Episode 1000754887032

2:33 Caller No, we haven't put anything. Your dog's getting sick, it's your fault, man.

8:32 You're listening to Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Bug.

8:36 Caller All the stars, all the entertainment and excitement you're looking for is right here.

8:49 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

8:55 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

9:02 Voiceover Yep, it is Loveline, Coast to Coast. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there, Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and an addiction medicine specialist.

9:15 That it?

9:15 Adam Recovered? Dynamite Hack is our guest tonight. We have Chad Robinson and Mark Morris, both in here from the band.

9:24 Sounds like a real crowd.

9:25 Adam We will rotate some other members of Dynamite Hack in here before the night is through, but for now it will be Chad and Mark. You can find these guys out in Anaheim tomorrow at the Sun Theatre and then on tour with Eve Six who we've had in here a few times and of course Goldfinger. Goldfinger.

9:45 Dynamite Hack A lovable Goldfinger. Yeah, Kelly, the bassist told us about you.

9:48 Adam Oh yeah?

9:48 Dynamite Hack Said you unloaded all your old porn on him.

9:51 Adam Oh yeah.

9:52 Drew You had a part of exchange, didn't you?

9:53 Adam No, I brought in a bag.

9:55 Drew I remember that.

9:56 Adam I brought in a bag of porn last time Goldfinger came in here and dropped it off.

10:01 Drew Of exchanging.

10:02 Adam Normally, I trade porn, but because I like those guys so much, it was a freebie for the Goldfinger guys. And Eve Six, those are the guys who got signed when they were in the mother's womb, I think.

10:15 Drew Yeah.

10:16 Adam They were like 6, 9, and 11. Are they still that young? Oh my God.

10:22 Drew How did the bass player, what was his name, Kelly, make it out of here with Darren swooping in on that porn?

10:28 Adam Well, because I gave Darren a fair amount of porn too.

10:31 Drew He just shot a bright light in his eyes while they're getting ready to leave.

10:35 Adam I used one of those sun-timing lights they used to set to dwell on your car.

10:40 Oh, you want.

10:42 Adam But enough about Goldfinger and Naive Six. We'll talk about that Dynamite Hack. So I was talking to your record label guy a little earlier and he said that you guys were originally, well, not originally, but sort of discovered through Farm Club. There's another group who we've had on this show a few times.

11:01 Drew farmclub.com, folks? Yeah, we had Pat Penfield and Ali Landry. Ali Landry. Right.

11:09 Adam So now, how did that work?

11:12 Dynamite Hack Really?

11:12 Adam Or did it?

11:13 Dynamite Hack It really wasn't like through the label. It was kind of like we got on the radio and they came a-calling with everyone else.

11:21 Adam FarmClub came a-calling.

11:23 Dynamite Hack Universal came a-calling and then we're like, well, if we're going to go with Universal, we should go with the guys with the TV show. And Ali Landry. Right. And Ali Landry and Penfield.

11:31 Adam So this is the first CD, right? That's it. And Superfast, by the way, is the name of the CD. And it got some play just initially in Texas. Right. And then the phone started ringing. And here we are.

11:45 Dynamite Hack Oh, yeah.

11:47 Adam That's great.

11:47 Dynamite Hack It's really weird.

11:49 Adam And I was saying to your record guy, though, how do you I mean, I guess he was saying in back in the day, and this is the way I understood it. You'd get signed and then you'd make a CD. But now you make a CD and then you get signed. Is it true?

12:03 Dynamite Hack Yeah. Isn't it weird?

12:04 Adam Well, how do you make a CD without that support?

12:07 Lots of...

12:07 Drew You need a desktop.

12:09 Desktop.

12:10 Dynamite Hack Acid Pro, which is a programming tool.

12:12 Drew What they don't... What you don't have is a marketing department.

12:15 Adam Oh, right.

12:15 Drew That's what you get.

12:17 Adam Oh, man.

12:17 Dynamite Hack You miss the marketing and the lawyers.

12:20 Adam So, and here's the question then I have. When you make the CD, you get some airplay, you get signed to a label.

12:27 Dynamite Hack Right.

12:27 Adam Now, they have you. What do they do to the CD? Do they re-engineer it? Do they mess with it? How different is this CD then?

12:34 Dynamite Hack What words can we say on the air, Eddie? They take the word nigger out, first of all. That's the very first thing they do. You don't want that word floating around. There's no other word so divisive.

12:46 Adam That was the title of the CD originally. And so they clean it up a little. They sterilize it a little. But what about the sound? I mean, do they mess with that much?

12:57 Dynamite Hack They make it a little better. They give you a little bit of money to go in and hire some bigwigs to make it sound a little bigger, a little better.

13:05 Drew And we get to remix it.

13:06 Adam Is that okay? That's a good thing though, right?

13:08 Yeah, we were happy to do it.

13:10 Adam Right, because when you originally did it, you didn't have the environment, the budget, all that.

13:15 Dynamite Hack We had a day to mix it or something like that.

13:16 Drew That's right.

13:17 Dynamite Hack Right.

13:18 Adam All right. So I think we should hear something off of this CD because people may not necessarily be familiar with you just yet by name, but they'll certainly know this song and then we'll come back and they'll go, Oh yeah, it's those guys. It's those guys. You cued up there, Anderson?

13:34 Drew Was that a nutmeg?

13:34 Adam With both hands holding up and shaking them vigorously means no? Bet you are now. Right? All right. This is Dynamite Hack and this is Boys in the Hood. These little boys in the hood from Dynamite Hack. SuperFast is the name of the CD. And like I said, they're going to be all over the place with Goldfinger and Yves Six. And that's going to be a fun show. I guarantee it. So go catch them. And I'll give you some heads up on some cities where they're going to be soon. All right, so let's get to the phones. What do you say, Ryan?

17:15 Let's go.

17:16 Adam DJ?

17:17 Hey.

17:17 Adam What's up?

17:18 You're 14.

17:19 Yep. I wanted to know if I masturbate a lot because my dad, I used to walk in on him when I was little or masturbating into porn and crap.

17:30 Yeah.

17:31 Drew Well, you masturbate because you're a teenager. Yeah.

17:35 Adam What are you good for a day?

17:37 Oh, probably about five or six.

17:39 Drew So maybe that's what's heated it up a little bit.

17:41 Adam Pushing the envelope a little, but...

17:43 Drew There's no doubt that seeing so normal... Seeing sexual material at a sort of a tender age can, it appears, hypersexualize people. It's as though something happens biologically that sort of heats it up or turns you off, frankly, goes by the other.

17:58 Adam Where was he? Was he in the living room or the bedroom?

18:01 Oh, he'd be in the living room, piece of crap. I hated him.

18:06 Drew I think that's more of the issue, the aggression that you feel about your dad and then with that being converted into a sort of sexual impulse, that's where all this is coming from.

18:14 Adam Your dad was poor. He only won VCR, right?

18:17 Yeah.

18:18 Adam Yeah. See, that's the problem. Wherever, I've said this a million times, Drew, we talk to people all the time. Roommates are arguing over where the VCR goes, is it going to my room, to my room? Male roommates. Yeah, male roommates do this. The point is, I always say, don't put it in your room because wherever the VCR is becomes the designated jack zone for the house. And you may think, you may have won the battle, but you'll lose the war. Because every stinking second you're out of that apartment, rest assured, your roommate's jacking off, probably using your pajamas to mom self down, he's in your bed. You put that, the problem is though, you put it in the living room, and that becomes the designated J-zone.

19:00 And now dad's on the couch.

19:01 Adam And now dad's on the sofa, and the kid's walking in through the front door.

19:05 Drew With friends. Yeah, and DJ, this is how sexual compulsion gets going. So, if you could talk to your counselor's school, you could talk to somebody about this.

19:14 Adam DJ, do you still live with your dad?

19:17 I'm trying to get out of the house, but he keeps fighting my mom for custody.

19:22 Drew Don't you have any choice in the matter?

19:24 They keep asking me if I want it, but every time I say I want to go to my mom, my dad brings up some other thing about her that they have to go back to court for it.

19:34 Drew Can you ask for any sort of private audience with the judge who's making these decisions? Ask to say I want to talk to you, judge, myself?

19:41 I never knew I could do that.

19:42 Drew Why don't you try something like that? Just see.

19:44 Adam What else? Why is your dad such an a-hole other than the masturbation in the living room?

19:50 He's just, like, if I have a friend over or something, he'll tell us that we gotta leave because he wants to have a girl come over.

19:57 Adam I see.

19:58 How old is he, just for laughs?

20:00 I don't know. I have no idea.

20:02 Drew 30?

20:02 Adam 29.

20:03 Yeah. I think he's probably, he's in his, he's like 35, probably.

20:09 Drew By the way, do we need to know any more than he masturbates in front of his kids?

20:12 Adam Well, the VCR is in the living room. I gotta defend the guy.

20:16 Dynamite Hack They need to make a waterproof when you put in the bathroom. Uh-oh.

20:20 Adam This could be the next step to my laminated porn.

20:23 Dynamite Hack You know what? I did that after hearing you talk about it.

20:26 Adam Did you?

20:26 Dynamite Hack Yeah.

20:27 Adam Yeah, you laminated. A lot of guys do it in the shower when they're getting ready to go to work in the morning. And unfortunately, it's really the best place to do it. I mean, you've never had more drainage per square foot than in the shower. I mean, in that area.

20:42 There's receptacles everywhere in the bathroom.

20:44 Right.

20:44 Adam You could plug it. They all have those GFI receptacles, the ground force interrupt ones, you know, so you don't fry if the thing falls into the tub with you.

20:54 Drew I see.

20:54 Right.

20:54 Adam You could have a little a little one of the space saver sort of mount units that goes up under the counter. You do it in yellow. Well, you can have everything that's waterproof is yellow.

21:04 Drew Yeah, exactly.

21:05 Adam Watch Walkman camera, anything that they make water. I don't even think they waterproof. I think they just spray paint normal stuff yellow and it becomes waterproof now. I don't know who decided it was yellow, but somebody came out with like a Walkman 20 years ago that was waterproof and now it's all it's got to be yellow.

21:23 Drew Mark it up. You can see it mounted up sort of towards the ceiling.

21:27 Adam Yeah.

21:27 Drew Yeah. And a little remote control, waterproof, yellow, remote control, waterproof with a tether because that could fall in the toilet very easily.

21:36 Dynamite Hack Damn. Are we taking this to the next level?

21:38 Adam Yeah. But did you actually laminate porn like it suggested? Wow, that's nice. Just magazine pages kind of thing?

21:45 Dynamite Hack Yeah, just a page I found. That's good.

21:47 Adam You laminate it and you bring it in to the shower with you, right?

21:50 Dynamite Hack Yeah, but you put a, it's like soap on a rope. Right. You have it to where it can hang from the shower head. It's at a nice eye level.

21:57 Adam Nice.

21:58 Why?

21:58 Adam I never thought I'd run into a solution.

22:00 Dynamite Hack The thing is, you got to remember to aim at a point on the shower wall that you can hit with the shower head.

22:06 Right, right.

22:07 Dynamite Hack You know, if you get the corner to the left of the shower on that side, you can't hit it.

22:11 Adam No, I'm saying the water won't double back.

22:13 Drew Before you begin dating Chad, you must break up with Jimmy.

22:16 Adam That's right.

22:17 Drew Okay.

22:18 Adam Sorry, Jimmy.

22:18 Drew You found your new life partner here.

22:20 Adam Jeez, I hope he wasn't listening. You're your soulmate. I didn't want him to hear it this way, but all right. It's not like that, Jimmy.

22:25 Drew You're soulmate, Adam.

22:26 Adam Yeah. I would even, to make it a sport, I would take a little suction cups, put them on the back of a laminated bullseye, and stick that on just above the soap dish or something. That would be great. Oh, man. Damian?

22:41 Hey.

22:42 Adam Hey, you're 19.

22:43 Caller Dynamite Hack, you rock.

22:45 Caller Thanks, man.

22:46 Adam You want to hear something great. Jimmy's cousin, Sal, he found a way to, you know, that's what I love about men. This is one of the greatest inventors in the world. He actually made a audio cassette tape of like Debbi Does Dallas so he could hear it while he was in the shower having himself.

23:05 Caller That's so simple, but yet.

23:07 Adam It's diabolical. Yeah. Damian?

23:10 Caller Yeah.

23:10 Adam I'm sorry. Go ahead.

23:11 Caller I got to scrap these dudes while I was on Ecstasy.

23:14 And like ever since then, like I get off hella quick.

23:17 Caller I can't last more than 10 minutes. And before that I was all good for like however long.

23:22 Caller Yeah.

23:22 Drew How long ago did this happen?

23:24 About two months ago.

23:26 Adam You got in a fight while you're high on ecstasy?

23:29 Caller I got hit in the head with a skateboard.

23:31 Drew Were you unconscious?

23:33 Caller No, not really. No.

23:34 Drew Did you have any loss of memory?

23:36 Caller Um, no.

23:37 Caller I remember it all. I like went down, went out for like a couple of seconds. I think.

23:42 Drew Sleep problems afterwards?

23:43 Caller Um, yeah, kind of.

23:45 Drew Anxiety, nervousness, depression, things like that?

23:48 Caller Not really.

23:49 Drew Well, Pete, you know, in our sort of...

23:52 Adam Is that going to affect you?

23:54 Drew Oh, yeah.

23:54 Adam Down there?

23:55 Drew Oh, yeah. Listen. Really? In our sort of culture, in the media, people get bonked in the head and get knocked out and say, no big deal.

