Episode 1000754887085

10:22 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

10:28 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

10:33 Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That's my partner.

10:37 I'm a buddy, my pal, my bro.

10:41 Drew Oh no, the whole show is Ace Carolla.

10:42 Big Dr. Drew, everybody.

10:44 What are you, Steve?

10:45 Voiceover Big Dr. Drew Ski over there. Phone number for the Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

10:53 Drew I'm too excited because I brought you cranberry sauce.

10:56 Adam You didn't bring me cranberry sauce.

10:58 Drew I meant to bring it.

10:59 Adam Drew, don't even talk about it until it's here.

11:01 Drew Oh, you prick.

11:03 All righty.

11:04 Adam What's going on over there, Drew?

11:06 Drew Somebody sent us some popcorn. Sarah Roberts and John White. My Washington's nice. And a can for you to crap on. Once we're done with the popcorn.

11:15 Adam Well, done with the popcorn.

11:16 Drew I know.

11:17 Adam I make my own popcorn balls. It's got that nice lid that snaps on. Oh, and it's it's convex. I got a little extra Duke room in there.

11:27 Drew Yeah.

11:28 Adam Yeah. Looks like looks like one of those kettles you keep milking.

11:31 Drew Right.

11:33 Adam What do they call that?

11:34 Drew Milk, milk carton, milk can't.

11:37 Adam That's it. All right. Are you ready to have a fantastic show?

11:41 Drew Yeah, I'm so mad I forgot that.

11:43 Adam Well, you bring it in tomorrow when it's extra stale. Uh, do you get any presents in the mail today? I got another beers of the world thing.

11:51 Drew Another beers of the world? Wow.

11:54 Adam Yeah. That's it for me. I got enough booze, enough dried goods, enough cheese and salami to last me well through the New Year.

12:01 Drew Oh, I thought you finished the salami last night.

12:03 Adam No, I just got into it. You know, the thing about salami, little salami goes a long way, especially, that's a little peppery, that's a lot of every fatty and the density of like, uh, yeah, you know, yeah. Now with black hole, now with six cows, it's actually stuffed six whole cows and it's foot long salami. Me and Drew got it and it seemed kind of raw too. I, did you notice that?

12:27 Drew I haven't eaten any of that.

12:27 Adam Oh, yeah.

12:28 Drew Maybe it is to be cooked.

12:30 Adam I sure as hell hope not, cause I ate half that goddamn thing yesterday.

12:34 Drew Let me get trichinosis willow.

12:36 Adam There's no salami you need to cook, is there?

12:39 Drew Well, sausages you need to cook.

12:40 Adam Yeah, well that's sausage, there ain't no salami. Tony?

12:43 Yeah?

12:44 Adam You're 15. What's up?

12:46 Caller Well, I walked home, I walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend the other day and I haven't been able to consult my brother about it.

12:54 Drew How old is your brother?

12:55 Caller My brother is 17.

12:56 Caller How old is your girlfriend?

12:57 Caller My girlfriend is 15.

12:58 Drew What happened?

12:59 Caller Well, I came home from a friend's house and walked in and I just saw my brother having sex with my girlfriend.

13:05 Drew You walked in the front door?

13:07 Caller I walked in the front door and then I came in and my brother's door was open.

13:12 Drew His bedroom?

13:12 Caller Yeah.

13:13 Drew What time of day was this?

13:14 This was Saturday.

13:16 Drew What time of day?

13:17 Caller What?

13:17 Drew What time of day?

13:18 Caller Probably like 6 o'clock.

13:20 Adam That's a damn lie and you know it. Hold on. Who's banging? In what universe are you banging your brother's boyfriend, brother's girlfriend who lives in the same house with you, that is your brother, with the door open?

13:35 Drew It's six on a Saturday. Prime, like getting ready to go out of time.

13:40 Adam It's not the time so much as you shut the door.

13:43 Drew Yeah.

13:45 Adam You're having sex with your brother's girlfriend, and you don't shut the door to your room? Get a little deeper. What line was he on? Three. Tony?

13:55 Caller Yeah?

13:56 Adam Yeah. Door open, huh?

13:57 Yeah.

14:00 Adam What were you wearing?

14:01 Caller What was I wearing? Yeah. Shorts and a T-shirt.

14:05 Drew I see.

14:06 Adam I see.

14:07 Drew Shorts and a T-shirt in the middle of December?

14:09 Adam And, all right.

14:10 Drew You just walked home in a shorts and a T-shirt in the middle of December?

14:12 Adam Where are you calling from?

14:13 Caller Calling from Portland, Oregon.

14:16 Adam Too cold.

14:17 Caller What?

14:17 Adam Too cold out there.

14:19 Caller I was walking home from a friend's house.

14:20 Caller I was living across the street.

14:21 Drew Who is your friend?

14:22 Caller My friend is Jeremy.

14:24 Adam Uh-huh. And, what's your girlfriend's name?

14:28 Beth.

14:28 Adam What's your brother's name?

14:30 Tim.

14:31 Adam What?

14:32 Caller Tim.

14:32 Adam All right. And did they see you?

14:34 Caller Yeah, they did.

14:36 Adam And what did they do?

14:37 Caller They were just kind of in shock.

14:39 Drew What did they do? Oh, please. Come on.

14:43 Caller What?

14:43 Drew What did they do?

14:44 Adam I believe him. What did they do?

14:46 Caller They just got up and my girlfriend put her clothes on and left. And then my brother started yelling at me.

14:51 Drew What did he yell?

14:52 Caller What?

14:53 Adam What did he yell at you?

14:55 Caller He was like, why did you come home so early? And we just got into this argument.

15:00 Adam Why did you come home so early from your friend's house across the street?

15:04 Caller Yeah.

15:05 Adam So did he know you were at your friend's house?

15:07 Caller Yeah, he thought I was coming home later on.

15:09 Adam I see. So he figured he'd have sex with the door open?

15:12 Caller Yeah.

15:13 Drew With you across the street?

15:14 Caller Yeah. Negative.

15:15 Adam Yeah, I don't believe that. Or maybe he's got a tumor or something. He could be insane. All right. Well, anyway, you break up with your girlfriend, right?

15:23 Caller Yeah. But I want to know how I should like confirm with my brother about it again.

15:27 Drew What do you mean, confront your brother? You just had a big fight with him.

15:29 Adam Yeah, I know.

15:29 Caller But I haven't talked to him since.

15:31 Adam Yeah. I don't know if you're going to get a whole lot of satisfaction out of this one and your brother. He should know that he owes you.

15:41 Drew I can't muster an answer from a situation I know is totally.

15:44 Adam I don't know. I sort of half believe it.

15:46 Drew So just give an answer.

15:48 Adam How high do you have to be to have your brother across the street, hanging out at somebody's house, right?

15:57 Drew That's the point.

15:58 Adam On a Saturday and you're going to bang his girlfriend with the door open.

16:02 Drew Because we would be talking about something far more serious, like my brother's a serial murderer and listen to what else he did. You know what I mean? It just doesn't happen out of context like this.

16:13 Adam I don't know what you mean, but... Okay, here's my...

16:15 Drew The brother would have all sorts of out of control behaviors Let's say it's true.

16:20 Adam His girlfriend's out, fine. Brother, I don't know. There's not that much you can do. I mean, he knows he done wrong. He's an A-hole. You get a crack at one of his girlfriends one day.

16:33 Drew That's about it.

16:34 Adam Okay. And that two-year difference, he could probably kick his ass.

16:37 Drew Yeah, but this is like sociopathy. A guy that can do that to his brother.

16:41 Adam Hey, Tony. Could your boyfriend, could your brother beat you up?

16:45 Yeah, he's pretty big.

16:46 Adam All right, well then stay away from it.

16:47 Drew Is he into other weird stuff? Any other behaviors are out of control with him?

16:50 Caller All right, he uses drugs.

16:52 All right.

16:53 Drew What drugs?

16:53 Caller He uses weed and I think that's it. Yeah.

16:57 Drew All right, well then this may be conceivably part of addiction, but I would expect to see still much more bizarre behavior.

17:03 Adam I got a little gas going tonight. I gotta be honest.

17:07 Drew Be careful.

17:07 Adam As a doctor, I think you should know.

17:09 Caller Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

17:11 Adam Drew, you got some of that cranberry sauce working through your colon?

17:15 Drew Pollo Loco with the extra spicy.

17:17 Adam Joseph?

17:18 Yeah.

17:18 Adam You're 20?

17:19 Caller Yeah.

17:20 Adam Drew's made an erectile threat to me.

17:23 He's done it before.

17:24 Adam Erectile. Erectile threat. Watch out. He's a man of few words, but he lets his ass do his talking.

17:31 Caller Very good.

17:32 Adam All right, Joseph, let's go.

17:34 Caller Me and my girlfriend are going home. We plan to have sex for the first time next week. And it's my first time, but it's not her first time. And I'm like, tiny nervous about going with.

17:45 Adam I see. How about you get good and liquored up?

17:48 Drew You're 20.

17:51 Adam Why is it taking you so long to be intimate with a woman?

17:55 Caller I've had oral sex before, but I just never went off the way before.

18:00 Drew You've chosen not to.

18:02 Caller Yeah.

18:03 Adam Okay, so you've blown a guy before, but you've never actually had intercourse. I see.

18:07 Caller Never with a guy.

18:07 Adam All right, let's talk about that, Drew. He's had oral sex with a man, but he's never been intimate with a woman before. What do you think of that?

18:14 Caller I've never been with a guy.

18:15 Adam I see. Listen, don't keep denying it. It just digs in deeper. Was this a long-term boyfriend, or is this just a one-night thing at a bar?

18:25 Caller No, this is...

18:26 Adam Just a short-term thing. It's just a one-night thing with a guy?

18:28 Caller Whatever you want.

18:29 Adam All right, so you've had your penis in someone's mouth, right?

18:33 Caller Yeah.

18:33 Adam No, that's a head start, pardon the pun. And what are you worried about? You feel like you have pretty good control over yourself?

18:41 Caller Yeah, it's just that I've just heard like from listening to the show that this has happened before and I just don't want it to happen to me.

18:49 Drew What? What?

18:50 Adam Any premature e or failure to achieve an erection? Any number of things.

18:55 Drew Is this an important relationship to you? I mean, this is a lot at stake here?

19:00 Caller Well, I mean, it's not as much as at stake, but I plan to be with her.

19:04 Drew Does she plan to be with you?

19:06 Caller Yeah.

19:06 Adam What base have you gotten to with her? Have you screwed around with her before?

19:11 Caller Just about third base.

19:13 Drew Third base.

19:13 Adam How did the penis perform when you went to third base?

19:16 Caller It did alright.

19:17 Adam Did fine. Do you have any reason to think that your penis wouldn't perform?

19:21 Caller No. But I was just... Right.

19:23 Drew No, don't worry. Don't freak yourself out. But also realize that if she is into you, she's going to stay into you and just relax. If things don't go well this time, they'll go wrong next time around.

19:33 Adam They'll go fine. You'll be alright, Joseph. Alright, buddy. Alright. Good job. Feeling good.

19:41 Drew Go forth.

19:42 Adam Yeah.

19:42 Drew Wear a condom.

19:43 Adam Hey, Drew, did I tell you? I was thinking about it all day to day. I don't know why. Did I tell you when I drove off the tow truck a couple months back?

19:50 Drew What?

19:51 Adam Did I tell you about that?

19:52 Drew No.

19:53 Adam I didn't want to talk about it on the air because I was scared the guy was going to try to bust me or something.

19:57 Drew What?

19:58 Adam I didn't tell you that story?

19:59 Drew Oh, my God.

20:00 Adam Oh, this is a great story. I'll tell you, if you kids didn't respect me as the rebel that I claimed to be before this story, you're really going to respect me after.

20:09 Drew All right, let's hear it.

20:11 Adam You know, I have a certain amount of disdain for tow truck drivers, parking enforcement personnel and folks like that in general.

20:16 Drew Yeah, once or twice you mentioned it, yes.

20:18 Adam Yeah, we were, this is a couple months back. It's a great story. I just kind of sat on it because I was really kind of worried that the authorities would come after me. I was doing a little man show party.

20:31 Drew This was how long ago?

20:33 Adam This is about four or five months ago.

20:35 Drew Okay.

20:36 Adam A man show party in Hollywood, shooting some pool, having a good time, tilling a few beers. Yeah, a couple of beers. Not ashamed to admit I have a drink now and again, like every night, and having a good time. Now, my car was parked, all the parking was filled up at the pool hall we're hanging at. So I parked across the street at the 7-Eleven and ran across the street. Well, you know, a few hours later and a few beers later, and it's getting toward the end of the night. People are starting to wrap up. It's maybe about 1, 1.15 in the morning, getting pretty close to the last call. And an intern comes running into the pool hall and she says, Adam, your car's being towed across the street. And I go, oh, Christ. So I go running out there and there's a couple of man show folks around there, just some interns and some secretaries, just some of the lackeys. But we're one big family, you know. And they're hanging around and they're kind of pleading with the guy. No, the guy, the guy who owns the car is coming right now. Just, no, the guy's got the car, it's propped up. Now he's got one of those tow trucks. He's got the kind with the two prongs that slide under the rear wheels and just hydraulically lift the car up. And then they strap the rims to the two prongs that come out.

