Episode 1000754887086

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:06 Go!

1:08 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:14 Voiceover Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight our guest is one of the freshest young faces in comedy. This kid is a hot, up-and-coming commodity. You've seen him around town. You've seen him on the Simply Don show, which is a public access show out of Eagle Rock. You know his work locally from the Kevin and Bean Morning Show as the Sports Guy.

1:49 Jimmy Kimmel And the Psychic Network, Psychic Friends Network.

1:52 Adam No, how dare you. Jimmy Kimmel, my beloved partner, is going to be in here in just a few minutes. He has a little difficulty with his sense of direction. He is on the 405 freeway, but he's switching on to the 10. And he'll be here any moment to plug what, Drew?

2:11 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, probably The Man Show.

2:13 Adam The Man Show, yes. New episodes starting tonight as we speak on Comedy Central. I watched tonight's episode of The Man Show on the satellite with a three-hour New York feed.

2:25 Jimmy Kimmel How was it?

2:26 Adam Excellent.

2:27 Jimmy Kimmel Good.

2:27 Adam Exquisite.

2:28 Jimmy Kimmel It's good. This is actually your chance to legitimately...

2:30 Adam I was marvelous.

2:32 Jimmy Kimmel But let's just focus on a guest, Jimmy. I mean, this is actually your chance to legitimately discuss the show, at least allow the guest to discuss it so the show comes up frequently.

2:42 Adam That's right. That's right. You can also find Jimmy Kimmel on the Fox pre-game show.

2:50 Jimmy Kimmel Which I strangely have not seen.

2:52 Adam Because it has to do with sports and straight guys enjoy sports.

2:57 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, I see.

2:58 Adam You gays are watching the ice dancing.

3:00 Jimmy Kimmel My boys seem to like it.

3:02 Adam Oh, is one of them straight now?

3:04 Jimmy Kimmel No, they both like the sport.

3:05 Adam Oh, they're both straight.

3:05 Jimmy Kimmel I was one watching the ice skating.

3:07 Adam I see. All right. Do you get up early enough on a Sunday to enjoy Jimmy?

3:11 Jimmy Kimmel I think that's the thing. I don't get up early enough.

3:13 Adam Comes on about 9.15. Yeah.

3:15 Jimmy Kimmel Sunday is my day to sleep in. It is my day of rest. It is the Sabbath.

3:19 Adam I see. How late do you go on a Sunday?

3:21 Jimmy Kimmel It's certainly past nine.

3:23 Adam Really? And what time do the kids get up?

3:26 Jimmy Kimmel 6.30. My kids got up this morning at 6.50.

3:29 Adam Could you drug them?

3:30 Jimmy Kimmel 6.50. I would if I could.

3:31 Adam They're going to make great garbage men one day.

3:33 Jimmy Kimmel 6.50. Get them up at that hour. If they had two trash cans and a bin together, they'd do it. They start at 6.51.

3:41 Adam Do they come into your room?

3:43 Jimmy Kimmel At least somebody does.

3:45 Adam Let me tell you something. If one morning when they came into your room, when they trounced into your room at 6.55, if you just hit them with a shoe, just threw like a boot at them.

3:57 Jimmy Kimmel We do the equivalent. We are so irritable that they like, okay, they don't come back. They understand.

4:03 Adam I got to warn you, I've been gassy all night.

4:07 Jimmy Kimmel This should be, what great fortune for you.

4:11 Adam Jimmy called me to tell me he was gassy.

4:14 Jimmy Kimmel So did you start, what, dousing up?

4:16 Adam I then farted into the phone. So he said this may be a long night for Drew. Although I do know Drew can put it together when he has to.

4:24 Jimmy Kimmel Let's see what I can pull together here.

4:26 Adam Yeah, yeah. So it could be a tough night. It really is, really is a lot of championship a-holes in this room. I mean, I'm, you know, no one's better when I'm having a good night. And Jimmy's Mr. Consistent. That's what his rectum is known as, Mr. Consistent. You know?

4:46 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, oh yeah.

4:47 Adam Yeah, he's good every night. He doesn't have a bad day. He's, his anus is like, remember Rod Carew?

4:53 Jimmy Kimmel Yo, yeah.

4:53 Adam Always made contact.

4:54 Jimmy Kimmel It's kind of like Tiger Woods.

4:56 Adam Not necessarily a home run hitter, but here's a guy who always put the ball in play. Here's a guy's a lifetime, you know, 333 hitter. That's what Jimmy's asshole is.

5:07 Jimmy Kimmel And I'll have you know that Jimmy-

5:08 Adam Not that he can't swing for the fences and put one out of the park once in a while, but he has a very consistent ass.

5:15 Jimmy Kimmel And I don't want to-

5:16 Adam Whereas my ass is more of a Dave Kingman.

5:19 Don't you ever stop talking!

5:21 Jimmy Kimmel I don't want to worry you or offend you, but-

5:23 Adam A lot of swings and misses, but some big towering shots.

5:26 Jimmy Kimmel Jimmy and I had dinner together last night in anticipation of tonight's show.

5:29 Adam Oh, really?

5:30 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, yes.

5:30 Adam Did he eat the raw clams?

5:32 Jimmy Kimmel He was getting ready. So a little garlic.

5:36 Adam Yeah.

5:37 Jimmy Kimmel A little pasta basil.

5:38 Adam All right. Oh, yeah. That is in his arsenal. All right. So anyway, the-

5:43 Jimmy Kimmel I'm not kidding. We had dinner together last night.

5:44 Adam Yeah, I know. You went to that birthday party. Anyway, like I said, one of the freshest young comedic faces in town, Jimmy Kimmel is going to be in here to plug The Man Show, which is on right now on Comedy Central with its first in a whole new run of spectacular episodes. Yes. Incredible. Jimmy puts on the x-ray specs. I go down to the hardware store. Tremendous. Matt.

6:09 Yeah.

6:10 Adam You're 16.

6:11 Caller Yeah.

6:11 Adam What's up?

6:12 Caller First, I want to say Drew, Adam, you guys rock.

6:15 Adam Thank you.

6:15 Caller All right. I got my nipples pierced about two weeks ago, and they're starting to, like, I think they're getting infected because they're starting to get real wet, red, and swelling. Sorry, I'm a little nervous.

6:26 Jimmy Kimmel You and them both done something? Yeah, both of them. Who did this for you?

6:30 Adam Your roommate in prison.

6:32 Caller My cousin's friend. He pierces at a, like, a studio place.

6:36 Jimmy Kimmel You know, any reputable piercing person or organization wouldn't do something under the 18 without a parent.

6:43 Adam They wouldn't? What piercing place is reputable? Have you seen those places? Oh, the guys, you ever see, the guys who work in those places look like the guy in the cover of the movie The Hills Have Eyes.

6:55 Caller Like Tommy Lee.

6:56 Adam At least.

6:57 Jimmy Kimmel But some of them, some of them really try to create something.

7:00 Adam No, they don't.

7:01 Caller Yeah, they do. Tommy Lee and Marilyn Manson.

7:03 Adam They're all troublemakers.

7:04 Jimmy Kimmel These could be that merely that it's rejecting, but it also could be infection. I would suggest.

7:09 Caller I heard if you take them out, they'll scar up.

7:11 Jimmy Kimmel Well, they're going to.

7:12 Caller And when you get them pierced again, they'll have to pierce through the scar tissue.

7:15 Jimmy Kimmel That could be, but it's going to scar worse if you leave it in through an infection. But listen.

7:19 Adam What's wrong with piercing through scar tissue, by the way?

7:22 Caller By the way.

7:23 Jimmy Kimmel I don't know.

7:24 Adam You know what I mean? You don't feel that, do you?

7:26 Caller I just had a hurt real bad.

7:27 Jimmy Kimmel Did you do the proper care? Did you do the cleaning with it?

7:31 Caller I cleaned them and stuff.

7:32 Jimmy Kimmel The way that this guy's instructed you how to do it, right?

7:35 Caller Not really.

7:36 Jimmy Kimmel I see.

7:37 Adam You got them both pierced?

7:38 Caller Yeah, I did get them both at one time as well.

7:41 Adam What's wrong with you?

7:42 Caller Nothing.

7:43 Adam Really? Seriously? You're 16. That's a little gay, isn't it?

7:47 Caller No. No.

7:49 Adam Come on. That's weird.

7:50 Caller My girlfriend was wanting me to get it done, actually.

7:52 Adam Oh, boy. All right. What is she? Is she in her 40s?

7:56 Caller No. She's 17.

7:58 Adam All right. Do you hate your parents?

7:59 Caller No. Okay. Well, I don't want my parents to find out because my dad told me he's ripped anything out, that he's fine, pierced.

8:07 Adam It's a good policy.

8:08 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, I'm going to remember that policy. I'm going to apply that one. But you may need to see a doctor, Matt, because if these infections get going, they can be fierce.

8:15 Adam Are you still sick, Drew?

8:16 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah. Oh, it's an awful weekend. I got so bad on Saturday, you would have hollered your ass off.

8:21 Adam What? You couldn't be understood?

8:23 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, it was bizarre.

8:25 Adam Cracking all over the place?

8:27 Jimmy Kimmel Greg Brady with each word.

8:29 Adam I think it's Pete Brady. Sam?

8:31 Jimmy Kimmel Excuse me. It's Pete Brady.

8:31 Adam Yeah. You're 15. What's up?

8:34 Caller Well, about a year ago, my dad got caught for possession of crack, and he went to a psychiatrist afterwards, and they said that he wasn't addicted. He was just going through a hard time.

8:49 Jimmy Kimmel Please. Please. But this is occasional use of crack, recreational crack.

8:55 Adam Well, I remember when my grandfather passed away a few years back. My grandmother did some crack for a while, just during the grieving process, had to cope. We all smoked. We all passed a crack pipe at the funeral.

9:08 Jimmy Kimmel There really are two drugs that do not have meaningful recreational use. It is crack and heroin. If you're using those, it's because you're an addict.

9:16 Caller Well, and you know, so he pretty much promised to us that he wasn't going to start it again, but I guess...

9:23 Jimmy Kimmel If he were not going to a program and actively involved in some form of recovery, he would use again.

9:28 Caller And he... Well, that's my question, is he is right now? And...

9:33 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Well, let's be fair to the guy. Maybe he was just dealing.

9:38 Caller No, he wasn't. He had like a very small amount and...

9:42 Adam I see.

9:43 Caller An undercover cop kind of busted him, I think, is what happened.

9:47 Adam I see.

9:47 Caller But, yeah, I just... I was suspecting that he was, and I found some of his pipes and things, but I'm just wondering what I should do to help him or...

9:59 Adam Boy.

9:59 Jimmy Kimmel You should go to Alateen. And, do you have a mom?

10:04 Caller Yeah.

10:04 Jimmy Kimmel Does she know about this?

10:05 Caller Well, she knew about the previous...

10:09 Jimmy Kimmel Tell her about this one. You go to Alateen, she goes to Al-Anon, and you guys require him to get some treatment. That's it. All right, Sam. You guys are very firm about this, Sam.

10:18 Adam Good luck to you. Thank you very much. All right. Jimmy Kimmel is now here. Jimmy, you know, from the Fox Free Game Show, as well as The Man Show, which is on As We Speak on Comedy Central.

10:29 Drew That's right. Oh, my microphone was on. Oh, now it's on. There we go.

10:32 Adam It always takes a little while.

10:34 Drew I was listening to you guys in the car on the way over, and I had felt a fart coming out of that. I held it, which I haven't done for years. I haven't held one in. And I'm riding with my brother, I said, this is very unnatural. I don't know, I feel like I'm gonna explode. But I did save it, because I was hoping the fart as I burst in the door, but it didn't happen.

10:54 Jimmy Kimmel The ass doesn't respond quite like a skeletal muscle. You can't command it.

10:58 Drew Well, not Adam's. Adam's got like a jab.

11:00 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, no. Even his, right?

11:03 Drew He farted right, I said, Adam, I have gas. He farted right into the phone.

11:06 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, yeah, he's lucky, lucky him. Usually it's like, all right, here comes.

11:10 Drew No, I know a couple of guys that can do that. Adam does it on occasion, but there's a couple of guys I know that can fart like that.

11:16 Adam Yeah, it's serendipity when I do it. I don't have complete control over my anus, but I do have good timing like any good comedian.

11:23 Jimmy Kimmel I'll just remind you, three grown men sitting here talking about this.

11:26 Adam It'd be a big night.

11:27 Jimmy Kimmel Truly bizarre.

11:28 Drew I tell you, if my dad was here, he'd be talking about it and laughing too.

11:31 Adam Jimmy, what'd you?

11:32 Jimmy Kimmel It separates me from my friend. It really does.

11:34 Drew No, I don't want to have a horrible, embarrassing accent. I just had Mexican food. Wouldn't that be great if I actually crapped on myself during the show?

11:44 Adam Yeah.

11:44 Drew Did it on The Man Show once.

11:46 Adam Yeah, he did. He was in a nice white suit.

11:49 Jimmy Kimmel You find this stuff infinitely amusing. I just never see.

11:52 Most women do.

11:55 Drew Most women love it.

11:56 Jimmy Kimmel Is Gina like this?

11:57 Drew Not at all. No, she is.

11:58 Jimmy Kimmel Is my wife just not. Anything humorous in it?

12:00 Drew Not even in the slightest.

12:01 Jimmy Kimmel Can she understand what you two find humorous in it?

12:04 Drew I don't know if she understands. I guess it's like, if you understand why certain animals eat certain things, like you see squirrels eating acorns. You go, well, I wouldn't eat any acorns, but I guess for them it's okay.

12:17 Jimmy Kimmel By the way, I enjoyed having dinner with you guys last night.

12:19 Drew Yeah, it was a good time, right?

12:20 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, it was a good time.

12:21 Adam Let me tell you something. I have been in the room when Jimmy has let some of these things go, some of these natural disasters that come out of his ass. It really should get some, like, FEMA should step in at some point and start handing out blankets and cots to the survivors.

12:40 Jimmy Kimmel It's unfortunate.

12:41 Adam Really, it is a natural disaster. It comes out of his ass. And I'm in a room that's twice as big as this one and I can't handle it and I go walk outside and I think to myself, what must that be like to the poor woman who's trapped under the comforter with him at 4.30 in the morning on a very cold, cold morning.

12:59 Drew It's no good, but she deserves every inch of it.

13:01 Jimmy Kimmel She deserves every cubic foot of fecal matter. I want to come to her defense.

13:05 Adam Delightful.

13:06 Jimmy Kimmel You guys gang up on her unnecessarily.

13:08 Adam She's delightful.

13:08 Jimmy Kimmel She is.

13:09 Drew The one thing she isn't is delightful.