24:01 Adam Well, not in the media. That's Gilligan's Island.

24:03 Drew It's Gilligan's Island. It's Wild West.

24:05 Dynamite Hack Coconut hits you in the head.

24:06 Adam You get hit in the head with a coconut.

24:08 Drew And you wake up.

24:08 Adam You can't remember who you are. And so you take another blunt force trauma, trauma to the head with another coconut in order to restore your memory.

24:17 Drew Usually delivered by a monkey.

24:19 Adam True. Wouldn't it be great if medicine really worked that way? Like someone's horribly injured in an auto accident.

24:23 Drew Injured them again.

24:24 Adam Put them back on the road, throw the car off the cliff again. They come back. They're right back where they were.

24:28 Drew It's perfect. But any concussion, which it means a loss, an alteration of sensorium after a head injury, which you lose consciousness. You have some memory difficulty. You lose track of where you are. Anything like that. You can have all kinds of amazing symptoms that can go on for months, even a lifetime after that.

24:46 Adam Well, don't freak the kid out.

24:48 Drew I think he's having a mild post-concussive syndrome, but difficulty with mood and anxiety and irritability and sleep problems.

24:54 Adam All right. So what's he going to do? Ride this one out or get a PET scan or something?

24:59 Drew You ought to talk to a doc about it, just because there are things that can be done pharmacologically if it gets bad. But it's usually something that resolves in a couple of months.

25:05 Caller All right.

25:06 Drew Without a big deal. All right.

25:07 Caller Is it going to be permanent?

25:08 Drew I really don't.

25:09 Adam No.

25:09 Drew I don't know.

25:10 Adam But he's taking the X too.

25:12 Drew I have seen so many concussions. You must have had a concussion in football. And in fact, I've had a lot.

25:19 Adam I think I've had quite a few concussions. It can affect you.

25:23 Drew I've had kids sort of at a school, lean back in a chair and hit their head and get these, just get laughing or fooling around and get some really substantial syndromes.

25:32 Adam The pussies, all of them, because I had, I had a, I had a concussions playing football, I had concussions boxing or I don't know if they're concussions, but you know, knocked out and stuff. Fine.

25:43 Drew That's a concussion.

25:44 Adam I'm a genius.

25:44 Dynamite Hack Yeah, that's a point.

25:46 Adam Look at me, I'm a genius. God knows what I could have been though had I not had all that trauma.

25:50 Dynamite Hack Yeah, that VCR would already be made.

25:52 Adam John, yeah, the waterproof VCR.

25:54 Oh, the yellow one.

25:56 Adam John, you're 18. What's up?

26:00 Caller Well, anyway, I'm not at my supposedly girlfriend because like, all right, it's not so much about like the flirting and much, but it just, it feels like I can't trust her.

26:12 Drew And that would be an energy that many, many 17, 18 year old males have that feeling of jealousy.

26:18 Adam Is she doing something to bring that on?

26:21 Well, not really, actually.

26:22 Caller All right.

26:23 Caller Well, good.

26:23 Adam Get over it then. Cindy, well, she's not doing anything. What do you want us to say?

26:28 Drew He has to get over it.

26:29 Caller I think we all go through that.

26:30 Drew Well, yeah, but he has to find ways to take care of himself and get his mind off of that crap.

26:33 Adam Let me tell you something. What guys don't realize is when you're 18, hell, when you're 22, 23 as a guy, you got a lot of energy.

26:41 Drew Oh yeah.

26:42 Adam And it is aggression and it is testosterone. And it comes out in the forms of getting in street fights and being jealous and arguments. All that kind of stuff. And you have a ton of energy and it goes right into the relationship. And there's all that, who were you with before me? And who's that guy in your prom picture? And what did you guys do that night? And who are you talking to? And who's on the other thing? And for some, magically, it goes away. Now you do lose your will to live, but it's worth it. I mean, I lost my will to live, but on the other hand, there's so much comfortable.

27:17 Drew You're very comfortable, but wouldn't you agree that taking care of his own ass, taking that energy and channeling it in productive ways, he'd feel much better about himself. A lot of that stuff would settle down.

27:25 Adam Yes, I would agree with that. Cindy?

27:28 Yes?

27:28 Adam You're 19?

27:29 Caller Uh-huh.

27:29 Adam What's up?

27:30 Caller I live with my boyfriend, but I'm extremely attracted to one of his friends. And if I just leave him, I won't have a place to stay. So I don't know what to do.

27:40 Drew Why can't you take care of yourself?

27:43 Caller Because I don't come from... I live in Kansas.

27:48 Drew Well, that explains. Adam, of course.

27:51 Adam I was going to say, are you from Kansas?

27:53 Caller Well, my parents are from there, and they're over there. I have no one here except for my boyfriend. So if I break up with him, I don't earn that much money, so I can't go find my own place to stay. But I really, really like his friends.

28:05 Drew But isn't this sort of a...

28:07 Adam Where's he or by the way?

28:08 Caller He's with his friends right now.

28:10 Drew Now, where is he? Where is he?

28:11 Adam You know, you're on a phone, right?

28:14 Caller Yeah.

28:14 Adam What state is that phone in?

28:17 Caller It's right here in LA., California.

28:18 Adam Okay.

28:19 Caller Okay.

28:20 Adam Nineteen-year-old girl can get a job, you know.

28:23 Caller I do have a job, but it's not enough for me to go and get my own place.

28:26 Adam Well, maybe if we all pooled our money and sent you out a stipend each month, you could get your own place.

28:34 Caller Yeah, but it doesn't really work that way.

28:36 Adam Oh, it doesn't? Yeah, you're right.

28:37 Dynamite Hack Damn, that'd be nice. If only I could count on the check every week.

28:40 Adam Yeah. Well, why don't we just give you a big lump sum and then you bring it up.

28:43 Caller No, you see, go half-years on everything, go rent everything. So it's not like I'm living, living off of him.

28:50 Adam All right, but you don't, yes, you have a job. You need a better job. How much you make a week?

28:59 Caller About 200.

29:00 Adam What are you doing? World's cheapest prostitute. Seriously, what do you do?

29:05 Caller I am not like that. I'm just, I've never thought this way of all guys before.

29:09 I'm just really attracted to this friend.

29:11 Drew Listen, do you have any other friends?

29:13 Yes.

29:13 Drew Couldn't you perhaps get together with one of those friends and create a living arrangement that will be a little healthier? Not a male, another female friend, and together, two or three of you, one or two of you, get together and get another household? And this, this very dependent and unhealthy situation you can undo?

29:31 Adam We don't know what your question is.

29:33 Caller Well, whether I should like, I don't know, because it's kind of hard to just leave him. I mean, should I just like, totally ignore his friend and not be around him so I won't feel this way?

29:42 Drew You should get out of that, you should get out of the living situation you're in. And in the meantime, yes, get away from that friend before you create some chaos.

29:50 Adam You can't get something going with his friend while you're living with this guy.

29:53 Caller Yeah, that's, I don't know. I want to do that, you know, I'm a teenager, the homeowner.

29:57 Drew Cindy, move out of that living situation. Find another friend that you can live with or move in with Adam.

30:02 Adam All right, why did you move out from Kansas?

30:05 Caller Because it's boring over there.

30:07 Adam I see. All right, you can't make that, you can't make the big box over there, like the 200 bucks a week.

30:12 You see, I, let me.

30:14 Drew All right. At the plaza.

30:15 Adam What do you do, seriously, what do you do that pays you? But it's part time, isn't it?

30:20 Yes, it is.

30:20 Caller All right. I have to go to school too.

30:22 Adam No, you don't. What are you studying for?

30:24 I want to be a teacher.

30:25 Adam No way. No way I want you around kids.

30:28 Caller Why not?

30:29 Adam It's very dangerous. You'll you'll warp their fragile minds. Oh, yes.

30:34 Caller Let it fill me.

30:35 Adam Yeah, listen, you're not going to put you in office, man. You're going to junior college. You're not going to school.

30:41 Caller No, I'm going to college.

30:42 Adam No, you're going to junior college.

30:44 Caller No.

30:44 Adam What's what college you're going to?

30:46 Caller Long Beach State.

30:47 Adam No, that's a four year junior college over there.

30:50 Caller Please. Please. How dare you?

30:53 Caller What college did you go to, Adam?

30:55 Adam I went to the school of A and B carpet cleaning Institute in Van Nuys, California.

31:02 Caller Proof to you I'm smarter. All right.

31:05 Adam But who's the millionaire, honey? That's right..org That's right.

31:10 Caller All right.

31:10 Adam Two hundred bucks a week. How smart can you be?

31:12 Caller So should I do this guy or not?

31:13 Drew Cindy. Cindy. Cindy.

31:15 Caller That's what I'm asking.

31:16 Drew All right. Yes. That's what I'm asking. Who do you want? I thought I gave you a clear direction. OK, fine.

31:23 Dynamite Hack She wants to hear yes.

31:24 Drew Yeah, we're not going to say you want to hear yes.

31:26 Dynamite Hack Yes.

31:27 Drew You know, do what you want.

31:28 Adam It's not hook up with this guy until you get out of that situation. You know, she doesn't like the guy. She's got to get a friend or roommate move out to school. You know, she doesn't go to Long Beach stage. I know she doesn't go there. Get her back. Cindy.

31:42 Dynamite Hack Yeah, that's right.

31:43 Adam That's right. She had to doodle on her peachy folder. She didn't have time for this. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Dynamite Hacks is our guest tonight. And when we come back through, we're going to talk to you. We'll talk to Steve bumped into his girlfriend at a massage parlor. Wow. This is going to be good after this. Yeah, my mic on?

32:41 Caller Thank you.

32:43 Adam It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew Dynamite Hacks, the name of the band that is in here. Superfast is the name of the CD, we have Chad Mark.

32:52 Drew UT, what was the other place you spoke in Texas?

32:54 Dynamite Hack A&M. The Aggie City, the agricultural people.

32:58 Adam No, we weren't at A&M, I thought we were at that other school, like a smaller Texas school.

33:03 Drew We were at Austin, and then we went down to Texas A&M, right?

33:06 Dynamite Hack To Bryan College Station.

33:07 Adam Maybe I'm thinking of Alabama.

33:08 Drew No, we went to Texas A&M, remember with the, howdy?

33:11 Caller Oh, that would be it.

33:12 Dynamite Hack That could have been anywhere.

33:14 Adam Oh, that was them, oh, we were just there.

33:15 Caller Yeah, three or four thumbs in the whole town.

33:17 Adam It was great, I said-

33:19 Caller Not a thumb between them.

33:20 Adam There were like 2,000 people out there, and you go, howdy? And they go, hey! Like in unison, the whole unison.

33:26 Caller Yeah.

33:27 Adam Like out of a movie.

33:28 Dynamite Hack Yeah, that was a big adventure when they do that.

33:30 Drew No, and so there's never any downtime.

33:33 Adam No, because anytime I don't have anything good to say, I just say, howdy.

33:36 Caller And I was, howdy!

33:38 Adam And even when they're mad at me, like they got mad at me because I said something, I don't know what I said, but they were hissing.

33:44 Drew Yeah.

33:44 Adam They hiss over there.

33:46 Caller Really?

33:46 Adam They're doing something, they're going, they're going sssssss, like 2,000 people, and they're in the middle of hissing, and I went, howdy.

33:52 Caller And they went, oh, howdy.

33:55 Have mom's dog.

33:56 Adam They have to.

33:57 Caller It doesn't matter.

33:58 Adam You could be in a knockdown, drag out argument with your girlfriend's dad and just say howdy in the middle of it.

34:06 Caller Stop some business tracks.

34:07 Adam And they have to stop, put the shotgun down and say howdy. Yeah, it was great. Alright, Steve.

34:14 Caller Yo.

34:15 Adam 28.

34:16 Caller How's it going?

34:16 Adam You went to a massage parlor.

34:18 Caller Yeah.

34:19 Adam And you saw your girlfriend there.

34:21 Caller Can you believe that?

34:22 Adam Sort of. What was she doing there?

34:25 Dynamite Hack What were you doing there?

34:26 Caller What do you think I was doing? Every guy goes there.

34:30 Caller I had a rough day.

34:32 Dynamite Hack What town is this? I know it working.

34:34 Adam You had a rough day.

34:35 Caller In the Valley.

34:37 Adam In the San Fernando Valley?

34:38 Caller Uh-huh.

34:39 Adam Whereabouts?

34:40 Caller In Ventura. Really?

34:42 Drew Like in Sino?

34:43 Caller Where is it there?

34:44 Adam You must be west, right? Like...

34:46 Caller Well, I'm in Santa Monica, but I had to come out to the Valley.

34:51 Caller Yeah.

34:51 Caller So...

34:52 Adam What's city in the Valley?

34:54 Caller I don't want to say.

34:55 Drew I see.

34:56 Caller She might still be there.

34:57 Caller Yeah. All right.

34:59 Caller I mean, we've been going together for about two years now. She's a gorgeous Persian woman. Long black hair. So I go to the massage parlor. I'm getting the massage. Do my business. Get it done. And I got a little shower area there. So I take my shower. I come back. I walk into the wrong door. She's got this very distinctive tattoo on the center of her back, mind you.

35:26 Adam See, the massage parlor shower would be a good place for my yellow VCR, the waterproof one.

35:32 Drew Well, you could sell a bulk just to those kinds of organizations, right?

35:35 Dynamite Hack Really? Is there a bad shower for this idea? I don't think there is.

35:39 Adam No, but no, you're right.

35:42 Caller You're right.

