear the same pants in here?

28:10 Drew I've never seen change.

28:11 Adam Okay. Do you ever see me wear socks?

28:13 Adam And slippers? What, three days a week?

28:16 Drew Yeah.

28:17 Adam Okay. That's not caring. Not putting bones in you. Your ears, you idiot. Of course you care.

28:24 Drew I've never seen your head. You always have a cap on.

28:26 Adam That's me in a wife because I like to take a shower.

28:28 Drew No kidding.

28:30 Adam Okay. Let's not pile on. Jesus Christ. All right. So, Danielle?

28:36 Caller Yeah.

28:36 Adam All right. I don't know. Don't do it.

28:39 Caller I was just wondering what long-term effects it might have.

28:43 Adam Go ahead and do it. But just remember this conversation.

28:46 Drew Why don't I believe that you weren't aggressively handled when you were growing up?

28:51 Caller No. I had a really good childhood.

28:54 Adam Was your dad for the piercings?

28:58 Caller No. They don't have anything wrong with them.

29:00 Adam What do you think your dad would say if he saw you with pierced nipples?

29:04 Caller He told me to take them out.

29:06 Adam Right. So, if you love your dad, why are you doing it?

29:09 Caller Well, it's not like they're going to see.

29:11 Adam Okay.

29:11 Drew But what if they did?

29:14 Caller Well, they get used to it.

29:16 Adam What's your dad do for a living?

29:18 Caller He owns some business.

29:20 Adam Oh, okay. I see. And now, ah-ha.

29:22 Drew That clears it up. Ah-ha.

29:24 Adam Ah-ha. Okay. Owns his own business. Yeah. Oh, okay. People act like business is a specific job. What do you do? Business.

29:33 Drew I own a business.

29:34 Adam Small business owner. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. That narrows it down to about 500,000 things. I see. Okay. Now, now I got a bead on you, brother. Hey, can you get me some of whatever it is you sell? What is it? Douche, tampons, whatever. Donuts? Yeah. Walkers.

29:48 Caller I don't care.

29:50 Adam Sign me up. He owns his own business? Yeah. Okay. All right. Listen.

29:55 Drew No, no. What does he do?

29:56 Adam Do what you want. Okay. What's he do?

29:58 Caller Well, it won't do anyone. Turn with facts.

30:02 Drew What does he do for a living, your dad?

30:03 Caller What does he do? He's in retail.

30:07 Drew Oh, read that. That narrows it way down.

30:10 Adam He has a business?

30:10 Medical supplies?

30:11 Adam Sell stuff?

30:13 Yeah. Donuts?

30:14 Adam Okay.

30:14 Drew Now we got, now I have to.

30:16 I have to.

30:16 Adam I stopped caring years ago, Drew. I wish you would too.

30:18 Drew What does he sell?

30:21 Caller Product. What does he sell?

30:23 Adam Hey, Daniel.

30:24 Drew Well, now I know they're trying to handle you badly, just the way you're behaving.

30:27 Adam You're an angry person.

30:28 Drew Very angry. You know, Daniel, please. Of course you are.

30:32 Adam Oh, you're 15. Good. Have fun. I don't care. That's the beauty of this show. Danny, get everything pierced. Pierced everything. You don't care. You're the happiest person in the world. You love your parents. Pierce everything and enjoy. And then men love it. Oh, when I see a woman with a barrel, side of her, they have a hubcap size hoop in her ear. I just start gushing semen. I don't care how fat and ugly she is. I see that big, you know, something I can dive through, something I can where I can rape her lobe. Oh, that's exciting to me. I don't care how grotesque, how ugly, how bad her skin is, how oily her hair is. I don't care. I see big holes under her ears. That's it. I'm in. Count me in.

31:12 Drew Danny. Yeah. 17. Yeah.

31:15 Adam Conversely, you could have the most beautiful woman in the world with no big gaping holes under her ears. Not interested. Turn off.

31:21 Caller Lose it.

31:22 Adam Couldn't get it up. Danny.

31:23 Brian Krause Yeah.

31:24 Adam Brian's nodding feverishly over here.

31:26 Caller Feels the same way.

31:27 Drew What's up, Danny?

31:28 Brian Krause Well, I just want to tell you two guys, you guys are great. Everything. Thanks. And I have this girlfriend. We've been going out for like about a month now. And she keeps teasing me with sex.

31:39 Drew What does that mean?

31:40 Brian Krause Like I would go over her house. She would call me and tell me to go over her house that her parents are gonna be home. Like they go out of town for weeks at a time. And she wanted me to go over her house. And so I did. And it's not the first time it happened. I went over her house.

31:57 Adam You're saying you went to her house?

31:58 Brian Krause Yeah.

31:59 Drew You went over to her house?

32:00 Brian Krause I went there.

32:00 Adam She asked you to come to her house?

32:02 Drew Your parents weren't there?

32:03 Brian Krause Yeah.

32:03 Drew They went over to her house.

32:04 Brian Krause And she always calls me and it's not the first time she goes over to the house.

32:07 Caller Oh shut up Drew.

32:08 Adam You can turn into a bigger a-hole than I am. It's my greatest work. Turn Drew into an a-hole. Alright. Yeah. So you went by the house and?

32:18 Brian Krause And she would, I would sit down and we would talk and we would watch a movie and everything and then it would get late and I would say I would leave. But then before I would leave she would grab my hand and she would make me like rubber and all her like private places and all that.

32:35 Adam Nice.

32:36 Brian Krause And when we get close enough to do it, like I get ready to take off her shirt and everything, she stops me. Like she like puts her shirt back on and she says that I don't want to do it.

32:48 Adam Where are you guys when this is going down over at her house?

32:50 Brian Krause Yeah.

32:50 Adam Okay. And how old is she?

32:53 Brian Krause 17.

32:54 Adam 17. Is she a virgin?

32:56 Brian Krause No, she's not.

32:57 Adam Does she have much experience sexually?

33:00 Brian Krause I really don't know. I really don't ask her.

33:03 Adam What's your hunch?

33:04 Brian Krause I think she does.

33:05 Adam I mean, so my question is, it's not a situation where she's scared of a man. I mean, she's been with a man before.

33:14 Drew It's not new.

33:15 Adam It's not a new thing. So what does it feel like to you?

33:19 Drew The reason that she won't go on.

33:20 Caller He must have cash.

33:22 Brian Krause I mean, I don't know. I mean, she likes me and we've been going out for a while now. How long? It's already going to be a month and I've given her gifts. I know it doesn't matter, but I care for her a lot. And then she would stop me like right when we're going to do it. She said she doesn't want to.

33:39 Adam OK. What do you think? Do you think? OK, let me float this theory, Danny, because OK, here's a very unpopular theory, but here goes anyway. Sometimes a woman does not want to be the instigator of sex and furthermore feels like it's almost her job to say no so that she did say no. It's like me and drugs, you know? It's like when people go, hey, how about we do an eight ball? And I go, I don't think so. And they go, come on. And I go, OK. See, it's like I said, well, I don't want to do a kilo of speed tonight, you know? But they went, come on. And I went, OK, now I can sleep if I can sleep. He was already saying I didn't I didn't do it.

34:27 Drew Literally, that's like you're taking the crack pipe up your mouth and somebody pulls away. And you say, no, no, no. I see he's already underway.

34:34 Adam He put his crack pipe up to her mouth already. Yeah. So she got you going and then stopped you.

34:41 Brian Krause Yeah. And it's like not the first time it's happened. And all right.

34:44 Adam Well, why don't you talk to her about it?

34:46 Brian Krause I have.

34:46 Adam And what's she say?

34:47 Brian Krause And she would tell me that that she gives me no reason. She just goes, I don't know. And that's the end of it. But I try to keep talking to her about it.

34:53 Drew All right. That's what you got to do. Is she not ready? She's taking her time. That's fine. That's good. Relax. You'll be fine. You like her. You're into her. You're physical in many other ways. That's fine.

35:04 Adam Yeah. I hate to say, but he's got to weave a little booze into this equation. Hey, my buddy, the wheeze, you know, juice him up and go. That's what he says. Seventeen. I know it's a little young. I don't know. I don't know. You know what? Don't go on her turf. Get her over your house. Parents go away for weeks at a time.

35:23 Caller Weeks.

35:24 Caller That's what he said.

35:26 Adam Weeks. Let me check that. Her parents go away for weeks at a time.

35:30 Brian Krause Yeah, because they work on one's a flight attendant and the other one's a business man. He does something. I don't know.

35:38 Adam Well, he said they go away for weeks.

35:40 Brian Krause And I would be there to talk to her and everything.

35:43 Adam She'll be alone at the house for weeks.

35:45 Brian Krause Yeah, but sometimes she would go over her grandma's house.

35:48 Adam OK, but still, that's jackpot there for a 17 year old guy. Jack, that's hitting the puberty lottery. That is a lottery. Your mom, would it take a shoehorn and a bucket of lard to get her out of that front door? My god damn mom chained herself to the bed.

36:07 Caller Could get her out of her house.

36:08 Adam Have to pick up one side of the house and shake it to get her, just to get her one side of it. Or get her out of the house. Your mom wasn't going anywhere, was she?

36:18 Drew No. Nor are we going anywhere when kids hit 17. I'm telling you. I got news for you. I'm putting this in those steady cams to go to the camps.

36:25 Adam Yeah, steady cam. Drew's working on a hologram.

36:28 Drew Oh yeah.

36:33 Adam He starts making himself nine feet tall. He'll be standing by the door of this arms cross, smoking a pipe in a car again. Your dad doesn't talk much, does he? Oh, he's big. Look at him. Very menacing. Seriously, your mom was a housewife, was she? So she didn't go anywhere?