13:10 Adam Yes, she is. She's a lot of things, and not all bad, but not delightful. Never delightful.

13:17 Drew But she's drunk. She's whimsical, but not delightful.

13:21 Adam All right. Well, Jimmy, what's next for you after the Man Show?

13:25 Drew I have some projects in the works that you may know about because you're in all of them.

13:31 Adam All right. So let's plug the Man Show.

13:33 Drew It's on right now. People should turn off the radio, actually. Shouldn't they just come back in 1031? That's right.

13:39 Adam We'll be here.

13:40 Drew They can skip the rerun of the Man Show that will follow. But I guess if you're listening on the West Coast, you should just turn the radio off and watch it. We'd appreciate it. Oh, my God.

13:51 Adam Or just turn the radio off.

13:52 Drew Drew, you're on 10 hours a week. What's one half hour going to kill you? Adam and I, we're out on the streets if this thing doesn't work out.

13:58 Adam That's right.

13:58 Drew They move us to Sunday nights.

14:00 Adam You hear me, Drew? You know what I'm saying?

14:03 Jimmy Kimmel Then you can go around to...

14:04 Drew See how delightful my wife is when I'm unemployed.

14:07 Jimmy Kimmel He can go around scrambling for jobs, for any kind of employee, any sort of money.

14:11 Drew That's right. There's a little something that Drew was... Adam was busting Drew's balls about on the air. Where are you tonight, Drew? Drew is out of town doing some corporate gig. Drew smells a nickel. He goes running.

14:24 Jimmy Kimmel So Jimmy coached me a little bit last time. How should I respond?

14:27 Drew It's funny that Adam would say that of all people.

14:29 Adam Well, because I'm funny.

14:31 Jimmy Kimmel After all, let's remember caught red-handed, television history. Television history, red-handed. And what else, Jimmy?

14:41 Drew Oh, Adam, we're constantly, constantly trying to prevent that. I mean, you don't know the things like the one. Don't tell Adam about this.

14:48 Adam Did you guys?

14:49 Jimmy Kimmel He'll do anything.

14:50 Drew Yeah, I'll meet with him. Yeah, sure.

14:51 Adam You guys didn't know that De Niro was in Lost in Space for the first three seasons, did you? Everybody slips up. But it's the professionals that get back on their feet, dust themselves off, and chase the next roll of nickels rolling down the street.

15:05 Drew I can't believe I haven't farted yet. I'm disappointed in myself. Yeah, I haven't either.

15:09 Adam And I was farting up my house and then I was farting up the car and I was really thinking this is going to be a big night.

15:14 Drew It's all the stress.

15:15 Adam All right, let's see what we can do. Drew, what can we do to aid this gas? Is coffee and swallowing air?

15:20 Jimmy Kimmel Swallowing air. Swallow a bunch of air.

15:21 Drew There's no raw vegetables in that vending machine, are there?

15:24 Adam No.

15:25 Jimmy Kimmel There's nothing. There's bugs.

15:26 Drew Yeah, I heard he ate some worms.

15:29 Adam He really, he just ate a moth larvae, no big deal.

15:32 Jimmy Kimmel No, the moth itself went down.

15:34 Adam Do you think he ate the moth, though?

15:35 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

15:36 Adam Did you check your stool?

15:37 Jimmy Kimmel No, but I had some weird stuff in my teeth.

15:39 Adam Did you feel your stool hovering toward the porch light?

15:41 Drew His stool was flying around his suits.

15:46 Adam Lindy? Lindy? Caller?

15:50 Drew Person who identifies himself as Lindy, see?

15:53 Adam No, because they wouldn't make up Lindy. All right.

15:56 Drew Well, he could have been creative.

15:57 Adam Let's go to Peter. Peter? Hey. You're 19. What's up?

16:02 Caller Yeah. I got this girl pregnant at work. She's 27. I'm 19.

16:07 Jimmy Kimmel What kind of work you do?

16:08 Caller I work at a department store.

16:11 Adam What part of the department store?

16:13 Caller Clothing, just like men's clothing.

16:15 Drew What department is she working?

16:17 Caller She works in the female clothing, whatever, Mervins.

16:21 Drew Mervins. Mervins.

16:23 Caller Yeah.

16:24 Drew Yeah.

16:24 Adam Do you work at Mervins?

16:26 Drew Yeah. I used to work at Miller's Outpost. That was a big rival, Mervins. Somebody came in with a Mervins bag, tried to return something. They're like, get the hell out of here.

16:33 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's like the jets and the sharks. I was wondering if you guys could shoot me.

16:39 Caller I listen to the show all the time, and now I got this chick pregnant. I'm like...

16:42 Adam I don't know if I believe him.

16:45 Jimmy Kimmel Did you date her very long?

16:46 You want to talk to her?

16:47 Adam No, no. I really don't believe you.

16:49 Jimmy Kimmel There she is.

16:50 Adam Yeah. Really. Does she have anybody?

16:53 Jimmy Kimmel Is she your girlfriend?

16:55 Caller Yeah. I've only known her like a couple months.

16:57 Jimmy Kimmel But she's not like just this chick. She's your girlfriend, right?

16:59 Yeah.

17:01 Drew Do you love her?

17:02 I don't know.

17:03 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, I got to talk to her.

17:04 Drew She's in the room. He's going, I don't know. He's very casual. This can't be true, can it?

17:08 Jimmy Kimmel Let's get her on the phone.

17:09 Adam Put her on the phone.

17:09 Caller You want to talk to her?

17:10 Adam Yeah.

17:10 Jimmy Kimmel Very badly.

17:11 Caller Come here. Come here.

17:13 Jimmy Kimmel What's her name?

17:13 Drew Very forceful for someone who's eight years older.

17:16 Caller She's listening, right?

17:16 Jimmy Kimmel What's her name?

17:18 Caller Come here.

17:19 Drew Her name's Lindy.

17:21 Adam What's her name, Peter?

17:22 Lisa.

17:23 Jimmy Kimmel All right, Lisa. We need to straighten Peter out by talking to Lisa.

17:27 Caller She don't want to talk.

17:28 Jimmy Kimmel That's a shame.

17:29 I'm not lying, though.

17:30 Adam I don't know what to do.

17:31 Caller We went to Planned Parenthood last week.

17:33 Jimmy Kimmel And?

17:34 Caller I finally found out.

17:35 Adam Yeah. Well, does she want to have the baby? Yeah, she does.

17:38 Caller I told her to get abortion.

17:39 Adam She got mad. Yeah, you're pretty smooth.

17:42 Jimmy Kimmel You're pretty cavalier, Peter.

17:43 Caller I know.

17:45 I'm an A-hole. Yeah.

17:46 Drew Do they have a Children's Department at Mervins? Yeah. All right, so you get the discount. This won't cost you as much as would regular people.

17:53 Caller I can't afford a kid working at Mervins.

17:56 Adam Yeah. And just inform me, I'm wearing the same shirt that I'm wearing on the Man Show as we speak. What are the chances? 50-50?

18:07 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, you have two shirts, though. What the hell?

18:09 Caller Who's the guest?

18:10 Adam Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, one of the hottest, freshest faces in the LA scene.

18:15 Caller He's very hot.

18:16 Adam Yeah. All right. Hey, Peter?

18:17 Caller Yeah.

18:18 Adam I'd like to help you with your prom, but you seem like such a colossal a-hole. It really interrupts my process.

18:24 Jimmy Kimmel You are an asshole. I'm glad you went to Planned Parenthood. It seems like you're sort of helping her through the process, but it doesn't sound like you're very involved with her, and she needs to know that.

18:33 Adam Well, maybe she should give the kid up for adoption.

18:35 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, that'd be great.

18:36 Adam And then give Peter up for adoption. Yeah. Lindy, are we trying to get her back?

18:41 Drew I'm trying.

18:41 Adam That's good radio, Drew.

18:43 Drew When I was 17 years old, I had sex with one of the managers at Miller's Outpost.

18:49 Jimmy Kimmel No way.

18:49 Drew His name was Dave.

18:52 Adam Anything for a free belt.

18:56 Drew No, I actually did.

18:57 Adam Dale?

18:57 Drew I hope my mother's not listening.

18:59 Jimmy Kimmel And when you were seven, how old was she?

19:00 Drew She was like 26 or something.

19:02 Jimmy Kimmel Same deal here.

19:03 Drew Didn't get her pregnant, though.

19:04 Adam How many years were you at Miller's Outpost?

19:06 Drew Three and a half years. Head of the shoe department, by the way.

19:09 Jimmy Kimmel Shoe?

19:10 Adam Shoe department.

19:11 Drew I know all there is to know about shoes, yeah.

19:13 Jimmy Kimmel Shoe salesman.

19:14 Drew Yes, well, I didn't start as a head of the shoe department. I started at the dressing room, the stock room.

19:21 Jimmy Kimmel Isn't that the requisite for starting a rock band or something, almost shoe?

19:24 Drew Well, there's plenty of time, Drew. What are you talking about?

19:27 Jimmy Kimmel That's where Goldfinger came from.

19:31 Adam Nobody knows that.

19:32 Drew That's where Goldfinger is working right now, I understand. Someone is guys at the King's Game.

19:37 Adam Dale?

19:37 Drew Talking to the Buster Brown.

19:38 Adam Oh, you saw Darren?

19:40 Drew Yeah.

19:40 Adam Dale, you're 18. Yep. What's up?

19:44 Caller Just want to call you guys and tell you I checked out the man show tonight.

19:47 Caller I thought it was like the best show, but I want to talk about the x-rays you guys had on there.

19:51 Adam Yeah. X-ray specs?

19:54 Caller No, no, no, no, the other x-rays.

19:56 Drew Oh, yeah, the things. We had a segment where x-ray follies, we found these x-rays on the internet of things people had put up their butt.

20:05 Soap bottles and...

20:06 Drew Shampoo.

20:07 Caller I think I saw a curling iron.

20:08 Drew Yeah.

20:08 Caller What do you guys find stuff like that? That's like the grossest thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

20:12 Jimmy Kimmel I never knew that was that, but that is a common thing.

20:15 Drew There's a real doctor that has a website that posts those x-rays.

20:19 Jimmy Kimmel I'm telling you something. Anybody that's worked in an emergency room, anybody that's been a colon colorectal surgeon has seen lots of stuff.

20:26 Drew I keep all my toiletries in there.

20:27 Jimmy Kimmel Up the key.

20:28 What the? Is that safe?

20:30 Jimmy Kimmel No. People die of that. We had one guy who had a grapefruit crammed up there and he died. He ruptured his colon.

20:38 Drew How do you get it in there?

20:39 Jimmy Kimmel I don't know. In every single person that comes in with foreign matter up their rectum has the exact same explanation.

20:47 Adam I fell.

20:48 Jimmy Kimmel I fell. I sat on it.

20:49 Adam This guy said he swallowed a seed many years ago.

20:53 Drew That would be my angle if I had a grapefruit.

20:55 Adam Any fruit in the ass. Banana seed? Yeah. I ate a banana seed.

21:02 Caller Now what's the most you can shove up there?

21:04 Drew I mean, I'm not like weird.

21:06 Adam I've seen bison up young gay man's ass. I've seen many, many things. Drew, what do you think? Bowling pin? What would you say? What would you say the record would be?

21:17 Jimmy Kimmel I don't know what the record is, but all that stuff seems dangerous to me.

21:20 Adam Drew, what do you need to do the x-ray for? A guy says he's got a lamp in his ass.

21:24 Jimmy Kimmel Most of them don't tell you what to look for.

21:25 Drew Most of them don't tell you, right?

21:26 Jimmy Kimmel They don't tell you. I'm having abdominal pain, is what they come in with.

21:29 Adam Oh, really?

21:30 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

21:30 Adam Well, they don't think you're going to stumble on to the jar that's in their ass, essentially?

21:37 Jimmy Kimmel It's the same sort of mindset that tells you they sat on it.

21:40 Adam You know what there needs to be? You know how they have those mafia doctors? You got to pull a bullet out of your side, so you're not asking any questions. Homo doctor.

21:49 Jimmy Kimmel You know, a lot of these guys were, these guys are not homos, a lot of them. A lot of them is like, no, no.

21:53 Adam Yes, they are.

21:53 Jimmy Kimmel A lot of them were like gang things that went bad.

21:56 Adam Really?

21:56 Jimmy Kimmel Drug deals went bad. I hate you don't pay them.

21:57 Drew Fraternity hazing?

21:59 Adam Really?

22:00 Drew Really? Wow. Why would they lie about it? I would, as a doctor, I would refuse to treat them until they admitted what really happened. So listen, I'm not pulling it out there until you tell me how this got up there. And don't tell me you sat on it again. Spit it out or it's staying.

22:15 Adam True.

22:15 Drew Really.

22:15 Adam Do you think people send things up people's rectums when they're late on payments and things like that?

22:21 Jimmy Kimmel They seem to be like fights and things like, like, like retribution.

22:24 Drew That's why I had to get rid of my Discover card.

22:26 Jimmy Kimmel Like, I got a broomstick around his ass. That was not, that was not to stimulate. That was to try to kill it.

22:33 Adam Oh, well, yeah. But doesn't the broomstick come out of the ass? I mean, what did you do? Break off?

22:40 Drew No, the bed knobs come out of the ass.

22:42 Jimmy Kimmel Through the colon into his abdominal cavity.

22:44 Adam What about Angela Lansbury? Would she come out of your ass? Okay. Jimmy Kimmel, the great Jimmy Kimmel, one of the freshest faces in comedy. Thank you, idiot. He's here tonight. He's here plugging The Man Show, which is on right now on Comedy Central, everybody, as well as the Fox Pre Game Show, Sunday, about 9.15.

23:02 Drew That's not on now, though.

23:03 Adam We will take ourselves a little break when we come back and speak to Kim. Kim had unprotected sex, and she wants to know if, what's that mean? Signs that she's pregnant. Oh, I see, she wants to know if she's pregnant after this. Why, that sucks. Drew, get a good call. Get something with someone's ass. But if you admit to having something in your ass, do you still need to x-ray it? Do you know what I mean?

23:26 Drew It couldn't hurt.

23:27 Jimmy Kimmel Well, it's also to make sure they haven't ruptured, there's no free air on the air doing that kind of thing.

23:30 Adam How low does your self-esteem have to be as a young student to get into the colon rectal surgery end of the medicine field? That's a pretty high specialized thing.

23:42 Drew When I didn't get nominated for Homecoming King, I actually thought about Plantain up there.

23:50 Adam All right, when we come back we'll speak to Lisa. First date with a guy who forced her to have sex with him and she wants to know if she was raped after this.

23:59 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

24:02 Presenting Loveline this evening. Right here on 947NRK.

24:10 Caller The New Rock Alternative.

24:18 Welcome back.

24:19 Caller So glad you're here.