21:51 Drew You're just lucky it wasn't the flatbeds. The flatbeds?

21:55 Adam Yeah, I guess it was. Although I may have driven off that as well. So, so I come running out there and there's this guy of suspect nationality. You know, he's a tow truck driver in LA. Couldn't tell what he was, but it wasn't troublemaker.

22:11 Drew Johnny Quest.

22:12 Adam Yeah, Johnny Quest villain nationality. And he's towing the car. He's got the car pulled up and the car's three feet off the ground. And I come running over there and I say, what's going on? And he says, we've got to tow the car. The guy from the 7-Eleven called, said you weren't buying anything here and now we're towing the car. And I said, all right, well, what's this gonna take? I mean, what- You're greasing his palm. Let's work out a little something, something here. Because it's 1.15 in the morning, got a couple beers in me. There's no way I want to go to some impound lot in the middle of the night. I'm staying in there, he's staying in there. And he's kind of, he's listening, but he ain't really going for anything. You know, I'm saying, look, you're going to tow the car, I'm going to have to get a ride, I'm going to follow you to the impound, I'm going to follow my own car to the impound lot. Then you're going to lower the car down, then I'm going to pay a guy 90 bucks, then I'm going to get in the car and then I'm going to go home. I'm going to be miserable. We're having a party over here, we're celebrating, we're having a good time. I understand you got a job to do and you just got caught in between here and your time's worth something. Let's make it right for you. I'll move the car, we'll call the night. The guy's like, yeah, but no. Sort of yeah, but no. He's going slow, but he's not really listening to too much. I say, look, let's just go talk to the 7-Eleven guy and we'll straighten it out with him. I'll talk to him, I'll buy a case of ho-hos or a tub of slushies or something and he'll just forget about it. But this guy also suspect nationality.

23:53 Drew No, you know this one.

23:55 Adam Shocking. Yeah. Indian guy. I don't know what this guy is. No, I didn't know what 7-Eleven guy was either, but he didn't. No, no, no, no, you're towing the car, you know. And I said, listen, buddy, can you just get me some slack? Let's get rid of the tow truck and then we'll settle up. We'll figure this out. I'll give you a couple bucks. No, they're towing the car, you people, you park the car, you know. So I basically come out there and he, the guy from the 7-Eleven wants the car towed and the guy who's driving the tow truck's attitude is, is, whatever he wants. Yeah, whatever he wants. And I'm doing, and he's kind of, I get the feeling if I would have pulled out 200 bucks, he would have lowered the car. But my feeling is, is it's like 90 bucks. So if I give the guy 50 bucks, he's got some cash, he's doing all right. And so you know what I love about these guys? Oh God, do I hate. Oh, and I have no problem with guys like this just dying in their sleep. No problem at all. I cannot stand this human being. I can't stand people that don't have an ounce of compassion in their heart. I mean, I said to the guy, listen, just go back to your place and tell the guy the car was gone. You got called to come out and tow a car. Let's say I walked out five minutes earlier, got in my car and drove away. What would you tell your boss? The car wasn't there. What's he going to do? And here's 50 bucks. Put it in your pocket. No, he kept going. So eventually I called him an asshole. I just said, listen, quit being an asshole. And here's what I love. And a lot of you do this out there and you know who you are. And we've all experienced this guy. Mr. Asshole now, now it's no more Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. Dickhead has now announced no more Mr. Nice Guy. After I call him an asshole. I called him an asshole because for 25 minutes, I was all but begging him, me and four other people from the Man Show to let the car down and to settle this and just don't go anywhere. He actually started driving the car. I jumped in the car, I put the brakes on, he was dragging me. I said to this M.F.er, you are not towing this car. You understand me, you are not towing it. Now, I'm reasonable. I understand I did wrong, I parked in the wrong place. I understand your time is worth something. And I'm perfectly willing to talk about this, but you're not towing this car. And he got in the car and he started driving. I jumped in, I had the door open, I put the brake on, he was dragging me with the front brakes locked up. The car was sitting at like a 45-degree angle. I mean, the rear of the car was three and a half feet off the ground. And he's dragging me and I'm in there and he knows he can't get anywhere and he stops and he gets back out again. And he's a decent-sized guy who's a little bit angry and not the kind of guys, you know, he's the kind of guy who would have hit you with a tire iron or something. And after I called him an a-hole, our relationship deteriorated very quickly after that. And his thing was, he was insulted now. And like I said, no more Mr. Nice Guy. You know what drives me insane? When people do this one, I tried to be reasonable. I tried to do it. I did what Beth, I was nice to you. I showed you respect. I showed your friends respect. No more. No more. And it's like, hey, see sucker. I did everything but blow you for the last half hour to get my goddamn car back. And you were dragging me in it. What are you talking about?

27:26 Caller You tried to be reasonable.

27:27 Adam I hate it when people play that card. Now they have a license to be an a-hole when in fact, they were complete a-holes from the word go. Now, maybe this guy sized me up. Maybe he saw me on TV. Maybe he saw it was a nice car. Maybe he thought after 90 bucks, this guy's going to give me 200 bucks. I don't know what his plan was. And I couldn't read him at all. He was hanging around a little bit. So it was if he wanted something. But on the other hand, I wasn't going to pay more than it would have cost for me to get it out of the impound. So the guy says, no more. No more, Mr. Nice Guy. I had insulted him, insulted the tow truck driver, and he was going to take off. And he was he was he got in the car and he said, F it. My crazy guy from New York, Tom, who works at The Man Show, works with all the monkeys and was fired from his last job for exposing himself to some of the network people, Oh, man. undid one of the lashes that held the tire to the arm.

28:29 Drew Just right at that moment?

28:31 Adam He undid, yes, after the tow truck driver got in his car and started to get ready to head out, car still up at a 45 degree angle, Tom undid one of the nylon lashes that holds the rear tires to these prongs. And he yelled at me, undid the other one. And I was just like, yeah, I got caught up in the moment. I undid the other one. I jumped in the car and he said, take off. Except for the back of the car was three and a half feet off the ground. I peeled out and it really, it sounded, the sound it made was a lot like what it, what, remember when the iceberg rubbed up against the side of the Titanic?

29:12 Drew Yes.

29:12 Adam A lot of that kind of sound.

29:14 Drew Nice.

29:14 Adam Bulkhead's crashing.

29:15 Drew Nice.

29:16 Adam Rivets flying, metal on metal, you know, and popped down in the ground and just peeled out, laughing like a hyena.

29:24 Drew I gotta look at your car now. Do you take it in immediately after that? Leave the muscle behind?

29:29 Adam No, laughing like a hyena, sped all the way home. Everyone else who was standing around just scattered and that sea sucker got himself a big handful of air. So, he can kiss my hairy white ass. No damage to the car, zero, zero. Through God's grace, you understand that God reached down and saved me and my car. God knew this SOB was trying to tow an innocent man and intervene because I really could have done five or six thousand dollars worth of damage to my car. Quite easily.

30:11 Drew Are you kidding?

30:12 Caller Easily.

30:13 Adam I mean, listen kiddies, I ain't exaggerating. The rear tires were in the tow position three feet, three and a half feet off of the ground and the car was being towed and I drove it right off that MFR and for all I know those two prongs could have just pulled my entire rear bumper and trunk lid right off this. I mean, could have done eight or ten thousand dollars worth of damage.

30:36 Drew Was he driving the other direction as you pulled off? Was he already starting to move?

30:40 Adam He was just sitting in his car, yeah, he was starting to move, yeah. No, he wasn't, he was in his car and he was getting ready to move and I drove off. Yeah, and it made a horrible grinding sound, but it didn't tear anything up. Thank you.

30:54 Drew Good story.

30:56 Adam I recommend it to all my listeners. All right, doesn't that feel good, Drew?

31:02 Drew Yeah, justice is gratifying.

31:04 Adam Oh, God, that sea sucker. Pussy. Well, these are wonderful stories. Yes, I hope he's listening, I hope he's upset and I hope he comes down and I'll give him a good ass kicking.

31:17 Drew Alex, what's going on?

31:19 Caller Hi, yeah, I have a problem which I think was caused three months ago. I'm kind of bisexual and I inserted once an egg up my anus. What? An egg up my anus. Egg.

31:34 Adam Egg up his anus.

31:35 Drew A hard-boiled egg?

31:36 Adam No, he used a carton of egg beaters. He shoved up there.

31:39 Caller No, just an egg from a carton, just straight from a carton.

31:42 Drew He's bisexual.

31:44 Adam Yeah, I see.

31:45 Drew No, wait a minute.

31:47 Caller What?

31:48 Adam Turn your radio down, would you goofball?

31:51 Caller Yeah, okay.

31:52 Adam Jesus Christ.

31:53 Caller Anyway, I have to solve the-

31:55 Adam Hold on a second. I don't think he turned, he didn't turn his radio down, his buddy turned his radio down.

32:03 Drew Yeah, I got that, too, yeah.

32:05 Adam And when his buddy is in the room, when he's talking about forcing the egg up his anus, that means boguosity.

32:12 Drew Yeah. Well, I was going for that, too, just the idea that you can't, you're a panel egg. You can't even-

32:18 Adam You can't put a raw egg up your ass. I've tried.

32:20 Drew Are you kidding?

32:21 Adam Oh, let me tell you something. Every year, you know, for the construction outfit I worked at, we'd have a picnic, and there was, you know, it was a three-legged race, a potato sack race, and there was a shove-the-raw-egg-up-your-ass competition.

32:32 Drew Most places.

32:33 Adam I could never win it. No matter how much Miracle Whip I smothered on the thing, I still, no matter how much I dilated myself with a hair dryer, no matter what I did, I could not get that raw egg up my ass without breaking it. It's not fair.

32:46 Drew Most games include deviled eggs.

32:49 Adam Oh, they were deviled when they came out. They had the devil in them. Hey, Alex?

32:55 Caller Well?

32:55 Adam Yeah, I'll see you in hell, all right, brother?

32:57 Caller What?

32:57 Adam Now have fun with that egg.

32:58 Drew No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

32:59 Adam No, no, no, no. We're going to take ourselves a break.

33:05 Drew Talk to him a little more, see what's going on with him, Sarah.

33:07 Adam All right, see about that raw egg in his ass. I'm with you, Drew. You cannot put a raw egg in your ass. You'll break it.

33:14 Drew Getting through the carpet material in your, I mean, the hair in your ass would be over.

33:20 Adam Destroy that egg. All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, maybe we'll talk a little more to Alex after this.

33:29 Caller With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

33:45 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

34:06 Adam Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla.

34:08 Caller This is Dr. Drew over there.

34:09 Adam Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Drew, just because it's the holidays, I want to muse myself. I'll get back to Alex over here. Alex?

34:19 Caller Yeah?

34:20 Adam So you put the raw egg up your ass?

34:22 Caller Yes, and it is possible, whether you believe it or not, I've done it five times with, or actually I've done it once, one time with five eggs at once.

34:30 Adam Five eggs?

34:31 Caller Yes, they were not cracked, they were not hard boiled, they were straight from the carton.

34:35 Adam Right up the ass?

34:36 Caller Yes.

34:37 Adam Five at once?

34:38 Caller Yes, I swear to God.

34:40 Adam And then you laid them like a hen?

34:42 Caller Four, I can account for. Fifth one, I don't know if I did or not, I could have done a while of crapping without knowing it.

34:49 Adam Oh, I see. Well, that could have happened.

34:52 Caller Oh, well, it could still be up there, it could actually still be up there, but I don't know if it is or not.

34:57 Drew How did you get it up there?

34:59 Caller I inserted it, I just squatted down and just inserted it.

35:06 Drew And no special prep or anything?

35:08 Caller No.

35:09 Adam No lubrication?

35:09 Drew You can't insert a finger, we can't serve fingers without lubrication. What are you going with, those mason jars?

35:17 Caller I used some pom-pane cooking oil as a lubricant.

35:21 Caller All right there, Alex.

35:22 Adam All right, we'll talk to you soon, all right buddy? You have fun with them eggs.

35:25 Caller Yeah, well, I have to. What's his question?

35:28 Caller What's his question, though?

35:31 Adam Drew, what if one hypothetically got in it? Well, by the way, if you get an egg up in here, why don't you just crap it out? Why can't you crap out stuff that gets wedged in your ass?

35:40 Drew Why does stuff get stuck up there? Because it's put up with more force than your colon can generate coming down.

35:47 Adam Yeah, but what's it hooked on? You know what I'm saying?

35:53 Drew There's nothing to push it through. You don't have a hand behind it pushing it in.

35:57 Adam Oh, yes. I have magic fingers in my hand.

35:59 Drew Sure you do.

36:00 Adam Now listen, I take a light bulb or a coke bottle or something, I put up my ass.

36:05 Drew Yeah.