35:42 Adam Yeah, the Pope's shower would be a good place.

35:44 Dynamite Hack You want the corporate accounts like that.

35:46 Caller Right.

35:46 Adam That's right. Steve? Sorry. So, you saw the tattoo, the distinctive tattoo in the middle of her back.

35:52 Caller Yeah, so I saw a distinctive tattoo in the middle of her back. She didn't turn around yet, but my point is, you know, she had her shirt off.

35:59 Adam Right. And she was working there.

36:01 Caller Yeah, she was working there.

36:03 Adam Now how do these things go? I've never been to a massage parlor.

36:07 Caller As far as this one, you go in, you pay some cash, you get naked and wait on the table and then they come in, put a towel on you and give you a massage.

36:19 Adam Yeah, but do you get the reach around with the happy release?

36:24 Caller Depends where you go.

36:27 Adam Yeah, I know there's legitimate spas. You go to them and get a rubdown at your check hole.

36:31 Caller It's all about the wording, man.

36:32 Caller It's all in Guido.

36:33 Adam All right.

36:34 Caller I hate Steve.

36:35 Adam Remember last night, I called in and we talked to some Guido who drove an iRoc and I said to him, you know, you're the reason women hate men. You blow hards. And then I said he was long winded and everyone started laughing in the next room because I'm long winded. I got to be the only radio host in the city that gets made fun of by his own people for talking too much. More dead air. Steve's another one of those pains in the ass. Hey, Steve.

37:05 Am I talking too much here?

37:07 Adam No, no. You just sound... I'm telling you, you're the reason women don't like me. Guys like you.

37:14 Caller Hey, one Cameron McCord gonna be on your show.

37:16 Adam You'll ruin it for all of us.

37:17 Caller All right, man.

37:18 Adam All right.

37:19 You should check it out. So anyway...

37:21 Adam All right, listen. So is she working there or not?

37:25 Caller Yeah, she is.

37:26 Adam All right. So you're broken up with her, right?

37:30 Caller No, I didn't do anything yet.

37:31 Dynamite Hack So how distinctive is this tattoo? I mean, is it one that no one else in the world will have?

37:36 Caller No, there's no way. It's like in the center of her back. It's like an eye. It's a red eye with a blue pupil. And it says bad inage like underneath it.

37:46 Adam Right.

37:46 Caller All right.

37:47 Adam You want to let's call her up. Let's get to the bottom of this.

37:51 Caller I can't do that.

37:52 Adam Why not?

37:52 Caller There's no way.

37:54 Dynamite Hack Come on.

37:54 Adam Well, someone's got to tell her.

37:56 Caller I mean, should I confront her about it?

37:58 Caller Should I just dump her?

37:59 Dynamite Hack You should call her right now. You should confront her right now.

38:01 Adam How are you going to confront her? Because then you're going to be incriminated as well, right?

38:06 Caller Yeah, I will.

38:07 Adam Or implicated.

38:08 Caller I'll say my friend went there.

38:10 Caller I mean...

38:10 Adam All right. Call her.

38:11 Caller I got like this disgusting little feel to me now because like every time, you know, I know that that hand's been like 500 other places.

38:21 Dynamite Hack Been the same place that you've been, right?

38:23 Caller Right.

38:23 Adam You got the hand too, right?

38:25 Caller Yeah, but that's okay.

38:26 Caller All right. All right.

38:27 Adam You know, see what I'm saying with Steve? He's the reason women distrust, don't like guy. That's the reason I can't get strippers to come back with me to the hotel.

38:36 Drew Because of Steve.

38:37 Adam Because of Steve. You know what I'm saying?

38:39 Drew They don't want to deal with that.

38:40 Adam Yeah. They're...

38:42 Drew They read Steve on you.

38:43 Adam Yeah. Everyone becomes Steve.

38:45 Dynamite Hack You reek of Steve.

38:46 Adam Yeah. It's like Steve. Yeah. He's another... I bet he's a Steve type.

38:51 Caller Yeah. I don't know.

38:53 Adam Talk to her. Oh, who cares? Do we really care? Are we heartbroken that Steve's relationship is not working out?

38:57 Dynamite Hack I think he should just hire her himself and then they could both...

39:00 Drew Are we shocked that Steve would be with somebody that is hiding something from him?

39:03 Adam No. Susie?

39:04 Yeah?

39:05 Adam You're 17?

39:06 Caller Yeah. I was wondering if I could make a fart noise for Adam.

39:08 Adam Yes, you can. Hold on one second. Imagine the woman that would seriously date Steve.

39:13 Drew Yeah, that's the point.

39:14 Adam Close your eyes for a second. Just picture that girl.

39:16 Caller Okay.

39:16 Drew And then think of the big red eye on her back.

39:18 Caller Right. Okay.

39:19 Well, let me tell you this.

39:21 Caller I don't have the talent to fart on command.

39:23 So this is something I can make in my throat.

39:26 Caller Okay.

39:26 Adam Well, now hold on.

39:27 Dynamite Hack That's really a burp, isn't it?

39:29 Adam Yeah, that is a burp.

39:30 Caller It's not a burp.

39:32 Adam It's not a burp.

39:32 Caller It's not a burp.

39:33 Adam Well, what do you think it is?

39:34 Dynamite Hack I'm not going to tell you this.

39:35 Adam Well, let's hear it.

39:36 Caller Okay.

39:37 Caller All right.

39:37 Caller I don't know if I could do it though.

39:40 Drew I'm very excited. Just swallow it.

39:46 Caller Yeah, it sounds like I'm going to throw up.

39:47 Caller All right.

39:48 Adam All right, Susie. You call us back when you can break wind on command, all right?

39:52 Caller Okay. Well, anyway, well, my question is, I'm really afraid of talking to people and...

39:57 Adam Yeah, you do sound like a wallflower. Hey, I'll do one of my throw farts for you.

40:01 Caller Hold on.

40:03 Adam Is it that laugh?

40:05 Drew Could you have social phobia?

40:08 Caller I don't know. I'm fine with my friends. It's just I have such a hard time meeting people and making new friends.

40:16 Dynamite Hack It just sounds like you're 17 to me. I had a tough time when I was 17, you know, being outgoing.

40:24 Drew I think I would pretty much...

40:25 Adam Yeah, everyone feels awkward at 17. Yeah, it's alright.

40:28 Dynamite Hack I feel awkward at 27.

40:30 Adam Did guys come up and ask you out?

40:32 Caller Did they talk to you?

40:33 No.

40:34 Adam Do you... What's wrong with you?

40:37 Caller I'm just really antisocial.

40:39 I really can't talk to people. I like to go to concerts and everything, but I can't...

40:43 Adam You're dressing black. You got a lot of piercings.

40:45 Caller No, I don't.

40:46 Adam You don't screw yourself up?

40:48 Drew No, she doesn't mean antisocial. She means difficulty being social.

40:52 Adam Yeah, I just mean, are you running on all eight cylinders physically?

40:57 Yeah, I think I'm pretty good.

40:58 Dynamite Hack But you don't like people to come talk to you?

41:00 Huh?

41:01 Dynamite Hack You don't like it when people come talk to you? Well, then it's cool then. If no one comes up and you don't like it, then you're perfect.

41:06 Drew Meet people through your friends.

41:07 Adam You got your wish.

41:08 Drew Friends of friends.

41:09 Adam Do you have any friends?

41:10 Dynamite Hack A couple.

41:12 Caller Very many.

41:12 Adam Well, why don't you make a few more friends? I don't know.

41:16 Caller It's really hard for me to do that.

41:17 Adam Listen, you're 17. We don't care.

41:20 Drew No, wait a minute. The point is, though, that, Susie, there are social phobias, and some people can be improved with a medication like Paxil, but the fact is, at 17, everyone's trying to figure out how to negotiate the social setting and how to meet new people and how to feel okay about themselves amongst their peers. The easiest thing to do is to find common interests and to meet people through your friends, to make a point of doing that.

41:44 Adam Right. See if you can find other folks that are scared of people and want to stay home.

41:47 Drew Yeah.

41:48 Dynamite Hack People hate people, party.

41:49 Adam Amber?

41:50 Caller Yeah.

41:50 Adam You're 14?

41:51 Caller Yeah.

41:52 Adam What's up?

41:53 Caller Well, like, I got raped when I was like six or seven, well, six, like, till I was like seven or so.

42:03 Adam From six to seven?

42:04 Caller Yeah. I like just turned six, like, a month after I just turned six until like I was all, like, so I was like seven and a half.

42:13 Adam Okay. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. What else?

42:17 Caller And like, it seemed like since then, I've, like, had something to do with being sexually active.

42:24 Adam Who did this to you?

42:26 Caller My stepfather.

42:27 Drew I remember earlier tonight, we were talking about how people become sexually compulsive and being sexualized at a young age is a way that that biology can be activated. So it is something, Amber, that you got to be really aware of. And so it needs to be treated because you'll end up putting yourself potentially in harm's way, making a lot of bad choices, doing things that are hurtful to you.

42:45 Adam Plus, your name's Amber. So you're already sort of in the hole sexually. I mean, that's a, that's a pretty promiscuous name, that Amber. What, what have you been doing so far?

42:55 Caller Well, like, I have been sexually active once, and like, I, I would like go through boyfriends, like, like every two months I'll have a new boyfriend. Each one of like, all, some of them I've made out with, like, one of them I, like, been sexually active with, and I like always talk on with some, like, saying I'll make out with you, like, you know.

43:16 Drew Amber, it's gotta be real difficult.

43:18 Adam Yeah, you're acting out.

43:19 Drew Yeah, difficult to know what to do with men when you've been so seriously violated at such a young age.

43:24 Adam Where's your stepdad now?

43:26 Caller He's in jail, actually, right now.

43:28 Adam Oh, that's good. Just visiting a friend, or is he actually incarcerated?

43:32 Caller He's been incarcerated.

43:34 Adam Good. What happened to him?

43:37 Caller I don't know.

43:38 Adam Tax evasion?

43:39 Caller I guess.

43:41 Adam What? Did you get him busted?

43:43 Caller Yeah.

43:44 Adam You did?

43:45 Caller Yeah.

43:45 Drew Oh, good.

43:46 Adam That's nice. You told your mom what happened?

43:49 Caller Yeah, but at first, you know, she didn't believe me till like a half a year later.

43:52 Adam Sure.

43:53 Drew How did she figure it out? How did she find out?

43:55 Caller Well, she figured it out because like he would always take me instead of like my little sister places and like he would like always want to like stay in my room at like nights and then come to her at like one o'clock in the morning after he's been in my room all night.

44:12 Adam Your mom's a regular Colombo.

44:15 Drew Was your mom sexually abused at one time?

44:17 Caller Yeah, when she's really little.

44:19 Drew Shocking.

44:20 Adam I am dumbfounded.

44:22 Dynamite Hack I don't think when they make an arrest and something like that, they don't make any arrangements for, you know, hooking the victim up with counseling or.

44:30 Drew Counseling is made by a guy named Ray who threatens sodomy for the next six months in jail.

44:37 Adam Did you get, no, we're talking about her.

44:39 Dynamite Hack For her.

44:41 Adam Not him, you idiot. We care about him.

44:43 Drew Oh no, it's amazing how little actually is done for this kind of thing.

44:47 Adam And Ray is a guy's middle name if he's in jail. You know, Billy Ray something. Hey Amber, so you didn't get any counseling?

44:56 Caller Well, I did. I was in it once right after that happened. And then I got put in foster care and I was in it again.

45:05 Drew It's kind of required a lot of in-person treatment.

45:08 Adam So you're acting out. So here's the first thing. And I know you need, we talked this stuff into the ground, but the first thing you need to do is not do anything. Just see if you can control yourself. Stop acting out. I mean, you're like an alcoholic who needs not to reach for that bottle. I know. I know. I know it ain't going to happen. But I'm trying to give Amber some sort of constructive direction here because she does not seem to have the wherewithal or maybe the ability to get financially or not. I mean, she doesn't have her own goddamn car.

45:43 Caller She's so fragmented.

45:44 Drew She's so fragmented. It's just she can't stop.

45:48 Adam Here's the thing about women, though. If they want to act out, they can act out. We were talking about this before. When I was 14, if I'd wanted to go on a sexual rampage, which you did, I'm sure I went on one with myself.

46:01 Dynamite Hack I mean, I wanted to.

46:02 Adam I wanted to. Yeah.

46:03 Dynamite Hack Just go out and do it.

46:04 Adam I couldn't do it. I mean, I could have been molested by every gardener in the state of California, and I'd still be 14 whacking off and crying in front of my yellow shower. The point is, is if you're 14 year old woman and it's time to act out, oh boy, watch the world is your oyster. There are many, many, many partners willing to dance.

46:32 Caller Yeah.

46:33 Adam You know what I'm saying?

46:33 Caller Oh yeah.

46:34 Adam And there's nothing that's going to stop them. I mean, they have to stop themselves. No one is going to stop them for them.

46:39 Drew Yeah, but they won't stop.

46:40 Adam They go to a party, there's going to be 117, 18 year old guys feeding them wine coolers. No one is going to say, My poor dear. Yeah. It's going to be like, Let's get to the van. I know it's just primered now, but I'm getting painted next week.

46:55 Drew Beautiful. Snow colored tiger.

46:58 Adam Right, snow tiger. Beach scene maybe? The point is, Amber needs to get to some help. And there's just no way to get around that. And in the meantime, stop it. Just see if you can stop it. I rarely say this, but can you find Jesus Christ?

47:15 Caller I don't know.

