Episode 1000754887062

2:58 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

3:10 Adam Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there, wherever over there is. Drew, where's over there?

3:17 Drew Houston.

3:19 Adam Yeah. Somebody dropped a nickel in Texas, everybody. And you know, Adam, you're getting, you're actually becoming predictable.

3:27 You know what I mean?

3:28 Drew Can you be a little more creative for a change?

3:29 Adam Somebody dropped a quarter in Houston, everybody. And Drew got on the next plane. Phone number for Loveline. 1-800-LLVE-191. Facts number 3108-5444-55. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist and tonight we have a half of Vertical Horizon. Ed Toth and Keith Kane are both here. Vertical Horizon was in here, I'm going to go eight months ago.

3:54 Vertical Horizon Yeah, that's probably right. Am I right?

3:56 Yeah, I think so.

3:57 Adam And the band, although the band was doing quite nicely before they came in here, they've been keeping it up, I guess you could say. Since then, you guys been busy touring all over the place?

4:08 Pretty much, yeah. Nonstop, mostly Europe and US touring.

4:13 Adam Oh, boy. Can you enjoy it? I've never been to Europe.

4:18 Yeah, you can enjoy it.

4:19 Adam Sure, you can, because I mean, I don't want to offend any of the other bands we have on this show, but Drew, you tell me if you agree with this statement.

4:28 All right.

4:29 Adam A lot of the bands we have on this show have been to Europe a hundred times and all they can do is complain about the food.

4:35 Yeah, right.

4:36 Adam I mean, we've talked to those guys. You have no McDonald's there. Sucked. Right.

4:40 Vertical Horizon See, I have to do- Prima Donnas. But it seems-

4:43 Adam You guys seem to be a little more intelligent than the average band, at least the average band we get in here.

4:47 Drew But they also go from country to country, like in the course of about a day, and they really have no opportunity to see the country or even get a sense of where they are.

4:55 Vertical Horizon That's a little bit of a drag. Sometimes you're there for, I mean, we were in Paris for what? We got dropped off at the Eiffel Tower and they're like, okay, you got 15 minutes. And then we had to go do radio. But on the other hand, we spent three days in Germany and three days in Amsterdam with one day of work. So, yeah, you kind of trade off here and there.

5:14 Adam But is it, when you do radio in a place like France or Paris and you do in Germany or something like that, how do you do that?

5:23 Vertical Horizon Well, a lot of people speak English, and then some of the other places is like the UN. You sit there with an earpiece and they translate into your ear and we did a TV show that was all in German. But we spoke in English and they translated for the studio audience and we had those little ear things. It was kind of cool.

5:38 Adam And that seems to translate fine. I mean, it works fine. The audience doesn't...

5:43 They could be calling us tools and we would never know it, you know?

5:45 Vertical Horizon Maybe that's why they laugh so much.

5:46 We hope to think that they're translating it well.

5:49 Adam So is the nonstop touring and world travel gotten to you yet or are you still able to enjoy your success?

5:56 Vertical Horizon No, I mean, we do it pretty sanely. We took a little bit of control when we started. We were independents for a long time so we already had a routine of sort of six weeks on a week off type kind of thing and we still do that. So we were able to recharge our batteries, keep our feet on the ground and not beat the hell out of each other. So we're doing all right.

6:13 Adam Drew, what the hell are you doing in Houston?

6:16 Drew I was talking to a group of young people and their parents. They called the Young Presidents Organization, YPO.

6:23 Adam Drew, let's just call, when you go on these speaking things, let's call it Dancing for Money now, okay? It's just DM because when you say speaking to people, you were talking to a group of kids, it sounds like some sort of philanthropic endeavors if you just flew out there to have a conversation.

6:40 Drew Seriously, you're reaching at them, but you need something a little more creative.

6:43 I don't know.

6:44 Adam Dancing for Money.

6:45 Isn't Houston supposed to be like the strip joint capital of the country? I mean, Dancing for Money. I mean, it makes sense.

6:50 Adam Interesting, Drew. So you'll be back tomorrow night?

6:53 Drew I sure will.

6:54 Adam All right. Well, Vertical Horizon is here tonight. Who's coming in tomorrow night? Who the hell is that? Oh, David Allen Freer. Good. I can have the night off. He'll carry the show. Vertical Horizon, by the way, is going to be in Tacoma and Pullman, Washington, I guess, this Wednesday and Thursday, Portland, Oregon, Friday, Saturday, Palo Alto, all places we can be heard, right, Drew? Yeah. Friday, they'll be in Pompano Beach. I don't know if we're in Pompano Beach.

7:26 Vertical Horizon You're getting ahead of yourself.

7:27 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. There's a 12 there. There you go.

7:30 You got time to make that happen.

7:31 Adam All right. So I'll give the Florida dates out later. It's in Florida. All right. You ready to go on the phones here, Dr. Drew? Go.

7:37 Drew Go to Nicole. She's 21.

7:38 Adam All right. Nicole.

7:40 Hi.

7:41 Adam Hey, what's up?

7:41 How's everybody doing?

7:42 Drew Good.

7:43 I have a question about the death of a various shot. I know a lot of people are on it, but the past about two months ago, I had a miscarriage. Not necessarily mean to get pregnant, but I did.

7:56 Drew This is when you come off the shot.

7:58 Actually, I've been off of it like June of last year.

8:04 Drew You know that most pregnancies end in miscarriage. You're aware of that?

8:06 Oh, yeah.

8:07 Adam Most?

8:08 It's just kind of a coincidence.

8:10 Drew Most? Yes. Most and before you even know you're pregnant.

8:14 Adam You're saying I could have been knocked up and not known it?

8:16 Drew Many times, Adam.

8:17 Adam Oh, I'm going to have Darryl pull out from now on. Enough. I've had enough.

8:22 Drew I thought it was Rogelio.

8:23 Adam Rogelio has been replaced by Darryl.

8:25 Drew Oh, man.

8:26 Adam Rogelio is... I don't care where he is, quite frankly. Rogelio, if you can hear me, you can go to hell.

8:33 Is he your Italian lover or something?

8:36 Adam He's Portuguese. Thank you.

8:37 Oh, I'm sorry.

8:39 Adam Let's not bring his name up again.

8:40 I hear those Portuguese are pretty good.

8:42 Adam Let's not bring his name up again.

8:46 Drew Nicole?

8:47 Yeah. Well, it was just a coincidence because a friend of mine was on it for about the same amount of time and she just had a miscarriage. She was actually planning it. She was about two and a half months pregnant. And I didn't know if they had done some long-term effects or anything. I know it kind of just throws everything off anyways. But I didn't know if this was going to be a problem in the future.

9:05 Drew No, I know no evidence that it increases pregnancy failure rates.

9:08 Adam How long is that depot shot good for? Three months?

9:10 Drew Three months.

9:11 Yeah. I thought, oh, how cool. I don't want to have to take a little pill every day, you know?

9:15 Drew Yeah, but?

9:16 It screwed me up.

9:17 Why?

9:19 Well, I started having either really bad periods or the energy just stopped.

9:24 Drew That's the way it works. You bleed constantly for three months and then you have no bleeding after that.

9:29 But now my periods are worse. I have just like PMS is a lot worse now than it used to be.

9:35 So that's not good.

9:36 Adam All right. Well, it's not good. But what are you going to do? It's tough being a lady. The whole vagina thing, the menstruation and the hot flashes and the osteoporosis and the cramping and the irritability and the irrational decision making. It's got to be tough. Jonathan?

9:53 Yeah.

9:54 Adam You're 13. What's up?

9:57 Caller Well, last night I was listening.

9:58 Caller You were talking about Minka.

10:00 Caller I was laughing my ass off. Do you have anything more?

10:03 Drew Oh, give me some more Minka.

10:06 Adam Geez, I bowed. The Minka well has run dry. Minka is the number one Asian big boob queen. She's a porn star with amazing size cans. I don't know if Engineer Anderson has those pictures or what happened to them last night. Thrown away. How dare you throw away Minka's image.

10:25 He's fired.

10:26 Adam We're out of here. You understand, yes, you understand in the Asian culture when you throw away a picture, you're throwing away the soul.

10:32 And the souls of her ancestors.

10:34 Adam And the souls of her triple D boobs.

10:36 Drew Are you going to give Jonathan a little Minka or not?

10:38 Adam All right. Jonathan? Yeah. I'll give you one shot of Minka, the number one Asian big boob queen. All right. But you got to play along. Okay. You answer, right? Okay.

10:52 Caller You know why men like me so much? Why? Because I have skinny ass and big boob. I have big boob and I'm skinny and I don't need money. I'm not interested in money. I don't even like money. I laugh at money. I ain't here for money. I'm not here to get rich. You give me $50. $50 now. I don't put compliment in gas tank. I need $50 to run car. I got to put roof over Minka's head and shed over Minka's boobs. All right.

11:23 Adam Everyone loves my Minka.

11:25 Caller I don't even know who she is.

11:26 Adam She's this mean Korean big boob. I mean, you got to see the picture. But Drew, as a doctor, back me up.

11:34 Caller Sick. Sick.

11:36 Adam You've never seen anything like her. When I ran into her in a strip club, she need me in the groin.

11:41 Caller Oh, wow.

11:42 Drew But you paid her to knee with the groin.

11:45 Be fair.

11:46 Adam All right. Well, yes. You make a compelling argument, Drew. And then I paid her to knee Jimmy in the groin, which is extra funny.

11:55 Caller I have knee like stiletto. And boob like dirigible.

12:00 Adam Do you think dirigible is in her language?

12:04 Come on.

12:04 Adam Okay. Jose.

12:06 Yes.

12:07 Adam What's up?

12:08 Hey, man, I've been trying to get through for a long time for you guys.

12:11 Adam That's great.

12:14 I've got a problem with my girlfriend's past. It seems to keep coming up. I mean, not like every day or not even every week, but I'd say probably once a month, something will happen to remind us of something that happened in her past.

12:30 Drew Can you be real specific? Come on, get to it. What happened?

12:33 Okay, one of the things is she had an abortion.

12:36 Drew All right.

12:36 And I find that morally wrong. And I mean, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get past it. I mean, some days it seems like it's something we can leave in the past. And in other days, it's like...

12:52 Drew So wait a second. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So when you say there are things that happened in her past, you're talking about this or is there something else?

12:58 Well, other things too that I don't agree with. But you know... Is it...

13:03 Drew Hang on now. Is it that she's been with other guys?

13:06 No, no, no, no, no, no.

13:07 Drew What is it then?

13:09 Well, you know, it's the abortion. You know, I mean, it happened when we knew each other.

13:16 Adam All right. What else, really? Is there anything else?

13:19 And that, you know, like, she started having sex when she was, like, 11.

13:25 Adam Yeah.

13:25 Drew Well, that's not sex. That's sexual abuse. Well, that's molestation.

13:30 Adam How old was the guy?

13:31 Drew 19.

13:32 She said, she won't be specific, but she said he was about the same age.

13:36 Drew But she, regardless, she was sexually abused. And that's that. So she was the victim of a crime.

13:41 Adam All right. But, Drew, we haven't discussed this in a while. I'm going to put Jose on the hold. Jesus, your line sounds horrible over there, Drew.

13:48 Drew Mine does?

13:48 Adam Yeah. So we're going to do something to correct it. That's snow that's going on.

13:51 Drew Is it Ron sitting over there?

13:52 Adam I'll just slowly go insane. Oh, there it is. Ow. Don't do it. I will go insane. All right.

13:59 Drew What do we do?

14:00 Adam Pot drew down. Would you shut up over there? Now, listen to me. We haven't gotten into this in a while. You guys can identify. When you're young, you got a lot of energy, lots of energy for everything, and most of it bad. It's the same energy you have for getting into fights. It's the same energy you have with investigating your girlfriend's past and then letting it gnaw at you, chip away. It's like a little ear wig that ran up your ass, eating your bowel away, an ass wig, if you will. Ass wig. Now, something happens when you get older and you replace, as you know, Drew, I've stopped producing testosterone and replaced it with estrogen. Yes, yes. Or pet milk. It's one or the other. I think it's that evaporated milk I'm producing now. It's sweet, whatever it's coming out of me.

