Episode 1000754886980

0:52 It's another Buzz moment of madness.

0:55 Why is it great to be a guy?

0:56 Drew You can be president.

0:57 Voiceover Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7, The Buzz, KQBC Seattle. Sexually-oriented content, content, content.

1:14 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:25 Hey, it is the Loveline.

1:27 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Miraculously, here in person, everybody.

1:43 Wow!

1:44 Adam Enjoy it while it lasts.

1:46 Drew Can you tell the difference?

1:48 No, I can't.

1:49 Adam I'm here. I'm in the room and I can't tell the goddamn difference. Alrighty, so no guests tonight for a change. Just the love that the two hosts find between each other. And I'll be giving out my cranberry recipe.

2:02 Drew Oh, tonight's the night. Oh, yes.

2:05 Adam Oh, yes.

2:06 Drew You know, I was thinking, listening to David on Greer Vomit, I was, they did a piece on him and sort of access Hollywood. Man, he just does not slow down, does he?

2:16 Adam No.

2:16 Drew He's always like that.

2:17 Adam Well, actually does, because I called him this morning.

2:19 Drew Oh, he's like you. He's boring in real life.

2:21 Adam Sounded like he was on a Quailoo. Call him about 9.30 this morning. Hello. You know, it's weird. Celebrities do their kind of non-committal answering. Turn that down, please. It sounds too much like a regular radio show. Celebrities have their answer, the phone voice. Sounds like I called David Alan Greer this morning. 9.30, 9.45. Hello, David Alan Greer?

2:48 Yeah. What's up?

2:50 Adam It's Adam Corolla. Hey, my man!

2:52 What's going on?

2:54 Adam Yeah. I mean, that's what happens, because they don't want to pick the phone up.

2:58 Drew And be David Alan Greer.

2:59 Adam Have some guy who's just trying to sell real estate or something on the other line, or want to know what their long distance carrier is, realize who it is, and then have their phone number.

3:10 Drew That's right.

3:10 Adam So they give that. Hello. Except for, I've been practicing that my whole life.

3:15 Drew Yeah.

3:16 Adam You see?

3:16 Drew And yours doesn't pick up again afterwards. When you find out who you're talking to, it keeps going. Hello, this is Adam.

3:22 Adam No, I know.

3:25 Hi, this is Adam. Please leave a message.

3:28 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you, though, I'm really hanging with the brothers. I had, Wanji called me yesterday, was in here the other day from Bone Thugs in Harmony, and Marcus Allen called a few days before that. So I'm, you know, I got Marcus Allen, Wanji, David Allen, Greer. I have a quite, quite a fine black line up now. I'm not sure about the blacks. What do you mean? I'm hanging with them.

3:53 Drew Now is that a new homeboy? It was a bag of cranberries sitting on the field. I couldn't help but notice.

3:58 Yes, there is.

3:59 Adam Yes, there is.

4:01 Drew Can I see just to see what cranberries are supposed to look like? Because I always thought they were things that came pressed out of a can. Oh, wow.

4:07 Adam Drew, you don't know what they look like whole?

4:09 Drew No, I think I do. They're partially dried. What this must have been the last time you came in. They've been in my fridge. Yes, these are petrified.

4:16 Adam Well, I'm bringing them in because I want to read the recipe on the back of the packet.

4:22 Drew But you're not going to use them this year, are you?

4:24 Adam No, not unless I get, not unless there's some sort of shortage of cranberries or I get really, really stoned.

4:31 Drew And then just start chewing on them. This is also an example of how your grandmother freezes everything, right?

4:36 Adam No, this is not frozen. This actually just sat in my refrigerator for one year. That's what you can do when you're a bachelor. Well let me tell you, out of sight, out of mind, I put those things in the salad crispers and I'll never see it again. I could put $10,000 cash in one of those things. I'd never find it again. I'd never open it up. You know that drawer at the bottom? Once that drawer shuts, that's it. Because when I open the fridge, it's all visual. You know what I'm saying?

5:05 Drew It's all impulse. What you see, you eat.

5:08 Adam Well, here's the thing.

5:09 Drew It's a very primitive mechanism.

5:11 Adam I know what I'm heading for, usually before I open the door of the refrigerator. So I grab it and make my way out of there. But I don't start looking around. And even if I did look around, I wouldn't look in the drawers. If it's in a drawer and it's closed, out of sight, out of mind. I haven't seen these cranberries in over a year. The point is, the recipe is right on the back and there just couldn't be anything easier than this. And this is a cause. This is my cause. Let's hear the recipe. I want to let the kids, I'm stalling so the kids can grab a pen and pencil and write this down. You can all make fresh cranberry sauce this year. And never eat anything out of a can for Thanksgiving. That is so white trash. That is so low brow. Okay.

5:54 What's this?

5:56 Adam What does producer Ann have in there? Tori Spelling, Thanksgiving Dinner.

6:01 Drew My dad. What is this in? This is set this up. Oh, I'm sorry. It's in Entertainment Magazine.

6:05 Adam Yes.

6:06 Drew And it's what?

6:06 Adam Producer Ann.

6:07 Drew Thanksgiving Edition.

6:09 Adam Read that, Drew.

6:09 Drew Okay. And it says, America prepares to talk turkey with their families this holiday. We had to ask, what's a poor old celebrity got to be thankful for? So Tori Spelling answers, Thanksgiving Dinner. My dad goes for the pecan pie, but I love cranberry sauce in a can. Oh, mom's awesome jello mold. Did I?

6:31 Yeah.

6:33 Adam Remember I said white trash?

6:35 White trash.

6:37 Adam Those spellings, that is whiter. That is albino trash. She's almost clear trash. She's one step away from being a translucent trash. TT. How dare Tori Spelling. You know the thing that's dangerous about that message? A lot of kids look up to her. And when they see that some highfalutin celebrities eating canned cranberry sauce, it gives them the green light to go for the can opener on Thanksgiving. Well, not me, brother. Or sister. I brought in my recipe tonight.

7:09 Drew Billy Dee Williams is in here too. I don't really celebrate Thanksgiving. I find it difficult to celebrate something that's disrupted an entire civilization.

7:17 Adam He's a very, very heavy guy. Billy Dee Williams was in here a few months back. He takes himself very seriously. Wouldn't you say?

7:25 Drew Yeah.

7:26 Adam And probably doesn't get called on it too much, does he? I'm guessing not. Some people need to be called on it. Well, he's kind of the equivalent of the hot looking chick who never has anyone say, hey, fat ass, shut up. You're not making sense. Drink up and take your top off, honey. You're boring everyone to death. All right, Drew, are you ready for this?

7:46 Drew I'm ready, yeah.

7:47 Adam Please, what does your wife have the maid cook every year?

7:51 Drew No, she cooks all kinds of food.

7:54 Adam Susan cooks? Does she make cranberry sauce?

7:56 Drew Yes.

7:56 Adam Fresh cranberry sauce?

7:57 Drew I haven't seen cranberry sauce in a can seriously in about 20 years.

8:00 Adam Are you sure she's not just opening the can and putting in a dish?

8:03 Drew No, no, because there's like walnuts and things in it sometimes.

8:06 Adam Sometimes they dress it up that way.

8:07 Drew Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no.

8:09 Adam Here's a...

8:10 Drew Because you can see the chunks.

8:12 Adam Okay, so you're sure?

8:13 Drew Yeah.

8:14 Adam Okay, because you can get the can stuff with chunks in it too.

8:16 Drew Oh, is that right?

8:17 Adam Yeah, Susan may be opening the can.

8:19 Drew No, no.

8:20 Adam All right, here's what you need, everybody. Drew's gonna continue reading the entertainment magazine, by the way.

8:26 Drew I was just thinking, she would... I'm not sure why trash passed, but she has been vindicated, been released.

8:31 Adam Susan?

8:31 Drew Yeah.

8:32 Adam All right, I'm not so sure. I'm gonna check the garbage for the next couple of weeks over at the Pinsky house.

8:37 Drew You're going to the...

8:38 Adam I'm going to my dad's house. Yeah, it's always a good time. All right, here it is, everyone. You need one sack of these cranberries. It comes in a sack, it's about size of a Kleenex box. Holds, well, Drew, count these cranberries. I don't know how many you're in there. No, that holds about a pound, what is that, about a pound, 12 ounces of cranberries in this sack. You take this sack and you empty the contents. These are whole cranberries into a saucepan. That's just a regular pot. You make your macaroni and cheese or top ramen and stoners. One cup of sugar and one cup of water. That is it. Boil rapidly until berries pop. That's nice. You wait about five minutes, let it cool, and you get four cups of fresh cranberry sauce. You hear me?

9:29 Drew It's over.

9:30 Adam You mongrels. You'll make that or I'll damn you. I put a curse and a pox on your family if you don't make your own cranberry sauce.

9:38 Drew Yeah, whatever.

9:39 Adam All right. And I'm going to score mine probably tomorrow because things get a little tight. They get a run on these things. You sure Susan makes it fresh?

9:49 Drew Absolutely.

9:50 Adam Seriously, who cooks? Who cooks? She does.

9:52 Drew She's going to start tomorrow.

9:54 Adam She has somebody cook it?

9:55 Drew No.

9:56 Adam She cooks it herself?

9:57 Drew Yep.

9:58 Adam Somebody rub her feet while she cooks? Afterwards.

10:00 Okay.

10:02 Adam Julie?

10:03 Uh-huh.

10:04 Adam You're 21.

10:05 Caller Hi.

10:05 Adam What's up?

10:07 Caller I'm getting a boob job done in January.

10:09 Adam Do you eat fresh cranberries on Thanksgiving?

10:11 Caller Yeah. I use the same recipe.

10:13 Adam Thank you.

10:14 Caller Yeah.

10:14 Caller Okay.

10:16 Caller So I was just wondering, is there anything I should be worried about?

10:19 Adam What are they doing to your boobs?

10:21 Caller Enlarging them.

10:22 Adam Uh-huh. What are they now?

10:24 Caller They are a 32B.

10:27 Adam What are you going to?

10:29 Caller To a 32D.

10:30 Adam Nice.

10:31 Drew How come?

10:31 Adam Nice job.

10:33 Caller Um, I'm in the porn business.

10:35 Adam I see. You direct, AD, gap.

10:39 Drew Right, screenwriters.

10:40 Adam Right. What do you do?

10:42 Caller No, I just, I do photographs.

10:45 Adam Oh, you do, you don't, you don't make the movies.

10:48 Caller No, not yet.

10:49 Adam Yeah, soon, right?

10:51 Caller Soon, yeah.

10:51 Adam Are you hoping to?

10:53 Caller Um, yeah, I am.

10:55 Adam Well, now, why, how, how long's the waiting list? Can't you just make one tomorrow?

11:00 Caller I could, but it's more, um, savvy to go about it, to start off small and go big because you make more money that way.

11:08 Adam What do you mean?

11:10 Caller Um, you get more, um...

11:13 Drew Stature. She's establishing herself in some other way.

11:16 Caller Yeah, yeah.

11:16 Adam What are you talking about? What do you mean? You're going to, you, you, you, you, it, it, it gives you more cache to be in, uh, swank for a few months or hustler or jugs and then make your way into the porn film industry?

11:30 Caller Yeah, exactly.

11:31 Adam So you establish yourselves like a pin-up girl.

11:33 Caller Yeah.

11:34 Adam And then they throw some money at you to do, uh, an adult scene.

11:38 Caller Yeah, exactly.

11:39 Adam I see. And how much, how, do you have an agent or a tennis coach who advises you of this?

11:45 Caller I have an agent.

11:47 Caller Mm-hmm.

11:48 Adam Oh, I'd like to hang out with this guy. Yeah, this guy's a real piece of work, right? He, he, he's got the earring, right?

11:55 Caller Um, no, he doesn't.

11:56 Adam No earring?

11:57 Caller No.

11:57 Adam Must have got pulled out in a bar fight. Hey, where's, uh, what, the gold chain with the Italian horn hanging off it?

12:05 Caller Yeah.

12:06 Adam He does have the Italian horn?

12:08 Caller I don't, I don't know, but the horn really has a gold chain.

12:10 Adam Nice. Very classy. Uh, how about a bracelet? I always love to see that on a man.

12:15 Caller No, no bracelet.

12:16 Adam Yeah. Again, probably pond it. Uh, owed, uh, owed a bookie some money or something. All right. So, you're gonna do, how, what, what magazines could we currently find you in?

12:27 Caller Um, I'm not in magazines. I'm mostly on the internet.

12:31 Adam Is there, is there better money on, posing for things on the internet than there is in magazines?

12:37 Caller Sometimes.

12:38 Adam Okay, write that down. Very definitive. And uh, how much money do you get for a nude photo shoot for the internet?

12:47 Caller Usually two to three hundred dollars.

12:49 Adam And that's just you alone being naked?

12:53 Caller Or else sometimes I'm with other girls.

12:55 Adam I see. Still two or three hundred bucks.

12:57 Caller Yeah.

12:58 Adam And what do you, what do you, uh, when do you think you'll make the transition into the movies?

13:03 Caller Um, probably within the next year or so.

13:07 Adam I see. And you don't have any qualms with that?

