Episode 1000717390162

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Greg Behrendt is here tonight. Greg is the co-author of He's Just Not That Into You, which I saw featured on Oprah, I think, a couple months back. And I don't know if it was you who was on it or the co-author or you're both on it. It was me.

1:52 Greg Behrendt Yeah, it was me. Well, you're both on there, but I sat in the chair next to Oprah.

1:55 Adam You're the funny one.

1:57 Greg Behrendt Yeah.

1:57 Adam Yeah. And I got to say, and by the way, New York Times, Best Seller List, Wall Street Journal, Best Seller List, USA Today, Best Seller List, and all sorts of good things. Also, Greg was a consultant for three seasons on Sex and the City, which I enjoy. And-

2:14 Drew What?

2:15 Adam Yes. I take a certain, there's a few shows that take a certain amount of cramp for-

2:19 Drew You've never admitted it. You've never done it here. What do you mean?

2:21 Adam I've said I like Sex and the City.

2:22 Drew I've never heard you say that. I'm sorry. I beg your pardon.

2:24 Adam Well, it's never really come up. You don't have to apologize, Drew. It makes me seem like an ogre. But what I mean is, I enjoy the show. I watch it. I watch that. I watch a blowout. By a gay hairdresser. I watch- I watch- I like Sex and the City. And everyone was like, you don't get a lot of manly points for enjoying that show, by the way. No. As I would explain to people, though, it's because I was secure with my sexuality, which then made me insecure because I had to explain it. Right. And now I'm back at gay again. Right. But back at gay again. Write that down. No, it's going to be my book. But the point is, you know, when you compared it to certainly whatever else was out there, with the exception of, you know, maybe The Sopranos and a handful of other shows, I thought it was a great show.

3:09 Greg Behrendt Yeah, it was a good show.

3:09 Adam Nice job.

3:10 Greg Behrendt Thank you.

3:11 Adam And but when I saw- when I saw you featured on Oprah and I saw the information that was being dispensed about, you know, the guy's not calling you back. He's just not that into you. I would say to myself, no duh.

3:24 Greg Behrendt Yeah, of course.

3:25 Adam Right.

3:25 Greg Behrendt Because it makes total sense.

3:26 Adam What is, what is the no-ee-us, duh-ee-us, no, the un-no-duh-us point of he's just not that into you?

3:34 Drew You mean the most sophisticated point?

3:36 Adam Yeah, not even sophisticated in a complicated way. But I mean, they're those, they're those, look, if you go on two dates with a guy and he says he's gonna call you and he never calls you back, he's just not that into you. That's one of those, all right.

3:50 Greg Behrendt They're all really simple.

3:51 Adam Give me, give me the most complex one.

3:54 Greg Behrendt The most complex one?

3:56 Adam Or the one that, the one that I wouldn't have thought of is what I'm saying. What's one that Drew wouldn't have thought of?

4:00 Drew Well, there's one, there's an area that I think is a little more intuitive, which is the guy is dating vigorously, but isn't gonna stick around. And only other guys would kinda see that.

4:10 Adam Dating you vigorously or everyone?

4:12 Drew She's dating, she's dating, the guy's dating some woman, and they're like hanging out all the time, they're having sex all the time, they're practically living together, and you can tell as a guy that he's going that way.

4:19 Greg Behrendt It's not gonna go that way. Yeah, it's not gonna go that way.

4:21 Drew And the women seem not to be able to perceive that at all.

4:23 Greg Behrendt Which is why it's called, he's just not that into you.

4:26 Which means that he's into you.

4:27 Drew How do they know when they're in one of those relationships? That's what I think what he's looking for. How does a woman know she's into something with a guy who's not?

4:33 Greg Behrendt Because he's unwilling to discuss the future of the relationship, or he's unwilling to do any of the things that he says he's going to do. It's really pretty simple.

4:39 Drew He just keeps procrastinating.

4:41 Greg Behrendt I mean, you wouldn't think that you need a chapter call he's just not that into you if he's married to somebody else.

4:45 Drew Right.

4:46 Greg Behrendt And yet you do. You know, it's very, I mean, you can't believe it.

4:48 Drew Women who build castles, you know, they weave yards. Yeah.

4:52 Greg Behrendt They really do.

4:52 Adam Yeah. Out of pastry. They don't actually make castles. In real life, we've got to build the stuff.

4:58 Drew I mean, a marzipan. Marzipan.

4:59 Adam They build stuff out of clouds in their head. We actually have to build a suspension bridge and have the 400 guys die trying to dig the tunnels. They build stuff out of clouds. They're girders or pixie dust.

5:11 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I made.

5:13 Adam They're panels. They're like angel farts. Yeah. They don't actually build anything. That's really what they do. They're really construction.

5:19 Greg Behrendt Did you say angel farts? Yeah. I was just trying to follow.

5:22 Adam World's worst cereal. If you remember that from the seventies. Now, women really, and the other mistake I think women make is they go, and this is not about dating, but this is the horrible relationship where they're like, well, I've been in it for three and a half years. I've invested this time, like some stock that's plummeting that you never want to sell.

5:45 Greg Behrendt Yeah, because you think someday it's going to come back.

5:48 Adam Yeah. And, oh, I bought it 50 bucks a share and it's down to 18. Well, it's going to 10.

5:54 Drew Yeah. It could go to zero. Which is most of these guys are going.

5:57 Greg Behrendt Yeah. And essentially what you're saying is like women suffer from the affliction of hope.

6:01 Drew Right.

6:01 Greg Behrendt Which is really kind of, you know, sad, but it is that sort of thing where women have more faith in something a lot of times.

6:05 Drew But guys don't come around. You know what I mean?

6:09 Greg Behrendt And I also think that they don't completely know they're just not that into it. They just don't know what it is yet until they see the right thing. But guys don't? They don't want to go further.

6:16 Drew Right.

6:16 Greg Behrendt I think sometimes you're in a relationship with somebody and you enjoy them and you're like, I'm trying to make this work. But when you really think about it, you're like, yeah, no, I'm not going the distance. I just don't know what to do.

6:23 Drew I also think it's guys are not at that point in their life when they can go further with it. Some guys have let the right one go because they just weren't able to go on at that point in their life.

6:32 Greg Behrendt But don't you think that the right one would inspire you to get your life together? When I met my wife, I was just an open mic nobody, trying, but I was like, I don't have time to wait. I want to marry this person. It'll come together while I'm with him.

6:44 Drew I think that's rare.

6:45 Adam It depends how old you were.

6:47 Drew Yeah, it depends how old you were.

6:47 Greg Behrendt Absolutely. 30 something.

6:50 Adam 33.

6:51 Drew If you were 24, or 22, forget it, forget it.

6:54 Adam Yeah, obviously, well look, if you're doing open mics, and you're waiting tables, and you're living in a single apartment, and one of the chicks from the model show, what the hell show is that? World's Greatest Model, where the hell did Tyra Banks go? Next to Greg. Yeah, if she wants to start dating you, you might throw it all away and take a chance and get married. I mean, if somebody completely, someone you recognize from TV, or just completely out of your league comes in, yeah. But in general, you don't get to date those people. You get to date the waitress who you're working with.

7:31 Greg Behrendt You get to date. You mean date at the level that you're at.

7:33 Adam You date at the level you're at, and when you meet her at 24, being usually not ready. Now, see, guys have a little bit of a plan oftentimes too, which is you're dating at the level you're at. And when you're a 24-year-old chick, you're peeking out. You're redlining level-wise. I mean, you just are. You're not going to get any better looking. You're not getting any thinner. And we don't care if you're richer. You know what I mean? We don't care the position you hold. That's it.

7:59 Drew In life. In society.

8:01 Adam In society. Yeah. I mean, the reality is, I don't speak for all guys, but 98% of them are straight guys. The point is, as a woman, you could be working at a coffee shop, hot, in 23, and that's basically as high as your number's going. Now the guy-

8:18 Drew Your rating number.

8:19 Adam Your rating number.

8:21 Drew Yeah.

8:21 Adam You're only going to get older and put on a couple of pounds.

8:24 Greg Behrendt Right.

8:24 Adam Now look, I'm not saying you could be a more complex person or learn more, be more interesting. It just doesn't, guys don't really, you get half a point as far as the guys go.

8:32 Greg Behrendt Right.

8:33 Adam In the dating market.

8:34 Greg Behrendt Yeah. Okay.

8:34 Adam Right? So the point is, is now when you're a guy in your 23 and you're working next to her at the thing, your number still could go way up. You got an idea for business, you're working on a degree.

8:47 Greg Behrendt She doesn't really have room for growth. Like you're saying she's not going past the waitress thing.

8:50 Adam She can have all the interpersonal growth she wants and all the emotional growth she wants, but as far as her number goes, not really.

8:57 Greg Behrendt Like so she hasn't got a foothold in some other career, it's probably not going to happen to her. No, no, no, no.

9:01 Drew He's saying to the guys, it doesn't matter. Even if she becomes a nuclear physicist.

9:05 Adam Doesn't matter what she does. Yeah, unless, you know, she starts a porn company or something, the guy's really in. You know what I mean? There's something very specific.

9:14 Greg Behrendt Like, I mean, so it doesn't matter if she does. You don't think you don't feel like that makes a difference. Because to me, I find that incredibly attractive. Somebody who has a life, you know, I mean, it does.

9:22 Adam Someone's wife's listening to the show.

9:24 Greg Behrendt Nobody's word again. I think that's true. Like I dated. I did. Look, I did stand up forever. So I dated a lot of waitresses. So I know what that is. And then I met somebody who my wife was in the record industry who I found. I found that fascinating. I found that to be eternal.

9:35 Adam It is it is good for. Look, don't get me wrong. If you yeah, if you had your druthers, you'd rather have a hot chick who was an executive than a hot chick who was a junkie. The junkie thing is going to shave a good quarter point, right? Maybe up to three eighths of a point off of her thing, you know. But hot chick is hot chick and hot twenty three year old is hot twenty three year old and position. Yes. And anybody could come in and marry her at any given any given point.

10:05 Greg Behrendt I will say with the junkie, you always know where she is. She's on the floor where you left her in.

10:08 Adam She's in her own, her own mess, her own sick on the floor, or she's she's turning a trick on it. You'll scratch together and you'll get some of that money, too. The point is, is when you're a guy. Now, here's how I think a lot of guys think. And I think I thought this way a little bit. And maybe you guys did, too. When you were twenty four, twenty five, you were dating people that were on a par with you. And unfortunately, you weren't doing so great. So you had to date on your level. But you had a plan. One day, I'm going to start making some money. I'm going to drive a nice car. I'm going to get my career off the ground. So don't marry yet. Because right now, I'm dating on a sixth level because I'm a sixth.

10:48 Greg Behrendt Right.

10:48 Adam The sixes will remain where they are. But I can step up to the nines when I get my career going. When I get it's not just about money, it's just about getting on track.

10:57 Greg Behrendt Right.

10:58 Adam So I think a lot of guys feeling is, is why should I get married at twenty five? Because I'm only going to I'm still in school or I'm still struggling with this person now.

11:06 Drew But I can't think of the future because I don't know who I'm going to be in three years.

11:09 Greg Behrendt Fair enough.

11:09 Adam I'm a junior. I'm a junior. I'm in the mail room right now. What am I? What kind of tail am I going to draw here in the mail room? I know it sounds like I'm breaking down its lowest common denominator. But a lot of guys are like, I'm going to wait till I'm 33 and I'm vice president.

11:22 Greg Behrendt But that's the perfect time to marry a guy. I mean, I think that's I think it's a perfect time to get married. Like when you get in your early thirties, like they should. I mean, they will not ever have a law, but it would be awesome to have a lot of good, do not do, stay away from all men till early thirties. Cause by then you're like, okay, I've done my thing.

11:36 Drew And there's a biological thing too, by the way, you're in a testosterone storm until you're like 28. Levels fall precipitously after that. You can start to think again. You know your feet are on the ground. You can start to see.

11:48 Greg Behrendt Listen, now I'm in an occasional shower, but it's nice.

11:51 Drew But in Adam's case, he had to swim through the semen to get to the door of the day.

11:54 Adam I get a little wiper spray. I get just a little wiper spray once in a while. It's like, you know, when you think it's starting to rain, but it's just a sprinkler or something. That's all I get of testosterone.

12:03 Greg Behrendt The good thing is people do not enjoy the dating thing. Like people, it feels like people just, and it seems like a lot of times, people want to lock something down or figure out what it is. There's no sense of like, let's just enjoy it. Like, let's just have it. Yeah. Let's just date. People don't date. It's just to date people.

12:18 Adam Well, it's very rare that you find a woman, I believe, who wants to. Here's the fundamental problem. If you think about it, a man can continue dating a woman for a period of time, up till a couple of years. If she's hot, he's interested, he's into her, they're into the sex. She doesn't put the screws to him and all that. If a woman is dating a guy, she wants it to go somewhere. I mean, I know I'm overstating the obvious, but I mean, if a woman doesn't like the guy or doesn't think he may have the potential to be something, she won't go on the second date usually, certainly not the third. A guy will continue dating. He'll just stay in that holding pattern of like, yeah, food's not great, but it's free kind of thing. I ain't going anywhere. Right, until something better comes along.

13:03 Greg Behrendt Yeah, and people don't get a chance to, and you don't know after you've been with somebody twice whether they're a good person or not. Like if people actually dated and spent time and dated, dated a few people. Like when I met my wife, I was actually dating a couple of other people. So she and we took a really long time with it.

13:16 Adam Wow.

13:16 Greg Behrendt Because we'd both been.

13:17 Drew But they're in their 30s.

