Episode 1000706480973

0:05 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:09 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

0:12 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

0:15 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

0:17 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

0:21 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

0:30 Adam I'm Adam.

0:31 Adam That's Dr. Drew.

0:33 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

0:39 Drew You know what? I just got an award about an hour ago.

0:42 Adam Really?

0:43 Drew Named after David Arquette's mom.

0:46 Really?

0:47 Drew Yeah. The Southern California Counseling Center. Isn't that interesting?

0:49 Really? That's right.

0:52 Drew By the way, if people ever wonder if Adam and I actually talk before the show, this is living proof that we do not.

0:57 Adam Well, we got this. We got this little intercom system we can talk back and forth.

1:01 Drew What do we need air for to have discussions?

1:03 Adam What? Who? Where is it?

1:06 Drew I left without it.

1:08 Adam Oh, it's at home?

1:09 Drew No. It's still the people still have it that gave it to me. What? I had to get out. I had to go. They had to finish the ceremony.

1:14 Adam They hand you the award?

1:16 Drew What did you do?

1:17 Adam Leave it? What is it? It's not like the Stanley Cup or anything.

1:21 Drew No.

1:22 Adam People get to take turns carrying it around. Well, they called you up on stage and they gave you the award. And they handed it back to them and left?

1:31 Drew No. I actually didn't get it handed to me.

1:32 Adam Oh. Where is it?

1:34 Drew I don't know.

1:35 Adam They never presented it to you.

1:36 Drew There was actually pictures presenting, but then when the presentation actually happened, it didn't change hands.

1:40 So there you go.

1:43 Adam And what was the award?

1:45 Drew It was named after... She became a counselor, his mom, after...

1:49 Adam The Arquettes.

1:49 Drew Yeah.

1:50 Adam Roseanne Arquette.

1:51 Drew After raising her in that commune, she then became a pretty talented counselor and died of breast cancer.

1:57 Adam Oh. So they put an award in her name.

1:59 Drew Yeah.

2:00 Adam And then they give it out to who?

2:03 Drew To somebody every year. I got it this year.

2:04 Wow. Yeah. Nice.

2:06 Drew Then Tony Shalhoub got another one.

2:08 Adam What did he do?

2:09 Drew I don't know. I didn't stay for that because I had to go to do this.

2:11 Adam We didn't know what Tony Shalhoub got an award for?

2:13 Drew I didn't get to hear the history. They get up and tell the history of the award and stuff.

2:17 Adam I think he plays a nut job on TV.

2:19 Drew Yeah, well that's what they work for, obviously.

2:21 Adam Yeah, that's what you... No, no. He might get one for playing somebody with a syndrome.

2:27 Drew Maybe.

2:28 Adam In Monk, you know.

2:29 Drew Yeah, yeah.

2:29 Adam He's got that thing going.

2:31 Drew I actually invited him to be on this show and he's thinking about it.

2:33 Adam He is?

2:33 Yeah.

2:34 Adam All right.

2:35 Drew They took all the info. His assistant was very enthusiastic about it.

2:39 His assistant.

2:39 Drew Yeah.

2:40 Adam All right. Well, Drew, another award.

2:42 Drew Yeah.

2:42 Adam Something else to go on the mantle. We got a Shine Award, me and Drew. Oh, the Shine Awards. They used to give these Lucite, basically Washington Monument.

2:54 Drew Obelisk. Yeah. Small obelisk.

2:56 Adam Obelisk. Yeah. It's just a monolith, really made out of lucite. There was a time in the late 80s, early 90s, went all the way through the mid 90s, when they had no idea what to make trophies out of anymore, so they started making them out of clear plastic. It was really cool for like eight years and then it got horrible. But we won the Shine Award. What was the Shine Award?

3:19 Drew Sexual Health and Entertainment.

3:20 Adam Yeah, because from being on MTV, we were being very responsible.

3:24 Drew You never saw it that way, strangely.

3:27 Right, right.

3:28 Adam The Shine Award we won, we won a couple of years, but the Shine Award we won was the episode that Caroline Ray was on, and my Shine Award had Caroline Ray's name in large black letters, and then my name printed very small. I was probably on the bottom of the award. You'd have to peel the felt back and you could actually see my name. So I put it up on my mantelpiece, and every time someone would come over, they'd say, why do you have Caroline Ray's award? I'd say, yeah, it is kind of stupid to put the other person's name in huge letters and then ours in much smaller lettering because it doesn't seem like it's our award. So eventually I got a Sharpie, and I went over Caroline Ray's name.

4:09 Drew You got so tired of having to explain that.

4:11 Adam Well, then I had to explain why I took a Sharpie to care, because now people went up to it and went, why did you take a shoe polish to Caroline Ray's award?

4:18 Drew No, it's my, do you have a kid that lives here?

4:20 Did you take a crayon to this thing?

4:22 Adam No, that was just me, everybody.

4:23 Drew That was you in the middle of the night after you finished masturbating with your medicine, just looking and going, I got to change that.

4:29 Adam Right. Then the following year, we won a Shine Award.

4:32 Drew Yeah.

4:33 Adam Now, you recall what happened at that ceremony? No.

4:38 Drew No. Oh yes, you threw a tantrum.

4:40 Adam I had a tantrum.

4:40 Drew Yes, you had quite a tantrum.

4:42 A tantrum.

4:43 Drew Yes, I didn't realize that was that ceremony.

4:44 Adam A tantrum. And I'm not really tantrum-oriented. I have. I go on crazy jags.

4:50 Drew Yeah.

4:51 Adam But I'm not tantrum-oriented. This was a tantrum.

4:55 Drew It had something to do with the photographs.

4:56 Adam One year earlier, Drew and I had publicity photographs, which made me look like I had Down syndrome and made Drew look like he had spina bifida. You look like you're in a wheelchair and you're sort of half shaded and sort of look like you had some sort of spinal disease or something. Yeah. You look like Kimmy from South Park. You were sort of hunched over and sort of emaciated. I just, I just look like I had Down syndrome, really. And it was just Timmy and Jimmy everywhere. Look, I'm not that vain a guy. I really am. I'm really not. It was the worst picture I'd ever seen. Not of us, not of me. It's just the worst picture I've ever seen. It was comically bad. It's like what you do if you if you were effing with someone. This is the picture you would you would show them. Right. Right. So I said one year ago, one year before that, one year before that, this picture, it's got to it's got to be gone. It's got to be gone by this time next year at the Shine Awards or something. I've got to throw a tantrum or whatever it is. And something happened where it was the next year at the Shine Awards and where, oh, you know what it was? We were in the we're standing and thinking, I said, walk down the red carpet.

6:01 Drew Yeah.

6:02 Adam And I take some pictures.

6:03 Drew Yeah.

6:03 Adam And I said, oh, pictures. That's right. You'd like me to take some pictures. But none of you idiots. And then everyone around me was the producers and it was our manager and everyone. And everyone kept trying to cool me down. And I kept pointing at the next person, go, you didn't do anything either. Eventually, I told everyone to f off and I just left. You didn't even say I didn't go to the awards.

6:23 Drew Oh, really? I forgot.

6:24 Yeah, big, big thing.

6:25 Drew But, Drew, well, went down in history as a major event. We talk about it all the time still.

6:30 Adam I'm just saying, Drew.

6:31 Drew Yeah, yeah.

6:32 Adam Not everyone a year to get in a picture. F off.

6:35 Drew You know what?

6:36 Adam Kiss my took I.

6:39 Drew I'm a little bit.

6:40 Adam You start.

6:41 Drew Yeah, I'm a little fearful of how much your stuff I've taken on over the years. Then I didn't understand, but there was great wisdom in that.

6:49 Adam Let me ask Michelle.

6:50 Michelle.

6:57 Drew Great wisdom in that moment. And I have been praying at the altar of that wisdom for quite some time.

7:02 Adam Okay. Listen, everybody, let's go. Let's take some calls. Well, I'm saying you can ask. The first time asked nicely. The second time asked sort of nicely, a little more sternly. The third time, F off.

7:12 Drew By the way, that was not the third time.

7:13 Adam That was the 28th time.

7:14 F off.

7:15 Adam I know. Shauna. Oh, God, we got to find that picture. Find that picture.

7:22 Drew I'm trying to find one.

7:23 Adam All right. You're 16. Shauna, what's up?

7:25 Adam Hey. Oh my God.

7:26 I love you guys.

7:28 Drew Shauna.

7:28 Adam Thanks, baby doll. Yeah.

7:31 I actually have three questions, but you want me to ask you the first one now?

7:34 Drew Ask all of them.

7:35 Adam Here you go. Ask us the second one. Then we'll go back to the first and then we'll do the third.

7:39 Drew Two, one, three.

7:40 Adam All right. It's our favorite pattern. Here we go. All right.

7:43 My question is, is every time I masturbate, it's really hard for me to, so I push really hard.

7:47 Adam Okay. Hold on. Hold on, sweetie. That's the third question. We said two, one, three.

7:54 All right. Okay. Fine.

7:55 Two and three.

7:57 Should I move in with my boyfriend after I graduate from high school?

8:00 Drew No.

8:00 Like we get an apartment together?

8:02 Drew No.

8:02 Adam Who? No. We Mr. Ape all over here?

8:04 Drew No. I'd say no. I'd say no. No, no, no. Go to college.

8:08 Adam Well, after high school? Wait. What grade are you in?

8:12 I'm in a junior right now.

8:14 Drew You go to Muir or PHS?

8:17 I go to Poly.

8:18 Drew Oh. That's where my kids go.

8:19 Adam That's right. Uh-oh.

8:20 Yeah.

8:22 I love you, Drew. I love you.

8:23 Adam Yeah. She's going to pollute the pond, Drew. Uh-oh. Don't hang out with Drew's kids. You don't need them soiled.

8:31 Drew Now, why don't you go to college?

8:33 Well, the thing is that I have ADD, but the colleges won't let me, like, they won't let me get the extra time on SATs. So even though I was getting, like, 2100s out of 2400s on the new thing, now I'm getting 1620s because I don't get extra time.

8:48 Drew All right. But, Sean, go to college. Just honestly, just go to college. Don't worry about the boyfriend. You work on yourself. Focus on what makes you happy.

8:58 Well, yeah. I'm going to go to college. I just want to know if I could live with them at the same time.

9:02 Drew It usually doesn't work out. It's to try to sustain a high school relationship through college. You can do it, but it...

9:10 Adam We're living together. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, Shana. First off, you're trying to figure this out. You got a year and change before we're getting to this point. You guys will probably be broken up by that point anyway.

9:26 Caller Well, you're supposed to.

9:28 Drew Okay, but you're supposed to.

9:29 Adam Let's put it that way. Let me say something true.

9:33 Drew By the way, she cannot ask those other questions.

9:35 Adam I don't want to sound kind of sending. All right, just listen to me.

9:38 Drew But if she's on ADD medication, that may be why she's having to do that so vigorously.

9:42 Adam When you're a kid and you're young, you sort of fantasize. You go, we're going to start our own business, man. We're going to be rock stars. We're going to be professional athletes.

9:53 Drew High school students will never, we'll see each other forever. We'll never let go of this relationship.

9:57 Adam There's a lot of fantasy. Even in high school, there's a lot of fantasy.

10:00 Drew Even in high school. That's what it peaks.

10:03 Adam Well, no, but what I'm saying is, when you're in high school, you don't exactly have that, we're all going to live on an island in Hawaii and surf professionally. But you do have that, we'll know each other forever, we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend or best friends forever. Why crap on that dream at this stage of the game?

10:20 Drew No, right.

10:21 Adam Why not say, yeah, yeah, go ahead and move out with them in a year and a half, and they'll be broken up.

10:25 Drew Her being in the relationship throughout high school is not a bad thing, right? It's a good thing, stable, blah, blah, blah. But I just want her to be realistic. I don't want her to subjugate or sort of put as a lesser priority her education. That needs to go first. Then the boyfriend thing, okay, if it works out fine.

10:42 Adam Shana.

10:43 Drew Yes?

10:43 Adam Okay, now what's the other question?

10:45 Drew No, no, no. Drew doesn't want to hear it?

10:47 Adam Why?

10:48 Drew Just.

10:49 Adam Because you go to school with these people? I'll answer it.

10:52 Drew I'm leaving the room.

10:53 Adam All right, Drew's leaving.

10:54 Drew But it may be the medication, Sean, so I'll be back when Adam's done.

10:57 Go ahead.

10:58 All right, well, I was wondering if, is it possible to...

11:00 Adam Hold on. Drew, you should be punching out, by the way. You should be on the clock. You punch out. Punch out.

11:08 Drew The clock?

11:08 Caller Punch.

11:10 Adam Punch out.

11:11 Drew Out the clock?

11:11 Adam Punch out.

11:14 Drew The clock?

11:15 Adam How many things do you punch out? You think you can punch out a calendar? Of course you punch out a clock. Shauna?

11:23 Caller Hello.