24:21 Caller What's up, man?

24:22 Adam We're back. It is Love Line. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOV. We're here with the Emmy Award winning Jimmy Kimmel, who can be found on The Man Show, Sundays, 10 o'clock on Comedy Central. Also, later on this week, we're gonna have Vanessa, one of the Juggies, from The Man Show, along with-

24:58 Drew It's tomorrow, huh?

24:58 Adam That's tomorrow, along with Primus, and then Natalie Rotano from VIP, and Justin Whalen from Dungeons and Dragons, which I have no idea what that movie is about, but I'm guessing it's Dungeons and Dragons, and that means bad times.

25:14 Drew I thought Super Mario Brothers was a little late when it came out. The Pokemon movie just missed the curve. Dungeons and Dragons is popular with the nerds when I was in high school. Do they still like that?

25:25 Adam I think it still goes. I think it's still going. Drew, you were playing that, right?

25:29 Jimmy Kimmel No, never get to that.

25:30 Adam Really?

25:31 Drew That was before Drew's time.

25:32 Jimmy Kimmel Before my time, I was a different kind of nerd. I was just lame.

25:36 Adam You were a lazy nerd? That's true. Yeah.

25:38 Jimmy Kimmel No, I was more lame than nerd.

25:41 Adam You were before Dungeons and Dragons time.

25:44 Jimmy Kimmel Yes.

25:44 Adam I see. All right. We will get back on the phones and speak to Lisa's 27.

25:50 Caller Hi, guys. Hi. First of all, I should just say that I love the show. And I love listening to you guys. And I've listened a long time and I never thought I'd call. So I might as well praise you now. So thank you. You're brilliant, you're brilliant, you're brilliant. So I've listened so long and I never thought I'd call because it sounds really stupid and I sound like a stupid girl. But I went out on a date a couple of weeks ago with a guy. And it was somebody that I had known before. I mean, it was just he came up and asked for my number. And so, you know, I didn't had known him, went out on the date, went to dinner, went to a movie, went back to his place, you know, because, and I didn't think that anything was going to happen. He had a nice view of the city. So I thought, what the heck? And it was a nice view, but it ended up in his bedroom. And one thing led to another.

26:44 Jimmy Kimmel How did you end up in his bedroom?

26:46 Caller Well, because the view is from his bedroom.

26:50 Jimmy Kimmel He's very smooth.

26:51 Caller I'm sounding like a really dumb girl. But the whole way, I mean, there was kissing and that was fine. But it was, I was just kind of fighting the whole way. You know, like, he would touch me there, but I let him go, just slow down. Okay, calm down, calm down.

27:13 Adam Was he feeding you booze?

27:15 Caller No.

27:16 Adam No?

27:16 Caller I was sober.

27:17 Adam What an idiot. What kind of move is that?

27:20 Jimmy Kimmel And slow down for a guy doesn't mean don't do that.

27:25 Caller Yeah, and I was, you know, I would, I mean, my hand was like pulling away, but he would just go right back and I'm like, okay, and I was thinking maybe, you know.

27:33 Drew But you kept kissing him and stuff, huh?

27:35 Caller I know, I know.

27:36 Jimmy Kimmel And you said okay.

27:38 Adam Wait, was this guy a powerful guy? I don't mean physically, but I mean, did he make a lot of money, drive a nice car, all that stuff?

27:45 Caller No, no. He just had a nice apartment.

27:47 Adam I see.

27:49 Caller So, yes, it got to the point where like my, you know, skirt was up and he was using his fingers. And I know I didn't sound stupid, but the next thing I know, he was inside. And I got pissed, obviously, because I was like, sit mask and he wasn't wearing anything.

28:11 Adam Oh, boy.

28:12 Caller Yeah, and yeah.

28:14 Adam You weren't you weren't drunk, huh?

28:16 Caller No.

28:16 Adam Then no drinking at all.

28:18 Caller No.

28:18 Adam Well, that's very unusual.

28:21 Drew Doesn't say much for his penis either.

28:24 Adam Right. Not to know he's in.

28:26 Caller Yeah, it was like, oh, wait, that's bigger than I.

28:28 Adam OK, I have this technique where I put it in first and then inflate it much like a truck inner tube. It works better. It's better for the ladies. It's better for the gents. It's better for everyone. It just helps. Well, that way you can get them while they're sleeping.

28:44 That's nice.

28:46 Caller Yeah, it wasn't that impressive, but...

28:48 Drew Are you traumatized by it?

28:50 Caller Well, I just, I was pissed more than anything. And I kind of just laughed and then, I don't know, it's been bothering me.

29:00 Adam Well, how long did it go on?

29:05 Jimmy Kimmel Did you stop it right away?

29:06 Caller Yeah, I stopped it right away, because I was like, you didn't even ask.

29:09 Jimmy Kimmel Have you been victimized ever before?

29:11 Caller No.

29:11 Jimmy Kimmel Never?

29:12 Caller And, um...

29:14 Jimmy Kimmel You're 27, why do you refer to yourself as a girl?

29:18 Caller I'm sorry?

29:19 Jimmy Kimmel You said you referred to yourself as a stupid girl.

29:21 Caller Well, I feel stupid, because I mean...

29:23 Jimmy Kimmel You're 27.

29:24 Drew She said I sound like a stupid girl.

29:26 Caller Well, because I... I should have, like, I'm not very... When I said no, I should have meant it, and I should have laughed, but, you know, I feel guilt and stuff, like, oh, you know, I let him this far. I really should let him just...

29:42 Jimmy Kimmel Help me understand where that comes from in women, because that is a strange emotion.

29:46 Drew What, the guilt?

29:47 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, that guilt, because the guy was enjoying your company, he was fine as far as it went. If you'd said no there, because that's where you're comfortable, that's fine.

29:56 Adam Yeah, still, he had a pretty good night by most accounts.

30:00 Jimmy Kimmel I mean... You can't feel guilty about that.

30:02 Adam What's up with your self-esteem? Are you overweight?

30:05 Caller Um, a little bit, yeah.

30:07 Jimmy Kimmel You're fat.

30:08 Adam Drew, please, I said overweight. And is yourself...

30:11 Just use the radio math.

30:13 Adam How tall are you?

30:15 Five-five.

30:16 Adam Five-five. How much are you weighing? Um, two-tenths. Two-tenths? All right, let me do some radio math. Five-three and three-sixteenths and two-hundred and thirty-seven pounds. So maybe that's it. Maybe your self-esteem isn't what it could be.

30:35 Caller It could be better. It could be better.

30:37 Adam And how else... How's the rest of your life going?

30:41 Caller Um, it's okay. I just mostly work and date. And ever since I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, it's just been like dates here and there. And one night I got really drunk and then just made out with somebody. So that was... I don't know. But, yeah, this is like... I should have said no and I didn't. And then I wasn't going to think anything about it, but I was listening to your show and you had somebody on that was, I think, an AIDS representative or...

31:14 Adam Yeah.

31:14 Caller I can't remember. And he said that most of the antibody or I don't know whatever it's called, is in the pre-cum.

31:23 Jimmy Kimmel Maybe.

31:24 Caller So just like I thought, okay, maybe the little time that he was in there...

31:28 Adam All right. Well, listen, you want to press charges against this guy?

31:32 Caller No, no, no, because I wasn't thinking, you know...

31:36 Jimmy Kimmel How long ago did this happen?

31:38 Caller Like about four nights ago. It was...

31:41 Adam And has he called you or anything?

31:44 Caller No. Well, he called, but I didn't answer.

31:46 Jimmy Kimmel You sure might want to take the morning after pill. It's a little bit... Was it three nights ago or four nights ago?

31:51 Caller Well, I had just ended my period.

31:55 Jimmy Kimmel Like I said, she still did the morning after pill.

31:56 Caller I wasn't worried about pregnancy or anything.

32:00 Adam All right. No, she's not going to be. Listen.

32:02 Caller What I was worried about now, I'm like, maybe I should get tested.

32:04 Adam All right. Get tested. Couldn't hurt anyway, right?

32:08 Drew Well, the needle does hurt. There's a little sting when you take the blood.

32:12 Caller I don't mind. But yeah, you think that there's a possibility.

32:15 Jimmy Kimmel Well, it's pretty rare.

32:17 Drew Get your cholesterol done while you're at it, too.

32:19 Jimmy Kimmel It would hurt to get checked out.

32:21 Caller I'm not that bad. But also, is that how it usually happens? I mean, as a guy, just he's not taking no for an answer.

32:32 Drew Well, I don't think you said no. I mean, if he kept kissing the guy and he kept, you know, kind of brushing his hands away, you know.

32:39 Caller Yeah, I mean, there were times when, I mean, his hand was going for something and I would physically, like, take it and he'd go right back to it.

32:46 Jimmy Kimmel But you said slow down. Slow down is not, hey, nah, knock it off.

32:51 Drew Yeah.

32:51 Jimmy Kimmel Slow down to him is like a way to beat.

32:53 Adam All right. This falls under the heading of sort of bad night. I mean, I don't want anyone calling the show saying that she was raped and she needs to get counseling and blah, blah, blah. She made kind of some bad decisions. He's an a-hole. You got to just get past it.

33:09 Jimmy Kimmel He wants to keep dating her though.

33:10 Adam You think so? You think so?

33:12 Jimmy Kimmel Still calling.

33:13 Well, yeah.

33:14 Jimmy Kimmel It's only been four days.

33:15 Adam How did he get her upstairs?

33:16 That's a big question.

33:17 Jimmy Kimmel The view.

33:18 Drew Ice cream.

33:20 Adam All right. All right. Well, I don't know. I wouldn't continue dating the rapist, although he's not really a... I don't know if he's an additional rapist.

33:29 Drew I didn't sound like he...

33:30 Adam No. Most guys keep going until they're stopped. They're like kids at Disneyland. They don't say it's time to leave. You round them up and drag them. Yeah.

33:38 Drew You keep riding until you vomit.

33:40 Adam Right. And you do that bluff. I'm going to go now. I'm going to rape now. I got other people to rape.

33:46 Jimmy Kimmel Two-minute warning. We're leaving in two minutes.

33:47 Adam I'm in the car. I'm going to my next rape victim.

33:52 Jimmy Kimmel I'm a rapist.

33:55 Adam Jake?

33:55 Caller Yeah.

33:57 Adam You're 19. What's up?

33:58 Caller Hey, that's right. First of all, I just saw the Man Show. That x-ray specs thing was great. Oh, thanks. First thing, hey, Drew, you say that spanking is a form of child abuse.

34:09 Jimmy Kimmel No. I remember I always ask if the people use an object.

34:13 Caller Well-

34:14 Jimmy Kimmel And that seems to be the threshold issue. That spanking, a single episode of spanking, you're supposed to spank if it's a behavior that you need to have stopped immediately like walking into traffic or something dangerous.

34:24 Adam Swallowing.

34:25 Jimmy Kimmel And what you'll find is that the literature is shown very clearly-

34:28 Adam It bugs me when I'm trying to watch TV.

34:30 Jimmy Kimmel While spanking will stop the behavior in the moment, within the next two weeks you'll see increasing truancy and acting out. And if you continue to spank, you tend to sort of string together this truancy and you end up with a kid who's sort of antisocial. Now if you then factor in striking with an object, then it becomes a whole different thing.

34:51 Caller Well, I don't understand because, you know, I for one, I was spanked with a belt. And my sister was, and my parents were, and my grandparents were. And my question is, if we were all, if everybody I know was spanked with an object, how come we're not all screwed up?

35:05 Jimmy Kimmel Well, You ever listen to this show?

35:07 Caller All the time, every night.

35:08 Drew Nobody that's screwed up though thinks they are screwed up. So you could very well be screwed up.

35:12 Adam Yeah, we should really talk to some of your coworkers. I'm sure they'd have a whole different spin on this screwed up thing. Plus, you're going through your entire family lineage and everyone beat everyone with a belt.

35:23 Jimmy Kimmel That's how that happens.

35:24 Adam So that's a good, you're kind of making Drew's argument.

35:27 Jimmy Kimmel And a case for the cycle of abuse.

35:28 Adam But now what, do you have any kids, Jake?

35:31 Caller No, I'm too young for that.

35:33 Adam You're right. And you're not antisocial or violent?

35:35 Caller No, nobody in my family is.

35:37 Adam You don't work around metal or attend junior college?

35:39 Caller No, no, university.

35:41 Adam I see. So everything's fine. Listen, it...

35:44 Drew Couldn't hurt to not spank them. That's the way I look at it.

35:46 Caller I don't plan on spanking them.

35:48 Jimmy Kimmel What it does, check out, your sister's never been victimized in any way?

35:51 Caller No, none of us have. Nobody has.

35:53 Jimmy Kimmel It just sets you up to be a victim is what it does.

35:56 Caller I have one more question.

35:57 Adam Yes. And I want to say this. I don't have kids. I've learned a few things from the show. When I do have kids and I do want to discipline them and on the off chance, I do have to spank them. I don't want them to associate the spanking with me. So I'm working on a spanking machine.

36:11 Yeah.

36:12 Adam It'll be down in the garage. I'll strap them in and then I'll leave the room.

36:15 Jimmy Kimmel Popeye have one of those.

36:18 Caller Hey, I got one more question.

36:19 Adam Yeah, I think it was called Brutus.

36:21 Caller Can I ask one more thing?

36:22 Jimmy Kimmel Yes.

36:22 Adam Yes.

36:22 Caller Where did Ace Rockolla come from? Where did that happen?

36:25 Adam From heaven. I don't know. Ace Rockolla. Actually, I was sleeping. I was sound asleep. I was dreaming. And then I woke up jacked off and then I thought of Ace Rockolla.

36:37 Caller Oh, my God.

36:39 Drew Just a regular day.

36:40 Adam That's right.

36:41 Drew I got a great invention too. I got to tell you, I thought of this. I think you guys are both going to love it.

36:46 Adam Well, wait a minute. We'll take a break. And when we come back, Jimmy will tell us about his new invention after this.

37:26 Hey, Loveline!

37:27 Adam I'm Adam Carolla. I got you drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jimmy Kimmel is our guest tonight. Jimmy's here plugging the Fabulous Man Show. All new episodes on Comedy Central Sunday nights, 10 o'clock.

37:43 Drew Best show on television.

37:44 Adam Oh, yes.

37:46 Drew It's the governor, Jess Ventura. So, here's my invention.

37:49 Adam Yeah.

37:49 Drew All right. It's kind of, it's all right putting Christmas lights up, right? You know, it's like, hey, it's the season and this and that, but the worst part is putting them down. No, taking them down.

37:59 Jimmy Kimmel It's bad getting them up too.

38:00 Adam Well, no, no, no.

38:00 Drew But, but, but put... Go with me on this.

38:02 Caller All right. No, no.

