Episode 1000724338144

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:14 Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:21 I'm Adam.

1:22 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Yeah, baby.

1:33 Drew Yeah.

1:34 Adam Get It On.

1:35 Drew Yeah, baby.

1:36 Adam Got to get it on. Must get it on.

1:38 Drew What's the matter? Something's wrong. Something's bugging you. Just too tired of working?

1:42 Adam No, I'm just, you know, I'm just done. I'm done before it's begun.

1:46 Drew Are you done with people or done with work?

1:49 Adam I'm done with the same conversation. I'm done with nobody knowing how to do anything. I'm done with. I'm done. You know what?

1:55 Drew I'm done warming my heart.

1:56 Adam I'm done with men boldly announcing they can't do stuff and then wearing it like a like a badge.

2:03 Drew Told me we did a half hour.

2:06 Adam I'm only going to 40 minutes tonight, but told my gay assistant, Matt, look, I need you to go. I got to get the car into the shop. The battery's dead. I need you to go jump the car. What? You know, I got to jump the car, get the thing started. I didn't get, I don't, no, no. No, it doesn't drive a stick, doesn't jump a car. You know, it just realized these things we take for granted.

2:28 Drew Now, you must have-

2:29 Adam Jump starting a car, or even bump starting a car. A man should know how to jump and bump and hump start a car.

2:37 Drew And have done it many times.

2:39 Adam There's a deal about guys. They should not issue you a goddamn driver's license until you can drive a stick, jump start a car, and bump start a car.

2:48 Drew Now, I draw the line to change a tire.

2:50 Adam Well, Drew.

2:50 Drew How dare you? How could I say good day?

2:53 Adam I could say good day to those lug nuts. Could not be asked to change his own tire. I would like to think.

2:59 Drew I couldn't get dirty. I was dressed for work.

3:01 Adam I would like to think in my heart of hearts, Drew, that if push came to shove, you could change the tire. Because Drew.

3:08 Drew If you were yelling at me, it wouldn't take long before it came.

3:10 Adam You could jack the car up. You would know to break the lugs lose before you jack the car up to the wheel.

3:18 Drew Here's what I do. I do it and then lower and then do it and then bring it back up again. All right.

3:21 Adam But the point is Drew has done it before. I'm just saying we're men and women boldly announce they don't do stuff.

3:33 Drew Millionaires like you, you just have to get little air compressor guns.

3:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Impact driver. Yeah. Yeah. I've realized that women boldly announce they don't cook, they don't sew, they don't do things of that nature generation. Yeah. And men boldly announce they don't jump cars, they don't drive sticks, they don't change tires, they don't fight, they barely F anymore.

3:58 Oh, that's it.

3:59 Drew It's interesting.

4:00 Adam I'm telling you. You know, they're correlation there. Well, you know what I think? Here's what I think is happening, Drew. I think we are, I'm drawing a basic, a big X at this point with men.

4:13 Drew Basically supply and demand.

4:14 Adam On the left and women on this side. This year, this year, now, now we're down here, Drew. We're down at the bottom.

4:23 Drew We meaning in history.

4:24 Adam This is two.

4:25 Drew Not you and I.

4:26 Adam This is odd five here. This is like 231. At 231, we cross. Men become women, women become men. We just become the same.

4:37 Drew Listen, one of the shows I did for Discover Health Channel, I brought a guy out here as a biological anthropologist who wrote a book called The Decline of Males.

4:43 Adam Yeah, we're just-

4:44 Drew And he just said, the male is just becoming useless. And, you know, what's even more interesting is the genetic material that makes us male, the Y chromosome, decaying, shrinking.

4:53 Adam Police, not left.

4:54 Drew It's like fading, yeah.

4:55 Adam I don't know a guy who has any left.

4:57 Drew We're going to be like Job of the Hut, we're just going to be these sperm producing units.

5:01 Adam Like earthworms. We're just going to be effing ourselves. And here's the thing, by 2031, Drew, I did some math, that's when we crossed because women- see, down here at the bottom, in the 50s, we couldn't be further apart. Right. Men worked, women stayed at home, men went and saw battle and fought in combat and chain-smoked, women sat around and took care of kids, men drank and they fought and they had mistresses.

5:28 Caller Uh-oh.

5:29 Adam Let me tell you something, ladies, when you're trying to domesticate your man, may end up smacking you in the ass one day.

5:36 Drew Just sit at home and be-

5:37 Adam Well, now you're just going to be a wet nurse. Well, here's the thing. Yeah, here's the thing, man used to F in fight, in booze, and they used to, they used to a carouse.

5:50 Drew Yes.

5:50 Adam They would just be, they're like alley cats out doing their thing. Old lady be waiting for them, they come home. This long as they kept the electricity on and pay the gas bill and pay the mortgage, no questions asked. Then women started getting demanding. I want you to work and then you come home when you're done with their work. I don't want any booze on your breath, and I don't want you to go in any strip clubs, you're not hanging out in any ball game. You come home and put that cigar out and start helping with the rearing of these children. Why should I sew? Why don't you learn how to sew? Why should I cook for you? I'm not your maid. I'm not your slave. You cook. Well, before you know it, we started producing milk.

6:24 Drew Our breasts.

6:25 Adam We're now lactating. I actually was spotting it. I actually spot it. I went through two pads. I went through two pads. And not many.

6:33 Caller Oh, Maxi.

6:34 Adam Do they have an in-between? You know, I'm here about the medium pad. It's got the mini and the Maxi. Be nicer if there's something in-between.

6:41 Drew That's just the code text.

6:42 Adam Oh, it's just regular.

6:42 Drew Yeah.

6:43 Adam OK. Here's my point. You're now turning us into you. We can no longer jump cars, bump cars or drive sticks. Well, you now got another one of you. You're all turning into dykes. And here's the thing. By 2031, that's my that's my target date. First off, I have a composite.

6:58 Drew We're moving into the Amazon period of American history.

7:00 Adam Not Amazon. We're going down to meet them. They're not going to be Amazon women.

7:05 Caller We're going to become women.

7:07 Drew So we're not going to bring the women up. We're going to take the men down.

7:08 Adam Well, basically, here's what I want you to picture. I've fed a lot of this data in the computer, and it's spat out a picture of Roger Ebert.

7:16 Drew Oh, that's all of us.

7:17 Adam Yeah, we all just sort of, we're sensitive. We review movies. We look like old lesbians.

7:23 Drew We're soft around.

7:24 Adam We're sort of soft, we're soft dick. We're sort of hippie. Yeah, that's it. Not breast tissue. And here's the thing.

7:30 Drew And lactation.

7:31 Adam And lactating. And we're gonna be sitting home in 2031 and there's gonna be some noise going, some rustling outside. Uh-oh, window broke in the kitchen. And your wife and you are gonna be sitting in bed and it's gonna be, who's gonna go down to the kitchen and investigate? I don't know. Not me. I'm not going. Why should I go? We're 50-50. I'm half of you now, baby. I got an ovary and a labia minor and maybe a major and a maxi pad and mini pad and a regular codex. So I'm not going down to investigate what that noise was in the kitchen.

8:04 Drew You're sitting in line.

8:05 Adam Oh, there's a spider on the ceiling. I'm supposed to get the clean action.

8:08 Drew You're scared of spiders.

8:09 Adam I'm scared of spiders. Oh, it's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. Awesome. And I'm gonna be saying, honey, where are you taking me on vacation this year?

8:19 Caller Oh.

8:21 Adam She's gonna be like, what? I go, we never go on vacation.

8:23 Drew How come the neighbors went to Wisconsin?

8:25 Adam Yeah, that's right. Neighbors went to Wisconsin. That'd be the best day of your life. Your neighbors went to Wisconsin, told your wife about it. Yeah. Yeah. Wacky, wacky. Here's the point. We are becoming them. They are becoming us. We will cross.

8:40 Drew It seems like we're becoming more them than they are us.

8:42 Adam In about 27 years, we'll do that. But then we're gonna be, we're gonna be sitting around and we're gonna be saying to them, hey, I got a tear in my trousers. How about you mend it? They're gonna be like, with what? I don't know. What are you talking about? And I'm hungry. What's for dinner? And they're gonna be like, I don't cook.

9:04 Drew That doesn't do anything. That's not already what...

9:05 Adam No, yeah, that's already what happened. They're there.

9:08 Drew No, what's gonna be happening is it's gonna be, hey, you gotta jumpstart the car. And you're gonna be like, what?

9:13 Adam What's the car? I don't do that.

9:17 Drew That thing lifts up? There's something underneath there?

9:20 Adam We are gonna both be breastfeeding simultaneously. Take a draw off my boob. Take a draw off the old lady's boob. Now back to my boob. Just back and forth like some kind of retarded porn. I'm telling you, we're crossing paths. And nobody will speak out against it. No one has anything to say about it. Just, that's fine. No, no. Guy doesn't know how to drive a stick. He's 25 years old. No one's gonna say anything. Don't know how to bumpstart a car, jumpstart a car. No, can't do nothing. You know, and here's the thing, guys are too easy on other guys.

9:51 Drew I know.

9:52 Adam Guys say to guys, oh, oh, you got the Volvo, huh? What'd you get? Did you get the, you get this straight five turbo charge? You get the V6? Oh, I don't know. And the other guy says, oh, huh, and walks away instead of yelling at him. What do you mean you don't know, Nimrod? How do you not know?

10:09 Drew Yeah.

10:10 Adam Don't you know? See what I'm saying?

10:12 Drew Well, I've seen how you and your buddies treat each other.

10:15 Adam Well, guys aren't abusing each other nearly enough. Or if it is, it's turning into a social shunning, a catty, feminine, emotional abuse instead of the good physical beating that guys used to put on each other. I'm just saying, we're quickly turning into women in this society. And you women who have been on the sidelines just cheering this all time, good times, enjoy. Way do we start splitting up things down the middle. Oh, it's gonna be awesome. Allie?

10:48 Yes.

10:49 Adam You're 20?

10:50 Caller Yep.

10:51 Drew What's happening?

10:52 Adam What's up?

10:53 Caller I am on antidepressants. And recently I've been supercharged sex drive, which is kinda weird because they told me that basically when I go on the antidepressants, I would probably have a reduced sex drive.

11:09 Drew Which antidepressant is it?

11:10 Caller It's Wellbutrin.

11:12 Drew Yeah, Wellbutrin is not the one that'll shut you down and can occasionally charge people up. In fact, I would be concerned, you should talk to your doctor about this, that it may be making you a little manic.

11:23 Oh, okay.

11:24 Drew Really? Yeah, Wellbutrin, Remeron, Serizone do not shut down the sex drive and Wellbutrin can actually charge it up a little bit. In any antidepressant, if you're not properly diagnosed can induce a mania and Wellbutrin has a, it's a stimulant. It's particularly, it has a tendency in that direction.

11:40 Adam So you're saying the Y chromosome is starting to deteriorate?

11:43 Drew Yes.

11:44 Adam Oh, no kidding.

11:45 Drew So what makes us male is small. Yeah. Well, but it's, it's less.

11:50 Adam Yeah.

11:50 Drew So we're more similar as males.

11:52 Adam No, I know.

11:53 Drew Look, it's going away.

11:54 Adam Yeah. So I blame rotisserie football, baseball, a bunch of guys sitting around looking at magazines with stats and it all. I know what else I blame. I blame comic books.

12:06 Drew Maybe something about the ink.

12:08 Adam It's poison everyone's brain.

12:09 Drew Maybe it's a plot.

12:11 Adam Forty-year-old guys excited to X-Men are coming out. The new Spider-Man is so much better than the old that Silver Surfer. They're going to ruin. What? What do you guys know about this?

12:22 Drew Well, there was a time when men weren't supposed to be children. Not just not women, but also not children.

12:29 Adam Oh, that's a good point.

12:30 Drew Yeah.