13:11 Caller No, it's just something I'm going to do for like a couple years to make some money.

13:15 Adam Right. Right. Fast forward, fast forward, uh, thirty-seven years and she's in, uh, fifty and affable. The, the movie.

13:27 Caller All right.

13:27 Adam Now hold on a second. Let me, uh, let me get back to Julie. Julie?

13:31 Caller Uh-huh.

13:31 Adam All right. So just a few years to make some money.

13:33 Caller Yeah.

13:34 Adam Why?

13:35 Caller I put myself through school.

13:37 Adam Right. What, what kind of school? And, and, and hold on a second. Let me tell you the catch 22 with you going to school.

13:43 Caller Uh-huh.

13:44 Adam It's not going to take. There's nothing for you to study.

13:47 Caller Well, I'm going right now.

13:49 Adam What are you studying?

13:50 Caller Law.

13:51 Adam Law?

13:52 Caller Uh-huh.

13:53 Adam How do you spell that?

13:54 Caller LAW.

13:55 Adam All right. Lucky guess. And you're going to be an attorney?

13:59 Caller Yeah.

14:01 Adam Attorney in a porn film or an actual attorney?

14:03 Caller An actual attorney.

14:05 Drew You're, you're in law school currently.

14:07 Caller I'm just doing the prerequisite kind of stuff right now.

14:10 Adam Right. Junior college?

14:12 Caller Yeah.

14:12 Adam Yeah. Let me, let, hold on a second.

14:14 Drew That's not studying law, Julie.

14:14 Adam Let me explain something.

14:15 Drew What's going to college?

14:17 Oh, I found guilty as charged.

14:18 Adam Let me tell you something about all you tards in junior college right now. I don't mind you being in junior college. I actually, I do have some problem with you wasting taxpayers' money and your parents' money, but don't even begin to talk about what your dreams and aspirations are until you get to a four-year college. My buddy, John, he's, well, he's my age. So he's on his 18th year of junior college. Now he's going to be a doctor. He's been an astronaut, a fireman, a dentist, a pediatric specialist. He's done everything, but he's still in junior college. Julie, forget about this. You don't have the mental horsepower to be an attorney.

14:57 Drew Oh, that's nice. That's a nice message.

14:59 Adam Well, listen, I'm giving you some tough love. I'm going to make it easy on yourself.

15:04 Drew So what should you do, Mr. High Horse?

15:06 Adam What you should do is you should-

15:08 Drew Save the money?

15:09 Adam Not do the porn, get a regular job, like a hostess or bartender or something, and save your money doing that. And then don't waste it on college, buy a condo.

15:23 Drew Well, her question was about the surgery. So Julie, how come you haven't looked into this at all and talked to a surgeon about it?

15:29 Caller I have an appointment coming up in a couple of weeks.

15:32 Drew Well, he or she will go through with you all the potential risks. It's an operation. There's infection, bleeding, and these implants require some care. And there's all kinds of things that can go wrong with them.

15:42 Adam I bet your agent could recommend somebody.

15:44 Drew Oh, I'm sure.

15:45 Adam Couldn't he?

15:46 Caller Yeah.

15:46 Adam I mean, seriously, handles a few girls, right? And they've had the procedure done, right?

15:52 Caller Right.

15:53 Adam And what do you think of their work?

15:55 Caller It looked fine.

15:56 Adam All right. Well, why don't you see? And he's probably got some kind of group rate discount or something. Why don't you see who he likes?

16:03 Drew And by the way, as far as law school goes, you understand that most people have trouble paying for law school, right?

16:07 Adam Yeah.

16:08 Drew Right. And most people don't go to porn as a way of paying for it. What you do is you take student loans and you pay it back after you join the workforce.

16:16 Adam Well, you don't even have to pay it back. It's good news. Yeah.

16:18 Drew So why? To say, oh, I'm using porn for money for school is denial. It's ludicrous.

16:25 Adam All right. Well, listen, let's not let's not squash your dreams. Julie.

16:29 Caller Yeah.

16:29 Adam Good luck.

16:30 Caller OK.

16:30 Adam I'll be seeing you soon.

16:32 Caller OK.

16:32 Adam And try not to get too freaked out on coke or heroin or anything. All right.

16:37 Caller Oh, yeah, I won't.

16:38 Adam And remember, good eye protection. All right.

16:43 Caller What?

16:44 Adam Yeah. When you're in the industry. Very important.

16:46 Caller Eye protection.

16:47 Adam Yes.

16:48 Drew Splashing.

16:48 Adam Very dangerous.

16:49 Caller OK.

16:50 Adam All right. There you have it.

16:52 Drew Oh, thanks, Adam.

16:53 Adam Yeah. She's going to make a fine attorney. I could just see her arguing a case. Your Honor, I object. On what grounds? You want to see my t- Ah, don't worry about it, Anderson. That's a good word.

17:10 Caller I'm on hold.

17:11 Adam Paul, you're not on hold.

17:13 Caller To win like 10,000 bucks.

17:15 Adam Paul, you idiot.

17:16 Drew He's telling his dad why he's on hold. He's telling his dad why he's on hold.

17:20 Caller Yeah, my uncle's on. Will he be? I know this dude.

17:24 Oh, your uncle.

17:26 Drew This is interesting. He's trying to defend this to his dad.

17:30 Adam I think he's watching the ones who be a millionaire or something. Oh, he's watching one of these trivia shows.

17:35 Caller I see.

17:35 Adam I got to call a lifeline or something.

17:39 Caller Paul. Paul.

17:43 Caller Yeah.

17:44 Drew Now, can you talk to us? You're on the air.

17:48 Caller I am?

17:48 Drew Yeah.

17:48 Caller All right.

17:49 Drew Who were you talking to there?

17:51 Caller Oh, that was the radio and my that was my grandma's boyfriend. Sorry.

17:58 Drew Grandma's boyfriend?

18:00 Caller Yeah, she's only 45. My whole family had young. They were young when they were.

18:05 Drew Grandma's boyfriend. She's my age.

18:06 Adam Good time to be alive. Where where are you calling from?

18:10 Caller Denver.

18:11 Adam Really? Where where's your family originally from?

18:15 Caller As far as I know, right here in Colorado.

18:17 Adam I see. All right, Paul, what's your question?

18:21 Caller Yeah, well, I've got like an older sister.

18:24 Caller Pregnant.

18:29 Caller Well, she kind of messes with me in my sleep.

18:34 Caller Really?

18:35 Caller Yeah.

18:36 Caller I was just wondering if I should tell my parents or just tell her to stop.

18:40 Drew Are your parents a mess or were they people who respond?

18:42 Adam No, no, no.

18:43 Drew Really cool parents. Well, being cool sometimes is not cool. Well, I mean, they're good parents because they smoke pot with you.

18:49 Adam Seventeen and nineteen.

18:50 Caller Yeah, right.

18:52 Adam Yeah. I mean, once in a while, they get an argument when he Bogarts the video game. Paul.

18:59 Caller Yeah.

19:00 Adam How old are your parents just for fun?

19:04 Caller Well, right now, I'm living with my grandparents.

19:07 Drew Why do you live with your parents?

19:10 Caller My mom was kind of she did some drugs like four years ago.

19:15 Adam Shocking.

19:16 Caller And then she totally, she dropped it because really a lot of bad stuff was happening. And now she's in like sort of a halfway house. Not really. She works, she comes and visits and stuff.

19:32 Adam Let me ask Drew a quick question here. Drew, is there such a thing as a three quarter house?

19:37 Drew No, it's all halfway.

19:39 Adam It's all halfway.

19:39 Drew There's a one third house.

19:41 Adam A one third house? Yeah. I wouldn't mind living in that. What are you there Monday, Wednesday kind of thing? Halfway. Monday, Wednesday in a couple hours on Friday?

19:50 Drew No, it's all halfway.

19:51 Adam It's all halfway houses? What's a whole way house? That's a live in, resident, treatment?

19:56 Drew It's inpatient.

19:57 Adam Inpatient. Halfway house means?

19:59 Drew Halfway out.

20:01 Adam What do you get to do on a halfway house?

20:03 Drew You live and just live amongst sober people usually. I mean, most of it refers to recovering.

20:08 Adam So halfway house is a full-time, that's a whole way house.

20:11 Drew Yeah, but you're halfway into the real world, halfway out.

20:13 Adam I see. And again, they don't try to transition them into a quarter house on the way out.

20:18 Drew No, although it's not a bad concept. Stepping down a little more slowly is not a bad idea at all.

20:25 Adam Give them a go.

20:26 Drew And they're really halfway house, not a very accurate term. There's different kinds of residential programs out there.

20:31 Adam I'm just making a joke there. Drew, Paul?

20:33 Caller Yeah.

20:33 Adam How old is your sister?

20:35 Caller Sixteen.

20:36 Adam I see. And what does she do to you when you're in bed?

20:38 Caller Well, she kind of messes around my ass area.

20:41 Caller Oops. Oh, sorry.

20:44 Caller Butt area. And kisses me a lot. And a lot of different places. Haven't gone to the frontal part yet though.

20:51 Adam Is this, well, it's because you're on your belly. She is she, do you sleep on your stomach?

20:55 Caller I don't know. This is when I'm like dozing, not really awake, but.

21:01 Drew Yeah, well, if your parents are sort of hooked into a program, they might be able to help you. So yeah, I would talk to somebody like that. And I would stay, do not be alone with your sister.

21:09 Adam Is this your blood sister?

21:12 Caller Yes.

21:13 Adam Yeah.

21:14 Drew Figure it out, check the family tree out.

21:16 Caller No, I've got a little sister, a brother, me and my older sister all have separate dads, same mom.

21:22 Adam Yeah. Oh boy.

21:24 Drew So that'd be a half sister.

21:25 Adam Paul, let me tell you what your goal is, brother. You're not, you're not too into the ladies now.

21:34 Caller Oh, really? Yeah, I am. Big time. I've got, well, right now I'm with this really, really sweet, sweet girl named Nikki.

21:42 Adam Yeah.

21:43 Caller I'd like to get a look at her.

21:44 Caller She's probably got a mullet.

21:46 Caller All right.

21:46 Adam Listen, Paul, listen to me. Do not get anyone pregnant or you're going to end up like the rest of your crazy f'd up family.

21:52 Caller I've never, I've made out and stuff.

21:55 Adam Yeah, I know.

21:55 Caller You're 14.

21:56 Adam I'm just saying 9 months is going to pass. You're going to have six kids. Don't get anyone pregnant. Remember these words, Paul. You stay out of the same mess, the same mire that your family's in. It's like, you know what you have to do? Everybody, you have to do a mini evolution. You have to evolve. You actually have to crawl out from the mire, from the swamp. That's what your family is.

22:23 Drew That's what it used to be. For thousands of years, it was all about, let's educate and develop children, the offspring, who can do better, who are evolving forward. That the human species is held to a higher standard.

22:36 Caller Not anymore.

22:37 Adam Here's my policy with sisters coming around while I'm sleeping. BJ or nothing, I don't want any ass play, no kissing, none of that nonsense.

22:46 Drew I don't think you have nothing to worry about with your Thurwood Forest.

22:50 Adam How dare you? Brian?

22:56 Caller Yeah?

22:57 Adam You're 14?

22:58 Caller Uh-huh.

22:58 Adam Your parents are moving in with another girl?

23:01 Caller Yeah.

23:02 Adam What's that mean?

23:02 Caller What?

23:04 Drew Oh my god, this is weird, apparently.

23:06 Adam What are your parents doing?

23:07 Caller They're moving in with their best friend.

23:10 Adam Who's a girl?

23:11 Caller Yeah.

23:12 Drew How old are your parents? They're moving in with her?

23:17 Caller Yeah. We're all moving to a big house.

23:19 Caller Why?

23:20 Caller Because they're engaged in sexual matter.

23:24 Drew How do you know about this?

23:25 Adam Were you in Utah?

23:27 No. Where are you calling from?

23:29 Caller Bakersfield area.

23:31 Drew How do you know about this?

23:32 Caller Because I've dug through some of their stuff before and I've dug up some stuff.

23:36 Caller Like what?

23:38 Caller I know that my mom's friend was raped when she was little, so she has HIV, I think, maybe.

23:47 Drew Well, wait a minute. Give me a break. How do you know she was raped?

23:51 Adam Colombo's brother, Retardo.

23:53 Drew What is it?

23:54 Caller My mom's six and I found condoms in my parents' room.

23:57 Drew So what?

23:57 Caller That was one of the things that led me to think to something. And then I told my mom's best friend's daughter, which is 14, same age as me, told her what? About this.

24:06 Drew That you found condoms in your parents' room?

24:08 Caller That I think that they were engaged because we heard them one night. They came home from bruising the village and they were really drunk. And we heard them.

24:16 Adam They came home from where?

24:18 Caller Bruising the village. It's a drinking thing.

24:20 Adam Oh yeah. Out there in Bakersfield?

24:22 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

24:22 Adam Been there many times. Hold on. Okay. That's one of the hallmarks of being stupid. You think other people around the country know everything. Stuff that's sort of germane to your little world.

24:32 Caller Yeah.

24:33 Adam It's your world.

24:33 Caller All right.

24:34 Adam Listen, hey, Brian.

