Episode 1000577545112

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician. This is Master of Paths By.

1:12 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:14 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:18 Drew I love that TV show.

1:19 Adam You love that scrub.

1:20 Drew I do, it's back, and I'm just so happy.

1:22 Adam Let me tell you, Drew, Drew hates all things doctor.

1:25 Drew Except that show.

1:26 Adam I know. Drew, you're the only doctor you like.

1:30 Drew No, no, I love scrubs.

1:31 Adam You and Dr. Wackensack, the guy who chops the nuts off of perfectly young, perfectly fine young men, and that turns them into perfectly un-fine young women. Yep, that's your favorite guy. Oh, Christ Almighty.

1:48 Oh.

1:49 Drew The heat.

1:50 Oh.

1:54 Adam Oh, let me say a few things, for F's sake. Oh, for Jesus F. I want, let me tell you, all ladies, all women. First off, this God forsaken heat wave started last Friday. I mean, we're now at officially a week of hell. One week.

2:19 Drew I think it feels like it's been longer, to tell you the truth.

2:21 Adam Yeah, well, you know, last Thursday wasn't snowing.

2:24 Drew No, it was Friday when it got crazy.

2:26 Adam It kicked in into overdrive last Friday. There's a couple of things. First off, I got out of town. I went to Vegas to beat the heat.

2:34 Yeah, yes.

2:36 Drew How were the calls?

2:38 Adam I did all of them. I wasn't that funny. I gotta be honest with you. I was so goddamn tired. Okay, let me explain what's going on. I can't sleep because it's godforsaken heat. It's unnatural for me to sleep with the ceiling fan blowing and the air blowing and it's 76 degrees outside at 430 in the morning. It feels weird.

3:01 It doesn't feel right.

3:02 Drew You sleep with your mouth hanging open.

3:04 Adam That's how I think.

3:05 Drew Yeah, I know.

3:06 Adam I must, I'm a mouth breather. I got it. That's how I breathe. My nose is no good. Okay, so here's what's been going on. I've had a cold for one week. I got sick last Friday. The exact same thing that's going on.

3:19 Drew But you got the cold the day the heat wave began.

3:23 Adam Yes.

3:23 Drew So it's congestion and insane heat.

3:27 Adam Yes. Yes, oppressive heat mixed with a head cold, mixed with a very raw and sore throat.

3:34 Drew Because.

3:34 Adam And the only way I can breathe is with my, because now my nose is packed shut with Snuggies. The only way I can breathe is to keep my mouth wide open with the ceiling fan blowing 80 mile an hour winds into my face.

3:47 Drew Basically, it's like you're having, holding a handheld hairdryer up to your mouth.

3:51 Adam Yeah, all night. And it's just hot, good, dry Santa Ana BS wind blowing up my ass all goddamn night. Okay. This is five days. I mean, this is a week of this torture. It came to a head today. Yeah, I compare it. I can't even talk. It came to a head today. Last night, I went home. I went to bed at 2 15. I got up Vegas, 6 10, 6 10 baby dolls, to go to 6 10 for your lovely Southwest, 55 Southwest flight out of Burbank.

4:27 Drew Did anybody hear you yelling about that the night before? Is there any grief?

4:30 Adam No, I promptly lost my license.

4:33 Drew What? Oh, you're drunk.

4:34 Adam First thing I did.

4:36 Drew So you can't get on the plane.

4:37 Adam No, you can. Let me tell you the beauty of the Burbank airport and Southwest and all this. They like to keep things mixed up for the terrorists and for you. One day you show up and they're like, yeah, you can't get past this point without an itinerary. Oh, okay. You show up the next day, you have an itinerary. They're like, no, no, you gotta be ticketed to get past this place. So here's what I do.

5:03 Drew Then I came there once and they're like, itinerary? That was last month.

5:07 Adam That's what happened. I showed up with the itinerary, pulled out my driver's license, attempted to go through the checkpoint to head to the security. And they're like, no, you need a hard ticket. And I'm like, yeah. Every time I've ever flown on your airline, I show you the itinerary, I show you my driver's license. Then I go ahead to the gate and I get my hard ticket. They're like, no, we've changed that. Never give you a heads up, they just change it. So somehow, now let me tell you something. And I know this is gonna, you know what? My on and off again lover, Jimmy Kimmel, has come up with a great idea. The ID hat. It's almost like the press hat. It's like a fedora baseball hat. There it is, because here's the thing. I don't exactly know what the math is, but you can only slide your license out of the jacket and out of your wallet something like 26.72 times before it vanishes. You only get, and I used to be able to keep it in the wallet. Once every eight years a goddamn thing came out. Now it's every five seconds. We're gonna need some ID. We're gonna need some ID. We're gonna need some ID. And it keeps sliding out. And lo and behold, one of these times, it don't make it back in. And here's-

6:19 Drew It's like Germany in World War II.

6:20 Adam Your papers, where are your papers? Yeah, where are your papers? So pull my driver's license out, show it to the lady, show her the itinerary. She says, no, go to the ticket. So really I gotta go get in that big line. She says, no, just go to the self-check-in hub over there. So now I got the driver's license. Now here's where it gets dangerous. Let this be a lesson to you, kiddies. You gotta just put it back at that point. Now I'm holding it out and I'm thinking, I'm thinking, all right, I'm not putting it back because I'm coming right back.

6:47 Drew Also you're gonna use it for the self-check-in thing.

6:49 Adam Yeah, now the license is in my hand. Pull up to the self-check-in, it wants a credit card. So I must then take the license and set it down onto the thing.

6:59 Drew Or God knows what.

7:00 Adam God knows what, put the thing in, do the thing, turn around, walk about 60 feet right back to the thing, show her the hard ticket. Where's my license? I just showed it to you. Yeah, yeah, I saw it. Where is it? Now, now this is great. This is great to do with a horribly sore throat, a head that's on fire, and a three and a half hour sleep. Where you start rifling through stuff, where you check the same pocket 22 times. You know that move? You know when you're really sleep deprived and you look for something? You look in that pocket.

7:29 Drew It's got like, it's gonna, like if you look one more time, it will appear.

7:31 Adam Maybe it'll be there. Like when your uncle used to pull that nickel out of your ear. Somehow it'll be back. Just checking. Now I'm wearing the cargo pants with 75 pockets on it. I'm pulling things down. I'm pulling things inside out. I'm dumping stuff. Now I'm gonna miss my flight. Can't find the license. At this point, gotta cut my losses. I said, now look, I don't have my license, but you saw my license, you know, before. I got the ticket. What should I do? She said, oh no, no, just, yeah, go on right there. Just stay to the right, stay to the right. You go through. That's the cavity lane. That's the, you got no ID. You gotta spread them. That's, the guy gets a handful of margarine and fists you in that lane. Now here's the thing I was thinking about as I was basically disrobing, unrobing in front of you. The shoes are off, belt's done. You gotta undo the belt, you gotta hold it wide in front of you. It's really, I don't know what it would have been. It would have been at least like the kind of porn you'd see on Cinemax about 20 years ago, what you see in those lines. Your shirt's up, your thing's open, the guy's rubbing the wand in between your legs, your shoes are off, stuff spilled out all over the place. You know what I feel like? Traveling through the airport, when you travel, you put stuff together. You know when you leave, you got your organizer, you got your cell phone, you got your Walkman, you got your briefcase, you got all your junk. Then you get the airport, you tear everything apart. And then you, in a hurry, try to put yourself, you scoop a handful of it. That this, what the airport is like, it's like, you're saying, I'm gonna take this beautiful sports car up the coast, the Carmel, and meticulously packing everything into it, blankets, a picnic basket, all sorts of junk, maps, driving gloves, and then pulling over, taking all of it, throwing it on the ground, and then stuffing it back in the passenger side and speeding off with your dork hanging out because your fly's down and your belt's undone. That's it.

9:28 Drew That's it.

9:29 Adam Now you scoop everything back and you're walking around in your shirts, part of your shirt's tucked in your shoe and your hat's off weird and you can't find your sunglass because you're scooping everything and running with it.

9:40 Drew Absolutely.

9:41 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. The goddamn indignity of travel these days.

9:46 I can't believe that!

9:49 Adam All right, so now I don't know where my license is.

9:52 Drew Really, it's gone.

9:52 Adam Yeah.

9:53 Drew It's gone, yeah.

9:54 Adam As far as I know.

9:55 Drew And of course, you'll go to the DMV, get it renewed though. I know you.

9:59 Adam First thing, yeah. And on the way back, what line do you think I get in again? Oh, you get back in the cavity. You know what I'm thinking while I'm doing this? What kind of terrorist travels without an ID? Yeah. You know what I mean? Here's some steely-eyed foreigner with the turban on his head and the big beard. He's wearing the huaraches and the robe and it's like, no, I do not have, no, no, I forgot the ID. Yeah, really? Don't you think these guys would have their ID? I love this. It's great. It's like, there's no possible way a guy could blow up a plane with a two-way ticket and an ID. Now you got a one-way ticket. Don't you think the first people that would cover all these bases would be these people?

10:43 Drew Yes.

10:43 Adam The only effers stupid enough not to have an ID are the guys who have no intention of blowing the plane up.

10:50 Drew Yeah. Right, so.

10:52 Adam I'm just sitting there with a whole bunch of lily-white old people getting just torn apart.

10:57 Drew Shirts pulled up. How was the ride?

10:59 Adam Things rammed up asses.

11:00 Drew How were your seat-

11:01 Next caller!

11:02 Drew No, no, just quickly.

11:03 Hold on a second.

11:07 Adam Hey Anderson.

11:09 Drew Yeah, buddy?

11:10 Adam Don't touch that goddamn button.

11:12 Drew I thought you told me to touch buttons.

11:14 Adam Stay away from it.

11:15 I'm confused, sorry.

11:16 Drew All right, hey Anderson. How were your seat-mates? They were fine. No guys in cut-offs? No BO? There is a call coming up though that will cheer you up a bit.

11:27 Adam Shut up Anderson, just shut up and do the buttons, would you please? Eva?

11:33 Sorry.

11:35 Adam You're 21?

11:35 Caller Yes, I am.

11:36 Adam What's up?

11:37 Caller How are you guys tonight? I'm so sorry, your plane trip was so bad.

11:40 Adam I know I- No, it's not my plane trip. It's the life, oh, wait a minute.

11:44 Drew But I have to tell you, she's from Sacramento. That is the place, that is the world's worst Southwest airport. It's a nice airport, but the security stuff takes hours to get through.

11:52 Adam Plane ride was fine, everything was fine until we were coming back. I landed, by the way, so I got back in town at 8.30 tonight. Eight o'clock, we're coming in on our final approach to Burbank. Eight o'clock, what's the captain do? What's he always do, right? As you're pulling in about this time. Gonna give you the weather.

12:11 Drew And the wind.