38:03 Adam Let me... Hold on a second. How dare you?

38:05 Jimmy Kimmel I want someone to take care of both.

38:06 Adam No, but putting them up, you have the excitement of seeing the finished product like any project, you know. Yeah.

38:12 Caller I'll give you that.

38:13 Jimmy Kimmel I'll give you that.

38:13 Caller Yeah.

38:13 Jimmy Kimmel There's a payoff.

38:14 Adam And taking... And it signifies Christmas.

38:17 Jimmy Kimmel Right, right, right.

38:17 Drew Taking them down means it's over.

38:19 Adam It's February. Right.

38:21 Drew In my family's case, like May. Right.

38:23 Adam Yeah.

38:24 Drew So here's what it is. It's like biodegradable Christmas lights.

38:28 Caller Ooh.

38:29 Drew They last for like, you know, a month or so. And then, I don't know how you make it exactly, but squirrels or birds eat them.

38:37 Jimmy Kimmel How about you can fire them out of a gun?

38:40 Drew Well, they had that in The Grinch.

38:41 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, I can imagine.

38:42 Drew In that horrible movie, The Grinch, they had that. Dr. Drew loved that movie. But even if you fired them out of the, you loved that movie?

38:49 Jimmy Kimmel Didn't love it. I admired the effort.

38:52 Adam He said loved.

38:53 Drew They all got paid too much.

38:54 Adam What a capital L, he told me.

38:55 Drew But if you actually, you know, even if you shot them up there, you still have to go down and pull them down. This would take care of that. Here's- Somebody's gotta work on this.

39:03 Adam Here's my, I think the problem-

39:05 Drew You know, if you use fireflies or what? What exactly?

39:08 Adam The problem with it is, is I think if it was biodegradable and it rained, it would probably start coming undone. If it was made of some sort of product that came apart, and the whole electricity part of it is gonna be difficult with the biodegradable part.

39:24 Jimmy Kimmel Maybe you could have some sort of easy eject, you know, where you pull a cord and the lights and the cord pulls away from the edible part.

39:35 Drew Velcro.

39:36 Adam Drew, do you put up Christmas lights at your house? You do not.

39:39 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, yes.

39:39 Drew You do it yourself?

39:40 Adam No.

39:41 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, every year I swear I won't do it. I do it. You do? Yeah.

39:45 Drew Just a thought for somebody to work on out there.

39:47 Jimmy Kimmel I am kind of awful. Really, like impaired when I try to do it.

39:51 Adam Yeah, I got a better plan. How about some sort of Christmas light goggles for the kids? So each time they look at something, it appears to be covered with Christmas lights. You never say a word about it.

40:02 Jimmy Kimmel Genius. I am buying them right now.

40:03 Adam You just take them off at the end of the season. He is standing in the bathroom looking at his penis. It is covered with Christmas lights. He opens the fridge. It is nothing but Christmas lights in there. Alex? Yeah? Drew, you have triplets. You should experiment on one of them.

40:20 Jimmy Kimmel I am up for it.

40:21 Drew In a lot of ways.

40:22 Adam Yeah, you got two.

40:23 Caller You have two left.

40:24 Drew They raise them in a bizarre fashion.

40:26 Jimmy Kimmel I understand.

40:28 Adam You are a man of medicine, aren't you?

40:29 Jimmy Kimmel Nice thought.

40:30 Adam You can't donate one of your kids to the cause? Alex?

40:34 Jimmy Kimmel Quit egging him on.

40:36 Drew Sorry.

40:36 Jimmy Kimmel You were supposed to take him on with me today.

40:38 Drew Listen, if he starts hitting on you, I am there for you. That is all.

40:41 Adam Alex, you are 16.

40:42 Yeah, I had a question for Jimmy.

40:44 Adam Yeah.

40:45 Caller I know you are a football genius and I don't want to...

40:47 Drew Thank you.

40:48 Your prediction for the Super Bowl.

40:51 Caller Do teams do anything?

40:52 Jimmy Kimmel Already?

40:52 Adam He told me this already. He said it was going to be 24-17.

40:56 Caller That's right.

40:58 Adam No, he didn't say that. He knew the score. He said, good. He doesn't care about the teams.

41:01 Drew Well, I think the Vikings, I think, probably... Maybe the Vikings and the Dolphins, I have to say right now. But believe me, that will change in two weeks.

41:10 Adam I'm with the Vikings, but I think the Dolphins are going to come loose eventually.

41:14 Drew They scored 33 points today.

41:16 Adam They are good and they have been doing good, but they have had a lot of years where they have done well.

41:19 Drew I don't totally buy into the Dolphins either.

41:21 Adam Falling apart at a certain point.

41:24 Caller Do you think the Rams are going to beat the Vikings next week?

41:26 Drew What's that?

41:27 Do you think the Rams are going to beat the Vikings next week?

41:29 Drew No, I don't.

41:30 Adam Whatever.

41:30 Jimmy Kimmel The Rams have been sort of sucking.

41:32 Adam Thanks, Alex. Yeah. The Rams have been sucking big time. The Vikings have been playing great, although Rams are due.

41:39 Caller I'm really hoping they win.

41:40 Jimmy Kimmel He was a good today.

41:42 Adam Yeah. Who did they beat? The Raiders? Yeah.

41:44 Drew That was my upset.

41:45 Jimmy Kimmel Did you see that guy spit in the guy's face?

41:47 Caller Yeah. Oh, yeah.

41:47 Jimmy Kimmel What was that all about? I don't know.

41:48 Drew I'm going to talk about that, I think.

41:49 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah. Why was the guy suspended? I mean, the whole world knows the guy didn't.

41:52 Drew Because the referee didn't see it.

41:54 Jimmy Kimmel He was standing right there. They had a picture of his face watching this.

41:57 Drew Yeah. But spit isn't visible. And you're going to kick, you're just spitting in the face. Kick or spit in the punter's face. What happened?

42:03 Adam Crazy guy just spit in.

42:05 Drew He just spit in his face.

42:06 Jimmy Kimmel Big time.

42:07 Adam I mean, who spit in the punter's face?

42:09 Drew I don't remember who it was. I was listening to the radio, so they didn't go into it.

42:12 Adam Let me tell you something about the punter. He is the best guy to spit on because he has almost no face mask. Yeah.

42:17 Drew And who's he going to beat up?

42:19 Adam Right. What's he going to do? Go back to Checklist Avakia and get one of his older brothers to come over here and shoot you? All right. Let's hop back on the phone. Shannon? Hi. You're 25. What's up?

42:30 Caller Well, I was listening on my way back home to Lisa calling and talking about her situation where she was, I guess, with a guy and all of a sudden she was having sex with him. And I don't know if Lisa and I are having sex with the same guy, but this is a situation that happened to me a few years ago. And I'm a little bit concerned that maybe that's sort of an MO of some guys.

42:56 Adam Yeah. About 80 million.

42:59 Jimmy Kimmel About 80% of all guys.

43:01 Caller Had it not happened to me...

43:03 Jimmy Kimmel Well, I understand why this is a surprising behavior.

43:08 Caller Well, because it's not consensual.

43:11 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, no. But seriously, I...

43:12 Caller Because you do one thing and then something else totally happens. It's sort of... It's not a separate act.

43:18 Adam Yeah, but do you really... It's as if... Listen. It's like I saying... It's like me saying, I got my car stereo ripped off. Oh, you got yours ripped off too? Could be the same way. You were living in Montana at the time? Doesn't matter. The guy moves around. Guy's got range.

43:33 Jimmy Kimmel I'm just...

43:33 Caller I obviously don't think it's the same guy. But I'm just concerned that, you know, guys might think that that's an appropriate thing to do.

43:40 Jimmy Kimmel Wait, wait, Shannon, you need to understand... I think it's important that women understand how guys work. So they understand sort of what's on guy's mind as they're moving forward. Would you guys agree with this? I mean... Here's the song.

43:52 Drew Put it in. Put it in. Put it in.

43:53 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, that's it.

43:54 Caller Put it in. Put it in.

43:54 Drew Put it in.

43:55 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

43:55 Caller It's like a locomotive.

43:57 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, they're not...

43:58 Caller It's a little more disturbing, though, you know, when the guy isn't wearing a condom and there's potential health risk.

44:04 Jimmy Kimmel Absolutely.

44:05 Caller My concern is, you know, if he would have asked me, you know, do you want to have sex or, you know, went to go put a condom on, it wouldn't have, I don't think, been so objectionable because then I would have, A, known that he was going to do it, and B, I would have been protected.

44:20 Adam But C, you would have never let him do it. That's why he doesn't ask.

44:23 Caller Not necessarily. I mean, things are hot and heavy, and it was just a...

44:27 Jimmy Kimmel I think the message is maybe have these discussions. This is what people get very confused about is that, you know, that's that one thing led to another piece. The one thing led to another when you went into the bedroom with him. That's when the choo-choo train left the track.

44:42 Drew Right. Well, she never... And the other girl, I don't know what happened to this one, the other one never... She never stopped kissing.

44:48 Jimmy Kimmel But you should be really clear with guys up front.

44:50 Drew There's no room for subtlety.

44:52 Jimmy Kimmel No, there isn't. They don't get it. They don't...

44:54 Drew Don't hint.

44:55 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

44:55 Drew If you don't want to have sex, be very clear about it.

44:58 Jimmy Kimmel Way up front. And guys, I think would stop. Most guys of any... Yeah, sure. If they're clear and understand clearly what's going on.

45:04 Drew Right.

45:04 Adam But...

45:05 Caller But if you're a woman and you don't understand clearly what's going on, you can't tell them to stop.

45:11 Drew Well, then what are you going to do?

45:13 Caller That's what I'm sort of trying to say.

45:15 Jimmy Kimmel How do we make that clear to women that they should be prepared like that? They should be thinking that that's where a guy's headed.

45:23 Caller You know, I really don't know. It's just a...

45:27 Jimmy Kimmel Why don't you think women are more prepared about that?

45:30 Caller I don't know because I think that when they go into a bedroom with a guy, they kind of maybe expected that might be happening.

45:35 Jimmy Kimmel But so why aren't they more prepared?

45:38 Caller You know, I really don't know. I really don't know.

45:40 Jimmy Kimmel Is it denial that you're not really admitting to yourself that you're going down that path?

45:45 Caller I don't know. I guess for me, you know, just because I go into the bedroom with a guy doesn't mean that I'm going to be having sex with him. You know, maybe we will be doing something that is sexual but not necessarily having sex.

45:57 Adam I think I got an invention.

45:59 Jimmy Kimmel But you better be clear about that up front.

46:00 Adam I call these rape panties. These are panties with the word rape written on the inside and outside several hundred times. So if a woman ever forgets, gets drunk, and it's also written in glow-in-the-dark.

46:11 Jimmy Kimmel And they need to be electrified.

46:13 Drew How many languages?

46:14 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

46:15 Drew Well, if you can read these, you are raping me. That's right.

46:19 Adam That's right. That's right.

46:20 Jimmy Kimmel Then she's going to say, can you read those?

46:22 Drew Well, that's the crazy thing is like, you know, I didn't say it was OK for him and this, and I didn't say, there's never an announcement made. Like now, we're going.

46:31 Jimmy Kimmel Well, there's an announcement. Sometimes it's clearly no, but when it's not clearly no, then it gets very, very cloudy.

46:36 Drew Right. Yeah. There's always, I mean, there may be a no, but there's never a yes. You know, you never get OK, let's you just you go about it. And most guys probably don't know. It's like, oh, she's let me do that. Oh, she did. All right. She moved her hand over here, but she's still kissing me. Not a hands over here, but she's still, you know, she's rubbing my back.

46:53 Adam And, you know, it's no different than you going in to buy a car and the salesman saying, let me flick the lights on and off. Give you a few minutes to stand outside of the showroom and discuss it with your wife. Once you drive around the block and think about it and then come back. When you know he's going to keep rolling and he's going to keep going to before, you know, there's a contract in front of you and he's having you sign. Somebody's going to keep going once to close the deal. You have to interrupt the process. He will not interrupt that process. Men are essentially scrotum salesmen. That's the way I look at it. Door-to-door scrotum salesmen. And that's what they're doing. They're selling their genitalia to the lowest bidder. That's the scary part. You don't need money. You just got to hold still. It's sale. All right. We will take ourselves a little fire sale on a semen. We're overloaded. We got to move it. We have to move. I know we're running late, but I swear I was passing a dealership and I saw a big sign. We have too much inventory and I think, boy, these guys do it to themselves every time. They order way too many cars and now they got a deal. When will they learn?

48:02 Caller When will they figure that out?

48:03 Adam The lot's only so big, can only hold so many Nissan's. But nope, they got too much and now it's dealing days, everybody. We'll be back.

48:15 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready. Right now you're enjoying Loveline on 94.7 at RK. The direct alternative.

48:24 Adam Well, hell yeah.

48:26 Okay, terrific.

48:43 Adam All right, let's talk to Stephanie of 16s. Stephanie?

48:46 Caller Yes?

48:47 Adam What's up?

48:49 Caller Okay, I went and got tested for chlamydia and stuff last week, and my doctor called and told me I had it, and right after he told me, my body started totally changing, and I started having the typical signs.

49:03 Jimmy Kimmel Which is what?

49:04 Caller Like, unusual discharge, and like.

49:07 Jimmy Kimmel Why did you get tested if you weren't having the symptoms already?

49:10 Caller Well, it was just my yearly exam.

49:14 Jimmy Kimmel Really?

49:14 Caller And he's like, I'm just gonna do a culture for chlamydia, and so I was like, okay.

49:17 Jimmy Kimmel Interesting.

49:17 Caller Not a big deal.

49:18 Adam Do they usually do that?

49:20 Jimmy Kimmel Huh? They often do, yeah.

49:22 Drew I got tested for chlamyda once, when I came out quite clean.

49:27 Caller But anyways, so the doctor said, you need to call the guys you've been with and let them know. Sure. And so I was like.

49:34 Drew Really?

49:35 Caller Huh?

49:35 Drew Really? Did you do it?

49:37 Caller Yeah.

49:37 Drew Oh, please. I would never do that.

49:39 Adam No, I wouldn't either.

49:40 Drew How good is it going to do them?

49:41 Jimmy Kimmel They need to get treated.

49:42 Adam Oh.

49:43 Caller Exactly.

49:43 Drew But if you don't know, how bad could it be?

49:46 Jimmy Kimmel You can infect many other people.

49:48 Adam Yeah.

49:48 Drew But if this is the kind of thing that just nobody ever even realizes it, I mean, how bad is it? What happens with this chlamyda?

49:55 Jimmy Kimmel You become infertile. Uh-huh. It's the leading cause of infertility in this country.

49:58 Drew Well, we should have more of it then.

