Episode 1000590678499

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:07 Adam 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Rob Schneider's here tonight. God bless you, Rob.

1:15 Drew Great to be here, Adam. Oh, Dr. Drew, well, that's the best. Are these my jokes?

1:19 Rob Schneider I guess so. Rob's on Tonight Show tonight. Yeah.

1:24 Adam You wanna read them now?

1:24 Drew I don't think these are mine.

1:25 Adam We can watch them tonight about 11, 45, or 50. We're just doing the usual stuff.

1:30 Drew I was talking about this new trend with where women are, you get these beautiful actresses playing ugly women in movies. Last year was like Nicole Kidman with like a, Right, right.

1:44 She had the giant nose and, B.

1:45 Rob Schneider Arthur and the Pamela Anderson story.

1:48 You wanna tell? B.

1:49 Rob Schneider Arthur and the Pamela Anderson story?

1:50 Drew That's not mine, I swear.

1:52 Adam Don't read Rob's material.

1:53 This isn't mine, I'm out.

1:54 Rob Schneider The fifth, isn't it?

1:56 Adam Yeah, it goes with it.

1:57 Drew And so this year is like Charlize Theron. Rying Monster, you know. And I just, I feel bad for all the unattractive actors out there. Who can't even get a job playing an ugly woman.

2:06 Adam Right, right. Guys, guys gotta drink a 12 pack to F you and you can't get any work as an ugly actress.

2:14 Drew You know what, it's never gonna get reversed.

2:17 Adam No.

2:17 Drew You're not gonna have the unattractive women, they beauty up.

2:21 Adam I was saying this today with, I saw like 15 animal commercials, speaking of the animal, we'll get to that in a second, but for the Super Bowl, there was like monkeys and dogs and cats and there was a donkey, it was all every commercial animal and I was thinking, this putting good human actors out of work, no residuals. I mean, I'm trying to think, how does the animal get paid? You know what I'm saying?

2:47 Rob Schneider The trainer gets paid.

2:48 Adam The trainer gets the same?

2:49 Drew I was working with these animals and I know that these animals don't know that they're in a movie. They don't, do they? But this is interesting because the really smart ones don't work for food, it's a relationship.

2:58 Rob Schneider Oh really?

2:59 Drew And they're not forced to do things. If they don't want to do it, they know they can't talk.

3:03 Rob Schneider Interestingly, another thing, I was expecting to see Colleen at the Survivor reunion.

3:06 Drew Yeah, I wasn't sure she was going to be there either.

3:08 Rob Schneider She wasn't in that.

3:08 Drew No, I don't know, I think she's over it.

3:10 Adam Well, let me ask you, speaking of animals and the animal, and you had all kinds of animals in the movie, which one surprised you the most?

3:19 Drew Well, the one that almost tore my arms off was the only time I was scared in the movie was the orangutan. There's only one guy in the world, Bobby Bersini. He used to be in Las Vegas. He's the guy who did the every which way but lose with Clint Eastwood.

3:35 Adam He had a trouble for, there was a video of him beating the crap out of his orangutan.

3:39 Drew Let me tell you, what happens is, one of his disgruntled employees, and he isn't always a disgruntled employee, and he videotaped, what happens is, you got a full-grown orangutan. It is seven times stronger than a person. If you don't grab ahold of it, and the way they like calm the orangutan down is to grab it by his chest there and give it a twist. Really? And say, chill out.

3:56 Rob Schneider That's what they do to an animal all the time.

3:58 Drew Just like grab it and twist and say, chill. Because otherwise things could get crazy. So anyway, yeah, he did, he got shut down, Bobby Brasini. First of all, you can't work with the great apes, the chimpanzees, the apes, orangutans, after they get, forget about even an ape, you know, chimpanzees and orangutans, after they become adolescents, forget about it. Because they could kill you. Once they get those incisors, it's just about the pecking order. You know, it's like, I'm gonna be bigger than you. And once they start losing the fear of you, whatever, it's like, I gotta top this guy. And I just hear these horror stories, this one guy with a scar all the way up his neck and up to his face and say, what happened? Well, I was working with a orangutan and I was comfortable with it and I was driving my pickup truck and it just attacked me. I never even saw it coming, while he was driving his pickup truck. And it just went mental on him.

4:41 Adam And he was like 10 years old. Maybe he didn't want to signal like Clyde.

4:44 Drew Yeah, but he just went after him. Went after him and then literally, you know, he was fighting for his life for the damn thing.

4:52 Adam Well, that's the thing. We used to work with some chimps in the man show and something I didn't know about them is, as soon as they hit like two years old, they're no good anymore. I mean, you can't work with them.

5:03 Drew No, after 10, after like 10 or 11.

5:05 Adam Well, I thought they said, look, when they're young, you know, it may be a little hyperbole here, but when they're young, you can work with them. When they get older, you can't work with them.

5:16 Drew No, exactly, because they become, you know, they want to be the alpha male. They want to be, you know, they do the pecan order. And the thing is, it's not only that they, it's that, it's physically, their bone density is so much as like nine times stronger than you. They was explaining to me like this, because whenever I'm going to work with an animal, I said, what's the worst thing I can do to this thing? Tell me about it. And they said that, you gotta understand that the density of it is like nine times more dense than you, or seven times. So for instance, if an ape or a chimpanzee drops from a third story building, it would kill us. It would just get up on the cement, get up and dust itself off. And you feel it in the hands and the arms. And what it also has is, the thing that scares you, is the adrenaline rush from a great ape, his nine to one ratio, like the most adrenaline you could ever have if you're in a, you know, if you get in a car accident or whatever, or about to get, or you know, a car lands and you gotta, on somebody's leg, you gotta lift it off, it's your kid. You get a one. That's the most you can get, is up to a one. The ape is nine.

6:17 Adam That's why I drive with a chimp. I know your friend had a hard time in the cab, but if I get trapped on her car, now who's laughing?

6:24 Drew Yeah, yeah. But that nine ratio, though, the difference with the strength of it, it can basically, and it's so fast, he said, my friend, the Bobby Brasini, he said, hey, Rob, it's so bad, I'm gonna tell you. I'm not saying something's gonna happen, but if it did happen, it'd be bad for you. Bad for you, bad for the movie, bad for me.

6:39 Adam And I was, I always like, I don't know what it is about foreigners with their crazy ominous warnings. Like they do that stuff, they're like, don't worry, if it happens, you'll never know. You'll never know. You'll never know. If you wake up, it'll be in the, you won't know. You won't have time to scream.

6:53 Drew He had this 14 year old orangutan, this full grown orangutan, and he just looked at me and said, I've never seen her do that before.

6:58 Adam I said, what?

6:59 Drew He said, I'm just saying it's something bad's gonna happen, but if it did happen, it'd be real bad. I went, okay, let's get the hell out of here.

7:05 Adam I got attacked by, I did this thing where I let myself get attacked by a police dog once. They put you in the outfit.

7:11 Drew That's not fun, it's still scary.

7:13 Adam Not a good time. And again, the guys who train these animals, like I said, but they're sort of ominous, sort of, they sort of, this kind of, they never give you an answer that you want. Like you say stuff like, well, first they give you the freak out thing where they go, it's a switch. Once a switch is thrown, that's it, the animals. It's a switch. Once an animal, it becomes, it's okay, they give you that one, the switch is thrown one. Then they give you this one. So I'm saying to the guy, well, I'm gonna run and the thing's gonna dive and take me down. Yeah, yeah, you should be okay. He said, keep your hands inside the protective jacket. Don't let them hang out. And I said, okay, I said, but now I'm wearing a helmet and I'm wearing this sort of flack jacket thing. And I said, what about my neck? It seems to be a good six inches of exposed flesh right there. And he goes, he should, well, it's just, you know, like, I don't like when they don't have an answer.

8:08 Drew But they usually go for the arm or leg. Right. That's what they're gonna go for.

8:11 Adam Right.

8:12 Drew But I tell you, was, you know what's scary to me about the attack dogs is that they always teach them the attack word in German. Which says to me, well, it's gotta be Dumecough. And he said, dude, how did you know? And I'm talking to this guy, he said, yeah, it's Dumecough is your dog's attack. He says, yes, it is. Don't say that out loud. And I said, well, if I figured it out in two seconds, other people are gonna be able to figure this out. Guten tag.

8:31 Adam Arrr, killed you. All right, so the orangutan was the scariest of the bees to work with?

8:42 Rob Schneider What did he do to you?

8:43 Drew Well, he just started to freak out. He just started like, what happens is that the neck is just like this big neck and it just, they start actually getting like purple hives. Oh really? And they start like, and hunching down, in other words, ready to attack. And I remember being like scared and going, I don't know what just happened there, but this doesn't seem like it's going good. And just started doing this thing. And then I just, and it started like, you know, making a gesture like it was gonna start attacking me. And I thought, is that what's gonna happen here? And he literally jumped in between it and then got it and it was gone.

9:13 Rob Schneider Twisted his hair.

9:14 Drew And that was it.

9:14 Adam Did the chest, did the titty twist?

9:16 Drew You know, but that's actually what happened on one time. There was a chimpanzee, which was, you know, the thing is, when the sun goes down, the chimpanzees go to bed. That's it. When the sun's up, they're up. And it's really simple. They keep it that way. And so it was eight o'clock at night. And we're shooting the scene. I said, guys, I said, I've talked to the animal trainer. I said, this is it. We cannot shoot anymore. Right. They said, ah, it's one more scene. Let's just get one more take. And I said, that's it. It's done. Let's go. I said, let's just get one more. And I said, okay, you're responsible for what happened. Sure enough, the animal starts freaking out and started hitting himself. He's frustrated, like, I want to go to bed, he's like, five in the morning to him. So the animal trainer reached out and grabbed a chest full of air and gave a little twist and was like, hey, that's it. And I said, are you guys happy now? Now are you happy?

9:58 Adam And was there an animal that surprised you? Like you thought, wow, I never thought much. I never knew this.

10:05 Drew The seal was pretty interesting. Because the seal, like another thing, like this really smart animals, like it's a curiosity thing in the relationship with the trainer. Like the first day the seal didn't want to work at all. It's weird because the seal has to have like a background, has to have like a back. You know, it's like we're like a walrus. We just work with our 51st dates. The thing is the 3000 pound walrus. And they said, what's the one thing I can't do? So don't stand between the walrus and anything else and the water. Because if he spooks, like a piece of white paper or whatever, he'll go into the water. He's going to just break, make a mad dash for the water. And he's quick.

10:38 Rob Schneider You got a Mack truck.

10:39 Drew And it's just like, you just nothing left to you.

10:40 Rob Schneider Right.

10:41 Drew It's just going to be 3,000 pounds of just, just, just big pieces of picking you up out of the, out of the water. And so what animal is the seal? The seal also has to have like a back to it and have like a pool for it. And the first day he wouldn't get out of the pool. And the trainer literally slept right next to like little pool. And he wouldn't do anything the whole day. So it's like, okay, whatever, we'll shoot something else. And then the next day he got bored of just being in there and came out and just did everything we wanted him to do. And just was very curious and was relaxed and became comfortable the second day.

11:07 Adam I like the seals. I don't see enough seals. I see too many squirrels and not enough seals. That's what I've decided.

11:13 Rob Schneider Actually, there are sea lions you're talking about.

11:17 Adam Sea lions.

11:18 Drew Those are big animals.

11:18 Adam I like the bull seals or the bull walruses, the ones. I saw them all basking on the beach one day out around Hurst Castle looking like.

11:26 Drew Don't swim with them. Don't get in the water next to them.

11:29 Adam They looked like they weighed, the bull ones looked like they were several thousand pounds.

11:33 Drew They would hurt you, but like that's where the feeding of the great whites is, they want to eat the seals. It was like the girl was eaten by a shark because she was swimming with the food.

11:43 Adam Yeah, they always.

11:43 Drew Swimming with seals. Don't swim with the food and you're the slow food.

11:46 Adam I always say to Drew, it's a little consolation to me when the animal expert explains what kind of food he thought you were. It's like, I'd rather it be a vendetta situation. Like he thought I was the guy who shot his brother or something. That's better than him just thinking your food and that there was nothing personal. That's the other one. Yeah, no ass, the nothing personal part.

12:08 Drew I like it. It was a mistake. It was clearly a mistake. Yeah. The shark had no intention of eating you.

12:13 Adam No, he didn't know. He thought you were...

12:15 Drew He mistook you for another animal.

12:17 Adam Scarier, more scary. You know what I mean? It's like if a killer who was going to revenge the death of his father just started killing everybody and people kept going, he doesn't know. Yep, that's scarier, right? Yeah, and the part where we shouldn't be angry at him. I like that part, too. Listen, I can get angry. You kick, you knee me in the balls, I'm angry, you take my arm off, well, you do the math. Do the math.

12:44 Rob Schneider So Animal with DVD comes out tomorrow.

12:46 Adam Oh, that's right.

12:47 Drew Oh, yes.