12:31 Adam Yes, guys are not only turning into chicks, they're turning into adolescent chicks.

12:35 Drew Oh, young adolescent.

12:37 Adam Young adolescent chicks. Guys pumped up for the new Star Wars coming out. Pumped up, waiting in line and shouting it from the mountaintop.

12:50 Drew Proud of it.

12:51 Adam Proud. Here's the thing. I can't drive a stick, can't jumpstart a car. Got to go get in line for the new Star Wars. Where's my bullhorn? I got to let the world know. To me, I would rather just scream like I'm a pedophile than those things. Yeah. There's more masculine dignity involved with it. All right, do we answer her question?

13:17 Drew Yeah, she's good.

13:18 Caller Liz?

13:19 Yep.

13:20 Adam You're 21?

13:21 Caller Yes, I am.

13:22 Adam What's off?

13:23 Caller What's off?

13:24 Adam What's up? Says you used to get off.

13:27 Caller Yeah, I used to. Well, I mean, I still do, but just not from my boyfriend. The problem with me is I can get off really well with a vibrator. But when it comes to my boyfriend, I'm just not doing it for me now anymore.

13:46 Drew And you're concerned what? That it's the vibrator taking you away?

13:49 Caller Yeah, that's what I think it is now because I only started using one probably like two months ago. And it was right after I had broken up with my other boyfriend. Then as a joke, my ex-boyfriend bought me a vibrator as a joke.

14:04 Caller Like, oh, you can't have me, but here's a vibrator, pretty much.

14:10 Caller Bring, bring.

14:12 Caller Hi, how are you doing?

14:14 Caller Hi.

14:14 Adam What's your name?

14:16 Caller I'm Sugar.

14:17 Adam I'm Ace.

14:18 Caller Hey, Ace. Yeah.

14:19 Adam What are you wearing?

14:21 Caller Well, I'm wearing a nice black garter. Just thinking about the Holocaust right now.

14:29 Drew That's Tom Arnold losing his ass over that call.

14:33 Adam Yeah, I forgot about that phone call. For those of you, might as well explain that phone call. I'll put Liz on hold for a second.

14:41 Drew Liz reminded her of that, reminded all of us of that call.

14:45 Adam We had a chick call up, oh man, five years ago. She was a phone sex operator. Her problem was, guys were getting off too fast, and she was losing money. So if you're getting charged 19 bucks every five minutes, and the guy buses not at three and a half minutes, you may have lost another 19 bucks. You'd get them to roll up to six, seven minutes or keep going for an hour. She was too good. So, you know, because here's the thing about phone sex operators. They lie, and it's too good. Like you're talking to them. Now really it's just a chick smoking and ironing. She's got a couple of conjoined twins that are sucking off her dragon boob, and she's got a Schlitz tall boy, and you know, there's some carcass with flies around it in their trailer, and she's missing a tooth, but she's tall. Well, you know, she's got a C-section scar that actually goes all the way up across her nose, across her forehead and down her back.

15:44 Drew Nice, she's split open.

15:46 Adam It's just seemed like a football C-section scar. It actually turns into a tracheotomy scar, and then it goes across her nose and up her forehead. Yeah, you know, if you took it and straightened it out, it would go from here to Fairbanks.

15:59 Drew Sure, sure.

16:00 Adam The point is, is she on the phone is saying that, you know, she's a nursing student from Sweden, and she's 19, and she's 6'4, and she's blonde, and she's a D-cup, but it's hard to find bathing suits. Now, the guy gets off too fast. What really you should do is a phone sex operator. Here's what you should do. You should go look. Let's face it, I'm no El McPherson. I wouldn't be doing this. I'm not Victoria's Secret model. I wouldn't be a phone sex operator, but you know what? I'm better than the best you've ever had. I can guarantee you that, and I'm a good, solid eight. You know what I mean? Little intrigue.

16:42 Drew And also, how about just setting up the way women always do so you get the guy off the scent a little bit. So, what did you do today? What's going on? I can't jump right into this. You gotta talk to me first.

16:54 Adam A little small talk.

16:55 Drew So, again, five minutes right there.

16:56 Adam The point is, is we talked to this chick, and she was so good at her job that she wasn't making any money at her job. So, I said, you gotta be like a subliminal phone sex operator. You gotta start working in scary imagery.

17:11 Drew It's the reference to Saturday Night Live's skit that Kevin Nealon used to do.

17:15 Adam Yeah. Although I wasn't thinking about that at the time.

17:17 Drew Well, we started, I mean, we started imitating.

17:19 Adam You brought it up later on. Well, anytime you do it, you get into that.

17:24 Drew Yeah.

17:25 Adam You can't do it and not do Subliminal Man, or whatever the bit was, but it wasn't at the front of my mind.

17:31 Drew OK.

17:32 Adam But thanks, Drew. Thanks for accusing me of ripping this bit off. So I was just saying like, you know, what you got to do is go like, hey, baby, what are you wearing, Vietnam? And just start working, working in some weird, subliminal stuff to actually, you know, slow the boner down.

17:48 Drew And she didn't quite seem to grasp what you were talking about.

17:50 Adam I really did do it. So we tried a little run through and she didn't get it at all. And then we went for a second time. I said, no, no, look, you've got to work in the Holocaust subliminally and you have to work it on.

18:03 Drew So silence, there was silence.

18:04 Adam Yeah. And then I was like, look, just work it in this time. So that's why I was like, what do you do?

18:08 Drew No, first of all, she didn't realize there was silence. And Adam goes, Holocaust? You know, you know what that?

18:13 Adam Yeah, she didn't know what it was. Yeah.

18:15 Drew So, all right, just work it in for me.

18:16 Adam So yeah, sex operators are probably only under esthetician in terms of stuff, in terms of women that don't know stuff.

18:25 Drew Yeah.

18:25 Adam Yes.

18:26 Drew Yeah.

18:26 Adam All right.

18:27 Drew So that was that call.

18:28 Adam That that was that call. Yeah. Oh, baby. Just we heard again real quick. Nothing. Yeah. Now, now, now you can hear it with the context.

18:36 Drew And Tom Arnold was the guest that night.

18:38 Caller Bring.

18:39 Adam Bring.

18:40 Caller Hi. How are you doing?

18:42 Caller Hi.

18:42 Adam What's your name?

18:43 Caller I'm Sugar.

18:45 Adam I'm Ace.

18:46 Caller Hey, Ace. Yeah.

18:47 Adam What are you wearing?

18:49 Caller Well, I'm wearing a nice black garter.

18:52 Caller Hmm.

18:53 Caller Just thinking about the Holocaust right now.

19:00 Drew I thought Tom Arnold was going to lose a split cut.

19:02 Adam He eventually went insane after that call.

19:05 Drew I want to do something special on your wedding night.

19:07 Adam Have you ever licked his butt?

19:10 Caller Just thinking about the Holocaust.

19:12 Drew All right. So Liz, here we go.

19:13 Adam Oh, Liz. Yeah.

19:14 Drew All right. So Liz.

19:16 Adam Liz.

19:16 Drew You got that quality in your voice that reminded us of Sugar. Yeah. So anyway. Yeah. So you're worried that somehow you've desensitized yourself, right?

19:25 Caller Yeah.

19:26 Drew All right. That can happen. Usually not in two months. How come you don't incorporate that into what you're doing with your boyfriend?

19:32 Caller Well, see, I mean, I don't know. We just got together and see, I used to be real crazy with my last boyfriend and this other guy.

19:38 Drew I'm just getting loud and clear I'm not into this guy. That's what I keep hearing. No, I don't know.

19:43 Caller I am, but I'm not as crazy with him.

19:47 Drew Yeah, whatever. You're not as attracted. He's not the abusive, unavailable bad boy. He's probably somebody who's actually available for a relationship and no, you can't feel sexual if the guy's actually available for intimacy.

19:58 Adam Ouch. Wow.

20:00 No, I could see.

20:01 Caller Now you put it that way and I'm going, oh my God, is that how it is? Scary. But no, I mean, I am attracted to him and he's like the nicest guy ever.

20:09 Drew It's not.

20:12 Adam Oh, that's death, baby. Nicest guy ever.

20:16 Caller When it comes to the whole sexual thing, it's just not worth it.

20:20 Drew I will repeat myself.

20:21 I'll repeat myself, Liz.

20:22 Drew I will repeat myself. It's hard for you to feel sexual thinking somehow that feels like a bad part of yourself. Hard to expose that fully to somebody that is nice, a guy you're supposed to be with, a guy who's actually available for intimacy. So what you do is cheat or sabotage or do something. So come on, just go ahead and be available for this relationship. Get into it a little bit. Don't hold back. You're not going to freak him out or scare him off or expose yourself to something you can't handle. I don't know.

20:51 Adam She may be too young for this. She's 21. She may not be out of her bad boy phase yet.

20:56 Could be.

20:57 Caller I'm working on it.

20:59 Adam I know, but you may be working on this for another eight or ten years.

21:03 Drew Three years. Three years.

21:05 Adam How was the last? What was the last boyfriend like before this guy?

21:09 Caller Well, see, we were on and off for like years. Just, you know, we just loved messing with each other and screwed around.

21:15 Drew And you're just describing. Give her the right question.

21:19 Caller We were bad.

21:20 Caller We were bad.

21:21 Caller We loved it.

21:22 Drew Yeah. Well, it's because your dad was.

21:23 Adam Your dad do cheat on your mom.

21:25 Caller Oh, no.

21:26 Drew Just not available.

21:28 Adam Oh, not available yet.

21:30 Caller No, I seriously.

21:31 Caller And like, I never dated like bad boys before this one either.

21:35 But then I mean, it just it just we were serious. Every.

21:39 Adam All right. Look. What 21 year old chick doesn't go through the bad 19 year old chick does go to the bad boy thing, regardless how.

21:48 Drew Yeah, yeah.

21:48 Adam Oh, yeah.

21:49 Drew Yeah, yeah. But she seems committed a little bit. But yeah, you're right.

21:52 Adam All right. All right. So settle in. You want to settle in, settle in.

21:55 Drew There you go.

21:55 Adam And look, everybody, all you chicks that do that thing where you go, look, doesn't seems like you're not into the guy so much. You go, oh, he's the greatest guy in the world. OK, he's the greatest guy in the world. Let's start blowing him. You know what I mean?

22:07 Drew Yeah.

22:08 Adam He's the greatest guy in the world. Doesn't deserve a little BJ.

22:11 Drew So make him happy.

22:12 Adam Make him happy. He's the greatest guy in the world. But you treat him like a five millionth greatest guy in the world. You know what I mean?

22:20 Drew Right. Not the last guy on earth.

22:22 Adam Not the last guy on earth. He's so great. You should pay him with a little sex. Tired of people talking about how great.

22:27 Drew We've never said that explicitly, but that is a really important point.

22:29 Adam Stop talking about how great a guy is and how about giving him some ass. I love him so much. Why should the A-holes be buried in vagina, an avalanche of vagina? The criminals, the abusers, the neglecters, the...

22:46 Drew Why did God set it up that way?

22:47 Adam They were dads. Yeah. Why does this guy have to have to claw over a sea of vagina to get out of his apartment every day? But the great guys, the nice guys, the salt of the earth, your buddy, your friend, wouldn't hurt a fly, treat me with respect. Why does that guy get an ounce of pun tang? Huh? How about you chicks start paying that guy back? This guy should get Citizen of the Year. What is his reward? Where's his pot at the end of the rainbow?

23:14 Drew The other guy is just out satisfying his own whim.

23:17 Adam Other guy is a rambling man.

23:20 Drew Yeah, he's rambling. He has to ramble.

23:22 Adam He must ramble. Has no choice but to ramble. No, the other guy looks out for number one. He looks out for himself and he just uses you like a stepping stone. You're just...

23:33 Drew I'm attracted. I'm stopped. I can't stand it.