36:50 Drew No.

36:50 Adam I mean, you weren't scorned.

36:51 Caller I mean, you had a girlfriend, right?

36:52 Drew Yeah.

36:53 Adam Where did you guys find your intimate time? Just where were her folks around?

37:00 Drew Yeah.

37:01 Adam Your mom was hanging during the day, right?

37:03 Drew Yeah. There was no jackpot time.

37:05 Adam No. They go away for weeks at a time. Eventually, you'd be banging.

37:10 Drew Camping.

37:11 Adam You'd be screwing in their room. You know what I'm saying?

37:13 Drew Yeah.

37:14 Adam If your parents left for weeks at a time, you had a girlfriend, 17, you'd eventually work your way into boffin in their bed. I don't know how, but then they would catch you through having sex in their bed by leaving some stain or finding a condom wrapper or something. You would go camping, right? That's the way to go. We're going camping. Yeah. Camping needs to be changed. What did I say we need to change?

37:34 Drew Raping.

37:34 Adam Raping makes more sense. Yeah. Sammy. Oh, Sammy.

37:43 Caller Oh, Sammy's asleep.

37:44 Drew That's a girl, too.

37:46 Caller Sammy's getting it on.

37:48 Adam Sammy's I think my ass conversation put her down. Sammy's been on hold for 60 minutes. She's a, a gal.

38:04 Drew Haven't had a good snore in a long time.

38:05 Adam No, and never a girl. I'm picturing a big gal. I ain't picturing a spokesmodel. I don't know why. You don't hear about the model snoring. Maybe people just put up with it more. You know what I mean? Like, you're big and ugly, you're snoring, you get a big, you get an elbow in the ribs. You're like some hot model, you're snoring.

38:27 Caller You snore whatever.

38:28 Drew That's cute.

38:29 Caller You stink up the house.

38:31 Adam Yeah, that's cute. It's so cute the way she snores. Yeah, I'm going down to the sofa. That's cool. Maybe I'll get some sex tomorrow. Fat chick snores like you whack her on the frying pan.

38:41 Drew Relax, Adam. My God.

38:43 Caller It's funny.

38:44 Drew It's funny.

38:46 Adam No, not me. I'm talking about society, brother. All right. Let's keep saying that we'll check back on it.

38:53 Drew Oh, yeah.

38:57 Adam Now, what I would like...

38:58 Drew Deviated septum there.

38:59 Adam I would like to check back... I hope Sammy makes the whole show.

39:03 Drew Yeah.

39:04 Adam We've had a few of these shows. We check back with the person every 15, 10 minutes, saw them logs. As a matter of fact, that's when the gambling begins. You know what I'm saying?

39:14 Drew No.

39:15 Adam When you check back, let's say, what do you think? What kind of odds are you going to lay that you're still snoring at 11 o'clock?

39:21 Drew I think.

39:22 Adam See what I'm saying?

39:22 Drew I think.

39:23 Adam Nice. Nick? Yeah.

39:25 Brian Krause Hey, what's up?

39:26 Adam You're 16. What's going on?

39:28 Brian Krause I got a project for one of my classes, and it's about good ideas that never were.

39:33 Adam Oh, not another shrine to me.

39:36 No, no, no shrine.

39:37 Caller But I was just wondering if you want me to represent one of your good ideas in front of the classroom.

39:42 Adam Oh, okay. Yeah. Good ideas that never worked?

39:45 Caller Yeah.

39:45 Drew Or that never came to be?

39:46 Adam Never came to be. No. Well, I got a few.

39:51 Drew Love Gromit.

39:52 Adam The Love Gromit, that basically foam rubber doughnut you put around your penis when you're having sex, so you don't bottom out on the woman's cervix.

39:59 Drew That'll go over great in the 10th grade history class.

40:02 Adam Let's see. I got an idea, the shotgun beer with the pull tabs on both sides, so you kids can get loaded faster. Let's say it's Saturday night. The movie is going to start in 20 minutes in your stone cold sober. You got a six pack. You got to pound it before you hit the road. Shotgun. Pull that tab on both sides. No longer the pain and humiliation of shoving a ballpoint pen through the side of the can.

40:28 Drew I do believe you had more savory inventions somewhere. Maybe some innovations.

40:34 Adam I'll tell you the, what's that? What is that Anderson? Oh, yeah.

40:40 Drew What?

40:40 Adam Oh, this is why I need to be president. Thank you, Anderson. I'm going to magnetize change. Coins. I'm going to magnetize a nice big ball of change. You know what I'm saying? How many goddamn times do you sit in your car and you lean back and hear jingle, jingle, jingle, clap it, roll, roll, roll? I got a goddamn piggy bank floating under the seat of my car. I got change floating everywhere. It's in the sofa. It's all over the...

41:02 Drew And you can probably put information to those magnetic elements too.

41:05 Adam Magnify the change. You got a big ball of change. You peel a quarter off.

41:11 Drew There's your deal. All right. Sounds good. All right.

41:13 Adam Yeah. It's great.

41:14 Drew You can throw it at the refrigerator when you get home.

41:17 Adam Yeah. You hold a picture up on the fridge, a note with a big ball of change. All a car, cars wouldn't need change holes. Just a little strip of metal. Throw it there. And bums would no longer be able to do that annoying thing where they rattle the cuff.

41:31 Drew Yeah, but there's a big, big ball of stuff in there. So it's like a rock in the can.

41:36 Adam Who cares? You don't know if there's an apple in there or quarters. It's one ball. Magnetized change.

41:42 Drew Change, yes.

41:42 Adam Oh, my God. I think I could win the presidency based on that simple idea. How many times do you sit down in your car seat and hurt a bunch of... You know when you wear sweatpants? You go to the liquor store and you buy something, you lean back in your car and it just goes spilling out all over the place. Yeah. That's all. Thanks for bringing that up, Anderson. I almost forgot about that. All right. We'll be back after this.

42:21 Regularly Scheduled Programming.

42:26 Adam NRK. Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla. That'd be Dr. Drew over there. Brian Krause is our guest tonight. He's from Charmed. Got the big season premiere coming up Thursday night, tomorrow night, nine o'clock, on the WB. Third season.

42:52 Caller Third season. Check it out.

42:54 Adam And this is, is this the week, is this the week all the shows are having their big?

43:00 Drew They kind of stagger it these days.

43:01 Caller Yeah, I think with the Olympics, it's kind of pushed everybody back.

43:05 Drew No, they just, they, they, over the last couple years, they all sort of staggered.

43:08 Caller For sure. Some people want to be open first or closed first, and, you know, they don't want overlapping premieres and stuff like that.

43:14 Adam I, I saw the, I was watching, I guess it was NBC tonight, and I saw the Olympic logo on, with their little ghost that they have, the NBC logo, and I thought, I thought that's over.

43:26 Yeah.

43:27 Adam Do they want us to remember them as the station?

43:29 Drew Yes, the sponsor of the Olympics, yes.

43:31 Adam But, does it do us any good that it's over? You know what I mean? You think they just screwed up and left that on there, or they just want us to keep thinking about it?

43:39 Drew They paid a lot of money for the Olympics. They want to give a mileage out of it.

43:41 Adam Oh my God. I could never, ever run anything. I'd be outraged at everything.

43:47 Drew Yeah.

43:48 Adam If I ran Pepsi or Coke, and someone wanted to do a Super Bowl spot, and they told me it was $5 million, I'd be, you're insane. You're so high. We'll buy 10, 25 trucks.

43:57 Drew Instead.

43:57 Adam 25 trucks instead. Let them run their 30 second spot with the polar bears chugging Pepsi or whatever. Those idiots. I'll buy 25 trucks and a new bottling plant for the same money. No way. What do you think the Olympics cost NBC?

44:13 Drew I don't want to think about it.

44:14 Caller I heard they took 3 million pounds or something of Starbucks coffee or something like crazy like that down to Australia.

44:21 Adam Really?

44:22 Caller Yeah.

44:22 Adam They don't have that over there? They don't need any coffee over there. Christine?

44:29 Caller Oh, hi.

44:30 Adam You're 19. What's up?

44:33 Caller For the past 10 months...

44:36 Adam Wait, hold on a second. I want to see if Sammy's still snoring. Let's all be quiet.

44:42 Caller That's good.

44:43 Drew Good times.

44:48 Caller Okay.

44:49 Adam Sammy's our official snorer for the evening.

44:51 Four.

44:52 Adam Christine?

44:53 Caller Yeah, hi.

44:54 Adam I'm sorry. 19.

44:54 Caller Is he still sleeping? Oh, yeah. Okay. For the past 10 months now, I've been having pain with intercourse.

45:01 Drew At what point? During?

45:02 Caller During and after. It gets red and puffy and it burns when I urinate.

45:08 Drew Okay. So it's more of a sort of vaginal irritation you get?

45:12 Caller Yeah. It also hurts during the penetration and everything. And I can't... I've been putting in suppositories and stuff from all the gynecologists and all these creams. And that even hurts to insert.

45:23 Drew Is he using a condom or anything?

45:25 Caller I've tried that too. I've tried absolutely everything. Huh.

45:30 Drew Is this your first sexual partner?

45:31 Caller No, this is my second.

45:33 Drew And this is the first time anything like this has happened?

45:35 Caller Yeah.

45:36 Drew Is there any chance you've got herpes?

45:37 Caller I've been tested for every STD because I was raped 13 months ago.

45:43 Drew Hmm. You think maybe this could be a residual of that experience?

45:47 Caller I don't think so because I'm having a lot of discharge and I keep getting vaginitis, recurrent infections.