11:25 Adam Okay. What's the other question? Here's the thing. Drew's kids go to your school. He's freaked out.

11:29 Caller Oh, it's okay. I see him all the time. I played with this kid last year during the carnival.

11:33 Adam You go to the Little Lord Fauntleroy School for albino hemophiliacs?

11:41 Caller Yeah.

11:42 Adam Okay.

11:42 Caller Nice.

11:44 Adam What's the name of the football team?

11:46 Caller I don't know. The Panthers.

11:47 Caller We're the Poly Panthers.

11:48 Caller Oh, alliteration.

11:50 Adam I like that.

11:52 Caller Yeah.

11:52 Adam Yeah. If you don't go to college, I think you'll be the first kid who went to Poly who didn't go to college.

11:58 Caller I'm going to community college for two years.

12:02 Adam They may put a hit squad on you. Yeah.

12:04 Caller I know. They hate me right now.

12:05 Adam They will kill you. You understand that is like rubbing a fecal matter on their good name.

12:12 That's true.

12:13 Adam Yeah. Do you know Drew went to Poly? He's kids are legacies.

12:20 Oh, cool.

12:21 Adam Yeah. Okay. So go ahead, Shannon. You've been going there your whole life?

12:26 Caller No, just in sixth grade.

12:28 Adam Sixth grade on? Okay. I just got to the question, Drew.

12:31 Drew I heard something distressing.

12:32 Adam What's that?

12:33 Drew It's about a junior college?

12:36 Adam Drew's upset about the junior college.

12:39 Drew I'm back talking about that. That's more important.

12:41 Adam Drew's very upset that someone from his alma mater may end up going to a junior college. And like I said, I don't know if that's allowed. I mean, they may put you in the ground before they... They'll make it look like an accident, cut the brake lines.

12:55 Drew Sean, come on. You got the 2100 going. Let's find a school that pits her or something that really looks at these things more progressively.

13:02 Adam Yeah. It'll be one of those scenes from Goodfellas where it's like, what happened to Sean? Has she got a fire accident? Ah, she's gone and that's that. But what? That's that. And they just move on.

13:14 Caller Right? That's it.

13:16 Adam And there's nothing anyone could do about it.

13:18 Drew Anyway, Sean, the problem you're having otherwise is probably for your medication, your ADD meds. So I'm going to talk to Dr. Bynum.

13:23 Adam Master Bates.

13:23 Caller A little blah-blah-blah-blah. Drew doesn't want to talk about that.

13:26 Adam All right. I just want to say Bynum. Sean?

13:29 Caller Yes?

13:30 Drew Sean, you can ask me in the privacy of the campus there.

13:33 Adam Yeah.

13:33 Drew I'll talk to you there, okay?

13:34 Caller I can't ask you a really quick question?

13:36 Adam What is it?

13:37 Caller Okay. Well, can you make your clip smaller by the way?

13:41 Adam Drew's too freaked out because she goes to Drew's kids high school. Well, it's not their high school. It's their nursery. It's their kindergarten. It's grade school. It's junior high and it's high school, right? It goes all the way through?

13:52 Drew Yeah, all the way through, yeah.

13:53 Adam First grade?

13:54 Drew Kindergarten. Pre-kindergarten.

13:57 Adam Wow. Oh, indoctrination. Yeah. Hitler Youth. Yeah. Goose steppin in the first grade.

14:02 Drew Right.

14:03 Adam Then it's oven building in the third grade and then it's...

14:06 Drew Easy.

14:07 Adam Yeah.

14:08 Drew All right. No, nothing will do that, but your medicines, your medicines.

14:11 Adam Easy on the meds. Oh, her parents are pissed. Let's...

14:15 Caller Hey, real quick before we move on.

14:17 Drew Yeah.

14:17 Caller I just went to the Fecal Matter for Sales site again, because I wanted to show my friend. And all the same names are up there, except some of the prices have changed.

14:24 Drew Mine's gone up.

14:25 Caller No, yours is... They're having an overstock sale.

14:28 Caller Oh, they got to move it. It's Dealing Days on Drew's Poo.

14:31 Caller And the bacteria is a special promotion. It's also been cut.

14:35 Drew My bacteria?

14:36 Caller Yeah, but no one else's has changed. Wow. So they obviously heard you talking about it on air.

14:40 Adam Wow.

14:41 Drew Dealing Days.

14:42 Adam Well, here's the thing. We're overstocked with Drew's Poo. We got to move it this weekend. No reasonable offer refused. Yeah. Yeah. You go down to...

14:53 Drew What's the site?

14:54 Adam Well, it's John Baker, the deal maker. He's the guy who's moving that dude.

14:58 Drew Wait, but what's the site? What's the site?

15:00 Adam Five bucks over... If people get over-invoice...

15:01 Caller Clever enough with Google, they can find it.

15:03 Drew Well, what is it?

15:04 Caller It's one of those ones that goes on and on. Plus, do we want to poo?

15:08 Adam It's too long, Drew.

15:08 Drew Oh, I see. The address is too long.

15:10 Adam Yeah.

15:10 Drew I got it.

15:11 Adam One dollar over-invoice.

15:12 Drew But it's Celebrity Poo and Bacteria, right? They're overstocked. What bacteria do they get from it?

15:16 Caller Just like Celebrity Fecal Sale.

15:18 Drew Oh, thank you, Anderson. Oh, yeah.

15:20 Adam Let me tell you, I like the commercials, the car commercials, where the guy is explaining that if the boss finds out he ordered too many scions, he's going to get fired, so he's got to move them quick.

15:31 Caller He's got to move them quick for the boss to find out.

15:34 Adam They're overstocked. It's dealing days.

15:36 Drew I overstocked. You benefit.

15:37 Adam Yeah.

15:38 Drew I made a mistake. I like that.

15:39 Adam I like that, too. I always like the one dollar over-invoice one, too. So let's see. That Lincoln, that Ford Explorer, you're selling me for $27,596. You guys just make one dollar on that? Well, you'd have to sell a lot of them. I mean, this is pretty big car lot. You got a pretty big nut. Just the lease alone, you have to sell thousands of them in a day just to make that. All right, Drew, you're disturbed? All right. They're dealing on Drew's fecal matter.

16:11 Drew I thought it was like a one-two punch for me.

16:13 Adam Here's the thing when it comes to celebrity fecal matter. Buy low, sell high. That's how I am.

16:19 Drew That's why you're a millionaire.

16:20 Adam Teresa? Yeah. I didn't get where I am by paying retail for celebrity fecal. Teresa?

16:28 Adam Yes.

16:29 Adam You're 19?

16:30 Caller Yes, I am.

16:31 Adam What's up?

16:32 Adam Okay.

16:33 Caller I can't have an orgasm. Yeah. Me and my boyfriend have been together forever. We're completely comfortable. Hey, if you can have an orgasm, you'd be crying too.

16:44 Drew Well, now wait a minute. Now, wait a minute. Why is it so necessary if it's something that doesn't happen? You see what I'm saying? If you needed to have one, you'd have one.

16:53 Caller Because everyone's telling me how much I'm missing out. And my boyfriend, like, he's- like, it's not a big deal for me because, like, we have a great sex life and it feels good. I'm not going to say it doesn't, but I just never get-

17:06 Drew Theresa, you probably haven't- I'm of the opinion that women's- many women don't really sort of come on line with this till they're in their early 20s. It's not something that's going to happen no matter how hard you try. Your brain has to develop a little further. Some other things have to happen. Maybe it's on the level of spinal mechanisms. This is an example of something I call receptivity. Women can have perfectly satisfying sexual experiences just with the experience of being closed and being receptive without orgasm. Men cannot understand how it could be satisfying without an orgasm.

17:39 Adam We get blue balls.

17:40 Drew Right. Your orgasm function is...

17:41 Adam We get punished by our own scrotum sack if we don't have an orgasm.

17:44 Drew Right. Your drive orgasm doesn't...

17:46 Adam Physically, literally punished by our own scrotum.

17:50 Drew And that's a life-long...

17:51 Adam Literally punished.

17:52 Caller Literally punishing.

17:53 Drew Literally, much of your life...

17:54 Adam Literally disciplined by our own sack.

17:57 Drew And with your scrotum, the way it's taking over...

17:59 Adam It's thoroughly brought to my knee. Well, it's 50% of my mass.

18:02 Drew It's not brought to you. It's to your knees now.

18:04 Adam It's on my knee.

18:05 Drew Yeah. And so, Teresa, this isn't going to happen to you until things sort of... Well, that's for a while.

18:12 Adam How's the oral? You enjoy oral sex?

18:15 Caller Yeah, I do, actually. Like, I've tried everything. Like, I know I've had my...

18:19 Drew It will happen. It will happen when it's supposed to happen.

18:22 Adam How about when you're alone? How about a vibrator?

18:24 Caller Okay. Yeah, see, that's the problem is I feel awkward and I can't do it by myself.

18:28 Adam Okay.

18:29 Caller All right.

18:29 Adam Well, there you go.

18:30 Drew You got to get through that a little bit.

18:31 Adam And by the way...

18:32 Drew Bathtub, bathtub's another way.

18:33 Adam Ooh, forgot about the tub.

18:36 Drew The shower head, whatever.

18:37 Adam Yeah, yeah. Here's the whole thing. If you're uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that you can't be alone and take care of yourself, then you're just what Drew said. You're not online yet. You're not ready.

18:52 Drew Right.

18:53 Adam I mean, that's just...

18:54 Drew I mean, Adam, can you imagine that?

18:56 Adam I do my best work alone. You know what I'm saying? That's when I shine. I wish I had tape of myself. Or you think I've got that shine of work.

19:06 Caller Yeah.

19:07 Adam I mean, you know what I mean? It's that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. You know? I mean, I'm alone. I'm a ninja. I'm a mania. Anyone else in the room?

19:19 Drew What are you, a ninja or a mania?

19:21 Adam I'm a ninja-neck.

19:22 Drew Ninja-mania.

19:23 Adam And then a ninja-neck. Yeah, a man and ninch. Let's take a break, Drew. Who we got to talk to? What happened to my big jugs call?

19:32 Drew I know, dropped off. Oh, wait, here they are down here. Here she is, here she is.

19:35 Adam Huh?

19:36 Drew Oh, quiet your heart, quiet your heart.

19:39 Caller That was close.

19:40 Adam Kelly?

19:41 Caller Yes.

19:42 Adam 21?

19:43 Caller Yes.

19:45 Caller What's going on?

19:47 Caller Well, about a year ago, I had experienced amenorrhea due to bad proportions of muscle, the fat and what not, and my parents encouraged me to go to counseling for body image problems. It wasn't, I wasn't like starving myself. I was eating sort of a weird diet, a lot of protein.

20:06 Drew Hold on.

20:06 Adam What did she say?

20:07 Drew Amenorrhea? She stopped, her period stopped because she lost so much weight.

20:12 Adam What did she say though?

20:13 Drew Amenorrhea, which means, she didn't say that, then she says she's pretty mispronounced. So it's really, it's actually technically oligomanorrhea that she had. Yeah. And she lost a lot of weight. She had clearly a body image problem, probably some form of an eating disorder and she was sent to counseling. Okay.

20:30 Adam So period stopping amenorrhea?

20:32 Caller Well, actually since then I have put back on the appropriate amount of weight and I started just sort of a generic estrogen hormone therapy to start my periods back up. And I'm off the estrogen now because my periods started and they've been happening every other week now. And my breast went from a decap to a double E. Over like the course of about two months on the estrogen.

20:59 Drew Double E?

21:00 Adam I don't know. Everyone just sort of make things up.

21:03 Drew It's not Kelly making it up, it's whoever's making her bra.

21:06 Adam Right. Now what are your dimensions?

21:10 Caller I have a 40 double E breast and then a 30 inch waist and 40 inch hips. I'm six feet tall.

21:16 Adam Ooh, wow. How much do you weigh?

21:22 Caller I weighed myself on Monday. I weighed 172.

21:25 Adam I could do some radio math but we don't have time.

21:28 Drew So Kelly, I have a feeling, I actually have a strange feeling she actually weighs less than that.

21:32 Adam 172?

21:33 Drew I actually have a strange feeling that she's over.

21:36 Adam Really?

21:36 Drew Yeah. She has to keep herself, you know, eating less.

21:39 Caller Okay.

21:40 Adam What, how low did you get? It's your lowest weight.

21:44 Caller I weighed 130.

21:45 Adam Ooh, 130. Six foot. Yeah. So now what's the question then?

21:53 Caller How do I make the period stop? And well, and the breasts are causing me pain and I want to avoid surgery if possible. I mean, 21 years old is a little too young to be.

22:03 Drew Are you, are you exercising regularly?

22:05 Caller I do. I, I, that's pretty much why I went through the amenary in the first place.

22:11 Drew If you want to, if you want, you were, so you're an exercise, a compulsive exerciser too, huh?

22:15 Caller Well, I, all through high school as an athlete and just, it got worse and worse. I was spending six hours in the gym some day.