23:35 Caller Oh, yeah.

23:35 Drew I'm so attracted to that.

23:36 Adam He'll chew you up and spit you out.

23:38 Caller Oh, I got to have him.

23:40 Adam He'll use you like an old Kleenex and just discard you. Yeah, they love that.

23:45 Drew Step back and look at that, ladies. Come on.

23:47 Adam Would you stop rewarding those guys with sex? Stop it. You can control their behavior, by the way. The day that guy, the day...

23:58 Drew Gets cut off?

23:59 Adam The day his pun tang well dries up, he's going to show up with a carnation and a bow tie and he'll be at your door with a pomade and his hair. Greeting your father. Hello, Mr. Kowalski. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

24:15 Drew Is Diane upstairs? The Fuller Brushman all of a sudden.

24:18 Caller The Fuller Brushman.

24:22 Drew He will. He'll be at your door, scrubbed up, ready to sell.

24:25 Adam Hold on, hold on. I'm going to give engineer Chris $50 if he knows who the Fuller Brushman is.

24:32 Drew Why not just 100?

24:33 Caller Okay, let's make it 100 million dollars.

24:37 Adam Go get the deed to my home.

24:40 Drew One of your homes.

24:41 Adam Fuller Brushman. No, I don't even know what he did. He sold brushes.

24:45 Drew He sold nonsense at the door.

24:47 Adam Right.

24:48 Drew That's the point.

24:49 Adam Hello, ma'am. Are you the woman of the household? And might I say that's a fine dress you're wearing.

24:54 Drew Encyclopedia salesman, vacuum salesman. These guys would be instantly overnight.

24:58 Adam You women could take all the bad boy a-holes. So, by the way, we have to deal with out there.

25:04 Drew And they don't see them for what they are. It's hysterical.

25:07 Adam No. Oh, no. The guy comes in, he's got the bandana and the dangly earring, leather chaps pulled up on a hardly pulled a baffle out of the exhaust.

25:16 Drew Crying underneath.

25:17 Adam Yeah, he's so damaged. You don't understand. You dumb broads fall for all that crap and then perpetuate it. And we get a whole new generation of these a-holes coming along. And why not? If it ain't broke.

25:29 Drew Oh, that's how they optimize their gig.

25:32 Adam These guys do nothing but bang you and they bang your friends. And the world's nicest guy, oh, he's the sweetest, he's the smartest, he's the most dedicated, the world's nicest guy, he gets nothing. He gets to go home to, he can go home, he can spray a little of your perfume on a sock and sniff it while he masturbates.

25:52 Drew Lauren, you did that? You really?

25:56 Adam Well, a little on the arm wasn't a sock.

25:58 Drew Oh, dude.

25:59 Adam Well, hey, totally olfactory sense is true. Yeah.

26:03 Caller You know what I mean?

26:04 Drew Very important.

26:05 Adam Yeah. All right, let's take a little break.

26:07 Caller That's deep, man.

26:09 Adam That's strong stuff, man. And you know Chris, you know this speech, you know this would benefit.

26:13 Drew Yeah, that's right. I've seen him crawl over this, what do you call it, the wall or C?

26:18 Adam A vagina. Yeah. Yeah. Chris, I'm talking.

26:22 Caller That's right.

26:22 Adam You know what I'm saying? All right. How things going for you?

26:27 Caller You got a lady? Pretty good.

26:28 Adam You do got a lady?

26:29 Drew Oh, no, no.

26:30 Caller Oh, okay.

26:31 Adam No, right now.

26:31 Drew Not right now.

26:33 Adam Well, you know, you got a job.

26:35 Drew That's right. First things first.

26:36 Adam First things first. All right. We will, we'll take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to Celia, obligated to help Cheating X. Oh, multi-orgasmic.

26:50 Drew Oh, no, wait a minute. It's a guy.

26:51 Adam Guy. True. When's you go gay? All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

26:58 Caller Yeah.

26:59 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

27:01 Caller Your call will be answered in the order.

27:02 Caller It seems interesting.

27:07 Adam Heat things up with new Durex warming condoms. There's sex and then there's Durex. Yeah, Love Line, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number. 1-800-LOVE-191. I'd give that audience phone number out for my TV show, but I forgot it.

27:34 Drew Oh, it was a hey, Adam or something.

27:37 Adam It was 866. Want me to get it out?

27:40 I can check last night's show.

27:42 Adam No, 866. Hey, Adam, that was engineer Anderson. It's always unclear to me whether engineer Anderson's on the air or off the air.

27:50 Drew I was on.

27:51 Adam That was on. I'm going with 866. Hey, Adam, call that number, engineer Chris. That'd be the last thing you do for you leave here.

28:00 Drew I got it's right here. It's 866-546-6984.

28:05 Adam 546-6984. Thank you. That was fast.

28:09 Caller Patty wrote it down last night.

28:11 Adam That Patty, I'll tell you, that's why I call her Golden Patty. She's a golden girl, that Patty. Patty's a chick, right? Yeah.

28:20 Caller Okay.

28:21 Adam All right. Now, let me do a little quick bit of business here for the Durex kind of Party Pack, which includes, and here's the deal, we're going to give this out to the best call of the night. So something to vie for, kiddies. Party Pack includes CDs, a poker set, money.

28:38 Drew It's not even the best call of the night.

28:39 Adam It's the last call of the night.

28:41 Drew The last call we decide to give it to.

28:42 Adam Well, when producer Ian comes in here at 1154, reminds me I haven't picked anybody, that's who we pick them. But then again, I mean, I can't believe they're not lining up around the block for this, because it includes CDs and money.

28:56 Drew And poker ships.

28:58 Adam What CDs? I have been asking for a number of years.

29:01 Drew They were good.

29:02 Adam They told us what CDs they were, and then they said, don't mention what CDs they are.

29:07 Caller Yeah.

29:09 Drew They were good.

29:10 Adam Yeah, they were good. And the money they didn't mention, so I'm going to take this as a bad sign, but you get money, you get condoms, you get a whole poker set, and better than a hot poker in the eye, speaking of poker. Anyway, you got to be 18 years older, and just remember, there's sex, and then there's Durax.

29:31 Caller You ready to go, Drew?

29:32 Drew Here we go.

29:35 Caller Celia.

29:35 This is fine, okay, Adi?

29:37 Adam All right.

29:38 Drew What is that sound?

29:39 Adam That's a cash register, isn't it? Are you working, Celia?

29:43 Caller Oh, sorry. Oh my gosh. I didn't know it was on. What's happening?

29:46 Drew What are you doing?

29:47 Caller My car door was open, and the noise was going. Because it was my car door.

29:53 Adam Let me just say this, Drew. If there was a car that was $30,000, and they said, look, MSRP on the car, sticker price, well, you get out the door, you get about 32.5, it's about sticker, without the super annoying chirps and whistles and stuff that lets you know the headlights on or the door's ajar every time you turn the key or the seatbelt, it's 85 grand without those bells. I'd be like, go get it. Go get it. It'll pay for itself in the first year. Just all that chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp. You know, you ever do that when you do a thing where it's like you want to hear the radio in the car, but you open the door and you're standing outside and the thing is just, we're living in one goddamn nonstop chirp. That's all society's turned into. I sit in my office all day and listen to the heavy equipment backing up down the street, meep, meep, meep. I get in the car and meep. How many goddamn beeps can we hear a day? Drew, I'm going to start tallying these beeps up. I think it's into the thousands a week that you hear. All you got to do is get in and out of your car four times a day. You're going to hear 1500.

30:56 Yes.

30:57 Adam You ever do that thing too where it's in a constant beep, beep, beep mode because you're talking on the phone or you're having talks?

31:02 Drew Her's was kind of a wild one.

31:03 Adam Silas never going to end. Yeah. All right. Hold on a second.

31:07 Caller Silas? Yeah.

31:08 Drew Open your car door again for us with your keys in.

31:10 Adam Yes, yes.

31:10 Caller So, right as you were saying that, I got another beep on my phone.

31:14 Adam A lot of phones beeping, but at least that's... But here's my point about the phone beeping. It is telling you something.

31:20 Drew Right.

31:21 Adam The other thing is just telling you something you already know, that your keys are in the ignition of your car.

31:25 Drew Yeah.

31:25 Adam What? Is anyone ever surprised? What the hell? The keys? What are the keys doing in the ignition of the car? I'm only in my driveway in the car. Why aren't those keys upstairs in the nightstand where they belong?

31:38 Drew And by the way, if you're going to get out and leave the keys, you're going to leave the keys.

31:42 Adam Oh, and the way cars are now, they don't lock without it anyway. You got to use the stupid button to lock the stupid car anyway. You got to hit the remote on the key ring. It's virtually impossible. Here's the other thing. I would rather, and as far as the door jar or whatever that is, I would rather fall out of the f-ing car twice a year than hear that thing every god damn day of my life. Just beep, beep, it's just non-stop beeps and bells. Every god damn thing. Lawnmowers have buzzers on them now and the backups. There's nothing you can open. There's no key you can turn. There's no vehicle you can put in a gear or reverse. There's nothing that doesn't have a god damn tone associated with it anymore.

32:25 Drew That's annoying.

32:25 Adam It's just driving me nuts. I would like to know how many beeps the average person hears a day.

32:31 Drew A day?

32:32 Adam Or let's just say a month or a week.

32:35 Drew Oh, that's too high to count.

32:36 Adam And then what effect it has.

32:38 Drew In terms of actually benefiting behavior?

32:40 Adam Yeah.

32:41 Drew Yeah. Yeah. You'd probably get one near miss for every 30,000 beeps.

32:51 Adam Yeah, and the near miss isn't life threatening, it's just you almost left the lights on in your car.

32:55 Drew You would have gotten it anyway.

32:56 Adam You would have walked around the front of the car and seen the headlights on.

32:59 Drew Right.

33:00 Adam God damn. I would pay. I would pay an extra 40 grand if they made a car without the beep. That's all.

33:06 Caller So we'll call Celia.

33:08 Caller Yes.

33:08 Adam All right. So what's up?

33:11 Caller Well, first off, I'm Ethiopian. And I'm Muslim and I've been dating this guy.

33:15 Drew Wait, wait, slow down with your what?

33:17 Caller Ethiopian.

33:18 Drew Okay.

33:18 Adam And Muslim.

33:19 Caller And Muslim, yes.

33:20 Adam All right.

33:21 Caller And I've been dating this black guy for about two years now. And he's Muslim.

33:27 Drew Okay.

33:28 Caller And when we first started out, he hadn't told me that he was still dating his ex-girlfriend.

33:33 Drew Wonderful.

33:34 Caller So until about three months into our relationship.

33:37 Drew Welcome to America.

33:38 Adam Yeah.

33:38 Drew Black guy too.

33:39 Caller Why?

33:41 Adam All right.

33:42 Caller Then we continued and I thought, you know, well, everybody makes mistakes. And it was really early on in our relationship. So I don't know. I kind of forgave him.

33:50 Adam What do you look like when you're Ethiopian?

33:52 I'm gorgeous.

33:54 Adam No, no, you're hot. But is it just sort of black, skinny black? What do you got going? You look like high cheekbone black.

34:01 Caller Yeah. High cheekbones. Like, you know, really strong facial features.

34:06 Adam Right.

34:07 Drew Is Ethiopia the original Nubia?

34:08 Adam I don't know. It's like you're the first people on the planet, right?

34:12 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

34:14 Adam All right. All right. Now, you want to go get the progression chart of Ethiopia, by the way.

34:22 Caller What do you mean?

34:23 Adam Well, I just mean, you know, from they got here first.

34:26 Drew Yeah.

34:26 Adam And they could they could they could be a little further along.

34:28 Drew Oh, I see. Well, they come over here and they speed up.

34:31 Adam All right. I see. So they were flatlining for a while over there. Yeah. But it's the the cradle of civilization, right?