45:55 Drew Well, but that's where the pain and irritation comes from.

45:57 Caller Really?

45:58 Drew Well, wait a minute.

45:59 Adam What happened with the rape?

46:01 Caller Um, nothing really.

46:04 Adam Oh, it's basic rape?

46:06 Caller What? No, it was rape. I just didn't do anything about it. I mean, I got all tests done to make sure, like...

46:11 Adam Well, who did it?

46:12 Caller It was a date rape? Yeah, in college.

46:15 Adam You knew the guy?

46:16 Caller Um, well, only that one time. I went out on one date with him.

46:21 Adam Really?

46:21 Caller Yeah.

46:22 Adam And he raped on that one date?

46:24 Caller Yeah, he did. I'm bipolar. And I was manic and on medications. So I was stupid and I went up to his dorm room. But it had nothing to do with that. It's not...

46:36 Adam All right, baby. Trying to figure out... Well, you brought it up.

46:40 Caller I'm sorry.

46:41 Drew What are your medicines?

46:42 Caller I'm on Depakote and Selexa.

46:44 Drew Do you ever get a thrush in your mouth?

46:47 Caller Um, no.

46:48 Drew Because sometimes the psychotropic medications set up yeast, recurrent yeast infections.

46:53 Adam What's that thrush? That's the yeast in your mouth?

46:55 Caller Um, I'm going right now to naturopathic doctors and they're clearing the yeast in my guts and everything. And they're treating me with acidophilus and boric acid.

47:07 Adam Ah, listen, let me tell you something. These guys aren't qualified to work on your pool. These naturalistic doctors.

47:14 Caller I'm paying them tons of money.

47:15 Adam Which doctors? Yeah, let me tell you something. They, all that, is it this homeopathic crap?

47:21 Caller Yeah.

47:21 Adam They have some dust from a plant that used to manufacture the stuff that works. But on top of a sugar pill. It's worthless junk. Why not just use the, use the S that works?

47:34 Caller But I'm desperate.

47:35 Adam Why not? What, what, what, why? You're desperate?

47:38 Caller It hurts. It hurts.

47:39 Drew What have you, what have you been, you're married?

47:41 Caller Yeah.

47:42 Drew What have you been treated with?

47:43 Caller I've been treated with every antibiotic.

47:45 Drew But how about-

47:45 Caller Vaginal, tetracycline, like every single one.

47:48 Drew How about vaginal crams?

47:50 Caller Vaginal, um, no.

47:52 Adam Why are you married?

47:53 Caller Why am I married?

47:53 Adam Wait a minute. It seemed, just a short 13 months ago, you're being raped in a dorm room out on a date.

47:59 Caller Uh-huh.

48:00 Adam Did you marry the guy? No. Oh, okay. I don't know. You maybe knew it was love.

48:05 Drew Do you use lubricants when you're having sex?

48:06 Adam How'd you get married so quick?

48:07 Caller How'd I get married so quick?

48:09 Drew She was manic and she told you.

48:10 Adam Oh, yeah.

48:11 Caller Yeah.

48:12 Adam I don't trust this guy. Do you?

48:16 Caller He's a great guy.

48:17 Adam He is? Really?

48:18 Caller I have tried lubricant.

48:19 Drew You have had?

48:20 Caller Yeah.

48:20 Adam Maybe she ain't into the guy.

48:21 Drew Yeah. It's all kinds of weird possibilities, but you might, maybe you need to use an antibacterial vaginal cream every time you have sex.

48:29 Adam Really?

48:30 Drew Like Metrogel or something like that, or one of these.

48:33 Adam Some women just weren't made to have sex, like all the ones I'm with.

48:39 Drew So they tell you.

48:40 Adam So they tell me. Yeah. I get with women who have vaginal irritation not during and after sex, before sex.

48:46 Drew They're just irritated.

48:47 Adam Oh, it's just general irritation. It does, but it seems to be concentrated in the vagina.

48:52 Drew That's where you're focusing all your energy.

48:54 Adam Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay.

48:57 Caller That's a good point.

48:58 Adam John?

48:58 Drew No, I've got to break.

49:00 Adam Yeah. Yeah. All right. Listen, hold on a second. I'm not talking anymore about the vaginas. I'm giving...

49:06 Drew Just listen to a little snore.

49:07 Adam Let's listen to some snore.

49:11 Drew Don't you feel better now?

49:13 Adam Yeah. I've said it many times. No greater compliment can be paid to a talk show host to go back and have people snoring.

49:22 Caller Nobody's listening.

49:24 Adam Well, see...

49:25 Drew This is not your Duke expose.

49:27 Adam I beg the differ. I bet she hears this in some fashion.

49:31 Caller All right.

49:32 Adam We'll be back.

49:36 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

50:06 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Brian Krause is our guest tonight. The Handyman from Charm. Tomorrow night's the big season premiere. Nine o'clock, www.B. Thursday nights, and Cypress Hill will be in here tomorrow night.

50:23 Caller Oh, really? Well, that's nice.

50:25 Adam I like those guys.

50:27 Caller Okay, Drew, that's good radio.

50:30 Drew Just looking at you.

50:31 Caller That's nice. All right.

50:32 Drew Watching.

50:33 Caller So much for a report.

50:34 Drew Krista, 16. Yeah, I like those guys, too.

50:37 Adam And there you go.

50:39 Caller Hi.

50:39 Adam You masturbate every day, do you?

50:42 Caller Yeah. Yeah. A little bit of a problem there.

50:45 Adam Really?

50:45 Drew Why is that a problem?

50:46 Caller Well, first of all, the way I do it. Oh, I use the bathroom faucet.

50:52 Caller Yeah.

50:53 Caller Like the water pressure.

50:54 Drew It's like and.

50:56 She's going to kick your ass.

50:57 Caller Well, you climb up on the sink.

50:58 Adam No, I'm going with tub.

51:00 Drew Bath tub.

51:00 Yeah.

51:01 Adam You go with the tub. I see. And you just kind of lie there in the tub and get the legs akimbo up the wall there.

51:11 Caller Yeah.

51:11 Adam That's a flattering position. Hey, you know, you know what you need? One of those bathtub pillows, those inflatable bathtub pillows.

51:19 Caller I was thinking about getting one of those.

51:20 Adam Yeah. That'd be a good investment for you.

51:22 Caller Maybe, maybe like a little bed on the bottom or something.

51:24 Adam Well, those bathroom pillows, they're inflatable. They go in the bathtub and they got little suction cups on the back, prop your head up there.

51:32 Drew What's your question?

51:32 Adam Oh, my second greatest invention, laminated porn.

51:36 Drew Oh, yeah.

51:36 Caller Or I could just go in and get one of those like pool things or you could just fly down. Yeah, my whole body could be comfortable.

51:42 Drew That's so floaty.

51:43 Adam Yeah. I don't know if you're making fun of me, Chris. I'm trying to help you out there.

51:46 Drew What's your question?

51:47 Adam You spend a lion's share of your waking hours in the tub.

51:50 Caller I'm trying to help you. I appreciate you guys making my call.

51:52 Drew What is your question?

51:54 Caller Is that normal?

51:56 Drew Yes.

51:57 Caller It's normal for a girl to do this like every day?

51:59 Drew Yeah. Some.

52:01 Adam It's fine.

52:01 Drew It's fine.

52:02 Caller Do other girls do this?

52:03 Drew Yes.

52:03 Adam Every one of them.

52:04 Drew Not every one of them, but some do.

52:05 Adam Just the hot ones. That's the way I look at it.

52:08 Caller Hey, thanks.

52:09 Adam I have to look at it that way.

52:11 Caller Well, because I have to stay virgin somehow.

52:14 Adam You do?

52:16 Caller Yeah.

52:16 Drew That's a good plan. That's a good plan.

52:18 Caller Well, I mean, I don't want to lose it to somebody who's not important.

52:21 Adam Let me ask you something, Drew. Can one erode the vagina? You know what the Colorado did to the Grand Canyon?

52:27 Drew Yeah.

52:28 Adam Could that happen?

52:28 Drew Sure. Water erosion?

52:30 Adam Fourteen inch vagina, which by times 25?

52:33 Drew This would be sordid hat. What are you talking about?

52:36 Adam Yeah. They use that to cut granite and stuff. They get a diamond blade and they put water on it.

52:44 Caller Maybe that's it.

52:45 Adam Hey, Krista, how long do you want to stay a virgin?

52:49 Caller Just until I find the right person and nobody special enough has come along to take my holy grail there.

52:55 Adam I see.

52:57 Caller That's good.

52:58 Caller Yeah.

52:58 Adam What if a guy worked around water, like the Culligan Man or something? Would that turn you on?

53:03 Caller Actually, I did have a guy from the pool store hit on me a couple of times.

53:06 Adam The pool store guy works for the DWP or something like that?

53:09 Caller Yeah.

53:10 Adam It could be a certain turn on. All right, Krista. You're fine.

53:15 Caller All right. I also have one more question.

53:17 Adam Let me ask you a question. What about putting, I mean, Krista's probably putting thousands of gallons of water in that area a month.

53:26 Drew No.

53:26 Adam What about it? Are you going to flush it out?

53:28 Adam It doesn't need a certain amount of moisture, a certain, you know, it's great. You know what I'm saying is, like, your eyes, for instance.

53:34 Drew Yeah.

53:35 Adam There's certain fluids that are in there.

53:38 Drew Yeah.

53:38 Adam If you flush them constantly, would it wash away those fluids and irritate?

53:43 Drew Yeah, eventually. But there's a lot of oil there, too, that keeps the right fluid against the eye.