24:35 Caller Yeah.

24:35 Adam Uh, don't get anyone pregnant. Well, listen, I don't, this sounds like a mess. Although I don't think it's quite what you think it is.

24:45 Caller You want me to get you something deeper? I'm engaged with sexual intercourse with my mom's best friend's daughter.

24:51 Drew And she's 14?

24:52 Caller Yeah.

24:53 Caller Yeah. All right.

24:53 Drew That I believe.

24:54 Adam I believe that. Using any protection?

24:57 Caller My mom's tried to give us some before, but we haven't yet.

25:00 Drew Why are you?

25:02 Adam Brian.

25:03 Brian, listen to me.

25:05 Adam Listen to me. I'm going to say this to everybody out there. Please listen. I know I'm up on my horse. We got to we got to run.

25:12 Caller We're running late for break.

25:13 Adam I get my cranberry recipe. I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now.

25:16 Caller But here's the deal.

25:17 Adam It's like this is what I tell my mom. I don't blame any of you for being stupid. I blame you for not listening to smart people. Understand you're stupid. You don't know what the F is going on. You're 14. Your head's spinning like a goddamn dreidel. Your family's a mess. Everything's a mess. I understand all of that.

25:39 Drew Stop and listen.

25:40 Adam Yeah. I tell this to my mom when I'm talking about fixing her house.

25:42 Drew Nice.

25:43 Adam You don't know what you're doing. I do.

25:45 Drew Save her from yourself.

25:46 Adam Listen to me.

25:47 Drew Yes.

25:47 Adam Just listen to me. Don't question me. So here's what you do. All you stupid people out there. First off, understand you're stupid. Secondly, that's fine. Admit you're stupid. And third, seek the advice of people who aren't stupid.

26:04 Drew And by the way, that's what smart people do. They seek the advice of smarter people.

26:07 Adam I know it sounds like a catch-22 that how can you be stupid if you seek the advice of smarter people. But look at it this way. Look at your life like a road trip and you're in some state you never been in before. Don't just keep driving aimlessly. Pull over, find some local and ask for a directions and listen.

26:26 Drew Yeah, the problem is the locals they choose are pretty f'ed up themselves.

26:29 Adam I'm your local.

26:30 Drew Okay.

26:31 Adam I'm the guy.

26:31 Drew So how do you pick the right guy?

26:33 Adam I'm the guy whittling in the rocking chair out front of the Phillips 66 or Mohawk station on the long Route 5.

26:41 Drew Sinclair.

26:42 Adam Do not get somebody pregnant. That is the first. It's like A number one. You cannot pass go, you cannot collect 200 bucks, you cannot begin your journey without this piece of advice. All you screwed up people from screwed up families. The fundamental cause of your family's problems was too many kids too early. Do not make that same mistake. That's all I'm saying. You have to pull out, Brian. No. You have to get some birth control if you're going to buff your parents, friends. No, no. Just, it's a mess. Don't get anyone pregnant. Otherwise, I don't care what goes on. Any other problem will come and go. Do you know what I mean? There's nothing else that will stay.

27:27 Drew There's some STD problems, but yeah.

27:28 Adam But they don't even care about that as long as it renders them infertile. We'll be back.

27:52 You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

28:13 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. He's Dr. Drew over there. All right, I'm done yelling at the kids. Let's power through some calls. What'd he say?

28:22 Caller All right.

28:23 Adam All right, David.

28:24 Caller Yeah.

28:25 Adam Hey, 15 brother, you're on Loveline.

28:27 Caller Hey, thanks, man.

28:28 Adam What's up?

28:28 Drew What's going on?

28:29 Caller I'm a big man, and I gotta say that, man.

28:31 Adam You bitch!

28:32 Drew Dave, what's up?

28:33 Caller Oh, yeah. But a girl gave me head like a month ago, and there's like itching, but there's no bumps.

28:43 Drew Itching on the skin?

28:44 Caller Yeah.

28:46 Drew What makes you think it has anything to do with what she did to you?

28:50 Caller Gave me head.

28:52 Drew Re-creation? Re-create that?

28:57 Adam This girl gave me head, you know, a month ago, and now there's itching, but there's no bumps.

29:04 Drew What makes you think it has anything to do with what she did to you?

29:14 Adam He's gonna weave that into every conversation, though. And that's his answer. I mean, a cop pulls him over on his moped. Did you see that green light? How was your day at school today, son? Gave me head.

29:34 Oh, man.

29:37 Adam What were your reference sources on this? I don't see any bibliography on this book report you handed in, David. Gave me head. Listen, if I got head when I was 15, I'd work in every conversation, too. I don't blame all that.

29:53 Drew It's not just working in every conversation, it's the response to every question. David, so what's the deal here? What makes you think that that has anything to do with what you've experienced with this young lady?

30:04 Caller Later that day, it started.

30:05 Drew Later that day, it started up. And there was no rash there or anything like that?

30:09 Caller Nope.

30:10 Drew And it's on the skin we're talking about here?

30:12 Caller I guess. Yeah. No, all right.

30:16 Adam He's an idiot. He's like laughing and stuff. But you won't have an itch with no redness or bumps.

30:22 Drew That's right.

30:22 Adam It's almost impossible.

30:23 Drew It's impossible because you'll scratch it and you'll create a rash. It's called lichenification or lichen simplex chronicus.

30:29 Adam That's right. Self-fulfilling scratches.

30:32 Drew That's right.

30:32 Mike?

30:33 Caller Yeah.

30:34 Adam You're 26.

30:35 Caller Yes.

30:35 Adam What's up?

30:36 Caller I've got a problem, kind of a moral dilemma. I found some child porn in my dad's desk.

30:42 Drew What do you mean?

30:43 Caller It was pictures of two naked naked boys and a girl with a website address.

30:50 Adam Let me tell you something, Mike. I wanted to say this in our last caller when our couple of callers go where the guy was saying that he was going through his mom's dad's room and he found condoms and this and that. I don't know. You get to a certain age. I don't know what. No, no, not not you, Mike. I'm not accusing you of snooping. I'm sure you found this in a very innocent fashion. I am saying you get to a certain age and you don't want to know. For me, it was probably 18 or 19. But the point is, is I won't even I won't go in my mom's room. I won't go my dad's room. I don't want to go in the house. I'm going to my dad's for Thanksgiving. I'm going to sit out in the porch and then bring me food. I do not, you know, I go in the bathroom and I'm taking a leak and I get something in my eye or something. I think I can get some eye drops. I'm scared to open the medicine cabinet for fear of some kind of vaginal lubricant or some some bizarre personal item I might come across. You know, I don't look around. I don't want to know. I'll put a blindfold on like a hostage. I don't know what my dad's house looks like. I really don't. I only can go from memory from high school.

31:53 Drew There was a little like a horse where those blinders as you walk through the actually were blindfold like a hostage.

31:58 Adam I put the food in front of me and I go, you know, I have to raise my hand. Where's the glass? I feel around the table. It's on the left on the left side. Don't be careful. You're eating off and Pat's plate. Be warmer, warmer. Yeah. Drew, right. You don't want to look. You wouldn't go through your parents' bedroom for a million dollars, would you?

32:17 Caller Yeah, it wasn't his bedroom.

32:19 Caller It was his office desk.

32:21 Caller Right.

32:21 Adam And find all those pennies your dad has saved up.

32:25 Caller All right.

32:25 Adam So you found, oh, Christ.

32:27 Caller But my point is, I've got a one-year-old nephew now. I don't think my sister and I, we don't think that we were molested in any sort of way.

32:35 Drew Anything else weird about your dad?

32:37 Caller Yeah. Oh, plenty. He's with a woman now that they're into some, I guess, bizarre sexual stuff. A friend of mine that just recently committed suicide, got a blowjob from her.

32:51 Adam Well, that must have been a bad blowjob. By the way, that's not going on her resume. Last guy in blue killed himself. I mean, Jesus Christ, how does that make you feel as a woman, you know? Yeah, I blew him and, well, it was almost a day later when he killed himself.

33:11 Caller Maybe about three weeks.

33:12 Adam Jesus Christ.

33:14 Caller Anyway, my point is, is there anything I should be doing to try to get my dad some help, or do you think he needs help, or what am I supposed to do?

33:20 Adam How old is he?

33:22 Caller Mid 50s.

33:23 Adam What's he do for a living?

33:25 Caller He is a salesman.

33:26 Adam Perfect. I don't trust people that sell things for a living. When you sell something, what you're saying to the world is, I have no skill, I could do nothing else. I'm gonna try to get a percentage off of people who don't really need me. So Mike, here's my feeling with this guy. Is he on drugs or booze or anything?

33:44 Caller He's an alcoholic, he's not a drug addict.

33:48 Drew How much of focus on getting that treated?

33:50 Adam How about you hire a drifter to kill him? I would do that if I found a child porn in my downstairs.

33:56 Drew Couldn't you report this to the police?

33:58 Caller Is it worth it? I don't know that it's that serious.

34:02 Drew Well, anyone that uses child porn, but anybody that frequents child pornographic sites is supporting that whole process.

34:10 Adam Well, listen, I really do think, Mike, this is a situation where your dad's crazy, he's a boozer, he's probably got another four to seven years. Basically your job is to try to avoid him when he's drunk.

34:23 Drew But no, wait a minute. What if he's predatory? What if he's hurting people?

34:26 Adam He's not doing anything. You think he's doing anything?

34:29 Caller I don't know.

34:30 Drew He's worried about his one-year-old nephew.

34:33 Adam Do you really think that this guy's a danger to your nephew?

34:36 Caller I don't know. I don't think he did anything to my sister and I, but I didn't plan on finding child pornography in his death.

34:42 Drew Don't leave him alone with any kids. Rule number one. Number two, I would get working on the alcoholism, because in the process of that treatment, all this would come out.

34:51 Adam Well, it is true.

34:52 Drew I bet if he sobers up, and by the way, in the course of treatment, if you would participate in the treatment, you should bring this up as part of the consequence of his disease. It's something that needs to be processed in a treatment center, a safe environment.

35:08 Adam I know I was raised with no family values whatsoever, but my feeling is if your parents can't hold up their end of the bargain by not being freaks, just let them rot. Leave him and his child porn and his booze and his screwed up old lady just to suck off the government and rot somewhere. You don't have to go over there.

35:31 Drew Nice thought.

35:32 Adam Well, how close is he with the guy anyway? How much does he really love him? What does he need him for?

35:37 Drew But the question more is should he be taking some action against him or trying to help him?

35:41 Adam I don't think you need to have the guy arrested because he's looking at weird stuff on websites. I don't think he's dangerous. His dick probably doesn't work half the time. Just leave him, leave him to rot.

35:55 Caller You know what I mean?

35:57 Adam I suggest that with everybody, by the way. You have a friend, loved one, family member doing something weird.

36:03 Stop.

36:04 Adam Just don't go over there. Either way, it solves itself, right? Ashley?

36:10 Yes.

36:10 Adam You're 15.

36:11 Caller Yes.

36:11 Adam What's up?

36:14 Caller Long time listener, first time caller. Just want to say.

36:17 Caller Thank you.

36:20 Caller I have had my period for a year and a half now, and for the last nine months, I haven't had mine. I'm on Prozac.

36:29 Drew That could be doing it.

36:30 Caller Could it be doing it?

36:32 Caller Okay.

36:32 Caller Because I was just wondering if it was just me or the medication.

36:36 Drew No, but you need to talk to your doctor about it. Have you had any lactation and any discharge from your breast, anything like that?

36:41 Caller A little bit.

36:42 Drew Yeah. You got to talk to anything besides Prozac you're taking?

36:46 Caller I'm taking these sleeping pills. I think. True. I don't know the name.

36:52 Drew I wonder if they're doing this. Prozac doesn't do this stuff very often, but.

36:55 Adam Getting to sleep. Will you send some of those over to the studio? I don't know, Drew, you can read what's on the pill. You could tell what it is, right?

37:02 Caller Well, I try not to take them that much because they give me really bad headaches.

37:06 Caller Hmm.

37:07 Adam Sounds good, though. Sounds powerful.

37:08 Caller All right.

37:09 Drew But you should.

37:09 Adam Why are you taking sleeping pills at 15?

37:11 Caller Um, I'm. Can't sleep at all. I usually only get like one to two hours of sleep per night.

37:18 Drew You should be talking to your doctors about this, right?

37:20 Adam What happened? Were you traumatized or something?

37:23 Caller Um, I had an eating disorder for four years and.

37:26 Drew Yeah, starting at 11.

37:28 Adam Yeah, what got you going on the eating disorder? Oh, what do you throw up at 11? Happy meals and a Captain Crunch?

37:36 Caller No, I don't. Um, it was just a bad situation. My parents are going through a lot.

37:41 Adam And so I see.

37:44 Caller All right, depressed.

37:45 Drew Yeah. And hmm. And so you haven't talked to doctors about you're not having had a period?

37:50 Caller No, I haven't. Not yet.

37:51 Drew Okay, you should do that like month to and you have a period. Go ahead and report that. All right.

37:56 Caller Okay. All right.

37:57 Drew I'm sure I'm sure they can. I'm sure it's not a big deal, though. They will do a little bit of testing to make sure it's not something else going on, but it's probably the medication.

