Episode 1000713138199

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1. The guest tonight. The guest is the love the two hosts find between each other.

1:32 Drew The blossoms flourish.

1:35 Adam Yeah, I'm a sensual man, Drew. I don't know if you've heard of that. Very sensual.

1:41 Drew Let me get this done with here, please. iTunes giveaway. First 10 callers that are over 18 tonight win an iTunes gift card valued at $99. First 10 of you. Come on, now.

1:50 Adam I got one of them iTunes put my car today.

1:53 Drew Oh yeah, that you got to get the hardwire thing. Oh, nice.

1:56 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Big sign on the street says 99 bucks hardwired in your car. $486 later. I got one. I can't work. It's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. You know, you know, you know, you get the phone call. Where do you want the where do you want the iPod itself in your car?

2:20 Drew What?

2:20 Adam Where do you want the iPod in your car?

2:22 Drew You mean like they're going to put it anywhere?

2:23 Adam Yeah, I'll put it anywhere. Where do you want it? I put it in the little console in between the two seats. I'll put it in the little thing that flaps up in there. Yeah. All right. Go pick the car up. There's a cord just sitting on the passenger seat. So the iPod is just sort of floating around the passenger seat. Here's my problem. And here's why it's great doing business with me. I'm always in a hurry and I can always go back and fix stuff myself. See, if I were you, I'd have to wait there and say, you got to I just look at it and go, screw it. I'll drill the hole. I'll push a thing through.

2:53 Drew It wasn't even coming out of the center.

2:55 Adam No, it was just it's just sitting on the passenger seat.

2:57 Drew Oh, man.

2:59 Adam I don't even mind except for the part where they ask. You know, that part of life. How would you like this? I'd like it this way. All right. Not going to get that. Yeah. How'd you like that tuna cooked? Actually, I just like it rare. All right.

3:14 Drew It comes well done.

3:14 Adam Well done.

3:16 OK.

3:17 Adam Chris, well, let's see what happened here.

3:21 Drew Oh, I see.

3:23 Adam Trucey's. Oh, Savannah.

3:26 Yes.

3:27 Adam It's awesome that your family named you after a dead porn star.

3:32 Drew She wouldn't know that. That was 20 years ago. She dated, I believe, dated Polly Shore.

3:39 Oh, yeah.

3:40 Adam Yeah. Yeah. The wheeze. Yeah. Yeah. He's a really funny guy, Polly Shore. I saw him walking down some red carpet once and on TV and he was with Savannah. And somebody put a microphone in and said, where did you two meet? And he said, planet wheeze. And I thought, wow, that's some that's some good stuff.

4:02 Drew Does he have a new show? I know he's sexually addicted and he's trying to overcome that.

4:06 Adam I have no idea. Some guys I'm working with on my show said they worked on his show. Yeah, it's good times. Well, planet wheeze, you can't do better than that. Not in the comic, not in the comedy department.

4:18 Drew If you had that rejoinder, would you use it every time?

4:20 Adam Oh, if I labeled myself the wheeze, it would be planet wheeze, my world the wheeze. You know what my car would be? The wheeze mobile. Sure. You want to go to the wheeze pad? That's my house. This is where the wheeze lays his head. That's the bed. You know what I mean? Take a dip in the wheeze pond. That's the pool. It's all some funny stuff. Planet wheeze.

4:42 I got you.

4:43 Adam That's great. Savannah?

4:46 Yeah.

4:47 Adam You're 17?

4:48 Caller Yes, I am.

4:49 Adam What's up?

4:50 Caller I am addicted to, well, I don't know if I'm addicted, but I've-

4:53 Adam You know what? It's amazing. It's bizarre that a guy like Shore's having a little trouble getting back on track career-wise with the wheeze. You know, it's great stuff. I don't think you can hold them down much longer. You know what I mean? I think the man can hold him down much longer. You can't hold back that kind of material. Planet wheeze? No way.

5:14 No way.

5:15 Adam Savannah?

5:16 Caller Yeah.

5:18 Drew So you're addicted to something?

5:19 Caller I've been taking, there's times when I take up to 25 oxycodones at a time. Wow.

5:26 Adam What's the difference between oxycontin and oxycodone?

5:28 Drew Oxycodone is Percocet. It's a shorter acting. Boxycontin is a long acting version of oxycodone.

5:33 Adam I'll take one of each. Play it safe.

5:35 Drew Yeah, you could.

5:35 Caller Yeah. I take it with hydro morphine sometimes.

5:38 Adam Smart lady.

5:40 Drew So what are we going to do here? So that's severe opiate addiction.

5:43 Adam They'll be dating Paulie Shore in a few weeks.

5:45 Drew So what are we going to do here?

5:46 Caller I don't know. I mean, I haven't took it for a while, but there's these times where I feel I have to do something. I'm starting to get very depressed.

5:57 Adam Where do you get 25 oxycodone a day? Like I couldn't get a goddamn fruit roll up when I was 17. Do you understand? I couldn't get a combination burrito when I was 17. Where do you get 25? There's no way I couldn't get like generic Robitussin. Where do you get this stuff? Where do you have the money who gives it to you? Who do you know?

6:20 Caller There's a family member in my family who has cancer. And I feel like-

6:24 Drew You rip them off.

6:25 Adam Oh, you rip them off.

6:26 Caller I'm totally setting my path to hell. I'm in my own hell.

6:29 Drew Well, you're already there. You don't have to worry about setting the path. You're there. And so, Savannah, look, you've got to talk to a mental health service provider who's used to dealing with severe addiction.

6:40 Caller I mean, I'm sitting in my room alone, listening to bittersweet symphony. It's tearing me down. I don't want to do this without-

6:47 Adam That's a song.

6:48 Drew Look, Savannah, you need help. You're not going to be able to overcome this by yourself. This is a disorder. It's active. It's a severe illness. It has a horrible prognosis. It's like if you had cancer or heart disease or anything else, you need to get help with this. OK?

7:01 Adam Well, hold on. I still have a few more questions.

7:04 Caller Go for it.

7:05 Adam How do you rip off 25 oxycodones from one- I mean, if your entire family had cancer, if one family member has cancer, you get 25 a day.

7:14 Drew And you just notice it.

7:16 Caller I am a master manipulator. I'm a very good liar.

7:19 Adam No, hold on a second.

7:21 Drew You still don't get it.

7:21 Adam No matter how good you are, what I'm saying is-

7:24 Drew What does he miss? Is there a 10,000-pill bottle that you're taking 25 out of?

7:28 Adam He gets, you know those 55-gallon barrels that keep the peanuts in it at Dodger Stadium?

7:32 Drew Yeah, with the bottom above.

7:34 Adam No bottom on this one. He gets one of those wheeled in by a nurse and a busty nurse in a candy-striper suit every day. And she just digs a big handful of them.

7:42 Drew Oh, and the handful is a big scooper. Those big giant scoops.

7:45 Adam She fills a paper bag. How many of those do you eat? And by the way, if you're in whatever stages of cancer, there's still 25 is, you know what I mean?

7:55 Drew Right, he would miss that generally.

7:56 Caller Yeah.

7:57 Drew How come your grandfather, the question then becomes, Savannah, how come your grandfather doesn't miss the pills you're ripping off? Let me ask you this, what was that? Are you calling in prescriptions on his behalf?

8:12 Caller No, I'm not.

8:14 Adam Well, okay.

8:16 Caller It's confusing, okay?

8:17 Adam It's confusing because you're not giving us any answers. Does he get more than 25 a day?

8:23 Caller No, he gets them every month, 125.

8:27 Adam All right, that's five days for you a month.

8:31 Caller Yeah, but I mean, I try not to, I even them out usually.

8:34 Adam So you take a two and a half day supply per month, that leaves you with 26, 27, 28 more days that you've got to fill out. How do you get it?

8:43 Drew She's not using every day.

8:44 Adam Not? I thought you said she was taking 25 a day.

8:47 Drew She will take up to 25.

8:49 Adam And then take a week off?

8:51 Caller Well, just depending on how many is left.

8:53 Drew The reason you're confused, here's the thing about-

8:55 Adam Well, the reason I'm confused is because I'm talking to a white chick about math. You know what I'm saying?

8:59 Drew I said under 18 sometimes-

9:01 Adam Ironically, if she was Asian, she wouldn't be strung out, but we could have the math conversation. Very ironic.

9:06 Drew Opiate addiction under 18 has a different manifestation. They go on and off it much more easily. Something about the developing brain under the 18. For instance, I've treated heroin addicted, strung out heroin addict 16 year olds who have no withdrawal. They stop, they walk away, no withdrawal. Now they always go back because the drive systems are there. They're still addicted, but they don't have the dependency and the withdrawal problems. So that's why it's confusing. You take 25 and then none. That's how teenagers sometimes use opiates. But the problem is she's severely depressed, she's severely destructive, she's ripping off opiates. She's an opiate addict regardless of whether she's using them every day or not. You need help, Savannah. Please get help with this. Please, please, please. This is a horrible situation you're in. It's treatable, but you don't have to suffer like this, alright?

9:51 Adam Alright, just go get some help. It's her parents' fault for naming her Savannah. You're just asking for trouble, aren't you?

9:59 Yeah.

10:01 Drew Hey, but good times.

10:02 Adam Do I look any different, Drew?

10:04 Drew Oh, you have to do teeth.

10:05 Adam No.

10:05 Drew No. What?

10:06 Adam Just because we're talking about teeth, that's it.

10:08 Drew You didn't shave. That's the only thing I know. I didn't shave. You shaved last night. You didn't shave tonight. That's different.

10:14 Adam I didn't shave last night. I shaved a couple days ago. A few days ago.

10:17 Drew Do you want me to answer your goddamn question or not? I'm trying to think of things that look different tonight.

10:21 Adam I know, but you're saying I haven't shaved.

10:22 Drew That's what it looks different. That's the only thing I can see it looks different. Anything else I should notice?

10:25 Adam That's like saying a porcupine has quills.

10:27 Drew You know what I mean?

10:31 Adam No, no. You're talking about shave. I would never ask you what looks different about me. Here's the thing about Drew. Let me tell you something. You make a horrible detective. He, meaning me, who never shaves, would never come in here with three days growth and say, what looks different about me?

10:46 Drew But you're someone who's, whenever I say no or I don't know, freak out. I'm trying to say something positive. I'm trying to say, well, that's all I see.

10:52 Adam You didn't shave. It's not exactly something positive. I wouldn't ask you. But here's the thing, you got a deductive reason. I would never ask you. I look like this every single night in my beard.

11:02 Drew I don't see anything different from the routine.

11:03 Adam Okay.

11:04 Drew From last night.

11:04 Adam Got a facial. Got a facial. Got my eyebrows waxed.

11:08 Drew A huge difference.

11:09 Adam Big difference. Looks great.

11:10 Drew Huge difference.

11:11 Adam Do you love it?

11:11 Drew Thank God that you and your wife, your wife spent so much time with that spot.

11:15 Adam Tell me you love it.

11:15 Drew I love it. You glow. You glisten.

11:17 Adam I do. I know. You know what I love? Here's where I realized where I was getting this facial. And the world has convinced, we've convinced women that they have, that there's products that can actually change them or save them or protect them or do really anything. So far, the only thing I've figured out works is sunscreen and Nyquil.

11:37 Drew Can I share?

11:38 Adam And maybe Chapstick.

11:39 Drew Let me share a similar story with you. I think I've had two facials in my life. And the one, this woman is sitting there, gives me like a 30-minute diatribe while she's giving me, you've got to do this and this product and this.

11:48 Adam You've got to do that, you've got to do this.

11:50 Drew And she goes, oh, yes, I know. I've had horrible acne, I've had adult acne. I go, really? Oh, I use this, I use that. And she goes, yeah, it's all awful. Until I got an Accutane that took care of it.

11:58 Adam Yeah.

11:58 Drew It's like, wait a minute. It's a half hour of your nonsense.

12:01 Adam No product.

12:02 Drew And Accutane, that was it. It was over after that.

12:04 Adam I know. I had to explain, please listen, ladies. The woman's like, oh, you have nice skin. What do you do? I say, I don't even use. She's like, well, you don't use bar soap, do you? I'm like, no, I don't use any soap. I don't use cleaning. I don't use cleaning products.