50:00 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, that's a good point.

50:01 Drew Listen, everybody's worried about all this. You just put something in the water, you wouldn't need the condoms or anything.

50:06 Jimmy Kimmel And oftentimes, women do not know they have this, and it's the years of smoldering infection that causes the infertility. That's why they screen for it regularly.

50:14 Adam Stephanie?

50:14 Caller Yeah?

50:15 Adam So have you called everybody?

50:19 Caller Two of them.

50:20 Drew How many more are there?

50:21 Caller Two.

50:21 Drew Do you have their phone numbers?

50:23 Caller Yeah.

50:23 Drew Oh, it would be great if we could call them, wouldn't it?

50:26 Adam Yeah.

50:26 Caller That wouldn't be good.

50:28 Drew You sure?

50:29 Caller I'm positive.

50:30 Drew I think it would make it easier for you and Humorous and they'd get probably a charge out of it.

50:34 Adam Yeah. And who better to find out from than Dr. Drew?

50:38 Drew Yeah. The man is a doctor, right?

50:41 Adam Come on.

50:42 Caller No, I'm sorry.

50:43 Adam All right. All right. So what's your question?

50:46 Caller I read up that you can get PID, pelvic implantor disease.

50:51 Jimmy Kimmel Right, right.

50:52 Caller And I'm wondering what are the odds of me getting that?

50:55 Jimmy Kimmel Well, you were treated.

50:56 Caller Not yet. I haven't gotten my pills yet.

50:58 Jimmy Kimmel Why don't you go get treated? Because the longer it stays in you, the higher the probability that it's going to get into the tubes and cause PID, OK? Yeah.

51:07 Adam But she'll be all right. She hasn't had it for long. I mean, some people have it for years.

51:11 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

51:12 Drew You going to tell the other two guys?

51:14 Caller Not yet. I was going to call them tomorrow.

51:15 Drew You know, tomorrow?

51:16 Jimmy Kimmel That's very brave.

51:16 Drew What did the other two say?

51:18 Caller The other two, one of them just totally flipped out, started yelling and screaming at me. Really?

51:22 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

51:22 Drew You see, here's what you need to do. A QE call and scream at them. You gave me chlamydia. My doctor tracked it to win it. Yeah, exactly. That's what you do.

51:31 Jimmy Kimmel By the way, how dare he yell and scream at that? That's part of the, if he wasn't wearing a condom, that's the risk he takes.

51:36 Drew Yeah, but if you think about it, I get mad when people give me a cold, even though it's like, oh yeah, great, I got your cold.

51:42 Adam Hey, Stephanie, you must have gotten it from somewhere.

51:46 Caller Well, I have a feeling I know who I got it from, because it says it takes like two to three weeks to show up.

51:52 Jimmy Kimmel Right.

51:53 Caller And I've only been with one guy since then.

51:56 Adam Did you call him yet?

51:57 Caller Well, I did, and he wouldn't talk to me. And he doesn't know that. I said, Mom, like, well, can I give him a message? I was like, yeah, tell him he gave me Chlamydia.

52:06 Drew Oh, that's nice.

52:07 Adam Nice.

52:07 Drew That's just short of a singing telegram at work.

52:10 Adam Yeah.

52:10 Jimmy Kimmel You told his mom?

52:11 Caller I was very proud of myself, yes.

52:13 Jimmy Kimmel No, that's not so great. Absolutely. I'm proud of you for stepping up and telling the partners and being responsible, but telling them, oh, I was a little aggressive. Not only that.

52:21 Adam Well, he hung up. Maybe he didn't want to talk.

52:24 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, he wouldn't talk to him?

52:25 Caller He wouldn't. He refused to talk to me.

52:26 Adam Oh, well.

52:27 Drew Maybe he's mad at you for giving him chlamydia.

52:31 Caller Like he'd even...

52:32 Adam Yeah, he gave her chlamydia. And by the way, I would have called him first and said, listen, here's some numbers of some guys you've got to call because you got the whole thing started.

52:40 Jimmy Kimmel By the way, you're 16. How many guys you've been with?

52:42 Adam My vagina was merely a middle man.

52:44 Jimmy Kimmel Why so many guys in such a short period of time?

52:47 Caller It's been like two years.

52:49 Jimmy Kimmel All right.

52:49 Adam That's not bad.

52:50 Caller Four guys.

52:51 Adam That's pretty good.

52:52 Caller Not even close to my friends. So, I'd rather please at that number.

52:56 Jimmy Kimmel Okay. All right. Hang in there. Be careful.

52:59 Caller Yeah.

52:59 Jimmy Kimmel Condoms, condoms, condoms, all right?

53:00 Drew Yeah. Where on your head even? Couldn't hurt.

53:03 Adam All right, Stephanie.

53:04 Jimmy Kimmel This is a reminder, right?

53:05 Adam Good luck. Oh, that must have been great with mom on the other line.

53:08 Drew See, those are the calls you should record because when you're 60, you're gonna want those, right?

53:12 Jimmy Kimmel Some day. We're gonna get those calls?

53:15 Drew Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. We aren't, Drew. Of course we aren't. These people are savages if this goes on.

53:23 Adam Drew, this is where my Sinai tablet comes in handy.

53:27 Jimmy Kimmel I want you to have this. It's a gift from us.

53:30 Adam Well, we had a guy call in last week. He was like 16. He pulled an all-nighter. He met some guy at a gay club. He brought him home and his mom walked in, you know, opened the door to his bedroom at like eight in the morning on a Sunday morning. The kid was performing fellatio on himself while the guy he picked up was basically masturbating on the bed. Next to him and I said to Drew that you should as a parent keep the cyanide pill, keep it in your cheek all the time. Way back. But when you knock on the kid's door, this is after puberty, you slide it in between your two back just as you walk through each time. And if you ever see him performing fellatio on himself and a guy in a leather vest jacking off, you just chomp down on it. No questions asked. You only have time to process it. It's like a Nazi war criminal living in Argentina, you know?

54:22 Jimmy Kimmel This is our gift to you, Jimmy. It sounds like a nice thing, doesn't it?

54:25 Adam You see the Jewish underground coming up the driveway? You just bite down on that thing. Yeah. You know it's going to be just years of torture and torment. You probably get hung at the end of it. You just keep that. I mean, you guys don't need it yet. I'm saying in a few years. Well, you know what would be a better idea? You guys should just move out when your kids hit puberty. You guys do okay. Get them some kind of tree house to live in.

54:51 Drew Take a long nap.

54:52 Jimmy Kimmel And guards, prison guards.

54:53 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Brandon.

54:56 Yeah.

54:56 Adam You're 20. What's up?

54:59 Caller I need to know when the most fertile time for a female is.

55:05 Jimmy Kimmel Well, you can't predict that. It's about 8, 15 days.

55:09 Adam For me, judging from experience, it's from age usually 11 to 14. That's when they're at their peak.

55:16 Drew What do you want to know? Are you trying to have a kid?

55:18 No.

55:19 Caller Me and my fiance had sex the other night and the condom broke.

55:24 Jimmy Kimmel Why didn't you immediately go out and get the morning after pill?

55:27 Caller I asked her about it and she said that she wasn't comfortable with something like that.

55:32 Jimmy Kimmel Why?

55:33 Adam Because she wants to have kids.

55:35 Caller Well, she already has one.

55:37 Jimmy Kimmel That's what that means. I mean, why would she not take advantage of something that will prevent the pregnancy?

55:41 Caller I don't know. I heard you stress that to a number of callers.

55:46 Jimmy Kimmel What is there to be comfortable about?

55:48 Drew Because some people still think it's abortion probably.

55:51 Jimmy Kimmel It's not an abortion pill, Brandon. It just prevents her egg from ever being released.

55:55 Caller Okay.

55:56 Jimmy Kimmel That's it. That's how it works.

55:57 Adam Brandon?

55:57 Caller Yeah.

55:58 Adam How old is your fiance?

55:59 Caller She's 19.

56:01 Drew Can't you just put this in her food or something? I mean, seriously, this series is serious. Sprinkle it over her beef.

56:08 Jimmy Kimmel Beef model.

56:09 Adam Hey, Brandon, how old is her kid?

56:11 Caller Two.

56:12 Adam Oh, boy.

56:14 Jimmy Kimmel He's pregnant at 15.

56:15 Adam You want to get married, huh?

56:16 Caller Well, yeah.

56:17 Caller We've been best friends for nine years.

56:20 Adam I see.

56:21 Jimmy Kimmel You've been caring for her for nine years.

56:23 Drew You sure you're not gay?

56:25 Caller I'm positive.

56:26 Jimmy Kimmel Why do you say that?

56:26 Drew We were best friends. I don't like when guys use that term with their girlfriend and their wife.

56:30 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, that means best friends.

56:31 Adam They were best friends, but now you hate each other that you're together, right?

56:36 Caller No, we're completely in love.

56:37 Jimmy Kimmel We still may be gay. This is him taking care of an abused kid, probably, helping protect her.

56:43 Drew He's 20.

56:45 Jimmy Kimmel Then finally she caved in. A few years of him hovering around.

56:48 Caller She's 19.

56:50 Adam Hey, Brandon.

56:51 Jimmy Kimmel Am I right on this one, Adam?

56:52 Adam It does kind of. Does she come from a little chaos?

56:55 Caller A little bit, yeah.

56:56 Drew Who's better looking, you or her on, you know?

57:00 Caller Her.

57:01 Drew Yeah. She's a lot better than you could normally get, you figure?

57:04 No.

57:05 Adam But you've been hovering around for quite some time, right?

57:09 Caller Actually, not really. We have a spell that we didn't talk for like two years.

57:13 Adam Yeah.

57:13 Jimmy Kimmel Otherwise, it's been nine years of hovering.

57:16 Adam You've liked her for a long time?

57:19 Caller On a friendship level.

57:20 Jimmy Kimmel No, Brandon.

57:20 Adam No, you've been into her.

57:21 Jimmy Kimmel Come on.

57:23 Caller I mean, we dated before then.

57:25 Adam Yeah.

57:26 Jimmy Kimmel Because you were not into her?

57:27 Adam What?

57:28 Jimmy Kimmel Because you were not into her? Is that why you dated her?

57:30 Caller No, I was into her.

57:30 Jimmy Kimmel That's the point. That's what we were making.

57:32 Adam When she broke it off, right?

57:34 Caller No, I broke it off of her.

57:35 Adam Why did you do that?

57:37 Caller I couldn't honestly tell you anymore. I don't remember.

57:40 Adam How old were you?

57:42 Caller I was 15.

57:43 Jimmy Kimmel That's when she got pregnant.

57:44 Adam No, she got pregnant the next week.

57:46 Caller No, she got pregnant with the guy after me.

57:48 Drew All right.

57:48 Adam So anyway, Brandon, when was her period?

57:52 Caller It ended a week ago.

57:53 Adam All right.

57:54 Drew Well, listen, not great timing. Everyone loves mashed potatoes, right? Does she like mashed potatoes? Get one. You'll hold one in the morning after pills. Just put it in there.

58:03 Jimmy Kimmel Get it. Call the doctor. 1-800-888-Not Too Late.

58:07 Caller Let me grab a pen real quick.

58:09 Jimmy Kimmel All right.

58:10 Adam Hey, Brandon, you say this is how many days ago?

58:13 Caller This was about three days ago.

58:15 Adam Well, forget it. Get it for the next time.

58:18 Drew Call 1-800-Too Late.

58:21 Jimmy Kimmel 1-888-Not Too Late.

58:23 Caller 888-Not Too Late.

58:24 Jimmy Kimmel Not Number 2 Late. Not Too Late.

58:26 Caller Too Late. Okay.

58:28 Caller Great.

58:28 Jimmy Kimmel All right, Brandon. Take care.

58:29 Adam All right.

58:30 Drew So, Drew, then you're with me on the sprinkling in our food?

58:34 Jimmy Kimmel You didn't hear me say no.

58:36 Adam It's not a bad point.

58:37 Jimmy Kimmel But I did notice that you talk about the best friends thing. Jimmy and Gina seem to be just best friends.

58:42 Drew Oh, yes.

58:42 Adam We are.

58:42 Drew We're best friends.

58:43 Jimmy Kimmel I noticed that.

58:44 Adam They're soul, I mean, cell mates. Yeah, they're soul mates.

58:48 Jimmy Kimmel I think he got up and announced something by the effect of, Gina, a lot of people don't like you.

58:55 Drew I got to keep her, you know.

58:56 Adam At the party?

58:56 Drew Yeah, at the party here.

58:57 Adam Oh, really? Were you drunk?

58:59 Drew I wasn't drunk, no.

59:00 Adam Did she make you pay?

59:01 Drew She was drunk. You have to keep her, you know how it is. You have to keep her in check. When she's drunk, she starts telling embarrassing stories.

59:06 Adam She was great.

59:07 Jimmy Kimmel She was awesome.

59:08 Adam I love hearing the story about when Jimmy cried when his dog, Fluffy, died.

59:13 Drew Yeah, she thinks that's funny.

59:14 Caller I know.

59:17 Adam Drew, your wife does the same thing. There's something about women, they have a few high balls, and they love to just embarrass the hell out of a guy.

59:25 Jimmy Kimmel Yes.

59:26 Adam What is that? What are they paying you back for?

59:28 Drew It's them taking back a little power.

59:30 Adam Yeah.

59:30 Drew Because you're the man, and you get to be in charge all the time.

59:32 Adam Haven't you done enough? Do you know what I mean? What is that? That's scary.

59:37 Drew Just general abuse.

59:39 Adam But no, what I mean is, is you get drunk, you don't have any other feelings other than sexual, let's say, but you don't have its payback time.

59:49 Drew Right.

59:49 Adam You know what I'm saying? It's a little disconcerting to be with someone who gets drunk and thinks it's payback time.

59:55 Jimmy Kimmel I don't get payback. But what I get is sort of more stories that seem funny when you've been drinking and are just plain old embarrassing.

1:00:04 Adam But Susan does, she will humiliate the hell out of you with a few poses in it.

1:00:07 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, but not intentionally. Well, I don't think it's payback.

1:00:10 Drew Well, everything is intentional, I believe. Just somewhere in the middle. There are no accidents.

1:00:14 Adam There are no accidents. No. Darren?

1:00:17 Hey, what's up?

1:00:18 Adam You're 22. What's up?

1:00:20 Caller Um, now I'm going to just call in to ask for your guys' advice on a situation. This happened to me about 10 years ago. I was on a Boy Scout. It's called the Klondike, where you make a snow cave and you sleep out in the snow. And my scout leader kind of had this theory that if we, instead of sleeping in individual sleeping bags, it'd be better if we unzipped them and kind of made one big one. And just just all sleep together and sleep as close as we could. And for some reason, he said the less closed the better.