22:20 Drew So the answer is yes, you're compulsive exerciser.

22:22 Adam How much did you weigh when you're compulsively exercising?

22:25 Caller That was when I weighed 130.

22:26 Drew All right, you need to go, well.

22:28 Adam Well, look, let me say this. Am I off here? Could you, could you lose, could you get down to 155 or something? My boobs might shrink a little.

22:40 Caller Well, I've been exercising. It's just my, my doctor, my therapist actually encouraged me to eat, you know, normal meals. I was eating a lot of protein. I mean, it was kind of like the Atkins diet, but not for the, you know, the same reasons. I was lifting a lot of weights and trying to maintain muscle bulk and.

22:58 Drew All right, listen. Kelly, you may need to get on a birth control pill if you want to regulate your periods.

23:04 Caller How do I make the periods stop?

23:08 Drew If you want to stop, you can go on DepoProvera, but that may affect your mood a little bit.

23:12 Adam And there's some nuttiness here.

23:15 Drew Yeah.

23:15 Caller How do I make the periods stop?

23:17 Caller Yeah, it's haunting.

23:20 Adam Kelly, so you're talking to a therapist. Do you have a therapist or is it just a doctor?

23:26 Caller I have a gynecologist and a therapist, so I'm both seeing right now for...

23:30 Drew That's good. By the way, having your period every two weeks is no big deal.

23:34 Adam No.

23:35 Drew Why are you so freaked out about that?

23:36 Adam Mm-hmm, I don't know. Let's take a commercial.

23:39 Drew But the point is, your period, the probability is, if you regulate your diet, exercise regularly, the periods will regularize on their own. They will reestablish themselves. If you want to go on a couple cycle of birth control pill to try to get it sort of on line a little bit or back in line, you can do that, but the estrogens obviously may make you gain more weight.

23:57 Adam They may make your breasts even bigger. Very, very disappointing big jug call, Drew. I gotta tell you, that just laid there flat. You know what?

24:08 Drew I thought it was kind of interesting.

24:08 Adam May as well have a cups with that.

24:11 Caller How do I make the period stop?

24:13 Adam Amen, and re-end the period. Here's the whole thing.

24:16 Drew Yeah.

24:17 Adam The big jugs is evened out. The flame of the big jugs is doused by the baking soda of the period.

24:25 Adam So you can't stand the period talk, huh?

24:27 Adam I don't like the period talk. Well, you know, it's like taking your, it's like for me, it's like taking, you know when you have a stew or salad or something you really like, and then somebody puts a bunch of crap in it that you don't like. Or is it like, why do they f it up?

24:41 Drew Or like you're about to eat some sausage and somebody wants to show you pictures of the slaughterhouse or something.

24:47 Adam Yeah, you know what's in that? Do you, you're in animal hostilities. It's like, oh, listen, Stoner, can I just finish my goddamn sausage wiener, please? I just want to put some wiener in my mouth. Can I just chug some wiener, please? Please? I've been dying.

25:05 Drew Please put that on real, please?

25:06 Adam I've been dying to chug wiener all day. I've been thinking about it at work. I couldn't wait until the weekend came when it was wiener chugging time. And you had to come over and get between my mouth and the wiener.

25:18 Drew Oh, wiener, wiener chugging.

25:21 Caller Wiener chugging, chugging time. It feels so good.

25:28 Adam And that's a real good time.

25:29 Caller Hey now, hey now, hey now.

25:31 Did you party too much for Cinco de Mayo or what?

25:34 Caller Yeah, baby.

25:35 Adam I'm in a good mood tonight. We're going to keep this party train a-rollin.

25:38 All right, let's go.

25:38 Adam All right, we'll be back after this.

25:44 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

25:47 Loveline will be right back.

26:06 Adam Yeah, everybody. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

26:11 Drew Finger poppin.

26:13 Caller It's finger poppin time. Finger poppin, poppin time.

26:23 Adam It's a hot song.

26:25 Caller Hot, yes.

26:26 Drew That's the word that comes to mind.

26:27 Adam All right.

26:27 Caller Here we go.

26:29 Adam Let's hop to the phone, Drew.

26:31 Drew Veronica, who's 16?

26:32 Adam Veronica?

26:33 Adam Yeah.

26:34 Adam What's happenin?

26:36 Um, well, I laugh really hard whenever I kiss somebody.

26:45 Adam Like full on laugh.

26:47 And the guys that I make out with, they get really pissed off.

26:51 Drew Are you giggling like it's something that makes you uncomfortable?

26:55 No, just giggling like it's funny.

27:00 Adam Who's that?

27:02 Drew I gotta hear this.

27:02 Adam That's your mom?

27:03 Mm-hmm.

27:04 Adam Wow.

27:05 Drew They could call you again.

27:06 Adam Is she a sea hag? Tell her, take that pipe out of her mouth where she calls you. She's smoking a corn cob pipe. She's got a scarf over her head. She's all hunched over.

27:16 Drew I just imagine her standing outside a lighthouse.

27:19 Adam Smoking that pipe, big nose. Got one of those big warts on there. Big warts on the hair coming out. Yeah. Let's hear. What's she yelling about?

27:31 Hold on.

27:32 Drew No, no, no.

27:33 What?

27:34 Drew We don't know what she's yelling about.

27:35 She's yelling at me.

27:37 Adam Why? Because I'm on the phone.

27:39 Adam Can we talk to her?

27:41 No.

27:42 Drew She's what?

27:43 Crazy.

27:44 Adam She's not.

27:45 Drew What do you mean she's crazy?

27:45 Adam What's she got?

27:46 No, nothing. I just think she's crazy.

27:49 Drew Okay. Are you Hispanic? Are you Hispanic?

27:53 Caller Yeah.

27:55 Oh my God, Mom. You're doing it on purpose.

28:05 Drew What's she saying, Michelle? What's she saying?

28:07 Adam She's talking Mexican.

28:07 Drew Michelle can translate.

28:09 I think she's mad because she's talking long distance or something.

28:11 No, she's just mad when we get on the phone.

28:14 Adam She doesn't like you on the phone?

28:15 Drew She gives you that, whoo.

28:16 Yeah.

28:18 Adam Hey, listen, when people call and they go, yeah, is Veronica there? Does she go, whoo?

28:24 Caller And you go, Veronica, no, no, she's not here.

28:28 Adam And freak everyone out or can she just, whoo?

28:32 Drew I don't like that.

28:32 She's really normal.

28:34 Drew You said she was difficult.

28:36 Adam You said she was nuts.

28:37 No, I call her crazy because sometimes she gets really funny.

28:40 Adam We call that loco.

28:42 Drew All right. So Veronica, now, is this, is, you know, some people get, she laughs. Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable. They laugh when they're ashamed.

28:49 Adam Yeah. You're 16 and you're shy.

28:52 Drew Is it that?

28:52 Adam Is that true? Yeah.

28:54 Drew All right. So it just sort of, if it's that uncomfortableness that evokes a laughter.

29:00 Adam What? You know, the thing, there's a weird thing, like Latin chicks are usually kind of shy when they, they're also more likely to stab you than other chicks, too, which is a weird, it's a weird duality. It shows range to me. There's the number one shy chicks, also number one chiv chicks.

29:20 Drew Is that true?

29:21 Adam They put a chiv in there. I'm going out on a limb and going, yeah, yeah, I think so. You know, even the gangbanger chicks, you know, they're shy, but they'll catch you.

29:30 Drew Oh, I see. I see. In other words, other ethnicities, they wouldn't be shy if they were to chiv you.

29:35 Adam Here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. Black chicks, they're extroverts and they...

29:41 Drew You know the one that could put you to jail.

29:42 Adam They might put a smack down on you too.

29:44 Drew Right, right. All right?

29:45 Adam Asian chicks, they're quiet, but they ain't gonna stick you.

29:50 Drew Mexican chick... Did you see Kill Bill too?

29:52 Adam Mexican chick got a little range.

29:53 Drew Did you see Kill Bill?

29:54 Adam I'm talking range. I'm talking shy.

29:56 Drew I'm just saying. I saw what happened in that movie.

29:58 Adam I'm talking shy and will cut you.

30:00 Drew Okay.

30:00 Adam You don't see that.

30:01 Drew That combo.

30:02 Adam It's rangy.

30:03 Drew The combo.

30:03 Adam Anyone who thinks I'm saying that's bad, oh, contrary. I'm saying you're showing range. Am I right, Veronica?

30:10 Okay.

30:11 Adam You're shy, but you'd put a shiv in somebody if you had to, right?

30:15 It's really true.

30:16 Adam I am.

30:16 I get shy and then I get like I have to pay and I'm like, I'm like, what the hell am I doing?

30:22 Adam Right.

30:22 Drew All right.

30:22 Adam Then the stabbing begins.

30:23 Drew You need to get a boyfriend, Veronica. Just get somebody you can learn to feel comfortable with. So the laughter is a behavior. And it's a behavior around discomfort. If you learn to be more comfortable, it's like any other sort of behavior that you need to extinguish. You got to have experience of closeness without laughing and magically laugh.

30:41 Adam You need a boyfriend. Do you have a boyfriend? No.

30:45 Drew She lost it everything.

30:46 Adam Listen, it's probably good.

30:48 Drew Yeah, it protects her.

30:51 Adam I realize too, as I think about it, we never really talk, it just popped in my head, her laughing. But it popped in my head that we always talk about people and what they look like physically and all that kind of stuff. If you have a good mouth, it'll get you far.

31:09 Drew A good mouth?

31:10 Adam A good mouth. A good making out mouth.

31:13 Drew You mean the actual structure of the mouth?

31:15 Adam Actual shape, your lips, your teeth, whether you're one of those guys who has sort of mealy mouths or mushy mouths.

31:20 Drew If you're just a big pair of lips and nice white straight teeth attached to whatever, you're good to go.

31:26 Adam I would say as a guy, it'll get you mileage. As a girl, not so much. Just listen to me.

31:38 Drew There's nothing visual in a guy that routinely gets you mileage.

31:43 Adam The mouth, I believe, gets you more mileage. It gets you closer to the makeout. It gets you closer to the kissin and that kind of stuff.

31:51 Drew Well, I'll agree with you this far, that a gross, a grody mouth is a kind of close you out. It can close you out.

31:58 Adam But think about this. Hold on for a second, Drew. Hold on.

32:01 Drew Okay. Okay.

32:02 Adam Just think about it.

32:02 Drew I'm in. Okay.

32:03 Adam Think about it.

32:03 Drew I'm thinking.

32:04 Adam Think about the celebrity males. Yes. I don't know, Tom Cruise or Sean Penn or whoever it is, or whoever today's heartthrob de jure is, Hugh Grant, whoever. When you really take guys and you sort of break them down physically, Hugh Grant's physique is no nicer than any guy you know.

32:25 Drew Right.

32:25 Adam Right.

32:25 Drew Right.

32:26 Adam I mean, from the neck down, is there a big difference?

32:29 Drew No.

32:30 Adam Not really. You go to junior college, there's 500 guys running around, look better with their shirt off, right? Okay. Just stick with me. Stick with me. Hair, nice, but again, every guy I work with over at Kimmel has a nice set of hair for the most part, except for a guy named Gary, who's bald.

32:50 Drew But that's cool.

32:50 Adam I promised him I wouldn't bring his name up, but what are you going to do?

32:53 Drew It's uncomfortable.

32:53 Adam It's uncomfortable. Eyes. Now, there's a lot of guys who do have nice eyes.

33:00 Drew Doesn't matter.

33:01 Adam Blue eyes, whatever.

33:02 Drew Doesn't seem to matter.

33:02 Adam Nice nose. Well, we're going through process of elimination now.

33:06 Drew But nose and chin does matter.

33:08 Adam Nose and chin is a factor.

33:10 Drew And then symmetry.

33:11 Adam Nose. But here's the thing about nose.

33:12 Drew Symmetry.

33:13 Adam Symmetry, yes. Some of these guys' nose actually is big. Tom Cruise does not have a great nose.

33:19 Drew Right, right. It's just, it's...

33:21 Adam If you isolate Tom Cruise's nose and have done it.

33:25 Drew I think if you put adjectives to the male sort of features, you'd put symmetry and strength. You would, right? You put a strong nose, strong nose.

33:33 Adam Now we're getting down to the mouth.

33:34 Drew Yeah.

33:36 Adam And chin.

33:37 Drew The mouth is soft and big and those words aren't strong.

33:40 Adam I'm saying that these guys, when you take a look at all the heart throbs, most... The thing they all have going for them is that that area, the size of...

33:53 Drew It's a big mouth.

33:54 Adam Just listen to me, goofball. The size of a coffee cup, the opening in a coffee cup, that one area with butts up to the bottom of your nose and goes to your chin, that area right there. That's what sells it because everyone, like I said, better physique, it's not your forehead, your hair. Yes, there's symmetry. Yes, there's the way it all ties in, but it's that mouth.

34:13 Drew I think you might be right.