12:12 Adam And the wind. And knots. Oh, the all important knots, because everyone knows that a knot is like 1.62 miles per hour, right?

12:21 Drew Sure, everybody.

12:22 Adam All right, so here's the, yeah, it's probably like 1.23 or something, but here's the point. Coming in, it is dark. I'm looking out the window at the lights. It is eight, eight o'clock at night. Plane lands at eight. It's about two minutes to eight because we're on final approach. It's 85 degrees, we're coming in. It doesn't say, you know, it's just matter of fact, like he reads the thing. Well, it's 85, 85. It's pitch black outside, 85. You know what I thought? Please just let one of those sidewinder missiles hit this plane, put us all out of our misery. Is there any terrorist with an ounce of compassion that could just shoot one of those shoulder harness missiles at us and it all? We're gonna have to go through 85 degrees. It was dark outside.

13:10 Caller Yeah, good times.

13:12 Adam No, for Christ's sake.

13:14 Drew All right, Ava, what's going on?

13:15 Caller Well, I just wanted to tell you, I am a certified bra fitter for a retail company. And I know you're always asking me about how the cup sizing and all that works.

13:25 Drew What does that mean?

13:26 Caller What do you mean?

13:27 Drew What's a certified bra fitter?

13:28 Caller A certified bra fitter is A happy person. someone who has been through extensive training on how the tissue works and how the different cup sizes fit, how to place them on the proper body type.

13:38 Adam The tissue like when when chicks stuff their bras?

13:41 Caller Well, they teach us how to stuff them too. We don't have as much as some of the other stores, but they have all kinds of really great shouldn't a certified bra fitter and things we combine put in there.

13:52 Drew 65 year old Bavarian woman.

13:53 Adam One would think. So you're certified bra fitter. How long does that take the certification course?

14:03 Caller I've been working for the company for about six months. So it was almost about seven now. So it depends on on how expensive the training is and how fast you take it up. It's a difficult department to work in right to it. Any fellows certify you to do prosthesis fitting for women who had breast cancer. And that's the hardest. I haven't learned that yet. I'm kind of unsure if I want to do that.

14:26 Adam I put that on the back burner.

14:28 Caller Yeah.

14:28 Caller All right.

14:30 Adam Well, you then can explain to us the bra sizing.

14:34 Caller Yeah, the cup sizing. Well, pretty much most of the women that call your show are probably wearing the wrong bra size to begin with. 8 out of 10 women do wear the incorrect size. You just kind of assume what they are without really getting measured. And what we do is we measure-

14:48 Adam Hold on, hold on a second. Did you say 8 out of 10?

14:50 Caller Yeah.

14:51 Adam 8 out of 10 women wear the wrong bra size. Yeah. Too small or too big?

14:56 They usually wear too small.

14:58 Caller And they're usually like popping out or- That's when the wires dig into you. You shouldn't show them at all.

15:04 Adam All right. How do you get a proper measurement?

15:08 Caller So what we do is we measure underneath the breast tissue above your rib cage about where your band should sit. We take that measurement. And then we also, sometimes when you're first learning how to do it, you take a measure along the bust line.

15:20 Drew Stop it, stop it.

15:23 Adam Why do you say tissue after breast?

15:26 Drew Breast tissue. Breast material. What do you want to call it?

15:30 Adam Well, the breast.

15:30 Drew The breast. Okay.

15:32 Adam You know, when people are dealing with things that are a little uncomfortable, they add words.

15:36 Drew You have to have euphemisms, sure.

15:38 Adam It's always like when the guy was telling me to take my shoes off, take my belt off and bend over and spread my cheeks and stuff, they always go, sir, what I'm going to need you to do for me right now. They can't just go, can you take your shoes off? Cops always do this. Sir, what I'm going to need you to do for me right now, if you please, just step out of the vehicle. They can't just say, get out. Ma'am, what I'm going to need you to do for me right now is remove the breast tissue.

16:04 Caller Remove the breast tissue. Sorry, I'm used to being in an environment where we have to be really pretty.

16:10 Adam You have to carve all the sexuality out of it.

16:12 Caller Yeah, we measure them below the breast and sometimes we measure them around the nipple right about where that would be and then you subtract five.

16:20 Adam Okay, what do you mean around the nipple, you mean all the way around the back?

16:24 Caller Yeah, we take the tape measure and go around. When you're first learning how to do it, I don't really do that anymore and we're not really supposed to but when you're learning how you can.

16:31 Adam I think when she says around the nipple, I think it goes under the arms and around the back.

16:36 Drew Around the back.

16:36 Caller Correct.

16:36 Adam It crosses the nipple.

16:38 Caller Yes, correct.

16:40 Adam Okay. So around...

16:42 Drew Around the nipple would be...

16:43 Adam Around the nipple, let's see.

16:44 Caller Right on top of it and then around the...

16:46 Drew The back.

16:46 Caller Around the back.

16:47 Adam Right. Around the rib cage, around the thorax. Yeah, go around the rib cage. Nipple high.

16:52 Caller Mm-hmm.

16:53 Adam And then the cup...

16:54 Drew Or low.

16:55 Adam And then how do you go with the cup? How do you go under the breast?

16:58 Caller Well, that will just determine the size, the band of the bra should be, you know, where you hook the snaps in the back.

17:04 Adam Yeah, but where do you start the tape when you're going under the breast?

17:08 Caller I take it... I go from... I stand behind them...

17:12 Adam Yeah.

17:13 Caller With the look in my eye because it's uncomfortable. You go behind them and you take the measure around and then bring the edges to about the back or to kind of to the side of the back. And then, you know, you kind of cross them over and...

17:24 Adam What's the biggest set you've ever measured?

17:26 Caller I have had a customer come in and she was about 46 G and above. I think she was maybe even an H, but we don't really carry them that high.

17:39 Adam What are we talking about? That's gross. True.

17:42 Caller We got to move on. They're not like Sam, Pam Anderson type. Yeah.

17:48 Adam Come on, baby doll. You're moving it for me. So you measure and then the cup. All right. Let's just figure the cup out for a second because I've always been confused. You got your A cup, you got your B cup, you got your C cup. Double A, triple A? True. Would you shut up? You got your A cup, you got your B cup, you got your C cup, you got your D cup, you got your double D cup, and doesn't seem to be a double B, double C, or double anything else. There isn't a double A.

18:16 Caller There is a double A.

18:17 Caller There is.

18:18 Adam I've heard of it. That's a battery.

18:21 Drew But why do they double up on certain letters and not others?

18:24 Caller That's the American system. In Europe, they don't do that.

18:30 Drew But what do they do here?

18:31 Caller What we do here is we go with the doubles. I've asked around. I've asked all of my coordinators and my trainers and whatnot why that is. And I think for American women, they're uncomfortable with another letter other than D. Because when you tell a woman she's a single D, she's like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. No. And they get very defensive about it.

18:49 Drew They get kind of like folded. They want to be a C or a double D?

18:51 Caller Most women want to be about a 36C.

18:54 Drew Really?

18:54 Caller From the average, yeah.

18:55 Drew They don't want to be a D?

18:56 They don't want to be a D.

18:57 Drew And is there a triple D?

18:59 Caller Yes, there is.

18:59 Drew Bouncy, bouncy. So D is the only letter that's tripled up?

19:03 Mm-hmm.

19:03 Drew The rest of the letters are all single?

19:06 Caller Well, there is what they call a quad D, but that usually on the tag is a G, which would be four in American.

19:13 Drew So double D is an E?

19:15 Adam Correct. There's no E? Double D is an E. In Europe.

19:19 Drew And triple E, D is an F?

19:20 Adam Yes.

19:22 Drew Somebody's explained it.

19:22 Adam You got that? Thanks. You're welcome. That was wonderful. We're so stupid as Americans. We can't handle, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like them going, well, I don't want to be an E cup. Okay, we'll make you a double D. Really? Why don't you just call her B cup then? Let's just write a big B on her huge cans.

19:48 Drew Why don't you just abort the whole thing altogether at that point?

19:51 Adam I hate to admit it, but they're a little smarter than us in Europe sometimes with their, with their logic. It's like you go from A, B, and then when you get, you go, you go D, E.

20:01 Drew Well, they're sort of more matter of fact. It's like, you want to be an E? Shut up, not, not, come on, it's E, let's go.

20:07 Adam Yeah.

20:07 Drew Right?

20:08 Adam Yeah. Well, but I'm just talking in general. We got to get some of these calls through, but let me just say this. In Europe, their measurements, they move in order.

20:16 Drew That's right.

20:18 Adam If something, if something's three millimeters and it's, and that seems too small, it's four millimeters and in the United States, it's like it's, it's three sixteenths. That's too small. Maybe it's thirty seven sixty fourths. You know, you know, it's like really, they just go up one number. We start spreading out in these multiple fractions that your head will explode. What's up, Drew?

20:39 Drew Twenty eight days later. Last night of our promotion.

20:41 Adam Oh, thank. Holy.

20:42 Drew So Ava and her kind, any callers that get on the air tonight above the age of eighteen will get a DVD of the horror film 28 days later, then on the 26th we will be pulling from these names and trying to find the winner of this contest who will be able to spend 28 days at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Las Vegas.

21:01 Adam Drove past it three hours ago.

21:03 Drew Great.

21:03 Adam Drove right past it.

21:05 Drew Did you get the prostitute you're going to just shamed to the radiator there?

21:08 Adam Just stared at it and thought, you know what? It's exactly the same temperature here as it is right just left. I got on a plane and went to the only place on the planet that was exactly the same temperature as Los Angeles. Really, it's like I didn't leave. I just went one of the corners of Satan's basement to the other.

21:28 Drew Except it gets cooler at night.

21:29 Adam Over there? Well, I was smart enough to leave at seven. Bob?

21:34 Hey, what's up?

21:35 Adam What's happening? You're 25.

21:37 Caller Yeah, 25. All right. Previously 25 year old virgin. Couldn't believe it. That is the fact. Hooked up with an older chick. I was at the bar. I wasn't even planning to go to the bar. Went to the bar and made eye contact with this older woman. I also like older women. I don't know why, but. Mason Dr. Anyway, I can't. We had sex for like, I don't know, two hours or more. I'm a homosexual.

22:05 Adam Let me ask you a question.

22:06 Caller Yeah.

22:07 Adam What year were you born?

22:08 Caller 78.

22:09 All right.

22:11 Adam What month? Keep going.

22:15 Caller Anyway, we had sex for like, two hours or more. I don't know, but I didn't get off. Didn't even come close.

22:23 Adam Not even close?

22:24 Caller No, not even with the oral or anything else. And now, after that, which that was a one night stand that went about four days too long, but now I can't even jerk off. You need some help? My soldier doesn't stand at attention no more.

22:43 Adam Can't get an erection?

22:44 Caller Huh? Uh-uh. About halfway.