1:00:59 Drew And yeah, well, that is that is how they do it in the scouts. It's in the handbook, right? The less closed out in the snow, the better.

1:01:07 Jimmy Kimmel But there is there is that theory about body heat with there is. Yeah, this is a quadruple Indian. Right.

1:01:14 Caller Right.

1:01:14 Drew Siegfried and Roy theorem.

1:01:16 Adam Right.

1:01:18 Jimmy Kimmel But nobody did anything weird to each other.

1:01:20 Caller That's the thing. There wasn't anything really weird going on, but it seems kind of kind of different.

1:01:28 Jimmy Kimmel It probably wasn't great judgment on his part. But then again, to throw a couple of adults in the mix these days is makes it even worse.

1:01:37 Adam Yeah. And so well, he wasn't in the sleeping bag with everyone, was he?

1:01:42 Caller Oh, yeah, he was.

1:01:43 Adam It was. Well, everyone was naked.

1:01:45 Caller We weren't naked. We were down to our underwear.

1:01:47 Drew And what was he wearing?

1:01:49 Caller His underwear, also.

1:01:51 Drew What color were they?

1:01:52 Caller What's that?

1:01:53 Drew What color were they?

1:01:54 Caller I have no idea.

1:01:55 Jimmy Kimmel I got to tell you a personal experience. I slept on a desert once camping and I was in a down sleeping bag and I thought it's freezing. I'm going to put a bunch of clothes on and I did that. And I almost froze to death. And finally, somebody about five hours into it said, hey, take all that off, which I did. It was perfect.

1:02:09 Drew And they give you a hand job.

1:02:12 Adam Here's some peyote.

1:02:14 Jimmy Kimmel I want you to sign this release.

1:02:18 Adam Listen, all I know is I almost froze in the mountains myself. And I did try to get in a sleeping bag with some guys who wouldn't let me, unfortunately. It would pay off to have gay friends on rare occasions. That would have been one of them. I had Carl in the wheeze up there telling me to blow myself. And I was telling him I was dying. They're like, hey, no, that's fine. Go ahead and die.

1:02:41 Drew Just die quietly.

1:02:42 Adam Yeah. And drag your carcass out of way. So, you know, we don't want any scavengers tearing at your muscles while you decay here.

1:02:51 Drew All right, Darren, just think of it as it's a fun anecdote for parties.

1:02:55 Adam Yeah. And, you know, you know, all those like all those tips, those survival tips, think about how useless those really are in real survival type conditions. Like a, you know, you take a cactus and you know, there's ones like, okay, here's one's like, well, like if you're out in the desert and you can't find water, you just get hold of one of the desert creatures, like one of these little monkeys or something, and you feed it salt. And then when it gets to salt, then you follow it because it knows where the drinking hole is going to be.

1:03:26 Drew That's not one I've ever heard.

1:03:26 Adam That's going to work.

1:03:27 Drew How about the simple one is like when your car's out of careening, out of control, don't slam on the brakes. Of course, you're going to slam on the brakes.

1:03:35 Adam Don't touch the brakes.

1:03:36 Drew That's what you do.

1:03:37 Adam I did this thing where I remember some sort of tip of you take the rocks that are hot from around the campfire and you make a bed, you dig out a little hole with a shovel, and then you fill the bed with these hot rocks that have been absorbing the heat from the fire all night. And then you put a bed of leaves over that. And then you lie on it. It's like having an electric blanket. No way. I burnt my hand on every rock. I ended up just throwing myself into the fire. I didn't have a sleeping bag. That was the problem. It's one of the reasons I'm gonna sue my parents. I used to go camping with a blanket and a pillow.

1:04:15 Drew That's the definition if you're a bad parent. If your kid does not have a sleeping bag, you're a bad parent.

1:04:20 Jimmy Kimmel Does he regale you with stories about his mom and dad?

1:04:22 Drew Oh, I get angry, actually.

1:04:24 Adam He knows all of them.

1:04:25 Jimmy Kimmel All of them? You must have listened to our couple of hours a day.

1:04:29 Drew I know every one of them.

1:04:30 Adam Then I used the same blanket, by the way. It was the blanket off of my bed. It was not even an extra blanket. It smelled like a sausage link for the next eight years because I'd smoked it in the fire and it actually was burnt from the fire.

1:04:43 Drew What I tell you last night, Drew, we're at this birthday party and they had the lyrics to the guy who was having the birthday party's favorite song, and it was Welcome to Poo Corner, which apparently is a Kenny Loggins song.

1:04:54 Jimmy Kimmel A Winnie the Pooh story.

1:04:55 Drew And the thing I said to Drew, I said if Adam saw this, he would think it was the corner where he had to crap in the coffee can in the garage because there's no plumbing in the hovel that he lived in.

1:05:04 Adam How dare you? I cramped in a decorative popcorn can. That's totally different.

1:05:09 Drew Until it was full.

1:05:12 Adam No, it was not, it was not heaping.

1:05:14 Jimmy Kimmel No!

1:05:15 Drew Could you get the lid on?

1:05:16 Adam I leveled it with a yardstick and then I snapped the lid. Oh my God. This is when I was exiled out to the garage to live for a couple of years before I ended up moving out of the house and I didn't have access to the bathroom at night, but I did get a decorative popcorn can from Uncle Vince Christmas or so earlier and I kept the can.

1:05:37 Jimmy Kimmel What did your parents think you were doing out there when it came time to poo?

1:05:41 Adam Well actually, my buddy Ray did take a crap on my doorstep as a reminder, my dad almost stepped in it when he opened the door one day, so I think he assumed that that may have been mine. I have no idea, but I cramped in this.

1:05:55 Drew They didn't seem worried about it though.

1:05:57 Adam It wasn't every night, it was like an emergency. This garage I lived in, it was like you driving cross country or something. You didn't take a leak out in the middle of the desert if you didn't have to, but if you're between filling stations, what do you do?

1:06:14 Jimmy Kimmel I'm not talking about your behavior, I'm talking about theirs. What did they think?

1:06:17 Drew They turned you into an animal. You might as well have been raised by, literally at least part time by wolves, because you really, I mean, one day I'm out in the backyard and Adam's whipping out his penis in my backyard and he's about to pee in my kid's sandbox. I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?

1:06:36 Jimmy Kimmel In the sandbox, you're like, you didn't squat down in sandbox.

1:06:39 Drew And he's like, I said, that's the children's sandbox. They play in there.

1:06:44 Jimmy Kimmel It's a cat box, isn't it?

1:06:46 Adam Yeah, I am. I'm like a cat.

1:06:48 Drew It was my house.

1:06:49 Jimmy Kimmel I understand, but he sees a box of sand. He starts digging a little bit.

1:06:52 Drew I know, exactly, exactly.

1:06:54 Jimmy Kimmel Sniff it around, digging.

1:06:55 Drew Like a boomer or something.

1:06:57 Adam I wanted to claim my territory. Those kids have had control, all kinds of things.

1:07:04 Drew It's just now he stopped parking on my lawn.

1:07:07 Adam I can't get to Jimmy's lawn as easily as I used to. I used to park on his lawn. He really... I was amused by how...

1:07:13 Drew Because every Saturday, I'd be replacing all the sprinkler heads. He just parks on the lawn. Ridiculous.

1:07:20 Adam I got a little white trash in me. So, Kim?

1:07:23 Drew Hello?

1:07:24 Adam You're 17?

1:07:26 Caller Uh-huh. Yeah. I have a question.

1:07:28 Adam Yeah.

1:07:29 Caller Well, first of all, Adam, I just want to say that you're really, really smart. And I don't see why people make funny because I think you're just like the cleverest person ever.

1:07:35 Adam Thank you.

1:07:36 Caller You're welcome.

1:07:37 Drew Do you crap in a popcorn tin?

1:07:39 Jimmy Kimmel That was clever.

1:07:41 Caller Occasionally.

1:07:42 Adam Yeah.

1:07:42 Jimmy Kimmel Resourceful. Jimmy, please. Kim, what's going on? What's your question?

1:07:47 Caller All right. I was wondering, like, what are the risks involved with liposuction?

1:07:53 Jimmy Kimmel Well, these days, if it's in the hands of someone who's done a lot of these procedures, it's really very safe. There's certainly risk of infection. Early on in the days of liposuction, I had a woman that got fat emboli syndrome from it. And it actually went, and usually that will go to the lungs and cause sort of shortness of breath and lung problems. This actually, because she had a little opening in her heart that wasn't normal, it went to her brain. And she had all kinds of interesting problems. I've not seen that or heard of that even since.

1:08:21 Adam Hey, Kim, you're 17.

1:08:23 Jimmy Kimmel But this is the big issue. You're 17.

1:08:25 Adam Well, let me ask you about this liposuction. Is there pockets in the human body that dieting will not affect? For instance, for Jimmy, I'd say it's his torso.

1:08:36 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, yeah. It's more that you're moving it around. Because you'll still deposit fat again somewhere else.

1:08:43 Adam But isn't the theory behind liposuction that no matter how much you diet, no matter how much you exercise, you still have this love handle. So you still have this area that doesn't seem to be affected by the exercise and the diet.

1:08:54 Jimmy Kimmel That's correct.

1:08:55 Drew But I bet most of those people really aren't doing that, no matter how much you exercise and diet thing.

1:09:00 Caller Well, that's kind of how I am.

1:09:02 Drew How often do you exercise?

1:09:03 Jimmy Kimmel No, there's areas.

1:09:05 Caller I exercise, I kind of gave up on it, but there's a time when I used to run every day after school, like three miles. Oh, Kim.

1:09:14 Caller I used to diet a lot and stuff like that.

1:09:16 Jimmy Kimmel I think you're a little too into this stuff, Kim.

1:09:18 Adam You gave up on it, you're 17.

1:09:21 Caller Yeah.

1:09:21 Adam You're just slowing down.

1:09:22 Drew Sometimes people are stupid, too. I went out to lunch with this stupid guy the other day, and he's watching his weight, he's going to be an extra on Dawson's Creek or something, so he wants to lose weight. It's like he's going to be on Wednesday, he's going to be on. So he orders the chicken salad, and it comes, and I said, you're going to eat fried chicken? It's fried. It's like chicken strips, chicken strip salad. He's like, yeah, chicken. This guy's in his 20s.

1:09:51 Adam Yeah, it's chicken.

1:09:52 Drew It's good. It's okay.

1:09:53 Adam Well, it had the word salad in it.

1:09:55 Drew And chicken in it. Yeah. Right. Well, he thinks this is a light meal. So sometimes I think people are just stupid. Yeah.

1:10:01 Adam Here's the problem with salad. It's always fattening unless it has the word salad in front of salad. If it says salad, salad, you're fine. But if the chicken salad or tuna salad, cover with ranch dressing, or whatever, sefiesta salad, especially when you start picking those party times, you know, that means there's trouble. Tropical salad, you know, anything in front of salad means fattening.

1:10:22 Drew But she's she let me just never get liposuction, though, right? You're trying to cheat like the laws of nature when you do something like that.

1:10:29 Adam Well, especially it always comes back around at 17.

1:10:32 Jimmy Kimmel Not a teenager.

1:10:33 Adam Kim, yeah, do you a little obsessive about your weight?

1:10:38 Caller I guess you could say that.

1:10:40 Adam Are you overweight?

1:10:42 Caller Um, I know how you do like that weight math. You know, like if I tell you how much I weigh, you're going to add like five pounds on it.

1:10:48 Adam I won't do it. I won't do it to you.

1:10:50 Caller Okay. So I weigh like 150 and I'm like 5'9.

1:10:54 Jimmy Kimmel You're overweight.

1:10:55 Adam Drew, please.

1:10:57 Jimmy Kimmel You're you're you're a vomit or you laxative anything like that?

1:11:00 Caller Um, yeah. All right.

1:11:02 Caller It's not. Well, I don't know, like a little bit.

1:11:04 Adam All right. Slow down there, Kim.

1:11:06 Jimmy Kimmel There's not a little bit, Kim, with this kind of thing. This is something that is progressive and it's serious.

1:11:11 Adam And you know what?

1:11:12 Drew And you're not overweight either.

1:11:14 Adam Guys aren't as into this as everyone would like to think they are. I know it sounds like a horrible sentence. But what I mean is, is women perpetrate this on on women. Yeah. Guys like some curves, especially black guys. I mean, you heard this call earlier in the night. This chick was 220 and got raped. No problem.

1:11:35 Caller No problem.

1:11:36 But I'm not black.

1:11:38 Adam No, no, I know. But you're not. But the boy boy, the boy friends will be.

1:11:42 Jimmy Kimmel No, Kim, relax. Just fine. Just relax. You need to see somebody. But you have an eating disorder and you really do need to see someone about it. It's important.

1:11:51 Adam All right. Yeah.

1:11:51 Drew Don't under 50 pounds. It wants liposuction.

1:11:54 Jimmy Kimmel Don't and he's like there's a little bit.

1:11:56 Drew Yeah, that's crazy.

1:11:57 Jimmy Kimmel Runs three miles a day. And you know, that's all. That's all bulimia. Kim, it's bulimia. Please. It is.

1:12:03 Adam All right.

1:12:04 Jimmy Kimmel All right.

1:12:04 Drew Believe me, it's bulimia.

1:12:07 Adam Yeah, I'm guessing her parents had her in dance class and blah, blah, blah.

1:12:11 Drew Is that what does it, the dance class?

1:12:12 Adam That nice skating.

1:12:13 Jimmy Kimmel Ask her.

1:12:14 Adam Yeah.

1:12:15 Jimmy Kimmel Very funny.

1:12:17 Adam Drew's daughter's currently on tour.

1:12:20 Kim?

1:12:21 Adam Did your parents get you in the dance class early?

1:12:25 Caller No, they didn't, but they're really like pushing me in like sports and school and stuff.

1:12:31 Adam Right.

1:12:32 Caller Yeah.

1:12:32 Adam Right.

1:12:32 Drew Well, nothing wrong with that.

1:12:33 Adam My parents were very pushy too. Go to the garage. Go crap in that can, would you? A lot of pressure.

1:12:40 Drew Don't come back to the can's fault.

1:12:42 Caller That's right.

1:12:45 Adam And none of those air pockets like last time. This time we're weighing it. False bottom, my ass. We'll be back.

1:13:08 Okay, terrific. Welcome back.

1:13:12 Adam I'm glad you're here.

1:13:16 Caller 947 NRK.

1:13:25 Adam It is Love Line. I'm Adam Carolla. This is Dr. Drew over there. Jimmy Kimmel is here tonight. Representing the Man Show, 10 o'clock, Comedy Central, Sunday night, all new episodes. So do not miss that Sunday night, 10 o'clock. All right, you guys ready to get back to the phones? This is Natalie Ritano later on this week. Primus, Juggie Vanessa from the Man Show. It's really a who's who. All right, you ready to go? No. Henry.