14:49 Drew It's from all that nipple play you get into.

14:51 Adam I have sensitive nipples, Drew, so shoot me. The point is this. I sympathize with this guy, young, young, what the hell is his name, Jose, who's 23. He's got a lot of, he's got a lot of energy. And I was the exact same way when I was 23. I'd constantly sift through the rubble of whatever girlfriend I had's past. And then at a certain point you just realize, listen, you got your past, I got my past. And here's the deal. It's not for them, it's for you. You're not tormented. Your stomach doesn't hurt. It's not tied up in knots. You can sleep through the night. I don't know how you impress that upon someone though. Do you know what I mean?

15:31 Drew That's kind of what I was going at with Jose. He's looking for trouble.

15:34 Adam Listen, Drew, show me a guy who has a beef with his girlfriend's past that's not looking for trouble. Right. Do you know what I mean?

15:42 Drew That's right.

15:43 Adam Because if she's in love with him and she's faithful to him and she treats him respectfully...

15:48 Drew What the hell difference does it make?

15:48 Adam What the hell difference does it make?

15:50 Drew That's right.

15:50 Adam Now listen, I understand extreme conditions. Oh, she's got 150 porn movies and 145 of your friends own them and the other five are on a waiting list. You know what I mean?

16:00 If it's a moral problem, then you're not going to get past that.

16:03 Adam That I understand, but just... I know he's bringing up the abortion as a moral issue, but I'm guessing it's more a 23-year-old got a little too much blood coursing through the erection.

16:17 Drew That's where I was going. I think it's more that she had sex with somebody, got pregnant, not that she had the abortion so much, even though that's sort of a nice excuse to be pissed off at her. And by the way, she's probably in a different frame of mind now in terms of her feeling about abortion, and that would have been perceived as, it's not like she's hell bent to get more abortions. She had a mistake.

16:36 Adam She could be on an abortion scavenger hunt. You know how it is, women collecting abortions. Some people collect stuffed hippos. Stamps.

16:45 Vertical Horizon Stamps.

16:45 Drew Close your girlfriend.

16:47 Adam Beanie abortions.

16:48 Vertical Horizon Beanie abortions.

16:49 Drew But the question, though, more significantly, though.

16:51 Adam Write that down, Drew, beanie abortion. We're going to make some money here.

16:53 Drew Beanie baby. The imagery is a little rough. But he is with a woman who has a history of sexual abuse and maybe that's too much for him. You know what I'm saying? Maybe there's something in here that he's uncomfortable with that he can't quite figure out.

17:11 Adam I'm going to give Jose the advice I wish someone gave me when I was 23.

17:14 Drew Calm down.

17:14 Adam Which is Jose. Listen to me. You got that Latin blood. You're all hot. I know you're tight. You guys work over at my house. Believe me. You're all hot. You're fired up, you people. Here's what you need to do. You're not going to end up marrying this girl. You're not going to be with her for more than another six months. Just forget about it and enjoy yourself. Just enjoy. Why torment? Enjoy.

17:38 Caller Yeah, you're too young.

17:39 Adam Yeah, you're too young. Just relax.

17:41 Caller Find somebody that you have agreed morally with.

17:46 Adam Or stay with this one, but just whatever it is, make it easy on yourself. You can't do anything about it. I mean, listen, it's really, it's like me worrying about the Korean conflict every night before I go to bed. It's like it's done. It happened. Some people died. I wish we'd won. We're out of it. Let's move on.

18:05 Vertical Horizon I just got over that, Adam. Thanks a lot, man.

18:07 Adam I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring Korea. All right. Drew, you ready to move on here?

18:11 Drew It's all those Minka references.

18:13 Caller It's the Minka, yeah.

18:15 Adam I should sit here. Jacob?

18:16 Yeah.

18:18 Adam You're 16. What's up?

18:20 Caller Yeah. Last Saturday, I took two hits of Ecstasy, and I'm feeling really depressed. I mean, it's been bad for the past couple of days.

18:29 Drew Do you have a history of depression prior to that?

18:31 Caller No.

18:32 Drew Well, one of the things we know about Ecstasy is that it can cause depression, permanent depression, lifelong depression. It destroys the cells in the limbic center of the brain. It's now very well documented on PET scans.

18:43 Adam All right. But you've got to do a lot of it.

18:45 Drew Well, no, you don't. No, you don't. But two hits usually doesn't do it. Have you done it before? Yeah. Yeah. See, it's usually like 10 to 20 hits, and then you're in.

18:53 Adam No.

18:54 Drew Yes.

18:55 Adam Everyone I know has done more than 20.

18:57 Drew Well, guess what?

18:58 Adam Oh, shut up.

18:59 Drew Well, no, I'm being serious.

19:01 Adam I know. But you're trying to scare the kids. You don't know what you're talking about.

19:04 Drew I know what I'm talking about. What are you talking about?

19:07 Adam No, you don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about, talking about.

19:11 Vertical Horizon What the hell are you guys talking about?

19:13 Adam I don't know what you're talking about.

19:14 Drew There is a sort of a hangover depression that comes from ecstasy, but this could be kind of a permanent thing. If you start getting a lot of anxiety or panic, I do suggest you see a doctor that's used to dealing with people that have the consequences from ecstasy use.

19:26 Caller Okay.

19:26 Drew A psychiatrist or addiction medicine doctor.

19:28 Caller Also, my friend told me if I take like this stuff called 5-HTP, it'll make it go away or something.

19:34 Drew Well, it won't, but that's trying to raise the serotonin levels, which is what antidepressant medicine does, and that will work, antidepressant medicine will.

19:42 Adam But listen, Jacob, what are you, 16?

19:44 Caller Yeah.

19:44 Adam How about you give your brain a little rest?

19:46 Caller But it's fun. All right.

19:48 Drew Yeah, but you want to feel like this the rest of your life, and you feel right now? Is that worth it? Even if this one is just a hangover one, I promise you, you'll get to a state very soon that you'll stay like this permanently. Wouldn't that be cool?

20:01 Adam All right.

20:02 Caller Listen to the Allman Brothers or go to Disney World or something.

20:05 Adam Just relax, Jacob. For Christ's sake, you need your brain. Believe me, you do. I didn't think you did, but apparently you do.

20:12 Caller Get off.

20:13 Adam Brody? Hello? Yes, you're 21.

20:16 Caller Yes.

20:17 Adam Vertical Horizon is our guest tonight, by the way.

20:19 Hey, Brody.

20:19 Vertical Horizon What's going on? What's going on, Brody?

20:21 Nothing much, man. I'm just, I'm kicking it here and I got a huge problem. It's my nut sack. I can pull it to about a square foot.

20:31 Drew Oh, my God. Mr. Elastic Scrotum.

20:34 Rex Cabo.

20:36 Adam Mr. Elastic Scrotum. I've rented that porn once.

20:40 Drew It's his son. It's his son.

20:42 Adam Ron Jeremy was, or maybe it was Randy West. One of the big porn vets was explaining to me about Rex Cabo, Mr. Elastic Scrotum. There's a guy who could take his scrotum sack and basically pull it over his head, or at least get close to it.

20:59 Wow.

21:00 Drew Well, there's something really called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and various kinds of these connective tissue disorders where people, you ever heard of the, like remember the circuses, they used to have rubber man?

21:11 Adam Right.

21:12 Drew That's what this is, basically. There's different versions of it. It can be just mild. It can be very severe. But I wonder if you have any, did you have any kinds of eye problems when you were growing up, like lens dislocations, anything like that?

21:23 No, no, I've been fine.

21:25 Adam Is it only your scrotum?

21:27 It's just my scrotum.

21:28 Drew And we're just, we're talking about the skin, not the testes, right?

21:31 Yeah, just the skin.

21:32 Drew Right. It's not like you have giant testicles.

21:35 No. What's Elephantiasis? Is that it?

21:37 Drew Elephantiasis is these worms that crawl in through your feet called Ruchiraria bancrofti, if I remember right. And they lodge in the lymphatics that drain your testes. And so all the lymph just accumulates in the testes, make them big.

21:52 Adam Are you a real doctor or just a loved doctor?

21:55 Caller A witch doctor.

21:58 Adam You got to step in elephant crap though to get it.

22:00 Drew No. You got to walk barefoot through Africa basically.

22:03 Yeah.

22:03 Adam Well, Africa is basically a six-inch layer of crap on it, as everyone knows. Okay. Brody, seriously, one square foot.

22:11 I'm serious.

22:12 Adam One square foot, 12 inches by 12 inches.

22:15 Yeah. What I do is I, you know, for jokes, sometimes I...

22:17 Adam Like a flying squirrel.

22:19 I write like, yeah, that's what people call me. They call me the flying squirrel. And I write happy birthday messages on it and like make Christmas cards out of it and stuff.

22:28 Drew What, and then hold it up like a big sign?

22:30 Does he serve tea with it?

22:31 Adam He does not. Yeah. Do you use it as a potholder?

22:35 Sometimes, but I usually have a potholder.

22:36 Drew Does it carry laundry, carry laundry downstairs in it?

22:39 Caller Does it look normal if you're not stretching it?

22:42 Kind of.

22:43 Caller Because I would just say don't stretch it, you know?

22:46 Adam Yeah.

22:47 Drew I would say get seen to make sure you don't have a real Ailer's Dan loss because that can have some problems associated with it.

22:52 Adam Well, like I said, Drew, and I don't remember what your answer was, but can that just be localized, just one area has that? Or wouldn't your whole body have that?

23:01 Drew Yeah, but in certain versions of it, but you only see it in areas where there's sort of extra soft tissue, extra skin.

23:07 Adam Right.

23:08 Drew Like, can you also, like if you pinched your, Brody, if you pinched your forearm, can you pull up a big piece of skin there? You know, I mean, you know, if you pinched the skin over your forearm, can you pull, is it real elastic there? Can you pull up a big pinch of skin?

23:22 Adam No.

23:23 Drew No, okay.

23:24 Adam No. Well, there you go. I mean, he's Rex Cabo, Mr. Elastic Scrotum, the second. I wonder if he has any kids.

23:33 Drew Junior, I beg your pardon.

23:34 Adam Junior, yes. Do you have to name your kids? Like if you're a porn star, you're like Ron Jeremy or Peter North or something. Would you be Peter North Senior and Junior? I mean, the third. I'm going to have to look into that.

23:47 Vertical Horizon That could be interesting.

23:48 Adam All right. Drew, where are we heading?

23:51 Drew I thought we were heading to break.

23:52 Adam Oh, we are?

23:53 Drew Yeah.

23:53 Adam Fantabulous. Ed and Keith are both here from Vertical Horizon. We'll hear something off the CD. Drew is over there in Houston checking between the sofa pillows. And we'll be back after this.

24:09 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

24:26 Adam Yes, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew coming to us tonight from Houston. Ed and Keith are both here from Vertical Horizon. We're going to hear a little cut off the CD real soon. And like I said, the band is going to be in the Oregon area coming up here for all our or, oh, I'm sorry, Washington area for all our Washington listeners. And then in Oregon coming up the next couple of days. So keep an eye open for the newspaper and all that stuff. All right, Drew, you over there?

24:59 Drew Yeah, it's weird. People broadcast at other radio stations from here, like doing news and traffic and stuff. I was just walking to go get coffee and all these traffic reports going on.

25:07 Adam Yeah.

25:07 Caller Wow!

25:08 Drew Yeah, but it's weird. I mean, we're actually talking on radio. They're like pretending.

25:13 Caller I don't know.

25:13 Drew It's very strange.

25:14 Adam What are you talking about, Drew?

25:15 Drew It doesn't seem like real radio somehow.