22:47 Adam Halfway? That's good enough when I'm drunk, I can still beat one out.

22:51 Drew How long has this been going on for?

22:53 Caller It's just been going on for about three days.

22:57 Drew Three days. Are you upset about this thing you did with her?

23:00 Caller Not exactly, but it's just bothering me because I can't get off no more.

23:07 Adam You were a virgin before you were with this girl?

23:10 Caller Yeah.

23:11 Drew Is there a reason for that?

23:12 I don't know.

23:13 Caller I tried, you know, I tried my ass off, but no luck until that night.

23:17 Adam Bad luck. Yeah. Yeah, sometime for some certain guys your number just doesn't come up.

23:23 Drew Yeah, but you're saying you can't ejaculate and you can't get an erection, right?

23:28 Caller Well, it comes about halfway up.

23:30 Drew You have two different problems, right?

23:33 Caller Two different problems. It only goes about halfway up.

23:36 Drew See, that's why it's bogus.

23:38 Adam And it just keeps getting back. It only goes about halfway up. Here's, here's how you know they're bogus. Whenever they go, they have a non-question, they go, how can you help? Can you help? It's always a no, because no one actually has a problem ever asked us to help or what should I do? They never go, what should I do? They never do that.

24:00 Drew Nor do they repeat the same.

24:01 Adam They just keep repeating the same thing. Yeah, you're trying to get a little clarity and they're sticking to their same story. I just made nine hours of bogus phone calls.

24:10 Drew Yeah.

24:11 Adam Believe me, I know.

24:12 Drew For crank anchors.

24:13 Adam Yeah. Where do you live? Oh, I'm in the neighborhood. Whereabouts? I'm out on Summer Grove. What's the number? I'm right on up, right on up street. Well, where is that? Well, let me ask you a question. Yeah. It's all I did was total out and out BS times a thousand calls.

24:32 Drew Oh, and still no funny ones.

24:33 Adam Nothing funny.

24:34 Drew That sucks.

24:35 Adam I got a couple of good ones in. Oh, but let me tell you this too, Drew. People aren't picking up the phone like they used to. People have had an ass full of the telemarketers or whatever. Used to be a year or two ago when we were doing crank anchors. I just called somebody in Kentucky at noon. They picked the phone up. It's like, how y'all doing? How are you doing? Now, it's like, bam, everyone's on edge, that whole thing where they're going to get everyone's number off the speed dial and stop to make this illegal, that illegal. Everyone's had an ass full of the phone, by the way. Have a good time. All right. We're going to take a little break. Taking Back Sunday, the band is going to be in here, but not until 11. Drew, I curse myself by yelling at you, I never get sick. One week ago today.

25:24 Drew Could have had that vaccine.

25:25 Adam Could have had my illness. Well, that vaccine wouldn't have done anything. Thank you. Thank you. And it took a big man to admit that. And it took a bigger man to admit that you were a big man by admitting that. All right. We'll be back. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LEV-E-191. I'm back from Vegas. I slept for four hours. My mouth feels like I swallowed a pincushion. You ready to rock, Drew?

26:21 Drew Let's go, Mr. Happy.

26:23 Adam I gotta stop talking, Drew.

26:25 Drew Yeah.

26:25 Adam Nicole? You're 23?

26:33 Drew Yeah.

26:34 Adam What's up?

26:35 I have a question. I guess, basically for Dr. Drew, I have a big problem with my husband masturbating. I just don't like it. It's a really big turn off for me. When I, not like what we're doing it with, you know, while having sex, but if I think that he's masturbating while I'm not home, it just really bothers me.

26:55 Drew How do you find out about it?

26:57 I walked in on him.

26:59 Adam Nice. I love that. Mid-stroke. Was he actually stroking his meat? That's great. Nothing better for all other guys. Let me tell you something, Drew. Let me tell you what I would pay $300,000 for. A real, a five hour real of guys getting caught, beating off high schoolers, teenagers, old guys, guys at work, retarded guys, fat guys, black guys, white guys, wives catching them, stepmoms, bosses, bus drivers, whoever.

27:41 Drew Somebody pulling up in the car next to you.

27:42 Adam And I'm not talking about hidden cameras. I'm talking about a cosmic real. Seen through the eyes of God. Just that old business look, little sweat building up on the forehead, furrowed brow, shirt held up by the teeth, spanking away. And then all of a sudden, jumping up like a ninja, knocking stuff over, nivya everywhere. Drew, if that was three hours long, would you just laugh for three hours? Without a maniac?

28:13 Drew I'd stop breathing.

28:14 Adam If it was nine hours long, you'd eventually die. As long as it was, as long as you'd laugh. You wouldn't have to know who they were, wouldn't matter. Any age, any race, any creed.

28:25 Drew The most amazing and funny thing of all time.

28:28 Adam What I love that. I gotta work that out, Drew. Nicole?

28:33 Yes.

28:35 Drew So anyway, is that where you developed your distaste for what he does just by walking on him? Or would you already have been sort of untroubled by it?

28:43 No, I really hadn't been troubled by it before, but I think just the fact of walking in on it was just like, it was like, it was just something I didn't want to see.

28:51 Adam What did he do when you walked in?

28:53 I mean, it was, I don't know, I think his face was like, it was like one of those, oh my God, looks, and I just shut the door. I mean, I didn't, it was like, I don't know if it's what a parent felt like walking in on, their teenage son or love.

29:07 Adam Was he in your bed or on your sofa?

29:09 In our bathroom.

29:11 Adam Oh, doing the sink jack? Toilet?

29:16 Yeah.

29:17 Adam Let me tell you, people are like, oh, not the sink. Oh, okay, in the toilet. Let me tell you the percentage of that spunk that ends up in the toilet, way less than 10% according to some estimates, and as low as three, you know, and other studies have read about, Drew. That thing is everywhere but the toilet. Ain't no way. You know what I'm saying? Decorative soap, magazines, towel racks, all, it's everywhere but the toilet.

29:43 Drew Something about Mary.

29:44 Adam Was he holding the shirt up with his mouth?

29:46 I don't think he was wearing one.

29:49 Adam It would have been funnier. You know, it's funny when they get that.

29:54 Drew Don't show me.

29:57 Adam All right. Tell her what to do.

29:59 Drew Well, how long ago did this happen?

30:01 It was like a year ago, but it's still like, sometimes, like, you know, the door, I really don't want to open it. I mean, I think it was because at the time, we were having a little struggle with sex issues.

30:21 Drew What was the struggle?

30:22 Just, I like it a little more than he does.

30:25 Drew And he's still masturbating.

30:26 It kind of made me feel uncomfortable that maybe, you know, maybe he's doing this for compensating instead of having sex.

30:33 Adam How old is he?

30:36 28.

30:37 Adam 28.

30:38 Drew You mean you feel as though he should have not done that since he was not sort of keeping up with your needs, right?

30:44 Right.

30:46 Adam How long have you guys been together? Let me tell you what a guy is usually doing when he's beating off. He's trying to carve out a little time for himself. Like he's trying to create a little autonomy, a little me time. Like guys do this, even in a relationship, guys gotta feel, they gotta have some like lone wolf qualities to it. I mean, I don't know if women do this, but guys do it. Guys like show up and go sniff around. Who's home? No one's home. Oh, great. This is great. I don't know if women do that. Guys are related when they come home and no one's home. Women are worried and start looking around and making phone calls.

31:28 Drew It's like the cave is yours.

31:30 Adam Yeah. You got the, you're back to where you wanted to be.

31:32 Yeah.

31:32 Drew The crystal, yeah.

31:34 Adam So listen, Nicole. Don't put the screws to them. I mean, if you guys, if your sex life is screwy, that's something else. And you guys can talk about that and work on that. The beating off part.

31:46 Drew The whole thing, there's missing pieces in this story. The intensity of her reaction lasts a year. Right. Says something about her. The fact that he is masturbating and not being careful to hide it, knowing that she's got some energy about their sex life. You know what I'm saying?

32:03 Adam Yeah.

32:03 Drew Says something about him. So it's all some missing pieces here, so.

32:07 Adam Yeah. I think guys think if they beat off in front of the toilet, they might be able to pull off a, I was taking a leak.

32:16 Drew Right.

32:16 Adam And it's just, it's a tough sell.

32:19 Drew What if somebody catches it? Oh, you mean you're going to sell that to the person that walks in?

32:25 Adam If, you know, the angle's right, and if the door opens a crack and shuts again, and if...

32:30 Drew Oh, so that's why he was at the toilet, just in case.

32:33 Adam I think so. No? Beating off in the toilet is, that's a fool's game. Don't get caught up in that game, brother. That'll take you down. Know what I mean?

32:44 Drew It's like, why bother?

32:47 Adam You can do, if you're tall, I think if you're tall enough, you can do like the knee on the knees beat off on the toilet, but that's, that's shaking hands with the devil because they get that, they get the edge of the pot right there and it's like kind of the wrong height and your knees on that cold tile. That's trouble. You work the sink like a man.

33:06 Drew Hey, 28 Days Later, DVDs tonight for everybody.

33:09 Adam Yeah.

33:09 Drew Everyone goes in the mix on the 26th. We pull out a name and the winner goes to the Hard Rock Hotel Casino Las Vegas. They get the room for 28 days.

33:17 Adam Three hours and 15 minutes ago, I was right in front of that hotel.

33:21 Drew You can invite Adam and he will demonstrate many of these techniques for you personally.

33:26 Adam I'll do the shirt bite, I'll do the bent knee and straight knee toilet jack.

33:30 Drew Those of you that don't win will at least get the DVD of 28 Days Later available now.

33:34 Adam Demonstrate the difficult and oftentimes untested and untried by the professionals at least, shower jack.

33:42 Drew What we've now discussed and discovered now, the shower jack, the sink jack, and the knees toilet rim jack.

33:49 Adam Yeah, yeah, oh Jeff, yeah, yeah, safest is the shower in terms of getting caught, but most dangerous in terms of fatalities. Go ahead, Jeff.

34:01 Caller Good. Oh dude, Adam, man, my girlfriend's like obsessed with you. Really? Yeah, on her like, on her computer, on like the, whatever, the saver on the back thing. There's pictures of you.

34:12 Adam Calling all nerds.

34:15 Drew What's he doing?

34:16 Caller No, just like a picture of his face on some dude's body. What? Yeah.

34:20 Drew What do you mean on some dude's body?

34:22 Caller You know, like some like model body or whatever. Not to insult your body, Adam, I'm sure you're quite the man.

34:29 Adam Love a piece of piece of meat. Hey, what was the temperature like in San Jose today?

34:35 Caller Dude, it was, it was like really warm.

34:37 Adam How warm?

34:38 Caller Yeah.

34:38 Drew How warm?

34:40 Caller How warm? I don't know, it was like, I'm a freshman here, so it's like 80, I think today, maybe.

34:46 Adam Yeah, but got that nice offshore breeze blowing in. I don't get any breeze.