53:49 Adam Okay. So with the vagina, even with that sort of constant flushing, it would...

53:52 Drew If she never got out of the tub, it would be an issue.

53:54 Adam Okay.

53:55 Caller Well, but here, here's the thing. Like, sometimes, I'll, like, I'll, like, it'll be numb after a while, and, you know, sometimes I'll, like, I have this problem where I will get wet constantly throughout the entire day.

54:10 Adam Well, sure, it's just raining back out of you.

54:13 Caller That's it? I mean, like, it's day.

54:14 Drew No, you're fine, you're fine, Christy.

54:16 Caller Okay.

54:17 Adam Hey, Christy, let me ask you a question. Yeah. How long does it take?

54:23 Caller Oh, gosh, you get the technique down.

54:26 Adam Oh, yeah.

54:28 Caller I mean, Adam, don't you get the technique down? You can do it like what? Five minutes, maybe?

54:32 Adam I just got one off.

54:33 Caller Oh, really?

54:34 Adam Just in time, you're explaining your technique.

54:36 Caller I can get one like, I think my top's like, probably less than a minute, but that happens. Wow.

54:43 Adam Less than a minute. Wow. And you know, here's the funny part. She gets one less than a minute, right? She hooks up with some guy a year and a half from now. The guy's, you know, the guy's down there for an hour forty-five. He's he's broken off a table leg. He's going at her with it. He's licking and sucking. He's going like a buzz saw. Sorry. Nothing. It's been two hours. Nothing. Forget it. Let's get somebody to get some ice cream. We'll try tomorrow. That's what I love about women. Allison.

55:13 Caller Hello.

55:14 Adam Let me check with Sammy, the snoring queen. All right.

55:17 Caller All right. Hold on.

55:23 Drew She's changed positions. It's not quite as musical, yeah. She's a little less obstructed in her breathing. Still gratifying.

55:32 Adam Yeah, now it just sort of sounds like the ocean.

55:34 Caller Is the TV on in the background there?

55:40 Drew Yeah, there's something there.

55:41 Adam Yeah, something's going on.

55:43 Caller Alright, we'll check back.

55:45 Adam Allison?

55:46 Okay, hi. Adam, the best ones are the ones that float.

55:50 Adam Oh, the dookie that floats?

55:54 And my quick invention is cars that are magnetized so they won't hit each other.

55:58 Drew Oh, you have the opposite poles.

55:59 Opposite and made out of hard rubber so there's no dents.

56:03 Adam Yeah, but you know, let me tell you that invention. Those are inventions like when people talk about putting parachutes on commercial jetliners and stuff. It's sort of nonsense. I'm talking about real stuff like magnetized change, like the seatbelt sash, like the penis doughnut, like the shotgun beer, stuff that we can use every day.

56:25 All right. Anyway, bodily problems.

56:27 Adam Oh, yeah, the seatbelt sash. I'll tell you, I'm scared to talk about this one on the air because I still believe this is a moneymaker. We can tape this, right?

56:34 Drew What is it?

56:35 Adam That's the set, you know, the seatbelt that goes across you. Oh, why not dress it up? You know, Miss Kentucky.

56:42 Drew We'll actually have, like, labels across it.

56:44 Caller Yeah. Yeah, Miss Budweiser.

56:47 Adam Mr. Congeniality. I don't know if you could read the whole thing.

56:50 Drew Well, I mean, they have bumper stickers. Why not have...

56:52 Adam Why not the seatbelt set and do it a little padded?

56:55 Caller You know, put a little padded thing on it.

56:56 Drew You get all kinds of things announced on it.

56:58 Adam That's right. Homecoming Queen.

57:01 But I mean, it's hers.

57:03 Adam Yeah. Well, if you're an enthusiast, you got the Dodge or Chevy or something going across there.

57:08 Deal with the fact that I am gay.

57:10 Adam I'm gay. Right across the thing. Why put that crappy rainbow bumper sticker on your car?

57:15 Drew Yeah. This could be changed, too.

57:17 Adam Yeah. Have you seen the West Hollywood police cars, by the way?

57:22 The rainbow?

57:23 Adam You know the super jolly Roger? Yeah. The gay flag? Yeah. You know the gay flag, right? It's got all those weird colors. It looks like, I don't know, Cameroon or something, some African country, but they're done in a little different different arrangement. I was funny. I passed a West LA sheriff's car the other night and I saw a checkered pattern that is the colors of the gay flag, but not quite kind of scrambled around. And you have to kind of stare at it for a minute to realize it's the gay flag. And I just, I know the argument that went on at the city council meeting, which is we want the gay flag on the side of the car. The cops were going, listen, we're not flying any homo flag on the side of our car. Big argument. And then it was, okay, here's a compromise. We'll have, we'll kind of have the gay flag. It's like if you had the American flag, but the stars were where the stripes were supposed to be, and the stripe was over here.

58:18 Drew We'll turn the whole car into a flag.

58:22 Adam Listen, I don't want the gay flag on a cop car. That doesn't instill a lot of confidence in me.

58:28 Drew All right.

58:28 Adam Sorry, Allison.

58:29 Go ahead. Okay. So, Drew, what causes pre-menstrual bloating? I mean, I have a kid, but it happened before I had a kid, where it's so bad, it almost feels like I'm pregnant.

58:40 Drew Well, I imagine it's the progesterone that comes up just prior to you.

58:45 Adam Well, let's let our guest handle this call.

58:48 Drew It's fluid retention.

58:49 Caller Um, hmm. Yeah, I'd say it's the progesterone.

58:53 Adam You'd say fluid retention?

58:54 Caller Yeah, fluid retention.

58:55 Caller That's where the smart money is.

58:56 Caller Too many cheeseburgers.

59:00 Drew What was that, Allison?

59:02 Too many cheeseburgers? Well, I was wondering, what could I do eat differently?

59:05 Drew Yeah, you can restrict your salt intake.

59:08 Salt intake?

59:09 Drew Salt, sodium chloride.

59:10 Okay, one other weird medical question. I noticed recently when I was bathing, a little bump right near the entrance to my anus, it's like a BB.

59:19 Adam Carbuncle.

59:20 Does not hurt.

59:21 Adam You want me to lance it for you?

59:23 It does not hurt.

59:24 Drew Could be a wart, could be...

59:25 I tried to feel it from the inside. It kind of disappears. From the inside? I can only feel it on the outside.

59:31 Adam Now, the inside...

59:32 I don't want to go to a proctologist.

59:34 Adam From the inside?

59:36 I could not touch it from the inside.

59:38 Adam Inside meaning you put your hand on your mouth or up your vagina?

59:41 This is in my rear end. This is a different...

59:43 Adam I know, but how did you get at it from the inside?

59:45 I tried to feel it.

59:46 Drew Hand in the A hole.

59:47 Yeah.

59:48 Adam Oh, in the A.

59:49 Right.

59:49 Adam Nice.

59:51 Drew Poking the R.

59:52 It doesn't hurt, so should I just... I don't have to worry or do...

59:54 Drew It could be a wart and warts can risk for anal cancer.

59:58 It's not a wart.

59:59 Drew Could be a skin tank, could be a hemorrhoid, could be a fistula. Lots of things it could be, but somebody who knows how to look at these things needs to look at it. Any doctor can do it.

1:00:07 Any doctor.

1:00:07 Drew Or you're going to college.

1:00:08 Adam Let her sweat it out a little bit. Listen, I've had a few run-ins with the anus, Alison, and I've cured them all myself. Thank God. All right?

1:00:18 All right. Thank you.

1:00:18 Adam All righty. All right. Hey, Drew, what about salt?

1:00:22 Caller There was all that sodium stuff 10 years ago, 15 years ago.

1:00:26 Adam What happened to it? Remember all the sodium talk? You got to cut back on your show. This is the low sodium pretzels, low sodium tuna fish, low sodium.

1:00:37 Drew It was going to give you high blood pressure, but there's no evidence that it does that. If you have high blood pressure, it can help bring it under control and lower it.

1:00:44 Adam So those people have a problem with it.

1:00:46 Drew Then it's important.

1:00:47 Adam But healthy people don't have to go nuts with it.

1:00:49 Drew No.

1:00:51 Adam Michelle?

1:00:53 Drew Michael.

1:00:53 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. I misread that. Hey, listen, let me say this. If your body craves something, and I think your body craves like fat and salt, there's got to be something there. Why would your body crave it? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You know, stuff tastes like crap with no salt in it, you can't stand it. It's got to be a reason God made you so nutty for salt, right? And cigarettes, right? In good scotch. I'm not talking about a double malt. I'm not talking about a single malt scotch. There's got to be a reason, right? Yeah. Michael? Yeah. You're 27. What's up?

1:01:27 Caller I was just wondering, my fiance killed herself about seven weeks ago and I'm on antidepressants and sleep aids and I've got just over three years of sobriety and I'm just kind of wondering what the effects might be, any sort of addiction or anything like that.

1:01:46 Drew What was your drug of choice?

1:01:48 Adam Probably pot.

1:01:49 Drew And what's the sleep aid you're taking?

1:01:52 Caller Tomazepam.

1:01:53 Drew Yeah, you got to be very careful with that. You're talking to your sponsor about it?

1:01:57 Caller Yeah, he says to just let the doctors do their work.

1:02:00 Adam Well, wait a minute, what is it? What is that?

1:02:02 Drew Restoril, it's Restoril, your favorite.

1:02:04 Adam Is that a no good? Expensive, no good?

1:02:06 Drew No, it's a powerful one, but it is highly addictive and I would not stay on it more than a couple of weeks. It could trigger your disease. You have to be very careful.