1:13:54 Caller Yeah.

1:13:55 Adam You're 18.

1:13:56 Caller Yeah.

1:13:56 Adam What's up?

1:13:58 Caller I went to the Man Show one night. Whoa.

1:14:02 Adam What? Are you calling from a car phone?

1:14:05 Caller The X-rays were great, actually.

1:14:07 Adam Oh, yeah, so on the Man Show tonight. Yeah.

1:14:09 Drew Yeah, we got to see everyone and the whole audience was naked.

1:14:14 Caller Also, I wanted to say it like I parked somewhere on a street where we've seen you before and I got left with my car. I just want to apologize.

1:14:26 Adam Are you calling? Are you calling from a car phone now? Yeah. All right.

1:14:30 Drew Yeah, you're cutting it out. So what you Adam you're talking to?

1:14:34 Adam Yeah.

1:14:34 Drew Uh-huh.

1:14:35 Caller I'm actually speaking to Adam.

1:14:36 Drew Yeah.

1:14:37 Caller It's I leave burnout marks on his gravel in front of this house.

1:14:42 Adam No, you don't. What kind of car do you drive?

1:14:45 Caller A black BMW.

1:14:46 Adam That is you. Son of a bitch.

1:14:48 Drew How else would he know about this otherwise?

1:14:50 Adam I don't know.

1:14:51 Drew He's apologizing. You call him a son of a bitch. He's so what happened to you? He what happened?

1:14:57 Caller How do you know about the I got I have a note left on my car from Adam. I think it's not signed.

1:15:05 Drew Is everything misspelled?

1:15:08 Caller No, but it's written in very big, bold.

1:15:10 Jimmy Kimmel Oh, yeah, that's it.

1:15:11 Adam That's me.

1:15:11 Drew Is it crazy looking writing like a crayon?

1:15:14 Caller Yeah, it is.

1:15:15 Adam What's what's the note say? Do you have it?

1:15:17 Caller It says here's the deal. If I see trash or burnout marks on the gravel, you're going to have to find another parking place.

1:15:23 Jimmy Kimmel Is that what you were saying?

1:15:24 Drew That's quite a threat. Yeah, you're going to have to find another parking place. Here's the deal, buddy. Well, if I see trash, I'm going to cry.

1:15:36 Adam Yeah, that's me. But see, I left it. I put a good twist on the end of the note, which is I've said it's up to you. It means there's a chance for redemption.

1:15:46 Drew Yeah, it's good to write that in your own handwriting, too, in case you have to actually take matters into your hands.

1:15:53 Adam All right, Henry, you're calling to apologize for burning out on my gravel and leaving trash.

1:15:58 Caller As a matter of fact, the burning out on your gravel is a complete accident.

1:16:01 Adam I know. I know. You're drunk. It's hard not to.

1:16:05 Drew How tall are you, Henry?

1:16:06 Caller How tall?

1:16:07 Caller Yeah.

1:16:08 Caller Six two.

1:16:08 Caller All right.

1:16:09 Drew We recruit them for basketball in the backyard.

1:16:11 Adam Right? Yeah.

1:16:13 Drew All right. In the neighborhood. Believe me, we'll be desperate for a sixth man at some point. We know to go after Henry.

1:16:20 Adam All is forgiven, Henry.

1:16:21 Caller Also, I want to say you have a very nice car. I love your car.

1:16:25 Adam Well, thank you.

1:16:26 Jimmy Kimmel Henry, listen, Adam is the world's crappiest neighbor.

1:16:30 Adam I am not. I'm very fair.

1:16:31 Jimmy Kimmel Prepare yourself. Prepare the neighborhood, in fact.

1:16:34 Adam Yeah. Sound the alarm.

1:16:36 Drew He's 18. He's got a black BMW.

1:16:38 Adam Yeah. I don't know how he swings it.

1:16:39 Caller Where is your drug dealer? What?

1:16:41 Adam What do you do? You sell stereo equipment or something?

1:16:44 Drew Beepers. What do you do? How did you get a BMW at 18?

1:16:48 Caller I'm I'm a loan agent.

1:16:50 Adam Wow.

1:16:51 Drew You're an 18 year old loan agent?

1:16:53 Adam Yeah.

1:16:53 Drew Loan shark.

1:16:55 Adam Yeah. He's he's he doesn't look 18. I think I've seen him for it. Lacey looks at least.

1:17:00 Caller I see you all the time. I'm in that place every day.

1:17:02 Adam Yeah, I know. I follow the trail of trash. All right, Henry. Thank you. All is forgiven. Just keep you pick up your trash.

1:17:11 Caller All right. Thank you.

1:17:13 Caller All right.

1:17:13 Adam That's all right.

1:17:15 Drew Still that note on eBay.

1:17:16 Adam Well, I mean, there was trash and he was peeling out.

1:17:20 Caller Yeah.

1:17:20 Adam No crazy kids hot dog in it in the neighborhood.

1:17:24 Caller Yeah.

1:17:27 Adam You know, you're getting old when you're leaving notes, by the way.

1:17:30 Drew I know that's an old thing. I never even would think to do that. I would just find some creative way to punish them without ever confronting.

1:17:36 Jimmy Kimmel Nor would I ever have the nuts to start out my note with. Here's the deal.

1:17:39 Adam Here's the deal. Well, I put this trash on his car. So that's nice. That was a little bit of a payback. But I know my feeling is, is I want to get along with people. They just got to hold up their end of the bargain, which is I'm king. That's my blog.

1:17:56 Jimmy Kimmel Jimmy was telling me how your relationship with him works. In fact, where he does all the work.

1:18:00 Adam Yeah.

1:18:00 Jimmy Kimmel You work on your house.

1:18:02 Drew Right.

1:18:02 Jimmy Kimmel You're making the house for all of us.

1:18:03 Adam I'm explaining the-

1:18:04 Jimmy Kimmel It's a party house for all of us.

1:18:05 Adam That's not work.

1:18:06 Drew I'm explaining to Drew how Adam and I'll speak to the listeners now because Adam's going to say how dare you. But Adam has been remodeling this party house for all of us to have parties in under the, you know, under the, somebody he's doing it like for some group, you know, for all of us. For all of us to enjoy. Eventually, his labors will be fruitful for all of us.

1:18:26 Jimmy Kimmel Adam's never given a party ever.

1:18:28 Drew Here's the thing. Adam will give three parties in the next 10 years.

1:18:32 Adam That's right.

1:18:33 Drew And I keep hearing about we're going to watch football, play basketball over there. And yet, coincidentally, he's got $75,000 worth of stereo equipment and no chairs.

1:18:41 Adam I'm working on it. How dare you? How dare you, sirs? How dare the two of yous? But Drew, to be fair to me, I have never spun it any other way than Jimmy does all the work, right?

1:18:55 Drew No, that is true.

1:18:57 Jimmy Kimmel No, you spin it. Jimmy likes to do all the work.

1:19:01 Drew There is a certain amount of truth to that.

1:19:03 Jimmy Kimmel And that you prefer not to do the work.

1:19:05 Adam Right.

1:19:05 Jimmy Kimmel Okay.

1:19:06 Adam Well, I've said many a time, I've hitched my wagon to Jimmy's team and he used to drag me through showbiz.

1:19:17 Drew Jimmy is a bit of a control freak, so Jimmy will gladly exchange all the work for final say on things.

1:19:23 Adam Yeah. No, our relationship...

1:19:25 Drew But you're not fooling anybody with the house thing.

1:19:28 Adam Oh, yes, I am. Millions of listeners. Doug?

1:19:32 Yes, sir?

1:19:33 Adam I can't believe the guy in the car left a note on a night call that time.

1:19:36 Caller That is something.

1:19:37 Hello?

1:19:37 Adam Doug, you're 28. What's up?

1:19:41 Caller I have a problem with bestiality.

1:19:44 Adam I see.

1:19:45 Drew Sounds like you have no problem with bestiality.

1:19:48 Caller Well, I kind of do. For several years, I've been trying to go out with women and it never took.

1:19:56 Drew It never took.

1:19:57 Caller It never took. Right. And I was, and a couple of buddies of mine.

1:20:03 Jimmy Kimmel What do you mean it never took?

1:20:05 Caller Well, it's like they never liked me. I mean, I'm not the best looking guy in the world.

1:20:10 Drew And I disagree.

1:20:12 Adam No, no, no. You don't have to be the best looking guy in the world. If you're in the top five, let's say, even nationally, not even the world, you'll get laid.

1:20:21 Caller My teeth are rotting out and everything. My teeth are rotting out and my insurance won't pay for them.

1:20:27 Drew Well, if you chew on the milk bones, it keeps them clean and healthy.

1:20:30 Caller I didn't call for y'all to make fun of me. Oh, sorry.

1:20:33 Adam Well, you had to expect a little of it.

1:20:34 Caller I know. I know how you are, Adam.

1:20:37 Adam Well, it's part of my job. You know, when I'm not writing notes, I'm making fun of people.

1:20:41 Caller I know that guy who picks them football picks. He's good. He picked one today.

1:20:45 Caller Yeah.

1:20:46 Drew But you realize it almost sounds like you're doing a character. And if I had to do the guy who has sex with animals' voice, I'd do it like this, too. What state do you live in?

1:20:58 Caller I live in Texas. But seriously, I've been trying to go out with women all my life. And it never took. Me and about two buddies of mine were getting drunk. And I know, but we got pretty drunk. And one guy made that he tried it with a chicken or something. And so I had this goat. And it's real friendly. It's not timid. It ain't mean or nothing. So I thought I might try it. Well, that did take. And I've been doing it for about not very long, about two or three weeks. But I feel so guilty afterwards.

1:21:38 Drew How's the goat feel about the whole thing?

1:21:40 Caller Hell, I don't know.

1:21:41 Adam He's so busy bragging to his friends.

1:21:44 Drew Does the goat get upset? And it seems like you're hurting the goat?

1:21:48 Caller No, no. I don't know. We just, he sounds pretty much the same.

1:21:51 Drew He? It's a he?

1:21:52 Caller Yeah. Well, no. Yeah, I guess it's a he.

1:21:56 Drew Well, then you're gay.

1:21:57 Jimmy Kimmel Do you use a condom when you do this?

1:21:59 Caller No. That's why I need to talk to Dr. Drew.

1:22:01 Jimmy Kimmel Why don't you do that? Why don't you wear a condom?

1:22:04 Adam Isn't that too much forethought? Do you know what I mean? Aren't you really admitting something when you're getting a condom?

1:22:09 Caller HIV for no damn goat, I hope not.

1:22:11 Jimmy Kimmel No, you're not getting HIV, but you could get Brucella and all kinds of lovely stuff like that.

1:22:15 Caller I don't know what that is.

1:22:16 Adam Brucella is the Jewish youngest daughter. Haven't you ever heard of mad goat disease?

1:22:21 Caller No, I haven't.

1:22:23 Drew Oh, are you really?

1:22:24 Caller I heard of mad cow disease.

1:22:25 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, yeah.

1:22:25 Drew So you're, wait a minute. No, I'm not mad.

1:22:28 Jimmy Kimmel Hey, I believe Doug.

1:22:29 Adam Really? I do too. I really do too.

1:22:30 Drew With a male goat?

1:22:32 Adam Hold on now. Can I say something?

1:22:33 Caller Yes.

1:22:35 Caller Doug, what do you look like?

1:22:37 Drew This may be Ann's husband.

1:22:38 Caller I'm about six foot two. I weigh about 275 and I wear glasses.

1:22:47 Caller Are you ugly?

1:22:48 Caller Yes, I'm very ugly. Yeah, it sounds like that. Well, no, I don't. God dang, I hate just, I don't like putting myself down. No, no, we'll leave that to us. But what I'm saying is, girls just don't like me. Don't say, doesn't say. I'm a gentleman. Why? Why? Why what?

1:23:07 Jimmy Kimmel Have you tried, have you tried?

1:23:08 Caller I need sex, ma'am.

1:23:09 Jimmy Kimmel Have you tried to?

1:23:10 Caller Have you tried masturbating?

1:23:11 Caller Yes, I do.

1:23:12 Jimmy Kimmel Have you tried?

1:23:13 Caller I've tried masturbating, but it's not like I'm thinking of the goat.

1:23:16 Adam But the hoof chafed him.

1:23:18 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, yeah, I know.

1:23:18 Caller It's not like I'm thinking of the goat.

1:23:20 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, we got you.

1:23:20 Adam No, no, I understand.

1:23:21 Caller Don't you feel like a loser having sex with a goat?

1:23:24 Adam All right, and please, let's not cast judgment.

1:23:27 Drew Yeah, well, he, oh, come on, don't get crazy, Adam.

1:23:30 Jimmy Kimmel Wait, wait, wait. Ooh, good comeback, by the way. Hold on a sec. Hold on. Hold on.

1:23:34 Adam Let me just stop it. And do not, pardon the pun, get his goat. I'm trying to talk to him.

1:23:40 Caller I know, but you're gonna condone it.

1:23:42 Adam No, no, no.

1:23:43 Caller Oh, Drew, why don't you wear a condom with a goat?

1:23:46 Jimmy Kimmel Well, I'm, I'm, I'm.

1:23:47 Drew Well, if he's doing it anyway.

1:23:49 Jimmy Kimmel I'm just trying to focus on his health.

1:23:51 Adam You know what, it's crazy about chicks.

1:23:52 Caller I hope he gets something.

1:23:53 Adam Everything is, everything is their kids. I don't care if it's a roach or a goat, it's their kids, you know?

1:23:58 Caller You're right, Jimmy.

1:23:59 Drew What if the goat gets pregnant with a dog baby?

1:24:03 Jimmy Kimmel I want to talk to Doug some more.

1:24:04 Adam I do too. Don't, don't rile him.

1:24:06 Jimmy Kimmel Take a break.

1:24:07 Adam Hold on a second.

1:24:08 Jimmy Kimmel I want to hold Doug's segment.

1:24:09 Drew Something to be said. No, you know.

1:24:11 Adam Doug, let me ask you a few questions.

1:24:13 Caller Okay.

1:24:14 Caller I didn't mean to get rude with the ma'am.

1:24:16 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, it's all right.

1:24:17 Adam No, no, that's all right. I want to ask a couple of important questions. What's a goat's sign?

1:24:23 Jimmy Kimmel No, come on.

1:24:24 Adam No, it's important in any relationship. I don't care who you're having.

1:24:28 Jimmy Kimmel Hey, hey, hey, ask.

1:24:30 Adam If that goat's a Sagittarius and he's a Gemini, this is not going to work.

1:24:34 Caller I know there's something got to be.

1:24:36 Adam No, I know there's something up here. Now, are you a farmer?