25:17 Adam No, I think they're just kind of killing time and yamping at you. I really, I don't think people that deliver, I was yelling about this the other night. How many traffic reports have you heard in your life?

25:28 Drew Do you want me to get one of these people in here?

25:30 Adam No.

25:30 Drew No.

25:31 Adam Okay, you can if you like. I don't want to talk to the traffic guy. I don't blame them. I blame the general manager of the station. But I said to Drew, how many traffic reports have you heard in your life? It made a difference. The answer was, no, no. How many have you heard in your life? The answer? Four billion. Four billion. Yeah. Okay. How many have you actually utilized? How many have actually made a meaningful impact in your life?

25:55 Caller Zero.

25:56 Adam Yeah. I said two. Just because I figured I couldn't remember the two that did. And then I thought, geez, when my whole life is hallowed, I will have had several weeks nonstop when it's all added up of listening to traffic reports mostly from my house.

26:13 Caller You know what I mean? And just about places.

26:15 Adam Well, if you're heading on the 16, the Pomona, if you're in the Claremont area and I'm thinking, no, I'm not there.

26:21 Caller I don't even know where that is. I'm not even going there.

26:24 Adam I don't know people live in the Claremont area, but don't worry. They're going to tell me what's going on in the Claremont area. And then I realized, do they need to give it out every eight minutes? Is it that important? And I thought, now they're just killing time. You know what it is? You know, so much of this life and especially radio, radio, radio is, you know, the parsley by the side of the plate that you've never eaten. There are so many of those little accoutrements in radio that are just there because that, they were there and god damn it, they're going to stay there. It's all these guys that are doing that, you know, at morning show, they go, well, it's 722, it's 38 away from the top of the app. You know, all this kind of like where they do the math.

27:07 Caller 722, fine. How about, no more. I've done the math. No more information. I know exactly where I am. 722, as if there's some confusion.

27:15 Adam 722, is that what you mean exactly? I'm not sure if I'm late or early for work, 38 from 8, okay. Now I better shift gears because I'm running late.

27:29 Caller Yeah, it's like, is there a clock that does that math?

27:32 Adam I mean, when you wake up in the morning, you look at your clock alarm, does it say 710, 50 minutes away from the top of the hour or can you just go ahead and do that math yourself?

27:44 Caller I'm pretty good at that.

27:45 Vertical Horizon It comes up on the screen now. So all they have to do is read it.

27:48 Adam That's right.

27:49 Vertical Horizon So we waste screen time as well as air time.

27:51 Adam We'll not do that.

27:52 Drew Here now is Jackie.

27:53 Vertical Horizon She's 28.

27:53 Adam Jackie?

27:54 Caller Hi.

27:55 Vertical Horizon Hi, Jackie.

27:56 Adam She's 28.

27:57 Caller Okay, I called the last time Vertical Horizon was on. I'm going to try and be more calm this time. I was very excited the last time you guys were on in January.

28:05 Caller As are we, Jackie.

28:06 Caller You guys just make me so happy.

28:08 Caller I have like endorphins going through my body when I listen to you.

28:11 Vertical Horizon I hope that Ecstasy guy is still listening. Hey, buy the record, dude. Depression will go away.

28:16 Caller I have to express to people that they need to have all of your albums and not just listen to the songs on the radio. They don't understand.

28:23 Vertical Horizon Well, thank you.

28:24 Caller But I saw you guys at the House of Blues and it was very good. I'm glad that VH1 adopted you. I was going to go to your show with Third Eye Blind, was it? As a Greek in LA. I was on vacation and, Adam, I know you can appreciate this. I saw many women holding the signs in the construction parts of the national parks.

28:47 Adam Oh, really?

28:48 Yeah.

28:49 Drew Slow and stop signs?

28:50 Caller I thought of you every time I drove by and all the guys were working and the women were holding signs.

28:55 Adam Yeah. It's always great. The federal law mandates, we have to hire X amount of women to work in the construction field. So it's like, here honey, honey, you forgot your vest. No, no, goes on the other way. Put the open part goes in the front. There you go. Now you stand there and hold this sign. Now one, it doesn't say the same thing on both sides. One says stop, the other says slow. Are you ready? You got it? All right. Here's your walk talking. Now stand there for 10 hours. People pay you 22.50 an hour in full benefit. You're now a construction worker.

29:24 Caller Flip the sign over and wave every once in a while.

29:27 Adam That's right.

29:28 Caller It just made me smile. I thought of you every time.

29:30 Adam Yeah. It just, I don't know.

29:31 Drew Okay. What is your question?

29:34 Caller Well, I just, were you guys going to be making any more videos in LA or anything like that? I missed the You're a God videotaping because I live in the Vortex. I know Adam and Dr. Drew know what I'm talking about, but in Santa Barbara.

29:48 Vertical Horizon Yeah. There'll be a single coming up after the New Year.

29:50 Drew What else are you talking about?

29:51 Vertical Horizon A new single from the record and a new video.

29:55 Caller Okay. Well, whenever someone says I'm calling from Santa Barbara, you guys call it the Vortex because when people go there-

30:00 Drew Oh, oh, and never go home.

30:01 Vertical Horizon They'll disappear.

30:02 Adam Yeah. I don't mean that in a devil's triangle kind of way. I mean, it's nice.

30:06 Drew Best possible way.

30:07 Adam Every friend I had that left North Hollywood to attend UCSB has never come home. UCSB is not a bad college. These were people that were getting A's and B's in high school. They're like, well, I have four years over at UCSB, and then I'm going to go to Berkeley for my masters, and then it's off to join my dad's law firm or something. And that was 18 years ago. You haven't heard from them since? Well, no. I hear from them once in a while. They want to borrow money. Hey, the head shop's not working out, man. We only sold four pair of Haraches last summer. I'm a little lean. You know, what do you say?

30:45 Caller Because I want you to move back and make some money.

30:47 Adam No way. Well, why not? Well, I ride my skateboard everywhere. It's like, hey, you're 36. That's right. It's a big, it's a wide skateboard. I ride it everywhere. I surf every day before, you know, work. It's this and it's like they've traded. They've traded their life in for a lifestyle. And I can't blame them. I really can't. I can't either.

31:07 Drew All right.

31:07 Adam Hey, Drew.

31:08 Drew Yeah.

31:08 Adam I don't want to talk to Jed because I want to hear your guide from Vertical Horizon because 10 minutes ago was a good segue because Jackie was talking about it.

31:18 Drew Okay.

31:18 Adam All right. So here it is. Your guide. Your God, Vertical Horizon, Everything You Want. You guys are with us tonight, and Drew?

35:03 Drew Hey, I brought a traffic reporter in. Here you go, here's Kelly.

35:06 Adam Let me talk to Kelly. Kelly?

35:09 Yeah.

35:09 Adam Kelly, I know that traffic is your livelihood.

35:13 Yes, it is.

35:14 Adam Every seven and a half minutes, not necessary.

35:19 Yes, it is, so people like me can stay in a job.

35:24 Adam That I believe, but let me tell you something. Your job affects people far less than you'd ever imagine.

35:30 Oh, really?

35:30 Adam Far less. People do not care. As a matter of fact-

35:33 Vertical Horizon Doesn't mean you're not a good person.

35:34 Adam No, it doesn't make you a bad person, although it helps. I resent the whole traffic thing because every time I switch onto a station, they're playing the goddamn traffic. I like to listen to AM, I like listening to talk radio, and talk, it's nothing but traffic.

35:49 Yeah.

35:51 Adam Do you get any fan letters? Does anyone ever ask you, hey, there's a SIG alert, you help me avoid it, God bless you, here's a fruit basket?

36:00 Well, in Houston, we don't have SIG alerts.

36:02 Adam Oh, you don't?

36:03 No, but I get a lot of callers who say, I'm new to Houston, so they say, you said that street name wrong, you need to correct yourself, and I get a lot of corrections.

36:12 Adam Oh, yeah, they're rapidly. But let me ask you something, Kelly.

36:16 Caller Yes.

36:18 Adam When you give a traffic report, see, here's my problem. When I hear the traffic report, it falls into one of three possibilities. Either I'm in my home and my house is not going anywhere, so it's unnecessary.

36:32 Caller Okay.

36:32 Adam Or it's about a part of the country, a part of the city that I've never even heard of, and that I'm not within 50 miles of. Or I am smack dab in the middle of the one you're speaking of, which makes it even worse in a sort of painful, ironic way.

36:49 Caller Right. But there's people traveling all over.

36:51 Adam So those are the three possibilities.

36:53 Caller Those are the only three possibilities.

36:55 Adam It's like, here's what it is. It's those three possibilities with a bizarre remote, less than 1% chance of a fourth possibility, which is I could actually glean some information off of this traffic report that would be useful to my commute.

37:10 Caller So what about news that's going on in other parts of the city? Do you care about that?

37:13 Caller Not other parts of the city, maybe.

37:15 Adam Not what's going on in the Gaza Strip.

37:18 Caller I don't need that either. Certainly not every eight minutes.

37:21 Adam I don't need it every eight minutes.

37:23 Caller We need to update you on all the episodes.

37:25 Caller No, you don't. We don't need. As a matter of fact, it's depressing, especially when you start weaving in the fatalities. Oh, geez.

37:32 Adam I'm sitting in my house. I'm drinking a cup of coffee. It's like, there's been a big rig collided with a moped. I know. There's a fatality. They're meta-packing the guy who was on the moped is being scraped off the fast line.

37:46 Vertical Horizon I'm thinking to myself, that causes a traffic jam. People want to go down and check it out.

37:50 Adam Now, I'm depressed because I'm thinking about the poor son. I'm doing the math with the moped and the big rig.

37:55 Caller Right. The sad part is when nothing is going on, we're like, come on, let's get some accidents so we can have something to talk about.

38:02 Adam Here's my morbid.

38:03 Caller Yeah, yeah, that's sad.

38:05 Adam You sit there and actually will, a highway mortality.

38:09 Caller Well, not a fatality, but just an accident, you know, like a little fender bender. Come on, people.

38:14 Adam All right.

38:15 Caller It always seems like they're always like, this accident brought to you by Sears.

38:20 Adam That's right.

38:20 Caller Every seven minutes, there's like a new sponsor for traffic.

38:23 Brought to you by Westwood One and Trojan, America's number one trustee for over 80 years.

38:29 Caller Yeah, we do traffic in like hemorrhoid cream commercials. You know, it doesn't mix. I don't know.

38:34 Caller Well, if you're stuck in traffic, it does.

38:35 Caller Yeah, from sitting there the whole time.

38:37 Vertical Horizon Yeah, it does mix.

38:38 Adam Here's what Drew suggested, and I couldn't be more on board with this idea. And as you know, if anyone who listens to this show knows, I do not agree with Drew about anything, but I do on this point. Let's just have a traffic station. If you're interested in the traffic, you may tune to that station and find your traffic at any given time during the day. Not even during traffic hours, you know? Two in the morning on a Sunday night, you'd find traffic. The second you tune to that station. Other than that, let's eliminate it from all the other stations.

39:10 Caller Keep the mic open and just...

39:11 Vertical Horizon That would be a great gig at 2 a.m. in the morning. There is nothing happening on the streets. It is 34 till the hour.

39:19 Adam Sounds good.

39:20 Caller I'll make that suggestion.

39:21 Adam Thanks. You're perky, baby.

39:22 Caller All right.

39:24 Adam Do you realize what time... Is there a two-hour time difference over there?

39:27 Caller It's 12.40 here and I work till 6.

39:29 Vertical Horizon It's 20 to the hour, Adam. I know.

39:31 Adam Oh, baby.

39:32 Caller All right.

39:32 Adam Well, I hope there's plenty of highway fatalities.

39:35 Caller Oh, well, thanks. Thanks a lot.

39:36 Adam God bless you.

39:37 Caller All right.

39:37 Adam All right.

39:38 Vertical Horizon Good times.

39:39 Caller Enjoy.

39:41 Adam?

39:41 Adam Really, it really is a waste of time, these traffic reports.