34:51 Caller I get a little breeze, you know, here and there.

34:53 Drew San Jose is pretty rough.

34:54 Adam How far in? Are you weighing in San Jose?

34:57 Caller Yeah. We're like two minutes from the airport. You know that stupid airport?

35:01 Adam Yeah, Drew hates that stupid airport. How far from the ocean are you on San Jose?

35:05 Caller Horrible airport.

35:06 Drew It's an hour.

35:07 Adam Is it an hour to the ocean from San Jose?

35:10 Caller Yeah, if you go like.

35:11 Drew Santa Cruz.

35:12 Caller Like to Santa Cruz. It's only about an hour, you know, or 40 minutes or whatever.

35:17 Drew San Jose State or something?

35:18 Caller No, I'm at Santa Clara.

35:21 Drew What's where you're from originally?

35:24 Caller Portland, Oregon.

35:26 Adam Is there some sort of law that everything in California has to start with San or Santa?

35:29 Caller Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. What's the difference between San and Santa? I don't know. I've always wondered that.

35:33 Adam I was trying to figure that out myself just the other week.

35:36 Drew It's one male or female, though?

35:38 Adam Yeah, you got your Saint.

35:39 Caller Yeah, but there's no.

35:40 Adam There's no female Saints?

35:41 Caller There's no female Saints who came up to the West Coast and made missions and stuff.

35:46 Drew Yeah, but Santa, Anna.

35:48 Adam Male and female. But that should be Santa and Santo, shouldn't it?

35:53 Caller I thought it was masculine and antisocial too, which is a little.

35:59 Adam Listen, what are you trying to do? A threesome? Yeah.

36:02 Caller No, we did a threesome. Yes. Yeah, we did a threesome.

36:06 Drew With your girlfriend?

36:07 Caller Yeah, and like a mutual friend stuff. Really?

36:10 Drew Male, male.

36:12 Caller No, he was, no. No, another she.

36:14 Adam Oh, he was a chick?

36:16 Caller Yeah. He was not a chick. But there was a friend.

36:22 Drew And what's the question?

36:24 Caller Okay, my question is, though, that my girlfriend and I have been going out for like nine months. And then we started this threesome thing. And then things got a little weird.

36:36 Drew What made it weird?

36:38 Caller Oh, that's what I'm thinking. I'm guessing it's the threesome.

36:40 Drew But what do you mean weird? What do you mean?

36:42 Caller Like whenever we try to like, you know, whenever I start making out or whatever. And then, you know, things try to go. We usually, you know, things go to sex, but it just kind of like stopped before then. She just makes some kind of excuse or whatever.

36:57 Drew Is it because she'd rather you do it in a threesome or because she's upset?

37:01 Caller Well, we've done the threesome more than once. And then we did it like four times.

37:05 Drew Does she stall out when she's going to the-

37:07 Adam What, the same chick? And what happens? Do those guys get it on? Your girlfriend and the girl?

37:16 Caller It's me and two other girls. My girlfriend and her friend.

37:19 Drew Yeah, but do the girls-

37:20 Adam Listen, you retard. I said, do the girls get it on?

37:23 Caller Your girlfriend and the girl?

37:24 Adam Oh, yeah.

37:24 Caller Well, yeah, usually. You know, I like watching, you know, start getting- Yeah, sure. You know how that goes.

37:30 Adam Yeah, I know you use my sync technique.

37:32 Caller Good times.

37:33 Adam And then, and do they both give you oral?

37:37 Caller Well, obviously not at the same time, but yes, they do both give me oral.

37:40 Adam What do you mean, obviously not at the same time? I mean, I've seen movies.

37:46 Caller They're wrapped two mouths around one thing, you know.

37:48 Adam Well, you know what I'm talking about.

37:49 Caller I know what you're talking about.

37:51 Adam Well, you know what I mean. They're passing the buck, right? Back and forth?

37:55 Caller Yeah, they're passing the buck back and forth.

37:58 Drew What is your question?

37:59 Caller It's more weird, though, when, like, my girlfriend's doing...

38:05 Adam Jeff's a colossal jack-off.

38:09 Drew Yes.

38:11 Adam Yes?

38:11 Drew Sadly so. Like, I want to like Jeff.

38:14 Adam I want to like Jeff, too. I'm going to play a hunch. I bet Jeff has a choker. You know those guys who wear chokers?

38:22 Drew Leather choker?

38:24 Adam Something. Jeff?

38:25 Caller Yeah?

38:26 Adam Do you wear a choker?

38:27 Caller What the hell is a choker?

38:29 Adam You know, tight, tight necklace around your neck?

38:33 Caller Oh, no, no, no.

38:35 Adam No, no necklace, dude?

38:37 Caller No necklace. I have like some beads sometimes, but that's it.

38:42 Adam And they don't hang down low. They're kind of tight, right?

38:44 Caller Yeah, they're kind of tight, I guess.

38:48 Drew That's what you're talking about.

38:50 Adam Yeah, I guess they don't call them chokers anymore. When I hear Brad, I picture that... I don't know what they call him. Sorry.

38:58 Drew He was a Brad.

38:59 Adam He was a Brad. When I hear Jeff, and by the way, when I get tired enough, I'll just call people by the name they should have been. His parents should have named Jeff Brad, by the way. But that stupid surf guy, it's not puka shells. It's leather and it's wrapped around like three or four beads in the middle and it's pulled kind of tight.

39:20 Drew Yeah, and it's tied with a knot in the back.

39:23 Adam And let me tell you something. A-holes have been wearing an equivalent version of this for thousands of years. I'm sure the A-holes, in Jesus Christ's time, were wearing these things. When I was in junior high and high school, the A-holes had the puka choker. A-holes have been attracted to chokers for as long as there's been A-holes and hide to wrap around their A-hole nacks. There's been an amazing marriage between the two of them. What is that, Drew?

39:56 Drew I don't know. Interesting observation, though. I'm going to pay attention.

39:59 Adam It would be nice if these guys choked on the chokers. Hopped the fence and got one of the fence posts caught up on it and just found them. Found the decomposing body hanging from that. Yeah, just accidents. You know what I mean?

40:14 Drew Nice.

40:15 Adam Let's work on it. I'm going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

40:21 Love Line will be right back.

40:23 Caller So get your problems ready.

40:42 Adam Taking Back Sunday just came to the studio. We're going to bring them in after the next break. They just got off stage. They played a little sold out gig at the Palladium. Drew, you go to the Hollywood Palladium, yes?

40:56 Drew Every Sunday.

40:57 Adam Okay, just checking if you're still doing that. Jennifer?

41:01 Yes.

41:02 Adam You're 21?

41:03 Caller Yeah, hi. I have a problem. I have a, my boyfriend, he's actually in with me, he's 19 and he comes extremely fast, a minute or less, actually. Or less. Yeah.

41:17 Adam I like that.

41:21 Caller It's really sad and I don't know, is there a way, like, a certain time where he might grow out of this or?

41:27 Adam By the way, there has to be some sort of uniform mercy rule code where women round up to a minute. Yeah. Like, if a guy busts a nut in 37 seconds.

41:39 Drew Give him a minute.

41:40 Adam Yeah, zero. He comes in one minute. Like, there's no unit of count measurement lower than a minute.

41:45 Drew Well, there's, no, there's instantly, as soon as he enters.

41:49 Adam Yes, if he doesn't come in his pants, he automatically makes it to a minute. It's like, you get 400 points for putting your name on the SAT.

41:57 Drew On the other hand, the guy that says he's been doing it for 45 minutes has to round down to 18.

42:01 Adam Right.

42:02 Caller Right. Thank you.

42:03 Okay.

42:03 Caller Well, he has.

42:05 Adam Well, that's exciting for you. You're calling from Riverside. How hot and miserable is it over there?

42:16 Drew Yeah.

42:17 Adam But still outside.

42:18 Drew Well, actually, it's, huh? Riverside, the heat, boyfriend.

42:21 Adam Premature ejaculation. How come you haven't killed yourself, Jennifer?

42:26 Caller I'm almost there. That's why I'm calling. All right.

42:28 Drew Cause she's giddy.

42:29 Adam Tell her what to do.

42:30 Drew All right, Jennifer, look, do you talk to him about it?

42:33 Caller Yeah, he knows.

42:35 Drew He knows. Yes, I know he knows, but do you guys have some, do you try to work on it with him? Is it something you guys can converse about without him getting defensive?

42:43 Caller No, he doesn't get defensive. Like he understands what to call him, but there's, and he tries everything. There's nothing he can do.

42:50 Drew Can he go a second time? Can you do it a second time? Yeah.

42:53 Caller Yeah, he can do that too, but that's also very fast.

42:55 Drew How about a third time?

42:57 Caller We've done that before, but that's also very fast.

42:59 Drew Oh, really? Wow.

43:01 Caller Yeah.

43:01 Drew It's impressive.

43:03 Caller Yeah.

43:03 Drew And everybody puts a condom on. Is that slowing down at all?

43:07 Caller A little bit, but not much.

43:10 Drew The anti the tricycle.

43:12 Adam Does he give you good oral sex?

43:14 Caller Yeah, he does. But he does that before. And then it makes it go even faster, actually.

43:18 Drew Makes him go faster.

43:19 Caller Yeah, that's why. Yeah. He he just like gets off on everything. I don't understand. And I like kids in love.

43:25 Drew He loves you.

43:26 Adam He's 19. 19? Smack his dork with a mop handle or something. He's getting it a little. Well, you know what?

43:35 Drew No, no, no. Well, look.

43:36 Adam Well, look, what?

43:37 Drew Medications can actually improve this. This guy genuinely has an issue here. And where do you get it? Some of the serotonin re-uptake inhibitors.

43:43 Adam Go to the head shop?

43:43 Drew Like Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, these things. Will delay ejaculation. You can find one.

43:48 Adam If you drop one just before you.

43:49 Drew No, you got to kind of take it all the time.

43:52 Adam Yeah.

43:53 Drew And then you can always try Viagra, so you can retain, you know, continue an erection at least. I hate to come up with all these pharmacological solutions, but you know, you guys are trying in the relationship and it's not working, so what the heck.

44:04 Adam Gabe. You're 23.

44:07 Caller I'm 23.

44:08 Adam You want to know why I'm so angry all the time?

44:10 Caller You're angry, man.

44:12 Drew How long have you been noticing that for?

44:15 Caller Well, especially this week, but just over the past-

44:19 Adam What's the heat?

44:20 Drew It's the heat this week. It's making him mad.

44:24 Adam I'm very upset over the heat.

44:26 Caller It seems also maybe some of the- Are you spread too thin?

44:31 Adam Yeah. Well, I'm working on this house and it's getting me up every morning too early and there's too much going on. And you're going back. Spread out a little thin, Gabe.

44:41 Drew You've seen the way he's treated me last couple of weeks, huh?