47:16 Adam He's in prison with your stepdad. Do you know that?

47:20 Caller No.

47:20 Adam Baby, you just got to stop acting out. You know what you're doing. Can you get some counseling and just go to some rape counseling thing?

47:28 Caller Open the phone book.

47:30 Adam Look under rape.

47:30 Caller Can you do that?

47:32 Adam There's a picture of Drew and then underneath it, no. Just go to the phone book and look under rape, right? Can you do that? Or you look in the front? Yeah.

47:41 Caller Well, I've been counseling to it before and it just like got me like more depressed.

47:45 Adam Well, that's how it works.

47:46 Drew Depression, yeah. It's not necessarily going to make you feel better in the short term. It actually makes you feel worse because if it were easy and felt good, you'd do it yourself. It's the feelings you don't want to get into that need to be dug through.

47:59 Adam That's why I don't get into those things.

48:00 Drew I know that.

48:01 Adam We're going to take our...

48:02 Dynamite Hack We're not doing it anymore.

48:03 Adam Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to go tomorrow, but I'm not going.

48:05 Drew Yeah, he goes, but he just talks about Dodger, you know...

48:08 Adam Oh, the Lakers. Come on. That was quite a hell of a run there for a while, the Lakers.

48:13 Drew I mean, in terms of real affect, forget it.

48:16 Adam Please. Listen, I pay him. I should give him 90 bucks and cry?

48:21 Caller Come on.

48:24 Caller All right.

48:24 Adam Dynamite Hack is our guest tonight.

48:25 Caller We'll take a little break.

48:26 Adam We'll be back after this.

48:31 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

49:15 Adam It is Loveline and Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew, Chad Mark, both here from Dynamite Hack.

49:20 Dynamite Hack Hello, hello, howdy.

49:21 Adam We will, Super Fast is the name of the CD. We'll hear something else off of that before the night is through. And we're gonna hop back to the phones and speak to Christina, who's 15. Christina.

49:34 Caller Oh, hi.

49:35 Dynamite Hack What's up?

49:36 Caller My question was, can you get pregnant from having dry sex?

49:41 Adam So there's gonna have to be some moisture introduced at some point.

49:44 Drew I was gonna say dry. Yeah, dry is the operant word here. You really mean dry?

49:47 Adam He sprinkles some powdered semen on your vagina?

49:51 Caller No. No.

49:52 Adam Carnation's making that now.

49:54 Caller Me and my boyfriend.

49:55 Adam It tastes just marginally better.

49:57 Dynamite Hack It's not just for breakfast anymore.

49:58 Adam Than their powdered milk.

50:00 Drew This powder, this evaporated semen.

50:02 Adam Yes. It's called condensed.

50:04 Drew Yeah. Evaporated condensed.

50:06 Adam Pet milk, they call it, I think.

50:07 Caller Yeah. Like, man, he had his pants on, his underwear on, and so did I. And we're like...

50:14 Caller Yeah.

50:15 Adam And you're humping, you're simulating the sex act?

50:18 Caller Yeah.

50:19 Adam Nice.

50:19 Drew I think you can...

50:21 Caller That's classy.

50:22 Dynamite Hack Nice. Give me a sec.

50:24 Drew What do you mean?

50:25 Adam Whatever happened to, you know, finger banging and dry humping, you know? Classy. We gotta get back to that.

50:32 Drew Christine, you should relax. It's okay.

50:34 Caller Okay.

50:35 Adam Did he have an orgasm?

50:37 Caller Yeah. I don't know.

50:38 Caller It just... We were just, you know...

50:41 Drew How do you figure you'd get pregnant?

50:43 Adam Did he, like, right in the middle of it go, I gotta go?

50:50 Caller No.

50:52 Adam Or did it just kind of coast to a stop?

50:54 Caller Yeah, like that. It just, you know, it just stopped.

50:57 Drew Christine, how would you figure that you'd get pregnant from this?

51:01 Caller I don't know. Like, I was reading a magazine and it said that you can get pregnant because it could go through the clothes, the sperm.

51:07 Drew I mean, that's sort of like if the only barrier between you and he is, like, underwear and just yours.

51:14 Adam Yeah.

51:14 Drew Then there's sort of a mathematical possibility there, but not like that.

51:17 Dynamite Hack It's still really, really...

51:18 Adam And he's using it in the sense that, like, you ever put, like, a handkerchief or something on your finger and ream your ear out with it? You know what I mean? I mean, if he's doing it, if he's doing that with his penis, I mean, the ear would be the vagina and the handkerchief would be the underpants. You know what I'm saying? He's doing something like that. If he's giving you the old bottle brush, that's one thing, but you're just rubbing on each other. And you're fine, Christina.

51:45 Caller Okay. Relax.

51:46 Drew But the fact that you have to ask that question suggests you are not ready to go beyond this.

51:50 Caller Yeah, I'm not.

51:51 Drew All right. There we go.

51:52 Caller Okay. All right.

51:53 Adam What about the oral sex? Is that going there?

51:56 Caller No. Good. And I'm not ready to go that far yet.

52:00 Caller All right.

52:00 Adam It's disgusting. Let me tell you.

52:02 Caller Oh my God.

52:03 Adam It's all salty. It's bad.

52:05 Drew High in calories.

52:06 Adam Very, very high. Yeah.

52:08 Dynamite Hack It's good for the actin tonight.

52:10 Adam Yeah.

52:10 Drew No, it's all mucus.

52:11 Adam Makes your ass bigger and you lose IQ points. All right.

52:16 Caller Okay.

52:17 Caller All right.

52:17 Caller I think.

52:18 Caller All right.

52:18 Adam Except for me, I'm like the family youth.

52:22 Caller Spread the word.

52:23 Caller I knew that had to be going somewhere.

52:26 Adam I'm 36 years young.

52:31 Dynamite Hack That was eerie.

52:34 Adam John Anderson.

52:37 Caller Yeah.

52:37 Adam On top of his game. What's up?

52:40 Caller Now on the path about like ejaculation.

52:43 Adam You come to the right place. You come on the right place.

52:46 Drew Ask.

52:47 Caller I'm like, when I masturbate, like I'm not sure if like enough like is coming out.

52:52 Drew Well, you're 14.

52:53 Caller Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure like it was because my age or like, or I do it too much.

52:56 Drew How often do you do it?

52:58 Caller Like three times a day.

52:59 Drew Why don't you back off a couple of days to see how it changes things.

53:02 Caller Should I?

53:02 Adam Is this just volume or do you go by weight? Like I'll have a, my hamper, a dry weight for my hamper. And then I'll measure it when it's fully, you know, laden with semen each week. And then of course deduct the dry weight from the laden weight. And that's where I have my number. Yeah. And I like to keep it about six, eight kilos a week. But if it falls beneath that, I do get nervous.

53:27 Caller I go for distance.

53:28 Dynamite Hack I know if I hold off a couple of days, I can really, I keep the other side of the room.

53:33 Adam Right. But always make sure the shower head can get there.

53:36 Drew Wherever it is you, you hit.

53:39 Caller Like do it to all.

53:40 Adam So Johnny, all right. Yeah, you're fine.

53:46 Caller I shouldn't worry.

53:46 Adam Not now. I worry about other things, but not that.

53:50 Caller All right.

53:50 Adam All right. All right. Ashley.

53:55 Caller Yeah.

53:55 Adam You're 14. What's up?

53:58 Caller I just wanted to know if smoking pot could stung your growth.

54:02 Drew There actually is some evidence about that.

54:04 Caller Okay.

54:05 Caller Cause like I heard it through a friend.

54:07 Caller Yeah.

54:08 Caller Dynamite hack.

54:08 Caller You rule. Thank you.

54:10 Caller I love you guys.

54:11 Caller I love you a lot.

54:12 Caller Adam.

54:13 Caller Yeah.

54:14 Caller You are Jesus Christ.

54:15 Caller Thank you.

54:17 Adam Well, I think Jesus Christ is Jesus Christ, but that I am the Messiah.

54:22 Caller Yeah.

54:23 Adam That's you know what I'm saying?

54:25 Dynamite Hack Vernon is a false prophet.

54:26 Adam There was a Jesus Christ and that's just Jesus Christ.

54:29 Caller You guys should go into like the masturbation technology business, man.

54:33 Adam Oh yeah. With the yellow VCR.

54:37 Caller Genius.

54:37 Adam Thank you.

54:38 Caller Absolutely.

54:39 Adam You're worrying me now, Ashley.

54:40 Drew Yes, you're 14. She's 14.

54:43 Caller Yeah.

54:44 Adam All right.

54:44 Caller You're all right, right?

54:45 Drew You have much older brothers or something?

54:47 Caller I'm the oldest.

54:48 Caller Uh-oh.

54:49 Caller What? Do you smoke pot? Once a month.

54:54 Adam Are you short?

54:55 Drew Be careful.

54:56 Caller Yeah.

54:57 Caller You are. Yeah.

54:58 Caller Drew.

54:58 Drew Yeah.

55:00 Caller I'm sounding like I'm kissing a lot of ass, but I want to thank you guys a lot for listening to everyone because it's like we're afraid to ask our doctors and stuff.

55:10 Caller So that's just great.

55:12 Caller Stop. You're mean.

55:14 Adam Thanks, Ashley.

55:14 Caller Bye, Ashley.

55:15 Drew Take care.

55:15 Caller Okay.

55:16 Adam Wow.

55:16 Drew Get out of that windstorm.

55:17 Adam She was, I know she sounded like she was in a windsock somewhere at the airport. God, she was 14. Sounded like she was 28. Really, didn't she?

55:27 Drew 28 was on the right page.

55:28 Adam All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Dynamite Hacks here. Is there going to be a changing of the guard? Maybe.

55:35 Dynamite Hack I can, I was going to ask Dr. Drew here if you know a lot about gastrointestinal issues.

55:41 Drew I will talk about his stool after the break.

55:43 Adam Really? You have a stool problem?

55:45 Dynamite Hack Actually, it's a flatulence problem.

55:47 Adam Oh, really? Well, why don't you let something go?

55:49 Dynamite Hack And it really is a problem. It's really a problem.

55:51 Adam Really?

55:51 Dynamite Hack Yeah. I'd like to hear what you had to say about it.

55:53 Adam A irritable bowel perhaps?

55:54 Dynamite Hack I don't think it's more than that. You made two people vomit with his fart.

55:58 Caller Oh my God.

55:59 Dynamite Hack I'm not exaggerating.

56:00 Caller Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

56:06 Adam Wow.

56:06 Caller That's exactly what I did.

56:07 Adam You're my new hero.

56:07 Dynamite Hack And then after like three days, I started to really worry about it.

56:10 Adam You made two people vomit?

56:11 Caller I made two people vomit. Two people with one.

56:13 Adam I got to be fair to the first second person. The second person vomited because the first person vomited.

56:20 Drew This is how he described it after the break.

56:22 Adam All right. We'll come back.

56:26 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

56:45 Caller Outrageous talk radio, 100.7, the-

56:48 Caller This is Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew, and you're listening to Loveline of the Zone 105. There we go.

56:59 Adam It is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, Chad Marker over here from Dynamite Hack, super fast in the name of the CD, and we're gonna bring in Kyle and Mike from Dynamite Hack, and because these guys are on the first down, we're doing a little rotation thing. Thank you, producer, but we wanted to get to the bottom of Mark's bottom before we took off.

57:25 Caller You don't want to go to the bottom.

57:27 Adam He claimed that he farted in two people. We have video tape.

57:31 Caller It was...

57:35 Adam Hold on, was it in a confined space?

57:37 Caller It wasn't a confined space.

57:39 Dynamite Hack It was in a tour bus. So, I mean, you know, I can say that in my defense, but I mean, I've always had...

57:43 Adam Were they men or women who vomited? Very big men.

57:46 Drew That's under dispute.

57:47 Caller Well, one of them. You can see these guys.

57:49 Adam Two men, two men farted?

57:50 Caller Two men were strapping men.

57:52 Drew Impressive.

57:53 Adam Yeah, that is good. And the second one didn't vomit because the first one vomited?

57:56 Caller Nope.

57:57 Dynamite Hack He was nowhere near the guy vomiting.

57:59 Caller Oh, really? Yeah, it was that bad.

58:01 Dynamite Hack They both ran out of the bus and went in different directions.

58:03 Caller Wow!

58:05 Adam Yeah. That is impressive.

58:07 Dynamite Hack And I've always had very foul smelling gas.

58:11 Caller And so...

58:12 Dynamite Hack Sunday smelly Sunday.

58:13 Caller Yeah.

58:13 Dynamite Hack There's, you know, many incidences.

58:15 Adam Wow, that's great that you guys are documented. This is a good cause.

58:18 Dynamite Hack At first, at first, I was really proud about it.

58:20 Caller I walked around arms raised, you know what I'm saying?

58:22 Dynamite Hack I made two people vomit. I love it.

58:23 Adam It's great.

58:24 Dynamite Hack I've been validated as a porter.

58:26 Adam I would wear that like a badge of honor. I'd probably have a windbreaker made up with the date written underneath it, you know?

58:32 Dynamite Hack We're getting to a point.

58:33 Caller I'm a little worried. I've been thinking about it a lot.

58:36 Adam Now, is everything that comes out of your ass that magnitude? Because I vary quite a bit.

58:43 Dynamite Hack The consistency is phenomenal.

58:44 Drew It's bad to awful.

58:46 Dynamite Hack It's bad to awful every time.

58:48 Adam And how often is it seeping out of there?