12:22 Drew Mr. Clean, around around. Diff water soap.

12:27 Adam I wash my ears when I wash my face. When I do Kimmel and they put makeup on me or I do some TV show, they put makeup on me and I put all that hair goo in. I go take a shower and bust out the shampoo. I put a little extra dollop in my hand and wash my face with the suave shampoo. That's how it works. Other than that, there's no exfoliating, there's no hydrating, there's no cleansing, there's no nothing. Nothing. And as far as the makeup goes, that takes three days to wear off. Because I see it on the towel three days later. They've never used anything ever.

13:02 Drew But you got a half hour dissertation on this though tonight, no doubt. And all the products you should be using.

13:06 Adam Oh, you should be using. Before you go to bed, you moisturize, and then you put a glad bag on your head, and you tie a rope around it. You fill the glad bag with the essence of papaya and Vaseline, you put the black bag, I think she's trying to kill me. You put a zip to garden hose, you wrap around the thing.

13:25 Drew German woman with a heavy axe head, who was the professional?

13:28 Adam No, no, she was Renee Zellwiger from Jerry Maguire.

13:33 Drew Perfect.

13:34 Adam That's really what she was.

13:35 Drew Got it.

13:36 Adam And I just kept saying there, you don't, I mean, I know, you know, I don't want to freak out. I don't want to discuss you. I, you know how long it takes me to go through a bar of soap? It takes me about three years to go through a bar of soap. And it usually just withers on the vine, eventually falls through the drain. And shampoo-wise, I got the same shampoo I've had six years ago.

13:53 Drew For the purposes of our listeners.

13:54 Adam I ran this off.

13:55 Drew The purposes of our listeners, no hyperbole. No, no, this you.

14:00 Adam Yeah, I shower two times a week.

14:03 Drew Not as it's not a not a anything on your skin. Not a wrinkle.

14:08 Adam Well, whatever it is, is what it is. But I never it never has been touched by anything. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes.

14:14 Drew And were it to be, it'd still be the same thing.

14:16 Adam It would be exactly the same. Exactly the same. Yes. You know what she did? She steamed my face and then squeezed a couple of blackheads on my nose, which weren't even blackheads, just as little snakes you get, which immediately fill back up the next day. So I'm starting to think God wants them there. Maybe that's just really that's just God's a little Rubik's Cube for you to play with, like when you're prison or something. Yeah, it's a toy. Snakes in your nose. But that was about it. And I just realized, look, it's like it's nice. You know, zits, everything now. Genetic, your weight, your hair, everything, everything. And there's a multi billion dollar business trying to convince everyone they can do something when they can't. People who have bad skin have bad skin. You can go in to you can start getting pharmacology involved now. Yeah. Now. But you eating fried food, you eating chocolate, you not drinking enough water, you're not hydrating enough. That's why. And it's so pompous for people who do have nice hair or nice skin or nice abs or nice anything to explain to the rest of the world who didn't get a very good hand out to them what they're doing wrong. Because do the math. I'm doing it right. Look at me. Not as it. Look at you covered with sits. You're doing something wrong. And in a way, if you take it a step further, it's like, well, you're being punished. Look at you. You're being punished because look at your bad skin. Look at your belly. You're eating bad food. You're not exercising. You're not hydrating.

15:47 Drew Roll it back 500 years.

15:48 Adam And now what?

15:49 Drew Look what you get. That's how they thought. It's the same basic thinking.

15:52 Adam Yes, it's now.

15:53 Drew You're the devil. The devil's possessing you. Are you doing something? You know, you're doing something. God's punishing you or whatever.

15:59 Adam That carbuncle on your forehead that just winked at me. But you deserve it because you're lazy.

16:03 Drew Isn't there something crazy, primitive about men, humans that make them do that, right? Yeah. We can stop.

16:09 Adam Oh, look at that fat ass. So lazy, fat slob, slob. Yeah. Yeah, Drew. So I, I found out I have combination skin with an oily T-zone. Oh, I'm your biggest nightmare in that place. I literally wash, I wash my face once a month with shampoo. Do you understand?

16:32 Drew Good times.

16:33 Adam My wife has seventy thousand dollars worth of crap that I bought sitting in her bathroom. That's all made. Oh, oh, you know, how many cucumbers she has stuffed? Oh, they go for that crap. Oh, no. Oh, please. No, you can't. And when you hear when I hear, oh, you can't get this stuff at the ride. And I just she ching ching. You got to go ching. You have to charter jet to a French ching ching. It's like it's it's it's it's all just nonsense. It's all BS. If you get it's genetic. Go go get on Accutane. Go ask for some pill. That's about it. All right. All right. There you go, everybody.

17:15 Drew But the lasers, the phototherapies, something that do work, by the way. But then it goes are medically managed.

17:19 Adam You got to get you got to start scraping and cutting and scratching.

17:23 Drew You got some real serious intervention.

17:24 Adam You rubbing something that smells like papaya on your face doesn't do. And by the way, when you look at all those stupid products, first of all, you know, once a year John Stossel pipes up and says, does a little test with the, you know, $2 shampoo versus the crap Sarah Jessica Parker uses for $18.95 an ounce. Always the same crap. It's always the same. And this one has a essence of papaya. But here's the deal. It's one tenth of one percent of papaya. It is whatever whatever the picture is on the thing. It doesn't even contain contain any of that. Or if it is, it's it's unmeasurable. Yes, you know what it contains 99 percent of? The stuff that's in the two dollar stuff. That's what it's 99 percent of, you idiots.

18:09 Drew And whatever, by the way, it does have that one percent of is simply something to catch your attention. There's no evidence it does. Jack.

18:16 Adam Well, who decided papaya was good for cleaning hair? Do you know what I mean? Go go buy a papaya and rub it on your head. See how you feel the next day. Wake up the flies on your head. Oh, you people. Michelle, you're a lesbian. You don't fall for all that crap, do you?

18:32 I use bar soap.

18:33 Adam Yeah, bar soap on your head, right?

18:35 Drew On everything. Yeah.

18:38 Adam Too much information. Yeah. Hope it's got a rope on it, baby, so you can get it back. Yeah, you put knots in it and you mark the twine. You put knots on it to say you can tell the depth.

18:56 Drew You're feeding it.

18:57 Adam You feed it in. That's where knots comes from. That's how you know how fast your vagina is going.

19:02 Drew Oh, there we go. Karen, what's up, Karen?

19:04 Adam Mark the twine. Mark Twine got his name, Drew.

19:07 Drew Plum Line.

19:08 Adam Yeah. Go ahead, Karen. Yeah.

19:11 Hi. My boyfriend has been... Well, we have a really good sex life, but he's been wanting to have a three-way.

19:18 Drew Twenty-five, Karen. You sound like you're about 14. What's going on?

19:22 Oh, I guess I'm just nervous. No, Karen. Anyway, I know it can cause problems in a relationship.

19:31 Drew Then why would you consider doing that?

19:33 Well, he was willing... Well, I'm interested in being with a woman. I never have been. And he would be willing just to watch, but...

19:42 Drew Oh, Karen, what is up with you? Something not so good. Are you on medication? What are you taking?

19:51 I'm taking, uh, Wellbutrin.

19:55 Drew That's it?

19:56 Um, yeah, I'm just really nervous.

19:58 Adam No, there's a lot of... Depression and depression.

20:02 Drew So you're depressed. Anything else? Do you have, like, a personality problem they've given you a diagnosis of or anything?

20:06 What kind of problem?

20:08 Drew I don't know. Anything else the doctors have told you about? Other than depression?

20:14 Uh, well, I have anxiety attacks.

20:18 Drew Yeah, and depression. And what else? Have you been hospitalized before?

20:25 No.

20:26 Adam Karen, you're not getting enough papaya on your head. I think that's it.

20:30 Drew All right, well, Karen, here's the deal.

20:31 Adam You gotta use more cucumber.

20:32 Drew All that curiosity and all that stuff is either a... You're 25. You're not 16. If you were 16 and saying this, we'd say, oh, you're probably lesbian, you're having trouble with dealing with that, not wanting to be, or whatever. But 25 in a monogamous relationship, it's like, you're trying to create hell, create chaos in a relationship. Why?

20:51 Caller Okay, I guess, well, yeah, I guess I didn't really want to do it, but...

21:02 Drew Hoo-wee.

21:03 Adam What? Listen, Karen, forget about all this stuff. What's going on?

21:08 Drew How's your life going?

21:11 Caller I don't know, not that well. I guess I'm kind of at a point in my life where I don't know what I want to do next.

21:17 Drew Do you work?

21:20 Caller Right now, I'm not working. I got a degree in psychology.

21:24 Adam Yeah.

21:25 Caller And, well, my parents are, I moved back in with my parents because they're older.

21:34 Adam It's gonna be a nonstop party over there. I'm just picturing you just like on the Lido deck of the love boat, you know what I mean? The conga line. I'm picturing just a fiesta over there dancing on the ceiling.

21:47 Drew I know I heard a drum.

21:48 Adam Yeah, Roomba.

21:49 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

21:51 Adam Yeah. Metal drum. Karen, here's the thing. Okay. Sorry. Okay. You sound really depressed and just like you're on the verge of crying with almost every syllable and you just seem like a full blown bummer.

22:10 Drew And I don't know if you got to, like, You're bumming us, but you're yourself. No, no, I don't care, but yourself and everyone around you and, And the threesome's not going to bring a spark in your life.

22:20 Adam It's not going to do anything for you. You have much bigger fish to fry. So how about some therapy?

22:28 Caller Yeah, it probably would be a good idea.

22:32 Adam Yes.

22:32 Drew New medication.

22:33 Adam Get your medication adjusted and get some therapy.

22:36 Drew Strangely, on this Discovery Health show I'm doing tonight, is How to Ruin Your Sex Life. I just started, you know, I started, they asked me, well, how would you ruin, turn me up?

22:45 Adam Yes. Get closer to your mic.

22:46 Drew And the one thing that, one of the things I wanted to bring out was, Papaya. Threesome's. Threesome's is cheating and stuff.

22:52 Adam I saw that. I watched your show tonight.

22:54 Drew Oh my goodness. I'm shocked.

22:55 Adam I had my earphones on, but it looked good.

22:57 Drew All right, thanks. And it's on at midnight, Discovery Health Channel.

23:00 Adam Yeah, it's on, I don't know, I saw it on the satellite at like 9, 930.

23:03 Drew It's on 930, too, locally here in Los Angeles.

23:05 Adam Did it run two of them?

23:06 Drew Yeah, it ran twice for the time being.

23:08 Caller Well, satellite stations all have it three hours ahead.

23:12 Adam Yeah.

23:13 Drew So wherever you're watching it, it's in two hours. No, it's actually, there's two feeds on Wednesday nights. But be that as it may, we need to-

23:20 Adam Well, oh, okay. So it runs out here at nine and midnight.

23:23 Drew Yes, correct.

23:24 Adam Okay.

23:25 Drew For the time being. All right. And I just think that people that try to sort of spark things up by cheating because they think that there's not, you know, they sort of get these impulses to do these things that are so unhealthy under the guise of, well, we really need to, you know, I need to spark things. I mean, to do things. I'm feeling not right. I got to- That's all horrible, horrible impulses.

23:44 Adam Well, you know, the spark things up by cheating, I think, is just BS because somebody wants to cheat. I don't think anyone legitimately thinks that's going to do it.

23:53 Drew I agree.

23:53 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. I don't know what, you know, the candles and the bath salts and all that. I'm trying to think what- Here's what really- I'm trying to think, like, legitimately, what breathes a little life into the sex life, what a guy can do. What a guy can do is listen a little bit during the day, tell- send some flowers just because, tell someone they look great.

24:21 Drew Spend some more time.

24:22 Adam Spend a little time, hang out, suggest, oh, we're going to get a picnic and go to the Hollywood Ball.

24:26 Drew And then, by the way, attend to the medical issues. In this woman's case, get your depression treated. That's what needs to be done. That's what's going to save your relationship.

24:36 Adam As far as what the ladies could do, put down the chaminique and pick up the suave and start sucking.

24:44 Drew That's your motto. I read it, it's gonna be on your tombstone. Oh my god.