12:48 Rob Schneider That's what we're talking about, Animal.

12:49 Adam Well, what happened is...

12:50 Drew I thought I was here to promote 51st dates.

12:52 Adam Well, that, too. But we've been doing this DVD thing throughout the last few weeks and we came up with the Animal.

13:00 Drew Uncut.

13:00 Rob Schneider Uncut.

13:00 Adam And I told... Actually, Drew said, well, why don't we get Rob back in here as long as we're going to do the promotion? And well, here we are. So the first five callers, 18 years or older, who get on the air night... Oh, it's the first five callers.

13:14 Rob Schneider Okay.

13:15 Adam Was it always that way?

13:16 Rob Schneider No.

13:17 Adam Okay. First five callers who get on the air night are going to win the... They got to be 18 years or older, are going to get a DVD. And it's an uncut version. Maybe you get the one where Bobby Baracini's orangutan is trying to sodomize Rob.

13:31 Drew I think there's some nudity in this one, honestly.

13:32 Adam Yeah. So you can look for that. And it has a director's commentary and a Rob's commentary and deleted scenes and...

13:41 Drew Does anybody ever listen to the commentary? I've never heard the commentary in any movie. Have you ever listened to that?

13:46 Adam I never. You know what? I never have. I have and then I watched a movie, Blue Crush, and I put it on the director's commentary and they were explaining how they got What's-Her-Nose's face on the... I was watching the movie and I was thinking, whatever the blonde chick's name is, I was going, my God, she's surfing. She's doing these moves.

14:09 Drew Did you really think it looked real? Because I saw it on the plane. It didn't look real to me on the plane. Maybe it's just the...

14:14 Adam Well, if you watch it, when she's doing, you know, they're doing the footage of her surfing, you go, that's her face. That's on this, you know, naturally, you always think of some stunt chick who's surfing. Then there's a part where she'd cut back and come right at the camera and you go, wow, that doesn't look CGI'd. I mean, the wave and the whatever. But they put her face digitally, put her face on the other person, which is a kind of an interesting thing, which is they didn't monkey with the wave and they didn't monkey with the surfboard or the body. They just took her face and put it on the blunt.

14:45 Rob Schneider It looked really good. Oh, good.

14:47 Drew Okay.

14:47 Adam So, I had to learn that.

14:49 Drew I was just in Hawaii surfing out there with Adam Sandler and he threw his board at me. I'm on the water right now. I haven't surfed in like a year and the board went right towards my head and I had my big fat butt. I couldn't get off the board and I got hit in the thigh and this other guy went right into the rocks. He was a good, better surfer than us.

15:05 Adam Did he get hurt?

15:06 Drew Yeah, he got scraped up like from his thigh up to above his stomach.

15:11 Adam Well, as you know, as performers, Drew, this is the cash register. So, you know, if he gets hit with the surfboard, it's like when a bear sees monkeys going down. You understand? This is the money. This is where...

15:25 Drew It's like Montgomery Clifton, he got hit in that car accident. That's right.

15:29 Adam It got all tore up.

15:30 Drew No good.

15:31 Adam We got to... let's take some calls and then we'll talk about the 51st States and all that. It's got to be torture shooting in Hawaii, yeah, it turns out.

15:39 Rob Schneider Bad times.

15:39 Adam Yeah, it's gonna be rough. Dave?

15:41 Yes. You're 24? Yes. How are you guys doing tonight?

15:45 Adam Say hi to Rob Schneider, too.

15:47 Hey Rob, how are you doing tonight?

15:48 Drew Good, how are you? What's going on?

15:50 Oh, you have a problem there. I just got out of a long-term relationship and I've been seeing a new girl. And the first time I met her we had sex and it was just supposed to be a one-night stand and I was becoming a little more and now that I'm getting older, I've been having troubles getting it up. And to get it up, I've been taking Viagra and I know.

16:12 Rob Schneider How old are you?

16:13 Drew 24. 24? That's a little young to have this problem. Is she attractive?

16:19 I think it's more of a mental thing. I think I'm pretty attractive. I hope I am at least.

16:23 Drew Not you.

16:24 Adam She.

16:25 Drew She is very. Do you find her attractive?

16:27 Adam For the record, you sound hot, Dave. By the way, I'm picturing, Dave, I'm picturing one of those cop mustaches from the 70s that with the pork chop, sideburns, like guys from Chicago can sound, the guy's 24. It's like if you eat 15,000 chicken wings before the age of 25, is this how you sound like? I mean, do you sound like you've just been drinking beer since age seven?

16:51 Rob Schneider What an interesting time we live in where a guy goes, yeah, it's because I'm nervous. I know it's a mental thing, so I take Viagra. Yeah. Wait a minute, why don't you figure out what's going on mentally with you? Why do you not like her? Are you anxious about this thing? Do you miss the old one?

17:06 I'm very anxious about this, but for the fact of sleeping her for the first time, first time I've met her.

17:12 Rob Schneider That's maybe a little nerve wracking, but did you miss the old girl?

17:18 Yeah, I missed the old girl, but I'm pretty much over with that. What it is, it seems like she tells me stories, I don't know if it's to make me jealous or not, but when she does, it just gets to me and makes me think that she's fucking every day.

17:35 Rob Schneider We're not CVS'ing.

17:36 Drew Wow. Dave's got some anger issues too underneath there.

17:40 Rob Schneider Yeah, well that's part of the thing, when he gets angry, it's like, shoo.

17:43 Drew She kind of likes to make you angry, I think, I mean it's a turn on for her. Is she...

17:49 Rob Schneider No, no, let's not go further.

17:53 Adam He dropped the F-bomb, we had to put him on hold.

17:56 Rob Schneider Look, he knows what's going on here. He knows what's going on. What are we going to tell him?

18:01 Drew Dave will land on his feet. He's taking other drugs also, is what I want to know.

18:05 Rob Schneider We can't talk to him.

18:07 Drew He's too...

18:07 Rob Schneider He's laden with expletives, yeah.

18:11 Adam Christina? Let's stop talking to guys on this show. Christina?

18:23 Drew Hi, Christina.

18:23 Hey, what's up, guys?

18:24 Adam You're 20?

18:25 Drew Hi, how's it going?

18:27 Great. Great. First, I want to tell you I love y'all. I used to watch y'all on MTV all the time. I listen to y'all every night on my way home from work.

18:37 Adam Thanks, y'all.

18:38 Drew I miss that show.

18:39 Yeah, me too.

18:40 Rob Schneider Did you ever do that?

18:41 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

18:42 Adam Come on, Drew.

18:46 Drew The 90s are a blur to Drew. He's kind of like, what do you call, what's the guy's name?

18:51 Adam Timothy Lear.

18:52 Drew Yeah, he's missing him.

18:53 Adam He's missing an old decade. What's happening, Christina?

18:58 Nothing. About two weeks ago, I was having some abdominal pain. Last October, I was really sick and I had gallbladder disease. And I had emergency surgery and stuff. And throughout that time, me and my boyfriend just became abstinent because I was so sick. And can you hear me? I'm on my cell phone.

19:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're good.

19:27 So I had surgery and then after that, everything was good. Hold on a second.

19:32 Adam I just had an invention for cell phones. You know, you need something built in a phone that just goes, uh-huh, because the cell phone, like Drew and I talk every night on the cell phone. I think the thing drops off every 30 feet.

19:45 Drew Are you still there?

19:46 Adam I'm always like, you know, my mom, first off, she acts like she's a queen. Are you there, Drew?

19:51 Drew It'd be nice if it was something.

19:52 Rob Schneider Then I do drop off and you're like, yeah, my grandma. Oh, you missed it. You missed it.

19:56 Drew I've been on talking for a half hour before and it wasn't even there.

19:59 Adam I know.

19:59 Drew You should have something, just a constant droning like ding, ding.

20:03 Adam Yeah, how about a little background music?

20:05 Rob Schneider Or just maybe a little light or something.

20:07 Adam A little music. Just a little music so you know when you're on hold kind of thing or you know when you're on the air.

20:12 Rob Schneider How about like a deep purple barn?

20:15 Adam You can program it in whatever you want. I just want an actual guy going, uh-huh. Every third uh-huh is a new. So it would be like, uh-huh, uh-huh.

20:25 Drew And then a guy who was on crystal meth, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

20:29 Rob Schneider All right, so Christina, you had gallbladder surgery. You were not sexually active during that time. Then you got pelvic pain and what happened?

20:35 Drew And now what's going on?

20:36 Right. So, um, I was so sick when I started getting this abdominal pain, I was really scared. You know, I didn't know what was going on. So I went to my doctor and he told me I had chlamydia. And my sex drive, I mean, hasn't been as high as it used to be. Uh-huh.

20:52 Rob Schneider How long ago was that treated?

20:54 I'm sorry?

20:55 Rob Schneider How long ago did you treat that?

20:57 Um, I've been off my medicine. I was on doctor's cycling for seven days.

21:01 Rob Schneider Uh-huh. And the pain went away?

21:03 My boyfriend doesn't have any symptoms, but I know it takes four to 28 days for anything to start showing after a sexual intercourse.

21:12 Drew Can you put some antibiotics in his food without him knowing?

21:15 Adam Yeah, I think someone's been doing that to me.

21:18 Rob Schneider What kind of doctor were you seeing?

21:20 Um, my family doctor.

21:22 Rob Schneider Because that's kind of an interesting choice. Is he an older guy?

21:26 Um, I'd say he's about mid-30s.

21:31 Rob Schneider Okay, because a doc's cycling is okay, but you're going to end up with a yeast infection and diarrhea and did he test you for, did he think maybe you had pelvic inflammatory disease or he knew it was just chlamydia?

21:42 Well, um, I went to the doctor and then I went back six days later and he told me that I tested positive for chlamydia and he said that was probably...

21:50 Rob Schneider I see, so he put down a doc's, I understand, he put down a doc's to cycling in the meantime.

21:54 Right.

21:55 Drew Okay, now what, is this the boyfriend that you're with now? Is he the only guy you slept with?

22:00 No, I've been with other guys, but... He's the first one I've been with unprotected.

22:04 Drew Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

22:07 Rob Schneider Okay, what is your question exactly?

22:08 I mean, having a sexually transmitted disease...

22:12 Drew Her question is, when is the animal uncut version coming out?

22:16 Rob Schneider It usually only does if you have a lot of pain. It sort of makes you aversive to it, right? It's like, oh, it's painful, I'm going to stay away from that. I don't feel very sexual when I'm thinking about STDs and pain and whatnot. But no, not in and of itself. It should not, not typically.

22:30 Adam Answer to the animal question in stores tomorrow, by the way.

22:33 Drew Now, wait a second. So you've got to get this guy who has a good chance that he gave you chlamydia.

22:38 Rob Schneider Oh, he has to be treated also.

22:39 Drew You've got to get him some antibiotics.

22:41 Rob Schneider I thought she said he was on.

22:43 Drew Is he on it?

22:43 Adam Is he on it, Christina?

22:45 No, he's not. But, I mean, he's in full-time school and he has a time job. But I mean, I told him it's no excuse to not go get checked out.

22:55 Rob Schneider Wait, no, no, you don't... Listen, Christina.

22:57 Adam You're going to give it to him.

22:58 Rob Schneider He doesn't even get checked out. Both partners are treated. He just gets treatment.

23:03 Drew Yeah.

23:03 I know that. See, I've been reading about it.

23:06 Drew And he's refusing to take it and admit that he has a problem.

23:09 Rob Schneider Once again, the young lady has the goods. And there's no sex. Very simple. No sex unless he gets treated.

23:15 Adam He's onto me?

23:16 Rob Schneider Yeah. Well, it was a subliminal message to you anyway.

23:19 Adam Alexis?

23:20 Rob Schneider We've been talking about that a long time.

23:21 Hi.

23:23 Adam We'll tease your call and then go to break. You're 19? You're 19? You want to dump your boyfriend because he's on crack?

23:34 Drew Well, don't, don't, don't rush judgment there. We got to learn more about this guy. Sounds like a winner.

23:40 Adam Is he, is he, he's not been home in two weeks?

23:43 Well, we're not living together, but I haven't heard from him in two weeks. I know for part of that two weeks, he was in the hospital because he used to get in and he was going to try and kill himself.

23:55 Rob Schneider Good time.

23:56 Adam You guys don't have any kids, do you?

24:01 Rob Schneider And she's got that voice, too.

24:03 Adam You got that sexual abuse voice. What is it, what is it that, that sort of effed up white trash gene that has to push forward? Like, why is that so, why, what's so strong about that?

24:15 Drew It's a state.

24:16 Rob Schneider To reproduce?

24:17 Drew Yes, it's just it won't be stopped.

24:19 Adam It won't. What, what, what is that? Is it?

24:22 Rob Schneider I've asked that over many, many years of this show and I can't understand. It's, it's somehow going to fix everything. Yeah. The child's going to fix it all. It's going to fill that void.