38:04 Caller Okay.

38:04 Drew All right.

38:05 Caller Thank you.

38:05 Adam You you're not dancing anymore?

38:08 Caller No.

38:09 Drew Good.

38:09 Adam Were you went into ballet?

38:11 Caller Oh, no, I'm a model.

38:14 Caller Oh, really?

38:14 Caller Yeah.

38:15 Adam She's what's up with you models?

38:16 Caller Why are you all so crazy?

38:18 Caller How does that go?

38:19 Adam It must be a burden for a woman to be beautiful.

38:22 Caller No, it's not.

38:24 Caller No, I'm a good thing.

38:25 Caller It seems like a lot of pressure.

38:28 Adam You know what it is? You know what I'm thinking about with a woman when she's very, very beautiful? It's very desirable. But on the other hand, I think other people think you have it better than you actually do. And it's sort of like driving a really nice car everywhere all the time. Well, it's cool, but it's a full time job. I mean, if you're a chick and you're really super hot, it'd probably be like you just driving a Ferrari everywhere, which is great on a Saturday night when you're going to a movie. But it's not so great when you got to like run down to the corner to get a six pack at 1 30 in the morning on a Tuesday and you don't want to leave it in the parking lot. I mean, I could see that. Like sometimes I think about these extremely beautiful women. Great for the movie openings. But what about when they just want to go to the bank or they just want to go to the liquor store or they're in a crappy neighborhood and they got to like stop and ask for directions or pump their own gas. You know, they're driving through some crappy neighborhoods.

39:27 Drew How about just getting through airports and things? You know, when you're just trying to go for a play.

39:30 Adam Yeah, and people talking to you all the time.

39:33 Drew And yeah, that's why you mistreat people.

39:35 Adam Yeah, it's got to be rough. That's why I mistreat. Yes, I mistreat the attractive and the rich and powerful. Drew, please, please back me up on this.

39:45 Drew You're fair to me.

39:46 Adam I'm only mean to people that are higher up on the ladder than I am.

39:50 Drew You know, I got on a plane this evening and the first thing they want to talk to you about was your ranting about the walnuts or the almonds.

39:56 Adam On the airplanes?

39:57 Drew Yes, they brought the captain on. He could have gotten arrested. It's a violation of federal law, you know.

40:03 Adam Just because I forced the captain to come out of the cockpit, open the mixed fiesta pack and separate the almonds from the other checks, mix and things like that.

40:14 Drew Literally as I walked in the plane, they went, hey, got to talk to you about something.

40:16 Adam Were you flying, what was it, Southwest? No.

40:19 Drew No, this was United going from Denver to here.

40:21 Adam Nice. Yeah, well, he did it while we're on the ground. He wasn't doing anything.

40:26 Caller You are an asshole.

40:27 Adam He was having fun. I said, I'm flying first class. I like almonds. I need them separated.

40:36 Drew Oh, man.

40:38 Caller He was screwing around.

40:40 Adam You know what I mean? It'd be like if you had you told Shaquille O'Neal, you know, get down and armor all my car tires, you son of a bitch. And he went, yes, and he just went and did it. You know, be like a joke. See what I'm saying? Anderson doesn't think it's funny. All right, we'll be back.

41:18 You're listening to Love Line on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz.

41:28 Drew Yeah!

41:30 Adam Drew and I just spoke for five minutes very passionately about nuts.

41:34 Drew Oh, bonded actually.

41:36 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you, the best part about flying, is it American or United?

41:40 Drew I think they both do it.

41:41 Adam That little warm cup of mixed nuts, they give you.

41:45 Caller I know you want these nuts. That is so good.

41:48 Caller So good.

41:50 Adam I'll tell you, Jimmy doesn't, Jimmy, my partner, Jimmy Kimmel, he doesn't like nuts. It drives me insane. I don't accept that. I don't know if you guys know this about me, but anything that I like that you don't like, I don't like.

42:01 Drew You reject.

42:02 Adam I reject completely. If I deem something as good, I don't care if it's music or food or architecture or cars, you must like it too. You must be equally.

42:10 Drew This is why our relationship has, and yours and mine has survived so long, because we share these certain commonalities.

42:17 Adam Right. And the only things that you don't like as much as I like is stuff you don't know about, and if you knew it, you would like it as much.

42:23 Drew That's right.

42:24 Adam That's the way I look at it. Lori?

42:27 Caller Hi. You're 23.

42:28 Drew Then I accept that too.

42:29 Adam We'd make a great gay couple.

42:31 Drew No.

42:31 Adam We really would.

42:32 Caller Nah.

42:33 Drew You and Jimmy are much better.

42:34 Adam Smoked almonds every night for dinner.

42:37 Drew Macadamia nuts for dessert.

42:38 Adam We'd listen to the Dixie Chicks. Uh-oh. Jimmy's on the phone.

42:42 Drew No. No.

42:45 Adam Whoever gave him the hotline number.

42:48 Drew Hang on one second, Laurie. Hang on one second.

42:50 Adam You hate performing oral sex?

42:51 Drew No, a boyfriend does.

42:52 Adam Oh, your boyfriend does. Much bigger problem. Hold on a second.

42:55 Caller Andrew Drew's a boy. Sounds funny.

42:59 Adam Yeah, that'd be Jimmy. Jimmy?

43:01 Caller I also hate performing oral sex.

43:03 Drew On Adam?

43:04 Caller On anyone. Anyone. Listen, Drew. Jimmy? Seriously, do you ever want to just climb back with the pets in the luggage department when you're flying with Adams?

43:14 Drew Oh, are you kidding?

43:15 Caller Because he's going to get arrested, first of all. And that is not a joke. And he made the pilot, he made the pilot sort through the nuts so he could get the nuts he liked out of the thing.

43:26 Adam Yeah, I made him sort through the trail mix so I could pick the nuts out of that. Of which there was only five.

43:32 Drew The great thing is, though, he made such a stink with the flight attendant, the flight attendant got upset and brought the captain out. And Adam thinks that's funny.

43:39 Caller It was great because it was done in a humorous fashion, but it was still extremely uncomfortable.

43:44 Drew I have no doubt about that.

43:45 Caller And then I have to go through the whole, I can't believe you don't like nuts thing. You know, first of all, why would you want me to like nuts? Because you love nuts so much, I always get the nuts and I give them to you.

43:59 Adam I know. And it sparks the same conversation each and every time as I devour.

44:03 Caller Every single time it's the same conversation. And mark my words, Adam Carolla, when he's finally arrested, it will be on a plane.

44:12 Drew Oh, there's no doubt about it. And does he not do the same... By the way, Jim, are you high?

44:16 Caller No.

44:17 Drew Okay. And so does he not do the same thing to you that he does to me, which is he insists on like eye contact and full attention from like, you know, from LA takeoff departure till somewhere around Albuquerque?

44:29 Caller Yes, but I'm not nearly as nice as you are, Drew. Why would you ask me if I'm high?

44:35 Adam How dare you.

44:36 Caller Everyone that calls the show is high, Drew.

44:38 Drew Oh, I'm sorry. I just got a little confused for a second.

44:41 Adam Well, listen, first off, I do not ask that Jimmy provide eye contact for me because he is listening.

44:47 Caller All he needs is an ear.

44:49 Adam That's right. Drew, however, works on Scantron Sheets, which is a slap in the face to a celebrity of my caliber when I'm imparting nuggets of wisdom.

44:58 Drew But aren't you embarrassed when he then puts on the lovey eye shades and leans back, puts his feet up on the headrest of the guy in front of him?

45:04 Caller He knows better.

45:05 Drew Yeah. Oh, he hasn't put the eye shades on with you?

45:07 Caller No, no.

45:08 Adam Oh, I bring the eye shade when we travel.

45:10 Caller It never goes on. It never goes on. Because you have to stop talking for five seconds.

45:16 Adam Yeah. I can only talk to Drew for like three and a half hours. Jimmy, I can make it all the way to New York or Toronto with.

45:23 Caller Drew, before I hang up, I'm going to curse you, Drew. For what? Because you said that thing about me being high. Adam, you know what you don't see on TV anymore? Tracing the call.

45:34 Adam Yes.

45:35 Caller Keep him on the line for 30 seconds.

45:37 Adam That's right.

45:38 Caller The call.

45:38 Adam That's right.

45:39 Caller I'm going to hang up.

45:40 Adam Yeah, that's good. I'm going to keep going with that. Thanks, Jimmy. That's right. Remember you'd watch those TV shows from the 70s and the housewife would pick the phone up.

45:50 Drew Maybe someone with a headset behind her.

45:51 Adam And the guy who was from the FBI would be given to stretch it out.

45:56 Drew Come on.

45:57 Adam Stretch it out. Just a little longer. We can get coordinates on. We can lock in where his location is so we can trace the call. If they don't do it, apparently they can trace calls immediately now.

46:07 Drew Yes.

46:08 Adam Are they still do that, Anderson? All right.

46:11 Drew We just don't see it. The convention isn't in television any longer.

46:14 Adam Lori?

46:15 Caller Yeah.

46:16 Adam Your boyfriend hates performing oral sex?

46:19 Caller Yes.

46:20 Adam Yeah.

46:20 Caller We've been together for about a year and he just is really uncomfortable with it.

46:24 Adam How do you know?

46:26 Caller We've talked about it.

46:27 Drew What does he say?

46:30 Caller I mean, he doesn't really like to talk about it, but I bring it up and I asked him why, and I'm not really sure why it is. He just says that he just doesn't like it. And that's basically his answer.

46:40 Adam Yeah. Is he gay?

46:42 Caller No.

46:43 Adam Has he ever entered a pie eating contest?

46:46 Caller I don't think so.

46:47 Caller Yeah.

46:47 Adam Cause that's my technique.

46:49 Caller You know what I mean?

46:50 Caller Pie eating?

46:51 Adam Yeah. I just bury my face right in there. I don't even know what part's which. I can't figure it out. I just figure I'll hit them all. Is he black? No. No. Because some of the black guys don't like doing that.

47:06 Caller He's white.

47:06 Adam I see. And a western boy. What does he cite in a reason as to why he can't do this?

47:14 Caller Well, he says like if he... He stopped drinking for a while and he used to drink a lot and he said when he would drink a lot then he'd be more comfortable. I guess maybe he could let loose more. And now I don't know. He just feels...

47:28 Drew We need to talk to this young man.

47:29 Adam Do you have any problems down there?

47:32 Caller No.

47:32 Drew Can we talk to him?

47:34 Caller He's not here.

47:35 Drew Can we talk to him?

47:35 Adam Why don't you just get him drinking again?

47:38 Drew Oh nice. Can we speak with him?

47:40 Caller Well a couple of times he has drank, he's said that that's what he wants to do and then it kind of bothers me that that's the only time that he would want to do it.

47:48 Drew Understandably.

47:48 Caller It's only been once.

47:49 Adam Ladies, would you be offended if a guy went down there and then popped up and took a good swig off a flask and then got back down there? And you wouldn't take that very well. Like Doug got down there for a few minutes and said, hold on, I pulled a flask out of his bathroom, took two big like swigs off of it and then and then drove back in. Not a compliment? No. I wouldn't mind. All right, hold on, Laurie, we got to take a break. I got to yell at Drew about mixed nuts and then we'll get back with you and we'll get to the bottom of this. See if you can track them down. I'd like to talk to him.

48:23 Caller Okay.

48:24 Adam Call him up or something. Get him on the other line.

48:26 Caller Okay.

48:26 Adam All right, we'll be back.

48:47 Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz KQBC Seattle.

49:13 Adam I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Got a box with David Allen Grier tomorrow.

49:23 Drew Oh, no kidding, at your house?

49:24 Adam Yes, theoretically, unless he stands me up.

49:28 Drew He will.

49:28 Adam Let's see how much man he is. We gonna go back to Lori over here? Lori, yeah. Okay, so your boyfriend doesn't like going down on you unless he's drunk and he's not drunk anymore.

49:44 Caller Right, once in a while. It's very rare.

49:47 Adam I see. And how about you tell him you like it and tell him to get down there?

49:52 Caller I have.

49:53 Adam And do you perform oral sex on him?

49:56 Caller Yes.

49:57 Adam Why don't you quarantine his penis until he gets down on you?

50:01 Drew Right.

50:01 Caller Well, that's what I was thinking about doing.

50:03 Drew That's fine.

50:04 Caller But I don't think he'd care. All right.

50:07 Adam Hey, why don't you break up, then?

50:10 Caller Really?

50:10 Adam Well, he doesn't care if you blow him. He's not going down on you. It doesn't sound like you're particularly fond of each other.

50:20 Caller No, but we are. We're very fond of each other.

50:22 Adam I can see that.

50:23 Caller That's my whole point.

50:24 Adam There's great love. Great love.

50:27 Caller Well, that's the whole point, is that if I felt like if he really did care and love me, then he would not have a problem with being with me.

50:34 Adam That's our point. That's what it is. Listen, no guy, except for my buddy John, likes going down on a woman. Oh, they say they do, and they like the sort of byproduct of it, which is here's what you get for going down on a woman. You give her pleasure, and she blows you, theoretically, or puts the word out that you're dutiful. But here's the deal. Yeah, let me tell you, because if you don't go down on a woman...