34:14 Adam Thank you.

34:15 Drew Yes.

34:15 Adam Thank you, Michelle.

34:17 Drew Because when you say... No, I agree. Because when you're really talking about jaw...

34:20 Adam You're talking about jaw and sort of mouth, lips, and that whole area. It's just right.

34:25 Drew You're a lesbian.

34:26 Adam It's just an area right here.

34:28 Drew Are you a lesbian?

34:29 Adam Yeah. But she can have opinions as long as it's about softball.

34:34 Drew It's a... And bowling. And bowling. And female.

34:36 Adam And female.

34:37 Drew No, no, but she's a female. She gives a female opinion.

34:39 Adam That's right. That's right.

34:41 Drew She doesn't experience arousal in the response to those things.

34:44 Adam No, she doesn't.

34:44 Drew Right? But you can have the same sensibilities. Yeah.

34:47 Adam Well, hold on a second. Tom Cruise, wouldn't...

34:50 He's a good looking guy.

34:51 Drew So yeah, you're a lesbian.

34:53 Adam Would you let him, you know, sit down there on you?

34:56 No.

34:56 Drew Is there a guy, is there a male that would do it? Is there a male that sort of you look and go, oh, that may be...

35:01 He's pretty. Well, I think like Brad Pitt is pretty. But I know, I think that the ladies go after the physique of a guy as well as the face, but...

35:15 Drew Not very often.

35:16 Adam Really?

35:16 Drew Surprisingly little, it seems like.

35:18 Adam They do, but here's the whole thing.

35:20 Drew They react to it and then they're over it very fast.

35:23 Adam Most, here's all I'm saying. If you go to almost any park in any city in any state in the country on a weekend, you will see eight guys playing pick up basketball in shorts who have as good a physique or better as the heartthrob hunks do.

35:40 Drew Right. It's not the bodybuilder type, it's sort of like a swimmer.

35:45 Adam Yeah. The guys who aren't fat.

35:47 Drew They aren't fat. Not being fat gets a lot of mileage.

35:51 Adam That's always been my claim to fame. Hey, ladies, I'm not fat.

35:55 And you have pretty feet.

35:57 Adam I have beautiful feet.

35:57 Drew And people love giving you oral.

35:59 Adam They love giving me oral and I have soft skin and I'm graceful. I'm like a swan. I know what the ladies like. They like giving me oral. All right. Let's check in with Amy before we go to break. Amy? Yes. You get a vagina. I don't want any vagina calls. Bleeds anally.

36:19 Drew You want that?

36:21 Adam I don't want it, but I'd like to talk to somebody who has it. Sarah?

36:25 Yes.

36:25 Adam Twenty?

36:26 Yes.

36:27 Adam Anal bleeding?

36:29 Caller Usually just when I need the restroom.

36:31 Drew Oh, just when she's in the restroom.

36:33 Adam Oh, only when you're on number two. It doesn't come out of your ass when you're, let's say, sitting at work.

36:39 Drew At class. It's cool.

36:40 Adam Okay. Hold on a second. We'll talk to Sarah about the anal bleeding after this. Yeah. The Cucaracha, everybody.

37:01 Drew Why would this in ranchero music? Real authentic.

37:03 Adam A little Cinco de Mayo for your ass. Let me just tell you something. As a country, it's bad when the song most associated with your country is about a cockroach. If you're going to think about it. This be like if the number one song in the United States was, Hey, the cockroach, hey, the cockroach.

37:22 Caller Yeah.

37:24 Adam Oh, the cockroach, you had a cockroach.

37:27 Drew I'm not so sure that that's a popular song in Mexico.

37:30 Adam I think it is. It's the number one song.

37:32 Drew Is it really?

37:33 Adam Michelle's. Listen, let me tell you something. You got a lesbian question, you got a Mexican question.

37:37 Drew She's there.

37:37 Adam You direct it to Michelle. You got a lesbian Mexican question.

37:41 Drew I got an anal bleeding question. Let's go.

37:42 Caller Ask Michelle.

37:44 Adam That's me.

37:45 Drew Let's go.

37:46 Adam La Cucaracha, popular in Mexico. It's a national anthem.

37:50 Caller Drew, what are you talking about?

37:52 Adam Hey, you got a cockroach.

37:55 Caller They couldn't write one about a rat, like a sewer rat or maybe pubic lice or something like that.

38:01 Adam They're going to cockroach. Drew, if you're a country, you got to write songs about eagles.

38:07 Caller You know what I mean?

38:08 Drew Yeah.

38:09 Adam They wait from insects. All right. You ready to go? Drew's angry because it's hot in here.

38:14 Drew Oh my God.

38:15 Adam What are you doing?

38:16 Drew I was trying to get the air conditioning to turn on. It's crazy.

38:19 Adam Well, what's going on?

38:20 Drew I don't know. I broke it, I think.

38:22 Adam Well, don't monkey.

38:23 Drew I do. I'm not. I don't see.

38:25 Adam Drew, remember when we used to be at Westwood One and I got angry and I kicked the thing off the wall?

38:29 Drew Very memorable moment. And then they watched it on video for days afterwards?

38:32 Adam They did.

38:33 Drew Yeah.

38:33 Caller You know, they took the fall for that.

38:35 Adam I didn't know how could anyone take the fall for that if there's a video of me walking on top of the console and kicking the thermostat off the wall.

38:44 Caller They were very angry that I did not physically stop you from doing it. Yeah, they were. I talked to three different suits about that.

38:51 Adam Oh, poor Anderson. Always taking the fall, please.

38:55 Caller Well, I had to talk of suits. That's taking the fall.

38:58 Adam All right. But they were going to they didn't blame you for stopping. I was a mad man possessed at the strength of a guy on crack who had been tasered by cops. I couldn't be stopped at that point. I was insane.

39:11 Adam How did you realize that, Sarah?

39:12 Adam No, the bad part about the hole after I kicked the thermostat off the wall because I was burning up in the studio is the following morning, I had to call them and ask for an engineer to come out to my house because I was doing a Howard Stern like link up thing and.

39:27 Drew How about that thermostat?

39:29 Adam How about that thermostat? It was the first thing. To be fair, it was about seven hours later, I actually called them asking for a favor. Sarah?

39:39 Hi.

39:40 Adam You're 20?

39:41 Caller Yes.

39:42 Adam What's that?

39:43 Caller Oh yeah, anal bleeding.

39:45 Caller Yes, every time I use the restroom, that's usually what happens. Not too much, just a little bit.

39:49 Drew How long has that been going on for?

39:51 Caller Not too long, maybe three weeks.

39:53 Drew Okay, well that needs to be seen by a doctor immediately, okay? That can be polyps, it can be tumors, it can be something called arteriovenous malformations, internal hemorrhoids. There's a lot of different things. It can even be part of an inflammatory bowel disease, like Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis. It needs to be seen right away.

40:08 Adam Any trauma? Any trauma down there?

40:11 Caller No.

40:12 Drew It can be part of a blood disorder, we're not clotting normally. All this needs to be investigated right away.

40:17 Caller Really?

40:18 Drew It's not normal for somebody who has to have anel bleeding.

40:20 Adam Here's the whole thing. Blood in the semen, not that big a deal. Blood in the urine, not that big a deal.

40:28 Drew But it can be. It's got to be changed. If it's an infection, not a big deal. If it's not an infection, it's a big deal.

40:33 Adam Blood in the stool, big deal. Big deal. Okay. There you go.

40:41 Drew My God, it's working, air conditioning. Oh yeah.

40:43 Adam Actually, I do feel it.

40:45 Drew I fixed it.

40:46 Adam Molly?

40:47 Drew Yeah.

40:48 Adam You're right. Yeah. It's like a penguin farted in here. It feels great.

40:52 Drew Oh my, is it?

40:52 Yeah.

40:54 Adam You're 17?

40:55 Caller Yeah.

40:55 Adam What's up?

40:57 Caller I think I have like a fear of the penis.

41:01 Drew There's actually such a thing as called phallophobia. Yeah.

41:04 Adam We'd get along just fine.

41:08 Drew Usually, do you have a lot of anxiety, just generally, or anxious person?

41:12 Caller Well, not really.

41:13 Caller It's just like every time I get like the opportunity to give oral, like I really want to, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

41:23 Drew What is your, what's your, if you just free associated, You took the opportunity. You free associated.

41:28 Caller You're waiting in line, holding a deli number.

41:31 Drew If you free associated about the worst that could happen doing that, what would it be?

41:36 Caller I like, I don't even know.

41:38 Drew Just think about it, just talk about it.

41:39 Adam I don't think she knows what free association is.

41:40 Drew Just sort of to talk. What would be unpleasant about it? What do you fear for might happen? What's your sort of fantasy?

41:46 Adam Do you know what free association is?

41:49 Caller I think so.

41:50 Adam All right.

41:51 Drew Molly's smart. Go ahead.

41:52 Adam Let's try it. I say penis. You say what?

41:56 Caller Fine. Like, it's just like, I think the idea of giving it all is really hot. Like, I really want to, but every time so many, like my ex-boyfriend, every time he'd ask me to do it, I'd be like, I can't.

42:09 Drew Why?

42:10 Caller I don't know.

42:11 I was just afraid to do it.

42:12 Drew Because? I'm afraid because?

42:16 Caller I have no idea.

42:17 Drew I'm afraid because what might happen? Just what pops into your head?

42:20 Caller Like diseases.

42:22 Drew Diseases? Okay. What else pops into your head? That's real thing. What else?

42:25 Caller What else could pop into your head?

42:27 Caller Getting sick.

42:28 Drew Getting sick? Like you'll vomit on him?

42:30 Caller Yeah.

42:30 Drew That could happen? Okay. What else? Are you afraid you might do something to him?

42:38 Caller Yeah.

42:39 Caller Like what?

42:40 Caller Like hurt him somehow.

42:42 Drew That's usually, in my experience, that's usually behind us. There's a very faint fantasy you're going to somehow bite it off.

42:47 Caller Yeah.

42:50 Caller I've been told that I could do that before.

42:52 Drew See?

42:53 Caller Yeah.

42:53 Drew There it is. No, you can't do that. You can't do that. Is that what the fear is?

42:58 Caller Sometimes, yeah.

42:59 Drew Yeah. Usually, behind that is a leftover aggression. You still like there's an oral... Do you like chewing on things? Chewing ice and gum and that kind of thing? Yeah. See? See? How about that? I don't know if you like that.

43:14 Yeah. I do.

43:15 Caller I'm over it now.

43:17 Adam Yeah.

43:18 Drew I think that's a lot of what that is. You're fearful. You've got some unresolved aggressive tendencies. Normal. No big deal. But the idea of the penis, I might just chomp it off.

43:28 Adam Easy, Drew. Easy. Let's stick to the calls.

43:31 Drew It's what do you call it? Time?

43:33 Adam Finger popping.

43:34 Drew No, no.

43:35 Caller Penis chomping time. It feels so good.

43:50 Adam And that's real good.

43:51 Caller Hey, now. Hey, now. Hey. Okay.

43:55 Caller I am really not going to be able to do it because I want to think of that every time.

43:58 Drew Well, you need to be aware of those fears. That's all. And then be a little bit rational about them and sort of integrate them into your thinking. I know he doesn't have disease. I know I'm not going to hurt him. I'm an adult. I can control myself. It's not going to happen.

44:11 Adam You never had any trauma this way? Nobody made you do anything you didn't want to do?

44:16 Caller Um, kind of.

44:19 Drew What happened?

44:20 Caller Um, when I was really little, this really old guy, like, molested me.

44:25 Drew Well, there you go.

44:26 Caller Wanted to, like, make out with him. And he was, like, 72.

44:29 Caller It was really gross.

44:31 Adam 72?

44:32 Drew Make out or just make out?

44:34 Caller Like, make out.

44:36 Adam But no, no oral stuff?

44:38 Caller Yeah, I think, I don't know, like, I would probably, whatever, I kind of, like, it's taken a lot to get me to, like, admit to it.

44:45 Adam All right, well, that may be something to do.

44:47 Drew Forget everything else I said.

44:48 Adam All right, see, toss out all the Drew's work and just focus on my last 21 seconds and the penis chomping, so.

44:56 Drew Yeah.

44:57 Adam All right, burning, itching, sensation, we're gonna take a break. We gotta, let's just knock, let's get this one off the board. Burning and itching. Yes, Amy?

45:08 Caller Hi. Hi, about two weeks ago, I had sex with this guy. I've been seeing him for, like, three months. And we used a condom during the whole entire time we had sex. And now I have, like, this burning, itching sensation.

45:19 Drew Hold on. Maybe just have a yeast infection. Probably.

45:28 Adam Scratch, I could do almost anything in that song.

45:30 Drew Almost, but two words. It's probably just a yeast infection. You introduce something in there, you can get a yeast infection. So to use some of the over counter yeast medicine, if that doesn't work.

45:38 Adam A little metro cream there, baby.