34:38 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

34:39 Adam They're close enough. All right.

34:41 Caller Hi, Ethiopia.

34:42 Adam Yeah. I I prefer to think of it as the spittoon of civilization. What happened to good spittoon humor, Drew? People getting their foot caught in a spittoon, spitting in a spittoon. A lot of spittoon humor. Wait a minute.

34:58 Drew The spit crawled up the side.

34:59 Adam Engineer Chris.

35:01 Drew Chris, do you know what a spittoon is? A what? Oh, dude.

35:04 Caller Really? Spittoon? OK. Celia. Yes.

35:10 Drew That's really funny.

35:11 Adam You're Ethiopian.

35:12 Caller Yes.

35:13 Adam If I saw you, would I just think you're I wouldn't think you're American black. Would I or would I?

35:19 Caller No. Everybody guesses everything like from Fijian, Indian. I've gotten French before. Like people don't know what I am.

35:27 Adam But your skin tone is it is it is it it's it's black, right?

35:32 Caller Well, it's sort of golden lightish.

35:34 Caller Yeah. Oh, I like that.

35:38 Adam All right. I like a little cream in my coffee.

35:40 Caller Milk like milk chocolate and caramel.

35:43 Adam But OK, that's hot. But that's not everyone from your country, right?

35:48 Caller Yeah, pretty much. But it depends on if you go into some tribal areas, like they look a little bit different.

35:53 Adam OK. All right. So Ethiopian is is milky. Caramely. I thought it was darker.

35:59 Caller OK.

36:00 Adam All right.

36:00 Drew And how did you end up over here?

36:02 Caller My parents moved here 20 years ago and they had me their first year here in Seattle. And then they just pretty much started to go to school and learn the language.

36:13 Adam And your parents are both full blown Ethiopian.

36:15 Caller Yep. All right.

36:17 Drew And so what's going on with this boyfriend?

36:19 Caller This guy like I've been taking care of him since the day I met him. And like with all of his emotional problems and his parents are divorced.

36:27 Drew Did you hear us yelling about this a few minutes ago?

36:29 Adam Yeah. Why?

36:30 Drew Yeah.

36:30 Caller I was listening because I don't know why. I thought like, I guess I expected when you love somebody, you go all out. Like there's no limit, you know, because they're not going to take advantage of you. But slowly.

36:40 Drew That is a grave, grave misconception.

36:43 Adam Yeah. And people, especially women, but men do it to really hide behind that.

36:49 Drew But I love him.

36:50 Adam But I love him. And when you love or pardon me for loving somebody, you know, kind of thing, it's BS. You love somebody, but you love yourself. And if they don't love you back or they don't treat you with respect, you got to shut it off.

37:02 Caller Yeah, I know that now because I mean, I'm well, I was depressed last semester and I didn't want to take the meds like when they first offered them to me because of all the side effects. And then I just started this summer on Paxil. So I've been working through a lot of self-esteem and I hear ears.

37:19 Drew I really wore you down.

37:21 Adam Let me say this, young newbie in Celia, young, creamy, carmely Celia, beautiful Celia. Here's what I want to say, guys in general don't change, but if, and that's a big if, they do change, it's in their later 30s.

37:38 Drew Yeah, after their 20s.

37:40 Adam It ain't 22.

37:41 Drew After 20s.

37:41 Caller He's 25.

37:43 Drew After their 20s.

37:44 Adam He's still got a good eight to 10 years before he makes it.

37:46 Drew This does not sound like a guy, the guys that change don't come with all the emotional baggage.

37:50 Adam And guys that change, and look, Drew, I know you're a fan of this because you look at yourself as a man who has changed, a man whose passion ruled the land. His passion was the law of the land.

38:05 Drew All lands.

38:06 Adam He's a torrent in sensual passion that wouldn't say no. You know, there was no such thing as no to Drew's passion. But the point is, is Drew, you weren't a bad guy back in the day. You weren't a responsible guy. You were just a guy who was a guy and had some opportunities and sees those opportunities like any guy who had some opportunities as a younger man. And then once you, you know, check 1700 candy strippers off your list, it was time to settle down. Point is, is you weren't a bad guy. Bad guys really don't change. Yeah, there's a difference between a bad guy and a guy who acts bad for a period of his life. And that bad isn't even that bad.

38:49 Drew Right.

38:49 Adam That's just doing what any guy would do. It's like saying, why do why do young celebrity heartthrob males always seem to cheat on their? Well, they can.

38:59 Drew Yeah.

38:59 Adam I mean, you try go to and you try going to Canada for three months and shooting a film and have hot strippers throw themselves at you when you're 23 and you got a girlfriend waiting for you back in LA. You're going to cheat. Why do those guys cheat? Why was any 20? Why would believe me, any guy would cheat if you put them in that situation. I don't necessarily say that's a bad guy. That's just a 23 year old guy with opportunity.

39:22 Drew That guy at 35, though, is heading towards bad guy.

39:25 Adam If he keeps it going.

39:26 Drew Yes.

39:27 Adam Right. Now, this guy could be a bad guy.

39:30 Drew He sounds like it. And even if they're taking care of business and the sacrifice, there ain't going to be a lot of change. Yeah. No.

39:36 Adam Don't look.

39:37 Drew She is not. Above all else, what you must know is you are not going to change.

39:41 Adam Not going to happen on your watch.

39:43 Drew Not on your watch. Nothing you can do will make a difference in who he is. And, Drew. All you do. Rescue. Think about those things. I can't talk to you real quick. Yeah. Which is, Celia. Yeah. When you rescue somebody, when somebody needs rescuing, you never allow them the opportunity to build the internal resources to get themselves out of situations. They always then need rescuing. Always. So rescuing is one of the more unhealthy things you can do for somebody you care about. All right?

40:13 Caller Well, unhealthy, but shouldn't...

40:16 Drew No, you don't rescue.

40:17 Adam I forget. Just take them meds, baby, and flush another couple of years down the toilet, chase this guy, right?

40:23 Drew Al-Anon. Ooh-wee. Gonna defend rescuing. Read my book, Cracked. Talks about that in great detail.

40:30 Adam Read my book, Don't Read Drew's Book, Cracked. Just came out with that book.

40:36 Drew You perfected that, by the way. You probably should make a handbook to tell someone how to do that, because you have perfected that.

40:43 Adam How funny would it be if I just used my own money to publish a book called, Don't Read Drew's Book? All right, let's take a break, buddy. Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy. All right, let's go. Let's break it down. I'm going to explain to you how Christmas platoon is during the break. And we'll be right back after this.

41:03 Caller Hello, is this your radio?

41:06 Caller Love Line will be right back.

41:21 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Here's another phone number for you. If you want to come and be in the audience while I tape my Comedy Central show out in beautiful Hollywood, California, you just call 866-546-6984. I think that's 866-HEY-ADAM, H-E-Y, Adam. Yeah. Hey, Adam. That's a good number. Glad we got it. Matt?

41:55 Caller Yeah.

41:56 Adam 25?

41:57 Caller Yes, sir.

41:58 Adam You're a military guy?

41:59 Caller Yes, sir.

42:00 Caller What's up?

42:02 Caller All right. I got back to my rack about six months ago. And since then, you know, go out, drink in there, all that good stuff with my friends. And if some of the nights when I get lucky enough, I'm going home with a girl and I have no problem being aroused. I can be getting what's the way to put this without getting in trouble. Oral? Yeah, there we go. I can be getting that from her. But then once it comes time to seal the deal, no more.

42:38 Drew You lose your erection. Are you ever able to penetrate or is it the point when you're about to do that?

42:45 Caller The point where I'm, yeah, it's when I'm about to. I can get as far as getting a condom on and then from there, it's just like it's gone.

42:57 Adam The condom is a stumbling point.

42:59 Drew Yeah.

42:59 Caller I have no problem getting it off.

43:01 Drew No, we know, but a lot of guys lose their friction with the condom. They're somehow breaking the rhythm.

43:07 Adam Yeah. I'm just wondering. I don't know. This may not be cured until you just get something. You got to get something regular going. You can't just go bar hopping.

43:18 Caller Well, one girl that happened to, I was thinking, this is embarrassing as all heck. We actually went out again and the same thing.

43:29 Drew Yeah. He's not meaning to see somebody twice.

43:31 Adam I'm not trying to bang the same host back twice in a weekend. I mean, actually just getting into a relationship. Just get a girlfriend.

43:39 Caller Yeah.

43:40 Drew Do you want any medication?

43:43 Caller No.

43:43 Drew Have you had any sort of Iraq War stuff? Any problems that way?

43:48 Caller Well, it's kind of hard because when my platoon goes in, it's 35 guys sitting in there. And the first guy that had admitted to a problem like that, we'll just say he's pretty much a laughing stock of our platoon right now. I'm not.

44:07 Drew Yes.

44:07 Caller I mean, I'm, I know it's wrong because well, well, wait a second.

44:12 Adam What did you do it in Iraq?

44:14 Caller I was a medic when I still am a medic.

44:17 Drew Well, you didn't answer my question though. You know, there's some people having chronic fatigue and low sperm counts, those kinds of stuff. You have any of that stuff going on?

44:23 Caller I don't know about the sperm count because I haven't gone as far as I've ever seen.

44:28 Drew I'm just saying it drops.

44:31 Caller All right.

44:32 Adam Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing, Matt.

44:35 Caller Yeah.

44:35 Adam Oh, medics.

44:37 Caller Yes, sir.

44:38 Adam That's a worse gig than the guy got blown up in my, in my weird opinion.

44:43 Drew Why?

44:46 Adam I'll just tell you, you know, the thing about medic is, especially these guys, you know, who are in, in countries, they say. I mean, these guys, they were hit in the beach at Normandy.

44:58 Drew Right.

44:58 Adam They were, you know, island hopping in the Philippines. They were all, you know, battle the bulge in Europe. These medics, they're getting shot. They're right in the middle of stuff. I mean, guys on the front line steps on a landmine or get shot in the neck or something. He's just screaming for medic. You got to go running out there. People are just sniping at you. Let me tell you something about these wonderful countries whose ass we had to kick in these wars. They would just shoot at the medics. They didn't care.

45:26 Drew Right.

45:26 Adam Guys wearing the red cross on them. These guys were getting blown away. And they're the first on. It's not like, oh, okay, you guys go secure the beach and the medics will be in a couple of days to pitch a tent. They're just during the first wave, all these guys. They don't really get that much credit because they were medics. They were like nurses running around. Imagine how many good guys these guys saw die. I mean, talk about one of these campaigns in the Philippines or one of these campaigns on the beach heads. You're on the first wave, guys just screaming all around. There's just guts everywhere. You're just stabbing people with morphine needles and giving them last rites. Just death everywhere. And you're just getting shot at in the front.

46:08 Drew Know what I mean? Does he have that kind of experience?

46:10 Adam No, no.

46:11 Drew That would make you lose your election, your action rather.

46:14 Caller Yeah.

46:14 Adam Matt, any action for you? Any blunt guts?

46:18 Caller I saw a total of 18 guys, their bodies. And one of the guys actually was able to pull out on my web gear after the fact, as I was taking it all off and we were going through everything, I realized I had a bullet hole through some of my gear. I wasn't actually hit.

46:41 Adam Wow. Yeah. All right. Well, that'll screw with the Pepe. With the Pepe. Just a little bit. Yeah.

46:49 Caller All right.

46:51 Drew All right. We say get a girlfriend. Get good at you. Practice with the condom. Maybe even master it with the condom on to get used to the feeling of the condom.

46:56 Adam I'm telling you, beat off, get halfway into it, stop, turn the line on, put a condom on and then finish it in the condom.

47:01 Drew Practice. Why not?

47:02 Adam Why not? They're cheap. Go to the gay bar.

47:05 Drew Practice everything else.