13:18 Adam I always used to wonder how that worked though. Like whenever I used to see a love connection, I would always see them go, they do that status thing. And they go, currently dating about three or four people. And I was like, wow, how do you, does that mean they're having sex with three or four people? Or when they, and if not then.

13:33 Drew That's always left a mystery. That's always left a mystery.

13:35 Adam I guess the question is, is then, if you're dating a handful of people for a period of time, then what goes on at the end of, nothing that's just talking about sex, but I just mean, if you're going out with someone 20 times, what?

13:46 Drew You can peter out. Because it's once every two weeks, and when you're available, and here and there.

13:51 Adam Drew's a dater.

13:52 Drew Yeah, I like that.

13:53 Adam Drew likes it.

13:54 Greg Behrendt Yeah, I like dating.

13:55 Adam Still does. I think we all do. Now we could really be good at it.

13:59 Drew Yeah, right?

13:59 Greg Behrendt Exactly.

14:00 Drew Now I got my game on.

14:01 Adam Oh my God, I come pulling up an ass in Martin. Honk on the horn. Oh, I'm going to go back to my place. I got a hot tub, Olympic pool.

14:08 Which house?

14:09 Adam Which house?

14:10 Which house?

14:10 Adam Where are we at? Want to take a sauna? Oh, this restaurant? Part ownership. You want to go in there? No, they'll keep it open. I might be just getting oral while I'm sorting appetizers. Be awesome. Yeah, now I could really date. Awesome. Oh yeah, Loveline. Yeah, that's my show. I'm by 100 cities, I guess. I don't care. Yeah, I wrote that book. I was on Oprah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, doctor. I got my own show. Yeah, I'm five. It's peppy. I'm 400 horsepower. It's nice. I like to smell leather. Yeah. They got a week of date.

14:46 Greg Behrendt So nice.

14:47 Adam Yeah, you know Dexter from The Offspring's got a jet. Yeah. No, he says to take us to San Francisco. We need some lunch. Awesome. We'll wait in the jet. Yeah, yeah, it's cool. Yeah, no, they're good.

14:57 Greg Behrendt You want to meet Oprah? Yeah, we do want to meet her over. Yeah, let me hang on. Let me get on the phone. Let's put her on speaker.

15:04 Adam Listen, listen. Oh, yeah. Gee, it's my lady's birthday. Could you say say a little something in there? What's the outgoing message?

15:12 Greg Behrendt Yeah. Yeah, we hit the place. And can we just use your place in Santa Barbara for the weekend? Yeah, it will be cool. I'll clean. OK. Oh, yeah.

15:17 Adam Yeah. You see about. Oh, think about the dating we could do now. Awesome.

15:23 Drew Get your asses kicked.

15:24 Let's do it.

15:25 Adam Ashley. Yeah, you're 15.

15:29 Caller Yeah, yeah.

15:31 My boyfriend wants to have a sweet time with me and my sister.

15:35 Adam OK. Well, what are you going to do?

15:39 Drew Is it?

15:40 Well, I don't really want to. My sister, he asked my sister before he asked me and she's all for it. But I really don't want to. And I told him no, but he keeps insisting on it.

15:51 Drew Hmm.

15:51 Adam Yeah, it sounds like a delight. It's either it's either bogus or you're sort of your antenna is severely bad.

16:01 Drew There's a choice here.

16:02 Yeah.

16:02 Drew A profound abuse survivor. Well, or there's a dude sitting next to you.

16:06 Adam So which is it? Is there a guy next to you who's putting you off to the call or is there a guy next to you molesting you?

16:11 I don't know. My phone's dying and I'm trying to charge it at the same time.

16:16 Drew Why don't you say so? All right.

16:18 Adam That was C. Was molesting, bogus call or phone call.

16:21 Drew We were ready for multiple of the choice.

16:23 Adam Right. Okay, Ashley. Now I'm just going with.

16:25 Drew Abused.

16:26 Adam Yeah. Ashley.

16:27 Drew But she doesn't make you angry though.

16:28 Adam Where's your dad?

16:30 Caller He's at, what do you mean?

16:32 Like, is he with us?

16:35 Adam Is he in the picture? Is he with your mom?

16:37 Drew Is he in your life?

16:38 Yeah. He's in the life.

16:42 Adam He is. Is he a good guy?

16:44 Yeah.

16:45 Drew Does not compute.

16:46 Adam What's he do for a living?

16:48 He works at a game store.

16:50 Adam At a game store. And is he, does he, what could be a good thing? Is he, is he ever cheated on your mom or is he abusive to your mom?

17:00 No.

17:01 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

17:03 Seventeen.

17:05 Adam All right. I don't trust this guy.

17:06 Drew This just does not compute.

17:07 Adam It doesn't compute.

17:08 Drew This does not compute.

17:08 Adam Yeah. What are we missing? Were you adopted?

17:11 No.

17:12 Adam Is somebody an alcoholic?

17:14 Drew Bogus. Has to be Bogus.

17:15 Adam Did he ever rape you with a Stratego piece?

17:18 No.

17:20 Drew Ashley, you're not describing a situation where somebody can contemplate something like this. You're fat.

17:27 It's really weird because he was going out with my sister before he went out with me and just out of, well not out of nowhere, but he was hinting that he wanted and then just he said that he wanted to do it with my sister.

17:41 Adam Now, he's already got both of you. Still, Ashley, you're just repeating basically what you said over and over again. It's not convincing us. We don't believe you. Bogus. Unless there's something you need to tell us that involves something serious, something good.

17:58 Drew There's no question here.

18:01 Adam There's no question and nothing we can hang our hat on.

18:03 Drew And that story that doesn't make sense. Again, you don't sound like the history of a person who would consider something like this, or even date a guy who would ask you something like this.

18:12 Well, I didn't really think that he would like that, like.

18:16 Adam All right.

18:18 Hold on.

18:18 Adam By the way, I really picture us speaking. I almost like we're speaking to insects. I was going to say animals, but that's not fair. I have a dog. And that dog knows its name.

18:29 Drew Right. Right.

18:30 Adam It knows to get up. She knows to lie down things. She actually follows some basic commands. She called from New Mexico.

18:36 Drew Oh, she hung up.

18:37 Adam Yeah, I think that was BS.

18:38 Drew That was bogus.

18:39 Adam Call from New Mexico.

18:40 Greg Behrendt Not good.

18:41 Adam Not good. It's got the word Mexico right in the title. By the way, I would have been like, hey, how about we call it New Canada? And they're like, well, that's not even close to it. Fellas, let's not take any chances. Let's just call it New Canada. We get used to that.

18:57 Drew What, New England was next to England?

18:59 Adam New Finland, New England? Yeah, come on now. We could do this easily.

19:03 Drew There's this precedent.

19:04 Adam Yeah, yeah. As a matter of fact, I say we change New Mexico to New Canada right now. You know what I mean? How are you supposed to tell people that are coming across the border when there's a place called New?

19:17 Drew You know what I mean?

19:18 Adam If you're trying to get to Mexico, there's a big place called New America.

19:21 Drew Everyone knows New Mexico looks nothing like Mexico.

19:24 Greg Behrendt New Hawaii, like kick it up a notch. Yeah, New Hawaii would be really fun.

19:27 Adam You're right.

19:27 Drew You're right.

19:29 Adam You know, I was thinking inside the box, not outside of the box.

19:32 Drew Greg took it right outside.

19:33 Adam He took it right outside. I was thinking of a neighboring country, but no, forget it. Let's take one of our better places and put on there. New Hawaii. It sucked though when it was 170 degrees in the summer though and you're at New Hawaii.

19:45 Drew You feel better about it because you're going to Hawaii.

19:47 Caller It was real tropical.

19:48 Adam Toby?

19:50 Caller Hello?

19:51 Adam You're 19?

19:52 Caller Yeah.

19:53 Adam Female, Toby? Yeah, that could be hot or it could be a train wreck.

20:00 Caller Huh?

20:00 Adam Are you good looking?

20:02 Caller Yeah.

20:03 Adam Okay. All right.

20:06 Caller I mean, I'm 5'10, blonde. I don't know if you want that, but my question was...

20:13 Adam Yeah, I did.

20:13 Drew He did, for later.

20:15 Yeah.

20:16 Adam Oh, hold on a second. But you know what Toby may be? And you run into him every once in a while. The beautiful, tall, blonde chick who's goofy.

20:27 Oh, right. Yeah.

20:29 Adam They got the goofy laugh and their mouth's a little goofy.

20:32 Greg Behrendt They wanted to stand up.

20:34 Adam And it's weird. It's like they're really hot from across the party, but then you start talking to them and it's like one of your buddies, teenage brothers, who's sort of grown into his gangly body or something. It's weird because they look really hot, but there's something goofy about them that makes them kind of asexual. What is that thing? You know what I'm talking about? And it happens in blondes, by the way.

20:53 Drew It's got to be kind of a defense.

20:55 Adam I don't know what it is. It's like they're tan and it's always the same earmarks. Long legs, beautiful long legs and nice. They look like they play a lot of volleyball out in the sun and stuff and they look great. Then they start talking. They have marbles in their mouth and then it's weird. And all of a sudden, you're not attracted to them. But 10 seconds ago, you couldn't believe it. You couldn't believe it from across the party, right? What is that?

21:18 Drew There's a chapter about that in his book, in Greg's book. A chapter dedicated to the goofy blonde girl.

21:23 Adam They do not come in auburn hair women, not rarely in brunettes. It's really a blonde thing. Toby?

21:31 Caller Yeah?

21:32 Drew What is your question?

21:33 Caller My question? I haven't been, I mean, I'm young, but me dating has never been like, I've never been serious with anybody. Lately, I mean, it's not like I have to have been by 19. I know that, but most people I know have had at least one, maybe at least a couple of months long relationship. I've had none of those, maybe one month.

21:57 Adam What do you think the problem is?

21:59 Caller I don't know. I feel I'm very picky, but I don't know if that's, I know it has more to do with. There's a lot of things that I've picked up that I find that I cannot like. I don't like them. They're too, they have, they put too much into it, and I just get, I push them away.

22:17 Adam They're too excited?

22:19 Caller They could be. It seems sometimes.

22:21 Adam They're too enthusiastic.

22:23 Caller My question is, I have been dating this guy for about a month.

22:26 Adam Hold on. I had a thought. Women love enthusiasm in year number three, but not day number three.

22:32 Drew No.

22:32 Adam Which is weird. They want you to be super enthusiastic. I packed a picnic basket. I got a place worked out. We rented a convertible. We're going out this weekend. When you're with a woman for a few years, that's all she wants out of you. The first few dates, she don't want that kind of crazy enthusiasm. It freaks them out.

22:51 Drew Even then, after a few years, it has to be delivered as though you're delivering it to a Persian cat. Come at it too fast. What do you think?

22:58 Adam No, I know. But the point is, is if your wife came home and you said, sweet, I made some plans for Saturday, I packed this a bit, a basket, we're going to the Hollywood Bulls, she would be looking for your cocoon underneath the house. She would be blown away.

23:11 Drew But it's got to be delivered dispassionately.

23:13 Adam Yeah. Hold on, Drew, you make a horrible point because no, you can't. If I did any, if I got up off the goddamn sofa, my wife would have a heart attack. I'm not saying you tackle her at the door like Dino tackling Fred. I'm just saying some enthusiasm, some initiative, some commitment. But you see it too early, date number two, chicks freaked out. Freaked out. Freak out, Toby.

23:40 Drew Also, it can sometimes mean intimacy problems too, though, if your dad left or your product, divorced family, that's sort of a-

23:46 Adam What's your dad?

23:47 Caller I have a family. Let me ask-

23:49 Drew It is a divorced family?

23:50 Adam It is.

23:51 Caller Okay.

23:51 Adam Your dad's successful, successful attorney. What's your dad do?

23:55 Caller UPS driver.

23:57 Adam Aha.

23:57 Drew Perfect.

23:59 Caller All right. He's one of the truck drivers. I've been dating this guy for about a month and I went to a drive party with him and all of his friends, I'd only met like five or six of them, the huge party. And he kind of ignored me a little bit around his friends, wasn't as normal as he is when we normally hang out with one or two friends. So he's cool around a couple, but when he gets run a lot, it's kind of like he wants his own little space. But when I am towards the end of the night, I think I broke down to one of his friends who I hang out with like, he's always there whenever I hang out with them. That was like the three of us. And I think he saw me talking to him for about 20 minutes. And I would think I was crying. I might have been, but he left the party without me. Just left. We came together. We stayed the night before at his house and we woke up early.

24:47 Adam You mean like you were cheating or something?

24:50 Drew He didn't talk to me at all.

24:53 Caller He's like his best friend too. This guy, I talked to him and I was like, would he, have you ever done this to him before? Like to where he might think that I might have been, you might have been trying to get in my pants or something. He said, no, I would never. He's my best friend.

25:05 Adam All right. Okay. Here's the thing. I'm not so sure if this guy's Mr. Right.

25:09 Drew Yeah.

25:10 Adam And I don't know why he would just leave. And it doesn't make sense. Here's what I would say. This is a sort of a crossroads. He did something. You can give him an opportunity to explain himself. If he tells you something good.

25:24 Drew What? What?

25:25 Caller He thinks I did something. I swear he thinks that I'm, he left me a text message when I was leaving the party. I was trying to get a hold of him. Says, that's not what I'm looking for. I don't understand what that means. What did I do?

25:35 Adam Well, look, obviously you didn't do anything. And obviously he thought you did something.

25:39 Drew So maybe it was the fact that you were sort of too intense and breaking down to his friends. And what's he, you know, why are we not spending all our time together at this party?

25:46 Greg Behrendt It doesn't sound that fun, though. He seems like an able. I mean, I know loss like, you know, I just smell alcohol.