24:32 Adam Isn't that the, the sort of, the, what, kind of, I mean, if, in terms of the earth and Yeah, what evolutionarily, yeah, what evolutionarily, what was the plan?

24:40 Drew Yeah, it's more of a Wouldn't it be the dinosaur that didn't move fast enough, you're saying?

24:44 Rob Schneider What was the plan evolutionarily? It's why the chimpanzees are seven times more dense than we are.

24:49 Drew That's right. Yeah, exactly. All right.

24:52 Adam Why is that true? Let's take ourselves a little break. Rob Schneider.

24:56 Drew I think this is going well, though.

24:57 Adam Is in here now. We got off to a good start. The Animal, which is coming out on DVD tomorrow, uncut, director's commentary, Rob's commentary. It is, we'll give it away to the first five callers over the age of 18. Have we done that?

25:12 Rob Schneider I think we've had like four or five callers.

25:14 Adam Yeah, but what about that Jack Off, who used the F word? He gets one too? He doesn't get one.

25:18 Rob Schneider Fifty first dates, when's that coming out?

25:21 Drew February 13th.

25:22 Adam Alright, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back.

25:25 Drew Hello, this is your radio.

25:47 Adam Hi there, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Tomorrow night, we got Isha Tyler in here, and then Jeff Probst will be in here after that. The Animal, the Animal DVD, by the way, is gonna be in stores tomorrow. And-

26:06 Drew Special uncut.

26:08 Adam I know we're sort of making fun of, you know, they always have a whole bunch of actors that no one ever gets to, but it is, and I guess they vary from DVD to DVD. To watch a director's commentary, to see deleted scenes, to have them explain why there wasn't room for the scene and that kind of stuff. I found it fascinating. I was glad I did it. And I suggest others do that when they pop the DVD in. I've only done it once on one DVD, and I've enjoyed it thoroughly.

26:35 Drew I think I might want to do that with movies like Apocalypse Now, but like, you know, for like Something About Mary.

26:41 Adam Yeah.

26:41 Drew I don't know. I mean-

26:42 Adam Yeah, there was secondly, there was a second jizz in the hair scene that we had to pull because the ratings board got us. Anyway, people who, so should we promote it anymore or if we're already giving away the five CDs? See what I'm saying?

26:59 Rob Schneider Anderson?

26:59 Adam Yeah, we'll give away one more. What the hell? We got plenty of gifts. All right, so you call in, you're over 18. Hold on a second. Call in you're over 18, we'll give you an animal CD.

27:09 They all keep hanging up, so tell them to stay on the line after we're done.

27:13 Adam Stay on the line, you get your selfie.

27:14 Drew I haven't given them the information.

27:18 Adam All right, so Alexis over here has a 19-year-old. Yeah, 19, boyfriend on crack, hasn't been home in a few weeks, been in the hospital.

27:29 Rob Schneider Psychiatric hospital.

27:30 Adam You have a child.

27:33 Rob Schneider You have one kid?

27:35 Adam The phone line dropped out. You there?

27:37 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

27:38 Adam How old is your child?

27:40 Caller He's a couple months old.

27:41 Adam Oh, he, I always hate to hear that. You know, she means, you know, another porn star, another stripper. He means another guy to stick me up at the ATM. That's rough. I'm sorry, I'm being selfish, but you understand as a mother, right? Now you taking care of this child? Yeah.

28:00 Rob Schneider All right, so what is the question? The guy's already gone.

28:10 Drew To do, right, what?

28:11 Rob Schneider Was what the right thing to do?

28:15 Adam Well, what'd you use to break up? A carrier pigeon? I mean, the guy's gone.

28:20 Drew The guy is a crack addict and he's trying to kill himself.

28:22 Adam And he hasn't been home in two weeks.

28:24 Drew What are you hanging on to?

28:34 Rob Schneider What happened to Alexis? Were you in foster care or something?

28:37 Caller What happened to you?

28:39 Rob Schneider Why do you sound so... Yeah, you sound so immature.

28:43 Caller I'm a little person.

28:45 Rob Schneider No, were you physically abused in some way?

28:48 No.

28:49 Adam Sexually abused?

28:50 No.

28:51 Rob Schneider And nobody... Well, I guarantee you there's a ton here.

28:54 Adam All right, what? Anyone drink in your family?

28:57 Caller No.

28:58 Adam Come on, what's up? And not adopted?

29:01 Rob Schneider When did you stop going to school?

29:03 Caller Two months into my senior year.

29:07 Rob Schneider And when did you lose your virginity?

29:08 Adam Senior year of junior high.

29:11 Rob Schneider And how old was the guy? And how'd you get stuck, you know, sort of wrapped up with a crack addict and pregnant? Yeah.

29:21 Adam What does, and what does your dad do, by the way? This will tell it all. Metal.

29:27 Rob Schneider Ah-ha.

29:29 Adam All right, and he's not one of those guys with the attache and the handcuff to the wrist going into the casino. He's more standout front by the forklift guy, right? Right, but the desk is out in the parking lot by the forklift.

29:46 Rob Schneider All right, Alexis, here's the deal. Here's what you could do. These are your options. You can leave this guy and be done with it.

29:51 Adam Yeah.

29:52 Rob Schneider Which we don't recommend because you have a child with him and he's gonna have to be a part of your life on behalf of the child. The other thing you can do is find ways to leverage him into some kind of treatment because he does not, and he's already in a psychiatric hospital, but he needs to be required to go to a sober living and to focus on a recovery.

30:07 Adam It's okay to break up with him too.

30:09 Rob Schneider It's fine to break up with him. If you stay with him, you gotta go to Al-Anon. You have to. This will not work otherwise.

30:14 Adam Let me, I got a hypothetical here. The kid would stand a better chance if A, Alexis, and yeah, raise them, B, Bobby Bersini, one of his chimps raised it, or C, we hook them up to one of those old medieval trebuchets, the old catapult, it worked on a pulley lever system, and we just fired them.

30:38 Rob Schneider Anywhere, any direction.

30:40 Adam Just, yes.

30:41 Rob Schneider I vote for the trebuchet.

30:42 Drew You vote for the trebuchet?

30:44 Adam We just, whatever way the wind was blowing, we just point the trebuchet that way, just launch the kid.

30:49 Rob Schneider And every time you mention the animal trainer with the rangutan, all animal trainers named after characters in The Godfather?

30:56 Let me tell you about Bobby Bacini. Bobby, let me tell you right now, he's a good man, he loves his animals. He always paid on time.

31:07 Adam His trademark is he puts a big B in fecal matter on the chest of his victims.

31:15 Drew Well, are you living with your folks?

31:16 Rob Schneider No, no, we're on the next call.

31:17 Adam We got her, but we can't live in the past. But something happened to her.

31:23 Rob Schneider Something very, I can hear her voice. Maybe just neglect.

31:27 Drew What does it mean for girls who use the baby voice constantly? What the heck is that all about?

31:31 Rob Schneider It's arrested development from trauma. Something really crappy happened to them at that age and they just arrest. In fact, a guy at The Washington Post.

31:39 Adam Post two things, but go ahead.

31:40 Rob Schneider A guy at The Washington Post did an article on this because he heard us always talking about always nailing women in their 20s and 30s who sound like they're four. We'd say, you know, what happened before? Nothing, nothing. He actually did some research on it and people who study voice and study language, what not, say there is something like that that goes on something well established.

32:02 Drew So how do they get out of that? I mean, so this is a trauma, but they still talking like this. And I know a woman who still talks in this childlike voice, but she's doing okay now with her life, but she did have trauma.

32:13 Adam Well, the voice is gonna be, I mean, here's the thing.

32:17 Rob Schneider The voice may be fixed.

32:19 Adam It may be, but when your affect changes, your voice changes. I mean, in general, then it's not just little girls. If you think about it, sort of racist sound like racist and angry people sound like angry people and nice people sound like nice people. You know what I mean? You do sort of sound like what you are. And the same with the victims and all that. Also, there's an alluring thing too. I mean, there's that sort of Marilyn Monroe thing.

32:45 Drew They're bringing in their sex, their youthful sex appeal.

32:49 Rob Schneider Right, to render themselves a victim once again.

32:52 Adam But every facet of their being becomes about advertising their sexuality, whether it's visually or verbally.

33:00 Rob Schneider They literally start fetishizing their entire body. Their voice, everything becomes a fetish to try to reenact a trauma.

33:09 Adam Fetishizing means in the rare?

33:12 Rob Schneider Yeah, there can be.

33:15 Drew To reenact a trauma, to gain power from it?

33:17 Rob Schneider Well, no one knows. It's probably why we do rituals and all the things. We humans are naturally drawn to recreate the traumas of the past.

33:25 Drew I would think that the woman who's been traumatized, whether it's a sexual abuse or whatever, will continue the sexual abuse over and over again to kind of say that it doesn't have a hold on her.

33:37 Rob Schneider That's how people sort of rationalize it. But the reality is it's probably some primitive part of the range is driving repetitive behavior.

33:42 Adam Oh, and plus, it's not always what they say it is. It goes down in their brain as that. And when we talk to women all the time that were sexually abused as young girls, and then they say, well, I was raped. Now they're adults and you say, well, what happened? And it's like, well, we were drinking, we started having sex. And it turns out that the girl never told the guy to stop. She never pushed him away. She never cried for help. It just went down as rape. Every encounter goes down as rape. But whenever I think about the Kobe situation, I start wondering, is that girl one of our callers who, the guy thinks, now the guy thinks, to be fair to the women, it's not 100%, you know, she's seducing him.

34:27 Drew They are real rapists out there.

34:29 Rob Schneider Well, of course they are. What makes it even more blurry is they go for guys that are abusive. They bring in the abusive, exploitative guy.

34:36 Adam But I agree with Rob that it's unfair to the real rapists to call these rank amateurs like Kobe rapists, you know. No, it goes down, almost every encounter with a man goes down as rape because that's the only thing they know that's what they're trying to recreate, that's what they're trying to master. And the guy just thinks he's sort of, hey, there's some boos usually involved. And almost any time a guy's with a new woman, there's a little cajoling going on. There's always a little, come on baby, I'm not gonna tell her, whatever it is.

35:06 Drew It should be at the, it's the woman who sets the parameters of the relationship, no matter what. Whether the guy's cajoling or whatever, it's up to the woman to kind of set the parameters for what's gonna happen.

35:19 Adam They never gets clearly defined. They never, like we talked to them.

35:23 Drew So these women don't have parameters.

35:25 Rob Schneider They don't have boundaries, no.

35:27 Adam And they create things, it's almost like there's a longing to create this, reenact this.

35:33 Rob Schneider There's a compulsion.

35:34 Drew What do they get out of that?

35:36 Rob Schneider No, you're trying to use your rational brain to describe a behavior that's irrational. Right. It's some kind of primitive drive. I'm actually trying to figure it out actively.

35:46 Adam Please.

35:47 Rob Schneider We're looking at very-

35:48 Adam Hurry, please, would you? Katrina?

35:50 Caller Uh-oh.

35:52 Drew Are you calling from the bus station, Katrina?

35:54 Sorry, no. I'm calling from my cell phone and I'm in my boyfriend's car.

35:59 Drew Perfect.

36:00 Adam What's up, baby doll?

36:01 I wanted to ask Greg a few things. First of all, I think you're really funny. We listen to you all the time and I do watch the man show. Thanks.

36:10 Drew The new man show or the old man show?

36:13 The new and the old. I've been having dreams of having sex with women and I tell my boyfriend about it and I've never been with a woman and then when I do tell him these things, he's saying, well, that's your unconscious telling you that you might like that. And also...

36:31 Adam Sure, he works at a batting cage, he should know.

36:34 Drew That's your unconscious telling you you might like that and videotape it.

36:37 Rob Schneider That's your boyfriend telling you he would like that.

36:39 Adam Tell him you had a dream, you dreamt he quit smoking pot and he'll say, please.

36:44 Drew That's your boyfriend's conscious mind saying he'd like to watch that.

36:47 Adam Right.

36:47 Yeah, I don't know. I mean, he's been asking me to have a threesome with him especially now his birthday's coming up.

36:55 Drew Oh yeah, well, why wouldn't you? It's his birthday. It's his birthday.

36:57 Adam Sure.

36:58 Drew You want a tie, you want a shirt, you want a threesome. What do you want, honey?

37:02 Adam Man only turns 23 once in his life. The big two, three.

37:07 Drew It's Michael Jordan's number for Panda Lab.

37:09 Adam 21.

37:10 Drew 21, okay. So he wants the threesome now. Were you having these dreams before? He was suggesting that you have these threesome?

37:19 Adam All right, so are you thinking about getting him a threesome for his birthday?

37:24 I don't know. I've been, sometimes I feel like I'll be okay with it, but other times I just feel kind of scared and I can't really see myself doing that.

37:32 Adam All right.

37:33 Rob Schneider It's gonna screw up your relationship.

37:34 Adam Yes, it will disrupt it.

37:36 Rob Schneider Guaranteed.