47:06 Adam Go to the gay bar and grab a handful from that big fish ball in front. Yeah. Let's take a break. We'll be right back after this.

47:31 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:42 Adam Yeah, everybody.

47:45 Drew Everybody listen to Adam.

47:46 Adam Woo, everyone listen to Adam. Phone number 1-800-ELLO- Dr. Drew in the Hizzy. Eddie Griffin coming in here tomorrow night from Deuce Bigelow.

47:59 Drew Big line up the rest of the week.

48:00 Adam European Gigolo and Rob Schneider's coming in. Pennywise coming in. Big week. Everyone listen to me. All right. What's going on there, buddy? You ready to rock?

48:11 Drew I'm ready to rock.

48:13 Adam Mark?

48:15 Caller Yeah.

48:16 Adam 14?

48:17 Caller Yep.

48:18 Adam What's up?

48:21 Caller I saw porn for the first time when I was about 10 years old. I was at my friend's house and I started watching internet by the way. I started watching about a regular basis for about two years. It was two years ago. I was 12. I was wondering the effects when I'm an adult. I heard you mentioned things briefly on the show. I was wondering like specifically what could happen.

48:45 Adam Well, we don't exactly know if you think about it.

48:48 Drew Specifically, we cannot predict with any degree of accuracy.

48:52 Caller Well, yeah, most people would.

48:54 Drew No, I can't even say most people. I can say that if you had a sexual compulsion, we might be able to harken it back to something that you experienced as overwhelming and traumatic and highly stimulating before your brain was sort of cemented, ready to handle that sort of thing. So it may, you know, it's got to have some effect, but to sort of specify what that effect is, it's hard to say. It may make you compulsive sexually. It may make you...

49:19 Adam Let's just put it this way. There's been many a guy before you who without the aid of porn has gone on to rape and serial kill.

49:27 Drew And by the same token, the plenty of people before you have been exposed to stuff and had no long term or huge effects.

49:32 Adam Right.

49:33 Drew Do you think there's something going on for you now?

49:36 Caller No. I feel fine when I do it. I don't feel any like different...

49:40 Drew But you're not compulsive. You're not doing it all the time. You're not losing school or relationships or anything like that.

49:46 Caller No. All right.

49:47 Adam Well, look.

49:47 Drew You're 14. You're supposed to do that.

49:49 Adam Couple things, Drew.

49:50 Caller Yeah.

49:52 Adam First off, couple thoughts. It's like... I was looking at Grand Theft Auto today.

50:01 Caller Yeah.

50:01 Adam The video game. And, yeah, I was just, you know, I was always kicking around out there. And I was always one of these guys. It's like, oh, please, let's don't let the man dictate what people let the, let the market dictate and stuff like that. They go look at Grand Theft Auto. Take a look at Grand Theft Auto. It's just guys killing cops, guys strangling nuns. Yeah. Just putting M-80s up by retarded kids' asses. I mean, just blood, guts flying everywhere. I mean, we watch it. It's like your first impulse is, oh my God, who's watching this? Who's playing this? Oh my God. What? No way. This should not be seen. You know what I mean? Let's pull these off the shelves immediately. Now, that being said, 30 billion kids spend 30 billion hours a month playing this game, and none of them do anything, and then once in a while a guy does do something.

50:49 Drew Was it the game?

50:50 Adam Was it the game? Because guys did stuff before video games. You know what I mean? Somebody said to me today, what about, you know, does this stuff lead to this Columbine stuff and that kind of stuff? And I said, look, when you think about the number of an accessibility of automatic weapons, handguns, and what have you, grenade launchers in this country, and the, and then put that number and that accessibility up against the number of depressed, angry, outside, kids are physically abused by their dad, sexually abused teens out there in the world.

51:26 Drew It's amazing we don't have them.

51:28 Adam Well, one a year would certainly be well within reason, with the number of schools and the number of cities and the number of states. You know what I'm saying? Yes. There should be one every five years at Columbine, you know, according to my statistics, not, not, you know, every state should have one once a year, at least. I mean, I really think about it.

51:51 Drew Where are you going to stop, too? Are you going to have, you know, billions of, any commando, war movies, all going to have to get rid of all that?

51:58 Adam Well, that's the whole thing. I mean, there's millions of effed up teens and millions of handguns and assault weapons in circulation. And yet this stuff is a very rare occurrence, which is a damn good sign. So now when it comes to porn, we don't know what looking at porn since age 10 is gonna do for young males or young females. I think the jury's still out on that to a certain degree.

52:23 Drew The kind of thing I hear about historically in people that have sexual compulsion related to premature sexualization with sexual images tends to be someone that grew up around tons of porn. It was their dads. It was in their house all the time. That's when it has a weird effect on the kids.

52:42 Adam Well, it's also the effect of daddy indulging a boy, which freaks him out too. And now you got this guy for your dad.

52:48 Drew Right.

52:48 Adam You get Larry Flint for your dad. But the other thing is maybe the first generation or two is sort of the guinea pig porn, you know.

53:01 Drew We'll find out.

53:02 Adam We'll find out. Well, it's going to be so commonplace and so passe. You're right.

53:07 Drew Listen, technology is what we've been sorting out as it pertains to our sexual behavior for the last since the birth control pill.

53:12 Adam Right.

53:12 Drew That that's sent everything spiraling and we're still settling down from that. And now we have these things coming in, pouring down on us, the pornography and Internet and whatnot. It's going to take a while.

53:23 Adam Well, when you were a kid, if someone would have told you there was a computer, a magic box for which you were said no bottomless porn, whatever, what's your thing? You like the Asian chicks, you like the big jugs. Who's who's celebrity? Who do you like? Fair Fawcett? We'll find a picture of naked. I mean, just the idea of basically the Paris Hilton or Pam Anderson video being out there when you're a 14-year-old boy and you've been watching the Surreal Life or whatever the hell show she was barely working or whatever, the stupid, whatever life show. You're watching that show and all of a sudden, you're into that show because two hot chicks on it. By the way, you're 14, they're 20 and it's like these older hot chicks. And there's porn with her in it. We go through the roof.

54:12 Drew Like you said once, you'd have to put a hole in the side of the computer.

54:15 Adam Yeah. Dive in. Be like the Lidsville hat.

54:20 Drew Just a part of you going in.

54:22 Adam Yeah. We made a pretty big hole. This thing should have said hole. Here's like you're popping a balloon.

54:29 Drew Yeah.

54:29 Adam But here's the thing. We would have gone insane with this possibility.

54:35 Drew Now, explain what we used to do in 14 in our energy.

54:40 Adam Well, let's put it this way. I recently ran across the Playboy that was at the guy's house I used to babysit for, that I used to look at when I used to babysit at the guy's house at 13 or 14.

54:56 Drew Which one was it?

54:57 Adam It was like-

54:58 Drew What was on the front?

55:00 Adam It was white with it, like chick's lingerie. It was probably like 1979, 1978. And had like hot secretaries in there. They've all died of cancer since then. But super smoking hot in the centerfold. And I went just staring at it, just going ballistic.

55:18 Drew As you'd make special trips over there just to look at those pictures.

55:21 Adam Well, I would babysit over there and I would just stare at that thing. It should have. It should have. With the heat generated from my prying eyes. Yeah, I would just stare at this thing and, you know, so here's my point. I think kids may become hardened to pornography.

55:42 Drew We don't know. That's right. They may become desensitized. Interesting.

55:45 Adam Your kids' kids, Drew, are going to be looking at pornography in the womb. They're actually going to pipe fiber optic pornography in there.

55:53 Drew It's hard to grab it.

55:55 Adam And just project it on the womb.

55:57 Drew But, you know, you wonder if it's going to increase the sort of sexualization and the fetishization of women. You need more arousal in order to feel sexual.

56:06 Adam But let's look at it this way, Drew. I grew up in a house where there was a bunch of crappy health food and nothing to eat, so I'm constantly hungry. You know what I mean? And so the result of that was me going to people's houses and going nuts eating.

56:22 Drew Right. The deprivation.

56:23 Adam The deprivation part. There are other kids out there that always had a cupboard filled with snacks and goodies, and they never were really much interested in them.

56:31 Drew Yeah.

56:31 Adam All right. I wonder if it's the same way with this stuff, to a certain degree.

56:35 Drew It'll be interesting to see.

56:36 Adam The deprivation part created the hunger and the part where you can get it anywhere you want. You still look at it. You still got to eat.

56:44 Drew So once again, the males become like...

56:45 Adam Not the obsession with it...

56:46 Drew .domesticated animals.

56:47 Adam Yeah.

56:47 Drew This is the part where we're losing the capacity to deal with cars. Right.

56:52 Adam We had to go hunt in the wild, and now we're just waiting for the fat lesbian to slop us before she goes to bed. Yeah?

57:01 Drew That's what I'm waiting for.

57:03 Adam Clay?

57:04 Caller Evening, gents. How's it going?

57:06 Adam Evening, Clay. I like that name, Clay.

57:09 Caller Yeah. Rolled up the tongue. But here's the deal, guys. I am a multi-orgasmic male.

57:17 Drew Well, now wait a minute. Wait a minute.

57:18 Adam I'm intrigued.

57:19 Drew Yeah, but people misuse that term.

57:21 Caller Yeah, I guess I was thinking about that while I was on hold.

57:25 Drew You can have sequential orgasms. That's not multi-orgasmic.

57:29 Adam Well, these for a male.

57:31 Drew No, it's sequential orgasm.

57:33 Caller I mean, multi doesn't just mean more than one?

57:35 Drew No. Multi-orgasm means repeated orgasms without any refractoriness. Only women could do that.

57:42 Caller What?

57:43 Adam All right, hold on a second. Drew, multi does mean more than one.

57:46 Drew Yeah, but I mean, but in terms of what people are really talking about when they say that.

57:50 Adam Well, can, but here's, let me say this, Drew. Can we, Drew, you're stubborn on this point. It's semantics, I mean, it's semantics. Can't we define the multi-orgasm differently for male and female? Can, you know.

58:06 Drew Oh, we could, yeah, we could.

58:07 Adam Well, let's do that, because I'm saying if males are not the original idea. Physiologically capable of doing it. I know you're angry about these guys who claim they're having multiple orgasms.

58:16 Drew Look, it's not, it's not that much. It's at the whole, any, yes, sequential orgasms, men and women can have sequential orgasms, particularly when they're 18 to 22, that happens. Most people can do that, but, but, but.

58:28 Adam Most guys at 18 or 22 can do two, maybe three.

58:31 Drew Right, as you say, same boner.

58:33 Adam New Jizz.

58:34 Drew Yeah. And, and that's, and same thing with women. They can have a couple, but, but the fact is the whole notion of when people started researching multi-orga, or multiple orgasms, they were interested in the fact that these women could have repeated climaxes without any refractoriness, like every 30 seconds until they fatigue.

58:51 Adam That doesn't exist for men.

58:52 Drew Right.

58:53 Adam Clay.

58:54 Caller Yeah. I, well, for me, it's like, for me, it'll take, you know, 30 seconds for me to come for the first time. And then immediately after that, it's like, I can have five or six and 10 or 15 second increments after that.

59:09 Drew Ooh, getting close.

59:10 Caller Ooh.

59:12 Caller And I had to learn how to do it too.

59:14 Adam Yeah, let's-

59:15 Drew How do you not run out of fluid?

59:18 Caller I mean, I do. There's nothing coming out, but it's still, and it's weird. It's like, it's not a full orgasm each time. Like you learn how to do it. Like, you know how like orgasm has two parts to it, I guess, where like you have, you draw in and then you kind of blow out, I guess, if that makes any sense.

59:39 Adam No.

59:39 Caller What I do is-

59:40 Drew No.

59:41 Adam You suck the air in through your ass or through the urethra?

59:44 Caller Through the ass. Yeah. No, but through, and so you feel all that energy pulling in.