51:03 Drew If she puts that word out, Drew.

51:04 Adam Oh, listen, let me tell you something about women. You don't think they talk about sex. They talk about sex. Drew, your wife talks about sex way more than you do, and you do two hours a night on a radio show. I guarantee it. Yeah. And here's the thing about women, too. You give them a half glass of Chardonnay, and that's it. They're all like ex-porn stars at that point. And if you put more than four or five of them in the same room, and a couple glasses of wine...

51:29 Drew It's embarrassing.

51:30 Adam Oh. They crack open like bad Easter eggs. They really do. And they start talking about sex. Ann, right?

51:39 Drew Ann wants to say something here.

51:41 Adam And if you're with... If you're one of the guys who's with one of these girls...

51:46 Drew And you're not doing your duty?

51:48 Adam They're gonna know. Right, Ann?

51:51 Caller All I know is that I was hanging out with one of your ex-girlfriends. And I heard, what a great lover you were. And when I reported that back to you, you remember this.

52:02 Adam Was that Cynthia?

52:02 Caller You were glowing. You were glowing. You're like, really? What else did she say? Yeah. So, yeah, he's making a good point. It's true.

52:11 Adam Yeah, they will.

52:12 Caller We do discuss it. Right away.

52:13 Adam They will talk. And then your name will be sort of circulated. And you'll be the guy who doesn't go down on checks. So, and it will be put in your permanent file. So, it's important.

52:26 Caller It's very true. This was six years ago. And I still remember that comment.

52:29 Adam All right. And Ann, seriously now, I mean, totally hypothetically. But take your pants off. No, hypothetically, Ann.

52:38 Caller Okay.

52:38 Adam Seriously. If there was to be some instance where you and I were traveling, we're doing something for the radio, we had a few high balls.

52:48 Drew It would have been the assessment of other women that set you up for any action.

52:52 Caller We're totally loaded.

52:53 Adam We're totally loaded. And let's say, you know, you got divorced, whatever. Doug went gay-er and, no, Doug went gay and you got the kids, whatever, you got divorced. And you and I were just, you know, we're just, we're up in my hotel room drinking. And it started to seem like something was going to happen. That last report that you got, I know you want to put a trash can here in case you got a heave. That last report that you got six years ago would be somewhere up in your head. That was at the stage.

53:25 Caller Oh yeah, definitely.

53:25 Adam You know what I'm saying? And if the report was a really negative one, That would be there. Like a smelly sack doesn't go down, lasts for two minutes, pimples on ass. Then that would be a deal breaker, right?

53:39 Caller Exactly.

53:40 Adam Right. So that's why it's important, fellas. It's important to get a radio show.

53:44 Caller We know everything.

53:46 I know things about Drew.

53:47 Adam What? Oh, yeah. Oh, let me tell you.

53:50 We all know things about Drew.

53:52 Adam Yeah. Oh, listen, your wife, she gets a whiff of like cough medicine and she starts rambling like an auctioneer. She really does. She loves to tell embarrassing sex stories, doesn't she?

54:08 Drew I guess I wasn't aware of it.

54:09 Adam Oh, how dare you not be aware of that. What do you mean? Susan, come on.

54:15 Drew No, I wasn't aware of these stories.

54:16 Adam I'll tell you, I don't like to be in places where I get drunk with her because she'll tell me stories. She'll tell me things. I wanted to order the Spice Channel up at the hotel room and Drew was taking a Scantron test. Then he couldn't achieve an erection so he cried, but I gave him an issue of JAMA and he felt better.

54:39 Painful erection that will not go away.

54:41 Adam She'll talk that one. As a matter of fact, you should talk to her. She really opens up. Doesn't she Ann? She'll tell you a story or two. And it's weird because her telling me a sex story about Drew, it's like your mom telling you something about your dad, you know? Then your dad-

54:57 It's extremely uncomfortable.

54:58 Adam Your dad is bigger than most men. I don't know if you're aware of that. And he approached me with his penis. Sure he was drunk, but he was horny and he could still get it up. And it's like, okay, mom, please, no. That's the way I swear I feel that way with Susan. Whenever she starts talking sex. She's a beautiful woman and normally you'd be excited to see a woman like that talking sex, but not when it's about Drew. Ann, I don't know if you feel the same way, but it's a little disconcerting, right?

55:27 Caller It is. Yeah, because I don't look at you that way.

55:30 Adam No, no, it's hard to look at certain people that way. Ann, would you look at me more sexually than Drew? I know it's a difference between...

55:40 Caller No, because you fart all the time, and it's just you taking all that away.

55:44 Adam Oh, really? The gas broke the deal. But if you had to do One of Us, you know what I mean? You have to. There's some...

55:53 Drew Life depends upon it....

55:53 Adam some law that's passed that you have to have sex with One of Us. Anderson. You do Anderson? Yeah. Really? Anderson's going to jack off to that tonight, by the way. Oh, yeah. You just made the belly. You made the belly of fame. Seriously, me or Drew, you gotta do one. You gotta do one. I know Drew's more appealing, but then it's weirder. You know what I mean?

56:17 Drew It's like we've known each other a lot longer.

56:19 Adam You got this handsome, clean dad and then this weird scuzzy uncle and you have to have sex with one of them. I think you go with the uncle, right? Because you're just further away.

56:27 Caller You love these hypothetical questions, don't you? Yeah.

56:30 Adam And you go me, though.

56:31 Caller He's in the same position.

56:32 Adam Would you go me?

56:33 Caller Should I just say you?

56:34 Drew Just say get it over with.

56:35 Caller Okay, you Adam.

56:36 Adam Right. And let me tell you something, man.

56:38 Drew This is where Lisa screwed up last night. She showed this guy, yes.

56:41 Adam Halfway into it, I think you'd start coming around. I think you'd forget all about the hair on the ass and excessive gas and you'd just let, yeah, all I ask.

56:52 Caller Hey, if you're as good as they say.

56:54 Adam Let yourself go. Oh yes. I know what a woman likes. I don't like what a woman likes, but I know what they like and I know how to do it. I know what to do for them. I really do. I'm a technician in the bedroom, early in. It was like, you know, I am in the bedroom. It's like when I was a carpenter. I was a damn good carpenter. I hated every minute of it. But I knew how to please the customer.

57:21 Drew Oh my God.

57:22 Adam You know what I'm saying?

57:22 Drew 92%.

57:24 Adam 92% of the time I please a customer. And if I want to press, I want to take care of the business.

57:27 Drew I thought it was 92% of the way there.

57:30 Adam Oh yeah, it was 100% guy.

57:31 Drew Yeah.

57:32 Adam Yeah.

57:32 Drew You know, to put the women to, yeah?

57:34 Adam Yeah.

57:34 Drew Yeah.

57:35 Adam Yeah. No, I once was told by a client of mine when I was a carpenter, when I didn't finish some project, he said, you're one of those 90% guys, aren't you? You're one of those guys who finishes nine tenths of the job and never finishes that last 10%. I said, no, I'm a 70% guy. I'm giving you the extra 20%. This is a big bonus. You should appreciate it, which is true. Angie?

58:00 Caller Yes.

58:01 Adam You're 27.

58:02 Caller Yes.

58:02 Adam I could please you sexually too.

58:07 Caller No, no, thank you.

58:08 Drew Yeah. All right.

58:09 Adam Okay. It's your poison.

58:12 Drew What's up, Angie?

58:13 Caller Well, this happened about a month ago. I got really inebriated with my boyfriend. I was spotting, just coming off of my period. We do use protection. I don't want any children, by the way. That's for you, Andrew. Anyway.

58:30 Adam Is your boyfriend Andrew?

58:32 Caller No, that's for you, Andrew, as far as telling everybody not to have kids. Don't want any kids.

58:38 Drew You and Drew.

58:39 Adam Oh, you and Drew. I thought you said that's for you, Andrew.

58:43 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

58:44 Caller Oh, okay. Okay. No, not Drew.

58:46 Adam What's your mom doing in Israel?

58:48 Drew Yeah.

58:48 Adam Okay. So what's going on?

58:50 Caller Anyway, we got really inebriated. I did not realize I was spotty. I had tampon in and we do wear protection. Neither of us felt it and got pushed into my uterus. And I had noticed that there was something wrong, but I didn't feel any normal symptoms of yeast infection.

59:08 Drew I guarantee you, it didn't get pushed into your uterus. It got pushed up in the weight behind your cervix.

59:14 Caller Okay. It was there for three weeks before it came out.

59:21 Drew It's a very common thing.

59:22 Adam What kind of shape was that thing in?

59:24 Drew It's not uncommon.

59:26 Caller Not nice. And I know that this is really gross, but I need to, I don't have any insurance. I don't want to go to the doctor if I don't have to.

59:32 Drew All right, listen, it's not gross.

59:34 Adam Oh yes.

59:35 Caller It was very gross.

59:36 Drew It's a common reason for women to come to the doctor, to get those retrieved. It's common for the doctor to find one when he has a pelvic exam that he didn't know was there.

59:44 Adam Drew, what do they retrieve that with?

59:47 Drew Usually a finger, but there's these little forceps you can get that.

59:50 Adam Yeah, the hand mit that, the head poison.

59:51 Caller It makes its way out on its own.

59:52 Adam It is gone.

59:53 Drew And the problem is that that's how people get toxic shock syndrome.

59:57 Caller I have not.

59:58 Drew But it's out now, so it's over.

1:00:00 Caller Yes, and it's been out now for two weeks, and I would think that if I had toxic shock, I would be able to get it.

1:00:06 Drew It's over, it's over. Forget it.

1:00:08 Adam It's over.

1:00:09 Drew It's over.

1:00:09 Adam Hey, Angie.

1:00:10 Caller Yes.

1:00:11 Adam I know they make, you know, jumbo and super absorbent ones. How about one with like a four foot cord on it for you drunk chicks?

1:00:18 Caller Rip cord.

1:00:19 Caller That's...

1:00:20 Adam You know what I mean?

1:00:22 Caller You don't understand when...

1:00:23 Caller You don't feel a tampon when it's in you.

1:00:25 Adam I know. That's what I'm saying. You put the four foot cord on there for the gals who like to drink and never know when they're going to get it.

1:00:31 Caller It did have a long string.

1:00:33 Caller I don't know how it happened.

1:00:34 Drew It happens all the time. It happened to me before.

1:00:37 Caller It happens all the time. I'm going to be really careful.

1:00:39 Drew It happens all the time as you relax.

1:00:41 Adam You drunk now, baby?

1:00:42 Caller No.

1:00:43 Adam You sound a little nutty.

1:00:44 Caller Well, it's 12.19 here. It's past my bedtime. You guys come on late.

1:00:48 Adam Okay, baby.

1:00:49 Caller Where are you?

1:00:50 Caller So, I don't need to go to the doctor or anything.

1:00:52 Drew No, you don't have to.

1:00:54 Adam What do you do? Are you a nurse?

1:00:55 Caller No.

1:00:56 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:00:59 Caller I do not get into it.

1:01:00 Adam What is it?

1:01:02 Caller I'm actually unemployed right now.

1:01:04 Adam I see.

1:01:04 Caller I'm getting a job. I just lost a job that I really liked.

1:01:07 Adam Which was?

1:01:11 Caller I was working doing roadside assistance.

1:01:14 Adam Roadside assistance.

1:01:15 Caller I haven't been to junior college anything. I would like to go to college. I don't have finances for it. I'm trying to find a job I can work my way up with.

1:01:24 Adam I see. All right. I just want to warn you of something. You're 27, a relatively young woman, and you're getting that cadence of women in their 40s and 50s who call these talk shows. You know that crazy bitchy cadence? I'm currently not employed right now. I'm sorry, but it's past midnight here, and I'm not accustomed to... You know that cadence?

1:01:52 Caller Okay, yeah.

1:01:53 Adam You're getting that cadence, Angie. I'm just warning you. You're 27. That cadence shouldn't kick in for another 14 years.

1:01:59 Caller Well, I shouldn't be like that.

1:02:00 Drew All right, baby.

1:02:01 Adam That's cool.

1:02:01 Caller I'm sorry if I accidentally do a pending run with it.

1:02:03 Adam No, that's fine. Hey, listen, it's all good.

1:02:06 Drew Enjoy.

1:02:06 Caller All right.

1:02:06 Adam Enjoy, all right?

1:02:07 Drew Thank you.

1:02:07 Caller All right.

1:02:08 Adam Take care of yourself. Drew, what do you think about a long tampon string? And what's a tampon string run? About three inches?

1:02:16 Drew Yeah.

1:02:17 Adam I'm showing you. Yeah, about three inches. About three inches. Seems a little light.

1:02:21 Drew Yeah. Well, the thing for you, if it were you, you'd need like a rope to grab on to it.

1:02:27 Adam You know how I would measure the tampon string?

1:02:30 Drew Yeah.

1:02:31 Adam If I was designing tampons?

1:02:32 Drew Fathoms.

1:02:33 Adam Which I may get into.

1:02:34 Drew Do you do these things?

1:02:35 Adam Like Mark Twain. That's how I got his name. Mark the tampon. All right.