39:44 Drew Adam, I really... I suddenly had great empathy for Kelly, realizing just how one side of your conversations tend to go. Here's how it looks when you're just watching the person at the other end of the conversation with you.

39:54 Caller Yeah. Adam, please.

40:00 Adam Drew, please. How dare you?

40:02 Drew How dare you?

40:03 Adam How dare you critique me on the app? How many times have we had this discussion? If you have a problem with the way I conduct myself on this show, you bring it up during a commercial break.

40:13 Vertical Horizon Has it been discussed, the sexual nature of you guys' relationship?

40:18 Adam No, it hasn't been explored. It's been spelunked. I love Drew.

40:22 Vertical Horizon It's pretty great. It's pretty great.

40:25 Adam I have tied myself off the rope and lowered myself down through a tennis. That's right, with a canary.

40:31 Drew Your penis.

40:33 Adam It's in your ass, Drew. All right, shall we take a little break here, Drew?

40:37 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

40:38 Adam Vertical Horizon is here tonight. We'll take a break. We'll be back after this. Yes, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. He's in Houston tonight. He'll be here tomorrow night with us. Won't you, Drew, in person?

40:55 Drew With David Allen Grier.

40:56 Adam That's right. Ed and Keith are both here from Vertical Horizon. That's David Allen, by the way, doing the vomit sound. He's going to be promoting Dagg, I guess, his new show. All right, you ready to get back to the phones here, Drew?

41:13 Caller Yep.

41:16 Adam Are you punching it up? There you go. Jed?

41:18 Caller Yeah.

41:19 Adam You're 20.

41:20 Caller Yeah.

41:20 Adam What's up?

41:21 Caller I had my scrotum pierced about a month ago and I was getting a lab dance at a local club and one of the strippers got a little wild on me and ripped it out, man. And I got this lump, kind of a cylinder-shaped lump around where...

41:35 Drew Wait, what do you mean she ripped it out? She reached in and tore it or what are you talking about?

41:38 Caller She was just... I don't know what happened. I didn't even feel it. Like, I just, you know, later I was going to the bathroom, I noticed it was missing. And it must have worked its way out or something.

41:48 Adam It was a scrotal piercing.

41:50 Caller Yeah.

41:50 Adam Was it a hoop?

41:52 Caller Yeah.

41:53 Adam Do you...

41:53 Drew What do you do?

41:54 Adam You get near the edge and do a hoop or you do it in the field?

41:58 Caller In the field. It's like down the crease, you know, down the middle crease.

42:02 Drew In the back?

42:03 Caller No, in the front.

42:04 Drew The front, okay.

42:05 Caller Ouch!

42:06 Drew Nice.

42:07 Caller No, it didn't hurt at all.

42:08 Drew In the crease.

42:09 Caller Yeah.

42:10 Adam It's like they were talking hockey. What side of the blue line was it on? All right. So it got ripped out, I'm guessing because her groin was grinding against your groin?

42:23 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

42:25 Adam I see. And do you think the thing just opened up and pulled out or do you think it ripped out?

42:29 I think it just got worked out like the...

42:31 Drew When, madam, tell me the history of stripping in this country, when did strippers start actually touching their...

42:38 Adam Well, let me answer that question. They're not reaching down and giving you a reach around or a handy, they're rubbing their groin or their ass against your groin and that's where the tearage occurs.

42:52 Drew That would be touching, right?

42:54 Adam I don't know. I mean like when you bump into someone in the subway, did they touch you or did they back into you? Do you know what I mean? I mean physically they touched you, but they didn't reach out and touch you. Do you know what I'm saying?

43:06 Drew Yeah, but this is more... It's a purposeful touching, let's put it that way. When did that start? When did the stripper become somebody that somebody sat back and watched at a distance versus somebody that was actually having contact with you?

43:19 Adam When they found out they could make 20 bucks for a half of Van Halen.

43:24 Drew And so, the advent of the ATM is where this all started.

43:27 Adam Listen, I'd like to get ASCAP out to these strip joints because I'm certain that they shorten these songs.

43:33 Caller I think ASCAP is in the strip joints, aren't they?

43:36 Vertical Horizon We knew we made it when we were in New Orleans and we watched a girl dance to You're A God.

43:40 Adam Oh really? Yeah, it really is. I mean, you did know...

43:43 Vertical Horizon It was an extremely touching moment.

43:45 Adam You know you arrived.

43:47 Vertical Horizon There it is, yeah. She was working it, too. Oh, so it's not... And they knew we were there, so it was double the pleasure.

43:55 Drew Jed, what was your question?

43:56 Caller Well, I was just wondering the lump. I didn't know if it was going to go away or...

43:59 Drew Scar, scar, scar, probably not going to go away.

44:01 Caller Scar? You don't think it will go away?

44:03 Drew And there could even be a foreign body in there. Who knows what, you know, happened. But I think it's probably just scarring.

44:07 Adam All right, that's fine.

44:09 Drew All right.

44:10 Adam It's no big deal. It's your sack.

44:11 Drew Is it? And by the way, he had a spear hanging out of it. You know, a big piece of metal. Now he's disappointed that they're scarring of his scrotum.

44:18 Adam Yes, Jed, your modeling career is over.

44:21 Drew Yeah, it could have been a scrotum model. What is that?

44:25 Adam Hold on. I don't know if there is such a thing, but I'd like to throw my name in the ring if there is such a thing as a scrotum model. Alberto.

44:33 Yeah, hi, what's up?

44:34 Adam A, you're 18. What's up?

44:36 Caller Yeah, well, I was just calling because I'm doing this research project for my anthropology class. And I'm doing it on your show. Oh, boy.

44:44 Adam In junior college or?

44:45 Caller No, sir, UT.

44:47 Drew Austin?

44:48 Caller Yes, sir.

44:49 Drew Wow. We were down there a couple years ago.

44:51 Caller Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, you're in Houston right now, aren't you? Are you going to come?

44:55 Drew I'm in Houston, but we, Adam and I both spoke in your volleyball stadium there.

44:59 Caller Oh, really? Yeah. I was not aware that this is my second semester right now. All right.

45:03 Adam So what's your question?

45:05 Caller Well, since I'm doing the report on you guys, I was just wondering, you know that infomercial guy you guys always make fun of or it's you, Adam, most of the time?

45:11 Drew Tommy Vu.

45:12 Adam Tom Vu, yes.

45:13 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering what his name was.

45:15 Adam Yeah. His name is Tom Vu and he sounds like Minka. He sounds exactly like Minka.

45:20 Drew Yeah.

45:20 Caller I remember Minka.

45:21 Drew Yeah. Alberto, what are you accumulating here? The number of characters that Adam can do?

45:25 Caller Well, no, it's one.

45:26 Drew One. He puts a bunch of different names on them, but it's one.

45:29 Adam I do Stereotypical Asian, number one, and Stereotypical Asian, number two.

45:33 Caller Beaches ain't shh, but holes and treaks, sock on these balls, and leak on these.

45:41 Adam Yes, I do a Russian rapper, too. So I guess I have some range.

45:48 Caller Well, yeah, I'm doing it. It's a culture and communication class, and I'm kind of looking at when you guys joke and why you guys do it. Oh, and I was also wondering what that is.

45:57 Adam We don't know.

45:58 Caller What?

45:59 Adam Listen, oh, by the way, Tom Vu, for those of you who don't know, I think he's in jail. I think he was like busted on the Rico Act or something some years ago. But he used to come on TV late night and tell you how to make money buying real estate, I believe, using his system, using his no money down system. And by the way, I've heard many, many late night infomercial talking about buying, buying properties with no money down. Every time I brought that up to real terms, they laughed their ass off. It's like, yes, I'd like to buy this house. I'm prepared to offer zero down. They're like, get the F out of here, you retard.

46:37 Caller Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, Tom Vu's, I don't give a rat's ass.

46:40 Adam I don't care if Jesus told you to buy it with no money down. You can't buy it with no money down. But Tom Vu was, I think he was from Vietnam, if I'm not mistaken. And he amassed a small fortune buying real estate with the no money down system. But the thing that was great about Tom Vu is he didn't try to sort of sweet talk you into his system. He challenged you into using his system. He would stand there in this big, he had this big mansion like in Florida somewhere.

47:14 Caller And he would stand on his circular driveway and he'd say, you see this Porsche, you see this Ferrari, you see Lamborghini, those are my toys. Those are what I use for toys. That's nothing to me. You see, I have scarab boat. I have white bitches on the on the hood of the scarab boat on the front and I drive around and I tool around all day because those are my bitches and these are my toys. You, you man enough, you want to make money, you get off your fat white ass. You, you take my system. I come to this country in a teacup. I float to this country in a spittoon with 15 brothers. I get job washing dishes at McDonald's. They don't even have dishes. But I work my way up. Do you know why? Because I'm not scared like you.

48:04 Adam I'm not yellow belly.

48:07 Caller You see that helicopter? That's my toy.

48:10 Drew Alberto, did you have some specific question? We got to go to break.

48:13 Caller Well, yeah, I was just going to. The name of that guy that has that boring TV show that's over there in California, Adam makes fun of him too.

48:18 Drew Huelhauser.

48:19 Adam Oh, Huelhauser.

48:21 Drew Why are you referring to these inane references that Adam fills time with?

48:25 Caller Well, I don't know. It's just some of the characters he does.

48:27 Drew Oh, my God. And the reason humor is effective is there are studies that show that delivering information to adolescents and young adults is enhanced with music and humor.

48:37 Caller Oh, really?

48:37 Drew Yeah. All right.

48:38 Adam Thank you. Well, listen, have fun with that report. Now, we have to take a break here, Drew?

48:43 Drew Yeah.

48:44 Adam All right. You don't know any more Tom Vu, Minker, Hewlett-Lazer?

48:47 Drew Let's take us out with Tom Vu.

48:52 Caller You two chicken to go to break with us. I dare you to stay for the next five minutes until we come back with Vertical Horizon. You see that dumb button in the studio? That's my toy. That's my toy. Anderson Engineer? He's my bitch. You come back too, bitch.

49:26 Drew Even the band that sings this song was offended by Adam's rendition.

49:31 Adam How dare you? They enjoyed it. Oh, yeah. When were they in here, Drew? Let's see.

49:37 Drew Today's Tuesday. About three days ago.

49:39 Caller All right.

49:41 Adam Ed and Keith are both here from Vertical Horizon. Look out Washington and Oregon because the band is coming your way in the next few days. More nonstop touring for Vertical Horizon. All right. Drew is over there in Houston. He'll be here tomorrow night with David Allen Grier. Let's go back to the phone and speak to Spencer 16. Spencer?

50:02 Caller Yeah. What's up? I have a problem with I'm 16 and I still haven't been able to have an orgasm.

50:14 Drew Do you have normal development, normal body hair? Yeah.

50:19 Caller I've talked a little bit about it with my doctor and he's basically asked the same question with, do I have body hair and all that stuff? Yeah.

50:30 Drew Are you on medication of any type?

50:31 Caller No. Just like physical stuff.

50:35 Adam How far into 16 are you?

50:38 Caller Pretty far.

50:39 Drew Have you tried giving yourself an orgasm?

50:43 Caller Yeah. I've masturbation, yeah.

50:45 Adam Yeah. How's that going?

50:47 Caller And it's...

50:47 Drew Well, I have a question. Adam, you didn't masturbate until you were like 16, right?

50:50 Adam That's right.

50:51 Drew Does that mean you've never seen, witnessed anything come out of yourself?

50:56 Adam I saw my soul come out of myself when my parents got divorced in 1973.

51:00 Drew Of course.

51:00 Caller Of course.

51:02 Adam I...

51:03 Drew Let's see.

51:03 Adam I think...

51:04 Drew You probably had some emissions.

51:06 Adam I probably did have a nocturnal emission. Maybe only one, though, before the ripe old age of 16 when I was forced by my friends to masturbate or tired of me not masturbating, apparently. Now, coincidentally, or conversely, they're tired of me masturbating. They got me started and they couldn't stop me. But, yeah, I didn't go until...