37:36 Adam How about you compromise getting me a decorative popcorn tin like my cheap aunt and uncle got me when I turned 21. Three types of popcorn. What did that set him back, $6? What do you think it was, $4?

37:49 Rob Schneider Yeah, four bucks.

37:50 Adam Ah, cheap bastards. Look, here's the whole thing.

37:52 Rob Schneider You lose your toilet for years, come on. He used to crap in a popcorn tin.

37:57 Adam I got my stepmom locked me out of the house. What'd you want me to do?

38:00 Rob Schneider So he'd crap outside in the shower, in the sink. He'd shower in the air.

38:03 Drew There's some trauma there.

38:04 Adam I used to hose.

38:05 Drew Some trauma.

38:06 Adam Oh yeah. I was in the garage. It was tough. It was a long time ago. I'm over it now. And that's the important part.

38:11 Rob Schneider People complain those varsinis monkeys have it bad.

38:15 Drew Making your kid crap in the Popcorn tin. In the popcorn tin in the garage.

38:20 Adam It wasn't actually a verbal command. It was just sort of a math command.

38:23 Drew It's gotta affect your self esteem at a certain level.

38:26 Adam It did, but I'm overcompensating now. That's the important part. I now crap into a Sylve Ily crap on a homeless guy who comes up to my house and I pay him to let me defecate on him like Danny Kay. Danny Thomas.

38:42 Drew Danny Thomas.

38:43 Adam One of them used to like to crap on somebody.

38:44 Drew At least he had a glass coffee table.

38:46 Adam That's what you hear. That's what you hear.

38:48 Drew Oh my God.

38:49 Adam Yeah, I either crap into that or a pewter urn. Those are my two, the homeless guy or pewter urn. It's compensation.

38:55 Rob Schneider Why do celebrities all have to have some weird, weird ass stuff?

38:59 Adam I don't know.

39:00 Drew Same thing about the guy who played the attorney, the Raymond Burr. Who says these rumors and makes these rumors up anyway? I just hope they're all true.

39:11 Adam Yeah, I know the Rod Stewart having the gallons of semen pump from his stomach is true. Other than that.

39:16 Rob Schneider Of course, you were there.

39:17 Adam And the Richard Gere Hamster one is true. Those are the ones I know are true. Other than that, I can't verify anything.

39:22 Drew I just like to know like how long it took in the series to get a gallon's worth of... Anyway. So what's the guy saying again?

39:30 Rob Schneider We're gonna break.

39:31 Adam Here's the thing. Threesome will disrupt the relationship.

39:35 Rob Schneider If you think you're lesbian, yeah, if you think you're lesbian, this is sort of a safe way to explore that, whatever.

39:39 Adam Right.

39:40 Drew All right. And the guy, I mean, how does it screw it up for the guy?

39:44 Adam It doesn't, although guys will start having feelings about this, too, and start making cases.

39:51 Rob Schneider If this is somebody he wanted to marry, uh-uh. Oh, yeah.

39:54 Adam It's weird, because now your wife, it's like you've swung with your wife, it feels weird. It's potential for trouble.

40:01 Drew Is it okay if you kill the other person after? In a way, there's no witnesses.

40:04 Adam Yeah, but you only get to have sex with them three times after they're dead, and then they go bad.

40:09 Rob Schneider That's the Geneva Convention on snuffing.

40:12 Adam Now, if you live in a cold weather climate, you get five to six humpers in. But if you're out in Florida or Arizona, two, two and a half maybe.

40:20 Rob Schneider In two days.

40:21 Adam Yeah, they're out. All right, we'll take a quick break. Rob Schneider here tonight. We'll be right back after this.

40:33 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:35 Caller Loveline will be right back.

40:38 Let's go.

40:55 Adam Rob Schneider's our guest tonight, the animal, out on DVD, or I should say in stores on DVD tomorrow. And then 51st Dates is out the 12th.

41:07 Drew Yeah, February 13th.

41:09 Adam Oh, 13th.

41:09 Drew Drew Barrymore, Adam Sandler. Now let me ask you, Doc, you can jump into it, too, my friend. No, I can't. Were people like not as sick in the 50s, where there's not as much damage, or was just completely underground?

41:21 Rob Schneider I think we are in a sicker time.

41:23 Adam Emotionally, you mean?

41:23 Rob Schneider Emotionally.

41:24 Drew Emotionally, as far as physical trauma.

41:26 Rob Schneider I think trauma is a more common phenomenon. I think families are pretty well destroyed. I think things that used to help people contain some of that have been taken away.

41:35 Drew Like larger family structures.

41:36 Rob Schneider Just, yeah, all kinds of containing elements in society just aren't there anymore. It's people just spinning out of control.

41:41 Adam Well, also I think what Drew's saying is-

41:43 Rob Schneider You've got people with Chinese stars on their nipples that are held on by a barber.

41:47 Drew That actually feels very good, though, if you have it at the right-

41:49 Rob Schneider Did you see that thing she had on her nipple now?

41:51 Adam Yeah, I did, I did see that.

41:53 Drew I saw that actually first time was Return of the Dragon, Bruce Lee.

41:59 Adam Yeah, she's got a Noon Chucks hanging from her hood.

42:03 Drew Well, she's got a-

42:04 Adam Have you seen that, Drew?

42:06 Drew I haven't seen that on the drugs report yet.

42:08 Adam If she gets it going, she shakes her ass just right.

42:11 Drew That's why when people are gonna attack her, attack her crotch, they should all jump at the same time instead of one at a time.

42:19 Adam Well, I think what Drew's saying is...

42:21 Drew She's got a fake boob, by the way.

42:22 Adam It used to be that people lived in a smallish town and it was scandalous if you had sex out of wedlock or it was scandalous if you got divorced. It was just a scandal.

42:34 Drew It was just those desires and stuff were suppressed or they weren't allowed to get as crazy.

42:39 Adam People were sort of shamed into submission.

42:41 Rob Schneider There was a lot of shame. There was a lot of better connection and more respect for other people. And the reality was we had no birth control. You could die of an STD, die of a pregnancy. It was serious stuff. You wouldn't want to screw around.

42:55 Drew So more repercussions or more severe, which was better, maybe.

42:59 Adam Well, it does, it does. I mean, let's put it this way. If you think you might die from an activity, you may think twice about engaging in it.

43:09 Drew I will say my friends who grew up in the 50s said it was the absolutely most boring time. Really? I really just hated it. My friends, I don't know.

43:16 Adam Jennifer?

43:18 Drew Jennifer.

43:19 Adam You're 25? Yellow?

43:22 Drew Jennifer.

43:23 Rob Schneider Go to three.

43:26 Adam Alyssa?

43:27 Hi.

43:27 Adam What's happening? You're 18.

43:29 Caller Yeah, sorry, I have a cold. I was wondering what the difference between bipolar and borderline personality disorder was?

43:42 Rob Schneider In the most simplistic way possible, bipolar is a mood disturbance. Where moods fluctuates wildly.

43:48 Adam Pick two celebrities. Like Courtney Love is...

43:52 Drew Is that all bipolar is? Just extremely moody people?

43:54 Rob Schneider Well, not mood. At the point where when you get manic, you disconnect from reality and start thinking all kinds of strange things, don't sleep for days at a time, and do strange things. And the depressions hit and they start trying to kill themselves, and these are very profound fluctuations.

44:07 Drew Wow.

44:08 Rob Schneider And sometimes those fluctuations take months, sometimes they take hours. And borderline is a personality disorder. Although there are people that believe from a neurobiological perspective that borderline, bipolar, and post-traumatic stress disorder may be related biologically.

44:27 Adam So meaning you saw something horrible and that as a young person or even older and that triggered the whole thing?

44:33 Rob Schneider It's all related to early trauma, all three of those.

44:36 Drew Geez.

44:37 Adam Hey, but good times there, Alyssa, right?

44:40 Caller Not really.

44:41 Drew So what do you have? What's your thing then? Do you think you're bipolar?

44:45 Caller No, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but my therapist and some other people disagreed with it because they said you have to be an adult to be diagnosed with it.

44:57 Rob Schneider That's true, it's sort of overused in adolescents and bipolar is quite treatable if that's all you have. That's a good thing.

45:02 Drew Treatable chemically?

45:03 Rob Schneider Yeah, yeah, because it is a chemical phenomenon, yeah.

45:05 Adam I think I'm being diagnosed. I'm going tomorrow to get the hernia checked.

45:09 Rob Schneider Oh, yeah, I set that up for you.

45:11 Adam What should I, do I need to trim the pubes or?

45:13 Rob Schneider No, they'll take care of that, don't worry.

45:15 Drew No, they'll do that.

45:15 Adam No, but I mean tomorrow, you know.

45:17 Drew So when you're under, they do it for you. Sip, whap, sip.

45:19 Rob Schneider You're gonna love this.

45:20 Adam Yeah.

45:20 Rob Schneider Oh, man.

45:21 Adam The check part, though.

45:23 Rob Schneider Don't worry about it.

45:23 Adam What goes on? I think Drew gave it to me.

45:29 Rob Schneider I had a hernia repair last May.

45:31 Adam I think it's hereditary, the hernia stuff, pretty much. My dad had it, and everyone else in my family had it. But what do they do? How do they check it? What do I got to look forward to tomorrow?

45:42 Rob Schneider He's gonna take his finger and jam it up your inguinal canal. Take basically your testy. Leave the testy behind, but take the scrotum and insert it.

45:50 Drew Go inside there, yeah. There's a canal there. It's opening.

45:53 Rob Schneider Right, and take that and basically extend his finger to your spine.

45:57 Adam Should I bring my sack in the office? I wonder if I should crack the window, though.

46:03 Rob Schneider Just let it drag behind a little bit.

46:05 Adam So he's gonna ram something, put his finger up. And.

46:10 Drew Up a place you didn't know you had.

46:11 Rob Schneider Yes.

46:12 Adam And what's considered, is farting considered bad etiquette?

46:14 Rob Schneider Screaming bad, bad. What's that, laughing bad?

46:17 Adam What about like a hawking a loogie on the top of his balling head?

46:20 Rob Schneider Would that be bad?

46:22 Drew What's unusual is a hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. You know, like animalistic kind of thing.

46:26 Adam Is it like the ear boxing bad?

46:28 Rob Schneider No, the appropriate response is, ah, ah.

46:34 Drew But what he'll do though, is he can see if there's a, you know, where it is, right? And then poop and then pop it back in.

46:39 Rob Schneider Well, I had to reduce the damping incarcerated. You had to lie him on the floor and push him back in.

46:45 Drew They can pop it usually back in.

46:46 Rob Schneider No, and he has to be operated on, for sure. For sure, it's time.

46:48 Adam All right, all right. What the hell kind of bedside manner is that?

46:51 Rob Schneider Let's take a break.

46:53 Adam Yeah, Rob Schneider here.

46:54 Drew We'll be right back with the abdominal wall in a minute.

46:56 Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

46:58 So what's up? But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

47:05 Caller So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

47:09 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

47:43 Adam Hey everybody, it's Lovelinem. Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

47:49 Rob Schneider I love those guys.

47:50 Adam Drew loves the offspring.

47:51 Rob Schneider I really do.

47:51 Drew Nice guys, too.

47:52 Adam Told you Dexter called me when I go flying.

47:54 Rob Schneider How come you didn't call me?

47:56 Drew Don't do that, don't do that. Rockstar calls you for flying?

47:59 Adam That's right, yeah.

48:00 Drew That's just bad.

48:00 Rob Schneider He's a pilot.

48:02 Adam I got Buddy Holly's widow. We got the roadies from Skinner. We're going up.

48:10 Drew Yeah.

48:10 Adam Yeah. That sounds good. There's some clouds gathering. Don't worry about that. We'll fly right above that. Yeah, hang on.

48:16 Drew I remember my brother was, my brother John was at the Super Bowl and coming back and he was like Dan Aykroyd and James Brown or whatever and this old jet private and there's an old plane. He said, I ain't getting on that. I ain't doing that. Now that does, you can just read that story already.

48:30 Adam Yeah. I wonder, I'm trying to think like who's the biggest flying jinx? Do you know what I'm saying?

48:36 Drew Rockstar. Rockstar? A rock promoter.

48:39 Adam Rock promoter's good, yeah.

48:42 Drew Rockstar, pretty good, you know.

48:46 Adam I don't like, you know what I don't like to see? There's certain flight jinxes things. I don't like to see the guy with the video camera buzzing around like a bit laughing, you know, just holding his wife and she'll pretend to be a bird.

48:57 Drew I don't like the number if it's like, if there's too many eights in it or whatever, if you're getting off on a plane, if it just would sound, Oh, numerology. It would sound too good. It's just like, wow, that, you know, flight eight, oh eight, so it doesn't sound. You can just, you can read about it the next morning.