1:02:14 Adam Highly addictive, that means good, right? Give me some of that. What'd you draw?

1:02:18 Drew You had it.

1:02:19 Adam I have? Okay.

1:02:20 Drew Michael?

1:02:21 Caller Yeah.

1:02:21 Drew So you gotta be, what's the antidepressant?

1:02:24 Caller Well, they had me on Selexa, but today I started on Effexa-ral.

1:02:29 Drew Effexa?

1:02:31 Adam Why'd your girlfriend, you said it was your girlfriend?

1:02:33 Drew Fiance.

1:02:34 Caller We were gonna get married, yeah.

1:02:35 Adam Were you engaged?

1:02:37 Drew That would be.

1:02:38 Adam No, I didn't, you said, I don't know. I mean, I know he said fiance, but I don't know if it was or not. So why'd she kill herself?

1:02:47 Caller Well, we think it might have had to do with her past of drug use and her depression and a couple of some other factors. It was premeditated quite a bit.

1:02:56 Drew What are the factors?

1:02:58 Caller She had quit smoking. She was really stressed. She had a personal physical problem that the doctors couldn't figure out and just one day she took my gun and used it on herself.

1:03:10 Adam How old was she?

1:03:11 Caller 31.

1:03:12 Adam And obviously you're depressed. Do you feel responsible?

1:03:18 Caller Yeah, it's hard to shake that. You know, everybody I talk to, you know, I'm part of a group of people that are going through the same thing and they try to tell you to lose the what is and the blame and everything but it's easier said than done.

1:03:31 Adam Oh yeah. My god. I couldn't imagine. And were you the one to find her?

1:03:38 Caller No, actually her sister came back early and brought her daughter back.

1:03:44 Adam Oh, that's nice.

1:03:45 Caller How old is your daughter? She's four and I'm the only daddy she's ever known and they've taken her away from me.

1:03:50 Drew Oh my god.

1:03:52 Adam Well, what do you mean taken her away from you?

1:03:54 Caller They took her away. Who? Her aunt and uncle are the ones that have taken custody.

1:03:59 Drew And they've said what? What about you?

1:04:01 Caller They said that I was crazy and they fabricated a bunch of things, said I was a felon and all of which is untrue.

1:04:08 Adam Well, how do they fabricate things that can't be substantiated?

1:04:12 Caller Just to buy them time.

1:04:14 Adam Okay.

1:04:14 Caller I'm fighting them in court and I'm still in the process.

1:04:18 Adam Well, let me suggest this. Maybe you need a little time now. I mean, maybe her aunt and uncle taking the daughter is not such a bad thing.

1:04:26 Caller Well, I don't really, I don't know. I'm kind of letting other people make decisions for me right now and I don't know if it's the best thing. I'm just pretty whacked.

1:04:33 Drew You just go to meetings every day, talk to your sponsor a couple of times a day, say a lot of prayers, get off that, get off that restaurant, get off that tamazepam.

1:04:42 Adam Hey, can I have it?

1:04:44 Caller Sure.

1:04:44 Adam I mean, if you're not going to be using it?

1:04:46 Caller Well, I'm just, I'm afraid to, I'm to the point where I don't know if I still need it, but I'm afraid to lie there in the dark and just think about everything.

1:04:55 Adam Well, how, oh, you can't start boozing? No booze?

1:04:58 Drew No.

1:04:59 Caller Do you work out at all?

1:05:01 Caller No, I've been told by my doctor I should be exercising.

1:05:04 Drew That'd be a good plan.

1:05:05 Adam Yeah.

1:05:06 Caller Good way to get that stress out.

1:05:07 Adam Takes the edge off. You can get yourself a heavy bag.

1:05:10 Caller Yeah, I have.

1:05:11 Adam Eat on it.

1:05:12 Caller You do?

1:05:13 Caller I had one, I got rid of it. I've lost like 40 pounds. I don't eat at all, you know.

1:05:17 Adam All right, listen, you know what? I know it sounds overly simplistic, but I agree, you start working out, you'll feel better. Start going on long walks and stuff, you know what I mean? And get like a heavy bag and just beat the crap out of it.

1:05:34 Caller Yeah.

1:05:34 Adam Okay? And you do what I do when I hit my bag, you start yelling, I hate you mommy, each time you punch it.

1:05:42 Mom, I'm so mad at you.

1:05:44 Adam I am so mad at you mom. Who says I can't act? Is that acting?

1:05:49 No.

1:05:50 Adam Okay. Hey, Michael.

1:05:52 Yeah.

1:05:52 Adam Yeah, you just take care of yourself for the next, you know, X amount of months. Yeah. Okay, but don't just, you know, crawl into a shell and blow away. Then start exercising. You got to motivate yourself. It's going to be hard.

1:06:08 Caller But about the anti-depressants, how long do you think I might need to take those in?

1:06:12 Drew Hard to know, but that one, you should definitely follow your doctor's direction on it. It'll probably be at least six months.

1:06:16 Adam Yeah. You know, somebody kill themselves, who's your partner is bad enough, them using your gun to do it is...

1:06:25 Drew It's very aggressive. You know, really, there's a lot missing in that story.

1:06:29 Adam Well, I got to tell you.

1:06:30 Drew And women don't use guns. They don't do that. That's a very rare kind of suicide for a woman.

1:06:34 Adam No, I know. They kill with their cunning.

1:06:39 Caller They don't use weapons.

1:06:40 Adam Their what? I didn't put a T in there. Did I put a T in cunning? Listen, here's the thing. If I was going to kill myself, and I may, I certainly wouldn't do it in a way... Here's what I would do. I would try like hell to take all the pressure off of everybody. I really would. I would hate my daughter. I mean, I would work the schedule out, and I would hate like hell to have my family, or my child, or a loved one, or even a neighbor. You know what I mean? Yeah. I would leave a note. I don't like writing. But I'd leave a good quarter-page note that said, it is nobody's fault. I'm just tired. I love you all. I'm going out to the desert. I got a bottle of booze and a nine-millimeter. And here's a map to my body. Hopefully, the coyotes won't have got me by the time you find me. And don't bring any loved ones out to find me. You know what I mean? Doing it in your house and kind of doing it in such a way that someone's going to stumble on to you and I mean, and that kind of stuff. I mean, does a four-year-old ever get that out of their mind?

1:07:49 Drew I don't think so.

1:07:49 Adam Do you ever lose this? I mean, you know what I mean? As a four-year-old in your mind's eye, do you ever lose that picture?

1:07:56 Drew No, never.

1:07:56 Adam And would you ever want to risk that for your child?

1:07:58 Drew No, never.

1:08:00 Adam So what is up?

1:08:01 Drew That's the point. And she had addictions and there's something else going on with her. She had all these physical, quote, ailments that nobody could figure out. She's probably using through all this.

1:08:11 Adam Okay, then here's the other part. It's sad, as I felt for that person, to be angry at him, too, for what they did. Oh, sure. And how they did it.

1:08:19 Drew That'd be normal.

1:08:20 Adam Chris?

1:08:20 Caller Yeah?

1:08:22 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:08:23 Caller You know the spiel about the sticker on the side of the West Hollywood police cars?

1:08:28 Adam Yeah.

1:08:29 Caller Well, it wasn't actually a compromise. The shape of the checkered thing you're talking about, it's actually the shape of West Hollywood. So it's a map of West Hollywood with a rainbow sticker on it.

1:08:41 Adam So it's the shape of West Hollywood with the super jolly Roger?

1:08:45 Caller Well, with the super gay flag.

1:08:47 Adam Right. You really? Because when you look at it, it looks like a whole bunch of geometric squares.

1:08:53 Caller Yeah, any square is supposed to represent a block or something.

1:08:55 Adam But I know. But listen, it's like when some guy, one of these horrible modern artists paints a canvas blue and then sits there and explains to you what it represents in society, it doesn't mean s, though.

1:09:10 Think about the shape of West Hollywood.

1:09:11 Caller It goes all the way down Santa Monica. It goes down to Beverly Hills. I mean, there's parts of it that are longer and narrower than others. It's actually shaped like that.

1:09:18 Adam All right, but every time I see a square, I don't think of North Hollywood.

1:09:23 Caller Yeah, but I mean, this is North Hollywood, not North Hollywood.

1:09:26 Adam And no, but what I'm saying, screwball, is does anyone know the shape of any city? What's Culver City?

1:09:32 Caller If you lived in it...

1:09:33 Adam Culver City is shaped like an arrow. I'm saying it's one big arrow pointing to a penis. No, West Hollywood is a big scrotum sack. No, okay, so that's supposed to be West Hollywood. But here's the thing, the gays wanted the cops to put the gay flag on the side of the car, right? Yeah, probably. And the cops said, you homos are, you really, you've been sucking too much amyl nitrate. You guys are high. And they said, listen, we are a large part of your constituency and we demand that you have the gay representation on the side of your car. So they said, well, let's do it in such a way that only the gays will recognize it and it'll be cool. That's basically what happened.

1:10:13 Caller Well, I think the mayor is gay, so I'm sure he endorsed this.

1:10:16 Adam Oh, the mayor is gay? Well, as Anderson pointed out, I must be gay too because I recognized it.

1:10:22 Caller You seem a little gay.

1:10:23 Caller You should be gay.

1:10:24 Adam I'd like to be gay.

1:10:26 Caller Well, you should be so lucky.

1:10:28 Adam I really should. I was saying to someone earlier today, you know my quest to be gay, Drew. You think I'm kidding?

1:10:33 Caller You know what? Gays get more sex, so you know.

1:10:35 Adam Gays get more everything.

1:10:37 Caller Like what else? Money?