24:49 Adam Here lies Adam Corolla, faithful son, father. Start sucking. Chiseling that into the granite. All right, let's take ourselves a break, Drew.

25:03 Drew Let's do.

25:04 Adam All right, why don't we come back and speak to what Chris Mom doesn't know he's by. Then speak to David.

25:09 Drew No, no, that works too.

25:10 Adam David, 350 pounds, girlfriend's 260, sexual positions that can work. I don't know, I smell bogus. David?

25:17 Yeah.

25:18 Adam You're 350?

25:19 Drew You're fat.

25:20 Adam Drew, please, how tall are you?

25:22 I'm 53.

25:24 Drew 63?

25:25 Adam All right, I thought you said three feet. All right, hold on a second.

25:28 Drew The reason it sounds bogus is because there are not fat people that have to ask that question. They figure that out.

25:33 Adam Yeah.

25:34 Drew Right away.

25:35 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's I'm 350. My girlfriend, you see, we're some sexual positions.

25:39 Drew We're not a question.

25:41 Adam Well, I don't want to I don't want to tip the boy. But unless he calls and says, we've been dating for six months, we've not done the deed yet.

25:50 Drew I'm worried about it. I'm anxious.

25:51 Adam Even that, even that. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

25:55 Drew We'll bust this.

26:28 Adam Hey everybody, it's the Love Line of Madem, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-er. Yeah.

26:38 Drew Yeah, break it down.

26:40 Adam Break it down. That's what I'm talking about. All right.

26:44 Drew Ooh, the nearest Michelle's bringing us cookies or facts.

26:47 Adam I feel like a new woman, Drew. No, Drew.

26:49 Drew Oh yes.

26:49 Adam Don't get me into that.

26:50 Drew Oh yes, Adam.

26:51 Adam Here's a problem I realized with the show. I need to talk.

26:53 Uh-huh.

26:54 Adam You don't. I want to talk to Big Fat Dave. Dave.

27:00 Yes.

27:01 Adam You're 21.

27:02 Caller Yeah. Me and my girl. You already know the overweight thing. It's not bad that we haven't had, because already we did for the first two times, but just so frustrating.

27:13 Adam What happened? You're 350 pounds.

27:17 Caller What happened? What went wrong? You name it. I mean...

27:22 Adam Are you on a diet?

27:23 Caller Yeah. We're both trying to lose weight together, but as we're doing that, we still want to...

27:28 Drew What went wrong? What happened?

27:30 Caller It's just the position. I mean, that we go in, me on top or her on top or, you know, the side or the back.

27:39 Adam All right, Drew, what would you... I would say, off the top of my head, your best bet is you on the bottom.

27:49 Drew Or one of these perpendicular things.

27:52 Adam Flying W?

27:54 Drew Flying L.

27:54 Adam The Flying L. How's that one work? What are you doing for her?

27:57 Drew Her on a... Not him on top, but just standing.

28:01 Adam Like Spoonie? Oh, oh, oh, standing.

28:03 Drew Yes.

28:04 Adam Oh, and bent over.

28:05 Drew Or whatever.

28:06 Adam Well, I think you better go forward, right?

28:08 Drew Go forward for sure, yes.

28:10 Adam Yeah, but he has a sizable gut. Thank you.

28:14 Drew He can rest that on the... It's called a panus.

28:18 Adam He has a sizable panus. He may rest that on her anus. Is that what you're saying, Drew?

28:23 Drew On her pubic bone.

28:25 Adam Pubic bone? Her back is to him.

28:27 Drew Oh, that way. I was just thinking about lying her down.

28:30 Adam Oh, standing up.

28:30 Drew And him standing up, she lying down.

28:32 Adam Drew, a man of such passion that he defies. He's a Dr. Seuss like sexual imagination. Awesome.

28:39 Drew What's so weird about that?

28:41 Adam Wow. Wow. It's just, you know, I have a limited vocabulary sexually.

28:45 Drew Evidently.

28:46 Adam Go ahead, David.

28:47 Caller Where would I do that at though?

28:48 Drew I bet it would be high.

28:50 Adam Well, you'd have to find a swing set at the park.

28:52 Drew No, the bed and maybe...

28:54 Adam Do it on the bed.

28:54 Drew Figure it out.

28:56 Adam You need a high bed would be good.

28:57 Drew High bed is preferable.

28:59 Adam David, I would say her on top of you.

29:01 Drew Did you try that?

29:02 Adam What kind of a... Did you try that?

29:04 Caller Yeah, but it's... But, you know, she's 262, so 265, so...

29:10 Adam Yeah, well, she got to... She got to absorb some of it with her knees. What... What diet are you on?

29:19 Caller We're trying out the soup diet right now.

29:23 Drew Soup diet?

29:23 Caller Yeah.

29:24 Drew 350, it might be time for the operation.

29:26 Adam Really?

29:27 Drew In the gastric bypass.

29:28 Adam At 21? Have you been...

29:30 Drew What are you trying to do for that? I would think pretty much anything would cover that. I don't know that, but it's such a preventative measure in terms of the complication of diabetes and whatnot.

29:40 Adam Have you been heavy your whole life?

29:41 Caller Yeah. My whole life, yeah.

29:44 Adam Yeah. All right. I would look in the gastric bypass and I would look into Drew's position.

29:50 Drew Should we call it that from now on? Well, Drew's position. You know what I'm talking about?

29:54 Adam Yeah, yeah, I know. It's she's on the she's on her back. Lie down on the console for a second.

30:01 Drew Is this over here?

30:03 Adam Yes. She's lying on her back and she's all the way at the edge of the bed. They need a bed that's a little bit higher that you can sort of get to a little. And then you stand there. Yeah, that's good. OK, that's awesome, David.

30:16 Drew Adam, Adam approves of that.

30:18 Adam Yeah, no, I do. No, that's good. See, I don't always disagree with you. You make sense like twice a year. And I'm like, that's right. I'm down with them.

30:27 Drew What I can understand is I can't believe you would not. That's like that's like an imagined. That's like a missionary.

30:35 Adam I don't know what it's called. I don't know.

30:37 Drew It's a missionary on your extended arm.

30:39 Adam It's got a little flavor on it, though. Yeah. Yeah, OK. But you know, you need a prop. See, here's the whole thing. You can't pull that off on a futon. No, that's the thing. You need a mattress and box spring. So it was many years of my life. I just had the mattress on the floor. You know what I mean? The futon mattress on the floor. Then the sofa pullout. You know, you need a legitimate mattress. Yeah. You need to be able to work. You got to get your subject up, you know, in the working position. Yes. You need to get the operating position. You need to get it up there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I refer to the lady as it when I'm talking sex. Yeah. It's just more comfortable. It's the way I prefer it. Hey, guys.

31:21 Drew They're working in.

31:22 Caller We got a big guy on line four who has some advice for David.

31:26 Oh.

31:26 Caller Oh, he's not there anymore. Never mind.

31:27 Adam He's all right.

31:30 Caller The cell phone cut out right when I said it.

31:32 Adam Chris, you're 15. What's up?

31:34 Caller Um, yeah, I have a situation. Um, I have a boyfriend, and I am bi, and my mom doesn't really know about it yet.

31:44 Adam Well, you've got to tell her.

31:46 Caller Huh?

31:46 Adam You must tell her.

31:48 Caller Oh, yeah.

31:49 Drew Why are you even concerned about telling her?

31:51 Caller Huh?

31:52 Drew Why are you worried about telling her?

31:54 Adam This feels bogus. It's felt bogus from syllable one.

31:57 Drew I don't know. No, no.

31:59 Caller How is it bogus?

32:00 Adam Yeah, it's just smell. I just smell it on you.

32:03 Drew Let me go with it. So, why do you need to tell her?

32:06 Caller Why don't I?

32:07 Drew Why do you need to?

32:10 Caller I don't need to. I'm trying to get...

32:12 Adam All right, get lost.

32:13 Drew See, I think he's an abuse survivor and he just triggers all that stuff in you. Yeah.

32:18 Adam Go ahead.

32:18 Drew Chris?

32:19 Caller Yeah?

32:20 Drew Any history of sexual abuse?

32:21 Caller Excuse me?

32:22 Drew Any history? Well, I don't want to hang up on you anyway.

32:26 Caller Huh?

32:27 Adam Huh? At least you broke it up with a nice excuse me. Go ahead, Drew. Go ahead. Chris?

32:34 Drew Can you hear me?

32:35 Caller Yes.

32:36 Drew Have you ever been sexually abused by a male?

32:38 Caller Yes.

32:38 Drew How old were you?

32:39 Caller I was eight. All right.

32:41 Drew What happened?

32:42 Caller Who was it? It was my grandpa's ex-wife's son, which would be my uncle at the time.

32:48 Drew Your grandpa's ex-wife's son.

32:51 Caller So it would have been my uncle at the time.

32:53 Drew Right. All right.

32:54 Adam Now I believe you. Very specific.

32:56 Drew Yeah. And Adam, when somebody has been abused, there's a certain sort of affective quality they take on that evokes abuse from Adam.

33:04 Caller That's right. And plus, I grew up with a gay uncle. So he raised me.

33:09 Drew Now, why do you say you're bi? Well, that is nothing. That would not do a thing.

33:12 Adam Well, I'll tell you one of the main characteristics.

33:14 Drew Unless he was having oral sex with you while they raised you.

33:16 Adam Well, that's how the gays do it. I'll tell you one of the characteristics of the person that was abused is the, huh? Why?

33:25 Drew I know. That's the beat.

33:27 Adam All they do is the beat, the beat, the beat. And it always drives me nuts. And yes, they do respond to it.

33:33 Drew Yes.

33:34 Adam Every conversation is a handball game against the drapes. Never get anything. It's there anywhere. It's really passive aggressive. I don't know if they mean it that way.

33:44 Drew No, no, no. They have no volitional quality. In fact, I have a totally different response to it. And I felt it when I, you know, was, you don't feel that it's passive aggressive. Oh, it is passive aggressive, but I don't respond to it. I feel, I feel the pain. I hear their pain.

33:57 Adam I find myself sort of lap number three of trying to get the same question out. I find myself thinking rageful. Like just beat it, just get lost, and stop wasting my time, you know? I feel, you know what I feel like? I feel like somebody pulls me over and asks me for directions, and I explain to them, and they keep saying, what, what, what? And about the third time, I'm doing them the favor with the directions. I just get mad and I speed off. That's what I feel like.

34:23 Drew But you gotta remember, when they've been abused like that, they go into the world and I understand that.

34:28 Adam Oh, do they find it, baby? Man, do they find it. Hi, Chris.

34:33 Caller Okay.

34:33 Drew So you're probably gay, right? Not bisexual.

34:36 Caller No, I am bi.

34:38 Drew How do you know that?

34:39 Caller Well, I've done several girls, so.

34:41 Adam Well, so is Drew. That doesn't make him bi.

34:46 Drew I suspect you may be saying bye-bye to heterosexuality, I suspect.

34:52 Adam Yeah.

34:52 Caller I guess I'm currently gay. Yes, I guess.

34:54 Drew All right.

34:55 Adam That's it.

34:56 Drew And your desire to tell your mom is more.

35:00 Adam Little life to you, to mom. Yeah.

35:01 Drew You're angry that she didn't save you from the abuse or maybe she. No, no, no.

35:05 Caller See, the thing is this isn't my mom. I'm with a foster family for one thing.

35:10 Drew All right. So no wonder you're angry with your mom. Your mom's a drug addict or something, right?

35:13 Caller Yeah. And I'm a foster kid, so if I were to say anything like that, I would be in therapy and I would have so much I would never be alone, basically.

35:23 Adam Yeah. Well, you could do worse than a little therapy, by the way.

35:26 Caller Wait, wait.

35:26 Drew Right. If you were to say I'm gay and I was sexually abused, that would be a bad thing?

35:29 Caller Well, they already know I was sexually abused. I had like six years of therapy.

35:33 Drew All right. Oh, there we go.

35:34 Caller I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

35:35 Adam I'm sorry. All right. He apologized for 1,300 times.

35:39 Drew All right. So here's the deal. He's got a lot going on. His sexual orientation is a minimal, minimal piece of his big picture problems. He's in foster care, drug addicted mom, sexual abuse and his well, let me say this, Drew.