45:40 Drew Yeah, maybe a vaginitis. If the over the counter stuff doesn't work, you need to see a doctor.

45:44 Adam So try first.

45:46 Drew The over the counter cream. Yeast cream.

45:48 Adam Yeast cream, all right? Okay. And if it doesn't clear it up, then you go see a doctor.

45:53 Drew Could be some other things, but that's a common thing.

45:55 Caller It's wiz-ing.

45:57 Drew Oh, you and me?

45:59 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah?

46:05 Drew Yeah.

46:05 Adam I'm singing that while I'm whizzing.

46:07 Drew Nice.

46:10 Adam Huh?

46:10 Drew Let's go.

46:11 Adam All right.

46:11 Drew I wanna hear that.

46:11 Adam We'll be right back after this.

46:14 Adam All right, guys.

46:14 Drew Here's the deal.

46:15 Adam Look in the hook up.

46:16 Drew Call the Dateline.

46:17 Adam Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

46:19 Drew Call the Dateline.

46:19 Caller One call is all you need to make.

46:21 Adam Call the Dateline. 1-877-889.

46:25 Caller Date.

46:27 Caller If you need help.

46:30 Caller Call Loveline.

46:31 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:58 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

47:00 Caller I'm Adam, and that's Dr. Drew.

47:02 Adam Just having a chat with producer Anne. And sometimes I forget how much I hate publicists, and what horrible, wretched, worthless people they all are.

47:13 Drew Yeah, that's why they steer their people away from us.

47:16 Adam I know.

47:18 Drew Just a little payback for that.

47:20 Adam Now, listen, kiss my ass, you horrible, horrible people. Because here's what publicists do, basically, is we get people that enjoy the show, who've been on the show, who like doing the show, who like us, and they can't do the show because their publicists don't let them do the show, which is not what you guys want. It's not what we want. It's not what the clients want either. But it's what the horrible, wretched, wretched publicists want. And here's the whole thing about publicists. If you're a publicist, you're probably a horrible person. But the least thing you are is a worthless person. That's a best-case scenario. Like the best thing you could say about the world's greatest publicist is they're generally worthless.

48:04 Drew You mean in terms of impact on the world?

48:05 Adam Yeah, they didn't do anything. They'll go to their grave and they will not have done anything. And no one will care. And here's the other thing. If they were around 100 years ago, they'd be doing nothing. They'd just be shaking a can in front of a saloon. Maybe playing a little guitar. So that's their gig. They're sort of a meter maids. They got a little attorney in them. I'm trying to think. But they're really just the worst. Here's the whole thing. Here's why I hate publicists so much. Because the thing about meter maids, there's a lot of horrible professions. There's roofers. Horrible guys. There's meter maids. Horrible people. There's attorneys. Mostly horrible. But here's the whole thing. They realize they're horrible people for the most part. Like, a meter maid, they know they're horrible people. It's 20 bucks an hour and it's the best gig. It's either that or they got to go down to Del Taco. I mean, they have nothing else to do. So they just take one for the, you know. Publicists actually think they do something. And I think a lot of them think they're good people, too. And they're horrible, wretched, wretched people. So please, please have some dignity. Do something.

49:18 Drew So we'll be having no guests on this show for the next couple of years. Who told you these words I've forgotten about?

49:23 Adam It's so, it's so horrible. It's so horrible.

49:26 Drew My publicist does a lot of work for me.

49:27 Adam And you know what they want? They want like three, four grand a month. Three, four grand a month. Couldn't just give you a hundred bucks a month. You could stay home and be a horrible person. Got to leave the house. Oh, Drew, remember that media training we had to do? Oh, Drew, you owe me.

49:45 Drew I owe you a couple.

49:46 Adam You owe me.

49:47 Drew I know, I do.

49:48 Adam Close your eyes and think back to all those moments where I stood up and I said, what are we doing, everybody?

49:54 Drew You actually knew something that I did not, and I apologize.

49:57 Adam Thank you.

49:58 Drew But I still, as time goes on, the debt seems to grow.

50:00 Adam Yes, thank you.

50:01 Drew Because it looks, history, as you predicted, very kind to the A's. Shines a bright light on those moments.

50:07 Adam No, publicists, they have these things called media training where they get together and they tell you how to act when people interview you. Don't say kids, say young adults. Remember that one? Yeah. Oh, it's just so much nonsense and BS. Everything's just to justify their horrible lives. Listen, please, you do nothing. Do something, would you? Get out of the business, have a little dignity, and just go do something with your life. Do something real. You zero impact. Maws have a bigger impact on society than publicists do. All you guys do is get in between people and F things up. Please, either quit and do something or kill yourselves. That's the way to do it. Have some dignity. You know what I mean? That's an honorable way to go. Just fall on. You know what you should do? Fall on your pen. That's what you do as a publicist.

50:58 Drew Get your fancy St. Ma-

50:59 Adam Get your Mont Blanc pen and put it against your sternum and just fall on it. Please. Please, you horrible, wretched, wretched people.

51:09 Caller Tom?

51:10 Caller Yes.

51:11 Adam What's happening?

51:12 Caller What's going on?

51:13 Adam You're 26?

51:15 Caller Yeah, I'm 26. 26, 27 on May 14th. I don't know if that means anything to you guys, but-

51:22 Caller Well, I'm gonna-

51:23 Adam Drew.

51:25 Drew Let's talk about that, shall we?

51:26 Adam Well, first off, I gotta pack a- I gotta have to fart in a box and send it to him on the 14th. I'm gonna send him my assets on the 14th.

51:37 Drew Assaults, yeah.

51:37 Adam Assaults. He's gonna be 27, so I got that. Let's fart in. What's he got going? Is it the radio? No, no.

51:43 Drew I think we're gonna feed back from his phone and then he's driving.

51:46 Adam Okay. Tom?

51:49 Drew Yes. Let's get to it here.

51:52 Caller Okay, my question to you. My girlfriend, she's 24, and we watched porn one of our friends gave us. She is actually an avid porn collector.

52:04 Drew She is?

52:04 Caller She is?

52:05 Caller A friend of ours. We had a sparring in porn. And on the porn...

52:10 Adam Is it a she?

52:13 Caller I'm sorry?

52:14 Drew The porn collector? Is it a woman?

52:16 Caller No, it's our friend. His name is Rob. He's in Africa right now.

52:20 Drew Can you put him on hold for a second? Excuse me one second, Tom. Hang on one second, Tom. What's going on here with all the details about things that are irrelevant to the point? It's very interesting.

52:29 Adam He's an avid porn collector. He's probably on safari.

52:32 Drew He's Tom. He's in Nairobi right now. He's probably 12 hours ahead.

52:35 Caller Anyway, he's hunting the ultimate prey.

52:38 Adam Porn stars.

52:39 Drew I mean...

52:40 Adam Yeah, he's on safari hunting porn stars. Oh, you should see his trophy room. You could get lost in there. That's a good weekend. He's an avid porn collector.

52:51 Drew What would that make you?

52:52 Adam He's got porn that goes all the way back to 89.

52:55 Drew I mean, if he's an avid porn collector, you're...

52:58 Adam Well, I'm kind of sore.

53:00 Drew I guess.

53:01 Adam I am, first off.

53:03 Drew Epicurean. Epicurean porn collector.

53:07 Adam If every lightweight who blew through town with a rack of VHS porns was an avid porn collector, I'd be out of business right now. You know what I'm saying?

53:16 Drew Yeah, I gotcha.

53:17 Adam An avid porn collector. I shut him right down. Tom?

53:21 Caller Yes.

53:22 Adam All right. So in this video, you and your girl were watching. What happened?

53:29 Caller This girl in the video, I guess she was cumming, ejaculating, and I don't know if it was urine or cum, but it was kind of shot out of her. And ever since we'd seen that, my girlfriend's been doing that and she completely soaks the sheets.

53:52 Drew Is it urine, Brent? Do you think she's urinating?

53:54 Adam Thank God she didn't defecate on the guy because it'd be a long life with this girl. Yeah. So she just saw it. It's just a vaggie see vaggie do.

54:05 Caller Pretty much. And I'm not sure.

54:17 Drew Dave Downger, is that you? Oh, no, it's Adam. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right. Tom, so she's been sort of breaking loose with this ever since she saw it because she thought it. Does it feel better to her?

54:29 Caller It sounds like it feels better to her.

54:32 Drew It sounds like it feels better to her. What does she think she's doing? Is she there?

54:37 Caller Yeah, she's right here.

54:38 Drew Can we talk to her, please?

54:39 Caller You want to talk to her? All right.

54:40 Drew Yes.

54:44 Caller Hello.

54:44 Drew Thank you. So how does this work? You just, you witnessed this and you decided this looks like a good idea.

54:50 Adam She was holding it back before.

54:52 Drew Were you holding it back before?

54:53 I guess. I don't know. Well, he wasn't hitting the spot, but he now hits.

54:58 Adam Oh, really?

54:59 Drew But how did seeing the movie convert him to that spot?

55:04 Caller I have no idea.

55:05 I don't know. I just.

55:07 Adam Hold on a second. Let me tell you what stupid people do. They say something and then you follow it up and they don't know what you're talking about.

55:14 Drew Yeah.

55:15 Adam You know what I mean?

55:16 Drew They don't even know the context of the question. It's like, what do you mean it just happened?

55:21 Adam Why? It was just a coincidence that he started hitting your squirt spot after seeing the squirt movie?

55:28 Drew Is there something he saw in the movie that he imitated? I don't know. We're trying to understand how the movie impacted on both of you in such a way as to produce this behavior.

55:39 Well, we both wanted to see if I could actually do that. He was looking for a specific spot and he finally hit the spot. So now every time we do have sex.

55:51 Drew We've never actually talked to somebody that was made into a squirter. So this is actually very interesting for us.

55:56 Adam Good squirters are poor and they're not made.

55:58 Drew Right. And so what try to describe to us so we understand what he does, what he's doing.

56:03 Caller Well, he uses his fingers.

56:06 Drew So it's during or is it during oral sex?

56:10 No, usually just when he uses it, he just uses his fingers.

56:13 Adam Yeah. You can't wear. Yeah. Where's he putting his fingers?

56:18 I'm thinking it's a G spot, but I'm not sure if it's like a.

56:22 Drew Hold on, slow down. It's like a what?

56:24 Adam G spot.

56:25 Drew So he's doing something with his fingers inside you.

56:28 Yes.

56:29 Drew Do you normally orgasm during intercourse?

56:31 Yes. All right.

56:32 Adam So this is that. Man, Tom, top of the world.

56:36 Drew So he just fished around until he found something. Yes.

56:40 Adam But were you holding back at all, be honest, before this, when you saw the movie?

56:47 No, we've been having sex for three years, so we're very comfortable with each other.

56:51 Drew But do you have it during intercourse ever? Yeah, we hear that one every day or whatever.

56:55 That's happened once or twice.

56:57 Drew And how does he do that?

56:59 I don't know. It's usually when I'm on the phone.

57:03 Drew All right.

57:03 Adam But hold on a second.

57:04 Drew Thank you for catching yourself with the I don't know.

57:06 Adam Hold on. Hold on. Let me just ask one more time. You guys watched a squirting movie together and he said, boy, that's cool, right?

57:15 Pretty much.

57:16 Adam And you, before this, never had any inkling that you were capable of squirting?

57:23 No.

57:24 Drew Does it feel extra good when you do that?

57:26 Oh, yes.

57:27 Adam Wow.

57:28 Definitely. Yeah.

57:30 Drew Is it urine, do you think?

57:30 Adam And you've never squirted before?

57:33 No.

57:34 Drew Do you think it's urine?

57:36 No. I know it's definitely not.

57:37 Drew Okay.

57:38 All right. Well, there you go.

57:39 Adam Listen.

57:40 Drew Good times.

57:40 Adam Mazel Tov.

57:42 Drew Well done. It's a mitzvah. How long? Let me ask you this. How long does it take her to do that? What's your name? Susie. Sarah. Whatever. How long does it take you to get to that point? How long does he have to sort of work on things?

57:55 A couple of minutes.

57:56 Drew Couple of minutes?

57:57 Adam Wow.

57:57 Drew Interesting.

57:59 Adam I was just thinking with fake names. Everyone should just go ahead and have a fake name assigned to them early.

58:03 Caller Well, what would yours be?

58:04 Adam You don't have to fish around. Dutch.

58:07 Drew Dutch. Yeah.

58:09 Adam Or Drake.

58:11 Drew Dutch. Here you go.

58:13 Adam Dutch.

58:14 Drew But Ace, it's the one you got. That's your real name.

58:17 Adam Yeah. Here's the point. You don't have to fish around for it.

58:21 Drew Right. Some people go, what's your name?

58:23 Adam Just say, cops pull you over drunk or whatever. You got that fake name, pal. It's ready to go.

58:29 Drew Here we go.

58:30 Adam All right. Where are we?

58:31 Drew To a Germany floor. We need a break.

58:32 Caller All right.