44:43 Adam Taking out on the kids, taking out on Drew.

44:46 Caller I feel bad for Drew sometimes.

44:48 Drew Oh, okay.

44:48 Caller And I'm like, oh my God.

44:50 Adam Listen, if you saw his paycheck, you'd stop crying.

44:53 Drew Thank you, Gabe.

44:53 Adam You get paid the same amount.

44:56 Caller You get paid the same exact amount?

44:57 Yeah, but you do all that.

44:59 Caller You're a producer for those other guys in Nevada, whatever, the crank anchors.

45:03 Adam Oh no, I get the big bucks, but I'm just saying, I'm carrying Drew on this show. Oh yeah. All right, Gabe, thanks for your insights. All right, I know you're worried about me, but don't worry about it.

45:16 Drew Drew.

45:17 Adam We're cool, right?

45:18 Drew It's good times.

45:19 Adam It's good times.

45:20 Drew Let's take a break.

45:20 Adam The heat just got me going a little bit. Got the band. Let me just. Get rid of Danny over here. Danny?

45:29 Yeah?

45:30 Adam You're 18?

45:31 Caller Yep.

45:32 Adam What's up?

45:33 Caller Well, I'm calling because you know how, a couple nights ago you said that, well, actually, first of all, you know, you guys mad props.

45:40 Adam Whatever.

45:42 Caller Thanks, Anderson. Well, basically a couple nights ago, you know how you categorized people, how, I mean, by what kind of people are allowed to go, should be allowed to go to junior colleges.

45:53 Adam That's right. People in the nursing program and Asians. Right. And crazy Indians, no added, not American Indians by no means.

46:01 Caller Well, apparently I don't fall into either of those categories.

46:03 Adam Well, I'm sorry then, under my regime, you would be thrown out.

46:07 Caller No, but see, the thing is, my parents decided that I should pay for my own college education and that was the best way to go.

46:16 Adam I'll tell you what, Danny, I will interview what I call hard luck cases on an individual merit basis. Do you know what I'm saying, Drew?

46:23 Drew Yeah, consider things on a case by case basis.

46:25 Adam Yeah, you show me some kid whose old man killed himself and who lost some money because some big record company went after him for downloading something off the internet or something. I'll weigh these things into my decision. And occasionally a blue eyed young guy like Danny will make it through the cracks, but I'm trying to keep the masses out. You know what I mean?

46:46 Drew Yeah, of course.

46:46 Adam There's always a good kid who can slip in. And Danny, you send your transcripts over to the station. I'll be more than willing to review those. We'll get back to you. We'll see if we can admit you. All right? There we go. All right, we'll be back after this.

46:59 All right guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

47:03 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person. Call the Dateline.

47:07 Caller The Dateline.

47:08 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:19 Caller I'm Adam.

47:19 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Matt, Fred, and Adam both here. All here, I should say, tonight from Taking Back Sunday. And I was trying to think where I saw the band last, and it was at the Jimmy Kimmel Live Show, where they played. Yeah, see, I'm always confused. Like, here's how it works when you, you guys are young, but when you get older, here's how it works. You don't worry about the specifics. It's like, I've seen these guys, I know these guys. Don't know if I, if they were on the TV show, don't know if they're on this show. Yeah, don't know if I was Crank Yankers, or maybe I gave one of them a reach-around in some state some months ago.

48:00 Caller Actually, it was two of the above.

48:03 Adam Reach-around in?

48:04 Caller Well, it was two reach-arounds, and then at Kimmel. Three total.

48:07 Adam Yes, I was co-hosting or side-kicking. Oh, great.

48:12 Caller Some soft hands.

48:14 Adam That's what they say. That's what they say. And Drew's like, who's they? And I'm like, don't worry about it, dude. You just keep smiling and enjoy the ride. Right, buddy? All right. All right, hey, what are you gonna do? We're gonna hear something off the not-new CD called Tell All Your Friends. And you guys just played the Palladium. They were a wisp out the back door, Drew, and hopped in a limousine.

48:40 Drew That's nice.

48:43 Caller Yeah, or it's very fast skateboards we use.

48:45 Adam And you guys are going to Vegas tonight?

48:48 Caller Yes, yes. I'm not, I'm not sleeping. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go and I'm going straight to the blackjack table. I'm gonna stay there and get terribly drunk.

48:56 Adam You know what's nice about Vegas? They don't judge. There's no judging going on.

49:02 Caller All men are created equally stupid.

49:05 Adam Here it's like, if someone catches you with a beer in your hand at nine in the morning, you're like, I've been up. I work at Graveyard, so this is like nine at night for me. But Vegas, they judge you if you don't have the beer, right?

49:20 Caller Yeah. They're like, who brought the square?

49:22 Adam You know what they got to do with Vegas? It just struck me is they've done almost everything. They've got strip clubs everywhere. They got the booze everywhere. They have almost no rules. And that's why we got to go there to do crank anchors because lo and behold.

49:37 Drew Every other state has rules.

49:38 Adam Every other state has rules, but you can call people and not tell them before you F with them in Nevada. But they have to figure out a way to block out the sun. That's the only buzz. It's kind of the buzzkill. And if you've ever left the strip club and it was light outside, immediate buzzkill.

49:58 Drew They tried doing that Fremont Street thing, right?

50:00 Adam Yeah, but I'm talking about the entire strip and some of the outlying areas. If A, it would cool things down, B, the party would never end. Because people do, when the sun hits you, it's like 111 degrees and you've got that weird flop beer sweat, that weird hooker, I dropped 1800 bucks worth of lap dances, kind of sweating it, everything, it stopped. Everything, it's like the record immediately stopped. But if it stayed dark, you just roll right in, roll right into it.

50:30 Caller Keep on going. Well, but then again, if you kept the hookers with you in the sun, I mean, I might maybe keep it a little bit. Hookers in the sun.

50:36 Adam Hookers don't work yet and then it gets bad.

50:38 Caller Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a good thing nobody can see that.

50:41 Adam Yeah, and also they don't hold up to the scrutiny of light and sobriety.

50:45 The ugly lights come on, that's the truth.

50:47 Adam Absolutely. True, if we could block out the sun from Vegas, I really believe that whatever they put into the giant umbrella or canopy or whatever I'm proposing would pay for itself within weeks.

51:01 Drew It would be utopia. We have the bullet train next week.

51:03 Adam That's the next thing I wanna work on with you guys, is the bullet train to Vegas. The bullet train? Yeah, they've been building this bullet train from Los Angeles to Vegas since I was in junior high. And still nothing. Can't figure it out. Transcontinental railroad through the Rockies was done much faster than this bullet train, which they haven't laid a track for yet. And I don't understand why we can't get this off the ground.

51:28 Caller Do they still build train tracks still?

51:30 Adam Not in this country.

51:32 Drew Hypercooled ceramics or something.

51:34 Adam Ceramic and magnetic fields or something. Nothing would make contact with anything. Eventually that's what we're heading toward, which is there's zero friction. Nothing, you don't make it like.

51:44 Drew You blow on the train and go 100 miles an hour.

51:46 Adam That's right. But no, I'm talking about everything. Like if you were with a prostitute, if she gives you oral sex, her mouth creates. It creates a vacuum sphere around your penis, but there's never any kind of, spreads disease.

52:01 Drew Yeah, that's good.

52:01 Adam Technically, it's not cheating. There's no, you don't touch it. Like it's like operation. There's no, you don't hit the edge.

52:08 Drew Don't get the trolley horse that way.

52:09 There's a magnetic field involved. It's not cheating.

52:12 Adam That's right. All right. What are we gonna do? We're gonna take a call and then we'll hear a song. Take a call, please. Let's talk to, Mike is 18.

52:21 What's up, Mike? I'm a huge Taking Back Sunday fan.

52:23 Caller Oh, thanks, Mike.

52:24 Yeah, you guys are awesome. I love all your stuff.

52:27 Caller Oh, thanks, brother.

52:28 But I just got a little funny story for Adam, because earlier he was talking about how difficult it is to masturbate into the toilet.

52:35 Caller What? Oh, he's talking about me real quick. I was like, no, no, no.

52:39 Caller I was here.

52:41 Adam Well, it's not difficult. Yeah, it's difficult to hit the toilet. It's not difficult to do it over the toilet.

52:46 Yeah. Well, to actually make it in. And I have a personal story of my own. My mom has these weird little like figurines in the bathroom of like animals. I don't know why she has them in there, but it's like.

53:00 Drew To test for just such a circumstance.

53:02 Caller To keep you from whacking off.

53:03 Drew That's right. To detect your activity. There could be lipstick cameras in each of those old mice.

53:09 Adam Spunk menagerie. So I have the glass figurines of animals.

53:16 Well, they're not glass. They're like a paper machine, like plastic or something.

53:20 Oh, it's worse.

53:21 Adam Harder to clean, yeah.

53:23 One day, I was beating off over the toilet and I missed and I hit. I didn't notice it at the time because I missed a lot, you know.

53:31 Right, sure.

53:32 I'll clean up later.

53:33 Sure.

53:34 Drew What?

53:34 Caller Tiger. And there's like this glossy thing on the side of it now. And it's like all my friends think it's hilarious.

53:40 Drew You show it off to your friends.

53:41 Adam But your mom doesn't know?

53:43 Caller My mom has no idea what it is.

53:46 Drew You prayed your friends in there and showed off to them?

53:47 Caller Yeah, all my friends are cool.

53:49 Adam Let me say this too, I'm going to write a book about beating off. I just realized, like here's the problem. When you're done, it's the last thing you want to do is cover your tracks. I mean, it's the first thing you want to do. But this last thing you're in the mood for, you want to watch a little TV, there's sandwiches to eat, there's phone calls to make. And here's what ends up happening is you do that. You got the, whatever, you got the belly bib, the jizz rag, everything, stuff spread out. Remotes aren't where they need to be. Totally. Let me tell you something. The tape is still in the VCR. Tapes in the, yeah, right. And what you do is you get up and you go, well, what time? Okay, it's 3 in the afternoon. Stepmom, she doesn't come home until 6.30. But I'm not going to take any chances. I'm going to clean up about 5.30. A good hour before she shows up. Then what happens? You get up, you eat, make a few phone calls, do whatever you got to do. You forget about it, you leave, and you will remember before your stepmom gets home, you just will not be in the place where you can clean it up. You will be 70 miles away. You will be somewhere. And it's now. Apparently, you're at our show. Now it's an emergency because not only is somebody going to find this, but you're sort of, you have the pain of anticipating them walking in on you must be disciplined people. You have to mop up. You have to hide everything. Do it right. Do it when you get up. Do it. Take care of it. Start the day right. That's right. We got a question for the band. Andrew? Hi.

55:27 Caller What's up?

55:28 Adam Hi.

55:28 Caller I was just wondering how you got the name Taking Back Sunday. And to remind you, don't forget to come back to Fresno because we miss you.