35:51 Adam I believe everything happens for a reason.

35:53 Drew Certainly all did to Chris.

35:54 Adam It all.

35:55 Drew I believe.

35:56 Adam No, I believe. I believe. I believe. I believe everything happens for a reason. Please, anyone who ever interviews those people that that actually crap that worn out trite statement when they trot that crap out, please, whoever's interviewing them, say, what the F are you talking about, you idiot? Or do you have nothing to say and that's just what you say?

36:20 Drew Right.

36:21 Adam Okay. Because I believe, I believe everything happens for a reason, Chris.

36:28 Drew But Chris, it would be a good idea to get involved with some kind of treatment process. Just focus on positive relationships, okay? Don't worry about your mom declaring a preference with her.

36:37 Caller No, we'll see. The thing is I have a relationship with my boyfriend and it's going good and everything except that my mom doesn't know him very well, but she hates him for no reason.

36:48 Adam You're, you're, you're foster mom?

36:50 Caller Yeah, I'm my foster mom.

36:52 Caller Okay.

36:53 Caller And I can't have a relationship with anybody unless I can see them and stuff like that.

36:59 Adam Chris, Chris, as you, as you may know, I've labeled myself a genius. And because I'm a genius, I'm never wrong about estimating genius. So now that we've established I'm a genius, you're going to need to listen to me.

37:13 Caller Okay.

37:14 Adam Okay. You are not a stupid person. And believe me, I talk to many stupid people every night. Oftentimes, actually right here in the studio. You are not that person, but you have been twisted and bent and screwed with and tortured so much that you could live the life of a stupid person or even worse, a hustler, a criminal. You could have been sort of damaged so badly at a young age that you could live a horrible, tortured life where not only you victimize other people, but yourself.

37:52 Drew Of course.

37:52 Adam I'm going to ask you to not do that.

37:55 Drew To behave as if you were just the smart person.

37:57 Adam You're 15 years old. You have a foster family. These are people. These are saints that have come into your life and replaced your horrible, horrible biological parents.

38:09 Drew Treat them like those saints that they are.

38:11 Adam Please, slow down. Always remember, your foster mother is not your junkie, abandoning, loser, actual biological mother. She is a woman.

38:21 Caller Wait, wait, wait.

38:22 Adam Yes.

38:23 Caller Let's go on about that. My biological mom is schizophrenic and she can't take care of me mentally.

38:31 Drew The point is, the foster mom is not the person that can't take care of you. It's the person who actually does care.

38:36 Adam Who has stepped up.

38:37 Drew Sets her life aside and is caring and treat your foster parents like that.

38:41 Adam Do not take it out on her.

38:43 Drew Slow down on the sex. Slow down on the romantic relationship. Just slow it down.

38:47 Adam Just get, listen, fly straight, get out of high school, and then go sick and do whatever you want.

38:54 Drew Go to UT there in Austin.

38:57 Adam Get your grades, get out. You know what I'm saying? You're 15. Come on, brother. Don't get in all this crap. You're going to get tossed out. You're going to end up on the streets. You're going to end up in Juve. It's a mess. Don't get into it. You're at a crossroads now. Stop acting out. Can you stop it? Just slow down. Just go to school. Get into soccer or something. Try to get a scholarship and just go off the college somewhere. Just get your grades up and go do something. You know, here's the deal. Most people, all you people, all we ever talk about is achievement. Like what do you do? Oh man, this guy is 110 percent. We never talk about effing up your life. We only focus on those who achieve and then we focus on those who are sort of don't seem to do anything. What about the people that put as much effort into effing up as the guy who always gives 110 percent?

39:51 Drew Interesting point.

39:51 Adam You know, it's all we do. It's like, well, I'll tell you, this kid's not the size, not the vertical leap you want, but I'll tell you, he's a leader out there in that basketball court. He always gives 110 percent. He got most inspirational last year. Yeah, for every one of those, there's 150 guys that are putting just as much energy into destroying their life because of what their horrible uncle did to them or what their family did to them. We need to just stop them. These people, if they could just not intentionally F up their life, we'd be living in a utopia inside of five years. Right?

40:23 Drew Cheers.

40:23 Adam Cheers. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

40:29 Drew I want you to try one of these. They're the best cookies I ever had.

40:31 Adam All right.

40:31 Drew Michelle, thank you.

40:32 Adam We'll be right back after this.

40:34 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

40:36 Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

40:41 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:44 Caller The one and only Live 105.

41:09 Adam Yeah, everybody.

41:11 It's Loveline.

41:13 Adam I'm Adam. It's Dr. Drew.

41:18 Caller Oh, well.

41:18 Adam Let me say this. Can I say this?

41:20 Drew Please say it.

41:20 Adam Can I say this?

41:21 Caller Say it.

41:22 Drew Say this.

41:23 Adam I was working on a new TV show, and they're working on some building up the street. It is, it's 800 yards from where I'm standing, and they got this skip loader thing. It's a construction site, so every time I'm interviewing, I'm doing an interview, skip loader's backing up.

41:43 Meep, meep, meep, meep.

41:46 Adam And you know my thing with that. First off, if a couple of stupid 9-year-olds get backed over every year, I'm fine with it in order to save the rest of the country. Every morning, every garbage truck, everything. But here's the thing. The reverse buzzer. How many nautical miles does the range need to be on that? How can you back over someone who's in a bedroom 100 miles away?

42:09 Drew It has to pierce your body at three blocks. It has to feel it in your chest.

42:14 Adam I'm in my bed at 6.45 in the goddamn morning. I'm on the second floor. The garbage truck I can barely see is around the corner and down.

42:25 Me, me, me.

42:29 Adam Shall I get out of the way? Shall I move? You know what I mean? How many people do we need to warn? At this point, I would like to be run over in bed just to say somehow this has some positive effect in my life. How many, let me ask you guys something. How many meep, meep, meeps coming out of the back of anything? Garbage truck. Have you heard versus the amount of ones you've heard we've actually went, oh, I better hustle up and get out of the way.

43:01 Drew 48,000 to one.

43:03 Adam Yes, and the one wouldn't have hit you.

43:06 Drew No, I've heard it.

43:08 Adam Right, you know what it's right up there with? Traffic reports. 400 billion traffic reports of what's going on over at the DeVore Pass and one time you've actually used it and you got off the 405 in Sepulveda, it was still backed up. Here's all I'm saying. There's that. So it's a constant like meep, meep. How many of those by the way, you live in Los Angeles, how many meep, meep? How many of those do you think are here a week? I think you tune it out, Drew. I don't tune it out. Every morning, there's something backing up, some municipal truck backing. So they're on pickup trucks and like ice cream trucks now and everything. Pallet jacks, pallet jacks, even hand ones. They force the Mexican guy when he's actually pulling it back.

43:50 Drew Word on his ass.

43:50 Meep, meep.

43:52 Adam No, he has to verbally do it when he's dragging the pallet, dragging a trash can up. It's pervasive. It's everywhere. And we're trying to know. OK, so I started thinking about this. Yeah. And then, of course, there's always the aspirin container. That's the thing you have to wrestle. Line up the arrows, pop the thing, pop the thing off. Then there's the rental car where you're riding in the back seat and the rear window only rolls down like four inches. It won't go down. You can't hang your arm out. When you get some air, you got to stuff your face out like a retarded dog. And then the stickers everywhere, the big yellow stickers on all the visors, the nice cars. Drew, you have an $80,000 car. There's a $10 sticker. No, two cents stickers. Same one that's on the Azuzu iMark, by the way. Same one that's on a $12,000 car, big and yellow, stuck to your beautiful upholstery, warning you about an airbag. Here's the thing.

44:46 Caller I don't have kids.

44:49 Adam Do you understand? Do we have to gear the entire... Do you understand that our entire society is now geared towards six-year-olds? That I spend my day wrestling with jars, trying to light cigarette lighters that won't light because they have safety bands on them, hearing the meep, meep, meep. Not only... I'm not a six-year-old, number one. I don't have a six-year-old. But no, everything is geared... And not only is it geared towards six-year-olds, it's geared to unsupervised six-year-olds. It's geared towards six-year-olds who have learning disabilities because their parents were meth heads. Look, even a six-year-old knows to move when a skip loader is backing up, Drew. Does it not?

45:41 Drew Yes.

45:43 Adam Can we wrestle our society back and how about we gear it toward nine-year-olds?

45:48 Drew That'd be good.

45:48 Adam Can we step it up? Or eleven-year-olds?

45:51 Drew Why don't we create forces that make parents to do their job rather than try to teach kids to stay out of the way of the world? Hey, but listen, for those of you that call tonight, we're kind of racing.

46:02 Adam Drew, you try to do something. Here's what my life's like when we're trying to do something.

46:07 Drew At first 10 calls today, as I mentioned, we'll get an iTunes gift card valued at $99. Those of you 18 years and older will keep taking calls after the break.

46:16 Adam Can we get our society back? Imagine the utopia in the 50s where you're just holding the beer. It's made of glass, the bottles. You're at the ballgame. You got a glass beer. Imagine, Drew, close your eyes and imagine a window in the rear of a car rolling all the way down. Or a cigarette lighter that actually lit without you having to reset it. Or an aspirin container that you could just actually flip the cap open on. Wow. Wow.

46:49 Drew I don't know.

46:49 Adam I had a good back then, boy. All right. It's just it's everywhere. It's all that. What are we going to do?

47:01 Drew You know where it's coming from.

47:02 Adam Yeah.

47:04 Drew Who?

47:05 Adam Yeah. No, we'll be back after this.

48:03 Caller Hi, I'm Murdoch from Gorillaz.

48:06 Caller You're listening to Love Line with Adam and Drew.

48:12 Adam Yeah, oh, let me tell you, that caught on. That's bigger than the wheeze. Yeah, it's huge, Drew.

48:19 Drew Through the roof.

48:20 Adam Awesome.

48:22 Caller Wheeze mobile.

48:23 Adam Awesome, guys. Oh, what an experience. Close my eyes and I just go back to that place from the Gorillaz around the show. Mariah?

48:32 Drew I visit it all the time.

48:33 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that's where I go. When I'm having a tough day or stressful day, that's what I do. Go ahead, Mariah, 23.

48:40 Caller Yes, I'm an escort and I have been for about four years now and I've been with my boyfriend for about four years and we're thinking about getting engaged and we're... We know we don't want to be with anybody else.

48:54 Drew Except your client.

48:55 Adam Well, not for free.

48:56 Drew Yeah, just your client.

48:57 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know if I should tell... He doesn't know what I do. Like, he doesn't know the full extent. He just thinks I like do massage. Like that.

49:08 Drew Well...

49:10 Caller I don't know.

49:11 Adam You know, it's funny that he should have got suspicious when you're like... When one day he was like, honey, how about you give me a massage? She's like, OK, she start blowing him.

49:20 Drew They ask for money.

49:22 Adam That'd be a hundred forty five. What? No tip? Mariam, now, explain how the Escort business works for you.

49:31 Caller For me, OK. Well, I do most of my stuff online or on the Internet. And that's how my clients find me. And there's like a review based type thing.

49:43 Adam And, you know, interesting.

49:46 Caller Yeah, I know about that.

49:47 Drew Oh, you haven't seen what one of our disc jockeys here does.

49:50 Adam Oh, I'm going to go with Jed.

49:54 Drew OK, he they Nicole put that all up on the Internet for he would this that disc jockey was showing. And it's a whole elaborate set of reviews and guys writing in.

50:04 Adam Well, it's interesting because, you know, you don't want to get you don't want to get a lemon. All right.

50:10 Drew So like cars.com.

50:12 Adam Yeah. No, it's like eBay. No, you know, eBay does that, you know.

50:17 Caller Exactly. Like E opinion.com. It's the same thing.

50:20 Adam OK. So OK. So you have we spoken to you before?

50:26 Caller No.

50:26 Adam OK. So so you you get your business over the Internet.

50:32 Caller Yeah.

50:32 Adam And the guy contacts you and and then what do you meet him somewhere?

50:38 Caller Yeah, he'll call and we'll talk for a while or I'll ask him for references from another provider in my area.

50:44 Drew Provider provider.

50:45 Adam I like that.

50:46 Drew HMO.

50:47 Adam Yeah. All right. And and all right. And then do you meet and when do you meet? How do you do that?