51:30 Caller Geez, I could have been 16 in a couple of months.

51:33 Adam So when are you going to be 17, Spencer?

51:36 Caller In May.

51:38 Caller Yeah.

51:39 Drew Spencer didn't have your good buddy Chris tossing an electric toothbrush this way.

51:42 Adam How dare you? How dare you bring that up, Drew? How dare you bring up that intimate moment in my life?

51:49 Drew Well, it just helps Spencer out here.

51:50 Adam Alright, listen, here's what happened. I had never whacked off before. My friends were really... They were becoming black belts at MasterBait. And I had not done it yet. I had not even bought a gi.

52:07 Drew I believe it was jack belts.

52:09 Adam Yes, they'd earned their jack belts. And so finally, my friend Chris, who had had enough of me not masturbating, said, listen, here's what to do. I was at his apartment.

52:20 Caller Actually, my buddy was 15.

52:21 Adam I was at his mom's apartment. I was at his house, okay? And he said, listen, do this. Take this electric toothbrush, put it on the back of your Johnson and go sit on that toilet. And don't come out and tell something to come out of you.

52:34 Drew Wow.

52:35 Adam I sat down on the toilet, like my legs folded. You know, I didn't have any technique or anything. I sat there and I took this electric toothbrush, not the business end, not the bristle end, but the back part.

52:45 Drew The vibrating end.

52:46 Adam Oh yeah. Don't knock it. It's not bad. Okay. And I planted it right on there. And I just sat there and stared at my penis. You know, it's like, and you know, Chris would like come by like every 15 minutes, like, hey, what's it going in there?

53:00 Caller I was, uh, uh, nothing. I will hurry up. My mom wants to use the bathroom. It's like, okay, well, well, hold on.

53:08 Caller My mom has to brush her teeth.

53:11 Caller Well, what's going on?

53:12 Adam It's like 10 minutes like banging on the door.

53:14 Caller How's it going? It's like, hey, it's going pretty good. We keep banging on the goddamn door. Now it's going to happen. I got to start over.

53:21 Adam I'm losing my focus. It's like, okay.

53:23 Caller I'm just sitting in there.

53:24 Adam You know, I swear to God, 40 minutes goes by. I just see the battery starting to run out on this thing.

53:29 Caller And all of a sudden, it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my God, no, no.

53:34 Caller I broke it.

53:37 Adam So, you know, high fives all around, and I felt pretty good about myself.

53:43 Caller It's a charming, charming story.

53:45 Adam Yeah, that's the only reason I want to have kids is so I can tell them that story before they go to bed.

53:50 Caller Dude, you'd beat off.

53:52 Adam So, Spencer, that could be in the cards for you.

53:56 Caller Yeah.

53:56 Adam I realize. I wouldn't worry about it for another like six months to a year.

54:01 Caller Yeah.

54:01 Caller Have you ever watched a movie, like an adult movie?

54:04 Caller I've like done everything known to like a teenage guy.

54:07 Adam Yeah.

54:08 Caller Like everything. And it just like not happened.

54:12 Adam You ever been with a woman?

54:15 Caller Yeah, kind of.

54:16 Adam What are you doing? What's going on?

54:18 Caller What?

54:19 Adam You've messed around with a woman? Yeah. You ever, she ever put her hand down there?

54:24 Caller Yeah.

54:24 Adam Nice. Oral sex? Yeah. Really?

54:27 Caller Yeah.

54:28 Vertical Horizon And nothing happened?

54:29 Adam That's confusing.

54:30 Caller Oh, like, yeah.

54:33 Adam Okay. So listen, Spencer.

54:35 Caller Yeah.

54:35 Adam It's probably going to happen in the middle of the night.

54:38 Caller Yeah. Like I've had nocturnal emission.

54:40 Adam Oh, you have?

54:41 Caller But I've had anything like while I was awake. And it'd be nice to be if I was awake.

54:45 Adam Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you had the nocturnal emission?

54:47 Caller Yeah.

54:48 Adam Okay. So the plumbing's all hooked up? Oh, you're fine.

54:51 Caller Don't worry about it. Just enjoy it.

54:53 Adam Yes.

54:54 Drew He'll figure it out.

54:55 Adam Right. Soon it will become an obsession and you'll not be able to do anything else. So, Adam?

54:59 Drew Blame Adam.

55:00 Yeah.

55:00 Adam You're 15. What's up?

55:02 Caller I want to say I like your idea with the traffic. Just had one whole station of traffic. Nothing but that.

55:08 Adam Yeah. I think that would, I think that's practical. I really do.

55:11 Drew Kelly was out here crying, by the way.

55:13 Adam Oh, she's got a eating disorder. That's Kelly. She's so perky. All right. Go ahead, Adam.

55:20 Caller My question's staked. I just wanted to come on and tell you how much you guys are awesome and Vertical Horizon. I like all your music. Thanks, man. Thanks.

55:28 Adam Thanks, Otto.

55:30 Adam That's it.

55:31 Drew He had a good question there.

55:32 Adam He made it up. All right, Drew. Please listen to the man. He wanted to give some props to the band.

55:38 Caller That's cool. All right.

55:39 Adam Let's talk to Jennifer. Jennifer? Yeah. Twenty-one years old.

55:42 Drew Well, then wait, Jennifer, hang on one second. I've been staring at Otto's question for the last half hour trying to figure out how to answer it. And I don't know how to answer it. Let's chew on this for a second. The question was, why does he always seem to get attracted to lesbians? And guys do that. Guys have a thing about lesbians.

55:57 Vertical Horizon They do?

55:58 Drew And some guys.

55:58 Caller 15-year-old boys have a thing about lesbians?

56:01 Drew Well, and some guys, the guys that get the sex change operations often do it in order to have lesbian relationships, amazingly.

56:08 Vertical Horizon That's interesting.

56:09 Drew And I don't have my head around that one. I don't quite get that.

56:12 Adam Well, listen. Any guy wants his door cut off, I mean, all bets are off. You understand? I mean, they're nuts. Don't try to, you know, don't argue with a madman. These guys are insane.

56:24 Drew And then also, why are guys so into lesbians?

56:28 Adam Well, guys are into lesbians because instead of, you know, one chick, it's two chicks, and they're doing something sexual.

56:35 Drew Right. That's what I mean.

56:36 Adam I mean, that's sort of more of just sort of a math equation. That's easy. But I don't see it's a big problem that guys fall in love with lesbians, do you?

56:47 Caller All right. All right.

56:48 Adam Jennifer?

56:49 Caller What?

56:50 Adam 21. What's going on?

56:52 Caller Well, I slept with my fiance's brother.

56:56 Drew How long has your fiance been your fiance?

56:59 Caller Five and a half years.

57:01 Drew Wait, wait. He's been your fiance for five and a half years?

57:04 Caller Yeah.

57:06 Drew Adam, please.

57:06 Adam You guys got engaged when you were 15 and a half?

57:11 Caller No.

57:12 Drew Well, that's what you just told us. He's been your fiance for five and a half years.

57:17 Caller Yeah.

57:18 Adam He's been your boyfriend for five and a half years. How long has he been your fiance?

57:22 Caller For five years.

57:23 Adam Five years. So you got engaged when you were 16?

57:26 Caller Yeah.

57:27 Adam Oh, OK. So when I say 15 and a half, don't go, no.

57:33 Drew Not quite. Not quite.

57:34 Adam You're getting there. All right, screwball. So what's wrong with you as you get engaged at 16?

57:39 Caller Nothing.

57:40 Adam Really? You get engaged at 16, you're banging away with your fiance's brother. What's wrong with you? What happened to you?

57:50 Caller I just wanted somebody else.

57:51 Adam You wanted someone else?

57:53 Caller Yeah.

57:53 Vertical Horizon And you went there?

57:55 Caller Well, it just happened.

57:57 Adam I see.

57:58 Drew Oh, Jennifer, listen.

57:58 Adam Where's your dad?

58:00 Caller Um, I don't know.

58:03 Adam You don't know?

58:03 Caller No.

58:04 Adam You never knew him?

58:06 Caller A little bit until I was like six and then he like disappeared.

58:10 Adam And that's been it for him.

58:11 Drew Was he an idiot? Did he abuse you?

58:12 Caller No.

58:13 Caller He was never really around me that much.

58:15 Adam All right. And why do you have a problem with men?

58:19 Caller I don't really have a problem with men.

58:21 Adam Well, why do you have judgment difficulties? I mean, you're sleeping with your fiancé's brother, for Christ's sake.

58:28 Caller I only did it one time.

58:30 Adam I see. But have you broken up with your fiancé yet?

58:33 Caller No.

58:34 Adam Do you want to break up with your fiancé?

58:36 Caller No.

58:36 Adam Really? You don't?

58:38 Caller No.

58:38 Drew Why haven't you gotten married before this?

58:42 Caller Because I kept pushing back the date.

58:44 Drew Why?

58:47 Caller Because I wanted to make sure that I really wanted to get married.

58:50 Adam No. You're not into the guy.

58:53 Vertical Horizon He's definitely not the guy.

58:54 Caller You've answered your own question.

58:55 Adam You've been engaged for five years.

58:57 Drew Which is ridiculous.

58:58 Adam You sleep with the guy's brother. You're not into the guy.

59:01 Drew You're trying to precipitate a crisis that makes the decision for you.

59:05 Adam Right.

59:05 Drew Gets you out of this thing.

59:06 Adam He's going to find out about this and then you'll be able to break up, which is something you didn't have the strength to do before.

59:13 Drew Okay.

59:14 Adam You understand that?

59:15 Caller Yeah.

59:16 Adam Why don't you just...

59:17 Drew You're 21. You're interacting and acting like a 12-year-old.

59:22 Adam Why don't you just break up with the guy?

59:25 Caller Because I love him.

59:26 Adam You do?

59:27 Vertical Horizon Why do you sleep with his brother?

59:29 Drew Why would you do something so hurtful to him, is the question.

59:32 Caller Well, he's hurt me too, but I had never slept with anybody else.

59:37 Adam You just wanted to experience that.

59:38 Drew How did he hurt you?

59:41 Caller I don't know. He's not really there for me emotionally.

59:45 Adam Okay, but yet you're madly in love with him.

59:48 Caller I do love him, but I had never slept with anybody else.

59:51 Drew Jennifer, end this relationship. It's a mess.

59:54 Adam Yes.

59:56 Drew I'm not sure she could do better with anybody else.

59:58 Adam You don't have any kids, do you?

1:00:00 Drew No.

1:00:01 Adam Good. How is it that someone like you hasn't become pregnant? You have some abortions? You gave your kid up for adoption?

1:00:08 Caller No, nothing like that.

1:00:10 Adam Are you sterile?

1:00:12 Caller No, I use protection.

1:00:14 Adam You do? Do you use protection with his brother?

1:00:17 Caller Yes.

1:00:19 Adam And what's up with this guy's brother that he would do it with his brother's fiancé?

1:00:25 Caller I guess, I don't know.

1:00:27 Caller He was younger.

1:00:29 Caller Oh, that explains it. Oh, I see.

1:00:31 Drew Okay, Adam, you got it now?

1:00:31 Caller I haven't slept with anybody.

1:00:33 Vertical Horizon Oh, that makes it even clearer.

1:00:37 Adam How old was he?

1:00:38 Caller Sixteen.

1:00:40 Adam Wait a minute, how long ago did you do this?

1:00:43 Caller About two weeks ago.

1:00:45 Vertical Horizon Does any of this not seem right to you, Jennifer?

1:00:47 Caller Yeah.

1:00:48 Adam Oh, hold on a second, though. You're 21. You slept with a 16-year-old guy?

1:00:51 Caller It's the point.

1:00:52 Drew She sounds 12, guys. Did you finish high school, Jennifer?

1:00:55 Caller Yes.