1:10:39 Wasn't a little bit of discrimination there.

1:10:40 Adam I mean, really.

1:10:41 Caller Gays get more sex, but they get a little bit of like discrimination.

1:10:44 Adam Let me explain, though. Let me explain the gay lifestyle. They may be discriminated against if they live somewhere in Missouri, but all you got to do is move to West LA. You got the cop cars with the gay flag on the side. You got all your brothers walking around in short shorts.

1:11:00 Caller What if you're Latin and you're raised in East LA.?

1:11:01 Adam What's that?

1:11:02 Caller What if you're Latin and you're raised in East LA.? And like your parents hate you because they're like Adam and Catholics?

1:11:06 Adam You move to West LA.?

1:11:08 Drew That's the sort of...

1:11:09 Caller That's when you have money.

1:11:11 Adam All right. Well, gays all have money. So what's the worry?

1:11:15 Caller Well...

1:11:15 Adam All right. Well, Chris, are you like a Latin guy who grew up in East LA and would be a dance for blowing guys?

1:11:19 Caller No, I'm actually a white guy who grew up in West LA but...

1:11:21 Adam All right. Perfect. All right. So you're gay?

1:11:24 Caller I'm gay.

1:11:25 Adam Perfect. You never had to move.

1:11:27 Caller Exactly.

1:11:28 Adam Nice. All right. That's probably the only thing that's regrettable.

1:11:31 Drew He thinks you're kidding about wanting to be gay. That's the thing.

1:11:33 Adam I'm not kidding about wanting to be gay. I wish I was gay.

1:11:36 Caller You wouldn't say that if you were gay, though. Like, if you were gay, you wouldn't actually think that you'd want to be gay.

1:11:43 Caller Would you want to be straight?

1:11:44 Adam If I was gay?

1:11:44 Caller Well, most gay people at a young age probably don't want to be gay.

1:11:47 Adam Well, that's true. But later on, I mean, they're laughing all the way, all the way to the bath house, right? I mean, it's a great lesson. I know gay couples. These guys are having a time of their lives.

1:11:59 Caller That's once they like, accepted.

1:12:00 Adam Right. Well, once they're accepted.

1:12:02 Drew Adam's accepted it.

1:12:03 Adam I'm trying to accept it. Adam, I want to get you in the ass, Corolla. Listen, here's two things I'd like to be in life. I'd like to believe in Jesus Christ. I'd like to be gay.

1:12:14 Caller Why Jesus Christ? They're crazy, these Christians.

1:12:16 Adam Listen, I want to go to heaven and I want to live amongst men. Do you understand?

1:12:22 Caller You want to shoot abortion doctors too? Isn't that what Christians do still?

1:12:24 Adam No, no. I love abortion. I'm a big fan of abortion. I would like to believe that when I died, I went to heaven and I'd like to find myself a life partner. I think I already have one, Jimmy Kimmel, and I'd like to have a nice two-income family with no kids, where we're on separate vacations.

1:12:43 Caller Most gay men don't actually find life partners. They end up being like lonely, idiosyncratic.

1:12:46 Adam Well, that's because they're so horny, they can't stop banging everybody in town. Are you kidding? No, how dare you? Listen to me. Let me tell you why most gay men cannot find life partners. Okay, one is there's two men in a relationship, and the woman is usually the only one who set the ground rules. Now, imagine in a relationship you got two men, and both men are horny, and both men have a libido, and both men want to cheat, and both men are traveling on business and stuff. Come on. I mean, Drew, am I right? The woman is the only one who keeps the relationship grounded, otherwise it all spin out of control. Now it's like there's no warden in the prison. There's nobody keeping things under control. There's nobody, you have no kids, and if you think about it, when do guys really settle down? After they have the family. They have the kids, now they have to start coming home, and they have to start being responsible, and they can't just walk out and run around whenever they want, right? There's a certain grounding process that happens. Drew, you know. Oh, you know. So my point is, is no kids, no woman, two guys? Come on. Of course. You're an idiot to get a life partner if you're gay. Plus, you go to a gay bar, you get laid every night, anytime you want. It's you times 250. You're horny, drunken, tank top wearing, short, sportin ass, and another 200 of you? All sucking up my ties?

1:14:23 Caller And you want to be nailed down to one guy?

1:14:25 Adam Please.

1:14:26 Drew Gay males also are more happy and healthier when they are in monogamous relationships.

1:14:29 Adam I know, but who could force them to do it?

1:14:33 Drew Nobody has to force anybody. Some of them very happily achieve monogamy.

1:14:38 Adam Some of them. Not that many, but it's by their own choice. Don't blame that on society. Chris is attempting to blame this on, like, white heterosexual males or something. You gays could hook up for the rest of your life and no one would care. You could meet your partner at 17 and stay with them until 85. We wouldn't care. Actually, we'd like it better, you know, keep you paired up, keep an eye on you. All right, hold on. Chris?

1:15:04 Caller Yeah?

1:15:05 Adam How dare you? All right. Was he ever, oh, his thing was about the cop, right?

1:15:12 Caller Yeah, but you know what, Adam?

1:15:13 Adam What?

1:15:14 Caller I'm not blaming the fact that we can't have relationships on straight people.

1:15:17 Adam Right.

1:15:17 Caller I'm just saying that because of the stigmatism of being gay, it makes it that much more difficult to be in a relationship.

1:15:22 Drew Why?

1:15:23 Caller Why? Because it makes it that much more open to yourself and everyone around you that you're actually gay.

1:15:29 Adam Right. No, no, I agree with you.

1:15:31 Caller When you come home to a guy every day, you're really gay.

1:15:34 Adam No, no, it's not that. It's the functions, it's the partners, you know, you have a Christmas party at work.

1:15:40 Drew It's so accepted now. I guess if you're trying to hide that you're gay, you can't hide it.

1:15:46 Adam I'll buy that.

1:15:47 It's also to yourself, because that's more real.

1:15:49 Caller If you're coming home to a gay guy.

1:15:50 Drew Yeah, but that's health. That's what you should be trying to achieve, right?

1:15:54 Caller Yeah.

1:15:55 Adam Listen, I'd like to come home to a nice gay guy. A nice thing of herbal tea waiting for me when I come home and maybe a reach around.

1:16:04 Drew Jimmy would not do either.

1:16:06 Caller No, I'm like.

1:16:07 Adam All right. All right, we're going to take a little break and we'll be back.

1:16:15 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

1:16:41 Adam The ridiculous part is we go along with it. All right, phone number. Ah, we're just talking. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Forget about that fax number. Brian Krause is our guest tonight. He is here from Charmed, which is going to have the big season premiere tomorrow night, everybody. Nine o'clock, WB. All right, where is we Drew? Want to check back, see if...

1:17:04 Drew She's gone.

1:17:06 Adam Oh, our snorer's gone?

1:17:08 Caller Yeah.

1:17:09 Adam Breaks my heart.

1:17:10 Caller All right.

1:17:12 Adam Mike?

1:17:13 Yeah?

1:17:13 Adam You're 16?

1:17:14 Caller Yep.

1:17:15 Adam Cypress Hill in here tomorrow night.

1:17:17 Caller Huh?

1:17:18 Adam Fantastic. I share your enthusiasm.

1:17:21 Drew Go ahead, Mike. What's up?

1:17:23 Caller Yeah, I was wondering, is it normal for a 16-year-old male to have a nine-inch penis?

1:17:28 Drew No, that would not be normal.

1:17:29 Adam Seems a little small. It's more like, it should be more 11 and a half, 12 at 16. But you'll grow. You don't worry about it, Mike. You'll be fine. A lot of guys, they probably hit puberty a little late, right? Rob?

1:17:46 Caller Yeah.

1:17:47 Adam Everything's better when you're stoned.

1:17:49 Caller Pretty recently, my girlfriend got on the pill, and I was just curious what the percentage is for pregnancy with the pill.

1:17:58 Drew 99.96 percent effective.

1:18:00 Caller I had one other question. I've been having a lot of sex lately, and I was curious if you guys had any ideas to spice it up, because I'm getting kind of bored, but my girlfriend doesn't ever seem to get bored.

1:18:14 Adam How long have you been doing it with her?

1:18:17 Caller How long have I been doing it with her? How long have I been going out with her?

1:18:21 Adam How long have you been doing it with her? Listen, let me just pass this on to our listeners, or anyone who plans on calling the show. Whatever it is I say, don't repeat whatever it is I said, and then give me another option on what I said. If I say, how long have you been doing it with her? Then how long have you been doing it with her?

1:18:41 Caller About seven months.

1:18:42 Adam Seven months. Are you gay?

1:18:45 Caller No.

1:18:45 Adam A little bit?

1:18:48 Caller What?

1:18:48 Adam A little bit. A little bit gay?

1:18:50 Caller No. I don't like guys.

1:18:52 Adam You don't?

1:18:52 Caller No, not at all.

1:18:54 Adam Are you like me? Were you trying to be gay?

1:18:56 Caller No.

1:18:57 Adam You sure?

1:18:58 Caller Yeah. I just...

1:19:00 Adam Have you seen the cop? Have you seen the patrol cars in West LA with the gay flag on the door?

1:19:07 Caller No.

1:19:07 Adam You're not gay?

1:19:08 Caller No. I just... I mean, how many times...

1:19:10 Adam You ever been with a guy?

1:19:12 Caller No.

1:19:13 Adam Oh, yeah? Don't knock it. You don't want to be?

1:19:16 Caller No.

1:19:16 Adam What are your hobbies? Any hobbies?

1:19:19 Caller I don't really have any hobbies. Not much. But I like...

1:19:22 Adam That's a gay thing, not having hobbies.