49:12 Adam I don't like it. I also, I don't like when a fat guy sits next to me, not because of the space problem, but because of the weight problem. Even though, logically, I understand there's, you know, 70 tons of luggage underneath me. I don't like the big lump next to me. I'm thinking, I think, wow, this is, we're not gonna be able to move with this guy. Like I look at it as more of a bicycle than an airplane. Like, you know what I mean? It's just like when a big guy sits next to you, just kinda, I like spindly people next to me.

49:39 Drew Would you ever wanna take one of those courses that it's a Survive a Plane Crash course?

49:43 Adam No.

49:43 Drew They give you like a little kit, and they give you this thing you put over your head, and it prevents, it gives you like two minutes of oxygen to get out of the plane.

49:50 Adam Really? Yeah. And there's all these sort of- First off, I do believe, by the way, that if you take a Survive a Plane Crash course-

50:00 Rob Schneider You're gonna die in a plane crash.

50:01 Adam You're gonna die. 10,000, because whereas God doesn't have a traditional sense of humor, he has more of a cruel, drunken cousin sense of humor. Yeah.

50:13 Drew Here's what I think about. Well, what about these guys that you can go and get your tests, you know, they can check everything inside your body in and out and see like a disease before or as it's happening. And I think that's a bad idea, do you?

50:26 Adam Drew doesn't think it works.

50:27 Rob Schneider It's BS. It doesn't work. It defines your anatomy in that moment. Anatomy, not disease, not biology, not anything else, just your anatomy in that moment. And yeah, there's something to that in that there are almost no tumors that can be preferentially detected that way that you can do anything about.

50:44 Drew Oh really?

50:45 Rob Schneider Except kidney.

50:46 Drew Oh really? So you find out, because it's solid. Solid man.

50:49 Rob Schneider Yeah, solid tumors. And then when you find a solid tumor in your pancreas, it's pretty much a...

50:51 You get nothing to do anyway.

50:53 Drew So basically you could find out you have a benign cyst and you just, you can't do anything about it, you just know it's there forever.

50:59 Rob Schneider You don't need to do anything about it.

51:00 Drew You wake up in the morning and like, well, I got that cyst over there. I got that there. I got that going for me this morning.

51:05 Adam So it's not, I mean, we're not quite at that. I mean, we're heading toward that direction, right?

51:09 Rob Schneider It's not start to really wave a wand over you and figure out what's going on.

51:13 Adam Right. All right.

51:15 Rob Schneider Star Trek.

51:16 Adam Yeah, that's right. Let's talk to... What percentage of people call Star Trek, Star Trek? I would say it's in the 70s.

51:24 Drew I'd say it's lower than that.

51:25 Adam 60s? 60s? People say Star Trek.

51:28 Rob Schneider I think that's just accent. I think they mean it.

51:31 Drew I think it's accent, yeah.

51:32 Adam I just thought it was track the whole time. A trek doesn't mean that much to a nine-year-old. You know what I'm saying? And that's when you learn it.

51:38 Drew Upstate New York, Star Trek. Sure.

51:41 Adam Adrian?

51:42 Drew Yeah?

51:43 Adam You're 18?

51:44 Caller Yeah.

51:44 Adam What's up?

51:45 Caller Hey, I got a question for Rob.

51:47 Drew Yo.

51:47 Caller Yeah, the animal was filmed in my town a few years ago, over in Oklahoma.

51:52 Drew Sure.

51:53 Caller Yeah, and I went and saw the filming and I saw this really cool scene where you jump over a car and then I went to the premiere over in my town and then we were all disappointed. None of the scenes were there. I was wondering what's up with that.

52:07 Drew Well, it just, the movie ended up being like three hours. It was like Dr. Zhivago, the animal. And so they just, we cut that whole segment out. But it's actually in this. That's why you gotta get the DVD. I was gonna ask you. I think it is in this one. I know it's in the TV version. Did you see it on TV the other day? Yeah. And actually, it didn't really look that good, honestly. And jumping over the car, apparently I'm not able to jump over a car. Apparently I just, I'm not that talented.

52:35 Rob Schneider You don't look like you should be able to jump over a car.

52:38 Drew So anyway, it just never came out that great. But it's on the TV version. We actually finished it for, it was on TV the other day, and it is in there. I gotta tell you, the town was great. We had a great time up there.

52:50 Adam Well, let me say this. People should not get such a huge charge out of seeing their own crappy town. Like, I do that because I grew up in North Hollywood, and that's where they film everything. And every time I watch Adam 12, it's like, he's turned, he's on Magnolia! He's heading south, he's going, yeah, I know. You lived there your whole life, you hated it. He passed the Shell station. That's the one that's on Laurel and Magnolia. It's like, yeah, no ass, you drive past it every day.

53:16 Is it that big a thrill to see?

53:17 Drew I watched Freebie and the Bean when I was a kid, and I went, oh my God, they're in San Francisco, that's where I live. He's the greatest.

53:24 Adam It's not like there's you standing on the corner with a sign up that says, you know, my town or something. Just drive down the crappy street.

53:31 Drew The humping of the mailbox was done in Sonoma.

53:34 Adam All right, and that's it.

53:35 Drew I humped the mailbox there. You'd be happy with that.

53:38 Adam I'm gonna watch it when I get home tonight. Alicia? You're 18. Your ex-fiance left you and screwed your best friend. Oh, baby doll. And you want her back, him back?

53:52 Caller Well, it's, I don't, yeah, pretty much. I don't know, cause like, he told me that he likes me a lot and everything. But then like, when I tried, you know, showing affection and everything, and then he started just saying, oh, well, let's just be friends and everything like that.

54:10 Rob Schneider Some people define insanity as going back to the same situation without any significant change and expecting a different result.

54:16 Caller Yeah, really?

54:17 Drew Wow, that's crazy.

54:18 Caller That's good.

54:19 Drew And here's the scribe most of my life.

54:21 Rob Schneider And here's a guy that, although he tells you one thing, his actions speak far more loudly about who he is and what he actually feels. His words are merely to manipulate you, to get you to do the things he wants, period.

54:35 Adam Ironically, the words are only to believe from the kind of people who don't have, do bad actions and deeds. You know what I mean? Well, I mean, here's what I'm saying. People go, this guy, he lied and he stole and he cheated and he raped, but then he says this. Well, whatever that guy says doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Ironically, the guy who doesn't do anything bad, that's the guy you should listen to, but he doesn't have a rap. That guy, you don't need to listen to him.

55:03 Rob Schneider That is interesting, because guys that actually are genuine, it isn't so fluid with all that crap.

55:09 Drew Sometimes a girl will sleep with one guy and then try to create this perfect relationship out of this one guy, because they still feel guilty of her sleeping with a guy. Does that make sense at all?

55:19 Rob Schneider Yes.

55:21 Drew Is this the first guy you've ever slept with?

55:22 Caller No.

55:25 Adam But please don't crap on the guest point.

55:27 Rob Schneider You used to be a what?

55:28 Drew You used to what?

55:29 Caller I used to go around and I would have lots of boyfriends and I didn't really used to care about anybody. And then I got into this relationship and things just got really serious and everything. We had been-

55:41 Drew And you want to make it work even though the guy's a jerk?

55:44 Rob Schneider It's interesting how the abuse or inevitably becomes the abusee. I'm not the way I used to be anymore.

55:49 Adam Right.

55:49 Rob Schneider Because she used to go around and abuse guys and now she's getting abused.

55:52 Adam All right, well tell us a little about this guy.

55:55 Drew He sounds like a winner.

55:56 Adam Yeah, sounds like a delight.

55:59 Drew Is he in a coma now and I'm from crack OD?

56:02 Caller No.

56:02 Drew Okay, I'm confused. I thought maybe our collars are crossing over.

56:05 Caller No, he used to be really sweet and everything and then she supposedly had some huge personal thing going on and then he started being friends with her.

56:14 Rob Schneider Oh, it's her fault then. Oh, of course.

56:17 Drew She's got some stuff going on.

56:18 Rob Schneider That bitch, how dare she?

56:20 Adam She burned him with her personal thing.

56:21 Drew She mentally manipulated him at the sleeping with her. I've seen that.

56:25 Caller And now she's acting like she doesn't even want him or whatever and I told him I was-

56:28 Rob Schneider Alicia, Alicia, we're being facetious.

56:30 Caller Oh.

56:31 Rob Schneider We're being facetious. This guy is a predator and an a-hole.

56:35 Adam Yeah. And let me-

56:36 Drew You know what? It's also a self-esteem problem. Some girls, they just don't think they're gonna get another guy. You know what? You can get another guy.

56:43 Rob Schneider No, she had lots of guys.

56:44 Drew She just stuck on this guy.

56:45 Rob Schneider Just because this guy's an abusive a-hole. She has to have that. Her dad was an abusive-

56:48 Adam Where's your dad?

56:52 Rob Schneider There you go.

56:54 Adam This is not gonna get him back.

56:55 Drew From way downtown.

56:58 Rob Schneider There you go.

56:59 Adam That's the kind of guy she needs, huh? Can you get a guy who's not like your old dad, please? All right, that's enough. You're broken up. Stay that way.

57:11 Rob Schneider Okay.

57:11 Adam And let me tell you, ladies, the number one, here's what you need to do, everybody. Turn on daytime TV and then do the opposite of whatever you see.

57:21 Rob Schneider Everything.

57:21 Adam Whatever hairstyle you see, do the opposite. Guys, you see the guys-

57:26 Rob Schneider From 9A to 3P, whatever you see.

57:28 Drew You see the guys with the sleeveless t-shirts?

57:30 Adam Sleeveless t-shirts, the cutoff sweats, and the bad sort of greasy Nero hairdo where the bangs, you go the opposite.

57:37 Rob Schneider This includes the daytime dramas.

57:38 Drew Yes.

57:39 Rob Schneider The soap operas do exactly the opposite of what those people do.

57:42 Adam Ladies, when you flip it on and you see the two chicks fighting it out because the one guy's nailing both of you, instead of being angry at the guy, they've chosen to turn on each other.

57:53 Drew Yes.

57:54 Adam That is a white trash maneuver. No Jewish chick would ever do that. Can you imagine two Jewish brats going at it?

58:01 Rob Schneider No, they get together and cut the guy's nuts off. That's right!

58:04 Adam Then dance on it. You're right.

58:06 Rob Schneider Take one each.

58:08 Adam Oh, it's such a white, it's a real white, black chick, actually everybody but the Jews. Jew chick never do this. Never would. I just love it. I love it when they go at each other and they start just digging in and the guy's just gotta be laughing his ass off thinking, I get to F the winner of this fight.

58:25 Drew And the loser. What's it all like?

58:27 Adam That's right.

58:28 Drew Hopefully at the same time.

58:31 Adam David.

58:32 Hey.

58:33 Adam You're 20, what's going on?

58:35 Caller Just wanted to say, Adam, you're great. And also, I saw you guys at Stanford when you guys came down for that little talk or whatever.

58:42 Adam Great.

58:43 Caller Yeah, you took a little bit too many questions from the audience. Adam, you tried to throw a nut in my mouth. Remember that?

58:47 Rob Schneider That was you?

58:48 Adam That was you.

58:49 Rob Schneider How wild is that?

58:50 Adam Please put that in context though, David.

58:52 Caller Please.

58:52 Rob Schneider It was a cashew, be fair.

58:55 Caller The first get, someone asked a question in the audience and they came out and they offered Adam a bunch of gifts, Crown Royale and cashews because they liked nuts.

59:03 Adam Somebody gave me a big can of cashews and I decided since we're on stage, I want to see how many rows I could throw the cashew back and get it into some guy's mouth. I threw it about 12, 13 rows back.

59:14 Drew You got somebody. This guy.

59:15 Caller It was like nine or 10, Adam. But it was a pretty good distance, you know. It was about 20 feet and It broke a tooth.

59:22 Rob Schneider David doesn't go to Stanford.

59:24 Caller Yeah.

59:24 Drew You don't go to Stanford, huh?

59:25 Adam No.

59:26 Drew You were just, you live in Palo Alto?

59:28 Caller No, I don't. I go to San Jose. San Jose State.

59:30 Drew Hey.

59:31 Adam It was further than 20 feet.

59:32 Drew Not nearly as good.

59:33 Adam I threw the thing as far as I could throw it.

59:34 Drew San Jose State. That's in the same Pac-10. That's almost Stanford.

59:38 Caller Not really, Robin. I cut work a whole bunch of days that I'm over the break to actually go fishing in a Pacific appear.

59:44 Drew Hey, that's from my hometown.

59:46 Caller Yeah, I actually know that and yeah, always fogging Pacifica, though. Me and my friends always say that. And Rob, I just want to say that.

59:54 Rob Schneider Strange that I have a fact on this guy, man.

59:56 Caller Yeah.

59:57 Drew He's a Northern California kid. I got this guy pegged. Go ahead.

1:00:00 Caller I just want to say, Rob, you're great, but still there's Sandler, so you can't forget about that.

1:00:04 Drew What's that?

1:00:05 Caller I wanted to ask you.