50:53 Caller I'm like, I'll tell him where I stay and he'll come over and where you stay.

50:59 Adam Come to come to your house?

51:01 Caller Yeah, yeah, I work out of my house.

51:04 Drew How come your boyfriend doesn't pick up on some of that?

51:07 Caller Because he's gone during the day and he knows.

51:10 Drew What does he do?

51:11 Caller Yeah, and he knows when I have clients.

51:14 Drew What does he do?

51:15 Caller Oh, he works for a corporate office.

51:18 Drew What do you think? Yeah, that's clear.

51:21 Adam Yeah, he talk about a vivid, vivid painting.

51:25 Drew So who do you think? Let's paint the picture for you and I of this guy. Who is the guy? Not the client, the boyfriend. He's one of two guys in my mind. Go ahead. He's either the super nice, nebushy, easily manipulated, ultra nice guy or a total sociopath. He's got to be one of the others.

51:41 Caller Yeah, he's a sociopath. He's really nice. He is extremely nice and he doesn't ask questions about what I do.

51:48 Drew He either has to be completely, completely gullible or completely on board with all this and not really caring.

51:55 Caller Well, I think he doesn't care if I cheated on him with another guy. Yeah.

52:01 Adam All right. Now, I'm still interested in how this works. So the guy comes over and your boyfriend's at work and you and your boyfriend don't live together.

52:13 Caller Yeah, we do. We do.

52:14 Caller Oh, my God.

52:15 Caller I have my own separate room that I work out of that he doesn't go in. He doesn't even know how to turn on the computer. If he turned on the computer and read all of my e-mails and things like that, he would definitely find out in two seconds.

52:28 Drew But I feel like Mariah doesn't have a soul.

52:30 Adam Yeah.

52:31 Drew She's screwing guys in her boyfriend's house.

52:34 Adam Well, it's a separate room. They come in and they come to your house. How does it work? They knock on the door, you let them in.

52:46 Caller Yeah. They knock on the door. I answer the door and something sexy, but they would put an envelope on the table or the counter. I don't like counted or anything.

52:58 Adam They put an envelope down.

52:59 Caller Money. Oh, yeah.

53:00 Adam Right. You say they put it down because they're not allowed to hand it to you?

53:06 Caller Yeah. I guess that's how it works, but I don't even touch the money until they're gone or anything.

53:12 Drew That's filthy. That's dirty to touch the money. Dirty money.

53:14 Adam Well, it's considered important.

53:16 Caller It would just seem like I had no idea about the money at all.

53:21 Adam There's weird money changing hand things about sex, which is awesome. You got the chick, she's on stage, you're like, here's five bucks. She's like, no, no, no, we can't. Law prevents. Go ahead and stuff it in the coos. Stuff it in the coos. Yeah, no, I can't handle it. Yeah, don't pull the G string out of my ass. Yeah, shove it up there. Fantastic. You understand there's rules.

53:41 Drew Well, you can't handle money.

53:42 Adam You can't handle. I cannot hand you the money. That's prostitution. Me rolling it up like in stuffing it in you like it's a fortune cookie. No problem there. Yeah. Do you see about the stupid laws the government makes?

53:54 Drew Well, how about stupid people getting where they get around the laws?

53:57 Adam Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there'll be no gambling, just Indian casinos and the lotto. All right. So anyway, they put the money down. How much money?

54:08 Caller Two-fifty an hour.

54:09 Adam Two-fifty an hour.

54:10 Drew How much money? How long you know you're going to have to spend with the guy if you haven't seen the money? You know what I mean?

54:16 Caller Well, they'll tell me ahead of time, of course. They'll tell me so I know to schedule around them or. Yeah, it's true.

54:24 Adam Yeah, you got to do it and you got to do it. Like I was telling, hold on a second. I'm interested in this. You can't have guys crossing paths in the entry hall. I was explaining to people about the shrink. Shrink, you pay for an hour, you get 50 minutes. Why? Because the last thing you want to do is have you walking out, crying with a boner and staring eye to eye with the next sap who's in there.

54:48 Drew This is the exact same situation with Mariah, because that's how you leave her too.

54:52 Adam Yeah, crying with a boner. The point is, is there certain places where you don't really just want to have that square up thing, you know?

54:59 Drew Yeah.

54:59 Adam Don't worry about the dentist office, but the shrink's a little weird, and the entry hall of Mariah's place is really weird. One dude walking out, sweaty, putting his tie back on. Oh, who's next? Here you go. Warm drop for you.

55:10 Drew Oh my God.

55:14 Adam So how many people might you see on an average week?

55:21 Caller I won't see more than three people a day, and if I travel, I'll see maybe four. But at my house, I won't see more than three people a day, and I would say about 10 a week.

55:36 Adam 10 a week. So it's at least $2,500.

55:42 Caller Yeah.

55:43 Adam And no...

55:45 Caller Sometimes, I take a whole week off during my time.

55:51 Adam Oh yeah. See, I'd do it and just either pay. Well, some guys, you get more. Yeah, Drew would probably get extra 50.

55:56 Drew Or give a little discount. All right.

55:58 Adam Just take a little discount. Yeah.

56:00 Caller No, it's like some girls that advertise, oh, I only do French sessions only. I don't know if you guys know what that is.

56:07 Adam No French sessions.

56:08 Caller Yeah.

56:09 Drew What is that?

56:11 Caller Oral sex.

56:12 Drew Oh, interesting.

56:13 Adam That who performing on the guy.

56:16 Caller Yes.

56:17 Adam OK. Now you, you will do either one.

56:22 Caller Yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course. Yeah.

56:24 Adam OK.

56:24 Caller How dare you?

56:25 Adam And and I know I didn't. I didn't. She wants to think she's uptight. And then condoms religiously.

56:31 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's that's the hard part for me is trying to hide the condoms from the boyfriend. Can be my boyfriend. We don't use condoms. So like every time a guy's done, I'm like, OK, make sure you flush. And I always take the wrapper and make sure I throw it in the garbage outside.

56:45 Adam So now let's let's let's put our soul, let's 20, 2500 bucks a week at least and no no taxes.

56:54 Caller No taxes. Wonderful.

56:55 Adam Right. Boyfriend thinks you're masseuse and that these are all clients.

57:01 Caller Yeah.

57:01 Adam Never worried.

57:03 Caller Fight or anything. And he knows I get like unclothed. He knows I get naked. OK.

57:08 Drew Now you're now your boyfriend's associate.

57:10 Adam Now that's different.

57:11 Caller Yeah.

57:11 Adam Now. Well, now he knows you get naked.

57:15 Drew Or he's gay. Well, but she's a beard for him.

57:18 Adam Why would you need to get naked to perform a massage?

57:22 Caller Well, it's an erotic massage. That's what I told him when I first met him. I told him, you know, all right.

57:27 Adam So he knows what's going on. So your boyfriend, your boyfriend knows there's guys coming to your home while he's at work and that you're doing any sex with them now. OK, but here's my point.

57:41 Caller All right.

57:41 Adam Let me talk to Drew.

57:42 Caller Yeah.

57:43 Adam I got to talk to the same person. Here's the thing, Drew. A normal guy, it doesn't. OK, let me say it. Normal guy does not want guys coming to his home, period, getting down into a town, having his wife work on it, even if she's a work exclusively on sports injuries.

58:04 Drew Yes.

58:04 Adam Do you know what I'm saying?

58:05 Drew Correct.

58:05 Adam I don't want some dude in a towel at my house when I'm not there.

58:09 Drew No way.

58:09 Adam OK, that he doesn't want that.

58:12 Drew I'm close.

58:13 Adam Not even close. And then you doing it in a tight blouse would be out of the question. You're doing it in the nude is the nude. It's like, what is no different for sane guys than prostitution and prostitution. You see, there's no line. It's like it's like sane people. It's like there's no difference between killing one person and killing a thousand people. Well, it's murder. I would never do it.

58:38 Drew Yes.

58:38 Adam You know, what she's saying is, is, well, he doesn't mind killing one person. Just he's not a serial killer. But sane people would never go for that.

58:45 Drew No, no, no, no.

58:46 Adam Never. So he doesn't a he doesn't care.

58:52 Drew So that makes him either sociopath or gay himself.

58:55 Adam Right. Who else is gay? Me. We should gain self. Someone's got to be gay.

59:01 Drew I don't know what I meant by that.

59:03 Adam I'm going to go with me.

59:04 Drew OK.

59:04 Adam Thank you. Mariah, Mariah, yes, your mess, obviously, he is a mess as well. And it's bad when two messes get married.

59:17 Drew Oh, yeah.

59:18 Adam So I would I would try to dissuade you from marrying this chap. Him knowing that you disrobe and work on exclusive exclusively on male clients is is bizarre, to say the least. And there's something wrong with him. Now, obviously, you doing what you do for a living, there's something wrong with you as well.

59:40 Caller Of course, yeah.

59:42 Adam Right. So maybe this works for you guys and maybe it works at this level. It's all in who cares, you know. It's fine for the relationship, but you start getting married, you start bringing kids into the mix and it's a disaster.

59:54 Drew You're 23.

59:55 Caller Yeah.

59:56 Adam Right.

59:57 Caller Yeah.

59:57 Adam But listen, you have a bad condom week and you're going to crap out 30 kids.

1:00:02 Drew Not only that, who knows what kind of disease you're exposing this guy yourself to.

1:00:06 Caller Yeah.

1:00:07 Adam Well, she was a kind of... All right, Mariah.

1:00:09 Drew It's not a bad condom week.

1:00:11 Adam God knows what happened to you. Save up some of that money for therapy though.

1:00:16 Caller Okay.

1:00:17 Adam Right?

1:00:18 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've only had two boyfriends and they're exactly the opposite. The one was really possessive and he had to know where I went, you know, every time I went, what time I'm going to be home.

1:00:29 Adam Smart man, by the way.

1:00:30 Drew Yeah, that's the guy that's more realistic.

1:00:31 Adam Yeah.

1:00:32 Caller He's exactly the opposite. He, you know, he lets me go out and do my thing.

1:00:36 Adam Yeah, he lets you do whatever he wants, just like I let Drew's wife do whatever she wants. I don't care. You know what I mean? Like people mistake that with, you know, it's like parenting, my dad's cool, lets me sleep over, lets me do whatever, he bought me beer, he's cool. No, he doesn't care.

1:00:53 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:00:54 Adam This is, I don't care. This isn't, I'm cool. Oh, I'm really secure. And I'm so secure, I'm just gonna go do data entry while some John who blows in from out of town is on top of my old lady.

1:01:05 Drew I think it'd be interesting getting somebody like her on a show. You've talked about getting interesting kind of people on the show.

1:01:10 Adam Well, she's been on the show for 10 minutes.

1:01:11 Drew Yeah, you're right.

1:01:13 Adam Yeah, it's not bad. All right. Let me just ask her one thing. Mariah?

1:01:17 Caller Yes.

1:01:18 Adam Are you at least hot?

1:01:20 Caller Oh, yeah. I think I am.

1:01:22 Drew That's what the guy is going for.

1:01:24 Adam And what are your customers, what are they into? I mean, straight sex, oral, what do they go for?

1:01:31 Caller Most of them are just really just straight sex. And they just want to, you know, we sit there and talk for like a half an hour beforehand and then we...

1:01:40 Drew What is your perception of what they want?

1:01:43 Caller Some company, like something that your wife doesn't give them, like...

1:01:46 Drew Oh, yeah, the emotional needs.

1:01:47 Adam Yeah, you can't get company from your wife. That's all you get. You wish they'd clear out. Please, could you ride in the back seat of the car? Yeah, what?

1:01:56 Caller Don't treat them like a king, so...

1:01:58 Adam Yeah, all right. And condoms, any positions you won't do? And what about oral? Can you get oral and intercourse?

1:02:09 Caller Yeah, oral and intercourse. I don't do what's called Greek, which is anal sex, just because I don't like it anyway. I like to have fun. I have a lot of fun with my clients, so...

1:02:18 Adam Do you... Sure. Do you guys... Do you have any of your clients? Do you have regulars that you see every week?

1:02:25 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1:02:27 Adam And you know most of these guys are married?

1:02:29 Caller Yes.