25:52 Drew Again, I farted. No, no.

25:55 Adam What about? I've been drinking pretty good. Yeah, I mean, how about this, though? You know what I like about women?

25:59 Greg Behrendt He did say that's not what I'm looking for.

26:00 Adam So I've had 13,000 discussions slash apology sessions with women about how you act around your friends with your friends. I have never said to any woman I've ever been with, oh, when you're around your friends, has a guy ever had a beef about a woman and her friends? First off, we're elated if they have friends. That's number one. God, thank Christ you have friends. Number two, honey, we're doing a girl's, go, go.

26:30 Drew No, but this is 19 though. I can remember at 17 having all kinds of weird energy about parties.

26:34 Adam No, weird energy about parties because her old boyfriend or whatever, or a dude you imagine, good looking guy comes off the beach, gives her a hug. Who's this guy? How does he know her? But never her with her girlfriends.

26:48 Drew Yeah, you're right.

26:48 Adam You're right.

26:49 Greg Behrendt That's a very dramatic move to leave a party and send a text message.

26:52 Drew That's why I smell it.

26:53 Greg Behrendt Yeah, it's a very dramatic. He put on a play, practically.

26:56 Drew He was loaded, I guarantee it.

26:57 Adam Well, he was at a party.

26:58 Greg Behrendt I mean, he wants her to come chase him. I mean, it's bad.

27:00 Drew Whatever, it's just all right.

27:01 Adam All right, so here's what I would do. Piece of advice. Just because someone gets on the offense doesn't mean you need to get on the defense. Somebody leaves you at a party and accuses you of cheating. You don't have to go, oh no, oh no, no, no. You can get on the offense going, what the hell you talking about? What were you doing straining me at the party? I didn't even have a ride home. How dare you?

27:19 Drew I'm not sure Toby has good enough boundaries to do that. She needs to just end it.

27:23 Adam Got a little of that goofy blonde in her? Yeah.

27:25 Yeah. Yeah.

27:26 Adam You know where it all stems from? The mouth. It's all the mouth.

27:29 Drew What, it's moving too much?

27:32 Adam It's got a little novocaine in it, just a little shot of novocaine. Hot. Little mushroom. Yeah.

27:40 Greg Behrendt Crooked maybe a little, you can see the gums.

27:41 Adam Still something, you know what it is? Little spit bubble when they're talking.

27:44 Greg Behrendt Right. Come on, let's go.

27:46 Adam All right, Greg Behrendt is here tonight. He is the, I'm just going to go ahead and call you the author of He's Just Not That Into You, which is number one bestseller. We'll also going to be at the Irvine Improv this week, seven through the 10th, and we'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

28:05 Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

28:10 We'll be right back.

28:11 Caller Love Line is brought to you by the American Legacy Foundation.

28:14 Caller The one and only Live 105.

28:28 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Greg Behrendt is here tonight. He is the author of He's Just Not That Into You, which I can say quite easily, but when you try to read it and say it, it doesn't want to come out of your mouth.

28:45 Drew Behrendt, you want to say?

28:46 Adam No, no, I'm just saying, I'm going to say the title.

28:47 Drew He's Just Not That Into You, I see it.

28:49 Greg Behrendt He's Just Not That Into You?

28:50 Adam I don't know why, maybe it's just my horrible ability to read, a little dyslexia, but I can say he's just not that into you, but when I read it, it feels like it's, like I'm crapping it out. Also, Greg's going to be at the Irvine Improv this week, that would be Thursday through Sunday, 7th through the 10th, and got himself some sitcom stuff coming up, developing a sitcom, movie deal about the book. Who do you think's going to be in this movie?

29:19 Greg Behrendt I don't know, they've asked us, actually. Clearly, you and I will be. Yeah, I think it will be us.

29:22 Adam Oh yeah, well there'll be a scene that'll be cut out, that'll have us in it.

29:24 Greg Behrendt It takes place in radio, it takes place actually in radio.

29:27 Adam It does?

29:27 Greg Behrendt Yeah.

29:28 Adam Oh.

29:28 Greg Behrendt Yeah, we put it in radio.

29:29 Adam Well, let me say a couple tips. You gotta make them wear headphones and call them cans, because that's what you call them.

29:34 Greg Behrendt Slip it on the cans? Sure.

29:35 Adam Cans, and don't have that thing where they're doing talk shows, you know, where they don't have as headphones on.

29:40 Greg Behrendt Yeah, I know, I know.

29:40 Adam They're pretty much gotta wear.

29:41 Greg Behrendt Gotta put the cans on.

29:41 Adam Cans, cans. That's what we call them. Yeah, so make sure they got the cans on.

29:46 Greg Behrendt Yeah, slip on the cans.

29:47 Adam That's good. And don't have the producers listening or laughing or participating in any way.

29:52 Drew They need to be sitting there like.

29:54 Greg Behrendt Just quiet.

29:54 Drew Dead. No, no, no, no.

29:56 Greg Behrendt Nothing.

29:56 Drew Like.

29:57 Greg Behrendt Just dead, I got you, dead on the inside. Right.

30:00 Drew And the outside.

30:01 Greg Behrendt Emotionally dead. I'll put that in the directions. The producers emotionally dead on the inside.

30:06 Adam Don't have anyone around the show too into the show.

30:09 Greg Behrendt No.

30:10 Adam And if you ever go into the kitchen, you got to make sure the microwave stinks to high hell.

30:15 Drew Pizza or a burrito.

30:16 Greg Behrendt Okay.

30:16 Drew Or enchilada. Enchilada.

30:17 Adam Yeah, just. It should smell like that Taco Bell mascot was raped in the microwave. That's what you smell. Just hell. Yeah, it's just raped with a burrito. That's right. A Mexican hooker was raped with a burrito. That's what it should smell like. Because if it was just burrito, it would smell kind of good.

30:36 Drew Right, right.

30:37 Adam Right.

30:38 Greg Behrendt That sounds good. Yeah, okay. I'll put that in there as well.

30:39 Drew And then coffee, hell.

30:41 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then lots of notes on stuff all over the place. This is Jed's Tabasco sauce. You know, 40 something year old guys putting Post-It notes on a nickel's worth of Tabasco.

30:53 Drew Threatening. And a nice sort of detail would be that a chef boyardee can open, half eaten, and then there's a paper towel stuffed in it.

31:01 Adam Moistened paper towel.

31:02 Greg Behrendt Yeah.

31:02 Adam Yeah, that's good.

31:02 Greg Behrendt Kind of soaking it up a little bit.

31:04 Drew Just to cut, you want to save that for tomorrow.

31:06 Greg Behrendt Right, of course.

31:07 Drew You're ravioli.

31:08 Adam Yeah, you know, you're spaghetti.

31:09 Greg Behrendt You know, you're on radio and you live a good life.

31:11 Adam You know what's good about radio, too? Angry notes posted around the kitchen. There was half a ding dong in the thing. Whoever ate my ding dong, whoever ate the other half of my ding dong. I want to answer. Really, really what happened is the janitor threw it out, is what happened. 40 something year olds writing angry notes on coke machines, writing angry notes in kitchens. What's going on on radio?

31:34 Drew About super processed foods.

31:37 Caller Yes, yes, yes.

31:39 Adam 11 cents worth of nothing. Average age, 44. Awesome. What is it with radio, guys? Is everyone broken in radio? Is that what it is?

31:49 Drew Draw your own conclusion. Here we are.

31:51 Adam All right.

31:51 Drew Okay.

31:52 Adam Brandon?

31:53 Yes.

31:54 Adam You're 28?

31:55 Caller Yes, sir.

31:56 Adam What's up?

31:58 Caller Oh, you don't like me calling you sir, sorry.

32:00 Adam No, that's all right.

32:01 Drew Just seems comical.

32:03 Adam Yeah.

32:03 Drew Go ahead.

32:04 Adam Here's the other thing that's funny about radio too. I was just thinking about, I was just talking to somebody about KALIS-X, one of the stations out here in Los Angeles, and they were like, KALIS-X is making money hand over fist. I thought to myself, why don't they have any goddamn carpet in that place? You ever been to KALIS-X?

32:22 Drew No carpet.

32:23 Adam They had indoor-outdoor carpet that looked like transmissions were changed on it and bums defecated into it for about 20 years, and then they pulled it up, and now it's just slab. And I thought to myself, they're making money hand over fist, and they got no goddamn carpeting?

32:37 Greg Behrendt Yeah, but that's the trick.

32:39 Adam Yeah, that's how they make money.

32:40 Greg Behrendt No carpeting, that's where you cut it back.

32:41 Adam That's radio, everybody. You work in a business with no carpet.

32:45 Drew But the interesting thing about radio is that the extra 12 cents a square yard nets them millions.

32:50 Adam Yeah, no. If they can't trade it out, if they can't trade it out to Flooring Plus, who they're down trying to get as an advertiser, they're not gonna do it, but I just thought, making a ton of money and you don't have any goddamn carpet in the whole building. Awesome. Brandon?

33:04 Caller Yes.

33:05 Adam Go ahead.

33:06 Caller All right, I've got this girl, been chasing her for about four years. She's 21, I'm 28. She's got this thing when every time we'll have sex, afterwards she talks about and she acts like she feels dirty. Ashamed of herself.

33:24 Drew Did something happen to her growing up?

33:26 Caller I don't know, I can't get her to talk to me. I know her very well, but whenever it comes to this issue, she clams up and well, I'm, a lot of people kind of reverse our positions.

33:41 Adam 69 you mean?

33:43 Caller I'm kind of described as being the female in the relationship and she's more like the guy, because I'm the one that was always wanting to snuggle up with her, I write poetry and stuff and she's like...

33:55 Adam You have any of that on hand? And by the way, Brandon's calling from Missouri, so officially the first person from Missouri ever to write poetry?

34:03 Drew Officially.

34:04 Caller Actually, I'm the only guy in Missouri, part of the Romantic Writers Association of America.

34:08 Adam Yeah.

34:08 Drew Oh my God.

34:09 Adam Brandon, here's where the meeting is every week, wherever Brandon is at Friday at 5.

34:13 Drew Alright.

34:14 Adam That's where it is.

34:15 Drew Here are your possibilities, Brandon. One is that she...

34:17 Adam And do you want to know?

34:18 Drew Yeah, I know. He doesn't, but here are your possibilities.

34:21 Adam Well, maybe he doesn't.

34:23 Drew One is that she was sexually abused or was sexualized or somehow exposed to something very traumatic growing up and that having sex re-evokes that.

34:30 Adam What rhymes with sodomy? See, it's tough.

34:33 Drew Uh, celiotomy.

34:36 Greg Behrendt Oh my god-omy.

34:38 Drew Rick Yost, I know.

34:39 Adam All right, let's keep going. Show me some beats.

34:42 Drew Number two, a very stringent religious upbringing can make people feel guilty about being sexual at all, though that is fairly unusual these days.

34:51 Caller Okay. She's a wiccan.

34:53 Adam All right.

34:53 Drew Well, let's go back to the music.

34:55 Adam What rhymes with fat? That's an easy one. You got hat, rat. Yeah. Is she big gal, Brandon?

35:03 Caller No. Well, she's a little on the heavy side, but I'm-

35:07 Drew How much would you say she weighs? How much does she weigh?

35:10 Caller Uh, probably 160 pounds.

35:14 Adam Brandon, what is going on in the background there?

35:17 Caller Uh, the stupid phones were- I'm at work.

35:20 Adam I see. All right.

35:21 Caller I'm a security officer and at night the phone rings and- I'm sorry about that.

35:26 Adam Yeah, you don't want to get that. Just officer down, shots fired.

35:29 Greg Behrendt Yeah, it was good to say.

35:30 Adam You finish up the distraction.

35:31 Caller You finish up your radio thing.

35:32 Adam Yeah, but you do it, I think, when I used to work here. Just pick it up and slam it down again. That'll teach them a lesson.

35:36 Caller Well, actually, well, the thing is, is that anybody calling me at this hour is just a friend.

35:40 Drew And then finally, who's hearing on the radio right now, finally, there is the possibility that she comes from a lot of chaos and has difficulty with intimacy, and you being, as you've self-described, a nice guy, available, super romantic, all this stuff, makes her feel very uncomfortable.

35:56 Adam Well, the Wiccan part would raise a red flag for us.

36:00 Drew Yeah, that goes to the abuse category.

36:01 Adam We don't find that there's...

36:03 Caller She was raised Christian. Her mother was abusive. I know that. All right. There you go. But she became Wiccan. She's very, like, she's super intelligent, very...

36:13 Drew Okay, and they didn't discuss her being or not being intelligent. That has nothing to do with this.

36:18 Caller Right. The thing that really gets me is, like, she's always talking about needing love, and she'll sometimes, like, open up her arms and, like, motion like she needs to be hugged. Yeah. Like, and be very clingy, and then other times, like, I wanna cuddle afterwards, and she'll shove me away. All right. Well, what about, I just want to be, or she'll get in this state.

36:39 Adam Hold on a sec.

36:39 Drew Yeah, this is all chaos.

36:40 Adam What about the notion, and Greg, you weigh in here, too, of just, she's 21. She's not gonna do a whole lot of change in that fast. If you're in this relationship to change her, it's gonna be a long and uncomfortable relationship for you. What about the notion of just saying, I'm gonna take her for what she is, if she tries to stab me in my sleep, I'm leaving, if she's good enough for me now, that's fine, and I'm just gonna hang in, it is what it is.

37:10 Drew A guy can do that, not Brandon. Brandon is weaving. He's writing poetry.

37:14 Adam Right, don't you wish someone would have said to you when you were in your early 20s or mid-20s and you're having these relationships that were so fueled with angst and feeling so much, don't you wish a little kazoo would have landed on your shoulder?