58:34 Adam Let's talk to-

58:35 Drew By the way, the calls have been quite interesting tonight.

58:37 Adam Yeah, they've been good.

58:38 Drew Quite good. Yeah.

58:39 Adam What's up with that?

58:42 Drew Whose phone's the credit where credit is due? I don't know. They've been very, very good.

58:44 Adam Whose phone's screening tonight?

58:47 Caller I've been doing it all night.

58:48 Drew Yourself?

58:49 Caller No, I'm kidding, Brian.

58:50 Adam Brian, really? What happened? Get that kid a CAT scan. These are great calls. Ben?

58:56 Yeah.

58:57 Adam You're 18.

58:58 Caller Yeah, I got Germany or Florida for you.

58:59 Adam Here we go.

59:00 Caller Okay. This town's first so-called baby drop box was put into service today. And now desperate women can drop off their newborn children anonymously and without fearing criminal prosecution. The infants will be laid into a warmed bed behind a steel hatch. Sensors will alert medical personnel, which will rush to care for the baby. The baby drop box is meant to prevent children from dying as a result of being abandoned somewhere.

59:28 Drew Well, that has been in place, that kind of thing has been in place for a few years now. Really?

59:32 Adam Never heard about that.

59:33 Drew And they actually can take it to fire stations and things like that and drop the baby off. Now, in terms of abandoning-

59:40 Adam Well, I kind of heard the fire station thing.

59:42 Drew It's just another version of that. And so abandoning babies is a uniquely American, a homeland activity.

59:49 Adam Yeah, this doesn't feel German at all.

59:52 Drew Germans, no, no.

59:54 Adam No. Experimenting on babies, that's a German thing. By dropping them? No. This is Florida.

1:00:00 Drew Florida.

1:00:02 Caller All right, it's Hamburg, Germany.

1:00:04 Drew No.

1:00:04 Adam No.

1:00:05 Caller Yeah.

1:00:06 Drew I'm totally taken by that one.

1:00:08 Adam Wow.

1:00:09 Drew Well done.

1:00:10 Caller It's amazing. What do you, do you, I mean, what are your opinions about that? Do you have any, Drew?

1:00:19 Drew Well, we've been doing this kind of for quite some time and I think it's a good thing. It's a good alternative to the dumpster, which is where screwed up people, drug addicts take their kids if they don't know what they're over one.

1:00:28 Adam That you take them to dumpsters, yeah.

1:00:29 Drew That's right.

1:00:30 Adam How about you put them in a basket and put them on the Nile?

1:00:32 Drew Obviously, yeah. Adam, I listened to about three different stories today about that first time in a year. I was listening to some lectures about Moses or something and I went, eh, the Nile baskets again three times.

1:00:46 Adam Wow, all right.

1:00:47 Drew What the hell? You've never said that ever, ever.

1:00:50 Adam It's called the great magnet. It pulls us all toward it.

1:00:54 Drew Do you read my thoughts?

1:00:58 Adam You're pretty easy, Drew. You don't think about that much stuff.

1:01:00 Drew That's true.

1:01:01 Adam I got to tell you.

1:01:02 Drew All right. So here's the deal. I much prefer that to the true abandonment and the neglect and the death of babies. Yeah. Obviously, we'd prefer children to be raised by the parents of parents, actually be effective parents. We're a long way from that in this country.

1:01:14 Adam This is basically what the clean needle program is to the junkie, which is, look, we finally come to grips with the fact that people are going to do drugs, and people are going to abandon their kids. So instead of shooting up with an infected needle, instead of throwing the kid in the dumpster, let's just give one of those drive-through, like at the bank with the drawer that slides out.

1:01:37 Drew In the tube.

1:01:38 Adam The tube. Right in the tube.

1:01:40 Drew All right, let's take a little, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not time to take a break. Come on, what's the matter with you?

1:01:44 Adam A wrecked penis?

1:01:44 Drew How dare you?

1:01:45 Adam Let's take a call for Drew.

1:01:46 Drew Oh, thank you.

1:01:47 Adam It's been good. Alex?

1:01:49 Adam Yeah.

1:01:50 Adam Twenty-one?

1:01:51 Adam That's right.

1:01:51 Adam What's up?

1:01:53 Adam Nothing much. I was just wondering if Dr. Drew could recommend any other books besides Cracked that are like in the same vein, sort of like the same kind of books. I read it and I really liked it, so.

1:02:03 Drew Well, thank you. I don't know of any books. That's why I sort of wrote it. I felt like there wasn't anything like that out there. I don't think there is. Here's what that book is. A doctor's experience taking care of addicts in a treatment center. And I tried to use myself as a character and how we as caretakers have to evolve and watch our boundaries and how we are so moved and affected by taking care of sick, emotionally ill people.

1:02:27 Adam I hear it's a great read.

1:02:28 Drew And someday, someday I have a dream that my partner Adam Corolla will read or at least read it on book or something. Somebody will read it to him. Something, something.

1:02:39 Adam Okay, look, maybe if I break both my ankles.

1:02:43 Drew Okay.

1:02:44 Adam And I'm laid up.

1:02:45 Drew I can get that done.

1:02:46 Adam Yeah.

1:02:46 Drew And so Alex, I'm not aware of anything like that out there. There's lots of patient-oriented, patient-eye views, but those are usually quite distorted. Really not accurate rendition of what's happening.

1:02:57 Adam Hold on. I got to break both ankles, and someone has to take a softball bat to my TiVo. Okay.

1:03:04 Drew Yeah, all your TiVos.

1:03:06 Adam All my TiVos, my multiple TiVos.

1:03:08 Drew Yeah, think if we started just rolling through a couple TiVos, what you would do.

1:03:13 Adam I'm a multiple TiVo owner. Yes, TiVi. I call them. I have multiple TiVo.

1:03:20 Drew All right.

1:03:21 Adam Let's talk to, what is it? Laura. Laura?

1:03:25 Hey.

1:03:26 Adam Hey, you're 22.

1:03:27 Caller Yes, sir.

1:03:28 Adam It's L-A-R-A?

1:03:30 Caller No, L-A-U-R-A.

1:03:33 Adam There we go. It's Laura.

1:03:34 Laura.

1:03:36 Drew She says it like that.

1:03:37 Adam Okay.

1:03:38 Drew All right, what's the deal? Where are you from, Laura?

1:03:40 Caller San Francisco.

1:03:41 Drew You grew up there?

1:03:42 Caller Yes, I did.

1:03:43 Adam All right. Fantabulous. What's up?

1:03:47 Caller I have a fear of erect penises.

1:03:51 Drew That's kind of a common fear. Do you have dreams about snakes and things?

1:03:55 Adam Well, no.

1:03:57 Drew Did you see a penis at a young age and it freaked you out? Did you see a porno or something growing up?

1:04:01 Caller Porno? No. I didn't know.

1:04:04 Drew Walking on your parents? Anybody do anything weird to you?

1:04:07 Caller Um, yeah, I was molested. I have a very short memory or not short memory, but I don't remember everything. I just know that I'm uncomfortable around certain male members of my family.

1:04:19 Drew Let's put it this way. What if you've been attacked by a Chihuahua when you were five? Would you be surprised that you feel uncomfortable being around Chihuahuas? So it makes sense just just just generally just sort of intuitively, right? Yeah, right. So you have to get through that. And then fear of closeness and fear of boundary violations and feeling being abused and all those things come along with males and male genitalia. So it's so natural. You got to get treatment for that.

1:04:47 Oh, yeah.

1:04:49 Drew Yeah, I got it.

1:04:50 Adam Who molested you?

1:04:52 Caller Um, it's kind of a... It started at age two. I believe with my dad because I'm uncomfortable. I have certain memories of feeling uncomfortable sitting in his lap. And then when I was about four years old, the neighborhood bully molested me, um, every day.

1:05:13 Drew A male?

1:05:14 Caller Um, until, yeah, until I went, started going to kindergarten.

1:05:18 Drew You know what I asked about the male thing? Is it, uh, Julianne Barber, you know, the, from the, uh, the weather girl from Good Day LA or LA Live, whatever. She's going to be on my Discovery Health show and talk about the abuse she went through. And she was saying that it was her grandfather and this one. And then the, then the neighborhood bully got into her. And the bully was a female and started cramming rocks up her vagina.

1:05:37 Adam Oh, I know. Yes.

1:05:39 Caller I, you were there.

1:05:41 Drew You talked to her about it.

1:05:42 Adam I didn't do the rock cramming. I was there sorting rocks, you know, that would be suitable vaginal size. I live with that. I know I was doing Howard Stern at some point a couple years back. And she was in talking about having gravel put in her vagina. And I thought, yeah, maybe that falls under the heading of abuse. I think it does. I think it does.

1:06:07 Drew Yeah, smattering.

1:06:08 Adam Smattering. Yeah. But, you know, back then kids didn't have, you know, Nintendo and, you know, these computer games. You had to make do with what you had. You go out and play kick the can or shove the rocks in the vagina. You know, that other thing where you'd have that big hoop and that stick, where you'd run down with that hoop and the stick. Yeah, you see those old drawings, turn of the century where they use that stick and they keep that big hoop going on. You've seen those drawings where they're putting the rocks in the vagina.

1:06:37 Drew Yeah, it's all the Bruegel paintings and the Dutch and Flemish paintings.

1:06:40 Adam Yeah, kids are dressed like little Dutch boys.

1:06:43 Drew Well, they're all the guys with the beer steins and then of course the woman came with the rocks.

1:06:46 Adam No, but the young boys who are wearing, they're wearing the knickers, they're wearing the shorts and the bow ties.

1:06:53 Drew Big ice skating scenes, you know, in the back. Yeah, and then the guy with the rocks.

1:06:57 Adam Mm-hmm, well, Hans Christian Andersen.

1:07:00 Drew It's Hans Bruegel, Peter Bruegel, yeah, same guy. Both the older and the younger.

1:07:04 Adam True, nose is hard, I'll tell you what. Yeah, so, yeah, Jillian Barbary is nice and nuts.

1:07:12 Drew And afraid to talk.

1:07:14 Adam No, but that's what happens when you get, you know.

1:07:17 Drew It affects your wiring a little bit. Something I forgot, she sought me out like 10 years ago and asked for a referral because she heard us talking about abuse on the radio.

1:07:27 Adam Oh really?

1:07:28 Drew And then she was, you know, she was at Fox doing weather and they went, hey, I hear this show, they're talking about abuse. Why do they talk about it? Everyone gets abused, it's a big deal. Everyone like, not everyone, everyone.

1:07:37 Caller Oh.

1:07:39 Adam No, I like that. You know what she is? She's sort of the female Tom Arnold.

1:07:43 Drew Absolutely.

1:07:44 Adam In that way.

1:07:45 Drew Yes, absolutely.

1:07:46 Adam Although more attractive. The thing about Tom Arnold is Tom Arnold was horribly abused, sexually abused. Tom Arnold has sort of come to grips with it. Tom Arnold is not ashamed of it.

1:07:58 Drew And not afraid to talk about it.

1:07:59 Adam Because he was a victim. It's not his fault.

1:08:02 Drew No.

1:08:02 Adam And not afraid to talk about it. And God bless him. As opposed to the ones that got the crap beat out of him and explain that was just mama showing her love.

1:08:12 Drew Right. Right. Defending it.

1:08:13 Adam Defending it.

1:08:14 Drew And idealizing what happened. Rather than come to terms with what really happened.

1:08:17 Caller That's right.

1:08:18 Adam Larry.

1:08:19 Hello.

1:08:20 Adam 26?

1:08:22 Adam Yes, I am 26.

1:08:23 Adam What is happening?

1:08:25 Well, I don't think it's me having a problem. But I'm very long and medium size. And I was wondering-

1:08:33 Drew You're a tall guy?

1:08:34 Yeah, 6'2.

1:08:36 Adam 6'2. Long penis but not thick.

1:08:40 Yeah, it's just medium.

1:08:42 Adam I don't know. That's a good luck.

1:08:44 Drew Yeah, what's wrong with that?

1:08:45 I mean, I'm just wondering. You know, I've been married for three years. Every once in a while, I'll, you know, do it a little quicker than I'm supposed to. And that's just happened every once in a while. If I think about something real stupid, then I'm-

1:09:01 Drew You know, there's a medication that's gonna be coming out very soon for premature ejaculation. It's basically an ultra short acting like Prozac. So it suppresses orgasm.

1:09:10 Adam It's called Jack Off.

1:09:12 Damn.

1:09:13 Drew I told them, I told them Jack Away.

1:09:16 Adam Jack Away is good.

1:09:17 That would be the perfect one.

1:09:18 Adam So what, no, what, so when is it-

1:09:21 The real problem with me is it's more like, I hear about everybody talking about the bigger it is.

1:09:28 Drew There's a wives sale out there that black males have larger penis.

1:09:31 Adam Drew, please.

1:09:33 My wife doesn't have a problem with me, but it's just, I hear it all the time. I'm like, well, maybe I should get surgery and get a little bit bigger.