1:02:40 Drew Plum lights.

1:02:41 Adam Here's the point. I would take a piece of string and I would go from the woman's chin down to her vagina and I'd go, this is as long as it possibly has to be. It just couldn't get any further than this. It would come out of her mouth. And then I would have a set for taller women. Do you see what I'm saying?

1:02:56 Drew Yes, of course.

1:02:56 Adam But if you had a string that was...

1:03:00 Drew Three fathoms? No. You make...

1:03:02 Adam What's a fathom? About six feet?

1:03:04 Drew Yeah.

1:03:06 Adam I would have it long enough to tie around their leg. You know, like a leash on a surfboard.

1:03:11 Drew Or like a catheter.

1:03:13 Adam What's wrong with making that thing just five, six inches instead of three inches? You know what I mean? It's not like they got to hang it out of their fly.

1:03:20 Caller You don't need a really long string.

1:03:22 Adam You don't need it that long? Hey, but what about this, Ann?

1:03:26 Drew Ann said she doesn't like this talk.

1:03:27 Adam Don't you want a couple inches hanging anyway? You know what I mean? You really want to go up there after it? Do you know what I'm saying?

1:03:34 Caller Three inches is plenty, right, Drew?

1:03:36 Drew Yeah, I'm just wondering where he's getting at there.

1:03:37 Adam How far does the tampon go up in there?

1:03:40 Drew This far.

1:03:41 Adam That inch and a half?

1:03:42 Drew Yeah.

1:03:42 Adam Inch and a half, Ann?

1:03:44 Drew Yeah, I would say. There's plenty.

1:03:46 Adam You could leave it in, you know, if we got it on.

1:03:50 Drew You just work around it.

1:03:54 Adam Yeah, I wouldn't push it in. I might push it over. So if it's an inch and a half in, the string's three inches long, you may have got an inch and a half hanging out, right?

1:04:02 Drew Yeah.

1:04:03 Adam I see. And Ann, just a quick question. I know we're getting a little personal tonight, but if you were getting dressed with a tampon in, would you just let the string hang out, don't pull your underpants up, or would you tuck the string somewhere? Do you know what I'm saying? What do you guys do with that string? Some tuck. Some tuck?

1:04:24 Caller Do some tuck? Yeah.

1:04:25 Adam Because you're sort of, you're running with the devil when you tuck that thing. I mean, you're asking for trouble, right?

1:04:32 Caller No.

1:04:32 Adam No?

1:04:33 Caller No.

1:04:33 Adam I see.

1:04:34 Caller No, I think tucking is better.

1:04:36 Adam Is it true that the older ones actually had a lamp type chain on them, the older tampons that got the old ball chains that grandma had on her lamp? And mothballs. So you would tuck, you would tuck if it was going to be, would you tuck if you thought you may be somewhere that someone may see it? Do you know what I'm saying?

1:04:56 Caller How would they see it?

1:04:57 Adam Well, I mean, okay, let's put it this way.

1:05:01 Caller Or in the bikini or something?

1:05:02 Adam Okay, in a bikini or maybe you just got some kind of hot date and you think maybe you're getting a jacuzzi later or something like that. Do you know what I'm saying? Let's go back to the bikini. Let's say you might be in a bikini later. It's a swim pool party. What do you do with the string? Still leave it? You do a little tuck.

1:05:20 Caller A tuck.

1:05:21 Adam You do a tuck?

1:05:21 Drew Yeah.

1:05:22 Adam Okay. And some girls tuck?

1:05:24 Caller Yeah.

1:05:24 Drew I think most women would...

1:05:25 Adam Most women tuck?

1:05:26 Drew Would, well, if you're wearing a piece of clothing that might expose that, you'd...

1:05:31 Adam Well, you'd be wearing underpants, so you wouldn't have to tuck, but you wouldn't want it to come out of the side of the underpants or something, right?

1:05:37 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Do a little tuck. It's a perfect little crease for tucking down there.

1:05:40 Adam Right.

1:05:41 Caller It's wonderful.

1:05:42 Adam And stuff stays, right?

1:05:43 Caller Yeah.

1:05:44 Adam I mean, it's like...

1:05:44 Drew Well, think what you could do with that, Adam.

1:05:45 Adam It's like putting something on the refrigerator, like a Post-It on the fridge. There's a natural adhesive quality to the vagina, isn't there? True?

1:05:54 Caller Yeah.

1:05:54 Caller Well, all vaginas are different.

1:05:56 Adam Yeah, but they all have an adhesive quality to them.

1:05:59 Caller Yes.

1:05:59 Caller Right.

1:06:00 Drew And just what would you do with that if it were yours?

1:06:02 Adam If I had a vagina?

1:06:03 Drew Yeah.

1:06:04 Adam I'd keep stuff in there. I'd look at it as a fifth pocket.

1:06:07 Caller It'd be like a pair of jeans.

1:06:08 Drew Stamps.

1:06:09 Caller Yeah.

1:06:10 Adam I'd keep stuff. You know, I'd keep stuff there like, you know, I'd keep five bucks in there in case, you know, emergency.

1:06:18 Caller Do you have a crack?

1:06:20 Drew Oh, yeah. But you can't find it.

1:06:21 Adam That's different. I can't walk. I can't walk. I think you could, Ann, you could roll up a $5 bill, keep it in there and have no trouble, right?

1:06:31 Caller Yeah. No. Yeah.

1:06:33 Adam I mean, you can keep a tampon in there. You can keep five bucks. You keep the five bucks. I keep a little keep a little address book, probably one of the small ones like you put in your wallet and some mints or something. Chapstick, chapstick. Yeah, you could handle the chapstick. You know, man. All right. We will move on to our next call. I just keep it. I keep it. You know, like what people keep in the trunk of their car, a flare, some jumper cables, a couple of bucks and a snake bite kit or something. Yeah, kind of emergency. Fresh pair of socks, something like that. Swim trunks, you know.

1:07:13 Drew Nice.

1:07:14 Adam Jason.

1:07:15 Caller Yeah.

1:07:16 Adam You're 24. What would you keep in your vagina?

1:07:21 Caller What would I keep in my vagina? Oh God. I haven't even thought about that one. Yeah. What would you keep in your vagina, Adam?

1:07:27 Drew We just finished talking about that. Jason, what's up tonight?

1:07:30 Caller I'm sorry. So how are you guys doing? Great. Good. Curious about some. 24 years old, living up here in Seattle. Listening to you guys every night. You guys are like funnier than hell. I like go to sleep like laughing every night with you guys.

1:07:46 Adam Thank you.

1:07:48 Caller This whole deal with Minka. Do you guys get that? Thing is, I was wondering about something. I'm actually going to be down in the LA area in about a week, week and a half. Or actually, no, one week from today. And I was wondering something. Could you guys like hook us up on a date? Just like an evening thing?

1:08:06 Adam Me and you?

1:08:07 Caller No, not me and you. Me and Minka.

1:08:10 Adam Me and Minka?

1:08:10 Caller Minka.

1:08:11 Adam You want to go out with Minka?

1:08:13 Caller Big boob Asian queen? Yeah. The thing is, not like nothing serious. Just like a one evening deal. But the thing is though, like the longest time, I've been listening to you guys for a couple years now. And now they're like, and I don't know. I'm just like one of those guys that like, I'm like really ambitious and I'll do like anything to do anything, you know what I'm saying? Not like anything or anything, but you know what I'm saying. And the thing is, I like, I'd give like my left test to go to like be on Loveline.

1:08:38 Caller I'm just like.

1:08:39 Caller Right.

1:08:39 Adam Well, you're on it now, but here's my thing, Jason. I only associate with people who would do anything to get anything, anything, you know what I mean? Not the anything to get anything, not anything.

1:08:52 Caller That's me.

1:08:53 Adam You gotta do anything.

1:08:55 Caller I would do anything to do anything.

1:08:56 Adam Well, you just said you'd do anything, but not anything.

1:08:59 Caller Well, I meant.

1:08:59 Adam I need a guy to do anything.

1:09:01 Caller You know what I'm saying.

1:09:02 Adam Yeah, but that's my whole thing. Really? I need anything, anything. Do you understand? I don't need anything, not anything.

1:09:08 Caller Okay, I changed my mind as of now. I'll do anything for anything. Oh, but wait a minute.

1:09:13 Adam Will you do anything for anything or anything for anything?

1:09:16 Caller Do anything for anything.

1:09:18 Adam Yeah, so you gotta go low on the first one. You go, I'll do anything for anything.

1:09:23 Caller Anything.

1:09:24 Adam And then you go, you know what I mean?

1:09:25 Caller Yeah, you know what I mean?

1:09:27 Adam Right, okay, let's try it one more time real quick. What kind of guy are you, Jason?

1:09:31 Caller I'm the kind of guy that would do anything for anything. You know what I mean?

1:09:36 Adam Yeah, it's pretty good, except for I think you hit the second anything a little too hard. Yeah, you work on that. All right, Jason. Yeah, let me send up the big Minka bat signal.

1:09:47 Caller Could you do that?

1:09:48 Adam It's a Korean flag with a silicone sack in the center of it. Could you do that? It's the yin and the yang.

1:09:53 Caller Yeah?

1:09:54 Adam Yeah. No, I don't know. Listen, I ran into Minka once at a nudie bar in Vegas.

1:10:00 Caller Really?

1:10:01 Adam Yeah. It's not like I got it.

1:10:02 Caller I remember you said the other day she'd ask you about being on the man show and all that.

1:10:07 Adam Yeah.

1:10:07 Caller That's the word of God. That is the funny. That's my new favorite show, That and Jackass. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you. The man show is just a little funnier than it.

1:10:14 Adam That's right. Thank you, Jason. All right. It sounds like a dynamite individual.

1:10:19 Caller Oh, boy.

1:10:21 Adam What do I have Minka in the trunk of my car? If I did, I'd be using her.

1:10:26 Drew He figured that since she appealed to you for a job on the man show that you guys communicate regularly, I guess.

1:10:31 Adam And can we? Oh, I got to find Minka's card, right? I have that. I got to make myself fun.

1:10:36 Drew Oh, she's going to be on this show?

1:10:37 Adam I got to make a note. We got to get her in here.

1:10:39 Drew Oh, boy.

1:10:39 Adam When you hear this woman, when you see this woman, you'll be glad she came. She'll realize. And she'll hurt you with her breath.

1:10:46 Drew Could you like have dueling Minka? You do Minka to Minka?

1:10:51 Adam Right. I could ask Minka what her title is. She could say, I'm number one Asian big boob queen. And then I could say, no, I'm the number one Asian big boob queen. Right.

1:11:02 Drew I'd like to tell the truth.

1:11:04 Adam Yeah.

1:11:04 Drew I could be like, what was the old announcer name?

1:11:06 Adam Wink Martindale?

1:11:07 Drew No, it wasn't Wink.

1:11:08 Adam I don't know.

1:11:08 Drew Yeah. We could do an actual program here.

1:11:11 Adam I'm going to get Minka in on this show. You guys will be impressed.

1:11:14 Drew All right.

1:11:15 Adam We'll take a little break. When we come back, who are we going to talk to, Drew? We'll talk to Jim. Jim is 22. When he's having sex with girlfriend, her vagina smells bad. It makes him sick. After this.

1:11:45 You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

1:12:01 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ready to get to the phones here, Drew?

1:12:12 Drew Yeah, I'm just looking at you. We're doodling. Is this you doing all this, these pictures?

1:12:15 Adam Yes. I got an entertainment magazine. I'm drawing a goatee and sideburns on everyone on the cover. So far, that's Ricky Martin, Lucy Liu.

1:12:25 Drew Crazy?

1:12:26 Adam Lucy Liu?

1:12:26 Drew Yeah.

1:12:27 Adam Yeah. All Asian women are nuts. And she's good looking. So she's a double nuts gene. Know what I'm saying? Why? You think Lucy Liu is nuts?

1:12:39 Drew Just to get that vibe. Yeah.

1:12:40 Adam Yeah. Drew Barrymore. She's got to be nuts. And Cameron Diaz.

1:12:45 Drew I don't get that from her. Cameron Diaz is probably a nice person.

1:12:47 Adam Yeah, but she's too much. Smiling all the time, laughing all the time. Something's there. I deem all happy people nuts. Jim?

1:13:00 Caller Yeah.

1:13:01 Adam You're 22.

1:13:02 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:13:03 Adam Yeah.

1:13:04 Caller All right. I've been going out with my girlfriend for about three or four months now. But every time we're having sex, just the smell from her vagina is just awful.

1:13:16 Drew Have you brought this up with her?

1:13:18 Caller Pardon?

1:13:18 Drew Have you brought this up?

1:13:20 Caller I don't know how to approach this without...

1:13:22 Drew Well, we have a sort of a pat answer for this one.

1:13:25 Adam Yeah, which I'll give in a second. But Drew, when you drink, does it kill your sense of smell or is it just because you're drunk and numb all the way around?

1:13:35 Drew Numb. It's general numbness.

1:13:36 Adam You notice when you're drunk, stuff doesn't bother you smell-wise that much? You don't notice that?

1:13:41 Drew No.