59:51 Drew Again, the people declare the semantics as it suits them. Well, in me, for me, it's-

59:58 Adam Yeah. He's having convulsions after his first orgasm or something.

1:00:01 Drew Or he's having near orgasms or having contractions.

1:00:04 Adam Well, this is what it always boils down to with guys. Guys come in here, they write books, 200 orgasms and 200 minutes and that kind of stuff. He's like, what? Please. Then you talk to the guy, well, nothing's coming out.

1:00:16 Drew Yeah.

1:00:18 Adam I see.

1:00:19 Drew I'm not actually climaxing. I'm just having contractions as though.

1:00:22 Adam Yeah.

1:00:22 Drew Because that's more play.

1:00:23 Adam Well, why don't you write a book called How to Write a Screenplay without actually putting words on the paper?

1:00:29 Drew Perfect.

1:00:30 Adam 200 pages is blank. Awesome. Yeah. Nothing's coming out. Technically, by your definition, I'm having an orgasm now. The world's worst orgasm because you're sitting here. But nothing's coming out. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

1:00:48 Caller All right, Clay. Nothing comes out. I mean, I run out eventually, but something comes out the first time.

1:00:54 Adam Thank you, Clay. Something comes out the first time for everybody, and then that's it.

1:00:59 Caller Well, but I still climax, but it's just there's no fluid left.

1:01:04 Adam All right. I'll buy that. The part I'm a little confused about is the part where you suck in before it comes out.

1:01:12 Caller I still have the climax, but you suppress the part that makes you lose your orgasm, I guess, because there's a mechanical part of it that makes you lose your orgasm. So you suppress, or not lose your orgasm, lose your erection. You suppress that part of it, and you can keep going. And you just...

1:01:31 Adam Oh, what do you need from us, Clay?

1:01:34 Caller Well, here's the deal. I want to know, I mean, it's good when you're in a monogamous relationship, and they're in birth control. You don't have to use a condom. But when you're using a condom, it kind of complicates things because, like, I'm worried about... There's two options.

1:01:52 Drew I can either... After you ejaculate, if you keep having sex, that condom's gonna slip off and spill into the vagina. So once there's fluid in there, you gotta stop, take it off, wash off, put a new one on.

1:02:03 Adam Right.

1:02:03 Drew That's it.

1:02:04 Adam All right. Get into a monogamous relationship. The super...

1:02:11 Caller Oh, Clay.

1:02:12 Drew What?

1:02:13 Adam I'm just picturing Clay. He's had his first real orgasm. Now he's over you. But now he's working himself manually. But he's still got that weird face on.

1:02:23 Caller Oh, God.

1:02:25 Adam Swirled, sweaty brow.

1:02:26 Drew Oh, my God.

1:02:27 Adam Tight puka shells around the neck.

1:02:28 Drew I didn't need to think about that this evening. I didn't.

1:02:30 Adam Clay working for his 13th now. You're just lying there trying to get out of the line of fire. You know what I mean?

1:02:35 Drew Yeah. That's happened to you a few times, huh?

1:02:40 Adam I'd be worried about a guy who's just too into his orgasm. You know? Yeah. You know that guy?

1:02:45 Caller Taste it.

1:02:46 Adam You know that guy? I think he becomes obsessed with his orgasm.

1:02:51 Caller You know that guy?

1:02:54 Adam Guys are such a mess.

1:02:55 Drew Yes. Yes.

1:02:57 Adam Yeah.

1:02:58 Drew Yeah.

1:03:01 Adam Such a balance. Well, I'm just trying to think of guys. You know, I mean, there are guys out there that is sort of normal sexually. I guess they're girls are too. And ultimately, you know, that's who you'd like your kid to marry. But it just seems like there's such a wide spectrum.

1:03:19 Drew Yeah.

1:03:20 Adam And there's so much room for disaster.

1:03:22 Drew Oh, yes.

1:03:23 Caller All right.

1:03:25 Adam Ashley.

1:03:26 Caller Hello.

1:03:27 Adam You're 18?

1:03:28 Caller Yes.

1:03:30 Adam Oh, you hear that voice? Sure.

1:03:31 Drew A little bit. What's going on?

1:03:32 Adam A little bit of a little girl.

1:03:33 Caller Oh, my gosh.

1:03:35 Caller Well, I, when I was about 14, I was date raped by my neighbor that I lived next door to for, like, almost all my life.

1:03:47 Drew See, we would bet that that wasn't the first time that something like that happened.

1:03:49 Adam No, we think something softened you up for that.

1:03:53 Caller Anything? But, yeah.

1:03:56 Drew You're not going to tell us?

1:03:57 Adam No, or yeah, or what?

1:03:59 Drew He's not going to tell us.

1:04:01 Well, he, he...

1:04:02 Drew Ashley, Ashley.

1:04:03 Caller Yeah.

1:04:04 Drew What's important, yes, this important would happen you were 14, 14 you were? I was 14. But what's even more important would happen before that?

1:04:13 Caller Oh, well, my dad left when I was about six, so...

1:04:20 Drew Why did he leave?

1:04:22 Caller My mom.

1:04:24 Drew What's wrong with your mom?

1:04:25 Caller Well, she, she's very controlling and he didn't really want to deal with the whole child's poor issue and the kid's crying, so he just kind of left, but he came back, so...

1:04:36 Adam That's nice. All right, and he wasn't abusive in any way?

1:04:41 Caller No, but my mom was.

1:04:43 Adam Your mom was abusive.

1:04:44 Drew What would she do to you?

1:04:46 Caller Well, there is this whole thing where she, she's just a very controlling person, and when she was, when we were younger, she had to go to, like, those classes, because they went through that whole divorce thing, the parenting classes.

1:04:58 Adam Yeah.

1:04:58 Caller And also she just, when I turned, like, 13, we just had it just together. I was a really good kid, but she always seemed to, like, pick on me, and she's just very, I was, like, a perfect kid, and she just picked on me a lot, and then we, it ended up getting violent, and I don't know, I met that guy, and he, he took me out for my first night. I had a boyfriend at the time, and he asked me if I wanted to sneak out and be bad, and I don't know, I was just, like, I never had marijuana, and he asked me if I wanted to, and I was like, okay, and then that happened that night, and I was virgin.

1:05:41 Adam How old is the boy?

1:05:42 Caller He was the same age as me.

1:05:44 Drew 14 also.

1:05:45 Caller Yes.

1:05:46 Adam Wow. So, it's been an op right for 14, and you had a boyfriend. Did you break up with your boyfriend after this?

1:05:54 Caller Yeah, I told them the next day, and then I didn't want to tell anyone else.

1:05:58 Adam And did you, but you look at yourself as being raped.

1:06:02 Caller Yeah, it took me, I was kind of in denial the first night. I was really upset, but it took me a long time to realize that I had been raped because actually after that, I started like trying to see him, but he was really like abusive, and actually I had to like move away.

1:06:19 Drew Did he understand that he had been raped, that he had raped you, or did he understand that you didn't want to do what you guys did?

1:06:27 Caller Well, I think so, like he, I stopped talking to him for a long time, and then he apologized.

1:06:32 Drew No, no, no, during the actual incident.

1:06:34 Adam Well, yeah, what happened? He took you out, you smoked weed, and what happened?

1:06:40 Caller Well, apparently, it was laced with PCP, and I didn't know the effect of it.

1:06:45 Adam Let me tell you, the amount of weed that people say are laced with PCP is right up there with the amount of people that say, they put a roofie in my drink, and it's like, well, I drank about 22 Jaeger shots, but I'm pretty sure one of them had a roofie in it.

1:06:59 Drew Yeah, you don't need that.

1:07:00 Adam No, and today's hydroponic cultured weed is really made by sign, the best mines we have in this country are grown with hydroponic weed.

1:07:08 Drew You're toast.

1:07:10 Adam One hit, high as a kite, especially if you're 14. So you can just have good weed. The laced with PCP part, I don't think is, I just, the guys who manufacture PCP wish as much weed was laced with their product as everyone says it was, as they'd be billionaires.

1:07:30 Drew Yeah.

1:07:31 Adam So they wouldn't make, what do you mean? Do they have PCP anymore?

1:07:33 Drew Yeah, around. So anyway, so you got high with him, and then what happened?

1:07:39 Caller Yeah, well, I don't know how I ended up getting undressed. That's the part that I thought maybe it was true, cause he told me that it was supposedly laced. Cause I don't remember undressing. I just remember being kind of like out of it. And then all of a sudden it was almost like I wake up in my mind and I'm being, you know, I'm on the floor. And then I like started to tear up and like, he didn't even like realize it. And I didn't really know what to say or do at that point. So, cause he kept trying to come on to me earlier. And I told him, no, you know, I have a boyfriend. And then after, you know, smoking is completely different.

1:08:12 Caller Yeah. But here's, here's, you're right.

1:08:14 Drew You're right. That you were not in a mind to render consent. Yeah. And you were not in an age to render consent. So you're right. Just having sex that guy to those circumstances. Let me, unwanted sexual contact. But here's the all unwanted sexual contacts are related to drugs and alcohol. That's really the overwhelming problem with the drug and alcohol issue.

1:08:32 Adam I wouldn't go through my life feeling like I was raped. I would go through my life feeling like I made a mistake and not do substances when I'm with a guy alone. Got involved in a situation and didn't be involved with. But walking around feeling like you're raped, I don't think is going to do you much good. The other part of this equation is ladies who go out with the dangerous guy from next door when he says you want to be naughty and sneak out the window. You've already begun cheating. It's not like the cheating began when your panics came off. The cheating began when you decide to go out with the guy you're attracted to, live next door to go have a night, a little dangerous night of naughty fun. And if he's coming on to you all night and you're saying, I have a boyfriend and then says, good, here, have a hit off this bong and you do it, come on, you're in for cheating. That is just an excuse to lower your inhibitions. So you can do what you've been wanting to do with the guy you're attracted to. I'm not saying have sex, but get with physically the guy you're attracted to physically and not feel like you've been cheating on your boyfriend when in fact, if you weren't going to cheat on your boyfriend, you would have headed out that night with the guy.

1:09:43 Drew But you were depressed, there was a lot of stuff going on.

1:09:46 Adam Right.

1:09:46 Drew A lot of stuff going on.

1:09:47 Adam All right. So now you're still attracted to this guy. Yes?

1:09:52 Caller Well, I go down by my mom's house and he still lives there and I'll see him and I get this like thing where I hate him. But yeah.

1:10:01 Adam Oh, boy, you should you should all pray. Chicks hate you when you're when you're a young male because that just means poon tang. You know what I mean?

1:10:09 Caller Yeah.

1:10:10 Adam Yeah. When chicks hate me, though, they really mean it. That's the problem. Yeah. Ashley, this look, I'm not going to I'm not going to say this guy's a criminal. I'm not going to say he's a rapist. I'll go out on a limb and say he's not a great guy.

1:10:25 Drew Yes.

1:10:25 Adam And because you're attracted to him, I know he's not a great guy. This is not some sort of unfinished business you need to take care of. This is a fantasy.

1:10:33 Drew It's a compulsive reenactment of the trauma.

1:10:35 Adam It's a compulsive reenactment.

1:10:36 Drew Yeah. Do not do it. Do not go for it. It's all bad for you.

1:10:39 Adam Yes. Stay out of that.

1:10:41 Drew Get some therapy, please.

1:10:42 Adam Okay. Let's take ourselves a Ashley got a lot of stuff going on. Well, that's what happens when dad splits and mom does her thing.

1:10:50 Drew Yes. That's what happens. And then this guy just does the right thing at the right time and power off you go.

1:10:57 Adam Most guys who get what they want in life, whether it be rip someone off by selling them a car who can't afford the people can't afford the payments or nail some chick and get laid. It's about sort of finding opportunities and sliding in. It's not necessarily about being the best. It's not being the most qualified. It's not having the best resume. It's about there's a split second in many people's lives when they go ahead and shut the security down for a second. Changing of the guard. If you can time it just right, you can get into that bank. You know what I mean?