1:02:30 Adam And do you have a crush on any of them?

1:02:34 Caller There's one, which... He lives, like, three hours away, so I only see him once a month, and, you know, he's younger, and we have really awesome sex. And that's, you know, like, if he was closer, I'd probably see him every day, you know, maybe even off the clock. I don't know. But I've never, like, I've never had sex with anybody else without me.

1:02:57 Adam Or maybe you do that thing where, you know, you punch his card, you know, he asks you ten times, he gets the eleventh free. Yeah. Like a subway.

1:03:05 Caller Like a special or something.

1:03:06 Adam Yeah. Yeah. All right. I can see it. Now, what about a guy who pulls in there that's just physically repulsive to you, reminds you of the stepdad that used to molest you?

1:03:18 Caller You just close your eyes. Well, I mean, like, I think Asians, cause I was molested by one of my own boyfriend and he was Asian. So I won't see an Asian at all. Like.

1:03:29 Drew That is interesting.

1:03:30 Caller Yeah.

1:03:31 Adam Meanwhile, I'd be giving them a break. Small Pepe, no hair on their body. That's a break. That'd be my thing. No, you know, you said, you mentioned the car wash. You know, it's like cars, 750 vans, 10 bucks Asians. You know what I mean? You give me the big hairy Middle Eastern guy. That's a van. You know what I mean? I got to get a little extra. Asian. That's a little, that's a little Mini Cooper blowing through there.

1:03:57 Caller Meep, meep.

1:03:59 Adam No biggie.

1:04:00 Drew Oh my.

1:04:01 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:04:02 Drew I'm listening to you.

1:04:03 Adam Drew, you're with me. You know what I'm saying? You've been to the gym.

1:04:07 Drew I've been.

1:04:07 Adam You've been to the gym.

1:04:08 Drew Yeah.

1:04:09 Adam You've sat in the, you've taken a Schmitz with some guys that had that, you know, that Russian hairy back, you know, guys look like bears, you know, with stretch marks and stuff. They see a nice streamlined Asian guy.

1:04:21 Drew Nice.

1:04:22 Adam Who are you going to be with? Who are you going to charge more for?

1:04:25 Drew Who was I with?

1:04:26 Adam I'm just saying, you got to charge more for the vans. That's all I'm saying. Mariah. Yes. Let me tell you, you better get over this Asian phobia.

1:04:37 Drew This is the future.

1:04:38 Adam Yeah. And by the way, it is awakening and it's like you. You know what I mean? This is one facet of life. You do not want to send the Asians packing from this. This could be a lot of clientele for you. It's like you owning a camera store and saying no Asians. You know what I mean? You're cutting a lot of your business back, baby.

1:04:57 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:04:59 Adam All right. And these guys are fast. They're they're environmentally low impact. They are not big conversationalist or in and out.

1:05:07 Drew She's not in need of customers. She's good. You know what I'm saying?

1:05:09 Adam All right. I'm just saying you you know, if I was a prostitute, be welcome Asians right on top of the thing. You know, they'd come in, they'd hear that guitar bing, bing, bing, bing. You know, I mean, I would start incense burning. I would start, you know, that's a direction I would go because they don't want to make a lot of small talk.

1:05:29 Drew You'd do that dance with the big flowing rose. We hit the drums. I could see it now.

1:05:37 Adam Take your shoes off. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. I'm in kabuki makeup, hair up in a bun, chopsticks holding up. Now, Drew, seriously, am I right or am I right? You're right.

1:05:49 Drew But I'm just Mariah is a fascinating study.

1:05:54 Adam Well, she was molested by her mom's Asian boyfriend, Mariah. Yes. Did he ever get in any trouble?

1:06:04 Caller No, he didn't. I never told.

1:06:06 Wow.

1:06:09 Adam How old were you?

1:06:10 Caller I was about eight or nine.

1:06:13 Drew Did it go on for a while?

1:06:15 Caller Yeah.

1:06:17 Drew It's screwed with your wiring, Mariah. It makes you not see normal boundaries.

1:06:21 Adam Yeah. It makes you, you got a little, you got a little, you got the vagina of a serial killer. You don't know. You don't care. It's nothing there. Yeah. That's tough. How do you get people to care, Drew, when they grow up sort of doesn't get...

1:06:36 Drew You have to sort of reach back and move forward again. And in an intimate relationship, meaning therapy.

1:06:42 Adam Mariah, don't get married, don't have kids, save that money for therapy. And give the Asians a second look, would you?

1:06:50 Caller I'll think about it, yeah.

1:06:51 Adam And do me a favor, what, which, where was your mom's boyfriend from? What country was he from?

1:06:57 Caller Vietnam.

1:06:58 Adam Oh, Vietnam. So the Japs got to pay?

1:07:02 Do you know what I mean?

1:07:04 Adam Japanese, Chinese, Korean, please.

1:07:07 Caller Okay.

1:07:08 Adam Punish the Vietnamese. You know what I mean, Drew?

1:07:12 Drew I'm just listening.

1:07:14 Adam Japanese guy, blows an organ, looking for a good time. He has to be punished for the sins of the Vietnamese guy for many years ago. Do you know what I mean?

1:07:24 Drew Oh man, oh man.

1:07:25 Adam You want to talk about racism, you're lumping all Asians together.

1:07:29 Drew I just get so overwhelmed with talking to Mariahs of the World because I get them in the hospital in these contained environments and all their pathologists spills out and the depths of the pain and the chaos and oh my goodness. Hey, but listen.

1:07:43 Adam Yeah, no. Hey, you can't judge and it takes all kinds. Yeah. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. Mia?

1:07:53 Yeah. Hey, what's up?

1:07:54 Adam You're 20? Yeah. Hey, what's up?

1:07:56 Caller Hey, how's it going?

1:07:57 Adam Good.

1:07:58 Caller Good. I love you, Adam, and I love you, Dr. Drew. Adam, if I had to be stuck in the desert island, it would be with you.

1:08:03 Adam Really?

1:08:04 Caller Dr. Drew, I learned so much from you and I want to be a doctor just like you and I've learned so much from you over the years. I want to say thank you for that.

1:08:10 Drew God bless you. They hate strictly sex. Tonight on Discovery Health Channel, midnight.

1:08:13 Adam Yeah, watch that.

1:08:14 Drew Learn some more.

1:08:15 Adam I saw it. It looks awesome.

1:08:16 Drew Thank you. Excellent.

1:08:17 Adam Drew on the street, Drew in the studio.

1:08:20 Drew Yeah, in Las Vegas. You see that stuff?

1:08:22 Adam Yeah.

1:08:23 Drew Footage?

1:08:23 Adam No, we watched.

1:08:24 Drew That was her friend, Beth Einhorn.

1:08:25 Adam Yeah.

1:08:25 Drew She filmed all that.

1:08:26 Caller Go ahead, Mia.

1:08:28 Caller I have a little bit of a weird problem. I can suck up air through my vagina and blow it out.

1:08:36 Adam Speaking of Asians, we got to get you a ping pong ball.

1:08:38 Drew Well, there's that. Then we had a friend that, not a friend, but Jim Rowe, is that his name? The guy that had the sideshow. Oh, Jim.

1:08:46 Adam Yeah. No, Rose.

1:08:48 Drew Rose, Jim Rose.

1:08:49 Adam Yeah.

1:08:49 Drew And he had a wife that had this, could do this. And actually would suck in lighter fluid. Really? And light it and spit it out from that working end.

1:08:58 Adam Yeah. It's awesome. I hope those kids are doing good.

1:09:01 Drew She just spit fire out of her vagina.

1:09:03 Adam Beautiful lady. Yeah.

1:09:05 Yeah.

1:09:06 Caller So there's no physical abnormality then?

1:09:09 Drew No, no. It's just muscular control.

1:09:11 Adam No, some women do that.

1:09:12 Drew Yeah, it's all right.

1:09:13 Caller Okay.

1:09:14 Adam It's sort of like inducing a belch for a guy.

1:09:17 Drew You go, a little bit of a talent, a little bit of a talent.

1:09:20 Adam You bring it in, suck it out. I don't know if you could teach anyone to do it.

1:09:24 Drew Remember, you and I one time we had women that could spontaneously make a noise by doing that.

1:09:29 Adam Well, this makes a noise, doesn't it, man?

1:09:31 Drew Can you make a noise when you belch it out?

1:09:33 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:09:34 Drew Can you do it like, can we?

1:09:36 Caller What it sucks up, really.

1:09:37 Adam Yeah. No, here's the-

1:09:39 Caller My little sister can do it, but my mom can't, so I don't know if it's genetic or whatever.

1:09:43 Drew Your little sister?

1:09:44 Adam That is a-

1:09:46 Drew That's a Thanksgiving dinner I don't want to have heard about.

1:09:48 Adam That's a spectacular conversation. I don't even know that my dad has a penis. That's how little we speak about these things. Hey, Mia.

1:09:56 Yeah.

1:09:57 Adam How about you give us a little shout out? You know what I'm saying?

1:10:00 Caller Oh, okay.

1:10:01 Caller All right.

1:10:01 Caller I'll try.

1:10:02 Caller Okay. Hang on one second.

1:10:02 Adam Throw that phone down there.

1:10:03 Caller Okay.

1:10:04 Drew You and I have done this before, right?

1:10:05 Adam Yeah.

1:10:06 Drew Yeah. A long time ago.

1:10:07 Caller Yeah.

1:10:10 Adam It's always funny.

1:10:12 Drew That was it.

1:10:13 Adam That was it. Wow. I think I hear the radio in the background.

1:10:25 Drew Oh, hello?

1:10:26 Adam Yeah.

1:10:26 Caller Let's do that.

1:10:28 Drew We got a little bit. Do that again.

1:10:29 Adam See if you can work up a decent size there.

1:10:31 Caller That wasn't decent?

1:10:33 Drew No, the phone wasn't in the right position. We could barely hear it.

1:10:35 Caller Hang on.

1:10:35 Caller Okay.

1:10:36 Caller Okay.

1:10:37 Drew Oh, my goodness. That was pretty good.

1:10:45 Adam It was good. It wasn't what we're used to. We're used to the sort of whoopee vagina and the sort of inhale.

1:10:53 Drew This was the panting vagina.

1:10:55 Adam Yeah, but interesting. All right. Now, you know what you ought to do is add a little bubble mix to what you're bringing in. I bet you could blow a bubble.

1:11:07 Caller Mr. Bubble?

1:11:08 Adam Or Mrs. Doesn't matter. Could you blow? You think you could blow a bubble out of your vagina?

1:11:14 Caller It's very possible. Yeah, I should try that.

1:11:17 Adam Try that, please.

1:11:18 Drew It has to go in though. It's just going in, out, in, out.

1:11:20 Adam I know, but get some to get in and then see if you can get that out.

1:11:24 Caller Okay.

1:11:25 Adam I would like to see that. Thank you. Please, Drew. Why do you have to crap upon my dreams?

1:11:31 Drew Is it time for break? I believe it is.

1:11:34 Adam It is.

1:11:34 Drew Hey, first 10 calls. I believe we're right about there now. That have been on the air tonight. Those of you that have been over 18 and got through win an iTunes gift card valued at $99. And for Mia, with her special talent, I think Adam is going to throw in a special gift.

1:11:48 Mm-hmm.

1:11:49 Adam Oh, some Mr. Bubble.

1:11:50 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:11:51 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break and we'll be right back after this.

1:11:59 Love Line with Adam Klobler and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:12:08 Caller The one and only Live 105.

1:12:28 Adam I'm Adam Nets, Dr. Drooff. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Time to play a little Germany or Florida. Yeah.

1:12:38 Germany of Florida.

1:12:41 Adam Dag.

1:12:41 Caller Germany of Florida.

1:12:44 Caller Germany of Florida.

1:12:52 Adam Yeah.

1:12:52 There we go.

1:12:53 Adam He gets angry. We get angry emails from Dag.

1:12:55 We. We.

1:12:56 Adam Well, we meaning true because I don't do emails. But angry emails from Dag if we don't use this thing. Crit. Is this person's name Crit?

1:13:07 Drew That's what it says. Crit?

1:13:08 Yes.

1:13:09 Drew Here we are. What's going on?

1:13:09 You're 20?

1:13:10 How you guys doing?