36:05 Adam And then it gets stuck. Why can't I push that out?

36:09 Drew Again, it's the size of the opening, right?

36:14 It gets wedged in.

36:15 Drew Yeah, you'd use a lot of force to get it up there. And you need force to get it going in the direction. You can't generate just from the colon.

36:21 Adam Yeah. Listen, you couldn't drive a popsicle stick up my ass with a sledgehammer.

36:27 Drew It's not about lubricant.

36:29 Adam Listen, a five-gallon tub of Crisco, a popsicle stick, and one of those novelty sledgehammers they use at the carnival.

36:38 Drew Gallagher uses.

36:39 Adam Gallagher uses, or they use at the carnival to see if it can ring the bell.

36:43 Caller Yeah.

36:44 Adam And a guy wearing a leopard skin, one of the strongman outfits with just one sleeve, one hook that goes over one shoulder. Right. Couldn't get that thing a quarter inch up my ass. I am that tight.

36:56 Caller That's nice. Yeah.

36:57 Adam I don't know how you get a raw egg with no lubricant.

37:00 Drew How would they find Santa Claus' mouth?

37:05 Adam I referred to my anus as Santa Claus' mouth once because of the hair down there. Drew ran with it. Kevin?

37:12 Hey. Hello. Hello.

37:16 Adam Hello.

37:17 Drew Hey, Kevin.

37:18 Caller Hey, how's it going? Good.

37:19 Drew What's going on?

37:20 Caller Hey, Adam. Big fan of the Man Show. Loved your day with Goldberg on Sunday.

37:23 Adam Oh, yes. We had Hanukkah with Goldberg.

37:26 Drew Nice.

37:27 Caller That was hilarious.

37:28 Adam Yeah. You see, kicks in his ass. He's quite an actor, that Goldberg. What's up there, Kevin?

37:36 Caller Well, I have a speaking suspicion that my wife might be cheating on me.

37:40 Adam Why is that?

37:42 Caller Well, she seems to have a lot of guy friends, you know, and very few girlfriends, which I mean, you know, of course that can happen and whatnot. But she also has a lot of opportunity to do that, you know, because I work at night and whatnot. Besides the fact that she has cheated on me in the past.

38:00 Caller This is what we're looking for.

38:02 Drew Well, tell us about that.

38:03 Caller OK, this is this is what happened is basically when we first basically we first started dating. I had moved across state because she was supposed to come live with me at the time because I had actually gotten her pregnant early on and she had a miscarriage and whatnot.

38:16 Drew Anyway, she's we don't we don't qualify. This is cheating. You just started dating. You moved out of town.

38:21 Caller Well, this was this is a couple more. Yeah. Well, well, let me finish. It was it was I moved away and then she had she with or she slept with a guy that she had known in high school and she was supposed to come out and then she came out and visited me and the guy that gave her a ride out there.

38:36 Caller She slept with.

38:38 Drew Oh, yeah, we're getting there.

38:39 Caller All right.

38:39 Adam But if you can't, you know, if you're not going to chip in for gas, I mean, let me tell you something. Gas, grass or ass is the bumper sticker reads. No one rides for free.

38:49 Caller That's what I did give the guy a beer when he showed up.

38:51 Drew So that's nice.

38:52 Caller All right.

38:52 Adam So, Kevin, she slept with some boyfriend of hers from high school. You guys just been going out a couple of months when you were out of town. Maybe fine. But then she slept. The guy drove her out to you, who was a different guy.

39:08 Caller Yeah, this is the guy. She was coming out to visit me. She had moved home. So we were working in the town together.

39:13 Adam I see.

39:14 Caller And then she had moved out. She was supposed to come out and move with me.

39:18 Adam How do you know she slept with these two guys?

39:20 Caller She told me.

39:20 Adam Oh, all right. Well, let's get to the real bottom of this. She comes from chaos, right?

39:27 Caller Well, kind of. I mean, she was born in Columbia, South America. She was adopted when she was real young.

39:35 Drew How young? How young?

39:37 Caller She was two or three.

39:38 Drew That is not real young. That is real old.

39:41 Adam For adoption.

39:41 Drew For adoption. Well, I mean, hey, that is real.

39:45 Adam That's considered menopausal by the adoption standards.

39:48 Drew That is considered serious trauma.

39:50 Caller Yeah.

39:51 Drew You got that going on.

39:52 Caller Yeah.

39:53 Adam What Drew is saying is if you are adopted at birth, that is it. If you are adopted at two or three, you are abandoned. Yeah. I mean, her dad was probably some drug mule who got busted or something. It is a disaster. Yeah.

40:07 Caller Well, she actually was adopted by a family with her two sisters. So, I mean, they all stayed together. And yeah, her father, I know all the story behind, you know, what was going on with her parents. Her father was gunned down in front of one of her older sisters.

40:23 Drew Her biological father.

40:24 Caller Her biological father.

40:25 Adam Was it some drug thing?

40:27 Caller Not, I mean, we don't know. Yeah, sure.

40:29 Drew Of course it was.

40:30 Caller Yeah. Well, at any rate.

40:33 Drew And she may be an addict too. Is she using drugs?

40:35 Caller Well, she does marijuana. She's tried some other stuff.

40:39 Drew Okay. How often does she smoke pot?

40:44 Caller Maybe once or twice, three times, maybe a month, that I know about. Because when she goes out with her friends, she generally... No, no.

40:51 Drew That's nothing. That's nothing.

40:53 Adam It ain't the drugs. She comes from utter chaos.

40:56 Caller Yeah.

40:57 Adam And what was her adopted family like?

41:00 Caller Her adopted family was... her mom was real abusive towards her.

41:04 Drew All right. Well, there you go. That does it.

41:06 Adam Now, she's cheating.

41:08 Drew For sure.

41:08 Adam She's cheating just because she's totally chaotic.

41:10 Drew She can't tolerate intimacy. The only way she can regulate her feelings is with being in these highly arousing situations, sex, probably some drugs, going out all the time. This is somebody who's got some problems.

41:22 Adam She's gonna... and she'll let you know about it in order to keep sort of the chaos going.

41:27 Drew Keep the intimacy away.

41:28 Caller The thing is right now, I mean, this was... When she cheated on me before that she told me about, this was over three years ago.

41:35 Adam Yeah.

41:35 Caller And what I'm talking about now is something she completely denies.

41:39 Adam Yeah. But don't worry. You'll find out. Something's up. Yeah. And why do you think she told you about it the first time?

41:50 Caller I'm not really sure. I guess you're just feeling guilty about it.

41:55 Drew And then what makes you think now? What's happening now that makes you believe this is happening?

41:59 Caller Well, basically, I mean, like I said, she...

42:01 Drew What's the evidence, though?

42:03 Caller What's the evidence? Well, I... One time I remember here... This was quite a while ago. This was one of... When she first started really going out with these other guys, I kind of eavesdropped on one of her phone calls. And, I mean, it seems like every time she talks to one of these guys, you know, they just talk about sex. Yeah. And, I mean...

42:19 Drew That's not good.

42:20 Caller Yeah, and she...

42:21 Adam Hey, Kevin, do you have any kids?

42:23 Caller Yeah, I have...

42:23 Caller Oh!

42:25 Drew How many kids?

42:27 Caller Just the one. And that's what really makes it tough on me is that, I mean, I've listened to your show enough to know, Dr. Drew, that you like, you know, hope to keep the family together, you know, and that's...

42:36 Drew Well, sometimes it's not possible. Now, it's certainly you don't want to do it unless you get some treatment.

42:41 Adam How about you guys getting a little therapy or something?

42:44 Caller No, I'm definitely could try that.

42:46 Adam Well, here's the deal. Her background mandates that she get into some therapy because she's been to hell and back, and it's all going to come out in the form of just chaos now. Yeah. And she's going to ruin that kid of yours. Absolutely. There's no way you can have her at the wheel of raising a kid.

43:06 Drew I'm surprised that she's even available for the kid. I would expect her to be real abandoning and just not even be available, be out all the time and not taking care of the kid.

43:12 Caller No, actually, she goes out, like I say, maybe she goes out on the weekends, stuff like that, like maybe once or twice, maybe three times a month. She'll go out on the weekends.

43:22 Drew The rest of the time, she's completely available for the child?

43:25 Caller Yeah, she's actually a really good mother. I mean, she's, you know, I can't really complain about that. I mean, she's always been real good to him. And, you know, of course there has been times where, you know, she has, you know, he'll come over and, you know, be playful, you know, kind of do whatever and she'll, you know, not be happy when, I've seen her smack him one time.

43:44 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

43:48 Drew Whoa, Kevin.

43:48 Adam Who, you, Fonzie?

43:50 Drew Wow. That's the smack of three year old across the face.

43:54 Adam Yeah, he had it coming.

43:56 Caller And I got on her about that too and I've only seen it happen once. And I told her, I basically told her, you know, if I ever saw her do that again, that I mean, that'd be it.

44:03 Adam Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

44:06 Caller See? No.

44:08 Adam Hey, Kevin.

44:09 Drew That's called the Call the Child Protective Service's time.

44:11 Adam Now it is not. Listen, you gotta be able to handle it.

44:13 Drew That's in front of him. Who the hell knows what she's doing behind, you know, when he's not home.

44:17 Adam Listen, you, you too gotta get into some therapy. She's got to get into some therapy in this. If it's it, it's it. You get hold of that. You can kind of see that kid. She ain't fit. Here's the deal, everybody. It's sad, but it's true. I don't care how much you, you love your child. It doesn't matter. It will be trumped by your own horrible childhood unless you fix things.

44:39 Drew Yeah, that's right.

44:40 Adam And parenting ain't any different than piloting an airplane or skippering a ship or anything else where there's other people involved in lives at stake. If you ain't qualified, someone's going to get hurt.

44:53 Drew Absolutely.

44:54 Adam And unfortunately, this chick got abandoned and abused and screwed with. And I feel bad for her. But now, just like I felt bad, I feel bad for guys who get abused when they're grown up.

45:06 Drew I feel bad for a blind kid that wants to be an airline pilot. I feel bad for them.

45:10 Adam Until they kill somebody and then they become a criminal. Then I don't feel bad for them anymore. And when you have a kid, that's when you become a criminal. Thank you. That's good logic, isn't it? All right. Let's talk to someone else. I know you want to go to break there, Anderson. Erica? Yes. You're 21. What's up?

45:31 Caller I was going down on my boyfriend the other day and there's a little bit of pre-commin. It tastes like blood.

45:36 Drew It never tastes like that before?

45:38 Caller No.

45:39 Drew How would you tell blood from pre-commin anyway? It's all kind of body fluid. It's all serum.

45:44 Adam Count Jankula. Let me tell you something about semen. It has very distinct flavor, Drew, and blood is very salty. Semen is a totally, totally, totally different taste.

45:53 Drew So when you were going through your vampire years as opposed to your gay years, you sort of made note of this.

45:58 Adam Yeah. Right. When I was sucking blood, it was a totally different sensation and taste than it was when I was guzzling semen. You see? So I know. I'm with you. Thanks for sharing.

46:11 Drew Did you see any blood?

46:12 Caller Uh-uh.

46:13 Adam No. And was the light on? I mean, would you have seen any blood?

46:18 Drew Yeah.

46:18 Adam So just tasted. What's blood taste like salty?

46:22 I don't know.

46:24 Adam Well, if you don't know, then how do you know? Pick up trace elements of it in the pre-cum.

46:31 I don't know.

46:32 Drew Okay.

46:33 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll let Eric get a lobotomy, and we'll be back after this.

46:41 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

46:43 Caller Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:50 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

47:11 Adam Yeah, baby, it's the Loveline.

47:15 Caller Yeah, loving that Loveline.

47:18 Adam I'm Adam Carolla, this is Dr. Drew. Over there, phone number 1-800-LE-1-9-1. Let's talk to Marissa over here. Marissa.

47:27 Caller Hey, what's up?

47:27 Adam Hey, Punky.

47:31 Caller Hey, all right, here's the deal. I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half, a little longer. And we were talking today and he's like, you know what? I'm having a problem. I'm like, well, what's your problem? He's like, our sex life, it's really boring. I'm like, we're not married. This should not be an issue. So he put-

47:51 Drew What does that mean?

47:53 Adam You can be bored sexually.

47:55 Drew Yeah, and not be married.

47:57 Caller It's true, but I just didn't think that someone would be telling me that, you know, at this age.

48:02 Adam No. Usually, how old is he?

48:04 Caller He's 17.

48:05 Drew I wonder if he's saying something else.

48:06 Adam 17-year-old guys usually get bored with sex.

48:08 Drew That's what I think. I think he's up to something else.

48:10 Caller Yeah.

48:12 Caller I know he, like, wouldn't cheat on me, ever.

48:14 Drew Yeah, but he may be trying to screw up the relationship a little bit.

48:16 Adam All right. Well, let her speak.

48:18 Drew Yeah, go on.

48:19 Adam How long have you two been having sex?

48:21 Caller Um, I think, like, two months after we started going out.