58:51 Dynamite Hack You know, day to day, it's pretty often. It's fairly often.

58:54 Drew Adam is wondering if he's going to witness anything. Is that what you got there?

58:58 Dynamite Hack No, I haven't been able to fry it since we've gone this long.

59:00 Adam I'm keeping the trash can nearby because the vomiting starts. But I ate a big meal. I usually vomit after I eat anyway. That'd be cool.

59:08 Dynamite Hack And what's his, you know, you think, breathe out of your mouth. Right, you know what? It doesn't do, yeah. That's what makes it worse. I think that's what these guys do. The humidity, like, is raised in the room. It's gamy. It's really bad.

59:18 Adam So now, Drew, what is this?

59:20 Drew Methane. It's the bacteria in your bowel, your colon.

59:23 Dynamite Hack So what can be done?

59:25 Adam Well, you have to eat charcoal.

59:28 Drew Charcoal is one of the things people have sometimes advocated. You need a couple of ricketts.

59:32 Adam You wash it down with some of that liner fluid.

59:34 Drew But I'll tell you what. It's primarily not swallowing air, so it's eating slowly, and it's finding the food that simulates those bacteria. Different people have different sort of attributes. It's spices or legumes or things like that.

59:47 Adam We found out the other night that bing cherries and beer, for instance, were some good food for me. Let's see, I am then attracted to those foods. That's different. Now have you found your food, Mark?

1:00:00 Dynamite Hack I eat the same thing all day long, and it always makes me fart. It's always like fast food.

1:00:06 Adam There you go.

1:00:07 Caller So, but I mean, is it the smell?

1:00:10 Dynamite Hack Is there a way to like, is it bad that it always smells?

1:00:13 Caller Is it?

1:00:14 Dynamite Hack Because other people, you know, it doesn't ever smell.

1:00:16 Caller I'm jealous of these people.

1:00:17 Drew It has to do with the bacteria that colonize your colon.

1:00:19 Caller Okay.

1:00:20 Drew Everything.

1:00:20 Adam Yeah.

1:00:21 Dynamite Hack So like an enema wouldn't help or anything. I don't know how it works.

1:00:23 Adam But as the old Jewish joke goes, it couldn't hoit. Now, but so the point is, Mark, whatever it is, you can eat, there are things that won't stimulate as much methane.

1:00:35 Drew Right.

1:00:36 Adam Therefore, you won't have as much smell.

1:00:37 Drew Right.

1:00:38 Adam So you've got to find those foods.

1:00:40 Drew Maybe lesser foods, more frequent foods.

1:00:42 Caller I think...

1:00:44 Adam What about jicama? There's no way jicama can smell. It was like a big watery root, tastes like nothing.

1:00:50 Drew Bulk is usually good.

1:00:51 Adam It's like watermelon. You know, how bad can watermelon go?

1:00:55 Drew Do you eat less spicy foods?

1:00:56 Dynamite Hack Yeah, actually, yeah, I do.

1:00:57 Drew There you go.

1:00:58 Adam Hey, here's the point, Mark. Whatever it is you're doing, stop doing it for Christ's sake. You're killing people.

1:01:04 Dynamite Hack You have to...

1:01:05 Caller I mean, listen, I'm...

1:01:08 Dynamite Hack There's no easy way out.

1:01:09 Adam I'm not an internist, but I can tell you that if whatever it is you're eating is creating horrific gas, it's time to start eating something else.

1:01:18 Drew Please.

1:01:20 Adam It's more math than it is a medical question. You know what I mean?

1:01:23 Dynamite Hack I was just hoping for some quick, you know, water spout somewhere and everything would be good for a little while.

1:01:28 Adam Why don't you, why don't you try? Now, what about drinking a lot of fluids? Does that do anything?

1:01:34 Drew Well, it makes me eat less weird stuff, but that's it.

1:01:36 Adam But you drink like a couple of gallons of water.

1:01:40 Dynamite Hack I think as part of it, those soft drinks make you.

1:01:43 Drew Some people, yeah, the gas food and stuff, yeah, sometimes, but not everybody.

1:01:46 Adam They make stuff with caffeine kind of stimulates you down there?

1:01:49 Drew Sometimes, but the guys with the methane, the methane producing bacteria, it's about what you give the bacteria, what you deliver down there.

1:01:57 Dynamite Hack Drew, one thing you're putting in there is a potential fuel. It's like putting an extra shrapnel in a grenade.

1:02:02 Drew Yeah, yeah. Oh boy.

1:02:03 Adam Drew, what are your foods to stir to there?

1:02:06 Drew Garlic, onions, like green onions.

1:02:10 Adam Green onions.

1:02:11 Drew Forget it.

1:02:12 Dynamite Hack Is it true that carbohydrates make it happen?

1:02:14 Drew Some people.

1:02:15 Caller I think that might be. I eat a lot of beans.

1:02:17 Drew That's a legume. That's not a carbohydrate.

1:02:19 Adam I have stream water and flour.

1:02:22 Dynamite Hack Flour.

1:02:23 Adam And jicama. That's going to be your new diet.

1:02:27 Dynamite Hack Sounds pretty damn nasty. I just want to hear you say jicama.

1:02:31 Adam Are we kicking these guys out?

1:02:32 Caller I think we're kicking them out.

1:02:34 Adam I don't care, but the other band members, I don't want them to get pissed off.

1:02:38 Dynamite Hack We'll bring them in.

1:02:39 Caller You want to bring them in?

1:02:40 Adam All right. We'll take a call. We can tell Kyle and Mike to make their way into the studio. We'll do a little Dynamite Hack switch off here. Thanks, guys.

1:02:50 Caller Thank you very much for having us.

1:02:52 Adam Normally, it's stayed out, but, you know, with all that farting and vomiting talk. I mean, listen, I like to fart as much as the next guy, but this guy...

1:03:00 Drew This guy's dangerous.

1:03:03 Adam Two guys vomited. You realize? I swear to God, I would...

1:03:07 Drew You've met somebody important.

1:03:08 Adam I would rent out billboard space if I made two guys fart. All right, Mike and Kyle are now at...

1:03:17 Dynamite Hack No, I actually missed that story.

1:03:18 Adam I mean, I saw the story, but I wasn't around for that. That's good.

1:03:22 I don't know how we're going to follow this... the Mark story. It's just too good.

1:03:27 Adam That's all right. Don't try to stop it.

1:03:29 Let's help callers.

1:03:31 Adam All right, we can do that. Kim?

1:03:33 Caller Hi.

1:03:33 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:03:36 Caller Me and my boyfriend, we were just fooling around, and one thing led to another, and he started to finger-bang me. And, well, I've never had sex before, and I'm not sexually active at all. And this was the first time. And the next day, I felt like this weird irritation, and it like...

1:03:53 Which finger was it?

1:03:54 Caller What?

1:03:55 Which finger was it?

1:03:57 Caller Um, I don't know.

1:04:00 Adam The smelly one?

1:04:02 Caller I guess.

1:04:03 They're all smelly.

1:04:04 Adam Well, now they are. Was he wearing a graduation ring? Or is he in the Stonemasons Union or something? Was some sort of jewelry or ring he was wearing?

1:04:16 Caller Um, I don't think so.

1:04:17 Adam No. So, Drew, what is this?

1:04:19 Drew Uh, is it still going on now?

1:04:22 Caller Yes.

1:04:22 Drew Does it hurt when you pee?

1:04:23 Caller Yeah.

1:04:24 Drew Well, there's a multitude of things could have happened here. One is just pushing around down there. Sometimes you'll force bacteria up into the bladder, causing a urine infection. He might have ruptured your hymen. That can hurt and sometimes bleed.

1:04:36 Adam Do you still have a hymen?

1:04:38 Drew Um, as far as she knows.

1:04:40 Adam You don't know?

1:04:41 Caller I guess.

1:04:42 Adam And, wow, you got to investigate a little, honey.

1:04:45 Drew And he also could, anything in there can really change the sort of environment and create a yeast infection. That sort of thing.

1:04:51 Adam Drew, how would one check for a hymen?

1:04:53 Caller Um, if it was, you know, on one?

1:04:56 Drew I think you should feel enough, right?

1:05:00 Adam Well, how do you do that?

1:05:01 Drew Like this.

1:05:03 Girlfriend.

1:05:04 Adam Just reach around and poke out?

1:05:05 Drew She needs to.

1:05:06 Adam When would you find it? How far before you got to?

1:05:10 Caller Oh, you know what I mean?

1:05:11 Drew Not far.

1:05:12 Adam Just what, about an inch and a half?

1:05:14 Drew Give me the book. Oh, no, no, no, no.

1:05:16 Adam No, no.

1:05:18 Let's see.

1:05:19 Adam This book, it's revolting because it's, it makes women seem like, like humans.

1:05:27 Drew Yeah, humans, right? Yeah.

1:05:28 Adam And it's really weird looking at all their parts and stuff in a non-sexual way. It's, I really find it repugnant. But Drew, you'll find the Hymen on there. Well, the Hymen must be in, like, chapter one because it's gone later on in that book, isn't it?

1:05:43 Is that named after a certain Hymen person?

1:05:47 Adam Yeah, but the Dr. Hymen was the Jewish guy who invented that? No. All right, we'll move forward. Jessica?

1:05:54 Yeah.

1:05:55 Adam You're 18. Drew's gonna look for a picture of the Hymen. We're gonna talk to you.

1:05:58 Caller Okay.

1:05:59 Adam All right, you found me a Hymen. There's no Hymen in there, is there?

1:06:02 Drew I know, but go right across there. This is the remnant right here.

1:06:07 Adam The remnant?

1:06:08 Drew You can see those little, that little rem.

1:06:10 How long is that there?

1:06:12 Adam That's what's the left of the Hymen?

1:06:13 Drew Yeah.

1:06:13 Adam That's like, you say, you know, you know in high school football games where they hold up on that big paper banner and the team runs through it? That would be the part that the cheerleaders were still holding?

1:06:24 Caller That's right, that's right.

1:06:25 Adam Okay. Now it's all making sense. All right. But Drew, find one with the Hymen in it.

1:06:31 Drew And here, it's right, you know, it would be like right there. It's right inside.

1:06:34 Adam Oh, it's just another half inch higher. I think I could have sex. Jessica, yeah, you're 18. So what's up?

1:06:41 Caller I'm just wondering if there's any way to reduce the size of my breast without surgery. Your butt?

1:06:47 Adam Your breast. You could lose. What about how big are they?

1:06:52 Caller Triple D.

1:06:53 Adam Triple D. How tall are you?

1:06:56 Caller Five, seven, eight. Around there.

1:06:58 Adam Hold on. I got a masterbate. And how much do you weigh?

1:07:01 There's something wrong with this.

1:07:02 Caller About 130, 135.

1:07:04 Caller No way.

1:07:06 Caller Hold on.

1:07:07 Adam Let me do some radio math there.

1:07:08 Caller Nice rack.

1:07:09 Adam 135, 57?

1:07:12 Caller Yeah.

1:07:13 Adam Okay, listen, I gotta do radio math here. 5, 4, 1, 2, 5, 4, 151 is what I came up with. Are you a little overweight?

1:07:25 Caller Not at all, no.

1:07:26 Adam Not at all, just 5, 7, DDD, 135.

1:07:31 Caller I'm between DDD and DDD. I don't know, I haven't found a bra my size yet.

1:07:36 Caller Bonzi, bonzi.

1:07:38 Caller That's kind of getting to be a problem.

1:07:40 Adam Seriously, are you screwing with me or is this...

1:07:42 Caller No, no, seriously not.

1:07:44 Caller I wish I was.

1:07:46 Adam I'll tell you, it's Feast of Famine on the show. One minute I'm looking at an anatomical vagina over there with Drew using his fingers, the mock hymen. And the next thing you know, I got the triple D, cupper, 5, 7, 135, calling up 18 years old. What city do you live in?

1:08:02 Caller Eugene. All right.

1:08:06 Adam How long is the drive out there? No traffic. Jessica, is your backyard?

1:08:12 Caller Yeah.

1:08:13 Caller Yeah.

1:08:14 Adam What kind of shape are they in? Are they hanging down or are they?

1:08:18 Caller I don't know.

1:08:19 Caller I don't exactly compare them to other ones that often. I mean, as often as I can come across other Triple Ds.

1:08:27 Adam So what's this doing to your life?

1:08:29 Caller Well, they're kind of obnoxious, really, like looking for clothing, talking to a guy, you know, having him look me in the eye, that sort of thing.

1:08:38 Adam Right.

1:08:38 Caller Right.

1:08:40 Caller Right.

1:08:41 Adam Love, Shatama.

1:08:43 Do you exercise at all?

1:08:44 Adam Yeah.

1:08:45 Caller I swim.

1:08:46 Adam Ooh. And what about... All right. So you get your back strong, right? Like shouldn't you do back exercises?

1:08:54 Caller Also sit ups and stuff.

1:08:55 Drew Yep. Shoulder back.

1:08:57 Adam All right. You do all that. And you're 18. And you're pretty thin frame. I mean, you're not a husky girl by any stretch of the imagination.

1:09:06 Caller Pretty average.

1:09:07 Adam Well, maybe you ought to go in and get a little consultation, see what the doctor says.

1:09:12 Caller Okay.

1:09:13 Caller Well...

1:09:13 Adam You have any pictures?

1:09:15 Caller No.

1:09:16 Adam Well, you really should take a picture before you, you know, before you get the surgery, right?

1:09:20 Caller Oh, okay. Well, I mean, I have to be lying around, but...

1:09:24 Adam What's that?