1:13:42 Adam Ever eaten, gotten drunk and try to enjoy a dessert and it's not quite there?

1:13:48 Drew Right.

1:13:49 Adam You don't taste it that much?

1:13:50 Caller Right.

1:13:52 Drew Your sense is a numb. Yeah.

1:13:53 Adam But it's if you ate that dessert with a stopped up nose.

1:13:58 Drew Yeah.

1:13:59 Adam That's sort of the flavor that it has. That's why you should always get drunk before you go down on a woman.

1:14:05 Drew That's...

1:14:06 Caller Okay.

1:14:07 Drew Mental note. Okay.

1:14:09 Adam Jim?

1:14:09 Caller Yeah.

1:14:10 Adam Here's our answer. You say that you were listening to this show... You with me?

1:14:16 Caller Yeah...

1:14:17 Adam .you heard somebody call in. They talked about their girlfriend. Of course, it wasn't you. They said there was a little smell coming from down there. And that Drew sounded concerned that there may be some infection. And that can mean there's an infection when there's a little odor down there. And he urged that the person go in and get checked up at the gynecologist to make sure there wasn't an infection. And because you love her so much, you happen to notice a little odor yourself, and were worried that she might have an infection.

1:14:49 Drew There you go. That's the answer.

1:14:51 Caller Okay?

1:14:52 Caller All right. Thanks.

1:14:53 Caller All right.

1:14:53 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you, I get more satisfaction talking to a dog than I do most of our listeners.

1:15:00 Caller Yes. Yeah.

1:15:01 Adam So, Jim, you there on the line?

1:15:04 Caller Yeah.

1:15:05 Adam So, Jim, you tell her that there's an infection and Dr. Drew and somebody calls in, okay? Not your girlfriend. You didn't call in, but that you heard somebody call in, right, Jim?

1:15:14 Caller Uh-huh.

1:15:15 Adam Okay. So, Jim, you got that? Thanks. You understand why I hate our callers, even though I've been right? I swear to Christ. When is the last time someone called this show and said, I guess I'm needy tonight, when's the last time someone called this show and went, hey, that's solid advice.

1:15:33 Drew Good job.

1:15:34 Adam That makes sense. I'll use it.

1:15:36 Drew Never.

1:15:37 Adam I think it's happened three times in the five years that I've been here, that someone has actually said, not thanks, but that's a good angle. And this is a good angle. If your bitch's twat smells, am I allowed to say that?

1:15:53 Drew Oh yeah.

1:15:54 Adam And you want a way to tell her about it, this is a great way to tell her. You heard Drew talking about it and you're worried. How about a little, hey, good angle. Thanks, boys. I'll try it. Noel?

1:16:09 Caller Actually, it's Noel.

1:16:10 Adam I mean, Noel?

1:16:11 Caller How dare you?

1:16:11 Adam How do you spell Noel?

1:16:12 Drew That's Noel.

1:16:13 Adam Oh, it is?

1:16:14 Caller It's the same spelling.

1:16:15 Adam Oh, it is.

1:16:15 Caller Actually, I made up my question.

1:16:17 Caller I have some Huel Hauser clips for you, Adam.

1:16:20 Caller Oh, you do? Yeah.

1:16:21 Adam Huel Hauser and in Drew, one day, I'm going to make a coffee table book out of stuff. It's going to be stuff Drew doesn't know.

1:16:29 Drew But should.

1:16:30 Adam No, just stuff Drew doesn't know and people are going to open it and they're going to see a picture of Steve Largent, who is in the NFL Hall of Fame and a Senator from Oklahoma and who led the National League in receptions for 10 years.

1:16:45 Drew And Shining.

1:16:46 Adam And who up until just a year or two ago led, all amongst all football players had the reception record. Drew never heard of this person. Here's a movie, The Shining. Drew's never seen this movie. Huel Hauser, someone who's been on television here locally for 30 years. And Drew grew up here. Never heard of, never seen. Thank you. Noah, I mean, Noel, what do you have?

1:17:13 Caller Yeah, I got a lot of them.

1:17:14 Caller Some of them are funny. Some of them aren't so funny.

1:17:16 Adam Well, just give us the ones that aren't funny.

1:17:19 Caller Oh, okay. That's a good idea. But it's kind of long, so just hang up on me whenever you get bored.

1:17:25 Caller All right.

1:17:25 Adam I'm going to do that now.

1:17:26 Caller Okay.

1:17:27 Adam Go ahead. This is my favorite television personality. I don't know if you could use personality.

1:17:33 Caller How many varieties do we have left?

1:17:34 Caller Where are all these? Oh, look at this. This is absolutely spectacular.

1:17:44 Adam You know what he's looking at right now? Is it a piece of kielbasa or a tortilla?

1:17:50 Caller Is this normal? So when we were, this is a weed right here.

1:17:54 Drew Looking at weeds.

1:17:55 Caller Let's take that out.

1:17:56 Caller Yeah.

1:17:59 Caller How did a weed get in this garden? Know what you're doing is, is not, that's not right. She's breaking the law.

1:18:12 Caller Goodbye.

1:18:13 Adam You don't know this man.

1:18:15 Caller No.

1:18:16 Adam You've never seen Huelhauser?

1:18:18 Caller No.

1:18:19 Caller Oh boy. Oh boy.

1:18:23 Caller All right.

1:18:23 Adam We ready to hang up?

1:18:24 Caller Yeah.

1:18:25 Drew Amazing.

1:18:26 Caller Hello. What does that mean?

1:18:29 Caller Oh wow.

1:18:30 Adam You've never seen Huelhauser?

1:18:31 Caller No.

1:18:32 Adam 30 years he's been on television, on KCET out here.

1:18:37 Caller All kinds of interesting stories. It's a great way to spend an afternoon. And she would come up here and have tea?

1:18:46 Caller Afternoon tea.

1:18:48 Caller Wow. Spectacular.

1:18:51 Adam He's like, you ever, I'm trying to put him on hold. You ever, I think Anderson put him back on. You ever see like teachers who work with special kids and the kid's like six and he's retarded and he takes a piece of cotton and he sticks it on to a piece of construction paper and he says it's the Easter bunny. You know the reaction that the teacher has to that?

1:19:16 Caller Oh my God.

1:19:18 Adam Look at that.

1:19:18 Drew That's amazing.

1:19:20 Adam That's what Huell has with everything. I swear to Christ, this guy goes to a tortilla factory and his jaw is hanging on the ground. He's dumbfounded. He is in awe. All right. I got to do a little Huell. It's always the same. It's the same three questions. How long has your family been making tortillas in the San Fernando Valley? Four hundred thousand years, Huell. Wow. You don't say. Yes. My grandfather made the tortillas before, and then his grandfather, and his grandfather before him. Originally, they made them in Mexico, but they brought them over here, and we've been here at the same. You've been at the same location on the corner of Laurel Canyon and San Fernando Boulevard for 400 years. Yes, we have, Huell. I bet a lot has changed in the last 400 years. Well, yes, since the invention of the automobile, the automatic weapon, gasoline, and electricity. Sure, things have changed, Huell. And then he gets the old way of making it. Now, Huell, we used to make these tortillas by, we had women who would individually make the tortillas by hand, by rolling them on their inner thigh. Rolling them on their inner thigh. He always repeats the last sentence the person says. Now we have a mechanized way. Well, show me that. Well, here it is, Huell. You can see it's an assembly line. The flour and water and cornstarch goes in this side. And then the flour and tortilla, water and cornstarch goes in this side. That's right, Huell. And as you can look to your right, you'll see the other side of the conveyor belt. You'll see the finished product. And it comes out a tortilla. Yes, it does, Huell. That's why they call it the tortilla machine. It goes in as water and cornstarch on one side. It comes out a tortilla on the other side. And how do you ship these tortillas? We use a truck, Huell. A truck, my goodness. And Huell, in the old days, we used a wagon that was pulled by a horse. A wagon that was pulled by a horse. Yes, that's right, Huell. My grandfather drove the wagon. Your grandfather drove the wagon. Now, what do we, what do we, Huell, if I could direct you to the, to the Baklava part.

1:21:52 Caller Oh, Baklava.

1:21:54 Drew What's more, I find more bizarre than him, is the way the people he's interviewing sort of play along with it.

1:21:58 Adam Well, they've never been more excited in their life because, why? Because a guy with a camera and a microphone is coming to the world's most boring place of employment and talking to them. Is if they're building a Formula One car for the Grand Prix circuit. You understand?

1:22:18 Drew Yeah.

1:22:19 Adam So you got some piece of ass made out of cinder block that's stuffed in a horrible section of the San Fernando Valley. How often do people want to do stories on tortilla making?

1:22:30 Drew Right, right, right.

1:22:31 Adam So this guy's in there. They couldn't be more excited. You'll have to put the hair, a hair net. You have to put that on. He always puts the hard hat on too. I'm thinking, how many people have skull injuries in a tortilla factory? I'll put the hard hat on.

1:22:44 Drew I'll invite him in to see how the man shows produced.

1:22:47 Adam He would kick my ass. He also was an ex-marine. He's like 6'4 and he's got arms the size of the guns of a battle ship.

1:22:56 Drew Seriously?

1:22:57 Adam Yeah. He's a big guy. He wears these big boots. He walks around, he'd kill me. Put that microphone right up my ass. He'd kill me if he came in here. Wow.

1:23:08 Caller All right.

1:23:09 Adam Searching for California gold. I can't believe... Never.

1:23:14 Drew Never.

1:23:14 Adam Okay.

1:23:14 Drew Never.

1:23:15 Adam All right. All right. Jose?

1:23:17 Caller Yeah.

1:23:18 Adam You're 14?

1:23:19 Caller Yeah.

1:23:20 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:23:22 Caller California. Mm-hmm.

1:23:23 Adam You ever seen Huel Hauser?

1:23:26 Caller Yeah.

1:23:26 Adam Have you?

1:23:27 Caller Yeah.

1:23:28 Adam You're not lying to me?

1:23:29 Caller No.

1:23:29 Adam Okay.

1:23:30 Drew What's up, Jose?

1:23:31 Adam A 14-year-old knows more than you do.

1:23:32 Drew Yes, indeed.

1:23:33 Adam Go ahead, Jose.

1:23:36 Caller The, like, two weeks ago, I found some sex toys under my mom's bed, like a penis pump and like a dildo and some lingerie.

1:23:47 Drew That's nice.

1:23:48 Caller And I was wondering how or if I should confront her.

1:23:51 Adam Yes. Wait, wait. I'll tell you what I'd like you to do, Jose.

1:23:56 Caller What's that?

1:23:56 Adam Wait until Thanksgiving dinner.

1:23:58 Caller Oh, hell no.

1:23:59 Adam Then make your move. Put it in a pillowcase, smuggle it under the table, wait till grandma and the whole family is around and then present it.

1:24:08 Caller No, but I won't be with my mom for Thanksgiving.

1:24:10 Adam You won't what?

1:24:11 Caller I won't be with my mother for Thanksgiving.

1:24:13 Adam Why? Where are you going to be?

1:24:15 Caller My dad's house.

1:24:16 Adam I see. All right. Bring it to his house.

1:24:19 Drew I don't buy it either.

1:24:21 Adam I don't buy it either. Jose, why don't we believe you? I don't know.

1:24:25 Drew We don't believe A, because he breaks the cracks up too easily, and B, nobody shoves lingerie with a dildo.

1:24:32 Caller No.

1:24:33 Drew Three things that don't belong together, a penis pump, a dildo, and a lingerie. They don't go together.

1:24:37 Adam You think she's using the penis pump on the dildo? Is she that stupid?

1:24:41 Caller No, she had a boyfriend.

1:24:42 Drew Yeah. These things don't go together.

1:24:44 Caller She had a boyfriend.

1:24:45 Drew These would be entirely different parts of the house.

1:24:47 Adam Yeah.

1:24:48 Caller They were all in one bag. She had this boyfriend. I've seen, like, all over her room.

1:24:54 Adam What color was the bag?

1:24:56 Caller It was striped, black and white.

1:24:59 Adam What kind of bag?

1:25:01 Caller I don't know, like a pouch thing, like a backpack thing, but like from Mexico.

1:25:07 Adam Why were you looking under her bed?

1:25:09 Caller I was looking for my shoes.

1:25:11 Adam Oh, really?

1:25:12 Caller Really.

1:25:13 Adam Why do you think your shoes were under her bed?

1:25:14 Caller Because I slept there last night or that one night to, what's it called, watch TV.

1:25:19 Adam You slept in her bed?

1:25:20 Caller Yeah, to watch TV. Watching TV and she went out and I fell asleep on her bed.

1:25:26 Adam Now I believe him. It's very specific. He's looking under the bed for a shoe.

1:25:30 Drew He's convinced me.

1:25:31 Adam Didn't I give you that speech earlier in the night about looking around in mom's room? Listen, Jose, you should not confront her on this. This is none of your business. She's an adult. Many women have these things floating around. This is her private life. I know it's a little weird to think about it, but you get a little older, you understand.

1:25:57 Caller First of all, that freaked me out pretty much.

1:25:59 Adam I know, but you didn't sniff it, did you?