48:23 Adam I see.

48:24 Caller Yeah.

48:25 Adam And you wouldn't call it boring, would you? You would.

48:29 Caller No, not usually. Sometimes, you know, sometimes he's just too anxious and just, you know, doesn't get the picture and that foreplay is really important. Did he just rip off my pants and, you know, boom, we're done.

48:40 Drew Did he describe to you what was boring about it?

48:43 Caller Well, he was like, well, you know, you do the same thing every time. I'm like, yes, I know. I'm really boring and uncreative. I mean, we've tried food, we've tried role playing and it's just not good enough for him.

48:53 Adam What kind of role play?

48:54 Caller Like, um, one time I was a Catholic school girl and then I was a nurse and did like this whole, you know, little skit deal. It was kind of fun.

49:02 Adam Nice. Yeah, I did this thing with my ex where we both, we played two Unix.

49:08 Drew Well, how much more advantageous do you have to be? What is it that he's looking for?

49:12 Caller Oh, he just wants something quote unquote more exciting.

49:15 Drew Like what? What does that mean?

49:16 Adam What did you do with the food?

49:18 Drew No.

49:19 Adam I don't like that food. That food, that is not my thing. I don't find that ironic. What's the food?

49:24 Caller It was with cream and chocolate there.

49:27 Adam You licked that off of you?

49:30 Caller Off of him.

49:31 Adam Oh yeah. He made a little banana split, did you?

49:35 Caller You could call it that, I guess.

49:36 Adam Yeah. See, to me, the marshmallow sauce and the pubic hair is a distraction. I like a bit. Since when are you bored if a BJ at 17?

49:47 Drew Something's wrong with this guy. I don't. Something is wrong with him.

49:50 Caller Nothing can be wrong with him though because, I mean, he was like you with the version when we started going out.

49:54 Drew No, but he has got some issues about women and you are a prime candidate. You're playing into this in some way.

50:01 Caller I can't figure out why though because his mom is like the most decent person in his life. His dad is like a horrible dick.

50:06 Drew What's his deal? What's dad's deal?

50:08 Caller Oh, well, he's gone all the time. He never pays attention in his life. He doesn't ask him. His dad has to ask me who his friends are.

50:15 Drew How does dad treat mom?

50:17 Caller That I do not know.

50:19 Drew Why don't you look into that a little bit?

50:21 Adam I'm sure he's not kind of like that.

50:22 Caller I got divorced. Then I got remarried. Then I got divorced again because the same couple.

50:26 Caller Yeah. Oh, boy.

50:28 Adam Well, it happens.

50:29 Drew Yeah. But that's some stuff going on. In my experience, it's usually somebody drinking or doing drugs.

50:36 Adam All right. Everyone's drinking and doing drugs.

50:38 Caller He's always been clean.

50:39 Adam Okay.

50:41 Caller My boyfriend.

50:42 Drew I'm talking about mom or dad.

50:43 Adam Who cares?

50:44 Drew What was it?

50:46 Caller Oh, his dad has been clean since he was in the Air Force.

50:49 Drew See what I'm talking about?

50:50 Adam Yeah.

50:50 Drew Clean from what?

50:51 Adam Yeah.

50:52 Caller Clean. His dad did like acid and stuff like that.

50:54 Adam Yeah. That was 30 years ago. Now, listen.

50:57 Caller Yeah, I know.

50:57 Adam Marissa. Yes. What does he mean? What's he want? What's he want you to do?

51:03 Caller He won't tell me. He's just like, I want something more. I'm like, what the hell?

51:06 Adam Okay. I don't know. I think you two are drifting apart.

51:09 Drew I think he's going to keep up in the ante. He's going for something that's going to be really humiliating, degradating.

51:14 Adam You're going to have a dozen eggs in you.

51:16 Caller No.

51:18 Drew No, you're going to be like, it's going to be Melissa slash Alex.

51:21 Adam Dozen eggs, right?

51:23 Drew Keister.

51:25 Adam You're going to have an Easter in your keister.

51:27 Drew Keister baskets.

51:29 Adam Yes. Well, no, it's just that like the kids will be crawling up your rectum looking for Easter eggs. What else? Have you guys gotten to the anal love yet?

51:38 Caller Oh, oh my God. No.

51:40 Drew That's where he's going. That's that's that's what I know. But that's where he's going.

51:44 Caller Marissa, then that is still not where he's going.

51:46 Drew Marissa.

51:47 Adam Oh, yes. He's against it.

51:49 Caller He's totally against it. He's like, I will never ever do that. I don't care if I'm 120. I won't.

51:53 Adam Interesting angle.

51:56 Drew He's up to something because he's just going to keep up in the end until he's doing something degrading to you. It's not good. This is not a good situation. This is not a caring. There's no reciprocity. There's no mutuality. This is him to sort of go more and more and more. And you giving in to that and trying to figure it out and running all over the place trying to make him happy. And meantime, you're being subjugated and he is asking for, he's in a bottomless pit at this point.

52:19 Adam All right. All right. Eric.

52:23 Hi.

52:24 Adam Hey, you're 30. What's up?

52:25 Caller Always good to talk to you.

52:27 Adam 38.

52:28 Caller 38.

52:28 Adam Yeah.

52:29 Caller Did you guys get the letter I sent you here a while ago?

52:33 Adam What did it say?

52:34 Caller It was an article out of the Minneapolis paper on what it costs and troubled kids and...

52:41 Drew That was a while ago. Yeah. You saw that.

52:43 Adam Yeah.

52:44 Caller No, it was like a week ago with three or four years.

52:46 Drew No, we didn't get that one.

52:48 Adam No. Let me explain something about this show. We don't get that much. We do get some of the food. I think AM thinks some of it may be poison. That's why she sends it along. I was sitting around looking at my plaque today.

53:03 Caller What plaque?

53:04 Adam That's the funny part. See, here's how it works. God, I hope producer Ann is not listening to this show. This is why you can't hire women, by the way. Stuff shows up. Here's the deal, everybody. The home station, the mother station, K-Rock, is in Burbank.

53:19 Drew Los Angeles.

53:20 Adam In Los Angeles. We are not in that city. We are in Culver City.

53:24 Drew We're broadcasting from somewhere else.

53:26 Adam We are in a dump known as Westwood 2.

53:28 Caller Right. I sent it to, I sent it to Westwood 2. Hold on. The care of Adam and Drew.

53:32 Drew That's right.

53:33 Adam Lots of stuff shows up at the mother station, K-Rock, like the Billboard.

53:40 Drew Award?

53:41 Adam Well, what do we get? The Billboard.

53:43 Drew Talk show of the year or something?

53:44 Adam Top, you know, syndicated, alternative talk show of the year or something like that. It stays in the office.

53:51 Drew It plays on Sunday through Friday.

53:52 Adam It sits in the office. I happened to go over to the office a few weeks ago, and there was a big plaque that said, K-Rock and Los Angeles No. 1 English-Speaking Station. Very nice framed glass, something that looks very nice on your wall. And I saw one with my name on it, and I grabbed it, and I brought it home with me. Now, I'm sure there's one with your name on it, too, although you'll never see it. That's what I'm saying.

54:20 Caller Eric, shut up.

54:21 Adam What?

54:22 Caller Shut up.

54:22 Adam It's not a plaque.

54:24 Drew Oh, my God, Eric.

54:25 Adam I know, Eric.

54:26 Drew Yeah. We're having a conversation here.

54:31 Adam But so. I'm speaking about in general.

54:35 Drew As a symbol of something as important as a plaque with your name on it doesn't get here. Any mail with our name on it sure as hell isn't.

54:42 Adam Put it this way. Anything that either looks good in that office, looks good in Ann's house, or is a hassle to bring downstairs ain't making it here. So, you got a plaque over there that says Dr. Drew number one, K-Rock Los Angeles, framed, it's about two feet by 18 inches. Very nice.

55:01 Drew What happened to the...

55:02 Adam You'll never see it.

55:03 Drew The billboard award.

55:04 Adam I saw that.

55:06 Drew You visited?

55:07 Adam I visited our billboard award, but that will not make it here either. Nothing. There's a ton of good stuff in that office. It will not make it here. Okay. Now, should we talk to Eric or... I'm tired of him already.

55:18 Drew All right. I actually want to talk to him.

55:20 Adam All right.

55:21 Caller I'm sorry.

55:21 Drew Go ahead. What's your question? We got about a minute.

55:24 Caller Well, I have... My daughter is 10 years old. I was wondering at what age you start to be concerned with talking to them about sex and all that.

55:33 Drew Well, there's good scientific evidence that you initiate a dialogue between the age of 8 and 12. The content of the dialogue is not important, but the fact that you begin answering open-ended questions for them, that they develop a facility and a comfort of asking things that are mysterious and difficult and hard to understand. And they will quickly begin discussing these topics with you. But answer the questions on their terms. When they're ready to know, when they want to know, they will ask you, just answer. Don't judge, don't freak out, just answer.

56:03 Caller Don't bring things up with them, but as they ask...

56:06 Drew Great opportunities. Just, you know, if you see things on TV, it's like, hey, do you have any questions? They understand how it works.

56:10 Adam Sit down and watch some porn with your kids and see if they have any questions.

56:14 Caller I figured Adam's solution would be a Minka video, but...

56:17 Adam That would scar the kids.

56:19 Caller Yeah, probably.

56:19 Adam Drew, your daughter, you're going to wait until she's in her 40s before you bring up...

56:24 Drew No, she's the one that keeps starting the discussion.

56:27 Adam Oh, really?

56:27 Drew Oh, yes.

56:28 Adam Oh, listen, you've got to get that wife of yours away from her.

56:31 Drew Okay.

56:33 Adam Because your wife, she's all two-step, you know. She's...

56:36 Caller Always enjoy the show with the guys and keep up the good work.

56:39 Adam So, thank you, Eric. We appreciate it. Yeah, sit around and wait for your kids to talk to you. Don't initiate any conversations with them, right, Drew? If you want them to pass the salt, just go... And you know, put your chin at them. Now let me tell you something. You know your wife. She's amorous, she's open, she's carefree. She's a talker. She's going to get that daughter of yours, she's going to be shopping and talking about sex. That's all she's going to do for a living. You keep her away from that wife. Keep her away from that wife.

57:10 Drew By the way, the kids remember, whatever your mom did.

57:13 Adam They do the opposite? All right, you got to hold on to there, buddy.

57:19 Drew She made you cranberry sauce tonight.

57:21 Adam I know, but she didn't bring it in.

57:22 Caller So the love has not begun.

57:24 Drew The love has not begun. But have a paying some homage to her effort.

57:27 Adam Hey, she's a hell of a lady. I'm just saying keep her away from the daughter. That's all. I don't mean any disrespect. Just keep her away from her own child.

57:36 Drew I'm going to put you on phone with her when the paper comes out.

57:37 Adam We're going to take a break. We'll be back.

57:49 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz.

57:55 Caller It's another buzz moment of madness.

57:57 Caller Why is it great to be a guy? Childbirth. Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz.

58:36 Adam You know, there's nothing like a well-timed fart, Drew.

58:40 Drew Let's think, reason this out for a second. What is it about the male that around the age of five, that becomes the, I mean, what is it about humor?

58:48 Adam Don't know.

58:48 Drew That becomes the most reproducibly funny event in a male's life. And that's funny why?

58:55 Adam Don't know.

58:55 Drew Other than Anderson.

58:56 Adam I met three or four guys who don't think farting is funny. Unfortunately, one of them happens to work with me during my prime farting hours and be engineer Anderson. And I don't trust any of them.

59:07 Drew I just watched my sons laugh like hyenas.

59:11 Adam Oh really?

59:12 Drew Oh my God.

59:13 Adam They're good ass height too. I could really have a field day with those kids.

59:16 Drew Oh, you want, I guess we'll not breathe. They'll be, I mean, they'll be laughing so hard. They'll be out of breath.

59:20 Adam I could blow out an eardrum. Oh, I was great. I used to.

59:23 Drew I put three in a room.

59:25 Adam I used to do this thing with my friend Chris is he had a little brother. He was Ricky was five years younger than he was. So when we were like 12, 13, he was a seven or eight or something like that. I used to do this great move with him. When I, I'd be walking in the kitchen, I'd stop and have this weird look on my face. And I start doing this weird thing with my foot. I start pushing the ball on my foot on the floor. And, huh, what is this? He'd be looking at me. I just be, I wouldn't be looking at him. I'd just be thinking to myself, what is this? What is this? And then I'd bend down and I'd touch the floor right where my foot was. Whoa, whoa, that is weird. That is weird. What is that? This is some kind of black hole or something. What is that? How'd that happen? He'd come over. Okay, Ricky, feel that little part of the floor right there. It's weird. It feels like a breast or something. It's a spongy. How'd that happen? He put his foot on it, you know. No, no, no, no. No, no, with the hand. You feel it. When you put your hand on it, you feel it. Sure enough, he'd lean over, just bend at the waist, never bend down with the knee, just bend right over the waist, put his hand on the floor. I would cut the back of his skull, shove his head halfway up my rectum and let a big, big one fly on his head. Nothing better. Nothing, nothing more gratifying.