37:31 Drew Say, hey dum-dum.

37:31 Adam Hey dum-dum. Yeah, another Flintstones reference. But the point is, is your little muse lands on your shoulder and he says to you, hey listen, you're not going to marry this girl. This thing's going to go on another six months and then you're going to have a few months off and you're going to meet somebody else. And then the third one you're going to marry actually.

37:49 Greg Behrendt So you know what?

37:51 Adam Just enjoy it. Don't try to change or don't get freaked out about the old boyfriend. Don't even just, just enjoy, just be in it.

37:58 Greg Behrendt Ultimately, don't you think, A, you can't change her. She would have to change herself. But B, if you said, look, this isn't working for me, you know, I can take it for so long and then give her the option to then the consequences are, then she would have to look at it. But ultimately, you know what I mean? Like you can't change her. And the only thing you have is the ability to say, listen, this isn't working for me. So either we fix it or I have to move on. Right.

38:18 Adam That's about it. And really, if you do want her to change, that's the only way you can is the threat of moving on. Although I'm not sure if Brandon is capable of that.

38:28 Drew Yeah. And if she is as borderline as she appears, she's going to be pushing, pushing away until you try to go away. And then it'll be like total hell will break loose. There's a great book on borderline called, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.

38:42 Caller Yeah.

38:43 Drew And you might want to read that book.

38:44 Adam All right, Brandon, you're going to have to grow, not a spine, but at least a few more vertebrae, all right?

38:50 Drew What do you say about the-

38:51 Caller What I'm really mean is I'm on the work.

38:53 Drew What do you say about the borderline?

38:55 Caller I used to be in therapy. I'm bipolar. I used to be in therapy. And my therapist used to say that he felt that she was borderline.

39:05 Drew Well, that's what I'm telling you, the same thing.

39:07 Caller What would you say the name of the book was?

39:09 Drew I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.

39:11 Caller I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.

39:12 Adam All right, write that down. And yeah.

39:16 Drew She's borderline.

39:17 Adam It's not gonna work.

39:18 No.

39:19 Adam She's Wiccan.

39:20 Drew Whatever.

39:20 Adam Here's the thing, too, that, you know, I'm going to...

39:22 Greg Behrendt That's just too much God smack.

39:24 Adam I'm going to write a... I'm not going to write a book. I'm just going to have a laminated cheat sheet that people can keep in their wallet, like that tipping chart that chicks have to use, non-Asian women to figure out what to tip. Yeah. My wife. $21.00. I just figured it would be $20.00. What do you... Let's do the $21.00 to round up the... All right. But anyway, that little laminated cheat sheet, which is guys can look at it when... See if chicks are nuts. Here's the thing. Wiccan. That's up there. Indicalonix. Way up there. This is just a sort of... These are the big beats to look for. I hate stepdad, that kind of thing. Doesn't know real dad.

40:01 Drew Cries after sex.

40:03 Adam Cries after sex. Cries during sex. Cries before sex. A lot of that. Or wants you to strangle or punch her when you're... You know what I mean? Or do that thing where you pretend to break in and rape her. It's just ten basic...

40:15 Drew Greg's next book. This is Greg's next book. How to know that it's good enough for now, girl.

40:19 Adam Here's the name of the book. Don't Get This Crazy Bitch Pregnant. That's going to be the name of it. Oprah will have it.

40:26 Greg Behrendt That will be read on Oprah.

40:27 Adam Sure. My wife who actually forced me to watch Oprah during the week, during the break actually, she teased it. I enjoyed it. Then my mom came in with a tape from Oprah. Yeah. She said, awesome. But my mom came up, my mom came over yesterday with a tape. She said, I saw a comedian on Oprah. His name is John Stewart. He's on it. Do you know? Do you know who he is? Do you know who he is? I was like, yeah, I think I know that guy. We had the same agent, by the way, that was my stupid wife jumped in and said, after about 20 minutes, she couldn't take it anymore. I had to say, I screwed up. But the point is, I was watching Oprah, and every chick's nuts about Oprah, and her popularity just keeps growing. Unbelievable. My wife's like, wait a minute, you're going to be on TLC? I was like, yeah.

41:24 She goes, Oprah loves you.

41:26 Adam Oh my God, imagine if you were on Oprah. She went, and she just went, it's the most excited person I've ever seen her. That's right.

41:32 Greg Behrendt It's crazy. It's crazy how people enjoy her.

41:35 Adam I could only, well, Drew's been on, I'm the only guy in the room who hasn't been on Oprah.

41:39 Greg Behrendt Get yourself on there. Let me tell you something. Get yourself on there.

41:42 Adam Yeah.

41:42 Greg Behrendt Where it's fantastic.

41:43 Adam You'll move product.

41:44 Greg Behrendt You'll definitely move some product.

41:46 Adam Greg Behrendt is here tonight, the author of He's Just Not That Into You. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

41:58 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

42:01 Loveline will be right back.

42:03 Adam Ready for something new?

42:04 Caller The one and only, Live 105.

42:12 Hey there, buddy.

42:13 Adam Loveline. Um, Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

42:24 Drew Behrendt.

42:24 Greg Behrendt Behrendt.

42:25 Adam No, Behrendt.

42:26 Greg Behrendt Behrendt. Behrendt.

42:28 Adam See, I'm just going to cross out how it's spelled.

42:30 Greg Behrendt I know. It says B-E-H-R-E-N-T.

42:33 Drew B-A-R-E-N-T.

42:34 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. B-A-R-E-N-T. He is the author of, he's Just Not That Into You, co-author, but I'm just going with author tonight. He's also going to be at the Irvine Improv coming up Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This week, got a new deal for a movie, Lookout. And have you thought about anybody or we talked about this?

42:58 Greg Behrendt Yeah, well, I mean, I'm not going to have a say in it, you know. We'll write it and then New Line will make that decision. But I like Ethan Hawke, actually, because it's about a guy who's sort of a guy who hasn't let go of the sort of grunge, slackery thing. And so I think he'd be good. And I saw him on Conan, I think, the other night. I just thought he would be cool, be good for him. And he's funny. I think he's actually funny.

43:20 Adam Yeah. Was he married to Uma?

43:23 Greg Behrendt He was married to Uma.

43:24 Adam Yeah. A little break up. Yeah, he's good. He was good in Training Day, too. And good in Slackers, or what the hell was that movie? What the hell, but the Winona Ryder and...

43:37 Greg Behrendt Reality Bites.

43:38 Adam Reality Bites. Thank you. David?

43:43 Yeah.

43:44 Adam 21?

43:45 Yep.

43:46 Adam What's up?

43:48 First of all, I just wanted to say thanks, Greg, for the book that you wrote. I think all girls should have that.

43:54 Caller Thanks, Dave.

43:55 Drew That's why I have David getting away with his stuff, right?

43:59 Go ahead. Anyway, pretty much what I'm wondering is I have this girl that I've been dating for a while, and I'm just wondering how I can give her the hint that I don't want to be with her anymore.

44:13 Drew See, this is the risk of what you were advocating earlier, which is that the kazoo comes down and tells you dumb dumb, just relax and enjoy yourself. Will you do that? And then you end up like David with the girl going, what's going on here? You're behaving like you're really into this relationship. You certainly aren't straying or going elsewhere. You're not giving me any signs that you want to move along. Well, let's dig in. And off they go. And all of a sudden, David's going, now, how do I get out?

44:36 Adam How long has it been?

44:38 It's been like four years and we were together for a while. We were together for a while. Like, we were like, it was great. Like, probably the best relationship I've ever had.

44:47 Drew You're starting at 17. How many relationships have you had?

44:49 Adam It's a zygote. Look, here's the thing. Do you, why do you want out?

44:56 Caller It's just like the relationship we've gotten away. Like, we moved away from each other and we lived apart for a while. And so I pretty much got over it.

45:03 Adam Like, are you into somebody else?

45:06 Caller I am kind of now.

45:08 Adam Yeah, there's somebody. No, it's not the issue.

45:12 Greg Behrendt Except that it is.

45:13 Adam No, it's like you were thinking about quitting your job that you'd been thinking about for two years and then there was a fire and you fled. This is the fire sale. You're leaving. You're leaving the premises now because of this.

45:26 Drew That's right.

45:26 Adam This is a motivator.

45:27 Drew Yeah.

45:28 Adam Anything, Greg, or is there any trick to this?

45:31 Greg Behrendt I don't think there's a trick to it. I just think that you have to be, I think it hurts no matter what you do it, but you have to realize if you're dragging somebody through the mud and being unclear with them, it's just unfair, and it makes them start to question themselves, and then they want to know why.

45:43 Drew Swift and sure.

45:43 Greg Behrendt Just tell her, yeah.

45:44 Adam And Swift and sure.

45:45 Caller And what? It's impossible.

45:46 Adam It isn't impossible.

45:47 Greg Behrendt Why is it impossible?

45:48 Drew Every man on earth does it. Every woman on earth does it.

45:52 Caller I don't know. I've been as honest with her as I can about anything. I've told her I've kind of been with other people, and I've told her that.

46:00 Greg Behrendt You just got to go, here's how it goes. You just got to go, hey, listen, this is over. I can't go any further, and then we're done, and there's no more phone calls, there's no more.

46:08 Drew Don't torture her with setting things up to make her miserable, to make her leave, to push her away. You must have the way to stand up and say, it is over.

46:18 Greg Behrendt Then don't make plans to call her later, and don't check in on seeing how she's doing, because that's not helping her going, we definitely need like two months.

46:24 Drew Swift and short.

46:24 Adam Don't give that, and who knows what the future holds.

46:27 Greg Behrendt We could grow that. That's just to make you feel better about the breakup, but the real thing is just get out, bro, tell her no.

46:35 Drew That's what's kindest to her.

46:36 Adam You could use my line, which I haven't quoted in a while, which is, it's not you, it's me. I'm not into you.

46:45 Drew I'm no longer into you.

46:47 Greg Behrendt It's not you, it's me. Yeah, I don't enjoy you.

46:49 Adam Yeah, look, short and swift. And here's the thing, too. If you want, all you can do is you can have no, she can't have a kernel of thought about you two getting back together. What you can do is say we're definitely not getting back together. There's definitely nothing wrong with you. You're not an unattractive person and there's nothing wrong with you and you'll be fine. You and I will not be together. Don't beat yourself up.

47:12 Greg Behrendt But don't say I love you but I'm not in love with you. That's the worst.

47:16 Drew This is what's supposed to happen in relationships that begin at 17. That's right.

47:19 Adam This is how Drew said to do it. All right, we'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

47:23 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal. Look in the hook up, call the dateline.

47:26 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

47:28 Adam Call the dateline.

47:29 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:31 Caller Call the dateline.

47:34 1-877-889, date.

47:37 If you need help.

47:39 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:45 Caller Live on F5's Top 105 American Rock Icons.

47:49 Listener Feedback.

47:50 Yeah, this is Mike Plowman from Morgan Hill. I think it's cool the way you guys, you know, you guys weren't being biased or anything. Like you guys really, it's a variety of different artists, you know what I mean, from different types of music.

48:00 Caller Oh, this is Matt in San Francisco. Well, right now you're playing a guy from Stone Temple Pilots ahead of Jim Morrison. I don't know. That's pretty wrong. But I think it's great though, because you guys are mixing it up and keeping it interesting instead of playing the top 40, you know.

48:15 This is Live on O5.

48:17 I'm Bob Schieffer, the CBS Evening News now at 530 on CBS 5. We'll bring you the stories changing lives, the stories that affect us all.

48:27 Weeknights at 530 on CBS 5. The Bay Area News Leader at 11 gives you a new choice at 6. Expand it to a full hour. More in-depth stories with a local perspective. Catch a full hour at 6 o'clock. Weeknights on CBS 5. Eye witness news. Introducing Full Throttle Energy Drink. 16 ounces of **** in a can. Next time you need a lift, go full throttle.

48:55 Caller Warning, under no circumstances should you shake a can of full throttle. If can begins to smoke, put can down, take 10 steps back, cover head and run. Do not stare directly at full throttle. Keep full throttle away from household pets. Do not taunt full throttle. Do not call full throttle by any name other than full throttle. Do not aggravate full throttle. Do not expose full throttle to smooth jazz. Discontinue use of full throttle if any of the following conditions occur. Uncontrolled flailing, profuse swearing, senseless shoulder checking, a false sense of indestructibility leading to serious injury.

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49:42 Caller On Tuesday night, July 12th, don't look to the sky to find the stars, because they won't be there. They'll all be at Comerica Park in Detroit playing in the 2005 Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Watch the Midsummer Classic on Fox and join Terry Francona, manager of the Red Sox, as he leads the American League against the National League in a battle for home field advantage in the World Series. This one counts. And for Terry, the Major League All-Star Game is extra special.

50:07 Caller Hi, this is Terry Francona, manager of the Boston Red Sox. I'm looking forward to the whole thing. Whoever gets selected, there will be some guys who have been on it numerous times. There's going to be some players that are going to be there first time, as like me. And it will be a tremendous honor to say that I'm the manager and our coaches, to say that they're the coaches of this All-Star Game. We'll be very honored for it.

50:24 Caller Hey, fans, you chose your favorite players to write another historic chapter in the biggest game of the season. Now join Major League Baseball's biggest stars as they align in Detroit for the Midsummer Classic on Tuesday, July 12th, 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific on Fox. The 2005 Major League Baseball All-Star Game. This one can.

50:59 Adam Never looked into a stream. Yeah. Greg Behrendt is here tonight. Greg is the author of He's Just Not That Into You, bestseller on the New York Times bestseller list, also Wall Street Journal and USA Today. That, I'd say between USA Today and a Wall Street Journal, you're about covered.