1:00:57 Adam Finished meaning you graduated or finished? They just said you got to go home now.

1:01:00 Caller No, I graduated.

1:01:02 Drew A ceramics major?

1:01:03 Adam Oh, how dare you, Drew? Many of our ceramic majors have gone on to great things. All right. Jennifer, I don't want to pick on you too much. Are you okay? Are you going to junior college? What are you doing?

1:01:17 Caller I just started college this year.

1:01:19 Adam Junior college?

1:01:20 Caller Yeah.

1:01:21 Adam Okay.

1:01:21 Caller Yeah.

1:01:22 Adam Which junior college are you going to?

1:01:23 Caller The University of Arizona.

1:01:25 Adam That's not a junior college.

1:01:27 Vertical Horizon I'm exactly a junior.

1:01:28 Caller A regular college.

1:01:29 Adam That's a regular junior. It's a four-year junior college at the University of Arizona. Listen, Jennifer, break up with this guy.

1:01:36 Caller Okay.

1:01:38 Adam You've been in it too long. You're in college now. You want to experience other people. You want to live your life. Really, everybody, here's what happens. We run into this all the time. People get into relationships at 16 and then all of a sudden, they probably should have broken up at 18, but they kept it going. Now, all of a sudden, it's like, well, I've committed so much time. We have so much history. This person becomes a part of your life. They were there for your graduation. They were there for your sweet 16th birthday. You lost your virginity to this person. You bailed them out of jail. You got drunk the first time. Everything is all these first times. You had all these first times with this person. It's like, I can't break up. I've invested too much time.

1:02:21 Drew I love them.

1:02:21 Adam What kind of strategy is that? It's really, the argument is, you've spent too much time already with someone you shouldn't be spending time with. Now you're going to go another 10 years?

1:02:33 Drew Right.

1:02:34 Caller And if you're starting to explore, then it's not right to get married.

1:02:39 Adam Especially with the 16 year old brother. Joe? Oh yeah. She's imagined this guy, 16, his head must have been spinning. He's got his 21 year old brother's fiance on top of him. He's gone insane. And by the way, there's no way he can not tell somebody. Oh, no way. No way. No possible way. But listen, I brought the toothbrush to school the next day. I took the toothbrush to my junior prom. Yes, I told people we're dating. You should see the picture.

1:03:12 Drew The picture of you dancing with the toothbrush?

1:03:14 Adam No, just that bad blue sky background with me and the toothbrush. You have that pose where the toothbrush in front of me and my hands clasp in front of the toothbrush. Toothbrush has a... Corsage. It has a corsage. It has an attachment corsage. Well, I had to have it modified so it stayed on.

1:03:30 Caller You were smart. You knew you were going to get some.

1:03:31 Adam Oh, yes. I got some on the way to the prom. I got some during the prom. All right, Joe, what's up?

1:03:41 Caller I've got a problem with my left testicle.

1:03:44 Caller It hurts extremely bad and I don't know why.

1:03:48 Caller Something's wrong with his testicle?

1:03:49 Drew Why haven't you seen a doctor about this?

1:03:51 Caller I haven't been able to yet.

1:03:53 Drew Why?

1:03:54 Caller It's only been two days now and I have... I don't have a vehicle.

1:03:58 Drew Okay, well, this could be an emergency. In fact, I would suggest you be seen tonight because the testicle can twist on itself and twist till it cuts the blood supply off and it will die. It can really cause a very serious peritonitis and you get terribly ill.

1:04:13 Adam Is that that torsion, Drew?

1:04:15 Drew Torsion, yeah.

1:04:15 Adam Or, Drew, can one untwist one's testicle?

1:04:19 Drew No, you really can't. In fact, they have to be surgically undone, oftentimes.

1:04:23 Adam Well, what if you had like a, I don't know, pogo stick or a centrifuge or something?

1:04:29 Drew No, that's why they have to do it surgically. It could be epididymitis. It could be a cyst that's inflamed. There are other things it could be, but you got to be sure it's not torsion and you got to be sure right away.

1:04:39 Caller Would you be able to like sit down and stand up again if you had that though?

1:04:42 Drew Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It just depends how far along it gets. If you get to the point that the test is dead, you know, it's infarcted, you've got a problem, and you're going to be in a lot of pain. It's going to be throughout your abdomen.

1:04:51 Caller Go to the hospital.

1:04:52 Adam Hey Joe?

1:04:53 Caller Yeah.

1:04:54 Adam What's up? You're 20. You don't have any wheels?

1:04:56 Caller I do not have any wheels.

1:04:58 Caller I have wheels, but they're broke down, so.

1:05:00 Adam Do you have access to wheels?

1:05:03 Caller Yeah.

1:05:04 Adam Can you borrow anyone's car?

1:05:05 Caller I can borrow somebody's car.

1:05:06 Adam What kind of car do you have that's broken down?

1:05:08 Caller It's an 83 GMC, Jimmy.

1:05:11 Adam Nice. What's wrong with it?

1:05:13 Caller The engine.

1:05:14 Caller Oh, really?

1:05:14 Caller Yeah.

1:05:15 Adam Yeah, that's kind of an important part. You need a whole rebuild?

1:05:18 Caller Yeah.

1:05:19 Adam Bottom end and everything? Oh, yeah. You're screwed.

1:05:23 Vertical Horizon Dude, get a lift, take a cab, do something, man. You got to check this out.

1:05:27 Drew Does that pay any more to rebuild engines? By the way, cars, you can get, you know.

1:05:32 Adam You mean you get a new car or you just get a new engine?

1:05:34 Drew No, I mean you get another used car, a vintage 85 car. It's like rebuilding the engine.

1:05:40 Adam I've had engines rebuild and I've like pulled, I bought, you know, you can buy used engines and drop them into your car. You know, it's so much work to be poor. My God, is it work. I've had hundreds and hundreds of hours trying to fix my air conditioning system, trying to open up the Recycler, the Penny Saver, find a used engine for a Toyota, drive to hell and back, leave your car there for a month, have some seedy Iranian guy drop it in and never have it work right. And all in the name of saving 350 bucks. So I guess it's crazy.

1:06:18 Caller That's where you need to follow the no money down policy.

1:06:21 Adam Yeah, the Tom Vue. Yeah, I should have listened to it.

1:06:24 Vertical Horizon I'd ask you for an Iranian impression, but I'm sure it'll come out Asian.

1:06:26 Adam No, no, no, no. Yeah, it will. Don't know Iranian. Susan?

1:06:30 Caller Yes.

1:06:31 Adam You're 33.

1:06:32 Caller What's up?

1:06:33 Caller Actually, I have a question for Keith. All right. Hi, Susan.

1:06:37 Caller Hi.

1:06:38 Caller Oh my God, I can't believe I'm talking to you. Actually, my favorite song on y'all CD is Shackled. Oh, well, thank you. And I saw where you wrote that. And I was kind of wondering if you could tell me the story behind it.

1:06:52 Caller I wrote that song after we...

1:06:55 Vertical Horizon S&M Weekend somewhere, wasn't it?

1:06:57 Caller Woohoo.

1:06:58 Caller After we moved from the Virginia area up to Cape Cod for a while and stayed in a house by ourselves. And I had just finished with a relationship that was rather long and lengthy in its breakup. And that song is just about sort of resurfacing, you know, escape from a tough situation.

1:07:18 Caller Well, you know, I really have to admit that I have never bought a CD that I have enjoyed every single song on it.

1:07:26 Caller Oh, well, thank you. That's a great compliment.

1:07:28 Adam Yeah, it really is.

1:07:29 Caller Unfortunately, I missed you guys when y'all were here with Third Eye Blind, but I'm really hoping that I get to see you guys when we come back.

1:07:36 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:07:37 Caller Fort Worth, Texas.

1:07:39 Vertical Horizon Oh, we just went through Austin. We'll be back.

1:07:42 Caller Yeah, I hope so because I'd really like to rub Matt's head.

1:07:46 Drew Susan, you're 33.

1:07:47 Caller Get in the line, Susan.

1:07:49 Caller That head is just really sexy.

1:07:51 Vertical Horizon Wow, I'm going to have to start shaving my head, man.

1:07:53 Drew She sounds like a 15-year-old fan.

1:07:55 Adam She's horny. You're a lot horny at 33 than you were at 17, aren't you, Susan?

1:08:00 Caller Oh, honey, I'm in my prime.

1:08:01 Vertical Horizon I know. It was Fort Worth girls. Fort Worth, here we come.

1:08:04 Adam Are you single?

1:08:06 Caller No, I'm not.

1:08:07 Adam All right, but you would have sex with one of the band members, right?

1:08:13 Caller As long as it was like a, you know, some shackles and stuff. But you guys are, y'all are just great.

1:08:21 Caller Well, thank you.

1:08:22 Adam All right, Susan. Bye-bye. Thanks. I thank you on behalf of the band. Drew?

1:08:27 Caller Yeah.

1:08:29 Adam What do you want to do? Shut up.

1:08:35 Drew Let's do this, Jason, 25. Shack ass.

1:08:38 Adam I'm tired.

1:08:41 Drew Enjoy.

1:08:42 Adam Yeah. Jason, 25.

1:08:46 Caller Yeah. My question is for Dr. Drew.

1:08:50 Caller Yeah.

1:08:52 Caller My question is, what he thinks about a gastritic bipage.

1:08:57 Drew Gastritic?

1:08:58 Caller I guess I'm pronouncing it correctly. I ain't for sure.

1:09:02 Drew How much you weigh?

1:09:04 Caller I weigh 300.

1:09:05 Drew Have you tried other modalities of losing weight?

1:09:08 Caller Yes. I've tried diet pills, diet. I've tried everything. My thyroid doesn't work correctly.

1:09:16 Caller No, it's not that. Believe me.

1:09:18 Drew If that's all that was required to help obese people lose weight, it would be a very simple matter.

1:09:21 Adam Have you eaten a lot of crawfish and pork salad?

1:09:25 Caller No.

1:09:26 Drew Well, the gastric... What did you see? Carney Wilson on Oprah the other day or something?

1:09:31 Caller Right? I can't really hear you. I may oracle at my own.

1:09:35 Drew All right. But the gastric bypass is an excellent intervention for people for whom nothing else has worked. It certainly is healthier and safer to go get a dietician, get an exercise plan, even get a trainer if you can afford it, and be exercising regularly and get on a very highly structured diet plan that is governed by someone else. If all that fails, then yes, gastric bypasses of various types, the question then becomes what type do you get? Do you get the ruin wire? Do you get the sort of silastic banding?

1:10:05 Adam I'm a fan of the silastic banding.

1:10:06 Drew Yeah, I know you are.

1:10:07 Adam The band is not in fever, really. I see you guys are fans of the silastic banding yourself. Oh, yes.

1:10:12 Vertical Horizon That's the preferred method, yeah.

1:10:13 Drew Yeah, and there's debate about what is the best way to proceed.

1:10:19 Adam Tell us about this procedure, Drew.

1:10:21 Drew Well, basically, you shrink your stomach down, cut it down to almost nothing, and then also they have ways of bypassing parts of the small bowel, so you basically get diarrhea and bypass some absorbed to various, you've never absorbed some of the calorie. And there's sort of two things going on, and it works.

1:10:37 Adam It really really works. Let me tell you, I'm going to get back with Jason. He says he's at work. Want to take some guesses? I'm guessing he works at the UN.

1:10:44 Drew Foundry.

1:10:44 Adam Oh, foundry?

1:10:46 Caller The armory.

1:10:46 Drew The UN foundry.

1:10:48 Adam No, I'm guessing, I'm going, I'm going Walmart. I'm going Mini Mart. Oh Walmart, yeah, it could be stocking or something.

1:10:55 Caller I'm going auto mechanic.

1:10:56 Adam Jason?

1:10:57 Caller Yeah.

1:10:58 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:10:59 Caller Actually, I have a four-year degree in CIS, and I work with computers mostly.

1:11:06 Caller That's a damn lie when you do it!