55:40 Drew You're gay.

55:42 Caller Please. Yeah, I am.

55:44 Caller I'm super gay. Well, Fresno, no, we got the name. We have a couple of different answers for it. It just depends who's asking. But the real story behind it, we just, there was a friend on Long Island where we're from and just a friend's band and they had a song called Taking Back Sunday. And then Eddie, our little Spanish friend, named it that. So yeah.

56:09 Adam I think it works.

56:10 We borrowed it.

56:11 Adam Yeah, but as far as band names go, either they work or they don't.

56:15 Yeah.

56:16 Adam I'd say this one works. Drew, yes.

56:17 Drew Is that Coney Island on the background?

56:19 Caller Yeah.

56:19 Caller That's two stops from my house.

56:23 Adam Two stops on Subway.

56:25 Caller Yeah.

56:25 Drew It's like where they filmed the Warriors film, remember that?

56:27 Caller Yeah.

56:28 Adam No bullet train.

56:29 Drew Isn't it right there where they filmed that, where he was clicking the bottles together, right about that?

56:33 Adam True. A movie you've seen.

56:34 Drew A movie I've seen. Oh, I saw a movie in the 70s.

56:38 Adam Yeah.

56:39 Drew I'll pick up again when the Olsen film is released.

56:40 Did you see Jaws? That was in the 70s.

56:42 Drew Jaws 1 stopped after that.

56:43 Adam Didn't see The Shining, though.

56:45 Drew I have seen it.

56:46 Adam You saw it three weeks ago, right? Drew didn't like The Shining.

56:59 Drew No, I don't like horror films.

57:00 Adam You don't like The Shining because I brow beat you into watching it.

57:03 Drew No, no, no. Because it was a wonderful film. I could appreciate it as a film. I really don't like horror films.

57:09 Adam Makes you uncomfortable? It doesn't make you... I got this guy. It doesn't make you mad when people won't see the movies you're begging them to see.

57:24 Totally.

57:25 Adam Yeah. And I don't know how this works, but we all decide what movies we want to see and what movies we don't want to see. And it's usually within 10 minutes of the movie coming out, we just sort of announce only to ourselves, don't need to see this one next. And then there's ones where, hey, I really got to see that. Not based on that much. But it doesn't matter, because the die has been cast. And that's it. And then two months later, people come up to you and they go, hey, man, About a Boy was one of the best films of 2002. And you go, yeah, sorry, it was on my no list. And another person comes up and goes, About a Boy is great, man. It is great. And you go, yeah, sorry, it's on my no list. You especially, you would love it. It is great. Hugh Grant was great. And you go, yeah, I know, I wish I could watch it, but it made my no list 10 minutes after it came out. And now I actually got to the point where I rented another movie and the guy at the video play said, You got to get about it. You got to get about it, boy. You got it. It's a great movie. And I said, All right, I'll do it. I took it home. I didn't watch it. And then I returned it. And then he said, Did you watch it? And I said, No, I didn't. And by the way, it's funny when some 17 year old guy makes $4 an hour and you're putting your tail between your legs. Sorry, buddy, I'll make it up to you. And he said, Well, let's take it back for another week and watch it. And I said, All right. I took it back one more week. And I'm back again. I can't watch it. I can't watch about a boy.

58:47 Caller You're real serious about this.

58:49 Adam Now, is that what that is?

58:52 Caller No, I will not watch it, but I'll take it home with it.

58:55 Drew I'll take it home and not watch it.

58:57 Adam Hey, hey, Adam, you got to watch about a boy. It's really good.

59:01 Drew I'm telling you, I want to watch it.

59:03 Caller Watch it.

59:04 Caller I just want it. It was on my know list, too. I didn't want to watch it, but it's good.

59:07 Adam It's really, really good.

59:08 Caller Watch. Is it like watch with lady or watch alone?

59:11 Adam Yeah, watch with lady, but still good. It's good either way. I understand. I want to see it. I've been trying.

59:18 Caller But now it's too big.

59:19 Adam Now it's worked up. Well, let me tell you, I got this guy who works with me, a carpenter, my right-hand man, and this guy's just sort of an idiot savant, builds cabinets, doesn't know anything else. But here's the thing. I've been trying this guy loves action movies and I've been trying to get the guy to see Road Warriors for for for for now. It's been Road Warriors. It's been four years, been four years. He won't do it every week. I beg him. No, no, doesn't say no. Just never get it. And then rents another action bad action movie. Just just to rub it in my face. I feel cosmically when I see about a boy, my buddy Gary is going to see Road Warrior. All right. Let's let's hear something from Taking Back Sunday. What do you say? Yeah. What are we going to get?

1:00:10 Drew Cute without the E.

1:00:12 Adam All righty. Here it is. Doing.

1:03:34 Drew Well, Anderson, that wasn't the song I announced, so it's good times. This song is called You Know How I Do. How dare you?

1:03:43 Caller Get It On. What are you doing, dude? It On. Don't blame me, please.

1:03:48 Drew Chris, you're dead.

1:03:49 Adam Lauren.

1:03:50 Drew That was the first song on the new album. It's You Know How I Do. We will play Cute Without the E later.

1:03:56 Adam Yeah.

1:03:56 Drew It's hard not Lauren. It's already the second hour.

1:03:58 Adam I know, but now I feel like we screwed the band.

1:04:02 Drew So we'll let that last break.

1:04:02 Adam We gotta hear the Cute Without the E. I'm here too.

1:04:05 Drew You said one. It was one of their.

1:04:07 Adam We're all fired.

1:04:08 Drew It wasn't Chris's fault.

1:04:10 Caller Somebody's getting taken out back regardless.

1:04:12 Drew Same thing happened with me.

1:04:13 Caller It was Rob Zombie and he gave me the look of death.

1:04:16 Caller Yikes.

1:04:17 Adam Clash of the Tardens in here. So let's just keep moving forward. Fork gets ugly and it can get ugly in here. Yes, Drew? It definitely can. All right, let's talk to Abby who's 19.

1:04:38 Okay, so I've been having this discharge for a long time, like a couple of months. And I went to see my doctor about it. And first she thought it was a yeast infection. She said by the looks of it, she thought it was a yeast infection.

1:04:52 Drew Did she do a pelvic exam?

1:04:53 Yes. And so they took a swab of it, I guess, and came back. I have like a high bacterial count or something.

1:05:07 Drew Right.

1:05:07 So they gave me some, what was it?

1:05:13 Drew Ligel.

1:05:14 No, they gave me something antibacterial, something that's supposed to kill everything.

1:05:18 Drew An antibiotic, oral antibiotic. Yeah. Like Levoquin, some other, but they give you.

1:05:25 But anyway, so I took it and it didn't go away. So I went back and the doctor looked again, did another exam. She said it definitely looked like yeast this time. And the same thing happened. And she thought that maybe, you know, because I have a boyfriend and she thought that maybe we were passing it back and forth or something. So we both got the pills, the same pills that I took the first time, the yeast pills, the antibiotics, the antibiotics, not the yeast medicine.

1:05:57 Drew Even though she thought it was a yeast, in fact, I have yeast pills. And that flu can, yeah.

1:06:01 Adam So you take, you eat that? Oh man, I've been taking those wrong ones.

1:06:07 Drew You can, you can case her.

1:06:08 Adam They've been going up the urethra.

1:06:11 Drew Oh no, that's not good.

1:06:13 Adam And I've kept thinking, I kept saying this can't be right. It cannot be right. They're bigger than the circumference of the urethra. You know?

1:06:20 Drew That game was wild. We remember before Viagra, we used to have those little, we used to have little urethral suppositories that you guys would use for erection.

1:06:26 Adam We did? Never heard of it. Oh, that was, that was just that pipe cleaner that you just stick in there and it could bend your dork in any position. Make it do a right angle. Make it do like a snake or a chicane. Or like a poodle. Well, if you had enough to work with. In particular. All right, so what should she do?

1:06:47 Drew You know, Abby.

1:06:48 Adam Yes.

1:06:50 Drew Abby? I'm here, I'm here. Okay. It's hard for me to tell you what to do without you being able to tell me what you've taken, okay? You always needed to keep going back and keep getting tested and maybe get another consultation. It is probably a bacterial infection. They're very common. It may just be your yeast. I mean, excuse me, your discharge. Some women just have a discharge that's ongoing and normal. One of the things that occurs to me is maybe some Metro gel cream. That's something that sometimes if you use for a couple of weeks will clear things up. It will help prevent the yeast from coming back sometimes as well. If you weren't both not on Diflucan, I don't understand why she would say it's yeast and not treat you for yeast because the antibacterials are a totally different thing that actually might make the yeast worse.

1:07:32 Adam Is she gonna go back to the gynecologist?

1:07:34 Drew Yes.

1:07:34 Adam Let me, you know, I was thinking about her. I just got back from Vegas. I've been doing a lot of tipping. A lot of guys at the airport, a lot of guys bringing the cars and stuff like that, at the bar, doing a lot of tipping.

1:07:48 Drew Strippers.

1:07:49 Adam Yeah, though I didn't, I think I was there in Vegas for nine hours. Yeah, yeah. Drove right past Club Paradise, right across from the Hard Rock.

1:07:58 Drew It's tough for you.

1:07:59 Adam And it's like, voted, voted number one gentleman's club in the country and I thought, right next door. And you're like, no way. Right next door to the Hard Rock. Yeah, and then I was, I love when they say, come in and enjoy the fine cuisine, which is always funny too, like, hey, ladies, put the clothes on. I'm here for the scampi. Trying to eat. Please. Yeah, really trying to. It's always funny when places like this try to sell it, like the Poker Pan Society of Gardena. They have this pan poker out here. It's this retarded rule, which is gambling is illegal, but not pie gal.

1:08:35 That's different.

1:08:37 Adam That's totally different and God recognizes it and the state recognizes a completely different animal. You could lose $5 billion playing Texas Hold'em, but if you lose $5 billion playing blackjack, well, that's plain wrong. So pie gal, pie gal, that's different. That's good. That's a good thing. And the lottery, that's good. And horse racing, that's great. Football, not football. That's bad. Football bad. Horse racing, good. Dogs, fine. Football, no good. Cocks, don't even think about it. What?

1:09:08 Caller Well, I mean, God said so.

1:09:10 Adam I mean, it's God. He was in a pie gal. He was a squatty Asian man holding a bucket of nipples. That's what I picture. God wearing those indoor outdoor slippers in a velour sweatsuit. That's who invented pie gal. But here's the point. They used to say, you know, come to Gardena. The poker and Keno Society of Gardena welcomes you to Gardena. And they would do it. They had the horseshoe and they had the El Dorado and they'd go, the cuisine is exquisite. They go, the El Dorado, you're on the French Riviera. I was nine and I laughed my ass off. You're in the desert. Yeah, you're in a dump. Gardena has a dump and there's some guy smoking a cigar that's the size of half my thumb who smells of holy hell. Trying to roll some dice while you're getting some warmed over crap. Here's the thing. Just say, look, you can gamble and here we got boobs. No, don't go selling the food. I get nervous when they start trying to advertise too many things, you know? All right, so where was I?