1:09:24 Caller I have to be lying around.

1:09:26 Caller Do you? Really?

1:09:26 Caller Yeah.

1:09:28 Caller What exactly?

1:09:29 Adam Well, you take a picture of yourself, like, you know how, like, if you bought a new house, you're going to renovate the kitchen? You take a few pictures, right?

1:09:36 Caller I'll take it. So you want me to take pictures of my breath before I go in to get them?

1:09:41 Adam Yeah.

1:09:41 Caller Oh, okay.

1:09:42 Adam Yeah.

1:09:43 Caller All right. Just for old time's sake, then?

1:09:45 Adam Well, listen, they'll do it anyway. Don't plastic surgeons do that?

1:09:48 Caller Yep.

1:09:49 Adam They take before, oh, if I could get my hands on one of those photo albums.

1:09:51 Caller I already talked to the doctor and they said I'm too young to do that.

1:09:54 Drew Yeah, I would not do it yet. All right.

1:09:56 Adam Well, why are you bothering us then?

1:09:58 Drew She wants to have a non-surgical boy.

1:09:59 Adam No. The only way is to lose weight. But, you know, you don't seem like you need to lose any weight.

1:10:07 Caller Not really.

1:10:07 Adam Do you need, I mean, could you lose five pounds?

1:10:10 Caller I suppose I could.

1:10:11 Adam Well, I mean, that's about it. Right?

1:10:14 Caller All right.

1:10:15 Adam All right, Jessica. Well, what do you think we're going to say?

1:10:18 Caller Well, I don't know. I was hoping there was some miracle cure out there. Possibly.

1:10:22 Adam Why? There's a cream my father rubbed on my penis when I was five to trunk it.

1:10:27 Caller No.

1:10:27 Adam So I think he still has some in his medicine cabinet.

1:10:30 Caller I'm just wondering if there's like any exercise I could do or something.

1:10:32 Caller At least my theory.

1:10:34 Drew Here's the thing about medicine. If there are common problems that are easily solved, we all know what they are. You know what I'm saying? They would know by now. We would all know. When there are things that really work, when you have diabetes and insulin cures it, there's no fancy diet manuals about that or new fad books about it. Why is it so overwhelmingly obvious?

1:11:00 Caller Why isn't pot smoking one that cures like depression?

1:11:06 Drew It causes depression. That's the problem.

1:11:07 Caller Really?

1:11:08 Drew Yeah. There's a whole lot going on about it, but I treat a lot of depressed patients from chronic marijuana use.

1:11:14 Adam How did we get from the boobs to depression?

1:11:18 Drew Sorry.

1:11:18 Adam I don't know. What the hell is going on with you two? I'm getting depressed.

1:11:22 Caller Is that me?

1:11:23 Adam The point is, I don't know, do your exercises, lose your five pounds and wait another year and then go talk to the doctor again. Right? Yeah.

1:11:32 Caller Yeah. Okay.

1:11:34 Caller Here we go. Drew. Yep.

1:11:35 Adam What's up with you tonight?

1:11:36 Drew As far as what?

1:11:37 Adam Hey, you got a little weird cadence thing going on tonight. It's a little herky-jerky.

1:11:41 Caller You know what I'm saying?

1:11:42 Drew Too much coffee.

1:11:43 Adam Is that what it is? You're getting a little jumpy?

1:11:45 Drew Yeah.

1:11:46 Caller All right.

1:11:46 Adam Mellow out. Joe?

1:11:47 Caller Decaf.

1:11:48 Caller Yeah.

1:11:49 Adam You're 18?

1:11:50 Caller Yeah.

1:11:50 Adam What's up?

1:11:51 Caller I just want to talk to Dynamite Hack and I saw you guys in Sacramento. Awesome.

1:11:56 Caller You guys remember that?

1:11:57 Caller Yeah.

1:11:58 Caller Yeah. You guys did pretty good.

1:12:00 Caller Thanks.

1:12:01 Caller You were there. Ten people. That was the weirdest show. Yeah. I like that theater though. It's a beautiful theater. And I'll always remember that night because that's the night I got my first ticket.

1:12:13 Caller Ticket? Oh, like an actual bad ticket?

1:12:15 Caller Drive first and drive the ticket.

1:12:16 Adam Moving violation.

1:12:18 Caller No, it was a...

1:12:19 Caller It was a small town...

1:12:21 Caller .illegal lane change. I like cut over three lanes and cut off a sheriff's van or something stupid.

1:12:27 Caller Or whatever. That's a moving violation, yeah.

1:12:30 Adam So yeah.

1:12:30 Caller All right.

1:12:31 Caller We better think about that night.

1:12:32 Adam You got a question for the band?

1:12:34 Caller Yeah, actually.

1:12:35 Caller How did...

1:12:36 Caller Why did you come up with Dynamite Hack? How did you get that name?

1:12:40 Dynamite Hack Oh, it's a movie from Caddyshack.

1:12:44 Caller It's a scene with Bill Murray. Is that right? Bill Murray and so on.

1:12:49 Drew So long ago, it was an old-time film.

1:12:51 Caller Right. Back in the day, you know? Yeah.

1:12:54 Dynamite Hack And he's talking about...

1:12:57 Caller He's passing Chevy a joint. He's like, Hey, man, this is some real Dynamite Hack. Check it out.

1:13:01 Adam Oh, really? I don't remember that.

1:13:03 Caller But it's a ridiculous size joint.

1:13:04 Dynamite Hack It's as big as like...

1:13:06 Caller It's very large. It's insane.

1:13:08 Dynamite Hack It's like six inches across.

1:13:09 Adam I miss those big novelty joints that had movies back then.

1:13:12 Caller She's in movies, yeah.

1:13:13 Caller So it's about...

1:13:14 Adam I don't see them anymore.

1:13:15 Caller Hot smoke. Once again, here we are back.

1:13:17 Adam Hey, Joe.

1:13:18 Caller But this is not...

1:13:19 Adam You all right? Yeah. All right. There you go. Dynamite Hack. Caddyshack. All right. Go get stoned, watch your movie, look for that scene.

1:13:27 Caller No, I don't do any of that stuff.

1:13:29 Caller Okay.

1:13:29 Caller Good for you.

1:13:30 Caller You still laugh.

1:13:31 Adam Chris?

1:13:33 Caller Yeah.

1:13:33 Adam You're 16?

1:13:34 Caller Yes, I am.

1:13:35 Adam What's up?

1:13:36 Caller It seems that whenever I get really close to a girl, I always end up scaring away somehow. I've been told I'm overbearing. Really?

1:13:44 Drew Overbearing or slinging, that sort of thing.

1:13:47 Caller Yeah, I guess. I really don't know.

1:13:49 Caller Don't pay any attention to it. Just relax.

1:13:52 Adam You're coming off a little desperate, right?

1:13:54 Caller I guess.

1:13:55 Adam Here's the thing about being desperate, too, is it's a very negative cycle, which is you get a little bit desperate, so the person starts backing off a little, like slowing things down.

1:14:07 Caller Freaking out.

1:14:07 Adam And when they start backing off and freaking out a little, then you get a little more desperate and they back off a little more. And before you know it, you're like spinning off in your own world. Like somebody that you were sort of lukewarm on, you're now stalking and they're calling the cops and the restraining order. And then her big brother, Stu, is wrestling you down and kicking your ass and bashing your head upside again.

1:14:31 Caller Here's El Camino.

1:14:33 Adam But that's all right, Stu, because if you're listening.

1:14:38 Drew Chris, the one thing though is really, why don't you listen to what people are telling you, right?

1:14:44 Caller All right.

1:14:44 Drew And to say, I don't know, I don't know. Gee, that's what they say. Just assess it a little bit and see what responsibility you have in those sorts of feelings you create in other people and maybe change a little bit.

1:14:54 Caller All right.

1:14:55 Caller How old are you?

1:14:56 Caller I'm 16.

1:14:56 Caller 16. Do you have a car?

1:14:59 Caller Yes, I do.

1:14:59 Caller You drive?

1:15:00 Caller Yeah.

1:15:01 Caller Just go drive. Drive away from her.

1:15:04 Caller All right.

1:15:04 Caller And then she'll call you or something.

1:15:07 Caller Yeah.

1:15:08 Adam But eventually you got to go home so you can pick up the phone, all right? Yeah. You just keep driving.

1:15:12 Caller Right.

1:15:13 Adam You got a cell phone. You got a cell phone? No, I do not. Oh, good. I would have kicked in the nuts if you had a cell phone.

1:15:18 Caller He's the only person in this town who has a cell phone.

1:15:20 Adam Yeah.

1:15:21 Caller All right.

1:15:21 Adam Hey, Chris?

1:15:22 Drew Where are you calling from?

1:15:23 Caller What?

1:15:24 Drew Where are you calling from?

1:15:25 Dynamite Hack Dallas.

1:15:25 Drew Dallas.

1:15:26 Dynamite Hack Okay. No way.

1:15:27 Adam Texas.

1:15:28 Caller Right.

1:15:28 Adam Listen, you I I'm sorry that it has to work this way, but chicks sort of smell that on you, especially younger ones, and they get an ounce of that. And it's the biggest turn off in the world. And you have to sort of care but not care at the same time.

1:15:43 Caller Right.

1:15:43 Adam You just can't care too much. There's something there's there's something that that drives them away when they smell that desperation on you. It is the it's the least attractive thing to a woman, whereas men, that's great. Game on. Game on.

1:15:59 Caller Depends on what kind of car he has, though. We haven't asked him that yet. He may need to soup it up a little bit.

1:16:04 Adam That's true. Hey, Chris.

1:16:06 Caller Yeah.

1:16:06 Adam Could you lower your car?

1:16:08 Caller No, I would never do that to my car.

1:16:10 Adam What are you driving?

1:16:11 Caller 93 Ford Explorer, Eddie Bauer Edition.

1:16:14 Caller Dude, that's a problem.

1:16:15 Caller Yeah, leather, baby.

1:16:16 Caller Yeah.

1:16:17 Caller You need to get you need to get out of the four wheel drive thing.

1:16:20 Caller Easy player.

1:16:21 Caller Get closer to the street.

1:16:22 Adam Yeah. I need, here's what you need. You write this down. You need a 77. Impala. No, no, I'm going back. I'm going back. You need like a 73 510 Datsun. It's just squatted down to the ground with some Coney shocks and springs. Neon bottom. Split the rims and widen them. You understand?

1:16:48 Caller Yeah.

1:16:48 Adam Yeah.

1:16:49 Caller All right.

1:16:50 Adam Listen, I don't feel sorry for this kid. He's 16. He's driving an Eddie Bauer Explorer.

1:16:53 Caller He lives in Dallas.

1:16:54 Adam He lives in Dallas.

1:16:55 Caller It's a perfect car for Dallas.

1:16:57 Caller Phil?

1:16:59 Caller Yeah, Phil.

1:17:00 Adam Yeah, Phil.

1:17:01 Caller Yeah, Phil.

1:17:02 Adam You thought I spelled it F-I-L-L, right?

1:17:05 Caller No.

1:17:05 Caller Okay.

1:17:06 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:17:08 Caller Me and my girlfriend are not sexually active, but, I mean, we try, right? And she's off on her, like, she's off on her cycle.

1:17:17 Caller A lot.

1:17:18 Caller And, like, I was wondering, because we kind of mess around, and then we'll try to, like, have sex with each other, but it's just too hard for her. And is it possible to get pregnant off of, like, if you kind of wipe your semen off or, you know, kind of dry it off or whatever? Is it still possible if there's, like, dry semen to get into the vagina or...? From where?

1:17:45 Caller What the hell is he talking about? Like, the stomach or what?

1:17:48 Drew What are you talking about?

1:17:49 Adam I don't know.

1:17:50 Drew Are you saying that you ejaculate and then you put your penis inside her?

1:17:54 Caller Well, I mean, wipe it off and then...

1:17:56 Drew It has tons in your urethra and those little guys will swim right out.

1:17:59 Adam Millions. What kind of plan is that, Phil? Phil, what good is your penis after you ejaculate?

1:18:09 Caller Well, I mean, you know, it can go long and strong, so...

1:18:12 Adam So how do you... how does it ejaculate before it gets in her?

1:18:17 Caller Well, I mean, we do other things before...

1:18:20 Adam Like oral sex?

1:18:21 Caller Yeah.

1:18:22 Drew Alright, but...

1:18:22 Adam So, hold on a second. Let me just make sure we're on the same page with Phil, the appropriately named Phil over here with that penis of his he stuffs in after he's done with it. You get oral sex, you get a BJ, right?

1:18:38 Caller Yeah.

1:18:40 Caller Yeah.

1:18:42 Adam How's the fast-paced world of auctioneering going? Is that fine? It's a good gig?

1:18:47 Caller Of what?

1:18:48 Adam And you get oral sex, right?

1:18:52 Caller Okay.

1:18:54 Adam You get oral sex, right?

1:18:55 Caller Yeah.

1:18:56 Adam Listen, jackass, okay.

1:18:58 Caller Okay.

1:18:59 Adam It's not really an answer. It's as if I'm feeding you the line.

1:19:02 Caller Alright.

1:19:03 Adam You understand? Like, Drew, say that to me.

1:19:05 Drew So, you get oral sex?

1:19:07 Caller Okay.

1:19:09 Caller Yeah.

1:19:09 Adam Like, it's like, not really, but I'm still listening.

1:19:11 Caller Yeah.

1:19:12 Drew If you say so.

1:19:12 Caller Idiot. It's like, if you say so.