51:18 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

51:18 Adam Because everyone is in between.

51:21 Greg Behrendt Everyone else, yeah, you're absolutely right.

51:22 Adam There's nothing that doesn't, there's no human being that doesn't fall in between the USA Today and the Wall Street Journal. Also, he's going to be at the Irvine Improv this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, working on a sitcom based on this in a movie.

51:38 Greg Behrendt The sitcom thing was based on my stand-up CD and that's no longer happening.

51:42 Adam Oh, but the movie.

51:44 Greg Behrendt But the movie should be coming out sometime in 2006. Yeah, if we get it all done.

51:48 Adam Yeah. Yeah. They're paying you for the script, right?

51:50 Greg Behrendt Yeah. I have another book coming out.

51:52 Drew Oh, what's that about?

51:53 Greg Behrendt My wife and I have a book coming out. It's called A Breakup Because It's Broken.

51:57 Adam Wow.

51:57 Greg Behrendt It's how to recognize that you're actually in a breakup and how to get through it. How to cut to the chase like we were just talking about. You can get out, stay out, move on.

52:05 Adam I should suggest we write one of those with my wife so she takes it. Honey, I'd like to write a breakup book. Is that cool? How do you feel?

52:19 Caller Yeah.

52:19 Drew Let's go ahead and whatever you say.

52:20 Adam Yeah. You ready?

52:22 Caller Yeah.

52:22 Adam Ready to rock?

52:23 Drew Here we go.

52:24 Adam How was it writing a breakup book with your wife though? She didn't feel like-

52:27 Greg Behrendt We did it by email. We sat in the same bed and emailed to each other. It was good because we both had come out of really bad breakups. Right.

52:32 Drew They'd just been through breakups.

52:33 Greg Behrendt Yeah. It was sort of like-

52:34 Adam But she didn't take it as a bad sign or anything.

52:36 Caller That's her idea.

52:37 Greg Behrendt I should make her take it as a bad sign. I really should.

52:39 Drew Oh.

52:40 Adam Oh. Okay. We should write a book about guys who write books who don't know what you're talking about. Write that book, Drew.

52:48 Drew The book, How to Not See the Handwriting on the Wall.

52:50 Greg Behrendt Yeah.

52:51 Adam When you're writing a breakup.

52:52 Drew Yeah.

52:53 Greg Behrendt Fair enough.

52:54 Caller Brittany?

52:55 Yeah.

52:56 Adam You're 18?

52:57 Caller Hi, guys.

52:58 Caller Yeah.

52:58 Adam What's happening? Yeah. You sound hot.

53:01 Caller Yeah. Thank you. Well, the thing is I like guys and girls. And I have this girlfriend. Well, not girlfriend. I have this girl. And we kind of made out in March when we were drunk and she liked it. And we we've made out ever since. And we just we're best friends. We like love each other. We do anything for each other. And I want to know if I how would I go about making her more comfortable with her sexuality. She's never done this with girls before.

53:39 Adam Now you got it. You got a drugger. That's the way to get people to feel comfortable.

53:43 Greg Behrendt That sounds right.

53:44 Drew There was an interesting article in New York Times this morning about bisexuality where it was suggesting it was a pretty well done study apparently that bisexuality doesn't exist in men. That it's as we've always expected.

53:53 Adam Gay with a publicist.

53:55 Drew Gay with a publicist. Gay men trying not to be gay.

53:57 Adam Yeah. It's on your way to gay.

53:59 Drew It's bye bye.

54:00 Adam They're saying bye as a guys. I've always said bye to heterosexuality. It's not bisexual. It's bye. Bye to vagina. Bye bye vagina. Not going to miss you.

54:10 Drew Bye bye vagina sexual.

54:11 Adam Yes. Hello homo. That's really what it is. All right. So yeah, there's no, no, there's no.

54:17 Drew You're a guy.

54:18 Adam You don't just dabble in penis. You're gay. Good enough.

54:23 Greg Behrendt You don't dabble.

54:24 Adam You do not dabble. It's no hobby.

54:27 Drew Though there is a category, a separate category of called men who have sex with men, not gay.

54:31 Adam Well, those are, those are, let me explain something. There's two things. Those are inmates. And those are certain Latin cultures who like, I'm not gay. I was, I was packing his ass. That's not gay. He's gay. He was the guy who was sodomizing was gay. Not me. I'm more man. In a way, I kind of get your argument too. That's a lot of man.

54:51 Drew Semantics.

54:53 Adam Yeah.

54:54 Drew Still gay. All right. And in women, it's a little more fluid. Yeah. Can be some. I would imagine Brittany had some boundary issues growing up. That's what that causes this kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Brittany's on hold. Brittany, did you put her on hold? No, somebody over the other end did.

55:12 Adam Oh, really?

55:13 Drew Because of the crazy noise.

55:14 Adam I don't have a tumor.

55:15 Drew No.

55:16 Adam OK.

55:17 Drew Danny, what's your sort of history like?

55:21 Caller My history.

55:22 Drew Yeah. Why so fluid with your sexual identity?

55:25 Caller Oh, OK. Well, my first kiss was with a girl.

55:28 Drew How old were you?

55:29 Caller And I was very young. I was about seven.

55:32 Drew And how old was the girl?

55:34 Caller Same age.

55:35 Adam That doesn't matter.

55:36 Drew Well, did it become more sexual at that young age?

55:40 Caller No. We'd just hide somewhere and just kiss.

55:45 Adam How sexual is the relationship you're having with your best friend? You say you make out.

55:50 Drew It's just the same thing as just kissing.

55:54 Caller Yeah.

55:54 Drew It's interesting. It's just like it was when she was seven.

55:56 Caller Cuddling too. Cuddling like in bed. Like we wouldn't touch anything, but.

56:00 Adam Well, wouldn't. Now, what about you? When you're attracted to her, how come you don't sort of keep pushing along?

56:07 Caller Well, I kind of I don't know. I just thought myself kind of because I know that she's not comfortable.

56:15 Drew How have your relationships been with men?

56:18 Caller With men? Mm hmm. My last relationship with a guy was for about three years.

56:25 Drew And how was it?

56:27 Caller It was it was good.

56:28 Drew I mean, how did it end?

56:30 Caller It ended because I moved for college. All right.

56:33 Drew All right. There you go. All right.

56:36 Caller Yeah.

56:37 Drew So how to make her more secure? You can't do anything to make her anything.

56:40 Adam You want to say when you say moved for college, you mean the college in your town asked you to leave or you actually want somewhere to go to college and say, I moved to San Diego to go to college. San Diego State?

56:52 Caller No, I got to Grossmont.

56:54 Caller Well, one we don't even know about Grossmont.

56:57 Adam Junior college?

56:58 Caller Yeah.

56:59 Adam Oh, shocking. See, it wasn't too far off. No, college asked her to leave. You left town to go to junior college?

57:06 Caller Yeah.

57:06 Drew And so she left Calexico to go to San Diego. Be fair.

57:10 Adam Where are you going? You know, why did you go in?

57:13 Drew Where did you leave?

57:14 Adam Yeah, where did you leave?

57:17 Caller Why did I leave?

57:18 Drew Where did you leave?

57:18 Adam Yeah, where did you leave?

57:20 Caller Oh, LA.

57:22 Adam LA. Why? I mean, who the hell leaves to go to junior college?

57:26 Caller Oh, because I wanted to go to UCSD.

57:29 Drew Yeah, but you're not going there.

57:31 Caller I wanted to transfer. I needed to get out and just-

57:35 Drew Why did you need to get out? Why did you get out?

57:37 Adam We keep asking why.

57:38 Drew What was going on at Hola?

57:39 Caller Well, I've had, yeah, I've had problems with my mom.

57:42 Drew All right, there we go.

57:43 Adam All right, so a little chaos there.

57:46 Caller Yeah, with her, Herman.

57:49 Drew Oh, did they abuse you?

57:52 No, well, just verbally maybe, but that's all right.

57:57 Adam All right, there's issues here.

57:59 Drew Is mom an alcoholic?

58:01 Caller Who?

58:02 Drew Mom, alcoholic?

58:04 Caller Oh, no, not at all.

58:06 Adam Okay, she's in the lutes. Okay, here's the thing.

58:10 Drew No, not at all become a standard answer of a negative to a question.

58:14 Adam I don't know when the not at all part. I think about the time we're engaged to be married. I think about the time that came into vogue.

58:22 Drew No, not at all.

58:24 Adam The other thing, well, it started with black athletes. Lamont, you had four drop balls and you'd actually gotten 170 yards in penalties. You think that had to do with it? No, not at all. So that's how it started. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No, not at all. Started that one. Where were we, Drew?

58:48 Drew I don't know.

58:49 Adam Here's the thing about Brittany. And by the way, you want to know the difference between men and women. She's in love with this woman, it sounds like.

58:55 Drew Kind of.

58:56 Adam Certainly has a crush on her.

58:57 Drew Yes.

58:58 Adam They lie in the same bed cuddling all night.

59:00 Drew And that's it.

59:01 Adam Man would be moving forward sexually, at least attempting.

59:07 Drew Have to.

59:09 Adam First move would be, see if she could do something. Second, okay, juice them up. Or get some booze going. Gotta get some booze. Right.

59:15 Drew The strange irony is that the women are sort of offended by men trying to move things along, but if a man doesn't try, what's the matter?

59:23 Adam Right. Fat ass.

59:25 Drew Yeah.

59:25 Adam Right. So it's weird though that she just gets the vibe of the chick, not wanting to move along, and that's enough to keep her from moving along.

59:33 Drew You know what? I think this...

59:34 Adam Not really by.

59:35 Drew You know what I think? I think that she actually had a tender intimacy with her friend when she was seven, and she's now left a chaotic home and is looking for that same kind of connection that she can't get with men but found once in the remote past, and really this isn't a sexual thing at all. That's my bet.

59:50 Greg Behrendt So she's actually keeping it from going forward.

59:52 Drew She doesn't want it to go forward. She's interested in that and she will move on to something.

59:55 Greg Behrendt Because the girl's laying there with her and it's consistent. This is not a sexual thing.

59:59 Adam No, this is about finding intimacy. She wants, this is almost a little bit of a Michael Jackson thing, just once a little.

1:00:07 Greg Behrendt The point is, is it really or is that completely different?

1:00:12 Adam Once the cuddle with somebody who's not going to threaten you. You know what I mean?

1:00:17 Drew It's literally a recreation of that cuddling she had when she was seven.

1:00:20 Greg Behrendt Right, right.

1:00:21 Adam Wants to go back to the time before the abusive boyfriends and the chaos and all that, the innocent time.

1:00:27 Drew And get the tender needs met again.

1:00:28 Greg Behrendt Right.

1:00:29 Drew And that's not such, maybe it's adaptive, I don't know. All right. Who, we cannot judge.

1:00:33 Adam It's impossible to judge.

1:00:34 Drew You cannot judge, Adam.

1:00:35 Adam But we can judge about her going to junior college in San Diego to try to transfer.

1:00:39 Greg Behrendt How about that? Yeah.

1:00:40 Adam Yeah. Awesome.

1:00:41 Drew That was all BS, by the way. Why couldn't she transfer from Santa Monica College? Or Pierce College?

1:00:47 Adam Look, here's the deal. People that go to junior college are basically, it's a scarlet letter. It's sort of like, Where's your shirt, by the way? I'm going to wear it tomorrow. Junior college.

1:00:59 Drew Junior college.

1:01:00 Adam Junior college is basically, admitting you go to junior college is sort of the adult, sexual sort of equivalent to having herpes. You know what I mean? There's a stigma there. You know what I mean? You go to an Ivy League school, it's like saying you have a nine inch penis. You go to junior college, like saying you got herpes.

1:01:19 You know what I mean?

1:01:20 Adam That's basically what it is. You should be ashamed, by the way. And it's actually worse than herpes.

1:01:25 Drew Worse, yeah.

1:01:26 Adam Herpes chooses you. You don't choose it.

1:01:27 Drew Herpes burns out with time.

1:01:29 Adam And also burns out.

1:01:29 Drew It goes away.

1:01:30 Adam Well, it's gone after five years.

1:01:31 Drew That's what I'm saying. You're glad you wear it the rest of your life.

1:01:34 Adam Yeah.

1:01:34 Drew It is who you are.

1:01:35 Adam Hold your ears, by the way, engineer Chris. 29. When are you going to be 30? I want you out of junior college before your 30th birthday.

1:01:42 Caller Five years.

1:01:43 Drew Well, no, he's already 30.

1:01:45 Adam Here's the already 30.

1:01:47 Caller No, I'm 28.

1:01:48 Adam Here's the whole thing. I treat junior college like Logan's run. I start I start killing people at 27. That's it. Except for the Asian nursing. OK, my policy on that. All right. So here's my point.

1:01:58 Drew Oh, good. Soylent Green.

1:02:00 Adam Once in a while, somebody goes to junior college, tries to sneak one past people by going out of town.

1:02:07 Drew Right. I'm going away to school.

1:02:09 Adam And then, yeah, they say going away to school, which throws you off because who the hell would go to junior college away from the junior college?

1:02:16 Drew Right.

1:02:17 Adam All right. That's number one. Then oftentimes it's good because it's not in the vicinity. See, people don't know. People know their own crappy. Going to Goodman. Right. If you say go to LA. Valley College or Pierce, everyone lasts their ass off. You go, I'm going to Saddle Peak Ranch. They're like, well, it sounds like a nice school.

1:02:34 Drew But then the comedy is you're going away to a better junior college. The more prestigious, but I did get something out of it, though.

1:02:44 Adam What did you get?