1:00:07 Rob Schneider Everything is a but. Everything is but that.

1:00:09 Drew What about the Sandler?

1:00:10 Adam Well, let me just explain a phenomenon for years of doing the Man Show and dealing with the A-hole has been cross-bred with a fan. It's basically, there's some farm where they take very enthusiastic, very complimentary, ravenous fans of your work, and they cross-breed them with A-holes. And that's the guy I spend my life talking to. They go like, hey, I was there, I was on it. Yeah, man, Drew it, through that nut, 15 rows. That's more like eight. Rob, big fan of your work, one sand, we're gonna give you another kiss. You know, it's like, they just, they never.

1:00:47 Rob Schneider Everything's, yeah, but, everything. Yeah, everything.

1:00:50 Adam Yeah. They're just, there's-

1:00:52 Drew That's when I felt a little nervousness in his, you know, he's talking like, and then-

1:00:56 Rob Schneider Yeah, well, he goes, he goes, I went to Pacific Pier. It's always foggy there. It's like, what? Really, we needed to hear about the fog in Pacific Pier.

1:01:03 Drew Tell me something I don't know.

1:01:04 Adam I was in, I was in Houston and, and by the way, no, no bigger fan cross with an A-hole than you find in the Boston area, by the way. I saw some, I was in Houston.

1:01:14 Rob Schneider But those are at least full of enthusiasm.

1:01:16 Adam Just doing some sort of celebrity, whatever. And the guy called me over and he's like, hey Adam, come here, man, we're big fans, we're big fans. And I'm like, hey, what's happening? He goes, oh man, Kimmel, man, whoa, you're so much funnier. Kimmel, what's Kimmel doing? What's he up to now? And I said, he's got his own network talk show. And the guy goes, dude, I don't know what you're doing, but you should try to get on that show. It's like, what? He flipped the compliment on me in a second. Like one second he was a fan, the next minute Kimmel sucked. And now Kimmel's great. I should be getting on Kimmel's show.

1:01:48 Drew People come up to you and go, hey, that was pretty good. That's how that movie, that was pretty good. They can't give it up because it's some reflection on them.

1:01:54 Adam It was pretty good. I mean, the middle part was kinda, the beginning was good.

1:02:00 Drew I just would never go up to anybody and bug them. I just never would.

1:02:04 Rob Schneider I would say something even remotely.

1:02:07 Drew Anything would be positive.

1:02:10 Rob Schneider Maybe not heap, it's a straight appreciation.

1:02:12 Drew Yeah, I just, this was terrific, or I really like this. I would never want to have some coded thing.

1:02:19 Rob Schneider Just even a pleasure to meet you.

1:02:21 Drew Just transparent put down.

1:02:23 Adam Hey, David.

1:02:24 Caller Yeah.

1:02:24 Adam Alright, anyway.

1:02:25 Caller Anyway, I really appreciate all your work that you did. You were great in Big Daddy with the Kalka Radio and all that kind of stuff. And also, Thank you. Rob, I really, one of the best things I've ever seen you do was that laugh that you did on the roast of Hugh Hefner after Gilbert Godfrey told that joke. That was a genuine laugh.

1:02:43 Drew No man, I just, Gilbert Godfrey, there's certain guys that just kill me.

1:02:47 Adam Yeah, he's funny.

1:02:47 Drew Gilbert just got my, you know, and plus it was just the most, you didn't see it on the show how really disgusting that joke, the jokes he was saying was. He was just absolutely filthiest. You were there that night.

1:02:59 Rob Schneider That coming out of Gilbert Godfrey must be surreal.

1:03:01 Drew It's just, the scene just kills me. He's like a machine gun. It just pummels you and he just, he just always was making me laugh. He just murdered me.

1:03:09 Adam Yeah, he actually went up, he did about 20 minutes when everyone was supposed to do about six minutes.

1:03:16 Drew The filthiest.

1:03:16 Adam The filthiest X rated material you've ever heard in your life. I think it was an old joke, but he embellished it and delivered it impeccably. And the room was falling off their chairs, but they couldn't show it on tape, so God knows what actually was on the finished edit. But anyway, yeah, he is really funny. What's up? Hey, David, anything else?

1:03:40 Caller I just wanted to say, ask Rob if he had anything else coming up planned. I mean, like, literally promising in 51st dates, I just want to know what was next. Any more like cross-dressing for him or talking to the animals and sleeping with them?

1:03:50 Drew Well, I did a couple of the... I did the animal one in the cross-dressing movie. I don't know. It just seemed like it was fun playing a girl. It would be... I hadn't seen anybody else really do it. And the next movie is Deuce Bigelow 2, a European gigolo we start filming in a month.

1:04:05 Adam Where do you shoot it?

1:04:07 Drew In Amsterdam. So, you know, you may want to come out and visit.

1:04:10 Rob Schneider Oh, my God.

1:04:10 Adam Wow.

1:04:10 Rob Schneider Let's go. Do it at night in the morning.

1:04:15 Drew We'll do it from Johnny's Coffee Shop.

1:04:17 Rob Schneider Oh, Rob, you got to include us on that.

1:04:18 Drew Oh, you got to come. We'll definitely do it. We'll work that out.

1:04:21 Caller Jade is on.

1:04:24 Jade? Hello?

1:04:26 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:04:28 Caller First, I'd like to say thank you for taking my call. And second, I love the sound of your sexy voices.

1:04:33 Adam All right, baby doll. Well, thanks for calling.

1:04:38 Caller So my question is, I really like this guy and I wanted the opinion of a true man on how to approach him that I like him.

1:04:46 Drew Okay, first of all, if you just go up to him and say hi and that's about it. That's all you're going to need.

1:04:52 Rob Schneider Let's think about it.

1:04:54 Drew What do you want from the guy?

1:04:55 Rob Schneider Who is he to you? I mean, what's his relation to you?

1:04:58 Caller He's my friend. I've known him for about a year and a half.

1:05:02 Rob Schneider No, no, no, Rob.

1:05:03 Caller Oh, wait a minute.

1:05:04 Rob Schneider Does he have a girlfriend?

1:05:05 Caller No. He's really kind of mellow and shy about that kind of thing, I think.

1:05:10 Drew How come he's never hit on you if you've known him for a year and a half?

1:05:12 Rob Schneider That's what we're getting at here.

1:05:13 Drew Okay, if he's a cute girl and I'm a single guy and I've been friends with her for a year and a half, there's something else happening.

1:05:19 Rob Schneider Unless you were not available. Were you not available for some reason?

1:05:22 Drew He did hit on you, right?

1:05:24 Caller I was with someone else, but now I'm single.

1:05:27 Rob Schneider Okay, now when you first met, were you attracted to him?

1:05:30 Caller Yes, I was at the end of a really bad relationship and I got out of it and we started being really good friends then.

1:05:36 Rob Schneider But he didn't go for it then?

1:05:38 Adam No. Let's convene for a second. First off, if a chick is hot and a guy is single, you need no strategy. It's like Mike Tyson saying, I'm going to fight Dustin Diamond. What should I do? And the answer is, just go, just show up, just walk forward. You'll be fine.

1:05:58 Rob Schneider To me, it's even literally, it's even worse. It's like, what's this? We've got all these sharks, we're throwing the chum in the middle. What's the strategy? How do we get the sharks to bite? No, no, it's no strategy.

1:06:09 Adam No strategy. Show up. That's the strategy.

1:06:11 Drew But I'm thinking of it.

1:06:12 Adam But don't blame the shark. The shark thought you were its favorite meal. And by the way, do we really know what they have favorites? Or do we have one that they're lactose intolerant? Or what's an allergic to things? Like, shark's favorite meal. I bet his favorite meal is anything that falls off the goddamn boat.

1:06:29 Drew They'll eat a lawn chair if it falls off.

1:06:32 Adam Like, if I just took a frozen turkey, used the trebuchet and launched it off the back of a boat, that would be the shark's favorite meal. And by the way, shark's favorite meal is a rotting whale carcass, a 13-year-old Hawaiian chick, a piece of an outboard motor. They really have favorite meals.

1:06:48 Drew Someone swimming with seals.

1:06:51 Rob Schneider So she would be the chump. Now, the other thing is, when a male and a female get in a friendship, it always starts because somebody's attracted. And then the other...

1:07:00 Drew She didn't have to be in a relationship to get hit on, to not get hit on.

1:07:05 Rob Schneider But he wasn't attracted, because she was the one that was attracted to make the friendship.

1:07:08 Drew So has he ever hit on you since?

1:07:11 Caller Lately, I think he's sending me mixed signals. He's acting like a girl, like with the mind games, you know?

1:07:18 Drew Like what?

1:07:18 Rob Schneider Give us an example, a specific example.

1:07:21 Caller I asked him why he was talking with me, because I said, oh, you know, you probably talked to me before my time, right? And he said, no, close though. And I was, you know, kind of thinking there. I might be crazy, but I could be thinking he likes me there.

1:07:36 That sounded crazy.

1:07:38 Caller Absolutely.

1:07:39 Rob Schneider Yeah, Jade, don't you have to bring out the Ouija board and the Rosetta Stone and stuff. Guys are very specific and very direct.

1:07:47 Adam Once in a while you run into a guy who's a little spastic, who can't get out of his own way, in which case, okay, here's the real. I hate to say this, but booze must be involved. You guys must go.

1:08:00 Rob Schneider He is?

1:08:01 Caller Oh, not perfect, but he likes his drinks.

1:08:03 Adam All right, here's the thing. If you are with him one weekend and have a couple of cocktails in an intimate environment, the truth will start coming out.

1:08:12 Rob Schneider And if he doesn't go for it, then forget it.

1:08:15 Adam Yes.

1:08:16 Rob Schneider But don't jump at him because if he's not really attracted, not really wanting this to go in that direction, it's going to be very unpleasant and uncomfortable for both of you. Just open the door, just kick open the door and see what happens.

1:08:29 Drew Once you opened up the whole breast thing and he didn't move on that, there's something weird going on there. Because usually, if you're that direct to a guy and he doesn't make the forward leap onto you, then I would think...

1:08:44 Caller He's kind of shy and reserved in that way.

1:08:46 Rob Schneider Stop making excuses for him.

1:08:48 Drew I don't know. I'm thinking he's got some sexual confusion or he's just not into it.

1:08:52 Rob Schneider That's right.

1:08:53 Adam Go out and have a couple of boozes with him and see what happens.

1:08:56 Rob Schneider Those are the two options.

1:08:59 Adam Well, yeah, you can use quiet lutes.

1:09:01 Rob Schneider Just be in a sort of a alone, quiet moment with him. Why?

1:09:05 Adam What, are you 18? Okay, you drink wine cooler.

1:09:08 Rob Schneider Alone and quiet by yourself. And just leave the door open. Drop a couple of hints and see what happens.

1:09:17 Drew Al Green?

1:09:19 Adam Yeah, Little Al Green music never hurt, set the mood. Rob Schneider is in our studio tonight. The Animal out on DVD starting tomorrow. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Be back. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Rob Schneider's in studio tonight. He brought us both grenade-size avocados from his own tree.

1:09:58 Drew So we have many fruits, my wife and I.

1:10:01 Adam Those of you who are listening to the show, well, we got a caller from Wisconsin over here.

1:10:06 Rob Schneider Who's eating her heart out.

1:10:08 Drew It must be late out there.

1:10:10 Adam Let's put her on. The point is, Rob has either picked himself or more likely had his assistant pick a large avocado.

1:10:19 Drew I've got a big tree and I've got the pole.

1:10:21 Rob Schneider This is a pineapple-sized or papaya-sized avocado.

1:10:25 Adam Let's put it this way. If I threw this at your head, you would have died. And if I put it in Tré Boucher.

1:10:31 Drew I could do some damage.

1:10:33 Adam Melissa.

1:10:33 Rob Schneider The Tré Boucher Show.

1:10:34 Adam You're calling from Wisconsin.

1:10:37 Yeah.

1:10:38 Adam And how cold is it there tonight?

1:10:40 Very cold. It's like probably like 13 degrees out right now.

1:10:45 Drew That was crazy. It's actually warmed up for them. It was unbelievable last week.

1:10:50 Like all last week.

1:10:52 Adam And have you ever seen an avocado?

1:10:55 Yes.

1:10:56 Adam Have you eaten an ava... You've cooked with avocados.

1:10:59 Yes. We'll not really cook. I make dip and stuff.

1:11:02 Adam By the way, you want to hear what a horrible cook my wife is? I walked in the kitchen one day, saw her peeling an avocado like it was an orange. And she's like, what? And I was like, are you, are you serious? Like, did you know I was going to walk in? Like I said, you know, when I was masturbating and I said that I knew you were coming in and it was a joke, is it that kind of thing? She's like, no, no, this is how, this is how you do it. I said, I'm going to, I'm going to kill your mom. This is horrible. Oh, by the way, speaking of traumatizing the wife, let me just say one thing. We get to listen one second. Just remind me of something, Drew. You know, there's, there's like, we got every invention we need. It's like, there's 32 different kinds of bottle openers, you know, right? Cork pullers, wine bottle, I don't need 32. I need like two good ones or even just one. When is the toilet timer flusher thing going to come in? My wife has now discovered the third big duke floating in the toilet with her. And here's what happens, I'm on the phone.