1:19:13 Adam Are you getting a blowjob or not, you jackass? Okay.

1:19:17 Caller Awesome.

1:19:18 Adam Yes, you are.

1:19:19 Caller Good for Phil.

1:19:21 Adam Now, you have your orgasm.

1:19:24 Caller Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay.

1:19:26 Drew If you say so.

1:19:27 Caller Okay.

1:19:27 Adam If I say so. And then, after you have your orgasm, you then have intercourse with her.

1:19:33 Caller Well, attempt.

1:19:35 Caller Do you wipe off first?

1:19:36 Adam Attempt to have intercourse with her.

1:19:37 Caller Yeah.

1:19:38 Adam But why is it that you can't pull that off?

1:19:40 Caller Because it hurts her too much.

1:19:42 Drew Hurts her too much. If your penis crosses the plane of the vagina, you can get her pregnant. And you should be getting her the morning after pill, if that's happened within the last 72 hours.

1:19:51 Caller Even if you like wipe it off, isn't it?

1:19:55 Drew If that has happened within the last 72 hours, you should get the morning after pill, okay?

1:19:59 Adam But he uses a gym sock to dab himself.

1:20:02 Drew And from now on, you wear a condom from now on, if you do that.

1:20:06 Caller All right, Phil.

1:20:07 Adam Yeah, you don't need to be a dad.

1:20:10 Caller Yeah.

1:20:10 Adam Okay.

1:20:11 Drew You get the morning after one eight eight eight, not too late.

1:20:14 Adam I wouldn't I wouldn't trust this Phil around an ant farm.

1:20:19 Drew It's too late.

1:20:19 Adam You know what I mean? I wouldn't want him to raise a raccoon. Imagine, Phil. I feel like the kid would be, you know, he'd probably take the kidney like you say, if Phil give the kid a bath, he'd probably get like face down in the tub in the pool. But I'm holding my thing.

1:20:33 Caller I have a question. What is what do those one day after pill do?

1:20:37 Drew They morning and suppress ovulation just the way the regular birth control pill works. It just doesn't do it as well because you may have ovulated before you take the pill. And so if you've already ovulated, you get pregnant or you have a chance to get pregnant. But if you take it in time, it suppresses the ovulation just the way all other pills work. And they used to be shots, right?

1:20:58 Caller And they just came out with pills?

1:21:00 Drew No. Because pills were around for a long time.

1:21:02 Adam The shots were heroin. That was the problem.

1:21:05 Caller All right.

1:21:05 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. Dynamite Hacks, our guest tonight. When we come back, we'll speak to Vincent, who lasts up to one hour during masturbation. Pretty good.

1:21:16 Caller Does that be last?

1:21:18 Adam Or he can't do it for an hour? Just want to check real quick. Vincent? It takes you an hour to masturbate?

1:21:24 Caller No. I can last that long.

1:21:27 Adam Oh, wow. So I guess you're a really great partner for yourself.

1:21:30 Caller You should turn the page, man. Get a new girl.

1:21:33 Caller Well, I do it sort of different. I do it every day.

1:21:35 Adam Hold on.

1:21:36 Caller Hold on.

1:21:36 Adam But just a quick question. You cuddle yourself afterward?

1:21:41 Caller What does that mean?

1:21:42 Caller Spooner.

1:21:43 Drew Oh, man.

1:21:44 Adam Wow. Where did we... Are you guys stoned or what? Do we take like a weird contact high or something? Something got high. You guys are stoned, right?

1:21:52 Caller You guys got stoned.

1:21:54 Adam Something got stoned in here. The listeners got stoned. I got stoned.

1:21:58 Drew I think it's us.

1:21:59 Caller No, I got like...

1:22:00 Adam You guys got to be stoned. I don't care if you're stoned.

1:22:03 Caller No. I wouldn't ever do that. That would set a bad example. No way.

1:22:08 Adam I don't care. I'm going to find out off the air. Because I got like a contact tie when you guys came in.

1:22:13 Caller My mom is listening. That's not sad.

1:22:15 Adam Oh, okay. Now, the band's on stoned, but we'll get it out of them after this.

1:22:18 Caller Thank you.

1:22:21 Caller Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:22:41 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:23:01 Adam It is Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Kyle and Mike are both here from Dynamite Hack. SuperFast is the name of the CD. We'll hear something off it, and a second song off it in just a second. First, we're going to talk to Vincent. Hey. Vincent is 16.

1:23:22 Caller Yeah.

1:23:22 Adam Vincent lasts one hour when he masturbates. But why?

1:23:28 Caller I do it a special way.

1:23:30 Caller I masturbate into a sheepskin.

1:23:32 Adam Into a sheepskin? Right. Is that skin still attached to a sheep?

1:23:37 Caller No.

1:23:37 Caller You probably wish it was, but no.

1:23:39 Caller So don't you get...

1:23:41 Adam Hold on a second.

1:23:42 Caller He's gotta get robbed.

1:23:43 Adam Does everyone hate Vincent as much as I hate him already?

1:23:47 Drew I think you're hearing Steve.

1:23:48 Adam I have a low threshold for idiots.

1:23:50 Drew You're hearing Steve.

1:23:51 Caller No, no, no.

1:23:52 Adam This is a different guy. This is... There's two guys I hate. There's the I Rock guy who wears the Italian horn, the medallion guy who I hate, and then there's the sort of real smart but never gets laid Dungeons and Dragons guy I hate, who's real super smart, but it don't translate into an ounce of Puntan and they're bitter about it.

1:24:14 Caller But you're like right in the middle.

1:24:15 Caller It's very bitter.

1:24:17 Adam I think that's Vincent. Vincent?

1:24:19 Caller Yeah?

1:24:19 Adam You're a smart guy, right?

1:24:20 Caller Yeah.

1:24:21 Adam You do good in school?

1:24:22 Caller Yeah.

1:24:23 Caller You do. Okay.

1:24:24 Adam But yet you're angry.

1:24:27 Caller No, not really.

1:24:28 Adam You're not getting a ton of tail though, right?

1:24:30 Caller Yeah.

1:24:31 Caller I don't really care, really.

1:24:33 Adam Well, sure, it's convenient not to care when you're not doing it makes it easier, right? You know what I'm saying?

1:24:40 Caller No.

1:24:41 Adam I mean, you do care, but it's easier not to care because it ain't gonna happen for a while, right?

1:24:47 Caller Yeah.

1:24:48 Caller I want to worry about like having sex when I'm older.

1:24:50 Caller Okay.

1:24:51 Adam For now, you're humping your dad's sheepskin seat cover, right?

1:24:55 Caller What's the problem? What's his problem?

1:24:57 Caller I don't know.

1:24:57 Caller No problem.

1:24:58 Caller I want to know if this is normal, or if this will translate when I'm older, if I can last as long as sex.

1:25:04 Drew That it takes an hour?

1:25:05 Caller No, it doesn't take an hour.

1:25:06 Caller I can hold out for now. I'm having fun all the time.

1:25:09 Drew Oh, so you have the Corolla Ninja.

1:25:11 Adam Thank you. But listen, if I hump a shammie cloth, it would take me two hours. You know what I mean?

1:25:19 Caller Whereas.

1:25:20 Adam It's not like it translates.

1:25:23 Caller Live girl is supposed to be dead girl.

1:25:26 Adam I'm talking about real people. Tell me about the lamb's, what is it, you said lamb's wool or something? Sheepskin. Sheepskin. How does that work?

1:25:36 Caller All right. Just put it on the floor and where do you get it?

1:25:39 Caller Oh, I've had it for years.

1:25:41 Adam Is it a seat cover?

1:25:42 Caller Security blanket.

1:25:43 Caller No, it's like a blanket.

1:25:46 Caller Oh, my God.

1:25:47 Drew Yeah, let that go. Does that thing get washed?

1:25:49 Caller This is woody.

1:25:50 Caller Yeah, I've done all my own on there for like years.

1:25:53 Caller You carry it with you like when you spend the night?

1:25:55 Caller No. All right.

1:25:56 Adam And you put it on the floor.

1:25:58 Caller Right.

1:25:59 Adam And you just sort of mount it.

1:26:01 Caller Right.

1:26:02 Caller Just lay down there and...

1:26:04 Caller All right. Why?

1:26:05 Adam First, he breaks it like a sheet of marzipan. And then he lays down...

1:26:10 Drew Matzah.

1:26:11 Adam Breaks it like a piece of matzah. And then he gets down on top of it.

1:26:15 Caller Right?

1:26:16 Adam And you grind on. It feels good, right?

1:26:18 Caller Oh, it feels great, yeah.

1:26:19 Adam Now, what if you wanted to orgasm in five minutes?

1:26:23 Caller I could.

1:26:24 Adam You could?

1:26:24 Caller Absolutely.

1:26:25 Drew That's the ninja.

1:26:26 Adam Yeah, but you don't. You hold out, you son of a gun.

1:26:28 Drew Dork.

1:26:29 Caller Right.

1:26:29 Caller Is it the same blanket all the time, every time?

1:26:33 Caller Yeah.

1:26:34 Caller Couldn't you get something from that?

1:26:35 Caller No.

1:26:36 Adam No.

1:26:36 Caller No.

1:26:37 Adam Hey, hey, well, like...

1:26:39 Caller You clean it?

1:26:40 Adam What, are lambs gonna get hoof and mouth disease?

1:26:42 Caller Yeah, okay, every week.

1:26:43 Caller That's a rug burn.

1:26:44 Caller Every week.

1:26:45 Adam Hey, but, hey, Vincent, though, aren't you, don't you want to be a little more efficient with your masturbation?

1:26:52 Caller Yeah, but it's, I mean, it's fun to hold out.

1:26:55 Caller I just want to know if that's normal.

1:26:57 Drew That's fine.

1:26:58 Adam That's good. Now, Vincent, here's the scary and ironic thing. Vincent is sort of bragging that he's got staying power, he's got stamina, except for, and that's good, except for the part that he's humping a throw rug.

1:27:12 Caller What a time of the time comes.

1:27:15 Drew When the time comes.

1:27:17 Caller How?

1:27:18 Adam He's actually, you're going to be out and like, he's bragging about his sexual prowess, except for he's humping a shamming.

1:27:25 Drew A rug.

1:27:26 Caller Exactly.

1:27:29 Adam Oh, but you're all man, Vincent. Don't you worry about one day.

1:27:31 Caller Move up to small animals.

1:27:32 Adam I think you should get into porn. You're gay. You really got it going on.

1:27:37 Caller It's the whole of the world there.

1:27:38 Adam Listen, I did the math very early on with masturbation. I did it. I said, okay, this is the greatest thing ever. Now I got to shave my time down like an Olympic sprinter shaving 10th of a second training. Training night and day.

1:27:53 Drew Did you literally?

1:27:54 Adam Running with a parachute attached to me.

1:27:55 Drew After you put the toothbrush down, did you literally say this is the greatest thing ever?

1:28:01 Adam I said, I've got to get back as much as humanly possible before I die. I was scared I was going to die the next day. Every day I think I'm going to die, so I better get a few in, you know?

1:28:12 Caller I think it helps out though in stamina, right? Like masturbating. Yeah.

1:28:17 Drew Oh, absolutely.

1:28:17 Caller It does?

1:28:18 Caller Yeah. If you get to know what's going on everywhere, you can stay in.

1:28:22 Drew I think that's right. I think men need to sort of master themselves.

1:28:24 Caller Right.

1:28:25 Adam So, here, my point is if this is something I want to do three or four times a day, I better shave it down time-wise. You know, you can't take an hour of pop and do it three or four times a day. You'd have to drop out of school.

1:28:37 Caller Yeah, that carpet is part-time work.

1:28:38 Caller Right.

1:28:40 Adam 20 hours a week is going on. Alright, let's hear something from Superfast, which is from the Dynamite Hack, who's in here tonight. Cued up there, Anderson? This one is called Anyway.

1:30:15 Caller Anyway. Anyway.

1:31:23 Adam That is anyway from Dynamite Hack off of Superfast. Thank you. Thank you.

1:31:29 Caller Oh, yeah. Drew, you want to...

1:31:32 Adam Drew, come in here, please. We're continuing with the show. Any excuse to get up and walk away. He thinks we're going to break. Back to the show. He was in the next room. No, Drew, we're continuing with the show, please. Put the headphones on. Sit down. Now, we will talk to Rick after we come back from this passage. There we go. You know, it's funny, I look at Anderson, I couldn't see his finger because Kyle's noggin was in the way. But I was looking, I look at Anderson, Engineer Anderson's eyes, and that's no good because Anderson holds a conversation while he points the finger. So this is what it looks like. His finger is pointing at me to say the mic's on, it's time to go, but his head is turned up and he's having a chat with somebody. And I'm just looking at his head thinking, well, it must not be time to go yet. I need you to do like a big, like bug-eyed thing where you just go.

1:33:09 Drew Because that's why you got in the radio, right?

1:33:10 Adam I got in the radio so I could have the engineer give the big wind up and, you know, you're on like, you know what I want out of you Anderson? You know, there's Navy commercials, the guy out on the carrier deck, F-14 taking off, and he's in there with the orange vest on, and the part where he gives, you know, he gives the captain, the guy pulls up in the plane, captain gives him a salute, he gives him the thumbs up, and there's a kind of a wind up and a pop. Top gun and stuff. Yeah, that kind of thing.

1:33:39 Caller Yeah.

1:33:40 Adam Do it in slow motion though. And put some, put some Hans Zimmer music behind you. All right?

1:33:47 Caller Kenny Loggins, see?