1:02:45 Drew I got my AA. Got the herpes.

1:02:46 Adam Oh, you got it.

1:02:47 Drew Oh, my God.

1:02:47 Adam Hold on.

1:02:48 Drew Oh, my God. Chris, hallelujah.

1:02:51 Adam Yeah. Wait a minute.

1:02:52 Drew Wait a minute. Why didn't you bring that up earlier?

1:02:54 Adam You got your AA.?

1:02:54 Caller Because you didn't talk about it.

1:02:56 Drew What do you mean?

1:02:57 Adam I bash the crap out of junior college every night.

1:02:59 Yeah.

1:03:00 Adam What happened, buddy?

1:03:01 Drew You're done.

1:03:02 Caller I know I talked to my counselor and she said, yeah, I got it.

1:03:05 Drew You're good to go.

1:03:06 Yeah.

1:03:06 Adam Now, it wasn't just one of the sympathy things where she's like, yeah, it's just a double check and this is your transfer thing.

1:03:12 Drew Now, now I got to check out the schools and stuff. I want to see the applications on my desk tomorrow morning.

1:03:18 Adam Where are you going? What are you looking at now?

1:03:20 Drew Harvard. Yeah, of course.

1:03:23 Adam Now, what's the deal? Now, is the world your oyster? What are they looking for now? Their placement test? The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is. You know, it was funny, Anderson, I brought a check for you tonight. I was thinking about giving it to you, but the world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is.

1:03:43 Drew Come on, that was good fingers.

1:03:44 Adam Thinking about giving it to him.

1:03:45 Drew Come on.

1:03:46 You know, what's up?

1:03:48 Drew Where are you going?

1:03:48 Adam Oh, he shut his mind off.

1:03:49 Oh, I don't know.

1:03:50 Drew No, seriously.

1:03:51 No, seriously, I don't.

1:03:52 Drew Well, give me a guess. What are you thinking about going? UCLA, right? Yeah, UCLA. Okay.

1:03:57 Adam Really? Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the only thing that scares me. He went to two-year college for 19 years. If he goes to four-year college, it's going to be at least 38 years.

1:04:07 Caller I just rounded off to 20.

1:04:08 Drew Yeah, but look, at least he'll be at a four-year college.

1:04:10 Adam All right, all right, buddy.

1:04:12 Caller Thank you.

1:04:14 Adam That's awesome. Awesome stuff. Amanda? Hello? You're 17?

1:04:22 Caller Yeah.

1:04:23 Adam What's up?

1:04:25 Caller My girlfriend and I are both addicts. She's going to rehab right now, and I'm really not sure how to be there for her because I'm not in rehab.

1:04:35 Drew You can't be there for her. Here's how you can be there for her. Get yourself sober.

1:04:41 Caller That's the bottom line. I started cleaning up last month.

1:04:44 Drew No, get into a program. You just cleaning up will not do anything for her, if that's the reason you're going to get into sobriety.

1:04:50 Caller You have to be 18 to put yourself in rehab and stuff. My mom doesn't believe that I'm actually using a need to help.

1:04:57 Drew All right, well then start go to some meetings on the outside.

1:04:59 Greg Behrendt You don't have to be an ace to go to those.

1:05:00 Drew All you got to do is have a desire to quit.

1:05:03 Adam Where'd she go, NA?

1:05:04 Drew CA, NA, if you're drinking a lot of A's, it's fine.

1:05:07 Caller NA, CA, AA, all of them.

1:05:09 Drew You go to all of them?

1:05:10 Caller No, my girlfriend sent all of them.

1:05:12 Drew Well, you don't go with her, you go with her, you Amanda. You get a sponsor, you start working the steps, you get well. You're 17, you're already strung out on its math.

1:05:20 Adam Math's the worst.

1:05:21 Greg Behrendt It is the worst.

1:05:23 Drew It's brain damaging. It's going to change you forever.

1:05:25 Adam The only thing worse than math is Mountain Dew. Actually, Sunny Delight is worse than math, actually.

1:05:31 Caller I don't have a ride out to go to groups and stuff because groups are down in Boise and I'm like...

1:05:37 Drew You call AA in Boise and they will come and pick you up.

1:05:40 Greg Behrendt Someone will come get you.

1:05:41 Adam Absolutely. Here's the thing too, Amanda. Think about the resourcefulness of people that are strung out in terms of getting their drugs. Think about how good they are doing it.

1:05:50 Drew Right, how much money you spend.

1:05:53 Adam If someone has no money, no job, no car, no nothing, we'll figure out a way to go out and score in that 45 minutes. Right. All right. Use one-tenth of that to go get yourself some help. That all like, I don't have a ride. So what? You didn't have a ride when you're scoring, you didn't have a ride for anything. You went out and did it.

1:06:08 Greg Behrendt You can do it. Yeah, and in most places, AA makes themselves pretty available to you. So it's very easy to get to any meeting.

1:06:16 Caller Is there like any way that like, for both of us, because we both want to do it?

1:06:20 Drew No, stop with the both. Stop with the both.

1:06:22 Adam I don't understand the both parts. She's doing her work, right?

1:06:26 Caller No, not really.

1:06:27 Adam Well, didn't you say she was in a program?

1:06:29 Caller She's in a program, but her mom put her in, because I made her talk to her mom and ask her for help, because she's in a program.

1:06:36 Drew And that's separate from you, and you need to do some work on your own.

1:06:42 Adam What do you want us to do? Dig a tunnel between where she's at and where you're at?

1:06:47 Drew Not only that, you never treat people in relationships in the same program. You don't do that, because you have to talk about intimate details that you may not feel that comfortable talking about in front of the person that you're having very whatever feelings about.

1:07:00 Adam So do your own thing, Amanda.

1:07:02 Drew Let's go, go together. Chris got it together. Amanda?

1:07:06 Adam Chris graduated from junior college, everybody.

1:07:11 Drew It's interesting.

1:07:12 Adam I let him let him serve as a shining beacon of hope for all you folks out there. Yeah, that's him. Chris, but no ceremony. Was there a graduation ceremony?

1:07:24 Caller No, I think I applied too late.

1:07:27 Drew Yes, the ceremony.

1:07:29 Adam All right. You don't need that. Yeah. You don't need a cap and a gown.

1:07:32 Drew We just gave you that would be for, you know, the university. Well, they don't do that. As you said, they don't have graduation.

1:07:38 Adam Oh, that's right.

1:07:38 They do. They do.

1:07:39 Drew But I was just no cap and gown.

1:07:41 Adam No cap and gown. What do they have? Do they have a ceremony?

1:07:44 Greg Behrendt No, they do.

1:07:45 Caller The cap and gown and everything.

1:07:46 Drew Yeah.

1:07:47 Greg Behrendt It's in a parking lot. It's really informal.

1:07:49 Adam Three weeks ago, they told us he told us they didn't have that.

1:07:51 Drew Yeah. Play the tape back. Don't worry.

1:07:52 Adam That's when I was making a joke about it.

1:07:54 Drew Hey, you know, I was interested about this recovery stuff. I did an interview with some magazine today about the Tom Cruise thing again.

1:08:00 Adam Oh, Bear.

1:08:01 Drew Bear magazine. Yeah. And she was asking a question about, is there anything redeeming what he was saying? I thought, you know, there is something in this idea that people take a pill and it's over stuff. And all too often people don't try to do this spiritual, interpersonal and psychological work that they can't help them grow and change and change their character structure and stuff. And so there's something to be discussed there. And recovery is an inexpensive and free way to do that. You will change.

1:08:28 Greg Behrendt And there are a lot of people in recovery who believe the same things that he, you know, you'll hear people share meanings that.

1:08:33 Drew Well, I think more and more people in recovery understand that, you know, you do speed for ten years, your brain is damaged. You're probably going to be on something to help compensate for that damage. But that the, it sort of misses the bigger picture to, or the more meaningful picture to just stop with taking a medication. There's something much more to be gotten out of life.

1:08:53 Adam All right. Let's talk to Kylie, Kaylee. Kaylee, 27, has a car accident now every time. Pops, a Vibra, what's that say?

1:09:05 Drew I don't know what that's got to say.

1:09:06 Adam Kaylee, Kaylee. Hold on.

1:09:08 Drew Wait a minute.

1:09:08 Adam I had a thought today.

1:09:09 Drew Oh, I know. Really? Are you okay?

1:09:13 Adam It fled, but I kept it for a minute.

1:09:15 Drew Oh, wow.

1:09:16 Adam I was thinking, this architect I'm working with, he always goes by Starbucks before he comes over to my house to talk to me. And then he always holds, you know, you don't realize you go to Starbucks, you get one of these tall things, they're in your hand for about 14 hours.

1:09:29 Drew The venti.

1:09:29 Adam Yeah, you get the massive one, you even wave them around for about three hours. And he's waving it and he's pointing it. And it struck me that Starbucks always writes your name with a Sharpie on the cup. And this guy's name is John. So when he's pointing it at me, he's holding it. I'm thinking of the bathroom, but I'm also thinking John. And I thought, they don't really know what your name is. And I thought, when I go to Starbucks, I'm going to use a name like Dutch, or maybe Duke, or Hondo.

1:09:56 Drew Something when they yell, it'll be ridiculous.

1:09:58 Adam And then I'm going to, no, not that.

1:09:59 Drew But you'll know it'll be you.

1:09:59 Adam No, I'm going to walk around.

1:10:00 Drew It's going to be you.

1:10:01 Adam No, that's not my point. I'm going to walk around during the day.

1:10:03 Drew I got it.

1:10:04 Adam And I'm going to be holding this thing that says Hondo, or Turk. You know what I mean? I'm going to just, and people are going to be impressed.

1:10:11 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:10:11 Adam You know what I mean? I'm gesturing with the thing. I'm home talking to the ladies. They're reading my Starbucks thing, and they're like, Big dicks at my place. Wow.

1:10:19 Drew Big dicks.

1:10:20 Adam I don't know if they're going to write that. Yeah. They can't write.

1:10:23 Drew Big dicks, you say your name is.

1:10:24 Adam Well, they might write dick.

1:10:26 Drew And you know, there are lots of dicks in the room with it. I mean, when you're giving a Starbucks.

1:10:30 Adam I'm just saying, maybe Big Dicky.

1:10:32 Drew OK.

1:10:32 Adam You could do. But I don't think they're going to write, I don't think they're going to write big. I just, I do think they would go with a Turk, or a Dutch, maybe even a Studs, or something like that. Something that was a little more impressive than whatever your name was. You know what I mean? Nickname, spats, you know what I mean?

1:10:50 Greg Behrendt They should just put phrases on there, should just be able to say, could you put caring, sensitive lover on mine today?

1:10:55 Adam Right, that would be a good draw, that would be a good draw too.

1:10:59 Greg Behrendt I mean, you can't, they can't actually tell you that's not your name, if that's what you give them.

1:11:03 Adam They might ask you to produce some identification.

1:11:04 Greg Behrendt I don't have it, it's in the truck. Caring, sensitive lover on my latte.

1:11:08 Adam Really going to need to see a license.

1:11:10 Greg Behrendt I'm going to just have you get me my coffee, really. I don't want to, do you need me to talk to your manager?

1:11:13 Adam Sir, sir, sir.

1:11:14 Greg Behrendt I like to talk to a manager.

1:11:15 Adam It's always bad when you get the three or four sirs in a row. Sir, sir, sir. Three sirs, Drew, you ever got an, I get the three sirs on the airplane a lot. Sir, sir, sir. And then followed with, I'm going to need you to, sir, sir, I'm going to need you to, I need you to go ahead and sit down for me right now, sir. Sir, yeah, triple sir. And by the way though, it means you've arrived.

1:11:37 Caller Yeah, of course.

1:11:38 Adam You're somewhere drunk and you're doing something.

1:11:41 Greg Behrendt Yeah, or it means you're a jerk.

1:11:43 Adam No, not me. Kaylee?

1:11:46 Hi.

1:11:46 Adam What's up?

1:11:48 I got into an accident about two months ago.

1:11:52 Drew Kaylee's from Bakers. Hang on a second, Kaylee. I saw a huge article in like, I don't know, LA Times or something about the Renaissance in Bakersfield. Renaissance.

1:12:01 Adam Renaissance Fair or the actual Renaissance?

1:12:03 Drew No, the actual huge housing developments and middle income folks flocking.

1:12:07 Adam Where are they going to move all the people from Bakersfield? That's my question.

1:12:11 Drew And how they've never had anything like this. It's becoming sort of Main Street to California. So Bakersfield has a symphony and a cultural symphony.

1:12:20 They should move them all out to Oiledale for all the Rednecks live.

1:12:23 Adam Really?

1:12:24 Drew Where?

1:12:24 Oiledale.

1:12:25 Drew Oiledale.

1:12:26 Adam Oiledale. Did the Archies go to high school there?

1:12:30 Greg Behrendt At Oiledale.

1:12:31 Adam Oiledale High School. All right. So Kaylee, you got into a car accident. I look at living in Bakersfield as a car accident.

1:12:40 Drew Yeah, but no, they said pictures, these beautiful housing developments.

1:12:42 Adam She was born there. She was raised there, right, Kaylee?

1:12:46 No, I wasn't.

1:12:47 Adam How long have you been in Bakersfield?

1:12:50 On and off for about the past five or six years.

1:12:52 Drew She should fly the urban flight up to Bakersfield.

1:12:54 Adam Wow. Okay.

1:12:55 Drew Becoming the jewel, the gem of Central California.

1:12:58 Greg Behrendt It's the J. It is. It's the jewel of Central California.

1:13:00 Adam The jewel and the crown of Central California. Kaylee?

1:13:04 Greg Behrendt Yes.