1:11:40 Drew And then these guys are opportunists.

1:11:42 Adam They spend their lives looking for the changing of the guard. That gets them laid, that gets them money, that gets sales, that gets stuff. They get stuff. They get things, they get stuff they want. Not because they're good, not because they work hard on it, because they sort of time people. And they know who's right for the picket.

1:11:59 Drew There are two kinds of people, and we never really discussed this, but they're people that give and that get because they're very giving and they provide for others and sort of offer something to the world. And they're those that get things by taking them and exploiting.

1:12:13 Adam Yeah. Well, there are two guys out there, essentially. There's the hunters, and then there's the scavengers. And the scavengers oftentimes eat better than the hunters, and they don't burn as many calories chasing the prey. And that's the way the wild works. Cheetah, puma, lion, they run down a gazelle, they run the thing across the Serengeti, they tackle it by the neck, they kill the prey, and then a pack of hyenas comes around and gets that cheetah out of there. And then they feast on it. That's why they call bad people hyenas sometimes. That's what they do. They capitalize on stuff. They're buzzards. But they eat better, live longer, and burn less calories. They're not getting gored by the gazelles' horns. They're not running miles chasing the prey down. They just jump in after the thing's already done. It's kind of what lawyers and publicists do. Really break it down. Rapists. No, actually. Yeah, yeah. Rapists, lawyers, and I put publicists at the bottom. All right. Let's take ourselves a little break.

1:13:19 Drew Let's play. Let's do.

1:13:20 Adam Be right back after this.

1:13:26 Drew We'll be right back.

1:13:27 Adam Please hold. It's Loveline, everybody. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Maybe a little number for my Comedy Central TV show if you want to come check that out. Fabulous. Hollywood. 866-Hey Adam.

1:14:05 Caller 866-Now get ready for hot horny studs.

1:14:08 Adam 866-546-6984. Come see me do a TV show. 866-It's only going to take a half an hour. 866-Now I'm trying to get a crow expert on the show. 866-Yeah, because I got my tech crows idea. 866-Here's how TV works. 866-Well, we're flying a crow expert in. 866-Fantastic. You can't actually have a crow.

1:14:33 Drew 866-Oh, why not?

1:14:34 Adam 866-They're endangered species or something. 866-I have no idea. 866-Millions of crows. 866-I grew up, it was basically like a Hitchcock film in my house. 866-There's nothing but crows overhead. 866-It's circling, making flying arrows and flying Vs and wedges. 866-They're in formation over my house.

1:14:53 Drew 866-Yeah, of course. 866-You've got a bow and arrow.

1:14:55 Adam 866-No, it's like V-Day. 866-I'm just, all of a sudden, I'm at the Kremlin, 866-and it's the 50s. The bomber formations of crows are flying overhead. 866-It is crow central. 866-I grew up in the San Fernando Valley. 866-I had nothing but crows. 866-Sometimes you can't, you know, you can't have a conversation. 866-They're calling. They're all just laying on the same tree. 866-They're just yapping at each other. 866-I, it's like saying rats are endangered species or pigeons or just alley cats, you know, like, what? 866-What do you mean? So now, well, you can get a bird that looks like a crow, 866-but as a white plumage on its chest.

1:15:35 Drew 866-That's a magpie.

1:15:36 Adam 866-Is that white plumage on the chest? 866-White plumage? Maybe it is.

1:15:39 Drew 866-When we looked it up, that was it.

1:15:40 Caller 866-Oh, okay.

1:15:41 Adam 866-Yeah, and we take the magpie and we can black that out. 866-And I'm like, now I wanna do a show about why I can't get a goddamn crow? And then it's like, yeah, and there's gonna have to be a representative from the 866-Human Society. 866-Yeah, ASPCA.

1:15:57 Drew 866-They'll let you put shoe polish on the chest of the bird, but not take the crow.

1:16:02 Adam 866-I'm gonna get to vomit. Look, all I can tell you is you can't do anything with an animal, not even a crow, without some homo from the SPCA or the ASPCA. What is it? The American Society for Protection, ASPCA coming out there. Oh my God. Please. Oh, by the way, it's not like the guy volunteers his time to come on out there. It's 800 bucks. You know what I'm saying? 866-Yeah. 866-There has to be a wrangler. There has to be someone watching. If you do something with a dog where the dog runs out on stage and you feed it a biscuit and then it runs off, they have to get a representative to watch the dogs.

1:16:38 Drew Nice.

1:16:38 Adam What's going on with pets in this world?

1:16:41 Drew We've gone crazy.

1:16:42 Adam With animals.

1:16:43 Drew We've gone nuts.

1:16:45 Adam Yeah. Newsflash, we eat billions of chickens a year and millions of cows. Who? We worried about the crow. What goes on? What if you weren't there? You know what I mean? What would I be doing with this crow?

1:16:57 Drew Oh, I'm just saying.

1:16:59 Adam Yeah. Oh, what happens? You see? You see, too late, Adam Corolla. He raped a crow. Live television. I'm worried about the crow. I need protection from the crow. You don't need to protect the crow from me. What could happen to the crow? Here's what I want to do. Here's what I'd like to do. We're having a show. We're having a crow on our show. And yeah, well, you have to get a wrangler from that. No, we're not. Well, he, you know, he's the bylaw. No, no, no, no. So sue us. No, no wrangler. No, nobody from the Humane Society to come watch over our shoulder. Who's just going to sit there and just get fat and eat our food while I do nothing to this crow. No. Something happens to the crow, go ahead and sue us. But no. Can we do this? Can we wrestle our country back from retards? Can people just say no?

1:17:54 Drew No.

1:17:55 Adam Oh, wait. Oh, we haven't had our, you know, whenever you do a production, you have to have these sexual harassment meetings.

1:18:02 Drew Oh, that would be good.

1:18:03 Adam Oh, you know why it's going to be good?

1:18:04 Drew You won't be there.

1:18:05 Adam No, I won't. I won't permit it. Oh, I'm not going to permit anyone to show up. Oh, the show's not going to go in the air.

1:18:12 Drew Well, good.

1:18:13 Adam It's going to be awesome.

1:18:14 Drew Be nice.

1:18:15 Adam We're going to have a sexual harassment meeting and I will not let anyone go. It's going to be awesome. And then the insurance won't whatever. And then we won't be able to do the show. And then I'll be a maniac.

1:18:24 Drew And then you'll get your crow.

1:18:27 Caller Yeah.

1:18:28 Caller Yeah.

1:18:29 Adam Sydney?

1:18:30 Drew When is that going to go down? I want to be there.

1:18:31 Adam Oh, it is going to be awesome.

1:18:33 Drew When?

1:18:34 Adam Well, I don't know when it's going to go down. But whenever you do a production. You got to have your sexual harassment training. And I'm not going to do it. Drew, this is going to be awesome. This is going to be awesome.

1:18:47 Drew Finally, your time to take a stand.

1:18:50 Adam Awesome. All right, I'll keep you. I'll report this. It's going to be awesome. Probably be at the end of this week.

1:18:57 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:18:58 Drew And it's what a one hour video you have to watch.

1:19:00 Adam And you got to sit down with a fat, dried up coos and she's got to tell you. She's got to tell you that orally manipulating of all of us, of coworkers is not permitted. What? No, they don't. I don't know what they do. I haven't been to the last five of them they've had, even though they tell you they're going to fire you if you don't show up. I just don't show up. But they do these things like, does anyone know what sexual? All right. You know, they start with that stupid. It's always it's demeaning and retarded. Sydney.

1:19:32 Caller Yeah.

1:19:33 Drew There she is.

1:19:34 Adam What's happened to baby doll?

1:19:36 Caller Nothing. Like not that not the past weekend, but the weekend before my boyfriend came over. He went down on me. He was like fucking really, really hard. And then it kind of got painful. And then it was swollen.

1:19:53 Adam Pulled the blood.

1:19:54 Drew Traumatized.

1:19:55 Caller Yeah.

1:19:55 Adam It's the same effect from a wet dry vac. What?

1:19:58 Caller So it's possible to get a hickey down there? Like, is it a hickey or is it just swollen?

1:20:02 Drew No, it's just you squish these, you crush the tissue. It's traumatized. You swell after. If you hit yourself with a hammer, it swell too, right?

1:20:10 Adam Well, this is different. Look, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, I put a glass on my mouth once and I sucked it in. You know you do that when you're a kid?

1:20:19 Drew Yeah.

1:20:19 Adam And then you remove your hands and things just sticks to your face, right? I did that for an hour. And when I pulled the thing off, I had a big black and blue mark all the way around my face.

1:20:27 Drew There you go.

1:20:28 Adam It was there. I told everyone in school, my old man was beating the ass out of me. It was awesome.

1:20:32 Drew It's nice.

1:20:32 Adam It's called payback.

1:20:34 Caller Well, I have another question if that's OK.

1:20:36 Adam Yeah.

1:20:36 Caller Yeah. I've been seeing the counselor. I just stopped seeing my counselor right now. And people think I'm traumatized because my dad, there's my mom and they're married, but he's been gone a lot because he's in the military.

1:20:50 Drew Right.

1:20:51 Caller I've kind of fallen back on, like I have sex a lot with different guys. And it's kind of weird for me because I don't want to, but I just do it anyway.

1:21:03 Drew That's not a good sign.

1:21:04 Adam I was just the opposite when I was 18. I really wanted to and just didn't do it.

1:21:10 Caller You know what I mean?

1:21:11 Drew It sounds like at very minimum you're depressed.

1:21:14 Caller Yeah.

1:21:15 Adam You understand that's how women, that's the difference between men and women. It's like, I don't really want to, but I do it all the time anyway.

1:21:21 Drew That's a sign of depression.

1:21:22 Adam Guys are like, I really, really, really want to and never, never get to do it. And I'm depressed.

1:21:29 Drew I'm both depressed.

1:21:30 Adam We're both equally depressed. Yeah. Cry me a river. Sydney.

1:21:35 Caller Yeah.

1:21:37 Adam You, you're acting out, baby. And you're depressed and you, you, you, you.

1:21:40 Caller I've been molested like four or five times in my lifetime.

1:21:43 Drew Oh boy. Your parents know about that?

1:21:46 Adam Still under the Loveline curve.

1:21:47 Caller They know about one.

1:21:49 Drew How old were you when they know about it?

1:21:52 Caller I remember one, I was six years old and they were 13. I was in Hawaii at that time. I didn't know what was going on. I thought it was a game. I didn't know what was going on.

1:22:00 Adam Hawaii, was that some sort of military thing?

1:22:04 Caller No.

1:22:05 Drew Vacation?

1:22:06 Adam Well, I don't mean when you're on maneuvers.

1:22:08 Caller My dad was stationed in Hawaii.

1:22:10 Drew That's what Adam means.

1:22:12 Caller Okay.

1:22:14 Adam That's the world's dumbest callers.

1:22:17 Drew So Sydney has a lot going on here.

1:22:19 Adam I knew Sydney from Fresno was not vacationing in Hawaii when she was 13 because her parents make 800 bucks a year. So when she said Hawaii, I did the quick military math. But here's the thing, everybody, everything makes sense. Right.

1:22:34 Drew If it doesn't make sense.

1:22:35 Adam Doesn't make sense.

1:22:36 Drew By definition.

1:22:37 Adam It doesn't make sense. We're gonna need to figure it out. So you have a horrible dad, but he's in the military. You were in Hawaii five years ago. It was now 99 out of 100 people tell you went to Hawaii, just assume it's on vacation.

1:22:51 Drew That's the terrible thing. For some reason, I don't know if it's just natural quality that humans have. Nobody takes that beat and goes, they just, they accept what's coming at them. They don't take the beat and go, wait, huh?