1:09:38 Drew Well, here's the thing I find, Larry, about guys that are, 80% of males fall into the five to seven inch range.

1:09:45 Adam Right.

1:09:45 Drew And if you're in that range and you're preoccupied-

1:09:48 Adam It seems like he's out of that range and he's on the happy side.

1:09:51 Drew He's on the happy side.

1:09:52 Yeah, okay, I'm on the happy side. I'll say I'm on the happy side, but maybe I just want to be a little bit bigger.

1:09:57 Drew But listen, listen. The guys that are not outside the lower range, meaning five and a half and under, let's say, who are preoccupied about the size of their penis, are preoccupied about their self-worth, their esteem. That it's not about the penis, it's about your life and your work and your position in the world.

1:10:16 Adam So are you saying if Larry got a promotion, started making more money, drove a nicer car, bought a nicer house or did something like that.

1:10:25 I just bought a brand new house Friday.

1:10:27 Drew That would have a higher probability. If that doesn't do it, then it's a more fundamental esteem issue, maybe some therapy.

1:10:32 Adam Well, how is life going, Larry? You're married, you got a new house.

1:10:36 Like I just moved out of here from California, so everything's going pretty good.

1:10:41 Drew What kind of work do you do?

1:10:42 I'm a security supervisor.

1:10:44 Adam So you got a good-

1:10:45 I'm actually at work right now.

1:10:46 Adam You got a decent gig, you bought a new house, you and your wife are getting along fine.

1:10:51 We're getting along perfectly. It was just something that bugs me every once in a while. When I was younger, the same thing, like, yeah, we like it real big, this and that.

1:11:01 Caller No, no, no.

1:11:02 Adam The part about it-

1:11:03 Drew We rarely talk to women that want that.

1:11:05 Adam But here's the thing. Here's what women want. They want good oral sex and they want jewelry.

1:11:12 Caller Yeah, I already know that. You don't got to tell me that.

1:11:16 Adam Those are really the two things that women-

1:11:17 Drew I really like Larry.

1:11:18 Adam Yeah, I like Larry too. Oral sex and jewelry and not necessarily in that order are what women are into.

1:11:26 Drew Yeah.

1:11:26 Adam I've really- I can really just distill it down to that.

1:11:29 Drew Finally, your wife opened up on that one, huh?

1:11:31 Adam She wants jewelry.

1:11:32 Drew She let it be known. And here's the deal. You can't go, really? I'm literally a millionaire. Go buy yourself jewelry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1:11:39 Adam No.

1:11:40 Drew You got to go buy it. You got to go buy it.

1:11:43 Adam Yeah, you got to go buy it and it's got to hurt just a little bit because-

1:11:47 Drew It's a little more than even a millionaire can handle.

1:11:49 Adam Well, here's what it has to be. Wherever you're at financially, it's got to be a notch above that, so it hurts just a little bit. I mean, here's the deal, everybody. If you make 10 grand a year and you buy the old lady a $200 ring, it stings a little. If you make 100 grand a year and you buy her $200 ring, it don't sting and she's pissed. If you make $80 million a year, you better not show up with anything under 40 grand or 400 grand. It's like taxes. It's just sort of percentage. That's what you pay. That's how it works. The reality is most any woman would go insane for a $40,000 ring, but not if you're Bo's Donald Trump. Then it's like the guy spit on you. Do you know what I'm saying? Now, guys don't work this way because we're just into stuff. And we want ourselves the new Bentley GT. That's 170 grand. I don't care if the old man makes a kaxillion, kabillion dollars, it's still 170 grand and that's the car I want.

1:12:59 Drew Here's the ultimate irony. If we could get it for 20, huh. Oh. But if you got that ring for 20, no, fa.

1:13:07 Adam Listen, if my wife got me something I wanted for Christmas and I said, where did you get it? And she said, she savagely beat the retarded neighbor kid and pride it from his cold dead fingers. Smart thinking. Saved it. First off, saved a nice trip down to the Home Depot. That's number one. Secondly, I would have paid for the gift anyway, ironically. Here's what I got you. Here's what you got me.

1:13:32 Drew That's what you wanted.

1:13:32 Caller That's what I got me.

1:13:33 Adam All right. I'm surprised what I got myself this year. All right. All right, listen, we got to take a break. Brutal. Brutal. But honest. Honest. Oh, man. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Wow, that's a funkified groove. That's a stone gas. Yeah, and Michelle Stone Fox.

1:14:18 Drew Let's-

1:14:20 Adam What happened to engineer Chris? Is he around anymore? I miss that kid. There he is. Where is he?

1:14:27 He's here Sunday through Tuesday.

1:14:28 Adam Oh, I was out of town. Okay. Right on.

1:14:31 Caller Yeah, right.

1:14:33 Adam Should we take some calls, Drew?

1:14:35 Caller Yeah, that's good.

1:14:36 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-191.

1:14:40 Adam Whatever.

1:14:41 Adam One class at Junior College, everybody. Come on. All right. See, Drew, you look at me as cruel.

1:14:48 Drew Yes.

1:14:49 Adam But now what if-

1:14:50 Drew A cruel master.

1:14:51 Adam Thank you. What if your patients said, when you looked at them and you said, you have a problem with heroin, you better face up to that. And they said, whoa. And what if a person next to you said, Drew, come on.

1:15:04 Drew They do that kind of thing.

1:15:05 Adam You're not being nice. See what I'm saying? No, you're doing your job. You're saving this person's life.

1:15:11 Drew Yes, yes. I hear you.

1:15:12 Adam You understand? That's what I do with engineer Chris in junior college.

1:15:14 Drew That's all right. I'm used to it.

1:15:15 Adam Whatever.

1:15:16 Drew Emily, what's going on? 24.

1:15:19 Caller Hi. I was calling. I actually work at a detox myself and we had a kid come in that had used a bunch of methamphetamine and never got better after damn near our max, sorry, darn near our maximum of being able to hold him there. And I was wondering if...

1:15:36 Adam What's your maximum?

1:15:38 Caller 48 hours.

1:15:39 Caller Yeah. Go ahead.

1:15:40 Adam It's two days.

1:15:42 Caller I was wondering if methadone or I'm sorry, methamphetamine psychosis, does that really exist? Can it permanently like damage your brain?

1:15:51 Drew Let me answer all those questions, but first ask, what were the qualities of his delusions? Was he worried about his family and neighbors and that sort of thing?

1:15:59 Caller That people were after him. He would affect it, an Irish accent and start talking about smoking green stuff.

1:16:06 Drew And who was the people that were after him? Could he tell you?

1:16:10 Caller He didn't.

1:16:11 Drew He couldn't tell you. All right. Well, methamphetamine psychosis comes on very slowly. It's usually a very bizarre and elaborate delusion about people close to them. That runaway bride was a classic amphetamine psychosis. People are after me, people, I got to run away from my family, that kind of thing. And so it's neighbors, friends, coworkers, they'll start boarding up their house and putting plastic bags over their vents. This sort of thing. That's a classic amphetamine psychosis. When one is well established after large doses of smoking amphetamine, particularly, it can last for a couple of weeks. So the fact that it was only 48 hours, still, you can't, it might be the beginning of a more serious psychiatric condition like schizophrenia, or it could still be an amphetamine psychosis that hasn't cleared. The other thing about methamphetamine psychosis is that a certain amount of it, fairly clearly now, they've been proving is permanent. That if you use a lot of speed, you'll end up with a chronic paranoid preoccupation, certainly not as elaborate and as intense as when they come in after they've been using, but a kind of a mild persistent paranoia.

1:17:10 Adam Let me say this, Drew, as I was thinking about the 48 hours, sometimes I get confused where like, gentlemen, we have 72 hours to bring this man down. I'll be like, so we don't have to find him until the end of summer? How many days is that? You know what I was thinking? 24 hours, confusing. 25 hours in a day.

1:17:28 Drew Much easier.

1:17:29 Adam I would be like, gentlemen, we have 75 hours. That's three days.

1:17:33 Drew 100 hours, four days.

1:17:34 Adam Four days. Be easier. 25, you know, two days, 50 hours.

1:17:39 Drew You could make it 20, too. I mean, it's a harder read.

1:17:43 Adam I would rather, here's what I would suggest, and when I'm in charge, this is what we're going to do. We make an hour, instead of 60 minutes, we get like... No, no, no.

1:17:53 Drew 100 minutes.

1:17:54 Adam And then we go to a 20-hour week.

1:17:56 Drew Perfect metric. Everything's a metric.

1:17:58 Adam Oh, but just listen. We make an hour, 57 and a half minutes. Okay? And then that gets us to a 25-hour day. You see?

1:18:08 Drew Yeah, perfect.

1:18:09 Adam And the only problem I would see is when people say 24-7, we have to change to 25-7 now.

1:18:14 Drew We can help.

1:18:14 Adam Other than that, that's the biggest hurdle to get over.

1:18:16 Drew That's an easy move.

1:18:17 Adam Good.

1:18:17 Drew Well done.

1:18:18 Adam So, now, gentlemen, you have 50 hours to find this convict. Oh, two days.

1:18:24 Caller Perfect.

1:18:25 Adam Yeah. Okay.

1:18:27 Drew Well, it's metric. We need everything to be metric, don't we?

1:18:29 Adam We could go metric. Yeah. Metric is a much better system. I hate to get behind anything that comes out of Europe, but it's just a better system. You want to know why metric is better?

1:18:42 Drew Ten. That's why.

1:18:43 Adam Ten is better. Yeah. No, I'll tell you why.

1:18:45 Drew Ten is better than 12.

1:18:47 Adam I will give you just a good example of why metric is better. Because first off, if you ever open one of those drill indexes where they have 100 different drill sizes, drill bit sizes, and they just keep going up, they go like, so at a certain point, you're like 12 64s and what's bigger, 12 64s or 5 30 seconds? Your head just starts exploding. You get a ratchet, you get a standard ratchet out, you get a socket, it's like 5 8s isn't working, should we go down to 9 16ths or should we go up to 13 16ths? The metric, if the 10 is too small, you go to 11, 11 is too small, you go to 12. It's real, it fits in your head, you don't get all these 5 64s and things like that. And if you look at a drill index, you will see millions of different sizes, fractions you've ever heard of in your life. And then try to add two of them. Try to add the 3 30 seconds with the 21 64s. Have fun. See metric, it's easy. Just put the 10 millimeters in with the 3 millimeters and you got your 13.

1:20:04 Drew All right, there you go, Drew.

1:20:05 Adam Listen, why not inform while we entertain ourselves? Jordan, you're 20.

1:20:12 Caller Yes, well, yeah, I'm 20 right now. I'm like 20 minutes, I'll be 20.

1:20:20 Adam Are you talking in your phone, sweetie?

1:20:22 Caller Yeah, can you hear me? Hello?

1:20:23 Drew Yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness, much better.

1:20:25 Adam There we go. Sound high.

1:20:27 Caller Yeah, yeah, in about what time is it right now?

1:20:30 Drew You're almost 20, we got that, we got it.

1:20:32 Adam It's finger popping time. Yeah, we get it, you got a birthday. So is everyone else on the planet. Thank you.

1:20:41 Caller Right.

1:20:43 Adam I'll tell you, according to the K-Rock bulletin board, I'll tell you who's having a birthday May 27th around here.

1:20:48 Caller My young Jung-Yoon.

1:20:49 Adam Not the Ace man, but my young Jung-Yoon Kim, who evidently doesn't even work here anymore because Michelle did some researches. Oh, we're celebrating her birthday big time, but not the Ace man, not the anchor of the station. Go ahead, Jordan, sorry.

1:21:04 Caller Okay. Well, I just want to first off tell you guys that I am one of your most dedicated listeners.

1:21:10 Adam Really?

1:21:10 Caller I listen to you guys religiously all the time. I think you guys are probably one of the most, two of the most as you say, sexiest men alive. Like your intelligence is just-

1:21:21 Adam That makes me sexy.

1:21:22 Caller Incredibly sexy.

1:21:24 Adam Thank you, baby. Do you-

1:21:25 Caller Who cares?

1:21:26 Drew Oh, Anderson.

1:21:27 Adam You know how many millimeters or an inch?

1:21:30 Caller Are you kidding me?

1:21:31 Drew No.

1:21:33 Caller Do you know how many millimeters or an inch?

1:21:35 Adam Yes, I do. That's one of the things that makes me sexy.

1:21:39 Caller I think it's like 25 and change, like 25.4.

1:21:42 Caller Okay.

1:21:43 Adam Well, here's my question.

1:21:44 Caller Yeah. About a week ago, I found out that I had herpes. I don't really know much, and I am embarrassed to ask people.

1:22:00 Drew What do you mean you found out you had herpes? How did you discover that?

1:22:05 Caller The guy that I've been dating for a while told me that he had an outbreak and he went and got tested, and he's the only one that has really flipped around.

1:22:21 Drew And you had an outbreak too?