1:10:17 Caller I'm gonna break.

1:10:18 Adam Oh yeah.

1:10:19 Caller I thought we were talking about yeast.

1:10:20 Adam Talking about yeast. We want to talk about tips.

1:10:23 Caller Sorry we couldn't help with the yeast thing, by the way.

1:10:25 Drew Gentleman's Club and yeast. How do those things go together?

1:10:27 Adam I'll tell you. Now go ahead.

1:10:29 Caller Well, I was just gonna ask why if she went to the doctor and then the doctor gave her something that didn't work and then she went back and it didn't work again, why would, when she's go to a different doctor, maybe they could figure it out.

1:10:40 Drew We, yep.

1:10:41 Adam They do? That all right? You see, was that, well most of your patients are going somewhere else, all right? Yeah, that's fair? All right, let me say this. The tip thing, when I was thinking about her, when I was thinking about her gynecologist going up into that rainforest between her legs with all the flora and the fauna and all the yeast and all the stuff, right? And I thought.

1:11:02 Drew Material counts.

1:11:03 Adam This gal gets nothing. She don't get a nickel. You know what I mean?

1:11:07 Drew From your tip.

1:11:08 Adam Yeah, no tip.

1:11:08 Drew At the strip club.

1:11:10 Adam With strip club, they get a lot of money.

1:11:12 Drew No, but I mean. You mean her as a stripper. Yeah, would she be a stripper?

1:11:15 Adam No, no, I'm talking about her gynecologist.

1:11:17 Caller Oh, I'm saying she should tip the gynecologist.

1:11:18 Drew No tip for you.

1:11:19 Adam Yeah, the gynecologist, big fat zero in the tip department, yet they're doing some pretty hairy work down there, right?

1:11:27 Caller They're troopers.

1:11:28 Drew Yeah.

1:11:28 Caller Do you tip doctors? Do doctors?

1:11:30 Caller No.

1:11:30 Adam That's just what I'm saying. I would like, you know. And meanwhile, you go to Starbucks, you pay bucks for a coffee, you gotta tip that guy, the guy puts a little cream cheese on your bagel, you gotta tip that guy. These guys get tipped. These, the heroes, the ones that are on the front line, going in those messy vaginas and stuff, they get nothing. And then people go, well, they don't make their living off their, you know, they get paid plenty enough. But what about the guy at the hardware store who schleps up the ladder and pulls down like 40 feet of chain and then cuts it with the big-

1:12:01 Drew Jaws of life.

1:12:02 Adam Big jaws of life and then wraps it up and puts the thing on it, hands you. That guy don't get a buck? The guy gets you the bagel? He gets four bucks? The guy gets a chain, zero?

1:12:10 Caller And you know that being a gynecologist isn't all like playmates and cheerleaders.

1:12:15 Adam Let's start tipping these people. And like I said, and by the way, if you're some hot 16 year old blonde who wants to get her hymen checked or something, maybe the gynecologist gives a little something back. And it goes both ways. It goes both ways. You see what I'm saying? All right. It comes and goes around. It goes around. It's karma really. Right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Taking Back Sunday in Studio Night. We'll be right back.

1:12:45 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:13:10 Adam All right, turn that down a little bit. Taking Back Sunday is the name of the band, Tell All Your Friends, name of the CD. We'll hear the correct song, the Cute Without the E, and just a couple of few. And I've got some calls to take in the meantime. Let's talk to John, who's 21. What's happening, John? Call him from Pennsylvania. What's the temperature over there right now?

1:13:39 Caller Cold as balls.

1:13:43 Caller It was snowing yesterday.

1:13:44 Adam Snowing!

1:13:45 Caller What?

1:13:47 Adam Drew, did you hear what he said? He said snow.

1:13:49 Caller Yes.

1:13:50 Drew What is that?

1:13:50 Caller It's like 100 degrees here.

1:13:52 Caller I know. I should go out there, man.

1:13:54 Adam No, no, we should go out there.

1:13:56 Caller Amen.

1:13:56 Adam That's right.

1:13:57 Caller I'm out here.

1:13:58 Adam No, we're coming out. We're not going to see you, all right, but we're still coming out that way. All right, what's your question?

1:14:06 Caller I've been dealing with depression for a long time and I just don't know exactly how to, which steps to take to go get help. I don't have insurance or anything, so I can't exactly afford it.

1:14:18 Drew Can you go to a county facility?

1:14:21 Caller No, actually I just moved to Pennsylvania here.

1:14:23 Drew But you can go to, yeah, go to a county mental health facility.

1:14:27 Adam Okay, what do they do?

1:14:28 Drew They will do an evaluation, they'll give them medicines for free.

1:14:31 Adam Really?

1:14:32 Drew Or at least reduced rate.

1:14:33 Adam What is it that you have to see 70 hobos before they get to you at those county things? What is that?

1:14:39 Drew That's, they first come first serve.

1:14:41 Adam But just a hobo hospital, or is that the hobo hospital?

1:14:44 Drew That is, ooh, John, you gotta stop smoking the pot. That's gonna help your depression.

1:14:48 Caller Yeah, well, it's off and on.

1:14:52 Drew Yeah, well, I can hear it. I can hear the on part.

1:14:54 Caller Well, no, not right now.

1:14:56 Drew Yeah, I know, but the-

1:14:58 Adam When's the last time you smoked out?

1:15:01 Caller About a week ago.

1:15:02 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:15:03 Adam No, that's four days.

1:15:04 Drew It's gonna take six months to get out of your system.

1:15:06 Adam Yeah, that's four days, and that's cause this dealer is in Mexico for another week.

1:15:11 Drew That's right, so John, that's part of where your depression's coming from. I know at first it helped and whatnot, but eventually it counteracts and makes the depressions worse.

1:15:20 Caller Okay, another thing is like-

1:15:22 Adam Well, wait, are you working?

1:15:24 Caller Yeah, oh yeah, I'm working full-time job driving tow truck. I'm working right now, actually.

1:15:30 Caller You're in a tow truck right now?

1:15:33 Caller No, I'm sitting in my house waiting for the pager to go off.

1:15:35 Adam Oh, I see.

1:15:36 Caller I'm on call, so.

1:15:37 Adam Who are you towing? You pulling people out of snow drifts?

1:15:41 Caller No.

1:15:41 Adam Or are you working for the man? Do you know what I'm saying?

1:15:45 Caller I'm kicking my ass.

1:15:47 Adam Yeah, are you working for the cops?

1:15:55 Drew Adam drove his car off a tow truck once.

1:15:58 Caller Let's hear that.

1:15:59 Adam Oh, thank God you brought that up, Drew. God damn, do I hate tow truck drivers.

1:16:05 Drew It's a good story, though.

1:16:06 Adam And here, here's the problem with living in Los Angeles. And I mean, no disrespect to any of the multitude of nationalities that live in this beautiful melting pot we're in, but all the, all the A-hole nationalities are attracted to the motoring stuff. The guys, the tow truck drivers, the cab drivers, something that deliver eats all the A-hole nationalities and the gas stations, by the way. Everything that has to do with transportation has been monopolized by A-hole nationalities and you know who you are, right? No, not all right. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. We're having a little man show party. I parked in some 7-Eleven parking lot in the wrong spot. Had a bunch of PAs yell, your car's getting towed about 2 a.m. one morning. I ran over there. Guy had the thing jacked up. It was the kind of thing where the prongs go up underneath the rear of the car and it headed up at about three, three and a half feet off the ground. I thought I was quick. I jumped in the car and hit the brake. I know most the braking of a car is in the front wheels, by the way. About 70, 30, maybe 65, 35. But the point is, yeah, you want it in the front.

1:17:17 Caller Getting into some real man show stuff here.

1:17:19 Adam But that's where the weight is heading when you brake. So I just jumped in and hit the brake and he was dragging me along with the front wheels locked up and then he got out and he started yelling at me. And I said to him, come on, what's it gonna take? You need a few bucks? And he's like, no, no, I'm taking your car. And I said, come on, but you're ruining my night. Just drop it down. And stupid guy, this guy was so goddamn stupid. He said, if my boss sees me come back with no car, he will be upset. I said, you ever go out to tow a car and the guy moved the car before you get there? Sure, all the time.

1:17:57 Caller Pretend that's now.

1:17:59 Adam Yeah, this is not, no, this isn't possible. No, not all right. Yeah, we went around and around and around for like 20 minutes. I kept moving up with the money. It was like, look, how much, what's it cost? 95 bucks? I give you a hundred bucks. No, no, I cannot. And so at a certain point, I call the guy an asshole because that's just what he was. And he, and there's what I love. I love when assholes do this. Oh, oh, okay. No, no, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I love that guy. You've been Mr. Asshole. You've been Mr. Asshole for 20 minutes and now it's no more Mr. Nice Guy. I tried to be, no, no, no, I told him. So he got in the car and he started dragging me again. Poor guy and his girlfriend in the car. It's always funny too when the frauds get mixed into it a little bit. They yell at him in their tongue. They're yelling at you for a while and then they go, oh, no. Tell them to roll out the window in some kind of Swahili or Arabic or something.

1:18:52 Caller There's like some occupations where you just don't bring your girl to work too.

1:18:55 Drew Wait, now here's the payoff.

1:18:56 Adam I'd have to say the tow truck drivers.

1:18:58 Caller It's on the list.

1:18:59 Adam It's gotta be way up there. Strip Club DJ, second, close second.

1:19:03 Caller Yeah, that's a rough one. I don't think we're making our first of the home fielding of our year.

1:19:09 Caller Is the depression gone, dude?

1:19:10 Adam I can't bring it up. So here's, so the guy gets the car up and now he's taking it for good. I've had a couple of pops. I gotta admit, I'm feeling a little loose. And the car was lashed down. By the way, it's a BMW M3. It's a $45,000 car that I'm leasing. It's lashed down to these two prongs that have lifted the rear end up about 40 inches. And some crazy guy, a friend of mine from New York, runs around to me and yells, I've undone one of the lashes. Undo your side, dude. And I undid it. And the guy was in the tow truck. And I jumped in my car and the guy, my buddy from New York yelled, go. And I just punched it and the wheels spun out of this cradle. And I heard a horrible, horrible sound of like, the sound of, you know, the Titanic made when the rivets pop out of the bulkheads kind of sound. It's the sound of $60,000 car going, hit the ground, peeled out laughing like a hyena and everyone's scattered and I drove home.

1:20:06 Drew What happened to your friends? They don't ran.

1:20:09 Adam No, they ran. Everyone ran. Guys in their thirties, by the way, laughing and scurrying.