1:13:04 Adam Oh, yeah. You're on the French Riviera. Go ahead, Kaylee. So you got in a car accident. What happened?

1:13:10 Well, I went into the hospital and they found out that I had compressed a disc in my back. And since then, I can't masturbate or have sex because every time I have an orgasm, it pops the vertebrae and it hurts excruciatingly.

1:13:26 Drew That would not stop a man.

1:13:29 And I was wondering if there was anything I could do about it.

1:13:31 Adam Listen, if both knees came out of socket every time you had an orgasm, you still beat off three times a day.

1:13:36 Greg Behrendt You'd actually feel good about it. You'd say, look what I can do.

1:13:39 A girl's got to get her groove on. I don't want to be a nun for the rest of my life.

1:13:43 Adam Mm-hmm. Yeah. You a big gal, Kaylee?

1:13:47 No, I'm not.

1:13:48 Adam Really? Because Kaylee's a big gal name. I don't know why. All right. So meth head, huh?

1:13:54 I'm a redhead. Does that mean anything?

1:13:57 Adam You skinny?

1:13:59 I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat either.

1:14:01 Adam What are you coming in at weight-wise?

1:14:04 Voluptuous, but not fat.

1:14:06 Adam What are you coming in weight-wise?

1:14:07 About 150.

1:14:09 Adam Oh, that's it? How tall are you?

1:14:12 Five foot 11.

1:14:13 Adam Oh, that's nothing. So on this show, we have chicks calling like 275, and they're like, I got some curves. Black guys love me.

1:14:22 It's all upstairs.

1:14:24 Adam Oh, big rack, huh?

1:14:26 Caller Uh-huh.

1:14:27 Adam I like that. All right.

1:14:30 Drew Well, have you talked to an orthopedist or a neurosurgeon about this?

1:14:34 I'm seeing a chiropractor right now and he pops it back in every week, but I just can't be going through.

1:14:43 Drew No, Kaylee, well, there's no popping in and out. I don't know what this is, but...

1:14:48 No, I get realigned twice a week.

1:14:51 Drew Yeah, I mean, realignment is not a popping in procedure unless you have a facet syndrome. Have you seen an orthopedist? No, it wasn't broken, so they... You need to see an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in back or a neurosurgeon, and you need to discuss with that doctor the fact that you have pain with sexual intercourse.

1:15:11 Adam Are you able to work?

1:15:13 No.

1:15:13 Drew You probably would have benefited from some physical therapy, but the popping in and out concept you have is not real. It is not as though when you're having sex...

1:15:23 Do you know how a joint pops?

1:15:25 Drew I understand there's a cracking sound of what not in that trigger's pain, and you might have a facet syndrome, and sometimes a little cortisone right in that facet.

1:15:30 Adam Let me do a little digging. First of all, I'm confused. Are you unable to work because of the accident or because you live in Bakersfield? And they just don't allow people to work. Oh, okay. Because I know they had a policy there against folks getting jobs.

1:15:43 Drew And why wouldn't you be able to work if you're not having pain except when you're having sex?

1:15:46 Because I have seen it other times, too.

1:15:51 Greg Behrendt Like when you have to go to work? Right.

1:15:52 Adam Like when the alarm goes off.

1:15:54 No.

1:15:55 Adam Here's the thing. What is, do you have a type of work that you did before the accident?

1:16:00 I teach.

1:16:01 Adam You teach?

1:16:02 Yes.

1:16:03 Adam Okay. And here's the thing. Are you on any pain medication?

1:16:09 No, no. Not at the current time.

1:16:11 Adam And do you have plans to go back to work?

1:16:14 As soon as I can sit comfortably for more than an hour, it's in the thoracic lumbar junction, is what they tell me.

1:16:22 Drew Now, you need to get some proper treatment, Kelly. You don't even know what you're dealing with here. This doesn't have a name yet, it has a location, but exactly what the anatomy is needs to be sorted out and you need a specific plan of action.

1:16:31 Adam Ever molested, dead, an alcoholic, any good stuff like that?

1:16:35 Drew Yes.

1:16:36 No.

1:16:37 Adam Nothing?

1:16:39 No.

1:16:40 Adam Nothing? There's got to be a reason you're in Bakersfield.

1:16:44 I went to college there because it wasn't close to where my parents lived and decided to stay.

1:16:49 Drew All right, look, get a proper care.

1:16:53 Adam And by the way, here's the thing about a chiropractor, as I've learned later.

1:16:56 Drew I don't problem with chiropractic care, but nothing better. He needs a diagnosis first.

1:17:00 Adam Nothing a good massage can't do. Here's the deal. Here is the deal. You could spend a hundred bucks at the chiropractor, get adjusted for five minutes, or you could give that a hundred bucks to a masseuse and get a nice rub out. You know what I mean? Just rub one out. Just get in. No, I'm not talking about sexual, but I mean, just really get it in there, work it out. The thing about the chiropractor is they get a lot of mileage out of the cracking noises that go on in your body. And here's the whole thing. Do that thing, they crack. I've been to chiropractor a hundred times. You feel good for about 10 minutes and then you're back to wherever you are. I really, I don't find them to be that therapeutic.

1:17:35 Greg Behrendt Is that just the release of air in the joints or something? It's not like a, yeah.

1:17:39 Adam It doesn't actually do anything, I figured out. As much as you cracking your knuckles makes your hands feel better. You know what I mean? Why should it? But that's the whole thing. It's like, they're like, oh, what do we got here? Crack. Oh, you see. You see. Like all of a sudden, the cancer came flying out of your mouth or something. So what, Weisenheimer? You cracked my back. I cracked my knuckle. I cracked my dick.

1:17:59 Greg Behrendt Oh, so good to get rid of that cancer. Thank you.

1:18:02 Adam Yeah. You're allowed to say that?

1:18:04 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:18:04 Adam All right. Well, there's my point.

1:18:06 Drew Crack your penis.

1:18:07 Adam My penis. My point is, is I love the carapace. Listen, here's what's good. And take a nice hot tub, nice sauna and get a nice rub rub down. Spend your hundred bucks. Go to a place. You know what I mean? Much better. All right. Let's, let's take ourselves a break. Drew, what do we got to do?

1:18:25 Drew We're going to go pee.

1:18:26 Adam We're going to pee?

1:18:27 Drew Oh, we got. They want us to do the ladders.

1:18:30 Adam We got to go pee now. Greg Behrendt is here tonight. He's the author of He's Just Not That Into You. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:18:40 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:18:44 Caller The One and Only, Live 105.

1:18:57 Adam Yeah, everybody. It's the Loveline of Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Bobby Brown, allegedly coming in here tomorrow night.

1:19:05 Drew I'm here and he'll be in, and I heard him talking tonight about pulling turd out of his wife's tush.

1:19:11 Adam Yes. I saw the show.

1:19:13 Greg Behrendt They love each other. That's what that's all about.

1:19:19 Drew There it is.

1:19:19 Greg Behrendt Better or worse.

1:19:21 Adam Bobby, I've been seeing, saw his show last week and oh boy, look out. Yeah, I'm not so sure he's going to be in here. We'll see.

1:19:31 Drew We'll see.

1:19:33 Greg Behrendt Didn't he run into the Dalai Lama?

1:19:35 Adam Yeah, he did.

1:19:35 Drew He what?

1:19:36 Greg Behrendt He ran into the Dalai Lama on the street and he said, I'm Bobby Brown, I'm Whitney Houston's husband, and so that would be a reference point for the Dalai Lama.

1:19:44 Adam Oh, pretty big bodyguard fan.

1:19:46 Drew He's going to be on Jimmy's show tomorrow night, so Jimmy's going to. OK, well, shepherd him over here. Shuttle him over here.

1:19:53 Adam We're going to have to tape him to a refrigerator dolly like Hannibal Lecter and drag him behind Jimmy's car over here. All right. So Bobby Brown, I'm looking forward to that tomorrow night. Bobby Brown in here and Greg Behrendt in here tonight. He is the author of He's Just Not That Into You. And he's also going to be at the Irvine Improv this week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's talk to Zoey, who's 21. Zoey?

1:20:24 Caller Hi.

1:20:25 Adam What's up?

1:20:27 Caller Well, I, so I was diagnosed, I had an abnormal top smear and then it was found that I had mild cervical dysplasia. So, which means I have HPV. Right. And I had a boyfriend at the time and we-

1:20:42 Adam Oh, does mild cervical dysplasia mean you have HPV? And you have warts? Yeah. Why?

1:20:47 Drew That's where that comes from.

1:20:48 Caller I never had any warts. I just had an abnormal top smear, which is like-

1:20:53 Adam Oh, well that means-

1:20:53 Drew Which is a sign of the virus. Right.

1:20:55 Adam What's dysplasia? Don't German shepherds get that too?

1:20:58 Drew No, that's a different thing. Dysplasia just means abnormal nucleolar, and the nucleus of the cells look abnormal. They look cancerous, basically.

1:21:07 Adam What's the dysplasia that dogs get in their heads? A hip dysplasia.

1:21:10 Drew Yeah, it's a different thing. It's a mechanical thing.

1:21:11 Adam What way do they call it dysplasia? Dysplasia just means abnormal?

1:21:16 Drew Yeah, let's all look it up during the break. Dysplasia usually means a pathologic. Yeah.

1:21:21 Adam Let's ask our recent college grad to look it up.

1:21:25 Drew Just go to dictionary doctor. I'd spell it. D-Y-S.

1:21:27 Adam Yeah.

1:21:29 Drew Dysplasia. Look it up on the internet.

1:21:31 Caller Yeah, I'm a recent college grad, so I was looking up everything. And yeah.

1:21:35 Drew But it's really this plastic is the thing, that it's abnormal, abnormal plasticity, abnormal growth.

1:21:40 Adam I see. All right, Zoe, go ahead.

1:21:43 Caller So I had a boyfriend at the time, and I mean, I guess it basically means he had it too. Who knows who gave it to who or whatever, but.

1:21:51 Caller Okay.

1:21:52 Caller So now I'm dating a girl, and I was wondering how contagious it is between women.

1:22:00 Drew Like very interesting question, very interesting question. You need to have your own dedicated.

1:22:06 Adam This is the warts.

1:22:07 Drew She's asking if you share.

1:22:09 Caller I never had any warts.

1:22:11 Adam I never had a breakout.

1:22:13 Caller If you share, just quiet train of HPV that doesn't have.

1:22:18 Adam We understand you're not a leper.

1:22:20 Drew Right.

1:22:20 Adam Yeah. I still polluted my book. No, I'm just kidding.

1:22:25 Drew You're highly contagious. You have you can't share toys or anything like that. And any contact of body fluid at the genital level will result in transmission.

1:22:36 Adam But oral.

1:22:37 Drew Oral should be okay.

1:22:38 Adam Yeah.

1:22:40 Drew So there's some question.

1:22:41 Adam Zoe, what are you guys doing physically? What's the regimen?

1:22:46 Caller Well, I mean, we haven't, I haven't like shared any toys, but I mean, we have had oral sex a lot. But I, as far as I knew, I mean that I, I haven't told her. Yeah.

1:23:02 Drew Okay.

1:23:02 Caller As far as I knew.

1:23:03 Drew She probably has it too.

1:23:04 Adam Well, here's, here's the thing. It is not as big a faux pas for a woman, not to say it, than it is for a guy or girl, because that's surely going to be transferred. Right. For a woman, as long as you guys don't have anything that has two ends on it, and sort of a stick shift in the middle, you know what I mean? It looks like a baton, like a police, you know, a policeman.

1:23:27 Drew Got it.

1:23:28 Adam Yeah. As long as you don't have anything like that, you'll probably be all right, but you should still discuss this with her.

1:23:34 Drew Right.

1:23:35 Adam So what do you guys do? Just oral sex? Is that what you guys are into?

1:23:40 Caller Well, I mean, we've used toys, but we've only used our own toys on each other.

1:23:46 Adam Oh, interesting. Yeah.

1:23:49 Caller I mean, I kind of felt like I should do that. I mean, I know I should have told her, but-

1:23:55 Adam That's all right. You're right.

1:23:56 Caller Also, it was about six months ago, so I'm about to go in for another pap smear to see if it's gone away.

1:24:02 Drew No, it takes a few years to go away. The dysplasia will be treated and taken care of, but the warts, even if there's no evidence of it, takes years to go away.

1:24:12 Caller Well, they didn't do any treatment because they said it was very mild.

1:24:15 Drew Yeah, but Zoe, the virus persists for years. And some of them persist permanently, and those are the ones that are associated with the more serious forms of cervical abnormalities.

1:24:24 Adam That's a pretty good idea for a product, I think, just now.

1:24:27 Drew Yeah, by the way, there's gonna be a wart, there's a vaccine, we're on the eve of the wart vaccine. Yeah. That is coming soon, within a couple years.

1:24:34 Adam Yeah. This is basically a dip for vibrators and dildos.

1:24:39 Drew Ooh, like the Barbicide?

1:24:41 Adam Yeah, like the blue stuff, the Barbicide. Dildicide.

1:24:44 Drew Dildicide.

1:24:45 Adam Yeah, write that down.

1:24:46 Drew Yeah.

1:24:47 Adam There's the, it's a kind of, it's what the barber keeps his combs in.

1:24:50 Drew The blue, the blue.

1:24:51 Adam Yeah, I'll make it blue. Yeah.

1:24:53 Drew It's got like a straw dispenser.

1:24:54 Adam Yeah, you pull the whole rack out, it's got a little mesh at the bottom, and it's something that could, you know, nice display.

1:25:01 Greg Behrendt Actually looks good on the countertop.

1:25:02 Drew Right.

1:25:03 Greg Behrendt Yeah.