1:22:23 Caller No, actually I haven't.

1:22:24 Drew So maybe you didn't contract it.

1:22:29 Caller I don't think I usually don't have protected chondrovag.

1:22:35 Drew Have you had any pelvic pain or vaginal discharge or vaginal irritation?

1:22:39 Caller That was my second question. I was wondering if while having sex, if I get these horrible sharp pains in my back and in my stomach, where your hip bone is.

1:22:53 Drew Yeah, but that's him sort of hitting your viscera. I mean, you maybe have endometriosis or varian cysts or even inflammation or infection. The uterus can cause all that.

1:23:01 Adam Maybe there's a concha on the bed too.

1:23:03 Drew You need to, right, could be. You need to get in and have a pelvic exam. First of all, to see if there's any evidence of having had or having herpes. And secondly, to make sure there's not something predisposing to this terrible pain with deep penetration.

1:23:15 Adam Yeah. Hey, Michelle, find out how many millimeters. 25.4. 25.3. Yeah.

1:23:24 Drew Yeah. I hate that. That converting metric to the English.

1:23:29 Caller There's 2.54 centimeters, so.

1:23:32 Drew So there you go. That's 25.4 millimeters.

1:23:34 Adam Oh, it is?

1:23:35 Drew Yeah.

1:23:35 Adam 2.54?

1:23:37 Drew 25.4.

1:23:37 Adam Oh, is it? Yeah. When we come back, I'm going to tell you how many cubic inches is in a liter.

1:23:49 Drew No.

1:23:50 Adam Yeah. Edge your seat, kiddies. Edge your seat. We'll be right back after this.

1:23:56 Caller Hello. This is your radio.

1:23:59 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:24:19 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. All right, I know you guys have all been waiting for this. Cubic inches will equal one liter. You ready?

1:24:36 Drew Ready.

1:24:38 Adam Sixty.

1:24:39 Caller Really?

1:24:41 Drew Not cubic centimeters, but cubic inches. That's good.

1:24:44 Adam Excellent. Yeah. And it's cubic centimeters too.

1:24:48 Drew It'll be a thousand cubic centimeters, right?

1:24:50 Adam Yeah, it's a weird, yeah. Well, listen, it's a weird, it's a weird thing. No, no, 1,000 cubic centimeters is a liter. Right. And so 60 cubic inches equal 1,000 cubic centimeters and cc's.

1:25:10 Drew This is the thousandth.

1:25:12 Adam Right. So when you go back and you think about these huge engines, like these 455s or 454s, you realize they're like eight liters.

1:25:20 Caller Wow.

1:25:21 Adam You think you got a big V8 with four, four liters.

1:25:24 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:25:25 Adam Wow.

1:25:26 Caller All right.

1:25:26 Adam You ready to rock? Summer?

1:25:29 Drew 26?

1:25:31 Adam What's happening?

1:25:32 Caller Nothing. I'm driving home. I live in Anchorage last night. I'm an hour behind on your show. So when I'm listening to my radio, I hear you guys talking about the pretty mouth. And I love a man with a pretty mouth. And when I walk into a bar, I see a guy with sexy teeth and lips. Even if his teeth aren't perfectly straight, if he's just got the sexy mouth.

1:25:50 Drew What is, so what for a guy is a sexy mouth? What does that mean? Describe it.

1:25:55 Caller I don't know. Luscious lips. Attractive smile.

1:25:58 Adam Yeah.

1:25:59 Drew That doesn't help us.

1:26:01 Adam I'll tell you like, I'll tell you what a nice mouth, chin zone. Remember I said, it's like if you take a coffee mug and you place it underneath your nose, that area, that's like George Clooney.

1:26:13 Drew But it needs, the chin needs to come forward.

1:26:15 Adam Nice mouth. Yeah, yeah. A little cleft in there is nice. But like a guy like George Clooney, nice mouth.

1:26:20 Drew Big, big space from nose to upper lip.

1:26:23 Adam Yeah.

1:26:23 Drew Upper lip turned up? I don't know, big lip.

1:26:27 Adam They'll know it when they see it. And so will you, Drew.

1:26:31 Drew Oh. Yeah.

1:26:32 Adam So yeah, because asses don't change that much, and you know, eyes, hair, you know, they're all sort of interchangeable. But that mouth, that area, that does it. Now, see, the thing about it for guys is it's quite a bit different.

1:26:49 Drew We're zeroing in all kinds of things.

1:26:50 Adam We're zeroing in all kinds of things, but you don't see the physiques that a lot of these women have everywhere. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:26:59 Drew Right.

1:26:59 Adam You just don't see Jessica Simpson's body everywhere when you're going through the park.

1:27:05 Drew Right, right, right.

1:27:05 Adam Especially out in Anchorage. Yeah. So your name is Summer and you've been condemned to Anchorage. What a horrible life.

1:27:14 Caller I'm born and raised here. I love this state.

1:27:17 Adam Really?

1:27:18 Drew So cold.

1:27:20 Caller I'm outdoorsy. I love hunting and camping and fishing and...

1:27:23 Drew How come you aren't flying right now from one place to the other like everybody else?

1:27:28 Adam The hair around her, Virginia, just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. She was talking. She's like, I'm from Anchorage. All right. It's pretty big. Pretty big. I'm outdoorsy.

1:27:38 Drew Raccoon.

1:27:39 Caller Now we're at Raccoon.

1:27:40 Drew We're hunting. Oh my God. We're at Sharpay and outdoors with Bison.

1:27:47 Adam We're getting Black Bear and then we're going to Moose. I was going to get and then we're going to those things that they rode on Star Wars through the force. I mean, I mean, just you know, yes, I watch a lot of those World War Two things and they show those old maps and they're like Nazi Germany and they show that the red color expanding, expanding over Europe. That's what was happening with the badge Harris. She was talking about hunting and fishing and being outdoors.

1:28:15 Drew Yeah, that's how it works. It's well done.

1:28:17 Adam Summer?

1:28:18 Caller Yes.

1:28:19 Adam All right. How are you downstairs? You stay groomed? Keeps groomed?

1:28:23 Caller Absolutely.

1:28:24 Adam Okay.

1:28:25 Drew All right.

1:28:28 Adam Yeah. That just means she has about as much as Marty Allen had on his head back in the 70s. That's groomed for Anchorage. What are you doing over there in Anchorage?

1:28:41 Caller Landscaping, accounting, cocktailing.

1:28:43 Oh, just keeps getting.

1:28:45 Adam Oh, I guess you have to do everything when you're in Anchorage, right?

1:28:49 Caller Yeah.

1:28:50 Adam All right. You must be great at all those things. I imagine you're a fantastic landscape architect and exquisite accountant.

1:29:00 Caller Yep.

1:29:01 Adam Okay. And everything cool? You got a man?

1:29:05 Caller Sort of. He's new. We'll see.

1:29:08 Adam We'll see. And what about dad? Alcoholic?

1:29:11 Caller Nope.

1:29:12 Drew Running. Running. What's his story?

1:29:13 Adam Why did he flee to Anchorage?

1:29:16 Caller Oh, my parents were both born and raised here, too.

1:29:19 Caller Really?

1:29:21 Caller Yeah.

1:29:21 Drew Are you Indian? You're Indian.

1:29:23 Adam Are you Indian? No. Just just round eyes, huh?

1:29:29 Caller Yep.

1:29:30 Adam Blue eyes.

1:29:31 Adam And and they were and then their grand, your grandfather as well?

1:29:35 Caller Yeah, well, my grandfather moved here in the 30s. I think he ran the narrow route from Stewart to Hope and Cooper's Landing for like 40 years.

1:29:42 Adam Same with my family.

1:29:44 Caller He ran.

1:29:45 Adam He ran mail?

1:29:46 Caller Yeah.

1:29:47 Adam Oh, OK. What what what do you do it in? You do it in a truck or something?

1:29:52 Caller Yep. Four wheel drive pickup.

1:29:53 Caller Wow.

1:29:54 Adam It was a big deal just just moving moving mail and junk back then.

1:29:59 Drew Anger is still pretty.

1:30:01 Adam So the point is, is summer likes a mouth on a man.

1:30:05 Drew Yeah.

1:30:06 Adam And I think I don't think women even know they like a mouth. I think women talk about eyes and they talk about tight buns and they talk about, you know, six pack abs. But the mouth, the mouth will will be a deal breaker.

1:30:19 Drew Well, the jaws may have some sort of X factor effect on them.

1:30:23 Adam I think there's some sort of primitive, like bone crushing thing that, yes, Drew?

1:30:29 Yes.

1:30:30 Adam Yes.

1:30:31 Drew I agree with you.

1:30:32 Adam Okay.

1:30:32 Drew The Anchorage, I just, I went up there once and I have some images stayed with me. One was Moose walked down the street, middle of the town. Walked in the middle of the town. Two, coldest aff I've ever been in my entire life.

1:30:46 Adam Really?

1:30:46 Drew Hotel room couldn't warm up. Couldn't warm up.

1:30:49 Adam Too cold outside.

1:30:50 Drew Couldn't get warm. I mean, I was like-

1:30:53 Adam You're freezing.

1:30:53 Drew Freezing. Everybody had a story. Everybody had an airplane with big fluffy tires. Yeah. Huge tires to land in the fields and stuff with. Yeah. There are thousands of them.

1:31:06 Adam Airplanes. Yeah. People use them like mopeds over there.

1:31:08 Drew Yeah.

1:31:09 Adam That's how they get around.

1:31:10 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:31:12 Adam Bush. Bush pilots.

1:31:14 Drew Everyone talks about the earthquake.

1:31:15 Adam Speaking of Bush.

1:31:16 Drew I know. But everyone talks about the earthquake of whatever was 68 or whatever. Yeah. That's a constant topic of conversation.

1:31:22 Adam Well, they had a tsunami, I think, too.

1:31:25 Adam All right.

1:31:25 Adam Still talking about that Earthquake.

1:31:27 Adam Yeah.

1:31:27 Drew Interesting.

1:31:28 Adam That's what you got to do when you're in an anchorage.

1:31:30 Caller All right.

1:31:30 Adam Let's say escort wants to hold an intervention.

1:31:36 Caller Yeah.

1:31:36 Adam Fellow escorts. Jesse?

1:31:40 Caller Yeah.

1:31:41 Adam You're an escort?

1:31:43 Caller Yes.

1:31:44 Adam But is that a prostitute?

1:31:47 Caller Well, I mean, it's alcohol-neutered entertainment.

1:31:49 Caller It's legal.

1:31:50 Caller Basically, we're legally allowed to do is nothing. We're not even allowed to shake hands, pretty much once we exchange the money.

1:31:56 Drew And so, when you do, we need to do the form.

1:31:59 Adam We need to palatio on the guy. Yeah. No.

1:32:02 Caller I mean, it's like, it's different than what most people think.

1:32:04 Adam Hold on. Wouldn't you rather just your daughter tell you she was a high-class hooker than alcohol-neutered entertainment? You know what I'm saying?

1:32:13 Drew My brain can't handle that stuff.

1:32:14 Adam I know. But it's like, better your kid just be an assassin than just a guy who rips off junkies. You know what I'm saying? It's a little, it's worse but it's better at the same time.

1:32:26 Drew It's a profession.

1:32:27 Caller Yeah.

1:32:29 Adam Hold on. We got to take a break. Jesse.

1:32:31 Drew Jesse, here's the deal. There are people who help you with interventions. Call a local treatment center where you're living and get some help.

1:32:36 Adam She's in Los Angeles.

1:32:37 Drew Do not do it on your own.

1:32:38 Adam Don't do it yourself. Talk to a pro. You got to have a fat guy with huge calves and a ponytail and a leather fanny pack to come over there and tell you blowhard stories about, with dates involved though. September 28th, 1976. Took my first drink of hard grade alcohol. We'll be back.

1:33:11 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191 See you in a week, everybody.

1:33:25 Adam I want to thank you all for listening. I want to give some thanks where thanks are due. Phone screener Brian, back.

1:33:31 Drew Tonight, excellent calls.

1:33:33 Adam He just put America on notice. He's back and nobody cares. But the point is, as we do, he's doing a great job. Engineer Anderson, the magic fingered one. I got to believe it was at least Brian's proximity to greatness that brought him back in such a strong way. Inspiring. His muse. His big junky tattooed muse with the huge gavel.

1:33:56 Drew Let's get out of here.

1:33:57 Caller Okay.

1:33:58 Adam I want to thank Engineer Chris for doing a fantabulous job this week. And of course, Engineer Michelle for doing a great job. And Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Producer Lauren. Boy, I'll tell you, she is a, she's a cat who has nine lives. That one too. Talk about back. And of course, Producer Ann. Rock solid, steady as she goes. Steady as she goes. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Mahalo. Dying to chug wiener all day. I've been thinking about it at work. I couldn't wait until the weekend came when it was wiener chugging time.

1:34:40 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:44 Adam The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:34:52 Caller The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, May 5, 2005