1:19:23 Drew How many times what?

1:19:24 Caller How many times a week can you go and not get tired of it? I guess you guys can just keep going and going and never be part of it.

1:19:32 Adam Oh, no, no, no. Well, listen, we all lost our will to live some years back, right? Brian, you're married, right?

1:19:38 Caller Married kid.

1:19:39 Caller Yeah.

1:19:39 Adam Yeah, forget it.

1:19:40 Caller Sexless.

1:19:40 Adam It's all over. Yeah. You replace sex with food.

1:19:43 Caller But food, golf.

1:19:44 Adam You're talking about golf and food.

1:19:46 Drew Now, I don't get bored.

1:19:49 Adam You don't get bored sexually?

1:19:51 Drew No.

1:19:51 Adam Well, you have so many partners.

1:19:52 Drew I mean, but I don't think the whole concept is sort of bizarre to me.

1:19:56 Adam The boredom.

1:19:56 Drew Yeah. That's I'm just not in it.

1:19:58 Adam Well, let me ask you this, though. Drew, if you were doing it ten times a week, might you get bored?

1:20:07 Caller If it was sort of, is my wife asleep or is she on the radio?

1:20:11 Drew If it exceeded sort of, no, no, no, if there was a mismatch and such that my sort of biology was exceeded, how about it, how about it, how about it? No, no, no, I'm not sure. Then you'd feel not bored, but sort of like overdone.

1:20:24 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. You have a busy schedule. You don't get ant sex that often. You don't have a chance.

1:20:30 Drew So when it does come around, we've had period of time where it's regular and boredom is not something that I could conceive of.

1:20:38 Caller If you eat a chicken sandwich every day, right, you're going to want to throw something on there, a little extra cheese, you're going to want it instead of on rye, on wheat. You got to change it up, mix it up.

1:20:53 Adam Right. I don't know what he's talking about. No, I know exactly what he's talking about. No, okay, yeah, so you're going to eat a pizza every day. You want to mix up the toppings a little bit. I'm with you.

1:21:04 Caller I'm just not very...

1:21:04 Adam Rob, how often are you guys getting it on?

1:21:07 Caller Well, it's between six and eight times a week, plus a little oral sex.

1:21:12 Drew And that's just what she wants to do? It's more than what you want to do?

1:21:14 Adam Does your penis ever see the light of day?

1:21:16 Caller It's really more than what I want it to.

1:21:17 Drew Yeah, why don't you just back it off to make compromise to where you're at the level of activity that's more appropriate to your biology, you know, where you want to be? It should be alright.

1:21:27 Adam Now let me bring this up. I don't think we've ever brought this up. But everything in life that's enjoyable, all things that you could think about...

1:21:36 Drew Can be exceeded.

1:21:37 Adam Yeah, I mean, anything that you could put in the column of life of things that you love are all there based on not doing it repeatedly and constantly. Whether it's shooting around the golf or flying your model airplane or travel, a vacation, whatever it is, a nice night out at a fancy restaurant. Now, if you take any of that stuff and you say, do it every day, it ain't a great time. You go on vacation every day. You play golf, 18 holes every day. You know, whatever it is, eventually, whatever it is that you say you love, you ain't going to love it. You may like it, but you ain't going to love it. Why do we think of sex as anything different? You know, we do think of that as different. I don't necessarily think that it is. You know what I'm saying?

1:22:23 Drew Again, if you exceed sort of what your body is telling you to do, I mean, it's like eating.

1:22:28 Adam If you exceed what your body's pace is, Yeah, but even if you would enjoy it a fair amount at three times a week, don't you think you'd look forward to the once a week even more? You know what I mean?

1:22:41 Drew No, because then you start getting into sort of uncomfortable needing.

1:22:44 Adam Okay, but let me...

1:22:45 Drew Like you're hungry.

1:22:46 Adam Okay, but hold on a second, horn dog. What about... We all know this feeling.

1:22:50 Caller Remember being early...

1:22:51 Adam Remember being in a relationship? Remember when we were in love, fellas?

1:22:54 Caller And...

1:22:56 Drew With each other or...?

1:22:56 Adam Well, you know me. I'm in love with being in love.

1:23:00 Drew I know. Which is different. It's been a part of our relationship for quite some time.

1:23:02 Adam Here's my point. Remember you met that woman and whatever relationship, maybe it's the one you're in now, maybe it's the one 10 years ago, and you got together for a couple months, everything's going good, and then one of you went out of town for like a week or something, had to go off to New York or something. Remember that week? Remember when you got back? Remember how good that was? You know, that was based on you being gone for a week. That's why it was so good. Know what I'm saying? Maybe you need a little of that sexually. Yeah. Maybe they ought to put a moratorium on it for three days.

1:23:31 Drew Yeah, yes, for this couple, yes.

1:23:33 Caller Absolutely.

1:23:37 Adam Jesus, I should get a job doing this. Cameron? Yes. You're 21?

1:23:41 Caller Yes.

1:23:42 Caller What's up?

1:23:43 Caller Well, my first question is, when you ejaculate either through sex or masturbation, what's that release, what's released in your body after that happened?

1:23:54 Drew Lots of different things. What are you referring to specifically?

1:23:58 Caller Just like the hormone-wise, what gives you that sense of euphoria?

1:24:00 Drew Well, endorphins, the serotonin levels raised, there's oxytocin released, there's multiple, very complex mechanisms actually that have not been fully worked out.

1:24:09 Adam Really?

1:24:10 Caller I think I'm way over that.

1:24:11 Drew But lots of different chemicals are released that cause pleasure.

1:24:15 Adam When you're done?

1:24:17 Drew Really? When you're done, that's the serotonin surge that makes you want to go to sleep.

1:24:22 Caller Okay. And then my second question is, when men are at the restroom, like say at a urinal, and they're urinating, they get a little shiver.

1:24:31 Drew Sometimes.

1:24:31 Adam Yeah. What is that, Drew?

1:24:32 Drew Well, there's...

1:24:33 Adam Why the urinal? Why not alone? Maybe do it alone and you don't notice it.

1:24:38 Drew Well, I think it's just you. You get it in the group.

1:24:41 Adam No, no. Cameron does too. Right, Cameron?

1:24:44 Caller Right. All my friends. We all talk about it.

1:24:46 Drew You don't get it when you're alone?

1:24:48 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:24:49 Drew Say, this is you, Adam.

1:24:50 Adam No, not as much.

1:24:51 Caller Not as much.

1:24:52 Adam You get it more if you're standing.

1:24:54 Drew Or do you think you...

1:24:55 Adam Like at Dodger Stadium, where you all have to take a leak in the trough.

1:24:58 Drew Do you think you try to push the pee out more when you're in the trough?

1:25:00 Caller No.

1:25:01 Drew Like you're pushing?

1:25:02 Caller No.

1:25:02 Drew Because it might be some of the straining. I think it has to do with the straining.

1:25:06 Caller No.

1:25:06 Adam It doesn't feel that way to me.

1:25:07 Drew All right, let's speculate. Straining and emptying the bladder both tend to activate the vagus nerve, and so you can get sort of this low blood pressure and pulse. You can actually pass out. It's called post-micturation syncope.

1:25:19 Adam Let me say, if you passed out at the urine trough at Dodger Stadium, you'd be dead. You'd whack your head on something.

1:25:25 Drew No, no, no. You'd fall and people would just float away. People would pee on you and be all over.

1:25:29 Adam You'd float down and you'd end up in Santa Monica Bay before they could stop you. That's great. That's great. I know it's been a while since we've talked about this, but please, if anyone is listening to the show who's planning on constructing any kind of new arena or ballpark or public restroom, something that's got a public restroom, feel free to put those partitions in between the urinals so that I don't have to stare at another guy's dork and feel the fine mist of his urine bouncing off the back of the urinal and onto my bare forearm, which is inches away from his dork. Could you put a goddamn partition in there? Jesus Christ. Talk about ordinance. You know what I mean? I swear to Christ, I try to add a garage on to my house. I got to blow an inspector and bribe a city council member, but when they build up the staple center, they don't... Staple has one. Dodger Staple. I've been to many new places.

1:26:35 Caller Rose Bowl.

1:26:36 Adam Disaster. Rose Bowl.

1:26:37 Caller You might as well just...

1:26:39 Adam A storm drain. Oh, I can say it. Come on. Who cares? They can't stop me from saying that. For Christ's sake. Put that partition in there. Listen, I do construction. I can tell you. It's 45 cents worth of MDF or melamine or Cortron or something. Really, literally for another six bucks, you could put one of those things in between us and save everyone's dignity. And especially when you're B slash C celebrity like myself. Last thing you need is some punk kid staring at your Johnson drunk.

1:27:14 Drew Think of the rumors.

1:27:15 Adam At that Arrowhead pond.

1:27:16 Drew There won't be rumors, I guess.

1:27:18 Adam I got to stretch my junk out before I get out there. I could be recognized. Jeez, that Corolla, he's not kidding.

1:27:26 Drew Oh, he's talking about a small penis.

1:27:28 Adam Wow. I thought that was just a rap, man. Turns out, oh, guy got a cell phone here. Hey, Larry, guess where I am. Yeah, Corolla. Right. Yeah, it looks like he's peeing out of his belly button.

1:27:38 Caller I don't know where it's coming out of.

1:27:45 Adam Drew likes that one. We'll take a little break. Brian Krause, our guest tonight from Charmed.

1:27:49 Caller We'll be back after this.

1:27:52 Caller Hello, this is Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:02 Caller Nip, Loveline.

1:28:04 Adam Drew, we got to schedule a show.