1:11:08 Caller Where do you work?

1:11:09 Caller Do I now?

1:11:10 Caller Where do you work?

1:11:11 Caller I work for a construction company right now, though.

1:11:15 Adam I see. Well, you work in pretty late hours over there.

1:11:18 Caller Yeah, I work from 7 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. How tall are you, champ? Six-one.

1:11:24 Adam All right, 300 pounds. And what about just doing a little dieting and trying to lose that weight? I mean, you're still a young man, 25 years old.

1:11:32 Caller Well, I've tried everything that I can possibly do. I mean, I've stuck to my diets and everything, and I lose it, but I put it back on.

1:11:40 Vertical Horizon Jason, do you exercise too?

1:11:41 Caller Yeah.

1:11:42 Vertical Horizon All right, because I'm kind of a big guy, and if you do both, if you stick to a diet and some exercise, I mean, if you really, really stick to it with some discipline after a couple months, you start to see some results.

1:11:52 Drew And work with a dietician regularly, who knows how to manage these kinds of things.

1:11:56 Adam I heard something today on the news that we're talking about this obesity gene, and it's that like 50% of black people have this, and like 30% of Asian people have it. And I can't remember what the white breakdown was on it, but that a fair amount of people have this. Some sort of vestige of some stone age, you know, lived through the drought kind of...

1:12:23 Drew Yeah, it was a good thing.

1:12:24 Adam It was a good thing. I mean, Jesus Christ, if you were... Well, do the math, too. Those are the people who survived.

1:12:31 Drew Right, that's right. That's why we have that gene.

1:12:33 Adam I mean, if you ate once every other week and...

1:12:37 Drew You maintained your weight.

1:12:38 Adam Yeah, you were basically, you know, Iggy, Puff, gone. You know what I mean? I mean, you ate some bison and you basically worked it off before you woke up the next morning. You were screwed, right? We'll be right back. I guess a lot of people have this. And the question is, Drew, when it's a genetic problem like that, what do you do?

1:12:58 Drew Well, that's why the gastric bypasses have been suggested, is to really try to change the way the function of the body goes forward permanently.

1:13:06 Adam All right. Well, what about just lots of coffee enemas?

1:13:09 Drew Yeah, that's always good, too.

1:13:11 Adam All right. Glad you endorsed that. Vertical Horizon is here. We're going to take a little break. We'll be right back.

1:13:18 Caller Hello? This is Loveline. Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:14:02 Adam Yep, Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. And Keith are both here from Vertical Horizon. David Allen Grier will be in here tomorrow night, and so will Drew.

1:14:13 Caller Drew?

1:14:14 Adam My screen has gone blank over here.

1:14:17 Drew I'm fine. This is Sarah 21.

1:14:19 Caller Hi.

1:14:20 Drew Hey, Sarah.

1:14:21 Caller I actually have a couple of quick questions. I was wondering about the morning after pill. Is that safe to take while you're nursing?

1:14:28 Drew Yeah, it should be. In fact, though, you know, nursing can be its own sort of natural birth control, you understand?

1:14:35 Caller I should have that, too, but they told me not to rely on it, and I took the depot, and I just had just one shot so far, and I know I'm a little late on it.

1:14:45 Drew So that's probably real smart to go ahead and take the morning after pill. And since you're already on it for gestational agents, probably take the Plan B.

1:14:53 Caller Okay.

1:14:54 Drew Since that's just more of what you're already taking.

1:14:56 Caller Okay. And then also, I had postpartum depression, and I was taking Paxil, and now they switched my medication to Prozac.

1:15:06 Drew Right.

1:15:07 Caller But I've never been suicidal before, but lately I've felt sort of suicidal.

1:15:12 Drew You gotta talk to your doctor. There's controversy about whether or not Prozac can increase suicidal thinking. The current sort of wisdom is that it doesn't, but boy, if you're...

1:15:22 Caller I felt that way too.

1:15:24 Drew Well, so you may have already been feeling... It may be worse when you come off antidepressants, but certainly you ought to try to optimize your therapy, because if you're having suicidal thinking, that is not adequate coverage.

1:15:34 Adam How old's your kid?

1:15:35 Caller He's five months almost.

1:15:37 Drew Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

1:15:38 Caller No, I'm not. She recommended one.

1:15:41 Drew You've gotta see one. Look, this is of life-saving importance right now. You're feeling suicidal. You've got a child to take care of.

1:15:46 Caller It's not all the time. Usually it's like, I'll have a bad day.

1:15:49 Drew Yeah, but Sarah, look, A, your child needs you available and not depressed. B, she needs you alive.

1:15:56 Caller Okay.

1:15:57 Drew It is a very serious issue. A postpartum depression can be profound.

1:16:01 Caller Right.

1:16:01 Caller So let's do something about that.

1:16:02 Adam All right. I'm gonna kill myself in a minute, Drew, if we keep talking about this. Hey, now listen, hey, Drew?

1:16:07 Caller Yeah.

1:16:07 Adam I got this fax over here. It says, Dr. Drew, FYI, Wucheraria Bancrofti is spread by mosquito, not by stepping in a dung or something.

1:16:22 Drew Wucheraria Bancrofti mosquito.

1:16:24 Adam That's what it says. I have no idea what this means.

1:16:28 Drew Then maybe I'm not thinking of it causing...

1:16:30 Adam You're talking about Elephantitis, Tyiasis?

1:16:33 Drew Yeah, Tyiasis. The reason I feel fairly... It's a filarial disease.

1:16:39 Adam Sure. Well, no doubt.

1:16:42 Drew It may be. It may be spread by mosquito. But I thought it was one of the ones like Strontoloides that comes up through the foot. That's why it wedges in the lymphatics of the leg and causes a big swelling of the leg or the testes.

1:16:52 Adam That was my assertion for many years. And then I got this fax.

1:16:56 Drew But I can accept that it's systemic.

1:16:57 Adam All right. This is from your non-junior college listeners at the University of Arizona. We appreciate it. Here's another quick fax while Anderson feverishly tries to repair the screen on my computer monitor over here.

1:17:11 Drew Hey, you guys. It goes out, Anderson, it goes out every night. All you got to do is make sure the wire is connected firmly into the back of the screen and then wiggle the wire under the counter and it'll go on.

1:17:20 Adam Really? Is it working? How dare you do that?

1:17:24 Drew You have to do that ten times a night. It always goes out.

1:17:26 Adam You do that ten times a night because you kick the thing ten times a night. If it went out on its own, I've been futzing with this thing.

1:17:31 Caller No, no, no.

1:17:32 Adam Yes, yes, yes. Valerie's listening. This is disrupting the entire night shift crew. Could it be something in her diet or does she just expel a lot of gas? How can we go about telling her in a way that's not going to hurt her feelings?

1:17:51 Drew How about you just Adam go down there and propose to her? She sounds like your kind of girl.

1:17:57 Adam I like gas coming out of my own ass, thank you, but I'm not a huge fan of it coming out of other people's ass, although I do find it humorous. You admire it too? Yeah, sure. I'm more respected than admire it. But yeah, I like a good fart. But if she smells like pure ass, it's probably not gas.

1:18:18 Caller Yeah, it could be like body odor even. Yeah.

1:18:21 Adam Yeah. Some people got the funk and that's a genetic thing. People talk about diet, they talk about deodorant, but it's just a pure genetic thing. You know those guys that just think, you ever have those friends?

1:18:32 Caller Drummers, really.

1:18:34 Adam But at least they're earning it. They're earning it. That's true. I mean, I know guys who wear suit all day and got it. These guys take showers and they wear deodorant, they do the whole nine yards. It's like a genetic thing. Drew, what are you going to do about that?

1:18:50 Drew Go to a call. This is Giovanna 18.

1:18:53 Adam Wait a minute.

1:18:54 Drew I got it.

1:18:54 Vertical Horizon I'm a genius.

1:18:55 Adam Ed's got it.

1:18:56 Drew What? You just wiggled the screen or wiggled the card?

1:18:59 Vertical Horizon I just wiggled the wire under the counter.

1:19:02 Drew Did I not say that?

1:19:03 Adam Under the counter.

1:19:03 Vertical Horizon And then I put it to the computer.

1:19:05 Adam Yes, you did not say that, you jackal.

1:19:08 Drew For God's sake.

1:19:08 Adam No, you said under the screen, not under the counter.

1:19:11 Drew There's nothing under the screen.

1:19:13 Vertical Horizon You said under the counter.

1:19:13 Adam There is under the screen.

1:19:14 Drew Thank you. Thank you. Giovanna, what's going on?

1:19:18 Caller Well, I've been with this, with my cousin for like over a year.

1:19:27 Drew Your cousin?

1:19:29 Caller Well, yeah, he's like, he's my cousin. And we used to, I used to live with my aunt and uncle.

1:19:35 Caller And, oh, Giovanna.

1:19:38 Caller And, boy, we've been like having like sexual relationships. Like, it's like a sexual relationship.

1:19:50 Drew Since you were 17?

1:19:51 Caller Um, yeah.

1:19:53 Caller Wow.

1:19:53 Adam What's your nationality? What's your nationality?

1:19:57 Caller Guatemalan.

1:19:58 Adam I see. Now, that's a good accent.

1:20:00 Drew How old is your cousin?

1:20:03 Caller He's 21.

1:20:05 Adam And you've been with him sexually for how long?

1:20:08 Caller For about a year.

1:20:10 Adam I see. And this is on your, whose side of the family is this on?

1:20:15 Caller On my dad's.

1:20:16 Adam I see. And, uh, do you, this is your first cousin, right?

1:20:21 Caller Yeah.

1:20:22 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:20:23 Caller Well, like, she's, she's more like my step-cousin, actually.

1:20:29 Drew I, I don't want to figure it out. I don't want to know.

1:20:30 Caller All right.

1:20:30 Adam He's not your blood cousin?

1:20:32 Caller No, he's not.

1:20:33 Drew What's your question?

1:20:33 Caller All right.

1:20:34 Adam Bang away.

1:20:34 Drew Well, I'm curious why she was living with the aunt and uncle, but go ahead.

1:20:38 Caller Oh, um, okay. I don't know what to do, just like every time we're together and we mess around, everything is fine. And like, but then once he put it in, he comes like two minutes later.

1:20:52 Adam Two minutes.

1:20:52 Caller She's laughing.

1:20:54 Caller He's like super fast.

1:20:56 Adam Right. Two minutes is a lifetime is they're very efficient. That's Guatemala. It's really efficiency survival to fit it. It's really, it's really a good, it's sort of as bad as the, as the obesity gene was good back then. It's sort of the same thing with the right.

1:21:14 Drew It's delivering the seed.

1:21:15 Adam Yes. You deliver the seed in a hurry. Yeah.

1:21:18 Drew So like the coffee bean before the female eats your head.

1:21:21 Adam Right. I'd like to really, it'd be great. It'd be a great rap. Now I know I'm obese and I come when I drop my pants, but here's why I'm one of the chosen few.

1:21:30 Drew And why our children will be superior.

1:21:32 Vertical Horizon That's why our children will be superior.

1:21:34 Adam That's right. They will survive the drought.

1:21:38 Caller All right.

1:21:39 Adam Do you guys, do you guys do any foreplay? Does he perform oral sex on you?

1:21:44 Caller Yeah.

1:21:45 Adam He does? Do you enjoy that?

1:21:47 Caller Yeah.

1:21:48 Adam Do you have an orgasm?

1:21:50 Caller We've been for like a year and it's like over a year and I've only had no orgasm once.

1:21:56 Adam That's not a bad track record. Well, looking at this way, it's five every five years. See, not so bad. And every ten years, sounding pretty good now, isn't it?

1:22:08 Vertical Horizon Just gets better.

1:22:10 Adam That's right.

1:22:11 Caller All right.

1:22:11 Adam I don't know what you can do about this. How about he masturbates, you know, an hour before you have sex?

1:22:19 Caller Is that true?