1:00:47 Drew Three and a half?

1:00:50 Adam It was eight, eight or nine, probably seven, eight.

1:00:52 Drew Did he laugh like a hater?

1:00:53 Adam No, he was traumatized. He's still in therapy.

1:00:56 Drew That's too bad.

1:00:57 Adam Now, when I see him, you know, he's an adult now. Maybe that's why I understand. He's 31. He runs crying even as an adult man when I see him now. Matt?

1:01:05 Drew How many times were you able to do that to him that he leaned over?

1:01:08 Adam I'd probably gotten three or four times. Various, different ways. Shoes untied, you know, that kind of stuff. Now, you know, around the office, I'll drop things. You know, see if I can get one of the riders to bend down and pick something up and then pow. But my big move is just coming up behind people that are sitting on chairs, leaning back.

1:01:26 Drew I'm aware of that one, yes, yes. Yeah, I've seen that one happen.

1:01:29 Adam Yeah, you know, it's really funny. You know, you've really, you've gained a lot of respect when you just walk into the room, you see guys starting to pull their shirts up over their face like this. This is Jimmy's big move. He pulls the t-shirt up over the nose and just talks to you through the shirt. Matt.

1:01:46 Drew Oh, Matt's sleeping.

1:01:47 Adam Matt is 14. He's been on hold for 82 minutes.

1:01:54 Drew And he's out.

1:01:54 Adam I think he's sleeping.

1:01:56 Drew 14 year olds don't make a lot of noise when they sleep.

1:01:58 Adam No, they don't have that big novelty snore like one of our security guards. All right. Should we let him sleep? Yeah.

1:02:05 Drew We'll let him go, I think.

1:02:07 Adam Aubrey?

1:02:08 Caller Hi.

1:02:08 Adam Hey, you're 17. What's up?

1:02:10 Caller Well, I'm gay for clarification. I live in Anchorage and about a little more than a year ago, I fell in love with a girl who was just a couple years younger than me. And you're gay. I'm gay.

1:02:24 Drew How many years? She's 15?

1:02:26 Caller 17.

1:02:27 Drew She's 15?

1:02:28 Caller Oh, yeah. She's 15. I didn't understand your question.

1:02:32 Caller All right.

1:02:33 Caller Well, my problem is that now I've met this new girl and I think that I may be falling in love with her. And I know that it seems childish. I'm 17. Perhaps I don't truly understand the definition of love, but...

1:02:46 Drew How old is this person?

1:02:47 Caller This person is 15 as well.

1:02:50 Adam Christ, how many young lesbians are there in Anchorage?

1:02:54 Caller Well, it's a pretty conservative state, so you'd be surprised. People are pretty repressed here.

1:02:59 Adam Yeah.

1:02:59 Drew Well, that would make it even harder to find, right?

1:03:01 Adam That's what I'm saying. You see a pretty good batting average going on for Anchorage.

1:03:06 Caller Yeah. Well, I don't know if I'm in love with this person.

1:03:11 Adam On the other hand, they start that Idina Rod race from Anchorage, don't they?

1:03:15 Caller In February.

1:03:16 Adam Yeah. So you got all those lesbian mushers who come to town each year. Of course. That's kind of... I'm guessing that Idina Rod sled race must be like the LPGA coming to town. You know, chicks, chicks win that half the time.

1:03:31 Drew And can you pick up anything interesting about Aubrey?

1:03:34 Adam Yes.

1:03:34 Drew Yeah.

1:03:35 Adam No. The interesting thing about Aubrey is she's a true lesbian. True lesbian.

1:03:39 Drew That's exactly, that's exactly the way I got it.

1:03:42 Adam Not you. You did not go lesbian at the hands of your uncle when you were 15. No. No, you are a lesbian. You bleed lesbian brown. What are the lesbian colors, Drew? Blue. What is purple? What are most of those final shirts?

1:03:59 Drew Is it like a red and a brown? Again, you seem very well put together. We don't get any funny feelings from you. You seem secure in what you're doing and that's fine.

1:04:08 Caller Well, my problem is that this person is so much like the last person I dated. Like, they have the same career aspirations that I'm afraid.

1:04:18 Drew Yeah, but you know, the way all humans work is that attraction is built on sort of internal images that don't change much unless you've been through therapy. And so, you know, as you go around looking for someone to be attracted to, it's natural enough that you'd be attracted to something very similar.

1:04:35 Adam How do you scope out your lesbian prey as a 17-year-old lesbian? How do you figure out these girls are lesbians?

1:04:43 Caller Oh, it's very dangerous.

1:04:46 Adam It is, yeah.

1:04:47 Caller It's very dangerous because if you ask somebody if they're gay, the implication is, hey, I like you. And if you're not gay, then of course, it's this huge insult. And they'll never speak to you again. Right.

1:04:59 Adam That's why, you know, whenever, anytime someone asks me if I'm gay, I always go, why?

1:05:05 Drew Who wants to know?

1:05:05 Adam You gay? And I do it like that, where I do that thing with my eyes.

1:05:08 Caller That's very safe.

1:05:09 Adam Yeah.

1:05:10 Drew Humphrey is the healthiest adolescent I've ever met.

1:05:13 Adam Yeah. You're just a lesbian.

1:05:16 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:05:17 Adam You were born to lez off.

1:05:19 Caller Well, I have a twin and she's gay as well. So I'm-

1:05:22 Drew How interesting. That is fascinating.

1:05:25 Caller Yeah, I'm sure it is.

1:05:26 Adam And your family's a decent family.

1:05:29 Caller Yeah. Well, my parents are Mormon and I chose when I was a sophomore that I preferred Judaism.

1:05:35 Caller Oh, how interesting.

1:05:36 Drew Interesting.

1:05:37 Adam Your dad killed himself. Your mom checked into an insane asylum. And then what?

1:05:42 Caller Oh, well, the situation for them for years. Now, um, my parents are on the conservative side.

1:05:49 Adam Hold on a second. Plot's starting to thicken just a little bit here, Drew. Yeah, but it's it's we may have to take back our initial analysis.

1:05:56 Drew No, no, no, because it's because on an emotional level, it's still intact. It's on there. All this stuff on top is kind of weird.

1:06:05 Adam She went Jew on her Mormon parents.

1:06:08 Drew Fast there.

1:06:09 Adam Both her and her twin sister.

1:06:11 Drew Listen, listen, part part of our lessons is rebellion. That's normal.

1:06:15 Adam I wish if I had nickel for every time my dad said, don't you go Jew on me, boy. That's what he'd say.

1:06:21 Drew Yeah.

1:06:21 Adam Hey, boy, come here. He'd be drinking, pull his belt out. You're not going to on me, are you, son? No, no, no, no, so dad. No, I don't think my dad knows what religion he is, by the way. All right. Where is she? This is this is bizarre. So your parents are Mormon?

1:06:39 Caller Yes.

1:06:40 Caller Yeah.

1:06:40 Adam And they're pretty strict?

1:06:43 Caller They were up until we hit our teenage years. We're all very close.

1:06:48 Adam Ever since you bought Mitzvah?

1:06:50 Caller Yeah.

1:06:51 Caller Right.

1:06:52 Adam Why Judaism? How did you pick that one out?

1:06:55 Caller Why Judaism? Well, I have, it's not usually the religion picks you. People are not very, you know, stuck in their beliefs. Well, I have my own beliefs and it just so happened that Judaism fit most of them. You know, and everybody needs some sort of organized religion.

1:07:11 Adam Well, maybe. I listen, if I'm going, if I pick a religion, I go with the Judaism. That's a very solid religion. Lots of food, lots of money, lots of hanging out. Very good. No work on Saturdays. Hey, Aubrey. Yeah, you're young, you know, maybe you shouldn't be in anything too serious.

1:07:31 Drew But all 17 year olds trying to figure out what love is, all of them. And at least you come up from a place where you don't sound like you have a lot of other emotional baggage that's clouding that experience.

1:07:43 Caller Well, my question is, well, first, I have a question for Mr. Carolla.

1:07:46 Adam Yeah.

1:07:47 Caller Um, have you ever told somebody that you loved them and then you didn't mean it? You weren't, you did not love them, but you told them that you did and then they found out later that I didn't love them? Yeah.

1:07:59 Caller Yeah.

1:08:01 Caller Well, I don't want to do that. Okay.

1:08:03 Caller Well, okay.

1:08:04 Adam You make a good prosecuting attorney. That's enough.

1:08:08 Caller You may leave the bench.

1:08:10 Adam Wait a minute. I was drunk. Well, listen, we've all told people we love them. And then later on had a breakup. It didn't mean we didn't necessarily love them. At the time we said we love them.

1:08:23 Caller Right. I don't want to get into a relationship with this person and find out later that I got into the relationship because there was so much like my, you know.

1:08:34 Adam Okay.

1:08:34 Drew Well, then relax. Take it easy.

1:08:36 Adam Hey, the Jewish society is forcing you to do way too much thinking. Relax over there. You're 17. You got a mind on you, baby.

1:08:44 Drew And you need some experience. You need to sort of figure out who you are in a relationship and you're on your way. And it's good that you're being cautious. It's good that you're not willing to exploit somebody else and or get needlessly into an emotional situation.

1:08:57 Adam She needs to go out for the cheerleading squad and drink some wine coolers in the park after the game or something. She got mellow out. She's got too much. She's like a 45 year old woman. You can listen to that in a while.

1:09:11 Drew Interesting. Not much else to do in Anchorage, I guess.

1:09:14 Adam Nope. Just plenty of time to think. James?

1:09:17 Caller Yeah.

1:09:18 Adam You're 35?

1:09:20 Caller Yep.

1:09:20 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:09:22 Adam What's up there, you auctioneer, you?

1:09:26 Caller Um, I want to know if I should start lying about my virginity.

1:09:30 Adam Oh, yes.

1:09:32 Caller Why?

1:09:32 Adam Are you a virgin?

1:09:34 Caller Yeah.

1:09:35 Drew Oh, come on.

1:09:38 Adam Drew, please. Why are you a virgin?

1:09:42 Caller I don't know. Hmm.

1:09:44 Drew We're asking, is it something you've chosen to maintain? Is it something? Oh, no. Well, I'm not asking. I gotta ask.

1:09:51 Caller Um, I guess it was a bad experience in the past. Uh-oh.

1:09:54 Adam With a guy?

1:09:55 Caller No.

1:09:57 Adam Two guys?

1:09:58 Caller Screw you.

1:10:02 Adam What bad experiences you have?

1:10:04 Caller Um, I told the girl maybe about ten years ago and she kind of ratted me out.

1:10:12 Drew Told the girl what?

1:10:13 Adam He was a virgin?

1:10:14 Caller Yeah.

1:10:15 Adam What? That doesn't work because what kept you a virgin until 25 years old?

1:10:21 Caller Um, not a popular guy in school pretty much.

1:10:25 Adam What's up with you?

1:10:27 Caller I'm not a good looking guy.

1:10:28 Adam Well, there's plenty of ugly guys get plenty of tail. That's the beauty about being a guy.

1:10:33 Caller There's plenty that don't.

1:10:34 Adam Yeah, there's plenty that don't. That's right.

1:10:36 Caller One of them.

1:10:37 Adam All right, but listen, what is wrong with you? Should you be on medication?

1:10:42 Caller If I knew what was wrong with me, I would have fixed it by now.

1:10:44 Adam All right, I'm gonna fix you right here in the next minute and a half. All right, James?

1:10:47 Drew Do you drive a tow truck?

1:10:48 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:10:51 Caller I'm on disability.

1:10:52 Drew For what?

1:10:54 Caller Why?

1:10:54 Adam Yeah.

1:10:55 Caller Broke my ankle. It's only a temporary thing.

1:11:00 Drew How temporary? How long?

1:11:02 Caller I don't know.

1:11:04 Drew If I broke my ankle, I'd still be working.

1:11:06 Adam Yeah, so why can't you work with a broken ankle?

1:11:09 Caller They can't stand up.

1:11:11 Adam What do you do for a living? Are we getting back to this part again?

1:11:15 Caller James, I wouldn't do you.

1:11:16 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:11:18 Caller I work in a warehouse.

1:11:19 Adam I see. James, let me ask you this. What makes you antisocial? What makes you angry? What makes you... Here's what I'm saying. Chicks think you're weird, right? I have no idea. Well, I'm going to go way out on a limb and go, Chicks think you're weird. Now, here's the question. And I'll put this out there to all the guys who are out there, who Chicks think they're weird. Why do they think you're weird? What are you putting off? What are you putting out there? And why can't we stop it?

1:11:51 Caller I wish I knew.

1:11:52 Adam All right, well, I can tell from talking to you for two minutes, you're giving me the creeps. What is freaky? Did you have someone beat on you when you were a kid? Sure. It was an alcoholic dad. Did you see your dad get shot? What what happened?

1:12:09 Caller Well, I don't know what you tell me. You're the one that's talking.