1:23:02 Adam She was in Hawaii cause of the devastation there.

1:23:03 Drew People don't have a gauge. It's like the gauge goes, off the chart, don't make sense, we gotta bring it back somehow. Right, all right. People don't do that.

1:23:10 Adam Sydney, you're acting out, baby. Let's go.

1:23:12 Drew This is sexual compulsion and maybe even sexual addictions. That's what makes people, sexual abuse, sex as a young adult, things you don't wanna be doing, but you do it compulsively, in and around depression, unpleasant feeling states, that's bad times.

1:23:26 Adam You're spiraling too. Shame spiral, shame spiral. So stop. The first thing you need to do is stop.

1:23:32 Drew Yeah, abstinence.

1:23:33 Adam All right. I wanna talk to Dennis here. I know this is bogus. Dennis.

1:23:41 Caller Hello?

1:23:42 Adam Bogus.

1:23:44 Caller Hello? Bogus.

1:23:49 Caller This isn't bogus.

1:23:50 Adam Oh, now it's really bogus.

1:23:52 Drew Well, what happened?

1:23:54 Caller What happened?

1:23:55 Caller What happened?

1:23:57 Adam What?

1:23:57 Caller What?

1:23:58 Caller Mwah?

1:23:59 Caller No, you're making me laugh.

1:24:01 Caller All right, go ahead.

1:24:02 Adam Now it's bogus.

1:24:03 Caller All right, I was in my room, looking at Gaphorn, and my dad, like, kinda walked in on me, and I haven't talked to him for like three days. I don't know what to say to him.

1:24:14 Adam What was the name of the-

1:24:15 Caller Liar whore! Liar whore! You know it!

1:24:17 Adam What was the name of the magazine?

1:24:19 Caller Huh? You're lying!

1:24:22 Caller What makes you lie?

1:24:23 Caller I'm not lying.

1:24:25 Caller Huh?

1:24:25 Adam What was the name of the magazine?

1:24:27 Caller It wasn't magazine. It was the internet site.

1:24:30 Adam No.

1:24:31 Drew And are you gay?

1:24:32 Caller No. I don't know. I'm confused. I like girls, I mean.

1:24:39 Adam What was the name of the internet site?

1:24:41 Caller It's like the Gay Hitchhiker or something.

1:24:45 Caller It's a damn lie and you know it!

1:24:47 Drew And were you just looking? Just sitting there looking?

1:24:49 Adam Wait a minute. Yeah. What were you doing? And what was on the screen when your dad walked in?

1:24:55 Caller This video.

1:24:56 Drew A what?

1:24:57 Caller It was a video.

1:25:00 Caller You have to keep seeing it.

1:25:02 Drew And how long was your dad watching this?

1:25:05 Caller He walked in. I thought he was at the grocery store.

1:25:10 Drew Was he watching for a while so he could tell exactly what it was you were looking at?

1:25:14 Caller No, because I heard the door open and I kind of froze and he saw what was on the screen and he just walked out. I don't know if he's confused or pissed or what.

1:25:25 Adam I was like, all right, Dennis, I'm going bogus on this.

1:25:29 Drew I'm not. I'm going.

1:25:31 Caller The details of the story alone are bad.

1:25:34 Drew Your dad's freaked out too. Look, he saw the screen. He doesn't want to talk about it. He was avoiding you.

1:25:39 Adam You smell anything coming from the basement? He could have killed himself days ago.

1:25:42 Drew Look, there's nothing really specific about this other than he caught you looking at porn. The type of porn is going to freak him out and scare him. I'm sure he's going to get around to talking to you about this. That's what I suspect. It's not you're doing wrong.

1:25:56 Adam Be honest. You catch your six year old son looking at porn on the website versus gay porn.

1:26:03 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough.

1:26:05 Adam It's tough, buddy.

1:26:06 Drew Either way, you're just going to react and go, oh, now what do we do?

1:26:08 Adam You're going to be like, well, here's the reality. If you walked in on your 16 year old son and he was watching gay porn, you would probably have to have one of these. It's OK, son talks with him.

1:26:21 Drew That's what I'm saying. He's working up to that.

1:26:24 Adam Now, if he was watching porn, porn, or as I like to call it, good porn or real porn, the porn God meant man to watch, you would not have to have a conversation with him. You might have a conversation with him about.

1:26:37 Drew How do you keep this stuff out of the hands of a 16-year-old male?

1:26:41 Adam Gay porn?

1:26:42 Drew Any porn.

1:26:43 Adam Oh, no. Impossible. You just pray they're not beating off in the school library looking at computers. Now, if the guy's got a computer anywhere near a house, I mean, look, short of just putting it in a steamer trunk and covering it with paraffin wax, chaining it up, put it at the deep end of your swimming pool every day you leave, like some Houdini maneuver, there's nothing you could do to keep your kids on your computer, especially when they grow up with the computer up their ass.

1:27:11 Drew Yeah.

1:27:12 Adam These kids could hack into the Pentagon.

1:27:14 Drew Yeah.

1:27:14 Adam You know what I mean? I mean, your kids never knew a day without a computer and could navigate the web much faster, much more efficiently than you.

1:27:23 Drew No, listen, all my computer skills are trying to keep up with them, trying to understand what they're doing.

1:27:29 Adam There's no way you're not going to head them off. Look, Drew, I'm starting a cult. You want in? We need a doctor.

1:27:39 Drew You're going to be the head? Or am I going to be the head of the cult?

1:27:41 Adam Hey, look, I'm a builder.

1:27:43 Drew Perez. We'll just be the minion.

1:27:46 Adam Ah, we're not going to have a junior college.

1:27:51 Drew Just put on some white robes, pick a miter cap. You'll look great.

1:27:56 Adam I'm just saying I'm starting a cult and I'm looking for qualified people who want to raise your kid in a more sterile environment.

1:28:04 Drew Yeah, I think we're going with a crushed environment.

1:28:07 Adam Yeah?

1:28:07 Drew Okay.

1:28:08 Adam We'll take our, and these kids are making good leaders and good stock too. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. What's going on? What's up? Much love. How so? I don't like that guy. I don't like the how so guy.

1:28:53 Drew Yeah, how so is obnoxious.

1:28:54 Adam It is, isn't it?

1:28:55 Drew Yeah.

1:28:55 Adam I've been saying that for years. How so? How so? How so? I just like to throw an elbow in a guy's mouth. How so? Pow! Nicole?

1:29:06 Yeah.

1:29:07 Caller 22?

1:29:08 Yeah.

1:29:09 Adam What's up, baby? You are in pain.

1:29:11 Drew What's going on? She lives in Riverside. What do you expect?

1:29:15 Caller Yeah.

1:29:17 Well, I've been having, I mean, it hasn't been going on for that long, but me and my boyfriend, I kind of like having sex, maybe a little bit too much, but he doesn't mind. But lately, I like towards the evening, after the movie, we watch, we'll have dinner and I get in the mood and then he says, I got to get to bed, I got to get up early.

1:29:50 Drew So you want to do it every night?

1:29:52 Not every night. Doesn't have to be like every night, maybe every other or maybe every two days or something.

1:30:00 Drew What do you think he wants to do?

1:30:02 Sleep?

1:30:03 Drew No, no, I mean, what is he good for?

1:30:05 Oh, anything, everything. I mean, he's...

1:30:08 Drew So then what's the problem?

1:30:10 Well, the problem is that lately he hasn't...

1:30:13 Drew Yeah, what would he rather be doing other than every third, second or third night? What do you think his rhythm would be?

1:30:20 Oh, I don't know. I mean, he doesn't... Like once he told me, you know, maybe once a day or once every other day or something.

1:30:29 Drew So he wants to do it more than you do?

1:30:32 No, no, he... So that's what he says. He'll... You know, he says he wants to do it every day or...

1:30:39 Adam All right. Nicole, what's...

1:30:41 Drew Well, Nicole, first of all, it has to be a call of the night.

1:30:43 Adam Yeah. Sadly, you're the call of the night. So we're going to give you the Durex Party Pack. There's sex and then there's Durex and then there's whatever you two are trying to do. I didn't know what to call it. No category. Nothing, no way to define it. Defines, defies nomenclature. Nicole, you're 22 and he's 32. And where's this thing going? How long you two been together?

1:31:13 Caller Probably about a year and maybe a month.

1:31:16 Drew You're living together?

1:31:18 Caller We might as well be. I mean, I drive home to go to sleep and then I come back.

1:31:22 Adam Right. And where's this thing heading? Do you think it's heading toward the matrimony?

1:31:28 Caller I'm not. I don't think so. I mean, he doesn't want to get married. He's been married, like, I think once or twice.

1:31:36 Adam I'm going to go ahead and say twice.

1:31:38 Drew Twice.

1:31:38 Adam I'm going to go ahead and say twice.

1:31:39 Drew I'm going to go ahead and say that Nicole wants to get married. He doesn't.

1:31:42 Adam I'm going to go ahead and say that. And you're sort of hanging around in your apologizing form. And maybe you got a couple. This is this is the words of a woman who's packing a couple extra pounds and a little desperate.

1:31:56 Caller No.

1:31:57 Adam What do you got going?

1:31:58 Caller No, I don't know.

1:32:01 Adam How much you weigh?

1:32:03 Caller One thirty one thirty one.

1:32:06 Adam One thirty one. And and you're as tall as a shot glass.

1:32:12 Caller No, I'm like five three.

1:32:17 Adam I make you five two and put you up to one thirty seven. Point is, is what's going on in your life? It doesn't sound like it's going like it could. It just seems like this guy's become your life. And here's what here. Let me tell you the problem that a lot of women get into. The man becomes their life and the woman is not the man's life.

1:32:37 Drew Right.

1:32:37 Adam And he's out doing whatever he's doing. Sometimes involves other women. Oftentimes this involves career or guys or money or whatever it is. They're doing their thing. And you're just waiting for this guy to come home and love you and show you attention. And the pressure becomes too great. And he starts to pull back.

1:32:52 Drew Right.

1:32:53 Adam Here's the best way to combat this situation. I, you know, look, this guy, we couldn't get it out of her. Seems like he's good for a few times a week, which a year or so into a relationship for a 32 year old guy is about right.

1:33:05 Drew But he's even pulling away from that.

1:33:07 Adam He's pulled away because Nicole's getting a little needy. And he's saying, I don't want to get married. And she's kind of apologized. Like, he may have been married once or twice. I was going twice. I love it. I love when women pretend like they don't know stuff. Again, we're talking about World War II trivia. That's a completely different situation. But marriage, previous marriages of the guys you've been with for over a year and are dying to marry.

1:33:28 Drew Dates and durations.

1:33:28 Adam Believe you me, you would recognize the difference in the two chicks he married. Dumb Prince if you saw him up on a ski mat. Okay.

1:33:37 Drew All right.

1:33:38 Adam Oh, that's Cheryl Anne. That bitch. I don't recognize that Prince. Layton Prince. Okay. Here's the deal. Nicole, I would say instead of putting the screws to him, you start focusing on your life a little bit.

1:33:49 Drew Take care of yourself.

1:33:50 Adam Getting in shape, working, whatever. Career, feeling good.

1:33:53 Drew And realize this man, if you want to know how his last relationship ended, how your relationship's going to end with him, look at his last relationship.

1:33:59 Adam And let him come to you a little bit.

1:34:01 Drew Yeah.

1:34:01 Adam Instead of yelling at him to come to you.

1:34:03 Drew And you get the directs packed tonight.

1:34:04 Caller All right.

1:34:05 Adam Take a break. Be right back.

1:34:30 Caller Yeah, oh yeah.

1:34:31 Adam Eddie Griffin is coming in here tomorrow night from Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo. We will join you then, and until next time. Also Rob Schneider, Pennywise coming in this week. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.

1:34:53 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Monday, August 1, 2005