1:20:13 Drew Who did nothing wrong. 15 years of Halloween.

1:20:15 Adam So everyone ran and that tow truck driver can kiss my hairy ass. And a car just took the spare tire thing and jammed it way up in the trunk. I had to undo it and jump up and down and put it back then cost a penny. That's all worked out fine. Totally worth it. Yes, so I'm a hero because I've drove off a tow truck while my car was being towed. Thank you.

1:20:35 Drew Whatever.

1:20:36 Adam And I suggest we all do that and take our streets back. Yes, Drew? Yes. All right, can we hear a song from Taking Back Sunday?

1:20:42 Drew Yes.

1:20:43 Adam Whatever.

1:20:43 Drew This one will be Cute Without the E. Cute Without the E, song number three.

1:20:48 Caller Let's see how it goes.

1:24:37 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam and that's Dr. Drew. Taking Back Sunday in studio tonight. Tell all your friends the name of the CD. Heading to Vegas tonight.

1:24:49 Caller Yes, Vegas, baby, Vegas.

1:24:52 Adam Indeed. Yeah, it's good to go at night. No traffic, it's cool, make good time, smart. All right, where are we, Drew? Where do you wanna go? Oh, couldn't see it. Barbara? Good, you're 21, what's up?

1:25:07 Caller Yeah, I'm calling cause I'm not concerned about my father. He, I think he's an alcoholic. He of course doesn't think he is, he's denying it completely.

1:25:19 Adam Where's my bourbon? How much does he, why do you think he's an alcoholic?

1:25:25 Caller Well, for as long as I can remember, he's drank every night and he drinks probably about a bottle, wine a night.

1:25:36 Drew All right, well listen, the only thing, he's obviously an alcoholic and the only thing-

1:25:40 Adam Why obviously?

1:25:41 Drew Because it's having consequences and all you need is consequence. And it's harming you, harming your relationship.

1:25:47 Caller Yeah, what are the consequences?

1:25:48 Adam Other than she thinks he's an alcoholic, which I guess you could argue is-

1:25:51 Drew It's harming somebody he cares about.

1:25:54 Adam Well, but it's only because she thinks he's an alcoholic. At least at this point of the call.

1:25:59 Caller Does he have a stressful job?

1:26:01 Caller Yes, he does. He has a very stressful job.

1:26:03 Adam Toe truck driver?

1:26:05 Caller No, he was a very high-profile architectural company based in San Francisco.

1:26:12 Adam What do you call him? You call him from Oakland?

1:26:14 Caller Yeah.

1:26:14 Adam What's the weather like over there? Really? Hot, you mean like 74?

1:26:23 Drew 78.

1:26:23 Caller Well, I don't know. I think 80 is hot.

1:26:26 Adam Yeah, we're living in a blast furnace over here and you're calling that hot. Okay, well listen, what do you want to do about it? You want to confront him?

1:26:34 Caller Well, the thing is, my family has tried confronting him many times for years and years and years. And when I went away to college, I guess I didn't realize how bad it was until I would come back and visit when I could just, where I wasn't so used to seeing it every day.

1:26:50 Adam Well, let me just ask you this. Not that I'm trying to defend him or argue with Drew, which I am doing a little bit, but what does he do? He drinks, he drinks wine every night.

1:27:00 Caller Well, not just wine or he would drink like a bottle of vodka or a six pack of beer.

1:27:05 Adam Drinking a bottle of vodka is a lot of booze, but I mean, how does it show up? What does he do? Does he come on to you? Does he do anything weird?

1:27:13 Drew To get aggressive?

1:27:14 Adam Does he get aggressive? Does he smack your mom? What's he do?

1:27:18 Caller Yeah, he gets into horrible argument with my mother and what I know he doesn't mean to do.

1:27:25 Drew Yeah, but this is basic alcoholism because he's drunk. He doesn't intend to be aggressive like that. But he is.

1:27:30 Adam I go home, I get drunk every night. I don't do anything. Beat off, I watch TV.

1:27:34 Caller Like my mom would get really mad and she would threaten with divorce.

1:27:37 Drew All right, Barbara, here's the deal. Just all you can, you can't do anything with his disease, but you can go to Al-Anon, you can take care of yourself. And in my experience, the thing that has the highest likelihood of getting the identified person into treatment is important people in their lives going to Al-Anon because you will no longer put up with their BS, you will have no difficulty confronting them, and they will feel that. They will notice the difference and they will feel abandoned by you and it will catch their attention. And that loss may motivate them to actually do something. So, but that's about all you can do. Short of an intervention unless you wanna do a formal intervention.

1:28:08 Adam Yeah. I like this guy though. He drinks, he's an architect, he lives up north.

1:28:13 Drew I treat a million of them.

1:28:14 Adam Really? Tell me, I'm single one.

1:28:16 Drew Doctors, lawyers.

1:28:18 Adam No, I like the architect thing. Everything else has a sort of stigma attached to it. Lawyers, you know what I mean, doctors.

1:28:26 Caller My dad's an architect.

1:28:27 Adam Is he? I like that guy. What kind of works do you do?

1:28:31 Caller Well, I'm sure he went into it to design cool stuff and homes and stuff.

1:28:35 Caller Right.

1:28:36 Caller But they really just designed banks and boring, maybe a children's hospital here and there to make him feel good, but not a lot of artistic stuff these days.

1:28:47 Caller Right.

1:28:48 Adam He's thought he's going to do that Australian Music Center or something and he's doing strip malls and Riverside. More burnt orange and more of that bad texture stucco over there. Nice job Paco. I'll go kill myself in the band.

1:29:05 Caller That's about how he feels.

1:29:07 Adam Amy? Does he get wasted? Yeah, if he gets drunk, we could hang out. Amy, you're 19, you've been on hold for 108 minutes. What's up? Uh oh, I think Amy may fall asleep. Amy?

1:29:26 Drew There she is sleeping.

1:29:28 Caller She's sleeping.

1:29:29 Drew Oh, with a smoke alarm.

1:29:30 Adam With a smoke alarm.

1:29:31 Drew Oh my God, this is a first.

1:29:32 Adam All right, let's pace it. Now this is my favorite thing to do. Drew and I checked out, it brings us in beside the paycheck is the hopes that we hear the low battery chirp from a caller smoke alarm. And then I become obsessed with what I call pacing it, much like a cop car on the freeway. I try to figure out when it's gonna chirp again.

1:29:55 Drew Show that around now.

1:29:56 Adam Most go somewhere in the 30, between 30 and 37 seconds. Yes?

1:30:03 Drew There it is.

1:30:04 Adam Okay, now I'm pacing this one right at 30 seconds. Okay, so now we have to count it down.

1:30:13 Caller From the next one.

1:30:15 Adam Yeah, we're gonna try to hit it.

1:30:17 Drew And again, the irony here is that she's sleeping with this thing going on.

1:30:20 Caller And there may be a fire.

1:30:21 Drew And it's by her head there, you can hear it.

1:30:24 Caller Oh well.

1:30:26 Adam I think this one's gonna go off at 27, so let's see if we can. Five, three, two, now. Oh, what happened?

1:30:36 Drew Might have missed it because there was, oh.

1:30:38 Adam We're off, all right. Now I got it, I got it at 31 now.

1:30:41 Caller We do this all the time. That went a little long.

1:30:44 Caller About 33.

1:30:45 Adam You got 33? Jeez, I had a ride at 30. Yeah, I was about 30, I was about three seconds off there. Boy, Drew, I'm losing it, man. Remember when I could pay for it?

1:30:54 Drew Get it together, man.

1:30:55 Adam Okay, all right, so now one off at 31, we're going 33. We should be going at 53, oh, four should be our time. All right, let's try it.

1:31:05 Drew No, no, here we go.

1:31:06 Adam No, that's right, five, four, three, two, one.

1:31:12 Drew The phone was off.

1:31:13 Adam Oh, the phone went out. The phone went out. We were robbed.

1:31:18 Drew Yeah.

1:31:19 Adam Anderson, did you hear a chirp on your end?

1:31:22 Caller Nothing.

1:31:23 Drew Are you kidding?

1:31:25 Caller No, nothing.

1:31:27 Adam Did the phone come out on your end?

1:31:28 Caller I heard it when you were counting down, like before.

1:31:30 Adam All right.

1:31:31 Drew Amy, are you awake? Amy?

1:31:33 Adam We may be.

1:31:39 Caller Woo!

1:31:40 Drew What's happening?

1:31:40 Caller You won.

1:31:41 Adam There it goes. 35. We gotta pace this. All right, 30. Amy. What room are you in right now?

1:31:50 Caller I'm in my room.

1:31:52 Adam Oh, you're in your bedroom?

1:31:53 Caller Yeah.

1:31:54 Adam Okay. Do you have a smoke detector in there?

1:31:57 Drew No.

1:31:59 Adam No.

1:32:00 Caller Are you sure?

1:32:03 Drew Okay. Just listen for a second here. Just listen in the ambient in the room. Just listen for just a second. About three, two, one.

1:32:15 Adam Shh. Did you hear that?

1:32:18 Caller You don't hear that, Amy? No.

1:32:20 Adam The beeping?

1:32:28 Drew That is your smoke.

1:32:29 Adam That's a smoke detector. Do you have a smoke detector in your room?

1:32:34 Drew No, I don't.

1:32:35 Adam Yes, you do. I know this sounds insane, but we've won this argument many times. That is a smoke detector.

1:32:45 Drew Yes, only 30 seconds, too. What else goes off every 30 seconds?

1:32:48 Adam Amy, please look around your room and tell me if there's a white thing on the wall.

1:32:55 Drew No, nothing.

1:32:56 Adam All right, hang on. Drew, we've got to take a break. We will talk off the air. I've never done this before. People dying of cancer. I take a leak with impunity. All right, quick break, we'll be right back. All right, well, everybody, that's Loveline. Oh, all hell broke loose during the commercial. We're trying to figure out a way to talk to Amy. A lot of things were said.

1:33:38 Caller Someone got fired and then rehired.

1:33:44 Adam Fired, Anderson collected a couple of weeks of severance pay, and now he's back with us. Good to have you back aboard, Anderson. I wanna thank Taking Back Sunday, everybody. Next time you guys come in, you stay for the whole two hours.

1:33:57 Caller Totally, thank you.

1:33:58 Adam I'm sorry you had to see that. I wanna thank engineer Chris for doing a fantabulous job here at the Mother Station. I wanna thank junior, producer. What? Oh, okay. I wanna thank junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, producer, Lauren for doing a great job, Drew doing a great job, Anderson, fantastic, buddy. You know I love you. You know we yell, but I love you, buddy. And don't call me Tara, god damn it, Tara and everyone else. So Brian, so until next time, I'm Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew.

1:34:31 Drew Bye.

1:34:38 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, October 23, 2003