1:13:11 Drew Good.

1:13:11 Caller Long time listener, first time caller.

1:13:13 Drew Where are you calling from?

1:13:14 Caller Massachusetts.

1:13:15 Drew Where?

1:13:16 Caller Lunenberg, a small little town that no one's ever heard of.

1:13:19 Drew Where is it?

1:13:20 Caller North Central Mass.

1:13:22 Drew North Central. All right.

1:13:23 Adam Lunenberg.

1:13:24 Caller Yeah.

1:13:25 Drew I'm coming out to Vermont.

1:13:26 Adam Sounds like a crazy Jew.

1:13:28 Caller Where in Vermont?

1:13:29 Drew Vermont and Burlington. Next week. Oh, really? Yeah. And I went to college in Massachusetts. Oh.

1:13:33 Caller So that's why.

1:13:34 Drew My hood.

1:13:36 Adam Those are the who cares.

1:13:37 Caller Yeah.

1:13:37 Caller Go ahead, Craig.

1:13:39 Caller All right. Germany or Florida, three men dubbed the Grandpa Gang because of their advanced ages were convicted of robbing 14 banks of more than 1.2 million dollars. The men occasionally used guns dating back to World War II. They range in age from 64 to 74. Then near the quote from one of the guys, it's unbelievable how easy it is to rob a bank once you've done it a couple of times, he said during his trial, adding that fear of having no money and spending the rest of his years in a nursing home drove him to commit the crimes.

1:14:11 Drew This is a good one.

1:14:12 Adam Good one.

1:14:13 Drew Because there's many twists and turns that lead you in either direction. Now World War II, vintage guns. Sounds a little germy to me. Florida?

1:14:28 Adam Here's Florida.

1:14:29 Drew Old Florida.

1:14:29 Adam Old feels Florida. Robbing feels Florida.

1:14:33 Drew Vintage guns. Old man robbing sounds German.

1:14:37 Adam That's either way.

1:14:39 Drew That's precision activity. I mean, precision execution. I've been doing it my whole life. That you can still do when you're seven.

1:14:45 Adam I have this fantasy that if you rob banks in Germany and you're old, you would get caught in the first two banks. They wouldn't make it to 14. I somehow think there's more efficiency there. Smaller, more cameras. Do you know what I mean?

1:15:01 Drew Or more security prone to shooting.

1:15:05 Adam Or something. You know what I'm saying?

1:15:07 Drew More intensity in the security. Yeah.

1:15:08 Adam Yeah. I'm going Florida.

1:15:10 Drew I'll go Florida, too.

1:15:11 Adam You're going Florida, too? Crit, is it Germany or Florida?

1:15:15 Caller It's Germany, guys.

1:15:16 Drew Oh, well done. Excellent. That's one of my favorite Germany or Florida in the recent months.

1:15:23 Adam Nay, it is my favorite. It's not one of my favorites.

1:15:25 Drew How dare you?

1:15:26 Adam It is my favorite.

1:15:27 Drew I say nay.

1:15:27 Adam I say nay to you, sir. Good day.

1:15:30 Drew Good day.

1:15:30 Adam Well, I say good. My seconds will call on you and say good day. Good day. I said good day. I just like we have we've we've gone from that that's the biggest insult that you could have said 200 years ago.

1:15:45 Drew Good day.

1:15:47 Adam Now it's something about your mom's private parts. You know what I mean? And what you did to them and stuff like that. But you know, 200 years ago, that that was the biggest thing. Look, if you said to someone, I said good day, you would have to duel.

1:16:01 Drew You have to kill them.

1:16:03 Adam Sure. It's the biggest, biggest insult you could ever hear. Good day. Vanessa.

1:16:10 Caller Adam.

1:16:11 Adam Corolla.

1:16:12 Drew You know, that kind of I said good day stuff went on in this country. You know, who is a Andrew Jackson was a big proponent of that stuff.

1:16:20 Adam What do you mean?

1:16:20 Drew Oh, he was dueling until he hit the White House. He had all kinds of crazy stuff he did. Andrew Jackson.

1:16:25 Adam Really?

1:16:26 Drew Oh, my God. And it's always not always, but frequently over things men were saying about women. Oh, yeah. How dare you? I said, my line, my line, the wife of a southern gentleman.

1:16:37 Adam Yeah. Wow. We're going to shoot pistols at dawn.

1:16:40 Drew And crazy stuff he did.

1:16:42 Adam Yeah. I like that. Do you know out of the 43 presidents we've had, only three of them haven't had pets.

1:16:51 Drew Fascinating.

1:16:52 Adam Yeah.

1:16:52 Drew Can I file that under who cares?

1:16:53 Adam Please, please do. Some had like raccoons and stuff too. Sure. It's awesome.

1:16:58 Drew Raccoon and white house. Who are the three, by the way, didn't have one? It's got to be Calvin Coolidge.

1:17:02 Adam Three guys that never heard of, which always makes me feel like an idiot.

1:17:05 Drew It's like Harding or something.

1:17:06 Adam Yeah, that guy was the president. I didn't even know those names. Vanessa?

1:17:11 Caller Yes.

1:17:11 Adam Go ahead, baby doll.

1:17:13 Caller How are you?

1:17:14 Adam Good. Go ahead.

1:17:15 Drew There was a period, we could lead up to Civil War, when the names were obscured.

1:17:18 Adam Yes, thank you. Go ahead, Vanessa.

1:17:21 Caller Okay, so I have a problem that comes from an old soccer injury from a few years ago. I took a knee to the pelvic bone, which caused a large blood clot, and I thank the Lord, I was not a man.

1:17:36 Caller And then it went away.

1:17:38 Drew Hold on, hold on, hold on.

1:17:39 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:17:40 Drew You mean you had a hematoma that you could see, that was sort of in the skin?

1:17:44 Caller No, it was like the size of a large egg.

1:17:47 Drew But you could see it, okay, as on the skin, and not inside your pelvis.

1:17:51 Caller No, it was right on the front, like directly above the labia, but as it healed all that blood, since there's no muscle to absorb it, it just floated down.

1:17:59 Drew So you got purple and swollen labia.

1:18:01 Caller Yes, very.

1:18:02 Adam Hey, um, looks like you have like a black eye. Should girls who play soccer wear a cup?

1:18:11 Why not?

1:18:13 Drew Guys don't even do that anymore, do they?

1:18:14 Adam Well, they wouldn't. They wouldn't at the pee-wee level. They would be forced to wear a cup. You know?

1:18:21 Caller Yeah, but the chances of you being hit down there are slim enough that...

1:18:25 Adam I know, but you know, we hear about it a lot with the kicking and the ball and the knees and stuff.

1:18:30 Caller Well, I play goalie though, so that was my downfall.

1:18:33 Drew Anyway, what's your question?

1:18:35 Caller Okay, so after having that injury a couple years ago, I was having sex the other night and it swelled up again.

1:18:43 Drew Yeah, but that's because you went for too long and irritated the labia. That probably has nothing to do with the old injury.

1:18:48 Caller I've had sex in between times and it's never done that before.

1:18:51 Adam I know, but if you go too long, this guy gave you a thorough working over.

1:18:56 Drew Yeah, if you go too long, cause irritation, you know, you go more than ten minutes or so, women get swelling.

1:19:02 Caller I always go for more than ten, well.

1:19:04 Adam Well, did this guy do more than usual? Yeah.

1:19:07 Caller No.

1:19:09 Adam Oh, really?

1:19:10 Drew Did you use a condom or something?

1:19:11 Caller As far as I remember.

1:19:12 Caller Oh, condom.

1:19:14 Caller Well, there was a lot of alcohol involved that night, but I mean, no, we don't do, we've only been seeing each other a few months, so it's not that extreme between us.

1:19:20 Drew All right, but let me just be clear. It's probably almost certainly not related to your original injury. It's just something that happens when you are over vigorous.

1:19:28 Adam You said you've only seen each, been seeing each other for a few months, so it's not really, they're not really, that's when you do your, that's when I do most of my damage.

1:19:35 Caller Yeah.

1:19:37 Adam You know what I mean? Yeah.

1:19:38 Drew You're best foot forward.

1:19:39 Adam I'm stealthy now. Back then I was like a Sherman marching through Georgia.

1:19:45 Drew I can't believe you that that position, the standing position is something like, Well, I know that position. Imaginate, it's imaginative. It's missionary.

1:19:53 Caller It's so.

1:19:53 Adam Missionary with their credit. Yeah, go ahead.

1:19:57 Caller Well, is there any way that, I just have to wait for it to heal? Is there any way to keep it from coming back? I mean, I'm not.

1:20:02 Drew Yes, yes. Do less, less vigorous, less long, not so long, less vigorous.

1:20:08 Adam She's sure it's connected to the injury. The injury is 10 years old, right?

1:20:13 Drew I don't know.

1:20:14 Adam Or more. I mean, she said when she.

1:20:16 Caller Five years old.

1:20:17 Adam How many?

1:20:17 Caller Two and a half.

1:20:19 Adam Oh, oh, you're playing soccer.

1:20:21 Drew But what would you be playing in college?

1:20:23 Caller No, I play on a women's team.

1:20:26 Adam No.

1:20:26 Drew In college?

1:20:28 Caller No.

1:20:29 Adam Just.

1:20:29 Caller No, we have women's leagues over here.

1:20:31 Drew A club.

1:20:31 Adam Wow. OK. Play like club soccer.

1:20:34 Caller Yeah, it's just a bunch of women that still play soccer and we're pretty competitive still.

1:20:39 Adam I think you call that club.

1:20:41 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:20:43 Adam Her yes sounds a lot like a no. Yeah. No.

1:20:46 Drew Well, it always is. Yeah, whatever you say. Pretty much. Yeah.

1:20:49 Adam Yeah.

1:20:50 Drew Yes, that's right.

1:20:51 Adam Yes, that's right. Yeah, it's a weird dismissive kind of way of agreeing with you.

1:20:55 Drew Yeah, but a hibatoma above the pubic bone has nothing to do with swelling and irritation of the baby itself.

1:20:59 Caller No.

1:21:00 Adam No.

1:21:01 Caller No.

1:21:03 Drew It sounds like Kermit or.

1:21:09 Adam Ron.

1:21:09 Drew Ernie.

1:21:11 Hello.

1:21:12 Adam Ron, what's up? You're 27.

1:21:13 Caller Hey, how you guys doing?

1:21:15 Adam Doing good. Oh, hold on. What's up?

1:21:22 Caller Hey, about what? Well, last week, I was with my girl and she pinched me off and I bled fairly decently afterwards when I went to the bathroom.

1:21:32 Adam And now you're going number two when she pinched you off?

1:21:37 Caller No, no, no. She's giving me a hand job.

1:21:40 Adam Why? Why did she pinch you off? New car?

1:21:44 Caller It's what they call retrograde ejaculation. You can keep it inside.

1:21:48 Adam I know. But why? Why did she do it? She didn't want to make a mess?

1:21:51 Caller Yeah, no, it's supposed to feel better.

1:21:53 Drew Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The pinching is meant to either stop the ejaculation or and the retrograde you have to push underneath the test behind the testicles, basically, to get the retrograde.

1:22:05 Adam No, you got to shut it off at the valve, not tweak the hose.

1:22:08 Drew Yeah, you're just going to be going to...

1:22:10 Caller Well, that's basically what we were doing, but what's the bleeding cause afterwards?

1:22:14 Drew Oh, who knows? I mean, you could have torn something. I mean, there are things that can happen. You're building up a big pressure of fluid that's supposed to come out.

1:22:22 Adam How long have you two been going out?

1:22:24 Caller About four or five months, not too long.

1:22:26 Adam You're 27?

1:22:28 Caller Yeah.

1:22:29 Adam What, you're bored of sex? Like what's up?

1:22:34 Caller No, I'm just experimenting.

1:22:36 Drew I'm an orologist.

1:22:37 Adam You want to experiment? Listen.

1:22:39 Drew You need to see a urologist.

1:22:40 Adam An experiment?

1:22:41 Drew Dump some sodium.

1:22:43 Adam Yeah, dump some baking soda in with some vinegar, would you?

1:22:46 Drew Watch what happens.

1:22:46 Adam Save the dick pinching for the pros. Like Drew. What the?