1:28:05 Caller We just come in and talk.

1:28:08 Adam The show keeps interrupting our conversations. What do you say we do a show Fridays where we don't do a show?

1:28:14 Drew Can we just come in here and chat?

1:28:16 Adam Yeah, but we pretend like we have a reason to come here.

1:28:19 Drew Yeah, yeah. It's good.

1:28:20 Adam You like that?

1:28:21 Drew Anderson can sit there and give you the finger.

1:28:25 Adam And every once in a while when I wax on too long about something, put it like a drop in with the whatever or the violin. That's what I hear.

1:28:37 Drew Yeah, whatever.

1:28:38 Adam Oh, that one too. Brian Krause is our guest tonight. Brian's from Charm. Tomorrow's a big premiere. What's going on tomorrow night on this show? You have some little hints.

1:28:48 Caller Tomorrow night, let's see, the girl's trying to protect an innocent lie in court and release like some bad guy. And as far as my storyline coming back, I took my girlfriend to heaven. Oh, great. Yeah, she wanted heaven. I took her there. So we or back in, we call it orbing, we disappear, reappear.

1:29:15 Adam Right.

1:29:16 Caller And she's pissed. You know, it's your typical boyfriend-girlfriend thing. And so we're trying to work that out and the dos and don'ts of our relationship.

1:29:26 Adam How's the shooting schedule for something like that? I mean, it's all in film, right?

1:29:32 Caller It's all film, 35. It's 8-day shoots per episode. Wow. 12, about 12-hour days, average.

1:29:40 Adam Is it just me or is TV becoming more like movies? Like, I was thinking, I was looking at this, hearing about this Dark Angel thing that's coming out, you know, it was, what's his name? What's the...

1:29:53 Drew Is it Cameron?

1:29:54 Adam James Cameron gets into it. The pilot cost $10 million, you know, it's shot like a Batman feature. You know what I mean? Is it, is it, is it, is it, is TV, is, are they stepping up because all the competition with cable or the network's stepping up?

1:30:09 Drew Or is it the quality of the transmissions? You know, the fact that we're watching TV in more movie quality images.

1:30:17 Adam Where are they getting the money?

1:30:18 Drew Yeah.

1:30:19 Adam I mean, imagine...

1:30:20 Drew Especially more fragmented market.

1:30:22 Adam Well, I mean, you got this Dark Angel that cost 10 million bucks to do the pilot. I mean, Gone With The Wind was probably shot for 3 million.

1:30:31 Drew Is that right?

1:30:32 Adam Oh, I don't know. Oh, hell, it could have been too. Well, it's in the 30s. You know what I mean? That's stupid because it was a million years ago. But what I mean is there's a lot of great movies that were made for a lot less than that. And I don't know where it's coming from. Pulp Fiction, 8 million. Know what I'm saying? Yeah. I knew that. All right. John?

1:30:54 Caller Hi.

1:30:55 Adam You're 17?

1:30:56 Caller Yeah.

1:30:56 Caller I had unprotected sex with the girl the day after a period. I was wondering what the likeness of her getting pregnant was.

1:31:02 Drew Not as likely had it been mid cycle. So there's still a possibility she should. I think she should still take the morning after pill.

1:31:09 Caller It's a little too late for that.

1:31:11 Drew Well, then you take a pregnancy test in two weeks.

1:31:14 Caller OK.

1:31:14 Adam All right.

1:31:15 Drew It's not very likely. Why don't you use a condom every time?

1:31:17 Caller It was my first time.

1:31:18 Brian Krause It's kind of spur of the moment.

1:31:19 Adam I see. All right. Let's all buy that.

1:31:22 Brian Krause OK.

1:31:23 Caller So it's not very likely.

1:31:24 Drew It's not as likely as if we're mid-cycle, but it's a possibility.

1:31:28 Adam Are you getting blood on you?

1:31:30 Brian Krause Yeah, a little.

1:31:31 Adam Yeah. So it was like you broke your hymen in a way.

1:31:35 Yeah.

1:31:35 Adam Good times. Yeah.

1:31:36 Brian Krause I guess that's a good analogy.

1:31:38 Adam Thanks, man.

1:31:38 OK.

1:31:39 Adam Thanks. You'll never forget that. You'll never forget the smell. All right. JR? Yes.

1:31:45 Drew Oh, I have to listen to your voice.

1:31:47 Adam Oh, listen. I don't like listening to my nasally drone second hand. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, turn your radio down, you idiot.

1:31:56 Brian Krause All right.

1:31:57 Drew What's going on?

1:31:59 Brian Krause Well, whenever I have sex with my girlfriend or actually now my wife, either I won't stay erect after sex or I'll stay erect, but I can't feel anything. So I won't want to do anything.

1:32:10 And I was just wondering like, what I could do.

1:32:12 Drew If it's after sex, what is it you're planning on doing?

1:32:15 Caller Well, I mean, she wants me to keep going.

1:32:16 Brian Krause And that's the thing, I can't.

1:32:18 Drew You mean after you ejaculate?

1:32:19 Caller Yes.

1:32:20 Drew That's normal.

1:32:22 Adam Is it?

1:32:22 Drew Yeah.

1:32:23 Adam Listen, he didn't turn down whatever I told him to turn down very much.

1:32:27 Caller Asshole.

1:32:27 Adam Yeah, listen, after you ejaculate, your penis is of no use to any of us. You know what I mean?

1:32:34 Drew Yeah, it has a refractory pain.

1:32:35 Adam Listen, any of you women who think a guy's penis is going to be useful after he ejaculates is you're sadly mistaken. Plus, emotionally, he ain't there anymore. You know what a guy's penis is? You know, let me tell you what a guy's penis is like after he ejaculates emotionally, what the penis is like. Remember when you were in like high school, you take those, you take your finals about three or four days before the school year ended, you finish your last one up maybe two or three days before, you actually got out of school. Remember those last two days? Yeah, what did you do? Just sat there, it's like screw it. Maybe you showed up, maybe you didn't, just hung out, cleaned out your locker and just sort of chilled. You had no motivation, no homework, no nothing, didn't have to be nice to anybody, weren't worried about anything. That's basically the shape, that's the mindset of the penis after it ejaculates. I'll show up, but don't expect any, don't expect any oral reports. Nothing's going on. I'm just hanging. I'm going to clean out my underpants drawer and that's about it. Right, Drew? Right. Annie.

1:33:43 Caller Hello.

1:33:43 Adam You're 13.

1:33:45 Caller Yeah. I have my other friend. She's my best friend and sometimes we'll be in public or we'll be alone and she'll just kind of like hit me and like hurt me.

1:33:58 Drew You tell her not to do that?

1:34:00 Caller Well, sometimes I go, ow, you know, and I say, please don't do that. And then she like kind of does it as a joke and then she'll start laughing.

1:34:09 Drew Well, it's not a joke. And if you, just because she's been your good friend, doesn't mean she necessarily should always be your good friend. And if she continues to behave in ways that are aggressive and inappropriate, that's it. Tell her that there will be consequences and then follow through on them.

1:34:25 Adam All right. Drew, did you fear any of your friends growing up?

1:34:28 Drew No.

1:34:29 Adam No. Brian, you have that?

1:34:31 Caller Not feeling friends. I used to be a punchy guy. I was always small, tiny, and, you know, I took karate and stuff. So I was like, yeah, let me show you my moves. And, you know, I used to be real punchy and stuff. And all the way up till I was like 20, 21. And then I did it to this guy who was, you know, 35 at the time. And I thought he was a buddy or whatever. And I, you know, punching him in the arm, you know, give him the old dead arm. And he just turned right on me and said, yo, you know, don't go punch me unless you plan on punching it out with me. You punch me again.

1:35:04 Adam Oh, really? That's it.

1:35:07 Caller And I've never really been punchy with anybody since then. It's like, OK, all right. I could see where it's irritating.

1:35:12 Adam Yeah, my friends, I was constantly in fear of ass kicking.

1:35:17 Drew They constantly kicked your ass.

1:35:19 Adam Oh, yeah, that's right. That's why I was in fear. I kicked their ass too, though. I just, you didn't have a relationship with your friends where they beat on you. I mean, badly beat you.

1:35:29 Drew No, not like that.

1:35:30 Adam But I, you know, I've been stabbed by my friends.

1:35:32 Drew But the beatings were like a four, as you said. I don't remember if you shared this on the radio the other night or not, but the nine was...

1:35:38 Adam Oh, how dare you.

1:35:39 Drew Come on, let's bring that up.

1:35:41 Caller Come on, come on.

1:35:42 Adam How dare you bring that up. I told you that in all confidence, Drew.

1:35:47 Drew Oh, my God. All right. There was something far worse they engaged in than mere beating.

1:35:51 Adam Oh, you know what people are picturing now? Me like putting a rose in their mouth and sodomizing one of them.

1:35:58 Drew That ain't nothing.

1:35:59 Adam They're picturing a game of. Oh, dear.

1:36:02 Drew Not nearly so bizarre as well. I mean, that's at least, you know, routine.

1:36:05 Adam All right. All right. All right. I'm going to first I'm going to sue you and then we'll take a break.

1:36:13 Caller Hello, this is your radio. The Love Line tonight was brought to you by Carolla.

1:36:30 Adam That is it. All right, we got to take a little nap. I want to thank Brian Krause for coming out here tonight, and tell everyone to go watch Charm tomorrow night at 9 o'clock. And when that's over, you can tune in to Love Line, and there you'll find Cypress Hill, right?

1:36:45 Caller Right. Thanks, Brian. Hey, thanks for having me in, guys.

1:36:48 Adam And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:54 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, October 4, 2000