1:25:03 Adam Folks coming in town.

1:25:04 Drew That's the Barb, beard aside.

1:25:06 Adam The thing is, you know, you don't want the sink. It's got to be stuffed into a sock drawer. God knows, got the last girlfriend's stink all over it. You know what I mean?

1:25:14 Greg Behrendt Just there.

1:25:16 Adam Confident. You know what I mean? And when the person goes to use your bathroom on the first date, it says confidence and cleanliness. Like, there's a confident person here. They're displaying their vibrator. But on the other hand, in a very hygienic way.

1:25:30 Greg Behrendt Yeah. Right.

1:25:31 Adam If I saw that, it'd be like, ooh.

1:25:32 Greg Behrendt It says a lot. It tells a lot about a person right there in one shot. Right.

1:25:36 Adam And actually, like, a few years in the bathroom.

1:25:38 Greg Behrendt It comes in pink now.

1:25:39 Adam Oh, that's good.

1:25:40 Greg Behrendt Yeah, it should be in blue.

1:25:41 Adam Summer water.

1:25:41 Greg Behrendt It should be in there.

1:25:42 Adam It smells like watermelon.

1:25:44 Greg Behrendt Oh, that's nice.

1:25:45 Adam Wow.

1:25:45 Greg Behrendt Yeah, that is nice.

1:25:46 Adam That would be awesome. Drew, write that down.

1:25:48 Drew Yeah, yeah. Done. Done and done.

1:25:50 Adam Done and done.

1:25:52 Greg Behrendt What'd you say we're on the eve of the?

1:25:54 Drew Ward vaccine.

1:25:55 Greg Behrendt That's what I'm gonna call my comedy record.

1:25:57 Adam On the eve of the ward. On the eve of the ward vaccine. Sheena.

1:26:01 Drew No, no, we're taking a break.

1:26:02 Adam We gotta take a break, but let me just say hi to Sheena. Sheena?

1:26:04 Caller Yeah?

1:26:05 Adam 18?

1:26:06 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:26:07 Adam Your boyfriend's seed burns you?

1:26:11 Caller Yeah.

1:26:12 Adam All right. Inside?

1:26:14 Caller Huh? Yeah.

1:26:15 Adam Inside of you.

1:26:16 Caller Only down there.

1:26:18 Drew Good times.

1:26:18 Adam Yeah. Doesn't do anything like in your mouth.

1:26:22 Drew All right, let's finish this call. Are you on the birth control pill?

1:26:25 No, I'm on the patch.

1:26:26 Drew Shot.

1:26:26 Adam Patch.

1:26:27 Drew Patch. All right, quiet.

1:26:29 Adam You wanna finish it?

1:26:30 Drew It's so easy.

1:26:31 Adam Is it?

1:26:32 Drew Yeah.

1:26:32 Adam Oh, easy for you, but not for the millions of people listening at home.

1:26:36 Drew We'll go back.

1:26:36 Adam And at work.

1:26:37 Drew All right.

1:26:37 Adam All right.

1:26:38 Drew We'll go back.

1:26:39 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back with Sheena after this.

1:26:43 Caller Loveline.

1:26:44 Caller Okay. Wait.

1:26:45 Caller Wait.

1:26:46 Caller My hair.

1:26:47 Caller My hair.

1:26:47 Caller We'll be right back.

1:26:53 Caller The one and only Live 105.

1:27:06 Hey everybody, Loveline.

1:27:11 Drew Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. And those of you listening on the East Coast, don't forget Strictly Sex on Discovery Health Channel tonight at midnight.

1:27:20 Adam Excellent program, Greg Behrendt.

1:27:21 Drew I wish that were the case.

1:27:23 Adam That is an excellent program.

1:27:24 Drew The cash register.

1:27:25 Adam Oh, right. Well, you can get change out of there, can't you?

1:27:30 Drew Yeah, yeah, I can. I'm looking at the cash register.

1:27:33 Adam Yeah, right here. Yeah, I'm the cash register. Literally a millionaire, Greg, literally, literally. He's Just Not That Into You, the name of Greg's book and bestseller list. New York Times, Wall Street Journal, also USA Today. Sheena, who we were speaking of and speaking to earlier, has a little burn. Sheena?

1:27:57 Caller Yeah.

1:27:59 Adam And Bobby Brown in here allegedly tomorrow night. You feel a little burning sensation when your boyfriend orgasms after sex?

1:28:09 Caller It feels like more than just a burning sensation.

1:28:13 Drew All right. And that is a function of inflammation of the lining of the vagina. It's not as though there's something wrong with his semen. People always call us and go, boy, I must be allergic. No, there's something going on. Either you have a yeast infection or you have a vaginitis or, and this is something that's often not thought of, you have an estrogen deficiency, perhaps caused by your contraceptive pill. People have a progesterone-estrogen combination, the progesterone may be sort of inhibiting or affecting the estrogenization of the vaginal lining. And sometimes there's something called vagifem, that's sort of this estrogen tablet you can stick in once a week.

1:28:51 Adam Oh, vagifem.

1:28:52 Drew Once a week.

1:28:52 Adam They really need the fem part of the vag?

1:28:54 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:28:56 Adam Let me ask you this, Drew.

1:28:58 Greg Behrendt You know, and I was gonna say, he's just not that into you, which is another way of letting, yeah, if his sperm burns, he's letting it go.

1:29:05 Drew If only there were that kind of biological sort of message.

1:29:07 Adam It'd be awesome.

1:29:08 Caller Right, right, yeah.

1:29:09 Greg Behrendt It's actually just the wrong answer.

1:29:10 Drew Can't hide it.

1:29:11 Adam I let my semen in my talking, sweetie.

1:29:13 Greg Behrendt Here we go. What about, I think that should tell you everything.

1:29:17 Adam What about, where does sperm or semen or the fluid, where does it rank on the sort of pH balance level, you know, saline solution being a zero and just vinegar being a 10.

1:29:32 Drew Yeah.

1:29:33 Adam You know what I mean? Like, get it.

1:29:34 Drew It's much closer to saline, I believe.

1:29:36 Adam But on the other hand, you don't want to get it in your eyes. That for other reasons, you know what I'm saying?

1:29:42 Drew Yeah, I know what you're saying. I'm trying to think.

1:29:44 Adam I mean, someone flicks you with the little saline solution in the eye. It's nothing. You get hit with the little lemon juice. It stings.

1:29:48 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:29:49 Adam I think if you get hit with semen in the eye, I think it stings.

1:29:52 Drew We could check. I think it's a little acidic.

1:29:53 Adam Chris, does it hurt when you get hit?

1:29:56 Drew What does dysplasia mean, by the way? Dysplasia means abnormal cells. No kidding.

1:30:01 Caller Abnormal development or growth of tissues, organs or cells.

1:30:05 Drew Okay.

1:30:05 Adam All right. That's all that means. All right. And what about the semen question? Don't duck, literally, the semen question.

1:30:12 Drew No, no, right now, don't duck.

1:30:13 Adam Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, it stings people's eyes if it hits you in the eye, right?

1:30:18 Drew I don't know that, but it sounds like you've got some experience. So I'm going with it.

1:30:22 Adam I've seen enough porn to know that it's just, you know, there's some lights in there.

1:30:27 Drew I think the pH is a little below saline, but I don't know that for a fact. So we can look that up.

1:30:30 Adam Yeah. You know, really screwed porn for chicks? The first one that did the facial, you know what I mean? Because that opened the floodgates. It's now, all right, now this is the way it all goes.

1:30:40 Greg Behrendt It was industry standard.

1:30:41 Adam Right. There was a chick in 1968 who got high enough to agree to, because before that it was enough that they were just doing porn. You know what I mean? Like, hey, you know, in the 50s, you know, like, hey, we'd like to film you guys having sex. That was a tall enough order. At some point, some chick, they said to her, look, he's gonna need to finish on your head. And every other chick up until that point was like, are you crazy? I have, you know, I may not have high more values, but I have my dignity, I'll get my agent on the phone. All that, and eventually one chick went, yeah, all right, give me an extra 10 bucks, I'll do that. And now, that's it. It became the standard. This is what the NRA is worried about, by the way.

1:31:25 Drew Of course. Yeah, you take away the banana clips and-

1:31:27 Adam And all of a sudden, they want your sporks.

1:31:30 Drew Right.

1:31:30 Adam Right? That slippery slope.

1:31:32 Drew Yes.

1:31:32 Adam Slippery semen covered slope.

1:31:34 Drew Here's my question.

1:31:35 Adam That's the name of the new-

1:31:36 Drew What's this gonna look like in 50 years?

1:31:38 Adam What's what gonna look like? The porn? Finishing on the head?

1:31:42 Drew Well, what's next? Where are you guys going?

1:31:43 Adam Oh, where are we going? Oh, I got it planned out. I should show you my plan. I got a diorama on my belt. I should show that to you.

1:31:52 Drew We're just sitting on a tour. Everything goes around.

1:31:55 Adam Here was born in the- The year is 2000. It's a little muddy. The VO is a temp VO. I'm still working on that.

1:32:02 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:32:03 Adam Yeah, it's going to be awesome, Drew.

1:32:05 Drew The number here is 1-800-LOVE-191. Is there a part of the future? Or is just the technology going to change? Are the behaviors going to evolve?

1:32:14 Adam I don't know. I imagine it'll take a turn for like- Remember, whenever things start to spin out, like when the hippie movement, when the bell bottoms, when the sort of guys with long hair and holes in their jeans and chicks got grungy enough, like not wearing makeup and just everyone grew their hair out and everything, eventually there was a preppy trend.

1:32:38 Drew Oh, right.

1:32:38 Adam Eventually, it swung back.

1:32:40 Drew So we're going to go to some more traditional kinds of-

1:32:43 Adam Well, it's interesting. Guys in sailor outfits, chicks with their hair up in bouffants. I'm just saying, what ended up happening is when we got to our grungiest, you know, in like 1977, 78, when things really just- People just started wearing ponchos and boots around and no one got a haircut. Everyone just looked like a flea bag. So eventually, that led way to polo shirts and penny loafers and, you know, well, makeup and pearls. Women start wearing pearls. Yes. You know what I'm talking about? Yes.

1:33:16 Drew Yes.

1:33:16 Adam Also, no, guys look like, you know, guys from, you know, 50s instructional videos.

1:33:21 Drew Right. We're going to do that with the porn.

1:33:23 Greg Behrendt So porn is going to go back to women wearing pearls?

1:33:26 Adam I think what happened, in a way, I think, I think.

1:33:30 Drew Oh boy.

1:33:31 Adam What ends up happening is when stuff spins out far enough, it, here's what it is. It's always about rebellion.

1:33:39 Drew Yeah, but this seems like something so animalistic that it's like out of control. The government will have to bring it back.

1:33:44 Adam Well, maybe, but again, getting back to the preppy versus hippie, what is, when everyone's got a beard down to their knees and hair down to here and wearing jeans with a thousand holes in it, Rebellion is a short haircut.

1:33:58 Drew Right, right.

1:33:59 Adam You know, when this becomes the norm, then whatever isn't the norm becomes rebellion.

1:34:04 Drew Right, right.

1:34:05 Greg Behrendt Do you think they'll create a whole line of now, like new porn where people actually never actually have sex? It'll go the complete opposite thing, where two people will go, will just be people on camera with the potential of having sex but never get to it.

1:34:16 Adam No, I think the guys are going to finish on themselves.

1:34:22 Greg Behrendt Or maybe it'll be guy, or it's guys watching, your porn is guys watching porn. Ooh, ooh, ooh. It's a guy, yeah.

1:34:34 Adam Seductive.

1:34:34 Drew Commentary on the state of humanity.

1:34:36 Greg Behrendt Right.

1:34:36 Adam It's always nice when the guys are doing the double porn, you know, and they're trying to do, well, it's two guys on a chick.

1:34:43 Drew Oh, right.

1:34:43 Adam And they're trying to finish off, first off, that timing. Talk about amazing. You know what I mean? I'm trying to sink my scrotum up with anything.

1:34:53 Greg Behrendt And those guys don't get the credit they deserve. It's like a dance.

1:34:57 Adam They just don't get the credit they deserve. There's two of you, you're over the same chick, and you're trying to crescendo at the same time. Now, here's the thing. Your job is to finish at the same time. You're staring down the business end of Ron Jeremy, who also has the same goal. You know what I'm saying?

1:35:14 Drew Yeah, I hear you.

1:35:15 Adam Once in a while, there's a little rogue shot that makes it on to the other guy. That's where I would need my money.

1:35:23 Drew Anderson, come on.

1:35:24 Adam That's where I would need my money.

1:35:25 Drew There should be insurance for that.

1:35:31 Adam That'd be an interesting thing. You take it, you remember at the airport? You get that little insurance.

1:35:35 Drew Yeah, you take out a little travel insurance.

1:35:36 Adam Yeah, you do that for porn insurance.

1:35:39 Drew Yeah.

1:35:39 Adam Yeah, of course, they'd have to do a little DNA swab thing just to make sure you weren't trying to kill the system. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

1:36:07 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:36:25 Adam Well, that's the night, that's the show. Bobby Brown, theoretically, in here tomorrow night. Let's just assume he's going to be here until told otherwise. He's doing Kimmel, and Kimmel will do his best to get him over here. So Bobby, tomorrow night. Greg, thanks for coming in tonight.

1:36:43 Caller Yeah, thank you guys.

1:36:44 Adam Quick plug for Greg. He doesn't need the book plug, but July 7th through the 10th, that's Thursday through Sunday at the Irvine Improv. Check him out doing his stand up all this week. Thursday on. Thanks, Greg. Appreciate it. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:04 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:37:08 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, July 5, 2005