1:12:06 Rob Schneider He doesn't want to flush.

1:12:08 Adam This is what happens.

1:12:09 Drew You're doing business on the phone, Mr. President. Yeah, you flush, you don't want people to know where you are.

1:12:13 Adam You don't want them to know who you are.

1:12:15 Drew So you stand up and you walk away. And then she comes in.

1:12:18 Rob Schneider And yeah, well, I have a feeling this wasn't that floating. It was a big dump.

1:12:21 Drew Was it standing straight up?

1:12:24 Adam She gave me, it was pointing toward Macca. She gave me this one. She goes, I was in the living room and I was listening to headphones and I was skipping rope. And she came out in the hall and she just looked at me. She was like someone who was landing a carrier on a deck. She did the two fingers, like, yes, yes, I said, what? She goes, come here. She did the wave and I'm like, I'm skipping rope. I'm like, what? And she starts guiding me in. She walks me all the way down the hall, through the thing, walks me on the, what is this? Then just right down to the toilet. I'm like, all right, I was humiliating. But if I had, if I had the foot, like.

1:12:59 Drew Well, you know what? You can have that same sound that you wanted for the cell phone, it's a zing, zing. That zing sound could tell her not to go into the toilet for a while.

1:13:07 Rob Schneider No, just a timer for the toilet.

1:13:08 Adam How about this? How about this?

1:13:10 Rob Schneider Flushing time.

1:13:11 Drew Oh, that's 30 seconds, all right.

1:13:12 Adam It's just a pressure, it's a pressure switch, which is after your ass gets down onto the seat, and if the cat jumps up on it, it's not active. It's gotta be more than like 70 pounds hits the seat, right? Let's make it 60 for Asians. Okay, the ass hits the seat and it clicks on. Now, after the ass comes off the seat, it flushes within five minutes of that time. Maybe two minutes, that's it. That could never, cause this happens all the time to me, and I don't know why, but I'm humiliated by it.

1:13:42 Rob Schneider Why are you humiliated?

1:13:43 Adam Maybe I do, all right. All right, but this is a good invention, right?

1:13:47 Rob Schneider Yeah, it's a great, it should be, or maybe the way we flush, we push it down, and it starts to slowly come up before it actually engages.

1:13:54 Adam No, but the water, the flush moves the water.

1:13:57 Drew What I want is that loud noise while you're on the phone. Right, right. Telling the person on the other line, you're not important.

1:14:02 Adam And I don't know what it is about having people thinking you're doing anything on the phone that's humiliating, like they call you at 4.30 in the morning, were you asleep? No, no, no, I'm right, I'm right. What is that in the background? Is that the TV? No, that's nothing, just a car drove by. Are you smoking? Why can't you do anything on the phone? You talk to your best friend, but he finds out you're taking a crap, it's a big deal.

1:14:23 Drew I call my friend Josh Lieb, he's a comedy writer, and this guy, and I'm talking to him, and all of a sudden I hear something like, ding, ding, and I didn't find out, are you in the bath right now? He says, yeah, he's perfectly comfortable like being in the tub. In the tub. He's in the, he's, hours he's in there, and it just, he's perfectly comfortable being on the phone.

1:14:39 Adam Wow, I like to talk to his therapist and start using him, Melissa. It's a comfortable, confident man.

1:14:46 Drew Yeah.

1:14:46 Adam So anyway, you like avocados.

1:14:50 Drew Yeah.

1:14:51 Adam It's 13 degrees in Wisconsin, and your question is?

1:14:54 I have a question. My boyfriend, we've been going together for about three years now. Lately, it's like he's trying to push me away, and I just don't understand why. And then it's like, he'll like take fights with me.

1:15:09 Rob Schneider Melissa, here's the thing about relationships at your age.

1:15:14 Yeah, but like when he leaves me, like I leave him, I get sick of it or whatever, or he'll say, I don't want to be with you, and I just want to be friends. I'm like, okay, that's fine. And I'll get over it for like a week. And then he'll call me and be like, I love you, I miss you, and this and that. And then it just cycles back and forth. And it's just like, I'm getting really sick of it. And like I've told him, like so many times, I'm just like-

1:15:38 Drew What is it that you want to do?

1:15:40 I love him, but I want to leave him. But it's just like, when I do and when I get comfortable, like being by myself, you know, after the first week, it's just like, okay, you know, I can do something.

1:15:52 Rob Schneider Okay, a couple of things here. First of all, I think that I love him, but I want to get away from, I don't think that exists after 35. It's like, I'm done, I'm gonna get away. You don't fool yourself anymore with that.

1:16:03 Adam Now, you pray one of your friend's bones or says she wants to leave you alone.

1:16:05 Drew By the way, just take it easy on yourself because it's extremely common. Everyone, it's just like, you know, the guy, he wants something else, the grass is greener, and a week later he realizes, you know, I got this though.

1:16:16 Rob Schneider Does he have sex when he comes back with you?

1:16:18 Um, yes.

1:16:20 Rob Schneider Okay, well stop that. Stop that and he'll stop coming back.

1:16:23 Drew Yeah.

1:16:23 Rob Schneider That's what he's coming back for.

1:16:24 But see, I'm, like, it's like, I need it too, you know? So it's like, okay, whatever, you know.

1:16:30 Adam Okay, but let me make this analogy that Drew, you know, I don't know what the average time, you know, people quit drugs or cigarettes or booze or whatever it is they're trying to quit. It's three or four times before it takes. And the same with relationships. You've been with somebody for three years, especially, you know, she's 20, so she got to get 16, 17 years old. You break up and then you get back and then you break up and you get back. She was like three, two, three times before it actually takes. And as you get older, you just start realizing, hopefully, that when you break up the first time, maybe you should just stick with that plan instead of bouncing back. But this thing is sort of, this is what happens when a relationship is sort of coasting to a stop. It's sort of like, you know what?

1:17:14 Drew Eventually, if you don't quit, he's gonna quit.

1:17:16 Adam Like when a car's running out of gas, every once in a while, it catches, and it's like, oh, oh, oh, you know? But it's running out of gas, but it'll catch every once in a while.

1:17:25 Rob Schneider But you know what caused it finally to grind to a halt, right?

1:17:29 Adam Her love of avocados and living in Wisconsin.

1:17:32 Rob Schneider No, somebody does something with somebody. Somebody finds somebody else, that's it. Of power, it's just boom, now it's over, that's it.

1:17:37 Adam It would be nice if there was an event that made it sort of, that you couldn't get past. You know what I mean?

1:17:45 Drew Right, but she hasn't set any boundaries in this relationship with this guy. She keeps taking him back, and so he gets what he wants, and then she's feeling like not the most high self-esteem in the world, so she keeps taking him back. And you just gotta find, if this is the guy you really wanna spend time with.

1:18:00 Adam No. That is break up. And look, anyone who's been with anyone from 17 to 20 needs to break up anyway.

1:18:06 Drew Right, and it's good to be alone for a while and to scare yourself, like I don't know what I could be alone. It's good to explore the I don't know what it's like to be alone.

1:18:14 Adam Right, plus, then what happens? You get engaged to somebody you've been sort of on and off with.

1:18:20 Drew You don't want that.

1:18:20 Adam Yeah, just break up.

1:18:21 Drew Use somebody you're excited about. Paul?

1:18:24 Adam Yeah? A man who shares your passion for avocados. What's up, Paul? I'm great. Hold on, I don't like this exporting of our fruits and vegetables to other places. You know, it used to be one of our things, like hey, Hawaiians had their pineapples, we had our avocados and we could laugh at other cities and states. Now everyone's got something. Everyone's got something.

1:18:44 Rob Schneider Everyone's got everything now. I've got a patient brings a bunch of Hawaiian papayas every time they come in.

1:18:48 Caller That's nice.

1:18:48 Rob Schneider They brought a bunch and they are so good.

1:18:50 Adam It's nice, but if you live in Hawaii, you gotta be angry. You gotta be angry about that.

1:18:56 Rob Schneider If you're Hawaiian.

1:18:56 Caller Yeah.

1:18:57 Drew It's like tumbleweeds in Hawaii and papaya. They're just everywhere. They just grow like weeds.

1:19:01 Rob Schneider They're amazing.

1:19:02 Caller I love that.

1:19:03 Adam Oh, little lime on there. What's happening, Paul?

1:19:07 Drew Indigenous originally to Brazil, but.

1:19:08 Rob Schneider Really?

1:19:10 Drew What they make fun of is the Portuguese over in Hawaii.

1:19:13 Adam Oh, really?

1:19:14 Drew Portuguese guys, the ones they make fun of, yeah.

1:19:15 Rob Schneider They don't have Paul Locke?

1:19:17 Drew And Pineapple's also from Portugal. I mean, I'm sorry, from Brazil.

1:19:20 Rob Schneider The Hawaiian's make fun of the Portuguese?

1:19:22 Drew Yeah, that's the person they make fun of. It's like the Chinese and the Hawaiians and they make fun of the Portuguese. I don't know why. Yeah. Just the way it works out.

1:19:30 Adam Hey, Paul?

1:19:31 Drew Yeah.

1:19:33 Caller Paul?

1:19:34 Drew Yeah.

1:19:35 Adam What's happening?

1:19:36 Caller Yeah, I can't go to sleep unless I have sex or masturbate.

1:19:40 Drew Me either. Okay, next call.

1:19:43 Adam So what?

1:19:43 Drew That's, yeah, you're a guy.

1:19:45 Adam What you do?

1:19:46 Drew Who, you know, if it's a choice, sure, who wouldn't want to? Are you saying you think you have a problem?

1:19:51 Caller Yeah, because I have a girlfriend and we have sex like five to six times a day.

1:19:58 Drew Come on.

1:19:58 Caller No.

1:19:59 Caller I don't know if something's wrong with me.

1:20:02 Rob Schneider It's bogus.

1:20:04 Adam I like, here's how you know it's bogus. No question.

1:20:06 Rob Schneider Yeah.

1:20:07 Caller Yeah.

1:20:07 Adam I bang like the bejeeze sound of my girlfriend eight times a day. So, do you know what the problem is? It's like, you got a boner, you idiot. Check off.

1:20:20 Drew Problem is it's too self-congratulatory towards you.

1:20:24 Adam Here's the reason, guys beat off before they go to bed, not because they can't do it or they won't, they have to do it or they won't be able to go to sleep, it's because they know it's going to be good eight hours before they can do it again. To me it's like why you take a leak before you take a drive to San Francisco. It's like, you know you're in your car, you gotta get one in, you're gonna be down for a while.

1:20:44 Rob Schneider Something could happen, earthquake or something.

1:20:47 Adam Sure, okay, yeah, let me give you an example. You didn't beat off and now like a missing piece of the Skylab goes right through your bedroom and crushes you and there you are.

1:20:59 Rob Schneider Oh, it's a tragedy.

1:21:01 Drew Here's what gets me, here's what I always think about, like tonight I was on the way over here. I said, you know, better pick up a little dinner. So I make my buddy drop, stop at a place, we get some food and I'm going by the food section in Wild Oats there and there's sushi. I'm thinking, if you're gonna buy sushi at a supermarket, if it's just in case, chances are it's not bad, but if it is bad, no one's gonna feel sorry for you. We're like, what were you thinking, getting sushi in a supermarket, just like people who go out and do this is like parasailing in Mexico, and then they get killed, well, what were you thinking parasailing in Mexico? So I'm always thinking of like, if what you're gonna get sympathy from or not, when you do something, sleeping with a Haitian hooker. Now, what were you thinking without a condom?

1:21:46 Adam Right, and it is true that the fact that you're gone is secondary to what took you out.

1:21:53 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:21:54 Adam I'm convinced I'm gonna be crushed by something frozen, a piece of food, like a pot roast or something.

1:21:59 Drew Or how about that gigantic, you know, when the ice that comes out of the toilets. No, the toilet from the plane, yeah.

1:22:05 Adam Yeah, they're called blue ice.

1:22:07 Drew Blue ice, I don't know what the term is.

1:22:08 Adam What?

1:22:09 Drew It's the stuff, sometimes there's a leakage of the plane.

1:22:11 Adam Blue ice, true.

1:22:13 Drew That'll be frozen at 30,000 feet from a plane, and it's the blue liquid from the toilet, and it'll actually leak out from the plane, and it will drop and be a chunk of ice and could just kill you. Yeah, yeah.

1:22:25 Adam You didn't know that?

1:22:26 Rob Schneider Urban myth.

1:22:26 Drew Urban myth.

1:22:27 Adam No, no, no. No, it actually happened. It went through a guy's boat and stuff. Well, here's the whole thing about planes and boats and all forms of transportation before just a few years ago. Somebody was like, look, we're 30,000 feet in the air. Why should we store a big barrel of poop to bring back with us to the airport? For Christ's sake. Yeah, yeah.