1:22:21 Caller How about it?

1:22:21 Adam Can you go check him off?

1:22:22 Caller How about it?

1:22:25 Drew He just needs to sort of master his own function, you know what I'm saying?

1:22:29 Adam Do you fake orgasms with him?

1:22:32 Caller No.

1:22:32 Drew Good. Good.

1:22:33 Adam Okay. Are you horribly depressed?

1:22:36 Caller No. Like, I just ask him what's wrong with him.

1:22:40 Adam And what's he say?

1:22:42 Caller He must love that.

1:22:43 Vertical Horizon Yeah, he loves that.

1:22:43 Caller Like, he said he may need Viagra or something.

1:22:47 Vertical Horizon Need what? Viagra?

1:22:48 Adam No, no.

1:22:49 Vertical Horizon Turn two minutes into one?

1:22:50 Adam That's right. Yeah. Cut that in half. Oh, there's nothing better than, as a man, what is wrong with you? You're standing there. Your penis is hanging between your legs. There's a big mess at the carpet. Right.

1:23:05 Drew The penis looking sad, hanging kind of low.

1:23:09 Caller What is wrong with you?

1:23:11 Adam What is... And now she's addressing the penis. And you, you should be ashamed of yourself. What is wrong with you? I don't know. What do you do about this, Drew? I mean, listen, here's what these two need to communicate.

1:23:25 Drew Yes.

1:23:25 Adam They need to discuss it. She needs to say, this is not satisfactory. Don't be ashamed.

1:23:30 Drew Yeah.

1:23:30 Adam I'm not attacking you. But let's see what we can do. Let's get creative. Let's see what we can do to make this a more pleasurable experience. Right.

1:23:38 Vertical Horizon Explore, explore, explore.

1:23:40 Caller Get some toys, things like that.

1:23:42 Adam Let me ask you this, Drew. And tell me if you know an answer to this question.

1:23:45 Drew Probably not.

1:23:46 Adam I don't. I don't. Because there's nothing that I don't know that you know of.

1:23:50 Drew Yeah.

1:23:50 Adam I've been doing the show for five years.

1:23:52 Drew Okay. Go ahead. Well, don't ask me. Forget it.

1:23:54 Adam If you're a guy, how dare you? If you're a guy who has an orgasm in two minutes as opposed to a guy who has an orgasm in a half hour, would your refractory period be faster as a two minute guy?

1:24:07 Drew No.

1:24:08 Adam You wouldn't say that guy has any higher likelihood of being able to get it going and have sex again. You know what I'm saying?

1:24:15 Caller Yeah.

1:24:15 Adam It kind of makes sense to me.

1:24:17 Caller It does.

1:24:17 Drew No.

1:24:18 Caller It's like hockey shifts, you know?

1:24:20 Drew Yeah.

1:24:21 Adam Get the sideline in.

1:24:23 Drew Yeah. Refractorism is thought of as a sort of fixed interval between 10 and 30 minutes. Now, I would imagine that the guys come quickly would be on, generally, on the short end of that spectrum.

1:24:35 Adam Right.

1:24:35 Drew So that would make sense. But they wouldn't be somehow outside of the normal range.

1:24:39 Adam Would you say that the guys who come quickly have a better chance for multiple orgasms?

1:24:45 Caller Yes.

1:24:46 Drew Even though I don't believe that really exists.

1:24:49 Adam No, I don't mean in one time. But what I mean is...

1:24:51 Drew Oh, a second to go around. Yes.

1:24:53 Adam I can last all night, but I got one.

1:24:55 Drew Yes. No, I believe they could do more than that.

1:24:57 Adam My penis is not a machine gun. It's a musket.

1:25:00 Drew Well, most of these guys...

1:25:01 Adam You understand? It's like pow! I got one shot. That's it. Make it good. You better get them in the head.

1:25:08 Caller You got to put that buffalo down.

1:25:10 Adam You're going to get trampled. You can't reload.

1:25:13 Drew Loading the powder end is kind of uncomfortable, though, isn't it?

1:25:15 Caller Yeah.

1:25:16 Adam Biting the end off the horn and all of it.

1:25:19 Drew Shoving it down with that metal tube.

1:25:20 Adam Stuffing that musket ball down there. Packing it. Sure. Then it gets wet and won't go off in the jacuzzi.

1:25:27 Drew But certainly the guys that we talk to say, tell us, don't they, that even if they ejaculate a half hour before a sexual encounter, they're up again and gone in two minutes, a second go around.

1:25:39 Adam Yeah.

1:25:39 Drew So that supports your theory about them be more ready to go again.

1:25:42 Adam I just think God wouldn't punish them twice. That's all I'm saying.

1:25:46 Drew In more than one way.

1:25:47 Adam Yeah. That's right. All right. Vertical Horizon is our guest tonight. Thank God they're all college grads and we're able to get the monitor back up and running. We'll take a little break and we'll be back after this.

1:25:58 Caller Hey, take a chair.

1:26:00 Caller What's the matter? You might enjoy yourself.

1:26:02 Caller It's okay.

1:26:02 Caller You're allowed. 104.1043. KMBY.

1:26:13 Adam Yeah, I tried to paint a little enthusiasm there.

1:26:17 Vertical Horizon I was wondering where that was going to go.

1:26:18 Adam Ed and Keith are both here from Vertical Horizon.

1:26:23 Caller Oh, Horizon.

1:26:24 Adam I'm tired. I left the house early this morning.

1:26:27 Drew Oh yeah, how was that? How'd that go? You survived that?

1:26:29 Adam Leaving the house early this morning?

1:26:31 Drew No, no, you wanted sleeping pills last night so you could get up and do the main show promotions this morning.

1:26:34 Adam Yes, yes.

1:26:35 Drew I would not oblige you, and so how'd it go?

1:26:38 Adam It went fine. I rushed straight here. I've not been home yet.

1:26:42 Drew Oh, really?

1:26:42 Adam Yeah, I'm in a bad way, and you know what? I was just in the bathroom taking a leak and I got a whiff of my own nut sack. You ever do that? You're standing in front of the urinal. It's like, at first it smells like, hey, I was making garlic bread. It'll smell like, I smell cheese toast. What is it? A cheese toast? And then you look down, it's like, oh, no. Yeah, that's my nush. And I was thinking while I was standing over the urinal, I was in Beverly Hills today, like some shishi salon doing some man show bit. And I saw every other guy was wearing leather pants. Oh yeah. And I thought to myself, you know, I wear, no way, I wear a pair of cotton shorts on a windy day. My nuts smell like hell, like hell. Like if I wore a pair of leather pants for more than an hour and a half, my nuts, take the room down. Well, like a, like a rendering plant in Calcutta, you know, I'd drop my pants, big vapor would just come out of there, big steamy vapor. I can't, what is it, what is that? I've never worn leather pants.

1:27:41 Caller Drew, you've never, never.

1:27:43 Adam Keith? Keith?

1:27:44 Caller I have worn leather, pleather pants.

1:27:46 Adam Do your nuts smell more coming out of those?

1:27:49 Caller Um, I tend not to have that problem.

1:27:52 Drew Yeah, I don't either. Not everyone's nuts smell. Mine smell like lilacs.

1:27:56 Adam Really? No. Drew, they don't. We have been on the road many times. And I can tell you, certainly from behind, they don't smell like lilacs. I'll tell you that right now.

1:28:12 Drew I'm so ashamed. I'm so embarrassed.

1:28:14 Adam If I hadn't had the 11 wine coolers you forced down me before our intimate moment, I probably would have wrecked them to smell.

1:28:23 Drew I'm sorry I put the GHB in those drinks.

1:28:25 Caller I'm sorry.

1:28:28 Adam All right. We need to hear something from Vertical Horizon.

1:28:31 Drew Oh.

1:28:31 Adam Yes. Drew, you're excited.

1:28:33 Drew Does that mean I can go home?

1:28:35 Adam No. No, it doesn't. And where's home? You're in Houston.

1:28:39 Drew I got to get up in four hours.

1:28:40 Adam Why?

1:28:41 Drew Because I'm coming back.

1:28:42 Adam No. Yeah. I know. You're staying awake and you're staying in the whole goddamn show. Do you hear me? How dare you even think about skating out? Vertical Horizon is just as tired as we all are and they're hanging here. That's right. You know why they're hanging? Because we're going to play something off the CD. We queued up there, Anderson.

1:28:58 Drew Something you forgot to play a half hour ago?

1:28:59 Adam Yes. This is called Best I've Ever Had.

1:29:03 Vertical Horizon A lot of people here tonight.

1:29:06 Adam That is Vertical Horizon off of Everything You Want. Drew's in it. He's in it. Drew, let's just pound one more call before we go to break.

1:29:13 Drew All right. Let's pick one.

1:29:14 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Number one.

1:29:17 Drew Number one?

1:29:18 Caller Okay.

1:29:18 Drew Go. Take it.

1:29:19 Adam Dave? You're 21?

1:29:22 Caller Yes.

1:29:22 Caller What's going on, guys?

1:29:24 Adam Girl, you're dating smelling downstairs?

1:29:27 Caller Yeah. Last Monday, she came over to my house, and I guess we had a good time and whatnot. And then Friday, she came over, and I went down there, and I noticed it was a little bit ripe.

1:29:41 Drew Have you been sexually acted before her?

1:29:43 Caller Yeah.

1:29:44 Drew Well, guess what? The reason she is ripened...

1:29:48 Caller Yeah.

1:29:48 Drew And you had sex with her before she had ripened, as you say?

1:29:51 Caller Pardon.

1:29:53 Caller Well, no. We've only had sex like two times. The first time...

1:29:56 Drew I understand. But it was after your contact with her that you noticed the smell.

1:30:00 Adam Blame the guy.

1:30:01 Drew Well, the fact is, you probably transmitted something like Trichomonas to her or Gardnarella.

1:30:06 Adam She could just be having a bad day.

1:30:08 Vertical Horizon It sounds like it might have been...

1:30:09 Caller You're saying I could transmit something to her?

1:30:11 Drew Yes, you probably did. That's what I would bet. Not unless you used a condom, such as Trichomonas or Gardnarella.

1:30:16 Adam Did you use a condom?

1:30:18 Drew It's like an STD, but it's not a classic STD. It's a vaginitis, and sometimes men harbor these organisms, and they don't really cause an infection in the men. But in the woman, after you have sex, they get in there and start growing, and they cause a smell. So you got to get her to the doctor to get her treated. For her cream, we'll take care of it.

1:30:33 Adam Listen, give her another try. She could have had a bad day.

1:30:36 Vertical Horizon Yeah, I got the impression it was a one-time thing.

1:30:38 Adam Yeah, give her another try, please, Drew. Don't freak the guy out. Everyone has a bad day. You know what I mean? I'm my vaginist head. If I had a nickel for every bad day my vaginist had, I'd be a rich whore. All right, we'll take a break.

1:30:50 Vertical Horizon Wouldn't that be a good day?

1:30:51 Adam All right. Yes, the rich whore day. Yes. All right. That is it. David Alan Greer. Tomorrow night, Dr. Drew, a rare personal appearance here on Loveline. Everything You Want is the name of the CD from Vertical Horizon. I want to thank you guys for coming in. We do appreciate it.

1:31:15 Caller Thank you.

1:31:16 Adam You're on a grind and we do appreciate you coming by. It's always nice to see you.

1:31:20 Vertical Horizon I figured the secret out. It's a piece of cake. Have your guy in there who's probably making way too much money. Just gaffer tape the wire to the top of the table. That's it for the screen. Gone. And it will come back in a second. Son of a bitch.

1:31:35 Adam Ed, you really know how to make money. There it is.

1:31:37 Caller All right.

1:31:37 Adam Anderson is not making way too much money. But getting paid anything at all is way too much for Anderson. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:31:47 Drew Here's how it looks when you're just watching the person on the other end of conversation with you.

1:31:50 Caller Yeah. But Adam, please.

1:31:57 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, November 14, 2000