1:12:12 Drew We're asking what happened.

1:12:13 Caller I don't know what the hell your dad.

1:12:14 Caller Nobody tells you why and where. All right.

1:12:16 Adam Hold on a second.

1:12:18 Drew That's just to find that that's the core sort of reaction of an antisocial, you know, Yes.

1:12:24 Adam People call up this show. They want to know why the opposite sex doesn't like them. You want to bust a chair over their head after talking to them over the phone for two minutes. You know what I mean? You're thinking to yourself, if I ran into this dude at a party, I'd slit my own throat, I'd jump in the punch bowl. So you know, because otherwise the bleeding might stop and I wouldn't die. You know what I'm saying? And then they want to know what the problem is.

1:12:50 Drew Well, I just wanted to know what his history was and he would even answer that.

1:12:53 Adam Most of it is, is that they're angry.

1:12:56 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:12:57 Adam That's the question. Why are you so angry, James?

1:13:00 Caller I'm not angry.

1:13:01 Adam You sure sound angry.

1:13:03 Caller What the history? I didn't hear that question.

1:13:07 Adam I want to know what is, what went on in your past?

1:13:11 Drew We asked specifically.

1:13:12 Adam That got you where you are.

1:13:13 Drew Who beat on you, what did you do?

1:13:15 Caller Nobody.

1:13:17 Adam What kind of guy was your dad?

1:13:20 Caller No, I don't think it was my dad. I think it was my first girlfriend.

1:13:22 Drew No.

1:13:23 Adam No.

1:13:23 Drew What kind of guy was your dad?

1:13:25 Caller He was okay.

1:13:27 Drew He never struck you?

1:13:28 Caller No, no, no.

1:13:29 Adam He wasn't a boozer?

1:13:31 Caller No.

1:13:31 Adam He didn't beat on your mom?

1:13:33 Caller No.

1:13:33 Adam What did he do for a living?

1:13:35 Caller Carpenter.

1:13:36 Adam Uh-oh, that's trouble. And your mom, was she all right?

1:13:41 Caller Yeah.

1:13:41 Adam Do you have brothers and sisters that are normal?

1:13:45 Caller Yeah.

1:13:46 Adam Anyone you ever thought about getting on some like antidepressants, something like that?

1:13:51 Caller No.

1:13:51 Adam Never been brought up?

1:13:53 Caller No, do I sound depressed?

1:13:54 Adam Yeah.

1:13:55 Caller Oh.

1:13:55 Adam So, here's the deal, James. If you want to be attractive to women, and here's the good news. You can't do anything about your physical appearance except for maybe lose ten pounds. But the good news is, is women don't care that much. They care some, but they're pretty forgiving in that department, and God bless them for it. They react to vibe, they react to personality, they react to style, they react to all the things that you can change. So, you gotta work on those things.

1:14:25 Drew They're very tuned in to the inside world. Right.

1:14:29 Adam You're scaring them, because you got that vibe.

1:14:32 Drew And it's sort of an angry...

1:14:34 Adam It's an angry anti-social vibe that you're putting out, James. They're picking up on it, and that's why you're still a virgin. Now here's what you gotta do, James. You got to get a little therapy, read a few books, start getting out. I know your ankle's busted up, but when it's better, you gotta get out. You gotta go find... Where do you live?

1:14:58 Caller California.

1:14:59 Adam You live in... Oh, I see. Oh, I know where that is. You gotta go down to the beach and start rollerblading. You live in LA. Good. Go down to Venice Beach and start rollerblading. Do you have any friends? Yeah. Are they decent guys?

1:15:19 Caller Pretty much. I wouldn't tell them my secret, but yeah.

1:15:21 Adam Yeah, don't tell them.

1:15:22 Caller Forget about the old virgin thing.

1:15:23 Drew This is like worrying about your penis size. This is what people worry about when their esteem is severely compromised.

1:15:29 Adam Yes.

1:15:30 Drew You need to make relationships with other people and find things that make you feel good about yourself and engage in those activities.

1:15:36 Adam Oh, boy. Listen, there's guys that watch a whole documentary on HBO tonight about women who are hooked up with guys who are on death row.

1:15:48 Drew There was a documentary on that? Yeah.

1:15:51 Adam Good times. These guys are getting more tail in prison than they got on the outside.

1:15:57 Drew On death row?

1:15:58 Adam On death row. Well, the more newsworthy your murder story is, the more letters you get, you know, requesting dates and marriage proposals and all that kind of stuff.

1:16:10 Drew Somebody's got to do some study like this on other primates. Let's see if you can figure out what it is that makes female humans behave like this because it's not anything of the rational mind.

1:16:21 Adam Listen, if chicks see on TV, you know, other than Comedy Central or Basic Cable, if they see on TV, they're in. I think that's what it is. Plus, we all know they're screwballs and they can't be in a relationship, and so they start a relationship with kind person.

1:16:37 Drew It's that castrated male thing. They pair the contained male though.

1:16:40 Adam It's always great too. It's always, you know, the guys dating Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker. Oh, she's great. They're married. She's very much in love. She's very smitten. It's great. It's always great too when they start talking about their family, about how they disapprove, and you're thinking, disapprove?

1:17:01 Caller Honey, I'd have you put down.

1:17:03 Adam Dating the Night Stalker. That's when, there's a few signs, by the way, as a parent, when it's time to kill yourself. Kid, remember we had that call a few weeks ago, kid performing oral sex on himself with the Mom walks in. gay guy he met at the bar masturbating next to him. When you walk in on that, that's time to kill yourself.

1:17:31 Drew So that's where you, that's the sign on capsule you keep handy there.

1:17:33 Adam You keep that sign on capsule in between your rear teeth, you chomp down on your dead in seconds. And the other one is, is when your daughter cites to marry guys in prison, mass murder, from inside the jug.

1:17:49 Caller Sean? Hey, Adam.

1:17:51 Adam Hey, you're 25, what's up?

1:17:53 Caller I just wanted to say you guys rock and I wanted to request the lightning round tonight.

1:18:00 Adam All right, Sean, it's been a while. Why not? And you know what? I'm going to, well, let me talk to my buddy Ace Rockolla over here, see in the studio. Get him over here in the studio here, Drew. Ace!

1:18:13 Caller Ace Rockolla!

1:18:16 Caller Yeah, what's going on? Hey, Ace, we'd like to do a live round, but I'm doing it now, dedicated to you.

1:18:24 Adam OK, so I can leave her.

1:18:26 Caller Yeah, screw it on. Don't get told there, buddy.

1:18:32 Adam All right, Sean.

1:18:33 Caller Yep.

1:18:34 Adam Ace says, oh, and Ace is on his way out, I think, scramming up here or something. Ace, you sure? You did? We on for about 22 minutes.

1:18:42 Caller Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:18:45 Drew Yep.

1:18:46 Caller All right.

1:18:46 Drew Was that Ace or Lakers that just responded?

1:18:48 Adam I think it was Lakers.

1:18:50 Caller Let me ask, let me get Ace again. Let me get Ace Rockolla. Ace, you gonna do the lightning round? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, 11, 20, 20 minutes, I don't know. Yeah, he said fine. All right. All right, Sean.

1:19:04 Adam He says he's gonna dedicate it to you tonight, buddy.

1:19:07 Caller All right.

1:19:07 Adam So you be listening.

1:19:08 Caller Thanks.

1:19:10 Adam All right, the last one of 2000, Anderson reminded me.

1:19:13 Caller So you don't wanna miss it.

1:19:15 Adam Very special lightning round tonight.

1:19:16 Drew There'll be another one tomorrow.

1:19:17 Adam All right, hey, here's someone whose husband's in jail.

1:19:20 Drew Imagine that.

1:19:21 Adam So let's know how to satisfy ourselves sexually. We're gonna take a little break. Let me just say hi to her before we do it. Kim?

1:19:26 Caller Yeah?

1:19:30 Caller Hello?

1:19:30 Adam Yeah. Your husband's in jail?

1:19:32 Caller Yeah.

1:19:32 Adam What's he in for?

1:19:34 Caller He's in for a violation for drinking a beer.

1:19:37 Drew Violation of parole?

1:19:38 Adam Parole violation?

1:19:39 Caller Yeah.

1:19:40 Caller I see.

1:19:41 Adam Boy, I'll tell you. It is a tragedy. What's going on? A lot of innocent people walking around drinking a beer.

1:19:48 Caller Yeah, we were at my family.

1:19:49 Drew You're born with your first parole, right?

1:19:51 Caller Huh?

1:19:52 Drew At birth, parole one.

1:19:53 Adam Yes, you get some people are born into parole.

1:19:57 Drew Right.

1:19:57 Caller No, he wasn't.

1:19:59 Adam Are you saying he did some sort of prior violation or something?

1:20:03 Caller Yeah.

1:20:03 Adam Oh, so it wasn't just a drink in the beer?

1:20:05 Caller No, he a couple of years ago, he went in because when he was like 18 years old, him and his friends got all drunk and good at crime.

1:20:14 Drew Oh, I get it. Did a crime. I see. Somebody was holding a weapon and they pointed the weapon at somebody and asked for some stuff.

1:20:20 Adam And one of his friends.

1:20:21 Caller No, he wasn't a weapon. It was just being all drunk and stupid and getting in fights and stuff. Just doing a lot of sex and repeated crimes, which repeated, repeated, like fighting and drunken in public and stuff like that.

1:20:33 Drew Uh-huh.

1:20:34 Adam That's a pretty bad crowd he ran away.

1:20:36 Caller Yeah, that's why we moved away from that town. Yeah.

1:20:39 Drew Strangely, he got a parole violation again.

1:20:41 Adam Strangely, did you move away or were you run out on a rail?

1:20:46 Caller We moved away. We decided to get married when he got out of prison the first time.

1:20:50 Adam I see.

1:20:51 Caller And we decided to move away and got on with our lives like years later.

1:20:55 Adam Fantastic.

1:20:56 Drew And then got on years later. How old were you when you moved out of town?

1:21:00 Caller We moved out of town about two years ago.

1:21:01 Drew You were 17?

1:21:02 Caller Yeah.

1:21:03 Drew How old was he?

1:21:04 Caller Huh?

1:21:05 Drew How old was he?

1:21:06 Caller He was 21.

1:21:09 Drew So illegally.

1:21:10 Caller Illegally.

1:21:11 Adam That seems like it.

1:21:11 Caller No, it wasn't illegally. We were married.

1:21:13 Caller All right. All right.

1:21:14 Adam All right. You're not having any kids, are you? No.

1:21:18 Caller No. We've been together for five years, though.

1:21:20 Adam Good. No kids?

1:21:21 Caller No.

1:21:21 Adam What, are you sterile?

1:21:22 Drew Since you were 14 and he was...

1:21:23 Caller No, I'm careful.

1:21:25 Adam Good.

1:21:25 Caller Yeah.

1:21:25 Adam Because you're going to give birth to a felon. Kid's going to be on parole. A parole officer as he comes out.

1:21:31 Caller Well, no, he...

1:21:32 Caller A judge will deliver the child.

1:21:34 Caller He got busted for drinking a beer.

1:21:37 Adam I see.

1:21:37 Drew You've been what his entire life?

1:21:39 Adam He been what?

1:21:39 Caller He what? I'm sorry.

1:21:41 Drew You've been what his entire life?

1:21:43 Caller He, like, messed up and he has a bad family and everything, like, his whole entire life.

1:21:48 Adam Right.

1:21:48 Caller And then he changed his whole life around. And he's not even the same person. And he went back there for something, for drinking a beer. I know. For out riding dirt bikes and...

1:21:58 Drew And then beating up the officer that...

1:21:59 Caller No. No. He...

1:22:01 Adam All right.

1:22:01 Caller All right.

1:22:02 Caller We have a home, we work, so...

1:22:04 Adam All right. All right. I'm starting to come around here, Kim.

1:22:06 Caller Okay.

1:22:07 Adam How long is he in for, for that beer?

1:22:09 Caller Eight months.

1:22:10 Caller All right.

1:22:10 Adam Hold on a second.

1:22:11 Caller He got...

1:22:11 Caller All right.

1:22:12 Drew No way. No way.

1:22:14 Adam I know. Here's the deal. Guys, you know, commit murder one and they get like 18 months. And Jesus Christ, I wish I would have married one of these women and just constantly defend me. He's in for parole violation.

1:22:29 Caller Well, he's running around.

1:22:30 Adam So is the same ramp.

1:22:32 Caller I had a bunch of...

1:22:33 Adam First off, he was a kid. He was a kid. He was a kid. And he was just a kid. He was hanging around with these other guys. These guys were troublemakers and they were drinking. And, you know, they were just... I understand I'll throw this goddamn mic through the window, so help me Christ.

1:22:46 Caller And they discovered...

1:22:47 Adam Remember the one we had a few weeks ago? Well, what happened? Somebody pointed something at somebody and they asked him for... Requested some money, some stuff.

1:22:55 Drew Ask him for some stuff.

1:22:56 Caller Ask him for some stuff.