1:24:39 Caller No, I ain't no farmer.

1:24:40 Adam Stockbroker?

1:24:41 Caller I mean, we have, we used to, my father did before we passed away.

1:24:44 Adam I see. Well, why do you have a goat? You keep the goat in your apartment?

1:24:48 Caller No, a goat was given to my baby brother for my kids, I don't know, his 15th birthday.

1:24:54 Adam Seems so innocent at the time.

1:24:57 Drew You know what you're doing with this goat?

1:24:58 Caller Hell no, my mom is in the next room, that's why I keep my horse down.

1:25:02 Adam I see. But you don't live on a farm?

1:25:06 Caller No, I live out in the country in the trailer, but I don't live on a damn farm.

1:25:09 Adam You live in an area where you have other animals?

1:25:12 Caller Well, we have cats and dogs, stuff like that. The only kind of livestock we have is that damn goat.

1:25:18 Adam I see.

1:25:18 Caller I used to be a racquet.

1:25:19 Adam I see.

1:25:19 Caller Now, male. Oh, excuse my language. I'm over raping.

1:25:23 Adam Yes. Yes, you are. Male goats. That's the second thing you didn't learn in finishing school. A, no raping animals. B, no swearing on the radio. Not necessarily in that order, by the way.

1:25:34 Drew Goats eat like tin cans and stuff, right?

1:25:37 Adam They eat sofas and everything.

1:25:38 Drew He's going to run into something nasty in that rectum.

1:25:40 Adam Yeah. You're going to cut yourself on something in there.

1:25:43 Where's Dr. Drew?

1:25:45 Jimmy Kimmel I'm trying to help.

1:25:46 Drew He's unconscious.

1:25:48 Adam All right, hold on.

1:25:49 Caller Dr. Drew, now I need to talk to him.

1:25:50 Adam I agree with you. You're going to talk to him.

1:25:52 Caller I think this right here is sick. I think I got a problem, and y'all guys are making fun of me.

1:25:56 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, no, no, no, no, Doug, I want to talk to you. I definitely want to talk to you. If these guys will let me, I'll be happy to.

1:26:01 Adam We don't want to rush to judgment, so just hold on a second.

1:26:04 Caller I want you to help, I just don't know where to go, because this is embarrassing.

1:26:07 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:26:08 Caller I didn't tell y'all my real name, hell.

1:26:10 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, go ahead.

1:26:11 Caller My real name, everybody at my damn job would be, hey boy, heard you about to go.

1:26:15 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:26:17 Adam Where do you work, by the way?

1:26:18 Jimmy Kimmel No, no, no, don't make him say that.

1:26:19 Adam You work with kids?

1:26:21 Caller No I don't work with no parents.

1:26:22 Adam Just playing, playing a hunch. Hold on a second there, Doug.

1:26:25 Jimmy Kimmel They'll finally let me talk to you in a minute.

1:26:27 Adam Yeah.

1:26:27 Drew This is the best call ever.

1:26:29 Adam It really is. We'll be back with Doug, the Goat Love and He'll Billy after this.

1:26:41 Caller No need to be upset. Loveline will be right back on 9 to 4 7 NRK, the New Rock Alternative.

1:26:53 Caller What makes them tick?

1:27:07 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Jimmy Kimmel from The Man Show and the Fox Pre-Game Show. 10 o'clock is when you can find The Man Show on Sunday nights. And about 9.15 in the morning on Fox is when you can find him on the Pre-Game Show. Twice on one day. All right, when we left over, speaking of Doug, Doug is 28. Doug's a big boy. He's 6'2, about 275, living with mom. Hasn't, not exactly Lorenzo Lamas when it comes to the ladies, has not had a lot of dates, has given up on women because they haven't taken. He hasn't taken to them or they haven't taken to him. But he has found someone special who he has taken to. And that's a little girl named Gruff.

1:27:52 Drew That's a boy, actually.

1:27:53 Adam A little boy named Gruff.

1:27:54 Jimmy Kimmel Doug?

1:27:55 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:27:56 Jimmy Kimmel Okay.

1:27:56 Drew It's a goat.

1:27:57 Jimmy Kimmel So you want to stop this behavior. You know it's not a good thing.

1:28:00 Caller Yeah. I know it's not.

1:28:01 Jimmy Kimmel Can you stop? Can you just put it down, not do it?

1:28:05 Caller I can kill a goat. Or get rid of him.

1:28:08 Jimmy Kimmel No, I'm not sure.

1:28:09 Caller But you know, I can't, I can't, I can't. You can just go take him off or kill him or something. My brother will be asking about him.

1:28:14 Jimmy Kimmel Do you have access to any kind of mental health services?

1:28:18 Caller What do you mean, crazy house?

1:28:20 Jimmy Kimmel No, not crazy house.

1:28:22 Adam You killed-

1:28:23 Caller But you have to understand, I was brought up differently than most folks were.

1:28:27 Adam I'm flabbergasted.

1:28:29 Jimmy Kimmel How were you brought up?

1:28:30 Caller Well, I was brought up that a man ain't supposed to tell about his weaknesses and stuff like that.

1:28:35 Jimmy Kimmel Well, I think it would be smart just to go talk to someone.

1:28:38 Drew Yeah, it's no different than calling this show.

1:28:40 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, you want to talk to someone about giving you support or getting help.

1:28:44 Caller But dealing with y'all guys is a lot different. Y'all never meet you, I never see you, I'm not face to face with you.

1:28:48 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, but professionals don't tell anybody. They keep us all...

1:28:53 Caller Oh, hell.

1:28:55 Caller Now, is that true, Dr. Drew? They don't tell nobody?

1:28:58 Jimmy Kimmel It's against the law.

1:28:59 Caller Well, it may be against the law, but you won't go home and tell your wife, hey, I'm in a guy with a goat.

1:29:03 Jimmy Kimmel No, no.

1:29:03 Adam They try not to talk.

1:29:04 Jimmy Kimmel No way.

1:29:05 Adam Plus, if he did, she'd get drunk and blab it in the next cocktail party.

1:29:08 Caller Yeah.

1:29:08 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

1:29:09 Caller Doug? Yes, sir.

1:29:10 Adam Here's an important question. When you're having sex with this goat, it is really difficult to corral a goat. How is it that you get the goat? Do you know what I mean?

1:29:21 Caller How do I get it?

1:29:21 Adam I've handled some goats and he has a tendency...

1:29:24 Caller Like I said, it's very timid.

1:29:26 Caller You can...

1:29:27 Caller Now, that's why I think the damn thing likes it.

1:29:31 Adam Yeah.

1:29:31 Caller Now, I'm not very big, I figure. I guess that's what it is. It's not where... It's real tight still. But the thing is, he doesn't kick me twice. But when I hit him on... Do I have to talk about this?

1:29:44 Adam No, no. Yes, it's important that you do.

1:29:49 Caller Doug?

1:29:51 Caller I made y'all show.

1:29:52 Adam Doug, he's gotta be full of crap.

1:29:55 Caller No, no, no, no, uh-uh.

1:29:56 Adam So Doug, you get... It's a male goat.

1:29:59 Caller It's a male goat.

1:30:00 Adam I see, so you get him in the...

1:30:01 Drew What's his name?

1:30:03 Caller Well, his name's Billy.

1:30:05 Caller Oh.

1:30:06 Caller That's the truth.

1:30:07 Adam Yeah.

1:30:07 Caller That's why my brother named him. That's what the guy said his name was when he brought him to us.

1:30:11 Adam Now, what are you supposed to do with a male goat besides rape? I mean, is there other things in the... You eat him.

1:30:17 Caller No, he just... I don't know. He just kept it. He's had it for like maybe, I don't know, for two or three years.

1:30:23 Drew It's not going to hurt to get rid of the goat, is it?

1:30:26 Jimmy Kimmel It might hurt the little brother.

1:30:26 Caller What am I supposed to do to go up to my brother, hey, can I get rid of this goat because I'm raping the hell out of it every night?

1:30:31 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, no. You need a little help, Doug. I mean, it just shows your need for... frankly, your need for a shield.

1:30:37 Caller Well, see, I don't go out and kill people. I don't think about raping women or nothing like that.

1:30:40 Jimmy Kimmel Listen, Doug, you're not hurting anybody. You may be hurting an animal, but most importantly, it shows your desperation for connection with people. And I think sitting down and talking to someone...

1:30:50 Caller I've got some childhood friends, and that's all pretty much I hang around with.

1:30:54 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, I think it would do you a lot of good to be able to talk to someone and work some of this stuff out. This is like any other sexual compulsion, and they're hard to control.

1:31:04 Drew Well, maybe not like, yeah, I mean, like, this is not necessarily like, like, say, a foot fetish.

1:31:08 Caller Then why is it...

1:31:09 Jimmy Kimmel It's like impulsive masturbation.

1:31:11 Caller I have a friend who's a normal guy.

1:31:12 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

1:31:13 Caller Matter of fact, he's an attorney. And we were the ones drinking that night, and he told me he had tried it before.

1:31:20 Drew Well, all attorneys hump goats.

1:31:21 Caller But no, no, it wasn't a goat. I don't know what the hell it was.

1:31:25 Adam Well, they usually just rape their clients, but maybe that's for the one. He could have been talking about sodomizing one of his clients. That does happen, at least figuratively. But hey, Doug, you're going to have to get yourself a little help. You've made the first step, right?

1:31:42 Caller Yes, sir.

1:31:43 Jimmy Kimmel By talking about it.

1:31:46 Caller If I go to, what kind of doctor would I say anyway?

1:31:50 Jimmy Kimmel Psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist.

1:31:52 Drew A goat-humpy-ologist, I think you wanted to do.

1:31:55 Adam Psychologist, a psychologist.

1:31:56 Jimmy Kimmel Psychologist. You know, MS, LCSW or FTC.

1:31:59 Caller Hey, that football guy, picking guy, what's your name?

1:32:02 Drew Jimmy.

1:32:03 Caller Jimmy, Jimmy, that's right. If you don't leave me alone, I'm going to tell Chris on you.

1:32:07 Caller Yeah, right.

1:32:08 Drew I'm sure you got the hotline, Chris.

1:32:10 Caller Do y'all guys, do y'all really not like each other?

1:32:13 Drew Listen, you hump goats, I don't want to talk about my relationship with Chris Collinsworth.

1:32:18 Caller No, seriously, do you not like him?

1:32:20 Drew They're fine, I don't even know those guys.

1:32:23 Adam He doesn't see that.

1:32:24 Drew That's not the issue here.

1:32:25 Adam How dare you?

1:32:26 Jimmy Kimmel But I, like, Doug, just, I mean, looking to get a little help, that's all. Really, it's important.

1:32:33 Adam And listen, a goat cramps every 30 seconds. Yeah. I mean, you try to pull a goat from one spot of the barn to another spot of the barn, it leaves a trail of duke, you know, a foot high.

1:32:46 Drew Sprays a shotgun of pellets.

1:32:47 Adam So I don't know how it is that you'd, hold on, I just, I can't help it, he's like a tooth that I have to keep playing with.

1:32:54 Drew Can we fly him out here? Cause I'd love to come back.

1:32:58 Adam Doug, doesn't the goat defecate when you attempt to sodomize it?

1:33:02 Caller What's that mean?

1:33:04 Adam Number two, poopy?

1:33:05 Caller Yes, sometimes.

1:33:06 Adam I see.

1:33:07 Caller He's done it twice.

1:33:08 Adam Twice.

1:33:09 Drew Very rude.

1:33:09 Jimmy Kimmel Wear a condom, please.

1:33:10 Adam Where's his etiquette? Yeah, wear a condom, please. All right.

1:33:14 Drew But stop having sex with a goat.

1:33:16 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah, stop having sex with a goat.

1:33:17 Adam And don't wear one of those sheepskin condoms, it's too ironic.

1:33:21 Drew It's like incest.

1:33:22 Adam Yeah. All right, we'll be back.

1:33:32 Caller Presenting Loveline this evening, it's Car Toy.

1:33:35 Caller And Windbreakers.

1:33:37 Caller Right here on 947NRK.

1:33:40 Caller The New Rock alternative.

1:33:42 Caller Hi, this is Brendan from Weedism News and Loveline on 947NRK.

1:33:48 Adam Well, there you have it. Always good to end with a goat rape story.

1:33:52 Caller Yeah.

1:33:54 Adam That's what I tell anyone who's doing any kind of public speaking. You know, lay the information out, but always finish with a good goat raping story. Leave, you know, leave a smile on people's face for the buffet.

1:34:07 Drew Positive message. Buffet.

1:34:10 Adam That's right. That's right.

1:34:11 Drew I think that's Yogi Berra's thing. That's what he does. Don't you guys have a few anecdotes?

1:34:15 Jimmy Kimmel Am I the only one that just feels sorry for guys like that? I feel the pain, that that lonely... Oh, yeah.

1:34:20 Drew Oh, yeah. But I feel more, my sorrow is overcome by my urge to mock.

1:34:26 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

1:34:27 Adam Yeah. It's hard not to mock.

1:34:28 Jimmy Kimmel And then I feel sorry for humanity in general.

1:34:30 Drew But for the goat, the goat's not, I mean...

1:34:33 Adam I don't, I never have too tough a time with the animal because I think once you, you know, consume animals... Yeah.

1:34:39 Drew But if you're like Pierce Brosnan's goat, okay, no problem. Right.

1:34:43 Jimmy Kimmel Yeah.

1:34:44 Drew But if you're a 275 pound thug from Texas' goat and he's...

1:34:48 Adam That's right...

1:34:49 Drew .giving you a... Yeah.

1:34:50 Adam But let me tell you something about Pierce Brosnan's goat. He's going to get tired of humping that goat and go for a trophy goat in just a couple of years. Right. You know what I mean?

1:34:58 Drew Right.

1:34:58 Adam Some hot goat he meets on the set of some James Bond movie. The man starts bringing the goat to the trailer, banging the goat in the trailer. Next thing you know, his goat is maybe not looking as good as it looked when it was fresh off the barn. Yeah. Maybe put on a couple of pounds.

1:35:12 Drew I was just thinking, I just got a lung in the hoof.

1:35:15 Jimmy Kimmel Women don't do this stuff.

1:35:17 Adam No, they don't. They just get outraged by it.

1:35:19 Drew They don't have a penis. It's a very dangerous, dangerous thing.

1:35:22 Adam It makes you do horrible things like hump goats. All right, Jimmy Kimmel, everyone. Sunday Night, The Man Show, 10 o'clock, Primus. Tomorrow night, thanks, Jimmy.

1:35:31 Drew Thank you, Adam. Thanks, Drew.

1:35:33 Adam And until next time, this is Adam Crowe for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:36 Caller I didn't mean to get rude with the man.

1:35:39 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, December 3, 2000