1:26:04 Drew I understand it. Just let it go. Let it go. As Adam said, she's an adult, that's her own private life, and that's that. Larnia for sniffing, sniffing around her room a little bit.

1:26:15 Adam Here's my point. What's in it for you? To confront her with a buildup.

1:26:20 Drew The whole idea of confronting somebody because you found their private stuff.

1:26:25 Adam Under their bed.

1:26:27 Drew Why is the word confront even in that question?

1:26:29 Adam I have no idea. I think he just wanted to talk. All right.

1:26:33 Drew We didn't believe him.

1:26:34 Adam Mike?

1:26:35 Caller Under their bed.

1:26:36 Adam Oh boy.

1:26:36 Caller Yes?

1:26:37 Adam Mike, you got to turn your radio down.

1:26:39 Caller Hello?

1:26:40 Adam Turn your radio down. Okay.

1:26:42 Caller All right.

1:26:44 Adam All right. Jesus Christ. Hello? Mike says you're six foot ten inches tall and you have a three and a half inch penis.

1:26:53 Caller Yes.

1:26:56 Adam Do you hit your head in doorways? No. No. Why not?

1:27:04 Caller What do you mean?

1:27:05 Drew He's not six ten. That's why.

1:27:06 Adam Yeah. Do you hit your head when you walk under a doorway?

1:27:10 Caller No, I don't.

1:27:11 Caller I duck.

1:27:12 Adam You duck?

1:27:13 Caller Yes.

1:27:14 Adam How high is your head above a doorway?

1:27:17 Caller Yes.

1:27:17 Adam How high is your head above a door?

1:27:20 Caller About four inches.

1:27:22 Adam All right. It's within the acceptable margin of air.

1:27:26 Drew In the Geneva Convention.

1:27:27 Adam Doorways are 6'8. All right. We're going to take a little break. I'm not sure if I believe this mic. I don't want to make too much fun of him in case...

1:27:35 Drew In case it's real.

1:27:36 Adam Yeah, actually, a 6'10. Come on, sit on me. All right, we'll take a break. We'll get back with Big Mike and a small penis after this. Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew. And how long you been sitting on these chocolates here, baby? I mean, I've been, you know, you could have popped these 1010 tonight, know what I mean?

1:28:38 Caller I'm sorry, I just turned around, I was looking for a tape and I thought, oh wow, look at this, it's a box of chocolates.

1:28:43 Adam Yeah, chocolate. You know what I like about you, Drew? No, thank you. I like Drew, because you eat junky stuff. Oh yeah. It's always funny when a doctor eats junky stuff. All right, Drew, you want to talk to the next song and eat one of these chocolates?

1:28:53 Caller All right.

1:28:54 Drew It's Mike, it's Mike.

1:28:55 Adam Oh, Mike, yeah. Yeah, Big Mike.

1:28:56 Caller Go ahead.

1:28:57 Drew All right, Mike.

1:28:58 Adam Mike's quite a conversationalist, too. I remember talking to him.

1:29:02 Drew All right, so what's the question exactly?

1:29:03 Caller Well, I'm on my college basketball team, and I'm six foot ten. I'm just, it's really embarrassing, you know? Just, there's always been all the ladies, you know, that's never been a problem getting ladies, just because I play basketball, but you know.

1:29:18 Adam What position do you play?

1:29:20 Caller I'm a center.

1:29:21 Adam What's the name of the team?

1:29:22 Caller I prefer not to say.

1:29:24 Adam What color is your uniform?

1:29:27 Caller It's um.

1:29:27 Drew No, I believe him. Come on.

1:29:29 Adam No, I don't believe him. He's lying.

1:29:32 Caller UCLA. There you go.

1:29:34 Adam You do not go to UCLA. He's lying.

1:29:37 Caller Yes I do.

1:29:38 Adam No, you don't.

1:29:39 Caller Yes I do.

1:29:39 Adam What's the name of your head coach?

1:29:43 Caller Anyways though, my question.

1:29:44 Adam What's the name of your head coach?

1:29:47 Caller What's the name?

1:29:48 Caller Speak up please, I'm on a cell phone.

1:29:50 Adam What's the name of your head coach?

1:29:58 Caller I don't play at UCLA. I prefer not to say what college I go to.

1:30:03 Adam Packed in?

1:30:05 Caller What?

1:30:06 Adam Junior College, packed in? All right. All right. What city are you calling from? I'll do the math. Costa Mesa. Costa Mesa Junior College. All right. They have the running hessiers. All right. So, Mike, small penis, tall, right?

1:30:26 Caller Yes.

1:30:27 Adam All right. So what can we do?

1:30:29 Caller I don't know. That's what I'm wondering. Is there anything I can do to help increase it, like? No. I mean, I got my balls are like normal size, but like.

1:30:37 Adam That's worse, though, because it makes your penis look small in comparison, you know? It's all relative. It really is. It really is. Small sack make your penis look bigger. You see that that penis dangling three, four inches past the sack? That's nice.

1:30:52 Caller Yeah.

1:30:54 Adam Mine. I don't get that.

1:30:56 Drew What are you going to do?

1:30:58 Adam All right. Listen, I feel bad for the guy. He shouldn't have picked UCLA. Why doesn't a guy who plays collegiately know the coach of UCLA is? As a guy who's 6'10 and playing at a junior college, the whole idea of playing at a junior college is a transfer to a four year school. And if you're playing in Costa Mesa, you sure as hell should know the name of the coach at one of the closest big basketball schools to your junior college, shouldn't you?

1:31:27 Caller Yeah.

1:31:28 Adam I don't know if I totally believe him. Here's my point. You're lucky I don't care. That's number one. But number two, there's nothing you can do to increase your penis. Find a woman who loves you and perform a lot of oral sex on her. She won't care. And listen, she'll probably be pleasantly surprised to see that small penis when you drop your pants, your behemoth. She'll be glad. You know what I mean? Who was it that gave you the sign of relief if you saw a small penis on a guy with 6'10?

1:32:01 Caller Well, a small penis?

1:32:03 Adam Well, not a small penis, but you think he was going to open you like a can of corn.

1:32:07 Drew Right.

1:32:07 Adam Right? And you saw that small penis. It'd be like, huh?

1:32:12 Drew Who was we talking to about some, we talked about a basketball player to someone on the TV show. Remember?

1:32:16 Adam Yeah.

1:32:17 Drew What was the deal?

1:32:19 Adam Why? Why do I have to say everything? Why is that, Drew? You know damn well.

1:32:25 Drew I can't remember who it was.

1:32:26 Adam Oh, please.

1:32:27 Drew And who was talking about it?

1:32:29 Adam You don't know who was talking about it?

1:32:30 Caller Yeah.

1:32:30 Adam You know who she was talking about?

1:32:32 Drew Yeah. I remember that.

1:32:34 Adam Who was that?

1:32:36 Caller Who?

1:32:37 Drew I believe it was Shaq.

1:32:38 Adam You believe it was Shaq. Let me tell you something about Drew. He likes the potty talk. He really does. He just wants me to talk about it. He wants me to get in trouble. He wants me to do all the revealing. I'm the one who makes the answer myself, gets everyone pissed off at me, spurs up my career and gets everyone angry. And you escape scot-free yet you get to sit here and watch it all and participate. How dare you? Jeremy?

1:33:09 Caller Yeah.

1:33:10 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:33:11 Caller Yeah. I'd just like to say first of all that I'm a long-time listener and a first-time caller.

1:33:16 Adam Thank you.

1:33:17 Caller Adam Corolla, you are my hero. I've been listening to you forever and I just think that you're absolutely hilarious.

1:33:23 Caller Thank you.

1:33:24 Caller My question starts off my freshman year in high school. I had a really long relationship with a girl and we ended up having sex. And right after that, the relationship just went straight out of the window, you know?

1:33:38 Caller Right.

1:33:38 Caller And ever since then, I'm not able to get intimate with a girl. Like, I like them, but then once I get intimate, it's just like I get scared and I run away.

1:33:47 Drew And like... So this was such a painful experience to you, you don't want to go through that again.

1:33:51 Caller Yeah, because this girl was not accepted by my friends.

1:33:55 Drew Why?

1:33:55 Caller I feel like I got a lot of crap for what I did with her for a long time after that.

1:34:00 Drew Why?

1:34:01 Caller I don't know. They just didn't really like her very much because she was like the only girl on the wrestling team and, you know, like wasn't socially accepted.

1:34:10 Adam The only girl on the wrestling team?

1:34:11 Caller Yeah.

1:34:12 Adam What'd she look like?

1:34:14 Caller She's actually very pretty, but she was just, she was kind of like a, like, I'm the best girl in the world. Like I'm a queen. Everybody needs to bow down to me kind of an attitude.

1:34:23 Drew But wait a minute, you liked her a lot.

1:34:25 Caller I did like her.

1:34:26 Drew The relationship went south.

1:34:27 Adam I know those, I know those, those, those debutante types, those queen, those homecoming wrestling team chicks. They're all the same.

1:34:35 Drew Rose princess.

1:34:36 Adam Fighting a nickel for every one of those wrestling prima donnas I saw.

1:34:41 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:34:42 Adam Yeah. You know, scared she's going to break a nail when she gets a guy in a figure four.

1:34:48 Caller No, she's actually pretty violent.

1:34:50 Adam I see.

1:34:50 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:34:51 Adam Listen, Jeremy.

1:34:52 Caller Yeah.

1:34:53 Adam Everyone goes through this.

1:34:54 Drew And you'll get over it.

1:34:55 Adam Yes.

1:34:56 Caller It hasn't gone away. Like, I'm, I'm a senior now and I've like, I've had many relationships and they go on for like a week or two. But then once like they start wanting to like do more stuff, like sexually, I'm just like, okay, I had this relationship needs to end.

1:35:12 Drew How long ago did this happen with the girl you liked?

1:35:14 Caller About four years ago.

1:35:16 Drew Oh, all right. You may have been, you were 14.

1:35:18 Caller No, I was, yeah, I was 15.

1:35:21 Drew Really the problem is you were too young to handle all this.

1:35:23 Caller Yeah.

1:35:23 Drew That's really the issue. And you just look, start assessing this more realistically. The fact that you were involved over your head at a young age and was sort of traumatized by that. But get tiptoe back into a real relationship. It'll be fine. You're older now. You're competent. You can handle these things.

1:35:36 Adam All right, buddy.

1:35:37 Drew All right.

1:35:37 Caller All right. Thank you very much.

1:35:38 Adam No, I'm sorry. We're not so involved, but we're really in our charcoals.

1:35:42 Caller Oh, I totally understand. All right. All right.

1:35:44 Adam Here's the thing. Seriously. We talk to callers every night, but it's not every night that we get chocolates.

1:35:50 Caller Oh, chocolate is the best.

1:35:51 Adam Okay, buddy. You take care. Don't kill yourself, right?

1:35:54 Caller I won't.

1:35:54 Adam Okay.

1:35:54 Caller Bye. All right.

1:36:27 Caller Well, there you have it.

1:36:28 Adam Ann, how dare you bring in all that chocolate? Now, I don't want chocolate anymore.

1:36:32 Drew I don't want to vomit.

1:36:32 Adam Drew and I just ate 26 pieces of chocolate in the last...

1:36:35 Drew She's candy.

1:36:36 Adam How's it been?

1:36:37 Drew Four minutes.

1:36:38 Adam It's been almost five.

1:36:39 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:36:39 Adam Let's be fair.

1:36:40 Caller And three cups of coffee.

1:36:42 Adam That's great. And Drew, you'll be asleep by 1231?

1:36:45 Drew 32. I will be. Oh, yes.

1:36:48 Adam Really?

1:36:49 Drew Oh, yes.

1:36:49 Adam What is wrong with you, man?

1:36:51 Drew I'm chronically sleep deprived, man.

1:36:53 Adam I know, man. But it's like when you...

1:36:56 Drew I don't even know you, man. Yeah.

1:36:57 Adam I mean, it's like when you go home and you sleep that way, it's like, man, I don't even know you. You know? Oh, man. No. But listen, I know we're out of time. But real quick.

1:37:09 Drew I'm missing my stride.

1:37:10 Adam I gotta go. That time at 1230 when you get home, that is your time, brother. I ain't got no time for me. Your wife, that jukebox, that solar powered jukebox you married, the noise never stops coming out of her, silence. Those kids that run around, take me to Disneyland. Buy me, get me, take me, buy me, get me, take me, buy me, get me, take me. Asleep. You're like a great dad. The maids are all asleep. The servants are all asleep. All the au pairs and nannies are asleep.

1:37:38 Caller Security guards still up.

1:37:40 Adam Security is still up. On the west wing of the compound are still up because that's the vulnerable side. The point is, is that is your time. Now it's time to watch a little television. Just chill. Just for a half hour.

1:37:51 Drew I would love that time.

1:37:52 Adam Half hour.

1:37:52 Drew I did it this morning.

1:37:53 Adam The second half hour, just chill out. See what's on the news. Find out who Hewell Hauser is. Find out who Steve Largen is.

1:38:00 Drew We're going to lose the satellite.

1:38:01 Adam Watch a quarter of The Shining. All right, we're gone. So until next time, I'm Carl, with Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:38:07 Drew We love you too, man.

1:38:09 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, November 20, 2000