1:22:57 Adam You mean armed robbery?

1:22:59 Caller Well, who am I to judge?

1:23:01 Drew How dare you?

1:23:02 Caller Yeah.

1:23:04 Adam You just... You point a gun at somebody and you ask for stuff. I think that's armed robbery.

1:23:08 Caller All right.

1:23:09 Adam We're going to get back to this after this.

1:23:25 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:23:36 Caller Yep, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew over there.

1:23:40 Adam Here we go.

1:23:41 Drew Eight minutes and 30 seconds before the lightning round. So.

1:23:44 Adam Yeah, coming up.

1:23:44 Drew Or, I'm sorry, 10 minutes, 30 seconds.

1:23:47 Adam Let Ace Rockolla handle the math. I can't figure it out myself. All right, here we go. Kim?

1:23:54 Drew Yeah? Kim, I want to have a little discussion. Oh, leave her alone. No, no, no. No, a little discussion about denial.

1:23:59 Caller What, are we on the air?

1:24:00 Drew Yeah.

1:24:01 Caller Okay.

1:24:01 Drew Okay. I want to have a little discussion about denial. Now, you say your boyfriend was husband. Put back in jail for having a beer.

1:24:09 Caller Yes. And that's, I'm not denying it's the dead honest truth.

1:24:12 Drew What was he doing while he was drinking his beer?

1:24:14 Caller Riding a dirt bike.

1:24:16 Drew Operating a vehicle.

1:24:18 Caller In the middle of the desert.

1:24:19 Drew Operating a vehicle.

1:24:20 Adam That's cool.

1:24:21 Drew Breaking the law. Who's operating a vehicle?

1:24:22 Caller That's an automatic violation for drinking. And because he was not supposed to be drinking at all.

1:24:29 Drew Because he was fighting many years ago?

1:24:31 Caller Yeah. And they said alcohol was a part of it.

1:24:35 Drew Was a part of his...

1:24:36 Caller It was like a special condition to where he's not supposed to be drinking.

1:24:39 Drew He never had a DUI?

1:24:40 Caller No.

1:24:42 Caller It was because his crime was related with alcohol.

1:24:45 Caller Okay.

1:24:45 Caller Like three years ago.

1:24:47 Caller All right.

1:24:47 Drew And how many crime convictions has he had?

1:24:50 Caller He's only had one felony that put him in prison.

1:24:54 Drew How many crimes has he been accused of?

1:24:57 Caller I don't know.

1:24:58 Drew How many do you think?

1:24:59 Caller From when he was a teenager and everything? I don't know.

1:25:01 Drew How many do you think? Give me a guess.

1:25:04 Adam 150.

1:25:05 Caller No, like six.

1:25:06 Drew Six crimes.

1:25:07 Caller Like five or six.

1:25:07 Drew So he has quite a record here.

1:25:09 Caller Yeah.

1:25:09 Drew Okay. And to deny that is, you know, it's kind of silly, right?

1:25:13 Caller Yeah.

1:25:14 Drew All right. They had to bring it down hard around him because his behavior was been totally out of control.

1:25:18 Caller Yeah.

1:25:19 Drew Okay. It's not like a guy who's walked down the street with a beer and they've slammed him in the jail.

1:25:23 Caller Well, they didn't look at though he'd been out over two years. But he has a life around and never did anything else wrong.

1:25:29 Drew How has he changed his life around?

1:25:31 Caller Well, we moved out of town. He got a good job. He has gotten a good home. He got married.

1:25:37 Drew You saved him.

1:25:38 Caller We saved each other.

1:25:40 Adam Where were you going at 17? Why was your life such a mess?

1:25:44 Caller I did a lot of drugs when I was a teenager. I got away from those once I got with him.

1:25:49 Drew You're not smoking pot still?

1:25:50 Caller No, I don't even smoke pot. I don't do nothing.

1:25:53 Drew No alcohol.

1:25:54 Caller We like saved each other.

1:25:55 Drew Yeah. Nobody saves anybody really.

1:25:59 Adam Well, here's the deal. I mean, I understand he got pumped for drinking a beer, but if part of the condition of your parole is if you get if you're seen with a beer, you're going back in for nine months, then you make damn sure you ain't drinking a beer.

1:26:14 Caller That's it.

1:26:15 Drew Period.

1:26:16 Adam I know.

1:26:16 Caller But that's kind of hard. Three years. Don't drink a beer.

1:26:19 Caller With your family.

1:26:20 Adam Listen to me. You drink a beer when you're sitting in your house, you drink a beer when you're at a bar, you drink a beer when you're with some friends at their house, but you don't do it out in a place that's public like that.

1:26:32 Caller Yeah.

1:26:32 Adam You can get popped. Yeah.

1:26:34 Caller We know it was very stupid and we're paying for it now.

1:26:36 Adam Well, all right. So now what do you want to do? He's not getting out for eight months.

1:26:41 Caller Well, he's been in there for four.

1:26:42 Adam I mean, he's they gave him a year.

1:26:45 Caller No, I got eight months.

1:26:45 Adam Four more. Oh, I see. He's going to be out in four months.

1:26:48 Caller Yeah.

1:26:48 Adam And your question is?

1:26:50 Caller Well, also, he's listening to.

1:26:52 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:26:53 Adam Try to kill me when he gets in. He's gonna run over me.

1:26:55 Caller No. And I love you, baby.

1:26:57 Adam I love you too, mama. He's in four months. I can come by.

1:27:00 Caller Where are you?

1:27:02 Caller Where am I? In Hammett.

1:27:03 Adam In Hammett?

1:27:04 Caller Yeah.

1:27:04 Adam I could be there in like nine weeks or something. No, no. Two hours. Oh, two hours. Yeah. I'm coming over for some loving. Is he listening?

1:27:13 Caller Yeah, he's listening.

1:27:14 Adam Yeah. We'll get it on in his bed.

1:27:17 Caller I don't think so.

1:27:18 Adam Come on, baby. I'm a big celebrity. What's your question?

1:27:21 Caller He's my celebrity.

1:27:22 Drew What's your question?

1:27:23 Caller Oh, man.

1:27:26 Adam All right. So what do you want to do?

1:27:28 Caller OK. He's been like stressing a lot because he's been thinking since he's locked up for eight months and he's wondering, what am I going to do about sex and everything? And I just want to know what to do to prove to him that I'm not.

1:27:42 Adam Well, you see, he's thinking like a guy, which is, if you were locked up for for eight months, what would he be doing?

1:27:49 Caller But shouldn't he know I'm a faithful wise man and he's everything to me?

1:27:53 Adam Yeah, but he you know, yeah, but he's he's kind of a jerk, right?

1:27:57 Caller No, he's not a jerk. He treats me like I'm his queen.

1:27:59 Drew He's 21.

1:28:00 Adam Yeah. But, you know, let me tell you some of the guys who treat them like they were their queen. They also like a beat on them, too. I don't trust the guy who does that. I treat my woman like a queen. Because the same guys are beating them.

1:28:13 Caller Yeah, but mine don't.

1:28:14 Drew It's also not respectful to insist that you must be doing things.

1:28:19 Caller You what?

1:28:20 Drew It's not very respectful to not believe you and not trust you.

1:28:25 Caller No, he does trust me. Just like what he said that it's a typical guy who's gonna...

1:28:31 Drew He does trust you, but he doesn't trust you.

1:28:33 Caller He does trust me.

1:28:34 Drew Well, then why are we having this conversation? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We have this conversation, then. Forget it. We don't need to have this conversation. He trusts you, then that's it. It's over.

1:28:41 Adam Damn, he trusts you.

1:28:42 Drew He trusts you. It's fine.

1:28:42 Caller No, because he...

1:28:43 Drew He trusts you.

1:28:46 Caller He does.

1:28:47 Drew Oh, no.

1:28:47 Caller He still...

1:28:48 Drew No.

1:28:48 Caller Okay, then maybe he doesn't.

1:28:49 Drew He doesn't. Of course he doesn't.

1:28:51 Adam Has he ever hit you?

1:28:52 Caller No.

1:28:52 Drew Never.

1:28:53 Adam All right.

1:28:53 Caller Never?

1:28:55 Drew Never?

1:28:56 Caller No.

1:28:56 Adam Never?

1:28:57 Caller No.

1:28:57 Adam Never?

1:28:58 Caller Uh-uh.

1:28:59 Adam Okay. Listen.

1:29:00 Drew Why don't we believe her on that one?

1:29:01 Adam I don't know why I don't believe you, but listen. Here's the deal, Kim. He's thinking like a guy and you can do it, right? You got four months. You can do that stand on your head, right?

1:29:11 Caller Yeah.

1:29:12 Adam All right.

1:29:12 Drew You don't treat the queen with disrespect.

1:29:14 Caller Yeah.

1:29:14 Adam Why does he not believe the queen?

1:29:17 Caller I don't know because he's a typical guy like you said.

1:29:20 Drew Right.

1:29:20 Adam Right. He's starting to... I hope he's not the guy I'm thinking about. I hope he's as good as you say he is. He really is. All right. Well, then no worries. He'll believe you. He trusts you. He respects you. You are the queen.

1:29:33 Drew And that's it.

1:29:34 Adam You tell him you love him very much. You're dedicated to him. And you don't plan on doing anything.

1:29:38 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:29:41 Adam Done. I know this sounds like the most retarded thing in the world, but here's the deal. Here's the deal with guys and their women. See, guys who do that whole queen thing, they got a huge... There's a big swing.

1:29:56 Drew What's idealizing? When you idealize, you de-idealize.

1:29:59 Adam The guys who treat them super crazy good are the guys... Listen, you ever hear Tommy Lee...

1:30:06 Drew Yeah, talk about his wife.

1:30:08 Adam Hell, baby. Baby, you are so hot. Baby, I love you so much. Baby, you're everything in the world.

1:30:12 Drew Yeah.

1:30:12 Adam And then you smack them.

1:30:14 Drew Yeah.

1:30:14 Adam Not me. I run right down the middle. No highs, no lows.

1:30:19 Drew No pulse.

1:30:20 Adam Yeah, what do I look like? Yeah, all right. On their hand, you could have sex with one of my friends and crash my car. All right. No highs, no lows. That's right. You throw out the high, you throw out the low score, you're right in the middle there with the Russian judges. And where are we?

1:30:39 Drew That's so frustrating to do with somebody that's in that level of denial.

1:30:41 Adam Thou who cares. It's so frustrating. Just don't have any kids. That's all I care about. Ryan?

1:30:46 Caller Yeah.

1:30:47 Adam You're 23.

1:30:48 Caller Yes, sir.

1:30:49 Adam What's up?

1:30:51 Caller I got this, I guess, lunatic girlfriend.

1:30:54 Caller I'm not for sure.

1:30:55 Caller I don't know. She, we was drinking and stuff one night, and we passed out, and I thought, you know, everything was fine, and wake up, tied up, and she's got a cigarette, and she's burnt me twice with it. And she had told me that she had heard from her mother and her brother that I was going to leave her. Well, I take and go down and go talk to her brother and stuff to let them know what happened, and they laughed at me about it. They don't believe that she really did this.

1:31:28 Adam Oh, man, with the S-word, Ryan. Jesus Christ, Anderson hates that because he has to move.

1:31:36 Caller Sorry about that.

1:31:37 Adam Yeah.

1:31:38 Caller I have no clue what to do. If I should get her straight in the water or...

1:31:42 Adam How is it she was able to tie you up while you were asleep?

1:31:44 Caller We drank a lot of Jim Beam.

1:31:46 Adam And you passed out that hard that she was able to tie you up?

1:31:50 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:31:51 Drew And what made her let you go?

1:31:53 Caller Huh?

1:31:53 Drew How did you get out of that?

1:31:55 Caller I pleaded with her and told her, you know, I wasn't leaving her and stuff.

1:31:59 Drew And now you're going to leave her? No?

1:32:03 Caller I don't know if I should or not. I don't know if it's safe or what.

1:32:05 Adam Well, maybe she made him sign something with his mouth while he was tied up.

1:32:09 Drew With his tongue?

1:32:10 Caller Nothing like that.

1:32:11 Adam Ryan, really, what did she tie you up with?

1:32:14 Caller Huh?

1:32:14 Adam What did she tie you up with?

1:32:15 Caller Belts and stuff. She had me tied up.

1:32:18 Adam With belts?

1:32:19 Caller Yeah.

1:32:21 Caller Like she had it planned out or something. I mean, she had it pretty well, you know.

1:32:25 Adam I would think some piece of work to be able to go down so hard that she's a woman's able to tie you up.

1:32:30 Caller Oh, yeah. I was moved around.

1:32:32 Drew I would think you'd want to get out of this, get away from this person as quickly as possible and set down the force of law that she doesn't get at you anymore.

1:32:39 Adam Is she a big gal?

1:32:40 Caller I don't know. She's only 5'2.

1:32:42 Adam Yeah, but she goes about 195?

1:32:45 Caller About 120.

1:32:46 Adam How was she able to move you around?

1:32:49 Caller I don't know. I'm about 205, 210. Wow.