1:22:47 Drew We're over the ocean. Who's gonna know?

1:22:49 Adam I'm bringing macadamia nuts back from Hawaii. We got a big tub of, you know, we got enough weight. First off, there's weight issues on the plane. And secondly, who wants a big tub of crap? Well, just, we're over the Atlantic. We're 35,000 feet in the air. It's just dropping the ocean. Cruise liners used to do this, too.

1:23:03 Rob Schneider Trains in Europe. Trains are on the tracks.

1:23:05 Drew Trains are on the tracks, right? And trains in Europe, they just dump it out?

1:23:08 Rob Schneider Yeah, it's not a dump, it's just a hole.

1:23:11 Adam It just goes right under the track. Oh, jeez. Yeah, I think this, you know, maybe this, now people never did this back when they just rode bicycles. Did they just, a guy just cramping while they're riding that bike with the giant wheel?

1:23:23 Drew Yeah, but in England, back in the middle ages, what they do, they just throw the crap over the fence. If I don't see it, if the neighbor doesn't throw it back, I'm sure I'm going to put it. All right. Until they start throwing it back and then the plague.

1:23:34 Adam Yeah, then came the decorative popcorn tin and then he falls into the toilet. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Rob Schneider here tonight, we'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Aisha Tyler's in here tomorrow night, and then Jeff Probst is gonna be in here from Survivor. And I'm a big fan of Survivor. I watch it every season, so I'm...

1:24:14 Rob Schneider I watched after the Super Bowl.

1:24:16 Drew I just couldn't get into it.

1:24:18 Rob Schneider I hate reality TV, but I watched it.

1:24:20 Adam Yeah, I do too.

1:24:20 Drew My wife's a big fan of this reality stuff. I have to admit, it was like pummeling of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, the real world, and MTV's got these shows. They don't even play music on MTV anymore. But then you end up watching something. It's just like a car crash. I don't know if it's good, I don't know if it's bad, but I'm going to watch it while the impact is happening.

1:24:47 Adam Right, yeah. Well, it's just everybody getting in everyone's face and confronting everybody.

1:24:52 Drew Can you imagine how weird it is? Can you imagine somebody like Rod Serling looking at television in modern culture now go, well, Rod, here's the idea, well, what's on the air now?

1:25:01 Rob Schneider No, he's going to submit it for your approval.

1:25:03 Drew Yeah, submit it for your approval. A group of ten bachelors. One of these will pick, you know, what?

1:25:09 Adam Well, I find myself getting uncomfortable with certain rituals involved with like, you know, she's going on a date with one guy and making out with him, then she's out with the other guy, she's making out with him. I just, I get sort of humiliated for everybody involved and want to avert my gaze. But Survivor, at least there's an object that's sort of a theme in a game to play. I'm all right if they sort of pick a direction other than just out and out humiliation. John? John, you're 18.

1:25:41 Caller Yeah, I'm 18. By the way, Adam, I think you're like a freaking god. And Drew, you're like a genius. And Rob, I think you're a real time big fan. I love doing the hot shake. That was pretty awesome.

1:25:53 Drew Thank you.

1:25:53 Caller Yeah, anyways, oh, okay, here's my problem. The thing is that recently, I have no idea, but the thing is that I've been having problems like masturbation. It's like, it doesn't happen as often as I did before.

1:26:05 Caller What are you, 30?

1:26:07 Rob Schneider How long have you been off your usual pace?

1:26:09 Adam Yeah, I'm 17.

1:26:11 Rob Schneider How long have you been off your usual pace?

1:26:13 Caller It's been, I mean, a couple of months, actually. Probably been here four or five months, you know?

1:26:18 Adam Yeah, and by the way, hold on. Let me tell you something about masturbation, but it's any time you want to achieve a goal, you don't sit around and wait for opportunity to come knocking at your door.

1:26:30 Drew It's right there in front of you, pal.

1:26:31 Adam You drop those pants, you start beating off. His other side, he hasn't been visited by the beat-off fairy.

1:26:36 Drew You just gotta set a goal. You just gotta set yourself a goal.

1:26:38 Rob Schneider I know, Adam, this is hard for you to imagine, but most men beat off when they have an impulse to do so. They have a desire to, things build up, then they go. They don't wait, they don't unload before it's even...

1:26:48 Adam All right, and wait till one of those guys doesn't do it before he goes to bed, and as Rob says, meteor, or light-weight aircraft, police helicopter, something crashes through the roof and kills them.

1:27:01 Drew And on the way, when you hear that piercing noise on the way down, the last thing they'll think is, I should have jacked.

1:27:06 Rob Schneider Pow!

1:27:07 Adam That's right.

1:27:07 Rob Schneider John, have you started any medication or anything like that?

1:27:10 Caller No, actually not at all. Is it abnormal for me to do it only when I have the urge?

1:27:16 Rob Schneider No, that's normal. How often do you have the urge?

1:27:18 Caller I mean, in a day, probably sometimes, like, not even at all. Like, in a week, it'll probably happen about twice or three times a week, you know?

1:27:26 Caller You're perfectly normal.

1:27:28 Drew You're perfectly normal. Just chill out and go enjoy the rest of your life. This is not a problem.

1:27:33 Caller For real?

1:27:34 Drew Oh, yeah, you're fine.

1:27:36 Caller I'll have, like, pains, like, in my scrotum, too.

1:27:38 Drew Oh, you're screwed then. No, I take it all back.

1:27:40 Rob Schneider Both sides are one side.

1:27:41 Drew You're going to drop dead in a week, and your balls are going to fall off.

1:27:45 Rob Schneider Think how far we've come from the day when the guy was like, I can't talk about masturbation.

1:27:50 Drew No, it's crazy.

1:27:51 Rob Schneider Three times a week? Yeah. It's like, oh, my friends.

1:27:53 Drew Now, a little pain down there, if you haven't had unprotected sex, that's normal. You're fine. Don't worry about it. Don't be so paranoid. Get a hobby outside of your pants.

1:28:03 Rob Schneider You can get epididymitis. What? And you could get a trasticular torsion.

1:28:07 Drew How often is that?

1:28:08 Rob Schneider Pretty common. Trasticular what? Trasticular torsion, or the testes twist side to side.

1:28:15 Drew I've never known anybody who has that.

1:28:16 Rob Schneider Well, I've seen a few hundred cases. But the point is if something really hurts, get it looked at. But it's probably nothing.

1:28:23 Adam Rob only knows Sandler and the guy beats off in the tub when he talks to him on the phone.

1:28:27 Drew Those two guys are fine.

1:28:29 Rob Schneider Now.

1:28:29 Adam No torsion? Then it doesn't exist. All right. Let's talk to Sam who's 19 years of age. Sam? Oh, Sam the chick.

1:28:40 Drew Yes.

1:28:41 Adam I like that. What's up?

1:28:49 Caller I see you.

1:28:50 Drew I also want to say I see you.

1:28:53 Caller I don't want to come back here a lot.

1:28:56 Drew Just the Elvis, you know, with the young girls was always kind of creepy to me, but I know he must have talked to them like this.

1:29:01 Caller All right. I'm sorry.

1:29:04 Rob Schneider I talked to a woman that dated Elvis. She's the mom of a friend.

1:29:08 Drew What was her name? Paige?

1:29:10 Rob Schneider No. No, she just had one date with him.

1:29:13 Drew Was she 16 at the time or not?

1:29:16 Rob Schneider She was, I forget the story, she was like a sort of neighbor au pair and he spotted her and locked her and the date was set up. She said he's everything weird and bizarre and awful.

1:29:27 Drew Let me tell you.

1:29:28 Rob Schneider He was intoxicated and it fell asleep.

1:29:30 Adam How old was he at the time? Older Elvis?

1:29:33 Rob Schneider Middle older.

1:29:33 Drew But I'll tell you, that must have been the Vegas years or some of the 70s.

1:29:36 Rob Schneider Just prior.

1:29:37 Drew Because my cousin, who was from the Bay Area, her best friend, was the whole chapter in Elvis What Happened about her. She was 16. Here's the weird thing. She told me about the story. She was still a knockout when I met her when she was in her 40s. Anyway, she was 16 and she traveled with her mom to Vegas and then she had a big teddy bear in the front row and everything. Then after she sat down, somebody came back and said, E would like to see you. She was able to figure that out. Then he takes her up to his room and they're talking and just whatever in his bedroom until like 5 o'clock in the morning. Finally, Elvis says, by the way, how did you get here? My mom said, where is your mom? She's down in the diner waiting for me. The mom let the kid go up with Elvis. Elvis, you know it's my daughter, but you're Elvis. Until 5 o'clock in the morning. Isn't that crazy? Then they got her a hotel room.

1:30:34 Adam My dad did that with Paul Lin. He offered me.

1:30:37 Rob Schneider Really?

1:30:38 Adam Yeah. It was 1970.

1:30:40 Rob Schneider It was Grandpa Monster.

1:30:41 Adam 1975. It was one of the bigger names of the time. Yeah. He just waited in the lobby. I blew Paul. He was wearing a kerchief at the time. That's all. Just that.

1:30:53 Drew He was funny, the funniest center square ever, and fall in.

1:31:02 Caller Yeah?

1:31:02 Adam What's happening?

1:31:03 Drew So what's the deal? I forgot already.

1:31:05 Caller Oh, yeah. I almost forgot too. Well, I classified myself as one of those girls who has to have the guy that I can't have or whatever.

1:31:16 Rob Schneider Why don't you stop doing that?

1:31:18 Drew Because you're the girl that a lot of guys can't have.

1:31:21 Rob Schneider Why don't you stop doing that?

1:31:23 Caller I'm the girl that wants the guys that are unavailable.

1:31:27 Rob Schneider We got it. Why don't you stop doing that?

1:31:30 Adam Well, it's sort of a rite of passage.

1:31:33 Rob Schneider Time to stop.

1:31:34 Adam Yeah, but does this behavior stop or does it wear off? You know what I mean? It wears out. It's more like when you get tar on your foot at the beach. You just wear it off.

1:31:44 Drew Through emotional beatings, you finally discover that this is not something that's rewarding. It's something that's punishing me, and I'll stop doing it.

1:31:52 Rob Schneider That's right.

1:31:53 Adam Right. Yeah, but it's sort of like gambling in that there's the next score around the next corner. Sometimes. I could do it. But yeah, eventually you lose enough and just stop going to the casino. And Sam? Yeah. Right.

1:32:08 Drew But how unavailable is this guy? Is he your teacher? Is he your girlfriend's boyfriend? Is he your friend of your dad's? How unavailable is this guy?

1:32:16 Caller Oh, no, no, no. He's he's my ex boyfriend. And so it's just like we keep going back and forth and I hate that. So I tried dating like the boy.

1:32:26 Drew Can you lie and say it's your dad's best friend just to make this conversation more interesting?

1:32:29 Adam Yeah. That's what Rob can say. I knew it. Let's say I have a gift.

1:32:33 Drew I have a gift. No. So what? It's a boyfriend and what's the deal? Now you want him back and he's with somebody else?

1:32:42 Caller Oh, no, we just we keep getting back. We keep like getting together and breaking up.

1:32:47 Drew Well, we covered that.

1:32:48 Adam Speaking of breaking up, we got to take a break. You just we did cover it. It's a rite of passage. Here's what you got to do in this.

1:32:55 Rob Schneider Find another guy.

1:32:56 Adam Yeah. Don't get pregnant in the many back and forth because you get off birth control. He puts the condoms away. It's spontaneous. He shows up drunk. You get pregnant. Now you got a kid.

1:33:06 Drew Now you got to live with this person that you really, really don't want to be with.

1:33:09 Adam Right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. There, buddy.

1:33:47 Rob Schneider It's Loveline.

1:33:50 Adam That's Dr. Drew and Rob Schneider and that's the end of the show.

1:33:55 Drew Is that it?

1:33:55 Adam That's it.

1:33:56 Drew I thought tonight would be the night we're gonna go to Four in the Morning.

1:33:58 Rob Schneider We could, but then again, maybe not.

1:34:02 Adam Animal is the name of the new one.

1:34:03 Rob Schneider We'll do that when we're in Amsterdam while broadcasting together.

1:34:06 Drew We'll do 20 hours straight.

1:34:08 Adam Yeah, we'll do one of those bad DJ things where the guy spins records for 44 straight hours while he just drinks coffee and does trucker speed and somehow it's a testament to the guy. By the way, I don't want to hear a guy who's been up for 45 hours now. Rob Schneider, The Animal, which is out tomorrow on DVD. It's got all the added footage, deleted scenes, and it's got Bobby Bersini actually giving commentary.

1:34:32 Drew Bobby Bersini actually being torn in half.

1:34:36 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:43 Caller And second, I love the sound of your sexy voices.

1:34:50 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, February 2, 2004