1:33:48 Adam Yeah, I mean Kenny Loggins. Yes. We'll power to the danger zone together.

1:33:52 Caller Exactly.

1:33:54 Adam See, I, you know, I had this, you guys might be able to appreciate this being in a band, but I have this conversation with Jimmy, my other partner all the time, which is, if we were songwriting partners with a lot of people, these songs would have never been made, because I would have been sitting around with Kenny Loggins, and he would have been saying, yeah, I'm writing a song for Top Gun, it's called Power to the Danger Zone, and it goes, highway?

1:34:21 Dynamite Hack Highway to the Danger Zone.

1:34:22 Caller No, highway? Yeah. Go ahead.

1:34:24 Caller Highway to the Danger Zone.

1:34:27 Caller Highway, yeah, highway to the, right.

1:34:32 Adam Okay, Highway to the Danger Zone. And I would have said, hey, Kenny, come on, insulate your trunk.

1:34:36 Caller That sucks.

1:34:37 Adam That's lame. Highway to the Danger Zone? That's one bump too many. Okay, you're going to hit Kenny.

1:34:42 Caller No, that's horrible.

1:34:43 Adam Let's work on something else. Absolutely. Absolutely. There's a thousand songs starting with a Hall and Oates man eater that I would have, I would have intervened so long into the process, we never would have got to the keyboards with it. Oh, the 80s.

1:35:00 Caller You've got the power. Right.

1:35:04 Adam I would have jumped in on that one too.

1:35:06 Caller Rick? Yeah.

1:35:07 Adam It's about every song.

1:35:09 Caller Yeah.

1:35:09 Adam Every song from the 80s and early 90s, I would have stepped in on.

1:35:12 Caller Rick?

1:35:13 Caller Highway to the Danger Zone.

1:35:14 Adam Highway. Yeah.

1:35:15 Caller Highway to the Danger Zone.

1:35:18 Adam Keep going. Keep going.

1:35:21 Caller Fly into the Danger Zone.

1:35:24 Caller Oh, stop it.

1:35:26 Adam Wait a minute.

1:35:26 Caller Wait a minute.

1:35:27 Caller Fly into the Danger Zone.

1:35:30 Adam Wait a minute. It's not highway.

1:35:32 Caller It's ride into the...

1:35:34 Adam Wait a minute...

1:35:35 Caller .Danger Zone.

1:35:35 Adam Byway into the Danger Zone.

1:35:36 Caller And then he says fly into the Danger Zone. Okay. Move right along.

1:35:40 Adam Rick, how stoned are you?

1:35:41 Caller Well, first of all, pardon me?

1:35:43 Adam Are you stoned?

1:35:43 Caller Oh, yeah. I've been sitting here for a while. Yeah.

1:35:46 Caller How are you good?

1:35:48 Drew First of all, what Rick?

1:35:49 Caller Cool. Okay. No, I just want to say Dynamite Hack. I like your songs that I've heard so far. I won't get to buy your CDs soon. I live up here in just southern BC and I get your station. It's the only station I get here in the valley that I live in. So I sit here and listen to Loveline every night. Dr. Drew and Adam, I love you guys. You're great. Hey, I had a question for Dr. Drew. I got Chlamydia, I guess, probably about eight months ago.

1:36:20 Caller Nice.

1:36:22 Caller Got checked out, I found it out right away. And they gave me a pill to take, a couple pills.

1:36:28 Adam Wait, did you get it from a woman or were you humping a moose again?

1:36:32 Caller No, it was a woman.

1:36:33 Drew Okay, we found out it was.

1:36:35 Caller Yeah, okay. Well, anyways, I got it.

1:36:38 Drew Yeah, so what happened?

1:36:39 Caller I guess they gave me like two or three big pills and made me take them and they said not to drink for two days after. Well, I did drink within the two days there. And I was just wondering like what's the chances of that? What's.

1:36:55 Drew Did they give you a shot too?

1:36:56 Caller No, I don't know. They didn't give me a shot.

1:36:58 Drew They gave you four. Did they give you azithromycin? Just one big dose of an antibiotic?

1:37:03 Caller Yeah, they gave me a whole bunch. They said stay away from booze, stay away from dope, stay away from weed. You know what I mean?

1:37:09 Caller You should just get a good blanket and hump it.

1:37:11 Drew And you drank.

1:37:12 Caller It'll be fine.

1:37:12 Drew And you drank and the question is, did it still work? Yeah, it worked.

1:37:16 Adam Oh, what a surprise. Is there a Canadian guy over here drinking? Hey, hey, what a surprise. Listen, is that song, is that song, seriously, that called Highway to the Danger Zone?

1:37:26 Caller Oh yeah, you don't even know?

1:37:27 Adam That's the title of the song?

1:37:28 Caller You gotta be older than me, right?

1:37:30 Adam I know the song. I just always thought it was called something else. Anderson, look that up on the computer, would you?

1:37:35 Drew I don't have to, it's Highway.

1:37:37 Caller Dude's confirmed three times.

1:37:38 Adam Anderson knows. All right, he watches movies, even bad ones. Alex?

1:37:43 Caller Yeah.

1:37:44 Adam You're 16?

1:37:45 Caller Yeah.

1:37:46 Adam What's up?

1:37:47 Caller About four months ago, I was sneezing like crazy one night and my lower abs started hurting. And I didn't think much of it. I played football. So I practiced for like another three weeks. I noticed that my left testicle kept rising and the right one stayed the same. I went to the doctors. They said, well, we don't know what it is. You know, they are like, you know, just, you know, what can we tell you?

1:38:09 Caller Something's wrong with his testicles.

1:38:12 Caller And I don't know, it's like the doctors are saying, well, maybe it's a groin pool. It's a groin pool. But I've had it for four months and groin pool isn't supposed to last for four months.

1:38:21 Drew What happens to your testicle?

1:38:22 Adam It started rising.

1:38:23 Caller Yeah.

1:38:24 Drew What does that mean?

1:38:25 Adam It like ascending back, back to once again.

1:38:28 Drew Did it swell? Or did it go back into the abdomen? What happened?

1:38:31 Caller I don't know, it just kept rising.

1:38:33 Caller That's natural.

1:38:33 Adam That could be natural.

1:38:34 Caller Like filling up with something, like getting bigger.

1:38:37 Caller Excuse me?

1:38:38 Adam No, it was rising up, right?

1:38:40 Caller Yeah. It didn't get like swollen or anything. It didn't get any firmer. The doctors checked for hernia.

1:38:45 Adam It wasn't rising like a loaf of bread. I mean, it was ascending.

1:38:49 Caller Yeah.

1:38:49 Drew Going up inside.

1:38:50 Caller Yeah.

1:38:51 Drew It could still be a hernia. They may not have detected. Did they do an ultrasound in that area?

1:38:55 Caller Yeah, I've got ultrasound. I got an MRI about a week ago.

1:38:59 Drew And nothing?

1:38:59 Caller Yeah, I'm waiting for the results of an MRI. I'm thinking maybe it's a nerve in my back.

1:39:04 Adam Yeah.

1:39:04 Caller That's causing the pain.

1:39:06 Drew Are you having pain down in the testicle?

1:39:07 Adam Well, listen, I'm cutting them off and here's why. He got an ultrasound, he'll get the results, he'll find out what the deal is.

1:39:13 Drew They should treat him.

1:39:14 Adam He can't be able to do it over the radio.

1:39:16 Drew Yeah, Epidermitis is something they should think about and hopefully you'll see a urologist.

1:39:20 Adam Shannon? You're 16?

1:39:22 Caller Yeah.

1:39:23 Adam What's up?

1:39:23 Caller What's up?

1:39:25 Adam What's happening?

1:39:25 Caller Okay. I've been going out with a guy for a month and the only thing we've really done is just like kiss and stuff. And I talked to him about having sex and the only thing he said was if we have another guy.

1:39:39 Drew How old is he?

1:39:41 Caller And he said what?

1:39:43 Drew Only agree to having sex if there's another guy with him.

1:39:45 Caller Yeah. And I confronted him about being gay and he just he denied it.

1:39:49 Drew How old is he?

1:39:50 Caller He's 18.

1:39:52 Adam Only with another guy?

1:39:54 Caller Yeah.

1:39:54 Drew That is bizarre.

1:39:55 Adam Well, I know how it is. So you're with a new chick and you want to go to cover your back, you know, you want to have somebody to high five with, I guess.

1:40:02 Caller Right.

1:40:02 Caller Right. The weird thing is, is we've been going out for a month and we've only kissed and he's never tried like anything on me. And that's never happened before.

1:40:10 Caller Yeah.

1:40:11 Drew This would be time to regroup, I would think.

1:40:14 Adam Yeah. This is what it's called cutting your losses. You know what I mean?

1:40:19 Caller Yeah.

1:40:19 Adam You just kind of fold up a tent and you live to fight another day. You understand?

1:40:25 Caller Yeah. And I tried going down on him and he told me not to. He like, okay.

1:40:28 Drew Oh, that's messed up. Now, you're okay?

1:40:31 Adam I'll take a swing at this son of a bitch if I see him now.

1:40:34 Caller Oh, Dynamite Hack. I have your CD. You guys are awesome.

1:40:37 Adam Thank you.

1:40:38 Caller I love you guys.

1:40:39 Caller Thank you.

1:40:40 Drew Adam, you're going to be okay?

1:40:41 Caller I think you'll be right.

1:40:43 Adam Hey, this guy's definitely gay. You hear me?

1:40:46 Caller Yeah. I asked him if he was bi and he's like, he just said that he wants to try new things.

1:40:51 Drew He's bisexual.

1:40:53 Adam No.

1:40:54 Drew He's a perv. I don't know what he's thinking.

1:40:56 Caller It's okay. Our manager, George, is gay. Really?

1:40:59 Drew Yeah, but he's cool, though.

1:41:01 Adam But that's cool. He wants to try a new thing in his ass, is what he wants to try.

1:41:05 Caller Do you think he wants me, like, just as a friend or...?

1:41:08 Drew The whole thing just sounds real screwy. But whatever it is, not being very respectful of you and what you need from this relationship, it's sort of an intrusion and really kind of disrespectful to hold you sort of hostage to the person.

1:41:21 Adam It's great, though. I know, but it's kind of fun to see women driven nuts, isn't it? Like...

1:41:27 Caller It's insane.

1:41:29 Adam I bet you, like, my penis will be in your mouth right now. There's no way I'm going for that. You know what I mean? I mean, imagine what a freak out session she had when she got home. She tried to give the guy a BJ and he was like, no thanks.

1:41:44 Caller That's just a sad story.

1:41:45 Adam Listen, even if I was gay, I'd be like, listen, blow away. I'll just close my eyes and pretend it's Peter Frampton. Peter Frampton. All right, who's a good guitar player? Doug?

1:41:56 Caller Yes.

1:41:56 Adam You're 24.

1:41:58 Caller I am.

1:41:58 Adam What's up?

1:42:00 Caller Well, my question is for Dr. Drew. I've...

1:42:03 Drew Doug, very quick.

1:42:05 Adam No, it's not going to help.

1:42:05 Drew 30 seconds. 30 seconds.

1:42:07 Caller I've been growing facial hair, a pretty full beard since I was about 17. And the other day I noticed a bald spot, like where my sideburns are. Both sides?

1:42:16 Caller The size of a pencil eraser.

1:42:18 Drew Both sides?

1:42:19 Adam In the middle?

1:42:20 Caller In the middle of my sideburns.

1:42:21 Adam Yeah, that's called your mouth.

1:42:25 Caller Of my sideburns.

1:42:26 Drew Both sides?

1:42:27 Caller No, just one side, one spot. It's like there's no stubble or anything.

1:42:31 Drew Well, it may be what's called alopecia ariana, which is little areas of hair loss from various things. If you're concerned, see the doctor, but they can check thyroid, check other things.

1:42:42 Caller It's permanent.

1:42:43 Drew Do you have a cell phone? It may not be permanent. Did you get any sort of like car accident recently or anything like that? Sometimes stress, a lot of events will precipitate these things. No. And sometimes there can be little infections in the skin that can cause it. Fungal infections, the beard, that sort of thing.

1:42:56 Adam Dermatologist?

1:42:58 Drew Dermatologist. Dermatologist. All right.

1:43:01 Caller Yeah, man.

1:43:01 Caller No way. All right.

1:43:03 Adam All right, Doug.

1:43:04 Caller Yep.

1:43:04 Caller All right.

1:43:05 Adam Good luck with that there.

1:43:06 Caller Take yourselves a little break.

1:43:08 Adam We'll be back with Dynamite Hack after this.

1:43:10 Caller Hello. This is your radio.

1:43:35 Adam This is Adam Corolla.

1:43:36 Drew This is Dr. Drew.

1:43:37 Adam And you're listening to Loveline on the Zone 105.

1:43:52 Caller Well, there you go. Another thank you to this episode of Loveline and as we say here.

1:43:58 Adam I want to thank Dynamite Hack for coming out here tonight and seeing our guests.

1:44:03 Caller Thanks for having us.

1:44:04 Adam Super fast.

1:44:05 Caller His name is CD.

1:44:06 Adam Please go out and get that and catch them in Anaheim tomorrow night and then coming up in Petaluma. You can probably score some weed and then in Vegas on the 28th. So if you're in any of those areas, catch Dynamite Hack and bring some weed to the show for us. Our friends, our friends, of course, Goldfinger and E6. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:44:31 Caller I don't even want to hear from Adam.

1:44:34 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Dan Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is the presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Monday, July 24, 2000