1:32:51 Adam She's got the strength of a hundred junkies.

1:32:57 Drew On PCP.

1:32:58 Adam On PCP.

1:32:59 Caller All right.

1:33:00 Adam Hey, Ryan? Yeah, maybe, you know, here's the whole thing. When you're getting tied up with belts and burnt with cigarettes, that's a sign that the relationship may have run its course.

1:33:11 Caller Yeah, but I was wondering if there's maybe something in our life that made her, you know, kind of...

1:33:15 Drew Undoubtedly, there is, but...

1:33:17 Adam Yes, there is, but you know what? You ain't ever going to fix it.

1:33:21 Caller Okay.

1:33:21 Adam Now, put it this way. You know what this is like? It's like somebody drops a car off to you, Drew, and says, you know, there's a couple of things wrong with this car. It's a great car and I'll give it to you cheap and you can drive it. But here's the problem is you got no tools and you don't know what you're doing. You've never worked on a car a day in your life and, yeah, with some fixing up, it could be a damn reliable automobile. But you know what? You can't do it. You don't know what you're doing and therefore it's just going to sit in your driveway. I mean, you might as well just get someone to push it while you're driving.

1:33:57 Drew It's going to push it while you're driving it.

1:33:58 Adam That's right. It ain't going to work. We'll take a little break. Why don't we come back? What do you want, Anderson?

1:34:04 Drew What's this a day for?

1:34:06 Adam Oh, okay. We come back with a lightning round?

1:34:08 Drew Yeah, and then the lightning round. First take this one before the lightning round. I see.

1:34:11 Adam Is that the lightning round we get to after this? Yeah. Really?

1:34:15 Drew Adriana? Yeah. Hi, what's going on?

1:34:17 Caller Hi.

1:34:18 Caller Okay. I have like my niece that lives with me. I went to go kiss her good night and she told me that, and she tried to stick her tongue down my, like she tried to stick her tongue in my mouth. And I said, where'd you learn that? And she said, oh, Sophie did it to me. And that's my really good friend who like comes over to the house a lot and stuff. And she like sometimes gives her a bath cause my niece is only like three. I mean, like, is it common for kids to like, like lie about that stuff before I confront my friend about it or something?

1:34:50 Drew No, the kids have to learn this stuff somewhere.

1:34:55 Adam You sure she wasn't saying soapy? She did take that back.

1:34:59 Caller Well, I don't know who soapy would have been then. I see.

1:35:02 Drew Here's the deal. You don't let your friend be with the child unsupervised, period.

1:35:07 Adam Friends don't make out with friends' three-year-old nieces. You ever see that PSA?

1:35:13 Caller No, I, okay.

1:35:15 Drew You need to help this child if you see any more sort of sexualized behaviors. You get somebody to take a look at the kid if that happens.

1:35:22 Adam Yeah, and what's up with soapy?

1:35:25 Caller I don't know.

1:35:26 Adam Is her family a little chaotic?

1:35:29 Caller Not really, no. Not really.

1:35:32 Drew Who knows?

1:35:33 Caller Can I ask another question really quick?

1:35:34 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:35:36 Caller I was wondering, like, what are the causes that you can get? Because I don't, like, I'm not sure if I have a bladder infection. Like, it hurts when I pee, you know?

1:35:45 Drew It's probably a bladder infection. Yeah.

1:35:47 Caller Well, okay. But what can be the causes of that? Like, is there anything besides, like, sex?

1:35:52 Drew Yeah, I mean, just, you can just get them. They're common.

1:35:55 Adam Well, thinking dirty thoughts will do it, too. You think about filthy, filthy things.

1:36:00 Caller No.

1:36:00 Drew Wiping the wrong direction.

1:36:02 Adam Yes.

1:36:02 Drew From back to front, as opposed to front to back.

1:36:05 Caller Oh, okay. Well, um. Oh, really?

1:36:07 Drew Uh-huh.

1:36:07 Adam That's my angle.

1:36:09 Drew I understand. But you don't have a, you don't have a vagina.

1:36:12 Adam Oh, how dare you, sir.

1:36:14 Drew I know your penis is close to the surface. Yes. But it doesn't, you don't actually drag the paper across it. I don't think.

1:36:19 Adam So, as a woman, you gotta, you gotta, like, brush down.

1:36:22 Caller Brush back. Brush back. Yeah.

1:36:24 Adam Well, it is kind of down, too, right? It's not up.

1:36:27 Caller Not really.

1:36:28 Drew Away, away from the, from the equipment.

1:36:30 Adam Yeah, but it's, it's, it'd be down, wouldn't it? If you're sitting on the toilet.

1:36:35 Drew Away.

1:36:35 Caller Oh yeah, down, sorry.

1:36:37 Adam Hold on a second. Drew, you're sitting on the toilet.

1:36:41 Drew Away. It's this way.

1:36:43 Adam Oh, oh, well, I, I thought you're talking about, uh.

1:36:46 Drew Number two and one.

1:36:47 Adam I thought you were talking about number one.

1:36:48 Drew No, number two is where you drag the bacteria forward.

1:36:51 Caller Yeah, right.

1:36:51 Adam Ooh, well, that's bad times.

1:36:53 Drew See, and I was talking about your number two driving across your urethra right there at the surface.

1:36:56 Caller Right, right.

1:36:57 Adam I see, I see. I feel that subtle jam. So you're saying it's unhealthy to pack your vagina with fecal matter?

1:37:06 Caller Exactly. Hmm.

1:37:08 Adam Noted.

1:37:09 Drew Precisely.

1:37:09 Adam And women, though, they wipe, right, when they go number one?

1:37:13 Drew Yeah.

1:37:14 Adam That's why I wouldn't make a good woman, because I barely wipe for number two.

1:37:17 Caller Yeah.

1:37:18 Adam Do they wipe or do they blot?

1:37:21 Drew Well.

1:37:21 Adam Do you know what I'm saying? Let me ask real quick. Hey, Adriana, when you go number one, do you give a little dab down there with some toilet paper?

1:37:32 Caller Yeah.

1:37:33 Caller Yeah. Like.

1:37:34 Adam Do blot?

1:37:35 Caller No. More like a wipe.

1:37:37 Adam More of a wipe. What are you getting off of that?

1:37:41 Drew Wet.

1:37:42 Adam With women, urinate, does the urine, you know, is it?

1:37:45 Drew A little spray.

1:37:46 Caller It is.

1:37:47 Drew A little wipe is right here.

1:37:48 Adam Oh, man. That's bad times. So, I mean, it's like a, you know, it's like, you know what it is?

1:37:54 Caller Back to the cars.

1:37:55 Adam You know when a car has an oil leak? The car has a leak in oil. You don't know. You don't know where it's coming from because the thing is, it's coming from the oil filter, but it's following the block all the way down, down to the edge of the pan, up to the cross, remember? And it's falling off. Yeah, that's it. Strut tower. Right. It started over here. It falls off over there.

1:38:14 Drew That's fluid dynamics.

1:38:16 Adam Yes. Right. It'll defy gravity often times.

1:38:19 Drew Because the tension, the service tension flings it to the surface.

1:38:22 Adam Why didn't God make the woman's urethra longer so that they could make it out of the vagina to pee instead of peeing all over themself?

1:38:30 Drew It must not have been an important evolutionary feature.

1:38:32 Adam So this is like a guy just like peeing on his balls. Isn't that what it would be?

1:38:39 Drew On his legs, yeah.

1:38:40 Adam Be like you just whizzing all over your nuts in your leg and then mopping up every time.

1:38:45 Drew Like putting the thumb over the tip of your urethra.

1:38:47 Adam No wonder it's such a mess down there. Yeah. I now have sympathy for them.

1:38:52 Drew Good.

1:38:53 Adam Okay.

1:38:54 Caller We'll take a little break.

1:38:54 Adam We'll be back for the lightning round.

1:39:58 Caller What time is it? Check that real fast. It is 11.45, and 35 seconds. That is 10 minutes and 25 seconds away from the top of the hour, straight up to the top. And you're smack dabbing in the middle. Let's have the fools, let's see if we can talk to you there. And we'll speak to John Lyon, number one, live and nationwide. John in 23, what's the rock? Yeah, how you guys doing? John says, this is junkie. Get that junkie. See me now. You can eat it with a fork, but enjoy a bit of his... Hey, John, let me check time real fast. It's 11.50 in 20 seconds. Wait, it's not the average.

1:40:47 Drew Where's that David on a grill song?

1:40:48 Caller John, what's going on?

1:40:48 Drew Is there a David on a grill song about this material?

1:40:50 Caller Johnny? Yeah. Yeah, junkie, see him? Yeah.

1:40:54 Caller I've got a little skit there, a little skit there, skitty skitty skitty everywhere, everybody, everybody skits, skits.

1:41:03 Caller That's how you do your three sums of me.

1:41:05 Adam Woo! Yeah, that's Johnny Seaman.

1:41:08 Caller Johnny?

1:41:08 Caller Yeah.

1:41:09 Caller What's up with that, brother?

1:41:10 Caller What's happening?

1:41:10 Caller You're Johnny H's man. What's wrong with that?

1:41:13 Caller I got a question.

1:41:14 Caller Johnny Seaman. Go ahead. Drew, what caused that, Johnny Seaman?

1:41:17 Caller Yeah, what would cause that?

1:41:18 Caller Is that something I need to be worried about?

1:41:21 Caller You're fine with a cannonball around your belly every once in a while. Yeah, but what is that, eating too much cornstarch? What's going on with that? How come it comes out chunky? Well, sometimes it's just drips out.

1:41:33 Drew That's normal.

1:41:33 Caller No, but Jack Diamond, it's 11.51, and by the way, I'd like to talk about another man, Seaman, I mean, gay, one of those guys, you know what I'm saying? I don't fag all over myself, you know what I'm saying? I hire me just to do it for me. It's 11.51 and that's eight minutes and 35 seconds. Way up in the air, straight up, straight down in the light, I mean, he's a good old guy, and I grew up live and nationwide, and I love life. He's a fattest, grown out, already showing the country. Let's have one of those other rich. Rich? Yeah. Rich, by the way, we're number one, Armatron rated, and very crucial, 14 to 37. Yeah, Rich? Yeah, 23 years old. What's up with that, buddy?

1:42:18 Caller What's up, buddy?

1:42:20 Caller How you guys doing tonight? What's up?

1:42:22 Drew What's the question? Right on.

1:42:24 Caller I said something about Rich. I felt any better? Law wouldn't allow it. Yeah, all right, buddy. Yeah.

1:42:31 Caller Hey, my girlfriend and I have kind of a thing going on, kind of a question for you. We got a bet going on. She just started this whole radiology school kind of thing, right? And she's learning about all these new diseases and stuff like that. And she learned that hepatitis, she said that hepatitis B can be transferred through saliva. And I'm telling her that no, that's impossible, ain't gonna happen. She said somebody that drinks off a glass has hepatitis B, can give it to somebody else if they drink from the same glass.

1:43:00 Drew Well, hepatitis A can definitely be transferred that way, but B not typically, but it is a very infectious disease.

1:43:07 Caller Maybe she just has bad grammar, maybe she's going hepatitis B transferred through glasses. I'm Ace Rockolla, and I love hepatitis. Hepatitis C cannot be transferred that way, and B usually requires some kind of intimate contact. People are bringing other people alive, And 18 years old, I just grow an aloe vera, it was number one, I was trying to write it. You're 18 years old, you haven't had an orgasm before. Yeah. Yeah, what's up with that? I'll give you an orgasm. I'll let you borrow one of mine. Give it to you in a baggie.

1:43:52 Drew What's the question? We got a few seconds.

1:43:54 Caller Well, my boyfriend and I have been having sex, and I haven't had an orgasm yet, and we were kind of wondering what we were doing wrong.

1:44:01 Caller He needs to pour a little Orooski on you. You know what I'm saying? Get down there and do a little blizzard with the dog. Give it a little lamb in it.

1:44:08 Caller We've done that.

1:44:09 Caller It could be a little lap dance. You know what I'm saying?

1:44:11 Drew You need to start masturbating to figure out what works.

1:44:13 Caller You better figure out what's up with that, and then he is down there.

1:44:15 Drew You're probably not going to have orgasm during sex.

1:44:17 Caller No, no, it ain't going to work. Oh, God knows. Oh, Lord knows. Oh, no way. I'm going to tell you what time it is. It is 11 to 3, 55 seconds. That is five minutes and four to six minutes, five seconds away from the top. We're going to take some phone calls. We're going to be back. We're going to do a little break there. A little stage identification. We're going to do a little break. We're going to keep a rock. We're going to keep a roll. Are we going on to the break, or done, or six minutes, whatever comes up right after this? Yeah.

1:45:21 Adam All right, there you have it. Tomorrow night, we're doing the best show of the year.

1:45:26 Drew The last show of the year? No, no. Yeah. The last show.

1:45:29 Adam The best. So until next time, Sam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:45:33 Drew Can we get high?

1:45:34 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, December 20, 2000