1:22:52 Drew I know. What? Let's take a break.

1:22:55 Adam Listen, I really, I drew, as you know, for many years, I thought I was just a traveler from the future.

1:23:04 Drew I know, but now you leave the dick pinching for the pros.

1:23:07 Adam No, what I'm saying is, I don't understand anything anymore.

1:23:10 Drew I know.

1:23:11 Adam I think I'm not only traveled from the future to come back, not to warn of anything, but to be driven nuts. I now think I'm from another planet.

1:23:21 Drew Oh my.

1:23:22 Adam There's nothing makes, all I do, I walk around all day going what? What? Why? What are you doing? I don't understand. I, why would somebody, that's my entire life. See, if this was a movie, I would be a traveler from the future to come back to warn.

1:23:37 Drew Yes.

1:23:38 Adam To proselytize, you know, to explain to people about what, you know, what you're doing to the rainforest or tsunamis or upcoming dangers. As it is, I know nothing. All I know is I'm going nuts.

1:23:49 Drew Here we go.

1:23:50 Adam That's a good movie.

1:23:51 Drew It's a nice radio show.

1:23:52 Adam It came from the future. He drove nuts and he killed himself and never went back. Fantastic.

1:23:57 Drew The sequel.

1:23:58 Adam All right. All right. Well, when the heated sofa and the attack crows come to fruition. Remember, remember, do you think somebody who was born in this time, you were there to see it, you went ahead into the future and saw it. You look at my head, but when I went through the porthole, which had to come through nude, by the way, I could, cause you know, you could flash, you can't, you can't get, you can't get them through portholes. It just doesn't work. I mean, come on, do the math. The point is, is my mind was erased when I came through the porthole. Okay?

1:24:29 Drew Okay.

1:24:29 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

1:24:38 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:24:48 Caller The one and only Live 105.

1:25:03 Adam Woo, get it on now. Got to get it on. Have no choice but to get it on. Why, Drew?

1:25:09 Drew Because we got to get it on.

1:25:11 Adam Yeah, well, because you're passionate, man.

1:25:12 Drew Oh, that's right. And you might drop Trow.

1:25:14 Adam I'll drop Trow.

1:25:15 Drew You might.

1:25:15 Caller You might be a wild man.

1:25:17 Drew You drop Trow. Adam is my ace. Drops Trow.

1:25:19 Adam Drop Trow. Drop Trow. Drop Trow.

1:25:23 Caller Meep, meep, meep, meep.

1:25:26 Drew Hey, Discovery Health Channel.

1:25:27 Adam How many beeps? How many beeps have you heard?

1:25:30 Drew Oh, by life?

1:25:31 Adam How many beeps have you heard that had no impact on your life? You're in the house.

1:25:34 Drew You're in a car. You're $7.50 versus one.

1:25:37 Adam One beep. I don't think I even have one. What do you do?

1:25:42 Drew I'm a curlier. I've occasionally heard one that, oh, oh, catch my attention. I got it.

1:25:45 Adam All right. Yeah, but that's maybe like, you maybe you're to like a Home Depot and the guy's backing a fork like that.

1:25:51 Drew It's literally someplace like where there's a hedge or something in there. You can't see the truck and it lets you know it's there.

1:25:57 Adam All right. All right.

1:25:58 Drew All right.

1:25:59 Adam So tonight, I'm going to run over a few stupid kids.

1:26:00 Drew At midnight, when this show ends, I want you all to help me out by tuning in on Discovery Health Channel.

1:26:04 Adam Mariah? I mean, Maria?

1:26:09 Caller Yeah.

1:26:11 Drew What's up? Yeah, what's going on?

1:26:16 Caller Um, I was molested or sexually abused when I was like three years old.

1:26:24 Drew Do you remember it?

1:26:25 Adam You know, pedophiles ought to have that beep, get the kids out of the way.

1:26:28 Drew Sure, you betcha.

1:26:29 Adam What's going on? Pants are coming down?

1:26:30 Drew Yeah, that stop sign that comes out like a school bus.

1:26:33 Adam Yeah, just gets you to clear out.

1:26:35 Drew Maria, what, do you remember all that? Do you remember what happened?

1:26:38 Caller Um, a little bit. I kind of tried to forget about it.

1:26:43 Drew Sure.

1:26:43 Caller So, I don't remember that much.

1:26:45 Drew Okay. What's your question? What the hell's going on there?

1:26:49 Caller Well, I remember that, um, well, it was my brother.

1:26:54 Drew What's your question?

1:26:56 Caller Okay. So, we used to, like, I used to think it was a game where I would be in the room and he would, like, steal me from the room and take me to his room and, um, do whatever he did. And, uh, I, I don't know, I didn't realize it until recently that that's kind of like, like, I've wanted to do that with my boyfriend, so.

1:27:24 Drew It's a crazy thing about trauma is that, uh, humans, when they've been traumatized, somehow want to re-create that in their present relationships. Either overtly and consciously or inadvertently and unconsciously. And, uh, in your case, you clearly have a desire to re-create it, and precisely as it was back then.

1:27:42 Adam Women seem to even have more of that gene than guys.

1:27:45 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:27:46 Adam Yeah. Uh, how long...

1:27:47 Caller Yeah, I didn't even know it was that. I-I didn't know why, but...

1:27:51 Drew No, I understand. It's just you get wired up that way. I mean, no one knows why humans do that. I-I really wonder what the evolutionary advantage of all that was.

1:27:57 Adam Well, all I know is I believe everything happens for a reason. Maria, so, uh, your brother molesting you when you were eight years old, you know... For me, you know, I believe everything happens for a reason. You know?

1:28:10 Caller Being molested when you were three.

1:28:12 Adam Oh, you were three?

1:28:13 Caller Yeah.

1:28:14 Adam Oh, well, I still believe that everything happens for a reason. You know? You know, Drew?

1:28:20 Drew Of course.

1:28:20 Adam Yeah.

1:28:20 Drew You've always said that.

1:28:21 Adam I always say that. That's what I believe. So, uh, Maria, have you gotten some therapy?

1:28:27 Caller No.

1:28:29 Adam How much? Oh, boy, life's gonna be tough. What are you doing right now? I mean, not this second, but are you working?

1:28:36 Caller Yeah, I'm about to graduate college.

1:28:39 Caller Good.

1:28:40 Adam Real college?

1:28:41 Caller Yeah. Uh, at UC Irvine.

1:28:44 Caller Yeesh.

1:28:45 Adam Really?

1:28:46 Drew What are you studying? What are you studying?

1:28:51 Caller Um, engineering.

1:28:54 Adam I knew it. What kind of engineering?

1:28:59 Caller Biomedical.

1:29:00 Drew Yeesh.

1:29:01 Caller Wow.

1:29:03 Adam Wow. What's your nationality?

1:29:06 Caller Um, I'm Hispanic.

1:29:11 Caller Woo-wee.

1:29:12 Adam Hold on, Drew. I am tumbling. It's like falling into that hat at the beginning of Lidsville. I don't know where I am. You know what I'm saying? It does work with the molestation part, but the bioengineer part, that's tough. Yeah. All right. Uh, you need to get yourself some therapy because of what happened to you. You're a smart person, but it doesn't matter how smart you are, you can't get over these kinds of traumas without a little therapy. Can you get a little therapy, Maria?

1:29:44 Drew Um, and, and, and by the way, uh, if you feel the need to reenact these things, these games, that's fine, but be prepared that it's going to evoke all kinds of, uh, unexpected feelings. Maybe be good, maybe we'll get you a real good look.

1:29:57 Caller Well, I don't really want to. I've just somehow, I don't know, I've always, like, thought about it and-

1:30:02 Adam All right. How long did this go on with your brother?

1:30:06 Caller Um, I think it was like two years or- Sheesh.

1:30:10 Adam And what's he doing? How much older is he than you?

1:30:14 Caller He's, um, eight years older.

1:30:17 Adam Wow. Wow.

1:30:18 Drew He was like 12?

1:30:20 Caller 11. Or seven and a half.

1:30:22 Drew Uh, somebody did something to him, too.

1:30:24 Adam Ooh. That's, uh, what's he doing now? Publicist?

1:30:28 Drew Jail?

1:30:29 Caller No.

1:30:29 Adam Or worse, publicist? Yeah?

1:30:32 Caller He's, I don't know, he's just working at an office job.

1:30:36 Adam All right. Sounds like a delight. Uh, get some therapy. And don't act this out. I, I, I don't think you should act out, because I think it's going to bring up shame. And then you'll get into one of those shame spirals.

1:30:47 Drew Will you start sobbing in the middle of sex, wondering why?

1:30:50 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, it's, it's, uh, don't pick the scab off this in the bedroom, do it in the therapist's office. Yes? All right. Where are we, Drew? Who do you want to talk to? Bloody stool.

1:31:02 Drew Yeah.

1:31:03 Adam Several narcotics. Once you sue a condom company because it broke, you can't sue a condom company, can you?

1:31:09 Drew No.

1:31:10 Adam Why not?

1:31:11 Drew But that's like suing a, I mean, you, what are you gonna do? These things are not perfect. They're not built as perfect.

1:31:16 Adam Well, I know, but you sue everyone else for everything else.

1:31:18 Drew And we lost the Bloody Stool Call.

1:31:20 Adam You're breaking my heart, Drew.

1:31:21 Drew Well, this one's been on hold the longest. All right.

1:31:23 Adam Line six?

1:31:24 Drew Yeah.

1:31:25 Adam Jennifer?

1:31:25 Caller Hi.

1:31:26 Caller Hey.

1:31:27 Caller How you doing?

1:31:28 Adam What's up?

1:31:28 Caller Adam Corolla.

1:31:30 Adam Corolla.

1:31:30 Caller That rocks. I can't wait to go see you.

1:31:32 Adam Thank you.

1:31:32 Caller Have everyone play.

1:31:33 Adam I got to tell you, summer's heating up.

1:31:35 Caller I know.

1:31:36 Drew We got a little league party on Saturday.

1:31:38 Adam Oh, you do?

1:31:38 Drew Will you come over and teach the kids?

1:31:40 Caller Oh, man. I'll bring the goggles and like little swimmies. It'll be a good time.

1:31:45 Adam Yeah, come on out. Do you look good in a two-piece?

1:31:47 Caller I'll tell you what. Minus the scars, I'm all right.

1:31:52 Drew What are the scars from?

1:31:53 Caller Yeah, I had back surgery.

1:31:54 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:31:55 Adam Yeah, okay. I can get past that.

1:31:57 Caller Yeah, you know.

1:31:58 Drew Here we go. We got 20 seconds.

1:31:59 Caller Give me some name for it. I went to the doctor and...

1:32:03 Adam Landing strength.

1:32:04 Drew Here we go.

1:32:05 Caller I'm not on birth control. I'm sexually active, but I am taking Soma Norco Ambien and I'm also on Lexapro. And he basically said those are pretty much gonna keep you from getting pregnant, so don't worry about it.

1:32:18 Drew They will not keep you from getting pregnant. You can't get pregnant when you're on those medicines.

1:32:22 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:32:24 Caller It's possible.

1:32:25 Drew Yes, it's possible.

1:32:26 Caller Don't add another medicine to your system.

1:32:28 Drew Meaning what? What medicine?

1:32:30 Caller Uh, just any type of oral birth control.

1:32:33 Adam Drew, you sounded sort of ambiguous too, which is you can't get pregnant by...

1:32:38 Caller No, no, no. He was saying kind of, don't worry about it. You're not gonna get pregnant because you're on...

1:32:42 Adam Drew was saying you can get pregnant, but it will harm the child.

1:32:46 Drew Correct. You've got to take some means of birth control when you're on those pills. That's bad advice.

1:32:53 Caller Okay. Well, this past year we haven't and I haven't, obviously, but it's...

1:32:57 Drew I'm just saying, whether it's condoms or something, you've got to do something because the pills you're on are not good for pregnancy.

1:33:04 Adam Yeah. So you can get pregnant with those...

1:33:06 Drew You will get pregnant and you can't harm the pregnancy with the pills you're on.

1:33:09 Adam Okay. Take a quick break. Be right back. Well, that's the show, y'all. Thanks for tuning in. Indeed. Plenty of show for you to plan tomorrow night. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005